#have i ever posted about that one time i drank tip ex on a pretty regular basis

[iwakuraz]

I'm eating my ds stylus now. nom nom nom

[wistfulcynic]

from one minute to the next

A little something inspired by the prompts @winterbythesea posted here and here and here. This is not those prompts exactly (nor is it what I outlined on the discord, sorry guys) but I think it carries the same lighthearted dumbass energy as they do. 

Also, Killian Jones does not know what a ‘date’ is. Fight me, show. 

Summary: Emma’s not quite sure how it happened, but somehow she finds herself going from single and solitary in the city one minute to smoothly co-parenting with her ex, living with a pirate, and at home in a town full of storybook characters the next. 

Home. She never thought she’d have one of those. 

This is the story of how she got there. 

(also no! curse! renaissance! 3B divergence without Pan’s curse) 

<3k words  Rated T

AO3

-

from one minute to the next: 

Emma was never entirely certain how it happened. 

One minute she was telling Neal she didn’t want to get back together with him, that it was just too late for them now, and he was looking sad but in a resigned sort of way, as though he regretted the truth of her words while still recognising that they were true. 

“For what it’s worth,” he said. “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have listened to August. I shouldn’t have left you like that. If I hadn’t…” 

He didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t have to. They both knew how different things would have been if he hadn’t left her. And they both knew that it was far too late to undo what had been done. The only option left was to move on. 

“We found each other again, though,” she reminded him. “And we found Henry.” 

“You mean Henry found us.” 

“Yeah, that’s probably more accurate.” 

They shared a chuckle, and for the briefest moment the years fell away and she remembered why she’d fallen for him. And for the first time since she’d run him down in a New York alleyway, Emma looked at Neal and she felt hopeful.  

“Anyway,” she said, “Henry wants both of us in his life. He deserves that, and I think he needs it. And I think for it to work we need to try to be friends.” 

“No hard feelings, then?” Neal asked, hopefully. 

Emma hesitated. 

What did she feel for Neal? There was still affection, of course there was—the stubborn remnants of a passionate first love that she doubted would ever fully die. There was resentment too, a lot of it, and a lot of hurt. A fair bit of anger. So yeah, there were some hard feelings, but there also wasn’t much point in attempting to hash any of them out with Neal. Not when they needed to move forward.   

She produced a smile, slightly stiff at the edges but he didn’t seem to notice. 

“Sure. No hard feelings.” 

Neal’s face broke into a grin, the wide, happy kind that crinkled his eyes and once upon a time would have sent Emma’s heartbeat into overdrive. Now it just made her think of another crinkly grin, one far rarer and all too often tinged with sadness. 

“Neal,” she said. “I’ve got to go.” 

-

The next minute she was at the docks, breathing deeply and gathering her courage, looking up at the Jolly Roger and hoping Hook—Killian—would be there, in his cabin, maybe with his flask and one of the books that lined his shelves. More than once these past few weeks she’d caught him tucked up in a corner somewhere, reading, and Belle informed her that he actually had a library card. 

“He didn’t have the required ID,” she’d said with a little smirk. “But I think we all know who he is.” 

Emma was pretty sure she did know that, now, and the knowledge propelled her forward, onto the deck of the ship then down to his cabin where she knocked firmly on his door and shivered a bit when his voice called for her to enter. 

He looked up, surprise registering on his face followed swiftly by the delight he could never quite conceal when he saw her. 

“Swan,” he purred. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

Emma’s heart was pounding and her throat dry, and honestly it was ridiculous to be this nervous, it wasn’t like he was going to say no. 

“I’m, um. Heretoaskyouout,” she blurted. 

He frowned. “To what?” 

Emma drew a deep breath and tried again. “Ask you out.” 

“Out of where?” 

“What? No. What?” 

“Where do you want me to go out of? This is my ship.” 

Emma resisted the urge to smack herself on the forehead. Of course he didn’t know what ‘ask you out’ meant, he was like a thousand years old. “No, no, I mean out on a date,” she explained. Tried to explain anyway, though his confusion just grew more apparent. “Like, to dinner or something. You and me. Out.” 

“Ah. Ah.” 

She watched as he turned the unfamiliar phrase over in his head, watched his eyes brighten with interest at learning a new thing, then when he finally realised fully what it meant she watched a rosy pink flush creep across his cheekbones and up to the tips of his ears. 

He swallowed, and when he spoke again his voice was gruff. “Let me be certain I understand. You want us, as in you and me, to go someplace and eat dinner together. Just—just us?” 

She nodded. “Yeah.” 

“And in this realm that is called a date?” 

“Yeah.” 

“And am I to understand that there are… romantic connotations to these dates?”

‘Romantic connotations’, she thought, for fuck’s sake, and did her best to ignore the fluttery feeling she always got in her belly whenever he broke out the big words. Aloud she said “Yeah.” 

“I see.” He swallowed again. “And when do you propose we have this date?” 

“Um. Tonight?” 

Aaand there it was, that wide and crinkly grin that made the blood rush far too recklessly through her veins, this time with no sadness lurking behind his eyes. None at all. 

“Tonight it is, then,” he said. 

-

One minute Emma was alone and telling herself she was content to be so, the next she had parents and a son and an ex who was almost a friend, and she was dating. Dating Hook, which she told herself firmly was only weird if she thought too hard about it. She wasn’t actually dating Captain Hook, of course she wasn’t. That would be ridiculous. No, she was dating Killian Jones—who was surprisingly, endearingly, sweet and nervous about it at first, like he wasn’t entirely certain her interest was real and was doing his utmost to tread carefully.

Emma didn’t want him always on his best behaviour, though, and while Killian was wonderful she knew that both of them still needed at least a little bit of Hook. And so it was that after their third date, when Henry was with Neal and Emma had made it very clear to her parents that they were not to expect her home before morning, that she and Killian stumbled back to his ship tipsy on rum but drunk on each other, and she made certain he understood exactly how interested she was. 

It was very. She was very interested. 

And when they awoke the next morning and she groaned at the glaring sunlight and pressed her face into his neck, muttering that it was too damn early and she needed caffeine, he ran his fingers through her hair and informed her he had a coffeemaker in his galley. 

She pulled back and blinked at him. “You what?” 

He flushed slightly, though with a pleased grin. “I asked Granny and she showed me what I needed, and helped me buy it.”

“But why? You don’t drink coffee.” 

He shrugged. “It’s growing on me. And besides, I thought—well, I hoped—that you might want to spend some time aboard ship in the future and, well, I want you to feel comfortable here and to have the things you like.” 

She stared at him for a moment as his flush deepened, then surged forward and kissed him, wrapped herself tightly around him and kissed him and kissed him until they were both breathless and the coffee forgotten until much, much, much later. 

-

Another minute passed and they were marking six months together. Emma had rented a place of her own, nothing fancy but hers, and she and Killian were spending most of their nights there. Her bed was bigger than the bunk in his cabin, softer and with actual springs, and her parents, Granny, and Ruby had all chipped in to buy her an espresso machine. Small but serviceable, like her apartment. Granny taught both her and Killian how to use it—and honestly, Emma thought, you haven’t truly lived until you’ve seen a shirtless pirate with a hook for a hand whip up a latte on a Sunday morning—and she was, tentatively, happy. 

Very happy. 

She didn’t see too much of Neal. He spent time with Henry of course and with Belle, renovating the pawn shop and brightening it a bit, removing what traces they could of the Dark One’s influence. She also knew he was volunteering at the convent where the Lost Boys lived, helping them get accustomed to life in Storybrooke and make it their home. 

He might also, she suspected, have become somewhat more than friends with Tink. 

-

And then one night Emma and Killian had dinner at a new place by the docks, where they gorged on seafood and drank a bit too much wine and decided, for safety and for old times��� sake, to spend the night on the Jolly Roger rather than trying to get home. 

Home. She had a home now, and a man who as good as lived there with her. She should really get around to asking him to live there officially, she knew. She kept meaning to. She wanted to, she truly did. But as conversations go that one felt so weighty and so significant that she wanted to be sure to do it right and so in the end she’d done nothing at all—nothing except feel that little bit more guilty each time Killian asked her politely if it was all right for him to stay. 

Yes, she wanted to tell him. Stay forever. Soon she would. 

They stumbled onto the ship and to his cabin, foolish and messy in a way they hadn’t been for a while. Emma realised she had missed this a bit, the dark, almost feral look in Killian’s eyes when he was just this shade of drunk and she was naked in his bed on his ship. 

“You are… so beautiful, Emma,” he growled against her throat as his fingers tangled in her hair. “Have I told you how you steal my breath away?” 

“Not for at least an hour,” she teased. 

“Remiss of me.” 

“Mmm. However will you… ohhh… make it up to me?” 

He pulled back and looked down at her, his eyes glinting in the moonlight. “Oh, I have one or two ideas.” 

-

They woke late the next morning as was their habit on a Sunday, and Emma groaned as the light pierced her eyelids and straight through her throbbing head. 

“Killian.” She poked him in the ribs. 

“Mmphh,” he replied. 

“You still have your… thing. Right? Coffee thing? In the galley?” 

“Aye.” He rubbed his eyes and blinked. “I believe there’s aspirin in there as well.” 

Emma turned her poking finger into a caressing one, stroking him with the tip of it. “Killian,” she said again, in a wheedling tone. 

“It’s your turn to make the coffee and you know it, Swan,” he replied, in his pirate captain voice. 

She huffed. He raised an eyebrow. 

“Fine.” She flung the covers off and rolled out of bed, snatched his shirt from the floor and threw it on, buttoning it just enough to keep it from flapping when she walked. “I’m guessing you don’t have milk though.” 

“Certainly not any in a drinkable state. Though there should be some of that horrid creamer.” 

She perked up. “Cinnamon?” 

“What else?” 

In the galley Emma found the coffeemaker and an open packet of coffee that smelled surprisingly fresh given how long it had been since they’d last slept here. There was also the cinnamon creamer, unopened, and a big bottle of aspirin. One minute she was pulling everything off the shelves and turning to set them on the table, and the next the door was swinging open and a person walking through it, and Emma found herself colliding sharply with a bare chest. A familiar bare chest. A familiar bare chest that was not Killian’s. 

“Neal!” she shrieked, dropping everything in her arms. “What the fuck!” 

“Emma!” He looked equally stunned. “What the—what are you doing here?” 

“Here on my—on Hook’s ship, you mean?” My boyfriend’s ship, she wanted to say, but calling a 300-year-old pirate a boyfriend was something she still couldn’t do, however objectively true it may be. 

“The ship he said I could use whenever I needed it?” countered Neal. “Yeah, that one!” 

“He said you could use his ship?” 

“Uh huh, he did. When I, you know.” A shifty look crept onto his face. “Wanted privacy.” 

“Priva-oh!” Emma’s eyes widened as the penny dropped. Neal was still living in his father’s house. The house where Belle also lived. “Um. I see.” 

“Yeah.” Neal didn’t meet her eyes. “But why are you here, don’t you have your own place now?” he demanded. “I thought Hook lived with you.” 

“Not officially,” she muttered. “And we, um, had a bit to drink last night at that new seafood place and you know.” She shrugged. “The ship was closer.” 

“Huh. Well that explains those noises I heard last night.” 

Emma was just about to ask him what the fuck that was supposed to mean when the door opened again and a voice called “Why don’t I smell coff—oh! Um. Hi Emma.” 

Emma pressed her thumbs against her temples. “Hey, Tink.” 

The fairy was dressed identically to how Emma herself was, only the shirt she wore was Neal’s. An old Metallica tee because of course. 

“Well,” said Tink. “That explains those noises we heard.” 

Neal nodded. 

“What noises—” Emma began, then the door opened again. 

“Did you find everything, love—oh. Er.” Killian appeared in the room wearing only his jeans and without his hook. He scratched behind his ear. “Hello, friends and enemies.”

“Hook,” said Tink and Neal. 

“Killian,” said Emma. She crossed her arms over her chest. “You never told me you were letting Neal stay here.” 

“Ah. I did offer him use of the first mate’s quarters whenever he was seeking a bit of privacy, yes. If you remember, love, my quarters proved invaluable in that respect when you were still living with your parents.” 

Emma felt her cheeks grow hot. “Yeah,” she muttered. 

“I merely thought Neal and Tink could do with a bit of the same benefit. And you know the Jolly gets lonely if she’s left by herself for too long. Although,” Killian favoured Neal and Tink with a raised eyebrow and a smirk, “I did make that offer quite some time ago now. And I don’t believe I said anything about staying here.” 

“Yeah, well.” Neal’s face took on that belligerent look he got when he was feeling defensive. “I don’t want to move out of Papa’s place and leave Belle alone.” 

“Are you kidding me?” Emma demanded. 

Everyone stared at her. “What?” asked Neal. 

“Belle’s seeing Ruby.” 

“Ruby?” 

“Yeah. For like three months now. Ruby’s constantly moaning about how they can’t stay at her place because Granny’s got wolf hearing and they can’t go to Belle’s because it’s full of you. Trust me, Belle will be okay if you move out.” 

“Oh,” said Neal blankly. “Well. Fuck.” 

Emma looked around the room, at her current boyfriend and her ex-boyfriend and her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend who was also her current boyfriend’s ex… something, all of them in varying states of dishevelment, hangover, and undress, and she started to laugh. 

“Yeah,” she said. “That about sums it up.” 

-

So Emma never did quite figure out how it happened, but somehow she ended up with a home of her own in a fairy tale town with fairy tale friends and a pirate boyfriend, where one minute she was drinking coffee in a ship’s galley with a group of people who knew each other far too intimately for anyone’s comfort and the next her ex and his girlfriend were her neighbours and her pirate was living at her place for good—at their place, now—and her son was bouncing happily between the two apartments save at least one night a week that he spent at Regina’s. She and Neal co-parented better than she could ever have hoped, and every morning she woke up to blue eyes warm with love and lattes made precisely how she liked them. 

And, well. Emma’s happiness wasn’t tentative anymore. 

-

She was happy. Really happy. Truly happy. So happy that when she came home one evening to find the kitchen smoke alarm shrieking and Henry teetering on a stool waving a towel at it as Killian and Neal grappled with some foamy, hissing, smoking substance on the countertop, she wasn’t even mad. 

“What the hell do you idiots think you’re doing?” she demanded. 

“Ems!” 

“Mom!” 

“Swan!” 

“It’s not what it looks like!” they cried in unison. 

Emma shook her head. “I’m going next door,” she said. “To have a beer with Tink. This,” she gestured vaguely at the room, “had better be dealt with by the time I get back.” 

As she turned and headed back out the door, the last thing she heard were three furious voices. 

“Now look what you’ve done!”  

“What I’ve done! It was your idea!” 

“And I still don’t have a science project!” 

Emma grinned, and shut the door firmly behind her.

---

@thisonesatellite @ohmightydevviepuu @mariakov81 @stahlop @kmomof4 @optomisticgirl @spartanguard @shireness-says @thesschesthair @courtorderedcake @everything-person @katie-dub 

[sun-flower-children]

Fic Recs Part 2

A/N: I was going to update the other fic rec list, but didn’t really want to, so I made a seperate one :) feel free to put more in the comments:)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

~BNHA~

Beneath The Rising Smoke by SleepwalkersQueen

Hawks followed the rules. He played well, because losing would bring him his death - or worse: civilian casualties.

Dabi was a risk. A cold-blooded killer and an inscrutable variable, too dangerous to be touched with bare hands. Their relationship was a game of dominance and lies, made from children’s rules. Where every word could turn the tables and every touch could burn a mind, Keigo wouldn’t lose. And when Dabis gaze burned the skin from his body, broke his ribs open and shamelessly stared at his exposed heart; Keigo only smiled. 'Give me back your hate and all your pain', he thought. 'Give me all shards of your hollow soul. The day will come when you'll bite off my tongue and swallow my lies, Touya.'

But suddenly Keigo's heart doesn't seem to get the rules anymore.

Switched and Scattered by kazzarole

After taking care of a minor situation at the mall, Todoroki and Midoriya find themselves under the influence of a frustrating quirk--and now they have to navigate the social deep water that is Class 1-A without anyone catching on to the fact that they've accidentally switched bodies.

Not to mention that this has caused the lines between 'friend' and 'crush' to become hopelessly blurred, and Shouto is pretty sure that this whole situation can only end in disaster.

cumbersome and heavy body by PoutyBats

Love has no limits even if he does.

'Kaminari never wanted to label his feelings. Labeling them made them real, and he didn’t want them to be real. '

 A Trip Up No-Memory Lane by acernor

Midoriya loses his memory to a villain's quirk in senior year and re-meets his classmates for the first time. With 20x the confidence, he takes absolutely 0% of Bakugo's shit, and pushes back when Bakugo tries to push him around.

Bakugo likes it.

Uraraka/Asui is the side pairing.

Called It by acernor

Kirishima is such a nice person that he inadvertently nets himself a threesome with his ex and his ex's boyfriend (Bakugo and Midoriya), aka the manliest guys in their class. NICE WORK KIRISHIMA

You all asked, and I deliver... the threesome sequel to A Trip Up No-Memory Lane ;D

Come Complete by feelslikefire

When Eijirou finds amateur porn of a certain someone, he has to show Katsuki. Now they have to figure out what to do about it. Or rather, who to do. (Established kiribaku invite deku into their bed, after shenanigans.)

Once Bound, Twice Mated by Aravis

The reality of being a mate and wife is far better than the nightmare Izuku imagined for his arranged mating. 

Something New by SillyMango

Todoroki and Bakugou keep finding themselves alone together. The results are confusing and explosive, then they don't see each other again for months or years. Then it happens again and again.

This fic explores how they navigate post-graduation life (when life hasn't turned out the way anyone expected) and each other. Each chapter is a different time they end up alone together. Slow Burn. Enemies to Friends to Lovers (not quite in that order). Emotional Roller Coaster. Happy Ending (I promise!). And lots and lots of talking.

~HAIKYUU~

And they were Roommates! by boomturkey

When the quarantine hits Japan, Hinata fears he might just go feral if he has to stay in his tiny apartment for the duration. Enter Atsumu, offering Hinata a place to stay with a yard and a home gym. Can they tolerate each other as roommates? And will they find love in the time of quarantine? (Yes.)

Or,

That quarantine fanfic every ship in every fandom needs right now.

moving in slow motion  by simplerushes

“First, you’re about to pick your ex-boyfriend up at the airport,” Osamu starts, eyeing him wearily. “Second, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

(or: one year after their breakup, shouyou calls atsumu at one in the morning and asks if he'd pick him up at the airport. atsumu says yes, because of course he does.)            

ampersand by infantblue

Atsumu confesses to Hinata on a dare and everything falls apart.

sucker for you by msbys21

There’s a question that hangs onto the tip of his tongue, heavy and terribly impulsive when he tastes it. “Omi-san,” He starts, “Have you ever drank from people?”

Deprived of blood, Sakusa falls sick - but Hinata might have a solution.          

Baby by witchy_alien

At three in the morning Kenma finds himself setting up an account to become a sugar daddy.

Dance of the Parallax by astroeulogy

For the last twenty years, Atsumu’s done all that he can to break his betrothal to the ogre spirit Sakusa. If he can just make it through one more night, he’ll be free.

~ALTA/LOK~

invisible string by taotu

Sokka sighs, folds his arms so he can rest his chin on them. “Aang?” “Mhm?” “Can you Google—listen closely, this exact wording—how to get over your dream woman who is also the love of your life when it’s been three months but you’re still hung up on her and now she lives next door so she’s virtually inescapable and there’s no way to get her back ‘cos she’s dating your ex and is definitely not into you?”

There Is COVID in Ba Sing Se by Odae

The whole world is under lockdown, and Sokka and Zuko move in together.

[bittywitches]

3. “It’s three in the morning.”

38: “You’ve thought about this, haven’t you?”

42: “I’m only here to establish an alibi.”

44: “I still remember the way you taste.”

Thank you to @reidscriminal​ and the lovely anon for requesting this :)  (It got a bit long (~3.5k) so I thought I’d make a separate post lol)

WARNINGS: Alcohol addiction, Murder mention (sorry this got intense)

“Please, I really dont wanna be alone right now.”

“Y/N, it’s three in the morning. Go the fuck to bed.”

Grayson’s groggy, scratchy voice was the only sound that could be heard in his pitch black bedroom, the only source of light being the luminescent beams coming from the cellphone that he held pressed to his ear. Half of his face was still smushed into the cold surface of his pillow, no doubt a pool of drool probably printed onto it. His phone dangled loosely in his hand’s grip, it basically balancing on his left ear. Grayson had yet to gain full consciousness, only aware that he was currently speaking to his best friend, and for some reason she wasn’t asleep.

“Cmon, I can’t trust myself to be alone right now. Plus, when’s the last time we hung out together, hm? Don’t you miss me?” Her purr over the line was enough to finally wake him up, getting him to sit up and lean back against his headboard before stretching an arm over his head.

“��Course I miss you. Doesn’t mean I wanna hear your dumb voice in the middle of the night.”

“Hurt. I’m hurt.” She moaned, and Grayson rolled his eyes. “Come oooon, Gray. We’ll have fun, I promise.” 

It was the suggestiveness in her voice that finally tipped him off to what was going on. “are you drunk?”

“Hah!” She snorted, then guffawed, which then diminished to a few chortles and chuckles. “Okay maybe a little. But I have a valid reason!”

“And is it better than ‘we happened to have some left over bottles’?” 

“Yes!! It is. And I’ll only tell you what it is once you come overrrr.” She almost whined like a little girl.

Grayson groaned. “Y/N, you know that I-“

“Hate it when I drink, I know.” Her voice actually sounded a bit pained, and Grayson almost felt bad for bringing it up. “I’m sorry, Okay? I wasn’t thinking straight, like usual. Now please come over?”

Grayson hesitated, letting the silence of his room fill his head while he sat in thought.

“Pretty please?”

Her small voice echoed through his phone, and never in a million years would he ever admit how much it made his heart ache.

He groaned. “God, fine. I’ll be over in a half hour.”

“Fifteen minutes.”

“I thought I was doing you the favour.”

“You are, but you love me. Shit, bring your wacko vegan pasta. We’ll have a slumber party.”

“Fucking Christ you are the worst-“ but then she hung up on him.

Despite his frustration, Grayson still made it to her door 15 minutes later, tired, confused, and a little out of breath. As soon as it opened to reveal Y/N’s face, however, all remaining signs of those feelings disappeared; because the only thing he could think of now was how terrible his best friend looked.

Typically speaking, she didn’t look that bad, considering how late it was and how drunk she probably was. But it wasn’t her messed up hair or her glazed over eyes, the stains on her old pyjama shirt or the mess of blankets and turned over bottles laid sporadically over the coffee table. No, it was just her. The feeling he got from her. The look in her eye that wasn’t filled with their usual temperamental spark; it seemed hollow, missing, a dark crevice missing it’s light. It worried him.

“You know, this is technically a booty call.” She grinned, her usual tenacity seeming to resurface as she grabbed the bag that was in Grayson’s arms. “Yknow, without the boning down.” She raised her eyebrow. “Although that could be arranged-”

“God just stop talking would you.” Grayson’s face burned as he walked past her, her laughs filling the room as he threw his shoes in the general area of the shoe rack.

“What’s going on?” Grayson finally asked as she closed the door behind him.

“Nothin’. Slumber party, remember?” Her hunched over shoulders turned back toward him, and the way her face seemed so sunken and desperate while her eyes tried to tell a different story- It scared the shit out of him.

“‘Mgonna make pasta.” Y/N announced to what seemed to be herself, dumping the bag’s contents out onto the kitchen counter before grabbing the pasta box. 

“Alright…” Grayson was used to these types of nights. They tended to happen once or twice every few months, usually after a night of partying where Y/N got just a little too intense, or during a rather stressful week where she just wasn’t able to pace herself. Yes, it was obvious that Y/N wasn’t the greatest when it came to coping. She didn’t like to feel, or think either to be quiet honest. She liked that dull haze, that numbness she felt where she could just go about everything without feeling everything.

And yes, Grayson hated it when she did this. He despised it, really. But he’d known her for so long, and she’d been like this for longer. He didn’t know what to do other than just be there when she asked for him. And usually it was fine, although she could be handful. Y/N seemed to double on her energy whenever she drank, so it would take him some time to wear her out. But once he did, it was smooth-sailing. This time however, it was so different. She wasn’t being her usual hectic self. She looked tired, but that itself wasn’t enough to describe it. For some reason the word that kept coming back to him was expired. She looked like she was about to expire. She’d found her limit, her pushing point, her finish line. She was done, she was finished. 

Grayson was scared to see what would happen when she was finished.

The pot fell out Y/N’s hands and fell into the sink, getting a “shit” out of her and a jolt from Grayson.

“Jesus, give it here.” He finally trudged towards her, pushing her away from the sink, then reached into it to grab the pot and fill it with water.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened?”

She sighed, leaning her back against the counter and watching as the water rose in the cool metal. “Joanna broke up with me.”

Grayson’s head whipped over his shoulder to look at her, his eyes widening at the words. “Oh.” 

She smiled, though her eyes didn’t leave the tap. “Yeah. she actually broke up with me yesterday, at lunch.”

“Wha- Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Because I knew you’d wanna jump on this as soon as you found out.”

“Christ Y/N, I-”

She waved away at him, shaking her head. “No I understand, I am a hot piece of ass. But you need to control yourself, I need a cool down period-”

“Y/N!” 

She sighed, then shrugged. “Because I knew you’d say I told you so.”

Grayson scoffed. “Y/N-”

“Come on, I know how much you hate her! You kept saying that she was going to.”

“Well I mean come on with how on-and-off you guys were- and besides this is probably just another one of your ‘breaks’. She’ll be calling you again any day now-”

“No.” Her voice was dark now, dropping all the flirty undertones in her voice, and Grayson had to look away from the now boiling pot of pasta at her face when she said it. “No. it was real this time.”

“How do you know?”

She reached into her pyjama pant pocket and brought her phone out, turning it on and unlocking it to show the screen that she’d obviously been looking at before since it was still open. She turned her phone to show him.

It was Joanna’s instagram story, and it was a picture of her at a party, making out with some red-headed girl.

Grayson only knew one read-head.

“Wait, is that-”

“That bitch I accused her of cheating on me with?” The sudden power in her voice startled him. “Yep. Turns out I was right all along, and wasn’t just being paranoid.”

He was at a loss for words. “Y/N… I’m so sorry.”

“Like hell you are.”

“I am.” 

“Shut up.” She sighed, jumping up to sit on the counter. “I know for a fact you feel like gloating right now. And I don’t blame you.”

In reality, Grayson really didn’t. Sure, he was glad that Joanna was gone. He knew she was never good for Y/N. But he hated how she’d left her. This broken shell that was supposed to hold the girl he loved with all his heart but for some reason appeared to just be some sort of apparition instead. 

She put her head in her hands. “Yea, I really don’t blame you. God, that BITCH!” She yelled that last part, and threw a spoon she had at some point grabbed into the sink, it hitting the faucet and causing a huge clang sound that continued to ring seconds afterwards.

“Jesus Christ Y/N calm down.” Grayson went to her, grabbing her arms firmly into his fists to steady her, because he could see her nostrils flaring.

“What is there to be calm about? God I fucking hate her! I just wanna- I don’t know, smash her head against-” She stopped, her eyes widening before she let out an almost maniacal laugh. “Oh my god. I want to smash her head against that stupid lamp that asshole red-head Quinn got her for her birthday. That fucking lamp she keeps on her bedside table right next to the photo of the two of us- oh my GOD that fucking BITCH-”

“Y/N?” Grayson’s voice was small. “Maybe you should-”

“I’m going to kill her. I’m literally going to kill her. I’m going go down to her apartment, that dumbass forget to ask for her key, and I’m gonna take that damn lamp’s chord and strangle her in her SLEEP-”

“Y/N!” Grayson’s hands came up to grip her face; his eyes frantic as they flickered between her seething ones. “You’ve got to breathe. You’re raving like a maniac! You're talking like you’ve actually thought about how you’re gonna-” He looked at her eyes once more, and his arms fell limp next to her on the counter.

“Oh dear god, you’ve thought about this, haven't you?” When she didn’t reply, his hand came up to rub his face. “Y/N tell me you haven’t thought about how you’re going to kill Joanna.”

“Hey, come on!” She threw her hands in the air. “It’s my right as the crazy bitch ex-girlfriend.” She began to laugh.

“Oh my god-” He spun around, rubbing his hair up his scalp and resting his hands on the back of his neck.

“Oh come on I’m not gonna do anything. You just have to let me be crazy for a little bit.”

“Who the fuck is being this loud this early?” The both of them looked over to see Y/N’s roommate walking into the living room.

“Sorry Tam.” Y/N mumbled, and her eyes widened when she saw her roommate’s eyes go to the coffee table.

“Oh Y/N not again-” 

“I’ll clean it up I promise please don’t get mad.” She rushed, jumping off the counter and rushing to the sofa, starting to messily pick up glasses and snack bags. 

Tam sighed. “Babe you know I don’t care about the mess, I care about you-” She paused when she saw Grayson awkwardly standing in the kitchen, and she groaned. “And what is Spartacus doing here?”

“Don’t mind me, I’m only here to establish an alibi. You know, in case Joanna’s found dead in her bathtub tomorrow morning.”

“Ah. so she told you.”

“Yep.”

“Yeah, and she is doing just fine so you can go back to sleep, so sorry for waking you-” Y/N shuffled passed her, chucking a whole armful of trash into the garbage bin and some dirty dishes into the sink, a loud clang following.

Tam winced. “Hon your breath stinks-”

“Tam I know, okay?” Her voice cracked a bit there, that similar pain Grayson had heard on the phone returning to her voice. “I fucking know. It won’t happen again. You can go sleep.”

Tam raised her eyebrows, then looked at Grayson, and he just nodded at her, letting her know that he’d take care of her.

“Alright. Goodnight.”

“Gnight.”

“Gnight Gray.”

He smiled at her, and she disappeared into her room, her door shutting closed behind her.

As soon as Y/N heard that click, her hot tears began to stream down her cheeks, a stifled sob coming out. 

Grayson’s head shot towards her. “Y/N-”

He immediately went and wrapped his arms around her, her sobs getting muffled in his shirt. He stroked her back and she gripped his shoulders, trying to calm herself.

“God I hate her. I hate her so fucking much.”

“Hey, hey, It’s okay.” He pushed her back a bit to look at her, and it pained him so much to see her look the way she did. “Okay, how about you go sit on the couch and watch something on the TV while I finish this pasta, hm?”

She sniffled. “‘Kay.”

“Okay.” She shuffled back towards the couch, plopping herself down and draping the covers over her before turning the TV on and putting on an episode of Friends.

Grayson sighed, turning back to the stove. He worked mindlessly, listening to the fake laugh track coming from the TV as he did, but really thinking about Y/N. He kept glancing over at her, and it really astonished him just how shit she looked. She looked awful. Her eyes were puffy and her hair was in knots and tangles and she now had Tostito crumbs peppered all across her blanket and chest. God she was doing so bad Grayson felt bad that Tam had to deal with her. And how angry he was at her for dealing with everything like this; he knew she was going through a rough time, but it killed him, maddened him every time he had to see her with those hazy eyes. 

In a messed up way, right now, looking at her, Grayson was fairly sure that he hated her. He hated her so much that it pained him because she wouldn’t listen. For some reason Y/N wanted this terrible girl that was nothing but bad news for her. For some reason she kept going back to her despite all the shit she put her through. Y/N was stubborn and she was stupid and she was selfish and yet here he was, standing in her kitchen, making her his stupid vegan pasta.

Why?

He sighed. Because for some reason only god knows, I still love her.

And that was when it clicked.

He turned around to look at her again, and his eyes finally softened for the first time that night.

They were one and the same, weren’t they?

***

Grayson sat next to Y/N, her feet thrown over his lap, her empty bowl of pasta sat atop the coffee table dangerously close to the edge. She had been lying there silently for a bit, her eyes closed and her arms folded on top of her chest.

Grayson had been sitting their, stewing in his thoughts for a bit while he absentmindedly rubbed Y/N’s leg. He’d been thinking about her, about him, about him and her together and all of the fucked up feelings that were stuck in between.

But he was mainly thinking about a certain night from a few months ago. A night similar to this one, yet had ended much differently, and had possible changed the way he would think about Y/N for the rest of forever. And there was just one question that kept arising in his head, in his chest, but mainly in his heart, that he just needed to know the answer to.

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Mm?” He was surprised. She wasn’t asleep.

“You know that I have feelings for you, right?” 

The abruptness of the question startled Y/N, making her look up at him with her eyes wide. “What?”

But he continued on as if what he’d said wasn’t any weirder than asking what she’d eaten that afternoon. “I’m only asking because it’s not like I ever try and hide it. And yknow, you’re always teasing me with your flirting.”

To him it looked like there was a buffer in Y/N’s brain, because it took her a second before she could say anything. “Yea. Yea, I do know.”

“Right.” He inhaled. “Do you remember what happened June 27th?”

Her eyebrow quirked up now. “Uh…”

“That time you and Joanna went on a break because she got sick of the smell of your shampoo. And you got drunk. And I came over.”

Her eyes widened. She did remember. She remembered so well. “Why?”

“Do you remember how you were flirting with me that day?”

A lump was forming in Y/N’s throat. Yes she remembered. She just decided she wasn’t going to care about it. “Yes. I do. But-”

“Yeah I know you do that all the time but-”

“Grayson I remember. I kissed you that night.”

His eyes widened now, his head turning to hers. “You- you remember that?”

“Grayson, I still remember the way you taste.”

His face flushed. “Why the fuck are you like this.”

“Wha-” She furrowed her eyebrows. “No, I’m not- I’m not trying to joke around this time. I’m trying to say yes I remember that night. Incredibly vividly.”

He blinked at her. “Then why did you do it?”

“I-” She caught herself, and she laid back, hands on her forehead. “I don’t know, Gray.”

“What do you mean? I mean, do you like me? Is it like-”

“Of course I like you Grayson-”

“No like do- do you have feelings for me?”

“I-” She sat up, bringing her knees up to her chest, and looking at him intently. “Gray, I love you. You know that. And you just-” She exhaled. “You feel good. You feel safe. You feel like- You feel like home.”

He tilted his head at her. He didn’t understand.

She sighed. “Look, I know I’m not the most, I guess you could say ‘stable’ person. I’m reckless and I’m stupid and- if you hadn’t stopped me that day I probably would’ve ended up fucking you.” Gray’s face flushed again. “But that doesn’t mean that I- God, I was just emotional, and drunk, and, quite frankly I was feeling like I am right now. I feel lost and scared and stupid and you’re like, my anchor. You hold me in place. Things turn to shit and I fuck myself over but you’re still always here, and I don’t fucking know why.” There was a sob beginning to prickle within her throat. “I don’t know why you put up with me and my shit because all I do is hurt you and honestly if I was actually a good friend I’d tell you to drop me. Leave me and let me be self-destructive on my own. I don’t need to drag you down with me. But- but-” Her voice hitched. “But you stay, and you help me, and you rebuild me, and it makes me love you more and more but then I just go and fuck it all up again and I-”

“You stupid emotional drunk.” Grayson mumbled, wrapping his arms her. She trembled, but she wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t let herself. She felt like she owed him that much.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s…” He paused. “It’s okay.”

He sighed, and she breathed out into his shoulder. “I’m not gonna drop you.” He finally said. “You just scare me sometimes.”

She nodded. “I know.”

She leaned back so she could look at him again. “I do love you. I love you so much.”

Grayson smiled. “I know.”

“I think I just love you in a way I’ve never loved anybody else before. And my brain just doesn’t know what to do with that.”

“You don’t have to explain it to me.” 

“But you’re not getting it I-”

“Y/N.”

“Wouldn’t your life just be better without me fucking it up?”

“You don’t fuck it up.”

“That’s the biggest lie of the century.”

“You fuck yourself up, and I hate that you do that.”

The pained expression. “I know.”

“But I stick around because I believe that you’ll stop.” He looked at her, and he realized that, maybe his love for her was something his brain couldn’t understand too. “I believe you’ll get better.”

She nodded. “I will.” She took his hand. “I mean it this time.”

He squeezed hers. “I know.”

“How?”

He looked at how her eyes glistened now, how they seemed to shine differently, more meaningfully. Like they were determined. Hopeful. Cleansed and new. 

He smiled. “I just do.”

[nessabear05]

A Day To Remember, a Nea x Yui Oneshot

#2k21BVryKnd

#SilverRescueTeam

#SRT

This is a commission collab I did with my friend Fizzie! Basically, we came up with the idea that we give each other characters and a third or first-person POV to go off of, and we write a story just based on those. She posted hers a day or so ago, so go check it out and give it some love!

Fizzie’s Story: http://aminoapps.com/p/u8pxte

Keep in mind…she doesn’t know the plot ;) But I decided with the number of characters she gave me, I would do an AU where they just have a girl’s day! She gave me Nea, Yui, Laurie, Claudette, and Meg to work with! Hope you enjoy girl!

Also uh....had to add a little side ship of your OTP since I know how much you like Quendette :)

Word Count: 1,929

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The weather was perfect today. The sun was shining, no clouds to be seen...it was just a great day to get out and do something. And that’s exactly what this group of friends was doing. But they weren’t going out just as a last-minute thing, this was all planned out months in advance. And it was going to happen no matter the conditions.

Why so dead set on going out? Well, today was an extremely special day for two girls, in particular, those girls being Nea and Yui. The two had been dating for...well what seemed like forever. But they had been dating for around four years maybe? Ever since the beginning of college. And well...within the next couple of days, they were going to get married. And who else would be a part of their wedding if not their group of friends they had been with basically since they were children?

Now, things weren’t always great for this group of girls, but honestly, it always worked out in the end. And today would hopefully be no different. The five of them were just supposed to go out and get their nails done, then go to lunch afterward. And it was all supposed to go according to plan, but you know, nothing could ever go perfect, especially not with this group.

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It had all started this morning, and can you guess who the first one to screw up was? If you guessed Nea, you would be correct. The girl had forgotten to set her alarm the previous night, and Yui had gone to spend the night with some of her old friends from Japan that had flown down to America for the wedding of their friend. They had stayed at the hotel, but they weren’t coming with them to get their nails done today. Since it was just going to be the two bridal parties together.

And as anyone could have guessed, Yui was not that happy to find out that Nea had forgotten an alarm on a pretty special day. But, Nea had apologized profusely as she ran around the house quickly getting changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt, all while their three friends Laurie, Meg, and Claudette giggled at the couple’s antics. The lack of Nea being prepared did not make them late though, so that was a little bit of a bonus to the shitty beginning of the day.

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When they arrived at the nail salon, everyone was no doubt, excited. Nea was talking with Meg and Claudette as they walked in, trying to decide on a matching color. Since the two were her bridesmaids, she wanted to make sure she picked out something they all liked. In the end, they had decided on a pretty light pink color. Since Nea’s dress was white, sticking with the traditional way of things. Well, as traditional as you could get with a lesbian wedding that is. The pink would match really well with the bright white gown.

Yui on the other hand was supposed to wear a white kimono, sticking with her traditional Japanese ways. She had a pink and white floral uchikake for the reception afterward, something her grandmother had worn at her own wedding, a garment Yui absolutely adored ever since she was a child. Now….she would get to marry the love of her life in it.

Laurie was her bridesmaid, being closer to the older woman than Nea’s two other friends. And they had both decided on a beige color for their nails, thinking it would look good with the white and the pink. Which, funny enough, were the colors for the decorations the two women had decided to be their main decor of the ceremony.

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As they walked inside the salon, there weren’t a lot of people there, maybe like….two others? Since it was still pretty early, but since they were getting both nails and feet done, they didn’t want to be there super late in the day when more people would start popping up. Common decency at its finest.

They were lead to sit down by a worker after picking out a polish from the walls, deciding to get acrylics for their hands with gel polish instead of normal polish, so it would stick on longer. And...quite a few of them had short nails, mostly because of their jobs. Yui was a mechanic since she always loved bikes and cars, things like that. Nea was a painter, but not a normal one. She got paid to do graffiti art on bridges and such, something to make the town more lively.

Meg was a semi-professional athlete. She wasn’t too well known, but she made a pretty good amount of money. Laurie was a childcare worker, working at a school and her nails broke easily around young children, she had come to learn that the hard way. And Claudette was a doctor, and she didn’t want to accidentally be poking people with her nails all too often through the gloves she wore. So needless to say, they didn’t get to have nice long nails like some girls a lot of the time and wanted to make sure they stayed on for the amount of time they could have them.

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They were sat down in the chairs to get their toes done first, one of the workers bringing over five glasses of champagne for them, one for each girl. And since they were all over twenty-one, they accepted it gratefully. Claudette wasn’t much of a drinker, but she would make an exception for this. It was a pretty special day after all, and she had taken off work for the next two days for the wedding.

Honestly, most of them had forgotten what it was like to just...be pampered like they were. It was honestly something they weren’t able to do often, being adults and such now with jobs to worry about. So it was relaxing while they just chatted, laughed, drank, and got their nails done. They did have a little incident where Meg almost kicked the nail stylist because the red-head was very much ticklish, but it didn’t seem to phase the person working on her. Only waving it off with a chuckle and saying it happens all the time.

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They were there probably around….three and a half hours? Mostly because despite the early time of day, a lot of people seemed to come in quickly, and the girls had to wait to get their hands done. But, nonetheless, it was worth the wait, and the five females were very happy with how everything turned out.

Though they didn’t condone drinking and driving, Claudette didn’t really like the champagne, and only ended up drinking two or so sips before she couldn’t do it anymore, finding the taste too strong without a chaser. And Nea was more than willing to finish it off for the smaller girl.

This also meant Claudette was now their driver for going off to lunch. So, they all piled into Laurie’s car, Laurie in the front with Claudette while the other three sat in the back, Nea and Yui sitting beside each other holding hands while Meg stared out the window, asking where they were going for the thousandth time since they left the salon. And the answer was the same each time. It was some little small-town restaurant that Claudette’s boyfriend, Quentin, owned. So not only would they get a discount, but he made pretty awesome food.

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It didn’t take long to get there, the place only slightly packed for the rush hour of lunchtime. And they quickly got out of the car, heading inside while chatting, obviously having to tease Claudette about coming to the place her boyfriend worked at.

As they walked inside, they spotted the curly-haired brunette behind the diner immediately. He had on his usual bright smile, his smile only growing bigger when he saw the five walk in, but it was definitely aimed towards Claudette.

“Hey, guys! Welcome in and have a seat wherever you want. I trust you guys to not take any unneeded space,” he said, more concentrated on the plates of food he was currently trying to carry. Quentin had changed a lot since high school. He wasn’t as shy as he used to be, and he had grown a lot taller almost six feet, and his hair had grown out a little longer. Needless to say, Claudette made a really good choice when she decided to start dating the nerdy kid.

The five took a seat at a booth, Meg, Laurie, and Claudette on one side with Nea and Yui on the other sitting beside each other. They chatted as they waited patiently for Quentin to come over to take their order, the boy handing off the plates of food to his co-worker, and ex-girlfriend Nancy. They had ended off on good terms, Quentin finding out he was into Claudette. And Nancy was totally fine with that, considering she and Quentin had been friends since childhood.

When he did come over, he let his customer service facade drop, his smile still there but seeming just a little less fake. He leaned down to press a quick kiss against Claudette’s cheek, causing the girl to giggle quietly and her friends to coo at her, “Alright….I’m guessing you all want the usual? Tea for you babe, water for Laurie, Sprite for Meg, iced tea for Yui, and a coke for Nea?” he asked, earning nods and smiles from the five girls. He wrote it down and walked off quickly, not before giving a quick congratulations to Yui and Nea. He hadn’t had much time to see them running his diner. One that his friend Steve had said he should open and most of his friends had pressured him into it. It was one of the best decisions of his life if he was entirely honest.

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They sat and chatted for an hour or so, eating the food that was paid for by Quentin, despite the objections of everyone at the table. But, the brunette was kind that way...even if he was a little more than annoyed when he saw the tip left for him by the five women. Since the day was over, Claudette was going to drive everyone home with Laurie’s car, and Quen would pick her up when he was done with work in a couple more hours.

Nea and Yui were the first to be dropped off since their house was the closest, the engaged couple giving hugs and promises of seeing them tomorrow bright and early to go to where their wedding ceremony was supposed to be held. And after the goodbye’s, waved as they watched their three friends drive off down the road.

Nea turned to her smaller fiance, a small smile on her face as she slipped her arms around the woman’s waist, pulling her closer and pressing a kiss against her forehead, “I ever tell you how much I love you?” she asked with a small tilt of her head, and Yui could only giggle at Nea’s antics.

“You say it all the time darling....but I guess there’s nothing wrong with hearing it again..” she told her as she leaned up, arms wrapping around her shoulders to kiss her properly, lips pressed firmly against Nea’s. If this is what she was getting for the rest of her life, well, then she got pretty damn lucky.

[suckitsurveys]

Ready to answer 151 Questions? No.

1. When was the last time you swam in a pool? Last week. I am extremely grateful to have access to a pool this summer. It’s at my sister’s mother in law’s. She lets my sister and her daughters use it while she’s at work and I tag along too.  2. Do you like to party? I love throwing parties. Not like, huge drunk ragers, but bday parties are my specialty.  3. If your ex suddenly kissed you right now, what would you do? I’ve been social distancing myself from them for almost 10 years, so. 4. Are you a virgin? Nope. 5. What are your parents views on your relationships? My dad likes Mark.

6. If you ran into your current boyfriend/crush in 10 years, would you marry them? I am married to my crush.  7. Is your best friend dating anyone? One is. 8. Describe the shirt you’re wearing? It’s an olive green shirt with the Route 66 logo on it. 9. Do people who wear Hollister and Abrerbrombie every day bother you? I really don’t care. 10. Could you go out in public without wearing make-up? I do that 99.99% of the time. 11. What is one feature that you don’t like? On myself? My stomach. 12. Would people describe you as happy? Not currently.  13. Are you single? Nope. 14. Does it bother you that pretty much every survey you take asks if you’re single? Nah. 15. Do you have Tumblr? I really only use it for this, which I also haven’t done in a while either.

16. What about Xanga? Aww, RIP Xanga. 17. Have you ever babysat before? Yes. 18. Is there a teacher who you absolutely hate? Most of my college professors.  19. Ever shopped at Sephora? I think I’ve been in one before? 20. If your current boyfriend/crush suddenly moved away, what would you do? I mean, I’d be pretty shocked and hurt. 21. Do you have any university plans? Lol. 22. If your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do? Support her?  23. What are your views on sex? Be safe! Always get consent! 24. Do sexual questions bother you? No. 25. Would you rather have sex with your boyfriend or break up? Uh, what? 26. Have you ever dreamed about your wedding? Yeah. 27. Does it bother you when people TYpe 1yk dis’? Yeah, I don’t see too much of it anymore. 28. Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook? Yes. 29. Would you ever date a friends Ex? I did that once oops. 30. What’s the last book you read? I’m still working on a couple. 31. Ready for 10 simple questions? Sure. 32. What is your last name? No. 33. What grade are you in? No. 34. What school do you go to? No. 35. Summer, Fall, Winter or Spring? Summer and early fall.  36. Favorite Color? Purples and blues. 37. Are your parents together? My father is widowed.  38. Any siblings? I have an older sister. 39. Favorite subject? Eh.

40. Least favorite subject? Eh. 41. Favorite song? I could never just choose one. 42. Okay. Simple questions are over. Happy? I don’t care. 43. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 200 something. 44. Ever been requested by some old guy from another country? Probably. 45. Have you ever googled yourself? Yeah. 46. Have a Formspring? No. 47. You’re offered free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert. What do you do? Take them and sell them :P 48. Would you rather spend the day at an amusement park or a water park? Waterpark. Ughhhhhhhhh I miss waterparks so much. It’s so weird to not be going this summer. 49. Been to Disney world? Nope. 50. If someone posts their status “9 Inches :(” do you know what they mean? Sounds like one of those things where people post a random status from a list of things that will likely get people’s attention and whoever comments on it is privately sent said list of thing and they then choose something to post as their status and so on. That was a popular game thing on Facebook years ago. <---Yeah, that. 51. Ever had a boyfriend? Yes.

52. Ever had a huge crush on someone who still doesn’t know? I doubt Will Arnett knows I’m in love with him. 53. Have you done something in the last week that you regret? No. 54. Ever drank alcohol? Yes. 55. Know anyone who’s currently doing drugs? Yeah. 56. Ever watched The Hills? No. 57. What about Jersey Shore? Yes. 58. Ever called someone a slut? I’ve said that jokingly to friends. 59. What do you think of short shorts? You do you. 60. Does it bother you if people swear around you? Nope. 61. Have you ever gotten an A in a subject? Yes. 62. What about a B? Yes. 63. And a C? Yes. 64. How about a D? Yeah. 65. Ever skived? What’s that? 66. Would you consider yourself popular and outcast or somewhere in the middle? I’d say somewhere in the middle. I had friends, but I wasn’t “popular” by any means. 67. Are most of your friends older or younger than you? Most are older.  68. Ever been stabbed in the back by a close friend? Yes. 69. Do you think it’s immature when people laugh at the number 69? Oops. 70. Ever watched porn? Yes. 71. How many laws do you think you’ve broken in the past month? I drove with out a seat belt (for a few blocks) and jay walked oops.  72. Do you wake up with an alarm clock? On work days, yes. 73. Do you prefer Wednesdays or Thursdays? Wednesdays.  74. If your school had a Glee Club would you join? No. 75. Ever performed in a talent show? No. 76. Have you ever cried in public? Yeah. 77. Do you have a favorite between your Mom and your Dad? I’ve always had a special bond with my dad. I love my mom, but we butt heads a lot when I was a teenager. I feel like our bond was getting stronger just before she died and I’m really sad we don’t get to know each other as we got older.  78. Would you audition for a reality talent competition? Nooo. I have zero talent. 79. How many celebrity crushes have you had? A lot. 80. How many non-celebrity crushes have you had? A lot. 81. Name 5 male celebrities who you think are attractive. Will Arnett, Paul Rudd, John Mulaney, Andy Samberg, Ezra Koenig 82. Name 5 female celebrities who you think are attractive. Aubrey Plaza, Alison Brie, Lana Del Rey, Alia Shawkat, Kat Dennings 83. Ever been compared to a celebrity? Ha, no. 84. Have any embarrassing pictures on Facebook? No. 85. Do you think spending £20 on Lip Gloss is a waste of money? Idk what that is in US dollars but I don’t usually buy lip gloss, so. 86. Are you opinionated? I can be. 87. Do you have a favorite store? Sure. 88. Would you ever wear Flare Jeans? I used to in grade school. 89. Do you own jeans that aren’t skinny? I have one pair of “boyfriend” jeans that I don’t really like.  90. Have you ever worn the same outfit twice in one week? Hello, pandemic? 91. What’s the longest period of time you’ve been away from school? I don’t know. 92. Do you google abbreviations you don’t understand? Yeah. 93. Does it bother you when people have cats as their profile picture? I don’t care? 94. Own a pair of converse? Yes. 95. Is there a teacher at your school who has obvious favorites? There was. 96. If yes, are you one of them? Never. 97. Do you text in class? I have. 98. What brand of jeans do you wear the most? Target. 99. At what point do you think sizes are “Plus Sized?” Fuck that shit. “Plus” implies that there is a standard size. 100. Do you want to lose weight? I’d like to be healthier.  101. Ever seen a therapist? No, but I should. 102. Ever watched porn? You asked me this.  103. Ever purposely ignored a text? Yes. 104. A facebook message? Yes. 105. A poke? I always ignored those. That was a dumb feature Facebook had. 106. A friend request? Yeah. I don’t accept a request from anyone I don’t know, but I have it set up where you can’t add me unless you are friends with someone I am friends with.  107. Would you say you read into things too much? Yepppp. 108. Is your best friend more likely to be the one suggesting something stupid or refusing to do something stupid? I don’t know. 109. Do you have a “fun friend?” (A friend who you have tons of fun with but you never really have deep conversations?) Eh. 110. Ever been called a bully? No. 111. Ever purposely hurt yourself? Yes. 112. Ever gone to church? I went to a Lutheran high school and we used to have “chapel” every first full school day of the week (usually mondays). That was kind of a church service. And one time I spent the night at a friends house on a Saturday and was blindsided the next morning when her parents were like “okay time for church!” 113. Would you call either of your parents screw ups? Absolutely not! 114. If you turned out exactly like your mom would you be pleased? Yes and no. 115. What do you want to do with your life? Lol.

116. Let me guess… You have brown hair? My roots right now are basically a really dirty blonde. And my tips were black but they are pretty brown right now. And hair inbetween is mint green lol. Pandemic hair ftw. 117. Already know what you’re being for Halloween? I’ll probably be Princess Carolyn again. Or just a bat, since I have both of those costumes.  118. Do you still go Trick or Treating? With my nieces, but we probably won’t be able to go this year :(  119. Ever liked someone WAY older than you? Celebrities. 120. Does it bother you when people have really loud conversations on the bus? Yes. 121. When you have sunglasses on, do you stare at people? I have. 122. Ever had a credit card denied? Yeah. 123. What’s the last movie you watched? Oh god, it’s been a while. I Love You Man, I think? 124. Last TV Show? Property Brothers, lol.  125. You see your Ex making out with one of your friends. What do you do? They wouldn’t.  126. Ever been called a whore? Jokingly. 127. Are you american? Yes. 128. Ever made yourself throw up? Yeah. 129. Have you ever kissed someone who wasn’t your boyfriend? Uh huh. 130. Are you Cute or Gross? Yes. 131. Does it bother you when people say “LOOK HOW MUCH YOU’VE GROWN!”? No one has said that to me in a very long time. I don’t recall being bothered by it, though. 132. Can you say intelligent things around the guy you like? Um, yes? Why couldn’t I? 133. Ever had the lead in a play? Not the lead, no. 134. What about a solo in a concert? Nope. 135. What kind of a student are you? I did okay in grade and high school. 136. Worst subject? All of college. 137. Best subject? Not college. 138. Ever had a crush on a teacher? Yeah. 139. Would it bother you if you found out that your mother was pregnant? Seeing as she’s dead, yeah, a little. 140. How late do you sleep in? On work days I sleep until the absolutely last minute, right before we are supposed to check in for a daily meeting at 7:10am, lol. And on weekends or days off I normally don’t sleep past 10.   141. Do you edit your profile pictures before posting them? A little. I brighten up my face and smooth it out. Sue me.  142. Be 100% honest. Do you have any friends who are uglier than you? All my friends are beautiful in their own ways.  143. Do you believe in love? Yes.  144. Would you consider yourself a good student? Didn’t you ask this? 145. Does it bother you when Surveys ask “Did you like this survey?” It just seems kinda pointless cause they likely won’t see it. 146. Salty, Sweet, Sour or Spicy? Yes.  147. Are you going into High School this year? Nooooo. Thank goodness. I did my time and graduated over 10 years ago. 148. What about Junior High? Omg, no. I’m old. 149. What is one thing someone could say to you right now that would make you cry? Ugh, anything.  150. Where did you find this note? @lovemesomesurveys 151. Last question. How many unread messages are in your phone? None. 

[theshapeshifter100]

Mistrust

(Day 29 of @thewatchau‘s Annual Prompts)

Gus shifted awkwardly, looking over his shoulder as he waited for Ivy to show up. It didn’t take that long to get to Mulladún and back, she should be here soon!

He clenched his hand around his tankard and tried to relax the rest of himself, with little success. Part of him knew it was stupid, but…

He, a Knight, was sitting in Runner’s Haven, surrounded by Green Cloaks.

He was enemy territory, even if the Haven was the least militarised Watch outpost. The only reason no one had picked anything with him was because he wasn’t wearing his tabard.

Gus snorted to himself, ‘militarised’, yeah, because the Watch was even a patch on the Guard. These people were just civilians, they didn’t have the years of training a Knight had.

Finally he spotted Ivy weaving her way to his table. She didn’t exactly stand over the crowd, but her sun bleached blonde hair was easy to spot. He passed her the now room temperature mead as she sat down, and she just nodded thanks.

“Everything good?”

“Yeah,” Ivy took a swig before putting the cup back on the table. “I had to offer to collect all of Glenbeg’s messages didn’t I?” she still half smiled at that, finding it a bit funny.

Gus rolled his eyes. “Of fucking course you did! You really are a messenger.”

“It was fine, it’s what you do. I got paid for it so no real complaints from me,” Ivy raised her eyebrow at Gus. “Although maybe have a word with your aunt about sending care packages.”

Gus groaned. “She didn’t…”

“She did. Had to tie it to Firefly’s saddle and she was not impressed.”

“Sorry.”

“Damn, you apologised. That’s rare.”

“Shut up,” Gus groused, taking a drink. “I just know what she’s like, it just hasn’t been a problem before.”

“I suppose, Firefly’s just not used to it,” Ivy folded her arms onto the table and leaned forward. “Also, interesting note, before you spotted me you looked as uncomfortable as a rabbit in a fox’s den.”

“How do you know I’m the rabbit? I could be the fox!”

“A fox in a rabbit’s burrow would be having the time of their lives and dominating the room. You looked like you wanted the floor to swallow you up.”

Gus leaned back and ran a hand through his dark hair.

“It’s fine.”

“Really? Or are you just saying that because feelings are not for the likes of the Guard?”

“Shut up,” Gus hissed, leaning back in again.

“Oooooh, you just don’t like being surrounded by Green Cloaks,” she raised an eyebrow at him.

“If they knew-!”

“That you’re a lone Knight talking someone most people recognise the face of by now then I think you’ll be fine,” Ivy took a sip. “Or is the big bad Knight afraid of untrained civilians?”

Gus was about to throw his tankard at Ivy’s head.

“No!” he insisted through gritted teeth.

“Then what’s the problem?” Ivy looked incredibly smug as she calmly drank her mead.

“There is no problem.”

“Good. Anything interesting happen in Glenbeg?”

“Not really. Had to stop Ciara from skipping post.”

“Ah, all happening there then. Doesn’t sound boring in the slightest.”

“Are you deliberately trying to wind me up?” Gus grumbled.

“Yes. Is it working?”

“I’m about to tip this ale over your head.”

“That’s fair,” Ivy was smirking behind her drink as she took a sip. “You want to spar later? One of the patrol groups will head out in an hour so they’re just warming up a little bit.”

“Fine,” Gus sighed. “They better be prepared to lose,” he added, downing his drink.

 Ten minutes later he was lying on his back with a training sword at his throat. His sparring partner, a Green Cloak at least ten years his senior, withdrew the wooden blade and held out their hand for Gus to help him up.

He strongly considered not taking it, but he could feel Ivy glaring holes in his head, so he took the offered hand.

“Pretty good,” the Green Cloak noted. “Knight? Ex Knight?”

“Still with the Guard,” Gus sent a pointed look, and the Green Cloak nodded.

“I see I see. Well if ever change your mind, we can always use more swords.”

Gus let out a short bray of laughter at that, but the Green Cloak wasn’t concerned, even has Ivy stormed over.

“I know I know, but there’s enough of us ex Guard and ex mercenaries to whip the normal folk into shape.”

“Yeah, and how do you take? Days? Weeks? You know the Guard takes years.”

“We don’t have years,” the Green Cloak flicked their eyes over at a glowering Ivy. “Stand down Paris, I’ve got this,” they looked back at Gus. “I know you don’t trust us-”

“You’re trying to do the Guard’s work without the same level of training, so no I don’t trust you to do this properly!”

“Gus!” Ivy interjected, but the other Green Cloak held up their hand.

“He has a point. That’s why we have Knights and mercenaries as Watchers. They do a lot of the training and organising.”

“So, the cheap way out.”

“Maybe, but it works.”

“Okay, maybe that’s enough for today,” Ivy stepped in. “Gus do you have to stand post or something?”

“Yes. I think I do,” Gus was rarely this irritated, but this whole thing tended to get a rise out of him. “Thanks for delivering the package Paris. I’ll see another time.”

With that he walked off at what he assumed was a reserved pace.

(This is only a few days after this one, so late 1610/early 1611. Gus comes around, eventually)

[saccharineomens]

I want to know all the answers from your 100 question meme

Something you find romantic? Answer whichever #'s you feel comfortable answering; I want to know all your inner musings 😝

cat why do you do this to me

i’ll be sticking them below a readmore, then!

1.  Is a kiss considered cheating? Yes! Unless you’ve communicated with your partner that it’s okay.

2. Have you ever faked an orgasm? Nope

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Hmmm this is a really hard decision. I usually say telepathy, but I like shapeshifting, too. I loved the Animorphs books as a kid, even though I didn’t read them all.

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? Monetarily? Nah. But I like to think I’ll still have strong, rich friendships and I think I’ll have enough money to live comfortably alone. 

5.  Tell us some funny drunk story. I just don’t really have one rip. Drunk people are hilarious but normally I’m the DD. I’ve got several pleasant stories, though! There was a time me and my best friend went to a pub and drank cider and played board games and video games until closing time. Afterwards we stopped at an Insomnia cookies, a storm caused the electricity to go out, and we got a half dozen cookies for free. (well, I felt guilty, so I left them a very large tip.)

6.  Why are you no longer together with your ex? I was going through college, it was long distance, and I felt he deserved better. We keep in touch, though.

7.  If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? Well, painlessly, of old age, in my sleep, of course. But if that’s not an option, out of all the ways of dying, freezing to death seems the most humane. You just get tired, cold, and sleepy, and then you just...don’t wake up.

8.  What are your current goals? Graduate, mostly. Long-term I’d like to live with friends in a big house and my cat, and have enough free time to garden and craft at my leisure, and have the ability to travel wherever I’d like. I’d like to work on a game or movie I’m really passionate about, and I’d love to become a director someday.

9.  Do you like someone? I mean, I like a lot of people, but I assume this means romantically. So, kind of? I find a lot of people attractive and have a ‘if they wanted to date I’d be down’ feeling, but I don’t have serious feelings for anybody specific.

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you? Hmmm I have a terrible memory. Myself, perhaps? I have a really hard time with getting up when my alarms go off. Sleep inertia’s a big problem for me. This has led to me being late to classes and rushing to get ready, which is stressful.

11. Do you like your body? Ehhhh. I guess. It could be improved, like by not having health issues. 

12.  Can you keep a diet? Ha! No.

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? I hope you have a wonderful day. The universe doesn’t care about us so be excellent to each other!

14.  Do you work? Constantly, every day. I work to learn new things, accomplish school assignments, make money, feed myself...All my life is is working, right now.

15.  If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? Salad! Because anything can be a salad. Tuna salad, fruit salad, salad with salmon...

16. Would you get a tattoo? Oh, absolutely. The only reason I don’t have any is because of money. I have like five small ideas and one very large one that i’d like across my back. 

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? Food, my family, and my friends.

18. Can you drive? Yes. Do I have a license? No.

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? Probably sometime in the past month by my mother, but she’s just about the only person who does.

20. What was the last thing you cried for? asdfjal;ksdjfs it was Treasure Planet. Jim and Silver’s relationship is just [clutches chest] so beautiful.

21. Do you keep a journal? Sort of, sporadically. 

22.  Is life fun? Yes!

23.  Is farting in front of people irrelevant? I mean, I prefer you excuse yourself, but more or less yeah.

24.  What’s your dream car? My sib got this really nice Prius used at a good price, and it has a lot of room and it’s a hybrid, so Nice. I don’t tend to pay much attention to cars, as long as they’re comfortable and low-waste.

25. Are grades in school important? I admit that they’re important to me, but that’s something I have to unlearn. My worth isn’t determined by other people.

26. Describe your crush. Ugh. I’m bi, guys. I get crushes on people all the time, every day. Saw this really pretty redhead in the cafeteria over a month ago, and I saw her again yesterday. She’s a couple inches taller than me and has really pretty curly hair, but I didn’t really, like, stare, so I couldn’t describe her face well past ‘cute nose’.

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?��Nothing jumps to mind. I guess I’m still falling over myself after seeing Mad Max back in like 2015, that was just the coolest experience ever. I find delight in just about every movie I watch, though. The second Jumanji-sequels movie was just as fun and amazing as the first. Klaus was just incredible in so many ways. 

28.  What was your last lie? I...really just do not remember. Probably telling myself “I’m gonna do my laundry today” a few days ago? Whereas I DID do my laundry today so HA

29. Dumbest lie you ever told? I saved this question for last and it’s late and I honestly can’t remember anything, asdjls sorry. My memory’s awful y’all. 

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing? Oh absolutely. I mean it wouldn’t be if they weren’t uncomfortable with it, but they always are.

31.  Something you did and you are proud of? I did my laundry today? washed dried folded and everything. I also braved the nighttime neighborhood around my school to solo a Pokemon raid, which was cool. I’m proud of my animation done at the end of the last semester, and of how my teddy bear modelling is doing this week.

32. What’s your favourite cocktail? How am I supposed to choose this? How can you ask me to choose this? I’d have to line them all up and try one by one, honestly, before I could tell you. 

33.  Something you are good at? I’m pretty good at drawing anatomy and expressions, I think. I’m good at baking/cooking, although I lack creativity in the kitchen. I also think I’m a pretty good listener, and a good friend? 

34.  Do you like small kids? Most of the time!

35.  How are you feeling right now? Frankly, a little drained with all these questions, but determined to finish them. I’m a little hungry. I’ve got a lot on my mind, and wish I was doing homework, but I also can’t get myself to do it right now. 

36.  What would you name your daughter/son? Not sure! Every once in a while I’ll be like “ooh, that’d be a great name” and then don’t remember to write it down. Besides, I plan on adopting, and most kiddos already have names.

37.  What do you need to be happy? Money, friends, family, good food, and a place to explore. 

38.  Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? Not particularly. No one other than, well. The rich people I’m pretty sure everyone knows I dislike.

39.  What was the last gift you received? Well, anything my mom cooks for me is a gift, but the last Proper gift was from my friend @ wefflebugs , who got me a blu-ray copy of Into the Spiderverse and some coffee for Christmas  c:

40.  What was the last gift you gave? I gave my sibling @ aconfusedbird a keychain of one of the two Bubble Bobble dragons and kept the other for myself, for their birthday. Handmade from Perler beads. We’d play that game for ages as kids, and we always fought over who’d be the blue one.

41.  What was the last concert you went to? I think it was The Shins? They were so awesome!

42.  Favourite place to shop at? Well, I quite like Target. But I also adore small resale shops. They always have some really awesome things hiding there.

43. Who inspires you? Oogh, a lot of people. Like a million and a half artists I’ve met online, ones I only know their screenname for, inspire me to get better at art. James Baxter and Sergio Pablos inspire me to get better at animation. Wefflebugs’ art always has such lovely colors, which I adore. featherdragon15′s art has gotten a lot better lately, and that inspires me to keep working hard too! Not to mention they’re working for nasa which is rad af, and also inspires me to keep working toward my dreams. My sibling aconfusedbird inspires me a Lot in a lot of personal ways, like to be more kind to myself and to keep moving forward. My mom inspires me to keep gardening. roachpatrol/roach-works inspired me to get into welding, lizardlicks inspired me into wanting chickens and a small homestead. My teachers inspire me to keep working hard in school. 

44. How old were you when you first got drunk? 19, I think? I’ve only gotten properly drunk once. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat another boiled peanut, but other than that it wasn’t a problem lol.

45. How old were you when you first got high? I haven’t, actually. I don’t have a reason not to or anything, but it’s just never felt like the right vibe yanno?

46.  How old were you when you first had sex? I guess it really depends on your definition. Personally, I’d say I haven’t yet.

47. When was your first kiss? Well, I played spin the bottle when I was seventeen, which was technically my first kiss, but if that doesn’t count then it was about a week before I turned eighteen, and I kissed the guy who’d become my first boyfriend.

48.  Something you want to do until the end of this year? Play video games....I wish I had infinite time to play video games and watch movies and draw and just...enjoy my time on earth, you know? Without feeling like it had a deadline.

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? I try not to live with regrets. 

(50 is ‘post a selfie’ but im on a computer)

51. Who are you most comfortable around? Either aconfusedbird or featherdragon15, i think. 

52.  Name one thing that terrifies you. asdkfjal;sdf i’ve been listening to too much magnus archives and got recommended to ‘not be too scared of one thing’ if i want to avoid the creatures, so uh. hard to decide. I guess I’m scared of...hm. people who just lack the ability to create bonds with people? people who don’t care about other living things. humans can be fucking terrifying. 

53. What kind of books do you read? Oh, just about anything. Fantasy, realistic fiction, romance, mysteries, thrillers, scifi...all are great. I didn’t used to enjoy nonfiction but it really depends on the nonfiction.

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self? You’re going to have a best friend someday, and it will be everything you wanted. Things with your mother will improve when you’re in your last few years of high school. You’re going to become a great artist.

55.  What is your favourite flower? Not sure! I like many. There was this one flower i found in high school that smelled incredible, but I’ve no idea what it was. I should find it again.

56. Any bad habits you have? ...Well. Not waking up when my alarm goes off is pretty annoying. My procrastination in general’s frustrating. And, well, just between you, me, and the rest of the internet, (tw: self harm) my trichotillomania causes me constant distress and anxiety.

57. What kind of people are you attracted to? People who want to learn new things, are kind and compassionate, respect me, and have a good sense of humor. Someone I can be adventurous with.

58. What was the last thing you cried for? Well, i answered a similar question earlier, so I’ll answer for the second most recent time I cried. I was in Pennsylvania, the day I had to fly home, and when I went to check in for my flight, all the seats were taken, and I needed to pay for an upgrade if I wanted to guarantee a spot on the flight. This wouldn’t be a huge problem, except that for both of my flights to get home, an upgrade cost $70. And seventy dollars was a big chunk out of my budget for, you know, food. So I cried out of stress and frustration with the airport companies for charging me seventy bucks for ten more inches of legroom that I didn’t want nor need.

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you? Not really! In terms of what’s normally accepted as “food” in American society, that is. I don’t care much for worms or insects. Other than that, I’m interested enough to try almost anything once.

60. Are you in love? In love? No. Am I full of love? Yes, for many, many, many things. 

61.  Something you find romantic? Oh man, anything could be romantic if done by someone I care for. I think gentleness is romantic. Quality time is my love language, so if my partner cancelled plans to spend time with me, that’d be romantic. I find romance in trying new things and going to new places.

62. How long was your longest relationship? Four months or so. It’s the only relationship I’ve been in, though, and I hadn’t intended for it to go past summer, so that was longer than I’d even planned on haha.

63, 64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? Opposite sex? Uhhh kind of hard to answer this one. I mean, i hate the culture in which men are raised to be, but I’ve heard that ‘male’ and ‘female’ brains aren’t particularly predisposed to anything in particular? Like, both men and women are capable of emotional intelligence and compassion, it’s just that our culture doesn’t encourage it in men. 

65. What are you saving money for? Food, college. I might treat myself to a school trip to Disney, but I don’t think I have the budget rn. As a student I’m kind of coasting by on the bare minimum rn, I don’t have anything i CAN save up for.

66. How would you describe your bad side? I mostly just avoid you or try to not spend time with you. 

67. Are you actually a good person? Why? I think I am. I care about other people and try to make other people’s lives easier and happier. I try every day to become more sensitive to other perspectives. I do what I can to benefit the earth for those who will come after me.

68. What are you living for? Ooh, deep stuff. I’m living for helping other people. I’m living for my friends and family. 

69 (nice).  Have you ever done anything illegal? Pfft, guys, jaywalking is illegal. So yes. I’ve also drank while underage before. But nothing really big, no.

70.  Do you like your body? Wait a second. This was number 11, too. Well, I guess I’ll change it to What don’t you like about your body? Which is my under-chin. It’s kind of a double chin, kind of not. But while most things I could change about my body, I don’t think I could change that without surgery. And yeah, I’ve thought about it. Not that I have any of the cash for it. I also wish I didn’t have (tw: self-harm) trichotillomania, so I’d have more eyelashes and eyebrows.

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? I think I probably have, to douchebags. Like “hey, that’s inappropriate”.  

72.  Ever sent nudes? Nope!

73. Have you ever cheated on someone? God, no. Big #1 no no for me.

74. Favourite candy? I RECENTLY DISCOVERED TAKE 5′S AND REESES HAVE COMBINED INTO ONE GLORIOUS CANDY BAR, SO, THAT.

75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! Agh, okay. @ aconfusedbird, @ busket, @ loreweaver-universe, @ orange-plum. The four blogs I don’t actually follow, but whose blogs I visit every day. It changes around every few years. It used to be a different bunch back when I first got on tumblr. I really have no idea why I haven’t followed them. Habit, I suppose? Also, it still won’t let me tag my sib for some reason. (nvm I removed the tags, i don’t want to bother them)

76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game? lmao uh, that’s kind of an understatement. I can’t list all my favorite games, but I’m very fond of The Last of Us. I have played. So many video games. I’ll chat about them anytime!

77. Favourite TV series? Avatar: The Last Airbender, I think. It’s really hard to top that.

78. Are you religious? Does God exist? Not really religious, no. I do think that there’s probably a god out there that sparked the Big Bang. I don’t really follow the Christian God because despite what every church service said, I never felt like He loved me. Jesus was a super cool guy, though. If there’s a god out there, I think they pretty much keep to themselves. Maybe have some fun watching creation, but don’t really interact with it at all.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? asdkfj;as i don’t remember. probably my textbook Directing the Story by Francis Glebas? It was a pretty cool book about moviemaking.

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? I’ve reblogged a lot on the subject. I respect those who practice it, but it can cause a lot of environmental harm. In theory, it’s not bad! 

81. How long have you been on Tumblr? Like eight years or so? Maybe nine? wild. I visited blogs daily before the number got high enough i was like ‘okay i’ll just make an account’.

82. Do you like Chinese food? Oh, yes!

83-85. McDonalds or Subway?   Vodka or whiskey? Alcohol or drugs? Subway, whiskey and alcohol.

86.  Ever been out of your province/state/country? Yes, yes, and no!

87. Meaning behind your blog name? I’ve had this one for many years now. I really like the word ‘saccharine’ -- inspired by @ saccharinesylph back in the old days -- and i couldn’t just name myself ‘saccharine’, so i needed something else. and I was pretty big into Good Omens at that time, and I was like ‘haha! saccharine, good, omens. saccharine omens!’ Plus, it feels like a very positive and comforting name, and I strive to be a comforting person. 

88. What are you scared of? ok i def answered this moving on

89. Last time you were insulted? uhhhhhhhhh no idea. oh, wait! i know. i was getting graded on my performance at my job late last year and i disagreed with the grade my boss gave me. It was like ‘person shows considerable care of their community and goes above and beyond to educate others’ and i was like ‘oh yeah that’s, like, my whole Thing, my whole Goals and Personality and Ideals’ and then my boss came in and was like ‘2/4′ and i was like ‘wtf??’ Apparently she felt that i just wasn’t really applying that part of myself to my job, and i was like ‘you serious? i’m doing a lot!’ but also she’s my boss.

90. Most traumatic experience? A series of emotionally/mentally abusive things my mom did during my childhood. It’s definitely had the longest lasting effects of any trauma. Permanent anxiety problems, ptsd, my self harm, the whole shebang. Don’t worry, though, like. Things are way better between us, and she’s apologized many times.

91. Perfect date idea? Going on a hike! Maybe walking on a beach. Just spending time together and talking. Eating some delicious food. Spending the entire day with each other, then curling up and cuddling at home and watching a movie. then talking some more. lots of handholding and kisses. im a super hopeless romantic.

92. Favourite app on your phone? the internet, ofc lmao. But other than that I use Animal Crossing Pocket Camp and Pokemon Go an awful lot. 

93. What colour are the walls in your room? At school a boring white, although I’ve taped some art up. At home a really pretty light blue color that I did all myself.

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? I do! And I like so many channels, honestly. I really like Rachel and Jun, and I really like Pop Culture Detective. I’ve seen a lot of jackscepticeye’s stuff, too. Proko, Vox, and Sinix Design are all good too.

95. Share your favourite quote. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.” -Dr Seuss

96.  What is the meaning of life? To be happy, enjoy yourself, and love others!

97. Do you like horror movies? Ha ha ha, not really. I liked A Quiet Place though. 

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? She’s cried sometimes over how she treated us in the past. Sometimes it happens because I talk about how she’s hurt me. She always expresses regret and apologizes again. 

99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way? I feel lucky with how I met my best friend. We’d had band together and kind of both thought each other as a cool person, but we didn’t really hit it off until a couple years later and she saw me drawing Homestuck fanart in Psychology lmao. The rest is history. Love you so much, Haley. I feel lucky my mom realized she was being abusive and stopped, too. Not everyone gets that. 

100. Can you keep a secret? Oh, definitely. But do tell me what needs to be secret, otherwise I won’t know. For example, my sib asked me to keep their gf busy while they bought her a present, so I tried, but then she was like ‘oh, where’s your sibling? we should find them’ i was like ‘oh no, i think they’re just buying something, it’s fine’ but she was stubbornly moving toward the checkout and i was like ‘stop, i think they’re buying something for you’ so i. kinda told a secret? i didn’t tell her what the present was though.

JESUS THAT WAS A LOT OF TYPING, LMAO. IT’S THREE AM. GOODNIGHT

[stump-wentz-hurley-trohman]

For the 1st question thingy you rb. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51,52,53,54,55,56,57,58,59,60,61,62,63,64,65,66,67,68,69,70,71,72,73,74,75,76,77,78,79,80,81,82:83:84,85,86,87,88,89,90,91,92,93,94,95,96,97:98:99,100

Fun game: Take a shot any time I say “Probably” or “I don’t know”I don’t take any responsibility if you dieIs a kiss considered cheating?On the lips, I guess, yeahHave you ever faked orgasm?….noIf you could have one superpower, what would it be?Refill anythingDo you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?I plan on itTell us some funny drunk story.So once, I drank 4 bottles of vanilla coke and then diedWhy are you no longer together with your ex?Mental HealthIf you had to choose one way to die, what would it be?QuicklyWhat are your current goals?Right, so, I wanna become really really rich, I wanna own a castle, and then I’m going to open a cafe, and that cafe is going to cater to people with dietary needs and it’s gonna be an animal cafeDo you like someone?YeahWho was the last person to disappoint you?MyselfDo you like your body?Eh, sometimesCan you keep a diet?NEver triedIf the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?I would cryDo you work?Our bodies are technically always working, so yesIf you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?PastaWould you get a tattoo?If I’m not scared of needlesSomething you don’t mind spending all your money on?Vanilla CokeCan you drive?YeahWhen was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?I have no ideaWhat was the last thing you cried for?My existanceDo you keep a journal?YupIs life fun?It can be, a tip is to burn things Is farting in front of people irrelevant?….What’s your dream car?I have no ideaAre grades in school important?Kind of, but likeDescribe your crush.DorkWhat was the last book/movie that really impressed you?i don’t knowWhat was your last lie?I have no ideaDumbest lie you ever told?I also have no idea Is crying in front of people embarrassing?For me, sometimesSomething you did and you are proud of?A drawingWhat’s your favourite cocktail?A RoosterSomething you are good at?Being tiredDo you like small kids?Some of themHow are you feeling right now?TiredWhat would you name your daughter/son?Starfire Ravenclaw Naruto the 4thWhat do you need to be happy?Coffee, sugar, vanilla cokeIs there some you want to punch in the face right now?NoWhat was the last gift you received?My friend gave me chocolateWhat was the last gift you gave?Ice creamWhat was the last concert you went to?TATINOFFavourite place to shop at?OfficeworksWho inspires you?MeHow old were you when you first got drunk?I have no idea, I think I’ll be 20, or something, maybe 18 How old were you when you first got high?I never haveHow old were you when you first had sex?I’m asexualWhen was your first kiss?Last yearSomething you want to do until the end of this year?SleepIs there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?ProbablyPost a selfie.Hehehe, noWho are you most comfortable around?IsaacName one thing that terrifies you.What kind of books do you read?What would you tell your 12 year old self?You’re an idiot, shut up, you don’t know anything, trust me.Get some help, eat properly, tell mum about the bullies, just, freaking helpWhat is your favourite flower?CarnationAny bad habits you have?A lotWhat kind of people are you attracted to?MeWhat was the last thing you cried for?Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?Are you in love?NoSomething you find romantic?DrugsHow long was your longest relationship? 6 monthsWhat are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?That I’m one, I don’t know, I don’t knowWhat are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?THe ones in my classWhat are you saving money for?MeHow would you describe your bad side?I can be a freaking assAre you actually a good person? Why?I have no ideaWhat are you living for?Me, cats, and vanilla cokeHave you ever done anything illegal?I don’t think soDo you like your body?Not reallyHave you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?I hope notEver sent nudes?NoHave you ever cheated on someone?NoFavourite candy?Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!@sapphic-nooraDo you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?Not on the computer. My favourite game I own is Forza Horizon 3My favourite game I’ve seen is Until DawnFavourite TV series?Miss Fisher’s Murder MysteriesAre you religious? Does God exist?I’m not religious and I go back and fourthWhat was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?Four weeks five peopleWhat do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?How long have you been on Tumblr?Do you like Chineese food?McDonalds or Subway?SUbwayVodka or whiskey?Which one’s better to set things on fireAlcohol or drugs?They existEver been out of your province/state/country?YupMeaning behind your blog name?My friends and I had a joke I was married to Fall Out Boy, but now, I just love the bandWhat are you scared of?Being abandonedLast time you were insulted?I don’t know, I jokingly say I’m insulted a lot so who knowsMost traumatic experience ?Well, people being put in solitary torture, that’s a pretty traumatic experience I would thinkPerfect date idea?Movies/Games/TV Shows hugs coffee and cakeFavourite app on your phone?TUmblrWhat colour are the walls in your room?WhiteDo you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?Kickthepj or Emma BlackeryShare your favourite quote.“Magic can kill, knives can kill, even small children launched at great speed can kill”What is the meaning of life?To be happy?Do you like horror movies?Eh?Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?Yes, I was an assholeDo you feel lucky or special in a way?Not reallyCan you keep a secret?Yeah

[soap-brain]

‘sup i got tagged by @elroymarvelous (and i need to stop using ‘sup as a greeting jesus christ *tips fedora*)

aaand i’m tagging @bottomkirk @greetings-from-the-suffer-puppet @isthisspockspeaking @lieutenant-sapphic @loststarlight @wordssometimesfail @trappist-1p @autisticarchieandrews @greenjimkirk @plaidshirtjimkirk @jamest-kirk @subinnnnn @tomatosdumpster @thetardisismysoulanimal @random-fandoms-trash @thatpunktrekkie and anyone else who wants to do this! just consider yourself tagged :)

 THE LAST

1. Drink: black tea

2. Phone call: my dad? i think? i don’t call people unless i can’t totally avoid it

3. Text message: @isthisspockspeaking

4. Song you listened to: we built this city by starship

5. Time you cried: ???? probably last week or tomorrow

6. Dated someone twice: njoope

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i’m unkissed, therefore...

8. Been cheated on: nah

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: lkjsldfjslfjklasjdflajs life is hell atm so yes, constantly

11. Gotten drunk + thrown up: literally every time i have as much as two cocktails?? i don’t get it tbh. and i didn’t even really get drunnk

3 Favorite Colors

12. yellow

13. blue

14. green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. Made new friends: yup!

16. Fallen out of love: didn’t even fall in love so falling out of it is kinda difficult

17. Laughed until you cried: the aquarium incident in physics lab the week before last. i’ve never laughed so hard in my life i think. cried again when we rehashed it

18. Found out someone was talking about you: i guess?? but i knew it already, and it wasn’t bad stuff

19. Met someone who changed you: uhh? maybe

20. Found out who your friends are: (does this year count as last year?? do we mean last calendar year or last 12 months? cause then HELL YES jesus)

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook page: thank god no lol

GENERAL:

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: almost all of them, but there’re a couple where i only assume who they are tbh

23. do you have any pets: ... five cactuses. i bet that counts :p

24. do you want to change your name: i wrote a wonderful monologue about how ravenna is actually p great and i’m learning to be her at @greetings-from-the-suffer-puppet a couple days ago or so. my name makes me pretty damn unique, and i like it!

25. what did you do for your last birthday: went out to dinner with my family and got drinks with an ex-friend later

26. what time did you wake up: I OVERSLEPT AND WOKE UP AT TEN AM MY ALARM WAS FOR 6:30 FUCK ME

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: uh. @bottomkirk uhhh MADE ME watch the dramatic readings of my immortal

28. name something you can’t wait for: august 1, 2017, around 2pm (i’ll be done with my chem final by then and probably also through the post-final breakdown and hopefully already packing / having packed my suitcase)

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: two weeks ago (ish)

31. what are you listening to right now: the two illustrious construction zones a street over :D and whatever else comes through the window. also rain pattering

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes my dad’s best friend’s name is tom and he’s a cool dude. weird, since he’s an artist, but cool

33. something that is getting on your nerves: well i’m mostly done with being insanely annoyed by the spn fandom, so atm it’s the mcu

34. most visited website: tumblurb

35. hair colour: ???? it’s like a dark blonde in places but the tips are light blonde. i’m considering becoming a redhead over the summer :D

36. long or short hair: mine? long. on people? whatever floats their boat

37. do you have a crush on someone: no

38. what do you like about yourself: ???? i think i’m getting a really good grip on my life but it does contain lots of internal crying

39. piercings: two in both ear lobes

40. blood type: 0+ i think. i’m sure about the 0 but i forgot my rhesus type

41. nickname: i don’t have one :( please give me one?

42. relationship status: single pringle terrified to mingle

44. pronouns: she/her

45. favourite tv show: wtf kinda question is that. tos all the way

46. tattoos: i WANT but i’m so broke i don’t quite know how to afford food for the next two weeks haha

47. right or left handed: right

48. surgery: a couple minor ones, once getting my wisdom teeth out and once having a dark birthmark removed. also i think i had to get one of my milk teeth removed by the dentist :D also there was the glass table incident. me and my sisters all have actual scars from that glass table. i p much slit my lip on it and you can still see the scar! fun times! my other sister has a small piece of her ear missing bc of that table :D

50. sport: horseback riding (*cries* i wish i had a stable here), yoga, running

51. vacation: THIS STUPID QUESTION IS IN ALL THESE THINGS AND I JUST HAVE TOO MANY ANSWERS!! ugh. FINE. let’s do this as per the distance these places are away from me. berlin. the netherlands. sweden. the uk. iceland. italy (esp rome, venice and ravenna), france. greece (all the ancient cultures yay). barcelona. idk whether egypt is safe atm but egypt (the pyramids and that all). south africa. japan. china. australia. chile. brazil. mexico. the usa (a roadtrip. you know, the classic. also nyc??? i miss you. also hey i have friendos there!!). canada. OUTER FUCKING SPACE LIKE WHOA

52. pair of trainers: does this mean the shoes or a coach?? i do own shoes if that is the question. several even.

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: rn? nothing. but there will likely be pancakes today

54. drinking: water, and obscene amounts of black tea

55. I’m about to: study (lmao procrastination ftw)

56. waiting for: august 1, 2017, 2pm

57. want: a fucking break

58. get married: maybe

59. career: doctor!! (hey what do you call a nerdy doctor? a DORKtor ahhahahaha love me please)

54. drinking: as in alcohol?? ehh. i have half an apple cider in the fridge, and other than that there’re like two cocktails i like to drink, maybe three

WHICH IS BETTER:

60. hugs or kisses: i’m touch starved so i’m a slut for any kind of physical attention tbh

61. lips or eyes: i like lips cause then you can speak and eat food. i like eyes for seeing (though mine have a glitch. i need an expansion pack for them)

62. shorter or taller: i’m tall. small people are ok but you need to be careful so you don’t lose them in your purse

63. older or younger: ??? well i like kids and seniors can be assholes but also vice versa so idk 

64. nice arms or nice stomach: arms bring the food. stomach holds the food. GoodTM (personally? i’d like for my arms to stop having acne and for my stomach to be flat. thank)

65. hookup or relationship: relationship

66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant (i only pretend to be tough lmao)

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: nah

68. drank hard liquor: what qualifies as hard?? i’ve had vodka in my drinks, but they were cocktails, so ?? (actually we made moscow mules when i visited my parents and the recipe said to put in 4 cl of vodka but i’m PRETTY sure my dad put in more)

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: akjslöfdjasldfjasldf fuck me up. yes. also broken them. also you try to have -5 dpt and find your fucking glasses. i can see 20ish cm in front of my face clearly. when i lose my glasses i’m essentially fucked

70. turned someone down: yes, and it was a good idea

71. sex on the first date: ha no

73. had your heart broken: sure

74. been arrested: :D (no)

75. cried when someone died: irl? cried when someone almost died. movies? yes.

76. fallen for a friend: nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: i guess so, yeah!

78. miracles: “magic is just science that you don’t understand yet”

79. love at first sight: no

80. santa claus: excuse you, this is americawashing. in germany we have the christkind. fuck off

81. kiss on the first date: maybe??

82. angels: ehhhh

OTHER:

84. eye colour: slate grey

85. favourite movie: Wonder Woman (2017) dir. Patty Jenkins (elroy wrote this and imma leave this here), also the one with the whales, transporter 3 and a very specific version of cinderella

[morrisbrokaw]

Stop Being Intimidated by these Stupid Things

My beloved friend Ben, on the third day of his new fancy-pants job, finally adjusted the height of his office chair. How embarrassing it would be to clumsily struggle through that in front of new co-workers. Which reminded me of the time, 10+ years ago, when nobody at my new internship told me the key code to the bathroom, so instead of asking – I was an adult-in-training with stunted communication skills – my bladder of steel and I walked across the street to Whole Foods for weeks.

There are so many aspects of being a full-blown grown up that, well, blow (waning metabolism, you’re at the top of the list) but wow does it feel good to ask for what I want and need without feeling embarrassed. And yet, even though I’m now fully capable of asking someone where a bathroom is, we’re all occasionally dragged down by something stupid because we’re intimidated, afraid of not being something enough. Smart, cool, pretty, thin, blah blah blah, wrong wrong wrong. Like that zen proverb says, let go or be dragged. So which is it?

I ain’t gonna be dragged. Here’s a tip-of-the-iceberg list of the everyday aspects of life we all need to shake off and my recommended baby steps towards how to do that. What stupid things are you intimidated by? Let’s commiserate in the comments.

His (seemingly) successful current/ex-girlfriend. I recently found myself in a conversation circle with a man I’ve been youknowwhatting with for over a decade and his on/off/now-on-again cool/kind/beautiful girlfriend and I kept my damn head on straight. So what if she spent four months in Brazil last year? Has perfect teeth? Is a better match for him than I am? Good for them. Truly.

Because she’s All The Things doesn’t mean I’m any less of The Things. If you’re feeling intimidated by his/her current or ex-lady/man, don’t hate me, don’t hate me, don’t hate me, but it’s far more a reflection of you than her. Pinpoint what’s bothering you and harbor those jealous, icky feelings into creative, do-good, live-your-best-Oprah-life ones.

And remember: nothing is as it seems. Last month I had cocktails with a friend who was, according to the Internet, one-half of a seemingly perfect relationship. He’s hot, she’s hot, the month they spent in Morocco also seemed hot. Then, one sip in, my friend unloaded that they’ve been in therapy, haven’t had sex in months (what?!) and she didn’t think they’d make it through their lease. (Spoiler: they didn’t.)

You’re not her or him or them. Let go what you think they are so you can know who you are.

A wine list. Before you get overwhelmed by a mile-long list of grapes you’ve never heard of from wineries that you’ve definitely never heard of – oh gosh, musta missed that issue of Wine Enthusiast – consider a few things. Is the wine list organized any particular way? What’s most important to you: dryness/acidity/sweetness, fruit/earth/spice, grape, region, price? What are you eating? What mood are you in? What’s the weather? Glass or bottle?

While it’s helpful to know if you generally like this and generally don’t like that, the up and downside about wine is that grapes can take on many forms depending on weather, region, skin contact, winemaker, farming practicing and various other factors. So it’s simple: ask your server, bartender or friendly wine shop attendee for assistance. Succumb to the fact that they know more than you do and, if you’re cool, open-minded and decisive about it, they’ll be cool about it too. Take notes of the wines you like, don’t like and why, then record them into the various apps –Delectable and Vivino are popular – which will help you catalog wines you’ve enjoyed.

And if you couldn’t give a crap whether you drink Franzia or Chateauneuf du Pape, go for the second-cheapest. The cheapest is the cheapest for a reason.

Student loans. Hate to break it to you, but Bernie isn’t president and your student loans aren’t going away. But hear me out. I paid off my student loans – all by my damned self, thankyouverymuch – from a Big Ten University where I got a kinda useless journalism degree because that’s what our parents told us we needed to succeed which I guess I don’t regret but it also wasn’t nearly as necessary as we were meant to believe but don’t get me started. Anyways, I worked a hodgepodge of $8/hour jobs, drank fewer beers than my friends and paid that big bill off in full at age 22, not long after my six-month interest-free grace period ended.

It wasn’t easy. I drove a ‘99 Buick whose windows would roll down but not up – parking in ramps was the worst – and would oftentimes sustain solely on snacks. Being debt-free was top-priority for me though, so I planned my life accordingly.

Seeing that intimidatingly gigantic bill month after month get barely less intimidatingly gigantic month after month must be exhausting. So get a game plan together. Establish a budget, decide how to funnel more money into paying them and decide whether to pay off your smallest loan first or the one with the highest interest rate. Which would motivate you more? If you ever need a high five or pep talk, you know where to find me.

Asking your doctor about that mole. This spot, that bump, this weird thing that I’m not really sure what it is but should I be worried? Ask away! Doctors, including my sweet friend Rachel who lets me text her pictures of all my weird bodily questions, went to school for a long time to know answers to yours. (Thanks for diagnosing my shingles, Rach!) Trust your gut, put embarrassment aside and make a list of things to ask while you’re there so you don’t blank, get flustered or chicken out.

WTF does capital gains mean?! Or what’s the difference between a Roth and traditional IRA? 401-what? How much should I stash away under my mattress, I mean, into an emergency fund?

Short answer: hire a financial advisor. Hell, I’ll be your financial advisor if you want. It’s terribly tempting to complain about how the Baby Boomers will suck up all the social security and we won’t be able to retire anyway, so why even plan for it? Or – who knows! – we could all die tomorrow, which is sometimes how I feel when I watch the news. Still, future you will be so proud of current you if you squirrel away so you can retire to an estate on Mykonos someday.

The sooner, the better. Ask friends and family members if they have a financial advisor they trust. Or perhaps start with an investment app like Acorns, which monitors your banking activity and automatically moves the change from your morning coffee or tank of gas into investments.

A scary gym class. For no other reason other than “why not,” I recently went to a class at a gym that was harder, cheesier and longer than I prefer. It was not my scene. The gym was in the suburbs. Glow sticks were involved. So was a frighteningly buff teacher and her gaggle of groupies who hogged all the mirror space up front. Still, I’m so glad I went. I was sore for days and reminded myself how wasteful I think glow sticks are.

Workout culture can be intimidating, I get it. Showing up for a hardcore cycle class when you haven’t even been on a Schwinn in years is akin to going to a new school and not knowing where to sit in the cafeteria. Ask questions. Show up early. Research what you might need to bring. Your instructor should be kind and accommodating and if they aren’t, then don’t go back to that class.

Passing someone on the sidewalk. “I’m just gonna sneak around you, thanks!”

Teens. They’re so cool these days. But remember, the angst of teenage years is timeless and you never want to be one ever again because hormones are real. I hope for all of our sakes they take over the world sooner rather than later, so stop being intimidated by them and start encouraging them to use their savvy voices and YouTube followers for what’s right.

Parking/paying/doing things on your own at a place you’ve never been before. All this said, a titch of intimidation is good for ya – it keeps us humble. Just not from the stupid stuff, okay? Now, are you going to let go or be dragged?

Image: 1

Megan McCarty is a writer, editor, etc.-er who has written about life, travel and – shh, don’t tell her mother – s-e-x for Garance Doré, Apartment 34, Rue and more. She’s a firm believer in the zipper merge. Follow along with her adventures (and, well, misadventures) on Instagram. 

    The post Stop Being Intimidated by these Stupid Things appeared first on Wit & Delight.

Stop Being Intimidated by these Stupid Things published first on https://workbootsandshoes.tumblr.com/

[annieintheaair]

Cheers to the Lonely

Sunday I drove down to Dallas because, by some miracle, I escaped crew scheduling and was able to have the day off. After being up since 12:30am Dallas time, grabbing a quick breakfast sandwich and coffee in Detroit, and then working one flight home, I knew I was really risking it because we landed at 8am and they could technically call me again at 8pm for an all-nighter since they didn’t reassign me upon landing that morning. It was a risk but I was hoping to get some Christmas shopping done and the Boho Market was going on at the Farmers Market.

After doing some craft projects early that morning once I got home, I headed up to check on the progress at my house and then drove down to Dallas. As usual, I got lost (Thanks, Google maps!) and drive around for an extra 20-30min. Once I got there, parking was difficult, the crowds were crazy, and all anyone sold was boho-inspired jewelry that all looked the same at every booth. I was stressed out because of the drive and getting lost and after being around people for days, I was pretty annoyed with the crowds at the market.

I might have been there for thirty minutes or less and then left, hoping to check out this new coffee shop/bakery place that opened downtown. Needless to say, that was also a major fail because there was no parking anywhere nearby and I just didn’t feel like driving around any longer.

I hopped on the highway and was about to jump on the tollway heading home when I texted Mitchell about meeting up for a drink, which I desperately needed. I knew that was also a risk since I could technically be called in a few hours but I checked my number on the list and shrugged it off, figuring I’d just take it easy and pray they didn’t call.

Mitchell and I planned to meet up at Bar Louie but he had some work to finish up so I walked in, sat at the bar, and decided I’d get started on a beer anyway. I was a few sips in when a mixed drink shot appeared in front of me. I looked to my left, where a guy with the same shot in his glass lifted it up to toast. He toasted to us lonely people and while I appreciated it, my heart sunk a little, knowing it was all too true. I looked at the guy in between us, who clearly had just been stood up by his wife, and I kind of had to wonder which was really worse.

The night continued with heading to an old people bar, which reminded me of a VFW location, where we drank beer and played pool and socialized with the senior citizens of Dallas. Afterwards, we decided to grab dinner at this excellent Mexican place and then I headed home to shower, jump into bed, and pray I wouldn’t be called.

I sat on ready reserve all day Monday and got things done at home and around town and even managed to clean my apartment. By that evening, I checked my status and they decided to release me for Tuesday so I listed myself for a flight and headed home to NJ for the week Tuesday morning.

Before I forget, I’d really like to thank everyone for their support and kind words on my last post. Those of you who commented on Twitter and reached out to be about feeling lonely, I really appreciate it. Sometimes I think that the best we have sometimes is to be lonely together and y’all have made me feel much less alone.

Since my last post, I’ve really been thinking. You know what’s super annoying? App dating. I miss the good old days when we met people in normal environments and hoping to find someone better wasn’t a simple swipe away. I hate never knowing what anything is and having all of these questions like are you exclusive or are you still swiping or what? There’s so much ambiguity. I’m pretty gosh darn close to deleting all of my apps (I’ve been deleting about one every week... baby steps y’all!) because it’s honestly not for me.

After everything that I’ve been through with relationships, I’ve learned that the most important thing to me is trust. Even more so now with my job as a flight attendant and all of the travel that I do, I need someone that I can trust 1000%. Communication is a huge part of that, too.

The same year I became a flight attendant, I dated a guy for a few months who was a pilot for a regional carrier. There’s a lot to be said about dating a pilot because there are positives and negatives. Positives because they totally understand the job but the negative of trying to figure out schedules and actually getting to see each other. I’d never tell him but out of all of the guys I’ve dated over the year, he’s probably the only one I would ever reconsider. His “good morning,” “good night,” and “fly safe” texts meant the world to me. Even though we spent a lot of time apart, he always felt close and I always knew he was thinking about me and actually cared. We understood each other in ways that people outside the airline industry just don’t understand. To this day, we are still friends because, in the end, it was the distance of home cities, base cities, and everything in between that just made things too difficult for us. He was offered a job at a mainline carrier and preparing for that and I just knew that I wouldn’t be a priority for a while. It sucked but he taught me a lot about what I needed most from a relationship and that’s when I learned how important communication really was for me in terms of trust.

I’ll take you back for a little clarification... back in the day, in college, my awful boyfriend, the cheater, would ignore my texts and I wouldn’t hear from him and well, it ate me up inside because I knew that when I didn’t hear from him, most of those times, he was with other girls, especially at night and on the weekends. After dealing with that, it’s really hard to ever get past that and trust someone when you don’t hear from them. It has affected my relationships since then more than I’d ever care to admit.

These days, with app dating, I get really nervous. When everyone is still on apps you just kind of wonder, are they seeing other people? How many other people are they seeing? Are they swiping and swiping and swiping hoping to find someone better than you? I’ve learned a lot at church this year about finding the one and relationships in general and I don’t want to keep swiping away, being one of those people, hoping that someone better will always come along. While app dating wasn’t a thing when I was in college, my ex definitely was real-life swiping. He put me on the back-burner, thinking I’d always be there, waiting around, ready to forgive him and take him back and after years and years of “swiping,” now, 10 years after we first met, I think in some crazy way he has kind of realized what he did and how badly he screwed up.

The thing is, life isn’t about finding the most perfect person or the person you’re most compatible with, really. You might get married to someone and find that yeah, there might be someone who could be better for you out there but God will give you the person he has chosen for you anyway. It’s not going to be perfect but it will be wonderful because it was all his plan.

I’m over the apps, I’m over the ambiguity and I’m at the point where I’d rather be alone than put myself in more situations where I’m nervous and worried and feeling all kinds of insecure. App dating brings out the worst in many of us. It brings out all of that insecurity because we’re always worried, not knowing what’s real and what’s not. I hate all of the wondering about exclusivity and I hate not knowing how to ask the big questions. While I know love isn’t always black and white, I do want dating to be a little more black and white. I don’t want the apps. If deleting the apps means being alone, then so be it.

What’s really crazy these days is that when I first started this blog, nearly three years ago, I spent a lot of time writing about my dating life. I had great stories to tell about failure dates and occasionally, I wrote about some really great dates where I thought there might be a little bit of potential. I mostly stopped writing about dates since some dates would discover my blog and not appreciate whatever I had to say or I had a few instances where they asked me why they were still single. I don’t date much anymore and most of my free time is spent with my married friends. Girls nights are pretty rare recently and even my layover life is pretty dull since I’ve been working a secondary job 29 hours per week (work-from-home), which is why my blog has really fallen to the wayside. I have definitely changed a lot over the last three years. I can’t really chalk it up to getting older because I’m not that old but I am definitely tired. Life has been incredibly busy and I haven’t cared as much lately about meeting someone as I’ve cared about other life goals.

Y’all, if you have any tips for meeting people in the real world, please feel free to fill me in. Prior to app dating, I just didn’t date for a good three or so years and before that, I was in college. If meeting people outside of the phone still exists, I’d love to know!

xoxo

Annie