#hatingmyself

[springblossomofwisdom]

Of course, I will. I'll totally answer the question "Are you okay?" while I'm washing the dishes in front of my entire family. Yea. I'm going to explain everything that I feel wrong about my body, right now. While I'm in the middle of something with wet hands and dirty clothes, I'm going to burst into tears and confess that I hate myself. Perfect timing.

[grumpymoons]

1

Hello, 

This is maybe my third or fourth attempt at writing something that I feel is acceptable. I keep deleting my writing because I am worried it sounds odd or I am not properly articulating the point I am trying to get across. I wonder if it has actually been bad or if it is just me being hyper critical of myself. I want to write posts that make sense and make other people feel seen. I have not been able to find a blog or social media that talks about all of the things I wish I was seeing. I want to see a young woman my age discussing her struggles as she goes through life. Someone who was just recently diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and PCOS. A girl who is struggling to come to terms with it all. Who is honest about her experiences and struggles. A girl who just simply writes about coming of age in this difficult world we live in.

While there may be these out there, I have yet to find them, but I will keep searching to find connection. For now I will simply do it myself. I will write about everything I can and hope to make at least one person out there feel less alone. Gosh have I felt so alone for so much of my life. Just alone in my brain and my thoughts. This blog is also good for when things do finally change. I will be able to look back when I was struggling to get out of bed, very low on friends, and wishing for it to get better, and be proud of the growth and progress I have made. 

I have been 22 for around 9 months and yet I often still feel as though I am 14, just starting high school and trying my hardest to fit in. I have always felt this desperate need to be liked by everyone around me. That has definitely not happened lol, but I guess in the end being liked should not be a priority. I am working on accepting that by being myself I will draw in people that truly like me for me and not this masked version of myself so many in my life know. 

I guess I have often felt like I MUST keep this fake outward appearance of being okay all the time. The thought of burdening others or bringing them down with my depression and anxiety has been such a fear. I have felt so deeply sad for so much of my life and did not know where to even start when it came to starting the process of healing. Actually I know my depression has brought some others down whith just how deep Ive let it sink into me. It has infected many of the people surrounding me and I am so deeply sorry for that. I often think of the people I have hurt or lost connection with due to me hatingmyself and projecting these fears and anxieties onto others. To growth and change though. I have chosen to accept the pass and all I can do is move forward, right my wrongs, and do better in the future.

Here are some things I have been wanting to write about. 

I have recently been watching Dimension 20’s Freshman Year Dungeons and Dragons game. I have always wanted to get into dnd but have not had a solid crowd of friends that were also interested in things like that. It has been so much fun making my way through their episodes and seeing the wild directions a game can grow. I have been watching maybe two or three episodes a day and I am going to try to keep that up until I finish Junior Year. I wonder how long we will have to wait for senior year IF they even decide to do one. Watching this game has really put into perspective how much of the quote on quote “Nerdy Stuff” I have avoided my whole life. But actually that is not true. I outwardly made it appear like i was avoiding it, but then in secret would enjoy all of these things. If I heard it would make people not like me then I was scared of doing it. That’s such fucking bullshit. So glad I am beginning to actually do the things I enjoy. I like table top games! I like video games! I really like watching twitch streams of people plying my favorite games! Hopefully soon I will be able to join my own first campaign of dnd. That would be fabulous. First I will be starting by creating my character. I believe I have now started a dnd hyper fixation and I am quite excited about it. 

I have come to a realization on my interest in the sex, kink, and fetish category. I have always been so fascinated by it all. Fascinated by the thought of pleasure so great a person is shaking and illegible. The idea of being brought to sub space and how fantastic it sounds. True aftercare from a partner who just wants to take care of me and make sure I am okay in every way. The excitement of how many sub genres there are in the world of sex and kink. I have been reading and watching many things on these topics since elementary school. Ive felt this innate shame about it the entire time though. I think It is important for me to get rid of that shame and accept that I like this stuff and it is okay. It is okay to have many of the kinks I do. I will find a partner who will work with me to figure out if they are things we can take part in together. Actually maybe my current partner will and I just need to push past the fear and talk to him about it all. I guess all we can do is experiment and trust each other. I will be keeping a log of my journey here. 

I have been wanting to write my own story for a while now. At first I was trying to come up with an entirely new idea, but more recently Ive decided to start with something that I already know. I know the Harry Potter universe extremely well. I have been a fan for as long as I can remember. Reading the books, too many fanfictions to count, the movies, and fan made films has been a huge part of my life. I think I will start by writing fanfiction. In fact I have so many ideas I will be able to put into a story. The characters and general backstory are already there. I just need to go into depth a little more on that and then create their future. I will start with Dramione, but I would love to write some marauders ff one day. I adore all of these fanon characters so much. I will also be keeping track of my progress on this blog. 

I love to write and I hope that through blogging more I will learn to articulate my words a lot better. Thanks for reading all of this if you get this far lol.

Moons

[tecnorogue]

📂Social Media:

Twitter: @ tecnorogue

Tiktok: @ tecnorogue (and sometimes @broknclown)

PayPal (for commisions): @ hatingmyself

Kinda lazy to make an introduction even if I wanna take serious this blog "$"%·$ but yeah I'm an artist that wants to be known because of their original character and not fandoms... I kinda wanna make at least short comics for them while I'm on vacation so yeah let's hope my lazyness doesn't take over... (Also I wanna have artist friends so pls pls ;;)

[bloodunicorn]

All my fucking life

#hatingmyself

[mentallyherede]

🎗️ Heute ist der letzte Tag der #eatingdisorderawarenessweek in den USA🇺🇸 Eine wichtige Zeit, um Bewusstsein für Essstörungen zu schaffen und Unterstützung für Betroffene zu fördern. MentalHealthMatters 💪🏼💜💚 Hier sind einige Warnzeichen, auf die man achten sollte:⬇️ 🚨 Warnzeichen von Essstörungen 🚨 🚩 Plötzlicher Gewichtsverlust oder -zunahme 💭 Übermäßiges Interesse an Kalorien und Nährstoffen 👁️ Kontrolle und Einschränkung von Nahrungsmitteln und Mahlzeiten 🙅 Vermeidung von bestimmten Nahrungsmitteln oder ganzen Nahrungsmittelgruppen 👥 Isolation oder Rückzug von sozialen Aktivitäten und Beziehungen 💔 Ein gestörtes Körperbild und Unzufriedenheit mit dem eigenen Körper. 😔 ⭐️Hier sind einige Ressourcen, wo sich Betroffene oder deren Angehörige Hilfe suchen können: ➡️Deutsche Gesellschaft für Essstörungen e.V. ➡️TelefonSeelsorge Deutschland ➡️National Eating Disorders Association Lasst uns gemeinsam dazu beitragen, das Bewusstsein für Essstörungen zu erhöhen und eine Welt zu schaffen, in der jeder Körper geschätzt und akzeptiert wird. 🌎 💜💚💜💚🦋#mentallyhere #mentallyherede #mentalegesundheit #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthcommunity #mentalhealthrecovery #eatingdisorderawareness #eatingdisordersurvivor #eatingdisorder #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexiafight #anorexiaawarness #bulemiarecovery #bulemiarecovery #bingeeatingdisoder #bingeeatingawareness #bodydismorphia #ohimnothungry #emmachota #cassiefromskinsuk #raefrommymadfatdiaryuk #eatingbecauseofstress #bodydisphormicdisorder #bulemiarecovery #katfromdanceacademy #charliespringeatingdisorder #hatingmyself #eatingdisorderrecoveryquotes #stresseatingsucks #essstörungbewusstmachen https://www.instagram.com/p/CpaigmEj3R8/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[sclerata011-blog]

hating the fact that i'm a mia and not an ana they are literally so skinny and beautiful and light and then there is me with my heavy fat ass and my constant desire for throwing up

[becca-sketch]

I hate that I'm hungry

I hate that I'm hungry

I hate that I woke up almost 3 hours ago

I hate that I need to eat

I hate my anxiety

I hate my shakes

I hate looking like the way I look

I hate not being motivated to do the things I love

I have thinking I'm not good enough

I hate that I'm too lazy to do my chores

I hate I get called lazy

I hate people

I hate having emotions

I hate being fat

I hate being me

I hate being me

I hate being me

I hate being me

I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate that I hate life

[dearyouandsincerelyme]

Dear you,

I don’t like the way I look. But you are slowly making me love the way I look. Growing up I had a mother who was skinny and beautiful (later on I realized it was because she has a money and was able to recreate herself) but it made me wish I was too. She also tore me down and told me I was too fat and needed to lose weight my entire life. And then I dated numerous guys who told me to lose weight and that I was fat. Every guy called me thick and fat and overweight. I had one guy offer to buy me a gym membership so I could lose weight. And then when a guy finally came along that didn’t say that, he wanted to pimp me out. He was willing to sell me to other guys so that he could make money without getting a job. And so I could bring in more money and he could buy stuff like a car and a house and all that. But basically by just using me. So when you say I’m perfect, I’m scared that you’re lying or you’re going to use me. So I’m being cautious and I’m sorry.

Sincerely,

Me

[the-river-runs-deep]

People ask why I have a rubber band on my wrist but seem to leave when I tell them why

[finalfantasygirl88]

[52kcal]

I don‘t want to die.. it just feels like dying every single day.

[worthlessinvisible-blog]

[thebuckandeddiething]

I-I...missed...Phil's...quiz...just kill me already

[jor-onthedarkside]

When youre hanging out with friends and a glass breaks and you want to cut so fucking bad.

[mentallyherede]

🎗️ Heute ist der letzte Tag der #Eatingdisorderawarnessweek2023 in den USA🇺🇸 Eine wichtige Zeit, um Bewusstsein für Essstörungen zu schaffen und Unterstützung für Betroffene zu fördern. MentalHealthMatters 💪🏼💜💚 Hier sind einige Warnzeichen, auf die man achten sollte:⬇️ 🚨 Warnzeichen von Essstörungen 🚨 🚩 Plötzlicher Gewichtsverlust oder -zunahme 💭 Übermäßiges Interesse an Kalorien und Nährstoffen 👁️ Kontrolle und Einschränkung von Nahrungsmitteln und Mahlzeiten 🙅 Vermeidung von bestimmten Nahrungsmitteln oder ganzen Nahrungsmittelgruppen �� Isolation oder Rückzug von sozialen Aktivitäten und Beziehungen 💔 Ein gestörtes Körperbild und Unzufriedenheit mit dem eigenen Körper. 😔 ⭐️Hier sind einige Ressourcen, wo sich Betroffene oder deren Angehörige Hilfe suchen können: ➡️Deutsche Gesellschaft für Essstörungen e.V. ➡️TelefonSeelsorge Deutschland ➡️National Eating Disorders Association Lasst uns gemeinsam dazu beitragen, das Bewusstsein für Essstörungen zu erhöhen und eine Welt zu schaffen, in der jeder Körper geschätzt und akzeptiert wird. 🌎 💜💚💜💚🦋#mentallyhere #mentallyherede #mentalegesundheit #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthcommunity #mentalhealthrecovery #eatingdisorderawareness #eatingdisordersurvivor #eatingdisorder #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexiafight #anorexiaawarness #bulemiarecovery #bulemiarecovery #bingeeatingdisoder #bingeeatingawareness #bodydismorphia #ohimnothungry #emmachota #cassiefromskinsuk #raefrommymadfatdiaryuk #eatingbecauseofstress #bodydisphormicdisorder #bulemiarecovery #katfromdanceacademy #charliespringeatingdisorder #hatingmyself #eatingdisorderrecoveryquotes #stresseatingsucks #essstörungbewusstmachen https://www.instagram.com/p/CpZAujNoxll/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[theteenidleguy]

El amor de mi vida se enojó conmigo, fui una kk ese día, no tengo idea de cómo arreglar las cosas. Necesito una gran rebanada de pastel y llorar hasta que pierda la conciencia.

Aunque unos shots de tequila no me quedarían nada mal.