#hasn’t left my brain for WEEKS. i need a lobotomy

[ramslay]

modern ramsayisms because he won’t leave me be

cw: mentioned animal cruelty/death.

cluster b cutie: aspd with narcissistic traits. saigtterius man, your least favorite problematic bisexual.

• has a single nipple pierced. his right, and it’s vertical. he got that done in a warehouse with an absolutely disgusting needle by one of the bastards boys and it’s a miracle it didn’t get infected, turn green and fall off. carrying off that he just gives me has an asymmetrical piercing set up? different piercings on each ear, only one brow pierced, all that fun stuff; none were done professionally. i think he’d have both ears stretched but, of course, his dangly garnet earring still exists- he just clipped it into the plug.

• and, of course, stick n poke tattoos that all vary in how well they healed. they all look bad and a good chunk of them are honestly just really stupid. none of them have any actual meaning. not like he cares to pay an artist what they’re worth, so a needle and a lighter do just fine. i saw someone make a funny on here: “eat flay love,” and i just think it’d be hilarious if he has that + die cry hate tattooed on the sides of his pointer fingers.

• snaggle toothed prick with extra canines that jut out from his upper gums. his bite marks are fucked up and nasty looking.

• long black hair. kind of wavy, but also just not the best maintained. he does not have a 5 step hair care routine... a peter steele type. he looks like he’s designed to wear corpse paint.

• is absolutely white trash. roose really has no reason to have to care about ramsay in a timeline without the need for heirs, especially if domeric is still alive and kicking. on one hand, he’s resentful because he feels he is entitled to “the high life” his father and brother live. on the other? he lacks shame in literally every regard.

• he’s such a cartoon i know in my soul he’d be the full clown package. FANTASTIC with impersonations, something he utilizes at literally the most inappropriate time because he thinks it’s funny. he has such a weird set of skills that nobody understands how or why he learned any of them, but he just whips them out at the most random uncalled of times for a bit. (ex. tap dancing.)

• will listen to about anything musically speaking (he’s really not picky in that respect) but prefers loud, eclectic artists and songs. bonus points if the subject matter is violent or unhinged!! (ex. icp, msi, die antwoord, angelspit, etc etc.) he would also fuck HEAVY with tyler the creator and childish gambino.

• drives a shitty beater truck that is operating off of hopes and prayers, you can also hear it coming from 5 miles away. he has very limited knowledge with tinkering on cars so he’s able to keep it on life support but that’s really it… y’all seen that guy that threatens his car? the general idea… https://youtube.com/shorts/7oHOSqTaBrE?si=ilweoZcsJ-o-Z_VC

• looooves practicing his second amendment right and has a stuffed gun cabinet, he’s also got a gun rack on that piece of shit truck. though he usually mostly only uses them for target practice (shooting bottles in the yard.) he much prefers bow hunting: it’s quieter, more of a challenge, and honestly just more fun for him? in general though he just has far too many weapons for any one person.

• gun collection, yes, but he’s especially fond of his knife collection. he always has a knife on him. he likes to fidget and do tricks with butterfly knives but prefers the practicality of a tactical blade.

• is well versed in internet lore (he would frequent kiwifarms… 4chan and reddit ESPECIALLY.) partially because he’s in these circles himself but also because he would have a hoot and a holler finding the weirdest and most problematic corners of the internet. (ramsay would love 4chan raids) unfortunately the age of the internet also means he has access to a lot of things that he should NOT have access to, in which he exploits on a regular basis.

• belgian malinois father. we in the 21st century baby, he’s got options! he would do great with their ceaseless energy and craze because he, too, is a crackhead! he only has one, though. modernity means he’s gotta be a little more careful with his murdering women hobby. he fully intends on having more one day, though.

• still on the subject of pets but off the dog, i think he’d have a snake too. he does the bare minimum with caring for his animals (sometimes not even that. that poor snake is in a tub with no stimuli) but i think he’d get a sick kick out of live feeding; also, just having an animal that people are usually discomforted by. he’s edgy™️

• he cannot hold down a respectable job to save his life. if he doesn’t quit out of boredom he gets fired because he’s such a shit worker and is absolutely harassing his fellow staff and customers. so! he makes money through more unconventional means. dealing, stealing, you know all that fun stuff. do NOT buy that weed from ramsay! that shit is LACED!!!!!

• a gluttenous beast with a stoner diet while stone cold sober. he needs to have a little snack on him at all times or his hunger bar will deplete instantly and he’ll starve to death. it isn’t uncommon that he just steals food from people after eating his own serving, either. people must guard their plates with their forks lest his grubby little fingers find their way in someones meal.

[themuffin2649]

Edit based off This Post and This Post

Coworker: “So there are these 5 little sh*ts in my head.”

Doctor: “Are they imaginary friends, or does your head feel like something is living in your head?”

Coworker: “No! As in emotions. You know the film Inside Out? That’s literally what’s happening because I always hear them!”

Doctor: “So you gave me this lobotomy stick and asked me to ‘poke them out’ of your head…”

Coworker: “I’m f*cking Desperate!! Yesterday I suddenly vomitted on my fiancée while being proposed to and everybody was looking at us! He left without saying a word and hasn’t talked to me for days!”

Doctor: “Ok… I can’t give you this lobotomy for medical, ethical, and legal reasons but we can do an MRI scan. All you need to do is sign here and come back in a week or two. If what say is true, then we’ll do research on it.”

~~~~~

Fear!OG!MC: “AAAAHHHHH!!! They’re going to experiment on us, we’re gonna have our brain removed!!” Pushes the emergency shutdown button.

~~~~~

Coworker: faints

Doctor: pokes body with lobotomy stick “Hmm… I wonder why that always happens when this case is discussed.”

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2565

today i stayed in bed for a while, contemplating death because it was 91 degrees outside and felt like 99. so i stayed inside and texted lisa and freeda that i wasn't going to be at stained glass tonight, because besides the godawful temperatures and my propensity to overheat and sweat to the point where i can't fuckin use my hands, my transmission still hasn't been fixed. james is ordering the part it needs so he can fix it for me.

but also, a listing i found last night (for a potential place to move for me and the eggs) was having an open house today, and james asked if i wanted to go, so i said sure. i was maybe twenty minutes out and james said he wouldn't be able to make it because he was still working at the garage on stuff (probably my car tbh) and i said no worries, i will. so i went and toured the house and looked at stuff and on the way back i called the eggs and gave them my honest opinion of the place. an iffy 6/10. past water damage, the oil tank and furnace and water heater are in weird places. small bathrooms. the kitchen was nice, and the deck was cool and the downstairs would've been a perfect game room, but the rest of it, the little details, the things that matter? no. so we decided to pass. but they still offered to get me ice cream, so i headed over to their apartment to see them.

chelsea and i went and got ice cream. at this point, all i had eaten was two chocolate frosted donuts with rainbow sprinkles. and then i had four scoops of ice cream, also with sprinkles, but they were jimmies this time. joel texted and asked me what was happening and i told him i was hanging out with the eggs. i hope to see him at some point this week. i miss my joel when i don't get to see him. so hopefully, when my transmission gets fixed, i'll be able to go over and stay over for a while. actually get to hang out with joel since my paper is now finished. i do have those few matlab assignments to do, but in comparison it's like going to the dentist instead of performing a frontal lobotomy on yourself. i would much rather go to the dentist.

-> flashback/ADHD brain,

also, before the open house, i got to talk to FF today again! today was their birthday, and they had the day off from work. they were able to do fun things and have a relaxing day and hang out with the dogs, and it makes me happy that they had a good day.

we also talked about chocolate again, so i have more things to try, but i need to try the ones i already have first. i may do that this weekend. but yeah. i like getting to talk to them. ☺️

-> and then, back at the egg's,

i ended up wanting bad burgers so i said "hey i'm gonna go get myself some shitty burgers" and they said "where" and i said "mcnaldos" and they said "get me some" and "i'll pay if you get us some" so i said "ok" because i'm not gonna say no to free food, yknow?? it took a few minutes to determine what i was gonna get for us all and then i grabbed the card and left. made it back with food that wound up being pretty good, actually - the chickie nuggies were hot and fresh and delicious. unfortunately i only got one sweet and sour sauce, and that only goes so far, and chelsea had been chickennapping nuggies from james, so i gave him the last two i had to replenish his nuggie supplies. the burgies were mcnaldos burgies, so i can't really complain. the fries were really good too, they had the right salt content, and as those were passed to me first, i crouched in a goblin position and consumed the fries like the absolute gremlin i am and james got a kick out of it.

shitty burgies and good nuggies later, i came home and watched the last touchdown of the first football game of the season, and then we finished the episode or whatever was on hallmark movies and mysteries, and then it was murder she wrote. i've been on a major kick of it, because there's four episodes back to back of it on HM&M every night, and me being awake to work on my paper late at night has allowed me to watch many episodes of it. sometimes i'll watch the first episode of magnum PI that comes on after, but i usually watch the first five minutes to see the mustache and the bad attitude before heading up to bed.

but not tonight.

tonight is the peak of the perseids, and i was tired anyway, so after the second episode of murder she wrote i turned off the tv and went outside. i saw four meteors! i think, actually, that three were meteors from the perseids, and the other was low-orbit space junk, because it (1) fell from a different direction, (2) was much dimmer, and (3) lasted longer than the others i saw.

it was the first time i'd seen any of the perseids.

also? i was standing in the back yard, and because of the extension between the house and what used to be the garage, the streetlight out front is blocked. i can actually see the sky. you can see the milky way. so many stars. i checked the weather before going outside. it said it was partly cloudy, but i didn't want to risk it, so i checked myself. i was very surprised to see a crystal clear sky. so i was out there for a bit.

it was truly beautiful.

yknow, sometimes i think about what i do and what i'm studying and i feel like it's not what i should be doing, yknow? because i don't feel like i'm smart enough or good enough or that anyone will take me seriously, and other things like that that wear you down and exhaust you with the "what if"s that make your head spin.

but looking up at the sky tonight reminded me why i'm studying to be an astrophysicist. it's because i love the stars. the night sky. the cosmos. all of it. it was my first love, and i don't know if i'll ever love anything as much as i love the stars. it's kind of romantic, honestly; looking at the stars with wonder and awe, seeing things you normally can't, feeling how small you truly are in the scale of the universe. it's amazing. it's terrifying. but i find it's a lot like falling in love.

-> adhd brain strikes again

while i was in line at mcnaldos i got a snapchat from andrew and he said that his wife came up with an idea for a book that we could write. like. and internal monologue for the day. adhd brain: the book. and i'm so on board with that. narrating what pops in my head all day?? fuck yeah.

-> anyway.

looking at the stars tonight and finding myself thinking about the stars like i have reminds me of that one quote:

"i have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."

(that's sarah williams, but i don't know who she is but attribution is important)

and it reminds me of me. because it's true. behind my house is a lot of woods. it's dark and there's animals that live there. when i was outside, i wasn't afraid of the dark or of the animals. i just wanted to see the stars. and that was all i needed.

anyway it's almost 2am and i am going to bed so i can get up earlier. and then go to bed earlier. so i can get up earlier. i'm trying to adjust my schedule so i sleep for ten hours and wake up for 7. so i'll need to be asleep by 9. so i'll need to be in bed by 8. shit. i don't like that. but that's so i can get to class on time, because not only does it take 80 minutes to get there, i have traffic to deal with, and then i gotta park and walk to my class. so i'm tryina adjust it. sad i'll miss when FF wakes up their time, but i'll be awake earlier so i can talk to them more during the day.

it's a trade-off. but i need that sleep.

i have a few weeks to get there. it's fine.