#hashtagsmileyface

[smdarling]

CHAPTERS THREE AND FOUR POSTED, OFFICIALLY COMPLETE!!!!!!!! (Chapter three is actually the end, chapter four is just Extra.)

Chapters: 4/4 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers Additional Tags: Kinktober, Kinktober 2017, Body Swap, Mildly Dubious Consent, Foreskin Play, Masturbation, anxiety attack, Guilt, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, body image issues, chronic pain mention, Scars, Bonds (Telepathic or Empathic), Body Worship, self worth issues, Oral Sex, Rimming, Anal Sex, Crying During Sex, Additional Warnings in Author's Notes Summary:

When a spell forces Steve and Bucky to switch bodies, Bucky fails to resist temptation.

[evygr]

Smelling #sweet! #yankee #candle #jellybeans #easter #hashtagsmileyface

[smdarling]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers Additional Tags: Knifeplay, Kinktober 2017, Kinktober, Enthusiastic Consent, Bloodplay, Painplay, BDSM, Kink Negotiation, Aftercare, Bondage, Dom!Bucky Barnes, sub!Steve Rogers, Subspace, Sensation Play, risk aware consent, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, PWP, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Crying During Sex Summary:

Steve is turned on by Bucky's everything, even when he doesn't want to be.

Bucky loves this about Steve, and goes to great lengths to prove exactly how little he minds Steve's kink.

Might as well use his training for something, after all.

[smdarling]

Chapters: 1/3 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers Additional Tags: Kinktober, Kinktober 2017, Body Swap, Mildly Dubious Consent, Foreskin Play, Masturbation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, anxiety attack, Guilt, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, body image issues, chronic pain mention Summary:

When a spell forces Steve and Bucky to switch bodies, Bucky fails to resist temptation.

[smdarling]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers Additional Tags: Kinktober, kinktober 2017, sex in public, Biting, Rough Sex, Anal Sex, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Canon-Typical Violence, Additional Warnings In Author's Note Summary:

Another battle, another self-sacrificing move by Steve.

Bucky's had enough of watching Steve throw himself at death, and once the fight is over, he takes Steve aside to tell him so.

They come to an agreement, but forego shaking on it to fuck instead.

[smdarling]

~is writing Day 7 of Kinktober/Chapter 3 of Fuck Magic~

Writing is dumb. It’s been so long since I’ve really written anything, like March 2016 was the last time I wrote any type of story jfc and I Forgot How Dumb This Is

~cannot remember a word~

~talking out loud~ latch, no, lasp, no that’s not a word what the fuck grasp no latch lasp grab grasp What The FUck iS tHe WOrD???? latch lasp grasp grab thread? Thread? No not thread maybe thread? that works? But like latch lasp why am I saying that??? Fine thread goddammit

~2 paragraphs later~ LACE GODDAMMIT LACE FUCKING LACE “LACE THEIR FINGERS TOGETHER”

~breaks to make Tumblr post and take a break cuz that was Frustrating~

Fuck is lace even a real word not just the fabric but???????? daklsdfjaslkdfjsdjfkFUCK

~googling if that’s a real thing now~kjasdfkasdfklsklfjdasdflkjsdf

(TLDR this is what I look like when I’m having fun hashtagsmileyface)

[smdarling]

URL CHANGE

My-name-is-Darling

TO

smdarling

BECAUSE

I wanted to, and Reasons, and also I’m thinking I want to start interacting more with Tumblr and the internet in general (ie more personal posts, possibly some writing of various types, idk stop just reblogging everything always now that I have computer access again)

hashtagsmileyface y’all

[smdarling]

okay I am going to make myself be productive and get dressed and make a short walmart run

and come home and Wake Up and start cleaning/organizing/unpacking/etc my room cuz New Years and also try to write Something Anything

And do my annual New Year’s Eve ritual at midnight and more Tumblr probably and just really set myself up for an energetic refreshment for the New Year cuz I Need It 

[smdarling]

What is the point of being 24 if I can’t buy myself a cake and not share it with anyone on my birthday?

Although I feel like I should’ve waited til midnight to start cuz I was full real quick and now I just have a cake sitting next to me half eaten

[smdarling]

7300 words, 21 collective orgasms, definitely 2/3 done, maybe even 3/4, if this one day is longer than all of Fuck Magic I will punch something, I’m gonna take a shower and wake up a little

[smdarling]

I saw Infinity War last night

I.... have talked about it some

but I don't think I'm actually ready to talk about it yet

(I may need more sleep tbh)

I have Thoughts that I'm Too Tired to write yet

But (vague blogging spoilers below, tagged for spoilers out the ass)

I think my main conclusion is just No. No Marvel. no.

(and this is 10000% a ME thing, we're all in this together but we all got here on different roads, if you walked away with a 1000% opposite reaction I am genuinely happy for you, whatever your emotional reaction was it is Valid, don't be a dick to people about theirs etc etc)

But the thing I personally love most about these movies?

that was the exact opposite of it

Am I gonna be first in line at the next ones? yes. I'm in too deep to walk away now.

But I'm so tired Marvel. I'm tired in a way that has NOTHING to do with you, and that's why I love you. I'm tired of things outside of you, and I've escaped into you. you've been my safe place.

But everything Infinity War just was? Was everything I've watched these movies to escape from, and I don't care how much is undone next year, that doesn't matter because I'm feeling it now, I'm feeling all the things I can't escape from IRL because of the thing I've used to escape from IRL up til now.

And if that works for other people, GREAT. Genuinely honestly sincerely GREAT. If other parts of the movie (and the knowledge of Next Year and etc etc make up for it) GREAT

But I have so much of it in my IRL that seeing it at that level, where it is by far the biggest aspect AND the ending emotional note, absolutely does NOT work for me.

Which hey. That's okay. This isn't about me (MCU in general- this post is obviously lol). I survived not liking AOU. And there will be people who love this movie.

Also there's always fandom, supporting each other. I am completely supportive of people walking away loving it, as well as more like I am. Although I may find it hard to converse with the former for.... A Minute, at least about positives. I did see some positives, just. Not nearly enough to tip my personal set of scales.

(sidenote: curate your own fandom experience, stay away from those who aren't supportive of you especially if they have a totally different reaction to a movie. Don't vilify anyone for not having the emotional reaction to a movie that you had!!!! This is where "it's just a movie" means something- don't be an asshole to people about their reactions. "it's just a movie" can invalidate people's emotional reactions, so don't use it that way-- ie "why so sad it's just a movie"-- but if that's something you're tempted to say, tell yourself "it's just a movie don't be a dick to people about it" hashtagsmileyface)

Fandom is, thankfully,

my real favorite part of the MCU <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

[smdarling]

Writers meme - 1, 5, 25!

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

Honestly, flat out PWP lol, kinkier the better. I started out writing fic for Kinktober, where anything that wasn’t porn was an excuse to get to the porn. Then suddenly plots started happening, and I’m still not sure what I’m doing with that?? It’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong, but my comfort zone is still solidly in the realm of PWP. 

5. Share one of your strengths. 

Is it cheating if I say PWP again? No, okay, I’m gonna say my ability to write, when I actually sit down and write, like binge writing. I can write a large volume, when I get started and Life doesn’t Happen at me. I don’t do well writing in small bits and pieces, but if you give me two or three uninterrupted hours I can give you a very large amount of words in return as long as I actually start. I haven’t always been good at the starting, and it definitely works better on PWPs and other stories that can be finished in one sitting, but I’m getting better. Both at starting and the stories that need multiple starts.  

25. What do you look for in a beta?

True story, I have been a lurker in fandom for literally 50% of my life up until October, and only more recently started actually interacting with people one-on-one. I’m new to having a beta, a little less new to being one, but still. All human Interaction is new to me. 

General SPAG, because I think that’s just a good rule of thumb. My brain is gonna autocorrect my own writing when I read it, cuz it knows what I meant. General consistency, characterization, plot, POV, basic beta-y stuff like that. 

But more than that, if anything, am I wildly off base with where I’m taking a story? Is it even making sense anymore without the full context of being in my brain? I’m writing very much for myself first and foremost, but I also want other people to enjoy it– Is there any audience except me?? 

I was attempting to fall asleep the other night, and instead went on a nice inner monologue about the things I research for my fics and the things I don’t, preferring to hand-wave because Author, it works because Story Reasons Dammit, and why I’m like that. The inner monologue kept me awake for another hour and was very insightful and poignant etc etc and I can’t remember it precisely now. But it was probably really relevant to this!! Somehow!!!!

TLDR, am I leaving room for readers? Idk how to Human, it says so in my blog description, pretending to be human badly, so yeah uhhhh that? If that’s a thing betas can do? Am I doing this right? How would I know????? Hashtagsmileyface

[smdarling]

for the writers ask - 2, 9, 12, 14

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

If I say song!fic will I get lynched? No, no, JOKING– Okay, mostly joking. Sort of. There’s a song that really hit the right Stucky chords for me (ha chords get it?), and I have this whole in-depth idea for a fic extrapolating off of that song in my head, long and emotional and plotty. I haven’t even made an outline yet, it’d be way way out of my comfort zone for fic, very emotionally personal for me etc. But I want to write it. I want to write it for the CapBB actually, but I’m worried about getting it done it time (I have an AU outlined that I could also write for that, but I don’t wanna wait so long to post that lmao which considering I’m worried I wouldn’t get the songfic done in time then I’m worried I’d get the AU done too soon and wouldn’t be patient enough what is time even fuck that noise)

I also have another long, emotional, plotty fic idea in my head that’s also emotionally personal for me L.O.L. So probably in conclusion, the trope of super emotionally projecting myself onto the characters hashtagsmileyface.

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

More Than I Can Take I cannot get thru the next chapter oooOOHHH my godsssss I don’t know WHY but yeah. I have two more chapters planned out once I GET THROUGH THE NEXT BLOODY CHAPTER but right now klajdsfkajdsflkadf however Lesson Learned, having an unfinished WIP posted just idling on AO3 is not doing my brain any favors, so I’m not going to start posting a multi-chapter fic unless I have it completed, all chapters lined up and ready to go. I might not maintain a coherent posting schedule, and honestly SUPER KUDOS to all authors who can post a WIP while writing it, but yup this fic has taught me that my anxiety is Not A Fan. I’ll do it with this one, ONCE I GET THE NEXT CHAPTER AAARGH, but yeah. Every other multi-chapter fic? Will be Finished before chapter one ever even hits AO3 drafts folder. 

12. Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?

I’m gonna guess this is about the canon material, so I’d have to say…. Well, honestly, I really wanna say CATWS because it’s such a great movie holy shit but I didn’t even see Stucky until CACW. I prefer writing from CATWS canon on, ignoring CACW, because in hindsight I have a lot of Issues with CACW, but CACW is what got me into Stucky. I’ve been into MCU since Avengers, but Frostiron (my soul for Tony Stark, sorry not sorry) was my main ship and I drifted away from reading it by the time CACW came around. Avengers…. Didn’t have a great Steve characterization lbr, and CATFA doesn’t compare to Iron Man, it just doesn’t, and I kind of missed the CATWS hype when it came out because I was still knee deep in Frostiron. But I saw the light of Stucky in Civil War, and I have not looked back. So yeah. Civil War. 

14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Run with me on this: SPaG. 

Nope, not joking. Spelling, punctuation, and grammar. The Rules™. All that basic shit they teach you about Right and Wrong in writing in elementary school. 

Now, not wholesale. I think it is incredibly valuable to know this stuff, and know it well. Not necessarily the technical terms (I uh… I know like, “subject, predicate, verb, pronoun, tenses, Oxford comma, punctuation marks,” other buzzwords, but I’d have to google “past participle”). Just know how writing works, how language works, whether the technical terms or instinctively. It is good to know. If a writer has no idea, think ff.net 12yo authors circa way back when, well…. You can tell as a reader, and uh… Good stories, that does Not Make, except perchance to mock. Which, also, fuck you for mocking because it takes time and effort to learn this shit.  

And honestly, I do want to learn/have the loose intention of learning the technical terms of Grammar better at some point in the future, because I think this is a big part of where my “learning new language hahaHAHA NO WOW FAIL” thing comes from. Because Wow does my brain not do other languages well At All. 

But for one thing, languages evolve. We see that here on Tumblr, on the internet, every goddamn day. For another, The Rules™ that got pounded into my head in elementary school completely discounted dialects and a couple years ago I realized “Oh Racism Yay fml” regarding that. 

That’s kind of a tangent off of actual creative writing, though, so back to The Point. 

Know The Rules™, yes good. But know them so you can break them. Don’t be afraid to break, bend, twist, manipulate. A dropped word, a misspelling, the wrong punctuation mark, grammar that would’ve gotten your gradeschool paper red-inked to high hell and back, if done on purpose, very purposefully, can add so fucking much to your writing. Or at least, I think it adds a lot to my writing. 

I haven’t done this a lot in my fic, tbh, but I have an original short story I’m thinking of in particular where yeah, I threw SPaG out the window in certain places very intentionally. The people that’ve read it, including someone who’s friends with very successful published authors and is a professional actress, have been very fond of it. 

There’s this one part, I’m not even kidding, I have this word exactly like this and it is never changing because it adds so much to the context of the story, and I’m 99% sure it’s not really allowed within the confines of The Rules™ lmao:

ha(d)ve

But it works for the story. And it works Well. 

TLDR: You can always stay within The Rules™, of course. But don’t be afraid to fuck The Rules™ the same way your favorite characters get fucked in fic. Trust me, it’s much more fun that way. 

[smdarling]

~finished one of two Fandom Trumps Hate fics YAY~

Editing/posting will happen AFTER SLEEP because self care is infinitely more important than instant gratification, me @ me don’t even try to play that game. ~glares myself into submission~ 

(Given I have other responsibilities After Sleep, it might well be about 24hrs from now that the story actually goes live. But Sleep and Time and Other Things is very good for the editing process, so none of this is a bad thing. Me @ me.)

TLDR Be lookin’ out for some good ol’ PWP roundabouts these parts in T-approximately 24hrs, also WOW THE RESEARCH (bahahahahahaaha) I had to do for this fic was Ridiculous hashtagsmileyface

[smdarling]

HAHAHA brain DID the write-y thing!

Finished first draft of one of my MCU Kink Bang stories!

(I’m behind on them a little cuz I’m behind on Everything cuz Real Life, and the past few days were Family Drama Ridiculousness but anyway THAT’S OVER for the moment and I set new boundaries so that specific thing doesn’t happen again, at least in theory - hit or miss if those boundaries will be respected but y’know they definitely wouldn’t be if I didn’t set them)

Now I need to go to bed hashtagsmileyface

[smdarling]

So I was totally planning to write tonight I SWEAR 

But I have been yawning all day and also had a lot to do (uh. Grocery shopping. Which wouldnt be a lot but with my grandma - dont get me wrong I love her, and I wouldnt be here as her caretaker if I didnt WANT to be for all it wasnt in my LifePlan - it took 2 and a half hours of WAL-MART, it was dark when we got home, she'd had an appointment before, we have another appointment super early because of the two things I told my aunt “must get done while im getting my stuff from texas” only the easiest thing got done becaus Of Course, ~sigh~ im super glad to have my stuff and that I got A Break for a few days but like. You were here for 6 days. You had two things that Needed To Happen. I got in late Saturday, late because I ran out of coolant 100miles north of Albuquerque and had to deal with that, and before the appointment I had to make today for tomorrow I had 4 appointments between Mon, Tues, and Wed already, like my to do list is already nonstop for the next two weeks at least, you couldn't have done BOTH OF TWO THINGS to not add to that. I would actually pay money to be surprised at that tbh, like okay ms “I deserve my parents’ money and if my mother doesn't move into a nursing home in my neighborhood instead of staying in her house where she wants to be 90min away from me I’m not going to visit her anymore”, way to stay true to form hashtagsmileyface 

Hahahaha wow ANYWAY I WILL BE WRITING THIS WEEK THO I actually have MY LAPTOP NOW which is just Super Nice For Writing, comfort of familiarity or whatever, just not tonight cuz BED

Also I think I'm gonna write something totally different from what I planned cuz a commenter commented A Thing that made me go I Cannot Even Believe I Did Not Think Of That, and I wasnt 100% sure I exactly wanted to go the way I was originally planning, like I wanted to get there but the way to get there wasnt 100% what I wanted 

Also when I finish Kinktober - which obvs will be Kinkvember as well, I ALSO have my MCU Kink Bingo card to start working on IMMEDIATELY after AND I’ve signed up to write a fic for claims and claim an art piece to write a fic for re:MCU Kink Bang because when my pretty much all the time job is caring for another person I need to do as much for ME MYSELF AND I as I can in the middle of that (it’s not fair to either of us if I don’t maintain My Life)