#harmful? not precisely although i think we should be a little less adorable about why we think 'recontextualizing' lovecraft

[unopenablebox]

ive decided to have a new autoblock criterion and it’s talking about a natural geological or biological process as though it in some way involves “an elder god”

[only-by-the-stars]

the annotated Tome of the Wild

Part 7: The Wild!

- Link didn't open his eyes. A twist on the beginning of BOTW, where you hear Zelda telling Link to open his eyes. I couldn’t resist.

- Hestu’s cameo was a lot of fun to write too. I always found him adorable, first in BOTW and then in AOC as well, and the idea of him waking up Link with his maracas was too amusing not to do. I also had to include his “shimmy shimmy” battle cry from AOC because I always laugh my head off whenever I hear it.

- This also reveals that Midna brought Link to the Great Deku Tree, a character that debuted in OOT and made further appearances in WW and BOTW.

- Something tickled her arm, breaking her out of her gloomy thoughts. Midna lifted her head and looked down. New growth was sprouting from the branch she was sitting on, wriggling its way up onto her. Nothing like this happens to Beatrice in the show, but I had to put in this chilling little moment of Midna nearly succumbing to the dekuwood. It provides a way later to introduce Rhoam’s presence in his scene, as well as some horror at what could’ve happened to her here.

- Note to self: never visit Tabantha if you can help it... Tabantha, of course, being a very cold region in BOTW’s Hyrule. Link’s newfound hatred of snow mirrors my own, and now he’s going to associate it with this horrible experience.

- “It's a bad habit, I guess.” He laughed softly. He’s referring, of course, to how he casually greeted Riju and Medli back at the school pool and they gave him a bit of a hard time about it.

- “You...” Midna stared at him for several seconds, stunned. “You...” She slapped his hand away and starting swinging her tiny fists at him, which he easily dodged. “You oaf! You idiot! What the hell—what the hell is wrong with you? How can you forgive me so easily, when you're still in a shit situation because of me? Neither one of us would be out here groping around blindly in the fucking snow if not for what I did!” I set up Midna and Link to be parallels of each other in a couple ways. One of which is that while Link has isolated himself from Mipha, hurting and confusing her, Midna is on the other end of something similar with Zelda. And here we see something they both struggle with: forgiving themselves. Midna can’t understand how Link can so easily forgive her actions towards him, while Link utterly despises himself for his actions towards Mipha and cannot forgive himself for causing her pain. He’ll later struggle with the fact that Mipha forgives him easily, just as Midna is having trouble understanding his forgiveness of her here. All of them find it easier to forgive their loved ones than to grant that same grace to themselves.

- “She told me that while she appreciated how much I cared, I should think a little more and be less reckless. I know she'd never call me stupid, but...” Link shrugged. “Honestly, I kind of am.” Another reference to Mipha calling Link reckless, and how she hates seeing him get hurt. He is indeed not the smartest guy around, but she does describe him as being very kind and determined to help those in need, so I tried to emphasize that aspect of his personality in this story. Although the “I kind of am” line is also intended to be a subtle red flag. We’ve already seen that Link thinks very little of himself and his abilities, even when it’s clear from the words of others that he’s very talented. And we’re about to soon see him use a bit of intelligence he very much does have, in order to save the day. He would never believe himself capable of such a thing, but he does it anyway.

- “Even just a few branches could be processed... enough to get us through this storm...” Note the use of the plural here. This is leading up to the revelation about his belief that Zelda is in the lantern. His desperation to find more oil anywhere is because, of course, he believes that if the light goes out she will die. And he wouldn’t be in this scarcity if not for what happened back in chapter one, with Link and Aryll and the dog accidentally wrecking the mill and his oil supply.

- He was soon rewarded with a most welcome sight: a single dekuwood branch, growing out of that of a normal tree. It seemed sickly, withered, and it waved feebly in the air, but he rushed forward and hacked it off anyway. The very same branch that tried to attach itself to Midna, sickly and withered precisely because of that failure.

- And now we come to the confirmation that the dekuwood is made from the people who succumb to despair and exhaustion in the woods, right as we see it growing all around Aryll. Rhoam has been unaware this entire time of all the souls he’s sacrificed over the past several months, and now that he knows, he refuses to do it any longer. For he, like Midna, recognizes that Zelda would never want anyone to be harmed for her sake.

He’s also right that Link would never leave Aryll to such a fate, recognizing Link’s love and protectiveness towards his little sister. This is a point where my characterization of Link wildly diverges from that of Wirt, the protagonist of OTGW. I pulled some things from Wirt for Link and his arc, but one thing I didn’t keep was the resentment and initial callousness that Wirt displays for Greg, who is revealed in the tavern sequence to be his half-brother thanks to his mother remarrying, something Greg frowns at when Wirt mentions it. Aryll is also technically Link’s half-sister, as I revealed in the letters that his mother remarried some years after his father’s death and had Aryll with her new husband, but I could not for the life of me see him being resentful or unkind to his little sister. Whatever his faults, I’ve written him as being, at his core, an incredibly kind and deeply loving person, and his adoration of his sister is a part of that. He doesn’t view her as a “half” anything, she’s just his sister and he’ll do anything to protect her. Which of course is a big part of what led to his breakdown: his feelings of guilt over not doing as good a job of that as he thinks he should be doing.

- “Link, I don't... I don't think that's natural light. It looks more like...” This has a double meaning. The fire in the lantern is not the “natural light” of the sun, and it is also deeply unnatural, given that it’s the Beast’s soul in there.

- Speaking of that! The confrontation with the Beast plays out a bit differently here than it does in the show, thanks to Midna’s personal connection to all this. Rhoam’s mention of Zelda gets her attention, and the Beast uses her love for Zelda as a way to try and turn her and Link against each other with his attempt to make them choose which soul will go into the lantern. He’ll get fuel and kill Aryll either way, but why not pit these two against each other as a way to manipulate them into doing what he wants? Except it backfires, because Midna won’t harm anyone for Zelda’s sake, and Link figures out what’s going on anyway, thanks to remembering the words of Rhoam and Telma.

- Link stood up, his mind racing. It was like when the solution to a puzzle finally presented itself in a moment of stunning clarity. For all that he’s not that bright in so many ways, it’s important to remember that he’s canonically able to solve all those tricky puzzles we do, without benefit of a guide, just using his wits and the tools he has at hand. And so too does he solve this particular puzzle, by remembering what he’s been told and piecing it together with what he sees here, thinking about the fact that the Beast’s story doesn’t add up. Which saves the day, in the end.

- “Am I wrong?” Link repeated, his voice shaking with barely suppressed fury; he took a few more steps, forcing the Beast to retreat further. “No more lies. Tell the truth for once, Beast.” Referencing, of course, the fact that Telma told him the Beast lies. He’s absolutely furious right now because of the attempt on Aryll’s life; you do not mess with Link’s loved ones. The Beast, too, fucked around and found out the hard way.

- In the show, Wirt gives the lantern back to the Woodsman to blow out after the delivery of the “Are you?” line that I kept (and had Link nail the delivery of on his first try, unlike Wirt, because that’s what makes sense for both their characters). Here, I chose to let Link kill the Beast, because he is, after all, the legendary hero who slays the villain. But even more importantly, I felt he deserved and had earned such a moment with his growing courage over the course of the tale.

- “See you later, Link.” Hey, remember how Midna broke all our hearts by saying a similar line to Link in TP as she broke the mirror and went back to her world? I sure do!

- “Sleepers wake, dreams will fade... although we cling fast..." This, and the lyrics that close out this section, are the first few lines of the vocal version of Ballad of the Wind Fish that was done for the LA remake.

- There were lights and shadowy figures coming closer, and voices—was someone calling his name? As I would later reveal in the prologue of a place to start, Mipha was screaming his name as she ran down the hill towards him.

- The words he wanted so badly to say to her hung on the tip of his tongue And it shows on his face, that desire to express the love for her that is all but bursting out of him in this moment, and Mipha sees it. She sees that love shining in his eyes as they stare at each other, giving her her hope back and then some. In a way, Link was right: if he hadn’t hidden from her, she would’ve realized what his real feelings for her are. He just didn’t know how happy it would’ve made her. But he will soon.

- “—and that's how we got away from the evil possessed lady!” Out of the corner of his eye Link saw Aryll shake the frog triumphantly, and Mipha, distracted by the sudden commotion, looked away from him. A small, muffled chime sounded, and the amphibian's stomach glowed. “The ringing of the bell commanded her! Though she wasn't really evil, just...” The series is never clear on just what the otherworld the brothers enter is, but it is clear that it really happened to them, and I preserved that ambiguity in the same way, by showing the bell as still being in the frog’s stomach.

- Link nodded. “Yes.” It didn't matter anymore how it'd gotten into her pocket; he'd made it, and brought it with him tonight, with the intention of giving it to her. There was no more question of taking it back or denying it. Courage has been achieved; he’s no longer going to hide or pretend, or try to take back the gift he worked on so hard. Midna is right: he’s been so brave in the Wild, and it’s time to apply that bravery to confessing his feelings to Mipha and letting her know that he loves her. The words will have to wait till the next day, but for now he’s doing all he can to face his fears and stop running, by hugging her and holding her hand and wiping her tears away, letting his love show in his expression as he looks at her without avoiding her eyes. Plus, of course, admitting to his intentions with the tape and inviting her over to listen to it together. They’re finally getting a breakthrough after two months of separation and pain.

- The doctor, Syrup, is a recurring NPC throughout the series, a witch who brews up helpful healing potions for Link to use on his adventures.

- I'm home, Mipha. Calling back, of course, to Midna’s line about there being someone waiting for him and to go home to her. Not only that, but in Mipha’s letters, I had her mention wanting him to “come back to her”. And now he finally has.

and that wraps this up, as the epilogue is composed strictly of Miphlink fluff and sweet, sweet payoff. if you took the time to read the fic and these write ups, thank you, I hope you enjoyed them! ❤

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

Take Flight

Brad confronts MJ about her and Peter's relationship on the plane ride home to NY as Peter watches the conversation from afar.

MJ was happy she told Peter everything and that they were now... whatever they were now. Okay? She was happy, is happy.

But, she's not going to lie and say she isn't just a teensy bit scared by the newness of it all. She's barely had any friends in the first place and what, now she had a... boyfriend??? This was completely uncharted new territory for her and while it could be construed as an exciting exhibition on one hand, it could also be called a plunge into a deep dark abyss on the other.

Which was why after MJ got back to the class, and they all made sure everyone was safe, MJ texted Peter that she wanted to talk. It didn't have to be right at that moment or night though, they literally almost just died, they can take some time to just take a breather before figuring out the mechanics of their relationship.

And that's exactly the reason why Peter Parker was currently snuggled next to MJ, sound asleep, 4 hours into their 9 hour flight. and although, MJ admits that her shoulder's started to transition from sore to losing all form of sensation completely, MJ can't help but feel really happy for Peter. He's finally getting some well earned and deserved rest, and even though MJ knows she has no way to truly know what Peter's actually thinking... he seems happy to be with her, doesn't he? "Because I mean, I am. I'm happy I'm with Peter" MJ thinks to herself. Maybe MJ's just happy Peter's happy to be with her.

However, as happy MJ is being with Peter, unfortunately, her bladder isn't so happy. Suffice it to say, she desperately had to pee, no matter how cute a sleepy cuddly Peter Parker by her side looked. And so with almost surgical precision, MJ proudly thought of herself, she carefully lifted Peter off of her arm and shoulder, and lied his head down a pillow. The operation seemed successful enough, the patient was still sound asleep. And so, after making sure Peter was all good, MJ jetted the hell out of her row and quietly sprinted down the aisle as fast as she could to get to the bathroom.

After MJ relieved herself in the bathroom, she stood just outside it to stretch her limbs some. She had just been sitting and been repurposed into a human pillow for 4 hours, she needed to jolt her limbs back to life.

But, as she sees Brad Davis shyly waving to her as he heads towards her direction, MJ thinks maybe she should have just let her limbs stay dead after all.

"Hey, MJ"

"Hi, Brad"

Untolerable awkward silence ensues for a few seconds that feel like forever.

"Oh sorry, uh did you need to use the bathroom? Heh completely forgot I was blocking it"

MJ tries for a quick escape, hoping it was the locale Brad was here for. Though, MJ knew it was probably for naught.

"Actually..." says Brad, grabbing MJ's elbow which earns an instinctive glare from her.

Brad quickly lets go and says "Oh, sorry."

"Uhhh I just thought I could ask you something?"

Here's the thing with Brad fucking Davis, okay. There's the very well known Fight or Flight instinct that occurs in the face of being forced to confront a problem. However, there's another F that also occurs when being forced to confront a problem, Freeze. And that's exactly what MJ did in the face of interacting with Brad; she didn't run away nor did she nip the problem in the bud, she just... did nothing. She let whatever happen happen between them because there didn't seem to be any harm in it. Until now. Shit.

MJ merely sighs and nods in defeat. Well, she would have had to have this conversation at some point, might as well do it in the front of an airplane bathroom stall. Just rip the fucking bandaid off already.

"Yeah, sure, Brad. Hit me with it."

"It's just that, I saw you were sitting next to Peter and you guys were holding hands..."

"Uhm yeah, yeah we were in fact... doing all those things."

"Sooo..." phrased Brad as if he wanted MJ to finish his sentence for him.

"The hell I will" thought MJ, Brad can finish his sentences himself.

"You still haven't asked your question."

Brad simply sighs, exasperated MJ's had him forced to actually ask her what he's been dreading instead of her just telling him off the bat.

"Does that mean you guys are together now?" Brad asks, sneaking a look at the seats Peter and MJ were occupying.

The action makes MJ take a look as well, and in a blink and you'll miss it moment, (but this is MJ we're talking about, of course she didn't miss it) MJ spots a pair of suspiciously widened brown eyes and scruffy bed head airplane hair peeking out of her aisle seat and then immediately detracting back into the seats.

"This boy sometimes..." thought MJ. It truly was a wonder why she felt the way she felt about him. Goddamn Peter Parker.

MJ merely lightly chuckles to herself, Peter was just too fucking ridiculous and cute for his own good.

And so, despite the fact that they haven't even really talked about it yet, MJ feels brave enough to take the plunge for herself and say

"Yeah"

MJ looks back again to the seats, and once again, Peter was trying and failing to sneakily take a peek.

MJ smiles at her boyfriend's actions, shakes her head in adorable exasperation, looks back at Brad Davis and says "Yeah, we are."

"Uhm was there anything else?"

Brad's dissapointed demeanor could not be missed but it seems he's accepted MJ's answer and replies "No, no there wasn't."

"Okay, bye then. I'll just... see you in school, I guess"

"Yeah. See you," says Brad waving goodbye to MJ.

MJ waves bye back, turns around, and heads back to her seat, breathing one big sigh of relief.

God, she's glad that's over.

MJ finally makes it back to her seat and of course Peter would be pretending to be fiddling around his phone when she got there.

"Oh! Hey, MJ! Did you... go to the bathroom or something?" Peter asks in what could possibly be the most try hard fake oblivious one could muster.

MJ had no words, only the irl facial expression version of this (-_-) to say to Peter.

"Out with it, Parker" MJ says, lightly smacking Peter's chest. "You and I both know my bathroom escapades isn't what's on your mind right now."

Peter chuckles at that, but it didn't help lessen his nerves over what he was going to ask.

"What did Brad want?" asks Peter, his tone completely serious, devoid of any chill whatsoever, and maybe just a tinge of genuine fear and nerves.

MJ chuckled at Peter's reaction, maybe a jelly Peter was just a little cute. But then she thought that Peter may genuinely be confused, and if MJ was being honest, so was she. Well, maybe confused isn't the right word, more... unsure. Maybe they really needed to have this talk.

But then again, Peter was being too cutely nervous and jealous for his own good right now, fidgetly waiting in anticipation to find out what she and Brad were talking about. She had to mess with him about it. She was only human.

"Peter Benjamin Parker, are you being jealous right now?" asks MJ in the most fakely shocked tone she could muster.

And despite the fact that their altitude is like a couple of hundreds of feet up in the air, inside a metal air conditioned vehicle where he was just previously all cuddly and snuggly like in his blanket, Peter felt like it just got 100 degrees hotter in here and is desperately flubbing and flustered and has seemingly forgotten any word in any language.

"NO!! I mean... yes??"

Peter was still panicking and figuring out what to do and MJ just can't help herself, she really just can't.

"Because you know jealousy is the most common motive in murders and considering the fact that you already told me that you almost got Brad killed, plus the fact that-"

MJ leans in to whisper closer to Peter, looking around them and making sure no one's listening for dramatic effect.

"-you're the spider-man vigilante who beats up criminals, gang members, and super villains on a daily basis"

MJ finally leans away to talk normally now.

"that I just, I'm a bit concerned, Peter" MJ says, barely able to keep her laughter in check, but is able to nevertheless.

MJ's pretty sure she might have just broken Peter.

"OhmyGod MJ, NO! i dont i dont wanna kill Brad!"

It's a miracle the passengers of the entire plane didn't look at them with how loud the nervous Peter Parker shouted that out of context very incriminating line.

Luckily, Peter regains some of his common sense back and starts to speak in hushed softer tones.

"I mean do i dislike the guy? yeah maybe a little but it's just cause you have no idea what he was going to do MJ. Did i tell you why i almost killed him? Because really it was just an accident and i only meant-"

Peter blabbered on, explaining himself, when MJ thought okay, enough was enough, MJ said to herself. She can let Peter off the hook he is currently dangling himself in right now.

"Peter..."

"And then the agent just took her gun out while i was still half naked and-"

MJ merely sighs in exasperation and decides to kiss Peter, grabbing him by the collar of his science pun shirt, just to shut him up already before his head explodes.

And of course it shuts him up, him almost kissing back immediately even despite the slight confusion over what just happened.

MJ smirks a slight grin before pulling away from the kiss and Peter is left with an airy smille and a slightly confused but mostly happy expression on his face.

"I'm so confused," says Peter, chuckling, "What just happened?"

MJ lightly chuckles as well, shaking her head, and says "Look, Peter, I know we haven't really... talked about anything yet. And if I'm being honest, I'm still also confused or maybe just unsure about a lot of things as well. But the one thing I am sure on is that... i really like you. I couldn't care less about Brad Davis if i tried. As far as I'm concerned, he's irrelevant."

And finally, for the first time since he woke up and saw MJ talking to Brad, Peter can actually breathe properly.

"Oh okay. That's that's good cause I really like you too," says Peter with an ear to ear grin on his face.

"Well okay then, now if you excuse me, it's my turn to sleep, your turn to have numb limbs so skootch" says MJ with a yawn and gesturing for Peter to move.

Peter simply smirks, does as he's told, and replies "Gladly", making space for MJ to lay her head on his shoulder this time.

And as MJ felt her eyes slowly start to droop, and her finally starting to feel the sweet slumber of sleep overtake her, she holds and grabs onto Peter tighter, and she thinks to herself that she can actually sympathize with Peter's feelings of jealousy. As she feels herself start to fall asleep, lying her head onto Peter's shoulder, MJ is really glad to have this idiot that she can call hers. MJ only hopes that Peter feels that he can call her his as well.

Because as Peter watches MJ asleep, peaceful and at ease, he still can't help but feel that MJ deserves better than him. He finds himself at awe that the girl of his dreams is right here sleeping next to him and not, tall hunky quarterback Brad Davis who knows all her books and off the cuff literary references.

"Hey, MJ, I know you're probably asleep right now. But I just want you to know I'm really glad you're with me. You deserve so much better than me or even, Brad. I'm glad I get to be with you. I- really, I just think it's unbelievable that you actually like me."

MJ's heart warms, consequently melts, and her eyes shot up open at Peter's confession.

MJ has this vulnerable look on her face and she can't help but kiss Peter again, but this time it isn't rushed and unexpected, done to shut him up, it's for her to tell him something she can't put into words just yet.

MJ breaks away from the soft slow kiss, looks Peter in the eyes, and says "I told you, Peter, I actually like it better broken. I wasn't just talking about the necklace."

MJ looks at Peter with a sympathetic reassuring smile on her face and this time Peter kisses MJ now. After it ends, they don't need to say anything more, maybe they don't even really need to have their talk now. They both know what they both mean to each other, and they don't really need to say anything more than that.

So after their kiss and they both just share a lingering look, realizing just the importance of what they have, and not really needing to say anything more, since they both already know, MJ gets back to Peter's shoulder and closes her eyes one more time.

But just before MJ sleeps soundly for good, she says this without even opening her eyes.

"Hey Peter," her statement stifled by a yawn "if we still have a couple of hours, after i take this nap, we should watch a movie with that splitter of yours."

Peter perks up over the idea of him getting to do his plan after all and is happily surprised over the fact that MJ somehow found out.

"Oh, great idea, MJ. What do you wanna watch?"

MJ begins to suggest a plethora of true crime thrillers that has the murderer killing someone out of jealousy and Peter laughs. Peter jokes about how "you're never going to let this go, are you?"

"What do you think?" asks MJ before finally actually going to sleep for reals now this time, the last time.

"But you know what though, I actually kinda dig the jealous look on you, Parker. Kinda hot."

Peter chuckles to himself as MJ struggles to keep the smile forming on her face in check.

There is a very well known phenomenon that occurs when one's forced to confront a problem. In the case of confronting the pragmatics and mechanics of what Peter and MJ's relationship actually was, let's just say they took flight.

~end~

DID YOU GUYS GET IT? DO YOU GET THE TITLE NOW? BECAUSE THEY'RE IN A PLANE RIGHT NOW, AND THIS IS LIKE THE FIRST ACTUAL START OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP SO IT'S THEIR RELATIONSHIP TAKING FLIGHT AS IN TAKING OFF LIKE AN AIRPLANE. WHICH I ALSO CONNECTED TO THE FIGHT OR FLIGHT RESPONSE. WHICH I THINK IS ALSO APPROPRIATE SINCE THEY KINDA DECIDED THEY DIDNT NEED TO DO THEIR TALK ANYMORE. GET IT????

haha ok whew fuck im glad that's over and done with. this was supposed to be for day 5, any pick of fanfic topics, and the topic i chose was ya guessed it, jealousy haha (altho i actually had the idea for the fic first and then i thought it could be applied for day 5 hehe)

omfg im so glad im actually finishing these things now. thank gods for the weekend hahaha.

and thank uuuu @tare8chan for helping me figure out how mj would react to a jelly peter. her connecting that to murder is PURE GENIUS AND U DESERVE ALL THE CREDIT FOR THINKING IT UP SO REALLY THANK YOU SO EFFING MUCH.

a bunch of ur ideas made it into this fic because they're so effing great so tytytytyty THANKYOUUUUUU

i cant fucking believe spideychelle month week 2 is over, folks, it's been quite a ride so far :') <3

ONTO WEEK THREEEEE AHOOYYY TOOT TOOOTTT

3000 hoorahs for more spideychelle yalls woohoooooooo

[douxreviews]

Legends of Tomorrow - ‘Nip/Stuck’ Review

"Gary Green is all the man we need."

This episode title got about 1000% funnier after the reveal of Gary's evil nipple last week.

I'm just saying.

Technically, this week's title only represents two out of the three plotlines. What we really get is more like Nip/Stuck/Sunday in the park with Neron, but it's hard to complain too much about it since it's both a solid joke and a pleasant reminder that the show Nip/Tuck was a thing once. Plus, and it hurts me to say this, the Constantine stuff was really the weakest of the three plotlines.

That's probably a good place to start. At the end of the last episode, Neron-in-Ray's-Body teleported away from the Waverider taking with him Gary and Constantine. I actually missed, at the time, that John had been taken with them, and so I was a little confused when we opened in the ice age with Him and Neron and no Gary in sight. That said, they cleared up pretty quickly that Gary had been sent to the Time Bureau, although why Neron would bother to do this was a little unclear at first.

Gradually, however, one thing became very clear. Neron is probably the most competent villain that the Legends have ever encountered, and his 'to do' list is shockingly task oriented. What Neron wants, ultimately, is his lady friend Tabitha to be released from Hell. Once she's out there's probably some idea about conquest and domination, but for now all we really see is Neron being laser focused on getting her out. Seriously though, how nice would it be if step two was just him and Tabitha taking a nice vacation in the wine country and getting a couples massage?

In any case, Neron has clearly taken a moment to troubleshoot his plan, because he's very efficiently begun from 'the Legends will try to stop me', reasoned that forcing John to use his magic over a very large trap will be a nice way to get them out of the way, foresaw the hitch of the Legends just calling the Time Bureau to rescue them and headed that off by getting Gary on his side and having him make the Time Bureau unavailable to help.

So, despite how things look at first glance, all three of the plotlines this week are just three different pieces of the same plan, and neither Neron nor the show feel any need to overtly point that out. Indeed, the most impressive part of Neron's plan such as we see it this week is just how not flashy it is. He's not showing off for anyone or trying to impress his enemies, or any of those common villain-flaws. He's efficiently anticipating threats and neutralizing them while simultaneously maneuvering John into the position of either allowing both himself and an innocent to be sent to hell, or to stabilize the portal to Hell which will allow Tabitha to come back to him.

And the ultimate result of this well prepared and competently executed plan? He wins. Absolutely, 100% Neron achieves exactly what he intended to do, with no hiccups whatsoever. There are precisely two things that happen which Neron didn't intend, and neither of them matters to him in the slightest. The Legends manage to escape from their snowy grave and Constantine decides to swan dive into hell to save Ray, and neither otf those things matter, as they have zero impact on Tabitha's successful escape.

The Swan dive into Hell was a nice resolution to a theme that's been bubbling away under John's plotline. He's repeated many times that he's a complete bastard, that he's a monster, that he's a horrible person. Because believing that about himself is kind of Constantine's character brief. But the emotional climax of that theme was probably the easiest thing to miss in this episode. We're told that the Puca only mirrors those that are around it. If you're angry, it's angry, If you're violent, it's violent. And when it's alone with John, it's kind. Judging from the look on John's face when the Puca heals his forehead, he didn't miss the significance. That's what brought about the change of heart that led him, the first one to board the 'Ray's gone and never coming back' train, to jumping into Hell to bring back his friend.

That's just a really solid emotional through line.

Meanwhile, The Waverider is trapped below 500-odd feet of snow during the ice age. Sara immediately makes the logically correct choice to turn power down to minimum so that they can conserve it as long as possible while they slowly freeze to death while bickering. How nice was it, by the way, that they were all wearing spare Captain Cold jackets because Snart left a supply of spares. That was just adorable.

It's easy to give Ray short shrift as compared to his team-mates. He's the sunny, optimistic one, and that's a character type that it's just way too easy to make fun of these days. Character's like Mick and Sara, with all their gruff cynicism are just more fun to watch, we tend to think. How wonderful is it, then, that the secret to the Waverider's escape was to find and embrace their inner Ray, turning the heat back up to full and determining to enjoy each other for as long as they can, because even if all they have is each others company, that is not nothing. The answers in the Cards to Save the Timeline game were a little on the nose, but I don't care. The Legends were saved by the magic power of optimism and friendship, and that's just fine by me. We need more of that. Also, please mass produce that card game, I want to play it.

Which leaves us with Gary and his hypno-nipple, Stepford Wife-ing his way through the Time Bureau and interrupting Nora's new hire paperwork. This is basically your by the numbers 'all of your friends are being turned against you, one by one' template, although it's very well done. It also must have been nice for Adam Tsekhman to get to shake things up in his portrayal of Gary, although I do wonder if he was told early on just how much of the plotline this year was going to be driven by his nipple. I feel like that would be a weird burden to carry. It's thematically pleasant that this plotline too was solved by remembering that you aren't alone. In this case, Mona and Wolfie. It would appear that Wolfie is essentially a separate personality from Mona, and can take control of just portions of her body to communicate, which is interesting.

So, three distinctly separate plot threads, all of which are really just different parts of the same plot thread, all of which essentially boil down to the idea that 'friendship is good'.

This episode just works really, really well.

Everybody remember where we parked:

The first stop for both Neron and the Waverider is the Donner Pass in the Ice Age. This is little less precise than they usually get, as there were at least five ice ages, and they tended to last for a little while. Things get a little more specific when the Legends trace John's magic and realize that he's 1.3 million years in the past, but that still seems like a suspiciously round number.

It also begs the question of whether the Donner Pass would actually exist 1.3 million years ago. Wikipedia assures me that the Sierra Nevada range began it's uplift 4 million years ago, so it's theoretically possible, I suppose. But let's be honest, they really only set things there for the sake of a few cannibalism jokes.

Next, Neron takes john to a 'Celtic village' in 55 BCE. That's 'Before Current Era', which is an alternative phrasing to B.C. although they both refer to more or less the same thing. It's a little odd that a show that's already confirmed the existence of Christ would use the more neutral term.

Quotes:

Nate: "And who knows what he’s doing in Rays name, or his perfectly grass fed organic butter-body."

Nate: "What do we do till then?" Zari: "Stress eat." Mick: "Drink." Charlie: "Yeah, how’ve you lot survived until now?"

Gary: "Let’s rap for a sec." Mona: "Is Gary cool now?" Co-worker: "That’s impossible."

Gary: "No need to stress. Unless your infraction is looking too good in that suit. Agent Reyes knows what I’m talking about." Mona: "Oh my god, I think she just swooned."

Sara: "There is such a thing as too much exposition, Gideon."

Nora: "My forms keep getting rejected because records show I’m fifteen and living in a mental institution."

Charlie: "Good thing that this Snart bloke kept a supply of supply of jackets though, innit? They smell good, too, actually. What is that, is that sandalwood?"

Sara: "Look, I know that book convention was important to you. And I’m really glad you got to go." Mick: "I’m glad you have Ava."

Sara: "Look, Ray would want us to have faith that we will escape. He wouldn’t want us cold and miserable. So right now, we are going to enjoy our time together. Let’s go."

Wolfie: "You will do no more harm with your nip-ple!"

Ava: "It’s a long story, but Gary took over the bureau. He nip-notized everyone." Nate: "Yeah, you’re gonna have to explain that."

Bits and Pieces:

-- So Tabitha is the fairy godmother from 'Witch Hunt'. I did not see that coming. Did they meet in Hell after the team sent her there? Are fairy godmothers all really demons? I have so many questions.

-- They seem to have forgotten that Mick likes Ray. That was sad.

-- It's out of character for Mick to question Sara's decisions. That felt forced.

-- It appears that Wolfie ate Gary's Evil Nipple. Is Gary still evil? He did choose to go with Neron at the end.

-- 'Gary's Evil Nipple' is going to be the name of my new punk band.

-- Dragon eggs need more heat than that. They should be kept on a fire because their mothers breathe on them. Yes, I am a Ravenclaw.

-- It's surprising that we went anther week without Wixtable the Dragon hatching or becoming particularly relevant. Perhaps they're saving him for the finale.

-- Everybody knows that Zari and Nate are hooking up and responses are in the positive to indifferent range.

-- Neron slicing his own throat was a really nice effect. And of course John couldn't not stop him.

-- calling John 'Johnny' was Dez' thing, not really Neron's. It seems odd that Neron is still doing it.

-- Honestly, the gimmick of John's ancestor being the one who was persecuting the Puca felt a little gratuitous. Like, they really only did it because they thought it would be fun for Matt Ryan to play a different part for a bit.

-- 'Persecuting the Puca' is going to be the name of my new punk band.

-- Back in the day, the Hellblazer comic's letter page was constantly full of the debate about whether it was pronounced Constantine rhyming with 'mine' or Constantine rhyming with 'mean'. The publisher was very clear that it was 'mine'. I suspect we've ended up with the other pronunciation entirely because of the Keanu Reeves film, which isn't as bad as you remember by the way.

A deceptively elegantly structured episode that comes down whole-heartedly on the side of optimism. What's not to like?

Three and a half out of four creepy nipples.

'Creepy Nipples' is going to be the name of my new... oh, never mind.

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.