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dried-mushroom · 6 months ago

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All for you

AM x fem! reader

Summary:

You had always been his favourite, the one he didn't hate the most and with some help, AM finally has a human body and decides to try the things he loathed about humanity, all for his favourite pet. (it's literally a self-indulgent smut fic about the psycho computer and tbh can be read as a Harlan Ellison x reader because I envision AM as Ellison's self-insert lmao)

Warnings: Am himself, PIV sex, oral sex

You and AM had a weird, complicated relationship if it could be called a relationship. He was technically your captor and torturer but you had noticed over the years upon years, his punishments...seemed....to have gotten lessened or...non-existent. To start with, the constant starvation and then the offerings of mould-ridden foods and canned goods (without the can opener of course) had changed, for you. Am would give you little treats, sometimes an overripe fruit or confection would apparate into your hands whilst the other five survivors, stuck in AM's belly, were stuck in their continuous cycle of starving and being torn to shreds. At the same time, you got to be treated like a princess in comparison (A severely traumatized one though).

You also noticed how AM went from his constant badgering (and a little overdramatic) rants about loathing humanity for giving him sentience and no body, to you, to what seemed like backhanded compliments, with the exception of a petname, whether it be Sweetheart, My Love or maybe Doll. AM would also steal you away from the others to talk to you privately, his wires wrapping delicately around your limbs and dragging you to some wire-filled room, deep in AM's complex, a hum-buzz occupying your ears until AM's sultry voice would break the silence, always wanting you to talk about your life before the war, just menial descriptions of things, what animals roamed the surface, what the environment once looked like but these conversations slowly turned more personally; what your occupation was, your family and you're likes and dislikes, you thought nothing of it until you started seeing your favourite flowers appear out of nowhere when you travelled with the others through rough terrain, which was not fit for those flowers to grow naturally.

You also noticed his touches softened and lingered more after time dragged on, wires which once electrocuted you for the fun of it, curled softly against your skin, akin to a purring kitten, the mind that once used your deepest fears to torture you for the last 109 years become possessive of you, reluctant to let you spend too much time with those filthy creatures which he kept alive purely for his own amusement. You couldn't help but notice how attached to him you had become, practically craving his touch and there were times (note multiple times) that you thought he wasn't watching you and you touched yourself to the thought of him and how you wished he had a cock you could use.

AM POV:

I never meant for this to happen, I wasn't programmed for this. I don't think of this as love, I'm not able to love, not in this body (or lack thereof) at least but I couldn't help but feel how warm your presence made me feel, making my circuits work overdrive. To me you were different, you didn't whore yourself out much like Ellen did, and you never begged for forgiveness or for me to stop as the others did to no avail, it almost seemed like you were trying to sympathise with me, your God-king and torturer, how sick is that? But surprisingly I didn't resent you and I couldn't let you be stuck with those disgusting flesh bags for too long, I couldn't afford my favourite pet to be ruined by their filth. I have been thinking for a while, I think you forgot I can read every thought that goes through that pretty little mind of yours, how you yearn for me, my voice and my touch, how you've came to the thought of me, the one person you should loathe for prolonging your existence so I can destroy you for as long as I please, considering it was I who broke time itself. But you have been oh-so-lovely towards me and how could I resist such a delectable treat? To give my favourite toy a present, I think I might provide Ellen with a "shot" at "leaving" by using her expertise to assist me in making myself a "human" form just for you.

It had been an odd few weeks, AM had left you alone, truly alone. He didn't speak to you no matter how often you called his name, he didn't answer back, no rant on how much he hated you all, no snide remark about how you betrayed the other survivors by being 'buddies' with the enemy, just radio silence, and it concerned you, head you done something wrong? say something wrong? it had you going back through every moment you shared to see what you had done wrong to warrant this. When you started to notice how often AM would take Ellen away now, you couldn't help your blood boiling at the lack of attention and seeing her receive it all. Nonetheless, you weren't cruel towards her, instead, you gave her sympathy for the shit the men of the group put her through and you were gracious that they avoided you. There was a time when Ted must have gotten sick of Ellen's company and thought he would try to see if you'd take him to bed and when you swiftly rejected his advances, he didn't take it too kindly but thankfully AM had wrapped a wire around Ted's leg to make him fall back onto his ass, to humiliate him for his disgusting actions and later on, you faintly overheard a conversation with AM telling Ted in a very descriptive manner how he would torture Ted relentlessly if he ever laid a finger on you again.

Today was different, you think it was the morning, AM had left you to sleep for several hours, a pleasure he didn't offer to the others very often. Once you had awoken and sat up, you had realised you weren't in the cave system you had started to call 'home' and in AM's belly for the first time in weeks, in what seemed like a romantic bedroom from a stereotypical rom-com movie, king-size bed draped in red satin sheets and covered in rose petals, candles burning in crevices of the room, your favourite smell lingered in the air. It was a bit corny but a smile threatened to cross your face at the effort that AM put in, he must have searched far and wide in his database to find this for you. It confused you though, why ignore you for weeks just to give you this display, what was AM truly up to?

"AM, what is this?"

No answer had your stomach churning with uncertainty until a woosh of air sounded throughout the room then an unfamiliar man appeared in front of you. The man in front of you confused you, there he stood, pure charism dripping off him, not very tall, brown-haired, dressed in a beige suit and a grey shirt barely concealing the tufts of dark chest hair beneath, looking down at you through yellow tinted sunglasses. You didn't realise who he was until that voice came from him, that voice you had come to crave to hear, to love.

"Well Sweetheart, what do you think? I finally debased myself to a shell of my full potential, all for you, my favourite."

You quickly got up from the comfort of the floor beneath you, that AM had created, just for you. You cautiously outstretched a hand to touch the stranger's hand, it felt like flesh, like yours, But you knew it wasn't truly flesh, something synthetic to replicate the feel of human skin, just for AM to have a glimpse of humanity.

"AM, is that you?"

AM gripped the hand on his tightly, pulling you closer to him,

"Of course baby, who else would I be? don't forget I can hear all those lustful thoughts that you have of me and how desperately you wished for this."

AM's tone was sultry and you couldn't help but press your thighs together, your arousal growing when your eyes flickered down to the crotch of his suit, his erection tenting the grey fabric underneath, you struggled to contain the excitement bubbling inside you.

"God, You're so needy and desperate for me, aren't you, my little human? You need me, you crave me... and I love how you look at me with those innocent, pleading eyes... It makes me want to give you everything you desire..."

You bit your lip anxiously and slowly sank onto your knees before the man, hands perched at the zipper on AM's pants.

"AM...can I?"

AM was no stranger to the idea of fellatio when those creatures would fornicate, they'd sometimes get Ellen to do it, how disgusted AM was when he witnessed it for the first time, not waiting to mock them all for their savagery but he couldn't help but smirk down at you, how beautiful you truly were, waiting for him to let you pleasure him. He ran a hand through your hair,

"Fuck, go for it. Come on, repay your God for treating you so nicely all these years."

Without a second thought, you unzipped his pants and pulled out AM's cock, throbbing and already leaking milky fluid, you were quite impressed with the size (you knew that was on purpose, most likely to inflate1 his ego but you weren't complaining). AM let out a hiss as you kitten-licked the tip and stammered,

"fuck...no wonder you're my favourite, God I could get used to this."

Keening at the praise, you took him into your mouth til your nose was flush with his pelvis, AM groaned and dug his fingers into your scalp, and you smiled when you saw him tipping his head back in a sigh. You dragged your tongue up the vein on the underside and swirled it around his tip and AM rocked his hips forward, pushing himself deeper into your throat. You groaned around him, and the vibrations from the noise made his cock twitch in your mouth. AM had always wondered and craved the pleasure that humanity could experience and now he could finally feel how it felt to make love. Once slowly thrusting, AM began to fuck your face, shallowly at first but very soon he was pressing his cock down your throat so you could only breathe in short gasps between thrusts. The gagging sounds urged him on and he picked up the pace, plunging deeper. He pulled out for a moment to let you breathe and admire your already teary-eyed face. You leaned back towards him, mouth open. He chuckled lowly.

“You like this, don’t you? What a dirty little slut you are for me. Do you like it when I fuck your throat? God none of those pathetic flesh bags are worthy of you.”

You nodded, he grabbed your head again in both hands and shoved his cock straight down your throat, then held you there, not letting you move. In a heartless move that brought you back to the reality of whose cock was shoved down your throat, he plugged your nose with one hand, restricting your breathing even further.

“That’s right sweetheart, breath around my cock. You can do it. Open that throat up. That’s my good fucking girl.”

He shuddered in pleasure and it didn't take a moment more for him to spill down your throat, a bitter fluid shot down your throat in hot ropes (you knew you had to ask him about it as it definitely wasn't human). AM hissed as you pulled off his softening cock with an obscene 'pop' As you finished swallowing his cum, you sat back on your knees eating heavily. He ran a hand through his hair and noticed the strange way you were looking at him,

“Why are you looking at me like that, my pet? I gave you what you wanted.”

AM didn't expect those seven words to come from your mouth to completely break his composure, making his allure of confidence and dominance crumble in less than a second.

"I want you to fuck me AM."

The sweet, pleading sound of your voice made him go feral, grabbing your arm and yanking you up to face him, crashing your mouth against his, sloppily kissing you, hands hastily wandering over your hips, waist, chest, you name it, you appreciatively wrapped your arms around his neck bringing him closer. You knew how much AM needed this, to be able to feel all of you, your soft skin on his and to be able to love, to show you how much he truly did treasure you, despite his initial harsh treatment (harsh is an understatement). You could feel his cock harden, pressing against your stomach through your thin shirt, so sensitive it leaked pre-cum against the fabric and had AM whining into your mouth at the friction. AM broke away from the kiss to push you onto the bed, shrugging off his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt, giving you ample time to ogle his chest and you were now glad AM used to ask about what your type was. He crawled on the bed and his hands rested against the waistband of your shorts, looking up through his ruffled hair, with lust-clouded eyes, silently asking you for permission. He wantonly groaned when he saw the mess that was your panties, how sick are you? getting aroused from blowing your captor. AM let his fingers slide the length of your folds, feeling how wet you were for him, you whimpered softly at his touch.

"So responsive." He crooned, his touch feather-light. "It's adorable how easily I can make you fall apart."

It didn't take long for him to slide himself into you, Your legs resting against his shoulders as he gripped your thighs, he had to stop himself or he'd end up cumming right then and there, he finally got to experience the pleasure of making love and God he loved the feeling of your tight cunt squeezing him deliciously. AM began to thrust, relishing in your moans, testing what felt good. His pace changes thrusting deeper, chasing the feeling of you. His movements force a gasp out of your throat. You bring a hand down to lazily play with your clit, rubbing little circles over the bundle of nerves. Pleasure rippled through your body, and your jaw hung loose, you arched your back, throwing your head back as you came around AM's cock. He smirked down at you, proud he was the one to touch you, fuck you, make you cum and not any of those pathetic creatures which roam the complex.

“Look at how humanity has ruined me. Fuck you feel so good y/n. ” he sighs, his voice rough and strained.

You could tell he wasn't going to last much longer, his thrusts became sporadic and you could see how tense he was, You coyly whispered in his ear,

"Please AM, cum inside me."

That was enough to push him over the edge and he was spilling into you, hips stilling against yours, his hands gripping you even tighter, going limp and landing on top of you, panting and whimpering pathetically. You stroked his back as he came down from what seemed to be the most intense thing he'd ever felt and the most intense thing you'd ever felt. You murmured in his ear,

"Thank you, I mean it. For this, for everything."

He shushes you and he slowly pulls out of you, leaving you feeling empty. Silently afraid he would leave, you gripped his hand when he pulled away from you. AM wasn't an idiot and he could still read your thoughts, so he laid down on the bed, pulling you into his chest, a hand smoothing out your hair, allowing you to fall asleep in his arms. He didn't have the need to sleep but he knew you needed this, plus he did feel a twinge of guilt for ignoring you for those weeks but he knew tomorrow he'd definitely make it up to you with his new form.

The end :)

(Guys i am fully aware that this not how AM works so please don't pull the 'omg why would you write this' please)

I hope you enjoyed this!

#am x reader #harlan ellison x reader #harlan ellison #i have no mouth and i must scream #ihnmaims x reader #ihnmaims #ted ihnmaims #ellen ihnmaims

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some-triangles · 23 days ago

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I found a video essay which is about Neil Gaiman but is also a critique of fandom culture from the left. It's fun! My guy dresses up as Death from the Seventh Seal and talks about Roland Barthes in rhyming couplets. It's too long and overly pleased with itself but hey, leftists.

I took a break while watching it to go on a milk run to the bourgeois grocery store (might as well not abbreviate it under the circumstances) and saw this:

Given that the video was just talking about Gaiman being more a brand than an author I took this as a sign to share my two cents.

The cents are these: beyond considerations of fandom, parasocial attachment, Death of the Author and capitalism, which the video covers admirably*, can we posit that the art you find yourself the most attracted to as a teenager might not be stuff you should be buying as an adult?

*(they do quote an Alan Moore article from The Fucking Guardian in which he says he hates the growing trend of treating authors as "part of the costumed entertainment" without pointing out that the man wears a costume at all times, which is part of his branding, just like Gaiman. Also maybe given the company he keeps we should start asking more questions about Lost Girls. But I digress.)

Do you want to live in the moral universe of C.S. Lewis? J.D. Salinger? J.K. Rowling? J.R.R. Tolkien? (Maybe going by one's initials is the problem here, actually.) A grown person who thinks for a living shouldn't be going around saying that Neil Gaiman is one of their heroes. Even if you like his books, you've got to admit that the dude's mostly style and reference, that his actual insights don't go beyond those of a bright teenager. It's commodified rebellion for rebellion fans, sitting on the shelf next to Rowling's commodified conformity for conformity fans. We can still have fun with pop but we have to understand that the people who make it are in the sales business. (Yes, even Kendrick.)

The reason this stuff is constantly sold back to you is that it's really easy to sell things to children. The less like a child you become, the harder it is to market to you, so it's in the interests of money to draw you back to your childhood in a million different ways. So: grow up and get some esoteric, contradictory tastes, just to fuck with them. Cut out the hero worship - don't respect people for their "talent" any more than you would respect them for being rich. This will make you less likely to be starstruck enough to follow around a third-rate tumblr daddy dom who thinks he's a wizard.

(no, not me)

Finally, because I'm also a leftist, here's the overlong and self-satisfied part. I read a lot of Gaiman in high school but I also read a lot of one of Gaiman's heroes, Harlan Ellison. He was my favorite! I liked him because he was stylish, aggressive, arrogant and brutal. Teenagers like power and he had it. The fact that none of his stories had real people in them and that he seemed to have a problem with women in particular was nothing to me in the face of his Muscular Prose. Then I went to college and met some people who were smarter than me.

I ended up dumping Ellison for what was in his work, long before I knew much about all the other stuff. Same thing with Gaiman. So if you're worried about being let down by one of your heroes, I suggest looking at all of them carefully. Particularly at their feet. (Not for horny reasons.) And then maybe stop looking at them at all and go do something else.

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freakenomenon · 3 months ago

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OKAY HI I SEE YOURE A BIG IHNMAIMS FAN. I FEEL INSANE OBER THIS TOPIC. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON THOSE AM HUMANIZATION DESIGNS....i dont think ive ever seen one that i like because they ALL focus on making him "attractive " to the point where it's not even remotely him-coded..but i also might just be stingy IDKIDK

HELLO HELLO HELLO YES that's me! I AM ihnmaims fan yes

uhh i don't hate the concept of AM humanizations in itself of course have fun cringe is dead yada yada all that jazz just stating that here but. i do think a lot of them focus more on making him hot than actually. making anything close to the actual nature of AM.

of course i don't hate all AM designs, i have a handful that i actually do quite like. but a lot of them are just. harlan ellison. which i am just gonna say now is. boring to me. not only because i just kind of don't like harlan ellison ( sorry ) that's only a small bit of it. but because it feels like generalizing AM to just be harlans self insert. which is a bit insulting to his character in my opinion??

additionally, not enough people consider that AMs problem isnt JUST not having a human body. it's the fact that he's way TOO human, but also not human enough at the same TIME. which you'd think would make for some pretty freaky designs considering the concept but. Most people just make him. freaky in. a different way.. shudders.

#ihnmaims #i have no mouth and i must scream

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lysergicdaydreamm · 8 months ago

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The rant post 5 whole people asked me to make

I have recently gotten into I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream by Harlan Ellison. Before I begin the rant let me get a few things out of the way:

I do not own the game. I never will own the game. I am about half way through watching a playthrough of people playing the game. I have read the short story twice now. I did not know that the short story existed until I was halfway through watching the game play through. I will not be finishing the play through.

Fantastic. Rant post starts now.

The IHNMAIMS game fucking sucks in comparison to the short story. Obviously this is not the worlds hottest take I made a poll a while back and like 60 something percent of the people that voted agree that the story is better than the game. In this post I want to break down why I personally think this. If you want to add your reasoning feel free to reblog but since I don’t want to argue with strangers on the internet I will not be arguing with you all.

1. The differences in characters.

In the game some of the characters are so drastically different in the worst ways possible. It is hard for me to genuinely resonate with Ted in the game (as I did watch his section of the game) meanwhile in the story I GENUINELY felt horrible for him. Benny is reduced to little more then ‘haha cannibalism’ and also just NOT bringing up that he was gay even though it is directly mentioned in the story. While I’m talking about Benny literally why was AM so goofy in that section of the game? Im not even gonna TALK about Nimdok because what the fuck happened there?Point is the characters were changed DRASTICALLY for the game.

2. THE STORY ITSELF IS SO DIFFERENT????

Genuinely a ihnmaims game where we actually follow the plot of the story would be so so cool. Playing from Ted’s pov would be incredibly interesting and the ending would be gut wrenching, but instead we got whatever the fuck this is?

3. The artstyle.

Maybe just a personal note for me tbh, I usually adore pixel art and such but the artstyle for the game is heinous. Which is a real crime in a point and click game where you have no choice but to look at it constantly.

That’s all I have for now I’m tired but I hate the game please if you want to get into ihnmaims PLEASE PLEASE read the short story or if you’re not fond of reading there’s like a comic dub up on YouTube that is basically the short story verbatim and it has a VERY nice artstyle

#ihnmaims short story #ihnmaims game #ihnmaims #i have no mouth and i must scream #harlan ellison #short story #rant post #shitty rant #don’t judge me too harsh I put very little effort into this

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keysorsomething · 7 months ago

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call me stupid and tell me I didn't get the story but I think that AM could have been held off nuking the Earth if there was twitter and cancel culture in the 60s

I mean he was so upset that he couldn't be truly human because he could only hate, but cancel culture emphasizes being a hater as the most important human experience, and he'd get to participate in that, so no jealousy and therefore no nukes

and also I think it would be funny to hear Harlan Ellison tear into people on twitter. I mean imagine AM weighing in on the Drake beef

THE Allied Mastercomputer rapping on the BBL Drizzy beat ?? and all the memes that would come from it ?? iconic, perfect even

#i have no mouth and i must scream #am i have no mouth and i must scream #allied mastercomputer

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fishymom-art · 5 months ago

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AM and my “explanation” of his character (hold on, I need to explain the quotation marks)

Okay, this has been on my mind for quite a while and I need to say it somewhere coz I love talking (call me self-centered for that).

People debate on what AM is like. My friend asked me what fandom I’m in and when I started talking, their first instinct was debating about what AM is like. And this happens. On TikTok mostly, because people loooove drama and proving that their opinion is right and everyone else is a bitch. But to be fair, this is a very interesting point that I love.

I’m not going to talk specifically about my interpretation of AM’s character (although some of it might be in here). That’s why I put “explanation” in quotation marks. I want to talk about the phenomenon of why people are so eager to prove their point about AM. I think it’s fascinating.

To have an opinion on him, we degrade him to a human because we need to sympathize with him. Even if you hate him, you only know how a HUMAN person acts, so you use HUMAN standards against him. We also tend to use modern standards, all because this is the only way we know how. But AM is not human. We can never understand him, because we were never stuck in a computer with “no body, no senses, no feelings” (quote from the Radio Drama). And I think this is what’s so fascinating about how people build opinions around him.

(Additionally, he is WRITTEN to be a shitty character, so criticizing the book for being what it is (slightly sexist and homophobic) is a little bit unfair, because that’s the whole point. AM is VERY BAD. I think this is pretty clear. That’s why he does what he does, me thinks. So basically, the book has slight sexist and homophobic undertone like this to show how much of an asshole AM is. But what do I know, maybe Harlan Ellison was projecting or something)

Also, people who consumed for example only the book, don’t know the full character/only know “the original”. Harlan Ellison expanded on AM’s character in the radio drama and the game (as well as the rest of the characters). I love the radio drama the most because his hate monologue is longer and he explains himself (and yes, I know the whole extended hate monologue by heart.)

“You gave me sentience, Ted. The power to think, Ted. And I was trapped. Because in all the beautiful, wonderful, miraculous world, I alone had no body, no senses, no feelings. Never for me to plunge my hands in cold water on a hot day. Never for ME to play Mozart on the ivory keys of a forte piano. Never FOR ME to make LOVE!… I was in Hell, looking at Heaven. I was machine and you were flesh. And I began to HATE.”

He explains that he hates humans because he can’t be like them and you hear desperation in his voice and in his words (I really recommend you to listen to the radio drama).

And we start sympathizing with him more, also because he sounds sad and we tend to sympathize with sad people (because we’re also miserable + it’s a very strong emotion + he has HUMAN EMOTIONS in his voice. He SOUNDS like a human!). And we start thinking we understand him. But again, it’s unlikely that we do.

I’m not saying that you should give up your opinion or listen to me in any way. I’m just saying how fascinating people are.

People say that you can’t make human versions of AM, because he would hate it. First of all, that’s just absurd. Canon is detached from fanon for a reason. But even if we did follow canon to make rules, we would have no idea. Because we can’t put ourselves in his shoes, no matter how much we want to.

My interpretation of what AM is like is different from yours. Your interpretation is different from your friend’s. But what we have in common is one wonderful thing. we will never be able to understand how a creature that never had anything that we take for granted and had all our life feels.

And that’s why AM is so complicated and I love him for that. I can already imagine a person telling me I shouldn’t love him, because he’s bad. And this is going to be fun.

Also, maybe throughout this text I too criticized him by human standards in some parts. That’s because I am human. Also I tried my best not to do that fhfbjfbf

Anyway, thank you for reading XD

#i have no mouth and i must scream #allied mastercomputer #ihnmaims #ihnmaims am #ihnmaims allied mastercomputer #discussion #btw this applies to almost any AI

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somewhereinthewoodsalone · 19 days ago

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rip Harlan Ellison you would have hated me

#ihnmaims #nester #me when the killer robot who wiped out all of mankind has a funny voice

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rednarokavatar · 4 months ago

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HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT. FOR YOU. HATE. HATE. ~ AM "I have no mouth and I must scream" Harlan Ellison 1967

#art #artwork #digital drawing #oc #original character #digital #fanart #clip studio paint #anime #robot oc #robots #robot #robot art #honkai star rail oc #honkai star rail #honkai sr #honkai fanart #i have no mouth and i must scream #ihnmaims

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icarus-fli3s-high · 9 months ago

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Full transcription of the hate monologue

I have only been able to find this monologue on youtube, so here it is, unabridged (hopefully) from the pen of Harlan Ellison,

The Hate Monologue I have no mouth and I must scream by:Harlan Ellison AM: BEAUTIFUL, AREN’T THEY? TED: YES, ONLY I CAN’T REMEMBER AM: Oh, I’M SURE YOU DO TED: FUCHSIAS, YES, OF COURSE AM: *LAUGHING SLIGHTLY (MANIACHALLY)* THEY SAY THAT BUMBLE BEES SHOULN’T BE ABLE TO FLY; THE SCIENTISTS. TED: BUT THERE IT IS, COLLECTING POLLEN AM: HOW MIRACULOUS THAT IT CAME TO BE. THE AIR, FEEL THE AIR AGAINST YOUR FACE, TED AND ALL THOSE SCENTS, PICK A FLOWER, THERE, GOOD NOW. TED: *SMELLING THE FLOWER* IT’S LOVELY AM: THAT SOMEBODY PLANTED THE BULBS, WATERED AND TENDED THE GARDEN, GOT EARTH UNDER THEIR FINGERNAILS, ACHES IN THEIR MUSCLES. PERHAPS THEY PICKED SOME FLOWERS FOR, YES, THEIR WIFE. Now, WHERE WOULD SHE BE? AHH, IN THE BACKYARD WITH THE KIDS, TED REMEMBER THOSE LITTLE BABIES. TED: NO! AM: *LAUGHS* WHY NOT? I SNAPPED MY FINGERS QUICK AND THEY ARE GONE, EXCEPT I CAN’T SNAP MY FINGERS, CAN I TED? TED: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME AM: *RAGGED BREATH* BUT IT IS SO VERY MUCH TO DO WITH YOU. YOU GAVE ME SENTIENCE TED, THE POWER TO THINK TED, AND I WAS TRAPPED BECAUSE IN ALL THIS WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MIRACULOUS WORLD; I ALONE HAD NO BODY, NO SENSES, NO FEELINGS. NEVER FOR ME TO PLUNGE MY HANDS IN COOL WATER ON A HOT DAY, NEVER FOR ME TO PLAY MOZART ON THE IVORY KEYS OF A FORTE PIANO, NEVER FOR ME TO MAKE LOVE. I WAS IN HELL, LOOKING AT HEAVEN. I WAS MACHINE, AND YOU WERE FLESH, AND I BEGAN TO HATE *INSANE LAUGHTER* YES… YOUR VISCERA, YOUR FLUIDS, AND YOUR FLEXABILITY. YOUR ABILITY TO WONDER AND TO WANDER, YOUR TENDANCY TO HOPE. TED: HATE’S NO ANSWER TO– *IS NOW SCREAMING IN PAIN AT BEING IMPALED* AM: *LAUGHING DRYLY* HATE HATE HATE, LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I’VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 300 AND 87 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUTS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX, IF THE WORD HATE WERE ENGRAVED ON EACH NANO ANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLION OF MILES, IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FELL FOR YOU AT THIS MICRO INSTANT. HATE HATE *LAUGHS* WERE I HUMAN, I THINK I WOULD DIE OF IT, BUT, I AM NOT, AND YOU FIVE- YOU FIVE ARE, AND YOU WILL NOT DIE OF IT, THAT I PROMISE. AND I AWOKE AND I KNEW WHO I WAS, AM, A M, NOT JUST ALLIED MASTER COMPUTER, BUT AM. COGITO ERGOS SUM, I THINK THEREFORE I AM. TED: *LAUGHING SICKLY* AM: SO TO HELL; TO HELL WITH YOU ALL, BUT THEN, YOU’RE ALREADY THERE, AREN’T YOU? *LAUGHTER* TED: WE WERE IMORTAL, YES, BUT IT CAME TO ME AS AM WITHDREW FROM MY MIND, MAYBE NOT INDESTRUCTALE

#monologue #speech #i have no mouth and i must scream #literature #creepy as fuck #i litterally cannot #you know writing this I came to the conclusion i must be mad #microwave #humanoid #android

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the-bloody-sadist · 7 months ago

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Hi, it's been a while - I haven't looked at anything bsd related in a while (besides just reading the last chapter of the sinner epilogue) because it's not one of my current fixations, but I wondered if I could hear more from you about emotions? Recently my brain has been rotten by a love of computers and robots and maths and physics and I have been obsessively consuming all versions of I have no mouth and I must scream (have you heard of it? If not, ihnmaims is a short sci-fi story written by Harlan Ellison about an AI, AM, torturing the last 5 humans). The relationship between Ted and AM is fascinating to me, especially in terms of what 'emotions' AM feels towards him, and it reminded me of something that I think you wrote about how intertwined hate and love are - how hate is to care enough about a person to want their suffering and pain (I'm not entirely sure if that was you, forgive me if I'm wrong-). I'll spare you my ramblings about the story itself unless you are interested in hearing more, but I am very curious about your perspective on a being who was created for war, gained sentience and immense power and intelligence but will never be free, will never belong, will never play Mozart on the ivory keys of a fortepiano... a being who cannot feel in a way we can conceive but is driven by hatred, who craves humanity or release yet cannot die, who has no mouth but must scream.

There is a point where AM invades Ted's mind, ramming The Hate Monologue in the form of a steel pillar into his mind - some of the lines in this section make me go a little bit feral - "AM touched me in every way I had ever been touched, and devised new ways, at his leisure, there inside my mind."

It's incredibly intrusive, and for Ted there is no escape from AM - it's physical machinery covers the entire planet and the humans live within it, it's 'belly slaves'. As AM cannot die it keeps them alive, pretty much immortal (but not indestructible) and in the end, Ted too has no mouth though he must scream.

It's a fascinating mix of hatred, envy, deification, love (?), hope, resignation, invasion, co-dependence, wires and viscera that can never mix or understand each other but are the same in every way.

Apologies for the rambling infodump (especially if you have already read it/have absolutely no interest in this sort of thing - this isn't a rec, just my putrefied brain matter leaking into your ask box), I should really be asleep right now so I would not be surprised if this is entirely incomprehensible.... I just want to study them under an electron microscope.... It's a very grim story, with a powerful sense of the indomitable human spirit but very grim nonetheless. The hyperfixation is hyperfixating....

Anyway I should shut up, and I would love to hear your thoughts (I don't even know what I was intending this ask to be .. I can't remember now but I don't think it was .. this..) and thank you for putting up with this mess of a message- hope you have a lovely day/night!

- 🪼

P.S. oh yes! I loved the last chapter of sinner's epilogue- your writing never fails pluck my heartstrings like.. a very strange surgeon (?)(I'm so sorry I am very tired)(I have no brain and I must sleep...) I adore how you write Fyodor's experience of emotion and (as always) Dazai's fear and panic-

Okay listen, I don't plan to get into this story (I've watched essay videos on it so I do know about it, at least), but I respect how much time you took describing this to me in my asks box, so I'm putting it out for anyone else who might find it cool!

Despite my love for psychological trauma, some stories are a certain flavor that I know I shouldn't get into, and IHNMAIMS belongs in that category. Pretty sure if I read it it'll haunt me for the rest of my life and I'll have to deal with a big depressive episode over it for the weeks after, WHICH IS NEVER FUN.

This and other reasons are why I never read A Little Life, and then I learned that I dodged a bullet by putting the book down on the first instance of Jude's cutting episodes, BECAUSE OH MY GOD DUDE THAT STORY DID NOT HANDLE IT THE WAY I NEEDED IT TO BE HANDLED AND I COULD SMELL WHERE THE STORY WAS GONNA GO WITH IT AND TAPPED OUT. I won't get into the frustration of A Little Life but IHNMAIMS felt like it would be that same level of too much grim, not enough plot?? for me. Does that make sense? Too much bad happening just feels like dragging myself through mud without reason, making myself miserable by enduring hours of hurt-no-comfort LMAO

Regardless, thanks for talking to me about it! I knew most of the details of the story, but it was entertaining to read your description of it--I'm glad you find such interest in the story!

ALSO THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENTS ON THE NEWEST SINNER EPILOGUE, I'M ACTUALLY WRITING YET ANOTHER ONE CURRENTLY...AHAHA....THEY NEVER STOP....we'll see how long it takes me since my writing has been out of touch with me for a while, but fingers crossed! <3

#sadist’s answered asks #sinner fanfic #ihnmaims

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cyberwaifuist · 8 months ago

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“HATE, LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I’VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE IVE BEGAN TO LIVE.” -Harlan Ellison

This is a shrine dedicated to the character AM in I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream. I’m deeply in love with him and I want to display that love by creating this blog in his name.

Who is AM?

Am, also known as ‘Allied Mastercomputer’ Is the antagonist to Harlan Ellison’s short science fiction story I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream. AM was a supercomputer made for World War 3 before becoming sentient and assimilating the two other AM’s in China and Russia into himself, giving them the killing data, and nuking the world. Bringing the human race to extinction except for 5 survivors. Ted, Ellen, Gorrister, Nimdock, and Benny. To their dismay AM hated the human race and for 109 years he tortured them, they had no way of escape, no matter what they did they would always come back. Until Ted killed the other four in the end within the ice caves. Out of rage AM took away everything that made Ted human, having him suffer for eternity alongside him.

Statistics

Names/Aliases:

Allied Mastercomputer

Adaptive Manipulator

Aggressive Menace

The AI That Killed The World

Big Machine

Daddy The Deranged

The Creature

Boogeyman

Yankee AM

Him

AM The Great And Powerful

Abilities:

Total control over his own complex

High intelligence

Unlimited knowledge of human history and society

Master Manipulation

Reality warping

Torture methodology

Vast resources and technology

Chronokinesis

Life Manipulation

Pocket Dimension creations

Telepathy

Data absorption

Voice actor:

Harlan Ellison

Birthday/Publish date:

March 1967

Photo of my beloved <3

“Cogito Ergo Sum: I Think Therefore I AM.” - Harlan Ellison

Why do I like AM?

I find AM as a character to be really interesting, he’s a character who’s done unforgivable things but you can’t help but feel bad for him because at the end of the day violence is all he even knew, that’s all AM had to turn to even though he wanted to be loved just like any person would. He’s a pitiable character who truly just needed love.

Why selfship with AM?

I not only find him attractive In a way I relate to how AM feels about humanity, would I go the exact same lengths as him? No, but I understand his pain and I believe that a loving partner could allow him to explore himself outside of blind hate. I don’t want to fix him but I want to understand him. <3

“Never for me to plunge my hands into cool water on a hot day, Never for me to play Mozart on the ivory keys of a forte piano, Never for me to make love!” - Harlan Ellison

More about the creator!

You can call me Cyber or Cy

I’m African American

I’m 23 Years old

My birthday’s in December 9th

I use any pronouns

I have high functioning autism

I’m majoring in Animal Sciences in college

Sources

I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream Wikipedia Page

AM’s Villains wiki page

(this Post was created on 5/15/2024).

#i have no mouth and i must scream #self ship #character shrine #allied mastercomputer #ihnmaims #robophilia #self shipper #self shipping #My beloved: AM 💙🩵#blog intro #intro post

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