#hard to like what youve written sometimes

[throes-of-warm-tornadoes]

foundation and empire by isaac asimov: a ramble

i renewed my library card! in other words, here is a semi-serious review/summary/commentary on the first book i read. i even used capitalization for some seriousness factor

This ramble will start with the first book I read: foundation and empire by Isaac Asimov. He’s actually quite an interesting man. He was born in 1920, but his mom lied and said that he was born a year before so that she could enroll him in the first grade. He taught himself to read when he was five and encouraged his sister to do the same, which explained the girl power vibes present in this novel.

If you are familiar with my other ramblings, I doubt it comes as a surpise that my favorite character is Bayta. I found her confidence and sass so refreshing. I could barely even tell she was written by a man. I’ll explain the lore so we can appreciate her character further.

Well—okay. Full transparency: I didn’t fully understand what was going on in the book 100% of the time, so I’ll just be giving a rundown of the bare necessities. In true sci-fi novel fashion, we follow a variety of characters as they traverse the Galaxy in their spaceships. Among these characters is General Bel Riose. 

General Bel Riose is fucking annoying. The prolouge sets up this big giant larger-than-life prophecy about the Galaxy falling. Like, there was this whole thing about a guy named Hari Seldon predicting the fall of the Empire as everyone knows it. But don’t worry! It eventually makes a comeback and is back better than ever—after thousands and thousands of years. But don’t worry (again!) Hari Seldon and his gang of fellow professors/scientists figure out a way to reduce the gap between barbarism and civilization to a mere thousand years. (Or something.)

Then we get to the first chapter, and Bel Riose immediately ruins the vibe. Are you familiar with William Penn? Legend has it that he was sent to America for being a royal pain in the ass, eventually getting the entire state of Pennsylvania named after him. Bel Riose reminds me of him. In fact, maybe they are distant relatives. Right from the get-go, Bel Riose tells us about how he doesn’t even have a purpose. He’s just interrogating a guy from a rebel planet because he literally has nothing else to do. He’s good at fighting, but there’s nothing left to fight. So his leader sent him away, and now an elderly man named Ducem Barr has to face to consequences.

Long story short, Bel Riose and Ducem Barr collaborate to find the Second Foundation. You see, there are two Foundations, and they’re very powerful. To take over both means to be an unstoppable force of nature. They find some other guy named Lathan Devers, who is a Trader (aka a traitor… the homophones work very well), and Bel Riose captures him for information. 

This is where things start heating up. This is my first time ever reading a Big Girl Sci-Fi Book, so I was resigned to slugging through a ton of details about the innerworkings of the military industrial complex, but I’m happy to report that Lathan Devers took it upon himself to save the plot. Simply put, he knocks Bel Riose the fuck out. Then he escapes with Ducem Barr. We follow them on their adventure as they try to avoid capture, and this is where we learn about something interesting:

The Mule.

So, for context, a mule is a horse-donkey hybrid. A freak of fucking nature. The Mule in this story is no different.

And, finally, this is where we finally meet Bayta and Toran (aka her man). Before I explain their purpose in the story, I just want to geek out over Bayta. She’s sassy right from the get-go, which I appreciate. And I appreciate that she’s not scorned for being sassy and confident and intelligent even more. And I love love love that Toran isn’t ridiculed as a weak man/husband for “letting” her tease him and participate in political affairs. They’re equals. She teases him and they call each other names and they engage in silly wrestling matches. They’re cute. 

What I love most about this book—and other forms of sci-fi content—is that you still get a glimpse of the current social/economic/political climate that the author is writing in. Like, we’re millennia and millennia into the future and yet there's still a character that questions why Bayta is hanging out with her rag-tag gang of (male) space buddies, because people in the 1950s were probably reading this book and wondering the same thing. Why does Toran let his wife talk to him like that? Why does he cook her dinner? Why isn’t he more assertive?

Because this is the fucking future, idiots. Women can be blunt. Women can attend political debates. Women can save the literal goddamn Galaxy.

And she does! It was so cool seeing how Bayta was so consistently crafty and intelligent while still being incredibly sweet and empathetic to those around her. 

Enough geeking out about Bayta. We have a plot to get through.

Anyway, with Bel Riose (finally) dead, we’re introduced to Bayta and Toran and a scientist named Mis. Mis is a psychologist that specializes in Hari Seldon’s work. (Reminder: Hari Seldon predicted the fall of the Galaxy.) Enough time has elasped (like, 100 years) that The Mule has effortlessly taken over entire planets. The leaders from those planets are his most trusted advisors. His enemies are his biggest supporters. How did this happen?

That’s what Bayta and Toran are trying to figure out. Along the way, they meet a clown on some strange planet as they try to gather intel about The Mule. He was being harrassed by some police officer, so Bayta and Toran step in and save him and basically take him under their wing. Toran didn’t like him—he was like the son he really wasn’t that enthusastic about having—but Bayta has a major sweet spot for him. His name is Magnifico, and he was The Mule’s court jester. Magnifico lives in a constant state of panic and anxiety because apparently The Mule liked to torture him for fun.

So there we have it: our sci-fi gang of certified ass kickers. Their objective is to find the Second Foundation, because the First Foundation has already been infiltrated by The Mule. (Reminder: to have both Foundations is to have all the power.) With nothing but a spaceship and their own wits, they manage to escape imminnent danger and hostage crisises by the skin of their teeth.

This is where we get into spoiler territory (as in I am going to spoil the series. If anyone is still reading this—which I doubt—and wants to read the series, stop right here. I’m about to reveal the shock of the century.)

So, Mis is trying to figure out where the fuck the Second Foundation is when we get some more lore about The Mule. He’s more than a hybrid—he’s a Mutant. His powers? Well, he’s basically like the most extreme version of an empath. He can manipulate people’s emotions, which explains how he managed to take over entire planets so easily and why he has so many people that are on his side. And—wait a minute. Magnifico is so fucking afraid of everything, to the point where everyone has such visceral reactions to his mere presence, and everyone believes just about anything that comes out of his terrified little mouth—

Strange, right?

Well, if you’re like me and have no media literacy,  not really. To be honest, I felt super bad for Magnifico and was very upset whenever people were just slightly mean to him. And so did Bayta. She’s the reason why he’s even alive enough to tag along with them on their adventure (or so it seems…), so they end up on a planet where Mis has the resources to study Hari Seldon’s findings in more depth. Magnifico is the main person that hangs out with him, and Bayta notices something:

Mis’ life force is draining. Rapidly. Sure, he’s studying his brains out, but he’s literally deteriorating. He finally figures out where the Second Foundation is, but right before he can reveal that information, Bayta promptly shoots him with her gun.

Basically, I’m kinda over explaining this book. It was fun in the beginning, but I’m getting very self conscious over how long this is, so I’ll just cut to the chase. Basically, Magnifico is a very pitiable character. Everyone in the book agrees with this. But so many people pity him to the point of trusting him. Like, who cares if he’s in the room while we discuss top-secret information? He’s just a little freak. Who cares if he’s good at playing an instrument perfectly fit for mass destruction? Not like he’s capable of using it for anything homicidal.

Well, they’re right about one thing: he is a freak. But he’s not harmless.

Basically (again), Bayta comes to the conclusion that Magnifico is The Mule because they’re both very good at emotionally manipulating people. Understandably, I couldn’t get into every single event in the book—mostly because I barely understood it when I read it—so you’re just gonna have to trust me on that one. 

Anyway, I personally really loved the ending. I couldn’t tell if Bayta genuinely liked him or was just pretending to be kind, so to have it confirmed by The Mule himself that she was the first person that was actually sweet to him was honestly so heartwarming. It’s a pity he’s a war criminal. 

Oh! Also, back to the mule (hybrid of a horse and donkey) conversation. At the end, The Mule basically implies he’s infertile (just like a mule) (hybrid of a horse and a donkey) because Bayta got grossed out that he was gonna force her to be his bride and he was like “nah. First of all, I don’t like you like that. Second of all, I am not capable of performing husbandly duties. Why else do you think I'm called the fucking Mule?” and for the first time since starting this book I felt smart as fuck. And it only took me 282 pages to get there. (The book has 282 pages.)

Anyway, to end this longpost off, here are my two favorite quotes from the book:

1). “It’s a dead hand against a living will.” I just know Isaac Asimov had to take a walk after writing that line that was COLD

2) (Bayta is talking) “All right, silly. Now let your lower lip droop and give me that dying-duck look—the one just before you’re supposed to bury your head on my shoulder, while I stroke your hair full of static electricity. You were fishing for some drivel, weren’t you?’” In other words so glad that the “dudes making the dead fish face to signal that they want affection” is apparently a timeless gesture

[mochamadeleines]

Sweethearts and Sweet Dreams <3

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.” (6.4k words)

tags!! - 18+ modern au! Husband! Joel Miller, Wife! Reader, you guys are happy and in love!, mutual obsession if u squint, lots of exposition im so freaking sorry, pervert Joel if u squint, praise kink joel if you squint, dumbification if you squint, written for those with daddy issues lowkeeyyyyy, written with game joel in mind but could be hbo joel no problem!, lowk i combined the two in my mind, mentions of shy old man joel, housewife! reader (by choice), unspecified age gap but reader is like. thirty? and joels Like...55??, talk about joel taking medication for his anxiety, p in v sex, dirty talk, public sex, outdoor sex, joel has a kink for dresses because i said so? service top joel if you squint, pet names, a pinch of jealousy and possessiveness for fun, playful banter, mentions of maria and tommy and their baby with a made up name Lol, mentions of ellie and sarah (rip), mentions of readers past abusive relationships, talk about joel struggling with substance abuse/addiction and being hospitalized.....Im sure u can theorize why </3, lots of lore ill get into in another fic MAYBE *smirks*, flip flop in perspective, sometimes showing what joel is thinking or what reader is thinking blah blah

authors notes!! - hi there!!! im mocha and this is my first joel fic ever + my first fic posted to tumblr!! im really nervous cuz i havent written anything in months and ive never written joel before so please let me know if you like it!! id love to write more of this au for u guys if theres a demand for it...Thank u for reading!! also barely proof read im ngl. ive been staring at this fic all day im sick of itttt. p.s i dont usually write smut i also kinda do idfk Is this bad or am i tweaking

You step out of the house, morning sun soaking into the roots of your hair and the driveway beneath your feet. Theres a package youve been waiting for. 

You cant contain your grin as you wiggle it out of the hot prison that is your mailbox.

“What the hell are you doin’ out there barefoot?” Joel chastises you from the front door, leaning his elbow on the frame. Joel, your lovely husband of two years. Been together for five. And because of how hard he works, you have the privilege of being a stay at home wife. Some people think that sort of life is stifling, but youve never felt so free. No more jobs you hate, no more financial struggles. Just you, Joel, and your cat, Cement. He likes to pretend it isnt a totally hilarious name for a pet.

You were his first relationship in almost a decade, so it was a lot of work helping him unpack his anxieties about dating, and a lot of work for you to feel safe and unafraid. Honestly? Youve been mistreated by enough men to land you in the psychward.

But Joel never yells at you, he never breaks things when hes angry or threatens to hurt you. He might raise his voice every now and again, but its never because of something you did. Sometimes the stress of life is just too much. 

He works hard, he loves his daughter- daughters- and he would do anything to keep you happy. Whatever you say goes, he says. Even now, you hardly argue. Of course you have disagreements, or off days thatd lead to one of you being especially moody, but the both of you do your best to communicate.

Behind that rough exterior, is someone who just wants to be needed. 

You first met Joel at a youth center you volunteered at, he taught guitar, you taught arts and crafts. Joel says it was your smile and sense of humor that charmed him. It was his singing and southern accent for you.

Your favorite thing about Joel is how soft he gets around you. He says its because you make it easy to be soft. 

Joel was a shy lover at first. He would get nervous just kissing you, or holding your hand. While most people become intimate very early on in their relationship, you and Joel didnt do anything sexual for the first five months of you dated. Sure, you almost did, plenty of times, but he would get so overwhelmed and cut things short. You broke two of your vibrators during this era of your relationship. Embarassing.

You remember your first time very vividly. Joel had worked back to back doubles trying to meet a deadline, and on the final day, after having barely spoken to you for almost a week, you had shown up to his house, unannounced. You were wringing water out of your jacket when he swung the door open. 

“How-” Joel blinks a few times, stepping forward to examine the rainfall. “How long you been out here?”

“Not that long,” You lie and pick up the container you brought off the porch chair. Part of you had a hard time mustering up the courage to even knock on the door. Droplets of water cascade down your chin. “Hi, sorry. I know youre tired.”

He shakes his head, voice soft and warm. “S’fine. Now c’mon, youre gonna get sick.”

Youre seated at the little dining table next to the kitchen now, trying to let the sound of the rainfall ease your nerves.

Joel was quick to grab you a towel, and does the honors of drying your face and hair with it. “Why didnt you jus’ call me? Woulda gotten out of the shower faster if i knew you were gettin’ soaked out there like this.”

“I dunno, sorry.”

“An’ whatd i tell you about apologizin’ all the time?”

“Sor- Uh. Right. Okay.” You tighten your jaw. No more.

Joel moves behind you, now squeezing water out the ends of your hair. “Whas’ that?”

“Oh!-” You peel back the lid, showing it to him. “Old fashion cake donuts are your favorite right? I remember you saying you liked eating them with your coffee in the mornings so…I made these. Youve been working a lot lately and I wanted to do something nice for you.”

Joel gingerly grasps the container from your hands, looking into it. Theyre a warm golden brown, outside evenly fried, and the sweet scent of them hits his nose right away.

“I was just gonna leave them on the doorstep and call you to tell you they were there, but I wanted to see you.”

His adam's apple bobs as he swallows the dryness in his throat. Youre too good for him. 

“Thank you very much.” He presses a kiss to your damp hair. “Now, lets get you into some dry clothes.”

Joel gives you a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers to keep you modest while your clothes wash and dry. 

You wait patiently on his bed for the hot chocolate he promised you before you showered. Theres nothing to watch on the tv, so you just turn it off and reach for the lamp on his nightstand instead. 

He comes in quietly, and sets the mug down beside the lamp. You finally come into focus, clear as day even under the low lighting.

“You uh.. You look nice.”

You blink. “I look nice?”

“In my shirt.”

That gets a smile out of you. 

Joel tips his head towards the mug. “S’hot so, give it a few minutes. Dont want you burnin’ your mouth.”

You nod. “Okay.”

Hes sat beside you now and the two of you sit in silence for a while. Its not awkward, just the kind of silence where both of you want to say something but just.. Cant.

Joel unravels first. “Missed you, y’know. Just been tired.”

“I know.” Your voice wobbles, and Joels jaw tightens like hearing you sound so sad stings him. “I missed you, too.” 

He slides his hand over yours, giving it a squeeze. Its okay. 

“Hey Joel...Can I stay the night?” 

“Sure. Id really like that.”

While you drink your hot chocolate, you and Joel catch up. You both talk about work, and about your new found interest in baking. Joel teases you about your lack of cooking skills, you do the same. Youre both useless. 

When its time to climb into bed, neither of you can actually fall asleep. Joel rolls onto his side, away from you and the window. You follow, curling up like a little cat against his back. The sensation is nice for the both of you.

You speak up after a little while.

“Joel?”

“Mm.”

“Thank you for letting me stay.”

He scoffs, voice thick with exhaustion. “Like I'd force you to leave after you brought me such a nice present.”

You let out a little giggle, “So if i didnt, youd kick me out?”

“Id think ‘bout it.”

You gasp, gently shoving at his back. “Thats mean…!”

“S’really not.”

“Oh yeah? And what if I poisoned them?.”

“Then itd jus' be a regular day of your cookin’ then.” Joel reminds you, lighthearted. Too many times where you left the shells in your eggs or burnt toast or left the bacon on the pan for too long.

“You cant get mad at me for my dark past when you made a perfectly good sirloin taste like horse leather.”

“Ugh. Dont remind me. That was like putting a one-hundred dollar bill into a paper shredder. How do either of us stay alive again?”

“Uh. Digiorno?”

“Digiorno.”

After a few moments, Joels rolling over again, and hes guiding your head to settle against his chest. Your arms wrap around him, and his arms around you. 

“Joel,” You whisper. He hums. “Im cold.”

“S’cause youre not wearin’ any pants.”

“And whos fault is that?”

“Still yours.”

“I was left out in the rain like a sad, sopping wet cat. One that was left in a box all alone with no family…” You pretend to sniffle. “Dont you feel bad for me?”

Joel sighs, not saying anything more except making sure the part of the comforter behind your back is tucked into your side so the cold air doesnt get in. When hes done, you do a little shimmy up his body, and throw your leg over his hip. Oh no.

Hes alert now. Very alert. Be normal. Joel hesitates, licking the dryness off his lips. “Uh. Feel better?”

“Mhm.” You push your face into his throat, cat-like, before settling down again. Hes like a radiator.

Actually scratch that, he cant be normal. 

“Darlin’.” He rasps, patting your back to get your attention.

“Mm?”

“Your leg. Move it.”

A few beats pass. “Why?”

“Because…” Wow,  he didnt think hed get this far. You shift forward and Joel lets out a quiet exhale through his nose, one that couldve been masked by the rain if you werent so close.

“Are you-”

“No! No. Its- Its not what you think-” He cant see your face in the darkness but he knows you feel the semi-hard struggling through the confines of his pants. Lame.

“Joel,” You say, soft. Your hands slide up his arm to cradle his jaw. Lightning flashes into the room, giving you a glimpse of Joels tight expression. He whispers your name back, just as soft.

“This is normal.” 

Its normal, it is! Except for the fact that you guys havent had sex yet. The stress of being intimate is too much, kills his boner in a blink. The longer he waits the worse the anxiety gets.

“I-I know.”

You place a hand on his chest, feeling it pound away like crazy through all the soft muscle.  

“Youve been taking your medication, right?”

Has he?

The silence of him thinking is proof enough. “Joel-”

He sighs, rubbing his eyes through the darkness .“I know, I know. Shoot, Im sorry. I just forget sometimes.”

“Its okay.” The pad of your thumb strokes the tops of his cheek, and you press a tender kiss to his mouth to soothe him.  “...Want me to remind you?”

The softness of your lips has him a bit dazed. “Huh?”

“I said, do you want me to remind you? I can- You know, call you before you leave work. Make sure you take them.”

“You know I wake up at five-o-clock in the mornin’ , right?”

“I know.” 

In a whisper, “Okay.”

Joels rough palms trail down your back and stop at the curve of your butt, finger tips delicately tracing the skin above your shorts. You shiver.

Barely above a whisper. “We dont have to go all the way.”

He says your name again, laced with worry. He doesnt want you to feel pressured. 

You pull your leg off his hip and push yourself up, settling your hands on either side of Joels head.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yes-”

“-And you cant get all in your head about it. You stay here, with me. You stay present.”

“Okay, okay.” He nods, a bit defeated. “I will stay present.”

“When you...When you say you dont wanna have sex, what is it that youre thinking exactly? I know you said you just get really nervous but I feel like youre not being totally honest.”

Joel stays quiet, idly rubbing your sides. Maybe you are a cat. Just getting to feel any part of you is soothing. “I jus’ want you to feel good. ‘Fraid ill do somethin’ you dont like.”

“You cant assume how I feel, Joel. Being intimate.. It takes time to learn what the other person likes.”

He sighs. “I know.” Youre always right.

Adding on, “Like I said, we dont have to go all the way,” You lean further back, situating yourself on his hips. He lets out a shaky breath when he feels the pressure of your ass through his sweats.

“But, I want to start somewhere. I want to feel you.” 

“Fuck- Um-” Hes shaking now, letting you grind your hips down onto him. Joel cant seem to control the way his hips instinctively push up to meet yours. Youre both becoming of a mess of little gasps and hot breaths and tiny whimpers already.

You hunch forward, guiding his hand under your your shirt- His shirt- letting him feel up the supple skin of your stomach, then the area where your ribs are, then your-

“And I want you to feel me,”

Surprisingly, you did actually go all the way that night.

Your sex life was a bit of a rocky start, but after Joel got over most of his anxiety, you learned quickly just how goddamn insatiable he was. Five years in and he still regularly makes you sore. 

There are a couple things you learned about him and his sexual interests. He loves to take you in his truck, in your kitchen, in your bathroom, on your couch. Other, riskier places. Anywhere that isnt your bed apparently, not that he isnt fucking you there either.

Joel is handsy, so handsy infact it embarasses you to no end, especially when youre infront of others. Thats usually how it starts, too. First he kisses you, then gropes your hips and your ass, and the next thing you know, youre cumming on his fingers. Then hed bend you over, or get you on your back, or make you ride him. Is it really riding if hes just slamming up into you until your brain turns into mush?

He likes that too. Making you not think.

Youd be lying if you said its only ever him. Sleepy morning handjobs before work, whining to him over the phone and touching yourself to his voice, arching your back into him while you're washing dishes, sucking him off after hours in his office.

And while most men prefer lingerie or little costumes, Joel likes dresses. Dresses that are discreet so he can take you in the backyard when he comes home early and sees you gardening. Or when youre both at a friends house and hes had a little too much to drink and finds himself alone with you. Dresses that make it easy to play his favorite game with you. I touch you, and you make sure we dont get caught by being too loud. Joel really is the worst sometimes.

Now, you only ever wear pants when its cold, or to bed or sometimes when youre lounging, like today. Youre in some shorts and a tank top. Otherwise, its dresses all year round, usually retro styles or ones meant for spring. Joels not picky though, he loves any dress on you.

Even if you wear an extremely modest, white lacey sleep dress, looking like some kind of vintage ghost, the man would still keep you up all night. And he has. He said you looked like a princess. You guess you kind of did.

The entire thing is like an unspoken arrangement between you both. He doesnt tell you to wear them, you just do.

And he works hard to spoil you, so why not buy as many cute dresses as possible? 

You got a cute dress today too, on the same day Joel has off. You think its going to be a new favorite of his.

The big polymailer stays hidden behind your back. Be casual. “Uh- Nothing!”

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.”

“Lemme see then. Show me your hands-”

“Hey, Mrs. Miller!”

Both you and Joel turn your heads to the voice, and only one of you has the energy to fake a a smile. Your neighbor is stopping in his driveway, having come back from a jog it looks.

“Hi, Lee.” 

Joel really, really, really doesnt like Lee. You dont like him either, but youre not one to cause problems. Lee on the other hand, is. Hes a bit younger than you, and a lot younger than Joel. Hes one of those tech dudes with a massive ego, thinks that youll be swayed by his money and his “charm” and youth as if youre some sad housewife in need of saving. Gross. 

And another thing, Lee doesnt even actually live here! Hes here ever so often to visit his dad between, you dont know, tech expos? You forget. Joel believes he started showing up more often to see you. 

Youre walking towards the porch again. Joels looking especially unhappy to see him today, knuckles pulled taut into a fist. His lips stay pressed into a thin line, careful not to let anything slip out. He usually lets you do most of the talking, as much as it pains him. 

Joels really not a fan of the way Lees eyes take a trip up your bare legs. Little shit.

“Out with no shoes again, Mrs. Miller?”

“You know me, Im uh- Im weird.”

“The weird ones do it best.” He smiles, all teeth. It gives you the creeps. His attention is on Joel now. Its like watching a puppy try to one up a wolf. “Right, Joel?”

“Uh huh.” Whatever that means.

“Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something, Mrs. Miller.” Lee crosses into your driveway and you glance briefly at Joel, as if to make sure he isnt going to start growling at the other to stay away. Youre clutching the package to your chest now. 

“Have you ever been to a support group for uh- you know, the spouses of addicts?  I have a friend from work and shes really struggling.” 

Lees tone is sugary sweet, but the fake kind you put in diet soda except that stuff is way better. Joel sighs from the door. You stand there, dumbfounded on the porch steps because what the fuck is he going on about. 

You clear your throat, keeping your voice firm. “No. Ive never needed to.”  

Joels voice cuts in like a knife. “Been clean for almost twenty years now.”

“Yeah but, you know,” He shrugs, squinting a bit under the morning sun. “Relapses happen.”

Joel and Lee are at a stand still, and the moment Joel lets the arm leaning on the frame drop to his side, you know youre in for a lot of trouble. You move quickly towards the door. “We have to get ready for a- uh- a thing? but Im sorry about your friend.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Miller. Im doing my best to support her.” And before he turns away, he just has to be slimy to you. “If you need someone to talk to, Im here for you.”

“No, that really wont be necess-”

Joels slinging a strong arm around you to yank you back inside before shutting the door. 

“Motherfucker,” He hisses to himself, stomping through the walkway and into the kitchen.

“How-” You rub your eyes, letting them adjust to the light inside of the house. You put the package down onto the bar counter that opens up the kitchen and follow Joel to the fridge. “How does he know?? I thought-”

“Been living in this house for decades now,” His expression is tight, brows knitted together while he chugs a bottle of water. “People talk. ‘Specially if I'm being rolled into an ambulance on more than one occasion.” Joel frowns. “Fuck- I shoulda punched him in the fuckin’ face- Do you see how hard he tries so hard to flirt with you infront’a me?”

“I know, love. I was there.” You take the bottle from his hand and set it to the side, then wrap your arms around him. “Try not to let it get to you okay?”

Joel sighs into your hair, giving your body a squeeze. “I know, I know, but jus’ hearin’ him tryin’ta use my baggage to make a pass at you…S’fuckin’ evil.”

“I agree, but I dont want his blood on the driveway.”

“So get it on his driveway instead, got it.”

You giggle and tip your head up to kiss him. The tension eases from Joels shoulders, and he cups your cheeks, letting his worries melt away into your mouth. When the pads of his fingers start to slide under your tank top, youre leaning back. Youll be here for a while if this goes any further.

Joel mindlessly chases your lips, looking a bit pouty now that its over.

“Im gonna start getting ready for the barbecue, okay?”

“This early?”

“I like being punctual.” 

“My brother wont give a damn if were late.” He noses your jaw, pressing a kiss here and there. Your knees are beginning to feel weak. The bastard is trying to distract you.

“But I do. The farmers market opened today, and I promised Maria I'd get her fresh strawberries before we got there, remember?”

“Alright, alright.” He grumbles into your shoulder.

Joel lets you go, watching you round the bar counter to get your package and disappear upstairs.

-

Ever since you came down to a freshly showered Joel, and got into the car with the gift bags you prepared for Maria and Tommy, Hes been staring at you. One wrong move and the drools gonna start pouring out of his mouth.

Your hair is in its relatively natural state, freshly washed and shiny from the oil you put in it. You put on some light makeup, and went a bit heavy handed on the blush to look sunkissed, and topped it off with a flavored lip gloss Joel especially enjoys. 

Now, the dress. Its a pink floral mid-length dress, with a low cut sweetheart neckline and a corset style backing to cinch your waist and push out your chest. The material is thick and pretty, and there are two other layers under the skirt to keep its shape. You have on a pair of little pink pumps with little bows to match. 

The drive to the farmers market is fairly peaceful, the windows are half down and theres music playing at low volume on the radio. You and Joel have different tastes in music, but one genre you can always agree on is alternative rock. 

The weathers beautiful, sun high in the sky, and its not too hot or humid. The day really is perfect. Youre gonna soak up some sun when youre at the barbecue. Hopefully, they made lemonade again too.

Joel has been mostly quiet throughout your shopping. While it would worry some, youve been with him long enough to know that he just has a lot on his mind. What hes thinking about? Maybe youll learn when you make it back home at the end of the day.

You gasp, strolling through the grass to a stand with a mountain of apples. Granny smith, Macintosh, Pink Ladys, Honeycrisp, the works. He grunts, trying to keep the things that are already in your basket steady. You came for strawberries and are going to leave with much more than that.

Joel nudges you softly. “Remember, this is quality stuff, meaning itll go bad faster. Dont get too much.”

“Okay, got it.” You beam, and then begin inspecting the Pink Lady apples first, trying to find the ones with the best color.  He keeps the basket within reach so you can drop your picks in.

"These were Sarahs favorites."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, it was funny 'cause we started arguin' over these or Red Delicious. I think Red Delicious is better."

"Thats so cute! Hmm. Should we get one for her? A Pink Lady?"

"Uh," He thinks on it for a moment, unsure, but the smile on your face helps him make a decision. "Sure, why not."

You drop two perfect Pink Ladys into the basket, moving onto the next pile.

“Hey, Joel.” You grin, holding out a wrinkled granny smith apple. “This one looks like you”

“Ha ha.” He deadpans, and grabs it from you to put back. In turn, hes reaching for the runt of the pile. A pathetically small one sitting near the bottom. “Now this one looks like you.”

“Does not!”

“Does too.” 

The next stand has golden kiwis, and youre practically dragging Joel forward to try them. You ask for one, and the man at the stand slices it into halves, giving you a plastic spoon to go with. 

You let Joel smell it first. “S’good.”

“Lets see if it tastes good.”

You sink your spoon into it, humming when you see how soft and easy it is to scoop out. In your mouth it goes!

Its tastes sweet, a bit mango-y and fucking delicious. You bounce in place, spoon feeding Joel next. “Oh yeah,” He smiles, smacking his lips a bit to really let the taste settle on his tongue. “Were takin’ some of these.”

You take one, then two, then three and four then five and as you reach for the sixth one, Joels stopping you with a gentle hand. 

“Darlin’.” 

“Right.” 

For the next few stands its just you and Joel trying various kinds of fruit. Starfruit, blueberries, some mangos, and then youre going back to the truck.

“I think my favorites were the mangos and golden kiwis. I hope Maria and Tommy have enough space in their fridge for all of this.”

“They moved into a bigger house, I reckon their fridge s’probably bigger, too.”

“What time is it?” 

You let go of Joels arm so he can switch the basket from one hand to the other. 

“‘Bout…” Hes squinting at his watch. “12:34 in the afternoon.”

“Oh! Guess we got the shopping done sooner than I expected. Hmm. Should we stop somewhere in the mean time?-" You snap your finger when you remember something. "They opened up this cafe that has cats in it! We can drink coffee and play with them for bit! The next fourty-five minutes will go by super fast."

“Youre gonna make Cement jealous.”

You bat your hand dismissively. “Hes not gonna caaare.” 

“Oh yes he will. And remind me again why we named our cat Cement?

“Uh, we were both drunk and had gotten him the day before without a name picked out?”

“A whole year later and we still kept it. Worst pet owners ever.” Joel chuckles, opening the passenger door for you like he always does. 

“Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

The giant basket of fruit goes into the back seat next to the gift bags before Joel slots himself into the drivers seat. 

You fumble with the radio a bit, trying to see what else is on but ultimately landing back on your preferred station. Theyve been playing a lot of Linkin Park recently. Hell yeah. Joel buckles himself in at last, and pulls out of the parking lot. 

“Marias gonna teach me how to make baked chicken,” You hum, gazing outside the window.

“You sure youre not jus’ unteachable?”

“Ha ha,” You lightly shove his shoulder, making him smile. “I thought you loved the meat sauce pasta I learned how to make.”

He settles into his seat more comfortably at the stop light, elbow rested on the window. “Got me with that one. Think I like ground turkey over beef, though.”

“Yeah? Me too. The beef tastes better but the turkey is lighter. Stops me from feeling all sick.”

“Agreed.”

Youre looking out the windshield now. Where did all the buildings go? Youre out of the city. 

“Uh, Joel?”

“Mm?”

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere to kill time.”

“Yeah but where?”

“Youll see.” 

Your brows pinch together. “I see a whole lot of nothing except for trees."

“Almost there.”

Joel makes a hasty left turn onto some campgrounds. Your stomach starts to twist into excited knots. Is he gonna show you a baby deer or something? Bunnies? He used to be a park ranger for this area, and would tell you stories about all sorts of baby animals hed run into.

The car comes to a stop, and he turns the engine off. Silence.

“So…Were out in the woods to kill time?”

“Mhm.” Joel unbuckles his seat belt and twists into the back to grab the spare jacket he usually keeps there, then gets out of the truck and comes around the back to open the door for you. 

He holds your hand to help you get down from the passenger side, and as soon as both of your shoes hit the ground Joel is on you. 

You dont know where your hands should go, youve kissed Joel a thousand times and yet you still get so flustered when he catches you by surprise. You keep your hands on his shoulders for now, letting him press wet kisses to your neck and shoulder.

“This is new right? The dress?” He gives your ass an appreciative squeeze through the fabric. “Thought you looked so pretty when you came down stairs in it.” 

Your heads spinning. Something about your dress? 

“Woulda been okay if you let me have you earlier.” He pulls away, examining your flushed face cradled by his hand. Every part of you just fits so well in his palms. “Then I thought, why not have you now? We got time to spare.”

“Joel- We- Someone could see us-” You sputter, and Joels already shaking his head with a knowing smirk. He pulls you around to the bed of the truck, popping it open, only pausing to spread open the jacket he grabbed, just having just thrown it in there when he came around to get you.

“No ones gonna come lookin’ for us.” He turns you around, pushing you down onto your front. “As long as youre quiet.” 

Fuck. You really hate this game. At least, you like to tell yourself that.

Blood rushes to your ears while Joels rough palms lift up the skirt of your dress, exposing your ass and thighs to the cool air. He whistles from behind you. 

“Red lace panties?” His fingers dont shy away from tracing along the fabric covering your cunt. “This new too?”

You crane your neck over your shoulder to look at his face. “Uh.. Surprise?”

Joels smiling now, fingers dipping under the lace. “Thas' awfully sweet of you.”

His touch slips and slides around your growing wetness, then trails down to your clit. Your voice wobbles a bit and fuck- fuck hes going too fast. “Joel- Ah-” You whimper and try to push yourself up to look at him but his hand is steady on your spine, keeping you down. 

Smug, “Go on, sweetheart. Keep sayin’ my name. Jus’ like that.”

A whine escapes you when he pulls away, “Nooo.” You push your ass back, as if to entice him. You succeed, because hes skipped his usual routine of fucking you with his hands and is now unbuckling his belt.

Joel rolls you onto your back, and peels your underwear all the way off, bunching it up and shoving it into his back pocket. Your face burns just watching him.

“Think i'll hold onto these for a lil’ while.”

His hands push the back of your knees towards your chest, exposing your heat. Youll never get used to the way he just seems so interested just watching your cunt squeeze around nothing. 

“Thats-” You swallow, pushing yourself up onto your elbows. "Joel.”

“Relax." He coos, "Seen it a thousand times already, and ill be seein' it a thousand more. Get used to it, honey.”

Your attention flickers down to where his dick is about to meet your entrance. Joels nudging you down onto your back again and pulling the top of your dress down to expose your chest. Its when youre distracted that he actually moves to push himself in.

Both of you groan together, and Joel could never get bored of fucking you, not when your cunt just pulses around him everytime hes inside you.

Joel wastes no time fucking you once he eases all the way inside. Youre trying your best to keep quiet. Shit is no easy task. Its like Joel is trying to get you guys arrested.

He props himself up with a hand near your head, and lets the other keep one of your legs pinned open. The moans start to claw out of your throat. “Joel- Joel-” 

“Shh. Thas’ enough.” He growls through his teeth, fucking you harder. “Youre gonna- Gh- Get us caught-”

Something rustles between the trees, making you both freeze. You clasp your hands over your mouth, watching Joel straighten up to look around.

After a few seconds of squinting, Joel can see a few foxes moving about through the trees. Thank fuck. His shoulders visibly relax.

Hushed, “E-Everything okay?”

“Yeah, jus’ some animals.” 

And like that, hes back to it. His dick is going to make your eyes permanently stay rolled into your head. 

Joel is always just so handsome when hes pounding into you. His forehead gets shiny with sweat, and his jaw is tight from clenching his teeth, keeping himself quiet so he can focus on your moans. His face is noticeably redder against his usual farmers tan too. Really, hes just so attractive.

A flurry of yes and harder and fuck spills out of your mouth and into your palms. Not too loud, you try to remind yourself.

“Joel- S’too much-”

“Nah, thas’ not it.” He huffs, humorous. “You can take it. Y'always do. In fact, you love gettin’ your cunt bullied by me, aint that right?” As if to get his point across, he thrust in all the way to the hilt, making you keen. You forgot how to breathe, lungs drawing tight in your chest.

"Fuck," You manage to squeeze out.

Your palms push weakly at his shoulders, trying to ground yourself somehow. His head drops to the junction of your neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply.

“You good?” He checks in, breath hot on your skin. As if your crying isnt enough.

“So g-good, Joel- Fuck- Youre so good.” 

With a little nod, Joels pushing himself up, switching to slow and deep strokes, really digging himself into you, and trying to find that spot he likes to call home.

He massages your chest, then squeezes your sides and your hips and finally, his thumb finds your clit. Immediately, you jolt. 

“Oh fuck-” 

“Quiet.” And he says it to keep the charade going, even though his favorite thing is hearing your sobs.

His thumb rubbing incessantly against your that sweet little nub of yours. You choke, and Joels chuckling, watching the way you squirm, body not knowing whether it should lean into his touch because its too good or away because its too much.

It starts with this firey feeling under the pad of his thumb, then deep inside your stuffed cunt. Youre going to cum. 

Your hands fly to your mouth again, and you get all wide eyed from the sensation. Its cute. Your muscles pull taut, legs locking around Joels hips. Youre wailing into your palm when it happens.

“Good girl,” His voice soothes you through it. “Very good.”

He pets away the fly aways sticking to your sweaty face when its over. Your eyes drop shut while you catch your breath. 

Joels moving again now. He rolls his hips a few times, and thumb is building the foundation of another orgasm in you. Youre shaking badly.

Your words slur too, “Cant- Too soon- Joel- Joel-”

“Another one.” Joel says firmly, but breathless. 

Youre gasping, not sure where to focus your eyes. The trees around you look like theyre spinning. Your attention is back on Joel, whos looking rather satisfied watching you squirm and cry. If thats how wants to play, then fine.

Your hands slide up Joels biceps, and rests on the nap of his neck to bring him down. “Juh-Joel,” You pant, cradling his face with both hands. “Youre so good- The best-”

Oh, Joel likes that one, you can tell by the way he looks away briefly. Shyness. Excitement runs up your spine. Joel loves being told hes doing well. 

“You are- Nghh-” You swallow the drool in your mouth, trying to get the words out clearly. “The best husband I could ever ask for.”

Joel wheezes, head dropping into the curve of your shoulder. “Please.”

“S’true,” You nod rapidly, fingers curling into his hair. “Youre so good to me and-and youre mine and- Joel-  Im yours.”

“Jesus-” He groans, soaking up the feeling of you pressing kisses to his face and up his jaw. 

“Hhah-  No one else can have me, okay? No one- Not even-”

The name doesnt even come out of your mouth before Joels coming to a stop to slip his arms all the way around your middle. With the new leverage he has on your body, hes drilling his way into you. You fucking squeal, rules now long forgotten. Youre a useless ragdoll in his arms and he wouldnt have it any other way.

Your lips are shiny with spit and left over lip gloss, and he can still taste the mintiness in his tongue. Every now and again your eyes drop shut, but his dick just punches into your guts a little harder. Look at me. 

Your brain is mush, just the way he likes it, and youre perfectly pliant in his arms, babbling over how good you feel. Hes kisses along the valley of your breasts now, stopping to suck the flesh of your nipples.

Youre just so pretty. Even when you have bedhead, or youre snotty from a cold, or youre all dirty from working in the garden  youre still so pretty. Including now, all sweaty with you lipgloss all smudged and your mascara starting to run. Youre perfect. 

Joel grunts loud, jaw clenched tight as he gets lost in the feeling of your insides. His perfect little wife.

When he cums, hes doubling over with a loud grunt, getting a few last thrusts in before his spent floods your cunt.

Youre blinking away your tears, now watching the clouds inch along the sky. It really is a beautiful day. You pet Joels sweaty hair, and kiss the side of his temple. Your core throbs faintly. Jesus, he did a number on you.

“Love,” You say softly, patting his back.

“Mm?”

“Get up.” Another pat. “Youre squishing me.” 

Joel backs off to buckle himself up, but you stay seated to catch your breath and adjust your dress. At least it didnt get ripped during all the… Commotion. Not like last time.

“I need my underwear back.”

“Nope,”

“Joel.”

He kisses the center of your forehead and helps you down from the bed and into the passenger seat instead.  “Told you i'm keepin’ ‘em.”

You sputter, “I cant go to barbecue commando!”

“Sure you can.” He pops open the glove compartment and gets out some tissues, hand snaking under your dress again to clean you. You sigh softly at the sensation.

“Youre the worst.”

“I am indeed the worst.” Joel pulls the seatbelt over your chest and clicks it in. “You can tell me all about it on the way to Tommys.” 

[tthoughtdaughter]

bad habits.

pairing: dealer!ellie x reader.

summary: when you were a kid you had always put a pillow or a big stuffed animal between your legs, you honestly felt comfort by it. but tonight you decided it was going to be somebodies head.

warnings: uh widely ellie giving head?, use of drugs, girls kissing 🤯, swearing, a little bit of dacryphilia, pretty self-indulgent i know its weird im sorry — MINORS DNI !!

a/n: just because the strikes ended does not mean you shouldnt stop posting about palestine!

———————

you were helpless, depressed even. being locked up in your dorm for god knows how long. your friends had been nagging you about various parties on campus, you simply just left them on read, not wanting to deal with the aftermath of the party.

it wasnt until now that you had decided to go. not because you wanted to, you were going against your own will.

your friends, isabella, mattie and thea were forcing you out of your dorm because the state you were in right now was just honestly disgusting.

you were packing a bag to go over to isabellas house because they werent letting you stay in that dorm for a minute more, when thea said. “youve been stuck in here for forever, we havent seen you in awhile, we miss you girl.”

you sighed, reaching over to your closet to find an outfit appropriate for tonight. “look i know, things just havent been the best right now.” you didnt bother to look back because you know all thats going to be written on their faces will be pity.

“can you guys help me pick an outfit atleast?” they squeal, marching over to you before yanking you out of their ways.

mattie held up a dress, it was pink, delicate, something you would were on a picnic.

“dude, thats so basic.” isabella called out from the side, rolling her eyes at matties choice.

“i dont wear stuff like this— how would i fucking know?” she huffed.

“calm down guys, why dont we let ms depresso give us an idea of what she wants?” thea shouts over the teo annoyingly loud girls.

“i— depresso? seriously? not even funny.” you roll your eyes before pulling up pinterest on your phone, you always managed to find decent outfits off of the app.

you typed in ‘party outfits aesthetic.’ before you landed on something similar you had in your closet.

the outfit had a mini, mini, mini, mini black skirt paired with a black lettuce-cut, corset bralette looking thingy and just below that, knee-high boots. you admit it, you looked hot as fuck.

“damn girl, if i were gay id definitely hit you up.” way to go isabella, way to go.

“oh please youre totally into girls, youre acting like you dont eye that dina girl everytime we walk around her area on campus.” mattie adds.

isabella did everything in her will power to ignore the comment, but she couldnt help but blush.

the look of approval shot around the room was hilarious and you all burst out into laughter. you really havent felt this good in awhile.

quickly memorising the girl mattie had mentioned before, you could remember she would always be hanging around with someone else.

“hey, any of you know the girl dina hangs with? i cant think of her name.” you think hard, like really hard, you knew the girl was attractive from all the times you had seen her since isabella coincidentally hung there too.

“yeah, her names ellie, i buy from her sometimes. why, you got the hots for her?” thea teases.

“just shut up and give me her insta.” you roll your eyes, playfully shoving the girl as the two others made ‘oooooh’ sounds.

“fine, just give me a second.” thea whips out her phone and starts going through her following. she clicks on a profile and holds the phone up to you so you could get a good look.

her account was private, by the looks of it she had a batman smoking weed profile picture? interesting.. her user was ‘@ellieisawesome327.’

sounds like a name some 5 year old would put on secretly. “oh, interesting.” you couldnt help but giggle, she obviously wasnt the best at using this stuff.”

you pulled out your phone and searched for her user, you didnt follow it just yet, you thought it would be creepy since she didnt know you at all. you simply just kept the name in the search bar, ready for when you actually want to follow her.

———————

a few hours had passed and you all had gotten done up, makeup, hair, outfits, everything you would do before a party.

“whos car we taken’?” mattie asked. you and the others looked at her like she was some idiot.

“theres only one car in the driveway, take a guess numbskull?” thea pointed out, mattie pouted.

“rude.” she huffed. turning around to scroll on tiktok.

you were sitting on the bed, getting comfy since the party wasnt for another hour, when you spotted one of isabellas pillow. you had put it between your legs, you found some comfort in doing that ever since you were a kid, it was a weird and bad habit.

“whatre ya’ doin silly?” isabella pointed out, she sort of new you had this weird habit of putting things between your legs.

“getting comfy, what does it look like?” you roll your eyes, scrolling through your instagram feed.

“if you actually want something between your legs, try and get head tonight.” isabella added. it was a harmless joke, your group had always joked like this. you toned out the muffled giggles in the back thinking if you should actually get laid tonight.

it had been awhile since you had had sex, and it was getting annoying hearing everyones ‘wild’ stories.

you tool the pillow out from between your legs and threw it back into its position it was in before.

“you guys think we should get going? the parties in twenty minutes.” thea said. you all nodded and got up from your positions to march off to the car.

the drive was ten minutes, you put on your group playlist, it was made for roadtrips you guys took every once and awhile. but tonight you just needed to hear something other then their voices.

you were all vibing to the music when it eventually came to a stop. you sighed and got out of the car, shivering as the cold wind hit your very exposed body.

everyone walked in, it wasnt exactly packed, but you hesitated and mattie noticed that.

mattie was the average femme grouped masc. the one to carry around the shopping bags when you went shopping kind of girl. she was sweet, there were times where you had found yourself harmlessly crushing over her. she knew you had a bit of anxiety and offered you some of her meds before leaving but you kindly declined.

now obviously regretting your decision, she gripped onto your hand and squeezed it tight, for reassurance. you smiled and walked in with the others.

———————

it had been 2 hours and the group had split, isa probably off eating dinas face off, mattie chatting with some of the guys from a basketball team she had played against when faking being a guy as a dare, and thea off buying or even selling drugs. you were sat on a dusty old couch, not exactly wasted but definitely not sober.

you hadnt noticed you were sitting next to the girl whos instagram you were stalking earlier. but the realisation hit when you smelt weed from her direction.

she was very obviously eye fucking you, she wasnt even shy about it, it couldve been the weed that was in her system or she was wildly bold.

“hey?” you started off your soon long to be conversation.

“hi.” she was caught off guard when she realised you were talking to her.

“ellie right?” she nodded and you exchanged your name to her, along with numbers. you sat back further into the couch, parting your legs a little giving her a slight view of what was under you skirt. you enjoyed the fact that she was looking. a little smirk appeared on your face and she didnt notice it.

“my friend thea buys from you right?” she snapped her head up to look into your eyes. you noticed the green in her eyes under the blue hue of the lights in the room. she nodded,

“yeah why? wanna buy from me?” you shook your head.

“kinda tight on money right now, i would though.” you sighed, resting your head on your hand.

she thought for a minute. “ill share a blunt with you, only coz’ youre cute.” she winked and you blushed.

“oh, thanks..” you stare off awkwardly waiting for her to light it, she was wondering if she made you uncomfortable.

“s—sorry, didnt mean to make you uncomfortable.” you shook your head a smiled before she handed you the joint.

you took a puff and handed it back to her, waiting a bit before exhaling. you noticed she was manspreading. then you noticed she didnt quite look like any other girls that were at the party, very masculine. is she lesbian? no surely not, maybe she just likes being comfortable.

ellie was wearing a worn-out jacket, joels. she wore it everywhere she went.

she caught you staring at the position she was in, fighting the urge to spread them further. you noticed she was holding back from something and looked up at her, oh shit she caught you.

a shit eating grin was plastered on her face. “you ‘kay?” she asked, the same smug expression written all over her face.

you nodded and took the blunt out of her hand. you were blushing under the dim lights in the corner, the rest of the place was filled with colourful lights changing every second.

she started blushing too, she didnt know why. you looked up to her with parted lips. the high kind of kicking in now.

“can i.. kiss you?” you asked softly. you regretted that so hard, fuck fuck fuck she probably doesnt like girls..

she moved closer, draping a hand over your shoulder. “thought youd never ask.” she smirked before smashing her lips onto yours.

the kiss was hungry, like she was desperate for something, you couldnt quite place your tongue on it. the only thing placed on your tongue right now was hers. you kissed her back with just as much passion.

the moans you let out were absolutely pornographic. ellie knew she had to do something about this, stopping the kiss whilst you let out a whine from the lack of attention.

you were borderline wet, like waterpark wet, and it wasnt helping that you were wearing a flimsy skirt that had rode up in the process.

“cmon’ princess.” she took your hand, you felt a bit clumsy for some reason, dizzy, your head was foggy, only thinking about how good she tasted.

you followed her around as she knocked on various locked rooms. finally breaking one open, she slammed it shut, locking it and pressing you up against it. not to hard though, wouldnt wanna hurt your pretty little head.

“fuck, youre so goddamn hot.” she mumbled between kisses. you couldnt help but moan at how turned on she made you feel.

she pushed her knee up between your thighs and you shivered, grinding down onto it. chasing the very needed friction.

you wondered how such an innocent question like ‘can i kiss you?’ turned into you riding on her knee.

“els’, please..” that shit eating grin reappeared on her face and you just wanted to smack it right off, you rolled your eyes. your words and wetness only boosted her ego more.

“please what baby?” she teased. why was she teasing you? you couldnt take it. tears started bubbling in your eyes.

“please just— fuck me.” you mumble out. she liked the sight of you crying, so desperate for her. she was going to tease you more before you actually got what you wanted.

“what was that?” she smirked.

you looked up at her through teary eyes. “can you, uh— go down on me? please?” you were begging, that was a sight.

she pulled you over to the bed, through the dimly light room. “strip.”

you did as she said, it wasnt hard to take off your clothes since there was barely anything on you. first your top, leaving you in a skimpy black lacy bra to match your underwear. then came the boots and skirt.

finally, leaving you in a two piece set. she was waiting patiently for you to take them off. you dont know why you were so hesitant, maybe it was because you hadnt done this in awhile, or maybe it was because her stare was so intense it made your stomach do flips, distracting you from the easy task.

she walked over to help you since you couldnt finish what you had started. “d’ you want this?” you nodded painfully slow.

she peeled off your underwear, holding them up to get a good look before back down to your now bare cunt. it was dripping at the sight of her.

“s’ wet for me princess.” she smirked once more, if she smirked anymore her face would probably get stuck like that.

then came the bra, she asked you to turn around so she could unclip it, she was slightly struggling since she wasnt used to these fancy bras, only because she wears a sports bra.

you giggled and reached your arms behind you to take it off, turning around to leave her ogling at the sight of you.

“youre so beautiful.” you blushed, hard. she looked up at you for some sort of reassurance and you nodded.

a minute ago she was so dominant and now shes sweeter than a cookie. you adored that.

she reached her hands out to cup your tits, so soft, she thought. squeezing them and pinching your now hardened, pebbled nipples.

she elicited a moan out of you. you sat back on the bed for comfort and she dived into them. sucking harshly on your tits.

you couldnt tell if you hated it or loved it, your monas were telling her otherwise.

she left purple marks all over your neck, tits, stomach, anywhere she could mark really. you were huffing, all you needed her to do was touch you down there.

“patience baby.” she replied to your subtle huffs. you rolled your eyes, pleading with your body language as you rolled your hips into nothing.

her head moved down slowly, taking time with your body as if you werent some one night stand. did she actually like you?

she kissed all over your stomach and you felt giddy, you were giggling at how it tickled.

the she dipped her head low, taking in how soaked you were. the whole time you had been rubbing your thighs together. any subtle touch made you go crazy.

she fully dived in, and you moaned her name out, loud enough to here over the booming music. “e-els!” she teased your clit with her tongue, licking a stripe down, giving your clit kitten kisses.

her tongue reached places your fingers couldn’t surprisingly. you couldnt stop panting. it felt like heaven.

your vision was going blurry, white, if the coil in your belly bubbled anymore it was going to snap. “ellie.. i—im gonna!..” she moaned into your pussy, sending hypnotising vibrations into it.

“i know baby, come for me.” those words was the thing that snapped the bubbling coil.

you felt hot slick pool out of you, she lapped up all she could, almost overstimulating you. you were panting.

she got up and laid beside you, toying with your plush tits. you could almost fall asleep right then and there.

“alright,” she patted your thigh. “i gotta get going, heres my number though.” she pulled out a random piece of paper from her pocket and a pen. had she been preparing for this? you thought. she handed you the note like a little kindergartener and put her shirt back on.

you had the sudden urge to shove a pillow between your legs, whining from the loss. you fought back everything in you to shove the pillow that was staring at you between your legs. you watched ellie leave,

she left you on the bed looking back at you to smile before closing the door behind you. you eventually got up and put your clothes on, walking over to the bathroom that was in the small room to fix up your hair and makeup.

you realised your hand was still clutching that little piece of paper. you looked at it and read it slowly, still regaining composure.

‘**** **** **** **** message me ;) x’

you probably werent going to message her, but just incase, you slipped the note into your purse and walked out of the room going to look for you friends to take them home, luckily ellie had sobered you up.

———————

a/n: im sorry the ending actually sucks i was getting sick of this and i needed to get it out of my drafts. should i turn it into a series were reader actually messages ellie? idk.

[weeping-fairy]

My first lil writing. Just Spencer Reid smut

Please be constructive, this is literally the first time I've ever written something like this. MDNI 18+

It has crying, unprotected pnv, multiple orgasms, non specific body size, sorta friends to lovers, sorta sub spencer, and ya things like that.

word count: 3131

Spencer has always had a thing for you. 

Poor guy could never admit that though. I mean you, in his eyes, is probably the most stunning person he had ever seen. Its not like he would watch from afar, no you guys are good friends. Every time you guys hang out he has a new fact to tell you, wanting to impress you. He especially loves to tell you things that he knows you are interested in. If you talk about anything he's researching it, trying to understand it the way you do. Its his way of getting closer to you. Him being an intellectual, he loves learning your brain. Youve even taught him a few things, mostly about social interactions, something he is not too good at. He studies the way you effortlessly coast through an awkward situation, how you avoid saying certain things, how you know when to talk and when not to. Its absolutely fascinating to him, how much you know about strangers. He's a profiler, and he's glad he gets to use his training to learn you. 

Whenever he comes home, he always goes to you. This case was particularly hard for him as it hit close to home. He couldn't help but to think of you. The victims friend deeply in love with her. She died the day he was going to tell her. And he had the misfortune of interrogating him for her murder. 

Through tears he explains, "Please you have to believe me, I had nothing to do with this.." the man unable to breathe, Spencer interrupts:

"What did you do when you found out about her boyfriend?"

The subject completely dumbfounded, "Her what?"

Spencer could tell he was being genuine, he had no idea about any boyfriend, he didn't kill her in a jealous rage, he loved her, and she will never know how much. 

Spencer had wished that you were there, to change the subject, or maybe provide your calming presence for the troubled man. If anyone could get him out of this, it would be you. After that awkward interview he couldn't push you out of his mind, how similar this situation is to his own. You could die, and you will never know how he feels. He starts to overthink on the jet ride home. 

"I've waited too long, she wouldn't like me back." 

"It doesn't matter, nobody wants the burden of being with me, I'm never home, she deserves someone who could be by her side"

"And what if by some sort of miracle she likes me back? then what, my job will put her in danger. everyone that i touch is murdered. Maybe i should just stay away, it'll help the both of us"

You knew that Spencer must've been having a hard time. He always keeps tabs on you, texting you everyday, occasionally a call if he gone for more than a week. 

This time its different, he hasn't gotten back at all. Its not total silence, but its enough to get you worried. 

You decide to text: "Hey, I hope every thing is ok, you haven't been talking to me as much. I'm not upset, i know that sometimes cases get hard and draining. I just want to be there for you if you want to talk about it, or something else to get your mind off of it. I look forward to hanging out when you get back, stay safe!"

His response is cold, which only worsens your anxiety

"Just a hard case. Don't want to get into it."

That's all? Spencer is never like this, ever. You can feel your heart drop, tears form. 

"Did i do something? Did i push to far, hurt him by accident?" You start to cry, but still respond:

"That's ok, let me know if you need anything at all, alright?" No response. A day later you stopped by his place, unannounced. He opens the door, obliviously surprised that its you. His eyes widen, he always looks at you like that. It makes your stomach flip and your cheeks flush. 

"hey i hope this ok, i just missed you." you end the what felt like a long pause. He says nothing, instead moving out your way to let you in. Its like second nature, he cant even think when he lets you in, he just knows he needs you around. 

You enter the space, you've been there 1000x before but this time there's an undeniable tension, it makes you nervous. Your head swirling with negative thoughts, worried that he hates you, you must've said something to trigger this behavior right?

When you show up at his house he's in awe. He had been pushing you away, the newest case affecting him in ways that made him uncomfortable. Made him face feelings that he had known were there but pushed away. But there you were anyways, in his home, just you. It had been too long, and just your presence had put him at ease. Due to the abnormal distance from you he was also unbelievably turned on. This always happens on long cases, but usually he would call you, listen to your voice as you fall asleep. The soft, tired tone of your voice enough to make him cum without even touching himself. But this case was different, he pushed you away on purpose, and he had deprived himself of these small moments to keep his raging hormones at bay. He could text you or call you and then fuck his fist and act like he didn't just imagine you in a very compromising position. But now here you were, at his door. Your face flushed, eyes tired. You weren't wearing anything revealing, but that didn't stop him from imagining what was underneath the clothes. It took everything in him not to stare at the way your shirt stretched over your breasts. He moves aside to let you in, his eyes fall to your ass as you walk past him. Your scent trails behind you, it was subtle. Your perfume complimenting your natural scent perfectly. He watches as you turn to face him, your big eyes looking up at him, a pleading look in your eyes. You don't need to speak. 

"Im so sorry," he whispers. You cut him off.

"did i do something?" your voice threatening to break.

He thinks to himself "fucking idiot, she's about to cry because of you and the only thing you can think of is how you want to be buried between her thighs," his mind drifts for a second before responding, thinking about how heavenly your moans would sound muffled, your thighs pressed up against his ears. In fact he doesn't respond, all the pessimism that had plagued his mind, gone. Instead he steps forward and places a hand on your cheek. He looks at your lips and moves in. Just doing it. 

Feeling his hand on your face made your cheeks burn. A pool forms at the bottom of your stomach. Then he does it, he kisses you, a soft, surprised moan slips out. This only serves to turn him on more. Kissing you deeper now, your lips part just enough for his tongue to slip in. This makes you step back, your back is met with the closed door. He moves with you, caging you in. His hands move to your hips, gripping the soft fat of your hips. His hands creep under your shirt, feeling the warmth of your bare skin. You stop him,

"Wait," you say breathless, "what's going spencer?"

His forehead against yours, his eyes still closed, he begins to speak, years of feelings coming out in one single word:

"Please." Then his eyes blink open to be met with your own. Your pupils blown. You don't respond with words but a passionate kiss, your hands tangling in his hair. You dont know what led up to this, but that doesn't matter right now. Your mind consumed with the pleasure of his lips against yours. He starts backing away from the door, his hands still under your shirt, on your waist leading you to the couch. He sits down, holding you still looking up at you, he gently tugs you to straddle his lap. No words, just staring at each other with lust and longing. He holds your face in his hands and admires you. He kisses you again, gentle. He keeps your head in his hands and kisses from your lips, to your jaw, down to your neck. He cradles your head as he continues, moaning against your skin. The taste of just your skin is magnificent. You can feel his bulge press against you, at first you sit up a bit, but as you melt under his soft moans and gentle kisses, you sit down. The feeling of your bodies joining elicits a moan from the both of you. He moves his head from the crook of your neck to look at you, his face flushed. 

"I'm sorry, i cant help it, vie needed this for so long," he whines, bucking his hips against you. You meet him in the middle, grinding against him, your face falls to the crook of neck. 

He pleads "no no please, i need to see your pretty face"

You look at him. He leans back on the couch and keeps a firm grip on your hips, not guiding you, but keeping you firmly pressed against him. 

"yes yes please, god you are so beautiful," his voice breaking, tears forming. 

"please keep going, please i could cum just like this," tears falling now

You slow down a bit and hold his face, "what's wrong? spencer you are crying"

In a sheepish tone he responds, "please don't stop, i just need you so bad, you are all i think about please, please"

His hands tighten around your hips in an effort to get you back to the pace you were at before. But this doesn't work, you stop.

"Please spencer, what is wrong?"

A quiet sob comes out and he hugs you, "I just- this case. it made me think about you and I'm tired of pretending that everything you do doesn't affect me. Even the most insignificant things are like their kind of art when preformed by you. Ive written poems about the soft sound of your breathing when the conversation hits a lull. And i cant act like im not completely enchanted by you. I cant ever let you go without telling you that, without you knowing that i am completely smitten with you."

You hold him as he admits this, you would be lying if you said you didn't feel the same way. You hold him as he sobs.

"Spencer, lets go lay down ok?" You say as you stand up off of him. You lay in his bed and hold him, his ear placed against your heart he calms down. A comfortable silence falls between the both of you. you break it:

"Spencer?," you whisper, almost afraid to break the ease the quiet has provided.

"yes?" He responds in the same, yet more eager tone

"You know i love you too.." 

He looks up at you and kisses you, shifting his body on top of yours, then he stops himself:

"We can go slow, im sorry im just eager"

You reassure him, "No please, dont stop, i need this too."

He does not need to be told twice, the blood rushing to his groin as the words leave your mouth. He shifts between your legs and kisses your neck as he grinds against you. His ear at the perfect place to hear every one of the soft moans fall from your lips. He leaves open mouth, sloppy kisses against your neck, groaning at the taste of your skin. He desperately rubs against you, his hands going under your shirt, massaging your breasts. You buck your hips up, you moan his name and he stops, meeting your gaze. He gives a confused expression.

"take it off spencer, dont stop please"

He does, for a second his brain short circuits. Staring at you topless, it was better than he could've ever imagined. His face moves to the crook between your breasts. Kissin you with reverence. A whimper falls from his mouth with each kiss. Whispering sweet pleasantries' into your skin.

"you are so soft, so sweet"

"thank you so much, so beautiful" 

His mouth attaches to your nipple while his hand rests atop the other. Sucking your nipple into a hard bud, then doing the same to the other. As happy as he is right now he wants something more, he kisses down your body, gripping at the waist band of your pants and pulling them down. Its like hes in a trance. You aren't complaining, lifting your hips so he can pull everything off. He looks down at you, you look up at him. There's a vulnerability in your eyes, you are almost completely naked on his bed and he has yet to take anything off. He notices this and holds your face,

"whats wrong?" he questions further, "did i do something wrong?"

You assure him, "no no, just exposed is all and you aren't" You let out an awkward chuckle to bring light. He looks embarrassed as you bring this up, in his mind this was never about him, it was about you. He could cum in his pants by just sucking your breast all day if that's what you wanted. Although he craves your touch, it doesn't have the same effect as touching you. 

Hearing you. Tasting you. 

"You want me naked?" you cant help but to laugh at the question.

"well isn't that how this usually goes?" He smiles at you and rushes to take his clothes off. He just wants to get back to kissing you. You both share giddy giggles as he gets back on top of you. He kisses you, its sweet. Its beautiful, there's no fear. Nothing about spencer has ever frightened you, even when all he wants to do is ravage you he still stops and slows down. He always notices your face, hes studied every expression you make. With spencer you feel known. As the kissing gets deeper he moves to your neck and back down your body. Kissing where the waistline of your underwear sits. Then he moves his head between your legs, kissing your clothed cunt. Lapping up your clothed core. Finally he cant take it, he pushes your panties to the side and starts. He kisses it before he eats it, worshiping his meal. He might as well have said grace. His tongue delves into your folds. Your taste causing him to moan against you. the vibrations shoot through your body. He attaches to your clit, licking and sucking as his fingers graze your entrance. As he continues he cant help but to hump the mattress. He cant stop it. Your moans and the way your body reacts to his touch is all to much for him. And when his fingers dive in, that's it for him. He stops for a second to look at your face. 

"her face.." he thinks to himself. your face contorted with pleasure. You look up at him, his fingers working you from within and his thumb rubs your swollen clit. 

"Sp-spencer" over and over. Its the only word your know. The familiar coil tightens in your stomach. You are close. You grip his shoulders, tears threatening to fall from your eyes. 

"please just like that," you whine. Its spencers turn to plead,

"Please i wanna make you feel good, please cum for me"

Finally it hits you like a ton of bricks, you clench around his fingers as he slows his ministrations, working you through. As you cum you moan his name, its like heroin to him, he loves it. He brings his soaked fingers to his lips, sucking them clean. The sight is something out of a museum. Your own personal art, a snapshot that will etch itself into your memory. You pull him to you and kiss him. The both of you moan as your lips attach. Your hand palms him through his boxers, he bites your bottom lip as he moans. Your hand reaches in his boxers and works him. His tip sticky with pre-cum. He whimpers in your neck.

"spencer i need you, i need you in me" 

He immediately springs into action, removing your panties and his own boxers. He lines himself and looks at you as his tip slips in. The ecstasy on your face, the way you let your head fall, and your jaw goes lax. He slowly moves until he bottoms out. His own eyes flutter shut, tears forming. 

"so so warm" he mumbles as he starts to thrust harder. Hes not fast but he is deep, pounding in deep. It almost knocks the air out of you, for a scrawny guy his thrusts are powerful. Tears falling from his eyes he rambles

"dont make me stop, im not sad you just feel amazing, i need this please"

"its ok spencer please keep going, you feel so good."

He hides in your neck, his hips still moving. he whimpers in your ear

"so good, so pretty, god i love you so much, thank you, thank you." His movements grow sloppier, you are close too, but hes a lot closer. 

"spencer please just a little longer, mmso close" more tears fall from his eyes as he fights to not finish, he reaches between the both of you and starts to rub your clit. The extra stimulation is just what you need.

"f-fuck spencer im cumming"

He slams into you a couple more times then cums deep inside you. He bites your neck to hide the pathetic moan/sob that falls from his mouth. He stays sheathed within your warmth as he catches his breath. the occasional "thank you" and "i love you" whispers come from him as he calms down. As he pulls out a gasp comes from the both of you. He watches his essence seep out of you. Then looks at your face. Your spent, sweat glistens against your forehead, your hair a mess. You reach your arms out to him, and he lays next to you. You lay your head on his chest. 

"spencer, that was perfect," you say, your voice raspy and raw. 

"i hope so, ive thought about that a lot" he holds you, rubbing your back lazily. You sit in silence till he hears your soft snores. He chuckles to himself and makes sure the blankets are snug around the both of you. He shuts his eyes and falls asleep, listening to his new favorite white noise. 

If yall hate it or have any pointers lemme know! I hope everyone enjoys, i think its nice. I'm sorry if its confusing or anything i wrote it in like a stream of conciseness

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hi! I really hope you are having a good day or a good night.

I'm not sure if this is how we request but can you write a sir pentious x cannibal fem!reader headcanons if you're comfortable with this ofc. Sorry for my bad english I'm French. :(

Sir Pentious x cannibal!reader

RAAAAAAAAH I am once more apologizing to all my requesters for taking so long for some asks!! I get swamped sometimes and stuff gets buried :(

Notes: reader is fem, short post, reader is written as a sinner in mind, short post, hes a little nervous in the beginning but he ultimately doesnt hate you for it

CWs: cannibalism (duh)

it takes him a while to get used to the cannibal aspect, and if anything he might even try to join you in on it to show some level of support for you

it... does not go well. its not his thing, but youre more than free to keep on with this diet of yours

sometimes cant tell if the redness on your lips is actually gloss or its blood... either way hes going to be complimenting you for how nice they look

a researcher, does what he can to find ways to supply you- preferably as ethically as possible but given its hell... it can be hard to keep track-

youve both gone out after an extermination to engage in turf wars. he thought you were bluffing when you threatened to bite and devour your opponents. you were not bluffing

cant find the post but its literally the "GIRL you are KILLING IT! GIRL i don’t think it’s MOVING ANYMORE. GIRL you can STOP BITING" meme as he watches you from his ship in horror as you decimate the enemy

but of course with his own way of saying things and his pet names for you.... my beloved.. my dear.. my darling.. things like that!

[suffarustuffaru]

Hello!

A bit of a weird ask, so sorry in advance.

What methods/sites would you recommend using for reading Arcs 5-8 of Re:Zero?

I’ve almost finished season 2 of the anime, and I’m pretty sure this has become one of my new favourite anime/works of media in general. 

And considering I keep spoiling myself anyway when I look at Re: Zero tumblr blogs, I figured I should just find a way to catch up with the rest of the series. 

You seem smart, and have clearly read Arcs 5-8, so I was hoping that you would be able to provide some advice. 

Thanks!

NOTE; this post is now outdated esp when this was written pre-s3!! i may make a new post if people are interested

hi there!! :D no worries for the ask, its cool to have another rezero fan join in the fandom especially on tumblr (which is a very small, curated circle of a bunch of us trading posts around a campfire HAH) and i hope youve really been enjoying the anime and your stay here so far!! :o this is absolutely one of my favorite media as well (if. if you couldnt tell by the blog pfft) and thanks for the compliments haah i am glad to seem smart.

but yes i gotchu on where to read!! ill be giving you a pretty detailed explanation/guide. (this explanation also goes mainly for english speakers / people who wanna experience rezero in english.) (and of course if any other seasoned fans are seeing this feel free to add on if i miss anything or correct me if needed)

Main Route Stuff:

witchculttranslations is where you can find the translations for the entire main route (which is arcs 1-8). this page is where youll find the main table of contents for each arc and you can find arcs 5-8 there!

note that arc 8, at the time of me writing this ask, is still a work-in-progress and the team of translators in this fandom are always hard at work to translate each chapter. also note that arcs 7-8 are "conjoined arcs" - think of it like arc 7 is part 1 and arc 8 is part 2. so if you happen to get caught up to where rezero is currently at, the rezero subreddit regularly updates chat + update threads whenever new rezero novel content comes out in general. youll find updates on translations or summaries for new chapters there.

there's also distinction between web novel and light novel - web novel are the chapters that tappei releases online, light novel are the official finished versions of the chapters that are released for sale. sometimes there's changes between the web novel and the light novel, but for the most part it's either minor changes to improve on the web novel - sometimes it's major, but for arcs 5-8 iirc there isnt any major changes that you need to worry about.

just note that in the wn translations, all/almost all dialogue is written in script-style. let me show a small excerpt from arc 5 chapter 1:

???: “Good job, Subaru, I suppose.” A small silhouette enters Subaru’s view from above. A loveable girl with long, cream hair and an extravagant outfit—Beatrice. Her fluttering dress looks out of place in the meadow as she presents Subaru with a towel. He accepts it and vigorously towels his head dry. Subaru: “Ah, thanks. Was looking to cool down so this’s perfect.”

so yeah the wn will be formatted like this by the way, just in case you didnt know this yet!! i hope thats not much of a turnoff or anything, but dont worry you get used to it - and the story is still pretty great anyway!!

also dont bother with arcs 1-3 wn. its not so important (and you already know all the major info because youve seen the anime) and also arcs 1-3 wn doesnt have the Best writing. tappei himself had to make extremely major changes for the light novel and the light novel (along with the anime and manga) is the finished and polished result.

and of course the light novel comes with illustrations for each arc. the web novel sometimes includes images as well at the beginning of each chapter, but if youd like to see finished and official illustrations for various scenes throughout arc 5-8 its easy to find them if you search them up online!!

the anime also has a few bits of Important cut content from arcs 3-4 - unfortunately i dont have any resources on hand for this ;-;;; but you can look this up on rezero reddit or online in general since a lot of people have made summaries about this. from what i remember in arc 3 (which is the royal selection/white whale/petelgeuse half of season 1!), the main thing is just the reveal that al has some sort of connection to ram (and rem by extension), some sort of connection to satella possibly, and he is ALSO someone that was isekaied into rezero's fantasy world.

as for arc 4 (which is season 2 of course), the anime got down almost all of the general important info you need to know, but there's a lot of important information in the last parts of arc 4 that the anime didnt include. the anime may include this information (and the al stuff from arc 3) later, but you'll need to know it for arcs 5-8. you can find the witchcultranslations guide for arc 4 here - scroll down and youll find the chapter called Appendix: Advent!! you'll need the info in that chapter for later.

if you want, you can also read the chapters after that - theyre sorted under One Day II and are the official arc 4 interludes that take place before arc 5. i do recommend reading through them, but theyre mainly characterization stuff, character dynamics post-arc 4, everyone trying to recover after arc 4, etc etc. the most important info in there is leadup for arc 5 (all the post-arc 4 aftermath stuff) and also some info/introduction on clind and annerose (who are characters that are briefly shown in the anime for like two seconds). these two do play minor roles in arc 4/beginning of 5, but theyre hinted to be important for later. if youre in a hurry to get to arc 5, totally fine to just skim through it, get basic info on clind and annerose then continue into arc 5 or something. or you can look at their wiki pages - totally cool to enjoy rezero however you wish. it's a LOT of reading dont get me wrong HAH.

as for the manga - this is not required reading or anything, the manga has only done arcs 1-4 atm so it's not really super relevant to you since youre almost done with arc 4 already via the anime!! but of course if you havent done so youre welcome to check it out if youd like, the manga artists are pretty great imo. im just gonna show some art from the manga artists here:

isnt it pretty? :O very nice stuff.

anyway thats it for main route content!! now i gotta explain side content.

Side Content:

you can find witchculttranslations' side story table of contents here, which very neatly shows you Every Single Side Story and is updated regularly every time tappei comes out with new side content. and trust me, tappei makes A Lot of side content. i guarantee you a lot of rezero fans havent read every side story (and i still have a lot of side stories to catch up on myself), so theres absolutely no need to read every single side story!! honestly just read the ones you find interesting + the ones that are required reading! im not sure how much of the side content youve heard about, but ill give you a rundown:

this extremely helpful google spreadsheet here (thats also regularly updated) tells you how important each side story is and where you can find it so you dont have to go on a wild goose chase wondering which ones you need to read for the main story. rezero side stories are on a sliding scale of just silly stuff tappei wrote for fun to this is VERY crucial for the main story. that google spreadsheet should help you out with that - both the spreadsheet and witchculttranslations have links to almost every side story available.

(the spreadsheet also tells you important details and who it's centered around + when each side story is safe to read free of spoilers after a certain point - so it's easy to decide when you wanna read the side stories and WHICH side stories you'd like to read!)

also i guarantee you that if you have a favorite character in rezero that character Probably has a ton of side content theyre featured in - so i recommend just hunting down all their side content and devouring it whole because im sure youll have a fun time with that. a lot of side content also fleshes out a ton of side characters as well in general - people who Looked shallow in the anime ARENT shallow at all, i promise. many people have hidden depths, which is one of the fun parts of rezero!

witchculttranslations and the google spreadsheet also tell you what order you might wanna read in terms of when each one takes place. i recommend following that order for the most part if youd like, but if you wanna binge read side content or something later you can also do that after reading arc 6.

that's how i experienced the side stories myself (i started reading them after finishing up with the arcs 5-6 plot) and in a way, i would say that might just be the easiest way to do it given a lot of the side stories take place during arcs 1-6 or before the events of arcs 1-6. itll make you go "ohhh thats what was happening with these background characters during *insert event here that was focused on in the main story*" or "ohhh thats why These Guys are like this" a lot pfft. so its easier to just get out the most important ones / the ones thatre most interesting to you all in a row after finishing up with arc 6 👍

The Ex Novels:

these are THE MOST IMPORTANT side stories. :o theyll be extremely important for arcs 7-8 especially!! also because these are light novels the dialogue is written in normal narrative format so hooray for that!!

anyway theres five ex novels. i recommend reading these after arc 6 so you got them fresh on the brain for arcs 7-8.

however if you happen to be a crusch camp fan, you can read ex novels 1-3 at any time youd like!! these flesh out characters like crusch, felix, wilhelm, and theresia (some of the wilhelm and theresia content was shown a bit in season 1 of the anime!) so youd probably enjoy these even more if youre a fan of any of them. ex novel four also features felix, julius, and reinhard too, if that interests you! (as a knight fan ex novel 4 was my favorite akdndn and i loved ex 1!!). but yeah in general though read the ex novels in order (from 1 to 5 of course) so you dont spoil yourself for other ex novels, but as i said - you can read 1-3 at any time, and in general its best to read the rest of the ex novels after arc 6.

the ex novels in general mainly focus on important historical events in the rezero world and stuff that happens before arc 1. the ex novels are also our first introduction to the nation and empire of vollachia—this is also the country that priscilla is from (and al also came from there)!! you get introduced to vollachia's whole deal in these novels. youll need this info for later!

anyway witchculttranslations and the google sheet dont have links to them because theyre published + officially translated light novels that are easiest to access by buying them, so harder to get a free pdf of them. however i got you (and your wallet) covered because i got pdfs for all of them right here (if these links dont work let me know!):

ex novel 1 - crusch and felix-centric

ex novel 2 - wilhelm and theresia-centric

ex novel 3 - wilhelm and theresia-centric

ex novel 4 - felix, julius, and reinhard-centric

ex novel 5 - priscilla and al-centric

anyway thats the ex novels in a nutshell!! and of course if you want a physical copy of these books (or any of the rezero light novels in general) in english you can buy these online (sites like amazon has them) or at a bookstore. if you live in the US like i do, barnes and noble has them irl as well. or if you happen to live near a kinokuniya store, they also sell rezero irl. kinokuniya is also specifically for japanese media so i highly recommend giving it a try if you happen to be near one (i got a rezero keychain from there also hah, rezero merch is a little hard to get a hold of sometimes).

rezero light novels are also translated in a few other languages (iirc spanish and polish are some of the other languages its translated in) so if youd like that too you can look into it and buy some!!

The If Routes:

if youre not familiar with these by now, theyre basically "what if"/ alternate universe stories where subaru makes a different and Very Major choice at different points of the main route. theyre not necessarily required reading, but some do have some important lore regarding several of the characters and in general most of them are extremely important AUs for rezero that emphasize all the themes of the story. they also show the Insane butterfly effect of subaru’s decisions.

and if youve gotten this far with the anime already im gonna assume you probably like subaru at least a little bit? :o yeah his character gets fleshed out in Very Interesting ways in these routes. other characters also get changed in various ways due to his decisions!

new ifs are also released typically every year on subaru's birthday - april 1. so with every april 1 the entire fandom plays russian roulette because either the if will be a super silly one or a Very Important one LMAO.

also these ifs tend to be mentioned a lot in fandom bc theyre very beloved and interesting side stories, so i highly recommend choosing which ones you find interesting and just have fun reading them!! you can find them on the spreadsheet, if you want to read them in a more chronological order, or you can find them on the main witchculttranslations website as tabs on the side underneath Re:Zero If Stories. (but ill provide the links to each separate one in this post also.)

all current if routes at the moment take place somewhere in the arcs 1-6 range, so you can look at them either after arc 6, like i said, or in order as you read along with the main route. ill give a quick breakdown of each if just in case!!

Pride If - diverges from arc 1; subaru doesnt call for help when fighting the three thugs in the alleyway. slight spoilers for one part of arc 5 in like One Scene of pride if.

Wrath If - diverges from arc 2; subaru accepts beatrice’s offer to help in the loop where rem dies + subaru tries to run away from the mansion. very minor spoilers for ex novels/arc 7-8 (characters who appear in those arcs appear in wrath if).

Sloth If - diverges from arc 3; subaru gives up and runs away with rem instead of dealing with the arc 3 conflict. very minor spoilers (a character who later appears in arc 8 appears here).

Aganau If - diverges from arc 3; in the loop where rem dies in the cave and subaru carries her back to the mansion, he decides to go down another route away from the mansion instead. years later, he’s now older and still alive after almost everyone else has died. this if is one of the routes in the now discontinued lost in memories mobile game (and this is The Most Important route out of the whole bunch anyway). you can find a playthrough + english translation of it here.

Greed If - diverges from arc 4; subaru accepts echidna’s contract. major spoilers for arc 4 of course. minor spoilers for arc 5+ (small plot beats are mentioned iirc). a bit of important lore for characters like echidna and clind. the first edition of it can be found here - make sure to read this first. this is because this if was also given a longer and polished light novel version of it (it was a special that came with some of the season 2 blueray dvd packages?) and you can find an english translation for the extended + final version under the Blueray Novels and Databooks section of witchculttranslations' side content page.

Gluttony If - diverges from arc 6. major spoilers for arcs 5-6.

Mimigau If - this is just a genderbend au that tappei made that starts from arc 1!! almost nothing is changed besides the characters’ genders, biological sex, names, etc. i sadly dont have a link to this one, but iirc this hasnt been fully translated yet? and it's also very much not that important of an if lore-wise so you're not missing out on much. the genderbent character names are really fun though!

Lust If - this is, supposedly, an if that tappei wrote in one sitting and then decided to delete off of the official rezero wn site. this if is just an april fools joke where subaru gets a harem of various rezero girls. and imo its not Particularly Good, but it was meant to be a joke and tappei just wrote it for no reason so ig the quality makes sense haah. and also sadly that harem includes petra iirc which. yeah. not what id call great.

Vainglory If / School If - basically a canon high school au for all of rezero! not a necessary read at all but it's super silly and fun. and if you like anastasia and/or priscilla they have a lot of Fun Interactions in this one. im not sure if all of this if is english translated yet, but you can find chapter one here.

Other Various Ifs from Lost In Memories - i dont have the links to all of these, but lost in memories has a lot of other more minor aus as well, aganau if is just the most important + the darkest one. the other ifs are more lighthearted and just extra stuff for funsies. other big examples include a julius if (subaru calls for help in arc 1 and julius is the one who comes to help), a reinhard if of sorts (takes place around arcs 1-2, it's a sillier story where reinhard just keeps appearing out of nowhere to help subaru every time he needs help), and also an otto if (arc 1 divergence; subaru gets involved with otto and the two of them decide to start a mayonnaise business).

A Side Note About Rezero Video Games:

ok i know your ask is mainly about how to READ rezero but i figured i might as well explain this really quick just in case!!

there are a bunch of rezero video games and none of them are really Necessary, so dont worry about it. theyre either like - silly alternate universe stuff or theyre a bit more of the serious au variety (like aganau if, as mentioned earlier. i dont know every single rezero video game out there (and i think theres still new ones in the works at the time of me writing this??) and also almost none of them are english translated so its hard to experience them if you dont understand japanese.

the two most important ones (aka the ones with more story in them) are gonna be prophecy of the throne and lost in memories (which i mentioned earlier!). and again, these games are not necessary content - theyre mostly just side content that you can look at/watch/play through for fun and if you just wanna see more of your faves. you can check them out at any time since they dont have any major arc 5-8 spoilers.

Prophecy of the Throne - this is visual novel + a divergence of arc 3 where a new and sixth royal candidate emerges and it looks like emilia is the fake royal candidate here.... so yeah the plot is just. it's like a game of among us. but it's a fun story with a lot of different character interactions (so if you really like the entire cast of rezero youre in luck!!) and features a tiny bit of lore about some powerful groups in the fantasy world. a few of subarus failed loops in this one are also Particularly Brutal. you can watch gameplay of it on youtube or play through it yourself (i know that the game IS on steam too) since it's fully english translated (and all the jp vas and english vas reprised their roles as well).

Lost In Memories - as mentioned earlier, this is a now discontinued mobile game. iirc it was a gacha game? a sort of fighting game? and also it's narrative driven with a bunch of different routes. you can find the wiki for it here - it summarizes a lot of the main story beats. theres no official english translations for this game, but theres a lot of fan translations that you can find on stuff like youtube if youre ever interested in any part of the game. also it has a really fun opening song and animated sequence. nonoc's rezero music is great <3

A Side Note About Rezero Youtube:

theres a lot of summary videos for both main content chapters and side stories on youtube. im not sure how accurate these videos are, but i know that at the very least they can give you a brief rundown on the main points for certain chapters/side stories if thats something youd like to have!

theres also an entire team of people making a fan-run audiobook for arc 5. ive given some of their episodes a listen, and i can confirm that theyre absolutely great. you can find their readings of chapter 1-47 on spotify, and on their youtube channel theyre up to chapter 62. i think theyve also expressed their interest in branching out into other rezero content as well? :o so if thats also something youre interested in you can check them out there!

In Conclusion

anyway, that should be all you need to know - thats a summary of basically all important rezero content from here on out!! i know this is like. Super detailed. so i hope that this was helpful and didnt scare you away or anything hah. and i hope you have fun reading through rezero :o !! you got a lot of content to choose from thats for sure!!

but yeah ty for the ask, i hope i explained everything clearly enough :o !! and if you need any clarification feel free to ask!!

[i-just-want-to-destroy]

the last chapter for walking study in demonology was CRAZYYY im so happy you updated. im so curious about what your thought process in writing it and if youre willing to share?? you dont have to if you dont want to btw! but in any case thank u so muchhh

hey thank you! appreciate it

okay super long answer below

honestly this one was difficult. idk if its bc its been a while since i write fics from scratch so i might have forgotten how difficult the whole thing is, but this one was tough. ch 8 wasnt from scratch tho cos i had the drafts since like 2022 or smthg lol

ik the formatting is non conventional in ch 8 and i was aware that itd be hard to read for some people. but i do think abt the readers often when i write.. mainly not what the readers want in terms of storyline (altho ofc i consider this too sometimes lol) but what the reading experience will be like for them.

i.e consider if id written the chapter in a linear, traditional way and narrated the confrontation between 1-A and LoV (or even other wackier “Villains” like godzilla and invading aliens or whatever). the truth is, although def easier to read, that version will be very boring.

(i know bc i tried and scrapped those versions.)

(im sure a better writer can write it interestingly but i am not a better writer.)

the thing w writing these traditional fight scenes is tht im sure — im 1000% positive in fact — that the readers have read it before. there r literally thousands and thousands of bnha fics out there with great fight scenes, on top of the actual manga, where youve read these characters fight their assorted villains. why would i make you read that again, esp when i know i cant do it better? i already know the readers r just gonna skim the chapter if thats the case. ive been a reader, ik what fic fatigue is like — esp with bnha when everythings been rehashed infinity times in infinity different ways.

same thing also applies with even the “metaness” of the fic itself.

i dont want the fic to come off like its talking down to readers, whom i believe alrdy have the instinctual knowledge of what the fic is trying to do. im willing to bet tht the readers have read something similar to this before, like multiverses n time loop n meta stuff, also cosmic horror. i still end up narrating some things even though often i feel im being too explanatory. i jst feel like the readers will know what im talking abt by virtue of their familiarity to the tropes involved.

therefore the least i can do is serve it in an interesting way, aka the fuckass formatting. like although the tropes im doing r done so many times before, at the very least i cld let the readers hopefully have fun by piecing it together puzzle-style with the fragmented formats — so its more of an experience thing rather than jst a lore dump. i dont like lore dumps, they can be condescending.

demonology def doesnt succeed in avoiding that however. in fact its fallen to that exact trap. ch 4 and 6, those r very lore-dumpy. i tried to make it fun w the humor dialogue style but its not perfect. i know tht by ch 8 that tricks alrdy old, and the readers have all the puzzle pieces at this point anyway so itd be even more repetitive than it alrdy is. even so i still feel im being too explanatory esp with the emotional arcs but thats a skill issue on my part

overall i feel demon can be more oblique and “elegant” in its mechanics.

but anyway, it IS crack… it was never meant to promise intelligence, least of all eloquence lmfao. its never meant to be taken seriously.

of course, at this point u can tell that i actually am taking it pretty seriously LOL. i never meant to write meta fiction. i have some gripes w it, namely that i feel meta fiction is used by weaker writers as a storytelling crutch n it can come off as lazy — demon is guilty of this too. but now that i end up writing meta fiction, i might as well fucking commit and try to push it as crazy as i can. if its not gonna be good, at least it can be interesting, or weird.

blah blah im yapping. point is, ik the end product might look very “random” and pastiche as if i was jst doing whatever i wanted … which, true … but it went thru a lot of trials and errors until this final version. you would not believe the amount of time ive rewritten this chapter, due to all those ^ considerations.

however i always knew i was going to start ch8 with the classic mary sue “fanfiction” — that segment was written a long time ago like in 2022/2023?? and mostly stayed unedited since, unlike the rest of the fic which i stripped and repainted and restripped again lol

ok thanks for reading abt my wack anime crack fic writing process that, again, shld not be taken seriously. i will admit however that i do put a lot of effort n heart into it so i cannot pretend i am aloof and disaffected. id be lying if i say its been easy. i consider it a miracle i updated at all. i keep saying its not meant to be taken serious but if i managed to make it even a little bit meaningful, id be very happy.

ah also. bnha ending actually forced me to scrap a lot of things too. but it kinda ends up for the better, maybe.

[shizunitis]

Whats the worst SV take youve seen?

this has turned into something entirely too long, and the subject kind of got away from me, so i’m adding a cut. yapping king of shizun city, you understand. anyway:

a rather demoralising and shocking opinion i saw, when i first got into the fandom (having just finished reading and letting the story stew in my brain for a while) was the “luo binghe is selfish and hysterical”. two other ones which kind of baffled me were, “shen qingqiu is clearly stupid and short-sighted” and “shen qingqiu isn’t attrated to binghe.” and there were some rather callous comments about shen yuan’s internalised homophobia that i like to think were just worded poorly and i was being overly-sensitive at the time.

i never got into discussions over fandom wank, cause it’s a waste of time and energy and a brand of silly i don’t enjoy, but it was kind of like getting cold ice thrown over my head for no reason.

why couldn’t they understand who these characters fundamentally are? why was it so hard to empathise with the choices these characters made?

i suppose the main things is, i don’t really understand why one wouldn’t even attempt to see things from the characters’ perspectives, mostly. that’s what i usually try to do, and it was a bit of a culture shock to see how some people online engage with media.

like, isn’t that the point? to see characters different from us try to navigate their version of the world? to empathise? why do we have to be so cruel even when engaging with fantasy? why fight tooth and nail to bend the characters this way and that, just so it’s more palatable, so it fits certain tropes, so it’s more relatable? do you have to see yourself in something to appreciate it? i mean, yeah, kind of, i guess. but. at times, it feels like people are trying to distance themselves from the art they’re enjoying because one thing didn’t cater to them. if that makes sense. i hope it does.

just. why comment, with your real fingers, and project onto my real screen, vitriol for a character who 1) is not real, 2) cannot hurt you and 3) you clearly don’t care to explore and understand in good faith? why are you here if it doesn’t serve you? isn’t that just sucking the joy out of everything? you can always let it go?

“internet etiquette” is a weird term to me because i’m weird, but it does make things easier when you’re polite and curious rather than. whatever some people are doing. et cetera.

admittedly, that’s more of a me probably not understanding something. that’s always a very real possibility, and i can be uncharitable at times, especially when i’m tired. alas, it’s my blog, i very rarely am not tired, and i’m too many words deep to stop at this point. i get to complain how i want.

back to the main point: both luo binghe and shen qingqiu are characters that were written very well, and clearly have a lot of soul and thought put into them. their motivations are not hard to figure out. (especially in binghe’s case, but shizun’s aren’t that difficult to parse if you think for a bit.)

the comments weren’t especially vicious, save for some outliers which i suspect had more of a personal bias, and i did manage to eventually find my way to a corner of fandom that can, in fact, read. but i do wonder, sometimes, how some of these people would react to the actually toxic, one-dimensional yaoi filth i read.

just. you are reading a master-disciple fantasy romance, in the end. being shocked and horrified when the master-disciple fantasy romance has master-disciple fantasy romance tropes in it is a bit silly.

anyway. i hope the first people i encountered in the svsss/danmei fandom are well, and that they’ve since started reading/watching works with characters they enjoy seeing, rather than powering through something they clearly don’t resonate with.

also, that they’ve learned to be nicer, maybe. that would be good. would help them, i’d like to think.

i’m sorry if this was not a good answer anon, but you understand, surely. i’m very small and very new to things. trying to figure them out. thank you for the vent material

[hellonerf]

im just wondering, could you expand on how you see americas character? im really interested in how you characterize him and how much youve thought him through.. especially the deeper parts of his personality .

wow this is very sweet 😖❤️ i'm flattered whenever people say they like my characterization(usually i assume people think i'm crazy or something). um i don't really know where to begin here. if you're curious most of the most notable things in my mind i put in the "ame bible" tag on this blog. 😊 i have an old drawing from march that has like most of the "core" parts of my ame written down but i don't like the drawing anymore so i'll just list down what i wrote that time here ->

> going with canon that he's physically 19 maybe 20ish. i think a youthful boyish demeanor suits him -> adding on to this, a pretty important part of him to me is that he is immature. most of the time the maturity he can show is performative and comes from imitation. that plays into another thing i think about him where he imitates normal people's emotional/social interactions without really "getting it"(why i say he's emotionally inept)

> often susceptible to paranoia and (to some degree) a kind of neurosis -> my add-on for this is that i'd just wipe out the "to some degree" i only wrote that back then because i was shy about my hcs LOL. he's neurotic. he is

> he is difficult to deal with... annoying, frustratinng, exhausting (ambiguous mental disorder lol) -> still true. i still have "ambiguous mental disorder" floating around him whenever i think about him lol. mostly only because he'd never acknowledge it so it'd never be talked about

> thoughts are contradictory often--high anount of cognitive dissonance (doesn't dwell too long on these) -> again still true, kinda plays into the "emotionally inept" thing to me? because he doesn't like actual examination his thoughts get tied around in knots like this. and he doesn't look at them enough to untie it so it just keeps building up 🤷‍♂️

> need for attention often reaches heights he's unaware of -> i feel like i didn't word this that clearly. i meant it in that he is an attention seeker and he knows he is but he doesn't know just how far he'd actually go for it until he keeps pushing it. i think this kind of thing still needs a catalyst for him of course(like someone withholding that attention for example lol...)

> 100 step skincare routine akin to patrick bateman or cassie euphoria -> lol true

> fundamentally lonely, or he'd believe himself to be -> nowadays i'd scratch this to just be fundamentally lonely. maybe it's not entirely true but i think it's applicable by itself. it is kind of self inflicted like this though

> some kind of self pity but only the right amount that he doesn't ever better himself -> lol true

> (doesn't dwell on how he treats others partly due to this)(he seems to not dwell on anything emotional in his point of view) -> i'm kind of laughing at how vague my wording in these are because i was so shy about my headcanons 😊 chill out... anyways i think this is still true also that he is cruel to others and it feeds into how he thinks because otherwise he would have to confront how cruel he can be and that conflicts with his self image hard. in his eyes he's reliable and cool and powerful and he treats people badly but "only if they deserve it! only if they had it coming!". if he dwells too long this whole idea crumbles(throwing back to the cognitive dissonance thing). he's not at worst a trickster hero, he's just not a hero at all. but even if i think his hero gimmick is played up and he somewhat knows its not serious it's still a part of how he views himself. like he's thinking maybe he's a little arrogant a little narcissistic but he's not bad! in a way he IS the hero people just deny it! that kind of thinking

> fake but sometimes he doesn't view it that way, sometimes he does -> what i just said about my old vague wording lol... anyways. he's fake this is just the truth. he knows somewhat he's fake (actor moment) but it's not like. he doesn't see it the same way other people would? to him it's just social sleuthing. it's just here and there to get things done 🤷‍♂️ as far as anyone besides himself know, it's kind of his entire being. like he doesn't perceive how big his lies are lol

> in the end he likes to think of himself as better and more put together than he is, but he is not capable of not being "himself" one way or another -> ? why did i insist on wording these in the most confusing ways possible. but well yeah he thinks he's more in control, of himself specifically, than he actually is. on his self image too.

> more self aware than he wants to be, not as self aware as he thinks he is -> it'd be great to him if he was genuinely unaware of how he is at all. but he's also playing up how much he acknowledges about himself here

> a lot of him smells of artifice. but physically he smells like mostly a clean, chemical scent (like drycleaner) -> i still stand by this! i guess it depends on where he is though? if i had to choose another scent it'd be like a soda or something. or depending on the region or something. but most of the time i think he smells like this

> comparatively low pain tolerance but still bashes his head on walls and gets into fights -> i think he's a stupid baby who actually doesn't do that well with pain. i guess compared to other countries is what i mean? i mean i think it depends on the current state of the country too. instead of sharp pains he's dizzy or something... but he has elaborate forms of self harm anyways

> bad with tears of any kind from anyone (actually seriously insensitive) -> true! i think about ame crying now more often than i did back then, but it's still true. he doesn't cry a lot and he's actually good at not crying. it's not like he had to train himself to cry less it's just not a need most of the time. his negative emotional responses are sanded out usually. when someone else cries he is genuinely really out of his element. if he's not being deliberately cruel he's really awkward with it

> body often bounces between more chub or muscle depending on how obsessive he gets about it, basically never skinny but i still suck at bodies -> i would hope i've improved at drawing bodies at this point 😭 i lean into drawing more chub on him because drawing muscle seriously pisses me off. and he's cuter like that 😊. anyways this still applies! but i should say when he's being obsessive about how his body looks he doesn't accept "excess fat" (he doesn't have a good view on this). if he's trying to be muscular it's in the particular kind of impossible model way, not in the way of natural muscle gain. and i don't think he'd like being skinny. his ideal body is a specific one that he has to work to maintain(which makes everything worse when he's really fucked up about it)

> not normal about food but we all knew this already -> playing into the previous point. ame my princess. sorry(he's killing me with rocks) but it's still true! in the way i described before. it's always true we all knew this already. i think in terms of eating disorder it's more like ? a binge eating disorder? i don't really know specifically. things he feels he should have control over but he doesn't. mentally devastating

> sometimes genuinely apathetic, sometimes idgafness played up -> self explanatory i think sorry my fingers are starting to hurt

okayyy that's all pretty much 😊 well no not all. if you're really curious just read through my posts because ame insanity is in all of them and i'm serious. important things unmentioned : all of these every single one applies to my genderbend ame i think this is obvious but i need to say it they are functionally the same person in my mind. if i had to think what makes me think of ame like this it's probably cause before i reread or rewatched hetalia i watched the musicals first lol. but to be honest i think this is just how he is in my mind? like even without the musicals i'd just view him like this. partly because of my own view of the united states of america as an entity, as a foreigner. ame as a concept and such and such... i was so shy about these headcanons then because it was straight up how i viewed his mental state like i couldn't view it any other way if i tried. this is my default read of ame and i didn't want someone to be like you're fucking insane? thankfully people like it somehow. thank you for reading all of this if you did ❤️ bye my hands hurt

[zishu-arts]

do you have any writing tips in general? I admire your stuff a lot and I write too so if you have any it'd be awesome :)

ahh thank you !!!!

generally speaking, i’d say just try writing A LOT. write about anything. write a bunch of different things, try different styles and such. it’s okay to mess around and stuff

also DONT READ WHAT YOUVE ALREADY WRITTEN. i feel like rereading your words over and over while you’re still writing really wears it down and makes writing seem like such a chore. just let the words flow, and once you run out of your juice, you can go back and read it (if you like. personally i don’t think i’ve read a lick of my words after i’d written them, only a few days after i’ve posted fics did i actually read them)

something else is like, if you feel like your story’s stale or like you’re not too good with narrative, you could always add on a story when you mention/describe something. like, if your character is at the park, you can mention how they used to spend the whole day picking out four leaf clovers and collecting pinecones. it’s a nice thing to add onto instead of just leaving it at saying character A is at the park, and the park had a lot of trees in it. it sort of adds onto the character’s like, realism? if that’s the word

if it’s for like technical/format tips, always remember to create a new paragraph every time a different person speaks or the topic changes. try not to overload paragraphs too much because it can get very muddy and hard to read

don’t feel pressured to have a draft before writing. i don’t think i’ve ever written a draft in my life. sometimes it helps people, but for me, as soon as the words get written down, i am NOT coming back to it. it’s okay to wing it a little and just let your words and brain work

i’ve seen this tip elsewhere before, but try to minimize the use of “Character A felt” or “It feels like” when describing something. It falls flat on reader’s imagination when you’ve already stated that Character A was starting to panic. it helps if you describe things like dizziness, lack of air, ringing in ears, numbing in fingers, racing heart, muffled noises, etc. it allows readers to feel the panic while it’s happening and makes things seem more real

let your own feelings be written down. a lot of my fics come from my own personal feelings at different times (like anxiety or neurodivergence and such) or, i would try to imagine what if would feel like to be in x situation. it helps to be able to write a scene if you’re able to know what the experience is like.

that’s all i can think of off the top of my head. i hope it helped !!! im not really sure what im doing when i write cause im literally winging everything, but hopefully these can help :)

[honey-and-sims]

hey idk if youve answered this but whats ur writing process like? im think of doing a story like decades challenge but ive never anything outside of gameplay really. also how far in advance do you plan is it like this gen or gens in the future? sorry for rambling

Hello! First, you don't ever have to apologize for rambling to me; I love a good ramble! And second, if you're wanting to do the decades challenge, I suggest going for it! It has really helped me find a medium to channel my love for writing and learn history along the way.

To answer your second question of how far in advance I plan, I do plan multiple generations at once. I have a basic outline from 1890 to the mid 1920's already planned out, and this includes Ozzy, Atticus and future children and most of the side characters as well like Beth, Millie and Valerie.

As for my process, it's a little more in-depth and I use a website called Milanote for note taking and tracking birthdays and Google Docs for a bigger spreadsheet and writing the story.

Sometimes I have the full scene already written out in advance, but most of the time, it will be few sentences to get the juices flowing or something I wrote down at a different time. I write small things all the time, like little pieces of dialogue, or a good prose that I don't want to forget.

I personally need to see what the scene will look like before I write it out. Mostly because if I write something, and then can't find a pose for it, I get frustrated. So I shoot the scene first, edit the photos, put them into a Tumblr draft, and then finish the writing with the photos there for me to look at. Lately, I've been taking a few photos and then the rest of the scene comes to me while I'm shooting, so I stop taking photos and write it down before I forget.

Anyway, once all the photos are taken and the first draft is finished, I copy and paste what I've just written into my Google Docs. From there, I let it do it's grammar / spell check thing (mostly because I have it set to British-English so I want to catch American spellings of things and change them for me), reread it and put it back into the draft on Tumblr.

After that, I read the scene outloud back to myself. This helps me catch any weird grammar errors that the computer missed, or any repetitive use of a word & then I replace them (I have an extension that looks for synonms for me). I also just feel reading it outloud back to yourself, helps you read it like it's a story vs you just like...saying what's happening, if that makes sense? Like if I'm finding myself bored just by saying it outloud, it will probably be boring to read.

I do this multiple times over before I decide I'm satisfied, and I usually do it one more time before I publish the post. After I like what I've written, I copy and paste that back into my Google Doc because I consider this "my hard copy".

There is also a lot more organization that goes into it than just this, so if you want to know how I organize things, I'd be happy to explain that as well. It's a lot of spreadsheets and notetaking, but you don't have to do that if you don't want to.

And, this is just what works for me, I can't stress that enough! Other people write the scene before they shoot, and that's perfectly fine too. My process has changed overtime and it's taken a bit of trial and error, but this is just what feels the most natural for me.

I hope this helps somewhat and isn't too overwhelming. You can always do more gameplay than writing if that's what works for you, or build a story with gameplay. So don't let this scare or intimidate you! Either way, good luck with your decades challenge!

[definitelynotshouting]

grian pains me why is he such an angst child (rhetorical but needed to be said nonetheless)

i do have a query, punctuation ranking list mayhaps? em dashes?/lh

im glad our love for the fic and universe helps motivate you, remember to take care of yourself!! us avid readers will wait

He rlly is squeaky-toy coded isnt he [said as i am gripping him and throwing him repeatedly against the wall for my own amusement]

AKSNWKSNSM CALLED OUT MERCILESSLY FOR MY LOVE OF EM DASHES.... THIS IS SUCH A CRUEL WORLD /SILLY

Unfortunately youve activated my editorial trap card bc while i dont know if i can rank punctuation since they all have such specific uses that make them each invaluable i do have an internal system of prioritization for how and when i use them that sorta.. denotes how well they might make a sentence POP

For example: em dashes, semicolons, periods, and commas are my staples. My general rules of use for em dashes and semicolons specifically is that i TRY not to use them in the same sentence more than once or twice per chapter/story, and i try to alternate between them where i can to keep things varied and interesting, depending on whats being written. Both are very good for asides and building on top of the previous sentence!!! Semicolons, however, get SPICY if used for a list >:] and that can be REALLY useful for me if i want to hit hard and fast with a series of particular images!!!

Colons are smth i try to use more sparingly and deliberately, but are REALLY fun bc almost every time i use them its like code for my brain to go "oh so we're going absolutely batshit ham on this next line, got it" skdbwjdkwkdkd. Sometimes that looks like me going crazy with imagery, and sometimes thats just me dropping something i find structurally simple yet achingly poignant. Either way its meant to be a gut punch >:]

Ellipses are something i generally don't use much outside of dialogue with some exceptions (listen if it fits the narration then it fits) but my gods they are SO MUCH FUN within dialogue..... guys when they trail off like irl people do all the time...... tbh the em dash and ellipsis are my bestest friends when it comes to dialogue bc i am so damn obsessed with writing people who sound like people. Thank u tma for upgrading my dialogue significantly<3 podcast fandoms are REALLY good for that to the surprise of absolutely nobody

Exclamation and question marks are very fun to put a lil flavour into your prose too but i also try to use them sparingly outside of dialogue-- i personally feel that if used too much in the prose itself it can read as either a bit childish or like its very blatantly trying to lead you around by the nose. But my gods starting off a story with a question??? That shit ROCKS i love doing it and reading it, its a banger every time. By and large i think my favorite opener to a story ive written so far has to be "What is the definition of a haunting?" from my dsmp fic when the night cries. Good shit your honor good shit

Anyway yeah i dont have much of a tierlist per se but those are my general thoughts on how i personally use punctuation :]

[nagipeko]

rate the day2 kids :3 - lee

HI LEELEE this is unfortunately an impossible task cuz the thing is i actually only have one favorite slightly above the rest sometimes and in general i love them all equally😭😭😭 theyre such well written characters and day2 is the only unit in the game where i actually LOVE like LOVEEE every single character in it so instead i will tell you about each one of them

this is AKUTA hes the one thats my favorite by just a little bit!!!! he shares my birthday (may 13) and im so honored!!! akuta really loves movies and he wants to be the galaxys greatest movie director ever and hes the GLUE that holds day2 together as their leader! hes really hyper and hes always up to some fucking shit but has like an infectious kind of cheerfulness to him. and even though he isnt necessarily the brightest (😭😭😭) he makes up for all of it in heart and love for his friends!! when he puts his mind to something hes unbeatable!!! when he thinks too hard he gets a nosebleed cuz his. his body isnt used to thinking LMFAOOOO😭😭😭 every friday he goes around the company dorms asking who wants to join in the weekly movie night with him and he really likes ghibli films!!

this is KIROKU hes an artist and hes really shy and socially anxious but in day2 he says he feels like his ribs have room to expand and inflate😭🩷 his art is really unique and its been described as “creepy” throughout the story but like in a good way because he really thinks outside the box when hes drawing!!!! he has five finger puppet friends that he talks to and at first he hid them from everyone else because he was scared of rejection but when he introduced them to the rest of the unit they all accepted them and it made him really happy😭😭😭😭 as the story progresses he talks more and more after being basically silent at the start because he grows to be more comfortable with everyone😭😭😭🩷🩷🩷🩷

this is NANAKI hes the biggest loser of them all and i say that with so much love in my heart hes a hopeless romantic who gets crushes in like 0.5 seconds flat LOL. hes an anonymous music artist online under the name of unlove and he actually is like a pretty big hit!!! he canonically composed all of the songs in-game which is pretty cool like he has a LOT of fans… unlove is a huge indie hit online…. he feels all of his crushes so strongly that theres a point in the story where after he gets a new one he literally cannot write songs that arent love songs for a bit😭😭😭😭 hes really gentle with kiroku and laughs at akutas shit a lot and hes always in an argument with ushio 😭😭 also he met akuta in kindergarten so they go waaaayy back!!

this is MUNEUJI he appears the most “normal” in the unit but dont let that fool you hes just hiding it LMFAO. hes a really well mannered and polite little guy and hes always levelheaded and good at calming the unit down when they get too excited ^_^ he has a great interest in astronomy as well as TRAINS. he really likes trains. he also is skilled in martial arts and he has actually literally thrown ushio on the ground several times and ushio is just used to this because theyre childhood friends ^_^ usually this kind of character would quietly disapprove of the kind of bullshit that akuta gets up to on a daily basis but i really appreciate how muneuji actually doesnt ever do this. he actually tends to just happily go along with akuta which i find really cute😭😭😭

this is USHIO our resident yaoi lover fudanshi im sure youve heard lots about him already. he really likes baking and his sweets are so good that one time after nanaki ate one he started fucking levitating?😭?? he spends ALL OF HIS FUCKING MONEY ON MERCH and he takes his yaoi so seriously. he is a hardcore keyboard warrior online for his fave but also IN PERSON he gets into beef too which i find so fucking funny like one time he got recognized irl at a fancafe event and the person was like “ugh not this shipper again😒” LIKE WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS USHIO GETTING UP TO AT IRL EVENTS THAT HE GETS RECOGNIZED IN PERSON????😭😭😭😭😭 hes a HARDCORE tsundere and hes always insulting nanaki its literally all an act of course. he really loves his friends hes glad to have them and hes always baking for all the characters and theyre like “omg ushio this is so good i cant believe you made this for us” and hes like Tch… Whatever…. I just had some time on my hands…. It wasnt even a big deal…..

[castlebyersafterdark]

There's a lot in fic as well that I think only works in fic. Certain phrases are fine on paper and get a pass but if I ever heard in real life I'd bust out laughing or cringe really hard.

now THIS interests me. cos i definitely read all written fiction as if it's happening in real life or visually happening in my brain including sound, setting, etc. unless its a book that feels very theatrical, then i'll imagine it all on a stage and sort of design the set and lighting etc too.

its why i started writing fic, cos lots of what i read didnt feel like the show and i wanted something that tricked me into thinking i was watching stranger things in my mind's eye lol. when i started writing i wasnt really inventing what they were saying, but just listening to the characters going about being people in my head and transcribing what they said and did. the characters feel real to me so picturing what they do in between seasons and episodes is so fun to imagine.

but yeah... with smutfic, i dont know, i think praise could be realistically written for me. i like what you said about combining physicala and emotional feelings. depends on the compliment maybe. sometimes you can tell someone is just praising you in bed so they can get the pleasure they want from the situation. so i'm always a bit distrustful of whether its honest praise or manipulative praise i guess. but one of the best compliments ever is "youve got the nicest touch i've ever felt" - how sexy is that????

(and maybe because we've heard so few direct compliments from mike to will in the show, i think im waiting to hear him compliment will in s5 and see how he frames it! i think he might just go all out, having realised what will means to him, and start being more accepting and overt, wanting to finally get things going with will because theyve waited long enough and now the world is literally ending lol)

Gathering this theme together! Now, in reverse order. To non-plussed: I think the thing with it being a praise kink specifically, instead of just reacting to praise and compliments and feedback in general - it's all about the context, the person delivering it, the situation. Personal and slightly graphic, but where are we: if I did a really good job at work on my assignments and my boss called me in to praise me and let me know I did a good job, I'm probably not gonna blush and get turned on (I mean, unless you're attracted and into your boss - but my boss is a 50 something year old woman sooo not my type haha). But If I'm in bed with my man and I'm doing something he likes and he starts giving me really detailed, complimentary feedback, talking sweet in particular reference to myself and/or what I'm doing to him - yeah, that'll do it for me. That's kind of what I want, what I'm into. Sure, there's an element of give and take, action and reaction, it's definitely in a sexual context - but that doesn't also mean it's insincere.

Continued:

Not all conversation exchanged during sexual/aroused situations is manipulative, even if the goal is to to elicit a reaction or get something. Can it be disingenuous or manipulative - sure, anything can be!! But, not in the instances I'm describing.

But to that point - I think the best demonstration of praise kink that I want to read/write/engage with, switching here specifically to fic writing rather than real life (which is even more nuanced and complicated, so I will more focus on fiction), is when it is more sincere. Certain tropes are typical to classic erotica and smut writing technique. I recognize the style but I personally avoid it and don't write that way. A lot of praise and feedback based dialog in fic sounds out of character because it's very stock phrase for generic sex cliche situations, watered down sometimes. Like the master, servant dynamic. Where one party is giving and serving and obeying commands, a goal might be receiving praise and compliments over how good a job they are doing, what a good boy, look how well you suck cock, look how well you take it, etc. - and this dialog doesn't always match the character. Takes me out of it dependingon situation. It's less praise kink and more dom/sub and I've made it known time and time again (not an invitation to reignite this in my inbox ssshhh sorry) that it's not my jam. So, that's where the insincere angle might come in? Tropes rather than molded to specific character?Often times it's just a line or a phrase that does it, not the entire dynamic, so the entire fic is fine, but I might be scrunching my face at a line of dialog that I think was going for really sexy and to me - not so much.

"You've got the nicest touch I've ever felt" - ooooh that's a good one! See, these are the types I think work really well. Specific rather than generic. Good boy/girl is the most generic. I also don't think it sounds like something a teenage boy would say, you're right. I write all ages Byler and I probably wouldn't write the good boy dynamic for any age, but that's also a taste thing. Not my writing dynamic. There's nothing wrong if someone writes it or likes it - as I've said, what's hot for me might not be for you, vice versa. I'm just giving the background to my mindset. Never want to alienate anyone!!

I think one of my recent drabbles could be traced back all the way to a praise kink kinda thing, or at least what spawned Will to react the way he did, where thinking about Mike admitting he "could kiss him forever" was the thing he fixated on and what ultimately took him over the edge. That's physically reacting to a compliment. I explore a decent amount of what could qualify as praise kink in my early relationship exploration "staying at the Wheeler's" fic (always comes back to this one, doesn't it? But so much that I'm interested in can fall under a new relationship and also it's a long chaptered fic so it's gonna cover a lot) because that deals a lot with body image and self esteem and that early on stage where you and your reciprocated crush are shy and bold and fluctuating between both, learning how sex works (in general and with each other) - so the praise and feedback is actually really important.

Imagine two insecure boys who are wrapped up in their own personal issues, getting together, so into each other, how sexual situations would go with them. The shy compliments and guiding instruction as they try stuff, learn how different activities go, what they each learn they like. I'll be sure to include a lot of sincere dirty talk and more sweet talk, through that one. Demonstrating how a natural dialogue might go in the bedroom and not sound like it's cliche erotica or a prno. Also - very true, re: hopeful thinking in the show. Compliments between the two! Will gave Mike so many veiled ones in the van speech, and Mike is capable of giving Will so much in return. They always have these dreamy heart to hearts with sweet words - take it to the next step. It would make so much sense. Also, want to see either of them flustered around the other. Please.

[streetlightsky]

streetlightsky. i think that i would like to tell you that postcards brought me into fandom frfr. 4 years ago i read postcards and have fallen into fandom and 4 years from that i still think that the amazing fic youve written is what has inspired me to keep writing and even as i pull away from f1 i will never forget your fic and how much joy it brings me. thank you for your work and i will screech if u post again <33 sending love

hi, lovely! this was the sweetest message and literally made my day, so thank you! if i have one minor blip on the radar in f1 fandom, it's postcards. and while sometimes it's hard for me to look back on my old fanfics, i will not forget the experience of writing that fic, the emotion and motivation behind it, and the overwhelming feedback it received for my standards.

to be honest, i do have some WIPs that i would absolutely love to finish because the stories are strong, but sadly, the motivation and inspiration is not there like it was when i first started getting into f1 (and i've taken an extended break from fandom to focus on my personal life). but i'll never say never, ;)

sending you so much love back! 💛💛

[myladybelle]

girlll this is coming from an art girly, i am SO for r and pat omg. lowk highkey on team pat in the future too bcs from what we’ve seen of pats and r’s relationship in the future,

“if u asked again i would’ve said yes” …erm so what i’m hearing is that you’d still be willing to say yes👀👀

compared to what we’ve seen of r and art relationship in the future like ms girl wdym “maybe u should talk abt that to ur WIFE”

like that js seemed so PETTY like sm more shit happened between them compared to what happened between pat and r yk

and the way they literally know how each other feel in terms of like “oh my parents want to live vicariously through me career wise” js seems so like UGHH like ik art and r oh first loves sappy cute wtv BUT THE WAY YOUVE WRITTEN PAT AND READER😩

idk but the way you’ve gotten a die hard art girly to vouch this hard for pat is 👩🏻‍🍳💋

honestly, i’m constantly switching sides because i came out of challengers, absolutely in love with both men so i really feel this!! 🤭🤭 although i had only seen mike faist in panic and have loved josh o’connor for years so sometimes i feel like im biased towards patrick lol

i love the art/reader dynamic so much but i feel like patrick/reader is so much more outspoken and passionate and i love them too 😭🙏🏼 we still have a lot to cover and i hope you’ll continue to enjoy the fic x

this is the sweetest thing, i’m so honoured that i have made a die hard art girly enjoy the patrick chapter so much 🩷