#hard drill beat
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motion90affect · 7 months ago
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"Flashbacks Of The Future" | Hip Hop Instrumental Beat | Drill Type Beat...
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endo5000-blog · 1 year ago
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[FREE] '' Loot & Shoot ''| DARK Drill Type Beat 2023 | Uk Drill Type Beat
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visionkept · 1 year ago
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THIS IS NOT A DRILL, THERE'S A TOMOZUHA FANSONG AND IT GOT APPROVED BY HOYOVERSE - OH GOD.
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kingdomoftyto · 1 year ago
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I have always been and will always be a Memory Blank apologist, but I do concede that with the gifts of maturity and retrospection it is obvious the whole episode was just a flimsy excuse to add a merchable logo
(which they then failed to make any good merch of, as previously discussed on this blog dlghjkdsljfk)
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oh-meow-swirls · 2 years ago
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extremely funny to me how before playing 3 i was like "idk if i'd like 3 it changed a lot :///" n then i played 3 n was basically immediately like "i love this game."
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u-t-o-p-i-a-6-6-6 · 1 month ago
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Maikel The One - Expotiffy Mixtape
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indepthjaybeats · 4 months ago
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Bigg Dogg (instrumental)
"Bigg Dogg" by Indepthjaybeats is a modern trap beat that showcases the producer’s ability to blend innovation and intensity seamlessly. This instrumental is characterized by updated synths that captivate the listener, hard-hitting drums with expertly timed stops, and a surprising beat switch at the 1:42 mark that transitions from trap to drill and back again. The result is a dynamic and engaging track that keeps the audience hooked from start to finish.
The track opens with synths that immediately grab attention. These updated synths are cutting-edge, featuring intricate sound design that sets "Bigg Dogg" apart from other trap beats. The synths create a rich, immersive soundscape, layering melodic and harmonic elements that are both complex and mesmerizing. Their futuristic tones add a fresh and contemporary feel to the track, showcasing Indepthjaybeats' talent in sound crafting. These synths are not just background fillers but are integral to the overall vibe, constantly evolving and keeping the listener engaged.
Complementing the synths are the hard-hitting drums that drive the rhythm with relentless energy. The drums in "Bigg Dogg" are designed to hit hard, with deep kicks, sharp snares, and rapid hi-hats creating a powerful and commanding presence. The drum patterns are complex and varied, featuring dope stops that add a level of unpredictability and excitement. These stops create tension and release within the beat, making it more dynamic and interesting. The hard-hitting nature of the drums ensures that the track maintains a high level of intensity throughout, making it perfect for both listening and performance environments.
At the 1:42 mark, "Bigg Dogg" takes a surprising and exciting turn. The beat switches from its initial trap rhythm to a drill beat, showcasing Indepthjaybeats’ versatility and creativity. This transition is executed flawlessly, with the drill beat introducing a darker, grittier vibe. The drill section features characteristic rapid hi-hats, deep 808s, and syncopated rhythms that are synonymous with the genre. This switch not only adds variety to the track but also keeps the listener on their toes, providing a fresh burst of energy and intrigue.
After the drill section, the beat seamlessly transitions back to the original trap rhythm. This return to the trap beat is handled with finesse, ensuring that the overall flow of the track remains cohesive. The ability to switch between genres and still maintain a unified sound is a testament to Indepthjaybeats' production skills. The transitions are smooth and well-timed, making the beat feel like a carefully crafted journey rather than a disjointed collection of ideas.
The production quality of "Bigg Dogg" is top-notch, with each element clearly defined and balanced within the mix. The updated synths are bright and clear, the drums hit with precision, and the 808s are deep and resonant. This level of production excellence ensures that the track sounds polished and professional, suitable for a wide range of applications from background music to the foundation for a full song.
In summary, "Bigg Dogg" by Indepthjaybeats is a standout modern trap beat that features updated synths, hard-hitting drums with dope stops, and a unique beat switch from trap to drill and back. The track's dynamic structure, high production quality, and innovative elements make it a compelling and memorable listening experience. Indepthjaybeats' ability to blend different genres and create a cohesive sound showcases their talent and creativity, ensuring that "Bigg Dogg" will resonate with fans of modern trap music and beyond.
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nighthawkes · 4 months ago
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#someone should give me an environment where I can practice giving completely unfiltered responses again#and enrichment activities that cause me to say mean and aggressive and provocative and impolite shit#would love to get back in touch with the part of myself that was so naturally candid and cutting that I didn’t even realize how mean it was#and I had to become this person I am now who is so out of touch with giving her genuine natural response to things that anything less than#3 filters deep feels unthought out#like. I’m practicing actively trying to be in touch with what I want to say every day with my friends by actually trying to say what I mean#and think rather than what I’m guessing at what they want to hear but it’s not enough#other people are just saying shit and I’m left flabbergasted because either I drilled myself out of that or it was drilled out of me#i think I also have a semi frequent problem of thinking ten steps ahead in a conversation. how do I stop doing that. it feels directly conne#connected to this filter thing#sense of self#2024#it’s getting easier. I notice myself doing it without intention a lot these days. but I feel like something got lost along the way.#like my brain is still speedrunning the filters and all the beats it expects to encounter in the conversation and THEN overriding that#it’s not natural. or I’m not feeling what I’m saying as deeply or not accurately communicating what I’m trying to#I’ve been doing the ‘practicing actively saying what I’m thinking and feeling’ thing for years and years#it really isn’t hard to do. I’m just stuck on that processing issue I guess. why doesn’t being candid feel natural anymore.
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motion90affect · 7 months ago
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Hip Hop Instrumental Beat - "Breaking The Wave" | Hard Drill Beat
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acid-ixx · 5 months ago
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ch.2: again &. again (platonic! yandere batfam x neglected! gn reader)
directory: preq, chapter one, chapter two, chapter three, chapter four
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read until the end for an author's note.
*"XX/XX/XXXX, entry no. 13.
i hate everything. i hate my family. i hate my father, i hate my brothers, i hate my classmates, i hate alfred, i hate this place, i hate my mom, i hate everyone.
why can't i ever get what i wanted? what do i have to do? i tried so hard to be everything for them, but why do i only amount to nothing? it's been a year, or two, i don't know. it hurts trying to remember when was the last time i saw him. saw, not talk, because he never talks to me, bruce never even looks at me. and i hate myself for trying to get him to look at me.
is he disgusted at me? does he see my mother in me? does he hate me that much? i don't know, i don't want to know, it hurts to know. i don't know why i'm trying anymore, i don't know how longer i can last in this hell. i can feel it, the longer i stay here, the more i lose a part of myself. i don't want to be here.
i don't want to pray anymore.
so if there's any god out there watching over me, then i wish for you to burn, to suffer, to go through the same thing i have been experiencing for years— all for putting me in this place. i would've been fine living in the streets with my mother. i would've been alright providing for our small family, i would've known to never get my hopes high, but you took her away from me!—
i hate you."
"master (name), are you awake? dinner is ready."
you had to shut your diary at the sound of the knock and alfred's voice.
"alfr-"
a cough, hoarse and croaky, cuts you out from calling his name. it was accompanied by uncontrollable sniffles, mucus blocking your nose from breathing properly. your room was dark, save for the lamp that lights up your bedside, where you currently were seated on your bed to write another entry, grip on your pen unknowingly harsh. you didn't even have to look at your reflection from your phone laying beside the diary to know that hiding your tears were fruitless.
salty were the crystalline droplets that streaks your face, but bitter were the emotions that had your heart ache.
you hear a sigh from the other room. before he could muster a reply, you beat him to it.
"i'm not eating dinner, alfred," you hate hearing your voice, sounding so obviously scrathy from the hours of wailing. "at least not with them. i don't want to get out at all."
"then may i at least bring them over to you, master (name)?"
his answer was final, you have no choice on retaliating and starving yourself like you did for the past few days. but it wasn't your fault that you had forgotten your body's needs. it wasn't your fault that your mind blanks itself out on the dinner table. it wasn't your fault that bile quickly crawls up your throat at hearing their voices.
you simply lost your appetite seeing them happy without you.
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alfred pennyworth would never play favorite.
it was drilled into his head ever since he had sworn to serve the wayne family and its extended members— he is to serve anyone and everyone, regardless if they respect him or they do not; as long as they do not pose any danger within the manor, then he is to attend to them.
you'd think that in his decades of service for the wayne's - with all the contrasting personalities he had to deal with - he would maintain professional standards and tell everybody in the world, "i, of course, do not favor anyone within the family, i live to serve and that is truth." when in fact, he wouldn't hesistate to admit that he does, in actuality, have a favorite.
and no, it wouldn't be the eldest child, dick grayson, as much as he is alfred's pride and joy, nor would it be the youngest, damian wayne, who had been slowly correcting his mistakes. it wouldn't even be the head of the house, master bruce.
it would be you, (name) wayne, the infamous, yet forgetten child of the wayne family.
it wouldn't be a far fetch for alfred to admit that you weren't like the others. in all of the years that he served the wayne's, you were a contrast of the family.
the first few hours that he had picked you up from the police department upon the news of bruce's secret child, he knew you were more than just a child raised by the brutal streets of gotham.
you pose secrets that speak of the underground.
he remembers your seated form on the stiff chair of the interrogation room, pose unnervingly straight, as if you had solidified yourself against the metal seat. your fingers were the only signs that showed life, twiddling with each other as if it's some form of distraction.
you stared at nothing.
not even at the police as your name was called for pick up.
it took merely a signature of confirmation to dictate the future years of your life.
what's left of your belongings were given to alfred. the police officer, a woman with a kind smile then had to walk across the interrogation table to pat your back, gesturing for you to stand up and follow her and alfred on the way outside of the station, where the car was parked.
you hadn't uttered a word nor snapped out of your dreamlike gaze. not even when you were greeted with a thousand clicks of the cameras, the buzzing crowd that drowns the police station, or the hundreds of voices that yell at you to look at them.
(name) (last name), now formally adopted by bruce wayne, would be (name) wayne. it wouldn't be a shock that your sudden appearance as the child of a scandalous relationship between a prostitute and a billionaire would cause immense reactions. news would be spreading left and right, most of which were negative on your side.
he had to shield you from the crowd of photographers and journalists itching their way to the crowd to get a glance on you.
yet you didn't display any discomfort. you had only sat on the car obediently, fastening your seatbelts robotically and ignoring the lenses that unsettlingly tried to poke through the car windows to take pictures of you.
you were more like batman than you were bruce.
alfred had tried to get you communicate with questions like, "how are you over there, master (name)?" yet you would only mumble unintelligible responses to his questions without any ounce of emotion. he had to look at the rear view mirror to take in your stiff form. again, your eyes were set on nothing, even if they were casted down on the carpeted floorboards of the car.
when he had first met bruce, that child was overflowing with anger and vengeance for his parent's killer, yet you, who refused to explain your mother's disappearance, are devoid of anything.
the silence was defeaning throughout the ride. the only comfort that was provided was the rain that began to patter against the glass windows.
alfred throught you would retain the same behavior the entire day.
yet it was only when you first walked up the steps of the manor did your demeanor change, fingers immediately reaching up to hold the cuffs of his sleeves, pulling it as if you were hesitant to step in.
the first emotion you had shown him was concern, like a switch had flickered you out of your trance. it was the first time in a while that alfred had to do a double take to check if what was happening was real.
"can you... hold my hand?" and it was the first time he had heard you speak, voice unnaturally scratchy from the lack of water. you stared at him with wide, doe eyes that refused to blink, waiting for answers. alfred had to gaze at your entire body to finally notice that you were covered head to toe in sloppy bandages with blood seeping through the grime-filled gauze. your shoes were worn, your clothes were ripped, and other uncovered scars littered your body.
the most conspicuous color on your shirt was crimson red.
yet you do not display pain.
a child, five years of age, had been through more than enough anguish to know how to block their pain out.
you were unlike the rest, truly, you were unwavering of the world's cruelty.
the world does not deserve someone like you.
alfred takes it in himself to always hold your hand after that.
through the mansion doors, inside the kitchen, on your way to school; whenever and wherever, as long as he had time.
even if it were filled with scars and bruises, dirt and grime, he will always hold your hand if it meant guiding you through the darkness of the manor.
you may not consider yourself bruce's child, but you will always be alfred's.
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another knock on your door had you snapping out of your trance. time passed by so quickly in the manor. well, it does when you have nothing to do but stare at your diary, draw on your sketchbook or scroll through your phone. yet time would always be the quickest whenever you drown in your own misery.
"come in," you croak out, aware that it would only be alfred who would come by your room. it was long ago since you had given up on awaiting for dick's visits.
a turn of the knob, then the door swings quietly; the hinges creak, you need them oiled sooner. alfred walks in, you notice he holds a tray that contains two cupcakes and a plate of your favorite dish, but you don't notice the small box with a bow hidden skillfully from the back of the tray. from over your seat, you could already smell the aromatic herbs that flutter in the room and see the colorful frosting from both cupcakes; an already lit candle sticking in from one.
the candle at least provides just a split second of light inside your dim room; the moonlight just like your family, absent.
alfred graciously places the tray on your nightstand, on the left of your diary. your room was still too silent.
you could only hear yourself.
"master (name), are you simply going to sit there and stare? or would you rather i spoonfeed you like i had when you had broken your wrist?"
you blink it out again, oblivious to your very own hyperawareness. alfred's still here. you hope that, in the presence of darkness, he wouldn't see just how much of a mess you are. how your hands could barely grip onto anything, hair unwashed, face stained with tears, difficulty breathing through the buildup of mucus, foot tapping up and down erratically— you wished he would pretend to be blind about your suffering for just this once.
"no—" came your sudden reply, "i can- yeah, i can eat by myself."
it's harder to lie to yourself than it is to others.
he looks at you with doubt, it makes you shiver.
despite you wishing for company inside the manor, you could never be used to attention. it would never be normal for someone like you. though, you wish it was. you wish you never hesitated when someone gives you attention.
you hear your mattress creak, there's a dip on your bed. alfred sits beside you, only then did you realize just how quickly you lean into his side, craving for warmth in the solace of your empty room.
everything hurts, it truly does.
you wish you were strong enough to cease the sudden burst of tears when his one hand circles your shoulder and the other holds the cupcake with a candle near your face. and you wish that you weren't so weak in the presence of another, trying to find a semblance of your worth in their attention.
you at least try to stifle your sobs—
"happy birthday, master (name)."
— but you were always weak, yet alfred never seems to mind, patting your back to console you from your wailing.
you blow the fire out with a single promise to yourself, crying a bit more when alfred had given you a gift box, laced with a ribbon of your favorite color.
it was one of the few gifts you would cherish, fondness seeping into the cracks of your heart.
though it wouldn't erase the bitterness that fills your being either way, knowing your family is still downstairs, unaware of the anguish the torment that they have put you through— it's still enough to let you hate alfred a little less.
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"alfred?"
it was your meek voice, one that was always drowned out by the sound of the dishes clanking.
"yes, master (name)?" yet alfred could always strain out the sound of anything just to hear your talk. after all, you were a silent kid throughout your childhood.
"—if i move out of this place; would promise you wouldn't forget about me?"
... (name) wayne was full of surpises.
even at the ripe age of seventeen, and in the near fourteen years of raising you, alfred could never predict your words nor your actions.
you had always said things spontaneously, carrying an aura of awkwardness in your tone, reminiscent of someone who had their personal growth (moreover their social life) stunted.
but now, with the way you had said your resolve so confidently, it felt like he was looking at a different version of you; all the more confident and resilient.
except... you were behind him when you had said that - so he wasn't really looking at you - eating the first batch of his cookies whilst he was polishing the dishes with a cloth.
when he had turned around to look at you, though, you were still the socially inept child he knows and love, sitting on the breakfast bar and twirling around the stool as you attempt to not get crumbs everywhere. you were still so young in his eyes.
it's just, the way you had looked at him expectedly like you needed his approval that shocked him. it was always your eyes that had expressed the most emotions, glazing with anticipation for his response.
he knows it when you lie, and right now, you were dead serious in your resolve.
alfred had to relax the crease on his brows before he ages faster than he already is.
"well, master (name)," he continues, turning back to wiping the dishes clean before he could fully face you. "i would fully support you in your... journey, but what warranted you to be suddenly motivated on moving out?"
alfred had finished setting aside the dishes, but he still doesn't look back.
"i mean, i thought i already told you? i have a scholarship for college but it's on the other side of gotham and...
— i kind of don't want to be chauffeured by a limo around the campus everyday, you know? so the next best thing is to get a dorm."
alfred knows it when you lie. and right now, your hesitance tells him everything he needs to know.
you may have proved a point, but that point was an entire lie. with a person name wayne flaunting across a city whilst riding a limousine, you might find yourself into more trouble than anything else.
but he had always been the one to pick you up and drop you off from elementary and halfway through your highschool life— and you never seemed to mind until now.
it doesn't take a genius to know that you had already deviced a full plan of moving out and taken it into action; all you had to do was confront the only man in the manor who had cared about you enough to raise you about your worries.
it wasn't enough to convince him to let you go, though, especially not right after an incident that had occured prior to you highschool life. if he allows you to gain independence in gotham, he wouldn't know how long you would last.
but when he looks back at you again, he couldn't bring it in himself to oppose to your whims. you need a new environment; one that provides you a way to gain independence and, most preferably, social skills. staying cooped up in a manor with barely anybody talking to you does more harm than good.
and being ignored by your own family for almost fourteen years wouldn't be a great way to celebrate your already nearing eighteenth birthday.
alfred doesn't want to admit it, but if he keeps you here any longer, you would never grow up. one person could only do so much.
he whips out a sigh, looking at you with resignation in his eyes. but you know it in yourself that he swears his life on the promise.
"master (name)," he walks over to you, eyes darting at the cookie crumbs that litter around your mouth making a note to scold you on your manner later. he sits directly in front of you, hand patting your head as you merely stare at him expectedly.
"i have raised you for almost fourteen years, it's like you are my very own child. i would never forget you." he takes your hands in his. "but you have to also promise me to stay safe out there, master (name). call me once you're there."
alfred would find a way to get you to come back eventually, even if it meant utilizing your family's neglect, which was primarily the reason why you had moved out on the first place.
he just hopes you wouldn't connect the dots and pin the blame on him once you're back and safe in the manor.
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and now, it had only been months since you had gotten away from the manor. he was proud of your development, of your choice and overall, you, but he wouldn't lie and say he doesn't miss you.
he misses hearing your voice directly, the line on the phone being too blotchy to properly hear you. he misses it when he would sit on your bed as your only audience whilst he watches you paint on your canvases, drawling on and on about highschool's latest drama. he misses it when you would always be the first to taste his dishes, face lighting up whenever the food was seasoned up; now he has to constantly remind you to eat a nutritious diet, even offering to send you money whenever you mention you were short on it.
in the good of your heart, you would always decline, even going as far to deny him of any liberty to track you down and bring you a meal himself.
alfred misses you.
does he regret allowing you your freedom? not really, no. but he knows it in himself that a greedy part of him prefers it if you were would visit the manor occasionally during your vacations, at least to bond with him. but you simply chose not to, even going as far to legally change your name once you had become eighteen so you wouldn't be associated with your father's last name.
but that wouldn't erase the past you had tried to meticulously cover.
(name) wayne may have been a name forcefully deleted off of the face of the internet, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have its conspiracies of its own. nobody knows who you are beyond the blurry, unsolicited pictures of you. it may have been a photograph of your back, or articles published in unknown websites and buried at the far end about a kid leaving a police station and entering through the fancy gates of the wayne manor.
and most importantly, you are a product of a one-night-stand.
but they don't know who the mother is, don't know your age, or where you come from, and what business bruce has with the woman to guarantee your adoption at the instance she had disappeared without warning.
your existence was a mystery most would like to solve. after all, it was your picture that was plastered all over the newspapers and articles, it was your name that journalists whisper and it was a silhouette of your face that the underground knows by heart. every known information about you was shared discretely yet efficiently like some sort of virus.
you were a target for interest, a large sum of money if they will. and alfred had taken it in his hands to make sure there would never be a repeat of what had happened before.
it was a clumsy mistake, one that cost you your memories, and one he swears on his life he'll never make again.
the first course of action he needs to arrange, which may seem difficult for most; he needs to confront bruce.
after all, your freedom is your doom.
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the wayne manor, in all its glory, could only be described as this palace overflowing his its abundant history and fame.
it was a castle that houses a boy who had lost his parents and became gotham's very own vigilante who stalks through the night to lessen the very evil that devours its citizens. it was the training grounds where the robins, sidekicks dressed in colorful attire, opposite to batman, were raised to be worthy enough to stand by the dark knight's side. but most importantly, it was a home for troubled children who were in their journey of their very own personal struggles.
yet even in its exterior splendour, it would always be innately overcome with loneliness.
for someone like bruce wayne, he embraces this desolation just as he embraces his alter-ego, batman, who wears a suit of black and dons an aura that demanded fear.
even if he carries the persona of 'brucie wayne' a ditsy, playboy who enjoys galas and sleeping with women every other night, he prefers solitude over the sea of interviewers who throng around him like he was a piece of meat.
it would be the only time he could focus on his countless of stacked paperworks to sign and his plans to ransack another criminal's master plan.
before winter could cover gotham in its sheet of pure, white coldness, rain would always terrorize the skies. he finds this the perfect atmosphere; dark grey clouds prevent the sun from peaking through, droplets of rain would pelt against the vast windows that surrounds his study, and there was enough background noise to block out any sounds that would pass through the door.
bruce wayne was focused on his work, and that meant disturbance wasn't allowed inside the manor. thankfully, it was a quiet, uneventful afternoon today.
in fact, it was all too abnormally quiet.
his scarred hands work through signing papers effiently and effortlessly, practiced fingers signing papers after he would meticulously scan over the paragraphs of texts that scale from business deals to partnerships to buying a piece of land. then later, once the moon rises, he would have to patrol with damian and disrupt another drug trade that had been recently dealing with children on the alleys of gotham.
that means he has to sign or reject at least half of the papers before evening falls through, so he could have alfred send them over through the post office tomorrow morning.
he was at least a quarter way through his work, though, when his flow was disrupted by a courteous knock by the mahogany doors.
he didn't have to look up or ask who it was, knowing it was alfred, his butler.
"master bruce, i have your tea ready, along with news to bare," bruce could hear the tone of urgency and a tinge of sullenness in alfred's voice. it was rare for alfred to be emotionally distressed, as he was typically the most composed out of everyone in the family.
"come on in, alfred," bruce's vocal chords were gruff, raspy whenever he's too engrossed in whatever he was doing.
but he was piqued at the news alfred was eager to share, the butler expertly turning the knob and entering with a tray that holds a hot serving of tea.
bruce stopped signing the papers, putting down his pen as he watches alfred, composed as always, place the tray down on his desk, not a single clank that was produced from the metal sheets. he watches as alfred reflexively pours him a cup of tea.
it was only after that action that the two share eye contact, alfred stationing himself to the right of bruce's desk.
if he wasn't a detective, he wouldn't have noticed the furrow of alfred's brows, which was uncharacteristic of the composed butler.
he reckons he should address the elephant in the room.
"what is it that you want to tell me, alfred?" bruce swivels his chair to face alfred, fingers tapping the mahogany desk rhythmically.
"master bruce, i figured you should have known this for quite a long time ago, but your third child had moved out on their own and now lives at the opposite side of gotham. right now, they may have been struggling to make ends meet."
huh?
"what do you mean, alfred? you're aware that tim is currently living in the manor—"
"no, master, i am talking about your third, not fourth child; master (name)."
... (name)?
ah, his... other child.
alfred looks at his seated form, expecting the befuddled reaction from bruce.
it doesn't take long for bruce to recover from his thoughts, eyebrows furrowed the same way as alfred as he leans against his chair.
"and what of (name)? why was i not updated about them?"
alfred had to stifle a groan as he then glares at bruce with what he could suppose was exasperation.
"i had already told you about their leave months ago, master bruce. you had simply waved me off whenever the topic is of master (name)." the butler's glare hardened, reminiscent of the times where bruce was scolded as a child. and like a child, he doesn't know what he had done wrong.
"i feel it is time for you to take it into your hands to deal with master (name)'s situation right now. i do not have access to their location and just like you, they are stubborn and refuse to accept any financial aid that comes to them in any form—"
to make matters worse, alfred had the gall to stop midway into his explanation, sighing and blinking unnervingly which catches more than bruce's attention.
"they would rather not admit it, but if they were to fail to pay for this month's rent of their apartment, they would get evicted from their very own living space."
at pretty much the last sentence, bruce's gaze hardened. not at alfred, no, but at the thought of you; his... forgotten child. if it was money that you need, why had you not ask for any allowance in the first place? bruce would admit that, well, it had been too long since he had last seen your face, nor even... remember it—
but you were still a child of his and he wouldn't deny you of an allowance if it meant persuing your... highschool or college dreams...?
shit, what grade are you in?
why didn't he know you moved out in the first place? wait—
"alfred, how long has it been since they had last moved out?"
"roughly six or seven months ago, master."
"ah, but having a place of your own as a minor would be prohibited by law."
"master bruce, they're eighteen. they're old enough to live in their own apartment."
eighteen years old...? how long had it been since he had last seen or heard of you? if what alfred had said was true, that the butler had attempted to reach out to him about you, then why had he not remember in the first place? you were a quiet kid, sure, but for someone like bruce, people would always not be overlooked.
it wasn't in him to easily forget, but he hates how he couldn't muster up a single memory of your face— not even your hair color nor your eyes. did you even... exist in his eyes? there was not a single memory of you that he could come up in his head.
his child was eighteen now, how could he not have known in the first place? how could he not recollect a single birthday of yours? or any celebration or gala that had you in it?
alfred's sigh snapped him out of his trance once more.
bruce looked up, seeing resignation upon alfred's face. he simply stood there, posture straight as always, but bruce couldn't wash away the shame that cages his heart when there was not a single image of you that pops up in his mind— alfred's disappointment merely worsened
the tea in his desk had long since gone untouched, but bruce couldn't bring it in himself to drink a single drop of it, even if his lips were dried and his throat was begging for even a single droplet of water.
he denies himself of any relief.
"i figure i should leave you in your own, master bruce, to at least compose yourself before nightfall. please do take your child into consideration, though, enough time has passed since you have last seen them." alfred states, as if it was a matter of fact. and it was, bruce should've known about your leave, as your father and as the man who took you in, he should've.
so before the butler could even take a step, bruce hastily stands up from his seat, pen long since discarded on his desk and a quarter of the papers are now messily stacked upon each other, but bruce pays them no mind.
"take me to (name)'s room right now, i need to see things for myself."
if bruce couldn't even remember a single instance of you, then maybe a trip to your room would be enough for him to remember.
but if that doesn't work then... bruce would a find a way, he always would.
and as your father, he needs to at least support you, even financial no matter your stubbornness? even if the shame he feels right now is so immensely disturbing, and the migraine is quickly finding its way into his head— he needs to know more about you, his actual third child.
bruce wayne needs to see your face just once.
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reblogs and interactions are encouraged and appreciated.
a/n: 5k+ words. no beta, we die like jason todd with a crowbar. my least favorite part of writing the chapter is literally starting it. i had at least 5 drafts all lined up and it took me an hour in the bed to think about how should i start it. i literally hope you guys enjoy the chapter hehe, and start to yk, notice the patterns and the parallels between your perspective and bruce's perspective bec ur literally his child, u guys share some habits even if u never once talked to him lmao. the most emotionally draining scene was writing the birthday scene, i had to take breaks from typing it out hehe. bruce's descent to yandere-ism isn't as quick as dick's but it would be worst in the next chapter.
also, i hope you guys are able to notice the bad habits that the reader eventually collects because it's important for the next chapters. it would be better if anyone of u could... point them out in my asks or comments, i love rambling about it yk, and a lot of you are absolutely brilliant in making theories that are absolutely right. anyways, i hope u enjoy this chapter because this was one hell of a ride for me and i appreciate all the reblogs and comments despite me not replying to a lot of yall but u guys truly are my motivation so thank u lots :(((<33!
taglist: @lilyalone, @secretomelettetroops, @earlqurl, @simpingfor-wakasa, @amber-content, @ruiroku, @okaybutfullhomo, @trasshy-artist, @obsessedwithromance, @jjsmeowthie, @fairy-lenaa, @maicenitas, @ilovvmyhusband, @6uuyuuhgy, @plsfckmedxddy, @lavender-moony, @sweetheart-era, @chemicalsandghosts, @darling006, @starringyau, @rosecentury, @jaythes1mp, @pi1nkl0ver, @i-thirsty-boi, @sharks-r-cool-l, @silverklaus, @samanthathanes, @traumaramacenter, @maddimoon, @anxrq, @thedarknesslord, @h0rr0r-10ver-69, @lazy-idate, @googeecat44, @simpingfor-wakasa, @zvghfgn, @0patito0 (if i had forgotten to put any of u in a taglist please forgive me, it's hard to keep track !!)
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fairy-angel222 · 9 months ago
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𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐘 𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩
—how they breed you when you make them jealous
𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬: 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎, 𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈, 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈
𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: smut, degradation, praise, breeding, baby trapping, mean doms, choking, exhibitionism, hair pulling, rough sex, spit, daddy kink, hair pulling, somnophilia
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✮ 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎
What the fuck did you think you were doing? Gojo seethed to himself. Who the fuck were you with and why were his hands on you. What would seem to be a normal friendly hug had blue eyes glaring at you through the cafe’s window.
Gojo plastered on a fake smile, the bell ringing as he walked through the door. You looked up with a wide smile, “baby.” Gojo’s eye twitched as the man behind you smiled too, “Hey man, Y/n’s told me so much about you.”
You frowned as your boyfriend took the man’s hand in a bruising grip, giving it an unnecessarily hard shake. “And you are?” He questioned, forcing himself to keep up the nice guy act.
“Oh, i’m Haru, an old friend of y/n’s” Gojo scoffed internally, his arm making its way around your waist. “Well, Haru, we’ve got to go now,”
Waving bye to your friend, you bit your lip as you looked up at the white haired man, “are you mad?” Gojo scoffed, “Nope.. not at all.”
A lie.
You found yourself sprawled out on the back seat of Gojo’s car in the parking lot for anyone to see. Your legs were spread up in the air as Gojo took his anger out on your cunt.
Your eyes were wet with tears as your boyfriend hammered into you. “How many times do i have to fucking tell you, hmm baby?” He scowled. “How do I get it in your dumb little brain that you’re mine.”
Gojo’s bright eyes darkened as he sped up his pace, thick cock ramming into your g spot with every thrust. Your boobs bounced as your body rocked with his hips, the entire vehicle being moved from side to side.
“Gonna have to fuck a baby into you to drill it in your head.” He grunted, not slowing the movement of his hips until you were shaking for him. Your eyes blurry with tears as small ‘m sorry’s left your mouth
“Good. You should be. Show me you’re really sorry and take it yeah? Take it nice and deep.” he groaned, hips rolling roughly into yours.
Small babbles and hiccups echoed throughout the small car, your hand gripping tightly onto the side of the seat as your orgasm washed over you. “F-fuck,” you moaned, pussy tightening around him as you creamed.
Gojo smirked, bottoming out inside you as his eyes met yours, slender fingers pushing themselves past your lips and resting at the back of your tongue. “Gonna fill you up kay baby? Gonna let everyone know that you’re my little slut only.” he growled.
You shook your head in protest, your little waits muffled by his fingers. Gojo cursed, his eyes never leaving yours as he bred you deep. “There we go, gonna look so pretty carrying my baby.”
Your eyes widened when you heard a throat clear awkwardly. Scurrying to cover up but being held down by your boyfriend instead. Your cheeks flushed in embarrassment as you looked up to find Haru.
“U-uhm.. you f-forgot your sweater y/n.” His cheeks were beat red and his dick was strained against his pants. Never in a million years would he expect to see you like this.
Gojo grinned as he looked at the male, slowly pulling out of you to give your friend a sight of his cum leaking out of your swollen pussy. Haru’s breath hitched and Gojo’s head tilted. “Like what you see? Too bad you’ll never have it cause it’s mine.”
✮ 𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈
Silently watches as you innocently entertain two guys who were clearly flirting with you. How stupid could you possibly be. Pushing his glasses further up his nose, Nanami sighed. Did he always have to remind you that you belonged to him? You should have known that by now.
And you most certainly should have known that no man ever has innocent intentions. Getting up, Nanami walked up to you with a face void of any emotion. Tapping you twice on your back to indicate that it was time to go. You even had the audacity to tell the two men bye in your sickly sweet voice.
The ride home was silent.
You kept trying to strike up conversation but pouted when all you got in return were uninterested hums and nods. “Kentooo,” you whined. “Why won’t you talk to me?” you frowned. Your boyfriend simply glanced at you and scoffed. Watching as you rest your head against the car door and let your eyes close shut.
You woke up with a small whimper, soft moans falling past your lips. You felt so good, your pussy clenching around.. a cock?
Your eyes shot open to find Nanami in between your held up legs. His eyes dark as he hammered into you. His thick, veiny cock abusing your g spot as it fucked into your abdomen.
A loud mewl left your mouth as Nanami’s hand made its way around your neck. You felt so full, his cock stretching you out and forcing you to take him deep. Entire ten inches reaching deep within your belly. “K-kento.. so deep.” you whined.
Nanami grunted, tightening his grip on your neck to bully his entire cock into you. “I’m gonna fuck a baby into you, let you know who you who you fucking belong to.” He groaned, looking deep into your eyes with a glare.
You whimpered loudly, eyes blurry with tears as he fucked you dumb. “Nngh, ‘m cumming Kento, ‘m cumming so hard,” you sobbed, toes curling as you babbled out his name.
Nanami scowled as the thought of you with another man crossed his mind, his grip becoming a bruising one as he snapped his hips into yours at an unforgiving pace. “Fucking take it baby. This is exactly what you needed. Get it through your dumb head that you have an owner.” he spat, watching as you shook uncontrollably underneath him.
Screaming loudly as your body was rocked with his thrusts. Nanami groaned at the way you began to squirt, threatening to push his cock out at the mere pressure.
Stilling inside you, Nanami let his hot ropes of cum coat your insides. His hand around your neck finally loosening as he kept his cock plugged into your sopping cunt. You were his. Now you would have the stomach to show it.
✮ 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈
Watches with a smile as you dance. Taking note of all the men that were eyeing you like food. Eyeing you like you weren’t already owned. He was sat on the club’s couch with his legs crossed, arms spread out along the chair’s backrest and head tilted with a smirk. His eyes roamed his waist, his hips, and his ass. Every part of you was his.
And you knew that, you were just so oblivious to all the hungry stares directed at you. Toji stalks tall towards you. Towering over your figure and nodding towards the exit. Understanding that it was time to leave, you made your way outside to wait for your boyfriend in his vehicle.
Five minutes passed and you frowned in worry. Where was he? Your thoughts were cut off by the driver’s car door slamming shut. Toji using a rag to wipe blood off his bruised knuckles.
“Toji-” before you could open your mouth to speak, you received a warning glance from your boyfriend to keep your mouth shut. You swallowed hard, wondering what the hell your boyfriend had gotten into. Especially since he was smiling like a maniac as he drove.
At home, you found yourself on your hands and knees, loud moans and mewls spilling past your plump, drool filled lips.
Toji’s thick cock pounded into you hard. His hips snapping roughly into yours. Rough hands held your hips in a bruising grip, his cock forcing its way deep into your tight hole and ramming into your g spot with each movement.
You let out a loud cry, the flesh of your ass shaking with each contact. “F-fuck— d-daddy, nngh, feels so good,” you whined, a yelp leaving your mouth as you were yanked up by your hair. Your back flat against his chest allowing him to fuck you even deeper.
Toji had one hand tangled in your hair, the other held your throat. Your whimpers and moans echoing in the small room as your pussy squelched lewdly. Toji’s smirk never faltered, kissing up your neck and to your ear.
You clenched hard when he groaned softly, deep voice rasping in your ear “Fuck you’re taking daddy so good, gonna fill you up with another Fushiguro hmm? Gonna look so hot all round and swollen with my son. Your tits leaking with milk for daddy to take care of you. Does my little slut want that?”
You whimpered loudly at his words, clenching down on his cock as heat built up in your stomach. “Mhm, wanna feel you deep. Wan’ carry your baby so bad.” you mewled. Eyes rolling back as Toji rolled his hips up into yours.
Toji brought his teeth down on your skin hard, nearly drawing blood as you moaned. Pulling your head back even further, Toji leaned down to press his lips against yours, sloppily swallowing your moans before pulling away with a string of saliva connecting your lips.
Your mouth hung open in short pants, your boyfriend letting a thick glob of his spit fall onto your tongue. “Fuck, gonna show all these assholes that you’re mine yeah? They probably won’t even live to see it.” You let out a silent scream, feeling Toji’s cock absolutely destroying your gummy walls.
“O-oh fuck, d-daddy, ahh,” you moaned, body trembling as you reached your orgasm. “Gonna cum, fuck, gon’ cum on your cock.” Little incoherent chants of his name falling past your lips.
“Cum f’me baby, make a fucking mess.” He groaned, tightening his hold on your neck as your slick dripped down his cock with one final cry. “There we go,” he grunted, thrusts getting sloppy as he buried himself deep inside you, ropes after ropes of sticky cum painting your guts white.
Your knees felt weak as you came down from your high. Eyes fluttering closed as you steadied your breathing.
“Now, who do you belong to, baby?”
“You.. i belong to you,”
“Good girl. Might even keep my cock in you so that you don’t spill any of daddy’s cum.” He chuckled, knowing full well that he was being serious.
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isaut · 2 years ago
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can i please be HELD
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gemstone-roses · 1 year ago
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Keep me warm
Summary: reader is terrified of storms, soaking wet, she shows up at hannibals door, terrified and needing comfort. Size kink. Cock warming.
Warnings: 18 plus only. NSFW, descriptions of a panic attack, cock warming, size kink, smut, hurt/comfort. You know the drill.
A:N- thankyou for requesting this I have been thinking about this scenario ever since! Hope your okay! Much love ❤️. I know you said you'd be fine with hc but you get a whole fic instead🥰 also I got rained on so much last week and now I'm full of cold I HATE this time of year ugh. I hope you like this I really do 🥰🥰
This might be one of my favourite things I've written.
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You regret every decision you've made leading up to this point.
Grey clouds gather above you, you look up, wincing.
You thought you could make it home before the rain. Only wearing a light jacket, definitely not equipped for the kind of weather about to unleash on your head.
Fuck you whisper, hands clenching as thunder rolls in.
You shove your jacket off and hold it above your head in a pathetic attempt to retain at least a bit of dignity. You know you can't make it home with the storm, your anxiety already heightening with every crack you hear.
But you can make it to hannibal.
He's the only one who knew of your fear. Having to reveal it one day when you were both on the way to a crime scene.
The rain falls hard on the front of the car, wipers working overtime to clear it, your amazed hannibal can even see through the haze of rain. Your breath hitches as you hear the beginnings of a storm. You hoped he didn't notice. But this is hannibal. Of course he did. He glances over at you, sees your chest heaving and pulls over.
"Y/N" he says softly, shifting in his seat to face you.
But the rain is coming down so fast and hard and it's like you can feel it, in your soul. Your head spins as you try and take a deep breath. Hannibal places his hand on your thigh and squeezes, once again calling your name. When you don't look at him, he reaches out and grips your chin gently.
His face is flooded with concern
"I- can't
You push your hand into your chest, trying to ease the weight that's settled there.
"I know, I know, y/n, keep your eyes on me, okay?" Hannibal soothes.
You force yourself to keep looking at him, his big hand still rests cupping your chin, applying a slight pressure.
"Good" he smiles, hannibal weighs up the options in his head. Getting out of the car is out of the question, and he asks "do you trust me?" And you nod, so hannibal unclips your belt and says "Come here" before pulling you onto his lap. He immediately holds you tight, pushing you into his chest. "It'll be over soon my love" he soothes as he holds you against him. You can hear his heart beat as you lay on him, and eventually it calms you.
By the time you knock frantically at his door, your positively soaking wet, teeth chattering, tears blending in with the rain running down your face.
Hannibal opens the door and your hit instantly with a wall of warm. His brow furrows in concern as he takes in your state.
"S-storm" you mutter, looking down at the floor before you feel two hands wrap around your waist and pull you into the house.
Hannibal immediately pulls you into his embrace, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead. You shrink into his embrace, his presence beginning to melt away the fear you felt.
Shivers rack your body, cold setting in, hannibal holds you tighter.
'I've got you' he says.
"Come on, let's get you warmed up hm?" His hand comes to cup your face as he speaks.
He leads you to the lounge, where the fire is roaring.
"Let's get out of those wet clothes my love" he says, his hands rest lightly on your waist. Waiting.
You look at him, his eyes blown wide, hannibal swallows visibly.
"Would you like me to leave while you change?" He asks.
"No" you whisper.
Hannibal lifts your soaking shirt over your head. His breath catches in his throat as he does, lips parted slightly as he takes you in.
You slip out of your pants just as hannibal places the dry shirt over your head. It falls just below your knees.
Hannibal runs his fingers over your neck "you, are exquisite" he says, slightly breathless.
Heat rises to your face, warming you. Your still shivering slightly though, and hannibal of course, notices.
"Come here" he whispers, sitting down on the sofa and pulling you on top of him.
You let out a moan as you feel his cock against you, sitting deliciously against your core.
Hannibals cock hardens even more at the noise you made.
"Your still colder than I'd like darling" he says seriously, running his hands up and down your exposed thigh.
"Mm" is all you manage to say.
"I was working on my memory palace, when you knocked"
"M sorry" you mutter, ducking your head.
Hannibal tuts, lifting your chin to look at him.
"No, do not apologise, but, I do need to finish my thoughts" he says as his cock twitches.
"How about we stay like this until I'm done hm? And then I'll cook and you can spend the night?" He asks.
You nod.
"Words, darling" hannibal says sternly.
"Yes" you breathe out.
You shift slightly, his clothed cock pushing against you making you drip with need.
Hannibal grips your hips and stills you.
"Not until I'm finished" he grins. Before pushing you back slightly so he can free his cock from his pants.
You watch in awe as his thick cock springs up against his stomach.
Hannibal places his hands back on your hips before guiding you to sit on his cock.
You close your eyes, pleasure overtaking you as he sinks inside.
"No my love, you keep your eyes on me" he says, his voice gravelly.
"Hanni, please" you whisper, his cock filling you stretching you so good.
He ignores you. Continuing his thoughts as he twitches his cock every now and then inside you.
He keeps one hand gripping your chin, looking at him as you warm his cock.
"You feel so good, sitting on my cock like this, so perfect" he says.
Your chest heaves at his words.
"M so full, please, I need you" you choke out, feeling every ridge of his cock inside you, he pushed himself up on the couch slightly, causing him to hit another spot inside you.
"Fuck" you cry out.
Hannibal smirks, before wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into him. He begins to trace small patterns on your back.
"Hanni, it feels so good" you whisper into his chest, clenching around him.
"I know my love, just a bit longer I promise, your doing so well for me".
You whine at his words, and hannibal keeps talking to you like that, you relax into him, his cock still snug inside you as he holds you, warming you up, as you warm his cock.
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boarcide · 1 year ago
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Anon mentioned the panel of Akutagawa holding his friend's frozen corpse, and I can see why. The one hand against their pulse and the other one holding their shoulder almost looks like a hug. Like he's carefully holding them close, probably already aware they've passed in their sleep rather than trying to shake them awake in desperation. It's far from animalistic--it's tender. It's human. And I think when holding a dead loved one with your hands, with the understanding that your friend died next to you while you both slept, that you were in a close proximity to death itself--the only logical way you can confront that is by through a disconnect from grief. I don't think anger, or sadness, or even a clinical detachment would allow you to hold somebody like that. It's love and it's grief even if it's all forcibly shoved down because he has other people to take care of.
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I have so many thoughts about how Akutagawa was so painfully tender with not just Gin but with the friends he cared about. In the events up until they got ambushed and killed, Akutagawa had shown his affection and care in the only way he knew how; making sure they stayed safe by any means necessary. He maimed an adult because the adult held his friends hostage with a knife to his neck and threatened the others. He sat away from the fire they made so that the rest of the group could huddle closer for warmth. He made them pack up quickly so they could leave soon because it put them at risk to be caught--the mission he did with Kunikida revolving around Child Trafficking and the fact that he knew exactly what to look out for helps further imply he kept them safe from child traffickers. While violence as a first instinct makes you no more than an animal, I don't think there is anything more human than ensuring the safety and comfort of those you care for, especially above your own.
This entire thing about Akutagawa's perception of himself is more tragic when you think of this the exact same time you realize that the same people he took care of may have contributed to his belief of being less than human:
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"He lived with them, eight or so companions in the same circumstances as he, in the fields.
They spoke ill of him, the boys and girls of his own age who were also his companions. Behind their hands, they whispered thus..."he has no feelings."
"...Many of the adults also murmured, "That devil's child has no heart."
I say that because Akutagawa makes a direct comparison between having emotions and being human.
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"I feel hatred
I am no longer a dog.
I have become a human being, with feelings of my own."
Because BEAST only starts with Akutagawa's life at 14, when he meets Dazai--because the rest of it are just a glimpse, a summary to his rampage-- we don't actually know a lot about him. We don't know much of anything other than the brief glimpses that are revealed to us. Akutagawa was still a child. I'm sure it's not just a one time occurrence. I'm sure he's internalized the idea that he's somehow more akin to a dog or a beast because it's been hammered into him that he is anything but human. Children are rather perceptive but I doubt any adult bothered hiding their disdain of him. I doubt he came to the conclusion that he's like a dog because he can't emote or feel emotions like others do by himself.
The very opening in BEAST and the implications of The Heartless Cur about Akutagawa constantly stuck in a dissociated state as a child in the slums does incomprehensible levels of damage to my brain. Living in a state where you're always starving, always fighting for scraps, being beaten by adults, waking up next to dead friends, having to maim or potentially kill at such an early age, escaping from traffickers so often, etc. are all so horrific that it's no wonder why he was called a child without emotions. Having to experience the grief, pain, and terror as it comes and goes in his situation would be a kind of hell that would be impossible to survive. Part of his brain probably shut itself off to avoid any more pain and distress. I have so many thoughts about it. There is something extremely heartbreaking about how despite living completely dissociated from his emotions, and possibly pain --to the point that he stared off into empty space while being beaten, or couldn't even express enjoyment at warm meals-- his priority had always been taking care of and protecting Gin and his friends. The one panels where he (gently, i have to mention) holds his friend that had frozen to death in their sleep, and him cutting a man's arm off for harming his friends imply that he either had the responsibility or took it upon himself to deal with the difficult and dangerous stuff. I am in the trenches losing the idgaf war
Akutagawa, upon feeling rage and hatred for the first time, thinks, "I've gained the ability to feel. Therefore, I'm no longer a heartless cur." Implies that he probably didn't see himself as anymore human than anybody other adult, which, considering that is all he had been called, he probably internalized. His friends were capable of smiling and experiencing joy with each other and also capable of experiencing sadness too. Did he ever look at his friends having fun and think something was wrong with him to be unable to feel anything or express it if he did? How did he feel looking at his sister--his other half, the most important person - while trying his best to take care of her and be the best for her while not being all there? How does it affect him now? So many questions and I'm going insane about it. Sorry for dumping this onto you but I needed a victim
Anon, have mercy on me
I think that Gin is such an important part of Ryuunosuke's character exactly for that. It is impossible to transcend from it– if you forget about her, you're just failing to comprehend Ryuunosuke. Gin is literally the only factor that keeps Ryuunosuke human. We see him lash out and we see him howl and we see him being beaten up and we see him act with not an ounce of reason; for most of the story, we see nothing of Ryuunosuke but a rabid animal. But I think the moment he shows to truly care about Gin, that's the moment the reader starts perceiving him as human, as well as the moment we start feeling sympathy for him. Unexpectedly and unpredictably, he shows a side of him that isn't violent and bestial, a side of him that is caring, that is loving towards a family member, something that is easy to relate to; then, even him can be human. Even in the slums, even when everything else of him seems numb and detached and heartless, he still cared for his family first. He still made flowers with his ability and retaliated against anyone who mistreated his siblings. When one of his friends got hurt, he carried them on his back. When a dog killed his friend, he mercilessly slaughtered all the dogs in the vicinity. What's that, if not the only way someone who never knew anything but violence and pain has left to express love?
Of course Ryuunosuke had internalized his being not human, of course he believes that. Of course he's the first who considers himself a dog. But that's what makes Ryuunosuke's character development so meaningful, isn't it? Isn't that true that it wouldn't result as impactful if such a strong ability to hate and such a strong ability to love didn't come from a place of true incapacity to feel? It is, alright, a simplistic perspective, but Ryuunosuke's story really is the succession of quests that have him gain emotions, and with every new one he becomes a little more human, till he's reached the fulfillment of his being. Maybe love really is the ultimate thing that makes us human.
#its hard to swallow all this when you think about how he wasnt even 14#he got beat sensless by many adults and im sure it was easier for the adults when they didnt view him as human or a child#because a child that doesnt show child like qualities & stares into nothing like a dog that had been trampled to death waiting to die#surely cant be a child or a human. so he is neither to them#and you know how kids dont mean to be malicious because they arent aware of the concept of malice--#--but the things they do or how they react is undoubtedly cruel?#talking behind somebody's back and calling them emotionless could be an innocent observation but god im sure#im sure Akutagawa was aware of it. he was stupidly aware of his surroundings at all times of course he heard it#and between his numbness and disconnect with his emotions and observing his family express and feel genuine emotion#he started questioning his humanity#adults and friends can tell you anything and with enough badgering and repitition your child self will believe it and take it to heart#its like how atsushi doesnt view himself as worthy to live until he saves lives because thats what the headmaster drilled into him#akutagawa didnt believe he was human until he experienced emotion#the difference is simply that atsushi has a person to blame this on#akutagawa cannot blame every adult and child for his self worth#ryūnosuke akutagawa#bungou stray dogs beast#bungou stray dogs#character analysis#im rambling bullshit again on someone elses post im sorry
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indepthjaybeats · 8 months ago
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randombush3 · 18 days ago
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recuérdame
alexia putellas x reader
summary: you wake up but you're not sure where
words: 1185 (treat this like a prologue ok x)
notes: i hope this actually takes off as a new series so i'm posting it now while i think about what comes next xx
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There’s something groggy about the darkness in your mind. It’s not an eyes-closed kind of black; not a piece of white paper doused in ink. 
It’s thick like smog. Grainy. 
And all of a sudden, you are awake. 
There’s an incessant pounding in your mind that is sharp and rhythmic. The lights are too harsh, too much. The bed is hard under your heavy bones. 
You blink and even that small movement is strange, harder than it should be. 
The ceiling is peppered with small, grey dots. It’s terribly ugly, but your eyes cling to it as you try to shake off the haze. 
Slowly, the rest of the room comes into focus: sterile whites, beeping machines, tubes splaying out across what must be your body but feels like deadweight. The steady noise draws your attention after a moment, the sound seeming to echo inside your head. You turn, neck stiff and crunching, to catch a glimpse of a monitor, green lines spiking across its screen. 
The tubes aren’t just on top of you. They must be inside you. 
Something twists in your stomach. 
“You’re… awake.” 
No one really knows what to say to Alexia when she receives the call. 
Training is running over, the sun is beginning to set, and the girls are getting restless. The drill is nothing special, and the boredom it brings infects their captain, too, despite her valiant attempts at maturity. 
Alexia wants to get home, tonight of all nights. 
Five days ago, a work trip left her alone with a daughter that isn’t quite hers. There has been an other-mother shaped hole in the family ever since. Madrid continues to be evil. Her Catalan pride is vindicated once more. 
So when Pere blows his whistle, she all but sprints into the changing room (much to her coach’s dismay, since training ended because he assumed no one could run at that speed anymore), image of picture-perfect leadership be damned. 
Her shower is fast, clothes are shoved on even faster, and she is just about to walk through the automatic exit doors when her phone rings. 
A location update, she assumes. Or a complaint from an impatient tweenager (god, they seem to be fountains of those). 
It’s to her horror that she is incorrect. 
The nurse on the other line is eerily calm, but does not waste time beating around the bush. Her instructions are clear: come to the hospital now. 
“I think my fiancée has just died,” Alexia tells no one in particular. 
The team isn't sure whether or not she is joking. 
That was a week ago, and now she is here, in the hospital. Her bum is accustomed to the hard plastic chairs, her schedule skewed until the doctors finally wake you up from a medically induced coma. Amaia, her stepdaughter, is at her friend’s house, the boy’s mother insisting she care for her while Alexia makes a rather practical visit to the hospital. 
Alexia’s hands shake as she brings them to her face, rubbing her temples. The past week has been wrapped around her like a noose, suffocating and taut. She’s holding herself together but she is doing an uncharacteristically catastrophic job at it. Her mind is still tangled up in the phone call she’d received – and the many others she’d had to make after the nurse had hung up. Although there has been a swarm of activity (flights landing, taxis to the hospital, meals arriving at her front door with well-meaning notes attached), life has felt still. Stagnant. 
She is stuck in something she doesn’t know how to deal with. 
She closes her eyes for a second and inhales with as much steadiness as she can muster, letting the beeping of your monitor anchor her back to the present. It’s a strange sound to feel grateful for, each pulse a reminder that you are still here. With her. 
They have been gradually reducing the sedatives administered to you, making the answer to her question always ‘she will wake up when she wakes up’. The twitches in your finger have grown old now, and she is becoming very impatient. 
“If you wanted a holiday, we could’ve taken time off,” she tells you with a forced chuckle. “You didn’t need to get yourself into a…” 
You shift slightly in the bed. Alexia’s eyes snap open, her body surging upwards in hope. 
“Come on…” she whispers, her voice barely audible. “Please…”
Your eyelids flutter, hesitant, like they’re testing the weight of the world behind them. She hopes: at least it’s something. 
And it could be more, surely? It should be any minute now, according to the doctors. The wait will be over and she can get you back.
It’s been fifteen days since Alexia saw the eyes she fell in love with. 
Words fall out of her mouth but she barely registers them, staring at you listlessly, unprepared for this moment. She had thought about it, of course, imagining how to go about updating you on what you’ve missed: how Amaia’s match yesterday ended in a draw; how her own was a sizable but unsatisfying win. 
She wants to say things she should say more. Reminders, confessions. She wants to let out the anger that you did this to her; that you left, that you didn’t come back. And how she wants to hold you, kiss you, love you even more.
But the first thing Alexia notices behind bleary eyes is terror. Confusion. And, what she had told herself would not happen: a lack of recognition. 
I’m in a hospital, you think, but I don’t know who is here with me. 
The moment stretches on, thin and frail, and Alexia feels the tautness in her stomach like a rope holding dead weight over a cliff. Her heart – bruised, aching, impatient – is pierced by the way you look at her with poorly-masked indifference. 
“Hi,” she tries, waiting for you to come back fully, wanting to skip the part where it hurts so much. Her hand reaches out, hovering above your own, fingers aching to touch you, but she holds back. “Do you know where we are?” 
She should really call the nurse in, but she can’t quite bring herself to disrupt this. 
Your eyes flicker, glancing at the tubes and machines. The mattress hasn’t gotten any softer, nor your body any lighter. “Hospital,” you whisper, throat scratchy and hoarse. The word appears in your mind as almost foreign, coming from somewhere deeper than the blankness of the surface. Then your gaze drifts back to her, the hopeful woman at your bedside, brows furrowing as you struggle to place her into a life you can’t quite recall. Not that you’ve tried; you’ve got a screaming headache. 
The question on your lips twists Alexia’s insides. She anticipates it, with an instinctiveness that almost frustrates you. “I’m Alexia,” she says. She doesn’t sound sure. 
You stare through her and the distance clutches at her neck. Her nightmare lands, cold and final. 
“I’m… sorry. I don’t,” and like how she knows the question, she is well aware of the end of that sentence. 
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