#happy valentine's week honey <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[gothsuguru]

black is the color of my true love’s hair

♡ your devotion to suguru is second to none — you would do anything for your beloved! bonded by true love, loyalty, & utter admiration, these are a few moments where suguru has been unbelievably thankful for you & smitten by your acts of love & service!

contents: f!reader, no curses au, reader is short/blushes/has hair that can be ran through with fingers! slightly suggestive, cursing, mentions of depression/anxiety/self-destructive behaviors. but i promise this is a soft, fluffy fic! it’ll make sense when you read it! dividers are from @saradika! w.c: ~ 11.5k

a/n: (happy) belated birthday fic for my beloved husband! <3 the title of the fic is a lyric from “black is the colour” by celtic woman, it’s a very loving & devotional song so i wanted to do a story based on those themes! p.s. this is my first time ever writing an actual fic & it got a bit long because i got carried away, but i hope you enjoy! happy valentine’s day! <3 MWAH!

it’s a simple action, really.

you tilt your head slightly to the right and lift your face up to gaze adoringly at him through your lashes, a mirthful twinkle dancing in your eyes. a soft smirk coupled with a light blush adorns your angelic features, a precious look, which suguru has come to be utterly enchanted by due to the loving action that follows immediately after.

you catch him off guard the first time you do it.

the first time you kiss suguru’s knuckles, he falters.

it’s the way that you do it. naturally & effortlessly, as if it’s like second nature, that causes suguru to stop in his tracks and dedicate all of his attention to you.

his mesmerizing gaze is directed at you, molten gold eyes inquisitive. irrevocably fond.

he attentively watches as you softly grab his large warm hand in your small cold one. his hands are slightly rough yet supple due to his religious use of the honey-almond handcream you bought him earlier in the week.

he notices, rather than intertwining your fingers with his own and holding them, you smoothly bring his hand up to your face, wrapping your digits loosely around the perimeter of his long slender fingers.

your thumb gingerly caresses his ring finger (the one that holds a devout vow of eternal love), your featherlight touch raising wonderful shivers across his body. with the utmost care, you delicately — as if he’s made out of precious china, brush your supple glossed lips against his fingers, relishing in the coolness of his promise ring that encases both his aquamarine birthstone & your own.

your low-lidded enamored eyes never leave his affectionately curious ones — both of you preciously holding the other ones gaze, eyes locked in a staring contest of love.

utterly content with his undivided attention, you gently press a soft kiss to his knuckles.

a sign of affection.

an act, a promise, of complete & utter devotion.

his pierced eyebrow raises slightly due to the suaveness of your actions. he tries to gather his bearings, his brain fuzzy with your actions — did you actually just do that?

suguru’s amber eyes widen significantly, soft black eyelashes fluttering like raven wings against the tan of his cheek that’s blushed with a hue of raspberry red. mouth slightly ajar in surprise, his silver lip ring glints like starlight in the sunset daze of the evening, while his pierced tongue is pressed against his own cheek to stop himself from becoming a bumbling, stuttering mess.

if he speaks — he wholeheartedly believes all that’ll tumble out of his lips will be unabashedly fervent divulgances of: “i love you. i love you. i love you.”

adoration blooms out of his ribcage like a meadow of daffodils, sweetness enveloping around his heart, soft ivory petals and sage green tendrils wrapping themselves delicately over his bones. he reckons that if you couldn’t hear his heartbeat hammering out of his chest before, you definitely can now.

it’s almost as if his brain is in clouds of cotton candy, his mind in a sweet haze of shock, love, & affection when he finds himself whispering airily, “why’d you do that?”

tenderly stroking away silky strands of ink-black hair that wisp around his ethereal face, the fond smile you grace him with is saccharine sweet, “i felt like it.”

unbelievably charmed, he can’t help the giggle that spills its way out through his mouth like honey, a syrupy-sweet sounding little thing. his shaky fingers cover his rosy lips slightly as he laughs bashfully. he’s a bit shy because of it, but you don’t think a sound has ever been so melodious to your ears. you’d get down on one knee to kiss his knuckles reverently as many times as he wants just to hear his laughter over and over and over again.

the way you see it, it’s as if you were put on this earth to devote yourself to him.

like a loyal knight kisses the ring on the hand of their king with the utmost veneration, you’d do the same. without question, worshipping the ground whereupon he stands like a faithful follower would do to a cult leader. you figure in all of the other multiverses, you’re ultimately doing the same thing as what you’re doing in this one: loving him — devoutly. earnestly. passionately.

if the look of ardent rapture on your face is anything to go by, suguru might faint with the rush of pure love & endearment that flows like nectar throughout his veins.

he feels his blush bloom over his warm face which rushes towards the tips of his pierced ears, a clear sign of you flustering him.

wanting to gain back some semblance of control of the situation, he puts on a poker face, a gentleness in his eyes & a fondness in his smile still shining through. his black-nail polished thumb grazes your soft wind-chilled cheek. a beacon of warmth. a caress of admiration accompanied with a well-maintained façade of smoothness. a comforting touch for the both of you.

“well, aren’t you just so sweet.” suguru can’t help the coo that escapes his cherry red lips when you look up at him with your precious doe eyes, “my pretty little baby.”

he softly pinches your cheek, admiring the soft plush. he cradles your cheek with the same hand, & carefully smoothes down your hair that’s been strewn around a bit by the evening wind with the other. suguru pats your head in a nurturing manner in the process, another fond coo escaping him when he sees you preen at the attention he gives you, affectionately watching you revel in the flattering treatment.

your eyes widen with joy, always keening with any praise he showers you with. “i’d like to think so! now come on sugu, your pretty little baby has a lil surprise for you!” you playfully wink at him, your smile beaming like sunshine.

your warm eyes map his stunning features reverently, memorizing his elegant visage. drinking in his otherworldly beauty, as if you could never get enough.

while you openly admire him, suguru does the same to you. he doesn’t think that he’s ever been this enamored by a human being before. you’re the center of his universe, and he can’t imagine his life without you. all he can see in this moment is: you. his intense gaze holds yours as he captures both of your cheeks in his warm gentle hands, enveloping himself in your space. the perfume he bought you for your birthday invades his senses, clouding his mind in a welcomed haze.

all he can think of at the moment is: you. you. you.

all he can repeat in his mind is: mine. mine. mine.

his eyes gleam with a newfound sense of desire, wanting to show you exactly what you mean to him. what you do to him.

golden eyes turned onyx, dilated with desire, flit to your mouth. his thumb outlines your pretty lips that are begging to be devoured by his own, his right hand moving to cradle the back of your head, tilting your face up so he can comfortably take control. long, slender fingers splay across your hair, bringing you closer to him, slightly tugging the strands to hear and feel you gasp against his mouth. he presses his left hand against the small of your back, coaxing you further into his body, fusing you both together. not wanting to be even a millimeter apart. he just can’t get enough of you.

it’s like a magnetic gravitational pull when he presses a soft, sensual kiss against your glossy lips. the cold metal ball in his pierced tongue explores the wet cavern of your mouth, and he can’t help but moan softly into you, relishing in your warmth.

he prays to the stars above, hoping that he can convey his sincere love, desire, & admiration for you like this. he breathes life into you and you do the same to him. kissing you with such vigor & passion, he feels like melding your lips & souls together wouldn’t be enough.

suguru burns with a hunger to become one with you.

he pleads to the universe that the intensity of his desire and yearning is relayed to you — that you crave it, crave him as much as he craves you.

with the way he’s ravenously kissing you, and how you’re excitedly kissing him back, it seems like you certainly received the message.

suguru thinks it’s a little bit funny, but very much endearing, when you run around the living room like a bumbling fawn.

you zig-zag around the counter, making sure you pick up the purse that suguru got for you on your previous anniversary, an acrylic charm of your favorite actor clinking against the metal fastenings. (another gift that suguru got you, begrudgingly he might admit, because who the hell is that toji fushiguro guy anyways…)

you double check that all the contents you need are inside: phone, charger, lip gloss, mini perfume, credit cards — AH! you run back to your room like a panther, not wanting to forget the most important thing you need for tonight!

he can’t help himself but laugh at your frazzled antics. “babe, you can calm down! we’re going on a picnic, it’s almost impossible for us to be late!” suguru admires your punctuality, he thinks it’s sweet how you never want to keep him waiting.

“FORGOT SOMETHING, I ALMOST DIED.” you rush back to him, a big goofy smile on your face.

“baby… you’re heaving.” suguru covers his mouth, trying not to giggle out loud at how out of breath you are just by running a few feet. you’re so fucking cute.

“damn…” you huff out, hands on your knees, trying to get a deep breath in. “don’t call me out like that.”

he can’t help the laugh that bellows out of him, “sorry angel, now let’s go!” he places his large hands against your back, ushering you out the door quickly, “you still haven’t told me where we’re going.”

walking you towards his black mercedes, he opens the passenger side for you. with both hands on your hips, you remind him that, “it’s a SURPISE!”

after around 45 minutes of both of you jamming out to your playlist in the car, poking his cheek while childishly asking “are we there yet?” just to annoy him for fun, and ultimately being a proper passenger princess who tells him to “just trust me!” when he asks where you two are going, you both arrive to your destination.

and the sight that he sees, enthralls him. he whistles, beguiled by the view. from here, he can see how pretty and bright the stars are, it almost looks like they’re twinkling a “hello!” at the both of you. suguru thinks to himself, a picnic here at night? he’s unbelievably mesmerized at how your brain works sometimes.

he turns to face you, watching how engrossed you are in your phone, tapping away incessantly. wanting your full attention, his fingers grab your chin gently to force you to look him. he jokingly purrs, “if you took me here to kill me, i’ll have you know… sitting on my face would be much easier. much more preferred.”

you raise your eyebrow questioningly.

“because… it’s dark and we’re in random clearing.”

you stare at him blankly. “okay, you’ve hung out with me waaaay too much because i literally said that pick-up line to you last week and now you’re blatantly stealing it… like a THIEF. and also? you drove us here. who the hell is gonna drive me back if you’re dead?”

his brows furrow and he pouts, annoyed that you didn’t fall into his arms and blush because of his (your) raunchy words. he turns away from you and opens his door to leave, brattily huffing out a, “hmph. shut up, dumbass.” with his head held up high in the air, he struts away pompously to the trunk, opening and closing it loudly. a picnic basket with food you both made together in one hand, and a soft quilt of constellations made by haibara & nanami for suguru’s previous birthday in the other.

how fitting.

you loudly snicker to yourself while getting out of the car, amused by your boyfriend’s spoiled antics. while suguru is front of you admiring the view and trying to find a spot to set up, you admire the view in front of you. whistling out a, “damn…” suguru scoffs at your flirty behavior and gives you the finger. you send an air kiss back, and he playfully swats it away.

when he turns away again, you smile to yourself dreamily. taking out your phone, you click a quick candid of him against the night sky, admiring at how he almost resembles a painting.

the cream of his sweater and the contrast of his cascading ink-black hair entrances you, the silver hairpin you got him during a couple’s trip to kyoto in the top of his bun. the dangling deep violet amethyst gem glints in the moonlight, making him look even prettier. he turns his head to the left, eyebrow piercing and his lip piercing no longer in your peripheral, rather you see his eyebrow slit — a scar which you’ve softly traced over many times. his side profile allures you effortlessly, the angular bridge of his nose and the soft cupid’s bow of his lip offering up a beautiful contrast that is suguru: graceful yet strong.

shaking your head slightly, you break out of your trance.

you go back to the task at hand, opening your notes app and ticking off the word at the top of your list.

stargazing. ✔️

you remember suguru mentioned it in passing one day when you were both in the blossoming stage of your relationship. it was on his date bucket-list ever since he could remember, and of course you wanted to be the one who would take him!

you guide him over to a little meadow overlooking the city. surrounding you both are beautiful moonflowers, their sweetness enveloping your sinuses. the air is cool and crisp, and in the distance you hear the faint chirps & buzzing of hummingbirds along with the faint caws of ravens. you’re proud of yourself that you were able to find a place this picturesque. (even to this day, you still have an urge to impress suguru in any way that you can.)

both of you sit on the quilt suguru sets down, the homemade cloth providing an extra layer of cushioning that you feel atop the softness of the grass.

you’re upon the hill clearing, close enough to the city that you can comfortably drive back while still seeing a few citylights from where you are, but far away enough that the light pollution wouldn’t interfere with the date you had planned.

“it’s pretty.” suguru glances at the view, praising you while taking out the tonkatsu sandwiches, pasta salad, & chocolate covered strawberries from your picnic wicker-basket. you pick up a bag of chips and start munching on it while he lays down on his back propped up on his elbows, opening up a banana milk to sip on.

“i’m glad you like it,” your words are muffled in between loud crunches and fast chewing, “i was worried we’d be attacked by a mountain lion or a swarm of bees or some shit.” you say honestly.

he blinks. “i wasn’t worried about that.” sighing out a deep breath, he whispers, “but i am now.” he takes another sip of his banana milk in case it’s his last.

he sits up and picks up the tonkatsu sandwich, handing you the bigger half. “but seriously, how’d you find this place?”

you take the smaller half from his grasp instead, switching with him. taking a bite, you hum happily. suguru is such a good cook. he smiles at you fondly and you answer him, “i was searching up good places to look at the stars. out of all the pictures and reviews, this was the prettiest one.”

you look up at him and swear that you see an actual twinkle in his eyes.

“stargazing?” he pushes his bangs back behind his ear, leaning into your face. loudly repeating, “STARGAZING???” nose pressed against yours, an excitedly manic look in his eyes.

he throws his head back and waves his arms in the air, lamenting, “i should’ve brought my fucking telescope!”

he directs his gaze back towards you, pointing his finger at you accusingly while demanding, “we are coming here again in the future, okay? i’ll bring all of my astronomy gear: a telescope, binoculars, a constellation book, and oooooh! maybe i’ll also bring…” you unintentionally tune him out, looking at him adoringly with stars in your eyes.

this is what you wanted to see.

if you’re being honest with yourself, the best thing to experience in your life is getting to see suguru act genuinely excited. his eagerness to discover new things is infectious, and the man before you is the real suguru: dorky, eclectic, passionate.

the graceful, poised, & elegant man you see when he meets new people and the air of sultriness & suaveness he has when he takes you on fancy dates are utterly enchanting & beguiling, but you think that suguru you see before you now — the excitable nerd, is the most beautiful.

he flicks your forehead, breaking you out of your reverie. “have you been listening to a word i’ve been saying?” he scolds you while pinching your cheek extra hard.

“yeah, you want a telescope so you can look at the stars. also, you look really pretty… the stars ain’t got nothin’ on you.” you rest your chin in your hand, smirking at him, reveling in the blush that paints his cheeks. it was just the cold wind!, he’d tell you later while playfully smacking you upside the head.

you continue, “plus, it’s really hot when you’re all stern and tellin’ me off. what’s my incentive to listen to every word you say if i can get you scoldin’ me instead?” you tilt your head against your hand, grin wide, teeth bared. the masochist in you wants him to scold you even further.

he crosses his arms at you, muscles bulging out of his cream cableknit sweater. your eyes drink up the adonis right in front of you, mentally undressing him. “instead of hitting on me, how about i explain all of the constellations to you in extreme detail?” he purrs to you while biting his lip. he flips his hair over his shoulder, sultrily looking at you. you see right through him of course, knowing that he’s appeasing to your attraction to him just so he can ramble about ursa major, ursa minor, & the big dipper.

frankly. it works.

he holds his hand out to you. a truce.

you shrug. “if you do it like a hot stern professor, then sure.” you both shake on it.

he rolls his eyes playfully, trying to stop the smile that threatens to creep up on his face. “ugh. fine. be quiet and come over here.” he picks you up underneath your thighs and puts you in between his legs. your back pressed against his warm, sturdy chest. he kisses you on the head, appreciative of your indulgence of him.

you giggle cutely and move yourself down, laying your head in his lap while he softly plays with your hair. his lovesick gaze, fond smile, & warm thighs envelope your body, filling your senses with suguru. he leans down and presses a soft kiss against your forehead, an addicting contrast of his cold lip ring & warm soft lips electrifying your skin.

he pops a single chocolate-covered strawberry in your mouth, and you playfully nip his finger. he traces your lips softly and starts playfully lecturing you about the constellations that grace the night sky.

he excitedly points at a cluster of three bright stars, “and that is orion’s belt!”

you point at a bright star in the night sky a few lightyears away from it, grin unbelievably wide.

“i think you might be missing one, babe. and you call yourself the modern-day galileo. heh.” you playfully tease him.

suguru rolls his eyes, “okay first of all, i have never called myself that. second of all — excuse me?” his scoff is slightly haughty, & he can’t help the indignant laugh that escapes out of him. “alright, since you know so much — enlighten me then, what’s that one called?”

“hmm… i believe it’s sugurugeto-020390.”

suguru’s eyes widen ridiculously like flying saucers.

“what?”

you push yourself out of his grasp to hurriedly pull out a certificate from your purse and hand it to him. you sit next to him cross-legged, gauging his reaction.

“trust me, i wish i could get a better name for it, but it turns out there’s a lot of suguru geto’s in the world.”

pausing for a moment, you want to make sure that your boyfriend knows that he’s the only suguru geto on your mind.

giving him bedroom eyes, you purr, “none like you of course.”

he blinks. “what?”

your face falls comically, and you pout, “that bright star in the sky is yours.” you point at it haphazardly. “you’re the light of my life, you illuminate my life, you’re the sole star and center of my universe, blah blah blah… so i figured… ya know…!” you gesticulate wildly, and in the moonlight suguru can see the slight blush on your cheeks. your eyes looking everywhere else but his own.

you’re shy.

he can feel the sinus pressure building up against his nose and the tears glaze over his eyes.

you scratch the back of your head, trying to save face. you quickly backtrack, “i know it’s a bit cheesy and honestly, technically, this was probably a scam, but i figured it was the thought that counts and–”

“shut up.”

you look up at him in a state of shock, “HAH???”

he grabs your cheeks, his silver rings cool against your face, and smashes his lips against your own, teeth slightly knocking against yours. in his excitement, he pushes you down and straddles you, pinning you down to the grass — his body a comforting weight on top of you. he kisses you breathlessly, moaning loudly in your mouth. you can both taste the fruitiness of the strawberry on each others tongues, your own being pressed softly against his piercing. you pull away softly, needing to take a breath.

and the sight above you is one you don’t think you’ll ever want to forget.

suguru’s seductive low-lidded gaze is locked on you, parts of his bangs wisped across his face from the momentum of pouncing on you. he’s breathing heavily, and you can feel his rapid heartbeat hammering against yours, his nipple piercings slightly poking into your chest. a rosy blush spreads itself on his cheeks like a strawberry jam, and you don’t think any view could compare to the one you’re blessed to see now.

his lips are red and glossy, aching to kiss you again. you nod softly, begging him to continue. he slots his lips back with your own, tracing your bottom lip with his tongue before he bites down sensually, groaning loudly when he hears you whimper. he curls an arm underneath your body while kissing you passionately, bringing you closer to him, enveloping you into his space. all you can think about in this moment is: suguru. suguru. suguru.

pulling away once more, you peer into pools of gold. with every fiber of your being, you truly believe that his eyes carry the most beautiful stars — a milky way of ochre and obsidian.

never casting your fond gaze aside, you intertwine your hand with his, bringing it to your lips, kissing each knuckle fervently.

his alluring gaze follows your devoted actions. butterflies brush their wings together inside his stomach, the flutter erupting throughout his whole entire being. he thinks that in the moonlight, underneath the canopy of stars that…

you are the most brightest.

the most beautiful.

the most meaningful.

“honey! i’m hoooooooome!”

you feel unbelievably ecstatic that you can finally get to see your dear boyfriend after two weeks of being apart!

you already have the whole day planned out, perhaps you two can get takeout from your favorite local restaurant and watch anime together! you giggle happily to yourself while thinking about how you both can snuggle and have a cozy day in.

you take your shoes, coat, & purse off by yourself, wondering if suguru is out. usually by the time you’re at the door, suguru is already there welcoming you back with a massive kiss and a “missed you baby.” softly whispered in your ear, especially if you go on a long trip…

hmm, that’s a bit odd.

now that you’re looking around…

the apartment is in complete disarray.

it looks like a tornado blew through the whole place.

you shuffle in further… and dirty dishes are piled in the sink, overflowing dangerously. suguru’s clothes, random knick knacks, and pillows are strewn about as if he threw them all in a fit of rage. crumbs litter the carpet and you see what looks to be dirt tracks on the floorboards. the laundry is stacked high and the air is stuffy, it seems like no windows were opened in the time that you were away.

worriedly, you run into your shared bedroom.

suguru is there, thank god safe & sound, but what you see breaks your heart.

he’s laid face down, the left side of his cheek smooshed into the pillow, black tear tracks staining the fabric… he must’ve cried on a day when he went out? the bedroom is filled with dirty clothes on the floor, and you’re pained to smell the stench of cigarettes in the air. it’s light… maybe he only smoked one… but the fact that he felt the need to smoke at all, shattered your soul.

especially considering he quit ages ago when he started dating you.

you walk towards him lightly, not wanting to scare him off. his eyes are open and he looks at you… but he’s not really looking at you.

“you alright there, precious?” you softly whisper.

a perfunctory question. you know he’s not. he knows he’s not. but you know he’s in no state to answer any questions that you have.

“mhm.” he hums quietly. lethargic, not even having the willpower to answer with anything but a light rasp.

you brush back his bangs, and he shudders. his hair is greasy, oil-black hair clumping together in some places, matted in others. his lips are slightly chapped, a bit bloodied no doubt from his habit of biting his lip when he’s anxious. his fingernails are no stranger to the same action, stubbed and jagged down to the nailbed, his black nail polish chipped. bright amber eyes which often have a gentle look in them have turned into a dull ochre, obsidian pupils overtaking his irises.

they’re still gentle because he’s looking at you… but if you’re being honest with yourself, his eyes remind you a bit of a black hole right now.

vacant of light.

you press a soft kiss against his forehead and leave the room momentarily, thinking to yourself if anything can be done about this situation.

you decide to shoot satoru a quick text, seeing if he can help you out a bit with what you want to do.

you breathe out a sigh of relief, a small smile gracing your face. you can always count on satoru. the man may be silly and eclectic, but at the core of his being, he’s someone who will always take care of and look out for his friends. he’s the type of person to drop anything to help those that he loves and adores.

(sometimes you think that satoru really was an angel put onto earth.) (but then you think that he was probably cast out of heaven for being a little shit.) (regardless, you still fucking love him for it.)

you walk back into the room, and lay your head against your pillow that is next to suguru’s. (it smells like him… he must’ve hugged it while you were away.)

cradling his cheek, you quietly say, “satoru’s also back from his business trip babe, he’ll be coming in about 10 minutes. how about you get a bit of sunshine with him, hmm?” he blinks slowly, nodding softly.

you hold his hand to help him up out from the bed, but he shoos you away, admonishing you slightly, “i can do it myself.”

you nod and leave him to it, mentally preparing yourself for the behemoth cleaning task ahead when he leaves.

suguru pads slowly into the bathroom and puts his hair up in a high ponytail with a hairtie he stole from you, not wanting to deal with it. he washes his face and gets a wet rag to pat down his body and underarms, not having the energy to shower. putting on a random black sweatshirt, he douses himself in your favorite cologne of his. he puts on your strawberry lip balm while popping a piece of mint gum in his mouth and with a tired sigh, he exits the bathroom, dragging his feet to where you are at the door.

he kisses your temple gently. planting a soft kiss against his knuckles, you think your eyes deceive you when you see a semblance of a twinkle in his eyes. “love you baby. i’ll bring you back somethin’.” he rasps out softly.

even in his darkest times, even when his mind is playing tricks on him, he’s still thinking of you. wanting to take care of you. desiring to show his affections towards you in any way that he can.

you simply want to return the favor.

satoru arrives at your doorstep wearing a crisp white button up and black tinted glasses, his snowy white hair shining like starlight thanks to the delicate sunbeams that hit him. he hugs suguru gently, placing a soft kiss against his temples. suguru, dressed in all black just nods his head lightly at him. he’s not really interested in going out but knows that you two will force him regardless, reminding him that getting sunshine and looking at different scenery is important.

as they get into the car and back out of the driveway, suguru waves lightly at you, eyes tired yet gentle. satoru winks at you, proud & thankful that suguru has someone that cares so deeply for his mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.

waving them both a goodbye, you go back inside and put on your cleaning playlist, ready to get started.

the first thing you do is open up the blinds and windows, wanting to air out the stuffiness that had built up over the past two weeks. considering the fact that suguru got a tinge paler and his undereyes looked sunken, you don’t think he got even a single beam of sunshine or any semblance of fresh air in the time that you were away.

padding over to the kitchen, you begin by doing the dishes. wearing your matching baby blue dishgloves, you get to work. it seems like suguru got anxious by seeing all the dishes piled up and started using some paper plates, which would explain the overflowing trash as well. the dishes are caked with food, but soften a bit by dousing them in water along with spritzing a powerwash grease-lifting spray. you sigh happily, glad that this will make it easier. after washing, drying, and putting away the dishes, you turn your attention to the kitchen surfaces.

you wipe down the counter and dining table in circular motions with a lemon-verbena spray, disposing of any old particles of food and random dust that lay upon the surfaces. already in your cleaning mode, you start to feel a little bit more energized.

opening up the refrigerator, you see that it’s been practically untouched. unfortunately, you gag when you smell rotting veggies and fruits, promptly rushing to your kitchen cabinet to get your trash bag to toss any old food away. you mentally remind yourself to get groceries in the morning, maybe if suguru is feeling a bit better after today you both can go together!

walking into the living room, you get your cleaning towel to beat the dust out of all the furniture. usually you & suguru both start with the bedrooms, but this time you figure you’d start with the living room as it’s in a bit of a better shape than the bedroom.

after you finish beating the living hell out of your cushions, you get to swiffering, mopping, and vacuuming — humming and singing loudly to suguru’s favorite songs on your shared cleaning playlist.

you go into the bedroom and start by gathering all of the clothes on the floor and the ones in the hamper to put inside the washing machine. you look around and do the same with the bedsheets and pillow cases, rubbing the eyeliner out of suguru’s pillowcase with some makeup remover first.

cleaning out all of the drawers, you make sure to throw away any random trash and only keep what’s necessary. clutter bothers both you and suguru, so you do your best to try and minimize that. you pick up empty bottles off the nightstand and throw them away. at least he drank a bit of water.

turning your attention to your bookcase, you wipe down the multitude of pictures of you & suguru that he put in frames.

there’s a few of both of you smiling after going on cute dates — suguru’s grin unbelievably wide while flipping off the camera and holding you close to his chest as you laugh loudly. there’s ones of you gazing at him adoringly, your love for him seeping out of the picture. there’s others of him looking at you — a soft fondness in his eyes, an even softer smile gracing his lips, his affectionate gaze tuning out anyone and anything else that isn’t you. both framed and pinned to the wall are multiple candids you two took of one another when the other wasn’t looking or paying attention, bursts of love immortalized in random moments of time.

you tell yourself that the sniffle you do is just because of the dust.

clearing your throat slightly, you look around proudly. you’re done!

you spray each room with a cotton spray, inhaling the fresh linen scent happily. you light up a teakwood candle that suguru bought a few weeks ago in the living room and put a sandalwood diffuser in the bathroom, freshening up the place. you take a well-deserved shower, feeling properly clean and accomplished.

by the time you’re done, it’s around 5:30 in the evening and satoru texts you that they’re on their way and will be back home in approximately 30 minutes.

you take a can of sprite out of the fridge and onto the counter, while simultaneously placing an order for cold zaru soba noodles from suguru’s favorite local spot. you place another order at your best friend sukuna’s bakery for suguru’s most beloved dessert: matcha crepes. you figure ordering a bouquet of flowers would be a cute, fun little surprise too — anything to put a smile on suguru’s face.

you also do the same for satoru, a little thank-you present for when he comes back to his own apartment. you order a bouquet of narcissus & holly for him, internally hoping that he likes it while also ordering all of his favorite desserts from his favorite bakery! knowing with your entire soul that he will happily fill himself up on raspberry macarons, strawberry cake, vanilla mochi, chocolate donuts, & zunda cream kikufuku to his heart’s desire.

with a pep in your step, you walk back into the bathroom to get the most important part of your night started.

suguru finds his heart a bit lighter when he comes back to your shared home. he didn’t want to admit it to satoru… but he actually had a fun time eating, shopping, and listening to his hilarious stories about his shitty business trip. he’d be lying though if he said that he wasn’t most excited to see you after a long, eventful day.

in his hand are a bunch of shopping bags from stores that satoru dragged him to — clothes from your favorite stores, accessories & bags that you most wear, shoes that you need, books & knick knacks that you like — all for you. he bought a few for himself of course, but he mainly wanted to spoil you. he can’t help the small smile that creeps up on his face when he thinks about how excited you’ll be to see the gifts he got you.

thinking back on it, the guilt and shame he felt in his heart when you first saw him earlier today ate him up. he didn’t even know why he was feeling the way he was feeling so strongly. it was coincidence that it coincided with your trip, and he made sure that he would sound fun and happy over text as to not worry you. it wasn’t until a few days from when you were actually set to arrive that he didn’t even have the energy to talk or text you.

hell, he didn’t even have the energy to keep the apartment tidy or keep himself in check either. another pang of guilt hits him like a freight truck. he concludes that he’ll give you a spa day so he can clean everything up, not wanting you to worry about the mess he made.

he knows from the bottom of his heart that you’d never judge him or make him feel small for feeling the way he felt, he just feels so bad that he couldn’t even muster up the energy to greet you the way you deserved to be greeted. to kiss you. to hug you. to have a delicious dinner together and snuggle with you.

but no. after a long trip you had to come home and be worried for him. have the apartment be in disarray, have to see him be in disarray. fuck, you were worried enough to call up satoru.

he swears to himself that he’s gonna make it up to you. he swears that–

oh?

what?

suguru’s eyes widen, hands weakly dropping his shopping bags on the floor.

the entire apartment, top to bottom, is spotless.

dishes done and put away. dining table clean. living room tidy. is that… a bouquet of daffodils, his birth flower, on the counter? he also sees the bag from his favorite bakery right next to it too…

he walks around, astonished, at how you’ve made the apartment look brand new.

he reaches the bedroom and sees that the bed is made. his clothes have been clean, dried, and put up in hangers inside his closet. the nightstand, dresser, and bookcase all spotless and wiped free of dust.

a fresh smell envelopes his sinuses. he swallows the lump in his throat. did you smell the single cigarette he smoked? it seems like you aired out the whole apartment. in front of him is a beautiful sunset that waves at him from outside. a sunray beam kisses his cheeks. suguru blinks and feels something wet trailing down his face… it tastes salty on his lips. but feels so warm and sweet.

“suguru?” your angelic voice calls to him.

he turns around and sees you. fresh and clean, a beacon of warmth and illumination. a light blush dusting your cheeks no doubt from all of the hard work you’ve done.

“i ran you a bath. you up for it?” you tilt your head cutely at him, a silent plea in your eyes for him to agree.

feeling like his voice will betray him if he speaks, he nods softly. grabbing his hand, you take him to your shared bathroom, also totally spotless. your hands are soft and small in his, warm for once, because of you taking a hot shower and checking the temperature of the water for suguru’s bath. a sandalwood scent envelopes his nose, no doubt from the diffuser you put inside. he sees the romantic candles and rose petals around the bathtub and he can’t help the smile that overtakes his face.

“for me?” he rasps, a teasing tilt to his voice.

“always. everything and anything i do will always be for you.” you say it seriously. genuinely.

to you, it’s a vow. an oath.

his eyes widen slightly, but he closes them momentarily, not wanting any more tears to spill. he crinkles his eyes and smiles at you softly.

“you joining me?” he undresses, taking off his sweatshirt and t-shirt. showcasing his tan skin, toned abs, & muscles. his nipple piercings & belly button piercing are on full display and he giggles lightly as you ogle at his body, watching your eyes trace his numerous tattoos & piercings, absolutely mesmerized.

“maybe next time,” you smirk, a playful twinkle in your eyes. “figured i could do a little pamper session, is that alright with you?” you ask him caringly, wanting to make sure that he’s comfortable with it first & foremost.

he fears that if he speaks any louder than a whisper, the love that overcomes him will drown his airways. he rasps out a small, “yeah.”

always. anything and everything you do will always be right for me.

he gets into the bath and you try to not let your eyes trail down, instead focusing your gaze on his dragon tattoo that encompasses his entire back along with the mythological japanese creatures that trail up his arms and ribcage like tapestry. you see one of your favorites, a black and white beta fish upon his ribs, submerged underneath the water he’s in.

from this angle, you can also see your name that he tattooed behind his ear. smiling to yourself, you sit behind him, ready to begin the pamper session.

his sloshes the rose petals around with his fingers. the water is warm, is his first thought. i wish you were in here with me, is his second.

your fingers stroke his hair softly, lulling him into a false sense of security, and then you get to work, vigorously rubbing in his lavender shampoo. he can’t help the laugh that escapes him. for some reason anytime you two would take baths or take showers together, you would always wash his scalp aggressively. “this is how i wash my hair sugu! what’s a little run through gonna do? we gotta keep clean!” did clean mean damn near ripping out his hair follicles? possibly.

he’d never stop you or scold you however, he thinks it’s hilarious and an endearing trait of yours. when he washes your hair he makes sure to be as soft and careful as possible, almost lulling you to sleep. when you wash his hair however, it’s like you’re turbowashing a pickup truck. he figures this time he’ll give you a pass (he always does) considering that he doesn’t think he’s washed his hair in around a week and a half.

“gonna rinse now, okay?” he hums quietly, closing his eyes.

this almost feels like a purification process to him.

you lather shampoo in his hair once again wanting to do a double cleanse, this time a bit more softly. you massage his scalp, and he tips his head back. you start from the crown of his head, working in circular motions, using your fingertips. then you go to the roots of his hair, pressing and lathering, pressing and lathering, pressing and lathering.

you push his head forward slightly so you can clean the back of his head too, massaging the pressure points in his scalp. you were always a good masseuse, therefore a deep sigh escapes him, tension leaving his body by the second. (this might be the first time in two weeks where he’s been able to breathe comfortably.) you run your fingers throughout the clean strands of his hair, humming a little tune to yourself.

“they called me.” your hands still for second, but resume back to carefully twisting the water out his silky black hair. you stay quiet, knowing that when suguru speaks he prefers to get it all out there first.

“must’ve been like, what, two days after you left?” a humorless laugh escapes him. “they always know when to fuck up my mood. i swear.”

he sighs tiredly. “they went on a whole spiel about how i need to come back home and find a ‘real job’ as a hotshot lawyer or some fancy businessman, as if i don’t run my own tattoo parlor. as if i’m not also a real fucking businessman. like, do they think i don’t make any money? that i can’t comfortably take care of us both?” he rolls his eyes, getting annoyed again just thinking about how long the same repeated conversation had gone on.

suguru’s family is relatively well-off. he’s genuinely thankful that both him & satoru never had to worry about how to put food on the table or be worried about not being able to spoil the people that they loved.

it’s just that his parents were angry that their picture-perfect little boy wanted to spread his wings… see a world that had more to offer than quiet dinner table meals filled with tension and pointed jabs at one another guised as “caring advice.”

their image of suguru started to get distorted when he first showed up on their doorstep with his gauges. an act of rebellion. he could’ve worn small simple diamond studs but he wanted to make an impression: i’m my own person. even as a 13 year old boy, i can make this decision on my own. he remembers the way his father said he looked foolish. how his mother held her hand over her heart, in shock that her little baby boy had tainted himself in such a manner. what would others say?

suguru remembers looking in the mirror after the whole fiasco & thinking: god… they’d say i look so fucking cool.

then it started with sneaking out to go on late night drives with satoru, shoko, nanami, & haibara. they’d jam out to random songs on the radio, get slurpees & snacks, and sit in satoru’s car just talking about life and their future for hours. suguru still remembers the way his bangs wisped across his face, the crisp night air purifying his soul, the stars in the sky illuminating the landscape. the world seemed bigger those days and the gang were enjoying their teenage years. enjoying their youth.

he remembers coming home, his father waiting for him on the couch, pointing to the seat next to him, forcing suguru to sit down. his father’s arms crossed, black turtleneck making his muscles bulge slightly out of his sweater, his specs on the bridge of his nose making him look so serious. suguru found it easy to make eye contact with everyone in the world, but with his father he couldn’t help but look away sometimes… so he redirected his gaze to the tiny delicate beauty mark near his fathers right eye. a small little thing that made his father look a bit more… prettier. nicer. less daunting.

“where were you?” the timbre of his father’s voice rattled his bones. he muttered those three words quietly, but it still shattered suguru’s eardrums regardless.

“out. with my friends.”

he scoffs. “some friends they are.” a deep resounding ring of utter disappointment comes from his father’s words.

suguru sneers at the man, pissed that he would even think to disrespect suguru’s choice of friends like that. “yeah, they’re the best.” not an ounce of sarcasm lacing his words. his own mood dampened, nevertheless.

he recalls stomping all the way upstairs and slamming the door with all his might. sitting on his bed and resting his head against the window pane, eyes looking up at the same stars he saw when hanging out with his friends.

the stars seemed so far away from suguru’s room.

the world looked so big. suguru felt so small.

then one day, months later, suguru kissed a pretty boy. he can’t quite remember his name anymore, just that his lips were soft and his eyes were kind. suguru’s parents found out. his dad was surprisingly fine with it… he just assumed it was a phase, he went through the same thing as his son did when he was his age. his mother however… she just acted like it never happened the next morning. as if it wasn’t just a part of who he is.

his parents thought he was rebelling for the sake of rebellion. in actuality, it was suguru’s true self coming out. he was just getting more comfortable in his own skin. he was tired of being the picture perfect beauty who always was demanded of being polite, poised, & graceful. it was always too easy for him to put on a fake smile and manipulate others into doing what he wanted for the sake of his family’s reputation, it’s what he was taught. being at that house, it felt like he was kept on a tight leash, restricted from living his life. he felt caged like a bird…

but he just wanted to be free.

all he wanted was to just truly be himself in this world.

a kiss against his scalp breaks him out of his reverie.

right… he was here with you. he doesn’t have to spiral or worry anymore. you’re here. with him.

you’re here, you’re here, you’re here.

he shudders softly, taking your hand, holding it tight within his grasp. anger laces his next words, “they also said it’s time i get into a ‘real relationship’. whatever the fuck that means.”

you giggle. you know that his parents aren’t too fond of you, you’re not exactly of the same… class or status as them. at least that’s what suguru’s mother told him.

he huffs out a single dry laugh, “i’m glad you’re laughing about it because i nearly popped a fucking blood vessel screaming into my phone when they said that shit.”

“my protector.” you coo to him.

a light blush tinges his cheeks. always.

he presses a kiss against your palm. “i think it just made me… spiral a bit, y’know? reminded me of when i was kid and they made every little decision for me. i mean i’m a fucking adult now — i can decide what i do, who i wanna be, and who i want to be with.”

so when he got that phone-call from them on that day he was supposed to go to some rock concert… he did the one thing he promised himself he’d never do again. he lit a cigarette, and cried his eyes out into his pillow.

while sobbing, he remembered when he was in his early twenties and he’d sleep around with anyone and everyone, smoke blunts & cigarettes, go bar-hopping… do everything the picture-perfect pretty boy would never be allowed to do under his parents roof. his family just made him so miserable that he would do anything to not think of them.

he heard your voice in his head, reminding him, that instead of continuing on that self-destructive streak, he got his shit together. art & drawing was always his safe haven, so he found himself an apprenticeship at a tattoo parlor, getting a job as a piercer and ultimately working his way up to being a tattooist. he owns his own place now — all his hard work & effort paid off.

his mind travels back to you. his one true love.

ever since the moment he met you, he was mesmerized by your beauty — your smile made suguru feel butterflies flutter around in his stomach, he remembers the day you walked into the parlor and how everything in that moment stopped… as if you two were the only ones in the room, as if he could already imagine a future life with you. your personality shining through like a beacon of light, and as he got to know you further, your loving words & caring actions only made him fall deeper in love.

suguru’s heart and sobs only calmed down when he thought of you. his beloved. his angel. his reason to be. he hugged your pillow a bit tighter that night, imagining it was you.

“i’m proud of you, you know.” you say it so genuinely that it tugs on his heartstrings, making his heart skip a beat.

“you’ve been through a lot of shit with your parents, but at the end of the day, you chose to follow what your heart desired — not whatever they wanted. you’re successful in what you do and you made the right decision. it doesn’t matter what the hell they say, because they don’t know the effort and time it took you to get where you are.” you say it so passionately, that suguru believes every word that comes out of your mouth. his heart racing, thankful that somebody fucking understands him.

“you’re kind. you’re caring. you’re so unbelievably loving. you’re always looking out for others and helping anyone that needs it… you’re a good fucking person, suguru. i hope you know that and realize that. it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, you are good. what you do is good. who you are is good. it’s an honor to be able to love you and be with you. i hope you know that.”

for the first time in a while, suguru turns around and really looks at you. the way you bare your soul to him so effortlessly, the way you smile so sweetly at him, the way you make him feel like he’s your one true love.

“i’m so thankful for you. i love you… and i want to be with you, too. always.” his voice breaks a little, overcome with emotion.

suguru hugs you tightly, neither of you caring about the wetness on your clothes. suguru puts his entire spectrum of feelings towards you into the hug — an apology, a thank you, and a proclamation of love.

voice a bit shaky, he laughs, “sorry for getting you all wet. i know how much you hate drenched clothes.”

“you apologizing for getting me wet? now that’s a first.” you purr playfully, glad to see him in better spirits.

a loud laugh bellows out from suguru, deep within his gut. he kisses your lips preciously, and sits back down in the water, urging you to continue.

the mood now is far lighter. the air thick with a sweet steam.

you rinse his hair and gently put his lavender conditioner through his hair. massaging it in, running your fingers through his silky smooth strands. you put his hair up in a clip for a few minutes to let the product soak in. he washes it out himself while you start the shower, making sure you put in his favorite honey-almond bodywash. he gives you a silly yet oddly sultry show when he lathers himself and he promptly comes out, steaming and refreshed. you help him do his skincare routine, softly rubbing each and every product into his skin. he towels off and sits down, hairbrush in his hand, looking at you.

“here, let’s do this first.” you blow dry his hair, taking your time and allowing suguru to lull his head back onto your front, the soft black tresses of your beloved’s hair feeling much more revitalized in your fingers. you then brush his hair, gently, carefully. the entire time, you notice that suguru’s eyes are closed and he’s smiling to himself. you kiss him on the top of his head, and he turns to kiss you back. eyes closed, his lips puckered…

but just then, the doorbell rings.

“OOH! perfect timing!” you scurry off. you leave a pouting suguru who huffs out a little “hmph.” annoyed that whoever was at the door took a very well-deserved kiss away from him.

he patters softly to the kitchen where you’re setting out cold zaru soba noodles for him along with a can of sprite and matcha crepes. all of his favorites.

you hold a bouquet of flowers. daffodils.

“for you.” you curtsy, a mirthful twinkle in your eyes. he graciously accepts them from you, a shy smile and light flush across his cheeks.

“thank you.”

kissing his knuckles you whisper, “anything for you.”

for once in his whole entire life, suguru doesn’t think he can bear to look you in the eye. your adoration is so unbelievably intense, it feels like it’ll burn a hole inside his heart. does he deserve so much goodness in his life?

“you deserve more than what i can give you. i’ll spend my whole life making sure you realize that, suguru.” you say to him honestly. “if you’ll allow me of course.”

he kisses you on the lips softly, hoping that you can feel how thankful and lucky he is that he has you. “likewise.”

he clears his throat. “okay, c’mon. i’m starving. i wanna watch that stupid show and shit talk that hot guy you like on screen while we snuggle.”

“he’s the best character, suguru!” you huff indignantly. clearly he can’t be talking about thee toji fushiguro???

“babe. he SUCKS.”

he knows you so well, he muses to himself.

he knows how your breath hitches after he nuzzles his lips against the curve of your neck, that the skin is sensitive there, but not as sensitive as your right ear. he knows that because of the way your knees buckle as he whispers soft romances to you, intense shivers overtaking your body. he makes sure that his arm is always wrapped tender yet firmly around your waist when that happens, trapping you against his unyielding body.

he knows what makes you tick. on the rare occasion that you allow your emotions to overcome you, he knows how to comfort you. he leaves you alone for a few moments so you’re able to gather your thoughts & assess your bearings, and then he invites you into his warm embrace. he lets you lay your head in his lap as he strokes your hair gingerly, easing your soul with both honest and kind words. adorning your face with soft kisses and even softer caresses. a cocoon of protection.

it seems like these days, however, he hasn’t had a proper grasp on you. you can’t hide a single thing from him, he knows that you would never willingly do so either.

it’s not like you want to anyways — not that you intend to, at least.

but it’s an aching feeling in his chest, nonetheless.

earlier in the week, you’d softly shut your bedroom door whenever you saw him, pretending as if you couldn’t see each other… as if he wasn’t there. it’s moments where he found you haphazardly digging for shit in your drawers, tucking whatever it was into your pockets and padding away softly to your room. you’d stay in there for hours, only coming out when he knocked on your door to tell you dinner was ready. he heard lots of rustling and you pretended as if you were just chilling in there, as if nothing was going on. sometimes when he knocked on your door to see what you were up to, all he heard back was an “i’m busy, baby! i’ll be out soon!” then it became even more odd, you’d quickly shut off your phone whenever he came into the room and would plaster a bright smile at him as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

he sighs to himself. he trusts you. he loves you. he knows you’re not doing anything heinous.

but… why won’t you tell him what’s bothering you? don’t you trust him to fix whatever is wrong? it eats away at his mind & soul that you think you have to hide whatever it is that’s taking you from him. don’t you know that he’d drop anything for you? that’s what being in love is for, right?

his eyes peer at you from the couch, studying you. he calls out to you softly, “angel. can we talk, please?”

a statement posed as a question. he knows this. you know this. you answer regardless.

“sure.”

you walk towards him, intentionally adding a lackadaisical swagger to your steps. to fool him. you know it won’t, he knows it won’t. but suguru isn’t anything if a man who doesn’t indulge his beloved.

he pats the seat next to him on the couch. inviting. as if he’s giving you a choice, even though you know you have none at the moment. “sit next to me, my love.” his smile is taut like a string, amber eyes shut closed so you don’t bear witness to the tears that threaten to spill.

he knows you’re hiding something.

he doesn’t like not being in the know.

is it something he did?

is it something you did but are too afraid to tell him?

since when were you afraid of him?

were you always–?

in the few seconds it takes you to sit down, a myriad of questions race through suguru’s head, creating a spiral of untamable negative thoughts. you would talk to him if something was wrong, right? you both have a healthy communication and always talk things over with each other… so what’s different now? do you not trust him?

suguru chastises himself, thoroughly.

of course you wouldn’t want to speak to someone like him.

always the overthinker. always the nagging negative nancy. always the manic-depressive.

sometimes suguru fears that he acts more like a father to you rather than a boyfriend.

that he’s a bit suffocating. too intense. very overbearing.

a warm hand engulfs both of your small, cold ones. he hopes that it comes off as sweet, as caring. because he himself is sweet and caring.

at least he hopes he comes off like that.

“is everything alright, sweetheart?” a soft whisper. he speaks placatingly to you like you’re a newborn fawn and any loud noises or large movements will make you jolt and run away. “i feel like… you’ve been avoiding me recently. and…” he takes a deep breath. “listen, i don’t know if it’s something i did, but you need to tell me, okay? you have to tell me so i can make it better.”

he thinks he sounds nurturing. kind. paternal.

he also thinks he sounds so fucking condescending.

he closes his eyes and a picture of a man darts across his eyelids like an overdeveloped photo.

strict, heavy-handed, cutthroat.

paternal and protective to a fault. a man who was always “right” even when he was wrong.

an “apathetic” man who bore a child who thought too much – felt too much.

a flash of a sophisticatedly handsome man with obsidian shoulder length hair, serious low-lidded eyes, and a firm closed mouth sears itself across suguru’s brain like a charred photograph.

he flings away the afterimage as quickly as it came. pretending as if he never even thought of it.

he gulps, swallowing the fireball in his throat. god, he really doesn’t want to be like… him. having a majority of his features is enough, he does not want to inherit that man’s personality.

suguru absentmindedly rubs the slit in his eyebrow, his grip unintentionally tightening on your hands. he releases moments after, not wanting to cause you any pain.

“everything is fine with me sugu, i promise you.” you reassure him. “it wasn’t my intention to avoid you or make you feel like you did anything wrong… i am so sorry if it came off like that.” you answer him honestly. your head is tilted to the side like a little puppy, brows furrowed, upset that you made him feel like you were trying to get away from him.

“no, no no no no no, baby it’s not your fault.” he quickly grabs your cheeks, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. he brings you against his chest, hugging you tightly. “don’t apologize honey, i’m sorry… i just got into my head a bit.” he quickly placates you and kisses the top of your head. you shouldn’t be the one to suffer because he started to anxiously overthink and spiral.

he looks at the time on his watch. it’s a few minutes past midnight. you both should go to sleep… maybe you can talk it over in bed or in the morning with clear heads.

you exhale softly, shaking your head faintly. you press a delicate kiss against the corner of his lips. telling him, “give me a sec.”, you walk over and into your room.

he nods and watches you saunter away, putting his head into his hands. god… him and his big mouth… he sighs, anxiety crawling up his throat once more. he really didn’t want to upset you or anything, he angrily tells himself to apologize to you when you get back.

hearing you shuffle closer to him, he lifts his head.

in your hands is a… huge book?

“i wanted to give you this tomorrow… well technically today, but i guess it doesn’t really matter.”

he tilts his head, confused. you present him with the thing you’ve been working so hard on.

you smile at him so softly, he thinks that his heart is about to burst. “happy birthday, suguru.”

birthday…? oh god, it is his birthday.

he gently takes the present from you… it’s a scrapbook.

“don’t look at it in front of me! okay, bye!” you quickly sprint into your room, not wanting to be in the room when suguru looks at such a personalized present.

blinking, he grabs his reading glasses from the coffee table, and opens the book, flipping through each page carefully.

photobooth pictures, polaroids, kodak film pictures, movie tickets from your dates, admission tickets from amusement parks he’s taken you to, and multiple candids of both him and you - many of which he hasn’t seen.

one of them looks awfully familiar… did you take this the day you took him stargazing in the meadow? his fingers brush against his trembling lips, trying to stop himself from sobbing.

is this what you were doing?

he feels so stupid.

but god… does he feel so fucking loved.

you’ve immortalized every single moment of your relationship with him. nothing being too small for you to be excited about, carefully keeping everything.

he sees the little pressed flower of a daffodil enclosed in wax paper on one of the pages, probably from the first time you gave him a bouquet. the first time anyone has presented him with flowers without wanting anything in return. when asked about the occasion, you simply shrugged and said “just felt like it” & then quickly kissed his knuckles, zooming out of his apartment to run errands. he remembers how bashful he felt. how thankful he was. how loved that experience made him feel.

he moves his glasses upwards, wiping the tears across his lashline and the ones that stream down his face. he clears his throat slightly, and continues flipping the pages. you’ve drawn little doodles (things that he’s already planning to get tattooed on him simply because they came from you) and you’ve written beautiful, personal messages. encapsulating your adoration for suguru in the margins — genuine words filled with your love, devotion, and admiration for him.

he sniffs loudly and tries to wipe his face the best he can. he tenderly calls out your name, beckoning you over to him, and you get up out of your shared bedroom to pad softly into his open arms.

“my love.” he stands up and walks over to you midway. he hugs you so tightly while pressing your head against his beating heart, his arms protectively enveloping you. the space between you two is nonexistent, and suguru surmises that he wouldn’t have it any other way.

conveying his thankfulness and love to you, he sweetly says, “my sweet, sweet girl.” a soft kiss pressed against your hair, “you know my heart beats for you, right?” from anyone else it’d sound cheesy, but from suguru… you know he means it from the depths of his soul.

he holds your face in his gentle hands, openly divulging his admiration for you, “my little dove.” he coos so fondly, sweet candied sugar dripping from every syllable. “you’re so precious to me, you know that? i love you. i love you. i love you.” a tender kiss pressed against your soft lips between each proclamation of adoration.

you smile graciously, thankful and relieved that he adores your present and that he especially adores you. you knew out of any of your presents that you were going to give him today, that this would be the most meaningful. suguru has always been the ultimate sentimentalist, and you wanted him to know that you care for him so deeply. that you love him. adore him. that your heart beats only for him. pushing back a black tendril of hair behind his ear, you kiss him gently. both of your lips fitting together perfectly — like a lock & key.

you bring his knuckles upon your lips, preciously kissing his promise ring, ensuring to him that your love and devotion runs deep, deeper than anything in this world.

“i love you too. happy birthday, my love.” his hands are so gentle. his face is so sweet. suguru… your one true love.

if someone asked suguru to describe you in three words, he’d say you were: devoted. loyal. loving.

he has four more words of his own on the tip of his tongue that he’ll ask to you when he musters up the courage.

with a soft kiss upon the ring on your knuckles, and an even softer smile upon his lips, he lovingly breathes out, “i’ll always love you, forever.”

[covenists]

✦ BAD IDEA, RIGHT?, O. PIASTRI

what if the break up wasn't really called a break up since the night he called it end?

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[nex-is-sleeping]

Happy Valentines Day !

This post will be my Valentine's special, a huge load of headcanons for a lot of Sonic characters and maybe a little fic, idk- But without further ado, Lets go !!!

Sonic

•He would be really excited for Valentine's !!!

•The pet names he'd use are love/babe/baby

•Sonic is the type to take you out, like on a little romantic picnic.

•He'll make sure to bring your favorite food and drink ! And for himself obviously some Chili Dogs and Pepsi (His favorite drink is Pepsi bc I said so)

•After, You two will lay down and look at the clouds ! Or, if it's night, stargaze !!

•Today he will be spoiling you and you have no way of stopping him.

•He'd lavish you with compliments and affection

•"God, how did I end up with such a beautiful, handsome, pretty, amazing, and overall perfect partner ?"

•"I love you so much, babe !!!!"

•As I said before, it's puppy love 24/7 with Sonic

•He just loves you so so much- like he would do nearly anything for you.

Tails

•He'd be so stressed out to be honest 😭

•The petnames he'd use are darling/hun/honey

•Tails just wouldn't know what to do for you.

•So, he went to his best friend, Sonic, for help !

•Sonic wasn't much help either.

•In the end, he would make this mechanical heart that would open up, and inside the words are "I love you, Y/n !"

•Please compliment him on it !! He worked really hard on it and tried to make it perfect. Perfect is the only thing you deserve, nothing less !

-

Knuckles

•Knuckles would have so many ideas !

•The petnames he'd use for you are babe/hun/sweetie/love

•You two could perhaps go to the theater ?

•Or or, a movie night at home !

•You two ended up at home, watching your favorite movie with your favorite snacks and drinks.

•Knuckles argued with the characters in the T.V. can you blame him ? They where going the wrong way !

•After the movie was over, you two built a pillow fort, and ended up sleeping together in it- JSKDKFKG

-

Amy

•SHES BEEN PLANNING FOR WEEKS OMFG

•The petnames she'd use are love/darling

•Amy loves Valentine's day and it's also her favorite holiday !!

•She'd bake you your favorite pastry

•She had to make sure it was perfect ! Every little detail mattered if it was going to be given to you !

•She'd also spoil you- She would give you tons of presents !

•Not only with gifts though, with compliments too !

•"I love you so so so soooo much, darling !!"

•"I wouldn't trade you for the world !"

•She truly means everything she says and loves you with all of her heart <3

-

Silver

•He'd take you out to a nice restaurant for sure !!

•The petnames Silver would call you are darling/my love/baby/sweets

•He'd take you to his favorite, Olive Garden he lives off of those breadsticks

•Order whatever you want ! It's his treat !!

•Silver will pay. No matter how much you insist, even if it's just a penny.

•You make him so nervous, but it's the best kind !

•He'd definitely sneak a bite off of your plate

•If you got spaghetti, he'd try to do the lady and the tramp thing, yk when they both eat one pasta noodle and end up kissing ? (He'd miserably fail)

•He'd give you so many kisses anyways ! Why ? Because you deserve it, dummy !!

-

Blaze

•I headcanon her as aro, so I don't have much for her, sorry 😭

•Her petnames for you would be love/darling/treasure

•You guys always spend the day together on Valentine's because that's actually the day she asked you out !

•Her love language is gift giving, so be prepared to be overloaded with gifts-

•But her top thing is flowers ! All in purple, white, and in your favorite color !

-

Shadow

•He'd prefer something just you and him

•His petnames for you are My Love/Babe/Starshine

•Shadow LOOVES cooking, but doesn't admit it.

•He'll surprise you with a dinner he made himself !

•Saying everything was perfect was an understatement to say the least, I mean, why wouldn't he make the best dinner for his love ?

•You will catch him several times throughout dinner staring at you

•"Why wouldn't I stare at the prettiest thing in the world ?"

(I MADE MYSELF SO FLUSTERED WRITING THAT LINE AAA)

•He literally did everything for you that day

-

Rouge

•You two would have a date at home !

•Her petnames for you are sweetheart/babe/baby/jewel

•She would put on a playlist that she herself made

•And you two would slow dance together !

•She really wanted to do something that involved in you two getting close together, her love language is physical touch after all

•She did that little dip at the end of the playlist and kissed you, and WOAH

•"I had such a fun time tonight, my jewel, we should do this more often <3"

•You two ended up cuddling the rest of the night

-

And that's all !! I really do hope you all enjoyed ! Have a great Valentine's day !!! And remember to request !!!

[nonranghaes]

hiiii for ur valentines prompt thingy, could i suggest vernon & gifting him (fake) flowers (hayfever gang xoxo) thank u!!!<3

hay fever gang <3

vernon has no idea you even showed up until he feels you gently tapping his shoulder. he lets out a completely-normal-yelp, headphones falling off his head the moment he jerks around to face a slightly-terrified you as you stand there. seungkwan rolls his eyes from the doorway as he continues on to his room a moment later, mug in hand.

well. that answers how you got in.

"sorry," you say, then look him over. "... you're not dressed?"

vernon is very much dressed. "huh?"

you give him this patient smile--one he's seen plenty of times, especially when he's overworking himself on stuff. "vernon. honey..." you hold out a bouquet of flowers, "happy valentines day?"

oh fuck. that explains all the fucking hearts at work. it's been decorated for valentines for the past week and he'd stayed up late last night getting in some last minute bullshit that fell to him. he'd seen the date and yet nothing ever clicked as he went about his day completely on auto-pilot.

he's already stripping off his hoodie as he gets up, making his way over to his closet. "i'm so fucking dumb, babe--"

"you've been busy, i get it," you say, throwing yourself into his chair. it rolls a little, but you catch yourself before it can go too far. "these are fake, by the way," you hold up the bouquet. "since i would have accidentally killed them otherwise."

plus the hay fever, but it's an unspoken thing between you. he stops for a moment, hoodie thrown onto his bed alongside the t-shirt he was wearing. he accepts the flowers and kisses you quick, planting an extra one on your forehead before he pulls away.

"happy valentines day," he sets the flowers aside to put away later. "gimme five minutes and i'll be ready."

you stand, pressing a chaste kiss against his cheek before you go to wait in the living room. "i'll hold you to it."

[choke-me-joey]

Eddie Munson x fem metalhead cheerleader

Summary: Based on this - how Eddie met his not so typical cheerleader girlfriend and a little exploration of their relationship.

Content warning: 18+ content minors DNI, smoking, underage drinking, drug use, swearing, flirting, smut.

Author's note: Happy Valentines Day! Every year I say I hate it and then get a little sad when I don't get a card or something little so….here is my gift to you because I love you all! This chapter also comes with a kiss on the forehead for you 😘

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

It had been 2 months since Eddie had ended things. 2 months since you had stopped speaking to him, even glancing his way. You'd stopped going to Hellfire, stopped going to The Hideout and you'd even gone as far as to request your seat be changed in Ms O'Donnell's class, meaning you now sat on the far side of the room, pretty much as far as you could get from him. No more whispered exchanges whilst Ms O'Donnell's back was turned, no more quick kisses at your locker between classes, no more smiles across the cafeteria, nothing. There was nothing now.

The guys in Hellfire knew something had to have happened, but weren't exactly sure what. Eddie had changed personalities overnight, now sullen and moody, quick to anger and snap as opposed to his usual clowning around, all lovesick and dopey and full of jokes. Now, honestly, he was kind of depressing to be around.

You were no better off. The cheer squad weren't exactly your friends before, and now you didn't really have anyone to turn to. You got along with everyone, sure, but since Eddie had broken your heart you had become so withdrawn and quiet, your coach had to step in and make sure everything was okay.

Of course it was the usual response that "boys come and go, honey, it's just a high school crush" which made you want to roll your eyes right out of your goddamn head. Your mood fluctuated from sad, to angry, to sad again, and you'd lost count of how many times you'd cried yourself to sleep over the last 2 months, clutching at Eddie's old Dio shirt he'd given you to sleep in a few weeks into your relationship, but never asked for it back. It very, very faintly smelled of him still and honestly it was the only thing keeping you from completely losing it.

Despite how much he had hurt you, and how angry you got at times, it didn't mean your feelings for Eddie had completely disappeared. Of course you still loved him. You had fallen hard and fast for him and that wasn't just going to go away. Ignoring him at school was one of the hardest things you've ever done, but you knew it would eventually ease your pain.

Rumours swirled around the school, as they do. First it was you had come to your senses and dumped the freak, then it was because Eddie had tried to sacrifice you to Satan and scared you off. But the newest one was that Eddie was screwing a girl in the next town over, and you had found out. Turns out somebody had caught a glimpse of the nude Polaroid falling out of Eddie's locker, not realising it was actually you, and the rumour swelled from there.

That damn Polaroid. It had ruined everything. You don't even know where it had come from, any nudes you'd taken of yourself were safely secured in your bedroom, and any nudes anyone else had ever taken of you were destroyed upon breaking up, you'd made sure of that.

But this particular photo...you'd been racking your brain for weeks trying to think how someone could have gotten a hold of it. It was one you'd kept in your room, you knew it was because of the little star you'd marked them all with; you were very conscious of keeping your nudes safe.

Besides, you'd only ever had 2 boyfriends that you'd taken these pictures for, and you'd not even given them to 1 of them. You'd never taken them for any fuck buddies or one time flings, despite being asked. And you rarely ever brought those dudes into your bedroom, except for-

Your heart pounds, and you start to shake.

That motherfucker.

**

Eddie sighed as he pulled up to Chrissy Cunningham's mansion the following Friday night. He could hear the music already thumping away; Chrissy's parents had gone out of town for the weekend so of course, Eddie had been called upon to deal. He fucking hated these things, especially now that he didn't have you by his side. He swallowed hard.

He fucking missed you.

He missed you so much it hurt. Now it had been nearly 3 months since he'd found that photo, since he'd ended things, and he still couldn't get your face out of his head. The way you'd looked at him, the way your voice wobbled and cracked with emotion, and the way you'd hissed at him with a venom he had never, ever imagined you spitting at him.

You hated him now. You didn't even look at him in school, stopped coming to Hellfire, stopped parking your car next to his van, stopped it all.

Was that because you were guilty? Pissed at him because he'd called you out? Or...maybe, just maybe, he'd made a mistake.

Eddie kicked himself mentally every time he thought about it. He let his emotions get the best of him, like always, only this time he'd let the rage take over. That had only ever happened once before and it ended in a broken hand, the other guy's broken jaw and Chief Hopper hauling him into a cell, letting him rot there overnight before Wayne came to bail him out the next morning. Eddie had never felt so ashamed as he did when his uncle had looked at him with that sad, disappointed expression. Wayne never said it, but Eddie knew exactly what he was thinking- he was following in his father's footsteps.

He'd sworn to himself after that that he would never let his rage take over again.

And then you came along, he fell head over heels like never before and when his brain had told him you were definitely cheating on him, that he wasn't worthy of you, that you couldn't possibly love him, and when he read that stupid fucking note that all but, in his mind, confirmed his fears he just lost control.

And now you were gone.

Except you weren't gone, because there you were, walking up Chrissy's front path with a couple of the other cheerleaders, looking as perfect as ever, in leather pants and a cropped Bon Jovi shirt, sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the other party goers dressed in...well, color. Eddie watched as a group of football players met their girlfriends, pulling them into sloppy drunken kisses and grabbing their asses, making the girls squeal and giggle. One football player - was it Johnson? - approaches you with a predatory look in his eye and Eddie doesn't realise he's holding in a breath until he releases it when you completely blank Johnson, shoving past him and into Chrissy's house.

This was going to be a long night.

**

You'd lost count of how many beers you'd drank and how many shots you'd thrown back. And honestly, you didn't fucking care.

You'd seen Eddie's van parked up down the street when you'd arrived; of course he'd be here. He was always expected to show at these parties - it's where he'd make most of his money. The minute you'd seen it, that's when you decided you were going to get absolutely shit wrecked.

That and when Johnson had had the balls to approach you, grinning like the fucking cat who stole one of your nude photos to sabotage your relationship.

You'd kept your cool, you had to. Your spot on the squad couldn't take another fight, or scandal. You had to swallow your anger towards Johnson, that regretful summer fling from last year, and just get on with it.

So of course, you chose to drink. And dance. And smoke. All on your own of course. You know everyone is looking at you, but you couldn't give two shits if you tried.

You stumble out into the backyard, and spot Eddie dealing at the far end of the yard. Fuck it, you think, you want to just let go, and you knew Eddie had the good shit. You inhale and walk over to Eddie as a group of girls leave him. He looks you up and down, concerned.

"Y/N?" He sounds almost afraid.

"Munson." You say curtly and he winces. "Got any pre-rolled?"

"Y/N, I don't think you should be smoking-"

"And I don't think you should be acting like my goddamn boyfriend, Munson, when you made it pretty clear 3 months ago that you thought I was cheating slut!" You snap. Eddie's jaw clenches.

"I'm not selling to you, Y/N. You're wasted."

"And so is everyone else here!" You gesture around, exaggerated by the alcohol. "Don't act all caring now, Munson. Just...don't."

"Fine." He grits out, giving you the pre-rolled joint from behind his ear. You hand him a $20, but he pushes your hand away. "Just take it."

You sigh. "Jesus, look, just take the damn money, okay? I don't expect girlfriend privileges anymore."

"I don't want your fucking money, okay? Just take the goddamn joint, Y/N, I'm just trying to be nice!"

"Well don't!" You yell, a few people glancing over as a silence falls over them. "You broke my heart, Eddie, you don't get to be fucking nice! You never even once gave me a chance to explain-"

"What was there to explain?!" Eddie yells back, taking you by surprise. "It was pretty fucking crystal clear to me, Y/N! And you weren't the only one who had their fucking heart broken, I loved you!"

You freeze, your breathing turning shaky and you blinked rapidly, tears threatening to spill over. You throw the joint at him and turn on your heel, storming back into the house.

"Getting tired of that right hand yet, freak?" A smug voice makes Eddie turn around. He comes face to face with Aaron Johnson, another one of Anderson's idiotic companions. Eddie rolls his eyes.

"You buying or not?" He replies, and Johnson smirks, leaning against a tree.

"You know, if it wasn't for Y/N's shitty taste in music, I probably would have carried on hitting that. She's so fucking hot but I can't be seen with someone who dresses like a satanist, wearing all that demonic shit. My mom would have disowned me. But, fuck, that pussy's second to none, right Munson?"

Eddie's jaw clenches.

"And that body, fuck, it's insane. Glad I found her secret stash of pics and took a little reminder for myself. Came in handy more than a few times." Johnson grins and Eddie's stomach drops. "Y'see, she fucked with our team, freak. Got Anderson kicked off when we were a sure win for the championship, I could've gotten a fucking scholarship. And thanks to her, that ain't happening. So, I just had to let you know what a stupid little slut she is, Munson. I did you a favour."

"You." Eddie grits out. "You did this."

"I did her, too. She really is a freak in the sack, isn't she? Think she's drunk enough to let me fu-"

Eddie's fist connects with Johnson's cheek before he can even finish his sentence. Johnson staggers back in suprise, before returning a blow to Eddie's stomach, and the two begin to brawl, much to the delight of the onlookers in the yard. The news travels fast throughout Chrissy's house.

"Holy shit! Johnson's fighting the freak!" A voice yells from the kitchen, and your head snaps up from the beer you were nursing on the couch in the living room.

You push through the crowd that are now chanting 'fight, fight, fight!' and eventually get outside to the chaotic scene of Eddie and Johnson rolling around on the floor beating the piss out of each other, blood splattering the patio.

"Eddie!" You scream out as he rolls on top of Johnson, driving his fist into his face. He doesn't hear you, blinded by rage. It scares you to see him like this, so, so angry and vicious. Even though he broke your heart, you still cared for him and hated the way his beautiful face was bruised and bloody and curled into a snarl. You run over and grab his arm before he can drive it down again and pull him off of Johnson, but he pulls away from you and dives towards him again. Johnson is a better fighter than Anderson for sure, and immediately pins Eddie back on the ground. "Get the fuck off of him, Aaron!"

"How'd you like the little gift I left your boyfriend, Y/N?!" Johnson bellows, laughing maniacally as you shove him off of Eddie, who coughs and spits out blood onto the patio. "Should have thought twice before you fucked with the team!"

"This is all because of your fucking high school football career?!" You shriek. "Oh my god, grow up! If Anderson wasn't such a pig maybe he'd still be on the goddamn team!"

Johnson gets off of a groaning Eddie, staggering slightly as he grins at you.

"He knows what an easy little slut you are, Y/N, can you really blame him for trying? If you'll let this freak stick his dick in you, you're gonna let anyone do it."

"At least I knew when his dick was in me, which is more than I can say about yours, Johnson." You bite back, making several of the onlookers gasp and giggle. Johnson looks visibly embarrassed and enraged. "I only give my nudes to guys with dicks bigger than 3 inches, you fucking Neanderthal."

Johnson takes a step towards you, but he's quickly restrained by two of his buddies. The wail of police sirens and flashing lights a few streets over is enough for the crowd to disperse; one of the neighbours must have called and reported the party. "Shit," you hiss, helping Eddie up off of the floor and pushing your way out of the panicked crowd. "Give me your keys."

"You...you can't fucking drive, you’re wasted." Eddie grumbles.

"Yeah? Well I bet I can drive better than you can with a busted eye, Munson, so unless you want another run in with Hopper, give me your damn keys."

Eddie sighs and places them into your hand. You wince at the sight of his raw, bloody knuckles.

You help him to the van and buckle yourself in to the driver's seat. "You're gonna need to direct me Mr Here's Another Excuse For You Not To Come To My Place."

Eddie sighs again.

"It's…Forest Hills Trailer Park, you know it?" You nod. Eddie looked almost ashamed. "Of course you do, Hawkins' best trailer trash, drug addicts and drunks all in one spot, I'm surprised they don't charge at the gate for parents to just bring their kids in and show them how they shouldn't end up like this. Like a damn museum exhibit." Eddie mumbles bitterly. You frown, doing your best to concentrate on driving straight.

"Eddie-"

"It's left here."

The 15 minute drive was silent, not even the radio playing, with intermittent grunts or hisses of pain from Eddie. When you arrive at his trailer, you help him out of the van and to the door, unlocking with his keys. You sit him on the small couch.

"Got any frozen peas?" You ask, looking around the trailer at the small kitchen.

"My uncle keeps ice packs just for this very reason. Second drawer."

You follow his instructions and retrieve one, wrapping it in a dish cloth and handing it to him.

"Keep that on your eye. Where's your first aid stuff?"

Eddie places the ice pack on his eye. "Bathroom cabinet, down the hall on your right, but, Y/N you don't-"

But you ignore him and find your way to the small bathroom. Your tummy flutters as you pass by what is obviously Eddie's bedroom, getting a waft of that delicious Eddie smell. You enter the small bathroom and dig in the cabinet and find an old bottle of peroxide, Neosporin, cotton pads and bandaids. You also find a washcloth, soaking it in cold water and squeezing out the excess water. You go back out into the living room and kneel in front of Eddie.

"Chin up." You instruct, and he does, wincing as you gently rub at the dried blood on his face, getting rid of the worst of it before you soak a cotton pad in peroxide. "This is gonna sting."

Eddie sucks in a breath as you dab at the cut on his cheek. "Ow, fuck."

"Told you." You clean it as gently as possible before popping some Neosporin on it and a band aid. You repeat the process on the cut his forehead, lip, chin and his knuckles. “Didnt think you were a fighter, Munson.”

“Oh, I’m Munson again now?” Eddie huffs and you roll your eyes, placing the last bandaid on his knuckle. “Thanks…”

“No problem, it was kind of my fault you got in a fight. I should have realised sooner that it was him.”

Eddie clears his throat.

“Yeah, listen, about that…I’m sorry, Y/N. I should have let you explain. I guess I was just pissed at the thought of you having fucked someone else, even if it was before me.”

“Yeah, you should have let me explain.” you say, your voice a little sharp. Eddie avoids your eyes. “It’s fine, what’s done is done, but…thanks for defending my honour.”

“Just returning the favour, sweetheart. Couldn't have you beating the shit out of another jock, your place on the squad would have been toast."

"Yeah well…" you shrug, stifling a yawn. You glance at the clock on the wall. "Jesus, when did it get to be 3am?!"

"Well you lost about 5 hours getting wasted. I'm suprised you got us back without landing us in a ditch." Eddie smirked and you shoved him.

"I guess the adrenaline sobered me up." You sigh. "I gotta stop going to these parties, especially when you're there. You're the problem here."

"Ain't nothing new there. Go, take my bed, you need to sleep."

"But what about you, Eddie? You're injured, I cant kick you out of your own bed. I can crash on the couch."

Eddie snorts. "Yeah, I'm sure my uncle would appreciate you stealing his spot when he gets in from his night shift in a couple hours. Take my bed, I'll sleep on the floor."

You roll your eyes. You forgot how stubborn he could be.

"Okay fine but um, can I borrow some clothes? Leather pants aren't exactly the comfiest thing to sleep in."

"Sure, come on princess." Eddie leads you to his bedroom, rifling through his messy drawers before handing you a shirt and some boxers. "You can, uh, change in the bathroom."

"Why? Not like you haven't seen it all before." You shrug, stripping off your shirt and pants, standing in Eddie's room in your bra and panties, modesty gone thanks to the alcohol still lingering in your system . Eddie swallows hard, looking away. He doesn't look back at you until you clear your throat. His heart hammers in his chest as he takes in the sight of you in his favourite Metallica shirt and some of his comfiest boxers, taking your hair down out of the band it had been tied up with. You smile at him softly. "You wore this shirt to my house the first time."

"You wore it too," he grins, wincing as his lip screams at him.

"Yeah for like an hour, you insisted on getting me naked again." You giggle, cheeks flushing.

"I am but a man, sweetheart." Eddie holds his hands up in admittance. He quickly straightens up his bedsheets before gesturing for you to climb in. You gingerly do so, part of you so sad that it's under these circumstances that you're in Eddie's bed for the first time, and part of you elated at being surrounded by everything Eddie. You watch Eddie take off his jeans and shirt, gathering a couple of spare blankets and pillows to lay out on the floor of his cramped but cozy room. Once he's readied his bed, he flicks off the light, and a silence falls over the two of you as you both settle into your respective beds.

Your stomach churns with nerves; you hadn't been near him for so long and now he was so close you could touch him, but you couldn't touch him. It was torture and your mouth spoke before your brain could catch up.

"Eddie?"

"Mm?"

"I miss you." You whisper into the darkness. You're not even sure he heard you until you felt his hand, his non busted hand, blindly reach up and feel around for yours. His fingers link with yours and his thumb brushes over your knuckles.

"I'm right here."

Taglist:

@big-ope-vibes

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@bibieddiesgf

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@daysinthephoenix

Tag list continued in comments!

[utfandomevents]

💀 AUGUST UNDERTALE / DELTARUNE EVENTS 💀

🧣 Fanzines - Sales open 🧣 LOVE MARROW // bitter & sweet Sans x Frisk Anthology Game Night - a UTMV Fanzine MUSK: Kustard Anthology sans & 泡沫 「はかなきいのち　あなたのそばで

🍝 Fanzines - Announced over last month 🍝 Dusttale anthology calendar 『2』 Fell Frans Anthology

🦴 Fanweeks / Months 🦴 Papyrus Month - August 1-31 Honey Bottom Fes - August 2-3 Soriel Week 2024 - August 11-17

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🥛 Other Fandom Events 🥛 キミと金色の約束2 : Sign-ups open Sanfuri Valentine's Day Card Rally: Sign-ups open

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For more event info, visit our spreadsheet at the link in our bio! ✨

If you know of other Undertale/Deltarune fandom events, feel free to send us a DM on Twitter or an ask on Tumblr!

Happy August! 🧡

[imdoingsortagay]

Ooooo a valentine's day celebration? Would you be willing to write reader x Claire where Claire can't miss work so reader offers to join her for the day and Claire doesn't realize it's for the sole purpose of being a terrible tease? And maybe have it end in smut? (Preferably at the office because getting Claire into a headspace where she stops worrying about getting caught would be SUPER rewarding all on its own.)

Adventures at the campaign office

a/n: claire brain rot for the mf win

warnings: Smut

word count: 3.1 k words

This was the second Valentine's day when you and Claire were going to spend it together watching movies, baking some of her favorite red velvet cookies, and having the best sex on earth. You were not surprised and a bit disappointed when she told you that she couldn’t take the day off to spend it with you because she had to work on some essential office matters related to her senate campaign.

“ Can’t you just have Barkley deal with it Babe? I don’t think she’ll mind you taking the day off to get - 

“ I love you y/n but that woman knows way too much about our sex life at this point,” Claire groans as she gets herself another cup of coffee. She had tried hard to convince her campaign manager to give her the day off. Still, even after the shouting between the two of them and a PowerPoint presentation, there was no use in trying to get out of this when the race was starting to get closer to the opponent.

“ Says the one who can’t drink too much or else you get super drunk and ramble to her about how you like when i-” 

“ Okay okay I fucking get it you tease,” she pauses while you smile at her defeat,” What are you gonna do at home while I go to work, honey? “ 

“ I do not know Claire bear, might go by Peg's apartment and pick up some of the new toys she got us, thank her with cookies along with her favorite, stop by your office to get you lunch from that new brunch place, the day is still very young I guess”. 

“ What time did you want to come to the office? I have one meeting today and the rest of it is just paperwork,” Claire says casually while her mind says differently. While having you at the office brought the older woman happiness, she know that you had a habit of teasing her when you got way too bored just watching her and she needed to finish getting a couple of papers to one of the staffers before they took the week off. 

“ Probably around 11 am but i can come later once your meeting finishes honey, wouldn’t want to make you nervous leaving me all by myself in your office,” you giggle, thinking about teasing her at the office. Might as well make the most of the visit later while she works. 

“ y/n baby,” Claire starts,” I’ll text you when you can come to the office but think of doing anything that might get in trouble today, Barkley is already stressed out about a whole new group of interns so having you be a little tease wouldn’t be good energy to bring in. 

‘ Claire bear, i promise not to tease you if you're busy in the office” you cross your heart in front of her and she rolls her eyes at your dorkiness,” but please bring snacks to eat today, and don’t worry your pretty little head about lunch so I’ll get you some. You smile the moment you compliment Claire, never failing to blush when you praise/ compliment her about literally anything at all. 

Claire collects all of her belongings in her tote bag, gets her cup of coffee, and before she makes her way out of the house, kisses you on the cheek before you are left alone in the house. While you start with cleaning the house before even starting to bake, Claire tries not to stress out about having you in the office. Having you visit her at her job was a common thing before you both dated but the thought of Barkley telling you anything about being there. 

Baby<3: Have a good day at work my Claire Bear 

*hours later*

After running around doing some errands, picking up some stuff, and getting something to eat for your girlfriend, you park at the office. Feeling a bit nervous as Claire is a big fan of privacy and the thought of being caught having sex scares the fuck out of her so you had to think closely about teasing her. What you wore was pretty simple, just one of her favorite sweaters, jeans that show off your legs perfectly also giving your butt a bit of a lift, and a simple pair of shoes compared to everyone else in the office. 

“ Wasn’t expecting to see you here y/l/n? Are you here to come to distract Debella or make sure she focuses on what I asked her to do?” Jen asks you with a cup of coffee in her hand and always putting on her best “badass “ face per usual.

“ Promise to make her do her work Barkley but I’m just here to make sure she feeds herself and does not overwork herself like some people I know,” you respond before walking to Claire’s office. If there was one thing that Barkley appreciated about you is being able to joke around with her, especially being able to come up with witty remarks. 

Claire was just about done writing all of these candidate questions when she hears her office door open up to see you walk in, looking stunning as always and with a bag of food in your hand. 

“ Want me to lock the door baby?” You ask casually to her which makes her give you a look but you put up the innocent front instead. Better to have her calm and cool than all suspicious of what you might be planning today while here at the office with her. 

“ And the reason would be?” she asks while waving her hand around

“ So we could eat lunch together in peace without any of your staff, interns, or Jen trying to come in and stress you out my love,” you kindly explain to her, your girlfriend giving you a quick thumbs up to lock the door and you close the blinds as well to ensure nobody can see what’s going on. Claire doesn’t notice the second part as she had gotten her hands on the sandwich that you bought her. 

“ How many times do I always tell you to eat more stuff at breakfast besides coffee and a muffin Claire?” you chuckle as she eats the lunch quickly and for the next hour, Claire is getting most of what she was tasked to do done. Being told to focus by you when her mind dozes off to think about something related to her life, seeing you lay down on the couch or needing more decorations in the office. 

As you lay down on the couch reading a book, your phone rings to a message from Barkley and what’s surprising is that it’s a positive one from her. 

Jenny Poo: Maybe we should have you be at the office if she finishes her work at this rate

y/n: Welcome Barkley <3

“ Claire bear?” Do you ask? 

“ Yes honey?” she responds, writing the last question to the candidate form she was doing for one new station to use for an article. 

“ Do you mind if I take off my sweater? This office is just way too hot to be in it,” you say casually. 

“ sure thing honey,” she says to you and you get up from the couch to take off your sweater Claire chooses the right time to look up from her laptop and she tries her best not to drool at the sight of your arms. Always being proud of keeping your upper body in tip-top shape and overall being a tease to your girlfriend with it. Claire starts to feel her mind drift to other places at the thought of you doing things to her, in this office especially. 

“ Claire you doing okay? maybe you should take a break with me on the couch from working so hard on the campaign sweet one,” you say to her but she just looks at you with big eyes, unsure as to what to do. 

“ Sure uh year, a break could do me good,” she says for you to hear and she gets up from her chair to come and lay down with you. Nothing is going to happen between the two of you in this office today, she repeats in her mind.

“ My baby deserves to take a nap after working so hard to be elected, once this is over i just know you’ll beat the other man without a fight” you praise her while she lays on top of you. Claire tries her very best not to drift into sleep, reminding herself that naps are not allowed and that if she wanted to sleep she could at least wait until she got to her place to do so. Though that’s proving hard to do with the way you're gently petting her hair with one hand and rubbing circles on her back with the other one. 

“ Don’t want to nap baby, please,” She quietly pleads.

“ Be a good girl for me dove and nap, I know that you need at least a powernap to go through the other half of the day my sweet dove,” you plead, and a couple of minutes later, Claire is fast asleep on your lap, looking as pretty as always in slumber while you try to come up with a further plan as to tease her. 

Claire wakes up 30 minutes later, feeling good before slowly making her way off your body, leaving you to continue napping on the couch. She makes her way to her desk to answer some emails, and check out some designs for her mailers being used soon while she peeks at your sleeping body every once in a while and smiles at the fact that you didn’t succeed 

She smiles proudly at herself for not falling for your tricks when she hears you mumbling, right when she was about to win at this teasing game too. 

“ mmmmmmmm pretty claire bear,” you say to yourself in your sleep and she tries not to imagine what horny dream is going on in your mind. 

She had known from the start of your relationship about your sleep talking, assuring you that you had nothing to be embarrassed about but from time to time she’s had to deal with your wet dreams, and most of the time they were about herself in rather sticky situations. One that you told her was about Claire riding your strap, eating her out in the office, threeway with her and some famous actress that Claire was a huge fan of and the list can go on. Now all she hoped was that it was just a cute dream and not a horny one.

“ boobs look, nice baby,” you say and she feels herself getting soaked, hoping that she doesn’t have to change her underwear by the end of the day. For the next 20 minutes, Claire is in hell as you continue to mumble some very dirty things that make her blush but she’s saved by the universe when your alarm goes off on your phone, probably being the nap one you set up. 

“ Oh,’ you say,” How long was i asleep for baby?” 

Claire continues to write like she isn’t soaking wet right now, trying to pull off a brave face while you wonder what happened during the time you napped. 

“ Claire bear,” you say as you make your way to her,” If I ask you a question, i know that my sweet dove knows than to ignore what her daddy asks her”.She continues to ignore you, acting like you’re not in the office but once she feels you move her chair a bit to sit on her lap, is when she knows that it’s not going to go well for her. 

“ Princess,” you say as you hold her chin up so she has to make eye contact with you,” Stop acting dumb and use that pretty brain of yours to answer daddy’s question: How long was i asleep for?”. 

“ About 50 minutes or so,” she mumbles,” i had a 30-minute nap through daddy like you wanted me to”. At that moment, Claire hopes that just that will get her off her case and she can go back to work. 

“ Why are you so flustered princess? Something must have happened to make you act out for daddy and you know how much i hate having to punish you? Remember to be honest”.

“ You were mumbling some stuff in your sleep that made me all wet and I was trying to act like it didn’t affect me at the moment, daddy,” she says to you and at that moment you smile at your baby for being honest. It would have been fun to punish her in the office, Claire would have had such a hard time trying to be quiet and Jen didn’t mention these walls being soundproof in any way. 

“ Should daddy help her baby out a bit? For being such a good girl?” Claire nods. 

“ Please daddy!!! I’ve been your good girl”.

“ Since you asked so nicely-” and you were cut off by Claire kissing you, her lips always being so soft on yours. At that moment she doesn’t care that anyone in the office can hear her going on with her, the only priority at the moment is to feel your mouth on her wet cunt. 

“ Someone is wet,” you comment as you move away from her lips and start to go lower down her body, remembering to gently remove her shirt before being greeted by Claire wearing one of her pretty bras for work. She doesn’t say anything at all when you push the cups down to expose her tits, nipples hardening right away to the cold air in the office but you start to suck on her right nipple, giving her other nipple attention too. Enjoying all the little whines and moans that are coming out of the older woman’s mouth as she holds off from enjoying this being that she’s about to be fucked in her office. 

“ Should I go lower Princess? Or should Daddy wait til we get home so you can scream all you want ?” you ask your girlfriend nicely as you position herself between her legs. At that moment, Claire loses any sort of thought when she sees her between her legs, mind going crazy at the thought of you eating her out in such a professional place but she doesn’t think that she can wait about 2 more hours to get fucked by you. 

“C'mon princess,” you taunt,” Just answer daddy’s simple question and i can make you feel good now or you can wait like a good princess.” 

Claire quickly lifts herself from the chair so you can take off her pants and panties, swiftly taking them off of her and placing them to the side of her. Before your girlfriend even tries to beg, you immediately l start to lick at her wet cunt, moaning in delight at the taste of her every time that you can.

“ Fuck I love your mouth Daddy,” Claire moans out before covering her mouth, shoving her fingers in her mouth to somewhat try to muffle out any sounds threatening to come out of her. She was always a loud person during sex and you never shy  away from telling her how fucking hot she sounds moaning and whining, boosting her confidence so much. 

“ My Slutty little princess,” You moan as your mouth leaves her wet cunt, “ gonna get you ready with my fingers sweet dove, you deserve to be fucked til you can only think about my cock”. Claire shudders as she feels two fingers slowly go into her cunt, thankful for her wetness, waiting for her to be comfortable before moving her fingers in and out of her pussy. Observing how hot Claire looks gripping her chair. 

“ Can we move to the couch please?” Claire pleads,” Want you on top”. 

Never the one to deny your sweet dove, you take your fingers out of her cunt, helping claire get off the chair before guiding her to the couch and placing her in your lap before continuing to finger her cunt. 

While both of you are going at it, Jen Barkley is in her office trying her very best to wait for the email with the second set of candidate questions that she needed Debella to do before the end of the day. Jen does try her best to respect Claire but she was worried about having you in the office in fear of distracting her from her work, having learned from past experience with Knope and Wyatt, who never seemed to think when they fuck in the office and having to drink heavily a couple of nights to forget the sight of it.

“ Guess i gotta check up on her,” she mumbles to herself, getting the spare key to the office in case she can’t get in because it's good to be prepared. Of course, when the woman gets to the door, it’s locked and the blinds are closed so she can’t see what’s going on but she can hear noises of some sort. Being an impatient person, Jen unlocks the door and then proceeds to come in the office and it is greeted by the both of you going at it, Claire on top of you completely nude on the couch while she’s getting fingered by you.

“ What the fuck do you want now Barkley? Can’t you see me and my Claire bear are busy?” you say, picking up the pace as you finger your girlfriend while her muffled moans get louder. In a rare moment, you try to hold in your laughter as the tough strong woman that Jen is, has no witty comeback or snarky remark to say, only focusing on the way your fingers look amazing in Claire's cunt, wishing she can feel the same way ( mostly from the lack of sex she’s gotten). 

“Uhm,” she stutters” the email thing, claire needs to send it before-” 

“ She’s got it done honey i’ll send it after we’re done,” you say,” Now can you leave the office, Barkley, i wanna fuck my pretty girlfriend”. Jen says nothing else before quickly walking out of the office, locking it beforehand then making her way back to her office and calling one of her situationships to set something up. 

“ Ready for my cock sweet princess?” you ask, Claire, nodding and getting into position as you put on the harness and strap on before fucking her in the office, happy to have decided to visit her at the office today.

[wildestdreamcatcher]

Choices

Summary: Cleo goes back to Charleston to visit her parents

TW: Mentions of eviction, pregnancy

My parents were loving people. They were always very nice, lenient, and caring, but I knew deep down they weren’t thrilled with this decision. I found out 3 months ago I was pregnant. Everything felt so fast: how quickly Elijah made Todd leave, how quickly my stuff was moved into his apartment, how I found out I was having a boy in October, it was all moving way too fast but Elijah and I managed somehow. I felt terrified when I called my parents a few weeks ago after finding out to tell them the news. I could hear the shock, worry, and possible disappointment in their voices and I could see it in their faces when we visited them in Charleston. They stared at my baby bump the whole time they were hugging me. 

The dinner was awkward and they didn’t know a lot about Elijah. I was bad about not calling them as often as Mariah and Nicholas did. All they knew was that Elijah was an aspiring musician (the last time I had called them before I found out was almost 5 months ago when Elijah was recording demo tapes), he worked as a bartender, he was kind and intelligent, but he also the guy who had gotten their daughter pregnant after 6 months of dating. You could feel this uncomfortable tension in the room but Elijah’s nothing if not charismatic and charming, he could hold a conversation well so he was able to smooth things over. 

I had to drive back to my parents’ house after I left my bag upstairs, a dark red patent leather bag Elijah had bought for me on Valentine’s day. It made more sense for me to look for it in the house I grew up in than to make him walk around a house he’d only ever been in once. I was about to leave when my parents stopped me. They had the same look on their faces that they did when I dropped out of college. 

“Cleo, honey, do you not think this all too fast?” My dad spoke.

“You’ve always been known to make brash decisions!” My mom agreed.

“What are you talking about?” I had my suspicions but I wanted to hear them out before I said anything.

“This whole thing with Elijah and the baby! You’ve made so many hasty decisions! Dropping out of college after a barely year to go modeling, hardly speaking to us after you moved to New York, letting everything pile up in New York that you get evicted and decided to move to Vegas, and now you’re gonna have a kid and move in with a  you’ve only known for 9 months! Cleo, this is insane!”

I remembered how bad things had gotten for a few years as my mom spoke. I dropped out of college after barely finishing my first year: one of my best friends had decided she was going to move NYC to model and when she asked me to come with her I said yes immediately. It wasn’t the glamorous fantasy I had imagined: I was headlining shows or walking runways, I was modeling for makeup, clothes, lingerie, car ads, and sometimes hair products. I wasn’t doing anything major and I remembered when Mariah had gotten somewhat judgemental when she found out I was doing lingerie shots. She acted like I was doing Playboy, I wasn’t but if they called my agent to give me an offer, I would’ve done it immediately. Josephine and I were stupid, we both knew that now because all we did in New York was model and go to parties. We didn’t have a stable job to pay the bills and we hadn’t paid rent in months so we got evicted, 

I had fallen into a dark place after that, living in a dirty studio apartment with my boyfriend at the time until 6 months later when I decided I wasn’t happy. I broke up with him and moved to Vegas. My parents had no clue about the eviction until after I moved to LV, and they thought I was going back to college to get my degree like Jo had done but that wasn’t my dream anymore. Now I was working as a hairdresser and trying to save money for my baby. 

“Mama, I’ll be the first person to admit all of the decisions I had made in New York weren’t the smartest but I’m turning out just fine. I know this all moving fast, Elijah and I are both incredibly aware without anyone reminding us but you know what, we’re happy! This isn’t what I planned for my life but maybe this is fate?! And even if Elijah and I don’t work out, I still won’t regret a thing because I got lucky to be able to know him for this long and have a baby with him. I don’t regret any of this: not me getting pregnant, dropping out of college, getting evicted, or anything like that and you shouldn’t place that on yourself.” I noticed that I was starting to tear up and get loud. Maybe it was the passion and the hormones all coming together?

“If you’re happy that’s all that matters, but if you ever need money or a place to stay you know where to find us.” My dad spoke as I nodded.

When I got back to the hotel, I felt oddly comforted when I saw Elijah sleeping on the bed. I felt a warm presence from him, even when we first met I felt that and I prayed to God our son would too.

@blowflygrls @sadlonelyyogurt @vommitgirl

[aaronymous999]

The Ghostflowerbyte Headcanon Post

All of them identify as Bi! And they’re all transgender by the way, Margo and Gwen being transfem and Miles being transmasc!

All of them are also autistic, possibly ADHD for all of them too? But not too sure on that one!

Margo and Gwen initially did not get along, but eventually they became friends when they bonded over their shared difficult home lives, this was before Miles came to the Spider Society by the way. Gwen is a bit awkward when introducing two separate friend groups to each other ( she just like me fr ) which is why she actively tried not to mention Hobie, Pavtir and Margo to Miles, her anxiety makes her worry that they’ll hate each other and all her friends will blame her. ( she just like me fr. )

As for pronoun headcanons! Margo uses She/They/It/Byte/Glitch pronouns, Gwen uses She/They, and Miles just uses He/Him.

Margo actively does not want her partners to meet her parents because she hopes to move out as soon as she is old enough and has the money to do so. Gwen’s dad is pretty distant from all of her friends but gets close to Miles first, and it takes a little longer for Margo initially because of her own home life, she worries that Gwen’s dad isn’t truly reconciling and is kind of scared of him, but eventually the two connect. Although Miles and Margo both don’t get that close to him. Rio and Jefferson instantly fall in love with Margo, Rio is just like “Who does your hair? You’re so beautiful honey, you’re such a good influence on our boy make sure to watch out for him.” Margo is obviously very happy about this because, parental figures who actually like her!! Rio and Jeff take a while to warm up to Gwen though, although Rio does so sooner.

Margo and Gwen trade clothes a lot, although this is usually their pajamas since Gwen’s normal fashion sense is a lot more alternative while Margo tends to stick to a cuter style. I saw that scene of her trying out different hairstyles and I don’t know I just feel like she’d love comfy and cute clothing, like an off the shoulder top and jean shorts.

Miles has his art… Gwen has her music and… Margo has her fashion! Of course I like to think her main hobby is more technical stuff like programming but I think she’d desperately want to sew when she moves out. She didn’t have the need to before because well- she didn’t express herself much as Margo Kess and really only did so with her Spider-Byte avatar, which is an avatar afterall.

All three of them are smug and snarky but in different ways and sometimes they all kinda tease each other and it’s amazing. Margo and Gwen are also pretty sarcastic but Miles doesn’t do sarcasm well and thinks they’re serious HWJDBJEE although if Margo and Gwen heard anyone outside of their friendgroup being sarcastic they’d be like????

Margo, Gwen and Miles go on a double date with Pavitr and Gaytari and Hobie is there too but chills in the corner casually being aromantic and teasing the alloromantics is his passion. Valentine’s Day is a capitalistic scam and you all are falling for it!

Margo: I just started taking estrogen! Miles: That’s awesome my top surgery is next week! Gwen: Wow I can’t believe we’re all trans and in love! Hobie: Ay I just murdered Norman Osborn haha

Gwen and Miles are the only sporty ones out of the trio and Margo will never understand it ( she just like me fr )

Um um um those are the headcanons :3 let me know if any of them are culturally inaccurate? My mind is always open!

[casicroaks]

Tiffany Valentine has two things in her mind: love and murder. The origins of the brains behind the infamous Lakeshore Strangler and the string of broken hearts she left along her way to Chicago, interwoven with the development of the tempestuous relationship between her and a certain Charles Lee Ray.

CHAPTER 2

[ CHAPTER 1 // CHAPTER 2 // CHAPTER 3 // CHAPTER 4 // CHAPTER 5 // CHAPTER 6 // CHAPTER 7 // CHAPTER 8 // CHAPTER 9 // CHAPTER 10 // CHAPTER 11 // CHAPTER 12 // CHAPTER 13 // CHAPTER 14 // CHAPTER 15 // CHAPTER 16 ]

NEW JERSEY, 1984

“Honey, I’m home!” I said in a sing-song voice as I stepped into my apartment. Not that anyone would answer. I lived alone. I just liked saying that out loud.

I hung my coat and threw my heels off to the side, groaning from having to walk all the way from my workplace to my home. It wasn’t that far, but my last good pair of shoes had fallen to pieces a week ago, and I was still softening the new replacements. I knew I needed to go shopping one of these days. I had only three pairs of shoes: the new red heels, some indoor slippers, and the old leather boots which I was still figuring out a way to wear with my everyday outfits. I really had no excuse not to go get myself some new shoes… Especially since, once a week, I passed by the big shopping malls on my way back home, when it was all lit up with its neon lights and looking real pretty. I admired the clothes, the shoes, the jewelry in their glass cases, trying my best to hype myself up to at least consider buying myself something, like a little present from me to me… But there was nothing I really wanted. Despite working at a beauty parlor, I didn’t care much about looking beautiful anymore. I had the same dresses as before, and I was content with them. Not happy, really. I was never truly happy with the way I looked. Just content. And spending that money I was saving (and that I always ended up spending on groceries and rent) on dresses I didn’t have any interest in just seemed like a stupid idea. Still, I went to the mall every week, like a parishioner returning to the church. It was just something to do.

The little mirror I had nailed to the wall beside the front door gave me back a blur, and I silently chided myself for not stopping by to fluff my hair and check on my makeup. Just like the shoes, even if I had gotten my hair styled quite some months ago (as soon as I had my last break-up, actually) there was still a slight discomfort to seeing it. Like I didn’t quite recognize myself yet, and I didn’t know when I would. I had tried a new hair dye, for once: I had already been blond, brunette… Anything but going back to my original black color. So, red it was. Bright red, like my mother’s.

I read once that the reason women use red lipstick instead of any other color was to attract attention to the lips, since red’s the most eye-catching color in the spectrum. Going into my little kitchen I wondered, was I desperate for attention? Yeah, probably. Was I horny as hell, already tired of my own hand and too broke for a battery-operated alternative? That too. If there’s something I learnt from working at a beauty salon is that a change of image does wonders for a woman. Even something like dyeing your hair can help you feel like a whole different person. And for the first few days, it felt like that. I tried being happier, smiling more, adding a little skip to my step, doing all the bullshit self-help articles, radio therapists and motivational speakers on TV said one should do to be happy. Tough luck. I kept wanting to leave everything, my job, my apartment, change my name and start over somewhere else again (as if that would really change anything), or just skip town and scream in some field or abandoned grounds until my lungs gave up. Like that had worked so well last time. I was so goddamn pissed at everything, and there was a point in which I couldn’t just chalk it up to my breakup. The money always ran out, even when my pay wasn’t that bad, even as I tried to eat less, watch less TV, stop going to the movies, cut down on everything but the most basic expenses. And then, then I felt like I was starving, and it was a constant pull and push between spending my week’s earnings on convenience store snacks or loading it all inside my mattress, saving up for… Something.

Really, I simply had nothing to look forward to.

Maybe I should get a cat, I thought, opening the fridge and having a gulp of milk straight from the carton, before realizing it tasted sour and spitting it out. Well, maybe a dog, then… But I remembered what Arlene had told me not too long ago. A dog, a cat, a bird –they can and will all just up and leave when they get the chance. So much for loyalty. And cages were not cheap.

I remembered I still had some discount tequila left. I had been smart then, and bought two bottles. I was about to pour myself a glass, ready to change into my nightdress and spend the night watching TV, maybe order some Chinese food, and fall asleep in the couch, and do the same the next day, though most likely without the tequila. Or I could go straight to bed (I had heard that sleeping early did wonders for one’s skin) but I wasn’t tired, just exhausted… What I wanted most was to turn off my brain. Turn off my brain, and have a good screwing. By lack of a warm body to share the place, though, the best option I had was to lock myself up in my drab apartment, find the energy to try and finger myself, and watch TV. What else was I gonna do that night, and the weekend after that, after all? Listen to my mother’s voicemails? Eat three bowls of cereal for dinner again? Try to hook up with some rando who might just keep me occupied for a couple hours?

Yeah, that was exactly what I did.

I sighed, leaving the bottle on the cabinet, and went back to put on my coat and my shoes.

“Another night, another day goes by… I never stop myself to wonder why…” I hummed to myself, giving my lipstick one last touch up in front of the bathroom mirror. “You help me to forget to play my role…”

One could say I was looking for love in all the wrong places. And that was probably right. I knew I was looking for some sort of commitment, but… Let’s just say that searching for Prince Charming in a pig pen just isn’t the best way to go about it. I was ashamed of it, I’m not gonna lie. I had hoped I would never have to get into that sort of situations. After all, I was never interested in short-term-relationships, and I liked to think that I was better than casual sex… Not that any of the people I met up with were particularly, interestingly nasty anyways. I knew what I was getting myself into, what sorts of places I became a regular of. And, admittedly, I met some handsome men, a few pretty girls. Don’t get it twisted, though; always used protection, always checked they didn’t have the shadow of a wedding band. I was killing time, but at least I was gonna be careful about it. Just because I dyed my hair red and was feeling blue didn’t mean I became someone else completely. It just meant now I was a redhead, and feeling blue.

“I, I live among the creatures of the night…  I haven’t got the will to try and fight…” I sang quietly, biting down on my cigarette’s filter to keep it from being blown away by the wind on the street.

It was a cold October night, and I felt the upcoming winter on my bare legs. The shops were already decked out in their Halloween décor, to my delight. I had made paper garlands and a few other decorations to make the beauty parlor extra spooky for the festivities, but Shelley had told me that it wasn’t necessary… That people didn’t really care about all that when they went to have their nails done. What a bunch of bull. Everyone loved Halloween! And those who didn’t, they were just buzzkills. I hang the decorations anyway. But not even Halloween managed to lift my spirits.

Not too far from the dance floor of the club, just enough for me to people-watch comfortably, I nursed something called a Blood and Sand instead of my usual margarita, having decided to treat myself for once. All things considered, I was simply expecting a mediocre screwing, to be kicked out of some guy or gal’s house which I would never set foot in again, and to head back to my apartment just in time to eat Chinese and cry while watching All That Heaven Allows on the late-night programming.

I had no idea that this was the night that would change my life.

“Hey, Red –what’s new?”

I was approached by not one guy, but by a guy and his girl.

“… Is there anything I can do for you?” I asked the man who had made the question.

Of course, though, I knew what they had in mind. The blonde was kinda cute, with her big eyes and smug grin like a Barbie doll, in an easy-to-forget eye candy, background-dancer-in-a-music-video kind of way. But the guy, with the triple whammy of rather long hair, black suit and tie, and having somehow both childish and sharp features, had a much more interesting sort of odd charisma to him. He was a weirdo, no doubt about it. But I liked his style. I never told him this, but he reminded me a little bit of Heath. Maybe he just happened to be a bit high when we met, like Heath used to be constantly. Maybe it was the hungry eyes, or something in the smile… I didn’t know why, but even as I kept my sight on the girl, I was always aware of his presence, even as he walked behind us on the way to the hotel.

The blonde (I think her name was Leah, or something?) was clearly a newbie. It seemed like she had learnt anything about fucking a girl through some porn movie or something. She kissed me, but not much else; she moaned and sighed and giggled as if she was having a ball, writhing around me, rubbing herself against me. I had barely even touched her. All tease, no action. I knew her type all too well from maybe two or three bi-curious girls I had met through the same methods. Too overexcited, too self-conscious, too eager to please… Please herself, that is, and in this case, please the guy watching. She turned to glance at him every few seconds, as if she needed constant approval to continue. Didn’t seem to be thinking about me at all. It was easy to assume how that would translate when we actually did something. So much for the red hair, I thought, but I tried to have fun, regardless, as I pushed her down and climbed on top of her, pulling that tacky necklace off of her, showing her how it was done. I was a bit disappointed the guy had decided he was just gonna watch, but to each his own, I thought. Maybe he’ll come in later, when we’re already turned on, I guessed.

So… Well, if I was surprised by being approached at the bar by the two of them, I was straight-up baffled when the guy grabbed my shoulder and pulled me off the bed and onto my knees.

“Hey—!”

For a second I thought this meant we would be switching, which honestly was a relief, since despite my best efforts I was getting a bit tired of her. But then he put his hand on my nape and stood over me, and I saw what he had in his right hand. The least subtle knife I’d seen. Where and how had he managed to smuggle it in? I smiled. So that was the plan, I realized. I glanced at the blonde, letting it all sink in. Had I stepped into some kinky Bonnie and Clyde situation? Were they into some fetish stuff we hadn’t discussed beforehand? But then I looked back at the guy, into his cold blue eyes, and I finally understood this was no roleplay. He wanted to kill me, stab me until I dyed the carpet deep red with my blood. So that was what turned him on. No wonder he had seemed as bored as I was feeling so far.

And I was feeling rotten enough to actually be thrilled by this.

“Do it,” I told him, as soon as he held me by the back of my neck, pressing my throat with his thumb, before I could even think it over. And when I did, I just smiled wider. I really wanted it. After all, if he killed me… Well, at least that would spare me having to wash the dishes that night. And if my life was really going to be what it had been for the last year or so, then I didn’t care much if that was how it ended. And, if he didn’t kill me… Then –what a chicken, right? Who goes ahead and pops out a big-ass knife, ready to charge, with another woman egging him on, only to not do it? What can I say –I was curious. Besides, it would be almost hilarious; what would we even do then, if he didn’t kill me now? Would he apologize for the inconvenience and leave? Would we just go home, like when bad weather cuts a ball game short?

Did this guy really have that killer instinct? Would he actually go through with it?

And he still doubted. He kept looking at me all confused. I wondered if he had done this before, and whether he thought I was special, in some way.

“Do it to me, now,” I insisted, keeping the grin firmly drawn on my face. But I kept staring back at him, watching how he faltered. Seemed like there were a hundred thoughts rushing through his head, his hand unsteady, his eyes shifting, and yet they always went back to mine. It was strangely intimate, that balance we had going, him holding me down on my knees and threatening me, but with me having a kind of control over the situation. I wasn’t screaming nor whimpering, I wasn’t intimidated at all, and that clearly threw him off his rhythm; and it was all truly much more exciting than whatever whatshername had been trying to pull in the bed.

And, because she was being ignored and she just needed to hog the spotlight, Blonde started whining. We both glanced at her, having forgotten she was there at all. The man looked back at me for a moment. She was getting in my nerves, and it was likely she was getting in his, too. If he wasn’t gonna kill me, then I might just ask him to borrow his knife and get that woman to shut up—

But then, as if he had just read my mind, he turned towards Blonde –pushed her against the floor –and stabbed her once, twice, thrice, nice and deep, right between the ribs, with the quick, confident pull and push of a professional. Oh, he had killed before. He was not a newbie at all.

And without missing a beat, he turned to me, actually smiling. “Hey, Red, wanna play?”

This had been a test all along, I thought, barely containing my giddiness. He offered me the knife. He really trusted me with it, to go on with it… Even though Blonde was gasping her last breaths already. But still, even if it was just scraps, it was hard to say no.

I let out a giggle when I got my hands on it. With both hands, like I used to. I got closer, still on my knees, and looked down at her body spread beside us. Blonde sure didn’t look as smug anymore… And then I stabbed her. Push in, pull back, with that nice wet sound, with that warmness that came with the splattered blood. My hands remained away from her, grasping the handle, but it was as if the knife had become an extension of myself –yes, I could feel her guts, sinking a bit deeper with each stab, pushing harder and carving a space inside her for me to dig through, making sure to go as far as possible, to the other side of her torso, to let the blood flow freely out of her, for it to splash all over me…

Boy, had I missed it. And even as I focused entirely on my task, becoming more and more excited, I noticed him (Charles, Blonde had called him) out of the corner of my eye, moving along with me to the thrust of the knife as I stabbed her over and over and over –and the way he did so, back and forward, tensing when we went back, letting go when I pushed on, as if guiding me from the side…

I closed my eyes and let out a euphoric laugh in sheer exhilaration, covered in Blonde’s blood. What a pleasure it was. The coldness of the night was gone, I felt my skin burning, my heart pounding, and I had forgotten all about Chinese and TV night. My lust for life had returned. God –I felt alive.

“Wow… It’s never happened like that before,” I admitted with a giggle, looking back at the guy. It wasn’t my first time killing, of course, but this was certainly different. I never had someone beside me, warming it up for me, for starters. Never had a partner in it. Maybe I never saw it as a bonding activity before. It always had been just a slipup, an accidental thing, sometimes a way to blow off some steam, perhaps even a bit of an embarrassing little secret. And there I was, thinking I had left it all behind me a year ago…

But now there was Charles, kindly inviting me along. How could I possibly refuse?

I put a hand on my chest and I frowned when I realized just how different I sounded. “Is that me?” The pure glee of it had probably caused me to slip. Shit… I thought I had managed my voice so far. Found that perfect balance between cute and sultry and kept it up for years. Now, my original voice, my annoying little voice, was back. Shit, shit, shit. Just when I had found a guy I could be truly myself with…

“Oh, it’s definitely you,” he said with a grin and a snicker, coming closer, embracing me. I smiled again, biting my lip, tasting the fresh blood. He picked me up and took me to the bed, and finally, finally I felt that great special rush of adrenaline, that kick I had been looking for for years, there, kissing him, tasting the blood on his own lips. I pushed his hair back, slick now, wanting to see his face. Charles. His cheeky grin, the devious twinkle in his eyes, his boyish charm… I could see myself getting used to it. I could see myself growing to love that face of his.

“Boy, you really know how to show a girl a good time,” I chuckled, and he joined me with his own. He leaned forward to kiss me again, but I wanted us to be properly introduced to one another, to get that out of the way. “I’m Tiffany.”

“I’m Charles,” he replied, now in a different voice, a low snarl that sounded almost menacing. But I wasn’t afraid of him. Why, after that whole display, he couldn’t scare me even if he tried.

“Know what, Charles—” I said, taking a moment to catch my breath. “You should be Chucky.” It went without saying that it would be on account of how much he liked to laugh. And besides, Charles was far too formal. And now that we had shown each other the wickedest parts of ourselves, I felt it was only natural to become more familiar with the other.

“You know what, Tiff…?” Chucky said, raising his eyebrows, giving the body on the floor a quick glance. “… You should be blonde.”

Well, good news for him, then, I thought with a smile. Bleaching black hair was a lot easier than going full red. However, as I gripped his blood-stained shirt and pulled him back in for the kiss he’d been wanting, feeling just how eager he was to keep going, he would be stuck with a redhead for the time being.

You know that one song that was all the rage that October, Like A Virgin? It was like that. Shiny and new, indeed. Best fuck I had in a very long time, truth be told, if not ever. Not that I was gonna tell him that, get his ego that blown. I would have never guessed the weirdo with the hair and the suit had it in him… But Chucky was always full of surprises.

I’m not sure how long passed then. During the eventual cigarette break, bathroom pause, and one moment in which we raided the minibar, I noticed that there was light out the window, but when I checked later, it was pitch dark. Neither one of us checked on the time at any point. I guess neither of us had anywhere better to be than there. And it suited me just right.

Apart from the pit stops, though, we truly managed to keep ourselves entertained for quite a while. What broke the spell was, because it couldn’t have been any other way, Blonde’s natural decomposition. We had switched again and now he was on top of me. I was taking him in and kissing him back, sinking my nails in his back, not a care in the world –when there was the weirdest squeaking noise, loud enough to make both of us stop right then and there. Chucky and I exchanged a quick awkward glance, but decided to simply ignore it. We went right back to what we were doing –and there was the sound again, not a squeak anymore, longer than before. He moved back and let out a deep frustrated sigh.

“Hey… I promise I won’t judge you or anything,” I said, drumming my fingers on his thighs, looking up at him as he kneeled on the bed. “… But did you just rip one?”

“What? No!” he exclaimed. “Thought that was you—”

“It wasn’t me—!”

He let out a bitter chuckle. “Right, won’t judge you or anything…”

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” I insisted, leaning on my forearms to prop myself up. “Y’know, it’s… It’s totally natural and stuff, I guess… But it wasn’t me—!”

There was the noise again, and now that we were both aware of it, we noticed the direction it was coming from. Blonde had gotten bloated and her skin was turning waxy. And, in the silence we kept for the next few seconds, we got another toot, clearly coming from her body.

The two of us burst out laughing. I had heard of bodies becoming gassy after death from some documentary on TV, but I really wasn’t expecting it to sound exactly what gassy sounded like. And apparently it was the music hour, because she kept passing wind for a while –to both our disgust and amusement.

As funny as it was, we did have stinky worm food in our hands. Once we finally calmed down, he suggested stuffing it into the closet and forgetting about it. The issue kept turning in my mind though. And what a pity it would be if we were forbidden to return to such a nice hotel some other time, if some other time could become a possibility… So, I proposed to use his handy knife to chop it up, put it into a laundry bag and throw it into the garbage. That way, at least, there wouldn’t be a dead body to link us to it. Even if it would still be hard to explain the amount of blood.

We dragged Blonde into the bathroom and took turns to hack her up. Once that was done (and it took quite a while, since we also had to break a few bones) Chucky stuffed the slabs in the laundry bag while I hosed the bathtub to get it as spotless as I could. I also took a moment to rinse Blonde’s nice purple corset. I could easily mend the stabbing holes, she was more or less my size (maybe a bit smaller), and it would’ve been a shame to throw it away along with the meat. Only then, with Blonde’s parts finally packed up and ready to go, we realized that it would seem a tad suspicious to leave through the front door while missing one person, and now carrying a big stinking bag.

“What d’you suggest, then?” Chucky asked me. I looked at him, and then at the window behind the messy, blood-dotted bed, and smiled.

I opened the window, the two of us picked up the bag and, with some effort, raised it and tossed her out into the street where it fell on the pavement with a crunch! Luckily it was either really late or really early, and there was nobody on the street to notice our suspicious behavior.

“Did it rip?” he asked, peeking out the window, lighting a new cigarette.

Hard to say with the little light. Since no blood pooled around it, though, we concluded the first half of the operation was a success. Chucky gave me an impressed little glance as he put on his coat. I put on mine, smiling wide in my satisfaction, dangling my heels in one hand.

The second half of the operation was to run like hell out the emergency exit. We giggled like schoolkids as we rushed down the stairs. He was a bit faster than me, since I was practically bouncing barefoot on the concrete steps. I gave him a couple light kicks to tease him, slipping my hands on the handrails. We weren’t rolling around naked anymore, but I was still dizzy with excitement, unable to wipe the smile off my face. Once we got to the backdoor, which was partly locked (that surely had to be a safety hazard), it was Chucky’s moment to impress me. He handed me his cigarette for safekeeping, and with a sniff and a quick rub of his nose, walking a few steps backwards, he got the momentum he needed –hopped for a bit where he stood, as a sort of warmup –and ran towards the door –and gave it one hard kick –managing to get it wide open. He grinned proudly, turning back to see my reaction, and I laughed and clapped. We hurried back to the street, to the bag that was waiting for us, circled by curious stray dogs, which fortunately hadn’t managed to open it and which Chucky swiftly shooed away. He waited politely for me to put my heels back on.

“I’ve never been around a dead body long enough to see it rotting,” I admitted as we both dragged the heavy bag towards the closest dumpster.

“There’s a first time for everything,” he said with a little chuckle. “And… Well, it was pretty warm in that hotel room.”

I snickered, standing on the tip of my toes, holding the lid of the dumpster as high as I could. Chucky picked up the bag with a grunt, swung it and tossed it into the dumpster, where it landed with a thump!, and I dropped the lid, and the operation was then done. We had both now created and disposed of a dead body. Quite an achievement.

With a long, satisfied sigh, Chucky leaned back against the wall of the alley. He took a drag of his cigarette and then offered it to me. By the faint yellow light of the lamppost beside us I noticed the pinkish lipstick stains I had left on it. I gazed at him as he blew the smoke. It could just have been some leftover smudges of blood, but judging by the shade it seemed to be that he actually had my lipstick all smeared on his mouth. Something about that sent a chill down my back.

I smiled at him, giving his cigarette a puff. He smiled back.

“D’you have the time, Chucky?” I asked him, leaning against the wall beside him.

“No, I lost my wristwatch a couple weeks ago,” he said, sinking his hands in his pockets. “Why’d you ask?”

“Wanted to know if it’s Monday already.”

He snorted. “Busy day, Mondays?”

I smiled and looked down at my worn shoes. I should have brought the boots instead, even if they didn’t match my skirt and jacket. “… Amazing, isn’t it?” If they had any traces of blood, I couldn’t tell. “All you can do in just one night.”

Chucky sighed and nodded. He handed me the cigarette again.  “Yeah, well, the night’s still young, Tiff.”

We both had to take a moment to catch our breaths. We had run a few floors, dragged a whole person in a bag, been fucking for an unspecified amount of time. Exhaustion was finally kicking in. We shared a cold but comfortable silence, and I closed my eyes, feeling the roughness of the brick against my back, the light sting of the bruises on my legs, the quick but steady beating of my heart, and listening to his breathing, and, far away, the sounds of police sirens and ambulances, of cars and trucks speeding by, completely oblivious to us and to all we had done. There really were no people on the streets, only the eventual flashing lights of a passing car. Somehow that made it feel like Chucky and I were the only two people in the world.

I returned him his cigarette. He took one last puff and flicked it into the curb. I wrapped myself a bit tighter in my coat, rubbing my cheek against its fluffy collar, shivering at a cold rush of wind, my knees trembling just a bit. Chucky looked out into the streets, stretching his neck, checking if someone would come near. Then he sighed, turned back to me and looked me in the eye. A moment passed. It seemed it was time for us to say our goodbyes. And neither one of us wanted to be the one to start.

“… I had fun,” I finally said, trying to hide my… My what? My apprehension? My sadness? My curiosity? I’m not sure. I just had this sinking feeling at the idea of never seeing him again.

“Yeah… Me too,” he admitted gingerly. If we hadn’t spent what seemed to be at least one whole day together I would have thought Chucky might have been lying. “It’s… It was an interesting surprise, I guess.”

I nodded, wringing my hands. “Same here.”

He nodded, rocking on the balls of his feet, glancing awkwardly at the sides, as if that were a particularly fascinating alleyway. “So… Well…”

I didn’t care if it made things weird, I wasn’t gonna be the one to say goodbye. I didn’t want to. And I had the feeling he didn’t want to, either.

His face lit up out of a sudden. He rummaged in his pockets and fished out an old receipt and a shaved-down pencil. “Hey, uh, I don’t know if… I mean, maybe…” He chewed on his lip, looking down, clearly embarrassed. “… I don’t know, we might… Get together again, one of these days, or something…”

“Oh—”

“You got a phone?”

I snickered. “Don’t most people?”

He laughed, dropping his shoulders, loosening up a bit. “Shit, you… You know what I mean.”

I chuckled, taking the little flimsy piece of paper, holding it against the dumpster’s lid, and scribbled my phone number in the biggest, clearest numbers I could write. “Here you go, mister.”

Chucky gave it a glance, still grinning, and stuffed it back into his pocket. If there was a good moment to declare that encounter over, it was then. I waited for him to take it. There was already a promise of a future meeting. I gazed at his face, examining it, putting all my efforts into remembering every part of it. He looked back at me, still smiling. He reached out towards my face –and gently tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

That was it. I think that was when I really fell for him. My hair was caked with dry blood, my makeup was a mess, I was exhausted from the effort of running down stairs and pulling a bag with a dead body inside, and the late-night cold had me trembling like a shitting Chihuahua. But he looked at me, and I felt beautiful. I knew that, by the way he looked at me, he thought I was beautiful.

��Um… My place’s just a couple blocks away, you know,” I managed to blurt out.

Chucky’s eyebrows shot right up.

“I mean, if you’d like to wash up,” I said with a shrug. “We’re both looking like butchers, here.”

There was a pause. He seemed to be considering it. Maybe he was wondering if this could be his chance to try and kill me again, in a more intimate setting, somewhere where he might be able to pass it up as a gruesome suicide. Which I wouldn’t oppose, since, after all, anything would be better than to be unceremoniously killed in a random mucky alley. Maybe, though, he was just wondering if it was worth it.

“… Sure,” Chucky finally agreed. I grinned, noticing the smallest hint of a smile in his lips.

And with that, only stopping by the drugstore to pick up a few more condoms for good measure, I showed him the way to my apartment.

We didn’t really wash up, unsurprisingly. Once in the elevator he pulled me to him and kissed me again, and I held on to his shoulder and buried my fingers in his hair, and both of us already knew where this would end. I don’t know how we made it to my bed, but we did, and at least we didn’t have to share the room with a rotting farting corpse anymore.

At some point we did fall asleep, though. I saw Chucky’s eyes closing as he rubbed his lower lip with his thumb. I had bitten him at some point (well, more than once) but that bite was probably most likely because I had been nodding while dozing off in the middle of a kiss. He let out a sigh, and there was the little glow of the cigarette butt he left on the ashtray on my bed next to his leg. As the smoke went up towards the ceiling, I could hear him breathing softly. It was strange, to think of him as anything near the word soft. I huddled against him, covering him with one arm, smiling to myself. I felt a warm hand setting on my shoulder. It was so comforting… Then, I finally fell asleep.

He woke up before I did. I yawned and dragged myself out of bed, my eyelids still half-shut by the smudged mascara, when I saw Chucky standing in his briefs and tee, holding his blood-stained shirt in one fist and a cigarette in the other hand, with his back to the bedroom. I walked up to him, just a little surprised at this.

“Trying to sneak out?” I asked him with a sleepy giggle, taking the cigarette from his fingers.

He glanced at me over his shoulder. I looked towards where he was looking, the chimney mantle, where I had set my doll collection. It was the best place to display them –as if I actually had anyone to show them to. It was small, but I was proud of it. All of them from garage sales, thrift shops, one or two found just lying around in the curb or in a dumpster, waiting for someone to pick them and fix them up. I had only gotten to gluing one of them back together, and the cracks were still pretty obvious: they would be, until I got some new paint to cover it…

I leaned my head on his shoulder. He had his eyes wide open, wide awake, his brow furrowed, staring at my dolls. He seemed to be trying to understand something. For the briefest moment I was nervous Chucky thought I was a psycho or something.

“You like them?” I asked quietly, slipping his cigarette back into his hand.

Chucky remained silent for a moment longer, looking at them carefully, and took a drag, taking his time to answer. I couldn’t read his face. I swear he knew I was anxious about his answer.

“… If that’s your thing, Tiff,” he finally shrugged it off.

I let out a little happy squeak and hugged him tight, giving him a loud smooch on the cheek.

“Well, we all need a hobby, right?” I said with a wink.

He chuckled, and gave me a little kiss on the temple. “Ain’t that the truth…”

Sunlight was already streaming through the window. I went back into the bedroom and put on my nightdress and slippers. There was the buzzing of the radio, and the voice of a newscaster announcing the day’s weather forecast. He already made himself right at home, I thought.

“You got yourself quite a nice little place here,” Chucky commented when I came back to the kitchen.

“Yeah… I’ve been meaning to paint the walls purple,” I said, pushing my hair back. “But my landlord won’t allow it. And I can’t afford to piss him off with rent being what it is…”

“Purple… I can see it,” he said approvingly, glancing around him.

“Where’s your place?” I asked him, letting the hot water run over the dirty dishes on the sink, hoping he didn’t mind the mess too much. “D’you live far?”

“Ridgefield Avenue, other side of the river. By the S46 Bridge.”

“Quiet part of town,” I said with a smile. “I assume there’s not a wide offer of clubs by those parts.”

“You’d be assuming right,” he snickered, fidgeting with one of the buttons of his shirt, scraping the dry blood with his nail. “It’s just where I’m staying for the time being, though. I want to move closer to where the action is, leave the sidelines.”

I nodded and let out a sigh, taking in the sight of my little apartment. It wasn’t that messy, I told myself. I had a couple bags and boxes lying around from when I moved back in after my last breakup, but mostly everything was in its proper place, and it was pretty clean, all things considered. The only issue was the kitchen, the dirty dishes that had piled up, all greasy and grimy and nasty. Chucky didn’t seem to notice; or, if he did, he didn’t seem to care.

“… What time’s it?”

We both turned to the clock. Two in the afternoon.

“Fuck, I’m starving,” he groaned, hanging his head backwards on the edge of the chair’s back.

As if agreeing with him, my stomach let out a low grumble. “We got some… Some cereal…” I said before taking the box out of the shelf and realizing there was just enough for a spoonful. “We had some, at least.”

He got off the chair and picked up the rest of his clothing. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, shooting me a sideways glance while I opened the fridge, bent over and checked if there was something for us to eat.

“There’s nothing in the fridge save for expired milk, one moldy tomato and some stale bread…” I sighed.

I really wasn’t expecting any visits, after all. Even less a visit that would be staying for a meal. Best I could do was some coffee, but that wouldn’t cut it on an empty stomach.

“Do you, uh, happen to have any money on you?” I asked him, closing the fridge and looking at him over my shoulder.

“Yeah,” he said, zipping up his pants. “What d’you have in mind?”

I opened my eyes wide. Was he inviting me out? “… There’s a nice burger place ‘round the corner,” I suggested.

Before leaving the apartment and venturing out into the streets, though, we did have to wash up. I had forgotten about it already, but the two of us were covered in bloodstains, from the face to the chest to the arms and even some handprints on our legs. I wet a rag on the sink of the bathroom, sat on the toilet and washed myself off. Chucky leaned over the bathtub and rinsed his arms, face and neck, avoiding the shower just barely to keep his cigarette lit between his teeth. His stained shirt was a whole issue, which we ended up solving by me lending him an old Black Sabbath tee I had from my New York days that I wore to bed when my nightdress was in the laundry bag.

“I’ll take it with me next time I go to the laundromat,” I told him, examining the stains. They were pretty dark already. The cotton had probably already absorbed it fully. “And if that doesn’t take it out… Baking soda has never let me down before, at least where period blood is concerned.”

“Believe it or not, I’ve walked ‘round the street in broad daylight, red from head to toe, without anyone giving a shit,” he said, checking the tee’s fit, while I brushed the dry blood flakes off my hair. “It’s amazing what people don’t see.”

And so, finally looking like model citizens, we went out and had burgers and milkshakes. We were both pretty damn famished, it had to be said. We barely talked while we ate. Soon enough there was nothing but some dropped onions on our trays and ketchup leftovers on our fingers to lick off.

“I didn’t know about this place,” he said casually as he wiped his mouth. “It’s pretty good.”

“Yeah, isn’t it?”

I smiled and nodded, tapping my nail against the half-empty cup. I watched him while he sucked on the straw of his strawberry shake, wondering what would happen now. Now that we both had cooled off for the time being, I was half expecting Chucky would decide that I was a loose end, and would try to find a good moment to tie that up. So far, though, everything seemed normal. Too normal. It was like an average date with just some guy. Seeing him no longer colored by the red glow of the club, nor by the bright yellow light of the hotel room, no more blood splattered across his face, and now enjoying a burger like your average Joe, wearing my old tee, it was almost as if everything that had happened had just been a weird wonderful dream.

Though, I have to admit, I was still kind of thrilled at the fact that I had met someone who shared my specific interests.

“Hey, uh… Hope you don’t mind me asking,” I said after swallowing my last bite. “… What’s your body count?”

“Boy, I lost track years ago,” he laughed as he leaned back. “Why, do you still have yours?”

“Um… Let me think,” I said, and got to counting with my fingers. “… Hm, Heath, Jordan, Maxine, Mimi, Kenny, Tony, Carole, Roy, Leanne, Gavin, Ronnie, Elliot… Mark… Uh, I think this one’s name was Zach… I must be missing someone, but I think those are the ones I remember the most… So, say around fourteen, fifteen. What do you think of that?”

Chucky hummed, resting his head on his hand. He thought about it for a minute. “… I mean, you know all their names, for one. So you clearly keep it personal.”

“Well, yes,” I frowned. “I’m not interested in total strangers—”

“But our first shared one was with a stranger, though,” he noted.

I blinked, a bit surprised by him specifying first. “Yeah, well—”

“Was that your first time with just, you know, a random person?” he asked, leaning forward, barely holding back a grin.

“I’m not telling you…!”

He let out a short but loud laugh. “So it was!”

I huffed. “So what if it was?”

“You’re, like, in your mid-twenties, right? So fourteen, fifteen’s not that bad,” Chucky shrugged. Now I was really curious to know his death count. I had the feeling he did remember it, but had decided that leaving that to the imagination was more impressive. “But you could do better. If you opened yourself to other options…”

I scoffed. I was thrilled, I was into him, yes –but I wasn’t that much into being talked down to. “So you say I should just go around and fuck up the first fella I come across?”

Chucky smiled even wider. “You did. I just gave you the chance. And hey, I’m no hypocrite, I won’t fault you for that. I’m just saying…” He leaned back on his chair, picking his cup and offering a toast. “It’s not exactly impressive, but you got promise, Tiff. Fifteen’s nothing to sneeze at.”

He probably knew I wasn’t really that offended, and soon enough I smiled back at him. Nobody had complimented me on my death count so far. We clinked cups, and I finally realized that Chucky wasn’t gonna kill me. There was something he saw in me that he liked. Or maybe he just wanted a side piece. I’m not a mind reader, I couldn’t know for sure. I just knew that I had fun with him –more fun than what I had had with anyone else –and that I liked the idea of staying around to see what happened next.

“I’d love to… You know, do something like this again,” I said, twirling my hair. “If you’re up to it.”

He tilted his head. “Go out for burgers?”

“No, silly,” I chuckled. “To… Meet again. Do something…” I just couldn’t blurt it out. I giggled, despite myself, becoming a bit flustered. “You got my number, so… If you ever, say, wanted to… To do something…”

“Are you talking about—?”

“Both,” I interrupted him, just as a mother and her child passed us by. “Both… Both would be great.”

Chucky looked at me, slowly realizing what I meant, and nodded. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, remembering when he did that, and fidgeted with my earring. We were no longer alone with each other. We were surrounded by other patrons at the burger place, by families with their kids, by people chatting on the street… But none of it erased what had happened when we were together.

I noticed that Chucky still had a little cut in his lower lip, where I had bitten him.

I smiled. Yes –it had all been real.

“What, do I have something on my face?” he asked me, scratching his cheek.

“No, it’s nothing,” I said, looking down, still smiling. “I’m just… I’m just happy I met you.”

We had already paid. It was about to be three o’clock. It felt like we had been together for a whole week. And still, we didn’t know how to say goodbye.

“Well…” he said, shifting uneasy in his chair. “… What’s next?”

“I –I got a job,” I blurted, immediately regretting it. “And, uh… I guess that—”

“Right.”

“So… Besides, you surely got your own stuff, your own life to go back to—”

“Yeah,” Chucky nodded quickly. “I’m a very busy man.”

I just barely stifled a laugh. “I bet you are.”

He shot me a glare, but then he smiled, too.

We got off the chairs and back onto the street. We walked a bit, just to get the circulation going. I wanted to take his hand, but he had both of them in the pockets of his coat. I already felt the sadness creeping in. I wondered for how long we would keep walking (hopefully all the way to Ridgefield Avenue on the other side of the river) but we stopped by my apartment.

“Well… See you around, Tiff,” he sighed, running his hand through his hair, pushing it off his face.

I smiled. “See you around, Chucky.”

He smiled back. I looked down at his mouth, at the little cut. Even at the risk of staining my teeth with lipstick, I bit down my lower lip, as if I was trying to give myself that same cut. I looked back into his big blue eyes.

And, somehow, we both knew. At this point, even if we hadn’t talked a lot to each other, I felt I knew him inside out. I knew him without saying a word. We moved towards the other –and kissed –and we embraced like that first night on the bed of the hotel room, not too long ago, but which felt like ages –and we kissed. Everyone else in the street disappeared in a blur. There was only us, and the warmth of our bodies, and the white light of day. I knew, right then and there, that this was love.

[thedeluluverse]

Happy Valentine's Day! <3

Even if you are like me and are single as a Pringle today lol, it can still be a good day! Just remember that me and BTS love you hunnies!! <3 Please leave any feedback as I'm still very a new and nervous bean uwu XD

Summary: You get more than you bargained for when you visited Jimin after rehearsal but so does he…oops!

Pairing:  idol!Jimin x F!reader, mentions of other members but nothing sexual happens.

Rating: 18+

Genre: idol!au, dating!au, smut, fluff, established relationship, one-shot

Word Count: 1,870

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI. Swearing, anxiety, explicit content, oral sex (f. receiving), fingering (f. receiving), breast play, dirty talk, pet names, clit play, praise, neck kissing, some hair pulling, semipublic sexual acts, nibbling

It is 2 weeks before the iconic performance of BTS’s ‘Dionysus’ and your boyfriend Jimin Park is still at the stage even though rehearsals ended 2 hours ago. You only had a half day at work, so after some quick tidying around the house, you indulged in some long-overdue self-care. After an orange and wild berry scented bath, a refreshing Vitamin C facemask, and lathering a sweet honey-caramel scented lotion everywhere, you are glowing. You are starting to worry about your boyfriend still being out in the cold November air. Changing from your turquoise silk robe into a pair of comfy grey pajama shorts, your favorite blue cloud sweater, and white combat boots, you decide to stop by and check on him.

Rehearsal went as well as it could, for it was the first run-through on the stage rather than in their practice room for everyone except Jimin. Faced with his mortal enemy, chairs, it felt like he was back to day one of learning the choreography. While the rest of the members kept reassuring him, saying they had plenty of time to perfect everything, he was still embarrassed whenever he stumbled or fell off the chair. He only intended to stay for a half hour once everyone left. Still, his inner perfectionist took over, and the next thing he knew, it was 2 hours later. With the sun having set, the temperature dropped significantly.

He is so focused, in fact, that he doesn't realize you are there until you pipe up with a "Hello??? Earth to my Jimin-ssi!" He is startled, asking, "Oh hey, y/n, how long have you been standing there? You shouldn't be out here; it's freezing if you aren't under these lights." Crossing your arms, you raise an eyebrow glaring at him, "Lights or not, it is FREEZING!! What in the world are you still doing out here?" As you climb the steps onto the stage, he tries to explain himself, "Listen, don't give me that look. Please, babe." He sighs and looks at the ground sheepishly, confessing his struggles with the chairs that day. Your face softens, and your shoulders drop as you reach out and caress his cheek. "I understand, honey, and you can come back anytime you want in the next couple of weeks. Just please come home, I've been missing you all day, and I want cuddles," you say as you take his hands and give your best pout-puppy dog eye combo. He grins at how adorable you are, kisses your nose, and asks, "Can't I just stay 1 more hour?" You tilt your head, giving an annoyed look, and both attempt to convince the other to do what they say for 5 minutes.

            The wind picks up, and you shiver as you notice his face has changed from a pleading look to a smirking one. "Um, when did your flirt king side join the chat?"

You ask, confused. Chuckling, he steps towards you, stating, "Once, I caught your scent through the breeze just now. Hmmm… I wonder if you taste as good as you smell." He wonders as he tilts his head, holds his chin, and smirks. You are caught off guard by this change in demeanor and reply, "I..uh.. hold on! Your tricks aren't going to fool me tonight, Mr. Park, no, no, noooo... We are going home, and no flirting will make me change my mind. Let's go; practice is over." As you head towards the stairs, he lightly grabs your wrist, stands behind you as his hands land on your hips, and whispers into your ear, "Oh, I agree. Our staying here another hour has nothing to do with the performance. Like I said, I want to find out if you taste as good as you smell, darling."

Your eyes are wide as you try to maintain a regular breathing pattern. Having been so busy, you've barely spent time together lately, and today you had been intensely craving his touch. Hesitatingly you ask while turning around to meet his gaze, "b... but… aren’t we going to be caught?” your eyes scanning the area. He gives a very Cheshire cat-like grin, letting you know that he has been the only person there for hours and even has a key to lock up. "Not that I'd care otherwise. I just want you so bad right now, y/n." You stare at the ground biting your lip as you consider this proposition. You answer, "well, if you are 100% sure we are alone, then I gu-“your words are cut off by a deep kiss as he cups your face causing you to stumble backward into the prop table. Mutual giggles echo throughout the late-night air and are quickly replaced with passionate kissing and light moans as your hands travel around each other's bodies. As your hands knock off his hat and dishevel his hair with one of his hands on the small of your back and the other wrapped around your ponytail, giving it a slight tug, you break the kiss to catch a breath.

            Looking concerned, he asks, "Are you okay? Was that too much?". Your lust-filled gaze meets his as you shake your head; panting, you say, "No, I'm fine. I just wanted to say that I'm down.". Surprise overtaking his features, he says, "wait, really?!?!". You laugh at his reaction and drape your arms around his neck as you kiss from his neck up to his jawline between words, "don't. make. me. ask. again." smiling against his skin. He lifts you onto the table, grinning, saying, "whatever you want, princess." "Oh, thank god," you exclaim, confessing, "I've been craving you all week, Mochi."

Laying you down, he hovers over you, sliding his hands under your sweater, grabbing your breasts, and teasing your nipples. "Well, that makes two of us, sweetheart," as he leans down and nibbles your earlobe making your breath hitch.

He leaves a trail of kisses down your neck before pulling down your bra, swirling his tongue around your hardened nipples before working his way to the drawstring of your shorts. As he unties the bow, he gives teasing pecks on your clothed cunt, making you whimper, losing patience. This elicits a chuckle as he remarks, "Looks like my little slut is eager now, isn't she?" you exhale in frustration. "Yes. Yes, I am, please… I’m aching for you…”.

Following that confirmation of neediness,  he pulls down your shorts and lacy underwear with a fierceness you had never seen before. He widens your legs as he barely grazes your clit with his fingers tracing down your pussy. "Damn baby, already so wet for me," he boasts as he slowly slides two fingers in and out. Then, covering your lips with his as his tongue gives light flicks to your clit, gradually increasing the speed along with his hand. You grip the sides of the table as you press yourself into his face, loudly moaning, "fuck baby, just like that!" you say while trying to breathe. Feeling you pulse around his fingers, signaling you are close to your climax, he removes his fingers and slightly nibbles at your inner thighs. Propping yourself up on your elbows, you look puzzled and remark, "Um, Hun, I  didn't  say evacuate…." He smirks and says, "Oh, I know, trust me." Before you can reply, he wraps his arms around your thighs, pulling you closer to his face stating, "I wanted to make sure I didn't miss a drop, my love."

After giving a few passes along the length of your heated core, his tongue explores every inch of your pussy. Taking great care to lap up every drop of moisture, not wanting to waste any of your preciousness. Having made you cum a few times already, he decides to turn it up a notch. Maintaining rhythm, he pushes on your lower abdomen, circling your sensitive clit with his thumb making you practically leap off the table. Your body has finished shaking from your final climax, and Jimin places a soft kiss on your lips, letting you taste yourself. Your limbs collapse against the table as your breathing slowly returns to normal, and you get dressed. In the meantime, Jimin takes great care wiping off and cleaning the prop before you head home.

The next day rolls around, and you sleep in because between it being your day off and the events of last night, you plan on not doing much of anything right now. Jimin, however, had to get up early to get a quick workout before meeting everyone else at the stage for rehearsal. His anxiety spikes as soon as he gets there due to flashbacks of last night and paranoia. The worry is that they will be able to tell (or smell) that something happened mixes into an uncomfortable cocktail of emotions which causes him to do even worse today. Everyone else notices and checks on him, very confused since he said he stayed late last night practicing the choreography. He laughs it off, saying, "yeah, I did. I just uh… didn't get sleep well." At this very moment, you show up with hot chocolate and Yeontan for all the warmth and serotonin since it is brutal outside.    

You place the drinks and the dog on the table, handing the leash to Jin while you hand out the beverages. Yeontan starts feverishly sniffing the table (cue heart attack for poor Chim Chim). After about 10 seconds, Taehyung remarks, "That's weird. He normally doesn't investigate an area that long." Jin immediately bends down to try and assess the reason for this abnormal behavior. He informs everyone that the staff must've super cleaned the prop due to the wind being wild lately because it has a strong cleaning product smell. Tae promptly moves Yeontan to the ground before he licks the chemical residue. Jimin lets out the biggest exhale in his life. With this reassurance that y'alls secret is safe, his confidence returns and nails the routine.

As you drive back to the house, you cannot help but ask him why he was acting so weird and fidgety. He tells you about his irrational fear, and you cackle in response because you know he did a better job cleaning up after the fun than he does his own house most times. In response, he pouts as he faces the window and crosses his arms, upsettingly saying, “Aish, it's not funny, y/n-ah!! I was terrified all day!!". Even though it technically was his idea, you apologize and reassure him that you won't bring it up again. He feels guilty that he snapped at you, so then turns back to face you, saying, "It's fine. I'm sorry. I don't regret it one bit and would do it again in an instant if given a chance," as he smirks and grabs your thigh.

Grinning, you blush as you pull into the driveway and say, "No objections here. First, though, I think you could use some stress relief". You raise an eyebrow and leave a quick kiss on his cheek before exiting the car as he remains in shock for a moment before running inside to accept your offer for fear you will change your mind.

[valyalyon]

February 2030

Previous Post | Next Post DIE MASTER LIST OR #LYONDIE DIVIDERS

CW: dub con, former exes reconnecting, first person POV, main character is separated from spouse, love interest is divorced, explicit language, smut, unprotected intercourse. MDNI. 2.7K Words.

What can I say about February of 2030? Is there really anything that will make me sound like a decent wife?

By February, my blue eyed eldest son, Theo, was 6.5 years old and in first grade. He was doing really good and I was happy watching him learn.

Theo was a friend to all at his school, but not really a class clown. He was easily popular because he was kind and funny, but he was quiet and respectful of authority.

He always had a smile on his face, and it always got wider when he saw his brother in school, or when his mom would pick him up at the end of the day.

My honey-eyed middle son, Leon, was 4.5 years old, attending preschool. He was also doing really well in school, and took it very seriously. I thought it was adorable.

Leon was a more quiet young boy than his older brother, but it didn’t mean he was rude. He answered questions in class, and interacted with the teacher if they’d interact with him.

His honey, deep focus stares and silence were a little intimidating to other students, though, so he didn’t have as many friends. He didn’t seem bothered by that, and I hope he never is.

My dark eyed daughter, Eden, was turning 3 years old in April. She was a very talkative little girl, with sweet, fiery eyes. For 2 hours during each work day, she spends it either at daycare or with a friend/family member.

The rest of the time, though, my daughter is by my side. She watches me so much, and speaks to me in Spanglish words of her own creation. I love hearing her talk, and she’ll talk all day if I tell her that’s what I need.

Like her brothers, though, she’s sweet and understands not to push me. She never even slightly gets on my nerves, and if she makes a mess she tries to clean it. Feelings are also important to her, so if she ever catches herself being mean she stops.

I’m a lucky mother, in that sense.

I don’t even remember the day it started happening, but Julius found where I was living and started bringing Anthony around whenever Theo and Leon were home from school.

I allowed them into the house every afternoon for over a week. Julius and I kept our distance on the couch as we watched our kids all play together after school. I didn’t mind it because I know that Theo had missed his friend, so I was all for having Anthony around.

Within a few days, Julius mentioned he had purchased a house in the neighborhood and that Anthony would be going to school with Theo. He offered to come get us in the mornings for school, or to wait at the bus stop with us.

The next week, we’re waiting at the bus stop together with the boys, and waiting for them after school. It’s not anything, we don’t even really talk at first.

I would sit on half brick walls at the bus stop, and just enjoy the nicer weather in the afternoons, with Julius standing near by at a respectful distance.

We would talk to each other at that distance, catching each other up on our lives, or asking if the other knew about an event at the school.

This only lasted the first three days of that week, and by Valentine’s Day, Theo, Leon and I were running late and had missed the bus. Julius came with Anthony, and picked us up.

We dropped off the boys at their school, with me getting down to hug my sons tightly and tell them, “I adore you boys, take care of each other and have a fun day. Make sure to give your cards and candy to your classmates.”

They both said they hugged me back, squeezed back in the embrace, and then ran off.

Anthony hugged Julius’ leg real tight, and the man lifted his son and gave him a big squeeze, “have a good day, kiddo.”

He helped his son back down and Anthony ran to catch up with Theo and Leon. The boys were stopped before the doors of the school, waiting for their friend to join them.

I kept watching until they all disappeared into the school together, and then told Julius he could drive away.

While we had been able to talk while our children were there, the absence of them now only created an incredible silence between us.

We hadn’t been alone with each other in over 5 years. He wasn’t the same 20 year old man that I fell in love with, he was going on 32 now but had never stopped taking care of himself.

His body was strong, his muscles pressing tight against the sleeves of his shirt. His brown hair was still as curly and thick as it’d always been, with his matching beard trimmed close to his face.

He drove just as safely as he always had, but the tension in the car was growing.

I took into account my outfit, realizing my thighs were bare and exposed. I tried to turn my expression away, but I felt as though he kept looking my way. I cleared my throat, playing with my fingers.

Why was I still so attracted to him after so many years?

“We really shouldn’t do anything,” I mumbled to myself, then looked up at him.

He was driving slower into the neighborhood, “should I take you home?”

“Maybe that’s for the best,” was what I said, but then our eyes locked on each other’s. His dark brown eyes melted my honey eyes, “I’m afraid it’ll escalate if we’re alone for longer.”

Julius nodded his head but mentioned, “you’re separated from him, though, and I’m divorced. If ever there’s been a time for things to escalate, well, it’d be now.”

I nodded my head and looked at the man’s attractive face and body. I tore my eyes away and shook my head, “I’m still married.”

“You’re separated from an abusive, drug addict,” his words were a little harsher this time, but I knew why.

He was playing my game, my way.

He knew how much I liked dominance in sex, so he becomes combative before hand to make me fight him. Then proves that he’s stronger than me and that he has a place in my body even if I protest.

“You’re a jerk,” I remarked, dropping my eyes from him again as I told him, “let’s talk, but not at my house. My friends are there with Eden for a little while.”

He made his way down the other street to his house, and turned onto his driveway. He parked, unbuckled himself and turned to me. Julius grabbed my face and kissing me hotly.

I didn’t protest right away, letting him kiss me since I felt there was a lot of built up pressure between us.

After a minute or two of our tongues dancing, I pulled away, and mumbled against his open lips, “show me around your house. We’re only going to talk. We can’t have sex, Julius, we absolutely can’t.”

He nodded his head and pulled away, getting out of the car. He came around and opened the passenger door for me.

Julius walked me into his house.

The lights were off and the windows cracked open, the light streaming in and fresh air flowing through the house. It was meticulously clean, with Anthony’s room being only a little messy from toys.

I was happy they had moved close, I was happy Theo and Leon had a friend in Anthony. The house was beautiful, too.

“I want to show you the master suite,” Julius told me, taking my hand in his and guiding me towards the stairs.

“We’re not going to have sex,” I told him bluntly.

He laughed and shook his head, “of course not.”

Julius lead me up to the third floor of his home. This third floor opened into a tight hallway, with a door at the end for the master suite. The hallway had windows every few feet, leading to it being well lit and feeling more open than it actually was.

Walking in this hallway with two people was not easy, and I leaned on the wall for a second to let Julius get ahead of me.

He turned around, and came back to where I leaned on the wall, proceeding to stand in front of me. He put an arm on the wall by my head to block me, and the other hand went to my waist.

I felt stupid, but at the same time I knew I was wet. His hand trailed down, going in between my legs and searching for my clit, “isn’t this such a claustrophobic hallway?”

“Your windows are open, what if someone sees us?” I protested in a little moan, as his lips came onto mine, and his tongue began to enter my mouth.

“Do you want me to fuck you out the window? So everyone in the neighborhood can see?” Julius questioned, rubbing her clit with the searching hand while his other hand started going to her panty to remove it.

I stepped out of my panties when he tugged them down, and he smacked my ass when it came off.

I moaned, my eyes looking up at his, “please don’t… just show me the master suite… We can’t do this.”

He got down on his knees in front of me, and started to eat my pussy.

I was moaning loudly as I felt his tongue swirling along and into my vagina. He held his thumb against my clit and I rocked my hips, giving into the pleasure.

His hands roamed up, squeezing my breasts and playing with my nipples as he continued his assault of me. My moans just kept getting louder, especially when he started to finger me while his tongue worked on my clit.

In our steamy session, he stopped and stood, lifting me and carrying me into the master suite.

He walked me to the bed, threw me down and climbed on top of me. He rubbed his bulge against my opening as he kissed me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck to keep him close.

While I didn’t push him, I did pull my lips away from his to protest, “we should stop now, we’ve already gone too far. I’ve already cheated on my husband. Julius, we can’t continue.”

He didn’t pull away immediately, instead his hands trailed down my legs, and he looked into my eyes, “I will never tell him. I want you, Dolores, you know I do.”

His fingers returned to my pussy, and my legs were already spreading for him. My lower body had a mind of its own when it came to Julius, I didn’t even realize I was giving in until his eyes met mine.

“Once, but… we can’t… not again,” I tried to put a boundary in place.

So, we did. We fucked for about half an hour, and it came to a stop when Julius began cumming inside my pussy.

Now that it’s done, there’s not one thing that I would change.

As his balls released everything he had into me, my phone rang and I saw it was from my friends. Since they were watching my daughter, I didn’t want the call to go to voicemail.

I quickly pulled away from Julius and grabbed my phone, answering breathlessly, “hello?”

“You okay? You were supposed to be home 20-30 minutes ago,” Natalie was less worried about the time, and more so worried that I had gotten in some trouble.

“Julius wanted to show me his house,” I replied, quickly rushing around the room to throw my clothes back on.

My friend let out a little laugh on the other line, “actually, if you want to take more time, then… Feel free. I’ll watch Eden for an hour longer?”

“No,” I walked over to kiss Julius goodbye, but he grabbed my hand to stop me, “I’ll be there in less than 5 minutes, Nat, thank you so much.”

“Love you, Dolly, see you soon,” Natalie replied, hanging up.

“Don’t walk, I’ll take you in my car… You look like you’ve been ravaged,” Julius told with a chuckle, and kissed my hand.

I swallowed my pride, “okay, but stop. Stop trying to be intimate with me. We aren’t going to have sex again, that was the only time.”

He nodded his head, agreeing and walking me back to his car.

…

The next day was a Friday, and I decided that morning that my sons and I would meet Julius and Anthony at the bus stop. This was my attempt to keep the agreement we made the previous day. I couldn’t sleep with him again.

When the bus came and picked the kids up, all the parents except for Julius and I left as soon as they saw their kid enter the bus.

I always waited to watch the bus drive away, waiting for it to disappear from my line of vision. A part of me felt that if I didn’t oversee the bus something might happen.

Once the bus disappeared, Julius stood up and held his hand out to me, “let me walk you home.”

I looked at his hand, and placed mine in his slowly, looking up into his eyes as I spoke, “what happened yesterday is not happening again, Julius.”

He responded in the affirmative that he understood what we had said the day before. He didn’t argue, and just walked me home.

Maybe this is where it all went down hill, but I didn’t have a sitter for Eden that morning so I had taken her to daycare… If she was there, I wouldn’t have invited him in.

When he stepped in through the door, it was instant. He lifted me off the ground into open mouthed kisses, and I couldn’t fight with him because I was wet.

He carried me onto the dining table, where he fucked me in multiple positions before we ended up on the couch.

I’m pathetic, but again he’s cumming inside me by the end of it and the worst part was that I begged for all of it.

I gasped as I caught myself at the end of our second rampage, “Julius… I don’t know why I give into you.”

“Your body remembers that I took your virginity,” he offered as a response, kissing my shoulders and back, “how could you ever deny me now when nobody stands in our way?”

He was unfortunately very correct.

…

Saturday, he came over in the late afternoon with Anthony so the kids would be able to play. The timing made it so that all the kids would be playing during bed time, and I was slightly frustrated trying to put a cut off in place.

Julius, though, had other plans, and suggested that we put the kids to sleep when it was time and continue talking to one another.

By 8pm, I was doing night time routines with my kids. Julius and I put everybody to bed, with the boys all together and Eden in her room.

Now, readers, can you guess what my lovely, stupid self did again?

Bingo!

I slept with him again. This time we started on the couch in the living area, only to finish in the master bedroom.

In typical stupid brain dead Dolores fashion, I let him cum inside me again for the third time in three days.

Sunday morning was no different.

I woke up in his arms, and within minutes we were having sex again.

I was stifling my overwhelming moans, feeling all nine inches of his cock as it ripped me apart.

For the fourth time, I felt his cum filling me but for the first time my mind began to swirl with understanding of what I had been doing.

ngl I had a bit of a rough time writing DIE lately as I've had more inspiration for SEA. however, DIE is getting close to the end of the story! Not sure yet, but I only have a few more ideas and then DIE will be done. thanks for your interaction and love :) I'm glad my stories have reached your eyes.

SONG REFERENCES Francesca by Hozier

[fandoms-my-fandoms]

Here is a list of 50 of my current all time theatre dream roles (musicals and non-musicals) because I am a female acting major who is having trouble in believing my dreams for my future are attainable at this current moment:

1. Christine Daaé - Phantom of the Opera

2. Emily Webb - Our Town

3. Belle - Beauty and the Beast

4. Katherine Plumber - Newsies the Musical

5. Elizabeth Bennet - Pride and Prejudice

6. Veronica Sawyer - Heathers the Musical

7. Maria - The Sound of Music/or/West Side Story

8. Hodel - Fiddler on the Roof

9. Zazzalil - Firebringer

10. Eliza - Hamilton

11. Laurie Williams - Oklahoma

12. Cinderella - Into the Woods/or/Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella

13. Narrator - Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat

14. Princess Anna - Frozen the Musical

15. Hermia - A Midsummer Nights Dream

16. Elphaba - Wicked

17. Glinda - Wicked

18. Éponine - Les Misérables

19. Winnifred the Woebegone - Once Upon A Mattress

20. Miss Honey - Matilda the Musical

21. Ariel Moore - Footloose the Musical

22. Dorothy Gale - The Wizard of Oz

23. Lucy van Pelt - You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown

24. Princess Fiona - Shrek the Musical

25. Viola - Twelve Night

26. Hermione Granger - A Very Potter Musical Trilogy

27. Ginny Weasley - A Very Potter Musical

28. Eliza Doolittle - My Fair Lady

29. Leading Player - Pippin

30. Natalie Haller - All Shook Up

31. Miss Saundra - All Shook Up

32. Cosette - Les Misérables

33. Princess Ariel - The Little Mermaid the Musical

34. Eva Peron - Evita

35. Maureen Johnson - RENT

36. Mary - It’s A Wonderful Life

37. Sue Snell - Carrie the Musical

38. Truly Scrumptious - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

39. Johanna Barker - Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

40. Molly Aster - Peter and the Starcatcher

41. Gertrude Fail - Failure: A Love Story

42. Brooke Ashton - Noises Off

43. Megara - Hercules the Musical

44. Mary Poppins - Mary Poppins

45. Nora Helmer - A Dolls House

46. Queen Elsa - Frozen the Musical

47. Charity Hope Valentine - Sweet Charity

48. Fanny Brice - Funny Girl

49. Anya - Anastasia

50. Jane - Tarzan

There’s probably even some that I forgot to put on this list that should probably be in the place of some of these other roles, but I did want to incorporate roles from non-musicals as well. I do acknowledge that this list is still very much mostly musicals, but I fear I have not read many straight plays. Also, most of the work I’ve already done is musical theatre. Which is why I’m an acting major. I want to be exposed to more pieces of theatre that don’t have singing and dancing. There are a bunch of shows that I would love to be in, but don’t necessarily have dream roles solely because they are either ensemble heavy productions or they would just be really fun projects to work on. For example, my school, Illinois State University, just did Bonnie and Clyde the Musical. That shit was GUT WRENCHING. I would have loved to be apart of that project. I don’t exactly have a dream role in that show because every role in Bonnie and Clyde is so essential to telling that story. I am however, working on my first MainStage production here at ISU. I am playing the Nurse in Equus. Again, not a show that I had any dream role going into being cast in this project. But, this story is very heavy and unique. I have never worked on a show as different and dramatic as this one. I am really excited to be part of this cast, and I will be happy to post information about this show in the weeks to come, or you can message me and ask for more details! Thanks for reading my extra long blog post for today! :)

[eadanga]

The Valentine's Day Gift

Emily headed to her car after a long day at work she sighed as she entered What a day I can’t wait to go home She looked at her phone Wow look at the time I hope I can give Chris his Valentine’s day gift and still make dinner for the two us it’s nothing fancy but at least we’re doing something for Valentine’s day She turned on her car and drove towards the house she pulled up into the driveway and grabbed the gift bag out the trunk. She saw that all the lights were off Is he home? His car is in the driveway did he take a walk somewhere?

She slowly opened the door and saw the lit candles everywhere and rose pedals on the ground she sees a note

Follow the rose pedals

She grins as she follows the rose pedals out the backyard and sees Chris standing there beside a table with a candlelight dinner He grins when he sees her “Hi there beautiful”

“Chris what’s all this?”

He smiles as he walks towards her and hands her a bouquet of flowers “Just a little something for my beautiful wife” He kisses her forehead “Happy Valentine’s Day baby”

Emily blushes “Same to you baby” She smells the flowers “They smell so nice thank you Chris”

“Anything for my wife now let’s have dinner” They sit down and have dinner Chris raises his glass and looks on with concern when Emily doesn’t raises hers “What’s wrong baby?”

“Nothig Chris but do you mind if I have water?”

“Not at all” He pours her a glass of water “You ok honey?”

“I’m fine Chris let’s enjoy this meal did you make this?”

“Yeah I left work early to make sure it was ready for us”

“I love that Chris” She digs into the meal and takes a bite “This is amazing”

“Thanks it’s my first time making this so glad it came out right”

“It’s amazing Chris”

He takes her hand and squeezes it “I just wanted to show you how much you mean to me and how much I love you”

“I love you too Chris”

Chris stands “Now let’s go into the house I’ve got something for you”

Emily grins as she follows him inside and he gets a bag from under the kitchen table “For you”

Emily smiles as she opens the bag then her eyes go wide at the sight of the red shimmering dress “Chris…”

“I know that will look great on you” He smirks as he leans in and whispers “It’ll even look better on the bedroom floor”

Emily playfully shoves him away as she blushes furiously “You know how to make me blush so hard”

He chuckles “I love it when you do” He wraps his arms around her and kisses her deeply

“Chris…”

“You drive me so crazy Em”

“Mmmm Chris”

“Hm?”

“If we continue like this I won’t be able to give you your gift”

Chris chuckles “Well show me”

Emily gets the gift bag out from the living room “Here’s part 1”

“Part 1? How many did you get me?”

“3 first open this one”

Chris smiles as he opens the gift he grins “Oh I love this brand of sneakers and the color is amazing but isn’t this really expensive?”

Emily giggles “Well I know how much you wanted it so I saved up as much as I could”

Chris kisses her softly “Thank you Em this is amazing”

“You ready for part 2?”

“Oh yes I am”

Emily gets a small box from her purse and hands it to him Chris unwraps it and his eyes go wide at the sight of the pregnancy tests “Emily are you?”

“Yes that’s 3 test I took and I got it confirmed by a doctor” Chris grins as he picks her up and spins her around Emily laughs “Chris!”

He sets her down “This is the best news you could ever give me that explains why you didn’t want any wine how far along are you when did you find out?”

“I took the tests 2 weeks ago and I went to the doctor last week you know you can’t trust these home pregnancy ones”

“I know and I’m so glad you did” He places his hand on her stomach “That’s our baby in there”

“Yes it is Chris”

“I love you Emily”

“I love you too now for the last one”

“Oh after those two I can’t wait to see this one”

Emily smirks and whispers “You’ll have to unwrap me to get it”

Chris smirks “Oh I can’t wait to see this one” He lifts her up “That gift is not complete though”

“What do you mean?”

“That gift comes with you screaming my name”

Emily giggles as he carries her to the bedroom

Tags: @indiacater @mfackenthal @the-soot-sprite @jared2612 @darley1101

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Carpe Diem - Chapter 4

Pairing: Sketchbook (Kaisa/Johanna)

Summary: Carpe diem: one of the five latim mottos of the arcadist, or neoclassical movement. Literally translates to "seize the day"

Picking up where Locus Amoenus left off, this fic follows the lives of Kaisa and Johanna for a couple weeks as their feelings grow and develop. At some point there will be a couple of weeks of hiatus, but for now this fic will be updated weekly.

Notes: Happy Valentine’s day! This is your reminder to go reblog aromantic stuff because they deserve to be trending. It’s the smallest compensation we can give them for putting up with our bs (and also objectively funny)

Most of Kaisa’s plushies are ones that I have in real life, you should find them easily enough by looking them up on the internet, but the catowl one comes from the fan made familiar that hilda tumblr gave her! Link to the original post: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/waddles-ex-machina/180462531236

This is another one of those chapters that became too big and had to be cut in half, so there will be a second chapter this week as well but then 2 or 3 weeks of hiatus for reasons beyond my control :’)

Read it on ao3 or read the first installment on this verse or read the second installment on this verse

When Kaisa was dropped off at her house that night, Tildy was in the kitchen giving their dinner its last touches, and Frida was by her side at the sink, washing the dishes that their mother had used to cook.

“Welcome back, sugar pie!” The greeting reached Kaisa’s ears as soon as she turned to lock the front door. Sometimes she swore Tildy had supernatural hearing to go with all the other clearly out of the ordinary things about her. “How was it?”

“Pretty nice.” She said as she dropped her bag with two small candles carefully on the sofa. Later, she’d pick it up and put the candles in her room, where she could feel soothed by their scent while she studied, but for the moment being she let them lie there while she headed for the kitchen.

“Is that so?” Tildy prompted, sounding amused as Kaisa walked closer to give her a kiss on the cheek. Kaisa hummed an affirmative sound as she moved to do the same with Frida.

“Did she comment on your makeup?” Frida asked to Kaisa’s back while she rose on her tiptoes to put the honey jar she’d acquired in the overhead cabinets. Considering this was a house of pygmies, it felt like a really bad design flaw that those had been built so far above the ground.

“Not really. She only told me I looked nice when I got in the car.”

Honey safely tucked away, Kaisa put herself by Frida’s side and picked up the kitchen towel to dry the dishes she was washing.

“And was that the actual word she used?”

“I don’t know.” Kaisa shrugged as if she couldn’t see why that was relevant, failing to notice how Tildy hovered over the kitchen door with a tray, not wanting to go place it on the table and miss the gossip. “I think what she said was ‘so beautiful’, but she’s very polite. It is a very nice set of clothes you picked for me, anyhow.”

Though Kaisa couldn’t see it, Tildy looked like she would slap her own forehead if she wasn’t holding a hot tray, and Frida craned her neck to give her an “I told you so” look.

“Sure, Kai.”

They were sitting around the table in no time, and even though Kaisa didn’t think the single pastry she’d eaten earlier at the market was enough to sate her hunger for the entire evening, there was a nervous, coiling feeling in her stomach that made Tildy’s delicious cooking not look so inviting. She still grabbed some of the rice with lentils and the mix of steamed legumes, though, even if only in order to not worry her family.

“This Johanna sounds lovely, sugar.” Tildy said at one point, after they’d asked her to narrate her afternoon. Kaisa didn’t understand why they were so interested. They’d all been at the market a couple of times before, even if usually it was to accompany Tildy on her search for cooking ingredients. “You should invite her over sometime.”

Chewing on a mouthful of legumes, Frida nodded at Tildy’s suggestion, making Kaisa lift an eyebrow.

“Really? Would that be okay?”

Truth be told, she’d been daydreaming about inviting Johanna for a visit for a couple of weeks now. Not only did it feel appropriate, since by now she’d already seen her house and spent lovely times in it, but also she realised she wanted Johanna to meet those spaces that were essentially hers. She wanted her to meet her family and see where she’d come from and where she wanted to go. At this point, she already knew she could trust her with those bits of herself and know that they would be treated gently.

Tildy looked at Frida before answering, but quickly saw that the two of them were in the same boat. She wasn’t inviting anyone into her home without both of her daughters being fine with it, of course.

“Oh, yes! Any friend of yours is welcome here, you know this.”

With her fork, Kaisa pressed down on the small mount of rice with lentils, making it crumple. “Could I invite her over for lunch next Saturday, then?”

Both of them assured that yes, of course, that would be just fine. As Kaisa continued to daydream about having Johanna meet her lovely family, said lovely family stared at each other like a war had just begun.

“Get ready to lose.” The stubborn set of Tildy’s jaw and the furrow between her white eyebrows said.

“You wish.” Frida’s relaxed face and confident smirk answered.

Next Saturday couldn’t come fast enough.

                                                     ………

The invitation had been popped shyly by Kaisa the following Tuesday, when they were walking from their seminar to Johanna’s house. Edmund said he’d be out working on the project he begrudgingly took part on, so they decided to take the opportunity to be there without bothering anyone. Johanna had, of course, enthusiastically agreed, and spent the rest of the day feeling lighthearted about having been asked to go to Kaisa’s house and take part in one of their family programs.

Now, standing on the last one of the circular stone tiles that traced a path from the sidewalk to their front door, Johanna wondered where that excitement had gone, and how it had turned into such dread. The butterflies in her belly sounded more like a swarm of wasps, now.

Wasps serve a crucial role in the ecosystem, her cousin’s voice in her head reminded her. They’re pollinators, and do pest control, as well as decompose biomass. You’re not in bad company, even if it feels uncomfortable.

Doing her best to allow the metaphor to steel her nerves, Johanna took a deep, steadying breath and knocked three times on the door.

There was the sound of some commotion coming from inside the house, though Johanna couldn’t make out any specific words, and soon the door swung open to reveal a satisfied looking girl with a messy, curly bun atop of her head.

“Good afternoon!” She greeted politely. “You must be Johanna.”

“I am!” Frida stepped aside to allow her in, and Johanna bowed her head slightly in thanks. “Frida, am I right? I’ve heard a lot about you, it’s lovely to meet you at last.”

A mischievous spark was lit in Frida’s eyes when she answered. “I could say the same.”

Before Johanna had the chance to think too much about how Kaisa apparently talked about her to her family, she heard the noise of frantic feet on wooden boards just before the girl herself appeared at the back of the corridor Johanna was standing in. Her face was flustered, and her hair was still wet, the strands falling straight on the sides of her face without their usual volume. She still looked cute as hell.

“Anna! Sorry, I was just finishing getting dressed. I see you’ve met my sister.”

Johanna, turned towards Kaisa as she was, didn’t really understand the tone with which Kaisa had said that last sentence, nor did she understand the glare that she was giving the child, but that was mostly because she couldn’t see the knowing smirk on the child’s face.

“Sure took your time with it, Kai.” Frida said sweetly. “Never saw you dress so nicely when we had guests over.”

Kaisa was, indeed, looking very nice. She wore a plain grey shirt under a fluffy looking cardigan with a checked pattern, and her skirt had a whimsy embroidered pattern. Her leggings were also grey, and her shoes were black buckled doll shoes. Though Johanna was biassed to say so, because she always thought that Kaisa looked gorgeous, the clothes suited her very nicely, so she didn’t get why she seemed annoyed that her wardrobe choices had been pointed out.

“I like to switch things up.” She hissed through clenched teeth and pink cheeks. Any signs of irritation had vanished when she turned her eyes to the guest.

“Tildy is still working on lunch, but would you like to come meet her?”

“Of course!” Even though Frida had been nice enough, the wasps returned as if on cue at the prospect of meeting Kaisa’s mother. “I’d love to.”

After smiling at her, Kaisa guided her through the entrance corridor, which ended with a staircase to an upper floor to the right, just beside a passage that led to another room. Though the door to said room was only half open, she could see stacks of books inside, and made a mental note to ask Kaisa about it later. They turned the opposite way, to the left and into a cosy living room. It had a fireplace and a couch, as well as one well loved armchair and a coffee table at the centre. On the wall behind the seats, there were some majestic paintings of viking boats, but the eyes of any observers would immediately be drawn to the large framed picture of a teenager Kaisa reading to a much younger Frida. The sight of it alone was enough to ease Johanna’s nerves.

A doorless passageway separated the living room from the eating area, where a glass door to the backyard let sunlight in, illuminating the long wooden table with eight places on it. She didn’t have any time to look out into their garden, though, because Kaisa kept moving to a door that, when opened, released a delicious cheese scented steam into the air, making the mouths of them both water.

“Johanna’s here.” Kaisa said briefly to the person inside, and not two seconds later the woman came out.

Tildy was not at all how Johanna had imagined. She was much better, in every way. Even if all that Kaisa had told her about her led her to believe she’d given her children a healthy upbringing, she could never help but wonder where Kaisa’s rigidness and obsession with perfection had come from.

Probably not from here, she concluded as the grandmotherly looking woman walked over to her wiping her hands on her (no longer) white apron, all smiles and sweet words.

Once introductions had been made and Tildy had assured her, profusely, just how long she’d been wanting to meet her and the amount of good she did to Kaisa, she suggested she showed Johanna around while the meal wasn’t yet ready. All the while, the girl herself had been looking like all she wanted to do was bolt and hide behind anywhere big enough to conceal her face. While they both offered to stay and help however they could, the woman insisted on it, asking simply that they called for Frida to come help set the table. Which was just as well, because Johanna herself had been beginning to feel like she needed to bury her face in her hands and scream. Maybe it was a family thing to want to drive her crazy.

Kaisa took her wrist, making her feel like little bolts of electricity were shocking her wherever their skin made contact, and led her away with urgency. Before they had left the room, however, she gestured to the glass door.

“I’m looking forward to showing you outside later.”

Frida was in the living room when they arrived there again, and her sister briefly told her to go help with the table. She went without a problem, but not before smiling at Kaisa and Johanna’s linked hands.

“The living room is probably… self explanatory.” Kaisa said, then pointed to the wall with the paintings. “Tildy got those as a gift from the artist who illustrated one of the editions of her books. I don’t know if I ever mentioned this, but she used to research Scandinavian history before retiring.”

Johanna would most certainly take her time to appreciate the technique behind those paintings later, but Kaisa had already moved on. She showed her the family pictures on the mantelpiece, telling the history behind the ones that Johanna asked about. It was all very sweet, and she cooed several times while listening. It was hard to think of any families she’d ever met that loved one another as much as this one seemed to.

Even if they had apparently taken the day to get on Kaisa’s nerves, if Johanna was reading the situation even remotely correctly.

When they walked away from the living room again and Johanna asked what was in the room full of books, Kaisa smiled brightly and ushered her in with excitement.

“It’s our little library!” She declared as she held the door open for Johanna. “Originally, it was just Tildy’s office, but when I took to reading she installed more shelves and added a beanbag so I could keep her company while she worked. And then Frida came, hence the second beanbag.”

The room had an hexagonal shape, and every wall was lined with shelves from floor to ceiling, save for a space for a big window. There was a desk with a typewriter, pens, and a comfortable looking chair tucked under it, and in front of it two beanbags: one purple and the other blue. It was majestic. The sort of thing she was not at all surprised to find in Kaisa’s home.

A tiny snoring sound drew Johanna’s attention to the fact that, beside the desk, there was a dog bed with a little creature soundly asleep in it.

“That’s Cornelius.” Kaisa said when she noticed Johanna looking at it. “He’s been Tildy’s since before I arrived. Good thing that he’s sleeping right now, he can be a bit… much, when awake.”

“He’s so cute!” It was true, even if Johanna couldn’t quite understand what position the dog was even laying in. Was that his head or his belly? He didn’t look like any dog she knew, more like a cloud who had gained free will and moved into an elderly lady’s home. “What breed is he?”

Kaisa blinked, as if it had never occurred to her to ask that question before. “I have no fucking idea.”

When she led her guest up the stairs, Johanna realised that that was where all the bedrooms were. Walking forward a couple of steps when they arrived at the upper floor, Kaisa’s was to the left, exactly above the library.

Holding the door open for her, Kaisa gestured for Johanna to follow inside. As soon as she did, she was struck by the distinct scent of lavender and green tea; she’d never been able to pinpoint what Kaisa smelled like from their brief hugs, only that it was pleasant, but stepping into a space that was entirely hers made it much more prominent. She could also see where the scent came from: there was an empty tea mug on her disorganised desk, along with scattered notes and an open book filled with highlights and annotations, and on the table by the side of her corner bed there was a mason jar with some fresh stems of lavender.

Johanna felt like she’d stepped into the room of a ghibli character.

“Sorry for the mess.” Closing the door behind her, Kaisa apologised, referring to the couple of clothes laid out on the bed and the remains of frantic revising on the desk. As she did so, she scratched at the silver band on her left middle finger with her right index one. A gentle breeze was coming in from the open window, making Johanna long to settle with a book on the cushioned windowsill seat. “Lost track of time this morning and forgot to put my stuff away.”

Johanna turned to her with a sympathetic smile. “Hey, we’re friends! You don’t have to hide any part of yourself from me. When people like each other, they enjoy even the messy parts, right?”

Just when Kaisa felt like she’d finally stopped blushing due to Tildy’s extremely unsubtle comments to Johanna, here she was, feeling her face heat up again. She really didn’t understand why, and blamed it on her friend being one of the only people she’d ever met to accept her so easily, and not be afraid to say it.

“Right. Thanks.” She cleared her throat. “Likewise, by the way. I bumped into Edmund the other day on campus, he said you’d been stressed about that cake you baked us not turning out how you wanted. You don’t have to try to impress me, I’m impressed enough already.”

Now Johanna didn’t know if the correct reaction to this was murdering her cousin in his sleep or bursting up into flames, but she somehow managed to keep it together and just smile at her friend. She turned away to pretend to analyse the room further, feeling her heart beating faster.

It couldn’t be a coincidence, right? That Kaisa would say something like this, and that all of her family would act like they were aware of something Johanna wasn’t and use it to drive them both mad? Maybe Johanna’s hope was making her connect all the wrong dots to draw a completely false picture - heavens knew it wouldn’t be the first time - but it had to mean something, right?

Her corner bed was couple-sized, which had Johanna wondering if Kaisa was a ‘starfish’ sleeper and actually needed all that space, or if she was a ‘cocoon’ and simply occupied a ridiculously small part of the bed. Either way, it looked like she wasn’t the only occupant of that space, because a couple of stuffed animals laid atop of it.

Johanna walked closer to them in order to inspect her collection. She recognized a butterfly with floppy blue wings, a squishmallow stylised like the Boogie Man from Nightmare Before Christmas, a pink axolotl, a pokemon whose name she didn’t know (but Edmund would certainly be able to tell her instantly) with a pikachu face on its head and two little eyes where she supposed its belly should be. There was only one she couldn’t understand. It was black, very much so, but it looked like a hybrid between a cat and an owl.

“These are so cute!” Johanna craned her neck to look back at her, noticing a flash of relief cross over her face. Was she expecting judgement for her stuffed collection, Johanna wondered. Because if she was, she was going to personally hunt down whoever gave her the idea that it was something to be ashamed of. “Can I pick one up?”

“Of course.”

Johanna took the cat/owl hybrid in her hands to inspect it more closely. It had big eyes and feathery wings, as well as soft plumes through the course of its tail. Two white fangs were embroidered poking out of its mouth.

“This one’s cute! What is it?”

“That’s Freya!” Kaisa explained as she stepped to Johanna’s side, happy to have been asked about it. “She’s a catowl. She’s… not real, obviously. When I was little I’d ask Tildy to make up stories for me, and she one day told me one about the adventures of a catowl cub. I became obsessed with it and constantly asked her to tell me more of them. So for my birthday, she commissioned someone to sew it for me. I’ve had many stuffed animals in my life, most of which I donate when I feel like it’s time they move on, but this one I’ve always refused to let go of.”

It was only by a miracle Johanna wasn’t tearing up when she thanked Kaisa for the story. Seriously, there was something about that family that made Johanna feel like vomiting a rainbow. If she wasn’t head over heels for one of her daughters, she might just run downstairs and beg Tildy to adopt her too, nevermind that she was legally an adult already.

Placing Freya back on the mattress with the care that she deserved, Johanna turned her gaze to the opposite wall, the one against which the study desk was, noticing that it was covered in framed documents. A quick scan through a couple told her all she needed to know about them.

They were certificates. Of competitions, of successful exams, of course completions, of academic excellence. Just looking at the amount of them felt dizzying, and awakened in Johanna a feeling she would rather not allow to flourish, not in a pleasant moment like this, and not ever.

“Ah.” Kaisa breathed when she followed Johanna’s line of sight. “Sorry. I know this must look self-centred. Tildy encourages me to do it.”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t think it was.” Johanna said, and then cringed at how robotic her voice sounded for a moment. As her mind processed it, she found she needed to ask for clarification. “You mean she encourages you to do all these things, or to put up the frames?”

“The last one.” She answered readily. Of course, Tildy had always been her number one supporter, and any win she got made her mother so happy for her it might as well have been her own success. But there was always something so sad in the woman’s face whenever she noticed how her daughter brushed off any of those accomplishments, and how quickly she ignored her latest ones to go look for another way to prove herself.

Who it was that she was trying so hard to impress was something Kaisa was still trying to answer.

“So you don’t forget how much you have done already.” Was the answer she’d gotten when she was a teen and had asked why Tildy insisted on putting them up. She’d accepted that explanation, and allowed the woman to do as she pleased; it wasn’t like she had been using that wall for anything else, anyway. There had been one time, however, in which she’d gotten a reply that was slightly different, a moment in which Tildy had let her worries slip from her.

She’d been about to put up the framed certificate of a weekend course which Kaisa had skipped her last High School dance to attend. It had caused some trouble between her and the girl she’d agreed to attend with, but it wasn’t like she could force Kaisa to go when she didn’t want to anymore. The girl hadn’t spoken to her again after that day, but Kaisa told herself she preferred being alone, anyway. When Tildy had walked into the room to do it, Kaisa had been studying at her desk, not failing to notice the tight lines on her face. She’d ever gently given her daughter her opinion on not showing up to an important milestone in order to study when Kaisa had told her she was planning on doing it, but it hadn’t been listened to simply because Kaisa felt it was something that would look good on her application. So when she walked into the room, Kaisa had quipped.

“Why put it up if you hate it so much?”

The answer she’d gotten was very much not as light hearted.

“Because I keep hoping that when you eventually run out of space on this wall, you’ll finally realise that you can’t fill your life with anything meaningful like this.”

That night, Tildy had walked out of her room with no further comments, leaving behind a Kaisa that was well and truly alone. And the worst thing had been knowing it was her own doing.

She was snapped out of her memories by Johanna’s soft voice, sounding very much like she was having flashbacks of her own.

“There’s one just like this back at my parents’ house.” She said with a ghostly quality to her words, like she was either talking about a dead thing, or about something she hoped was dead. Memories of days spent lying on her bed, hating herself for not managing to study or prepare for an exam floated around her mind, as well as those of nights spent awake at her study desk without remembering to so much as drink water, but Kaisa could see neither. “But it wasn’t for me. It was in the living room, for everyone else.”

Failing to pick up on why that would be something that would bring her distress, Kaisa looked at her with a smile filled with a sense of kinship and pride.

“An overachiever as well, are you?”

“I was.” Still looking at the wall, Johanna answered. Kaisa didn’t think she’d ever seen her sound so sad, and it both baffled her and made her want to do anything to bring back the Golden Retriever she’d known, even if she had to collect every single frame and throw it out of the window. That girl being upset looked like something that should be illegal. “In many ways, still am. But I’ve been working hard to heal.”

Kaisa opened her mouth, meaning to ask why that was something she felt she needed to ‘heal’ from, but for some reason, nothing came out. Maybe she didn’t know how to ask. Maybe she just already knew the answer. Either way, it didn’t last long, because there was a knock on the door that brought them back to reality, and they heard Frida’s voice from the other side.

“Lunch is ready!” She declared, making them switch glances of relief and excitement. Neither had noticed how hungry they were. The fact that it came with an excuse to postpone this conversation was just a bonus.

Looking at her with a mischievous glint in her eyes now, Johanna was about to propose something when she noticed Kaisa was thinking the same thing. They smirked to each other, wondering who would be the one to make the first move.

And set off in a race to the dining room.

[ediblegardenspointloma]

Six Reasons to Plant Sunflowers

I just planted sunflowers seeds in a six-pack for later transplant to the garden. Last year I grew them next to my zucchini plants with good success.

My thought was to attract bees to the sunflowers and the nearby zucchini flowers for pollination. They were gorgeous together. (Sunflower ‘Junior’ from Renee’s Garden, linked below).

The following text for Six Reasons To Plant Sunflowers is from the Home Garden Seed Association. The photos are from my garden.

Sunflowers are colorful. They are joyful! And due to the many commercial uses of sunflowers—cooking oil, cut flowers, and birdseed are three— they have been the focus of much breeding work. No matter where or how you garden, there is a sunflower for you.

1. To Attract Birds If it’s birds you’re after, plant multi-flowering, branching sunflowers. Birds devour any and all varieties of sunflower seeds. Particularly valuable for most winter birds are oil-rich black oil sunflowers. The seeds are thinner shelled, and easy for seed-eating birds to crack open.

(edible gardens52) A few years ago I grew very tall sunflowers in the vegetable garden. Warm fall days came and the seeds ripened to perfection for the birds. I was off to work one day and came home in the late afternoon to this. I missed the feast but wonder who was in attendance.

2. For the Table We associate sunflowers with vitality and happiness— a bouquet of sunflowers brings these good feelings indoors. Cut the stems at a 45° angle and strip all but the top leaves. Pollenless sunflowers will not drop pollen all over your tablecloth, and they’ll last up to two weeks in a vase. Bees will visit these male-sterile flowers, as they still produce nectar. If you choose to grow single stem varieties, you can space them tightly to produce smaller blooms, or a foot apart for larger flowers.

3. For Pollinators All sunflowers attract a great variety of pollinators, mostly bees. For a long season of pollinator abundance, choose branching rebloomers. The best choices for pollinators are those with fully exposed disc florets—the hundreds (or even thousands!) of tiny center blooms that develop into seeds.

4. For Architecture and Garden Interest There’s no doubt about it, by late summer, sunflowers are showstoppers. For fantastic garden focal points, choose tall—but not so tall that they’ll crash without staking— sunflowers in a variety of shapes and shades. There are many to choose from: big, fluffy ‘Honey Bear’, award-winning ‘Valentine’, deep, rich ‘Chocolate Cherry’. For garden adventure, look for a seed packet that contains several varieties of sunflowers. Shorter, more reachable varieties, such as fully double ‘Teddy Bear’, are ideal for children’s gardens.

5. For Containers If your garden space is limited, look for sunflowers bred for containers. ‘Sunray Yellow Hybrid’ (pictured) branches out to produce up to 14 smallish blooms, and tops out at less than 2 feet. ‘Music Box’ has bicolor blooms with chocolate centers, and grows to about 21⁄2 feet. (Seeds pictured below are from Renee’s Garden.

6. For Good Eating To roast sunflower seeds, spread them evenly on a shallow pan and bake them at 300° until they are golden brown, stirring occasionally. Varieties with large, heavy flowerheads, such as ‘Sunzilla’, ‘Mammoth Grey Stripe’, or ‘Titan’, are the best choices for edible seeds. Another edible option: Sunflower microgreens are delicious and easy to grow. To speed the growing process, soak sunflower seeds in a jar of water until roots start to appear, changing the water every 8 to 12 hours. Sprinkle them close together on a soilless medium and top lightly with the medium. Harvest the greens at about 4 inches tall.