#happy fucking early birthday to me

[alta1312]

bro thinks hes the gift lmao what a loser (i need him)

[wishchip106]

I ACTUALLY NEED THIS GUY SO BAD IM SO SERIOUS

HE NEEDS TO BE THROWN AGAINST A WALL 😭😭😭🙏🙏

i’m debating whether to wait for my birthday or to just buy it now…

[pomegranateteeth]

TOP SURGRY REFERRAL APPROVED!!!

[roaringroa]

they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end

[softnessisaweapon]

got some new tattoos + coffee, gave someone a gift they loved, walked the city to megan act ii + watched teenage euthanasia all afternoon

[silentmoths]

ah yes nothing like coming home from work to the text that your 14 year old dog has to be put down tomorrow

when you'll be down there literally the next week

[killerandhealerqueen]

新年快乐!🐉

Happy Chinese New Year!🐉

Wishing you a prosperous year of the Dragon! 🐉

[trans-estinien]

i keep going back to look at that emet-selch art from mtg. thats literally perfect. thats peak. we've done it. everyone better stop drawing him like an anime boy and draw him like THAT. FOR ME.

[unfortunate--moth]

It's an injury swap fic :3

I had the idea after seeing someone else's injury swap au and wanted to make one of my own hehe

Also yes I do adore angst. This fic will show it. Mwhwhheheheehehehehehehehhe

I'm so evil like her (she is me)

>:) danganronpa. She's from danganronpa. Despair time. Her bday is Wednesday:>>>>

ough an injury swap i probably could've guessed that but i dont think ever when im not writing or drawing. but exciting! i hope writing it goes well for you!

[thewomaninlilywhite]

I was today years old when I learned that Niko is 6'5"

[todayisafridaynight]

Nakaya's around Ichiban's height here on account of the shoes so this is how tall Jo actually should be next to Ichi 😭😭shortest and angriest member of the family GODDD that would've been so funny

I WOULDVE CRIIIED PLEAAAASSEE never forget what they took from us.....

[upperranktwo]

I love how my birthday is on a Sunday! Because that means I get a new KNY episode!!!! This was all planned in advance just for me btw

[romqnticstylez]

nvm being sick was a blessing in disguise im not going LETS GO

[bittersweetblasphemy]

.

[phantomrose96]

Okay I have a story.

So my birthday is this Sunday (May 26th). My mom ordered some presents for me but one of them (an Etsy purchase) was seemingly stuck in transit and might not make it on time. I tell my mom all good, no worries. She gets in contact with the seller. After a long delay in response they get back with "Right we'll fix it!" It ships, tracking label and everything, good to go! ETA May 22nd (yesterday.)

During the work day I check the tracking and it says it's been delivered in/at mailbox! I double check with my mom "hey, is it mailbox size?" because if not, I don't want it sitting at the front door where anyone walking by could snag it.

She says "it's definitely NOT mailbox size." Okay. I text my neighbors in the building "Anyone seen a package delivered? It's a birthday gift from my mom and I wanna make sure it gets inside!" Success! Floor 2 David (not to be confused with Floor 1 David) had brought it inside. Inform my mom. All good!

I stop by home briefly around 4pm, because yesterday was hot-hot and I just installed my window A/C that morning in the living room, and according to my cat cam my stupid cat hasn't spent a single second in the climate controlled living room and is, instead, voluntarily baking herself elsewhere so I'm like "great" and hop on my bike to go home (10 minute ride) to check on her.

I get in the building door. Patches is crying from the top floor because she heard me. I maneuver my bike in the front hall. The ugliest fucking 6-foot-tall cat tree(?)/totem(?)/statue(?) I've seen in my entire life is just. Standing there.

My first thought is "What the fuck is that." My second thought is "Oh fuck that is for me." I look around at the floor in case there's perhaps anything else that might, in fact, be the gift.

No. Me and Cat Pole.

It's taller than me. I turn it around to face me and its face is painted and this is, in fact, uglier than it looked from the back.

Um.

Patches is crying. So I just haul it up to my level. MAYBE it was supposed to come with twine that I wrap around it (and hide its face from the world) for Patches to scratch. Maybe this is a prank. Maybe this is an inside joke, because when my mom moved into her current house the neighborhood gifted her some ugly-as-hell totem that apparently, by tradition, each newest-comer to the neighborhood is required to have and display in their window so maybe this is a very good riff on that.

Patches rubs against it. She's not afraid of this horrid facsimile of her kind.

Great.

Meanwhile SHE'S fine and the condo is a little toasty but totally liveable so I'm like "Good, cool, you're not baking. You're having a good time. Enjoy your new sister, I guess, I'll see you later."

I go back to work because this is a problem for later me.

After work, after my run, after whatever, I get home and it's like 8:00pm and Patches is so happy to see me and the totem pole is still just. There.

I text my friends like "so a bday gift is here from my mom and it's the Biggest Ugliest cat pole I've seen in my life. Is this a bit? Did my mom go 'that's so ugly haha! send!' Maybe she genuinely found it cute. How do I navigate this." My friend Sarah has the good advice to maybe text my mom neutrally like "Got the cat pole!" and feel the waters whether my mom is like "Isn't it ugly? 😂" or "Hope Patches likes it! 🥰"

My mom goes to bed early so I don't do any of that yet. Problem for tomorrow me.

This morning, Patches wakes me up for breakfast. I get her situated and I'm staring at the fucking Cat Pole again. I wonder if my Mom's been wondering all night what I thought of it.

I take a picture. I text her.

Okay.

I get on call with my mom. I ask for clarity that the ungodly horrid thing is NOT my birthday gift and is in fact a mix-up from the seller who sent me this instead of my actual gift. She's wheezing between words. She thinks I'm being too charitable for the amount of Absolute Fucking Ugly this is. I have to gently talk her out of using the word "monstrosity" while messaging the seller asking what the hell happened here.

I tell her I need to apologize for harming her dignity with Floor 2 David, who thinks this fucking thing is my mom's idea of a great birthday gift for her to-be-28-year-old daughter.

My heart goes out to the poor soul who did actually order this cat totem and is lacking it on this lovely day.

[ab-horror]

joaquin's birthday is sunday AAAAUGH I GOTTA DRAW SMTH FOR HIM THIS YEAR