#happy birthday my sweet and terrible gremlin daughter

[crowtrobotx]

Today is Chrysalis's one year anniversary. It's also Lottie's canon birthday! (Yes, I did this on purpose - her birthday was chosen long before I got the balls to post the fic lol.) I am feeling some type of way about it. On the one hand I was hoping I'd be further along, and lately I've been honestly feeling a bit saddened watching commenters/readers drop off bit by bit. I am trying to remind myself it's more than likely just people losing interest in RE8 itself and not a reflection on me or my writing quality, but man it's weird sometimes. Especially given how popular Check Engine was, it's hard not to take it personally! I know it's got the double whammy of OC fic and child fic and for some people that's just intolerable but I don't think I'm wrong for feeling that way and I won't apologize for it! On the other, and more overwhelmingly, I am so proud of myself. I work full time. I volunteer. I am going to school. I have many non-fandom related hobbies I keep up with. Friends. Family. An insane dog. To have written as much as I have is really cool! And crazy! And something I was terrified to do for YEARS, well before the game gave me the inspiration to actually go through with it! I spent the first part of my life unapologetically being a weird little girl, and then when I grew up and went to college and got a big people job I tried to play a part, an acceptable "role" that I thought I had to fulfill in order to meet some nebulous definition of success. Slowly but surely over the last four years I've been reconnecting with the person I tried to smother, and it's been amazing, incredible and just.... I dunno. It's weird when things go so right for me.

Anyway. This story represents a whole lot more to me than just "teehee put the blorbo in situations." I mean, it's partly that lbr, but it's also a gift to myself. It's a way to soothe a lot of agonies I've carried, a way to laugh. I'm going to keep gifting it to myself until it's done, whether I'm the only one around still reading it or not.