#happy birthday! i hope it's been a good one

[noblehouseofgay]

Necklaces

Black Brothers angst

Hurt/no comfort

Oops all angst tm

Jegulus too but it's sad

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Regulus had been too afraid to give Sirius a present in person. So he did what any anxious and easily forgotten person would do; he left it at his dorm with a note, not signed though of course.

It was a small silver gift box with a folded note slipped into the bow.

Sirius,

I originally picked these out for us, but I decided to give them both to you. Let you decide who gets the other half.

Happy birthday

Inside were two necklaces, one with a guitar and one with headphones. They were a pair. They went together. Regulus knew his brother wanted a guitar, and Regulus wore headphones ninety percent of the time. He thought it fit well.

He could've just signed the note, so Sirius would know who to give the necklace to. But Regulus is a devious little bitch who loves to be his own worst enemy.

Hours passed and Regulus decided he'd make good on his promise to James and go to the party tonight. He did his best to look Sirius-approved. He wore a shirt that's a little more revealing and he wore extra rings. However, he wore no necklace. Not yet.

Into the party he went. It was loud and overwhelming, Gryffindors were always loud and overwhelming. He would be fine. He'd find James and eventually have the guts to go find Sirius. Maybe they could salvage things, maybe that would be Sirius' present from the universe.

Walking around, he spotted a head full of messy dark brown hair. James. He smiled slightly at the comfort of seeing him.

That was, until James turned around. A shining silver necklace sat just below his collar. Regulus' chest tightened, tears piercing the back of his eyes.

He gave it to James.

He gave their matching necklaces to James.

Regulus' boyfriend. The boy who had replaced him as Sirius' brother.

How could Regulus be so naive? So hopeful?

Almost tripping, Regulus ran back through the portrait. He held his hand over his mouth, not sure if he was stopping himself from crying or puking.

Everything felt wrong.

How could Sirius not recognize his handwriting?

Or worse. He did recognize it, and chose James anyways.

He'd always choose James.

Regulus would choose Sirius over anyone else on the planet.

Sirius would always choose James.

Regulus slid down a wall, sobbing into his hands. He was to stupid. Always the stupid naive child. Always letting hope slither it's way back in, only for it to be ripped and gutted each time.

He heard footsteps coming. He tried to silence himself, fighting against unstable breaths and pouring tears.

James stood in front of him. He was saying something. His mouth was moving but Regulus heard nothing except ringing in his ears. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the necklace. It was shiny and new, shimmering in the candlelight like a beacon. It was mocking him. Taunting Taunting. Look at what you'll never have. What you'll never be.

"Regulus?" James was on his knees now, a hand lightly on his arm pulling him back to the present.

"That's supposed to be mine..." was all Regulus could get out.

"What? Love, you're not making sense..."

Then James noticed his gaze. He looked down at the necklace, and then back at Regulus.

James was smarter than people gave him credit for. His eyes slowly turned to fear and sympathy. "He said....the note...it wasn't signed...oh gods, Regulus- I- I had no idea. If I'd known- here, Reg, I'll talk to him, ok? I'll-" He started to take it off.

"No," Regulus shook his head. "No, Jamie. Keep it...he chose you."

[austinslounge]

Okay, this is pure speculation and I’m just basically talking out of my ass, but IF the PR relationship theory is true, then Presley may be an indicator. I do believe that all Kaia’s public relationships were/ are PR stunts. So, let me fantasize a little. First, this whole Pete Davidson thing. After dating Ariana Pete was HOT(He still is tbh, I think that he is like cheap hype and publicity for celebs at this point). Cindy and Rande wanted Kaia to be famous since she was 10. I’m convinced that they paid for the articles before she was even legal. Then, as soon as Kaia turned 18, BOOM, Pete Davidson, dating, “candid photos” etc, etc. But then they probably had to break the contract, because Pete was indeed dealing with mental health/drug issues and our favorite helicopter parents finally realized it was a bad idea. I remember these photos of Kaia’s parents outside her apartment, when Pete was “freaking out”. It was late at night and I think it’s strange that the paps were there to witness this whole Kaia/Rande/Cindy/Pete drama. Gives me stages vibes too, tbh.

After Pete, there was this whole Cara thing going on. Presley’s meltdowns, tattooed face. If you read Daily Mails articles about this family in 2020, you can see that there was a lot of strange things going on and their reputation was not good, to put it nicely. Also, around this time Kaia got interested in acting. During this year, there were a lot of rumors and speculations about Kaia’s sexuality, what she has to do with Cara/Ashley etc. And then….surprisingly….she started dating Jacob Elordi! Yeah, right amid sexuality speculations, Presley’s meltdowns and starting her acting career. Her relationship with Jacob looks absolutely the same to me as her relationship with Austin. Stupid staged pap walks, zero chemistry, “happy and in love” articles. The only difference is that she posted something with him rarely on social media, unlike with Austin(Because making even a simple “Happy Birthday” is strictly forbidden, it seems). They date for a year and then suddenly break up. Maybe, this contract was just for one year, as Kaia was only 20 at that time. Besides, Euphoria hype was dying down slowly and there was another star raising on the radar. Austin is actually a very logical target for Kaia’s PR, especially since her family’s obsession with Elvis is creepy at this point.

So, yeah, a month after Elordi split, we have Kaia and Austin. Where did they meet? How? When? No one knows. I’m finally getting to the point why I think Presley might be an indicator of their relationship status. I hate this whole Gerber family, it gives me major Kartrashian vibes, BUT Presley is the only one I like and can tolerate. He seems the most real and genuine. I genuinely appreciate his idgaf attitude, so I think whatever PR campaign Gerbers have for Kaia, Presley is either not engaging at all or doing bare minimum. You mentioned that Presley unfollowed Austin for the first time in 2022. Looking back at her relationship with Elordi. Let’s say the contract was just for a year, maybe at first the contract with Austin was also just for one year, but then they saw how much publicity it brings Kaia and renewed it. Probably they went from one year contract to three. This may actually explain why Presley unfollowed Austin so suddenly this year.

But anyway, this is just my wild imagination. Also, sorry if my grammar sucks, English is not my first language, but I hope you got my point.

Hey girlie! Fantasize away! 😄 I don't mind lol.

But yea, your theory is actually a good one. All we (and even the general public) have picked up on with this couple is that something seems off.

I honestly wouldn't be shocked at all of Kaia and Austin's relationship has always been just PR. I actually think it started as PR. Maybe it grew into something more "real" as time went on, but as of right now, the love seems to have fizzled out in this ship long time ago.

It also seems like she sought him out, and imo, that's always the kiss of death for most relationships with guys. I always kind of feel like the guy should be a little more into you than vice versa if you want a guy who gives you the best relationship.

Another thing, maybe I'm in the minority, but I actually feel like her relationship with Elordi seemed more genuine. He was always hanging around her and her friends even while he was dating Zendaya 😵‍💫, and I think that he and Kaia genuinely had things in common. They're also both kind of weird with weird tastes for things.

I kind of think Jacob had his eye on Kaia even while dating Zendaya. I think she had all the power in that relationship. She even told Elordi early on in the relationship to shave his mullet off. You're only doing stuff like that when the man went after you and you know that the man likes you a bit more than you like him.

With the Kaustin relationship, it seems pretty clear to me that Austin is pretty much running that show. Kaia seems needy, clingy (remember the Taylor Swift concert video? The perfume video?🤭), she changes her personality and habits to fit his, copies what he says in interviews, her family has supposedly been putting pressure on Austin to settle down with Kaia, etc. To me, Austin is clearly wearing the pants in that relationship. This might also be slightly different from the Aunessa relationship, where Vanessa (being older) may have been more of the one to control things. To me, Vanessa seemed way more secure in her relationship with Austin.... maybe because she was older? Or, maybe she just knew that he actually really loved her.

I kind of feel like if Kaia were actually the one who was in control in the Kaustin relationship, she wouldn't feel the need to do half the stuff she's been doing. She'd be perfectly secure in the relationship.

Your thoughts about Presley are pretty spot on. He seems like the least likely to try to keep up a fake rosy-colored view of the family.

He definitely unfollowed Austin again from social media, and hasn't re-followed him like he did Ayo. Make of that what you will.

Btw -- Your English is perfect! 🥰

[thatnonameuser]

Hi, happy 20th birthday. I hope you spent your birthday in good company. And how will yandere react to darling, who has a disease called "Anhidrosis", and he does not feel pain in principle, because of which he acts recklessly and silently strives for death in the hope of feeling at least some pain. And when he finds the most painful way to die, he is sincerely happy. He studies the concept of pain and death and strives to feel it. And honestly says that he is ready to give his life just to feel at least something. (google translator)

Anhidrosis(lack of sweat)confused me for a second but that was Google Translate's fault.

A darling with anhydrosis. And wants nothing more than to experience it, and wants to die a painful death….

This is a half imagine because I'm probably adding another part to this. A smut one.

CW: Dead Dove: Do not Eat if you are triggered by self-harm, voluntary FGM(a mention nothing graphic) or suicide, don't read. I might be breaking my own rules but this idea was very interesting.

At age three you realized that you could never feel pain.

You'd badly skinned your knee, gained from a nasty slip and fall of the swing set, but after you'd fallen all you did was sit and stare at the blood dripping from your knee.

You remember poking it, and feeling only the warm blood stick to your skin, and nothing else. So you kept playing, not caring about the blood running down your legs.

It was only after someone noticed did you realize how bad your injury was. At first, everyone thought you just had a high pain tolerance, or were just being a brave kid. Which you wore with a badge of honor.

But when everyone can experience something you can't, you start to wonder.

What was it like? Would it be good or bad?

You had to find out.

So you started to get hurt on purpose. Jumping from higher ledges, ‘slipping’ down stairs, poking yourself with sewing needles and cutting yourself with scissors.

You did whatever you could to feel pain, but when you got cuts and bruises you didn't get any new feelings.There was no tears, or crying , or the need to complain about how much it hurt.

And you hated it. Every failed attempt drove you to do more harm to yourself, placing your palms into fire, riding bikes super fast without protective gear and crashing, provoking dogs so they would bite you, but..

You never felt pain. You couldn't feel pain.

At first, the people around you thought your acts of self harm were attention seeking, but after you purposely beat your arm with a hammer till your fingers went numb, you were forced to go to a doctor and you got diagnosed.

You were sick, yeah mentally, but physically you were unable to register pain no matter how hard you tried.

And that made you depressed knowing that this foreign sensation was barred from you forever. So you harmed even more. Cutting yourself with blunt knives, pressing hot irons to your skin,every twisted thought you could come up with.

But after your diagnosis, your life was spent being coddled. Knives and tools locked in drawers. The house you-proofed. Teachers and friends made to watch you constantly.

You could never get the opportunity to hurt yourself, and that made you want to die even more. All you wanted was to feel what pain was, and now you couldn't do that either. Your desperation to feed that addiction got worse and worse, it became all you thought about, finding that pain, that total, consuming, and endless pain.

You lost whatever survival instinct was stopping you, and you began to harm with intent to kill. To die. You researched your methods thoroughly, got thrown into a psych ward for your troubles. But regardless, you preserved, learning how to attack the spots that cause the most debilitating pain.

Still nothing.

But you kept pushing, kept planning. Scars cover you now. Everywhere in every place, even what would have been your most delicate and sensitive regions….thought they were hardly sensitive given your attempts.

All you wanted….was to die. Slowly, miserably and as painfully as possible

But then a wrench came into your plans, a carriage to a whole new world. You were a little excited to wake up in a place that was outside the laws of your normal boring society, one that worked completely different, on the jaws of what one person calls crazy, but hey, you weren’t any saner.

Where love is obsessive and smothering, and murder is allowed within Sage Island’s borders.

But you were a darling. And people like you don’t get to be seen as anything more than delicate. You managed to hide it the best you could, not wanting to repeat a life of over-protection and smothering, bu you got caught.

It was an accident really, you forgot to lock the door to your bathroom, and Ace and Deuce found you while looking for you. You were halfway through your bi-weekly cutting when they found you.

They freaked out and the rumors flew fast. Soon everyone knew.

And they all freaked out.

Spells of protection to keep you from hurting yourself, potions keeping you too sedated to think straight. Malleus even put you into a dream world again to prevent you from harming and killing yourself, but you still tried in your dreams.

You started to hate them.

They were no better than the people back home like you were a porcelain doll on a shelf. If you were a doll, you wanted to shatter into pieces so small that you could never be put back together. Wouldn’t that be nice, being broken so badly and so painfully living would be impossible. But they would just lock you up in a padded cell and leave you there to ‘love’ you.

You only wanted ‘love’ if it was torture. Agony. A pain to breathe and to exist where a painful death is the happily ever after.

But two of them loved you the way you wanted, like you were something to break.

The Leech Twins.

The way they loved you was torture. And you loved it.

Floyd, the outwardly violent one, had squeezed you so tightly before that he broke your ribs. You loved watching him attack other students and the bloody messes that would be left when he was done excited you. You treasured the messy, jagged bites he’d give, grateful that he wouldn’t treat you like you were precious. You loved him angry, and the way he hurt you when he was.

And then there was Jade. If Floyd was violent, Jade was completely sadistic. And you loved that too. The complete nonchalance and calm that he’d normally show, mixing with the mirth in his eyes when he poisoned you and watched what it did to you. You didn’t feel anything new, but the way you writhed made you feel the closest to that sensation that you’d craved all your life.

Those two were capable of destroying you and in the Coral Sea they could get away with it.

You would despise being controlled and coddled by the others, but you’d love being finally breaking past that barrier to pain with one, or both you’re not picky, of those two. After all, they were the only ones that could do it.

Besides, life and love weren't a fairy tale. It's ending is death. For you, and it's a happy, painful one.

[syrcus]

hey @ahollowgrave your birthday screenshots thing was such a cute idea ;v; happy birthday!

[mattodore]

birthday boy 🎂

[sn0wbat]

sparkle on, tiberius ✨

[korn-maze]

Happy Birthday JD!

[daily-lightbulbii]

(//i don't normally do text but cw in the tags erm. i went a little off track)

[arolesbianism]

Mental health shit is kicking my ass but at least I have my silly guys

[unreadpoppy]

Nebulizing a dog is harder than it sounds let me tell you that

[shadofiredragon]

~ Queen of Fluff ~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @000marie198!!!

Look- it’s you!! It’s your character on a throne of fluffiness and warmth!! For you truly are the queen of fluff!

Here’s to hoping you have a fantastic birthday today!!!

(P.S. - If you have some modifications you want to make for your character then let me know! I couldn’t show you what I was working on while making her [for obvious reasons] but now just let me know if you want something adjusted!)

[faaun]

. anyway after writing the tags 4 this post i told my research partner i will no longer follow his dreams lmao. still helping w it but i need to engage in research that i find satisfying

[arionawrites]

1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!

[pastafossa]

Not really a question but meh, I just wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY PASTA

Xoxo a dedicated trt thread fan and person who's birthday is the 5th of July

Thank you birthday twin! And a happy birthday to you, too! I hope yours is a TON of fun! Me personally, I'm (hopefully, if I feel ok) going to try to go to the bookstore even if it's just to buy a single book and then sit in the little cafe and rest up for the walk back to the car. 😅AND THEN HAVE CAKE. I CANNOT WAIT FOR CAKE.

[bugsmoocher]

mmaster hcief

[loserchildhotpants]

October grows closer.

It is at once my favorite and least favorite time of year.

Every day, regardless of the month, of the year, I am in motion - my friends tell me I'm too hard on myself, some of them even tell me I work too hard, but I am in motion because I am constantly trying to outrun the obsessive belief that harasses me all day and night; I need to justify the space I take up.

I don't feel this way about anyone else. I don't think anyone else needs to justify their own existence.

I'm constantly looking for forgiveness, for someone to say, 'you've finally done enough good to have outweighed the harm you've done (intentionally and/or unintentionally), good work! Now you can rest!'

October comes and reminds me of everything, makes the inside of me so loud, I can't focus.

I was a miracle baby, born at 11:59pm, October 23rd.

I'm a Jewish witch - I love the serious holidays that fall in October, pagan and Jewish, and I love seeing people in silly costumes at the end of it.

The night I turned sixteen, I finally confessed to my parents that I'd been abused most of my childhood. It was around midnight then too.

I had done something unintentionally cruel to a friend (unprocessed trauma makes for some weird fuckin' behaviors), and we weren't exactly on speaking terms. I knew it was my fault, I knew I'd been the fuck-up, but she was my best friend, and I needed her there that night. I called her up, and she showed up.

She wasn't pleased with me. She didn't get why she was there, and I told her first - before my parents.

I told her who had done it - someone she knew. Someone everyone I knew also knew.

"Do you believe me?" I asked.

"Yeah, [person] tried the same thing with me, when I was younger."

I was flabbergasted.

"What happened?"

"I called for my mom," she told me, "why didn't you call for help?"

I don't remember if I said it out loud or not, but the answer was; it hadn't occurred to me as an option, to call for help.

She spent the night, slept as I went downstairs to tell my parents the worst of it, as much as I could assemble the words.

("I think it started when I was around 7 but it could've been earlier than that," "when I went to their house, someone else might've been involved, but my memories are all messed up, I don't remember," "there was a knife - I don't know if everything is okay, down there but I'm too scared to look," "yes, that's why I'm always covered up," "yes, that's why I-" "yes, that's why -" "yes, that's why-")

I hadn't really said the words, I was vague and it was still like clawing up heavy stones from out of my chest.

I'd wanted to die with those secrets. It's a longer story as to why I couldn't - why it fell on my birthday, why I had to come forward or someone else would.

My friend was gone in the morning and distanced herself more permanently.

My parents turned it into a weapon - against each other, and against me. No one knew what to do with me, no one knew how to help, and no one felt particularly inspired to learn how to.

I remember going up the stairs to bed that night, and it felt like I was shedding weights as I climbed the stairs. I'd never felt lighter, I'd never slept better - I thought, 'oh, good, finally, all the Bad Feelings will stop, and I'll be normal.'

My mother co-opts it where she can, is sometimes disbelieving of it, sometimes reduces its severity, but it depends on her audience. My father doesn't speak of it at all, which is fine, because we don't speak and never really have.

The friends I had then - they didn't rally around me. Maybe a month later, I moved 1500 miles away from everyone and everything I'd ever known, and started again. Right in the middle of my Junior year of high school.

My birthday used to be a happy sort of day, and then it became so somber, and regardless of the mood, I was alone in it.

No one understood October 23rd like I did; every year past the year of my first suicide attempt (I was 11) was an incredible mile marker. I didn't think I'd make it that far, I didn't think I'd have it in me - it was a day I had been raised to allot for praising my mother for having given birth to me. It used to be for someone else. I didn't know how to make it about myself, and making it about myself always felt like some sort of trap.

But it was also the day I freed myself of terrible secrets, it's the day that I showed some of my scars and said, 'if I don't live honestly from here on out, I think the memories and secrets will kill me.'

As October nears, I know it will be a countdown to my birthday, because it always is in my own head - it's not just my birthday, it's a day that marks many things, unlikely things, improbable, miraculous, horrible, ugly things.

As it comes closer, the mantra in my head gets louder.

I need to find forgiveness. I need to justify the space I take up. I need to be more helpful, I need to be more active, I need to be smarter, I need to be more cultured, more accomplished, more well-rounded, I need to be more than I am, I need it to serve everyone, endlessly, and I need to smile while I do it, I need to be convenient, I need to try to do better all the time.

That feeling of not being enough encroaches upon me, and I want so badly to enjoy October, but I don't know if I can.

An ex-boyfriend I had dated at the time I came forward accused me of lying about never having had an orgasm in my life (I hadn't), because, "you've been having sex since you were like, five, you probably had it and just didn't know what it was - here, I'll show you."

(He couldn't show me, he didn't, but I faked it because I needed to be convenient.)

There are 4 occasions I can remember that he ignored my 'no,' or pushed past clear barriers, or took advantage of me when I wasn't in my right mind - 3 of them took place AFTER he knew.

With life-long friends dropping like flies, a 21 year old 'boyfriend' my parents LET date me at 15-16 pestering me for my body, the aforementioned situationship with someone who would tell me regularly how hard I was to love, my family retreating into themselves in the face of my trauma - I was falling with no net at the bottom to catch me.

I crashed at the bottom of it all, I picked myself up, and have spent all the years since apologizing for walking with a figurative limp.

The 21 year-old was convinced I'd cheated on him or something. I don't remember, and don't care to. I broke up with him over the phone. The situationship became my boyfriend for the 100th time since we'd known each other, and he was horrible to me, and I took it, and I was grateful for it, because all I knew was that I was hard to love.

So, here comes October.

I came forward 14 years ago. I'm turning 30. And it all still hurts. And I still don't know how to get through October.

The tattoo in my mind, the one that bang-bang-bangs all day and night, telling me I'm not doing enough to justify being alive, that I'm a burden, that I need to do more and be more all the time - it has an edge of fear to it as we inch closer to October. As if I'm running out of time. As if I need to find forgiveness from someone, somehow, and fast, or I might die before I find it, and I'll pay some terrible cosmic price for lacking so much.

I hope that someday, someone throws a birthday party for me. It doesn't have to be a surprise, just - I can't do it myself. I can't. Maybe more to the point - I won't.

And I hope that when they do, if they ever do, in this daydream where anyone gives half a shit about my birthday - I wish they'd tell me they're proud of me. I wish they'd announce that it's not just my birthday, but the anniversary of the night I unveiled the truth and clawed my way to some happiness.

Maybe someday, there will be a celebration of me - and it won't be about telling my mother how brave and heroic she was for the terrifying birth she gave, and it won't be about me entertaining friends that would drop me as soon as I became inconvenient, and it won't be legions of people, but just a small group, just a handful of people that really respect me, that know me, that see me and understand me, and tell me I'm worth something still, even after they know it all.

Maybe someday, October won't be so full of loneliness, fear, or utter surety that I'm fundamentally a bad person destined to be abandoned.

Not this year, but maybe some year. Maybe some October.