#hands to the night sky praying you might die before i fall in love with you

[gremlin-pattie]

will wood “misanthropologist” is more romantic than any love song . TO ME

[mulchpuppies]

listening to misanthropologist and thinking of john thomas ward lord have mercy

[little-paperboat]

i burned my fingers on this forbidden fire (3)

Woke up in a little bit of a daze this morning with the international news, and I'm sending lots of love to all affected by the results of the US elections 💙 There's not much that I can say to express how heartbroken I am, but I've posted chapter 3 of i burned my fingers on this forbidden fire, with, in mind, the hope fiction can keep on bringing us comfort and a safe outlet for what the real life throws at us.

On a more positive note, your comments and support make me so happy, Rolan nation is truly out there 🥰 This chapter is quite focused on Tav, as advancing her plot is quite pivotal for what will come next... 😏

Start of the chapter under the cut, thanks for reading x

She felt light. 

So light, in fact, that she could’ve been floating.

Around her, an endless field of flowers stretched before her eyes, soft and warm and delicate. Peaceful. Perfect.

She closed her eyes to breathe in the scent, blissfully unaware of her surroundings until something grabbed her from behind; binding her hands, blinding her sight. She tried to fight back but the weight of something cold and cruel against her throat made her still; and she waited and waited, but only the dark remained to echo her loneliness. 

A fire then; in the distance, golden twin flames beckoning her - she tried to walk but her legs were lead, she tried to scream but her voice was gone, a rope against her neck; and the light flickered and vanished. Now she was freed, unrestrained, but she couldn’t move, sinking slowly in the ground; wilted petals beneath her feet, hand reaching out to other hands who grazed her fingers before withdrawing - silhouettes sat before her whose faces she couldn’t see, judging her, letting her drown, letting her die, and she clawed through the dirt and the bones to breathe again, and again, and again, aching for the flames to spring back to life, praying that the hands would come back and cradle her face. 

Then, a sneer - the rustling of a dress, the soft noise of a quill inking parchment. 

“You are wasting your time,” someone said. 

“Will they come back,” she choked, tears running down her cheeks, down her throat, down her back.

“You might be too late,” whispered another voice.

“Too late for what?”

But there was no answer.

Tav gasped for air, her heart racing; blinded by a bright light, she almost fell out of bed in a frantic attempt to untangle herself from the sweat-drenched sheets, only stopping when the sense of reality finally tore through her panic, bringing a sense of massive relief that flooded her whole body. 

With a loud sigh, she let herself fall back against the pillows, her limbs numb but her nerves still on fire, waiting for the adrenaline to recede.

Breathe in, breathe out. 

Once she could hear herself think over the deafening pounding of her heart, she stretched her arms, timidly bringing her hand to her throat, idly running her fingers against her warm, soft flesh. 

There. 

Perfectly fine.

No need to make a fuss, right? 

Outside the window, the sun hung high in the sky, illuminating her surroundings. The desk, the shelf, the wardrobe: everything exactly like she left it the night before. Everything was fine. 

She was safe. 

She was safe and basking in the sunlight, barely recovering from a terrible nightmare - yet none of those good feelings were able to push back the other unpleasant thought that had been nagging her deep, deep down since the moment she woke up. 

She was late for work. 

The temptation of playing dead titillated her again, more seriously this time. Maybe the soft blankets would absorb her if she laid down long enough. She could become a light thread of cotton, neatly woven in the blanket, or turn into a smooth and light feather, comfortably huddled inside her pillow. Maybe she’d become the ghost of Ramazith’s tower, vanishing from existence; leaving behind expensive dresses and little souvenirs from her journey.

Not that it could ever happen, though. Rolan would probably kick her out with a broomstick if she ever tried to claim permanent residence here, corporeal or otherwise. 

No use in avoiding her responsibilities, it seemed. 

She groaned out loud, expressing her displeasure to the universe and to no one in particular, and sat up with her nose scrunched up. Thinking. Strategizing. Because, since she was already late, there really was no point in rushing the process, right? Oh, how she would hate to show up to work all dishevelled and sweaty, her makeup poorly applied and her outfit badly coordinated. That was for sure most unbecoming of the Hero of the City. 

Stretching like a cat, Tav left the warmth of her bed and opened her wardrobe, picking a sensible dress for the day. She then made her way to the bathroom, where she was delighted to find that in broad daylight, the facilities of the tower were finely matching the Upper City’s best mansions. Her new environment was a whole world away from the tavern’s shared quarters - a pity she half promised herself to not overstay her welcome.

Once she was bathed and dressed, and once her hair and make-up were done to her liking, she finally ventured downstairs without encountering a single soul. Rolan told her the day before that he or his siblings would give her a tour but it would have to wait: the tieflings were probably already hard at work, and she could easily imagine Rolan behind his closed door, nose deep in a book, forgetting the world as he strived to master the mysteries of the Weave.

How nice must that be, to find your place in the world. 

She had hoped to maybe happen upon him at the turn of a corridor or when arriving in the foyer, but it looked like she was truly alone. And thus she didn't linger, making a beeline for the sigil instead; sighing in contentment when the rune worked as intended, teleporting her to the Sundries in the blink of an eye. Not that she’d ever doubt Rolan’s skills, but she’d heard enough about Gale’s hazardous conjuring experiments to remain cautious about magic portals.

Below her, the shop was already bustling with life. She caught Cal and Lia’s horns running around, busy running the place. She wanted to go to them, share her greetings and thank them for letting her stay over, but held back at the last minute, unsure whether they’d appreciate her interrupting their work. 

Her hesitation was broken by Cal, who waved enthusiastically at her, mouthing from afar “see you tonight, have a good day”. She beamed, returning the gesture, an odd but not unwelcome feeling of déjà-vu poking in her mind. It’d been a long time since anyone acknowledged her like that - no one at the Elfsong ever cared much for her business. 

It was enough to send her on her way with a smile on her lips, the sour memory of her nightmare already fading away.

— Read the rest on AO3 :)

if you liked it, you also can follow the tag “series:forbidden fire” here on tumblr to not miss any updates :)

(c) divider by @/saradika

[squidsandthings]

thinking about Misanthropologist being a skk song (to me, at least) again.

Cause you defy creation

I hate you, I hate you, I do

Hands to the night sky,

praying you might die

Before I fall in love with you

Skkcore to me but specifically from a pmzai perspective.

[willwood-lyrics]

I hate you, I hate you, I do Hands to the night sky, praying you might die Before I fall in love with you

[common-grackle]

CAUSE YOU DEFY CREATION OH I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I DO HANDS TO THE NIGHT SKY PRAYING YOU MIGHT DIE BEFORE I FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!

[bnesszai]

OH? HAVE I NOT GIVEN YOU THE MISANTHROPOLOGIST RANT?

hi I'm going to scream at you about will wood lyrics this is a threat

----------------------------------------

Starting off strong with the opening

I wanna meet your maker

Shake him by his ensanguined damask lapels

Holler "Look what you've done, gave this planet a sun

And made a man to wonder if he's more than just the sum of his cells"

This whole song is pmzai about Chuuya to me. The lyric gave this planet a sun especially reminds me of how Chuuya indirectly gave Dazai a reason to live quite literally being a sun for Dazai to orbit.

---------------------

'Cause you defy creation

I hate you, I hate you, I do

Hands to the night sky, praying you might die

Before I fall in love with you

HHHHHH this lyric THIS LYRIC. This is just skk in general to me. Especially from a Dazai perspective. 'You defy creation' and 'praying you might die before I fall in love with you' both just drive me up a WALL

---------------------

Then skipping ahead a bit to these line

But I can hate myself

So you don't have to

Do I need to explain why this is Dazai coded? it's Dazai coded. It's SO Dazai coded.

---------------------

'Cause I like you, don't you see?

I just like you a little more than me

I, I like you, don't you see?

Oh, hey, I just like you a little more than me

This is once again pmzai core. "I just like you a little more than me". Makes me vomit blood actually. Something about being loving someone someone more than you love yourself. Someone else's light being your whole world. *dies*

---------------------

I've seen the face of nature

Wasted constellations crumpled up in my hands

Knowing if you're supernova, your light show is over

But too slow to know for sure if it's a pa-part of the plan

"Constellations crumpled up in my hands" <- so you know how in touch fic there's the line "Touch used to be spilling blood and manipulating death. Touch used to be stopping destruction before it can kill it's vessel." that vibes. If Chuuya is a star to Dazai and his touch stops Chuuya. Then Chuuya's constellations crumple in Dazai's hands. This whole bit is corruption from Dazai perspective to me.

---------------------

I hear your heart beating under the floorboards

The rhythm is a gospel to me

So how could I stand a chance, let alone dance

With the way you sweep me off these two left feet?

"I hear your heart beating under the floorboards the rhythm is a gospel to me" I don't have the words to explain this one it just makes me feral

---------------------

You're dangling a lantern

Over the event horizon

Thinking it'll thank you

For the light you're sacrificing

Bide time in orbit like a satellite

Remind yourself

The world don't revolve 'round you So don't you revolve 'round someone else

OKAY OKAY THIS ONE. HEAR ME OUT.

this is 15skk to me specifically Dazai watching Chuuya interact with the sheep.

Chuuya sacrificing his light to protect the sheep. and especially the line "The world don't revolve around you, so don't you dare revolve around someone else" is that.

---------------------

God don't explain the way time and space made us

Though with the wavelengths bending, it makes sense to me

The only thing that's meant to be is gravity And what comes up must go down

*screams*. I don't have the words for how skk coded this is. this is them. next question.

---------------------

Oh, beat by beat and heart by heart Oh, this won't have to end if it doesn't start Beat by beat and heart by heart This won't have to end But it just did

Cou pointed out in the ask I sent them about this but "this won't have to end if it doesn't start is just Dazai in general". The idea of keeping your distance from people because then it won't hurt when you leave. And then the end "this won't have to end, but it just did" Dazai leaving the mafia, and Chuuya.

I love this song. It's skk. I need everyone to see it.

Squish. I will go feral with you. let's goooooooo

this is literally like!!! it's so them. Chuuya makes Dazai want to live and Dazai hates it. He is so mesmerized by Chuuya and his liveliness and every bit of stardust that makes Chuuya Chuuya AND JUST.

His heartbeat is a gospel to Dazai. The only religious thing Dazai will ever believe in. Hhh.

if it never starts it can never end is so Dazai coded I'm gonna throw up.

also HOW DARE YOU quote my own fic at me HOW DARE YOU. touch fic my beloved.

[ivory-line]

I wanna meet your maker

Shake him by his ensanguined damask lapels

Holler "Look what you've done, gave this planet a sun

And made a man to wonder if he's more than the sum of his cells"

'Cause you defy creation

I hate you, I hate you, I do

Hands to the night sky, praying you might die

Before I fall in love with you

[cousticks]

COU have you ever listened to will wood? I've been listening to him for a couple years and he's pretty neat. His lyrics are really fun to dive into.

(the normal album is my favorite but I also like his stuff with the tapeworms and his two most recent albums. I just love all his stuff lol)

Anyway

I've been assigning bsd characters to his songs for awhile and I was listening to one of his songs from his most recent album. It's called Misanthropologist (<- good song I like the lyrics alot) and I think it's got some Skk vibes but I wanna see what you think :D

first of all the opening lyrics:

I wanna meet your maker shake him by his ensanguined damask lapels Holler “look what you’ve done gave this planet a sun and a man to wonder if he's more than the sum of his cells"

to me reminded me of how Dazai views Chuuya when Chuuya’s fighting he’s captivated and in 15 Chuuya basically gives Dazai a reason to live and I think that fits with the last line well. 

This verse:

Cause you defy creation I hate you, I hate you, I do Hands to the night sky  Praying that you might die Before I fall in love with you

Idk how to explain this but this feels very Skk to me.

But I can hate myself so you don't have to

Dazai coded tbh

Also

God don't explain the way time and space made us But with the wavelengths bending it makes sense to me The only things that's meant to be is gravity and what comes up must go down

This verse, this verse is what made me think “oh this is skk coded”. Its just them to me

Bit by bit and heart by heart, this won't have to end if it doesn't start

Reminds of how they still call each other partners despite everything.

idk man I'm sick as heck rn and maybe im delirious but I wanted to see what you thought :D

-🦑

Squoose hi!!!!!

Yeah, I have listened to Will Wood! I've heard a handful off of The Normal Album!! Sometimes Suburbia Overture gets stuck in my head.

But gosh that first bit you sent. Look what you've done // gave this planet a sun // and a man to wonder if he's more than the sum of his cells is sooooo. That can be so 15 era but also them in general. Everything you've sent me is SO correct.

That last line especially gets to me, but it just feels really dazai in general to me. this won't have to end if it doesn't start??? from the perspective of a man that is always pursuing a reason to feel alive but never allows himself to truly grasp it because its always pulled away at the last minute???? god.

You're so correct these lyrics are so Them coded but from a Dazai brain. I'll be rotating some of those lines in my hindbrain for a while thank you

[s0lemnhypn0s]

Can't believe I forgot to mention my favourite.

Misanthropologist by Will Wood

"I wanna meet your maker / Shake him by his ensanguined damask lapels / Holler "Look what you've done!" / Gave this planet a sun / And made a man to wonder if he's more than the sum of his cells / 'Cause you defy creation / I hate you, I hate you, I do / Hands to the night sky, praying you might die / Before I fall in love with you"

"I've seen the face of nature / Wasted constellations crumpled up in my hand / Knowing if you're supernova, your light show is over / But too slow to know if its a pa-part of the plan / I hear your hearts beatin' under the floorboards / The rhythm is a gospel to me / So how could I stand a chance, let alone dance / With the way you sweep me off these two left feet"

"You're dangling a lantern / Over the event horizon / Thinkin' it'll thank you for the light you're sacrificing / bide time in orbit like a satellite/ And remind yourself / The world don't revolve 'round you so don't you revolve around someone else and- / Rock me Amadeus! / God don't explain the way time and space made us / but with the wavelengths bending, it makes sense to me / The only thing thats meant to be is gravity / And what goes up must come down"

hello everybody im normal. Songs I think are billford

The Three-Legged Waltz by MarkH

"The two become one / In this union you see / But the two don't move freely / They're bound at the knee / To the other / To the other"

"This kind of trouble / Is not lots of fun / I suggest you don't wait / Before you run / while you can / While you can"

"Three legs are better than one / In this union / The two become one / And until that rope gets undone / They waltz"

Thermodynamic Lawyer Esq, G.F.D by Will wood

"Blood vessels drying and curling inside are / Unfurling from out of her wrists / Well, she wrings out a snake and collects all its poison / Intending on learning to hiss / Foaming at the mouth with a head full of acid / Giving some poor illness the blame / Knocking the pieces the fuck off the chessboard / Insisting that she's won the game"

"So all that I see absolute entropy / As the chemical bonds fall apart / Well, it seems she broke me / But I swear she could not break my heart / She could not break my heart! / Oh lord!"

Whose eye is it anyway??? by Jhariah

"My head is overflowing, with these thoughts / That if I return the favor you might understand / But I know, I know you could never carry the burden / You've left with me and I can't give it back / So why even try?"

"An arm and a leg, my friend, les yeux d'la tête / I never give as much as I get / This path of heart attacks is paved with folks / Who only gave their enemies what they had coming / I don't know if it's worth it"

Dopamine_machine by Ferry

"Have your barricades really decayed? / You're running lemonade at thirty six degrees centigrade / Inside your lemon veins / and your hearts a lemon grenade / You think I'm playing charades, masquerade / But this machine just needs an upgrade"

"In your dreams, you see yourself forever weaving / Holy webs, you wake up looking at the ceiling / Dopamine is coursing through your head and leaving / Emptiness, its leaving emptiness / You feel betrayed"

"Oh, this isn't the end / Hold my hand / There is no need to play these games and pretend / All is lost / Take it from me, this voice in your head / Nurture that monster under your bed / and feel the taste of lead again / My friend"

Red moon by Will Wood

"Red, red moon, keep on rising / The sunset soon indeed will bleed in my horizon / The crescent rests, tethered to the west / Waxing to the rhythm writhing in my chest / That crack between the watercolor sky and sea is the / Corner where you're born in the mist / I might deride the tide / 'Cause I'm pulled as it pools 'round my feet / Towards your stolen light / While I'm held in your slight gravity"

"Well, I walk the equator, chasing the light / Little do I know it orbits close behind / I might remember or might assume / But I only turn around every once / In a red, red moon / I said I only turn around every once in a red, red moon"

"Red, red moon / When will your shadows break? / Tell the truth: What're you hiding behind that face? / If matter's in then I might space out / Why can't I take in what you've been dishing out? / Why do I reject, while you endlessly reflect? / You're projecting, your perfection astounds / Nighttime, please hide my eyes / So the man up there won't watch me stare / Teach me to make moonshine / And we'll get drunk on the spirits in the air"

Spider on the wall by Ghost

"Found on march 15th / Transparency, this isn't me / Left out boundaries / Vicinity, this isn't me / Play pretending, should it be so / Lock the diary, so you don't know / I've been watching you"

"Found in broken shards / Those swollen hearts, I've played a part / Invalid boundaries / Keep singing, means not a thing / Can't be bothered letting go / A shrine of excess vulture bones / So burn the house down, now that you know / I've been watching you"

"Bottles broken after everytime our eyes meet / Dedicated life, oh I pray you'll never see me / Please don't think of me forever in the wrong way / Pictures of your face from the era of the recall / Hanging on the wall / Pictures of your face, oh I pray you'll never see me / Spider on the wall"

[discardedmask]

I used to be your star, my core got heavy, skin went cool. before the fires all went dim you used your words as wicked tools. I miss you babe for sure, but there are questions I must ask. You made me feel meaningless, like you could forget your past.

Did I die in brilliant light, or disappear in the night sky? My core has frozen over and I can’t remember why. You made me feel so frozen, and afraid, my knees grew weak. I shiver and I shake as I turn my other cheek.

When my lifetime ended did I go out in a blast? Did I break you into pieces? Turn you brittle into glass? Did you float out of my presence to an orbit that would last? Am I with you? Did you leave me in the past?

When you look back where you came can you still see me? am I gone? Despite all of our distance can I love you? Is that wrong?

With time I will reform to something new. I guess I’m just in pieces with the memories of you.

I learned to play my music so that I could sing for you. Learned scales, chords, and melodies so my hands had things to do. But I fear my dear these broken chords are not enough for you. So I’ll busy up my hands with someone else’s tune.

These sounds they cannot travel space, and other stars can take my place. I’ll burn away at record pace, cause you’re the high I’ll always chase. That sweet romantic lovely taste, the flavour that I can’t replace.

Oh what dear shall I do. For now I am in pieces with the memories of you.

I know you might be angry but now that the fighting’s over. Do pieces of my soul float in your heart like supernova? Or plucked away from where I once stood in your life so bright, did I left a hole so deep it eats away your light?

My darling moon in the night sky. I’ll love you till the day I die. Every star will fall, so just whatever. But I wish death didn’t have to mean forever.

Forevers much too long, I cannot always sing this song. I can’t just wait to sing along. So I must say babe that it’s through.

I’ll pick up my broken pieces, and leave my memories of you.

——

Babe. I’m always going to love you, but I can’t anymore. I have to use the big word, you’re an abuser.

I know you’re scared. I’m scared too. But you need to let go of your desire for control.

Darling I will make you feel powerful. I will worship you at the altar. I will pray to you and bend for you and break for you. But that is my choice, and if I cannot choose that for myself without your imposed consequences then I cannot love you any longer.

The door will always be open to you, but I guess in parallel to how we became so close, it’s your turn to go to therapy. You allowed me to feel empowered by growth and achievement. It’s your turn to do the same. Three months, with an evidenced change, and I’m yours again,

We all grow up, and in that process we see some of the darkest parts of ourselves. We lose parts of ourselves. We find parts of ourselves. These pieces don’t die. I don’t wish that they would.

You learn to control the body with the mind. You learn to overcome fear and let go of control. You learn to embrace the inherent sufferings of love. You learn to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You learn to allow yourself to be hurt, only to be hurt again. You learn to admit your mistakes.

Maybe you’ll learn to love me? Maybe we can go from cherry wine to sunlight. Maybe I just love you too much to hate you. I’ll never know, you’ll never take the time to talk it out.

I’ll miss you though dear.

[kiridarling]

𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐄

d.kaminari and h.sero | f!reader + corruption + weed/shotguning + praise + threesome + more! minors dni!

— 3.6k words

"I knew I wanted you the second I saw you."

Denki’s addicted to the pre-concert high.

His veins hum with a song that has yet to start, fingers drumming some mixed beat on the body of his electric guitar as he assumes his place on the dark stage. The theater’s dead silent, the room suspended in a titilating anticipation—and the steady rhythm Denki's heart dissapates into chaos when the faint crack of Eijirou's drumsticks bounce off the walls, and the click in his earpiece begins.

Eijirou hits the kick drum once. Twice. Then his hands fly across the set in a flurry, the rolling beat echoing into the packed arena and spurring the crowd to explode, fans flying to their feet to render their vocal cords for the night.

As the other instruments fill the blank space, Denki's hand grips the back of his guitar's neck, on hold for his solo, and by the time the electric blond steps up to the mic, pavlov's theory has already kicked in overdrive.

"Who’s ready to feel good tonight?”

“Dude, I’m on fucking fire!” Denki vibrates, nearly glowing in comparison to his bandmates as they sift through a flurry of fans at a meet and greet. It always seems like Denki and Eijirou are the only ones with energy after a good show—but what can he say? Being on stage lights him up like a live wire.

"You said that last concert, buddy," Hanta snorts, before his a fan ran sacks his attention by shoving a tiara into his hairline.

"And? My point still stan—" Denki cuts himself off with a gasp as a bra slings across his face, followed by a burst of pain when the metal hits him in the cheek. He peels the lacy thing off with an eye on the audience and an eyebrow raised in question, unsure of what to do with the undergarment (other than put it on) until someone screams:

“Sign it!”

Denki shrugs and pops the Sharpie cap with his teeth to sign the crest of both cups before flinging it back into the audience—he can only pray it pinpoints its rightful owner before the meet and greet ends.

Katsuki clicks his tongue (because he hates these events) and as the next round of fans lineup in front of their table, Eijirou stretches like this is a sport, saying, “Guess it’s go-time.”

"Go-time is when we perform," Katsuki grumbles in the seat to Denki’s right. "Go-time is when we're in the studio makin' a goddamn album, not meeting crazy fuckin' fans—no, I’m not gonna marry you, you obsessed fuckin—“

“Oh, you're just salty you're not popular with the ladies~“ Denki gushes, wiggling his eyebrows, and a fan hands him a canvas the size of his upper body. “Un—oh wow, did you make this for me—Unlike me, of course.”

"Okay, pretty boy." Hanta rolls his eyes, before signing a phone case and returning it to an overzealous fan. With a hand covering his mouth, he whispers, “Can you believe this guy? So full of himself, I swear.”

The fan giggles and Hanta meets the blushing cheeks with a satisfied smirk. Denki huffs from the disrespect, crossing both arms over his chest. “Full of myself? It’s not my fault I’m sexy—*an autograph? Of course!"

Katsuki chuckles, scratching under his chin with ink blue fingertips, "Call yourself sexy one more fuckin’ time and I'm projectile vomiti—no, I'm not signing your tits, give me a goddamn paper or somethin—"

"What?” Denki scoffs, chest collapsing with the disbelief that one could make such a lie. “I'm literally the definition of I'm sexy and I kno—"

"Um, excuse me?"

His gesticulations freeze at the passive voice, arms stretched wide and to the sky, and Denki knows he has to look absolutely ridiculous as he blinks down at the next person in-line; who's stood with bambi eyes and such a sweet smile the electric blond thinks it might make him sick.

"I-I'm your biggest fan! Could you—um, please sign this for me?"

She comes alive, shoving a poster into his chest with pink cheeks and shifty irises. Out of all the bras, all the breasts he's been asked to sign today, and here you are, with your pocket-sized poster and your lamb countenance. Denki beams.

"Of course, Sweetness! What's your name?"

"[Y/N]!" you say, giggling, and it's so. Cute. Denki opens the Sharpie and struggles to focus on signing instead of your gorgeous fucking face.

"Anything specific you'd like me to say?"

And he knows there's a rule—there always are when it comes to these things, and it's simple: don't fuck the fans. As tempting as it is, don't invite them back to your hotel room because there are too many uncertainties, and if something leaks to the press that’s possibly career ending, that’s it. So, Denki holds his tongue. For the future of himself and the band.

"Uhm, just write what you want! I...I think I'd like it best if it was authentic and came straight from you, so."

Fuck. Of course she does.

And maybe Denki just can't help it when he leans down to speak, perhaps a little lower, "You want something more authentic, cutie?"

You light up like a kid on Christmas, gasping, "Yes please Mr. Kaminari!"

So eager, too.

"Awe, you can call me Denki if you'd like," he coos, and you nod so quickly he starts to worry about whiplash. "Meet me out back, in the alley behind the venue if you wanna get to know me better. Sound like a deal?”

"O-Okay!" You nod, and when he returns your sign you grip it tight between both hands. "I'll um, see you soon Mr. Kami—I mean, D-Denki!"

You flush from the mix up and bow in apology, and Denki knows he's made the right choice when you light up, indicating you have no idea what he meant at all.

"Row row row your boat, gently down the stream," you hum, sniffling. You’re unsure if your nose is running, it's too frozen to tell, and it has you patting to confirm it’s presence. With your hands stuffed in your pockets and a jacket wrapped tight around your body, you'd think you'd be warm, but no.

The alley is dark. It's dank enough that you can smell it and you're positive what you're dancing in is vomit, but none the matter—today, you met your favorite band. Literally the people you'd die for.

"Merrily, merrily," kicking the loose rocks in the gravel every which way, you enjoy the sound of them scattering against the surrounding brick walls. "Merrily, merrily..."

"Life is but a dream," a voice finishes, a yelp rips from your throat and you jump twenty feet in alarm. But you’d know that voice anywhere; Denki chuckles at your reaction and it has you recoiling with timidity, unprepared for the surprised audience. "You have a lovely voice, Cutie. You should use it more often."

"I..." but you're not exactly sure what to say to that, knowing Denki's heard so many professional voices in his career to last a lifetime, and yet yours is lovely. "T-Thank you."

Denki watches your reaction with a hum and a smile, his visible breath escaping between the slit of his lips and into the cool air.

"Of course, Cutie."

Another voice sighs, shattering the friction that fills your gut when Denki gives you that look. You're not sure what to call it, but it makes you shiver, and that's enough to make you to run and hide.

"...Denki, who's this?"

"Um," the blond places his frozen hands in his pockets and swivels his head around to Hanta, guilty written all over his face. "A fan?"

Hanta sighs again, head tilting to the right in exhausperation, “Denki—"

"I know, I know," the electric blond sighs, waving him off. "But it's fine as long as we don't get caught, right?"

Hanta's black hair threatens to fall into his face so he combs through it, and you try not to drool at the sight of his bicep flexing. "Yeah, until we get caught."

A honk blares and it has you shrieking, to reveal a parked tour bus in the alley once the lights flicker on. Denki points the car keys at the vehicle and the doors swing open. "Awe c'mon, don't be a sour puss. It's a one-time thing, alright?"

Hanta's eyes narrow into slits.

"Seriously, dude! I'm a man of my word! On God."

The noirette's shoulders sag, but he waltzes around both of you to get on the bus. Over his shoulder, he warns, "Denki I swear to fucking god—"

"I'll be careful, I'll be careful~" he singsongs, hopping onto the stairs after the pianist. When Denki notices not you're not moving, he stills at the top step. "You coming, [Y/N]?"

"O-Oh, am I um, am I allowed?" You ask, biting your cheek at the thought of what Hanta just said as you peer around the electric blond’s body. Denki snorts, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, you're allowed," he exits the bus, only to tug you on via your collar. "Now c'mon! Let's have some fun, yeah?"

"Okay!"

Denki steers you through the bus and into a space that looks a bit like a living room, with a couch, tv, and a makeshift kitchen in the corner. Following Denki to the kitchen, you look around.

"Where are Kirishima and Bakugou?"

"Out drinking," Denki tosses, flicking open a RedBull. You wonder if this is always the post-concert routine. Hanta fiddles in with something on the couch, but he still has yet to look you in the eyes tonight, even when you ask him:

"What are you doing?"

It seems he didn't realize you’ve relocated from the kitchen to the couch next to him from the noirette nearly jumps. The green stuff in his fingers crumbles, and you scrunch your nose at the smell.

"It stinks," you add. Denki snorts, jumping onto the cushion to your right. There isn’t a whole lot of room and his addition causes your shoulders to slush between the two of them, but it’s strangely comfortable.

"It's weed," he explains like it's obvious. "You smoke, Cutie?"

"Obviously not," you and Hanta say at the same time. You turn his way, and for the first time that night, Hanta looks you in the eyes—and it's a smile, with his eyes crinkling in the corners, but there's...something else. Something else hidden behind the thinnest veil that makes you cower, if ever so slightly.

Something feral.

Denki, unaware of the crushing grip your hand has around your thigh, huffs, and tosses the energy drink down his gullet, "It was a genuine question! Geez."

"What are you doing?" You ask again, and the electric blond whimpers from being ignored.

"Rolling a joint," he utters, lifting the paper to his lips to lick the length. You watch, semi-disgusted, as Hanta finally folds over the last bit of paper around the crest of the joint, gluing it together.

"Know what a joint is?" The noirette implores.

"Yeah," you breathe, shifting at the new closeness Denki provides when you feel his chest against your back. "My roommate smokes, so."

Hanta taps it on a tray, or what Denki describes as "packing it down," before twisting the tip and tossing it back onto the tray in conclusion. Denki cheers.

"Aha! The joint-rolling master has blessed us! Everyone say thank you, joint-rolling master."

"Thank you, joint-rolling master!" You giggle when Hanta's face turns a ruddy red. He reaches over to pop Denki upside the head. Denki gasps, before lunging to return the favor, and you squeal from being jostled between two men.

"Okay," when Denki returns to his seat he's panting and so is the noirette. He picks the joint off the tray and though there isn't much room, turns so he's facing you, your legs smushed against his body indian style. "You ready, Cutie?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," you huff, swinging your arms in preparation despite the lack of space. Just in case.

Hanta snorts, holding the joint to your lips, and Denki raises the lighter and raises it to the end until it's hot enough to burn on its own.

“Now suck."

You do, cheeks puffing, and you blow the smoke straight in Denki's face. It's...a lot.

"Not quite," Hanta chuckles, and flips you via the waist so you're facing him. Denki whines from the change but finds solace in hooking his chin over your shoulder. "Suck, and then inhale. Act like it's a big breath—you gotta hold it in your lungs for a sec."

"Okay," you assert with a nod, eyes burning with a new determination. When Hanta holds it to your lips, you suck and inhale, and start coughing your throat raw, in a flurry of smoke and tears, eyes watering and nose burning. You scramble for water, but by the time you get some, the only thing that's left to soothe is a sore throat.

"Here," Denki offers, grabbing the joint before flipping you his way again. "Take smaller hits, like this."

Denki's mouth wraps around the tip and smoke pours from his lips so smoothly you're determined to do the same. With a raised eyebrow, he passes it back to you, and though it takes a moment, you try again.

The back of your throat tingles but the glide is much smoother, and you find that it doesn't burn on your next exhale. So you do it again. And again. And agai—

"Okay," Hanta picks the joint from your fingers with a click of his tongue, before taking a hit himself. You frown, making grabby hands.

"Hey, wai—"

"Nu-uh," he tuts, pushing you down by your forehead. "You'll feel it soon enough, trust me."

You whine, crossing your arms over your chest. Hanta gives you nothing but a raised eyebrow as he takes another hit, and you're convinced it's to taunt you. "I'm not eve—"

But then the world blurs, a bit, and your legs hum in a way they haven't before; it's warm and it's nice, and it has you blinking down at your hands in bewilderment. Whoa.

"And there she goes," Denki announces, and somehow seized the joint from the noirette when you weren't looking. Your mouth drops to say something, but all you can produce is a light giggle before it melts into a guffaw that only comes straight from the gut, your hands trying to soothe your cramping belly. Tears come to your eyes fairly easily, and when Hanta asks if you're okay he sounds like he's underwater, and that's enough to send you flying through another fit of laughs.

"I—y-yeah, I'm just—just fine," you snort behind a hand, chest spasming as you finally gather yourself enough to calm down. "I'm good. Mhm."

"Yep. Totally fine," Hanta says, but something in his tone suggests he doesn't believe you at all.

You nod, biting your bottom lip to avoid another laugh attack with your hands bunching the bottom of your shirt for extra purchase. Hanta narrows his eyes while taking another hit, so you sock him in the shoulder with a huff. "Stop looking at me like that."

The noirette snorts, "Like what?"

"Like..." you start strong, but falter under his eyes. "Like you want to eat me."

Hanta hums at the comment but says nothing, and you're not sure if your mind fabricated the quick look he gives the electric blond sat behind you. Denki speaks first.

"Do you know what shotgunning is, [Y/N]?"

You frown, "Like a shotgun?"

"So no," Hanta answers for you.

"Here," Denki offers, turning you again. Plucking the nub of a joint from the noirette, he takes a big hit before picking your face up by the jaw and hovering your lips over yours. You're not sure what to do, but once your lips connect, smoke fills your lungs, and you don't exhale until Denki pulls away. You blink, a little dazed.

You just kissed Denki Kaminari.

"Feel good?" He asks, never leaving your personal space. You nod, and he grins. "Wanna do it again?"

Your hands fist his shirt, teeth tearing the inside of your cheek due to the amount of embarrassment this question encourages. "I wan—can we do it again but without the um...without the smoke?"

Denki's hands find your hips and it's hard for him to contain a sly smirk, biting his lips to move in on his prey.

"I knew I waned you the second I saw you."

Denki's lips feel much better when he puts a little weight into the kiss, pinning you between him and the noirette. You're not exactly sure what you're doing but he takes the lead, titling his head and kissing harder, rougher, so your lips are pink and swollen by the time he pulls away.

"A-Another," you whimper, tightening your grip around his tee.

Denki hums in contemplation, picking your head up by your chin. "Ask nicely, Cutie."

Flushing deeper, your eyes dart to the coffee table.

“Another, please."

"Good girl," Denki coos, and he's propping you up against Hanta's chest. You shiver at the comment, finding purchase on Hanta's thighs as Denki kisses you on the lips again. "Wanna feel even better?"

"Yes," you nod vehemently. "Yes please."

Denki hums at that, climbing down your body as his hands glide from your waist to the band of your pants. You frown, "What—What are you doing?"

"Eating you out, Cutie," the electric blond says, hands freezing once his thumbs dip under your waistband. "That okay?"

"Oh okay," you breathe, relaxing against Hanta's chest. "Y-Yeah, that's fine."

Denki rips your pants off at that, tossing them towards the corner of the room and ultimately, to a place you'll probably never find them. Pushing your panties to the side, he licks his lips at the sight of your pussy, and flicks your clit with a smirk. You jump.

"H-Hey, that's not—"

He flattens his tongue against your slit and chuckles when you shudder, and after tossing both of your legs over his shoulders. You're not sure what he does after that though, because Hanta picks your face up by the chin and presses his lips to yours.

Denki slides a finger inside and you squeal against Hanta's chapped lips. You hear the electric blond moan, readjusting himself between your thighs, before you finally peel your lips off the noirette's, chest having from lack of oxygen.

"Such a pretty pussy, Baby," Denki gushes before his warm lips fold around your clit and he sucks, humming in surprise when you buck against his mouth. Hanta hooks his chin around your shoulder with a second joint dangling between his lips—and where it came from is beyond you.

Once he exhales, the joint finds its way between your lips and he instructs you to inhale, and the head rush afterwards has you digging your head into his chest.

"You're so wet, holy shit," Denki pulls away, lips strawberry pink and glossed with slick as he trades his both for his thumb and inserting another finger. It crooks just right and that's enough to make your hips buck, nails carving crescents in Hanta's thighs.

“T-There,” you whimper, wiggling your hips again, and Denki grins, thumb pressing into your clit. Your thighs quiver with the strain it takes to hold them back and Hanta’s calloused hands skip to your waist after dropping the burning joint off in the tray.

“Pull his hair,” the noirette commands, but you hesitate, hands glued to his thighs. Hanta sighs, reaching over you to tug for himself.

“Mph—fuck!” Denki’s eyelids flutter as he moans into your pussy with a new passion, his hands wrapping around your thighs to hold you in place. You gasp at his reaction, fingers scrambling under Hanta’s own to thread through his electric blond hair.

“Move your hips—grind against his face, c’mon,” Hanta’s grip tightens around your waist as he offers the suggestion, and you whimper with a nod before your bucking into Denki’s mouth without abandon. As the noirette trails butterfly kisses up the column of your neck, the coil in your gut snaps, and you barely have time to squeak out a warning before you’re flooding Denki’s mouth.

“Good girl...ride it out—there you go,” Hanta coos, biting your ear. You shiver as Denki pulls away with a final (and obscene) slurp, grinning like he didn’t just shatter you to pieces with nothing but his tongue and fingers.

Denki’s lips are on yours in a blink—you moan, legs still buzzing from the afterglow as you weakly grope for the small hairs on the back of his neck.

“Taste good, don’t ya?” He says with a click of a tongue after pulling away.

“I guess so,” you flush, the humiliation from so shamelessly digging your heels into Denki’s back finally settling in. Hanta reaches under your arm for Denki’s chin.

“What? Want a taste too?” The electric blond giggles, wiggling his eyebrows. Hanta snorts.

“If you could be so kind.”

Denki hums at that, placing a hand on your inner thigh for balance as he slams his lips on the noirette’s for the first time that night. He dives straight for the kill, tongue and teeth and everything, and Denki moas when Hanta’s teeth sink into his bottom lip; you find that you like it a lot.

Though eventually you tired of watching, and press the heel of your hand on Hanta’s hard cock through the fabric of his jeans. The pianist hisses, and you grin—you’ve got their attention now.

“Whoa Sweetheart, what are y—“

“I...I want more,” you assert despite the tremor in your voice. Hanta raises an eyebrow in question which has you pressing harder in hopes he’ll cave just as easily as before. Just in case, you add, “Please.”

Denki redirects your attention by squishing your cheeks until you’re looking him in the eyes. With dark eyes, he says, “You sure you want more, Cutie?”

You nod despite the restriction, “Wanna...wanna get to know you better.”

You watch Denki’s pupils dialate at that, and he can’t even hold back a groan when he says:

“Gods, Baby. We’re going to ruin you.”

unpopular opinion: bakugou's the bassist and kirishima's the drummer. fight me.

not me projecting 12yo sun's fantasy of getting railed in the tour bus by 5sos um—

[helioxed]

Hands to the night sky, praying you might die before I fall in love with you

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Kaz Brekker/Platonic! Crows x fem! Reader - Silence

A/n: So I know I haven't been very active lately but hopefully that will change! Also I don't really love this fic it's not very good and I might rewrite it in the future but for now, you guys can enjoy this shit!!!

Warnings: Abuse, sexual abuse, rape, violence, mentions of death, technically mentions of suicide, THIS FIC IS A MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

Summary: They used to be happy. That’s what Jesper says anyways about his sister. When he’s asked where it all went wrong it’s usually responded with an I have no idea. When Kaz comes to confront them in front of the Crows why you came back all bloodied and carrying back a body, they know this isn’t going to end well…

Death clung to you. That's what people muttered in the streets of Ketterdam, 'if the Blackbird is on a strike don't go outside for a week and remember, pray to the saint who wears the most colour.'

Great bedtime stories for children.

Your legend would never end, though it must have begun somewhere. Someone who you decided could witness one of your killings must have made up a story. Started it up and told it in fright to someone and the people not believing a word they say. Before their dead of course. And then it spreads like the plague.

The Blackbird was once a hopeful girl, full of dreams and happiness. She had beautiful feathers of all different kinds of colours, and they sang to the heavens and it was as if she was a child of the saints. Then one day - the bird that brought kindness and sunshine to everyone's lives fell into a trap.

There was a hyena that people all thought was bad news but she thought she could help him become a better person.

The little birdy was wrong.

He hurt the bird of colours so badly that one day he burned her feathers and they became pitch black. The hyena thought that he had won at last and had gotten power over the bird.

It was said that she ran and escaped the terrible beast that day. And because he had changed her to the very soul she wasn't the same anymore, no. She was only used for revenge, and it was said she turned her backs on the saints for not saving her. When the saints did decide to intervene the little bird was shattered and could no longer sing. Her voice reduced to a vengeful whip, it was no longer beautiful but fearsome.

It was said that on that night the Blackbird used her wings on Ketterdam so she could cover the sky in darkness so the stars in the sky, the only things the saints could use to watch over mankind was blindfolded in a merciless fog.

And there the Blackbird was born.

Maybe death clung to you, but not the same way that trauma and the cruelness of the world does.

And that's a fate worse than death.

You remember strike one, you and Jesper were kids - happy kids. And the neighbour's son of was considerably older than both of you offered to babysit the one time your Da, and Ma was out.

Jesper was playing in the back, perhaps practicing shooting so he could impress your Mum but you stayed inside saying something along the lines that you wanted to cook some cookies for Dad.

How you wished you hadn't.

That teenage boy had put his filthy little hands on you. He left you in the kitchen tears running down your face and bile that you had to force back down your throat.

Your mother had found you like that and she instantly knew what had happened and she made everything much more bearable. When you had nightmares you would get up and knock on her door quietly enough for her just to hear and because your Ma was a light sleeper but your Da was not, she would get up and see you alright.

The poor woman never told her husband because you had pleaded with her not to. She always did blame herself and she made sure the boy never came around again but she did thank the saints that he didn't go all the way.

She wasn't sunshine, (she always said that was you!) No, she was the faint moonlight in the distance that helped guide you on your way home.

Then she died.

Strike two, was your mother dying. You remember that day where she went to take the poison out of that child and when she did she sucked it back into herself. In your arms was the last place your Ma took her last breath.

That was the day the world had lost its guide home and it always seemed to be in peril after that.

Strike three came almost immediately after strike two. Your father wouldn't talk to you. You became a ghost in your own house, you understood your father though,

she did die in your arms.

Jesper was the only one that didn't make strike three the last strike where the rope was at its point and snapped. He was your armour against the world, with his funny quirks and quips. He was the older brother you needed in those moments.

But armour slowly breaks over time and your dear brother wasn't getting enough out of life at the farm. So when your Father sent Jesper to Ketterdam you went right with him.

You attended college for a bit but eventually, your armour had finally left you. It broke under the stress of everything in his life that he couldn't keep up with yours.

So you meant him.

He was kind but knew when the world was being too cruel. He was wealthy, but not rich. He was sweet, but not puke up rainbows kind of way. He knew you like the back of his hand and always knew how to comfort you. Jesper had actually meant him once before he got too busy with the Dregs and said maybe he knew you too well.

You yelled at him at the time and said that was absurd! He would never do anything to hurt you!

Strike four was falling under his spell.

Strike five was when he told you terrible things about yourself and you thought he was always right. He could do no wrong in your eyes.

Strike six was when he finally started beating you and you had just expected it at this point.

Strike seven was when you weren't allowed to go to school anymore.

Strike eight was when he wouldn't let you see anyone, not even your brother. But you never questioned it, he was basically a saint to you, why would you? Besides Jesper never seemed to have time for you anyways.

Strike nine was when he cheated on you and told you you had to be better.

Strike ten was when he started raping you.

Then one day he was worse than usual and you grabbed the hot poker from the fire pit, that he had used to beat you before, and you had told him to stay away.

Then you ran.

It was the straw the broke the camel's back, it was the saints giving up on him or maybe it was the saints giving up on you.

You didn't care, you were free.

You made one promise that day, that you would never love again.

You learned quickly what Ketterdam was like even before you had meant him, so perhaps that was why it was so easy to become the Blackbird. The girl who never smiled, the girl who only lived only for revenge. The monster that will wipe your existence off of the earth like it was nothing. The ghost that will haunt you when your sins line up too high.

Eventually, you joined the dregs and you connected with your brother once again and he knew something was wrong the moment he felt your presence. He didn't believe you were the Blackbird, the girl who terrorized the streets of Ketterdam.

But he learned to accept it, they all did except for that blasted Brekker boy.

With your time in the Dregs, you had slowly begun to form something with Kaz but you quickly remembered your promise to yourself and you let him go.

Although you don't like to admit it, the Crows had become your friends - family even. You would do anything to protect them even though it didn't seem like it. You were you though, and that was being afraid to even semi-connect with them. Of course, you were, because you were growing a bit too fond of Kaz Brekker and last time that lead you to a fate worse than death.

So you distanced yourself for a while to recollect your thoughts and if you really wanted to stay with them. Did they ever manipulate you? No. Then you came back and you stayed, maybe you weren't the perfect friend or a very good one at all but the Crows knew you even considering to stay was a blessing all in itself.

They were always so patient with you even Kaz, especially Kaz, and you never gave anything in return to them. Guilt would often cloud your mind when you were near them but they were always so amazing something you could never be.

But one day they came to their breaking point.

Killing people wasn't anything new for them, much less you killing people but coming back with a bloodied body and losing contact with them for weeks was probably not the same as just 'killing.'

Jesper pulls you by your bicep into Kaz's office with the other Crows following behind. You stumble in as Kaz slams the door shut being the last one in the room. They stare at you with beady eyes almost like the ones on the infamous birds around the Slat.

"What the fuck Y/n!" Jesper finally yells. Everyone around doesn't even bother to tell him to lower his voice their faces held the same anger that Jes's did.

Silence drowns you in its ocean keeping you in its waters. A chain is wrapped around your throat as you sink deeper and deeper into its depths. You try and swim away, run like you always had before, but the weight around your neck is too heavy, too dense and it slowly drowns you.

You just shrugged your shoulders. How could you explain all that you went through? Why would you want to?

"We can't just brush this off Y/n, we always do, but you crossed a line," Wylan states calmly but firmly at the same time putting a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder trying to ease the tension in the room.

You laugh, you hadn't even been walking a line at all. No, you had been jumping from rooftop to rooftop as they created a chalk line at how far you could go. Balling your hands into fits you snarl, they have been keeping you back. Maybe it's a good thing but you didn't want to admit it.

What about Kaz? A voice whispers in the back of your head.

Your eyes travel to his form in the back. He's leaning on the wall slightly but also using his cane to make himself look up-right. The darkness in the back compliments his angular features making them stand out as if saying he was above you. And to most people he probably was and he deserved that position.

But it didn't matter to you, he was just Kaz to you. Even if you saw him as someone... Important in your life, nevertheless he didn't matter. He was just another powerful man drawing a line that you couldn't cross as the line became smaller and smaller till you were trapped against a wall with nowhere to go.

When you first became the Blackbird, you climbed up that wall, you knew what was going to happen next. And you would never let anyone do that to you again.

"If you think I crossed the 'line' then your wrong." Your voice started out light-hearted (never does a fake smile crawl on your face though) but slowly became menacing and terrifying.

You spin of your heels turning to Jesper. "You've kept me in a cage giving me freedom but always locking me back up in the night."

You turn to Wylan and you mock his voice from earlier. "It was only a matter of time before I would break out." Your eyes lock onto Kaz's and your voice softens while you look at him.

"You knew it was going to happen sooner rather than later. A bird needs to stretch its wings somehow."

"That doesn't mean you get to cut off communication with us for weeks than bringing in a body all bloodied. What you said before doesn't even explain why you did that Y/n," Inej says quietly.

You growl and the people closest to you jump back a little.

"Oh, what are you going to do, kick me out? Half of your businesses wouldn't have even succeeded without me!"

Jesper balls his hands into fists. "Gee for fuck's sake Y/n would just tell us!"

"HE'S THE REASON I'M A MONSTER!"

Your shout makes everyone freeze in their place and there it is again. The overbearing silence that takes over everything with its darkness. Running threw out the room, swirling around you and making it impossible for you to even hear anything other than your own terrible thoughts of madness.

But one voice isn't in your head of that hyena howling at you no, it's real and you can hear it among the darkness. You close your eyes listening in and hearing something other than darkness.

"Y/n." Your eyes snap open and you meet Kaz's eyes and you feel something dangerously close to relief.

"Everyone else out."

The Crows file out of the room one by one following Kaz's order. Everyone leaves but Jesper hesitates at the door and you see your broken armour trying to come back to you again and although it's harsh he wasn't there when he should have been. You understood that he had other problems he needed to sort out but you were his little sister.

You were supposed to stick up for each other.

"Out." Your voice would sound cold to anyone else but to Jesper, it sounds tired and unhappy. Lonely also however it has a hit of love and revenge as well.

The taller brother just sighs though and close's the door.

Kaz's eyes meet yours and your hands start to fidget with the cuffs of your bloodied shirt.

He doesn't say anything, he just stares at you. Willing you to spill information with just a glance. Any God would fall prey to those eyes and they would disclose all their knowledge while also thanking him in the end.

Kaz Brekker had something more powerful than Godly power over you.

So you couldn't help but tell him the real more dark story behind the Blackbird, he had already told you his so maybe, just maybe you could trust him.

"Do you know the Story of the Blackbird?" Your voice rings out against the muteness of the room fighting against it for once in your miserable life.

Kaz nods his head showing you that he knew. Of course, he knew it, was Brekker he probably knows every single version by heart.

"And I assume you know it's about me?"

Rolling his eyes but nodding once again.

You hesitate, knowing that after this you couldn't go back. That these next few words could change everything and why are you even telling this to the bastard of the barrel?

Because you love him.

It's simple and you promised yourself you would never love again but possibly that promise wasn't real because perhaps you never really loved that hyena. Some form of peace has definitely come from killing him, but maybe there's more to moving on from trauma than just revenge.

So with those thoughts in mind, the words tumble out of your mouth and you wouldn't be able to stop them even if you tried.

"Around the time where Jesper was just starting in the Dregs I had gotten a boyfriend. He was... Well, he was the perfect boyfriend but looking back he was too perfect. Basically fake, he was a manipulator and he knew me like the back of his hand. He knew where to press and I was under the impression that he could do nothing wrong." You pause to take a breath but you don't look up from your spot on the floor.

"It started with the small things like little insults thrown my way, but then it grew into bigger things like calling me a slut and what not. I wasn't even surprised when he started beating me."

Your eyes slowly come off the floor and they travel up Kaz's body but never meeting his eyes. You didn't want to see the disappointment that would be held in those eyes. That was inevitable.

"Then every day it started to get worse till he-" You cut yourself off and your legs wobble underneath you and as you collapsed Kaz jetted out and caught you before you could fall.

Tears were running down your face as you gripped Kaz's shirt as he picked you up bridal style and carried you over to the bed. He place's you down and slides in beside you yet there was a good distance between the two of you. But it still gave you comfort and for the first time in a while, you didn't question why it did, you just went with it already knowing the reason why.

You loved him it was as simple as that.

"Then he-" You choked on a sob again and you bring your knees to your chest.

"You don't have to say it." He says gently nothing like what that hyena used to do to you.

"Noah used to rape me." The words come out in a blur and the tight feeling in your chest slowly falls apart and for the first time in a while, you truly feel like a Blackbird - free. Stuttering to breathe in a realization comes to your mind; Noah that monster will never hurt you ever again.

"Oh, my Saints! He's dead!" You cover your mouth with your hand and you lean back onto the headboard tears of happiness smear down your face. You don't laugh though but you feel even clearer than before. You could get used to this feeling.

Slowly you look over to Kaz and you realize the two of you were broken souls beyond repair and maybe just maybe that's what you needed. Perhaps that's what you both need, each other.

"Thank you." You whisper and the ends of Kaz's mouth curl's up a bit into what looks like is almost a smile but not quite. You would get there too one day.

===========TIME SKIP 4 Months======================

You jump from the rooftop gliding through the air and landing on the window sill of Kaz's office. You tilt your head to the side affectionately as you see The Crows getting ready for a heist only they're really just fooling around. Everyone but Kaz of course, he's in his desk chair drawing out some maps.

And they tell you you overwork! Hypocrites.

You open the window silently and you slip into the room unnoticed. You tiptoe over to Kaz's desk and you leap on top.

Kaz raises his eyebrow at you and you just shrug your shoulders, he probably had to stop anyways.

"You know there are other ways to get my attention other than acting like a child?"

"Oh, I know this is just more effective." You playfully respond.

Before Kaz could continue with the banter Jesper interject's just realizing you were here grabbing everyone's attention and placing it on you. Still not a fan of that.

"How the hell did you get from that rooftop to that window!" Jesper points outside in a slightly worried, big brother voice.

So you look him dead in the eyes and say; "I flew."

Jesper laughs along with the rest of The Crows but they stop at your deadpan look on your face.

"You didn't really?!"

"No, I didn't." You roll your eyes, "I didn't even think you knew that I did that."

Jesper comes over and wraps an arm around your shoulders and you immediately tense up.

"I do know some tricks! I am your older brother after all." His tone does get a few octaves of sombre at the end remembering the memories of how he didn't protect you before. But he's here now so you guess that's all matter's now.

You scoot off the desk out of his arm range but you do send him a sorry glance. The memories were just too much to handle sometimes. He just sends me a tiny knowing smile and nods and walk's off quietly (for the first time in his life) over to Wylan.

You watch everyone interact and it almost brings a smile to your face but something is missing and you wonder what it is.

Your question is quickly answered though as Kaz stands up beside you. His ungloved hand slowly garb's onto yours's and slowly you intertwine your fingers together.

"You really are the leader of a bunch of idiots." You say as Nina dares your brother to down a whole bucket paint.

"Yes, that's what it seems."

"But we love them." And for the first time in a while, you smile and it's not full-blown, it's tiny yet it has the whole galaxy in there.

"Yes, Yes I do." But Kaz isn't looking at The Crows he's looking at you.

Words 3517

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover

[maze-of-my-design]

'Cause you defy creation

Ohh I hate you, I hate you, I do

Hands to the night sky, praying you might die

Before I fall in love with you

[Du-dun dun]

I wanna meet your maker Shake him by his ensanguined damask lapels Holler “Look what you’ve done, gave this planet a sun And made a man to wonder if he’s more than the sum of his cells”

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Could you write something about riven being the reader's specialist (she's a light fairy) please? I adore your riven imagines!

Come back to me - Series Masterlist

Pairing: Riven x light!fairy

===============================

It happened quickly. In a blink of an eye, everything happened all at once.

The Burned Ones surrounded them, ready to jump at moments notice, bloodthirsty and dangerous. There was stillness on both sides. If hatred was visible the air would have been scarlet. Each didn't just want the other dead, they wanted them smashed, obliterated, nothing left to bury.

Backs against one another, Riven and Y/N looked around with fear poisoning their minds.

"Stay close to me", Riven orders as if he has any sway in a situation they're in. As if Riven could protect her from a whole pack of uncontrollable monsters who yearn to sink their teeth into her delicate, soft skin.

"We have to fight!" Bloom shouts, panicked, "We can't give up!"

Swallowing thickly, Y/N looks around to see her fairy friends are grouped together, each with a terrified look in their face. Once again fear found her. It spoke to her in its cackling voice. It told her legs to go weak, her stomach to lurch and her heart to ache.

"Close your eyes", Y/N breathes out, heaving.

"What?" Riven whisper shouts, barely able to speak as his own heart is caught in his throat. All he ever wanted was to protect her and show he is a good guy deserving of her trust, yet she's with him when he hoped she wouldn't be. It wasn't death he feared, not when it came to his life, but hers? It would devastate him.

“If I can't save you, I can't save me. Safety without you would be worse than death.” She speaks quickly with a shaky voice but a newfound resolution. Inhaling, her hands form fists.

Raising her voice, she speaks, "Close your eyes", her voice bursts through more fiercely than Riven's ever heard before.

She didn't have time to see if they listened, praying that they did.

She screamed out as a bright light emerged from her entire being, enveloping her like a lover's embrace. It is the kind of brightness that enchants the eyes to open all the wider and warms the skin.

She never felt the warmth like this, not even when Riven's lips gave her breath or when his arms gave her a reason to believe in him. This warmth is different, like the sun had incorporated itself into her soul and is finally shining through.

She looks to her hands, opening the fists that glow an ethereal light force she never experienced. Her light is like sunlight, it comes as woven strands, free and united, flowing as it reveals and solidifies, making the world of nightmares around them into something so beautiful. 

The Burned Ones are gone, running into the darkness and she can't help but giggle, surprised by her own magic that flows through her veins.

"I always knew you're Sunshine", she hears Riven speak with amazement and she turns around in shock. Her eyes are a radiating brown sun warmed with inner gold.

"You're supposed to close your eyes!" She reprimands him but the awestruck look on his face isn't fading. 

He’s dazed, his breath caught in his throat as he examines the wings spread out behind her. They seem so delicate and frail, yet that iridescent glow assures Riven they’re strong - just as she is. 

"I can never close my eyes to such beauty", Riven smiles as he takes her hand, slowly placing it on his chest right where his heart is. His heart is racing, his smile wide and she can’t help but blush with the intensity of his gentle gaze.

"Riv", she starts but he shakes his head.

"You're the light of my life", licking his lips, he watches as her glow diminishes, "You are my fairy and I am your specialist from this day on."

"Think Silva will let that happen?" Y/N chuckles, feeling as if her heart might burst with happiness. She had never been as happy, not even close.

"He always told us we'd know when we find the fairy we are supposed to pair up with and I knew. I know", Riven corrects himself as her light entirely returns inside her and the darkness temporarily blinds him.

He doesn't have to look at her to know she's still the gorgeous girl he is utterly in love with nor does he have to be a mind fairy to know that she is as happy as he is. Maybe she's not as blissful as he feels, as ridiculous as the thought seems, but she loves him too. She told him she does and he believes her. For the first time in his life, Riven believes he is loved, that he deserves to be loved and she is the reason why.

"You are mine", she whispers and Riven only feels her lips brush against his innocently. He smiles, thankful she is with him. Riven was so sure the world they knew would end that night and he didn’t mind - if the end of the world is coming, he’d be glad he got to watch it burn with her.

"I am yours", he reassures her and a grunt escapes him.

Riven hears Y/N's gasp and a distant scream as a shuddered breath passes his lips and the ringing in his ears becomes deafening.

A new light emerged, but not from Y/N. Her hands are on his face, they're shaking as he collapses to his knees.

Gasping for air, Riven's eyes widen as the light flashes across Y/N's face and he can see the tears flowing down her cheeks. She's speaking but he doesn't hear a sound.

His trembling fingers reach for her chin, only then noticing it's quivering.

Drawing a ragged breath, almost desperately heaving for air, Riven's vision narrows. Y/N is all he sees, her lilac scent is all he breathes.

Weak, barely able to keep his eyes open, he realizes her arms are around him and she's the only one keeping him from falling to the ground where she laid in the day with no hope in her eyes.

It was a haunting sight to see for Riven, the lack of hope in anything behind her once hopeful eyes. Will he be the reason why that returns? Just now when he finally has her?

"Please don't die, please don't die", he hears her muffled voice now as the cold settles in and if he wasn't already breaking he feels as if the despair in her voice would crumble him.

"Sunshine", Riven breathes out and her sobs grow louder.

"We got the it! It’s dead!" Sky booms, running toward Y/N who is cradling Riven in her arms, lowering him to the ground but his head remains on her left forearm.

"Its not the infection, it's the wound!" Y/N exclaims, "Find someone!"

"Sunshine", Riven manages to utter her nickname once more, even though he is trembling, barely clinging to his consciousness. He didn’t want her to panic, he wanted her to look at him and smile. If her eyes and smile are the last he sees, he’d be satisfied. 

"Riv, please, please", she weeps, her tears falling on his face as a choked sob makes her cough, "You have to live, please."

"I'll be okay", he whispers, his vision slowly blurring.

"You'll be okay?" She raises her voice, "What about me?! I won't be okay! Riven, please!"

He wished he could comfort her, to help her overcome what is inevitable. Riven wished he had the strength to stay awake and taste her soft lips again. But as hard as he tried, Riven's eyes closed shut and the last thing he heard was her voice, laced with desperation and grief he feared she wouldn't recover from.

And as Riven's eyes closed shut, his uneven breathing sounds are barely detectible. Unable to keep it in, Y/N's bloodcurdling scream echoed the courtyard as she lost control of her powers once again.

Part six