#hands are Pissed but i had to make something or id go insane u know how it goes

[3amsnek]

my excitement for fall is all-consuming atm so here’s a redraw of one of my very first Litens :] (left is now, right is from september 2020)

click for better quality

reblogs >> likes! don’t like if you don’t reblog

[qi-rong-enjoyer]

I posted 328 times in 2021

106 posts created (32%)

222 posts reblogged (68%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.1 posts.

I added 520 tags in 2021

#tgcf - 131 posts

#qi rong - 107 posts

#mdzs - 65 posts

#heaven official's blessing - 44 posts

#jiang cheng - 40 posts

#lang qianqiu - 29 posts

#tgcf fanart - 28 posts

#guzi - 27 posts

#xie lian - 27 posts

#wei wuxian - 22 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#it also reaffirms that his hero is worthy! but xl doesn’t talk to him still. their relationship was deteriorating for years. & he’s startin

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I am eternally sad and disappointed that there aren't any big calamity meetings in tgcf canon because it would be so messy and horrible and dramatic.

u know bai wuxiang wouldn't show up at all bc the dude's basically a fucking cryptid, and even if he were there he'd probably just Stare Mencacingly at you and breathe creepily in someone's general direction, looming ominously over people's shoulders

and also, it'd be so funny because hua cheng and qi rong would be biting each other's heads off about xie lian, and he xuan, whose past is in no way tied to xie lian would just be sitting there wide eyed with a 'what the fuck is going on?? when can I go home?' kind of look to him. too confused and deciding it would be best not to ask who the hell xie lian is.

but when they're not at each other's throats and are having a rare moment of peace and friendliness I imagine their interactions would go something among the lines of

Hua Cheng: if i die my funeral's going to be the biggest fucking party and you're all invited

He Xuan: 'if'

Qi Rong: great, the only party i've ever been invited to and he might not even die

personally, I think we were robbed of this. it'd be pure and utter madness and id want to see it happen. id be sitting there with my fucking popcorn out, lounging on my fuckin beach chair, ready to watch shit go down.

139 notes • Posted 2021-07-02 06:02:51 GMT

#4

sometimes I forget that mu qing is like insanely fucking strong, mainly because he's often described as being very "pretty" and "graceful" and yet when we first hear about him, it's when we hear about him chopping a bell in half with a flick of his wrist.

also, iirc, the kind of saber he uses is a zhanmadao

which, as we can see, is a giant fuckoff weapon, and considering mu qing's level of strength, he could probably carry one around without effort. id shit my pants if I saw him coming at me with that fucking thing, holy hell.

162 notes • Posted 2021-09-04 04:52:38 GMT

#3

hello, it is officially spooky season, and you know what that means: an assortment of bullshit halloween headcanons.

• Ling Wen is the person who hands out floss and toothpaste to trick-or-treaters. Children abhor her, adults are mildly annoyed, because it's halloween, what the actual fuck Ling Wen. Nobody goes to her house for candy because of this and she can happily enjoy a night of peace. Unfortunately, her victory is short-lived.

• Shi Qingxuan is throwing the biggest fucking Halloween party, and everyone is invited. This predictably goes to shit when the house catches fire. Nobody's sure how it happened, or who did it. Shi Wudu is pissed. • He Xuan bought several bags of candy and put out exactly none of them for the trick-or-treaters. He bought that candy for himself, thank you very much, and he's going to gorge himself on it, because he deserves it, fuck you. Share? Him? Absolutely the fuck not.

• Mu Qing and Feng Xin are staying at home watching horror movies. Feng Xin gets scared easily, and the jumpscares spook him. Mu Qing, on the other hand, is having the time of his life, and he won't stop laughing, which does make Feng Xin feel less scared, since it's pretty hard to be scared when there's someone losing their shit right next you.

• Qi Rong and Lang Qianqiu go trick-or-treating with Guzi, who has somehow convinced them into getting matching costumes. Qi Rong would be proud of Guzi if what little dignity he had left wasn't at stake. Lang Qianqiu's brain is just filled with aol dialup noises. Guzi is the only person with the braincell right now.

• Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are staying in, but Xie Lian keeps getting up to give trick-or-treaters candy. Hua Cheng keeps whining and asking him to stay. He wants cuddles, dammit.

• Pei Ming managed to get Ling Wen and Shi Wudu to get out of their houses, and go with him. Yes, they are wearing matching costumes. Yes, they look ridiculous, but somehow, they've managed to make it look good.

• Yushi Huang always has the best candies in the neighborhood. Children crowd around her doorstep, hoping to get some actually good fucking treats from someone who won't try to scare them every time they come near (looking at you, Crimson Rain!)

181 notes • Posted 2021-10-01 19:57:01 GMT

#2

chengqing is very funny to me, because that means the two meanest and most intimidating people in the cultivation world are together, and have decided to make that everyone else's problem.

like, if they ever got married, you know those two would be the scariest (and best-dressed) couple at the sect conferences without even trying and everybody would be fucking terrified of them. sect leader yao wouldn't be able to talk between wen qing staring him down judgmentally like "mhm, how much longer are you going to make yourself look like an idiot?" and Jiang Cheng giving everyone his "I Am This Close To Throwing You Across The Room, So Kindly Shut Up Before I Lose My Restraint And Murder You" face.

282 notes • Posted 2021-09-25 20:45:27 GMT

#1

things about the drama that I will always love:

jiang cheng sword froggie

525 notes • Posted 2021-10-25 19:55:56 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[rosesanthology]

Escape Plan | Matsukawa Issei x F!Reader [mafia!AU]

This took me SO MUCH TIME to write aaaaaah it's not surprising that it's so long :0 i just have many many feelings for Matsukawa Issei ALSO im begging y'all to listen to the playlist before/as you read please !!

Im kinda pissed that i cant add a "read more" option since im on mobile tho :\

(Also ngl at first i planned to get one of the 2 shot but i didn't have the heart to go thru with it)

Warnings : Fluff, it starts with humor but at some point it gets angsty ???? Idk y'all tell me

- Au that could be considered as a ennemies-to-lovers type of situation

[Tags] : @raevaioli and @haikoo like i cannot stress this enough @haikoo this your main manz

- if you could only use one sentence to describe your job to a Karen it would be : stealing from the rich in order to trick other rich people

- you had been what the people would call a spy for most of your life now, the Tokyo based Nekoma Organisation being something close to a family

- you worked with both of your very good friends, Kuroo Testurou and Kozume Kenma

- Kuroo, the leader of your little squad, had been the first one to open up to you when you joined

- he was a gifted chemistry genius and you were sure he could make any poison or soporific out of the most random stuff

- he also had insane combat and physical abilities which made him fit to act in a lab as well as on mission grounds

- Kenma was a little more reserved at first, he was the same age as you but still was really reluctant to accept you as one of his own at first

- when he saw how much Kuroo trusted you and how interested you were in his work he slowly but surely found himself caring for you

- to put it simply Kenma, better known as "apple pi" was a hacker. His job ranged from creating computer viruses to full on enabling the security of whole museums

- despite his cute appearance and shy demeanor he was probably the scariest of you three

- finally, you Y/L L/N was the infiltration and weapons expert of the group, you could weild literally anything from guns, to swords to,,,,,metal rods (but you don't wanna talk about this one) and you were of great help when deciding which infiltration angle was the best in missions

- Kuroo, under the orders of Boss Nekomata, quickly taught you the dangers and ways of the job during your first months working with them, the organisation specializing in outsmarting rich bastards and stealing their precious ressources in order to make "better use of them"

- if they were hoarding a particularly efficient brand of medicine, your goal was to steal it all, and sell it to people in need for free or a low price

- if they were in possession of some important object like let's say,,,,,the construction plans for the emperor's new vacation house, you stole it, made copies to sell at a high price to the highest bidder and your good affiliate, the Fukurodani Corporation would keep an eye on the original as part of their personnal collection, you were fine with that

- yeah they were others organisations like that in Tokyo, your friends from the Fukurodani Corp of course but also the Shiratorizawa elite crime group with who you had worked a couple times before

- ah and there was the Yakuzas too....honestly they were the only group in Tokyo with whom you were still on dangerous terms with

- they didn't like Nekoma in their affairs and you didn't like them in yours, but you tolerated each other

- your boss had established a truce with the representant of the big Yakuza group of your area, Kondo "the viper" Takara, a truly scary woman who had blasted her way to the one of the top positions of the hierarchy

- she even had a cool nickname ヾ(｀ε´)ノ

- but you knew better than to mess with them

- all in all y'all kept doing your jobs well, not bothering anybody

- except for one remaining rivalry with some Miyagi group

- the Aoba Johsai Institution.

- well, rivalry would be a strong word because you kinda got along with that Iwaizumi guy, he was a great hand to hand combat fighter and you respected that

- the others however ? Trash. 👁3👁

- they seem to act like Tokyo will be their territory in the next 5 seconds flat like ??

- THEY DON'T EVEN GO THERE ????

- "they be acting like they can just swoop in and eat OUR rich" you had told Kuroo and Kenma one day over ramen

- spoiler alert : it was a bad idea cause Kuroo snorted and almost made the noodles go up his nose

- no but seriously they always seemed to take advantage of YOUR missions to attract attention

- how did they even know which missions you were on anyway ??? (Kenma and Kunimi are actually good friends cause they play video games together but he'd never tell you that)

- it's like that one time you infiltrated a business company's heir's residence and then you came across a dude named Hanamaki and you had the HARDEST time whisper shouting to him how blowing up the whole place was a bad idea to retrieve one (1) diamond

- at the end you felt so tired that you gave it to him anyway ಥ_ಥ ("just take it ffs" "really ??" "Don't make me regret this")

- they also had the single worst person ever on one of their teams.

- Matsukawa Issei

- just thinking about it made you want to take your metal bat and break something in your shared room with your two other friends

- seriously that guy was like the epitome of clownery

- he's also supposed to be his team's gun expert except that's not the best task for someone who refuses to take anything with him but his freaking FISTS

- the first time you had met y'all ended up being on the same case to assassinate some guy who had kidnapped some cute freckled kid from a place in Miyagi called Karasuno

- EXCEPT HE WAS IN TOKYO SO IT WAS YOUR DUTY !!! NOT HIS !!!!

- you had Kenma on the earbud telling you about the guy's position in the club you were currently one street away from. You were posted on the rooftop of a building with a sniper rifle ready to get done with it and go save the kid but GUESS WHO COMES IN FISTS SWINGING WHEN YOU LITERALLY HAD THE TARGET IN SIGHT

- and he had the nerve to look straight toward your rifle's aim and flip you off while smirking

- sir you're about to catch these hands🚶🏽

- he had knocked him out alright and he got the young boy out but you were NOT ready to let that slide so you quickly got down and crossed path with him at the back exit of the club

- "what exactly do you think you were doing in there ?" Listen. You may have sounded confident enough saying that but you had NO idea that this dude was like a whole ass giraffe

- and he knew he was tall so he had the audacity to say

- "sorry can't hear you so well from down there midget, i was just doing my job (▰˘◡˘▰)" if it weren't for the karasuno boy being right there you would have stabbed his kneecaps on sight

- anyway after that y'all just seemed to run into each other wayyyy too often

- insults were shared just as often tho

- "well butter my buns and call me betty broker if it isn't my sweet little midget shooting people !"

- "stfu before i choke you"

- "kinky but can you reach my neck ?"

- "you've sunk low enough"

-so yeah f u n  t i m e s

- aside from that, business was going great but Kuroo had had news of a very important mission for you but he insisted on letting Boss Nekomata tell you about it himself for some reason

- he'd never done that :(

- you were kinda hurt that your best friend was hiding stuff from you tbh :(

- and Kenma did not seem to know more than you for now

- so you spent a whole week just mopping around

- sometimes you would go and poke fun and the newbie Lev Haiba but it wasn't the same

- Kuroo and Kenma kept working on missions while you were left waiting for that one assignment that Nekomata seemed to keep you for

- until today when Kuroo finally told you that the boss was requesting you in his office

- ngl you were EXCITED

- maybe you would have to zipline down the Tokyo tower (σ≧▽≦)σ maybe he was going to let you take a chainsaw with you this time (σ≧▽≦)σ

- maybe he- "oh" you deadpanned, stepping foot into the office and seeing none other than your arch nemesis, Matsukawa Issei in all his pisces clown glory

- "why tf are you there shitty eyebrows"

- "i had a good day too Y/N ! thanks for asking :D" today was the day. You were 100% ready to kill him and the knife that was attached to your thigh strap seemed like such a good option rn-

- "stop it you two. Y/N take a sit" Nekomata gestured, as you didn't hesitate to listen to your superior even fully aware of Mattsun's eyes annoyingly following your every movement

-"Okay so. Y/N i know you may be wondering why Matsukawa's here but to put it simply we've been informed that a rich family have gotten their hands on one of Aoba Johsai's rarest item : a gold engraved katana that belonged to their first boss"

- "so what do you need us for ?" You didn't mean to use "us" but you knew better than to piss off your boss, he was like a parental figure come on

- "i need you guys to infiltrate an auction held by said family and steal it back in the span of one week. It's up to you to work together or not but keep in mind that our arrangement states that we're autorised to make copies of the katana for future sells."

- you guys nodded, after all you were professionnals before everything and you were about to leave when Nekomata put something on the table

- "here are the keys to your appartment near the auction site it'll be your hideout !"

-.....now this had to be a cruel joke-

- "id rather sleep under a bridge then live with her for a whole week"

- "wow this is the first time we agree on something Mattsun" the oh so familiar nickname dripped in venom as you said it, unsure of what was supposed to happen

- "oh yes you could but i suppose that you don't have the supplies and tools that you will definitely need during that mission :)"

- you locked eyes with the brunette for a minute before reluctantly stomping to the table and grabbing hold of the keys and adress written on a paper, storming out of the door,  letting out a loose "come on shitty eyebrows we have data to collect" to your new....partner ? Ugh it was about to be a long week

-  it turns out the appartment was a lot smaller than you hoped for, with two single person beds, a computer post and different storing purposed furniture

- it was a common thing however, because the last thing an undercover spy would want is to draw attention with a flashy hideout

- the first step was to gather information on who would be at the auction which shouldnt be too hard

- "hey ill take the lead and contact my friend so that he can determine who is going to be here" you said as you sat on the chair in front of the computer

- "mm yeah you do that ill check what kind of weapons have been provided to us" Mattsun had no difficulty finding them as the drawers well full of them....this was very promising

- Kenma had just sent you the list of people that had been invited to the event, and you recognised many names as being members of the powerful Yakuza group lead by Konda Takara, of course.....the infamous viper herself

- you called out to Mattsun to show him and briefly explained what they were up too and how they usually fonctionned

- the auction was to take place the last 3 days after an opening party, leaving the rest of the week for preparations

- they usually took their time in comitting their crimes so you thought that stopping them mid plan by taking advantage of it was the best way to get the sword

- Mattsun didn't have anything to say for the moment, seemingly thoughtful about the whole situation

- "just so you know" you started, already regretting the decision of talking in your head, "i don't plan on being friends with you anytime soon but i feel like for this we should at least try not to rip each other's hair out"

- "i never planned on that second option"

- "huh ?"

- "i hope you know that we've never had a single conversation without insults of some kind before so for the sake of both of us it would be better to actually get to know each other since we're supposed to work together"

- you hated to admit it

- but he was right

- however you didn't comment on it, opting for throwing him a dry "let's sleep" before plopping yourself on your own bed on the other side of the room

- this is about to be one hell of a week

-3 days had passed in the crammed appartement both you and Mattsun struggling to inform yourself on each specific individual that was going to be present at the auction

- right now, you were both sitting on the floor, wearing simple oversized shirts and pyjama pants and shorts, cheese pizza box laying on top of the document covered surface

- "Mattsun, pass me the paper about Okuda Takeda please" :000

- Matsukawa froze, because he knew that in 2 days of living together y'all had establised that you wouldn't be at each other's throats

- but hearing you using his nickname unironically and saying please ???? That was still something he had to get used to

- "what are you staring at ? Give me the paper shitty eyebrows >:[" ah there she was

- "thats my girl" he thought, handing you the document and resuming his own reading

- here's the catch : Mattsun was head over heels in love with you since like day 1 that Hanamaki told him about this pretty girl who let him take the diamond from his mission. He tried to repress his feelings as he had noticed that you seemed way closer with your friend Kuroo who he had seen on missions with you

- maybe you liked him

- he would understand, he seemed way more confident than him and he was also probably way smarter since he was a genius and all

- also the way you were always soft to him and not Matsukawa kinda got to him

- he wanted you to hug HIM after a mission too and NOT insult him

- but he judged it for the better as he still got to be close to you in his own way with the playful fights you always seemed to pick with him

- it was easier than confronting his feelings or rejection

- this mission proved to make things so much harder for him tho

- like yeah he saw you being a badass plenty of other times but now ?

- he got to see you being all clingy and grumpy in the morning (he never knew being called a dumbass while you were falling back asleep on his shoulder was his thing but hey) , got to see your nose scrunch up when you were focusing on mapping out the position of the vent system of the venue

- he could go on for hours about how much he loved you and your plan was not making it easy.....profiting off the yakuzas' plan took way too much waiting and he understood that you wanted it to go as well as possible but he just couldn't keep living like this until then

- it felt like torture

- and he did not want to see you in that gorgeous dress that you were supposed to wear at the auction during the infiltration

- he knew that a couple more days could drive him crazy and make him do dumb shit like kissing you

- he had thought about that a lot of times but never brought himself to do it because je knew it was pointless

- he had to take action now

- the night of the opening ceremony, the day before the Yakuzas would start their scheme

- both of you were laying in your beds, awake, that was a habit you had developped over the past nights, you were just, aware of each other's presence and then sometime you would ask him something about his life, his friends, himself

- it made his heart beat too fast everytime and he could feel himself falling even more by the second when he heard you giggling talking about the time you pulled a prank on your friend Yaku with Kuroo

- he knew that you were already very sleepy from the way you were slurring your words

- "Y/N do you hate me ?" He said, abruptly and he heard a strangled laugh coming from you followed up by the question

- "what's that for dummy ?"

- "please answer" he asked in a whisper, sounding almost desperate

- you took a second to think about it

-you had grown quite close to your tall partner in such a short period of time, even letting your guard down and stopping from being so defensive

- "i don't hate you....i could never" you said the last part more to yourself tho but Matsukawa didn't miss it, he wished he did as he heard the soft sighs coming from your now sleeping form

- his heart ached as he got up, putting on his black coat over his mathing turtleneck shirt, taking his gun and spare map of the auction venue

- you were totally going to hate him now....

- and then he left for the opening party

- the rain was pouring outside

- for some reason you couldn't sleep well that night

- that only happened whenever Kuroo was out on a mission at night or Kenma was working in his office

- you hated sleeping alone, you couldn't do it

- being alone was the one thing you dreaded the most in your life, death was nothing if nobody knew where you were, if nobody aknowledged your existence you weren't alive

- but Mattsun was there and you trusted him.

- yeah you were kind of an ass to him during like 90% of your interactions with him but you just didn't know how to talk to him ??? He was so strong and good at what he did so you couldn't help but feel admiration but also intimidation

- yet you've felt probably more comfortable with him than anyone in your life (yes even Kuroo and Kenma weirdly enough)

- it was a nice feeling

- maybe it was because you saw him differently than them...

- but anyway

- you felt like yourself around him

- and yet

- why couldn't you sleep ?

- "Mattsun ?" You called out to him, voice cracked from not having used it for a while

- no answer

- maybe he didn't hear you over the rain....?

- you had a bad feeling about this

- "Mattsun ?" You called out a little louder, sitting up

- yep definitely

- you turned on the light and to your surprise, Matsukawa was nowhere in sight

- your heart sunk at the realization

- you were alone

- what about the plan ? Ah its true that he never said anything about it

- did he not trust you enough with it ? Did he think you were too assertive ?

- you wanted to cry but it seemed as if your brain wasn't working, your body rushing on its own to check the date and time on your phone : past 10pm on thursday night.....

- the opening party !

- "shit shit shit he must have gone there to take them by surprise wtf is he thinking doing this alone?" You thought aloud, maybe it would trick your body into not being scared

- at this point you were terrified, rushing to get the red dress on as well as putting your 2 guns under each of your thigh straps

- is he alone ? Surrounded by highly trained and dangerous Yakuzas ? What if....you were too late ?

- you didn't have time to think too much about it as you knew that this kind of thoughts led nowhere.

- you had to infiltrate that party the fastest you've ever done in your life and see for yourself, luckily, the venue was only a few crossroads away from your appartment

- truth was Mattsun's plan was not so bad

- after all you had insisted on making him find info on every staff member there too so it's thanks to you if he just so happened to know what type of guy that one waitress liked in order to flirt with her and convince her that he had forgotten his watch in one of the closed off aeras of the venue

- the place was absolutly gigantic, after all it was a mansion bought will illegal money

- he hated this, he just wanted to get it over with, retrieve the sword, gtfo and go back to Miyagi forever so that he wouldn't feel the pain of the illusion of being by your side when you were clearly far ahead of him

- you'd always been anyway

- he had finally reached the generator room and opened the vents with much difficulty as the room was a mess of cardboard boxes and storage shelves

- he was just going to cut the power, which would take about 15 minutes to get back, allowing him to go thru the vents to the main hall that was right thru the wall to his side, retrieve the sword and just make a run for it

- hopefully the rain would cover most of the sound he made so that was even better

- see that would have been great if he hadn't felt the icy cold metal of a gun at the nape of his neck as he was fiddling with the generator

- he had been caught.

- it was the end.

- shit he fucked the whole mission over and now even you didn't have a chance to-

- "what exactly do you think you're doing Mattsun ?" You said coldly even tho the hurt in your tone didnt go unnoticed by the taller man

- "haha Y/N whatchu doing here on this fine night ? You look stunning btw"

- "Cut the crap shitty eyebrows i asked you a question"

- you finally lowered your gun allowing your harsh glare to show how upset you truly were

- damn, Matsukawa really felt shitty :\

- he'd never seen you like that- well not soaked from the rain but....so vulnerable to him

- all your feelings talks happened in the dark of night in your hideout, he'd never seen your face look so pained before

- "I did what was best for both us..."

- "bullshit." He wasn't sure that he believed himself either to be honest

- "what the fuck are you even doing anyway ? I thought you and i were in this mission together ?? Did nothing matter to you ? I finally think that i found someone who i could trust other than my fucking family and that's what you do ? Ditch me for your own profit ?? You did what was best for your damn self Matsukawa"

- you were upset. He got it really, his insecurities had gotten the best of him like they often did....except he didn't have the strength to confront them, to confront you about it. So he got it and he didn't retaliate.

- "so what ?? You're not even going to say anything ?? Not even TRY to fucking apologize ? Do you really don't care ?" You searched for his eyes, but little did you know that he just....couldn't talk nor maintain eye contact with you right now

- "Mattsun...i thought you and i had...something ? I don't know maybe i hallucinated or some shit but i thought we were at least friends you know ? D-did you ever tolerate me at all ?"

- your voice cracked, it got lower and it cracked, and at that moment he was sure his heart broke right at this instant too

- he wanted to tell you that that was the farthest thing from the truth

- he wanted to tell you that he loved you

- but you were too far. Once again, you were miles ahead of him, more than ever

- and the sound of voices coming from the corridor did NOT HELP

- you could not afford being found here so with the professionalism left in you, you pushed your feelings away and pulled Mattsun behind a shelf, crouching and waiting

- you were so close he could feel you shivering from the cold and he felt so so bad

- but now was not really the moment

- "didn't you hear shouting ?" Shit. Maybe you should have waited until getting out of here for your heart to heart because this guard was definitely not trippin

- there were 2, luckily they didn't have the idea to split up to search the room, all you had to do was move low and close to the walls in order reach the door and well....the katana literally could not matter less to any of y'all rn

- at this moment you really regretted going out in such a hurry completly forgetting to contact Kenma, he could have hacked into the camera system and told you were they were so easily.....

- anyway, despite that you guys were stealthy enough to get out if the room

- now the problem was getting out of here.....

- you held Mattsun's wrist loosely as you ran thru the corridor of the building, thunder raging and labored breathing filling the silence

- "Y/N we could get out from the rooftop !" Right....if you could only get there then maybe you could just parcour your way out of this by getting on other rooftops....damn you were glad Matsukawa always thought of every escape plan possible

- you didn't really mean what you said earlier

- yes, you were disappointed but, you were also scared for his dumbass

- and rn may not be the best moment to realize it as you were most likely in a life of death situation but....you loved him

- fuck you loved him so much that you were running in a goddamn dress right now

- "i truly hoped it wasn't you" said a voice from the end of the lobby

- of course it just had to be the Yakuza boss you dreaded so much

- Kondo was just standing there, arms crossed but you knew better than to take her lightly

- "did you come to retrieve it ?" Its funny how her voice seemed to dominate even the full on storm outside, the occasional lightning bolt shining light from the huge windows into the corridor

- "No....let us pass please we just want to leave" Mattsun felt how tensed you were and immediatly rested his hand on his gun handle under his coat

- "yeah sure sweetheart but only if you tell your guard dog to calm down unless he wants me to cut his fingers clean off" she threatened nonchalantly as her hand met the handle of her own katana strapped to her belt

- Matsukawa was deadass glaring at her so hard you didn't recognise him

- he honestly looked like he could take her on but...you didn't feel like testing this theory tonight

- "hey hey, it's alright" you soothed him, putting your hand on his arm and squeezing slightly

- it seemed to work because he quickly let go of his gun even tho he was still glaring

- "let us go" he said firmly

- she pushed herself out of the way and motionned with her arm as if to say "go on~" in the most theatrical way

- you passed her without issues and soon found yourself on the roofs as planned in Mattsun's escape route and made it safely to the streets, rain still pouring

- you were finally letting out a breathe you didn't know you were holding all this time

- you were alive and most importantly, so was he

- you turned around and were ready to say something when he cut you off by grabbing your arms and pulling you into a kiss

- it was short but it managed to get his point across very well as well as warm you up when he wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his forehead against yours

- "i love you Y/N....i swear i didn't mean to hurt you and put you in danger like that....if i knew i would have done things differently i-"

- "i love you too Mattsun and it's never been a problem to me, i've done way more dangerous things in my life than rescue my boyfriend from getting killed dummy"

- in the end, you weren't alone

- somehow he had become, your escape plan from it

[talkingismylifewrites]

So I saw in one of your replies you came up with a mob boss au. Would you ever write it and put it on A03 cos I would LOVE to read it. Also please say John's the mobster who's like "if you mess with Roger you'll die" so a rival gang kidnap Roger to blackmail John. But then Roger turns out to be trained in combat and beats the shit out them all and escapes and when John hears he's just like "I fucking warned you not to mess with him!"

okay this is a) a long time coming and b) was born from me watching all of narcos in like...a week

in fact, it legit started with me texting lo “maybe i’ve been watching too much narcos but.....” 

okay so our story begins with the knowledge that roger’s dad ran the mob

like roger is his heir and his son and his dad is the Big Kingpin

john’s dad is a shitty little lackey who has waaaaaaay too many debts so he grew up in the mob?? but lower ranks

and john sorta started getting involved when he was like 10 or so bc no one looks twice at the nicely groomed white kid right? and his dad was Desperate

and like he and roger had this whole Star Crossed Lovers shit bc a) roger was Not Allowed to be Gay and b) they weren’t ever supposed to have even met like completely different pay grades

BUT roger overheard him arguing with his dad over a better way to do a job that would be less dangerous and way harder to track but he got brushed off with a “the boss is always right you don’t argue john it’ll get you killed”

but rog was like.... shit no that’s WAY better

and ended up dropping a few lines to find out who this kid is cause... he’s smart and smart goes far right

like u gotta look Out for the smart ones, he knows that, his dad taught him that

(with backhands and cruel fists while teaching him chess, that one night in the barrel when he fucked up a simple plan when he was 13...)

(like rog is smart he’s just not Great at compartmentalization. so his plans start out great but go off the railed as he gets excited/pissed off) but like johns smart he picks up when he’s suddenly being tailed and is like Ok What Did I Do to one of them

and the guy panics and takes him straight to roger who is like..... how did u fuck up a simple tail, Jesus Christ

but yeah like he and john end up having a sort of clandestine friendship of sorts? in which roger essentially brings half baked plans to him and john Fixes them

which sorta turns into mutual pining

john is like this is my angry mob boss son best friend and roger’s like this is my evil genius best friend who kills people

but yeah basically roger’s dad keeps beating him when things go wrong, even if its not his fault

John is observant okay he was noticing the direct correlation between roger “getting jumped” and plans going wrong

So when it’s one of his??? That goes tits up (and tbh it wasn’t even like a bad screw up they just had a witness who was taken care of the next day) and roger like slinks into Johns apartment/office with the break down for John and his eyes is swollen completely close and he’s got a fat lip the size of a strawberry John immediately is ready for murder

And roger never admits it’s his dad???? who’s beating him???

because Taylors Should Be Better

Because why would he? It’s embarrassing but also it’s happened his whole life it’s expected of a mob bosses son (think the Baba Yaga scene in John wick 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻)

which then turns into john pounding him into the mattress and promising no one will Ever land a hand on him again when he turns up one time with a battered to hell face because something went Wrong on one of the plans (which. extra emotional effect bc it was one of johns)

and like a month later roger’s dad is mysteriously found shot dead

cuz John mentally is like okay. Plan Ides of March is a go. Moving it up three years he’s getting taken out tomorrow

And John KILLS ROGER’S DAD IN COLD FUCKING BLOOD

the only??? person??? roger would EVER take that from is his dad

like johns heard the stories about roger taking out men twice his size yeah? but roger never has any defensive wounds on his hand

John knows that roger can and will defend himself

He’s seen him in action

But he never raises a hand against his dad when he straight up could kill him with one hand tied behind his back

so john figures it out and a month later roger’s dad is dead 

and now they need a leader?? another boss

and they look to roger, but roger is like no

he knows himself well enough, he is not strong enough in terms of planning and plotting, he’s a good action man but not strategist

that’s john

so roger steps aside and is like john is going to run the show

obvi there’s a power void and there’s basically civil war but with roger’s ruthlessness and john’s genius they fucking take all the little fractions down and they take them down HARD

john sits on his throne with roger standing over his shoulder, knuckles bloodied and grin wicked

and everyone knows if you fuck with roger??? you fuck with john

and vice versa

once, roger got shot on a mission and it was like, the one time?? john loans him out for a plan that wasn’t his

and he’s fine it’s just a graze but John and him in their bathroom and Johns like hyper focused on cleaning the wound and he furious and harsh and is like you fucking dumbass did no one teach you to duck?? You fool you dumb piece of shit

and roger just gently cradles john’s face in his hands and lifts his head to look at him and kisses him so gently and he’s like it’s okay, i’m fine, i’m here

and john’s like you are never going on any raid or plan or anything that i have not PERSONALLY vetted 

the next day, the guy who’s plan it was is sniveling and apologizing on his knees in front of John and Roger; it was an accident, he says

and johns like “it’s okay. i understand, these things happen.”

and then just blank eyed shoots him in the femur

“these things just happen, you understand?”

roger just smiles from behind him, doesn’t even flinch in the aftermath

john and roger rule with an iron fist until one day things go tits up

and roger ends up taking the fall for john, and he gets sent to jail

john, in retaliation, goes on the warpath

Because he’s totally turned around the family business they’ve gone more corporate and it’s more like s legit business now?? They still kill people and rob and shit but they’re not monsters or criminals

And they give money back into the neighborhood and shit and donate to charity and kiss babies blah blah blah

But the authorities are like we need to show our strength against these villains so Rogers looking at like 25years to life

And John just kinda is like okay cool I can fix this

And it’s the biggest campaign ever he’s got the best lawyers on retainer he’s blackmailing people left and right he’s buying witnesses and finding loopholes like he’s fucking working the system and he’s gonna get roger out even if it kills him because in his eyes it was His Fault

Roger is like your honor clearly there’s been some sort of mistake

Because the only thing that places him there is a grainy cell phone video and a witness that’s not exactly clean

So like the case isn’t solid

But it’s enough for a trial like most of it is circumstantial

And John is like I would kill the whole world for you and Rogers like sounds excessive but same

the difference between roger and john is that john would kill the whole world for roger after sitting down and planning the whole thing for several weeks. roger would kill the whole world for john and not remember doing it after (though still probably not regret it)

Roger would act first think later

And John would be like oh I planned it all out two years ago in the shower

Just in case

so roger gets sent to jail and john just...looses it

like he has to get yanked off of miami when the verdict is read of two years sentencing because its not technically miami’s fault??? its just shitty

and meanwhile, roger is getting dragged off to jail and he’s like don’t worry, babe, it’s gonna be fine

(it both is and isn’t)

roger shows up in jail and within a week he’s running the joint, he’s got lackeys and he’s paid off the guards and its basically a vacation

meanwhile john is just burning his competition to the ground, he’s making people rue the day they ever crossed him

(they TOTALLY get conjugal visits that last longer than uhhhh usual)

bc you betcha ass they’d be So fucking possessive of one another. like roger rules that prison with an iron fist 

anyways, miami appeals on the basis of circumstantial, and he basically proves that legit ANYONE else could have done it and this is clearly railroading and obviously roger is innocent

and after 8 months, he walks

when he gets out???? john is there to pick him up

they drive off to a safe house outside of the city and they had wicked crazy dangerous hot sex and its just insanity

and when they come back??? 

its like people know to just flee when they see them

john, mob boss and kingpin, and roger his dangerous and beautiful second in command 

also freddie is roger’s bff, miami is their lawyer, and crystal is roger’s bodyguard who always gets into more trouble than roger but he once took a bullet for roger so he’s chill

ps anyone tries to kidnap roger??? gets dealt with a) by roger and if roger manages to let them get away then b) john. you’d rather be dealt with by roger, and not john

[tanjisung]

reading winter soldier 2019 ig

okok so i just ended up episode 1 of winterfalcon and i got overexicted bcus bucky is way too pretty wtf ??????? so i wanted to read one of his solo hqs but i couldnt find winter soldier 2012 anywhere so im reading wintersoldier 2019 very nice very nice so see my live coments + freak outs abt the internet and my opinion at the end :D

chapter one ^_^

wtf is this really only 5 chapters short thats so lame but ok that means i can end it fast

I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE MY INTERNET STOPPED WORKING JUST BY THE MOMENT I STARTED READING THIS SHIT WTF

OK IT CAME BACK

lets get going first of all damn stop being so hot

OMG HE GOT HIS REDEMPTION NOW HE IS GONNA HELP OTHER PEOPLE TO GET REDEMPTIONED YES BUCKY BARNES CEO OF REDEMPTIONS I LOVE HIM SM

AND THE BLOODY INTERNET STOPPED AGAIN I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE tHATS WHY I HATE RAINY DAYS

OK IT CAME BACK AGAIN FOR FUCKS SAKE lets reload the page`~~~~~~~~~~~~

why are u talking to a cop no bucky no no

this just reminded me of a barry episode ive seen with my dad nice

WHO TF IS THAT MAN

im so sad so so so so so sad why

IS THAT TONY STARK????????????

ye it is that little bitch i hate you comics tony stark i hate you so much ill never forgive you for doing SHIT at empyre ohhh ill be here in my place with reed just doing nothing while someone is trying to explode the sun WELL DONE TONY WELL DONE

+ ur just an asshole the whole universe i only kinda like you in civil war because i hate steve 67897890x more

ok ends tony stark hate club

IDK WHO TF ARE YOU BUT COULD U TAKE MY HAND IM MARRIAGE ????????????

maybe thats just bcus he looks a lot like jason todd ok .. but he is still very cute and seems nice

chapter 2 ^_^

aparently his name is rj now im wondering do i search his name on the internet or do i just continue reading

MARVEL DEATH THE KID

HE IS TRYNA KILL BUCKY WTF U JUST SAD YOU ARE A FAN

stalker energy pls behave yourself rj

WTF IS THIS WHY DOES THIS KID HAVE VIBRANIUM

STOP TRYING TO BE JASON TODD YOU'RE NOT HIM

wait what if he is like a parody like wase wilson and slade wilson that would make me hate u marvel cause you could never make something as great as jason im very very sorry

also i hate that slade wade shit it doesnt even make sense like the product is amazing asf but the reason is weird idk not nice

ok he reminds me of my rpg character now im sad ..

PIECE OF SHIT WTF IS THIS THING STOP

WHO IS THIS MANNNNNNNNNNNNNN WHY DOES HE LOOKS LIKE JOHN CONSTATINE FROM WISH

WHY ARE U TELLING MJT (marvel jason todd) THAT HE FAILED NOOOOO

FOR FUCKS SAKE NO ONE ASKED YOU SHIT

BUCKY UR SO HOT AND SMART AND AMAZING <33333

chapter 3 lets goooooo :P

i hate you so much tony stark go away just go fucking away for once

RJ HAVING THERAPY THATS IT MY BOYYYY GIVE ME A KISS UR SO AMAZING CONGRATS SWEETIE

Pls bucky and rj i want you two to have brothers energy pls big bro bucky thats so cute

hot boy bucky by the sound of hard to kill by someone that i dont recall right now yes sirrrrrrrrr

rj tell me the truth ur transmasc right

THAT IS SO WEIRD BOOOOO BUBBLE MAN

omg this looks like mother virus created reality

NO HE IS BEING PUNCHED /snk flashbacks

HE TOOK HIS ARM

RJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

RJ IS SAYING A LOT OF DEEP TRUE THINGS RN SAY IT LOUDER

he is so jason todd .....

U MADE BUCKY CRY FORGET EVRYTHING I JUST SAID FUCK YOU RJ

RJ HAS A DAD ??????????????????????/

BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

chapter 4 ^_^

IRISH AND ITALIAN HOLY FKCNG SHIT THAT IS SO HANDSOMENESS MATERIAL

that is so cool that man is so cool give him a solo comic idc he is just rj's father he is cool asf

MARRY ME RICHIE YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE

richie dilf

i love single dads so much im emotional now

RJ IS CRYING THAT IS TDTAYDHS THAT IS SO

IS THAT FUCKING MAFIA ??????????????

WHY RICHIE

RJ UR SO AMAZING PLS

BUCKYYYYYYYYYYY

FIFTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS THAT IS INSANE WTF

RICHIE WHY ARE U TREATING BUCKY THIS WAY I LOVED OU YOU MOTHERFUCKER

yes he is gonna help him nice bucky 1 kiss

WHERE DID U TAKE ALL THIS MONEY FROM

RICHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

he reminds me of another rpg character omg hunter come back to me pls

NO RICHIE U FAILED ME

YES BUCKY THANK U

Im so sad i trusted you richie u were gonna be hunter u were gonna be the cool single dad ok im sad fuck you im sad

HE KILLED RICHIE ???????

i was just going to celebrate richies death but now i just remembered that bucky doesnt wanna kill anyone so he is probably gonna be sad by killing him noooooooooooooooooooooooo

chapter 5 tHE LAST ONE NO

SWEETIE UR DAD IS DEAD omg that rhymed

U LEFT HIM IN YOU CAR WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM

this looks like a life is strange scene

yes of course his life will be better but at the same he doesnt know his dad is a piece of shit he will still be pissed and probably depressed but mostly pissed actually bucky u might die

WHY IS WISH JOHN CONSTANTINE HERE I DONT LIKE YOU SIR GO AWAY LEAVE THE KID ALONE

actually how old is rj thats a good question

ok apparently google doesnt know the answer im guessing 16

HE IS SO NICE AND AMAZING AND BADASS I LOVE YOU

OMG NO NOW HE KNOWS HE KILLED HIS DAD NOOOOOOOOOO

im mad abt he punching bucky but id do the same thing he is in right to be very mad abt it ok go on

HE KILLED WISH JOHN CONSTANTINE YES RJ UR ALWAYS RIGHT

#RJ: trans rights? of course! im trans and im always right

NO IT ENDED UP ALREADY NOOOOO

ok very cool comment section now by lucas tanjisung (me) lets go

lets start by the fact that bucky is as pretty in the comics as in the movies since this is from 2019 it might be actually inspired in sebastian stan but im not sure anyways very good looking so +678 points

one thing is that after just seeing the winterfalcon episode i guess that bucky is a very right connection to this one but like a few months later with all the getting better thing and if that is the case well done marvel it looks great

other very good thing abt this shit : RJ . pls im already in love with this like psycho traumatized teenager and maybe thats because im a very big fan of marvel teenagers in general but he has a very deep backstory that could be very useful to the universe in general. idk if he is in any other comic but an origin solo for him would be top tier or one of him after wintersoldier events and him being an anti-hero of something (or maybe thinking very high rj young avenger that would be sick

now one thing that i didnt like very much is that like .. ok i get it makes sense with his whole story and all that and i like redemption arcs a lot BUT ANTI-HEROES OR JUST KILLING HEROES ARE SO MUCH NICER AND COOLER LIKE .. (okok my fav super-heroes aren't killling heroes but u have to be the best of the best to be a not killing heroe and be good u know thats why they are my fav) COMING BACK .. i just wanted to see bucky destroying enemies and boom explosion fights and all that but it was a more deep and like thoughtful comic that differs a lot to what im used to so maybe thats why i got a little weird abt it, but counting everything it is an AWESOME comic with AWESOME drawing styles and an aweome meaning that showed a lot of emotional shit abt a character i didn't know that well

i had to rate it from 1 to 10 it would probably be an 8,5 so very cool marvel well done

[tomhsparker]

missing you - tom holland imagine #4

about : Tom is away at SDCC while promoting Spider-Man Homecoming. Things start to go downhill as a Facetime call ensues and jealousy arises. 

Warnings : a teeny bit sad. drunk tom!

-

The ID caller showed up on your phone and you grinned, flopping down onto the bed as you answered the call. Tom’s smiling face filled your screen and you giggled, greeting him with a simple ‘hello Thomas’.

 “Y/N! It’s crazy here!” Tom shouted, “I’ve never seen anything like this before! There were thousands of people on the panel it was insane!”

 “Are you having fun?” You asked, a small yet tired simper reaches your lips.

 “Loads! Everyone’s amazing! Laura is here, Jacob is here, Tony is here, oh and Zendaya is here too!” He continued to ramble on about how everyone had secretly arrived to the convention but your heart sank at her name.

 Tom was an extremely sweet person, and he was definitely good-looking. Your biggest fear from letting him leave to Atlanta was him finding someone new. What if he found someone else prettier, smarter and better than you? Maybe he was already tired of you.

 And it didn’t help that Zendaya was a part of your worry. She was the kind of girl you’d always want to be. She was gorgeous and successful, not to mention extremely talented. You let your insecurity get the best of you sometimes and you would always feel a bit glum whenever you saw them together. However, Tom wasn’t aware that you felt that way.

 “Isn’t Zendaya pretty?” you piped up randomly, playing with the hem of your sweatpants.

 “Yes, she is. Why?” Tom sounded confused. He looked at something behind the camera and he laughed, slapping his chest.

 “Oh, that’s amazing, Z,” he chuckled before looking back at you on the phone, “sorry babe, were you saying something?”

 You were about to say something before he interrupted you, laughing again and talking to someone you could only assume was Zendaya. You could hear her laughter too and you flinched, feeling annoyed. Anger and jealousy was already bubbling inside of you. Rolling your eyes, you scoffed at how he was so oblivious to you on the phone as he dropped his phone to his side so all you could see was his pants.

 This was the first time in days he had facetimed you, and you felt so put off by how he wasn’t even paying attention to you.

 Pissed off, you pressed the end call button hardly, ending the facetime. You put your phone beside you and picked up your laptop, trying to calm yourself down.

 It seemed like the world wanted to rub everything in your face when you clicked on a random song on your spotify. Everything I’m Not by The Veronicas came on and you gasped, throwing up your arms in anger.

 “Oh, come on!” You yelled at no one in particular.

 The song blasted on your speakers and you sighed, letting it play.

 Your phone beeped once.

 Twice.

 Thrice.

 Tom’s face popped up on the screen, indicating a call coming in from him.

 You ignored it, letting the ringtone play amongst the loud tunes of The Veronicas.

 It stopped for a few seconds before ringing again. This time you decided to decline the call.

 A text came in. You peeked.

 Tom x : babe, what’s up? u  just hung up?

10. 50 pm

 Tom x : y/n? Im gonna call u again.

10. 52 pm

 Tom x : why did u decline the call?

10. 58 pm

 Tom x : did i do something wrong?

11. 05 pm

 You snorted, picking up your phone and typing a quick reply.

 Me : idk ask zendaya lmao

 Me : im gonna sleep. Have fun at comic con.

 Just as you were about to put away your phone, it vibrated.

 Tom x : I think I know what’s going on. Are you jealous of Z?

11.08 pm

 Tom x : I hope you know I love you, and that I will never eye another girl that’s not you. I understand how you feel, I get sad whenever I think of all the other boys that are with you everyday. So i dont blame you. But you can trust me love. I promise.

11.09 pm

 Tom x : z and i are just friends, nothing more babe. Im way too in love with you. Also im sorry if ive been distant. I miss you so much and i havent been able to really talk to you. Ive been very busy with work and everything else i just idk i feel really guilty now.

11.11 pm

  Tom x : call me back when u wanna talk. Im sorry, i love you. Xx

11.13 pm

 You sighed, giving in. You could tell he was feeling really crappy about it as you watched a livestream of the convention. Marvel was holding a livestream for the interviews and you saw Tom pop up in the screen when you opened the website.

 His eyes were downcast even though he had a small smile on his face. Tom was less energetic and gave the interviewer half-assed answers. He kept crossing and uncrossing his arms and he fidgeted a lot on his feet.

 His iPhone was gripped tightly in his hand, and every few seconds he went to check it.

 Probably for my reply, you thought.

 When the interviewer ended, you saw him walk away from the camera. The interviewer was about to interview Lupita Nyong’o next when another text from Tom came in.

 Tom x : love i really am sorry. maybe u went to sleep already. Im sorry. I love you. Goodnight. Xx

11.25 pm

 “Meh screw it,” you mumbled, pressing the call icon on his contact name.

 He picked it up immediately after the third ring.

 “Hello?” he said quickly.

 “It’s okay,” you sighed, slumping on the bed, “sorry, I just got jealous. I shouldn’t have hung up on you like that.

 “It’s just..I miss you so much Tom. And we haven’t facetimed in so long and.. I don’t know I was pretty pissed off by how you weren’t paying attention to me.”

 “I know, I know,” you could hear his guilt from across the line, “I’m really sorry. There’s just been a lot going on right now.”

 You sighed, “okay, now go and have fun. We can talk more later. I’m not mad at you anymore so don’t worry.”

 “Are you sure?”

 “Positive, I’ll be fine,” You lied through your teeth, even mustering a fake smile.

 Tom hummed, before speaking again, “I’ll call you when you wake up. I love you so much, Y/N. Goodnight, love.”

 “Goodnight,” you mumbled back as you hit the ‘end call’.

 Grabbing a pillow from the top of the bed, you clutched it tightly into your chest as sobs began to rack through your body. The tears didn’t stop flowing, even after half an hour.

 You’d think he would notice that you really weren’t okay.

 You missed him so much.

 And it already felt like, to you, he was slowly drifting away.

 -

 The next morning was horrendous. You woke up to the feel of your soggy pillow and puffy eyes. Rubbing your face, you snuggled further into your duvet.

 There was no way you were going out today. Your heart felt the heaviest it had felt in a long time and nothing seemed to motivate you to get out of bed.

 You missed him too much.

 Making calls to everyone, you apologised for not feeling well and rescheduled everything.

 Nothing mattered more than the ache in your heart. If your mind wasn’t in the game, there would be no point in getting into the game in the first place.

 You decided to check your notifications and was surprised by the amount of texts Tom had sent in.

 Tom x : Good morning, babe. I hope you slept well. I’m out here in San Diego, in some bar. Missing you. 💛

7.30 am

 Tom x : I hope you’re not angry anymore. It’s been bothering me the whole day. I’m still sorry.

7.45 am

 Tom x : baEb i lpve you si much…….im sorry yoi think i luv zebdaya….i dont… i love you im sorry

8.30 am

 Tom x : jacOb says in Drunk! Haha@ he keeps tellinf me that i should go homE

8.35 am

 Tom x : i sAid wherE? LonDon? He saiD no You IdioT the Hotel

8.36 am

 Tom x : i saiD it aInt HoME UNLESS y/n is wit me

8.38 am

 Tom x : jeusu chrisy i lovw you

9.00 am

 Tom x : i jusT PUKED  I WISH YORE HERE Y/N YOU MAKe me FEEL BETTER

9.28 am

 Tom x : I MISS YOUUUY

9.35 am

 You stared at the screen, taking it all in.

 Tom got drunk last night.

 Yet, all his words seemed so sincere. Just before you could exit the chat, a new message came in.

 Instead, this was from Harrison.

 Haz O : hey y/n, i think you probably read the drunk texts tom has been sending. just want to tell you. tom has been drinking a lot for the past 2 hours. he’s upset, y/n. after he puked on the sidewalk, he cried. he cried about how much he missed you and how he didn’t deserve you. that you lie when you say you’re okay. he said that it would be easier if you both broke up. you could find someone better. so, stop being mad at tom. there's nothing going on between z and tom. If they did, i would've told you. he’s feeling so guilty for no reason.

 You felt hot tears gathering at the side of your eyes. He was beating himself up because of your jealousy. Guilt took over you as you fumbled to type out a quick reply. A plan was already forming in your head and although it involved a lot of money, you knew it would help in fixing this problem.

 It was probably too reckless and spontaneous, but you had enough of missing Tom and clearly, Tom was sick of missing you too.

 You : I’m getting on the next flight to San Diego. Take care of Tom for me. x

[writers-blog12]

I'm in love with someone I can't be in love with

I jostled in the back seat, a plastic smile plastered to my face. I tried to act happy, but to be honest? I'm just having a really bad day.

Simon's blue eyes caught my own in the rearview mirror. "Hey, you okay?"

My heart thuddwd in my chest. A flash of denial cut through my thoughts.

No. It can't happen. Get over it.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why do u ask?" I give a light chuckle, fooling everyone else in the car with ease. Except for my best friend, Kodak. And someone who should hardly know me at all: Simon.

Kodak simply raised his eyebrows at me, but understood I didn't want to talk and looked away.

Simon, however, narrowed his eyes. "You sure about that, Brit?"

"Simon, I'm fine. I'm having a great time."

Simon simply grunted and lowered his brows.

I ain't gettijng out of this one. Not with both of them on my butt.

Shortly after the volleyball game, with full stomachs, Simon dropped everyone off one by one. Kodak shot a were facetiming tonight look my way as he shut the door. Simon nodded his head to the front seat. "Hop up here."

"In fine back-"

"Front seat. Now. I am not moving this car until you get up here."

"Simon, really, I'm fine-"

He threateningly held his hand to his chest. "I'll do it," he threatened.

" Dont you dare," I growl, already preparing to pounce on his arm.

He flung his arm in a straight, diagonal motion, and I leaped forward and pressed his arm down to his leg. I shot him a withering glare until I noticed the humor in his eyes and the slight quirk in his smile. "What are you-!" I trailed off as he just looked down at our hands. Too late, I felt the tingling sensation that danced across my skin every time I touched him.

My hands were pressed against his open palm, resting on his thigh.

"When'd you get so forward?" His rumbling voice behind me made me jump a little. Before I could pull away, he intertwined my fingers with my own. He held our hands up to his face, my breath hitching in my throat. "Did you paint your nails finally?"

"Uh, yeah. I was just bored the other day and saw this picture on Instagram and I was like wow I really need to get back into painting my nails and..." My sentence died when I heard Simon's breathy laugh. "What?" I ask, nervous.

"It s just that you haven't moved yet."

After a moments hesitation, I retracted my limbs and planted myself in the passenger seat. I folded my hands tightly together and held them in my lap. I tried to hide the trembling shaking through my body.

"what's wrong, Brit?" Simon asked, probing my eyes for answers.

"I told you, I'm fine!" I put on my most winning smile. "Nothing to worry about!"

Simon allowed his eyes to flicker down to my hands, shooting a pointed glance my way.

My hands sprung apart. "Uh, my house is just a few blocks away."

"Im aware." He put the car in gear. "What's your curfew?"

"...why?" I answered cautiously.

"Would you just tell me?"

"...ten thirty."

"Cool." He took off, but missed my block.

"Simon, you missed the turn."

He kept his eyes fixed to the road, replying with "I know."

"Simon, what are you doing?" A feeling of uneasiness and nerves knotted in my chest.

He looked over at me, taking his eyes from the road. "You gonna start talking sometime?"

"Simon, eyes on the road!" I nearly shrieked, voice tight.

Simon only waggled his eyebrows. "Why?"

"Simon!" I reached over and grabbed the wheel, gently pulling the car away from the median. "Are you insane!?"

Simon gently grabbed my wrist, the pressure of his fingertips almost burning my skin. He guided me back into my seat, and returned his eyes to the road. "What's wrong, Brit?"

I sighed. "I just had a bad day, that's all."

"What made it a bad day?"

I lowered my head. "Don't really want to talk about it."

Oh, trust me. I did want to talk about it. But not with him. Because I was upset, because of him.

" Yeah, you do, come on."

"You've known me for five weeks and five days, how do you know I want to talk?" I burst, my tone close to angry.

"Ah, you've been counting down the days since you met me, I see." He smirked. "Didn't know you paid so much attention to me."

Despite my best efforts, I felt a blush creep up my skin. "I dont."

"Mhmm. And I suppose you just happened to run to the band room as fast as you can after school."

"I need to get my violin."

"Yeah, but you're always in there before I am."

"I never see you in there."

Simon suddenly made fierce eye contact with me, too captivating to turn away. "Do you want to?" He asked.

I opened my mouth for a stinging retort, but the words stuck in my throat. I clamped my jaw shut. I don't lie to my friends. And truth be told, if I told him I didn't want to see him, id be lying.

"In going to take that as a yes."

"Simon..."

He held a hand up. "Just hold on." He turned a corner and continued. "I asked you out the second week of school. I told you everything about..." He swallowed. "M y past, and my home life. I've told you everything." He took a deep breath, preparing himself. "And you told me you couldn't go out with me, because I don't believe in God. But you also said...you also said you really liked me."

"Because I do," I whisper.

"Wha t was that?"

"I did," I hurriedly correct myself. No, you still do.

"Brit, do you still like me?"

"Its... complicated, Simon."

"Why is it so complicated?"

Something inside me burst. But not immediately. More like I began to leak. I sighed. "You know how I've never kissed anyone, never wanted to hug anyone, hold hands with anyone?" I whisper

"Yeah," he rumbled.

" You know how in class sometimes we..."

"Play footsie?" He laughed.

"An d then we stay there," I say, barely audible.

Simon grew silent, face revealing nothing.

" It drives me nuts, you drive me nuts, Simon. You are the first guy I've ever done that with. The only guy I have liked the touch of." I took a shuddering breath. "And I hate that."

"Why?" He asks, clearly confused.

I roll my eyes, trying for an annoyed tone. Probably failing. "Because I can't be with you, you idiot! You are the first guy I have even ever thought of kissing and-"

"Wait, wait, wait," Simon cut me off. His eyebrows were creased, yet I could catch the faintest smile beginning to split his face. "You've thought about kissing me?"

My eyes widened as I realized the horror of what I had done. "No, no, now, let's not get ahead of ourselves-"

"Was I good?"

The question brought me up short. "I don't know! I've been trying not to think about even hugging you, let alone kiss- just forget what I said! Turn around." I folded my arms and looked out the window, my knee bouncing involuntarily and making the chair emit a horrible squeaking sound.

I felt a warm hand rest on my knee, but my mind was too muddled with thoughts to notice. A few seconds later my ears caught something-silence. I looked down at me knee to see it had stopped bouncing, and to see a large, scarred, calloussed hand over top of it. Hoping he wouldn't notice, I slid my eyes over to look at him. He had one hand on the wheel, one hand on my knee. He looked good. Then I broke myself from my trance.

"Gosh-danging it, Simon!" I pulled my knee away, pushing his hand away with both hands.

" What? The squeaking was annoying."

"See, this is what I'm talking about! You drive me nuts when you touch me, I get all flustered whenever you're around, I don't think as well, about what I'm saying, and I want to be with you, and I can't because I can't be with someone who doesn't believe in God and I'm mad at you but I can't be mad at you because you're not mine and I can't be jealous because you're not mine and..." My voice was shaking, and breaths fast and short.

I looked out the window to see we had stopped. In one of my favorite spots. It was a little back road on the way to work, but it was farmland all around.

"How'd you know about this place?" I whisper, gazing out over the field.

I heard Simon lean over, like he was leaning on the console. I could feel his closeness, as much as I didn't want to.

"Tha t one night I worked with you, you took this way rather than the highway. And the look on your face when you see new developments, you look extremely pissed. You respect farmers. You love Texas. This is one of your favorite places in the world."

I turned away from the landscape to find my face inches from Simon's. Our breaths mingled for a second.

I leaned forward, and pressed my palm to his chest, gently pushing him back. "I cant," I whisper, choking the words out.

Simon pressed his lips into a thin line. "Yeah, I thought so," he rumbled. He forced his eyes brighter. "But no one said friends can't hug each other, right?"

I thought for a moment. "Maybe once can't hurt."

We stepped out to the front of his car, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, laying my head on his shoulder. His arms were firm and certain around my waist. It felt just as I had imagined it. Right.

But as much as it felt right.

It could never be.