#hanahaki jaemin

[midmourn]

play the part

PAIRING Lee Donghyuck/Haechan/GN!Reader/Na Jaemin

SUMMARY Haechan’s your boyfriend, but Jaemin’s your best friend. How could he ever compete?

GENRE Angst

CONTENTS Brief mentions of (almost) vomiting, I think the phrase is called emotional cheating, alcohol use, surprise sad ending

WORDS 1,428

LISTENING TO that way by tate mcrae, traitor by olivia rodrigo, high infidelity by taylor swift

NOTE im not writing a part two so please don’t ask, thank you <3 i found this in my google docs so i tweaked it just a tiny bit and i couldn’t find it on my old blog so idk if i ever posted it or not

When Mark finds Haechan, the younger boy is still nursing the drink that he had received from Jaehyun when they first stepped inside the party. “Woah,” he tries to joke, already knowing how his best friend was feeling, “Still drinking that drink? You’d usually be in your fifth one by now. Finally decided to take AA seriously?”

Haechan doesn’t laugh, and Mark’s smile fades, sighing as his shoulders slump. Mark downs the rest of his own drink before setting it aside, not wanting it anymore. Haechan doesn’t look up when Mark sits beside him on the railing of the balcony, “You know, it’s probably not safe for us to be this close to the edge while drinking,” Mark gestures to the ground beneath them.

“I feel like death would be better than life right now,” Haechan murmurs, and even those the words could be taken as a joke, both of them know it’s not. And Mark has a pretty good idea on why that is. Mark follows to where Haechan’s gaze is, finding a group of people sitting around the pool in Jaehyun’s backyard, but Haechan’s eyes were only on two people— a familiar head full of of black and a familiar face.

Jaemin’s arm was thrown around your shoulders, the back of his head facing Mark and Haechan but your face was clear for Haechan to see. The grin on your face was so bright that even Mark’s eyes hurt. He wasn’t close enough to be able to see, but if he was, he was sure that he would’ve been able to see the stars decorating your eyes. Mark remembers when you and Haechan first met, the younger would not shut up about you. Mark knows things about you that he shouldn’t, and that’s because of him.

“They’re just friends,” Mark says, swallowing the lump in his throat for he can’t swallow the empathy swelling up inside of him— knowing exactly how his best friend feels. “You’re their boyfriend.”

“I have the title,” Haechan sighs, tilting his head up to drag his eyes away from the two of you. His glistening eyes stare up at the dark sky, clouds decorating the sky and moving to cover the moon. “But he has their heart.”

“If they had feelings for him, they would break up with you, Hyuck,” Mark tries to reassure him, but even Mark doesn’t believe his own words. He wishes he could help more.

“Not if they knew I’d be heartbroken by it,” Haechan swallows the rest of his drink down, welcoming the burning taste. It couldn’t beat the burning in his heart, though.

“Either way, you’re heartbroken,” Mark argues, shaking his head as he turns to face Haechan. “But if you were over, at least you’d be free to move on.”

Haechan doesn’t respond for a moment, only rolling his shoulders as he looks back down at the group of people again. He licks his lips before saying, “I have the title. That’s enough, right?” When Mark doesn’t respond, he exhales through his nose sharply, “I’m their boyfriend. I love them. That should be enough.”

There’s a painful silence before Mark speaks with an underlying tone of hurt, “Sometimes, it isn’t enough.” He’s starting to wish he had another drink. “Hyuck, you’re going to have to do it if they won’t.”

“Guess I’ll just have to play the part, then,” Haechan says suddenly, pushing himself off the railing and onto the balcony floor.

“What part?” Mark asks, eyebrows furrowing as he turns to him.

“Acting like I’m really stupid,” Haechan smiles, but it’s an empty smile. Mark’s not familiar with it— and he hates it. “And that I have no idea that they’re falling in love with their best friend.”

“How was your day?” Haechan asks, his phone laying on his bed with the speaker on. He’s drying his hair with the t-shirt he had on before he took a shower, staring into his mirror in front of his bed. “Have fun?”

“All I did was sleep and play Among Us with Jisung so,” you giggle and his heart swells at the sound, a smile forming on his lips. “Yeah, I did have fun.”

“So you’ll play Among Us with Jisung but not me?” He snarks, throwing his shirt into his dirty clothes hamper but you know he’s joking— he’s always joking like that. “Maybe you should date him instead.”

You giggle again, “Jisung is too young—”

“It’s barely two years,” he sits down on his bed, grabbing his phone to go through his photo gallery, almost every single one being of you. “I’ll even tell him for you, that way if you get rejected—” A small smile is on his lips as he stares down at a picture of you and him, visiting your shared lock at the Love Lock of Namsan Tower.

“Hey!”

“— You don’t have to witness it and ugly cry.”

“In this hypothetical situation, even if he said he liked me back, you’d still tell me he rejected me, wouldn’t you?”

Haechan laughs from surprise, sometimes forgetting just how much you know him, “And you’re right, for once. I’d then tell him the text was for someone else to humble him.”

Your laughter is loud and unapologetic, just how he likes it. “Oh, you are so—” You cut yourself off and it’s silent from your side before you start giggling, “Stop it.” His eyebrows furrow, head tilting as he pauses in his scrolling. What had he done? “No! Don’t be like that and don’t you dare—” You start giggling loudly again, shrieking for whoever to stop what they were doing. If you weren’t laughing, he’d have been concerned.

Haechan says your name once but when it’s not heard over your laughter, he frowns and goes back to the call, seeing that he’s not on mute. He says your name again and when no reply, he goes to say your name once more but a familiar voice stops him. His body freezes as his blood goes cold, staring down at his floor when he recognizes the voice.

No one has a voice like Na Jaemin does. And even if there was, he’d recognize that voice anywhere.

It’s when even after you stop laughing, and you talk to Jaemin like Haechan still isn’t on the phone with you, is when his heart finally drops like an anchor to the bottom of his stomach. You forgot.

They forgot, they forgot, they forgot, his mind chants back at him.

Haechan doesn’t register when your voice first cuts off, only looking down when he realizes and seeing that the call ended. He doesn’t remember if he ended it or if you remembered and did it yourself. Either way, his heart still hurts. Tears stream down his face as sobs rip out of his chest, with loud, violent sounds. His chest hurts, too. His chest is tightening, and coughs start to cough, each cough getting more violent than the next. He doesn’t know if it’s because of the harsh crying or—

He turns to find a water bottle for him to drink but his vision is blurry from crying and the coughing won’t stop, no matter how much he tries to breathe and calm himself down. The crying doesn’t stop, either. He has a feeling he’s about to throw up and pushes himself off his bed, stumbling to his bathroom with his hands on the walls and door frame so he won’t fall.

It doesn’t work, and he falls on his knees anyway. In only a matter of a few minutes, he’s soaked to the bone and his shirt is wet— his previously dry hair is clinging to his forehead and neck. Bile— he thinks— crawls up his throat and he throws himself to where he knows the toilet is, clinging onto the bathroom sink as it comes up and into the toilet.

He doesn’t know how long it’s been when he finally comes around, dried tear streaks on his cheeks and his vision is no longer blurry. His breathing is still heavy, but it’s slow and ragged. He’s not coughing or crying anymore. He can’t help but look in the toilet, not even knowing if he really threw up or if it was just his imagination. His breath catches in his throat, the sight of a familiar singular flower floating in the otherwise empty toilet. A light pink Orchid, your favorite flowers. He knows because he gave them to you on your first date.

Haechan isn’t stupid— and the flower only confirms his thoughts.

[gimmehyuck]

lungs like a garden series

✿ series synopsis.

hanahaki.

the disease everyone has heard of.

the one that doctors only know how to treat by one surgery or one returned confession.

no other cure.

everyone has heard of it. but what’s less spoken of… is how it feels to simultaneously be both in love and in pain.

the question is in the end… will it always be worth it?

✿ genres. strangers to lovers // friends to lovers // enemies to lovers // friends to lovers

✿ warnings. angst // fluff // possible? smut? // mentions of dying/death // sickness // vomiting (of flowers) // tags will be more detailed for each story, these are the general ones for all // synopsis of each story may change/evolve as i continue to write them lol

✿ something to note: each story is connected but can be read alone!

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✿ to drown in you | n.jm (coming soon)

“i’m… i’m scared.”

“don’t worry, i’ve got you. nothing will happen if i’m here.”

✿ summary. jaemin didn’t think twice about diving in to the water to save you, you needed his help (but couldn’t ask).

he also didn’t think twice about the befriending you and helping you out of a tough situation, you wanted his help (but wouldn’t ask).

and he definitely didn’t think twice about falling in love with you, he didn’t need any help in doing so (but he should’ve asked, it would have made things easier).

✿ pairing. swimmer!jaemin x yn

✿ words. est 10k+

✿ genre. strangers to lovers… or is it?

✿ warnings. angst!!!, fluff!!!, mentions of dying/death, vomiting (of flowers), yn is in a toxic relationship at the beginning, eventual smut, more to come as i write

✿ patient progress: symptomatic

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

✿ denialism at its finest | l.jn

“i don’t think falling in love is all that bad.”

“i do, and i refuse to do it.”

✿ summary. there were a lot of things that jeno was sure of. for example, he was sure that his schools hockey team would win the championship (not just because he was the captain). he was sure that he had a job to go to once he graduated (that he’d absolutely hate because it had nothing to do with his major). lastly, he was absolutely sure that he’d never fall in love, and he definitely wasn’t in love with you…

(reality hit him at the same time the petals hit his palm.)

✿ pairing. hockey player!jeno x yn

✿ words. tbd

✿ genre. maybe friends to ???

✿ warnings. angst, fluff, jeno is generally in denial, mentions of dying/death, mentions of vomiting (of flowers), divorced parents?? if that needs to be warned, more to come as i write

✿ patient progress: symptomatic

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

✿ distance between us | l.ty

“what didn’t you realize until now?”

“how much it hurts to love you.”

✿ summary. taeyong was oblivious, he had to be (or so you thought). there was simply no way he had to know how you felt about him (could he..?). and for a long while, you were content feeling the butterflies in the pit of your stomach (the feeling made you giddy). but then the butterflies changed into petals… and the petals changed the meaning of it entirely (the feeling made you sick).

your innocent crush, what you thought were simple feelings… it had changed somehow.

(and it hurt.)

✿ pairing. brothers best friend?taeyong x yn

✿ words. tbd

✿ genre. friends to ???

✿ warnings. fluff?, angst!!, minor age gap (not by much), taeyong is a bit… what’s the word… he leads yn on kinda?, vomiting (of flowers), mentions of blood (it’s roses what do you expect), more to come as i write

✿ patient progress: symptomatic

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✿ biology of love | q.kn

“why do you push people away like that? it’s cruel.”

“what’s truly cruel is when they leave.”

✿ summary. kun knew how to be friendly, he swore he did (you can ask anyone). he was friendly to everyone who worked on his floor, (maybe a little distant but never unkind). he was well liked but his friend circle was limited, (he didn’t mind that). until you came along, someone who seemed to hate his very existence; you were the new doctor on the floor, he had been a nurse working there for two years (seniority counts somehow, right?).

he truly didn’t care if you had friends or not, or if you were just always miserable, he couldn’t care less… (but then why did seeing you slowly getting sick bother him?)

✿ pairing. nurse!kun x doctor!yn

✿ words. tbd

✿ genre. enemies to lovers… possibly?

✿ warnings. angst, fluff, age gap (a bit more than a couple years), mentions of death/dying, mentions of vomiting (of flowers), discussions of what comes next and the existential crisis that follows, yn is Cold because Sad (that she says is ambition)™, possible? smut?, more to come as i write

✿ patient progress: symptomatic

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✿ falling for the sun (you) | l.dh

“why are you acting this way?”

“i’ve realized i’m like icarus. i’ve loved the sun’s warmth so much, but now it’s only killing me.”

✿ summary. you can pinpoint the moment you wanted to study psychology as a career to the moment you walked into your high school class (thanks to your best friend that agreed to go to the same university as you). you can pinpoint the moment your life’s trajectory changed to the exact moment you met lee donghyuck, (you blamed it entirely on mark). you can even pinpoint where your major mistake in all this started (it was the moment you moved in).

what you couldn’t pinpoint, no matter how hard you tried, was the moment you officially fell in love with him (you only really found out after the first yellow petal appeared… and then you knew you were fucked).

✿ pairing. roommate!donghyuck x yn

✿ words. tbd

✿ genre. best friend/roommates to ???

✿ warnings. angst!!!, fluff!!!, hyuck and yn argue a bit, hyuck is kind of a player??, mentions of death/dying, mentions of vomiting (of flowers), mentions of blood and choking (sunflowers are huge okay), eventual smut, more to come as i write

✿ patient progress: symptomatic

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tag list: @byungbyungbaek @ficrecnctskz @shwizhies

[acescavern]

END TO START - LEE TAEYONG X READER

Navi - M.list

Pairing: Soulmate!Johnny x Soulmate! reader, Taeyong x reader. ( Ft Mark, Jungwoo, Ten, Jaehyun, Taeil, Yuta. Mentions Jaemin once.)

Genre: Heavy angst my guys, soulmates au, neo frat au, university au, fluff, Hanahaki Soulmate trope.

Synopsis: Taeyong had been perfectly happy to sit back and watch you and Johnny be together. However, when he starts to notice certain behaviors that are all too familiar, he finds himself unable to watch you slowly die. Just because Johnny may not love you anymore... doesn't mean Taeyong doesn't love you either.

wc: 4.9k

Warnings: Heavy angst, Blood, Mentions of death, suffering, choking, johnny is unfaithful, it's a Hanahaki au so they basically cough up dead and thorned flowers. It's not a graphic description but there are descriptions of pain too, mentions of weight loss due to being unwell, Unrequited love, hurt, Taeyong's been in love with the reader since before her and Johnny got together, heavy rejection, soulmate rejection ( Just because i have written this does NOT mean that i think any one of the nct members would cheat or act thi way. this is pure FICTION.) Please let me know if i have missed any warnings

Note: Hi! I have a few fics in the works but I'm worried I wont get them done for Halloween. So, I am blessing you with this heart-breaking fic. I wanted to release this fic early as a thank you for all your love on Operation Rizz! Now, this is the same frat universe as all my other NCT fics. they can all be read as stand alone though, so don't worry! Any feedback is once again appreciated. I do not own the concept of Hanahaki.

Likes and reblogs are appreciated

Soulmates were supposed to be someone's everything—the one person who was meant specifically for them. Someone you can lean on and cherish, who would dote and adore you. Someone to dish out as much love to you as you unto them. To stay by your side and grow old together. However, some people are already at that stage when they meet their destined person. There was also the worry of some people not having a soulmate. Legend says that only the blessed are gifted with such. 

Gifted? Yes. To many, the Soulmate system is a curse - depending on what type you are assigned to. Tattoos? Easy. Mind reading? Okay a little more difficult. Red string? That practically takes you straight to them.  Eternal life? Near impossible! You could spend many years with someone you thought was a soulmate only to see a wrinkle and realize you aren’t made for each other at all. Seeing things in black and white only to suddenly be overwhelmed with color at a music festival and not know who the hell you’d bumped into in that massive crowd that could possibly be your soulmate. Not everyone even had a soulmate, they could be with whoever they wanted without consequences. 

But there was one type in particular that nobody wanted. Hanahaki. Named after the fictional Japanese Hanahaki Disease. It comes from the Japanese words Hana - meaning flower and Hakimasu - quite literally meaning, to throw up. 

In a soulmate's case, when they first meet each other a seed is awakened. It grows thorned roses - the flowers of love - cradling the person’s heart and twining around inside their lungs. For the most part, other than the occasional flutter and heartburn, it goes unnoticeable. So long as the soulmate reciprocates the feelings of love. But, should one soulmate start to fall out of love? The other will suffer terribly. The flowers will die, the spikey stems squeezing at the organs they were once gently caressing with love. Crushing in their anguish.

Of course, unlike the other soulmate types, there are two ways out of Hanahaki... Let the weight of the unreciprocated love drag on painfully until you die, or convince your health insurance to accept the cost of the operation to remove the offending plants. However, by the time one realizes they are soulmates, it is likely that the bond has already been unreciprocated. 

Taeyong knew this. He knew this because it happened to him. He had once been on the receiving end of the agonizing scratch of dead rose stems climbing up his throat in a mess of blood and wilted petals. Taeyong had nearly died. He recognized the signs clearly and that was the reason he was so shocked to see them in who he did. 

Johnny’s soulmate.

Taeyong first took notice when you walked through the door of the club. A celebration night to celebrate the frat’s anniversary alongside Taeyong’s new choreographer position in the dance studio he works in. Your face had a slightly paler tone and although you were doing a good job at keeping your breathing even… Taeyong recognized the telltale signs of a wince when you took the air in too harshly. 

But when he saw Johnny approach you and press a loving kiss to your forehead, he scolded himself for thinking such things. Taeyong knew something was up though, your smile didn’t meet your eyes and when you congratulated him with a hug, he swore he could feel your body tremble. 

He tried not to worry too much throughout the night but when he saw Johnny by the bar, his charming smile dazzled at some sorority girls that had been invited… Taeyong wondered where you’d gone. The disappointment within him only grew when he watched his best friend and frat brother go home with one of them. 

So, maybe his suspicions were correct. A few weeks passed and he’d not seen a glimpse of you, Johnny hadn’t even uttered your name. The rapper hadn’t had time to sit him down and ask him about the incident. Until now. 

Taeyong dabbed the sweat from his brow with the neckline of his shirt, swiping his water bottle from the floor. He shuffled toward his friend, watching as he grinned at his phone as he typed. He was talking to someone and Taeyong only hoped it was you. That you’d both mended things to stop it getting worse. The thought of it all being a misunderstanding had a relieved smile spreading across his face as he settled on the floor next to Johnny. 

“You texting ____? Tell her I said Hey.” Taeyong said, twisting the cap off his drink to take a swig. Taeyong was almost taken aback at the irritated flash that crossed Johnny’s expression at the mention of your name. 

If Taeyong wasn’t so observant, he would have missed it. Johnny shook his head, swiftly locking his phone when his leader went to peer over his shoulder. “It’s not. It’s Yuki.” 

Taeyong’s eyebrows scrunched, posture freezing for a moment. “The sorority girl you went home with?” He tried to keep his tone level. Memories of the same thing happening to himself reoccur in his mind. “What about ____?” The question hung awkwardly in the air, Johnny staring at Taeyong as if he’d asked something ridiculous. 

“What about her?” He shrugged. “Just because I do stupid things, doesn't mean I don’t love her. She’s my soulmate.” He paused, an almost defeated sigh sagging at his shoulders. “The only one I got.” 

Taeyong took notice of the slight bitterness in his words. Almost as if he didn’t realize that he did it. “Do you?” 

Johnny rubbed at the back of his neck, his mouth opening but no words coming out. Once again, a defeated shrug of his shoulders. “Yeah… yes.” He cleared his throat as his voice broke. “I’m sure we’d of noticed by now if I hadn’t.”  Johnny left no room for debate, standing up with a clap of his hands to suggest they continue their lacrosse practice.

You knew. You knew Johnny’s feelings for you were dwindling. You were reminded every time you coughed. Reminded by the way your breath left you in an agonizing squeeze when Johnny would kiss your forehead.  

But, even though you knew… it didn’t make you love him any less. You knew what he got up to when your nights weren't spent together. You didn’t do a thing, didn’t bring it up. You almost tried to ignore it. You loved Johnny. You always would. And, as long as you continued to love him, he wouldn’t have the same fate as you. You would never wish this pain on him even if he was the cause. 

You wished you’d heeded Mark’s seemingly lighthearted warning at the beginning of your relationship. ‘He’s one of my closest friends but he doesn’t always do the right thing, just… please be careful.’ Mark had said one evening. You hadn’t truly understood why he had said it, nor did you get to question him before Johnny had slid his arm around your middle. 

You understood perfectly now. Especially as a sharp tickle wheezed in the back of your throat, your eyes discreetly scanning the new text message from your seat at the very back row of English lit class. ‘Can we rain check date night again? Coach is being a hardass and wants us to stay late.’ For the third week running, the same excuse. Sure, you’d seen Johnny. But Thursday was always date night. Something you’d both stuck to like glue once before. 

Pain twisted in your chest, your breath rough. You brought the sleeve of your hoodie to your mouth, attempting a discreet cough. It didn’t do anything for you, the feeling like you’d swallowed razorblades. The world felt like it was spinning for a moment and you had to close your eyes and count to ten to steady it again. 

One look at your sleeve had you frowning. The next stage had started. You’d read about this. Discoloured petals. You’d only coughed up one but one was enough for you to be sure. With one last attempt at clearing your throat, you brushed the blackened petal to the ground. 

Taeyong shared this class with you. Whilst he didn’t often sit next to you, he was mostly always on the same row. Not many people occupied the back row and so, when he heard the muffled hack come from your direction he had looked over, shoulders tensing as he watched you. 

He approached you at the end of class, watching your sluggish movements as you shoved your laptop back into your bag. “____, Are you alright?” He asked softly, noting the sheen of sickly sweat coasting your forehead. 

Lips pressed firmly together, you nodded. You were certain if you opened your mouth you'd start coughing and choking again but you didn’t want to be rude. “I’m fine.” Bad idea. “Sorry, Yong, I gotta go-” Taeyong had never heard your voice so scratchy and coarse. He had also never seen you flee so quickly before he could even open his mouth, your notepad falling from your unzipped bag as you vanished before his eyes. 

As he knelt down to collect it from the ground, his fingers made contact with a velvety, withered texture. 

A blackened rose petal. 

 The next time Taeyong saw you, you were much worse than he could have imagined. He had only turned up at your apartment because he assumed Johnny had left his phone at your place. He couldn’t really understand the rushed words of ‘Shit! I left my phone at her place, I’m already late!’ When Taeyong offered to go and get it, he naturally thought of your place. 

So when you answered the door, he was standing frozen at the sight of you. Your eyes had bags under them that would put JFK airport to shame. Your complexion was grey, lips cracked and dry. Taeyong could definitely see you’d lost some weight too, your knitted sweater nearly slipping off one shoulder. His gaze caught onto the marks along your neck, long red streaks almost looking like you had been clawing at it in your agony. Your winced call of his name kicked his brain into gear. 

“Now isn’t a good ti-” His hands flew out to rub and pat your back as your words were interrupted. 

Taeyong’s heart broke as he watched you struggle. You couldn’t get your breath, your face turning red from the strenuosity. Taeyong backed you into your apartment, kicking the door closed behind him. He sat you on your couch, disappearing from view for a moment.

You didn’t even take note of what exactly was being thrust under your nose, only that it would catch what your body rejected. One of his hands held the bucket, the other sweeping your hair away from your face. It was all too familiar for him. Except for Taeyong, he had done it alone. 

“It’s okay, ____” He hushed, palm flattened over your back to rub comforting circles. “Breath through your nose and count to ten. It helps.” 

You did as such, shoulders relaxing as the air finally seeped into your lungs. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, sighing at the crimson residue that was becoming all too familiar. You opened your mouth to speak, only to be gently hushed once more. 

“It’s okay, it’ll hurt too much if you talk.” He set the bucket down on the side table. “You should get yourself some grapeseed oil. A teaspoon a day should at least prevent the attacks so often.” Taeyong didn’t look at you as he spoke, his hands busying themselves with opening the small drawer to your coffee table in search of tissues. 

“You mean this?” You rasped, pulling the small droplet bottle from your pocket, and setting it down on the surface before you. Taeyong’s eyebrows creased. 

It was the exact same bottle he was sure he had. Though, catching sight of the label on the bottle he knew it was his bottle. ‘Taeyong’  scribbled messily on the labeled sticker. He looked at you expectantly. 

“Johnny gave it to me.” Just uttering his name sent a pang of hurt through you, a wave of emotion rippling from your jaw to the tips of your toes. 

Taeyong understood immediately, a deep sigh resonating as he nodded once. “He knows then.” To which you nodded, eyes fixed on your lap. 

He had never seen you cry, and he would hate to admit it but your eyes looked pretty when you did. It was as if the glaze of tears enhanced the colors of your iris. “He doesn’t know it’s this bad. He thinks the tickle has just started.” 

“____, you’re dying and you’re telling me Johnny hasn’t noticed yet?” To say that Taeyong was in disbelief was an understatement. The new knowledge that Johnny knew now had floored him. 

Why? Because Johnny hadn’t once let it show. Taeyong had been around the guy all week and he was still the happy comedic genius he always was. Not a hint of anything bothering him. 

“Yong, It’s okay. I..” You drew your knees up to your chest, patting the spot next to you for him. “I’ve come to terms with it.” 

“Come to terms with it?!” He spluttered. “____, you are in your twenties! You can’t be okay with dying in your twenties.” His hand raked through his hair, eyes blinking rapidly like he couldn't come to terms with how calm you looked right now. 

Taeyong could feel the anger bubbling up in his chest, his gaze hardening as he addressed you once more. “You know he’s been seeing her too, don’t you?”

You were silent, shame eating at your subconscious. “If I ignore it then he won’t have to be like this too.” 

Taeyong sprung up to his feet. “Wake up! He’s out there living his life with no regrets and you’re the one to suffer? I can’t…” He shook his head, shoving his clenched fists into his pockets. “I’m sorry, I just-” With one last shake of his head, Taeyong left you there. The slam of your front door announcing his absence.

Johnny remembered the conversation between the two of you very clearly. He was convinced he still loved you a lot. Just not in the way you need. At first, he thought it was doubt, but as time went on he started to notice the dry tickly cough and the abundance of petals scattered in your trash. He was sure it wasn’t harmful yet, certain that he still held the love in his heart for you. 

Johnny didn’t love Yuki. She was fun. She was different. She wasn’t you. He could spend time with her without any strings attached. It was freeing, knowing he wasn't destined to be with her no matter what. 

He felt guilt at first. He didn’t like lying to you, but it was for his own selfish gain that he did. Johnny had seen Taeyong go through the pain and near death of a soulmate falling out of love, he didn’t want that for himself. Johnny had too much to live for, as arrogant and self-centred as that sounded. 

 He remembered what you said when he gave you the vial of grapeseed oil, how your shaky hands had placed over his own. How you told him it was okay, it wasn’t his fault. But Johnny couldn’t help but think it was. Johnny tried so hard to make himself love you still. Your words of comfort swirled in his mind and kept him up at night. ‘Nobody can help who they do and don’t love. Feelings change, People don’t’ You’d said to him.

Johnny felt ashamed. Being unfaithful to you whilst you still loved him with every ounce of your soul. Deep down, Johnny knew you only had two options he just hoped you made a decision before it was too late. 

Taeyong had been seen by barely anyone all week. It was as if he was attending his classes and then picking up every extra shift or odd job imaginable. The Neos were even more shocked when Mark slapped a flier down on the dining table ping pong table in front of some of the brothers. A for sale flier, advertising their frat leader’s motorcycle. The very same one that he cherished and spent a fortune to modify. 

“Do you think he’s in debt?” Jungwoo frowned, setting his beer on the table. 

That question alone earned a chortled laugh. “Woo, we’re in university. We’re all in debt.” Yuta clapped him on the back. “But, on a serious note, He’s been acting super weird lately.” 

Everyone launched into debate, trying to determine why Taeyong would be selling his pride and joy so suddenly. Conversation ceased when the front door opened and the man in question shuffled into the open-plan living space with an exhausted wave. 

“Ty, are you actually selling the bandit?” The question came from Taeil, Neo frat’s oldest member. 

Taeyong moved through the living area, taking a seat at one of the beanbags littered around the table. “Already sold it.” He bobbed his head in a nod. 

It earned him many concerned looks. “Are you in trouble or something? Are you trying to cover the water bill from when Mark broke the faucet?” 

“No, Jae. I’m not in trouble. It’s not for me.”  He reassured, his voice dying down quietly. “It’s for ____.” 

Everyone stopped. Mark locked his phone, Yuta stopped chipping at his nail polish, and Taeil nearly spat out his beer. Jaehyun and Jungwoo were already staring at him. 

“Why?”

Taeyong took a deep breath, anticipating the question.It didn’t take long for him to catch them up to speed.  “You haven’t noticed? I can’t watch her die. Even if she’s come to terms with it.” 

“She’s not been to class for a few weeks. Professor Choi just straight-up skips over her name now. I’m guessing they know.” Jaehyun hummed. 

“Hm, Jaemin said he saw her last week on his midnight ramen run.” Mark recalled, “Said she looked like something out of living dead.” 

“Mark,” Taeyong gave him a warning look. The younger just shrugged his shoulders. “I’m going to book the operation for her. She doesn’t know. I just need the deposit. After that, it’s monthly payments. I can scrape enough together for the monthly just fine.” He looked pained. “Whenever I see her, it’s like I’m watching myself go through it again.” 

One by one, Jaehyun, Mark, Jungwoo, Yuta, and Taeil offered their help. 

The six of them didn’t make it known what their plans were but soon enough, after Taeyong had put what he had already saved with what the others offered, it was enough. He rocked up to the private medical center, cash in an envelope that was tucked neatly within the inside pocket of his jacket. 

Taeyong was pleasantly surprised that he was allowed to schedule and pay the deposit on your behalf. Acting on best interest. The receptionist did stress that you needed to fill in the form and sign consent upon arrival but Taeyong was more pleased that he was giving you a chance at life. That there was a possibility that you could carry on.

What he didn’t expect, was your immediate refusal when he brought the leaflet and forms over to your apartment the following morning. The smile dropped from his face as you tried to hide away from him.  ‘He could die.’ You’d cried at him. And whilst it had been proven he wouldn't, you were convinced. 

“He won’t, ____.” Taeyong begged. “Please, you can’t just accept this.” The bed dipped as he sat on the edge. The many times he had visited you now, you had always been. The last time you got up to open the door, Taeyong honestly worried that you would pass away right there on the doorstep. He took your spare key after that. 

Taeyong’s gentle fingers lifted the damp wash cloth from the bowl at your bedside, running the cool material over your brow and cheeks. A light smile twitched at the corner of your lips, the sensation easing your fever, only a little but it was better than before. He knew he wasn’t going to get many more words from you this evening. You’d exhausted yourself already for the evening. Taeyong was just content enough to sit here and care for you. 

Honestly, before it was known that you were Johnny’s soulmate, Taeyong had hoped you’d notice him. He had often found himself wishing that it wouldn’t last so he could at least have a shot with you. His hopes were crushed when Johnny had run through the fraternity declaring you were both soulmates. Taeyong had made peace with the idea that maybe he was meant to be alone, satisfied just by seeing you whenever Johnny brought you over to hang out. 

He never wished for this, though. 

Tenderest of touches brushed your hair away from where it had clung to your forehead. Taeyong clicking on the standing fan in an attempt to offer you some cool relief. “Trust me, ____.” He whispered, voice brittle. “I went through this.” His confession had your right eye cracking open. 

“Back in the first year,” Taeyong recalled. “Watching you and Johnny go through this… it’s like a mirror. I nearly died,” He picked up your hand, engulfing it in both of his own. “I refused the operation until it was nearly too late. For the same reason, actually.” 

Your fingers twitched in his own, your index finger hooking around his thumb to offer comfort. You have suspected Taeyong had some close experience with this. Especially in the way he always seemed to understand your pain, the sad gazes, and his drive to help you. You had never expected that he would be the one in your position though. The meer thought had tears welling up in your eyes. You seemed to cry a lot around the man these days. 

“He didn’t die though. Apparently, he just… coughed up the root.” He lifted your hand, the ghosting feeling of his lips against your knuckles. “I promise you, Johnny won’t die… At least think about it.” To which you nodded in agreement. 

Taeyong made you soup, your favorite kind. You weren’t even sure how he knew it was your favorite but he did. He parted from you with a lingering kiss to your hairline. Just like every night. This form of unrequited love seemed to of hurt him more than his last. 

He’d left the forms and leaflets on the empty bed space by your feet.

You’d asked Taeyong not to come over for the last four days. As worried as he was, he had to respect your wishes. You didn’t want him to see your sudden decline as you entered the last stage of the rejection. Meaning, that Johnny had almost fallen completely out of love with you now. 

You were expecting it, Taeyong too. You and Johnny had broken things off the last time you saw each other. Both of you doing so without even having to clarify the matter. He was free. Almost. 

Taeyong had been stressed all week, even his frat brothers had given him a wide berth. Many put it down to the lacrosse game the pending evening. Only a select few really knew that it was because today was the same day Taeyong had scheduled for your surgery. 

He hadn’t known it was the same day as the game, Jungwoo uttering the words with caution the day before. Taeyong swore to himself that he thought he booked it for next week. He didn’t even know if you were going to accept it… Any time he brought it up you tended to change the subject. 

How Taeyong managed to even pass the ball with steady swings amazed even himself, his hands hadn’t stopped shaking. He had nearly skipped the game in favor of being with you, but he knew he couldn’t.  The game had gone smoothly, they were winning by one. In fact, Johnny had to take the penalty shot. 

The whole field waited on bated breath, all eyes on Johnny as he just stood there, his expression morphed in such a way that Taeyong exchanged a look with Jaehyun.

“Seo! Take the damn shot already!” The coach didn’t even get through his ending word before Johnny’s form curled over, knees slamming into the ground. 

Taeyong rushed over as his friend tore off his helmet and spat his mouthguard to the ground. He would worry about that later. Taeyong slid to his knees beside Johnny, his own helmet crashing to the ground out of his grip. 

Johnny had never felt such pain. His airways were burning. The sensation in his chest felt like all the oxygen was being torn from him. The team crowded around him, blocking anyone else's view of the scene.  A choked cough left his throat, a shout of agony following after. Petals. Blood. Stems.  The flower was unwinding itself, pulling at the roots from within his chest and lungs. 

The team managed to maneuver Johnny back to the locker rooms, it took four of them to carry him but soon the male was slumped against the tiles of the showers. Taeyong was beside him once again. “Cough it up Johnny, you’ll do more damage if you don’t.” He tugged Johnny’s arm to sit him forward, his fist thumping down in the center of his back. “Johnny, come on!” 

To say Taeyong was relieved when Johnny finally started coughing again was an understatement. “You gotta carry it on, it’ll hurt but I’ve got you.” He pleaded over the sound of his friend’s cries and chokes. 

Johnny doesn’t know how long he continuously coughed for. All he knew was the last one to shake through his body finally offered him release, Taeyong tugging him away from the mangled mix of plant and blood only to rip him, Johnny, from his shock-induced state by shoving him under the freezing cold shower stream - kit and all. 

A big, clear breath left him. 

“What the fuck, John?” Ten peaked his head around the corner, having raced in after the team to check on his best friend. 

“Dude, that's your flower.” Mark grimaced, crouched down next to the offending object. 

The announcement made Johnny’s spine straighten, and Taeyong hung his head. “What does it mean?” Johnny shakily stood, pressing the button to stop the stream of cold water. 

It was fascinating how Johnny already felt better. He felt no pull in his chest, no weakness even after the whole ordeal. He felt new. But if he felt like this… then what had happened to you? The realization of what had happened weighed heavy on his guilt. 

He turned to address the sort of traumatized, faces around him but it wasn’t him that spoke up. It was Taeyong. “It means I need to find ____.” 

Taeyong had raced past his teammates and into the locker room without any further explanation. His phone cramped between his ear and shoulder as he tugged on his sweats at record speed. “C’mon, Petal. Pick up.” He swore to himself, only removing the device from his ear to throw on a t-shirt from his locker. It was a term of endearment he had taken to calling you of late, though quite often when you were too dazed to notice. 

He ignored the looks of confusion from his friends. Well, from those other than Mark and Jaehyun. From the look on Johnny’s face, he was still piecing things together. Taeyong didn’t have time for that, snatching the keys for the beat-up Honda he had gotten recently and sprinting from the room. 

Taeyong continued to call you on the way to your apartment. He had just hoped you’d gotten yourself to the appointment. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of losing you like this. He found himself afraid to enter your building, scared of what he may find. His head thumped against the steering wheel, eyes burning with unshed tears. You had to be okay. 

His phone buzzed, body jumped when he saw your name flash on the screen. He swiped to answer, bringing it up to his ear with a relieved sigh. “____.” He listened to your breathing for a split second, registering the steady beeps in the background. 

“Is he alive?” Your tone was filled with urgency but your voice was clearer than Taeyong had heard in weeks. It had a relieved laugh bubbling from his chest, salty droplets cascading down his cheeks and leaving his tear ducts with the tension in him. 

“He’s fine.” He sniffled, rubbing at his face. “ Petal, you’re okay. I tho-” You interrupted him with a soothing call of his name. 

“You were right.” He listened to you pause, the sounds of you sipping through a straw present in the receiver. “There are things I do have to live for.” You spoke quietly. “The first one being myself.” 

He hummed in agreement, starting up the car again. “Yeah? I’ll be there soon and you can tell me all about the second, Petal.” He was rewarded with a breathy laugh. “What?”

“Petal.” You murmured, Taeyong could hear the slumber lingering back into your tone. 

“Get some rest. I’ll be there soon.” He was about to pull the phone away from his ear when you quietly called his name again. 

“Yes?” He hummed, clicking the hands-free and setting the phone into the holder on the dash. 

“Can I tell you my second reason?” 

“What’s that, Petal?” He smiled softly to himself. 

“It’s you.”

©Acescavern - I do not give permission for my works to be copied, translated or reposted

[hydroyaksha]

Soleil’s fic recs

EXO:

Yixing- king! “The Lotus king and his jade” @sweetjekyll

Kyungsoo- hogwarts! “Spellbound” @whimsical-ness

Sehun- X-EXO! “GREED” @/quokkacore

Sehun -(X-EXO) “LIBERALITY” @quokkacore

Baekhyun - idols! “The rumors were true” @eomayas

Kyungsoo - yandere! “I love you, I love you, I love you.” (Made by me!)

STRAYKIDS - [separate link]

Chan/ Felix - polyamory! Hogwarts! “Detention” @dreamescapeswriting

Felix - demon slayer! “If you tell me about myself” @skazoo

Felix - enemies to lovers! “Strawberry kisses” @softsan

Felix - dick joke centered! CEO! “Penis heart” @staysuki

Felix - Agent! Scientist! “A normal Thursday” @abiaswreck

Hyunjin - mafia! “Ice” @healinghyunjin

Hyunjin - mafia! “Not a stranger” @straywrds

OT8 - ABO! “No control” @cherryeol04

Hyunjin - Hanahaki! (With a good ending) “forget me not” @hhjs

Bangchan - Indian performer! Idol! “Butterfly wings” @straykidshoe

Lee know - siren! “Call of the siren” @tasteleeknow

Lee know - hogwarts! “Green flames” @streetlight11

Jeongin - android! “Alive” @rainy-bangbeom

Felix - royalty! Best friends! “Fairy flowers” @hyunsvngs

Felix - bodyguard! “Your bodyguard, Felix” @skzdarlings

Jisung - ghostface! “It’s a scream baby!” @tyunphoria

Felix - dating show! “TOO HOT TO HANDLE” @seospicybin

Felix - prince! “Forgive me for what I haven’t done” @rachalixie

NCT:

OT23 - yandere! Cult! “Connect” @mymoodwriting

WAYV:

OT7 - yandere! “Awaken” @/mymoodwriting

TEN - vampire!Hunter! “Blood wars” @things-we-cant-say

LUCAS - hybrid! “Please don’t bite me” @/quokkacore

NCT127:

NCT127 - yandere! Aliens! “Who is sticker?” @/mymoodwriting

Taeyong/ Yuta - Angels! Devils! Yandere! “Watching over you” @whiteteadreams

Jaehyun - Dog hybrid! “Competitive spirit” @flowerboykun

OT9 - vampires! Witches! “Black magic” @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l

Jaehyun - hogwarts! “Head over brooms” @sehunniepotwrites

NCT DREAM:

Mark - supernatural! “grit your f*ckin’ teeth” @irtza

Haechan - yandere! “Inseparable” @mint-yoongi

Jaemin - athlete! “on the rebound” @lunena

Jaemin - “Crazy in love” @mayaflowerxs

Renjun - classmates! “Blondes are done with fun” @rrxnjun

00’ line + Mark - arcana! “Arcane” @neonacity

Haechan - hockey player! “Ice ice baby” @cozyjae

Haechan - uni! “Learning languages” @tonicandjins

NCT TOKYO:

Sungchan - superhero! “Through the webs” @yutafrita

ENHYPHEN:

ENHYPHEN - scenario! “How they’re protective over you” @foresdxw

NI-KI - scenario! Idols! “Cookies - shattered glass” @ilovehimyourhonor

JAY - bad boy! Good girl! Dancer! “Opposites attract” @dazed-hee

NI-KI spiderman! “Spider-Man loves you” @misoxhappy

TXT:

Beomgyu- hybrid! “Until it hurts a little less” @horanghoe

Beomgyu - fae! “Dasies” @thru-the-grapevine

Soobin - AI! “Artificial love” @bb-eilish

Beomgyu- Spider-Man! “Not your average boyfriend” @slytherinshua

Yeonjun- fox hybrid! “Silly fox baby” @seowhorebin

BTS:

Taehyung - Android! “A human touch” @snackhobi

SHINee:

KEY - A/B/O! “Out of love” @mymoodwriting

THE BOYZ

OT11 - android! “The boyz become human” @tbznewberry

[starjeno]

bloom | n.jm | 1

genre: angst, fluff? | hanahaki!au pairing: student!jaemin x female!reader warnings: vomiting/choking, blood, lots of flashbacks summary: jaemin suffers from a special kind of unrequited love — one that makes him choke out flowers. a/n: my first fic! and it’s sad! i have never read the manga where hanahaki originated from, all the information i got was from google. all the flashbacks are in italics :o enjoy!

for the last five years, jaemin’s gone through hell.

it’s not hell in the typical sense — there are no demons that follow him and he isn’t caught up in some horrifying gore-filled scenario. nothing like that. jaemin considers his condition infinitely worse.

as children, he never batted an eye at you. though your families were close, you two never really clicked as your parents thought you would. trips together were dull and classes were even duller. to jaemin, you were just another blade of grass in a field. you didn’t really mind.

“jaem!” you call out, and he whips his head over to meet your eyes. he’s been waiting at this park bench for what seemed to be ages. your lips curve upward at his blank expression, “sorry! did you wait long?”

35 minutes.

“i just got here, no worries,” he smiles. he pauses suddenly as he feels his chest swell with a sharp pain, right above his heart, “i need to use the restroom. one moment.”

jaemin rushes off towards the nearest building, gripping his torso firmly. he feels an upward flow and makes it to an empty stall just in time to heave. light pink apple blossoms trickle out of his system. they bob on top of the water gently, and jaemin notes the darker tinge at the base of the petals.

“shit.” it’s the only thing he can say right now. his hands run messily through his bangs while he thinks about his second year of high school, the athletic festival, right before the 100 meter sprint. jaemin thinks of it as the first time he threw up petals.

“i’m going to win that race.”

jaemin freezes. he happened to walk past the water fountains when your harsh whispers filled the quiet air. he hears another giggle from one of your friends.

“what if he was lying?”

“lying?!” you exclaim, and jaemin has to stifle a laugh at your incredulous tone while you continued, “he declared in class that he would go on a date with whichever girl won the 100 meters.”

“it was just to get his fan club’s hopes up.” jaemin nods at your friend’s sentiments, but you aren’t deterred.

“well, as part of his fan club, my hopes are up!”

jaemin continues walking after that. he doesn’t really care.

jaemin smiles a bit at the memory, but then remembers you’re still waiting for him. he flushes the petals down and laughs bitterly as he washes his face. for the rest of the world, apple blossoms represent good health and eternal love. for jaemin, they’re the opposite.

he’s happy for now, though. watching you run up to him and ask if he’s okay makes his heart swell with love. you grab jaemin’s hand and lead the way down various streets. a smile spreads on his face without him realizing when he recognizes the route to the animal shelter — you had remembered when he talked about wanting a dog since forever. when you arrive in front of the building, you turn and smile, “surprise! i know you want a dog really badly so maybe you can spread that love to some of the pups in here!”

jaemin wraps you in a warm hug, feeling his chest heat up. he bit his lip, not knowing whether it’s because you care about him so much or the petals beginning to form in his throat again.

jaemin trudges over to the track, where you stood stretching. a hand strikes him on his shoulder, and he twists his head to see jeno grinning happily. jaemin’s best friend for the last six years had dragged him here to watch the girls in their grade “for educational purposes”. jaemin agreed.

“isn’t that ____? she’s cute,” jeno remarks, nudging jaemin. he was already watching you bend side to side, loosening your arms. jaemin nods absentmindedly, thinking back to your resolution to win.

“you know, mark said that he would date whoever won this race?” jaemin motions to the track below and jeno snorts, “he’s such a dick! he thrives off these girls flailing over him.”

jaemin hums in agreement. by now, everyone had lined up at the starting line. he watches you now, eyes curious with how fast you’ll run. at the pop of the toy gun, cheering ensues from the bleachers. jeno laughs with glee, but jaemin stays silent. the amount of effort you sprinted with made his cheeks flush with anticipation. he doesn’t understand why you would put so much effort in for someone you had a silly crush on.

would you ever do this for him?

jaemin’s face turned a dark shade of red as you zoomed past the finish line, collapsing onto your knees. jeno shrieks with joy at your victory before glancing over at jaemin, who’s heaving and furrowing his eyebrows.

“jaemin?” he asks cautiously, and jaemin turns to jeno with fear creeping up the protruding veins of his neck. he opens his mouth to respond, but instead of words, a petal falls out. jeno’s mouth drops open, “you ate a fucking flower? when?”

jaemin wipes his lips with wide eyes and looks at the moist baby pink crescent in his lap. an apple blossom, like the trees that grew around his home.

jaemin rubs the puppy’s ears fondly, watching its fur fall back into place. the room is filled with barks and laughter and jaemin believes he could not feel any more bliss than this. his smile slowly fades when he knows you and him could not be like this forever.

“jaemin!” you laugh, holding up the paw of a small bichon frise, “we should totally get a puppy! we could take turns caring for it or — oh! maybe we can even move in together!”

jaemin’s face whips up in shock, his bangs landing messily, “what?”

“oh! it was just a thought, you know?” you bite your lip, realizing how crazy that must’ve sounded, “since we study at neighboring colleges and you have a part-time job …”

jaemin looks away, blushing and smiling. he loves you, especially when you plan out a future with him in it. his chest pierces with a flash of pain and he groans, eyebrows curling in alarm.

you glance over, freezing up when he clutches the curve of his neck, “jaem? what’s wrong?”

he gives a weak smile, “i think i ate something bad.”

before you could reach out to him, jaemin flees and runs over to the bathroom. he curls over a toilet again, hurling petal after petal. the water was covered by a pink layer now, and jaemin’s alarmed. it’s more than last time and though he was told the quantity would increase, he never knew the color would deepen and the taste would be more metallic. it was almost like —

“ — blood?”

“hanahaki disease.”

“what?” jaemin says in confusion. jeno repeats again, this time with emphasis, “ha-na-ha-ki. i did some research.”

“research?” jeno nods, “you’ve been spitting petals out all week! it’s like every time we eat lunch, you spit out a flower!”

jaemin grumbles, “it’s only 1 or 2 petals.”

“it’s only not normal,” jeno retorts. he turns over his laptop and opens a basic google search, “it’s a disease that’s really rare. almost unheard of. you cough up flower petals when you have unrequited love.”

jaemin chokes at the last word, “love? that’s a strong word.” there was no way he was in love with you yet, there hadn’t even been a proper conversation between you two.

“yeah, who in the world do you love so much that it makes you grow a whole garden in your lung?” jeno asks sarcastically.

jaemin stays silent.

“but, this doesn’t look too good jaem. you’ll die if they can’t reciprocate your feelings. you’ll keep throwing up more and more flowers until it suffocates you,” jeno says in concern. he looks up at jaemin, fearful, “do your parents know? how long has this been happening?”

“they don’t, only you. you saw the first one.”

“good god, jaemin. y-you need to see a doctor! tell your parents! something!” jeno runs his hand through his hair, standing up. his eyes are pinker than usual and jaemin exhales shakily. he didn’t want to die.

jaemin had sighed a thousand times today. his head hurt, and while puppies could seemingly cure everything, they couldn’t ease his pain. you gaze at jaemin when he walks back into the room, “are you sure you’re okay?”

he doesn’t want to end this time with you early, but he felt like jeno needed an update, especially since neither of you knew that actual blood would be involved, “i don’t feel that great, sorry.”

“don’t be sorry! let me walk you to your car,” you hurridly plead, to which jaemin nods gratefully. the walk is silent with the exception of pointing out a cloud that looked funny or some strange person on the sidewalk. when he slides into his car seat, you press your lips to his cheek through the window, whispering a small goodbye and jogging off.

jaemin rests his head on the wheel once you disappear, and he feels something hot and wet on his cheek.

he knows his version of hell is the worst.

next | masterlist

[hvllevator]

love me | n.jm

pairing: na jaemin x female reader

genre: angst, hanahaki!au

words: 3,1k

warning: mentions of throwing up

summary: he made flowers grow in your lungs and although they are beautiful, you couldn’t breathe.

a/n: that is my favorite quote ^ i have mixed feelings about this idk if i like it or. pls dont ask for part two because its meant to end that way! i couldnt find anything about jaemin’s favorite flower so i used his birth flower instead!

You always told yourself it wasn’t real, and that you simply took his kindness the wrong way. Another cough left your throat along with a flower petal, a Gladiolus to be exact, his birth flower.

“Y/N!” Jaemin called out, walking towards your way with a huge grin on his face. You returned his enthusiasm.

Jaemin has been your best friend ever since his parents decided to move in the house next to yours. Your parents were close to one another, which gave you and Jaemin the opportunity to get to know each other. He was always someone you can count on, someone you can lean on whenever you had problems, and someone who was there for you when you needed him. Everyone was fond of your close friendship, often hearing how perfect you were for one another. Some were shocked to find out you weren’t dating especially since they consider the two of you as soulmates which you only laughed upon.

“Hi Jaemin.” You greeted him as he took a seat on the empty chair beside your desk.

“Last year of high school, can you believe it?” He laughed, feeling quite elated that he was finally leaving this hell hole after many years.

“You’re saying it as if we’re graduating tomorrow.” You groaned, placing your head on your desk. Not wanting to deal with the rest of your surroundings for the whole day.

“Yeah, but it’s only ten months. I bet this will pass by in a blur.”

Jaemin was right, you barely realized that it has been three months since the first day of school. You were somehow surprised that you managed to get through the countless schoolworks that was given to you, of course with a little help from Jaemin and his friends. You were close with Jaemin’s friends, not as much as you were with Jaemin but you often hung around them since they were kind and Jaemin liked them.

You were having your weekly movie night at Renjun’s since it was his time to host. You were seated between Jeno and Jaemin, the rest of the boys around. You couldn’t help but feel droopy halfway through the movie, your head slowly started dropping on Jeno’s shoulder which Jaemin noticed. He shifted uncomfortably as he saw you get settled on Jeno, something stirred inside of him and he didn’t like it.

“I’ll take her.” Jaemin mumbled, placing a hand between your head and Jeno’s shoulder before moving it so that you were leaning on him instead. Jeno didn’t really pay attention to his actions since it was something he would usually do when it came to you.

You woke up shortly after, seeing how you were now laying on Jaemin’s chest and his arm was loosely wrapped around your waist. You cursed your heart for starting to beat fast at the way you were positioned. You glanced around the room to see the rest of the boys fast asleep. So, you didn’t make any efforts to move and you went back to sleep in Jaemin’s arms.

You didn’t know when it started, you didn’t know why it started. But whenever Jaemin was relatively close to you, your heart just decides to panic and thump against your chest. You shrugged it off most of the time, thinking that you were probably just flustered due to your lack of romantic interaction that even the simplest of gestures got your heart racing. However, it somehow felt different with Jaemin, like you were craving more from him.

“Y/N, guess what?” Jaemin suddenly came out of nowhere which made you jump in your seat. You were in the library studying for your upcoming exams and you glared at him for being too loud in a place where silence was observed.

“What?” You whispered back, not wanting to disturb the people around you as you tried to continue reading the words on your textbook.

“I told you to guess!” He frowned, ready to pull your book away from you, which you only slapped his hand away.

“I’m terrible at guessing.” You rolled your eyes, turning the page of your book.

“True. Okay so, Na Jaemin has a date.” He boasted. Your breath hitched, actions halting when you heard his words. Why were you so affected if Jaemin goes on a date? You were too scared of finding the answer out.

“So we’re referring to ourselves in third person now?” You dully responded though your head clouds with thoughts.

“Did you hear what I just said?” This time he succeeded in peeling your book away from you.

“Congratulations someone finally said yes to your ugly ass.” You remarked, collecting all your belongings and getting ready to leave since you couldn’t handle being in front of him right now.

“Excuse me according to the ladies, they would die for me.” He wiggled his eyebrows, and you mentally curse him for being so attractive.

“That’s stupid.” You mumbled, not wanting to hear more information about his date.

“Stop.” He whined, grabbing hold of your wrists which made your heart, once again, race at the thought of being so close to him. “Be happy for me.” He pouted.

“I-I am.” You let out before shaking off his grip and sliding your bag on your shoulder. Mumbling a small goodbye before leaving him alone in the library which had him question why you were so hastily of leaving.

After Jaemin went on the date, it was all he would speak of. Telling you how cute his date looked when she giggled or how beautiful she looked when she smiled and quite frankly you were getting annoyed.

“Jaemin, that’s great but can we please talk about something else? At this point I feel like I was the one who went on a date with her.” You rubbed at your temples, not meaning to sound rude but you just couldn’t help your mouth.

Jaemin’s smile fell off his face. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, just, it happened three days ago and my ear is about to fall off if I hear one more thing about how she talked.” You were both lying in your bed, your head dangling off the edge with his body beside you. You felt heated whenever his arm would brush against yours and you’re practically laughing at yourself for setting the bar so low that even the simplest touch had you blushing.

“I get it. So, uh, how are you?” You almost scoffed at the way his sentence tumbled out of his mouth. Why was he suddenly feeling awkward?

“I’m fine. Thanks for asking. Our exams are coming up soon, aren’t you worried?” You turned your head to look at him.

“Nope.” He smiled, which made you relieved to see he got his charm back. “Because I have you beside me.”

You knew he meant it in a —let me copy off of you— way and you blame yourself for assuming his words meant something else.

“Yeah.” You cleared your throat. “I’ll always be.”

Jaemin finally asked the girl he is dating to be his girlfriend and your stomach felt uneasy when you found out. You showed him the reaction he wanted, which was to be happy for him. Of course you were happy, you just couldn’t help the displeasing pit that was forming inside you. You realized that you indeed have feelings for him and you would be lying if you said that finding out he has a girlfriend didn’t smash your heart into pieces. You loathe yourself for only realizing how you felt towards him when he was finally with someone he likes. You would never ruin his happiness, so you made no efforts in telling him how you felt. You often witnessed the two be all lovingly together, and it made you sick, literally, your throat felt itchy whenever they held hands or whenever she would cuddle up against him. The boys also noticed how you started to lose weight, and how your lips were often chapped. You were also worried for your well-being since you didn’t have a clue on what was happening until one day.

You felt bile rush up your throat, making you run to the toilet and puke all over. Except it wasn’t the food you ate earlier, it was petals of Gladiolus. Panic seeped through your veins at the sight of the petals in the toilet. You knew what they meant, everyone does. You screamed in pain, cursing yourself for forgetting something that was crucial in your life. Tears slipped from your eyes, flushing the toilet so that you wouldn’t see the mess you created. You cleaned yourself up before climbing in bed. You sobbed that night, feeling incredibly stupid for not preventing the situation earlier. You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t want to tell your parents about your reckless choices, yet you can’t keep suffering because of it.

You ended up seeking Jeno for advice, along with the rest of the boys. You told them about what was happening and what you were feeling. Pity flashed in their eyes as they watched you speak, genuinely feeling sorry for what you’re going through.

“Y/N... you know what that means right? You won’t get better unless...” Jeno trailed off, not really wanting to finish his statement.

“Unless he likes me back, I know.” You groaned, your hands running over your face.

“Or-“ Chenle started but you cut him off immediately

“No.” You sternly said, almost glaring at him.

“I haven’t even-“

“I know what you’re going to say. I won’t get surgery.”

“But Y/N,” Chenle sighed, careful eyes on you.

“I can’t and I won’t. I would rather live with loving him, rather than never being able to love him.”

You stood by your words, though you weren’t feeling any better. In fact, you grew even more weak, and Jaemin noticed that. You barely showed up in school due to you staying at home and coughing up a storm. Your parents eventually found out about your condition and even offered to talk to Jaemin’s family about it but you wouldn’t let them. You were having difficulties in breathing, the flowers scratching up your lungs. It hurt you, quite a lot. Yet you were too stubborn to give up your feelings.

Jaemin visited you unannounced, making sure there were no traces of flowers anywhere before letting him in your room. He saw how skinny you got, how your eyes looked like they lost life.

“What’s going on with you? Are you sick? Do you need to go to the doctors?” He asked the second he laid eyes on you. You shook at his words before giving him a reassuring smile.

“I’m fine, Jaems, just a fever.” Your throat was betraying you the longer you looked at him, wanting so bad to cough up another petal or so, but you swallowed it in, not wanting him to suspect anything. He seemed like he believed your words, deciding to drop the subject since he might offend you and offered to watch a movie. Feeling bad for turning him down, you agreed to watch a movie. The rest of the night dragged on awfully slow and your throat was on fire. You were sure that a bouquet was ready to come out of your lungs, Jaemin being so close to you didn’t help your condition not one bit, especially when he offered to cuddle but you turned him down, not knowing what would happen if you let yourself be vulnerable knowing he was in love with someone else. Excusing yourself, you rushed to the bathroom, ejecting every bit that was stuck in your stomach. Your eyes widened at the sight of a full flower laying on top of the petals. You were getting worse.

Jaemin ended up leaving that night earlier than expected due to his girlfriend constantly ringing his phone. He apologized countless times before leaving you alone, with petals surrounding yourself once again.

“I-I can’t be friends with you anymore.” Jaemin dropped all of a sudden and you had to stop your jaw from actually dropping. You stared at him as if he had three heads.

“What?” You frowned, shocked from his confession.

“You heard me.” He bit on his lip, his eyes looking everywhere but at you.

“I hear bullshit.” You snickered, ready to forgive him for his stupid joke.

“I’m serious.” You scanned his face for any emotions yet he looked dead serious, this wasn’t the Jaemin you knew and loved.

“Is it because of her?” You scoffed when he failed to respond to your questions. “Wow, Jaemin.” Huffing, you crossed your arms against your chest and stared at him in disbelief.

“Don’t bring her into this.” He argued, making you even more agitated.

“You’re willing to throw out friendship away because your girlfriend told you?”

“It’s not like that.”

“It is. Whatever. Fuck you, Jaemin.” You turned your back to him, getting ready to walk away.

“She’s sick, Y/N.” He let out when you began to walk.

You halted in place, turning to face him once again. “Oh? And what does that have to do with me?” You raised your brow at him.

“She told me she was puking flowers.”

You felt like the wind knocked you over because your knees felt like jelly when you processed his words. “W-why would she? Don’t you love her?” A glimmer of hope shined inside you.

“I do.” Glimmer of hope ruined. “And she said she’s sick because she assumed that I had feelings for you instead of her.”

“Do you?”

“N-no.” He shook his head. That was the last straw for you.

“Well then, I hope you’re happy with her.”

You sat on the hospital bed, cladded in the usual white gown that you hated. You were preparing for surgery, more like your parents forced you but you didn’t spare no effort into arguing anymore. Jaemin’s intentions were very clear and you couldn’t just stand hurting yourself over someone who wouldn’t see your worth. You talked to the boys before you got admitted, and you made them promise to never tell Jaemin about your condition, which they agreed upon. You closed your eyes, waiting for your name to be called so that you could end your suffering.

“Babe? You okay?” Jaemin’s girlfriend asked him, seeing as he was out of his thoughts.

“Hm?” He looked up to face her. “Yeah, how bout you? Still coughing up... petals?”

“Oh! Not anymore.” She shook her head and brightly smiled at him, a sight that Jaemin used to love but now seemed unaffected by it.

“May I ask what kind of flower you got?” He watched as she hesitated before speaking.

“Uh, roses.”

Your surgery was over before you knew it. You were glad that you no longer felt the heavy feeling on your chest. Your mind subconsciously drifts to the fact that you’ll never be able to look at Jaemin romantically ever again, the thought bringing sadness but you pushed it aside anyways.

Jaemin asked you to meet with him, at the playground you two often hung out in. You agreed, meeting at the planned location. Seeing him on the swings, deep in thought. You crept behind him before suddenly placing your hands on his shoulders, making him jump in fear. Laughing, you sat down on the swing beside him.

“I’m sorry I was a terrible friend, and I have no excuse for the way I acted except for the fact that she manipulated me. I missed you.” He admitted, turning his head to you.

“I missed you too, Nana.” You smiled at him which he returned when you called him by his infamous nickname. Willing to forgive him since you didn’t have it in your heart to hold a grudge against him, to hold anything against him really. His stomach churned at the sight of you brightly smiling at him. “What’s on your mind?”

“She lied to me.” He bluntly responded, kicking at the pebbles in front of him.

“What?”

“She was never sick. She told me her flower was roses.” He hung his head, not daring to face you. “Roses! I don’t even like roses.”

“I’m sorry, Jaemin.” You frowned, wanting to reach up to him and comfort him.

“Don’t be because. I realized who I really love.”

“No...” You whispered, watching as he stared at you like you were the most precious thing in the world. You were dreading his incoming words.

“I love you, Y/N. I’m so stupid for only realizing now but I feel like I have known for quite some time and I never plucked the courage to tell you.” He smiled at you, not noticing your troubled expression

“Jaemin,” You shook your head, standing from the swing as tears began brimming in your eyes. “I can’t love you.”

“W-what? Why not?” He dropped his smile, standing up to face you. His height completely towering over you.

“Because you made flowers grow in my lungs.” You stared at him through your tears. A sudden breeze embraced your skin, adding more tension in your body. “A-and I underwent surgery just to remove it.”

“How long?”

“A couple months.”

“And you never told me?”

“You were in a relationship, Jaemin.” You defended.

“But I would’ve dropped it for you!” He gestured his hand in exasperation.

“How was I supposed to know?!” You argued back, fully aware of the tears streaming down your face.

“That’s so unfair, Y/N.” He glared at you though he was anything but mad at you, in fact he was more livid at himself for not noticing. For not noticing the way you would frown whenever he talked about his ex girlfriend, for not seeing how weak you grew the past few months because he decided to turn a blind eye.

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” You went to reach up for his arm but he retracted before you could even graze his skin. He ran his hand through his hair before covering his face.

“Can you go? I don’t think I can speak to you right now.”

You felt sorry, you really did. Not thinking of how your decision would affect both parties. You listened to his words, leaving him alone in the playground that used to be so lively but now just seemed empty.

Jaemin let out sobs that were choked back, screaming loudly which startled the birds around him, even kicking on the swing set which just hurt his foot but he could care less. Especially when he felt like something was clawing up his throat. He gasped for air before hunching over and hurling.

There laid on the ground, petals of your favorite flower.

[akairoses]

Lilac Heart | Na Jaemin Hanahaki AU

Synopsis:

It's 3am and my throat feels dry. I’ve crushed on others before but why does it hurt so bad this time around. I knew one sided love was supposed to hurt but not like this. My entire night was a blur. I remember drinking a couple shots, crying my heart out and passing out - the standard heartbreak procedure. My head throbs and I don't remember a thing.

Why are there lilacs on the floor and why am I covered in them?

I cough,

Oh shit, I guess this wasn't another silly crush.

Na Jaemin, I guess I love you more than I thought.

——-

Kim Hyemi was convinced that this was just another silly crush. She knew her heart sped a little too fast at his smile and she grinned a little too hard at his antics. The feelings weren't anything she ever experienced before, it just felt a bit stronger.

When Hyemi had a crush on the school president - Taeil, she felt nothing when he had found a girlfriend. She merely woke up one day and life moved on. The same pattern happened with her next few crushes - she’d watch them from afar then she'd move on. She was convinced that this was the same for Jaemin.

She was wrong.

Her eyes lingered a little too long, her hands brushed his far more than the others - this was love.

Then she came into the picture and suddenly hanahaki wasn't just another folklore.

After one party and a couple shots, Kim Hyemi was passed out cold. Ironically, surrounded by lilac flowers signifying her one sided love.

“Jaemin, I love you.”

-

a/n: part one coming soon!

[squishymochisoo]

those stupid flowers pt.2 - hanahaki! jaemin

pain lasts. regrets fades. and my love for you always remained.

remember when you found me on my bedroom floor, coughing. at that point you didn’t know it wasn’t a normal cough. till you came back with a glass of water in your hand.

you saw the blood on the corners of my mouth and the dainty flowers i hid under the palms of my hand.

i remembered you thinking it was a joke at first. i mean everyone would’ve thought it was a harmless prank. you laughed and joked but when you saw the frown in my smile never leaving my face, i could see something glossed over your eyes. your eyes widened and as if in slow motion, you moved towards me and was by my side hugging me tightly.

“who? who it is?” i could only shake my head. his gripped tightened.

“how dare someone does this to you. how dare they make you suffer.” you said. funny how you were the one who was making me suffer. you didn’t see it then, but the pain seeing you with her was worse than having thorns scratching against my throat.

you wouldn’t leave me alone from then on. taking care of me whenever you could. but you didn’t realize how much worse i was getting. you brought her along whenever you met me.

i could never hate her. i actually loved her. i was glad that you picked someone so nice and sweet to be with. when you made all three of us dinner, you left her with me. she was the most sweetest, and prettiest girl you knew. the both of us became so close, it was weird.

i was in pain when i was with the both of you but i could never blame either of you. we passed the days, weeks together. the coughing getting worse everyday as more and more flowers came out.

staying awake in the middle of the night was not an option anymore. i would stay awake without a wink of sleep. my lungs couldn’t take the pain.

i didn’t know what was going to happen that night. if only i knew then. if i only i knew when the both of you left my house that day, i would’ve said a proper goodbye.

i wished i realized sooner that it was never going to be me. there was never a small chance that i could’ve been that girl you loved.

 but it’s okay, at least, one of us had our happy ending.

___________________

part1

i knew i had to write this very soon because i might have forgot about it later on!

[honeyhyuckficsrec]

The Fact Remains

Author: @kacchand

Relationship: Jaemin/ Reader, Mark/ Reader

Chapters: 5/ 7

Summary: A name shows up on your wrist and you can’t be happier that it’s him. only the fact remains; you’re in love with your best friend, who’s in love with someone else. And you’ll never be able to tell him.

Tags: Alternate Universe- Hanahaki Disease, Alternate Universe- Soulmates, Unrequited Love, Angst, Fluff

Thoughts: G O R L this story is literally amazing, it’s the first hanahaki story I’ve read and it’s really been hitting me in my feels, it’s not finished but it’s absolutely worth following 😭💕👏🏼

[daegalfangirl]

in my dreams (l.jn) — teaser

└> SYNOPSIS: plot inspired by the song "in my dreams" by red velvet. in short, sometimes our hopes can skew our reality before we're hit with the harsh reality of life.

└> GENRE: angst, fluff, unrequited love, hanahaki au

└> PAIRING: jeno x fem!reader, jaemin x fem!reader

└> WARNINGS: arranged marriage, distorted reality, cussing, infidelity, reader is very... accepting?, major character death, minor character death, more to be added

└> ESTIMATED WC: 3-7k

└> TAGLIST: is open! send in an ask, comment, or message me if you'd like to be added!

“It’s lovely to see you once again, Y/N.” Jaemin’s father politely greets you. You bow at the kind man, turning your dolled-up face towards him right after.

“Likewise. I presume Jaemin is still sick?” You ask, noticing how only one of the two sons was present.

“Unfortunately so. We apologize for the inconvenience once again, but he is still recovering and will hopefully attend next week.” His mother says. You reassure both of them that it's fine and that you can wait.

Truth to be told, being the next in line for Lettre D’amour was something you knew you would never get. Your sister was much more admirable and work-oriented. Your family only used you as a pretty face for money.

You were ecstatic knowing you were free from living a work-bound life. As much as you love your family’s business it's a lot of work and running it just isn't for you. However, it all came crashing down when it turned out you were going to be in an arranged marriage.

So much for freedom, you thought.

You nearly rolled your eyes remembering the moment your parents had told you. You’ve come to accept the draining lifestyle you've been born into and the money-hungry parents you've been raised by. You don't agree with either but there's simply nothing you can do.

You approach Lee Jeno, the half-brother of Na Jaemin. He was also not on the receiving end for being next in line. It was Jaemin, who is conveniently your fiancée and soon-to-be husband. You became good friends with him, but you knew that if you got too close it would lead to your demise.

“Sorry, he's not here. Would you like me to make up for his absence with a dance?” He requests with his hand out for you to grab. You very obviously accept his offer and reach for his hand, feeling light butterflies in your stomach.

While the two of you slow danced until Jeno spoke for Jaemin. “He wanted me to tell you that he’s personally sorry for his recent sickness and that he’ll make it up to you once he's back.” He was always such a caring brother, the two always seemed to look out for each other and it's quite heartwarming.

“In the meantime, I’ll be by your side until he returns.” He beams at you, his sheepish smile making you feel lightheaded.

“Thank you, Jeno,” you express your gratitude towards the handsome boy.

In my dreams, you love me back

daegalfangirl, 2022

[minjunz]

crimson and lilac | n.jm

Pairing: Jaemin x Gn! Reader

Genre: Angst

Themes + warnings: Hanahaki disease, blood, implied cheating i guess

Word count: 288 it’s short as fuck this was just angst practice (gone wrong)

A/N: i haven’t written anything in a really long time so im super rusty please forgive me!! i wanted to try practice getting back into it with something really short i hope you still like it uhh sorry if it’s bad i kinda hate it

You don’t see Jaemin anymore.

You feel the all too familiar rise in your throat, graceful threat gagging you.

Your lips part to let it fall, decorating your hands with scarlet-stained hyacinth petals. You cough as they float down in beautiful mockery.

Your vision is blurred now.

You don’t see his fingers interlock with someone else.

You’re glad. You don’t want to see yourself hacking up the product of your own stupidity.

You were stupid for trying to convince yourself he ever cared.

You were stupid for letting him pretend for so long.

You were stupid for longing for him despite the incessant dull ache in your chest.

You wish you could hate him.

You can’t.

You don’t see him smile, his sparkling eyes filling with false promises for someone that isn’t you.

You can’t let go of his loving facade.

The decaying bouquet in your hands is more than enough evidence of your lopsided feelings.

You blink back sour tears. Your gaze focuses on the petals you hold. They’re more red than purple now.

You don’t see the counterfeit smile plastered across his glowing skin.

You whisper a ghost of a plea.

You beg for someone, anyone, to cease your pain.

You don’t know if you’re referring to the crimson still invading your lungs, or the knowledge that Jaemin doesn’t even notice your absence. You just want it to stop.

You don’t see him plant a delicate kiss on his next victim’s lips.

They’re spilling from your clutch now, staining the tiled floor with floral blood.

You don’t see your hands anymore.

You don’t see the bathroom floor, or the growing mass of crimson and lilac.

You don’t feel your lips part one more time, urging the flowers out.

You don’t see the last petal fall.

You don’t see Jaemin anymore.

[neobowlingshoez]

Someone’s Someone- Preview

Synopsis: Y/N loves Jeno. Jeno loves Lia. Lia loves Jeno. And Jaemin loves Y/N. What happens when both Jaemin and Y/N fall sick?

Pairings: Jeno x OC, Jaemin x reader

Trope(s): Friends to lovers, Friends to lovers to exes

Warnings: Hanahaki disease, kind of a slow burn (takes forever for Y/N and Jaemin to get together 🙄), food trigger warning, jealousy, and more that will be added

Cai: This is my first writing posted on here. I wanted to post a preview to see what y’all think. I might do a taglist for this if people ask. Anyways here is the preview for Someone’s someone:

—-

Y/N stared at them. They looked so happy, like a scene from a romance movie. They were hugging playfully, the male kissing his female companion on the cheek.Y/N’s heart ached as she left the cafe with her drink, heading home.

It was particularly cold today, bringing back her memories from a few weeks ago:

He stood quietly, sighing in distress. “I’m sorry Y/N, I like someone else,” he said. Damn it, she thought. Suddenly, someone walked over. It was someone Y/N didn’t expect, “Oh hi Y/N,” Lia said, wrapping her arm around Jeno’s waist.

“Lia is my girlfriend. We have been dating for a while,” Jeno stated. Y/N stood there in shock. “Oh, okay. Forget about what I said. I hope for the best for you two,” she continued awkwardly smiling and walking away.

Jeno, Y/N, and Lia have been a tight-knit group since they were kids. Been through many ups and downs. This was their biggest down together.

The trio hasn’t spoken to each other since. Mainly because the new couple blocked Y/N.

Hearing her phone vibrate, Y/N took it out of her pocket. “Hello?” she said after answering the phone. “Y/N! Let’s hang out,” the person on the other line replied.

“Okay, I’m outside a cafe right now,” she responded. “I know, turn around,” the person giggled.

She turned out, eyes looking at the person in front of her. He smiled, walking over to her and hanging up. “Hello,” he cheered. “Hi Jaemin,” she responded.

“So….What are we doing?” she continued. “Let’s have a movie night. Like old times. I know you’ve been upset since Lia and Jeno are dating. So let me treat you,” he said.

She sighed. “Alrighty,” replied to her very giggly friend. They both walked away, quietly.

—-

“Romance?”

“Ew gross”

“Okay… Action?”

“Not in the mood,”

“Horror?”

“That’s more like it!”

“But I don’t wanna watch horror,” Jaemin whined. “But Jaem you love horror movies,” Y/N whined back. “

“Yeah but I’m not in the mood,” he justifies. “Okay sorry. How about a thriller?” Y/N replied. “No, no. Horror is fine,” Jaemin insisted.

Well, it wasn’t fine. Halfway through the movie, Jaemin started to yawn. “Okay this is getting boring,” Y/N complained, turning off the TV. Jaemin sighed in relief.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jaemin asked. “If you want to listen,” Y/N responded. “I’ll listen,”

She sighed. “I just feel so stupid. I mean Jeno and Lia have been speaking about how much they like their crush and finding out they are dating. It’s hard. And now they blocked me on all social media platforms. It’s as if they don't want to be my friend anymore,” she vented.

“Y/N you aren’t stupid. Jeno is my roommate and trust me he didn't tell me it was Lia he was seeing. He tells me everything. I’m sure they didn’t want to hurt you in any way.” Jaemin assures.

She smiled. Suddenly she felt nauseous. Running out of the living room, Jaemin was on her tail. She rushed to the toilet. Bending down, she started coughing. Once she was finished she looked up. “Why did I cough up blood and flowers?” she questioned her friend.

He knelt down to her level. “I don’t know. Why don’t you change into more comfortable clothes and I’ll wait for you. We can look it up together,” he explained, walking out of the bathroom once he finished.

After Y/N changed, she jumped into bed, placing her head on his shoulder. “Coughing up blood and flowers,” Jaemin spoke while typing on the keyboard.

The first thing that showed up was ‘Hanahaki Disease’. Jaemin clicked on the first link that showed up:

“Hanahaki Disease occurs when one experiences unrequited love. That is, one-sided love. The patient's throat will fill up with flowers, then proceed to throw and cough up petals. There are two ways the patient can recover: One is where the patient’s crush likes them back in a romantic way or Two via surgery where the feelings disappear along with the flowers. However if one doesn’t choose either option then the lungs will fill up with flowers, suffocating them,” Jaemin read out loud.

“Oh…” she said disappointedly. “Well, my only option is surgery. Since Jeno is with someone else. But I’m broke so I guess I’ll just live until I suffocate,” she confesses after assessing her options.

“Y/N don’t think that way. You never know if you will stop coughing flowers up,” Jaemin pouted. Suddenly, Y/N started getting emotional.

“Jaemin, you can’t tell anyone,” Y/N sniffled. “I won’t. I promise. But I won’t let you be alone. Someone needs to take care of you,” he assured.

—

Full story out July 31

[honeydh]

LILACS AND DAFFODILS

MARK LEE

[PART 2 to BLUE HYACINTHS]

GENRE: hanahaki au, angst, some fluff, some comfort, more angst

WARNINGS: mentions of death, obviously. more than once. unedited

TAGLIST: @danoolah @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @jising-jisang-jisung and that one anon from May

A/N: at no point did i know where this was going, and umm yeah. but a long awaited part two that i hope gets y’all to feel something <3

Flowers started arriving for you two days into your hospital stay. Every day, 8am. Sometimes it was pink and abundant peonies, sometimes sweet and small bouquets filled with lilacs and baby’s breath between. You didn’t know who they were from, but the little notes held poems that lifted your mood for the rest of the day. They helped you forget, for a little while at least, the reason you were in the hospital.

Your mind couldn’t help wandering back to that night. When you found out your long-term boyfriend had fallen for someone else, one of his coworkers. It was like a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped on you. And then came the aftermath.

The tearful confrontation in the car after the party, calling up your friend to stay with her, the shortly thereafter admission to the hospital when you could hardly function. You still refused to get the surgery that would save your shortening life, despite everything you still treasured the near two years you spent with the man that still held your heart in the palm of his hand.

A knock on the door brought you from your misery; it was one of your day nurses, the one that usually brought up your flowers. Today was a mixture of sunflowers, yellow roses, and delphinium. A soft smile tugged your muscles as you took them in, holding them up for a deep smell as you received them.

“You have quite the admirer,” Amy said, relieved that the flowers lifted your mood so much. Most Hanahaki Disease patients withered away in their beds, refusing the life saving surgery and passing away in their sleep from broken hearts and torn lungs.

You hummed. While the flowers were indeed lovely, it still confused you to no end who was sending them. Your friend every day reaffirmed that Jaemin had no idea you were even in the hospital, so it couldn’t be him. You didn’t want it to be anyway, it would just make you more miserable.

“What’s the note today?” Amy asked, peering over the top of the bouquet. You opened the card, silently reading over it first, furrowing your brows more and more.

‘I hope this isn’t out of line, but can I buy you a drink? To replace the one I spilled that night’

-M

“Oh, a hint!” Amy exclaimed after you read it aloud. “So you do know the one sending the flowers.”

You tilted your head. “Not really. Not personally anyway. I think I do know who it is though…” you trailed.

“So? Are you gonna agree to it?”

You lifted a shoulder. “Even if I wanted to, how would I let him know?”

Amy hummed. “Maybe let the flower shop know. They keep track of regular customers, and it seems like he picks the flowers out himself rather than ordering online.”

The next day another bouquet came, but the note was back to the usual poem. There wasn’t any theme to them, like they were selected as if they were his favorites. They were all lovely, as any form of art held a special place in your heart.

You brought up the request first thing when your friend came by for her daily visit. She thought the same as Amy, that you knew him, until you told her about the small incident at the party that night. You thought back on his behavior. He had been very kind, and he had been concerned about your appearance even back then. You wonder if he knew Jaemin.

Regardless, you figured that if you were gonna die in a couple months anyway, what was the harm in meeting ‘M’? So you sent an email to the flower shop with your message, and waited.

The next day, your flowers were late. Amy didn’t bring them in, and every time she came to check on you it was the same. Around noon, a knock let you know it was lunch time. Except, the door opened to a bouquet, behind which fluffy dark brown hair half covered dark brown eyes. It was weird seeing someone again that you’ve only met briefly before. A tentative smile greeted you, to which a corner of your own mouth couldn’t help quirking up with in response. That, and the flowers that made you smile no matter what.

“Hello again,” his deep voice filled the quiet space.

“Hello,” you murmured. You couldn’t take your eyes off his as he walked slowly up to your bedside. You motioned at the chair nearby so he could sit, at the same time he held the flower— daisies, carnations, yellow roses— out to you. The bouquet hit your hand with a hollow sound, as ‘M’ stuttered out an apology.

“O-Oh my gosh I’m so sorry! He-here these are for you.” You watched in fascination as his ears grew a deep red and his eyes fell to your scratchy hospital blanket in embarrassment.

A hand flew to cover your mouth as you giggled. But when he looked back up at you, you cleared your throat and averted your eyes. “Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh at you.”

The silence was a little awkward as neither of you were sure what to say while you stared lovingly down at the flowers. But then he seemed to start. “Oh. My name is Mark by the way. I… hope you don’t mind I brought the flowers myself this time. Or that I’ve been sending them at all,” Mark chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with his now free hand.

“No I… I like them,” you whispered. “They’ve all been so lovely. Thank you. For sending them. Although I’ll admit I’m not sure why you’ve been doing it.”

Another blush lightly dusted the tops of his ears as Mark shifted subtlety in the chair. “I don’t really know myself, I just thought you were so pretty that night, and then I found out what was going on with your…. boyfriend,” he winced. “I have a friend that works here and while I was visiting him I happened to see you walking the hall with a nurse. The next day I walked by a flower shop and just thought you might like some flowers.” Mark shrugged. “That’s basically it. I hope you didn’t find them creepy, I didn’t really think that far ahead.”

You shook your head. “No, they were lovely. And besides, even if you were a stalker, it’s not like i’ll be here much longer.”

Mark shook his head hard. “Don’t think like that, you’ve still got a while, you don’t know how things might change.”

Your sad smile stabbed Mark through the chest. He wanted to hear your laugh again instead. He scrambled to change the subject. His whole purpose was to make you happy, not remind you of the situation. “I know I offered a drink, but i brought lunch instead. Hope that’s okay?”

On time, your stomach grumbled and you covered it with your hand, and a lightly embarrassing laugh. “That would be fantastic actually. What did you bring? Hospital food isn’t that bad but I’ve been deprived of a real meal for so long.”

Mark started coming every few days at lunch, until it turned into nearly every day. You could tell which days it was gonna be because he brought the flowers himself when he did. They still had poems in the card, and he started sharing with you which books they came from. Quite a few of them had been on your TBR list.

Some days he brought lunch with him, and others he ate the hospital’s food with you. Amy was all too happy to bring up two plates of food those days, and made sure you knew with the wink she sent you when Mark wasn’t looking. You just scoffed and waved her off. The amount of flowers you coughed up hourly hadn’t gone down a bit so you didn’t understand her excitement.

But you did feel better.

You found yourself being cheery for longer, and you even started considering the surgery. Jaemin wasn’t the only good thing the world had. And you were still 100 percent convinced he hadn’t hurt you on purpose. It wasn’t in his nature, never would be. Sometimes you wondered how he was doing, if he might have gotten the disease too after you left. You weren’t sure if you could hold feelings for two people at once, or if the stronger one determined if you got the disease or not. Maybe there was a study on it, but maybe you’d feel better not knowing. Despite it all, you didn’t want him to feel the pain you were going through.

“Do you not have anything else to do during your lunch break?” you asked Mark one day. He’d brought spaghetti from the Italian place you’d wanted to go to for months and months, and it was divine.

“Did… you not want me to come by anymore?” Mark asked carefully. He was avidly staring at his food.

“No! It’s not that at all,” you admitted looking down at your own plate, before looking back at him. All you could see was his brown hair. “It’s just… do you really want to spend all this time with me, when I… when I might not be here by the end of the year?” you asked around the lump in your throat.

You startled as Mark shot to his feet, setting his food aside quickly. You opened your mouth but nothing came out, watching as he walked briskly out the door, shocked by his display. You stared at the closed door, your bottom lip wobbling. Head hung, a tear dripped from your eye onto your food. A loose fist wiped at your tears in shock, hand shaky as you tried to wipe the offending water away.

Your knees came up against your chest as you laid your head down, upset at yourself for upsetting Mark. You hadn’t meant to, you just forgot to bite your tongue sometimes. Now he might not come back.

The creaking door brought your teary eyes up, widened in surprise as Mark walked back inside, his eyes downcast. “Sorry for running out so suddenly, I just- Oh my god why are you crying,” Mark exclaimed, horror written across his face.

A muffled sob escaped from behind your hand but you didn’t take your eyes off him as he rushed to your side, taking your face in his hands. Thumbs wiped the tears from under your eyes as he checked you over before crushing you to his chest. Your arms wrapped tightly around him, as if scared he would leave again.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered into your hair. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, I’m so sorry, I just needed to step outside for a minute,” he frantically explained. “I don’t like hearing you talk like your life is a candle about to go out, and I needed to get some fresh air. I’m so sorry Yn.”

You felt every word against your hair, his hold tightening around you every time a cry escaped your body.Eventually your tears subsided into hiccups, but he kept holding you and stroking your back.

You gasped and pulled away as much as you could in his strong hold when you became aware of how much time had gone by, your head turning to the clock with difficulty. Definitely past the time he should’ve left by now. “You’re late for work!” you cried.

Mark turned to the clock as well, standing silently for a long moment before he shrugged.

“They can do without me for the rest of the day. I’m this late anyway. Look, your food is cold. Are you still hungry? I can have the nurses heat it up,” he offered. The plate and Mark were out the door before you could protest, leaving you more confused than before he’d come back.

When Mark returned, he was kinda quiet, lost in his own thoughts. But you still wanted his company so you didn’t say anything about it. When it came time for your afternoon walk outside, he accompanied you. There was a small garden outside the building that you liked to walk through. The benches half in the sun and half in the shade were your favorite places to spend your time.

A little while into your time outside, Mark loosened up a bit again and started reenacting a Shakespeare skit he’d seen recently while you giggled and clapped your hands. He promised to take you to a play some time in the future, and you found yourself agreeing to go with little hesitation.

The days continued on. Mark spent every lunch with you now, and he’d even met your friend a couple times. Together, the three of you planned a date with your doctors for your surgery. It was a big step, a huge one. Jaemin had once been the entire focus of your life, still was to the extent of your disease. But you had things to look forward to now. You’d never seen Romeo and Juliet in person, and one afternoon as you opened the card to read the day’s poem, a pair of tickets fell into your lap. Your mouth fell open as you looked down at them, unexpected tears gathering in the corner of your eyes.

“I tried to pick a date later in the year so you’ll be recovered but… I hope it’s okay,” Mark said tentatively.

Your lips turned into a pout from uncontrolled emotion. “I love it. Thank you Mark.” You pulled him into a hug, the bouquet and tickets on your lap between you. You laughed as you pulled back to wipe your tears away. “I cant believe I’ll get to go with you. I’m so excited!“

Mark grinned at you as you chattered on about the clips you’d seen on the internet, and what part you thought would be your favorite. You had your favorite moment from reading the story, but seeing it in person was bound to bring out different emotions for different scenes.

Harsh coughing interrupted your thoughts, looking over to find Mark practically doubled over. “Oh my gosh are you okay?” you exclaimed, swinging your legs off the bed to reach over to him.

Mark held up a hand, nodding even as he continued coughing. “Fine, I just need a glass of water,” he wheezed, stumbling out the door. He returned a few minutes later with a sheen of sweat.

“Do you need to see a doctor?” you asked worriedly.

Mark shook his head. “I think it’s just my allergies.” You furrowed your brows but you let it be for the time being. Eventually the whole incident left your brain, especially as your surgery date drew closer and closer.

The day of, Mark showed up with a bouquet of roses. Your face split into a bright smile, a warm feeling spreading through your chest.

Mark watched as your face lit up, his chest feeling light as air for the first time in weeks. Even with the surgery cap on your head you looked as beautiful as ever. The first time he laid eyes on you he thought you an angel, and he swore you got prettier every day, inside and out.

It was no wonder he’d fallen for you.

The relief he felt when you agreed to get the surgery was beyond words. It wasn’t that he thought you’d never love him back without the surgery. He just wanted you to live life without a broken heart once again, and enjoy it. He wanted you to live a long and happy life. And if by the hopeful chance you’d fall for him too… well who was he to complain?

So he kept his own flowers a secret, hiding the way his throat burned when he talked, making jokes that his bladder was small when you realized he left to the bathroom often. He’d kept it quiet for half the time he’d known you, and he could continue to do so for the rest of his life if he had to.

Mark promised to hold your roses for you while you went into surgery, assuring you he’d be waiting for you when you woke up.

Those three hours went swiftly by, so distracted was he on seeing you again he didn’t even cough up his daffodils. In fact, he hadn’t at all that day. He turned that realization over and over in his mind, until the doors opening caught his attention. He rose on leaden legs.

“She’s doing great,” the doctor smiled. “She should be conscious in the next half hour or so, if you’d like to wait for her in the room.”

Mark heard the words, but he wasn’t listening. Blood rushed through his ears as he walked the familiar hall to your room, quietly turning the handle to the door. You lay motionless on the bed, hair combed gently to the sides of your face. Mark’s hand trembled as he brushed a strand off your cheek. As his fingertip stroked your skin, he felt a flower rising up his throat. He stumbled into your bathroom, tears burning the corners of his eyes as he retched up daffodils.

Mark remained knelt by the toilet until the onslaught of flowers ceased. He fell back to rest against the cabinet, an arm over his lifted knee. The bouquet of roses sat an arms reach away, and a tear slid down his cheek. Mark remained that way for a while until he brought himself up on shaky legs to sit by your bedside where he held your hand until your eyes fluttered open.

Mark sat up straighter, the words ‘please let me be wrong, please let me be wrong’ a broken record in his mind. Your eyes found his, and he strained hard to see the spark your eyes always held when he walked into your room with lunch.

His stomach dropped and he felt the clawing of flowers in his throat again, as you uttered your first words.

“Who… who are you?”

[starjeno]

bloom | n.jm | 3

genre: angst, fluff? | hanahaki!au pairing: student!jaemin x female!reader warnings: mentions of vomiting, mentions of surgery, therapy summary: jaemin suffers from a special kind of unrequited love — one that makes him choke out flowers. a/n: it took me so long to hash out a way to end this but i’m pleased with it :) this’ll be the last part to bloom! glad you enjoyed bubs.  

jaemin feels at peace.

it’s a strange state for him to be in, especially since he went through such physical and emotional turmoil years prior. his throat is still healing from the apple blossom branch that was once in him and he still has that bad habit of checking for a bathroom at any venue, but when he watched you get ready earlier, it’s almost as if those quirks never existed. he’s unbelievably happy, especially today.

the doors in the back open and everyone in the hall turns to watch you, wrapped in white lace and silk, walk blissfully down the lane. jaemin’s eyes soften at your shy smile and your taut knuckles gripping the blooming bouquet. he knows you’re nervous, this is all you've talked about for the last few months. luckily, jaemin was available to help comfort your nerves, easing much of the burden off you.

“she’s stunning, right?” jeno whispers, leaning in to whisper in his ear. jaemin nods in agreement, clasping his hands as he sees you approach the front. you meet his gaze and smile wider, making his face flush with happiness.

jaemin grips the bed in nervousness, watching as the nurses around him arrange various tubes and tools on different tables. he looks at the head surgeon with worry, “what’s the success rate again?”

“83 percent,” the man reassures warmly, “we’ll just clean out your lungs and pull the plant out of your throat. you’ll have two weeks to recover and get used to your stitches.”

“will it hurt?” jaemin murmurs, already knowing the answer.

“you’ll be asleep.”

jaemin sighs as the lights brighten above him, and he readjusts his arm to allow the nurses to shoot some substances up his veins. he feels his body heat up before his eyelids get heavy.

jaemin wonders where you are right now. you’re probably in one of your classes, checking your phone, painfully oblivious to the professor’s glares. you might be excited for later tonight since jeno promised to drive over to your university so you could binge a new show together. he thinks about the last message he sent to you ━ making up some excuse about his parents to hide all this.

he only thinks about you before he drifts off to unconsiousness.

jaemin watches as you glance up with watering eyes, struggling to not ruin your makeup. the vows are bumpy, with you struggling not to laugh or cry. jaemin finds it endearing. knowing his best friend is experiencing the best day of her life makes him feel ecstatic, like a puppy. you meet his stare again and cup your hair behind your ears, the both of you smiling proudly.

he knows you could’ve loved him. he knows that if he confessed, it could’ve been him in front of you at the altar, watching you blush at his words. but jaemin’s too shy, too careful, to confess such strong feelings without absolute certainty. there were too many unknowns, too many risks.

plus, it doesn’t really matter anymore.

what matters is that jaemin is healthy and alive. jeno cheers when the marriage is finally sealed with the promising words and a kiss, and jaemin can’t help but follow suit. the whole hall is filled with congratulations and tears. jaemin waits for you to separate from your new husband before he walks up, lifting you up in a tight embrace. you’re so unbelievably grateful for his friendship for all these years, you even begged your husband to make jaemin his best man.

“jaem, i’m so happy. it’s unreal,” you whisper in his shoulder, and jaemin grins. he feels the same way.

“jaemin!” jeno busts in, backing up when he realizes his friend is awake. jaemin gives a weak grin and lifts up his arm in greeting, “hey.”

“are you good?” jeno questions worriedly, fixing jaemin’s bedsheets and sitting by the machines, “is the plant gone? you won’t die?”

jaemin pretends to pout, startling jeno, but then laughs softly, “yes, yes, and yes.”

he takes a quick glance at the pitcher of water by his bedside, and jeno springs up to fetch a cup. jaemin smiles softly as he watches his best friend prepare a cup eagerly, and takes a long sip. jeno waits until he puts the cup down before continuing, “so, what about ____?”

jaemin automatically straightens up, expecting something to flow upwards at the mention of your name. he had forgotten why the flower was a problem in the first place. he concentrates hard, remembering your features and the way you feel in his arms, but other than a comforting warmth, jaemin doesn’t detect any flustering feelings. he looks at jeno with wide eyes, not sure if he should smile or frown, “nothing.”

“nothing? no vomit, no petals, nothing?” jeno asks confused. jaemin shakes his head, “i mean, yeah, but ━ i don’t, i don’t feel all fuzzy anymore either.”

his eyes are wide as he stares at his hands, “i really lost my feelings.”

jeno wants to scream with delight, but at the sight of his serious-faced friend, he holds back, “hey, that’s okay. you can move on now.”

jaemin bobs his head subconsiously. he’s overwhelmed with the fact that he actually has a future now.

the reception is incredibly crowded. jaemin struggles to squeeze through to get to his assigned table. he glances at the name cards and sees ‘jeno’ and ‘____’ seated beside him. before he could find you, you pop up beside him, grinning happily, “you found your seat!”

“i did. congratulations to you and renjun. i’m so happy for you,” he praises, wrapping you in another hug. you push him away playfully, “when will i be able to congratulate you? hurry up and find someone, jaem!”

jaemin responds with his signature bright smile, but he doesn’t reply. he can’t bring himself to tell you that it’ll never happen ━ that he’ll never love someone as much as he loved you. he hasn’t even told jeno that he hasn’t felt anything for a human for the past five years.

not even a hint of attraction.

his heart rate hasn’t sped up in so long, jaemin can’t even remember what being flustered feels like. he doesn’t even feel urges anymore. at this point, jaemin is unsure when he’ll ever find someone that fits with him as much as you did. he’s positive he’s meant to be alone.

“you’re not alone,” the therapist quips, resting his elbow on the desk. jaemin shakes his head, “but i feel alone.”

the man shifts in his seat, “hanahaki is incredibly rare, almost unheard of. there’s a side effect to the surgery that few patients have reported.”

“what?” jaemin lift his head, curious.

“they never love again.”

jaemin’s eyes widen in devastation, disbelief in his tone, “i thought you just lose feelings for whoever you loved.”

the man jots something down on a sticky note, “for the majority of surgical patients, that is true. but there’s a few that also experienced what you experienced. complete loss of attraction. i can look more into it for you.”

“yes, thank you, doctor,” jaemin sighs, leaning back on the sofa. he pauses before speaking again, “nothing i say will come out of this room, right?”

“right, why?” jaemin hears the familiar click of the clipboard coming out and takes a swallow of air, “sometimes i wish i didn’t get the surgery.”

“how come?” the man responds in a calming tone. jaemin turns his head to meet his stare, sadness clouding his bright eyes, “i have to live now with nothing. i-i can’t tell if this empty feeling is better than having someone to love. i can’t feel that anymore. i-”

jaemin stutters over his words. the therapist approaches the sofa with concern. 

“if i had died, i would’ve spent my last moments loving someone. now that i’m still here, what will my last moments be?

jeno stands up first, raising his glass high and letting the champagne inside swirl. he gives jaemin a bright smile before pacing around the room, retelling a funny story about you and your husband. the whole speech is practiced to perfection, paused at the right moments and emphasized for effect. everyone claps at the end of his toast and jeno takes a deep bow before sitting. you’re quietly crying with laughter, biting your lip to try to calm down.

at your signal, jaemin stands up straight, adjusting his tie. he’s nervous when he looks at everyone around. these are your friends and your family. your parents smile fondly at jaemin, recalling the small boy who used to ignore their daughter. he clears his throat, reciting the words he rehearsed in the mirror countless times. you watch his movements carefully, noting his hands fiddling with his cuffs every time he takes a step to the left. it’s amazing to you: this is the jaemin who went to high school with you. the one who put aside saturdays for you and comforted you all throughout college.

as you watched jaemin’s eyes land on you, you feel your heart beat faster. his warm gaze only held happiness for you and you could feel your lips tug into a wide smile.

you feel at peace.

prev | masterlist

[tyongishs]

works in progress ¡!

all the teasers down below along with the plot and headers all belong to me, @/tyongishs, if you wish to take inspiration from any of these please contact me asking for permission first and we can work something out.

drag me down | d.sc

-> pairing: dong sicheng x reader

-> themes: criminal au, exes to lovers, conman sicheng, angst, slow burn, some fluff, humor

-> synopsis: dong sicheng, he was your past, someone you used to know. that's all he was supposed to be anyway before he decided to drag you down with him.

-> progress: almost done planning

-> wc: 1.7k

just my imagination | l.ty

-> pairing: lee taeyong x reader

-> themes: strangers to lovers, college au, angst,

-> synopsis: the universe brought you together and then ripped you apart. to this day you didn't understand or fully comprehend what had happened, you just knew it did.

-> progress: barely started planning

-> wc: 0.4k

the way i hate you | h.rj

-> pairing: huang renjun x reader

-> themes: college au, enemies to lovers, angst, comedy, slight fluff

-> synopsis: you hated him. you hated his smirk, his pretty little eyes and his picture perfect smile. you hated everything about him. you hated that you loved him.

-> progress: just going with the flow at this point

-> wc: 2.2k

don't leave me hanging | l.mk

-> pairing: lee mark x reader

-> themes: high school au, best friend mark, spiderman mark, angst, slight fluff, humor best friends to lovers, spiderman au, spider mark au, slowburn, hanahaki au, unrequited love

-> synopsis: you and lee mark were inseparable, best friends for life is what you had promised to be, but was that all you really were?

-> progress: still planning it out

-> wc: n/a

curiosity | n.jm

-> pairing: na jaemin x reader

-> themes: hogwarts au, slytherin jaemin, gryffindor reader, strangers to rivals to lovers, angst, slight fluff, humor, messed up family life

-> synopsis: na jaemin was the slytherin prince. he could have anything and everything thing he wanted. he didn't really bother with anyone, but you seemed to spike his curiosity

-> progress: i have to re work a lot of shit tbh

-> wc: 1.8k

》》 to be added to the taglists of any of these fics let me know by commenting on this post or leaving an ask

[squishymochisoo]

those stupid flowers - hanahaki! jaemin

i stared at him from afar, just like i’ve always done for the past two years. for these past two years, he was the only one who could get my heart starting, the one who could make me smile just by looking my way. funny enough how i wasn’t the one that got your heart going. you were my constant source of power. i would have collapsed years ago. i would have stopped trying years ago. but you got me going. you made me push myself. you made me realize that there was more to life than an empty shadow of everything that left me. you made me realize that life wasn’t something that was planned. everything that happened to me was unexpected. good or bad it was all unexpected. and you coming into my life was one of the most greatest thing that has ever happened to me. for the past two years, i have tried to forget you. i tried so hard. i always knew that i was never someone you would take a second look at. i was just someone you saved. i was just your best friend.

the moment i knew i had to stop looking your way, was when i had those stupid little flowers flowing out of my mouth. they were just tiny little pieces of flower, but why did they hurt me so badly? i felt as if my throat was constricting me. i felt my ribcage closing in on my heart, i felt helpless.

those stupid flowers.

 no i’ve never thought of flowers as pretty. if anything flowers were just flowers to me. but at that moment as i stared at the flowers that came out of my mouth, i thought that maybe flowers were pretty, and my that my death would be pretty too.

getting cured never crossed my mind. i used to think that my brother was stupid for not getting cured. i used to think that someone would never be enough for me to sacrifice myself for. i used to think that it was stupid, to put someone else before yourself. why would someone kill themselves just to remember someone they love. it was stupid.

but now as i stare at myself in the mirror, i knew what went through my brother’s mind four years ago. i finally realize why someone would make that decision. a decision i deemed as stupid merely four years ago.

my mind was set on leaving the flowers in my lungs. i didn’t care that i was getting weaker as the days passed by. hoping that, nobody realized. it was impossible to tell at first. most passing it off as a cold from the unpredictable weather.

but you were the first one to notice. i never could getting anything pass you huh?

 “are you okay? you haven’t been yourself for the past week.” you would say

“i’m fine, just a cold.”

“i know you y/n. tell me.”

“nothing, just leave it jaemin.”

 as i turned away from the conversation, i remember the look on your face, i’m sorry.

i’m sorry.

i know we promised each other that we would tell each other everything.

but i had my share of secrets i couldn’t tell you.

and it seems like you had your share of secrets you didn’t tell me too.

the secret that made me cry in the middle of the night on the bathroom floor while clutching my throat as flowers flowed out gracefully.

you never did tell me that you loved her.

_______________________________________

part 2!

i hope you enjoyed this short short work! i just felt like writing something! do leave me a feedback! :)