#half the time the simulation doesn’t spawn my neighbors outside their apartments

[silvermizuki]

Dude I stepped outside my apartment in thee clown fit (thanos t-shirt, fnaf sun pants, and flip flops) and made direct eye contact with my neighbor. He just stared at me for a solid 5 seconds before he went back inside LMAO

[pandabearlikes]

My Husband, Kim JunMeow

Table of Contents 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Chapter o3. The Nudist  

“Alright!  Let’s go!” I grunt and attempt to drag the kitty out.  A long streak of scratch marks run from my living room floor boards to the door frame.  He clings on as if his dear life is really up for grabs.  “Crazy cat, I’m bringing you to the animal shelter to find you a new home!”  

“MEOW~~~@@~#~!#@$@$@%@%” the feline grouchily fusses and digs his nails into the cherry wood.  GREAT, another chunk of my non-existent paycheck.  

“Come on!  I researched the place; the shelter is a no-kill.” I grunt, "People like cats, alright?  You will find a home really fast,” I try to persuade, lift my leg, and step down another step of the stairs.  The length of this cat’s torso and the pure strength from that tiny being amazes me.  “Do you have a gym membership or something?!?!!?”

“MEOWOEWEWEWEWWWWW~” he shrieks.  Floor tenants swing open their doors to check out the business.

“She’s just playing violin again,” one of the neighbor’s son, a bratty 9 year old boy exclaims.  I almost face palm and run back into my apartment out of embarrassment.  Opening my mouth, I brainstorm a good counter attack because I’m petty af sometimes, okay?!  But I didn’t know which is worse: admitting my musical talent is equivalent to a dying cat or admitting that there might, in fact, be a dying cat here, because I’m just seconds from strangling this crazy, stubborn monster.

“ARGH!” I groan, let go, and collapse against the welcome mat.  I surrender, Oh my God, I surrender.  My arms are sore, my legs are sore, my muscles are sore, my bones are sore.  The kitty’s belly rest against my thigh and it’s fuming like a hot potato from all the energy he exerted.  Huffing and puffing, I pick him up and head back into the house.  Gently, or as gentle I could be in my state of fury, I place him against the cold stone kitchen counter so his body temperature could be brought down.  

“Meow~…” the trouble maker purrs in jubilation while I claw at my hair.

Distaster!  Distaster!!!!  Pure Distaster.  This is exactly why I keep my guard up because the moment I drop it, this happens.  I let a crazy monster into my life and now he won’t go out.  

“Chillax, Girl,” Lila laughs through the phone.

“I HATE CATS,” I repeat for the -umph time.

“I’ll be right there.  Hehehe,” my friend’s voice fills with so much excitement and anticipation, I almost feel bad for her.  Just wait until she sees how similar this feline is to the Devil’s spawn.  

I glance around and eye the sleepy kitty.  “Should I cover up for you?” I pat his behind and invite him to be my accomplice.  It’s pure friendship betrayal but if it saves my white walls and pleather sofas… I begin to hide the scratch marks on my wooden floor by dragging my rug over to the spot.  

“Meow?” the cat lifts his head up and narrows his eyes.

“I’M HERE!  I’M HERE!!!” Lila hops up and down as she rings my doorbell.  At a speed faster than light, I fling open my door.  

“TADA!  CAT!  TAKE HIM.  PLEASE!”

“OH MY GOD!!!!!” the bubbly cat lover squeals and rushes into the apartment.  As if this is some drug dealing heist, I slam the door shut and check that all the blinds and curtains are down.  With my heart sending excess blood through my system, I traipse my way behind Lila.  My lower lip swells from my lip biting.  

“What’s his name?!” she asks and gazes in awe.  I swear, from her eyes, I almost think it’s a mystical unicorn in front of us and not a feisty cat.  

“Uh…Kim JunMeow…” I say the first name that comes into my mind.

She stops in front of the curious but hostile feline and begins her instinctive baby cat talk.  “Sho cute~~” she weeps and reaches a hand out to pet her spiritual animal’s head.  To both our surprise, he hisses and smacks her hand away.  The sweet girl gasps, a little hurt by his reaction.  

“Hey!” I point and discipline.

“Don’t yell at him!  He’s just scared,” she defends him while I narrow my eyes because I know better.  Scared?!?!?  This cat is fearless.  Again, Lila tries to stroke his fur.  He responds by baring his teeth and hissing.

“NO!  Bad boy!” I scold.  As soon as I hold my hand out, the strange little monster zealously walks over, wraps his paws around my wrist, and nuzzles his head against my arm.  

“Wow,” my best friend exclaims, “He...loves you.”

“No, he doesn’t!” I argue.

“Meow :)” the white kitty counters.  A placid purr rings into the air as he winds both front and hind legs around your left arm.  

“He’s completely bonded to you!” Lila marvels.  “That’s so beautiful,” her lips ripple and I blink.  “Pure and utter love…”

A dry scoff coughs from my throat.  “Pure love, my ass.”

Kim JunMeow counters my argument by climbing up my arm and making his way up to bump his nose against mine.

“See!! That’s a sign he loves and trusts you,” Lila claps her hand together and concludes, “Yep, you gotta keep him for the rest of his life!!”  

“No!  No no!” I frantically shake my head and reject such foretelling.  “Lila, wait!  DON’T LEAVE ME WITH THIS CAT!”

“Hehehhee,” the silly girl giggles and waves goodbye.

Any efforts to run to her for help are prohibited by the clingy meow-face who has anchored his hind legs onto the edge of the kitchen counter and his front paws around my wrists like a handcuff.  He doesn’t let go until Lila’s completely out the door.  

“I hate you,” I mumble and slouch into the chair.  My forehead slams against the counter with miscalculate force that sends fire through my brain cells and the cat jolting up into the air.  Stars and happy rainbows revolve around my world.

“Me- Oww….” the kitty sulks and worriedly kneads my head.  I groan and blow concentrated air at my bangs.  A dark pinkish maroon already starts to form where my head contacted the marble surface.  I think I’m seconds from crying but instead, I get up to start typing my lab report.  

“Meow…meow…” my mortal enemy tails me but I completely ignore him.  

Seconds from completing my assignment, Kim JunMeow leaps up onto my lap, stands tall on his hind legs, and begins to rub my bruise with his paw.  

“Sta-staph!” I shout, with a mouthful of fur while attempting to move my mouse and click the save button before hours of hard work goes down to waste.  Click.  Click.  Click.  I struggle.  And then, the cat freezes; his pupils dilate.  Activating his hunter mode, he turns around and pounces on the computer mouse.

“NO! NO YOU, PABO!  THAT’S NOT A REAL MOUSE,” I bellow so loud, I swear neighbors at the other end of the hall could hear.  But my words don’t transfer into the feline’s ears.  Pounce.  He clicks and hits bull eye on the red “X".  Blood drains from my face as the screen goes blank.  

“KIM JUNMEOW!!” I shout.  

~

It’s been a week since Kim Junmyeon reentered my life and to be completely honest, everything felt like a dream.  A dream I had woken up from, memories still sharp and crisp but slowly fading away each second that time passed.  They say life moves on…even after having a random guy come barreling (naked) into your life.  Everything is back to normal…

Except Mr. Kim JunMeow and the fact that the parental units are onto something.  “When is he going to stop by and have this discussion, he promised?” My dad keeps interrogating me over the phone.  

“He’s busy,” my heart tries to stay afloat as I lie and literally lie back down onto the bed.  The nape of my head coincidentally lands on JunMeow’s fluffy warm body.  

“BUSY?!  Too busy to set things straight with his wife’s family?  Does he even love you?” my father’s quick and thoughtless words make my heart grow sour.  It’s not that I really felt the need for this stranger’s love; it’s more of the fact that the question was stated in a way where it made me doubt whether I would ever find that special someone who would love me despite my flaws.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, I run my slim fingers through my hair and say, “Dad, I’ll call you back later.  I have to study for my exam.”

My arms drop back against the bed, I roll over to my side.  The snow-colored feline peers over at me with his bright circular orbs.  Frowning, I play with his paws.  Interestingly enough, I’ve grown a liking to stroking those squishy little cat pads of his.  It is kinda…therapeutic in a way.

“I miss him…” I say my thoughts out loud.  

The cat straightens up as if interested in my one-person conversation.

I shake my head and frown.  It’s not even like we had a one-night-stand.  These feelings of longing are so uncalled for and are probably lies due to my own thirst for some testosterone…at least that’s what I try to tell myself.  I tap the quiet kitty’s pink nose.  

“What are you looking at?” I automatically say in a baby voice.

“Meoow,” he responds.

Again, I tap his wittle nose and absent-mindedly think out loud, “How could he just disappear without saying bye like that…coming and going without warning…”

“Meow…Meow…” the cat answers and tries to wrap both paws around my hand so I could pet him.  I pretend to resist the tension.

Instead, I tap his nose again.  “Why can’t you be him?” I say, both meaning it but not really meaning it because I didn’t actually think a cat would understand human language.  To my surprise, JunMeow straightens up and starts to bounce up and down on the bed as if in excitement.  

I raise my brow and giggle.  “You’re sucha weirdo…”

The familiar vibrations of a long purr hums into the air and he starts to nuzzle his fluffy head against my arm.  

“That wasn’t compliment!” I laugh but JunMeow continues to head butt me.  “You’re so cliiiingy…” I half-complain, half-laugh.  Finally, the over simulated kitty calms down, resting his bread loaf body right beside me.  He’s so, so soft, like a pillow, and warm like a personal heater.  Along with the soft drizzles of rain that platter against my window, my eyes begin to sway and I drift off to sleep.

Twenty-minutes passes by.  Awakened by the deafening thunder outside, I automatically curl myself into a protective ball.  The weight of warmth cradles me, bringing me deeper and deeper into the state of mediative consciousness.  Licking my lips, I whimper and stir.  My bed mate tightens his hold around me.  He’s so cozy and smells of springtime cherry blossom buds.  My body yearns for his touch, and closeness..closer than close.  Heated core and ticklish heart, I giggle in my semi-consciousness.  It’s the best sleep I’ve had in ages despite it having been barely a power nap.  Arms stretch out wide as I yawn.  Slowly but surely, my lashes flutter open.  Color blotches form back into pure imagery, painting the captivating outlines of my companion’s handsome face.  I let out a half giggle.

…

Wait…

“AHHHHHHH!!” I scream.  

As if history repeats itself, I discover myself tumbling off backward from my state of shock.  Only this time, my male companion hastily grabs onto me - one hand around my wrist and the other around my ankle.  I’m left with 2/3 of my body dangling over the mattress.  Gasping, I lift my head and roll my eyes all the way to my side to reaffirm my previous perception.  Milky white peach against my white sheets.  With a grunt, the fitspirational man yanks me back up onto the bed.  His strength causes my small frame to barrel over from the acceleration.  I face plant…centimeters from his exposed manly parts.  Eyes widen, hearts pace with turbulence.  If I so much as to move…

My concentrated breath inadvertently causes said male sex organ to naturally respond with delight.  I look up at Junmyeon, who looks down at me with soft but boiling eyes.  I gulp.  

“AHHH!” I cry and lift myself up, taking a blanket with me to obsessively wrap around my body.  WHY?!  I don’t know.  I was not naked.  HE WAS.  

Junmyeon blinks and I try my hardest to keep my gaze directly at his eyes and not down there, even though it’s tempting.

“WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS NAKED?!?!?!?” I toss a pillow at him and shout.  Again, priorities??  Shouldn’t the first question be, “WHY ARE YOU ON MY BED?  HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!?!”

“Oh…” the male obediently takes the pillow, covers himself up, and cluelessly says, “Sorry, I’m not used to being clothed.  Would you like me to put clothes on?”

“No!  I mean YES!” I choke and start to hack out coughs from overexerting my vocal cords.  

The caring Junmyeon tries to reach out to pat my back but I swat his hand away.  I point to my wardrobe and instruct, “CLOSET. PUT ON CLOTHES NOW!” before my ovaries implode on thy self, you sexy man.  

Nodding, he bounces off the bed to grab a shirt and a pair of pants.  I turn away and try my best to regain my composure.  He returns; his fingertips tickle my spine and I jolt.  Tenderly, he strokes my back.  I blink and tilt my head up to look at him while trying not to hack out a lung.

“Thirsty?” he asks and my blood runs cold because I think I’m busted.  “Let me get you a glass of water,” he elaborates and heads off to the kitchen.  As soon as he is gone, I release a deep inhale.  This week has just been too much for my fragile soul.  Fanning myself, I scan around the room and try my hardest to bring my body temperature down.  

“Dammit, Girl, can you not!” I grumble and scold myself when I part my legs and feel a familiar wetness.  

The sound of glass shattering douses out my fire.  Blinking, I get up and head over to the kitchen to access the situation.  Junmyeon had accidentally knocked a glass cup over and onto the floor.

“No!” I shout.  “Don’t pick it up with your bare hands,” the volume of my voice softens a bit.  Striding over to the storage cabinet, I grab the broom and dustpan and sweep up the shattered bits.

“Sorry,” the apologetic male pouts and scratches his head.

“You aren’t hurt, are you?” I inquire out of genuine concern.  He shakes his head.  With a sigh, I rub my belly and ask, “Have you eaten yet?”  Again, he shakes his head…and I’m almost glad, though, I try very hard not to show it.  Clearing my throat, I stroll over to the fridge and pull out a collection of gourmet styled fish.  I nearly never ever buy such high class food…what has gotten to me this week, only God knows.  Chewing on my lower lip, I serve him a plate.  

“Thanks,” he beams and claps his palms together in gratitude.  I muffle a giggle and cook a small portion for myself.  

“Don’t think it’s for you,” I half-lie, “I recently rescued a cat and he refuses to eat canned cat food…” I pause and spin my head around.  “Wha…what happened to…” Getting up, I did some preliminary search.  “Meow meow.  Crazy cat, come out.  You must be hungry…” I try to lure but he is no where to be seen.

Chuckling, Junmyeon forks a mouthful of food and chomps away.

“JUNMEOW-AH!” I yell.

“Ye-yes?!” the human stutters, startled by the volume of my call.

“Oh, not you.  My cat,” I correct.  He throws me an innocent stare.  “Heh…” I rub the back of my neck and explain, “I’m not very creative with names so I just named him JunMeow…I hope you don’t mind.”  With an amused grin, Junmyeon shakes his head.

Wait…why am I apologizing to an intruder.

Narrowing my eyes, I grab a fork and point it at him.  The innocent man raises both palms up on either side of his head.  “How did you get into my apartment?!  This is the second time!” I grill.

“I never left,” he honestly replies.

“What?” I blink.  

“You let me in,” Junmyeon reasons and turns back in his rolly chair to continue eating.  

“What are you even talking about…?” I scratch my head and take a seat across from him.  This mysterious man oddly enough didn’t scare me but instead made me feel frustrated and confused…

“I heard you missed me…” the handsome man nonchalantly states.  It causes me to choke on my food.  Fumbling, I grab a glass of water and chug it down.  No slick.  

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I turn away and nervously laugh.

The sweet and knowing grin on Junmyeon’s face causes me to blush.  I slap my hands over my face to hide it from him.  It only makes him beam in delight.  Unable to handle his striking presence that caused my head to whirl, I acknowledge that it’s time for me to go to class.  He nods.

“I’ll wait for you here,” he promises but I frown.

“You said that last time and you left,” I argue as I slip on my canvas shoes.

“No, I didn’t,” the strange man retorts and it’s so weird…he says it as if he isn’t lying.  

“Ye…yeah…well…even if you have to leave, can you leave me a note so I know you didn’t get mauled by my cat,” I chew my lip and slap the notepad on my fridge.  

Junmyeon smiles into his, “Sure,” and it’s so pretty and enchanting…I start to seriously wonder if he is not real and just an Angel sent from the Heavens.  That would explain why he vanishes and arrives back into my apartment without warning.  

“Where is that cat anyway…?” I mumble and bite my nails, a little sense of worry startles my heart but I conclude that JunMeow is probably hiding in one of my billion cardboard boxes and that I’d find him after I return.

Class is a nightmare, as always.  What is up with professors assigning twelve chapters to read anyway?  Are they instructors or schedulers - because at this point I am basically paying him 25k a semester to assign me to self-teach.  Grumpy and stressed, I skid-dadle down the block on my way home.  Rubbing my invisible beard, I purposefully take a different route, which passes by the local department store.  

“Clothes…clothes…” I murmur as I scan through the men’s section.  My feet get a little giddy; their clothes are always more practical anyway.  I grab a few graphic t-shirts and throw it into the cart.

“I love fish,” a shirt says with an adorable kitty graphic on it.  Giggling, I grab it and hold it out at an arm’s length to admire it.

“I think he’d like this one…” I grin and add it to the cart.  From the pants rack, I chose a navy blue and black pair of sweats.  It is at the undergarment section, where I have a hard time.  I mean…it isn’t a necessity…I am already clothing and fed him free of charge.  And yet…it is absolutely necessary.  An image of the large bulge flashes through my mind and I shake myself to snap out of it.  Simple pants left little to imagination, we needed another layer of protection.

Biting my lip, I ponder, “What size does he wear though…?”  I compare a medium and a large of the same plaid boxers and then murmur, “Large, he’s definitely a large.”

As soon as I push open the door, I am gifted with the lovely face of Kim Junmyeon.  He’s seated on the sofa, playing with the tassels of a pillow.  Smiling, I place the shopping bag next to him.  

“What is this?” his puzzled expression read.  

“Open it!” I encourage.

With a nod, he reaches in and starts to pull out the clothes.  I’m like a teenage girl nervously fidgeting and wondering if her crush likes the chocolate she made for him for Valentine’s Day.  I mean I don’t show it - of course not…but my heart palpitates like there’s no tomorrow.  

A gasp escapes from Junmyeon’s lips as they twitch upright.  It warms my heart at how happy he looked to receive the gift and I come to the conclusion that with his sad past and confession about how he was used to eating scraps and not having clothes to wear, that he probably couldn’t afford them.  It isn’t that my family is well-off - in fact, only God knows how I would pay off my student loans…but I thought I needed to help this man.  

“Do you like them?”

“I love them!” he cheers and holds the cat one up to his body with a cute kitten grin across his face.  He then rummages through the bag and pulls out the boxers.  

“Heh…” I anxiously rub my neck, “I’ll go shopping with you next time.  I didn’t know your size…”

“What are they?” the clueless man surprises me by inquiring as he holds the briefs up in the air.  He pokes two fingers out through the center hole and frowns.

I blink.

“Um…they’re boxer shorts…”

“Boxer shorts…?”

“Yeah…men wear them to protect their…you…know…” I mumble.

“OH!” Junmyeon nods and relieves me from my awkward explanation.  But then, he proceeds to slip them over his pants.  I plant my face into my palms.  

“Um…they’re worn on the inside,” I explain.  “You wear that first and then the pants.”

“OH!” the young man nods and starts to slip off his pants.  

Immediately, I snap my eyes shut and hold both hands out to stop him.  “BATHROOM!  GO BATHROOM. AND DO IT!” I struggle to form sentences.

A sharp exhale releases from my throat as soon as he’s gone.  He’s a part-time nudist.  I am 100% sure of that.  No other human in this world would so casually strip down, especially not in front of the opposite sex.  Junmyeon returns, fully dressed and I throw him two thumbs up.  With his cheesy grin, he digs into and empties the shopping bag.  

“Oh, those are for my cat,” I answer his unasked question and take the two kitty toys from his hand.  Grinning, I shake the plastic ball, letting the bell jingle to alert the residential troublemaker.  “JunMeow-ah~  Come out, come out, Kitty.  You must be starving by now…” I say.  

The male, beside me, shocks me by grabbing onto my hand that incased the cat toy with both his palm.  His eyes gloss over with excitement.  I blink and shake my wrist within his grasp.  Junmyeon bounces with glee on the couch.

Ignoring him, I scan the premise again for the missing feline.  “Have you seen my cat?” I question.

Junmyeon stares at me…or maybe my hand.

“He’s white, fluffy, and soft…” I try to be descriptive but the preoccupied man  doesn’t respond.  With a pout, I toss the ball onto the couch and head over to the computer to do my homework.  “Good…he ran away and should never come back again,” I murmur, though my chest starts to grow heavy with worry.  Out of my sight, Junmyeon pounces onto the lattice toy, pushing it side to side with his cupped palms.  A cheerful and toothy grin spreads across his face.  

Groaning, I flip through pages in my textbook as if they had heavily offended me.  Lashes swaying and head held upright with my hand, I try my best to stay awake because this report isn’t going to finish itself.  But the document has been the length of two sentence for the last hour.  Eyeing me from the sofa, Junmyeon witnesses my head totter, first in a half-circle.  He starts to make his way toward me as the totters spin a full 360 degrees.  And fluffy sheep starts to parade in front of me.  Energy rids itself from my body and I’m sent free falling sideways from my chair.  Widened eyes, Junmyeon races over and catches my head just in the nick of time.  Gingerly, he straightens me back up.  I mumble some incoherent words, which either expressed my struggles with my Chemistry class or my worry about my missing cat.  I’d only admit to the former.  

Chuckling softly, the strong man lifts me up and carries me to my bed.  He pulls the blankets and tucks me in cozily into my cocoon.  I whimper as he strokes my temple.  

“I’m right here…” he answers my worry.  

In the morning, I wake up to a magically finished lab report and JunMeow nestled against the croak of my neck.  Plitter platters of rain drizzle against my windows.  On the table, a post it note reads, “See you in person again the next time it rains.”

I frown noticing the shopping bag of clothes on my sofa.  JunMeow follows me and lets out a soft, “Meow?” as if asking me, “What’s wrong?”  Scrunching my nose, I lift the kitty up into my arms and say, “He’s a nudist.  I’m so sure of it.”

“Meow~” the kitty grumbles and plays with the toy ball in his paws.  Carrying him, I head into the kitchen.  

“You must be starving…” I observe and chuck some nice boiled fish, scrambled eggs, and some veggies into his dish with one hand.  

“Meow!!!” he leaps out of my arms to enjoy his meal.  

Unknowingly, I lean against the kitchen counter and sigh in relief.  I nudge the happy kitty’s bum with my toe and interrogate, “Do you have a lover or something?  Why do you keep running away?”

“Nom nom nom,” JunMeow ignores me and continues munching on his food.

“Do I need to get you neutered?” I half-heartedly remark as I go off to heat my own dinner.

The feline jerks his head up; his eyes enlarge into golf balls.  

A/N: hehehe Junmyeon + girl are such an odd and silly couple.  Junmyeon’s cluelessness only adds to the effect ;p

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