Guys this isn’t my usual sort of thing but it’s been a gradual sort of understanding that it is not unlawful to write about one’s sorrow and that maybe sometimes it’s even okay to let someone else see it.
Wildfire in Her Last Five Weeks
She has thrashed out a hollow in the wheatgrass.
A hollow like the hollow around a cow’s carcass pounded down
by coyote tracks and wireclaws of ravens and
the parhelion dust halo
that shawls an unsown corpse.
She is not a carcass yet. But nearing it.
Her germinating bones strain up for the light.
She flails her hairskinned head against the ground.
My daughter (nine) has never seen a dying horse
but needs no one to tell her to fling her sapling weight across a sorrel-painted neck
and try to pin it there.
Watch your feet. I am going to get water. Get out of her way if she tries to stand up. Babe, will you be home soon? I am out at the end of the alfalfa field with four babies and our good mare who has lost so much weight in a week I cannot stand to look straight at her. She cannot get up. It is starting to rain. I cannot get her up.
You’re like a pioneer! they tell me.
What this means is that I lie beside the dying thing alone.
I tell the babies to look the other way.
A week.
Flunixin gouged up past her teeth and jetted onto her tongue does not stop her febrile trembling quickly enough.
I have to go, he says
We’re weaning heifers at the feedyards
Maybe try to vein her, I don’t know.
If you put it in an artery you’ll kill her.
I love you. I’m sorry. You’ll have to figure it out.
I get the babies started on their phonics and
pull up a YouTube video on my phone.
Occlude the vein
See how it bulges?
The middle third of the neck is where the artery is deepest.
Roll the bevel away from yourself.
Getting through the skin is where it hurts so
do it fast.
There are entire channels video after video of satisfying haircuts cake decorating slime smooth textures Japanese chefs cleaving perfect watermelon bowls that man who makes dragons and dishwashers out of chocolate here is someone freehanding a perfect straight line with a stylus ingrown hair removal ASMR and none of them as breathtaking as a flash of blood wrung dark of oxygen that blossoms into the barrel of a ten-cc syringe drawn up to the seven with clear delaying banamine.
She starts to have a few good days. Is she getting better? Hard to tell. She drags the stifled leg still. Her strip-face filly tries to suck. Must be getting something, or her money-colored hair would roughen and her belly swell with air.
Sometimes the paint mare lies down and can’t rise and so she wears a cracked and adipose-deep
ulcer over every nailsharp point of jaw and hock and pelvis
boring down against the ground.
We have to throw a halter rope around her feet and heave her over the ridge
of her thin-coated spinous processes
so she can get her sound leg underneath her
and ratchet herself standing
one more time.
He says, I probably ought to shoot her. She’s not getting better. It’s fixing to get cold and then what? We have to be realistic about this. It’s hard to watch her suffer.
I get belligerent and rally to the standard. More NSAID, more sixty-dollar supplemented showhorse grain we can’t afford, more vitamin B injections (it leaks in rusty runnels down her fatless neck because intramuscular only works when the muscle is not atrophied to ribbons).
I flew to see my dad in March when he woke smothered soundless by
whatever Adam-remnant we knew already had assailed
into his lungs and kidneys.
Lesions on the frontal lobe. They had not yet occluded shut his verbal pathways.
And in all these things Job did not sin with his mouth.
I sat beside him on the white-columned Everglade porch. The skin of his throat had stretched out baggy and unshaven since Christmas when sixty pounds of his big lanky body lain down for us joyful and ungrumbling and unwithheld for thirty-some sweet gentle-humored years had not yet dripped away into the coyote-waste.
He says he wants to grow it out, my mother said.
The shape inside was still the same.
It formed that same old rumbling laugh when I read to him a paragraph of
Ruth Stout being snarky about newfangled gardening practices.
Two nights later it was his turn to read to me, before he crept to bed in a Tampa Bay hotel room.
In the morning I would wing back to the wind-gaunted wheat prairies and he
would ride a rented wheelchair
up a cement ramp once more into the
breach of beveled needles and wafer skin spanned
too thin across acromion bones.
Tried believer, thy Lord hath a tear-bottle in which the costly drops of scared grief are put away, and a book in which thy holy groanings are numbered. By and by, thy holy suit shall prevail. Canst thou not be content to wait a little? Will not the Lord’s time be better than thy time?
Every magpie doesn’t have a coyote but every coyote has a magpie.
I know the morning the zinnias freeze to rustles what the tailbirds tattering out over the corral-fence have come to tell me.
I cannot find a vein this time. The anatomy is different when a horse is lying down. I keep having to leap aside when she rears high hindquarter-beached and thunder-hearted and fracks her sixty-pound head against the frozen ground.
The dormant alarms on my phone are still labeled for morphine and Haldol on rotation every two hours and have been for a year.
There is no hair left on the right side of her face.
Merciful Father, deliver us quickly from this.
Death is like childbirth, labor upon narrowing necessary labor. Good job, I said to him, my cheek on the same pillow, you are doing good work. Not long now. It’s been a lot of work. It’s okay to be done. You are doing good work.
I printed it and pinned it on the wall above the hospice bed:
Defeated, outmaneuvered fool! Did you mark how naturally—as if he had been born for it—the earthborn vermin entered the new life? All his doubts became, in the twinkling of an eye, ridiculous…
31 notes
·
View notes
When you know ,you're having fresh meals cooked by organic products like #mustardoil #ghee #sesameoil #virgincoconutoil #blackseedoil #mixfruitshoney #blackseedhoney you will feel good . Having organic food always have been best choice for human body and soul. Our plan is to remove all the contaminated products from your daily needs. Dive into the organic ocean. Be our guest, get the best. The benefits of using organic products such as : #MustardOil : #pure mustard oil and #essentialoils oil may reduce inflammation and pain, slow cancer cell growth , and enhance the #hairskin and health.Both can also be diluted with a carrier oil and applied topically in massage oils, facemask , and hair treatments and many more . #ghee : A rich source of vitamins A ,D , E and K, ghee helps to boost your #ImmunitySystem , promotes gut health ,keeps your hair and skin healthy and lubricantes joints. Ghee also helps in #weightloss . #purehoney : Honey is a great source of antioxidants,which help in fighting free radicals. It has also #antibacterial and #antifungals properties and is known to be good for coughs and cold . #blackseedhoney : Blackseedhoney have many substantial amounts of vegetables protein, fiber , minerals and vitamins. They also contain numerous aminos acids, including glutamate , arginine and aspartate. #sesameoil : High in antioxidants,sesame oil contains sesamol and sesaminol , two antioxidants that may have powerful effects on your health. It has many health benefits such as Good for heart , help to reduce blood sugar ,help to heal wounds and burns and so many countless health benefits. #virgincoconutoil: Contains healthy fatty acids.Coconut oil is high in certain saturated fats.#Boosthearthealth ,encourage reduce #fatburn ,reduce #hunger and protect your skin ,hair and teeth. We sourced them from reliable places and packed them carefully and deliver to your doorstep. We don't believe in food adulteration we believe in purity. Call for order at +8801870346803 + 8801912030437 Visit our Facebook page at :Facebook.com/Guestdhk We do deliver to all locations at Dhaka https://www.instagram.com/p/CJ-T2fRhePb/?igshid=wiqiopby7y25
0 notes
Meninas, hoje venho trazer uma resenha dos recebidos da loja @maxinutrioficial. Recebi um potinho com as cápsulas para HAIRSKIN & NAILS FEMME, muito pedidas por vocês em meu Instagram, que contém as seguintes nutrientes: Silicio orgânico, responsável pela sintese do colágeno tipo l e Elastina. Vitaminas A, D e ácido fólico, atuam na renovação celular. Vitamina C, fundamental para a formação de colágeno, que associado à gelatina dão sustentação à pele. Vitaminas B2 e B3, que reduzem a oleosidade facial, evitando a formação de cravos e acne (agravada pelo ciclo menstrual). Biotina, Vitaminas B5, B12, selenio e zinco, que reduzem a queda de cabelo e auxiliam no crescimento dos mesmos. E o melhor NÃO ENGORDA. Super indico esse remédio, desde que tomei, sinto meus cabelos e unhas mais fortes e saudáveis. Recebi também o CELLUCONTROL Green Coffee. Que é a fórmula à base de café verde, colina, picolinato de cromo, silicio, vitaminas, minerais e antioxidantes. Ativador da micro-circulação, reduzindo os processos inflamatórios e retenção de líquidos, melhorando o aspecto da pele e os efeitos da celulite. Aumento da produção de colágeno e elastina promovendo firmeza e elasticidade da pele. Esse eu ainda estou em fase de teste meus amores, mas em breve conto os resultados para vocês. Recebi também quatro amostras de colágeno, no sabor original, uva verde, frutas vermelhas e chocolate. Podem ser usados com sua bebida preferida, proporciona cabelo, pele, unhas e articulações mais fortes e saudáveis. Super indico, é maravilhoso, sempre misturo com leite e fica ótimo. Recebi também uma vitamina para homens NUTRICAPS TESTO e HAIRSKIN E NAILS MEN, que o meu namorado está usando e amando. Recebi umas amostras do Viricaps, que é um vitalizante e energético físico e mental. Recebi amostra do Silouet Thermo, que é um termogênico e emagrecedor, que acelera o metabolismo e queima de gordura. E por último a amostra do Silouet absolute Control, ação termogênica, aumenta o consumo de calorias reduzindo a gordura localizada, reduz o desejo por massas e doces. Super indico todos os produtos da marca, ele contam com vários outros suplementos maravilhosos e também o Shake diet week, que estou querendo resenhar para vocês também! Maxi Nutri arrasa em todos os produtos, vale super a pena comprar, e você verá os resultados. Muito obrigada @maxinutrioficial, amei o meu kit!!! www.maxinutri.com.br Instagram: @maxinutrioficial E-mail:
[email protected] Telefone: +55 (43) 3274-5262
1 note
·
View note