#hahaha it’s 9am and I haven’t slept

[sometimesraven]

Anyway universe I would like my trauma based therapy breakthrough realisations to happen NOT at like 5am next time pls thank you

[sulokkk]

VIETNAM

I love Vietnam! Although in my research they were mostly mistaken as rude. Well I haven’t experience pa naman sa dalawang beses kong visit. Hindi ka lang talaga nila papatawirin. Hindi uso ung pedestrian lane. I mean uso naman pero hindi katulad sa Pinas na PedXing is Pedxing. The first time we crossed the street we were all running for our lives. Also, you are an instant millionaire! OhmyG yung Pho and BahnMi along the streets! Ka-miss!

Favorite ko yung Danang and Hoi An. Di ko na i detailed yung price neto. Masakit sa bangs. Next trip promise!  

I remember vividly how we came up with this trip. It was in January when we were in a bus to Cu Chi tunnels. Yes, in Vietnam! Clark showed me a photo of the golden hand bridge in Bana hills. He asked me if we could drop by. Upon mabilisang research, I’ve confirm that we needed a plane ride to be there. And, we will only be in Vietnam for the next 48 hours since we will go to Cambodia after. Then the desire grew. 

A month after we booked a flight to Hanoi. 

June 29 (Day 01)  

Napansin ko all Cebpac flights to Vietnam starts at 10PM everyday. We arrived at Hanoi around 1AM. The weather was humid. Parang Pinas. We immidiately booked grab, affordable naman kasi kaya malakas loob naming mag grab. We stayed at Ellogia Rusta in Ho Kiem District Hanoi.

Ellogia Rusta: It is cheap! No free breakfast. The rooms have a small balcony where you could smoke. They were helpful specially with the tours and transfers. 

So that morning also, sabak na agad sa tour. Hapit sa oras e. I booked a Nimh Binh tour. They said it is like Halong bay in land. Kaso Bes sobrang init. Nag boat kami na may nagsasagwan na nakababad sa araw. Parang Elnido rock formation ung paligid. We’ve been to quite alot of places. Nakapag bike din kami and nakaakayat sa mountain. Di ko na nakuha ung bet kong pose. Sobrang init di ko na kaya. Sabi nila parang naging location daw yun ng movie. I forgot if it was Godzilla? We hurried back to Hanoi. We informed our tour guide na we have a flight to Danang. 

We flew to Danang and Checked in to Queen’s Finger Hotel. 

Queen’s Finger: Sobrang sulit! We got a room for Php 1,775/night( divided by 2). Sobrang sulit!! The ambiance, the facility and the breakfast. Pang 5 star talaga. Yung mirror nila sa banyo automatic. Manghang mangha ako hahah! Yung ppol nila sa rooftoop infinity pool. Yung breakfast nila from local food like Pho to western to chinese. Name it! They have it. 

June 30 (Day02)

We started Day 02 with the hotel’s free buffet. Syempre naman! And then we waited for the tour. We went to Bana Hills. Where the golden hand was found. Yung main reason bat kami nagpunta dito. It was surreal. The feeling and the experience! Para ka talagang nasa ibang bansa. I booked the tour from Danang Green. Local tour provider sila. Nalimot ko na how much we paid. Pero alam ko around Php1,500 - P1,800. RT transfers (Hotel-Bana Hills-Hotel + Entrance fee). I must say cheap na sya. 

When we arrived at Bana hills, chaotic! Daming tao. Tourist spot talaga sya e. What mesmerized me was the cable car! 30 minutes ride paakyat. Yung castle and the main theme park was located sa taas. So no other way but to ride the cable car. And it is included sa entrance. Di mo mamalayan yung oras! And then we ate at a Japanese Buffet for lunch. At ang bilis na ng pangyayari. The tour guide left us. Buti na lang madami silang car sa vicinity so sinali na kami sa ibang grupo para bumalik. Di ko pa nasulit ung buong theme Park. Pero one day babalik ako tapos dun naman mag check in sa tuktok. They have a hotel at the top of the mountain! 

Our original itinerary for this night is to have dinner and then go to the bridge na bumubuga ng apoy at 8PM on weekends. 

We had Dinner at Ngon VIlla. Wala masyadong tao pero reservation is required I guess. I reseved months ahead. Its a fine dining buffet restaurant. At ang sarap ng mga food!  Its a little pricey tho, so I asked the manager (na Pinoy) if they surprise my friend. May celebration lang para di kami ma guilty. HAHA! And awkward BWAHHAA

Dahil busog na kami tinamad na kami puntahan yung bridge na bumubuga ng apoy. Which by the way can be seen from out hotel naman. So we decided to swim. Capping the night with a beer with Danang view. Ahhhh! Relaxing! 

July 1 (Day 03) 

The next morning we had breakfast. And we wnet back to our hotel room to pack again since we will go to Hoi An. Another city. We should check the city pala before checking out sana kaso Clark is a it under the weather so he slept. While I walked alone papunta sa beach. Which is by the way 2-3 minute walk lang from our hotel. Ang ganda ng beach nila. Hindi maganda ung tubig and I didn’t swim pero gusto ko yung may buildings and may sand na magkatabi. Naglakad lang ako ang naghabol ng mga pigeons. hahaha

We checked out and booked grabe to Hoi An. Malapit lapit lang naman. We check-in at the Eath Villa. 

The Earth Villa: Grabe to!! The room is so relaxing the vibe! And we got for P1,100 per night with breakfast. 

We ate lunch at a hotel in front of our villa. Medyo Afternoon na yun. The plan was to go to Hoi An. Pero tinatamad si Clark. Dahil ata malapit na ung birthday nya kaya sya nilalagnat nung mga panahong yan. Nag-bike ako magisa to old town. Medyo malayo tsaka madilim yung daan pero tolerable main highway naman. Grabe! Worht the pagod, sobrang ganda sa old town. Madilim na romantic. Eto yung gusto kong balikan sa Danang talaga huhu!  

July 2 (Day 04)

Original Plan: Checked out and go on a Hue Tour. Ride a sleeper train from Hue to Hanoi at night. 

Tunay na nangyari: Nag extend ng another night. Nagbook ng early morning flight the next day to Hanoi. Natulog maghapon. We planned to go back to Old town that night kaso umulan. 

July 3 (Day 05) 

Original Plan: Overnight cruise at Halong Bay Tuna na nangyari: We fought. 

We arrived at Hanoi ng 9AM. Per months research, 4 hours and minimum from airport to Halong. Pero sabi sa grab nya kaya daw dumating ng 12:30PM. The cruise will sail at 11:45AM. Basta do the math. I’ve decided na bumalik na lang sa Hanoi. While he is frustrated kasi kaya naman daw. Sobrang galit na galit sya. He didn’t talk to me or ate in the past 24 hours sa galit. 

Lesson learned: Learn to compromise self.  Willing nga syang mag compromise kahit walang datnan basta tinry. I should have seen that bago kami magbook ng flight a day before. 

Ayun, baka last na namin to. HAHA

Btw, we booked a different hotel. 

July 3 (Day 05)

Original Plan: Check out and then do city tour.  Tunay na nangyari: Checked out and stayed at the Airport 13 hours before our flight. Imagine! And its my fault I know! HAHAH

Overall it was a good trip, minus the away. Nagkabati naman kami when we arrived in Manila. If I would be given a chance, balik akong Danang and Hoi An. I would also want to gift Clark a Halong Bay cruise, utang ko sa kanya yun. hahaha 

[dumparchivesblog]

I haven’t really been productive this weekend and has been binge watching series on Netflix the entire day. As in the minute I wake up the first thing I’d open on my phone or laptop would be Netflix. Pero I slept early last night like before 11PM and yes maaga na yun for me because I usually sleep at 1 or 2 in the morning pero idk why but I still woke up around 9am ish. I really wanna be productive today and do some work. I actually have a pending task for a logo so I should be working on it today. Thursday pa siya binigay pero I wasn’t in the mood to do it so hinayaan ko nalang muna. But I swear to finish it today.

Also checking out on pen tablets sa lazada cos I really need one, like ngayon yung gustong style ng client is medyo hand drawn so kailangan ko nalang gawan ng paraan in the meantime. Iniisip ko kung yung One by Wacom or Intuos Draw ba kukunin ko e, yung draw kasi may navigation/hot keys sa mismong tablet, tapos almost half din kasi yung difference ng price nila and medyo tight budget ako ngayon. We’ll see. Di ko naman kailangan ng fancy and mahal na tablet but I want a good one.

Actually may pera naman ako, pero as much as possible ayoko galawin yung nasa savings account ko. Savings nga e ‘diba hahaha lol mahirap kasi yung puro labas ng pera dapat may pumapasok din. Yung nababawas lang dun is for my insurance kasi naka-auto debit. Pag may pumapasok sa paypal ko, iniisplit ko na agad yun kunwari half savings, half allowance ko yun lang iwiwithdraw ko and dapat ‘di ako mag exceed dun. Ayoko yung thinking na meron naman akong mabubunot anytime so okay lang gumastos once in a while. And my credit card, I only use it for grocery nowadays. Tapos ko na bayaran yung laptop ko thank god! Kumbaga minus na siya sa monthly ‘expenses’ and bayarin ko. So ayun, anyway. I’ll start with my work already :-)

[glassmaker04]

[Fic] Fragments of Memories

Title: Fragments of Memories

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia

Pairing: Erasermight l Allmight x Eraserhead / Yagi Toshinori x Aizawa Shouta

Warning: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Notes: Still waiting for AO3′s invitation T^T. Sorry for the delay, many things came up this week and I didn’t have enough time to sit down and write (even sleep...) but here it is! Please enjoy!

Thank you everyone who’s reading. I’m appreciated.

Ps. I’m not a English speaker. I’m sorry in advance for wrong grammars.

Part 3: Old routine, New routine

Toshinori’s Memories

Yagi Toshinori had a very simple routine. Woke up at 6, showered, dressed, ate at 7, went to work at a local cafe. His shift was 9am-5pm, ate lunch with coworkers, did his duties, went to supermarket before going home, made dinner, ate alone, read a bit or watched the news and went to bed. These had repeated 2 years now, he didn’t complain about his life. He was contented.

But deep down, he was lonely...truly lonely.

But after he met Aizawa 3 weeks ago, his routine had completely changed. He woke up at 6, fed Maru (Aizawa insisted keeping Maru, no handing to the Adoption center like he planned to.), showered, dressed, cooked for 2 and packed a lunch for Aizawa (Aizawa still couldn’t move around much), ate with Aizawa while they had small conversation, went to work, ate lunch with coworkers before checking on Aizawa by phoned, did his duties, went to supermarket, made dinner (with sounds of the news Aizawa’s watching), ate with Aizawa and Maru, talked to Aizawa or read a book while Aizawa’s working on his computer (very confusing with codes) and slept (Aizawa insisted slept on the sofa).

Everything he did now had Aizawa in it. He’s not alone like he used to.

Even Though he was well aware of Aizawa’s past. He could tell by his guts that Aizawa would bring bad news to him but he didn’t care. He liked talking to the young man. He was smart, quick-wit, had a strange sense of humor and a soft heart under his cold appearance.

He felt complete when Aizawa’s around him.

After the despaired accident, finally he was happy...truly happy.

“Umm, is that my coffee?” a lady customer asked when Toshinori held her cup too long. Toshinori blinked couple times, realizing he just lost in his thoughts.

“Oh sorry! here you are.” the barista gave a fake smile, felt embarrassed.

“Oi Toshinori, what’s on your mind? You’ve been distracted many times lately.” his coworker, Nishiya Shinji, used his elbow teasing him a bit.

“Nothing.” Toshinori felt his face was warmer, tried to keep himself busy as best as he could. He automatically mixed a next order.

“Ahh~ Have you been dating with someone?” another woman, Takeyama Yu, glared at the older man with her watchful eyes.

“No! absolutely not.” Toshinori surely felt the rushing warm both on his cheeks and chest. It was hard to hide his face.

“Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen you calling and talking very sweet to someone after lunch, Aiko or something.” Yu blurted out, almost spilled the drink she’s making.

“I didn’t do that! His name’s Aizawa-kun and he’s staying with me. I just wanted to check on him if he eats on time.” Toshinori’s trying so hard to keep compose even though he wasn’t good at it.

“By calling everyday? Is he your...son?” Shinji asked this time, eyes still locked at his older coworker, never knew that the man was married.

“No, I don’t have one. He’s...he’s my cousin.” Toshinori lied. The first time in so many years.

“Oh? I thought you don’t have any relatives.” Yu said, handed the drink to the customer.

“He just moved in.” Toshinori finished his drink and handed to customer as well. He hurried to the counter.

“Next, please.” He said quickly the to next customer in the line. His other two coworkers knew immediately that this conversation had ended.

“Okay, I’m not gonna buy that Toshinori-san. I know it when you’re lying.” Shinji said while Yu made a small laugh. Toshinori pretended he didn’t hear that.

As usual, Toshinori did call Aizawa between lunch break. He hid himself in the back of the cafe, made sure that no one saw him this time. His long thump dialed to the younger man at his home quickly, never knew he had a smile on his lips.

“Hello Aizawa-kun, how are you doing?”

/Same...bored and sleepy./ a mumble sound answering at the end of the line made Toshinori smiled wider.

“Did you eat lunch yet?”

/Not yet but soon, don’t worry. What about you? Have you coughed? I heard you coughed last night though, didn’t want to ask in the morning while you seemed to enjoy humming in the kitchen./

“I’m fine! Haven’t co-” didn’t even finish the sentence. The older man bloody cough through the phone.

/Ah, I should talk to Chiyo-san tonight. She’s coming, isn’t she?/ Toshinori cleared his throat before saying.

“Yes, she’s coming to see your wound though, not mine.”

/I still want to talk to her./  

“Haha, thank you Aizawa-kun. You’re kind.” the younger man was quiet a couple minutes before answering.

/...No, I just want my beauty sleep. You’ve kept me waking up at night./ a soft voice sounded cold, but Toshinori still felt warm in his chest.

Aizawa-kun, you’re really carring inside.

“Don’t forget to eat lunch then. It’s your favorite salmon.”

/I will, Yagi-san./

“Oh, I’ll stopped by a mall before heading home. Do you need more clothes? Or anything else?”

/No, thank you. I bought me too many things I need including this mobile phone./

“Really? I thought it too few.” there was a beat from the end of the line, then Aizawa said.

/Just come home quickly, so I’m not bored and hungry./ somehow that cold tone made Toshinori smiling wider than before. He unconsciously play with his bangs hair.   

“Hahaha, I will Aizawa-kun. I will.”

/See you then, bye./ with that, Aizawa hung up. Toshinori looked at his phone and already felt the drum sound pounding inside.

Come home…

“You’re really nice, Aizawa-kun.” He muttered to himself, a small smile still on his lips.

After his shift ended, Toshinori hurried to the mall and bought things from supermarket. There were enough for two people, beef, vegetables, toothpaste, shampoo, soap and oh! cats food. Of course, he had to paid double but he didn’t care. He actually felt good about it.

When Toshinori walked back, humming along the way, he saw his apartment from afar. The light from his room was on. The tall man had stopped both of walking and humming, stunned. He just blinked hard before looked at that light for a long long time as if he never saw his own apartment before. A warm and longing feeling swirled inside his body, rushing through his spine like the electricity. Suddenly he felt whole and complete like he truly belonged here for the first time.

So this is what it’s like, when you had someone’s waiting for you.

“I’m home.” Toshinori opened the front door, greeted by a purr sound from Maru who already tangled his legs.

“You’re late!” Aizawa shouted from the living room. Toshinori let out a laugh before apologising to the young man. His heart’s full of warmness while listening a long complaint from the younger man. It was the best thing ever happened in his life.

“Why you’re laughing!? There’s nothing funny!”

“You’re funny, Aizawa-kun.” Toshinori smiled wider, dodged a pillow from Aizawa and finally put a pink arporn on, began to prepare their dinner.

If his life’s going to be like this everyday, he could live with it.

He could live with Aizawa-kun like this.

He couldn’t think of something or someone else...

.

.

.

.

Shouta’s Memories

The black hair man was running fast on a road, almost spilled his coffee. He looked down at his watch every 2 minutes, checking if he could make it in time. Aizawa Shouta was never ever late and he was proud of that fact. There was no way that today could ruin his reputation. He gasped hard when he reached the school’s gate before walking in with other students.

Some students greeted him, a bit of scared. He only nodded his head back to them, eyes blinked blanky while wondered what classes he taught them (maths or physic?). Shouta’s still working on memorizing his students even though he mostly forgot at the end of the day. This was a part of his job now. He was alright with it.

When thinking back, Shouta’s old life was like a dream. Working at a software company almost 24 hours a day, he barely ate or slept. Even on the weekend, he opened his computer and worked, worked, worked. He was fine with it, got a good salary and OT. He liked being busy anyway.

Yet he was lonely...very lonely.

Something was missing...

“That’s it for today, I would like you all to do the exercises from page 45 to 50. Hand me next class.” Shouta said quickly while gathering all his notes and exercise sheets, pretended not to hear cry voice from the students.

“Sensei! Let me help you carry these.” a green hair boy spoke up, beside him was a boy worn glasses. Shouta glared at them, thinking hard.

Red shoes...Midoriya Izuku

Glasses boy...Iida Tenya

“Thanks...Mi...Midoriya...Ii...Iida.” He almost whispered the boys name which just made both of them looked at him with wider eyes.

“Your welcome Sensei!” two students suddenly shouted. Shouta felt his face was warmer, then he rushed to the door.   

Shouta didn’t expect to see the happy face from his students. While he’d worked at the software company, he didn’t care much about his coworkers. He only talked to them about works, nothing else. He didn’t care how their life was nor their faces. But here in UA, he somehow felt that it was very important to get to know all the kids to, of course, improve their calculating foundations.

“You did care for them, Shouta!” his friend, Mic or Yamada Hizashi had said to him on the third day of his teaching when he saw Shouta read through all the names list in teacher lounge.

“I don’t, just don’t want to see them fail the final exam.” he answered with cold voice.

“Ahhh~ Finally done of the day~” as soon as Shouta walked in the teacher room, he heard his friend whined.

“Thank you, you two.” Shouta said as the kids put down his papers on the desk. The boys said goodbye before left the room. Mic grinned after saw that little scene.

“You’re improving! Nice to see that.” Shouta glared, hated that face.

“Shut it.”

Yamada Hizashi, aka Mic, was Shouta’s friend from University. They incidentally had the same English class in his first year and this man had never left him alone since then.

“You’re done? Wanna get a drink?”

“No, I’m going to grade these papers and then I’ll go home.”

“Ahhh~ home, you say?” Mic just gave that stupid grinned which Shouta hated.

“Shut it!”     

Shouta didn’t know how his life was like this. Woke up at 6.30, showered and dressed, bought coffee and some pastries on a way to school. Be at his desk at 8am sharp, ate breakfast while memorizing all the teachers from his notebook before read through his schedule and teaching plan, prepared his lesson and went to class, had lunch with Mic and Nemuri, had afternoon class, graded papers and went home.

Well, he didn’t exactly head home, he dropped by a homey restaurant ‘Allmight Alright!’ at 7pm sharp. He’d done this 3 weeks now, just to order his favorite grilled salmon set. Shouta’s somehow familiar with the test and he loved it.

And that man was there…

Before Shouta knew what’s happening around him, he was already in front of Allmight Alright!. He stood there, looked at the sign and wondered what kept him coming back.

Yagi-san was here.

Shouta saw the older man’s speaking with his student, Midoriya, seriously instructing something to the boy. The teacher’s looking at them with awe, still wondering if he could talk to man. He didn’t want to admit that he liked talking to the older man...very much. Yagi was nice, warm heart and very caring to others. Sometimes, Shouta felt nostalgic being around with Yagi even though the older man said they knew each other very briefly 10 years ago.

“Welcome sensei!” a girl greeted him by surprised made him jumped a bit.

“You can call me Aizawa-san when we’re out of school...U...Uraraka, right?”

“Yes! Aizawa-sensei!” Ochako eagerly answered with smile. Shouta let out a soft sigh when he heard ‘Sensei’ word. Ochako turned around and saw that his usual seat was taken.

“Umm…do you mind sitting a differ-” suddenly a new voice cut the girl, made the teacher turned his head.

“I’ll take care of it, Uraraka-kun” suddenly a new low voice spoke from behind.

Shouta’s stunned, froze when saw a man with a warm smile on his face. He somehow forgot how to breath near the owner of Allmight Alright! He didn’t know why and he didn’t intend to get the answer, not yet.

“Yes owner!” Ochako gave a bow before left the two.

“Welcome back Aizawa-kun”

“Hello, Yagi-san.”

“Looks like it’s crowded today. You can go eating in my office if you like.” Yagi-san pointed at the back, already knew what Shouta would prefer.

“Is that okay?”

“Of course! I offer and the salmon is ready!”

Shouta hid his face and said thank you softly, a little bit embarrassed. He followed the taller man to his little office in the back. Yagi’s office was just like what Shouta had thought. Inside the small room, there was a long table in the corner, pile of papers and a computer on it. Beside that was a window and a long vest of sunflowers. In the center was a square table and chairs, assuming they had to be for staff taking breaks. Overall, the room felt welcome and humble with pictures of natures and staff on the wall along with a schedule board.

Unlike his room, minimum and bare, almost nothing in it.

“Sorry for the mess.”

“Don’t be. It’s nice in here.” Shouta settled down at the square table while Yagi sat at his spot near by computer.

Midoriya came in with a tray, putting down in front of the teacher. Shouta said thank you softly which made the boy almost shouted ‘You’re welcome!’ back. After the boy left, Yagi laughed a bit.

“I don’t see it funny Yagi-san.”

“Sorry, Midoriya-boy couldn’t stop talking about you since he’s been here. He almost bumped into customers earlier.”

“What do you mean?” Shouta looked up from his dinner, chopsticks in his hand.

“You remember his name, right? He told me today.” Yagi smiled from his corner lips.

“I...I remember his shoes...and his name popped up later.” Shouta knew he was stared by the older man, so he tried to hide his face by his messy hair.

“Well, I can see it’s working, whatever methods you’re using right now.”

Shouta just hummed back as ended this conversation. Yagi might took a hint and he turned back to work on his computer while Shouta’s pretending eating. The younger man peeked a bit from corner of his eyes. Yagi was typing something very fast, stopped at some point and typed again.

The room was quiet, only typing sound on the background. No one started making a conversation, just relaxed being with one another in a comfortable silent and that. That made Shouta realized...hard. His eyes widen a bit while holding chopsticks.

This...this was the wholeness and serenity swirling around him.     

His heart beated faster once he felt the warmness flushing inside his chest. It was a nostalgic feeling like he was in this atmosphere before, only him and Yagi sat together in one room doing something in completely silent.

He felt complete when Yagi was near.

“Yagi-san.” Shouta suddenly spoke softly.

“Hmm?” Yagi stopped typing and turned around. The teacher put down his chopsticks, only finished half of a meal.

“Do you mind if I’ll eat here again?” the younger man asked, black pupils directly looked at the blue ones.

“No, I don’t. Feel free to be here anytime Aizawa-kun.” Yagi answered immediately without thinking.  

“Thank you.”

With that, they continued doing their task in silent again. Shouta was eating while Yagi was typing. The teacher closed his eyes and realized that it was the first time in many years that he smiled to himself, enjoying eating and listening the typing sound. He felt truly relaxed, his brain didn’t think about work anymore, only focus on the soothing typing sound and Yagi’s presence.

So this is what it’s like, when you had someone near you.

Shouta didn’t know how much time had passed until Midoriya and Uraraka came back into the room with their snacks, taking their break. They sat opposite Shouta and began to talk to him. It was strange for him yet he’s okay with that. He didn’t flinch or hesitate to talk back. He even curved up his lips a bit when saw the two talked seriously about the upcoming math test.

When Shouta turned his head, he saw Yagi smiled at him. That blue eyes sparkled so bright melting his heart with the owner’s kindness. Shouta only shrugged, tried to ignore what his students had said how scared the test would be. After awhile, Shouta finished his meal and paid in the front before leaving.

“See you tomorrow, Aizawa-kun” Yagi said to him in front of the restaurant.

“See you, Yagi-san.” Shouta nodded.

“See you at school, Sensei!” Midoriya and Uraraka shouted together from the back.

“Don’t forget to do homework.” The teacher shouted back, turning to leave. His hand did wave in the air after turning to leave.  

If his life’s going to be like this everyday, he could live with it.

Yes...He could live with his students, his friends and Yagi-san like this.

He couldn’t think of something or someone else.

To be continue...

[chelsorz07]

21 year old me was a little bitch

So is 28 year old me. Got another one for y’all. 2010/2017.

Are you cheating on someone right now? no. never have, never will. Still haven’t, still wouldn’t.

Day been rough? nope. it's been a good weekend. i'm just tired. Yeah actually, I spent most of it in bed sick.

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? the bed in my hotel room. The cats’ bed. Yes, they have their own full size bed. And yes, I sleep there with them sometimes.

Would you kill a hobo for 100,000,000 dollars? if i could avoid the repercussions of homicide, sure. I would kill anyone for a hundred million dollars.

What makes you laugh no matter what? "wang whiplash" lol Memes. 

Have you done bad things with your parents near by? sure. Yeah but in hindsight not that bad. Just like, smoking cigarettes on the roof.

Do you think your future will be a good one? we'll see. Some days I have hope, some days I’m not sure I’ll see tomorrow.

If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you? no. things may be starting to look up. Not leave but if I could bring my life back home to PA with me that’d be optimal.

Will your next kiss be a mistake? hopefully not. No.

What were you doing 12 AM last night? hanging in the hotel with my mom. watching a halloween special on HGTV. Watching TWD.

What does your ex mean to you? everything. He’s still my best friend, even after all the shit we’ve been through.

Honestly, who are you texting? no one. i'm gonna go to sleep after i'm done here. Everybody’s sleeping.

How late did you stay up last night and why? 2ish. that's early for me. i had a couple glasses of wine and actually slept more than an hour for once. 9am.

What if your boyfriend or girlfriend went through your phone? i don't have a boyfriend. Husband now. And I don’t care. Although I doubt he’d feel the same if the situation were reversed.

Are you angry with someone right now? no one in particular. Not really I just still feel crappy.

Do you have sex everyday? i wish. Funny. I’ve had sex four times all year. Once in January, once in February, and twice two weeks ago.

Do you do drugs everyday? nope. No days. Unless a steady stream of Aleve, ibuprofen, heartburn medicine, and Sudafed counts.

Have you hugged anyone in the last 72 hours? probably maranda. I have not.

Is it awkward when you run into your ex? no. we still hang out. We try to hang out every time I’m home. If not, I’ll at least visit him at work.

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? sometimes. Fuck no she’s my ride or die.

If you are up after 3 am, what are you most likely doing? trying to sleep. this happens every night. Sudoku, Netflix, and Youtube.

Does anyone call you baby? yeah but i wish he wouldn't. i'm not his girlfriend. and i'm sure as hell not his baby. Um no. We’re not a “pet name” couple. I call him Dick and he calls me “hey”.

Your latest ex calls you and asks you back out, you say? i thought you'd never ask. Sorry, taken.

Do you think you'll be single for the rest of the year? probably. I haven’t been single in a very long time.

Be honest, do you have feelings towards anyone? yep. You betcha.

Is there a girl you can tell anything to? michele and erica. Amanda. And more recently, Faith.

Has anyone ever drunk/high called/texted you? sure. it goes both ways. Many times.

Is there a guy that knows everything about you? yes. Two or three. Dave, Mike, my dad. Maybe Mark (my brother-in-law).

Have you ever liked someone just because they were good looking? well yeah. who hasn't? but if there's nothing deeper, it doesn't work out. I can appreciate some human beauty.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for over 6 months? i have. Over 8 years. Despite the fact that we weren’t technically together the first time I took this quiz, we decided that those 18 months didn’t count because we still spent every day together anyway and knew we’d end up here.

Have you ever lost someone you wish you didn't? understatement. Yeah but I got them back.

You love someone? indeed. I love a lot of someones.

You've had sex with over 12 people, haven't you? nope. two. and one of them, i shouldn't have. That number is the same. But the second one - a subpar one night stand in a Dodge Ram? Bleh. We don’t think about it.

Was 2009 a good year? best year of my life. It was quite good.

Do you think 2010 will top 2009? worst year of my life. 2010 sucked. 2017 has been a roller coaster.

Will you be dating someone in six months? i don't have a crystal ball. Married.

Who is the last person you physically hit? my mom, but jokingly. I don’t hit people.

Do you plan on getting married someday? i would if it were to the right person. I am.

Which is harder: walking away from somebody you love or coming back to someone who hurt you? walking away. hands down. Walking away. Never could.

Did you sleep alone last night? well my mom was in the room too. Yeah Dave won’t be home for a couple more days.

Do you believe teenagers can be in love and stay in love? in VERY rare cases. I mean I was 19 when I fell in love and still am.

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? of course. Yeah but I don’t anymore. Not really that into cookies. 

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? several times. I didn’t even go to sleep until late morning. And yes, I woke up a lot. I do that.

Would you be able to date someone who doesn't make you laugh? not a chance. Hell no. I need the lulz to survive.

What's the biggest annoyance in your life right now? having to be patient even though i know things will work out eventually. My physical ailments and my location. And the fact that my tv is a piece of shit so I have to keep turning it off and on just to get sound.

Are you a patient person? no. but i have to be. obviously. Not even a little.

If you could go back in time and change something, would you? i don't think it would have made a difference, to be honest. I wouldn’t have let things get so bad with my family. And Dave and I would’ve gotten married at the courthouse instead of having a big wedding because it was a disaster.

What are you looking forward to in the next 7 days? friday. Dave coming back, getting Primanti’s, and going home this weekend.

Is it easy for you to talk to people of the opposite sex? yeah, now it is. It’s not really easy for me to talk to any people, unless they’re an important part of my life.

Did the last person you kissed name start with a B? no. Negative. 

Do you stay up later than ten o'clock on a week night? i haven't been to sleep that early in like ten years. I don’t go to bed at night anymore. Like ever.

Are you taller than 5 foot 7 inches? no. I’m 5′6″.

Are you one of those people who just don't care? ohhh...i try to claim that i don't. but it's not true. Hahaha alright that’s still the case.

When was the last time you laughed hard and why? wang whiplash. Memes.

Are you generally a happy person? not lately. No I’m a miserable cunt.

Whats on your shirt? hey monday. The Horde crest from WoW.

Where will you be in an hour? here. sleeping. Probably right in this very chair.

Who was the first person you talked to today? mom. I haven’t talked to anyone today.

How do you feel right now? tired. In pain. 

Had sex at school? nope. I didn’t even have sex for the first time until long after I graduated.

Who was the last girl you talked to? mom. Amanda.

When’s the last time you talked to your sister? like 20 minutes. Allie, probably a couple weeks ago. Mandi, couldn’t tell ya. Even when we’re in the same room we don’t speak.

Do you regret something you did today? no. I regret doing nothing today. But I couldn’t really move.

Do you miss someone? yes. I miss everyone. Dave when he’s gone, my family, my friends, my home. I just want to go back.

Will this Sunday be a good one? if i can take a nap, yeah. I’ll be in Bradford so yes.

Are you keeping a big secret right now? i don't have any secrets. Still an open book.

The past 72 hours have you been under the influence? yes. Nope. Don’t drink anymore.

What was the last thing you drank? dew. Water.

Have you ever had a panic attack? many. More than I can count. But I haven’t had one in a while.

Have your parents ever smoked pot? my dad did once. my mom never did. Same.

Want someone back in your life? like you would not believe. The people I want in my life are in it, they’re just too far away.

What's your favorite color? green. Green, black, grey, plaid.

Do you listen to music every day? i have to. it keeps me sane. Usually but I haven’t today. Didn’t have the energy to play anything.

Have you been a happy, angry, or sad person lately? sad, mostly. angry if i think too hard. happy? well, we'll see. All of the above, and then some.

Are you an emotional person? very. Yessir.

Has anybody ever given you butterflies? he still does. every day. i don't even have to see him. Yes.

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying? yeahh.. Often.

When is the next time you will see the person you last kissed? probably never. i'm fine with that. Possibly Wednesday night, definitely sometime Thursday.

Have any memories that you'd like to forget? no. Oh yeah.

[serene-nuzleafarchive]

((hahaha it's 9am and i haven't slept at aaaaaaaall ahahahahaha))

[loveunbreakable-blog1]

Chapter 10

London. I’ve always wanted to live there. I never imagined myself going anywhere when I was a kid. I didn’t even think it was possible to travel somewhere so far. I mean I couldn’t see things out of my reality I couldn’t see the biggest scenario. When I went to the United States for the first time I realized that box I was living in was just a part of a bigger storage. A huge place. And that was the first time I have ever wanted to live somewhere else. And even the United States being the first place I have ever traveled to in my mind there was only one place. One place I could call home. London was that place. Even though I haven’t been there that time. Even though there was no one important for me there. That place looked like home. I never really understood why. I guess somethings we will never understand. Somethings we understand only with our hearts.

Bags were packed things were okay. We just needed to go to the airport. And it wasn’t going to be an easy task since we had thousands of reporters outside.

-          Are you ready? – Thais asked when I showed up in the living room

-          I guess I will never be ready for this.

-          At least you know what’s waiting for you outside. You won’t be surprised anymore.

-          I hope I won’t. I just wanted to forget all this. And every time I get close to forgetting at least for a while people show up and screw things up again.

-          I know how it feels. My mom called this morning again.

-          What did she say? Is she still asking you to come back?

-          She wanted to wish me good luck. She told me to take care and said she missed me but she was starting to understand why I left. She said I was growing up.

-          Did you tell her about us staying in London for a while?

-          No. I don’t think she’s ready for that. I mean it already was a big deal me moving to the other side of the town. Can you imagine how it’s going to be if she knows I am staying in another country?

-          I can’t. My mom gave up on me a long time ago. She doesn’t care where I am as long I am okay. She just texts me sometimes. Just to check how I am doing. I guess I was too clear when I said I had the right to have my own life. So it doesn’t matter where I go. Really.

-          Well… That’s a very strange relationship.

-          Yep. I did this to us. Can’t complain about it. Anyway, I guess it’s time right?

-          Are we going to get a cab?

-          Yep. He’s probably coming now. I guess we should go downstairs now.

-          Okay.

When I said thousands of reporters I thought I was being exaggerated but when we got out there I saw thousands of them. There were people even in the trees taking pictures from above us. That was hilariously crazy. I didn’t know what to do again. It was too much information to my brain and I kept waiting for someone to break the silence. I was waiting for someone to bring it up. To ask again about Peter. I was there waiting for my ruin when I felt it. She just pulled my hand and guided me through all those people. A minute later we were inside the cab.

-          Thank you for that – I said breathing relieved

-          You’re welcome – She said smiling. She had been through all this before so she really knew how to manage everything.

I have got awards before but it was never like this. I was never noticed like today. I guess it was because of the people who were nominated this time. They were simply the best people in the planet. So this was a really important edition of this award. That’s why all this pressure was in my hands.

-          I hope I don’t screw this up – I said looking at my hands

-          You won’t don’t matter the outcome of this you already are a winner. These guys nominated they’re the brain of modern architecture and you being amongst them shows that you are better than you think.

-          Maybe I was lucky. You never know.

-          I don’t think so. You were the only woman nominated for this award. They generally indicate men. So this is already a victory.

-          If you look for this side that’s really something huge.

-          You’ll be fine. So… what are you planning for us in London? Did you talk to the boss? We can’t just stay and say nothing about it right?

-          Yep. I called him yesterday. I told him about our plans. He said if I needed time to myself he would give me. He wouldn’t risk losing us.

-          I knew he would do it. He’s wise. He knows we’re not coming back now but he knows some time we’re gonna miss it and if he leaves us now he would never have us back that’s why he wants to take the risk.

-          That was really intelligent of him.  Birds must fly.

-          We’re flying now. I wanna see how far we can go before our wings get tired.

-          Can’t wait to see it.

Our flight was scheduled for 9am. They had to shut down the airport when we got there. We knew that was gonna happen so we came only 30 minutes earlier for check in. This way we could get in the plane as soon as possible and after we got in the plane they could reopen the airport. That was just as planned as soon we got there they put us in the plane.

-          Still can’t believe we’re doing it

-          Me neither. It’s gonna be a nice adventure. You’ll see – I said smiling. I was ready to give myself a chance. Ready to accept my dreams back but this time being realistic. I am not the best of all. I just have the fire. And when you go after something like this you need to be ready. I wasn’t ready. I knew that. I am not ready. But it doesn’t mean I can’t be someday. It doesn’t mean I will stop and let my dreams go.

-          I know. Everything is an adventure with you hahaha

Home. Finally home again. When we landed in London it was dark I was so sleepy that I couldn’t pay attention to anything. When we finally got to the hotel I just wanted one thing. My bed.

I slept for 10 hours straight. I was really tired of everything. When I woke up it was the end of the afternoon I still had a lot of stuff to figure out. We were planning to stay in London for at least 2 months to get all the awards and have a kind of vacation and in my mind I was planning to stay the whole year if everything worked out the way I wanted to. So I needed to find us a house and get a car and I knew exactly where to go. I had in mind the place I wanted to buy. I just really needed to finish some details for me to have the house. I knew Thais wasn’t at the hotel at that time it was kinda obvious If I was her I would go see him too. I just hoped everything was okay with them.

First thing I saw when I unlocked my cellphone was a message from Mike

Did you see the news?

I knew something bad was coming I knew that Peter would have something to do with it. I wanted to run away from all that but I just couldn’t. There was no way to run from the past consequences.

I went straight to my we browser and typed my name and there it was. Right in the cover.

Amazing. Just what I needed.

It seems to have a lot more about Jackie Félix than we know. The young designer wasn’t able to run from the spotlights this weekend. When she was leaving Eric’s show yesterday a reporter made a question that made us get really curious about her and it brought us a really interesting story about the girl.

The rumor is that she used to date Peter Backsson, the multimillionaire owner of a lot of international companies. Peter never exposed any of his girlfriends but some trustable sources say that they have been together for more than one year. It seems that she left him a few months ago but no one knows why. It’s been exactly 4 months that this picture of him was taken in a conference.

Coincidence? I guess not. Peter have been avoiding media as well. He seems devastated. We don’t find him anymore in the places he used to frequent. Is he suffering for love? Well the picture doesn’t lie. There’s something happening with him we just couldn’t expect that one of the most important designers in the world had something to do with it.

Some sources say that she completely broke his heart but why? While thousands of girls are crying around for Peter it seems that she is the only one who got his attention. Maybe she just used him and his money to launch her career as a designer. Could she just use him this way?

Poor Peter. I hope we can her from her about this soon.

 Of course they would do this. Of course they would go for Peter’s story to protect the bloody millionaire. They didn’t know him. The real Peter Backsson. They had no idea about all the horrible things he did and said. And they would never know. No one could never know.

I knew in the minute that reporter made that question. I knew what would happen. I knew everything was gonna go wrong. I spend so much time trying to hide our relationship. I never wanted anything from him. People who really knew me knew that I could never ask him for anything. I just wasn’t this kind of person. But know it was all gone. My reputation was destroyed cause know I had taken advantage of him. Poor boy. I had become who I am not because I am excellent at it but just because I dated Peter Backsson. I won all those awards not because I deserved it but because I was his girl. That was exactly what the media was saying. I had to do something about all that. I had to step up or I could even lose my job. Who would want a project made by a designer that’s only a designer because she dated Peter Backsson. It was all about him now. It wasn’t me anymore. They took my image and they fucked it. They had no idea what I have been through and all the fights I had to fight just to be there. How much I studied in my bedroom even in the dark just to have a chance in this area. How many times I cut myself with paper cause I was too sleepy but I couldn’t sleep until I finished the projects. People would never see it anymore. They would never see me again. I wasn’t me anymore. I wasn’t Jacky Félix. I was only Peter’s secret girlfriend a heartless bitch that broke his heart.

My cellphone started to ring. It was Mike.

-          Hi

-          You saw my message but you didn’t answer so I assume you already read the content in the magazine. Am I right?

-          How could they do it Mike? – I started to cry – How could they publish something mean like that? What did I do? They don’t even know if it’s true. They don’t know what really happened.

-          So it’s true? I mean, you never told me who was the guy you were dating.

-          Yes, Mike. It was him. I guess I don’t have to keep secrets anymore right?

-          So he was the bastard that screwed you? All this time you have been suffering because of him. All this time I have been telling you that you shouldn’t suffer this much for a normal guy… Well he’s just a normal guy.

-          The problem is exactly that Mike. People don’t see him as a normal person. They see only the money he has. He’s a bloody bastard just as all the other guys. He just happens to have more money.

-          I see your point. So what do you intend to do? You are not gonna leave it this way, will you?

-          I really don’t know what to do now. I just can’t see it through. Is there something I can do? I really don’t know. I am just tired of him screwing me over and over again. Even when he’s far from me. All these bad things keep happening because of him and that’s why I hate him even more every day.

-          I know how you feel. But you better do something fast. I know you’re in London now but when you come back you need to react.

-          I am not coming back.

-          Wait. Whaaaat? You’re not coming back. What do you mean by that? You’re gonna live in London now? Did you leave your job?

-          No. I am not coming back. At least not this year anymore.

-          What do you mean by not this year anymore? It’s only April Jackie.

-          I know. I’ll be here for a while with Thais and no I didn’t quit my job. I got a kind of vacation… Maybe I come back at the end of the year but for now the only thing I know is that I need some time alone. Can I call you back later? I don’t feel like talking right now.

-          Yeah, sure honey. Take care. I am here for you if you need me.

-          Thank you. Bye.

When I turned off the phone. There was a message.

 We need to talk. I need to see you. I am sorry for all this media pressure I know it won’t get any easier. Please listen to me let’s talk. I miss you.

Peter

 I just turned off the phone and went straight to bed again. The house contracts could wait. Now I just wanted to close my eyes and never open them again. I wanted to disappear forever. I wanted to erase my existence.

[matsunjun]

On the 12th, it was a very hectic day at work. I was the only office person there, working with KB only. At least, she used to be office and was a huge help to me until the next office person came at 4:30. it was sooo busy and I had so many new things I was trying to do, that I didn’t get to have my lunch until the office coworker came. And I was there since 9am. So many things were happening left and right, and I was just trying to do them all. @_@;;

Thankfully, it was my last day of work until the 18th. Thanks for the little vacation, manager hahaha.

My tablet been acting up, too, so I haven’t been able to draw. Ughjfnsgbbg. Hope I figure it out, soon. TToTT;

My friend came to sleepover on the 13th, and we had In-N-Out for lunch (her treat TT0TT), and then KBBQ for dinner <3 Mel came over after, and we played some Truth or Dare before sleep (both of them kept asking me to do/say things about the guy who apparently “likes” me).

The next day, both friends split to do their own thing, and were planning on meeting up later for dinner, so I just napped all day until then. Idk, I feel like I was feeling anxious, so I was tired the whole day. It was because the dude who “likes” me was going to be there at the dinner, and I was gonna meet him for the first time. Luckily, it’s with a group. But I’ve always been like this. I am not that good at meeting people for the first time--especially with those people who claim to like me. It’s because I feel like they hold an ideal image of me, and I can’t live up to that in person. And I always feel like I disappoint people. I’m only charming/appealing in theory, and only online. I’m very different in person, especially if I’m not comfortable with someone.

After dinner, we all went back to my place to play some One Night Werewolf, and I feel so bad because my dog bit the dude twice.

My two friends slept over another day, and left early in the morning. It’s kinda lonely again. So I slept all day again. Went to church, helped my dad fix my tire, walked the dogs.

I’m pretty sure by now that the dude doesn’t like me--or at least not anymore after meeting me. I kinda expected it lmao.

I’m not anything special, after all~