#haha it's been a while since my last child-abuse-core fucked up post

[californiannostalgia]

I'm at that point in my Trauma Journey where I dislike the trope of "the adventuring party faced their worst fears in a dreamscape and overcame! they have achieved victory over this trauma!"

I mean, in the moment of the face-off, sure, determination can help you defeat your worst nightmare. but then you're going to start having nightmares about facing off against your worst nightmare. the face-off is not a cleansing event of overcoming trauma, it is literally more trauma. you just get more terrible memories (speaking from confrontation experience).

I'm going to have to live with my brain for the rest of my life. so yeah, I'm trying to avoid adding to the pile. this might be avoidance but I don't give a shit, I'd rather watch media where the worst of the Realistic shit already happened and now we're trying to process what fucking happened. I sure as hell would like some help figuring it out.

I am jealous and annoyed at people who don't understand why their Favorite Show might be a triggerfest for others.

I am jealous and annoyed at people who can say "it's just a story, they're not real people".

I would literally be nothing without the stories I've consumed. "It's just a story" is for when assholes send death threats about fiction. "It's just a story" is an inconsiderate response to someone else's favorite piece of media, or their thoughts about a character that they relate to.

I am annoyed at criticisms made by people who would be butt-hurt if their own favorite media or character was described as unlikable.

I would like to tell everyone who genuinely believes in the "it's just fiction" bullshit to block me and fuck off. it's nothing personal, you're just telling me the life I have fought so hard to sustain is a non-life, and I don't like to suffer condescending judgment from assholes.

[thejustmaiden]

So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞

[thefloatingstone]

Heya! I was just wondering, why don't you like magical-girl horror games/tv shows? (This isn't meant to be confrontational at all, I'm just wondering! :3)

Hey anon! :D no worries! This didn’t come across as confrontational at all!

This is gonna be largely more anecdotal than factual, and the factual parts will come from other people’s posts more than what I’ve made myself, and whose opinions on this I found as explaining emotions I’d felt myself for a while, without knowing how to articulate it.

(Under the cut because this is gonna be a lot of words. And gifs because of course I put gifs in things)

So I’ve been a Sailor Moon fan since I was about 13. (this is not the reason WHY I dislike grimdark Magical Girl Shows but its a good place to start). the Sailor Moon R movie was the very first DVD I ever bought and the first thing I ever saw of the show (I had seen anime before and had a good idea what it was but this was my first experience with Magical girls and Sailor Moon). And I remember very clearly how enthralled 13 year old me was at this story. About these girls a year older than I was, fighting this bad guy from outer space who badly injured Usagi’s boyfriend. And that no matter HOW MUCH Usagi reached out to the bad guy to try and understand him, just how much he RESISTED her friendship. I remember the scene where he grabs the Silver Crystal on her chest and tries to rip it off little me actively thought “holy shit! This guy just WILL NOT STOP!! How on earth can he be stopped if he just KEEPS COMING???”

But of course, in the end, Sailor Moon is able to reach him. She is able to offer understanding for his sadness, and when he finally realises her sincerity, he is “defeated” BUT. More Importantly. He is the one who ends up saving Sailor Moon’s life at the end as a last goodbye gift to Mamoru, the boy he was in love with and who Sailor Moon loves as well. Before he leaves forever.

So a thing here. Not ONCE while watching the film the first time, did I EVER think to myself “Just stab him, Sailor Moon!” or “Stop trying to reach him and just kill him!!”. Like, NONE of those thoughts came to mind. I was fully invested in seeing Sailor Moon stop the bad guy, not by stabbing or killing him, but by REACHING HIM.

So anyway. We move on and for a while as a teenager I went through that dumb phase where I thought every magical girl show was a “Sailor Moon Rip off” and that they must all be bad because of it! In part it was true, as Sailor Moon was the first Magical Girl show that had girls use magic to fight bad guys, rather than become Jpop idols or adults or anything along those lines. However, Just because something takes cues from a genre changer doesn’t make it bad… right?

So, as I grow up I start to understand Magical Girl shows. I get what they are. They are, at their core, about young girls (usually between 12 - 16) transforming into a magical alter ego to fight bad guys and protect or save a love interest as well as their friends (mentored by a small animal friend). And this idea just seemed like… so obvious to me? But I had the luxury of growing up with this idea. That girls could fight bad guys without being tom boys or masculine or “hot and sexy”. I had the Powerpuff Girls growing up after all. Girls could be heroes while still being girls and liking girl things and wanting to have boyfriends and loving their families and wanting to protect their friends! And magical girl shows are always about getting more and more powerfull, so that by the END of the show, you face the biggest meanest bad guy of all! And then you beat him in the end. And it takes great sacrifice and you lose things and even people you love, and you have to give up so much. But in the end you win! and the biggest bad guy is dead. And you get to live your life full of hope and happiness as you’ve granted the people of earth and your friends a safe and happy life. You have protected that which you love. And it was hard, but by believing in yourself and your friendship you did it! And now, even if something bad happens again, you are powerful enough to face it.

And then, in 2011, along came Madoka Magica.

I was recommended Madoka Magica by a guy who runs (to this day) an anime store in the city I lived. Saying it was a Magical Girl show with a darker edge to it. And told me “watch until episode 3, and you’ll know if you’d like it or not”.

Having watched Revolutionary Girl Utena by now, I was excited by what I considered a “Trap” anime. An anime that leads you to believe its one thing, and then after a few episode throws the curtain back and goes “HAHA FOOLED YOU!! THIS IS ACTUALLY SO MUCH MORE THAN IT SEEMED!”Utena did this as well. And Utena was and is my favourite anime. (tied by Sailor Moon.)

So I watched Madoka Magica and I liked it a lot!! I watched all 12 episodes, and it was hard, but by the time I got to the end, I felt rewarded for sticking through all the really terrible things that happened to the characters. I described it to other people as “It’s going to make you feel terrible and if you’re able to stick with it, it will reward you by the end!”. Some people saw the end of the show as rather hopeless, or stagnant, but I saw it as an empowering message. That even if someone tells you something is impossible, you should try anyway! Because you are more powerful than they realise! And THAT, I felt, is why all the suffering was important. Because it needed to challenge just HOW TERRIBLE being a magical girl is, and just what a bad idea it is, and even if you become one you can’t change anything. But then Madoka at the end plays the system against itself, and fixes things for every girl throughout history forever. And yes there are still bad times and friends still die, but she took away the dark core of the situation.

Also, Utena had given me a taste for genre deconstruction by this point.

So yay! a great show with a really unique take on the idea of “Magical Girl!” Awesome! There was nothing else like it!

….aaaaand then…. Madoka became super super popular. And that’s when the trouble started.

I found out a few months ago, that Madoka Magica’s writer and creator, Gen Urobuchi, (a man) created Madoka Magica with a very specific idea in mind; That women having goals and wishes are dangerous and lead to suffering. That girls should not have ideals and ambition. Because it will only hurt and punish them. And he wanted to show that in Madoka Magica by showing how, if no girl in the show had ever made a wish, none of the bad things in the show would have happened at all. He has stated this in multiple interviews.

Madoka Magica, however, was an anime, and had several people working on the show, not just one guy. So how much was altered and changed to circumvent his intentions I don’t know. But even if his opinions could devalue the show as a message of empowerment, it can’t change the fact that I WAS empowered by it.

But as I said, then Madoka Magica became OBSCENELY popular. But like… that was not the problem. What the problem was was… “an anime, written by a man, about cute magical girls suffering horribly, became popular with a male audience”.

And due to the insane level of popularity, this lead to copycat shows. And these shows did not copy Madoka Magica’s deconstruction of the genre, they did not copy the art style, they did not copy the deeper look at Magical Girls as a concept. They copied the idea of “Grown Men making shows about cute really moe looking girls suffer horribly for a male audience”.

And during this surge of Madoka copycats, I watched “Yuki Yuuna is a hero” and I HATED it.

Yuki Yuuna is a story about a group of girls who are given the opportunity to become magical girls and help make the world a better place. They are already all part of an after school club called “the hero club” where they do things like volunteer work, or babysitting, or helping out at libraries etc etc. So the idea of becoming REAL heroes and saving the world?? Of course they absolutely want to do that!!

So they get essentially tricked into this situation where they fight giant monsters who come to destroy the world, and they each have a “final move” they can use to destroy these monsters. However, after a difficult battle which had all of them use their biggest move at least once to protect each other and save the world, they all find themselves slightly injured and, weirdly, a part of their body stops working. One girl becomes mute, another loses sight in her one eye, another hearing in her one ear etc etc.

The show goes on to explain that, in becoming magical girls, what these girls have really become, are sacrifices to the gods to protect the earth. And each time they use the gods’ power, they sacrifice a physical part of themselves to use the power of the gods.

So these girls essentially get slowly MAIMED throughout the series, because they wanted to make the world a better place! They didn’t even get wishes like in Madoka! they LITERALLY just wanted to save the world. And they were punished for it.

And just in case it wasn’t clear who this show was for, ALL their transformation sequences are accompanied by aggresive fanservice shots.

of these 14 year old girls.

And that’s where the entire idea of “Grimdark Magical Girl” show fell apart for me as a concept. And I didn’t bother checking out any more.

And what did we get after this?

Magical Girl Raising Project. a show where a group of CHILDREN who want to become magical girls have to Battle Royale each other to fucking death until the last child standing

And now the recent Magical Girl Site. A Magical girl show that includes Domestic abuse, vicious school bullying, self harm etc etc.

Even Re:Creators, a show I LIKE had this with their ONE magical girl character, Mamika. I am extremely pissed off that Re:Creators decided that Mamika, the magical girl, is the character that had to be killed horribly so that her death could motivate OTHER characters into action.

The only reason I am able to swallow this in Re:Creators, despite being angry about it, is that before she died, Mamika was shown to possibly be the strongest character in the whole show. To the level of being completely OP. And the fact that she died because she tried to reach the main bad guy, knowing full well she most likely would not survive, but she wanted to try anyway.

It still makes me mad, but at least it does take the sting away SOMEWHAT. Especially since Re:Creators is not a magical girl show. And its entire point is to dissect all its characters by removing them from their own anime and video games and forcing them into a reality where they have to face things they would not normally have to worry about in their safer, more genre-based universes.

“Dark Magical Girl” or as I like to refer to it as; “Grimdark magical girl” shows are now the most popular versions of the magical girl genre.

a genre that STARTED as manga written by women for girls to read and feel empowered by. They have now been turned into a genre for teenaged to adult men to enjoy cute moe girls in horriffic torture porn. (see. Because torture makes it MATURE and ADULT).

They are no longer shows spreading messages to young girls about believing in themselves and their friends and their own power, but are instead torture porn for men.

There is an excellent post by a tumblr user called @timemachineyeah which I link to all the time regarding this topic which I will do so again here;

https://thefloatingstone.tumblr.com/post/165077370034/i-cant-remember-if-youve-posted-about-this#notes

And in the OP’s words (emphasis mine):

“[…]That’s not subversive. That’s our whole fucking lives. That’s what we get everywhere else. Nothing a girl does can be right. We’re bad to have ambitions and to want things. Even the “nice” things we do are dismissed with ulterior motives as soon as someone decides they’re done with us.

And I fucking hate people calling it “so profound” and whatever, when it’s ultimately torture porn and the message isn’t even deep.

And more than that, I hate that it’s success has spawned a series of knockoffs, so that now moe torture porn grimdark magical girls has become the most common iteration of the genre. So we had the incredibly ableist (OMFG WORST SHOW EVER MADE) Yuki Yuuna is a Hero, and we’re getting the “Magical Girls have to CULL EACH OTHER in a grim CHILDREN-LED FIGHT TO THE DEATH” of Magical Girl Raising Project and like I’m so fucking done with these grown ass men making shows for other grown ass men shitting all over girls’ power fantasies and thinking that shitting all over girls’ power fantasies is something new and subversive and not a reassertion of the status quo.“

Does that mean I think men can’t make magical girl shows? Of course men can make Magical girl shows! Revolutionary Girl Utena is an ENTIRE show about the patriarchy and its destruction of girls and the role of women in society and the eventual triumph of our female heroes OVER PATRIARCHAL BULLSHIT ITSELF” and it was created by a man!!

Namely Kunihiko Ikuhara!

And not only did he make Revolutionary Girl Utena, but he is large responsible for not only making Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune a couple in the original anime, but for largely fleshing out their motivations and drive in the anime, making season S of Sailor Moon PROFOUNDLY better than the exact same arc in the manga!

But this is not what is happening here. Heck, I have a suspicion one of these grimdark shows might have originally been written by a woman.

What’s happening here is not about who the creator of these shows are, it is who these shows are INTENDED for. And what their intent as a show is. And yes. a lot of Magical girl shows have the intent of selling merchandise. Let’s not pretend PreCure or Jewel Pet are trying to become feminist icons or anything. But even if their intent is merely to sell toys, they STILL have the function of telling girls to have hopes and dreams, fight to protect their friends, and that it is OK TO DO SO WHILE STILL BEING A GIRL. Something American tv wasn’t doing at the time! Instead all girl characters from America who were “tough” were all tomboys who hated pink and refused to wear dresses, a la Spinelli in the cartoon “Recess”.

It was not until Sailor Moon showed up girls were taught you don’t HAVE to be a brutish loud angry tough girl to believe in your own power.

But now the magical girl genre’s most popular shows are not about girls being powerful and having dreams and protecting the earth.

It’s about how much our cute moe looking protagonists can suffer. For having the audacity to want to having power to protect others.

[winterywitch]

I just want to say that I really admire the depth you put into your OC's and your confidence in talking about them! I'd like to learn more about them, but I'm on mobile and it isn't letting me search the tags, so... are there any W@tchtower Grotto characters you haven't talked much about that you'd want to talk about?

oh!! ;-; gee thank you.......................

uhhhhhhh gee idk why but it feels like i dont have an actual comprehensive post on who/what nana actually is bc most of my friends know him very well already? so here’s that

hes like... early 30s?? in terms of appearance/maturity, hes the godking of the country in midnight

nana is uh... certainly a rebel at his core thats one way to put it, a lot of core things about him for better or for worse challenge the status quo. he thinks this is a good thing 100% of the time, like he’s some kind of radical rebelling against an oppressive norm on every single norm he challenges. (its not)

he is RIDICULOUSLY people-smart, hes likely an empath and could easily be called a genius when it comes to reading people and understanding how people tend to work.

if he were a dnd character he’d be a sorceror, he casts from charisma not intelligence [though he is certainly NOT lacking in that department]

hes definitely considered the leader of his little commune of kings [involving desiderius, hachi and kyuun], those three tend to defer to him and seek him out for advice [well. they mostly Used to now its just hachi that does that last part]

he sees himself as a teacher and guide to people, which isnt inaccurate necessarily!

hes very good to his people, his country as a whole is doing pretty well financially, there’s a vibe there of everyone taking care of one another! not to mention the fact that its lovely visually

he’s right about most things and he’s comfortably aware of the fact that he’s right about most things. but hes open to being corrected! he cant possibly be right about everything ALL the time!! he just has to consider you an authority on what youre talking about, which is something he very rarely considers other people to be, or he might just ignore your correction. but sometimes he wont, which makes you feel kinda silly for pointing out his tendency for hypocrisy! how confusing. it’s hard to keep up with this one.

he, like all of his colleagues minus desiderius, thinks he is the only Good King while all the others are complete messes who dont know what theyre doing or are just flat out bad people. but like, yknow, its a fucked up dysfunctional family! that’s totally normal, right??1/11

something about him just makes you think “theres a guy who knows his shit,” its probably his sturdy [outward] confidence, his [appearance of] wisdom, his [very real] intelligence and his long list of supporters that make you think that about him

his hair is weird as shit! there are ‘stars’ in it that glow, not BLINDINGLY bright but i mean yknow, they do glow, and where theyre embedded in his hair theres increased physical sensitivity. pulling on this guy’s hair fucking HURTS, even petting it can be uncomfortable if youre not really really careful. not to mention a fucking haircut, good lord (haha)

his parents were kind of like... very emotionally shallow, they were the sorts of people to be like Oh I’m Fine ^_^ at everything, and in subtle and hard-to-detect ways, they would punish nana for showing emotion of any kind (for example, laughing at him when he would cry at sad things as a child). because of this, he is now very open about his emotions and embraces them as something he should listen to and follow rather than only relying on cold logic as his parents tried to have him do. (its a lot more sinister in practice than it sounds, because yeah most of the time it is innocent like this but at the same time, he takes his own feelings VERY seriously and if you hurt them, even if it’s just by having boundaries, he will identify you as someone mistreating him or even abusing him depending on how close you are]

[heres where we get into The Shit, big tw for abuse, csa/pedophilia and “marital” sexual abuse/assault]

his closest friend and advisor arya kurosawa has been his best friend since they were both teenagers. they met when arya was 14 and nana was 17 [in terms of appearance/maturity are what those ages refer to, they were both immortal] and they got along very well.

of course by very well i mean on top of getting along very well, nana has ALWAYS had an inherent, base-level disrespect for arya’s boundaries. it’s been there since they were teens, and it mostly manifested in nana pressuring arya to do [mostly innocent - but the pressure and coercion made them not so innocent] things he was scared to do.

they were inseparable pretty much ever since they met and VERY, very in love with each other

they definitely were a romantic item by the time nana inherited the throne from his mother, and the age gap was definitely concerning but it only grew more concerning as nana’s mental/appearance age rose because he was growing up emotionally and psychologically and arya’s... stagnated.

when nana was in his early 30s so to speak, arya was stuck at 14-15 or so. and like... they didnt really see anything weird about that, they figured “well we both met when we were kids so its not like nana is a pedophile or anything, why question something so good?”

to someone who didnt know better wrt age gaps in romantic relationships and pedophilia, the relationship between those two would have looked completely normal and healthy. there was certainly an appearance of mutual respect, support, love and commitment

nana could only treat a 14-15 year old so much like his equal. to be totally honest, even since they were teenagers, nana treated arya like his inferior, like a student that needed to be taught, and that dynamic only grew/got worse as nana aged mentally.

but at the same time arya also taught nana so many things! see? nana wasn’t some condescending prick! obviously everything is fine. there were a lot of ways sometimes in which ARYA was the adult and nana was the child ^_^ so it’s equal, right?

arya certainly didnt know any better, nana was the love of his life and that was all there was to it. he knew [because of nana] that any discrimination they might face due to their ages in this relationship was simply unfounded, cruel bigotry from a species of essentially cavemen who were afraid of fire. he knew he was progressive for his time, in a couple decades probably everyone else would come to their senses too!

long story short, one day arya very quickly, almost violently realized EXACTLY everything that was wrong. nana’s condescending behavior had come to a head and someone arya considered a playful rival had forced him, very painfully, to face the truth of what this relationship was: abuse from a man who should know better, taking advantage of a boy who didnt.

arya couldnt exactly love nana after realizing this. and it really fucking sucked. he really wanted to go back to the way things used to be, he wanted to “undiscover” what he’d discovered, but there was no way back and he felt so broken and dirty and ungrateful and bratty and selfish for suddenly feeling this way.

nana on the other hand noticed arya very suddenly averse to being touched or held or even looked at. for a while, he was very understanding about this - what that playful rival did was essentially cast a spell and at first he thought arya was just sick or physically not well or something, and that he’d get better soon.

he didn’t.

nana didn’t know what to do. suddenly arya was neglecting him, acting like he was terrified of nana. he’d never been like this before, what happened? it’s incredibly painful and confusing, losing the love of your life like that; one day you’re everything to them, and the next they’re flinching every time you raise your hand around them. nana had never hit him or abused him verbally... in fact, it was nana who HELPED ARYA gain the strength and courage he needed to become independent from his emotionally abusive parents. so why was nana suddenly the bad guy? he had no idea what happened, why, how to fix it, or anything like that.

eventually he snapped, unable to take being deprived of love and attention like this, so he just took whatever he wanted, physically, not caring what arya thought of it.

he knew it was wrong. he knew he’d definitely crossed the line into objectively unforgivable actions. but he was almost too afraid to stop and relinquish this power over arya, because then he had to A.) lose arya, and B.) be held accountable for his actions. both two very terrifying things he saw no personal gain in.

that went on for a long time, until nana sort of... slowly realized he was feeling weaker and weaker, more prone to physical weariness dizziness, severe headaches and nausea, and he didn’t put 2 and 2 together until it was too late.

arya had figured out how to start poisoning him and getting away with it.

by that point, nana realized not just what was happening and why, but also that he unquestionably, factually deserved this pain and much, much more. that realization was too much for him, it sort of broke him psychologically for a very long time, leaving him completely helpless to whatever revenge arya decided to take on him

[it was all physical and psychological torture, but arya was certain NEVER to stoop to his level and sexually abuse nana. he couldnt even think of sleeping with nana “consensually” anyway, it made him horribly sick to even consider]

eventually after a long-ass time of this, arya just got sick of looking at nana and couldn’t even be around him anymore without feeling absolutely god-awful, so he just abandoned nana, leaving him to fester in his broken body and mind

and y’know, stuff happens after that, but thats all there really is to the most prominent phase of nana’s development in THIS story. i also play him in his phase of development after that last bullet point [roughly 200 years later], where he’s fucked up in all kinds of ways and totally deserving it, but also trying to... not really redeem himself or anything like that, he knows that’s not really a thing, but rather to make himself useful to good people who want to do the right thing, in a dnd campaign

nana goes through a SHIT TON of changes, to the point that each phase of his development has his own individual profile on toyhou.se, he’s become a Big Trauma Coping Character for me and somewhat an experiment in redemption arcs, seeing what exactly should happen and how to make “redemption” arcs seem not cheap or forced

here’s the one i talked about in this post though

http://toyhou.se/335049.nana-of-the-stars