#hah i feel like that's a constant state for me

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <3

[madaqueue]

then beg

pairing: suguru geto x f!reader

a/n: BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK srry guys idk what came over me when i was writing this (i need him so bad)

you aren’t sure how much longer you can hold out, your teeth biting down into your lower lip so hard you could nearly taste blood.

“c’mon now, sweetheart, just one little word and this’ll all be over,” your boyfriend purrs above you, his black hair cascading over his shoulders and tickling your bare skin.

you shake your head no, grasping onto any remaining pieces of resolve, collecting the shreds of your determination, to last just one more minute - that’s all you need, you try to reassure yourself.

truthfully, you never thought you’d be the one in this position - after all, it was you who originally made the bet with suguru.

you had put up with enough of his teasing, enough of being called ‘needy’ for just wanting to kiss him, and today you decided to stand up for yourself.

when he walked into your apartment, he just looked so perfect in his work clothes, his dress shirt rolled up above his elbows, his bangs falling across his forehead, how could you not want to fuck him on the spot?

“you’re so sweet when you’re all desperate like this,” he chuckles as you paw at his belt before he even has a chance to get his shoes off.

“suguru, i’m not that desperate,” you huff, stepping back and crossing your arms over your chest in defiance.

"oh yeah?" he tilts his head in amusement. "you couldn’t even wait ten minutes from when i got home, you needed me to fuck you so bad.”

“yeah. and you know what? i’ll prove it,” you state confidently. “ten minutes. i bet you i can go ten minutes without you fucking me.” 

“you’ve got yourself a deal, angel,” he smirks, slowly waltzing over to you. his hands meet your waist, his touch sending shockwaves through you as his palms kneed the soft flesh of your ass.

“d-deal,” you stammer, conviction beginning to waver as he leans over, placing wet kisses along your neck.

and now, it’s been nine minutes of geto cruelly teasing you, bringing you to the brink of your release before pulling back.

he rubs his cock over your slick folds, the pressure driving you insane as you rut your hips up off the bed, craving anything more he’s willing to give you.

but, of course, he was not going to lose so easily.

“you poor needy thing,” he coos, watching you writhe in agony below him. “i told you, all you have to do is say ‘please’ and i’ll fuck you.”

it was becoming too much, the constant taunting and temptation overwhelming you. your body felt like it was on fire, everywhere he touches igniting new flames.

before you can stop yourself, your lips move on their own.

“please,” you blurt out weakly.

“what was that, princess? couldn’t quite hear you,” he teases, holding a hand up to his ear.

“please, pleasepleasepleaseplease,” you babble desperately, “please fuck me, please suguru, please.”

with your eyes tightly shut you can’t see the way he grins, more than happy to give into your demands.

without a moment of hesitation he thrusts into you easily, a moan escaping your lips as you finally get what you had been craving. your warm walls envelop him as your eyes nearly roll back, your pussy beginning to clench around him.

“h-hah,” he whispers, “don’t tell me you’re gonna cum already, i knew you were desperate but fuck.”

his words sound fuzzy, far away; right now, all you can feel is him, the fullness, the stretch, the sweet burning pleasure of his cock inside you. after what felt like an eternity of being denied it, you get suddenly pushed over the edge of your orgasm.

“p-please,” you moan, the words aimlessly tumbling out of your mouth, “please, please.”

your vision goes white as your entire body shakes, racked with wave after wave of ecstasy. broken pleas continue to fill the room, and you’re not even sure what you’re begging for anymore, you just know that you need more.

as you come down from your high, you finally open your eyes to meet suguru’s, a glimmer of desire in his dark irises.

you feel his thumb stroke the tears off your face that you hadn’t realized were falling before he wipes the drool that had pooled at the corner of your open mouth away. he kisses you messily, his tongue easily sliding between your parted lips, his cock still buried inside you.

“you really are needy,” he breathes in awe through a smirk, “but since you asked so nicely, i’ll keep fucking you like the desperate slut you are, how’s that sound?”

blinking up at him through glazed-over eyes, you nod. “please?”

[hectorthedoggo]

i made a litte haruka t3 vd based off of an earlier convo w @kani-miso and @chairhahaha that one time (if you guys remember that)

Broken Wings

*The interrogation starts, and Haruka is breathing heavily, shifting around in his seat. It can be interpreted as a panic attack, or some sort of crying.

*The door opens, and the warden doesn’t speak for a bit.

E: Prisoner Number 1. We cannot begin the interrogation when you’re in such a state.

*Haruka’s voice sounds broken, like he’s cried a lot over the past few minutes.

H: Warden… hey, why did you vote Mu guilty? Even though I promised that…

E: You cannot influence our verdict in such a way. We found it fit to deem her guilty, therefore your opinion is invalid.

H: Huh? I don’t… but, i have to, I have to follow through on my promise. I couldn’t do it earlier, because of the guilty restraints.

E: No.

H: Huh? What do you mean?

E: Milgram won’t permit it, I’m sure. Fights between prisoners are prohibited as long as the warden is awake, so you’ve lost your window of opportunity.

H: I don’t… understand.

E: You aren’t allowed to kill yourself, idiot.

H: Hehe… hihihi! Well, you can’t push me around! I have…

*a rustling sound is heard, and the warden gasps

E: Scissors? Where…

H: The supply closet! I can kill myself, you can’t stop me!

E: No! You’re not allowed!

H: I’ll do it now! You’re too weak to stop me.

*Sounds of a struggle, and E keeps making pained noises. Eventually, a clattering noise is heard, and the sound of the barrier rings out.

*They sound physically in pain, speech occasionally interrupted by small gasps of pain.

E: Ow… hah. Haruka. You can’t take the scissors. We have them now. You’re not getting them back. Hm… I wonder if I could ask Milgram to take the supply closet… it’s such a bother.

*H sounds pained.

H: Warden! You have to understand! I made a promise, I have to follow through! Besides…

E: …

H: Besides, the voices tell me that I don’t deserve to live. That I’m too crazy for society, because I killed all of those animals. I was right, earlier. There’s no way that my true self will ever be forgiven.

I'm so tired of this constant talking, they’re right. And… Mahiru didn't deserve to die.. it should've been me.. i should join her, to fulfill my promise.

E: ! Ma…hiru…

* their voice sounds a little surprised, almost like they’ve been struck.

H: It’s hard, without her. She was so nice. I want to join her, and me being here doesn’t help anything. Everyone would be happier if I died.

E: Don’t… don’t…

H: Are you okay? I… I understand!

*A small rustling is heard

*their breathing is heavy

E: Get off… get off of me. Don’t hug me like that, it won’t work. I’m not going to-

H: It’s not for that! Hugs mean to make everything feel better! It’s a goodbye hug. Mahiru always said-

E: Shut up!

*They hit Haruka, but that’s not enough for them. They tackle him, in what is most definitely not a hug, and starts to pathetically beat him up.

H: Ow! Why are you-

E: I hate people like you! First, it was Shidou, now you, stupidly sacrificial, having no regard for the other’s emotions! Don’t you dare insult Mah- no, we’re not… we’re not supposed to… we just hate you. We, the warden, need no justification for beating up rowdy prisoners.

*Haruka makes little noises of pain, matching E’s.

*Suddenly, the door opens.

Kz: Hey! Hey! What’s going on here. Es, get off.

*A little struggle is heard, but Kazui quickly gets them off of their victim.

E: Kazui… why… no, you’re too much of a coward to go into the room yourself. Who sent you?

Kz: I’m not saying. Es, why were you-

E: It was Kotoko, wasn’t it? Guilty verdict wasn’t enough to get her off her high horse? Heh, i wonder why they decided to vote you innocent, if you keep interfering like this.

K: !

E: You stupid prisoners. Always interfering. What we do is not your business.

Haruka: Es…

E: We aren’t Es. K: ! What?!

H: W… what? Then, who are you?

E: The warden. Of MILGRAM. We don’t need a name, Es is simply a label.

K: like… amane-chan… but worse

E: What was that? (rhetorical)

H : He said you’re like Amane, but worse.

E: Shut up, the both of you ! Milgram is much nobler than a group of cartoon characters with a bunch of philosophies attached to them! What Milgram is doing, is fully, absolutely, right. Of course it would be! Otherwise, well…

It would be…

*they lose their spark

I wouldn’t be…

*awkward silence

No, no. what milgram is doing has to be right. Otherwise, I would…

*their voice breaks at the end. they slap themself.

Stop that. No. Anyways, Kazui, please get out of the room. I apologize for my earlier outburst. I will not resort to such violence, again. Haruka. Do not touch me.

K: As long as you promise to not attack Haruka.

E: As long as Haruka doesn’t touch me again.

H: I… I won’t?

E: Alright. Kazui. Leave.

K: If I hear more struggle-

E: Leave.

K: Okay.

* He leaves.

E: Ah… what are we supposed to do with you… 

*The bell rings

ack!

H: Are you alright?

E: Shut up… shut up… you all aren’t supposed to… I thought you-

H: ?

E: Shut up!

* They start to breathe heavily.

H: Is it… the…

E: That’s none of your business! I… we don’t have the same problems as you prisoners- ack!

H: … um… Warden?

E: Shut up!

H: Okay…

E: I- I- get it! Okay!

H: Um, sorry. Who are you talking to?

E: That’s… none of your business. Let’s just get this overwith, I- we can’t be doing this right now.

Now, prisoner number one, sing your sins!

[suffarustuffaru]

I love your otto brainrot. He's favorite person to gush about in this series. I also love your analysis about one of the latest chapters and regarding Otto! ust, chef's kiss.

Anyhow, I would also like to add a crack theory about why otto never talked about his dp allowing him to talk to infants too. In this moment, it very much be because, as you said, he wants Spica to be eliminated. But! We're thinking small here. My question morphs into a more general perspective; why would Otto, and tappei to an extent, keep such information about his dp under wraps for this long, way before these Spica shenanigans? And I feel like the author may want to expand on that regard. Because as far as the rest of the crew knows (and as far as I remember), they know he can only talk to animals. But that chapter states he can talk to any living being (?), which I think may hint to it being a bigger fucking deal than we may realize. Like outside the Louis development, as well as Otto's frustration development, this power in of itself can cause a ripple of what Otto's capabilities are, and to not underestimate it.

So, now I wonder, would tappei utilize this tidbit for more development about Otto's power? What do you think?

aa thank you for liking my otto stuff!! i adore him a lot and arc 8 has me even more fixated on him bc his development is so Fascinating.... and also my fictional character type has always been the weird fucked up ones with terrible morals HAH.

OK ALSO LIKE i love your crack theory to bits. i think like the idea of his capabilities being A Little More Massive than they already are hasnt really occurred to me if only bc 1. i have like one braincell at a time and 2. ottos unhinged anger and various ugly habits (ie: doing things behind his friends backs HAH) were smth i was distracted by (positive) bc its so fascinating and now Finally everyone reading rezero knows hes crazy For Sure and 3. i think like. idk ive always kind of thought that his power is like super crazy like once you think about it. like iirc theres the canonical fact that other people in the fantasy world whove had ottos dp have gone like insane from it, so hes Basically the outlier here. and also hes insane anyway but his dp absolutely has partly to do with it. not only bc it like affects so much of his life with the constant overstimulation he experienced for a big chunk of his childhood along with the other effects it had with how he was behind his peers for a while and it made him socially awkward and anxious - but also like.

animals Are insane. a lot. genuinely. and then you have a power that allows you to understand them and hear their voices all the time. (more under read more bc its Long.)

theres so many fucked up animal facts out there HAH so i suppose that could just take like a couple google searches (god.... if oceans were in the fantasy world otto might go a little insane with all those sea creatures if he ever came close...) but i always feel like ottos learned at least a bit of his ruthlessness from that. and hes Definitely seen and heard shit (dont forget stuff like livestock ahah T^TT or bug infestations or something aljsdfls or the fact that otto would probably be seeing animal friends eat other animal friends or before he even knew he had his dp he could be eating some cattle he had a convo with like twenty minutes ago and ALSO garf and fred have their meat pie recipe that they adore and its like. that meat came from an animal and otto has most likely seen them make their meat pie before). but like nature is nature. its not always. Nice. survival of the fittest and things just die sometimes (ottos made various animal friends throughout his life and Many animals have smaller lifespans than him as well + some, such as bugs, are more fragile than him) and animals take actions according to their Nature (even if its. Bad, by human moral standards.) and all that - so i think the double whammy of ottos dp and him taking on merchant ideals is very much partly why hes so insane fr HAH.

I WENT A LITTLE OFF TOPIC BUT no yeah i agree. and i just think his dp has always been such a huge factor in what makes him so dangerous - its not only helped mold him into who he is as a person (especially when you remember that the rest of his family are Normal People and he Very Much Is Not Normal) but also like you said. his dp makes him extremely dangerous especially with the new information that he understands babies. iirc otto didnt Necessarily keep that bit of info under wraps - at least not before he met the emilia camp, bc the text said something about how hed take on side jobs where he babysat infants and hed be good at it bc he can understand the intent behind their wordless "words". and i definitely think otto - and tappei - havent really said anything on his ability to talk to infants before this bc it just hasnt come up in much relevant context until now. BUT I ALSO THINK YOU HAVE A POINT bc this does open like. a bit of a can of worms. theres these 2019 tappei qnas where he talks a bit about otto understanding "intent" -

Q: Is Otto's Blessing of the Spirit of Words limited to sounds that the speaker understands? Can he translate something Subaru wrote down in Japanese, or something that someone reads out loud phonetically without understanding it's meaning?

A: He can't. It's a blessing that conveys the intent of the other person's words, so if you said something like "Honbaradaratodetta", it wouldn't mean anything. It's just that, if Subaru had been saying "Honbaradaratodetta" for years to mean "What's for dinner?", it would convey that.

Q: About the "Blessing of the Spirit of Words" that Otto has, in cases where the same word can contain different meanings, can he discern the difference? (The English word 'servant' and a servant from Fate, etc.)

A: It's not the letters, but the speaker's intent that he picks up, so he could tell the difference.

--

but no yeah like........ ottos dp is specifically about Animals and well. humans and demihumans ARE animals. so it makes sense that it carries into humans and demihumans a bit so the whole catching someones intent thing is super fascinating and i feel like he could Definitely utilize it for more of his schemes?? esp when you combine that with the usual ways he uses his dp with animals - his power is Perfect for spying on others and gathering info in general. from my understanding of his power though, animals have to agree to help him, but given he can communicate with them and hes. well hes a good talker and also a bit of a manipulative bitch (affectionate) so like getting animals to help him doesnt seem like too much of an issue usually for him. so no but yeah his power is like. Off the Charts. and now we got big confirmation in the main story that he can UNDERSTAND PEOPLES INTENT BEHIND THEIR WORDS....? no yeah i think tappei will at least utilize it for the louis-spica plot things (ie otto wants her dead so hes just not gonna say anything about how he knows her true intent isnt to actually hurt anyone).

but i feel like otto could possibly use it for plans... or accidentally catch tidbits of info he shouldnt. im not entirely sure how, but. well. roswaal still hasnt delivered on his promise to kill everyone if even one person subaru cares about dies and Now roswaal knows that 1. otto plans to continue opposing subaru and emilia and keep pulling strings and 2. subaru wants louis to stay alive because he cares about her. it seems like massive emilia camp inner conflict is bound to happen at some point hah... the current situation is a ticking time bomb T^T and thats ON TOP of otto still working on restoring the book of wisdom... it all makes me wonder if otto will overhear a convo he shouldnt and catch the true underlying intent to otherwise innocent dialogue. or something like that.... or if louis's intent fluctuates in some way which otto will be Very aware of. if that happens. or if someone else somehow figures out ottos hiding the fact that he knows louis is innocent via his dp alsdjflsjdf. or maybe roswaal hints at his genocide plan and otto figures out the intent???? everyone is at a stalemate atm fr and im fascinated to see what comes next.

though. ok given otto went insane hearing the white whale..... well you could just fling mabeasts at him and maybe he'll shut up lajsdlfj bc using his dp (especially when overusing it gives him nosebleeds and headaches and pain and etc etc) against him is a Viable strategy to stop him among many others but like. the problem with otto is that hes persistent and Will hold a grudge against you if you wrong him. like i really do feel like he will hunt you down if you do which is the big Thing with otto. T^T hes unpredictable!!! especially now with arc 8 where hes been dragged through all these dangerous situations he did not sign up for and he just wants him and his friends to be safe but said friends want to save a whole country and NOW a sin archbishop alsdjflsjd.

like i really feel that hes so tired of things happening throughout his life out of control (remember his bad luck T^T and the way his dp used to fuck him over in his childhood? yeah T^T) that hes been trying to exert more and more control over his camp. bc like. vincent asking the emilia camp for help was nudged into that direction by otto. ottos also stepped a bit out of line by being hostile to julius and anastasia bc. otto that shit was unncessary aljsdlfjd theyre your camps allies!!!! and now ottos letting his camp be sus of louis by keeping quiet about her true intent. like otto is straight up like. hes kind of possessive of his camp isnt he? bc hes so fixated on making things go the way he wants (not that he wanted to help vollachia, but he wanted to help subaru and emilia which is why he pushed things in that direction, and now he wants to kill louis). it all makes me wonder if he'll ever have to use his dp against his camp given hes. kind of already doing that by lying to them - though itd probably be difficult to use his dp more actively against them if only bc they all already know what his dp is. theres no element of surprise there, but i think with the right circumstances he could possibly use it to figure out Something at least. bc like while he Does feel guilty, there is next to nothing stopping him from doing more shit on top of the shit hes been doing so far in arc 8 HAH. his moral compass is just literally broken and pointing straight down to hell. that mixed with his stubbornness and intellect and anger is like. well anyone going against otto is pretty fucked.

like. what is stopping him from sending a little bug to spy on subaru at all times. probably the fact that subaru and co. have a high chance of maybe noticing it and noticing that ottos keeping. too close of an eye on them. which would stop otto and his new declared "i walk in darkness" goal but all of this keeps making me wonder what lines otto WONT cross. and how far hes willing to go to do what he thinks is necessary to save his camp. and also what the consequences of his decisions will be.

but also like............................................... ok time for a crack theory of my own are you ready. anyway. can you imagine if ottos dp extended into fucking mind reading or something............ HAH.

[nottakingresponsibility]

"...Had a dream. Nightmare, really. It prevented me from going over the five hour rest limit, though. So I suppose I should be thankful.." He paused, as if he was debating actually saying anything. "It's all my fault, isn't it? Hah.. fucking dreams always putting me into the blame circle. It's almost funny, it seems like, really seems like, everything out there thinks I'm responsible for everything, even things I never asked for."

"...The other crew members were in it. All fucking.. dead, staring at me. Sitting up in these damn chairs like their bodies were just props. They treated me like I was the captain, which doesn't make sense, obviously." "Cause, first of all? How the hell are they talking. Corpses are meant to be just that, dead quiet. And ...Curly. God, Curly. He didn't even look like himself. I could hardly even control my movements, and before I knew it, the damn nightmare made- ...made me." "..How the hell do I even say that? That they forced me to cut into his damn flesh? I don't even know what they think happened to him in the first place, He was missing an eye, a lot of his skin, god... I don't even know. The details are foggy, I'm already trying to block them out." "He was covered in bandages. He ... they managed to keep him alive in such a state, and yet I still.." He sighed, putting his face in his shaking hands. Fuck, when had he started shaking? He didn't even realize it. Maybe he should try eating a bit earlier then, but.. he wasn't sure, maybe that would just make him feel more nauseous. "...Why was I the only one alive? ..No, Curly was alive. But he wasn't able to do anything, he was fucking helpless. It was upsetting to look at. He looked like he was in constant pain, and then I just cut off his damn leg anyway." "Just ...me and him, huh? When he was the sole focus the others really did look like they were just props, apart of some sick promotional fantasy of mine. I don't want to get up, my body hurts." "...But I have to, don't I? Can't get over five hours of rest anyway or my body will collapse, wouldn't that be such a shame."

[noxdont]

"Bound to You"

(Scaralumi Soulmates AU)

Scaramouche didn't bleed. Yet he could vividly feel the clean cut from a blade that wasn't even in the same space as him. Its sharp edge danced on his skin before the stinging sensation followed. After checking his surroundings, annoyance and confusion struck him both at the same time. If it were a Fatui agent then he would already have his hand wrapped around the rat’s neck. But there was no enemy nor any sense of danger in sight and the pain has yet to subside. Only after a few hours it had finally disappeared and he merely brushed it off as a minor inconvenience. Until the sensations keep coming back.

At the very beginning, he even thought of himself as being broken. The following sensations were not limited to pain but other emotions as well. Scaramouche could unconsciously and suddenly feel the odd excitement, the crestfallen disappointment and constant yearning at different times without any prior interaction that would cause such emotions. And it was beginning to irritate him.

He did not speak of these experiences to anyone else, most especially not to his fellow harbingers until one day he knelt on the ground and clutching his chest in pure agony.

"Well this is quite an interesting surprise.”

Unfortunately out of all people, the Doctor had to be the one to witness him in such a state. But if there was anyone else who could figure what was happening with him, Scaramouche would have no doubt that this arrogant prick would have an answer. And an answer he did have when Dottore managed to laugh his guts out in the open after Scaramouche explained his predicament in frustration.

“Are you done laughing like a madman or have you finally lost it?”

“Please do know that it was not my intention to offend you, Scaramouche. I simply did not expect a heartless being like you would ever be capable of having your own soulmate. Quite an interesting miracle I would say. Wouldn’t you agree?"

It seemed more like a cruel joke. Soulmates, to Scaramouche, have always been a mystery and another reminder of how different he was from what he silently yearned to be all those years ago. Soulmates in Teyvat share a special bond where involved parties are able to feel the other’s pain or strong emotions. For decades, Scaramouche never bothered looking for his own considering what he was in the first place and nothing significant or out of place occurred which made him think otherwise. Not until today it seems.

He didn’t know what to make of it. And before he could even stop himself from involving himself any further, it was already too late. Scaramouche grew more observant of the people around him– their reactions, their experiences and their emotions. He watched and silently sought out that ever invisible yet special connection until it led him to Liyue's solid grounds. Her name came up a few times amongst the Fatui since Signora brought the Anemo Archon's gnosis. A delicate looking stranger who managed to not only thwart the Abyss's plans and became Mondstadt's rising hero in a few days time.

"She may not be much of a problem now although I have a feeling she'll pose as a larger threat if we don't get rid of her soon." Signora's words left them all with a burning curiosity. But such curiosity soon led to interest after their swift encounter.

Lumine. Her name was as delicate as she looked yet the way she wields a blade erases any ideas that would portray her as some sort damsel in distress. Daring and reckless with a sickeningly pure heart. She was everything he hated and everything he couldn't achieve to be.

"You actually managed to find this place. Congratulations." He mocked.

All previous thoughts on his alleged soulmate long forgotten until he could sense the swelling anger coursing rapidly through his veins. And all it took was one look from her and then he knew.

"Hah. Barely two words in and you already look like you want me dead."

He couldn't believe it. Out of all the people in the world it just had to be her. Destiny truly is marvelous for crafting such a comical irony.

"You're getting all worked up over nothing. You've changed…"

In the end, what use would it be if he was fated with his own enemy?

"You're getting weak."

Scaramouche drank her fury link fine wine and it was richer than any kind of anger he has ever encountered. It was an interesting sight if he does say so himself. To watch the oh so righteous hero everyone looked up to slowly be poisoned by their own malice and grief. It almost made him want to hold her.

[sizeableseashell]

2024/8/21

Sometimes my mind feels so foggy. It feels like a veil has descended down upon my eyes. Everything is 420p.

I’m tired,

I’m scared

I’m unsettled. More unsettled than I should be for what I’m doing- taking a trip to see my cousins before I venture onwards to complete a life guarding course.

I hate my boyfriend.

I’m scared of my boyfriend.

I want my boyfriend.

These three states circulate within me.

Mostly right now I feel tired and a little nauseated.

Hot and cold and burnt all over.

Fatigued.

————

I have a new strategy to deal with my mum.

I feel so mad at my mum, often.

She’s defensive, I’m defensive- it’s a defensive little cycle.

I have trouble articulating the things that bother or upset me, because when I do my mum gets defensive, or sad. She could say the same about me.

What I do instead is get quiet and angry. My anger is a punishment.

I don’t like you

Says my anger

I’m mad at you.

I don’t like what you did.

It hurts my mom though, because she’s in a constant state of feeling like she did something wrong and not knowing what the thing is.

What would I say to my mom if I could say anything to my mom?

I feel like you’re agitated a lot, and that you get mad at me quite often. If I ask you to do something, like drive me somewhere, the tone of your voice reads as: you’re an inconvience. I feel that you have trouble being vulnerable and saying when you feel scared or sad.

That’s a lot to say to my mum, and even if I say it- I’m not sure what she can do to fix it.

Sometimes I sense my anxious mind wants to fix everything.

It wants to control the world so I never get a bad feeling ever.

This is unrealistic.

So, this is my strategy.

I look at my mum (and myself as well) as having some sort of emotional disability.

Internet articles would call this emotional immaturity. Maybe our fight or flight is activated. Maybe deep down we’re both feeling very, very scared.

What I say to myself is “Hey! This person has trouble processing emotions the same way other people do. This person is feeling scared or defensive right now. This has nothing to do with you, it’s not your fault.”

Then I try to do things so my mum knows she’s not in trouble and that I appreciate her.

I say thank you and I love you. I use a positive and encouraging tone.

When my mum is angry I try to deescalate.

This is sad because she’s my mum, but she’s also like a child.

I can be like a child too actually, with my boyfriend.

Recently I came downstairs and my mum looked really sad and mopey. She was kind of hunched over and dejected looking. She looked like a little kid. She was eating some chicken and salad she’d made, by herself on the counter.

I knew something was wrong but I didn’t ask. I’ve never known my mum to be upfront about things that are making her sad.

Later on, my dad came home. I heard her greet him, with an edge in her voice and I had a realization: Ah-hah! My mum was sad because she’d put a bunch of effort and time into making dinner and my dad was late coming home.

Sometimes I think my mum is sad about things, and doesn’t even know why. Or mad about things and doesn’t even know why.

We’re very similar- her and I. People say we look alike too.

The way I feel scared of my mum is how I feel scared of Elliott sometimes.

With Elliott it’s worse though, because he’s a guy and could actually hurt me.

I don’t think he ever would though, I feel blasphemous even writing it.

I don’t want to feel scared of Elliott, because I want to be close to him and being scared is a real barrier to closeness.

I’m scared he’ll deny and belittle me the way that was done to me in the past. I’m scared that I’ll let him. I’m scared that if I don’t fix every crack and fissure things will fall apart.

I’m scared of being alone again.

I would write more but I’ve actually got a bunch of work I need to do in the next 90min. See ya later.

-Pen

[penpaperandbooks]

I have got to vent rn.

She might read this she might not idk but I just have to.

So I'm ace and I like women romantically. However, I still experience aesthetic attraction as all people do.

But this one friend of mine, say A, has remained so fucking aphobic. SO. FUCKING. APHOBIC.

Here's a list of all the aphobic shit she's done to me:

1. Constantly makes sex jokes when I have explicitly stated that I am sex-repulsed.

2. Has constantly made me uncomfortable by -- wait for it -- SEXUALISING ANOTHER GIRL whom I said was attractive.

3. Constantly forgets that I am asexual and makes me uncomfortable by making up "scenarios"

4. And the most recent one, "but you still experience sexual attraction right?"

"no, I'm ace."

"...your supposed to get turned on."

"uhh no that's not true."

"no girl what's wrong with u your supposed to get turned on biologically."

5. I am slightly overweight for my age so she has taken it upon herself to bodyshame me every opportunity she gets.

Today she had the excellent idea to ask me if I had "back-boobs".

6. Is just an unpleasant person to be around due to her constant, denseness and idiocy.

7. Has some feeling that she can be a hypocrite and when people call her out on it they're the hypocrites.

8. Cannot for the life of God, respect boundaries

9. Had to make a snide comment on something or the other. To be clear, I am not referring to friendly banter but rather actual hurtful comments about stuff I accomplished such as a workout goal by saying "hah? You workout??"

I do not want to stoop to her level and bodyshame her but by God, does she make it difficult.

Please don't be like A. There's enough of her in the world already. Be like B, who is a great friend and while struggling with problems if her own still listens to me and sympathizes.

There's so much blatant aphobia despite constant efforts of trying to make them understand what the spectrum means.

[chaosjester666]

Hah seems like I can actually call the cops on my mother and Karen of a grandmother for what they did to me as a child, no matter what they say

Cause let's be honest, when your ELEMENTRY SCHOOLER child comes up to you to play because the father is in a diffrent state and only gets seen on holidays/school breaks and your reaction is a "later" and when your kid comes back 20min later and asks again and you tell them "later" again and then they come back in an hour to ask only to be told "if you ask one more time I won't play with you at all" and so you have scared the child away from asking only to never play mother or just telling the child a "no" or "I'm busy" when playing FUCKING SOLITAR grandmother and this happens so many times that the child stops asking and even to this day even when board games are bought the child will not ask for fear of being told no

As well as the child only being allowed the TV when their shows are playing which is only in the morning and then promptly being left to entertain themselves despite the fact that multiple teachers has mistaken the child for having adhd/autism and the child being quite bullied and the only friend they will have for the next 3-4 years being toxic but the child can not tell because for once some one actually wants to play with them

And then you give the child a phone so that when they are with the Father (who actually plays and makes an attempt at hanging out) and suddenly the child has access to entertainment at all times and suddenly the phone is the child's only form of entertainment and is the child's only safe space due to the constant reinforcement that they are not allowed to lock themselves away into their room to calm down or for a matter of fact be allowed to be upset with the adults so ofcourse the child gets attached and develops Nomophobia(the fear of being away from one's phone) and becomes overly attached to the internet

And due to the child being constantly ostersized and isolated at school despite informing the parents only for the parents to leave them at the school the child becomes overly attached to people who will actually hang out with the child causing the child to not notice the fact that those "friends" are toxic and manipulative which then causes the child when it goes into middle school to become a slight people pleaser towards friends which only isolates the child further until the child gives up making friends and finally sees that all prior "friends" were toxic and is finally able to see what true friendship is

Not to mention the fact that the child becomes so used to bottling up negative emotions that it worsens the child's anger issues (which only got so bad due to the fact that the parents refused to get the child therapy or actual outlits and would instead cause the child to lash out only to punish the child for having those feelings) and it eventually gets to the point that the child is nolonger able to properly express emotions

Not to mention the child's other traumas of therapists(due to the mother's therapist trying to force the child when it was still in kindergarten-3rd grade to explain why they would cause the mother emotional turmoil despite not hearing the child's side), expressing negative emotions, fear of that if they tell the truth they won't be believed or they will be punished(turning the child into a compulsive liar due to said fear)

And the parents wonder why the child is cold, sarcastic, rude, closed off, 'disrespectful'(how can one be disrespectful when they were never shown what respect truly looks like), untrusting, self isolated from family, emotionally manipulative(subconsciously), a compulsive liar, has severe anger issues, mildly depressed, paranoid, does not go to the parents for help, hides illness until it is so bad the child can not function(only to be called a liar and only wanting to get out of school or for attention), out of touch with feelings, and generally unable to reach out to family about issues. It's all because of the emotional neglect and border line emotion manipulation.

I did not mean to go on a rant about my shitty child hood but then again my parents just got mad at me for wanting to buy a game with my own money and then drawing me into a fight about how I act all while I have a migraine, my head is fuzzy, my face is going numb, I feel like I'm going to hurl, my legs are trying to give out, and I'm overheating so yeaaaaaaaaaaa

[jahanmp4]

“The peak of beauty is blooming” is such a grim sentence when you think about it.

Beauty is at its peak when in bloom, but will unavoidably wither afterwards, and gone it will be. A human could be called “past their prime” once their face starts to “wither” (the apparition of wrinkles), and most people love plants the best when they're in bloom, which only lasts a season.

It is clear that this sentence references k!Louis' unchanging features. He is immortal, he will always be “in full bloom” no matter how old he gets, he's quite literally frozen in time, and can control it, at least to some extent ???

[Unless him stopping time in LLTK was just for shits and giggles idk]

It always intrigued me as to why k!Louis was the King of Beauty/Aesthetics. He is the only king who arguably rules over, first of all, a CONCEPT, but also, a philosophical notion. Aesthetics are all about human perception and what is pleasing to us, but why ?

[I would argue that k!Dann's concept of Change could be taken literally, and his kingdom is called “Door to the Four Seasons” so that's a natural change to begin with.]

Did he become the King of Beauty solely because of his immortal status or was it a title he got from the beginning since he is, indeed, beautiful. k!Dann offers him a rosebud in LLTK, which symbolises young love, but also means that whomever receives it is beautiful/pure/innocent etc. LLTK's first sung line is literally “A child stuck in a time of loneliness”.

[I find it kind of sweet that k!Dann offers him this rose lol]

The painting also gets cracked. Though an obvious reference to The Picture of Dorian Gray, who was obsessed with looking young and beautiful (he would've loved Lana Del Rey), k!Louis' painting doesn't get old, it just simply becomes older itself as an object which is super interesting on so many different levels. First of all, when k!Louis looks at the painting, I'm not seeing any scorn or anger, only sadness and melancholy in Louis' eyes. The painting itself is doing something k!Louis himself isn't capable of and that's absolutely tragic. Second of all, it pulls us back to this concept of beauty that is put upon something or someone, and MAYBE, and that's a big maybe, k!Louis' definition of beauty is getting old, being normal.

Something that could also be a stretch but you know what I can do whatever I want HAH is that, not only do the masquerades in the MV refer to Mujin's line “Unfamiliar masks are dancing in the hall”, it could also represent k!Louis' unwillingness to like, see other people, and watch them grow old while he remains unchanged. He feels constant distress but the lyrics state several times that what keeps him going is his inner flame and his willingness to protect his kingdom : my man is SUFFERING. I wouldn't be surprised if it were canon that masquerades were mandatory at any parties k!Louis attends in Rose Garden. I think it's obvious his kingdom knows about his condition, you cannot hide your immortality when you are the king, so the masks aren't a way for him to conceal himself, but rather to put everyone on an equal footing of remaining unknown and a big part of their faces hidden.

It's also even eerier that the last thing we hear in Intro : Requiem is “Long live the king”. Now if you didn't know, this is part of a two sentence French saying that goes “The king is dead, long live the king !” («Le roi est mort, vive le roi !») as a way to acknowledge the person next in succession after a king's passing. There is no “The king is dead”, only “Long live the king”, because, well, k!Louis is immortal, yet the choreographer really wanted to represent Louis XVIth getting dragged to his death sentence *shlink* which is why Louis gets pulled backwards with the metal bars by the backup dancers. So there is some finality to k!Louis' story, to some extent.

LLTK's lyrics talk about a moment where good and evil collide and an inner-darkness that k!Louis chases off with his light until the sun rises (Jahan what the fuck are you doing my guy people are dying where are you), so he's holding on until the sun comes back. What will happen then actually ????? Will he finally come back to being mortal ??? I so wish that's the case, because this poor man seems nothing but miserable, just like the other kings to be honest.

Anyways, this was my 3-4am brainrot. Good night !

[janumun]

Sukuna giving Vessel hook up advice.

Vessel is lonely, craving sentiment; to touch, worship and love, receiving and giving. The Vessel wants to know people, befriend new minds, see sights alike. But shit they're a shy, nervous lad; sometimes ashamed to indulge lustful fantasies. It eats their heart on the inside. A sort of sad, longing for connection and companionship. As humans, we build to communicate and establish ourselves, for better or worse.

Vessel and Sukuna share a single body, interlocking them deep physically and mentally whether they want it or not. When the Vessel is happy there is a small shift-a soft wash of joy in Sukuna's stomach. It's strange, not humanly understandable for a King of Curses, but he can be weirdly content with it. When Vessel is sad or upset, Sukuna temporarily shares that specific emotion or feeling. And as much as Sukuna adores his Vessel's struggle. That sweet, delicious despair that gives him a classic sadistic kick, that doesn't mean he wants a constant uncomfortable environment, especially if it comes at an inedible expense of his pleasure.

He's incredibly bored, but not so bored as to deny himself comfort within his own caged space. Not when Sukuna knows he can do something about it, despite if he doesn't actually want to, only for his own merit, if it works it works. Pathetically human as it is.

Besides, in a certain way, he's getting something out of it too. Seeing you, feeling you, his adorable vessel, his body and mind, losing themselves in sinful moments of pleasure.

What does a King do, if not indulge?

Sukuna takes what he wants, steals whatever catches his interest. But it isn't possible in his current state within you, and you aren't willing to immorally kill/destroy either, that's out of the question. But that hardly means Sukuna is any less a smooth talker, experience aplenty on melting people with a sinister rumble in their ears. He is a master at flirting, at leading unfortunate people and eventual worshippers into the palms of their god, helping you pick up a long-time friend of yours at a bar will be no different. All men are the same at their cores; greedy meatbags.

You want this friend of yours quite badly, don't you? That worthless fool? Hah! Don't be so predictable brat, stop the denial, I ain't fucking stupid.

You dream of them, their fingers, their tongue, their flesh. You want to be eaten, savored and picked apart; you want to be all the flavors the royals dine for. You know better than to hide from me, brat. I know all your filthy little secrets, I felt them, saw them as you ate yourself from the inside out. That's right, I saw you.

Be honest with yourself. Admit all your desires, go in for the kill then take the weak fool home for the awaited flourishing. I grow impatient, go brat, you waste precious time.

(I'm sorry, but I think Sukuna can be oddly poetic when he wants to be, more so when he acknowledges the benefits.

Maybe this is where his obsession roots growth. You dream, desire-you think about all these people, indulging in their lust and bursting at the seams when they hold you close. Yeah, Sukuna definitely enjoys it too, its sex, what's there not to love? Maybe convinced you to let him take a bite. That seductive, cruel wet mouth sucking-teasing at your entrance, touching and poking passionately as your "lover" gives an admittedly impressive show. He can feel them like you do, pleasure you enjoy to the fullest, everything you share increased tenfold via your unique connection. Because of your apparent sensitivity, he can’t do too much suppression for pride’s sake, but Sukuna isn't complaining-not about to ruin everything, you finally gave in. As insulting and crude as Sukuna is, you both know it just tightens you up further, liquid excitement Sukuna drinks like his favorite sake. Feeding off your pleasure, adrenaline, a lusty high.

And you do this, ascend to Heaven, to fill the dark loneliness that threatens to devour you faster than even Sukuna would. Pitiful, you're a slave nature. Maybe he starts to realize just how delicious it really was, how his precious Vessel moved and moaned. Your nervous nature, your virgin perspective on self-indulgent activities and your eagerness to praise and adore your lovers, that addiction to the limit breaks of physical prowess. How far you will push yourself in and outside of privacy, you have a strong wish to prove yourself capable of anything, to take everything you do.

Sukuna once encouraged your one-night stands,

now he begins utterly loathing his suggestion.

 Because people-these insignificant strangers-saw you, desired you. It pisses him off, his source of pleasure knew them in ways not only by sight, that you agreed to lay amongst them but didn't turn a glance toward who really mattered when he actually went out of his way to help you gather those weaklings; lied right beside them, kissed unworthy skin when Sukuna was better in every way man could never hope to become.

It angers him further that you dream of them just as often. You house a god, the all-powerful King of Curses, who deserves nothing less than worship, praise, devotion and pleasure of all sorts. And he sees you, an admittedly worthwhile fool-someone whom he knows craves to give all of that and more-looks at mere mortals. You choose pathetic meatbags over a god who can generously gift you all the pain and pleasure you could ever wish, far more than what some random man or woman could ever live long enough to bless you with.

Those fools, you dare think him lesser?

Sukuna never felt more insulted in his entire immortal existence.)

2/

No worries over the fun Ask, Nonny. Displeased Curse King over his Vessel’s choice of lovers is something I eat up delightedly. 😋 He’s going to be slipping in, disrupting his Vessel’s sexual activities with those insignificant insects, forcing them to realize their King is the one who could truly make their body sing.

[brainz4sale]

I prefer just being teased and used tbh ૮ ´∩∩` ა

like cumming is nice but I just want to be in a constant state of ,,woof woof yes sir ah hah~,, when I’m subby you know? doing little tasks or following orders is my fav thing in the world and I could listen to my dom‘s insulting me forever <33

bdsm is much more than just touching to meeee it just makes me feel so safe and comfortable >< I‘M A WEIRDO OKAY??

So wet.

So needy.

So desperate.

And so fucking dumb if you think I'm letting you cum anytime soon.

[ethernetmeep]

it seems that recently i subconsciously end up comparing myself to others. it doesn’t usually pass the subconscious state, only orbiting around the very edge of it and then going back in— until now, letting myself realize it consciously.

its not like its a new thing, as ive always compared myself to other living creatures or animals— but the comparisons ive made recently seem funneled into the same subject. i constantly seem to compare and contrast my existence with someone elses— unsure why. i think its an ever present feeling of wondering the very daunting question of being ‘good enough’ for other people; specifically my friends, as random peers i don’t care what i may be to them.

its not like i wish to be viewed in an angelic light, nor do i wish to be perceived as a great person— i don’t necessarily need to be anything to someone else. i could simply be a traffic cone— hah, traffic cone— in their day-to-day and in the end i would have to learn to be fine with that. i just wish to know the answer to the question if im enough, is all. average, mediocre even. anything which answers the question.

…and of course, asking this aloud would be awkward. its not going to make a conversation flow well if i ask between rants of music and movies of what my friend im talking to in the present moment views of me*— quite the opposite. nevertheless, it’s a constant curiosity. although theres a heavy distinction between how my friend may view me and how they view my ‘good enough’ factor. in a simpler sentence— they can still view me as nice but realize what i do and what i speak of isn’t good enough for them.

..now that i go further into detail, i realize how dumb of a question this is. still, if there’s anything to take out of this, it’s that my friends opinions mean a lot to me.

*i do hope its known that im always happy to answer questions like this if they’re directed towards me, though— or talk about things like this. i may blank if put on the spot, but that doesn’t mean i don’t enjoy the subject. i’m quite fond of it! tonight actually i plan to write a bit of things i may say in response to a question like this; reason being one of my base responses is to call someone ‘interesting’ but not know how to go from there. will hopefully write a bit in my notebook and specify what parts are interesting and what i mean by the term.. won’t say these here, as it would get too long. or maybe i will. who knows!

[parasit-kind]

2. welcome to 2014

almost 3 months into..2014!!! so it seems as the oldies of gen z begin to feel their age and yearn for their short lived memories... enter the 2014 revival. reborn are the lipsync tiktoks in imitation of musically and the carefully curated instagram layouts, but... doesn’t it all seem too desperate...

it’s a feeling that i have myself, the desire for these days to return. i have had conversations with my parents regarding the nostalgia they feel, and their responses have been fairly. mundane. to say the least. perhaps a human cannot voice their thoughts with the utmost emotion, but as to what i feel in the midst of the 2014 resurgence, i feel .. a bit desolate.

getting older is something that i have not been able to accept, and i may never ever accept it.. i cling onto this era as if i meant something to it, and not only it to me, as though i was one of the faces that appeared if one were to search ‘tumblr face model’. (remember those..) i wasn’t; in fact, in 2014, i was only 10. my tumblr era only came to pass two years later, and then, already, was my anguish and longing for a reversal back from 2016 to 2014 strongly present. the bands i admired had peaked and were on what i - and many other late comers to the tumblr scene would soon find out - the last of their short-lived fame. one direction had dissolved, the blurryface tour was over, fall out boy was about to change their sound forever, halsey’s badlands was already tiring out my ears after constant repeat... the offenses go on. i had arrived too late.

when the nostalgia begins in a desperate state, the feeling of “if only i had known a bit sooner”, of “it was just barely a year ago”, the sense of something being so close but absolutely impossible to meet, then the hopeless knot will only swell. hopelessly did i keep my grip on albums that had long phased out of radio play and on youtube videos that were beginning to accumulate dust (hah.. if they were old then, then what should i call them now? figments of the past? my imaginations?). the rebirth of 2014 is something i wish i could connect to, but it only makes me more and more sorrowful. a reminder of what i missed, what i will never get back. it’s a shame, living in the past like this, unable to accept age, can’t ever stand and move forward.

well. what do i do as a person living in 2014>??? explained!

youtube - old gameplays as my white noise. if its not stampy, its pewdiepie, and if not pewdiepie, it is markiplier. in reality, i used to watch exclusively dan and phil, though i say exclusively only in the sense that i cannot for the life of me remember who else i used to enjoy (oh child brain. small and discarding). dan and phil, however, are now intangible to me. i do not watch any new uploads, of course, not of any of the aforementioned creators, nor in general, but for the dan and phil duo, i find that their content has become for me unbearable. perhaps it is something akin to too intense a feeling. i’m uncomfortable with the elapsed time i spent with them previously. it’s like trying on pants meant to fit but being in reality too small; recognizable, something reliable, but a feeling that something is wrong, unusual. i find something else..

music - i praise music for its longevity. whereas youtubers come and go, and videos are deleted and forgotten, music seems to live on and on. take, for example, the life of a 70s tv shows versus that of a 70s song.. i would imagine the song has remained more potent. visual media tends to get lost, while audio travels by ear, and consequently, by mouth. songs of the tumblr era are in no way misplaced. rather, this is a medium that many seem to agree upon as having been of particular heavy influence. the 1975, troye sivan, one direction, twenty one pilots. mayhaps they’ve come and gone out of favor, but the recordings of old songs remain. it is strange indeed, the tolerance for old songs, but something in a tune is peculiarly able to trigger emotion within a human. 

clothing - my final reliable, and regretfully, the practice that has experienced the most shift in public opinion and execution. i find comfort in the articles of the tumblr era, but it is, for many in this day, a symbol of something far more sinister, a distress surrounding the romantic obsession with the sick and lifeless. perhaps i will cover this more thoroughly later, but really, if i was happier then than i am now, could it have been so terrible... fashion was an important indicator of the ‘us’es and the others in 2014, and so it remains now, but there is a feeling of shame to return to it. no longer are we, the ‘us’es, able to be understood by those younger than us. this was naturally not an issue in 2014, when we were the young ones, unable to judge ourselves. so again... we have gone from being oh so misunderstood to being such once again. it’s a futile cycle for those that long for the return of 2014, never feeling unity with the present world, yet never having been united with that moment of the past. it is, really, like standing in the middle of a zebra crossing, but the road is completely desolate. you’ve forgotten your directions, your lefts, rights, and norths, souths. you’ve misstepped and can’t recall if you were moving forward or backward. you’re thinking at once, “where should i go?”, “why am i alone?”, “what should i do now?”

time is the only stable value in a human life, but what is one to do when time has for them become distorted...

here’s to 2014 |-/ ✉️

>parasitka პარაზიტკა

p.s. i reckon i will make a post of some tumblr era interests of mine soon, something less fatalist...

[writer-komaru]

Gn!Reader relationship HC’s with Hajime and Nagito

Anon!~

(Is it just me or is it really fun to write Nagito? Just me? Hehe okay-)

(Art not mine, just wanted to find something with Komaru and these doofs in it <\3)

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» [I do Adore] «

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All I can say is his vibe is a mixture of tsundere and virgin, all together in one complicated bundle of a guy. I might (and probably am) wrong with my assumption, but ever since he hit puberty, he never got out of it. The conglomeration of all of his “teenage hormones and emotions” are a constant threatening maelstrom in his mind. Either it be breaking out in a wide, fiery blush at just the smallest graze of a girl's hand on his arm while walking down the halls of his school or his spontaneous fits of anger when something frustrates him, even if it’s just as small as a slightly poor grade on a test. But thankfully it doesn’t happen all the time, to his immense relief. But, all of that crashed out of the window ever since he met you.

He isn’t a nervous kind of guy, but when he is around you, he can feel his heart beating ten thousand times a second.

Whenever you even just sit next to him while you both are eating lunch, there is something in the back of his mind telling him to freak out. But, he manages to suppress it. Barely.

He would blush a LOT! Like, I mean a lot! His face would be red beyond belief, burning up like he has a fever, sweat dripping down his forehead.

And if you either ask him why he is so flustered or check him for a fever by putting the back of your hand against his head, he will combust.

“I-I! U-Um it’s n-Nothing! Hah- uh- I- It’s the sun! I-It’s too hot out here… t-that’s all.”

And if you ever tease him for being so flustered, expect this himbo to melt into a red puddle of shame.

“Ah! D-Don’t look at me! L-Leave me alone!”

Just give him a few seconds to calm down by telling him it’s okay and letting him breathe and he’ll be fine. A little bit shaky, but fine.

But, you better savor this phase of your relationship with him for as long as you can, because after a few weeks or a month, he will become accustomed to his overwhelming feelings and start to mellow out.

Yes, he will still be very blushy, even to little things, but he wouldn’t have full on episodes anymore.

For the most part.

If, for example, he were to accidentally fall against you or, even worse, on top of you, he will go right back to his, what I call, “virgin state” of constant apologies, a red, blushing face, and covering his embarrassing expression with his hands. Poor guy :(

Your relationship with him is otherwise pretty calm.

He would try his best to hang out with you as much as he can, either it be trying to be your partner when working on school projects, having lunch with you, or walking you home after school. Maybe even hanging at your or his house? 0///0

He really likes being around you. Even while being in the reserve course where he is constantly reminded about how he is just barely not good enough, being with you makes it all a lot more bearable.

(Actually, with enough affection and convincing on your part, I bet you could stop him from signing up for the project that turned him into Izuru- 👀)

He loves to take you places to hang out! Not like restaurants (at least not all the time-) but like local places like around hope's peak or the town. Like the place where he met Chiaki. He likes that sense of not being around a lot of other people, it makes him a lot more comfortable. Not that he is shy, per sé, he just doesn’t like people sometimes.

Though… sometimes he has his.. dumb moments.

It’s hard for him to pick up on context clues sometimes. (He is a himbo after all)

He can’t help it, he tries his best.

So if you ask him for help on your homework or projects, he would try his best, of course…. But it would probably be a smarter idea if you asked someone else.

Oh, and I totally recommend calling him a himbo if he does something dumb. At first he wouldn’t know what himbo even means, but after you tell him, he will get all blushy and deny everything, trying to defend himself. But deep down, he thinks…

“Am I… really a himbo? ….. Maybe… *cries*”

Over all, an 8/10 on the boyfriend scale. Loyal, fun, and an absolute dream to tease.

If he says he doesn’t like it, that’s as big of a lie as saying Kokichi doesn't lie. <3

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» [meant to be yours ] «

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First off, this is a tough one. It’s hard for Nagito to fall in love for two reasons.

Number one, he has a fixation on ultimates, so if you don’t have an ultimate, the likelihood of him wanting to get to know you, let alone even noticing you to begin with is close to none. (I’m sorry, but I feel like when this boy is fixated on something, he can’t look at anything else) but if you are an ultimate… anything, no matter how obscure, he will treat you a lot better.

Number two, he has pretty much lost everyone who loved him, His family, friends, even pets, all because of him and his luck. (Even though it’s not his fault.) he went through all the stages of grief so much at such a young age, he just assumed it was his fault. It was the only thing that made sense. Therefore, he distances himself from making meaningful relationships. At least most of the time, because there are exceptions. For example, the ultimates! He wouldn’t want to become too close to them, he sees himself as trash anyways, but close enough so that he can lift them higher up.

But guess who is also an exception?

You!

Either if it was the moment he saw you or after a couple months of getting to know you, he could absolutely tell he was in love.

And do you know what he did?

He hid it.

He wasn’t going to taint the shining ultimates, symbols of hope, with his scummy self, not even if his feelings were literally gnawing at him from the inside.

He would just push it away. So it’s up to you to make the first move.

And once you do…

He will be utterly surprised, and also very fucking scared. You, an ultimate, likes… him? Huh? (You know the voice line ;)) His brain starts to think about how his luck could mess it up, about how it has messed up his life before. About how he has messed up his life before.

But, then he realizes something.

You spend time with him, give him small gifts, and even walk with him to his house sometimes. And now you are confessing your love to someone like him?

This must mean…

You have the most bright, shining, glorious hope of all time!!! Your hope absolutely eclipse the rest of the ultimates!

And he will quickly go from a nervous, put pretty normal expression, to absolutely freaking the fuck out. He will be blushing beyond belief, hyperventilating, shaking arms wrapped firmly around his trembling body.

And even worse?

He collapses onto the ground.

You panic. What in the world?! Is he alright?! You run over to him and as soon as you see is practically fucked out expression, you know he is more than alright.

He now believes that because of him literally just being himself, he created the most beautiful hope of all!

So it's a no brainer why he would be reacting like this.

But anyways, enough with my self indulgence, my apologies.

He would be such a good boyfriend!

Almost… too good.

What are the pros and cons, you may ask? Well…

Pros!

He will dote on you EVERY DAY, all the time, constantly. He will help you remember to eat, drink, or even things you just forgot, he will help you with your studies, fuck it, he would literally turn into your personal maid if you wanted.

He is soooo incredibly supportive! (As long as your actions are for hope, of course. But all your actions are for hope, you're literally the ultimate hope!) Every word that falls from his mouth is either praise or comfort. He only ever criticizes you if you are too hard on yourself or don’t see yourself the way he does.

Very flexible, if that’s something you care about. If plans change, either by chance or by you, especially by you, he will just go with the flow. He pretty much always has gone with the flow throughout his whole life due to his luck cycle. So if you suddenly want to be spontaneous, he will follow right behind you with a happy smile.

Cons?

A little… overbearing. As mentioned in the pros, he dotes on you a lot. It’s a way he feels like he is being useful to you. But it can because a little much at times. For example, it will take a lot of convincing on your part for him to actually feel comfortable letting you cook, or even cook together for that matter. It’s mostly because of his worry that his luck will cause something bad to happen to you, even if he isn’t physically present. He just cares a lot about you, okay? He can’t help but shelter you. So if you are a free spirit, having some.. talks with him about boundaries would be very helpful.

Very overprotective, as kinda mentions in the one up here 👆. If you get hurt, or are even in a dangerous situation, his instincts to keep you safe at all times will kick in. He might think that you getting hurt will just cause your hope to become ever brighter, but he realizes how much you absolutely hate it when you are hurt or in a dangerous situation, so he will try his best to protect you instead. And, Auta forbid, if you get bullied. He will unleash everything and anything he has upon his new enemy/enemies. You saw how intricite his plan of murder was in Goodbye Dispear, now imagine that, but 5 times worse. He honestly asked you if you needed help… disposing of your bullies, we’re he would “round them up and scold them” and you would… finish the job. He wanted your hope to grow even stronger! But, of course, you declined.

But, this only meant for a “change of plans”.

The school system didn’t even notice they were gone until it had been a few months, and by that point, no one had any leads. The case went cold before anyone could even open a file.

So… maybe talk to him about… other ways to stop bullies.

Over all, 8/10 on the boyfriend scale. Very supportive, passionate, and easy going, but a little psychotic and borderline yandere at times. Your foes better be watching their backs at all times or else they might lose them.

/(*⁰▿⁰*)\ <3!

[verinarin]

i think sub!matt would be obsessed with reader’s neck since he can hear her pulse there the best.

at first it’d be wholesome (warm hugs where he’d bury his face in her neck and breathe her in).

but slowly it would get more intimate… matt would plant a million soft kisses on her neck, caressing her waist, reducing her to a puddle of desperate breaths 😫

Oh god… 😮‍💨

I could already imagine the smugness on his face when you’re breath hitched. Okay, let me paint a picture for you anon..

Warning: 18+ NSFW

It was an innocent activity that you usually partake with Matt, nothing more than sitting on his lap, facing him while reading a novel that you just bought for the weekends.

It’s a customary thing you’ve been doing since you dated him, you’ll pick up a short novel you could finish in two days and then you’ll read it for him, like a short story telling of some sorts.

Now then, today he seems a bit off.

You usually would rest your head on his chest while softly reading the novel, his arms would wrap around your waist as his rest his head on top of yours.

But today he had been burying his face on your neck, it’s not like you don’t enjoy it ,but it makes you harder to read since you have to wrap your arms around his neck to properly do so.

It was going well until he starts kissing your soft skin, your neck to be precise. It’s innocent yet you could feel that he’s conspiring into something more ….intimate.

You couldn’t help but slightly moan because of the friction he made by kissing your neck.

“Matthew,” you whisper beside his ear, he answered with a simple hum as he continued to kiss your neck, but this time his tongue is involved, gently licking and sucking your neck.

“Nghnn…what do you think you’re doing ? ” you whine, resting your face on his shoulder because of his restless onslaught on your neck.

“M’mm just kissing your neck that’s all, sweetheart,” he says between teasing your neck with his so called ‘kisses’.

“Hah~, m’not gonna finish if you keep this up, Matthew,” you sniffle, your novel was already dropped on the floor some time ago to let your hands wrap around his neck for support.

“Honestly, I wasn’t even paying attention,” he chuckles, his fingers circling your back as he goes even further with his teasing.

Now he’s straights up marking your neck with hickeys.

“Tch, rude,” you scoff at him, he is enjoying himself proofed by his constant whines and moans while marking you.

“Sorry dear, but your neck was just too delectable to pass on,” he says between his moan, now he moves to the other side of your neck.

It’s too much, but you can’t decide whether you want it to stop or want more.

“Matthew, please stop,” your breath hitch, you were doing your best to keep your whines and moans at bay, he certainly doesn’t appreciate it.

“I can’t stop, please I need this,need you,” he whines, now he moves even further to your collar boner, nibbling the skin softly.

“Not now, I was reading,” you can’t seem to hold back your whines and moans anymore, you could feel his lips slightly curving like he was smirking at the fact he made you let down your guard.

“Why are you grinding on my thighs then ?, sweetheart,” it seems that he also picked up your unsubconscious action along the way.

Now you’re kind of pissed off with his attitude.

“I’m not, don’t be cocky, Matthew,” you harshly admit, which fuels him even more. It was like he’s been teasing you to make you mad.

“I’m just stating facts,” his tone was cocky, too much cocky for your liking. Being cocky is a charm of his, but he needs to be put down to his place, and he’s probably waiting for it.

“You gonna seat here kissing my whole body ? ” you intertwine your fingers into his hair while he’s occupied with both of your neck and collar bone with his fingers fiddling with the buttons of your shirt.

“Maybe ? ” he have the audacity to actually tease you, when you both knew who really wants this in the first place.

Suddenly your grab the collar of his shirt and drag his face from your neck towards your face, you could see his lust-driven smile.

“Better use that smart mouth of yours on something more, rather than teasing the hell out of my neck,” you whisper beside his ear, you could feel his breath getting slightly heavier.

“Fuck, yes please,” he whines, which is cute but you need more.

“What’s the magic word, Matty,” you purr, your finger circling his broad chest slowly.

You knew how Matty affects him, he gets even more needy when you called him that.

“Fuck, please let me eat out that sweet pussy of yours,” he begs, which was pretty decent and you won’t let the poor boy suffer anymore.

He always wants your attention in every shape or form.

“Good boy,”