#haemin the loml

[turning4-8turn]

Final Sketch Ending Fairies🧚‍♂️

오늘 엔딩요정🧚‍♂️ 今日 エンディング妖精🧚‍♂️

[230809]

Myungho☆

Haemin♡

[rizzhyuck]

the truth untold. , i thought you said "tree tong tong". didn't he say treatment???

lomls line <3

[woonhakist]

i will literally do a nose dive off the top of the empire state this is the most pain ive been in since jay was announced p10 in boys planet like my chest is pulsating w pain rn the combination of haemin and minkkumaz angst is absolutely deadly and should be banned in a minimum of 20 countries

ugh to think that haemin going out more often couldve been something as positive and simple as him just coming out of his shell but all it was was him wanting to stay away from reader holy shit the idea of someone going against their normal behaviors to stay away from u is such a painful thought and since this is JUNG HAEMIN it burns like my heart was thrown on those hot coals ppl walk on and left there forever like an incredibly overcooked steak

then the slow transition from a happy loving relationship to something completely onesided is like the most excruciatingly painful process to imagine and having to read it abt the loml has me rocking back and forth … someone fucking detain me before i go clinically insane “‘bye’ and not ‘i love you more’” please id rather have an anvil drop on my head like im wile e coyote than have to go through that

god and haemin practically discarding reader like they were nothing when all they wanted to do was talk to their boyfriend that they missed … i felt like i got shot through the heart and someone (HAEMIN) twisted the arrow like a little bitch then reader just took it and accepted the blame … oh the PAIN

and then the argument right after that … i dont even know where to start like i was lowkey touched by haemin being like “ik u get agitated when ur in public for too long” then everything got thrown out the window and stomped on at everything else he said afterwards like “i just want to live without u bothering me constantly” but reader just wants to be w u DAWG WHYYYY then holy shit the “it means im having a hard time pretending like i havent fallen out of love w u” right after it srsly ran me over a minimum of 100 times then walked away like nothing ever happened like IT HURT SO FUCKIN BAD U DIDNT HAVE TO SAY IT LIKE THAT HAEMIN LET ME DOWN EASY

then haemin trying to tell reader they lied abt the things HE said and the promises HE couldnt keep and tried to turn the tables like “i cant be w someone who isnt mature enough to understand when i need time away” and it hurt even more when reader thought that obeying him would bring him back …. god it gave me flashbacks to how my dynamic was w [REDACTED] and it near killed me

god then the stalking of his social media and seeing how quickly he moved on but reader was no where near that srsly hit the bullseye and did circles around it UGH then reader seeing everything that used to be reserved for them now used for another bitch … haemin in his recycled hoe era like damn saving the environment but not readers feelings

bye and this isnt mentioned in the story at all but i can imagine haemin gossiping and complaining w kyungmin and the gang abt reader and that hurts like 100 times worse like haemin hating u is bad enough but the thought of his friends hating u too for sumn that isnt even ur fault is so very foul

i do really like readers journey on forgetting abt haemin and loving themself (reader realizing that theyre the star was so cute actually bye) but no ending is happy if haemin isnt in it sorry realistically id never be happy again knowing haemin fuckin hates me goodbye

this whole thing was so incredibly amazing and it seriously beat me the fuck up where it absolutely hurt like those tears and those ice cream sandwiches were no joke holy fuck u broke my heart w this one dawg u should literally be insanely proud of urself for this one my GOD

everything u wanted to get across was executed so well and attacked me like a thousand man army like sumn can hurt but it cant HURT as much as this did … lord bless rin for releasing that song cuz without it u wouldnt have released this godsent haemin fic this should be put in a tumblr museum or sumn (it shouldnt actually cuz i want to gatekeep this from the world like its rapunzel and im mother gothel)

and im not sure how to put into words how ecstatic i am that you wrote ANOTHER fic for me like dedicating prince sungho to me and writing glitter on our blushed cheeks for me was WAYYY more than enough but this … omfg … this was probably one of the last things i ever expected (props to u for keeping it a secret) but i could not be any more grateful than i am rn to have this written for me like u have to be an angel sent from heaven or sumn (did it hurt when u fell from heaven Lol) cuz this u r fuckin CRAZY for doing all of this for me 😢

welcome to another episode of “omi writes a gorgeous fic and jordan goes bananas over it” but its the “omi wrote it for jordan and jordan doesnt know what to do with herself” edition like god this isnt even JUST an omi banger … its something like a million times more intense … like idek a word for it but its kinda like a “i want this tattooed on my entire body” kind of thing 😢 but for lack of a better word CHEERS TO MY FAVORITE OMI BANGER TO EVER EXIST IN THE HISTORY OF MINKKUMAZVERSE EVER THIS ONE OVERWRITES EVERY PAST FAV OMI BANGER (im gonna say this abt so many of ur fics but that just goes to show how much i love ur writing) 🥂

YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO FEEL UNLOVED

there used to be so much love there, just two people completely infatuated with one another. you've been through so much with haemin, and you thought maybe he'd fight for your relationship. but even after all this hurt part of you still loved him.

PAIRING jung haemin x fem!reader WC 2.0k TAGS lovers to exes. angst. growing apart. asshole haemin. somewhat a timeline of denial to acceptance. miscommunication. OMI NOTE another little something for my @woonhakist because i love writing for her. except unlike prince sungho it's actually angst. sorry sungho ur getting booted out of this. this has been in my drafts for about a month but now i'm motivated to get it done for u hehe. i hope you like. ^_^ (inspired by just me by rin)

the skys were clouded with pillows of dark gray. it had been rainy recently, the smell of wet pavement becoming more distinguishable as it continued. you wanted to assume that maybe it was his fault. the reason behind why your days were always so dark.

it was common to fear the unknown. being innocently unaware of what was going on behind the scenes was slowly eating at your insides; making you feel as if you were the dead carcass of a street animal, being fed on by rats.

things were different recently, he was different. haemin was going out more than usual, a breath of fresh air in comparison to the introverted persona you were used to. despite your worries, he convince you that you didn’t need to know where he was all the time.

“i’m just hanging out with kyungmin and a few other friends. do you have to be so worried?” he groaned.

“it’s not like that, haem! i just got curious…”

shouldn’t you be glad? that feeling of relief knowing he was blooming into a person that could celebrate with others. it was growth, but not in the way you expected. more or less, he was growing into someone unrecognizable.

phone dials were met with an empty line. and even when he did answer, he ended the call with a simple ‘bye’ and not ‘i love you more.’

still, you loved him to the moon and back. every couple went through a rough patch, you understood that when you agreed to be with him. though it was difficult to convince yourself you were content with how things were playing out.

often you took long walks to distract yourself from the unread text messages. it was this time at noon that was most gloomy. your umbrella collected droplets of water, dripping down the side to barely avoid you.

you saw couples on the streets, holding hands happily. they took photos together and shared hot drinks with eachother to battle the slight cold. you envied them.

because in your head, that position seemed almost unreachable. he was so far away from you, farther than you could even realize. what used to be something special between your heart and his wasn’t recognizable.

that day, you stopped going on walks. everything reminded you of the boy that was falling out of love. you came home quickly, trying to outrun your own thoughts. the bronze plate with your apartment number came into view as you dug through your bag to get the keys.

fumbling with the lock for a second, you finally open up to your home. immediately your gaze lands on an extra pair of shoes by the door, making your heart skip a beat slightly. tugging off your own, you set down your umbrella in a corner to dry.

when walking farther into the house, you see haemin sitting comfortably on the couch. he looked busy on his cell phone, paying almost no mind to your presence.

“haem! i didn’t know you would be home, where were you?” you smile fondly, letting yourself sit next to him.

“oh. i was just out for a bit.” he barley acknowledged your existence, angling his phone slightly away from your view. you noticed this, but said nothing.

“did you have fun? it was pretty rainy out today so i hope you weren’t cold.”

“yeah, it was fine.”

“that’s good! did you eat while you were out? i can always make us something for dinner, though i do need to get some groceries–”

“are you done with your questions?” he said bitterly, setting down the device to look at you.

“i’m sorry haem, we just haven’t spoken in awhile and i wanted to see how your day was.” you said in a whisper.

“don’t be so clingy, y/n. we see eachother everyday.” he tells you.

“oh. you’re right, i don’t know why i was being so silly.”

“mhm.” he mumbles under his breath before getting up from his seat towards the bathroom. 

after the door shut behind him, the pit at the bottom of your stomach grew deeper. this wasn’t like him at all. the excitement that would underlie his stoic demeanor because all the love he had for you was overflowing disappeared. could you even call it love when you didn’t exactly know what it was?

every romantic word hes ever told you felt meaningless; what happened to ‘you’re so pretty, y/n. you’re so sweet?’

you could hear haemin’s muffled voice from down the hall, before movement of caps and containers echoed the bathroom walls. it sounded like he was on a call with somebody. he came out soon after, shaking the remaining drops of water off of his clean hands. 

“i’m going out.” he calls out to you before pulling his coat off the rack.

“wait! didn’t you just go out? i can go with you if you’d like!”

“no, i’ll be out late and i know you get agitated if you’re in public for too long.”

“can’t you just stay in for a little then? what about a movie night like we always used to have?” you rushed over to him, desperate to spend any sort of time together, “i just miss you haem..”

“did anything i say get into your head? you don’t need to so clingy, i’m just going out with a couple friends.”

“haemin…” you reached out to his hand, fingertips barely getting the chance to touch him before he was pulling away like you were the plague.

“god. i can’t do this anymore, y/n. i just want to live without you bothering me constantly!” he complains, sliding both of his shoes on forcefully.

“what is that supposed to mean?” you furrow your eyebrows worriedly.

“it means that i’m having a hard time pretending like i haven’t fallen out of love with you.” he sighs, “just give it a break, y/n. you knew were never going to last."

it felt like your world was collapsing around you. there was a confused look on his face as you stood there silently, trying not to cry. you wondered what it felt like to die, and if it felt anything like this.

they say your life flashes before your eyes, yet all that flashed was memories of what you and haemin used to be. you felt stupid to think that maybe it was salvageable, but the sorry truth hurt much more than this ill fantasy.

“but you promised me. you promised me that we would work through everything together, haem. was that a lie?” you choked.

“i wouldn’t make an empty promise like that, don’t twist my words.” he muttered.

“i’m not twisting anything! when you first confessed to me you said so many sweet things and promised to always–”

“i said give it up. that was almost a year ago, okay? you can’t expect me to keep a promise like that for so long.”

“are you serious right now haemin? after all that we’ve been through?” you uttered with a hurt tone.

“i cared about you, okay? but i can’t handle this anymore.”

“you’re my first boyfriend, i– i can’t let you go without at least talking first!” your words came out as a broken sob, but haemin only looked at you with disgust.

“and you were my worst.” he scoffed, “i can’t be with someone who isn’t mature enough to understand when i need time away.”

“but–”

“don’t even look at me right now, y/n.. i don’t want to hear you speak. i’ll come back and get my things later.” he leaves you with a bitter ending, before leaving out the door.

watching the love of your life leave you with no closure and not a second word was starting to physically pain you. you felt yourself drop to your knees as his sentences rung in your mind, stringing themselves into a sequence of utmost heartbreak.

cold hardwood floors comforted the red - hot heat that began to rise up your face like a wild fire. you were embarrassed of yourself, disappointed that you couldn’t grow enough for him to see you. see that you could change.

and while he was out with no doubt in his mind that he made the right decision, your world was shattering in the comfort of the home you used to share with him.

the only time he messaged you was him asking for you to pack up all of his stuff for an easier pickup. it was clear he didn’t want to see you anymore than he had to. would he see how mature you had become in the four hours he was gone if you obeyed him?

boxing up all of his things neatly, you stripped every memory the two of you ever shared together. your house feeling ever so empty from the lack of love, trapped in between cardboard walls. 

for what it was worth, you attempted to write a note to send off with him. however, your vision was too blurry with your tears, and you couldn’t keep them in. the smudged ink added for dramatic effect, but it was too much that it was impossible to read coherent words.

your head was scrambled everywhere, and for a second you thought he was right when he said you were immature. it felt like when you were back in highschool giving him silly love notes to hide in his backpack pocket. it reminded you of how he said that they were all still there, as he never bothered to clean them out.

why couldn’t things be the way that they used to? throwing away so much because there was a lack of communication. you wanted to see him, be with him. feel the pure touch of his lips sending shockwaves to your beating heart.

but since that day, you never saw him once. rushing to grab all of his things and get out of your life, barely escaping your desperate grasp. what was once a fond moment became a distant daydream.

you were so blinded by your infatuation for him, despite the fact he never thought of you like that. once again you failed to understand much.

and things only got harder from then on, your plush pillow absorbing your tears. the air in your room only grew heavier as time continued. 

at first days, then weeks, and months were going by that you gave him so much love from afar. a comfortable distance through your phone screen where he couldn’t spit such hurtful words to you again. it was difficult to bear with his selfish sense of care.

stalking him on social media didn’t get you anywhere really. he already moved on from you. though you were unsure whether your jealousy blossomed from the fact that she was beautiful, or that he moved on extremely fast. maybe it was both.

posts of his hand intertwined with hers, captioned with cheesy song lyrics that used to hold so much meaning to you. your music taste always tended to rub off on him. 

there were long paragraphs declaring how much she meant to him, and how she was such a breath of fresh air in comparison to his past relationships. these sacred words that used to be yours. and while you remembered what the two of you had together, he could only think of her.

still, you loved him.

but things got easier, even when you thought they wouldn’t. it took some time for you to realize that being alone was a lot easier on the heart. 

there was a big takeaway from this, being that the only thing he taught you what it was like to feel unloved. though everything that happened when things were okay, you’d never take for granted. 

the sky felt brighter, and you made your walks frequent again. you remembered thinking how dreary he’d make your days seem, but it felt like you were finally able to see the sun again. because throughout the multitude of stars in the galaxy, one always shone the brightest.

even when you were blinded by a haze, it was still there. maybe you were the star.

© 2023 minkkumaz, all rights reserved support your writers by reblogging + giving feedback! it is greatly encouraged and appreciated. thank you! → why feedback + reblogging is so important. ~ (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ if you'd like, donate to minkkumaz !

[ningyizh]

By the time, this is posted, I'm no longer here but everyone take care, at least for me, if you loved me <3

@so-jays loml I'm so glad you came back but I'm sorry I couldn't stay. But you know it's time I stop being a coward and tell you how I feel, yeah? To be honest I'm really glad that I had you in my life and I love you a lot, yes more than friends and even out of the whole RP, I loved you for a longgg time and I really hoped I could tell this to you but now you know <3 I love you, and I love EVERYTIME you called me your angel, told me you love me and called me your one and only, and the dates we planned, our little lantern festival date, stargazing and cat cafe dates and everything was so dreamy,you only made me feel so warm and so loved and cared and that only made me greedy more , you treated me in the best way possible and I'm so so glad baby :( but I'm really really glad that you're now fine, and please take care of yourself, at least for your angel <3 I love you a lot btw mixtape : oh will forever be our song, okay love? Pinky promise me :( nini loves sof a lot lot lot mwah <3 if you ever loved me, please take care of yourself ❤️ nini will always wish you the best because you're the best and you deserve the whole world ❤️

@pengu-hours BABY PENGUUU ! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THIS ALWAYS OKAY????? YOU were my very first friend here and I will forever and ever remember you :( I still remember when I was your kitty Hwall, I hope I made you happy for a little :( because you're so so precious :( and you always treated me like a baby and I really loved that. I really thought you're an angel for always helping everyone out and everything, but can I request you something? One last time, please? Will you talk to ray? Please? He misses you a lot, and I know you miss him a lot too, so please I really hope both of you become friends again :( it hurts me to think how you two were so good friends and all of a sudden things changed because of some mere misunderstanding :( you two are really really nice and precious, please I hope you two make up soon :( that's my last wish and my last request to you, baby pengu. Nini loves you a lot ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@en-cityzen mama Mia ❤️ I appreciate you a lot for the times you checked up on me and for the times you have me courage and told me all the good things that I thought I never deserved to hear :( but I want to tell you a little thing and that is, you're an angel, and everyone loves taking advantage of an angel. Please take care of yourself and never let anyone hurt you yeah? You're too precious and I hope everyone treats you the same <3

And to all the people I've interact in DMS and dash : @seo-thicc-bin ily zaf @jeontaeil ily Charlie thank you for adding me to the server, made me feel included ❤️

@/ HAEMIN : are you here? :( You aren't here my bear :( but your catto still loves you ok? Don't forget that mwah

@jaylaxies ariaaaa I love you so much bestie ❤️ thank you so much for making me feel less sad for the whole week, please take care of yourself ❤️

@shinramyeonz we didn't get to talk more :( but ricey I love you ok? Also tell stoopid soob best bro that I love him a lot and I miss him :( please both of you take care ilysm ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@rayyeez I love you, my Boro Bhai haha, and I think you know it all, in our DMS, I've already told you everything and I'll tell you this again, thank you for being my human diary, don't forget me or I'll haunt you in your dreams :( ILYSM 🖤

[minkkumaz]

jordan i am in tears with you're entire reblog it's not even funny. i am frowning so hard yet laughing my ass off at the same time. NAMEDROPPING JAY WAS CRAZY U DIDNT NEED TO REMIND ME ABOUT THAT PAIN HOLY SHIT.

i'm so happy you noticed how i kinda implied that in their relationship haem was definitely introverted and kinda appreciated being in his little world with reader; but going out of his way to do things and become more social for the mere purpose of trying to get away. i wanna assume he is the type to be bad with his feelings, and heavily rely on escaping from his problems because if he faced them head on he would say something he didn't mean.

also anvils dropping on your head is crazy LMAOO but that's relatable because something that used to be so mutually loving turning to shit makes my heart shatter. reader just wants haem to love her auggg. honestly i was self reflecting with the whole 'taking the blame' part because i definitely do that a lot when im blinded by something.

that argument sequence was a tough write. especially when i made haem give reader that false hope before ultimately switching up and showing his true feelings. it was hard to make haemin an asshole, but it makes everything so much more real imo.

[REDACTED] needs to get a grip but he is honestly perfect fic material. helps me truly embody what being a big fucking dick (and im not talking about the one in my pants.. ^_^) the lying.. the anger.. the gaslighting..

watching him do all the things they used to do together is just so.. and what makes it worse is that it looked like he was enjoying it so much more with this new girl as opposed to reader. part of me DID actually wanna make him come crawling back, but that would've totally shifted the ending into self love unless i like.. made the girl break his heart, he goes back to u, but she goes back to him and he breaks your heart again. if that makes any sense LMAO.

also haemin gossiping to kyungmin is canon. AS THE WRITER it is one million percent real. as someone who is always with kyung, that little shit probably painted you out as the bad person and kyung definitely believed it. but when it comes to the whole group i feel like yoonsung would really try to see both sides.

at first i was a little insecure abt this one but your words are so reassuring wtf:(( i will be proud since you love it so much and im really glad i could make you feel your feels. (and also deliver that angst prince sungho was lacking)

you can gatekeep this fic all you want ITS JUST FOR YOU ML (as it is posted on the internet for everyone to see, but we are in our own little world so it doesnt matter) but im so happy the execution lived up to expectations hehe.

keeping the secret.. especially for a month was so hard. but writing fics is my love language for u i cant stop, its honestly an ego boost when u enjoy them so much AND IT JUST MAKES ME HAPPY WHEN YOURE HAPPY. a lot of the times i got an idea and was like 'this sounds like something jordan would like!' so then i just make it of ur fav (cough haemin) and boom a star is born. also the fall from heaven wasnt so bad Lol (is this you finally returning my silly flirting whenever i reblog YOUR stuff? rubs hands together deviously)

if you get omi banger tattooed, ill get jordan banger tattooed. WE CAN BE MATCHING!! but srsly thank u so much for all ur kind words ur seriously the sweetest and i couldnt be more thrilled that u loved this:( literally the loml nobody on tumblr can compete with you. CHEERS!!!

YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO FEEL UNLOVED

there used to be so much love there, just two people completely infatuated with one another. you've been through so much with haemin, and you thought maybe he'd fight for your relationship. but even after all this hurt part of you still loved him.

PAIRING jung haemin x fem!reader WC 2.0k TAGS lovers to exes. angst. growing apart. asshole haemin. somewhat a timeline of denial to acceptance. miscommunication. OMI NOTE another little something for my @woonhakist because i love writing for her. except unlike prince sungho it's actually angst. sorry sungho ur getting booted out of this. this has been in my drafts for about a month but now i'm motivated to get it done for u hehe. i hope you like. ^_^ (inspired by just me by rin)

the skys were clouded with pillows of dark gray. it had been rainy recently, the smell of wet pavement becoming more distinguishable as it continued. you wanted to assume that maybe it was his fault. the reason behind why your days were always so dark.

it was common to fear the unknown. being innocently unaware of what was going on behind the scenes was slowly eating at your insides; making you feel as if you were the dead carcass of a street animal, being fed on by rats.

things were different recently, he was different. haemin was going out more than usual, a breath of fresh air in comparison to the introverted persona you were used to. despite your worries, he convince you that you didn’t need to know where he was all the time.

“i’m just hanging out with kyungmin and a few other friends. do you have to be so worried?” he groaned.

“it’s not like that, haem! i just got curious…”

shouldn’t you be glad? that feeling of relief knowing he was blooming into a person that could celebrate with others. it was growth, but not in the way you expected. more or less, he was growing into someone unrecognizable.

phone dials were met with an empty line. and even when he did answer, he ended the call with a simple ‘bye’ and not ‘i love you more.’

still, you loved him to the moon and back. every couple went through a rough patch, you understood that when you agreed to be with him. though it was difficult to convince yourself you were content with how things were playing out.

often you took long walks to distract yourself from the unread text messages. it was this time at noon that was most gloomy. your umbrella collected droplets of water, dripping down the side to barely avoid you.

you saw couples on the streets, holding hands happily. they took photos together and shared hot drinks with eachother to battle the slight cold. you envied them.

because in your head, that position seemed almost unreachable. he was so far away from you, farther than you could even realize. what used to be something special between your heart and his wasn’t recognizable.

that day, you stopped going on walks. everything reminded you of the boy that was falling out of love. you came home quickly, trying to outrun your own thoughts. the bronze plate with your apartment number came into view as you dug through your bag to get the keys.

fumbling with the lock for a second, you finally open up to your home. immediately your gaze lands on an extra pair of shoes by the door, making your heart skip a beat slightly. tugging off your own, you set down your umbrella in a corner to dry.

when walking farther into the house, you see haemin sitting comfortably on the couch. he looked busy on his cell phone, paying almost no mind to your presence.

“haem! i didn’t know you would be home, where were you?” you smile fondly, letting yourself sit next to him.

“oh. i was just out for a bit.” he barley acknowledged your existence, angling his phone slightly away from your view. you noticed this, but said nothing.

“did you have fun? it was pretty rainy out today so i hope you weren’t cold.”

“yeah, it was fine.”

“that’s good! did you eat while you were out? i can always make us something for dinner, though i do need to get some groceries–”

“are you done with your questions?” he said bitterly, setting down the device to look at you.

“i’m sorry haem, we just haven’t spoken in awhile and i wanted to see how your day was.” you said in a whisper.

“don’t be so clingy, y/n. we see eachother everyday.” he tells you.

“oh. you’re right, i don’t know why i was being so silly.”

“mhm.” he mumbles under his breath before getting up from his seat towards the bathroom. 

after the door shut behind him, the pit at the bottom of your stomach grew deeper. this wasn’t like him at all. the excitement that would underlie his stoic demeanor because all the love he had for you was overflowing disappeared. could you even call it love when you didn’t exactly know what it was?

every romantic word hes ever told you felt meaningless; what happened to ‘you’re so pretty, y/n. you’re so sweet?’

you could hear haemin’s muffled voice from down the hall, before movement of caps and containers echoed the bathroom walls. it sounded like he was on a call with somebody. he came out soon after, shaking the remaining drops of water off of his clean hands. 

“i’m going out.” he calls out to you before pulling his coat off the rack.

“wait! didn’t you just go out? i can go with you if you’d like!”

“no, i’ll be out late and i know you get agitated if you’re in public for too long.”

“can’t you just stay in for a little then? what about a movie night like we always used to have?” you rushed over to him, desperate to spend any sort of time together, “i just miss you haem..”

“did anything i say get into your head? you don’t need to so clingy, i’m just going out with a couple friends.”

“haemin…” you reached out to his hand, fingertips barely getting the chance to touch him before he was pulling away like you were the plague.

“god. i can’t do this anymore, y/n. i just want to live without you bothering me constantly!” he complains, sliding both of his shoes on forcefully.

“what is that supposed to mean?” you furrow your eyebrows worriedly.

“it means that i’m having a hard time pretending like i haven’t fallen out of love with you.” he sighs, “just give it a break, y/n. you knew were never going to last."

it felt like your world was collapsing around you. there was a confused look on his face as you stood there silently, trying not to cry. you wondered what it felt like to die, and if it felt anything like this.

they say your life flashes before your eyes, yet all that flashed was memories of what you and haemin used to be. you felt stupid to think that maybe it was salvageable, but the sorry truth hurt much more than this ill fantasy.

“but you promised me. you promised me that we would work through everything together, haem. was that a lie?” you choked.

“i wouldn’t make an empty promise like that, don’t twist my words.” he muttered.

“i’m not twisting anything! when you first confessed to me you said so many sweet things and promised to always–”

“i said give it up. that was almost a year ago, okay? you can’t expect me to keep a promise like that for so long.”

“are you serious right now haemin? after all that we’ve been through?” you uttered with a hurt tone.

“i cared about you, okay? but i can’t handle this anymore.”

“you’re my first boyfriend, i– i can’t let you go without at least talking first!” your words came out as a broken sob, but haemin only looked at you with disgust.

“and you were my worst.” he scoffed, “i can’t be with someone who isn’t mature enough to understand when i need time away.”

“but–”

“don’t even look at me right now, y/n.. i don’t want to hear you speak. i’ll come back and get my things later.” he leaves you with a bitter ending, before leaving out the door.

watching the love of your life leave you with no closure and not a second word was starting to physically pain you. you felt yourself drop to your knees as his sentences rung in your mind, stringing themselves into a sequence of utmost heartbreak.

cold hardwood floors comforted the red - hot heat that began to rise up your face like a wild fire. you were embarrassed of yourself, disappointed that you couldn’t grow enough for him to see you. see that you could change.

and while he was out with no doubt in his mind that he made the right decision, your world was shattering in the comfort of the home you used to share with him.

the only time he messaged you was him asking for you to pack up all of his stuff for an easier pickup. it was clear he didn’t want to see you anymore than he had to. would he see how mature you had become in the four hours he was gone if you obeyed him?

boxing up all of his things neatly, you stripped every memory the two of you ever shared together. your house feeling ever so empty from the lack of love, trapped in between cardboard walls. 

for what it was worth, you attempted to write a note to send off with him. however, your vision was too blurry with your tears, and you couldn’t keep them in. the smudged ink added for dramatic effect, but it was too much that it was impossible to read coherent words.

your head was scrambled everywhere, and for a second you thought he was right when he said you were immature. it felt like when you were back in highschool giving him silly love notes to hide in his backpack pocket. it reminded you of how he said that they were all still there, as he never bothered to clean them out.

why couldn’t things be the way that they used to? throwing away so much because there was a lack of communication. you wanted to see him, be with him. feel the pure touch of his lips sending shockwaves to your beating heart.

but since that day, you never saw him once. rushing to grab all of his things and get out of your life, barely escaping your desperate grasp. what was once a fond moment became a distant daydream.

you were so blinded by your infatuation for him, despite the fact he never thought of you like that. once again you failed to understand much.

and things only got harder from then on, your plush pillow absorbing your tears. the air in your room only grew heavier as time continued. 

at first days, then weeks, and months were going by that you gave him so much love from afar. a comfortable distance through your phone screen where he couldn’t spit such hurtful words to you again. it was difficult to bear with his selfish sense of care.

stalking him on social media didn’t get you anywhere really. he already moved on from you. though you were unsure whether your jealousy blossomed from the fact that she was beautiful, or that he moved on extremely fast. maybe it was both.

posts of his hand intertwined with hers, captioned with cheesy song lyrics that used to hold so much meaning to you. your music taste always tended to rub off on him. 

there were long paragraphs declaring how much she meant to him, and how she was such a breath of fresh air in comparison to his past relationships. these sacred words that used to be yours. and while you remembered what the two of you had together, he could only think of her.

still, you loved him.

but things got easier, even when you thought they wouldn’t. it took some time for you to realize that being alone was a lot easier on the heart. 

there was a big takeaway from this, being that the only thing he taught you what it was like to feel unloved. though everything that happened when things were okay, you’d never take for granted. 

the sky felt brighter, and you made your walks frequent again. you remembered thinking how dreary he’d make your days seem, but it felt like you were finally able to see the sun again. because throughout the multitude of stars in the galaxy, one always shone the brightest.

even when you were blinded by a haze, it was still there. maybe you were the star.

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