#had to warn everybody about my new hyperfixation because just telling my Mom and my Grandma isn’t enough!

[rosy-eyedsweetpea]

Just played “In Stars and Time” and, well, I hadn’t sobbed like this in years! Only OMORI got me sobbing like this four years ago, and now, it’s ISAT’s time to shine in my hyperfixation list.

I won’t stop thinking about this game for years to come. This game will influence everything I do, the way I think, the way I act, even my morals; I can already see it because it has happened before!

Siffrin is just like me, to a concerning degree (if you take out the fantasy elements.) Act 5 made me sob in a way not even being at the hospital again can. I woke up my Mom with my sobbing, for stars’ sake!

Anyways, please, play it or watch a gameplay about it!!! It’s great!!!

[everwizard]

Addie’s Story

Note: Before you read this, please understand that this is heavily based off of my real life. All the events contained herein either actually happened or are summarized based on the reality of a certain time frame. That being said, these characters represent aspects of myself and this story is about how they would react to it. Also, in order to avoid deadnaming myself, I changed my childhood name in this story.

Trigger warning: assault, verbal abuse, death mention, depression

2006 - 5 Years Old

A small orange-clad child appeared in the mindscape. Logic, Morality, and Adventure stared at it. After all, new people don't show up very often. This was a sight to behold.

“H—hi.” waved the child. She was noticeably nervous. Her body was trembling and she stuttered her words.

Logic got up and walked over to the child. “Who are you?” she said.

“A—ADHD,” the child replied.

Logic regarded this child. She had never heard of an ‘ADHD’, much less knew what it was supposed to be. “What do you do, exactly?”

“I don’t really know. What do you mean?” ADHD could feel Logic’s calculating eyes burning into her. This made her all the more nervous.

Morality stepped forward. “Well I’m Morality. I tell Morgan what things are right and wrong. I also help with feelings!”

Adventure joins. “I’m Adventure. I deal with Morgan’s fun and well, her adventure.”

“Yes, and I’m Logic. I am Morgan’s memory and everything she knows about everything,” Logic finished. “So what do you do?”

“I… I still don’t know. All I know is that I’m supposed to be different or something.” ADHD wished these people would stop asking all these questions.

“That’s okay,” Morality started, “take your time. Let us know when you figure it out.”

ADHD smiled. “Okay. I promise.”

2008 - 7 Years Old

“ADHD!” A shout came from somewhere in the mindscape.

ADHD appeared. “Yeah?” ADHD took this time to see who had called her. It was Quinn. What did Quinn want?

“You did it again,” Quinn replied, almost as if reading ADHD’s mind.

This was very unclear to ADHD. “Did what again?”

“You made us forget again. Morgan had an assignment due today but she didn’t do it because you made us, more specifically, me, the person who does it, forget.”

ADHD’s heart sank. I let them down again. I’m such a disappointment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“You never mean to! You just do things! No matter what happens or who it hurts!”

ADHD swallowed hard. Stop! I know, okay!? You all hate me. I don’t need to exist. I just make everything worse. “I’ll do better next time. I promise.”

“You better.”

2009 - 8 Years Old

ADHD stood in her room. There had been another fight with Quinn and the others. Like always, it ended poorly.

"They always blame me for everything. They never take responsibility." She moved to sit on her bed. "I'm the reason Morgan has no friends. I'm the reason Morgan always forgets to do things.

"It's not Rylie's messed up right and wrong. It's not Quinn thinking she's better than everybody. It's not Adventure being too forward. It's me. It's always me."

July 2012 - 11 Years Old

Quinn called a group meeting. Everyone was there. Well, everyone except the new girl. ADHD doubted anyone even knew there was a new girl. She had been hiding out in ADHD’s room since she arrived and she rarely came out.

Quinn called the meeting to order. “As you all know, Morgan is starting at a new school soon. It has to go perfectly.”

The group nodded in understanding. They did not want this next year to go as poorly as the last.

Quinn continued, “Rylie, you’re in charge of making Morgan some new friends. Journey, you need to find Morgan some new hobbies and interests. I will be in charge of Morgan’s studies. And ADHD? Just stay out of the way.”

ADHD nodded. It was the same every year. Nobody can know about me or they’ll think we’re crazy. “Understood, Quinn.”

“Good. Does anybody have any questions?” Nobody raised their hands. “Good. This meeting is dismissed.”

The sides headed their separate ways; Journey, Rylie, and Quinn probably going to assist Morgan while ADHD retreated to her room to spend time with her new friend.

“Hi Sadness,” ADHD said calmly, “I’m back. How’s it going?”

“Same as usual, I guess,” Sadness replied. “Still sad.”

ADHD hummed. “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Could you tell me one of your jokes?” Sadness requested.

“Yeah.” ADHD thought for a moment. “How does the ocean say hello?”

“I don’t know,” answered Sadness. “How?”

“It waves!” ADHD could see Sadness’s lips turn up ever so slightly. It was enough for ADHD to know she helped. Any time Sadness felt more upset than usual, she often asked ADHD for a joke. ADHD knew they were bad but she felt happy knowing that it at least helped a little.

A few moments of silence passed. ADHD was fidgeting with her fingers as Sadness layed on the bed. Sadness spoke up.

“Hey ADHD?”

“Yeah?”

“You know how the others all have names? Do you have one too?”

ADHD thought for a moment. This was the first time anybody had asked her for her name. The others didn’t care for her enough. To them, she was just a disability, getting in the way of their important work.

“Yes I do. It’s Addison.”

“Can I call you Addie?”

“Sure.”

May 2015 - 14 Years Old

Middle school had been okay for the most part. Morgan had actually made some really good friends. Some of them were coming along to Morgan’s new school while others went to the rival school.

Eighth grade had probably been the Sides’ best year in a long time. Addie certainly thought so. So too did Sadness.

Addie looked around her room. A few posters and various other merchandise littered the walls and shelving space. She had recently discovered a new trait of hers. She didn’t have a name for it other than fandom obsession. It might be just a phase but she wasn’t so sure.

She decided to try to locate Sadness. They had gotten really close over these past few years. They bonded over being the outcasts.

The three other sides eventually found out about Sadness when Rylie realized she could no longer control those emotions. Sadness came out of hiding and introduced herself after the others asked Addie too many questions about it.

The other three decided it was fine to let Addie and Sadness have their kinship because it was better for everyone that way.

So Addie strolled on over to Sadness’s room and knocked on the door. “Sadness! It’s me!”

Sadness opened the door and allowed Addie in. “Hi Addie. It’s good to see you.” The corner of her lip turned up slightly.

“It’s good to see you too! Wanna hang out today?”

“I always want to hang out with you,” Sadness replied.

Addie smiled and moved further into the room. Sadness followed and the two began their leisure time.

August 2015 - 14 Years Old

Addie and Rylie could often bond about things that excited them. This was one of those moments. Journey was in on it too this time around. The three were caught up in a moment of euphoria that they had not experienced in a long time.

Suddenly! There’s a flash and before the trio knew what hit them, there was a girl dressed in green standing before them.

“Who are you and what are you doing!?” Journey demanded.

“I’m Luck but you can call me Lucy,” said the girl. “And I just saved Morgan’s life.”

Addie, Journey, and Rylie took in what just happened. Sure enough, Morgan was picking her bicycle off the ground and there was a person sized dent in a nearby minivan. 

“We hit that car,” Rylie observed.

“Yeah. You did,” Lucy replied. “And if I hadn’t been here, Morgan would be dead. Pay more attention next time.”

Addie began zoning out. This was all her fault if only she had just paid more attention. If only she had put in some thought into what she was doing. Morgan could have died and it would have been all her fault. “I… I need to go.”

And with that Addie left.

She fled to her room and was unable to stop the tears as the started to flow.

November 2015 - Age 14

This wasn’t how this night was supposed to go. It was supposed to be a good night that Morgan could enjoy. Not like this. 

Addie held herself tightly, fingers digging into the fat just below the ribs.

She wasn’t the only one in shock, though. Everyone was. Even Lucy didn’t see this coming.

It had been a good night until Rylie prompted a text to Morgan’s mom. Morgan was loyal and Rylie wouldn’t stand for anybody disrespecting her family. Not even different members of the same family.

That text set off what Morgan eventually consider the worst night of her life.

“We should have just kept quiet,” Addie muttered. 

“Yeah,” agreed Rylie. “This is all our fault.”

Memories flashed through Addie’s mind. Memories she knew she would never forget. Morgan clutching the porch. Listening to the verbal abuse, all the harsh things said. Morgan’s sister in hysterics ten feet away. Trying to be brave. Facing down Morgan’s grandmother. A slap across the face. Being shaken by the shoulders. So violently, still clutching the porch. The grandmother grabbing Morgan’s long dirty blonde hair and trying to drag her inside a stranger’s home. “May I have my phone back?” Morgan asked after it was over. “No you may not,” replied the grandmother.

Now they had nobody. No way to contact the outside world.

Nobody knew what to do as they listened to the people around them placing blame and verbally attacking Morgan.

So they did nothing. This was, in fact, their fault. They could have left it well enough alone.

This was the night that ruined everything.

This was also the night that Sadness became Depression.

September 2016 - 15 Years Old

They had been going to therapy. It was really helping.

Addie was learning more about herself just as Morgan was learning about herself.

They had learned more about their neurodivergence as well as the gender and sexuality spectrum.

Addie now had words for all the weird things that made her different. Hyperfixation, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, stimming. All these words that explained why she was the way she was.

There was another word she learned, though. One that had nothing to do with ADHD. Non-Binary.

This word made a lot of sense to Addie. This word describes us, she thought. 

"Quinn, can I talk to you?" Addie asked the air.

Quinn materialized in Addie's room. "Yes Addison, how can I assist you?"

"I wanted to talk to you about this word that I think describes us."

"And what word is that?"

"Non-Binary."

"Ah yes," Quinn started, adjusting her glasses, "a term relating to the gender spectrum in which one feel they are neither male nor female."

Addie nodded her head. "Yeah. I think we might be that."

"An interesting observation. I'd have to say that I agree. We should check with the others first, however, and see what they think."

Addie didn't need to see what the others thought. That little validation was all she needed. From this point on, she was a they.

And they were happy.

May 2017 - 16 Years Old

Therapy had been going very well. The treatment left everyone feeling healthier and happier.

Well, except for Depression. One can't feel happier if one can't feel happiness. The therapy was working for them though. It boosted their mental state so they weren't constantly depressed.

Today, they were in one of their better moods. One of the best in a long time. Camp was about to start and Morgan was finally going to be able to work.

Depression called for Addie and they arrived just seconds later.

"Addie," Depression started, their mood shifting to nervousness, "You know how I'm the only one who hasn't shared their name?"

Addie's eyes lit up. "You mean it's time!? Can I get the others?"

"Yeah but before you do, I want to say something."

Addie nodded, listening.

"This is all thanks to you." Depression enveloped Addie in a hug as Addie's face turned red. "I couldn't have done it without you," Depression whispered.

Addie returned the hug. This was nice. They were so happy and honoured to have been such a big help to Depression, even through all these tough times.

The pair broke apart. A red tint lingered on Addie's face and Depression's lips were slightly upturned.

Addie cleared their throat. "Everybody! Get in here! Come quick!" 

One by one, the remaining four sides joined Addie and Depression in Depression's room.

"What's the matter?" Quinn asked. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. Depression has an announcement they'd like to make."

"Go for it!" Rylie chirped, pumping her fist in the air. 

"Um, okay," Depression started. "The reason I called you all here is to tell you my name."

"Go on," Lucy urged, folding her arms.

Depression took a deep breath. "My name is Dierdre. But please call me Dre."

Quinn nodded. "Dre," she repeated. "I like it."

It was Dre's turn to blush now. The others were so supportive. They didn't expect this but it's all they ever wanted.

Dre had never felt this warm. They felt almost happy.

March 2018 - 16 Years Old

The group had come to a conclusion. They were, in fact, non-binary.

It wasn't a sudden decision. There had been a lot of thought and questioning involved. It happened gradually.

Addie was the first to identify this way, then Dre. Quinn and Journey joined next. Then Lucy. Today was the day Rylie finally joined.

Rylie had made the announcement a short bit ago. Everyone had welcomed them into the group. It had been a difficult process for Rylie and Addie could tell they were overjoyed that everyone was so accepting.

A voice rang out through the mindscape. "Everybody please gather in the main room. This is important." It was Quinn's voice.

Addie popped out of their room and into the meeting place. They waited patiently for the others to arrive.

Once everyone was gathered, Quinn spoke up. "I called you all here because we have an important decision to make that we need to make as a group."

"Alright then," Lucy started, "out with it."

Quinn ignored the sudden interruption and cleared their throat while adjusting their tie. "Yes, well. It seems Morgan needs a new name. And because this is such a big decision I wanted you all to be here.” A beat passed before Quinn continued. “Does anyone have any suggestions?”

A few ideas were thrown out and Quinn wrote each of them down.

“What about a name that means ‘new’?” Addie suggested. “Like how they’re starting a new life as a new person.”

“Sounds cool!” Journey chirped. “Exciting!”

Everyone hummed in agreement.

Quinn began listing off some examples of names that mean new. “Neo, Gen, Primus, and Newton are a few that I know.”

Lucy voiced their opinion. “Those suck!”

“I don’t know, Neo sounds pretty cool,” Dre argued.

A small voice perked up from the back of the room. “What about Nova?” Rylie asked.

Quinn hummed. “It means new and I quite like the space connotations associated with it.”

Journey jumped up. "Sounds cool!"

"I agree," said Lucy.

"Yeah," replied Dre.

Everyone turned and looked at Addie. "What do you think, Addie?" Quinn asked.

Addie smiled widely. "I love it."

May 2019 - 18 Years Old

Nova finally graduated high school. It was a rough journey for everyone but at least now it's over.

The sides we're all looking forward to something in the next year. Journey was ready to start as a camp counselor. Rylie wanted to make new friends and perhaps even find a love interest. Quinn was ready for a break. Lucy was excited for the thrill of saving Nova's life. Dre couldn't wait to get an emotional support animal. And Addie was happy to finally be themself.

They were finally fully accepted by the other sides. Rather than putting them down, the others would try to work with Addie to solve the problem.

A lot of people grow out of ADHD but in this case, ADHD grew with a lot of people.