#had to walk away from tonight's service at my family's church

[isfjmel-phleg]

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[crystalgastles]

Cain and able

So, I’ve been working on this for a week. This is part one of a sort of cross over between mine and @freezingmcxn ‘s versions of Jeff the killer. I’ll have part two out as soon as I’m able to get motivation ok bye

My father took to the pulpit, starting off with a prayer that I didn’t close my eyes for, I saw that Louis didn’t either when we made eye contact and both tried not to burst out laughing. Something about the silence in the room being so funny we couldn’t help but snort, interrupting the quiet of the congregation that I hoped no one noticed.

I looked back to Jane who was now sitting behind me, her hands on the back of my seat while she looked around, shifting her eyes to make sure no one was listening.

“There’s a show Tonight”

My ears perked up at the mention of music, the scene in Pensacola was better than here and for it only being an hour away it wasn’t hard to sneak out.

“Where? Is it the Glasgow one I know about that already”

“Durhur I didn’t know if you were able to go”

“Yeah yeah,

“say you’re going to block buster and then Randy’s house, he’ll say he’s going over to yours and we’ll meet you at seven eleven. I need you to pick up Mary, she said she’s going to mine and I said I’m going to hers”

“Ok I’ll meet you at three”

“Kay.”

The service was quick but still droned, the offering plate being passed to Louis and I to give out, the silver dish cold on my fingers.

I gripped the bowl tightly When I made it to the woods family. Two sons one mother, widowed. Me and the oldest shared the same name, but that’s where our similarities ended. He grinned at me, the look behind his eyes reminded me of my own fathers, someone he had gotten close to over the three years his own had been buried six feet deep.

“Good morning”

“You know the drill asshole”

“No need to be hostile”

I passed the bowl, it making its way down the pew agonizingly slow while he made shallow conversation with me.

“Will I see you at fire pit?”

“What’s it matter to you.”

“Didn’t know if you and your little girlfriend would be making it to Glasgow, they’re looking for a new lead you know.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. I knew the girlfriend comment was deliberate, he’s the one who snitched on Jane and I three years ago. Going through a loss isn’t an excuse to out a gay girl with a religious freak father but what do I know?

“Not my girlfriend. Yes I do know, Randy is their guitarist.”

“Guess that means I’ll see you there”

I grimaced before the bowl made its way back to me. He got information from me without even prying. The last pew finished, the bowl filled with checks and a slew of ones and fives, one 20 dollar bill peaking over the top. Someone who had to show off how much they cared for the church not so subtly.

I stood by my father at the door, his hand on my shoulder made me want to curl away. His touch was heavy and uncomfortable, making my teeth grit and my breath become shallow.

“The woods boy asked if you could take him along to Randy’s tonight”

“The quiet one or the one who’s always at our house.”

“Watch your tone with me boy”

I sighed, keeping my eyes ahead as Jane looked to me expectantly. I was held hostage by my fathers touch unable to go with her behind the dried up creek bridge to have a cigarette.

“You know he doesn’t have many friends”

“That’s not my fault!”

“Just take him, I’ll owe you one”

“Fine.”

I knew that meant nothing. Miron always said he’d owe me one when I did something I didn’t want to do, it used to be taking Louis with me to the video store or with me to school events. Now it was this kid who I felt nothing but contempt towards. I was bitter.

He let me go, my shoulders finally relaxing. Feeling like I could finally get a breath I practically bolted to jane who was wiggling her lighter at me.

“What was that about?”

She hopped underneath the bridge, her boots getting covered in mud along with the bottom of her dress, I walked around the hill and down. Looking cool is not worth a broken leg.

“There’s a chip in our plan captain”

“Oh god don’t tell me you can’t go”

“I can, there’s just a barnacle on our boat”

“I have no fucking clue what that means why are you speaking in riddles”

Truth be told I didn’t want to tell her. Afraid that if I did she would blow up at me. Even though I knew she wouldn’t, the fear was still there.

“I have to bring my dad’s favorite”

“Louis? He’s not that bad I like him-“

“Jeff woods”

“Oh. Oh oh no. Nohohono.”

Even though he was 12 when he snitched Jane still believed him to be one. I couldn’t blame her since we both took the fall for it. I still won’t go swimming. She just got more rebellious, I was only able to easily find her on Sundays, the rest of the time I have make guesses to her location. She was never in the same place twice.

She inhaled smoke, blowing it out her nose while looking at the dirt that went above both of our heads, seemingly deep in thought.

“You have room in your truck for Randy ,Mary ,and woods?”

“I should, I don’t know how keen Mary would be on sitting beside him.”

“Why don’t you make Randy do it, don’t torture my girlfriend”

“He’s talking about letting me replace their old lead in Glasgow I can’t chance that”

“You’re a dick“

I exhaled my own smoke, looking up out of the hole we were essentially in I panicked, black converse peaked underneath the wood of the bridge . It was as if saying his name three times summoned him, like a fifteen year old beetle juice.

“Hey guys”

He sat on the ground peaking his head underneath the wood, staring at Jane and I.

frantically trying to put my cigarettes in my pocket he started up, attempting to explain himself.

“I already knew you were smoking, jesus you can see the smoke coming up from the bridge.”

Jane spoke, attempting to pry and understand what he wanted out of this interaction

“What do you want, here to tell Miron what we are doing or do you still need a ride?”

“I still need a ride. Can you let it go? I was twelve.”

“Can you unsend me to Delilah’s?”

“Right.”

Delilah’s is what they called the camp for troubled teens that was essentially a be in the wilderness and try to survive for three months while a grown man yells Bible verses at you. Jane escaped three times until they gave up on trying to send her there. Or parent her at all.

I took a step back when he hopped underneath the bridge with us, holding his hands up and a lighter in a mock gesture of peace.

“I’m sorry.”

He didn’t seem genuine but to make this easier on everyone tonight. We accepted, taking the lighter and relighting our cigarettes, as well as his.

“You’re supposed to inhale”

He coughed up a lung while the smoke burned. I knew the feeling all too well, he tried to inhale again, finally choking it down.

“See not so hard”

“Why do you even do this shit”

“Don’t know actually”

He was finally able to choke down the smoke. I rolled my eyes. Invading my home life and now invading my only escape. He was only two years younger than me but had already sprung up to right below my nose. We were similar in build, our hair color was almost the same. His was so dark brown it was almost black . I dyed mine, a black slightly bluish color that contrasted with me, Which Despite the summer heat of Florida I was pale all year round.

We hopped out of the ditch. Dirt covered my knees and palms, woods dark brown slacks looking black at the knees, the color of Janes dress at the bottom mimicking the bottom of the dried up creek.

Jane looked at me, pointing to my watch before she spoke, to both me and woods.

“What time is it?”

“It’s uh, 1:30”

“I gotta get back and change. We meet at 3:30 at the 7/11, don’t be late or I’m leaving you all there, Jeff, my Jeff, Should know the way if you are late. Woods, don’t be a snitch.”

He held up his hand, saluting to her as she walked backwards to her family’s sedan,leaving me alone with him.

“Got anything I can wear?”

“Dude.”

My house was buzzing, my dad had some people from the church over and my mother was in the living room with my brother, arguing about what movie to put into the dvd player.

“Hey Louis”

My mother looked up from her place on the couch, holding what looked to be some drama dvd that my brother nor my dad would want to watch.

“No hello to me I guess, hi Jeffery” she waved at woods who was a little too close to me for my comfort.

“Hi Mrs. Abel”

“Hi to you too, mom”

“You two on your way to Randy’s?”

Woods answered for me, I was too slow to process everything happening around me to even understand what she said

“Yes ma’am”

We rode silently in my truck to Randy’s, a guy who lived on his own in an old shit apartment building that my dad thought was a dorm. Randy didn’t go to school, he didn’t have a solid job, he did music. Something I thought I could also do if I was even able to move out. I was enjoying the silence, Rammstein permeating through the speakers until he turned the volume down. My nine inch nails shirt fitting him like it was his own.

“You trying out for Glasgow?”

“I am”

“Who do you think is going to get it?”

“I know Randy and he said something about just talking to the band about me”

“Cheater”

I didn’t say anything as I turned the dial knob back up, speakers shaking as we drove the other five miles to Randy’s. Pulling into the parking lot, not bothering to say anything before I hopped out of my truck. An old rusty blue ford I bought myself with years of birthday money I had saved.

Randy’s was messy. He stood at the door shirtless while Mary was still in the bathroom, doing something to her hair. He smiled, throwing a cropped shirt with a bleached design over his head, something he made himself.

“Who’s the fuckin’ kid”

He held his guitar pick in his mouth while he laced up his boots, he stared at woods before picking up his guitar and amp to throw in my trunk.

“Jeff woods, Miron made me bring him”

Woods spoke up, keeping his hands in his pockets while he stared at Randy, long red hair going over his shoulder before he put it in two braids.

“I Love your music dude”

Randy was three years older than me, five years older than the boy who stood beside me. He calls everyone who isn’t older than him kid, a quirk I never quite figured out.

“Same name as old Jeffery huh? You two twins or something? I only knew about Louis, Jeff”

“No, he goes to the church”

“The one you talk bout burnin’?”

“Yeah man, to the ground”

He laughed, pushing my shoulder before he knocked on the door to the bathroom, yelling out to Mary

“Mary let’s go!”

She swung open the bathroom door, glaring at the redheaded man and then looking to me and Jeff, who stood awkwardly by the door. Her and Jane were like the sun and the moon, her hair was light brown with strips of blonde and pink, braided so tiny they seemed to look like strands of hair that fell down to her waist. She emitted a warmth that I couldn’t explain but I liked being around her. Her face was round with deer like features while Jane was angled and sharp, tough and extremely stubborn, she was sweet and gentle.

I smiled at her , her own expression changing when she saw my face. Waving to me she looked back at Randy.

“Ok ok I’m ready, hey Jeff and….?”

Woods looked at her, charm turned all the way up to try and make a good impression. He smiled too wide, coming off as artificial and weird.

“Also Jeff, nice to meet you”

She raised an eyebrow, looking to me for an answer so I just shrugged, jingling my keys as a signal for us to get going before Jane left us at the 7/11.

I ran my hand through my hair when I turned the key to my truck, Randy hopping in the front while Jeff and Mary sat in the back seat, Making awkward conversation. Mary knew about Delilah’s, she knew how Jane got told on but she didn’t know who told on her. She still wouldn’t be outright rude to anyone though, unlike Jane and I even if they sent her girlfriend to conversion therapy.

I spoke up, keeping my eyes on the road in front of me while I pulled out of the apartment complex.

“Rule is if you become intoxicated at any part of the night you tell someone. If I get drunk we are sleeping in my car until I feel like I can drive. Don’t trust any of you to drive Layla.”

“Jeff loves to drink and drive but he doesn’t trust us with his truck”

Randy joked as he lit a cigarette, without the courtesy to roll down the window, I had to hit his shoulder so we wouldn’t all choke on his second hand smoke

“Roll the god damn window down the air is gonna run out in here and we’ll all be breathing your shitty menthols” Randy tossed a braid over his shoulder before using the crank that slowly squeaked as a it cracked the window, the smoke slowly dissipating from the truck the farther we drove and the more pressure I put on the gas.

Our meeting place came into view. I saw Jane walking out of the glass doors with two paper bags, one plastic and a slushee in hand. Teased up hair and fishnets, how I was used to seeing her.

I rolled my window down as we passed her, yelling out something insulting that only we would find funny.

“Ma’am I’m afraid you can’t run your brothel out of the 7/11”

She put her bags into the car, retorting while rolling her eyes and slamming the door.

“Oh sorry I didn’t know the guys who wear too tight pants police department was over this part of town”

She held out a twizzler she had broken out of the package into my open window and hit me in the nose with it. To which I bit down and tore a piece off. She looked behind me to Mary and smiled.

“Hi love-bug” woods answered before Mary could, which made me laugh, one of the first times he was able to

“Jane I don’t think we know each other well enough for pet names”

“Oh suck my dick woods and what the fuck are you laughing at Jeff? ”

I stopped smiling almost immediately when she reprimanded me, side eyeing Randy.

“We should probably go” I said, looking down at my steering wheel while I felt her stare, burning holes through the side of my head.

“We should, Mary I have room in my car if you want to ride with me.” Mary quickly opened the car door, patting my shoulder before she walked to Janes old Honda civic that was plastered in bumper stickers.

“Bye Jeff bye Randy, bye woods nice meeting you” she halfway said over her shoulder while Jane, who was still staring me down said her peace on how to follow her to the venue.

“Don’t follow too close behind, watch my blinker and Jeff for the love of god use yours. Pensacola isn’t far from here and it’s mostly a straight shot except when we get into the city. It’s right left and then another left until you see fire pit. Don’t crash.”

When I rolled my window up it was all laughter. There was a joy I felt that hadn’t graced my mind in years. We couldn’t stop until we got onto the freeway when Randy turned the dial up on my cd player

“What is this shit Jeff”

“Rammstein, German industrial”

“It sucks”

“Do you have anything different?”

“I have bathory in my bag”

“Bullshit where’d you find a cd”

“A buddy of mine burned it off of the library computer”

Woods ears seemed to perk up at the mention of the band, he unbuckled himself and settled his elbows in between us, reaching up to pause the music while Randy dug in his bag, pulling out a cd with bathory that looked more like bothory written on it.

He ejected my rammstein cd, tossing it onto the dash before shoving in the other cd, looking behind him at woods who was nervously biting the side of his thumb.

“You’re doing emperor for your audition right? I saw it on the set list for tonight”

He looked up, putting his hands on his knees.

“Yeah um, wrath of the tyrant by emperor”

“Good one”

I helped the band set up while the rest of our group was outside, talking and mingling with the other show goers. Troy a large and serious guy who had long brown hair, usually had on an Iron Maiden t shirt but was the best smelling out of the entire band played drums. Keith was the bass player. He had Long black hair he usually wore in one braid that had loose strands hanging out of the front. He was the prettiest of the three, a girl hung off his arm today. One of many girlfriends he had over the years so I never bothered to learn her name, I should.

“You guys are really doing the auditions aren’t you” I spoke up after handing troy his bass pick, And sat on the Side of the stage, watching Randy fiddle with his guitar.

“If I’m being honest, we are really just doing it for show, we already discussed picking you but more people come if they genuinely want to try being in Glasgow ” Troy said while tapping his drumstick on a wooden board that was used to hold up the devils mouth, a giant wooden devil slack jawed where the stage stat. Art piece someone did for firepit. Keith spoke up next while raising the mic stand,

“yeah, I mean you know Randy and we already know you’re able to do vocals, so makes sense”

“ok well, I have a little surprise when it’s my turn, since I’m going last.” I made a beat on the floor where I was sitting before I hopped up. Pacing around the floor when the doors opened, max capacity hit around the second guy to try out, Jane and Mary stood beside me, making a joke every time someone came up on stage or got pushed into the concrete floor while moshing.

I got nervous around the fourth person, woods was up next. I wasn’t even sure he knew how to do dsbm vocals but I was scared all the same. What if they decided on him over me, what if he invades another part of my life and kicks me out of it.

Jane handed me a half drunk beer, she yelled over the music that was so loud I could barely hear her.

“You look like you need this!”

“Yeah! Thanks!”

I chugged it, keeping the bottle in my pocket for later while the music started back up, Jeff hopping on stage and taking a swig from a vodka bottle someone passed up before he started.

He was good, he was more whiny than I expected but good nonetheless. People were getting more violent in their moshing as the music picked up, throwing mary Jane and I around while I was essentially panicking. I need this. I need to prove I was better at him than something, anything. This was the one thing I could not let him have.

He looked at me, smiling something evil while sweat poured down his face, my nine inch nails shirt sticking to his skin. My face burned while I sat in a silent rage, beer bottle in hand.

It ended and it was my turn, I was the last to go. Shaking I stood on the stage, Yelling into the mic while raising it to my height eventually just pulling it off of the stand to hold.

“Bleed! This is Glasgow!”

The music started slowly. Randy walked closer while I shook my hair out, essentially vibrating with energy when the music got faster. The lyrics burned my throat, a sweet rumbling that echoed in the venue. People were pushing harder, faster.

I broke the beer bottle on the devils mouth, glass shattering onto my fingers before I used a shard to cut my own mouth into a Glasgow smile, blood dripping down my face and onto the audience, onto woods who was standing directly underneath me while people jeered, some standing around in shock and others backing up so it wouldn’t pour onto them.

“By night will strike me, I die”

I laughed into the microphone and dropped it, my cheeks stinging while the music continued to blare. I fell onto my knees, letting more of the blood that was still pouring out of my face drip onto the people in the crowd most of which dripped onto woods who was now, diving onto the stage, tackling me from my kneeled position.

“What the fuck man!”

He didn’t say anything as he hit me in the jaw, I kicked up, the live music in the background stopped randy Keith and Troy backing up off the stage. While the speakers overhead that played music in between bands started playing again. March of the pigs.

I still bled while he punched me in the ribs. I tried to knee him off of me, eventually getting up and grabbing a fistful of his hair.

People were cheering fight while Jane tried to get her way through the crowd. He threw a punch right into my fresh and open wound as I staggered back, letting go of his hair while he kicked me in the stomach.

I punched him in the nose, the crunch of bone of both his nose and my finger was loud. Grabbing a shard of the broken beer bottle that also cut my hand open, I tried to defend myself against his barrage of punches and kicks until I was on my back again. He shoved a finger into the smile I created. Shooting pain racked itself through my body when he twisted it.

“You fucking asshole, you have to have everything for yourself don’t you!”

“Get off me! You’re batshit dude!”

He took his finger out of my open wound, grabbing my shoulders and slamming my back into the ground while I stabbed the shard of beer bottle into his arm but he didn’t seem to care. The only thing that got him to quit was troy prying him off my body and the stage.

“Get the fuck out of here!” Troy pushed his shoulders before I sat up, cradling my broken finger that was now throbbing. Jane finally got up to the stage, looking at my face and other wounds among the chaos.

“You’re so fucking dead Jeff what were you thinking”

“I don’t need your bullshit right now just help me to the back room.”

“Fucking Christ.”

She helped me up, my shoulders and back throbbing while people patted my back, telling me how brutal my performance that I now regretted was. Blood filled my mouth, the salty metallic covered my tongue and I spit while Jane looked for anything to patch me up.

“Lean back”

“Fuck no you are not pouring vodka on my open wounds!”

“You don’t know where that little assholes hands have been. Lean back.”

I reluctantly leaned against the old sofa, the alcohol burning as it hit my skin and I hissed, digging my nails into my knees while she found an old Hanes tank top, ripping a piece off and wrapping my hand in the fabric. “I don’t know how I’m gonna bandage your face, what are you gonna tell your dad?”

“I don’t know. I was planning on running away tonight anyway”

“You were planning on running away. And you didn’t tell me”

“Don’t start getting on to me right now”

“Ok, ok. Hold still.”

She dug in her purse, finding the bandaid box she usually kept in there and digging. Pulling out a slew of large bandages. She did her best to try and cover the smile I gave myself, the blood eventually slowing and being absorbed into the gauze.

“You have everything in there”

“Yeah.”

“Where’s Mary?”

“In my car we are leaving after I patch you up.”

I huffed, the pain from my finger making me wince while she picked up her purse, giving me her entire bottle of Tylenol before she headed for the doors.

“I don’t need to be here when your dad shows up. Good luck”

“Have a good night Jane, I love you.”

“I love you too, I’ll see you later if you’re still alive.”

“Tell Mary I love her too”

“I will”

I sat back in the band area, waiting for Troy Randy and Keith to file in. Randy was first to sit beside me. He patted my knee before rubbing his face, pinching his temples before he spoke.

“That was brutal”

“Yeah?”

“You got the shit beat out of you but you did amazing up there”

He shook his head getting up and pacing the room while Troy and Keith filed in, looking anxious. My own nerves starting to spike when I remembered I’d more than likely have to face the wrath of my father tonight.

Troy spoke up first, keeping his eyes on the door.

“The kid called your dad, used the pay phone at the Texaco and he should be here in like 45 minutes.”

I expected this, I knew what was coming the second Jeff stormed out of the venue after being torn off me. He was kicking me out of the nest. I felt better that other people were with me and that Jane got out in time so she wouldn’t be thrown into the mix. Still didn’t stop me from being utterly terrified.

I drank. I drank the rest of the vodka Jane poured on my wounds and whatever else I could get my hands on. The fuzzy warm feeling of being intoxicated slightly numbed the pain of my injuries while I waited for my certain doom. There was no way I was coming home tonight so I might as well enjoy the freedom of living on my own.

I heard the doors to the venue open, my fathers booming voice echoed even into the back room and in my drunken state I still froze. My heart beat in my chest like a drum while I tried to keep my breath steady.

I got up from the couch, slowly opening the door to see my father, still in pajama pants and church fundraiser t shirt with my mother and brother standing by the outside door. He had his arms crossed, woods stood beside him the blood from his broken nose dried on his face. His mother had her hand on his shoulder and avoided my gaze while I quietly murmured something almost unintelligible.

“Fuckin’ Brady bunch”

“What’d you say!”

My father yelled now, a sound that would always make me flinch. It was the same voice he used when he was passionate about a sermon he was giving or if he was locking me in my room, or unfinished basement, beating me until I had nothing left to say.

I looked to woods, ignoring the fact my father was asking me why I had brought him here or why I was even here in the first place.

“Had to call daddy to come to your rescue? Sorry I forgot, yours is six feet under so you have to call mine”

“You shut the fuck up, you’re a selfish piece of shit”

“I’m selfish? I drive you to Pensacola and let you hang out with my friends, you attack me on stage and I’m selfish?”

“You know that’s not what happened”

I watched him fidget with his hands and look at the ground, my dad and anywhere else but me. He told them something. He told them a lie. I slurred my words but they were coherent enough.

“Oh I get it, you told them I started a fight with you because you don’t want to get in trouble for starting a fight”

I looked at my dad who had quit speaking once I had started talking to woods, now glaring at me.

“Are you drunk boy.”

“I may be.”

“I ask you to let him go with you, make some friends and have some good influence and you bring him to this, this hell house and beat him to a pulp? Get drunk and wave around a broken beer bottle as a knife while screaming about death and vileness? Who have I raised”

“He knew where we were going.”

“What’s this you’ve done? He told me you cut your own face open” he pushed both of my shoulders, grabbing my face and making me look to the side. He dug his fingers into my jaw painfully deep while I winced, the pain from my self inflicted injury stinging at his grip while he spoke through gritted teeth.

“What has possessed you? Where has my son gone”

“No where you’d wanna step foot”

A sharp smack across my face echoed on the concrete floors and wooden walls my throat closed while I tried to take shaky breaths. My brother walking over when he hit me across my open wound again. As if the fight didn’t do enough damage. Louis tried to diffuse the situation, unsuccessfully.

“Dad, stop just do something after we get him to the hospital”

He turned around, looking at the devils mouth posed over the stage and I could see he found himself grow more angry by the minute.

“He’s not going to the hospital. He can deal with it on his own when I take him home since he thinks he’s so grown.”

I raised my voice over his, backing up towards the room where my band mates were watching the whole thing unfold.

“I’m not going anywhere I’m never going back to that fucking church or that god damned house”

My mother looked at me with tears in her eyes while I tried not to cry as well. Belle Able had a way of getting me to accept my home situation. I loved my mother I didn’t want her to see this, I didn’t want her to know how I felt about being at home.

“Miron he is gonna need stitches.”

“Fuck the stitches belle he needs God, it’s clear he’s let him out of his life. “

She tried to get my father to calm down, ultimately settling on trying to get me to come home.

“Jeff ,please”

“No mom. No I can’t”

“ it’s only gonna make it worse if you don’t go home with us”

“It can’t be any worse if I don’t go home at all”

She let her tears fall, wiping it with one hand and holding on to Louis shirt with the other, I didn’t know what else to say. Woods just stared at me blankly, bloodied nose and bruised jaw. It made me angry the way he wasn’t even reacting, to anything no emotion was behind his eyes while he watched me essentially get kicked out because he can’t keep his mouth shut.

“You know how you said you owe me one dad?” I spit my words at him, and partly woods. Angry that my plan to run away had to be this dramatic.

“You obviously don’t get one now Jeff, pulling this shit-“

“Leave. Get out of my life I don’t need to be tormented by you anymore. The pissed off rages and the bruises I have to hide? I’m done”

Woods mother didn’t speak the entire time, essentially hiding behind her son until she ushered herself and him out of the room, whispering something to my dad.

“I’m going to see if there is any way I can get him into the emergency room, his arm needs stitches.”

My dad seemed to calm himself when he remembered there was someone he wasn’t related to in the room. Finally unclenching his fists and pinching the bridge of his nose while I felt like shrinking in on myself.

“You want to be on your own? Fine. When god calls you back home I’ll be waiting.”

“Don’t start with the holy gods gonna save me bullshit. Get out”

I watched him almost say something, sighing and deciding that saying nothing would be more painful. Louis looked at me, my mothers face buried in his chest while he just stared. His mouth was twisted in what I could only describe as pain.

“Don’t look at me like that”

“You shouldn’t be like dad”

“I’m nothing like him”

“But you are.“

“Just stop. Stop.”

“Fine. You do what you want to there’s no one to stop you. Drink until your liver fails, hurt your family. I don’t care.”

He didn’t say anything else before they walked out. My mom saying choked I love yous and please just come homes before I couldn’t hear them. I need to drink.

[androgynousblackbox]

Welcome to Hazbin Vale. 1 [Appleradio]

"Hello, hello, my dear listeners! Your dear radio host Alastor is here to give you, once again, the most warming welcome to your favorite station here in our splendid town of Hazbin Vale. It's truly quite a pleasure to being back on the air after that rather unfortunate murder that happened near the studio.

Yes, indeed, truly unfortunate that an unruly teenager didn't pick a better target to pick on late at night when some individuals want to just grab some milk at the gas station and had to live the consequences. But is exactly as they say, my friends; you reap what you saw and that night the scythe of death must have felt a little bit… impatient than usual.

But there's no need to worry about that! I am sure that the thirst for death has been quench for now and there won't be any other danger on the horizon. You see, I am just cursed with an unbearable optimism, dear listener, so I am sure that you will be going home without no worry or concern in your tender, warm, little hearts tonight. Back to your lovely families who all can let a sigh of relief because there is nobody outside watching through the window. Or are there? I would close the windows and keep the lights out, just to be safe.

Back again to our waste of youth, I mean, our dearly departed young delinquent, I think I saw their foot sticking out from behind the counter at the gas station when I pased this morning. The police must have been too busy picking up all the other pieces that they missed it! If any of our valiant police officers could take care of that so the whole body could be put underground that would be lovely. For the family, of course!

I actually tried to get some comment from the police chief Husk to give you all, but someone must have skipped on their greasy filled donuts breakfast this morning because the old man Husk just shush me away, insisting that they were already taking care of everything.

Truly, how rude is that? Has the police never heard about such a thing as freedom of press? Outrageous, I tell you that! But even though I could stay and argue for my civil rights, as I had every right to do, dear listener, I instead walked away to my radio tower while humming to myself our last hit of yesterday, "Murder on the dance floor!" I don't know why I got that particularly melody stuck in my head so much.

Oh, nevermind that. For whoever may care, or be morbidly curious about it, the service for the body will be tomorrow at 9 AM in our local church. Despite the many flaws of her offpring, his mother is a nice lady that knows to stay quiet when it's convenient for her, so please, send her my most sincere condolecencies if you happened to see her. I believe she was planning to move out of town right after putting her son to rest, as she told me herself this morning on my way here. Since of course I had to make sure that she was in a good state of mind and wasn't causing a ruckus trying to say to the police things she shouldn't have.

Poor woman. I can't imagine what it must feel like to have such a loss. The sense of relief to have one less mouth to feed can be overwhelming. She will surely be missed, whatever her name was!

In other less satisfying news, the universe truly has it's own way to balance everything because as soon someone was out, someone else is comming in. That is right, dear listener, while I was having my morning stroll I happened to hear all about our new resident in town that moved to the old abandoned house at the outskirt of everything. From what I could gather by the power of people's gossip, this man is a inventor who primarly makes toys and has made a considerable fortune out of it. How nice.

He plans to revive the toy store that had to shut down two years ago when that whatisherface rude clerk was slaughtered in a particularly hilarious manner there and the cowardly owners ran away. We all remember that incident. They never did find her delicious soft hands, did they?

Another tragedy that we all mourned together, indeed. The closing of the toy store, that is. The youth does really need space to entertain themselves in a safe and controlled environment. Maybe if some teenagers had something like that growing up, they wouldn't have ended up on the ground, ha ha!

Who knows, it could even revitalize a little bit of the spark this town used to have. Now everyone is so afraid and paranoid, talking about all these sudden and inexplicable attacks as if they were worth mulling over rather than an inevitability of life. As if thinking about it is ever going to stop a knife directed to the throat. A waste of time if you ask me.

So a nice change of pace might be exactly what we all need! I heard that this inventor even brought along his own daughter, that should be starting in preschool for the next week if I am not mistaken. I haven't been able to meet the man yet, but it sounds like at the very least could be interesting for three whole minutes if I am lucky. Five if a miracle happens. Oh, along with my optimism, I have also been cursed with too high expectations, it seems.

What I can say? I am a dreamer at heart.

Ah, new blood is always rather exciting, don't you think, listener? Me, I am not particularly fond of children, especially the rude ones, but I am nothing if not flexible to whatever changes may come our way and my curiosity is always killing. That is how the saying goes, isn't it? Ha ha, we have a lot of fun here, don't we?

I think great things are about to happen here, in this lovely quaint town of ours, listener. I can feel it on the air. It's crinkling and static with energy, after so, so long. It's finally waking up. I know you feel it too.

Be sure to give the toy maker a welcome only worthy of Hazbin Vale when you have the chance. Tell him that Alastor will always be reporting the news of this town and to tune in with the rest of us whenever he wants. Remember: I am always here. I will be here to delight your ears for as long you breath and long after you are done breathing. I can never stop or be stopped. That is a promise.

Now, for the weather…"

[chysgoda]

Equinox Service

A Desertwalkers Story

Rating: T for a tiny bit of language

—

You went to the Equinox Services. That’s just how it was if you were raised in the church of the Holy Mother and Father. That was certainly how it was when Bel had been growing up. So she was dressed up in her best skirt, shirt, and waistcoat as she made her way across Stonewood to the little church on the far side of town. There were more people than the church usually saw, most were like her, showing up for the holiest of days and then not much else.

Bel filed in with the rest and ended up in a seat two thirds of the way up from the door since she hadn’t left early enough to get a seat in the back where a quick and painless exit could be had. She considered the little church in comparison to the cathedrals she’d been in across the salt. She liked this one better on the whole. It was cozy, less grandiose for the sake of being grand. She also hadn’t heard of the intensive conversion work that the church usually pushed happening in Stonewood. At least not under this Vicarius. The former priest had come to some sort of ill defined end that generally meant someone had pushed their luck too far with the locals. So far the new Vicarius had not attempted to draw in a single convert.

“Miss Lahabrea, I did not expect to see you for this evening’s service,” Vicarius Themis stopped next the end of the pew she sat on. Bel wasn’t terribly surprised he knew her name. She’d been the only parrot in town for months, there were far more people who knew her name than those she knew the name of.

“Old habits die hard Vicarius,” Bel said honestly. There was something about this man that seemed familiar but she couldn’t place what. He didn’t look that much older than her, but he carried himself like someone much more experienced than what her age would have allowed for. This was going to bug her for days.

“Perhaps after tonight you will feel more comfortable here,” the Vicarius’s smile seemed genuine, and it seemed to reach his eyes, but there was something about him that made her hesitate to drop her guard. He continued, politely ignoring if any of Bel’s thoughts showed on her face, “Always know that you have sanctuary here Miss Lahabrea, no matter who your grandparents are.”

The priest was walking towards the pulpit at the front before a frown could even bend Bel’s lips. If he’d said ‘your family’ she wouldn’t have thought much of it. The Lahabrea family as a whole had had a reputation of being meddlesome and dramatic for generations even back to before they had crossed the salt and established themselves in Tural. Members of the family running away to remote regions was hardly new. Vicarius Themis had specifically called out her grandparents though. It made her uneasy.

Bel wrote off any connection to her grandmother Athena immediately. Not a single one of her associates would ever take the guise of a priest. Which left grandpa Hephaistos. That seemed more likely. It was easier to imagine that voice in grandpa’s office. Replace the white robes with a suit, navy blue and just poorly fitted enough to look off the rack. The imagining brought up a memory. She had been ten maybe? She’d wriggled away from her father and was running to her grandpa’s office and there had been a white haired man in a navy suit with gold buttons.

“It is done.”

“Excellent, Shall I send the usual payments to your Limsian account, Elidibus?”

Another half heard conversation between her parents echoed in her head as well.

“I don’t want your father’s pet spy and killer in my house, Ericthonios.”

“I know Idunn, I didn’t offer him a spot at the dinner table.”

So Elidibus was possibly Vicarius Themis. What was she going to do with this? Did it matter? It wasn’t something she was even sure of. It wasn’t practical to catch a train and ask her parents in the small town nestled in the shade of Tuliyollal. Assuming they were home to start with. She blinked when people began to shift and stand up. Bel blew out a breath, she could chew on if there was anything to do with this at home.

“You have good instincts Miss Lahabrea,” Vicarius Themis was standing next to her again. There was an amused tilt to his smile this time, “You should trust them and hopefully pay more attention to the actual service next time.”

Bel felt her cheeks burn like she’d been called out for bad behavior in school. “My apologies if I was disruptive Vicarius.”

“I think the prize for that went to the gentleman in the back snoring loud enough to wake the dead.” Vicarius Themis chuckled. “I do hope that you grace this hall again, before solstice Miss Lahabrea.”

Bel stood and gave the priest her best high society neutral smile, “Have the rest of a good evening Vicarius Themis.”

The white robed man stepped aside for her, but caught her elbow in a gentle grip, “I was serious about sanctuary should you find you need it.”

“I appreciate that.” Bel said tense, “I need to be getting home now.”

The priest let go of her arm and stepped back to go speak with someone waiting for his attention. Bel left quickly, unnerved and unhappy about the fact. She was well away from the church when she noticed a heaviness in one of her pockets that should not have been there. She reached in and pulled out a beautifully crafted Ul’dahn* knife in a tooled leather sheath. She stared at it and then turned back to stare at the church.

“What the fuck?”

*picture a Persian knife

[thescrappyraccoon]

CW: specific mentions of Christian religious abuse (the rapture, etc.), hell, death and panic attacks

•

•

•

When I was a kid, I grew up in a really harsh Christian religious home. My hellfire & brimstone preacher- grandfather pastored the church we attended, and I learned early on that the God of the Bible was vengeful, angry, and just waiting to punish us for our sins. The church was in the Pentecostal vein, so I was also taught that if I died without repenting of those sins, I would go to hell. That became one of my obsession-compulsion loops; I was constantly confessing of anything and everything, just in case I had sinned in a way I didn’t clock.

The summer before 3rd grade my grandfather found some movies and decided the church would host summer movie nights for families. I was required to attend, of course; “I’d the church door is open, we’re going to be there” my parents often said.

The movies my grandfather found were low budget Christian films (of course 🙄) about “The End Times”, AKA the years building up to the return of Christ when he would rapture all believers and take them to Heaven before brutally and horrifically punishing the sinners that remained through something called The Tribulation (the time frame when the Antichrist would assume worldwide power) before sending them all to hell.

Keep in mind, I was EIGHT YEARS OLD. I know I was made to watch all of them, but I only remember one called A Thief in the Night. I vaguely remember the sequences prior to the rapture happening, but bc I VIVIDLY remember what followed: Christians ego hadnt repented before the rapture and were “left behind” were arrested and executed by guillotine; others were trying hide in the woods but were being hunted down before execution. I’m certain that I dissociated through much of those movies. As a little one, they were absolutely terrifying to me, and immediately started having nightmares that lasted well into my 30s.

That fall when school started, I was allowed to walk home for the first time. On one particular sunny Tuesday afternoon, I walked home as usual. Our car was in the driveway, but when I went to open the door, it was locked. I want the doorbell thinking maybe my mom was in her bedroom and forgot to unlock it, but she didn’t come to the door. The back door was locked too, and by the time bc I got back to the driveway, I was having my first panic attack. I was convinced that the rapture had happened, and I had been left behind. I sat on the driveway and leaned against the car, hyperventilating and sobbing.

I’m not sure how long that lasted before I knew had to think of a plan. I decided my best chance of survival was to break the glass on the back door so that I could unlock the door. I would go in, get my toughest clothing and shoes, and fill my backpack with food before running to the woods. I knew there were 100s of acres where my friend lived a few miles away. I knew I wouldn’t make it out alive; I had been left behind, and the only way to get to heaven was to die a martyr. But at least I could try to survive for awhile first.

Soon after, my mother arrived home. On Tuesdays my grandmother and mother went to a nursing home in a neighboring town to conduct church services. They had been kept late for some reason, and while they were normally home long before me, today they had been running late. They could tell I had been crying, and scolded me for being too sensitive.

Fast forward to tonight. I’m laying in bed snacking and watching TV while resting from a busy-for-me day. A helicopter or low flying plane flew over my house, loud enough to rattle the window in my room. A few minutes later, I realized I was still calm.

There were YEARS—from the day on the driveway until my late 30s—when that would have sent me spiraling. I lived in constant fear about the rapture, the Antichrist, persecution of Christians, etc. But tonight, I didn’t react. I noticed it bc it was loud, but nothing else. I smiled to myself and thought “Wow. I’m ok.”

Sometimes when we’re in recovery from complex trauma, it can feel like we’re not making progress. Just earlier today I got so triggered by something related to my ex, and then a part of me was so frustrated that it still bothers me. But the truth is, it’s still fresh. My divorce was only finalized **last week.**

These might seem disconnected but truthfully, I NEEDED that place to fly over so I could see at least some forward momentum. If I can get over that, I can get over this. I’m going to be ok. Someday, a similar thing will happen, a thing that triggers me about my ex, and I’ll realize I’m not reactive. I’m ok. That day isn’t today, but it will be. I will be ok.

Image description: a Caucasian woman lies against 2 blue and 1 turquoise pillow. Her hair is purple, almost chin length on the right side and shaved on the left side. She is wearing a gray t-shirt.

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

March 28, 2024

Class reached a fever pitch today and ended with a fight that has been a long time coming. We all dispersed, separately bitching to our closest confidants. After all was said and done I decided to go for a solo walk up the big hill. The clouds were rolling in and I just wanted to feel the breeze and rain, if it was ever going to come. I spent a good 45 minutes on the hill just by myself, eating a lemon I picked from a tree, petting a cow, decompressing. I came home relatively early and we had dinner very early tonight because of the activities commencing in the evening. Dinner was one of the top 10 I’ve had here. Sughedys can cook.

Then I got changed and headed to church for the washing of the feet and the silent procession. I had a really interesting experience at Church tonight. I walked down with my mom and Elianis and saw Megan sitting outside the church alone. Megan’s personality is best described like a wonderful camp counselor. She’s bubbly and more patient than any of us here. But tonight she looked so defeated. She explained to me that since coming to Panama she’s really missed going to church, especially as we approach Easter. But her family here isn’t religious so she didn’t know if/how she could attend the service tonight. She was close to tears explaining to me that she was just going to sit outside to listen in. I asked Sughedys separately if it would be okay if a Megan went home and changed and sat with us. I also asked to make sure that this wouldn’t rub Megan’s parents the wrong way.

I will never appreciate church the way Megan does, but I can appreciate the look on her face the whole service.

There’s also something to say about sisterhood in the church. Universally when put into a situation when it’s expected to be on your best behavior, suddenly everything becomes hilarious. Elianis and I were consumed by a fit of laughter.

The whole time it was so freaking hot (really had to refrain from saying “goddamn hot” there) and I wanted nothing more than to not be sitting there. It was a long night, I definitely didn’t feel God in that church, but I did feel tired. At the bare minimum, Catholicism in Spanish is relatively easy to understand so maybe the best thing I got out of tonight was some language practice.

March 29th, 2024

Today was one of those days that made me excited again. Second night in a row that I have slept SO well. Also, I slept in until 7:30 which is wicked late for me (clearly i missed the procession but no one cared).Today Caitlin, Audrey, and I went to Octavio’s farm for the day. Octavio is my uncle? Grand uncle? Whatever, he lives next door. I’ve never spent much time talking to him but today I really got to know him. He has a farm about 30 minutes away by car and he fully runs it all on his own with no help. It’s beautiful. He dreams of planting a lot more coffee in the coming years. We picked fresh pineapple off the bushes and ate them right there. We spent the whole day with absolutely no agenda; walking around, reading in the hammock, chatting, and then all the women prepared a huge lunch. It was such a chill day and now I have that nice sun sleepy feeling in my head. Absolutely no qualms with spending the whole day with Audrey and Caitlin, and we got a lovely change of scenery.

Many many photos to come

[crmsnmth-journal]

5/21/2024 11:58 PM

Hey, look at that! My power's back on. It's been out since a little after seven. There's was a super dangerous storm that went through. Even put us in a tornado warning, which in the midwest means, we go stand on the porch, smoke a cigarette and watch for it. Nothing happened at our place, but about four miles (as the crow flies) got nailed pretty hard. A whole bunch of trees down at the church and the pastors house. Couple trees down on the road next to ours. I'm not sure if tornado or just wind out of the squall line. I really doubt we had a touch down. I guess a tiny town called Unity got hit hard and they are pretty much closed off to everybody. Hell, my cell service went down at 7:30ish? Right around there is when I went to get my brother out of the basement. Storms don't scare me at all. I've loved them since I was a little kid. It was one of the few things my dad and I really bonded over. We didn't have dish or cable growing up, so we only got maybe three channels, four if it was a clear night. Every once in a while some special about tornados or some other severe weather would come on, and my dad would watch from the couch and I'd watch from the floor. He explain to me stuff I didn't understand and it's been with me my whole life. I took this tornado warning as him saying hi. He'd find it funny as hell to see me standing outside watching the clouds in a wall of rain, desperatly trying to keep my cigarette from getting wet.

Other than that it was a normal Tuesday. Nothing to really make it signifigant or anything. I went into work and put the truck order away. Came back home. My mom was here when I get home and in her mood. She's been really good with me lately, just kind of letting me be, but she'll always have her moments and tonight, it got shot at me. I did what I always do and as soon as she raised her voice, I walk away. I grew up with her, and we didn't get along at all throughout my teen years and most of my twenties. I don't blame her, I didn't really get along with anybody in my twenties. Either way, we moved past our shit…well, I moved past it because it's the only option I have. Some things you just can't win, and the unresolved stuff between my mother and I is something I can't. So I avoid the fights and raised voices by just not letting them happen. I'll ignore and go do whatever. And it seems to work pretty well. Sure, there's no apologies or even ackowledgement but I think I'm okay with that for the most part. I think it kind of helps that most of my mental stuff is tied to genetics, and my dad may have been crazy, but he was crazy in the eccentric kind of way. My mom, if she would ever just go and get checked out, I promise you is bipolar. Neither side of my family is all that great on the mental health department. Bipolar, anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, OCD, suicidals….this list can really go on a long time. And that list doesn't include enviromental causes. Trauma-based stuff. The cards were always kind of stacked against me and I was the lucky one to pull the draw. Is what it is, I guess. It's a little past the point of bitching about it. I'm good. I'm as stable as I can be. I'm on a good med regiment, and I see a therapist biweekly. Other than the occasional really intense feelings (like the depression I get, or even the weird paranoia of the last three days) I'm pretty doing pretty good.

[queenlucythevaliant]

All ye faithful

Lucy counted her years in Christmases. Had, ever since Father Christmas put a dagger in her hands in the melting snow when she was eight. In Narnia, Christmas meant feasting and dancing and presents by a roaring fire. Yet it also meant an evening walk to Lantern Waste, where songs were sung in the holy hush of the Christmas night, underneath the stars.

English Christmases brought loud parties and endless preparations, but what Lucy most treasured were the few blessed hours of the Christmas Eve church service. In her pew, bathed in candlelight, Lucy’s heart rang with music in an expression of joy, devotion, and pure faith. The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight … O come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant! When silence fell and prayers were spoken, Lucy’s heart cried out all on its own.

Before Narnia, Lucy remembered, she had never quite understood what she was supposed to pray for in those long moments of quiet she was forced to spend in church each Christmas Eve. Usually, she had made a fumbling, childish effort to say thank you for Christmastime and ask for her family’s welfare in the New Year. At the time, no one in her family had put much stock in prayers.

Yet since Narnia, Lucy found her words easily. She understood, as well as any person could, what it was like to have a relationship with the King of Kings. She knew the kindness and majesty of the divine voice, even when it had been five Christmases since she last heard it aloud. In time, she even stopped looking for glimpses of golden mane in the colors and angles of the stained-glass windows. Her faith was stronger for it.

Then, six Christmases after Lucy’s final journey to Narnia, Susan did not go with her family to church on Christmas Eve. She went to a party instead, in a red gown that sparkled in the light when she moved. When Lucy saw her sister slip out the side door as the rest of the family prepared to leave for the service, it suddenly occurred to her that she didn’t know where Susan was going to church anymore.

“Peter? Do you know what church Susan’s attending?”

A drawn breath. Peter’s eyes fluttered shut. “Ah. I was wondering when you would notice.”

“Do you mean she hasn’t been going at all?”

“No, Lu. Not for almost six months now.”

“Is—is it like with Narnia, do you think? Has she stopped remembering?”

Peter laid a hand on Lucy’s arm and rubbed back and forth. “I don’t know. She’s been rather tight-lipped about the whole thing. She just says she has other priorities these days.”

“I see,” said Lucy. When Peter took his hand away, she shivered.

And so, that night in the church, between the hymns and Scripture readings, Lucy bowed her head and prayed with all the strength that remained to her, frightened and trembling as she was.

Please, she pleaded, please keep Susan from wandering off. Please bring her home. Oh Lord, I’ll do anything. Just let me keep my sister.

She repeated the refrain again and again as the night waned and the candlelight grew fainter. Again and again she bowed her head, made her entreaty, and tried to imagine the richness of the divine voice. Finally, after the last hymn was sung, Lucy bowed her head one final time, and her prayer changed.

Please keep me near you. Lucy’s lips silently formed the words in the darkness, almost a hymn itself. Please let me always be faithful. Oh, I believe. Help my unbelief.

The timbre of Aslan’s voice, of Jesus’s voice, was vivid in her mind, but no words came. Lucy’s prayer received no immediate answer, no sign that it had even been heard. Yet Edmund was warm beside her; her traitor-brother had been redeemed. He was solid and faithful there in his pew, and perhaps that was answer enough for now.

Three Pevensie children and their parents made their way silently outside. As they stepped out into the night, Lucy saw stars twinkling overhead. She stopped, raised her chin, and stuffed her hands into her pockets, looking up.

Edmund halted at her side, muttering under his breath about the cold, but smiling all the same. A moment later, Peter joined them and began to point out his favorite constellations in the curiously clear winter sky. Cassiopeia. Ursa major. Leo.

There had been an observatory once, in the highest tower of Cair Paravel. Lucy remembered. On a Christmas night when she was twenty-three, she and her brothers and dear, beloved Susan had sipped mulled cider and, laughing, called out the names of all the stars. 

Someday soon, I will be twenty-three again, Lucy thought, burrowing closer to her brothers and trying not to cry. I will have other Christmases to count. Susan will have other Christmases. It will all turn out alright in the end. He is still good.

When they returned to their parents’ house, the boys went off to bed and Lucy retired to the room she shared with her sister. When Susan came in a little after 2 am, flushed and a bit tipsy but still glittering in the light, Lucy heard the door open. “Merry Christmas, Su,” she whispered.  

“Oh. Hullo Lucy. Sorry to wake you.” Susan’s voice was breathy in the darkness. “Merry Christmas to you too.”

[whumpshaped]

hell's comin with me by poor man's poison

first of all thank u for this absolute banger. have another vengeful el au, this time out for the cult after all theyve went thru and after theyve become a vampire

"I am the righteous hand of God,

And I am the Devil that you forgot."

tw cult setting, religious themes, abandonment, betrayal, rejection, shunned by family and entire community, revenge, implied murder

"Elijah Hase."

The name felt heavy in the quiet church. El could feel the urge in everyone to turn and stare at them. The children did, the ones with no impulse control yet. The parents quickly turned them back around by the shoulders.

Staring at someone shunned wasn't allowed. You were supposed to pretend they didn't even exist anymore, you wouldn't stare at thin air with disdain either.

El swallowed thickly when they saw, just from the corner of their eyes, their mother keeping her head high, higher than usual. As if to say yes, my child had just been shunned, but I won't allow their failure to stain my own image. See? I won't even look at them. I won't shed a single tear. Their father closed his eyes for just a moment out there, next to the man leading service. What a shameful day, for one of the most influential religious leaders to have his only child shunned.

"Let us pray together for the poor, misguided souls."

They barely registered the words. They wouldn't stay until the end of service. Their family, their entire community wanted them gone, so they would be. Not a trace of them in their childhood house by the time everyone got back.

-

The road to the small town felt foreign under their feet after so many years. Red eyes flickered in the moonlight as they scanned their surroundings, taking in the change. The town was bigger. More people to abuse and manipulate.

Vampires were servants of the devil, they'd said. This one certainly would become one now.

The path to the preacher's house seemed to be burning their feet as they walked along it. Not because all that faith was keeping them away, quite the opposite. They couldn't wait to see him pay. He was going to hang tonight, and no amount of prayer was about to save him from the wrath of one of many shunned children.

Out for his blood.

[struggling-with-time]

Cousin of a cousin’s wedding [Corpse x reader]

Paring: Corpse husband x Gender neutral!reader

Series: And they were roommates

Summary: “Fake dating au” requested by anon

Warnings: angst

Words: 2.2K

A/N: I’m sorry this took so long, it was supposed to be around 750 words... 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

You barely remember the conversation leading up to the now 7-hour drive. Corpse had asked you to be his date for the cousin of a cousin’s wedding, he didn’t want to feel awkward all night so bringing you along would help a lot.

However you were now sitting in the car packed for the weekend about 2 hours down the road when Corpse had dropped the bomb.

“Could you pretend to be my partner? I just don’t want my aunts to bother me all night about dating, and then when you don’t leave my side all night won’t be looked upon as weird.”

You had never met more than his initiate family so of course you would be staying close to him, but this was a bit unexspected, and now you were going to be in love with him for a whole weekend only to have it ripped out of your reach Sunday afternoon. You knew you should say no, this could only end in catastrophy. But your voiced betrayed you, as you heard it answer him.

“Of course, I don’t mind.” Yes you did, you did mind a lot. What were you doing? You were screaming at yourself on the inside, while kindly smiling to the squirming Corpse beside you. You observed a wave of relief hit his face.

“Thank you, Y/N you’re my savior. I own you one.” He breathes out, why was he so stupid? Oh god now he had to act like he didn’t want to kiss you badly behind closed door but be able to express it free in the open. Why could he not just have kept his mouth shut? At least his aunts will be easier to deal with. They were the worst part of any family gathering.

The two of you got lost in music, both needing to escape from the impending doom each of your minds was trying to show you was going to happen.

You finally pull up to the estate of the wedding, Corpse looking as out of place as you feel. It was bright and everything was baby pink and baby blue. You have by now realized, you have no clue who the bride and groom are, and Corpse doesn’t seem to completely be sure either. This is going to be a rollercoaster of a weekend.

The two of you grab your bags, as you close the car Corpse is standing beside you, now packed with both bags and a hand outstretch. Oh yeah, couple. You have to be a couple for the weekend. This is fine. Totally. You can keep your cool. You look away as you take his hand, trying to keep the blush creeping up to you a bay.

Corpses eyes are fixated on your hand together, your hand just fit so perfectly in his, he knows he’s going to be keeping it in his now for as long as possible the rest of the weekend. He stands by watching as you check the two of you in under Corpses name, he can hear you ask if there is a possibility to get room service. He doesn’t register the answer, just the squeeze of your hand, as you can feel him start to lean back and forth on his feet.

Corpse lets out a breath as he puts your bags down on the bed, it’s a double bed. You’ve slept together before. It has been some time, but it’s not something that has never happened before. Corpse falls down onto the bed feeling how soft it is.

“Corpse! You can’t sleep now, we still have to greet everyone, but I wouldn’t mind missing it.” You sigh as you begin to open your bags and take out your outfits for tomorrow, and the rehearsal dinner tonight. You hang them up next to each other on the closet door.  You admire them, how in the world are you going to be paying attention to anyone but Corpse?

Corpse has pushed himself onto his elbows curious at your sudden silence, looking at your two outfits for the weekend, mirroring your thoughts. How in the world is going to be paying attention to anything but you?

“You’re…” He swallows “You’re going to be wearing that?” You turn around beaming at him

“Yes! Do you like it?” You take off the rehearsal outfit of its hanger and does the same with his. You’re excited to see him in a suit for the first time. It’s going to be a sight for ages, and you know it. You don’t notice Corpse flops back onto the bed.

Y/N is going to be the death of me. That is the only thought running through Corpses head as you begin to get ready for the greetings and the rehearsal dinner.  

“You’re going to look very… Nice?” Why did you say it like that Corpse? He nearly smacks himself in the head out of regret.

He finally rolls off the bed as you throw his outfit at him, ignoring his comment, not knowing how to take it, was it a compliment?

The two of you finish up, both trying to subtly check the other out, too busy to notice the other checking them out. You can smell the tension three doors down the hall.

He offers you his arm, and you happily take it after locking up the room you’ve been lodged into. You relish in the feeling of him leading you for as long as possible until you end up in the now bit crowed area of the lounge. You can feel Corpse tensing, so you do the only thing you can think of.

“Baby, it’s okay, I’m right here.” You reassure him. He smiles down at you. clearly already feeling calmer from knowing you’re there.

Baby?? Baby?? Y/N called you baby, and you didn’t do anything. Corpses thoughts are running wild of other nicknames he can suddenly hear you call him in the next two days.

He introduces you to a couple of cousins he vaguely remembers meeting when he was young. But a lot of the people there, he hasn’t met either. You were the more outgoing of the two of you. Which was kind of like being the tallest dwarf. You to what everyone tells you, and you nod at the right time. Corpse hasn’t been listening to anyone else since you came down here. You’ve invaded all of his mind in that outfit and by just being there, hearing you call him your partner, and baby. He’s whipped and you’re not even his.

The rehearsal dinner goes well, you’re seated between some people Corpse hasn’t met either, so the two of you keep to yourself. You’re chatting along, and having fun, both enjoying the couples part, having a bit of fun trash talking some of the others when you can see them be rude to the servers.

After dinner you greet the bride and groom, they seem nice, the bride like so many others vaguely remembers Corpse from that one family gathering back in that aunts house ages ago. They tell you they’re happy that he has finally found someone to take care of him, you thank them. Corpse is clearly embarrassed by the whole ordeal.

Another half an hour of mingling goes by before the bar is open and you tell Corpse you’ll be right back with something to drink.

You try to get the bartenders attention, but he seems preoccupied with flirting with an elderly woman down the bar, seemingly willing to give him tips. That’s when a man approaches you, he’s cleanly shaven and like so many others in an expensive suit.

“Here let me help you.” He tell you, before whistling, making the bartender come over.

“Thank you,” you tell him, before you give your order to the bartender.

“What’s someone like you doing hanging over by the bar?” He asks

“The same as you,” you can already tell where this is going, and can feel the dread creeping up on you for having answered.

“Then have the drink with me.” He offers ever so politely, you glance after the bartender. Hoping for him to come back soon.

“No thanks, I’ll be alright.” You tell him, and starts looking for Corpse in the crowd, but you can no longer see the place where you left him standing.

“C’mon it’s just one drink.” He persist, “it’ll be on my tab.”

“I’m sorry, I’m here with someone tonight.” You decline once again. Hoping for the drinks to be finished soon.

“One drink, just one.” He offers again.

“I think my partner here made it very clear. No.” You can hear the deep voice behind you, you lean into his arms as they embrace you from around the stomach. If you weren’t wrong you could hear a hint pf possessiveness in his voice, and that sent the right kinds of chills down your spine.

The man puts his hand up. “It was just a lighthearted offer, nothing to be making a fuss about.” He walks away.

You look up at Corpse, your drinks forgotten, the two of you just wanting to rest. You head for the bedroom, knowing there will be an even longer day in front of you tomorrow.

As you strip down in the bathroom you call out to Corpse.

“You know I could have handled that myself, right?”

“I know, doesn’t mean that you always have to though.” He calls back.

The two of you settle comfortably into bed, you can feel Corpse pull you into him, and you let him do it.

You’re awakened by the sun streaming in through the windows. Corpse is already up and showering, you yawn as you get out of bed, and look over the outfits for the day. There was a breakfast buffe, but the two of you settle with room service, and a nice silent morning together.

You take your time to get ready, as the two of you aren’t invited to the church, which is understandable. You have no clue how many you are here, but the small church attached to the large manor, doesn’t seem to be able to fit everyone attending.

You fix Corpse tie, as you finish up and check over yourself. The two of you linger close, before you pull away and dust down his jacket with your hand.

The dinner is what Corpse has been dreading the most. His aunts. They’ll be seated at the same table as you. Which means every aspect of his life will be scrutinized with certainty.

You let him lead you to the table, minimizing the amount of time you must mingle with others. The couple gets introduced and then the first course is served. This is when the first of the 4 aunts around you starts to question your life. What jobs do you have? Did you ever finish college? Why aren’t you more like my children?

You put your hand on Corpses thigh, and you can feel him melt underneath your touch. He puts his hand on top of yours, as he tries to calmly answer every question that gets thrown at you. but his mind keep wandering to the hand that’s burning a hole through his trousers.

The speeches flies by as the two of you go back into your little couple bubble, as you have dubbed it in your own mind. You know by tomorrow noon the spell will be broken, but you will enjoy every bit until then. By the time desert rolls around, both you and Corpse have gotten a bit of alcohol inside and is ready to hit the bar when desert finally gets taken off the table.

You giggle at something he said as he whispers it into your ear. You’re both drunk, and both having forgotten the couple thing was to help Corpse calm his nerves. The next thing you remember is the headache you had when you woke up.

You remember waking up and realizing you had significantly less on than usual when heading to bed. The scared look on Corpses face when you met his eyes explained enough for you.

The two of you packed your things in silence, only talking to each other, when thanking the newly weds for their hospitality, before heading to the car. Riding 7 hours in silence back to your apartment in San Diego. The spell certainly broken.

How you both wished that it had been real, and how you both wished you knew how to bring up what had happened and tell the other you wouldn’t mind continuing like that. Instead you both kept your mouths shot, with your minds running more miles per hours than the car.

[electronicgrowth]

Can’t Get Enough Chapter 1

AN: Actual chapter 1. This is already smuttttty. I format shitty. Sorry. Let me introduce you to Miss Billie. I love her and I stole both parts of her name from my different ancestors. 

Summary: The two most stubborn people in Knockemstiff, Ohio have eyes for only each other. Lee Bodecker is determined to become the town’s next sheriff. He knows that image is everything. Billie Dechswaan doesn’t care about her image at all. All she wants is to leave Knockemstiff and never come back. But Lee has other plans for her. Both are far too stubborn to give up their own plans. What happens when they can’t get enough of each other?

Word Count: 2.7k

The first time Lee saw her, like really saw her, was at one of the high school football games. She was cheering on the sidelines. She did a high kick and Lee couldn’t help but stare at her exposed thighs. From there his eyes traced up her body. Her cheer sweater was thick and the neckline was high, but he could tell that her curves were pressing the confines of the sweater. Next he noticed her smile. It was bright and genuine. During the football games he would watch her. Watching her joke around with the other girls. When she would laugh, he swore that his world stopped. He wanted to be the reason she laughed and smiled. 

Sometimes when he watched her, she would look up directly at him. Did she sense him staring? She would smile at him. Was she smiling to be polite? Lee couldn’t figure her out. At church on Sundays he would stare at her sitting with her large family. His mind would wander, wander to places that it shouldn’t be going during church. Between the services she would help serve lunch. She paid special attention to Lee, always making sure that his glass was full of sweet tea or coffee. She often encouraged him to try the dessert she would make. Sometimes she even sat with him and asked him questions about what being a police officer was like. Lee was sure that he bored her, but she always appeared to be engaged and interested. Lee often wondered if she enjoyed toying with him. And Billie wondered if Lee paid any mind at all to her flirting. She was  enamored with young Deputy Bodecker. His jaw was sharp and his eyes were the most beautiful blue she had ever seen. She could tell he was strong, even if he was softer around the middle than most boys her own age. He was a man, and she liked that. She was positive that he didn’t feel the same. The only hint Billie ever got was that Lee slowly started to visit her at her job. 

Billie worked at the diner after school and on the weekends. It was relatively common for the Ross County deputies to stop by the cafe for breakfast or lunch on Saturday. But slowly Lee came in more and more. By April of that year, he ate there for lunch every Saturday. He sat at the countertop so he could talk with Billie between her other customers. He learned that she loved to read, she wanted to be an English teacher. She wanted to go to school in a big city and then teach for a few years before having kids of her own. She learned about his mother and sister. His mother had passed years before. She learned that he owned a house. He always commented that it was a nice house but he didn’t know what to do with all the space. Hinting that it needed a woman’s touch or a few babies to fill it.  

Billie tried to ignore the thrill that gave her. She had a plan and she couldn’t let Lee distract her from it. No matter how handsome she thought he was. Plus, there was no way someone ten years older than her cared at all. And yet, she always caught him staring at her. He looked like a hungry wolf surveying its prey. The thought of being Lee’s prey made her weak in the knees. Billie went on dates with boys from school. None were talented with kissing. They fumbled too much for Billie’s liking. None of them made her feel what Lee made her feel. At night she would think about what it would be like to let Lee kiss her. She would clench her thighs at the thought. Sometimes her hand would slip between her thighs. She imagined that it was Lee touching her. 

Lee did the same. Every time he went on a date and they would jerk him off, he imagined it was Billie. Although, if he got Billie in the front seat of his cruiser he wouldn’t just have her jerk him off. He would touch her and she would be soaking for him. He would be gentle at first, but he would ruin her for all other men. He thought of what Billie would sound like moaning his name when he touched himself. Thinking of Billie always made him come quickly. He started imagining what it would be like to bring her back to his house. What it would be like if he came home to her every night. Lee knew he would probably marry Billie if he was given the chance. He prayed that he would find an opportunity to get her alone. If he was vigilant enough he was sure he could catch her on a date. Separate her from whatever boy she was with. Drive her out to another abandoned location and take what he wanted. 

He caught her once, just before he was elected Sheriff the first time. It was right after her graduation. She was kissing on some old football player after the graduation ceremony, he was sure they’d been drinking. They were parked on a deserted side street. Lee was out patrolling that night, but really he had seen Billie get in the car with the boy, Ralph was his name, and followed them. He saw them pull down that street and park the car. He was quick to walk over to the car, flashlight in hand. He could see them kissing. The boy was clumsy. Billie wasn’t. She moved languidly. She was a little vixen. She opened her eyes and saw Lee before he could knock on the glass window with a flashlight. A mischievous look flashed in her eyes. 

“Open the window, this is Deputy Bodecker,” The window was quickly rolled down.

The boy was nervous, but she just smirked. Almost like she was excited to be caught. Lee watched her make a big show of adjusting her dress. She adjusted it so even more of her breasts were showing. Ralph was focused on Lee, so what was the point of her doing that if not for him?

“Alright break it up. Boy, I’m gonna let you off with a warning. I don’t want to catch you doing this again, or I’ll let your daddy tan your hide. You just get on home.”

“Yes sir.”

“You missy” he points, “you’re coming with me.” 

She rolled her eyes before getting out of the car. Ralph drove away quickly. Billie watched him drive away before speaking.

“What? You gonna run me in or something?” She asked.

“Just wanna make sure you get home safe with your honor intact,” he responded, shoving her into his car.

“What makes you so sure it is still intact?” She inquires as he settles himself into the driver’s seat. 

“Girlie, I know everything that goes on in this town.” She slid over on the bench closer to him. She was practically pressed up against him. Lee’s body was vibrating in anticipation. But he knew he had to keep himself in check. 

“Right, cuz you’re gonna be the sheriff one day, right Lee?” Her hand went to his thigh. 

He raised an eyebrow at her. What was she doing? 

“Careful girl.” 

“Or what?” She teases, “You gonna punish me?” She skated her hand up his thigh and started to palm his crotch. 

“You sure you wanna start that, sugar?” Lee asked skeptically, biting the words out from clenched teeth. 

“I see the way you look at me. I see you getting all hot for me in my cheer uniform.” She whispered in his ear. Her hands go to his belt and she undoes it and his pants. She pulls his cock out, curling her hand around the length and pumping him up and down. He nearly veers off the road in shock. He clears his throat, trying to stay calm. He maintains control until he pulls over into the abandoned gas station parking lot. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” He’s shocked by her actions. He never imagined that she would come on to him. 

“Oh please. I’ve seen you at the drive-in before with those girls you take on dates. I know what you do in your cruiser.”

“W-what?” He asks in a panic. How does she know? Do other people know? 

“Calm down. I only know because I pay attention to you. Just answer me this deputy, have you thought about me when you touch yourself or when those hussies at the drive-in touch you?” She kept pumping him. “I bet you think about really taking me don’t you?”

“You have quite the mouth on you, sugar,” he tells her through gritted teeth. 

She was right. He did think about her. Every time he touched himself he thought of Billie. Every time one of this dates jacked him off he was really thinking of Billie. Lee didn’t answer her, he decided his best course of action was toy with her just as she was with him. He pushed his hand up her leg and to the apex of her thighs. He moved her soaked panties to the side so he could plunge into her with his fingers. She moaned loudly, biting her lip. 

“You didn’t answer me,” she pouts, slowing her hands. 

“You’re right. I think about you all the time. God you’re tight.” 

Lee caught her lips in a desperate kiss. She moaned into his mouth. Lee was spurred on. Fucking her with his fingers. She was pumping him vigorously. The hand that wasn’t between her legs went to her breasts palming them. She had great tits. Lee always thought so. She ran her tongue against his. He could feel her wetness pool into his palm. She grabbed his tie and pulled him down on top of her as she laid down across the front seat. 

He pulled her panties off and tossed them onto the floor, flipping her dress up so he could see her pussy glisten in the moonlight. He couldn’t take her like this. Not in the front seat of the cruiser. He shoved her hands away, but kept his fingers inside of her. With his other hand he rubbed his cock along her pussy lips. Thrusting so his length bumped over her clit, and was soaked by her slit. 

“I won’t fuck you tonight, baby. You deserve to be taken in a bed. But God, you feel so good,” he grunted. 

“Lee,” she gasps. He keeps curling his fingers inside her, she’s obscenely wet. Lee is dying to get inside of her, but he knows he has to wait. 

“So wet,” he murmurs, “You always get this wet when boys touch you?” 

“No,” she whimpers. 

“What’s got you so worked up this time, darlin’?” He smirks, he knows the answer. 

“You.” Her pussy tightens as she answers. She thrusts her hips against his cock. The head doesn’t enter her only because his fingers are inside her. 

He continues his assault of her until she comes with a shout. Her pussy flutters around his fingers. When she’s fully come down from her high, Lee shoves his fingers into her mouth, continuing to rub his cock up against her lower lips. She sucks on each of his fingers with relish, as Lee continues to thrust against her slit. She lets each finger go with a loud pop of her lips. Then she gets a mischievous look in her eye. She pushes her hips up again. This time the head of his cock slips down and rests just against her entrance. Lee raises an eyebrow at her. He knows he could get inside her easily, she’s so wet. Her dainty hand reaches between them, she grips his cock and pushes it inside her so just the tip rests inside. It takes all of Lee’s self control not to thrust the rest of the way in. But he doesn’t want to take her and have her regret it. 

“We can’t,” he huffs, trying to catch his breath. 

“I just wanted to know what it would feel like to have you inside me, just a little bit,” she whispers. 

“Not tonight, baby,” Lee tells her. He tries to pull out, but her legs cage him in. 

“Just put a little more in,” she begs her hips thrust up trying to force the movement, “It won’t even count.” 

“Not tonight,” he repeats, “You deserve to be fucked somewhere better than a car.” She lets her legs drop, and Lee pulls out. The head of his cock is soaked with her. 

“Finish in my mouth,” she pants. Lee goes wide eyed. Sure, he didn’t date the most reputable of women but never had one offered to do that. He sits back up and nods at her. She happily gets down on her knees. She eagerly licks her essence off of his length before taking him into her mouth, slowly, bit by bit. Finally she take him down her throat. She groans around Lee, he doesn’t even have to direct her. She’s already hollowing out her cheeks and bobbing up and down. He’s trying not to thrust up. He doesn’t want her to gag. But he can’t control himself. When she gags around his length, more salvia runs down to his balls. She looks up at him, then forces herself to gag around him. She starts to do that slowly, but speeds up. Lee can’t take the vision in front of him. His little angel on her knees, his whole cock in her mouth. And she’s trying so hard to please him that spit is dripping down her chin. 

“Oh fuck,” Lee growls, grabbing the back of her head and holding her in place while he cums in her mouth. She swallows all of it down, only a small drop appearing at the corner of her lips. She wipes it away with a finger before sucking the remaining cum off of said finger. 

“You taste so good, deputy,” she smirks. Lee is utterly gobsmacked. This little minx has him wrapped around her little finger. She rights her dress as Lee tucks himself back into his pants. She joins him on the bench. Snuggling into him. Lee wraps one arm around her and drives her home. Upon arriving back at her house she hops out of the car. 

“I’ll see you around Deputy Bodecker. Thanks again for the ride,” she teases. She starts to walk away but turns around as if she’s forgotten something, she comes right up to the driver side window. 

“I’m sorry,” she begins, an innocent look on her face, “I almost took these, and they belong to you.” She shoves her soiled panties into the pocket of his leather jacket and winks at him. 

“Goodnight Deputy.” Lee watched her walk up the steps and into the house before recovering enough to drive away. Lee managed to drive himself home, albeit in an intense daze. He was already thinking of how he would court Billie. Make her Billie Bodecker. She was supposed to leave for college in the fall, but he couldn’t let her leave now. She would get a job in town for now. And after the appropriate amount of time he would marry her. Or maybe he would just knock her up and keep her. It didn’t matter how he did it, as long as he got her. He had already made the decision by the time he laid down in bed that night. 

[fieldsofmoonshine]

Remember Me

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x Fem!Reader

Warning: funeral, cancer, death

Notes: this is kinda sad boi hour, elijah spends the day remembering you after you’ve died kinda thing

Word Count: 2064

Elijah leaned against the doorway, watching as you were listening to music loudly in your earphones while putting on makeup. Your mouth as slightly opened as you focused on applying your mascara, flinching every time you brought the tip closer to your eye.

The bright yellow sundress you had picked out for the day still hung on the wardrobe door as Elijah woke up, the suit he was wearing had for a second left red indentations on his skin which healed as he stood up. His eyes stopped at the dress, a sudden wave of feelings weighing down over his chest, knowing that you’d never get to wear it again.

Elijah walked over to the dress his hand bunching the fabric tightly in his hand while he smelled it, closing his eyes as he could recognize your perfume still present in the fabric.

You were sitting in a bench, leaning your head back to look at the sky, the sky was painted in a strong red burn mixed with the white and pink clouds it looked like a painting. Elijah was sitting beside you, one hand thrown around your neck like a pillow while he looked at you, smiling at your amazement at the sky.

“Don’t you two look disgustingly happy,” Klaus strolled into the courtyard with a grin as he watched you two. “Never seen a sky before Y/N?”

“Fuck off,” you answered, not even looking at him.

“I think you’re adorable,” Elijah stated and leaned down to place a kiss against your now blushing cheek.

“Fuck off,” you repeated, this time a mumble as you looked at Elijah.

“I’d prefer not,” he answered. “You could come with me.”

“As I said, disgusting,” Klaus muttered as he watched you blush deeper but answered with a yes, following him up to his room. “At least lock the door this time!”

“Elijah?” Freya knocked on his door, she sounded hesitant, saddened as she waited for a few seconds before opening the door. “Are you coming?”

“This is what she wanted,” Elijah told Freya absently while keeping his eyes on your dress. “The party, the people, down to every little pebble... I want to honor her wish— but all I truly want is to stay right here and bury myself in her dresses and shirts and every stupid little thing she left here.”

“We miss her too, and honestly I’m pretty sure none of us wants to celebrate her death,” Freya stepped inside and placed a arm around Elijah’s shoulder, which he didn’t even react to. “But she told us— very clearly— that we can cry and be miserable at any time but not today, she wanted us to remember her as she was—“

“Happy, fearless, smoking a cigarette while looking at the man she loved after a good round in the hay,” Elijah continued and chuckled slightly. “I don’t want to forget it, that feeling of being loved by her... it’s something extraordinary about it, like you’re drowning and she just pulls you up and you never want to be without her again, yet here I am.”

“Come on, if we leave now I won’t tell Nik you’re wearing the same suit as yesterday,” Freya teased him, noticing the small tug of his lips as he nodded wrapping an arm around Freya’s waist. “He’s been drinking, I never thought they were that close.”

“Niklaus has a funny way of showing he cares, with her I guess it was by endlessly mocking her,” Elijah looked down the hall with a frown. “You know, he fought harder about treatment with her than I did, he said something about making sure she’d be Izzie Stevens. How she’d managed to get him to watch Grey’s Anatomy I never understood.”

Freya chuckled lightly and stroked his arm as Elijah let go of her. “One day, Elijah, than we’ll mourn.”

Elijah sat beside you, looking at the wall above the doctors head, scanning some of the documents. You had been in for a regular check up and mentioned some recurring headaches after a fall down the stairs, (which was actually you ending up in the crossfire of some vampires arguing), and after some testing and scans you had been told to call someone, if you needed it. And you called Elijah, thinking it’d be something like a concussion and you’d need a ride, but no instead you two had been taken to meet an oncologist.

“How long do I have?” Elijah was torn from his focus on the wall. “It’s bad right? You have that look in your eye, like she’s only started her life and now she’ll die, so how long? Five years?” The doctor was about to answer but you cut her off again. “It’s shorter, right? Three? Two? Do I even have one?”

“With treatment, statistics give you a year, some live five but—“

“I am dying, anyways?” You filled in, getting a nod in response. “What’s the treatment?”

“We start with surgery, then chemotherapy and you’ll have to take medication,” you looked over at Elijah who had placed his hand on yours squeezing tightly, you imagined he wasn’t really listening anymore either. Vampires, werewolves, witches, hybrids, ex’s. Somehow you two had been through it all together yet neither of you had thought of this, a glioblastoma. A brain tumor.

“And this will give me, a year?” You asked.

“Some get more some less.”

“My grandmother died from cancer, when I was 15,” you leaned back slightly. “The last thing I told her was that she looked sick, and she answered that she was and that she’d wished she had rejected the treatment because she would die anyways. All she wanted was a little more time— I’ve had time and if I get a year where I can’t really live, I’d rather go sooner.”

“Perhaps you two should take some time to discuss—“

“No,” you answered, squeezing Elijah’s hand to get his attention back to where it belonged. “I’ve decided. Do I need to sign something?”

“Yes, a few papers...”

Klaus had saved seats for Elijah and Freya at the front, looking as miserable as Elijah felt even though Klaus had clearly attempted to clean up for the moment. People were chattering amongst themselves while waiting for the priest.

“I can’t believe she chose a service after all,” Klaus muttered and looked at Elijah who shrugged.

“It’s for appearances, she said something about wanting to be the talk of the town and all her friends and family who hadn’t spoken to her since she moved away from Mystic Falls,” Elijah told him and nodded towards the cluster of Mystic Falls residents sitting on the other side of the church. “She wanted to for once outshine Elena Gilbert and her main character aura.”

Klaus chuckled slightly and looked towards your coffin and shook his head. “I loved her, even though I never told her or you— she was the girl who always saw me as family and the only one I will ever approve for you.”

“She loved you too, that she did tell me,” Elijah informed him and a fond smile spread over his lips. “Sometimes she’d say that had you only been a brunette I’d have a run for my money.”

“I knew she had a thing for brunettes!” Klaus smiled as he looked over at his brother. “Brunettes, suits, and impeccable taste in wine...”

“The ideal man,” Elijah sighed. “I—“

The sound of people talking stopped as a priest walked up to the middle of the church and looked out over the people.

“Today, we have gathered here not to mourn, but to celebrate and honor the life of Y/N Y/L/N...”

You ran down the stairs while holding your hand over your mouth, Klaus and Freya both looked at you as you passed them before making it to the bathroom. The sound of you hulking over the toilet followed only seconds later.

“Y/N?” Freya came after you and gathered your hair in her hands, rubbing your back soothingly. “Should we call Elijah?”

“No, no,” you dismissed her and felt the tears gather in your eyes. “I sent him on Hope duty, he needed some distraction.”

“Do you need painkillers? It’s your cramps right?” Klaus asked from outside, already holding the pills in his hand.

“No, it’s not,” you answered and looked away from the toilet while flushing, the tears were starting to run down your face as you grabbed paper to wipe around your mouth. “I’m sick...” they both nodded, thinking you were getting the flu or a stomach virus. “Cancer, I’ve got cancer,” Klaus stared at you while Freya stopped moving, her hand slowly falling from your back. “Brain cancer actually, which is kinda ironic seeing as we always say I don’t have one.”

“How long?” Klaus asked as he lowered his hand to his side.

“Have I known or how long?” You asked but got no answer as he only looked at you. “Elijah and I were at the hospital two weeks ago, and three to twelve months. Maybe more maybe less...”

“And the treatment, how have you been hiding it?” Klaus asked as you stood up from the bathroom floor and sat down on the toilet with a hesitant frown. “You’re not? You’re not getting treatment?”

“No, it’d would give me a few months in best case but I’ve seen what happens when on chemo, I won’t live a few extra months only to be around,” you told him and felt your heart drop as Klaus only walked away, throwing the painkillers on the ground as he did so.

Damon Salvatore might be the most annoying person on this earth, Elijah thought as he sat in a corner of the room decorated for a party and some were enjoying it to the fullest, like Damon Salvatore. Why Elijah hadn’t killed him? No idea, he should’ve, Elijah thought, back when he had the chance and reason to. Elijah diverted his eyes to the scene where a band was playing as Caroline climbed onto the stage, holding a white letter in her hand.

“Hello, I know most of you don’t know me but my name’s Caroline, I grew up with Y/N and well she was an amazing person,” Caroline smiled nervously as she looked around. “We hadn’t talked in a while when she got sick but when she did she asked me to do something for her, so I am, she asked me to play a recording tonight, so yeah, here it is.”

A click came from the speakers as Caroline connected her phone to them before your voice started streaming from it.

“Hello? I think this is working, it should be. I just wanted to let you all know that I love you, even Klaus, and I want to take one last chance to remind myself,” you cleared your throat, and when you spoke again it was clear you were crying. “remind myself, and everyone else, that being loved in a way that I’ve been by all of you— and mostly Elijah, is something I will never be able to express how thankful I am... so yeah, that’s all, I love you.”

“Dance with me,” you grabbed Elijah’s hand and pulled him of the couch with a smile. Elijah didn’t want to, you knew he didn’t want to but you wanted to, you needed to. Somewhere in the back of your head you knew you wouldn’t get to dance with him next week at the anniversary party you had planned. “I love you.”

“Stop,” Elijah whispered against your ear. “You don’t get to say that yet.”

“I just want you to know that,” you answered, he and you both knew it was more than that. “And you need to know—“

“I don’t need to know anything,” Elijah cut you off. “Not yet, it’s been three months. Not a year.”

“I love you, and when I’m gone, you get to move on,” you stated and swallowed the tears from your voice. “Because you I love you, and you me. You get to move on.”

Elijah didn’t answer, he only stopped dancing and wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug. You felt the first tear drop from his eyes on your head and with a gentle smile you looked up at him, kissing his cheek.

“I love you.”

[collecting-stories]

I Feel it all Over - t. 04 - JJ Maybank

Summary: Kiara surprises you at church and you spend the day with her, JJ, and Pope.

A/N: If you haven't ever listened to them...can I just highly recommended listening to The Maine (whose album You Are Ok this is based on)? They’re music is amazing...You Are Ok, American Candy, and Pioneer are probably my favorite albums of theirs. Plus they did an incredible cover of Watermelon Sugar...if you’re a fan of Harry Styles. 

You Are Ok Masterlist | Outer Banks Masterlist

✞ I swear to every god I feel everything tonight with you ✞

New patrons to the church were usually whole families that came to services, whose fathers or mothers agreed your father’s lesson and felt drawn to the “community” of the Baptist denomination. They responded to the clickbait phrases and did feel lost in their everyday life. It was very rare that any new member, or anyone testing the church out for the first time, would be a single person, a teenager far removed from the beliefs and traditions of the church. But there was Kiara, walking up the few steps into the vestibule. She wasn’t here because of any lost feelings; she was here because she wanted to get to know you more. What JJ had told her, and what she had seen for herself on Friday, was someone that she definitely wanted to be friends with.  

She had no bet to dictate how or when she became friends with you. She slipped into the line of people entering the church, catching sight of you standing by the door handing out pamphlets for that morning’s service. Making sure she was at the end of the line, she waved as she approached, happy to see you.  

“What are you doing here?” You asked, glancing into the church before giving her a quick hug. If your parents or any other family saw they would ask how you knew this complete stranger and why you seemed so friendly with someone who had never been to the church before.  

“JJ stole you on Friday,” she shrugged, “thought maybe we could hang out after church?”  

“Yeah,” you nodded, a story already formulating in your head to tell your parents. Your mother always said that a lie was the devil on your tongue and the first time she’d said it you were convinced that the devil had taken out real estate because you lied constantly, and with ease. Sometimes just to see if you could get away with it. “That would be amazing.”

As far as friends went, you had very few. Your main source of companionship had come from your brothers and sisters, other friends were just acquaintances from youth group or church retreats that you never really felt any deeper connection with. The further away from the fold you felt, the less you found a community for yourself. You had been doubting for so long now that anything within the church felt like a show you were putting on for other people’s amusement, the emotions weren’t real and niether were you.  

JJ wasn’t the first boy you had ever let yourself like but he was the first person you had ever felt comfortable being yourself around. There was no fear of judgement or rejection with him, nothing you said was turned into a weapon to make you feel guilty or unworthy, you didn’t have to pretend to be someone you weren’t. You had been nervous to meet his friends, feeling so different from them, but Kiara and Pope had been nice, welcoming, and all you felt was ease. Even now, seeing Kiara had put a more genuine smile on your face than seeing your family visiting for church.

“I wore my best ‘church’ outfit,” Kiara said, gesturing to the maxi dress and sweater she was wearing. The dress was backless and strappy but it was the only thing she owned that wasn’t short. She’d thrown a sweater overtop, hoping she could play off the dress better.

“You blend right in,” you laughed, “I’m relegated to sit up front...I don’t know if you wanna sit with me up there?”

“Lead the way.”

The “peace be with you’s” weren’t too bad and you lied to your mom when she asked how you knew Kiara, telling her that you had met at Heyward's and invited Kiara to church because she was interested in the tract you had. Your mother’s love for testimony and her conviction that people really did want to be approached on the street and harassed about their faith were enough to convince her that your story was solid. It was enough, even, to give you permission to go to lunch with Kiara after service was over.  

Kiara hadn’t been to church since she was thirteen and her mom decided that she was old enough to choose whether or not she actually wanted to be there. That sort of power and responsibility had been all Kiara needed to ditch Sunday service altogether and spend her mornings out on the waves with the pogues, worshipping a different sort of force. She was a lot less religious and a lot more spiritual now though she listened intently to your father preaching. The opinions were hogwash, nothing to bat an eye at, but the actual teachings were interesting. You seemed relatively invested in those parts too, your notes, Kiara realized, looked a lot more like a theology lesson than a preacher’s condemnation of society.  

“You know a lot about the bible,” Kiara mentioned once you were out of church and back at her house, changing into jeans and a shirt of hers.  

“I like studying religion, theology,” you clarified, “my grandfather knew a lot about the texts. Not like my dad, he’s just...got his own ideas. My grandfather knew the Greek and Hebrew translations and spent years studying other religions as well. It was so cool to talk to him about it. I like that part, the history, the context, more than the ‘fundamentalist/evangelical crap’ my dad touts.”

“Is that something you’d study?” She asked, pulling a tank top on over her bathing suit, “like in college?”

“My parents won’t let me go to college.” You replied.  

“That’s so crazy, my parents would kill me if I didn’t go.”

You spent the drive to Kiara’s dad’s restaurant explaining your parents future plan for your life, including telling her about the boy that your parents wanted you to marry. When she asked if JJ knew you admitted that he did and that you weren’t really sure what was going to happen when you turned eighteen. You knew what your parents wanted, for you to get engaged and then quickly married, but that wasn’t what you wanted at all.  

“If I say that though...there’s a good chance I’d be ex-communicated. Not just from the church but from my family. One of my cousins defected and no one speaks to her anymore.” You said, “it’s like a massive stain on her family’s reputation.”

“Yeah but if she’s happy, does it matter?”

“It’s...it’s not just that I haven’t worn jeans or drank a soda,” you said, following Kiara out onto the back deck to eat, “it’s that I don’t have anyone outside my family. It’s not just being sheltered, it’s being isolated. And I know that, and I hate it but...it’s all I know.”  

“None of your siblings have done it differently?”  

“No.” You shook your head, “I think I would’ve been fine coasting too...I was pretty much set that this was it ya know? But then...JJ asked me out.” You admitted.

Kiara frowned, “yeah but you don’t know what’s gonna happen with JJ in the future.”

You shrugged, “it’s not just about him...it’s me, feeling happier and more confident.”  

“Talking about me?” JJ’s voice came from behind you and you turned around, watching him and Pope walk up to the railing of the deck. He put his hands on the railing, pulling himself up so he could lean over and kiss your cheek.

“I should’ve known you guys would crash.” Kiara said, rolling her eyes as JJ climbed the rest of the way up, hopping over the railing onto the deck.  

“What’re you guys up to?” Pope asked, staying on the other side.

“Kie mentioned taking the ferry to Chapel Hill.” You replied, “I have to be back before dark though.”

“So what’re we waiting for?” JJ said, grabbing your soda and taking a sip.  

-

The four of you rode the ferry over to Chapel Hill, standing on the back deck the whole time talking. Kiara suggested shopping the moment you got off the ferry, telling you that all she wanted was to see you pick out an actual outfit.  

“Nothing hand-me-down or borrowed, just like a real, honest outfit that you pick out.” Kiara said, taking your hand in hers as she pushed open the door to one of the small stores along the main road.  

JJ followed you to the back of the store where the sale racks were, skimming through clothes, holding up different things that were still a little too far out of your comfort zone. You shook your head at a spaghetti strapped mini dress, pulling a crossover out to show him, “I like this one.”

“Try it on.” He shrugged.  

“Where’s the changing area?” You asked, looking around the small area.  

JJ grabbed your hand, “over here.” He led you to the curtained off stalls, pulling you into one of them and hanging the dress up.  

“I have a very strong feeling that if anyone caught us we would be in massive trouble.” You whispered, biting your lip to stop from laughing as JJ moved so that you were looking in the mirror and he was behind you, hands on your hips. He rested his head on your shoulder, nudging his face into the space between your shirt and your neck, kissing the exposed skin.  

“Yeah but you’ve never been shopping so what do you know?” JJ replied, as if it was obvious and he wasn’t just bullshitting you to stay in the changing room.  

You turned in his arms, putting your hands over his, “I’m not changing with you in here.”

“Fine,” he groaned, “If I leave will you try on something for me?”

“Fine.” You mimicked. You kissed him, initiating it for yourself this time, before pushing him into the curtain. He gave another exasperated sigh as he swept the curtain out of the way and left you to change.

Alone in the dressing room, you changed out of your clothes and tried on the floral wrap dress. It tied off at the waist, cutting a deep V and a slit up to your thigh. It was a dress but not like any you had ever worn before. You pushed the curtain enough that you could peek out to see JJ. He was slouched in the chair, texting, while he waited for you.

“I thought you were picking something out?” You said, looking over at him.

He shrugged, “I’d rather see what you like then pick something out for you.”  

“Thanks,” you nodded.  

JJ watched you as you pushed the curtain back and stepped out of the changing room. “Holy shit,” he mouthed. “Wait, don’t move!”

“What? Why?” You asked as he lifted his phone in front of his face.  

“I wanna picture of this.” He replied. Sure, he had seen you in a dress before but he had never seen you in a dress like this, one that actually fit you well, that wasn’t trying to hide your figure but accentuate it. One that you looked so incredibly happy in.  

“So I take it I don’t look half bad?” You joked, stepping further out when he had stashed his phone and stood up.  

“Half bad? You look...incredible.” JJ replied. Deciding it was worth mentioning, he added, “you look really happy.”

“I really like this dress. I’ve never really...liked anything I’ve worn before. Like, it’s just always felt like, clothes. This is different.” You admitted.

Your clothes were just whatever hand-me-downs fit you. From siblings, relatives, church members, it was never your stuff, you never chose it, never got to say what you liked or disliked.  

“Oh my god!” Kiara exclaimed, coming over and interrupting your moment with JJ, “you look so pretty.”  

“Thanks.” You nodded, smiling at her, “I think I’m gonna get it.”  

“Let me.” JJ piped up and you looked over at him.  

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” He insisted.  

There was little further discussion to be had about it, JJ purchasing the dress for you and the four of you wandering around the rest of Chapel Hill, heading in and out of a few different shops. Pope talked to you about his future college plans and you listened intently. Being with JJ was amazing but being able to be friends with a guy, just sitting with Pope and not having to consider anything other that friendship, was so underrated in your life. You had never been friends with a boy either.  

-

Kiara drove you back to your house after you changed, just getting inside as your sister Praise was setting the table. “Hi! I’m so sorry I’m late!” You apologized, “Kie and I were just chatting and I lost track of time.”

“That’s okay Ace, mom was just telling us about Timothy’s visit. Are you excited?” Praise asked, wrapping her arms around you in a hug.  

You hugged her back, “I’m very excited.” You lied.  

Robert gave you a hug as you walked further into the house, handing off a baby and soon you were outside, supervising kids while your other siblings sat and chatted with your parents around the table. You were only two years younger than Robert but he was married with a kid and another on the way and that automatically made you still a kid. Though you felt less and less like a kid every day.  

Your parents talked about Timothy’s visit and their own upcoming trip, ignoring anything that actually had to do with you or your interests. Even Praise, in talking about your upcoming nuptials, mentioned that her dress was still in good condition if you needed one.  

“Oh, wouldn’t that be amazing Ace? You could wear Praise’s dress?” Your mother mentioned from across the table, smiling at you as if all her dreams were being realized right there at the table.

“Amazing.”  

-

The sound of tapping at your window startled you as you sat on the bed, reading before sleep. You walked over, lifting the blinds to see JJ standing there. He waved as you opened the window for him.  

“What are you doing here?”

“I missed you, I wanted to see you.” He replied, leaning into the window space.  

“You just saw me earlier.” You pointed out.  

“I also wanted to know if you wanted to go for a ‘midnight swim’ with me, Kie, and Pope?” JJ said, “we’re taking the HMS out. John B and Sarah don’t feel like going out and I figured you might.”

“I’m lucky no one caught me last time JJ,” you replied, “I don’t know if I can risk it.”

“That’s fine,” he said, “you don’t have to.”

You bit your bottom lip, glancing back over at your door. Your parents were asleep for the night and the thought of getting to spend more time with JJ was just too tempting for you to say no too. You were sure your dad had some bible verse to offer for you as proof that this was an evil infatuation but you could care less, agreeing to go and grabbing the swimsuit that JJ had given you. “Just let me change.”

“Can do.” JJ turned around, back to the window, and you almost laughed.  

You changed quickly before climbing out the window, “I better not get in trouble for this.”

JJ led you through the woods to John B’s house, just like the night of the kegger, taking you down to the jetty. Kiara waved when she saw you and Pope helped you onto the HMS.  

“I can’t believe you let him sneak you out.” Pope joked as JJ boarded the boat.  

He drove you out on the marsh, parking in an open area where they couldn’t be seen by lights at the edge of anyone’s yard. The HMS didn’t have lights itself and they banked on that to keep themselves mostly out of trouble. Kiara lit a lantern in the middle of the boat but otherwise it was dark as they jumped in, JJ hanging back with you.  

The two of you sat on the bench together, in your own little world seemingly. “Can I try a sip?” You asked, holding your hand out for the beer he was drinking.  

“You sure?” He asked.

“Yeah, positive.”  

He passed the beer over, laughing when you took a big gulp and then practically spit in out. “Oh my god, that’s horrible!” You cried, sticking your tongue out.  

“I warned you.” He laughed.

“Not enough,” you replied, “that’s really gross.”  

“Sorry babe,” he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you against him and kissing your cheeks and then your lips. “We’ll stick to soda for now.”  

“Yes please.” You replied, kissing him back.

“Quit macking on each other and get in the water!” Pope shouted, grabbing on to the side of the boat and pushing himself up so that the HMS would rock slightly.  

You grabbed onto JJ more, laughing as the boat swayed.  

“What the fuck Pope, we’re coming.” He grumbled. “I’m trying to spend time with my girlfriend.”

-

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[iliveiloveiwrite]

make up lies and say goodbyes and meet me at the door // J.P. (celebration fic)

Request: James, secret relationship, angst 13, fluff 8. The burrow? Idk u can pick. But please let it have a happy ending 🥺. I’m fragile 😂 - @leahstypewriter

Angst 13: “All I wanted was a happy ending.”

Fluff 8: “Marry me?”

A/N: Title is from Emily Kinney - Married (I also use a lyric in this). I think I need to google the definition of ‘blurb’ because I keep writing fics and they just get longer and longer! This is my first time writing for James with anything longer than a headcanon so I’m not wholly confident on this piece - however, I hope you enjoy!

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader

Warnings: none - FLUFF, FLUFF, FLUFF.

Word count: 1.8k

Spring time at the Burrow is a sight that one cannot experience simply on their first visit. It takes a few visits to the home of the Weasley family for it to truly settle in that the home is a home. The christening of the entire Weasley brood was something to witness that once could only witness once; Molly Weasley controlling her children with an expert hand as they all lined up in the church. It was a lovely ceremony to see.

James sat by your side through it all; so close you could feel the warmth radiating from his body. All through the service, you had to restrain yourself from straddling the man in a place of worship. It wouldn’t be good for the vicar, and it wouldn’t good for the fact that you hadn’t gone public yet.

Returning to the Burrow, a marquee had been put up for party-goers. Following the rest of the guests, you find the long dark hair marking Sirius, and make a note of which table he sits down at. You make your way to the buffet table; grabbing a plate and whatever food you can. You only feel more ravenous at the sight of it; barely having time this morning to eat as with each attempt to leave the bed, James only pulled you back down.

You don’t have to see James to know that it’s him standing next to you. The charged atmosphere between the two of you is what alerts you to his presence.

A slight brush of his fingers against yours as he reaches for a plate of food. A slight brush of his fingers and it’s enough for you to crave all of his attention. He quirks his eyebrow at your obvious intake of breath; he knows what he does to you and he enjoys winding you up the best he can.

You take a seat next to Sirius; ignoring the way James sends a pointed look in your direction. Sirius immediately draws you into conversation with him and Remus, laughing over the rim of his drink. Sirius takes it upon himself to point out the members of the Weasley family stemming from the House of Black – he points towards Arthur’s mother, Cedrella and introduces her as his great-aunt somewhere along the lines of three or four times removed. You snort at Sirius’ lack of accuracy to which he points out that for the last few years, he had been living with James until he got his own place.

Shaking your head, you turn away from Sirius, careful not to catch eyes with James for the fear of not being able to control yourself once again. Your eyes dance around the marquee; happy to have been invited to such an event – an added extra by Sirius who didn’t want to face the extended and disowned side of his family alone.

Your eyes continue to travel around the marquee; taking in the decorations lovingly made by the Weasley children as well as the children themselves. The five young boys seemed to be running amok – their laughter filling the air as they race each around the tent. You can’t help but smile at the sight; each boy looking so happy.

It wasn’t something you realised you yearned for. A family. But watching Molly chase after her children with the largest smile on her face; watching Arthur lift young George onto his shoulders, you realise that you yearned for it all.

The wedding, the house, the family. Everything. You longed for it all to be with James; you felt silly for wanting this so early in your relationship, but just by being in his very presence it was hard not to want to spend an eternity with him.

All day it had been hard to find a moment for yourselves even when the party had moved from the marquee to the house; wanting nothing more than to spend a few minutes alone with James, but each time you got close, you were pulled in another direction by a child or by one of Sirius’ relatives to meet another aunt or uncle.

It was draining.

Keeping your relationship secret was a mutual decision; especially in the early months – the relationship was barely three months old; you were still in the process of getting to know one another romantically and work out how well you clicked together. The long friendship beforehand definitely helped, but keeping James to yourself was something you needed to do.

The atmosphere in the house becomes stifling the more you think about your relationship. You stand from your seat, sending a small smile in James’ direction when he looks over to you with a puzzled expression on his face. Your smile does nothing to calm the concern he feels as he watches you walk out the door, wondering what caused this change.

The evening air is warm when you step outside to catch your breath. Sitting down on one of the many benches, you take in gulps of the fresh air.

“Love?” James’ voice sounds. He takes a tentative seat next to you on the bench, carefully placing his hand between the two of you – knowing he cannot reach out to take you in his arms but wanting you to know that he would if he could.

“I’ve never seen somewhere so beautiful,” You murmur absentmindedly; eyes pouring over the horizon of the slowly setting sun.

James hums in agreement, “It is lovely here.”

You don’t reply. You aren’t entirely sure what else to say to him; instead, you keep your focus on the horizon – the sun setting, the bright and sweet smelling flowers, the beginnings of a vegetable patch. It’s a little slice of heaven, you realise.

“Do you want to talk about earlier?” James prompts. Keeping your secret from everyone was not the endgame, but the both of you simply desired some time to yourselves – to learn each other, to get used to each other, to selfishly love each other before letting other people interfere.

“All I wanted was a happy ending, James. I’m finding hard to keep us a secret when I’m so desperate for a happy ending.”

He grips your hands with such ferocity you’re worried he’ll break the bones, “Then let’s have a happy ending.”

“What do you mean?”

“Marry me?”

The breath leaves your body in one huff, “What?”

“Marry me.”

“James, I can’t believe this is happening. It’s only been a few months.”

“And? I’m certain of this and I’m certain of you. Would you marry me and always be mine?”

You bite your lip; thinking of every outcome that could fall from your marrying James. There could be no denying your feelings for the man; they were something you had felt for over a year until he asked you out to dinner. The yearning you felt earlier was back; churning in your gut as begin to think of a future with James as your husband through sickness and health, till death do you part. 

You smile widely at James, “Let’s make our excuses and go.”

“Why?”

“I want to marry you James Potter, and I want to marry you now.”

James’ eyes glisten with unshed tears at your words, and he rushes off to find the lads and the Weasley’s to thank them for the offer of staying, but you both really must rush off as you have an early start at work, and he has an early morning meeting that he cannot miss.

Sirius furrows his brows at James’ words but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he turns to you with nothing but curiosity burning in his gaze. You smile softly at the man who had become something akin to a brother through your time with the marauders; through your time with James.

“Do you want us to set up a floo?” Molly asks kindly, bouncing a half asleep Fred on her lap.

You shake your head, “We’ll apparate back, we don’t mind. It saves on powder then.”

Molly nods; smiling at the two of you.

You say your goodbyes to the rest of the Marauders; they comment that they’ll see you tomorrow. You hold out your hand to James; he takes it and in less than a second, you’ve left the Burrow.

---------

James runs down the steps of the town hall; puffing slightly from how many there are, “It’s closed. We have to come back tomorrow for a license.”

“I get that, but why do you look so sad?”

James laughs, tugging you to him, “I really wanted to marry you tonight.”

Your thumb rubs across his cheek, “We still can, love.”

“How?”

“Well are the two of us present? We can do the official paperwork and aisle walking another day, but we can always say our vows to one another right now.”

“Right now?”

“Right now,” You confirm, “What do you think? Do you still want to marry me?”

“There’s nothing I want more.”

Underneath the now twinkling stars, vows are whispered, and make-do rings are created from some twine found in James’ pocket. Underneath the night sky, you pull him for your first kiss as husband and wife – the both of you making it difficult from the smiles on your faces.

It isn’t official – far from it. There are no witnesses; no minister. Only you, James, and the stars. But it’s perfect.

“When do we tell the lads? When do we tell our parents?”

“We’ll call them with our news in the morning, but for now…” You trail off with a sly smile.

“For now?”

“You’re all mine.”

-----

You wake up in James’ arms to the sound of crashing in your kitchen and the tell-tale swearing of Sirius Black. “James,” You groan, “Your friends are in the kitchen.”

James yawns, “I know. They woke me too.”

You sigh, opening your eyes, “Do we go down together?”

He nods, “Why not? They’re going to find out anyway.”

You stretch, “I like the sound of that.”

James smiles sleepily, “You know what I like the sound of?”

“What?”

“Kissing my wife good morning.”

You laugh; happily obliging the wish of your husband.

Yawning, you follow James downstairs where you meet Remus, Sirius and Peter clattering about in the kitchen, making a racket as they try to make some breakfast. They each call out their own greeting; their eyes not missing the way you came downstairs together.

“Where did you two rush off to last night?” Sirius asks; a smirk on his face.

“We got married,” James states clearly; leaving no room for any misunderstanding.

Remus chokes on his drink; Sirius drops his mug of tea; Peter silently moves the frying pan off the hob to save the food from burning.

“You did what?” Sirius all but yells.

James reaches for your hand, “We didn’t get married, married. But we will be doing today.”

Sirius remains speechless; eyes flitting between you, James and your joined hands, “When did you get together?”

You look at James, “Almost three months ago.”

“And you didn’t tell us then?”

You shrug, “We wanted to keep it to ourselves for a while.”

Remus nods, “ I get that, but getting married so soon? Are you sure?”

The both of you nod; only looking at each other, “We’re sure.”

Sirius claps his hands together, calling the room’s attention to him, “Then we better get ready.”

********

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[whatdoesshedotothem]

Sunday 15 February 1835

7 40

11 ¾

No kiss rain in the night - fine and high wind and F46° now at 8 ¾ am breakfast at 8 50  in about ¾ hour - then began reading and sat making 2 or 3 extracts from and readying the first 64 pages and notes and appendix belonging thereto of Parnell on roads till after 12 - prayers at 12 20 in ½ hour - then stood in my aunt’s room 50 minutes reading yesterday’s Halifax guardian - letter from Mr William Briggs disclaiming the exclusive dealing system - well he may disclaim it, for the yellows are losers - the horses came at 1 40 and off to church and there in 18 minutes at 2 10 - waited ½ hour! - Mr Wilkinson did all the duty - preached 17 minutes from Joshua xxiv. 15. as for me and my [h.s house?] we will serve the Lord - Home at 4 25. Went into the walk for ½ hour and walked ½ hour in front of the house - I a few minutes with my father - dinner at 6 10 - had Charlotte Booth for 2 or 3 minutes - coffee - with my father from 8 to 9 - just before dinner and afterwards ½ hour till 9 ¾ looking, A- and I, at large plan we got today from SW sent to his father’s - it still wants more adding - more of A-‘s joint property in Halifax - the plan of the township of Northowram not forthcoming that we are sadly short of upper brea estate and Stock’s estate in Northowram etc with my aunt from 9 ¾ to 10 10 - Marian going off in the phaeton tonight to try to get off per mail at midnight to be at Market Weighton at 9 ½ am tomorrow - has told Mrs Oddy to tell Cordingley  about going home again if not tomorrow on Tuesday - Cordingely returned yesterday to everybody’s consternation seemingly with the intention of remaining here, a consummation not to be desired - what a winding up of 20 years service in the family! her bad and queer temper has made her getting herself away the greatest blessing that has come to the house for long - fine day - windy - F46° now at 10 25 pm - copying French letter about the model of Switzerland till ten and three quarters.

[djarinsdoll]

Pastor Peepaw

  This entire thing came to me while talking to @kylorengarbagedump​ last night, so this is dedicated to her as well as @findyourdarkness​ and @badtour​ for all of them encouraging me to post it. Love you guys <3. Below is a picture of Peepaw for those who don’t know who he is.

TW: religious themes, blasphemous behavior, age play, just generally old man x young fem content (but reader is 18!!)

      You were sitting at Sunday service, right in the second row of pews like you always did. The pastor was up there delivering the sermon and you were hooked on every word. He was always so passionate, so interested in what he was preaching. It inspired you. The service goes on, ending with the usual songs the choir sang and the line of wine and wafers. Each line of pews stood in a line around the church, waiting for the Pastor to give them a small sip of wine and place a wafer in their mouth. You followed behind your family and everyone else, the last to get your goodies. When you approached the Pastor he gave you a small sip of wine and placed a wafer in your mouth, saying the same thing as always. But this was anything but usual.

     He placed the wafer in your mouth slower, finger brushing against your tongue as put the small disc down. A heat warmed your face and a tingly feeling was in your stomach, something you had felt before but knew to stay away from. After all, it was sinful to have dirty thoughts and going to confession for something like that was something you never wanted to do. You gave your thanks, the Pastor returning a smile, and made your way to where your family was waiting outside of the church doors. You walked through the isles of pews, colored light shining on the wood covered floor through the ornate stained glass windows. Before you could make it through the door, you heard your name called, the Pastor's voice ringing through your ears.

     You turned around as he beckoned you toward him. You approached him and he started to speak.

"I noticed you weren't very attentive today, is there something bothering you my child?" His voice is full of concern but laced with something else.

     You wave it off, insisting it was nothing until he finally encourages you that you can trust him. 

      "Well, Father, I've been having... sinful thoughts. I'm not sure why, I haven't been acting on them I promise. Well I wouldn't know how to anyway but... I'm sorry Father, I'm trying to stop." He nods, taking in the information before speaking.

     "Do not fret child, I can help you rid your mind of these sinful things. Come back tonight at 6 and I shall help you." You agree and go out to your family, going home and letting them know you'll be meeting with the Pastor later that evening.

     They are ecstatic that you are getting more involved, going to church more than just the normal service, and wish you a great time. After eating dinner you put on a simple outfit: a light pink sweater, a modest black skirt, knee high white socks and small black heels. It wasn't what you typically wore to church, but you wanted to look more casual since it wasn't a Sunday service. You entered through the two large doors at the front and made your way back to his office. You knocked on the door and waited for his queue to come in. Once allowed, you opened the door and took a seat across from the older man.

      "Listen, my dear. Temptation is always going to be strong and you should try to resist it, but sometimes for your own sanity you must give in."  

You look at him confused, give in to temptation? To sexual pleasure?

     "Father I'm not sure I can-"

Before you can even get out your sentence he is hushing you softly, leaning forward a bit on the desk and encouraging you to do the same. Once you do, he's speaking in a hushed tone.

     "Would you like me to teach you darling?" Your mind is going fast, racing with possibilities. You insist that its okay, its a bad idea, but he's more convincing. Insists that your sexuality is something God would want you to embrace, He wouldn't want you to suffer so its okay to do sexual acts, says that even he does them sometimes too. After careful consideration, you agree.

     "I'd like to learn Father. Please teach me."  

     He beckons you over to the other side of his desk and pats his lap. You tentatively take a seat on one of his legs, butt sat on his thigh while your legs hang between his. He reaches a hand down under your skirt as the sun filters in through the window, glinting off of the gold on your cross necklace. The light refraction projects on to his lips, almost as if God himself was giving you the sign that it was all okay. He rubs his finger against your clothed cunt, up and down until you're whining at the contact. He then scoots your underwear down your legs with your help before spreading your legs enough to see all of you. He places a finger right above your clit.

      "This, right here, is your little clit. It's what brings you lots of pleasure sweetheart and see," He presses his finger on to your clit and moves in light circles "It feels good when you touch it, doesn't it?" You whimper at the pleasure and nod your head.

      He moves his finger down through your folds, tracing a circle around your tight hole.

     "This, is your little pussy. Since you're so young, it may be hard to get anything in there but when you do it feels nice as well." He wiggles his middle finger into your cunt, plunging it all the way to the knuckle. You gasp and hold on to his shoulder, trying to escape the pressure of his finger inside of you. He uses the other hand wrapped around your back to keep you still, rubbing to calm you down.

     "It's okay sweetheart, I know it's a lot but you can trust me." He's carefully plunging his finger into you, rubbing your clit with his thumb as he adds another. You moan in a mix of pain and pleasure as you lean your head back, exposing your neck. Suddenly the plush soft skin of his lips and the scratch of his facial hair are on your neck leaving kisses and bites and a perfect mixture of soft and rough. He's careful not to leave any hickeys where they could be visible. You lower your head back down to him and he kisses your lips, carefully introducing his tongue into the kiss as you learn. Soon his fingers are pumping faster, you're moaning into his mouth, and cumming so hard that you shake in his arms.

     He brings up his fingers and places them in front of your mouth, tapping your bottom lip and insisting you to open when you give him a confused look. You take his large fingers into your mouth, sucking all of your juices off and enjoying the sweet and tangy flavor. After, he encourages you to stand up and you do so. He tells you that you've done a great job while picking up your panties and slipping them into a desk drawer, sending you on your way. You thank him for all that he's done, thank him for making you feel so good but right as you're about to exit his office he says one last thing.

     "Come back tomorrow and we'll talk about how boys pleasure themselves. Don't be afraid if your young little pussy yearns for attention tonight. Just do as I did and you'll reach that point of euphoria just as you did today. I'll see you tomorrow dear."