#had one of the worst crying sessions this week holy shit

[frecklystars]

spent over half an hour laying in bed and staring at the ceiling and thinking about ken squeezing the sadness out of me. he genuinely believes he can do it. he shouts "get outta there, sadness!!! no place for you in MY sweet girl!!!" and he keeps hugging me super hard until i laugh and then he squeezes even harder and lifts me off the floor. "sads, be gone, foul fiend!!!!!!" and he doesn't stop until i tell him it's gone. and then he sets me onto the floor and keeps his arms around me, smiling proudly. then he flexes. ain't NOTHIN' gonna bother HIS sweet girl when HE'S around 💪✨ !!!!!!!

[chipper-smol]

Hollow Knight Telephone Round Two: Babysitter SL

Prompt: Shade (lord) is in the midst of final exams and they’re more stressed and tired than usual while babysitting. They accidentally fall asleep in the middle of a calm spell and the god babies become worried. The next time Shade comes over, all of the god babies present a gift they all made together!

By @minnesotamidian-blog​

Shade barely noticed their surroundings as they entered the nursery playroom. Plastic clattered and they sighed as Radiance yelled at the top of her lungs. At least she wasn't screaming. Yet. The scene was set: Unn was still in a crib and chewing on a bar, Root was climbing slowly onto a chair. Radiance was knocking over plastic blocks as Grimm cackled away. For once, Wyrm was playing peacefully with a kick toy, batting at it with his tail. Root got onto the chair and squealed, raising her arms. "Big Root now!" The little blue-eyed godling squeaked out.

Shade picked her up, hugged her to their chest before holding her out. "Now you're a flying Root."

She screamed laughter as Shade tiredly walked her around the room before setting her down near some of her favorite toys. They made sure nobody else had claimed the chair and took a seat, bending over to pick up the fussy moth. "Ancient enemy!" Of course she bit their hand.

Shade winced and just ran a hand over her fluff. "Are you hungry for something that isn't void?" They spoke tiredly.

"Oranges!" She yelled out.

The teen sighed as he went to the mini-fridge with snacks and found some miracle of miracles! pre-peeled oranges. Shade pulled them out and put her in a high chair with one at a time so she wouldn't be tempted to throw the extras at them.

Finals were here and they were really taking it out of the gangly god. Why did they have to know stuff about inorganic chemistry? Why did they have to know about history nobody cared about? There were some fun subjects, but the finals seemed to even suck the fun out of those classes, going over notes and studying everything just in case. They'd been pulling long nights and the night before had been an all-night cram session-and they still had to come to work, they couldn't afford not to. They'd underlined all the stuff the teacher had said was important to remember and had written down stuff from the last finals about each teacher's usual tests.

It made narrowing down what to study from impossible to I'm totally toast. They groaned as they set down a calmer Radiance the opposite side of the room from Wyrm. She found toys that interested her, at least. Root wandered over to Wyrm, who was really into knocking at the kick toy and purring. Root settled nearby and burbled as she hugged and gnawed a plushie.

The teen couldn't help it. The kids were calm for once; their head started to tilt forward, eyes heavy. They were exhausted. Shade's eyes closed and their breathing deepened. At first, their toys were too interesting to notice their babysitter's state; but it didn't take long for Grimm to get bored enough to fly over and notice. "...Shade? Shade's eyes are closed." They landed and the four children not in a crib headed for the batlike godling.

"Is Shade dead?" Wyrm sounded worried.

"Don't be stupid, they're having a nap!" Radiance huffed.

Root looked up and swayed before patting Shade's leg. "Grown-ups don't have nap times." She was tearing up.

"Nuh-uh, they're having bad dreams and it's tasty!" Grimm clamored onto their lap.

The others joined, Radiance grabbing Unn to join them on the sleeping teen. Grimm rested between Shade's horns, Unn was on one shoulder, Radiance on the other, with Root and Wyrm curled up together on Shade's lap, Wyrm purring for once.

When Shade woke up, they were surprised by the weight on their body and forced themself to look down and around before moving. "Uh oh, I fell asleep… sheesh, I'm glad this place isn't a fiery disaster." They picked the godlings up. "You're not dead!" Wyrm exclaimed.

Root burst into tears and even Grimm joined in on the crying spat. Shade sighed and spent the rest of the time comforting them until meal time and settled them down. Time to go home for them all!

But the worry didn't leave the heads of the little godlings. "We should make something for Shade. If they're having nightmares, they might be sad." Radiance sighed. "But that doesn't mean I feel bad for my ancient enemy!" "What do we make?" Root twirled around, slowly turning in place until she fell onto pillows in her dizziness.

"Something of clay! I can burn it dry!" Grimm hopped around.

"But there's no clay." Unn spoke slowly, thoughtfully. "But there's crayons and paper."

"Oooh. We can make a pretty picture for Shade!" Wyrm waved his head happily. The group went for papers and each started to draw on the paper. "You're taking up too much paper!" Wyrm whined.
Radiance complained in turn, pointing at the color he was using. "I want that color!"

Wyrm growled and argued back. "I had it first!"

They started rolling around over their drawings, biting and clawing. Grimm gave a solid scream that startled the two. "You ruined Shade's pretty pictures!" He yelled.

The two looked at each other and hung their heads. "...sorry." Radiance muttered.
"-'m sorry." Wyrm looked away from the moth, skulking. "Start again? You can have the crayon, Radiance…"

Radiance took the crayon and they all picked up the last piece of paper. "I think this is better." Root spoke cheerfully.

It was three days later, once Shade had a solid night's sleep and finals completed that they'd returned to work. A large construction sheet of paper in grey covered in scribbles and rough names and messages was waiting for them.

Feel better soon Shade

Love you

Best babysitter

Tastiest nightmare!

Not the worst anciant ancient enemy.Shade could only feel warmth and laugh, hugging the drawing to themself. There were some days the job felt like the best thing in the world.  ------------------------------- By @tomatotimes

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By @loud-whistling-yes

"No."

The kids protested louder. Shade lifted the TV remote higher up, now above their head.

"Screentime's over, I said no."

Wyrm attempted to crawl up their leg in what was a rather pathetic attempt at stealing the remote, but was promptly shaken off. Grimm tried next, flying overhead to snatch the controller. Shade ducked and grabbed him by the tail before he could send himself flying straight towards the ceiling fan for the third time that day.

"Find something else to do," Shade said as they stuffed the remote deep into their pocket, much to everyone else's dismay. "Look, as much as I'd love to shut you guys up for the whole day, you've all been staring at the TV for hours now and I don't want to get in trouble with your parents."

Louder complaints.

"No, no, no. I am not cracking this time." Shade announced as they pulled Radi, who was hissing like an angry cat, off their jeans and pulled their phone out. "You guys got me last week, never again. No more TV for you, we're doing something else before I lose my money for tonight. Google almighty, what is your suggestion."

activities to do with children

fun activities to do with children

activities to do with toddlers

what can I do with kids that isn't a major headache to deal with goddamnit

Go to the park? Shade took about half a second to consider the thought before wondering why they even thought it was possible anyways. Five kids from the deepest depths of hell, outdoors? No. No park.

Finger painting? A pain to clean up, but better than outdoors. Then they looked up from their phone and considered the idea with greater thought. Grimm's wings, Radi's legs, Unn and Wyrm's… er…. Body?.... Nevermind.

Play pretend? …. If they hear the name Hallownest one more time they might just go insane.

Hide and seek? No. No no no no no. No more hide and seek. Shade was utterly sick of hide and seek. If they had to spend another second stuffed inside the closet or trying to get Radi off the roof they'll probably quit the job right there and then.

Baking?

… That might work. Sure, cleaning up is gonna be absolute hell but it's the only thing Google suggested that they haven't tried yet without horrible results.

Shade stuffed their phone back into their pocket and made a getaway to the kitchen, everyone else following, probably still trying to get the remote back. Butter, eggs, flour, sugar, oh, even some chocolate chips…

"Well then," They declared, pulling every ingredient out of the cabinet and fridge. "We're making cookies! And no, no one is allowed to touch the oven when it's hot. If you guys behave we'll have cookies in like, an hour or something like that."

The kids watched in confusion as Shade ran around the kitchen, pulling out bowls and spoons and a bunch of other utensils while typing furiously on their phone.

Cookies recipe

Cookies recipe easy

Cookies recipe for beginners

Cookies recipe for kids

"What do you guys think about chocolate chip cookies?"

Multiple chitters of approval. "Chocolate chip cookies it is then."

Step one: sieve the flour. Oh wyrm, first step and it's already gonna go to shit.

"Okay, you guys can watch this but for the love of the holy wyrm, do not touch it." Shade measured the correct amount of flour before scooping Wrym and Unn off the floor onto the table so they could see while Radi pulled herself onto the chair. The Lady had already clinged herself onto their sweater and Grimm was doing just fine flying nearby.

“You guys get one chocolate chip each if you guys behave and don’t get flour everywhere.” Shade added. “Now, Lady, hold still and don’t move, I gotta keep my hands steady for this…”

************

"Okay, chocolate chip time." Shade popped open the jar of chocolate as the kids cheered. "Actually, we’re not supposed to be eating this plain, cause it's going into the cookies. But no one actually does that so you guys get five chips each for not setting the kitchen on fire so far."

"The recipe says a cup of chocolate chips but we all know that's a lie." They added while shoving their phone back in their pocket and grabbing a handful of chips before mixing the batter together. "I'm probably not someone you should take life lessons from, but here's one thing I can guarantee you should take to heart: never follow the recipe when it comes to chocolate chips, you count that with your soul."

Final step: oven time. The oven was preheated earlier, and the only thing left was to get the cookies into the tray and into the oven. "Now, who wants to make heart-shaped cookies?"

****************

Three deformed stars, five mutated trees, two malformed cats, several irregular hearts, a couple handfuls of chocolate eaten straight from the jar, and one (1) perfectly round cookie later, the cookies were on the tray, in the oven, and in a surprising turn of events, no one burned themselves… yet. Shade grabbed everyone and made sure no one was in a five-meter radius within the oven before picking up all the dirty bowls and utensils. “Cookies will have to sit in there for about 15 minutes, we’ll be cleaning up in the meantime.”

“Don’t look at me like that, and no whining, if you want cookies you gotta deal with the mess afterwards. That's the payoff, unless you're a wizard who has a passion for baking. Then that's fair, I guess." They dumped all the used utensils they could find and turned on the sink. The sief, three bowls, tablespoons and teaspoons.. Oh wait.

"Radi, the big wooden spoon, please?" Shade called, sponge in their hand and bowls being thoroughly rinsed.

Radi, of course, was not willing to help, because she's basically a feral house cat that just so happened to grow more legs than the average feline. Shade sighed and moved on to finding the next helper they could find.

"Grimm, I know you're touching the oven, stop it. I'm pretty sure you're immune to fire but not everyone else and you're setting a bad example for them. Get me the spoon please."

“Lady, here’s a cloth, help me dry the bowls up. Wyrm, … i have no idea how you can help, no limbs and all but uh, could you go get Unn? I have no idea where she went. Thanks.” The last sentence was to Grimm, who flew over with the mixing spoon and dropped it into the sink while Wyrm scurried away to find Unn, wherever she’s napping at.

"Radi? Radi, I know you're right behind me, stop pretending that you can't hear me. Lady has an extra cloth with her, you're on table wiping duty."

*********

“See? That wasn't so bad,” Shade sent the last of the bowls back into the cupboards and closed it shut. “And the cookies are pretty much done.”

“Also, no. You may not eat the cookies the moment I pull them out of the oven. These rules also apply to Grimm because it's unfair to everyone else.. Don’t look at me like that Grimm, I know you’ll eat them all before they cool and leave us nothing.”

The cookies smelt delicious, and were left on the dining table to cool. “Now that it's cooling down, it's naptime.”

A chorus of groans and wailing.

“It’ll be ready when you guys get up. Up up up, sleep time.”

**********

If you’ve been anywhere near toddlers before, you’d know that getting them to nap in their bedrooms is a near-impossible situation. And Shade was not a person who deals with near-impossible situations well. So following the months old custom, Shade turned on the tv, remote miraculously not pickpocketed, collapsed onto the couch, and waited for everyone piling on them to fall asleep before moving them into their bedroom and pretending they managed to wrangle them all into bed.

And it all goes to plan, the Lady and Wyrm were sound asleep on their lap, Radi and Unn were dozing off on their shoulders, and they're pretty sure the snoring from the top of their head was coming from Grmm. Now, step 2: get everyone off them and onto the beds.

… Or maybe later. It's been a long day, and the couch is pretty comfy. Yeah, just five more minutes, nothing wrong with that…

And if the parents came home to see a cleaner-than-expected kitchen, a tray of chocolate chip cookies, and five kids snoring on top of their babysitter, also sound asleep, then that’s nobody’s business.

And if the originally completely full jar of chocolate chips was pretty much empty, then that’s no one’s business as well.

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By @astronomicartz​

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By @hollow-kin​

Shade lord wanted to take a nap. They are sooo tired, but they are babysitting 5 baby gods for 5$/H. Grimm is a brat, Radiance his sister is also a brat. Unn was ether eating or seeping, same with grub1. Lady was, well sweet and cuddly. they needed to find a distraction for the kids, what would work?

Would tv work, would cartoons work? They had dinner already. Tv had to work or grub and radiance would destroy the house. They needed to take a nap. Now what to watch was a different question, they would have to ask the kids. “so, what do guys want to watch? “Movie!” well they were all in agreement, what was good. “What kind of movie do you guys want to watch?” “Fire!” “dath” “animal” “tree” “ok. No, we are NOT watching fire.” “awww” “i do not know what dath means so no. So nature show it is then.” they go over to the tv and turn it on, then select the world around us. Lady was quick to fall asleep, on their lap. Shade lord slowly fell asleep, and grub nested between grub and shade lord. Grimm climed up to shade lord's head. 

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By @hawaiianbabidoll

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By @neoliberalsatan

A gentle darkness surrounded the shade lord. He finally felt at ease. "finally", he thought, "rest." it didn't take long after that before the darkness started to take shape and a whole new world created out of shadows sheathed him.

But the happiness of the shadows didn't last long. A new and a new sound drowned out their world and all the animals and plants took to hiding back in his head. The shade lord felt the distressed creations stir inside his mind and woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. He rubbed his lowest eyes and accepted the call

"Hello, with shade lord. How can i help you?" "Oh sorry dear, i know it's terribly late but we got an unexpected call and need to leave. Since you've babysat Unn multiple times we assumed she would like to stay with you. Is it okay for you? Can we bring her to your place?" The shade lord thought for a moment and decided he could use the money. "Yea it's fine, she's always such a pleasure to babysit." The voice on the other side sounded relieved. "Thank you. You're a life saver. We will make sure you're compensated accordingly."

Feeling a bit more awake after the phone call he started to prepare for having baby Unn over. After a while her parents arrived and after some greetings he was home alone with the baby. He walked with her in his arms towards the living room and placed her gently inside the crib. She opened her eyes for a moment after losing the feeling of someone holding her, but then closed them again and fell back asleep.

The shade lord decided he couldn't sleep anymore and made some popcorn and decided to put on a movie. It didn't even take 20 minutes before he got called again.

"Hello, with shade lord. How can i help you?" "Oh yes finally someone who answers. Sorry but you're our last hope. We were going somewhere tonight but our babysitter called off. Do you think you could babysit our lovely Radiance? She's very good behaved and won't cause you trouble." "yea, no problem. You'll just need to bring her to my place if it's no trouble"

Not even 5 minutes later the parents showed up and dropped of their larva. Shade lord looked at it a bit confused but didn't get the time to say anything because the parents left as soon as they handed her over. He closed his front door and gave the larva a good look. She was white and had a fluffy appearance. She had 5 pairs of legs and yellow-orange eyes. She started to writhe a little bit and shade lord made sure to hurry to the living room. He took a pillow and placed it on the couch and softly laid her on it. She seemed at ease and rested on the pillow all stretched out

Shade lord continued his movie, which was finally starting to get interesting, but as usual the commercial break hit. He was in the kitchen making more popcorn when he got another call.

"Hello, with shade lord. How can i help you?" "Hello, is this the babysitter?" "Yes, that's the one you're speaking with." "Great, a family member had an accident and i need to be there for them so do you think you could babysit for me?" "Yep, totally." "Thank you, can we bring him to you?" "Oh yea, no problem."

A few minutes later his doorbell rang and he hurried towards it. The father carried his toddler in what could only be described as wing-esque appendages. The shade lord extended his arms for the man to put his toddler in and felt a gentle brush of the leathery membrane. He shivered lightly before feeling a sudden warmth light up in his face, like someone has started a fire. When he looked back up the man was gone and he closed the door. The creature he was holding in his arms was unlike anything he had ever seen. 2 horns sprouted from its black head. The face was as bleak as white linen on a summer day. It seems she likes make-up because she had already 2 black lines running from her cheeks towards her eyes, eventually fading into the darkness of her head. She had the same membranes as her father and no limbs besides it.

He wasn’t even in the living room before he heard his front door being was under siege. He put the weird creature down and opened the front door. Immediately he was assaulted by Hollow, a very energetic child. He was wearing a green cloak today and it finally seemed he was starting to grow bigger than a hand. His horns has also branched into the inside. Immediately after Hollow jumped on his he could hear Pale complain about his unprofessional work attitude. Although he was bigger than most it seems he wouldn’t grow much anymore. His tiny stature didn’t discourage him from being bossy. Finally White entered. By far the biggest of the bunch, she was also the most introverted. Her roots slid elegantly over towards him and even managed to stop Pale from talking for a moment.

He took them inside the living room only to find that somehow the larva and the winged creature had somehow gotten into a fight and now both were in hiding in opposite sides of the room. Normally he wouldn’t make such a big deal out of this if somehow his couch wasn’t full of tiny needles and a chair was on fire. He rushed to the tap to fill a bowl of water to extinguish the little fire. With the attention being diverted Hollow managed to slip from the watch of Pale and could now be found in the corner Radiance was hiding. The larva figured out quickly he liked to play games and had soon enough set up a plan to make him betray Pale.

In the meantime White had climbed the couch and started pulling out the needles while Shade lord had figured out what the membrane between the appendages from the weird creature were for. Namely, for flight. And now she was attacking his horns and he couldn’t reach her. As if her flying was not good enough alone, whenever he raised his arms she would back off and launch a little fireball  All this commotion woke up baby Unn who slowly started to slither away from her crib to find food.

The shade lord finally had enough of the little fire hazard and rushed towards the pantry to get a kettle. Once he had found it he peeked around the corner only to find that fire hazard eating his popcorn! All caution was thrown aside and he grabbed her by the guts and put her inside the kettle. She tried to heat it but he added some water to it. While it evaporated quickly it was apparently enough to bring over the message. Now he could focus his attention back on the larva again, only she could’ve produced those needles, which White was making great progress with removing them as a quick glance told him.

Now back to Pale and Radiance who were apparently having a fight (Darkness, that larva really has a talent to provoke others). They were arguing near the coffee table, because apparently they wanted a fight so bad they just ran to each other and met in the middle. Hollow was climbing one of the legs of the table, but wasn’t noticed by the shade lord because he was too occupied with the other 2. He tried to separate the arguing pair but they were at each other’s throats. They even had summoned a needle and a tiny dagger to fight each other. The shade lord obviously didn’t count on this tiny factor and had soon enough one in each hand. He screamed, trying not to curse, barely not failing miserably, and Pale managed to escape. In any other situation this wouldn’t pose a problem, but Hollow, after eating some popcorn, found himself at the right edge of the coffee table and pulled out his tiny wooden sword he got from Pale. The larva, Darkness curse her, used this to her advantage and made the sign to Hollow to betray Pale. The act of betraying Pale involved jumping off of the coffee table and hitting Pale as hard on the head as possible. Naturally, all of this went according to plan and even brought some extra spectacle. After Hollow had hit Pale on the head he wasn’t prepared for the recoil of the wood and ended up hitting himself in the face.

All of this lead to 3 crying children (1 of them from laughing, the others from pain) and 1 very angry young adult. He put the larva on the couch and took care of the others while White held a close eye on the damned 10 legged thing. After Pale and Hollow weren’t crying anymore he took the little fire hazard out of the kettle and continued his movie, which was getting to an end.

After the film ended a documentary started and had all the kids hooked. He went to check on Unn only to find an empty crib. He could however see a slimy trail lead up his wall and onto the ceiling. It went through the door into the pantry where he kept his food and toys for the toddlers. He looked up on the ceiling only to find a sleepy Unn with a letter block in her mouth. Suddenly Unn started to make a very weird noise and fell from the ceiling onto his face. He swiped her off of his face onto his shoulder and then washed it.

He returned back to the tv to watch the documentary that was still playing and plopped down on the couch. Not long after he was asleep with White on his left shoulder, Unn on his right shoulder, the little fire hazard on the same arm and Pale curled up in his lap. Radiance and hollow were still awake but occupied with the documentary instead of causing trouble. After the documentary ended they crawled up against his sides and fell asleep.

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By @constantlost 

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By @bugbeee

Exhaustion seeped into Shadelord’s body, limbs weighed down by a heaviness they hadn’t experienced in a while. The smatter of godlings that lay around them on the couch, or on them in Radi’s case, was enough to convince them that they had died and that this was the Eternal Void that was created to punish them for cheating on that test in the 8th grade. In their defence, it had been on rock sedimentation.

Wyrm continued his grumbling from the corner of the couch, still infuriated by the attack on his person only moments before. Root, the aggressor, looked remarkably pleased with herself. Shade knew they should probably punish her further in some way but... well, to be perfectly honest, they simply were not paid enough to do so.

They really should have charged more. Fifteen dollars at least per tiny demon they had to look after rather than the whole bunch. Fifteen dollars was not enough to encourage discipline. It was enough for them to make sure none of the godlings killed the other. And they had thought they had come up with an ingenious plan to secure some peace and quiet.

After much wrangling, they had finally managed to set up two separate playpens, each far enough away that the godlings wouldn’t start screaming if one of them saw their rival. Wyrm and Root in one pen, Grimm, Radi and Unn in another. It was a gamble, but one that thankfully seemed to have paid off. Radi was still exhausted from the tussle she had just had with Wyrm, and Grimm seemed content to chew off the heads of the plastic Garbies they had found. Unn continued to watch, and occasionally helped Grimm execute a Garbie in a spectacular manner. It was both reassuring, and beyond disturbing. Root and Wyrm meanwhile were cheerfully ignoring each other as they both played with their own toys.

It should have been foolproof.

Unfortunately for Shade however, they were dealing with infants instead of fools.

For some damned reason, Root had decided that now was the perfect time to act up, instead of being the sweet little darling she had been so far. Her target, much to their dismay, had been Wyrm. In all fairness, the godling had probably deserved it in some way; most likely he had tried to worm too close in order to steal some of the grubpaste and mushroom sticks Shade had left out as a snack. Root had seen this theft as a cardinal sin, and had subsequently decided that Wyrm deserved nothing less than absolute annihilation.

The momentary doze Shade had managed to fall into was abruptly interrupted by loud shrieking and wailing, resulting in them vaulting over the couch to hurriedly find out which one of the godlings was being tortured.

The scene that greeted them was... well, it wasn’t any less ridiculous than some of the other stuff the little goblins had pulled before.

Using her flexible tendrils, Root had seen fit to wrap them around Wyrm, and aggressively dunk him into the bowl of grubpaste he had attempted to steal from. His shrieks and hisses had woken up Radi and drawn the attention of the other children, who were now cheering on Root’s attack on Wyrm’s person.

“Enough,” Shade declared, shooting a glare behind them, “Root, let him go.” Root looked up innocently.

No, she seemed to say with her eyes, justice must prevail.

“Justice won’t get me my fifteen dollars,” they hissed out in return, and they could have sworn that Root shrugged, turning away from them to dunk Wyrm into the bowl yet again.

“No!” they cried out, quickly whipping down to grab the poor child before he could be further humiliated. After finally being saved from his vicious tormentor, Wyrm decided it was time to go into hysterics, lashing out with a sharp tail to fully show his displeasure. Root simply watched impassively as the rest of the children cheered.

Shade wondered if fifteen dollars was even worth it at this point.

“Alright, alright, enough! Root, you go in time out. We do not waterboard our fellow godlings in grubpaste. Wyrm, calm down, it’s just grubpaste- Settle down!” they yelped out, flinching as something heavy settled onto their head. The soft fluff revealed that Radi had decided to fly out of her pen and taunt Wyrm in person. Shade wanted to sob with frustration.

The door cracked open, and Ghost peered in, head tilted curiously.

Need help? they signed, and Shade wanted to collapse in relief.

“Please,” they begged, and their sibling nodded grimly, even as amusement danced in their eyes. Shucking off their school backpack, they quickly headed over to the other pen and signed to them, bobbing their head up and down in a soothing motion. Grimm and Unn were entranced. Radi less so. She remained seated on their head, but at least seemed to have finally stopped provoking Wyrm.

“I’m just going to clean him up,” Shade explained uselessly, watching as Ghost simply nodded and waved them off. 

With a tired gait, Shade wandered into the kitchen and turned on the tap, listening as Wyrm’s panicked yelps grew louder at the realisation of what was going to happen next. Radi snickered softly, before leaping off and gliding back into the living room.

Bath time, according to the godlings, was a fate worse than death, and something to be avoided at all cost.

Unfortunately for both Wyrm and Shade, it was a necessary evil. Wyrm disagreed. Loudly. And with claws.

He howled furiously as Shade slowly lowered him into the warm water, softly scrubbing at the now-dried grubpaste sticking to his skin. Despite his attempts, Wyrm failed to prevent them from continuing his bath. He turned to pathetic pleading instead, making soft mewling sounds as though he was nothing more than a poor innocent child who had done nothing wrong, ever.

Shade, who remembered the little bastard knocking a glass ornament onto their head, was not convinced. Ultimately there was no escape, and Wyrm reluctantly gave in to the soft scrubbing, though he made sure his rumbling complaints were known.

“Yes, yes,” Shade said quietly, “I truly am the worst. Close your eyes so I can rinse you.”

Wyrm, in a dumb act of defiance, did not close his eyes. The hysterics started again, and Shade contemplated drowning themself in the half-filled sink. Fifteen dollars, they repeated. Fifteen dollars.

Grabbing a tea towel, they quickly dried the godling off, carefully teasing out water droplets from soft scales. He child gnawed on their fingers in revenge. “I’m done,” they announced, wandering back into the living room with a now clean, and furious, Wyrm.

Ghost looked up from their position on the floor, back leaning against the couch as they played with Grimm. Radi immediately perked up at the sound of Shade’s voice, and quickly flew over, making herself at home on top of their head. Unn seemed to have decided to undertake the momentous task of scaling up the back of the couch, leaving a thick trail of slime behind. Root, still stuck in her pen as punishment, let out a wail, demanding to be let out.

Shade was all out of energy to fight back or deal with a tantrum.

“Alright, alright, out you go,” they muttered, depositing Wyrm on the couch before reaching down to lift out the petulant child from her terrible prison. She clung to them desperately until they finally collapsed on the sofa. She quickly wriggled out of their hold and instead plonked down beside them. Wyrm had hissed at the sight of her, and slunk to the other side of the couch to sulk.

Grimm let out a raspy cackle at the sight, before diving down to nip at Ghost’s fingers.

Unn finally made her way to the top of the couch and waved her eyestalks victoriously. All Shade could do was give her a tired pat.

They sank into the couch, the exhaustion creeping back in. It should have been foolproof.

Fifteen dollars.

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By @arandoskeleartist​

[oikawasass]

bakugo’s girlfriend getting kidnapped by some nasty villains , either the league or like overhaul or someone and after nearly a week of her being missing , she finally gets found and brought back to the dorms ? please!!

you’re safe now.

‣ pairing : bakugo x fem reader.

‣ oneshot.

‣ synopsis : bakugo’s girlfriend is brought safely back to the 1-A dorms after being missing for nearly two weeks.

‣ wordcount : 1.8k+

‣ warnings : swearing, angst, potentially triggering themes, graphic mentions.

Things were horrible after she had been abducted.

There seemed to be a nonstop weight over the entire classroom for days, people were beyond worried for her. All her friends, classmates, peers, teachers, everyone missed the sweet girl who graced class 1-A 5 days a week and could always light up a room when in the dorms.

Y/n had been missing for over a week now, coming up on two weeks in a few days. Some had even begun to accept the fact that she may not be coming back.

God forbid a certain crimson eyed blonde came across those people.

He had taken the worst of it when it was announced she went missing.

He just…broke. He didn’t have the energy to be his normal energetic or hotheaded self. He didn’t have the energy to train as hard as he normally does, his grades had even begun to slip. He hadn’t insulted anyone or told anyone off, he hardly spoke. Only muttering small answers when it was necessary.

Everything had been going downhill from the minute she was taken away from him.

He wanted to curse out and scream at every damn police officer and pro hero that was on this case. They were taking so fucking long to find his her, god only knows where y/n could be or what had happened to her by now.

Bakugo constantly replayed his own fears and worries over and over again in his mind, on an endless loop. He even began to blame himself for what had happened to Y/n.  Why wasn’t he there to protect her? To do his most important job as her boyfriend, to keep her safe?

And when he found out she was taken by the fucking league? It made things even worse. Bakugo knew the shit he sat through and had to listen to while he was there for hardly a day, and in that short time, even he had become scared at what might happen to him.

He was terrified of what they might be doing to his angel of a girlfriend.

Bakugo was a wreck. An absolute mess of emotions he couldn’t even identify since he’s never felt like this before.

He missed her surprise nose kisses that embarrassed him in front of his friends, her small hand entangled in his own as they walked down the halls, he missed her smaller figure draped atop his own with her head buried in the crook of his neck, their calm breathing in sync being the only sound to fill whoever’s dorm room they occupied for their afterschool cuddle sessions. He missed it so god damn much he didn’t know what to do with himself.

He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to any of that yet, hell he was sure wouldn’t ever be ready to say goodbye to those things. To say goodbye to her.

Yet here he was, alone. Without her. Totally helpless and unable to go save her when she needed him the most.

Bakugo walked back into the dorms with the rest of his classmates once their afterschool training was finished, ready to go right back up to his room and blankly stare at his ceiling, mind racing with thoughts of nothing but Y/n.

His plans were interrupted by Aizawa bursting through the front doors.

“Okay, I have two minutes, so everyone listen, and listen well.” he said sternly, dressed in his hero gear. “We found y/n”

Bakugo hadn’t tuned into what Aizawa was blabbering about until he heard those three words leave his mouth. Then he was immediately at the front of the group, ears open and ready to hear every word that came out of his mouth.

“The pros, the police and I are going to get her right now. You all are to stay. here. no matter what. Understand me?”

Bakugo was the only one to interrupt. He’d been sitting here, a depressed wreck for fucking days now, and he was just supposed to keep sitting here twiddling his thumbs?

 “What? No! You can’t just make me fucking sit here while you all go get her!”

A few people were shocked at the way Katsuki had spoken to their teacher, and normally Aizawa would be aswell, but Shouta understood his frustrations, and he’d seen first hand the way the boy had been acting the past two weeks.

Going against his own better judgment, he stepped forward and placed a hand onto the shoulder of the blonde.

“We’ll bring her back, Bakugo.” He said, making direct eye contact with his student. He honestly wasn’t one hundred percent sure they would be able to bring her back, but the last thing he needed was Bakugo showing up and ruining their chances even more.

Bakugo swallowed thickly, deciding to bite his tongue on this one as to not keep Y/n waiting any longer. He nodded his head, shoving his hands into his pockets and backing away from Aizawa as he left. Now he had to wait. Wait in complete helplessness that she would come back, just like he’d been doing all week.  

✧༺⋆⋆༻✧

Three hours.

Three unbearably long hours since Aizawa had come and announced that they had finally found y/n’s location.

Three excruciatingly painful hours that Bakugo paced the common room, refusing to leave until he heard some kind of news about the h/c haired girl.

His friends didn’t dare try to get him to sit down, or focus on something else, they knew he would blow up at the slightest disturbance. 

Bakugo was tired. He was worried, scared, and the pain in his chest only grew as each second passed. It was late, it was cold, and she was out there. She could be anywhere, and who knows what could be happening around her right now.

Then it happened, Aizawa walked through the doors. A small, tired and pale looking girl under his arm with a small blanket wrapped around her, the type ambulances hand out to victims.

There she was. Holy fuck she was okay. And alive, and walking, and breathing.

Bakugo froze. His whole body went numb. God, he wanted to run up to her and tackle her to the fucking ground, hugging her so tight she wouldn’t be able to breathe. But she looked so… so fragile, so beaten down, it pained him to see her like this, almost just as much as when she was gone.

The couple made eye contact, immediately becoming teary-eyed. Y/n’s tired, scared eyes meeting her boyfriend’s dull and lifeless ones. All the beautiful colors slowly began to flood back into their iris’s. Bakugo didn’t give a shit who was around, all that mattered in that moment was her.

Y/n dropped the blanket from her shoulders, bolting over to her boyfriend as fast as her tired legs could push her. Bakugo did the same, immediately running to his girlfriend and meeting her in the center of the room. 

Y/n’s arms instantly wrapped around Bakugo’s neck, while the blonde male picked her up by her waist and held her tighter than he’s ever held anyone. The small girl’s legs wrapped tightly around his waist, clinging to him like a lifeline.

Sobs filled the room, the frail girl finally breaking down once being back in her boyfriend’s arms. She cried into the crook of his neck, gripping his shirt so hard her knuckles began to turn white. The two seemed terrified to let each other go, as if they would be taken away from one another again if they did. Bakugo was crying too, unable to keep his tears from falling. He didn’t care one bit. The only thing occupying his attention right now was Y/n, breaking down in his arms.

The rest of the people surrounding them slowly took their leave, letting them have their privacy.

“ I-I… I thought- thought i was n-never gonna see you again. “ Y/n choked out through her dry throat and borderline violent sobs. “ o-oh my god they said- I thought that- “ The poor girl couldn’t even finish her sentence, hugging Katsuki tighter and tighter.

He shushed her softly, cradling her head and holding her close, inhaling her scent which he’d longed so much to smell in these past two weeks. 

“Y-you’re,” He cleared his throat, swallowing thickly as to keep himself from sobbing. “You’re okay. I’m here, you’re here with me. I’ll always be here.”

He spoke quietly, his own voice too shaky and unstable to speak any louder. Katsuki slowly brought them over to the common room couch, sitting down and allowing Y/n to lay between his legs as she cuddled up to him, gently running his fingers through her hair, hoping to help calm her sobbing. A calm Y/n meant a calm Bakugo.

She was still crying into the crook of his neck, refusing to let go. All she wanted was to be close to him, she finally felt safe again.

“they- they told me that they- that they killed you… they made f-fake news reports and altered p-papers and news recordings…” Bakugo’s jaw clenched. “they described e-every horrible th-thing they’d done to you in d-detail for hours… I th-thought I was gonna go insane…” Y/n spilled, her tight grip on Bakugos shirt not faltering at all. 

“they tried to m-make me into o-one of them… they threatened to kill m-my family, all our classmates, and th-they said they were gonna make me watch! They s-said if I didn’t list-listen that they’d force me t-to watch them kill you and everyone else o-over and over until they killed me!” Y/n explained through her uneasy, dry and pained throat. Her voice was almost trembling more than her body.

The male slowly cupped her cheeks and gently lifted her head up to meet their teary eyes together. It was just now he was noticing all the bruises and small cuts that covered her face, it was almost as if he could feel the pain of them on his own skin.

“Oi, stop that. Just look at me. I’m okay, and you’re okay. And we’re together again, y-yeah? everyone else is fine, no one else is. . is gonna get hurt anymore.” His voice was still a bit unstable, but he tried his best to be strong for both of them.

Bakugo pulled Y/n into a soft, yet starved and desperate kiss. One the couple had been craving since the moment they were split apart. The kiss held so much passion, so much desire, yet was so delicate and pure as their lips moved in sync.

“I’ll never let some shitty villains come near you ever again, y’understand?” Bakugo said, running a thumb gently over her cheek as Y/n nodded her head, wiping her eyes and laying her head back onto his chest, Bakugo’s hand cradling it and holding her tightly against him.

“No one is ever taking you away from me ever again.”

LOOOL okay so i accidentally wrote this with the time being nearly two weeks cause i’m borderline dislexic but i still hope this was enjoyable !!

[trashcanband4]

Therapy Sessions Ch. 3

Ch. 1   Ch. 2

Pairing: NeganxOc (Kelly). Setting: The Sanctuary. Warnings: Ooc Negan.

Three weeks went by. She would sleep on the other side of Negan’s bed. Wake up to him gone, do a morning work out, eat whatever small amount of food was left on a plate on the table then wait for Negan to come back just to be prodded with what he called get to know you question’s. These questions were so pointless and superficial that she swore that Negan was simply trying to bore her to death. Frankly she was getting tired of it.

It was after the twentieth or so question of the day that she asked, “Why are you wasting time and resources on me?” finally snapping, raising her voice at him for the first time. “Why are you dead set on this?” she stood up and looked down at him.

He glared up at her. “I don’t know. I just know I need to.”

“God, you are so…” she started but stopped, not being able to think of a word that described him.

“Charming,” he said as she stood up, looking down at her, “handsome, generous, drop dead fucking sexy as hell.” He finished with a smile and a slight lean back.

“Annoying…ass-hole…arrogant… bastard.” She spat the words at him then moved to turn around, but he grabbed her by her arm and pulled her back around to face him. Her eyes traveled to his hand on her sleeved upper arm then back up to his glaring, dilated eyes.

“I have taken it easy on you, Dead Girl.” He warned her. “Talk to me like that again and you’ll join Daryl on easy street.”

“Good, do it, it has to be better than do you like this, do you like that, when did you lose your virginity, when did you have you first kiss, blah blah blah blah blah.” She said in her best deep Negan voice. “If your goal is to drive me fucking bat shit crazy then congratulations you’ve won! The fucking gold metal goes to surprise, surprise, you! Asshole of the year everybody!” she was yelling at him and finally lashing out, but it wasn’t enough for Negan, he needed more.

So with glaring eyes and a strained grin Negan he wrapped his long fingers around her neck and shoved her back until her butt hit the edge of the table causing glasses to rattle then pressed his lips to hers. He was actually surprised that she started kissing him back and placed her hands on his sides. As her tongue snaked its way into his mouth she slid one of her hands up to rest on his chest. His hand on her throat relaxed as his eyes slipped closed. Feeling him relax she swiftly, slid her hand across his chest and used her forearm shove him back with all her might.

He stumbled back, hand still in there air where it had been on her neck as his eyes slowly opened. As he saw her panting with flared nostrils and fire in her eyes, a smirk spread across his lips. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that.” His words had no effect on her. “But that, right there,” he motioned to her face, “I did. You fuckin’ look like you want to murder me right now, Darlin’.”

“I fucking hate you.” she growled still seething in anger.

“According to that kiss, you fucking love me.” He said with another cheeky grin and a jerk of his chin.

“Don’t flatter yourself.” She told his as she walked around him. “It was a distraction tactic and it worked.” She grabbed her plaid shirt off of the bed and shrugged it on.

With her back still to him she drew in a calming breath then held it a few seconds. “Holy shit, he just fucking got to me. He fucking did it. I felt pure…raw rage for the first time since Markus left me. Oh my God, is that when all this started, when he left me? Is that when I started shutting down? And whoa, that kiss. I had thought about Negan kissing me before, when he first brought me here and I thought that sex is what he wanted from me, but holy fucking shit was that good.” After silently panicking she let the breath out. “What’s next, you gonna try to make me cry?” she asked as she turned around and walked past him and sat down in her dining chair on the left side of the table. “Boo hoo hoo my children died and my husband left me. You murdered two good men and took me away from my people. You made Kelly angry waah.” She rubbed under her eyes as she pretended to cry then dropped them from her faced and let her face turn sarcastic. “I don’t cry anymore. In order to cry you need to hurt and I can’t get hurt anymore.”

“Getting hurt is part of living.” Negan responded. “Shutting down like you’re doing is hurting you.”

“I can’t feel anything.” As she spoke her eyes fell to the floor. “What I’m doing is self preservation.”

“No, what you’re doing is selfish.” He countered.

“How so?” she asked.

“By not letting people in, you’re robbing them of the pleasure of knowing you, of having a friend in you. Hell you are drop dead fucking gorgeous.” She rolled her eyes at him. “Seriously, I’m surprised some poor fucker hasn’t turned just from lookin’ at you. If that kiss is any indication I’m sure you’re a good fuck too.” He was trying to get under her skin again.

“None of that is true.” She said with a head shake. “As for being a good fuck…I don’t even remember what I’m like.” She shrugged then leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest.

He moved to straddle her outstretched legs. Her eyes took in his big hands that gripped the arm rests of the wooden chair she was sitting in before she let them travel up his plain white t-shirt covered chest, his neck, his lips then his eyes. “Do you want me to help you remember?”

“No.” Negan was surprised to see that all that rage he had seen before was now gone and she was back to her cool calm collected self. “I may be mentally broken…but I still have morals. I’m not your wife.”

“Would putting a ring on your finger get you to open up to me…let me in?” he asked, still leaning over her, staring her down in the chair.

“No.”

“Tell me why not.” He said leaning down a little more as if that would get to her, “Explain yourself.”

“If you didn’t have other wives…If I knew making a vow and putting a ring on my finger would make me something special to you, then maybe it would help. Maybe, but you’ve already admitted between the lines that you don’t see them as real wives. So why would I want that for myself?”

“I guess as you see it now you wouldn’t.” he stood back up and moved to sit in the chair across the table from her. “But you’ve already got one advantage over them. I don’t allow them to sleep in my bed. I don’t give anyone anything without expecting something in return. Most people here, they work for points and those points are spent on what it takes to keep them alive and comfortable. My wives, they earn their keep by keeping me happy. Then there are the people that are good for nothing but working the fences.” He explained a bit of the inner workings of the sanctuary to her. “What have you given me to earn what you have been given? As I see it you are in negative points right now which is not a good place to be.”

“I didn’t realize that’s how it worked.” She said quietly, hating the fact that she was now in debt to him. “I’ll earn my point’s… Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

“All I want you to do for now is let me help you.” he answered.

“I don’t know how to do that.” She whispered more to herself than him. “I can handle being thrown into a room to be isolated and abused. I can even handle physical torture, but I have spent years building up these walls that you’re asking me to break I…” for the first time in a long time she felt her eyes water, but she didn’t let the tears fall. “What if I break?”

“That’s what I’m here for.” He told her as he leaned up and placed his arms on the table. “If you break, it’ll be because I made you. So I’ll pick up the pieces and put you back together.”

“And how do I know I can trust you?” she asked sitting up to mimic how he had his arms cross on the table. “How do I know that you don’t intend on breaking me and leaving me that way? How do I know that you don’t get some sick sadistic pleasure out of breaking people?”

“Blind faith?” He answered and she shook her head no. “Do you know why I chose you?” he asked and she shook her head no again. “I’ve seen a lot of people with the same void look in their eyes and it never bothered me before, I never cared before. But something about you, something about how you looked at me, made me care. I care too much about you to break you indefinitely. I can’t find out what has drawn me to you until you are alive and care about the people in your life.”

Kelly sighed and let her head fall onto the table, her forehead pressed into the cold wood as she covered her head with her arms. “You might as well stick me in the cell next to Daryl. There is no fixing me. I’m too damaged…”

“You don’t have a choice, sweetheart.” His whispered, soft words made her pick her head up and rest her chin on her arms that she folded on the table. “I’m gonna fix that fucked up head of yours rather you fuckn’ want me to or not.” He stood up and locked the door and chained it shut. “You’re goin’ to stay right here. You can fight me every inch of the way, but it happenin’ darlin’.”

The fire was back in her eyes for a split second. So it surprised him when she said, “Fine.” And just like that the hatred in her eyes was gone, replaced again with emptiness. “Do your worst.” She said as she stood up and walked over to stand chest to chest with him. Her boldness also surprised him. She kept doing that, surprising him when he thought he had her figured out. “Try to make me feel something other than rage, but it won’t work. I…feel…nothing good.”

If he was being honest, she had him riled up, harder than a rock the way she kept glaring at him, her chest pressed against his. He wanted to grab her and this time push her against the door and take her right then and there, but he knew that wasn’t the way to go about getting to her to truly open up to him. Instead he bit his lip and nodded then walked around her to sit back down at the table. Her eyes followed him curiously. “You know, Daryl’s been asking about you. Every time someone goes in to feed him he asks where you are and what I’m doing to you. He’s threatened to kill me several times if I lay a hand on you.”

She sat down on the bed and pulled her knees into her chest. Negan noticed her start chewing on the inside of her lip as she stared at the floor. She had never done that before, but Negan had never spoken about how Daryl was doing before. He had mentioned here and there about what he was doing to Daryl and how he intended on breaking Daryl, but never had he mentioned Daryl’s side of things. Kelly had cared for Daryl at one point a long time ago. He’d saved her on more than one occasion and in more than one way.

“No comment?” he asked making Kelly’s dark eyes snap up at him. “Do you care about him?” he watched her suck her lip into her mouth and shake her head as her lips slid between her teeth. “Could’ve fooled me.”

“I cared about him…past tense.” She answered as she dropped her legs to hang off the edge of the bed.

“Tell me what you think about Daryl.” He told her as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

“No.” she shook her head, her brown frizzy waves slapping her in the sides of the face.

“Why not?” he asked, trying to not let his aggravation show.

“Because I’m not going to give you ammo to use against him.” She answered.

“What is said between us in this room stays here in this room.” he told her and she just stared at him. “As soon as I walk out of that door I will forget whatever you may tell me. We can’t talk about your past for forever. We need to talk about the here and now. The people you surrounded yourself with and what you think about them will tell me about you. So talk to me.”

“Fine.” She said as she leaned back to lay on the bed. “What I think about Daryl.” She sighed as she stared up at the ceiling. “He’s a damn good man. Loyal to a fault. Protective of his people. He’s saved me a lot, even when I didn’t want him to. We were close before I fell away from everyone.”

“What about Rick the prick?” he asked as he stood up and took off his leather jacket.

“God where do I start with Rick?” she scoffed. “He’s a leader, hardheaded, strong. He doesn’t take shit from anyone. He doesn’t always make the best choices, but his heart’s always in a good place when he does. He’s pissed me off more times than I can count, but he’s still a good guy.”

“What about that guy…Spencer?”

“Arrogant, entitled asshole not worth the air he breaths.” She answered quickly.

“Good to hear that, because I killed him yesterday.” Negan answered causing Kelly to sit up and look at him.

“Why?” she asked flatly.

“He was trying to weasel his way into my good graces…trying to play me and I saw right through it.” he answered.

“Stupid.” She said making Negan think she was calling him stupid for killing Spencer. He glared at her, making her realize how Negan took her word. “Spencer, not you.” she clarified. “So you’ve been inside Alexandria?” she asked and Negan nodded. “Have you met Judith, Rick’s daughter?”

“Yep, she’s a sweetheart. I made her and Carl dinner then rocked her to sleep while I waited for Rick the prick to come home. Speaking of home, you guys have it made there, electricity, running water…”

“I know I’m in no place to make requests, but can I ask that you don’t hurt Judith?” she asked quietly.

Negan stared at her for a second. “I’d never hurt a toddler.”

As he thought about Negan rocking Judith to sleep, she remembered that when she was brought to the doctor, one of Negan’s wives was leaving the office and the doctor threw away a negative pregnancy test as Kelly walked in. “Can I ask you something?” she asked and Negan motioned for her to talk. “Do you like kids?”

“I love kids, they’re the future. I worked with them before the turn.”

“Do you want kids?” she asked and Negan just stared at her for a second, trying to figure out what she was getting at.

He smiled a little, showing off his dimples before he finally answered. “I would love to have a kid one day.”

“Is that why you have all those wives? To try to have a kid before you bite the dust?” she pulled her knees to her chest again and wrapped her arms around them, thinking he was going to get mad or lash out at her.

“Hadn’t thought about it like that, but yeah, I guess that’s one of the perks.” He said with a smile on his face at the thought of having a kid. It didn’t matter which one of his wives was the mother. He just loved the idea of being a father.

After a while of sitting in silence, which was odd given that Negan was in the room, Kelly dropped her toned legs, clad in black yoga pants, from her chest and stood up. “Am I ever going to get to see what else is out there besides the doctor’s office and showers?” she asked as she walked over to the counter in the room and poured herself a glass of water. She took a drink as she turned and leaned her hips against the bar.

“The day you truly open up to me will be the day you see something other than these four walls.” He answered and she swallowed then nodded. “Oh, I almost fuckin’ forgot.” He said as he jumped up and walked over to her. “The doc. pointed something out to me today. Mentioned you might be needing these soon.” He took the glass out of her hand and replaced it with a stack of pink wrapped sanitary napkins. She wrapped her hand around the stack and dropped her hand as she looked up at him to see if he was embarrassed. Most men would be in this situation. The inner workings of the female body tended to make most men squeamish. Negan however looked amused. “Felt like a dumb ass walking around with those in my back pocket all day, just so you know.”

She smirked at him a little and simply said, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He gave her a small smile in return. “Lucille used to make me go get those things all the time. She always got really sick during that time of month.” He said as he turned his back on her and walked away a bit.

As she scanned his back, taking in his broad shoulders, covered with a white t-shirt, slim waist and his ass, clad in grey pants, she felt the urge to touch him. “Fuck. This isn’t happening.” She told herself as she started chewing on the inside of her lips again. “I’m not starting to feel something for him. I just…I find him attractive, that’s it, plain and simple. I don’t like him or want him.” She reassured herself.

“You hungry?” Negan asked getting Kelly’s attention. “I’m fuckin’ starvin’.”

“I could eat.” She answered with a numb nod, Negan noticed the distracted look on her face, but decided to drop it for now. “What time is it?”

Negan looked at his watch then answered, “Six twenty-five.”

She realized then that she was actually starving and had missed lunch. “Time flies.”

“I’m gonna go grab us some dinner.” He said as he put his jacket back on and walked out of the door without another word.

When Negan was gone, Kelly pulled the sanitary napkins out of her pocket and looked at them, then around the room. She’d been there for almost a month now and in this world if you stayed in one place longer than that you started to call it home. Here felt nothing like home and as she looked at the napkins she realized they were the only things she could call her own here along with the necklace on her neck.

For the first time since she had gotten there she thought about Alexandria, about home. The old folded up photo of her kids that probably still sat on her night stand. The pictures they had drawn her that was still taped to the walls. Her clothes that hung in her closet. She missed having her own room and her own things. She didn’t think she ever would miss Alexandria.

With a sigh she tucked the napkins back into her pocket and took her necklace off of her neck. It had been so long since she opened it that she feared that it wouldn’t, but after sticking her thumbnail between the pieces, it popped open. The faces of her husband and children looked back at her. Her old life flashed before her eyes and before it could get to her, she clipped it shut and took a deep breath. She pushed back the tears before they could make it out of her eyes. Negan had really done a number on her when he pissed her off.

She was letting the breath out when Negan opened the door with a tray in his hand and a reusable shopping bag in the other. She hopped up and took the tray from him to place it on the table. “So what’s for dinner?” she asked as she turned back toward him.

“BLT’s and fresh fruit.” He answered and her mouth instantly watered. “But first I went shopping for you.”

“What?” she asked, a little confused.

“Here.” He handed her the shopping bag with a recycling symbol on the side of it and she hesitantly took it from him.

“What is this gonna cost me?” she asked still not looking in the bag.

“It’s on the house.” He answered causing her to glare at him. “It’s not a trap, I promise. I just figured you could use a few things of your own.”

“Okay…” she drawled as she set the bag on the bed and started taking things out. A hair brush with hair ties wrapped around the handle, bobby pins were hooked on the elastics, a notebook and a few different colors of pens, a Mac cosmetics lip balm that changed color depending on the ph of lips, a Too Faced black eyeliner and mascara set, deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste, a compact mirror, tweezers, nail clippers, a nail file and a small tube of bath and body works hand cream. “Are you sure there’s not a catch? This is a lot of stuff and not cheap stuff I might add. The makeup alone is like, eighty bucks.” She knew she was making a good case for him to take the stuff back, but she didn’t want to owe him anything.

“Really, those three things are worth that much?” he asked disbelievingly and she nodded at him. “Well they’re worthless to me so take them.”

“Okay, if you insist.” She said with a nod.

While she put the things back into the bag, Negan started taking the lids off of their food. When she turned around she saw that he had found her necklace that she’d left on the table. She froze, as she saw that he had opened it and was looking at the pictures. When he looked up at her their eyes locked. “I’m guessing these are you kids.” He said as he looked back down at the pictures. “And this is your husband.” He pointed to the picture of Kell’s husband. “What are their names?” his tone told her that she had no choice but to answer the question.

“Darcy and Xavier were my kids. Markus is my ex husbands name.” she answered wondering why he cared what their names were.

“That’s what I thought.” He sighed making her cock her head at him in confusion.

“What?” she asked as he snapped the locket shut and handed it to her.

“Markus isn’t at Hilltop or The Kingdom.” She stared at him, wondering what he was getting at. “Markus is here. He's one of my men.” Negan said quietly.

Kelly just stared at him, a million thoughts flying through her head. Would he tell Markus that she was here? Would he use him to try to break her? She couldn't see Markus again, not when he was the cause if her shutting down in the first place. "Are you going to say something?"

"I don’t know what to say." She whispered as he took in the look of pure fear on her face.

"Do you want to see him?"

"NO!" Kelly answered louder than she meant to and Negan cocked his head to the side. "If I see him again I will not hesitate to kill him or at the very least re-break his nose."

"That is something I'd like to see." Negan told her with a smile then remembered that Markus's nose was broken when he first came to the sanctuary. "Wait, you broke his nose before he left Alexandria?"

"I told you things got ugly between us." She answered with a shrug.

"Elaborate." He told her as he picked up his sandwich, but when she didn't answer he looked her over a little closer and noticed her hand on her stomach. Seeing that she was so upset she couldn't eat he changed his mind. "Never mind. Calm down, eat your supper and well cover that topic in the morning."

Eventually her nerves untangled enough that she could eat and as soon as she was done she crawled into bed before Negan then quickly went to sleep.

[zwritestuff]

Are you doing prompts?? 32F with Lemyanka please?! With all the angst you can manage!

Lemyanka anon here, sorry I forgot!! Can you do 5 times they nearly revealed their feelings to each other but didn’t? X

jesus this got long. i tweaked the dialogue prompt, hope you don’t mind. i’m sorry for the delay!

32. “But do they fuck you like I did?” / F.  N Things (ex: ‘5 times x did y’)

1.

Admittedly, Lemon’s best ideas come to her while she’s drunk - Priyanka, however, is the only exception. 

It was meant to just be a casual thing; they were just friends with benefits and no strings attached. They hung out with the rest of their friendship group with normality, sometimes they went home together and other times they left from the bar with a new stranger. 

Everything was good and emotions were under control, until Lemon realized the tug in her heart whenever Priyanka flirted with other girls.

She texted her one day asking if she wanted to hang out once she was done with her lectures, having decided to tell her about her feelings, and that they should stop sleeping around before Lemon is in it too deep - but Priyanka said she had something lined up already and couldn’t cancel. Lemon brushed it off, saying it was okay and wishing her to have fun, thinking she’d have her opportunity soon.

2.

Priyanka drops the bomb that she’s seeing someone while they’re studying with Rita and Starzy. Lemon’s heart stops for a second, paralyzes mid-movement as she searches for Priyanka’s gaze. She doesn’t seem concerned or awkward at all, and it only adds to the feeling of suffocation invading her.

She rambles about how great she is, and how much she likes her even though it’s been just three weeks since they started seeing each other. The monster of jealousy is fighting to take control over Lemon’s senses, to make her spit bitter words like, “But does she fuck you as good like I did?” 

But she doesn’t. Because she has some dignity left, and their affair was kept from their friends, so it wouldn’t be intelligent to reveal themselves like this.

“Pri,” Lemon calls her once they’re done with their study session, trotting up to meet her. “Can I talk to you for a second?” She tries not to sound too choked up, but it’s easier said than done.

Priyanka stops in her tracks, turning around to see her with a careful look. Lemon has seen that look before, and she hates it. She asks if it has to do with the fact she’s seeing someone, and before Lemon has any chance of replying, she goes on to say that she doesn’t want to make things awkward, and that they can act as if nothing happened if that’s what she wants.

“Woah, I was just going to ask you when are you gonna give me back my yellow dress. I have my brother’s birthday party on Sunday,” she lies with surprising ease, and Priyanka blinks repeatedly, a blush creeping on her cheeks as she tells her she’ll drop the dress by her dorm later today.

3.

Lemon tries to get over Priyanka by downloading Tinder again, but she rarely matches with girls that spark her interest.

Boa’s birthday happens, and they go to a club to celebrate. They get ready in Lemon’s apartment, chaos ensuing as soon as they step foot inside. It’s a welcomed type of chaos, though, one she’s learned to treasure. She gets a call from Priyanka while she’s doing Juice’s make-up, and excuses herself for a moment to lock herself in the bathroom so that she can hear more clearly.

“Pri? Are you coming?” She asks, shutting the door behind her.

“Yeah, I’m on my way. I wanted to ask you if you wouldn't mind if I crashed your place with Tynomi.”

Lemon blinks repeatedly, her mind jumping to the worst of conclusions. “Tynomi?”

“The girl I’ve been going out with,” she explains, and Lemon’s heart aches when she can clearly hear the smile on her face. “I’ve asked Boa if she doesn’t mind her tagging along, and she said it’s fine, but I forgot to ask if she could come with me to your place.”

The grip on her phone tightens, as she takes a shaky breath and steals a glance of herself in the mirror. She wants to scream, tell Priyanka of her feelings, of how she foolishly let herself fall for her and now it hurts her that she’s moved on and she can’t keep pretending that everything is okay. Because it’s not.

“Yeah, sure,” she says instead, reluctantly. 

4. 

Lemon stares at the letter, blinking once, twice, until tears are flooding down her cheeks. She breaks down in the middle of the cafeteria, drawing attention her way, but she doesn’t care. She’ll cry if she wants to - she got accepted into a prestigious dance school in New York with a full ride scholarship. Anyone would cry in her place.

“Girl, are you okay? What did that letter say?” Kiara asks, confused, stroking her back in an attempt to soothe her. All Lemon is able to do is give her the letter, gasping for air. Kiara’s eyes grow wide as she reads the first few sentences. “Holy shit,” she muses.

“What happened?” Priyanka asks, approaching their table with a worried expression. Kiara hands her the letter, as Lemon is still struggling to form coherent sentences. “Holy shit indeed,” Priyanka echoes, looking back and forth between Lemon and the letter. “You’re leaving us?” She asks, with a tone Lemon can’t quite put a finger on.

She simply nods, still too choked up to babble for hours about how this has been her dream since she was a child, and she’s not going to pass up such an opportunity. 

Priyanka looks at her with an indecipherable look before saying, “You deserve it, Lem.”

5. 

The months slip away from Lemon’s fingers, and before she knows it, it’s the night before she leaves for New York. Her parents had been crying all day long in anticipation, repeating over and over again how proud they’re of her. Her friends had treated her to dinner, promising to be there before she boarded the plane.

Priyanka had hugged her tightly when they said goodbye, holding onto her for a second longer than the rest. She took her hands in hers, and Lemon could feel the unsaid words lingering on her lips.

“I’ll miss you,” it was all that she said, letting go of her hands. Part of Lemon wished there would be a heartfelt confession on her side, since she wasn’t dating Tynomi anymore, but it had been foolish of her to think so.

She wants to send Priyanka a text confessing her feelings before she’s in a whole other country for the next three years.

The text is half written on her notes app before she deletes it, turns off her phone and turns around to try to sleep. 

+1.

It’s you. It’s always been you Lem. I miss you. I’m sorry.

Priyanka’s message is two years late, and Lemon can’t help but to shed a tear before she types out a reply.

It was you, too. Was. I’m sorry.

She turns off her phone, not waiting for a reply, and goes back to allowing her fast asleep girlfriend to spoon her.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Hurt, pt.15/finale

Summary: Life moves on and for Ethan and Y/N it has ups and downs, but they brave each storm together.

Warnings: angst, FLUFF, talk of depression 

Word Count: 2000

A/N - best to read while listening to Next to me - Imagine Dragons

Hurt - Masterlist

Tiny fingers curl around Y/N’s pinky. She watches the baby peer through brand new eyes at what must be such a strange world after life inside the womb. Her legs kick in a tiny jagged motion, looking for that resistance they are used to, but finding nothing but air. Y/N wonders if that's unsettling or a relief. It must have been pretty cramped in there with her brothers. When she stretches, her hands barely rise above her head and she can’t help but think of how lucky she is to have this feeling of absolute exhaustion wash over her. She considers herself lucky because after going into labor a month prematurely and without her cervix dilating, her babies nearly died more than once that night.

‘’I’m sorry, but this is for a C section.” Doctor Sonia decided, tired of waiting and risking the babies suffocating inside. Y/N’s contractions were perfectly well-timed, but her cervix was no more than three centimeters dilated and the medication doctor Sonia gave had no effect.

Sweat rolling down her forehead, her heart struggling to beat, Y/N released a shaky breath as her hand squeezed Ethan’s tighter. He was just as terrified as she is, but he didn’t let it show. He was brave for both of them in that moment when he pressed a kiss to Y/N’s temple before nodding.

“Do it. Whatever is necessary to save them all – babies and Y/N.”

“Ethan?” She whispered as if the words she’s about to say are scandalous.

“I love you.” Hearing those words again, for the first time since what it felt like forever, Ethan knew everything would work out eventually. They meant so much more after waiting so long to hear her say it - not out of habit or because she thought she had to, but because she felt it, because she meant it.

“I love you too. Infinity times infinity.”

The night turned into a blur and what was meant to be a happy occasion turned very gloomy when only two of the babies cried. Twins, separated in a completely different amniotic sac, boys at that. But the baby girl who spent her eight months alone, that was much smaller than her brothers, she wasn’t breathing.

“Why isn’t she crying?!” Y/N croaked in a panic that constricted her chest, her eyes settling on the small, blueish baby instead of the twins who were pressed up against her chest, both wailing for being brought out into this world a month too soon. Well, they’re Ethan’s kids, they’d still wail even if they were overdue, simply because they wanted to sleep in.

“Take her to the NICU!” Y/N didn’t know much about medicine, but she knew what that meant from being around Edward so much. A part of her wished he was there as well. She trusted him with her babies, she trusted he’d do whatever it takes to save them. He’d tell her what is happening instead of leaving her in the dark, because that was scarier than hearing the bad news. Not knowing is always more terrifying than hearing what’s happened.

Before she had a chance to react, her twins were taken too and all she had to cling to is Ethan’s hand as they cried together, not knowing what will happen next.

The boys spent a week in the NICU too, but they were allowed to be held and fed by Y/N. Her baby girl was a different story – a full month in the NICU and all she could do is touch her hand through the incubator. She had so many tubes coming in and out of her body that Y/N would cry her heart out whenever she had to leave. It was damaging for a mother to watch her infant daughter struggle alone while she couldn’t do anything to help.

Little did she know her little girl had a guardian angel who had loved her mother and by extension, he loved her too. Edward spent every waking moment making sure that baby survived, never once interfering when Y/N or Ethan were around. He respected her choice and wishes, even if they hurt him, tore him apart. He didn’t resent her for it, but Edward hoped that one day she’d change her mind. However, he was pretty sure that would never happen, especially when he saw her when she was taking the twins home with Ethan. They looked happy and while it made his heart bleed, Edward swore he’d be happy for her and make sure that smile grows wider when she takes her daughter home too.

“I’m so happy you’re home now, but I think your brothers are already jealous of the attention I’ve been giving you. Your father is just as crazy about you too. His little princess, he calls you.” Y/N smiled as little Rose opened her tiny mouth to yawn, smacking her lips a few times before continuing her slumber as if she knew her mother was near, watching over her.

Satisfied she managed to put all three babies to sleep with a little help from Ethan who changed their diapers while she fed them, Y/N slowly moved to the bedroom. She was exhausted, barely keeping her eyes open, especially knowing that in two hours the cycle would start again. The worst part? It was only five in the afternoon and it was just an hour since Ethan got home from work.

While it wasn’t full hours spent in the office and he definitely cut all traveling for some time, Y/N still didn’t feel it was right for him to go back to the company so soon. The Hollywood scene could survive without him a while longer, she couldn’t. 

A little piece of information – his secretary is now a very married man and not a hot ex-girlfriend. Regardless, the two have been going strong - turns out, communication really is the key. No matter how bad things get, being open with each other had helped them settle back into a life they were used to, except it was better somehow, richer with laughter and pure adoration.

In the end, it turns out we’re all addicts struggling with our very own drugs of choice and as much as Ethan was hers, she was his as well.

Just a step inside her bedroom, she found Ethan on the bed, lying on his stomach as he stared blankly in the distance. With one look at him, Y/N knew it was one of the bad days that have taken his mind hostage. Most days, Ethan was perfectly fine, but he still had moments when he’d drift off and he stopped hiding them from Y/N because she understood it wasn’t her fault he would suddenly become uninterested in conversations or the movie she wanted to watch.

Dragging her feet, she sat on the bed, attracting his attention. She didn’t touch him, nor did she try to push him into talking because he never wanted to talk much, usually using grunts and humming to reply to her.

“Is this a ‘I don’t want to talk or be touched’ mood or is it a ‘hold me till it gets better’ mood?” She asked quietly, considering his feeling and needs in these moments when he’s at a low. When he hummed on the second one, she smiled kindly before getting into bed. Mingling her left arm under the pillow to support his neck, she let her left hand wander the short hairs at the back of his neck. Her right arm rests on his ribs, her right hand rubbing his back soothingly. Her face is hidden in his chest, her head reaching just below his chin and he leans down to rest his lips atop her head. He didn’t care about her hair getting into his nose or about the fact she smelled like a mixture of baby powder and expired milk, he just wanted her close. 

She whispered to him: “It’s okay, love. I’m here. I’m always here”, and despite feeling heavy, Ethan felt a smile tugging at his lips. 

It took two years for him to get off antidepressants, but his monthly therapy sessions continued.

“How do you know? Huh? What if I lose myself again? What if I fuck up our lives again?” Ethan was scared, Y/N knew that. He’s be prolonging his medication therapy for months now, despite knowing he doesn’t need them anymore. She knew he used them as a crutch of sorts, but the negative effects weren’t worth it. 

“Because I won’t let you get lost again. I’m here and I’m a lot better at seeing the signs and we’ll keep our truth or not policy. You have me. You have the kids. Those pills you’re so worried to let go of? They’re holding you back, but I promise to keep you afloat if you let go. I’ll be your parachute if you start to fall.”

Ethan’s bottom lip quivered as he put a hand at the back of her neck, leaning down to press his lips against hers, drawing his strength from her love. She was right, he knew that. After all this time, he believed she’d be there to catch him if he needs it. He could trust her.

** About four years after the birth **

“Holy shit, Danny isn’t here.” Ethan slapped a hand over his mouth, counting all the kids again. Grayson’s Katie and October were both there, but so was his newborn Chloe who was soundly asleep in her carry-on. His Rose and Shawn were both by his side, holding his pinkies for attendance report.

“Okay, this is it.” Grayson and Ethan crouched down to their kid’s level, knowing it’s happening.

“We’ve all practiced this before. Operation ‘Mommy can never know’ can commence.”

Half out of their mind, Grayson and Ethan had been speeding through the store, each with a kid on the arm. The older ones ventured around, calling out for Daniel in hopes of finding their missing brother. No one in that family considered themselves as cousins. In their minds, they were all brothers and sisters, as bonded as any family can be.

“I’m telling you, he’ll be in the freezers!” Ethan insisted, knowing his devilish little boy’s knack for finding ice cream anywhere they go. After all, it was his fault Daniel had wandered off. To let go of his hand in a store was always suicide. If Y/N and Clara truly knew how many times he and Grayson displaced their children and how long the ‘Mommy can never know’ had been running, they’d be dead by now.

“Danny?!” Ethan’s shrill scream startled the adventurous foodie, turning to his father with a small chuckle and a bucket of ice cream in his hands.

“Grayson, gather the agents!” Ethan send Grayson to get the rest of the kids, turning to his spitting image of a son who had a personality of someone who would give his dad a heart attack before he turns forty.

“Mamma can neva know?” Danny asked in his tiny little voice that made Ethan both melt and want to pull his own hair out.

“Yeah, bud. Mommy can never know.”

However, the moment boys walked into the house, Rose and Katie walked right up to Y/N and revealed themselves to be double agents.

“Mommy, mommy! Daddy lost Danny! AGAIN!”

In a split moment it took Y/N to turn around and face her husband and brother in law, their lives flashed before their eyes.

“YOU DID WHAT?!”

Tags: @melodiesforari​ @brittttneyyyy​ @beautorigin​  @dolandolll​ @xalayx​ @godlydolans​ @heyits-claire​ @peacedolantwins​ @dolanstwintuesday​ @accalialionheart​ @ethanhes​ @lanadeldolans​ @ebbach-03​ @dolangels​  @xxaamzxx​ @cutestdolans​ @yaren-ates​ @dolansmith​ @vintagebitttch​ @primadolangirl​ @caqsicle​ @jjustjoy​ @justordinaryjen​ @graydolan12​ @imaginashawnns​ @graysonslovie​ @fandomsfeministsandothershit​ @bdsmdolan​ @graysavant​ @ethanspillow​ @dopedoodes​ @anything-dolan​  @sugarfootdolan​ @joyrivh​ @reblogserpent​ @luvdols​​ @emiemille  @herewegoagainandagainandagain​​ @adventureswithmell

[marvels-writings]

A/N: ok sorry if I didn’t understand the request properly but I tried my best with this. I may have written a lot for this request.

Warnings: Getting stabbed, you live though don’t worry

Carol angrily sighed as she headed back into your shared room. You’d just told her you were skipping training with her to go out with friends instead. Apparently it was just a night out without boyfriends and girlfriends so she couldn’t come.

You were really excited to meet your friends, you hadn’t spoken much to them after you became an Avenger. It got even harder once you’d gotten in to a relationship with Carol Danvers. It had almost been 4 months since you last saw your friends.

Carol wanted to be happy for you, she really did, but she couldn’t help but feel angry. Training was when you were supposed to learn how not to get hurt during a mission, if you skipped it you would get hurt. Which was something Carol couldn’t handle.

Carol sat on the couch, deciding to watch something since you wouldn’t be training with her. About an hour later, she heard you enter the shared room, probably to get ready for your night out.

You picked out a cute shirt and pants to go out. You looked at yourself in the mirror, you’d definitely gained more muscle since joining the avengers. You walked into the living room where you knew Carol was watching TV.

“So what do you think?” You asked her. She glanced at you from her TV show.

Honestly, she thought you looked amazing but instead she just gave a nonchalant “looks good” and a half hearted thumbs up and went back to her show.

You frowned slightly at her nonchalant response but grabbed your bag and headed out.

“I’ll be back soon!” You yelled, exiting.

Carol sighed, pissed but also slightly sad. She decided to train by herself, probably with a punching bag as she waited for you to come home.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

It had been about a week after the first time you went out with your friends. Carol thought it would be a once in a month occurrence, but you ended up missing 3 more training sessions to meet with your friends.

Needless to say, Carol was pissed off and it was starting to show.

You were currently in a debriefing with her for another mission to take down an arms dealer in Glasgow, UK. Carol was sitting next to you, stiff as she listened to Maria break down what you had to do.

It was a basic arms dealer mission, not much could go wrong. You felt pretty confident, a bit too much considering you’d missed a lot of training.

After debriefing finished, you walked with Carol back to your room to pack a bit. Carol couldn’t help but be worried for you. As pissed as she was, her anger melted as she realized you could get injured.

“Hey you okay?” You asked carol as you entered your room.

“Yea just a bit worried.” Carol confessed lightly as she pulled out 2 suitcases from the closet.

“Worried about what?” You asked in naïveté. You started to pick out some things, a casual outfit, a fancy one and civilian clothing.

“Worried about you,” she stated, placing some first aid into her suitcase. “You’ve missed too many training sessions.” She stated. You raised an eyebrow.

“Carol I’ll be fine, I’m an avenger after all.” You joked, she raised an eyebrow. “Relax,” you approached her, softly putting your hands around her neck as you pecked her on the lips.

Carol almost melted into your touch as she wrapped her arms around your waist. She smiled softly down at you, her worry melting away slightly.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” You joked as you leaned in for a deeper kiss. You felt her smile into the kiss. What’s the worst that could happen when she’s with you? You thought.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

A lot of things went wrong. A lot more things than anyone expected. Firstly the weather, it was snowing way more than expected, slowing down your flight. Second the weather glitched out Starks tech so they knew you were coming. And third, there were a lot more people. Finally, all of you had been split up.

You went by yourself to the west side to slip in and mess up the systems. Clint and nat went in the east side. Carol and Steve went south to take our support. Tony and Thor took to the skies while everyone else attacked north.

It seemed to be working out so far, nothing seemed to be going wrong. You didn’t have powers so you you fought with (weapon of your choice) and an assault rifle. With a hunting knife in your waistband.

You’d taken down at least 29 of the agents that came at you so far. You snuck into the the main area with computers, oblivious to the person following you. You smirked slightly as you entered the control room.

“Finished in the south, coming over to you y/n” Carols voice said over the speaker. The base was huge so it would probably take her at least 2 minutes to get over here.

You plugged in the USB and spent a minute getting the info until you were punched in the side of the head, hard. You let out a small cry in surprise. You took the flash drive with whatever information it already had.

You whipped your head around to see a thin man standing, the last of them trying to protect the base. You put your fists up, ready for a fight.

For a couple of seconds, you danced around each other until he made the first move. It seemed to be going well for your side, you got a couple of punches in but because of the lag of training, he seemed to have the upper hand.

You went for a killer blow but he dodged it, went behind you and stabbed your side.

“AGH,” you shouted, hands trembling around the knife. You fell to the ground, the knife was all the way in.

The man stood above you, a wide grin on his face as he picked up a gun that was lying nearby and pointed it at you. He got blown into the nearby wall by a flash of gold.

You looked to the side to se Carol, furious with her arm raised. She saw you and her face instantly faded to worry. She hurried over to you, muttering to herself almost feverishly.

“Nonononono, y/n we have to get you to the quinjet.” She said, and started to pick you up bridal style.

“Everyone y/n got stabbed, I’m taking her back to the jet.” Carol said into the comms.

“I, I can walk.” You gasped, you got up, leaning your entire weight on Carol still as she lead you out in awkward silence.

You noticed her hand on your shoulder shaking slightly in fear. You took that hand with yours and looked at her.

“I’m gonna be fine.” You said, as comforting as possible even though the stab wound in your side screamed.

“You can’t say that with a goddamn KNIFE STICKING OUT OF YOUR SIDE.” Carol shouted, the blood started to deep into your shirt, much to her horror.

She ran out of patience and picked you up bridal style, starting to fly you back to the jet. You wrapped your arms around her neck in sheer panic as the wind whipped around your hair. Carol kept glancing down at you as she flew.

She landed down at the quinjet shortly after, setting you down lightly as you leaned your entire weight on her still. Your consciousness started fading and she could tell.

“Y/N, stay with me ok?” She said, tilting your face to look at her, the worry was evident in her eyes.

You nodded weakly as you walked into the quinjet as everyone returned.

“Holy shit what happened to you?” Clint asked worried as Carol set you down on the bench on the side.

“Just didn’t notice.” You gasped as Carol touched the knife. “Someone sneaking up.”

“They stabbed you?” Carol asked, still supporting your weight with one arm so you could sit.

“I just didn’t notice they had a knife during the fight and they got it in.” You whispered, not having the ability to speak loudly anymore. You were struggling to keep your eyes open as everyone came in and the jet finally took off.

“ ‘What’s the worst that could happen' my ass. Carol returned, setting you down on your back as you fell unconscious.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You woke up groggy, with a small headache and wires attached to you. The pain in your side had diminished to a dull ache as you slowly sat up. Looking around, you realized you were in a hospital. Carol was sitting beside you in a chair, her head propped on one hand as she slept. You glanced at the clock above it was almost 3am, technically visiting hours were over for any hospital.

You didn’t want to wake Carol but you needed to know what happened. You unplugged yourself from all the wires attached to you and lifted your shirt to see the stab wound. It was neatly stitched up, you started to count the stitches out of curiosity.

“17 stitches.” Carol stated, her voice raspy, sleepily as she rubbed her almost bloodshot eyes. “How are you feeling?” She asked, hunching forwards as she leaned her elbows on her knees.’

“Better, what happened?” You asked, swinging your feet over the side of the bed to face her.

The pain was pretty bad but nothing you couldn’t deal with. You knew you were on morphine for the pain and it wouldn’t last long so you tried to make the best of it.

“You got most of the info, we all went out and we are currently in a hospital in London. Everyone checked into a hotel to sleep.” Carol said, looking at you intently to make sure you were alright.

“Well that’s good,” you said in relief, glancing away from carols stare slightly. “How are you though?” You asked, trying to change the topic a bit.

Carol’s breath caught in her throat slightly. What should she tell you? She could barely keep herself together as she saw you getting stitches up. She couldn’t tell you how she almost blew up the entire hospital when she saw you almost flatline. You’d never seen her cry or even breakdown the way she did beside your bedside when you slept. She couldn’t tell you how she almost broke at your absence.

“Fine.” She said, her voice cracking slightly. All her emotions were starting to catch up with her.

“What’s on your mind?” You asked, knowing she wasn’t ‘fine’.

“None of this would’ve happen if you’d just stuck to your training.” She stated, getting up and pacing as the anger and worry was getting to her again. “None of this would’ve happened if you’d just listened to me and trained instead of drinking with your friends!” She yelled angrily.

“Carol,” you began, trying to reason with her.

“NO! Do you have any idea what even HAPPENED? You almost DIED Y/N!! YOU ALMOST LEFT ME BECAUSE I WASN’T THERE TO PROTECT YOU.” She shouted, now tears were streaming down her face.

You got up and hugged her, despite the pain in your side starting to return, carols tears hurt even more. She was sobbing into your shoulder as her arms gently wrapped around your sides, cautious of your wound.

“I’m so sorry Car, I’m so so sorry,” you mumbled into your hair. “None of this is your fault.” You continued, seating the both of you down as you couldn’t stand.

You sat side by side, carols hand in yours as you looked at her. She was wiping her tears away with her free hand and was trying to avoid eye contact with you slightly. She never wanted you to see her break.

“It’s not your fault, what happened was my fault and I promise you,” you pulled her hand to your chest so she could feel your heartbeat. “I’m not leaving you.” You stated.

You had no plans to break that promise. You might regret saying this later but you mumbled “what’s the worst that could happen when I’m with you.”

She punched you lightly on the shoulder as you laughed. Even after getting stabbed, you knew life couldn’t be the worst if carol was with you.

A/N: Feedback and requests are greatly appreciated, feel free to message me or drop something in my ask box!

[malicedragoness]

MK Baby Reactions Part 2

Y’all...

I was all up in my feels with this one. I’ve never actually cried while writing anything, but holy shit. I really hope y’all can forgive me for the Raiden one. I feel like I’m about to have a Q&A session about that one. 

I’m gonna post this and go cry myself to sleep. 

Kotal Kahn - "I want to have a baby."

Kotal's face cracks into the biggest smile you've ever seen. He wraps you in his giant arms and kisses the top of your head. He's been waiting for this day to come. He's always wanted children, and as Khan he's expected to produce an heir. He just didn't want to put any pressure on you, or felt like you were obligated to give him children. He was going to wait until you were ready. No one was going to rush his Empress.

With Osh-Tekk culture, it is customary to paint eachother's bodies in colored paint blessed by the wisewomen before conceiving a child. It's supposedly a fertility ritual. You felt awkward at first, but Kotal assured you that you can wash your body after the paint settles on your skin for a while.

But feeling Kotal's strong hands and agile fingers caress your body was just magical. You're not sure if it's the paint or his touches, but your body was on fire. Kotal was feeling the same affect as you touched his arms and chest. Once you got to his powerful thighs, he couldn't handle it anymore and tipped you back onto the grass and pounded into you. That was one of the most erotic nights of your life.

Once you announce you're pregnant, Kotal assigns a group of midwives to attend to your every need. He will try not to leave the palace if he's able to send someone in his place. Although, that's not always possible. He will most likely take Erron with him while he leaves Ermac with you and the midwives.

As your belly gets bigger, Kotal loves to cherish your bump. He will never miss an opportunity to announce that the Pride of Osh-Tekk grows in your belly. He will keep asking if you're comfortable, are you hungry, do you need to rest. He just wants to make sure you're getting the best care possible.

As you and Kotal walk through the gardens, he constantly talks about how your child, wether boy or girl, will be trained as a warrior. He can't wait to teach them to fight and wield their first weapon. To teach them about Osh-Tekk culture and your culture. To see their first rite of passage.

He tells you he has always wanted to be father, and we would like to have more children in the future. If you ask how many children he wants, he will smile and cup your face and say "However many you wish to bless me with."

When you go into labor, Kotal reverts back to his general mindset. He's barking orders to the midwives and demands to get a physician in here immediately. There will be hell to pay if you don't follow a direct order from him to the 'T'! He's completely in control of his emotions and he never leaves your side. If he feels you're in too much pain, he'll get one of the wisewomen to help you through it. He hopes his confident demeanor will give you strength during the contractions and pushing.

Once the baby is born, you can't help but cry as you look at the tiny baby in Kotal's humongous hands. You've never seen him be so delicate with anything before. He holds you in his free arm and kisses your forehead while he's crying. He tells you over and over again how he loves you both and how he's so proud to have you at his side.

He pulls away and asks if you're ready to announce your child to the world. When you nod, he walks to the open balcony where a crowd of people wait down below.

A hush falls over the crowd as they see Kotal appear with your child.

"My people, I bring to you my child, the Pride of Osh-Tekk! Yaotl!" He holds up your baby as everyone cheers.

--- 'Yoatl' is a unisex Aztec name meaning 'warrior' and 'defender'. It sounded perfect for Kotal and it kind of sounds like his name a bit.

Scorpion - "Hanzo, I'm pregnant."

Hanzo looks up at you with a look of shock on his face. He points to your stomach "You're..." and then to himself "Me?"

You nod hesistantly, unsure of how he would react to hearing this news. There were times when he talk about what it would be like to be a father again. He slowly walked to you and caressed your face with both of his hands. You watched as every emotion ran across his eyes. Surprise, happiness, sadness, guilt. Until he looked down at the floor for a few quiet moments.

He seemed so lost in thought and it terrified you that he may reject you. 

"Hanzo?" Your voice cracked and tears fell from your eyes as you tried to break him from his thoughts.

His head snapped up and he was surprised to see tears streaming down your face. He pulled you into a tight embrace and buried his face into your neck.

"I didn't mean to make you cry, my love." His voice was strained, as if he was trying to hold in all his emotions. He let out a shaky breath before he continued. "I... I am overjoyed to have the chance to be a father again."

You wrap your arms tighter around him and kiss his cheek. "I'm so happy. I was scared you were mad."

Hanzo pulled back to rest his forehead on yours. "Never. I am honored to father your children."

From then on he always keeps an eye on you. Whenever you're attending to the Fire Garden, he's close by and makes sure you aren't getting overheated. When you help prepare meals for the Shirai Ryu, he will check to see if the others are pulling their weight and helping you out.

Once you're further along in your pregnancy, he will try to make you stop with your duties. If you get mad and upset, he will just stand there patiently while you finish your tantrum. He's been through this with his late wife. He's well experienced with handling mood swings. When you're done he wraps you in his arms and kisses your forehead. He speaks softly and tells you that he didn't think you were uncapable of doing your work. He just wants to make sure you aren't overworking yourself.

The nursery will be set up across the hall from your room. Hanzo doesn't understand why people are obsessed with gender specific colors. He's not focused so much on color or decorating the room. He would rather there be minimal decorations, and instead have the necessities you need.

When you go into labor his face is the picture of discipline, but his shaking hands are what give him away. The cries you let out really shake him to his core. He never wanted to see you go through any pain, but he's both scared and in awe at how strong you are delivering your baby.

After the baby is all cleaned up and you have a moment to the three of you, while everyone else is patiently waiting. While you're slumped against his side and the baby in his arms, he admits his insecurities to you.

How he's afraid of losing you and your child like his previous family. The guilt he has from deciding to move on. How killing Quan Chi didn't solve anything, and still left an empty hole inside of him. How hard it was to finally let go of the hate and vengeance he's carried all these years. He was so afraid of how it took over his whole life that he wouldn't know what to do without it.

All of these pent up emotions came tumbling out and he cried in your arms. He told you that even with all the horrible things he went through, you still stayed by his side when he was at his worst and helped him change.

He vowed right there to you and your newborn that he will try his best to keep changing. He doesn't want such an innocent life to see him as such a hateful man like he used to be.

Like Kuai, Hanzo will teach your child the same principles: honor, discipline, and respect. Training helps the body, schooling strengthens the mind, and meditating cleanses the soul. These are the things he will teach any children you will have together.

He's not the fun dad that most kids want, but he knows you will fill the role as the 'fun' parent. And he's more than ok with that. If you two decide to pull a prank on Hanzo, he won't get mad. He'll just continue to eat as if that whoopie cushion he sat on wasn't even there to begin with.

It turns into game at this point to see what you and your kid can do to make Hanzo crack a smile at one of your silly pranks. So far nothing seems to do it. You two have tried about a hundred different things and he has yet to even get mad.

What the both of you don't know, it's that he's just happy to be a part of something you do as a family.

Raiden - "Raiden, do you want children?"

Raiden is a bit shocked by the question and tells you that he honestly never thought about it. He never thought he would be romantically involved at all, much less have children. He understands the process and knows it's possible for the two of you to conceive a child.

What he's scared of is his children being power hungry demi gods. Kronika had Shinnok and Cetrion. One wanted to conquer Earthrealm, and the other followed their mother's plan of destroying all existence. Not exactly great examples of gods having children.

He tells you to give him time to think about this decision. It's not something he wants to take lightly. Of course you agree, and this gives you time to think about it as well.

Weeks go by and he still hasn't given you an answer. You notice he stares off at nothing in particular, and he does that when he's deep in thought. He spends more time to himself and meditates constantly.

After months go by, you finally confront him about it. He opens and closes his mouth multiple times, and he aviods looking into your eyes. You feel your stomach drop.

Suddenly, you have a feeling you're not about to like what he has to say. And he proves you right, when he tilts your chin up to look you in the eyes.

"I... My love," he hesitates as he cups your face. Wiping away the tears that you didn't realize were streaming down your face. "I'm sorry. I cannot give you what you ask for."

You couldn't help it. You fall to the ground and cry. You wanted to be a mother so badly with the man you love. And he just told you he won't do it.

Raiden holds you in his arms. He knew this would cause you great pain, and he tried so hard to avoid this from happening. Never once did he want you to feel like this.

He calmly explains that the child you would produce would never be safe. From enemies and from themself. The power they would have would go to their head. He's seen so many tragedies happen from power hungry individuals that had immeasurable power. Kronika, Shinnok, Cetrion, Rain, and others. Raiden himself even fell to temptation.

If he can be corrupted, then so can his offspring. If that were to happen and your child were to destroy Earthrealm, and he had to choose between his child and the realms, that would utterly break him.

The two of you sit there crying, not caring who would stumble upon you, as you mourn the loss of a child you will never have.

Days go by, and everyone notices that you and Raiden don't speak to eachother as much anymore. As soon as you both enter the room, awkwardness permeates the air, you each avoid eye contact and stumble over words.

Until one day, Raiden woke you up late at night. Liu Kang and Kung Lao were with him and you noticed a bundle in Liu Kang's arms. He said that someone had left a baby on the doorstep of the monk's monastery. They weren't sure what to do with an infant and decided to ask if you and Raiden wanted to adopt them.

That's when your whole world changed. An unexpected opportunity to be parents was literally handed to you. Your hands shake as Liu puts the baby in your arms. The little bundle of life currently asleep as you take in their features.

Raiden looked to you, nervous energy floated all around him. "We may not be able to bring life into this world, like we wanted," he speaks softly as he wraps an arm around your shoulders. "But instead, we could help the ones who have nothing."

You look into eachother's eyes as you both finally smile after what seems like forever. "I love you Raiden."

"I love you too."

[thisstableground]

babblin about this weird-ass week i just had under the cut

so obvs tuesday was therapy day and it’s the first time i’ve explained the thing in more than like, three abrupt sentences. i wasn’t quite ready for the first person present tense approach so we went through events just past tense, and she asked for more details as needed and it was terrible and exhausting and then it turns out even though i felt like i said everything i needed to she was like “and we’ll work on slowly expanding on the parts you skimmed over” like THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL SKIMMING??

i mean a lot of it totally was skimming but still. yikes.

(my therapist is great, by the way, and did not judge me at all when she was like “did you bring anything to ground you” and i was like “yes i have an assortment of seals”)

my homework for the two weeks between sessions (because okay, the one not great thing about my therapist is that she has got yet anther training day this tuesday and so im missing ANOTHER week at WHAT I WOULD CALL A CRUCIAL POINT) was to write up the events as a script with as much detail as possible and i was going to take a break/work on it slowly but i had some momentum going, so i did that on wednesday morningand then aggressively remembered a significant amount of details that i had forgotten and have been frankly a mess since

there are also some realisations which i am super not happy about and definitely not gonna write up on a public blog of the “i know this is normal and a lot of people experience this and that i don’t judge them for it but because it’s me i must feel Guilty and Ashamed and Wrong”. not sure what to do about that so i’m just kinda leaving it in the corner for now

the rest of the week has been alternating between the following:

holy shit have i been dissociating something fierce in a way that i haven’t for a very long time.  i’m talking “standing on the stairs for 20 minutes because i forgot that i existed halfway down”. and i had one of the worst dissociation/flashback combos that i’ve had in years while i was warming up a ciabatta roll in the oven the other day which was very surreal because 97% of me was like shaking and dying but the other 3% was like “sophia snap out of it you gotta think of the BREAD”

(i saved the bread just in time and had a pretty decent sandwich, you’ll be glad to hear)

i have vertigo! that’s new and hideous! literally feels like someone keeps grabbing my eyeballs and shaking them around. it feels exactly like being drunk and i do not enjoy it at all.

other fun physical symptoms include: permanent tension headache. Just So Sweaty At Totally Random Moments. numb hands! tinnitus! i’m trying to take the fact that these are new as kind of a good sign, like when you feel sick for ages then you throw up and the part where you’re actually throwing up is the worst but you feel so much better after. although i have in fact thrown up like four times and do not yet feel better, but metaphorically.

i keep finding myself in the mood where i’m like “i kind of want to talk this situation out with a friend” but then the second i go to write a message or think about calling someone i get so aggressively and instantly sleepy that it’s like nope, just gonna immediately nap. someone on reddit said this is probably a defense mechanism because the idea of talking about it is overwhelming and i’m pretty sure they’re right but what a goddamn stupid defense mechanism it is. i’m also torn because part of me is like, what do i expect to get out of telling anyone? how do i start that conversation? what if i start that conversation and someone is like “i don’t see the point of you telling me this”, which is how i feel like everyone will react. so i haven’t quite got over the Actually Talking About It hurdle yet but i guess the fact i want to is big progress from like a few months ago where i could barely even acknowledge to myself that the thing happened.

other progress/good things:

weirdly, i have not had one single nightmare since tuesday. this is the longest i’ve been without nightmares for a while. i can only assume that i’m doing all my feeling bad while conscious now which is probably better?

done a lot of Crying Intensely While Singing which to me i consider as a good sign – it means i’m not just avoiding anything that might give me an emotion and it’s very cathartic. been real into my tarot again too -  i’m trying to learn the meanings of the cards by heart. i have the Wild Unknown deck and it’s so pretty and calming to look at.

i have done so much exercise. more exercise than i have in the past year combined probably. like two to three hours of yoga a day. i went on what was going to be ten minute walk just to prove that going on a walk wouldn’t help and people would stop suggesting it, but annoyingly i almost immediately starting enjoying it and ended up being out three hours. i got extremely lost and somehow was in a field with no idea how i got there. that wasn’t dissociation, that’s just me having no sense of direction. my landlord was like “where did you go on your walk” and im like “i don’t know but there were definitely cows there”

made a real good turkey and black bean chilli the other day. not quite as 100% on the eating as i should be but i don’t think living off turkey chilli and potatoes and frosties and juiceboxes is too bad, considering.

[iliyovunjika]

Hey, starlings. So, you’ve probably been wondering where the fuck I vanished off to, right? Normally I never vanish this long and whenever I do poof you’ll see a spontaneous little note of me somewhere and its only ever for like, a week or two at most. Well, its story time I guess. 

This’ll probably get a little long, so I’ll say this if you don’t wanna read: Long story short, Leo had a fucking nightmare breakdown like when I was 16 and just lost absolutely all interest in everything (gee, thanks depression) but is a-okay now after 2-3 months of fuckery and crying over a spilled pitcher of sweet tea. (Southerners don’t cry over spilled milk, we cry over spilled sweet tea.) Gonna start a fresh new kickin’ bagel and archive all my other ones ‘cause I think its a good thing for me to do and holy shit everything is overwhelming slightly still. Not dropping any threads or anything, moving them all over if I can and definitely following you delights from there immediately rapid fire style. 

I apologize if I worried you guys. Truly and deeply, I wish I would’ve had the capacity to say something sooner but your local ghost fucking ghosted out hardcore and then couldn’t y’know, express it. ‘Cause I don’t wanna bring that onto the platform where I try to keep things positive and light because I love giving y’all that safe space and it makes me happy. I just didn’t have the energy nor willpower to grant any warning and it hit me so fast and hard. 

If you wanna get the deets: 

I had a... Pretty bad meltdown. Nothing caused it, there were no warnings. It just got bad again like when I was a teenager and shit hit the fan, y’know? All the not cool things. Then things started “Popping out” at me. All the small things that were going wrong felt like tidal waves of bricks being slammed into my face like “HI HOWDY BITCH, I’M HERE TO RUIN YOUR DAY” at a constant rate. The big things felt... Indescribably awful. The worst part though was the thing no one really talks about when it comes to depression or overwhelming anxiety: The inescapable moment you lose interest in absolutely everything. 

I had little energy, little motivation, little everything and most of all: I was incapable of finding a scrap of want to do anything I enjoyed. Writing, art, walking, swimming-- none of it. Before I knew it, I hadn’t opened my laptop in a month. I continued to decline phone calls and text messages unless they were important and even simple tasks became redundant and daunting. Its like having a void in you that continues to grow and grow, slowly taking away your very interest and enjoyment in things and then leaving you feeling guilty for not doing them. 

No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything. So instead, I did what I could. I maintained myself as best as I could to avoid the looming threat of intrusive thoughts and horrible things by busying myself with a task that would keep my hands from myself and my focus for more than 3 minutes. I played video games on my down time and slept. Even with that I began to lose interest a lot but luckily, my younger siblings kept my attention (Without them even being aware that anything was wrong at all or that they were helping immensely) by commenting on certain things in the game and such. I was having panic attacks 3-4 times a day and it was just a big help to kind of play games and just chill with my siblings. 

I had a breakdown 2 days ago because my cats decided to chase each other up onto the counter and knock off a freshly made pitcher of sweet tea, I was working on stirring the second pitcher when they did that, tried to catch it and failed. I ended up crying in the kitchen floor for a solid 10 minutes before cleaning it up. Made a joke: Crying over spilled milk is for northerners, southerners cry over sweet tea. (Lol, one of my best.) I took a day and just wondered when the inescapable void would come to a close and finally, it kind of did. I realized midway that I should probably start fresh, gain a new perspective so to speak, try to get my shit together and actually fucking enjoy my life; y’know? 

That crying session in the kitchen? Yeah that was a solid awesome thing because I guess I just.. Needed to stop hyper rationalizing and logic distancing myself from actually being a human being and feeling things pfft. Hyper rationalizing helps with depression because its like “Hey no, your brain’s just doing a stupid” on all the superb intrusive thoughts but its super bad for everything else because it reminds you constantly that you’re not doing things or that you’re shucking responsibilities, etc etc. Which, ultimately, makes things worse but it at least keeps ya from doing stupid shit to yourself most of the time. 

Anyways, I’m good now?? I’m still trying to formulate cohesive elements of thought and its still a bit shaky but I??? Really fucking want to write and do shit again. I have my want and interest back! I have my motivation and inspiration and creativity back! So therefore: 

I’m gonna snatch up all my brain babies and move them to a fresh new multi-muse bagel. ‘Cause admittedly, shit is still overwhelming to me right now and I kinda feel like starting fresh will definitely help me out here. I’m still gonna y’know, rapid fire follow all you darlings back of course!!!! But I really need to just. Jump ship and swim to a new shore so I can focus and breathe again. All drafts and replies will def be moved over! I’m not gonna drop anything if I can help it! But yeah, that’s the jist of it all. 

[allthingsfangirl101]

Assassin 2.O Part 14/32

Part 14– Attempt

Series Masterlist

Mitch's POV

It's been almost three weeks since G stumbled back to the Barn. Much to Hurley's disliking, G started training again the day after I took her lunch. He tried to talk her into taking it easy, but she just shrugged and walked away.

During my first training session with G after she got back, I instantly noticed how tired she was. She wasn't as persistent as usual. I caught her constantly taking a break, stepping back like she was dizzy.

Whenever I tried to ask if she was okay, she would roll her shoulders and say she was fine. Hurley watched the whole time, waiting. I wasn't sure if he was waiting for the session to be over or waiting for her to faint. Either way, he sat on the edge of his seat.

I walked into the gym and instantly saw G standing in the corner, using the punching bag. I looked around and noticed all the other men eyeing her and whispering to each other.

As I put my bag down I heard Victor talking to Henry. "Hurley's going to freak when he sees," Henry mumbled as I walked up to them.

"What's going on?" I asked. The two looked at me before gesturing towards G.

"Holy shit," I mumbled when I noticed G wasn't wearing gloves. "What is she doing?"

"Destroying her hands," Henry sighed.

"It's almost like she's. . ." I paused, feeling weird.

"Like she's what?" Victor pressed.

"Like she isn't wearing gloves on purpose," I sighed as I pointed to her gloves that were tossed onto the floor.

"What?" I asked when I noticed Victor and Henry share a knowing look.

Henry started to say something, but Victor cut him off. He shook his head before looking over at G with a sad expression on his face. "There is a lot about that girl that you don't understand, Rapp. It's best to leave her alone."

"G?" We all turned to see Hurley in the doorway, watching her box without gloves. He called her a few more times but instead of acknowledging him, she hit the bag harder.

"Damn it," Hurley mumbled before running over to her. "G, that's enough." He touched her shoulder, making her quickly turn around.

The look on her face looked like she was ready to kill whoever interrupted her. Her angry eyes softened when she saw Hurley's concerned ones. "G," he said softly as he gestured towards her bloody knuckles. "What are you doing?"

"I'm fine," she mumbled as she tried to walk away. He instantly reached forward and stopped her.

"I want you to go get them looked at," he sighed grabbing her hands and examining her knuckles.

"I said I was fine," she said roughly pulling her hands out of his grasp.

"G," he said looking at her intently. "Please. For me," he said under his breath. She looked around the room and sighed before slowly nodding her head.

"Rapp," Hurley called me over without turning away from G. I glanced at Henry and Victor before running over.

"Yes, sir?"

"Take G to the infirmary."

She was about to object but he raised his eyebrows causing her to nod. As she walked out of the gym, Hurley turned towards me and lowered his voice. "Make sure she actually goes and gets them bandaged."

"Yes, sir."

                       * * * * *

"I thought we already had this conversation, G." Anthony sighed as he wrapped her knuckles.

I stood in the corner of the room with my arms folded across my chest, not making any noise. I watched G look at the floor as Anthony continued to talk.

"I know you're G and you can kick my ass blindfolded, but you have to wear gloves."

"Anthony," G sighed closing her eyes. When she opened them again, Anthony was staring at her with a hesitant look. "Enough," she said before sliding off the medical table.

She started to leave but stopped when she noticed me still leaning against the wall. "You didn't have to stay," she grumbled as she walked passed me. I followed behind her as she made her way to the kitchen.

"Are you okay?" I asked as I leaned against the doorway.

"I'm fine," she glared as she started making a sandwich. I looked her up and down before sighing. "What?" She asked through gritted teeth.

"You don't have to hide from me."

"What the hell does that mean?" She asked, looking up at me.

"You don't have to pretend you're a. . ." I stopped talking before I could say something that crossed the line.

"I'm a what?" She smirked, crossing her arms over her chest and turning towards me. "Come on, Rapp. You know what the men call me. Say it."

"A robotic bitch," I said looking anywhere but at her. I looked towards her when she started walking closer to me.

"I have to be a robotic bitch around here. If I don't, I'll be eaten alive. We all have to be robotic and emotionless when we kill people for a living."

I gasped when she suddenly held a knife up to my throat. "Emotions and feelings get in our way. They make us weak and take away our focus. If I let what happened affect me," she paused.

I gasped when she threw the knife to her right without looking. I looked over to see it sticking in the wood of the cabinets.

"I die," she finished. Without another word, she turned on her heel and started to walk away.

"I'm just trying to help," I mumbled. My breath got caught in my throat when she suddenly turned around.

"Well, I don't need your help. I'm not some poor defenseless damsel in distress who needs a big strong man to rescue her."

"I'm not trying to. . ." I started to say.

"Why do you even care?" She asked, cutting me off.

"Because we were worried about you!" I yelled. "G, I know you think we don't give a shit about you, but we couldn't stop wondering what happened to you. We blamed ourselves for not helping you. I tried. . . And you are obviously having a hard time getting past whatever the hell happened."

"I'm not having a hard time," she mumbled as I kept talking.

"So, I'm sorry if I want to know if there is anything I can do to help you."

"Why? Why are you so insistent on knowing  what they did to me?" She yelled.

"Because I just want to help you! What's wrong with that?" I yelled.

"You can't!"

"Why not?!"

"Because they raped me!"

The second those words left her mouth, it felt like all the air was sucked out of the room. Out of all the scenarios we had theorized, that was the worst thing they could've done to her.

We were both breathing heavily, staring at each other as I struggled to think of something, anything, to say that might make her feel better. But, what the hell do you say to a girl who was beaten, tortured, and taken advantage of?

I took a step towards her and was about to say something when she shook her head and quickly left the room.

                       * * * * *

I walked into the kitchen to get a drink but stopped when I heard some shuffling. I looked around and noticed G standing outside on the balcony.

I took a step closer but froze when I heard her crying. I watched as she ran her hands through her hair. She stopped moving and walked to the edge. I held my breath as she gripped the banister, looking down.

"Don't do it," I mumbled. "Please, G."

My heartbeat sped up as she slowly climbed onto the ledge. "G?" I said, my voice getting caught in my throat. "G, what are you doing?" I said louder, trying to get her attention. "G, don't."

I got nervous when she didn't hear me and, instead, continued to get closer to the ledge. Before I could think, I ran forward and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her off the ledge.

"Let me go!" She screamed as she fought me.

Once her feet were on the ground she kept fighting me, her attempts softer as tears streamed down her cheeks. I stood there with my hands gently holding her arms as she weakly punched my chest. I gasped when she pressed her forehead to my chest and sobbed.

I quickly caught her as her legs gave out and led us both slowly to the ground. I wrapped my arms around her and put one of my hands on the back of her head, rocking us back and forth as she sobbed.

"It's okay," I whispered as I held her to my chest, running my fingers through her hair. "Everything is going to be okay. I promise."

[alleiradayne]

SPN MinnCon Day 3

You know what, I’m pulling the I-just-gave-birth-to-a-tiny-helpless-human card. That’s why I didn’t get back to this sooner. Also my mom and aunt were in town helping out a ton but it also kept me away from Tumblr most days.

So. MinnCon Day 3. This day was the day for me. I had been looking forward to the whole weekend for months. But truly, this day was something that I had been freaking out about for about two weeks for two reasons. 1.) Jared Photo Op. 2) Jared 30 Minute Meet and Greet.

I’ll preface this with the fact that I am a dyed-in-the-wool Jared/Sam stan. I cannot get enough of him and his smile and his sense of humor and his hair and his compassion and his empathy and his brain and his eyes. Okay, yeah, I love the 6′4″ mansuit he inhabits, too.

When you read this, you’re going to see a lot of Jared. A decent bit of Jensen, too (I took a lot of pictures of him). But I’ll be writing a lot more about Jared. Except for the meet and greets. Which... ugh, I wish I could tell you guys about his 30 minute meet and greet as well as his 10 minute for VIP. But I can’t. :(

Buckle up bitches, this shits long...

It was the first picture I took.

The day started out with the Gold Panel. If you haven’t seen it yet, my fellow VIP’er, Sue, gave Jared a thing of cupcakes when he called on her for a question and she didn’t have one ready. So she asked him if he wanted a cupcake. There’s rules about giving them food; I guess they’re not supposed to take it, but Jared was like, “Uh shit yeah I want a cupcake.”

He was only supposed to take one for each of them. But I don’t think he could hear her very well. So he took the whole thing. I was supposed to eat one of those fucking cupcakes.

And then:

CUPCAKEPOCALYPSE

It went on for several minutes. Jared dropped the cupcakes (THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO EAT) and made a giant mess. A creation staff person came out to help, a fan offered baby wipes, and Jensen had to help clean Jared’s face.

“Help a brother out, man.”

“You are beyond help.”

Brothers. I swear.

Questions were fun and it was during this panel that I could tell that the day would be distinctly different from previous con’s Sundays. We all know Jared is quite a bit more talkative than Jensen. But today, that would not be the case. Someone put a quarter in Jensen...

He’s so pretty.

Again, I’m not sure what someone said (I know I could go watch the video but, time) but Jensen busted out the imaginary popcorn.

And then there were more wonderful pictures of Jared.

See. Lots of Jared.

If you want to see ALL of the pictures I took (and edited) from the entire weekend:

GO HERE

The flicker album will be available until flickr decides to get rid of free accounts or whatever nonsense Yahoo wants to do with flickr.

After the gold panel I had Jared’s 30 minute meet and greet and his photo op. I was hoping that by waiting to post this, I’d have my .jpg from Chris, but I don’t.  The meet and greet was fantastic. There were 20 people in that session, and we drew numbers for seats. I got number 6 which ended up being right in the middle of the front row. I don’t know how I got so fucking lucky...

I got to ask my very weird question and got a very cogent and incredibly self-aware answer that kind of blew me away. And we even had time to sneak in my follow-up, which also resulted in another ridiculously self-aware response. And he remembered these questions because he later brought the topic up again at the 10 minute VIP.

Now the photo op. I’m pretty sure this interaction tops the entire weekend (just sneaking past his autograph and getting a smooch from Rob Benedict). Remember the fact that I’m 37 weeks pregnant. I had no clue what the hell to do for this photo op. I was wearing my self-made maternity “Love Yourself First” t-shirt, all black, with red/black buffalo plaid. I don’t know if it was entirely obvious that I was pregnant as I walked up to Jared for my op.

The VIP folks with his op got to go first. I opted, out of the four of us with his op, to go last. I walked up as Bang A Gong (Get It On) played, and whenever there is music playing, I cannot help but dance a bit. So my dumbass does my white-girl shimmy up to him and he laughed as he did his own short dance, but then proceeded to damn near do the splits to take the picture. I’m 5′4″. He’s 6′4″. I definitely didn’t want to take a picture with my face at his sternum. He knew that.

But other than that I didn’t know what to do. So I told him that. Here’s the conversation:

“Hey. I really don’t know what to do because she’s in the way,” I said as I pointed at my very-much-in-the-way-pregnant-stomach.

Jared’s eyes popped when he looked and then immediately started rubbing my stomach. Now normally, I would not have been okay with some rando touching my pregnant stomach without asking.

Jared Padalecki is not some rando. And he asked, “How far along are you?”

I laughed as I said, “I’m due in three weeks.”

If I thought his eyes popped before, they damn near fell out of his head at that. He replied, “Holy shit, how the fuck are you on your feet?! That is so badass, I can’t believe you’re here!” He held up his hand for a high-five, which I did, and he grabbed my hand to hold on to it. He then asked me my name. I told him and mentioned I’d been to the con last year with my sister and she was sad she couldn’t make it this year. And he then said, “Jeanna, awesome, I’m so sorry your sister couldn’t be here. But, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?” I told him I was great and that I’d been looking forward to this for months even though I’m huge and was really nervous about this photo op.

He then pulled me into him, wrapped his arms around me (like he does for most of his ops) and we took the picture. With his arms still around me, he looked me in the eye and said, “It was wonderful to meet you again. I am so glad you are here and that you’re doing so well. Is this your first?”

“Yup.”

“I am so happy for you, that’s awesome. I remember Gen had the pregnancy glow, you look absolutely stunning, you’re rockin’ it hard. Thank you again for being here. I’ll see you again later in VIP.”

I thanked him and hugged him once more and he kissed the top of my god damn head.

And then I left the photo op room. As I was walking out of the room, a fellow VIP’er was waiting for me and saw me walking out. I think I had the worst dead-eyes face on because she said, “What happened?! Did something go wrong with your op?!”

And I said, “No. It was amazing I’m fucking speechless and don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m forgetting something. I... don’t know what to do all of a sudden.”

“Breathe, honey. You’re forgetting to breathe.”

You’re god damn right I was forgetting to breathe. I mean, this just happened:

I couldn’t have asked for a better photo.

Moving on...

Next was Mark Pellegrino’s panel which was stellar. I love him.

Rob came out eventually and was giving Mark the Dad stare. I kinda wish Rob would look at me like that... eh, @atc74?

And then there was some funny God and His Children interactions.

Such a stellar cast.

And then there was the Jensen and Jared main panel.

Guys. Gals. There are so many fucking pictures I took. Here’s a random sampling:

It was an amazing panel. Like I said someone put a quarter in Jensen and he was just on point this year. Compared to other cons and videos I’ve watched, he really came out of his shell at this event and put on an amazing show with Jared. I absolutely recommend watching all the videos from this convention because they are so worth it.

After the main panel was Mark’s, Jensen’s, and Jared’s 10 minute VIP meet and greets. Holy shit were they great. Again, can’t really talk about them, but I got to sit next to Jared and he doesn’t understand personal space. I’ll leave it at that.

The night ended with autographs. I hit up Jared’s first, which in hindsight wish I’d done last but oh well. I hopped in line and when he saw me he said, “Remind me how long you’ve got?” as he reached out and touched my stomach again. I told him it was three weeks out and he smiled and shook his head as he said, “Damn, you are a fucking trooper. Congratulations again. Keep kickin’ ass.” He signed the photo, thanked me, and I thanked him. Right as I stepped away, he said, “You tweet that baby’s picture right away! I wanna see her face!”

I did tweet a picture, but I don’t think he saw it. That’s okay, I didn’t really think he would.

Jensen was next, who I had sign my J2 op from the previous year with my sister. While signing, his mala bead bracelet got stuck on the table cloth. My first thought was to say, “What did you do, Ray?” in my best Winston impression. And Jensen didn’t miss a beat. “I couldn’t help it. It just popped in there...”

Thanks for knowing your Ghostbusters references, Jensen.

Last but not least was Misha. Aside from his 10-min meet and greet, I’d never really interacted with him. There was a short wait for him as he finished up his Castiel photo ops. My VIP liaison and I were waiting together because she had an op for his auto too. And then he arrived, got settled and waved us over. I had him sign the first op my sister and I ever got from 2016 with Misha and Mark Sheppard. Mark had signed it last year.

And Misha remembered from VIP on Saturday that I was pregnant and asked me about it. When I told him it was a girl, he said, “Oh yeah, you’re gonna love it, it’s stupidly fun. Picked a name yet?” and I told him we decided on Elizabeth. His response was, “How cool, my sister’s name is Elizabeth. You have fun with that baby and don’t listen to anyone. Follow your gut. Science, too. But trust yourself. You got this.”

And then we were done. I went back to the VIP room, helped clean up a bit, gathered my stuff, and headed for my car. The second I walked out of the room, I started crying because... it was over. Everything was done, all the things I’d been looking forward to for months were... done. Just like that, in the blink of an eye, the weekend was behind me.

I’m still not over it. I’m waiting for the next opportunity to meet them all again. I called my sister in that moment of sudden sadness and told her that we absolutely had to do VIP together at Chicago, or hope they come back to Minneapolis soon. I can’t imagine doing a con without VIP again.

And the weekend wouldn’t have been what it was without all the people I met and new friends I made. You’re all wonderful and amazing and I can’t thank you enough for how welcoming you all were.

I hope you all enjoyed reading these. I think I’ll put a master post together to link to all three parts/days and add a link to the flickr album there as well. Thanks again for reading!

[prissypickle]

I did it

One year ago today I finished highschool. One year ago today I finished the toughest journeys of all times. Highschool was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. There was so many people who ruined it but there was so many people who made it better for me. My freshman year I attempted suicide and was admitted to a mental hospital and and no school wanted to take me in. At the time Fir Ridge Campus didn’t take in freshman. So I had no choice but to drop out. David Douglas straight up told me that I couldnt go there. I had too many problems and They couldn’t give me an education. In spring of my freshman year I enrolled in an online school called metro east web academy. Of course with all my mental health issues I had no motivation to do any of it. In the end I only got one credit for it. And that was for creative writing. I’m with ICTS which is where people come outd to your house three times a week for therapy. So I was with them for six months. It was hard saying goodbye. But then I went yo seeing a therapist once a week. I was still cutting often. But back to my schooling, I didn’t do anything and my mom was so pissed at the david doglas school district because the refused to put me in a school and finally she wrote a three page nasty letter saying how I needed to be in a school and thats how I got to fir ridge.

My freshman year I was so scared. I couldn’t tell you how scared I was. I didn’t go to school. I was fucked up in the head, cutting and I didn’t know anyone. So I didn’t really talk to anyone on my first day. But within a few days I met a small group of friends that I could relate to. Which was great. The next best thing was that there was a school counselor and a therapist that came to the school. So on top of going to seeing a therapist once a week I went to see him once a week. He was from Trillium services. He was a great therapist. I saw him from 45 minutes to an hour. My school counselor was mamed Michael and he was probably the best counselor anyone could ask for. He understood me. When I needed my space he let me sit in the office or library and do my work. When I had my mental break downs he gave me a quiet space. He was amazing. I have terrible anxiety with loud noises and whenever we had a firedrill I would cry and have a panic attack when there was he warned me and brought me to the office telling me when so I wasnt as afraid. As I said. He was the best school counselor anyone could ask for.

I had this friend. Her name was Iris. I cared for her so so much she was my first friend I made in middle school and she went to a diffent school but she had problems at the time and so she was looking into my school and I was thrilled. But before ahe came she also had issues and so she went to a rehab place. I called her family every day to see how she was doing. I sent flowers and cards because well, wouldn’t a best friend do that? When she got out she started at Fir Ridge Campus a bit later. I was so happy we reunited again. We started having sleep overs and everything. Okay? But one time during a sleepover she stole her parents credit card and bought something, which was a peircing kit and I had no idea so she came to my house when it was delivered and took it before I was home. I’ll also mention around two years ago she stole my ipod. But anyway so this happened and it happened once more but with tea but ahe sent it to her house instead of mine. So her mom was like “you arent ever allowed to see her again” blaming me for her daughter peircing herself. That was the hardest thing for me to hear because she was my best friend. Or so I thought she was. I believe this was all happening during my Junior year or late sophomore I cant remember it was so hectic. Ill come back to this bitch a little bit later.

But my Junior year I did this amazing thing called camp pheniox. That was the second the best and worst part of highschool. Its a two day overnight camp plus 4 weeks of after care. During the two nights you broke yourself down talking about the horrible things in life and at the end you are rebuilding yourself and raising up into a pheniox. During the process you did multiple activites which were happy, sad and heartbreaking realizing how fucked up and broken you were on the inside. One of the days you clumb a tree and tell everyone what you committ to. And I said I committ to my family and my support system. And then you had to walk on a tightrope with another person and jump when you couldnt do it anymore. And the other classmates are completely in control of the rope and your harness. Then the second activity we did was get in a harness and go up and your classmates pull you up until you say stop. Basically a gaiant swing okay. So I was letting go past teachers which I will get on explaining to more. And then letting in good teachers and then you yank it and I did a 90 foot free fall and holy shit was that fun. As i said it was the best and wors part of it because i landed up in teen intensive outpatient because I was cutting and I was extremely depressed.

But back to the teacher thing. There was a history teacher her name was Karen and she was a bitch to me. She hated me. And She KNEW i struggled with anxiety and she KNEW that I hated being with loud people and so I always needed to go to the office to see a counselor and I always finished up my work at home. And finally she was like you have to go to detention to finish this. And so Im in the office complete sobbing and my council waves it off. And other time with her was when my counselor talked to her about it she didnt talk to me for 3 DAYS like seriously she was so immature. Then When I came back from thr weekend she didnt call on anyone else but me. Then at the end of the week there was a new seating chart and I came in late because I was talking yo the trillium therapist okay and she shows me my seat and Im calm and I say no. And shes like yes. And I calmly explain to her why I cant go sit next to him because be gave me anxiety. And then she PROCEEDS to yell at me infront of the whole class who is now stairing at me and Im completely crying now infront of the class go to the principals office to fucking write me a refferl because i was arguing with her. Which the princapal immediately threw it out. The princapal at the time was absolutely amazing. She took me out on the track as I cried and walked with me.

So my junior year is happening and I went to camp pheniox and outdoor school it was great okay. So I went to outdoor school for my third session and I broke my ankle and had to stay home for a week and you remember this Iris girl who is my best friend??? Well not anymore. When I was away at outdoor school where I couldn’t DEFEND myself she went to the counselor and said. That I raped her and drugged her with majauana. And In like balling my eyes out because Im so fucking confused and why she did that. And so the counselor literally asked if I did it and Im like what the fuck do you really think I did it. And Im like crying at her because Im so upset. Like who in the right mind would accuse someone of rape. I mean I work with children. I was a swim instructor at the time. If she went to the police I could’ve been arrested and fired from my job which she didnt go because she knew she was a lying skank ass bitch. Also they couldve drug tested me because I wasnt even smoking at the time! And so Im in the office and my counselor is like “what are you feeling?” And I littlerly upfront say” I want to punch this bitch in the face,” she she looked at me “you cant do that” and Im like “no shit I cant do it. I want to but tgat doesnt mean I am going to.” And she sighs like after and hour of fuming she tells me Im not allowed to tell ANYONE and Im like fine whatever.

But I go to my momma jill and tell her and I like an crying to her and shes just holding me. But seriously then the vice principal calls me in during third period to talk more about what happened ALSO i had a freaking alliby because I was at fucking teen Intensive outpaitent during the time she accused me! Basically it was a whole clusterfuck

. It got 100% worse when there was an assembly and youll never guess who was running it the skank ass Iris. So she started talking about rape. And then she says “someone here raped me” and then she looked over at me. I kid you not. And my dad was there and he stood up and I cant remember exactly what he said but it was along the lines of “you shouldnt accuse anyone of rape either,” he said or something like that Im to busy crying and my teacher holding my hand. Finally my dad comes over to me and says were leaving. So my worst fear now the whole school knows that Iris accused me of rape and drugging her. So im literally in the gym having the WORST mental breakdown of my life and I mean screaming at the too of my lungs dropping to the knees hitting the floor. There was the security guy and Joey one of the teachers along with the princapal and vice principal trying to calm me down. And my dads crying because hes upset because of what Iris had said. And they told me to stay home for a few days until I could calm down.

So I came bac the following monday. I was so depressed I wanted to die. I almost had another suicide attempt but I thought about Taylor Swift and how I would never get t meet her and that just made me hold onto life just a little bit longer. So by the end of the year it was time for prom and so I was nominated for.... you guessed it prom court equivalent to prom princess/prince and can you guesd who was nominated too? That bitch Iris. So we were BOTH up against each other and trust me I was NOT going to let her win. So I baked my ass off and probably made over 200 cupcakes and fed them to the entire school and when I was time for prom. I won. I won prom princess. That was the best night of my entire life. My entire highschool carrer I felt normal. Everything was perfect

. Soon my Junior year ended. And summer came and went and my Senior yesr started. I only needed 1 credit to graduate .5 government .5 global studies. So I took government first which I got like knocked down a ton because i refused to do presentations because i hate speaking infront of a class but I still passed with a A. Then global studies I REFUSED to take with Karen again. So I did 5 at least 250 page packets in one quarter. And I still graduated early two quarters early. I started school my sophomore year because they didnt count it as a freshman and ended my senior year. I worked my ass off. And I graduated in 2 1/2 years. I graduated. I did it. I made it. Evern after a suicide attempt. Witnessing my mom attempt suicide my sophmore year, Iris accusing me of rape. All of that and I still graduated and I was second in class too. I’ve never been more proud of myself in my entire life. I didnt think id ever make it here. I thought in 2014 I was going to die. But I didnt. I’m still here. Alive and succeeding in life. Im a caregiver now. I’m getting my CNA in July. I made it. I did it.

[chimswae]

Chapter 16

Foreword:

Some stories are better left unsaid.I couldn’t change anything for the world, although the fame part of this industry is tough to handle.Do i have a life? Yes I have my fans.Do i have friends? Yes the members that I cherish. Do i have love? No I have to let go.Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow. But do i have any tomorrow?

Pairing: Jimin x OC (Other characters: BTS, OCs, Lee Taehwan)

Genre: Idolau, Fluff, Romance

Word Count: 2, 486

Author Note: I crosspost this story from my Asianfanfic account. Mind you, clicheness OVERLOADS

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16

Chapter 16:  There goes, freedom of choice

“Hush hush don’t make noise, they are in deep slumber” Jin hissed under his breath signaling others to stop shuffling their feet or making any kind of voice that might wake the lovebird up.

“I am not making any noise, you have been talking non stop” the younger boy scolded his hyung with a deep frown.

Unfazed Yoongi pushed the older boy off from the front door, pushing the key into the hole and within a second the door clicked open. Others let out a low snort disagreed with his action but of course Yoongi was ignorant to the core.

“Yah Min Suga.. Get back here” as soon as Yoongi opened the door and stepped inside everyone got cold feet not knowing how to react. They might be witnessing something unexpected or more like they expected that thing however being a nosy sonyeodan, they still wanted to see it with their naked eyes.

Hoseok clasped his hand together followed with a holy prayer “Dear lord, please don’t let us witness any naked human being inside. Even though we may still sin after watching hentai , we are not ready to see the real deal inside. Amen” he chanted it all over again while following others entering the room.

If Jimin found out they invaded his space without his consent every single soul in this room would be dead by dawn. Reaching for the light, Yoongi turned it on only to be welcomed by a sleeping Jimin and Yeoul under the thick duvet.

Judging from the clothes scattered on the floor, their assumption was right.

“So they had sex” Jin facepalmed dramatically.

"Dont be dramatic when you expected this" Namjoon scolded.

“This is wrong, Jimin hyung will be mad if he finds out we are here” Jungkook flushed at the sight and quickly exited the room. The golden maknae could not stop his racing heart since it was his first time to see a grown up man and woman under a duvet together when it was crystal clear why they’re under the duvet in the first place.

What a wild imagination you got there Jeon Jungkook.

Taehyung nodded in agreement “Chim would not like it. I am following Kookie…” with that he walked out leaving the hyungs inside.

“Okay I swear this is not my fault, I told you I can wait until they are fully awake to get my phone. This is your idea Jin hyung” Hoseok flailed his arms and whispered dangerously low. They did not want to wake the predator up, carnivore Jimin.

Jimin stirred in his sleep, pulling Yeoul close to his body as the four men froze in their spot while watching the younger guy closely. His head perked up after hearing such commotion in the room “What the hell…” he lowly groan.

“Shit..”Namjoon mumbled lowly, nudging Hoseok side urging him to take his phone quick so they could leave the room at this instant.

“Park Jimin wake up, we need to head out in few hours. Your written statement is much needed to fix the mess” unbothered Yoongi shook him up with his foot.

His eyes shot open as soon as he realized the voice he heard did not come from his dream, the members were in his room for real to witness his after sex urm face, just what were on their mind? Jimin pulled the duvet carefully covering Yeoul’s bare body, and he slowly turned his head to face the wolf pact.

“Finally you decide to open your eyes”

“I thought you are up for another round” Yoongi snickered sarcastically.

His brows burrowed deeply, as he dangled one leg out giving the latter a light kick on his calf earning a low grunt from him. “Bloody hell, why are you guys here? Get out!” he jeered.

“Ughh it is Jin hyung ideas, he wanted to use the reason of taking my phone just to check on you” Hoseok exclaimed.

“Hey hey don’t push the loads on me. It is not just me all of you are dying to know too” he called in annoyance.

“I don’t give a damn whose idea this is. So leave before you embarrassed Yeoul” Jimin glanced at sleeping Yeoul hoping that she would not be awake. Knowing Yeoul, their presence would cause her to lock herself in room for days.

“Guys lets leave before Yeoul wakes up, you don’t want to scare her” Namjoon reasoned. He gave Jin a hard stare tugging mommy Jin out the room before he argued. Guess, bickering was his real talent after all putting his misery in dancing behind.

Giving Jimin an apologetic look, Hoseok lips pursed into a slight pout before leaving the room with his phone.

“Okay Yoongi hyung are you planning to leave or not?” Yoongi lazily approached Jimin as he bent down to match his height.

With a playful smirk, he patted the top of his head “You could have tell me that you need a private moment with Yeoul. Great job Park Jims, guess you are still alive” he cooed.

Jimin gawked at the older boy disbelief as he watched his body disappeared from his vision, shutting the door close “Crazy hyungs” he exasperated a deep sigh. His attention was back on the sleeping girl in his arm, the smile returned on his face.

‘Gorgeous even in her sleep’ he mentally groaned with a big fat smile on his face.

A flash of memory of their intimate session gushed into his mind. It felt too good to be truth,and most importantly it was not just a mere dream. Yeoul and him were officially back together just like they used too.

--------------------

  Hello this is Park Jimin,

First, I apologize for stepping out late when I am well aware of the rumor that has been circulating around causes an uproar and has tremendously affect Bangtan’s image.

Most importantly to my baby armys, I feel regretful and apologized to everyone who has been upset by my huge mistake. I am sorry for disappointing you Armys. I have no words to excuse myself.

I, Park Jimin is admitting to all the rumors to be true. Park Minyeol is my biological son.

Five years ago, I dated a girl whom I loved dearly. As a result of our careless rendezvous, an innocent kid was born. What was done could not be undone but I regretted our immature decision five years ago for breaking up without knowing the existence of the baby. I deserved to be punished.

Through this incident, I once again offer my apologies to my parents, my company, my members, our lovely Armys who have been supporting and believing in me since day one, and not to forget to the one i scarred the most Na Yeoul and Park Minyeol. I have let everyone down and hurt everyone.

I know a mere word is not enough to fix a broken heart but to make up for all the damages done to everyone and to return everyone’s support, I will continue to work hard to become a good son, a better version of Bangtan Sonyeodan’s member, and a good father to Minyeol.

I will reflect on what I have done again and I promise to become a better person in the future.

Thank you for the overwhelming support from lovely Armys, please continue to love us. Please do not blame others because I am responsible for all the troubles experienced by the members. I am sorry again for betraying your trust and breaking the promise that we made together. I hope you will continue to support and love us.

To my members, thank you for staying beside me. I promise to be a better friend in the future, thank you and I love you.

Lastly, I hope you will support and respect my decision and to love Minyeol and Na Yeoul as much I cherish them.

Thank you and I am sorry. I wont be tired to say this all over again.

Sincerely, Park Jimin

 Yeoul’s tears cascaded down upon reading Jimin heartbreaking written apology posted on the internet. And once again, Jimin and BTS names were trending on every social medias platform. Frankly speaking, Jimin was in no position to apologize but the perks of being an idol he had to get it done no matter how absurd it sound.

His parents was well informed ever since the rumors broke and they showed warm support for Jimin and Yeoul even though it shocked them at first. His parents had already met Minyeol and took a liking of the little boy so did to Yeoul. Jimin was grateful that he had the support from his family and friends in this tough situation. That was all matter.

Feeling remorseful, Yeoul wiped her tears away as she sat on the bed quietly reflecting on everything that happened this past few weeks. She never dreamed of being reunited with Jimin again after their heartbreaking farewell. But, fate brought them together. Park Minyeol was the key to their relationship. Without him, they would not be having this dramatic reunion.

“That fool, he was not the one who suppose to apologize” Yeoul murmured, sniffing a little. She must be crying a little too much that she planned so she had to stop crying before the guys came back and bombarded her with questions.

Just how Jimin told her, she refrained herself from reading the comments on the internet. She was positive that most it would be positive but some negative comments could not be halted. There were people out there despised the idea of Jimin dating a plain girl like her let alone having a child together.

This was one of the rare cases in the industry. Most of idol scandal would be related to dating or lawsuit so considered Jimin’s scandal as one of the worst one.

Everything happened for a reason.

She rose to her feet and made her way to the kitchen. Yeoul decided to stop moping around and cooked something for the hungry boys once they got back. Rummaging through cabinets, Yeoul was looking for cooking supplies but to her distaste it was filled with ramen.

“Ugh don’t they cook” she grumbled in annoyance.

Pacing back and forth in the room, Yeoul finally came to a decision. She must go out for grocery shopping. It wouldn’t hurt right even for an hour?

In this circumstances, would it be possible that people recognized her.

She shook her head frantically in denial “Im not an idol, no one knows me please don’t get ahead of yourself Yeoul” she puffed her cheeks.

Yeoul inhaled deeply as her fingers typed a quick message to Jimin before leaving Bangtan dorm. She dressed comfortably and made sure to be careful with her surrounding. For some reason Yeoul feared that people would recognize her so along the way to the nearest store it felt super draggy.

The sight of the white building few meters from where she stood got her excited for no reason. She entered the building with a wide smile and took the shopping cart. There was a group of girls around her age were staring at her way, Yeoul ducked her head quickly and made a sharp turn to the left.

Grabbing all the items in her list while trying to keep herself out of people’s radar was not an easy job. From time to time there would be people scrutinizing at her as if trying to figure out who she was and it mortified her to the core.

Yeoul pushed her shopping cart passed the CD section and coincidently there was a group of high school girl lurking around the area. She overheard their conversation that caused her to slow down.

“Have you read Jimin oppa’s confession?”

“Yes Yes about the kid! He really admitted to it! I cant believe that”

“Do you think that is real? I mean that is very suspicious what if oppa did that because of the company”

“Ugh that would be horrible. I cant believe Jimin oppa slept with a girl and had a baby”

“Did you see the girl?”

“She is plain”

”Super plain for Jimin oppa” they laughed loudly and coarsely.

She grazed her teeth together holding back the anger in her ‘Rude kids’ now she regretted for using that path as her way to the counter. After she paid all the stuffs she bought, she exited the market making her way back home with hope she would not encounter any miserable human being who made comments on Jimin’s life and hers.

Come to think about it, Yeoul sucked in remembering unfamiliar road, now she was losing it. She had no idea where she was. Yeoul scanned the area around her, just an hour ago she was sure that was the exact path she used from the dorm to the grocery store.

Biting her lower lips, she tried to concentrate and remember every single details on the area just in case she forgot. Yeoul stood there for 10 minutes with no answers, then frustration took over her mind. She mentally cursed herself for walking alone without waiting for the boys to get home, now she deserved to be punished.

She clutched onto her phone contemplating whether to give Jimin a call but Bangtan was still practicing for their upcoming concert. With heavy heart, she decided to wander aimlessly hoping to find a sign of hope in the middle of the road or anywhere.

Yeoul used GPS in her smart phone and diligently followed the path shown by it as it would direct her back to the grocery store. That was the only way to find her way back home, she had to start from scratch then problem settled.

Footsteps behind her snapped Yeoul out of her trance, she glanced over her shoulder to witness three young ladies tailing her. Waves of panic pounded through her temples, and she could feel a sick feeling churning in her belly.

As she quickened her pace,the footsteps behind her sped up to match her pace. Her heart began to beat faster. Were those girls following her? More to the point, who was following her and why?

‘This wont do..’ she made a sharp turn to the right, and she blamed herself for choosing this quiet alley. Out of all days, why did she make such a bad choice today? Yeoul slowed deliberately and spun around which startled the girls at first.

“Why are you following me?” she inquired. Even though she scared of what awaits in front of her, she had to get over this for the sake of her sanity.

“We are right. You are Na Yeoul” a girl with bang smug. Her smile was disturbing and for so many reasons, Yeoul felt something was not right. The auras from these three were too dark, full with hatred and vengeance.

Oh oh here comes trouble.

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This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2019. All Rights Reserved

[iammarylastar]

10. Morning love, 0347.

“Morning Cup.” She whispers in my ear. I’ve been awake for a good 20 minutes but I just wanted to enjoy having her in my arms. Heaven surely feels like this. I can’t help but smile and kiss her forehead. “Morning Angel.”

I feel her lips draw a smile against my chest while her hands are playing with my hair.

I stir up and catch her by the waist to roll her upon me.

“Sweet dreams?” I ask, letting my fingers wander up and down her spine.

“No. Not dreams.” She pauses. I lift an eyebrow up, questioning why. “Sweet memories.” She says before licking then biting my lower lip.

I groan in pleasure, my hands gripping her bottom cheeks, and pulling her closer to my morning shaft. She giggles and grinds against me. I’m totally stunned as to how this shy sweetheart turned into a tigress in only one night. My fucking pleasure.

“What time is it, I need to go home while it’s still dark.” She buries her face in the crook of my neck and shivers. “Though I could stay here with you forever.”

“I wish we could, love.” We both know she has to go back to her sister’s house before sunrise, or we’ll really face big trouble. Deep shit.

Fumbling around on the nightstand for my watch, my fingers find the corner of a box that wasn’t there yesterday.

Sitting up, holding my girl close to me, I catch a piece of paper pinned on it. And read.

Lovebirds, I broke into the bakery to bring you some donoughts for your breakfast, thinking you’d be too exhausted to go. You were so cute together it broke my heart to wake you up. Lies. Angie you and your bare breasts were absolutely gorgeous even in the dark. Cup your big hairy ass is ugly and you farted. You owe me one bro.

Mac.

We both laugh, though her shyness was back, she hides her blushing cheeks behind her hands.

“He saw me naked!” She whines.

“There’s no shame with you being naked baby. I saw you too and you’re just beautiful. ”

She glares playfully at me between spread fingers.

“It was beautiful to love you.” I whisper lowly, kissing her lightly.

“It was beautiful to be loved by you. I felt like a gem within your arms.”

“You were beautiful on top of me.” My mouth waters at the reminding of her perfect body waving over mine.

She smirks mischievously and kisses me slowly before nibbling along my jaw till her tongue plays with my earlobe.

“I want to feel you again…” she whispers in my ear.

“Don’t tease me my love. I want to fill you again…” She mewls beautifully as she grinds against my hardness.

“OK, since we both agree…” I laugh, flipping us so I’m on top of her, while she shrieks in surprise and excitement.

I spend the next hour or so making love to this gorgeous woman of my dreams, and made her a cry my name three times before I allowed myself to surrender to the incredible pleasure she gave me.

We ran back to her home, hand in hand, our fingers intertwined so tightly you could think they were sealed. We managed to be as discreet as possible, skulking around the buildings, hiding in the shadows in the early morning sunshine.

On our way back to her place, there’s no tree or wall I haven’t pinned her on, covering her body with mine, tasting her sweet lips endlessly. I don’t want her to leave and by the way she kissed me back and clawed onto my shoulders, I can tell she won’t either.

We finally arrive at Gessepp’s threshold and I can’t bring myself to let her go. I can’t stand to know she’s going back to that hell hole, I can’t stand to not have her in my arms. Safe and cherished.

Not after what has happened last night. Not after what he did to her publicly at the café.

Damn, my guts and throat are so tight it hurts.

I pull on her hand, making her twirl back to me and drag her behind the nearest tree. Both my palms cup her flushed cheeks while my mouth attacks her whole face. I can’t stop kissing her and I don’t want to.

“When will I see you again?” I ask between kisses. “Tonight?” Another kiss. “Later today?” More kisses.

I’m eating her up, keeping her from telling me what I don’t want to hear. She has to push me back lightly, making fun of my foolishness.

“Cup… Mmm. ..” My tongue dances with hers, my arms wrap around her waist, my body crashes her against the trunk. She’s trapped, she’s mine.

“Tonight. I promise.” She pants.

“It’s too long. Take Abi for a walk like you always do and meet me at the café. Or behind the barracks so I can kiss you again.” I beg her.

My lips trail wet kisses down her neck and she sighs loudly, tilting her head back and offering me full access to her chest.

“Cup… ” she mewls. “We have to be extremely careful… After what happened at the café, I can’t be seen around there. And Gessepp is always paranoid when hungover.”

I’m barely listening to her, I have such a flame in me it’s hard to focus.

“Cup. Please!” Her sharp tone startles me, now she’s got my attention. “Promise me, promise we won’t be fools to get caught again. I need you to have our backs, because I won’t be able to keep my mind clear if you keep loving me that way.”

She lowers her voice and whispers in my ear “The things you did to me… I can’t get them out of my head…”

Oh. My. Fucking. God! My crotch tightens in my pants and I growl, fighting the urge to make love to her right now, our clothes still on.

“And there are so much things I still want to do to you…” I nip down her neck, sneaking my hands behind her and squeezing her perfect ass. “I can barely contain them in my pants ” I grind against her, grinning wild.

As I lean in to take her lips again, I’m stopped short by a playful slap on my jaw.

“You suck! You failed, Cup! You’re supposed to keep cool head and you just… fell for it!”

She scolding me just ignites a new level of fire in my stomach.

“Yeah I fell for you. Stop teasing me and kiss me again.” Instead of feeling her lips under mine, I’m pushed back, her flat hands firm on my chest.

“Cup… Please… Don’t force me to remind you what he did to me…Just… Just promise I’ll be safe.”

I’m astonished as how my desire turns me into the worst dickhead I’ve ever met. How could I be so selfish? I force my blood to come up and perfuse my brain again. Think Cup dammit!

“Sorry Angie, you’re right. I swear I’ll keep you safe. I won’t allow this shit to happen again. I’ll never hurt you and make sure no fucking body never hurt you either.” I search for her gaze, lowering my face, I need her to trust me.

“I promise to do anything for you Angie, even if it kills me.”

A shy smile graces her lips, she chews in the most adorable way.

“I don’t need you to die for me. I need you alive to make me feel fully alive again.”

Fuck! My little bitch teases me to death, I have to bite my lips to hold back a growl. My whole blood flows down my crotch again but I force my face into a decent concerned look.

She pecks my mouth then traces my lower lip, freeing it from between my teeth.

“Tonight.” She whispers seductively before turning back and running to the house.

Holy hell. My girl got me. The whole of me. 0512. 19 long hours to go.

The following weeks were like Heaven. That damn war was turning tactical and the Chiefs of Staff spent their time in endless meetings, keeping Gessepp away and busy as fuck, for our great pleasure.

We met secretly almost everyday, mostly at night. I lost sleep, impatiently waiting for the sun to set down, for the moon to show up. For my love to be back into my arms. Past midnight until sunrise, she was mine and mine alone, Gessepp dead to the world thanks to alcohol and pills. Sometimes meeting in the woods near the barracks or in the abandoned cabin beyond the football field, that I managed to steal the keys and made  cozy for us.

And we had sex. My fucking God we had the most amazing sex I could ever dream of. She was totally mine, body and soul, and I was hers. There’s no part of her that hasn’t been kissed, stroked nor cherished by me. She gladly, hungrily, perfectly learned everything I taught her.

“Oh Cup!” She moans in my ear. We’re in the middle of a very hot make out session in the locked up cabin. I’m eating the soft flesh of her small breasts which became my ultimate weakness, while she’s rubbing my hardness through my pants.

Foreplay became our thing, we’ve been teasing each other until things became painfully unbearable, before I filled her hungrily and sent us over the edge.

“Angie… I want you so bad. Tell me what you want.” I say before I’m back on her hard nipple.

I love when she guides me, she’s always so creative.

“Do you remember last week?” She whispers in a sigh.

I grunt deep in my chest. Last week’s highlight flashes before my eyes. I took her right there against the wall, her arms and legs wrapped around me, as I thrusted in her relentlessly. I had to devour her cries, preventing her to warn the whole base of where we were and what we were doing, while I was finishing coming myself, filling her core with my hot seeds.

Oh yes please, I’m totally in for another round like this.

“No” she cuts my thoughts off. “The night before.”

Oh God I’ll never ever forget that night. That night my tongue made love to her beautiful pussy. —- She was laying on her back, writhing under me, our bodies so ready to melt into each other.

When I couldn’t take it anymore, I trailed wet kisses down her belly and thighs until I’m met with the patch of hair that covers her clit.

“What are you doing?” She asked, as my head stopped between her legs.

I shushed her, she’d find it out very soon. I lightly kissed then sucked on her bud, eliciting a deep sigh from her. Lapping all the way up her folds, I felt her thighs open wider for me as her hands slam on my head, pulling me closer. I licked her gently at first, teasing her a bit, but quickly lost control as her moans got louder and her thighs tightened around my face. I couldn’t stop tasting her flesh, her juices, her cries. She started to grind against my tongue, keeping me from breathing. But trust me, I was not complaining. I felt she was so close and couldn’t help but shove two fingers inside of her. Curling them up to tickle her sweet spot, I continue to eat her up, my tongue twirling around her swollen clit. My cock was screaming to replace my fingers and I had to fight hard not to bury my hardness deep inside her and spurt my seed out, but my sole purpose was her pleasure.

Grunting low, my tongue and jaw hurting so badly, I let her juices wash my face as she arched her back and squeezed her thighs harder, trembling form head to toe. Oh fuck, she screaming my name was enough to make me come harder than I thought possible.

She finally released my face and I gasped for air, placing some more kisses on her thighs. From where I stood, I had the best view of her, panting like crazy, her chest quickly rising up and down. Hovering over her again, I took her small boobs, still hard as fuck in my mouth, feeling her heart hammering in her chest. I took her mouth in a searing kiss. I let her taste her own juices, to which she eagerly complied.

I pulled back, smirking at the sight of her face, obviously satisfied to say the least.

“You’re welcome, love.” I rubbed the top of my nose against hers.

She brushed my face with the palms of her hands and asked:

“Can you do it again?” Before my astounded face, she repeated, in an assertive tone.

‘Do it again.“

I laughed lightly, this woman would be the death of me.

Flipping us over, so I laid on my back, a devilish grin taped on my face, I uttered with a low, sexy voice.

"Sit on my face.”

As she complied and started to rock her hips slowly, her bottom cheeks filling the palms of my hands, I came to the conclusion I was the luckiest, blessed man on Earth. —-

“Fuck yeah…” I say, nipping down her jaw and neck. “How could I forget it? It seems to be one of your favourite. ”

“No.” She stops me from going further down. Laughing at my puzzled face, she starts to work on my belt and button. My shirt was already lying on the floor thanks to her eagerness, her fingers and lips teasing every piece of skin they could. Kneeling down before me, she looks up at me and hungrily licks her lips.

“I just want to repay the favour…” Holy fuck! That’s her thing, repaying the favor and I love her treats.

Her hooded eyes are enough to make me harder if it’s even possible as she slides my underwear down my knees. Her hands are not clumsy anymore, they have practiced a lot lately. Her delicate fingers wrap around my shaft softly but firmly and she starts to stroke me, in a perfect way and rhythm.

I have to fight hard not to close my eyes under her delicious ministration, no way I’m missing her sticking her tongue out and working me all the way up. My cock twitches in delight and I can’t hold a grunt back. As she takes the head in her mouth and start to slowly pump me up and down , I have to bite my fist not to scream in pleasure.

She releases me and resumes to lick my length, her eyes hungry. Her lips, tongue and nibble fingers are everywhere and they feel so good. I can’t take it anymore and tilt my head back, my eyes rolling back in my head. The sound that leaves my lungs echoes in the room, making her shiver and moan loudly.

Knowing she enjoys what she’s doing too me turns me on even more, there’s only one little fun missing. Don’t forget my balls, baby, please don’t forget my b…

“Ahhhhh!”

Fuck, she has read my mind, she’s my fantastic perfect soul mate. Then, she must know I’m close to explode and I can’t decide if I should pull out or just enjoy every single second of her treats. I know some girls hate it and I don’t want her to have a bad first taste.

“Babe…I’m gon…”

Once again she foresaw me and before I had time to warn her, has already increased her grip and her pace. My eyes roll in the back of my head as an insane wave of pleasure explodes inside me.

The way she licks her lips and swallows my seed, her eyes burning with lust have my guts twisting again, shoots another wave of ecstasy through my veins.

“Oh my fucking God, Angie…” I’m panting heavily, half deaf by the din of my heart hammering in my chest. “How did you learn such things?”

She stands up and pecks my lips, a large grin taped on her face.

“I learnt from the best, honey…”

I could have laughed if I wasn’t wrecked inside, like a total mess. She has drained me, sucked the hell out of me. It would be so easy to drop on my knees right now and ask her to marry me, to never ever leave me, even for only one second. My need for her has never been stronger, I could rip off her clothes if only she was still wearing some and just… you know just cuddle her and melt into her forever. I feel weak, on my knees and in my heart, I’m sure if I open my mouth I’ll say something dumb, in the heat of the moment.

But I can’t. I promised her to be strong, to be wise. I’m being emotional again, a big romantic pussy, that’s all.

I swallow down my words and the tears that threaten to spring out of my lids and just pull her in. As I rock her slightly, tightening her on my chest to keep it from exploding, I swear to myself to stop dreaming and just enjoy what I have.

Yeah, big guy, just enjoy that fucking bliss you’re riding and stop thinking she will be gone in a couple of minutes.

20 more hours to go.

@captstefanbrandt @kenzieam @jaicourtneyseyes @every-jai @sajess98 @tigpooh67 @badassbaker @writingismyhappytime @onceinamillionlifetimes @oddsnendsfanfics

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@kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995

[cameronomicon]

I Dream of Jeanie

This blog begins like everything else: with the supernatural. A ghost story. Well, it’s a story about two ghosts: one is corporeal, flesh and bone, hungry. He haunts his own life and the lives of the people who love him. That ghost is me, Cam, a career alcoholic, prescription amphetamine and nicotine addict, and struggling adult human. The other ghost is haunting him. And others. In Orange County, California, of all the world’s god-forsaken places. 

It’s September 2, 2018. I have just emerged from medical detox in a treatment facility in Mission Viejo, California, where I was admitted the evening of August 30. 

The days and weeks preceding this were a blur of teary eyed calls with friends and coworkers, vomiting, tremors, all-day drinking, zero rest, little food, and, finally, an evening drive south to rehab with a very patient friend. I had my dog in tow. The vomit he had saved for over an hour an a half was his parting gift for my friend and her car’s interior as we pulled into the driveway of our suburban destination. 

She is a very, very patient friend. 

The first thing I remember at the facility was the cops showing up to deal with a violent intake who screamed at the graveyard shift tech relentlessly about getting their medication. For the next two and a half days, I staggered around the in an Ativan-induced fog. I managed to execute a supervised grocery run, though I have no recollection of this event. 

After detox, I was driven to one of the houses where I would undergo residential treatment for the disease that has ruled my life in one manifestation or another since that first, boiling-hot, high-school-sized swig of whisky in the Wyman family back house all those years ago. It was, frankly, magic. Alcohol activated something in me that finally allowed me to feel comfortable in my own skin, around others, and as a part of the world. 

A few days passed, and I began to emerge from behind the benzodiazepine cataract. I woke up early one day, as I did every day, and stumbled about in my coffee-making and dog-letting-out routine. I stood outside with a steaming mug amidst the low fog of the costal marine layer, which enveloped palm trees in a smudgy gray that, especially in the golden sunlight of the hours which follow, always seemed eerie and alien. That’s when the graveyard tech walked out to join me. 

“Morning, how you feeling?” he asked. 

“I’m ok.” My dog set off across the yard at a full clip to pursue a rustle in a bush. “Slept like shit, though.”

“Oh really? Must have been that woman screaming.” He laughed.

“The what?” I was incredulous. It was too early. I turned away and watched the fog lick at the clay rooftop tiles of the ascending rows of identical homes on the ridge that kept us from the sea.

“You didn’t hear it? I hear the screams every night.”

*

Over the next few days, residents and staff alike compared notes. All who heard the screaming said it happened late at night, around 3am, and they could not pinpoint the source. Some said it came from across the street, others swore it they heard the scream coming from down the hill. Some of the staff had contemplated calling the police. 

I never heard the screaming because I went to bed too early to be a witness. But there were the nightmares. Horrifying, vivid nightmares the likes of which I’d never experienced before. Graphic visions of being sexually assaulted, of torture, of humiliation and suffering. Horrible, paralyzing dreams that would interrupt my sleep several times every night and continued to haunt me well into my waking hours. The following is from my journal, slightly edited:

“I had a dream last night that I was violently raped by (someone) ... who I was sent to ... as punishment for making a rug dirty. (They) screamed at me and laughed while (they) did it and when I cried (they) made it worse ... Then I was surrounded by empty beer bottles in my childhood bedroom and voices kept saying 'I thought you quit.’”

At the time of this writing, I feel that the whole, unedited content of this and the other dreams I experienced is too graphic for me to feel comfortable sharing. 

This happened to me every single night for over a week.

*

When we told our reiki practitioner about the screaming, she was unfazed. 

“That sounds like Jeanie,” she said matter-of-factly before she began our sessions. “Jeanie died here. Fell out of her bed one night.”

Reiki is a dubious energy healing technique that was offered as a part of the suite of care in our treatment center. Having experienced it myself, I can say that reiki seems to be at best a meditative aid and at worst some psychic hoodwinkery. What we learned is that our reiki master had also serviced the patients in palliative care at our house when it was still a hospice, which was not very long ago at all. She had treated and came to know Jeanie, whose spirit she immediately and authoritatively claimed was the source of the screaming. 

That we seemed to have inherited both reiki and a restless, screaming ghost was a lot to digest on a warm, dry Thursday afternoon in rehab.

What most people don’t know about Orange County, if in fact they know anything at all, is that it is the treatment capital of the world. There is a massive drug and alcohol rehabilitation industry here, with facilities dotting suburban neighborhoods and costal communities alike. Many, such as ours, are indistinguishable from other homes from the outside. Only when you go inside can you spot the differences: no locks on the doors, cameras everywhere, California-required hazard signs and fire extinguishers, motivational-adjacent but woefully empty wall platitudes. 

“Don’t dream your life...live your dreams!” taunted me in perfect cursive from its place on a kitchen wall. In that moment, if I lived my dreams, I’d be in the worst hell I could imagine. Most mornings I simply ignored it as I avocadoed my toast. It was ultimately harmless and forgettable, though I admit I got a mildly satisfying kick out of sneering at it. 

Having administered both reiki and information about our ghost, the master left. We living residents of the house all sat together outside on the back patio to discuss what she had told us. The others smoked or vaped as they speculated about what it could all mean. I crammed a few handfuls of candy in my face, and then I told them about my dreams. 

“Holy god in heaven,” one of my friends cried out. “Now that’s some sick shit.”

Eyes downcast, faces ashen, I could tell my information had affected the others and added a gravity to the situation that hadn’t been there before. We did not speak of it again. 

That night, I dreamed about someone I loved once who couldn’t love me. I saw her across a crowded dance in a school gym. She was made up beautifully, wearing a blue dress, her hair cut short, colored blonde and bouncy. She smiled and reached out to me. I tried to grab her hand, but she fell back into darkness, crying out for me, falling farther and father out of reach, her eyes filled with fear. 

That was the last dream I had at the house. We found out suddenly the next day that we would be moving to a different location, and that the facility we were leaving would be transitioned into a detox. 

Of all the nightmares, this felt the cruelest somehow. I woke up at 3:30am and just sobbed. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. And this was on top of all of the other challenging work of getting sober. 

But I never had another bad dream after we moved. And the screaming did not follow us.

* I would find out later that a common side effect of Seroquel, along with fugue-state ambulation and sleep-eating, is nightmares. This drug is often prescribed to patients who are in post-acute withdrawal from drugs and alcohol to treat insomnia. Seroquel is what I started taking when I moved into residential treatment. 

Graveyard shifts are notoriously hard on the human body. Inverting the natural  sleep rhythm can do an absolute number on the brain, and often leads to chronic insomnia. Anyone who has stayed up all night can attest to how significantly it messes with your internal systems. I have stayed up multiple consecutive nights before, and have hallucinated. I have heard screaming when there was none, I have seen shadows morph into human forms and vanish just as quickly. 

This is all to say that there seems to be a perfectly logical explanation for the dreams, for the screaming. The reiki master could have just been having some fun with the unruly and obnoxious adult children that were her clients. She could just be full of shit. Night shift guys could have just heard things, or maybe it was a coyote. An owl. Someone actually screaming (hey, maybe it was a detox patient at another facility!) One morning I awoke earlier than usual to find one of the graveyard techs standing in the dark, staring at a street lamp. He was transfixed by a silvery form hanging below it in the yellow light.

“Is that a goddamn bat?” he asked, horrified.

It was a spiderweb.

But...I continued to take the Seroquel after we moved houses, and the nightmares never returned. The other house, Jeanie’s house, became a chaotic mess for the staff. Patients in detox were found fucking in multiple rooms, people disappeared in the middle of the night and others showed up suddenly in the morning...the entire detox program of this treatment facility seemed to be plunged into unmitigated bedlam, and it wasn’t like that before. Sure, there is always going to be some drama at places like this, but techs said they’d never seen things so bad. Anywhere. Additional workers were hired. Others quit without notice. And I have to wonder.

So, this story also ends like everything else: with the supernatural, with the unknown. Life ends with a big fat question mark, and that’s ok. One thing I’ve grown to appreciate is not having all the answers, to accepting the unknown and allowing myself to dip a toe into superstition. Human beings are no strangers to faith, but faith is especially vital for a person like me: faith in myself that I can stay sober, faith in redemption, faith that there is something, somewhere, greater than me that can save my ass. Faith in good friends, faith in good dogs. Faith in a life worth living well. Faith that Jeanie will find whatever she needs to cease her wailing, and faith that one day I’ll be there in time to stop somebody’s falling.