#had it take place in his mv i hope that's alright! ( i love u so bad)

[exvought]

i need more training.

alec narrows his gaze onto nina from across the training room, her determination cutting through her timbre and across the area. there's a tick within the line of his jaw as he studies her, his ears listening for the strum of her heartbeat to give leeway to what she is thinking, how she is feeling, and what this newfound mission to train stems from. the world of supes is a dangerous one, never knowing if they will appear and push their fist through the chest cavity of any innocences that they deem unworthy of criminal justice, and instead, their own brutal version of justice.

alec crosses his arms over his chest, almost sizing her up as his gaze rakes over her. from an outsider's perspective, given alec's crude history, it may seem as though he is checking her out. but in actuality, he's seeing where her strengths and weaknesses may be just from a different point of view. "if you want to train with me, i'm not going to hold you hand. metaphorically, of course," he muses, a simper bleeding to the surface of his features, a usual appearance that he takes on. "think you can keep up?"

[byunbaekhyunie]

but i want your opinion on the music video 🧐

omg thank u for asking me cause i didnt wanna bore anybody with my two cents critic but i have so much to say!!（＞人＜）

alright so real quick abt the music - cause that ties into how I feel abt the mv - I don't think MAVERICK is a great song. IMO, it's the weakest out the album but most importantly, it doesn't fit the concept of the comeback musically. We're operating within this dark dystopian universe, and somehow the b-sides do a much better job at conveying that eerie, grim atmosphere than MAVERICK does. Normally, or ideally I should say, the title track sets the tone and everything else follows suit, here I feel like the song is out of place, it's mismatched with the rest. So when I'm watching the mv, it all falls very flat for me cause the music doesn't compliment the visuals and vice versa...

now,,, abt the music video itself. Maybe this is a me problem because I love lore, but this mv has no narrative spine. And that in and out of itself isn't a problem, not everything needs a crazy complex three-act structure, a great example is Thrill Ride ; it's just a simple video of them singing and having fun, there's no bigger picture and that's great. But here.. they're referencing Battle Royale (2000), one of the most prominent east asian movies of all time, it's a cultural staple, not only is there symbolism here that's left untapped but there's so much to pull from in terms of storyline! It's insane to me that they wouldn't want to do the bare minimum to pull all this together a little more neatly, even more so considering the global phenomenon that is Squid Game atm like it would be so easy to piggyback off of that just for marketing sake.. and like idk,, I was left so perplexed by this video that I had to go and make sure that it was directed and produced by HAUS OF TEAM, which it is indeed :/

Now don't get me wrong, I love HAUS and their work with tbz, I think they're really good at creating a visual universe, they even got Cho Giseok to shoot some of their pictures!! They're a very good production team,, and maybe I should direct part of my grievances to Cackler Ent. too but, they're missing someone who could take it a step further with good writing and storytelling. I'm so worked up abt this cause there's so much potential there, and it would set them forward by a landslide I think if they could figure that out. Like, I would've loved for a little backstory teaser to lay down some ground rules and set some stakes. Cause here's the thing: idk why tbz are there, if they're there by choice or by force, idk if there's a motive to fight, idk anything !! The collars would've made a nice entry point into the story for example. I have to say, I was surprised when I saw that both the trailer and the teaser for this comeback were... essentially the same thing. It's a downgrade in quality when u compare it to what they did for The Stealer, or even Thrill Ride.. Sidenote: I hope this doesn't set the tone for what's gonna happen after the play m merger cause... oof 😐

Overall, the video lacks any sort of cinematic ambition that it almost feels cheap. It's shot so incredibly tightly that it takes away any immersive experience, which is a shame considering that they were filming on location, smth they haven't done in a while if u exclude Christmassy! Like to me, that's not good use of the set. There's very little prop and what little there is isn't utilized properly. Just some examples: Sangyeon's bag. what's in it? is it money? is it weapons? where and how did he get his hands on it? ; Haknyeon's pencil. like... just why. ; Jacob uses a rocket launcher but we're not shown who/what he shoots, why he shoots it, there's not even one blow up scene to try to create the tiniest semblance of narrative cohesion like? u gotta ask urself at this point, why even bother? And like I said, it wouldn't be hard at all to tie some of the details together for the sake of a cleaner narrative arc...

And it's not like the song helps tie it all together either, cause according to the lyrics I'm led to believe that they're all social misfits who do this for the love of the game. Or if u really wanna push it, u could argue that they go from 'Back in the game' to 'Breaking the game' which means that in fact, they're coming up with ways to outsmart whoever's in control of the Battle Royale ; effectively creating their own path and their own rules (i.e. MAVERICK wow). Which is all fine and dandy, but doesn't substitute for the missing narrative thread in the mv..

But not only is the storyline full of holes, it gets borderline nonsensical. Like during the comeback show, Sunu said that he loses to Kevin. Like in that scene where they fight, Sunwoo loses and like? somehow he finds himself outside. With just a scratch on his cheek after Kevin throws a grenade at him????? Like that's one aspect that I wholeheartedly don't understand is that it seems in their version of a battle royale, no one dies... Which contradicts the entire concept of what battle royale is and is why I need more context here.

Like here are just some very simple ideas out of my own little peanut brain of how they could have introduced some deeper storylines: - to me, the shot where Kyeobmuda stands together alludes to them being, if not a team, on some sort of truce at least ; therefore I think it could've been cool for Changmin to have an arrow in his leg when he's wounded and crawling on the floor to call back to when Chanhee shoots an arrow seemingly in. that. same. corridor. like come on that shit writes itself, like it would've been an interesting way to introduce friendship and betrayal, and explained why both of them are crying at the end,, or idk anything for a more engaging story - Younghoon manages to escape from Changmin after being tied up but for what? he's not even seen escaping. He has a lighter with him at some point, could've been a nice call back to have a scene where smth (or god forbid, even someone) is set on fire - the 'TAKE A BREATH' note that's given to Hyunjae, I feel that it hints at the gas chamber where he and Juyeon get trapped by Sangyeon and like idk if maybe instead of that stupid pencil, they had give Haknyeon a red pen or the other way around so that it tied together with the note like that could've explained why Jyu and Hyunjae both seem to be immune to whatever gas they're inhaling in there, like if Haknyeon had warned Hyunjae so that he could've saved himself from Sangyeon's plan without him knowing like HELLLLLOOOO - and finally, just anything. ANYTHING. to make that final message make sense like 'Protect yourself from what u want' well If Only. If only I knew what it is that they wanted like pls tell me, I'm Begging to know.

so yea, closing statement. Unfortunately, MAVERICK was a disappointment for me. It might be my least favorite the boyz comeback to date, if I wasn't already worried abt merger before lol... All that being said, I would like to end on a few positive notes so  I like the outfits... and the choreo is decent. Juyeon looks really handsome with his hair cut short like that.. and also I wanna compliment tbz for their overall performance, the acting, the dancing, everything, I think they did great with what little was given to them and in such short notice too, which is.. an umpteenth reason why I wish the company would've gone the extra mile for them instead of pushing to release a 3 song album in 2 months :/

guess i'll have to sustain myself with the 2 b-sides and my imagination until next cb ^^'

[bloededhoine]

hi! I loved the last headcanons I requested so I'm sending more, hope u don't mind and sorry if this is late and if it is not Friday for u anymore. ☾, ■ and ♡ for Morvran (coz the one u wrote is the most amazing thing) and ✿ for Ves. Thank you so much and btw I abolutely love your witcher memes

you sent this 6 november. it is currently 12 december (by time i finished it its 11 january on my god) i am so fucking sorry but here you go! also the ves one.. yes.

☾ - sleep headcanon

■ -  bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

♡ - romantic headcanon

✿ - sex headcanon

list

sleep headcanon

morvran is generally a pretty light sleeper, to the point where someone walking loudly outside will wake him up

so, he takes it upon himself to be properly tired before he goes to bed so he'll sleep through the night

this is usually accomplished by riding (a horse or a diplomat? who's to say)

good god it's the third bullet point how did i already make this sexual

alright...

he totally gives me monogrammed matching pyjama set vibes

like they're a mahogany coloured silk with a little MV embroidered in cursive

ciri loves making fun of them

but he's comfy DAMNIT

he sleepwalks... and didn't think it worth mentioning until emhyr hired a witcher to deal with the palaces supposed wraith problem...and of course he didn't want the city of golden towers to have a reputation as a hotbed for monsters.... but he eventually decided he liked his status as the local ghost

he keeps a dream diary.

like most of these hcs are based on tiny details in some obscure translation, but trust me bro morvran voorhis keeps a dream diary

he plays the dapper dude game, but with enough sambuca he will absolutely tell you why journaling your dreams is the most important thing you can do

he wears slippers. i know this for a fact. they match his pyjamas and he leaves them right next to his bed every night

of course, this started with morvran's father making sure he was always prepared for a quick getaway

even after the assassination he just couldn't shake the habit. he also always stays on the ground or first floor and won't fall asleep in a room unless the windows open from the inside. precautions, you know?

great now i'm sad

bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

okay here's the thing you need to understand about morvran voorhis: he did not have any autonomy for the first 20 odd years of his life

growing up in the imperial palace doesn't leave a lot of room for individuality. sure, he had expensive toys, soft fabrics, and the nicest governesses and most intelligent tutors in the empire, but none of it was his

even after his father died, he couldn't leave because he was getting married off to some girl he'd never even met!

so, by time he had command of the alba division and, by extension, his own life, he got creative

i'm talking a tapestry of his favoured stallion that takes up an entire wall

and a custom plaque of the merchant's guild insignia on the mantle

and a hook right next to his bed to put his medallion

and his own gwent card, framed

and a map of nilfgaard he annotates himself, with markings such as "bastard who stole fire scorpion, cheats with scoia'tael deck", "pretty girl witcher", "annoying witcher", "guild army contact", "actual 25 centimetres, take portal or carriage"

and a desk he never actually uses because it's too orderly and looks too nice to mess up

should all those mismatched patriotic and egotistical things look good together? no, no they should not. but do they?? fuck to the yes! our mans knows the importance of a colour scheme!

when you first walk in his quarters, it looks kind of like most of the others in alba, except with a few extra empty coffee mugs

but he HAS THOSE MOTHERFUCKING DETAILS

i don't know why i'm so invested in this i just fucking KNOW it's true

he's a neat freak. i feel like we all knew this.

there's a designated spot for everything, and don't you dare mess up the system

also if you drip water on his rug he will 100% throw your ass out onto the street

romantic headcanon

now, i'm almost exclusively romantically attracted to women, but i would marry voorhis and not just for the money

he definitely has a huge romantic streak that he really loves indulging. buying flowers, writing love letters, all of that, he genuinely enjoys it

yes, he's a busy man, but he makes the little moments count! he definitely bugs assire for a new xenovox like every week because he breaks them so often

morvran voorhis is a massive flirt. i will not be taking questions

i told myself i wouldn't work in my voorhis used to be a sex worker hc in this, but you know what he did and that's important to him!

the flirting is definitely an issue in relationships, especially with people who didn't know him before he was a commander.

i'm not saying he's two faced, he just has very distinct business and pleasure personas that he doesn't want to mix

he also sees relationships as fairly contractual. he gave those diplomats a little of ~this~ because it helped him succeed. somewhere along the way he began to enjoy the feelings of courting someone, but it was largely because he knows you're always better at work you enjoy.

ciri has called him out on it a few times... he was not happy

how dare you ask this man to be vulnerable he is a BOTTOM

but i honestly think that if there is someone he wants, he will make himself worthy of them. voorhis is nothing if not confident and determined, and i think those are more powerful than the massive daddy issues and praise kink

he really just puts in effort and concern to all aspects of a relationship

like dates? unreal

he always starts by going to the vegelbud estate, partly because he is desperate for his peers' approval and partly because he wants to see if this lucky person is a good match

he also knows all the places around the estate where wildflowers grow. i told you he's a romantic.

sex headcanon

i'm about to be incredibly gay on main oh good god jimmy don't read this please

ves is a dom and a top. acceptable titles include Sir, Master, or Lieutenant and you better fucking use them

ves definitely gets around. i mean, just look at her. the energy is immaculate and she knows what she's doing

overstim. just... one is not enough. shaking is not enough. begging is not enough. being completely fucked out and not even able to manage any words while sobbing? that might do. (with consent!)

not that ves doesn't love to hear some begging, she definitely does. it's just not going to motivate or demotivate her to do anything, she already has it all planned out

that plan includes hearing someone beg for her strap even as she's deep enough inside them they can feel it in their belly

good god i'm really exposing all my kinks

anyways let's keep it going!

she's an amazing rigger

not just in technique, she knows exactly when to be gentle versus firm and create art out of a body and some ropes

ves bites

just grabbing a handful of hair and tilting their head back so she can leave marks on their throat... mmhm yeah

i think she fucked geralt

like yeah you can have her fuck geralt in assassins of kings but i think she just did it anyway cause she was bored and smelled a bottom

he had a very good time

ves was eh

geralt's just far more submissive than ves's usual partners. i mean, she's used to handling 5 temerian guerillas. a singular witcher isn't even a challenge

surprisingly, she's quiet. spending 80% of her day within earshot of her father figure made this more of a necessity, but she can fashion an excellent gag for any parties who aren't worried about all of temeria hear them

[riskeith]

omg hi. sorry i disappeared for a few days, been super busy with school. i missed you a lot. how have you been?

i haven’t had the need to eat any food since i got barbara and noelle on my team. if one of them can’t shield, the other comes in a clutch haha. *bows* thank you ladies for your service.

i’d pay hard earned money to see fanart with the boy scouts playing with guoba.. :( and YEAH. that would be so fitting? + it’s gonna be liyue themed which is super nice. do you know any predictions over which four stars will be in xiao’s banner? and who do /you/hope will be there?

last time i played three days ago unlocked dragonspine.. i even did albedo’s quest i can’t believe i defeat that evil place sjshdksk. meaning i got so some primogems and some intertwined fate. i’ve been itching to use some of the intertwined fates to get xiangling c rate up... should i?

october 20 is such a cute bday. you know how some dates just look nice? that’s one of them shskdhs. i want to say my birthday too but i feel like if anyone reads our messages they’ll know who i am... sorry. you’ll have to wait for that information until we privately talk some day. big promise. 🤍

ooh. you kind of wing it too, then! in some ways. if you’re not feeling it do you leave the fic for the day after or give up on it for a while? (so many question... shut up @ me) i’m the same as you! but i also write sometimes in the day time and i feel like that’s when i produce my best work. yesterday i was at a cafe studying and during a break i just started writing a fic and for some reason it just flowed so nicely? so yeah idk skdjdhsk. whenever it strikes i suppose.

i do borrow my books sadly. i kind of have to because i don’t have anymore place to put my books (we live in a small apartment) and books are kind of expensive :( i don’t mind borrowing though because i don’t really reread books unless they’re super special so it’s fine. do you buy yours? I HAVE READ LEGEND. i read it waaaay back in grade school haha, it’s been ages ago. i’ve never seen anyone say it’s their favorite but i can see why you feel that way. it’s kind of underrated in the community for sure.

dude fuck... chongyun and xingqiu live in my mind rent free. i kid you not i just can’t stop thinking about those boys... please send me all the fanart you find i’ll literally give you my life for that <3

i just listened to the g-idle song and AAA? wtf? i used to really like them while i was into kpop and this is so nostalgic to me. i haven’t listened to kpop in literally years shdkdhdk. this song is great thank you for sending it, do you like g-idle? <3

WAIT ARE YOU MAKING A SECOND ACC? I WAS LITERALLY CONSIDERING DOING ONE IN ASIA FOR YOU... shdjdhdjshsjsj our minds. and yes i’m in american server... oh god. our co-op date can happen? 🥺 but if it’s too much work for you i’ve seriously actually considered doing one in asia for me i’m totally fine with starting all over so.. 🥺

god i’ve missed talking to you so much. once again i’m sorry for not being here, but hopefully after tomorrow’s exam school will be a bit more chill and i’ll be yours again.

hope you’ve been well babe. mwah!

hi!! that’s alright ahah, i assumed that was the case. i’ve been well!! and then not so well bc we weren’t talking 🤪 needless to say i’ve missed you a lot too <333

omggg QUEENS!!! i don’t have any healers but i don’t eat food either... LMFAO unless it’s a boss fight i’ll just keep going until i’m done with whatever it is then go heal at a statue fsdhfkdjs

!!! brb just gonna go get good at art so i can draw that for u 😩 i don’t have any predictions myself, but i’ve seen people say it’ll be ningguang + beidou + barbara possibly?? but of course, i would hope that xingqiu was there <3333 he can appear twice in a row come on mhy <3333 just think about that <333 and omggg i’d wish if chongyun came as well.. i really want to get him to c6 (but he was only two banners ago?) hbu do you have any thoughts on the matter~

AHAHAH good job im proud of you 😤😤 show that nasty place who’s boss!! if you want to, I don’t see why not! it’ll get you closer to pity as well so by the time venti is near, hopefully it won’t take you much to get him! lmk how it goes!!!! manifesting c6 xiangling for you 🔥

fhskdf thank you... is it weird to say i agree? FHDSKFHSDKFKJ like. 20/10 or 10/20... nice even multiples of ten numbers.. AHAHAH. no need to apologise at all!! 🤍🤍🤍🤍 share whatever you’re comfortable with whenever you’re comfortable <33

hm it depends. (i just reaslised i said this exact phrasing last time too lmfao) i think i usually give up on it for a while? but sometimes i try to force myself through it too, just to get over that section so i can hopefully move on to a better one wait sorry i misread your question LOL. i usually leave it for the day as opposed to give up on it for a while! if i’m actively working on something i’d prefer to continue working at it slowly, even if the progress is just me opening the doc and then exiting after 5 mins fhdskj. are you the same? (NO!!! DO NOT SHUT UP @ YOU i never get to talk about writing processes pls im enjoying this a lot)

nice!! the vibes when writing during the day are sometimes better as well, bc it’s still light and stuff you’re not sitting in the dark or with a light on.. lol. it’s more ~natural~ & omg legendary... i love that for you!! on that note, do you usually study at school/cafes/libraries? i pretty much can only study at home, i hate doing it anywhere else. 

ahh that’s fair :( and yeah i agree books can get so expensive? like the authors def deserve to be compensated for all their hard work but damn lmao. oh that’s a good point! i do buy books yeah, and i don’t even necessarily reread them i just like having them on the shelf fhdskfd (there are many i haven’t even read for the first time... oops.) what ages do grade school cover? sorry i have no idea what that means fhsjfkshsdkjs the different names for education levels will never not confuse me. !! yeah i really wish legend was more popular aaaaa

here are some recent arts i’ve bookmarked!! (rip i should find one more so every word is linked but cbs hfskdhfs) i’m also considering making a genshin twitter! idk why i’m so averse to following these amazing accs on my normal account lmaoo but i’m also thinking of posting pics from the 52485 photoshoots i do with chongyun..

oh nice!!! i’m really happy you liked it 🥰🥰🥰 and yeah i do like g-idle but i don’t stan them! that’s me with most groups tbh fshkfjsd but i do watch most of their MVs when they first come out~

FSHFKJSDHFKSD wait what if.. this but it’s us surprising each other in the other’s servers <33 and if i’m telling you the truth... i kinda despise the idea of playing in am*rica server FHSDKJFHSDKFHSDKKDSHFKSDHKKJ but we could compromise and both start again in europe?? ahah let me know what you think! if you’re happy to just do one in asia tho that’s fine as well~ 

me too!! and no worries for real, school comes first!! (even if it fkn sucks... @ school i hate you. i say, when i’m still on holidays FHDSKJFJS) aaaa good luck on your exam!!! i hope you smash it 💪💪 

also um “and i’ll be yours again”??!?!?!?!? be still my beating heart 😩😩😩😩 i shall be waiting for you wifey hehe

hope you’ve been taking care of yourself!! kisses, c.r.

[dreammutual-remade]

idol!you and lucas

request: please do a bullet scenario about lucas and his gf both being sm idols - anon

word count: 2.6k 

a/n: first of all,,,, this gif hurts me badly, seCOND OF ALL im so sorry for the inactivity !!  I have finals this week and I graduate really soon n ive just been v busy !!! also I had hella writers block trying to finish this ish up but I hope u like it anon !!!!its a lil hard for me to write as an idol just because thats such a Wildt lifestyle but I did my best ily

warnings: cursing n also some crying because god knows all of our boys prolly have during their idol days :(((((((

what’s up butter cup

let’s dive tf in

as a pre-warning thingy i’m making you a singer so i’m very sorry if you can’t sing i can’t either bby

alright so this story begins when you’re not even 16 years old and you audition for a bunch of companies

tbh you didn’t think you were /that/ good at singing or dancing but ???

all the companies wanted you??? you got offers from JYP and SM and Pledis ????? go off queen

we stan

anyways

you decide to go with SM since they produced leGENDS SHINEE

FUCK I LOVE THOSE GUYS

(binch if u went to JYP u literally could have been in TWICE ?!?/&.&. ABSOLUTE LEGENDS UR LOSS THOT)

also because you just think that’ll be best for you ?? idk we don’t judge here (i already did though i’m So Sorry)

on your first day as a trainee you’re in search of the female dorms and you just can’t find them

eventually you run into this,,,, Gang Of Adolescent Boys

they’re wearing dorky ass muscle tees and keep saying shit about “foreign swaggers”

(.... y’all already know who it is sjdkdkd)

and you’re Meek and New and Small so you’re like um, hellowherearethegirlsdormsplease

okay there’s four of them and they’re all fckin huge except for one

the Biggest One with the american accent points you in the right direction and you try to scurry away but end up smacking into the Second Biggest One’s arm because he moved in your way on accident ouchie

“god lucas why don’t you just run the poor girl over”

“hYUNG PLEASE”

“hehehhehe i’m just kiddin”

and you just kind of mumble that it’s fine and go on your way

okay so you train for three yEARS before your debut

and you def come out of your shell alright like you’re Extroverted and whatnot

you still see those boys and even make friends with mark and donghyuck and the Foreign Members

but the entirety of the group you met has debuted except Lucas

you’re not close but you wave and say hi when you see each other

you turn pink everytime from Emotions and also Holding Your Breathe Due To Anxiety

and he was cute years ago but he’s only gotten prettier with age dude

they recently dyed his hair to give him some Blonde Stuff and he looks reaLLY GOOD

LIKE TO THE POINT WHERE U HAVE TROUBLE LOOKING HIM IN THE EYE

but eventually you’re like hey now i’m a grown woman i can handle this giant childish man !!! quit that @ emotions

alright so you debut like, days before him no lie

you’re a solo artist bc idk

red velvet was full 😔🤟

anyways you’ve been filming the video for the past couple weeks and the concept is sort of filmy and shimmery like old sparkly anime water u kno ?

and you’re wearing similar stuff to what ten was wearing in the new heroes mv (BIG OOF) except less warm toned ?

like swishy sort of see through white shirts and spandex underneath

you’re a Beautiful and Skilled dancer so they have u all over the place with this choreo

on the FLOOR on the WALL in the AIR

no joke they had you in a harness doing cool swirly shit in the air this is the stuff of legends my g

but like the inside of SM ? is very cold

if you’re not filming you’re bundled up in a blanket and trying to rub the goosebumps out of your arms and legs

because you have to look all smooth and flawless for filming and those are two things goosies are not

luckily the song wasn’t a huge ballad because it’s rather hard to belt out long ass notes when you’re upside down lmao

anyways, the song is a bop and the mv is beautiful and you are wearing minimal clothing and although these are all nice things but also

RECIPE FOR DISASTER

the filming is almost done thank GOD

you’re taking a break from filming and you go out in the hall in your costume to go get another water bottle because ain’t nobody around to give a pre debut thot a water bottle 🤧🤧

your arms are wrapped around yourself when lucas jogs up behind you and throws his jacket around you??

literally throws it like you made an oof noise

“um ,? thank you that was aggressive”

“i knOw i’m sorry it’s just you are practically naked and it’s Cold in here and also walking behind you i noticed you were Very Exposed sO”

you turn bright red because that means everyone has seen your ass prolly and you duck your head and pull the jacket tighter around yourself

“oh! i’m sorry i mean you look uhh? really good ?? yeah you look good nOT that i was looking super hard or anything or that i uH saw aNything BUt if i did it would look good i’m sure nOT THAT I thInK about that ?$/&/“

and now you’re both blushing very hard but you feel a little better when you see he’s just as flustered as you

you brush your fingers on his forearm to get him to stop staring at the floor and tell him thanks and ask about when he’s debuting

he tells you the mv filming is done since they had to go Real Far Away to do it and get it done ahead of time and that the teasers will be out in three weeks and then the mv release and then its Show Time Baby

you’re excited for him and he’s excited and you debut really soon as well and he’s excited for you and !!!!!

there’s excitement all over the place

he’s smiling so big and his eyes are cute and crinkly and :(((((

you still got a crush on him /sigh/

one of the staff literally yells your name down the hall and you’re like aw shit that’s my cue lol

you leave him with with a lil squeeze of his bicep and you’re BOTH shook

him because ?? was that fLIRTING

you because ?? THAT WAS FLIRTING

also because his biceps are thicc i’m gonna cry

big baby stands there for like 3 mins just shook and with uwus oozing from his pores

you skrt very quickly to avoid the consequences of your actions and get back to filming

okay TIME SKIP

your mv was released and did GOOD AS FUCK

you didn’t hear it from me but lucas + nct boys were seen on vlive jamming the fuck out to your song

you’re backstage like 10 mins from going on and having an absolute panic attack

what if you trip ??? or your voice breaks !!:&::

what if all the reviews say you’re Trash live and that the mv was better since they edited

what if you FLOP AND HAVE NO FANS

NO ONE DOES THE FANCHANTS

FUCK FUXKFUCKFUXKCUDJ

so you do call the king of debuts

mark lee

and you’re like mARK FUCK IM GOING TO CRASH AND BURN PLEAS LLSSE DHELPD ME

he tells you to Calm The Fuck Down and assures you it’ll be fine but it’s not working and mark is but a young boy he don’t know how to deal with FEMALES

you hear some deep ass voice on the other side ask who’s on the phone and mark says your name and then the voice is closer and deMANDING to be given the phone

u already kno it’s our boy yukhei

he can hear you gasping through the phone and having a mental breakdown and immediately makes his voice all low and soft

wow i’m , affected writing this shit

“hey, y/n, listen to me, you’re okay, you’re fine. i promise it’ll be okay.”

“bUT WHAT IF I-“

“you won’t. you’ve worked too hard and practiced too much. i know you i saw you do it. do NOT let all of that go down the drain. you can do this. now get your cute ass out there and take NO SHIT”

“i know but i am, scared”

“don’t be! this is what you love isnt it?”

“i mean,,,, yeah”

“and you want to do this more than anything don’t you?”

“well , yeah”

“then for gods sake don’t be a wimp and do it”

“hey i miss the part of this conversation where you were being nice to me”

“that part’s over babe you need some TOUGH LOVE now please for me and for yourSELF get out there”

“okay.. thanks lucas”

“anything for you, angel”

yOU HANG UP SO QUICK

how dare he

you were all Comforted but then he went on with that angel bullshit

okay long story short you ended the industry dude

all solo artists BOW BEFORE YOU

VOCAL QUEEN

DANCE QUEEN

lucas: shaking because His Angel did so well and you were wearing white and actually looked like an angel

but you don’t see him for the next like twO MONTHS because he’s promoting boss and you’re promoting your single and neither of you are home ever

when you do get a second to yourself you try to send him an encouraging text but

you seldom get a second to yourself :(((

he does the same thing and they’re so sweet :(

“good morning i hope u slept well !!”

“princess don’t forget 2 hydrate”

“i saw ur mnet performance u looked beautiful <333”

this man is practically begging you to wife him up i mean

he’s cute

he’s BIG and WARM

very sweet to you :(

talented and lovely

absolute dweeb

supportive of you even from great distances

BEST BOY UWU

you try to be just as encouraging back because he deserves it UGH

“bub don’t forget to eat i know ur hungry rn”

“!!!!!! you came foR MY LUNGS WITH THAT CENTER DANCE AT THE END BOI”

“why are u sending me messages u need to rest bby :((“

when things calm down though you,, see each other

he doesn’t formally ask you out and you don’t say anything but, youre dating sort of kind of

as idols you’re both still so so busy and you JUST debuted so neither of you are really allowed to date anyways

you settle for little bits of cuddling and secret touches as you pass each other in the hall

you both stand outside of your respective dorms at night to facetime without waking your dorm mates

he desperately wants to go on dates and do Normal Couple things but there’s no time :(

the most affectionate you’ve ever been is when the girl group who shares a dorm with you was out promoting and you had him over and you took a nap together :((((

he Insisted upon being the big spoon and basically wrapped your whole body up with his limbs

pressed a few lil kisses to the back of your neck and your shoulder when he thought you were asleep

you weren’t though and you turned around to kiss him on the cheek and then tuck your face into his neck and pass tf out

he has to leave though because mark texts him and is like YO I KNO UR WITH Y/N AND HER ROOMMATES ARE ON THE WAY HOME

ABORT MISSION DUDE

and that’s pretty much it :(

months pass without much between you even though you’re trying your best

and even though you live in dorms you’re still so lonely especially when you’re traveling because you don’t have any group members

you don’t want to annoy or worry lucas though so you don’t complain

he notices though and late at night he’ll call you while you’re in bed and talk about his day and how he misses you and wishes you were there

and when you get all emo he says he’ll be waiting for you at the airport

(he really does he goes and hides in the bathroom and texts you so you can go in there and TACKLE HIM)

he still calls you angel all the time :((((

god that’s another weakness of mine ??? IM SUCH A WUSS

but it has specifically changed to “my angel”

uwu

your first kiss and first Real Confession happens on the Worst Day Of Your Life

you’re about to go on stage (you’ve released an album since your debut so this is new stuff) when you get a call from your mom ??

she’s crying and tells you your grandma is sick and in the hospital and it’s really bad

immediately you’re barely holding yourself together because that woman half raised you and was the reason you stayed in dance and worked so hard to become who you are today

there are tears streaming down your face already and the makeup team is fluttering around you trying to fix what you’re messing up and it’s bad

you still have to go on though so you go and perform with tears in your eyes and your manager yells at you after for not pulling it together

you go home in tears and then you’re not looking where you’re going and ran straight into a staff who yells at you some more for being some entitled idol brat

originally you weren’t gonna say anything to lucas but, the staff pushed you over the edge and you call him in tears and are incoherent and can barely tell him where you are before you hang up

our boy BURSTS into your room and sees you sitting on the floor with your face buried in your knees and 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 !!

he gathers you in his arms and sits on the bed with you curled up on his lap

he holds you close and rubs a comforting hand up and down your back at the same time as he frantically tries to figure out what’s wrong

“y/n?? baby what’s wrong? angel, please you gotta tell me or i cant help”

“i jjJJUST Got a cALL and my grandMA IS SICK AND THEN I DI D BAD AND DISAPPOINTED EVERYONE AND My mManageR yeYELLED at me and theN I RAN iNtO a staffF meMbEr and he yELled at me too and I JSUT .$:&:&;& i’m sO SORRY u doNT need to deAL WIYH ME you have problems of YouR own and-“

“shhh listen to me i always care about you okay? angel, i want to help you no matter what you know that. also, if you weren’t so distraught i would go beat some SM ass you didn’t deserve to be yelled at :(((( how about we call your mom and check for updates with your grandma and i’ll stay here with you for the night?”

you nod and then reach for your phone while keeping as much physical contact with lucas as possible

he’s the only reason you haven’t reached the Depression Point Of No Return so

we stayin close

you put your mom on speaker and set your phone down before squishing yourself back into his chest and sniffling while the phone rings

your mom answers and you shakily ask for any updates and she tells you not much but your grandma has improved and they think that within a couple weeks she’ll be better

you cry some more and tell her you love them both and you’re so relieved and lucas kisses the crown of your head and is just There For Comforting

once you hang up and you’ve calmed down a little more you back up a little and turn to face him

“hey thank you so much, you didn’t have to come and help me so much but you’ve always been there to make me stop Freaking Out and laugh and i just, love you. yeah that’s what it is. I LOVE YOU I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU, WONG YUKHE-“

he cuts you off by snatching your face in his big warm hands and kissing you right on the lips

he then kisses your nose and your forehead and pulls you back into his lap to tuck you under his chin

“it’s all for you, angel ;)))) i love you more”

[asmodevsa]

What is your favourite bts song from each of their albums?

Hi dear, thanks for this question, i was having a really boring day at work at it was nice!

This was really hard, but here it goes:

long post ahead 

2 COOL 4 SKOOL: NO MORE DREAM

Thats kinda cliche, but it was their debut song, and the first song I listened from them.

What is the you that you’ve dreamed of?Who do you see in the mirror? I gotta sayGo on your pathEven if you live for a dayDo somethingPut away your weakness

O!RUL8,2?: COFFEE

I love this lyrics so much! The song itself is calm and soft but also kinda bittersweet.

Our first date was sweet like a caramel macchiatoWherever we went, we wanted to go togetherBut as time went by,those feelings went down like dripping down espressoMy insides ache for no reason, we used to be so goodBreaking up was like a bitter americano

SKOOL LUV AFFAIR: TOMORROW

Last year I had a lot in my mind, I couldn’t find a job and everything was a mess, and then i listened to this song, as in, i really LISTENED, and it was like everything I was feeling and couldn’t say they expressed perfectly. It’s a really important song for me.

I have a long way to go butwhy am I running in place?I scream out of frustrationbut the empty air echoesI hope tomorrow willbe different from todayI’m just wishing

WAKE UP: THE STARS

This is the kind of song I need to listen once in a while, but tbh I haven’t listened to this in a while haha (idk if this is good or not tho)

Even if there are times when you feel discouraged, it’s not meaninglessEven if you’re in the last place now, if you have a dream you’re not

DARK&WILD: RAIN

I usually like walking around in rainy days because their great days to organize my thoughts, and this song express this really well. I love putting my earphones and listening this song when I feel blue.

The rain stops and the reflection in the puddleI see myself looking more miserable today

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMENT IN LIFE, PART 1: I NEED U  

I’ve never been in love like this, so I could never really relate my own feelings to the lyrics, which makes it even more crazy because it’s like I’m in pain, I’m feeling that dispair of being in a relationship that its not worth it. I also love the beat SO MUCH, and of course, this is where all the theories started!

Girl, just tell me you wanna break upGirl, just tell me it wasn’t loveI have no courage to say thatGive me my last giftSo I can’t ever go back to you

+ MOVING ON (이사)

I can’t not talk about this song, because it makes me so emotional. The lyrics are insanally personal, and it as the first time I felt closer to the boys.

While taking the last box out of the empty roomI looked back for a momentTimes we cried and laughedGoodbye now

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMENT IN LIFE, PART 2: RUN

I could be one of those cool kids who only like the songs that aren’t really “appreciated” but honestly I just love this song, and part of this was because of the MV too. Of course we have no idea of what’s going on in this history they’re trying to tell us and the theories are insane at this point but this song is just amazing, i also love the japanese version!

You are my only sun, one and only in the worldI bloomed for you, but I’m still getting thirsty

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMENT IN LIFE YOUNG FOREVER: EPILOGUE: YOUNG FOREVER

OT but I remember it came out in my mom’s birthday in that year lol

This song is amazing, I’m sad that it’s so short, I could (puns aside) listen to this forever. Its beautiful, and I especially like the unplugged version!

Trying to comfort myselfI tell myself the world can’t be perfectI start to let myself goThe thundering applause, I can’t own it forever

YOUTH: WISHING ON A STAR

I don’t have much to say about this song, I just love it because it makes me so soft haha it’s really sweet.

As long as you have a dream, you don’t have to worryIf you believe, it’ll shineThe pearl of the future, right right alrightIf you’re tired, you can rest while continuing to move forward

WINGS: 2!3!

This is really hard because here we have solo songs and each of them has it’s own meaning, I especially love Lie and Awake (I cried a lot listening Awake too) but this song is special because I still remember how I felt when I first listened to this. It was the day they released WINGS, and I was listening all the songs for the first time and reading the lyrics, this whole album itself is a roller coaster in the best way, and then when it came to this song I was reading the lyrics when I suddenly couldnt read anymore because my eyes were full of tears. I didn’t know why I was in pain, but I was and it was like this seven boys who I never met knew about my pain and wanted to help.

Still, I hope there will be good daysIf you believe me, 1, 2, 3

YOU NEVER WALK ALONE: SPRING DAY 

I don’t think this is surprising, this song is so delicate and honestly sad. They showed their emotions really well in this, all those bittersweet feelings when the song ends. i love thiis song a lot.

How much more do I have to wait?How many more nights do I have to stay up?Until I can see you?

LOVE YOURSELF: HER: 고민보다 GO 

Although I love Serendipity and Jimin’s voice (wich made everything more soft and pure) I relate to Go the most. My previous favorite songs were always sad somehow and this song and dance is just fun, but at the same time it talks about soemething serious. 

Just break it apartWe’re too young to just worryFor today, just go instead of worryingIf you get scared and say you’re saving, it becomes poopSo rub it all around

+ BONUS TRACK: SEA

Oh, how I cried my eyes out listening to this. I cry a lot and this is not a surprise but holy fuck, this song is good! I listened to this a lot in my last summer vacation while walking in the beach, it helped a lot!

In the end, we reached the mirageAnd it became our realityThe scary desertBecame the ocean with our blood, sweat and tearsBut why is there this fearIn between the happiness?Because we know too well that this place is really a desert

FACE YOURSELF: DONT LEAVE ME

I don’t really relate to the lyrics but oh my god, the vocals are insane. It’s the kind of music I would use for a soundtrack of something really emotinal and strong.

If only I could rewind time and start over                                                                 You cry between the shadow and light

LOVE YOURSELF TEAR: SO WHAT 

This was harder because I’m still listening to this album a lot and discovering about how each song makes me feel. I have a soft spot for Paradise and Magic Shop too, but so what is the song that I can relate myself in this moment of my life, just as 2!3! in 2016

Even if it’s dangerous on the borderLet’s just laugh and chat and split through the windSometimes, we can be foolish and just runEven with mistakes and tears, we just go

[bangtan-only]

BTS’ Love Yourself Poster Theories

Version 1 theory:

JK: “The day i want to go to that place, where my heart leads me to.”

Suga: “Don’t come closer, you will become unhappy”

Jimin: “I lied because i thought there was no way you would love someone like me.”

V: “Would you not have left me ? If i had made a different choice.”

Jin: “If i could turn back time, i want to be the best man in the world.”

 RM: "It’s not the right time now, i am going to watch you only from behind.“

 J-hope: “If you can shine. I am okay.”

If i made it into a short story:

 That was the day i want to go to that place, where my heart leads me to. Yet, i hope you don’t come closer, don’t come with me because you will be unhappy. So, I lied to you to keep you away, because i thought there was no way you would love someone like me. I was glad you stayed away but I sometimes wonder, would you not have left me ? If i had made a different choice. If i could turn back time, i want to be the best man in the world for you. However, it is too late, is not the right time now, so i am just going to watch you only from behind. As long as you can shine, i will be okay.

Moral of the story:

BTS were torn between their choices.

If i relate it back to BST MV (Final Jin Scene)

“Man muss noch Chaos in sich haben, um einen tanzenden Stern gebären zu können” :You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.

The chaos is the inability to make a choice/decision. (Read my BST theory)

Version 2 theory 

Love yourself is the continuation of BTS I Need you & Run era! (My fav eras!)

 I need you & run & spring day MV + lyrics + analysis

“Why do i fall in love and say goodbye alone?  Why do I need you again although I know that i am gonna be hurt?” (I need you  lyrics are BOLD)

+

“ Curse me, this foolish destiny!  You make me cry cry, Love is a lie lie, Don’t tell me bye bye” (Run lyrics are italicized)

+

“I Miss you.” (Spring day lyrics have normal font)

Suga: “Don’t come closer, you will become unhappy” 

I will stop, I don’t want you anymore

Please get out of here.

Just burn me out, yes.

Keep pushing me away.

Yes, i hate you. You who left me.

I will erase you because it hurt less then resenting you.

- 

Suga is sitting in a tunnel and with dressing very similar with i need you era. This emphasises on the fact tha it is really a continuation of I need you! So remember this quote: “ There’s light at the end of every tunnel” which matched BTS theme of “Love youself”. Suga is still stuck in his past and unable to move on, if he finally gets himself up, he would be able to love himself.

Question is: Would he be able to do it? 

I am waiting for the MV

V: “Would you not have left me ? If i had made a different choice.” I’m sorry (I hate u) I love you (I hate u) Forgive me

Memories are crumbling like dried flower leaves

How much more do I have to wait? How many more nights do I have to stay up? Until I can see you? Until I can meet you?

You know it all, you are my best friend

-

V is definitely related to the run era because look at the puddles around him and river behind him. Remember his drowning scene in Run and prologue?

His reflection is seen in the water and his buddy all along was namjoon and namjoon solo song was titled “reflection” coincidence? i think not.

RM: "It’s not the right time now, i am going to watch you only from behind.“

It goes round & round, why do I keep coming back Whatever I do, I can’t help it It’s definitely my heart, my feelings but why don’t they listen to me please, I’ll treat you well

It’s too late, too late, I can’t live without you

Seeing each other for once is now so hard between us.

- 

Namjoon is definitely related to spring day. (Spring day train scene)

Remember V’s starting scene is spring day?

The train that namjoon was on left (RM poster)  and V took in the last memories of him by leaning against the railway. If V had made a different choice, would namjoon have stayed?

Namjoon had to go, so he promised he would watch V only from behind.

Jin: “If i could turn back time, i want to be the best man in the world.” Girl please rather say me goodbye

I don’t have the courage 

Let me not go back ever

Please stay there a little longer

-

Jin is alone like usual, his background is a garden. Remember in run era he was the only one wearing shoes in the grass and in wings era he was the only one not wearing shoes. He is dead, and if he could turn back time he would be the best man in the world for his friends (He was the cause of the separation of BTS members) > Read my theory on Spring Day.

Usually, their concept photos would be at the same area but for love yourself, they were all separated. > Read my theory on Spring day concept photos.

Jimin: “I lied because i thought there was no way you would love someone like me.” 

I can’t help it.

This is all i can do anyway

All i know is how to love you

But i can’t really let you go yet.

-

Jimin is related to his short flim : lies > Read my theory so i don’t have to explain again.

He was associated with rain, water throughout the eras. He now have an umbrella to block these away suggesting that he is finally able to love himself? No longer trapped in the expectations of others > (Read my theory on lies to understand)

“There’s a rainbow after every storm.”

JK: “The day i want to go to that place, where my heart leads me to.”

Let’s run run run again! It’s okay to fall  Let’s run run run again! It’s okay to get hurt

I am chasing butterflies, so lost in dreams

Show me the way, please stop me.

I’ll be there to see you

I’ll come for you

-

Jungkook is obviously in i need you era, i am guessing you all know about his accident scene so i won’t explain it.

J-hope: “If you can shine. I am okay.”

It’s alright even if i can’t have you (J-hope didn’t sing this part but this lyrics was shown on his scene.)

-

J-hope is related to young forever, with the plane and fence.

I am guessing J-hope is able to love himself after trying to protect the members thus, his carefree self.

Extra:

“I’ll see you.”

“I’ll get back to you.”

“I don’t want you to leave me alone”

Somebody coined this from the poster so my interpretation is that the boys are gonna be reunited after separating.

-

Summary

The boys are trying to love themselves, some have done so, yet some are still trying. J-hope, Jimin and Jungkook look up because they have found a reason to do so, found a reason to love themselves after all the ordeals they faces in the previous era. Taehyung, Suga, Jin look down because they are still trying to find a reason to love themselves.

Namjoon on the other hand, looks just right in front of him, neither up or down.This is because he knew what loving himself meant, but he also know that just loving yourself is not enough, there will be times we would hate ourselves and there are people who hate us: “I wish i could love myself.”

He knew he can love himself, but what happens after that?

The bliss of loving oneself is merely temporary.

*To really understand my theories, please read my previous theories or you might not get it!

A/n: This is purely based on my own opinion so do not bash me about it.

Feel free to share your ideas and thoughts with me! Or ask me questions about my theories!

Lastly, take out with full credits.

-J.L

[toxic-suga]

1, 4, 10, 12, and 13 for the BTS ask thing! :)

Sorry sorry sorry this is like a week late but I never got the alert for an ask?? Tumblr why do you do this to me. But yeah, anyway, thank you for asking! So, here we go:

1.My BTS bias

Oh boy okay so like, it’s Yoongi. But it used to be Taehyung. But the 21st Century Girls comeback live stage murdered me and Yoongi shot me his stupid little gummy smile and- well, that’s when I started to stan Yoongi, the little shit. I’m sorry Tae. You’re still my number two. Namjoon is my solid number three, my bronze boy, and the rest- *eyes Hobi and Kookie* alright okay I’m a Bangtan ho but who isn’t alright rip

4. My favourite BTS MV

Oh…oh…shit, okay, well when I first got into BTS I was really in love with Boy In Luv? Tae’s growly voice was nice and it’s just- it’s nice. Then I discovered Save Me so…yeah, Save Me is my favorite. Honorable mentions is the whole I Need U/Run and everything else in that whole concept ‘cause it’s A+++

10. My favourite fandom joke

“My heart- my heart is- oh my god” I don’t know if that qualifies as a ‘fandom joke’ but a lot of my Hobi posts usually have that as a tag because that boy- fucking bias wrecking all my shit I can’t with him. Oh yeah, and the “I’ll sue you Min Yoongi!” that thing, I love it a lot. Congrats to her for getting married recently.

12. My favourite BTS friendship (within the group)

Um…Jungkook and Namjoon? Maybe? I just really love the fact that Kookie idolizes him so much and respects him and that he joined BigHit because of Namjoon and just- *clutches chest* I can’t with them. Jin and Jimin is nice too OH AND JIN AND KOOKIE. Age difference? What age difference? They’re all children. I love OT7 friendship okay, I love them all. Yoongi and Hoseok too- Sope oh my god it’s great and- okay yeah I love them, I love them all.

13. My favourite rapmon quote

*softly* don’t…

I can’t answer this. There’s so many good quotes. Namjoon is- Namjoon is an inspiration alright, he’s my role model, he’s a light in the darkness that you wish upon. But if I had to choose…the only thing coming to mind is during the relatively recent vlive where he was in his Ryan pajamas and he was talking about what his teacher said to him? With the trees and branches?

I had to go look it up and it’s long so bare with me, this is under a read more because it got…hella long:

[in Korean]

“I have a teacher who counsels me and helps me with what I feel. I call him Mr. Ju. I’m not sure if he’s watching this but he always tells me this. I go on and on because I have a lot on my mind. I talk for an hour at the cafe. The teacher listens to my stories, and when I ask, ‘Am I a weirdo? Am I thinking too many useless things?’ Some people say that I have too much on my mind for nothing and some people say that I’m immature, but my teacher told me this. There might be some people like me out there, so let me tell you this too.

“My teacher told me that having so many thoughts at the age of 23 is not weird. Since your thoughts put out branches and it hurts and makes you confused but you’ll be in your 30s one day. My teacher is in his 40s. When you’re in your 30s and 40s the branches will be pruned and become a very large tree. That consoled me a lot although it may not mean anything. I’m sure there are people like me out there. Having a lot on mind and thinking more about everything than others. Thinking that I’m the weird one. I think some of you might be like me. Consider it as branches of your young days, of a young tree. It will be an experience. Of course it will hurt. You’ll have to go through a lot and pruning will hurt. But after time, it will be a great tree. I hope that each of you could be a great tree. Trees have names. I’m not sure if they have meanings as well. As trees have names, I’m sure that you all have great names and meanings. I’d like to say this in English.

[in English]

“Okay, so I saw that there’s no subtitle for this, uh, replay and for the Wings behind I felt really sad about the song. Now I’m saying that, you know there are a lot of people who are watching this V and there are a lot of youth and young people who feel like, ya know, they’re stra– like the song, Am I Wrong, am I… “Am I too thoughtful, or am I having too many thoughts in my mind, too loud of uh, I mean too much chaos in my mind. Is… am I the only person who thinks like this?” Think too many times and again and again…really sometimes this way. And, ya know, but what I could see is that so many people in the word right now feel the same thing. I think that can be named after like ya know chaos or youth or many things. I just want to say that a teacher told me that, uh, you know in your 20s, you have so many thoughts that’s like branches in a tree. If my brain were a tree, there are so many branches. There’s sadness, there’s desperation, devastation…there’s happiness, hope, everything. But, uh, when you get old, it gets cut and, ya know, and when it gets the shape of a tree we have to feel pain and experience many things. For the time. But after that in your 30s and 40s, if you got so many branches in your 20s, and you feel sad and sometimes you get lost, like I said in the song, if you get lost, maybe you, some day you will finally be a really beautiful tree. In your 30s and 40s. I sometimes meet some really good and cool…I don’t know the word, but old people. They’ve got so…they’ve got the attitude, ya know, like they’ve experienced so many things. So…maybe one day we can have that. Some day.”

Okay that’s it. Now, why is this my favorite quote? Short answer, it’s not, but it is a quote that really hit home for me. Long answer…well, like Namjoon said, there are people out there in the word like him that question everything instead of others because, yeah, I’m not the most…thoughtful when it comes to other people but I’m always questioning my place in the universe, what it means to be here, why my actions really matter and if I should even do anything because I’m just an absent speck in the vastness of the universe so why do my actions and achievements really mean anything? It’s a very…existential crisis type of mindset and its…nice, I guess, to see that he has those thoughts to? But then the quote by his teacher is also…I can take solace in it? That yes things are really questionable and unsure right now but that I can look back on it when I’m older from a better place, thing’s like that I guess. I dunno, this got really introspective and deep (as with most things when we bring up any of Namjoon’s speeches, fuck) but shit man, I don’t know. I just love BTS so much and Namjoon…like I said before, Namjoon’s an inspiration. He’s a person worth striving for. Shit I’ve got all teared up I just love that man so much oh my god I should’ve just went with “you got no jams” jokingly like I was gonna in the beginning holy shit man. Also, sorry for taking like a week to respond to this again, I didn’t even notice it in my inbox rip.

[kpoptrashreactions]

Golden Foreigner

CHAPTER 1: The Beginning

“AGAIN!”, someone screamed. You stared into the foggy mirror you couldn’t feel any body part. Aching pain shot through out your nerves as you tried to start the routine again.

“Did I not make myself clear the first time? I said AGAIN.”, your dance instructor stared deep into your eyes and made a threat.

“Do you really think you’re ready to be a kpop star? I’LL CANCEL YOUR FLIGHT TO KOREA RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON’T START AGAIN.”

He was hard on you but it was for the best. You couldn’t practice with your members since you were so far away. Your mom wanted you to say and finish the semester before leaving and you would record and learn the choreo by yourself until then. It was torture, you wanted to become close with your members. How were you suppose to do that when you're stuck across the world. They were so much older than you. Levi 23, Judy 21, and you only 15. You would talk to them everyday through texting or facetime but it didn’t feel the same. You would leave tomorrow but it felt like forever and the pain you were going through wasn’t helping.

“Alright I think that’s enough.” You sat down on the couch and drank some ice cold water.

“Hey you did good today, don’t get so mad because I yelled at you it's only for the best. At least you’ll get plenty of rest on the plane am I right?” You laughed and your instructor punched you in the back.

“There’s that smile. Are you excited for tomorrow?” He stood up. “SEOUL KOREA! Doesn’t that have a nice ring to it? Hey but don’t miss me too much ok?” You smiled back at him.

“What makes you think i’ll miss you?”

“Come on don’t be that shady to me.” He sighed. “I know it's gonna be hard for you at first being so young being so far away from California, your family, but you’ll do fine. Have fun for me ok? I swear if I text you and you leave me on read i’ll fly to Korea myself.” He stood up handed you your bag and gave you a hug.

“I’ll see you soon kid.” He messed with your head and you walked out the door into your mom’s car.

“How was practise?” You stared out the window and watched the street lights go by.

“Good.”

“Did you say by to all your friends yesterday?”

“Ya Sam cried.” Your mom laughed.

“Ahh I always knew that girl was a cryer.” You looked back at your mom.

“That’s gonna be you tomorrow you know.” You smiled at her and when you looked into her eyes then were flooded with tears.

“I don’t want my baby to go but it's for the best.”

“Awe mom don’t cry now.” She laughed under her tears.

“No it’s fine that means I won’t totally embarrass myself tomorrow when you leave.”  You both laughed and cried the rest of the way home.

You stared blankly at the ceiling as you laid in bed. You thought about all the things that could happen. Your dream would finally came true and it didn’t seem like reality. You soon faded away from the real world and went into the land of dreams.

You got out of the van with your family behind you. All these flashes and people were before you. Everyone already knew who you were because Big Hit had released all the member and mv teasers and you were to debut in a week.  

“Y/N!” One person shouted you turned around.

“Y/N! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!” You looked into the other direction, you soon got dizzy. Once inside you were in front of the escalator that lend up to the LAX airport luggage check. People continued to take pictures as your parents tightly hugged you. You tried not to cry but suddenly dug your head into your father’s chest and let the tears flow.

“We’ll miss you! Don’t forget to call us when you get there ok?” You nodded your head and looked at your parent’s faces one more time. It would be awhile until you saw them again.

(In Korean)

“Y/N are you ready to go?” You turned around to look at your manger. Both of you rode up the escalator and you couldn’t looked back at your parents or else you would start to cry again. Off to Korea we go to start a new beginning.

Everything was so bright and everyone was getting up while your manager woke you up.

(In Korean)

“Wow look at you, you almost slept the whole plane ride.”

“Lets just say I worked extra hard yesterday.” Your manager laughed and got up to get your bag. Both of you walked outside to where you would get picked up and you were surprised by what you saw in front of you. Both of your members were standing there waving at you with a sign that said “Welcome to Korea Golden Foreigner!!!”. All the fansites started taking pictures of the sign. This was a name people gave you as you were good at almost everything and “Golden Maknae” was already taking by Jungkook. Everyone and their grandmother knew you by that name even your teaser said “Y/N_Golden Foreigner_”. Your members ran up to you and hugged you tightly as you met in person for the first time.

(In English)

“Ah you’re even prettier in person!!!”

“I know right! She looks so small on screen but in person you're amazing!!!” They’re accent were so strong in person. Levi was from Australia and Judy was straight from Great Britain. You were all foreigners and were a big deal not only for that but also since BTS was so popular having Big Hit debut a new girlgroup was exciting.

“Oh but we need to tell you something.” Levi said Judy looked at you with a worried face.

“I hope you brought some clothes to dance in because CEO Bang Si-Hyuk wants us to take you to the SM building where you’ll have a monthly evaluation.” What? You couldn’t even have five minutes to relax before being under stress. What were you gonna perform with? What song would you sing? Questions spinned through your head as you felt like you were going to have a mental break down.

“Ah why at the SM building? That place just screams suffering idols once you walk in.” Judy said as a way to calm you down.

“Well not to scare Y/N or anything but YG and the SM CEO will be there too.” Your eyes shot at both at them. Were they being serious? Why did they have to be there? There was no need for other CEOs to be there.

“I don’t know who else is gonna be there but we better get going. Namjoon just texted me they’re expecting you soon and their ready.”

“OH MY- WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WHAT AM I GOING TO-” Judy slapped some sense into you.

“Hey! You’ll do fine. Just do what you normally do and bring your best songs that you can do. I know you can dance to “We are BulletProof Pt.2” like a beast and I know you sing Ariana Grande songs like and angel so you have nothing to worry about ok? We’ll be right there with you.” All of you rushed into the car as you went through your suitcase and found some shorts and a crop top hoodie. You got out of the car and stood before the SM building. It was the biggest building you have ever seen. The members pushed you into the building towards the nearest bathroom. You walked out and the members nodded in approval. They guided you to the room everyone was in. So many stairs and hallways it looked like a maze in here. Levi opened the door and you all bowed once you stood back up you saw the audience. BTS, Red Velvet, EXO, some Super Junior members and oddly enough the SM Rookies, boys and girls. Gosh there are so many. Technically it was NCT U and soon NCT 127 but same thing. They all stared at you as you member had to somehow forcefully pushed you to move forward.

(In Korean)

“Yes! Theres my golden foreigner!!!” Bang Sik-Hyuk said with a wide smile on his face. You bowed and he just laughed.

“No need to bow just show your amazing talent as you always do!” He smiled again. Levi grabbed your face so your foreheads were touching. She whispered to you.

(In English)

“Just do what you always do ok? Don’t focus so much on all the people just have fun and you’ll do fine.” They walked away and Judy turned around to look at you.

“Fighting!”

You felt as if your heart was going to burst right out of your chest. Nerves crept all over you as if you couldn’t move.

(In Korean)

“Let’s do dance first.” Your CEO was serious now and it was scary, you didn’t even want to look at the others on the panel. You nodded your head and took one deep breath then got into position. The music started playing and your body moved with the bass. You didn’t even have to think about what you were doing it was a natural instinct by now. Dancing was your passion. You kept making the best facial expressions at everyone like how BTS did in there music video. It was almost towards the dance break, you were tired but not tired enough. You could heard you instructors voice in the back of your head.

(In English)

“LAST PART GIVE IT ALL YOU GOT!” And that’s what you did. YOu dance like you never did before showing your impressive moves proving your name and why you were an idol. You did the last pose, the music stopped and everyone clapped sand screamed so loudly. Then they started laughing you looked into the mirror at your confused and surprised face from all the cheering. You look over at your CEO and wrote down on a piece of paper smiling and nodding in approval. As you looked over to the other members you saw the SM Rookies. Their faces were priceless and were covered in shock and amazement, but they haven’t heard your signing yet. You planned on singing “The Way” by Ariana Grande.

(In Korean)

“You plan on doing whistle notes for me today? I look forward to it.” Bang Sik-Hyuk nodded in approval again then the music started. You sang normally and soulfully as you always do. People were always impressed by your abilities because you were so young. In a flash it was already the end of the song and you were ready to hit your whistle notes. Breath and go for it. You hit those notes like you did them in your sleep.The song beat soon faded off and you stopped singing. You stepped forward again looking at the whole panel waiting for the harsh comments. Big Hit went first.

“Y/N you were beyond my expectation yet again, this time I have no criticism to give you. You’re ready to debut next week. I think everyone up here agrees right?” Everyone nodded even the audience watching you. You smiled to the floor full of happiness. “Alright good I’m hungry. Let's go eat!” Everyone stormed toward you. The members came up and hugged you so tightly telling you, you did a great job.

(In Korean)

“Hey looks like I finally got someone younger than me!” Jungkook looked down at you and he pushed your shoulder you pushed him back smiling. Soon everyone walked away after saying their compliments and it was just you and your members. Levi poked you on the shoulder and pointed behind you.

(In English)

“What?” You turned around standing in front of you was NCT’s Mark.

“Hey you did great today.” A smiled formed on his face. You looked at him carefully, you never heard him speak english before. He was so handsome and taller than you imagined. Judy interrupted your dreamland.

“Hey! Say thank you, you’re so rude.” You snapped back into reality and looked back at him again.

“Thanks” He laughed a bit then spoke again.

“You looked so cool! You need to teach me how to dance like that sometime.”

“Oh ok, ya sure.” you stuttered a bit and probably looked dumb and confused because he couldn’t stop laughing.

“Ok. Promise?”

“Um promise” He nodded his head, bowed to Levi and Judy then walked away back to his members. How were you going to see him again?

[wonhuis]

hank u! i got a 5 lol, so everything is good for now. Rn i’m studyin english, like in depth but a few years ago I was studying literature and philosophy and since i did 3 (almost 4) years i didn’t want to lose all that work but i didn’t take some finals so they sent me a mail telling that i needed at least one okay. i loved exo m but my bias is chanyeol lol, i think both cheol and him can be very loud sometimes (most of the time!) and i love that 1/? 🍰-sss

and i don’t follow nct a lot so i can’t give u an answer. such mood! rn i’m listening to some horror stories (podcast style) ah yes, some songs are meh, i really liked the reve festival day 1 (most of the songs). i hope u can be able to play gta soon, it’s a old game but i love stealing cars(? i started to watch it, so far so good but i’ll give u my final review when i finish it. 2/? 🍰-sss

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST! i love love love that anime, both versions. 2003 one has a special place in my heart. ahhh all of those are really amazing ones! i remember ouran was one of my firsts mangas. currently i’m trying to collect the yu yu hakusho ones. kyoukai no kanata is still my fav anime, i remember i watched it in one day before my sociology final lmao. and then the movie! i wanted to make a svt/knk kind of edit but im lazy! 3/? 🍰-sss

jun’s pink/lilac hair was iconic!! such a good look, his whole aes in clap era had such a strong energy

reposters have no respect, unfortunatelly a lot of people that are into social media just want numbers but they don’t even work hard for them. bc alright u care abt the amount of followers u have, at least do smth to earn that. but no, they just steal bc it’s the easier way, honestly such a disgusting move. gfx, gifs, fanarts, etc take effort, talent and time. it’s really sad that some people don’t appreciate that, damn a lot of them sound like ignorants 5/6 🍰-sss

(reminds me of when my great aunt told me literature wasn’t a valid major to choose, smh. not everybody want to be a lawyer karen). !!! the foot fetish omg jfbsdfs. and don’t worry! hahah i luv ya, we can ramble and share our hate towards twitter. how is your weekend going so far?? 6/6 🍰-sss

yayyy, that’s great!!! i’m happy for u 💕💕 ohh i get it! i’m glad u could do well on this one then!! CHANYEOL! YES! A HAPPY BOY!! u cant write chanyeol without cheol so that’s cute LMAO and yessss they’re both rlly loud!!! god i love chanyeol but i can never see him next to baekhyun without feeling anxious bc of the shippers lmao right now not as much as a few years ago but i still got the trauma lol and!! idk if u know but noses are my fave thing ever right and chanyeol has one of my fave noses in kpop i love it :/// i used to cry about his nose as much as i cry about vernon’s now lmao 

oh i don’t remember if i actually listened to the albums lmao idk but sometimes if i dont like the title track i feel rlly unmotivated to listen to the whole album :/ also what did u think about psycho? to me it kinda felt the same as umpah umpah like i enjoyed the song but it kinda sounded more like a b track? also as i was listening to it and watching the mv it reminded me a lot of an ending song? like not an anime ending sort of song but like a goodbye song if it makes any sense lmao like goodbye by 2ne1 or lonely by sistar idk wHY BUT the album actually has the word finale in it and i was actually shocked to see it but it made sense in my head lmao

stealing cars is amazing but i actually like it more to punch random people on the street :/ i have anger issues and sometimes i do wish i could do that irl but i CANT so i do it in the game lmao also shooting random ppl god i LOVE it, love me some violent games where i can do whatever i want and then pretend i’m sane irl LMAO

fma is my fave thing in the world after my cats and maybe tied with pjo i LOVE that anime/manga and you’re completely RIGHT the 2003 version is just as good the 2009 ver supremacists are wrong bc both versions are amazing and they complement each other really well!! oh ur so brave to try collecting a whole manga lmao like it’s my DREAM but i only have bits and pieces of some of them bc i mostly buy them second handed

KYOUKAI NO KANATA I LOVEEEE, did i mention it on my list or did i forget? either way i LOVE that anime, i’ve watched it so many times it’s one of my absolute faves!! also i’m rlly sad there’s absolutely no english translation for the light novel i think? i searched a few years ago and couldn’t find anything, i’d love to read it even if i don’t usually read light novels lmao and god i fully support you and ur gfx idea but i do understand 100% about being too lazy to do it lmao i’ve had a gfx idea i wanted to do for the longest time but i’ll be SO hard and it’ll take me so much time i’m just zzzzzzz lmao

god jun in clap era was rlly something!! the hair, the outfits, the earring, ahhh i miss it lmao

reposters can just fuck off honestly lmao and yeah!! i’m rlly grateful my mother always allowed me to do whatever i wanted to when it comes to college so i never had that problem, but i’m rlly sad about every artist who got told that art isn’t a “real job” or stuff like that, same with stuff like literature/philosophy/sociology like some professions get sooo neglected it’s sad :/ 

also i do wanna thank you for letting me ramble and never complaining about it bc my friend (the only friend i talk to, in fact) always tells me that if he were u he wouldn’t read half the things i write lmao and he does indeed NOT read half the things i tell him lmao bc like i talk a lot and ramble a lot but not everyone is like this so i’m sorry if i’m making u talk more than u are used to but also thank you for doing so akdjnfsd

and my weeked was pretty ok i think? i dont rlly remember what i did, might have just slept a lot lmao but i don’t have any complaints either! what about yours??

also i’m going to the beach for a couple of days with my friends this week so i’m exciteddd i love the beach and i was sad thinking i wouldn’t go anymore, it’ll be for 3 or 4 days only but that’s already something!!

[survivorelara]

Episode #15: “what fucking blog?” - Sam

a close second is another Sam quote, “is he not from london”

oh kori…. you fell right into the trap my guy. you better win that fic....

Final 4, wow, who'da thunk I'd find myself here? I've never been this far before in any ORG, so doing the Rites of Passage is a bit surreal for me. I probably flopped at it, but maybe I didn't... I don't know. XD

I'm just so happy to have come this far, Loris claimed in his exit words that I'm winning, not sure if that's true or not, but I'm certainly hopeful that's for sure. I've put in a lot of work, so I hope to see some results though even getting this far is huge for me.

I'm still not sure what F3 configuration would be the best for me. I've been considering Me Roxy and Sam just because it might be more fun, they are the two people I worked with the most in this game, though I'm unsure because it's honestly a tad difficult to gauge how this Jury feels. They could be bitter against Roxy or it could have mellowed into admiration or at the very least respect. Ci'ere is also hard to place because of his relationships, and I question if he'd be bitter, or not if I voted him out, and if he isn't who he'd vote for. Alternatively if I take him to the end who does he have on the jury and who does he not have, difficult for sure.

Well, I'm totally flopping the challenges so far, I ruined Endurance because I didn't read it wasn't due til 8PM Saturday. (I could have started on Friday and gotten a crazy high time, but I fucked it up thinking this was all due within 24 hours like normal... I might have thought twice if I had ever been to F4 which I should've remembered is a multi-day affair.)

And the Maze, I mean anyone could do as badly as I did, but I doubt they will, it'd be tough to not beat my score.

I'm not confident in my knowledge of the players given I didn't know half of them, and the mystery challenge is well... a mystery.

The only one I feel like I could be good at is the Flash game... BUT IT WON'T LOAD.

Needless to say this is likely to be my worst F4 challenge performance. So I'm gonna have to up the charm, and hope Ci'ere doesn't win since I think they are the best person for me to pitch going instead of myself. (Also because I think their odds of winning is the highest between the other 3.)

Well I finally finished all the challenges, and I was a total flop for the most part, but everyone keeps saying they're flopping too, so who knows. I'm hopeful Sam got first in the Maze and Roxy got first in Endurance, since those were my weak areas, and I want to vote Ci'ere out.

Also with an even spread like that it raises my odds of winning this challenge. Though if Ci'ere totally killed all these challenges I'm probably dead AF.

Since I have no doubt if Ci'ere is safe Roxy is voting me, and Sam might even consider it too though I'd be willing to tie it for him in a similar scenario.

I just can't believe I've come so far, and I don't know if I'm gonna make it all the way despite all my effort, and it kills me to think that. I just hope I get a chance to plead my case to the jury, even if I lose I just want to actually make a FTC.

And gg y'all kori probs just won the season. That's literally the one thing that couldn't have happened

hi so uh I could die here, but im trying my fucking hardest to make it to ftc. I was just really busy these last few days and couldn't put in full effort on the fic which caused kori to win. and now it seems like the vote is between me and ci'ere. the vote originally was gonna be kori but ofc he won fic so here we are... on the edge of my seat trying my best to not get final juror again. I s2g if I get final juror in back to back orgs im actually gonna just get drunk and fuck a dude

so ive got kori on my side who's gonna vote ci'ere with me, which is good because that at least guarantees me a tiebreaker chance. Right now though im tryna convince roxy to vote him as well instead of me because I could easily lose the tiebreaker challenge and not make ftc which would be devastating. Because the thing is, as much as I feel kori has a strong shot at winning this game, I feel I can work some magic and maybe turn this thing around to get me the win, but I gotta get to ftc first

Everyone knows they can beat roxy so shes the deciding vote on if ciere goes or if we are going to a tiebreaker. Ive been talking to her all day now tryna spit facts and lies into her head to get her to change her mind. she fears that if she votes ciere out that she wont get his vote, but I told her straight up if that's what shes worried about and I go on the jury then I wont vote for her either, so now she has no incentive to put me on the jury except if im a bigger threat for her or whatever. I mean lets be real, this is gonna be a very bitter jury. and most of that hate will be directed at me. roxy fears we played similar games but I told her straight up if im there with her, ill receive most of the jury's hate which could be a shield for her and maybe have the jury see her game more since people will probably only vote kori because he isn't as hated. he hasn't played a bad game but he's been a gamebot all game and only played alright, I feel I played great but have to own up to everything and swallow my ego and let the jury know how bad I feel or whatever and let them yell at me. roxy isn't winning, those are the facts. but I need her to vote ciere so I can get to ftc and try and beat kori.

so im just gonna keep bullshitting and say I can be her meatshield in terms of hatred being thrown at us and hope ciere gets final juror instead over me. but one way or another, roxy aint winning lol

jesus Christ roxy just needs to understand she isn't fucking winning this game and should just give me a shot lmao. like some votes she MIGHT have over me can easily be taken away by ciere being there, and I told her that. im really fighting for this like fuck man I want to get to ftc again

HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP!

I WON THE FINAL CHALLENGE! I'm so fucking ecstatic I'm gonna be in the freaking finale. This is the hardest part though trying to know who to vote.

I'm leaning heavily voting out Ci'ere due to what I believe his jury connections are, but also because I think my game stands out more when I'm with Roxy and Sam due to their games being... well basically the same.

They both, ultimately voted out the person who idoled them, they both tended to lie excessively, they both never won a challenge, and there are more similarities as I go on.

I love everyone in this final 4 though, and it's been so amazing playing with all of them. I just hope I can pull out a win, taking Roxy and Sam could be a mistake as their games were ballsy and if the jury buries any ill will they could decide to award one of them the win and view me as a goat.

So far me and Sam are both voting Ci'ere, but Roxy has been a bit dodgy, so it might go to a tie, which while I'm not a fan of Ci'ere proceeding since I think he'll give me a run for my money, I think Sam would be a lock vote for me so that's a benefit there.

I'm still thinking about the trial ahead because I know this game isn't over, it's the final stretch and I've begun a strong finish, and I need to make sure I deliver at FTC. It's my first one, and I would hate to blow it.

Dani: everyone more or less voted dani. Ciere caused chaos and had his name thrown about . One of drew h or t leaked to him. Probs drew h. Who led on dani? It started with john? He wanted ciere out I think. Dylan: this was kori's move but only on the surfave. I told kori to get drew t into the plan cause he originally complained about dyl been not rlly there but it sort of  ended up with him wanting to protect dyl as a free agent. Me and Dylan were close but I still let myself cut him because I formed an alliance with emma and andrea and promised her id never betray her this game and I sorta wanted to take emma to the end but who didnt. Me and sam were contemplating things but he didnt make us flip or vote the way we did. Sam I think was already on that side tho so not rlly middle. Ciere voted emma?? Minority tryna get a revati out. John: apparently kori came up with john first but I wanted him out the previous vite to weaken the drews so theyd depend on me nn emma and andrea brought him up. There was a plan to couter it by going after andrea I think or mv it was emma but again  I was with andrea and emma so I told rm I already voted john when I didnt to make a dumb excuse why I couldn't vote with em nn. Sam voted john along with the revatis  ciere tagged along I recon still wanted a revsti out. Drew t. Apparently kori pushed for him and loris and andrea sorta messy if u ask me. This vote was me and ciere I recon. Although it was andrea vrs drew so I wanted to protect andrea again sigh but also we wanted to seperate sam and drew t.  Kori voted andrea or drew t mb drew t. Andrea and sam did ciere. Sam got outplayed here I recon. Ciere voted drew t too but left the decision to me so? Emma. She played her idol on me. My one regret was not getting her to idol herself but I doubted ciere a bit too much and was too stressed from the final count down to think it over. We also didnt eexpect everyone to flip on emma on the revote. Same just tagged along and ciere's plans failed but ultimately they got emma out. Drew h: I wish here I told andrea of the probability of them voting her out so we coudve voted loris out then and there like a blindside. Sam just went along and ciere voted with his probable f2. Andrea. Loris and kori betrayed her here. Ciere and sam also. Loris: sam betrayed him badly to save me and ciere msnaged to lie his ass iff to get that idol played on sam. I had two ppl risk themselves to keep me. Probs cause theyI look down on my game and think they can beat me.

it is now an hour before we have to vote and i still have no clue who to vote.

but  i think im leaning towards voting ciere at this point?

Sam loses the tiebreaker after a 2-2 vote and is the final member of our jury.

Jesus Day 39. Never thought I'd actually be sitting here.

There's so much buzzing around in my mind. But at this point there isn't any strategic words I can really say, the F3 is officially set, all GAMING per say is over. Now all there is left to do is rock out a fantastic speech for why I should win. (I hope I'm capable of that.)

This game has been such a mental and emotional roller-coaster and I'm just so happy to have been a part of it and to now be experiencing something so new.

Regardless of how this ends, I know that I'm happy with how this turns out, and I definitely learned a lot in this game that I'll carry into future ORGs that I play. I hope I surprised some people, I'm proud of how I played since it carried me here.

Gonna turn in for the night, probably confess for the last time in the morning. <3

Moments before FTC.

I've got my speech ready I think. I'm hopeful anyway. Crazy to think this will be my last confessional of the season.

I wanna thank the hosts for giving me such a great experience, I'm so happy this game happened to me the way that it did. I hope I win but even if I dont I still think I accomplished much, and I'm proud of how I did.

Day 39, this is Kori, signing off.

Last minute confessional because I haven't made one yet: I can't believe I made it to the end & I'm just glad I got to share my game at final tribal council. Do I think I played the best? No. I did what I could with what I was given & I did the mf'ing shiz. I fought for my Survivor life & made fire which I think is a pretty rad way to get here. I took out the wild straight white male who I think played a smashing game. I played how I wanted to & I had so much fun while doing so. Whether I win or lose, I'm proud of what I accomplished here & Elara is definitely not gonna be a game I'll forget. Thank you hosts for a bomb experience & for putting together a well run game~ WOOP WOOP

Well, it's the end now, I'll know soon if I won or if I'm runner up or 3rd.

I had an amazing time, and I'm sure reading back is sure to be interesting.

To anyone who's read my stuff, it may seem a little inconsistent or contradictory at times, it's usually due to a changed mindset or decision I make and forget to confess about, and for that I apologize to the viewers.

This has been an incredible experience I'm not gonna forget, and I'm glad to have gone through it with so many.

I just hope I get a single vote. xD

Kori wins Celestial: Elara in a 4-3-2 vote! Ci’ere came in 2nd and Roxy finished in 3rd.