#had books on the mind at age ONE and i'm like 'no way i'm autistic' 9 years ago when i first considered the possibility

[sublux]

one of the first three words i ever said was "book." ok hyperlexia

[dippable]

autism and media. spoilers for criminal minds, my hero academia, and dungeon meshi.

okay so, i'm an autistic person, and i've seen portrayals of autism (both implied and explicit) and they've had.. a range of quality overall.

in explicit examples, i've seen only a few. spencer reid comes to mind first- the autistic savant with an eidetic memory and a penchant for seeming robotic. i, personally, was heavily influenced by this guy- i did (and kind of still do) enjoy criminal minds after all. however, spencer's existence as one of the first explicitly autistic characters that was seen by a wider audience. the show was insanely popular, but in the later seasons (mainly after he was sent to prison) many of his autistic traits seem to fade away. of course, he is a traumatized man who was on high alert for a WHILE, but one would expect he wouldn't lose many of his core personality traits. personally, i think these were written out since his traits weren't seen as "popular", since autistic people can offend those they love or say the wrong thing on accident and it seemed too weird.

second, my hero academia. i don't think any of these characters are explicitly autistic, but i haven't watched in a while. mainly, i see deku and tamaki as autistic (although bakugo, aizawa, and shigaraki are.... suspicious) and i believe my views on these two are mainly influenced by the rest of the fandom, so here goes. overall, i think the characterization of these two lends itself directly to their emotional or anxious nature. most media i see with one or both of them severely dumbs them down to these traits, with tamaki getting the brunt of this treatment. most don't seem to remember that both of them are strong for their age, smart, and have faith in their quirks. even if tamaki might seem pessimistic about fights, he's just that- pessimistic. he's much more inclined to believe he'll lose because if he does, he's prepared to do what he can to help whoever comes after. deku is emotional, yes, but who wouldn't be? he's a teenager who's been told over and over again that he's a failure and he'll never achieve his dream, and suddenly, he's being helped by the #1 hero to become the person that he thought was unattainable. i think horikoshi's representation of them is alright, it's just mainly the fandom that compresses them into "uwu anxious cinnamon rolls too sweet for this earth" instead of remembering they're multifaceted characters, and damaging their own interpretations of real people in the process.

in dungeon meshi, i don't know if they're explicitly autistic (however laios and falin are HEAVILY HINTED AT so.) but the representation of autism here is incredible. in the series, we see laios fuck up with shuro (and, notably, we see the fandom sweep it under the rug because laios is white) while he has real, genuinely close relationships with others (marcille is like a sister to him, and chilchuck's his best friend) so we know he is a multifaceted character. he's also tied to the tendency of autistic people to be interested in fringe interests, or alterhuman circles. he thinks (like many others) that he's weird enough to people, so he throws all caution to the wind and goes all-in on being weird. i know that when i realized i was "too weird" for others, i just stopped caring, and that's how i got into many of my favorite things- like OFF, house of leaves, etc etc. if they thought i was weird then, i don't really want to know what they think i am now, especially since i'm out here playing obscure meta rpgs or reading books that require me to flip them around.

overall, i think the representations of autistic people in media have a long way to go. there is still a critical shortage of autistic poc in media, and many representations of autism are still influenced by the savant stereotype we see with spencer reid (see: the good doctor) and there's still a variety of symptoms that haven't been shown accurately yet. i'm very proud of where we've come, though- now, i can see an incredibly accurate portrayal of myself in laios, but there's still many autistic people who haven't seen someone they can relate to on the silver screen.

[mister-tom-a-dildo-lover]

Just a random thought I had.

I've been spending a lot of time recently going over what I know about myself and my behaviors and the way I have existed my entire life, and have been slowly coming to terms with the fact that I probably have undiagnosed Autism(and ADHD) and I will never have the money to get a proper diagnosis for this because being able to get to just a regular doctor is a luxury that I do not have.

As such, I have been putting all of my interests into perspective and thinking more clearly about the characters I like in the pieces of fiction I like and trying to draw similarities between them and how they behave, compared to me and how I behave.

This brought me to Tom Riddle, clearly. I've always been big into HP and it's influenced my fandom journey heavily. I've gotten into fandoms just because someone wrote a crossover with Harry Potter in their ship.

So, with that in mind, what is similar between me and Tom Riddle?

The special interests.

The obsession with collecting unique items.

The intense hyperfixation on his interests that causes him to monologue for ages about them in relation to himself.

Being exceptional at hiding how he really feels behind a mask to trick people into thinking he's normal like them.

Learning the right words to say to get by even if he thinks they're foolish or nonsensical.

Struggling with understanding emotions either from himself or others, and misconstruing what others are feeling based on his limited understanding.

Making his whole personality revolve around the Thing he's good at(Dark Magic).

Having no tolerance for other people because they cannot keep up with him.

Now that I am forced to come to terms with these things about myself, and even more things, thanks to a lot of help from others, I can't not review everything I'd ever shown interest in. Like, all of my favorite characters end up falling along the lines of depressed character, anxious character, or Autism-coded character. Or all 3 in a character. And I have all these issues and technically should be medicated for some but can't afford it.

And the thing is, I have considered similar characters to Tom, wondering if I'm projecting onto his type of character.

I like Hannibal, the TV show. My favorite character is Will Graham. And would you happen to know that he is depressed, anxious, and very Autism-coded? But the character in Hannibal, that Tom is most like, is actually Hannibal himself. And the ship for Hannigram feels very similar at times to the Harrymort ship, which is why a lot of people ship both.

But if I was to line Tom up beside Hannibal and consider what I know about both of them in relation to my undiagnosed Autism, Tom is the one who feels like he could be Autistic. Hannibal does not. Even with his special interests and masking and monologuing, and all their similarities on the Potentially Autistic List, Hannibal doesn't give me the same vibe. Will does, but not Hannibal.

So, I don't think this is me forcing the 'misunderstood Autistic villain trope' onto Tom. I think it's just that I've gained a new perspective on myself, and it has forced me to reevaluate everything I know about who I am and what I like and what draws me to those things in the first place.

It's kind of like how I liked Severus Snape as a character, long before I realized that I was depressed and that he was also depressed(I was 10 when I started the HP books). Like, the day I finally realized that I had depression(I was 17) and that wanting to kill myself and trying to are actually suicidal issues that I need help for, I thought of Snape. And a lot of things clicked.

Gaining a new perspective on yourself gives you new perspectives on everything else.

I am interested in pursuing these new thoughts in fanfic form in the future, ngl. And my reads of Tom going forward are going to be a lot more nuanced.

[autistic-duck]

(Very long post, sorry.)

I had an experience with a college professor last semester that really got me thinking about academics and ableism, specifically in college writing.

A few months ago, my class was having an open discussion, and I brought up an opinion that had been on my mind for a while.

I basically said, "There's a gap between college-level writing and the average person's reading level that we need to fill. Nobody should need to look up words every three seconds to understand a study that could affect their life, so we either need more people to rewrite these studies for the general public to understand, or these studies, in general, should be published with language that isn't so complicated."

My professor responded by saying something like, "Sure, that's a good goal. However, wouldn't a better goal be to raise the average person's reading level so that everyone can understand college-level writing?"

I (in my frantic and confused way) tried to bring up the fact that there are people born at a disadvantage in life. In fact, getting everyone to a perfect college reading level isn't a realistic goal. It certainly isn't for me, and I don't want it to have to be for other people. In fact, the professor who told me this also struggled to understand the chapters we were assigned to read in that class.

Really, it all comes down to this: college-level language is inaccessible.

Even more importantly, many people will never be able to understand most of the huge words thrown around in college writing.

At school, I am constantly told my writing style is "simple" and "easy to understand." This is something my classmates have told me isn't "bad" but just "different." However, I'm still insecure whenever someone mentions it because it is always pointed out. I use a smaller vocabulary, they seem to say, but don't worry. It's just a preferred writing style, they reassure me. They think the simple language is a choice I could stop at any time.

Well, what if it isn't just a "style"? What if I struggle to expand my vocabulary? Learning one new word takes me ages because I need to see it in all kinds of contexts. Even then, oftentimes "context clues" are no help, and I completely misinterpret the meaning of a word for years because it seems like every other native English speaker knew what it meant without needing to say it. A lot of the time I'll read the definition of a new word and instantly forget it after finishing the sentence it was in.

So yeah, I'll say it with pride: Simple words are powerful. Simple words are beautiful. And most importantly, simple words are not inferior in any way to words like "quintessential" or "expedient." (I have no idea what either of those words mean even though I've looked them up plenty of times and used them accurately in essays before.)

Simplicity is why I like shows meant for all ages better than shows meant only for adults. Because in shows that are written with children in mind, there aren't confusing messages you have to spend energy untangling. There aren't unnecessary analogies or feelings that are "implied" but never said. The characters' facial expressions and emotions are easy to read and the moments where I am confused are rare.

Now, this is all coming from an autistic person with low support needs. My reading comprehension score is considered slightly above average, and so is my problem-solving abilities which means I am lucky and I can understand a lot of what I read in college. The main point of this little "essay" was to point out a common conversation I despise hearing in college, the one about simple language and its implied inferiority.

Because guess what? Language is not accessible to everybody. Many of us, even those with high reading comprehension, struggle.

Our goal should never be to make everyone capable of reading college-level books and studies. That is asking for those who need accommodations to accommodate themselves, something I'm sure other disabled people are tired of having to do. Instead, the goal should be making college language more accessible, making knowledge accessible. After all, the reader is only a fragment of the conversation. The writer is the majority of it.

TLDR; Everyone deserves access to language and knowledge that makes sense, and bigger words never mean they are better.

[adamnablelittledevil]

hellooo I just saw your post about you agreeing more with vampire chronicles book opinions before you read them vs now, and because I’m messy: what kind of opinions/takes do you mean? care to spill the tea (if you feel like it)?👀👀😂

Hey. 😅 So keep in mind that I have read 8/13 TVC books + Pandora and am currently on Blackwood Farm. Opinions might change later on. This also will contain some spoilers...

So, there are many takes that I disagree with or even agree, but still believe things are way more layered so reducing it to a one-line sentence feels almost dishonest. But here are some:

P.S. I'm not trying to be mean, but whoever disagrees, please just ignore or block me if you want. I don't want this to become a discussion or debate. My only intention here is to answer a mutual, that's all.

I don't think Armand is this stereotyped one-dimensional classical villain. Sure, he's done awful things, but it's important to know the context. He was kidnapped, taken from his family, raped, traumatized to the point he had amnesia and prayed for God to let him die, had a weird grooming relationship with Marius, was attacked, kidnapped by the Roman Coven, saw many of his friends from Marius's palazzo (some were only 7) be killed in front of him, had their ashes thrown at him, was tortured, starved, then they threw his best friend for him to eat and at that point he was so dehumanized that he had dissociated and couldn't fully process what was going and who that was, was fully brainwashed... No wonder Armand was such a dark character, he's been brutalized and brainwashed from such an early age, then turned at 17 as an attempt to save his life (because someone got rejected and tried to murder him), is stuck in puberty which is already a hard time for people who live in privilege and comfort, now imagine how that is for someone that has been traumatized left and right for centuries, even when he was still human? And he's also highly autistic and BPD-coded, so to have all of that exacerbated once you become a vampire, it is no surprise he became a monster at some point (and I haven't even listed everything because this is already long enough). Still, I think he is Anne's most complex character so far and the one with most reasons to explain his actions. And yet he also has the best development, the journey he goes through on TVA is amazing. I've never seen a character grow that much.

Lestat doesn't "fall in love with everybody". Look, I get it's annoying to have Anne making him make out or have sex with basically everyone he meets, but that's just another proof of how he's terrified of being alone. He was abused by his family, even Gabrielle that was the best out of them, neglected him. Loneliness has always been his biggest fear even as a human. And he also isn't the best at separating romantic, platonic and familial love. That's why I believe he has so many "lovers". I get it's exhausting to have that happening on so many books, we could've had three cases and that would've been clear enough... But even with this satured trope, to say he "falls in love with everyone" feels reductive. It's way bigger than that.

That's also how I mostly feel about him and Gabrielle, I don't see it as something romantic or even that sexy, for me it was mostly his need to have someone. At that time, he was completely alone and then he turned Gabrielle and that was the only company he had. Same goes to her. And the whole time there were moments they referred to each other as mother and son... They basically tried to be each other's lover, parent/child, friend, ally etc and it obviously didn't work because you can't have one person playing all the roles in your life.

This isn't exactly something I disagree with, but I think it might be possible that Lestat behaves as a rape victim trying to recreate his trauma sometimes and that maybe another reason for him to 'offer' his body so much in insecurity. Because he was kept illiterate for so long, I'm not sure he considers his personality compelling enough to attract people.

That said, I don't see Nicki and Louis as the only people he had/has romantic feelings for either.

I don't find Gabrielle to be such a bad mother, or at least I don't consider it a bad thing, because it seems like she never wanted to be one to begin with. She did what she could with the reality she was forced into.

And Lestat also had his needs as a child because he didn't ask to be born... I see them both as victims of frustrating circumstances.

Marius is only happy when people agree with him, whenever someone shows a sign of personality he gets irritated, so I don't see this great, noble person he is supposed to be at all. And I'm yet to see him do something truly relevant. Maharet and Mekare are way more relevant, for example. So far he's unnecessary to me.

I don't think Armand is using the Spell Gift as much as people do. I don't even believe he's trying to seduce people without his powers. He is just that handsome and characters are obsessed with him. On TVA, his spirit leaves his body for a moment and he is literally surprised that he is actually as pretty as people say because he genuinely never understood their reactions to him? That's not a seductive person lmao, c'mon. He is just existing most of the time and people drool over Armand even when he's not around and just in their thoughts. The closest he does is masking his autism.

Lestat is the protagonist, yes, but mostly because he is the recurring narrator while others only appear once. On TVL, Part V and Part VII of the book are more about Armand and Marius (respectively) than Lestat, TQOTD had a bunch of characters for us to consider Lestat (the only) lead and for me Akasha and the twins played way bigger roles than him, Memnoch is mostly the devil having a monologue and Lestat just listening, on TVA, Merrick and Blood and Gold he doesn't have a POV and barely/doesn't appear at all, as far as I've been he doesn't have a POV on IWTV and Blackwood Farm either... Before reading the books I expected everything was mostly about him, but it's way more balanced than I'd anticipated.

Lestat wanting Gabrielle to present herself more feminine is more about still wanting her to look like his mother and gender envy than bigotry. But I don't have a problem with other gender nonconforming people seeing it that way either, because we're not a monolith. If some took it that way, it's completely valid and people need to respect that.

However, that's a shit situation for both sides and I wish Anne had fixed it. So far she hasn't and from what I've heard nothing changes in future books either.

The Devil's Minion chapter was really cool and that's not exactly disagreement, but I had the impression that would've stuck and it... didn't. I knew they break up at some point, but Armand barely talking about Daniel on TVA and the few times he did making the whole thing feel so doomed surprised me? Someone told me their endgame was more ambiguous than something crystal clear and now I'm confused?

I don't consider Dora an actual love interest for Lestat. I wouldn't even classify Gretchen as that and he actually slept with her.

David was awful on Merrick, yes, but on TTOBT he was basically the only one Lestat could count on?

Louis was a dick on that book. But so was Lestat so idk.

I don't get the whole "Lestat would never hurt Louis" thing because Lestat did attack other people he loves and burned Louis's house once? He raped a woman? He turned a close friend into a vampire against his will? I've read more than half of TVC and find it possible that he could explode and take it out on Louis tbh.

Nothing sexy about Akasha and Lestat, really. But she was cool for the role she played on the book.

Again, not exactly disagreement, but there are way other cool characters, relationships of all kinds and even interesting topics regarding Louis, Lestat, Armand and Daniel than just loustat and armandiel. It would be nice to see more posts about them too sometimes.

I don't see these books as a love story at all.

I don't even consider Anne Rice to be good at writing romantic moments, actually. When there's indeed good stuff, it feels more of a happy accident than anything.

The iconic backstage kiss was so random? That thing is way overrated. Loustat peaked at that quote of having eternity to nurture their love on TVL.

Anne is throwing some polyamorous subtext for (at least) two books now.

I find it funny when people are okay with a lot of problematic stuff and are like "they're all monsters, get over it!", but draw the line on polyamory, really?

I had to divide these in two because of character limit. :p

I actually find it way more realistic and interesting to have vampires who are above gender, sexuality, laws, religion, every social norm, including monogamy.

I also consider it totally possible for people who live forever to actually fall in love with more than individual as you get to know and understand them better, as well as going through key moments of their lives together? I believe that at some point the things would get too blurry and fluid.

I also don't think exclusivity = superiority, so.

And so far Anne doesn't seem to prioritize anything. When characters list their loved ones, the order of the names change. They refer to people they were/are romantically involved as lover, companion, friend. She plays with the idea of a love that can't be classified and transcends definition sometimes. I never got the impression that it was always character A and B, be that any pairing. And every time she tried to do something more traditional it wasn't as compelling tbh. That's why I believe that her best stuff in that area are happy accidents, when she's just following the vibes rather than trying to check a box. And the best comes from lines than actual kisses.

Drinking each other's blood isn't always something 'sexual'? They do it to heal, gain power, even as a greeting sometimes? It really depends on the situation.

Even with everything, there are stuff that Armand did out of his own choice, not because "Marius taught him", but based on his own values. When he was human or a fresh vampire, he was way more rebellious and he eventually got more submissive because of his traumas or as a way to survive.

Morals do matter in this world. Anne's vampires do forgive easier than on the show, sometimes way too easy, but some do hold grudges. The only difference is that their idea of morals is not the same of humans. They're vampires, so it involves the particularities of their supernatural existence.

Some stuff are crystal clear and Anne confirms it with every single word, but many things are open to interpretation. Sometimes people's own opinions get passed around as the ultimate truth, when they're guess is as good as everybody else's. And that's the same for this post, really. Nobody's opinion is superior and that includes my own. They're different, but equally valid and I believe the fandom would benefit from adopting this approach instead of immediately dismissing an opposite take.

Nobody needs to read those books because God knows they can be problematic (and no, you don't need stuff like plantation owners on book about vampires), but if you want to know the lore, you should read the books. Reading wikia pages and asking mutuals don't give you the full picture. Take me as an example, now that I'm reading them myself, my thoughts diverge a lot of the times. Sometimes, even posting photos of pages plural doesn't provide you enough context. You need to see it for yourself. You can still stick to the show, since it exists as its own thing. But if want to know the lore, you need to get all the information and form your very own conclusions.

/lh/nm

[reclusivebookslug]

Bella Swan is Autistic: An Analysis

(Disclaimers: I enjoy Twilight in spite of its problematic elements, not because of them or in ignorance of them. There are as many different ways to be autistic as there are autistic people. Many allistic people will relate on some level to some aspects of the autistic experience; this does not make them autistic. This is all just my opinion, based on my experience as a late-diagnosed, low-support-needs autistic woman. I am aware this is not a brand-new original idea.)

I reread Twilight (I think for the first time since getting diagnosed 4 years ago) and I found a bunch of things I relate to Bella about. Below the cut is a list of some of her autism-related character traits with quotes for textual evidence. The links lead to articles explaining how these traits relate to autism. The list is ordered chronologically based on page number of the accompanied quotes. Page numbers are based on the paperback edition with ISBN-13: 9780316015844. A backslash in a quote signifies a paragraph break. I’ll update if I read any of the other books or rewatch the movies and anything new comes up.

Bella has trouble regulating her emotional expressions: she has to put conscious effort into how she presents herself

"I'd always been a bad liar" (p. 4). "For some reason, my temper was hardwired to my tear ducts. I usually cried when I was angry, a humiliating tendency" (p. 25). "I had never been enormously tactful" (p. 31). "'My face is so easy to read -- my mother always calls me her open book'" (p. 50).

Bella is shy and a bit socially awkward: she avoids attention for fear of embarrassment

"Charlie wasn't comfortable with expressing his emotions out loud. I inherited that from him" (p. 7). "Mr. Varner... was the only one who made me stand in front of the class and introduce myself. I stammered, blushed, and tripped over my own boots on the way to my seat" (p. 17). "To my dismay, I found myself the center of attention for the rest of the week" (pp. 68-69).

Bella feels different from other people: she doesn’t know how to connect with others and feels pressure to fit in

"I didn't relate well to people my age. Maybe the truth was that I didn't relate well to people, period. Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page. Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain" (pp. 10-11). "I answered honestly, instead of pretending to be normal like everyone else" (p. 47). “'My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?' The words bothered me more than they should -- probably because his speculation hit home. I'd always suspected as much, and it embarrassed me to have it confirmed" (p. 181).

Bella has a unique sense of humor: other people don’t get her jokes and she doesn’t get other peoples’ jokes

"'You don't look very tan.' / 'My mother is part albino.' / He studied my face apprehensively, and I sighed. It looked like clouds and a sense of humor didn't mix. A few months of this and I'd forget how to use sarcasm" (p. 16). “Bella was being unintentionally funny” (p. 367).

Bella finds comfort in routine: the change in routine from moving was difficult for her, and she felt better once the new routine became familiar

"I fell into the pattern of the familiar task gladly" (p. 33).

Bella is academically gifted: she finds assignments easier than her peers do, she has already read the books assigned in her English course

"'Were you in an advanced placement program in Phoenix?' / 'Yes'" (p. 47).

Bella enjoys being alone: she is introverted and enjoys solitary activities

"In a lot of ways, living with Charlie was like having my own place, and I found myself reveling in the aloneness instead of being lonely" (p. 54). "I've never minded being alone" (p. 241).

Bella has motor difficulties: she is clumsy, uncoordinated, accident-prone, and bad at sports

"Possibly my crippling clumsiness was seen as endearing rather than pathetic, casting me as a damsel in distress" (p. 55). "My sense of direction was hopeless; I could get lost in much less helpful surroundings" (p. 136).

Bella has special interests: Edward and books

"... no one else was as aware of Edward as I always was. No one else watched him the way I did" (p. 69). "I was sitting in my room, researching vampires. What was wrong with me" (p. 135)? "... they didn't know how preoccupied I could get when surrounded by books; it was something that I preferred to do alone" (p. 156).

Bella is perceived as different by others: a history of social exclusion is hinted at, Edward’s mind-reading doesn’t work on her

"'It's better if we're not friends,' he explained. 'Trust me.' / My eyes narrowed. I'd heard that before” (pp. 74-75). "He enunciated every syllable, as if he were talking to someone mentally handicapped" (p. 83). "'My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year'" (p. 106). ".'.. maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM'” (p. 181). "'You're not like anyone I've ever known. ... / ... 'I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you ... you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise'" (p. 245).

Bella has sensory differences: she notices and is bothered by things others don’t and aren’t, she engages in sensory-seeking and sensory-avoiding behavior when stressed

"'People can't smell blood,' he contradicted. / 'Well, I can -- that's what makes me sick. It smells like rust ... and salt" (p. 100). "I put in my headphones, hit Play, and turned up the volume until it hurt my ears. I closed my eyes, but the light still intruded, so I added a pillow over the top of my face" (pp. 129-130). "'You're always crabbier when your eyes are black ... I expect it then' ... 'I have a theory about that'" (p. 171). “For three and a half hours I stared at the wall, curled in a ball, rocking” (p. 425).

[lizardperson]

this is my human costume

[on ao3]

fandom: original work rating: g cw: implied bullying, parent death/loss of parent mention, autistic alienation wc: 751 prompt: #fff265 galaxies away for @flashfictionfridayofficial

---

Eleonor was a strange creature. A weird kid. An alien, alone among humans, somehow transported to Earth from a faraway galaxy. On an expedition to study them, perhaps.

Of course, Eleonor knew they weren't really an alien. They're human like everyone else, their brain just worked a little differently. A few years ago Dad had explained what autism is, and that it was the reason they had a hard time playing with the other children and why the world got a bit too much occasionally. Dad said it's fine, no big deal, but people might make it a big deal. "Some people don't like it when someone is different. But that's their problem, not yours." So yes, El got picked on by the other kids - they didn't care too much. In a way, it was just another point for the alien expedition report. Now that they were in middle school, the mean remarks had gotten more, though. Maybe the new school would be better. Maybe it would be worse. "Maybe you'll make some friends!" El never particularly understood that concept.

"Ellie - sorry, Eleonor," Dad corrected himself immediately, "meet Quinn. Remember, I told you about her? She's Victor's daughter?" El knew how happy Dad was to move here, now being practically neighbors with his oldest friend - because he had said so repeatedly, and because of the smile all over his face. They still had trouble sometimes telling apart a fake smile and a real one with most people, but that one definitely was real. The dark-haired girl beside him on the other hand looked very much not happy, crossing her arms in front of her chest and frowning.

"I'm sure you two will be friends," he predicted, perhaps a bit too optimistic, and left Quinn standing in El's room.

As soon as he was out of the door, Quinn dropped down on the bed, arms still crossed. "Just for the record, I'm not looking for any friends, and I'm too old for fucking playdates anyway," she stated.

"Okay. Me too." El turned back to their book, glad this matter was apparently settled and they were in agreement.

After a few minutes of silence, Quinn at least uncrossed her arms and made herself a bit more comfortable on the bed. "So. Ellie."

"Eleonor. Or just El," they corrected without looking up from the book.

"Why not Ellie?"

"Because Mom used to call me that. But I never really liked it much."

"She died, didn't she?"

El closed their book and looked up. "Yeah. Last year." They didn't mind talking about it, but a lot of people got really strange when the topic came up. A few adults even got weirdly touchy and wanted to comfort them for some reason? El wasn't exactly a fan. A lot of kids their age either shrugged it off because they couldn't relate to it, or got sad because they were suddenly confronted with the fact that their parents might be mortal.

"I wish my mom was dead too."

That was a reaction El hadn't gotten before. Curious. "Why?"

"'She's dead' sounds nicer than 'she got tired of me and dumped me with my dad'," Quinn shrugged and crossed her arms again. "Not that I wanted to stay with her anyway. I hate her."

El studied the other girl and went through the mental checklist of emotions, landing on either 'angry' or 'sad'. Option one would mean to calm her down somehow before that anger turned towards El, and option two would mean comforting her. El was pretty bad at both those things, in their own opinion, and had learned from experience that picking the wrong option usually made everything worse.

"Yeah, makes sense." Maybe that would just end the conversation.

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "What, aren't you going to tell me what a horrible thing to say that is? What a terrible and ungrateful child I am? Because surely my mom loves me very much, and all that bullshit?"

El shrugged. "I don't know your mom, so I have no opinion on her."

Quinn frowned and stared at them for a few moments. "You're a weird one."

"So I've been told," El chuckled. "I'm just an alien from a faraway galaxy, visiting Earth or something."

"Well, your human disguise is pretty good. I like it." Quinn smiled a little, and El was reasonably sure that was a real smile. "You know what, I think I might be an alien too."

"Nice to meet you then, fellow extraterrestrial."

[bitchwhoyoukiddin]

Ascendance of a Bookworm: Reread.

A person that I lent the first three books to returned them last week. I figured that it had been a couple years since I read the series (up to the point I paused to wait for the final publication), and maybe it was time for a full re-read. So, here are my thoughts and impressions!

Part 1, Volume 1-3

First thing out the gate, Urano is autistic. Period. That level of hyperfixation combined with actual emotional pain from being held back from said hyperfixation is vanishingly uncommon in people not diagnosed with autism. Yes, there are some conditions with comorbidities, but FUCK. Add in the inability to pick up on or parse social queues unless motivated by a.) danger or b.) hyperfixation?

That said, I kind of love how the arc of the first part (literally part 1, volumes 1-3) is basically getting Urano as Myne to understand how she doesn't actually have the option of Not Dealing With Shit. Urano/Myne (because in p1v1, she still IS Urano - the whole identity thing is a trip in the rest of the series) doesn't have the option to prioritize and run her life in an entitled way in this world. Hell, Urano notes contrasts between her new life and old one constantly for the first volume. And that's part of the arc!

I think something we don't really get enough of later in the series (or that isn't as emphasized, the author just expects us to remember) is how frail Myne's body actually is. Urano makes the point several times that something she wouldn't even think about doing (physically) in her original body is well beyond her reach in Myne. And she also points out that she wasn't really in all that great a physical shape as Urano (disinterested in exercise versus actual chronic illness).

Anywhoozle, I am glad I started this reread because there were definitely bits I missed. The Shumils being intro'd so early, how absolutely spoiled and entitled Urano is when she arrives, then how long it takes for Myne to even get to a place of baseline physical health, and how hard a time Urano/Myne has with accepting how out of left field her new world is in comparison of the old.

I think one of this series' strengths is how much thought is put into the world Myne journeys into. It is vastly different in culture, cultural mores and standards, and fundamental geographic basics than Earth/Japan.

It works really well to have the first three parts building the platform that the main plot explodes off of, and I'm really enjoying the revisit.

That said, there's definitely some Japanese/Western language and concept conflicts that have been tripping me up. Myne's repeated use of "clenches fist for resolve" and how absolutely fucked up she was in her initial wake up/being taken care of physically by her family. Yeah, a bit of that is that she is an adult in a child's body, but her crying for days when someone else physically takes care of her needs? Like. Girl. Come on.

I will also own that I get really frustrated with how one-track mind she's written. It's the correct character choice! Urano/Myne IS that way! It's important to the story and a (frustrating) driving force in the future storytelling. But Christ on a llama, girl, you fucked yourself by losing your goddamn mind about even the hint of a library. You might be in the body of a child, but you are a 23yo woman, get a grip.

I'll also note that I'd forgotten how honestly kind (in retrospect?) Ferdinand is to Myne when they meet. And sure, a good chunk of how he treats her later is strangely predicated on the amount of respect for her capability and potential that he sees in her. He knows she can do shit, but has weird priorities, and doesn't mollycoddle her. Hell, she doesn't deserve it. Because, and I stress this, she is a goddamn adult. An inexperienced, naive, and out-of-her-depth one, but still. Like, the framework of parts 1-3 is basically forcing a coming-of-age montage on Urano/Myne, and having re-read this part, I'm reminded why.

[snaggletoothedbastard]

I'm talking about Tintin again. This time I'm writing an essay. You have been warned.

Yesterday it was my birthday and I rewatched The Black Island. To be clear: I have not read the book. For some reason that is one of the only two Tintin books my dad doesn't have, so I haven't read it. All mentions of The Black Island henceforth are referring to the episode from the animated series.

The Black Island is an interesting episode, and I have interesting feelings about it, which I only truly acknowledged yesterday. Maybe being a year older has brought me unexpected wisdom or maybe I just didn't notice my feelings until more than ten years after the first time I watched the episode. I don't know. Anyway, this is essentially just going to be my attempt at articulating these feelings. You could call this essay an exercise in pointlessness but I like writing so I'm doing it anyway.

The Black Island is actually the first episode I ever watched, and it was my introduction to Tintin as a concept. I'm going to give you a little bit of backstory here. I was about six years old, and I was at a friend's house. We were playing in her mum's room. There was a TV in there with a DVD player, and my friend suggested we watch Tintin. I had no idea what that was, but it sounded intriguing so I agreed to watch it. My friend put the DVD in the player, chose an episode and pressed play. Immediately I was faced with this image.

There he is. The man himself. The weird thing is, I recognised him. This character was familiar to me before I even knew who he was. And that is because of another friend, whom I'd known for my entire life. He and his wife were friends with my parents, and my younger sibling and I were friends with their two daughters. We'd been to the family's house countless times, and every time we went there I would look around at the pictures on their walls, the figures on their shelves and the magnets on their fridge, because I kept seeing these fascinating people. Two identical men with bowler hats and moustaches. A large blonde woman in a pink dress. And a chap with a round face, black dots for eyes and ginger hair that defied gravity by sticking straight up. I'd seen this peculiar character in this family's house for years but it wasn't until I was six and watching TV with my friend in her mum's bedroom that I finally learned his name: Tintin.

The episode we watched was, of course, The Black Island. It was my first proper introduction to the series that absolutely beguiled me from the age of six to around ten, and then was, for some reason, almost forgotten about until I rediscovered it a month ago. And this episode seems to have had a rather profound effect on me that I don't think any of the other episodes have. It isn't my favourite, it doesn't have the best quality, the animation is sometimes funny-looking and the dialogue is awkward and the accents are atrocious, but there is something special about it.

The main thing I get from watching this episode is an intense feeling of nostalgia. The Tintin series was a huge part of my childhood. My family and I watched the cartoon religiously until I probably could have recited the entirety of The Seven Crystal Balls word for word. In my young undiagnosed autistic mind, I thought the way the characters spoke would be the perfect thing to emulate when I was masking. New lens: I am now an actor, and the voice acting in the series is, for the most part, aggressively mediocre. But I tried so hard to copy it when I was a child that it's now ingrained in my head and when I need to mask, I automatically fall back on this weird overacted cartoon-character persona without even thinking about it. I associate Tintin with Sufjan Stevens, because I heard so much of his music while my interest in the cartoon was at its peak. To me, the two are intrinsically linked, and I sometimes forget that this isn't a universal experience, and that there probably aren't that many other people who instinctively think of Tintin in America when they listen to the song Chicago.

I also get nostalgia for the circumstances in which I first saw the episode. The friend who introduced me to the series was also a huge part of my childhood, as was the house in which we watched the episode. That particular friendship had a rough ending, and I feel both happy and sad when I think back on it. The Tintin series actually affected the way we interacted with each other, particularly in the games we played at school. We both liked playing pretend games where we would invent elaborate adventures and act them out in the playground together. Many of these adventures were inspired by the ones we saw on TV or read about, including Tintin.

The Black Island is a reminder of things that fundamentally changed me and made me the person I am now. But it also affects me in smaller ways.

The story of The Black Island is, like every other story in the series, unique. It has Tintin investigating a plane crash in the England, and the mystery eventually takes him up to a sullen Scottish seaside town and an ominous island. I think part of what makes this story feel so strangely close to me is its location. It's close in a physical sense because I'm from England and I've lived here my whole life. The landscapes look a lot like the countryside I used to live in and still see every day when I take the bus to school.

I've never been to Scotland but the Scotland scenes are still familiar. I can link these images to specific places I've been to.

Boscastle in Cornwall.

Corfe Castle in Dorset.

That nightmarish staircase in King Alfred's tower, Somerset.

There are also smaller, more specific details, like that dog that chases Snowy, which I can easily relate to several childhood experiences. I don't know why I got chased by dogs so often but it's hardly surprising that I was scared shitless of them until the age of sixteen.

Or the soundtrack in some of the Scotland scenes, which reminds me of the whimsical folktronica-style music my dad makes with his friend.

These are very specific experiences that I don't think are likely to be exactly the same as anyone else's. The things I associate with this story and the feelings it gives me are completely different to what someone else might get from it. And I think that's really nice. It's like I've got something that's just for me. And of course you could say this about anything, because everyone's lives are different, but The Black Island is, for some reason, the thing that I get this feeling from more than anything else.

The episode has a sense of quiet mystery to it. It starts with Tintin enjoying a walk with Snowy in the middle of nowhere, then bluntly stating that a plane is in trouble. I wouldn't say it's any less exciting than the rest of the stories, but it feels more matter-of-fact. The mystery is there but the answers are revealed in simple statements. I don't know if it's just because it's set in the UK and the weather over here is always dull, but many of the scenes take place under a cloudy sky, and the scenes in Scotland especially seem darker, which I actually like. Of course the episode has its share of chase scenes and slapstick comedy, but the overall tone of the story feels gentler somehow than a lot of the others. It feels more like something that could actually happen, at least to me. And that's how I felt about it when I was six. I watched it for the first time and thought, "I wish I could have an adventure like that." When I went on to watch the rest of the series I had similar thoughts about the other episodes, but The Black Island remained the only one that I could relate to. Maybe that's because it's set closer to home. Maybe it's because I recognise the locations even though I've never been to any of them. Maybe it's because it reminds me of the child I used to be, talking like a cartoon character and pretending my best friend or my sibling and I were on some wild adventure. Maybe it's because it was the beginning of an unforgettable chapter in my life, without which I would have ended up a different person. It's probably all of these things put together. These things are what makes The Adventures of Tintin: The Black Island feel like home to me.

[author-a-holmes]

Obviously ignore this if you want but I saw you mention that you recently got published (congrats!!!) and I had a question. I'm still far out from that, but I know how to write and can research how to publish but I don't know how to market. Not only am I autistic and not charismatic, I want to solely use my pen name and distance my writing from my face because of my professional life. Do you know how to actually get people who might like your book to notice that it exists as an indie author with no previous following? Thank you if you have any advice!

Hello Moshke!

Thank you so much for the congratulations! It's taken longer than I expected but the realisation that I'm published is finally beginning to sink in! It's very surreal ^_^

I honestly don't know if I'm the right person to give advice on marketing as, at the moment, my book's been out just over a month and I feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark, but I wanted to give your ask due consideration and, despite my hesitation, I think I still have some tips that could hopefully help.

The reason I think I might have at least some relevant tidbits is that I'm also writing under a penname and most people don't seem to realise that.

Now, in my case, it's not about privacy it's just that don't like my given name enough to see it on book covers :D So I don't mind talking about it, but marketing your book under a penname isn't that much different to how you would market the book under your legal name.

Tip No. 1

Establish your pen name as a functional pseudonym now. Don't wait until you're ready to publish.

So, this stage was a little backwards for me. I come from the age of internet use where you did not give your real name online, under any circumstances, so I've always used various "online names".

By the time I decided that I was going to use "Arista Holmes" to publish under, anyone who knew me online already knew me as Ari. Even my best friend offline will sometimes call me Ari when we're chatting, so it had become as much an actual nickname as an online pseudonym.

But that's exactly what I'm getting at. I'm not pretending to be "Arista Holmes", I am Ari. A writer in her 30's based in the south east of England. The same way I'm Josie to my mum, or Jo-jo to my Godmother.

Tip No. 2

Don't think about it as marketing your book, but as creating an author "brand".

I'm using "Brand" here in the absence of a better term, because I absolutely hate thinking about this as a "brand", but what I mean is think of your Penname as something people will google search.

In fact, Google search your pen name.

As I mentioned, I'd been using "Arista Holmes" online for a while, and I had accounts all over the place that I didn't necessarily want coming up when people looked up my books.

(I will deny spending my youth on Neopets, it's just TOO embarrassing!) 

But jokes aside; Google your pen name. See what comes up. Scroll through all 20, 30, 50 pages of google. Some asshole looking for some embarrassing post from your teen years won't stop at page five, and neither should you.

Shut down any accounts you find, or if you want to keep them, change the username to something else. The only non-publishing related account linked to Arista Holmes now is my AO3. I figure it's still writing, so no harm in leaving that one up.

Tip No. 3

Set up social media accounts now; Be as consistent as possible across all platforms.

Now, and I want to put this in big bold letters:

Having accounts on all the socials does not mean you will be active on all of them.

Or use them at all, in fact.

Having accounts on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter, Tiktok, Youtube, etc etc etc, just means that if, by some miracle, you make it big and draw in fans you'll also inevitably draw trolls and by making the account with your pen name; it stops them claiming that username and pretending to be you.

It's a form of pre-emptive protection.

On that note; Be consistent across your accounts. Use the same profile picture, use the same header or banner, use the same colour scheme, use the same "About Me/About Author" description, and (as much as possible) use the same username format.

That last one won't be possible on all platforms. Some of them don't like periods/full stops. Some don't like underscores, but try to be as consistent as possible.

For example my account on here is author.a.holmes, most other places I'm aristaholmes. I'd change it, but at this point, I don't want to break all my links.

Tip No. 4

Author Pictures Are Not Required.

I'm adding this point here because I mentioned profile pictures in the previous tip. Author Pictures Are Not Required.

Don't get me wrong, they're often highly encouraged, and I can't deny that they give a humanising effect to the author, but that doesn't mean you actually have to show your face.

I've chosen to put my face on my "About The Author" page in the back of my book, but that's a personal choice. You don't have to add one at all! It's only more recently that I've seen fiction author photos in the back of books.

Until about... 15 years ago? Ish? I wouldn't have expected to see an author photo unless the book was non-fiction.

If you want to add a picture of you, but don't feel comfortable or can't because of real world problems, consider an artist's caricature instead. Go one step further than a pen-name and give yourself a pen-picture! Jenna Moreci uses an artist's interpretation as her profile picture/logo, and Lemony Snicket only had pictures of the back of his head for ages.

If you do decide to commission an artist though, do explain to them that it will be included in your books, that you'll be selling, as they will probably want to add a commercial licence price to the artwork; But if you explain why you're having the caricature done I imagine most artists would be very reasonable about it.

***

That's all my tips for setting up and marketing yourself, as the author, under a pen name... but I can already hear the voices in my head muttering that I've not really touched on how to get people to find you once you've set up the pen name, and the socials, and your website etc.

And it's because I personally think that if you're writing under a pen name you need to establish it as an entity in its own right before beginning to try marketing it.

So, moving on…

Tip No. 5

Find your place on the great, wide, interwebs...

I mentioned I'd been online as Arista Holmes for about 8-10 years prior to deciding to publish under this name, but once I did decide to publish I went and made all my author socials (just like I mentioned in Tip No. 3)

That was in 2020 and it was part experimentation, and part letting people find me. I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep up with multiple social media's, and I also knew I didn't WANT to, so I made the socials and I started posting on each platform and figuring out which platforms I liked. Which ones were easy to use, and which ones got me the most engagement with other people.

For me, this turned out to be Tumblr and Instagram. Twitter and Facebook are like graveyards for me, and Tiktok is only a little better, but your mileage may vary.

I cross post consistently with Tumblr, Instagram, because those are the places I get the most engagement... but I also maintain a blog on my website and any big pieces of news (such as asking for ARC readers, or publishing my book) gets posted across ALL platforms because, well, I live in hope that one day my tiktok will go viral lol.

But honestly, the multiple socials literally eat up so much of the time I could spend writing; I highly recommend picking two, three at most, and focusing on them.

But what do you post? I can almost hear you yelling <3

Tip No. 6

How to market when you're shy/introverted/not-charismatic/or any other thing you feel is holding you back.

You're going to want to throw something at me but lean on your strengths. It sounds so simple, and I know it's not, I'm sorry, but here's what I mean by that.

When I was still experimenting with all the socials to find the ones I liked, I stumbled across an image. I want to say it was here on tumblr but, honestly, I don't remember and at the time I was neck deep in every marketing and promotional blog or article I could find trying to figure this shit out.

It was called "The Periodic Table of Content Marketing".

I don't know why this helped me wrap my head around marketing, but it did.

I read over each of the types of marketing and I started getting idea's.

Ebooks... I'd heard about people doing reader magnets for newsletter lists.

Interviews... I've seen authors on podcasts. I'd seen people on tumblr interviewing their characters. I could do that.

Trends... What are popular tropes if not trends of the moment?

And I suddenly realised that this silly little graph was all the different types of marketing I could do, broken down simply, and laid out neatly, and I could pick and choose not only the bits I was comfortable doing, but the bits that I was confident with.

I'm never going to put my face on a tiktok video and lipsync to popular songs, but I could write a 12,000 words short story prequel to my series and make it exclusive to newsletter subscribers.

That was something I could do, because it leaned on my strengths; My writing.

Because I haven't said it yet, but two years ago I'd have described myself very similarly to you.

I'm not charismatic. While I'm not autistic, I am painfully introverted. I have severe social anxiety. I'm not funny, I can't talk with strangers casually or easily. Talking about my book more than once a week feels like I'm bragging or being pushy... But I can write.

So I started looking for opportunities to share my writing, and let it... not speak for itself, but let my words draw in the audience. It still took a bit of pushing on my part, I would look for tag games where the user had left an "Open Tag" and I'd hop on those and share some words.

This is part of the reason Tumblr is one of my favourite places to network with writers and readers, because the tag games let me share and tease content without having to push through my social anxiety all that hard.

It's a slower, organic, audience growth but it's definitely my preference.

The content I shared on here, produced to play tag games, I quickly realised that I could copy it onto a pretty image in canva, and share it on instagram easier than I could condense a paragraph into the twitter character limit, or make it look appealing on Facebook's janky system.

And the more writing I shared, the more people commented and followed. And the more they commented and followed, the easier it was to talk to them. And then I started getting asks. That was nerve wracking and sometimes they'll still sit there a couple of months before I can make myself answer them.

(Sorry Sleepy and Avra, if you're reading this! I'll reply soon, I promise!)

Have I gone off topic here? I kind of feel like I have but also... not really.

If you feel like your writing is your strength, lean on it. Let it do the heavy lifting for you. Show your hand with your words.

By the time I set up my mailing list and offered 'Whatever Happened To Madeline Hail?' for free, I got 12 people to sign up straight away. I don't know if that's a lot, but it was at least eight more than I was expecting.

When my book launched, I received 14 reviews, and sold 20 copies the first month. Again, I don't know if this is a lot, but it was a whole hecking lot more than I'd hoped for.

I don't know if I'm good at marketing, and maybe someone will reblog and reply to this with better advice, or tear apart what I've said, and if they do great! I really hope it helps you or someone else down the reblog chain because, as I said at the start, I'm really just stumbling around in the dark and hoping I somehow get it all to work out lol

But I do just have one more piece of advice, that isn't really my advice...

Tip No. 7

Fake it until you make it.

You're a writer. The beauty of the internet is that we have time to stop, and think about the words we're writing in response to someone.

I'm a shy, introvert, who doesn't know when to shut up when she gets started talking about writing (Or at least that's what it looks like based on the length of this post...)

But 99% of people I speak to online don't know I'm an introvert. They don't know that after sending an email I have to go back to bed for a few hours to recover my energy, or that I can't answer a phone without feeling nauseous for the rest of the day and it's because when I'm online I'm Arista Holmes, and I can write my responses in the same way I write my characters.

I'm not saying I'm not being me, I am, but I'm also being given the time and space to be the confident me I want to be, rather than the nervous wreck I actually am.

Write your socials, and market your book, as the you that you’d write if you were dropped into one of your own books.

Fake it until you make it.

Handy Resource List For Marketing:

Periodic Table of Content Marketing

Jenna Moreci's Youtube - I take her writing advice with a huge chunk of salt, but her marketing advice is top notch.

Bethany Atazedah Youtube - Co-wrote a Marketing For Authors Non-fiction series, but a lot of her youtube videos contain good, free, advice too.

Self-Publishing With Dale - If you want to market effectively, keeping on top of the current trends and changes in the market is important. Self Publishing with Dale is the best way I've found to do that; He really has his fingers on the pulse of the Self Publishing Market, and even if you're not publishing yet, checking out some of his videos can teach you loads about what to do, but more importantly, what NOT to do.

Michael Anderle's 20Bookto50k system - I didn't mention it as a tip but the BEST form of marketing a book is to write the next book. Michael Anderle talks about his theory that is you have 20 books published, your backlist of royalty income should net you around $50k a year. The hour and a half talk changed my whole marketing outlook and is why I'm focussed on a slow grown, more organically sourced, audience rather thank paid advertising.

Abbie Emmons Youtube - I'm not sure I should include Abbie in a list of marketing resources as she's often more about the writing side of the craft, but her videos have been invaluable to me, so she's just worth checking out in general.

[youdontlookautistic]

Inspirational/motivational/religious speakers and being autistic:

This can apply in any sort of religious or political context, I'm currently exploring it from my personal experience angle because I am so far behind on the human train 😭(Strap in cos I don't think this is going to be very motivational)

I wanted to be a speaker for about 30 years before I finally woke up. Growing up in Law of Attraction made me see how motivational speakers were so.... invigorating and alive. They pulsated with so much energy it filled the room and everyone rode the wave (gotta ride that walrus amirite).

Context: I grew up in LoA. This stuff was taught to me from age 4. I believed nothing else.

I wanted to be that person. I felt like I had energy and words and lessons to teach others. Ngl. Still want to be that person.

But there was always that one thing that stopped me. That one little tiny thing that I just couldn't get over in order for me to commit and go. That liiiittle niggling thing at the back of my brain that was

cognitive distortion.

Motivational speakers and their lessons as they grow:

If you're someone whose entire brand is to transform others, the you must do as I say and as I do. You must be the example of your teaching.

Look at Tony Robbins. He has been on this pedestal of glory as the perfect example of how to overcome your challenges and LIVE.

That Oprah gif? My mum did that (like 15 years ago). She went to Tony Robbins, and called me randomly and in happy tears to tell me she loved me, and then walked over hot coals. For real. What a legend.

But Tony Robbins is just a dude. A tall, deep voiced dude who knows how to use his body and voice in a way to convey an idea that gets others to take action. This is a separate post but the cult vibes and techniques of motivational speakers are El Primo.

The catch:

What happens when motivational/life speakers realise they're autistic?

Example: the last author/speaker I really connected with was Mel Robbins.

I read her book 3 years ago and there were answers in it I'd been struggling with for my life. Things around the action and motivation cycle, things like routines and countdowns. She spoke to me. Those techniques still work today.

Well since then Mel has found out she's got ADHD.

I've also found out I've got AuDHD

There's something about the motivational speaking circuit that says neurodivergent to me. Sorta like Silicone Valley, there are certain areas/topics/cultures that naturally attract our kind. It may seem odd, motivational speaking, especially if your idea of an autistic person is someone who doesn't communicate well or is too shy or gets overwhelmed by all that.

No no no, not for me. Speaking is different. Speaking means:

I am in front, and separate to, the crowd

They are specifically here to see me and listen to what I have to say and it's about my special interest so really you're gonna have to drag me away.

Because I love helping people and have a passion for teaching, all that + my excited adrenalin overcomes any hesitancy. I have no issues standing in front of a crowd/group of people, I've done many talks and workshops in my past. I feel like I'm at my best then.

If the lights are bright enough I can't see shit, so I could feel like I'm in a room alone.

I can leave the stage when I'm done and essentially disappear.

With the right set up it can feel like a wonderfully safe and incredibly validating place to be.

A good motivational speaker:

On top of that this is sorta what's required to be an effective and successful motivational speaker in today's day and age (in my humble Tumblr opinion):

A very clear business head to be able to do both business and speaking. Along with marketing, promotions, tours, live streams, admin, etc.

Ability to remain emotionally and mentally detached from your audience and the media, keeping the bigger picture in mind, so that you don't get influenced by them but remain true to your own path. All while interacting with them one on one all the time.

A deep understanding of reading human behaviour, especially on a day to day basis where motivational speaking topics often lie

A constant need to question and probe the reasons why we do what we do. A need to FIND ANSWERS AND FIX THE PUZZLE OF HUMANS.

Belief in what you promote.

Be your authentic self.

That #5 might be a killer cos I believed 150% in what Law of Attraction was. I wanted to be out there and help people and transform their lives.

So what happens when #5 changes for the speaker? What happens to a speaker when they look back at all they've said and done and promoted and realised it was for a specific, niche crowd and not the masses? That some of their lessons weren't helpful and possibly actually quite damaging and hurtful?

I'm really interested because these people are in a role that they themselves have promoted as being self aware, accepting growth, being your authentic self.

Thus the cognitive distortion. I couldn't commit to being a motivational speaker when I didn't ever truly feel like I could live my own truth. Be my authentic self. On stage it's 100% masking. It's still me but I'm numbing a lot of myself so that only certain portions are visible.

How many public people of interest, across history, have had that sort of reflection and then gone on to rectify or change their approach vs doubling down, ignoring the damage behind them, and pretending nothing changed? I'd really like to know this.

There are many authors and 'gurus' I've reflected back on that I loved, and wondered if I connected with them because on some lower level we were both neurodivergent.

Wayne Dyer (RIP), I loved Wayne Dyer. He spent his life in pursuit of spiritual and emotional freedom and I still massively respect him for that. However he came at it from a 'manifesting' angle, since he was LoA, and he passed away from cancer. The guy suffered and died from cancer and all I can think is 'Did he blame himself for that? Did he tell himself that he manifested that cancer because of something he couldn't overcome in himself?'

It's so painful to think those thoughts of someone you so admired. Because what if he was autistic? What if he realised that this desperate need to find answers was actually a scientific, realistic suffering that he never explored? What if he wasn't autistic but something else just as valid?

Not saying Wayne Dyer was autistic. Just using him as an example because of how much he affected me (positively).

History is a pattern of religion/spirituality until it's science.

What happens to the people who are in the positions of power, when the foundations of what they understood now becomes concrete and something totally different?

I want to knoooow

[sa1lorsp3lllz]

So I finally finished Wednesday, I have a lot of thoughts about this show.

First of which I absolutly love this show it had me hooked from beggining to end. The story was great especially for a first outing to ease you into the world but more than anything what spoke to me was Wednesdays character.

As somone with high functioning Autism I releate to her so much the dry monotone voice where people cant tell if youre serious or sarcasic, The standoffish nature towards overs, The wish to never be touched and of course the hyperfixation.

I genually have never related a character so much I see a lot of myself in her espeshally when I was the same age as her. The most of which is the masking of all emotion like when Enid moved back into thier room you could tell that wednesday just wanted to say that she missed her but couldnt bring herself to do it. This is one of the biggest things I struggle with to this day, I will want to say somthing nice or do somthing nice for somone but for some reason like there is like this restraint in my mind to not do it and to just keep the wall up.

I have a fear just like her that letting my gaurd down to anyone even those close to me will expose me to somthing bad so its easier to just keep the wall up and show no emotions to anyone. I have to say though the end there where she let her gaurd down and huged Enid really hit home too as someone who does not like to be touched by others sometimes you do just need that hug to to know everything is okay and then its back to no touching.

I also have been though my fair share of being totally obivious to other peoples emotions focusing purly on my goal. I oftern dont mean to hurt or upset others but I oftern find it just happens and it takes me by suprise that they are offended cause to me I'm just trying to achieve a task reach a goal. Just like Wednesday trying to do everyhing possible to find out who the monster is and get to the bottom of the mystery almsot at the peril of everyone who has tried to make friends with her along the way at school.

Finally one of the things that seal the deal on how much I releate to her is that we're both obsessed with writing. For me at least it is kind of ironoic since im also dyslexic. But I too dedicate at least an hour a day to writing of some form. Usally my book of which is also a mystery novel. However sometimes I write unrelated things for example today it has been dedicated to writing this blog post.

So to summerise, I coudln't be more thrilled. Im not sure if Tim Burton was intending for Wednesday to be autistic but as an autisitic person I strongly relate to her so I'm happy with the decisions he and Jenna made for the character and I'm happy for that representation on screen as many oftern misunderstand autism.

I love this show so much I'm going in for another watch tomorrow and I hope to the dark lord that we get a season 2 I need to see more of this Wednesday.

[calicohyde]

Happy STS! What is the best novel you've ever read? What did you like about it, from a storytelling perspective? Has it influenced or informed your own approach?

*instantly forgets every book i've ever read in my life*

in the name of. having an answer. i will pick The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. i don't remember it well enough after so long after having read it (and i've only read it the once) to pick out specific storytelling mechanics, but i do remember being impressed and thinking it was very well done in addition to having a lot of important things to say and being engaging and entertaining. i also remember i had borrowed it, and then texted the friend i'd borrowed it from to ask if he had the next book and if i could come pick it up right then. at 3AM.

one particular thing about the TGWTDT original trilogy (the only ones i personally count as "canon" lol) that really stuck out to me as unique and special to me personally and that i've wanted to see more of since - and am planning to be the change i want to see wrt - are its quote unquote "unlikeable" protagonists.

lisbeth is autistic and point blank refuses to mask, and in addition she's acerbic and angry and tends to reach violence as a much sooner resort than many, she's not exactly arrogant but she would never even dream of not taking credit and representing her skills accurately or god forbid using upspeak, she simply does not follow rules (or conventions or etiquette) she thinks are stupid and she's vocal and unapologetic about it, she's an actual genuine punk and fucks severely and without romance (until mikael), and as far as i remember she never once says sorry to anyone for anything no matter what. i love her with every fiber of my being.

mikael is a workaholic which is not unique, except that everyone hates his guts for being so single-minded and rigid and unavailable, which is, and which i really liked. of course people would not find him fun to be around. he also is arrogant, and a hypocrite, and can be unkind. and these two are the best good guys we've got! (this is also why i discount the opinion of anyone who claims mikael is a "romanticized" self-insert on larsson's part like bruhhh.... just cuz they have the same job? this bitch is not a romanticized version of anyone or anything he's a fucking rat bastard who happens to also be a good man smdh. i mean maybe he is a self-insert but not a fucking romanticized one! he sucks! i'm passionate about this.)

i also really liked the age range of the characters and the polyamory and the queers. additionally, larsson has a really unique and fascinating writing style (which critics have attributed to his writing career starting in investigative journalism before he ever did creative writing or fiction). i think it fits absolutely perfectly with the protagonists and the subject matter, and the way those things match up and meld together makes the series so much more absorbing.

but yeah i always liked a writing style and a narrative voice that was fitted to the characters/content, and i think larsson did it particularly well - even if it's a sort of chicken or egg situation with him. we'll never know since he died of those Natural Causes before he could write anything else and all. anyway! i would have done this regardless, because literally all of my favorite authors do it to some degree, which is why they are my favorite authors. (much of what people say are benefits you can "only" get from first person narration i feel you can get just as well from a limited third person, if you uh. try.) but yeah TGWTDT is a stand-out example!

i also can't necessarily give TGWTDT/larsson credit for my life long love affair with angry and contrarian good guys, but again it's a stand-out example and an aspiration in this.

thank you for the ask, nico!! <3

[lemonhemlock]

Please do not take this note as an anti, since most likely you will not agree with me, but ..

I do think that Helaena should have left the book version for a number of reasons:

1. She is cheerful and sweet. She had a wonderful relationship with Alicent. She is a good mother who loved her children very much.

2. She was loved by the smallfolk (and this was very well emphasized at the time of her death)

3. She did advise Aegon and was quite active until B&C. And in principle, they had a fairly normal relationship.

But in the show... she was made into a "Manic Pixie Dream Girl" type for no reason. Yes, I understand that she is most likely autistic, as many assume, but the fact is that it literally does not participate in the life of the family in any way and does not play any role in the Green Party. They omitted the fact that she, along with her maester and mother, assisted Aegon in negotiations with Rhaenyra.

Or the fact that she literally has no interest in her own children. Yes, there is very little screen time, but the only scene with her and the children is shown in such a way that she keeps her distance from them.

I'm not talking about the fact that being a wife and mother, she behaves absolutely childishly. If as a teenager she was just quiet and calm, then as an adult she is somehow chaotic and narrow-minded for her age. She acts absolutely strange and detached from everyone.

And the fact that the writers made her a dreamer... literally for nothing. More precisely, it was made a walking spoiler for us - the audience, but we do not need it. We can watch what is happening on the screen, we do not need prompts. Moreover, her predictions do not play any role for others, because they are simply not heard and ignored - every single time and this is honestly a little annoying. Moreover, she constantly speaks in some kind of quiet riddles, naively believing that everyone will understand. Some cite Cassandra as an example, but no, sorry. Cassandra had a curse, but no one wants to hear Helaena and she does not make any effort to ensure that at least someone believes her, so everyone treats her as "out of her mind".

And yes, the most annoying part is that there are a lot of Helaemond shippers (I'm not anti, I just don't understand where they got any rationale for a pairing when there's nothing there) claiming that Alys's plot will be given to Helaena just because she also has visions, which is completely absurd, since the Harrenhal storyline (and Alys herself) is very important, which cannot be said about Helaena, who became completely invalid after B&C. And the very role of Helaena was only to be a victim from the actions of more influential figures. Some try to give her a bigger role than she really is, but why? This is not necessary.

I’m saying all this to the fact that if Helaena was a book version, people would empathize with her more than in the series, because they saw that from a cheerful and pleasant girl who did nothing wrong to anyone, she mentally broke down due to the death of her child. Personally, I find it hard to empathize with someone who does nothing to try and save their family, KNOWING what the future holds for them.

Hello there. I made this post a while ago critiquing Helaena's depiction in the show, touching on some of the points you mentioned. I think that she really suffers from having literally just a few minutes of screen time and just a couple of lines. It's very difficult to flesh out any character in those conditions - same situation if they tried to depict straight-up book!Helaena. So they stuck her in this weird limbo where they gave her a lot of new traits but didn't build them up in much of a way. She's kind of both under-developed but with a lot of identifiable personality traits - a peculiar space to describe.

I don't know why they made her a dragon dreamer. Ideally, there's going to be some pay-off to this eventually, but, equally, they could have just thought it would be cool and spooky to have her recite a couple of weird riddles. I don't know what's in the writers' heads. There could have been some commentary about Viserys wanting all his life to be a dreamer and believing that he was and, when finally having a dreamer daughter, he just ignores her. But there wasn't. Not even from Alicent. That's absolutely a writing choce, as they obviously sacrificed Helaena's development and screen time. Moreover, I'm not sure what the pay-off could be. It can't influence or change any of the events, so is she just supposed to be tortured preemptively by images of her family dying?

I wouldn't say that she does nothing to try and save her family, as it's implied that she doesn't understand (or remember?) her own visions. She does try to tell people what she sees or, at least, make them aware she is seeing something. But what's even weirder is that no one around her seems to understand that she's a dreamer either. She tells everyone "there is a beast between the boards", then Meleys comes up through the floor and they still don't get it? Maybe they will next season, who knows. But it's still weird to have a lifetime of visions like this and no one in the family putting 2 and 2 together.

RE: Helaemond. Honestly, I've only ever seen this ~speculation~ that Alys will be cut from the show a few months ago and then it died down. And it very much didn't feel like a crime? It was just idle chatter from people contemplating what direction the show could go in; I've certainly not seen any International Revolution Agenda from helaemonds trying to convince the fandom or putting pressure on HBO to cut Alys from the show and give her part to Helaena lol. Likewise, helaemonds were not the ones who decided to duplicate Alys' supposed powers and give them to Helaena, it was the show-runners who did that in the first place. I think this was just born out of a desire to figure out why the dragon dreaming was introduced in the first place or whether it will result in any pay-off at all.

As for why would people want to give her a bigger role. She is the only female green character apart from Alicent* and literally the Queen lol. It's normal for people to want her be more involved.

*there's also Jaehaera but she has an even smaller role for the duration of the Dance. So we basically have 2 female green characters vs 5 male characters (Aegon, Aemond, Daeron, Otto, Criston), who all have their own storylines and get to do impressive stuff. Whereas Alicent and Helaena drop off after B&C. Yeah, the story could be improved in that regard.

[moe-broey]

YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IN a very strange and funny way I actually. Don't mind this bc when I write/think about characters I literally forget wikis exist until I'm in dire need for very specific information, it's just me and the source material. So. If anything this WILL feed my autism HAHAHAHA

BUT!!! BUT!!! MORE THAN THAT NOW THAT I ACTUALLY HAVE DIRECT ACCESS TO HIS VOICE LINES!!!!! Now that I can study him like a bug...

Standout Voicelines to me are:

"One who lacks the will to strike me down is not fit to be king" GAKSHKSHSJSJ LITERALLYYYY THAT SHITPOST COMIC IDEA I HAD AGES AGO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

From May 2022. I fucking know this man. Personally. Unfortunately.

(AS A SIDE... I am so sorry someone left SUCH informative and cool tags about Alfonse/Sharena grandad lore when I mentioned in a post that we don't know much of their family history, and APPARENTLY!! We know A Little More than I thought! However I cannot find the tags or post ANYWHERE but I think I just need to replay Book 3) (when. The time is right. I have to be autistic about it LMFAOOO)

The OTHER line that's fucking me up right now though is: "Alfonse is strong. Should the time come that he needs to battle his own blood, he will not falter."

I AM. PROBABLY READING WAYYY INTO THIS. But isn't it fucking weird?????? For Gustav to say that????? After he's already been killed by Alfonse?????? He's saying it as if it's a hypothetical. As if he's worried about something to come and Not reflecting on something that has already happened.

LIKE...... I don't think we have to worry about Sharena tbh bc Intsys gives her NOTHING but also. I really can't imagine them taking that route with her character. If they wanted to set her up to be a foe at any point, I think it already would have happened (either in Book 3, where I could see her being like, something Other than Lif and Thrasir. A more neutral party with her own goal/motives, which could make her either be on our side or somewhere else. You know. If they didn't just Leave her dead like Dead dead LMFAOO -- OR in Book 4, but even then it's way less likely bc it's established like. Sharena is more in-line with the good dream fairies than she is the nightmare fairies). And right now, as they Have actually been giving scraps of good characterization/growth for her, it's very much in-line with being a reliable teammate to Alfonse, having them become equals/covering for each other's weaknesses, and aspiring to be/figuring out what it means for her to be a strong queen(?) (Would she be queen actually? Esp since Alfonse is to take the throne?) (But generally saying that bc of the inspiration she took from Acsended Elincia's convos)

SO LIKE......... is Gustav worried about Henriette??????? And her whole deal. Day of Devotion alt where she mentions "That power... Never again", "I don't want to lose control", "I am holding back." Like. Hello

Also "Alfonse... Sharena... My beloved children..." Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Your Beloved children? Yeah? Is that what you call them? Yeah? Yeah? Sword slash to the chest AND you're on fire. EXPLODE‼️‼️ 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[eldritchmochi]

[image id: tags by @apocketfullofhobbits that read: ngl 'how do you spend your time' feels as intrusive to me as 'what do you do for a living', and it doesn't translate well to my language, idk i just hate being perceived at all and i hate putting others on the spot too, if someone doesn't volunteer information themselves then i guess I'll just never know. and I'm okay with that /end id]

i think this may be related to the point of the article (and the book referenced)! where the article and book discuss (english based, US-centered) race and therefore class power dynamics in the way small talk operates, i feel its not too much of a stretch to apply the same general theory to other forms of culture clash, whether that be across languages and therefore non-usian (white, cishet, christian, middle class) standards or like neurospiceyness or even things like age, queerness, or manner of upbringing

(pls note i know nothing, i just like trying to connect dots based off info i have magpied)

the thing that comes first to mind is the thing disney parks do where they train all their staff to gesture a specific way instead of pointing with their index finger, as is common in the us, because in other parts of the world that is a rude gesture. there are tons and tons of things like that, stuff thats completely benign in one culture that comes across fine in a different culture but incredibly foul in another, and half the time theres no telling what faux pas youll make in a multi cultural environment until you fuck up, as the article writer expresses

im autistic. i don't do small talk. i understand the point of it and have several fairly good scripts for when i have my Customer Service Voice in place, but i flounder when faced with "normal conversation" to the point where i assembled notes on reasonable human conversation topics ahead of meeting my (very normal, reasonable) boyfriends family. i dont do small talk because it feels very stiff from me, and i am *very bad* at following the conventionally appropriate scripts expected from small talk (ie the "how are you?" "good" exchange; im disabled. i walk with a cane. i come equipped with a bag full of pills at all times. i clearly cannot say that im "good" because that feels like a lie but people somehow hate "tired"???)

because im autistic, in situations where i dont have to Perform Peoplehood as the other party expects, i can sit and lecture about all sorts of things basically endlessly. however, because i had an absolutely shit upbringing and a lot of very bad health issues, i tend to be very selective about personal anecdotes because i hate even the potential of being pitied. in turn, like in pocket's tags, i tend to operate under the idea that people will tell me what they are comfortable sharing, and if they dont volunteer it, its none of my business, because thats how i operate myself

this is definitely true, but there are two catches: one) it is not universally true, and two) when it is true, you still have to make space for the other party to share stuff

there are definitely people who are bothered by conversations that lack "small talk" or otherwise people asking them personal questions. this is especially true in the us i would wager, given the sheer level of cultural individualism that goes on, wherein generally folks operate under the conditions that its rude to relate to someone via sharing a same-but-different personal anecdote, but also the-general-we dont know how to have a conversation that doesnt hinge on the self. if you dont ask these people the direct personal questions they require to feel involved in conversation, those relationships will hmm, struggle (i have not figured out how to manage this tho)

conversely, for folks who are more private, those relationships can feel superficial if theres not space and care left for them to open up. my bf and my gf are both very private and dont really offer up personal information unless ur really really close. being the Science Minded and also very direct person i am, when i realized my crush on my boy, i established very explicitly that he could say no to anything i asked of him and accepted his "no"s immediately when they came up. i did this very deliberately because i am very direct and "nosey", and wanted him to be comfortable telling me to mind my business if i poked where he didnt want

and it worked. the questions i tend to ask to learn about who someone is are pretty out there compared to standard small talk, so i wager they fall under the idea of "signifying" -- things like asking the best gift theyve gotten and best theyve given tell me what they value for themselves, and how they understand and relate to the people in their lives -- but while theyre direct and quite deep, theyre pretty open ended so the person i ask can give whatever kind of answer in whatever detail they're comfy with, and i still get good return as far as understanding who they are as a person, aaaaand in at least a couple instances, that space of positive acceptance of setting boundaries combined with a clear interest in Knowing Someone has lead private people to offer up things of their lives without prompting

so, it boils down to an awareness of different communication styles across cultural lines especially, whatever those cultures' lines ARE, and a willingness to meet people in the middle to make space for them to share their life and interests in a way that is more equitable than standard small talk tends to be, with whatever sort of open ended question makes sense for your situation

Unlearning How White People Ask Personal Questions

http://www.samefacts.com/2014/05/culture-and-civil-society/unlearning-how-white-people-ask-personal-questions/