#had a huge problem on my other blog and then some irl things and idk

[olderthannetfic]

asdfgh yeah polls are not going to give you an accurate view of fandom unless they're hosted by a centralized website and even then, only for that community. Sample bias baby!

The anonymity is actually not too big a problem in certain circles of study like the humanities. There's been a lot of discussion over stuff like gaining informed consent and ethics and privacy which is a super thorny issue btw, which with the pandemic has become even more a Thing To Discuss, but basically the idea is your online identity is still basically a facet of you. Sure, it might not be the same as your IRL persona but in the same way your work identity might be different to your home persona or in-polite-company persona and that performance as shaped by space and relationships is kind of a thing a researcher is already aware they're supposed to navigate. Usernames can function just as much a performance of identity and socialization as IRL or legal names.

But this is less hard stats and more qualitative data through stuff like participatory observation and interviews. The thought of trying to get any hard stats about fandom or anything online without the aid of a larger organization gives me a headache. I'd probably narrow it down to the larger fandoms, and then the major social groups within those to push my survey. And then choose some small fandoms and more sidelined social groups do the same to them. And then make sure the data from these samples are weighted correctly. And that would only give me a rough projection with no way to tell how the canon itself each fandom is based around shaped the demographics. Idk, I'd have to refine the methodology and even then there'd be a high percentage of error since it would give me, at best, a vague guess in some trends.

--

What I would do if I were an academic who wanted to study this and I had tenure and freedom to do anything I liked (so basically zero actual academics who work on fandom) would be this:

Define my population of interest as fanfic writers who write in English.

Focus on the "big three" of FFN, AO3, and Wattpad because their scale (and the minute scale of anything else in comparison) means that taken together, they likely do represent fanfic writers overall pretty well. (Obviously, if I were looking at all languages, I'd have to look at, say, Ficbook, which is smaller than the big three but still pretty huge.) It might also be necessary to look at Quotev. I'm not sure how big it is and how much the population overlaps with Wattpad. That would require investigation.

Also look at FIMFiction and Space Battles for comparison (as spaces that are as opposite of AO3 and Wattpad as fic spaces get), though AFAIK, these are pretty small in comparison.

Collect extant fandom survey data for comparison. That means the AO3 Census, that FFN research blog from 2010, r/Fanfiction's periodic demographic surveys, etc.

Do a big survey distributed through tumblr and twitter and reddit, etc. This survey would include questions about where you found the survey and which sites you use in addition to whatever else I was interested in.

But also, and this is key, I would randomly sample the big three (four?) to find random user accounts. I would look at the profiles of those accounts and either try to contact them for survey participation in a second survey or gather data directly from them/places they link to or both. Aside from that FFN research where they looked at profile pages, I haven't really seen attempts to randomize the sample like this. Nobody tries it because it's a pain in the ass.

Issues you'd face:

no PM function on AO3

very few filled-out profiles on AO3

filled out profiles being non-random (i.e. disproportionately power users or long-time fandom people, not new n00bs, regardless of site)

low response rate even if you're able to contact people

lack of demographic and other data on most profiles on most sites (though you can often tell gender or pronouns)

people perceiving this as spam or intrusive

I would also do a comparison of archive content. This is easier to randomly sample than users are, so comparing overall archive shipping stats to what survey respondents say they like could give one insight into how well the sample of users represents the archive... or it could point to gaps between what people think of themselves as doing and what they actually do. Same for other ways of looking at content: fandom, rating, etc.

Obviously, this too would require refining, but at least trying to add these other two elements would be far more interesting than the samey voluntary surveys distributed through a couple of people's LJ flists or twitter followers that we get now.

[voidcat]

Oh yeah, might as well make another part of 'spoon appreciating (simping for) someone's writing'

I'll just start with the first major problem!! Will you take responsibility of making me simp for Verlaine and Mori?? Like...how?? I am not exaggerating when i say that that would have never happened otherwise. Your writing just changed my whole perception of the two :D and i'd like to ask "how!?" I only ever simped for chuuya and dazai! And now i simp for the boomer-times new roman-cursive versions of the two :,(

What's the problem, you may ask?🤔🤔

Well maybe the fact that my brain only accepts your portrayal of them?! None other!! (I have reread your mori & verlaine work countless times. And i still haven't grown bored of it)

So you can imagine the death grip your fics have on me 😔😔 they hold me by the throat.

And then there is something that I had mentioned once before, but I got reminded of it when I was going through a writing high last week.

The way you write some of the x-reader pieces from the Canon character's pov??? Genius. I know you didn't come up with it, but those fics in particular live in my mind rent free. Looking inside character's minds, and seeing them be whipped for reader??? I just-- I can't!! And it's unrequited love too!!

Une Larme in particular!! What have you done to my poor heart!! >:(

I can't even convey just how much i love the things you've written. 

And when I say that, I mean, you indirectly changed my own writing style!! Which only happens when i read published work and see their writing style as ASPIRING...Who would have known a bsd x reader writer on tumblr will just go and climb on top of my 'fave authors list' ?? Is that allowed?? 👁👁

Yeah. 

Voidcat >>> my faves at this point

And I'll make sure to read A Case Of Bad Luck on ao3 and send you my opinions as actual comments, instead of these (whatever you can call these) asks!! 

The problem with these asks is that I started with just wanting to say what I like about your work, then I forgot to go into some things and had to send in another ask. And now that cycle continues as I keep finding things I have yet to say!!

(So yeah, part three of spoon dumping their unfiltered stream of consciousness on voidcat!! And this will surely not be the last!! the saga continues <3 )

And yes, I shall forgive your treason of doubting me 😌😌

ik i replied in a similar way to one of ur asks before but the fact that i LEGITHAVE NO WORDS THE WAY IM AT A LOSS OF WORDS WHEN I READ THESE?!?!??!!?PLSSSSSS idk what to say other than thank you for reading and thank you for sticking around dfsgdhf ily i May actually cry, im going thru one of my mood swings this week soif i cry its on YOU and You only (to emphasize my point:i rarely cry irl so magine the weight of my words rn... YEAH theyre huge)

and well.... good news ig? bc aqua and i were discussing abt writing a mori multchap fic adfsgxdhf genshin mafia au literally blinking at us rn it took us 6 months jusr to write the intro and we r gonna abandon it for a morally questionable hot doctor whos technically ex military....

and i suck when it comes to recording but i can naybe play une larme in vc one day if u want adfsgdfh i rlly dk what to say abt verlaine, his effect on me was so unexpected too...... i rlly a man suffering and go "yea bet im taking my claim on this poor meow meow now" (the meow meow in question: literally known as the king of assassings,,, but it ok im sweet he'd not harm me... right.....)

and ik i kinda exposed this bit abt myself in an answer to u before but maybe its bc i kinda write these stuff w7o a fic in mind???like as f wriiting smt and slapping a character name later on Or more like an analysis on a character/human and maybe thtas why it feels less like a x-reader fic sajdfdgf (i def opened this blog as 'wriitng practice' bc i wanted t expand my genre of og writings......now look at me still here after a year)

and ido like to tweak things from other character perspectivesbc i think i have this,, obvious profile for a reader adfsgd so i try to appear a bt more diverse. and ilikeexploring diff views if it makes sense:D (like how i cant relate to most mitski songs but i also /can/ bc i know i /couldve/ lived through the same pain, if not similar)idk humans are interesting and w bsd characters, the questioning of your humanity, emotions etc... i guess i just get it lol

and for bad luck i do have all the stuff posted and my links should work now so if its easier u can always read them here lmao

(also..... u can always have me as ur fave author ifi ever make that one idea of writingshort storiesinto a reality and get them published,,,,)

thank you for your forgiveness<333 i'll make sure not to hurt you like that next time ipromise

OHOH waiti forgot to add,, maybe the mori fic kinda hits bc at core,,, dazai and mori are not so different after all. in their few differences, dazai is (mostly) worse than him if we are being honest. but most of the mannerism and behaviors, even that damned smile and everything.... those are all the thngs mori has bled and blended into dazai. as much as the mighty feared port mafiaisactually just dazai, dazai mostly is just actually a copy of mori. (he just appears more charming/likeable)

so yea my "if you claim to like dazai but hate mori, youre a hypocrite" agenda is back again (lets ,gnore how i never mentioned it here before) <3

[stavromulabetaaa]

wasn’t tagged by @pauleonotis but i followed their instructions to do this if i wanted to lol

1. Why did you choose your url?

it’s an extremely vague martin freeman reference. it’s from the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy book series, which martin freeman starred in the movie adaptation of. i chose it because at the time i was mainly a sherlock blog and tried to think of something adjacent.

2. Sideblogs?

i used to have a nsfw johnlock smut sideblog before the porn ban, which is now inactive. i’m also @drarryficrex where i reblog fics that intrigue me and want to bookmark for later. i apparently decided to start making rec lists too and have made two lists so far on that blog.

i’m also @drarrytiktok but i don’t post on there super often.

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

10-ish years i think? on and off over the years, but pretty consistent during the height of the tjlc days and then back again for the past two years after a break.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no and i still don’t completely understand how a queue works 😂 i’ve never used that feature and have never looked into it.

5. Why did you start your blog?

originally because it was huge when i was in high school and my friends had tumblr blogs. i came here for the aesthetic posts and stayed for fandom.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

because it’s a drawing of me by the lovely and talented @dragontamerdame <3

7. Why did you choose your header?

to match my hhgttg url

8. Post with most notes?

i think it’s this one, which was a late-night rambling about the man who lived. there’s also the chair post which doesn’t have a ton of notes but consistently pops up in my notifications every other week, and i don’t understand how people are still finding it lmao. then there was the drarry picrew post that i had no idea people would be so into and which started my obsession with drarry picrews.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

no idea! i’d say there are about 10 mutuals i regularly interact with though, even if it’s just liking each other’s posts or tagging for picrews.

10. How many followers do you have?

i honestly never look and don’t care. i only notice if i randomly gain a bunch of new followers at once because it’s in my notifications.

11. How many people do you follow?

299

12. Ever made a shitpost?

oh definitely. especially when i used to get drunk with @savetheghostswemakeforourselves over facetime and we would annoy our followers with sherlock liveblogging.

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

all the time 😬 i run my own business and can be on my phone pretty much as much as i want. a lot of the time i’m getting paid to sit around other people’s houses so tumblr helps with the boredom.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

not that i remember? i possibly started some fandom discourse by accident once though.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

i typically don’t reblog things i feel pressured to reblog. i have a huge problem with people telling me what to do irl

16. Do you like tag games?

yes! i think they’re fun

17. Do you like ask games?

yep! i don’t get asks very often though

18. Which of your tumblr friends/mutuals do you think is famous?

meh, who cares?

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i low-key crush on all my mutuals, y’all are so thoughtful and talented and welcoming. i have anxiety and adhd and i sometimes comment or message impulsively, and you guys always respond to my nonsense with kind words. thanks for putting up with me.

idk who’s done this already, i’ve seen this tag game making the rounds lately but i’ll tag @drarrymybeloved @sitp-recs @ohdrarry @tackytigerfic @seafrost-fangirl if they want to give it a go. or anyone else who wants to!

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

yeah same, i follow some fic accs that occaisionally post smut and its like mmmmm is the fluff writing enough to balance the posts that gives me finger burn trying to scroll past it? but yeah thats probably the way to go

ah i wasnt there for the teaser but i can imagine that was tantalising. lmaoo yes but to be fair i do have a writing acc called channiesbigheart so... balancing it out? but i absolutely am whipped beyond belief. it was a TRAVESTY how COULD they have. yeah the b sides gave him more lines but they werent the ones that were performed over and over at stages. yessss the line distribution in this album is impeccable, im pretty sure the thunderous stuff was some of their best distribution

hehe i can understand that, sometimes putting someone in a situation so horrible it would be considered a violation of human rights is theraputic, ya know? mmmm the differences are a bit nuts, it was 14 degrees today and in less than a week its going to be 32 or smth. BROOO that would be legendary, i bet theyd treat their artists rlly well and have great music as well ahhh but its a lot of work adn commitment. yES that is a mood if ever i heard one.

its the same in australia as well, sadly, you have people who hold up harry styles and lil nas x for breaking gender roles and wearing make up adn steryotypical womens clothing (and keep in mind i have infinite respect for both of them theyre honestly doing so much for the de-dehumanising of gay people and those who wear whatever they want), and calling the kpop boys gay and other things for doing the same thing, when theyve been doing it for years and gotten no recognition smh its so tragic. yes, anyway YES ONLY 6 MONTHS I AM FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES A BBY STAN altho i considered myself a fully fledged stay like 2 days after i got into them cos i just spent all day researching and fixating. YES someone said it. it feels like theyre losing a huge chunk of why a lot of people liked their music in teh first place, which was that whole dna, dope, fire mood. and even doing bright songs is fine, liek they should do what they want but i feel liek the western music industry is so fucking toxic that they feel pressured into making these decisions. dont get me wrong, theyre good decisions from a business perspective, theyre getting record breaking sales but still. mmm yeah honestly yg just needs to get its shit together or get out

oooh! not into nct but i see a lot of him, he seems rlly talented. ahh yes another channie ult lmaoo i feel that, my list is growing in leaps and bounds as well. mmm yeah i think i will, im just going to try to save enough money :) mingi appealed to me mostly for the voice (like felix smh what is it with me and deep voiced bois) but also his soft visuals and the whole cutesy thing he has going on i rlly liked. yes i did get into them while he was on hiatus, but im still mostly a casual stan, ill listen to the album when it comes out but i dont think ill obsessively look over everything to do with it, like skz. HAH WE'RE MORE SIMILAR THAN I THOUGHT. lmaooo the thot line describes them perfectly, why are they all so damn attractive. especially seonghwa, like that man looks like a character from a book, cardan greenbriar vibes anyone? mmhmm! his vocals are absolutely insane. ty! yeah im excited altho idk how theyre every going to beat border:carnival, that shit was impeccable. ahh no stress, enjoy teh groups you stan atm!

ahh thank you so much, ill keep that in mind. hehe thats good! hopefully its soon :( ah ty, it means a lot. ill think abt that and hopefully talk abt it a little more :)

ah, no it was inside our gymnasium but to get to the other side of the stage you had to exit the building, go around the back and then enter through the other stage door. ah tysm! im glad too. mmm same, they baffle me. ;n; noo so sad :( ahh, thats um not smth i put on here, but im in high school so make of that what you will :)

thank you! ive done a majority of them, i just have maths, an english presentation and an economic assignment due now so im pretty much home free. yeah i feel like hes the epitome of here for you while being inescapably far away. haha she sounds like one of my friends. lmaooo why is that me. hmmm i feel like youve answered a lot of them in that answer so maybe just ateez, enha, txt and bp? if you stan them? :)

ahhh no problem at all, proud of you for managing to overcome the procrastination! progress! mmm thats good! ahh pls do let me know if you ever decide that, i cant promise i wont cry but do what you gotta do :)

<3 w.a. 🐺

hi! sorry for the late reply, i didn't know how to construct sentences yesterday e.e

yeah sometimes it's the perfect balance! i personally don't like fics that focus mainly on the filth? the plot has to carry the whole fic somehow and the smut is just something to add to the mix. also, i'll follow you on your writing blog! i keep forgetting to do so, damn it.

"sometimes putting someone in a situation so horrible it would be considered a violation of human rights is theraputic, ya know?" putting it this way just silenced me but yes. angst just feels more realistic. it isn't always happy endings irl so i tend to do it a lot.

falling into skz is so easy! it felt like that for me too. stanning them felt like getting sucked into a blackhole. also yes i agree. kpop is nothing but an industry after all and it runs on money so i get why they do what they do as well.

i suggest we not talk about haechan because i will literally not shut up but yes my boy is an ace :( chan is also sooooo easy to love. and the chan's rooms just solidified his place as ult. having something to look forward to every week at a time when my mental health was just plummeting into the depths of tartarus just helped me be stable. oh yeah, mingi's deep voice is indeed sexc. and he has some wack ass duality as well! and i think seonghwa was one of the people i nearly considered as bias just because of his visuals because wow that's one beautiful face. and true, idk how enha's going to beat border:carnival. i don't like all the tracks simply bc of taste preferenceds but i like more than one so i consider that a lot already.

bro that gym should've had some sort of a covered walk :// also i miss being in high school sO DAMN MUCH. but i still feel like i am because time stopped when quarantine started and i was still in senior year at the time.

my ateez bias is wooyoung! it wasn't that much of a shocker to my kpop stan irls because i was a jimin stan for the longest time. enhypen is jake and they kept pointing out that he looked like seungmin sometimes so it's like chan's aussie-ness with a tinge of seungmin (the other guy in my skz bias line, in case i haven't mentioned it). txt is huening kai! i find it hard to believe that he's my age because he looks a lot younger? o.O and he always looks good damn :(( sigh for blackpink it's lisa! i tend to bias the maknaes of yg groups, it's a pattern i've noticed but don't intentionally do!

DON'T WASTE YOUR TEARS OMFG. you can always reach me elsewhere if i like disappear off this blog.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

[avenger-hawk]

YEAH when it comes to Team Taka, he obviously selected them for their abilities and wants them to help him with his goal to kill Itachi BUT he was also completely cool with it if they didn't want to n never guilt trip them (i freed u u have a moral obligation to help me). 16yr old me n still now think its so fucking cool. one of the kindest gestures in the series n i think what makes it kind also is that Sasuke never makes it a big royal deal about it. He is refreshing and comfortable like that. Someone that I can sit next to n not feel pressured to make conversation. But when I started to navigate the fanfiction realm with those huge ass word counts (i thought maybe the character study would be better n more detailed) and straight pairings with Sasuke he's so domineering and sexually charged and top! I went from (?) to (?????????????) very fast, dont get me wrong, they write better than me anyday n i know no one's lens of a character is exactly the same, but it was pretty jarring to me. So many people thought along those lines, I actually felt really insecure, not easy to be the minority in such a big fandom (along with my other not so popular feelings), feeling a bit lonely as I read discourse, I wasnt great with tumblr back then awkward in finding 'mutuals', also seeing how people attack others with different opinions. even my friends who like Naruto believed that popular opinion. I wasn't the best analyst, and still isn't, I would often think 'am I the one feeling it wrong?' It's been a ride with the series, it is precious to me, but I find it more comfortable n easy to enjoy it now (also I'm better with tumblr lol) as the heat is not as flaming n that I'm older n not be as insecure about my stance on the series so frequently and intensely.

Yup Sasuke respects people and with Taka he showed that he appreciates their strength and values them, and he genuinely wanted to help them, and even though he needed them to find Itachi he was ok if they didn’t accept. He’s the most tolerant and less imposing character and yet ppl see him as an arrogant domineering top who’s also a pervert and incredibly jealous and possessive. it’s crazy how dumb fans can be if they see such oocness.

Tbh to me it’s also crazy how ppl can have problems not being able to speak out their opinion because the majority has another, especially when it’s so blatantly wrong. I’m glad you now feel less limited and I’m sorry for your insecurities from back then but as someone who is insecure on many things, and who never had friends irl to discuss the manga (my ex was a fan but he didn’t like ships and stuff so it was only canon discussion), and as someone who always had unpopular opinions, on one side I understand that it’s frustrating, but on the other side I find frustrating how you guys complain about this instead of not giving a f**k about ppl’s opinion and idk, do your thing? ignore those who are different? you don’t have to read discours actually, it’s not a duty. And you don’t have to interact with ppl necessarily, if you disagree with them.

Also, if you find those opinions so wrong, because they are, can’t you use your blog to show how wrong they are? Not shitting on them necessarily, not engaging in discussions with them, but taking canon moments and writing about them.

I find so many things ooc, not just the shitty characterizations but all this shisuixsakura in the shisui tag, all the fluff everywhere for a series that is canonically darker than you admit, and all those black Sasuke &co (I mean, they’re not. clearly. don’t get me wrong, I hate when artists draw characters as super ‘caucasian’ as they call them lol, sometimes I see pink skinned everyone and those northern chins and noses and I cringe lol...and I actually don’t like characters drawn in a ‘realistic’ way when some race prevails over another, cause I like them to be unclear, since you know they’re drawings...so I don’t have a problem with it btw because I know it’s self indulgent, I just have to mention it because it IS ooc) BUT one thing about all these things that I approve is how they like the thing and do it. Even if it’s not IC, or it doesn’t make sense. So I kinda like those black characters because they’re bold lol

edit: I remembered having discussed with a veeeery popular author for the Sas*ita fandom, her characterization influenced all SI stans basically. And she admitted that she was writing her own perception, based not on the whole story but on like the parts of the story she liked more. Basically she didn’t consider canon Edo Tensei Itachi, because it went against her ideas, and the brothers’ dynamics were not her thing either because Sasuke obeyed to him too easily. But that’s canon right? So, the author most liked by SI shippers admitted that she was writing her own fave dynamic, refusing canon parts she doesn’t like, and she didn’t give a damn about it. I’m not even criticizing her! I’m saying she does what she wants, she’s an author writing for her own pleasure first. But it’s funny that 1) SI stans took her ideas as better than canon and bashed IS for seeing things in a different way 2) she does what she wants even tho it’s clearly OOC and she’s seen as a great analyst while others who do the same are seen as wrong

And at the same time those who like things/dynamics/characterizations that are not ‘popular’ are afraid to express it, why? I said it over and over and I’m not gonna say it anymore cause I’m frustrated. those who don’t express what they think online because they are afraid are playing by the majority rules and they are harming the rest of the fandom, contributing to the silencing of unpopular opinions. You are just as guilty as those who attack others if you are too coward to speak out.

And since I had enough of all this and I’m pissed off by the lack of courage of so many ppl, it’s useless to seek my comprehension cause I’m not gonna give you any. I’m sick of tired of discourse over the same bullshit over and over, I’m sick and tired of ppl complaining about discourse but not doing anything cool instead, only complaining. As if the only thing ppl can do is watch others instead of being themselves not caring about them. You aren’t better than those you criticize, if the only thing you do is criticize them, not even in your blog, not even in their dumbass faces, but using someone else’s space, like my blog, in anon form, to complain.

Y’all like Sasuke, the one who told his former teammates that he’d gonna be Hokage and change the system. During a war. Even tho he was considered a criminal by all of them. And you are afraid of some dumbass online calling you wrong? Suit yourself, but not in my blog.

Hawk out.

[meta-shadowsong]

Some Thoughts on the Jedi/Jedi Doctrine

So, I’m sometimes hesitant to write meta about the this topic/set of topics, because I kind of feel like I have to make a huge disclaimer that the more critical of my points don’t mean I think that the Jedi were Really Evil/Wrong/what have you, because they weren’t. Like, there are clear Bad Guys in SW and the Jedi (overall/as an institution; obviously there are outliers like Krell running around) are not among them. Fortunately for me, Star Wars fandom is big and broad enough that it’s easier to curate my experience and avoid the Super Polarizing Debates than it has been in some other fandoms I’ve participated in, but the nature/relative Goodness of the Jedi Order is one of the ones that’s just...a fact of life in the PT-era/Clone Wars sections of the fandom that are my focus. And it’s basically Discourse™ bait.

(Which is not to say I don’t want discussion! If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be posting this in a public/semi-public forum, lol. Just that…IDK, there’s a difference between discussion and Discourse™, especially on topics like this.)

Anyway, all that aside, my stance can basically be summed up as: “The Jedi did far more good than harm and were, on the whole, well-intentioned people doing the best they could with the resources and information they had; however, I feel like there are some notable issues in their doctrine and practices which are worth discussing.” In other words, I generally lean more towards the Jedi Positive end of the spectrum – but, given the polarization in fandom on this particular topic, this occasionally makes me feel almost guilty when I make any kind of critical comment. Hence, massive disclaimers, to make up for that and attempt to be clear on where I’m coming from. But when my disclaimers start to feel almost as long as the actual essay I’m trying to write, that starts to take the fun out of it for me, hence my occasional hesitation.

That being said, for a variety of reasons, I decided to write up a few things that have been percolating in my head for a while, because why have a meta blog if I’m not going to use it, right? So, here we are.

This post is kind of a grab bag of three or four things, discussing both the Jedi themselves and how they’re sometimes portrayed, on varying levels of specificity. Being a grab bag, it’s not necessarily super coherent/a nice flowy essay, just some Thoughts. Oh, also, as a note – since, as far as I know, we lack a good canon catch-all, I use ‘Force adept’ as a general term for trained Force-users who may or may not be Jedi or Sith.

All right. Once again reiterating the massive disclaimer that I don’t think any of this makes the Jedi evil – here we go.

First, one of the things I have a problem with is more a perception/discussion thing than an in-universe thing – the idea that comes up sometimes in Jedi-positive discussions, that the Jedi path is The Right Way, or at least The Best Way to be an active Force adept without being Evil. Full stop. For all people, under all circumstances.

I think I’ve touched on this before, but my feelings on this particular issue really boil down to, “The Jedi aren’t wrong, but that doesn’t mean they have a monopoly on being right.” And I tend to come away from some Jedi-positive meta, even if I overall agree with the point the person in question is trying to make, with a bad taste in my mouth, feeling like it’s been framed as a One True Way type of thing. This is, admittedly, my problem, and not anyone else’s – which is why I’m discussing this in my own post, rather than derailing any of the ones I’ve seen that rubbed me in this particular wrong way. But it’s part of why I’m somewhat uncomfortable discussing my thoughts on Jedi practices and philosophy with anyone other than a select circle of fandom friends who I know for sure don’t skew that way. Even, as I said, when I lean more towards the Jedi-positive end of the spectrum.

Anyway, back on topic.

Practically speaking, there is a certain amount of truth to this idea by the time the PT rolls around, because of the relationship between the Order and the late Republic, and the overall sociopolitical setup of the main/focal portion of the galaxy. The Jedi have authority and reputation and presence in a way that other orders, if they’re out there, and/or independent Force adepts don’t. For example – off the top of my head, I believe the Guardians of the Whills, whether Force-adepts or not, whether Jedi-affiliated or not, seem to work in a pretty narrow geographic range; Dathomir (which, as I believe I’ve discussed previously, seems to be an entire planet/culture of people who are Force-sensitive to a perceptible degree, though not everyone necessarily reaches Jedi potential) also tends to mostly concern itself with its own affairs, apart from Mother Talzin and her ambitions. (There’s also the fact that they tend to read as/be grouped with Dark Side adepts, and I have some Thoughts on that/the Nightsisters as Dark Side adepts vs. Sith as Dark Side adepts as well, but that is a topic for a separate essay.)

But this isn’t about practicalities, it’s about philosophy/doctrine, and that’s where it starts getting sticky for me.

Okay. The Jedi basically have a core principle, and everything they do/believe comes from that – be more compassionate than you are selfish. And that’s great! That’s a good foundation for just about any philosophy/religion/culture. Quite a few IRL belief systems can be broken down to something similar, or even if it’s not a fundamental tenet, would still generally be considered a good/ideal way to live one’s life(1).

The problem is, when you break Jedi philosophy and doctrine down that far, it kind of loses a lot of its actual meaning? Which is to say, everything that makes it specifically Jedi philosophy – since, like I said, this is not an uncommon precept.

But the Order, like most belief systems, then takes the next step and says “okay, we’ve accepted this premise/goal, now here is our view on how to actually do that.” And at that point, when we start getting into the specifics, there are things that are not universal.

For example, considering the idea of avoiding attachment – not as it’s normally used in discussions about the Jedi, i.e., in the individual/interpersonal relationships sense, but in the broader/community sense.

The Jedi are more or less a closed community; while they do interact with the wider world when called upon, to provide aid, they’re pretty insular in their daily/personal lives outside of missions. And that is one way to achieve this core goal, to set the organization up as truly objective outsiders/advisors/judges/what have you.

But another would be to be fully integrated in a wider/outside community, either as individuals or as smaller groups/lineages, with connections to the overall Order that can be drawn on to share knowledge/resources/etc. as needed. Basically, trading outsider perspective for insider knowledge. Different ways of gaining the trust of the people you’re trying to help, with advantages and disadvantages to both. (For an IRL analogy, consider the way different orders of, say, Catholic monks and nuns operate, some more cloistered than others. Not a perfect comparison, necessarily, but something in the ballpark. Same goal, different approaches.)

My point here is not to imply or say that the Jedi path is a bad one, because it’s not. My point here is, as I said before, the idea that it’s the only correct path, or even the best path for all people (and/or Force adepts) in all circumstances, really sits wrong with me. Of course, this is all reflective my own personal beliefs, which tend to be pluralistic and avoid like the plague anything that claims to be the One True Way. Because that doesn’t even really hold up on Earth, which is a single planet with a single sentient species(2). If we expand that to an entire galaxy, with multiple species, it seems even shakier. And, yes, I know that Star Wars doesn’t actually do a whole lot with the idea of making alien species and their thought processes Different from humans beyond superficial details/attributes(3), but there’s still a point to be made here.

TL;DR: the galaxy, and, by extension, the Force, is far too big and complex for there to be only one right answer/path. Even building on the same baseline premise of “be more compassionate than you are selfish.”

Okay. Moving on to my next point, which is less about the way the Jedi are talked about and more about the Jedi themselves, and how they communicate with outsiders.

Short version: the Jedi are really, really bad at explaining who they are and how they think/operate to outsiders.

And, you know, I’m not saying they have to be good at it, or even necessarily that they should be. They don’t owe anyone those answers.

But it is something that can very much work against them, especially when they play a public role in galactic life. It’s easy for Palpatine to turn that on its head, especially when the Jedi don’t have the tools or the experience or the desire to play the propaganda game themselves. Again, not saying they should, just that they don’t, and there are downsides to it as well as advantages; and they’re up against someone whose primary wheelhouse is playing against exactly this kind of disadvantage.

That’s not the thing I want to focus on, actually, but it’s the most obvious thing so I felt like i should mention it. But that’s really more about the role of propaganda in the galaxy itself and other people, who are much smarter/more focused than I am and have put a lot of work into that topic have done it a lot better than I ever could.

But another way this comes into play is with their recruitment practices. For at least the past thousand years(4), the Jedi have only taken in infants/toddlers/very young children. Meaning, everyone that they do need to make understand Who They Are and How They Do grows up steeped in all of this, learning more or less by osmosis (because early-childhood neuroplasticity augmented by the Force) so there isn’t all that much need for overt explanations of How and Why the Jedi do things This Way, because it gets absorbed on a subconscious/instinctive level from the very beginning.

And, obviously this isn’t 100% successful – see, the Lost Twenty, not to mention any who left the Order as Padawans/before whatever marker makes them Count among the Twenty/as I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned before, I’m pretty sure we only have actual identifying information about like 1% of the Jedi Order (~100 out of ~10,000), so any broad statements should be taken with a grain of salt.

But what I’m trying to get at here is that this practice has put the Order in a position where they’ve basically lost the skills and reference points needed to teach people who come to it late. Converts, in other words.

And then it becomes sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy/a cycle which continually reinforces itself – older students have difficulty adapting to the lifestyle/culture, but is that because they’re past a set point where they can’t learn it/adapt, or because the Order’s approach has left it with a weak point when it comes to helping them through that transition? Which then leads to older students having difficulty adapting, which leads to the Order not taking in older students unless they Have To because they can’t adapt, which leads to further adjustment/integration issues for the few they do take, and on and on.

This is especially the case when it comes to older kids from…let’s call them complicated backgrounds, which we see with both Anakin and Ventress.

(Again interjecting a disclaimer – this is in no way saying that Anakin was justified in what he did, or that the Jedi Order deserved it, or anything like that. I have a meta buried somewhere that uses an elaborate road-building metaphor which I should probably post at some point about the various factors that go into Anakin making all the wrong choices; jumping off from that metaphor, this is probably one of the ways the Palpatine got his paving materials, but that doesn’t make the Order responsible for either what Palpatine did with them, or Anakin’s choice to walk on the road Palpatine built for him.)

Anyway.

With Ventress, Ky Narec keeps her away from the Order as a whole, so she’s deprived of the community aspects of the culture – but also insulated from the can’t-fit-in problems she probably would’ve faced with her peers (because, even without the additional communication issues I’m talking about, this is a thing that happens when outsiders/newcomers attempt to join tight-knit communities, even if no one is being overtly/deliberately exclusive). Assuming he’d have even been allowed to keep her if he’d brought her back (which is not at all a guarantee; look at what it took for the Order to accept Anakin). …y’know, on that note, I really wish there was more about the two of them and their relationship/how he taught her/why he decided to handle her this way/etc. But I digress.

Of course, in the end, Narec’s choice ends up being a negative – when he dies, she has no one else to turn to. As far as I know, we don’t have any information on whether she attempted to reach out to the Order and explain herself/hope for acceptance there before running to Dooku, so there’s maybe an additional story there. Either way, we know where she ended up. And this issue of how to handle/communicate effectively with candidates who got locked out of the loop because of when and how they were identified probably played a significant role in her story. If only because it almost certainly informed Ky Narec’s choices.

With Anakin, of course, he’s raised within the Order, and gets the full impact of the community – both the positives and the negatives, being essentially an outsider. We don’t have a lot of canon about his first couple years there, but given everything we do know about his early childhood and the culture he was trying to join, I think there were major cracks in the foundation from the start, despite probably everyone involved trying their best to make things work.

The background radiation of Anakin’s childhood, whether he experienced this directly or not, was that he has to prove he’s worth keeping, or he’ll be thrown away. So, bearing in mind that a lot of this is conjecture, my guess is he spent the first couple of years really trying to measure up, and hiding where he was having problems, because he doesn’t want to seem like a bad investment. Fake it til you make it, essentially(5). Especially given the way his induction was botched – and I’m not saying that the Jedi should have automatically accepted him, but the back and forth on the issue and the way initially refusing him was handled (he really should not have been in the room for that conversation) didn’t help matters/reinforced this issue/made him hyper-aware of how hard it had been for him to even get here, let alone keep his place(6).

Meanwhile, on the Order’s end of things, once they did accept him, I believe they genuinely tried to help him adjust. But, again, they’re making this up as they go along, too; so I feel like those first couple years was a lot of not-quite-meeting in the middle. They get close enough that the deeper issues are masked, but they still just slightly fall short of one another. Which, at least at this point(7), is not really anyone’s fault, just a difficult situation because of the conflicting backgrounds and expectations of the various parties involved, that didn’t necessarily actually get resolved, so much as compensated for. But those foundational cracks still present, leading to a complete collapse later.

Again, this doesn’t excuse the particular way Anakin handled that collapse at all. Also, IMO, none of these issues are necessarily insurmountable – without Palpatine actively working towards the worst possible outcome, my guess is that things would’ve come to a head in a much less destructive manner, and maybe earlier, as well. Whether the resulting course-correction/repair would’ve kept Anakin in the Order or not…IDK. Could go either way. The point is, between Anakin’s particular background and the Jedi Order’s general lack of facility in dealing with older students/kids from complicated backgrounds/outsiders in general (and some active reinforcement from Palpatine), there’s a not-insignificant gap in understanding/communication/trust right from the start, and it’s never entirely healed.

Insert clever segue here, and we move on to my third point, about the Chosen One prophecy.

As a note, I come at this mostly from a fanfic writing perspective, rather than a literary analysis perspective. And in my fic, I don’t actually deal with the prophecy all that much. But when I do, I really like the reading that the Chosen One is intended to be a catalyst for change. To put the Jedi Order/galaxy as a whole in a position for the final defeat of the Sith, whether by defeating the SIth with their own hands or by sparking a shift in the way the Order interacts with the threat/the galaxy as a whole.

Basically, per my reading of the situation, the Order has, over the past thousand years, become a little bit ossified/stagnant(4) in terms of its doctrine and practices. They’re pretty inwardly focused on their traditions and This Is How To Jedi (as an group/institution; as in most practices/cultures, this varies from individual to individual, with some being extremely flexible in their application of doctrine and some much less so), with intervention in the outside world in specific crises as they arise. This approach is at least in part a result of the way things were restructured following the Ruusan reformations, because that is what the Order needed to be at that point in time. But then they just sort of got…stuck there. This is, again, not necessarily a mark against them/proof they’re Really Not The Good Guys or any BS like that. Like I mentioned before, they still do way more good than harm, and are genuinely well-intentioned on the whole. It’s just a Thing that tends to happen. Institutions – and the Order is an Institution, in this sense – are slow to change on their own, and tend to just become The Same Thing But More So. Especially when they’re put in a position where they don’t necessarily need to change, and attempting to do so might cause a fair amount of short-term, maybe even long-term, damage, which could be either internal or external.

But this tendency, and the particular way they’ve become The Same Thing But More So, has left the Jedi Order woefully unprepared and unequipped to deal with the particular threat that Palpatine, and the generations of Sith legwork he’s building on, present.

Which brings us to the Chosen One.

Who is, in this reading(8), essentially a wakeup call from the Force, that the shit is about to hit the fan.

But Anakin and his induction/relationship with the Order were mishandled, as previously discussed. Once again, I feel a need to disclaim – I am not in any way blaming the Order for what happened. Anakin may have a Destiny, but he’s also a sentient being with free will and he actively chose to fulfill said Destiny in the worst possible way.

What I am saying is that the response to this warning was maybe not as thorough/helpful as it could have been. Both on a small scale, when dealing with the individual beings directly involved, and on a large scale, in terms of the questions Anakin and all that he is (with or without the full weight/text of the Prophecy as a factor) could have raised about Order doctrine and practices, which might have put them in a slightly better position when Palpatine initiated his endgame. It may still have been too little, too late – or it may have been enough to significantly change the outcome.

And, to be fair, I think that the Order – or, at the very least, Master Yoda – realized this over the course of the Clone War. That the Order had become stagnant/too attached to Tradition/not as dynamic as it needed to be, I mean. And, if Anakin had made better choices or if circumstances had fallen out differently, I genuinely believe that the Order would have seen some significant change, to adapt to the galaxy as it had become, not the one it was at their last major shift a thousand years ago. Which they do anyway – granted, we don’t know much about how Luke was running things in canon, but in Legends, he took a slightly different approach to the core philosophy and the doctrine built on it, adapting what he’d been taught to the galaxy that he’d grown up in. But, again, that’s as a result of Anakin serving as a catalyst for change in the worst possible way because he made all the wrong choices.

…yeah, that last section, in particular, I’ve been sitting on for a long, long time, trying to figure out how to word it without sounding creepy and victim-blamey. As I keep stressing, none of this changes the enormity of Anakin’s choice, because he had other options and he chose this one. And while the Order could have handled things better in the lead up to that final crossroads, which might have put all of them in a better position when they got there, they didn’t make that choice for him any more than Palpatine did.

So…yeah. There it is. Some of my more critical thoughts about the Jedi Order of the PT/Late Republic era. Like I said. I’m not sure how coherent this is, it’s just…sort of a grab bag of thoughts.

To sum up: The Jedi were well-intentioned and did more good than harm; they were not wrong, but that doesn’t mean they have a monopoly on being right; there are some flaws in their approaches to certain issues such as communication, particularly with outsiders, and change, which in no way mean they caused or deserved what happened to them; however, in the full knowledge that I am looking at this from an outside perspective/with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, there are better choices they could have made which might well have improved the situation.

(1)Disclaimer: it’s been at least ten years since I’ve done any serious comparative religions study, but this is broadly true to the best of my recollection.

(2)Debates about cetaceans, etc., aside.

(3)Which is actually one of the things I really liked about Alliances, and the way Timothy Zahn handles the Chiss in general – it’s a little closer to the CJ Cherryh style of sci-fi, where aliens may be similar to humans, but there are fundamental differences in the way they think and organize themselves; so the fact that Chiss Force adepts function very differently from Force adepts in the main part of the galaxy is pretty cool to me. Whether the two approaches could adapt and learn from each other in the long run is a fascinating question…

(4)Going by Legends canon here; current canon has yet to give me any deep backstory, so my approach to anything more than 100 years pre-TPM is ‘canon until proven otherwise,’ because there’s little to no historical context for things without that. And I feel like discussions on this topic are really hard to have/missing something significant without that historical context.

(5)I also think that this particular strategy – fake it til you make it, excel in specific areas which cover up the deep flaws in others/your foundation – is something that the Order is vulnerable to in general, even with children who did grow up in the culture. See, Barriss. …there’s probably a whole essay or three, talking about the ways Barriss and Anakin and Ventress and their stories parallel one another, but that is a topic for another day.

(6)Granted, he does get past this, at least to some extent, later (as we can see in the way he deals with his superiors in AOTC and ROTS; if nothing else, he’s identified how much wiggle room he has and is confident enough to go right up to the edge of what he can get away with, even risking going past it in certain contexts and on certain issues), but that doesn’t necessarily mean that this has actually been fixed, just that he’s found ways to get around it and function in his new environment.

(7)As sort of implied in the last footnote, there does more or less come a point where Anakin kind of stops trying with anyone other than a few close, trusted people – and, again, on the one hand this shows a remarkable success in rewriting some of the coping mechanisms he developed in childhood which are no longer helpful for him in his new life, in that he’s less focused on Being Worth Keeping apart from not wanting to disappoint, for example, Obi-Wan; but it also doesn’t necessarily address some of his root issues. And because of this gap in understanding, Anakin comes away with the impression, accurate or not, that he’s never really going to win the trust/approbation of his peers and superiors, which alienation Palpatine can prey on later. Again, none of this excuses the way Anakin eventually acts on that alienation. But it’s there.

(8)There’s another reading that I kind of like – though it leans a little harder into the Fate end of the scale rather than free will – which is that Anakin is at the nexus of both the Jedi Chosen One prophecy and the Sith’ari prophecy from Legends. I.e., some ancient Jedi and Sith did the same thing Ezra and Maul did, bashing a pair of holocrons together to seek some kind of Revelation, and came out with conflicting but not necessarily contradictory answers. But, again, that hits the Fate end of the scale a lot harder than I normally like, though the possibility of it is interesting to contemplate when I write stuff where ROTS happened as in canon (i.e., I referenced this idea in Sanctuary.)

[bangtantannie]

Here’s to 2019

Aren’t y’all just LOVIN all of the activity coming from me today?? aklfa Hal said if there aren’t reblogs let there be CONTENT! idk what i’m even saying omg ahdjshe ANYWAY!  2018... if I could sum it up this was the year of a new beginning. The end of 2017 was an absolute mess I don’t even wanna think about, and I’m pretty sure I was begging every divine figure out there for a better 2018. And,, well, I got it. 2018 will go down in my books as the year I started everything. I picked up a new hobby and got back into an old one, I got to try new things, learn new things - but most importantly, I started this blog and got to meet so so so many new people. So I wanted to say thank you, to every one that’s been with me down to the last hour of 2018 - all one hundred ninety six of you, whether you are a follower or a mutual. Down below are some people in particular that have had an impact on my life, simply because tumblr exists.

2018 was the year of a new beginning, here’s to 2019 being the year of making the best of what I have

Warning: I have quite the essay

@ultmay @ve1vetyoongi You guys were the first people that actually interacted with me on tumblr and I just, appreciate you guys so much. Like, if it weren’t you guys commenting on my first writing post my time as a writer on tumblr probably would’ve stopped with that post forever. I love you guys so so much, and we don’t get to talk often but i hope that you guys know I do think about you and hope you’re healthy, well, and happy! Don’t be afraid to message me if you ever need anything or if you just wanna talk about anything and everything! I hope 2019 treats you guys well! 

@carrotgguk, @officialjoon, @yoonchangi, @skippinginclouds, @namjoonieftw You guys,, I love you guys so much jfc. I met y’all at different times but damn, you all really do have a special place in my heart. Seeing your names pop up in any chat we’re in together makes me so happy, excited, and soft all at the same time it’s crazy! There have been so many times I literally laughed out loud at something you guys sent into a chat. Being able to rabbit with you and hear most of your voices (I know I haven’t heard everyone’s yet but I am ready and excited whenever the time comes) honestly makes my day. Sometimes I just, can’t believe you guys are really out there, living and EXISTING. I really hope I can meet y’all irl one day because imma hug the shit out of every one of you. I hope 2019 is the year that you all are living your best lives,, and if it isn’t well that’s okay! There are many years to come and I can only hope I’ll be there for them <333 (also, someone pls tell Roro this post exists if i haven’t told them already because i don’t have their JK FOUND YOU @chaotikia )

@sugadrop Tiff, you are probably the oldest friend I have if we’re talking in terms of meeting on kkt. Honestly, there’s just something about you that makes me just want you to be happy forever. And your happiness makes me so so happy. There isn’t much i can say that I haven’t told you already, so I’ll just say that I hope our friendship lasts a long time and I genuinely hope we have many years together. I love you so so much Tiff, but I think you already know that xD I hope 2019 is you being out there and living your best life :)

@namseoktual Cai, my cute ASS grandma I love you. I don’t tell you that often (and I should really start jfc) but damn,, I love having you in the chat. you’re so funny and your input and reactions are such a mood. I love how every time you pop into the chat we all immediately stop to give you the welcome and attention you deserve. All the times you were drunk and unleashing chaos on the chat were some g o o d times. You manage to come in at peak chaos times in the chat and then you just know just the thing to get everyone goin I LOVE IT. God I hope 2019 is a good year for you, you deserve it.

@tinyjhs Mae, my “soft” not so soft grandma. (yes i’m bringing it back) I love you, and I don’t think i tell you that enough these days. You are so crazy, but so so funny. I love hearing about your day and having meme battles. I also love being randomly blessed with your voice notes because you just felt like it. If you’re ever feeling down I will be there to attempt to cheer you up. You helped me through my sad boi days and dfakkjsa I appreciate you listening to my problems so so much. I am so so so lucky to be able to call you my friend. I hope 2091 gives you everything you’re looking for in the world.

@tatavangogh Monet, the “innocent” one. Seeing you play the innocent card in the midst of PEAK chaos in the chat makes my brain go awklfhlskhfa (and,, I hope you’re watching out for my attack). But I also love and appreciate the fact that you’re always so supportive and caring. I met you earlier than most of the deer squad, but I’m so glad that I got the chance to really get to KNOW you. Like, wow you are an amazing person that’s so sweet and funny. AND I love just how were greet each other by screaming our names first, then saying hi later xD I hope we’re friends for a long ass fuckin time.

@adoreyoongi Daddy Ranch, god l love seeing you all soft in the chat. And i love melting over yoongi pics with you. Seeing you only adding to the chaos that’s normal in our chat is honestly one of the best parts of my day sometimes. You come up with the most interesting, most creative things and I just wonder how you come up with it. I’ll always be there when you’re away at an absolutely ridiculous hour of the night because you were playing video games or you just felt some strange need to c l e a n. Please don’t ever change Rachel, I love you the way you are and I would fight anyone that tries to hurt you.

@crankybangtan Mads, the true deer of the squad. I love and your positivity. Not to mention your reactions to some of the C R A Z I E S T shit we talk about in the chat is equally relatable on a spiritual level and hilarious. Even tho we have a huge time difference, we still manage to catch each other because you’re awake at the crack of dawn while I’m awake at some unholy hour in the night,, and I’m glad but not glad we do what we do? I like talkin to you and the fact you actually gave me your netflix password (which I haven’t used yet idk why LMAO) astounds me. Here’s to a year of making sense of a chat full of crackheads. 

@mainaisikyunnhoon Ash, my wife, my twin, my favorite hooman. Without you, I don’t even know where i would be without you. For one, I definitely wouldn’t be talking to anyone because, well i’d probably be one of those people that just lurk in chats... too scared to say anything. Not to mention you’re always so funny, and you’re kind, and just so so wise! Like, god you have a way with words that reassures me so much and I know I can always go to you for anything. I could never thank you enough Ash. I hope you know I will always be there for you just as much as you already are there for me. Truly, thank you. I hope 2019 is filled with lots of love (from me especially) and just, nice, easy living. 

[jellyf-yve]

Dearest, let me just talk to you for a second, okay? Whoever sent you that awful message is so wrong. I'm one of the anons who sent you an ask during your hiatus and finding your blog has had such a positive influence on me. You are definitely not alone. Not only do you have your online friends, in-person friends, and family who care about you, but even strangers and people in other parts of the world who admire you from afar who see you as such a brave, strong, and inspirational person. And if you take into consideration everyone who exists now and who has existed before, you are even less alone, you know? Because even if you can't talk to them, there are definitely people out there who have gone through or are currently going through similar situations, people who have gone through lots of pain and lonely nights and deal with your mental and physical conditions. So, please don't feel broken, and remember that there is always hope for you and that there's a chance things won't be this bad forever.

Let me tell you a little about the positive impact you've had on my life.

Since finding your blog, it's inspired me to be more open about my own issues, even in fandom spaces. I know online, there are lots of people who don't want to post about their struggles (which I totally understand, but it also made me feel somewhat isolated sometimes like "Oh God I am the person with the most messed-up personal life in this fandom and should be put in the mental ward instead of reading fluff" and similar negative thoughts towards myself). I have a group of writer friends and I try to keep things light-hearted but I'm finally opening up more about why I can't always be cheerful and upbeat. Before, I thought there was something "wrong" about sharing mental problems when you're a fic writer (since fics are supposed to be an escape from irl sadness and issues) but I've gotten so much love and support.

I've also started to put more "pain" into my writing (thanks to what I said before). Since I don't have to hide anymore, writing can be a way I express what I'm going through. And overall writing has become one of the healthier ways I try to cope better than before (since I have issues related to thoughts of not wanting to exist, SH, finding no help because of my medical issues, trauma, etc.)

I've missed your fics on Tumblr, too, and think you are so talented. But I haven't wanted to send any asks that would make you feel pressured to post them until you're ready to again. The only reason I'm bringing it up now is to let you know that you do bring value into the world with your writing, you cheer people up, I love your headcanons and your style is so unique.

And to end things on a light-hearted note, you also got me even more interested in lee/ler content, especially in regards to Hawks (yep, I'm the anon who shares some similar fandoms and have especially been going through a big Hawks obsession thanks to Season 6) and just exploring less common types of fic themes without caring as much what people think. Idk if I'm explaining myself right but basically I feel more courageous nowadays to put 'unusual' things in my writing, because my friends love it, and the people who don't like it can just go away and not read if it's supposedly too 'weird' for them, hahaha xD

Take care of yourself, Kaeri! You are an angel and I wish you lots of love and positivity, and I know if your fav characters existed all of them would be cheering you on too!

hi again, anon!<3

i'm answering you now cause in this moment my mental healt is about to leave and i'm trying to distract myself

first of all, a huge thank you for this message.

it made up my whole day

this morning i woke up and i felt terrible, like i was going to pass out or throw up at any moment

but then at school i received this message and my face lit up like a smiling baby

seriously, much love to you, anon<3

thank you also for the "middle" part of the ask. i could say my heart got sparkles as i read it. [the whole message had the same effect, but most of all when you shared your experience/opinion<3]

and i'm glad you like my fics too<3 yes, I've had an obsession for hawks since there was hero billboard chart, so up towards the end of the fourth season of my hero academia

his lee/ler it's relatively little but it's so good😭

i might have said this many times in answering you but yes...

thank you again, anon<33

i don't think i can thank you enough actually XD but i tried eheh

if you like, we could put up a signature for you whenever you want to ask me something [for example, emoji/word+anon, like "💮anon", it's up to you! if you don't want to it's completely fine!!]

anyways, have a good day/night<33

[eternal-bangtan]

So long story short I was a really big fan of bts for awhile but I got bored of them when boy with luv came out, didn’t listen to it that much but it grew on me. Tonight my mom called me into her room bc bts was on James Corden and it made me realize that idk I’ve kinda felt empty without them. The point of this: I don’t really like one of the members. I don’t wanna say because I know the backlash for this member would be awful. I don’t know what to do bc I always hear Stan one of none. Plz help

holy shit i never thought that i can get an ask like this and i dont even know if im the right person or can explain properly dhdjdjdd but im gonna just say my thoughts ok? maybe they will help u maybe they wont we r all different and need different approaches right

to me personally the idea of ‘stan ot7’ is a whole realization that everything matters and without 7 members/fans/some dumb shit/whatever happened good or bad there wouldnt be bts we know and that member u may not like is also as huge part of this path as other members without this one member at some point there could not be bts at all its a short version of my thoughts

i dont wanna sound too loud or weird rn but every time people say ‘i read the lyrics and that song spoke to me oh it helped oh this song helped me to accept and love myself oh this song made me cry cuz this is the way i felt too this cured my depression this gave me strength etc’ if everything didnt happen the way it did (aka 7 members complicated path a lot of shit but also good things) there wouldnt be these comments from ppl all over the world there wouldnt be songs wouldnt be uh lets call them saved fans cuz as i saw many people discovered them when they felt really bad and their songs and lyrics and messages helped them

so about not liking one member

1 when i first discovered bts and watched my first mv (ok even before that and when i only saw one clip of bts randomly without knowing them) i had a bias already and he made me dig a little deeper and when i decided to have a blog on tumblr at first i was following only blogs about this member and no one else and thought meh i only liked him why should i follow someone else related blogs rn 🤷‍♂️ and i didnt know how the whole kpop wolrd worked at that time lol

2 after some time i got used to them but felt a little strange about couple members i just couldnt get them i was puzzled and careful

3 after some more time i watched a lot of content i read some things and oK i got a whole ass knowledge (idk how many months passed) about every member and i remember having a ‘oh my god i love him so much hes such an amazing human being and makes my heart melt’ thingy with every memberrr at some point but it happened gradually

but in ur case u were a big fan as u say before idk for how long idk how old r u idk what kind of person r u so this may be a little harder

so what do i think about not liking one member

we all r very different and our surroundings r very different and our minds too and our preferences etc etc etc and if u think about it as not a kpop situation it would be normal right dhsjdj but we r here talking about kpop and it has some rules so,,, i will continue i personally tried to get to know those members a little more and better to understand them to know what do they feel and how do they treat others or how others treat these members and what r their roles etc and even if i didnt like some idk lets say ‘habits’ after some time i just accepted these ‘habits’ like a part of their personality u know? but yeah at this point i think of them as a family hdjdjdjd after stuff they have been through and how they all supported each other,,, idk its so precious to me its huge and important maybe im a lil oversensitive or empathic but i get it a little and appreciate that they became the way they r today ( while im writing all of this somehow THE EDINGING OF WE R BULLETPROOF ETERNAL KEEPS PLAYING IN MY HEAD AND IM ALMOST A SOBBING MESS) idk how it works but with bts u r breaking ur own principles and it makes sth inside of u expand and be more open minded and mentally flexible

but yO recently in their interviews they mentioned how hard it is ( i think it was hoseok i even took a screenshot oNE SEC) here it is

cr to op

so as u see its a normal thing and even they got used to each other after some time 🤷‍♂️ (i mean not from the beginning and they needed that t i m e to learn and grow up and accept etc) and ITS REALLY PRECIOUS THAT THEY R AT THIS POINT RN THAT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH it makes me think a lot about me and my friends and rethink some shit or the way i behave 😔

but wait was ur question ‘how do i accept the fact that everyone says love ot7 and i love ot6’ or ‘how do i love that seventh member’

ok about first question even tho i dont like solos etc even tho im ot7 i can say that people love to generalize anyway or love to attack or make assumptions so if u r not thinking anything bad about that member or not discrediting him and u r really realizing his huge role in their group and u just not a big fan of his ‘personality’ i think its not awful cuz we may not like some certain things in people and it happens esp irl with ppl 🤔 but if u r that type of ot6 like ‘ugh when will ______ quIT I H8TE HIM HES ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS’ its not good cuz well h8ing is the most self destructing thing lol and well wishing that someone should quit is also bad (and im saying this not from fans point of view) and should i even explain why

if its about second question hm u know after the beginning of this path of stanning bts and this fandom i faced many of my inner demons all of a sudden and after realizing whats the reason whats the source of those demons and after some work with them i felt a lot better and freer and relieved,, what if after accepting this seventh member and starting liking him too u will feel better too? what if its about having an inner conflict i really mean it think about ‘what do i not like about him/ why do i not like this or that/ is this that bad/ what if i liked ___ about him even tho i never liked this ever in my life/can i change the way i feel about it/ etc’ maybe u have this question in ur head rn cuz it meant to happen and u meant to work with ur inner state through this ?

i truly believe in few things 1 everything happens for the better (even tho realization can hit after many years) 2 everything happens in the best timing (for this thing! in ur life and u r ready for it) 3 if u dont like something and cant get rid of it just change ur reaction/perseption whatever that word is saying this from my own experience and there r more but dhhdhd

so at first just think about it if u need u can write it down somewhere it will help u to get to know urself better as well

ok maybe its not that deep but for quite some time whenever something bothers me i write it down to the notes starting from what happened what do i feel what exactly made me feel like this and why and what can i do to feel better

fr everyone can think of everything like ‘its not that deep’ but at the end of the day literally everything even little thing can help us with our mental state (after some work ofc) we better not underesetimate this world and things that happen to us 😔😔😔

also i wanna apologize for couple things english is not my first language so i tried my best but ofc there r typos and yes i dont have a habit of using punctuation i hope its not a big problem to u 😔

[artbycarlyh]

2019 Summary of Art

It’s easy to say that 2019 wasn’t really my best year, in terms facing online drama and IRL problems, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t improve my craft. Sure my mental health may have pressured me as I try to get things done, but not everything can be ready in a week when you do work for others as well. It’s also important to take breaks when necessary, in order to take care of yourself.

The death of my younger brother really have took a huge toll on me and my family’s state of minds, it actually ended up changing our lives. Let’s just say, it hasn’t been the same; waking up to not hear any screaming, having snacks filled in the kitchen cabinets, sodas in the fridge and not in hiding. Funny how traditions you dealt with on a daily bases, just… vanishes…

There were also moments, where I doubt on whether I can even reach the goals I want to achieve, as a content creator. Despite all those troubles though, I still managed to pull through, and continued on trying to improve. IDK when Gravity Rider will get back into the spotlight again, until that happens, it’ll continue to still be in development ’till ready. Hopefully with some extra help from my boyfriend, since he’s actually doing a binge play through of the entire Kingdom Hearts saga rn (which is the main inspiration for the series), lol.

I’m actually proud on how my anatomy has been getting better, with slightly more realistic bodies, heads, and poses. It’s been nice to get out of “same-face syndrome hell”, with the OCs I’ve been making too. I even ended up with a few project ideas I plan to make, to get back into webcomics again. There are still a few things to I need to work on; such as complex backgrounds, anatomy placements, and maybe some depth perception. Just need to study more on actual photos of places and people.

Some obsessions had phase through this year as well, such as reading through most of Junji Ito’s works, getting into Splatoon, that weird Lilo and Stitch binge I had after going to Maui, and getting back into Pokemon. Even got myself into new series’ such as Fire Force and Hazbin Hotel.

I’ve also managed to get a few goals done for this year, such as opening for commissions, made a merch store, and providing speedpaints. I’ve also been thinking on how I could branch out my videos and maybe do some commentary on certain topics (like every generic artist would…); but I’m curious on what you guys would like to see, feel free to give suggestions if any.

My resolutions for the upcoming year would probably be trying to stay more positive; it may be somewhat impossible since you can’t avoid the drama that happens online, especially when it comes to media franchises, but hearing my online superior talking about them really affected my mental state, and I really don’t wanna go through it again… Another one would probably be me trying to be more active and try to talk to people more, I can’t help that I always have a hard time speaking out what’s on my mind, but I at least wanna share my thoughts with everyone.

Despite all the trouble and pain me and my family got through, I’m truly thankful to everyone who came by to give their support. The fact that I have nearly hundreds of people following me, not only loving my art, but willing to stick by and watch me grow as an artist, really means so much. I want to do all that I can to keep inspiring others, as well as help them. Even if I’m not as big as all the other artists out there, I’ll keep striving forward ’till my dreams have been made. Thank you all for being with me this far, I really appreciate it. :3

________________________________

Follow me on other social media

~Personal Blog | Youtube | DeviantArt | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Patreon~

[dearmyjimin]

Hey guys, this is GRACE (dearmyjimin), your resident Jungkook and Jimin stan. My blog has just hit it’s first-year anniversary and I wanted to start a series of yearly follow forever posts that serve as both a personal compilation of some fav graphics of my own (so that I can track how much I’ve grown as a designer), as well as to thank everyone who has helped me in one way or another. Each and every creation was made possible because of all the support I received. I wish to thank those who follow and support me, my lovely mutuals and friends who encourage me and all the blogs I follow for decorating my dash with amazing content. I am proud to be an ARMY and to stan 7 Kings who are the sources of inspiration behind my creations ♡

my mutuals - bolded ♡ - personal message under the cut

# - F

@97x95  | @acaracahehe ♡ | @aishjimin | @apgujeon | @artofennun | @ask-bts-stuff | @ask-joonie | @bangtannoonas | @bang-tan | @baobwi | @beui | @beuits | @bloominflowers | @booptae | @bwibelle | @bwink ♡ | @bwipsul | @bwiyomi | @chimcheroo | @chimchams | @chimchins | @chimilkeu | @comeherejimin ♡ | @cowjimin | @cyyphr | @deartaetae | @exolutelyx​ ♡ | @fhawn | @forjimin

G - L 

@gotjhope​ | @hobuing​ | @hohbi​ | @hoseokxx​ | @inkcassette​ | @jeongguk​ | @jeonheart | @jeonify​ | @jeonity ♡​ | @jeonsshi​ | @jiminrolls​ | @jimiyoong​ ♡ | @jinthebunny​ | @jjilljj​​ | @jjks​​ | @jpgtae​ | @junghope​ |  | @j-helpless​ | @j-cypher​ ♡ |  @kimdaily​ ♡ | @ktaebwi​ ♡ | @kthish​ ♡ | @kths​ | @kkumri​ | @kookiebuff​

M - R

@nerdjoonie​ | @nikkmonoxyls​ | @noranb​ | @maengion​ | @mangaetteok​ | @maja-sinika​ | @meitiandokaixin​ ♡ | @mewchim​ ♡ | @minblush​ ♡​ | @minpuffs​ | @mintsugakookies​ | @mintear​ | @park-jimizzle​ ♡​ | @pawjimin​​

S - Z 

@seonmuriya | @sosjimin ♡ | @sunbaejin | @sunshine-hobi | @sevenkookiejars ♡ |  @sweaterpawsjimin ♡ | @taeguk ♡ | @taebokkii | @taenekiii | @taevisual | @thumino | @tttaehyung | @wonkkyun | @yeoongi | @yoohnseok ♡ | @yoonem | @yoongles | @yoonseok ♡ | @yoongsins ♡ | @yoonmin | @war-of-hormoan | @wonpei | @vmiin

Personal Messages ♡ 

@acaracahehe + @sevenkookiejars + @meitiandokaixin // my bitches whom I know irl. Thanks for recognizing and supporting my passion for gfx and art. If it weren’t for you guys, I would not have gotten my graphic tablet and would not have started drawing chibis. Thank you guys ♡.

@bwink​ // Arden, my love. I can’t really remember how we became friends, but I am really happy and thankful that I managed to befriend you. You’re really cool, sweet and I love talking to you about anything and everything. Thanks for listening to me freak out about taekook, and for sending me random tk updates when I was away on my trip♡ . 

@comeherejimin​ // Cassie, my love. You’re one of my closest tumblr friends and I’m really happy to know you. I think we’ve confided in each other about a lot of issues that graphic designers struggle with and we relate really well with each other. Tbh, I’m really proud of your work and cannot stress enough about how talented you are. I know it’s hard to not equate notes with success, but as what we’ve always discussed, your passion is more important than whether people reblog your posts or not. Also, I really appreciate how you keep encouraging me, no matter how busy you are. You’re a true friend and I wish I could reach out through the screen to hug you personally. But I can’t so I can only say thank you and ily bb, don’t ever stop believing in yourself ♡!

@exolutelyx // Samaly, my love. Our history dates back all the way when I was still ass-deep in the exo fandom. You are one of the closest friends that tumblr gave me and I’m still very thankful that we were able to meet up in Singapore. Thank you for believing in me, and for being a huge supporter of my fics. Back then when you told me how much you loved ‘A Heart’s Worth’, it comforted me and encouraged me to write better. Also, thank you for entrusting me with all your problems as like how I entrust you with mine. Come to Singapore again and let’s hang out ^^♡.

@jeonity // Aly, my dear. I really can’t remember how we became friends, but I am just really glad that we are. I really enjoy talking to you on tumblr, how we just randomly throw shit from WINGS tour, to taekook, to FMVs etc. Thanks for listening to me rant when shit happens and for understanding my end of the story unlike others. I love all your quality gifs, keep up the good work ♡.

@j-cypher // Alice, alice, alice. You’re possibly the earliest friend I made on tumblr. Back then when I first posted my ryan rapmon art and squealed at what you wrote in your tags, I couldn’t even believe that we managed to become friends. I’m really thankful for your beautiful presence, how kind you are and how genuine you are. Thank you for replying all my asks so sincerely. I remember waking up to such long replies and I just thought that I found a special flower whom I would really love to befriend. Thank you, also, for entrusting me with your problems and struggles in university. I hope whatever advice I offered helped, and that your university years will be full of nothing but joy and happiness. Thank you for supporting my art, even when no one else did. You’re really special to me and I don’t always say this, but I love you aliceu ♡ thank you bb, for all your support ♡. 

@jimiyoong​ // Doris, my love. You are one of the very first few blogs who followed me - a potato account that posts random gfxs from time to time. I cannot express how thankful I am, for all your support. With each reblog, you help my blog grow to what it is today. I’m glad to have a friend like you, whom I can scream about yoonmin or just talk about random shit. I’m also really grateful that you’d alert me about reposters on twitter. You didn’t need to do it, but you do and I just don’t know what I did to deserve you as a friend. You’re amazing bb ♡.

@kimdaily // Sabbie. You’re one of the coolest Armys I have come to know and I really look up to you as a role model. You’re really chic, cool and most importantly, kind. Thank you for helping me QC namjoon’s coloured scans. Without your help, I would not have gotten his skin colour right. Thank you, also, for using the edit I did for you on your blog’s anniversary. I was really surprised and was just really emo that you’d used it. Thank you ;~; You’re an amazing Namjoon stan and I hope you’ll get to meet him one day for coffee ^^ ♡.

@ktaebwi // Rin my dear, you’re my #1 passion-fruit-green-tea homie (yeah man)! I have a lot of things to thank you for, and the one I’m the most grateful for, was that time you helped me reblog a call-out post of this blogger who reuploaded my gfx without my permission. At that time, we weren’t mutuals and I was just surprised that you’d extend help to me (some random noobie potato plant). At that moment, the first thing that came to my mind was, “she’s so kind to help me, what did I do to deserve her help?” and that’s probably the reason why I love you, your blog and look up to you as a fellow ARMY. Thank you for your neverending patience when I scream about taekook (I tend to get carried away) and for recommending me so many lovely fics. I think you’re someone who’s really good with information, languages and the way you comprehend situations in a matured manner makes me proud to be your friend. Translating and doing gifs are hard, and you often meet cheaters and reposters, nonetheless, thank you for your hard work and the fandom is really lucky to have you ♡.

@kthish // Alex, my dear. You’re one of the sweetest, kindest, loveliest person I’ve ever come to know, do you know that? You’re really encouraging and you always send me such lovely praises for my gfx that leave me blushing and squirming all the way across the globe. Thank you love, for believing in me when I don’t believe in myself. I’m really thankful to have you as a friend and enjoy those little moments when you’d send me art, gifs etc on tumblr that just make my day brighter and happier. Thank you love, you deserve nothing but the best. Thank you for your HQ gifs and for sharing your talent with the fandom ♡.

@mewchim // Jenny, my love. idk if I have said this enough, but you’re really one of the best graphic designers I have ever come to know on tumblr. I always say this in my tags, that if you’d give me any section or corner or inch of your work, I can tell, right away, that it’s done by you. You have this amazing unique style that no one else can replicate. I get really blushie and emo whenever you reblog my stuff and add praises. You’re like a gfx designer role model to me and whenever you praise me, I get so happy my heart soars. Thank you, love, for all your support and your encouragement. I gain inspiration from your work and will never stop harping about how much I adore you and your designs. Keep up the good work. I will always support you ♡.

@minblush // Zuzu. I think I have a whole long list of things to thank you for, even if we don’t speak to each other frequently. When I first followed you, back when I wasn’t even dearmyjimin yet, I thought you are really admirable. You aren’t afraid to speak up about issues and be firm about opinions. That’s something that I can never do, and I find strength in the way you carry yourself as a jimin-stan, how you defend him better than anyone else can. Thank you for always speaking up about jimin stereotypes that aren’t true, for educating all of us even if some can’t take your words well. I get really upset when I see people argue with you, esp when they misunderstand you. Also, thank you for being with me throughout the time I had to deal with you-know-who reposting my jimin coloured scans on twitter + coming at me at full force. Thank you for giving me advice on how to deal with the situation and for listening to me. I ain’t lying when I said that I really look up to you and respect you. Thank you so much ;~; ♡.

@park-jimizzle // Steph, my love. You’re one of my favourite jimin blogs! I get really happy whenever I see your gifsets on my dash, and just marvel at how much time and effort you put into those gifsets. Thank you so much, for contributing to the fandom and for giving us such HQ gifs. Thank you for tagging me in all sorts of jimin and vmin posts, they make me really happy and they brighten up my day so much. I’m glad that I can talk to you about random stuff, from bts to just everyday life. Thank you for listening to me and for chatting with me. You’re amazing, bb ♡.

@sosjimin // Bia, my love. You’re really one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever known. You’re a living embodiment of a goddess. You’re gorgeous, pretty, kind, sweet, understanding and just really hilarious sometimes (yes, I read your tweets and wonder why am I your mutual) :D You’re amazing bb. Thank you for sharing your HQ gifsets with the fandom and for sending me words of encouragement. They mean a lot to me. You’re really easy to talk to and I know that I can scream at you about anything and everything. Thank you for loving Minjoon along with me♡. 

@sweaterpawsjimin // Whitney, my dear. The first time I started speaking to you, was last year, before the MAMA awards. Back then, I wasn’t even dearmyjimin yet, and i used to send you asks about my love for jimin, and you’d reply them so patiently. Thank you for answering them, and for listening to me gush about Jimin. My impression of you was just this selfless, patient and cool ARMY who was so damn good at making HQ gifs. Thank you for reaching out to me on twitter to talk about you-know-who reposting gifs and other people’s creations. I’m sorry that you have to deal with those people, and I’m actually really glad to see the watermarks you place on your gifs these days. Still, I’m glad for all the advice you offered me and thankful that you listened to me rant. I don’t know how we became friends, but I am glad that we did. Even if we don’t talk very often, I will support you and your blog, regardless of the direction that you wish to take. Thank you for being that amazing Jimin stan that I can look up to. Ily♡! 

@taeguk // Alicia, my love. You’re one of the sweetest girls i’ve come to know. Thank you for helping me with my taehyung and jungkook coloured scans. Without your help, I wouldn’t have been able to get their skin colours right. Also, thank you for listening to me rant when I complain about how heartbroken I get when people reupload my original creations. And you gave me a very important piece of advice that: reposters are everywhere, but what they can’t steal is the passion I hold for creating. That really kicked some sense into me and even if I get really sour about people resposting my stuff, I try to remember what you said and push myself to focus on the moment and ignore everything else that is weighing me down. Thank you for all the support and encouragement you gave me. With every reblog you made, you helped my blog grow and I’m immensely grateful for that. Thank you bb. Ily ♡.

@yoohnseok // Corey, my love. I don’t know what I did in my past life to get you as a friend, but I’m really glad that I did. You’re really one of the most approachable, loveliest ARMYs I have come to know. You take whatever shit I have, and reply my texts with all your positivity. I can’t ever forget our first kakaotalk call. I felt so flustered speaking to you, from across the globe and just can’t believe that it’s you whom I was talking to. I really love your passion for graphic designing and I remember scrolling through your gfx tag and just marvelling at your creations. Keep up the good work Corey♡. ily! 

@yoonseok // Kat, my dear. I think I can never forget the day that I plucked up the courage to speak to you. Back then when you were still syubprince and I was 95zlinez, I remember sending you a message and asking if you could do me a favour to delete what you reblogged and to reblog my edited version (cause I made some dumb error in my edit). What struck me the most was that you kindly extended the favour and even added that you liked my graphic. I think when I read your message, I had a mini mental breakdown because I looked up to you a lot (still do) and was so jittery because someone whom I respected a lot told me she liked my graphic. It was an amazing experience that I cannot forget. You were also one of the blogs that helped me grow as a designer/ artist and I cannot express how thankful I am. I don’t think I could have gotten where I am now, if you weren’t there to support me in the first place. Thank you so much♡.

@yoongsins // Jess, my love. Personally, you’re the best graphic designer that I’ve come to know. I think I’ve told you many times before, back then when I wasn’t dearmyjimin yet. Even until now, I mean every word I say, that you’re a source of inspiration to me. I’d go through your graphics tag and just be in awe with the way you design, how you challenge new styles and new perspectives. It’s something really admirable, something that I can’t ever do, and that’s the reason why I look up to you a lot. The fandom is really lucky to have you, not only for your lovely creations, but the way you inject positivity and hope in your replies. You’re also one of the earliest blogs that helped me grow as a designer. If it weren’t for your support, I doubt I could have made it this far. Thank you so much♡. 

[nunchiis-a-blog]

listen i don’t wanna be That Guy but i’ve got some stuff i need to uh... discuss... sorry for the lowkey drama...

ok it is time for The Discourse hold on to your butts because this is a long one.

so aside from irl stuff keeping me busy, the reason i been active these fast few weeks is that i had a huge falling out with someone who i thought was my friend. not naming names.

so we were talking about new blogs we wanted to make and i brought up how i kinda wanted to make a v/l/d rp blog for shiro and they asked if i wanted to ship with their keith if they made one. i said no. they asked why. i told them that i didn’t want to say anything that might hurt their feelings. they were like ‘it’s ok!!!! i won’t get mad :)’

so i told them that even though keith is 'officially' 18 i still feel uncomfortable with the ship due to the age gap regardless and that the vast majority of sheith shippers made me aversed to the ship due to their treatment of other fans of voltron. keep in mind i’m 18 myself and was abused by someone six years my senior for many years.

and my friend flipped out at me. calling me an ‘anti’ and how it was all legal so it was okay and that i should be ashamed for ship-shaming. which i wasn’t?? i just said i didn’t like it.

and so i told them that as someone who was taken advantage of by someone older than me that most age gap ships that are between two ‘adults’ still make me very uncomfortable.

they kept going on and on about how i was a grown man and shouldn’t be so sensitive and that it wasn’t their job to babysit me and kids in the fandom. how it was my responsibility to block out the stuff i didn't like. we're talking about a ship between an 18 and 25 year old. one which was defended by shippers even when no one was sure if keith was 'legal'.

so i said i was blocking it out by saying no to shipping with them.

the last thing that said before blocking me was ‘i hope you remember getting raped every time you think of voltron for not being able to tell fiction from reality’.

a nearly 30 year old told me, an 18 year old, that they hope i remember getting raped because i don’t like a ship between and 18 year old and a 25 year old.

this is completely unacceptable behaviour and i’m extremely disappointed in the culture that has let this become normal online.

and you know what?? if you try to justify a ship like sheith to the point where you tell someone who has disclosed to you their abuse that you hope their remember that abuse every time they think of something they love because they said something that wasn’t positive about it?? maybe there is a fucking problem with you.

voltron is a kids' show. adults are the ones who are the invited party to the fandom, not the children. why are you complaining about kids (or in my case someone who was a minor until this year) getting uncomfortable at adults in their space making content that they'd rather not see??

idk what i’m even trying to accomplish with this post aside from making myself feel better and maybe if the person i’m talking about will feel bad or maybe someone else might understand why i’m upset. my brain is fuzzy from the flu anyways.

also the whole ‘people can tell fiction from reality’ is a bullshit argument that has been debunked by a fuckton of people fiction does influence how people are irl just look at the studies on people’s reactions to sharks after jaws you fucking egg

[likearumchocolatesouffle]

Thank you so much for talking with me about gender stuff, it means the world to me because I don't have anyone irl to talk to about it. Part of me is cautiously excited about exploring my gender, because I haven't really let myself do that before, & it sounds so cliche but I get little moments where I feel freer? It's great in that regard but I am struggling with some internalized transphobia (idk if that's right bc idk if I'm trans) & I was wondering if you had any tips on how to get past that?

(Part 2) And I just realized that my last message may have sounded like I was taking the whole transphobia thing lightly and I didn't mean to at all. I've been working to notice any bigotry I have for years and working to eradicate it every day and I thought I didn't harbor any phobic feelings but when I turned the focus on myself and think of myself as not cis, suddenly I'm having a harder time being ok with it and I know that's really shitty. The same thing happened when I realized I wasn't straight.

No worries at all! I’m glad you’re feeling excited about gender stuff! :) And I didn’t think you sounded dismissive or anything, don’t worry.Internalized transphobia is a tough thing. You can say “Just talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend” but it’s easier said than done. 

I think the fact that there are so few positive portrayals of trans people (and non-binary people in particular) in the media is a really big problem. If you don’t know any trans people in real life, and you don’t have a favourite character who’s trans, then most of the associations you have with transness might be bigotry that you randomly hear online or wherever. Even if it’s not very much bigotry, if it outweighs your positive associations, that can have a huge impact on you.

I think an idea would be to try to surround yourself with positivity about transness.

consume media with likeable trans characters (TV shows, movies, books, comics...)

consume media made by real trans people (YouTube channels, blogs, books, podcasts...)

look at images of trans people, especially non-binary and gender non-conforming people, and trans people who have not physically transitioned (Instagram, YouTube, Reddit...)

I think it would be very helpful to get used to different kinds of physical appearances. If you can accept and appreciate a non-traditional look in another person, you might be more likely to accept and appreciate it in yourself. If you can grow attached to and protective of a trans character, you might have kinder feelings toward transness in yourself. 

If there is a trans meetup group in your area, I would definitely recommend going if that’s safe for you to do. Hanging out with trans people and non-binary people (even if you’re only questioning whether you might be trans or non-binary) can be so helpful. Just being in a space with people who have those experiences and perspectives is great, because for once the dominant ideology in the room is not the one that says transness is weird or wrong or shameful. 

If you can’t go to an in person meetup, maybe join a Reddit or Discord or something similar, something where most people are trans and they’re not being attacked or shamed for talking about it. Especially if people post selfies and other people respond with “You look cute!” So great for the self esteem. :D

Also also, if you’re able to talk to a mental health professional like a psychologist (one who is trans-friendly obviously), it can really help to talk through your feelings. They generally know how to deal with shame, anxiety, self-hatred, dysphoria, and other difficult feelings, so you might get some good advice that way. 

I hope some of this is helpful! Feel free to write again. I’m wishing you all the best! :)

[angel-nero]

I was tagged by @wonderseverythingabove @glaspaladin and @kageyama-tobiyo sorta idk

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bag

phone


napkins

Money


lipstick

mints/halls (i drink too much Coke to be eating mints and I bought two packages and… oh god)

Five Things In My Bedroom:

computer

books

huge ass scary wardrobe

clothes everywhere

a lot of lamps cus I like to draw and I am super blind.

no posters cus they never keep there. old 14 years old me wasnt happy about it 

Five Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do In My Life:

play piano

learn more languages

travel a lot


dance ballet

art

Five Things That Make Me Happy:

food

art supplies

good education

my dog! Fuck! I love my dog!

buying things I want

Five Things On My To-Do List:

enter uni

chill


study for uni

recovery

laundry yeah same

Five Things People May Not Know About Me:

I get anxious a motherfucking lot about everything and no one irl knows besides my bffs. And family last year.

I eat a lot but can’t win weight and i am super skinny and look sick all the fucking time but…..

I might actually be v sick lmao. Im doing studies rn 

apparently I have french accent LMAO 🤠💦 some mx pals even asked me if I’m french and im like???? No??? i just cant focken speak right, okay? 

Im a coastal who doesnt likes seafood and old ppl constantly tell me shit about how i am missing the joy of life or how i am actually not a resident. yea, u rite, i am an alien 

Name?: Gabriela

Nicknames?: Bowie in school 🤠💦 gab, gabs, babe (gabe), uh, gabalooney toones? Idk dawn is nuts. dont call me gaby pls that's my mom 

Zodiac?: aries, constantly annoyed and an annoyance

Sexual Orientation?: Fuck this question honestly

Ethnicity?: mexican/Spanish but born in México, you get? Mexican

Favorite Fruit?: grapes

Favorite Season?: Summer. im a sucker for summer, find me in the beach, its too fucking hot so everyone wants to die

Favorite Flower?: idk i dont frikin care leave them alone

Favorite Scent?: scents that ain’t too strong. I rather breathe fresh air for all my life cus sometimes, no matter what smell, get me nervous 🤠💦 just… never food. any food

Favorite Animal?: all animals are cute I don’t play favorites

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate?: Hot chocolate even if it kills me. then coffee and kill tea. The only i’ve had is fuze tea lmao. tea i believe is fucking bad in here and this city is too hot to actually care. i love frappes

Cat or dog?: dogs

Dream Trip?: idk, bex’s ufo spots is actually a good one but i wouldn’t like to go to merica. Also… i wanna go to yucatán and see the place where the meteorito crashed and killed the fucking dinosaurs. and i think yucatán has a beach w pink water!!!! but nvm i checked and apparently you cant see shit. just take me somewhere idc

Number of Followers?: never will tell u

What do I post about?: i have two blogs. I used to post Queen/beatles pics and gifs and shitposts. In this one i was sooo quiet for like, 2 and a half years, I barely followed anyone and stopped entering once cus all i saw was su and v0ltr0n i was so lost in my dash 🤠💦 came back this year and its good 😎 and…… idk just texts i tag under bullshit.txt if u wanna block em. i wont b posting jaaaackshit

Do I get asks on a regular basis?: blep? Sometimes. I laugh cus when I was so quiet I answered em all on private. Look, that experience is fuckin hilarious to me cus i didnt have hopes of the anime fandoms or whatever   

Favorite Band?: queen. But i love a lot of music bruh. Queen was my first fav band so shut the fuck up and eat dirt if you say something

Aesthetic?: bleeeh bleh bleeeh bru the sun, keith, the desert, the beach, the sky, the universe, fight club and trainspotting, big buildings, parties, cool stories, me dyin

Fictional Character I’d Date?:  Eren 🤠💦. Listen…. I love him, and i knew about him when we were both 15… it’s special….. and now we are both 19….. and we’re so alike. I picked him so we could b friends actually he a little motherfuck

Hogwarts House?: gryffindor 

Rules: BOLD the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses (all the fucking time)

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined (i didnt even kno about this i checked a birthday pics w my friends and i had a croptop an suddenly i had abs. its from laughing probably)

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well (my throat is super fucked fam i barely can speak :/)

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for under a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling 

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports (bleeh sometimes)

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships 

I have never been in a relationship (almost v close actually)

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close at my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the united states

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CD’s

I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce (axayactl but its easy tho and whe called him axa!)

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life (yah whatever who care)

I speak at least 2 languages

I have made a new friend in the past year

i dont kno who to tag, idk who is down for this lm but if you see this and wanna do it…………… bbbbleaaassseeeee consider yourselfie tagged ily we dont have to b mutuals. tag me tho so i can read it!!!!!!!! i‘d love to 

[diviinedogs]

I know this is weird but is it cool to ask what s/t/even//qun//iv did? I used to follow them but idk what happened and lots of my mutuals don't want to interact with them either but no one will tell me why and I'm scared I'm just being annoying and stupid :c

yeah totally fine to ask!

it’s okay it’s not like there’s a callout or anything, I never went public with everything in it and any proof I have I have deleted/don’t have access too cuz I blocked

and oh do other people not like them? cuz as far as I know just me and my girlfriend have them mentioned on a byf

I’m gonna leave out some things cuz like privacy and whatever and I’m going to try to make this as short as I can but I just know that this is going to be long, but if you want more details feel free to message me off anon

I used to be friends with them/they used to be in my friend group back in GF days, I broke off contact with them because they were making me as;ldkjf and super fucking anxious (towards when I was creating distance/trying to cut off they literally messaged me everywhere possible tumblr, skype, twitter, even snapchat…. I never opened the snaps because I was too anxious seeing it but we’ll get to that later) and they were possessive of me/jealous of other people who talked to me

I specifically noticed this with Ferrah, who would eventually become my girlfriend, we got together when I was still talking to this person, and another friend. In rabbitrooms, they would like stay there for hours and never talk unless it was just me and them,if specifically Ferrah or another friend was present thy would not talk. They even acted like this with my irl friend too. Like we even tried, once they were talking in a rabbitroom where I was marathoning Voltron and then when Ferrah showed up, they immediately stopped talking. Like, we went through the whole show and me and Ferrah were saying that the room was done because we were saying we were done but we were gonna like watch movies and other shows together alone, and I was like damn what if they’re not gonna leave because they didn’t talk this whole time, but they did. So they sat there quiet for HOURS without saying something at all and just reading the whole chat.

and like I found out I was their FP and like totally fine I had no problem with that at all! I thought things would be fine but I still noticed how awkward it was whenever they were together in a rabbitroom or stream with me and another friend. Most of the time when I streamed back then it would just be us too.

basically I started feeling iffy about the friendship around like??? last summer???

there was a vent blog and I discovered that they would avoid doing things and hanging out with irl friends just to specifically talk to me all day, and our conversations got a bit tiring to me to be honest because we…. talked about like ship/au stuff and there were A LOT and it went to the point where if you took no breaks between replies it would take two hours to respond to. Not to mention they were all for something I don’t ship anymore and sometimes they would reach unhealthy/possessive topics, it was really bad and it like horrified me to like take a step back and looking at what we talked about.

so like I saw posts on the vent blog that made me really uncomfortable too like……. wanting to fucking kill my parents and it was terrifying because??? we’ve never met in person but they live close to me and I was scared that they would come to my house and kill my dad while he was alone when I was on vacation

that was a huge deal to me, and I didn’t like how they were upset whenever I wasn’t using my laptop or phone not because my parents didn’t like it, but because it kept me from talking to them

when I got off the plane, my phone was on low battery and I had a barrage of messages from them telling me to tell them where I was and stuff, and like? not even my girlfriend sent me anything like that just that I had a safe trip and I messaged her back. Like, I only had an hour or so before my next flight and 13% on my phone and I’m gonna spend that talking girlfriend of course 

I don’t know the details or why they didn’t like my girlfriend, I just got the vibe from that and I knew that they had like a whole future for us planned together and that along with everything else they did made me super uncomfortable. Like, do you know how shitty it is to be upset that your friend has a relationship when nothing’s wrong with it???

and like… on twitter I knew they were stalking me because I would always get notifications of likes from them like instantly, and one time apparently they were reading a conversation I was having with my girlfriend and I know it because of this- they @ ed me saying that they “accidentally liked” a reply and didn’t mean to, but like they unliked it so fast I didn’t even get a notification, so like that right there just told me they were reading everything I was doing.

and generally, if I don’t reply to them in like an hour or by a certain time they don’t like that and that was really anxiety inducing to me too, to like have to reply or else it means something’s wrong

I didn’t stop being comfortable with them because I found out I was their FP, I was fine with that and I wanted to like try being a good one. But I could not handle everything they were doing and I recognized it as an unhealthy friendship on both sides. I did not feel comfortable with it anymore, I started ignoring them in I think August and it took up until September for my friends to convince me to cut it off. It was causing me so much anxiety and towards the end of it I could not even read messages from them without feeling anxious, I had to copy it and get my girlfriend or another friend to read it and tell me what they were basically saying.

I wanted to leave for my own mental health, safety, and my family’s safety because I do not take death threats lightly. It’s different if I’m venting to someone and I know their response isn’t serious.

I can go more into details about things but I’m choosing not to go public about them and any other upsetting/anxiety inducing things I don’t remember cuz I blocked them out 

I like don’t feel bad about cutting them off they made me so uncomfortable and anxiety filled and I didn’t want put myself through feeling like that for the rest of the friendship/my life by the way it was going.