#had a Panic Attack in a crowded public bathroom bc some child somehow managed to unlock my fucking stall and uh yeah
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come one come all to see me venting my feelings to the void in hopes that it might turn out to be a void/fish/ and just fucking eat them and ill forget they ever existed
#ive literally just kind of. dissociated for pretty much the whole last couple of days#had a Panic Attack in a crowded public bathroom bc some child somehow managed to unlock my fucking stall and uh yeah#other than that? mostly just dissociation and crying every single time im alone#:))))))#yknow inside out? how All her Core Memories or w/e were based around like the one town and then they moved and like#Suddenly Theyre All Fucken Tainted(tm)#WELL#guess whose fuckin personality islands are falling apart as we speak because their 15yo self decided#to put all their recovery eggs into ONE band basket#(thats not entirely true but like. /many/ recovery eggs.)#(this metaphor is falling apart.)#but like idk i was finally starting to like. feel /ok/ and stuff and like yeah i hate myself thats never gonna change but like#i hated myself i didnt hate /the world around me/ i didnt hate /life/ and maybe hates a strong word but like#suddenly my whole world is tinged with fucking sadness and /anger/ and thats the one i feel guilty for is how fucking ANGRY i am#anyway i cant tell if i hate being sad or being Completely Emotionless more -- think its the second option if im totally honest with you bu#basically i hate them both and id like to not have them thanks.#:)))))))))#its like 1am and im gonna try to get some sleep but yeah im. Not Feeling Good Yall.
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