#ha suck it joker ur not even funny

[arkham-guard-dp-au]

Yo, just thinking how enraged the Joker would be hearing how this random guard in Arkham has the reputation of being the funniest and most unsettling. Well he, the Joker is right there.

[nikrei]

June Comics Round Up

Successfully made it through the 80s!!!! There's a bunch so the reactions will be short and sweet.

Green Arrow (17-28) (1989-1990)

Its good!! Morgan showing up in 28 was really fucking funny, too.

Detective Comics (594-611) (1988-1990)

Carrying over from the previous year of having no Jason mentions, there is the absolute minimum fallout from his death in this run, which honestly sucks.

Batman (426-442) (1988-1990)

Death in the Family through A Place of Lonely Dying, absolute classic time, tho I have so so many issues with DitF. It has such a big impact with Jason's death that the surrounding racist Joker bullshit is given a pass. Jim Starlin is my enemy.

Catwoman (1-4) (1989)

This was awesome!! Direct sequel to batman year 1 centering Selina and fixing so much of frank miller's misogynistic bullshit.

The Huntress (1-19) (1989-1990)

This was so good and the art is so neat. My main gripe is still how isolated it is. Deffo makes it seem like Helena is not part of the larger dc world. The little sequel (Justice League Special #2) does a really good job of tying the solo back into the larger world.

Deadman: Love After Death (1-2) (1989)

A neat little story. The art is extremely stylised and I'm a huge fan.

Secret Origins (39~46) (1989)

Catching up on more backstories.

Flash (21-34) (1989-1990)

Wally has grown so much in so little time! Also him making pals with Fidel Castro is everything to me. Linda is sort of a bitch and I love that for her.

Suicide Squad (23-36) (1989-1990)

Janus Directive was a pretty good little event, but more importantly ORACLE!!!!!

Checkmate (11-32) (1989-1991)

Still can't believe that Harvey Bullock is a high-up in this secret government spy organization, how did that even happen??? A sort of mid comic overall but is pretty important for suicide squad

Peacemaker (1-4) (1987)

Chris kept showing up in Checkmate and referencing this mini so I went ahead and read it. This man is not okay y'all.

Manhunter (1-24) (1988-1990)

I will be honest I broke down and read this because in the Janus Directive issue he had contact with Oracle. It is pretty good tho!!

Hawk & Dove (1-5) (1988)

Read it because I was curious about the new Dove, and I love her so much.

Batman - Dark Knight Returns/Strikes Again (1-4)(1-3) (1986)(2001)

BAD (except Carrie ilu girl) (why'd they make u catgirl in the second one??)

Captain Atom (24-36) (1989-1990)

A solid story, excited to finish it up and see what happens with Adam's daughter

Firestorm the Nuclear Man (80-100) (1989-1990)

I'm sorta sad about the elemental direction that this goes. It defeats the whole purpose of the Nuclear Man. They've been consistently depowering him as time goes on and this seems like the last nail in the coffin. The Nuclear powers were so cool and different! Changing that to another guy with fire powers is just disappointing.

Doom Patrol (17-29) (1989-1990)

Grant Morrison picked this up and dang it got very cool very fast. Jane i love all 70 of u!

Animal Man (6-23) (1989-1990)

This got So Cool and meta holy shit talk about your direct coie references and forth wall breaking. I honestly was Not expecting what happened to his family tho. Hugely recommend.

Starman (5-18) (1989-1990)

I really like Will he's a total sweetheart. And it's nice to have Bats and Supes show up and encourage and approve of new heros.

Wonder Woman (25-57) (1989-1991)

Barbara Minerva ur a legend. Also got to meet the Amazon's of Bana-Mighdall which was fun. I really like how much of a little brat Vanessa is, she feels just like a real middle schooler.

New Gods (1-28) (1989-1991)

Starts off with Jim Starlin (my enemy) teaming up with Mark Evanier to have Orion commit genocide in the first five issues. It can only go up from there because it hit rock bottom. Some interesting talk of the fixed nature's of the gods of new genesis and apokolips that I did like.

Mister Miracle (1-28) (1989-1991)

V. Funny. I love how Scott is 90% of Barda's impulse control. Also Shilo came back!! Best boy Shilo studying physics as his side gig from escape artistry!

Justice League International/Justice League America (22-50) (1989-1991)

I enjoy having the justice league titles as humor comics, but I wish that it didn't come with a sincerity allergy. You can be funny and sincere i prommy! It got close at Scott's funeral, which was nice to see tho.

Justice League Europe (1-25) (1989-1991)

Crimson Fox is super interesting, she is doing some wildly deranged shit I love them.

Martian Manhunter (1-4) (1988)

I'm generally not a fan of things that are like: everything u thought u knew about urself is a lie, this is the actual truth of u and ur culture. It's such an extreme way to do a retcon that it gets really clumsy really easy. This is an example of a good way to do it, with added totally gorgeous art. I recommend it.

Hawk & Dove (1-13) (1989-1990)

Dove is everything to me, I love her as much as I can't fucking stand Hawk holy shit that guys an asshole. Luckily the narrative agrees.

No bonus round this time I am falling so behind on the Konmic's club readings TT-TT

[guynamedultimax]

Smash Characters and people who main them

So, I was thinking about who mains certain Smash characters. Aaaand I got these ideas.

Mario: Probably Mickey Mouse. Or Emmet from the Lego Movie franchise idk

DK: Surely not King Kong because he has big hands and would break a Joy-Con just by touching it, not even a GameCube controller is safe. 100% Winston from Overwatch is the candidate, even better if he takes the blue DK skin lol

Link: Sora. This one is easy as hell.

Samus: Tony Stark is the first option that comes to mind.

Dark Samus: And since Rhodes can’t use Samus, might as well use the OTHER Samus lol

Yoshi: It is canonically stated in Deltarune that Asriel Dreemurr mains him and loves him to death.

Fox: I’m not sure how a red pirate fox animatronic holds a Joy-Con or two but probably Foxy from FNAF is the perfect main here.

Pikachu: It’s either Agumon or Jibanyan, too easy. Also put Jibanyan in Smash Sakurai pls

Luigi: Probably Donald Duck to parallel Mickey, the only difference between the two would be that Donald has a short temper while Luigi is a cowardly lion (and the plumber-sailor thing)

Ness: *MEGALOVANIA AND GAME THEORY INTRO INTENSIFIES* Ok jokes aside I think John Egbert and/or Sans are good candidates as Smash main.

Captain Falcon: Raphael, the red turtle from the Teena- wait why am I explaining an obvious character. His bros collectively main another character.

Jigglypuff: D.Va, full stop. She is a bunny person but may also love a Jigglypuff (now I want a drawing of Hana hugging the Puff help me)

Peach: Sooo, let’s see...Mickey has Mario... Donald has Luigi... I think you know where I’m going with this one.

Daisy: OH GOD I JUST REALIZED THAT DAISY DUCK MAINS PRINCESS DAISY, IT’S A “HI I’M-DAISY-CEPTION!”

Bowser: Is there any drawing of Bowser cosplaying as Peg-Leg Pete and viceversa? I’d die for that, it would be hella funny, especially with Mario and Mick dying from laughter in the distance.

Ice Climbers: Hmmm...twins...you can use them to make icy puns...I KNOW! IT’S GEORGE AND FRED

Sheik: Literally any of the ninjas from Lego Ninjago, bonus points for Lloyd.

Zelda: I have literally no damn ide-oh wait. I can use literally any blonde Disney princess lol

Dr. Mario: Undecided between Sorcerer Apprentice!Mickey and Oswald the Lucky Rabbit

Pichu: Shogunyan makes the most sense to me. I don’t know a lot about any other Digimon so I’m sorry if I don’t have Digimon ideas for Pichu.

Falco: I don’t know why but the thought of Chica maining Falco makes me laugh. Not that I ship Fox and Falco, of course, but seeing my FNAF OTP using two best pals looks funny enough to me

Any Fire Emblem character that is not Robin or Corrin: I literally have no damn idea.

Young Link: The first one that came to mind was Kenny from South Park and I don’t know, don’t even ask me

Ganondorf: I can just see Gamora giving Thanos a copy of Smash for the Switch and him curbstomping people as Ganondorf

Mewtwo: I still think that Beerus is an AU version of Mewtwo. If Beerus wasn’t a lazy dickhead maybe he would have been similar to Mewtwo.

Mr. Game & Watch: Bendy. Just, Bendy. And not even moster Bendy, just, regular Bendy.

Meta Knight: I wonder how much does Bruce Wayne play Smash when he is not being Batman. Although it’s probably possible that his favourite is Brawl.

Pit: I can just see Tony Stark losing at Smash against Pit and saying: “Fuck you, Barton.” AHAHAHAHAH

Dark Pit: This is for Hawkeye post-Decimation. Sorry if u lost ur family pal. Really sorry. I wanna kick Thanos in the groin for this.

Zero Suit Samus: Of course Natasha Romanoff mains Zero Suit Samus. Fanservice girl for fanservice girl.

Wario: I know Roadhog isn’t greedy and doesn’t care a lot about money except for his fee from Junkrat but he looks like the perfect Wario main in my opinion.

Snake: A spy for a spy. The name is Snake. Solid Snake. *mashup of James Bond theme and Encounter plays in the distance*

Pokèmon Trainer: Literally Ash Ketchum is the only possible choice here.

Diddy Kong: Uuuuh, the Apes from Ape Escape. Yup.

Lucas: Ok listen up, it’s Darwin Watterson. A squishy adorable fish boi for an adorable psychic blondie kid. It’s the perfect matchup! Almost...(Thank god Ninten is not yet in Smash)

Sonic: Me. What, can’t I reclaim one of my mains? The fella here introduced me to gaming with Sonic Rivals on the PSP. Thank god I didn’t buy a PS3 or ‘06.

Dedede: King Candy from Wreck-It Ralph. At least before he reveals himself as the fucker known as Turbo.

Olimar: Keroro from Sgt. Frog. Don’t ask.

Lucario: Sasuke? Idk

R.O.B.: Shared between C-3P0, R2-D2 and BB-8. Easy.

Wolf: Idk Boris the Wolf? I really dunno I suck at this.

Toon Link: Happy from Fairy Tail. JUST LOOK AT HOW MUCH OF A CAT TOON LINK DOES LOOK LIKE

Villager: Chara from Undertale. I don’t need to explain this.

Mega Man: Give me any blue Power Ranger.

Wii Fit Trainer: Hard one. I have no idea help

Rosalina and Luma: IT’S TINKERBELL

Little Mac: *Rocky theme intensifies* ROCKYYYYYYYYYYY BALBOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA

Greninja: Naruto full stop

Palutena: Cosmos from FF Dissidia.

Mii Fighters: The Xbox avatars. I think this one was pretty obvious.

Pac-Man: Donnie, Mikey and Leo all collectively main Pac. Best part they stop literally any attempt from Raph to spam Falcon Punches lol.

Robin: *Hedwig’s Theme intensifies*

Shulk:...Kirito?

Bowser Jr.: My other main, the one I use the most. For you, I shall summon the perfect main! *Lancer pops out from nowhere*

Duck Hunt: It’s Pluto. You know, Mickey’s dog? Jeez, why doesn’t Disney focus a little more on Pluto?

Ryu: KAME....HAME...HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ken: *insert Vegeta reference here*

Cloud: FINAL FANTASY TIME, COME ON AND GRAB YOUR FRIENDS, WE’LL GO TO VERY DISTANT LAANDS, WITH JAKE THE DOG AND FINN THE CLUD STRIFE MAIN- ok enough I think you understood the reference.

Corrin: Danaerys Tyrgaryen. Did...did I write that right? I really dunno

Bayonetta: *Insert Dante quote here*

Inkling: de Blob. You...you don’t know de Blob? You should go check that game, it’s fire.

Ridley: Smaug. I know, I’m out of ideas.

Simon: Van Helsing, of course.

Richter: ...I HATE WHEN i AM OUT OF IDEAS

King K. Rool: Does Godzilla count? Or is he a King Kong issue? Ok no wait, any member from the Croc tribe of Legends of Chima is fine

Isabelle: Lucy Heartphilia, easy.

Incineroar: Ok, listen up, before I get in this one, I DO NOT SHIP ISABELLE WITH INCINEROAR. That being said.....Natsu. I can just imagine him and Lucy playing Smash in such an intense way while Happy just plays calmly and beats both lol

Pirahna Plant: Actually the first one that came to mind and gave me the idea for this post. Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Cause, you know, teeth.

Joker: Robin Hood. I know Joker is not an archer user but the gentleman thief thing is there after all

Sorry for the long post, here is the word “potato”. See ya next time and if you have any ideas for missing characters I’d be glad to get them

[akawhiskeyy-blog]

in which i react to the chatzy because replies are hard: 

Edward and Isabella try to solve their Jessica Jones dilemma

yah the dilemma being that she sEES THROUGH YO SHIT U 2 

it goes on like this for a while.

“Honestly, Jessica Jones has been irritating me for weeks.”

you’ve talked to her twice. and texted once. AND U INITIATED 2/3 OUT OF THESE

There was nothing Edward hated more than getting struck in the face. 

sucks to sucks snek. ALSO U R SO MELODRAMATIC SHE DIDNT EVEN HIT YOU  HARD OMG SHE COULD LITERALLY CAVE IN YOUR SKULL IF SHE WANTED TO U GOT OFF LUCKY OKAY

“But soon you won’t have to. I can promise you that much.”

do u wanna die edward nygma. do u. 

Jessica Jones had crossed a line. 

gurl. jessica jones crosses lines like its her goddamn job

She had listened to her drunken ramblings, and offered her help, and politely asked her to stay out of their lives.

pulling out receipts:  “Oh, I’m so glad I could help you. Do me a favor and please stop texting Edward“ -- such polite sarcasm. write the next miss manners ok. also, u sat down next to her and ur offer of help only came after you insulted her a lot.  

This wasn’t his fault, after all.

kilgrave made him do it

she didn’t want the other woman dead.

“Well, that’s your choice. Drink yourself to death.” r u sure isabella u seem confused

If he proposed murder, she had another idea up her sleeve, but she wanted him to lead.

just casually accepting that her boyfriend might propose murder. BUT JESS IS THE CRAZY ONE OKAY. also, isabella, thought u werent a sidekick

I need more information on her before I can start plotting something. She can’t get away with hitting me, or toying with our relationship though

from cheesy bond villain to five year old to ‘casually insisting we’re in a relationship even tho we never talked about it’  -- the faces of edward snekma

No one was allowed to hit him like that. No one was allowed to publicly embarrass him.

everyone needs 2 hit you okay. how bout u calm down. it was an empty park in the middle of the night, public only by technicality

Where Edward’s rage was fiery, and his every word burned with anger, Isabella’s fury was glacial and restrained. 

i have nothing funny to say here, this is just a beautiful image

“She has shared a lot with me over these past few weeks. I know about her past.”

R U FUCKING KIDDING ME ISABELLA JUST HO W DARE IM S CREAMING I CANNOT HANDLE THIS WAHT THE ACTUAL FUCK

bonus:

cold and triumphant.

bitch u aint won nothing yet. unless u triumphant that u a bitch

despite his anger for Jessica, he felt a warm fondness for the woman in front of him. She was a force. Intelligent – enough to keep up with him but not quite at his level. He respected and adored that. She was gorgeous as well.

when u wanna plot revenge but YOUR GF IS JUST SO DAMN HOT 

“Isabella, do tell me what she’s shared.”

did u intentionally phrase this as a COMMAND and not a QUESTION because I’M SHOOK 

She wanted to knock Jessica Jones off her moral pedestal, and show the other woman that she had chosen this. She had chosen Edward.

MORAL PEDESTAL HAVE YOU EVER MET JESSICA JONES SHE IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF A GARBAGE CAN, SHE TAKES BRIBES, BREAKS INTO PEOPLE’S HOUSES, AND HATES BUBBLES. WHAT KIND OF MORAL PEDESTAL IS THAT. HER MORAL PEDESTAL IS A WHISKEY BOTTLE 

also uh huh sure u did bby u keep telling urself that this is allll ur choice

Killing the guy who had hurt her had clearly damaged her

jessica was damaged long before that shit, u have no idea

“Well, she’s a murderer” 

okay u have some idea ALSO WTF HOW DARE. YOU’RE JUST GONNA TAKE THIS AND DROP IT IN LIKE YOU’RE MENTIONING THE WEATHER?? WELL, IT’S SNOWING. WELL, DON’T FORGET TO PICK UP THE MILK. WELL, SHE’’S A MURDERER. AND ALL WHILE SITTING ACROSS FROM YOUR ACTUAL MURDERER. WHO YOU LIVE WITH. 

and then u take a sip of tea, i fucking did u just

i can see why ed likes u UR BOTH SO EXTRA. SNEKTRA. 

back up:

Isabella met Edward’s gaze and couldn’t remember what it had been like to hate him in that all-consuming, festering, corrosive way. Now, all of her rage was directed at the woman who had dared to insult her by suggesting that she’d been controlled, who had the audacity to hit him.

had the goddamn balls to hit him more like. also, look at how isabella is aware that she’s transferred her anger from ed to jessica, but doesn’t see this aS AN ISSUE. bc when you have to twist your moral viewpoint enough to see your abuser/murderer as the love of your life, everyone else who doesnt accept that viewpoint becomes the enemy

“I think that’s why she turned to alcohol. His death really weighs on her conscience. She was lying on the sidewalk, drunk, when I last saw her.” She wrinkled her nose in disgust. “I think she’s homeless, too, which may come in handy.”

listen we dont talk about jessica jones’ alcoholism okay we DONT. especially when our name is hissabella. & fuck u, she was tired ok. ALSO SHE HAS A HOTEL ROOM OKAY SHE ISNT TOTALLY HOMELESS

A murderer she said. Well, there was tons of things he could do to her now. Tons of games and traps he could set up with that theme in mind. She thought she was all high and mighty but she killed just as Edward had. She wasn’t so different from him at all.

u strangled your girlfriend, chopped her up, murdered the guy who caught you burying the body, and before all that you murdered your girlfriends previous boyfriend bc u thought u were a white knight. 

jessica killed her literal stalker/abuser because he was more dangerous alive than dead and still feels haunted by it every day. she spent weeks avoiding that exact option. totally the same

Edward was making a life for himself, he was moving on and redeeming himself to society and then she came with her high morals and smacked him right in the face with it. Now it was coming out that she was a hypocrite. 

u were thinking about killing a woman who bruised you two minutes ago. also, you killed a woman and framed the joker, like yeah, totes reformed. rather be a hypocrite than DELUSIONAL. high morals omg, she just asked u not to be a dickhole to the woman u murdered

“Oh, dear.” He purred.

jfc edward i cant with u

“Oh, did he ever want to torture her for believing she was better than he was... She couldn’t better herself and be a productive member of society. *

how do u start a paragraph wanting to torture someone and end it believing that you are a better asset to society omfg 

“Isabella… I can’t believe people just tell you all of this. God you’re… incredible. I bet that you can get information from anyone you please! With ease.” What an asset she would be to the Riddler.

and to this diiiiick  (im so sorry, but its sami & sophies fault for getting shippy in the middle of THIS. MURDER-PLANNING & CHILL JFC. 

Watching Edward think was a genuine privilege, and Isabella smiled as he took in her information.

r u goddamn serious right now, o h  m y  g o d

that Isabella was stupid and easily manipulated, and controlled

jessica has said exactly none of these things. 

There was a new cadence when Edward spoke, a chilling note that she had never heard before, and it sent a pleasant shiver down Isabella’s spine.

ew. ick. BAD TOUCH. 

 He was right, of course. Jessica Jones was a hypocrite, projecting her hatred of the man who had hurt onto Edward. They were nothing alike.

right. nothing. not at all. except that you’re both victims of horrific traumas who got the chance to face down their abusers and who feel haunted by memories and cant get in cars, sure.

“Hypocrisy, thy name is Jessica Jones,” Isabella replied, smiling.

y r u like this

“Oh my, thank you, Edward,” she said, unable to keep the happiness out of her tone.

THIS IS A MURDER PLOT NOT A 1950S SITCOM

I can get more information from Jessica, but I would have to lie about you. I’m sorry.

i just. i cant. how did u go from pointing a gun at this man to apologizing for potentially lying about him in the future in order to help him get revenge on another woman who did basically nothing to you???

Reaching after she did and taking her hand. He saw her reaching hers out as an invitation for Ed to hold hers.

holding hands, talking about revenge, the perfect couple

It would be beneficial for us if she is to believe we are not in cahoots at all. Give it a little time to cool off and then go to her – crying, preferably. It would be easier to work against her if she trusts you.

firstly, ed becomes a cartoon western villain at the beginning of this sentence. also COMMAND, COMMAND, COMMAND. but sure isabella, ur in total control here, as you let ed tell you every little thing to do

You said this man was terrible to her? Probably an abuser? Dig up information on what he was like by speaking to her. I’ll try and find files on him or any information at all, really. I want to get his voice down pact. A perfect imitation. 

NO NO NO NON NO NO NO NO ONO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO 

DO NOT DO THAT DO NOT HOW I JUST I HAVE ACTUAL PHYSICAL PAIN READING THIS BIT

He smiled, almost cruelly at what he had in mind. They could bring this man back to life in her memory and torment her easily with him. Rub who she had killed right in her face so she knew that she was not the moral woman she wanted to believe she was. So she was reminded by what she had done.

ALMOST CRUELLY. ALMOST. BECAUSE THIS ISN’T THE HELL JESSICA ALREADY GODDAMN LIVES THROUGH EVERY GODDAMN DAY. L O L. ALMOST. 

They were together on this. Holding Edward’s hand like the affirmation that Jessica hadn’t broken them, the way she’d planned to.

but he’s taking the lead, bc hes cute when hes being a patriarchal bastard. also, ‘planned’ gives jessica jones way too much credit. her plans suck way worse than this. 

judged Edward to some insane moral standard that didn’t even allow him to defend himself. 

YOU MEAN THE MORAL STANDARD OF DONT KILL YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND AND MAKE HER FEEL LIKE YOU RUINED HER LIFE ONCE UPON A TIME??

As she thought of all the chances she’d given that woman, every offer to help her, Isabella felt the righteous anger freezing her veins again. 

again. u met twice. talked 3 times. 

It would be a fascinating character study. A chance to observe Jessica’s reactions to emotional stimuli in a controlled environment. 

what the ever loving fuck isabella when the hell did you fall this far YOU’RE NOT TALKING ABOUT OBSERVING AN EXPERIMENT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT DESTROYING A WOMAN’S LIFE FOR THE LOLZ 

And Isabella was a very adept liar, and she didn’t often get to put that skill into practice. 

UR ALSO A VERY ADEPT SNEK hissabella. krisssssten

say that I’ve cut you off.” She held his hand a little tighter when she spoke, to reassure him that she wouldn’t dream of doing that.

gag. look how desperate she is -- trying to convince him or herself hmmm?

“We can make her think he’s come back from the dead! I’m proof that’s possible, after all.”

have i mentioned that i fucking h8 u omg

“How are you so perfect?”

at this point, the chatzy devolves into a shippy shippy shipfest. they stop plotting like 80s villains and start acting like a 50s couple. they decide to move in, but isabellas sleeping in the guest room, wink-wink. and then there’s these two bits:

Was he not reformed?

… He would do this one thing. Torture Jessica, then he’d go back to the normal, bland life he had been fighting for, for five years.

you sound thrilled about that idea edward. 

How had she ever thought she could live without Edward?  She had been pieces of two people, disconnected and fragmented, but orbiting her life around him was pulling her together again. 

when isabella first got to starcity, she was alllll about making a life for HER. a life outside of what ed & oswald & the court did to her. and now, she’s filled the holes in herself with bits of him and let him take over her whole life

they were both trying so hard to make new lives, but the second this old flame came back, they threw themselves on the fire