#hHarry Styles Imagine

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hello steph! hope ure having a good day! i was wondering if you had any s3 fics of sherlock returning from the dead but where mary doesn't exist

Hey Nonny!

Oh gosh I have quite a few actually... Hmm. Let's start a list! Sorry for the delay on this one, took a bit to sort through and pull them out of the “See Also” lists <3. Enjoy, and as always, add your own fics, friends!

POST-TRF NO MARY

See also:

Post-TRF Divergence

Reverse Reichenbach

Reverse Reichenbach Pt. 2

John Jumps Instead of Sherlock in TRF

John Fakes his Death

Reunion and Other Post TRF Fics

Reunion and Other Post TRF Fics Pt. 2

Reunion and Other Post-TRF Fics Pt. 3

John Joins Sherlock During Hiatus

The Hollow Man by HHarris (G, 639 w., 1 Ch. || John’s Chair, Introspection, Sherlock’s Big Feelings™, Post TRF, Angst, Emotional Turmoil, POV Sherlock, Pining / Sad Sherlock) – Still reeling from the apparent loss of his one and only friend, Sherlock returns to 221B for the first time after the events of The Reichenbach Fall.

Reunited by MockJayPhoenix12 (K, 753 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Reunion) – Everything is falling right back into place, but it’s just a little too quick for John. One-shot, drabble, non-slash.

A Quiet Reunion by ShipAddict (K, 851 w. || Reunion, Angst, Sentiment) – Two years after Sherlock's faked death, he enters 221B Baker St. to see the man who grieved for him. 

Black Cars by johnsarmylady (T, 1,186 w., 5 Ch. || Post-TRF, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, 221B Ficlet) – John is getting on with his life...if only he didn't see black cars everywhere! A short Post Reichenbach tale in 221B style in 5 parts.

Didn’t by HermioneGirl96 (K, 1,208 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship) – Before Sherlock died, John didn’t need his cane, as he explains to the Sherlock whom he thinks is just a figment of his imagination. That is, until Mrs. Hudson confirms that Sherlock is really there.

Still Two Days Until We Say We're Sorry by PrettyArbitrary (K+, 1,463 w., 1 Ch. || Reunion, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship) – Sherlock is alive. John punches him for it. He's probably getting off lightly.

Conciliatory Coffee (It's All Fine) by dget (K+, 1,635 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Post-TRF Reunion) – "He can feel John's shuddering breaths in his own lungs, feel John's heart beating behind his own sternum." Because John Watson is a doctor, and Sherlock Holmes is a detective, and neither really knows how to be anything else. A post-Reichenbach reunion oneshot. Can be read as Johnlock.

Feel your breathing by Mixxy (T, 2,129 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Cuddling, Separation Anxiety, Platonics) – And he was numb yet feeling far too much, he was back on that pavement, and his mind was buzzing far too hard, whispering you didn’t do it in time, Mrs. Hudson is dead, Lestrade is dead, your John is dead dead dead- And then John’s hand was around his wrist, thumb rubbing over his pulse point, and Sherlock’s not sure if it was to comfort him or John but either way it worked. 

Not The First by StillWaters1 (K+, 2,503 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Friendship, Post-Reunion) – Discovering that John had spent twelve months volunteering at a MSF trauma hospital in Afghanistan was surprising. But not as surprising as the discussion that followed. A post-Reichenbach conversation and character study.

Turn the key, and come home by TooManyChoices (M, 2,718 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, First Kiss / Time, Angst With a Happy Ending, Emotional Messes, Implied Sex, Angst and Humour, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock and John have been dancing around what's between them for years. Will John return to Baker Street, and if so, will things ever be the same?

In My Life (and dreams, you take my breath away) by Nina36 (NR, 2,847 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF/TEH, Angst, Pining Sherlock) – The first time he had dreamt about John he had been in Peru. He had been “dead” a little over a month, squatting in a tiny rented room, the heat and the stains on the walls making him slightly claustrophobic. It had been a nice dream: John and he eating take away Chinese in their kitchen, a song coming from Mrs. Hudson’s radio downstairs, something about friends and lovers and how no one compared with him, his mind supplied in his dream.

The Sound of Silence by Dubbers (T, 3,593 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF Hiatus, Reunion) – After Sherlock's fall, John loses the ability to talk. Three years later, Sherlock is back.

On Hiatus: Rotterdam by rukushaka (T, 4,240 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Drama, Couple For A Case, Post-TRF, John Joins Sherlock, No Slash) – “Used them after uni a bit. Purely for research purposes, of course," Sherlock said tiredly, head lolling against John's shoulder." Sherlock goes on a mission alone, or: Two blokes in a luxury hotel in the Netherlands. Non-linear timeline. Set during the Hiatus.

Between Asleep and Awake by katydidit (K, 4,309 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Sick Fic, Post-TRF / Reunion) – John is sick. Incredibly, extremely, dangerously sick. Plagued by a high fever, he begins to hallucinate, start seeing things that aren't really there. Because they can't be there. Can they?

Not Without Me by Jennistar1 (T, 4,319 w., 1 Ch. || Drama, Mystery, Post-TRF Hiatus, Pining Sherlock) – Halfway through Sherlock's Great Hiatus, Mycroft comes to him with the news that John has died. But all is not what it seems…

Happy Christmas, You Arse by 1electricpirate (T, 4,766 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Fluff, Christmas) – In which evidence is presented that disqualifies Sherlock from being the Grinch, and everyone's shoes fit them perfectly well, thank you.

Memories Lost on Christmas Day by agnesanutter & PlainJane (G, 5,479 w., 3 Ch. || Post-TRF, Fluff, Hospitals, Worried Sherlock, Christmas) – It's the day before Christmas and Sherlock and John are exactly where they need to be....

Nothing Quite So Spectacular by Kerkerian-Horizon (K+, 5,762 w., 2 Ch.  || Drama, Hurt / Comfort, Post-TRF) – How John Watson grieves after Sherlock Holmes' alleged suicide, and what happens when the detective returns home. Set post-Reichenbach, two parts.

Excerpts from Purgatory by reapersun & what_alchemy (E, 5,829 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Doctor John, Reunion Fic, Rough Sex, Angry Sex, Bottomlock, Fic with Pics)  – John serves community service in homeless shelters for chinning the superintendent. Unbeknownst to him, the Homeless Network has his back.

The Strait of Juan de Fuca by mightypog (T, 6,400 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Vacation, Love Confessions, Friends to Lovers, Canada, Love Confessions, Angst With Happy Ending) – Sherlock is back and all seems forgiven, but something is missing between him and John. Their friendship initially appears intact, but Sherlock doesn't understand why John seems to be slipping away. Finally, in terror, he tries to reconnect with John by taking him to the one place that seems to inspire any emotional interest in John any more: the Canadian wilderness. While there, Sherlock faces his greatest fear.

Survival Instinct by shirleyholmes (T, 7,162 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, First Kiss, Schmoop, Nightmares, Fluff & Angst, Grief, Idiots in Love) – After Sherlock's "comeback" John starts obsessing with constantly making sure he's alive (checking his heartbeat etc.)

In Which "John" Becomes a Synonym for "Help" by asignoftwo (T, 7,391 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, S2 Divergence, Injured John, Worried Sherlock, Fluff) –  After the fall Sherlock returns to Baker Street and is reunited with John. When John is injured on a case Sherlock is faced with the reality that he could lose John again, and it tears him apart.

Drowning in Darkness by chappysmom (T, 7,575 w., 4 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapped John, Post-TRF Hiatus / Reunion, John Whump, Angst with Happy Ending, Depressed John, Background Case Fic) – He couldn't decide if it was a relief or a curse that he'd been left completely, absolutely alone. You couldn't fight darkness with your fists, and no matter how strong your will-power, it could be beaten down by the constant monotony of nothingness. Nobody needed John.

Every Night I Look for You by destinationtoast (E, 8,377 w., 1 Ch. ||  Post-TRF, POV John, Angst, Mystery, Unsafe Sex, BAMF John) – Every night, John looks for familiar hints of Sherlock in the men he meets in bars, and he does with them all the things he wishes he’d done before. Eventually, he stumbles into a situation that Sherlock would know how to handle, and John must decide whether he can handle it without him.

All the Times Something ALMOST Happened by allonsys_girl (T, 9,049 w., 6 Ch. || POV Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Canon Compliant, Angst, Friendship/Love, UST) – John and Sherlock dancing around what they dance around in canon.

Our Sudden and Strange Return by Arwen Jade Kenobi (T, 10,314 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Friendship) – One year, eight months, and an odd number of days after the alleged fatal fall Mycroft gets a message from Sherlock saying that he's back.

A Comprehensive Taxonomy of Tobacco-Ash by Silvergirl (E, 11,475 w., 2 Ch. || No TRF AU || No Mary, Cranky Sherlock, Alternating POV’s, Self-Esteem Issues, Jealous John, Pining John, Confessions, First Kiss, Frottage, Bed Sharing, Sensuality, Cuddling, Touching) – A handsome academic approaches Sherlock about publishing his magnum opus on tobacco-ash in a prestigious scientific journal. Sherlock is quite flattered and flustered, and John’s nose is out of joint.In this little AU there is no Fall and no Mary. Instead, there is humor and smut. Truly a disproportionate amount of smut.

Where the Sun Never Shines by teahigh (T, 11,634 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, PTSD, Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sex) – John is a mess. Sherlock can't fix him, but he tries. That's good enough, John thinks.

White Blank Page by SarahCat1717 (M, 11,936 w. || Post-TRF, Clever John, Reunion Fic, Pining Sherlock, Letters, Fantasies) – Post-fall, Sherlock is off eliminating Moriarty's crime web. He finds he misses John. He can't divulge that he still lives, but he placates his need to communicate with John and still feel a connection with him by sending him blank letters. But over time, this writing exercise lends itself to Sherlock exploring his feelings for his friend. What will happen when Sherlock returns to London and the man he has been "writing" to regularly for the past two years? NOT S3 compliant. Mary who? 

There's So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”

I Will Take Care Of You by SailorChibi (T, 16,664 w., 15 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Sick Sherlock, BAMF John, BAMF Lestrade, Reunion Fic) – Two years after Sherlock's death, John comes to find him on the sofa. Wounded and ill, Sherlock is convinced he's hallucinating and refuses to share any details about Moran or the fact that Mycroft has been compromised. That doesn't stop John from stepping up and taking care of the last of Moriarty's web, BAMF-style.

Traitor's Gate by roane (E, 17,714 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF, Case Fic, Mystery, Bets and Wagers, Undercover for a Case, BAMF John, Scientist Sherlock, Teasing, Established Relationship, Military Base, Sexting/Texting, Military/Uniform Kink, Frottage, Dirty Sex, Anal, Bottomlock) – John and Sherlock go undercover at a top secret government lab to find out who is selling research. John is back in uniform and Sherlock is back in a laboratory, but they have to pose as strangers. Sherlock thinks he'll have an easy time of it, but John has his doubts. It's up to them to find out who is responsible for putting a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands, and try to keep their hands off each other at the same time.

Five Times: Watching and Waiting by Ira Lea (K+, 23,034 w., 13 Ch. || Friendship, Post-TRF, No Slash) – Five times Sherlock didn't know John was watching, and one time he made sure of it. Five times John didn't know Sherlock was watching, and one time he figured it out. Three years of "he's dead", one moment of "he's alive", and the resulting chase through the streets of London. (Two 5:1s in quick succession and a bonus).

I Shall Not Be Thy Refuge Once More by Crystal Rose of Pollux (T, 25,518 w., 12 Ch. || Post-TRF, Drama, Friendship, Reunion, John’s PTSD, PTSD Episode) – Post Fall, return fic. Sherlock had wanted nothing more than to take down the rest of Moriarty’s network with his blogger by his side. But when his planned reunion goes very, very wrong, Sherlock finds himself distrusting and fearful of the one person he thought he could always count on.

The Sexual Awakening of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson by suitesamba (M, 24,579 w., 10 Ch. || Post-TRF, Case Fic, Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss/Time) – Sherlock owes Mycroft a favor. Mycroft calls in that favor by offering Sherlock's consulting services in a charity auction. Sherlock and John soon find themselves at the country manor of Mrs. Ives-Patton Smarmington III - not very coincidentally a long-time friend of Sherlock's mother - where they are reluctant participants in her Murder Mystery Weekend. It's a play within a play for Sherlock and John, and their roles for the weekend event bleed over into their real lives, waking the sleeping dragons within.

To Mend Icarus by AlessNox (T, 28,347 w., 14 Ch. || Post-TRF / Pre-S3 Divergence, BAMF John, Anger, Fighting, Sex, Bed Sharing, Stalking, Case Fic, John’s Past, Introspection, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Crime, Mythology, Darkness) – After a case lands John Watson in court, he tells Sherlock that he is leaving. Not understanding why, Sherlock decides that the only way to learn the truth is to investigate his flatmate, Dr. John Watson. Sherlock finds that coming back is not enough to fix all of the damage that he caused by leaving. A post Reichenbach, post reunion re-discovery fic.

A Home for Us by sussexbound (M, 30,581 w., 12 Ch. || Scars, Bedsharing, Grief, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Heavy Emotions, Clingy Sherlock, Hallucinations, Disassociation, Emotional Turmoil) – He has been on the road for two years, and he is exhausted. He’s almost accepted that he will never see London (John) again—almost. But then there are nights like tonight, where he is weak, and all he can think of is the warmth of the flat they once shared, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the teasing smile playing at the corner of John’s lips, the boxes of half-eaten Chinese takeaway balanced precariously in their laps. He aches at the memory of it, at the realisation that it is something he may never experience again.

Sunday Evening 6 p.m. by Silvergirl (E, 30,712 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF / TEH Divergence, Grief / Mourning / Stages of Grief, Mutual Pining, Dreams, Reunion, Love Confessions, First Kiss / Time, Alternating First Person POV, Smart John, BAMF Boys, Emotional Love Making, Song Fic, Referenced Suicide, First Kiss / Time, Touching, Sleepy Sherlock, Blow Job, Villain Mary) – Six months after Sherlock jumped, he learns that John is dedicating songs to him on a requests-only radio programme. Is John just working through grief? Or is he—communicating? Fixes the hell out of S3 by pre-empting it altogether. Remember, as TAB told us, John is Pretty Damn Smart.

LHR-HNL by scullyseviltwin (E, 35,066 w., 7 Ch. || Hawaiian Vacation, Post-TRF, Friends To Lovers, Slow Burn, Just Talk Already, Drinking, Mutual Pining) – In need of an endangered flora sample, Sherlock and John must make a trip to an unexpected destination.

Holmes is where the heart is by Rose de Sharon (T, 49,636 w., 13 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Post-TRF, Reunion Fic, Bromance, Empty House Inspired, Adventure) – Three years after the Reichenbach Fall. On the anniversary of Sherlock's death, John pays a visit at 221 B Baker Street… and he gets the shock of his life.

The Norwood Love Builders by flawedamythyst (T, 47,798 w., 9 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Post TRF Angst) – Sherlock and John go undercover to solve the murder of Joanna Oldacre, but things are complicated by the many feelings John has been repressing in the wake of Sherlock's faked death and return.

The Burning by SrebrnaFH (M, 60,658 w., 24 Ch. || Reverse Reichenbach, Suicide, Depression, Hurt Sherlock / John, Separation, BAMF John, Good Big Brother Mycroft, Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Fake Character Death, Rescue Mission, Reconciliation / Reunion, Hospitalization, Marriage Proposal, Illnesses, Physical Therapy, Happily Ever After) – Something went very, very wrong. John had seemed, if not happy, then reasonably content with his life. Sherlock had never predicted something like THIS might have happened. Not in his worst nightmares. He was the lousiest friend ever, apparently. At least Mycroft found him something to occupy his mind with, so that he didn't have to go back to 221B and stare at the walls and the chair, where John Watson would never sit again.

The Quiet Man by ivyblossom (E, 157,369 w., 58 Ch. || Post-TRF, John First POV, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Present Tense, Imaginary Sherlock) – "Do you just carry on talking when I'm away?"

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns. 

[littledaydreamsofyou]

What Better Reason?

To put things into perspective you had lived with a member of the Styles family for six months, had met her brother Harry numerous times, actually had his number in your phone from when he had arranged a surprise birthday bash for his sister, been around the whole Styles clan on the odd occasion and yet you still could never not get butterflies upon the first sight of the younger, yet taller Styles sibling.  And right now, as you were looking through the peephole at the handsome young man scratching the back of his neck, the butterflies were there as was the increased heart rate and the highly possible flushed cheeks.

With one deep breath you opened the door a little more force than usual, clearly your nerves gave you added strength.

“Hey! Harry, what are you doing here?”

“Good Evening” he kissed your cheek on his way past you to enter your shared flat, “thought I would swing by and see you seen as though I didn’t get to see you in Manchester”

You had been at Harry’s hometown concert a couple of nights previous with a friend from back home.  You’d had the tickets for months, even before you’d moved to London and had met Harry by way of his sister.

“Well thats a bit of a fib cause you definitely did see me”

“Should’ve come to the Arena earlier you know, my own bloody mother got to spend more time with you than I did by all accounts” Harry challenged you as he folded his arms, leaning back on the kitchen counter.

The whole concert had gone by in a bit of a blur if you were honest, you’re friend back home knew of your acquaintance in Harry but was hit full force with it on Monday night.  As you arrived you’d made your way to the box where close family friends were with Anne for the show.  She’d made you promise to stop by and a have quick glass of Prosecco before the show and as ever she was the hostess with the mostess, having some nibbles for you also and a goody bag with t-shirt and programme for the show inside for both of you.  

It was when you got to your seats that things out of the ordinary started happening as you’d barely warmed your seat up ahead of the support act before a man you vaguely recognised approached you very inconspicuously whispering in your ear for you and your pal to see Harry before the show.  Quickly you weighed the pros and cons for going with him but ultimately decided that you didn’t want to hurt Harry’s feelings by not going.

“Here she is”  you couldn’t help but smile at Harry’s beaming expression as he placed his mug down and made his way over to greet you with a hug.

“Hi H, this is my friend Rachel from home”

Your two friends exchanged pleasantries as you took in the backstage scenes but ultimately focusing on Harry’s outfit for the show tonight.

“Is it pink or red?” you asked running you hand down the material covering his arm.

“Not too sure to be honest, but does it suit me?”, “As fetching as ever Harry” you giggled as he did a flamboyant twill straightening up with his best Zoolander.

Truth be told he could make your knees weak wearing a bin bag and when it was announced that the support act was taking to stage in 10 minutes, you excused yourself not wanting to miss any part of the show.  Harry had asked you to stay and then had further offered VIP passes for you to go side stage whenever you wanted during the show, bot of which you turned down wanting to experience everything with Rachel in the thick of the crowd.

A girl with a polaroid camera was wondering backstage and had snapped a picture of the three of you as you wished Harry good luck, with Harry requesting one with yourself throwing his arm around your shoulders.

Getting back to your seats with no fuss, the concert had started and it wasn’t until part way during his set that you saw Harry close up again.  He stopped to say a hello and asked if you were enjoying yourself on the way to the B-Stage, much to the delight of the girls around you who got the opportunity to touch their idol and take photos of his lovely face…

“You’re still coming on Thursday, right?” Harry asked pulling yourself out of your memory

“Uh, yeah I believe so your mum and Gem have been messaging me about it”, a group chat had started a couple of weeks ago and arrangements had all been made.  “Sure you don’t want to come tomorrow night too?”

“I can’t, think I’ll be at work late and I just don’t want to be rushing around”, “You could always come for the last part?”

Harry had never asked you to be at his shows in the past and though you had gotten closer since spending time with all the family during Christmas and New Year, it still felt a little strange for him to  be requesting your presence.

“Harry, I really don’t think….”, “Here I’ll leave these for you and if you can make it that would be great”

He placed an envelope on the kitchen counter and wished you goodnight with a hug that left his scent on your t-shirt.

Looking through the contents after the door had closed behind him you pulled out tickets to the show, VIP Family pass and the polaroid from Manchester with the words until next time written on the white boarder.

“Well, bumping into International Popstar Heartthrob Sensation Harry Styles is a sure cure for having a shit day at work”

“Hey Han, want a cuppa?” your fairly new roommate dropped her bag to the floor and was in the process of taking her coat off.

You’d been flat sharing with Hannah since January after Gemma moved in with Mike and she was definitely more used to seeing Harry than you were despite only ever seeing him a handful of times.

“That would be great, I picked up some custard tarts if you fancy one”

“So I haven’t seen you since you got back home, tell me all about it”, you both got settled onto the sofa as you recalled tales of your trip to Manchester.

Wednesday the 11th April turned into the longest day in living history for you as you caught up with work that you had missed after having an extra two days off at the beginning of the week and it didn’t help that every half hour you had an internal battle with yourself to just call it a day and get your arse to the O2 with Hannah for a fun night.

Finally the little voice of temptation in your head quietened down and it wasn’t until you were on your way home scrolling through your Twitter feed that you saw what you had missed out on.

Congrats on your first night at the O2, was that you or Prince Charming dressed as a Matador on stage?  

It wasn’t until your mid-morning coffee break that you got a response from Harry, a simple purple suit dancing man emoji and when you text hime back he called.

“Well hello there” you answered taking a sip from your vanilla latte, “Good morning, missed you last night”

“You missed me? Don’t be silly H”

“Not being silly, just being honest is all” you don’t know what killed you more, the words he was saying or his voice still gravely and laced with sleep.

“Well it won’t be long, think we’re getting to the O2 for about four.  I’m finishing work early at getting to Gemma’s about three”, “Yeah mum’s here she said that she can pick you up if you want?”

You agreed to let Anne pick you up from work a little after lunchtime to take you over to Gemma’s where you were all freshening up before the concert.

“So what have you done to not let my son stop talking about you?”

“Sorry…. ?”  Anne’s question hit you off guard as you looked out of the car window at the London scenery.

“Well since I got here yesterday all Harry’s done is mention that you wouldn’t be there last night, how much he was looking forward to seeing you tonight, he seems rather interested in your whereabouts”

“I’m not too sure why, I haven’t seen him in ages since he’s been busy playing to thousands on a nightly basis”

“I think that’s the point love” Anne turned to look at me briefly with a knowing face that only a mother could possess. “He seems to be getting over everything that happened with Camille”

“What happened with Camille?” as far as I was aware it was a long distance casual thing according to Gemma who had divulged the minor details of her brothers dating life to me one drunken evening between Christmas and New Year.

“Not for you to worry about darling, just have a good night tonight with him”, “With everyone” I corrected.  “If you say so sweetheart”.

The two Styles women and I arrived at the O2 right on schedule and Harry was there to greet us as we entered the back corridor.  I watched as he said hello to his mother and sister, he was in all black his own merchandise on his top half and white socks covering his feet, and realised in that moment he was gorgeous both in looks but also how he treated those he cared about.

He took a step towards me as I took a deep breath to prepare myself, for what I am not sure, but when he put his arms around me in a warm cuddle and told me how nice it was to see me in my ear my whole body relaxed and was on edge at the same time.

I caught Anne watching our interaction whilst Gemma was nowhere to be seen and as soon as the moment had started it was over and I couldn’t help but want more.

Throughout the afternoon as we were included in Harry’s and the bands preparations I found myself drifting away in my own little world, allowing myself to think of Harry in a way that I seldom allowed myself to in the past. Found myself watching intently on how he moved, how his lips moved when he spoke and his facial expressions and the vein that appeared in his neck when he sang during soundcheck. Harry definitely was a specimen of human nature and I am sure millions of others would agree that his handsomeness was undeniable, but it was even more so now for me.

With me being wrapped up in my thoughts for the majority of the time, I had kept a little distance from Harry and it had actually began to worry me how quickly I had suddenly been hit the realisation that I actually liked Harry.  I mean I had always liked him, I had been a fan before I knew him and had liked the idea of him from afar, but now that I knew him personally it felt different and I wasn’t too sure what to do about it.

Harry had taken himself off to his dressing room a little after six with the tour stylist I presumed, to get himself ready for the show and just by coincidence when I was on my way back from the toilet his door was open again and he called my name.

“You look like Tarzan”

“Be my Jane?”, did I hear him right, “What?”

“Oh come on, you heard me” the cheeky lopsided smile made an appearance on his face

“Bloody hell Harry did you have to hunt that before you wore it?” Gemma came through to his dressing room with a beer in each hand, passing one to me whilst taking the piss out of her brother.

“You’re not the only one in this family that can wear leopard print sister”, “Clearly not baby brother can I touch it?”, “Definitely not”.

Mabel had been called to stage for her opening performance and Harry’s dressing room was buzzing, the band were all in high spirits and there were several guests backstage all of whom were enjoying themselves and patiently waiting, hoping, for a chance to have a small moment with Harry and a picture to remember it by.

As I stood with Anne, I could see how immensely proud of hm she was and I couldn’t help but let my thoughts drift again.  Had he always looked this good?  I decided that he definitely always had but because of my previous relationships, along with Harrys, and not actually knowing him all that well his potential had been overlooked somehow.

“He looks so happy” I observed aloud, “Yeah like the cat that got the cream.  Are you ladies ready to go take our seats?” Gemma stood in front of us blocking our view of the man of the hour parading around in his leopard suit.

Even though I had seen the exact same show three night ago, it was like I was seeing it again for the first time.  He sounded so good and his performance was flawless and it was made even more special that I got to experience this with his mum and sister, but that in itself was a whole different experience.  They had both been asked for a couple of pictures here and there and other concert goers were looking in their direction to take note of their reactions to certain songs and things he said, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of Harry.

My eyes stayed glued to him until the end of the show and then it was all a blur as Harry, his immediate team including Jeff and Glenne, his family and I scrambled to awaiting cars to take all of us back to Harry’s London home.

As we all sat around in his kitchen living room area catching up over time spent apart, tales of Harry Styles: Live on Tour so far, and general life I noticed the time and sent for an Uber to take me home for the night.  I explained that I had work in the morning and that if everyone was still in London that maybe I could catch up with them at lunchtime or when I finished at the office.

Harry walked me out to the gates at the end of his driveway stopping to turn and hold my hand as we reached the side gate.

“These past couple of weeks have been a complete whirlwind and it’s been amazing, I just feel like it’s going to taste a bit sour remembering it if I don’t tell you how pretty you look right now and how I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how you make me feel since I saw you with me backstage on Monday”

“But Harry, you’ve never even …. I never realised…. I just…”

“No I know and I don’t think I realised until Manchester when I couldn’t think of anything other than you would be there and I haven’t felt like that in a long time,” “But…”, “and I know that the timing could be better but I’m going away for a while and I couldn’t leave without telling you that”

“Thank you…”, “You’re welcome.  Wow, that turned very typically British rather quick”

“I’m sorry, look I uh…. I’ve had an amazing day today and that’s been because of you and uh, you look really pretty too. Oh god…” I couldn’t look at him but even in the darkness of the night I am sure you could see my burning cheeks from the moon.

“Well, thank you.  What are you doing this weekend?” Harry asked squeezing my hand to bring my attention unwillingly to his face.

“Nothing I don’t think, why?”, “Come to Glasgow with me, we can talk more there” Harry offered and in that moment I realised that I would always struggle with not agreeing to do anything that he suggested.

“I haven’t been to Scotland in a while ….”

“What better reason do you have then?”, “You”.