#hE'S SO FUCKING CUTE I COULD SCREAM LOOKIT HIM

[puraiuddo]

Transformers One: Jazz gets cute little wings

[bxnnywrites]

🖤 Killers Reacting to Nervous!Reader Holding Their Hand (Pt. 2) 🖤

AN :: Since my last one was well received, I decided to do another one as a quickie! I'm also testing out a new layout so lmk what you think!! Hope you guys enjoy <3

Characters :: Kazan Yamaoka (The Oni), Eva MacMillan (The Trapper), Frank Morrison (The Legion), Susie Lavoie (The Legion), Bubba Sawyer (The Cannibal), Ellen Ripley (Bonus!) Pt 1 Here [link]

༉ Kazan Yamaoka :: The Oni

[PT: Kazan Yamaoka: The Oni]

✴ He's surprised by it at first, your small hand in his giant one.

✴ It puts into perspective just how tiny you are compared to him, though these days it's rare for anyone to be bigger than he is.

✴ You're so small, so frail. It gives him a surge of protectiveness, the need to keep you safe.

✴ He leans over and brings the back of your hand to his lips, kissing it softly, gentlemanly.

✴ Fucking hell that makes you blush even more.

✴ He chuckles a bit, ruffling your hair with one hand. A small act of affection to let you know you're safe.

✴ He will keep you safe, no matter what.

༉ Evan MacMillan :: The Trapper

[PT: Evan Macmillan: The Trapper]

✴ Honestly? He's a bit nervous too.

✴ He won't admit that though, won't even show it. Him? Nervous over someone holding his hand? Nah, he would never.

✴ He squeezes your hand in return, pulling you just a bit closer, but doesn't have much immediate reaction to it.

✴ Absolute sap about it in private though, can't stop thinking about it. It was so simple but it reminded him that you loved him, only him.

✴ The next time you're together he takes the initiative and holds your hand first. Keeping you close to him to really let everyone know who you belong to.

✴ Fuckin dork.

༉ Frank Morrison :: The Legion

[PT: Frank Morrison: The Legion]

✴ Aw, lookit you! You're so nervous from just some hand holding.

✴ "You're damn cute when you blush like that, babe."

✴ You pout in return and he chuckles, pulling you a bit closer and kissing your forehead.

✴ "You're just provin' the point, y'know?"

✴ More pouting and he's grinning ear to ear, bastard that he is.

✴ But you suppose that's why you love him in the first place, cocky son of a bitch.

✴ Anyways, similar to Michael, his hand now. It shall be returned within 3-5 business days. Dw about it.

༉ Susie Lavoie :: The Legion

[PT: Susie Lavoie: The Legion]

✴ asdfghjkl;'

✴ Oh my god hand? Hand Holding???? You are Holding her Hand?????

✴ Screaming internally

✴ You're blushing so much oh fuck you're so cute you're so pretty

✴ What does she do oh shit fuck uuuuuuh

✴ Holds your hand tighter, trying not to implode from her own nervous wreck of emotions.

✴ Eventually, and very quickly, she kisses your cheek.

✴ Trying not to die from her own blushing and embarrassment.

✴ You give her hand an affirming squeeze, smiling at her, and she relaxes.

✴ God how did she get so lucky?

༉ Bubba :: The Cannibal

[PT: Bubba: The Cannibal]

✴ You...you're holding his hand?

✴ You're so gentle, your hands are so small, so soft.

✴ He could crush your hands if he wasn't careful, a similar worry to Michael's.

✴ But you were holding his hand!!! Your dainty little hand was in his!!!!

✴ It was a sign you loved him, really loved him!

✴ He starts giggling, he can't help himself. He doesn't even notice how nervous you are, consumed with his own delight.

✴ Pulls you into a really, really tight hug. One of the ones where you have to remind him to be gentle.

✴ He makes an apologetic noise and nuzzles his face into your hair, picking you up bridal style to hold you close.

✴ He's so happy you love him, he loves you just as much. He's so darn lucky to have you.

༉ BONUS :: Ellen Ripley

[PT: Bonus: Ellen Ripley]

AN 2: wifewifewifewifewifewifewife

✴ Damn that's sweet.

✴ Sweet like the feeling of fresh coffee in her veins, like hearing her cat purr against her chest.

✴ And you're so damn cute all nervous like this, it makes her heart sing.

✴ God she's so glad to be trapped in this hellhole with you.

✴ She kisses the back of your hand and runs her thumb over it gently, giving you this look that lets you know you mean the world to her.

✴ And you look at her the same way.

✴ Wordless but full of meaning in such a simple touch. Affection that goes beyond what words could describe.

✴ The other survivors are gagging from how sweet you two are.

Final Notes :: I'm a big butch lesbian so I added my Wife as a bonus because this was a bit of a sausage fest (besides Susie, perfect lil angel baby). It was weird writing romance for Susie tbh bc when I look at her I'm just like "Ah yes, my child." because whenever I play as her I get weirdly protective and if she gets palette stunned it becomes like, a personal offense. That's my fuckign niece dude!!!!! But I know some peeps would love to be romantic with her so I am here to provide. As is the authors duty. If you make it weird I'm shanking you behind a Wendy's.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to rb and follow if you enjoyed!! <3

[ivysangel]

FREE USE WITH JASON ARE YOU INSANE???? /POS

I’ve been thinking about this since I saw your post. Your mind. Your brain is so big and beautiful. What. Jason texting you like ‘had a bad patrol’ and you are instantly waiting at the window for him and he’s crawling in and kissing the air out of your lungs. And is he covered in blood? Yeah. It might be his. Might not be. You don’t care because he’s pushing you down on the bed and pulling your pajama pants down and he’s laughing a little, very softly, because your underwear is cute, with the little bow on the front that he kisses before he slides them down, too. And he’s kissing your clit a murmuring ‘thank you’ before he eats you like he’s starving. He could just lay there for hours, lazily sucking and slurping until your brain is fuzzy. But he’s also impatient so he’s giving you literally one of the best orgasms of your life before pulling away and taking your shirt off, kissing you softly and fumbling with his belt until he pulls his cock out and taps it against your clit before sliding in. He is a nice fun mix of praise and degradation… “you’re so pretty. Such a pretty slut.” “I needed this, baby, needed this pussy, y’so greedy, lookit you…” “I’m gonna fuck you until you’re screaming my name, sweetheart.” Etc.

Sorry. Sorry. I’m insane. I’m going crazy. I’m going so insane. Your mind is so big for this concept. I’m obsessed. Will be thinking about this for weeks. -🎊

my big beautiful brain?????????????? WHAT ABOUT YOURS???

idgaf if it's a bio hazard, we're fucking right when he gets through that window. blood and everything. like hearing he had a bad night and your first thought being to comfort him with your pussy. likeeeeeeeee i'm SICK. temporarily abandoning my soft sex jason agenda to say that i think he'd get pretty rough in moments like this. not that he'd hurt you or anything but like...he's got you folded up like a pretzel, kinda just using you, getting a little nasty with his words. (omg can i say that, is it okay if i get a little dark on here guys??) he's still fucking you with love but there's just...a little anger mixed in there too!

[trueshellz]

First times with Daichi Part 2

Part 1

First time having sex

You were on a mission to seduce your long term boyfriend. You had explored every part of his amazing body, been on your knees for him and had his mouth on you while he bought you to orgasm multiple times but you really wanted him to fuck you. But he had always put it off, not wanting to rush you and wanting to respect your boundaries. Which would be cute as hell but now you were just horny. So tonight, you were going to dress sexily and seduce him... in theory.

Buying some sexy lingerie in his favourite colour, you had bathed and shaved everything and worn his favourite perfume. The lingerie was a cute teddy with matching lace shorts, the cups were sheer and didn't cover much but you guessed that was the whole point. You had invited Daichi over to yours for "dinner" and pulled on a t shirt and some denim shorts to cover yourself.

Under the pretense of dinner cooking, you both sat on the sofa and watched an old movie. Slipping away, you went to your room and undressed, checking your make up one last time you before you quietly went back to the living room. His reaction was comical, spitting out his drink and almost choking as he took in your outfit.

"Ba-baby." He coughed and thumped his chest a few times as you perched yourself on his lap. "Baby, what are you wearing?"

You felt your heart lurch into your throat, looking down at him with a sad face. "You... you don't like it Daichi?"

"Like it?" He stroked a finger over your nipple, rubbing a hand up you thighs and over your ass as he pecked you on your lips quickly. "Baby, I love it. But... what's the occasion?"

Running your hands up his torso, you smiled as you felt him groan. His hands now rubbing the space between your ass cheeks as you slowly grinded on him. You leaned forward and licked his neck, whispering in his ear. "Fuck me. Please?"

Holding you back by your shoulders, he held your chin in his hands. Forcing you to look at him in the eyes. "You sure? You don't owe me, I won't be the type of guy who forces you. I can wait, sweetheart."

You shook your head, removing his hands from your face and tugging at his t shirt, pulling it over his head before tracing his abs and pecs. "I want you, please Daichi." Taking his hand, you ran it over your breasts and down to your pussy, placing it inside your underwear. You breath hitched as he began stroking you slowly, fingers circling your clit as your head dropped forward onto his shoulder.

"You're such a naughty girl dressing up and seducing me y'know that? Here's me thinking you were my good little girl. But you're a little tease aren't you baby?"

Your breath caught in your throat as he reached to the front of your teddy and unclipped the clasp holding your breasts secure. His mouth sucking your nipple deeply as he hummed against your skin.

"Look how wet you're getting, fuck. You want me fill this needy little pussy up huh?"

Holy fuck where had this come from? Daichi had dabbled in some dirty talk with you before, mumbling as you sucked his cock down your throat, but this was something else. His mouth sucked your throat as he licked and bit you skin, your hands threaded themselves in his hair as you began moving against his fingers.

"Fuck baby, lookit you riding my fingers. Need me to fill this pussy up don't you? Hmm?"

You whined as he moved away, bringing his fingers up to his mouth and licking them clean as he flung your outfit to the floor. He picked you up bridal style and walked to the bedroom, laying you down slowly he caressed your legs. Kissing your calves and thighs as he pulled down your shorts, Daichi was determined to make this good for you. He knew first times hurt, but he'd be damned if he hurt you more than necessary.

"Keep your legs open for me okay baby?"

You gasped as he sucked your clit, fingers running up and down your thighs as he licked and flicked it with his tongue. Rubbing your wet hole with his thumb, he pressed in gently and waited, letting you get used to the intrusion.

"If you change your mind you let me know okay?"

You nodded quickly, hands finding purchase in his hair as you titled your hips up, wanting his sinful mouth back on you. "Don't stop please, it feels so good."

Circling your opening, he began moving his thumb in and out, replacing it with a finger instead as he reached for that spot that made you clench around them. Using his free hand to pinch your nipples, you body arched at the multiple assault of your senses.

"So tight baby, I'm gonna have to stretch you to take my cock."

Adding another finger, he started moving them upwards, your body rebelling against the intrusion at first. Not being used to the force he was using, but soon as he began sucking your clit harder. The stretch morphing into a pleasant thrum under your skin as pleasure overtook your senses.

"Daichi...please don't stop." You let out a long groan as he began finger fucking you in the earnest, your hands scrambling for purchase on the blanket as you felt your body tighten.

"Dachi... 'm gonna... 'm gonna cum. Oh God. Ohgodohgod... don't stop please."

Back arching as you.felt your body light up with pleasure, mouth open in a silent scream as you felt your body twitching and shaking.

"Thats it baby, come all over my fingers."

Mannouvering up, he stripped himself of his remaining clothes while keeping his fingers inside you as he pulled on a condom. Rubbing his dick up and down a few times, he leaned over and took your mouth in a hard kiss. Stroking your tongue with his own as he pressed inside you, swallowing your groan as you felt yourself stretch around him.

"Nearly there baby. That's it, take my cock like a good girl."

Hand reaching down you rub your clit, you widened your legs to ease some of the pressure. Daichi using this opportunity to hold your legs open as he pushed into the hilt. God you had never felt so full, you could feel him pulse inside you as he moved slowly at first. Urged on by your whimpers and seeing your hand moving between your own legs, he began fucking you in the earnest. His groans mixing with your own as his hips pistoned inside of you, reaching up to pull him down to your mouth as your leg was flung over his shoulder. This new position hitting a different spot inside you.

"Feel good baby? You wanted my cock didn't you? Wanted me to fuck this greedy little pussy. Can feel how wet you are baby, dripping down my balls as I fuck you."

"Daichi... mmm.. you feel so good. So good, oh my god. Don't stop, don't stop please. Please please please."

You could feel the familiar twinge between your legs spreading all over your body, his mouth swallowing all your gasps and moans as he felt your body stiffen. Arching your back, the feel of your body clenching around him was enough to send him over the edge.

Well, guess that plan worked super well.

First fight

You had planned for Daichi to meet your parents for a while, but they always seemed to be busy. You knew their jobs were demanding but you thought they would want to meet your boyfriend, the guy you loved and were serious about. It took two months of planning for your schedules to match up and you finally managed to organise lunch at a restaurant. You had both dressed up, you in a cute dress with matching heels and Daichi in a fitted suit and tie. You couldn't help but smile as you saw how nervous he was.

"Stop stressing babe. They'll love you because I do."

"Yeah? I hope so."

Lunch had started well enough, you all engaged in small conversation about your lives and dreams. But when Daichi mentioned his life playing volleyball and his dream of becoming a police officer, the mood on the table dropped quickly.

"A police officer? Will you be able to support our daughter?"

"Dad? I-"

"Sir, I don't understand-"

"You think working such a lowly job is going to provide for my daughter? Not only did you waste your life on a useless sport, you're now going into a terrible career with poor job prospects."

"Dad! I can work and help with the bills. Why should it be his responsibility only?"

Your mother who has been quiet most of the dinner, suddenly stood up and placed her napkin on the table. "If you'll excuse us, I'm afraid I've seemed to have lost my appetite."

"Mum! What do you mean? You're joking right?"

The drive back to your apartment was tense, the atmosphere in the car was a huge contrast to the excitement that you had felt on the way there. You could see his knuckles white as he clutched the steering wheel, face drawn in anger as he drove. You jumped as he smacked the wheel with his hand.

"I'm never going to be good enough for you."

"What?"

"Getting a lowly job to support you. Making you work to help us out. Your parents are never going to approve of this relationship."

"Are you serious right now? I love you. I don't care about my parents."

As Daichi parked the car, you rushed to follow him as he stormed to the apartment. Pulling off his tie, you saw him run his hands through his hair and grit his teeth. You couldn't believe how rude your parents were, how judgemental they had been of him. You loved Daichi, you wanted spend your life with him.

"And you!" He whirled around to glare at you, you'd never seen him so angry. "You didn't even defend me."

"What the fuck Daichi? All I did was defend you. They're my parents, what did you want me to do."

"Take my side! Instead you said you'll get a job and made me look even more useless. Now they think you're settling for a poor loser."

You stormed up to him and poked his chest with your finger, you could feel tears of anger and frustration threatening to fall down your face. "Don't you ever say that again. I love you Daichi Sawamura. I don't care about my parents or what they're gonna say. I don't care about money or having a job. I care about you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have babies with you." You couldn't stop the tears this time, quickly the anger blended into sobs as you collapsed into his chest.

Daicho had frozen, not only had he been selfish and made you cry but he tried to digest what you had said. You wanted to marry him? Have babies with him? Him? He felt his throat close up as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he held you close.

"Baby, baby look at me."

You shook your head as he pulled you into his chest. His arms wrapped around you and rocked you side to side. You couldn't fathom how this day had turned out so badly, you didn't care about your parents and their thoughts. You had never agreed with their views on society and they had disapproved of alot of things you did. But you thought seeing you happy, they would accept him.

"I'm sorry. Baby, I'm so sorry. I'm such an idiot. Shhhhhh, it's okay. I didn't mean to yell at you."

You sobs became hiccups as your tears stopped, you clutched the back of his shirt as he held you. "I love you Daichi. Fuck everyone else."

"I know baby. I know. I'm sorry."

Daichi promised himself that day that he would spend the rest of his life making you happy. He never wanted to see you cry again because of him.

[fanficsandfluff]

The Snyder Cut: Headcanons (mostly of the tickly nature)

Bruce Wayne (Batman) ~ Batfleck, my love

He’s such a lover boy, and I can say that though I don’t exactly know how to explain what I mean. You just gotta understand.

He cares so strongly about EVERYONE. e v e r y o n e. Alfred, fucking loves the guy, jokes with him. The fucking “This is Alfred, I work for him.” MY MAN, STOP!

I think he just really wants to get along with everyone and wants everyone to get along in general.

But he lowkey crushes on Diana (at least in his mind, he’s keeping it lowkey, but we all see what’s happening)

I love the idea of this big hunk of a man getting soft with someone like Diana. 

She makes him genuinely laugh this one time by saying something funny, and then they’re both laughing together. 

Bruce definitely has one of those laughs where he throws his head back and shit and you can see his like Adam’s apple bobbing and everything.

But that’s if he’s really laughing.

And he has loud “HA”’s that are like really short but loud and then he kinda just snickers to himself for a while, holding his stomach.

And dude, the scene in freaking uhh… i think it’s BvS I’m not 100% (maybe i fucking imagined it who knows) where she like comes over to him and is fixing his wound….. tickle scenario hand picked from the gods right there

I can see a whole, “Woah!” from Bruce when Diana traces her fingers on some sensitive skin. And that Gal Godot smile is on her in an INSTANT. 

Bruce will laugh if he’s with the right person. Like I headcanon that if he’s being tickled, he will laugh if it’s done by Diana or Barry, then like he’ll be forced to laugh if it’s Clark bc he overpowers the poor bat, but then he just has these hilarious bouts of angry growls and chuckles if Arthur is going after him. 

I can’t even write about Batfleck being a ler because I will literally explode, so I’m done here 

(((((butseriouslyifanyonewantstotalklerbatfleckwithmehmuplz)))))

Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) 

I know the GIF isn’t from ZSJL but just let me live, ok? (Also I couldn’t find the one of Gal wiggling her fingers YOU KNOW THE ONE I’M TALKING ABOUT)

First off, Gal is the most horrible queen of giggles. I’ve seen those blooper reels. My god, girl, how do you keep getting hired?

SHE HAS SUCH A BIG SMILE IT’S LIKE THE ROCK IDK HOW THEIR TEETH AND MOUTH GET SO WIDE LOOKING

Diana will start tickle fights without a doubt.

She’s already very trustful and I also feel pretty handsy with people, especially those she may feel close to. So if she’s playful, you best watch out.

Her favorite targets are Bruce and Barry. I will not take criticism. Diana attacking Barry and reducing him to panicky shrieky laughs is my #1 thought. It’s not even living rent free, I’m commissioning it to be there.

Diana is one to laugh with her victims. She will wreck them and have a great time doing so. 

She’ll be ticklish if she wants to be, but it isn’t often she gets pinned and tickled or anything like that.

The guys try to stay away from her or not go after her with tickles for fear of retaliation.

AQUAMAN, CYBORG, SUPERMAN, AND THE FLASH UNDER THE CUT

Arthur Curry (Aquaman)

So…. my man isn’t really ticklish. I really don’t think he is, I feel like his Atlantean genes make his skin a special kind of hard, if that makes sense?

THAT BEING SAID ARTHUR IS THE BIGGEST LER OMGGG

He’ll try and act all cool and ‘whatever’ around the League cuz that’s kind of his persona.

But he slowly gets to like them more and more and his playful side starts to come out.

He’ll tickle Barry out of pure annoyance. Like if Barry makes any kind of comment, he’ll just point his finger out and get that glint in his eye and Barry is sprinting for the hills.

Here’s my favorite headcanon: Arthur will tickle Bruce because he knows it pisses him off when he does it. Bruce will fight back and keep Arthur in his sights at all time and curse and growl at him. And Arthur thinks it’s hilarious.

Arthur as a ler will taunt and tease until the cows come home

“Huh, big guy? What’s that? Ahawww that’s what I thought!... Not so fast/tough/etc. now!... I will wreck you.”

Victor Stone (Cyborg)

Unfortunately… not ticklish. :(

But this boy has the sweetest laugh you will ever hear, and I will die on that hill. 

Now that he has friends (superpowered friends, no less), he can slowly come alive and be himself. 

I can see Victor not getting involved in tickle fights at first, but at a certain point he’ll be all like, “Okay, step aside so we can do this right” and just PIN THE SHIT OUT OF WHOEVER IS BEING TICKLED. His extra robot arms are killer!

Okay, when he laughs for the first time in front of the group, there’s that cliche moment of pause where everything stops and everyone just stares and listens to him. It’s so rare to hear him laugh because the poor kid barely even smiled around them in the beginning. 

He SMIRKS

Now hear me out on this…

Okay, so half a face. Great. Weird. We love it. But you can see all of mischievous Victor when the guy SMIRKS. You see his eye squint and you can swear his robot eye gets a gleam of a different color. 

Wait honestly as I was writing that, the thought of Victor’s eye and like his apparatus changing color based on his mood is golden.

Me sitting here, lowkey wishing Victor’s robot body had some kind of cuddly mode like Baymax lmfaoooo 

Like the defense mode his body went into when he was around resurrected Supes, but for cuddles and being cute.

Clark Kent (Superman)

I was debating even including any headcanons for Superman bc I don’t care about him much, honestly.

I am v happy they kept in the whole ‘him staring at Flash through the speed storm’ scene bc I laughed so hard at that the first time i saw Josstice League in the theater. 

Also I didn’t really like the black superman costume??? I’m not a comic buff, so I’m assuming that’s why. I am like the one person who missed the color from the Josstice League cut. Don’t miss the stupid red sky in the finale, but I miss every other ounce of color that was just SUCKED right out of the Snyder Cut.

Clark and Bruce are besties now, I don’t make the rules. Bruce bought the man his house back. By buying the bank. He’ll take care of him.

And I’ve always simped for those two ever since BvS, bc I’ve already written like two fics where they tickle each other. 

Clark overpowering Bruce to tickle the shit out of him makes me so happy lol. Big strong boy Batfleck looking thiccc over here… but put him against Superman and he’s donezo. Because as mentioned earlier, I do think Bruce is pretty ticklish. 

But Clark can have his lee side when he’s feeling nice

He’s got that mighty chuckle, almost like how Thor might laugh. 

And he really likes getting involved in tickle fights with the League. He knows all of them are sorta afraid of him on the daily anyway, but have that power added to a tickle fight and it’s fun as hell. 

He’s gotten taken down by them ONCE. And I mean exactly (1) O N C E.

They all teamed up. Bing, bang, boom. Pinned him to the floor and they each took an area of skin and fucking SQUEEZED AND WIGGLED. They were trying to incapacitate him as quickly as possible. And dangummit, he laughed a lot! Like Clark realized just how ticklish he could feel if he wanted to feel it. 

And don’t even get me started on Lois, he’s big on getting her to giggle and she likes toying with him and running her hands all over his body (bc who wouldn’t?)

Barry Allen (The Flash)

I waited to write about Barry last because I have so much to say about this character....

and then I fell asleep and waited until the next day to write anything down about him so now I’m totally not in the mood and I forgot all the salient points I was planning on making.

fuck you, michelle.

I got a weird relationship with this character. He was mad annoying in the Josstice League. Thank goodness they trimmed his bad jokes down.

But now....

when he got hurt at the end and he was like crying and shit oh my god I wanted to hug him

His character got so... good

And I’m now at the right age where I can think about myself in a relationship with this character with no changes or shame

We both out here trying to find that one good job after college and everything

BARRY JUST WANTS FRIENDS, GUYS

HE’S THAT CUTE

And then he got this whole found family schtick with the Justice League!!! Lookit him!!! Thriving!

He has total little brother energy

like, pesky little brother. Bothers everyone, looks over people’s shoulders while they’re deep in thought or concentrating on something.

Asks a lot of questions.

All the more reason for the gang to want to tickle the shit out of him.

Barry just reads like a super ticklish lee. Like his whole character.

Maybe touch starved because he said he needed friends, and I don’t think he has siblings??? (sorry if i’m wrong about that, comic fans)

I already named some of my fav headcanons about him getting tickled by like Diana and such, and I’m sticking with it.

Barry does flee. He runs away with super speed.... but sometimes he just kinda wants the tickles so he lets them have at him. 

The chase is all part of the fun with tickling Barry, though. That’s what makes it so entertaining. And Barry isn’t afraid to be a little shit about it either. He will super-speed around his pursuers and poke their sides and tickle them back really quickly before they even know what’s happening. 

Barry doesn’t exactly hold back his laughter lol. He’ll protest and scream and squirm like crazy, but once he’s actually tickled, he loses it.

Pure boy. With funny ass facial expressions.

And it really doesn’t help that I never realized just how hot Ezra Miller is, even though I heard he’s not a great person irl. Oh well.

THAT’S ALL FOLKS!

Please please let me know if y’all have things to add, to squee over, to question me about... please. anything. i’m here for you. thanks for reading, guys!

[airplanned]

Even More "Are You The One?"

episode 8

*Lookit Nerd Guy doing beam logic! Fuck Amber and her "can we just focus on connections?" They didn't get real far with that.

*Remi and Paige, are kinda cute. But Paige isn't into it and they're not a match.

*Kai is not a match with either Nour or Jasmine. I am bored of him.

*Why is there a chicken in their house? Why did we only get to see it for 20 seconds??

Headline Challenge time:

Yikes Amber is a stalker.

Booo, none of these people could be perfect matches, but at least they can send Jenna and Amber and shut that down.

*Max is so mad about this suck and blow game. I am not convinced Max went to high school.

*Basit just sitting back on this date letting Kai and Nour have some time together. That's nice.

*They're at a restaurant. I want to know what they're eating. Is it good?

*Basit says, "This game is not called "Are you the strategist?"" I DISAGREE.

I know Jenna and Jasmine aren't a match. I'm bored.

Jasmine saying that the strategy isn't working when there was no strategy involved here hurts my heart.

*I'm so glad that Brandon and Aasha are out of this mess.

*KARI! Doing the logic! Coming up with correct conclusions!

*Kai's match is either Nerd guy or Remi, and he's just over here leading everyone astray. Worried for them, and not happy that Danny is probably his match.

*"You go into the Boom Boom Room with someone else while I'm making a sandwich!" made me laugh so hard.

*Oh my God, there's so much glitter. I hate it. God, the producers are going to be finding it for years. It's in their beards!!

*Were they provided these outfits?

*Poor Paige, who just keeps catching the Remi rock.

*The pictures they're taking are awful

*Yes, Jasmine is mimicking Nour. Jasmine is great, except for her hanging out with Kai. I appreciate how Remi slowed down to check on that (I'm going to assume it's because he might have to break it up and not because he wants to watch the train wreak).

*lots of screaming. ESH.

[snappedsky]

Fanatics Adventures in Space Part 6

We get a look at the Night Terrors and their time back on Earth. Previous! Next!

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All Aboard!!

           We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you: Earth. A magnificent blue marble in a galaxy the locals call The Milky Way. On its surface, on a section of land the locals call America, in a region the locals call California, is a city that not even the locals have a name for. It is known only as The Nameless City. And anyone who has spent any amount of time there will know…it’s weird.

           The city is not only home to humans but all manner of creatures from fantasy and horror. Many of these creatures are dangerous and a threat not only to the city, but sometimes to the whole planet as well. But even though the self-proclaimed heroes- the Battalion- are off-planet, the city is not without protection. In their stead they have left the Night Terrors.

           With psyches born from pure evil, bodies created from imagination, and powers the likes of which most can’t even dream of, they are the perfect substitutes.

           Unfortunately, being heroes isn’t easy.

             “What are they!”

           “Run away!”

           Civilians scream and scatter as little furry creatures crawl out of the sewer grates. They leap onto people, scratching and pulling out their hair.

           On a nearby rooftop, four figures watch the chaos. One of them pulls a small notebook out of their top hat and flips through the pages.

           “Gremlins,” he reads. “They’re fast but should be easy enough to handle. Just kill them however you can.”

           “Sounds fun,” his near identical comrade comments.

           “Let’s get to work,” the largest of the group demands.

           “Me first!” the fourth declares and leaps off the building.

           Sickness lands perfectly on the ground. She grabs a running passerby’s shirt and rips a gremlin from their hair. Then she snaps the little creature’s neck.

           Reverend Meat, Mr. Fuck, and Psycho Doughboy are quick to join her. They split up along the block, freeing the civilians from the attacking gremlins, but not being very courteous. They shove the humans around like nuisances and tear into the gremlins, breaking their bones, smashing them with a hammer, or cutting into them with a knife.        

           Finally the street is cleared out and the last of the gremlins are quickly dealt with, all except for one, which tries to escape through a sewer grate.

           “Whoa there,” Eff exclaims as he grabs the creature by the scruff of its neck. “Lookit you, trying to be all slick.”

           The gremlin snarls and thrashes its little claws as it tries to escape Eff’s grip. He holds it safely at arm’s length, grinning.

           “You know, it’s kind of cute,” he comments, “we should keep it as a pet.”

           “I don’t think Aron would appreciate that,” Sickness points out.

           “Kill it and let’s get back to the van,” Reverend Meat orders, “I’m starving.”

           Eff shrugs apathetically, stabs the little creature through the head, and drops it at his feet before following the others. They walk off, leaving behind a gruesome, grisly slaughter scene.

           They arrive back at their home within a few minutes; an old VW van, bright pink and tricked out with alien tech. They enter through the side door. Their roommate and landlord, Aron, is curled up in the driver’s seat, a hoodie over his head and his face barely illuminated by the glow of a laptop screen as he types furiously.

           “Hey, Aron,” Eff says. He grunts in reply.

           Reverend Meat opens up a cooler and sighs at the lack of selection. He settles on a half rotting apple and sits on the soft seats.

           “Whose turn is it to go shopping?” he asks.

           “Supposed to be Serena,” Sickness replies as she sits next to him. “Where is she anyway? Haven’t seen her since yesterday.”            “Hopefully shopping,” D-boy says as he lies down in his hammock.

           Almost as if on cue, the door opens and their vampire roommate, Serena, walks in, carrying four groceries bags.

           “Ah, finally,” Reverend Meat exclaims, tossing away the apple and tearing into the bags.

           “What, did you think I’d forget,” she grunts.

           She tosses off her sweater and sunglasses and she slumps onto the seats next to Eff.

           “Where were you last night?” he asks.

           “Getting some action,” she replies, “but it was so dry. God, I am just so sick of guys who think that just because their dick is big that means they’re the king of sex or something. If you’ve got no technique then you’re no good. Quality over quantity, right?”

           “What does it matter?” D-boy questions, “you just suck their blood anyway.”

           “Yeah, but I wanna have fun first,” she whines.

           “First world problems,” Reverend Meat grunts, a granola bar hanging out of his mouth. “We have bigger issues. Like food. This isn’t gonna last us through the week.”

           “It would if you didn’t devour everything,” Sickness points out.

           “Hey, blame Squee. He’s the one who gave me such a large figure. I gotta keep it up.”

           “Well, maybe you guys could pitch in once in a while,” Serena says with annoyance.

           “We would but we’re kind of busy, you know, protecting the city,” Eff points out.

           “Come on,” she scoffs, “how much protecting could the city really need? It survived just fine before those kids decided to play hero.”

           “Hey, just earlier we had to fight off a bunch of vicious gremlins,” Reverend Meat says.

           “Yeah, and yesterday that large bat creature attacked a park,” Sickness adds, “it’s crazy out there.”

           “Right. We have to remain vigilante; constantly watching over this city and its people as their heroes,” Eff concludes dramatically.

           Serena nods sarcastically as she looks at them, lounging comfortably. “Well, you’re doing a great job.”

           “Even heroes deserve a break,” D-boy shrugs.

           “Yeah,” Sickness agrees, “besides, there’s nothing going on right no-.”

           Suddenly a loud engine noise cuts her off, like a jet going by, accompanied by the van lurching to the left. Everyone exclaims with surprise as they lose their balance.

           “What the hell was that?” Aron squeaks, looking over the side of his seat.

           Reverend Meat throws open the door and they all look outside. All the vehicles parked along the road are on the curbs, almost like they’ve been pushed over, just like the van; there is a pair of long skid marks burnt all the way down the road as far as they can see and smoke has just started dissipating.

           “What the hell could go that fast?” Eff asks.

           “Guess we gotta find out,” Reverend Meat replies, “Serena, can you drive?”

           “Yeah! Sounds fun,” she chimes as she hops into the driver’s seat.

           “What? Bu-but,” Aron stammers.

           “Hang on!” Serena exclaims and starts the van. It immediately takes off at an incredibly high speed. The others lose their footing and tumble into the back seat.

           Serena speeds the van through the streets, following the dark skid marks and the path of destruction. Vehicles have been shoved over the curb, street signs and lamps are knocked over, and car wrecks are on every corner. But whatever caused it is still a mystery.

           As they continue on, the smoke gradually gets thicker. Everyone is clustered in the front, holding onto the seats or the dash, trying hard to see what’s causing it.

           Serena hits the brakes, causing the others to slam into the dashboard, as police cars turn onto the road, sirens blaring. They watch them disappear into the smoke, bewildered.

           A siren suddenly gets louder and they exclaim with shock as a police car flies over them and crashes into the road. Before they can look back at it, the other police cars start flying towards them, overhead or tumbling down the road.

           “Go go go!” Reverend Meat barks.

           Serena hits the gas and screeches down the road, swerving around to dodge the onslaught of police cars. As they thin out and the smoke gets thicker, a loud engine can be heard. Everyone squints and strains to see what’s causing it.

           “What…is that…” Eff asks with bewilderment.

           Through the smoke they can see the back of some kind of large vehicle. It takes up nearly the whole road and is knocking everything out of its path with ease. Smoke is being released from a stack on its top near the front. Now that they’re closer to it, the loud engine sounds more like a train than a jet.

           The back opens up like a hatch and a dark red tail-like appendage folds out. Everyone shouts with surprise as it smacks the side of the van.        

           It doesn’t move an inch and absorbs all the shock.

           The tail lifts up and seems to stare at them, perplexed, before going back inside and closing the hatch.

           “Serena, get closer to it,” Reverend Meat orders, “we’re gonna get on top and see what’s going on.”

           Serena gets the van as close to it as she can without touching it. Reverend Meat rolls down the passenger side window and he, the Doughboys, and Sickness clamber onto the roof. They steady themselves, then one by one jump over to the strange vehicle.

           The smoke is much thicker up here. They cough as they cling to the roof, the enormous speed threatening to blow them off. They crawl carefully along the roof to the front of the vehicle. As they pass the smoke stack, the air becomes much clearer and they’re able to see just what it is they’re dealing with.

           “It’s like a…monster train!” D-boy exclaims.

           The vehicle looks like a short train, the rail wheels tearing into the road at blurring speed. It doesn’t appear to have doors or windows of any kind. Instead, the front looks almost like a built-in face, with angular eyes and painted on fangs.

           “All aboard!” A metallic voice seems to ring out of the smoke stack. “Not! No stowaways on my trip! I’m the fastest thing alive and I will not be slowed down!”

            A compartment on either side of the train opens up and two long, dark red arms are released. The Night Terrors exclaim with surprise and leap out of the way as the arms swing at them, smashing onto the roof of the train.

           “What do we do?” D-boy asks, shouting over the engine.

          “It wants to be the fastest thing alive,” Reverend Meat says, “so maybe if we beat it in a race, it’ll stop.”

           “I don’t think even I can outrace this thing,” Sickness points out.

           Eff narrowly dodges an arm as it slams down beside him. Before it can withdraw, he pulls a long sword out of his hat and slices clean through the wrist.

           A sharp, metallic scream rings out as the wounded arm flails about. The train swerves around a little, crashing into buildings. The Night Terrors exclaim and struggle to maintain their balance.

           “It didn’t seem to like that,” Eff grins.

           “Fine, destruction it is,” Reverend Meat declares and starts punching the roof, denting the unearthly metal with his powerful strength.

           The monster cries out again. “Stop, you vermin!”

           Its remaining arm swings at them. Everyone easily ducks out of the way.

           Reverend Meat’s large fist finally breaks through the metal into a gooey surface. He yanks his hand out and black liquid drips from his fingers.

           “Gro-o-oss,” Eff chuckles.

           Reverend Meat starts to lift his fist again when the train suddenly lurches. Its back curves upwards, shooting the Night Terrors into the air. They scream as they plummet to the ground. Reverend Meat and Eff both land on street lamps; Sickness hits the road; and D-boy lands right on the hood of their van.

           Sickness quickly jumps to her feet and starts going after the train on foot with her magnificent speed. Eff follows, leaping from street lamps to telephone poles. Reverend Meat jumps to the top of a nearby building and races off in a different direction. D-boy clings to the van, Serena still in hot pursuit of the train.

           “Hey, D!” she calls out through the driver’s side window. “You know what I just realized? When it comes to guys, the important thing isn’t quality or quantity. It’s durability!”

           “Huh?” he exclaims.

           “Get ready!”

           She steps down hard on the accelerator, pushing it down to the floor. The van grinds against the back of the train. Aron whimpers and squeezes his seatbelt.

           “Wa-wait!” D-boy cries.

           Serena hits the brake and D-boy goes flying off the van.

           He screams as he sails over and past the train. Everyone watches in awe.

           “No!” the train shrieks, “nothing can be faster than me! Nothing!”

           It suddenly picks up speed, somehow going even faster. It races right for D-boy. He grabs his hat, pulls out a large mallet, and meets it head-on.

           Coupled with the incredible momentum, he smashes the train’s face in, nearly stopping it in its tracks. Its back end flies up and tumbles over its head. It starts to fall on D-boy when Reverend Meat suddenly swings in from a nearby alley and slams into it, smashing it into nearby buildings. Eff and Sickness leap in- Eff brandishing a sword and Sickness readying an axe kick- and deliver the final blow.

           The van catches up and Serena and Aron get out to join the Night Terrors.

           “That was awesome!” Serena cheers.

           “You are fucking crazy,” D-boy snaps.

           “Aw, come on. I knew it wouldn’t kill you,” she shrugs.

           “Jeez, first gremlins, and now that thing,” Sickness groans, “it’s a madhouse out here.”            “But the city’s safe for another day,” Eff beams.

           “I am starving,” Reverend Meat says.

           They all go back into the van and drive off as the dust settles, leaving behind another scene of destruction and ruin.

[turtle-steverogers]

Christmas is for Family

chaotic dads on christmas!!!  happy holidays, everyone

warnings: none

ships: ralbert, jatherine

editing: hnnnnnng

“Daddy, can you do my hair?”

“Papa, where’s my red tie?”

As per usual, things were hectic in the Dasilva-Higgins household as they rushed to get out the door.  They were to be at the Kelly’s in an hour for their annual Christmas festivities and the drive from their little apartment in Brooklyn was a good forty minutes from the former’s in Washington Heights.

Race and Albert exchanged stressed glances as they finished slipping on their button down shirts and in Albert’s case, fixing his hair.

“Coming, sweet pea,” Albert called, abandoning his custom made hair dryer and grabbing a few ponytail holders from behind the mirror for Emelia.

Race smoothed down his shirt, adjusting his belt one more time before toeing on his dress shoes and hurrying down the hallway before Andrew could work himself into a frenzy.

“Bud, it’s right here,” He said, plucking Andrew’s child sized tie from the doorknob and holding it up for his son to see.  

“Oh, phew!” Andrew wiped his forehead dramatically, before taking the tie from his father and wrapping it carefully around his neck, making a few random knots before turning to his father, grinning triumphantly.

“Look, Papa,” He exclaimed, “I tied it all by myself!”

“You sure did, dude,” Race said, biting back laughter at the mess of knots and kneeling in front of Andrew, “And you did a great job, but I think we’re going for something a little different,” he gently untied the tie and expertly knotted it in a double windsor, securing it neatly under Andrew’s collar, “There you go, bud,” he said, standing and ruffling his son’s hair, “All set.”

Emelia came sliding in a moment later, her newly done french braid flying behind her.  She knelt by her bed, rifling around underneath for a few moments before extracting her new pair of Mary-Janes.  

“Daddy!” She shouted, placing the shoes on the floor in front of her.  When Albert didn’t come, she screamed again, “DADDY!”

“Peanut,” Race said, kneeling in front of his daughter, “What’s wrong?  Daddy might be busy, is it something I can help with?”

“I needa put on my shoes,” Emelia pouted, “But I want Daddy’s help.”

Race raised his eyebrows, but before he could respond, Albert peeked in head in, “Did someone call?”

“Yeah,” Emelia said, jumping ot her feet and barreling over Race to get to Albert, “Help me with my shoes.”

Albert bent down on one knee, taking the shoes from her and giving her a pointed look, “Help you with your shoes, what?”

Emelia scrunched her nose for a moment, before adding, “Please?”

“That’s better,” Albert praised, helping her sit down so her could slip on her shoes.

Five minutes later, they were out the door, Race and Albert each carrying large bags filled with presents for everyone.  The ride to the Kelly’s was spent playing Christmas music obnoxiously loud, while Andrew and Emelia attempted to sing along to lyrics they didn’t know.  As Race belted along, he couldn’t help but feel slightly bad for Albert, who was never the biggest fan of Christmas nor Christmas music, but as he cast a look at his husband, he could make out the beginnings of a smile on his face.

“Why if it isn’t my favorite niece and nephew!” Jack Kelly greeted Emelia and Andrew and they ran to hug his legs, “Are you guys having a good Christmas so far?”

“Yeah!” Emelia squealed, pulling away to hug Katherine instead, Andrew following suit.

“That’s very good to hear,” Katherine smiled, “I think Teddy and Cynthia are in the playroom if you two want to go play with them.”

Andrew and Emelia exchanged excited grins before running off in the direction of their cousins.  

“Still never understood why you named your kid Cynthia,” Albert mumbled as he shrugged off his jacket.

“Babe,” Race scolded, lightly thumping Albert on the arm, “Have some tact.”

“I’ll have you know,” Jack said, defensively, “Cynthia was my mother’s name before she died.”

Albert had the decency to look a little ashamed as he shrugged, “You do you, I guess.”

“Anyway,” Race interjected, holding up the bags he was carrying, “We brought presents and food.”

“Oh, I’ll take the dishes from you,” Katherine said, taking one of the bags from Race, “You can go ahead and put the presents under the tree.”

“Thanks, Kathy,” Race said, “Merry Christmas.”

Twenty minutes later, Davey, Crutchie, and Spot had arrived and the seven adults were lounging around in the living room, passing around a bottle of wine.

“Yeah,” Jack said, taking Crutchie’s offer for more wine, “Teddy got in a fight the other day.  Some sucker was picking on Cynthia and he soaked ‘em right in the eye.”

“Damn, Kelly,” Crutchie scoffed, “Sure is your kid.”

“We tried really hard to be mad at him,” Katherine sighed, “But we honestly were proud more than anything.”

“I mean, yeah,” Albert said, stretching his arm across the back of the couch, “First thing we taught Andrew and Em was to stand up for themselves.  Don’t take shit from no one.”

“Speak of the devils,” Race muttered as four pairs of footsteps could be heard pattering down the hallway.

Sure enough, all four kids came bursting into the living room, skidding to a halt when they saw all the adults gathered.

“Heya, kiddos,” Spot said, eyeing them in amusement, “Ya need something?”

“Uh,” Andrew, who was at the front of their little parade, glanced behind him at the others, “We just wanted to look at the presents.”

“You can look,” Race said, gesturing to the tree, “But no opening any until after dinner.”

No one missed the way the kids’ shoulders slumped in defeat, but none of them argued.  They slid to their knees in front of the tree, passing around boxes to one another and taking guesses of the contents.  Race and Katherine disappeared into the kitchen at one point to finish dinner, while Jack and Spot carried the craft table in from the playroom to set up for the kids.  

“Daddy,” Andrew whined, laying himself across Albert’s lap, “Is dinner almost ready?”

“Soon, champ,” Albert said, stroking a hand through Andrew’s blond locks, “Have you and your sister washed your hands yet?”

“Oh!” Andrew leapt up, launching himself off of Albert’s stomach, “C’mon, Emmy, we gotta go wash our hands!”

Albert groaned, rubbing his gut where Andrew had pushed himself from, “My god, they’re gonna be the death of me.”

Davey laughed, clapping him on the back as he stood to help Race and Katherine take food out from the kitchen, “That’s life, daddy.”

“Okay, it’s cute coming from my kids, but you?” Albert stood, too, casting a disgusted look at Davey, “No.”

“Yeah,” Race said, materializing next to them, holding a pan of mac and cheese, “Only three people that can call him ‘Daddy’ are me, Em, and Andrew.”

“Gross, Higgins,” Crutchie called from his chair.

“I wish he were lying,” Albert murmured as Race cackled.

“What?” Davey asked.

“Hm?” Albert countered, fixing Davey with an innocent smile.

“You just,” Davey trailed off, looking between Race and Albert, “you know what? Nevermind.”

Race grinned, sticking his tongue between his teeth as he set the macaroni down on the table, just in time for the kids to come running back.

“Papa!” Emelia said, making grabby hands at Race, who hoisted her onto his hip, “My hands are squeaky clean, look!” She shoved her tiny hands into Race’s face.  He flinched, rearing back a little at the sudden movement.

“I see, darling,” He laughed, placing her down in one of the chairs at the kids’ table, “good job.”

Teddy and Cynthia joined them a moment later, calling for their own parents to help them with food.  Once they were situated, the adults settled at the larger table and begun passing around the various dishes.

“My god,” Spot moaned through a mouthful of lasagna, “I always forget how goddamn-”

“Language, Conlon.”

“Shit, sorry, Kelly, FUCK.”

“Take your time.”

Spot took a deep breath as the others laughed around him, “I always forget how good of a cook you are, Racer.”

“Thanks, man,” Race said, shoving an entire roll into his mouth.

Katherine studied him with a smirk, “You haven’t changed one bit since college.”

Race let out an offended smirk through his mouthful of bread, making him look like an upset chipmunk, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Papa!” Andrew called from his seat, “no speaking with your mouth full!”

Race blushed and swallowed as the adults all laughed, “Sorry, bambino, you’re right.”

XXX

“Present time!” Cynthia shouted, launching from her place on the couch and onto her father’s back.  They had long since finished and the adults had tricked the kids into playing several rounds of Twister while they relaxed off their food comas.

But now the temptation had seemingly returned and all the children were gathered eagerly around the tree, waiting to open gifts.

Jack let out a soft ‘oof’ as he maneuvered his daughter into his arms securely, “Aight, sweetie, we can open presents now.”

All of the kids cheered loudly and Andrew rushed off to find his fathers.  He returned a moment later, pulling Race and Albert behind him.

“Alright, dude,” Race said, nudging Andrew back over to the tree, “Dig in.”

Andrew, Emelia, Cynthia, and Teddy crawled around the perimeter of the tree, ripping open present after present.

“Oh my gosh, Daddy! Papa! Look!” Emelia scrambled over to Race and Albert, holding up a shoe box, “I got dance shoes!”

“Lookit that, sweet pea,” Race beamed, “you know what that means?”

“I can start taking you and Daddy’s classes?” She asked, hopefully.

“Yep!” Albert said, “You can start taking classes, love.”

“Yay!” Emelia shrieked, running over to Andrew, who had also opened a new pair of dance shoes, “We get to take Daddy and Papa’s classes!”

“Didn’t know if they’d actually be interested,” Albert said, leaning his head on Race’s shoulders.

“Yeah, I’m a little surprised they’re this excited,” Race said, “I didn’t realize they paid so much attention to the classes we’ve brought them to.”

“Me neither.”

“Not complaining, though,” Race yawned, “Imagine: The Dasilva-Higgins- a family of dancers.”

Albert leaned up, brushing a kiss to Race’s jaw, “You tired?”

Race shrugged, casting his gaze back towards their children, who were now comparing new DS games, “A little.”

“We can corral the squirts soon.”

“Soon,” Race agreed.

XXX

“Alright, bud,” Albert said, plucking a half-asleep Andrew out of the pile of wrapping paper that surrounded the tree, “Time for us to go.”

Race had already extracted Emelia from the mess and was carefully putting her presents into a small garbage bag, paying mind to her sleeping form in his other arm.

Andrew nodded sleepily, resting his head on his father’s shoulder and dozing off again.  Race and Albert took the kids out to the car, strapping them in their booster seats and placing their present bags securely under their seats before going back inside to bid the others goodbye.

The ride back home seemed shorter than the commute to the Kelly’s and they arrived a half-hour later in front of their apartment complex.  Careful not to wake either of the children, Race and Albert carried Andrew and Emelia up to their apartment, opting to take their presents in in the morning.

They helped the still sleeping children into their pajamas, then carefully tucked them into bed.

“Daddy?” Emelia asked, opening her eyes halfway.

“Hey, sweetie,” Albert said, kneeling by her bed, “Did you have a good Christmas?”

Emelia nodded, tucking herself deeper into her pillow and closing her eyes again.

“I’m glad,” Albert smiled, kissing her on the forehead, “Merry Christmas, sweet pea.”

“Merry Christmas, Daddy,” a pause, “Merry Christmas, Papa.”

Race ran a hand through her hair, which was wavy from the french braid, “Merry Christmas, baby.”

“Andrew asleep?” Albert asked as he stood, nodding to the lump in his son’s bed.

“Out like a light.”

Albert grinned fondly, calling out anway, “Night, Andrew.”

There was no response and Race snickered, “Heavy sleeper,” he commented, “Just like you.”

They left the room, closing the door softly as they did so.  Albert showered as Race washed up and they climbed into their bed, cuddling into each other immediately.

“Another successful Christmas,” Albert said, contentedly into Race’s chest.

“Yup,” Race said, “Another one for the books.”

Albert hummed, “Merry Christmas, Racer.”

“Merry Christmas, Albie.”

-

awwww cute dads and cute kids

back to angst tomorrow sorrryyy

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

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[noliereyes]

requiem | flashback 006

or; the story of how magnolia jane reyes loses everything | flashback during the 72nd Games. (tw: death, tw: grief, tw: blood)

Nolie’s job, granted to her by the rest of the pack, is keeping watch. She does so from her spot laying on the top of the Cornucopia, the lightest and smallest and most agile one of the group making it easy for her to climb up. Nolie’s sitting on top of the Cornucopia when she sees the tributes coming. “Guys-guys-guys,” she hisses, sliding from the top of the rustically-themed structure and slipping back inside of it. “There’s somebody coming. And fast.”

“There’s other people in here, sweetie,” Elliana says, absentmindedly admiring her bow.

“No, like… she’s coming-coming.” Nolie explains. She flicks the butterfly knife in and out of its sheath. “Two of them. Headed right for us.”

“Did they see you?” Miles asks, grabbing his sword.

“Not sure,” she admits. “I laid low, but they could just be coming here for the stuff. If they think there’s supplies left.”

“If they’re doing that, they can’t be that smart,” Garnet reasons.

“Outliers are fucking idiots anyways,” Gill says, twirling the trident. “Let’s ambush, yeah?”

The six Careers crouch at the edges of the tin Cornucopia, waiting for the footsteps to grow closer. It’s Elliana who steps out first, smiles brightly.

“Hi, sweetheart!” she coos, before shooting an arrow directly into the girl from Ten’s eye socket.

The boy gets away, just barely, with one of Elliana’s arrows in his thigh. As the pair from Four bicker over who should’ve gotten the kill (Garnet thinks they’re both idiots, and Carina just simply doesn’t care about killing anyone), Nolie snuggles up to Miles and squeezes his hand. And then it’s back to her post, crawling back up the Cornucopia to continue keeping watch. She spins the butterfly knife in and out as the hovercraft comes for the girl’s body. She can’t hear what’s happening in the horn below them.

“We have to kill her, Garnet!” Elliana whines.

“We can’t. We kill her, Reyes kills us.” Garnet says, as he tucks a sleeping bag around Carina.

Gill rolls his eyes. “He won’t know, he’s sleeping.”

“I’ll know, and I’ll fucking end all of you,” Miles says, eyes still closed.

                                                             ***

Charlie finds Nolie the next morning.

The pack goes hunting, and Nolie’s job remains the same, checking things out, keeping an eye on the terrain. It’s no surprise that she is the one that sees Charlie, then, and has to stop herself from squealing. He’s a small dinosaur, about two feet tall, with little clawed and webbed hands and feet and a horn on his head.

“Miles, lookit!” she says softly, crouching beside the dinosaur. He chirped a couple times, nuzzled her cheek. “He’s friendly!”

“Mutts aren’t friendly.” Elliana lines up her bow again, and Nolie steps in front of the tiny creature protectively. Miles joins her.

“Look, if it attacks, then we kill it,” Miles reasons. “But let it stay. It might be helpful.”

“He’s a he, Miles, not an it.” she pauses. “His name is Charlie!”

Miles shoots Nolie a look that says watch it, but she’s not paying attention.

The rest of the second day passes without much fanfare. They only find the injured partner of the girl from Ten, who Gill easily takes out with his machete. The Arena has to be big, Nolie knows. The fewer people they can find, the bigger the Arena, the longer the Games. The harder the work. Enobaria’s games were long this way, and Nolie knew what her mentor had to go through to get out of them. Charlie follows them back to camp and Nolie curls up against him while they sleep. It’s nice to have another friend.

                                                                           ***

It’s the third day when they go hunting again, and Nolie and Charlie take up the rear of the group together. As they’re walking, Nolie hears something and skids to a halt, and Charlie bumps into her with a little oof. “Shh,” she whispers, a hand out to touch Miles in front of her. 

It’s footsteps. And they hear it too.

“Four or so people,” Garnet whispers.

“Coming this way.” Carina confirms.

“Fast,” Nolie adds.

“Weapons out, back to back, Nolie in the middle,” Miles snaps.

“Hell no, Tiny can fight for herself.” Gill says.

The group does so, Nolie taking a defensive stance with her tiny knife despite her vulnerable state. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, she thinks to herself. The footsteps soon reveal themselves to be not mutts, but tributes: four of them, covered in scratches and with feathers stuck in their hair. “Fucking birds!” One of them snaps.

“Aww, cute!” Elliana coos again, and fires an arrow into his stomach.

Hell breaks loose.

There’s ten tributes in total, in a horrifying, bloody showdown. It’s the two from Seven and the two from Nine that they run into. It’s a shock when the boy from Seven has a knife, and plunges it into Elliana’s stomach as she gets in another arrow to his chest, both tributes slumping to the ground. The boy from Nine goes for Nolie, and gets a cut in on her side. She retaliates with a screech and a leap, stabbing him in the side of the head with her butterfly knife as her legs wrapped around his waist. In another life, in another pack, Nolie would then become an unsung hero.

But instead, Nolie turns around and watches the girl from Nine stab Miles through the stomach with a spear.

Nolie screams.

The girl from Nine looks at her dead partner, at the raging teenager, at the rest of the Careers, and sprints off into the jungle as Garnet slits the girl from Seven’s throat.

Nolie drops to her knees beside Miles, her heartbeat roaring in her ears, and somewhere that sounds far away she hears Gill’s voice shout “Go, go, go!” and footsteps running away.

“Please, no!” Nolie screams, dropping to her knees beside her brother. Everything feels like a fog, as though it’s playing in slow motion. Blood pools into Miles’ khaki uniform, and Nolie scrambles to try and find something, anything. But she has no supplies. It was all in the packs worn by Garnet and Gill. Of course they would: if they needed to lose Nolie on a hunt, they didn’t want to lose their things with her.

They had it all, and played Nolie like a fiddle.

“Nols,” Miles says, slowly, choking the words out. “You’re so brave,”

“I’m so stupid-”

“No,” Miles says firmly. “Brave.”

“No, I’m stupid, this is all my fault, and I didn’t want you to die over this, o-over… over me,” she lets out a loud sob, presses her face into his chest, leaves tear stains against his shirt.

“Listen, Nols,” he says. He coughs a couple times, blood on his lips. “You have to get home. Get somewhere safe, they’ll send you stuff, just hole up and let them hurt each other. Heal up... and stay safe. Please.”

“I will,” she promises, carefully wiping some of the blood trying to escape Miles’ lips.

“I love you, kid.” Miles reaches up weakly, tries to tousle Nolie’s hair, but he can’t get there and touches her arm instead. But she knows the sentiment.

“I love you,” she cries. He coughs again, once, twice, and then he falls still.

A cannon fires.

A scream echoes through the jungle, a heart-wrenching wail heard by anyone nearby. Some may have believed it was one of the dinosaurs letting out a roar, but it was merely a small girl, terrified and alone.

The Gamemakers queued up a meteor shower, and as if he knew (he did, but Nolie didn’t know that), Charlie began to push and nudge Nolie away from Miles’ body and through the woods. She clung to him at first, refusing to leave her brother, but Charlie’s relentless chirping and the sound of crashing rocks in the distance allowed Nolie to leave Miles’ body and find safety.

Charlie found her a small cave, one with a twisting entrance and a dark tunnel, and Nolie collapsed in it, holding her shallow wound, screaming, screaming as if the world had ended. The meteors echoed off the cave, and Nolie’s screams echo back at her from the darkness, so utterly, so painfully, alone.

[rootbeergoddess]

Yondu’s Baby

@athena83 wanted some Yondu x Reader fluff so I wrote this adorable fic in which the reader has Yondu’s baby. If you like this fan of this, you can get a commission from me and leave me a tip.

“There, did you feel it?”

Kraglin’s eyes went wide as the baby kicked. You smiled as he rubbed your stomach, feeling the small child within you. This was new to him. Ravagers didn’t have babies normally. Granted, Kraglin and Yondu weren’t normal Ravagers. He leaned forward, placing his ear close to your belly button.

“I feel it!” He said. “Holy shit, it’s really in there!”

“Yep,” You smiled. “And they’re kicking up a storm.”

“Is it gonna be a girl or a boy?” Kraglin sounded giddy.

“Doctor said a girl,” You rubbed your belly. “You’re going to be an uncle Kraglin. How do you like the sound of that?”

“An uncle? Me?”

“Hey, what’s all this?”

Yondu entered the room, plastic bags in his hand. Normally, Kraglin would be on his feet with a Ravager salute but he was still listening to the baby. Yondu wore a scowl but it vanished quickly and was replaced with a smile. He couldn't be angry.

“Boss, I felt it! I felt the baby!” Kraglin sounded like a child. “She’s moving and everything!”

“Yeah, babies do that,” Yondu said. “Help me wit the groceries boy.”

Kraglin got up and took some of the plastic bags. You had only asked for ice cream so you weren’t sure what the rest of the bags were for. Surely, one tub of ice cream didn’t fill up six shopping bags. You went to get up from your chair but Yondu ran over to you, taking your hand.

“Ye don’t need to stand up,” He said gently. “If you need something, lemme get it fer ya.”

“Yondu, we’ve been over this. I’m pregnant, not dying.”

“You’re not just pregnant. Youse pregnant with mah baby,” Yondu made you sit down. “And that means ya gotta take it easy.”

Never in a million years did you think Yondu Udonta would be such a worrywart. The man who helped kill a Celestial was worrying over you. The elderly Centaurian who had a whistle that could kill a fleet of men was protective over his little, Terran wife. A younger Yondu would have denied it, saying he didn’t show affection. Ravagers weren’t supposed to be soft and weak. Now, Yondu openly admitted that he cared. He said he was too old for the macho bullshit act.

In all honesty, Yondu hadn’t seemed like your type. The two of you had worked on a job before and you thought that would be the end of it. Ravagers weren’t fans of bounty hunters. A month after the first job, Yondu gave you a call, asking if you wanted to work together again. Credits were credits so you agreed. After that, he kept calling. A year later, you decided to just join his crew. You told yourself it was for the money. Of course, that had been a lie. Once Taserface had engaged the mutiny, you knew where your priorities were.

Now, you were pregnant with Yondu’s baby. When you told Yondu and showed him the sonogram, he almost started crying. Since then, he waited on your hand and foot. There were times where you felt like you were being needy, asking for snacks or something to entertain yourself but Yondu didn’t mind. He would have kidnapped Nova Prime for you. It was overwhelming.

“Yondu, we’re not having this conversation again,” You stood up. “Besides, my legs are cramping up. I’ve been sitting for too long.”

“But--” Yondu began.

“No buts,” You stretched. “Ah, that’s much better.”

“Cantcha sit down just a bit longer?” Yondu fretted.

“Oh my god, Kraglin tell your boss to stop treating me like a child,” You said, walking over to the groceries. “You know I just asked for ice cream.”

“Well yeah but they was having a sale on them cookies yew like. The black ones with the icing in ‘em.”

“Oreos?” You asked, reaching into the bags. “Yondu, you bought four bags of them.”

“I tolda ya, they were on sale,” Yondu shrugged. “Also got you some gummy worms.”

“You bought five bags of those.”

“They were also on sale.”

You were pretty sure Yondu was lying. You had been with him long enough to know when he was hiding the truth. Part of you enjoyed this extra attention and another part of you hated it. Was Yondu overdoing it? Yes, in a big way. You understood why he was doing it. He wanted to keep you happy and he wanted to make sure the baby was happy too. It wasn’t like you didn’t want the baby to healthy either but you didn’t want Yondu stretching himself to thin. He had a job to do as well. If he wasn’t focused, what would happen?

“Kraglin, could you give us a second?” You asked the first mate.

Kraglin nodded before leaving the room.

“Yondu, you know you don’t have to do all this right?” You said.

“I dunno watchu talkin’ about.” Yondu gruffed.

“I know you want me to be happy,” You continued, going up to him. “And I appreciate all the effort. But I don’t need so many sweets.”

There was a pause. You hated it when there was silence between you two. That meant he was thinking. Sometimes, when he thought, he got caught up in his own mind.

“I just don’t wanna fuck this up,” He finally said. “I’ve never done this before.”

“Neither have I baby,” You wrapped your arms around him. “I’m new to this too.”

“Yeah, but youse ain’t me. I didn’t have a conventional childhood. You had a normal Terran upbringing.”

“For the most part,” You turned Yondu around to face you. “But that doesn’t mean having a baby doesn’t scare me.”

“Still,” Yondu cupped your face. “I’m a fuckup. I’m a natural at it.”

“We all are honey,” You kissed his fingers. “Just know that we’re going to do this together. You’re not alone.”

“I know,” Yondu pressed his forehead to yours. “I love you babygirl.”

“I love you too.”

“AHHHHHHH!”

Yondu winced slightly as Y/N screamed and squeezed his hand. The baby was coming early. The little bugger was supposed to be due in two weeks but here they were in the hospital.

“C’mon baby, breathe,” Yondu wiped away sweat from her brow. “You can do this.”

Y/N started her breathing again, straining and sweating as she pushed. Kraglin was no help, having already passed out in a chair. It was up to Yondu and the doctors to get this baby out.

“I see a head. Keep pushing!” The doctor shouted.

“I can’t!” Y/N whimpered.

“Yes, you can baby, push!” Yondu squeezed her hand.

Y/N exhaled before grunting, pushing as hard as she could. As she did, crying was heard. The doctor pulled the baby out, holding the screaming infant carefully in his hand. Yondu was in awe. He watched as they cut the umbilical cord and cleaned off the child, he couldn’t believe it. That baby was his. After months of hanging out in Y/N’s stomach, their baby was finally here.

“Congratulations, it’s a girl!” The doctor handed the baby over to Y/N.

The baby’s cries became softer as Y/N held her. Her skin was a pale blue color yet she had her mother’s hair color. The baby continued to cry until she opened up her eyes and looked at her parents. Slowly, her cries vanished and she was quiet, silently looking at them. Yondu wanted to cry. Their baby was perfect. He couldn’t believe how tiny she was. Grinning, he reached over with his finger and caressed her face.

“Hey there ya lil’ bugger,” Yondu said. “I’m yer daddy.”

“Yondu, she’s beautiful,” Y/N sniffed. “I can’t believe it. She’s here.”

“We did it babe,” Yondu kissed Y/N’s head. “I’m proud of you.”

“You better be. That was hard work,” Y/N giggled. “But was worth it.”

“Totally worth it.”

“Okay, the camera’s on!” Y/N said. “Alright, look the camera guys.”

Baby Azure sat on her father’s lap, happily sucking on her hand. Kraglin was crouched down on the floor, hiding his face. Azure smiled as Kraglin uncovered his face and she laughed. Kraglin grinned as he hid again.

“Where’s Krags? Here he is!” Kraglin declared.

Azure gurgled, clapping her hands. Yondu, of course, was smiling like mad. Being a father was both exciting and terrifying. The ship had already been baby proofed but Yondu doubled checked everything daily. He would die before he let anything happen to his darling baby girl. While Azure was still mostly eating mushy foods, Yondu double pureed her baby food just to be safe. His sleeping schedule was somewhat erratic due to the fact he woke up and ran down the hall just to check on his daughter.

Azure was a doll. She cried but only when she was hungry or in need of changing. She was content to just sit on your lap and cuddle. She was slightly messy when it came to eating but Yondu joked is was her Ravager instinct kicking in. Azure was also very loving and one of her favorite people was Kraglin. Lucky for her, the feeling was mutual. Kraglin took his role as the uncle very seriously. If Y/N or Yondu were too busy, Kraglin took over. He’d feed her, change her diapers, play with her, do everything he needed to keep her happy.

Azure reached towards Kraglin. Kraglin took her and laid down on his back, holding the baby up in the air. Happily, Azure cooed and giggled.

“Lookit, she’s flying! Ain’t that something?” Kraglin smiled up at Azure.

“So as you can see, Azure is growing up fast,” Y/N said. “She enjoys playing with her daddy and Uncle Krags. She’s gotten bigger, she’s learning how to crawl and she’s just being a good girl. Azure, can you say hi to Peter?”

Azure looked towards the camera. Kraglin sat up and held her up.

“Hiya Pete!” Kraglin spoke in a funny voice. “I miss ya! Come back and visit me!”

“You heard her, come back soon Peter, she misses you!” Y/N said before turning off the camera. “And that’s a wrap. Whose ready for lunch?”

“I am! I’m ready for some cute baby!” Kraglin started kissing Azure’s face. “Nom nom nom!”

Azure squealed in delight, gurgling as Kraglin showered her with kisses. Yondu’s smile continued to grow as he watched them. So this was what he it was like to have a baby. There was a hard work and sleepless nights but Yondu realized he enjoyed being a father. He enjoyed having a family in general. Was it sentiment? Probably. He was too old to care about showing feelings. It was exhausting to keep up a facade.

“Penny for your thoughts captain?” Y/N sat down on his lap.

“Just thinkin’ about how goddamn happy I am,” Yondu wrapped his arms around Y/N’s waist. “I gots a lovely lady, a nice family. My life is fuckin’ perfect.”

Y/N smiled and watched as Kraglin continued to shower Azure with kisses. The baby’s smile was huge and she giggled with glee.

“Yeah, this is the life isn’t it?” Y/N said, leaning back.

“It sure is,” Yondu kissed his lover’s cheek. “I love you.”

“Really? You love little old me?” Y/N turned around to face him. “Well guess what? I love you too!”

“Hey, what about us?” Kraglin asked.

“Gah!” Azure exclaimed.

“Yes, I love you too Kraglin and my little bundle of joy,” Y/N giggled.

“You better love us. Epsically Azure. Since ya’ll made her.”

“C’mon Kraglin, you can be our son!” Yondu pushed Y/N off his lap. “C’mere boy!”

“Y/N, help. He’s being weird again.” Kraglin held Azure up in defense.

Azure reached out to her father. Yondu chuckled and took her. He gave his daughter a kiss on the cheek and she smiled.

“How about I make us all some lunch?” Y/N got up. “We can have a nice little family lunch.”

“I like the sound of that.” Yondu said.

He wrapped his arm around his lover, gave her a kiss and let her lead the way to the kitchen.

[killian-whump]

OUAT 2x20: Rewatch Blog

Hey, everybody! I’m back with another liveblog of me rewatching Once Upon a Time! I can tell you’re all really excited to get into this episode, which is entitled “The Evil Queen” - Ooooh, exciting!

Wait, what’s that? You’re wondering where the liveblogs for 2x16 through 2x19 are? Look buddy, I don’t come into your house and ask where your liveblogs are. I just... I don’t know, man. I can’t read suddenly.

There is one for 2x19, actually... but I don’t recommend reading it.

Anyway! Let’s get on with the show...!

“Actually, I prefer it with the lights on.” Classic line. Classic, classic.

Also, I love the way you can see flashes of his actual discomfort and frustration throughout this scene, even though he’s trying to play it cool and be all sassy - particularly when the bag’s yanked off of his head. Mmmm... Love that look.

Ah, love this whole scene. Gooooood scene.

Oh, a Regina flashback. Lovely. Nice outfit, dear.

“Kill them all.” Ooooh, that’s pretty dark. Still a great outfit, though.

“Are we really going to leave Regina behind?” I mean, it’s not like that’s a bad idea, Snow. It’s not like she’s your bestie or something and you guys had a little tiff here. At this point, there’s really no reason for you to be worrying about her feelings if you leave her behi-

“Henry won’t like it.” OH, WAIT A TICK. That’s right. You’re just going to jump to another realm with the woman’s child and not tell her. At least they seem conflicted about how to handle the situation in this scene. I mean, yeah, it’s a bad situation and it’s hard to know what they should do. At least the writers are having them acknowledge that in this scene.

“I don’t think so.” I can never unsee the evil panda blooper... AND I WOULDN’T WANT TO <3

That necklace looks like it’s made out of safety pins, though.

I love it when Regina and Rumple banter, though. They’re such fun to watch - two sociopaths bickering over trade agreements and other nonsense. Always a good time :D

Okay, Regina... You had me all the way up to “They die.” XD Like, did she reeeeally think that would work?! This is all just... uncharacteristically stupid right here. I mean, Henry’s not going to go for this. Why would she think he would?

“What I truly am - a hero.” “Not if you kill everyone.” DUUUUUUUH.

“How could I ever love anyone who would do such horrible things?” The writing in this episode is really kinda... weird? Like, if that was honestly where they wanted to put Henry’s character, that would negate, like, 99% of the rest of the series. Sometimes they just make characters say totally naff things.

“Why would you even tell me this?” MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION.

“Because I don’t have anyone else to talk to.” UNEXPECTED SADNESS.

This scene’s like a car crash. It shouldn’t have ever happened and is just plain unpleasant for everyone involved. I’m gonna erase it from my own memory.

Seriously, this writing is just... Regina’s smarter than this entire scene. The initial innocence over how hated she is was cute, sure, but she’s smarter than to forget she’s in disguise and let herself come off as a crazy woman.

“And this is where I grow my pot...”

“Captain...” Why does she look/sound pleased? My HQ heart rejoices :D

“...Once you realized your murder didn’t take.” Only on this show, haha. On any other show, that line would be hilarious.

She actually looks concerned about him having been abducted :D Shut up, I know I’m imagining things. JUST SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME BE.

“I took up with your mother for a reason.” And that’s because I am a lonely sub and I need the guidance of a dominating woman to reach my full potential. “Perhaps the three of us could re-establish an alliance.” Imagine how I would thrive under the care of TWO Dommes!

Shut up, that’s totally how the scene went.

Aww... Poor bunny’s sad that Cora died :( I mean, I know he’s faking just about everything in this scene, but he does look genuinely saddened by the news, and I like to think he was.

I really wish Hook had been sincere in this scene. They both need friends, and here they are and it seems like the start of something nice, and... It disappointed me on first watch, and on each and every subsequent one, when it ends up that he was playing her :(

I mean, you’d think he’d go for her plan, seeing as it will result in the end of Rumplestiltskin... and he has more history and more reason to side with her than with Tamara/Greg.

Well, maybe he would’ve changed his mind and sided with her, if... you know.

Shouldn’t Emma’s superpower have told her straight out that Tamara was lying to her when she said she could trust her?

Oh, okay good. It did. And she’s telling Mary Margaret about it.

Who... doesn’t believe her. Great. Wonderful. THIS IS HOW SHIT HAPPENS, PEOPLE. This is how bad people get away with doing that shit.

Oh, alright, that’s a plausible reason for keeping a lid on things. I GUESS.

BAHAHAHAHAHA HENRY. “I heard everything.” THANK GOD, KID.

He’s still limping. How precious <3

BADASS SNOW WHITE TO THE RESCUUUUUUE!

Alright, I forgive you for being a stick in the mud when your kid tries to tell you her concerns about the newcomer in town who is obviously up to no good.

Hahahaha, he’s so put out by the fucking elevator.

Oh, he played her so well, getting her to put that cuff on herself.

But really, babe, maybe you shouldn’t stand so close to the edge of that cliff there, especially with the Evil Queen standing right there with you. You know you can’t really trust her, right? I mean-

LOOK AT HIM FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Ooooh, that was some thud. That had to hurt.

AHHHHHHHH I LOVE THE GENUINE FEAR ON HIS FAAAAAAACE.

How does he know she’s Maleficent, though? I mean, she looks nothing like Maleficent did in the Enchanted Forest, even if he had met her back there... And why would he know anything about her being in the basement of the library?

Still a great one-liner, though.

She’s kinda super creepy, isn’t she? And that screaming. Yikes.

WOW, THAT WAS SOME BLOW. LOOKIT HIM FLY.

He looks like he’s in a lot of pain... Poor bunny. :D

Ahhh... That’s a sad scene between Snow and Regina Wilma T_T

“I need a why? You never need a why!” HAHAHAHA You tell him.

Umm. How do praying mantises “hide in plain sight” tho?

Oh, gosh, I love Emma teaching Henry sneaky sneakster moves.

Hahahahahaha. “Oh, hell no, I taught her that!” XD

More feels between Snow and Regina Wilma...

“Startling, aren’t I?” Yes, you are, baby. “Some people say... striking.”

“You couldn’t have survived that.” And yet... XD

“And honestly, I almost put a stop to my plan.” I like to think he would’ve. I like to think he was actually opening up to her when he was talking about revenge, and that he might’ve - might’ve - sided with her instead of them, had she not, you know, thrown him off a cliff to his almost-certain demise XD

I’d still REALLY like to know how Greg and Tamara saved him from Maleficent, tho. I mean, sure, they have a way against magic, but it seems to consist entirely of their little cuff thing - and I’m pretty sure Maleficent wasn’t in the mood for new accessories. Also, we find out later that they only have the one cuff, so...

“I said you could call - didn’t say I’d answer!” Never change, Rumple XD

Why does the actress in the mirror shots keep looking... happy? XD Regina is not happy at this moment. Whoever or whatever she looks like, she ought to at least look grumpy.

Ugh. I still don’t like Greg and Tamara. They’re just... annoying to me.

“Bag her.” Hahaha, Greg, you fucking tool. Who says that?

Oh, that’s the end!

PEW PEW PEW PEW PEEEEEEEEEW

[visforvengeance]

Reggie x SP x OC: Fingers Crossed -Smut sorta-

Requested by: @rocsahlt

Summary: Hey I was wondering if you could do a one shot or a series where the reader was from the south side or is family with someone from the south side (like Toni’s cousin or something) and both reggie and sweat pea like her and she’s the only person who doesn’t judge the south side but is from the north side (so she goes to school with the gang and is friends with b and v and everyone) and you could add smut too

Notes: this is like my first actual story since my long assssssss break. It’s gonna be a poly relationship between the reader, Reggie, and SP. Now it’s up to you which Reggie you guys want. I’m doing this based off of S2 Reggie, cuz daddy. You already know what the fuck is gonna happen. A fucking striptease and female masturbation at the end. I’m gonna use my OC's name, Nova. Sooooo ye, and as much as I don’t like Betty. I had to be nice for this damn story. This is very shitty. I hope this is somewhat decent for you, love.

Song: Lovely by Brent Faiyaz

Nova’s Pov

I wouldn’t say being Toni’s cousin was easy, but it wasn’t hard either. Being that we live on opposite sides was definitely a problem. Now I don’t judge anyone from the Southside, considering ya girl was born there, but I do hate it when Toni fucks around because I live on the Northside.Oh my god and don’t get me started on what’s his face. Ehm Sweet Pea, was it? Yeah, that snarky fucker. The fucking nerve he’s got calling me ‘Northside Princess’. I’ll show him a princess. But in all honesty, the kid is kind of cute. Fuck that he’s daddy material. Homeboy could like get it. Oh boy, that leather jacket suits him. You guys think he’d go for a Northside girl? Nah probably not, since he like hates us so much. But can you blame him? We blame everything bad that’s ever happened in Riverdale on them. Not to make anything better, fucking Archie just had to go start shit and lookit where we are now. Thanks, Archiekins. 

Sweet Pea’s Pov

Those fucking Northsiders could like really get their heads out of their asses. Those weak ass murders that are happening there isn’t our fault. We literally have no type of business over there whatsoever. Well except me. My business is about 5′3, brown colored shoulder length hair, brown eyes, and a really wicked smile. Oh, and her name is Nova. She’s like Toni’s twin but cuter. She’s the only Northsider I’ve learned to tolerate, besides Jughead. She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Her laugh is like a melody and her lame jokes are fucking hilarious. Never thought I’d be saying this, but I think I’ve fallen in love with a Northside Girl.

Nova’s Pov

Another dreadful day at the wonderful Riverdale High. I hate all of these bitches, except my friends, of course. I almost tackled Veronica and Betty. “Oh my god, guys. I missed you so much.” “Whoa there, babe. How was your weekend in the armpit of Riverdale?” Veronica asked. I sent her a death glare. Not a playful one either. “Ronnie, don’t. And it was great, thank you very much. I’d rather be there than here any day.” She rolled her eyes and was about to say something, but Betty cut her off. “Did you see Juggie?” I sighed. Even tho Betty and Jughead broke up, she still asks about him. And I feel so bad for her. “Yeah, Betts I did. He’s okay as of now. He still asks about you everytime he sees me.” She smiled a little. “It’s gonna be okay. B. I promise.” I said as I gave her a hug. She sighed. “I know. I just wish that this didn’t have to happen. This stupid killer almost ruined my relationship with you guys. My best friends in the whole world. And he completely shattered my relationship with Jughead. The absolute love of my life. Not to mention he’s a serpent now.” I didn’t want to hear the shit she had to say so I cut her off. “Whoops, time to go to class. Bye babies, see you at lunch!” I screamed down the hall running to my class. Only to bump into Reggie Mantle.

Reggie’s Pov

“Whoa there, didn’t know you were so happy to see me.” I said as I looked down at the shorter girl. “Oh fuck. Reggie, why is your chest so hard? I have a whole headache now.” I laughed. She was so cute. “Uh, I work out. Duh. And are you okay? You want some ice?” She chuckled. “I mean compared to that one time a stack of books fell on my head, this is nothing. I’ll be fine, but thank you for offering. That was really sweet of you.” I nodded and grabbed her hand while walking to class. “Whoaaa, what’re you doing?” “We’re going to the same class right? So why not? I mean I can let go of your hand if you want.” “NO. What, no. You’re fine. It’s okay.” She let out a nervous laugh. “Good, because I honestly didn’t want to let your hand go.” 

Nova’s Pov 

“Good, because I honestly didn’t want to let your hand go.” Oh, Reggie, you can hold whatever you want. “You can hold my hand as long as you want. Except for when we get to our seat, because then that would be awkward. Us sitting across from each other with our hands just dangling away? That’s weird.” We both laughed. Reggie wasn’t as much of an asshole like I thought he’d be. He was really cute. I may or may not like him too. I’m in a really fucked up position here. There’s Sweet Pea, Southside Serpent, tall and kind of an asshole, funny, never met anyone more sarcastic than Jughead besides myself and Toni, looks like he’d fuck you crazy but will get you food afterwards. And then there’s Reggie, football player, tall hehe, dimples, big hands, funny, sweet, caring, looks like he’s into some kinky ass shit, also looks like he’d fuck you crazy but will cuddle afterwards. I can’t just choose between the two, that’s hard. Maybe if I persuade them well enough, they’d be open to a polyamorous relationship.

After school, I asked both boys to meet me at Pop’s. Sweet Pea knows about Pop’s because I’d taken him here multiple times. None of them know that the other is coming, but I bet they’d fuck each other up if I didn’t stop them. I heard the bell ring and their bickering as they entered. I got up and walked towards them. “Boys. Stop it. There’s something I need to talk to you about.” They automatically stopped whatever it was they were arguing about. Then they bombarded me with questions like ‘are you okay? did he do something to you?’ I just grabbed their hands and led them to the booth I was at and motioned for them to sit. “I wanted to tell you guys that I really like the both of you. I honestly cannot choose between the two of you. I like one of you just as much as I like the other. I know that you guys have had your differences in the past. I’m asking you guys if somehow there’s a way you could solve whatever issue it is that you have for the sake of me. Reggie, you only hate Sweet Pea because of whatever it was that Archie put inside your head. You don’t really hate him, do you?” He shook his head no. “I know that you guys don’t know each other as well as I do. So if you agree to eventually have a relationship between the three of us, you’d need to get to know each other. But would you guys maybe wanna be my boyfriends?” “Like at the same time?” Reggie asked. I nodded. hesitantly. “No way. It's either him or me. You can’t have us both at the same time.” Sweet Pea mumbled. “Like I said earlier, losers. I can’t choose just one of you. So, with that being said. I’ll choose neither of you.” And I walked away.

Reggie’s Pov

“Dude, I think she’s hurt.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Look I know that was probably about the craziest thing you’ve ever heard. But maybe we could work this out? For her at least.” He just shrugged. I sighed. “I know what happened was wrong. And you were just trying to defend your town. Archie was wrong to just up and decide it was the Serpent’s fault. Whoever is targeting Riverdale knows way too much about anyone born here. You’ve got no reason being here. And we had no reason to literally vandalize your buildings. So, I'm sorry.” He thought about it for a second and sighed. “Let’s go get this relationship shit started.” And I smiled

Nova’s Pov

I really tried. Oh my god, it's going to be so fucking awkward tomorrow. Maybe that was a stupid thing to do. There was a knock at my door. No one was home so I was forced to get it. Once I opened it, I was totally surprised. “Uh, guys what are you doing here?” “We came to tell you that we’re sorry and we’re willing to try this whole poly relationship thing out.” I’ve never been so hype. I pulled them in and just kinda explain how it worked. “So you’d be dating both of us and we’d all be dating each other?” Sweet Pea asked. I laughed at his confusion. “Exactly. Are you down?” He thought about it for a minute and nodded. I literally leaped into their laps. “Good! Because if you guys would’ve said no then you wouldn’t be able to fuck me, now would you?” Boy, were they speechless. “Come on boys. Don’t flake out on me now. Or would you rather watch?” I mumbled as I stood up. They were staring so intently as I took off my shirt revealing my breast. 

I almost fell in love with you

After the club last night

They don't know what you do (Oh)

Money's gon' treat you right

I ran my hands over my breasts, as I proceeded to trail my hands to the hem of my pants. Unbuttoning them as slowly as I could. I could hear their breathing getting harder. Sliding down my bottoms and kicking them to the side, I smirked at their faces. Mouths wide open and eyes practically bulging out of their sockets.

Girl don't act like you changed

When we both know you can't

And I know you love me

'Cause I think you're lovely

I started swaying my hips to the beat. Running my hands down my thighs and through my hair. Twisting and twirling to the song. I turned around and gave them a full view of what I got.

Girl check my coat (baby won't you check my coat)

Drop that ass on the floor (drop that ass on the floor)

See you move on that pole (way you move on that pole)

Baby look at you go (baby look at you go)

I shimmied my way into the chair across from the boys. Giving them a good view of my pussy. I spread my legs wide enough so I could slide my hand between them. My fingers made its way to the slippery slit and squeezed in between them. I rubbed the little bundle of nerves and moaned at how good it felt. When I looked at the boy in front of me, they had their hand in their pants pumping up and down. That only made me wetter. I slipped in two finger fingers and began plunging in and out, getting faster by the second. My moans began getting louder and louder. I could hear the boys' moans as the kept pleasuring themselves. The feeling of intensity kept growing inside of me. My breathing getting faster and heavier, as I got closer to my orgasm. It felt like a truck had hit me. “Oh my fucking god.” I breathed out. “I know.” Reggie and Sweet Pea mumbled. I slipped on the t-shirt I had on and flopped in between my boyfriends. “Next time you boys will be doing the work.” I said as I sprawled out on them. “It would be our pleasure.”

[forestwater87]

JERMY FARTZ (S2E4) MASTERPOST: NO BREAKING INTO PARTS, WE SCROLL LIKE MEN

I laugh at that name every time, and I’m not even sorry.

So I haven’t touched the 2 latest episodes because I’m lazy, but this was so much fun that I had to devote some time screaming to it! So get ready kids, because there is screaming (and spoilers) below the cut.

Though first: someone who’s never seen Camp Camp tell me what’s going on in this picture:

This episode has my favorite people. As in, Gwen and David. Yeah, there’s gonna be a lot of them in this post, and I’m not even sorry.

But first! Have some squished Nikki:

I love her.

FACE DOWN BOOTY UP

THAT’S THE WAY WE LIKE TO —

. . . Moving on.

Can we take a moment to appreciate Max’s sassy little wrist flip?

Also can someone explain to me how Camp Campbell won anything athletic against the Woodscouts? That seems to defy logic.

There are so many good things going on in this picture, but the most exciting is that GWEN IS SMILING! ACTUALLY SMILING FOR REAL!

Don’t believe me? Look at this saucy little zoom in:

LOOK HOW HAPPY SHE IS! Also, if we can indulge me for a moment (and I’d like to see you stop me): She’s not smiling because of the game. She’s not smiling because the kids are happy.

That smile is 100% aimed at David.

Girl’s in love, is all I’m saying.

Nikki, what the fuck are you doing?

A lot of this is going to literally just be a dumping ground for pictures I think are cute, because I still don’t really understand what a “masterpost” is. So in that vein, Max is cute. Space Kid, in the background: also cute.

Man, they kinda look like they’re reenacting a super low-budget version of West Side Story, huh? 

But I feel like it needs more ~camp.~

THERE WE GO! Thanks, David. Always there to sparkle things up when I need you.

One of the reasons I can’t stand Pikeman — besides the, y’know, all of him — is how he makes David sad. Look at David’s sad sad face and tell me you don’t wanna punch this twerp just a little bit.

Then again, he also makes Max make this face, and this is a great face.

Allow me to deposit in front of your eyeballs some Davids:

There we go! Aren’t we all feeling a little bit better now?

I HEARD MY BOYFRIEND COWORKER WAS BEING AN IDIOT AND CAME AS FAST AS I COULD!

Honestly, “Gwen desperately trying to stop David from doing something really stupid” is one of my favorite dynamics. They continue to be everything I need in life. Looking at this picture caused 75 new Forestwater Gwenvid stories to appear in the AO3 feed. (Ha, no. Wouldn’t that be awful?)

She so badly wants to save him (and her, let’s be real) from himself and I love it.

And that’s the moment you realize David is an incurable idiot. (Who totally gambles because Mr. Campbell does it and he wants to be like dad.)

I don’t even have anything to say, I just love this picture to pieces. Every expression is gold.

Here are some cute Davids:

And OH MY GOD LOOK AT MAX’S FACE:

LOOKIT HIM

HE LOOKS LIKE FUCKING GRUMPY CAT I’M WHEEZING

I’m not sure what’s the best thing about this: Gwen’s face, how proud David is, or the fact that literally everyone is just d o n e with his bullshit.

(Just kidding. The answer is always Gwen.)

I have a moral conflict regarding her, because on the one hand I want nothing more than for her to be happy, but on the other . . .

look

how great

her angry faces are.

Also take a moment and appreciate David. I think something valuable gets broken in his brain this episode, because he makes this face for a solid 45% of it.

Though I mean . . . I’m not complaining. It’s a damn cute face, and he looks like a sad kitten.

(Do I relate all things I find adorable to kittens? Mayhap.)

1) Gwen is precious. I feel like this is a given at this point but will continue to point it out because I have a need to.

2) What is up with David’s center of gravity? Am I the only person who wouldn’t be able to balance like that?

Let me show you: an emotional breakdown in 4 pictures:

This is not a well woman, guys. She’s not holding on to her chill even a little bit.

(Also the way David looks down at his chest after she pokes him in it, like he’s saying “me?” I love him so much, guys. He is kitten.)

Davey trying to win the family over with sweet dance moves and a charming smile.

It doesn’t work.

Though Lordy, I literally made a goose-like honk at Gwen’s face.

(It’s at this point, at 11 p.m. on a work night, that I decided not to break this up into separate parts like I did for the first episode. This might be a terrible idea.)

(Editing this at almost 1 a.m. on a work night: It was a terrible idea.)

These 3 pictures are less than 2 seconds apart. I fucking love the animation on this show.

(And hey, it’s my icon! Hi icon!)

Why is beat-up David so attractive? Is it me? Am I just a monster?

Not a single face here isn’t great. These beautiful babes.

So the general plot of this episode (not that you come here for plot synopses. You come here for pictures and lots of screaming) is that everyone at camp has to be nice for 24 hours or they have to surrender their best camper to the Woodscouts.

It . . .

. . . doesn’t come naturally to them.

Wait, no. This is the picture I want described by someone who’s never seen Camp Camp before.

I cropped out what they’re reacting to in this shot.

That’s because I love you.

(Starting to regret this whole “not breaking into parts thing.” Will I be weak enough to cave? Who knows?)

(Editing note: Nope! I wasn’t! Oops!)

Is it me, or is Max more expressive this season? Maybe I just wasn’t paying attention previously, but it seems like his faces are way more entertaining in these most recent episodes.

In an epic battle of who can be the most charming while leaning, Nikki goes for a classic jazz hands approach that’s sure to impress the judges, Neil opts for a safe routine with minimal leaning but excessive raptor arms (points for originality), and Space Kid brings home the gold because he looks like an old-timey farmer holding up invisible suspenders/overalls, and that’s not easy to accomplish while wearing a space suit made out of cardboard and underwear.

Observe: 3 Very Angry Beans. You can tell they’re Very Angry Beans because of their Very Angry Mouths. Approach with caution.

I would die for David. Just wanted to throw that out there.

I wish I didn’t find Max’s suffering so adorable. (Editing note: I also wish I used a thesaurus. Oh well. Hope you like variations on the word “adorable!”)

Then again, I wish I was asleep and also I’d like some carrot cake, so it’s just an evening/early morning of disappointments.

Why golly, is it time for more Gwen faces?! I believe it is!

AWOOOOOOO

WEREWOLVES OF CAMP CAMP

shut up I think I’m funny

David’s making The Face. The Face that makes me think something’s broken inside him, because he makes it throughout this entire scene with very few exceptions.

But again, it’s a great face.

(Also look at Nikki and Gwen sizing each other up. Isn’t it cute?)

I think my favorite thing about this episode is, like in S2 Ep. 3 — which I’ll get to eventually! — we see Gwen genuinely does care. This is more than just a paycheck for her; she wants the kids to be happy and respect each other, she wants them to learn and even have fun (provided that fun isn’t ruining her life). She’s worried about Jermy, and she trusts and respects the campers to understand what she thought they were doing that was uncool and why.

She’s actually good at her job, and at any other camp she might even enjoy it to some extent. She’s just been very beaten down by the Campbell kids to the point of apathy and, ahem, “crippling anxiety and regret.”

Basically Gwen’s what happens when Max succeeds at what he was trying to do to David all season 1.

Pfft. Cute. I love Jermy just for the suffering he inflicts on the mains. (Also he’s surprisingly aware of what a disaster he is, without being depressed about it. I can respect that.)

David’s making that face again.

Why does he keep making that face?

David’s brain might have gone all Blue Screen of Death, but Gwen’s actually sets on fire:

I feel like maybe I should take back what I said about her being good at her job. She’s still not great with kids, okay? 

But she cares. That’s the important part.

I don’t know if Petrol will get the credit he deserves for this episode, but he’s just pure comedic gold. Every time he shows up it’s fucking funny.

The Most Important Things in Forestwater’s Life Right Now: A Triptych

David’s face

David’s moonwalking

Gwen’s face

(Also: Petrol. Continuing to make me giggle way too loud and disturb my neighbors.)

If you’ll forgive me a little shipping (and if you’ve scrolled this far, I think it’s pretty clear you’ll forgive basically anything): Look at her soul-crushing despair. That is a face you give someone when you’re close enough to communicate to them without a word.

Okay, I mean what she’s communicating is “kill me,” but I still think it counts. You don’t give that kinda eye contact to a casual acquaintance, is all I’m saying.

I feel like I haven’t properly communicated how much I love every expression this woman makes.

Is that clear yet?

Look how proud David is that his babies are participating!

This is entirely for @hopefullypessimistic84, who could always use a cute Nerris in her life.

MAX

MY BOY

My favorite part about the next few pictures is how you can clearly see every thought in Gwen’s head as she’s thinking it.

“All right, you’ll be fine. Just think positive! Be David!”

“Okay no, don’t be David. Never be David. But remember how much you like not living with your parents! Do it for the rent money!”

“Yeah, look at you, girl. You got this!”

“Please don’t let David or Max fuck this up.”

“Oh, Christ.”

“Oh, CHRIST.”

“Literally no one else is gonna take care of this shit. This is your job. You HAVE to.”

“Still better than living with your parents. Technically.”

Petrol continues to be very very good.

Max pulling out his hair in frustration at having to be nice is a beautiful thing and I want more of it.

He is an angry elf.

NURF! BABY! Why are you sad? You did such a good art! You should be so happy!

Please don’t cry, Nurf. I love you.

This shot is also for HopefullyPessimistic, and I hope she appreciates it because it was really hard to get. Nerris was onscreen for like 2 seconds and the cup was in her face for most of it.

Petrol.

Is.

Hilarious.

He somehow became one of my favorite characters? How the fuck did that happen?

This show is sometimes just so pretty, guys.

Pfft.

Some brief Preston appreciation, because I don’t pay him enough attention. With an appearance by Petrol.

1) David is pure and beautiful.

2) Gwen is fucking done. With everything, but especially David.

3) QM is . . . what’s he doing to his hand? Because it really looks like he’s ripping off his fingernail. That’s . . . I mean, I don’t wanna tell you how to live your life, especially since I’m pretty sure you’re older than most municipalities so clearly you’re doing something right, but I feel like that’s not a great idea, my man.

I didn’t know that Max slowly losing his mind was my aesthetic, but apparently it is because these pictures make me laugh my ass off every time I see them.

Nurf has Sassy Eyebrows. 

(Editing note: My thoughts started deteriorating around midnight. You might be able to tell by the quality of my commentary.)

I’m sorry. I know Dolph is a super controversial character and all . . . but goddamn it, he’s cute as fuck. I can’t help but like him.

*Daniel neck crick*

Max is such a force to be reckoned with that a dog pile must be created to contain his rage. 

Also I’m not sure where Ered or Harrison’s heads are in that nightmare, but it can’t be comfortable. That’s some serious dedication to the cause, kids. Nikki’s clearly having the time of her life. And Space Kid . . . uh, good effort, I guess?

These are pictures of a fully-grown man mocking a child who has been put under his care. Does that make them any less adorable?

No. Such is David’s terrifying power.

Tremble before his cuteness, bitches.

“I’m an asshole!”

But he’s a daggum lovable asshole, isn’t he?

Max’s relief at finally being able to call David a moron and tell him to suck a dick . . . I don’t wanna say he looks like a happy kitty.

Just know I’m thinking it very very loudly.

What a sweet child.

Final Petrol appreciation: he still has the whistle in his mouth. He is a good and loyal boy.

It’s The Face.

Again.

(Gwen is lovely. As usual.)

Look at this smug motherfucker. He even makes this little “hmm” noise which is so cute, like everything worked out the way he’d planned it. Anyone who says David isn’t a dick isn’t watching the show closely enough. He’s a selfish douchebag a lot of the time and it’s one of the best things about him.

Yes, Gwen. That is the appropriate reaction. (Also she backhanded him. That was no open-palm affair; that’s knuckles in his cheekbone. Gwen’s cold.)

Oh, and sorry about the volume slider. If it wasn’t 12:30 in the morning I’d totally fix that.

David makes a sad little “eunghh” sound when she hits him. It is also too precious for words.

Look at his hair floof! Look how it floofs!

(there is a nervous giggle here. I melted)

I once saw a man so beautiful I started crying?

Something these pictures will never be able to accurately communicate:

1) The way there’s this lovely light 1980s-sitcom Very Special Episode music playing in the background, like David’s going to impart a moral. (Spoiler: he doesn’t)

2) The way Miles’ voice kept cracking like a fa — a bunch of pine birch sticks this whole episode. You might be surprised to find that I think it’s adorable. I’m not sure how you possibly could be surprised by that, but you might be.

“Maybe I AM an asshole.”

“Just . . . sometimes, okay?! Sometimes!”

The best moral and possibly my new favorite line to randomly quote.

LOOK AT THE BLUSHY BOY

LOOK HOW HANDSOME HE IS

HOW PURE

HOW FLUSTERED

WATCH HIM STORM OFF WITH THAT LITTLE ANGRY POUT

HE’S PROBABLY OFF TO ANGRY-CRY AND WRITE IN HIS DIARY

MAYBE CALL HIS MOM AND ASK IF SHE’S DISAPPOINTED IN HIM

HE IS THE SWEETEST

Even if I didn’t love every minute of the episode leading up to this (and I do), these last 5 seconds would absolutely skyrocket it to one of my favorites of the entire show. Just look how fucking cute this is. Look at it!

David is bad at being a person and we love him for it.

And here ends the longest, stupidest thing I’ve ever written. I’m genuinely curious to see if anyone made it all the way through. If you did . . . you deserve a cookie or something. Definitely mention in the tags or send me an ask saying you did, because I wanna know who’s almost as nerdy and lame as I am!

[pannacottawarrior]

Hey just wondering but why do you like Whirl so much?

aight lemme just say once again; my answer’s gon’ be in the form of screaming and crying and pictures okay? :V and sorry it took me some time to answer this but i had to go back through issues and pages to find the appropriate pics and stuff - heads up - it’s p fucking long

aIGHT LET’S BEGIN

so we begin MTMTE meeting all the characters who’ll board the Lost Light and shit and Whirl is introduced and tbh he starts out creepy af o-o talking to corpses and shit and while it appears to have been therapeutic for him it’s quite?? creepy???

Cyclonus finds him by accident and he attacks him. Whirl starts out as a complete asshole at the beginning and honestly i didn’t like him too much at the start :/ the guy literally let another dude die because he didn’t want to open his door and let the guy into safety;;;;

but over the issues and shit he just?? kinda changes??? i mean he’s still an asshole, don’t get me wrong, but as you read on he starts showing that he cares about others - maybe not initially and it takes him time to show it and all but he does??

in this issue, he’s taunting Maximus into killing him and shit after he and Rung get held hostage, but when he starts threatening to shoot Rung if he doesn’t answer his questions, he stops taunting for a bit and tells him. Rung asks him why he never told him this since he is his psychiatrist and he just responds with ‘you never threatened to kill a friend of mine!’

it’s a slow development ik :V but development nonetheless~ like he starts off 'apologizing’ to Cyclonus by putting the blame all on him but in later issues he tries to make amends. he doesn’t own up to what he did at the start but he still shows he genuinely wants to start anew. even at his second attempt when he almost killed Cyclonus and Rewind because Cyclonus threatened him, he saves Rewind by bringing him back and also uses his spark (being compatible) to prevent Rewind from dying ;; he even gives Cyclonus the idea on how to save Tailgate’s life, TWICE. granted the second time he was in on the plan - not directly responsible but still in on it - he showed that he had a conscience and that he was actually struggling with his choices and felt bad.

and he tries so hard to get to Cyclonus to warn him what would happen even when he’s on the brink of passing out and losing part of his memories. this dude’s an asshole and seems to only care about himself and himself alone but he cared enough to go through THAT much trouble to save a minibot he barely even talks to?? not only that but he literally tells us that he actually does feel responsible for the bad shit he’s done of the years and for prompting Megatron start the war in the first place.

then he and Cyclonus form a weird sort of relationship over the issues and they bond as they fight together and tbh it’s kinda fucking badass >:3c it’s also cute at times too like when he’s interested in Cyclonus’ love life and asking if he and Tailgate are dating. bUT SERIOUSLY THESE TWO ARE FUCKING AWESOME TOGETHER I LOVE 'EM;;; EVEN WHIRL AGREES!!!

not only that?? but Whirl is actually kinda fucking hilarious XDD seriously this dude is just fucking funny;;; lookit him - he’s such a snarky smartass i l o ve him, there are more examples than the ones here and on that post i mentioned but yee :V this post is already p long let’s just move on

OH. OH. AND GUYS… THE F UCK I NG HOLIDA Y SPECI AL ISSUE. OH MY GO D;;; IT’S SHORT AND KINDA IRRELEVANT TO THE PLOT OF MTMTE BUT??? IT’S FUCKING??? SWEET????? LIKE;;;; WHIRL’S JUST TAKING CARE OF THIS BABY PROTOFORM WITH NAUTICA AND SWERVE AND HE’S FUCKING HILARIOUS IN THE COMIC TOO - LOOKIT HIM IN THIS PANEL

 - BUT HE’S ALSO?? P PROTECTIVE AND SWEET??? LIKE BARELY EVEN KNOWS HER FOR A FEW HOURS AND HE ALREADY KNOWS HOW TO CALM HER DOWN AND COMFORT HER,

WANTS TO MAKE SURE SHE GETS PROPERLY TAKEN CARE OF BY SOMEONE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND YET FEELS RESPONSIBLE OVER SPARKY’S WELLBEING (IT’S LITERALLY THE FIRST THING HE ASKS NAUTICA AND VELOCITY ABOUT AFTER HE’S DONE PATCHING UP THE DOOR/WAKING UP FROM PASSING OUT), AND EVEN THOUGH HE INITIALLY WANTED TO THROW HER OUT OF THE AIR LOCK TO SAVE HIS SKIN HE DOES?? THIS??? INSTEAD????

LIKE;;;; THOSE PODS WEREN’T DESIGNED FOR TWO SPARKS - IT WOULDN’T PROTECT THE BOTH OF THEM AND THEY BOTH COULD’VE DIED BUT HE??? DID IT ANYWAY???? HE FUCKING DEPRIVED HIS OWN SPARK - FUCKING LIFE FORCE - TO KEEP SPARKY ALIVE and it’s sad that Sparky turned out to be pathogens trying to  feed off of him so they could live to kill other bots but??? he still loves 'em??? l ike the dude’s genuinely proud of them;;;;; *cries* he wouldn’t be the best father but God damn it he’s fucking sweet and loving in his own way;;;;

i love Whirl ;^; he’s got HUGE flaws but?? it’s hard for me to completely hate the guy;; considering his background and what he’s struggling with even rn and how he still tries to be decent and caring in his own way, i just?? love him?? i wanna see more of Whirl and wanna see where they take his character but even if i don’t see another Whirl centric arc for a long ass time, idgaf - i love him already ;; plus there’s always fanfiction and HCs lmao

[thefaultinher]

The Beginning?

“Mason, I’m not going to play these games with you. I told you I wasn’t going to wait around for you this time. You should’ve just fucking listened for once.”

“Oh COME ON, Sierra! You know I didn’t mean to…”

“Didn’t mean to what Mason? Kiss her? FUCK her? Tell me, enlighten me on what it exactly is that you didn’t mean to do. Please, Please just fucking make my night.” Sierra was getting angrier by the second but at who she wasn’t quite sure.

“I didn’t mean to do any of it! Come on baby, you know I can change, don’t let this one little thing ruin us, I love you baby.” Mason pleaded.

“Don’t. Just don’t Mason. I’m done, this whole…” Sierra swung her arms, gesturing to all of him, “ whatever the hell you want to call it now, it doesn’t work and it’s not going to work. You’re never going to change Mason, don’t even try.” Sierra got up and headed for the door of Mason’s room when he stopped her.

“If you go, I’ll tell them.”

Sierra froze, her fingers just barely brushing the door handle.

“You wouldn’t…”

“Oh trust me baby, I would, you’re supposed to be mine, and I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“Then tell them Mason, hell tell the whole damn world because I am not going to be your prisoner for the rest of my life.” Sierra swallowed the lump in her throat, opened the door, and left Mason’s room for the last time. She could hear him screaming after her.

“You stupid bitch you’re going to regret this! YOU HEAR ME?!”

The next day Sierra realised maybe should’ve listened. Having everyone know the real her, her secrets, was much worse than she’d expected. Her life was her own personal hell. Mason had made good on his promise. He’d posted everything she’d ever told him about who she used to be. Every last horrifyingly sad detail and people had taken notice. She’d gotten every message possible from, the empathetic girls to the you deserved it guys. Her life was now an open book.  

That was a month ago.

“It’s only a party, you can do this… Aw hell no I can’t! Jay…”

“No. Sierra, you’re going to this party, you haven’t even remotely gotten out of your house since what happened.”

“Hey. I’ve gotten out of bed.”

“ Whatever Sierra, you’re going, you promised.”

“Fine whatever Jay, but if something happens it’s on you.”

“If you mean something like you embarrassing your ass in front of everyone then sure, I’ll take the blame for that.”

Sierra had no choice, Jay wasn’t going to let her out of this one.

“Besides, just because Mason was a jackass doesn’t mean you get to hide away for the rest of the semester.”

“I know…”

The whole car ride there Jay continued to try and get Sierra to be excited about the party. Yet all Sierra could think of was what She was going to do if Mason was there, and what would happen if they bumped into each other. By the time Jay pulled up to the house Sierra was so wrapped up in her own mind that she hadn’t even realised that They’d parked, at least not until Jay was already out of the car and staring at her.

Unbuckling her seatbelt with no more enthusiasm than when she had first put it on, Sierra got out of the car. Instantaneously she could hear the music blaring out from the open door of the house, a steady beat that was sure to inspire dancing inside. Sierra sighed.

“It’s going to be okay Sierra, it’s been a month surely everyone’s moved on from your life story by now.” Jay tried to be reassuring.

She couldn’t have been more wrong. From the second Sierra walked through the door, everyone stared, even pausing conversations as she walked passed them. They hadn’t forgotten, that was for sure. Sierra knew this house well enough, that she made a break for the spare bathroom in the back of the house, the “hot spot” as everyone else called it. She shoved her way through a couple who were making out, and probably were making their way for the very same bathroom, Sierra slammed the door shut.

“Fuck, I can’t do this…” Sierra looked at her reflection. She’d tried for once, her make up seemingly flawless, she tried to focus on it. She sat on the edge of the bathtub, pulled out her phone, about to call for a cab when someone knocked.

“Find somewhere else to fuck your girlfriend!”

Cal backed away from the door. The girl's voice, let alone her statement, cut through the now empty hallway.

“Uhm, I’m sorry? I was just looking for the bathroom, someone said there was one down here…”

Sierra didn’t recognize the voice as anyone of her former friends nor peers. Curiosity, getting the better of her, opened the door.

“Jesus, I mean, I’m sorry, are you okay? I can find another bathroom really it’s no problem…”

“What? Oh my God, no no, you can use this one I’m fine.” Sierra glanced back in the mirror and realized she’d had mascara running down her face probably since she sat down, she hurriedly wiped her face on the sleeve of her sweater.

“Are you sure you’re okay because you look pretty rough.”

“Well thanks, you look pretty damn cute yourself.”

“Ouch, hey-”

Sierra shoved past the guy, and went in search of a drink. If she was going to be stuck here she was damn well going to do it drunk.

Cal watched the mystery girl go, yet he couldn’t understand why she’d been crying.

Sierra made a bee-line for the kitchen and ran smack dab right into the strong back of the very person she’d been trying to avoid.

“Well if it isn’t my suicidal baby.” Masons drunken smirk made Sierra’s stomach turn.

“Mason -”

“Shh, Shh, it’s going to be just fine, I told you you’d come running back.” Mason wrapped one arm around Sierra’s waste with no intention of letting her go.

“Come on man, you really want to deal with that again, throw her out with the rest of the trash!” One of  Mason’s football buddies butted in.

“Maybe I should but-” Mason grabbed Sierra’s face in his now free hand “would ya lookit this pretty face, it’d be such a waste to throw her out without a little bit of fun.”

Sierra felt cold, all she wanted to do was break his hold but he was much stronger than she was and she was terrified what Mason would do. She was the first girl who had ever left him after all, no one leaves Mason Cartwright unless he’s the one walking away. Except her.

“Mason, just let me go-”

“Now now baby, come on, it’s a party you're sposed ta have a lil’ fun” he pulled Sierra closer.

She knew what was going to happen if she didn’t get away from him. He’d either cause a scene or she’d be forced back into a spare room with him.  

“MASON. LET. ME. GO” Sierra put all of her weight into shoving him off of her. As she expected he rebounded and grabbed her wrist. He’d had to of been drinking since at least noon for his breath to smell as rancid as it did.

“Oh sweetie don’t do that.” Mason’s face was right next to hers, “besides what did he have that I don’t”

By now the kitchen had become crowded with party goer’s interested to see what the commotion was about. Sierra searched for Jay, but as always she was nowhere to be found.

“Mason, please just let me go, you’ve been drinking you know you don’t mean any of this…”

“Oh shut the fuck up, and gimme a kiss, come on baby just like old times, just like you ga-”

Sierra smacked Mason across the face, she didn’t want to hear it, she wanted to go home, only now she’d just made a huge mistake.

“YOU LITTLE WHORE, I OUGHTA-”

“You oughta what man? You oughta let her go? You bet you oughta.” Cal stepped into the kitchen. The girl was visibly shaken, and had more tears running down her face now than when she did when he’d first encountered her in the bathroom.

“Yeah and who exactly are you? DO you even know who I am, who’s house you’re in?!” Mason’s voice was cracking with rage.

“I believe I’m in yours, who I am isn’t any of your concern but by the looks of that poor girls face, something tells me she wants nothing to do with you. So how about it bud, how about you just let her go.” Cal never let his eye contact break Sierras.

“Why should I?” Mason glanced between Cal and Sierra “Oh. OH, WELL NEW GUY. If ya wanted a taste of the neighborhood trash you should’ve just asked!” Mason threw Sierra at Cals feet and backed up laughing like this was all meant to be just a silly little joke.

“Go on, taste her.” Mason winked.

“No.” Cal helped Sierra back on her feet and nodded for her to go out the side door of the kitchen.

Sierra ran. She knew this place fairly well after dating Mason on and off since her junior year of high school, and she knew the fastest way to the road was to cut through the little patch of woods and hop the ditch.

That’s exactly as she did.

Cal had quickly left the party once he caught sight of the girl running for the woods. He made a bee-line for his car and floored it for the road. Being the new kid or not, he didn’t like seeing a girl in that kind of pain, even if it did mean standing up to the used to be football star.

Once he hit the road she wasn’t hard to find.

“Hey, why don’t you hop in, I’ll give you a lift home. You really shouldn’t be walking out here alone anyways.” Cal had pulled up alongside her.

Sierra didn’t say anything, she just opened his door and climbed in. They’d gone 5 miles before she said anything.

“You know, if you’re going to rape me too make sure you kill me after.”

[forestwater87]

“JASPER DIES AT THE END” (S2E5) MASTERPOST: THE WRITERS ARE BRILLIANT (AND DAVID IS CUTE, TO NO ONE’S SURPRISE)

Hey guys, you know what everyone wants to talk about with this exciting episode that teases major character death and angst? 

A book about a monster made of frozen meat!

No? Just me? Well fuck it, I’ll save the John Dies at the End talk for the end of this post, but someone is going to listen to me freak out about it, okay?! Because it is goddamn brilliant!

First though: Baby Davids.

SO MANY BABY DAVIDS.

This is actually not a Baby David. It might be hard to tell, considering he’s an adorable baby, but this is actually a grown fucking man.

Which makes the fact that he’s driving a car pretty reassuring, I guess.

Although he must stop making that tiny little pout mouth, because I might actually dehydrate myself from crying so many tears. 

It’s so cute. It’s too cute.

David, I’m really gonna need you to keep your eyes on the road more than 30% of the time.

Good boy.

Also, is his steering wheel at dick height? That . . . seems wrong, somehow. Where is it?

(Also HopefullyPessimistic pointed out that he’s not wearing a seatbelt. To be fair, I don’t think this car has seatbelts, at least not in the front, but that’s not very safe!)

DAVID

LOOK AT THE FUCKING ROAD

Thank you.

GODDAMN IT YOU’RE A BAD DRIVER!

Anyway, they’re all going to the hospital because the kids glued Space Kid to cardboard, I think? And apparently this isn’t something that can be cured by, like, putting him in water until the glue and cardboard dissolve.

To be fair, I wouldn’t trust whatever chemicals are put into the glue Campbell buys (and let’s be real, probably makes). It might be a good idea to seek immediate medical attention.

Why are the kids there?

Shh, don’t ask questions. Just look at how cute Max and Nikki are.

See, isn’t that better?

Anyway, Nikki gets David talking about his time as a Camp Campbell camper just like they are now! (Seriously, how many fucking times has David used those exact words?)

David is overjoyed!

(And adorable.)

(And still not looking in even the general direction of the road!)

Max is . . . less so.

Nikki’s face!

David please, you’re gonna kill someone!!

At this point Max gets so upset he apparently starts tripping balls. Or . . . maybe they all do? Maybe this is the result of glue fumes?

I can’t imagine it’d make David’s driving any worse, at least.

And now . . . flashback time! Which means . . . CUTENESS AHOY!!!!

Oh.

This . . . is not what I was hoping for.

If Campbell could just try not to look like he’s eye-fucking the audience I’d really appreciate it. He’s like his very own Workplace Sexual Harassment video.

Baby Jasper is precious. I realize that there is no non-baby Jasper so calling him “baby” is a bit unnecessary, but . . . look at him. He’s such a baby!

The way Campbell defers to QM is oddly sweet. I wanna know more about their relationship.

I’m gonna need someone to explain to me how that moth is alive after being presumably squished between the pages of the book. Also how the Quartermaster is reading without looking at the words.

There is no good way for me to animate QM’s mustache, but trust me, it moves when he talks and it looks kinda like an octopus swimming and I find it unreasonably endearing.

UH OH GUYS

WE GOT TROUBLE

HIS NAME IS DAVEY

AND HE’S THE TOUGHEST OH MY GOD I CAN’T HE’S JUST SO FUCKING CUTE SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE LOOKIT HIS LITTLE FACE AND HIS NEAT LITTLE HAIR POOF OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD

Ahem. Anyway.

Glad to see that David never outgrew his “pushing people out of the way, often literally to the ground” phase. He’s apparently been doing that since . . . 9? 10?

Okay, is it just like a rule that female counselors have to have hair that does that? This two-tone thing is ridiculously confusing, though at least this one doesn’t look like a hat.

. . . Wh-where did you get that can from, David? Where on your tiny body did you fit it?

Gasp! 

No, honestly, that does upset me. Don’t litter; it’s disrespectful and disgusting and grown-up David would be very disappointed.

Davey would like you to know that he thinks nature is stupid. At least, that’s what I think he’s saying; it’s hard to concentrate because he sounds like Mickey Mouse with a sore throat.

Also he keeps making faces that are so cute I almost drown out the dialogue by screaming.

I know I call David a kitten too much, but look at me and tell me you don’t see an angry kitten. Actually, don’t tell me, just unfollow me, because we clearly will never agree on anything important.

Boyfriends? Boyfriends.

BOY. FRIENDS.

You might think breaking out “square” and “dang” are cheesy even for David, but this was probably like 2002 or so? It’s a little-known fact, but obscenities actually weren’t invented until 2004, most people believe with the success of Lil Jon. So this was actually appalling for the time period.

Davey gets to go on some magical probably-vaguely-racist nature quest with Jasper and Campbell! And boy, is he thrilled!

There are going to be a million comparisons to young Davey and Max by everyone who watches this episode, which makes totally sense because they’re so similar and it explains so much about David’s attitude toward him and his refusal to never give up and all that.

It sounds like there’s a “but” at the end of that, but there isn’t. It’s just going to happen a lot. And that’s a pure and good thing.

I need adult David to roll his eyes even, like, a tenth as much as Baby David does. It’s so fucking cute it hurts.

Jasper is a good good boy.

You know, I have a crimelord/FAHC AU where the Quartermaster is Campbell’s right-hand man.

I’m starting to think that maybe it’s actually the other way around.

(Also David’s being totally unimpressed and Jasper’s general confused faces are so good.)

Cam, never make that expression again. Please. For the children.

David actually says “SIGH.” Even as a “bad boy” he���s the biggest fucking dork.

So they’re off! Exploring! They don’t get very far, but Davey’s face goes on a motherfucking journey all its own. Join me, won’t you?

The noise I made at this face was inhuman. I sounded like someone had stepped on my throat really hard.

That was an adventure of a lifetime, and I hope you all enjoyed taking it with me!

I literally wrote “Max” instead of “David.” I’m just not used to see that little face so angry.

This is the “check out the balls on new kid” moment for Davey, when he seems actually kinda impressed that Jasper’s telling Campbell they’re lost. Sure, Jasp isn’t a new kid, but his “this oughta be interesting” expression is great.

“We are FUCKING lost!”

No, he didn’t say that. How great would it have been, though? 

Actually, @hopefullypessimistic84 has my new favorite theory, and I’m just gonna paste it here because it’s genius:

since David was the one telling the story to the trio...we don't know for sure Davey said "Darn"

The boy could've been saying some no-no words

I’ve adopted this as canon. Jasper had to learn how to swear somewhere, right?

I have no comments. David is just like 75% eyes and it’s very important to me.

David: torn between resentment and admiration for Jasper (and probably Campbell). And crossing his arms like a little dweeb.

I feel like we need to have a a conversation about how Jasper looks exactly like Griffin McElroy. (To me, anyway. I might be the only one who sees it.) Which came first, the design or the voice?

David is perfect and Campbell gives no fucks.

B

O

Y

F

R

I

E

N

D

S

Some cute Jaspers, mostly for HopefullyPessimistic but let’s be real, we all need some cute Jasper in our lives.

Have I mentioned that Davey is cute? Seriously, there’s like nothing else to this post. He sounds like Mickey Mouse and looks like a ball of sunshine had a baby with a kitten.

JESUS CHRIST, CAMPBELL

Can we talk about how David knew Campbell was going to kill him? Because he’s the one telling this story, after all.

Sad David is my favorite thing. Sad Baby David is even better oh my god.

“I know I’m a bad kid —”

“I’m rotten to the core!”

Sweetie, you're like if a Chihuahua got bitten by a radioactive young Haley Joel Osment and transformed into the cutest thing on the planet. 

You’re no Max.

Can we just have a conversation about how Davey looks when he says “and even if I’m not as good as he is”?

Baby

BABY

How deep does this inferiority complex go?! When did it start?! WHO KEEPS TELLING YOU YOU’RE NOT AS GOOD AS OTHER BLONDE-HAIRED BLUE-EYED TWINKS I’LL FUCKING PUNCH THEM DAVID YOU’RE SO PERFECT AND LOVABLE JUST THE WAY YOU ARE SHHH DON’T BE SAD

Seriously, though, this is goddamn heartbreaking. He’ll later say that saving Jasper was reaching his “full potential” — and I mean, yeah saving someone’s life is pretty fucking impressive, but at ~10 years old he shouldn’t consider being the sidekick to someone else’s story his main accomplishment.

Baby. Don’t do this to me. I can’t handle these feelings.

BRAVEHEART!

There are times where I just have pictures and no commentary, and I ask myself if I should just not include those pictures, because I don’t have anything interesting to say about them. And then I look at this motherfucker’s face and think no, this deserves to be stared at.

Stare at it, guys.

I should point out how cute all the kids look, but I’m pretty sure the only thing that exists for me right now is DAVID’S FACE WHAT THE FUCK AM I EVEN LOOKING AT MY BOYYYYYYY

(Also good job letting those eyebrows grow in, babe. It wasn’t a great look.)

This is the closest David will get to rolling his eyes as an adult, and we need to appreciate it.

NIKKI WHERE IS YOUR SEATBELT

THIS DRIVE IS SO UNSAFE

I AM SO STRESSED

These images are good and pure.

Wait wait wait wait WAIT

TWINSIES! (Or . . . same-person-sies. Whatever, he kept this expression into adulthood and I am here for it.)

As David’s mouth gets smaller, so do the colored parts of his eyes. You know what I’m going to say about this.

Is this post too long? Yes. Is it going to stop me? Nope!

DON’T FUCK WITH DAVEY. HE’LL FUCK YOU UP.

God this post is getting stupid

Look at him prance! That’s the intimidating prancing of someone who is gonna fuck you up

Jasper has been underrepresented here, which is a shame because he’s a lovely child and wait where’s the second half of that bear?

I mean, it’s standing on its hind legs, right? But . . . where’s the rest of it?

@ciphernetics pointed out that if Jasper had lived, he would’ve had these big scars across his chest and David would kiss them and now I want to cry so fucking thanks for that, Netics. Let’s all be sad together.

Does anyone else get a weird “Scuttle looking at human objects” vibe from this? Just me?

Just me, then.

D:

Don’t point that there, Campbell! That’s how lawsuits start!

David is not fucking around.

NOT. FUCKING. AROUND.

(Honestly, I’m slightly amazed that he got out of this forest alive. By the way, if I’m lost in the wilderness, please just use technology to save me. I don’t give a single fuck.)

David is the O.O face. He just is.

“I’ve seen bears do some pretty crazy things before.”

What . . . what kind of impossible things, Cam?

Why are you making that face, Cam?

Was it . . . was it sex things?

Look at little detective Davey! He’s my Scooby son and he can’t do anything without looking like a total dork and I love him more than life itself.

Here we have Heartbreak OH SHIT: A Triptych

(shoutout to Lemony Snicket for teaching me what a triptych is, btw. I swear I’ve learned more from those books than actual school.)

LOOK AT DAVID’S FUCKING SWEET MOVES!

Okay, someone explain to me how he could avoid getting stabbed/clawed/stomped on by three bears two bears and a maniac, yet cannot avoid damage from a single solitary bus? What happened to your moves, Davey?

Oh my sweet Jesus LOOK AT THIS FACE GUYS

Also I might just be a monster, but my response to these events would absolutely be “HOLY SHIT THAT’S THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!” not “hey you didn’t have to murder the bears.”

I mean, you kids realize that bears . . . run? Trust me, you weren’t getting far without some good ol’-fashioned bear murderin’. 

Fuck, I can’t believe I just complimented Campbell. Ew. Ew. Ew, this feels wrong and weird and gross, like when you fall asleep without brushing your teeth. Ugh, let’s move on.

Well, they seem to have recovered. (Good. Appreciate the awesome.)

I’d also like a story about how the 3 of them carried those bears down a mountain, but I guess that’s for another flashback.

He absolutely thinks he’s gonna get in trouble here and my heart cannot handle it. Honey, please. Tell me who hurt you.

Thaaaaat’s unsettling.

I mean, it’s not, it’s adorable, but eyes shouldn’t do that. Makes me wonder if Campbell slipped him something up on that mountain.

Wouldn’t put it past him, is all I’m saying.

LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS!

LOOK HOW MUCH JOY HE’S GETTING OUT OF FEELING WORTHWHILE FOR ONCE IN HIS SHORT LIFE wait a second.

That’s awful.

Does David seriously love Camp Campbell because it’s the first time he’s actually felt like he accomplished something? Is this episode actually really fucking depressing and not in the way we all assumed it would be?

Shhhh don’t think about it! Look at how cute he is instead! 

Awww I just wanna snuggle him. And give Jasper immediate medical attention. 

(Seriously, Campbell, the fuck.)

Here we have a grizzled old man stealing a small child’s nipple. I know it’s too high let me have this goddamn joke okay

I’d call David an asshole for not caring about Jasper’s sadness, but considering how much this episode made me feel like crying in a corner already, I think it’d be pretty mean to shit on this poor kid’s happiness by pointing out what a jerk he is.

Besides, we don’t know Jasper. He was kinda a dick in the beginning of this episode too — though to be fair this was all told by David, so I have to wonder how much of that was his obvious hatecrush.

“Ha, look at me! I’m so great! Don’t you . . . don’t you think I’m great, Jasper? Jasper, are you seeing this? How great I am?”

H A T E 

C R U S H

Cute cute cute cute cute

Also um the fuck

David

This is why people on Tumblr call you gay

It’s this

All of it

All of the this

Going off to hit on/brag at his depressed totally-not-crush. Guys I ship this so hard.

I

Okay but

what am I supposed to SAY here?!

He’s beautiful!

He makes me want to cry!

I made a legitimate squeaking noise at the cuteness of these pictures!

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY, DAVID?!

WHY ARE YOU SUCH SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS?!

Fuck this fuck. Ruined my stellar commentary. (Ha, yeah okay.)

And now for the part I actually wrote first because I’m too excited, and nobody else will care about!

John Dies at the End is a novel by David Wong (who also serves as the narrator; think Lemony Snicket, if he was a drug-addicted depressed nihilist asshole who . . . okay, just think Lemony Snicket). It’s also a movie; I haven’t seen it, I keep meaning to, I’ve heard mostly-good things. The book is a masterpiece and I love it so goddamn much.

So what does it have to do with Rooster Teeth? 

Well, the title’s an obvious nod, which Miles has just straight-up said. But also the titular John is an upbeat, recklessly gung-ho guy always eager to jump into anything, which usually leads him into getting into trouble — and dragging Dave, the reluctant, cynical asshole who wants nothing to do with these adventures, into shit with him. Now who does that sound a bit like?

It’s something of a stretch, but I don’t think it’s too far off: Jasper is John, the energetic do-gooder with a serious ego — hell, they even have the same place in the title — and David is Dave Wong, the reluctant hero who despite not wanting anything but to be left alone, ends up doing the right thing because he just can’t fucking not when shit gets real and no one else is willing to step up.

And then, obviously the major reference is in the fact that John does not die at the end of John Dies at the End. I’m honestly upset that I didn’t see the end of this episode coming, because the title basically tells you, if you picked up on the reference, that Jasper will absolutely live.

Which he does.

Also the sense of humor is a great combination of deeply poignant and so immature you can’t believe actual adults sat down and wrote it. So, obvious parallels.

THESE WRITERS. THEY ARE SO FUCKING GOOD.

(This is what being an English major does to you, kids. It’s not good for your social life. You will overanalyze everything. Obviously I highly recommend it.)