#h. hey komaeda you. you should. you should hold him under the water for like . 3 seconds longer than you need to

[mars-ipan]

Baptism takes a gay turn now live at-

(NOT CLICKBAIT) GETTING REBAPTIZED TO SHOW MY DEDICATION TO THE FAITH (GONE WRONG (GONE HOMO?))

[moonlessnight126]

Chapter 9: Trust and Honesty

Link

The sun shined brilliantly across the windows of the Café Parisian where Hinata’s mother sat quietly, tea lying there on the table getting cold as music played in the background. Preoccupied with the welfare of her son, voices of her surroundings gradually muffled away as her mind drowned in thought and worry that she nervously fiddled with her fingers over her lap. Suddenly, her ears picked up on a conversation behind her right close to the entrance door between two crew members.

She peered at the two as she listened in.

“Have you heard? Two members of the high class snuck into the steerage yesterday.”

“The steerage? Why would they do that?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“Ha, that’s folly.”

“Commander Juzo had to go and search for ‘em too.”

“Was it a couple?”

“Probably so. Heard he found ‘em in a compromising situation too, but ya didn’t hear this from me.”

“Bet ya they had a good ol’ wackin!”

The rest of the conversation blurred away as her face contorted with worry.

‘Perhaps it was Hajime?’

She immediately shook her head at the absurdity of the idea, finding it almost laughable that she would suspect her very own son to have been engaging himself in that kind of ill-manner or any for that matter. She didn’t notice when her husband came and pulled a chair that she nearly jumped out of hers.

“Hajime hasn’t shown up yet?” He asked as he seated himself next to her.

“Not yet, dear.”

“That’s unlike him. Should we have woken him up?”

“I don’t know. He probably had… quite a long night, I suppose. Better let him rest.” She tried to mask her concern, but it showed and he quickly picked up on it. He knew it was unusual of her not to be excited about the events of the party.

“You seem worried.”

“I’m just… concerned about Hajime and how he’s been progressing thus far with the elites.”

“Isn’t he getting along fine?”

She gave him a smile before shrugging her shoulders. “You’re right, dear. I’m needlessly worrying over nothing again, aren’t I?”

“Like all mothers do; you just want what’s best for our boy. Have a little faith in him.”

“Well, I think he just needs a little encouragement from his father, too.”  She then nudged him playfully before saying, “Probably best when I’m not around, you know? Man to man.”

Chuckling, he assured her saying, “Alright, I’ll talk to him.”

Back in the suite, Hinata gradually woke up to a painful throb in his head that had him wincing as he rolled over in bed, praying this killer headache would go away but with no use. But that was to be expected from all the drinking he did, he thought as he opened his eyes.

Looking at the time, he realized he was late for breakfast. He grudgingly sat up and looked over to the adjoined door and wondered if his parents had tried waking him up.

That was when it occurred to him; how would he explain to his mother where he was the night before? But other than that, what Komaeda had said that night kept echoing in his mind.

What do I do, Hinata-kun? I’m falling more and more for you.

Although he imagined how difficult it might have been for Komaeda to open his heart and make himself vulnerable, he admitted his heartfelt feelings that were most honest and true. On the other hand, Hinata had been hiding the truth from him and that tugged painfully at his heart with guilt.

He pulled his knees up under the covers and lowered his head down between his arms, feeling very small as the world closed in on him. Cursing his shortcomings, he pursed his lips to suppress his anger with himself.

He wasn’t truly one of the elites that Komaeda admired so dearly, but he owed him the truth, the same courtesy. It's the least he could do. If he didn't tell Komaeda the truth, he wouldn't be able to move forward with their relationship.

...Relationship?

A blush crept up Hinata's cheeks as the word rang in his mind. That was the first time he admitted to himself out loud that what they have is a relationship, not some fluke or pent up feelings. It was real and tangible and he could actually imagine a future with him.

But…

Suddenly, his heart sank as a dark cloud loomed over his thoughts. He placed his hand on his chest and crouched over as a fleeting, dreadful sensation creeped into his heart. If he told him the truth, how would he respond? Would his feelings towards him change? Would he get angry? Would he not look at him with those adoring eyes and loving smile anymore? No, he couldn't bear it, couldn’t even bear the thought of it.

Suddenly, he felt sick in the stomach that he hastily got out of bed and grabbed the nearest basket before throwing up in it. He coughed and whimpered at the bitter taste in his mouth as he pulled himself up. He grabbed a piece of cloth nearby and wiped his mouth.

“Ugh, I shouldn’t have drunk this much.”

He then made his way to the drawer and pulled out a bottle of pills, popped two in his mouth and jugged it down with a bottle of water. He hoped the pills would numb the throb in his head, but he knew they wouldn't be able to take away the ache and fear enveloping his heart. He couldn't help but ponder over the possibilities that would take place if he was to confess.

Realizing there was no use in standing there idly and thinking it over, his eyes turned to ones of conviction. It wasn't a matter of debate and he couldn't keep it from him any longer. He has to do it.

Taking off the clothes that he had been wearing the night before, he opened the closet and pulled out his suit. Back to his formal attire, he exited the room.

“There you are, my boy!”

“Good morning father, ...mother.” His eyes lingered on her before pulling out a chair and sitting down. She didn't say a word as she quietly sipped on her tea.

“Slept quite a lot, haven’t you?”

“Y-Yeah…”

“Tell me, how did it go, son?”

He looked over to his mother, knowing she was the one who usually asked these questions. He fidgeted as he answered, “Uhm, it was the usual, I guess.”

“That’s good. Say, Hajime. Yesterday, I happened to see you walking back to the cabin dressed rather peculiarly, and you were with that other boy, Komaeda Nagito was his name?”

Hinata froze stiff in his seat and his eyes shook as panic took over him.

“U-Uhm, W-We…”

“Darling, haven't you heard? The elites were hosting a clothing party yesterday, for laughs.” Hinata's mother interjected.

Hinata stared at her wide-eyed as she turned to him, “Isn't that right, dear?”

Hinata nodded. “Y-Yeah.”

“Is that right?” The father laughed. “Quite strange.”

“Dear, aren't you going to be late meeting your friends? They must be waiting for you.”

“Oh right. Well, I'm off then.”

His father picked himself up and headed towards the smoking room. Hinata lowered his head as he gazed down on his hands, clenched on top of his knees. He didn’t know he was holding his breath until his mother spoke out to him.

“Hajime,” she started, “... are you alright, dear?”

Hinata hesitantly lifted his head and looked at her.

“Is there something you want to tell me?”

Hinata remained quiet, cautious. Conflict raged in his heart because he wanted to confide in her; he wanted to tell her everything, but at the same time he knew perfectly well that she would never accept it, his feelings for Komaeda and their relationship together. She would never allow it. Aside from that, the way she spoke of him, her tone towards Komaeda, was a bit defensive. He was too afraid to say anything and risk losing Komaeda.

Struggle reflected in his eyes as he tried to find the words to say, but was caught off guard with what she said next.

“Did you enjoy the party? Judging from what you were wearing, I suppose you had a harmless visit to the lower decks, didn't you?” She said with a loving smile when she saw his eyes widen with shock. She then placed the tip of her fingers under his chin and sighed worriedly through her smile as she said admittedly, “I know we’ve been pressuring you a lot lately, so it’s alright. I’m not angry with you.” She then added with a laugh, “Your father doesn’t need to know that you’ve been down there, partying with a bunch of… a bunch of riots.”

“Mother…” The word breathlessly escaped his lips in disbelief because he couldn't believe his ears. He was unexpectedly surprised at how lightly she was dealing with the matter opposed to how he thought she'd react.

“But I don’t like you behaving like this either, going somewhere dangerous with your newfound friend.” She reprimanded before lifting her hand and cupping the side of his face. Caressing his cheek in a motherly manner, concern filled her loving gaze as she said, “You have to take care of yourself, because you could get yourself hurt. Who knows what kind of danger you might put yourself in?”

Missing the underlying intention of her words, Hinata gave her a soft chuckle because he did run into some trouble.

“Don’t worry about me. You taught me how to take care of myself.”

"I surely did."

They shared a warm smile before his mother pulled back her hand and said, “Okay, run along now. Off you go.”

“Thanks, mother.”

Hinata pulled himself up from his chair and surprised her with a kiss on a cheek before turning around and leaving.

His mother watched him go with a smile before her eyes turned weary.  

With a sigh of relief at being spared the confrontation with his mother, he still had another matter to be concerned about and it weighed heavily on his heart and clouded his mind with dark thoughts. He could clearly imagine Komaeda’s dismay. As he sat alone on the bench, he solemnly gazed at the clear blue sky when someone approached him.

“Hey friend, what's on your mind?”

Hinata jumped a little before turning his gaze towards the smaller fellow walking towards him, seating himself by his side.

“H-Hey, Hanamura.” He said with a nervous smile before reluctantly pulling his gaze down. When he didn't say anything else, Hanamura tilted his head curiously.

“Let me guess. Are you thinking about a certain white-haired friend?”

… Was it that obvious?

Hinata slit his eyes cautiously towards him that had Hanamura bursting with laughter.

“Of course you are! Is everything alright? You two were missing last night. Anything interesting happened?”

Something interesting indeed.

Hinata really did need to talk to someone and Hanamura already knew about them, so what was the harm in having a little bit of trust in the shorter man?

Hanamura listened intently with keen interest as Hinata started explaining what had occurred the night before, leading up to when Juzo walked in on them right after Komaeda’s confession while leaving out unnecessary details that he didn't need to know of.

“Oh my, that sounds intense! You and Komaeda have become really close in a very short time, I see." Hanamura took a moment before asking, "You two have slept together, haven't you?” He exclaimed rather excitedly before being gawked at by a panicked Hinata.

“W-What are you saying, Hanamura?!”

“That means you haven’t yet?”

“...”

With his silence and embarrassing demeanor, it was Hanamura's turn to gawk.

"Ahahaha! My my! This is strangely fascinating. I guess if I try to look at it in another perspective, one may possibly get mildly curious towards the same… sex, I suppose. But, then again, Komaeda does have some effeminate features, so it might make some sense, don't you think?”

‘He what?’

Hinata’s brows furrowed at the strange remark and was about to argue back before being shot with yet another bold question.

"So are you into guys?"

“What?! No!" Hinata stressed, bewildered by his straightforwardness.

"You lost me. Komaeda is definitely a gu-"

"That's different." Hinata interrupted quickly.

"Oh... Ohhhhh, I can picture it now! So, out of all the people you've met and against all odds, Komaeda was the one that you felt attracted to regardless of gender, am I correct?”

“W-Well, I... I…” Hinata found himself stuttering, having a hard time keeping up with the little man before being shot yet again with another forward question, animated with gestures of his body and hands.

“You felt an intense, unexplainable desire to touch him and listen to his sinful moans while you pound into his manhole and feel that tightness engulf your whole being that you-"

"For the love of everything holy, would you stop?!!” Hinata could feel his cheeks burn to a crisp. “It was nothing like that and why would…? Wait a minute. Have you ever thought of that?”

“What? Me? No! Noooo. Haha. Just saying.” Hanamura shrugged casually and added, “I’m trying to understand it, is all.”

“Uh-huh.” Hinata said suspiciously.

“But if it wasn’t lust or curiosity, what else could it be?”

Just then, Hinata bashfully turned his face the other way as he fiddled around with his fingers.

"W-W-W-Wait. You actually like him? As in like like?"

"Will you lower your voice? People might hear you if they haven’t already!" Hinata whispered in panic.

"But you said you weren't into guys."

"I'm not! I…” He gave out a defeated sigh before asking in a low voice. “Is that too complicated?"

He would guess it was.

Hanamura took a moment to realize and for a moment his eyes gleamed. "So you actually do like him."

Hinata's brow twitched as he turned his head towards the shorter man with an agitated look on his face. "That’s what I’ve been trying to say!”

“Interesting! You’re not into guys but somehow you fell for Komaeda. Oh! It’s like you're the protagonist of a heart-clenching, forbidden love story! That's very exciting!”

Although Hanamura was exhilarated, Hinata didn't share his enthusiasm as he lowered his head and sighed dejectedly. "Not as exciting as you think. It's as complicated as it sounds and dangerous, considering that we're both..."

"... Men? First class?"

When Hinata remained silent, Hanamura's exhilaration gradually faded away and was replaced instead with a look of sympathy at how disheartened Hinata looked. He couldn't even begin to imagine the kind of burden he was carrying.

"You're scared, aren't you?"

“Of course I am!” Hinata couldn't help clenching his fists on top of his knees, his face twisted in a frown as fear gripped at his heart. “It hurts me to think that we can't be together, that something might and probably will come between us and tear us apart. Or for the simple fact that I can't live up to his expectations.”

“What do you mean?”

Hinata hesitated before answering, “You know how enamored Komaeda is with all of you, yet I couldn’t find it in myself to tell him that I’m not truly an elite.”

Hanamura stayed silent as he watched Hinata lower himself and cover his face with both of his hands. Beady eyes contorted with pain because he couldn't bear seeing him that way. “I think you two are beyond that line now!” Hanamura suddenly blurted out. “Knowing Komaeda, he probably already knows.”

Hinata remained still for a little while before lifting his head up towards him and asked a bit discouraged, “What do you mean?”

“Something like this wouldn’t stay a secret from him. And if it is, just be honest with him. The most important thing to any relationship is complete honesty, right? If he feels the same way about you, he'll reciprocate your feelings. If he doesn't, you should let him go.”

Hinata pulled his gaze down, hiding behind the shadow of his bangs and said nothing while he gripped on his shaking hands, his eyes close to drawing tears.

"It's scary to be in love, isn’t it? But that's how it is. If you're both meant to be, it'll happen regardless of the circumstances.”

The words surprised Hinata that he turned to look at him a little bit amazed that Hanamura had to smile.

"I may be a bit of a pervert, but-”

“A bit is underrated.” Hinata quickly interjected that Hanamura dismissed immediately.

“Anyway, the point is.... when it comes to loving someone, no matter who, it’ll always have its own challenges, but that what makes it beautiful. It’s a journey that one must take and bear with it all the ups and downs that comes along.” Hanamura took a moment and added,” And in all honesty, I could have never imagined anyone loving Komaeda considering how he is, but for some reason I envy him for it. For him to find someone who loves him this much, considering the risks, I think he’s pretty lucky."

Hinata scoffed, thinking he was mocking him, but all he saw was a genuine smile from the shorter man.

“I really mean it. I wish I could be loved in that same manner as well. From a girl… that is. I’m all in for the girls, haha!”

"Hanamaru..."

Hinata couldn’t help but mirror the smile, feeling his spirit elevate a little. He was about to thank him for his words of encouragement, but that quickly changed when Hanamura ruined the moment. "So, you’re the lead in this relationship? The one on top? The dominant one? Admit it, you fell for him because of that plump little ass of his, hahahaha!” He then gasped mid-thought before exclaiming. “What if it’s the other way around? Do you switch? What about-”

"Hanamura!!!"

Without warning, Hinata nearly jumped out of his skin when Nidai popped behind them out of nowhere. “Haha! This little fellow is giving you trouble?”

“Hey! This fellow is helping a friend in love.”

“H-Hanamura! W-What are you saying?” Hinata panicked with a blush.

“Ha! It ain’t manly to blush like that.”

“Says the guy whose face turns red whenever Akane is around.”

“Haha! You got me!” Nidai bursted into fits of laughter as he placed his hand behind his head in embarrassment.

Souda joined in laughing as he pointed at Nidai, "A blush doesn't suit you at all, Nidai! What’s this I hear about Akane?”

"Look who's talking,” Hanamura teased.

“What? You’ve got nothing on me.”

“Yeah? Should we call Sonia over here?”

“W-Why? Is she around?” Souda stuttered nervously.

The boys fell into a fit of laughter and Hinata couldn’t help but join them. He then looked at Hanamura, placing his hand over his shoulder and smiled in appreciation for getting him off of his worries even if it was for a little while.

But just then, his heart nearly gave out when he heard a voice say, "It's very lively over here, isn't it?"

“And here comes the man of the hour.” Hanamura exclaimed as he winked at Hinata.

Souda flashed a smile and pulled his arm over Komaeda's shoulder, surprising him. "Say Komaeda, is it possible that maybe you might have a crush on anyone? Like what's between you and Tsumiki?"

"Tsumiki... san?"

"She has a bit of a crush on you, don't you think?"

"Haha, that's not possible.”

“She definitely is.” Souda murmured.

Hanamura clarified the question by saying, “He is asking if perhaps you’re in love with anyone at all.” At that moment, Hinata wanted to punch him in the face, but it came as a surprise when he heard Komaeda’s response, making his breath get caught in his lungs with eyes stretching wide.

"Of course I am."

Souda nearly toppled over, blurting out in shock, "R-Really? Who?"

For a brief moment, Komaeda's smile beamed with warmth towards Hinata amidst them before declaring, "With all of you, of course. I love each and every one of my beloved elites."

"That's not what I'm asking!" Souda yelled angrily.

"Ahaha! You're a strange one, aren't you?" Nidai gave Komaeda a strong pat on the back that nearly had him tripping.

The sound of their laughter deafened as Hinata stared at Komaeda and all he could hear was his heartbeat echoing loudly in his ears. Komaeda stared back with that ever enduring, immutable smile as those uncanny eyes locked with his. The way Komaeda had looked at him when he said those words had his stomach fluttering and churning that his cheeks were softly heating up all the way to his ears.

Hanamura peeked at the pair and secretly smiled for them.

Nidai and Souda soon left and Hanamura followed them but without giving Hinata a pat of encouragement first. Komaeda then turned to him with that ever radiant warm smile of his, making his own lips pull into a thin line.

He needed to tell him.

With so many people around, he felt self-conscious. He quickly took Komaeda’s hand in his and pulled him along, “Come with me, Komaeda.”

Hinata took him to what seemed to be a vacant room. The instant they were inside, he pulled him into his arms and kissed him against the wall, catching Komaeda by surprise as he gasped before feeling Hinata's sudden lips on him, making his heart skip a beat before he closed his eyes, returning the gesture with much fervor as he slid his hands over Hinata's chest and wrapped them around his neck.

Please, please, please…

Overwhelmed with the fear that he might walk away from him, Hinata held him tight in his arms. With a tilt of his head, he pressed his lips harder against his, pulling a soft moan from Komaeda's lips.

If everything were to crumble, he wanted to savor one final kiss.

When Hinata gently pulled back and gazed into Komaeda’s half-lidded eyes, noting the soft blush on his pale cheeks, his own lips quivered before closing his eyes, trying to gather the nerve to confess.

Komaeda’s brow furrowed, noting the distress Hinata was in. He gently caressed his cheek and lifted his gaze back to him before asking softly, “Something wrong, Hinata-kun?”

“Komaeda...” Hinata started reluctantly as he held and pressed that pale hand onto his chest, squeezing it tight. “There is s-something that I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

Komaeda dipped his head to the side with a loving smile and said, “Tell me.”

“I-I…”

Hinata found swallowing difficult and his eyes reflected emotions of guilt and fear. Seeing that gentle smile on Komaeda's face, he just... couldn't.

Hinata couldn’t help dreading the worst. Would he like him any less if he knew the truth? Would he get angry with him and leave? The questions plagued his consciousness as fear gripped at his heart.

Komaeda noticed the slight tremble of his shoulders and started to feel concerned. “Hinata-kun, what’s wrong?”

When Hinata didn’t answer, Komaeda closed the distance even more between them and gently caressed his cheek to soothe him.

Feeling a little more resolved, Hinata gently held that caring hand and placed it over his chest, lips barely a breath apart from his as he reluctantly looked into those pale green eyes.

With their eyes locked on one another, Hinata gently cradled the side of his face and sighed with a shiver before saying admittedly as he squeezed Komaeda's hand over his chest, “I haven’t been truly honest with you."

“About what, Hinata-kun?”

Komaeda could clearly see how scared and hesitant Hinata was. One more time, he asked with a gentle caress of his hand across his cheek and with an unwavering smile, “What is it? Tell me.”

Seeing the look in Komaeda’s eyes, Hinata couldn’t bear denying him the truth any longer.

Link

~Moonlessnight126