#gym is villainous laughter and the parachute thing

[wow-an-unfunny-joke]

Silly Game Time: WRONG ANSWERS ONLY! What is Math?

A fucked up comedy routine that includes fire and chainsaws and the Greek alphabet.

It’s a hit with the autistic community.

[howlingguardian]

Hey folks, just posted my first fic on AO3- a quick BNHA drabble right here. I’ll cross-post it here as well for the rest of you.

All Might Is So Tough

There are some days where you do absolutely nothing of importance and enjoy yourself doing it.

Class 1-A were cheerfully enjoying one such lazy Sunday- while many of them were working on homework, or getting in a workout, they did so knowing that there were no villain attacks threatening them, no exams closing in, no logical ruse the teachers were so fond of… Just a day to decompress.

Those that weren’t in their bedrooms or the gym were gathered in the common room, spread out over the furniture. Kaminari and Mineta had claimed the sofa in front of the tv, snarling with concentration as they played a racing game, while Jirou and Todoroki were sat on the couch across from them; Ashido was grabbing a snack from the fridge, chatting with Satou; Iida was reading in an armchair, while Uraraka and Midoriya leant on either side, one with a magazine and the other with a journal. The mood was peaceful and relaxed-

‘Damn it!’

-up to a point.

‘What’s wrong, Jirou-chan?’ enquired Ashido, leaning over the kitchen counter with a pot of yoghurt. Jirou was flopped on the couch with her laptop on her knees, staring at the ceiling with a frustrated glare.

‘It’s this- ‘she gestured angrily to her computer, ‘stupid site!’

She sat upright and hammered something into the keyboard furiously, then clicked. There was a ding noise, and she slumped back with a loud groan.

‘I’m trying to put in a review for this album I bought, but the stupid thing keeps saying there’s a problem with the form! It’s just- I- aaarrrgh…’ she trailed off and gesticulated angrily at the screen. Next to her, Todoroki slid a bookmark into his novel, set it down, and leaned across to look at the screen: Jirou wordlessly turned the screen so her could see better. After a moment he pointed at one line.

‘I think you missed a box. Here, your username.’

‘Huh?’ Jirou sat up again and peered past his finger. After a moment she smacked her forehead and started typing again. ‘This is what I get for turning off autofill…’ she mumbled, clicking Submit for the fifth time. After a moment, the form went through, and she sighed with relief.

‘Look on the bright side, Jirou-san,’ said Satou, ambling over to flop on a beanbag ‘at least you don’t have it as bad as All-Might-sensei. He can’t fill out online forms at all.’

As heads turned towards him, Satou grinned, and with the air of someone laying down a trump card, announced ‘Because All-Might never submits!’

There was a round of good natured groans and a few laughs. Even Kaminari and Mineta snorted a bit, though they didn’t stop button-mashing for a second.

‘I don’t get it.’

There was an almost audible whoosh of air as everyone’s heads turned to Todoroki. Books were lowered, Ashido almost dropped her yoghurt, even the gamer duo paused the race to goggle at Todoroki’s puzzled face. After a moment, Midoriya realised something.

‘You didn’t get All-Might jokes in your house, huh?’

Todoroki shook his head. ‘My old man probably would have exploded- Ashido!’

The girl in question had dropped between him and Jirou so hard they almost bounced off. Ignoring Jirou’s dirty look, Ashido raised a finger authoritatively.

‘Todoroki, as your friends, it is therefore our duty to induct you into the ways of the All-Might joke.’ For about five seconds, she managed to keep a serious expression. Then she broke into a grin, clapped her hands, and looked around the room. ‘Who wants to go first?’

‘Me!’ yelled Kaminari, leaping to his feet. Taking a dramatic stance, he intoned-

‘All Might is so tough, he doesn’t do pushups. He just pushes the world down!’

There was a ragged cheer as Kaminari bowed to his audience, sitting down. Todoroki simply sat there bemused as Iida pushed his glasses up his nose and spoke.

‘I recall the tragic tale of when they attempted to name a street in All-Might-sensei’s honour. It was impossible to traverse until they changed the name. For you see-‘ he chopped a hand down and announced-

‘Nobody crosses All-Might and lives!’

The cheer was louder this time. Ashido whooped and clapped as Iida nodded at the praise.

‘Alright, Iida-kun! How about…’ she trailed off for a moment, then brightened. ‘Ah! All-Might is so tough, he can slam a revolving door!’

‘Boo, too old,’ jeered Kaminari. ‘Bring the A-material, Ashido.’

‘Like you’re one to talk. Everybody’s heard the pushup one. I saw some guy have a t-shirt with that once!’

‘Me next!’ shouted Mineta, pushing off the couch. ‘Uuuhm… Ok, I got one. All-Might is so tough, he out-stared a wall.’

‘Nice. I give it 7 out of 10. Anyone else?’ Ashido asked.

‘What’s going on?’ called Yaoyoruzu as she came in, followed by Ojiro and Hagakure.

‘We’re telling ‘All-Might’s so tough’ jokes. Wanna play?’ invited Kaminari.

‘I did hear one. It went, let’s see- All-Might doesn’t battle, he just allows you to lose?’

Todoroki smiled faintly. ‘That’s a good one, Yaoyoruzu.’

‘I got one!’ cheered Hagakure, drawing people’s attention from Yaoyoruzu’s faint blush. ‘All-Might doesn’t go swimming, water just wants to be around him!’

This one got a few claps, cut short by a familiar ‘The fuck is this?’

Bakugou tromped in, fresh from a workout, trailing Kirishima, Sero and Shouji.

‘We’re doing All-Might jokes. Know any good ones?’ said Uraraka, having put her magazine aside long ago. Bakugou sneered.

‘That’s easy. Everybody knows All-Might’s got a bear skin rug in his room.’

There were a few confused looks and mutterings until Bakugo smirked and delivered the punchline.

‘The bear ain’t dead- it’s just too afraid to move.’

Ashido clapped amidst the laughter that followed. ‘Nice one Bakugou, a hard act to follow! Come on, everyone! Everybody has to try and tell an All-Might joke! Except Todoroki,’ she added as an afterthought. Todoroki simply shrugged and looked on as more jokes were told, gradually gathering the whole class as they wandered in to see what all the noise was about.

‘While learning CPR, All-Might actually brought the practice dummy to life!’

‘A cop once pulled All-Might over. Luckily the cop left with just a warning-ribbit.’

‘All-Might went sky-diving once and his parachute didn’t open, so he took it back for a refund the next day.’

‘Monsters check under the bed for All-Might.’

‘All-Might doesn’t flush the toilet- he scares the shit out of it!’

‘All-Might can lift up a chair with one hand. While he’s sitting in it.’

‘All-Might had a role in Star Wars. He was the Force.’

It was during a lull, when people were trying to get their breath back, that Ashido looked around the room, did a count, then realised-

‘Who hasn’t gone yet?

All heads turned to Midoriya, who looked up from his journal, pen in hand. Iida leaned over to see-

‘Midoriya, are you recording all our All-Might jokes?’

Midoriya flushed and stammered ‘Well, i-it’s just, I haven’t heard all these jokes, so I-I wanted to note them down, so I could remember them.’

After a moment of thought, Ashido nodded. ‘Sensible. Anyway, it’s your turn now.’

Midoriya gulped and set down his journal, fidgeting with his pen for a moment as he thought. After a moment he sat up.

‘The universe is not expanding.’ He paused for a moment to let it sink in, then continued, ‘It’s running away from All-Might.’

There was a round of laughs from the other students- even Bakugou hid a small smirk. Then there was a dry, deep laugh from the doorway.

‘Good one, young Midoriya. I haven’t heard that one before.’

Heads turned in shock as All-Might sauntered into the room, making a beeline for the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water.

‘Don’t mind me.’ He said, waving cheerfully as he strolled back the way he came. There was a pregnant silence after he was gone, eventually broken by Todoroki clearing his throat.

‘So we’re not telling any more All-Might jokes while sensei might be around, right?’

There was a chorus of yeps, uh-huhs, and a few ‘too damn awkward’s to that affect, and that was the last they spoke of it for the day.

All-Might was suspiciously upbeat for the next few days, for no reason the other teachers could figure out.