#guys. he's starving. he knew the consequences. he's STARVING.

[calciumyum]

People (especially on tiktok) do realize that Eurylochus was well aware that killing the cow would result in their death and that he's just so starved that he'd rather have a quick death than die from starvation right. They do realize that Starvation is a big factor in this decision making, right. They do realize just because Odysseus didn't know the sheep was the cyclops' pet it doesn't make Eurylochus worse than him, right.

[gguk-n]

Chapter 2- Secret and Surprises

Unravelling Max's Mystery (Max Verstappen x Online Friend!Reader)

Series Masterlist

Summary- Y/N has lost out on a few of her publication dreams while juggling 2 jobs. Her crush on Max has only led to failed relationships. She dreams of one day meeting and being with Max. But Max has a girlfriend and a career she knows nothing about.

{Reader's POV}

I finally moved out from my parents's place a few years back when I decided to pursue Literature. It was a very difficult time for me but I had Max by my side. Trying to convince my parents that I want to understand the art of writing and then doing what I love was very challenging. I moved to a another city with my dream university. Even today, they detest my choices and hope that I would take my life seriously. It has been difficult but seeing them once or twice a year only has made it easy.

Max and I are still very close. I still have a crush on him; it got worse after we started video calling each other after I moved out. I wasn't about to get 'caught' talking to a guy under my parents's roof. The consequences would be disastrous. Max is still the same, slightly older, has a stubble. I still don't know his full name, but he doesn't know mine either and I don't mind keeping it that way.

Having Max as a friend has hindered quite a few relationships either because they weren't him or they were jealous of some guy I would drop everything for. He still has a horrible sleep schedule, I've scolded him a couple time, but he doesn't listen. However, he has the cutest cats, Jimmy and Sassy. They love their dad a lot; I really wanna get cats too but I'm barely keeping myself alive, I'll kill my pets.

My job pays shitty, I'm a primary school teacher and freelance editor. I had hoped that being an editor for bigger and well established authors would help me improve my writing and get my book or poems published; has yet to happen. All my clients are kind people and very understanding of my predicament. Alas, this doesn't leave me much time in the day; teaching, lesson planning, correcting papers, editing other's stories or poems, talking to Max. Max has gotten pretty good about not disappearing like he did a couple years back. I still have no clue what he does, not like he knows what I do specifically. But he said he does something along the lines of cars; I knew he loved cars. I hope his job pays him better since he moved a few years back when I was still at home. His place looks lavish, either he gets paid well or it's from the company. I will never know. He's seen the shit hole I live in, but has yet to comment on my poor living conditions. I have too much of an ego to let my parents know I am struggling; I would rather starve then let them know. All I would hear is that they were right and I should mend my mistakes. What mistakes should I mend when these were my choices and I'm happy with them.

I've compiled 20 of my poems and even wrote a book, I've sent it to so many publishers in hopes that it will get picked up. This is like my fourth or fifth time. I mean, I haven't exhausted my resources and till the day all the publications shut down I'm not giving up. I've been rejected quite a few time, sometimes at the initial stages or after first reading and preview. They make publishing a book look so easy on shows and movies. I wish it was that easy in real life, but it isn't.

Being on spring break makes it so much easier for a while, till I have to return. However, I can focus on my book and the editing gig since it pays better than teaching. There's this guy I'm editing for currently and he's so annoying. I want to stop working with him except he pays the best. The life of being chained to capitalism. I was fixing up his errors when my phone rang, it was Max on video call. We spoke on video call a lot after I moved out. He's attractive, blue eyes; truly all my weaknesses combined. When the screen popped up, he almost fell out of frame when Jimmy jumped on the phone. Max placed Jimmy on the floor. Max- Hey, Schat. Sorry about Jimmy. Y/N- Hi, honestly I would rather talk to Jimmy. (I laughed) Max- Sometimes, I think you are friends with me for my cats. Y/N- Yeah, I would've stopped being your friend had you not adopted them. Max- Wow! I'm hurt. (He placed his hand on his chest) Y/N- Stop being dramatic. I'm just living vicariously through you. Max- You should get cats too, you seem lonely. Y/N- I wish, I'll end up killing them since I'm so busy. Max- hmmm, I hope you find a companion. I did find a companion Max, every time I get a boyfriend, we break up directly or indirectly because of you I thought. Max- What happened to Finn? I thought he was smitten for you. Y/N- Yeah, things didn't work out. We both were too busy with work. In actuality, when we finally got close after months of talking and the first time we had sex I moaned out Max's name. He left immediately. I wasn't about to tell Max this. It would ruin everything, I believe. Max- What were you doing? Y/N- Editing that ass's book. Max- You know maybe, you should leave some blunders, not the most obvious ones but one's that would make him look stupid. Y/N- I wish Max, he pays me a shit ton to do my job. (I laughed bitterly) It's fine, honestly. I'll be done soon and I'll never have to see him again, hopefully, fingers crossed. Max- I hope so too. Y/N- Max, you should date someone. Instead of worrying about me. I've never seen you date anyone in all the years I've known you. Max- ahh, yeah, I'm too busy with work to do that. Y/N- If we lived closer, I would've set you up with someone. That someone being me, but he doesn't need to know that. We haven't even met yet; we never even spoke about meeting each other honestly. Max scratched his neck, shaking his head. Max- I'm good, schat. You should find someone, maybe you'll stop being cranky. Y/N- I'm not cranky, at least not with you. Max let out a deep laugh. Max- Well, I've got to go. My sister's visiting. I'll talk to you later. Y/N- Sure, say hi to Victoria for me. Bye Maxie!! Max- bye Y/N.

Talking to Max always brightened up my mood. But since, Victoria's visiting, he won't be available to talk as often. That means I'm gonna have to spend all my free time scrolling through Instagram. It's all fun and games until I'm on hour 6 of some random video on Youtube. I spent the next couple of days cooped up in my home, just to enjoy waking up late. There were still a few months still summer break and I intended on enjoying them to the fullest.

School started way to soon for my liking. Max would send pictures of Jimmy and Sassy to cheer me up. It did cheer me up. Max travelled a lot for work, I've seen quite a few hotels and I think they are 5 star hotels. So, his work place is rich rich. I wish Max would hire me, I lamented, maybe then we might meet. I've thought about meeting him but he never showed any inkling that he would like to meet me. I wasn't about to seem desperate; I would probably jump him if I did. I mean he is single, so it's fine.

When the school started after spring break, I got handed a new author to help edit her work. I spoke to her and she was very nice to talk to. The book she was writing was based off a sport. On further questioning, she told me it was Formula One. I had heard about it when my city hosted a Formula E race a couple years ago. I don't remember much because I'm not sure if they held it again but what I can tell you is that traffic got so bad, I hated leaving the house for a couple of days. I don't really see the appeal of watching people go around in a circle in fast cars. I think I would panic if I found out how fast they drove. The author asked me to do some research on the topic. I was a good student and I wanted to be of help, so I decided to spend the next couple of hours going through Formula One and their rules.

There's something I have to clear up, I have a type of blindness bias. If I'm not interested in a topic, it would be like I live under a rock. Nothing could phase me and I couldn't care less. That's how I ended up on the wikipedia article of Lewis Hamilton, Micheal Schumacher and then current champion Max Verstappen. Schumacher and Hamilton were very good, reading about them made me awe struck. What really shocked me was a guy named Max Verstappen, who looked awfully like Maxie. I've stared at Maxie more than I would like to admit, so I'm sure they look alike. As I went through the article, my heart seemed to beat harder; not sure why. I felt like this was my Maxie however I believed that Maxie would've told me if he was a Formula One driver. I had to lay my doubts to rest, so I ended up on Youtube with the search bar reading Max Verstappen. My doubts laid to rest in a place I didn't want them to; Maxie was Max Verstappen. I could recognise that voice anywhere. He talked a lot, I could recognise his voice in a crowd of people or in my sleep. All my suspicions were cemented when I saw a picture of 2 cats who looked like Jimmy and Sassy and were called by the same name. My heart was ready to jump out of my chest. Max had lied to me; but was it really lying when I never prodded him for answers. Worst of all, he had a girlfriend and a kid. That's when I felt I was lied too. How could he not tell me? I would've genuinely been happy for him. We would've celebrated his 2 championship wins. My throat felt dry and my eyes wet.

Life wasn't fair when I've been trying to get my book published while my best friend, don't even know if I can call him that, is a 2 time world driver champion. He never even told me, while he has been in Formula One almost all our friendship and karting all his life. I felt the ground slipping from under my feet. Was I that unimportant to not share such a crucial part of his life or huge accomplishment in his life? Was I even his friend? All these questions raced through my mind, while tears streamed down my cheeks. The pillow wet from my tears when my phone rang. It was Max on the other line, and for the first time in 10 years I did not answer his calls even though it rang for a 4-5 times. He finally stopped after sending me a couple of worried messages; asking how I was and where I was?

[Max was freaking out. Y/N never missed his calls, no matter the time or place. Worst of all, she didn't even reply to his messages; not after 5 minutes or 10 minutes or 20 minutes. Max didn't know where she lived, he didn't know who to call, or who to ask about her. His hair was a mess, he was pacing the room so much so, that his girlfriend’s daughter asked him what happened. He couldn't tell them, no one knew of this secret internet friend he had. Who was he supposed to contact to file a missing person's report? He tried to calm himself down and think happy thoughts but all his thoughts were Y/N]

[loveshotzz]

All I Really Want Is You

older!neighbor!widower! steve x fem!reader chap six/ten - a slow burn series of blurbs - updated every wednesday

I Don’t Know You, But I Want To

summary: Sometimes curiosity has consequences.

wc: 2.8k

warnings: 18+ series for future chapters, mentions of death, hints on how Steve’s wife died, bouts of self consciousnesses.

authors note: sorry guys, you knew this chapter had to happen. i promise i’ll make up for it! enjoy a few more easter eggs from @carolmunson ‘s orange colored sky in here. I’ve had so much fun talking about these two old men’s friendship with you!

🌇 <- chapter five -> chapter seven

The Masterlist / The Playlist / The Tune:

End of June

You didn’t realize when Steve asked you to water his plants, that he meant in just three short days after the almost kiss in his kitchen. The opposite schedules the two of you seem to always work made it so you hardly got a glimpse of him before he and Bandit disappeared to Starved Rock for what you learned was their annual camping trip.

The Good Morning Tough Girl texts started the next day after your number exchange, waking you up with a kaleidoscope of butterflies twisting and turning in your stomach and a smile so big it made your cheeks hurt. It helped you get over only getting to physically see him one time through your living room window before he left. Your phone had vibrated at your feet while you watered your now flourishing Ivy thanks to the new curtains you were proud to say were installed by yourself. You chanced a glance down at your lit up screen, his name flashing with a text that said: How’d I never realize how pretty my view is from the front yard?

The corners of your mouth twitched, flames licking underneath your cheeks when your eyes caught his out your window. The big dopey smile that took over his face made you giggle as he waved eagerly, dressed nice like he had been the morning you ran into him last week. You wiggled your fingers, biting your bottom lip at the way his dark navy button up looked tucked into the waist of his black slacks. The leather belt looked nicer than the last one, the silver of the buckle blinding in the setting sun. His hair was freshly done, free of any signs of those big hands of his. The stubble on his jaw was gone again, but you learned that was never for very long. 

Another buzz: Going to dinner with a client, wish it was fish tacos with you instead.

Steve feels like he won the lottery when he can see the way your face lights up from his spot in his front yard. Eddie’s voice rings loudly inside his head, sticking to every single one of his negative thoughts like glue telling him it’s okay and he finally starts to believe it, especially when he gets a text back from you.

Maybe next time 😉

It’s thunderstorming the day you go over, the key tucked away in a lockbox by his door. He gave you access by texting the code the night before with a promise to take you to dinner as a thank you when he got back. The nerves that dance inside you feel like they did the first time you came here when you stand in front of the stained glass of his front door even though he’s five hours away. 

It’s quiet, the lively energy from a few nights ago gone with the man. The cedar of his candle still lingers thick in the air and you can’t help but inhale deeply. It smells like him. You leave your shoes and umbrella on his front porch, closing the door gently like you were scared to wake someone up. The pattering of the rain on his windows fills the silence, your shoulders dropping in the serenity. Pulling your phone from your back pocket you look through your texts with the list of the rooms the plants were in. 

Only three — his office and living room on the first floor and his bedroom on the second.  

The coffee white oak floors creak under your socked feet as you take your first apprehensive steps past the entryway. He left the watering can on the kitchen island just like he said he would, your skin pebbles when you’re brought back to the last time you were in here. The sun fights to shine through the thick storm clouds outside, making the lighting that bleeds through his windows soften everything up. The water from the sink hits the metal of the can, mixing perfectly with the rain. 

You wish he was here.

The can is heavy in your hands when you stop at the doorway of the living room, the contents inside sloshing around and daring to spill onto his floor. You curse under your breath with a pause to take in the room you only got a glimpse of before. There’s an electric fireplace, tall black steel that takes up most of the wall next to the sliding glass door that leads to his small backyard. 

Two large beige area rugs cover most of the wood floors in here, a cream frayed trim lining them. Bandit’s bed sits big, fluffy and dark brown nestled by the fireplace, giving him a perfect view out the window. Strands of his lighter hairs leave behind evidence that this might be his favorite spot in the house. A woven basket filled with various chew toys that look freshly tossed in isn’t very far from it. The rain comes down harder but you can still see the spots of lime green littering the grass where the rambunctious German shepherd left his tennis balls. Spoiled.

The cognac color of his leather couch set is rich, and it shines even in the dim lighting like it was freshly lotioned. It looks like the kind of comfortable where the cushions mold against the weight of your body - soft, inviting, the one in the middle looking a little more worn in than the rest. This must be Steve’s favorite spot. 

Your eyes meet the 65” TV mounted to the wall in front of it and realize why. The coffee table matches the dark color of the floors. The candle that was the culprit for the smell of his house sitting in the middle next to three remotes lined perfectly next to each other.

There’s a long, taller companion table that sits at the other doorway that leads back out to the landing of his staircase. Framed pictures, bottles of various liquors of all shades and crystal cocktail glasses cover the top of it. 

What does he think of your place?

You try to push the intrusive thought down as you make your way to the lush Monstera plant that sits in a white pot on top of wooden legs next to the sliding glass door. Its leaves hang heavy, clearly taken care of. The deep emerald of it reminds you of what Steve’s eyes look like sometimes. The soil takes what you give it greedily, barely leaving enough for the few smaller plants that rest on shadow shelves along his gray walls. A few of them make you stand on your tiptoes to reach.

Curiosity wins on your way to refill the can, crossing the room to look at the framed pictures. You aren’t surprised when you see one of Eddie and Bandit as a puppy, it looks like the first day they brought him home. Eddie’s dimples show in a bright smile as he looks at the camera with Bandit’s big bubble gum pink tongue pressed sloppily against a clean shaven cheek.

The other is of Steve and a curly haired boy at a college graduation, they both look like they were caught in the middle of laughing at something. You can’t help your own smile when you look at it. Steve looks a little younger, a little less gray in his hair like it had only just started. He’s wearing wire rim glasses, and that crisp white dress shirt you like him in so much. He looks happy.

The last one is of Steve and Bandit. A selfie taken at sunrise, Bandits tongue sticks out and you swear he’s smiling just like his handsome owner that has him pulled against his side. A part of a tent peaks over his shoulder and you wonder if this is where they’re at right now.

You’re hit with the smell of his cologne when you open his office door, your thighs pressing together when you imagine him sitting in the big black leather chair behind an even bigger, matching colored desk. Glass cased baseball memorabilia takes space on one of his walls, along with plaques of achievements from his job. There’s framed pictures of him shaking hands of baseball players you couldn’t name, but you’re sure a normal person who liked sports could. There’s a tall bookshelf on the other side of the room. The spines all glossed, bright bold wording of sports memoir’s, marketing guides, and what looks like college course advertising books.

The floor of this room is carpeted with the same color as the area rugs in his living room. Your footsteps are a little more careful as you try not to spill any water on it as you make your way to the three hanging spider plants in the window that overlooks his front yard. 

Your nose catches a hint of the cigars you know he smokes as you get closer to his desk. He must keep them in here. A silver closed MacBook sits on top of it, another baseball — only this one is signed and kept safe in a glass case. There's a Polaroid of Bandit with a cubs hat on his head with a laughing Peach barely visible behind him. The obvious closeness of the three of them makes you realize how much he let you into his world the other night. 

A world where he wanted to kiss you.

You curse under your breath when you almost spill water on the carpet, too lost in realization of what this could be.

When you reach your final destination on the second floor, you stop at his closed door. Your hand hovers over the knob, heart hammering so hard in your chest like he was waiting for you on the other side. Taking a deep breath through your nose, you exhale through your lips - willing your nerves to give you mercy. There’s a soft click when you turn the knob and the quietest noise from the hinges when you push it open.

The crisp white of his fluffy duvet that covers his king size bed, mutes the gray of his walls. The olive green throw at the end of it that matches the area rug under the bed, the warmth of the color relaxes your senses. Your breathing evens out, your heart rate slows down. 

There’s another dog bed at the foot of his that matches the one downstairs and you wonder how often Bandit really sleeps in this one at night. The lack of hair on it compared to the other one tells you not very often. Your cheeks tingle fiercely when you see the mirror you got a glimpse of his bare chest through, your eyes quickly finding the bathroom he had come out of. 

“Jesus Christ,” you grumble to yourself, trying to push back the memory while standing alone in his bedroom. 

There’s another Monstera by his window that you can see your bedroom out of. The last one on the list. You have to pass by another large dresser on your way, even more pictures sit on top of it, taking up the space that was left next to a cherry wood watch box. Another cedar candle sits behind the framed pictures, the scent lingering in the air despite not being lit.

The plants take what’s left in the watering can, and you peek out the window just to see what he sees. The navy curtains you’d hung up are half open giving you a perfect glimpse into your room, the pile of dirty laundry you plan to do after this perfectly visible. You gulp audibly.

The can swings loosely in your hand when you walk to the dresser, a smirk already forming on your lips at the thought of what these ones will tell you about him. Your eyes land on one of him in between Eddie and Peach on what seems to be their wedding day, both of them placing sloppy kisses on either cheek. The big dopey grin face doesn’t hide the tear stains. The White Chapel sign behind them tells you it’s Vegas, and the way Steve is dressed as a much sexier Elvis only confirms your suspicions. 

Next to that one is a picture of Steve, only he looks really young- fresh out of high school young. Biting your lip into a smile at the volume of his hair, he’s leaning against a maroon BMW with pants so tight you're sure they made all the girls flustered. You shake your head with a roll of your eyes before taking in the brown curly haired girl sticking her head out of the back seat window. Another girl with honey waves pushing her head out in the small space next to her, you swear you can hear the giggles that are so evident on their faces.

Thunder cracks loudly outside, bringing you back with a jump. You’re dreading the short walk home. You glance out the window wearily before bringing your attention back to the little bit of Steve scattered over the top of his dresser. Then you see it. You see her.

The frame that holds the picture is silver, the words ‘always and forever’ etched across the bottom. It’s taken somewhere tropical and Steve looks like he’s your age in it, his jaw somehow sharper, his hair blonder. His smile is so big it shows all of his teeth, a bright yellow short sleeve button up that makes his skin look golden. The top two buttons undone revealing the chest hair you’d gotten a few glimpses of. He’s glowing. 

She’s just as beautiful, big bright green eyes and dark chestnut hair that falls in effortless curls down to her chest. They look natural, like she didn’t have to do it herself. She’s tucked into his side in what looks like seats in the back of a boat, the coral dress that flows over the curves of her body makes your stomach turn. The big rock on her hand rested purposefully on his chest tells you exactly what this picture is.  

Jealousy twists green in a tight knot inside of you, guilt you weren’t expecting makes you feel nauseous when you see what’s hanging off the corner of the frame. A dark teal rubber bracelet with the words Team ALS Chicago 2022 in white font.

Lightning flashes white hot, making something gleam and catch in the corner of your eye from his watch box. Taking a closer look, the tightening of your chest at what you find makes the air leave your lungs all at once when you see their wedding rings tucked in between the soft white cushions inside the box. 

The reality of the situation hits you like a ton of bricks. Steve had a whole life before he met you. A life with someone beautiful, someone he didn’t fall out of love with, someone who didn’t break his heart, someone who, if things were different he’d still be with.

If you moved next door in that reality, you’d just be someone he’d maybe wave to from time to time, not paying any mind to the thirty year old girl already suffering through a midlife crisis next door. The girl who moved to the city with no friends and no plan. The college drop out. The opposite of the well put together woman that belonged hanging off his chest like that, with a ring on her finger that could pay off your credit card debt and then some.

How can you compete with a ghost? The nagging feeling that you’ll always be second best already stings and he hasn’t even picked you yet.

You try to blink away the tears that threaten to spill out, feeling stupid for being this upset over what started off as a silly crush, it really shouldn’t hurt this much. The cedar that comforted you feels like it's suffocating now. Like he’s here. The thought of bringing the watering can down doesn’t even cross your mind when you leave it on the dresser to make your escape.

The breath that comes out through trembling lips is shaky, still, you're proud of the fact that you haven’t cried yet. 

Tough girl. 

When you open the front door, it's windier than when you first got here, the sun starting its disappearing act for the moon. It makes the summer storm match the one brewing inside of you. You shove your feet into your shoes before pulling the door shut behind you. You lock the key back into the box, before grabbing your umbrella. Your vision goes blurry but you don’t give into it, telling yourself it’s stupid to be so upset. The buzz of your phone in your back pocket is what stops you from taking the first step off his porch. 

Steve

Found a spot with some service on our hike, just wanted to check in. Hope you got into the house okay. Bandit says he misses you.

The dam that you’d worked so hard to build breaks, tears falling down your face like the rain falling from the sky. You sniffle, wiping your cheeks with the back of your hand before you reply to him for what you tell yourself is the last time. It’ll hurt less like this, it’s better for both of you this way. At least that’s what you try to tell yourself before you hit send.

Plants are watered 👍

beta’d by: @superblysubpar

dividers by @newlips

chapter seven

[redtsundere-writes]

Ride or Die | Sukuna Ryomen

big brother!sukuna ryomen x f!reader Sypnosis: Your troublemaker bestie, Yuuji, gets into a fight, so you had to call his big brother, Sukuna, to rescue both. Contents: Yuuji and you are 18. Sukuna is 19. High school/Modern AU. Friends to lovers. “Who did this to you?” vibes. SMUT. MDNI. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. Warnings: Depictions of violence and animal abuse. Word Count: Author's Note: Thanks for helping me pick which fic to write first on my last poll! I hope you guys like it! :3

Sukuna likes you. Yeah, yeah… His ego is so up his ass that he can’t confess his feelings towards you, we all know that. I mean, you are gorgeous, smart, and kind, how could Sukuna not fall in love with you? There’s a problem, though. A pink-haired, stubborn and over-friendly problem. You were Yuuji’s best friend. His little brother’s best friend.

Sukuna knew that Itadori had a big crush on you because you two were inseparable. If he fell for you when you first met, Itadori definitely fell harder. Sukuna knew it by the way his lil bro smiled, giggled and focused on you every time you hang around. Sukuna could be a player, but he wasn’t Mr. Steal-Your-Girl.

One day, Sukuna was taking a nap after work. He was well off until he heard his phone ringing. He picked it and the sleepiness went away once he saw your name lighting on the screen. This was unusual. You sometimes text each other, but the conversation always revolves in Yuuji’s location or well-being. You never called him because you knew how snarky he can be, so you always decided to text him. Naturally, he picked up quickly.

“Yuuji is getting his ass beat! Please, come!” You begged through the phone. That was enough for Sukuna to jump out of the couch and pick his car keys.

Yuuji was always in some kind of trouble. He wasn’t a bad boy, he was more of an avenger. He didn’t want to understand that bad guys just exist in our society without consequences. Yuuji always felt the need to do something about it. He was damn good at fighting, so he used that to give out justice. He usually never needs help kicking ass, but this time it was different.

Yuuji and you were hanging out in a park after classes as usual. Yuuji saw a group of evil guys kicking around a starving dog, so he had to do something about it. The pink fury rushed to punch every single one of them. The thing that Yuuji didn’t count on was that he was out numbered. It was a 5 vs. 1 fight, obviously he couldn’t take them all. You called Sukuna when you saw your friend struggling.

Sukuna drove to the location you sent him, and he saw red once he saw the scene. Yuuji and you were being kicked on the ground by the five guys. You were covering your head with your arms in fetal mode. Don’t worry, the poor dog escaped once he could. You tried to stop them a couple of times, but you were thrown back to the ground. Sukuna didn’t hesitate to jump in and starting knocking out high schoolers.

Sukuna spit on the pile of dipshits once he finished the job. “I hate dealing with kids” he groaned, even thought he is just a year older. Sukuna kneel by your side to help you stand up. You were covered in dirt, bruises, and shame. He kept asking you if everything move correctly as you stood up, holding you by under your elbows. Sukuna was still shaking in anger but tried to stay calm.

“What the fuck you were thinking?! You can’t just start fights for damn dogs like that!” Sukuna screamed at Yuuji once all of you got in the car.

“But they were kicking the poor doggy!” Yuuji screamed back. You were just staying still on the backseat.

“I don’t give a shit about the reason! Y/n’s safety is your priority every time you hang out! Fight whoever you want alone, but when she is around, no fighting! Do you hear me, little shit?” He asked, furious. Yuuji looked briefly at how hurt you ended up. He hates to admit it, but his big bro was right. He save a dog but put you in risk instead. Yuuji nodded in understanding and Sukuna started the engine.

Sukuna drove you to their house. After getting his bruises treated, Yuuji went straight to his room to sleep off the pain. You were left alone with Sukuna. This wasn’t the first time. When Sukuna was still a senior in high school, you used to hang out with both siblings often. Sometimes you ate at McDonald’s with both, other times you would just study with Yuuji alone, and a few times you would walk home with Sukuna.

Sukuna tapped the top of the kitchen counter so he could treat your bruises. You obeyed and let him do his thing. He asked you how you were doing in your senior year, and you asked him how he was doing at his job as a guard at a local club. It was a while since you two talked alone.

Maybe you were used to hanging out alone, but you weren’t used to feeling each other so close. Sukuna was in awe while rubbing your smooth and tender skin with the ointment. He never thought of feeling you in this way. It was a bummer that the first time touching you so tenderly was in a situation like this.

“Do you like Yuuji?” he asked boldly while rubbing ointment in your arm. You blushed upon the sudden question.

“Why would you ask that?” you asked, confused.

“I always wondered if you and Yuuji were just friends, you know, since you are always together” Sukuna asked without making eye contact with you. Not because he was focused on treating you, but because he was too afraid of your answer. You felt so good under his touch, he didn’t want to hear that your heart belong to his little brother.

“We are always together because he needs backup sometimes. We are just ride or die, like you and I” Sukuna paused for a second and looked up at you after hearing that statement.

“We are?” He smirked.

“Duh. I’m always there when you need me, and you are there for me” You explained. Sukuna grabbed some more ointment and rubbed a bruise on your thigh. He used the opportunity to knead your whole thigh with his big hand.

“For anything I need?” He asked in a seductive purr. Sukuna grabbed both of your thighs and slowly started to split them. You blushed after deducing what he wanted from you.

“Anything” You declared before taking a leap of faith. You took his face in your hands and kissed him. He felt like he was melting under your touch. He was a living fire, and you were the only one who could extinguish it.

We know Sukuna was crazy for you, but he didn’t want to admit it. He wasn't the only one, though. You were crazier for him. Yeah, you like to hang out with Yuuji, but you loved being alone with Sukuna. He was a player and a bad boy during high school, but you noticed he was nice only with you. He would buy you drinks out of nowhere, walk you home when Yuuji couldn’t and recommend you bands you might like. For the longest time, you thought that he only did those things because you were Yuuji’s best friend.

Now, that Sukuna was sticking his tongue inside your mouth while rubbing your pussy over your panties, you knew how liked you back. Maybe not for a serious relationship, but you didn’t give a damn right now. He made you feel so good, like no one has ever before.

Sukuna was drifting into madness every time your knee brushed past his pumping bulge. His dick just wanted to rip his pants so he could be felt by you. Sukuna pulled you closer by your thighs while devouring your lips desperately. You pushed yourself closer to him to wrap your arms around his neck and pushed your breast on his chest.

Sukuna pulled your underwear to the side to finger you good. You let out a moan but stopped once you remembered that Yuuji was on his room, and you were openly getting finger fucked in the kitchen by his older brother. Sukuna noticed that, and he challenged himself to make you moan his name out loud. You bit your lower lip to restrain yourself, but his long fingers reaching your deep end made it really difficult to do so.

“Fuck, you are so damn wet” he whispered on your ear while rubbing your wet clit in circles. You tried to close your thighs, but Sukuna made sure to keep them open for them.

“Sukuna, I want you in so bad” you moaned as low as you could. Sukuna didn’t need another queue to pull his cock out. It was big, a throbbing. Sukuna dreamed about this moment since Yuuji presented you. He couldn’t stop looking at your beautiful face, your plump thighs and adorable breasts.

He carefully put your panties to the side and stuck his dick inside of you. You both moan in a whisper once he slowly pushed all the way in. He started thrusting slowly to make sure to not hurt you more with all those bruises. He was moving slow but still passionate, making sure you could feel every inch of his thick cock.

Your toes curled every time Sukuna thrust in you. He felt better than you thought. You hide your face in the crook of his neck and bite his shoulder to stay quiet. “You are so fucking tight, bestie” he groaned under his breath.

His thrusts speed up once Sukuna made sure he wasn’t hurting you. He pulled your legs up so he could dig deeper in your insides. You covered your face with your arm and just take it like a big girl. “Oh Sukuna I can’t take it any longer” you whispered.

“I am about to cum too, baby” Sukuna grunted before orgasm at the same time. His thick milk swayed in your insides. You smacked his chest as a scold. “Sukuna, what the fuck!” you muffle.

“I’m sorry, it’s not my fault you felt so good” he smirked. After cleaning you and himself up, he drove to the closest pharmacy to buy Plan B.

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Masterlist.

[alessiamalfoyzabini]

Dark Moon | Chapter Eleven

Pairing | yandere!Jimin x Reader

Word Count | 2,7k

Warnings | 18+, a lot of guilt, beginning of Stockholm syndrome, blood, kidnapping, violence, insults and beatings, torture, hints of abuse and trauma, MC is bound with handcuffs, Jimin understands what to do, don't interact if you are a minor or the yandere genre is not for you.

This fanfiction is yandere, if you don't like the genre, don't read and if you are not of age, don't read.

I don't want to hear any complaints in the comments, thank you.

This does not reflect my way of thinking or living at all, it is just a work of fiction, it is like watching a horror movie, many of us love horror movies, but we would never dream of what we see in those movies happening in reality as well.

Simply put, this story was written for entertainment purposes, it should not be seen as a reflection of my values, opinions or morals. I absolutely do not condone such acts.

⤷ Summary | She just wanted to escape her past, take charge of her life and break out of her steel cage, praying in God for a miracle that could change her life for good.

And her prayers were heard, but it was not the Divine that answered her.

That was certainly the devil in the guise of an angel, she thought as those corrupted and empty eyes searched her soul with extreme voracity.

He turned a sweet, false smile on her, before pushing her into the abyss.

➢ Author's Note | Hi, guys ❤️ After the last chapter full of twists and turns, here is what happened next, let me know what you think, it is very important to me ❤️🥰

Taglist: @katherine-kookie, @dragons-flare, @m00njinnie, @seokjins-luigi, @pjmsneverland, @jimincrystal, @ajkwww, @ungodlyjoon, @hecateslittlewitchling, @namjoonsbuspass, @darkuni63, @xicanacorpse, @jiminismine4ever

Taglist is open!

Chapter List - Previous - Next

It had been days, she could always hear someone in the house, someone leaving food behind the door, giving her time to take the food and then closing it again.

It was definitely one of Jimin's companions, it was nice that they didn't want to starve her, a little less that they didn't inform her about Jimin's condition.

Was he okay? Was he serious? Would he recover?

He was her kidnapper, he had separated her from her younger sister, he had bought and raped her, but she couldn't help thinking about him, she felt guilty, she felt like a monster. She thought she was better than him and then...

She shook her head, looking around.

It was a nice room, perfect for a young woman like her, he had not made her lack anything, she had no complaints about that, plus she did not have to lower herself for other men.

Maybe... maybe if she had accepted her new life earlier nothing bad would have happened, Jimin would not have forced her to take him like that and she consequently would not have stabbed him in that mental blackout she had locked herself in.

Now she was all about the unknown that made her legs shake.

She had a bath in her room, she had washed herself in panic, staring at the blood mixing with the water in the drain with horror, she still felt dirty despite all the showers she had taken, that memory would remain indelible in her mind forever.

Suddenly she became aware of other noises outside her room, at first she thought it was always the man's friends, but the voices they started to discuss were too loud, usually they were quite quiet, this time it seemed different.

She squinted at the door with a bad feeling in her stomach, she clutched at it more tightly as the handle began to jiggle, after all the room was closed and the Bangtans knew it, and now she was certain, it was not the Bangtans.

She nervously picked up the first object she came across, a frame depicting a sunset, and hid it behind her.

The doorknob stopped moving for a few moments, then a terrible thud made her wince with her heart in her throat.

The door opened slowly and fuck, she felt naked under the dark eyes of the two men who were squaring her from head to toe.

One of them whistled in surprise as he entered the room.

"From a locked door in Park Jimin's house, I expected money, weapons ... important documents, and instead we find a harmless, trembling little girl."

The comrade sneered, "Little girl? I only see Park Jimin's personal whore, bro," he also entered, coming dangerously close to her, who clutched her improvised weapon behind her back, "If he's keeping her here and not in that brothel it means she must have a magic pussy."

"He's got it all to himself," agreed, "What do you say, honey, you let us taste it? We won't hurt you."

"Go to hell, both of you," she huffed like a cat, causing the two men to laugh.

"After we disembowel you a little," he hummed, coming just close enough to make the young woman tense up in a bundle of nerves, she felt with disgust the man's breath on her neck, but it was not the right time. Even if she had hit him, the other was blocking the exit.

"Is that how you talk to a woman when you plan to fuck her?" she asked nauseatedly.

"Only when that woman opens her thighs to a human garbage like your man," that phrase directed at Jimin made her light up inside.

"Maybe you're referring to you and your partner," she spat acidly, the smiles disappeared from their faces, and soon the latter came dangerously close as well, slapping her in the face that for a few moments made her breathless.

"Watch what you say, for a prostitute you talk too much," he hissed, making her smile.

"And you for a thief are a real idiot," she said, leaving them interjected, but it didn't last long.

With a lightning snap of her arm she violently shattered a corner of the frame in the head of the first man who had approached, the sensation of an object in her hands penetrating the flesh of something alive was not new to her, the only difference was that she enjoyed listening to the screams of that swine, the companion from his side tried to grab her badly, but she ducked just enough to run out, toward the front door.

With relief she noticed that no one had changed the access code, she did not know how those two had managed to get in, but she still knew how to get out. She had mentally jotted down the code as Jimin used it to get out, remembering the movements of his fingers when he thought he was not seen, she had come to guess the sequence of numbers.

134340.

She ran out of the apartment amid the screams and curses of the two of them, looking around she noticed that everything had been meticulously cleaned of Jimin's blood, trying not to think about it because the idea almost made her lose her strength, she took the emergency exit again, this time she went through it, without anyone stopping her, everything was familiar and different at the same time.

She exited the building finding herself in the quiet and isolated neighborhood she had seen that first and only time, if she had followed the path perhaps she would have found someone who could-

"What?" she said before collapsing to the ground holding her head, she stared up wordlessly, a man older than her was staring at her with indifference.

He had hit her hard on the head, small white dots invaded her vision.

"Minhyun! Did you get her?!"

The man's face filled with annoyance, he turned to the other, who had previously been chasing her, reproachfully.

"Don't shout my name like that, you idiot."

"Sorry, but this bastard pissed me off, she broke Jae's head!" he said irritably, looking at her with hatred.

"Who would that be?" the older man did not seem to care about his colleague's condition, rather he was more interested in her.

"I don't know, I think she is the bitch who opens her legs for Jimin in the house."

The man named Minhyun smiled lasciviously.

"If she is the bitch I think she is, the boss will be very happy."

After that, Y/N definitely lost consciousness.

"I want to know everything about her, Namjoon.... Family ties, friendships, educational qualifications, every fucking thing."

"Jimin..."

"Even if she gave us a false name you still took blood from her and took her fingerprints when she arrived, didn't you? Use those to trace her family, they must live here, she and her sister were running from someone."

Maybe he had gone crazy, he just had to think about recovering since seeing himself in a hospital bed depressed him disgustingly, but he couldn't stop thinking about her and the last words they had said to each other.

Something bad must have happened to her to bring up such a trauma, a trauma that had caused her to alienate herself from reality, managing to hurt him in that way.

He was not the most empathetic person in the world, but he knew how to recognize the symptoms of past abuse, something that happened in childhood. Oh, he knew that kind of thing very well....

Namjoon for his part would have liked to beat up his friend, he was as pale as a corpse and the clinic uniform didn't really suit him, he still had machines attached to his body with tubes to measure his oxygen levels and the health of his physique in general, but even in that condition he hadn't stopped for a moment, barking orders to his comrades and intimating them not to touch that girl, and to take care of her during his absence.

"She almost killed you."

"That was not her intention," he replied confidently and determinedly, shocking the other man once again, "I forced my hand too much, her reaction was also all too understandable," he laughed bitterly, shaking his head; he had already had her by force several times, but that had been too much.

"Why do I have the feeling that if it had been someone else, you would have tortured and killed without thinking about it?"

Jimin did not answer, because it was all true.

Finally, the older man sighed wearily, "All right, I'll dig into her past even though the tests we do are only to see if the girls are healthy, not to spy on their past lives, and the fingerprints are only to find them in case they escape," he pointed out, as if to say that that would just be extra work.

"I thank you, Nam."

The latter made to leave the room, but the door was pushed open first by a rather nervous Jungkook.

"Jungkook? I didn't think you would come today, weren't you busy with your students?"

"Hyung..." there was guilt in his gaze, Jimin and Namjoon looked at him with confusion, "It's about Y/N, Taehyung hyung called and said she's missing" maybe it hadn't been a good idea to tell the person concerned, but they all knew that if Jimin didn't learn about it right away, he would create chaos.

Jimin, if possible, whitened even more than before, questions, thoughts and horrible scenarios began to swirl in his head.

"Did she escape? How did she do that?" asked Namjoon, astonished, but the younger man shook his head.

"There are signs of burglary in the house and the door handle of her room was broken from the outside to get in, Taehyung and his team also found a frame with blood on it."

Jimin's heartbeats increased exponentially, the machine signaled the sudden increase in the heart sequence, he was pissed, no, he was furious and fucking worried too.

"Jimin!"

"Get me out of here!" he exclaimed as he began to peel off all those tubes and the IV.

"Stop! You're not in the right condition to-"

"Now!" he thundered with a black abyss in his wide, crazed eyes, "Warn Seokjin, immediately! I want you to find her now, immediately!"

It was his fault, damn.

He had left her alone with his comrades, comrades who would rather see her die than look after her, he felt somehow lost.

Why?

Why would the idea that she might be hurt destroy him? What had happened to him during all that time they had spent together?

There was something about her that reminded him of himself, perhaps that was why he had raged so hard against her; she was naïve, weak, desperate, and broken, qualities that had doomed Jimin in the past, he hated weakness, and she should not allow herself to feel it, because she was surely like all the others, she was like that woman, and he could not allow himself to get involved with Y/N, even though she seemed the opposite of everything he had become accustomed to over the years to protect himself from feelings.

But he wanted now... he wanted to have her back in his arms, to hold her as he had never done before... why did he want to do all this just when the irreparable had happened?

It had all been wasted time, his piling on her because of his demons suddenly seemed like bullshit to him.

Namjoon saw that change and sensed how things really were. He, like the others, had witnessed what had happened to Jimin and how he had started to react to fight his demons, but Y/N was the exception, she made Jimin feel new emotions, emotions that his friend had always shied away from in the past, she was different.

"Jungkook, prepare your team as well, Choi Minho has crossed the line," he said harshly, the other nodded casting a cautious glance at Jimin. He held his head in his hands, not daring to show his face, otherwise they would have been all too clear about his torment.

"Welcome back among us, princess."

Y/N opened her eyes with difficulty, a terribly bright light was shot straight into her face, her wrists and ankles were burning, and her parched throat gave her no respite.

Shortly thereafter her lucidity returned and she finally became aware of her condition.

She was tied to a metal table, arms and legs immobilized in a position that made her at the mercy of everyone.

"Fuck you," was the first thing she said when she recognized Minho; it was only an instant and a fist slammed violently against her jaw, causing her to roll her eyes in the back of her head from the overwhelming, suffocating pain.

She had tasted Jimin's hands in more than one way, but never had his blows been so beastly.

She stood before a true heartless beast.

"Go away, Minhyun! You didn't mean to offend me, did you, love?" the smile on Minho's face contrasted with the stoic expression of the man who had managed to capture her, but Y/N knew, they were perfectly the same.

"Jimin will kill you," he said with difficulty, remembering the hatred that leaked out of the Moor when he had met Minho.

The latter snickered harshly.

"For a little bitch like you? Don't make me laugh," but Y/N shook her head bitterly.

She knew Jimin was not interested in her up to that extent; he himself was probably thinking about how to take her down, only to learn of her disappearance with a bored snort.

"No, not for me... You sent your people to his house, his territory, and if you remember correctly he didn't react in the best way when you showed up at the Dark Moon, let alone how he might react now," she giggled, a deep bruise was already taking shape on her abused face.

Minho lost his smile, "You seem to know him more than you want to admit, how about telling me more? Think about it, tell us about Jimin and the Bangtans, and I will give you back your freedom."

Crazy bastard.

She had traded her freedom for money, once at the Dark Moon you never leave it again except in a sack. The woman was not stupid, Minho's promises were the promises of a greedy, lying snake, but she would not be his Eve.

"I have nothing to say about that."

"We'll see about that, baby," with a fairly clear glance at Minhyun, Minho walked out of the place that was dark to her, but to which she would soon become accustomed.

"You made the wrong choice, bitch," the man said as he grabbed her throat, "Park Jimin must have trained you well, but you'll collapse with me," he hit her in the face again.

And then again, and again, and again.

She wriggled through her tears trying to dodge his blows that meanwhile came to injure every area of her body, her wrists and ankles continued to rub against the handcuffs until they flayed her thin skin, causing blood to spill.

She gasped for breath, gasped for air under those heavy and cruel hands, hands of a man who knew no mercy; she had already been under similar hands in her childhood and cried more for that wickedness.

She fainted and came to several times, each time with the same question breathed on her face.

"Where is Park Jimin?"

And each time always the same answer pushed between her teeth.

"Fuck you."

She imagined Jimin was at that clinic where she had been admitted, but she did not know the exact spot, and even if she did, she would not tell him.

Even if she was suffering worse than a dog, she would not give up the pleasure of ruining that monster's expectations.

"You really don't care about your life, do you?"

Y/N laughed with blood at her mouth, what life?

Had she ever had one in the first place?

She had lost her innocence too soon, snatched away by a man identical to Minhyun.

Y/N had been wrong; Jimin was not the monster.

"Perhaps using another method will convince you?"

Minho came out of the shadows of the room, had he entered when she was unconscious?

"I hate to see a beautiful woman in this condition," he sighed in annoyance before approaching further.

He lasciviously caressed the chest of the young woman, who was invaded by nausea immediately.

"We'll pick up where that bastard left off, okay?"

[herejusttosufferalong]

Ehhh totally understand if you don't post this because it's depressing af. I'm choosing violence today. I was awash with lovey dovey feelings for our couple after re-watching L&N interviews, re-watching B3, re-watching BTS footage. I was full to the brim with LOVE. These guys had me in a choke-hold. Actually had me reviewing and reflecting on my life and relationships, adding so much joy and self-acceptance, reflecting on my self-worth, improving my world view. Allowing me to breathe in deeply, and expand myself in ways I didn't expect it to.

BUT yesterday was a mess. For so many reasons, not just because of L&N-related content. There were some bad vibes circulating. Then I made a really poor life decision last night. I decided to do some stalking of third parties, which I don't normally do. And of course, it had to be the night where said parties were posting and I saw all things unfolding in real time. My predictions were coming true in real time. It was like the granting of a wish in reverse. And look, I'm not naive to think that these things aren't happening, but when you see it unfold in front of you, it just hits differently. These people are so. fkn. toxic. It drains the life from me. The same occurred this morning when I awoke to see a timeline of HBS. I knew about it, but seeing it, with receipts, fkn disgusted me to my core. It was a visceral reaction. All of a sudden, what looked cute and puppy dog became unsafe and ugly. My empathy dissolved. The thing that gave me the most discomfort was the possible connection to the young dancer who was in B3. It made me think such awful things. (the worst being, is he just a fuck boy who was starved during tour?).

But why, why does it have such an effect? I don't interact with these people, no real relationship. So why? I think because we have been sold a certain narrative, through B3 and the press tour, that being authentic, having depth, focusing on 'the real bones' of people is paramount. Beyond the aesthetic. 'The truth will set you free' kind of thinking, right? And here we have the literal antithesis to that. People who promote and value aesthetic over substance. People who are egocentric and appear to have a very limited worldview. People you expect more from given they sold that 'depth narrative' looking you in the eye. People who are old enough to know better. People who choose to surround themselves with younger folk so that personal growth is disallowed. People who care more about their shallow life fulfillment, their hedonistic desires, than the feelings of others whom they purport to love and care about. People who hide behind ignorance, as if that negates them from consequence. The stereotype celebrity. It's truly deflating. I expected so much more.

And my original thinking of 'oh it's ok, he needs to grow and learn from his mistakes, he needs to find himself...", well, I'm finding it more and more difficult to believe. Because why give him grace? Why is he deserving of grace? Because he acted real well? What does he add to society? What do these fked up people add to this already fked up world? You've got N literally changing a whole landscape, waving her wand and creating light in darkness, urging us to think deeply while laughing at the same time. And no, we don't all possess that kind of magic, but hell, shouldn't we all be striving to be authentic, kind, thoughtful people? Shouldn't we try to promote these things if we believe in them?

Look, in this life, people are always showing you who they really are, telling you exactly what they value, what fills them up, and it's up to us to really look and listen. I'm disappointed in myself for not properly seeing what was in front of me all this time... You can't change those who do not want to be changed. My respect and my fucks given need to be earned, and honestly, we need to reflect on our own self-respect if we are willing to fawn over or idolise someone undeserving. As always, I have hope for people, but I'm no longer holding my breath.

Please, give me that Xanax and wake me up when September ends.

#fkeverything #ohthereyouareteenangst

.

[callmecrazy4u2]

Take A Dip into Dreamland- NSFW Readerx Jealous!Jing Yuan Honeymoon in Penacony Part 2 Honkai Star Rail

Jing Yuan x Newlywed! Reader

Tags: Flirting. bath sex. mention of voyeurs, jealous jingyuan, Yandere Newlywed couple. Childhood sweethearts. Friends before lovers. Sweet & Spicy. Teasing. Horny Jing Yuan. Thigh Riding. Love bites. Office newlywed smut at the end. Bit of pleasure pain dynamics. Political power play undercurrent. General x Judge. Can be read as reader but written 3rd person with dusk based oc sister of dan feng ten commission lord judge in mind.

----

"Jing Yuan are you jealous?" teased Wife! Reader, incredulous and teasing in her tone.

Jing Yuan was the premier bachelor on the loufu. Hands down. However, here on Penacony with so many men competing for her attention… he was on guard head pressed between her neck unhindered by

The curious stares only increased his pride as a beautiful couple with hers as his. However, the one the men gave her were not so welcome....

“So, what if I’m how will you make it up to me? He hummed lazily and good-naturedly plopping his head between her neck and shoulder blade while holding her possessively from behind as his warning sign to all other men.

"Hmm I can think of few ways..."

-After they entered thier hotel room in penacony Smut begins-

Ah there’s no bed.

No problem, We'lls make do " Siad Jing Yuan his voice going low as he cornered her to wall so she fell back on one of the side couches.

Already? Shee Teased

"I deserve it being good boy, while in the span of checking in, you flirted with four men."

"I want nobody else, I choose you always and forever " She murmurs playing with his tie before slipping it off, and straddling him her arm around his neck as they kissed.

"I wanted to introduce them to lighting lord." he playfully bit out half in jest.

Oh and how will you smash them with lightning Wielding Thunder Clapping Spirit Squashing Lord ?"

Until nothing is left but me to choose" Jingyuan murmured skimming and slipp off her dress.

Fool like I would choose anyone else. That’s not necessary and you know it. she leaned din bopped nose playfully before being consumed in another kiss

They might think otherwise... They were looking at you hungrily... they barely concealed" how they wanted you growled

Honey you might be projecting and only you have me.

Dear, you signed up for this so suffer the consequences….

Oh Show me command sitting back Start of hoeymone h=healoys jong yua

I’m starving a good start to honeymoon don’t you think.

As you wish…

She she kiised straddled and slowly disrobed herself layer by layer on his lap like opening present his favorote her eyes hooded fixed on his equally tned on how he stared predatorily with his golden eye not missing a movemevt folling the lines of her curves and.

Don’t falter …your beautiful. I’ll show you~” he said grasping a hand to pull toward his mouth and sweetly kissiung it I cannot wait to devour you..

You know it’s a real shame there is no bed but we have a bathtub instead he said

We ah cannot - knowing where his shameless mind was drifting towards.

“we’ll expose ourselves and fall asleep then our fun will end do you want that ?” she said as deterant determed to tae charge to keep him from doing what he was imagining.

Might be fun~ land of dreams so I could do anything to you there? Darkly insinuated jing yuan as he rubbed against her and standing up suddenly holding her up seated still attached. And conncted to each other warmth.

Show everyone your mine. now were married we don’t have to hide ~ a

He bent her over every surface from the wall, to the couch, table, any surface of the room. Heat colliding meeting in passion.

ah I want to dominate and destroy you…

He was riled up with lust for her. His competitive side acting  to show her he was better than all those guys daring to flirt with her.

0000 land of dreams

Before she knew it he was/ Dipping her naked form over edge of bathtub hovering above the shinypastal pale baby blue and lavender liquid. The reflecting water mirroring his mischief grin,

Hmm why don’t we take a Dip and show everyone? our union hmm?" Jing Yuan hummed playfully eyes dark.

Don’t you dare! she cried Face flaring up in embarrassment ever stickler to the rule to not go nude. Lest the dreamland residents see them completely naked and in such compromised position surely would ruin their reputations.

Despite, it being an open secret on the loufu that her and the general were fucking. Even when the affair was supposedly a secret before their marriage.

Though she sometimes wondered if he got a kick out the forbidden nature of sneaking snatched moments of pleasure when they could between working hours.

 .....Against the desk and their office usually but once scandalously in a closet

and once under his desk when innocent yanqing was giving a report....

Luckily the poor boy never noticed thier misadventures

Just that the general was under the weather flushed from her carefully concealed administrations under the desk....

…she let him get away with too much honestly . She was often swept up in his gallantry when Jing Yuan was nothing was hungry lion…which let them now to this…

"Hmm what are you thinking? Eyes on me "Jing Yuan commanded as tilted her chin to meet his damnable gold eyes melting with love despite the teasing and his beauty mark accenting his eyes.

"Don’t you feel good? " Jing Yuan purred as he wrapped his tie around her hands jerking her forward onto his lap

Their breath intermingling as he bent closer ghosting her lips before claiming her lips in a bruising angry kis toques tangling and battling for dominance,

The slick appendage writhed and intertwined until he pinned her down and she melted in his arms. Having captured his prey as he stood up suddenly. Holding her up connected in the sitting position as he rutted into her wildly his arm braced against the wall.

He was to one who married to her despite the strict conservative tradition ad loopholes the had to work around to get married.

All the waiting yearning and sneaking around leading to this moment for them only. The precuios vidyhara princess on her knees for him shaking with need & want for him

“You are so pretty my ruined princess so good for me” he murmured . Her body arched over the glistening water exposed and vulnerable to his ministrations. As he bent her to his will softy, easily, and pliably arm pinned to the other side porcelain tub. A vice grip while he pounded her from behind in a steady wild rhythm

“Sweetly asleep in a dream while I fuck you” darkly intoned jing yuan eyes dark at the thought

Love drunk without reason. His hair flying framing his face sweat slicked both as they exerted themselves in the acts of love.

"Not knowing why you are feeling so good coming undone in front of unsuspecting bystanders " Jing Yuan dirty talked painting the picture eof her undone before an audience. With him being the sole reason for her ruffled and flushed state.

“More like ah-arrested” she protested futile her head swimming with pleasure

ii

Jing Yuan groaned lost in pleasure and sinking into her warmth. Sucking him in in grip of the soft walls to violent ministrations. Water sloshed from the bathtub from the wild rhythm of his thrusts.

“Hm, you have some favor with the family though don’t you?" Jing Yuan teased, derisive and teasing.

"You pervert- it’s not ah what you think-

"No? ohhh so you entertained the family in the past… like this on my lap squirming like whore? " He talked dirtily as thrust up angrily.

Or perhaps that ipc man mad you debt pay back with your body?

Or are you anxious to be arrested by the bloodhound punished perhaps?

Mhh your wet at thought though I think you like it h. oh what do I think

 You are such a tease! she snapped flustered angry too embarrassed to answer of dignify with her history at his words.

“Hah I see then I’ll overwrite any previous encounters “he chuckled bemused and satiated.

He purred as he kissed her neck long, langouraoulsy, sweetly to the sharp contrast of his staccato thurst / Jing Yuan holding her arm roughly and thrusting into her as she leaned on him helplessly to avoid falling in the tub.

Enough. Take it out on me, but don’t drag others into this.

Only me only I can ruin you. ing Yuan commended as he pounded into her a steady rhtym

Only ah...if its… you she dazed overcome by pleasure she echoed  sheepishly oh what

Say it clearly my dear he teased eyes fixed o her's so she blushed

"General Jing yuan..ah only you can  ah ruin me"

Show them how you open up for me . he cooed as she got wetter and redder in embarrassment

"but you only one fucking me now and forever " she brashly countered irritated that he thought she was thinking of other men as she bucked back meeting his thrusts.

“Yes mine, all mine.” Jing Yuan cooed kissing her hand and letting down her legs so they could meet more intimately. He intertwined fingers a sign that all was forgiven eyes softening.

“you you wouldn’t- ah don’t you dare drop me” Pushing back futile in protest only maing him sink further into her warm walls as she gasped in pleasure

“Don’t you know? How much hah… I love you. They cannot have you. “

“They don’t deserve such a sight.” Flushed ruined stuffed with his seed panting. Face flushed, hair undone, soaked with need for him. Hooded eyes devoured her.

Funny afterword opps we slipped…

Opps we slipped with a laugh both wet and like dog cheerful eager

get out this instant I don’t want to be naked in a dreamscape! ! panicked dawn

as the kady command dutifully moved to retruve her

"Don’t worry. I only want to admire your beauty alone~ I wouldn’t expose you to others. " he said gallantly picking her up form the tub and wrapping a towel around her . Jing yuan princess carried in his arms and to the couch to cleanup and sleep now as the solution made them both drowsy.

---

After Care

Jing Yuan yawned and settled her on his lap to cuddle on the couch " "Now shall we continue afterwards??"

"Not now I need a nap…God your jealousy is monumental" She sighed.

"Just for you and as princess desires~ I could do with a cat nap. How was it by the way you need anything? "Jing Yuan asked ever the gentleman looking out for aftercare, as if he didn’t tease and torture her moments before .

After a bit of cleaning up on both sides. From massaging hair dry with toweling and teasing during cleanup they ckeanup

He returned with a chaste kiss.

Not too rough, I didn’t use my safe word, but I hope to Lan no one saw us naked in the dreamscape…you could destroy building wioth your thing she joked

Hmm well I destroyed you all right

s-shut up tsundere embarssed as he chuckled and they exhcnaged a chaste kiss before cuddling and dozed off to sleep. Thier issues now resolved and fucked out.   for now.

Y’know I find lovesick consensual lovemaking with a hint of jealousy and I’m mad about you vibes sexy ~

Yo is it yandere when you both are yandere for each other?

Or is that mutual lovesickness and a normal loving lovesick relationship

Maybe I’m delusional, but who wouldn’t want to love someone so much they would die or kill for them when it came down to it?

[cryptidorchid]

I’ve seen people say that Zeus was teaching Odysseus to stop being so prideful. And I just. Don’t see it? Like Zeus came down there over the cow being killed, which Odysseus straight up didn’t do. (And even if he did, I still wouldn’t agree because the decision was based in hunger not pride) And Zeus making him choose to sacrifice his men to save himself didn’t tell him anything about himself he didn’t already know. He already sacrificed 6 of them. He been knew.

Like, if we’re talking about Odysseus’ ego, I think the situation with Scylla is a better example for thinking he can get away with sacrificing 6 of his men with no consequences. His men are his source of power. He has power because his men listen to him. So the sacrifice thing really shows that he’s not respecting the fact that his power was given to him by other people and can just as easily be taken away. But even then, Zeus contradicts this by giving him that choice, essentially validating sacrificing his crew as a way of keeping himself alive. Because Odysseus’ real power is being the gods’ specialest lil guy.

But you know who I really think got humbled during Thunder Bringer? Eurylochus. To lead a mutiny implies that you think you would be a better leader than the current one. But look at what happened with Eurylochus in charge. Odysseus wakes up and the crew is starving. They’re still in a shitty situation, like they were in with Odysseus, and Eurylochus is planning to risk pissing off a god to deal with it. This is exactly the same decision Eurylochus warned Odysseus against and Odysseus shutting him down is probably at least partially a reason for Eurylochus opening the wind bag. But now Odysseus is warning him and Eurylochus does it anyway. Eurylochus is not doing any better than Odysseus as captain. And then when the consequences come, Eurylochus looks to Odysseus for help! Like, I can not think of a clearer expression of failure than asking the guy who you overthrew to take up leadership again to save everyone from your mistake. And then, after all that, the mutiny ended up being worse than useless because the whole point was to stop Odysseus from sacrificing the crew! And Eurylochus’ decision ended putting Odysseus in another situation where he would do exactly that! And through it all, the god who came down to punish them for Eurylochus’ crime won’t even acknowledge Eurylochus’ existence!

(to be clear, I don’t think Eurylochus and the crew were wrong to mutiny. Odysseus got what was coming to him with that but I do think Eurylochus got absolutely humbled trying to lead in Odysseus’ place)

[hermit-frog]

Something I don't get is WHY Armand didn't try to save Louis. And WHY did he save Louis from the coffin if he intented Louis to die on stage?? Is it just cowardice or am i missing something here?

Have literally two posts about why Armand didn't try to save Louis, guys do at least some minimum research, + rewatch the ep.

Have already shared my take on why Armand had released Louis out of the “banishment” but unfortunately for you, i still got few thoughts.

Louis was supposed to go with Claudia, burning alive in one or two minutes is much better than a slow, agonizing death. I know that Armand's inaction in the 70s was basically torture and punishment, but in this case Armand is the one aching with remorse, rightfully so (unlike 70s Louis). It was haunting him, the screams, the image of Louis, someone he loves, lying there in his claustrophobic darkness, starving and grieving, losing his mind. I find it interesting how Louis' starvation had fed Armand's guilt. I'm afraid you can't disassociate your way out of this one, Mandy. He couldn't take it.

Armand might be the strongest in the coven, but ironically, he is also one of the weakest. I mean, for god’s sake, he got played by Sam (and later Rashid and Daniel. cringefail lmao but it's not about that, it's about his psychological state). If we can trust Santiago (him being the mastermind) and the plot, that Armand wasn't actually pulling the strings since the beginning, like in the books, but was indeed given an ultimatum, then he's more pathetic panicked wet 🥺 loser than i had expected, lol. If Armand was in fact outcasted, humbled and humiliated, it made him extra vulnerable and sensitive to be around Louis, witnessing his pain was too much to bear. I 100% believe that Armand loved Louis. That theory going around that Armand was only with Louis to piss off Lestat, yeah, hate that. Lestat🤝Y'all attempting olympic level gymnastics in order to make everything about Lestat. No, thank you.

Idk how close to the truth Assad is in this interview, but if he's right, then i suppose there's little to no room for speculation behind Armand's actions at that moment. There could've been a theory (maybe there is) that Armand had used Louis like Lestat “You let it happen?” “Yes.” “You led him there, so he could destroy it.”, in this case to get his power back, but had miscalculated Louis' mind state, what he's capable of when blinded by rage and revenge. Resulting with him sitting on the ashes of his previous life, and having no option but to go with Louis.

But i don't like it, it doesn't make sense. Daniel ponders: “Thirteen to one. Maybe you were hedging your bets? See who emerges from the ash heap.” Armand had released Louis, and later when faced with consequences couldn't kill him again. To love him, to betray, to witness the trial, to hear Louis scream and suffer… Could Armand do it after everything they had, after the brutal betrayal that took Louis' daughter? Was Louis' determination to avenge Claudia and sacrifice himself in the process a turning point for Armand, just like in the tunnels? Armand couldn't attempt to kill Louis for the 3rd time, so he just let him.

Indeed the entire theatre paid for his grief and his rage, and justly so perhaps. I can make no judgment. I did not love those decadent and cynical French mummers. Those I had loved, and those who I could love, were, save for Louis de Pointe du Lac, utterly beyond my grasp. I must have Louis, that was my injunction. I knew no other. So I did not interfere when Louis incinerated the Coven and the infamous theatre, striking, at the risk of his own life, with flame and scythe at the very hour of dawn.

Have in mind that this is the book Armand, the one who had orchestrated the whole thing since the beginning, so you can only imagine how show Armand felt.

[mcverse]

https://www.tumblr.com/omnifanfic/713252850420088832/hi-can-i-ask-a-scenario-wherein-how-would-the

Please, give us, Starved Mukami stans, the Mukami version of this post, greatest author

Ask and you shall receive!

Pairing: Yui! Reader x a Mukami Brother

Type: Scenario

Word count: 1.8k

Warning: Jealousy, Possessive, Yandere-ish??, mentions of knife play, blood (forgot that in the first ask lol), degration, not spell checked or proof read

Side bar: Same shit different family, just less killing 😭 it’s okay to no be okay, I swear RUKI wasn’t hinting at that

Dialover M.List

Like always, characters are aged up appropriately!

Yui! Reader dating anyone but a Mukamki brother

Ruki Mukami

One little disagreement, if you can even call it that because you were clearly in the wrong, and this is what you do? Ruki wasn't surprised; he had seen this kind of behavior from humans before. He had watched as they made irrational decisions and acted out of spite, often with little consideration for the consequences.

Ruki had been around long enough to understand your motivations.

He knew you didn't like the guy you agreed to go on the date with, and you only did it to get back at him. But in the end, it was just another example of how you didn't understand your place in the world.

As livestock, you were nothing more than a meal ticket that could be discarded at any time. Ruki had hoped that after spending time with the Mukami family, you would have learned that lesson. But it seemed that you still felt too welcomed and didn't understand the true nature of your existence.

He couldn't completely blame you, though. Ruki knew that he was partly responsible for your behavior. He had grown a soft spot for you, although he couldn't pinpoint when it had happened. He found that you had become more tolerable once he had taught you how to behave properly. The Sakamaki brothers hadn't done a very good job in that regard.

But now, as you approached him with a hurried excuse and missed the heated glare he sent back towards the school, Ruki realized that he needed to remind you of your place once again.

Upon entering the mansion, Ruki wasted no time in barking orders to his brothers and cornering you against the front door by your throat. His eyes burned into yours with a heated glare as he spoke, his voice low and dangerous. "Did you really think I wouldn't hear the rumors? I don't know what I dislike more, the fact that you're a filthy whore or that you thought you wouldn't be punished.”

As Ruki's grip on your throat tightened, you gasped for air, feeling your heart pounding in your chest, “Don’t bother lying. You can use your filthy tongue for something else. On your knees.”

You wanted to protest, to tell him that you couldn't do it, that it was too degrading, but the fear in his eyes made it clear that he wouldn't accept anything less than complete obedience.

Kou Mukami

Kou loved to playfully tease you and watch as you blushed and pouted in response. He found it amusing and endearing how easily flustered you became around him. In his mind, your relationship was something unique and special compared to the bland and superficial interactions you had with others, especially the Sakamaki brothers.

Simply being around you brought him an unexpected sense of joy. However, that pleasant feeling quickly dissipated when he overheard your name being mentioned at a nearby table in the lunchroom.

As far as Kou knew, only two families were close enough to you to speak about you. The fact that this group of guys were discussing something that didn't belong to them left a bitter taste in his mouth. He couldn't help but wonder what they were up to.

Putting on a fake smile, Kou excused himself from the girls and walked over to the table where the guys were sitting. "Hey, I overheard you guys talking about Yui," he casually brought up. "She's cute, isn't she?"

One of the boys, whose name Kou couldn't even be bothered to remember, grinned up at him proudly. "You bet she is, and I scored a date with her," he boasted. The comment earned cheers from around the table, but Kou couldn't believe it.

How could you be dating him when she wasn’t his to begin with? He wasn't even worth looking at. He had nothing on Kou. Nothing. "Really?" Kou asked, trying to sound congratulatory. He quickly left the table after, walked past his fan group, and went to look for you.

It didn’t long to find you, walking around the hall carrying a heavy box. You didn’t notice him until the box is snatched out your hand and Kou is smiling at you innocently, “Let me help with that. Where to?”

"Kou… the supply closet." You told him, holding up the key.

His smile widened, pleased with how the situation was unfolding. Although he hadn't planned on being alone with you right off of meeting, he was determined to make the most of it. The perfect opportunity fell right into his hands. Kou grabbed your wrist and practically dragged you to the closet, where he snatched the key from you to unlock the door.

Once inside, Kou looked around and said, "I can't seem to find where to put it," as he set the box down on the floor.

"I'll help," you offered, walking towards the box. Suddenly, your face was slammed into the wall, causing you to yelp in pain. Kou had a death grip on your hair, his body pressed against your back, and he leaned down towards your neck.

"M Neko-chan, you're so mean," Kou hissed, pressing down harder on your head and tilting it further. "One little fight and you go running to another man. If you wanted to be treated like a slut, all you had to do was ask," he snarled, biting down hard on your neck and tearing the skin, blood gushing on your clothes, the wall and him.

He pulled away, "I'll make you unrecognizable, M Neko-chan. The next time you try to run away, you won't even know who you are," Kou threatened, “but I’m sure you’ll like that, wouldn’t you?” His other hand slipped under your shirt, traveling up your back to the front, “Of course you would.”

Azuma Mukami

Azusa had a penchant for physical pain, more so than the average person, but this time he deeply regretted his actions. Emotional pain was never his intention.

He would have apologized in a heartbeat if you hadn't stormed away. The feeling of guilt crept up on him like a slimy worm, and he punished himself for what he had done.

He knew he was in the wrong and deserved to be punished. You were right; you should be punishing him right now. But no amount of self-punishment could alleviate the feeling of regret that plagued him.

As he sat at the dinner table, Kou brought up a rumor he had heard at school that day. Usually, Azusa paid little attention to rumors, but this one was about you, and he quickly became attentive. His stomach turned uncontrollably as he looked across the table at you, who didn't return his gaze.

“Supposedly, she accepted a date from someone but that can’t be right, hm, M Neko-chan?”

Kou's words stung as he spoke them, his smirk betraying his cruel intentions. Azusa sat at the table, his eyes cast down to his plate, visibly trembling in disbelief. He knew that this was just one fight of many, but he never expected it to drive you away like this. He was hurt, and it was the worst kind of hurt.

Without a word, Azusa got up from the table and retreated to his room. You felt guilty, knowing that you were the cause of his pain. You asked Ruki if you could be excused, and he noticed Azusa's behavior and allowed it. You made your way to Azusa's door and knocked, watching as it opened slightly on its own.

As you entered, you saw Azusa standing in front of his knife display, picking one out. He heard you come in and turned to you with a sad smile.

"I...don't like...that kind of...pain," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He looked down in thought, then raised the knife and sliced his arm. "This is...the best…kind," he continued. "I hurt you...but…you didn't...like that...so you clearly...like mine."

You felt your heart break as you watched watch him walk over to you, smiling innocent, because what he was about to do was something he truly believed you wanted.

To be happy, right?

Yuma Mukami

Yuma knew he had a problem with his temper, but he didn't care. He felt like people were just too sensitive and couldn't handle the truth. And you, you knew this about him, yet you still pushed his buttons. It was almost like you hadn't learned anything from living in the Sakamaki and Mukami mansions. You were still in denial about your worth and the fact that you had no choice in your circumstances.

So when Yuma finally lost it and bit you, it was no surprise to him. But what annoyed him was how you stormed off, looking sad. He had to fight the urge to chase after you and comfort you, even though he knew he had hurt you. The guilt that came with that feeling was infuriating to him.

He couldn't help but think, "Fuck you." He wouldn't be feeling this way if it weren't for you. He would much rather figure out his own life than constantly worry about how you fit into it. You drove him crazy and he wanted you to leave, but he knew that he would hunt you down if you did.

And now, he was seeking you out, not because he missed your dumb face, but because he had heard a rumor that had his blood boiling. There was no way you could be that gullible and stupid to accept a date from some half-assed dude. But then again, it sounded exactly like something you would do.

Yuma couldn't wait to clear the air with you, but his anger was palpable. He saw red at the possibility of the rumor being true. When he finally got his hands on you, he hoped the rumor was just that - a rumor. Otherwise, he might just do something he would regret.

He spotted you talking to someone. His stomach dropped as he realized it could be the same guy he had heard rumors about. What the hell was wrong with you? Did you not understand the severity of your situation?

He waited until the guy had walked away before approaching you, his fists clenched at his sides. Without a word, he grabbed you, throwing you over his shoulders and dragged you into the closest empty classroom. Once inside, he slammed you against the wall, his hand around your throat and the other pressed against the wall beside your head. His eyes blazed with rage as he looked down at you.

"You must be a fucking idiot, sow, to really think that would work," he sneered. "I mean, you only made your situation worse."

You tried to speak, but he silenced you by slamming his hand against the wall beside your head. You whimpered in fear as he tightened his grip around your throat.

"You can't leave, sow," he spat, his voice low and menacing. "The only way you leave is if you're dead." With that, he sank his teeth into your neck, eliciting a scream from your lips. He covered your mouth with his hand to stifle the sound.

[babymetaldoll]

Baby, I'm yours - Chapter ten: “If you walk out on me, I’m walking after you” 

Summary: Spencer takes his one chance to win the love of his life back. Will he get her? 

Word count: 8,5K

Warnings: Angst, alcohol, hangover, sadness, more angst, cursing, and fluff. 

A/N: Hey guys!! fair warning: Just two more chapters after this!!!! 

Series Masterlist | General Masterlist | Prequel’s Masterlist

Previous chapter | Next chapter

(Y/N)’s point of view

My head was killing me. I woke up late and barely had time to shower and do my makeup. Why did I let my mom give me so much alcohol? Who am I kidding? I wanted to get drunk and cry. Now I had to deal with the consequences of my actions.

I didn’t set foot in the bullpen. Instead, after I walked out of the elevator I ran to JJ’s old office and locked myself in there. The smell of fresh coffee hit me as soon as I closed the door behind my back. I knew I wasn’t carrying any coffee, ‘cos that morning I was too late for work to make breakfast, so I was also starving.

But as a miracle, there was a fresh cup of coffee, a fruit salad, and an eclair on the desk. So Spencer had been there already. And he was still trying to win me back. Unfortunately for me, that morning it kinda worked. I was too hungry and hung over to reject that treat. And so, I ate everything he left there for me. I was glad he wasn’t around, though. I didn’t want him to know just how welcome his breakfast was.

- “Good morning”- Spencer stood at the door and stared at me from a safe distance. I barely had time to put the coffee cup down and wipe my mouth from any eclair left- “I’m glad you enjoyed your breakfast.”

- “Was it from you? I thought I was Penelope’s.”

I lied and looked at the papers on my desk to avoid eye contact. The few seconds I looked at him had been painful enough. He looked miserable. The dark rings under his eyes were massive and as dark as the days after Tobias Hankel tortured him. It brought miserable memories to see him like that. It also felt like a heartbreaking confirmation of his drug issues.

- “I was wondering if we could talk after work today.”- Spencer whispered and stayed still, waiting for my reply. But I didn’t say a word. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say. Maybe it was time to talk to him and ends things once and for all. Why was I still delaying that conversation? Only because it scared me to death.

- “I was at your mom’s last night. I don’t know if she told you, or if you heard me.”

I wanted to be mad at him, but as I heard his voice I realized more than anger, the feeling that invaded me was heartbreak. I was brokenhearted. And somehow it felt worst. I could deal with my anger, I knew how to manage it and act in control when I was mad. But brokenhearted was new. I had never felt that way before, not like that. Not to the point of feeling my chest ripped open and my heart pulled out from it.

- “Mom mentioned it.”- I whispered and glued my eyes to the computer screen. Spencer took a few steps closer to my desk, but still, I refused to turn to him.

- “So, about tonight, I was thinking maybe we can have dinner. We hadn’t been to your favorite Italian place in a while.”

- “No, thanks.”- my reply came out harder than I intended. Maybe because his proximity made me feel even more vulnerable.

- “Chipmunk, please.”

- “Good morning.”- Morgan’s voice interrupted Spencer and stopped me from crying. I looked at the door and he stood there, awkwardly, staring at us trying to read the room. It wasn’t hard to decode we were not comfortable.

- “Hey Derek, what can I do for you?”

- “Hotch asked me to tell you a few cadets are coming today for a talk with him and Rossi, and he wanted you to assist him.”

- “Sure, what time?”- I honestly didn’t have time to do it, but anything that meant staying away from Spencer seemed to be a good idea at the moment.

- “Half hour. He wanted to see you in his office.”- I smiled at Derek and stood up.

- “Thank you, Morgan. Excuse me.”- I gathered a notebook, a pen, and my phone, and left the room without any other word or even looking at Reid.

I waved at Prentiss and JJ on my way to Hotch’s office, and they looked at me as if they had seen a ghost. Did I really look that bad? I took mental notes of checking my makeup before the meeting with the cadets. Hotch’s door was open, so I knocked and just walked in before he would say anything.

- “Hey, Morgan said you needed me.”

- “Yes, please take a seat.”- I moved a chair closer to his desk and got ready to listen. Aaron finished signing a few papers and looked at me.

- “Did you sleep?”

- “Do I look too bad?”- I ran my fingers through my hair, probably making a mess, as Hotch raised an eyebrow- “Yes, I slept. Mom and I had a few drinks last night.”

- “I was gonna ask you to assist me in talking with a few cadets, but I think I’m gonna ask JJ to help.”

- “What? Why? Do I really look that bad?”- Hotch stared at me frowning and didn’t say a word. His mouth was a straight line- “I’m gonna take that as a yes.”

- “I’m not saying you look bad, but you are clearly tired.”

- “I’m ok. What do you need me to do? Talk with the kids? Look charming? Sell them the BAU?”

- “Could you and Penelope get a few things to eat? The catering failed us.”- I somehow felt disappointed, but simply nodded. When Morgan said Hotch needed my help, I thought it was something important. Not being his personal shopper assistant.

- “Do you have a grocery list or something?”- I stood up and he handed me a piece of paper.

- “Thank you, (Y/N). I appreciate it.”

Now I wasn’t just tired and depressed, I also felt insulted. Great. I walked through the bullpen straight to Garcia’s batcave on the other side of the floor. There she was, talking with Morgan, giggling like a schoolgirl, staring at him as he smiled at her.

- “Hey guys. Garcia, Hotch asked me to take you shopping today.”- I looked at my friends and tried to look cheerful. Of course, it didn’t work.

- “Oh my god, munchkin, did you sleep?”- Garcia jumped from her chair and walked to me. Her hands rested on my arms as she sweetly caressed me.

- “I did, I had a rushed morning, that’s all. So, ready to go? We are in a hurry.” - Garcia looked at me and then looked at Morgan, who just stood up nodding.

- “Yes, sure. I have to powder my nose first. Wait for me in your car?”- I raised an eyebrow and stared at her. She was blushing, and nervous.

- “Sorry pretty girl. We were just about to finish talking, I need to tell her something. Why don’t you wait for Garcia in your car? She’ll be there in a second”

The way Morgan called me “pretty girl” was odd, for the first time. He was lying, but I didn’t know which part was bullshit. And to be completely honest, I didn’t want to know. I was sleepy, hungover, and grumpy. I just agreed with his idea and walked out of the batcave. It was already bad enough having to go get groceries for Hotch to add more drama to the whole experience.

I sat behind the wheel of my car and kept surfing radio stations, not actually hearing anything. I just kept pushing the button as soon as I realized the song that was playing. Didn’t care if I liked it or now. I was about to call Pen and argue we were already late when the door at the passenger seat opened and Spencer got into the car.

- “Sorry, Garcia couldn’t make it and she asked me to help you instead.”

- “You have to be joking!”- I nearly yelled as he smiled awkwardly and bucked up.- “What are you doing? Get out of my car!”

- “Sorry, but I promised Hotch I wasn’t going to let our personal problems interfere with our work. And as far as I know, this is a work-related trip to get some things to eat.”- he replied calmly, making it so easy to hate him. The worst part was he was right, I knew it and so I just bit my lips and started the car. The faster we got all the groceries, the faster I was away from my liar fiance.

I had been driving in silence for less than five minutes when Spencer started talking. Did I want to listen to his voice? Not at the minute, though a part of me felt it was incredibly comforting to know he was there, in that same car with me. I was still mad at him, but I missed him so much I was going insane.

- “Did Hotch give you a list of things we should get?”

- “Yes”- I answered coldly. It was a thirty-minute drive to the closest Walmart, and I knew I was going to suffer every minute of that ride. I took a mental note to text Garcia as soon as I was out of that car just to tell her how much I hated her.

- “Do you mind if I play some music?”

- “Whatever.”- I kept my eyes glued to the road and made my best effort to pretend Spencer didn’t exist. But do you want to know what he did? He started playing “I’m sorry” songs he knew I’d love.

First, he played “Line without a hook” by Ricky Montgomery, then “Moonlight” by The Future Island. He actually had the nerve to sing it along. I swear I wanted to jump off that car. By the time he sang “Walking after you” by the Foo fighters, I had had enough. So I turned off the radio and he stopped singing right away.

- “Enough music.”

- “Sorry…”- he whispered and stayed in silence for a few minutes. But of course, it didn’t last.

- “Did you get enough sleep last night?”- he whispered and I sighed.

- “No. You?”

- “Neither did I. I don’t know if Frank mentioned it, but he was at our place last night.”- I tried not to show any emotion, but it shocked me to know my best friend had visited him. It also made me feel better to know Frank was taking care of him.

- “No, I haven’t talked to him.”

- “He stopped by at dinner and forced me to eat.”

- “Good.”- I really didn’t know what to answer at that. I kept biting my lips to stop myself from saying anything. Ten minutes later I parked outside Walmart and practically ran out of the car.

Honestly, how the fuck did I get there with Spencer? I just wanted to run away and hide from him. Instead, I walked by his side, as he pushed a fucking cart.

Spencer’s point of view

My plan wasn’t working. Ok, fine, it wasn’t the best plan ever, but I was desperate. When Morgan told me Hotch needed (Y/N) to get some groceries for his meeting with Garcia, I basically begged her to let me go with (Y/N) instead. It was the only way I knew I could talk to her in private outside work. Or even just hang out with her a little bit. I even listed a few songs I could use to melt her heart but failed terribly. So there I was, pushing a cart around Walmart, following her around the store in silence. She just kept picking snacks for the cadets and I didn’t say a word.

- “Can you pick a few sandwiches? I’m gonna get the cupcakes and we are done.”- those were the only words she said to me the entire time we were at the store. If you ask me, my plan was a complete failure.

- “Sure. Do you need anything else?”- but (Y/N) didn’t answer, she had already walked away from me.

The ride back to Quantico was basically silent. The radio was on, but we just heard the local news. I tried to think of any other moment in my life when (Y/N) had been this mad at me, but I couldn’t recall anything. I remembered when I pushed her out of my apartment, while on drugs. Even after that, she wasn’t mad at me. She just wanted to help me quit drugs.

I knew how much I had ruined things, but I still kept realizing every day just how bad my situation was with her. I mean it. I knew of all the things I could have done to her, getting drugs was the worst. It was the same as cheating. And I would never cheat on her.

- “I’m sorry”- I whispered as (Y/N) parked her car back at the BAU. She looked at me for a second, it was the first time she had knowledge my existence since we left the store, though I had been sitting in the same car with her for over half an hour.

- “I know. But sorry it’s not enough”- she replied and opened the door.

- “I miss you, chipmunk”- I said as I grabbed a few of the bags with groceries and she closed the car.

- “I know. But what do you want me to do? Forgive you and pretend you didn’t break my heart?”

I broke her heart. I had sworn I was never going to do anything remotely close to it, but I did anyway. I didn’t mean to, but I still did it. I didn’t deserve her.

(Y/N) didn’t wait for my reply, she just turned around and walked to the elevator, holding a bunch of paper bags. I followed her quickly and bit my lips. I knew no matter what I said, I wasn’t going to fix anything with her that day. At least no there. I needed proof.

(Y/N)’s point of view

I never thought things would end up the way they did. I held a gin and tonic dad had made for me and sat by the pool in our backyard. Mom set a few things to eat at a table nearby, as Frank, Mikey, and Lu kept talking about their week.

When did I time travel and went back to college? ‘Cos it felt like our old Fridays at home. My friends were always at my house, probably ‘cos mom loved hosting and feeding them. Dad would stop by after his shift and put an eye on us, and if Phoenix didn’t have a better plan, he would stay with us and play any random board game we picked.

Yes, it was sweet, but under the circumstances I was under, it felt odd. Specially ‘cos neither dad nor my older brother knew what had happened with Spencer, and they kept asking me if he was going to join us any time soon.

- “Not today.”- I replied and took a long sip of my drink. That was not how my first night off work was planned to be. But at that point, nothing was going according to plan.

- “What the hell? Is there something wrong?”- dad asked mom and I pretended I didn’t listen.

- “No, they just argued. But everything is ok”- dad scoffed and lighted a cigarette.

- “I’m sure it’s just pre-wedding anxiety.”- mom didn’t reply, she just stared at me and cut me a warm smile.

- “So what do you wanna play tonight?”- Mikey held a bunch of games and stared at us expectantly- “Catan for old days? Exploding kittens? Jenga?”

- “Anything but Scrabble”- Frank grabbed a beer and sat next to me- “Sorry, but playing with you, nugget, is the worst thing ever.”- I just shook my head and sighed.

- “I’m not really in the mood for games. Can we just… do nothing?”

- “Oh come on, peanut! It’s your last weekend as a single woman! Next Friday we are gonna be at the rehearsing dinner”- Phoenix stood behind me and shook my shoulders. His words weren’t meant to hurt, but they did. I didn’t want to think about the wedding. I still didn’t know if I wanted to marry Reid. And I still didn’t want to think about it.

- “How about a nice round of Uno and then we can watch a movie?”- Lu suggested and smiled at me- “Something you like, filled with gore and maybe zombies.”

- “A movie sounds nice.”- I replied and watched Mikey shuffling the cards- “Are you going out tonight?”- I asked my brother, who sat at the table with us and sipped his beer.

- “And miss all this fun? No way!”- he chuckled and looked at me for a few seconds more than usual. And I hated knowing he had realized there was something wrong with me. I was glad he didn’t ask anything though, ‘cos I didn’t want to share my relationship issues with him. Not that I didn’t trust him, I just knew he would get super mad at Reid, and probably in his “older brother mode,” which mostly meant threatening to punch him for breaking my heart.

Mom and dad kept talking, god knows about what, as me and my friends- plus my brother- kept playing Uno, and somehow, I even had fun. Until the bell rang and I felt a chill run down my spine because I knew who was standing at the door. You didn’t need to be a genius to figure it out.

Dad stood up to answer and I looked at my friends. They all knew what was coming, and I guess we were all trying to figure out how to avoid any argument in front of everybody.

- “Peanut, your husband is here!”- dad announced and tapped on Spencer’s back as they walked to us, waving awkwardly. I don’t think he thought everybody was going to be there that night.

I stood up and did the only thing that made sense: I tried to keep Spencer from talking with my family.

- “Hey, let’s go inside.”- I grabbed his arm, ready to drag him back into the house, but Phoenix stopped me.

- “My new brother!! Long time no see! Have a beer with me!”- Spencer looked at him and then at me. I tried to beg him with my eyes not to do anything stupid and for a second, I thought he had understood.

- “Hey Phoenix, nice to see you. I didn’t know you were in town.”

- “I asked for the entire week free for my little sister’s wedding.”- he answered proudly- “Besides, I am waiting for your bachelor party!”

- “I’m planning that!”- Frank announced, I don’t know if he was serious or if that was his way to help me. It worked though, Phoenix turned to my friend and started asking what he had planned, and I dragged Spencer into the house in a second.

- “What are you doing here?”- I closed the kitchen door, trying to get some privacy.

- “Sorry, I didn’t know you had company.”- he said and opened his satchel- “I just stopped by to give you these.”- he took a few envelopes and put them in my hand. I stared at them not getting what he was doing. So I stared at him and raised my eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.

- “I know you are not going to believe me when I tell you I haven’t taken a drop of Dilaudid since you helped me recover, but I hope these will help you see how sober I am.”

- “What are these?”

- “All the drug tests I managed to get done in these few days. There are urine, hair, and saliva drug tests in there. They are all negative.”- I stayed still, staring at those envelopes for a few seconds, maybe minutes because it felt forever. And Spencer kept his eyes on me the entire time. Waiting for my reaction.

- “What do you want me to do now?”- I asked him finally- “Read the results and trust you again?”

- “These are proof I didn’t do drugs, I didn’t lie.”

- “You did lie, you got the fucking drugs in the first place. You felt like you could start using it again and never told me about it. Why?”

Spencer opened his mouth, but no word came from it. He just stared at me with watered-up eyes, trying to gather his thoughts.

- “Fine, you never used it, but you bought it. You went behind my back and for a moment, you actually considered using it. You also never got rid of it. Until I found it, that shit was still in your jacket, ready for another moment of weakness.”

- “Chipmunk, that’s not what happened! Yes, I was weak and bought it, but as soon as I was home alone, ready to use it…”- Spencer wanted to tell her he had stopped because he realized it was a mistake. But the truth was, he stopped because Frank interrupted him.

- “Why didn’t you trust me? Why did you keep it to yourself? We’ve been a team for so many years! Way before we started dating! I’ve always been there for you, you’ve always shared how you felt with me! Why did you stop?”- I tried not to yell, but failed. I had been trying to control my feelings and my thoughts for two days already, and I couldn’t do it any longer.

- “I… I didn’t want to look weak in front of you.”- he confessed as tears started falling down his eyes- “I didn’t want you to think you had a weak boyfriend.”

- “I would have rather have an honest boyfriend”- I threw the envelopes on the kitchen island and stared at him, making my best effort not to cry.- “Now how do I trust you again?”

- “I am so sorry”- he murmured as he started sobbing. It broke my heart to look at him like that. He just closed his eyes and cried in front of me, knowing there was nothing he could say that might fix what he had done.

- “I didn’t ask you that question to make you feel bad. I asked you ‘cos I really want to know”- my chin quivered as I said those words- “How can I trust you again, Spencer? After you broke my heart? How can I marry you? How can I know you won’t do it again?”

- “Peanut?”- I turned around and looked at my dad frowning. Next to him was my brother. And behind them, mom and my friends. They were all staring at the show.

- “Can you just leave us alone?”- I whispered and my friends quickly disappeared. But my family didn’t even move.

- “What the hell is going on here? Why are you crying?”- Phoenix walked toward me and stood in front of Spencer, looking intimidating. I even wondered if he was still carrying his gun with him.

- “We were just talking”- I tried to explain and make lights off of the whole deal, but we were both crying and we had yelled, which clearly they had all heard.

- “What the fuck did you do to my sister?”- my brother didn’t even try to have a conversation, he pushed Spencer back, and I quickly grabbed him and kept him away from Reid.

- “Stop, stop, he didn’t do anything.”

- “(Y/N), you are crying and yelling you are never going to trust him again, obviously he broke your heart!”- my brother argued and turned to Reid again- “What the fuck did you do? Did you cheat on her? ‘Cos if you did, I’m gonna fucking kill you, and I’m not even kidding!”

- “Stop! Phoenix!”- I stood in front of Spencer and tried to shield him from any attack from my older brother.

- “This is between the two of us, it doesn’t involve any of you! So just get out!”- I tried to sound firm, but instead, my voice broke and I sounded pathetic.

- “Peanut…”- dad said and looked at me concerned.

- “Chief (Y/L/N), Phoenix, I didn’t cheat on her, but I did break her trust.”- Spencer whispered as he tried to stop crying- “A few years back…”- and I cut him right there.

- “They don’t have to know what happened.”

- “But I wanna tell them, chipmunk. I love you, and I am ashamed of what happened. I want you to forgive me, and I want your family to forgive me for making you cry too.”

His words moved me, and I couldn’t say another word. I just stared at him wiping off the tears from his face as he stood in front of my dad and brother, confessing the one thing I never wanted either of them to know.

- “A few years ago I was kidnapped and tortured by an unsub. His name was Tobias Hankel. He was delusional and had split personalities. He drugged me for days, as a way to help me survive his torture. That’s how I got hooked on Dilaudid. I struggled to quit for a few months after I was back to work. I had never used any substance before, and I don’t think I would have been able to quit if it wasn’t for (Y/N).”

Spencer paused his words and looked down at his hands for a moment. I knew that wasn’t a subject that came easy for him to speak about, and I felt awfully guilty to know he was telling my family about it because he didn’t want them to think he had cheated on me.

- “She was the only one who worried about me enough to show me how much I was hurting people with my behavior. And she even took time off work to help me rehab. I was already in love with her back then, but after that, I knew she was the only drug I wanted to be hooked on for the rest of my life.”

Wow, I surely didn’t see that kind of confession coming. He actually loved me even back then?

- “But a few months ago, when we found out our friend Prentiss had died, I had a moment of weakness and got Dilaudid again behind her back. I felt useless and hurt. And for a split second, I thought drugs were the way to cope with my pain. But I stopped. I didn’t use a drop.”

- “Spencer, please don’t”- I whispered and he shook his head.

- “No, Chipmunk. I want them to know, ‘cos I know I fucked up, but you made me better once, and you stopped me from using again. I love you and I knew you deserved a better man. Not a drug addict. So I didn’t use the drugs I got and crawled back to her arms.”

No one said a word. I’m sure no one saw it coming, not even close. Phoenix was clearly confused, and my dad was shocked. I wanted to hold Spencer’s hand for courage but stopped myself. I was still mad at him, even after that confession.

- “But, as you can imagine, you can’t hide anything from a profiler, and she found out what I had done. Now I am here begging for mercy because I can’t picture life without her. I know I broke her trust and she is mad at me, but I’ll wait forever if there is a chance she takes me back.”

I looked at him and he cut me a short, sad smile.

- “I can not be without you, matter of fact”- he whispered, and my chest tightened. I just stared at him and felt my heart beating as hard as it could go.

- “Spencer, I think you should leave”- that was all my father said. I looked at him confused, I thought after Spencer’s confession he would be nicer to him, but no. Apparently, that wasn’t enough for either him or my brother.

Reid nodded and started walking. He looked at me and waved as I just stood there, motionless

- “I’m sorry to bother you.”- that was all he said before he walked away. Mom followed him to the door as I stood in the middle of the kitchen, not knowing what to do.

- “Are you ok?”- dad asked and I shook my head- “Come here peanut, let’s have a talk.”

Dad held my hand and guided me back outside, where I had left my drink. I grabbed it and drank the entire thing without even breathing. I had never needed a drink as much as I did that minute. My friends looked at me from the side and cut me a sympathetic smile. Dad just walked toward me and asked:

- “After all I heard, I only have one question for you: Do you still wanna marry Doctor Reid?”

I opened my mouth to answer as I stared at him. I only nodded and broke into tears. No matter how hurt I was, I loved Spencer. He was the best person I had ever met, and I couldn’t just let him go. I had waited for him for so long, and now that I had him, could I let him go due to drugs? I knew I was mad at him, I knew I had said I couldn’t trust him… but I loved Spencer more than I loved life itself. I didn’t want to go through life without him.

Dad opened his arms and hugged me. And for once, I didn’t argue or even struggled. I just let him embrace me and wrap me in his arms. I didn’t even notice when I started crying, I just realized when mom handed me a kleenex box.

- “I’m so mad at him, dad, but I love him so much”- I mumbled and he just nodded.

- “I know, peanut, I know.”

- “Please don’t hate him!”

- “Come on, how could I? Did you see what that kid just did? He faced your entire family just to make sure we all knew he didn’t cheat on you.”- I looked at him and dad ran his fingers across my cheeks, wiping off the tears that kept falling.

- “But… he just told you he had a drug problem and you kicked him out.”

- “Because I wanted to talk to you. He loves you, you love him. You made him a better man and he gives you joy”- dad smiled at me and looked right into my eyes- “I’ve loved Spencer from day one not only because he was clearly in love with you, but because he made you happy. You loved him way before you even admitted it. He always took care of you out there, on the field. And I know he would die just to keep you safe.”

- “Dad…”- I argued ‘cos I felt embarrassed, but he continued his speech.

- “Yes, he is fucked up, and he made a huge mistake, but he loves you. Not just with words, but with acts.”

- “I know, dad.”- I managed to mumble.

- “And believe me, I know it’s hard to trust someone who broke your heart, but it’s easier when it’s someone who is willing to do anything he can to rebuild that trust.”

- “But what if he fucks up again?”- I whispered and looked down at my hands. Mom walked over and wrapped an arm around my waistline, moving me closer to her.

- “My baby. You don’t know that. Even if you hadn’t had this argument with Spencer, you would had never known if he was ever going to fail you. When you love someone, you can only give them your heart and wish he never fails you.”

It was odd hearing my divorce parents giving me couple’s advices. But I always knew they got along after their divorce, and somehow, in a very weird, personal way, they still loved each other.

- “Besides, I’m pretty sure he knows if he breaks your heart, I’m gonna kill him.”- Phoenix added and lighted another cigarette.

- “I’m not sure he knows you don’t wanna kill him now.”- I pointed out and poured myself another drink.

- “That’s the idea. He has to live in complete fear. Never tell him I’m happy you are gonna marry him.”- my brother winked and I frowned confused.

My whole family now knew Spencer had drug issues in the past. And no one actually cared. Why? Was it because they all thought highly best of him? Because they all knew just how much he loved me?

My family was well aware of how much Spencer loved me, and they all gave us their blessing, in a very odd and awkward way.

Spencer’s point of view

Saturday morning found me awake, sitting on the floor of the apartment, surrounded by books. I didn’t sleep at all the night before. I just tried to keep myself busy reading to avoid thinking and overanalyzing what had happened. But I knew I was screwed.

(Y/N)’s parents were now aware I was a drug addict, and that I had failed their daughter. There was no way our wedding was ever going to happen now. I was sure. So I just stared around the apartment we had shared for a few months, thinking I should have known better from the start. When had I ever been this happy? It was clear this bliss was not meant for me. It had never had, and I would never be.

I noticed the sun was already shining outside my windows, a few rays of light sneaking between the curtains. I groaned and didn’t move from my spot against the wall. The floor was cold and uncomfortable, but I didn’t think I deserved better. I grabbed the book I had been re-reading for the hundredth time that night: (Y/N)’s copy of Pride and Prejudice. I held it close to my chest, like I dreamt of doing with her, and closed my eyes.

Time didn’t seem to pass fast enough, but I didn’t care. I didn’t have anything to do or anywhere to go. I didn’t even move to make myself a cup of coffee. I just held that book with my life and sat on the floor. Until a sound on the door made me jump. It was a key opening the lock. I whipped my head and held my breath. Slowly, the door opened and (Y/N)’s silhouette appeared by the frame. She looked around, searching for something.

- “Hey”- I whispered from my spot and slowly stood up. (Y/N) walked in and closed the door behind her back. She stayed still in the middle of the room not saying a word. I glued my eyes to her, not knowing what to say. Why was she there? To pick us her stuff? If that was the case, I didn’t want to stay around.

- “What happened here?”- she questioned me and pointed at the mess I had created.

- “I… needed to… couldn’t find a book”- that was my lousy explanation.

- “And then a tornado crushed the entire place”- she added and I smiled looking down, embarrassed.

- “Yeah, something like that.”

There was a weird silence among us. I didn’t know what to say. Until the smell of coffee captured all my senses and I noticed she was carrying a tray.

- “I brought you breakfast”- she whispered and slowly moved to the kitchen, the only place that was safe from the mess I had created. I followed her in silence and watched her unpack two cups of coffee, a bagel, and a muffin.

- “Thank you”- I replied as she gave me all the food. She just sipped her cup of coffee and looked at me. I grabbed the bagel and took a bite. Just then I realized I hadn’t eaten in over a day. I had survived only on coffee and herbal tea.

She didn’t comment on it, but I’m sure she noticed I was starving. Probably that’s why she bought my favorite breakfast. I chewed in silence. She held her cup of coffee with both hands and didn’t say a word for a few minutes. Until she whispered:

- “Ok, now we can talk."

And I immediately choke on my bagel.

I coughed and drank a sip of my coffee, trying to recover my breath.

- “Are you ok?”- she asked and started hitting me in the back right in the middle of the shoulder blades.

- “Yes… thank you.”- I cleared my throat and (Y/N) gave me a glass of water, one I drank rather quickly.

- “Sure?”

- “Yeah, just…”- I cut her a short smile as finished my water.- “So you wanna talk, finally.”- (Y/N) nodded and put her coffee down. I stared at her, resting against the counter just staring at her hands for a few minutes. I was scared, terrified actually, of her decision, but I was willing to find out just to stop the pain and the agony of the unknown.

- “Yes.”- (Y/N) whispered and took a deep breath- “I’m sorry.”

My heart broke with those words. She was apologizing ‘cos she was about to end things for good. I stared at her, fighting the tears back, and lowered my eyes.

- “I’m sorry I ran from you all these days, but I just couldn’t find a way to talk to you. I was beyond mad at you. You lied to me and went behind my back.”- she enumerated my mistakes as I simply heard her sentencing my fate.

- “I understand.”- that was all I managed to say.

- “You have no idea how I felt when I discovered that bottle, Spencer.”- she continued talking and I glued my eyes to my feet as she did- “I was hurt and disappointed. You broke my heart.”

- “I’m sorry.”- I mumbled and felt how the tears started falling from my eyes, soaking my cheeks.

- “Why did you do it?”- I just shook my head at her question.

- “I don’t know.”

- “Yes, you do. You said you didn’t want me to think I had a weak boyfriend.”- she added and I whipped off the tears from my cheeks. Not the strongest action against that statement, I must add.

- “I’m sorry I couldn’t be who you needed.”- I murmured. And that was all I managed to say.

- “I never asked you to be anything, Spencer. I just wanted you to love me.”

- “And I love you! so much!”- my words sounded so pathetic as I spoke the out loud. It was so hard to maintain that conversation, ‘cos I just wanted to hug (Y/N) and burst into tears. But she remained still, standing against the counter, arms crossed on her chest.

- “Then why couldn’t you tell me the truth? Why did you go behind my back?”- (Y/N) questioned me and I heard her voice break as she did. I was too ashamed to look her in the eyes and explain everything.

- “I… I don’t know! ‘Cos you deserved better than a wreak boyfriend who kept thinking about using drugs to avoid the pain of losing a friend, and the terror of not being good enough to keep you safe!”

I ended up confessing and grabbed my coffee cup. It was too early to drink, though it felt like a good time for a whisky. But the coffee should be enough.

- “I was so scared this could ever happen!”- (Y/N) sobbed after a few seconds, and I finally looked at her.

Her eyes were red, filled with tears. She wrapped her own arms around her waist, holding herself the way I wanted to hold her. It hurt to look at her in so much pain. A pain I knew I had inflected.

- “I never imagined it would be this bad, but I was scared that us dating would affect what we had before.”- (Y/N) mumbled. I stared at her in silence, not getting what she was talking about.

- “When we were friends, we could tell each other anything. Everything that ever happened to us. And when we started dating I feared for a moment that might change. But then everything was perfect, and you were great, and I was happy… why couldn’t you just tell me how you felt? Why did you keep this from me?”

- “I’m so sorry”- I sobbed and heard (Y/N) whimpering. I don’t know how I managed to move from my spot, but my urges to comfort her were stronger than anything I had ever felt before.

So I held her.

I wrapped my arms around her body and moved her against me, keeping her as close as possible. I hadn’t felt her this near in days and my entire being ached for her. As corny as that sounds, it was a fact. I knew right there I was definitely never going to be able to live without her. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I needed her in more ways than I could even imagine.

- “I’m sorry too”- (Y/N) mumbled against my chest as I kept her secured in my arms.

- “Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong”- I whispered and kissed the top of my head, only because I couldn’t hold myself back for a moment.

- “I’m sorry I didn’t support you when you felt bad.”- she moved from my arms and looked at me, and those pretty eyes were so honest and painfully beautiful, I just stared at her speechless.

- “I’m sorry I couldn’t be the girlfriend you deserve. I got mad and yelled, and I refused to talk to you… I shouldn’t had.”

I cupped her face with both my hands and ran my thumbs down her cheeks, cleaning her soft skin from any tear that fell from her eyes. She wasn’t joking, she was sorry for real. And I couldn’t even begin to explain how wrong she was for apologizing over something like that.

- “You didn’t do anything wrong, chipmunk. I was the one who ruined everything.”- I whispered, but she shook her head, ready to argue with me.

- “You didn’t feel like telling me what was wrong. That was my fault as well.”- she replied and bit her lower lip, trying not to cry.

- “Never say that again. None of this was your fault. I was weak, and I didn’t want to be a burden.”

- “You felt like you couldn’t tell me something. That has to be in part my fault.”- I shook my head and lost myself in her eyes, as she looked at me, pleading for forgiveness, even when she shouldn’t- “I hurt you, honey bunny. I will never forgive myself for that.”

- “Please, don’t say that.”- I kissed her forehead as tears blurred my vision- “You were nothing but wonderful to me every day we were together.”- I whispered and felt staring at her in adoration as she wide opened her eyes and gasped.

- “We… were together?”- she muttered and tears filled her eyes as she stared right at me.

- “I… you.. when we…”- why was it so hard for me to put myself together around her?- “I… I understand if you don’t want to…”

- “But I want to”- her whisper was a ray of hope that hit and woke me, filling me with an energy I hadn’t felt ever since I lost her.

- “You… still love me?”- I asked her and she nodded right away. I smiled at her, feeling my eyes fill with tears. I leaned in and rested my forehead against hers as her hands clinging around my neck. My heart was beating so hard inside my chest, finally, I felt alive again.

- “And do you still want to marry me?”- I whispered, still a little scared of her answer.

- “I do, if you want to.”- (Y/N) answered and smiled at me for a second, looking incredibly nervous of my answer.

- “I want to, so much”- I quickly replied and crushed my lips against her instantly. I held her even closer, if possible, and kissed her with all the passion and love I could, rubbing my lips against her and slipping my tongue into her mouth in a second. I didn’t want to waste time. I couldn’t hold myself. I felt that my sould was back inside my body, and my heart was finally complete. She loved me, she was going to marry me. She wasn’t going to leave my side.

- “I love you so much, (Y/N)”- I murmured against her lips. I kept both my hands on her cheeks, scared she might realize she was making a mistake and could try to escape from me. But instead. She tangled her fingers in my hair and moaned.

- “I love you, I love you”- she repeated as she continued kissing me. I moved my hands from her face to her waist and lifted her, sitting her on the counter. She gasped and giggled as I did, never breaking the kiss for longer than a few seconds to catch our breath.

I rested my hands on her waist and kept them there as we kissed. It was passionate, but still very sweet. I wanted everything of her, I had missed her kisses, her body, her presence, and her entire being. I didn’t know how to take it all in again, I just knew I needed to catch up on every kiss I had missed during our fight.

- “I promise I’m never keeping anything from you again”- I whispered and she nodded. She continued kissing me, as her hands caressed my cheeks softly.

- “I promise I’ll be more supportive. You can tell me anything.”- she mumbled and then started kissing my neck. My weakest spot.- “I’ll be the best wife you ever dreamed of.”

I couldn’t answer that, I just groaned and kissed her deeper. My hands moved slowly from her waist to the gem of her t-shirt and started taking it off. And that’s when she stopped me.

- “Wait.”- she gasped for air and held both my hands.

- “What is it?”- I tried to kiss her neck, but she moved from me.

- “I want us to wait.”

- “Wait for what?”- I think all the blood in my body was focused on my lower half, ‘cos I was being really dumb.

- “Wait to have sex again, until we are married.”- (Y/N) explained and I was in shock.

- “B… but.. What… why?”- I mumbled and widened my eyes, staring at her. (Y/N) blushed and bit her lips, making it even harder for me to control myself. I was dying to bite her lips as well.

- “It’s just a week. And I think if we wait to do it again until we are married, it would make it all more special.”

I stared at her, trying to make sense of what she was saying. All I needed that minute was to feel her body against mine and to kiss every inch of her skin. I had missed her, I craved for her. And she wanted me to wait for an entire week?!

- “Don’t you think?”- (Y/N) asked and raised an eyebrow. I kept trying to find the right words to tell her how I felt, but I still felt like walking around eggshells with her. So I sighed and nodded.

- “Sure. It will make it more special.”

I was doomed.

- “I know it’s gonna be hard, honey bunny. I’ve missed you so much all these days we’ve been apart”- (Y/N) kissed me softly, and sucked my lower lip as she parted from me- “But just imagine how hot our wedding night is gonna be.”

- “So hot”- I whispered and kissed her fiercely one more time. I moved my hand underneath her t-shirt and she stopped me right before I could reach her bra.

- “I told you, honey bunny. I wanna wait.”

- “But I don’t think I can wait.”- I kissed her neck and she giggled as I did. She wrapped her arms around my neck, stopping my advances as she stared at me. I sighed and looked into her eyes. She wasn’t kidding.

- “Trust me, this is not easy for me either. But…”- her hands held my cheeks, stopping me from kissing her neck any longer. She just looked me in the eyes and smiled- “But it’s just for a few days.”

- “I don’t think I’m gonna be able to hold myself sleeping with you for the next few days and not touching you, ma cherie.”- I whispered and my fingers played with her soft skin underneath her shirt. She bit her lower lip staring at me with an innocent look in her eyes.

- “I know, me neither. That’s why I won’t be sleeping with you until our wedding night.”

My balls turned blue in a second.

I stopped and frowned. She was smiling mischievously. She knew what she was doing to me, and she was enjoying it.

- “But… why?”- I whispered. (Y/N) started caressing my hair, playing with my scalp and with my hair between her fingers. I hummed and nearly melted at her touch, as I waited for her answer.

- “We are going to spend the rest of our lives together, honey. I want you to miss me a little before the big day, that way, you won’t get tired of me that quickly.”

I shook my head as I heard her and rested my forehead against hers for a second.

- “I would never get tired of you, I swear.”- my voice was a whisper. I knew I was pleading, but she couldn’t just come and deny me what I was craving the most: her.

- “Come on, let’s go out. We have to pick up your tux.”- she said and kissed the top of my nose. (Y/N) jumped from the counter and grabbed my hand. Cleary, that was a fight I was never going to win, and maybe she still wanted to torture me for what I had done to her. And maybe, she was right.

- “Saturday night, we are gonna leave that party early”- I warn her and hear her giggling- “I am not going to be able to keep my hands off you.”

- “Are you that needy, honey?”- she teases and crawls me out of the kitchen.

- “Yes”- I mumble and feel how my pants are immediately tighter. Again.

- “But you have to be a good boy until next friday”- she replies and winks- “Now, let’s clean this mess and then we’ll pick your tux, ok?”

Morgan would have made fun of me, ‘cos I was whipped. And he was right. It was no secret, I would do anything and everything I could to make (Y/N) happy. 

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[longlivefiction]

Jeremiah, and how he's so.. Jeremiah.

This is quite long, so get ready..

Never believed there's an insanity Jeremiah was scaping at all. more like putting inside a box his dark nature and closed the door. The gas was just a key for it. In simple terms, the gas changed nothing, didn't alterated his mind or gave extra things.

The problem with Jeremiah is that he was a contrasted character, on one had, he hated the idea of being ordinary:

- He was the smart kid of the circus who got away to go in a elite family.

- He was the guy who graduated of college at 13 or 17.

- He was the man who lived in a maze bunker during 6 years.

- He would be the man who made a revolution on the engineering science.

We all believed he was adopted by Wilde family, but maybe Wildes doesn't exist at all, and Jeremiah created Xander Wilde alias to completely separate of his family, for the sake of his megalomania: This, genius mastermind mysterious legendary figure behind the new era of evolment.

The problem is that precisasly in his desire to be special, he can't support the idea of be like Jerome cause that will means he's not unique at all. That's why he never allowed himself to be just as extravagant as Jerome.

I am sure Jeremiah killed alley cats, by beating them up or something, while believed Jerome was just a funny imaginative innocent kid, different to the weird exotic prodigical guy he was. When discovered that Jerome kill alley cats as well, Jeremiah just can't toleate it.

So he made up lies on him, betrayed him and sending to a path HE KNEW that would make him even worst and in the end causing Jerome to desire to hunt him.

Jerome admits that as a teenager he wanted to kill everything in sight, however, the fact is that Jeremiah left the circus at age 8, so even Jerome's murderous desires could very well be a consequence of Jeremiah's actions.

"Teenagers, am I right? Oh, I remember those days, you just want to kill everything you see."

- Jerome Valeska in season 3.

Until I know, teenage years starts at 12. Meaning Jerome suffered at least 5 years of abuse at that point.

Now, why I believe Jeremiah WANTED Jerome to get to him like they're are in some game or something?

Mandatory Brunch Meeting:

Jeremiah wanted Jerome to get to him, so he could capture him. So he deliberately endangered his uncle Zachary Trumble, and his boss Allan Heyes. For the first one knew about St Ignatius and the second one knew about the address of Ecco.

Once Jerome is captured, it can be seen by the condition of the room he is in that Jeremiah intended to starve his brother to death as he watched.

Let's be honest, the only reason Jerome could scaped was because Crane and Tech; see Jeremiah is SO narcisist that he believed that Jerome could be the only menace that mattered and valued the effort since he is his twin, do you get that?

That's entertainment:

Once Jim Gordon, Lucius Fox and Bruce Wayne arrives, with Gordon telling him the situation, even before, aware of the possible consecuences for Gotham people Jeremiah decided to stay, not like he cares on some few people suffering. Yeah, he didn't stop Jerome before and all, but in this case, was different cause Jer puted a conditional, he was the way to avoid mayhem.

Game's over, maybe he can try to kill Jerome next time.

Until Jeremiah Valeska meets Batman-

Yes, I didn't writted that wrong. He met BATMAN.

In the conversation he had with Bruce, about hope and fight fear, Jeremiah realized that was something inside Bruce that was comparable to the darkness he felt every day of his life, so mysterious and profundently violent that was like watching to the abysm. As we know, Batman manifistated to Bruce some episodes ago before, doing the bond between the bat and the man more strong. Is BATMAN who with Jeremiah felt in love with, just that he can't determ a propial name to Bruce's madness so he just interprates it as Bruce himself, not so far of reality.

He feels fascnination at encontering someone not only intellectually similar, that share his own utterly unbeatable conviction for his goals, and even shared the same level of madness he hiddes, a level of madness not even Jerome got after all those years.

This is how his obsession begings.

When Jerome's followers kill the polices upside the buildings, Jeremiah just look up indifferently, he cares a shit on people dying around him, and just show anger when Jerome calls him.

When Jerome brings him up on stage and proceeds to tell everything he went through because of his lies, Jeremiah rolls his eyes, not caring about the damage he caused.

Even with the excuse that Jerome is telling it in a humorous way, reacting so indifferently to a horrible situation for which one himself is perhaps directly responsible is still quite inhumane.

When Jerome shows the knife to Jeremiah, despite briefly having doubts, he screams in anger and attempts to kill him on the spot, despite having failed, the desire was there.

He doesn't even care about Jerome's death. In fact he "wipes his tears" only after Jim Gordon watches him approach the corpse of his brother, indicate that his sadness was just an image he showed to Gordon in order to avoid any suspicious of his previously mentioned crazy tendencies. The most near to a dissapoinment feeling is perphaps that he couldn't kill him by his own terms.

After recieve Jerome's special gas, Jeremiah listens a recording of Jerome while the gas is making effect, Jerome confess that his days were numbered, and at Jeremiah hears this, he gives a delighted smile.

[depressed-sock]

Pick up the pieces and set them on fire Part 2 Power Fatigue Fandom: Warframe Relationships: Drifter & Operator (Warframe), Operator & The Man in the Wall (Warframe), Drifter & The Man in the Wall (Warframe) Characters: Operator (Warframe), Drifter (Warframe), The Man in the Wall (Warframe) Additional Tags: Bad Things Happen Bingo, rage against the reflection, Hurt No Comfort, Angst, Self-Esteem Issues, Self Confidence Issues, The New War Spoilers (Warframe), mentioned Natah and Xaku, Identity Issues, Power Fatigue

Wanted to explore some Drifter stuff so here's him having the same but different issues compared to the Operator. Kinda based on how the Drifter can only use a warframe for a certain period of time in Duviri and how that might transfer over.

...

The drifter breathes. First through his nose then out through his mouth. Leaning against his statue still Warframe like it’s the only thing in the galaxy that can hold him up. He doesn’t get why it’s always like this.

Why is it such a struggle? Why isn’t it natural?

It obviously is for his other half. They take to the transference like a fish to water and the drifter… he struggles. He’ll be exhausted and spent from a single mission unable to do another until the next. Worse, sometimes during missions it feels like his limbs, his Warframe, is fighting every action he takes. Those days leave him drained for weeks.

The Operator has tried to explain it to him. How the connection is supposed to work. But it Just. Doesn't. Work.

He grits his teeth, a knuckle white grip on his Warframe’s arm. Xaku should fit him. So many parts torn apart and sewn together into something new. Shattering every inch of yourself and having to keep going after the aftermath. It should fit.

But it’s not enough. Like he’s missing some important step that he just never had the chance to learn. He doesn’t know what to do.

He’s afraid. Afraid to once again be left behind, to lose everything he’s gained just because he can’t keep up. Can’t make the hard choices because he’s too terrified. Terrified of the consequences, terrified of what he has to force himself to become in order to fit in a galaxy that had abandoned him.

The drifter had never wanted these powers. Knew that when he accepted them in order to save the Operator and the Lotus that it would change him in uncontrollable ways.

He breathes. Slides down to the ground as his legs give out, no longer having the energy to keep him upright. He can taste the blood dripping from his nose.

Which in a way is ironic since most things have lost their taste.

Food has been hit the worst. He still swallows down everything he can get his hands on. Duviri taught him that. Eat when you can, never turn up an opportunity presented to you. Doesn’t matter how weird it is, or how bad it tastes. Eat to survive, eat because starving death is somehow worse than a sword through the gut.

The drifter laughs. Head on the cool metal of Xaku’s leg as the void twists around them and him. Alive in its own way.

All he needs to do is call Ordis. Tell him that the drifter needs to abandon the mission. That he’s failed. That he’s breaking apart at the seams and he just fucking doesn’t get why.

He breathes. In through his mouth and straight back out because there’s blood dripping from his nose and He. Can. Taste. IT.

“I could make it easier.”

He closes his eyes and grits his teeth before he turns his head to look at the mockery of the Operator that sits cross-legged on the locker above him.

“Oh joy, is it finally my turn? And here I was thinking you were a one person kind of guy with how I haven’t seen you until now.”

The man in the wall raises an eyebrow, smile and face just as much a mask what the people of Duviri wore. “You’re saying you don’t remember seeing me after that whole thing with the Lotus, Drifter?” The grin widens. “I think you do remember.”

“Trying to forget honestly, not your best look there.”

The man in the wall sighs, laying back on the locker, hands behind his head. “Such a critic. Really, how can you judge me when you’re just coasting on the Operator’s coattails? I mean really, first you steal their place and now you’re stealing their power? Have you ever done anything that didn’t take from someone else?”

The drifter licks the blood from his lips, tastes the iron and lets it sit on his tongue as he glares at the face of the child he was and the child who still exists. “I forgot how good you are at getting under our skin.”

He smiles and smiles and smiles. A mask never changing. The drifter wants to break it. Crush it into pieces. He might be getting why the Operator doesn’t like mirror’s anymore.

“I’m just saying you could come into your own power. Make this,” he motions to the drifter and Xaku, “all work like it should. Aren’t you tired? Don’t you want to actually feel powerful instead of a useless pile of… this.” He says, disgust clear in his face. “All you’d need to do is make a ‘proper’ deal. ”

“Will you just fuck off already.” The drifter tightens his grip on Xaku, his arm shifting from flesh to the familiar metal of Natah. Her anger seeps into his, and you know what he is fucking tired. Tired of being told that he’s not doing everything right, tired of their mind being played with. They’re done with this.

They pull themself up, adrenaline rushing through their veins even as they stagger to stay standing. Ignoring the way the man in the wall watches them. Dark fathomless eyes taking in every detail with clear interest.

The transference shift welcomes them. Like a blast of cool water as they take the leap. They fit into place in ways they should not. Each part clicking even as it threatens to rattle apart.

“We don’t need you.” They turn as one. Xaku and him and Natah. Three parts of a current whole.

The man in the wall hums. Shifting through space to stand in front of them. “You really never can be the same again. Can never be like them again.” His smile drops and for some reason that’s more terrifying. As Xaku it’s more prominent, the way the void that powers them shudders. “Just remember that your choices are still theirs. Don’t do something the Operator might regret.”

Then he’s gone, like he’d never even existed.

They pretend to take a breath. Xaku has no lungs, no need for oxygen. But the action itself settles something. They’ll get the mission done. They’ll go home.

Then they’re going to pass out on the Operator’s couch.

[mayisgoingnuts]

Pretty boy — A post with Denny's story (PT 1)

TW: Death, manipulation, implied mom and dad issues.

Taglist: @merwynsartblog @clownazon @jonesy-squish @dismissivedestroyer

Long post!

[PART 2]

Since the beginning of childhood, Denny's family is very poor. Ever since they lost their jobs, they've been struggling to get new ones, and at some point they were too tired to keep trying. Both of them soon began to survive by stealing, pickpocketing, even robbing if they were desperate enough. They refused to starve to death, or stay in the dark in their own house.

They decided to hide it from Denny as an attempt to not get him into the criminal world aswell, but at some point, they needed extra help. They wanted him to be useful in the family aswell, so as he turned 9, they revealed what they did to get money to finally teach him the same things. Just like any other kid influenced by their parents, he listened without a doubt. He had their approval and love, no consequences, it was fun.

Thanks to his age and cute face, besides stealing he also manipulated a lot of people for money, but mainly his own aunt. She hated his parents since they were bastards, but she had hope that Denny was different, saying that he's the only male who's good in this awful world. She never suspected a thing.

As time went on, Denny decided to try something even more risky to both make his parents prouder and make it more excited: robbing people. He only did things discreetly, but now wanted to try running away with what he wanted. Unluckily, the nearest person when he had this idea was a homeless man that lived there it's been a while, and pretty much everyone was freaked out by him. Denny didn't fully knew how bad the consequences were.

Someone finally gave the man some food since he looked desperate, he was basically starving and never felt so relieved — But Denny took all that happiness in a second. Once no one was nearby, he stole him and even made fun of him, bringing the food so him and his family could eat it. The homeless guy tried to fight, but he was way too weak.

Denny thought it was fine, someone else would see his pity face and give him more food, but that's not what happened. Way far from that. The man didn't even could ask for it again, because he had no strength to do so. In the next morning, while walking to somewhere else, Denny decided to take a peek at him and check how he was doing, apparently asleep. But no matter how much he called, yelled or shaked him, he didn't woke up. Never did.

It didn't took him long to realize that he was no longer alive, which caused him to panic and run away from there. Denny just watched from afar as people went to help him, and immediately assumed that it was his fault since he took the only food he had — And wanting or not, it was true. He didn't know that this kind of stuff would happen, and when he went to question his parents about it, they only confirmed that Denny was dumb to think that something like this would NOT happen.

Even though it didn't stopped him from stealing, Denny promised to never try anything with people who obviously need their beings, finally understanding that they're struggling as much as him. Still, it wasn't enough to stop his bad habits.

He still needed something else to finally make him realize how bad it is to be a bad guy.

[xbruised-peachx]

Mäuschen Ch 4.

After a bit of a break (sorry, I shifted schedules at work not to mention all my other projects I have!) chapter 4 is here. No smut, just some nice relaxing fluff :3 (also help i dont have any new renders/clips for this that fit so uh... um...)

(sure) Summary: After waiting for him to return from his work, you two can finally relax and have moment to yourselves, hopefully setting your worries aside. Word Count: 8,586 Tags: Fluff, making out, a sprinkle of angst, face reveal, this was written b4 i made the discovery abt the t-shirt being his mask don’t worry i know i’m the one that made that tiktok you dont have to mention it 🔞+ STORY Ch. 1 Ch. 2 Ch. 3

AO3 link. Translations notes at the end of the chapter!

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As you read the fictional war-time set book that he had readily available on his bedside table, the hours passed easily it seemed. You got up on occasion just to stretch your legs from laying on his overly firm mattress, but couldn’t complain too much from how big it was, how nicely it enveloped you. Looking over to his alarm clock, it had finally hit 5:30 pm, and your stomach would have reminded you if you didn’t check. You were thoroughly starving, the toast from this morning only lasting you until about 2 until you started feeling hunger pangs. You suppose it’s one of the unforeseen consequences of this deal; anytime he was on a mission, you would only have breakfast and dinner, if that. You assume there may be a point where he’s woken up at 5 am and just has to go, leaving you for the whole day. But maybe it’s different since he’s just a contractor.

You wondered if he’d be back soon. You didn’t even recall what time he left, but it had to be just before noon. You hoped it’d be soon since it was getting harder and harder to focus on reading. You knew though that he and Horangi were still trying to figure out something about the tape. You didn’t want to rush that, not that you could even with you being holed up in his room. And you knew they certainly weren’t going to get it figured out in a day, especially while using code words in a supply room. But the sooner the better, and the sooner he got back the better too, as it felt like your stomach was about to eat itself.

About ten minutes passed as you struggled, re-reading the same sentence as you struggled to focus, you heard a click from the door, looking up and seeing the lock turn left. It slowly opened and he peered his head in, his eyes slowly showing his smile as he met eyes with you again. You gave him a cute wave, smiling back at him as he started to walk in. He shut the door behind him, but you noted that he didn’t lock it. He let out an exhausted sigh as he slowly walked to you.

“You look so cute on my bed... so little, meine Maus.” He walked up to the side of the bed, leaning over you and putting his hands on either side of you. You blushed, averting your gaze from him as you shut the book, setting it back on the table and just as quickly meeting his eyes again.

“It’s because it’s made for you, big guy.” You smiled cheesily as you pushed yourself up slightly to meet his loom over you. You heard his breath hitch and he quickly pulled up his mask, you both knowing to come close and close the gap, kissing softly as you wrapped your arms around the back of his neck. He pulled away, letting out another sigh, but this time sounding relieved.

“I’ve always wanted to come back to a beautiful girl waiting for me... heheh, this still doesn’t seem real.” His voice trailed off as he brought one his hands up and placed it gently on your waist. “...Wish it was in better circumstances but I guess I can’t complain too much.” He let out a small chuckle as you smiled sweetly back at him. He rubbed his thumb up and down on the side of your stomach humming slightly to himself, almost covering the rumbling of your stomach, but he could clearly feel the vibrations as his eyes went wide. You instantly blushed, feeling embarrassed and broke your gaze from him. “Oh, Scheiße! I’m sorry, Liebling, you must be so hungry. I should’ve asked as soon as I came in.”

You smiled slightly, glad he wasn’t mad at you for not telling him sooner, but also wishing he wouldn’t blame himself for it. You met his eyes again, seeing they had now averted from you sadly. You brought your hand up to softly hold the side of his head, his gaze quickly shifting back to you. “It’s okay. Why don’t we go ahead and get some dinner then? Then we can get back and we can relax.” You smiled softly to yourself as you looked to the side, your mind wandering. “...We can actually relax.”

When you looked back at him, you could tell he was smiling at the thought too. He nodded, nuzzling his head in your hand before standing upright, letting his hand run down your arm and helping you up off the bed. You stayed holding onto his hand, walking with him as he reached the door, stopping when he did and turning to you. “I should say, even though you probably know, we can’t be... oh, what’s the word for it? I know there’s one, where we can’t kiss or do anything romantic out there...”

“No PDA?” You answered, trying to complete his thought. Public displays of affection, you knew they were very frowned upon, especially while in uniform in the military. So that made sense.

His eyes lit up as he snapped the fingers of his other hand. “That’s it! Thank you. We can’t have any PDA out there, so... I mean if you need to get anything out of your system.” His lids lowered slightly as he bent down to reach your level. You chuckled and shook your head softly, looking down to the floor then meeting his eyes again. You quickly grabbed the end of his mask and pulled it up, clashing your lips against his. He quickly reciprocated, taking his arms and wrapping them around your waist, pulling you close as instantly the kiss got more deep and passionate. You moved your lips softly against his and he slightly opened his mouth, letting his tongue just barely to lick your bottom lip. You smiled as you felt it, letting your hands run up around his neck and grabbing the nape of his neck, letting your fingers intertwine with his hair. You could feel him pull a sly smirk in the kiss as he lowered his hand to your ass, acting as a support as he suddenly stood upright, bringing you with him. You yelped as your lips pulled away instinctively. You legs wrapped around his waist instinctively as well, as he started to laugh. “Sorry, Mäuschen... gotta get some stuff out of my system too before we go.”

He quickly brought his lips back to yours as the kiss continued right where it left off, just deep as he licked your bottom lip again, asking for permission to enter as he just barely skirted the line of pushing it in. You smiled and gave him what he wanted, opening your mouth and letting your tongue meet his. He hummed delightedly in the kiss as you both let each other softly and passionately intertwine. Slowly he pulled his tongue back, ending the kiss reluctantly, but not before giving one quick peck before fully pulling back, letting his mask fall. You slowly opened your eyes, seeing him look at you sympathetically as he slowly brought you back to the floor.

“Alright... let’s go get you some food.”

You chuckled as you held his hand while he opened the door. He didn’t fight that, you imagine you two could pass it off simply as him guiding you. He turned and locked the door behind him, then turned to his left to guide you down the hall. You were surprised you were able to keep pace with him considering his much longer legs. You were walking at a normal pace to you, and you wondered if he was doing this purposefully. You looked up to him, seeing him continue to stare straight forward as he turned another corner, his hand trembling against yours slightly. It seemed he felt you look at him though as he met your gaze. For a moment his eyes looked worried but as soon as they saw your loving gaze, he returned the expression.

As you continued walking though, staring into each other's eyes, you heard more muffled voices get louder as you both slowly approached some double doors. Above it was a simple little sign that stuck out to the hallway. “Cafeteria.” You heard a sigh from him as you glanced back to him, pulling his hand away slowly.

“I’m... I’m sorry, Liebling. I want to keep guiding you by holding your hand but... I don’t want to attract more attention when we walk in.” His voice sounded sorrowful but with a lot of nervous shakes and hesitation as he spoke. His anxiety... You could imagine from the amount of people, it was making it spike more than ever for him. He probably already gets lots of stares anytime he has to duck under a door frame to get into a room.

You nodded at him, showing your sympathy for him the best you could. “I understand... I’ll just stick close behind you, okay?”

You could tell he was smiling as you answered, nodding at your suggestion. He took another deep breath and very gently opened the door. The noise of the room escaped as he very quickly ducked his way in, you following closely behind. More harsh fluorescents stung your eyes as you slowly refocused, peering at the room. Some voices stopped talking and looked at the both of you that entered. You instantly flushed, feeling embarrassed, especially as you looked down at your pajamas. You quickened your pace to meet König at the beginning of the food line. With how fast he was moving now, you knew he was holding back in the hallway. He grabbed a tray for you and him, keeping his head down as he continued down the line. It reminded you a lot of being in school, all the food lined out for you to choose, but nothing too interesting honestly. On yours, you put a slice of turkey, some gravy, and some string beans. Normally, you would think potatoes would go great with this but after yesterday, you weren’t sure if you’d eat potatoes for a while. On his he had meatballs with some sort of brown sauce on them, potatoes, and a roll. The roll sounded good but it seemed he took the last one. He glanced over to you right as you were looking at his roll, wondering if he would split it with you.

“D-did you want this?” His voice came out choked as he spoke with a hushed tone. You looked up at him, seeing he was completely avoiding eye contact with you. You could feel it too though, what was making him feel even more anxious. The few stares that were still directed at you two. It made your anxiety shoot up too. You nodded softly, but thought for a moment he wouldn’t see it. Just as you were about to speak, he quickly took the roll and put it on your tray. You looked up at him and smiled, not wanting to attract any more attention, you just simply mouthed to him a thank you. You assumed he saw it as his gaze averted even more to the side as he continued down the line.

Grabbing two water bottles, he was easily able to hold both with one hand while holding his tray, as he picked up pace as you exited the line. You tried to keep up with him as he went for a table that was in the furthest corner, nobody at the tables surrounding it. You looked at him as you set your tray across from him, lifting his mask up to start eating quickly.

“We have to eat here? We can’t take it to your room?” You asked with a hushed tone, watching as he snapped to look at you, but quickly darted back to his food, looking down.

“Yeah... some people have brought their food to their room and forgot to take it out after so, it's banned. We all have to eat here.”

You nodded, understanding. “I guess that makes sense... still kind of dumb though.”

He remained silent in response. You were hoping talking a little would ease his nerves a little, but you could still feel his leg bounce, slightly shaking the table as you started to eat. You watched him curiously as he continued to eat, pulling his mask up and wolfing his food down quickly.

“You always keep that mask on, huh? Even when you're eating?”

He finally locked eyes with you for a moment. You couldn’t quite tell his expression, his brain seeming overwhelmed to the point he couldn’t even think of which one to express. “I... Y-yeah, I don’t like people looking at me. At least this hides me somewhat, even when I have to pull it up.”

You shrugged your shoulders as you took a bite of your roll he kindly gave you. “Now, I mean this in the nicest way possible... but I think people look at you more because you're wearing the mask. Having to pull it up to eat kind of draws more attention than eating like normal.”

He nodded, his eyes going to the side as he started to dip his spork in the remaining sauce from his entree. “You’re right... but they still aren’t looking at me. They’re looking at a mask that’s over me. That’s all they can associate with me. But I know I’m more than this,” he tugged at his mask as he brought the utensil up to his mouth, “so they’re just looking at my mask. Not me. If you get what I’m saying...” He glanced over to you, watching for your reaction as you continued to eat your roll, mulling over his words in your head a bit confused. “...No one here has seen my face, so they don’t even know me. The only me they know is König, the tall guy with the sniper hood on all the time. They are only looking at a part of me... Besides, I find it kind of comforting to wear now, I don’t even think of it most of the time.”

You nodded, kind of understanding what he was getting at. Sure, it wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism but it at least helped him. You just wondered what he’d be like when he wasn’t deployed or got out of the military, what he would do then. You figured it’s something he would probably figure out by the time that happened, or at least, with how he worried about things, it’s probably something he’s thought of too.

He sat silently as he ate his potatoes, not looking at you much as you continued to eat as well. String beans weren’t your favorite but at least it was better nutrients than yesterday.  You noticed just how fast he ate though, easily outpacing you and making you realize probably why he got so big growing up. You looked over to your half finished roll, you had set it aside as you got a bit tired of the flavor, but saw him still just about done with dinner while you had barely reached the halfway point. You gently place the half of the roll on his tray, returning the favor when he gave you it. He looked down at it wide eyed and confused before catching your gaze again. 

“You don’t have to, darl-” He stopped mid sentence, doing a faux clearing of his throat. Clearly, he didn’t even want to have that public display of affection, but you suppose it wasn’t bad to be too cautious. Besides, he peppered you with enough pet names in private to last you a lifetime. “You should have it, you’re the one who hasn’t eaten all day.”

“I had toast this morning... Besides, I guess I just have a smaller stomach than you.”

He let out a little laugh, and with him lifting his mask up to eat, under the shadows you could barely catch a glimpse of his smile. It was cute, wide and a little asymmetrical, going to his left a little more, giving him an almost permanent smirk. “I... don’t think that’s how that works. Please,” he put the roll back on your tray, meeting your eyes again, “I appreciate it but I’m a big boy... I’ll be fine without a roll tonight.”

He leaned back to his seat, you hadn’t even noticed how close he had gotten to you, making your blush as you realized it. Quickly you glanced around the room, just to make sure no one saw. It seemed finally people diverted their attention to their own tables, in their own conversations and meals. When you looked back to König, you noticed he had done the same, glancing around the room to make sure people had stopped watching you two. 

You finished up your roll and string beans, just enjoying the presence of him in silence, knowing he didn’t really want to attract any more attention by keeping up a conversation. He had already finished his meal, so he was just watching you, his elbows on the table as he rested his face against his interlaced fingers. Though, he probably wasn’t actually watching you, as you noticed his eyes not really move much, and rather was probably just spaced out. When you finally noticed he was focused on you again, that’s when he spoke.

“What do you like for snacks? Something more sweet or something like chips?”

You paused as you thought about the random question. “I think it depends on my mood really... I can go either way.”

“Any particular thing you like? From both those categories.”

“Um...” you were a bit taken back by the random questions, but noticed his posture as he was about to get up. You glanced behind yourself, looking at the variety they had available here. “...I guess the Lay’s Wavy and those little chocolate cakes with the frosting in the middle.”

He nodded and stood up in silence. You just watched as he walked away again at a fast pace, going through the line as you took one of the final few bites of your turkey. Once he returned, he had a small package that he had already opened. You looked at the little snack cake in his hand that he had already eaten half of.

“...I thought you said you didn’t like American sweets,” you said light-heartedly, attempting to hide the goofy smile that was creeping on your face. “But, you're eating a twinkie?”

He shrugged his shoulders while grabbing his tray and yours, starting to walk to the trash, holding out the package in his other hand. You took his offer, grabbing the other little cake that came in the package. He had finished his in two bites, letting him throw away the wrapper as he set the trays on the already started stack on top of the garbage. He turned on his heel, patting your back as he started walking forward, encouraging you to walk alongside him. You did as you took another bite of your treat, taking one last look around the room. You didn’t notice anyone looking at you two as you left at first, but then caught a glimpse of a familiar face... well... mask and sunglasses, looking in your direction. You gave him a small wave goodbye as you two left through the doors.

You had finished your twinkie as you both reached his dorm door. Wiping the crumbs on your pants, you were reminded of how you told him you needed new clothes. Right as he pulled his keys out, you spoke up, “König, remember how I said I wanted a change of clothes?”

He looked back at you wide eyed. “Scheiße! I do... damn it...” He paused, bringing his hand to his mouth as he looked off to the side, lost in thought. “...Can we just... uh, check the lost and found? I’m sure something is there.”

You crossed your arms, giving him a bit of an annoyed look. “You don't want to talk to the girls here, do you?”

He let out an exasperated sigh, then met your eyes again, almost pleading but still looking as serious as he could. “Yeah, I really don’t want to knock on the doors and ask the girls here if they have extra clothes. It’s just... It really doesn’t sound right coming from me.” He gestured at himself, his entire tall and bulky figure.

“I can do most of the talking, I’m sure they’ll understand if I ask.”

“Can we please just... do this another day, Liebling?” His voice snapped at you calmly. He very clearly didn’t want to do this... having gone through a lot today. You felt bad pressing him but... you really needed new clothes. You looked to the side, then met his gaze again. You nodded, agreeing to go at least check the lost and found.

It was just past the end of the hallway, just a large cardboard box with a paper sign above it, labeled in a permanent marker crudely. There wasn’t much to choose from, but it’s not like you could be picky considering this was basically stealing clothes. He said he’d throw them in the wash while he was working tomorrow, then get them and bring them back once he finished, but it left you wondering what you’d do for tonight. You really were tired of this shirt, it felt dirty and you hated that feeling. You figured you’d just ask him once you got back to his room.

Opening his door, you followed after him, walking past him as he shut the door behind and locked it. Letting out a huge sigh of relief, he turned around, his eyes closed as he spoke, “Endlich kann ich entspannen... Scheiße...” He spoke the curse softly under his breath as he slowly opened his eyes. They remained half lidded, exhausted but relieved as he looked at you, letting out a little laugh and shaking his head. “What a day, ja?”

You giggled softly as you took a step toward him, keeping your eyes on him as he approached as well. He was quickly and easily able to pull you toward him in a huge hug, gently squeezing you as you were enveloped by his embrace. Your smile grew on your cheeks as you returned it, though you weren’t able to encase him as much, you still tried your best to squish his body as much as you could with your strength. You knew he was holding back while holding you, but you didn’t have to.

“I can’t even imagine the stress you’re going through right now...” His hands gently combed through your hair as you shifted from shoving your face directly into his lower chest to look up at him. “Sometimes... I think I really don’t have much to worry about, but still my brain can’t stop racing... But then I’ll stop and I’ll look at you and every worry about myself stops for a moment as I just start to worry about you, mein Mäuschen...”

Your brows furrowed as you caught his gaze shifting away from you, lost in thought. “Hey... I... We are going to get through this. I know it’s easier said than done but... don’t worry about me.” His gaze shifted back to you as you spoke, softening as he saw your expression. “As long as you're with me, to support me, I will be fine. I... I feel the same way; once I see you again, I feel my worries melt away. I just feel so at ease with you... We haven’t known each other for long but sometimes... You know, you just get that with someone, where it feels like you’ve known each other for years just from how easy it is to relax and talk with them.”

He nodded, and you were able to tell he had a soft smile creeping up his face. The way the light through the window hit him... It was just before twilight, the sun just barely starting to set but still making the room a nice amber tone. It made his already gorgeous eyes look even more beautiful, the warm tone contrasting beautifully to his cool toned eyes. “I feel the exact same, Liebling...”

His grip on you tightened as he started to lift you up. You adjusted your grip, going from wrapping your arms around his abdomen to letting them go up and around his neck as he pulled you closer. One of your hands pulled up his mask slowly as your legs wrapped around him for additional support, as the two of you brought your faces close to each other. For a moment, you stayed there, just an inch between each other as you shared bated breaths, before he gave in and closed the gap, his hand gripping your back as you pulled your body even closer to his. Your lips moved softly against his, your mouth opening to breathe, and he matched it, though you both held back, not letting your tongues slip out and instead just exchanging breaths.

Just as he started the kiss, he was the one who broke away first, slowly opening his eyes and looking at you, then shifting over to the bed. “...I hate to be a mood killer but the bed is looking really inviting now... and not even in the fun way but I just want to lay down.” He let out an awkward laugh, but let it fade out as you laughed with him. You unwrapped your legs from around him as you slowly lowered yourself, him helping as he leaned over to ease you to the ground.

“We should get into something more comfy then and just... lay down for the night. Put something on the TV and just, slowly doze off.”

He smiled as he looked at you. “That sounds wonderful...”

He had started to walk to his bed, but you gently ran your hand down his arm to his wrist. “Speaking of which though... is it possible I could just... sleep in one of your shirts for the night? I’m sorry, I know I keep going on about the clothes but just this shir-”

He cut you off by letting out a little laugh, taking a small step towards you. “Say less, my dear... My shirt might look like a dress on you but... I wouldn’t mind that at all.”

You smiled as he walked past you, turning to his dresser as you took a step back, starting to undress. You saw his gaze shift as he saw your shirt fly past him and into his hamper. You could imagine the little blush creeping up his face as he dug through his drawer. He held up a black shirt that had “Rammstein” written right on top, with the logo taking up a majority of the rest of it, all in a nice red to accent the dark tone. You definitely were going to be swimming in it. “This will work... I haven’t worn this since high school so... this is much too small for me.”

He let out a little laugh, cut short as he looked behind and saw your body again, his eyes going wide for a moment. You smiled, a blush creeping up your cheeks as you tried to remain confident. “Why’d you bring it then if it’s too small?”

He did a little clearing of his throat. He was on his knees to look in his dresser easier, but he did not switch to stand as he kept looking at you, instead slowly sliding forward. “Oh... I guess just memories. I like bringing a few pieces of home with me when I’m out of country like this.”

He looked at you, his eyes half lidded as he was right next to you. With him on his knees, he was finally your height, much easier to see you eye to eye. Gently, he grabbed your arms, lifting them up slightly to make it easier to slip your arms in. You helped him out, ducking your head under to get yourself in. As he pulled it down, he let his hands trail, outlining your body softly and delicately until he reached your lower hips. A shirt that was too small for him still went well below your pelvis, making it a very comfy nightshirt.

He wasted no time grabbing your hips and pulling you close, lifting his mask up and meeting your lips much easier at this height. You smiled and chuckled in the kiss, wrapping your arms around him as he hungrily devoured you. He was so cute when he was desperate and needy. When he broke the kiss he let out a sigh, looking deep into your eyes. “...I’m so glad you’re here, mein Mäuschen.”

You smiled, looking back at him just as lovingly. “I can say the same...” You let your hands gently drift down his shoulders and to his chest, drumming your fingers on his dark athletic jacket. “Now, I think you could switch into something more comfortable as well. I’m sure you don’t sleep with that mask on, do you?”

As you started laughing, he averted his gaze, the loving confidence in his eyes dropping as nerves took him over obviously. It made you cut your laugh short, knowing this was something that was more serious to him, spiking his anxiety.

“...Right... Y-yeah, you’re right, I don’t sleep with it on... I knew I was gonna have to take it off for you eventually... I just was putting it off in my mind I guess...”

He paused, still not looking at you and his grip on your hips faltering to just barely be resting on them. “...Are you worried I’ll not like you if I know how you look?”

He let out a big sigh, “That and nobody here has seen my face... or at least known they have... I know my head sticks out of the shower a little.” He let out a little chuckle, glancing at you a moment to gauge your reaction before returning to the floor. “I guess not showing my face kind of boosts what little confidence I have... but I can’t put it off...”

You brought one of your hands up to cup his cheek. He nuzzled into your touch, looking at you from the side as you spoke. “I promise... my opinion of you won’t change when I see your face... I’ll help you get more comfortable with it being shown, even if it’s just showing it to me. You’re helping me through this entire situation... I will return the favor, König.”

It was clear he was smiling as his gaze averted again, closing his eyes as he brought his hands to hold the one that was on his face, enjoying every second of the touch. He breathed deeply through his nose as he slowly opened his eyes, removing his hands to get himself up. “I may look a little odd too, as I still have this eye black on...” He walked over to his desk, opening a drawer and pulling out a towel, stained with other black smudges, and micellar water. He stopped for a moment as he set them on the desk and opened the drawer below, reaching into his cargo pants pockets, pulling out two bags of chips from the two on the side and three snack cakes from his regular front pocket. “...In case you get hungry while I’m gone.”

You started laughing at him pulling out so much food from his pockets, like a little Mary Poppins’ bag. You hadn’t even realized he snuck those away, though you remembered the poptart from yesterday, and it made sense how he was able to do it. As you wondered if he would be able to sneak you some more, he took a deep breath and pulled his mask from the front, letting it slide over the back of his neck as he slowly started to reveal himself. Short, messy bits of dirty blonde hair dripped over his neck. The way the light hit it, you could see very faint hints of the red, auburn tone hidden in there. He still kept his back to you, and you respected it by not peeking, though curiosity was about to kill you. He grabbed the towel, soaking it generously in the water and aggressively rubbed at his face. He put a little more water on it, folding it in half and rubbing it in a half-hearted attempt to clean it as he went in for another round, this time gently wiping using the other side of the towel.

He set the towel down and slowly, reluctantly, turned around. His eyes were closed the whole time, just barely peeking through a crack in his eye after a moment of being turned around. You saw the sliver of those beautiful blue eyes and took a step closer, wanting to see him even better. As he slowly opened his downturned eyes, you still saw the little bits of black makeup that stained his waterline, but somehow made his eyes pop more. His bushy eyebrow also remained stained slightly from the makeup as they turned up, concerned and worried as you kept looking at him in awe. His face was thinner, a slightly square jawline helping match his rather bulky frame. His nose was not quite thin, but also not wide, but from the side you could see the slight hook, the little bump of an aquiline nose. Possibly from it being broken as you saw it just barely tilt to his right. On his left, you had noticed it before when you first met him, and still felt it on occasion when kissing him; a scar going from the top left of his lip to just barely where his nostril started, but more so going onto his cheek. It wasn’t strong, but the pale skin contrasted to his surprisingly tan skin. It wasn’t like he was very tan, but for someone always covered head to toe and from Austria, he had a healthy glow to him.

His lips curled into worry as you remained silent, just looking at his face, taking in every inch of it. He opened his mouth to start to speak but you quickly silenced him, whatever bad thought he was about to voice about himself, as you brought your lips to his, kissing him deeply and passionately. He returned it just as hard, pulling your body close as he smiled softly, but seemed to fight the smile as you both continued. You pulled away, putting your hands on both sides of his face as he looked at you lovingly through half lidded eyes. Though he wasn’t the typical standard of beauty, not by a long shot, as you looked at him... those gorgeous blue eyes that always seemed to be both in bliss and hiding his broken past and thoughts.

“...Du bist sehr schön, mein König.” You were sure your German came out sounding a bit broken and stilted as you weren’t sure if you were saying the right thing. Clearly he didn’t care though as he quickly brought you to his lips again, holding you tightly against him as he hummed contently in the kiss. You smiled and laughed again as you kissed him back, loving hearing his little noises of approval as he kissed you lovingly.

“Und du bist perfekt,” he said while his lips were just barely pulled away from yours. You barely cracked your eyes open, seeing him as he looked at you with half lidded eyes, not with lust but with pure affection and tenderness. “...Mein perfektes Mäuschen.”

You pulled away slowly, taking another moment to look as he stayed smiling looking at you, but as your gaze continued his own gaze averted, looking at various places around the room and some spots on your own face and body. He did another little clearing of his throat, letting go of you as he stayed looking at the floor. “Well... now you’ve seen my face, we’ve gotten that out of the way, you should just... lay down. I’ll change myself and I’ll join you.”

You smiled as you saw him half heartedly smile at you, nodding in agreement as you turned, walking over to the bed. As you got yourself cozy under the comforters, you watched him, trying not to make it obvious as he clicked a button under the TV, turning it on. He kept his back to you as he pulled his shirt up and over. You admired the way his back muscles unintentionally flexed as he pulled it off, watching his large biceps as he tossed it into the ever growing pile of laundry. Even hearing the slight click of his belt made a spark shoot through you, though you knew you both were very exhausted and wouldn’t want to do anything tonight. Not after the day you’ve had. You watched him chuck his cargo pants over to the pile, letting out a little laugh as it slid slowly off the pile. He laughed as well, glancing back at you as he started walking to his dresser.

“Guess it’s a good thing I have to do laundry for you anyway, huh?”

You wanted to respond with something smart or cute, but just sat there, mouth slightly agape as you looked at his figure stunned. It was just as you felt through his clothes, muscular, but not fully chiseled. His pecs were huge and though his waist was smaller, it was only slightly as it led to defined abs. It complimented his large stature, making him both intimidating but even more enticing. He noticed you staring as the sunset hit him just right, the dark body hair he had turning auburn as he smiled again, the lopsided smile coming out fully as he chuckled. “Do you like what you see, Liebling?”

You giggled, feeling your face instantly turn hot as you were caught staring. “Hmm... can’t say I’m complaining. It really compliments your handsome face.”

He laughed again, shaking his head as he pulled out some grey sweatpants. “I would disagree but... My body is something I am more proud of... I worked hard because, well you can imagine hitting my height as a teen suddenly made more good fodder for people to bully me. I looked like a little baby deer.” He shook his head but kept smiling, memories coming back to him. “So, I wanted to even everything out. It helped the bullying stop, especially once I actually got into the military and could leave.”

“I think anyone bullying someone of your height has to be real stupid.” You chuckled, trying to reassure him.

“Oh, trust me... I was no pushover, I made sure they regretted it... Besides, that’s the only way they respected me. Seeing me fight back... they didn’t talk to me because they were scared. But that also meant they didn’t want to talk to me to mock me.” He shrugged his shoulders, brushing off his violent past as he pulled up his pants. Admittedly, hearing about his past, though it didn’t surprise you, still made you a little anxious. You worried about him possibly getting into something that was way over his head. Sometimes he seemed cocky, but sometimes with you he’d be reserved. You were sure on the field he would be way more confident.

“Is that why you joined? Does fighting make you feel more confident?” You tilted your head as you looked at him, walking over to the bed slowly as he thought it over in his head.

“Maybe... I don’t think of it that way but maybe somewhere in the back of my mind it does. I more so joined because it gave my fighting a purpose. It distracts me from everything else on my mind, I have to focus on what’s ahead of me or...” He paused, you both thinking the same grim thought. “...So, if it’s one of the few things I’m good at, why not hone in on it.”

He smiled softly as he sat on the edge of the bed. Though the bed was huge, his frame did take up quite a bit of it. You figured you two would just have to get close, not that you were complaining. He still had no shirt on, probably you had taken his last one since he needed to do laundry soon. Or maybe that was just a convenient excuse he was taking so he could have you even closer to him, to feel you on his own skin. He lifted the covers, scooting in to lay behind you, then pulled them back over. While his arm was over you, he propped himself up slightly, leaning over you to grab the remote. He left his arm draped over you as he started clicking through the channels.

“They don't give you any streaming services, huh?” You were trying to think of the last time you had to flip through channels to find something to watch.

“Heheh, no... one, I think someone could track us if they found whatever WiFi we were on and two, can you imagine how expensive it would be to get some ultimate account that could accommodate everyone here?”

You laughed slightly. “True but... I’m sure a company like this has the funds for it. But the WiFi thing you said is also a good point.”

He continued flipping through the channels, eventually looping back through until he stopped at some variety of cooking show with Gordon Ramsey. Based on the split kitchen, it was some Hell’s Kitchen re-run. He leaned back over you again, putting the remote down but slowed for a moment as he pulled back. He stayed there, slightly hovering and leaning over you. You gave him a small side glance, seeing him smiling as his cheeks were slightly red, turning slightly more as he noticed you caught him, but his smile did not fade.

“Du bist einfach so schön...” He brushed your hair behind your ear and continued to comfortably lay back, letting that arm settle right on your waist, his thumb gently rubbing your stomach through the shirt.

“I was going to ask...” You turned your head slightly to look at him the best you could while keeping your back to him. “I said schön earlier but that means, like, pretty or beautiful, right? Is there a word like handsome where like... it’s more masculine?”

He chuckled and you smiled, feeling his chest rumble against your back. “Well, I don’t mind you calling me schön. It’s pretty gender neutral but I guess the closest equivalent is hübsch. But they both mean the same thing.”

“I mean, pretty and handsome do in concept too but guys generally prefer not being called pretty.”

“I haven’t been called either so... I don’t care what you call me, I’m just happy you think that about me at all.”

Hearing that made you feel pity for him. You were sure people before could just look at his eyes, see how gorgeous they are, and thought it to themselves. Though they would never say it, intimidated by the rest of his form. “Speaking of calling you things and German, what are some pet names you’ve always wanted to be called? You’re always calling me Maus, Mäuschen, Liebling... I’m sure there’s ones you’ve heard and thought would be nice to hear.”

He hummed softly, thinking to himself. His fingers drummed softly on your side. You let your hand drop slowly, letting it rest on top of his hand and your fingers interlacing in between his. You felt him smile as he pressed his lips onto the back of your head, giving you a gentle peck and sighing softly. “Hmm... well you can call me Liebling too. That would be nice, especially coming from your lips... I think I’ve called you Schatz before. I don’t use it too much myself though. If you want an equal to Maus, Bär is one that’s common back home. It just means bear.”

“So, you’ve said chen makes a word mean small right? So if I called you Bärchen...”

He laughed heartily. It seemed like most times he held back his real, bigger laughs, but when he let them loose you loved it. It made you smile and laugh as well, hearing him filled with joy. “I mean, you’d be wrong describing me. But your German is correct. Du machst das gut, mein Liebling.” He brought his other hand that he was using to rest his head to yours, gently brushing your hair behind your ear as he let his fingers run through it. He let it rest above your head as he propped himself up, hovering above you and staring down at you. You could feel it and smiled, turning yourself onto your back to meet his gaze. He was looking at you dopily, pure awe filled as he took you in like it was his first time seeing you again. “Any other German you’d like to know, mein Mäuschen?”

You pulled your lips together as you thought, wondering if you should go with something that may be useful or something a bit more cheeky. “I is ich... want is...?”

“Will.” You loved the way he nearly bit his lip as it softly dragged against his top teeth saying the sound of the W.

“And to? Like ‘I want to...’?”

“It’s included with the will, no additional word is needed.”

You felt the way his hand wiggled his fingers against yours, still gently resting on your stomach and comforting you even more. “Kiss?”

His lids lowered as his smile increased. “Küssen.”

You smiled back as the blush on your cheeks brightened, thinking about the last word you had to learn. “You?”

He let out a little laugh as he leaned closer to you, leaving a few inches between your faces. “In this case, it’d be dich... but the word order will be different, so ich?”

He looked at you expectantly, the silence signaling he wanted you to repeat. “Ich.”

“Will... dich... küssen...” You repeated after him every word, smiling as it felt odd to be speaking another language. But him returning the joy made you feel better as you were actually saying it right. “Now put it together... say it faster...”

“Ich will dich küssen...” Your cheeks beamed as they grew hotter, especially as his eyes started to dart again, from meeting yours to watching your lips speak his native language.

“Und ich will dich auch küssen...” Before you could ask what auch meant, he brought his lips to yours, quickly closing the gap as your fingers interlaced and gripped his hand while kissing passionately. He let his other hand slip under your neck, pulling you closer to him. You wrapped your other arm around his neck in response to him pulling you up slightly, pulling yourself even closer. He gripped back with the hand that was holding yours, picking it up and gently putting it beside your head and holding it there, pinning you in place. As you started to smile, he slipped his tongue out, licking across your bottom lip, as if gently asking permission again. You let your mouth open slightly, letting your tongue meet his as you felt his grip tighten. His breath was hot on your cheek as he puffed out of his nose, letting his tongue explore deeper in your mouth. Slowly he pulled away, opening his eyes just as slow as his grip loosened, meeting your eyes again. “...Ich will dein Alles sein.”

You giggled as he immediately nuzzled into your neck, not even kissing, just attacking your neck with his face gently. Though he was clean shaven for the most part, you could still feel the little bits of facial hair tickle you. “What does that mean? You want...?”

“I want to be your everything,” he said breathily into your neck. “It’s so hard to describe how I feel about you, Liebling. I haven’t felt like this before in my life... Every part of me wants to protect you, care for you, make sure you're happy before anything else.” He leaned up again, looking into your eyes and just staring for a good moment. It was like he was completely awe stuck as he looked at you, mouth slightly agape. He took his hand out from under your neck and gently brushed through your hair. “...I want to do everything I can so I can wake up every morning and see this beautiful, smiling face looking at me with as much love as you are right now...”

You felt heat crawl up your face as you were called out for your own lovestruck look. You couldn’t help it as those crystalline eyes looked at you, shifting slightly as he took in the sight of you under him, the feeling of your hair between his fingers. It was true, he probably never felt this way before. He was so used to resorting to violence that feeling so soft and vulnerable around someone felt alien to him. But he was so willing to give himself to you, to enjoy this feeling he’s never had, you couldn’t help but admire and adore it... adore him even more. “Ich will dein auch Alles sein...”

He chuckled, making you blush even more knowing you messed up your German. He quickly gave you a kiss, reassuring you it was fine. “Close, meine Maus. Ich will auch dein Alles sein.”

You did a fake, over dramatic pout. “I don’t get German grammar... ‘I want also your everything be?’”

He laughed harder this time, getting off from being on top of you and laying back down behind you. “You’ll get it eventually, my darling. I know it’s hard but I’ll help you get through it. Now come on,” he took his muscular arm and draped it over you, pulling you in close to him again, “into my arms.”

You smiled widely and turned back on your side, scooting yourself into his loving embrace. He gave you a strong squeeze before releasing, letting out a relaxed breath as you settled in. “I always dreamed of having a beautiful girl in my arms while I dozed off... It’s even more relaxing when it’s real.”

You smiled, you could say the same, finding it hard not to just close your eyes and rest while wrapped in his arms, his body warm and comforting like a blanket in itself. You took both your arms and pulled them under and around his forearm, hugging it close to you. You gave in, shutting your eyes and taking in the whole feeling of him, hugging his arm like a teddy bear. He placed a gentle kiss on the back of your head before resting his chin on your head, keeping you very close to his body. You felt a shift behind you, the sounds of chefs screaming stopping. You cracked your eye open to see the TV off, darkness taking over the room. All you could feel was the little puffs of air from his nose as he breathed, his chest rising and falling, and the subtle beat of his heart. You nuzzled against him one final time, letting the relaxation take you as you fully fell asleep with him.

Translations! Endlich kann ich entspannen... Scheiße...- Finally, I can relax... fuck... ...Du bist sehr schön, mein König.- You are very beautiful, my König. Und du bist perfekt.- And you are perfect. ...Mein perfektes Mäuschen.- ...my perfect Mäuschen. Du bist einfach so schön...- You are just so pretty... Du machst das gut, mein Liebling.- You are doing well, my darling. Und ich will dich auch küssen...- And I want to kiss you too...

[andalon-historian]

Morgan’s childhood friend Galahad (as he was christened by the Lady of the Lake) was dubbed Sir Lancelot on his sixteenth birthday, four years ago at the time of our story. That’s what he would tell people, anyway, and as a consequence it became true. But it was a lie. 

Galahad left Avalon when he was fourteen, in a misguided attempt to become the hero he always knew he was meant to be; he stole a boat from the Lady, and sailed across the English channel. 

There are matters in which a stranger and one actually involved might agree, but those with a moderate level of knowledge get completely wrong, and sometimes the ease with which a character in a story could cross the English Channel is one of them. To the completely uninitiated, “The English Channel” might sound like quite a big deal; isn’t that the ocean? Just one guy in a rowboat? Really? But it doesn’t take very much education to dispel those fears; the Channel is one of the narrowest seas in the world. Humans have been crossing in rowboats for millennia. As of my writing this, nearly two thousand people have swam across the channel, the fastest doing so in under seven hours. It’s a common destination for amateur sailors. 

But you can’t just grab a boat and get sailing. Experience on a river will not adequately prepare you for sailing at sea. The Straits of Dover are only a 90 minute crossing (though you must remember, that’s on a powered modern ferry), but setting out from Avalon spit the boy out in the Bristol Channel; after spending a night, his lack of food started to pain him. The Summer fogs set in once Penzance disappeared over the horizon; he had at least managed to bring a compass, but as the waves grew higher, his knowledge that the boat was going off course made him no more able to prevent it. 

He had sailed dangerously close to Spain, but luckily capsized far enough North not to be swept away by the Southern current down towards Portugal and the Canaries; instead, the Channel swept him back towards Brittany, which was his intended destination. He undertook this journey in the hopes of freeing his father’s kingdom. He was raised as a fairy maiden, and assumed that’s all he was, until he came of age and the Lady of the Lake finally told him that he was born a prince, but his father and uncle were conquered and killed by the evil King Claudius. His cousins were still prisoners there. How could the mighty Galahad let such injustice stand? He had the strength of three men! The magic of Avalon ran in his blood! It was his divine destiny as decreed by royal blood to restore and rule the Kingdom of Brittany!

And so he washed up on the shores of Normandy, cold, starving, and barely conscious. 

This really wasn’t how Nimue raised him. 

Normandy was called Rouen at the time (the Vikings and the Franks wouldn’t arrive and intermingle into the Normans for at least four hundred years), and it was part of the Saxon Shore. Galahad washed up near a ruined, abandoned Roman Fort which had been erected to fend off the English pirates, but which now sheltered one group of them. It was this group that found the young Galahad and brought him to their campfire. 

The English in this region were a brutal warrior culture; they came from the East (what is now Germany) to raid and pillage, no better than the Vikings would be some centuries hence; they would go on to entirely replace and very nearly eradicate the native Bretons, and entirely eradicate the Breton way of life. They were the Gauls. The enemies of King Arthur and the Celts who called the island home. They would be the doom of Camelot. The boy had every reason to be afraid. 

But even the English are human, and humans have a narrow range of reactions to finding a cold, sick child in their camp. Galahad found a warm bed and a meal every night while he recovered. It wasn’t long before they put a sword in his hand and sparred with him-- and when they found out what he could do on the battlefield, every Englishmen to the last wanted him to stay in their clan. 

He hardly spoke their language (didn’t speak it at all, at first), but he helped them hunt, and he helped them weave (he had no hesitation to join in “women’s work,” and no one was mocking their best swordsman too loudly), and he made trips with them to Celtic villages to trade. He refused to help them fight other humans, of course. He had no way of telling defense from piracy. But there were hardly any opportunities too; actual raids were rare in the two years he spent with the English. 

Eventually, though, he killed a man. It was inevitable, really; Lancelot was a warrior, and it was death he sought when he sailed from Avalon. But nobody’s ready for their first. It’s never, ever easy. It was a man from another clan, who found Lancelot alone in the woods and assumed he could handle a teenage boy from a rival clan. He was wrong. 

And it was then when the English decided he had earned a new name: Alfwifer, their word for the thrown weapon of an elf. But Galahad didn’t want their English words, and he insisted on a proper name, a name from Brittany, meaning a javelin: Lancelin. In mockery, they called him Olaenk, meaning proud. And he was proud of his achievement, because he had always dreamed of taking on the name Lancelin; he imagined being dubbed a knight by the High King, and rechristened that name, and it made him smile. Perhaps he would have preferred to be rechristened for valiant acts in a tournament rather than warfare, but was this not what a knight does? He promised himself that next time, he would kill to protect the innocent, not just himself. 

Eventually, Nimue sent him a dream and he resolved to return to Britain. There was business to be done. From that point on, he would tell people his name was Sir Lancelot, and that he had been dubbed on a campaign overseas. 

All this to say: Lancelot was not knighted by nobility for his sanitary prowess at court. Lancelot knighted himself, and he did so while living among enemies and in violence, which he was doing because his bravery and perseverance was stronger than the sea. Try not to take from this that Lancelot was a sheltered prince who “found himself” by taking a few gap years to live in poverty overseas before his mom called him back home; although, you certainly could.  Try to take from this that Lancelot would not hesitate to do anything for the ones he loved-- not even for long enough to consider whether it would actually help.