#guys no. hes dying. badly. let him e disabled and let him be so fucking pissed that he is

[hershelchocolate]

So many fic ideas I want to write,,,,,,,but no alas I must resist,,,,,,I gotta get SOMETHING going for my graphic novel so I can actually start drawing the thing before I write anything else 😔

BUT ALSO WHAT IF I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT THE SILLIES

[verdigrisonamber]

Courier Six

Fallout New Vegas is my absolute favourite Fallout, because it’s fucking amazing. I only wish Obsidian had had longer to make it so they could flesh it out even further. The Legion don’t deserve to be the ‘straight up bad guys’ (especially when the NCR are so fucking hateful). And ED-E is my best friend ever. Here is some blurb about my Courier, Dolores. Name: Dolores Urquhart Nickname: Dolly, Aeris (Latin for Copper – Eye colour, hair colour being like verdigris.) Age: 28 Height: 5’7” Specials: STR 5, PER 5, END 7, CHR 8, INT 8, AGI 7, LCK 6

Eyes: Hazel Hair: Mohican, dyed teal Ethnicity: Caucasian Gender: Cis Female Body type: Athletic Sexuality: Bisexual Relationship Status: Friends with benefits/ Lovers Partner(s): FWB: Red Lucy, Jack (Great Khans) Lover: Vulpes Inculta. Family: Deceased. Mother (Jessica) & Father (Frank) were both Doctors (which is why Dolores is proficient in medicine). Dolores was 14 when they were murdered by raiders (looking for chems) that the NCR should have protected them against. No siblings or extended family.

Languages: English (first language), Spanish (asks Raul to help her become fluent) Disabilities/Illnesses/Injuries: Likely brain damage from being shot twice in the head by Benny. Multiple scars from injuries sustained whilst travelling. Scars: Forehead (left) scarring from when Benny shot her x2 and from Doc Mitchell’s surgery. Chest, head and spinal scarring from the Think Tank’s surgeries (the Auto-doc can only do it’s best to minimise these). Various limb & torso scars from buckshot & bullets, knife wounds to arms, scarring on knuckles from fist fights. Clothing: Regulator duster, Recon Armour, Stealth Suit MK II (the AI drives her mad and she is extremely grateful when Raul manages to silence it), Authority Glasses, Party Hat, Pre-War Spring Outfit, Sexy Sleepwear Fashion Style/Lifestyle: Wears Light armour to aid agility & movement, when relaxing likes to feel pretty (also likes to dress nicely for her lovers). Enjoys people’s reactions to wearing silly clothes especially if a situation is serious/tense. Weapon of Choice: Melee: Combat knife/Baseball bat. One handed guns: That Gun/A Light Shining in Darkness. Two-handed Guns: Hunting Shotgun/Sniper Rifle. Rarely uses Energy Weapons but likes Pew Pew. Doesn’t use Heavy Weaponry (she’s agile rather than strong). Skills: Proficiency with Repair, Lock-picking, Medicine, Speech. Has good endurance and athleticism (essential for Couriers). Will use Speech & charisma before resorting to violence. Weaknesses: Sarcastic, impatient, kleptomaniac Faction: Yes Man Friendly Factions: Caesar’s Legion. Due to relationship with Vulpes, she is able to trade with the Legion & visit the Fort. She saves Caesar’s life by scrounging parts for the Auto-doc (she isn’t proficient enough in medicine to perform the surgery herself). She carries out several requests by them but stops short of fully allying with them because of their treatment of women, her distrust of Lenius and her fears over the safety of Vulpes should Lenius take over the Legion from Caesar. Boomers: She realises they could be a great asset so clears out the ant’s nest and charms the kids with teddies, dinosaurs and rockets and finds herself readily accepted by the rocket-loving Boomers. Great Khans: Approves of their lifestyle & probably would have joined them if they had more power & influence. Enjoys a very casual relationship with Jack (until she meets Vulpes). Followers of the Apocalypse: Admires them greatly. Wishes she was a good enough person to join them. Attempts to aid Freeside because of them. Wishes Arcade would join with her, but he declines due to her reputation with Caesar. The Kings: Loves to visit The Kings to see Rex (H/C that The King & Rex are reunited once Rex gets a new brain), also enjoys the stage shows. Aided the Kings vs NCR because fuck the NCR. Hasn't as yet cashed in The King’s ‘favour’. Enemies: Is very careful to appear friendly to all factions, though loathes NCR. She thinks they are ineffectual, weak and will cause the collapse of New Vegas if they ‘win’. Hates bureaucracy & sees them as little more than ‘Enclave lite’. Of course blames them for her parents death. Fiends/Vipers/Jackals: Tries to keep far away from these groups as you cannot reason with them. Powder Gangers: Idiots with dynamite. Neutral Affiliations: Gomorrah: Despite herself, she finds Cachino charming, so helps him rid the casino of Big Sal & Nero. Warns Cachino that if he abuses any more women she’ll castrate him. Also aids Joana escape with Carlito. White Gloves: Stopped the cannibalism, would have burnt the whole place to the ground if she didn’t think the Strip needed the casino. Likes: Blamco Mac & Cheese, reading, repairing electronics & weapons, singing (badly) along with ED-E to the radio, dogs, Nuka-Cola, sleeping, exploring, hiking, hacking pre-war technology, swimming, fresh fruit, listening to Vulpes tell her tales from the Legion whilst they cuddle Dislikes: Cazadors, NCR, having your brain removed without being asked, stones under her bedroll, feeling cold, sleeping alone, litter/rubbish (can spend hours tidying before feeling comfortable somewhere. Both her parents were fastidious to the point of neuroticism and demanded cleanliness in the home as well as in their clinic, if Dolores is nervous or stressed she exhibits similar ‘clean freak’ tendencies to her parents.), bureaucracy & saluting. Friends: ED-E, Raul, Lily, Vulpes Inculta, Red Lucy, Jack (Great Khans), Rex, Fisto, Boomer kids Acquaintances: Boone, Veronica, Arcade, The King. Former friends: Cass (Cass disapproved of her relationship with Vulpes and her friendliness with the Legion, Dolores got fed up with being threatened by Cass so told her to fuck off, & wasn’t surprised or saddened when Cass did just that.) Enemies: Benny (feigned seduction, then stabbed him in the throat with a concealed switch-blade. Shot him in the head with Maria to make sure he was dead.) Personality: Sarcastic, dry sense of humour, intelligent, open, cheerful, charming, happy to help if she believes you are good for the world and her, sexually open. Trusts her gut feelings and easily becomes mistrustful; particularly after almost being murdered (you have to be or you’ll end up in a shallow grave), gets a thrill from stealing & finds it too hard to stop.                                   ______________________ Other info: Adores ED-E. Cried for a week after the Lonesome Road and wishes she could go back and blow everyone up to try to save ED-E #2 (Even though this doesn’t actually work in the game, you sadly lose the little dude no matter what you chose). Has Raul set up a long range radio receiver on ED-E #1, so she can find new radio stations because if she hears ‘Johnny Guitar’ just 1 more time she’ll kill someone. Loves travelling with Raul. He’s non-judgemental, funny, and she loves his Vaquero outfit. He helps her with her Spanish & repair skills, she helps him feel useful again. They make a great team of gunslingers. Raul moves from his cabin to live in Jacobstown in one of the spare cabins. Dolores is so happy she gets to visit Lily AND Raul when she visits Jacobstown. After Hoover Dam Doores is given one of the cabins meaning she can stay whenever she likes. Misses her ‘Grandma’ Lily and visits often when she feels it’s safe enough to return to the Mojave. Travelled with Boone to REPCONN but was terrified he’d kill her if he found out about her and Vulpes/The Legion, so let him return to Novac. Travelled with Veronica for a while. After returning from the Sierra Madre she tells Veronica about Christine, and together they return to the hotel so Veronica and Christine could be reunited. Knows she’s playing a dangerous game with the Legion and worries she’ll end up enslaved, and knows one day she’ll have to betray them. She is terrified of losing Vulpes or worse, that he’ll kill her or she’ll have to try to kill him. Tells Vulpes of her concerns re: Legate Lenius and begs Vulpes to leave the Legion & California before he’s murdered by Lenius. Vulpes disappears before the battle at Hoover Dam. 8 months later, Dolores can be seen travelling with a blond haired man and ED-E (the Playing Card set you can get from the Special edition has Vulpes with blond hair so this is why I h/c him bleaching his hair at the end as part of his disguise). Greatly enjoys being a Courier. She loves to explore and see other lifestyles and meet new people. The events of New Vegas take their toll on Dolores and she can feel her normally cheerful personality being whittled down. She becomes short tempered and judgemental, resorting more and more to violence. To try to temper this she spends time talking with Arcade. She knows how he feels about her affiliation with the Legion and is glad he still keeps friendly with her (despite declining to travel with her). Whenever she’s in Freeside or nearby, she makes a point to visit the Followers to not just add to her medical skills, but to spend time with those worse off than her so she can see how others are affected by the Legion & NCR. This helps her make up her mind to go with Yes Man.

[cuntess-carmilla]

This is just an extremely long vent post sparked by my brother. ^_^

(Reclaimed r slur by the end in reference to myself)

Someone explain to me how my brother can be so smart yet always soooooooooo fucking wrong in everything other than thinking cops and Piñera are scum.

Actually? I know exactly why! It’s because in his colossal immaturity coupled with his trauma of having always been told that he’s dumb because he’s autistic and the combination of mostly STUPID awful teachers and bullying was the actual reason why he did so badly in school after like 3rd grade. Which I get! But the way he ~copes~ with his inferiority complex is by being possibly THE most arrogant person I’ve ever known!

Ok, no, the most arrogant one was my ex-boss who sexually harassed me, but my brother (being actually a good just really frustrating person) comes 2nd. Besides that insecure arrogance, he’s way too driven by his gut feelings without supporting those gut feelings with reason or proper sources. Sometimes AGAINST proper sources. He ESPECIALLY doesn’t inform his gut feelings with other people’s opinions to form any sort of balanced collection of ideas to consider!

Given that he also has really bad anger issues (I’m fucking uncle Iroh post-war crimes compared to him) and represses every emotion that isn’t Wrath, a lot of the time his gut is just going by whatever position, POV or idea causes him the strongest emotional reaction - again, without proper research - that aligns with his like, misanthropy and sense of The World Inherently Sucks, so a lot of the time it’s motherfucking conspiracy theories! And he sticks to the position that took 5 minutes to convince him no matter what anyone says if they don’t passionately agree with him.

AND when someone doesn’t passionately agree with him, or innocently asks questions that could make his position be exposed as wrong or unfounded, he takes it as the grandest personal insult meant to make him feel stupid and if we try to tell him that disagreeing with him or even just not being sure what we think of the positions he adopts, he literally, legit says we’re just saying that to demonize him and make HIM out to be the psycho.

I love him but he’s wrong a lot of the time EVEN compared to my very fascist parents when it doesn’t come to specific local politics (ie. hating cops and Piñera). Don’t get me wrong, they’re fascists so I disagree with 99% of their views (the ones I agree with being stuff like “rape is bad” and “femicides shouldn’t happen”), my mom herself makes up a lot of insane fascist conspiracy theories, and both of them source their information from right-wing mainstream media.

But like... At least they try to form opinions based on (the sadly biased) information they can get rather than immediately making up their minds with NO space for questioning anything based on what aligns with their emotions?

Ok, my mom not so much but she’s only like that when it comes to subjects she thinks she knows well. When it comes to subjects she knows she’s ignorant of, she doesn’t do that. She’s open to asking questions, being corrected and thinking things through in those cases.

My dad is generally capable of all those things that my mom does when she knows she’s not knowledgeable enough in the subject at hand, and actually has a pretty decent capacity to admit he’s wrong when he’s proven wrong by undeniable facts! He knows too that a lot of his own ideas and perceptions can change through time and he’d rather be properly right instead of clinging to past ideas and perceptions just to never admit he was ever wrong. What’s more, he fully accepts that people aren’t always going to agree with him on everything and that’s not a fucking hate crime! What a concept.

So like, yeah I think their politics are wrong almost entirely lol. But I can at least... Think of them as relatively functional adults when it comes to that shit even if they’re wrong and stay very wrong? My mom does take some things more personally but never to my brother’s level.

Just minutes ago my brother was spouting conspiracy theories about COVID (you know the shit, virus was human-made, it’s a conspiracy by some secret society to kill people, etc) like it was objective fact. My dad has stayed away from watching or reading any news for the sake of his own sanity so he doesn’t actually know all the facts, BUT with the facts he didn’t know, he asked him where his information came from in a very neutral way, or filled in the spaces with reasonable logic and distrusting things that are obviously conspiracy-mongering.

Just that my dad didn’t immediately agree with him and put the things he was saying to question my brother started fucking yelling and victimizing himself. I was so fucking annoyed that I committed the crime of interfering not regarding the subject itself, but regarding how my brother was handling not being agreed with. He word by word said “OH, SO YOU AGREE WITH HIM?" I told him I wasn’t agreeing or disagreeing with anyone! Because I wasn’t! I was just trying to calm the dude down and TRY to teach him, for the billionth time, to learn how to take CONSTRUCTIVE gentle criticism and to handle others having a healthy minimum of skepticism regarding the extreme ideas he proposes out of the blue! You know. Like a fucking (by tomorrow) 22 years old guy SHOULD. Ah, yes, he’s not a fucking teenager! HE’S TURNING 22 IN 23 MINUTES FROM NOW.

THEN he started victimizing himself, WITH ME.

ME! THE ONE BITCH IN THIS HOUSE WHO ALWAYS ADVOCATES FOR HIS ASS, HAS ALWAYS TRIED TO LISTEN TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY WITHOUT DIRECTLY SHUTTING HIS IDEAS DOWN WHEN I THINK HE’S WILDLY WRONG BECAUSE EVEN THEN I MAKE SURE TO DISAGREE WITH HIM IN A WAY THAT HE DOESN’T PERCEIVE AS ME THINKING HE’S A STUPID PARANOID IMBECILE (paranoid he IS by the way!).

I’M THE ONE CUNT WHO’S ALWAYS TRIED TO MAKE THE REST OF THE FAMILY UNDERSTAND WHERE HE’S COMING FROM WHETHER HE’S RIGHT OR WRONG, WHO’S TRIED FOR YEARS (AND SUCCEEDED A LOT OF THE TIME!) TO TEACH THE REST OF THE FAMILY HOW TO ACCOMMODATE FOR HIM, HIS DISABILITY AND HIS TRAUMAS WHEN HE DOESN’T RETURN THE FAVOR TO ANYONE, SOMETIMES ASKING FOR MAYBE MORE COMPREHENSION AND PATIENCE FROM THE REST OF THE FAMILY THAN IT’S FAIR TO ASK FOR!

HELL. EVEN WHEN I TELL HIM OFF WHEN I GET PISSED AT HIM AND SAY PRETTY HEAVY THINGS TO HIM? I MAKE SURE TO ARTICULATE WHAT I’M SAYING IN A WAY THAT SHOWS COMPASSION AND IS COMPLETELY CODDLING IN TONE SO HE DOESN’T FEEL PERSONALLY ATTACKED. EVEN HE SAYS I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO “LISTENS” TO HIM.

THIS EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED DUDE WHO BREAKS FURNITURE AND DESTROYS OUR FOOD WHEN HIS ANGER OR ANXIETY TAKE OVER, WHO DOES NOT LET ANYONE SEE HIM VULNERABLE UNLESS HE’S HAVING A MELT DOWN ONLY BECAUSE THEN HE CAN’T STOP HIMSELF FROM CRYING? HE USUALLY TRUSTS ME ENOUGH TO HAVE CRIED ON MY SHOULDER MANY FUCKING TIMES.

AND HE ACCUSES ME OF JUST WANTING TO MAKE HIM SEEM LIKE HE’S THE INSANE DUMB DELUSIONAL AWFUL PERSON, SO I CAN SOMEDAY USE THIS INSTANCE AGAINST HIM IN ANOTHER “FIGHT”, WHEN I’VE NEVER FUCKING DONE THAT EVEN WHEN HE, TO BE HONEST, DESERVED IT? SERIOUSLY DUDE? FOR FUCKING REAL?

I’M THE ONE YOU’RE GONNA ACCUSE OF THAT WHEN I SPEND MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE CODDLING YOUR PETTY ASS, PROTECTING YOU, BEING A SECOND MOTHER AND CHARGE FREE SHRINK TO YOU?

OR PULLING ALL-NIGHTERS TO HELP WITH YOUR COLLEGE HOMEWORK WHEN I’VE HAD CLASSES TOO THE NEXT DAY? SOMETIMES DOING THE WHOLE COLOSSAL PROJECT ALONE THE NIGHT BEFORE IF I REALIZE YOU’RE TOO BRAIN FOGGED, FATIGUED OR TRIGGERED TO DO ANYTHING WITHOUT GETTING SUICIDAL OR SOMETHING? SENDING YOU TO BED WHILE I DO YOUR SHIT AND DON’T SLEEP AT ALL? SOMETIMES GROUP PROJECTS WHERE YOU WERE GROUPED WITH LAZY ASSHOLES SO I’M DOING THE WORK OF 4 PEOPLE ALONE THE NIGHT BEFORE? FOR FREE?

M E ?

BITCH, I DON’T EVEN WANT A MEDAL OR TO BE THANKED BECAUSE BEING THANKED FOR ANYTHING MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE! BUT COME THE FUCK ON. I’D JUST APPRECIATE NOT BEING SLAPPED ON THE FACE IN RETURN, YOU KNOW?

*insert gif of Disney’s Hades exploding in red fire then calming down 2 seconds after*

Like you just! Can’t fucking have an adult conversation with this dude if you’re not validating him without question! You can’t! You can’t have any level of healthy friendly debate with him! You can’t beg him to be reasonable! YOU CAN’T!

He was saying “BUT IT’S OBVIOUS”, my dad asked CALMLY “With what proof?”, then it was “WELL, IT’S OBVIOUS TO ME”, then “That’s an opinion, not a fact. We can google the number” and OH MY GOD!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!

Then to ME he was all “YOU JUST LOVE TO BE RIGHT, DON’T YOU?” calling US immature and saying WE are the ones who don’t want to listen to a different opinion!!!!! When I told him he fucking loves being right he victimized himself again with a “WELL, FOR ONCE I’D LIKE TO BE!”

I was about to tell him, with the last dying bit of my patience, that yeah, like most people I do actually like to be right and I like it a lot! But that being right requires actual fucking work and THINKING rather than just going by whatever supports your misanthropic Kill Society angry feelings, and the moment you’re proved wrong YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR POSITION IN ORDER TO BE RIGHT, BECAUSE IF YOU CLING TO YOUR DEBUNKED FIRST BASELESS CONVENIENT OPINION OUT OF PRIDE THEN YOU’RE OBJECTIVELY WRONG AND A PISSBABY.

But I didn’t get to say that because something else interrupted it and then things cooled off while, like a good Scorpio Mars, I’m still endlessly ruminating on and won’t forget about the rest of my life as much as I’d actually LOVE to be able to forget this instance of him being an idiot. 8)

Like, does this motherfucker not fucking get that unless I already know the subject thoroughly and have a fully fleshed Opinion, I don’t often give opinions out loud BECAUSE I try to first shape my thoughts properly and THAT’S why I tend to be fucking right? That that’s why I always have a lot of arguments and am so certain of what I think, because I’m so insecure that I only fucking talk when I’m 99.999999% confident in what I have to say, rather than it being because I’m an inflexible asshole who thinks is better than him!

And he’s seen it. He’s fucking SEEN ME acknowledge when I’m wrong!!!!! Including the times I’ve been wrong TO HIM.

In all honesty I don’t enjoy admitting when I’m wrong (in big part BECAUSE I put a lot of effort into articulating the ideas I’m standing by!), but when I realize that I am, just out of a minimum of maturity and sense of DIGNITY - because I’d find it so fucking humiliating to not acknowledge being wrong when it’s obvious that I am to everyone involved and I can no longer defend my point - I still do it!

Bitch, you said it yourself, I LIKE TO BE RIGHT. I’m going to side with what I genuinely think is right even if I used to think it was wrong! There’s a motherfucking reason that as a teenager I was a Pinochet apologist, Gays Go To Hell, Communism = Evil / Capitalism = Freedom, pro-life, Catholic and now I’m THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF ALL OF THAT.

Does he think it didn’t hurt my pride to discover one-by-one that my views were absolute shit? IT DID AND GOD KNOWS MY PRIDE IS SENSITIVE AS HELL. Does he think it wasn’t depressing to have my whole world views destroyed? I NEED TO STAND ON FIRM GROUND ON EVERYTHING OR ELSE I LOSE MY SHIT, IT WAS AWFUL TO SUDDENLY HAVE MY WORLD VIEW WRECKED. Does he think I didn’t try to argue for my WRONG ideas for as long as I still thought I had decent arguments to back them up? OF COURSE I DID, I BELIEVED IN THEM FOR A REASON, AS WRONG AS I WAS.

But I changed! I changed when I no longer had any space left to think I was right! And I operate the same way with my current positions and ideas now! Dude, I tend to be right over you BECAUSE I don’t immediately get set on the first thing that makes me feel emotionally Validated, unlike you! You ARE smart but you’re SO driven by your own colossal yet insecure ego that you don’t even BOTHER to be critical of your own thoughts and all your potential goes to waste.

I ruminate on every single little thing obsessively, to my own detriment, being my own Devil’s advocate having an ruthless debate against myself in my mind, starting off COMPLETELY insecure about my own thoughts, paranoid trying to imagine in what way I could possibly be proved wrong by someone else if I said my ideas out loud and how to hold my stance in case it happens. I NEVER say my ideas out loud to people who I think know more than me or are smarter than me, to not make a fool of myself in front of anyone because I’m a coward and I was also bullied into firmly believing I’m a fucking retard!

All of that pathological effort because I actually don’t think I’m better than you or anyone else! I think I’m really fucking stupid! So I overthink it all endlessly and by PRINCIPLE I distrust and question my own thoughts and perceptions at every single second. For hours, days, weeks, months, EVEN YEARS.

That’s why when I do speak I’m one of those annoying bitches who have an answer to everything! BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU’D TRY TO PROVE ME WRONG ON THAT FRONT ALREADY AND I DON’T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT HUMILIATION SO I ALREADY HAD THAT SHIT COVERED BEFORE I DECIDED TO SAY ANYTHING.

And nothing in that exhausting, paranoid process guarantees I’ll be correct! So even when I firmly think I’m right I keep it to myself some more in case that maybe two years later or something I’ll discover a flaw in my thought process.

It’s so tiring, it’s so fucking tiring how EVERYONE who knows me from afar or from very FUCKING close, thinks that any and every one of the fucking things I achieve just fell into my stupid hands out of the sky by mere luck because God felt like giving me an easy ride that day. They ALL think I’m some arrogant bitch for the very few things I don’t doubt anymore when I try my best to be humble as long as I don’t humiliate myself! But I’m SURE they all think I’m a conceited lucky show off!

EVERY TIME I’m for fucking once proud of anything I achieve, people tell me to my fucking face that I’m just naturally and inexplicably talented, taking away any merit of my fucking own.

Like it’s a FUCKING compliment that, supposedly, everything I’ve achieved by pushing myself to my limits despite being at a disadvantage in so many areas, destroying my already ill body and breaking my autistic little brain, barely sleeping for days, having panicked crying fits where I self-harm because it’s not good enough and I don’t know how to make it right... What I finally accomplish by putting in all that effort, self sabotage and sacrifice?

Oh, it just fell into my hands because I’m THAT blessed, apparently! It’s all just LUCK AND TALENT I DIDN’T DO A THING TO EARN! I’m SO lucky and effortlessly talented! I feel SO fucking flattered!!! :) Thank you SO much! :) I’ve never EVER doubted myself also! :D