#guys i’ve had tumble for YEARS but this is my first post

[pouringoutmythoyghtsbefore1drown]

hellooooo (i have no idea what i’m doing here)

Pronouns: He/Him

Im not a minor.

DO NOT message me sexual stuff, random links or anything like that

DO feel free to ramble and share thoughts about things

idek what imma be posting about

I won’t be posting explicit or sexual content because i’m just not into it lmao

i’ve had tumble for a while but now i’ve finally made an account to post stuff

i’m tired of merely writing shit out in my notes app

there’s just something about sharing random ideas with people on the internet and not having to see them irl

yippee digital footprint

[martinsluvr]

coffee and basketball

pairing: kate martin x fem reader! 2022-2023 season!

warnings: fluff! friends to lovers trope!? small mention of drinking! mentions of anxiety/fear of love!

authors note: pls be gentle this is my first fic

—

dec 5th 2022 ~ post iowa win against iowa state (dec 4th). score 70-57. kate martin with 13 points.

reader’s pov

the energy in iowa city was booming after last night’s win. i’ve been working at this coffee shop in iowa city since my freshman year of college and i’ve become accustomed to talking “game talk” my entire shift the day after a game, and if any of the players decide to stop in to do homework or for a quick drink, i sympathize as i watch them get trapped into nonstop conversations about basketball. iowa city is extremely proud of and cherishes our women’s basketball team, and quite frankly you never hear the end of it when you’re living here.

our coffee shop gets quite busy everyday, and my shift passes by with ease. as i’m finishing making the last order i took before clocking out, i see two familiar blondes walk in.

“hiiii!!! great game you guys!! your usuals today?”

“hey y/n thank you, yes please! how are you? when are you actually going to come to a game in person!” monika exclaimed. after working here for so long, we’ve developed a genuine friendship, sometimes catching up for a drink or just enjoying each other’s company in our apartments.

“i know, i know.. i promise i will before the season ends!” i laughed as i made their drinks. “kate, you did really good last night, i really wish i could’ve been there”.

i could see kate blushing out of the corner of my eye as I finished making their drinks, and monika nudging her. “y/n i am going to drag you to the next home game myself, kate always looks around and hopes you’re the-“ monika was interrupted by kate obnoxiously faking a cough attack. i laughed, blushing and handed them their drinks. as i handed kate her drink, our fingertips slightly touched and we made eye contact.

“in the meantime maybe we can go to open gym tonight? i can rebound for you and give you time to reenact some of your moves from the game for me” i said as i smiled up at kate with my eyebrows raised. although i was NOT short, yet kate disagrees, she was still 8 inches taller than me as I stood at 5’4. “we can meet at my apartment at 6 if you’re up for it”.

kate knew what i was doing. i knew what i was doing.

kate’s pov

my palms were immediately sweating. i looked down at her and honestly just forgot every single thing she’s said since i walked in because i cannot stop looking at her eyes and how well they compliment her dark hair, she just dyed it - i can tell. My eyes scan over her exposed tattoos on her arm and i quickly look back into her eyes so i don’t look like more of a creep than i already do.

“6pm is good. i’ll be there. at 6”, i tried playing it cool. she laughed, shaking her head and saying her quick goodbyes as she had to rush to her 2 o’clock class.

“you know you said 6 twice. i think she knew what time considering SHE asked YOU” monika explained while almost tumbling over laughing. “i mean kate, you should’ve seen your face. you two have been doing this for a year now. why have you not made a move on her? she’s clearly interested in you”

i sighed, “monika I don’t know. i really do like her but it’s just scary. i don’t know if i can commit to something, especially right now. basketball is our life and how will someone ever be able to fall in love with me if i can only see them for a few hours a week?” monika rubbed my shoulder and brought me in for a hug.

“just because you are a D1 athlete does not mean this is your entire life. you still deserve to have a life outside of basketball, and if anyone, she would be the most understanding” monika said, “you’ve got to make a move before she gives up. i know she’s into you kate. you deserve to feel and be loved”.

she really always was right.

we spent the rest of the day doing homework together and making lunch. as it got closer to 6, i could feel the knots in my stomach getting worse. luckily, we lived in the same apartment complex so it was a quick walk to her apartment.

5:55pm and i’m already at her door. is that too early? too desperate?

i knock a few times to let her know i’m here. i could just say i came early so i could see her cats

i looked down twiddling my thumbs, patiently waiting.

“coming!” i heard faintly from her apartment. she opened the door and quickly embraced me.

“kate hi! i just have to feed my cats before we leave so just come in for a minute” she said while frantically trying to feed her cats before they tried jumping into the food. i stepped into her apartment and patiently waited, laughing as her cats were jumping up her legs and meowing.

“you know, i’ve always been a dog person but i love your cats. they are just so adorable and have such a personality” i remarked.

“hah yeah, you can take them whenever. they are the best for cuddling but feeding them is still terrifying” she laughed.

she collected her bag, which i offered to hold, her water bottle and keys. we locked up her apartment and walked down to her car.

“midnights?” we asked in unison, both laughing after realizing we jinxed each other. i adore that she loves taylor swift almost as much as i do. i plugged in my phone to her aux and shuffled the album. as we started driving to our practice gym, i couldn’t help but steal glances at her, imagining what it would be like if we were more than friends, if i wasn’t so scared, i thought. i wouldn’t be afraid to hold her hand or her thigh while one of us drives. i wouldn’t be afraid to kiss her at every red light. i wouldn’t be afraid of love with her.

we pulled into the parking lot and i quickly grabbed both of our bags, and we made our way inside. no one had the practice gym booked for tonight, so it was just us. i put in my code to enter the gym, and we settled our stuff down.

“so.. what are we doing today coach kate” she smiled widely at me. i grinned and grabbed the rack of basketballs, pulling it next to the free throw line.

“well, let’s work on some free throw shots first”.

reader’s pov

after an hour of rebounding for kate and even taking some shots for myself, i decided to line myself up at the free throw line. i was never one to play sports, but i’ve always loved watching them. i’ve always been so jealous of people’s hand-eye coordination, as it never seemed to work for me which led to me burying myself in studies and clubs for years.

i try to fix my form like kate taught me, then launched it.

miss.

again, i grabbed another ball and launched it.

miss.

and again, and again. miss. miss. miss.

kate stifled a laugh watching me, and as i turned to glare at her she put her arms up in surrender.

“here, let me help you. we’ve already gone over this y/n, are you missing on purpose?” she questioned. i shook my head, my breath getting faster the closer she got to me. i faced the basket with the ball in my hands hoping to hide my blush.

“here, move over a little” kate said as she put her hands on my waist, moving me to the right a little. “now put your right hand here, and your left hand here” she said as she guided my hands from behind. all i could focus on was her breath on my neck and how close our bodies were without touching. “now shoot”

straight net.

“see! you can do it! but, can you guard me?” she questioned as she quickly knocked the new ball out of my hands, dribbling away from me.

“kate, of course i can guard you” i laughed chasing after her. we played 1 on 1 for a few minutes, her scoring on me multiple times and me not even able to keep the ball in my hands for more than a minute. as i jumped up to block her shot, i tumbled over her as we both fell to the ground. her arms were quick to grab my waist to ensure i fell on her instead of the hard wood court.

“kate!” i exclaimed laughing, “you could’ve hurt yourself and lisa would have actually hunted me down and killed me!”

we were both laughing as i rolled off of her and laid next to her on the ground. she turned over to look at me with a wide smile. we grabbed each other’s hands as we helped each other up, yet i stumbled into her again.

“a little clumsy tonight aren’t we?” she teased. her hands hesitant to continue holding my waist as we stood centimeters apart.

“i guess you just make me a little nervous” i confidently stated. our eyes stayed locked in for a minute, and for a split second i swore i saw her look at my lips, until she quickly pulled away almost breaking out in a sprint to our bags.

“we should get going, the janitors will be here soon to start locking up” she hurriedly said.

with a heavy sigh, i walked towards the exit grabbing my keys and water bottle as we made our way to the exit.

-

the car ride to the apartment complex was silent. i felt uneasy. is it me? is she just not into me? i thought. as i pulled in to my spot, kate offered to walk me back up to my apartment. the walk was long,

and silent. as i got to my door, i pulled out my key as fast as i could to unlock the door. “thank you for walking me kate, goodnight” i said as i tried rushing into my apartment. before i could shut my door, she put her hand out to hold it open”

“wait y/n,” she hesitated, “there’s been something i’ve been meaning to do for a while now”. kate strides towards me, reaching out to put one hand on my hip and one hand on my check, quickly pulling me up towards her and before i knew it, she kissed me.

she really kissed me.

her lips were soft. i could feel our smiles through the kiss and my heart nearly beating out of my chest, i wonder if she felt it too. kate pulled away first, looking down at me smiling, moving both hands to my cheeks.

“goodnight y/n” she said as she kissed my forehead. she backed away towards the door, and left before i could say a word.

i sheepishly slid my back down the cold wooden front door and made my way down to the floor. between the heat on my cheeks, tingling sensation on my lips, and the sound of my heartbeat thumping through my chest, nothing else in the world mattered in that moment. i delicately brought my finger to my lips, trying to relive the feeling through the sensations. my cheeks were hot and hurting. 'have I ever smiled this big in my life?', I thought. my legs slightly shaking as i slowly got up, making my way through my apartment to my bedroom. everything was bright even with all of my lights off. i sat down at my vanity, staring at myself in the mirror. through the slight shine of the exposed moonlight, i could see the red and pink flush all over my face. my phone buzzed in my sweater pocket. 

i had a great time, the text read, see you tmrw for my usual? :)

i held the phone to my chest tightly, feeling the coldness of the screen through my clothes, but nothing else was cold. everything was warm because she kissed me.

[atmilliways]

Wrong On The Money (1-3)

parts 1, 2, & 3 of ?? | 888 words | Teen+

Blackmail fic on Ao3 | on tumblr

Summary:

Wayne is sick and they don't have the money for the treatment he needs. Eddie, desperate and spread thin between school, a part time job, and dealing, spots Steve outside of a gay club and opts for blackmail. Steve, who has heard about Wayne through Dustin... just sort of lets him.

I started writing this while Ao3 is down. Haven't quite finished it yet, but I've got 6.7k written so far, so I should be able to do daily posts for at least a while!

Now also posted on Ao3.

Quick note, if it helps anyone who might be hit too close to home by Wayne's serious but relatively brief health scare. First, he's going to be fine. I love Wayne, I wouldn't do that to him. Second, Dustin's mind goes straight to cancer when he hears that it's serious serious, but Wayne's illness is never specified. The only symptoms described are basically a cough and general weakness/fatigue.

1.

Dustin is really upset one day after school, the day he tells Steve about his dad. 

Steve had never asked, alright? It was family shit, and that kind of thing was. . . . Well, not sacred, he can’t even think that and keep a straight face, but definitely private. There could’ve been any number of reasons why Mr. Henderson wasn’t around. 

Turns out it was cancer.

And . . . it’s not insensitive to wonder, right? Steve doesn't know if it’s an anniversary or if someone’s been giving him shit at school about not having a dad or something. So, after a few bumbling questions about why this is upsetting him now, an explanation comes tumbling out.

The leader or president or whatever of the nerd club Dustin joined at the start of the year had to cancel their game this week. “Eddie never cancels, Steve,” Dustin insists, eyes red from crying and voice gone all squeaky. “And we were giving him shit about it, we all were, even the upperclassmen guys, and he. . . he j-just broke, Steve. Said his uncle is r-really sick, bad sick, and I know what that means. They don’t have the money for treatment. He’s Eddie’s only family, and he’s probably going t-to. . . .”

Steve regrets dropping Robin off at her house first today. She might not know what to say either, but at least they’d be in this together. “Dust, that’s. . . . That’s awful.”

Turns out he doesn’t have to say anything else, because Dustin thumps against him and bawls his eyes out. 

2.

“It was awful, Robs,” Steve says, rubbing a hand over his eyes as he talks into the phone. “I haven’t seen him like that since after Starcourt, when we had to tell him about Hop.”

Robin’s wince is audible in her reply. “Yeah, that's. . . . That’s pretty bad.”

“Yeah.” He heaves a sigh, hoping it’ll get some of the constricted feeling out of his chest. It doesn’t.

“Steve? Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.” It’s just, he hates it. Hated it then and hates it now, because both times there’s no way for him to jump between Dustin and this thing. “Everything was starting to sort of feel okay again, and then suddenly there's Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson and his uncle, who I’ve never even seen in my life—”

“It’s not about the Munsons, Steve,” Robin says gently. “You and Dustin have that ‘you die I die’ thing. He’s like your kid brother who annoys the shit out of you, but you love him to death anyway. And right now he’s sad but you can’t do anything to help.”

Lifting his face from his hand, Steve looks around the room. He’s on the big comfortable couch in his big fucking house with too many rooms, all empty except for this one. His parents are never home, always away on business trips that got way more frequent after Barbara Holland disappeared from a party he’d hosted. They send money—not an allowance, not since he didn’t get into any of the colleges he’d applied to. But the utility bills are always paid up, and a gardener still comes around to do lawn maintenance every other week.

He wonders how the cost of maintaining a house they don’t live in compares to the cost of whatever kind of treatment Munson’s uncle needs.

Doesn’t let himself wonder if it would make a difference, but he knows that treatments don’t always work. It hadn’t, apparently, for Dustin’s dad.

“Yeah,” Steve agrees heavily. “I know.”

3.

The nice thing about being done with high school and working weekends at a shitty retail job is, Steve can do whatever he wants on some weekdays. As long as he doesn’t have a shift that starts before noon the next day, anyway. Which he doesn’t.

So, a few days after Dustin’s revelations, Steve drives up to the nearest outskirts of Indy. Eventually he ends up in one of those clubs that he and Robin have been researching how to find.

He tells himself that he’s scoping it out before he brings her, but he wants to get lost for a while. Empty his head out of things he can’t do a damn thing about—the Upside Down, the monsters, the Russians, the Munsons, the memories of Dustin crying and, just for funsies, of Nancy calling him bullshit. Because that’s always somewhere in the mix, these days.

Fill it back up with music and movement. Not with drinks, because he still has to get himself back to Hawkins in one piece.

He goes and he dances and he sweats. Sometimes guys dance with him, and Steve goes with it. Who cares? No one knows him here, it doesn’t mean anything.

Turns out, it does mean something after all. 

When Steve finally stumbles his way out of the club, he finds none other than Eddie Munson sitting on the hood of the Beemer he’s been buying off of his parents in installments. (Their idea. It’s a ‘pay for it or lose it’ kind of deal.) 

The buzzing under his sweat-tacky skin—satisfaction at successfully getting out of his head—fizzles out. He keeps walking and stops when he draws even with the car. 

Eddie Munson, looking tired and prickling with restless energy, and exhales a cloud of smoke and vapor into the chilly air. “Hey, man. What’s a nice boy like you doing in a place like this?”

[flagbridge]

Raoul de Chagny uniform inspiration, and general Raoul Navy musings

élève-officier ("elof") at the Borda in Brest, 1880s.

British Sub-Lieutenant (equivalent of an Ensign in the US or French Navies), approximately 1860 (by Ann Mary Newton)

Graduating students and faculty of L'Ecole Navale on board the Boarda, 1891

As some of you know, I love writing Raoul. My next projects after All Vows ends are mostly Raoul-centered, and I'm pretty deep in my research. I’ve tumbled absolutely headlong into researching La Baille (nickname for the French naval academy), and it’s amusing how across time and distance, so much of initial military training is unchanged. Even though I cosplay Christine, Raoul actually ends up being the character who I give most of my own life experience because I am, in fact, a Sailor. When I'm writing Raoul POV about being at sea, I sometimes use my own journal entries from past deployments when I was underway on the USS NEVERSAIL somewhere in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

I get a lot of questions about Raoul's uniform, so I'm sharing some of the above (hello talented artists, could we PLEASE get more Raoul Navy Phanart, I am BEGGING YOU)

élève-officier ("elof") at the Borda in Brest, 1880s.

This is exactly what Raoul's midshipman uniform would have looked like. As you can see from the photo from 1891, the uniform from that time and even a decade later is the same. Naval uniforms, especially dress uniforms change very infrequently. My dress uniform that I wear in 2024 is the same one that was designed by Mainbocher in 1941!

The term "élève-officier" translates literally to "student-officer", although most translate it as "officer candidate", which isn't inaccurate. They were then classified by year, so a first year student would be an élève-officier fourth class. However, the British and American term for a naval cadet is a "midshipman" which is often abbreviated to "mid". So "elof" is basically directly translated to "mid". However, there was an additional naval trainee rank, called "Aspirant". This was assigned to the naval cadets when they embarked for their tour du monde on actual warships. It's a unique rank that's basically a desgination that the individual is a senior at the academy--like a "Midshipman First Class", the term to describe seniors at the US Naval Academy.

2. British Sub-Lieutenant (equivalent of an Ensign in the US or French Navies), approximately 1860 (by Ann Mary Newton)

I couldn't find a good picture of a young/junior officer from this era in the French Navy but FUN FACT! The French Navy underwent a uniform shift in 1883. The officer uniform was largely unchanged, however, that short coat and triangular hat that we often associate with the end of the age of sail was phased out as a dress uniform. So it's possible that Raoul had a dress uniform very much like this around the time of Phantom of the Opera, but it was on its way out. The rank is accurate though! So if Raoul went to the opera in uniform in about 1881? This is what he would have looked like.

3. Graduating students and faculty of L'Ecole Navale on board the Borda, 1891

The uniforms were the same when Raoul would have graduated, and that is the Borda that is mentioned in the book. In my head this is Raoul's senior class photo (even though it's 10 years later), complete with a few guys who have no idea what's going on and aren't looking at the camera.

PotOmer Day 15: HEADCANON/Raoul Navy Uniform Musings

Between April 23 and June 11, I am posting 49 days of POTO content to mark the Omer, except on Shabbat. Previous days below the cut line.

Day 14: GIFSET-Ethan Freeman bows to the monkey.

DAY 13: LEROUX: HAPPY BIRTHDAY GASTON LEROUX (Ethan Freeman Reads Leroux)

Day 12: FANFIC: All Vows Chapter 38: my longfic that will be concluding at the end of May.

Day 11: (no post, Shabbat)

Day 10: FANFIC: All Vows Chapter 10 (Catch Up)

Day 9: ADAPTATION: Ghost of Zariya Hollow

Day 8: HEADCANON: Christine's Swedish Accent

Day 7: COSPLAY Hannibal Slave Girl Bodice Construction

Day 6: GIFSET: Raouls who make choices appreciation post

Day 5: PHIC UPDATE: All Vows Chapter 37! (And a bonus gif of Lily and Jon)

Day 4: (No post, Shabbat)

Day 3: GIFSET: Cape Twirl Comparison, Current West End Phantoms ('23-'24)

Day 2: BRAINWORM: "Ne Me Touchez Pas"

Day 1: GIFSET Robyns/Kerhoas: The Kiss

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

Heroin addiction hello,

this is me my name is heroin, I am more expensive than gold, but you will pay more for me. I’m like a diamond you want me you you wanna wear me you wanna wear me all over your body you wanna be me you wanna be inside my body, you want me to take the pain away like a hug like a hug used to do like a kiss like being in love used to, my name is Cherry and I’m a heroin addict I’m not some 12 stepper I kind of wish I was so I kind of wish I didn’t get the vibe that it was a cult , but maybe it is but who said all Colts are bad well this person right here was see. I’m also autistic I have a strong time of the past, I’ll tell you what this addiction has taken everything away from me. Let’s go back and let’s go back to 10 years ago. Roughly let’s go to the 3rd of December 2012 when I met this man who to this day, I can’t get out of my head see this man🕰️ introduced me to this awful awful thing, but at the same time he kept me away distance control. Yes I get it on the first night I met this man me off my feet. I was telling him about my situation ship and he was very compassionate. He was very understanding and it sort of Started there and went on the next five years, I was hooked line and sinker .

So the first night I met this man he was with my friend I met with, and I can still tell you everything about it that night it had to be one of the best nights of my life as I sit here now with tears in my eyes, five years later, I remembering things when I write, I wanted to be writer when I write I want to I remember And I started my life story again I’ve been with him for awhile see you inspired me be a bad person being with me and made me wanna be better and we had this little secret but let’s go back to the question because I’m very good at track no drugs happened it was just drinking Maybe smoking weed because I did back then but I was just talking it was like talking to someone I’d know my whole life and when you’re autistic this doesn’t happen often I hadn’t been diagnosed then but he had both bonded over the fact that we both had personality disorders and that we didn’t fit into society boxes, but now as I see it, I see it. I do but This man had a complete control over me. He had literally just had a baby with somebody who he’d been with for 10 years. He told me it was over, but yet they just had a baby a month prior premature, I didn’t want to take this woman’s man I didn’t want to take away this father, so I said don’t chase me, so on the days that he saw his child up at the hospital still, he would come back really quickly like he hadn’t even been there at all. I know that he had a premature baby. Yes I do I don’t know the whole truth of it I never will Until years though, when I spoke to his ex and I still don’t know the whole truth and why the fuck should she have to tell me anyway but all night he painted her is a villain same as I did with my ex yes as a personality disorder, everyone else is a bad guy You never the bad guy until it all comes tumbling down and you hate yourself and you wanna cut yourself or burn yourself so I trigger on this post but I have to say this I have to be honest with myself I must’ve liked it the fact that my family my family was born into because I don’t have kids that’s another sad part of this story is, I can’t Maybe it’s sick but there you go. They treat this man as an outcast just as much as I treated me as an outcast. I feel he wasn’t allowed to my sisters birthday party even though my sister was married to a literal word rapist still in prison for it now, and all the other sick things he did And my ex or right through this, of course I’ve noticed can also see crazy people who are crazy can always see crazy and others. Neurotypical are very selfish people. The first time I met him. He didn’t use her when he told me about it. apparently he told me about it and anyway I told him not to choose me over his child. Anyway he did we were texting all the time I was texting him. He was writing me love i never had this in my entire life. He literally swept me off my feet and the good thing that happened at the beginning of our relationship was that I went away for a week two days after we met Which made me want him more and vice versa now he probably did stuff I’ve heard he might of he’s married now to this girl. He slagged off for years and shagged. The sister who is 17 when we were together together what we broke up we didn’t properly broke up, but we broke up This is where the comes in we’re living in accommodated living for people who are not very well addicts mentally ill and so on. Anyway, many of the nights I would sneak into his room through the window or he sneak into mine and would lie bad faith, even if there was cameras. Oh he hasn’t asked your random stuff like this and I’ll be like it has. I’ve gone to bed, and obviously it was the most exciting time of my life. I was 23 years 22 years old and absolutely in love. Yes I know they got married at the age of 17 but it wasn’t part. Of course it was in my res autistic and everything was always more dramatic. The next time I’m bigger and better also I thought crazy so we end up getting kicked out of this facility I live there for a year I hadn’t really stayed there. I’d stayed in my mum, still even though she di

So things got out of hand that I’ve got made homeless I’m looking back now I thought it was so unfair and at the time I thought it was unfair. People who got made homeless shouldn’t have got made home as really people who this is all they had and the man I’m with now With living in the shed house with my ex there is four of the houses two of them staffed two of them not! so my partner was in a house without staff and then got put into the room next to me in the staff house which I was in me and my partner and I said maybe it was a distraction from my ex and his past, I will never know the full extent of.

So heroin heroin you ask how did it come into it well slowly that’s what I’ll say slowly he came back one day in a really really bad mood. This is before we got kicked out and started smoking on the bed. I’ve never been a situation I’ve been around hard before and it made me very uncomfortable, especially because I hadn’t touched them so I felt embarrassed and obliged this time I didn’t. I felt safe I felt safe with him. I just did so here it goes we move out and by this point before I go with him I will say I was addicted to sleeping pills on and off and opiates pill, but only pills so I sort of being there, but I wasn’t in the world of dealers drug addicts, horrible people debt, losing friends, and emotionally and because of the addiction. No nothing was that bad yet was destined for this maybe probably who knows I don’t I don’t even know so I will never forget the day I did it because it made life, so like it made sense for the first time in my life. It just made sense everything fit into place. Everything was like this is what it’s meant to be and this is how I should feel it wasn’t overwhelming how I thought it was meant to be, and this is how it traps you guys so don’t do it, it just felt like I had found the key to a door that had been locked 22 years and I had found that key. Obviously not a drug use. very narcissistic you really don’t think it’s gonna be you you just don’t you don’t think it’s going to be you in 1 million years even when you told me all these things via my ex when he told me this is what it’s like. I’m depressed now I can’t feel without it sex drive it fuck it fuck the way you connect with people you lose that connection and when you’re autistic anyway that is hard to have by the beginning it makes that all possible it makes you have emotion it makes you connect it makes you feel like you are invincible, and I always thought the word heroine became from the hero within, it kind of makes sense, wouldn’t it.

So the first time I used it, I smoked it we were living in one of his friends house in the spare bedroom that was freezing cold and the guy was addicted to it. The wife wasn’t they had two children. They had three children but the two children were in the room next to the dad, who is addicted really bad day and ill And this was the first place I used it they thought I was just normal. They didn’t think I touched so when I asked to try it one time when I got kicked off Valium which as you know it’s not very good I’ve got put on after a bad experience. Grape grape by my ex, and it was a short term thing, but I felt awful and I was hallucinating and I was in a really weird way and I also still appealed from my other exes house which led me to be really drooling and off my head and not remembering things in this house anyway, so that’s where I first tried it and for that year when we were living from house to house of people and Sophie spare rooms whatever, was the most exciting time of my life. It was an adventure that I’ve never been in. It was some kind of life experience that I needed for that time, but it led to this really scary time that I live in now so would I take it back? I’m not too sure i’ll lose all these memories, but then I won’t be attached to it so much either. Yeah I’d probably take it because the people I know now I really don’t wanna know I’m telling you something, there’s a lot of really dodgy men in this world who will try and proposition you for sex for money or they will try and do things to you the amount of times I’ve had men do things to me that dodgy sexually, I can’t even fathom it’s very sad, no one should have to go through that. made me feel so protected from the heroin all of it the relationship with that felt amazing, We lived from moment to moment we bonded so deeply our moon 🌙 signs very compatible. we shared everything let’s say so in the five years 2 1/2 of them are good 2 1/2 of them really bad but let’s say this was really severe case of grooming two that felt good though it felt really good because it came with the drugs and it came with the reward system that your brain creates of Doberman, but after a while your break your brain needs a pleasure and reward centre to survive. It’s like breathing it felt amazing. I felt so good every time I felt so good he he controlled my habits so I didn’t get too bad so I would get high probably off. Let’s say £10 worthb or £20 worth a day, maybe less let’s say less.

Eventually, my family obviously found out because I’m a very honest person and I like why did you say that I’ve noticed addicts are very dishonest people, scum of the Earth and I can’t stand them and they can’t stand me either. They do not like me and I think my ex knew this about them that they wouldn’t like me because he did all the messaging and calls to these people I didn’t know these people were so uptight about a text message, but they are absolutely ridiculous, I wasn’t used to this level of paranoia unless it was in your mind none of these people give a shit about you. I’m talking as 33-year-old me now and not 22-year-old man. It’s been over 10 years can you believe it because I can I mean it could be another lifetime ago and it could be yesterday 22-year-old didn’t know about this. Didn’t know this rule it’s uptight don’t do that and I honestly I hate these people honestly I’m miserable it’s not good for me I’m constantly sad,😔 yeah I mean the end of last year I going to join this astrology course and I have a teacher now at this woman I listen to for years on YouTube who I love I love her way of teaching listening to her on YouTube she was so good at going into it all. I looked up with Darkside zodiac and I found her but anyway I’m gonna tell her I lost friends in my opinion, so basically when I was younger, I was a bit of a goody-goody so that transition into hard-core addict who thought she was Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain with her boyfriend was obviously a massive shock to my friends and family I’m guessing constantly asking for money this day,

They didn’t realise this world opened up, a whole box of things that made me feel better, but a whole shit load of a basement full of crap that came with it. They won’t so yeah, I was a goody goody I didn’t really drink. I didn’t do this I didn’t do that, but I was fun. I was a happy shy girl And I would join in and have a laugh with my friends we would get the stone high part when I used to bring school in into school my sister’s part into my friend and he smoked I didn’t even smoke. Then I didn’t even feel the pressure to smoke. So yeah this was a massive personality change I guess so I always went from group group I was always a bit of a drifter.! point of sticking a needle in my arm, I wasn’t bad in fact I was the opposite of a bad arse you could say but as he has went on things happened and you meet people, my best friend who I be my best friend from the age of 10 made her be my best friend until she agreed. She was my best friend from me from me, her being sick of me, trying to ask it probably so I made my first love through her years later 18 years old and he was just schizophrenic and I even got warned off him which was probably the right idea cause this is where my first mental break happened a few years after that so this is why is slowly threatened to do law, and my personality was really changing, and I guess it was very scary for the people around me, so I’d have relationships with people friends whatever, but it always felt forced with this man. It never felt forced. It felt natural, and he would convince me that these people wanted to hurt me, or they weren’t good enough for me or they for I wasn’t good enough for them. He was very clever very very very clever he had me believing all of this shit and so it still this day is in and I can’t get rid of and I think anyone who’s been in a abusive relationship will feel this.

I have put a lot of pressure on my family. I feel like I am loving girl but I don’t have a family like the rest of them all my sisters have children. My brother is happy in a relationship. He is with someone for 11 years and he was very very happy even though he’s my older brother he sometimes feels like my younger brother because he’s so more innocent and I was innocent like he was too Very similar. In fact he was more of a rebel than I was saying I think I wanted to rebel so badly because I never had the opportunity. I mean the first guy I slept with gave me herpes if you want to talk about bad luck, but I thought it was a bad ass then because I was going out of a guy from Bangladesh who was a Muslim who had a restaurant well he didn’t have the restaurant who I was fucking in his restaurant And I thought I was cool. I was getting free curries and then I went to the next shop up the road and it was a Turkish guy who had a gorgeous green eyes. I was obsessed with being in love and not with English man. I thought English men were trash they never fancied me in school. I never had boyfriends, and I lost my virginity at 16.

 so my friends now anyway, who I lost I’ve tried to bring back into my life but they’re not perfect either. I’m not saying they’re perfect but they weren’t drug Alex and we weren’t into people like that. They don’t know anything about people like that when I tell them about the things that have been degraded too, I’m in the last three years I didn’t leave my house because of a sexual assault kind of thing again And it’s very very scary so they couldn’t understand it or comprehend. They didn’t know why I was agitated. They didn’t know why I couldn’t meet up with them till sad times. They didn’t know why I didn’t pick up my phone they didn’t know why I called them at weird hours they didn’t understand it they didn’t understand why I wanted money they didn’t understand why I didn’t have this. They didn’t understand the people that knew I get it. I wish I didn’t even guys They see it though they see what happened, but then I did have one very abusive friend who is a Gemini and she would send me essays with you sometimes and this was before I got with Matt! she could still be very nasty I mean when I got her, she was like really rude about that and telling people I mean what kind of friend does that anyway so she comes and stay with me after a few years of me being with him and we have a nice time. Kind of have a good time, I’m still happy because I’m with him well I think I am anyway she comes down with fake note she was like can you use it cause she knew the olive. It was a bit backwards compared London I was like yeah probably be fine anyway one day we walked into town and I call her from upstairs from my exes flat and she looks horrified on that. Oh God here we go and she looked up annoyed anyway she’s there and a few days later, she’s all happy happy all on her phone and a good mood God. I wish I felt like her with making weed and I was being very paranoid and that’s when I stopped because I’d started smoking crack at this point because my ex couldn’t do heroin any more fuck from injecting and I hated cocaine. I just did it because he did it and he wanted me to owe him money. A lot of these drug addicts Connell is too so you owe the money I offend this. Well I’m too good for it and I know I’m so good for it and I wanna meet the other people who are not like this who are not con artists ! so she is high and she’s like don’t you feel so amazing I didn’t but I pretended yeah for great anyway she doodled all over this night and then she goes he go you can have it as she left to go home. I was like cheers can’t use it for shit now but thanks 🧑‍🎨.

Chapter 1

[etheralisi]

Rottmnt Fakeposting part 3

Find parts 1 and 2 here + 3.5 + 4 because this couldn’t all fit on one post

🍏holy-sewer-apples Follow

I met a little green alien dude once. Wonder if he’s doing okay

1,578 notes

🕜has-lou-jitsu-been-found-yet Follow

Day 3679 of me posting: no

🎃scared-of-crows-deactivated23902741 Follow

Get a hobby

🛸atomiclass9000 Follow

I will out your search history 

92 notes

☄️gravity-tumbles Follow

Every time I phone in sick, I think about that one kid who came into school bright green. Must’ve been ill as hell. I could never 

767 notes

🐝noneofyourbeezwax Follow

Sasquatch this kappacrawler that. There’s only one cryptid I care about and that’s my neighbour’s cat. That thing ain’t a cat. It’s bright yellow and it stares into my soul

🚫nonononope Follow

That’s normal cat behaviour

🐝noneofyourbeezwax Follow

DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE I SAID BRIGHT YELLOW

🐝noneofyourbeezwax Follow

No I don’t have any pictures. Stop asking. Damn not-cat keeps vanishing into thin air

🫂glompglomp Follow

Tf is a kappacrawler

🐺wendigo-watcher Follow

Local New York conspiracy. Scuttles around sewers, on roofs, steals your children (maybe)

🐝noneofyourbeezwax Follow

This ain’t about him

6,073 notes

🧚pixipartched Follow

I really really feel bad for asking, but I don’t have much of a choice. Aliens squished by home. Here’s a link to my go fund me here

48 notes

💀outoftouchoutoftime Follow

Last time I had this many people following me, it was an ambush

#I don’t know what I did but hi

56 notes

🏒 HOCKEYORDEATH Follow

EVERY WEBSITE I VISIT ASKS IF I ACCEPT COOKIES

🏒 HOCKEYORDEATH Follow

NO I DO NOT

🏒 HOCKEYORDEATH Follow

BEGONE. KEEP YOUR SUBPAR BAKED GOODS TO YOURSELF

🌽 sherlock_corn Follow

>:(

157 notes

🛸atomiclass9000 Follow

My driver’s license is a two year winning streak in Mario kart. Try arresting me now

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

Oh???? So you lie to your followers???? I know I won first place last games night and you know it

🛸atomiclass9000 Follow

You cheated

🌽 sherlock_corn Follow

Says the guy who hacks games as a pastime. I still want a rematch

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

You tell him corn

🌽 sherlock_corn Follow

Oh I know you’re not innocent either mr

203 notes

🚂imatrainwreck Follow

If only there was a way to grow instant luscious locks

🐙massages-at-a-price Follow

I can help with that

#hehe

72 notes

🛸atomiclass9000 Follow

Throwback to that one time my brother was mistaken as IT when trying to return someone’s keys

🥊 red_hotsoup Follow

I was just trying to help

#they fell down the drain #so I picked them up and pushed them back through the grate #I wasn’t trying to be scary #and should you really be posting this

341 notes

cyyyynamon said: I’m going cave diving tomorrow. Will I see you there?

💀outoftouchoutoftime Follow

But you didn’t invite me?

86 notes

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

Don’t send me back to jail. I’m too pretty

🥊 red_hotsoup Follow

What have you done now

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

I was too pretty ✨

🛸atomiclass9000 Follow

Be original, Blue

75 notes

💀outoftouchoutoftime Follow

First day of school. I’ve never seen this many people in one area before

🌽 sherlock_corn Follow

Oh the joys of public school. 

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

*Wipes tear* they grow up so fast

💀outoftouchoutoftime Follow

So apparently normal people don’t chirp. I never want to hold a conversation ever again

60 notes

🕵️‍♀️sloopersleuth Follow

Yoooooo what if our mysterious superheroes in rainbow know the kappacrawler??? You think they’re buddies? Think they hang out and chill and talk about how their week has been? Think kappacrawler house sits from them sometimes? Think they share birthday cards?

7,421 notes

🎽tink-tank-toe Follow

Sometimes I wonder if time travellers really exist. Are we all just on some divergent timeline? How close a shave have we come to a world obsolete?

🛶canoodleoodle Follow

#posts that keep me up at night

5,329 notes

🎨asprinkleofrazzmatazz Follow

Remember to spread the positivity ✨☀️ Kindness can go a long way

🛸atomiclass9000 Follow

Where was this kindness when it came to the last pizza slice?

🎨asprinkleofrazzmatazz Follow

I was already at my daily kindness quota 

1,997 notes

🔎detective-cornstarch Follow

It has occurred to me not everyone on this website knows about the kappacrawler

🔎detective-cornstarch Follow

Your loss

466 notes

🦷sleeptooth Follow

#i am curious

8,003 notes

🫨shake-it-away Follow

Oh kappacrawler, take me away

🫨shake-it-away Follow

Oh kappacrawler, whisk me away into the night

🫨shake-it-away Follow

Oh kappacrawler kidnap me

809 notes

🍮fastest-flanalive Follow

Stop with these he/him pronouns for the kappacrawler. Did you ask them their preferred pronouns????? No. Kappacrawler could be a very fancy lady

🐈meown Follow

I’m very sorry kappacrawler. You can be a fancy lady if you want :(

🍯honeyhoneysugar Follow

Have we been misgendering kappacrawler with whole time? 

😐restingsnitchface Follow

It’s a cryptid. You think it’ll care about gender?

7,335 notes

🐸frippityfroppity Follow

If I was a kappacrawler where would I hide

🍾snopop Follow

In your walls

2,756 notes

🫣flinx-blinx Follow

I thought there was only one kappacrawler. But I swear I just saw two. Is there a mr and mrs kappa??? Baby kappletts??? A whole kappa family 🥹🥹

😈my-dad-is-satan Follow

Maybe? I think there’s at least three

4,102 notes

🐒nightmonkey Follow

Who is this kappa??? Why is he crawling???

🐒nightmonkey Follow

Spider-man wannabe

2,811 notes

🦜petite-parakeet Follow

Still convinced that whole invasion thing was a hoax. Elaborate, but a hoax

765 notes

🪄meet-my-nunchucks Follow

Were those aliens sent packing? I’m confused

🪄meet-my-nunchucks Follow

Are they at home? On some faraway planet? Kicking their tentacles up after a long day at work invading our planet?

3,230 notes

💗love-duv Follow

5,008 notes

📖myfixoffic Follow

Guys come read my slenderman x kappacrawler fic here for all of your slenderkappa needs

🌑faded-moonlight Follow

Why would you write this?

📖myfixoffic Follow

Why not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

278 notes

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

I heard that kappacrawler has an 8-pack. That the kappacrawler is shredded

🛸atomiclass9000 Follow

Be original, Blue (tally: II)

312 notes

👻ghost-chase Follow

Why can’t I live in New York. I want to fight aliens too

👻ghost-chase Follow

1,864 notes

[3s0t3ric]

Excuse All The Asides. We’re in an Adderall Shortage. 

Recently I have been diving into the habits I have. One of them being the fact that I indeed, am a post-it note girly. When it’s time for me to organize my ideas the first thing I do is sift through the compilation of time colorful papers that seem to remind me how to live my life. A note from me, to me. If only I always took my own advice. 

I’ve been doing this as long as I can remember. I’ll get a thought to add something to my grocery list, and I am certain if I don’t attempt to jot it down, it’ll be gone sooner than it came. I’ve learned my lesson a time or two, so I’ve gotten into the habit of writing things down. 

As a person with ADHD/ former student/ person who occupies planet earth I have been influenced by the bullet journal trend. The idea of having a guide to EVERYTHING about my life, my last dentist appointment, when I changed my sheets, my loved ones birthdays and my to do lists all in one place is INVIGORATING!!!!

Once. 

Well once it’s complete. It’s just, getting it done that I struggle with. Truthfully, the last thing I wanna do after I’ve wrestled on a fitted sheet (how does it ALWAYS seem to pop off the corner farthest from me???) is document in my 3rd grader handwriting the date of today in a page it probably took me forever to find. I’ll take the pillow breaking me out, thank you. 

I was surprised to find these devices for jogging the memory of it’s writers had a name. We really reinvented the wheel during the pandemic with bullet journals (I’ve been forgetful for years but I’ll give it to the bullet journal guys) the original conceptual bubble we are discussing is called a commonplace book. The idea being that all of your thoughts are in a Common. Place. (Really complex I know.) 

I instantly jogged over to the wiki page. The article I found this in was discussing Thomas Jefferson’s commonplace book, however the idea of common place books dates back to John Locke, and later Charles Darwin. What this tells me is people have been drawing graphic organizers and forgetting birthdays for centuries. Congrats, it’s generational. 

I next thought about all the quotes we’ve received from these important people from history. Were they the initial person having these ideas, or were they just wise enough to write them down? 

You see I don’t know about you, but I don’t know annnyyyone that can personally vouch for Locke’s “life, liberty and property” thing or Darwin’s “natural selection” thing with their own two eyes. For all we know it could have been notes taken from a conversation ages ago that’s gone untitled in Charles Darwin’s big ole book of ideas.

Applying this to my current habits, how much have I let breeze out of my consciousness to inspire others without writing it down myself. How often have I proposed an idea, just for someone else to get the credit just because they conveniently decided to have their posit notes handy. 

Ever since I’ve had this idea (5 days ago) I’ve kept my pen clicked and my post-its clear. The tumble weeds of post-it notes, pictures, and post cards from the people I love surrounds my intellect with the company it needs to produce greatness. My affirmations around me give context to my abilities and my to do list gives context to how I am going to do it. I am nothing if not capable and I SWEAR I will never miss another doctors appointment because those late fees are beyyyonddddd me. 

You know who go with the flow? Dead fish. Write it down. 

[justmegeorgie]

I know for a fact I am going to regret posting this later, but hey, no one’s going to read this anyways.

Ever since I moved to where I am now, when I was only 7, turning 8, a lot has happened. Then again, it’s life, a lot happens in a tiny span, and sometimes you can’t do anything about it because it just happens.

It’s been really tough, to be honest.

I’ve lost my childhood best friend, who I love with every piece of soul and heart, I have lost my grandad to cancer, my other grandmother to dementia and Alzheimer’s, and I have just lost every single friend I ever had. It’s so tough.

Tonight, I cried so hard, for the first time in months, and I never knew I had it in me to do it that violently, in a way. It all just tumbled out, all my feelings, my thoughts, the pieces of my heart, the useless threading of my soul, and it was all lost through tears.

A tonne of measly little tears, and violent sobs.

Everyone has blown up on me, calling me every name under the sun, and for what?

A girl who wanted to sit back and see someone break because she wanted to see them suffer.

A singular lie had all my friends turn on me, hate me, verbally abuse me. She isolated me.

Well, I isolated me.

I’ve had to move schools because it became so bad for my mental health that I couldn’t cope, and the teachers would do nothing about it. Absolutely nothing. They watched me break down, tears, sobs, mumbled words and a jumbled mind trying to spew out everything it was feeling. And they did nothing. When I confessed to them about a guy two years above me in school who sexually assaulted me, they did nothing. They did nothing.

On the other hand, I met this guy.

My goodness, I think I fell in love at first message.

He messaged me on Wizz, saying he might as well shoot his shot, and I told him to. He’s so pretty. A few pick up lines later, he added me on snapchat, and the past night or so, we’ve been going back and forth with snaps. His voice is beautiful, so is his laugh. I love the way he speaks. He calls me his love.

I want to his love.

But I don’t know if he wants me to be.

I guess that’s a pro in spite of all the cons, right?

I damn hope so.

Because I’ve never had to cover my mouth and let out a squeal so powerful it could put the Leaning Tower of Pisa back into its original stance, to stand tall and proud. I’ve never had to gossip to my cousin about him so much that just the thought of him has be folding into myself. I’ve never had to take a few seconds before I could send a snapchat back because just seeing him not care if I spammed the chat, or when he calls me “my love”.

He makes me happy, but I don’t want to get hurt.

I’ve been through so much.

I don’t want to get hurt, but I’m in that much emotional and physical pain that I want to give it a chance because I think this may be the last chance for anyone.

Turns out, he lives two hours away from me. I’m not happy about the distance, but at least he doesn’t live in another country, or on the other side of England, right? I’m happy, as long as he is happy.

And I hope to whatever God is out there and listening to my jumbled thoughts, that he is happy.

Even if I don’t make him happy.

[biglisbonnews]

Dove Cameron Is Re-Introducing Herself It’s not uncommon for a former Disney star to successfully navigate pop stardom on their own terms as an adult, but Dove Cameron has spent the last year determined to take the artistic reins back with a vengeance. After coming to prominence on Disney Channel show Liv and Maddie and releasing music of her own as far back as 2019, Cameron made the decision to remove her prior solo output from streaming and pivot to something that felt more true to her — a set of bolder, biting singles clued into the current pop music landscape. In February 2022, the multi-hyphenate released the first of these singles: the dark, alt-pop-influenced swing of “Boyfriend,” which put a boastful (and unabashedly queer spin) on a tale of fatal attraction. Following the track’s success — it’s been certified platinum and has accumulated over 1 billion global streams — she shared singles “Breakfast,” “Bad Idea” and a gender-flipped cover of Edwyn Collins’ 1994 hit “A Girl Like You,” retitled “Girl Like Me,” all of which will appear on her debut solo album Celestial Bodies (which she estimates will be finished and out in the world by “late fall”).Related | Dove Cameron Reimagines a Post-Roe World With 'Breakfast'Now, she’s sharing the video for the album’s fifth single, “We Go Down Together,” a pulsing torch ballad and duet with Khalid. While it exists in the same sonic universe as other recent material, it unveils a more emotional side of the new Dove Cameron, serving as an eerie ode to a battle-tested love. The accompanying video sees Cameron and Khalid performing on a spare, monochromatic set, leaving Cameron’s pale blue gown as the one burst of color against their otherwise muted backdrop. It’s a shadowy, striking visual companion to the actress and singer’s most vulnerable release yet.To mark the video’s release, PAPER caught up with Cameron to chat about the creative process behind the song and video, dealing with imposter syndrome and what people can expect from her forthcoming full-length debut.Take us through the creative process of “We Go Down Together” as a song. It feels like a departure from what we’ve heard from you before, like we’re seeing a more emotional facet of you as an artist. How did the collaboration with Khalid come about? The song was written by my collaborators, Connor [McDonough] and Riley [McDonough], who I work with quite a lot and who I have a bunch of stuff coming out with soon. As we were beginning to work on my album together, they played this for me and they were like, “We've had this for ages and we really want to hear your voice on it.” They were singing on the recording I heard, so I was like, “It sounds beautiful as it is! It's so stunning, I would never want to take this from you.” We just did it on a whim one night, and it was so obvious that we were having a magical experience recording the song.We were imagining who we would want the male vocalist to be, and Khalid was obviously the first person to come to mind. We were so lucky, because we sent it to Khalid’s team and he felt the same way. There’s something about this song to me that feels so otherworldly. It sounds dramatic, but when I listen to it and close my eyes, I feel like I'm tumbling off the face of the earth with the love of my life. It's so rich, and almost spooky and eerie. So, I was really excited to get our boy Khalid, who’s a really wonderful guy, and I was really lucky that Connor and Riley gave me the song. It feels like such a big moment for me, because I’ve never released a ballad.After that magical recording process, what were the conversations like surrounding the video? What was it like coming up with a concept that complemented the specific atmosphere of the song? We knew that we wanted a video that was just going to be all about the visuals. I'm really big on doing narrative videos, as people probably have come to see. I try to make short films that last three minutes because I think that's really fun. I love getting a story across, but for this one, it just felt like we wanted to focus on the emotion of the song. We wanted to focus on creating a haunting atmosphere where you could feel the dissonance between all of these clashing elements. It’s definitely got this postmodern thing where it feels like you’re on another planet. It's definitely a strange combination of elements that our director Audrey just came to us with. She had this idea of sand falling from the sky and making it feel near-apocalyptic, like this “last night ever” kind of romance. I think she was really able to bring that off-putting element out while maintaining the beauty of it. It's really dreamy and I think it fits the song and the narrative perfectly.Do you think you’re attracted to things that have that dissonant quality when you’re creating?This is gonna sound funny, but as someone who’s like, a highly traumatized human [laughs]... I think that everything that I respond to has to feel like we're making something emotionally resonant in secret, small ways. Anything that is too straightforward in its execution just doesn't really bump me in any way that sticks with me. As much as possible, we should be communicating emotionally with each other. Otherwise, what's the point in making music or movies or anything? It's not like anybody’s doing cartwheels in the video, and we're not, you know, rewriting the Declaration of Independence, it's not complex [laughs]. But I wanted there to be space, because the story of the song is actually more complex than a normal love song.There are these lyrics, like, “Sometimes we fly, sometimes we fall/ Sometimes I feel like we're nothing at all.” How I hear that is that the love that these two people share is so intense that it's all-consuming. Sometimes, that's not always a positive thing in a relationship. A lot of people have been there, to the point where it almost knocks your life off course. It’s asking, Is love so multifaceted that it can’t be contained? I've definitely experienced all kinds of different loves, and some of them have brought me great joy and some of them have brought great complexity. Some of them have brought my issues to the surface, and some of them have done all three. I definitely think we were able to show that in this music video because of the simpler concept. There was a lot more pain in the eyes that we were able to exhibit, which is really important to me, because if you’re not showing that human experience, even in small ways, then it’s just a fucking music video, you know?Do you feel like your experience as an actor plays into expressing those emotions in your videos? Does that skill set transfer from one medium to the other?I’ve never actually thought of it as linearly as this, but the songs do fit into my own story, so the line between acting and purely existing and emoting as the character that is me is pretty blurred. We are telling a story, but I'm not pretending to relate to these lyrics as a character. I really am relating to these lyrics because, often, they're my words. It’s a funny thing that I think about a lot. It’s like, what's the line between a musical artist who's telling their own story and allowing people to see that experience played emotionally for them on camera, and then an actor who is able to play the role of the music artist for the music video? It's kind of both. Luckily, I’m so naturally an actor that it feels like the same thing for me.Has your comfort level changed over time in terms of how vulnerable you’re willing to get in your work?Yeah, definitely. For years, I had a high level of imposter syndrome. What a lot of people don't know about impostor syndrome is it can have absolutely nothing to do with your actual career, and it has more to do with your identity and your experience of your own life. I read about this a lot, and a lot of people with complex PTSD have an inherent, ridiculous amount of imposter syndrome. Obviously, it can exist for a multitude of reasons, but that's been something that has plagued my life to no end. I can intellectually understand and dismantle those feelings every day, but my brain is always on a setting that says, You don’t know what you’re doing. One day, everybody's gonna find out that you're a full-blown freak and everything's gonna burn to the ground.But, I definitely feel that since “Boyfriend,” because it wasn’t premeditated and I couldn’t have reverse-engineered the kind of success that record had, it’s been good for me to realize, Oh, this thing was completely out of your control. That was actually a huge stroke of luck, because it helped me with just like a piece of evidence that maybe I actually can write music. Maybe it's only me who's telling me that I can't do it. So now, I’ve definitely gotten out of my own way, which is nice, because at the end of the day, we're all doing what we're doing for some form of self-actualization and to feel more connected to people around us. That's really what this music has been doing for me and that's really exciting.Now that you’re in the middle of writing and recording the album, what about it do you think will surprise people about it when they finally hear it? Well, I definitely still have a romance with big sound. “Boyfriend” was a great first hit for me to have, because it gave me permission to do singer-songwriter stuff. It gave me permission to do romantic music, sexy music, big sound, pop, jazz or even slightly dubstep-influenced stuff. It kind of touched on so many genres that there aren't too many things that I could follow it up with where people would be like, “What the fuck is that?” [laughs] It didn’t pigeonhole me. You can definitely still expect that kind of sound from me, but maybe less than you would think. I think the thing that’s going to surprise people most is that a lot of what I’ve been working on has been influenced by Daft Punk, Justice and a lot of French pop artists. I wouldn’t say that the album’s going to lean that electronic, because that would be misleading, but I would say there going to be more of that French funk with this huge sound and distorted horns and all that.Then, on the other hand, there’s going to be this very hard left turn into, genuinely, my first time ever talking about like my trauma, my mental health, my depression, my anxiety, my eating disorder... I'm going to be openly speaking about things that in the past I've been afraid to speak about. People think that trauma is something that you talk about in therapy, and then you go to sleep and you maybe have a nightmare, but the rest of it is fairly normal, and that's just not true. Trauma permeates absolutely everything. It's in every small decision. I didn't give myself permission to talk about that because I was like, Who am I to talk about this? I live such an incredible life now and I'm living my dreams. But if I don't talk about it, there's 70% of me that people just don't have access to. My label has been really supportive and has been like, “You gotta learn to put this shit down and trust people with it and give it to the audience because it's who you are. Until you do that, you won't feel honest as an artist.” I think that's really true, so some of the tracks will be very dark and honest, and for people who don’t know me, that will probably seem like a big departure.I’m grateful that everyone has been so generous with me in this big second half of my career where I’m constantly just trying to play catch-up. [Laughs] I'm learning fast and I'm trying to sort of get to the juiciest part of myself as a human. I want to be able to develop the craft of putting myself into the music as honestly as possible and I’ve had to really retrain myself to not apologize for speaking about my life experience. It’s been like learning how to walk in heels backwards or ride a bike up a hill. [Laughs] I'm really, really grateful that everybody has been so kind to me about it all, and right now, I'm excited for everybody to hear this song and see the video. Photography by Ashley Osborn https://www.papermag.com/dove-cameron-we-go-down-2659397174.html

[x3rrorx]

“reposting what’s posted online” as if you don’t spend hours digging this shit up like you’re doing something useful.

you’re the biggest bad omens dickrider out there and they probably hate you for bringing up irrelevant shit months and YEARS later.

if they had a problem with anyone they’d handle it privately, your account already got taken down for harassment once… how do you not see that YOU are the problem.

YOU are the one causing problems over situations that have been handled privately. YOU are ruining the fandom, and the band’s crew’s life with your fake, useless, dug-up, irrelevant drama.

Reading messages like this has me laughing my ass off cause of all the incorrect bullshit said. 😂

1) No actually, I had 4 different anonymous users send me information about MG. They sent me the tumble threads. They sent me all the extra information that wasn’t on Twitter/X. They are the ones who continue to send me screenshots of the tweets she posts, as she’s had me blocked since the first day I interacted with her. So very incorrect when you say that I’ve spend all this time looking into her. I scrolled her Twitter. That’s about it.

2) I made 1 single post about MG here on this blog. You guys continue to complain over and over about me constantly talking about her. I made 1 post covering everything I needed to and said I wasn’t gonna continue to talk about it. So at this point you guys bring her up more than I actually mention it.

3) the biggest Bad Omens dickrider… there’s definitely bigger but I mean, sure. That isn’t an insult 😂 I love Bad Omens and they’re one of my favorites. Sorry but that doesn’t hurt my feelings honey.

“And they probably hate you for bringing up irrelevant shit months and years later.” Babe I think you’re messaging the wrong person. You definitely meant to send that one to Noah’s ex “mirror girl”. I didn’t bring anything up. MG posted all about him after they ended things. Whatever. I wasn’t there for that, I don’t know what was posted. Then MG comes back 3 years later to do it again. I’m just reposting what she posted. So no… I didn’t bring up anything. I informed people about what’s going on though.

4) No one said they couldn’t handle their own? Doesn’t mean people don’t have their own opinion on it and can’t talk about it. I’m also not taking initiative on handling anything. Like I said before, I’m just posting about what’s going on.

5) Talking about something that’s been publicly posted online isn’t harassment. Why do you think there are so many tea channels on YouTube. If it was harassment to inform people of things that are already public information then all those channels would be shut down and literally everyone would be in trouble at some point as we all have talked about public situations online. But yeah okay, sure. Whatever you say.

6) I don’t see anywhere on their page that they have talked about any of MG’s drama she caused. So I’m not really sure how I’m “ruining the bands/crews life” you’re being extremely fucking dramatic 😂 I’m also confused on what part was fake? Cause everything I posted was literally screenshots of what MG said herself.

Anyways…

Like I have said over and over… I made 1 post on this blog about MG and had no plans to co to ur talking about her, but when you guys are the only one bringing her up… makes it kind of hard to steer away, don’t ya think. Maybe if you stopped messaging ME about her then I wouldn’t have anything to say on the subject. Right? Right.

Lastly, MG continuously tweets about me. Even after the few days I didn’t have tumblr, she was still making tweets about me. Nothing was even being said on my end. So please explain to me that one 🤔 oh right.

Stay riding MG’s dick though 👋🏻

[yessirsargeantbarnes]

Darling

Eddie Munson x Reader

Warnings: Enemies to lovers? Dom-ish Eddie! Mean Eddie. Choking. Allusion to sexual themes. That’s about it :)

A/N: it’s been ages since I’ve posted my own story! I hope you enjoy! I tried to point to the reader being alternative. Kept it pretty GN, but the nicknames might sound fem. Reblogs & comments are appreciated! Let me know if you’d like more!

Eddie Munson was the bane of your existence. You loathed him with every fiber of your being. You hate him- from the tips of his curly brown hair all the way down to the heels of his doc Martins. You hated Eddie Munson.

Eddie Munson absolutely despised you. He cringed every time he heard your laughter ring throughout the halls of the school. Your smile that stretched all the way to your cheeks made him roll his eyes with a scoff. Eddie hated every part of your perfect self, disgust written clear across his face.

Despite the mutual hatred for each other, you found yourself dragging along to the weekly Hellfire meetings, almost with a slight pep to your step. The Hellfire Club was your only set of friends and relief from the chaotic world around you. Albeit, the leader evidently hated your guts, but you put up with it for the sake of your friends and your love of the game.

It was in Hellfire that you found your home away from home- your escape, sense of self, peace. Eddie always knew how to push your buttons just right, just enough to piss you off. But you kept coming back for more. For the campaign, you swore. In reality, you came not only for the adventure you had worked so hard on, but for the man with the curly hair and loud voice, silver rings adorning his long fingers and strong arms. It was Eddie you really came for.

For what felt like years, you’d watched from the sidelines. The freak of Hawkins High School. The metal head that flunked his classes so many times, he’d had to repeat his senior year- multiple times. The 5 foot 10 god of a man that would have you on your knees in seconds if he’d only so much as smile your way. You’d kept your feelings buried deep down when you realized just how much Eddie disliked you. Swallowed your pride and hurt, mustered up the courage to step into the classroom to see Eddie upon his throne waiting for the gang to arrive for their first meeting of the school year.

And you’d done so every week since. You took it like a champ. With every roll of a low number on the die and tsk-ing of Eddie’s mean shuns, you kept going back. But today seemed worse than the others. Eddie was riled up. And when Eddie was riled up, he was even more mean to you than ever. The guys’ excited chatter died down to a quiet whisper when your boots sounded at the entrance of the room, lingering in the doorway. A flushing of your cheeks burning red, duck of your head and small “hey, guys.” And you took your seat on the opposite side of the table, facing directly at Eddie’s throne.

“Well look who decided to show up!” He scoffed with an absentminded wave of his hand. “How nice of you to join us, darling.” He gritted out. You forced a smile on your face and muttered a bullshit apology and excuse for your tardiness. Eddie stared at you while you pulled your things from your backpack, quickly setting up your station and preparing yourself for what felt like the biggest battle you’d see yet. A sigh and push of your glasses back up your nose and you were ready to start. “Sorry, guys. I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

And so he began.

30 minutes later and half of your teammates had been brutally murdered. Eddie’s maniacal laughter still ringing in your ears as you shook the dice in your hands, wishing a silent prayer to whatever god could hear you, to just let you roll at least a 15. “You got this!” Dustin screamed in encouragement, hands clutched into tight fists. The boys were all either barely sitting on the edge of their seats or standing with sweat dripping down their foreheads. You released the die, watching it tumble down through the middle of the table before it stopped directly in front of the DM.

Wide eyes looked down and then slowly back up. In giddy and tense silence, he picked the plastic piece up and allowed for a grin to spread across his features as he showed the table your number. A 20. Thank fucking Christ. “YES! Fuck!” You let out an exasperated cry of joy. “In your fucking face, Munson! Eat shit!”

Your friends were too busy yelling and jumping around excitedly to register your words, but they were not lost on Eddie. He stood from the table quickly and in a matter of seconds was at the opposite end, grabbing you by the back of the neck and pulling you out of the room, leaving your friends to continue in their giddiness. The door slammed shut, leaving you in silence, save for the excruciatingly tense breaths coming from both you and the man who still had a grip on your neck, only now on the front, pinning you against the wall.

“I-I’m sorry, Eddie. Really! I wasn’t thinking-“ you spilled out quickly, terrified you’d really screwed things up and made him angry- pushed him too far. He only moved his face closer to yours, hot breath fanning over your paling skin, with squinted eyes.

“Shut the fuck up.” Your lips shammed shut, breathing becoming frantic as his scent invaded your lungs. You were afraid you’d suffocate on the smell of faint cigarettes, weed, and heavy pine if he didn’t release you and move away from your trembling figure soon. He towered over you, the tips of his long hair lightly swaying against your blushing cheeks. “Repeat every goddamn word you just said, ~darling~. I wanna hear you say ‘em to my fuckin face.”

Instantly, your mouth ran dry, tongue sticky behind your lips. His hand tightened ever so slightly around your throat. Suddenly, you were parched. “I-I said, ‘In your fucking face, Munson. Eat shit.” You choked out, eyes averting away in an attempt to not meet his hard stare.

“Ah- look me in my eyes when you insult me, precious. Be a big girl.” Your knees felt weak, arms limp at your sides as you slowly lifted your eyes to meet his. You’d never hear the end of this. This was it- he was going to kick you out and you’d lose the only friends you had. You mustered up as much courage as you could, absolutely fed up with the treatment you’d been receiving from Eddie Munson for the past months. You huffed.

“I said, ‘In your fucking face, ~Munson~. Eat. Shit. You fucking prick.” Your chin titled up in an act of bravery and defiance. He released you from his grasp and you heaved in a fresh breath, only blinking for just a second before staring him right back down. He took a step back before lunging right for you, hand grabbing and twisting into your hair making you yelp out at the stinging spreading across your scalp and down your neck.

He didn’t hesitate to crush his plush lips to yours, slipping his tongue inside your mouth. Your knees buckled for a split second before you pushed back with all of your might and you returned the kiss with as much force as he had kissed you. You fought for dominance over him, your hands gripping into the sleeves of his denim jacket, teeth nipping at his bottom lip until a moan lost its way out of his now sore lips. You pulled back, gasping for air.

“You’re an outrageous asshole, Munson. Treating me like shit stuck to the bottom of your shoes like I’m nothing for MONTHS.” You seethed once you’d both caught your breath. “Go ahead, kick me out for shit-talking you after kicking your ass.”

“Kick you out? No- no, I’m not kicking you out!” He chuckled dryly. His eyes shifted down to your feet before dragging up your body, drinking in the sight of you angry with bruised lips and the print of his hand still lingering against the soft skin of your neck. “You won, darling. Can’t deny that. But if you think for one second you’re getting away with that stunt you just pulled- you’re dead wrong.” His legs advanced towards you again, stopping right before you as he leaned down to place a chaste kiss against your lips before moving to murmur against your ear.

“I’m going to fuck the brat straight out of you. We’ll see how you like mouthing off then.” And then he tugged you down the hall, out the doors of the school, leaving your friends behind that had somehow just noticed your absence.

[thatredheadwriter]

Addicted

gabriel x hunter!reader

Okay, so what the hell, I’m posting another fic. It seems the old cogs have started moving again, and the writing is really just coming (just not for the things I need to get done like my current series or the asks in my inbox, but hell, productivity is productivity, am I right?). Please let me know if you like this, or any constructive criticism you have.

This is an NSFW one shot featuring a female reader and Gabriel (SPN). Do not read if you are under 18 years of age or are uncomfortable with the following topics:

conversations of a sexual nature

mentions of oral sex (male receiving)

mentions of canon level violence

oral sex (female receiving)

slight dom!Gabriel (if you squint)

pet names

(Y/N) is a hunter friend of the Winchesters, living at the bunker. During a post-hunt “guys’ night” she’s forced to confess that she’s never actually received oral sex. Little does she know an interested eavesdropper is waiting to change that for her, if she wants.

(Author’s Note: I mention the reader being almost thirty years old at one point. I tried to keep it more vague, but I kinda put myself in a place where I had to.)

——————————————————————————

“No, no, no. I’m not selfish, but who in their right mind actually likes giving oral?” Dean was talking with his hands, which meant he was on at least his fifth drink, but not quite to his eighth. Of course, you didn’t need to know him that well to know that bit of information. You’d watched him down the first four quickly, but he was starting to slow down now.

“Ah, come on. That’s such an excuse,” Sam shook his head.

You’d been relatively quiet, nursing your beer and chiming in occasionally, but your mind was still all tangled up in knots from the last hunt and your own personal baggage you’d been dealing with.

The three of you had just finished off a trio of pagan gods and were celebrating back at the bunker with a ‘guys’ night’. Usually you didn’t mind, I mean everything with the boys was strictly platonic, and typically you liked being considered one of the guys. But as rough and tumble as you were, deep down you were still a woman, and it could be hard being surrounded by three manly-man dudes all the damn time.

Usually an occasional run-in with Jody or Donna or another one of the female hunters was enough to fulfill that need, but ever since your last attempt at a bar hookup turned out to be a demon in disguise, you were on edge even more.

“Okay…(Y/N), what about you?”

You’d been lost deep in your own thoughts, so when Dean turned the conversation to you, you were completely caught off-guard.

“What? Sorry, I was…I zoned out there,” you shook your head and finished off the beer you were working on.

“Look, Sam says I’m an ass just because I don’t love giving oral sex as much as I do receiving it. And I think it’s completely normal. So what about you? Do you ~love~ giving as much as you do receiving?”

You laughed and tossed the empty bottle into the nearby trash can.

“I mean, that’s kind of a personal question, don’t you think?”

“Come on, we don’t have secrets,” Dean pried, “Sammy and I have both shared, now it’s your turn.”

“Fine,” you huffed, “When it comes to giving, I guess it’s not something I find particularly thrilling, but I have found that when you’re enthusiastic about the task at hand and really focus on giving your partner pleasure, it can be a good thing for both parties.”

Sam and Dean both nodded in thoughtful consideration, but soon Dean’s expression changed.

“But wait, what about receiving?”

You’d been hoping to avoid that bit of the question.

“I guess in theory it’s nice, but most guys aren’t exactly chomping at the bit to go down on a woman, especially when they don’t feel like they have to, like with a one-night stand.”

“So wait, are you saying-”

“No, Dean. I’ve never received oral before. I’m nearly thirty and no guy, or girl for that matter, has ever offered,” you sighed, bitterness lacing your voice.

“Maybe I should be more generous,” he mused to himself.

“Look, as scintillating as this conversation is, I think I’m going to retire for the night fellas. Keep talking about sex and drinking alone, though. That’s the way to get laid,” you patted Dean’s shoulder and winked at Sam before trudging off to your room.

“Hey, come on!” Dean called after you, “Don’t leave me alone here with Sammy.”

“Um, you didn’t get thrown into the wall by a Chinese river god today, so I think you’re on your own.”

You didn’t stick around to hear Sam’s mock protest, and instead lumbered down the hallway, trying to remember whether or not you’d charged your vibrator recently.

When the door finally shut behind you, you sighed and leaned against it for a moment before kicking off your boots and socks in the general direction of your closet and set to work unbuttoning your flannel.

You’d just stripped off the button-down and your undershirt when a warm hand clapped down on your shoulder. Out of instinct you grabbed your unknown attacker's wrist and twisted hard. You used the leverage to pull him out in front of you. Driving hard, you slammed him face-first into the wall.

Breathing hard, you realized he was giggling. The man turned his face to look at you and you were shocked to see Gabriel’s signature smirk.

“Damn, sugar. I always had a feeling you liked it rough,” you scoffed at his pet name for you, but he just winked. You wordlessly released the hold on his arm and you both stood up straight. It was then that you realized two things. One, all the earlier aches, pains, and blossoming bruises from earlier in the day were gone without a trace. Two, the only thing covering your top half was a lacey, blush colored bra. You usually stuck to more practical underwear, but after getting nasty during the boss fight, you had no choice but to don the frilly lingerie that you’d bought 5 years ago and worn maybe twice since then.

“What the hell are you doing here?” you asked with a disapproving frown, reaching into your closet for your favorite sleepshirt.

“Eh, you know me, I’m always around. And, uh, you're welcome for healing you.”

You rolled your eyes, “Thanks, but that’s not what I meant. Why are you here? In my room?”

Gabriel was wandering around your room, fiddling with the photos, knick knacks, and talismans you had displayed there. You followed after him, putting things back in their place.

“I heard your little conversation downstairs,” he picked up a bronze pendant hanging from your bedpost.

“And?” you snapped, taking it from him and placing it back, becoming annoyed with the trickster’s antics. He usually had better timing than this, knowing when to back off and when you were in more of a mood to deal with his dumbass shenanigans.

“I think it’s absolutely tragic.”

“Wha-...That’s none of your damn business, Gabriel!”

“You’re right,” he mused, “But I thought I could at least offer to make it my business.”

Gabriel was giving you a seductive look now, and you couldn’t say you’d never thought about him in a sexual context. He slowly stalked towards you, and you walked backwards at the same pace, both frightened and excited by the raw hunger in his eyes.

“Gabriel, w-what are you doing?” you couldn’t help the shake in your voice. Your back soon hit the cold wall behind you and you gulped as he closed the distance.

“I’m making you an offer, sugar,” he smirked down at you, raising one hand to cup your chin and tracing your bottom lip with his thumb. His knee slotted in between your denim clad thighs, eliciting a whimper. “I want to give you all the pleasure in the world. I want to feel you come undone under my fingers and my tongue, over and over again. I just need you to do one thing.”

“What?” you breathed.

“I need to know that you want this. I need you to ask for it.”

You whimpered, but Gabriel only shook his head, “I need words, (Y/N).”

“Please, Gabriel,” you whined, “I want you.”

That’s all the archangel needed to attach his lips to yours.

When his tongue entered your mouth, you didn’t even try to fight for dominance, and instead just let him take the lead. His arms snaked around you, holding you close, and you used the proximity to grind down on his thigh.

He pulled away to whisper in your ear, “Needy girl, aren’t you?”

Before you could respond he pulled you off of the wall and tossed you gently onto the bed. You watched, enamored, as he removed his button-down shirt, revealing the tanned skin underneath. While he didn’t have a six pack, you were pleasantly surprised by a fair amount of definition.

He fixed you with a predatory gaze and began approaching you and the bed. As he stalked towards you, you shuffled backwards on the bed, until there was no one else to go. The predatory nature of your exchange only added to the growing wetness in your panties.

When he finally caught up to you, his mouth found yours again, but didn’t stay there long. Soon he was making his way down your exposed neck and chest, leaving small bite marks and hickies in his wake. He reached your bra and looked up to give you another mischievous smirk. With a snap of his fingers, your bra had disappeared, and he instantly set to work on your breasts.

Sure you’d been with guys before who liked your boobs, but they were only really interested in them while they were fucking you. It was an extra, not their main focus. But with Gabriel, it was like the only thing he cared about was admiring your tits. It was near blasphemy the way he worshiped them

He kissed and sucked hickies over each of them before taking a nipple in his mouth and teasing it with his tongue. You arched your back up into him when he took it between his teeth. Gabriel went on to repeat the same on the other breast before tracking lower.

Gabriel hadn’t even got to your waistband and he already had you more aroused than most men did in the entire time you spent with them. He soon found the button of your jeans.

For the second time since you’d started, he looked up again, but this time there was more than his usual smirk.

“You still want to do this sweetheart?” he asked, his low voice rumbling straight into your core.

“Yes, dammit,” you swore out of impatience. You expected him to snap his fingers again to remove them, but instead he took his time, first undoing the button and zipper before slowly pulling them down. You lifted your ass off the bed as the fabric was pulled lower.

Once he’d pulled them free of your legs and tossed them somewhere south of the bed, he began kissing back up your right leg. Just as he was nearing the place where you needed him the most, still covered by your gray cotton panties, which by now had a noticeable and growing wet spot, he skipped over it and kissed down your other leg.

You let out a frustrated sigh, but Gabriel just chuckled in response. After one last kiss to the inside of your ankle, he made his way back up to your core, and let out a breath over your still-clothed slit.

“Please, Gabriel, stop teasing!” you whined. He just smiled and cupped your sex through the fabric. Even the lightest touch over the fabric made you jump, already worked up from his relentless teasing.. In one swift motion, he grabbed hold of the fabric and ripped it away from your body.

Before you had time to complain about his destruction of property, his mouth was on you and you finally understood what was so great about oral. Out of instinct, your hips writhed beneath him, but you weren’t sure if they were trying to escape or get closer. 

But Gabriel wasn’t letting you off so easy. One arm came up to rest over your pelvic bone, successfully locking your lower half down to the mattress beneath you. His other hand made its way between your legs and soon one of his long, slender digits slipped into your sex.

Moans and curses fell from your lips like prayers, but you couldn’t bother to hold anything back. Gabriel was taking you into complete and utter pleasure like you had never felt before, and you didn’t give a damn who heard. He ate at you like a starving man.

Soon another finger joined the first, and then a third. There was a slight burn, but it was all forgotten the moment he found the delicate spot on the front of your walls and didn’t let go. Between his tongue and teeth nipping and sucking at your clit and the surrounding flesh and the fingers relentlessly caressing your g-spot, you were close.

“God, Gabriel,” you all but screamed. Your train of thought was interrupted by another wave of pleasure. You threw your head back as you felt your orgasm building in your belly, barrelling at you like a bullet train.

“I-I’m gonna,” you stuttered out through gasping breaths, but couldn’t finish. Just then, Gabriel’s fingers sped up inside you.

“I know,” he raised his head slightly, “You can cum. Just do one thing for me.”

“Anything,” you gasped.

“Look at me when you cum,” he ordered. And that was the last thing you heard before his mouth dipped back down to finish what he had started.

Your orgasm hit you harder than you knew was possible. Despite all your muscles tensing at once and the immense pleasure surging through every nerve ending, you managed to do what Gabriel asked. Even as your thighs attempted to close around his skull, he kept going, tilting his head up so he could make eye contact with you. Something about looking into his gorgeous eyes made it that much more intense.

Finally the pleasure ebbed and the things that brought you so much pleasure just moments before were uncomfortable, bordering on painful. You pulled back, and to your relief Gabriel released his iron grip on you, but he chased you as you moved, still lapping at your pussy.

“Gabe, Gabe, enough,” you sighed, feeling overstimulated and like your limbs had turned to jelly.

He gave you an innocent look, ironic since the archangel had just given you one of the most sinful nights of your life.

“I’m sorry, sugar. I just can’t help myself. You’re too damn sweet,” he sat up as he spoke, and as if to prove a point he sucked each of his fingers clean. His face, from the bridge of his nose down, shone with slick, and he smelled like pure sex.

You were just going to comment on his appearance when you noticed he was still wearing his pants, and they were sporting a large tent. With a deep breath to try and get some energy back, shake off the sleep that was already threatening to overtake you, you finally spoke.

“I think it’s your turn,” you tried your best for a seductive grin but you had a feeling it didn’t exactly land that way, based on Gabriel’s obvious amusement.

“Sweetheart, if you really want to suck my dick or go another round, I’m all for it, but you don’t have to do anything. In fact you look positively fucked out already.”

“Really, I don’t mind-” you started, moving towards him on shaky limbs.

“I don’t want you to ‘not mind’,” he looked at you seriously now, “Anything between us has got to happen because you and I both want it to.”

Gabriel took your hand in his and pressed a tender kiss to your knuckles. He kissed you again on the wrist and on and on until he reached your neck and used his position to pull you against his bare chest.

“I’ve wanted to do that…this, for so long,” he breathed into your hair as he pulled you into a more comfortable position. A warm sensation washed over you and the sticky feeling between your thighs and the mild post-orgasm headache were gone.

“So you’d want to do that again?” you mumbled, settling into his chest. Usually you weren’t a cuddler or a big pillow-talker after sex, but nothing about this encounter had been normal.

“Of course. I think I’m addicted to you.”

thatredheadwriter’s Masterlist

[missmouse25]

Heyyyy girl !! How are you :) I have a requesttttt :)

Max F and the reader know each other since childhood but don't like each other but have the same group of friends. One day they all go on a vacation trip and they have to be together for some activities which brings them closer and closer and all the fans and friends can see it with all the pictures that are posted during the trip and they are happy for them and want them to be together and they start dating but nobody knows it and during the new year they kiss in front of everybody which brings all their friends to tease them on insta and stream And fans are starting to think they are together :’)

Thank youuuu

And I love your reading :)

Anon... you hit my favourite type of story right on the head ❤️i went a bit overboard but i'm sure you'll like it

Nemesis - Max Fewtrell (Part One)

gender nuetral first person pov // 1589 words // warning for some swearing and friends being not great but like not terrible // part two here

---

“Oh my gosh, Max, just shut up!”

Every eye in the room rolled, none more so than his though. You’d think that after 15 years of this, our friends would be used to it by now.

“Just admit that I was right!”

“The hell I will!”

“Ok, ok, enough!” Sarah pushed us apart. “You guys need to chill.”

I folded my arms as I stepped back, while Max just shook his head.

My life-long nemesis: Max. Ever since I’d first met him at age 5, he had made it his goal to work on my nerves and upset me. Which worked 99% of the time. And because I was not one to give in easily, I had retaliated and tried to make his life hell. Which also only worked 99% of the time.

“Will you two just stop for a minute!” Sarah continued. “I have something to tell you.”

With one last narrow-eyed jeer at Max, I sat down and listened to my friend.

“Ok, you all know that I love to plan our group trips and this year is no different.”

A murmur of agreement rippled around the room.

“But this time I’m doing things a little differently...” Sarah smiled deviously. “This year, we’re working in pairs. I’ve already picked them but you’ll only find out once we get there.”

Chatter broke out and I locked eyes with my nemesis. I was certain we were thinking exactly the same thing:

“Anyone but you.”

~

I fell into my seat on the airplane, after the struggle of stuffing my backpack into the overhead compartment and ready for the holiday to begin. Almost 2 weeks far away from any responsibilities. I closed my eyes in bliss as I thought about all the fun I was going to have; all the laughs with my friends; all the food…

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”

‘Fuck.’

Wearily, I opened my one eye to look who was standing in the isle.

“I’m gonna have a serious word with Sarah when we land,” Max continued to complain.

“Be careful when you open the…”

“Oof!”

A backpack tumbled onto Max as he opened the hatch; my backpack.

“The hell is in here? Its fricken heavy.”

Quickly I stood up and took it from him.

“Be gentle with it, geez!”

“Did you pack bricks in there or something?”

“None of your business, Fewtrell!”

We tussled side-by-side as we attempted to shove both our bags into the tiny space, bickering the entire time we did. After a 5-minute struggle, I sat down once again in my seat, reluctantly this time.

“Don’t bother me and I won’t bother you, deal?” I offered to my enemy.

“Deal.”

Max turned to look at the other passengers and I shifted to peer out of the window.

This was going to be a long flight.

As I descended the steps of the plane, Luisa popped up next to me.

“I have something to show you!” She sounded excited as she held her phone up for me to see.

I nearly screamed.

Somehow, while I had been sleeping, my head had ended up on Max’s shoulder. And even worse, he was fast asleep with his head on top of mine.

“Delete it! Delete it right now!”

But Luisa had already pushed on ahead and joined Lando and I rued the day I ever met Max Fewtrell.

~

“Sarah, please, just… anyone but him!”

The villa was beautiful with views of the ocean from almost every room. The sun shone onto the waves, making them glisten.

Everyone else had disappeared off to their rooms. Shared rooms, which wasn’t unusual for the group only now we were sharing with our ‘Holiday Partners’, as Sarah so kindly out it.

“No, you can’t change.” She metaphorically put her foot down. “You two need to learn to get along. To grow up. This little thing between you has gone on long enough.”

“I’ll sleep in the lounge!” I pleaded as she walked away, fingers now in her ears.

Max passed me on the stairs with a sour expression and without a word. Not that I needed one. But once I got to our designated room, I realised why.

One bed.

One double bed… for both of us.

“This is what happens when you holiday with couples,” I mumbled to myself.

I was about to go back down and inquire about a different room when Max appeared.

“Don’t bother, they don’t have any other rooms,” he said.

We stood in the doorway, staring into the dreaded area.

“I can sleep on the floor.” I lugged my bag inside.

“No, you won’t,” Max countered, following me in. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“I already said that I would, Max, so I will.”

“Why are you so stubborn!?”

“Why do you always argue with me!?”

The back and forth continued as we settled in. Eventually, we stood at the foot of the bed, angrily looking at it.

“Alternate.”

“What?”

“We alternate,” Max said. “Every night. One on the floor, one in the bed. Next night we switch.”

I considered his proposal.

“Fine. But I’m on the floor first.”

“Fine. Shake on it.”

Max held his hand out and as much as it pained me, I shook it.

The only piece of common ground between in 15 years.

~

“That’s the sixth time you’ve yawned in the past ten minutes.”

Everything was loud. And annoying. Especially Max’s voice.

“Floor not comfy?”

“You slept on the floor?” Luisa’s voice was softer, I appreciated that. “Why?”

“One bed,” I mumbled.

A red light up ahead caused the car to slow down and I plonked my head against the window.

“Why didn’t you guys just share?”

“No,” Max and I answered at the same time.

“We’re taking turns,” he continued. “We made an agreement.”

“You guys agreed on something!?’

I winced at Lando’s loud voice.

“The worlds going to end!”

“Ha, ha, ha, so funny,” Max said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

The car pulled off and my head bounced against the glass. Today was going to be a long day.

~

On the list of things 2 people can and will argue about:

Which was a better gift: a fridge magnet or a keychain (Magnet)

If pancakes are an acceptable lunchtime food (they are)

The benefits of third-wheeling (there are none)

Appropriate amount of emojis to use in a text message (as many as it takes to get the tone across)

~

“Don’t hold it like that.”

“Stop telling me what not to do!”

Who ever invented mini-golf needed to be put to rest because it only made my nemesis more insufferable.

“Why don’t you give me constructive criticism instead!?” I suggested, pointing my golf club at him.

“Don’t use it as a weapon!”

“You’re still not helping!”

I turned my attention back to the game and looked down at the golf ball. Stupid little thing.

“Just… let me show you how to hold it properly,” Max said, coming to stand next to me. “I’m going to lay my hands on your persons. Please don’t hit me.”

Me whole body went rigid as he placed his hand on mine, moving it into the right position. His other arm encircled me. I could feel his chest against my back and his breath in my ear.

Everyone else was watching but I shut them out and tried to focus on the task at hand.

“I refuse to lose to Lando at golf,” Max said quietly to me. “So just relax and do as I tell you. If we win, I’ll shut up for the rest of the evening.”

Now that was an offer I couldn’t refuse.

I gave a small nod, breathed out and gave in as Max moved my arms back and took the shot.

Perfectly, the ball fell into the hole.

The rest of the game and the day went by brilliantly. By the time dinner rolled around, I was practically bouncing off the walls.

I took my place at the table next to Max, as I had been assigned. Yet something felt off. I looked over at the nemesis. He was just talking to someone else, having a good time.

‘He didn’t say anything. Not a single comment.’

And although I knew it was the bargain we’d struck earlier, it was weird. It had always been something so common between us, so second-nature, that taking it away felt wrong.

As time went on, I felt awkward and it seemed that everyone else could sense it too. No one was surprised when I excused myself straight after dessert and went to my room.

~

“I don’t think you should sleep on the floor tonight.”

Max stopped his faffing and looked at me.

“Why not?”

“You’ll hate it and you’ll get no sleep. You can take the bed again.”

“We made an agreement…”

“And I’m happy to break it.”

Max sighed as he dug out his pyjama’s.

“Well, I’m not.”

We stared at each other for a moment before Max shook his head.

“No one would have to know.”

“Know what?” I asked.

“If we both slept in the bed. Not unless we told them.”

It was like the wires in my brain short-circuited and I froze where I stood. After the stunt on the golf-course, I never wanted to be in such close proximity to Max ever again. But the thought of sleeping on the carpet for another night made my bones ache.

“No one has to know,” I reiterated.

[iwadori]

Hiiii!!!! can you do like when you guys are supposed to meet up and they waited for about an hour or so and kept texting you you but you haven't replied so they thought you ditched them and got mad at you and stuff then they decided to go home and while on their way home not too far from their school they found you unconscious body with a large wound on you back and your head bleeding?.

can you pleaseease do tsukishima, yamaguchi, ushijima, bokuto (I'm sorry if that's a lot)

Haikyu Boys when you get hurt Pt 2 (Ushijima,Bokuto

Part One Part Two Part Three

Word count: 2.6K

Genre: angst, fluff

masterlist

Ushijima

You were having the worst week this week,  from battling a cold and your boss making you do all sorts of extra jobs (that were definitely not under your job description.) As easter was swiftly approaching you and Ushijima had your annual plans of going to the local kids community center and helping them with an easter egg hunt. But you don’t think you can manage it this year.

Ushijima gets home from practice with 4 bags just filled with easter eggs ranging from all different sizes, “woah there Toshi, you’ve got enough there too feed all of england” you laugh  

“I don’t think these eggs will be able to sustain England Y/N” he says seriously making you laugh even harder. As you were laughing, you felt another migraine come along making your cringe in pain. “Toshi, I don’t think I can do the easter egg hunt this year?”  

He sits down next to you alarmed that something is wrong, “why what happened Y/N” he asks

“I’ve been feeling terrible all week, and I even have a migraine right now” you say to him thinking he would understand.

“That’s it?” he questions thinking what you said was a joke “I think you can handle a migraine, remember we’re doing this for the kids”

His words were making you feel slightly guilty since maybe you were being over dramatic. “Y/N if it’s really ‘that bad’, i’ll make you some tea so you can feel better,” he says going into the kitchen to start on your tea. You murmur a quiet “thank you” and you end up falling asleep, hoping that by the time you wake up your head stops pounding.

As you wake up, you realise you slept all the way through the night and over to the next day as when you look at your clock it says 12:32 pm. You look at your nightstand and saw that Ushijima wrote you a note saying:  

Y/N I've left out early to set out the easter egg hunt, I’ve made you breakfast so eat up and get prepared for the event which starts at 4pm. Please don’t forget.

Sincerely – Ushijima Wakatoshi.

You chuckle at the fondness of the note, before realising your pain. Your brain felt like it was having a live concert inside that definitely was not going to end soon but you still got up prepared for the day. You didn’t want to let Ushijima or the kids down.  

When you go to the kitchen , you see the cute breakfast that Ushijima made you consisting of all of your favourite foods and with another simple note of him saying ‘ I love you. ‘ Ushijima has always been a lovely boyfriend, treating you like the queen you are always making sure that you were okay. Of course, his bluntness and his lack of social cues was something to get used to but when you did get accustomed to it, it only made you fall in love with him more.

You got ready, feeling even more sick as the piping hot shower that you usual have, did not help as when you were showering you felt heavily faint. However, you persevered since you did not want to let Ushijima down.

You finally were prepared to leave the house, with the community center being on 15 minutes walk away you were leaving out at 3:50pm since you were planning to take your car anyways. When you leave your home, you realise that you forgot your car keys so you dash up the stairs (a bit too quickly) to go and find them. Scrambling through your draws, your head is pounding harder and harder and the more it pounds the quicker your moving making you even more faint. You eventually find your keys and you’re ready to zoom to the community center but your body gave out and you pass out tumbling down the stairs landing at your front door.

Ushijima was waiting outside of the community center waiting for you to arrive it was 4:05pm and he was wondering where you were (knowing that your place was only a 10 minute drive away) he sent you a few texts asking where you were but when you don’t respond Ushijima becomes slightly annoyed, plastering a fake smile on his face and entering the community center, starting the easter egg hunt.

The easter egg hunt came to a close at 8pm and Ushijima assumed that you would’ve showed up some time in the middle of the event, but you obviously didn’t show. After making sure that all the kids left safely Ushijima decided to call and text you more and when you continuously don’t respond and your calls go to voicemail he says ‘Y/N, im really disappointed with you right now. How could you do this to me? You said you would show up, the kids were really upset, how could you be so selfish?’

He walks to your house knocking on the door, but when you don’t immediately answer he knew something must be up now, since you haven’t responded to any of his texts and calls and didn’t show up he figured there was something deeper then you just ditching the event.

He used his key to open the door, surprised when the door hit something. He tried again hitting the ‘object’ that was laying at the door again. He carefully pushes the door to make enough room for him to fit through the gap. When he entered, he was startled at the sight of you, there you lay completely knocked out with a blood stain next to your head. He knelt down next to you and touched your cheek you were extremely cold, he had to get you to a hospital stat. He called an ambulance, panicked. Worrying about how long you’ve been out for since it would have to be atleast more than 4 hours he assumed.

You woke up in a foreign room, with your head slightly stinging. You place your hand on the back of your head and wince, then you remember you need to be at the easter egg hunt so you bolt up ready to move.  

“I don’t think that’s wise for you to do that Y/N” Ushijima says to you  

“Toshi, what happened?” you ask still in pain

“It seems you fell down the stairs and hit your head” after he said that all your memories come flooding back, and you remember rushing to the community centre, looking for your keys, and then falling down the stairs and everything going black.

“I’m sorry Ushi for missing the easter egg hunt, I really tried to get there,” you say with an apologetic look on your face  

“It’s fine Y/N of course you wouldn’t of been able to get there after falling down the stairs” he says “Also, this is proof of why you shouldn’t run down the stairs”

You eventually get discharged with the doctor telling you all you need to do is rest and stay off your feet. Ushijima took the doctor's orders very seriously, becoming your loyal servant and waiting on you hand and foot, tending to your every need. He did also make you were eating healthy and taking all your medicine so you could have the best recovery possible.  

Also, after realising that this could’ve all been avoided if Ushijima didn’t guilt trip you in the first place for having a migraine, he made sure to never ignore or dismiss when you say you are ill or have anything wrong with you even if it’s a migraine, a lost limb or a simple paper cut.

Bokuto  

The Olympics were coming up and Bokuto couldn’t be any more excited than he already was. Everything he’s talked about for the past month he manages to find a way to relate to the Olympics, and as annoying as it got sometimes you were just as excited for it as much as Bokuto was.  

Bokuto was heavily busy with extra practices so you were bored and lonely, since your boyfriend was at practice all the time so you chose to take up a new hobby. You decided to paint, although you weren’t an award-winning painter you still found joy in it. Being Bokuto’s girlfriend you had some slight unwanted attention on you: the usual fans of Bokuto that just followed you to have an extra aspect of him in their life's, or his fangirls that adored him.  

You didn’t mind the fangirls for the most part since majority of them were pretty tamed and did fawn over your relationship. However, there was the minority of fans that did make it known to you that they DID NOT like you at all. When you started posting your paintings, it seems their hate for you amplified since they always found the need to leave an astray of mean comments on your post. But that didn’t mainly bother you since you thought that they only had that energy behind the screen.

The days went by getting closer to the Olympics, with Bokuto always asking you every day “Y/N you are coming to my games, right?” to which you always replied “Of course Kou, I’m coming” which always made him smile.

When the Olympics came, you’ve went to all the games cheering Bokuto and the team on as they were winning round after round. Whilst this was going on, the group of girls that were sending you horrible messages and making mean posts about you weren’t stopping. At first, you didn’t care for them but it seems their posts only gotten worse making comments about your artwork, your face, your body type ect.  

You didn’t want to tell Bokuto as you felt that it would ruin his Olympic momentum and you thought you could handle it all on your own.  

It was nearing to the final game of the Olympics, and Bokuto was ecstatic he made sure that you promised you’d be there claiming that you was his ‘good luck’ charm.’ You were excited to go too, the feeling of watching Bokuto play was exhilarating seeing him fully in his element was great for you to see.

On the last game day, Boktuo was already at the stadium since him and the team had to be there earlier to practice and you planned to meet him there just before the game started at 4:30. You went to a florist before the match getting Bokuto the biggest boquet that you could buy.  

On your way to the stadium you here somebody whistle from behind you, you turn around and see a group of girls waiting behind you smirking. “Hi?” you say more like a question then a statement “do you want something from me?”

Some of them laugh, but the one standing at the front who you mentally lable the ‘main one’ steps closer to you and says “We want you to stay away from Bokuto” you realise that these were the girls sending you hate online for these past weeks.

Before you can even blink, the girls jump you, hitting, kicking and clawing at you. You are in pain, screaming and crying for them to stop and leave you alone. You lay there, letting them beat you up thinking that you’ll probably end up dead out of this. All you can think about is Bokuto, you didn’t get to wish him good luck, or give him your flowers (that you spent a fortune on) or even tell him that you loved him one last time.

You think the girls eventually stopped but you couldn’t tell because your body was throbbing and you hurt all over. You tried to get up still wanting to go to the match but you collapse going out cold.

Bokuto was scanning the crowd over and over for you, hoping to spot you there. But he couldn’t, he was wondering where you were getting sadder and sadder by the second since he really believed you were his good luck charm and he probably wouldn’t be able to win without at least seeing your face once.

They didn’t win. Bokuto knew he wasn’t playing at his best, since all his mind was on was thinking about where you were. You’ve never missed one of his games, so he was incredibly worried. After he accepted his second-place medal, he rushed out the stadium to go to your house but he was stopped by some fangirls ‘I guess signing autographs is the least I can do’ he thinks, the fans were being a bit odd today but he didn’t have time to focus on that as his mind was racing thinking about you and your whereabouts.  

One of his fans did give him an alarmingly big boquet of roses which he appreciated ‘these must of cost a fortune’ he thinks. Although it was a probably a long shot, he decided to ask the fan if he saw someone who looked like *whatever you look like* to maybe see if someone else saw you. Which the fan replied “yeah I saw them with some guy at this restaurant whilst we were going to see you!” they exclaimed.

‘A guy’ he thought ‘that most likely wasn’t you.’ Seeing Bokuto’s confusion, the fan followed up with “I'm pretty sure it was her I mean we all know who Bokuto Koutaro’s girlfriend was.” Bokuto didn’t reply just walking away making sure to thank them for the flowers.  

He was rushing towards your house on foot (since all the taxi’s and ubers were fully booked because of the Olympics) whilst running he stumbles across your passed out body all black and bruised with scratch marks and bleeding all over you. “what happened” he whispered, knowing you obviously weren’t going to respond.  

He picked up your near-dead body, and cradled you in his arms taking you back to the stadium (since he knew that getting an ambulance to come here or running to the hospital would basically be impossible.) When he got back to the stadium, he did get odd looks from strangers but he didn’t care, his only agenda was making sure you were okay.

You woke up, and saw Bokuto pacing the room repeatedly you tried to get his attention by saying his name but your throat was damaged. He eventually notices you and runs to your side, stroking your face softly and giving you a gentle hug making sure not to hurt you.  

“Who did this Y/N?” he asks with worry in his eyes  

You ignore his question and look at the silver medal wrapped around his neck making you sad “I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the match, I tried I really did try” you said with your voice sounding even worse after you said every word.  

“Don’t be silly, I’m just glad that you’re okay babe, I was really worried about you.” he said

The Medic came in and said that you had multiple broken ribs, but beside that you were fine you just needed to rest your throat and let your bruises heal. You eventually told Bokuto that it was some of his fans, he was upset that you hid this from him for so long but he was just glad that he got to you as soon as he did. He managed to play at the next Olympics and you were there fully present, with your even bigger boquet of flowers watching win gold.

Authors Note: I tried to make it as close to your request as possible, but I hope you enjoy as I really do think this is my favourite work so far.... :3 Comments and feedback appreciated.

[jadequeen88]

Smart Girls Make Fast Learners

NSFW 18+ ONLY. MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED!

My contribution to the BNHarem’s monthly collab. The theme was SEx work. ⛓This piece is a first real deep dive into darker themes and was actually really, really exciting to write. 🖤 A massive thanks to my dear friend @libiraki​ for beta reading this.

TW: yandere behavior, toxic relationship, degradation, non-con, dub-con, degradation/praise kinks, mind break, oral (M and F receiving), over stim, loss of virginity, mentions of physical violence.

DISCLAIMER: I do not condone this type of relationship. This is a work of fiction and if this happens IRL please get out of the relationship!

There is a very specific type of dread that occurs when you discover that the person you built your world around has been lying to you. Tamaki Amajiki was experiencing this brand of betrayal for the first time in his twenty-one years on a rainy Tuesday in October in the dim lighting of your dorm room. His grip tightened around the open laptop as he stared at glimpses of flesh in the thumbnails of the many, many videos posted to the site. Previous live streams with thousands of views. He gulped down the bile in his throat as he scrolled through the videos. His shock and disgust morphed into a pure rage as he counted up the live streams that you’d had since first kissing him. 12. There had been twelve. Three times a week for the past four weeks. 

Those big doe eyes that looked into his eyes as you tentatively licked the tip of his cock for the first time… mere hours later they were rolling in the back of your head as you got off for strangers on the internet. He couldn’t take it. You were his first… everything… he knew that you hadn’t been innocent in your past. The way your tongue expertly wound around his when you first kissed him amongst your plush pillows and goose-down comforter reminded him of the fact. The low violet LED lighting of your bedroom made him feel like the two of you were in your own ethereal world. He could forgive you for not waiting for him as he’d waited for you. 

For the past four years, he kept to the shadows. He was there when the football player from freshman year cheated on you with one of your terrible friends (and when it happened the second, third, fourth time). He was there to binge your favorite shows with you (“*insert current guy you were fucking* just doesn’t get it, he’s not into it. I’m so glad I’ve got you to watch it with!”) He bit back the heartache that would wash over him when you’d pet him and coo over him… you didn’t see him as a man. He wanted to bend you over and prove he could fuck your brains out. He KNOWS he’d be perfect for you. But he never rejected the attention. He smiled and accepted whatever crumbs fell from your table. Whether it be helping you study or letting you complain about your shitty friends or your shitty jock boyfriends or your shitty parents… He gave and gave and gave… until that one day, 35 days ago to be exact, a shift in the tide occurred.

 ⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸⫸

“So why don’t you have a girlfriend, Tama-kun?”

“Wh-wha?”

Tamaki dropped the pencil he’d been using and before he could bend to get it himself, your hand was on his thigh and he was putty in your grasp. You giggled and cooed over him like you always did, but this time you did it while assaulting his mouth and neck with your skilled tongue. This time, for the first time, you made Tamaki feel like a man. Like YOUR man.

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Over the next few weeks, Tamaki had become quite skilled in pleasing a woman. It only took a little guidance to have him sucking at your clit with just the right amount of pressure. He learned on his own how to couple that with his long, delicate fingers twisting and pumping in and out of your slick hole. You’d cling to his silky hair, pulling him closer as a constant stream of praise tumbled from your lips:

“No one has ever made me feel this good.”

“Your fingers are perfect Tama-kun”.

“I love your mouth on me so much, baby.”

The first time you came on his face, Tamaki knew there was a god because he’d found heaven between your thighs.

But that was gone now… ripped away with one mouse click on the night he was going to finally give you his virginity. He had held on to it like it was a treasure. A treasure he’d present to you one day wrapped up in life-long devotion and worship... But Tamaki wasn’t in heaven anymore. He wasn’t going to worship you tonight. For the first time since laying eyes on you, Tamaki wanted to hurt you.

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You turned the shower off and dried yourself. Wiping the condensation from the mirror, you couldn’t help but smile at your reflection. You felt like this was going to be the first time giving your body to someone. Tonight was a redo. You were wiping the slate clean. Your first time would no longer be underneath the football captain in the passenger seat of his truck, left feeling sore and unsatisfied. It was going to be with the guy you should have noticed long ago. It would be soft and slow… passionate and filled with sweet words and caresses… limbs tangled in soft sheets that smell like lavender and vanilla. 

You applied your lotion and moisturized your face. The red lace adorning your body was arranged perfectly, accentuating the soft swell of your hips and chest. With one last glance in the mirror and adjustment of your bra, you opened the door to the cool air of your dorm room…

...And saw Tamaki looking murderous. 

His eyes slowly left the screen to meet your gaze. His tear-stained face had never looked this harsh. His normally sweet eyes were narrowed and red from crying. The sweet lips you’d licked and sucked with such tenderness were hard and cold as they pulled upward in a grimace.

The only thing he said before rising from the bed and setting aside your laptop was your camgirl username. Then he was on you before you could draw a breath to explain.

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Tamaki always thought he liked you best on top of him showering him with kisses and threading your fingers through his hair, but he had to admit… having your arms tied to a bed frame with the silky sash of your bathrobe cutting into your skin was doing things to him. When you sniffled, face stained with tears and snot, his dick twitched in his boxers. The whines you were choking back behind the silky red panties stuffed down your throat sent chills up his spine. You had to learn the hard way not to spit them out after a harsh slap echoed against your skin when you fought back the first time.

Tamaki stood back to survey the mess of skin, spit, and tears for a moment. You were a blank canvas for him to mark up with his rage and lust. You tried to hide away your bare pussy by clenching your thighs together. It only spurred him on.

“Do you have any clue what you’ve done?” he hovered over you, sleek muscles rippling over your own soft body, “I waited, and waited, and WAITED,” he bit down on the side of your exposed neck and you screamed behind the silky gag, trying your best not to expel it from your mouth and receive more punishment.

“I want to give you everything, Y/N,” he licks over the bite, almost apologetically, “I don’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want it to happen like this… FUCK, why?! Why did you ruin this?” his long fingers dug into your cheeks as he forced you to meet his fiery gaze. You couldn’t help whimpering and sniffling back more clear runny snot. You were so humiliated at how disheveled and disgusting you must look. His head ducked into the soft spot between your neck and shoulder and you felt him sob. 

Despite the abuse he’d inflicted upon you in the last ten minutes, you nuzzled your cheek into the top of his head in an attempt to comfort him. And he let you… he hated himself for it and he hated you for making this all so hard for him.

“No… no, no, no,” he rose from the bed to set up your ring-light and laptop, ice running through your veins at the sight. Your mind couldn’t accept what was about to happen.

“I’m... I’m not letting you get away with this,” he shook his head and pulled at his hair as he finished setting everything up, “If you’re insisting on being a slut, you’ll be MY slut. And everyone will know…” he jerked your ankle to force you flat on your back.

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Maybe if he’d let the gag out of your mouth, you’d be able to tell him this was just a job to you. That it was clinical… that he was the only one who had ever been able to get you off, that his face was the only one you’d come on… that you needed the money since your parents had disowned you…

But you only laid there, accepting whatever he was going to dish out. You knew he was hurt. You weren’t stupid. You overlooked him while knowing how he felt about you. It took years of horrible one-night stands and countless frat parties pretending that whatever guy you’d picked that night was interesting for you to come to your senses. You hated yourself for being so blind for so long… You adored Tamaki, truly. And you hated yourself for all the times you’d hurt him… so you swallowed your fear and tried to prepare yourself for whatever came next.

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Any soft parts of Tamaki that you’d grown to love were gone, hardened by heartache and desperation. After angling the laptop to get the perfect shot, he started the live stream countdown. Subscribers started trickling in, commenting on how this was a pleasant surprise since it wasn’t one of your regularly scheduled streams. You shut your eyes to pretend this wasn’t real.

Without fanfare or warning, Tamaki ripped apart your thighs, exposing your bare slit. A raw shrill was pulled from your lungs, your back arching from the sting of an abrupt slap. Neurons fired off in your brain… were you in pain? Was it pleasure?

“Since my girlfriend likes to keep secrets from me, I can’t trust what comes out of her whore mouth,” he emphasized his point by stuffing his fingers past your lips, pushing the soaked silk further into your throat, “So she’s going to keep this gag right here until I can fuck the truth out of her,” he trailed his fingers along your reddened folds. Were you getting wet? Horror and shame blossomed in your chest. The fact that you were growing aroused wasn’t lost on Tamaki. His foreign, sadistic grin was back… aimed directly into your soul.  

“So that’s what you like, huh?” His nails bit into your thighs leaving tiny crescents behind, “I’ve been too nice? Too soft?” He pushed your thighs impossibly wide, the stretch causing you to moan. He hovered over your core, onyx orbs blown wide with a mix of hate and lust. Tamaki looked like the devil himself and you wondered just how fucked up you were for wanting his punishment.

He opened his mouth and lolled out his tongue, never severing the desperate gaze you both shared, his intertwined with hunger, yours with fear. You’d never noticed how long and thick his tongue was and couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel caressing every ridge and crevice of your inner walls. He flattened the warm, wet muscle and pressed it along your slit. As he slowly slid it closer and closer to your burning clit, you whimpered and bucked your hips chasing the pleasure you knew he was capable of giving… but this was not your sweet boy and he wasn’t doing any of this for your pleasure.

He slung his arm over your lower stomach and growled into your drenched lips. You were pinned down, helpless against his torturous tongue. Fresh tears pricked at your eyes as you remembered how he’d let you pet him and buck into his face, how sweetly he’d ease you into a gentle release. Not this time… it was all teeth and sharp sucks, his tongue forcing you open violently. You were being shoved over a cliff and despite the horror and violence of what was happening to you. You were approaching an orgasmic state at record speed. Tamaki caught on and doubled down. The arm that wasn’t pinning you into the mattress pulled your leg down straight, your knee in a death grip. The new angle made the sensations even more intense. His face pressed harder into your core and you noticed that at some point, he’d started weeping, small sobs vibrating against your skin. The overwhelming mix of emotions and the vigor in which he was eating you shoved you over the edge.

He kept going along at the same speed with the same determination through your orgasm until it became painful. You pushed past it as best you could, allowing him to sob into your over-sensitive skin until he had his fill. As the pain started intermingling with pleasure, your legs shook and the gag couldn’t hold your screams back any longer. You released against his tongue once more, both of you sobbing. He laid against your thigh for what felt like an eternity before he lifted himself to lay on top of you, his hip bones digging into your soft thighs. You could feel the bulge through the thin material of his boxer briefs. Your hips rose to meet it, a pleading gesture filled with the desire to comfort and please him. Your eagerness encourages his mercy, there’s a meek cry that leaves your lips when the damp silk slips from between your teeth.

“Please baby… I’m so, so sorry I didn’t tell you…” your voice was as weak as a kitten’s cry and Tamaki couldn’t deny it made his heart (his dick) clench.

“Say it…” his lips were close enough to kiss, but you resisted… fearful of what he’d do if you did.

“Say what, Tama?” your eyes were wide with concern and confusion. You were desperate to please him.

He turned your face to the camera that you’d forgotten was there and the gravity of the situation crashed around you again. New tears leaked from your stinging eyes as Tamaki whispered into your ear.

“Say that you’re a lying whore…”

“I..I’m a lying whore…”

The last syllable broke as your abused throat grew accustomed to speaking again. He rewarded you with a soft kiss to your cheek and your eyes closed at the tender gesture. The familiar pain in your chest welled to the surface causing even more tears to escape.

“And tell everyone that you’re my own personal slut”

You repeated the phrase to the audience behind the screen and he hummed with approval, trailing one finger along your wet cheek. 

“Good girl…” the praise sent shivers through your wrecked body.

“And tell them from now on, your boyfriend will be the only one making you come… that they only get to see you be HIS slut.”

You noticed the chat going absolutely haywire at your announcement. Before Tamaki shut your laptop, you realized you’d made three times as much as you’d ever made before and a twisted sense of accomplishment filled your cloudy mind.

“Please,” your voice came out in a croak, “Please untie me. I wanna make it up to you,” his clothed bulge was burning into your core and you could tell he was close to breaking.

“Please let me make you feel good. I’m so, so sorry,” the clench of your thighs around his waist made him whimper.

He reluctantly pulled away to sit on the foot of the bed. The way he curled in on himself hugging his knees made him appear so small, so fragile… a complete change from the man who’d just manhandled you into restraints.

“You’re a liar…” you almost didn’t hear the whisper, his face buried into his knees.

“Please!” you were losing feeling in your hands and all you wanted was to be free to comfort him.

His eyes met yours and it was your Tamaki again... Your sweet boy… the snarling, green beast that threatened to devour you was sleeping now after it reached its fill of violence. He crawled over your body and released your restraint. Before you even regained feeling in your hands, you wrapped your arms around him. You littered his collarbone with sweet kisses and apologetic sobs. He began to melt into your affectionate gestures and you wrapped your legs around his waist pulling him impossibly close. Wet lips met and your tongues fought against each other for dominance. Hips began to roll against each other, increasing pressure until you both gasped. 

The violence was gone, but this was still not a gentle coupling like you’d been planning. Tamaki pulled away and freed his straining cock from his boxers. The skin-to-skin contact made your eyes roll back into your skull. You felt his long fingers grasp your throat, squeezing to remind you just how powerful they were. You shuddered in response, arching upward into his touch, chasing that high his dominance was giving you.

With one swift motion, Tamaki speared you onto his cock. With the minimal prep he’d given you, the stretch was agonizing. This was by far the largest cock you’d ever taken and it stole your breath from your aching lungs. You moaned earning a visceral reaction from the boy on top of you.  

Tamaki stayed as still as he could. He refused to come so soon… not when he’d waited so long for this. He tightened his grip on your throat and tentatively rocked his hips into yours. It didn’t take long for it to progress into the most frantic love-making you’d ever experienced.

There was no other way to describe it, he was hate fucking you… biting and sucking your chest until blood bloomed under your skin… hammering into your sore, sticky cunt with total abandon… he was using you like a toy, taking out all his frustrations on your body.

It was ecstasy.

When his hips stuttered as he met his release, the spasms of his tip against your gummy walls sent you into a painful orgasm. You were spent and it seemed like he was too. Your fingers twitched over the crown of his head, wanting to run your fingers through his hair but too scared to initiate any contact with him. As if he could read your mind, he grabbed your hand and placed it on his head. You sighed and began carding through the tangles, gently undoing them. You felt a stream of tears running down your chest as you worked your fingers through his strands. Lifting his face gently, you met his teary gaze with your own.

“Don’t…” he drew in a shuddering breath, “ever lie to me like that again…” the monster behind his eyes stirred quietly, a malicious glint in his eye, before shifting back into your gentle boyfriend. 

“Never, I swear to you, baby…” he lets you lift his chin gently to meet your lips. His eyes close and he sighs into your kiss. His muscles relax and when his eyes open again, his warm, adoring expression falls over your face. The hand that wanted to choke the life out of your eyes minutes ago now caresses your jaw tenderly,

“I trust you…” his lips turn up into a grin that’s just a little too wide, “Because you’re a smart girl, aren’t you?” his top lip brushed against your still trembling bottom lip…

“Y-yes…”

You were fucked. This whole situation was fucked up and you weren’t blind to the fact. But as Tamaki nuzzled into your neck placing soft kisses and whispering praises into your skin, you let yourself bask in the gentleness of the moment…

Because you were a smart girl and smart girls learn their lessons quickly... 

[sour--disposition]

Take Me By The Hand

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harry lewis x fem!reader

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requested: Heyy, could you do the ‘take my hand’ concept that you did with JJ, but with Harry?? Love your writing sm! Xxx

please see my pinned post for masterlist and request info!

One taking the others hand to help them up

You were 4 when you first met Harry properly. You’d been running around the playground, chasing after one of your friends when you’d taken a tumble and ended up in a small heap on the floor. Harry had come trotting over, sticking out a hand to help you up.

“Is your knee okay?”, he asked you.

“I don’t think so. It’s bleeding”, you told him sadly. 

Harry kept hold of your hand, dragging you over to where the teachers on duty were standing. “She hurt her knee”, Harry said bluntly, poking one of the adults and then pointing to your knee.

Harry followed you and the teacher inside, sitting next to you as you had your knee cleaned and a plaster stuck on. The teacher left to fill in the accident book and write a note for you to take home. “I’m Harry”, the boy said as soon as she’d left.

“I’m Y/N”, you told him with a bright grin.

“Shall we be best friends?”, Harry asked with a toothy smile.

“Yes!”.

-

Holding hands whilst one walks on a small wall

You and Harry had stayed best friends from that day forward. There wasn’t anything that you didn’t do together. Harry would always be the first person you’d turn to whenever anything was wrong. He held your hand through every trip you took to the first aid room in your primary school and he shouldered his way through to sit next to you whenever you were in a classroom together.

Harry asked you out on your first date when you were both 15. You’d gone to his house after school, pestering him until he did his homework before you let him outside. He’d been pacing around the lawn in front of you, completely distracted from his kickaround with Josh, as you sat on the deck with Rosie.

“What’s wrong with him?”, she asked from beside you.

“I have no idea”, you told her. “You know what he’s like though”, you dismissed, all the while worrying about your best friend.

Rosie and Josh ran inside 20 minutes later to help set the table for dinner, leaving you and Harry alone in the back garden. “Are you gonna tell me what’s up with you?”, you asked him.

“Do you wanna go on a date?”, Harry blurted, leaving you stunned. The two of you were wide-eyed in surprise, both with words caught in your throat that you were desperately trying to say. 

“Yeah”, you smiled.

A week later you met Harry by the beach. You’d seen each other through the week during school and spending the evenings after school together, but this evening felt different. This evening would be the one that potentially changed yours and Harry’s relationship forever.

You walked side by side down to the sea front, stopping and sitting on a small wall there. The two of you talked for hours, like you always did. Harry telling you about his family, about what happened in the few classes that you didn’t share together, telling you about his day and you returning the favour. You laughed well into the sunset, a soft silence falling over you as you watched the sun dip beneath the Guernsey horizon.

“It’s getting dark, and it’s cold. Let’s head back”, Harry suggested. As soon as you’d stood up, you stepped up onto the wall you’d just been sitting on, making you ever so slightly taller than Harry. With your arms held out for balance, you took a few tentative steps.

Harry reached out, grabbing your hand to keep you steady. You looked over to him, a shy smile on his face that you soon mirrored, paired with a rosy blush. Harry kept your hands entwined as you walked along the wall, matching his pace with yours so he didn’t rush you and cause you to stumble.

When you reached the end of the wall and jumped down, your hand didn’t leave Harry’s.

-

Holding hands whilst driving

Harry had never let whatever Youtube success he was gaining get in the way of the two of you. He always made time for you, always made you feel important. As soon as he’d learnt to drive and got a car, you and Harry would spend hours traversing the coastline, wind pouring into the window and billowing through your hair as you watched the cliffs and waves pass you by.

If you were in his car, Harry would insist on you being in the passenger seat, no matter who else was joining you. His hand would always rest on your thigh as he drove, only ever moving to change gear before quickly returning to its place.

Your fingers were wrapped loosely in his, making sure he was able to let go and reach for the gear stick whenever he needed to. The roads along the coastline were fairly straight, only ever bending slightly and no sharp turns in sight.

With the road empty bar from the two of you, Harry snuck a glance over to you. Your face was illuminated by the soft glow of the sun, hair windswept against the headrest and over your shoulders.

“I love you”, Harry said simply. It was no massive declaration, it didn’t have to be. You and Harry had been friends for 13 years, together for nearly 2. He’d loved you for as long as he could remember.

“I love you, too”.

-

Possessive hand holding

The first time you visited Harry in London was quite the nerve wracking experience. Aside from helping him move his stuff into his flat with Lux and Freezy, you’d barely seen him since he’d left the small island you both called home.

You waited by baggage claim, leg shaking with restless, nervous energy. It was just your luck that your suitcase was one of the last to make its way through and round the conveyor belt, the hall almost empty by the time you’d got your belongings.

Harry was waiting for you just outside arrivals, just as restless and nervous as you were. His eyes had been glued to the door from the minute you’d text him to let you know you’d reached baggage claim. Every person that walked out of the sliding doors that wasn’t you irritated him even further. It had only been a few weeks since he’d last seen you, and he was going mad.

At last, you trudged through the doors, looking a little worse for wear and incredibly pissed off. But you were there.

Harry wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight against his chest. “I’ve missed you so much”, he whispered into your hair. “The guys are already at my place, I hope that’s alright”, he told you. “They’re really excited to meet you”.

At Harry’s apartment building, he kept a tight hold on your hand as he led you upstairs. “Harry, it’s okay”, you assured him, squeezing his hand.

“Just nervous”, he told you.

Harry led you into the apartment, pausing for a second so you could drop your case by the door and kick your shoes off. His deathly tight grip on your hand never waned, like he was scared you were going to escape.

“Lads, Y/N”, Harry said awkwardly as he led you through the doorway. “Y/N, both of the Cals, Ethan, JJ, Simon, Josh, Tobi and Vik”, he introduced, pointing to each man in turn as he said their names.

“Nice to meet you”, you smiled happily.

You sat next to Harry on the sofa, squeezed up against his side. His hand was still gripping onto yours, squeezing tighter whenever any of the guys started to talk to you. “Harry”, you whispered, wiggling your fingers in his grip. “What’s wrong?”.

“Someone looks a little jealous if you ask me”, Freezy poked, wicked grin shooting across the living room.

“Oh, give over”, you scoffed, flicking Harry in the chest. “You buffoon. There’s nothing to worry about. Now ease up, you’re cutting off blood flow to my fingers”, you teased.

-

Rubbing their thumb over the other’s hand 

“I don’t wanna leave”, you sighed, leaning further into Harry’s chest. “I miss you too much”, you whispered.

“I miss you, too”, he told you, wrapping both arms around your body and pulling you closer.

Harry watched over your shoulder as you opened your phone and pulled up flight times for a few weeks time, scrolling through them to find the cheapest option. Seeing Harry as often as possible was taking its toll on your finances and Harry knew you’d only accept so much help from him.

“What if this was the last time you flew home?”, Harry asked into your hair.

“What do you mean?”, you asked, thumb pausing over the screen.

“I spoke to Cal about it the other day, before you came”, Harry started. “How would you feel about moving to London?”, he asked.

You turned in his arms, facing Harry. “Are you being serious?”, you asked, a blossoming grin eager to bloom over your face.

“As I’ve ever been”, he whispered.

3 weeks later, you waited at the gate in Guernsey airport, surrounded by your family. “I’m so happy for you”, your mum whispered as she pulled you in for a tight hug. When she pulled back, you were both laughing through the tears that had begun to shed. “You and Harry deserve to be happy”, she told you.

They watched and waved as you walked towards the flight bridge, knowing that this would be the last time they’d see you for a while. You sat in your seat, watching as Guernsey got smaller and smaller below you. Although leaving home was never going to be an easy thing, you knew that you could build a home wherever Harry was.

You’d already shipped a lot of your stuff over to Harry, leaving you only to bring a large suitcase with you on your flight. You had no idea what to expect when you arrived, whether your stuff would be in Harry’s room or boxes strewn into whatever corner of the apartment they could fit into.

“Here”, Harry said as you sat in the car in the car park outside of the apartment building. He handed you a key on a keyring. “House keys”, he told you.

“Thank you”, you smiled

Harry pulled your case behind you as you walked up to the apartment. You stilled in front of the door, Harry pulling to a stop next to you. “Are you okay?”, Harry asked, voice filled with concern.

“Yeah”, you assured him quietly. “It’s just a lot, y’know”, you murmured.

“I know”. Harry’s thumb skimmed across the back of your hand in a soft, repetitive, soothing pattern. “I love you”, he reminded you, thumb never halting its soft reassurance against your skin.

“I know”, you smiled up at him. “But I love you more”.

-

Unconsciously searching for the other’s hand whilst asleep

If you were to ask Harry when he knew you’d be in his life forever, he’d have told you when the two of you were 5. Teasing from the other kids about you being best friends with each other was almost never-ending, but you and Harry always found a way to make light of it.

It wasn’t uncommon to see you and Harry playing with the dolls amongst the other little girls or racing around through the mud with the other boys. Everyone quickly learnt that where Harry went, you went and where you went, Harry went.

Harry knew you were going to be his bestest friend forever when he’d sat down on the grass to play and realised that there were no toys left. You’d come and sat down next to him and you’d played in the mud together, making daisy chains and mud pies and potions that you stirred with sticks, never caring about the dirt coating your pretty pinafore dress.

If you were to ask Harry when he knew that your relationship was meant to last, he would fumble and stumble over his words, not really knowing what to say. It was something that brought his friends great joy, asking what he saw in the future for the two of you. After all, you had been together since you were 15.

The night Harry realised you were his one great love was rather anti-climatic. There was no fireworks or mind-blowing kiss or Earth shattering sex. In fact, you were curled up asleep next to Harry, hair piled on top of your head and the hem of one of his Sidemen Clothing shirts riding up on your thigh.

He’d shut his computer down and gotten ready for bed, sliding in next to you as quietly as possible. Whilst he was lounging in bed next to you, attention focused on the screen of his phone, you’d started shifting beside him. Harry laid stock still, not wanting to wake you up with any movements.

Instead, you reached a hand across the bed, seemingly searching for something. When you couldn’t find whatever it was you were looking for, a frown settled itself onto your face. Harry was sure you were dreaming, but couldn’t resist closing the gap between your fingers and his.

The minute Harry hooked his fingers around yours, the frown on your face disappeared, replaced by a soft, blissful smile. Harry had known you long enough and knew you well enough to know that you were still fast asleep, the gentle sighs falling from your mouth being a dead giveaway.

So, if you asked Harry when he knew that your love was meant to last, he’d tell anyone that listened that it was the moment he realised you loved him even in your dreams.