#guys i’m going to make a video make the shittiest video edit on the face of the earth

[rogloptimist]

name 3 women right now.

[werejusttouchingeachother]

Date Night

Req:  i was wondering if you could do a smut w nct’s jaehyun. really fluffy and preferably sub jae w mommy reader? 

Words: 1742

Genre: smut (m)

Pairing: Jaehyun x reader

A/N: I have no excuses for the title honestly this has got to be the shittiest title I have ever given anything I have ever written but it’s late and I can’t think of anything better that won’t require me to edit and add more dialogues but whatever anyway, to the anon that requested this, thank you for sending this in and let me know what you think! I apologise if the fluff is cringy and weird, this is my first time writing fluff, hence the looooong delay (i rewrote this a million times and I’m still not satisfied ahh) but I hope you like it 💕

The sun has long set when Jaehyun pulls up the car to the back of the dormitory, slowly parking it at the secluded driveway that was reserved only for the members and managers.

The two of you sit in silence, his hand clasped around yours over your thighs, thumb tracing slow soothing circles onto the back of your palm.

Both of your gazes are fixed on the time shown in green right near the digits of the radio station that was playing faintly in the car. You couldn’t help but feel a lump in your throat as Jaehyun tightened his grip on your hand when he noticed where your eyes were, not making a move to let go.

It was always like this—in fact, it had happened often enough that you should be used to it by now—the heavy feeling pressing down on both of your chests as you sat in this same car every night after spending time together, trying to prolong the moments until you had to part.

Dating an idol was never easy and it probably never will be—you knew this when you first said yes to Yoonoh when he had asked you out.

But now as you watched him give you a small forced smile that didn’t meet his sad puppy-eyes which were already working their spell on you and keeping you rooted to your seat, it was difficult to regret saying that ‘yes’. And as you raised your hand to place it gingerly on his cheek, you felt your heart melt into a puddle as he leaned into your touch, dimples finally coming out as he smiled more genuinely.

How could you resist that contagious smile, never mind regret being the cause of it?

“Yoonoh,” you say his name in a hushed whisper, the word falling from your lips like a dark secret that was meant only for his ears. He closes his eyes upon hearing it, and you know he’s cherishing the sound of his real name, the way that only you could make it sound endearing and melt him in an effect akin to that his smile had on you.

You’d decided that you’d only ever call him by that name when you saw the way that he was slightly taken aback at you mentioning it during your first date, the tips of his ears reddening as he stumbled over his words.

He wasn’t the nation’s perfect boyfriend, NCT Jung Jaehyun when with you.

No, with you, he was Jung Yoonoh, the dorky man who sent you videos of him singing 'Baby Shark’ in a chipmunk voice using the Snapchat bunny filter with captions like “will you still love me if I sounded annoying like this?” at one in the morning after a late schedule, followed by more squeaky bunny videos of him whining when you chided at him to sleep and get some rest.

You force the next words out of your mouth, mentally preparing yourself for negative responses so that you could spare yourself from the disappointment as you ask, “What are you doing tomorrow?”

Yoonoh’s face slightly falls as a soft sigh escapes his lips, hand clasping yours and lowering it to his lap so that he could intertwine his long fingers with yours.

“I have practice,” he mumbled softly, the regret already tinting his tone as he continues, “There’s some meeting around noon about our upcoming schedules for the winter showcase and then… yeah. More practice.”

This was another thing you were supposed to be used to now but no amount of mental prepping would even help to lessen the disappointment when you hear about yet another busy day that he has planned out, one that you had no part of.

Reading the expression on your face, Yoonoh’s hand grips yours tighter to get your attention.

“Hey,” he says softly, his other hand reaching to caress your cheek. “Don’t worry. You can come here at night or… I’ll come to your place. Or—”

"Yoonoh,” you say, smiling as you press your lips to the back of his fingers lightly. “It’s fine. You need to rest more. I’ll just see you when I see you.”

He pouted at this, plush lip sticking out. “But I want to see you. I miss you.”

“I’m right here,” you whisper, squeezing his hand in reassurance.

Yoonoh searches your eyes for a moment before leaning forward. You meet him halfway, placing your lips gently on his over the gearshift. His hand snakes around the nape of your neck, holding you firmly as he deepens the kiss, mouth moving against yours. A soft whimper sounds in your throat as he sucks your lower lip into his mouth, the action causing sparks to fly over all your nerves.

You wrap both your arms over his broad shoulders, pressing as much of your torso against his as you could with the gear in between you two as you lick his lower lip for entrance.

Yoonoh immediately relents, his own tongue finding its way in between your parted lips. Your body is quick to respond to every move he makes, warming beneath his fingers as you arch into him. His hands grab your hips and you pull away from his mouth with a gasp as you breathe heavily, “Yoonoh-ah, we can’t, someone could—”  

“Its okay, it’s dark here, no one will see us,” he assures you quickly, already trying to help you up. You don’t put up much of a fight, climbing over the gearshift and settling down on his lap in such a way that you skirt is splayed around your thighs that are straddling his legs.

Yoonoh’s hands immediately rest on your exposed thighs, his fingers feeling cool against you skin as you press yourself completely against him. You kiss him heatedly, hair falling around both your faces like a curtain.

His expensive perfume that you were addicted to and his natural musky odour enveloped your senses as you slightly shifted on his lap, feeling his hardness right against your clothed core. Yoonoh groaned lowly, fingers digging into your thighs as you grinded against him slowly. You moved your hips up and down in an almost torturous sensual dance, teasing both of you slowly until he was panting against your mouth.

“Babe,” he sighed and you pulled away from his lips, eyes meeting his wide ones. You cocked your head to the side, pulling your hair over your shoulder as your fingers worked on unzipping the fly of his jeans and pulling him free from the restraints of his clothes. You began riding him then, your panty dampening with both of your wetness and sticking to your folds such that you could move your clit against his length perfectly, the sparks of pleasure causing you to bite your lip to not moan out loud.

Yoonoh’s pupils were dilated as he gazed up at you, watching you ride him like you were the most beautiful sight that he’d ever seen. He recognised the look in your eyes, hands coming up from your thighs to rest firmly on your hips as you moved them over his bare erection.

You placed your hands on his shoulders as you started moving slower, breathing heavily with every torturously slow brush of your clit against him.  

Yoonoh makes a whimpering sound of protest and you lean forward, latching your mouth onto his neck.

“What is it, baby boy?” You mutter and smirk as you feel his dick immediately twitch beneath you at the name, his favourite words falling from your mouth and echoing in the car, the words that always lead to his undoing.

You suck on the soft skin at his throat, kissing and nipping at it while moving your hips slowly until you feel his fingers digging almost painfully into your sides, hard enough to bruise.

“Use your words, baby,” you whisper in his ear, tongue licking a stripe right below it before taking the soft earlobe into your mouth.

“Let me cum,” Yoonoh breathes heavily, his voice thick with the most beautiful mix of desire and desperation. “Mommy, please.”

You smile in victory at the words that you’d been waiting for, raising your head to meet his eyes as you press your hands harder on his shoulders for support, almost pinning him back to the seat as you finally move your hips faster. Both of you exhale in sweet relief at the quick pace as you start grinding harder against him, the soft and wet fabric of your panty sticking to your folds and rubbing you just right with your movements, the friction causing your chest to heave with short breaths as the pleasure grows higher.

“Faster, mommy,” Yoonoh begs and you comply, grinding on him as quickly as you can, ignoring the dull ache in your thighs. He grabs your hips in impatience and you feel him slightly raising himself as he thrusts into you, helping you ride him harder.

It doesn’t take long until he falls apart, your hips moving swiftly as you feel him jerk beneath you, soaking your panties with his warm cum. His head falls back on the headrest as you continue moving, hitting your own orgasm a few seconds after his and Yoonoh is still cumming when you do.

The windows of the car are fogged up, both your bodies feeling entirely too warm and flushed in the air-conditioned car as you lean back against the dashboard, brushing back the hair that was matted to your sweaty forehead.

You meet Yoonoh’s eyes that were already focused on you, his cheeks tinted pink and lips swollen. His hands come around your sides suddenly, placing them flat on the dashboard as he leans forward and kisses you sweetly.

You relax into the kiss, shifting on his lap and then freeze immediately, remembering how you’re basically sopping. Yoonoh opens his eyes and you pull away, trying not to move much as you say, “Don’t stain your pants, all the guys are at the dorm and they’ll never let you hear the end of it. I let you mess up my skirt for a reason, Jung Yoonoh.”

He smiled cheekily. “You should have just let me finish inside you then rather than playing hard-to-get and being a tease.”

You kiss him then, grinning at his words as you promise, “Tomorrow night, baby boy. Same time, same place. I’ll even skip the panty for you.”

[youleftme-clarke]

🎈Happy Birthday to Me 🎈

So, I'm not a big gift person. I'm not a fan of quantifying love in dollar signs. But this year is different. My birthday is different this time around. Because in a world gone so commercial, I've somehow managed to wind up with the greatest birthday present a girl can ask for.

This list is far from inclusive, and only the tip of the iceberg so please don't hate me if I miss you!

And also, tune in tonight around 11pm est to witness my drunk ass doing drunk asks. The last time I got smashed and went on Tumblr, I ended up screaming about there being avocados in my guacamole, so tonight is sure to be an adventure. Who knows, maybe I’ll put out a few drunk drabbles if I’m in the mood...

🎁 @octannibal-blake Liz! My anonymous hyena! My angst hoe! My love! You have become such a constant in my life in such a short amount of time and I don't know where I'd be without you. You're one of the kindest people I know. You're caring and understanding and I am so thankful to have gotten to know you. I love our Tuesday night screaming and our angsty writing. I love how you're always there for me, through thick and thin. I love how your inappropriate sense of humor is on par with mine. Basically, I love you, and I'm so thankful we're friends.

🎁 @the-most-beautiful-broom Lindsay you beautiful New Yorker! Have I mentioned lately how much your beautiful face lights up my dash on tuesdays? Because you're my dream aesthetic that I'll never be able to manage. You're a hero to tall women everywhere, standing tall and proud in a way I'm envious of. You're a kick ass woman in a male-dominated industry and that basically makes you my idol. And that’s not even touching on your absolutely incredible writing. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, from just being a friend to reading and editing my writing to co-running a blog with me. I love you so! We need to finish that fluffy as hell Jeresa wedding fic soon!! I still don’t know if I love you or hate you for absolutely ruining all hopes I’ve ever had of finding a man good enough for my standards after introducing me to James Valdez... One thing is for sure, I now know I’ll only ever date a guy in aviators. 

🎁 @asroarke my very own southern belle <3 your very specific brand of humor is something I never knew that I needed in my life until it was there and I realized I’d be lost without it. Your love for Shawn Macallan Mendes never ceases to amaze me. I don’t love that we’re going through the same sort of situation right now, but I do love that I have you by my side through it to talk to and to understand. I’d be lost if I didn’t have you to turn to when my world gets dark, so thank you for being just the way you are, even though you think that you’ll be able to out-positivity me one day. Your writing is so incredible it made me terrified to talk to you for ages, but I’m thankful for the realization that we’re all only human (for the most part)

🎁 @raven-reyes-of-sunshine you beautiful ray of sunshine! You are loving and positive and such a bright spot in this world that’s going to shit. I love your writing, your never ending supply of laughs, and all your screaming in the group chat about Jeresa and Bellarke and life in general. Thank you so much for being you <3

🎁 @failing-at-being-an-angel my first real Tumblr friend! I’d be so lost without you! Here’s to a year (and almost a half) of insane long distance friendship. Thank you for all the love you have for me, for your wild stories and understanding heart. You are so much more than you could ever imagine, and the world is a better place because you’re in it. I’m blessed to have gotten to know you over all this time, and to be able to call you one of the best parts of my life. You’re definitely not failing at being an angel. You’re the best one there is.

🎁 @sat-star-one Nat Nat Natalie! My little American bicon! I still remember the time you ran away from your own party to FaceTime me and everyone starting going crazy at my accent. I love the texts you send me about your day, just out of the blue. I read every single one, even though sometimes i’m too busy to answer. You make me laugh, and I’m so glad we started talking over the fic that makes everyone message me. I hope everything goes okay with your dad. I tink about you lots.

🎁 @pillowprincesslexa Kim... I don’t even have words for you. You’re the shittiest person I’ve ever known when it comes to answering messages, but damn girl, you make my whole day worth it when we do talk. You’re brilliant and funny and thirsty as all hell, and that’s what makes every friendship worth it. My Bellarke ass stalks your Alycia blog daily because your posts give me life. I get such a laugh out of you and your anons and please don’t ever change. 

🎁 @galaxyblake Sonia! You absolutely wild Columbian bi! I’ve missed you on my dash these last few weeks, and I hope you’re doing well! I’ve loved getting to know you this year. You’re beautiful inside and out, and I hope you know that! I hope we get to see you again soon <3

🎁 @atlasbellamy MEG! Thank you so much for being you! I loved all your reaction videos that you posted, and all your screaming about Bellarke! I owe you so much for discord and for our little group of delinquents. Your writing is incredible, your talent out of this world, and I can’t wait until you’re famous enough for me to be able to tell people that I knew you back in your fandom days <3 never give up on your dreams, babe!

🎁 @grumpybell okay so we’re not really mutuals (I don’t know, maybe, but we’ve hardly talked) but you’re on the list because you’ve always been such an inspiration for me! You’re talented and funny and you’ve always been such goals for me one this website, so I’m thankful that you’re starting Bellarke After Dark back up so maybe we’ll have the chance to become closer <3

🎁 @op-stand My Canadian sweetheart <3 I’ve loved getting to know you and screaming and shouting about James together. You’re sweet and soft and such a great friend! I hope all the Bellarke and Jeresa this summer brings us closer together!

🎁 @freckldbellamy Kayleigh! Your smile is one of the greatest thing on this green planet! You are too sweet and I’m thrilled to call you friend. I know that you’ll be there for me if I need you. You’re so positive and just such a ray of light in both fandom and in life, and I’m thankful that Lindsay and QOTS brought us together!

🎁 @killsandthrills Hollywood! Your selfies and snaps really make it look like you’re out there living your best life, and that’s what I live for. I’m glad you reached out and joined our little James fandom of 6. It’s been a thrill to watch this show by your side. Never stop smiling. 

🎁 @perhalta Jules! I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone so ready to just serve tea, no matter how scalding. Your sweet smile lights up your whole face and my whole day. Don’t change. Keep being so unapologetically bi as fuck. You’re a gift, and I love you <3

🎁 @nerdybellamy Ezri! If you weren’t so far away on the second best Canadian coast, we’d be such good irl friends! You were one of the first in my fandom fam, and one of the people that really transformed my Tumblr experience from just passively blogging to actively participating in fandom, and I love you for it.

🎁 @blueshirtbell Isla! My British babe! I love your writing and your fangirling about VirtueMoir! Your writing never ceases to blow me away, and I’ve loved getting to know you even more over discord. Your accent is marvellous, your translation of Jordan’s posts truly magnificent, and your entire personality just an overall blessing. I love you my darling!

🎁 @scottmcgivemeacall  FRIEND! I’ve started living for the sound of my chat going off at 10:01 every Tuesday! I love how you come to me every week to lose our minds about t100. I’ve had such a good time watching you slowly spiral as Jeresa took over your soul, and I can’t wait for my messages on Thursday to start going off at 10:01, too!

🎁 @diyozaa MJ! You are just a positive, wonderful, ray of sunshine in this fandom! I love how much you stan Charmaine Diyoza. Let’s be real. She’s the badass criminal we deserve after 4 seasons of disgusting antagonists. Your edits are wonderful, and I’m definitely crying over you making icons with my face this morning! Thank you for being so unapologetically you!

🎁 @dylanobrienisbatman I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT YOU’RE FUCKING GORGEOUS BECAUSE OMG YOU’RE A BABE. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, your smut is just... HOLY SHIT. I can’t believe that I was the one who inspired that? wowowowowwww. I don’t remember why we started talking, but damn am I glad we did! <3 <3 

🎁 @bellamybb KATH! I’m so glad that we’re back in touch after nearly a year apart! You’ve changed my life in so many ways and I’ll never be able to thank you <3 You’re a blessing and I might not even be here if it wasn’t for you, so you’ll always be one of the most important people in the world.

🎁 @thelittlefanpire Sara! You’re so uplifting and encouraging and I love that you’ve recently become such a more active part of this fandom recently. Seeing you on discord makes me smile, because I know that whatever the conversation, it’ll be good. Thanks for being you, supermom and all!

🎁 @queenstephaniaa STEPH! Your QOTS freakouts have me living! I’m so lucky that this incredible show brought me to you. You’re such a blessing and it’s been an honour getting to know you. Please don’t ever change! 

🎁 @verbam i don’t know if you post your name online so I won’t say it, but YOU! The day you posted about looking for blogs that weren’t actively anti-O was the highlight of my year because it was basically “omg! this is it! This is my chance to talk to my biggest writing idol!” You’re the reason I got into fanfic, and the reason I haven’t stopped posting since. You give me the courage to post the wildest smut, and I die whenever you update your fics. You’re such a talented, amazing writer, and I’ve recently gotten to know that you’re also an amazing friend, so thank you for reaching out, and thank you for everything that you’ve inspired me to become! I owe you a good portion of my tumblr fame!

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - Too Much Shit For One Man to Kick

In which Emma’s heart grows three sizes.

Broadcast date: Monday 4/Tuesday 5 September 2017

Now that I've torn myself away from the combination of Destiny 2 and trying to fix my phone, it's time for MONDAY AFTERNOON RAW!: The Nacreous Gem Around The Intrusive Sand Of Roman Reigns Trying To Cut A Promo

trialling a new slogan

daniel's uncle's idea

apparently owning the building means you can give production advice

price of free offices, i guess

anyway, i'm like 70% sure he doesn't read these, so i can say whatever

but yes, the actual show

the bright orange blur in this tumbnail suggests we may be hearing from one mr cena

straight in on a recap video of the contract signing from last week

only presumably without cena kicking a hole in the fourth wall like the fucking shockmaster

also they've edited it to remove roman forgetting how to english

some damn good promos, though

i'm just loving all the shots of kurt in the background gawking like oh god what have i wrought

oh, apparently this is labour day

you'll pardon me for not exactly giving a shit

and we're in omaha

and here's the cena himself

here to cene all over us

oh, apparently we're just kicking straight into a match

and booker's back

i never thought i'd be glad to hear that slurred bullshit

and here comes jason jordan and his dodgy synth music

here to fight cena for unspecified reasons

oh, so we can play the clip of cena debuting against kurt 15 years ago

back when he was ruthlessly aggressive

who doesn't love cross-generational parallels

omaha is super behind cena, possibly for his music containing actual instruments and vocal tracks recorded at the same time

jason goes straight into the amateur mat game, which is not exactly cena's forte

lots of lingering hugs

i think booker just managed to get jason and cena mixed up, but let's be real, i wasn't listening

my mind just levels out everything booker says into a kind of mealy blur

but hey, that's better than the unignorable shittiness of the jerry

(my favourite kundera book)

cena gets a comeback phase, including whipping jason so hard he also faceplanted himself into the mat

that seems poorly thought out

tries to deploy his five moves, jason manages to counter out my backflipping out of a suplex and dropkicking him

fuck you, cruiserweight division

jason takes a five knuckle shuffle, then counters an aa into an indescribably weird rollup

takes an stf for ages, then reverses into a crossface/chinlock thing

cena says fuck you, i'm john cena, stands up out of it and goes for another aa

jj counters out into a beautiful rolling double nothern lights suplex

straps come down, jj unleashes his true power level

and immediately eats an aa for the pin

way to disprove roman's argument that cena buries young talent

oh hye, speaking of

-slips into pre-emptive coma-

and  he's got a mic

fantastic

roman's like why the fuck did that take you 20 minutes that guy's been on the show for like a month

roman really needs to work out what point he's making

so yeah, argument today is that cena's not as great as he thinks he is

and is a lion

fake-ass little bitch

"Roman, I'd say I'm happy to see you, but...I'm disgusted by your whole face."

cena is all out of shits to give

like stop trying to use your brain, it's not your thing

cena immediately addresses roman's inconsistent point

and that his fly is open

which roman turns into lol cos i'm the big dog

ew

men

and cena counters with a balls joke, and roman with a gay joke

fuck's sake, guys

there's a bar, at least make a cursory effort to get over it

cena takes it to roman for having everything handed to him, like damn dude i fucking hate the miz but at least he works for his shots

this is all true

cena's mostly just exasperated

like damn dude, get a clue

so roman's like hey if you want to beat me up let's do that

roman, stop being smug

or just, yknow, go away

cena does not beat him up, so roman's like hey fuck you dude and walks off

that worked, i guess

but later, we apparently have braun/show in a cage

so we can play the gif of those two crushing the ring

also later jeff hardy has an ic title match

but now, enjoy this advert for total bellas

or don't, very much up to you

but now, here come the not-shield

entering to dean's intro

they're gonna be on announce for slater and rhyno vs the kkb

seth and dean should totally rebrand as the sword

god, i love that they've managed to get a dragon ball reference into their entrance

dean's like welp, that's a great entrance,can't take that away from them

confirmation that we've got their title rematch at no mercy

dean goes off on a tangent about jurassic park and getting your face eaten by velociraptors

seth starts giggling

send for the man

corey asks if seth and dean are getting on as a team, dean's like eh, i've had five years to punch this guy in the face, i'm kind of over it by now

back in the ring, heath slater is getting the fuck kicked out of him

but then, that's what he does

inevitable hot tag so rhyno can get some offence in

and then eat a brogue for the pin

dean starts talking smack on the bar, then he's like well we're the bar now hey we should steal their name

dean talks like he fights

cesaro and sheamus do their fusion dance in the ring, and i'm like 90% sure their fusion would be goro from mortal kombat

although more the plasticine fantasticine version from the film, tbh

that's science right there

toasty

cut back to the announce team, where seth and dean have evaporated

and they talk to book about the hurricane

briefly

but now, renee interviews the hardyz

matt breaks in with a semi-broken accent

crowd goes mental

and jeff's like yuuuup gonna win this or get myself killed with the FIRE THAT BURNS WITHIN ME

man can preach

so that's next, i think?

after this ad for randy/shinsuke on smackdown

insert comment about what competition means

and here comes the match

starting with the hardyz

jeff's wearing a connor's cure tabard over all his other clothes, and seriously, i think the man has a problem

it also makes it very hard for him to rock out to their music

cole makes a reference to them wanting to delete paediatric cancer

well played

and enter the miztourage

maryse has a new vest/pvc leggings/sparkly knee boots combo, and as ever, i want it

also perilously close to real human clothes

apparently it's just over 10 years since jeff had the ic belt

bell rings, jeff goes straight for a rollup because fuck wrestling

miz cowers against the ropes like please mr hardy don't beat me

and uses it to throw jeff out to his cronies

a scheme

who would have thought

back in the ring, jeff just punches the hell out of miz's oh-so-punchable face

whisper in the wind for a nearfall

it's taken this long for jeff to jump off something, he must be taking it seriously

sets up for a swanton, bo distracts the ref so curtis can pull jeff off the turnbuckle

sparks a brawl outside the ring, ref is just like fuck this noise all three of you can fuck off

matt is deeply offended like how could you do this to me i was defending my brother's honour

miz counters out of jeff's crotch leg drop, which is good to see, because it is such a trivially easy move to counter

this match is actually p good

it's been like 60% reversals

maryse is still at ringside, which can't possibly be foreshadowing anything

ooh, she's gone with acid-green nails as well

maryse is just my style icon

(as if you didn't know)

miz pulls jeff off the apron, then collapses against the barricade in fornt of a small child in a cena shirt who's like um what

miz gets a figure four one, jeff just goes to counter by punching miz in the face

makes sense when you think about it

eventually gets to the ropes

then hits miz with a stunner, nearfall when miz gets the rope

live by the rope break...

miz crawls out of the ring while the ref shouts at jeff, then immediately eats a baseball slide

and then poetry in motion off the steps

kind of feeling sorry for miz atm

he's bumping like a demon

maryse pulls her husband out fo the way of a swanton, leaving jeff to fuck himself upon the mat

goes for a twist of fate, miz counters into a finale for the pin

damn good match, solid finish

but now, women do things

or so i am assuming by this recap package of banks/bliss

oh yeahb, and nia's inevitable betrayal

announcement: sasha has her rematch at no mercy

and now nia accosts kurt backstage

she's not impressed that she doesn't get a title shot

and emma interrupts to talk about her twitter analytics

she also wants a title shot

nia's just like fuck off or i will actually break you

kurt holds them apart, and hatches a plan

nia/emma v sasha/alexa tonight

if the undercarders win, he'll make the title match a four-way

foreboding shot of the cage, insistent mentions of the ring being reinforced

and have some more recap videos of brig showman fucking the ring

never noticed how hard the ref bumps to the outside when it happens

caught it now, of course, because they've replayed the clip from SEVEN HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN FUCKING ANGLES

but now it's time for cruiserweights to not get an intro

dar, nese and gulak already in the ring

and cedric and gran metalik get to enter with enzo, because seriously, nobody's getting a fucking intro

except enzo, who's brought a mic as usual

enzo tries to spin cheating to win matches as some kind of god-given right because it gets you wins

babyface?

despreately hypes 205 like please watch my show

he introduces cedric and metalik in the shittiest way possible

i spoke too soon, his smacktalk introductions for the other three are even worse

match kicks off with cedric/tony doing the cruiserweightiest wrestling ever

and enzo tags himself in to ruin everything

drew tags in to kick a non-trivial amount of shit out of enzo

not all of it, of course

the man contains too much shit for one man to kick

the heel team start doing rolling tags to take turns fucking up enzo's shit

and then they all just cruiserweight over everything and i can no longer narrate

stereo topes from cedric and metalik, during which enzo tags himself in because he's a twat

and then sticks a thumb in drew's eye to get his stupidly-named finish for the pin

the alleged faces celebrate as drew's outside with his friends like aaaaaaaaaaa i am blind

end segment

and now alexa collars sasha in the locker room to bitch about their opponents tonight

alexa has a cancer shirt too because she's a face by default tonight

this conversation quickly turns into a huge row

that match'll go well

up next, finn bálor wears a shirt

boo

and an advert for the myc, which continues to be great

and here comes everyone's favourite irish possible serial killer

-does the arms-

goes 'this is bálor club' like he's introducing his new talk show

waxes lyrical on his previous titles and how bray wyatt's a dick

finn has chosen his fate

or possibly faith?

this just in, he has an irish accent

calls bray out, immediate wyatt cut

and now we're in the void with bray

talking about learning to hunt as a kid

and the day he decided to stop using a bow and just kill things with his bare hands

i think we could have all filled in that backstory, tbh

taunts finn for only being able to beat him using the demon as his weapon, rather than doing it with his own power and will

and obliquely challenges him for no mercy

finn starts shouting back at him, which is a rarity for these segments

bray calls finn a rabbit, wyatt cut, end thing

so yeah, bray v human!finn for no mercy, presumably

oh hey, more ads for smackdown and total bellas

and now it's women's tag time

cole claims total bellas stars alexa bliss, corey's like um dude that's just a lie

she is here though

this much is true

oh my god i had forgotten how fucking angry i was about emma's new music

although that said, i think it's changed again

it's still not as good as her proper music, but better than last week

cfo$ are clearly going through a weird phase atm

corey is critiquing emma's hashtag efficiency

someone had to

the basic theme if this match thus far is 'tagging yourself in for giggles'

my inner bitch is loving the reluctant passive-aggressive teamwork in this match

(also my outer bitch)

(aka me)

as the smaller woman in the team, emma is performing her proper function of getting fucked on relentlessly

this rule does not apply to alexa, because her rage gives her virtual height

she's like one of those tiny dogs that will FUCKING HAVE YOU

emma finally gets a tag to nia, alexa gets a chance to vent at her

and get creamed

eats a big-ass samoan drop, sasha breaks up the pin after a moment of internal conflict

gets the tag, shining wizard for a nearfall

emma blind tags, nia leg drops sasha, emma gets the pin

i'll be honest, i was not expecting that

four-way should be good, though

emma celebrates extravagantly in the middle of the ring, nia's like um

and samoan drops her

nia will also fucking have you

back to the ambiguous backstage room, where renee has acquired a braun

asks what he's thinking before his first cage match

he's like really what the fuck was kurt thinking, this match might hurt me before my title match at no mercy but will definitely hurt company property

the man does a surprisingly good promo

but up next, seth and dean are back

their walk backstage is briefly interrupted  by elias thrashing out a new song

long beat as they just kind of stand there like what's up with this guy, then shrug and carry on, dean playing along on the air

but next, they fight the good brothers

after these ads for every show we make

back from ads, sheamus and cesaro are in the ring arguing with gallows and anderson for some reason

who am i kidding, you don't need a reason to bitch on those guys

seth and dean still using dean's intro

like, if you're going to just use one, seth's is way better

BURRRRRN IT DOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWN

ref eventually manages to usher the kkb out of the ring, match can commence

sheamus and cesaro seem to have settled on just sarcastically applauding from ringside

someone needs to get them popcorn

this match is a little formulaic, but damn do i love how in sync seth and dean still are as a team

seth/dean v jordan/gable v gargano/ciampa v dawson/wilder

give them a whole show, best tag match possible

as opposed to this particular long-ass superplex setup that didn't even work

dean counters a chokeslam into a dropkick, which is p cool

seth gets the hot tag, commences to jump off every goddamn rope before braun and show fuck them up

dean tries to join in, does a shitty suicide dive

seth hits a lovely top-rope frankensteiner on anderson, the kkb try to interfere, seth gets the pin anyway because they're just that good

and then the good brothers take sheamus and cesaro out while they're distracted

they take a long moment to consider their options, then go back to the ring to fuck up anderson and gallows

and now here's the connor's cure video basically the same as last year, because history and cancer haven't changed much

and they've got the wwe makeup department in to give kids superstar redesigns

that's kind of sweet

and steph giving them all hype ring announcements is cute

dammit, i've fallen for a cute ill kids advert

and they brought alexa, miz, and finn

which seems like a super weird collection

to inspire these kids with cancer, we've brought our resident bitch, a self-important asshole, and a guy who draws power from being possessed by a demon

perfect sense

but up next, main event time

but first, cruiserweight recap vt?

because now we see enzo and his mates in the locker room being annoying

cue sarcastic clapping from neville

and news that those three have all qualified for a five-way elimination match for a title shot at no mercy

neville sows dissesnsion with a few ominous geordie words

closeups of techs reinforcing the ring

and now charly interviews the ref from the ring explosion match, of all people

oh, apparently the ring's double reinforced

not just reinforced

fancy

he's like welp this match is gonna be carnage i'm just going to focus on dodging

and now renee gives big show a hype chat

gah, i'd forgotten his new hairlessness

come on show, give us a YOUUUUU DID THISSSSS TOOO MEEEEEEEEEE

Shockingly, Giant Baby Show says Braun ain’t shit

the dramatic climax of the promo is just show telling us his own nickname

you know how i said braun could promo surprisingly well?

well...not that

seriously guys, how many ads do we need for total bellas?

it's back

we know

ad for 205, in which we learn that the other two slots in the 5-way are kendrick and nese, for no adequately established reason

wait, has anyone seen kurt and show at the same time?

feels like we might have a dr angle and mr show thing going on

corey just referred to braun as "the steam-breathing monster"

um

i have no clue what to say to that

is he coal-powered?

bell rings, braun kicks show in the face

ha

and starts bodychecking him into the cage

weirdly, it goes wrong on the fourth one

show counters with a magic fist, doesn't climb the cage for some reason, cut to ads

cut back and nothing at all has happened

ecept show is now taking his turn to throw his opponent into the cage walls

show starts climbing, braun follows

weird scale going on, since they can both stand on the top rope and touch the top of the cage

show gets crotched really hard

guys, stop doing that spot

it is not good for you

show sets up on the top rope, everyone goes wtf

and does an elbow drop for the first time in like two decades

doesn't connect properly, but still a good moment

goes for the pin, braun kicks out at two because fuck you i'm braun strowman

show crawls for the door, braun walks over, grabs it, and hits show in the face with it

then braun tries to walk over show to get the door himself, and show does eexactly the same thing back to him

see, that was just dumb

braun kind of wanders into a chokeslam, then counters into a ddt for a nearfall

few spots later, show manages to land the chokeslam, braun kicks out because see the above re: fuck you

show goes for a magic fist, braun counters into a powerslam, show counters out and throws braun into the wall

show goes for the climb, followed by braun

gets his chest over the top before braun drags him back down because NOT FINISHED WITH YOU

i have never seen big show on the top rope this much before

braun gets a superplex in, the double reinforcement does its job

still a hell of a crash

and running powerslam for the pin

okay, i'm not usually one for large man punch fights, but that was actually really good

braun looms ominously over his fallen foe, then somehow acquires a mic

calls out brock to see big show's corpse as an object lesson

long ominous beat, then tells big show it's time to go to pasture, picks him up, and powerslams him through one wall of the cage

crowd goes wild

next time they should maybe think about also double reinforcing the cage

show lies on the broken cage wall going aaaa i'm dying, braun stalks off and roars, end show

in all senses

right, well, i've got some bad news

the horizontal line's off in Marbella this week, so we're gonna have to roll straight on

-checks the list of test slogans again-

MONDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN!: Takes Hotter Than Your Dad.

i swear, the things i do so we can have somewhere to record this show that's only occasionally filled with vengeful woodland animals

so yes, the raccoon incident aside, let's watch mackdown

or indeed smackdown

mackdown is the wrestling dating sim i am now going to have to make

opening on a weirdly-saturated recap package of the orton/nakamura situation

the worst holmes story

and yes, the best thing about smackdown today

i'd had it spoiled, but still

JBL IS FUCKING GONE

he's off to do charity work, so we get the double whammy of disadvantaged kids getting support and me not having to listen to his voice

and they've replaced him with corey, making pretty much the ideal announce panel

Tom: "Did you miss me, Graves?" Corey: "Yes!" Tom: "I...am surprised!"

i live for these two talking shit

so yes, orton/nakamura tonight for a title shot at hiac

and here's randy, standing in three-quarter profile in a dimly lit corridor

yknow, like people do

and giving a speech about how he' gonna fuck shinsuke up

cut to shinsuke shadow boxing in the locker room

tells us about how he's gonna fuck randy up, i mostly get distracted by his left shoulder, which i hadn't noticed before

it's kind of fucked

i'm guessing that's a dislocation that healed weird

cut to the ring, and ellsworth announces his bae

only to be interrupted by...kevin?

he's decided he's going to be guest referee for carmella's match with nattie

begins trying to intimidate the ref into taking his shirt off

here's shane

who may have opinions on this fuckery

takes a moment for a cheap pop before getting into professional mode

he's just like kevin

dude

sort your shit out

long tense faceoff

shane's like maybe take responsibility for all these failures which are in all ways your fault

kevin's like fuck you i don't even want to be on this show

shane's like well yeah, cos this isn't the bullshit show where we just give people belts

kevin calls shane out on him needlessly inserting himself into eveything on the show

mentions his dad, gets an ooooooh, mentions his kids, shane immediately gets in his face like fuck you

kevin spins the helicopter crash into this, says his family would all be better off if he'd died there

mentions his kids again, shane explodes on him

well, he did warn him

trips getting out of the ring, killing the moment a bit

throws kevin over the announce table and just absolutely goes to town on him

security pull them apart, bryan turns up to be like the fuck are you doing dude that's an employee

and give the most disapproving dad look you've ever seen

and...cut to an ad for total bellas

way to maintain the mood, guys

and recaps of what happened thirty seconds ago

in which they've edited out shane tripping

ha

backstage, kevin staggers through the room supported by three officials

bryan comes out to apologise

kevin promises to sue shane, wwe, and the entire mcmahon family

bryan's like wow, that seems wildly disproportionate

kevin's like fine, i'll go press assault charges insteads

cut back to announce, corey and byron are both like well he totally deserved that

but yes, now we actually have that carmella/nattie match

recap from last week reminds me precisely how fucking awful carmella's singlet was

thankfully, she's back to normal gear today

provided you count bright orange leggings with leopard-print piping as normal

announce team start spinning next week's 'Sin City Smackdown'

carmella gets her face punched off, retreats to her ellsworth

pan out to naomi watching the match with a look of deep concentration as carmella does a long-ass guillotine choke

nattie powerslams her out, gets a comeback

carmella superkicks nattie, gets a nearfall, ellsworth gives the ref the briefcase

carmella's like wtf no i'm not cashing in give my that back, throws it at ellsworth, and gets rolled up for the pin

ellsworth comes back into the ring to apologise profusely

carmella starts being all magnanimous, then opens up on him

including using the same line twice

calls him a 'genetic defect'

and asks how he's still employed at wwe

really, the question we were all asking

"You are a charity case, and your mother should have given you away at birth!"

wow

harsh

and officially dumps him

takes her case, struts off

leaving james in the ring and the depths of despair

backstage, here's shane looking conflicted

up next, dolph ziggler re-debuts

i have no clue how this is going to go

expect everything

after these ads for the myc and no mercy

and tom giving us a talk about paediatric cancer

roll the video again

refer to my comments above

well, that gave me plenty of time to curate my itunes library

fringe benefits

and here's the dolph

looking...exactly the same

he's got a mic

presumably to tell the fans to go fuck themselves

yup

railing at the fans for not appreciating the greatest performer in the company

and they'd prefer some dumb gimmick

lights go back down, and here he is again

doing cena's entrance

all credit to the crowd for the DOLPH ZIGGLER SUUUUUUUCKS singalong

dolph's like hey, did that not work? i'll try another

lights go down again, and now he's...who had land of hope and glory?

-research break-

yeah, thought it was him

dude, if you're gonna do a macho man entrance, you could at least have the shades

gives up on it, shouts at the crows for not doing the usual nostalgia pop

sends his valet away

and now he promises to have exactly what the crowd want and deserve

and...now he's naomi

the fuck is this

does the knee slide, then gives up

all gimmicks are defeated by ennui

and now he's back to railing against the idea of gimmicks, because anyone can do them

says he, after clearly showing that not everyone can dance like naomi

tells the fans they make him sick, stomps off backstage

so that happened?

up next, sami zayn v aiden english

because this is 2014 nxt, apparently

aiden gets about one line into his aria before sami's music interrupts him

oh yeah, this is the rematch from last week when kevin fucked on everything

and aiden gets a rollup out of nowhere

that lasted about 90 seconds

the bookers have some sort of problem with sami

and aiden's got his mic back

so he can give us some more singing

swiftly tailing off as sami chases him out of the room

let's have yet another recap of shane brutalising an employee

pan out to bryan rewatching it

only to get interrupted by the new day

here to lift his spirits

oh, and here are the usos

to do the opposite

announcing the stipulation for next week

street fight

which seems ill-advised when you're fighting a team of three

bryan gets a call, ushers the new day out

someone bryan calls 'sir' (so vince) wants him to do something in the ring

i know what, because i have a dreadful habit of going on twitter and getting spoilers, but i'll maintain the mystery for now

bryan disagrees, is shut down

and he's going to do............IT right now

(couldn't resist)

and here he is in the arena

gets in the ring, calls shane to come too

he doesn't

finally, here he comes

with nary a HERE COME THE MONEYYYYYYY

not sure i've ever seen either of these this sombre

bryan's like remember last year when the miz was pushing me every week and i made the bold choice to NOT FUCKING ATTACK HIM?

bottom line, you can't assault our employees

fair policy

shane's like yeah sorry but when people talk about my family i go crazy

bryan's just i don't give a single shit you've endangered this entire show because we both know kevin's a vindictive bastard who'll take us for everything

shane offers to go and reconcile with kevin

bryan's like no, i talked to your dad, you're suspended indefinitely

and leaves

shane's left in the ring like welp

why would you leave him there if he was suspended?

eh, wrestling logic

many crowd chants later, shane slumps off

gets a lot of thank you chants for a man who's just been suspended for attacking an employee

and now renee is in the blue curtain room to interview jinder

in an ugly-ass houndstooth suit

asks which guy he'd rather fight, he doesn't give a shit

claims he represents asia better than shinsuke ever could, despite shinsuke actually being from fucking asia

does the promo again in punjabi to speak to 3% of the great nation of india

back in the arena, aj's on announce

to talk about paediatric cancer

(i feel like i'll be writing that phrase a lot in the next few weeks)

and here's baron

sidebar fact: "Won the Money In The Bank ladder match earlier this year"

guys, maybe stop reminding people of that

recap vt of styles/dillinger last week

and of baron being a tool

i feel like i might need to specify that more

and here's tye

and they haven't synced his music with his new tron, so the sexy number voice says 10 when the video's on about 6

kind of love the KO'S A BITCH sign in the crowd

works on many levels

baron slides out of the ring to face off with aj, so tye just jumps out and fucks him up against the barricade

solid advice: maybe keep an eye on the other guy in the match

cut to ads, come back to a really slick spot of baron lariating tye's head off

tye tries to set up for the tye breaker, is thwarted by his opponent being large and heavy

and baron continues to stop having the match he's actually having so he can shout at aj

and i love the complete lack of shit aj gives

baron scores a cheap shot to tye's throat, angering aj, and end of days for the pin

actually a pretty good match

you forget that tye's got a lot of skill in the ring

aj is shocked at baron's lack of honour

because he doesn't watch the show, i guess

up next, "a special look at bobby roode"

ok, whoever edited it to go directly from saying that to a total bellas advert needs firing

backstage, aj congratulates tye on his fight and says next week, the us open challenge will only be open to him

dude

that's not an open challenge

that's just a challenge

and now for a bobby roode video package

enhanced by corey being on this show now so he can run hype for him

and now we're backstage with ellsworth pleading for carmella to forgive him

and being like yes i'm subhuman and i don't deserve anything please take me back

this is not healthy

carmella says from now on, they're doing things her way

gives him a huge kiss, then slaps his face off

flounces off, leaving ellsworth to be like the actual fuck is my life

but now we have a main event

here comes the very finest in flailing japanese men

and adverts for all our other shows

and also a fucking snaaaaaaake

loving the contrast of entrances

incredibly theatrical alien dance vs walking slowly down the ramp

cut over to jinder and the singhs in his skybox

tom mispronounces kinshasa even before the bell rings

this is why we got corey on here

whoever you are trying to get your MAGA sign to constantly show up on hardcam, kindly fuck off

randy does a massive hotshot, aided by shinsuke being an extremely floppy man when he wants to be

randy goes for his draping ddt out to the floor, shinsuke reverse out because that would be dangerous as fuck if he hit it

throws shinsuke into the announce desk, corey's like this is the worst first day ever

shinsuke just decides to get a comeback spot like oh hey maybe i should just kick him in the face a bunch

superplex to shinsuke, and the setup only took a small percentage of my life this time

lovely spot as shinsuke's reeling on his knees then just leans back into doing his cmoooooooon

goes for a kinshasa, randy counters into a snap powerslam

into a draping ddt, because you know randy's spots

strikes up the snake, which is still weird when your whole thing is hitting it out of nowhere

goes for an rko, shinsuke counters into an armbar then transitions to a triangle

that was fucking lovely

randy powers out, shinsuke counters an rko into a backstabber

see, this is how you preserve finishers

and kinshasa for the pin

oh, sorry corey

KINSHAAAAAASSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAA

(totally why corey's here)

well thank fuck for that, i'm not sure i could have taken another orton/mahal rematch without taking up amateur tattooing or something

backstage, bryan tells kevin they're done

kevin's like fuck that, imma run the show next week

and bryan drops the bomb that vince'll be there next week to sort shit out

great

ah well

and brief cut back to shinsuke partying so we have something to end on

and thus we finish the week's shows

by which i do of course mean last week's shows

one day i'll actually get my shit together and be punctuahahahahaaaa sorry i couldn't get through that

[Don’t forget to follow Emma on Twitter, where she’s @Waruce]

[bughead-bound-blog]

Beginner’s Edition: YOU

“ Create a post with positive message for someone going through a tough time. Make a text post, a video post, use stickers, make a GIF—whatever feels right to you.”

This one goes out to each and every one of my followers! 

This is a little bit embarrassing but I wrote this initially to myself when I was feeling pretty down when I was 16 (hence the somewhat juvenile language of it as 16 wasn’t yesterday for me) but I like that it is genuine. 

On some of my shittiest days I just go back to read this little reminder from my past self. I’d like you guys to have it, too. ---

For starters, let me get this one out of the way. It's a little obvious. Stop staring at your face that way! I see you doing it again. You have no idea what it means to the people who know you well. They read it to know when to make you laugh, or when to ask you "is something up?" Your face is a welcome sign for your friends when they scan over a room full of strangers, so stop thinking up ways to carve it up - to adjust it to your liking. They just mightn't recognize you anymore. Now, take a good look at your hands. I mean it now! Look at those poor slaves, and give them the gratitude they deserve. Think of everything they've done for you! They've gotten you through every test, endured your nibbling, written each of your friends those forbidden notes in class. They hold your door open for you, hell they even get that food to your mouth. If you lost one FINGER on one of those suckers, you'd be sour then. So give credit where it's due. While we're at it, lets not forget your other permanent lackeys, your feet. Those bad boys pick it up when you're late, they're your best friends before a drivers license. They took you out of some gnarly places you wanted to get out of - FAST. Or, they happily carried you to a convenience store for a treat without question. Here's another easy one. Those things that make you happy? Be it drawing horses, reggae, chocolate milk, pizza day at lunch, Sonic or Mario, maybe your dog or your cat. I'm talkin' bubble baths so quiet you can hear the bubbles pop. I'm talkin' just sitting on the couch with a friend you’re so comfortable with that the house is a mess, so are you, and it actually doesn’t matter. Please don't let go of and forget those moments. They can happen and go and once they’re gone you're going to miss them.  And be damn proud of them. You hear me? Don't let someone tell you they're 'uncool' or 'stupid' or you're 'too old' or that bullshit. Tell those people to take a walk.

Listen. If you're 35, 85, 105 and you still want to dress like a Ninja Turtle on Halloween, or if you’re feeling like a loser on a Friday but you still want to have fun and the only company you have to have a dance party with are your cats, frig it. Do it. You only live once, guys. It's time to start saying yes and having more laughs. This life you’re living is for YOU, not anyone else. I'm almost done, but this one is HUGE. That body of yours. You'll try to cram it into the latest jeans, pump it up with protein powders and weights, test it with tattoo needles and piercings, force it into too small shoes, criticize it for not being able to accommodate labels such as 'xxs'.  ENOUGH ALREADY!! Whatever it is you’re doing it for, just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons -- do it for you, and not because you don’t like yourself, or wish someone else did. Be exactly who you want to be, and don’t apologize for it. Clothes rip and fall apart, or they end up at the Salvation Army. Beauty has a time limit. LIMITED TIME ONLY, FOLKS. Those models who flaunt their naturally God given features and their airbrushed bodies and power to them for doing it but some days just seeing them makes you want to fucking scream because your own boobs are two different sizes and you’re gap-toothed and the damn muffin top is a constant and no matter what you do your hair is always. Frizzy.  Well, if it’s any comfort about the models, gravity will get them, too. Their boobs will fall, crows feet, gray hair, varicose veins . . . Yes, even the models. No matter what amount of plastic a person fills themselves with, THEY ARE GOING TO GET OLD. They WILL be wrinkled, toothless, but happy grandma's and grandpa's. And I mean, lets think about grandma’s and grandpa’s for a second. Those motherfuckers are BOSS. They’re basically the best people on the planet. AND ONE DAY THEY WILL BE YOU. And when you’re old you get away with whatever the fuck you want because you’ve seen it all and done it all and who the hell doesn’t love a granny or grampy? We all know they are the ones that know everything. Is that really that scary? Because that sounds awesome to me.  So why not start making friends with your poor body? Treat it better! Make friends with it. You've got ONE, that's it. No matter what experiment you unleash on it, it'll still be there when Angie & Brad start looking like California Raisins. Now be reasonable, people. Get some good mileage out of that body, instead of just staring at it already. For my grand finale . . . let me be frank. Friends may certainly come and go. Your boyfriend/girlfriend may become a fiancee and later a wife or hubby, but they may also become the reason for your next tantrum, breakdown, or smashing rampage. This goes for all kinds of love -- friends, family, lovers, what have you.  My biggest slice of heaping advice to offer you . . .  Please. I'm BEGGING you now, PLEASE. Never lose sight of who you really are. Only YOU know all of your shames, your hopes, your needs, what you take on your burger- See?! You might be vegan. You might hate burgers. (I find that hard to believe.) It's best left to you to list what does and doesn't count to you. All I can tell you is, YOU, are the most important asset you can possess, and for a limited time only. Life is short, so strike while the iron is hot! You are timeless, you are going to see things unique to where you are, who you know, what you want - wherever your mind wants to take you. Nobody will ever see the world the way you do.  Even when you don't feel valuable yourself, I am guaranteeing you now, there is one person who would cry like a bitch at your funeral. So don't take it for granted, don't take YOU for granted, not for anything, not for ANYONE. I'll finish it off with my favorite quote from Mr. John Lennon: "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." Now get out of here and start giving yourself a bit of credit. 

[blepbean]

Tythan fanfic (Chapter 2)

You guys better feel special because I typed this in my phone and it’s really awkward and annoying to do

Well have fun anyway

“ Here we are.” “ Thank you, Tyler really for this whole thing. I appreciate.” “ No problem.“ Ethan exited the car. Tyler’s car drove off in the distance, Ethan can still hear the roar of the engine. Ethan is particularly good at hiding his emotions, Ethan felt crap. He doesn’t want to tell anybody what’s happening or how he’s feeling. He wanted to know everyone by that he’s a smooth bean, happy every time. Ethan collapsed on his bed, he put his pillow on over his face. Tears began to go down Ethan’s cheeks, the pillow absorbing the tears. The thought of saying to his friends that he was gay, sickened him. Maybe they will leave Ethan, make fun of him. Who knows? And that the fact that Ethan has feeling towards Tyler, and Ethan’s family says that Ethan can’t be gay.

Ethan felt shit, like the most shittiest thing there was. The cold began to seep into Ethan’s bedroom. Ethan didn’t care that he will get a cold, he probably deserved it. Ethan began to shiver. And all to soon sleep took over Ethan. The next few days Ethan stayed in his ‘habitat’. Whenever Ethan’s phone would ring he ignored it, though it was probably his friends he couldn’t care less. He sat at the TV, eating chips and ice cream. Letting all the rubbish and wrappers build up in his living room. He vegetated in front of the TV. Using his sleeping bag as a ‘blanket’. Though Ethan gained weight eating junk food and not eating healthy. That didn’t take to account in Ethan’s mind.

Mark walked back and forth. While the group was talking about Ethan’s disappearance.“ He’s not usually like this, and I just checked social media and Ethan hasn’t posted anything on Tumblr, twitter in the past few days.” “ I hope he’s OK.” Amy said “ What are we going to do? Ethan hasn’t answered our calls.” Mark said. The group discussed about possibilities of what happened to Ethan. “ I’m going to go to his apartment .” Tyler blurted out, the whole group went quiet. “ I already tried that Tyler, didn’t work.” Said Kathryn. “ It’s going to work Kathryn, Ethan can trust me.” And that Tyler went out of the door, went back in to grab his keys. The rain battered against Tyler as he got outside, but Tyler didn’t care if he’s going to get soaked.

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*Time skip boi+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

“Hello? Ethan it’s me Tyler.” “Go away.” Tyler was relieved to hear Ethan’s voice once again. “Ethan please open the door, everyone’s worried sick.” Tyler knocked on the door. “Ethan, answer me.” Tyler cried out. The door swung open. Ethan looked, well depressed. Tyler had a urge to roll Ethan into a blanket and just comfort him.“ Ethan are you OK, you look like you haven’t showered in a while.” Tyler went inside and closed the door behind him. He followed Ethan as he sat down in the couch. Tyler noticed the mess in Ethan’s living room.

“What happened?” Tyler asked. Ethan began to sob. Tyler sat down with him, patting him on the back. Ethan began to calm down.“ Can you keep this a secret, what I tell you?” Asked Ethan. Tyler nodded, turning off the TV. Ethan began to explain that he was gay, how everyone would react to Ethan being gay, how Ethan’s family was homophobic. But he didn’t tell Tyler about his feelings towards him.“Ethan.” Said Tyler.“ We would never think of you like that, you need to get a shower, take care of yourself.” “Tyler, promise me you wouldn’t tell anyone this conversation.” “Mark my words.” Said Tyler, wiping away Ethan’s tears.

As Tyler stayed in Ethan’s apartment for the night, while Ethan was in the living room cleaning up. Tyler went inside the recording room which was a ordinary set up. Tyler didn’t know much, but he did know how to do the basics of how to edit. “Hello everyone.” Tyler’s voice was quiet, he looked into the camera.“Ethan was sick for the past days.” Lied Tyler.“ So I want you guys.” Tyler pointed at the camera.“ To cheer him up, get together to make something, a video. I’m staying to comfort Ethan.” After a few edits Tyler uploaded the video. Surprised that he still remembered Ethan’s password.“Hey Tyler.” Yelled Ethan.

Tyler quickly walked out of the recording room and stepped out of the hallway. Ethan who just had a shower looked much better when Tyler saw Ethan in the afternoon.“ See, a good shower fixes everything, also Ethan you gained weight.” Ethan quickly realized that he gained weight for the past few days.“ Wait, I did? Well I’m going to have to work that out.” The older man looked at Ethan. Ethan grabbed Tyler, and hugged him. Tears began to fall, making Tyler’s shirt wet.“ Thank you Tyler.” Ethan mumbled, his face Buried into Tyler’s chest

[placetobenation]

SmackDown on Fox Episode #45 SmackDown Episode # 1,094 Orlando, FL – WWE Performance Center 7/7//20 We open the show with a recap video that covers the Swamp Fight as well as what happened last week between The Fiend and Alexa Bliss. We then go to the Firefly Funhouse where Wyatt has removed all of the pictures on his wall and replaced them all with pictures of Braun Strowman. Wyatt says he has been getting a lot of hate for what happened to Alexa Bliss last week, but the person who should be blamed is Braun Strowman as he could’ve prevented it from happening if he had just given The Fiend what he wants. Wyatt says The Fiend will be there later tonight and he is bringing a special friend, Wyatt advises Strowman to give The Fiend what he wants or else Alexa Bliss will truly see how evil The Fiend can be. Wyatt then waves bye as this edition of Firefly Funhouse comes to a close. We go inside the PC and immediately go into the first match of the night.  Match #1: Matt Riddle vs Sheamus They lockup and Sheamus backs Riddle into the corner where he tries to rough Riddle up but Riddle fights back. Riddle goes behind and locks on a sleeper and then jumps on Sheamus’s back but Sheamus gets to the ropes to force the break. Both men circle the ring trying to feel the other out as neither wants to make the wrong move, Sheamus finally grabs a side headlock and uses it to slam Riddle to the mat and then Sheamus grabs control of the arm but Riddle is able to quickly escape and then he takes Sheamus down with a leg pick. Sheamus gets back to his feet and we are back to square one and once again Sheamus grabs a headlock but Riddle backs him into the ropes to force a break. Sheamus takes Riddle down with a knee to the gut and then puts the boots to him and then he grounds Riddle with a standing armbar until Riddle fights back with shots to the midsection, Riddle applies an armbar of his own but he can’t get Sheamus down to the mat so he uses some joint manipulation on the fingers to get Sheamus down and once Riddle does that he transitions into a hammerlock and then he transitions from into a pin attempt but only gets a 1 count.  Both men get to their feet and Riddle tries for a double leg takedown but Sheamus blocks and then he powers Riddle up and slams him on the mat with a powerbomb, but is unable to capitalize right away due to the pain in his arm. Sheamus delivers some right hands to Riddle and tries to whip him into the ropes but Riddle blocks and then hits Sheamus with a big forearm before backdropping him to the apron, Sheamus snaps Riddle’s neck across the top rope and then delivers the Ten Beats of the Bodhran. Sheamus climbs up top but Riddle hits him with a running forearm that knocks Sheamus down to the floor and that sends us to commercial.  We come back to Sheamus rag-dolling Riddle around as he has him in a rear chinlock, Riddle escapes and comes off the ropes where he is caught with a trifecta of Irish Curse backbreakers which gets him a 2 count. Sheamus goes back to the rear chinlock and this time when Riddle tries to fight out of it Sheamus hits him with a knee and then goes for a back suplex but Riddle lands on his feet and then drops Sheamus with a big roundhouse kick. Sheamus is somehow able to get right back to his feet but Riddle is ready for him as he hits him with repeated body strikes and then a push kick sends Sheamus rebounding off the ropes and then Riddle catches the arm on a clothesline attempt and hits Sheamus with a Pele kick. Riddle is fired up as he hits Sheamus with a couple of running forearms in the corner followed by an exploder, a PK, and a broton but Sheamus is still able to kick out at 2.  Riddle hits Sheamus with another broton and then goes up top looking for the floating bro but when he jumps off Sheamus moves out of the way and Riddle was able to see it coming as he lands on his feet and rolls through and then charges toward Sheamus who catches him with White Noise for a 2 count. Sheamus calls for the Brogue Kick but Riddle sidesteps and hits Sheamus with a deadlift German suplex for a 2 count. Riddle goes for a running knee strike but Sheamus side steps and catches Riddle in a schoolboy for a 2 count and then Sheamus hits Riddle with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Riddle goes over to the corner and sidesteps sending Sheamus shoulder first into the ring post and out to the floor. Riddle goes out and delivers some kicks to Sheamus’s chest but Sheamus comes back with a knee strike and then gets back into the ring. Riddle gets back to his feet and when he does Shorty G runs down the ramp and attacks Riddle to cause a DQ. Winner: Matt Riddle via DQ   Match Rating: **¾   After the match, Riddle turns the tables on Shorty and starts beating him down as he slams him into the announce table and the plexiglass and then takes him down with a flying superman punch off the steps and then sends him into the steps before he walks to the back. Sheamus throws Shorty G into the ring and lays him out with two Brogue Kicks for costing him the match just because he wanted to capture Corbin’s bounty.  This was a fun match between two guys who I didn’t know I wanted to see face each other but as good as the match was it would’ve been even better if it didn’t have a stupid DQ finish, but given that it was the first of 3 DQ/No Contest finishes in one night it wasn’t too egregious and I did like that they are continuing the story of Shorty G trying to cash in on Corbin’s bounty.  The Dirt Sheet with special guest Sonya Deville is up next.  We come back to Corbin talking to some random girl backstage when he is interrupted by a less than pleased Sheamus who is pissed about Corbin’s little minion costing him a win because of Corbin’s stupid bounty, Sheamus says that if Corbin tries that again he will kick his head off his shoulders and stick his crown up his ass and if Corbin thinks he is joking all he has to do is try him. Corbin says that Sheamus is lucky that he has to deal with Jeff Hardy because if not he would kick Sheamus’s ass right then and there and then Corbin walks off.  I liked that Sheamus took his frustrations further than just beating up Shorty and directed it toward Corbin as he knew that was the main reason as to why Shorty ran out there in the first place because you rarely see a heel confronting another heel.  It’s time for the Dirt Sheet We get a recap of last week when Sonya Deville beatdown Mandy Rose and cut off some of her hair. The Miz and Morrison start talking about what happened when their mics start cutting out and Morrison says that The Retribution isn’t booked for tonight’s show. They then talk about giving a victim of Sonya’s attack last week a platform and this leads to a dumbass 5 minute part of this segment where on the tron there is a video that shows some hair with googly eyes that Miz and Morrison do the voice for and this is so dumb I barely paid attention to what they said, however, I immediately got back into the segment when they then introduced Sonya Deville to the Dirt Sheet.  Sonya doesn’t understand why everyone is so confused as to why she did what she did last week, she was just delivering on a promise she made weeks ago which was to make Mandy as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside. Sonya says she absolutely enjoyed everything she did to Mandy last week because she could see that Mandy was scared and concerned about her face because Mandy’s good looks are all she has ever had going for her. Sonya says she doesn’t feel bad at all for what she did because she doesn’t respect Mandy. Sonya says she has broken Mandy both physically and emotionally.  Sonya said that everyone is waiting on Mandy’s music to hit but it’s not going to happen and then challenges Mandy to come out and prove her wrong. Miz and Morrison say that Mandy has been silent all week and hasn’t even posted anything on social media. Sonya says Mandy got to the WWE by winning bikini contests and then talks about how Mandy won a Bumpy Award (an award given out on the WWE Network exclusive show The Bump) just for making out with Otis and how the only bright side of all of this is that Mandy and Otis now look like a more suitable couple. Miz and Morrison start mocking Otis and Mandy and that is when Heavy Machinery runs out and beats down the heels until they retreat to end the segment.  The first half of this segment was some of the dumbest and shittiest comedy I have ever seen in wrestling and was so cringeworthy, however, once Sonya came out I was all about this segment as she once again stole the show and saved this segment from being considered as Wrestlecrap. I’m so glad this feud is continuing as it has been one of the top highlights on SmackDown for the entire year.   Match #2: Cesaro w/ Shinsuke Nakamura vs Lince Dorado w/ Gran Metalik They lockup and Cesaro pushes Dorado into the corner and delivers a punch and a knee to the gut before whipping Dorado into the opposite corner, but Dorado jumps up and over Cesaro and then cartwheels and backflips into another corner and when Cesaro charges toward him Dorado moves out of the way and then tries for a flying headscissors on Cesaro, but he gets caught and hit with a backbreaker followed by a European uppercut. Dorado grabs the leg of Dorado and is perhaps looking for the Big Swing, but Dorado kicks away and tries to get Cesaro away from him but Cesaro grabs the ankle and looks to pull Dorado up but Dorado lands on his feet only to be taken down with a leg trip from Cesaro. Dorado uses Cesaro to pop-up to his shoulders and take him down with a headscissors and then we get more Retribution light dimming, Dorado looks to hit a tope con hilo but Cesaro catches him and tries for a powerbomb, but Dorado grabs onto the top of the plexiglass and starts landing some punches on Cesaro and then dives off the barricade with a hurricanrana.  Dorado rolls Cesaro back into the ring and hits a sunset flip pin but Cesaro kicks out and then Dorado slides back out to the apron and hits Cesaro with an overhead kick and then goes for a springboard crossbody but Cesaro catches him and hits him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a 2 count. Cesaro grounds Dorado and hits him with some clubbing blows to the chest and then hits him with an elbow drop for another 2 count. Cesaro tries to lock in a surfboard but Dorado blocks that with a mule kick and then hits Cesaro with a jawbreaker.  Cesaro reverses a whip into the corner but runs into a boot from Dorado, Dorado charges at Cesaro and pops up on top of Cesaro’s shoulders and backflips off of them and then he hits Cesaro with a handspring stunner. Dorado goes for the moonsault trifecta but when he goes for the third Nakamura hops up on the apron to serve as a distraction and this allows Cesaro to hit Dorado from behind and then he goes for a Razor’s edge but Dorado counters it into a hurricanrana for a 2 count. Dorado bounces off the rope and runs into a big European uppercut from Cesaro and then Cesaro hits Dorado with the Neutralizer for the 3 count. Winner: Cesaro via Pinfall   Match Rating: *** This match definitely has to go to be added to the list of greatest sub 5 minute matches as these two put on one hell of a sprint to the point where I had to bump it up to three stars despite it not being a long match. I definitely want to see these two work together more and if they make Cesaro & Nakamura vs LHP official for SummerSlam it will definitely be the sleeper pick for best match of the night, just like this match was the best match on this episode of SmackDown by a long shot.  We are informed that The Miz & John Morrison will face Heavy Machinery tonight after what happened on The Dirt Sheet earlier in the night. We go backstage where Kayla Braxton interviews Heavy Machinery who are not happy. Otis says that Miz & Morrison crossed the line and while he doesn’t mind people making fun of him he will not stand for it when it comes to his peach Mandy Rose and when you get him angry it no longer becomes a laughing matter.  The Fiend then makes his way to the ring and this sends us to commercial.  We come back to the ring with The Fiend in the ring and Alexa Bliss is sitting below him. The Fiend circles around her and then backs up into the corner and crawls back towards her, it looks like he is going to put the Mandible Claw on her once again but this time she grabs his arm and then looks up at him and places her hand on his face and just as it seemed like the Bray Wyatt part of him was going to give into her but The Fiend part took back over and snapped him out it but before anything else can happen we hear Strowman’s voice as he is on the tron. Strowman says he doesn’t give a damn about Alexa as all he cares about is destroying The Fiend. Strowman knew that after the Swamp Fight he was either going to come out as the evilest son of a bitch anybody has ever laid eyes on or he would have the satisfaction of spitting in the devil’s face and now you’re looking at the evilest son of a bitch. Strowman said he tried to fight it and tried to resist but he has been pushed to his breaking point but now he is letting it all out and fulfilling his destiny. Strowman says he is more than a man, he is a monster and that Fiend can have whatever he wants at SummerSlam. Strowman tells The Fiend to face his fears and face the monster.  Much like the Dirt Sheet segment earlier in the night this segment was both good and bad. I enjoyed the first part with just The Fiend and Alexa as it further teases that perhaps she could join Wyatt in the future which as I said before is something I would love to see. I do have one problem with the Alexa part of the segment as it made zero sense which is how and why did Alexa just magically appear in the middle of the ring, it would’ve been much better if The Fiend had been dragging or carrying her to the ring as he made his entrance instead of her just showing up out of thin air. I absolutely hated the Strowman part of this segment as this deep-voiced “evil” Strowman just isn’t cutting it as this is not the Strowman people want to see because it’s not the same Strowman that everyone fell in love with. The lines they are giving him aren’t working either, mainly because he keeps repeating the same lines that he has been saying for the past month. Why do I feel like after hearing this promo that we are going to get Strowman as a monster at SummerSlam as they are going to go all-in on building a Fiend vs Monster match.  The only part of the Strowman part of the segment that I liked was the part where he said he didn’t give a damn about Alexa because that once again feels like a reason as to why Alexa would want to turn on him and join up with Wyatt, also why are we supposed to believe that he doesn’t care about Alexa when he was making a beeline toward her when she showed up in the Swamp Fight, this was just a terrible promo and a halfway terrible segment all together.  Match #3: Jeff Hardy vs King Corbin Hardy ducks a clothesline right off the bat and hits him with an inverted atomic drop and then works over the arm for a moment until Corbin breaks his grip. Hardy ducks another clothesline and comes back with a running forearm and then we get the inverted atomic drop, double leg drop, and a basement dropkick to the face for a 2 count. Hardy calls for the Twist of Fate, but Corbin hits him with a big right and then charges in, Hardy moves which sets up the slide outside and back inside spot and when Corbin slides in Hardy tries for the Twist of Fate once again but Corbin spins out and levels Hardy with a big clothesline for a 2 count. Corbin picks Hardy up off the mat a couple of times just to knock him right back down. Corbin throws Hardy to the outside where he hits him with some punches across the announce table and then rolls him back inside the ring. Corbin drives elbows down into the shoulder of Hardy and then locks in the patented Corbin rest hold, Hardy tries to fight out of it but Corbin takes him right back down for another minute until Hardy gets to his feet once again and elbows out of the hold. Corbin throws Hardy back into the corner and it looks like we are going to get another slide out and back in spot, but Hardy hits him with a dropkick through the ropes sending Corbin into the barricade. Hardy sends Corbin into the plexiglass and then throws him back into the ring but when Hardy slides in he runs right into a Deep Six for a 2 count. Corbin looks to pull Hardy in for the End of Days, but Hardy blocks it with punches and then tries for a sitout jawbreaker but Corbin connects with a knee to the chest which sends Hardy rolling to the outside. Sheamus runs down and hits Hardy with a Brogue Kick which causes our 2nd DQ finish of the night. Winner: Jeff Hardy via DQ  Match Rating: **  This match was absolutely nothing special and the fact that it gave us the second DQ finish of the night didn’t help make it any better. We come back from commercial to an impromptu match. Match #4: King Corbin vs Sheamus Sheamus works over Corbin in the corner with punches and kicks and then he bounces his head off the top turnbuckle and continues to stay on him with uppercuts and knee strikes. Sheamus sends Corbin into the ropes but drops his head too early which allows Corbin to kick him in the head, but when Corbin runs off the ropes he is caught with a kitchen sink by Sheamus. Corbin tries to roll out of the ring but Sheamus catches him and pulls him up to the apron where he tries for the 10 Beats of the Bodhran but Corbin blocks it and slides down to the floor to escape Sheamus. Sheamus goes to the outside but is taken down by a big clothesline from Corbin. Corbin sends Sheamus into the plexiglass and then delivers body blows to Sheamus and bounces his head off the announce table before sending Sheamus back into the ring.  Sheamus catches Corbin with a knee as he gets into the ring and then he clotheslines Corbin back to the outside where he delivers the same punishment Corbin delivered to him and then he sends Corbin into the ring post. Sheamus throws Corbin back into the ring and goes up top where he tries for a clothesline but Corbin ducks and then hits Sheamus with a side slam for a 2 count. Corbin delivers some mounted punches and then sends Sheamus shoulder-first into the ring post and delivers some more punches to the back of Sheamus’s head. We get our second Corbin rest hold of the night which Sheamus eventually fights out of and then he tries to deadlift Corbin for the White Noise, but Corbin slides out the back and levels Sheamus with a clothesline. At that time Riddle springboards over Corbin to cause a distraction and this leads to Sheamus hitting a Brogue Kick to pick up the win. Winner: Sheamus via Pinfall   Match Rating: **¼   If this match didn’t have Riddle interfering at the end to make it the third match on the show with a finish involving someone interfering I would have enjoyed this much better as these two hosses were beating the hell out of each other and I would love to see them face each other again but next time give them more time and a clean finish.   We cut backstage where Bayley looks worried and when Sasha asks her what’s wrong Bayley tries to act like nothing’s wrong but when Sasha asks her if it has anything to do with her facing Bayley on Raw Monday she does say that she wishes Sasha would’ve asked her first but Sasha reassures her that she has nothing to worry about and that not only are they role models but Bayley is her role model. A member of the crew walks up and tells them they are needed in the ring for a video conference with Stephanie McMahon and this sends us to break. We come back from commercial to Kayla Braxton who is interviewing Big E who talks about how he plans to give all of himself in this singles run and that while the support from the fans and the co-sign from Kingston & Woods should be a weight that holds him down instead it lifts him up. Big E and Kayla then do the New Day rocks together and Big E gets Kayla laughing.   Why was Big E in his gear when he didn’t have a match on the show? I love the chemistry that Kayla has with the members of New Day especially Big E as this was a fun little interview and the part at the end where Big E got Kayla laughing was kinda cute.  We then go to the ring where Sasha Banks and Bayley are awaiting their meeting with Stephanie McMahon via satellite. Stephanie congratulates them on winning all the gold and then Bayley and Sasha start trying to suck up to Stephanie saying that they want to be role models to all little girls including Stephanie’s daughters. Stephanie tells them to chill and while they may have found a loophole to the stipulation she made for the Raw Women’s Championship match last week she doesn’t hold a grudge and won’t be punishing them, however, she does want to challenge them and that’s why at SummerSlam Sasha will possibly defend her title against Asuka while Bayley will defend her title against the winner of a tri-brand battle royal which will be happening next week on SmackDown. I enjoyed this segment as Bayley and Sasha were great as usual as they were trying to suck up to Stephanie to the point where they bring up wanting to be role models to Stephanie’s daughters. I like the idea of the tri-brand battle royal to determine Bayley’s next challenger as that hopefully means a fresh challenger that we haven’t seen her against, I feel this is a perfect way to bring one of the many talented women of NXT onto SmackDown. Battle Royals are a guilty pleasure of mine so I look forward to covering that match next week.  We cut backstage where Miz, Morrison, and Sonya are chilling when Kayla walks up for an interview and asks them if they regret anything they said during the Dirt Sheet earlier in the night but they don’t regret it and say that what they did was sophisticated commentary and they were trying to outsmart Heavy Machinery because outsmarting Otis is like playing chicken against a pot-bellied pig and then they say more disparaging things toward Heavy Machinery before walking off.  Match #5: The Miz & John Morrison w/ Sonya Deville vs Heavy Machinery It looks like we are going to get a lockup but Morrison hits Tucker with a forearm and a couple of kicks but the tide quickly turns when Tucker catches the leg of Morrison and uses it to slam Morrison to the mat. Tucker then hits a waistlock takedown and then mounts Morrison for a moment and then goes for another waistlock takedown, but Morrison back elbows Tucker to escape his grasp. Tucker blocks a kick from Morrison and then takes him down with a clothesline and then we get some more Retribution light flickering.  Tucker sends Morrison into the babyface corner and tags in Otis who whips Tucker into Morrison for an avalanche and then Tucker sends Morrison toward Otis who hits Morrison with a shoulder block which Morrison takes a hilariously unrealistic spinning bump from. Otis sends Morrison into the ropes and Morrison flips over the back of Otis and makes a tag to The Miz. Otis no-sells some strikes from The Miz and then rips his shirt off and hits The Miz with a headbutt and a body attack before tagging in Tucker. Heavy Machinery hits The Miz with a double belly bump which sends Miz rolling out of the ring and then Tucker dives off the apron with a cannonball that takes down both Miz and Morrison and this sends us to break.  We come back and Miz has Tucker in a front facelock and as Tucker tries to walk over and reach his corner he is hit with a knee to the face and a big boot which sends Tucker staggering back into the heel corner. Miz tags in Morrison and despite Tucker trying to fight his way out of the corner Miz catches him and we get a double team combo of a backbreaker and double stomp combo which gets him a 2 count. Morrison hits Tucker with a kick to the back and then tries for a running knee but Tucker gets his feet up and kicks Morrison in the leg. We get a quick strike exchange before Morrison kicks him in the leg and then hits the running knee he was looking for earlier and then tags in The Miz.  Miz and Morrison hit Tucker with a double gutbuster and then Miz hits him with a basement DDT for another 2 count. Miz leans Tucker across the middle rope and distracts the referee long enough for Morrison to get in a cheap shot. Miz and Morrison try to hit their catapult and slingshot elbow combo, but Tucker forearms Morrison off the apron and then and then sits down on Miz. Tucker makes the hot tag to Otis who comes in with clotheslines for both men and a flapjack on Morrison. Otis slams Miz and then throws Morrison across the ring with an exploder and then he hits Morrison with an avalanche and then he hits the Caterpillar elbow drop for a 2 count when Miz breaks up the pin.  Tucker pulls Miz out of the ring and looks to hit him with a clothesline but Miz sidesteps and this sends Tucker into the barricade and then he sends Otis into the steps. Mandy Rose runs down and we have a brawl that leads to the match being thrown out.  Winner: N/A via No Contest   Match Rating: **¼  After the match, both teams hold back their respective ladies to keep them from ripping each other apart and that sends us to break.  We come back to the women still trying to get to each other while they are being held back and while this is happening the lights go out momentarily and then come back on. The match was decent but nothing special and it completed the trend of the night of having shitty non-finishes. This match was just a way to set up the brawl between Mandy and Sonya at the end. I like the new shorter hair on Mandy as it really suits her. I have a feeling all of this hair cutting could be leading to a hair vs hair match at SummerSlam between Mandy and Sonya.  We cut inside the arena and The Retribution has arrived with weapons and they start to tear up stuff and then harass the crew at ringside which sends Graves and Cole running to the back. Retribution then goes behind the plexiglass and attacks one of the female PC audience members and then they go back in the ring with some spray paint and paint up the place, finally they grab a chainsaw and cut the ropes before hyping each other up as the show comes to a close.  I get what they want this Retribution group to be but I feel like they shot themselves in the foot right from the beginning when they announced the group was going to debut on Raw as that completely does away with the chaotic, unpredictable, and anti-WWE vibe that the group is supposed to have because why would the group tell WWE ahead of time they are going to show up and furthermore why would they even want to communicate with the company they are supposed to be against. I keep going back and forth on whether or not I liked this closing segment on SmackDown as I feel they wanted it to be as chaotic as some of the other faction debuts in history with the most notable being the Nexus, however, this segment paled in comparison to that awesome Nexus debut. I think one reason as to why this segment didn’t connect for me personally was because the whole time I was more concerned with who these people are under the mask rather than what chaos they were causing whereas with the Nexus debt we knew who they were right from the start and thus could put full concentration on the actual chaos they were causing. With that said I will remain optimistic about the Retribution storyline and look forward to seeing where it goes next because I don’t think it’s dead in the water like a lot of other people do in the IWC.  I know a lot of people are shitting on this segment (as well as the Raw Underground segments) because of all of the camera cuts but for me, all of those camera cuts don’t hinder or help my enjoyment of a segment or match, I don’t know what it says about me but I never really notice or pay attention to the camera cuts in the moment and probably wouldn’t ever pay them any mind at all if people didn’t bitch about them constantly, of all the things that make WWE hard to watch at times the camera cuts are at the bottom of the list for me.  After the great show we had last week this week’s show was a letdown as we had 4 out of the 5 matches end in either a DQ, No Contest, or distraction, we had a stupid segment where Miz and Morrison talked to Mandy Rose’s hair, we had Strowman cutting a terrible promo, and the final segment didn’t come off as impactful as they had hoped it would be. The highlights of the show were the Cesaro vs Dorado match, everything involving Sonya & Mandy, and the interaction between Alexa Bliss and The Fiend.  That’s all for this week see you guys next week for more blue brand action including a giant tri-brand battle royal.

[stagesofabreakup]

Stages of a Breakup: Week 48

1. Whoops you did Monday on the end of last week

2. It’s Tuesday now!

3. Who cares

4. Wake up earlyish

5. See a text from the girl moving back into your/her room about when you’re moving out

6. It triggers some stress in you

7. You ask her if she wants the window treatments you bought

8. She doesn’t

9. This is more stress

10. Check social media

11. This turns out to be a horrible mistake because while you are casually scrolling through Instagrams, clicking away, you go to a very RANDOM and private Insta you thought only you followed, it’s a stripper in Miami who likes astrology and also designs clothes so her posts are all over the place but you love it

12. She did these memes of Horoscope Starter Packs

13. You click the Aries one bc you gotta see

14. YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND HAS COMMENTED ON IT

15. ??????????

16. HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND REPLIED TO HIS COMMENT???????

17. It’s honestly too much for you

18. Because this is a safe space

19. How did he even find it

20. Does she follow and showed it to him????

21. Were they gramming together??????

22. The thought of that bursts your heart

23. Bring 1,173 dollars in cash to a Chase bank

24. Deposit it, get checks-your roommate asked for 2 rents worth now

25. Something is wrong about the rent but you’ve decided it doesn’t matter

26. Go to the gym

27. Work out but sadly

28. Your phone freaks out and won’t respond to touch

29. You get VERY nervous

30. It fixes itself? But is probably still dying

31. Go to a beauty supply store

32. Buy a bedazzled baseball hat that says, “Boss” in fake jewels, purple mirror nail polish and nail gems—for Mardi Gras

33. Go to work

34. Eat 2 halves of leftover doughnuts

35. Still good

36. Listen in disgust while two people bond over Rick & Morty

37. Get two groups that don’t tip but are loud and boisterous and annoying

38. Get one group that does tip

39. Feel blahhhhhhhhhhh all damn DAY

40. Get annoyed at one manager who does not understand how to communicate thoughts

41. Stay an hour past when you were supposed to leave, mopping

42. Almost choke on some seasoned French fries

43. Walk to the train

44. Get a text from the guy (you were talking to a while ago then realized he was seeing someone else) asking if you’re mad at him

45. You reply no

46. But really-it’s not that you’re mad at him you just realized you were putting an unfair emphasis on his interactions with you and you don’t want to be texting him at 3:00am anymore

47. Wonder if you should tell him this

48. Wonder if you should message your ex-boyfriend and tell him it’s rude he didn’t tell you he was dating someone when he knew you would see it and have to deal

49. Drink a beer

50. Pay your roommate two months rent which is the most money you’ve ever written a check for

51. Accidentally break a plate

52. Eat the world’s worst quesadilla

53. FIND WORSE THINGS ON INSTAGRAM

54. Your ex-bf and his new gf went on a date to Applebee’s and they both uploaded matching instagrams and he captioned his “Applebae’s”

55. Which is objectively terrible and disgusting

56. You remember/realize that in the two years of dating neither of you ever posted a ‘couples’ photo, that’s just the two of you together

57. She already is saying “I love you” online and he’s “loving” (the love react on fb) the comments

58. It’s too much

59. How do you stop caring??? How do people stop that?

60. Talk with a friend on the phone a little about it

61. Laugh

62. Feel kinda better

63. A girl you met a few nights ago messaged you her fire ritual so maybe you’ll do one of those

64. To cleanse

65. Send a friend 2 dollars online for a sick button

66. Keep looking at the instagrams over and over again like visual self-flagellation

67. Wish that you had a “I’m happy and loved!” picture to post

68. Remember that he unfollowed you on Instagram anyway so it wouldn’t matter

69. Feel sad & out of control

70. Put on The Patriot

71. Decide you need to take a shower

72. Want to masturbate

73. Cum!!!!!

74. Knock over some bleach and stain the carpet whoops

75. Who leaves a jug of bleach unopened anywhere???

76. Stay up too late

77. Finally turn off The Patriot and try to sleep

78. Wake up at 10:00am

79. Wake up at 3:00pm

80. Stress about stuff more

81. Eat a doughnut and half of a steak sandwich that isn’t yours but is about to go bad and one pack of fruit snacks

82. Start trying to write an email to HR giving feedback they asked for

83. Get a call from your friend Molly!!!!!

84. It’s perfect and she’s perfect

85. Three way call your other friend Gabe!!!!!

86. This is better than Facetime!!!!!

87. Gabe, your least superficial friend in the world, tells you you are objectively prettier than your ex-boyfriend’s new gf and that she is a “step down”

88. Which, whether or not it’s true is sweet and kind thing to say and you love him for saying it and it makes you feel better

89. But still feminism though!!!!!!

90. Watch some more of The Patriot

91. Email the HR email

92. Email about an editing job you’re doing for a friend

93. Maybe connect with 2 new roommates?

94. Try to get ready to go to the gym

95. Post 2 pictures to Instagram your friend Rashida took in your sports bra

96. YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND HAS ALREADY POSTED ANOTHER INSTAGRAM THIS TIME OF HIS DOG THAT YOU MISS SO MUCH and wow Instagram is an emotional battlefield

97. But you feel fortified from talking with one of your best friends who you love

98. Look forward to the gym

99. OMG talk to your friend Charlie on the phone

100. While on the phone with him, sign up for Moviepass AND unfollow your ex-boyfriend on Instagram!!!!!!!!!

101. Two huge things

102. Feel like you have a piece of glass in your foot

103. Because you definitely do

104. Talk to your friend Molly on the phone

105. Start editing your friend Randy’s story

106. The only time you leave the house today it is to go to the gym and immediately come back home

107. Talk to your friend Jade on the phone

108. Finish Moshe Kasher’s book “Kasher in the Rye,” which was incredible

109. Take pictures of all the outfits you have for Mardi Gras, send them to her

110. Buy two items from Torrid for 62 dollars and get them shipped to her house so they’ll be there for Mardi Gras

111. Make an Instagram story starring your jeweled hat that says “BOSS”

112. Watch the first 35 min of Get Him To The Greek

113. Masturbate

114. Shower

115. Sleep

116. Wake up weirdly early for going to bed at 6:00am

117. Feeling rested and alert!!!

118. Ignore the shooting invisible pain in your foot and get dressed to go to the gym!!!

119. Eat a sandwich with cheese that only had a little bit of mold on it

120. Send two emails you’ve been meaning to-one to your old gym in New Orleans asking if you can work out while you’re there and one to a group you’re in about a room for March!

121. Get booked on a show 2 months from now by writing a semi-snarky fb comment!

122. Go to the gym

123. Get annoyed by a weird man who moved your ipod and reminds you “you can’t trust people”

124. But like, the only person you can’t trust is people who try to remind you you can’t trust people

125. Work out

126. Listen to Britney Spear’s first album

127. It has aged well

128. Go into a sneaker store on the way home because you need new sneakers and part of you wants to get rid of all remnants of things your ex-boyfriend was involved in acquiring before you go back so you seem more changed/new/different

129. Try on like 4 pairs of shoes

130. They are ok but too expensive

131. You need a DSW in this bitch

132. Go home

133. Start a new book that’s written by the guy who wrote Election and Little Children (both great movies/you didn’t know one person did both of those)

134. Come home

135. Eat 2 packs of fruit snacks because you don’t want to encounter anyone by going in the kitchen and you hear them in there

136. Look at your phone for a while

137. Your ex-bf’s new gf is truly doing the most and has posted 2 instagrams of them and made a picture of the two of them her profile picture

138. This washes off you like water because you are an evolved being

139. You have also gone through the cleansing ritual of looking through her Instagram with a few choice friends and feeling emotionally safe & superior because you have all concluded that she overdraws her eyebrows which should be a crime

140. Peek out of your apartment to find there are a lot of firefighters in the apt next door and a lot of smoke

141. Worry

142. Breathe in some smoke

143. It’s ok someone just burned some food

144. Get an email from a girl about a place for April—decide you could put your stuff in storage and stay with friends if you needed to for a month

145. Send 3 booking emails to try to get more shows around a date you’re doing in Philly

146. Feel like a real comic/consummate professional

147. Drink a whiskey ginger you made with the shittiest whiskey the world has to offer

148. Your friend Charlie is coming over!

149. Plan to take a shower in the hour it will take him to get to your apartment

150. Sit in one spot until 5 min before he’s supposed to come

151. Text him you’re hopping in

152. He says he’s at your stop

153. You turn off the shower & put clothes back on

154. Wait 20 minutes

155. He got a roast beef sandwich before coming

156. Drink with Charlie!

157. Learn about the Rohingya and the genocide they are facing in Myanmar

158. Talk about more stuff

159. Show him your ex-bf’s new gf

160. He looks her up on some journalist database

161. No arrests

162. You look yourself up

163. It finds this YouTube video from like 8 years ago you forgot you made!!!!

164. You were so pretty????!!

165. Watch many episodes of The Office while Charlie nods in and out

166. He says he’s lonely

167. You tell him he can hold you if he wants for contact

168. You secretly hope he will

169. He says it’s ok

170. Watch more of The Office

171. Take a shower at 3:00am

172. Go to sleep

173. Wake up at 12:00pm

174. Charlie didn’t set an alarm

175. He missed an important Skype call

176. Whoops

177. He leaves

178. Go to the gym

179. Go to work for a short period of time

180. Have some down time, do trick shots with other people you work with

181. Throw (successfully) two axes at a time, two axes in one hand, underhand, and backwards

182. Sweat profusely and turn really red but don’t care because the sense of strength and accomplishment you got is more than worth it

183. Have a really annoying group

184. They don’t tip

185. Buy a 6 pack of Milk Stout and tortilla chips (for the salsa you found unopened on the ground 2 months ago) on your way home

186. Home

187. Get a check for your writing that’s 380.00

188. Freak out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

189. Also get a copy of the magazine it was published in

190. It was so long ago you forgot what you wrote kind of

191. Read it

192. You’re so funny!!!!

193. Call your mom for the first time in more than a month

194. She has company but says she’ll call you back but she’s happy you called

195. Feverishly drink beers and eat chips & salsa

196. Write a fb status about how people in love never make good art

197. She calls back

198. Talk on the phone with her for 4 hours

199. Cry a lot

200. Get past it

201. Have a really good conversation

202. Process some shit

203. Find out that she and your dad are divorced now, it finalized December 1st

204. Cry cry cry

205. She tells you you’re being judgmental about your ex-boyfriend

206. “You’re not in that position anymore”

207. This is interesting and something you haven’t considered

208. Marinate

209. See an apartment listing for 525/month

210. Send out an inquiry about it

211. Your eyes hurt from being open and crying

212. Take a shower

213. Find out Venmo charged you an overdraft fee twice, try to remember to call and get one taken off

214. Try to cut the piece of glass out of your foot with dull scissors

215. It doesn’t really work

216. You’re hungry but you’re doing this not eating after midnight thing

217. Realize your gym closes so fucking early tomorrow you have to get up super early if you wanna go before work

218. Ugh

219. You still haven’t done any more work on editing your friend’s story

220. You know you’re setting a bad impression and he’ll probably never hire you again or recommend you for others

221. You just can’t make yourself focus on it for some reason

222. Feel bad about it

223. You go to New Orleans so soon

224. This 52 week project is almost over

225. What then

226. YOU GOT THE PIECE OF GLASS OUT OF YOUR FOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

227. You’re gonna be fine

228. Find a message from someone who read all the weekly entries of this book you put on a secret tumblr every week in case something happened to the Word doc

229. They said they read it all in one night after looking for things to help with their breakup and that it was very inspirational and relatable

230. You want to cry because that’s so encouraging, you have no idea if anyone will care about any of this it’s just something you needed to do and lots of people have made you feel kind of bad like you’re obsessing or thinking about it too much or prolonging hurt

231. It was nice

232. Stay awake accidentally til 4:00am

233. Get up at 8:30

234. Eat a doughnut

235. Go back to sleep for 25 minutes

236. Go to work looking like shit because you cried for 4 hours on the phone with your mom

237. Work

238. Your friend from college picked the date for her wedding!!!!!! It’s September 29th!!!!

239. Get like 100 bucks in tips

240. Be incredibly frustrated because two different managers snapped at you and one apologized but the other one was right before you left and it was so fucking annoying and you wanted to cry and hit something

241. Leave

242. Rush to the gym

243. Work out for 25 minutes

244. Your butt/back leg muscles are sore/tight today for some reason

245. Wait in line for 20 minutes at the bank to deposit a check

246. Sing softly to oldies with another man for like 10 of those minutes

247. Come home

248. Make a stir fry on the stove like a real person

249. Eat pizza crusts out of the trash, just to remind you where you came from

250. Find the song “Pretty Girl” by Clairo

251. Listen to it multiple times

252. Watch many many episodes of The Office

253. Do NO work on the story you should be editing

254. Drink 1 beer

255. Feel sooooo full

256. Eat the LAST fruit snack package! Out of 80!!!!

257. Find out that Kate Spade made a line of “bridal sneakers”

258. No no no no absolutely not

259. Make an Instagram story about how pimples are really just gifts from the Lord

260. Text your friend Gabe for a min

261. Eat some nutella

262. Want to masturbate and take a shower and also already be asleep

263. Drink water

264. Continue watching The Office & drawing

265. Find a video of a TINY little sweet angel girl covering “Creep” by Radiohead with her dad that is HEARTMELTING

266. Stay up toooo late

267. Wake up two different times from nightmares with abusive people

268. Get up for good

269. Eat a warm doughnut

270. Masturbate

271. Start getting dressed for the gym

272. Do some stuff online

273. Listen to lots of pump up songs

274. Stretch

275. Be sad you can’t go to a Superbowl party because you really need to finish editing this story today, but you also didn’t get invited to any sooooooo

276. Decide you’ll eat chips and salsa while you edit

277. Put 20$ on a Metrocard instead of getting an Unlimited because you’re going to New Orleans in 2 days!!!

278. Gym finally

279. Walk for 80 minutes while watching a HILARIOUS episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta

280. Two grown women get in a fight because one saw the other one park in a handicapped parking spot at the mall which was, “shady”

281. The other one yelled back, “I was hanging out with someone who is handicapped, bitch!”

282. They also did a mediation/séance to “clear the elephants in the room” which was…interesting

283. Text with your friend Gabe and he says some WONDERFUL things that are helpful to you

284. He says (gently) that you need to let go of your ego in all this, and it doesn’t matter what your ex-boyfriend is doing/who he is dating/if he still; has feelings for you because it doesn’t matter in your life anymore, you have moved on without him on your own and have grown so much

285. He also listens while you talk about editing your friends story and you realize why you have been putting it off—you’re worried about offending him by doing too many rewrites/how to address ADDING when editing vs. just rearranging/subtracting

286. Home

287. Get annoyed that one of your roommates & her bf is in the living room, this is the third night in a row someone has been dominating that space with their love and you wanted to write in there!

288. Eat chips & salsa and chicken nuggets in the kitchen with your computer

289. Finally start editing!!!

290. Whew it’s hard and you are tired

291. Wish you could just watch The Office and turn off your brain

292. Do the edits!!!

293. It takes a long time and you decide you won’t charge him for all of them because you made him wait so long

294. Email your rewrite with notes

295. Hope he likes it

296. Watch The Office

297. Paint your nails with this new mirror nail polish you got for Mardi Gras that isn’t what you thought but is still cool

298. It smells terrible though

299. Think about packing?

300. Decide to do it tomorrow

301. You have to work from 3:45-10 and work out at some point though

302. Look up how long it will take you to get to Newark

303. Like an hour and a half

304. Feel free from your conversation with Gabe and really feel like you have turned a corner

305. More Office

306. New Orleans so soon! ! ! !

307. !