#guys for real worlds beyond number is SO good and I absolutely love her as Suvi | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bigassheart · 4 years ago

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I’ve seen a couple posts about how everyone was wildly out of character and totally inconsistent this season and I’m just like... were you guys paying attention?

1. Luther

Arguably the biggest shift in character between the two seasons, but it makes sense. Luther spent a year fending for himself and thinking his entire family was dead.

This is the first time in his life that he had to hold down a job and actually live on his own. It was literally his first time living out in the world among anyone other than his family, and you can see in his reactions with the other characters from that life (the boss, his landlord, those kids that idolize him, and the waitress) that it has really mellowed him out. It has allowed him to be more normal, despite being very much not normal. You can see the way he’s so much more comfortable in his skin. Literally the only times he looks uncomfortable is when he’s fighting people, shirt off and body on full display. He’s still not comfortable with that, but he’s not trying to hide under huge overcoats anymore. He has people in his life who accept him for being a little weird, but really do treat him normal.

So is he a little less uptight and mission focused? Yeah. Because he can finally see another life, and it’s the life that he honestly did want in season 1 but felt like he couldn’t have because he was number 1 and he had a responsibility to his dad, his family, and the academy to be the leader. Having a year on his own frees him of all that.

But he also spent all that time thinking his family was dead and feeling so guilty about it. You can see in his very first interaction with Vanya, where he suddenly feels that responsibility again. He brings a gun, not knowing what’s going to happen and, despite what he told Five, he absolutely does still have that lingering feeling of responsibility. But then he sees Vanya and she’s not a threat and everything he has been holding in for the last year comes out. Because he does feel guilty as hell for what he did to Vanya, but also for the fact that his actions pushed her into causing the apocalypse. He spent a year with the knowledge that he did that and thinking that his family was dead because of his actions.

He’s willing to listen now because he spent a year living in a world where his actions killed his whole family. And now he finds out that that didn’t happen and he has a second chance. Of course he’s going to take it!

2. Diego

In the first season, Diego finally admitted that he wanted to be close to his family and that he cared about them and wouldn’t leave them again. He confronted the guilt about leaving, which he had previously denied. He realized the difference between revenge and honoring someone’s memory. But despite all that, he never confronted the reason why he, a grown-ass-man, wandered around the city as a leather clad, mask wearing vigilante.

So when we see Diego show up in 1963, that’s still who he is. He wants to be that hero and he finds an answer for how to be that hero in the first several minutes that he’s there. So he takes it. I mean, what else is he going to do? His family is gone. Maybe they’ll show up again. Maybe this is it. Either way, he’s on his own like he was before, so he’s got a duty to be the hero he has chosen to be.

And then he meets his dad again. Everyone keeps telling him he has daddy issues, and they’re right. He absolutely has daddy issues. He’s still trying to simultaneously prove that he’s good enough for his dad, but also doesn’t need Daddy��s approval. Except he does need it. He still desperately craves it and he feels gutted when his dad denies him that approval, even falling back into the stutter he had as a kid.

Now, despite the way we joke, Diego is not dumb. He is so observant and he makes some of the most poignant statements about his siblings and the way they see the world. He sees the people around them and he understands them, but he has never been able to completely turn that gift inwards and see those same things in himself. In this season, Lila breaks through all that and he finally sees himself in her at the end.

“Do you know how hard it is to trust people when your whole childhood was bullshit manipulation? Then why would you do that to me?”

Diego sees himself in Lila, in her failure to break away from her mother despite the fact that he knows she wants to. In the final episode, he sees that she is just like the rest of the siblings, but she doesn’t have to be. None of them have to be stuck with their daddy issues, because they have each other. They can support and care for each other. It’s the last step of the growth he started in season 1, moving beyond his tendency to define his life and his family through their father.

3. Allison

Throughout season 1, Allison struggled with whether or not to use her powers, but it was all centered around getting back to her daughter. When she appears in 1961, that motivation is effectively removed. She thinks everyone else is dead. She thinks that she is stranded in the past and that she will never get back. She finds a group of people to support her and before long... she finds her voice again.

It’s no coincidence that Allison’s first spoken words in the series come right after she gives Ray that pamphlet with a bunch of added notes. She finds her voice in the civil rights movement. She finds her power there. She finds a way to help change the world, to change reality, and she does it without her powers.

This is something she struggled with through the entirety of season 1, feeling inadequate for using her powers to get what she wanted, not knowing if anything was real or earned. Now she has the chance to earn everything without those powers and she is thriving.

And then she is forced to use her powers again. It all turns out fine, but now she’s showing off and experiencing all over again how good it feels to have power. She spent two years in a world where she was denied equal treatment, where she could be arrested and assaulted for any reason those with more power came up with. And now she feels that power... She doesn’t have to wait for people to give her respect. She can demand it. But the pain is still there, and it’s not enough to just be respected, because these people have hurt her. They almost killed her husband. They have used their power to cause pain to her and all those who look like her time and time again and now it’s time to understand what it’s like to be powerless, to be hurt and to be unable to stop it and...

And it’s scary. It’s scary to have that much power, to see how you could become the kind of person who uses your power to hurt others. And she knows that her power has hurt people she loves and suddenly she’s right back where she started.

Only not entirely.

She doesn’t shy away from her powers in the final fight. She is obviously still finding that balance and I would expect this struggle to continue for her in future seasons. Power can be addicting and Allison’s power is so strong. She knows the danger there, but she also knows that sometimes it’s needed despite the danger.

4. Klaus

Klaus is an addict. He finds obsessions to bury himself in to avoid dealing with reality. In season 1, he buried himself in drugs and booze. When he shows up in the 60′s, he finds a new drug to bury himself in: adoration.

Klaus is so impulsive and it’s not difficult to connect the dots of how one thing leads to another until suddenly everything is out of his control. Honestly, that’s the story of Klaus’s life, no matter where he goes. And then something changes. He gets tired of his cult and leaves. Except... that’s not really the reason.

After all this time, Dave is still the love of his life, and he knows he has an opportunity. He knows where Dave will be at this one time and he knows exactly what he has to change to keep Dave alive.

He also knows that Ben is going to have thoughts about this.

I know some people were disappointed that there wasn’t more Klaus and Ben bonding this season, but it makes sense that there is tension there. I think a lot of that tension comes from Ben’s circumstances, which I’ll discuss later, but Klaus is also not responding to that tension well.

They are fighting more than ever (not that they ever didn’t fight in season 1, where they spent much of their time being snarky to each other and Ben literally punching Klaus in the face for being an asshole), but the fighting is about something new this season. Ben wants his own life and Klaus is not in a position to give Ben what he really wants. We also learn that he has been carrying around this guilt for the last 17 years about forcing Ben to stick around as a ghost. He forced this half-life on his brother and now that it’s not enough for Ben, Klaus doesn’t want to deal with it. So he avoids and deflects and snarks and we see the toll on their relationship. We see it in the way he tries to deal with his plans around Dave entirely on his own. He focuses so much into that last ditch effort. He’s already in such a low place before this, so when that fails, we see him snap. We see him give up and crumble. And Ben falls back to his old role, trying to save Klaus from himself.

But the tension isn’t gone and Klaus’s guilt isn’t gone. We see it again when Klaus finally agrees to let Ben possess him. Klaus has always been afraid of his powers and being possessed is just as terrifying a thought as being surrounded by the dead. And yet he gives Ben that chance. It’s the last good thing he can do at that point.

I do wish we had gotten more closure for Klaus and Ben’s story. I think Vanya’s reveal could have been given a little more time, but that’s not really a problem with inconsistent characterization, so we’ll save that for another post.

5. Five

OK, who would argue that Five was out of character or inconsistent? He’s obsessed with stopping the apocalypse, is willing to cross a lot of lines to save his family, and constantly frustrated by his family’s failure to go along with his plans. This is textbook Five.

What I loved about this season was that we got to see Five finally meeting his father again. They interact as two adults, not as a child trying to find away to become his own person, frustrated by a lack of trust from his father. It allows Reggie to see Five in a different light and to actually provide advice in a constructive way, something he has almost never been able to do when viewing them as his children. But despite outward appearances and despite the fact that Five is a grown man, he still sees his father the same way he always has. He doesn’t register Reggie’s advice as advice. He hears that he’s striving beyond his abilities and that maybe he can only travel in seconds. He hears his father telling him he can’t handle time travel. That’s why he doesn’t try to actually take the very good advice until the very end.

An old dog can still occasionally learn a new trick and Five proves that true.

6. Ben

As I mentioned earlier, Ben is chaffing at his ghosthood. Maybe it’s because Klaus has been sober enough to keep Ben around solidly for 3 years. Maybe it’s because Ben is no longer spending all his time trying to keep Klaus alive and sober. Or maybe it’s the fact that he has finally found someone that he actually wants to spend time with. Whatever the reason, Ben wants to be alive this season.

Again, as I mentioned, that’s causing some tension. Ben doesn’t want to be tied to Klaus, but Klaus is ignoring that because he feels so guilty about it. Ben doesn’t want to admit that he was too scared to go into the light on his own, so they’re at a bit of a standstill.

And then Ben gets the opportunity to be alive again, if only for a while. And in a lot of ways, it’s wonderful! But it’s not the same as being truly alive.

So when the time comes, when he’s faced with that light again... he’s not afraid. He knows that it’s time to move on. He knows this isn’t where he should be, but he also got the chance to be there for his family. He misses them, but he got to talk to Diego and Vanya. He got to save Vanya. He got to save Allison and Diego and Klaus and Luther and Five and the whole world! So while he would have stayed, he’s not sad about leaving anymore, and he’s not afraid.

7. Vanya

OK, she was a little out of character because... you know. She had amnesia.

But aside from erasing her past, the amnesia allowed us to see Vanya without the anger and resentment that plagued her for all of season one. Vanya was always someone who was kind and loving, someone who cares enough to leave peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches out for a missing brother for years. Someone who knows the pain of not being seen and who will always take the time to truly see other people. She’s someone who wants to love and to be loved and to protect those she loves.

That was all here, with or without the memories. And as soon as the memories came back, so did the guilt and fear about what she had done, what she had become, terrified of what was inside her in a way that she was not when her powers first surfaced. But Ben is used to being afraid of what’s inside of him. He knows she’s not a monster and is the perfect person to explain that to her. And this time around, she has experienced the love and care and attention of her siblings (and Sissy) to back up those words. That’s how she finally accepts them as truth, how she finally accepts her power as a part of her.

Overall, there are things that I wish this season spent more time with, but there was nothing that I felt was out of character or wildly inconsistent. The characters still struggled with all the baggage from their shitty childhood, their fear of their powers, and the guilt in their past. Some struggled in new ways this season and some continued old struggles that had never fully been resolved. The season felt very different than the first, but it still felt like the Umbrella Academy. It was a good mix of new and old and a good mix of feel-good moments we have all been waiting for and frustrating and sad moments that just come with having a complicated family. I loved this season. And now, I’m going to go re-watch every episode.

#tua s2 spoilers #tua season 2 #tua analysis #The Umbrella Academy #tua #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #alison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves

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itgirlification · 4 years ago

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supermodel | jjk

the last three months have been hell for you, but Jungkook seemed to be living his best life.

pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader

warnings: explicit mentions of body image and insecurities, infidelity, anal sex, oral (male receive), foul language (kinda), etc.

now playing: supermodel by sza

part two part three

Exactly three months ago, your and Jungkook’s 2 years relationship officially ended. Unofficially, it ended about 5 months ago. And for about one month now, Jungkook’s been seeing someone else.

Your heart and mind told you not to do it but you couldn’t help calculating. Three months ago, you were still dating, two months later, he started dating someone else. That must mean he’s known her for a while. Did he cheat on you with her? Well, it’s not like it matters now anyway, does it?

Her name was Yuki, an undeniable Japanese beauty. You were still in college, studying music and she was a famous model who appeared in internationally known magazines. You assumed she met Jungkook during a photoshoot since he was a professional photographer who often worked for companies like Vogue and Playboy. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her.

It wasn’t the fact that he moved on so quickly that hurt you the most. It was the fact that he knew all about your low self-esteem and how you lack confidence. Especially about your body. And he still went and dated a model, of all professions in the world. He was definitely over you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he did it on purpose. But thankfully, you knew better, he looked too happy for that to be even considered. He forgot about you.

You’re making yourself sadder by remembering all the times he assured you you were beautiful and your body was nothing to be ashamed of. The times he let his fingertips run over the lines of your stretch marks, whispering in your ear how much he loved them and how they reminded him of Tiger stripes. The times he caressed your jiggly thighs and told you how sexy he thought they were.

Then your mind would drift back to the phone in your hand, the Instagram page of Yuki Sakurai opened, careful not to accidentally like anything and expose yourself. Not that she’d notice anyway, she had 3.7 million followers, while you had a private one with 500 followers and no posts, and she gets around 300 to 700 thousand likes on each post, depending on whether she posts random photos or pretty pictures of herself. Or newly, your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Oh, how crazy everybody goes whenever she posts him. People love them together. You couldn’t blame them. Two attractive people? Of course, they’re gonna look great together.

Fucking great.

That the end of your relationship with Jungkook would look like this was semi-predictable from the beginning. He did admit to you that he never thought he’d date someone that looked like you when you first dated. And your heart broke a little. But he also made up for it in those two years, it was a beautiful relationship nonetheless.

While you weren’t exactly his ‘ideal’ type, he was definitely yours. You always heard from other women ‘when in a relationship, the man always has to love the woman more than she loves him. Otherwise, it won’t work.’ You never really got the saying until your breakup with Jungkook happened. It was the fact that you clearly loved Jungkook more than he loved you that lead to this.

“Oh my goodness!”, your roommate, Jane, dramatically exclaimed. “Will you stop feeling bad for yourself and do something? That’s not what hot girls do, sis.”

Jane was a lovely girl with a not so lovely temper. She always means well and you got along perfectly as soon as you met. Which was around 3 and a half years ago.

She looked over your shoulder to see what you were looking at. You obviously didn’t want her to see you snooping around your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend’s Instagram but it was too late.

“Seriously, yn?”, she took your phone in her hand and threw it on the bed. “Let’s go somewhere, you can’t do this to yourself anymore. I’m not letting you.”

Jane was clearly worried about you at this point. The only thing you did these last few weeks was eating, shower, cry, sleep and miss a whole bunch of classes. This wasn’t good at all.

“Where?”, your question was short.

“To the mall? Or the nail studio? Anything that’ll get you out of this fucking dormitory.”, Jane sighed, pulling the blanket off of you, making you whine a little. “C’mon, go put on some cute outfit and we’ll go.”

You felt bad since she was trying hard to make you feel better. But it didn’t really work.

You nodded, standing up from the bed, nonetheless. You picked out a cute two-piece dress, that brought back blurred memories of the time you went on a date with Jungkook, wearing the same two-piece. Bet Yuki would look cuter in this...

‘Shut your petty ass up, yn. It’s embarrassing, the way you’re stuck on a taken guy who wants nothing to do with you’

You wish you could change the way you think, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You wish you would stop imagining Jungkook judging you when he saw you naked or when you told him that you wished you could cut off some of your fat with a pair of scissors.

You were beyond ashamed of yourself. Why wasn’t it easy for you to just stay by yourself? why were you so desperately in need of Jungkook by your side to the point where you’d lock yourself in your room for a month just because he isn’t there?

You needed Jungkook. You became so attached to him in those two years, because you always saw him as a permanent, a forever. Not just a temporary, not just a distant memory. You already saw him as the father of your children, as the man you’re gonna marry.

You were so blinded by the fact that you had him, that you forgot you could lose him anytime.

“I’m done, let’s go.”, unenthusiastically, you announced to Jane, who was already waiting for you.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here!”, In contrast to your spirit, hers seemed to be all roses and daisies. “Lord knows you need it...”

__________

“Look at this cute ass skirt, girl”, Jane pointed at a chic, wine mini skirt she was holding. “You know, when I saw it back there I wanted to have it, but it’d look so much better on you”

You took a few seconds to admire Jane’s beauty. She was about 3 cm taller than you, had a great posture, and almond, dark brown eyes that suited her dark skin tone perfectly. Her body leaned more towards the slimmer side.

“Shut up! No, it would not”, you let out a small giggle. “It would look gorgeous on you, buy it.”

She smiled a little at your laughs. She was happy to see you at least a little cheerful again. “Yeah, but I think it’d look better on you. I’m entitled to my own opinion, am I not?”

You knew this debate was gonna go back and forth, because of her stubbornness. “Let’s both buy the skirt.”

You ended up doing so, added by a bunch of bags full of clothing. This may’ve turned into your new coping mechanism. Who needed therapy when you can go on a shopping spree?

Two hours were spent in boutiques and clothing stores and Jane decided she was tired, wanting to visit the local spa.

“No, seriously, these Riverdale seasons just keep on getting worse and worse. Netflix needs to step up their game ASAP”, Jane ranted, making you laugh at how serious she takes it. “It’s getting embarrassing. I’m being for real.”

The two of you were sitting in the whirlpool at the spa, relaxing your whole bodies a little.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I don’t watch these new Netflix shows anyways. Been stuck on the vampire diaries for the last 7 years”, you chuckled, knowing you hated trying new things. “Can you pass me one of those magazines?”

Jane nodded, grabbing a random one from the table next to her and handed it to you, without looking at it.

The cover of it caught your eyes immediately. How could it not, when your ex’s new girl looks absolutely dazzling on the front page of it.

‘Supermodel Yuki Sakurai talks summer fashion tips, struggle with self-love and most importantly, her hot, new boyfriend the media is going crazy over’ was the headline of the Harper’s Bazaar Magazine cover.

You felt your stomach getting sick and your breath getting heavier, but you still flipped the pages until you found the one with her interview. You began reading it, skipping the boring parts.

‘Int: so, we see you have a new boyfriend. Tell us, how did you guys meet?

Yuki: Yeah, he’s an amazing guy. We actually met about six or five months ago at one of my photoshoots, since he’s a photographer and we exchanged numbers and stuff, and then we made it official mid last month.’

About six or five months ago? You were with him back then, but her answer was too unclear to find out if he cheated or not.

“Woah, yn, you okay?”

You entirely forgot about the fact that you were with Jane, let alone somewhere other than your bed.

Before you could react, Jane snatched the magazine out of your hand.

“You really can’t escape them, huh?”, She sighs, taking you in her arm. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. In a few months, you’re gonna look back to this and think wow I really was stuck on a guy who’s scared of microwaves and cried like a bitch when Iron Man died.”

You laughed, punching her arm playfully. “You know, I actually love these things about him. Shows his sensitivity and the way he perceives things.”

Jane looked at you as if she didn’t believe you were actually saying that stuff. “Girl, you’re overanalyzing this. Let’s just throw this shit in the trash, okay?”

She put the magazine aside.

“I just don't know what I did wrong.”, You murmured. “I know we weren't the best, but we didn't even fight that much. We could’ve talked it through.”

Jane pursed her lips and cooed. “You know, relationships are complicated sometimes. The reason why he broke up, to begin with, is probably not your fault.”

“Well, what if it is? I mean what if I was too fat or too ugly for him?”, you asked. “If he wanted a skinny girl so bad, I could’ve lost weight for him, I don’t get it.”

Jane looked at you like you lost your mind entirely. “I can’t believe you just said that! Even if that was the reason, which it wasn’t, you shouldn’t make yourself suffer because of it. That’s his loss. You’re beyond gorgeous and you have an amazing body.”

“You’re just saying that.”, tears slowly started coming up in your eyes. “But the thing is Jungkook knows all about my insecurities. Why would he do that to me? I know he knows that I’m still not over him.”

You usually didn’t like crying in front of other people, but you didn’t really care at the moment, besides that was Jane. You trusted her with your life.

“Girl, men are trash, I can’t believe you’re crying over one right now, seriously.”, she wiped your tears and held your face between her hands. “You know, honestly, I’ve read so many articles about how models actually hate themselves and have like the lowest self-esteem so in conclusion, no matter how miserable you are, his new girl is even more miserable.”

You knew Jane didn’t mean it in a harmful way, but it sounded harsher than needed. “I don’t hate her, she probably doesn’t even know about me. I’m just really insecure. He upgraded from me. He’s dating a whole model now.”

The situation just felt like a deja vu of these last few weeks laying in your bed, even though you were at the spa with your friend. You were supposed to have fun, yet you didn’t feel like having any.

“Why would you feel insecure when all you’ve seen of her are Instagram posts and red carpet pictures? She’s supposed to look beautiful, it’s her job.”

To a certain extent, Jane was right, but that didn’t really help your situation, you still felt bad about yourself. You stayed silent.

“C’mon, this isn’t fun anymore. Let’s leave.”, Jane mumbled.

_______

it’s been two days since the incident at the spa and you felt a little bit better now.

Those days were spent reading the same three book series you’ve read your entire life, overthinking, hot Cheetos, Indian takeout, and Netflix. It really wasn’t as miserable as it sounded.

You were just taking a little rest before term break ends and you have to go back to the shithole college again.

Jane was using the time until college starts again, but in different ways than you were. She was planning on going to some frat party in an hour and forget about the world’ for a minute. Or till 4 in the morning, where she will most likely drunk call you and ask you for a ride back to the dorms, because the friends she went to the party with were shit-faced as well and were in no way capable of driving anywhere without the cops stopping them.

Going out partying on a Friday night was a Jane tradition. In the past, you’d sometimes go with her, but you mostly spent your time out with Jungkook doing something more fun than partying could ever be. Now you can’t do that anymore, but laying in bed is more ideal than a party for you at the moment.

“How do I look?”, Jane twirled around to show off her black cocktail dress. She looked beautiful.

“You look beautiful.”, you responded to her question. “Are you leaving now?”

“Hm”, she said, to which you nodded. “You sure you don’t wanna come with me? It’s gonna be really fun.”

You shook your head no.

“Alright”, she shrugged, making her way out of your bedroom. “But I told you, it’s gonna be fun.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “I’ll stay here, I have shit to do.”

“Yeah, right, like binge-watching the vampire diaries and taking 5-hour naps”, she said in a sarcastic tone. “Anyway, bye-bye, Vic’s already waiting for me in the car.”

Victoria was perhaps one of the most obnoxious people you know, yet she was too much of a nice person for you to talk shit about her. The voice of your intrusive thoughts couldn’t help but to, though.

“Alright, bye, take care and say hi to Vic from me.”

After Jane left, an hour went by like it was just a couple of minutes. You were starting to get real bored and decided to watch some regular tv in hopes to find something you enjoy. You ended up not finding anything fun, but you still watched it, because you didn’t have anything else to do.

A few moments later, the doorbell rang and you were suddenly worried. Either this is a serial killer or Jane forgot something.

But to your surprise, it was neither, but it was none other than

“Jungkook?”, truly, those were the only words you were able to mutter out at your shocked state. “What are you do-“

At the speed of light, you were interrupted by your ex-boyfriend pressing his lips to yours. He didn’t say a word.

You weren’t expecting him. Not knowing how you were supposed to feel at the moment, you just let it happen. You were sure your mental state couldn’t get any worse than that, no matter how this will affect you in the end.

“Is Jane home?”, for the first time in 3 months, you’re hearing his silky voice again.

Jungkook knew Jane always had some type of special hatred for him with her killing stares and her bitter comments. You didn’t notice either though.

He also knew she must hate him even more after your breakup. Or maybe she liked him more now since she was able to get rid of him without killing anyone.

“No”, your answer was short and it made a weight fall from Jungkook’s shoulders before he continued kissing you.

It wasn’t anything you haven’t done before, yet it felt like it’s been ages since it last happened. Your mind drifted to the thought of Jungkook and his model girlfriend. You were asking yourself what their sex life was like, if she was tighter than you or if she had stretch marks and scars.

Jungkook’s lips were moving south, giving your neck wet kisses, while you were wondering why he broke up with his model girlfriend. Or if he even did. You felt selfish for not caring.

Removing your clothes one by one, you were left in your underwear, while Jungkook only had his boxers on.

This body was yours. You knew it inside out. Where he liked to get touched and where he preferred not to. You knew him better than anyone else. You were sure.

You already moved to your bedroom, since Jungkook effortlessly carried you there. You were sat on his lap, facing him and your hands were in his messy hair. His hands were around your waist, he was slightly smiling into the kiss, as you started grinding on him. He loved how easy it was for him to turn you on. You were still his.

Cutting off the kiss, he looked you in the eyes, while his hand was on your cheek. “Say aah.”, he said.

You widened your mouth obediently, which was followed by him collecting as much saliva as he could in his mouth and spitting it into your mouth.

“Swallow.”, demanding, he spit on your face, his eyes become darker with every passing moment. You did as he said.

You looked at him with big eyes. He knew you loved it. You’ve always had a thing for him degrading and humiliating you during sex.

He started grinding on you almost desperately. You knew exactly what he wanted.

Getting out of his grip, you dropped to your knees and freed his hard dick from his drawers. You reached for it and started pumping it, and licking it. Your spit was leaking down his dick as you used it for lubrication. Then you started sucking on it, just the way you used to.

Jungkook’s groans and satisfied sighs were enough to make you even wetter than before. You enjoyed giving more than receiving.

Your mouth was wet and warm around him, giving him a feeling of familiarity. You lick over the tip a few times, then proceed to fully take him into your mouth.

The bulge in your throat could be seen and the way your eyes were tearing up a little wasn’t bothering you at all. You loved giving.

Jungkook started thrusting in and out of your warm, welcoming mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat multiple times.

“Fuck”, a throaty moan left Jungkook’s mouth, giving you hints that he was about to cum. And he did, releasing in your mouth before you swallowed it. “Shit, baby, that was so good.”

You felt your face heat up and a sheepish smile made its way to your face. Your throat was sore.

The two of you were on the bed again. To you, it felt like it was the times before your breakup again, when you’d purposely start an argument just for the makeup sex because Jungkook wasn’t giving you any anymore. It was like sex was the only thing to look forward to.

You felt attached to Jungkook to a point where it was dangerous. You weren’t okay when he wasn’t around. He affected every part of your life and God knew it wasn’t always a positive thing. Maybe it was the fact that he took your virginity. Maybe because he was your first boyfriend, the first guy that made you believe you were worthy of love and that someone was actually capable of loving you. One thing you knew was Jungkook had an expansive influence on your life.

While you were practically drowning in your own thoughts, Jungkook was busy taking off your underwear.

“You okay?”, Jungkook calmly asked you, looking at your riddled face.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m okay.”, you sounded distracted, Jungkook wasn’t sure about asking you what it is though. He didn’t feel like getting personal.

So he shrugged it off and started kissing you again, his dick was unsurprisingly hard again as he played with your tits. He drew lines over the stretch marks of your thighs and kissed them.

“Can I fuck your ass?”, Jungkook’s raspy, tired-sounding voice casually asked, to which you quickly nodded, knowing that Jungkook’s favorite position had always been anal. He was massaging and gripping your ass firmly.

“This is gonna hurt at first, but I promise it gets better.”, He warned calmly into your ear, while putting some lube on his dick and just went right into your ass, slowly thrusting so you don’t feel as much pain.

He was right, it did hurt a lot when he first put it in, but the pain just changed into pleasure in a matter of time and his slow-paced thrusts helped with the adjustment.

“Fuck, I missed this ass”, he practically growled into your ear, as he kept on thrusting in and out, steadily gripping your wide hips with his big, veiny hands. “It just doesn’t feel right when I’m inside her ass.”

You knew your confidence shouldn’t rely on Jungkook bringing his girlfriend down, but you couldn’t help but feel good about your body when he said that. It’s been a while since you felt even a tiny spark of confidence. You weren’t so fond of him mentioning her while he was inside of you.

Your soft moans rang through the whole room like sirens, while he watched your ass jiggle against his pelvis, thrusting in and out faster every second. He missed this.

You had always thought you were indecisive, but you knew exactly what you wanted. You just couldn’t have that, so you’d eventually have to settle for less.

Jungkook wasn’t to blame for it, you just couldn’t concede your shortcomings. The movie’s villain wasn’t always the real villain.

Your hands traveled to your pussy to make sure you’d orgasm as well, when you heard Jungkook’s breathing getting heavier and his thrusts getting gentler than before, indicating that he was gonna cum soon. You were certain he could make you cum with just anal, but you wanted to cum with him.

With furrowed eyebrows and drops of sweat dripping down his body, Jungkook looked down at your arched back. The whole scene was sticky, especially when Jungkook presses his upper body to your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and kissing the spot.

It was kinda odd, having sex with your ex-boyfriend you were crying over just a day ago. There was a certain intensity to it though. Like your long-lasting nostalgia was finally fulfilled.

You’ve realized you couldn’t imagine yourself being intimate with anybody else. Jungkook already knew your body, how it looked without the material protecting it, the strawberry skin, the slightly sagging breasts you swore you’d surgically remove once you had the chance to but didn’t. He knew where you liked being touched, he was the first one to even touch you in those places.

You were unsure what you’d do with yourself when he leaves.

Jungkook’s thrusts slowly started stopping and you too felt the familiar sensation in your stomach.

Suddenly, you two were nothing but desire, fear, and pleasure. And faster than you could process, you came together.

For minutes after your orgasm, you were just laying on the bed, thoughtless. Maybe a little regretful. Not you, but him.

You weren’t facing each other, but you could hear each other’s breathing. Your stomach was filled with something you’d describe as post-sex melancholia.

All of a sudden, Jungkook stood up from the bed, startling your resting self a little, but you decided to keep quiet, wanting to see what he was going to do.

He made his way to the door to leave what he thought was your sleeping body laying there. You couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

“Where are you going?”, your soft voice suddenly rang in his ears. “Don’t you wanna stay?”

He didn’t know how exactly to tell you. You’ve always been a gullible little girl, you were the type of girl to think fucking equals love. Little did you know that wasn’t the case at all.

“Yn.... you know I can’t”, Jungkook responded, you knew it wasn’t gonna be good when he said your name like that. “I got a girl at home and I don’t wanna mess shit up with her.”

There it was. Your suspicion was corroborated. He was still going out with the model and you were a certified home wrecker. Great.

You physically felt your heart breaking. “Bu- but why are you here then?”

You were incapable of being mad at him at the moment. It was your fault for letting him in, again. After breaking your trust and your heart.

“This was a mistake”, he declared, not looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry, yn...”

He’s moved past your room now, already at the exit of your dormitory. He was about to leave.

“You already ruined shit with her when you came here and fucked me.”, your voice was small, but your words were heard.

Without looking back, he left.

And you went back to your room, standing in the middle of it for a minute in silence before your brain fully processed what had happened and your tears started pouring.

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skzfelixity · 4 years ago

Text

Jealous Much? | So Mun [The Uncanny Counter]

So Mun x Counter!Reader

Summary: A customer flirts with you and So Mun doesn’t take it well.

Warnings: none

“So Mun, table 5!” Ms Chu called out the young boy, whose gaze was fixed on you and a random dude. Hana chuckled at his behaviour, she had to hear about his undying love for you almost every time they trained together. It annoyed her. She’ll have to confess for the both of you if no one doesn’t want to make the first move.

Mun was very shy when it came to love and everyone seemed to know. You were his first crush so he was going through emotions that hehad never experienced. For example, the butterflies in his stomach. He would get them just by looking at you, his stomach doing flips every time you smiled at him and hugged him.

So Mun’s eyes never left your figure as your conversation with that guy went on, his smirk pissing him off. Only if he had enough courage to storm there and drag you away. He sighed out loud, why was liking someone so hard? Although he couldn’t see your expressions as he was facing your back, he was still able to hear your soft giggles. Were you uncomfortable or enjoying whatever he was saying to you? Honestly he didn’t know but he secretly wished it was the first one.

“Jealous much?” Motak smiled teasingly at the boy, whose attention was now on the bowls in Motak’s hands, which he was supposed to deliver a while ago. Completely ignoring the question, he proceeded to grab the bowls but Motak pulled them farther away from him, “Go confess kiddo, serving can wait.”

His ears turned bright red, he wanted to disappear. Hana laughed along with Motak, both enjoyed teasing him about you. “Stop it!” he grabbed the bowls and left in embarrassment. It was not like he thought they would tell you about his feelings, he trusted them, but it was beyond embarrassing.

“We have to get them together,” Motak whispered, his eyes following Mun’s walk of shame. “Absolutely,” Hana nodded, determinded to make you two official by the end of the day.

You joined Hana and Motak shortly after, a sigh of relief coming out of your mouth. The conversation with the boy, whose name you didn’t remember, was exhausting. “What are you sighing for?” Ms Chu popped out of nowhere, a hint of concern in her voice.

“This guy’s pick up lines were awful. Like if you can’t flirt, don’t do it!” you said very much annoyed. If you wanted to hear pick up lines from the internet, you would search for them yourself. Ms Chu shook her head at how youngsters flirt these days and went back to the kitchen. Motak wheezed at what you said, getting weird looks from some customers.

Hana took the chance to sweep you away, bringing you out of the restaurant, “Whatever Motak and I tell you, you need to give a positive reaction or answer! Okay?” These two were always up to something so you were used to them acting this way, nonetheless you couldn’t help but be confused.

“Okay?” Hana shook your shoulders, she wasn’t playing here. “Yes ma’am!” you decided to trust them with whatever they were planning. You got a wave from from that guy while entering the restaurant, giving him an awkward one in return.

Mun was standing with Motak near the TV, both noticing your actions. Motak knew you didn’t like that guy from what you said earlier and how awkward you were now. However, So Mun didn’t have a clue and Motak was aware of that.

“Seems like this boy has stolen her heart!” Motak placed a hand on his heart, waiting for a reaction. “You think so too?” he narrowed his eyes, watching the boy observing you. He was acting like a creep, his eyes following your every movement. Well he did that too but he had no bad intentions.

Motak pulled him away by the hood and dragged him to where Hana and you were. At the sight of them approaching, Hana nodded at you. You weren’t sure what was that about so you just assumed you would have to do what she told you earlier. As they reached you, the plan got activated.

“Isn’t that guy cute?” Hana asked you referring to the certain customer. You didn’t want to agree but you knew she would smack you if you didn’t, “I think he is.” The uncertainty in your voice made her glare at you. Motak was trying not to laugh, patting So Mun’s shoulder.

So Mun’s heart started beating faster, so you found him cute. Wasn’t he cute too? For the first time in his life he wanted to be called cute too.

“I think you would make a great pair.” Hana told you and you tried not to cringe. You slowly nodded and Mun widened his eyes. If you thought you would be a good pair that meant you wanted to date him. Oh how much he wanted to punch that guy.

He stormed off to the training room, bumping into Ms Chu on his way there. She looked at Mun’s back, he usually apologises so she figured out there was something wrong with him. “What did you do to So Mun?” She pinched Motak’s ear, waiting for an explanation.

“I’m going to see what’s wrong with him, cover for me!” You stood up and left. Motak managed to escape Ms Chu’s grip, rubbing his ear. Hana smirked as she watched you leave, “We did it!”

Motak and Hana fist bumped each other, satisfied by their successful plan. “I’m asking you again, what did you do to our baby?” Ms Chu crossed her arms, tapping her right foot on the floor.

“We had a plan to make him confess and it worked!” Motak smiled proudly and Hana nodded. “Why won’t you leave the kids alone? They will admit their feelings when the right time comes.”

“They were taking forever and we decided to give them a little push.” Hana defended their plan, she wasn’t wrong and Ms Chu knew it too.

“Your plan hasn’t worked until they walk out that room hand in hand,” she pointed out. Well she wasn’t wrong either. All they had to do was wait for you two to come out and celebrate your 1st day as a couple. “Do you think So Mun will chicken out?”

“Probably,” Motak shrugged, “But he seemed mad so I don’t know.”

You entered the training room, finding So Mun giving multiple punches with bare hands to the punching bag. You immediately ran to him, holding his hands in your own, “You will get hurt if you keep this up.”

He looked away from you and snatched his hands away, “Don’t you have a boyfriend to care for?”

You didn’t instantly get what he meant but it hit you. He was referring to the guy that was flirting with you. In addition to that, you realised that Hana tried to make So Mun jealous but why? “I don’t like that guy.”

His head snapped to your direction, thinking he didn’t hear you right. “B-but noona said-”

You chuckled, cutting him off. You were quick to talk again because considering So Mun’s personality, he would assume that chuckle was basically to make fun of him. “She did it to make you jealous I guess,” you shrugged, “But I don’t know why.”

So Mun gulped at your assumption, ears getting red. So Hana and Motak tried to make him confess? Those sneaky-

“Do you perhaps...” you hesitated to ask, you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable but you wanted to know. Why would they try to make him jealous if he didn’t like you?

“Like me?”

He looked at his feet, unsure of how to respond. He didn’t know if you felt the same but he didn’t want to lie to you, he still had a chance after all. He nodded while still looking down. He could feel his cheeks heating up as you didn’t say anything, too afraid to face rejection.

It was far from rejection actually, your crush liking you back felt like a dream. You hugged him with a big smile on your face, “I’m glad we both feel the same!”

His eyes widened, you felt the same? Poor boy thought he didn’t hear right again. He couldn’t believe that you liked him back either, he was stressing too much over it to be real. “That means we can date?”

You nodded as you pulled away from the hug, your arms still around him. He smiled so brightly, anyone would go blind. “It took us some time, huh?” You asked, remembering all the times the others told you to confess to him. “That’s right!”

You exited the training room, holding hands. “OH WHAT ARE MY EYES SEEING?” Motak literally jumped at the sight of your intertwined hands. “We did it!” Hana smiled proudly, throwing a wink at you both.

“That plan was really something else,” you shook your head and So Mun giggled. “I guess we owe them for getting us together.”

“Damn right you do, I want ice cream!” Hana exclaimed.

“Let’s go get ice cream then!” Motak ran to the door, being stopped by Ms Chu holding a spatula. “Where do you think you’re going? Our shift isn’t done!”

Well you would definitely get robbed without her, just saying. “Oh right...” Motak sulked and Hana patted his back, “We will get it later.”

“Ms Chu, why are you holding a spatula? We make noodles.” You pointed out, making curious the others as well.

“In case I needed to smack Motak,” she held the spatula in a threatening way, making Motak hide behind Hana. You three laughed, finding the relationship between Ms Chu and Motak adorable, sibling energy.

“Congratulations on your wedding- I mean dating!” Ms Chu turned her gaze at you two, “Now back to work!”

You laughed at her mistake, Motak adding a loud soon and running off to not get hit.

You went to clean up the table of the guy who flirted with you, noticing his number written on a napkin. You picked it up to throw it away later but it got snatched by So Mun. “You don’t need that,” he teared it to pieces and dropped it on the floor.

“So Mun pick that up now!” Ms Chu yelled from the kitchen, how in the world did she notice that.

You helped Mun clean up, he did that because of you so you thought you should help. “Next time I’ll punch anyone who flirts with you!”

“You’ll get a warning idiot!”

You definitely got ice cream later.

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avengersassemble-fics · 4 years ago

Text

Stark's Girl

part 015/015 "the real hero"

previous part

masterlist

word count nearly 9k whoops

an: okay so... this is long and honestly... be prepared for an ending that took me days to write. i do not take any ownership on dialogue/scenes used from endgame, and i tried to make it original as well... anyways, here's the final part, and i can't wait to see what y'all think of the ending :3 oop i cried three times in this so be ready.

Was this actually going to work? Were the Avengers really about to get everyone back? According to Tony.. No. There were too many factors against it.

You tried to talk to him about it that night, but Tony avoided the conversation like the plague. By the morning Tony had disappeared and you were set to head back to the Compound that evening. You hadn’t heard from anyone if they had gotten anywhere beyond Tony’s involvement but it raised the question.. Who would even be able to make it work besides him? Hank Pym had been blipped, and as far as you knew this must be outside of Banner’s expertise. Tony was avoiding you, and that bugged you.

You understood the hesitation, but you knew how tore up he was about losing the Parker kid, even to this day. Morgan and Pepper were his world, this was his fresh start, so if it didn’t work then it was all for nothing. But what if it did? Then everyone would be back, and things would go back to how they were.

You zipped your bag shut and reached for your phone that laid on the bed. There were no new messages and you couldn’t help but sigh when there was a light tap on the door frame behind you. You glanced over your shoulder before tossing your phone into the bag and picking it up, and facing your brother fully. “Look who decided to say goodbye.”

“Got everything?” Tony asked and motioned his hands. “Clothes, toiletries-”

“I have everything,” you reassured him. “Was that all or.. Do you wanna talk about it?”

Tony sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets. You dropped your bag to the floor and sat down on your bed, and pat the spot next to you. Tony pushed himself off the door frame and ended up by your side, and you hit him with your shoulder. “Go on old man.”

“I hate it when you call me that,” Tony grumbled before he sighed and looked at you. “I just don’t see it working. And I can’t risk losing all of this.”

“I get that Tony, I really do,” you replied. You slid closer to him and snaked your arm through his and rested your head against his arm. “What you have here it’s.. Well I haven’t seen anything like it since mom and dad.”

“But you want me to figure it out,” Tony said. You sighed and looked up at him.

“I just.. I want to know if you really think it won’t work.”

Tony sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know.”

“It’s never been explored, I get that,” you told him. You unlatched yourself from his side and stood, and grabbed your bag before placing a hand on your brother's shoulder. “I have to get back and see what they’ve come up with though.”

Tony placed his hand over yours and gave you a tight squeeze. He spent the rest of the day with one question on his mind.

Would it work?

When you got back to the Compound the sun was nearly setting, and you sat in your car after switching the engine off. You pulled out the velvet box from your bag and ran your thumb over the top a couple times before pushing the lid open and staring at the contents. The ring inside still had a gleam to it, and you smiled a bit at it. You snapped the box shut and got out the car with your bag in tow, and headed inside. There was a strange brown van parked in the large hangar that made you slow your pace a bit, but you shook it off and continued on your way to the common room. As you got closer you could hear more and more chatter, and prepared yourself for what you were about to walk in on.

“I only have enough Pym particles for a few more goes,” you could hear Scott saying. “So I hope you were able to figure it out.”

“I got it down.. Mostly,” another voice said. It sounded almost like.. Banner?

When you came around the corner you were met with what looked like equations, workarounds, and everyone’s back to you. You had heard about “Professor Hulk” (that’s what his students called him at least) but you hadn’t seen Banner since after the blip. It was definitely, well, something. You came to a halt and couldn’t help but smile. “I see you guys have made progress since I saw you.”

Everyone turned around and Natasha approached with a smile. “Did he come around?”

“No,” you admitted. “He has a family now Nat, they mean the world to him.. And he doesn’t think it’ll work.”

“Well,” Nat looked back at Banner before he moved out of the way. “We might have a start.”

Bruce (Hulk?) explained everything. Tomorrow they would attempt time travel by sending Scott back to the 1950’s, and pull him right back. He said it would be easy, and checked his work multiple times to prove it. It sounded plausible, but until the morning no one would really know if it could work. Your nerves were shot at just the thought of it, and decided to make yourself some tea. You weren’t a huge fan, so as you dipped your tea bag into the hot water of your mug, the smell made you shake your head.

“You should try adding some honey.”

You glanced up from your mug at Steve walking into the kitchen. He stopped at a cabinet and pulled out a container filled with golden honey. He made his way to your side and set it on the counter, and you graciously took it and swirled some of it into the steaming cup. You lifted the cup to your lips and took a small sip, and turned to rest your hip against the counter and face Steve. “You think it’ll work?”

“It has to,” Steve said. His hand came up to rub one of your arms. “We owe it to everyone we lost to at least try.”

You nodded at his words and tapped your mug lightly in thought, and something surged through you. You set the mug down and reached into your pocket and pulled out the velvet box he had given you just days prior. Steve felt his heart stop at the sight, and his stomach twisted as you placed it on the counter between you both.

“I know you said you’d give me as much time as I needed, but.. I don’t need time to decide my answer.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve mumbled. “I guess I read too much into things-”

“Steve,” you cut him off from even finishing that thought. You placed your right hand up on his cheek, and Steve met your gaze. “The answer is yes.”

“Yes?” He asked quietly, and you nodded.

“Yes,” you repeated, and couldn’t help but giggle when a smile spread over his face. Steve pulled you into his arms like you were going to disappear right in front of him. When he set you back down you watched as he grabbed the velvet box and opened it, and pulled the ring out. He gently grabbed your left hand and as he slid the ring onto your finger, it felt like both of you weren’t breathing. You held your hand up to look at the gold band and diamond on your finger, and Steve’s smile fell.

“Are you okay?”

You met his gaze again and nodded. “I just never thought this would ever happen for someone like me.”

Admitting that to him felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. Steve’s look turned more understanding and he took your hand and placed a chaste kiss to your fingers. He pulled you into his embrace and your arms wrapped around his waist and head laid on his chest, while his arms held your body close. You had the sneaking suspicion the last few months that Steve did know what had been running through your mind, and this felt like confirmation. Your confession was absolute, and Steve understood it. And he would spend everyday making sure you knew you were worth it until the end.

It was the first night you spent together, welcoming one another’s embraces in a quiet and tender moment. To you, you had felt like it would be one of the last quiet moments before finding out if time travel was possible, because from there it would be non-stop until they got everyone back. You knew it, and Steve did too. One last night of quiet, then one last time saving the world. So Steve took residence in your room once more, sharing your bed and holding you so you knew you were worth this.

The next morning came too soon, peeking through your shades until FRIDAY opened them higher like you had scheduled. Steve traced his fingers up and down your arm that draped across him for awhile before duty called. Begrudgingly you both changed and went to the hangar hand in hand, only separating when you got in view of everyone. Natasha though never misses anything.

“Good morning love birds,” she quipped while typing away on a computer near Banner. As you two neared you came to her side and nudged her with your arm gently to take over.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you replied back and met Steve’s gaze with a little smile.

“The ring on your finger says different,” she threw back your way. Banner looked down over the exchange and saw what Natasha had been talking about.

“What? Since when!” He asked.

“Recently,” Steve offered. Banner tapped his rather large hand on your back and shot a finger Steve’s way.

“I always knew you two would work it out, congratulations.”

“Speaking of working out,” Natasha cut in. “Are we ready?”

“Almost there,” Banner said as he worked on a couple more calculations. “I’m going to go over this with (Y/N).. Cap do you mind setting the breakers and getting the emergency generators ready just in case?”

“Got it,” Steve said. With one final glance between you both he casted a smile and walked back into the compound. Banner hovered over your shoulder and walked you through the equations running through the sequence, and also working in the Pym particles into that. You followed it for the most part, but for some reason something didn’t add up, you just couldn’t put your finger on it. Tossing caution to the wind (you weren’t a genius like Banner was of course) the sound of footsteps echoed in the hangar, and Steve made his way back.

“Alright, here we go. Time travel test number one. Scott you can fire up the uh, the van thing,” Banner instructed. Scott, in what looked like a retro Ant Man suit, powered up the Quantum tunnel and you double checked Banner’s work.

“Breakers are set, emergency generators are on standby,” Steve said as he walked back to your and Natasha’s side.

“Good. ‘Cause if we lose the grid I don’t want to lose Tiny here in the 1950’s,” Banner said lightly. Everyone’s gaze went to him in shock.

“Excuse me?” Scott asked from near the van.

“He’s kidding!” Natasha told him, before turning and whispering to the group. “You can’t say things like that!”

“Yeah, just a bad joke!” Banner said loudly for Scott, and offered him a thumbs up. Scott nodded hesitantly and smiled nervously.

“You were kidding right?” You asked. Banner lowered his voice again.

“I have no idea. We’re talking about time travel here. Either it’s all a joke or none of it is,” Banner explained, though it didn’t calm any of your hesitations. Banner looked back to Scott and gave him a nod. “We’re gonna send you back a week, let you walk around an hour, then bring you back in 10 seconds. Make sense?”

“Perfectly not confusing,” Scott tried to level with humor.

“Good luck, Scott. You got this,” Steve offered in encouragement which Scott gave a more confident smile.

“You’re right. I do, Captain America.”

You met Scott’s gaze for a moment before giving him a nod of approval, and with Banner’s direction you pressed a button and Scott disappeared into the tunnel. Silence fell over the group, and you exchanged glances with Steve, who put his hand on the small of your back. Banner, with his arms crossed keeping track of time on his abnormally large watch gave you a nod.

“On the count of three. Three.. Two.. One!”

In the same sequence as before you pressed the button and the Quantum Tunnel spit a figure back out… But it was not the same one you sent in. They were younger, and your heart dropped as Banner moved you out the way.

“Guys? Uh this doesn’t feel right,” the teen said, and everyone’s attention shot to Banner.

“What is this?” Steve asked.

“Who is that?” Natasha asked next and Banner mumbled to himself.

“Jesus, is that Scott?” You asked this time and Banner huffed.

“Yes, it’s Scott!” Banner exclaimed. Before anyone could get a grasp on the situation, Banner hit buttons and teen Scott was sucked back into the Quantum Tunnel, only for an older man to be spit back out.

“My back,” the old Scott said and Steve shuffled next to you to face Banner fully.

“Can you bring him back?” Steve asked and Banner tapped the buttons furiously.

“I’m working on it!”

Tensions were high as old Scott got sucked back in and in a flash another body was spit out. The Ant-Man suit had fallen to the floor and inside was..

“It’s a baby,” you said matter of factly.

“It’s Scott,” Banner countered.

“As a baby!” Nat said again, matter of factly.

“He’ll.. Grow,” Banner offered and Steve shook his head.

“Bring Scott back!” Steve ordered. And Banner looked to Natasha and motioned to the generators.

“When I say kill the power, kill the power,” he instructed her. Natasha nodded before rapidly walking towards the generator and grabbing a hold of the lever. You came up by Banner’s side again to see what he was doing and he pointed at Nat. “Kill it!”

Nat pulled the power and out shot regular Scott, which made everyone sigh in relief. Scott, on the other hand, stood there in disbelief and admitted something quietly. “Somebody peed my pants.. But I don’t know if it was baby me or old me.”

You glanced Steve’s way and offered a sad smile. Tony was right, this wasn’t going to work. Natasha came back to the group and mumbled a thank god, while Steve wrapped his arm around your shoulders.

It wasn’t going to work. It was a grim thought, and everyone got their hopes up for nothing. Though Banner still tried to remain optimistic, and threw his hands up in triumph.

“Time travel!” Banner exclaimed, only earning a few shakes of the head. Steve motioned his head in a direction and off you two went, leaving behind Nat and Banner, and Scott who didn’t know what to do about his situation.

Steve had led you outside into the sunlight, where he removed himself from your side and let you walk out of the shade and close your eyes. He felt defeated, and took a seat on a hard surface and casted his gaze to the ground.

There was no victory, not even an opportunity for it. He had to once again come to terms with the fact he would never see Bucky again, or Sam, or Wanda. Wakanda would never get their King or Princess back, and the kid from Queens would never get to step foot back in the city. Steve was so lost in thought he nearly missed what you said.

“Holy shit,” you said out loud. Steve averted his gaze back to you, only to see what you had referred to. A car was fast approaching, and he knew just who was behind the wheel. Steve was by your side before the car came to a halt before you and the window rolled down.

“Why the long faces?” Tony asked.

You couldn’t help the smile that broke out over your face. There would only be one reason why Tony would come here (voluntarily)... He figured it out.

“Let me guess.. Lang turned into a baby,” Tony said and you covered your mouth to hide your grin. Steve nodded beside you and shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Among other things, yeah. What are you doing here?” Steve asked. Tony removed his sunglasses and tossed them onto the passenger seat before stepping out the car. He walked around the back, and opened the trunk.

“That’s the EPR Paradox. Instead of pushing Lang through time, you must’ve pushed time through Lang. It’s tricky, dangerous even. Somebody should’ve cautioned you on it,” Tony went on explaining. Steve smiled a bit and nodded at him.

“You did,” Steve admitted and Tony put his hand over his chest, acting shocked.

“Did I? Well thank God I’m here,” Tony replied while fishing something out of his pocket. It looked like a funky little watch, which he promptly tossed your way and you caught easily. “Regardless, I fixed it. That is a fully functioning Time-Space GPS.”

“Son of a bitch,” you mumbled to yourself looking at the device in your hands.

“And don’t think I didn’t notice that,” Tony pointed from where he was. You looked at where he was pointing and smiled at the sight of the ring on your finger. “I just want peace, if you’re okay with it.”

“Of course I am Tony,” Steve confirmed and Tony sighed as he lowered his voice for the two of you.

“We got a shot at getting these stones, but I gotta tell you my priorities. Bring back what we lost? I hope so, yes of course. Keep what I got?” Tony paused while focused on you and nodded at him. “I have to, at all costs.. and maybe not die trying would be nice.”

“Sounds like a deal,” Steve agreed and offered Tony his hand, and you watched them shake on the promise. Tony pulled one last thing from the trunk of his car and Steve looked uncertain to take it. “Tony-“

“Why? He made it for you,” Tony insisted. And finally.. Steve took the shield once more.

“Looks good, Cap,” you commented, earning one of those looks from Steve and Tony shut his trunk.

“Ew. Please I don’t need to hear that.”

The Compound was about to be bustling once more. It was one of the more festive dinners the Avengers compound had seen in awhile, nearly every seat occupied and chatter among everyone. Pizza was the easier choice for the evening, and you had found yourself looking for a seat near Nat, Tony, and Steve who had engrossed themselves in early talks.

Clint had proven that Tony’s way of time travel worked, though it had taken a couple weeks to get it ready. You learned the calculations for entry points and exits, then re-entry back to the present. It was confusing, but the thought of getting the world back to normal was worth the late night lectures with Tony.

So now it was down to figuring out where and how to get all the stones as they are scattered throughout time. There wasn’t a clear path though, not yet anyway. But as you came up to the trio you could hear them still discussing it.

“I’m so glad we have the Three Stooges figuring this out,” you commented as Steve welcomed you to sit in his lap. Tony tossed a napkin your way and you chuckled before taking a glance around the room. “It’s nice to see all these faces again.”

“Hopefully soon it’s everyone,” Natasha offered. Her hope never died these last five years, and it made you nod in agreement as you bit into your slice of pizza. One of Steve’s hands ran up and down the side of your hip, and everything felt a little more normal.

“Lang only has enough particles for ten round trips, one for each of us,” Tony went on about, though you quickly swallowed the bite of pizza you had to inject.

“What about me-“

“No,” Steve and Tony said in unison. You narrowed your gaze at them both and took an angry bite of your pizza. It was ridiculous that they made the decision you were to stay here and track them on the time heist.

“Thor and Rocket could go for the Reality Stone in 2013,” Steve offered.

“Clint and I can get the Soul Stone, Nebula and Rhodey can handle the Power Stone.. We know where those are in 2014,” Natasha said out loud.

“That still leaves three stones and four of us,” Tony sighed. You shrugged your shoulders and took a bite of the crust you had left.

“I mean if you pick the right year, there’s three stones in New York,” you said off the top of your head. When silence fell among the group and you looked up to see them all staring at you you raised a brow. “What?”

“What did you just say?” Tony asked and you blinked at him.

“I said if you pick the right year there are three stones in New York?” You replied and when everyone still looked confused you sighed. “The wizard had the Time Stone, you guys had the Space Stone aka the Tesseract, and Loki’s scepter had the Mind Stone.”

It was silent, everyone seemed to be processing what you said when Banner came up to the group, but Tony was already in motion. “There’s only one pizza left can I have it-“

“Jolly Green take a look at this,” Tony said as he whipped out a small device and displayed images in the room. His actions made everyone else look on as he moved pictures, air typed words, and took a step back to show everyone. Tony put his hands on his hips and Banner looked surprised.

“Shut the front door.”

“This is it,” Natasha stood and looked on. “This is how we get all the stones in one go.”

For once you were glad to have caught up on all those confidential SHIELD documents on what you had missed.

No..

No no no. No it wasn’t supposed to be like this. This wasn’t supposed to happen, no one was supposed to die.. This was supposed to fix everything, but not this. No.. No it wasn’t true. What Clint was saying couldn’t be true.

He fell to his knees, he had to be picked up from the floor as he recounted what happened. A soul for a soul, he said. It shouldn’t have been the price but it was, he said.

It couldn’t be true.

The thought just ran over and over again in your mind the rest of the day. Everyone had gone to the lake and discussed it more but that one line just kept running over you. Clint insisted there was no other way, there was no give backs.

She bet her life on it.

Tony crafted a gauntlet to house the stones in. He carefully placed each like where Thanos had them originally. He was precise, this was delicate after all. Someone died to make this happen.

Steve was distant. You chalk it up to being focused on the situation at hand.

But who should snap?

Thor offered but was met with (quickly) apprehension from everyone. Tony said he was in no condition to do so, so Bruce said it should be him.

“You saw what those stones did to Thanos. It almost killed him. None of you could survive,” Banner said.

“How do we know you will?” You asked. It was one of the first times you had spoken up in days, and seemed to shock everyone a little bit.

Honestly, you couldn’t handle someone else dying right now.

There was no way to know for sure, but it was time to find out. This time you weren’t letting anyone tell you not to join, and you grabbed the nano suit attachment Tony had made for you. The chest pendant stuck to your shirt and like a second skin it dispersed the suit over your body, leaving your face still exposed.

You came up by Steve’s side and he glanced your way and sighed. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Let me be here for this,” you said lowly. Steve didn't question you again, and strapped his shield tighter to his arm as Scott came to his side and gave him a ready nod.

“FRIDAY do me a favor and activate Barn Door Protocol will you?” tony asked.

Barn Door Protocol was simple. There were protective blast doors that closed the Compound in the event of a catastrophic event. It protected every square inch of the facility-

You get the point by now. It’s in case some shit goes down.

The room got slightly darker, and Tony gave you a nod across the room and both your helmets covered your faces. Tony projected a shield before him and Clint, and you shifted in your place.

This was it: one last mission.

Banner slowly put on the gauntlet, the metal growing over his enlarged hand, and when it fit snugly the stones began to glow and you could see their power begin to surge through him. Suddenly, Banner fell to his knee and grunted in pain.

“Take it off!” Thor hollered.

“No, wait,” Steve called over the chaos. “Bruce you okay?”

“Talk to us, Banner,” you tried to reason over the conflicting voices.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Bruce reassured everyone and even attempted to give a thumbs up. But the scene unfolding told you (and probably everyone) that Bruce was not okay. He screamed in pain, holding his hand that housed the gauntlet and just when you thought he was going to pass out from the pain he was in--

-- He snapped.

Bruce fell to the ground and the gauntlet slid off his hand and Clint kicked it away. Steve rushes to his side and you move to do the same but Tony stops you.

“Don’t move him,” Tony instructed and Bruce gripped onto Steve’s arm.

“Did it work? Bruce asked immediately. Everyone glanced around, unsure if it did or not.

Nothing felt different, nothing screamed yes it worked. Tony iced Bruce’s affected arm and just when the dust was settling-

A bad choice of words. Suddenly everything evaporated around you. Explosions, debris, rock and dirt flying everywhere. Everything was disorienting, nothing truly felt settled for minutes. You weren’t sure how long time had passed, but there was chatter in your ear and you gasped back to life.

“We’re drowning! Does anybody copy? Mayday!” Rhodey’s voice rang a little choppy.

You groaned as you pushed yourself up, feeling the same water building around you. Rhodey, Rocket and Hulk came into view and you forced yourself up, having to crouch because of the fallen pieces of cement. You rushed over as water continued to fill the small cramped area, and came to Bruce’s side.

Your boots cemented themselves to whatever ground you stood on and helped push the cement that was threatening you all. “I got you, big guy.”

See you on the other side, man,” Rhodey said to Rocket who was next to him. The water was quickly rising, and this didn’t feel real.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Bruce and you couldn’t bear the weight, not with the water circling your necks. It was an ironic death, because your life did flash before your eyes. Seeing your parents death, seeing Tony again, that date with Steve where he kissed you in the rain, then the flashes of Siberia, Natasha’s last smile.. You wouldn’t admit this to anyone until much later, but you welcomed this ending.

Suddenly something cupped you all and air rushed around you. The large hand hugged you all carefully, and when they released you the scene of the outside world was a punch in the stomach, but there was no time to reflect. You could see that Purple Titan from this far, and you could also make out the size of his army.

And by the looks of it, Bruce’s snap worked.

Bruce leaped out of Scott’s hand and Rhodey, back in his suit hovered with Rocket, and you landed by his side. The chants of the Wakandan tribes ring in the air, but one voice cuts over the comms in your suit and you clutch your fists.

“Avengers!” Steve calls out.

“Assemble.”

Both forces charge one another, Thanos still on the battlefield pointing his legion on. You had flown in with Rhodey by your side as both sides met in a chaotic middle, and landed before one of the ugly Sakaaran aliens and ricocheting them backwards with the repulsors in your palm. Asgardians, Wakandan forces, wizards, and fellow Avengers fought all around you. Landing by your side, your brother shot another alien backwards past you.

“You alright?” his voice projected into your suit. An alien charged you and you grabbed it around the neck and propelled yourself upwards before using the momentum to slam the body back down to the ground.

“Oh just the usual Tuesday,” you replied before someone landed beside you two.

“Mr. Stark! Hey! Holy cow-” the young kid started. You gave your brother an understanding nod, and flew back up into the air, eyes landing on an incoming Leviathan, heading straight for Clint.

“Anyone have my back with the big space worm?” You asked over the comms, while cycling through the weapon options of your suit quickly.

“I got it!” Scott called over the comms and you took a play out of your brothers book. Scott was charging forward and as the Leviathan came near the forces fighting below, he punched the space worm, and with your charge ready, a small missile shot out from your suit and into a now exposed piece of flesh and exploded the Leviathan. Scott continued on, but in your state of distraction one of the Chitauri from the ground leapt up and pulled your downwards.

Shocked, the alien slammed your back down to the ground, and with a scepter like device flourished downward to pin you. You stopped the scepter just before impacting your chest and huffed and you tried to push them off, but they’re a lot heavier than they look. Before you have time to panic, the alien is thrown off of you, and a couple shots ring through the air.

Standing above you is Bucky Barnes.

Barnes lowers his gun and looks down at you, before offering his exposed vibranium hand for you to take. Without hesitation, you grip his hand and he pulls you up but not without lingering his hand in yours before letting you go, and you give him a nod.

“Thank you,” you tell him. “That’s two I owe you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Barnes replied. Both of your attention is pulled away when chatter erupts in your ears.

“We have incoming!” Someone shouted. Everyone turned their attention above as the looming ship Thanos arrived in began to fire. The same explosions that rocked the Compound hit the ground in the same destructive way, but the wizards (you really needed to learn the correct term for them) began to make shields to cover the people around them. You projected the shield Tony had integrated into these new suits and held it above you while Barnes shot at a couple more aliens who were still attempting to attack.

“Guess that’s only one you owe me,” Barnes said next to you and you let your helmet disappear to look at him fully.

“Did you just make a joke?” You asked and he shrugged.

“I do that sometimes,” he replied and you smiled a bit before your helmet reappeared over your face.

Above, you could just barely make out the Spider kid with the gauntlet being carried away on a Pegasus before you see them get knocked off the winged horse. But there was no telling how to get the ship to stop firing on both forces below, and that started to sit badly in the pit of your stomach. But in near perfect timing, the cannons stopped, and everyone around looked at one another in question (including you and Barnes). Your shield disappeared and the cannons moved to point upwards, and shot into the sky.

“What are they firing at?” You asked over the comms, before FRIDAY answered that something was entering the atmosphere.

In a blazing ball of glory shoots down from the sky and into a part of the ship, straight through, and then back in, all before shooting out as the ship began to crumble below her. You smiled behind your helmet before refocusing on the scene before you.

Get the gauntlet to the brown van, and put an end to Thanos once and for all.

“See you on the other side, Barnes,” you commented to him before shooting back off into the thick of it all. In a matter of seconds Thanos threw his sword towards the brown van and almost in slow motion, the gauntlet is lost in the dirt. You land besides Steve, who seemed to have almost forgot you had been here during this.

“(Y/N)-”

“We can’t let him get that gauntlet again,” you said to him, your eyes trained on your brother who was heading that way. “We can’t lose anyone else.”

Instead of arguing with you, Steve nodded in agreement and he outstretched his hand, and Mjolnir flew into his grasp, his shield on the other arm. Side by side you charged towards Thanos just as he smacked your brother away, Thor arriving at the same time. The two men teamed up to distract Thanos, and you focused your attention on the gauntlet, whose stones shined under the grim that now governed it. You could see Thanos overpower both Thanos and Steve, and with no one else in sight you picked the gauntlet up and back into the air you went. But you didn’t get very far, a large hand grabbing ahold of one of your legs and pulled you backwards, and for the first time you came face to face with the Titan who ruined everything.

Thanos used his free hand to grab a hold of your neck and released your leg, and you felt the metal of your suit dig into your sin as you gasped for air. Thanos looked you over, as if he could see your frightened expression behind your suit, and with his free hand he plucked the gauntlet from you and looked it over. His hand still was tight around your neck, and your vision began to fade before he looked back at you.

“Pathetic,” he muttered to you, before tossing you away. You weren’t sure how far you landed, but the impact shocked your body. You could feel yourself come in and out of consciousness, hazy vision of the dark clouds in the sky moving ever so slightly each time you came too. It wasn’t until the snarl of an Outrider nearing you did you finally find the strength to push yourself up, but before it lunged at you.. It disappeared into the wind like dust.

Pushing yourself up, you watched as all around all of Thanos’ different forces began to crumble away into dust. The Chitauri, the Sakaraans, and the Outriders all disappear before your very eyes in the same manner half the world did five years ago. You pushed yourself forward, over a heap of debris in what seemed like just enough time to see Thanos sit himself down in the middle of an open area. Thunder crackled above, and Thanos crumbled away into dust as well.

It.. It was over. It was really over.

Your helmet disappeared so you could see the spectacle for yourself. The only people still around were the Avengers, and everyone who helped that day (you would call them Avengers as well). You smiled a bit as your eyes landed on Steve who was focused somewhere else, but then he looked around frantically before spotting you. His expression made your chest hurt as you looked to where he had been staring previously.

No..

You could see Tony fall to the ground and people begin to surround him. There was an urgency in each step you took and when someone tried to stop you you pulled your hand from their grasp to get closer. You needed to see your brother, he had to be okay.

He just had to be.

When you finally got to his side you felt your heart stop. Peter was being pulled off the ground by Rhodey, while Pepper took his spot. She was stroking the side of Tony’s face, and whispering something to him you couldn’t hear. You found yourself taking in every detail, but still you couldn’t believe what you were witnessing. Tony stared off into the distance, his body was… It was just completely eaten up from what you knew were the stones. He was the one who snapped, and you shook your head in disbelief.

He was supposed to go home after this.

People looked at you, and Pepper glanced behind to meet your gaze. She held out her hand and you took a heavy step forward, until you kneeled down in front of your big brother… But his eyes held nothing in them anymore. Carefully you grabbed his hand that Pepper wasn’t holding and you gave him a squeeze, not really sure what to say.

With a shaky hand you reached out to stroke the side of his face that wasn’t burned, but your touch did nothing to get a response from him. You could feel the tears fall down your cheeks as you watched him barely breath, and you shook your head.

“I love you so much,” you managed before the sobs in your chest ached to be released. “I love you-”

Just as you were struggling to get the last words out, the light of his arc reactor went out. You gasped lowly as Pepper fell forward to sob into Tony’s shoulder, and someone pulled you off the ground as your sobs were just starting. Steve had pulled you into his embrace as you cried, and the somber feeling carried through everyone else.

You had lost the last piece of family you had left.

Uncertainty. That was the one thing that had settled into your life those days between the battle and Tony’s funeral. Those of you who needed it found yourselves in a hotel in the city, and each of your days blended together in the same way. You slept all day, most of the time waking up and opting to stay in bed and stare ahead.. Your eyes burned, and you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

Steve stayed with you, though it was hard on him. When you first arrived, you nearly immediately got into the bed and under the sheets, and he couldn’t coax you out for two days. He opened the blinds to the windows, but you stared blankly out, and when he came with food you told him you weren’t hungry. He tried to help, but he didn’t know how.

The day before the funeral, when he finally got you to eat oatmeal (even if it was just a couple spoonfuls) and managed to get you into the shower, he tucked you back into bed and you went to sleep once more. He stayed in the room for a while, his own thoughts heavy on his mind, before going to the one person he knew would understand him the most.

When Bucky answered the door, he gave him a sad smile and let him into his room. Steve walked in and stopped in front of the windows overlooking the city, which was now bustling with life again. Bucky came up behind him, and Steve could hear him open the mini fridge in the room and pull something out.

“How is she?” Bucky asked. Steve sighed and turned back to face his friend while crossing his arms.

“I got her to eat a bit, but Buck… I’ve never seen her like this and I.. I don’t know what to do,” Steve admitted. Bucky sat himself on the edge of his bed with a water bottle in his hand and sighed.

“You just have to be there for her, Steve,” Bucky offered. “No matter how long it takes.”

The guilt on his conscience was too much, and Steve nodded in response. He took a seat in the chair across from the bed and rubbed his hands together, all while Bucky took sips from his water and watched him closely. Bucky knew he was holding something back.

“Steve.. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Steve looked up to meet his best friend's gaze, before looking back down to the ground. “I… I don’t think I belong here anymore, Buck.”

Bucky’s brows narrowed as he looked at his friend. Where was this coming from? Hethought you two would’ve worked things out in the five years he was gone, Bucky had only assumed so since Steve was by your side during this.. He thought Steve moved on from this kind of talk. “What do you mean Steve.”

“What if I should go back?” Steve asked him, meeting Bucky’s gaze again. “There’s a way now and… And I saw Peggy-”

“You saw Peggy?” Bucky asked, and Steve gave him a nod. “Steve now think about this… I thought you were over this, I thought you were set on making things right with (Y/N)-”

“I was,” Steve cut him off this time. “But Buck when I saw Peggy… There’s something telling me that… That it was always supposed to be her.”

“Yeah, maybe back then,” Bucky conceded. “But Steve think about now. You’re here for a reason, not back there… I thought you passed this.”

“Maybe I never was,” Steve asserted. Bucky looked over his friend, and he shook his head and stood up again.

“I think you should consider this a lot more than you have… Because there is someone really hurting right now, and she needs you,” Bucky told him. “I don’t know if you two worked it out over these last few years but Steve you need to think about this.”

Tony was… Exceptional. He was what you had always wanted to be when you grew up. And maybe that was more true now than ever.

You found yourself unable to do a lot of things the last few days, including dress yourself for this funeral. You felt sickly, but the cries had drawn themselves out and left you too tired to continue today. You were there for the entirety of Tony’s message to his family, and Steve was still by your side as Pepper set a wreath with an old arc reactor into the lake by their home.

You felt empty. Emptier and more alone than you had ever felt.

When you managed to be alone you had wandered off by yourself to Tonys’ work shed and pried it open. Dust lingered in the air, and you entered slowly with hands shoved into the pockets of the coat you had been wearing. You were chilly, probably getting sick, but you ignored the thought as you turned the light on to see better.

What you had been searching for was staring at you like it had been weeks ago. Slightly discolored, the photo of Tony and you from when you were younger screamed at you of a feeling you’d never feel again. You reached out for it with a shakiness you couldn’t control and grabbed it, and traced your fingers over the glass front before holding it to your chest in an effort to comfort the pain in your heart.

The floor echoed as someone entered, and you wiped the tears from your face as they came up behind you. They didn’t sound like Steve’s footsteps, and you turned to face the person who must’ve followed you out.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Bucky Barnes said to you. You found yourself nodding and looked back down at the photo you were clinging onto.

“Me too,” you admitted quietly. When you met Bucky’s gaze again he looked like he wanted to say something, but Steve came up behind him and the moment was stopped. Steve glanced between you two before refocusing on you, and he cleared his throat.

“Happy has something for you,” Steve admitted and you gave him a nod. Steve waited for you to pass him before Bucky turned his way and gave him a knowing look. Though they hadn’t discussed it since, Bucky hoped Steve had come to his senses.

Things never felt normal for you, not as soon as people seemed to hope it would. You tried to be more.. Enthusiastic. But how could you just be okay after that?

Weeks had passed since the funeral, and you didn’t feel any better. Happy had given you a drive with a message he said Tony had left for you, but you couldn’t seem to bring yourself to listen to it. Not yet, maybe ever. It was hard enough seeing his face plastered on the news, and in depth reporting on the Stark legacy, with people questioning what you would contribute in the family’s wake. Even Steve had asked you about your commitment to one another… You hate to admit it but you told him you couldn’t right now, not with this pain in your heart. He told you he understood. You weren’t sure if he noticed, but you tucked the ring he had given you back into the velvet box, and then away safely.

But things were uneasy between you two, and you did what you always do. When Bruce called with work, you accepted it. Anything to get you mind off the thoughts that ran rampant. There was one last thing that needed to be done: the stones needed to be returned.

You had memorized every detail of Tony’s work when it came to the Quantum portal. Bruce and you had replicated one in record time, and on a sunny day you stood there beside him double checking the trajectories. Steve had volunteered to return the stones, with no arguments from anyone on the matter.

“Now, remember,” Bruce explained to Steve. “You have to return the stones to the exact moment you got them. Or you're gonna open up a bunch of nasty alternative realities.”

“Don’t worry Bruce, clip all the branches,” Steve said as he messed with the com in his ear. You were too focused on the conversations that unfolded, your mind drifting off for a moment before being pulled back with Bruce setting his hand on your back.

“You okay?” He asked, and you nodded and returned to finalizing the jump.

“I’m fine,” you reassured him and looked up to see Bucky and Steve hug for a moment. Steve stepped up onto the platform and the familiar Quantum suit appeared over him. He picked up the case that had all the stones, and Mjolnir as well.

“How long is this gonna take?” Sam asked.

“For him? As long as he needs. For us? Five seconds,” Bruce explained before meeting Steve’s look. “We’ll meet you back here, okay?”

Steve looked at you, with a look on his face you couldn’t quite place. Your stomach felt like it was twisted in a knot, even though he gave a nod and looked back Bruce’s way.

“You bet,” Steve replied.

“Going quantum in three, two, one..” Bruce counted down before Steve disappeared. You intently watched his stream disappear on the monitor you had before you, and Bruce started counting again. “And returning in five, four, three two, one-”

When Steve didn’t reappear you frantically looked for his stream location, only to see it shoot past his return point. “He blew right past his time stamp-”

Bruce moved you out the way and your gaze focused on the empty Quantum portal, and you shook your head a bit. You could hear the conversations around you, but couldn’t quite make out the words being said. All you knew was Steve didn’t come back. When everyone went quiet your attention went to the three men who were focused in the distance, with Sam heading towards a figure who hadn’t been there before.

You stepped off the platform you had been working on and took a few steps in the grass closer to where Bucky was standing and watching whatever was unfolding. You had your disbelief, but that was crumbled the minute you saw Sam take the shield, and you could now make out it was an old man.

When Tony died time had all but warped together.. But what you were seeing right now had felt like the ground was taken out from under you. The older man had stood and shaken Sam’s hand, and when they looked back at Bucky, when you could see those eyes even from this far you stumbled backwards. They were Steve’s eyes.

Confusion… Panic… Hurt. Everything coursed through you at once, and ignoring the calls from whoever tried to get you to stay, to probably talk about it, you turned away from the scene and pulled the arc attachment from your pocket and desperately threw it onto your chest. The suit that you hadn’t worn since the battle appeared out your body, hid your face behind a helmet and you shot off from the ground with only one destination in your mind.

You had never used the fastest flight power Tony’s suits had to offer but you did that day for the first time. You needed to get back to the hotel you had been staying at quickly, and when you landed on the roof and your suit disappeared as you ran for the entrance to the building, you needed to find it.

Out of breath by the time you made it to your room and threw open the door and it shut behind you, you overlooked your room and couldn’t get your mind together. You hurried over to the bedside table you had hidden what you were looking for and pulled it out the housing completely, only to find it empty.

A frantic panic flooded you, and in a matter of minutes you had nearly destroyed the hotel room, overturning every piece of furniture, overlooking every crevice you could find. You rested your back against a wall and breathed heavily, before sliding down and for the first time in weeks, fresh sobs left your body.

Steve Rogers had taken his ring back. And now you were truly alone…

...In 1974, Howard Stark was going to unveil his City of the Future to the world, but was having a hard time coming up with the right words. Tony had interrupted him once, though he couldn’t hold it against the kid, he was only four and Howard worked late nights. With Maria talking about wanting another kid, Howard was doing whatever he could to set them up for success, and here he was, getting ready to record a message for them.

He just needed to get something off his chest, and he leaned back against his desk with his arms crossed before him, and searched his mind for the right words. He tapped his foot lightly before sighing under his breath.

“I’ve never been a man of many words, as crazy as that sounds. But trying to build all of this, I’ve had to put my best foot forward,” Howard started. He touched the model beside him and looked at the camera. “You don’t know it yet but your mother is talking about having another baby, and I’m… I’m looking forward to that, when it happens.

“Tony, you are too young to understand this right now, so I thought I would put it on film for you. I built this for you, and by the looks of it your brother or sister, and some day you two will realize that it represents a whole lot more than just people's inventions. It represents my life's work. This is the key to the future. I'm limited by the technology of my time, but one day you'll figure this out. And when you do, you will change the world.”

Later on Howard would go on to edit this message, just weeks before his death, to include another message. This one would go unheard for years. Until you were ready, this message sat alongside Tony’s on the drive he left for you.

“You turned five this year. When someone told me that I would become a sucker for my little girl, man did they mean it,” Howard chuckled. Something caught his attention off screen, but he looked at the camera he had set up in his study and on a rare occasion he smiled. “With Tony, he became my vision, the reason why I wanted my work to make the biggest impact on the world… So that he would have the best future. But you? You’re my aspiration. And just like Tony, I know you’re going to change the world… If you both sat through these messages, I just want you to know one last thing.

“What is, and always will be, my greatest creation... is you two."

- - - - - - - - - -

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persepholline · 4 years ago

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I've read that article about the romanticization of the Darkling and while I absolutely understand people who are pissed off/sad and I agree that it's shitty, I find LB's attitude towards Darkles stans very funny in a "girl what are you doing" sort of way because it's so petty like I've never heard of a bestselling author writing a portion of their fans into their books as a crazy cult before, it clearly hit a nerve

I'm new to the fandom but the feeling I get is she wrote something problematic ten years ago and became very embarrassed about it afterwards so she turned on the fans that liked it as a way to absolve herself. Especially since fandoms in general have become a lot more focused on discussion of what constitutes healthy/acceptable relationships to write about. And in a way I get it I had a huge Twilight phase in high school and afterwards I was super embarassed about it because of how problematic and cringe it was. But now with distance and more maturity I'm able to both still see why it was problematic and also why I was drawn to it (mostly the very unhinged representation of female desire) and like...it's really not the end of the world and no it never made me believe that breaking into somebody's room at night to watch them sleep was actually ok in real life lmao. This feels so obvious to me but apparently it needs to be said.

(More under the break this is turning into an essay, I've been thinking of this a lot recently)

And of course it's good to have these discussions about how historically romance tropes have echoed social dynamics of men's shitty behavior being romanticized and excused. But these days they often are so simplistic and focused on chasing clout that they become this weird new puritanism and moral panic about oh now women are reading novels it's going to make them hysterical or something

So you have these weird assumptions that you can't like a character and also be critical of their actions, or enjoy certain parts of a character and not others, or wish they were written differently and like them more for their potential (which I'm sure stings a bit for an author lol) - it assumes that if you like a character it means you would approve of their actions in real life, or that people just stupidly reproduce whatever they see on TV. That tendency to treat fictional characters like real people is the thing that actually worries me, to be honest, because it indicates a lack of distance and critical capacities regarding how stories are used and received. But people - fans and authors - are so scared of being called out as problematic and harassed for it that they're going to shy away from any nuance.

And yeah I think that it's good that standards of what constitutes an ideal relationship are evolving and becoming more feminist and communicative and all that and we definitely need more of that. But not all fiction has to be aspirational! Sometimes you just want to read about fucked up shit, because it's cathartic or fascinating, even healing at times because with fiction you are absolutely in control and can choose when to close the book. Toxic relationships in fiction can have an appeal specifically because they go to extremes of feeling that we don't want to go to in reality, in exactly the same way as horror movies or very violent action movies - which I don't see a lot of people besides fundamentalist Christians argue that they turn you into violent psychopaths (and that feels very obviously sexist). And for women, who are often taught growing up that love is the purpose of life, the "saving someone with your ability to love" can be a power fantasy in the same way that being a buff superhero who saves the day with their capacity for incredible violence can be a power fantasy for men. Still doesn't mean those women are going to fall in love with actual murderers or that those men are going to start beating up people at night. And love is scary, and weird, and weirdly close to horror at times, with all the potential for loss of self and being vulnerable and overwhelming feelings and potential for being horribly hurt and it should be possible for stories to explore that without anybody screaming about how this is going to Corrupt the Youth or something

And I mean I get it LB wanted to write a cautionary tale for teenagers, but it just did not work for reasons a lot of people have already written about - the fact that the Darkling is the leader of an oppressed minority and is the only one with a real political agenda to end that oppression in the first trilogy, the fact that he helps Alina come into her own power while her endgame LI is someone she keeps herself small for, that she's shamed for wanting power after growing up without any, a generally very wonky conception of privilege, and a lot of other stuff with yucky regressive implications to the point where stanning the villain actually feels liberating and empowering which is a surefire sign that the narrative is broken (unless it's a villain focused story lmao). But of course that Fanside article makes almost no mention of the political dynamics, it's all about interpersonal stuff which is an annoying trend in YA, there are those massive events happening in the background but it's made all about the feelings of the hero(ine) ; war as a self-development quest (which is kind of gross). Helnik is kind of an example of this too - I like them, I think they're fun ! But Matthias spends a big part of the story wanting to brutally murder Nina and her kind, and he mostly changes his mind because he finds her hot. Like you don't feel there is some sort of big revelation that his entire moral system and political framework is completely rotten ; it's all better because of feelings now.

As a teenager that kind of sanctimonious bullshit would have annoyed the hell out of me ; I read those books in my early twenties and I found the ending so stupid I wouldn't have trusted any message or life lessons coming from them. And I liked reading/watching dark stuff as a teenager, as a way to deal with the very intense inner turmoil I was dealing with - and I turned out fine ! Meanwhile I've seen several times women in very shitty relationships being obsessed with positive energies and stories ; they were so terrified of their life not being perfectly wholesome they ended up being delusional about their own situations.

Like personally I think the Darkling is a compelling, interesting, alluring character and also a manipulative, murderous piece of shit and that Alina should get to punish him (like in a sexy way) - but he's also the end result of centuries of war, oppression and trauma and reducing that to "toxic wounded boy" feels kind of offensive ngl ESPECIALLY since the books don't offer any kind of systemic analysis or response to oppression beyond "the bad guy should die" and "now the king/queen is a good guy our problems are solved!!!!"

In Lives of the Saints, we see how Yuri is abused extremely badly and almost killed by his father, and so when his father dies when the Fold swallows Novokribirsk, he thinks the Starless Saint has saved him. Later in KoS/RoW he's turned into this fanatic who explains away all the Darkling's crimes. The other followers talk about how the Starless Saint will bring equality for all men. Then the Darkling comes back and actually thinks his followers are pathetic, which feels again like a very pointed message to his IRL stans. Which is absolutely hilarious to me. Like oh no, if he was real he would not like you and think you're pathetic ! Yeah ...but he's not. Real. Damn right he would not like the fics where Alina puts him on a leash. I'm still going to read them. What is he going to do about it, jump out of the page ? Jfjfjjdhfgfjfj

Anyway I think the intended message is "assholes will use noble political causes for their own gain and to manipulate people" and "being abused/oppressed is not an excuse to behave badly." Which. Sure. But that's kind of like...a tired take, honestly ? A big number of villains nowadays are like this ; either they've been bullied as kids, or they're part of an oppressed group, or they have "good ideals but too extreme". This is not surprising because a lot of mainstream heroic narratives present clinging to the status quo as Good and change as chaotic and dangerous. And like sure in real life people often do bad shit because they're wounded and in danger. But if you want to do a story like that, you have to do it with nuance, talk about cycles of violence, about how society creates vulnerable people to be exploited, about how privilege gives you more choices and the luxury of morals, etc. The Grishaverse does not have this level of nuance (maybe in SoC a little bit but definitely not in TGT). So it kind of comes off as "trauma makes you evil" and "egalitarianism is dangerous" and "if you're abused/oppressed you're not allowed to fight back". And ignores the fact that historically, evil generally comes from unchecked privilege.

I guess my point is that there are many things I like about LB's writing, she knows how to create these really exciting character dynamics, and the world she has created is fascinating. But these stories are not a great starting point for imparting moral lessons. And her best characters tend to be, at least in canon, the morally grey ones. I hope one day she'll be at peace with the fact that she wrote the Darkling the way she did and leave his fans alone but in the meantime I'm just not going to take this whole thing seriously I'm sorry

#darklina #the darkling #alina starkov #aleksander morozova

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marvelobsessedteenager · 4 years ago

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All The Hurt - Chapter 2

Pairing: Peter Parker x fem!reader

Warnings: ANGST, Peter was an ass, reader is a hurt and petty bitch, fluff to make up for the angst, curse words, lots of “coincidences”

Word Count: 4.1k

A/n: The amount of love I've gotten is absolutely incredible. Thank you guys for the support! Enjoy :3 -----------------------------------------

Flash had suggested driving both him and yourself to Liz’s house, and you agreed, simply because car rides with him were more fun. You got there earlier than anyone else, giving Flash time to set up his DJ equipment and speakers while you helped Liz and Betty set up the lights, food, and drinks.

Not an hour later and the house was full of people that you knew and didn’t know, but welcomed anyway. Everybody walking around was having a good time, drinking soda out of a red solo cup and dancing to Flash’s party music. You would be lying if you told yourself your eyes weren’t examining the dance floor for a particular bed of curls.

In your mind, you knew there was no way Peter knew Spider-Man. You saw it in the way he told everyone he did today at the gym. His left hand was wildly shaking — a clear telltale of nerves you’d figured out long ago.

Something else was bothering you, though, even if you didn’t want to admit it.

That bruise. You knew for a fact Peter wasn’t a fighter, mainly when it came to bullies - words or actions. He never retaliated, which is why people considered him an easy target. You wouldn’t put it past him to allow himself to get beaten up, but you would have known if that’d happened. Flash was definitely his number one bully, but he wouldn’t dare lay a finger on Peter, and neither would any of his friends, especially since they all knew your history with Peter.

They were all bark and no bite, which meant that there was another explanation for it, but for the love of God, you couldn’t figure out what it was.

And speak of the devil.

You smirked as you caught sight of him, worried thoughts vanishing as you weaved your way through the crowd to Flash, whispering in his ear about your discovery. He flashed you a wicked smile, turned down the music, and grabbed the mic.

“Penis Parker! What’s up?” Flash yelled into the mic, causing Peter to freeze and turn to look at Flash, who was pointing right at him.

“Hey, Y/n,” Flash pretended to search the crowd then turned to you, “Where do you think his pal Spider-Man is?” He placed the mic below your lips and waited for your preplanned answer.

“Hm, let me a guess.” You sweetly said, tapping your chin like you were thinking, “in Canada with his imaginary girlfriend?” You raised your eyebrows, eyes boring into Peter’s with fire burning behind your pupils, your brain ignoring your heart that was begging you to stop upsetting him as you caught the flash of hurt that crossed his features.

The crowd laughed and “ooh” ed as Flash played a “burn” sound effect, “That’s not Spider-Man,” He jutted his chin towards Ned, “that’s just Ned in a red shirt.”

You watched him walk away from the giggling crowd, fuming, and you bumped your fist with Flash's in victory. He turned up the music, and you made your way to the dance floor with your friends, as you swayed your hips to the loud tune. Your group sang loudly to the songs, and though it was deafening and off-tune, you never felt freer than when you screamed the lyrics with them.

At some point, your voice started sounding raspy, and your throat was begging you for some sort of liquid to heal the ache. You excused yourself from the group, walked to the kitchen and grabbed a solo cup, filling it with cool water and chugging it down.

But, of fucking course, someone had to ruin your night and your favorite white dress by bumping into you and spilling coke on your outfit. That someone was a girl with piercing blue eyes and brown hair — someone you didn't recognize. It was clear she didn’t go to Midtown considering she squeaked an apology and ran to her friends, who glanced back at you and immediately dashed out of the house.

Great.

You would ask Liz for another dress, but you weren’t exactly tight with her. You’d also ask your friends to take you home to change, but as you looked at them jumping around and bobbing their heads to the music, you figured they were having too much fun, and you didn’t want to ruin it.

You would normally call your driver, but you hadn’t had the chance to set up your new phone just yet.

Sighing, you grabbed your denim jacket you hid below the counter earlier, put it on, and began your journey home on foot. Your house was located about thirty minutes away from Liz’s, which wasn’t really a big deal for you.

About fifteen minutes of strolling in silence and kicking any rock that caught your eye, you passed by a playground that looked familiar. It was the very same playground you and Peter would play in when you were children. You’d take turns pushing each other on the swing, and when you were old enough to do it yourself, you would both compete to see who’d go higher and who could jump off the swing the farthest. It always resulted in an injury, but you two always laughed it off, especially when Jane would run over worriedly with a first-aid kit.

As you went into your early teenage years, you’d meet at the playground alone and climb to the top of the dome climber with different (and disgusting) flavored milkshakes, exchanging it with each other every now and again, and watch the river flow peacefully.

The same river in which Iron-Man is flying out of with Spider-Man in his arms.

Wait, what?

You snapped out of your reverie and did a double take before you quickly dove into one of the many bushes, the quick rate of your heartbeat becoming a distraction from the fresh cut on your exposed neck from the sharp branches.

You could see everything that was happening in front of you, but not necessarily hear everything. Your wide eyes curiously peeked over the bushes, watching as Iron-Man placed Spider-Man on the dome. And maybe it was your hearing, but you swore you knew the high pitched voice that was exaggeratedly saying something.

You saw Spider-Man tug his mask off and wring it out, which made the back of his head incredibly visible. Brown hair. Or maybe black. It was too dark to see the difference. You debated moving a little closer to hear the conversation.

Deep down, you knew it wasn’t right. Spider-Man was entitled to protect his identity. But you could keep a secret. Besides, maybe this could be the moment you’d thank him for saving you. You doubted he’d remember what he did, but you’d never forget.

So, you crept a little closer to make out the words, despite your gut telling you you shouldn’t.

“What were you thinking?” Iron-Man asked in a way that made you believe Spider-Man was in trouble.

“The guy with the wings is obviously the source of the weapons, I gotta take him down!”

Wait. That sounds like-

“Take him down now, huh? Steady, Crockett, there are people who handle this sort of thing.” Iron-Man said, waving his arm around.

“The Avengers?”

“No, no, no, just a little below their…pay grade.”

“Anyway, Mr. Stark, you didn’t have to come all the way out here, I-I had that. I was fine.”

But that was all you could hear. Because as the conversation went on, the gears in your head begun turning, the dots seemed to connect faster than you could comprehend.

The strange bruise on his jaw after it was shown on the news that a certain superhero fought robbers at the bank across Delmar’s. Him running out of school once it was over. The fact that he left school for two weeks and mysteriously came back. Him ‘allegedly’ saying your name when he saved you. All the times he ditched you in the past were the same times Spider-Man was on the news for a heroic saving. You remembered because you’d send the news to Peter. The “Stark Internship” excuse wasn’t real.

But this was.

Peter Parker is Spider-Man.

Peter Parker saved your life.

The amount of information was loud. So, so, loud. You couldn’t hear the bickering that went on. A rush of emotions went through you. The first was rage. Is this it? Is this is his reason for letting you go? He couldn’t have just been honest and told you? You bet he told Ned. But he couldn’t tell you, could he?

But just as quickly as it came, your anger left you, instead being replaced with worry. You hated to admit it, but you were worried about him. How could he go out there every day and put his life on the line like that? What about his wounds and injuries? Did he suffer through those alone? Or did May help him heal?

Does May even know? Does anybody know?

Lastly, panic, and that was the strongest of them all. Holy shit, you thought, I just found out that my ex best friend and former crush is a superhero. He shoots webs out of his hands or something and sticks to walls and saves strangers and fights criminals and-

And Iron-Man is flying away.

And Spider-Man is walking in your direction.

I need to go.

As soon as you turned around, still crouched but ready to fucking bolt, you accidentally stepped on something hard, and you had to bite your tongue to keep your hissing inside. Once the pain slightly subsided, you looked downwards and moved your head closer to the object. A loud purring sound was emitting from it, and if there was anything in this world that screamed danger, it was this.

You were careful to pick it up and examine it. In the middle of this..machine was a bright purple stone and it was fucking glowing. You looked around you and caught Spider-Man muttering something to himself right before an obnoxious ringing made its way into your ears, prompting you to cringe and put your hands over them as you crouched.

It’s the same annoying fucking ringtone as Peter’s.

You waited for him to move a little farther, and when he did, you peeked from behind the bush. He had just closed the phone and continued his walk. You didn’t know if this thing was a bomb or something explosive, so throwing it in his direction was already ruled out. Besides, he was already beyond throw distance. You knew the safest way to get it to him.

You knew what to do. You hated that you did, but you had to do it.

Maybe hearing him talk to you would confirm or deny your hypothesis. Anybody could have brown hair, a high-pitched voice and the same ringtone as your ex-best friend and be a superhero that saved you two weeks ago.

You took a deep breath to calm your hammering heart from ripping through your ribcage and escaping. “I hate my life,” you mumbled as you rose and followed him with your heart still beating out of your chest, almost sure it was louder than your barely audible footsteps.

Don’t trip, don’t trip.

When you got close to him, close enough to tap him on the shoulder, he quickly turned around and got into a fighting position with his fists ready to punch. You were so shocked that you dropped the object and backed away with your hands up, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy. ”

Upon seeing a citizen (that he knew too well) he dropped his stance, “S-uh..sorry. I-I thought you..uh..” He cleared his throat, “Sorry, ma’am. How can I help you?” He said, very clearly thickening his voice and awkwardly placing his hands on his hips.

But you knew that sound anywhere.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. It is him.

You attempted to swallow the lump in your throat as you felt it clogging your ability to breathe.

“Uh, hi. I’m Y/n.” You mentally smacked yourself. He already knows you, dumbass.

Should you tell him he knows you, though? Should you tell him you know him? No, what? You vehemently shook your head.

“A-anyway I, um, found this-” You picked up the object and turned it around in your hands, “-on my way home and I think it’ll help you? I don’t know, it’s definitely not man-made, I suppose. I’m not exactly an expert but I thought you’d be and you just so happened to be in my neighborhood and I am, too, and this thing is glowing and-”

His spider..eye..thingies were as wide as saucers, and it was only now that you noticed you were rambling. Your cheeks flushed, and you immediately cursed at your body for betraying you.

This is worse than tripping.

“Sorry,” you looked down at your shoes, "I babble when I’m-“ Nope. Not letting him know you’re nervous. Not that he doesn’t already know. You found yourself regretting telling him all your triggers and quirks in the past, because right now, you couldn’t tell whether he could figure you out or not.

He probably could, though.

This night just kept getting worse. Pack it up already.

You cleared your throat and straightened your shoulders in the most confident way you could, “Here,” you outstretched your arm to him, waiting for him to grab the foreign object, but all he did was stare, and stare, and stare. You didn't really know where to look, and you didn't know if he was gazing at you or not, but before you could say anything, he snapped out of whatever he was in and took a hold of the object. You tried not to think about his masked fingers that grazed yours.

“Thanks, uh, Y/n.” He said, not as intrigued by the object as you thought he’d be. Instead, he seemed to be looking at you. Or behind you. You still couldn't tell. You were too caught up in the way he said your name. It felt strangely familiar, and comforted you for a moment. It made you feel safe and wanted. Loved.

Before the memories reminded you of what he’d done.

“Sure,” you nodded, slowly backing away, “um, see you...around.”

“Yeah.”

As you turned on your heel to continue your trip home, he pipped up, “Oh, um, would- do you want me to walk you home? It’s really dark out here.”

You entertained the thought in your head for a second. "What could possibly happen if he walked you home, besides guaranteeing you safety?” Your heart spoke.

"Oh, I don’t know, you could accidentally blurt out that you know him, and then things will get even more awkward than they already are.” Your brain fought back, stubborn as ever.

Yeah, you’re definitely just going to pass up his offer.

“I’m, uh, I’m good. Need a little time to myself.” You nervously chuckled, wrapping your arms around yourself, “Thanks, though, I appreciate it.”

“Yeah.” He repeated, shifting his weight from one foot to another as he watched you walk away from him.

Like he’d done to you.

The rest of the fifteen minutes passed by faster than you anticipated, but maybe it was because you were too preoccupied considering you just confirmed your ex-best friend was a fucking superhero with fucking superpowers. As the confirmation made its way into your brain, you noticed that the signs were right beneath your nose, but you weren’t observant enough to figure it out. They started before he left you.

How did it start to begin with? Has he always had these powers?

Wait, no. Because Spider-Man wasn’t always around. And even if he really did have them for a long time, why leave you now? It must’ve been recent, you concluded.

But how? How does one go from an ordinary, lanky teenager to a robust superhero who can stop a speeding bus with his bare hands?

As one question was answered, another one took its place. The list just kept going and going, without a clear sign of it stopping.

In all honesty, you thought the videos that popped up on your YouTube recommended page of a web-slinging human were staged. In your defense, he seemed quite small to be a hero, and it wouldn’t be the first time some kid tried to fool the world with “a new superhero". You remember sending it to Peter and asking him if he thought it was real.

He never answered.

You hadn’t realized you were standing on your porch, staring at the overly large mahogany door in front of you. You sighed and took out your keys, placing them in the lock and twisting it.

You were lucky today was the beginning of the weekend. You wouldn’t be able to face him after seeing what you just saw. You didn’t know how to feel. You didn’t know what to do. Should you let him know that you know?

Should you let anyone know that you know?

That was the worst part about this whole thing. You had no one to turn to. No one to talk to about this, and there definitely wouldn’t be a wikiHow page on how to deal with something like this.

So, you ruled it out. One of the choices was obviously keeping the secret to yourself and not telling Peter you knew his identity. It would keep things from getting too awkward to handle and would keep him safe.

The other choice, the really horrible one, was to let everyone know. A part of you was still mad at what he’d done. You mean, he didn’t even try to apologize as he should’ve. That evil part of you, the hurt part, wanted revenge — wanted you to ruin Peter like he did you.

You knew people would believe you if you told them. You knew they’d find their ways to figure out if it’s true or not. But for some reason, you were hesitant. Yes, Peter ruined your life. Yes, Peter broke you in ways you believed were beyond mendable.

But Peter was also the boy who gave you his last Iron-Man bandaid when you scraped your elbow the first time you met. He’s the boy who pushed your bully and got punched in the face for it when you were ten. He’s the boy who saved your life the other day - the boy who saves dozens of strangers every week.

It was clear which option was better.

Keeping his secret didn’t mean you forgave him, though.

After everything, you didn’t know if you allowed yourself to forgive him. Part of you wanted you to, pleaded you to for the sake of moving on, but the more stubborn part of you remembered the pain you went through; the nights you spent crying yourself to sleep, the newfound insecurities of not being enough for anybody, the fear that others will leave you behind like he did.

Hell, you had a locked note in your notes app that contained a long speech about how you felt — about how he made you feel. The one you were to send him — but ended up deleting.

You groaned and rubbed your head, feeling an oncoming headache from the questions. You stayed in your house that weekend, trapped with a racing mind and no answers to slow it down.

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You started noticing Peter act differently towards you when your freshman year of high school was close to ending. It started off with him rescheduling long-awaited plans and then showing up late, but you didn’t mind. He had told you he scored an internship at Stark Industries, and you swore you’d never felt prouder in your entire life.

He informed you that he could be called in at any given moment, which was his reason for leaving in the middle of your hangouts. You understood, and so, you encouraged him to do so.

But then, as time went by, you noticed a change. Instead of postponing the plans, he’d cancel them all together and wouldn’t make up for them. And sometimes, in the rare occasion in which he did postpone them, he’d stand you up, keeping you awake until you were on the brink of sleep.

He apologized multiple times for doing so, blaming it on the time the internship took for him, and you let it go, even when it became a pattern to leave you stranded.

You were okay with it.

Until it became too much.

During lunch, you could never find him, which ended up with you eating alone. During the only class you shared with him, he’d zone out while you were talking and completely ignore you. You’d normally come out of your last period ready to see him standing by your locker to begin your journey home, but he stopped being there, and you would walk home alone.

Texts and calls went unnoticed, and you felt the barrier he had placed between the two of you grow higher and higher as the time passed by.

What bothered you is that it was just with you. He acted completely normal around Ned. You often saw them chatting and laughing while you watched from afar, heart breaking into two as you wondered where you went wrong. You inspected every text message you sent and every conversation you had, often staying up late re-reading it until you reached the top. You just didn’t understand what happened.

One day, you approached him after school, running after him as he bolted through the school’s gates into the outside.

“Hey!” You called as you caught up to him and grabbed his arm, which flexed beneath your grip. You sighed and slightly loosened your grasp, “Can, um, can we talk?”

Peter visibly gulped, hesitantly nodding as his eyes bounced around your figure, never looking at you.

“Peter.” You ran a hand through your hair, carefully choosing your next words as to approach this topic cautiously, “What’s going on with you? You..you’ve been acting weird and distant. D-did do something?”

“I’m not acting weird,” Peter said, almost offendedly, quick to defend himself.

“Peter we haven’t hung out in weeks because you’ve been canceling them.” You retaliated.

“I told you, I-it’s the internship.”

You frowned, heart clenching at the tiredness that seeped into his voice, “I know.” You gave him a small smile, hoping for one in return, “I’m your best friend. I’m always here for you, you know.”

“I-“ He sharply inhaled, scratching the back of his head with his shaking left hand. “I don’t want you to be.”

Your smile instantly dropped, feeling a painful nudge in your stomach, “What?”

“I don’t..this isn’t working, Y/n. We can’t be friends anymore. I’m done.” He said. And so easily, too.

I’m done, he’d said.

Your heart stopped for a moment, taken aback by his bluntness and the harshness that came with his words, “What? Why? N-no.” You denied, "You’re just gonna leave? You can’t do that, I..What did I do?”

“Nothing. It’s just..it’s just better this way.” Peter visibly gulped, looking around the streets like he wasn’t standing there, breaking your fragile heart into pieces while you were trying your hardest to not fall apart right in front of him.

Dignity was still a thing. But so was your friendship.

“I can’t fix this if you won’t let me, Pete.” You pleaded, hoping he’d admit that something was wrong - that it wasn’t you that he was pushing away, that there was a reason for him doing so. You could fix this. You could.

“There’s nothing to fix. I don’t want to be friends, that’s it.” He shrugged, shuffling backward, getting ready to make a run from it.

“No,” you stopped him, grabbing his hand softly, despite the tears that already ran down your face, “There has to be a reason! Y-you can’t just leave like that! Give me a reason! WHAT DID I DO?!”

When he didn’t respond, you gave his loose hand a squeeze and wiped your tears with your sleeve, already feeling stupid for the amount of vulnerability you were displaying, especially when you weren’t getting any sort of reaction out of him besides coldness.

“Peter. Peter, please, just l-let me fix this.” You said, voice cracking, "You’re all I have left. Please don’t do this.”

You were begging. You knew you were, but you couldn’t let him leave without putting up a fight. You were a step away from begging on your knees, but you didn’t. You were able to stop yourself from doing so, but you still believed you could get through whatever this is - you were so sure of it.

But you never did.

And you swore he had ripped your heart from your chest, stepped on it, and nonchalantly walked away, leaving you to deal with the pain of the heartbreak on the sidewalk.

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#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst #peter parker x y/n #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fanfic #tom holland x reader #tom holland angst #spiderman #spiderman x reader #marvel

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masterweaverx · 4 years ago

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RWBY Parents from Best to Worst

That’s right, everybody, I’m a-going to rank how terrible these people are to and for their kids! For the sake of covering as many parents as I can, I am defining ‘parent’ as either ‘legal guardian’ or ‘the one that gave birth to you’, and excluding relationships that are explicitly something else. That does mean that we’re going to miss out on some very important people, though, so before we begin, let’s have some Honorable Mentions!

Yang Xiao Long and Winter Schnee: Professional Momsisters

“That’s why big sisters come first, to protect the ones that come after.” I don’t know who said that to these two, if anybody actually did, but it’s a quote that most definitely applies to them. Not only would they take a bullet (or a sword, or a fireball) for their younger siblings, they took the time out to give them affection and training that they needed when their own parents weren’t quite doing the job. If I absolutely had to rank one of them as the better momsister, I’d say Yang, but that’s really only because Yang had less to deal with overall; a depressed single dad not being able to pull himself together just doesn’t stack up with an abusive powermonger, a self-loathing drunkard, and all the institutional bigotry and pressure of Atlas. Plus, you know, Winter went into the military for a bit. Still, pretty good track record considering!

Klein Sieben: Doing the work of seven good dads

Look, there is only one reason Klein wasn’t listed before the momsisters, and that reason is that he is technically the hired help (and could therefore become the fired help). He is, hands down, a better surrogate parent than Yang and Winter, providing guidance and care to all the Schneeblings and very effectively undoing the damage Jacques Gele (HE DOES NOT GET TO BE CALLED SCHNEE!) did to them. And he even helped out Willow! If he was allowed to do more, he would absolutely be My Real Dad of the year.

Qrow Branwen: “The only one that gets to be sad in this house is me!”

Qrow has a lot of flaws. Like, so so many flaws. As Yang said in a noncanon spinoff, he’s cool but not exactly a role model. Thing is, you don’t have to be a role model to be a good parent--you just have to make sure your kids (or nieces in this case) get good advice and the opportunity to grow into the best versions of themselves they can be. And when Qrow’s not beating himself up or drowning his sorrows, he’s actually very good at helping Yang and Ruby. Honestly the only reason he’s not on the actual list is because he’s technically not a parent.

Uncle Copper: Adopting a blind kid automatically makes you cool

So here we have a character that appeared in a single flashback in the novels, but from what we do know he was pretty likely to be a good guy. Like, raising a blind kid is hard enough; raising a blind kid in a desert after their actual parents got nommed by sand is so, so much more difficult. And yet, this guy said ‘If nobody else is going to adopt this kid I will!’ and by all measures he was a very caring and loving guy. Also, shout-out to the tribe, who took Fox in after Copper got killed by some maniac (and also killed said maniac). Fox has had a rough life, but it’s been filled with supportive people. Not everyone can say that.

Starr Sanzang: She put up with Sun

Sure, she’s only had one scene in one novel, but Starr showed patience and caring and... probably did a lot to make sure Sun stays as aggressively cheery and patient as he is. Plus she’s got a dojo in Vacuo now... okay, I’ll be honest, I don’t know nearly enough about her to really assess her. Still, as far as cousins go, Sun Wukong could do a lot worse. And there are the implications of their motifs to factor in...

Rhodes: If you’d done even just a little bit more--!

So, reasonably, what would you do when you see a little girl enslaved with a shock collar? Would you (A) get the girl out of there, (B) arrest the woman doing it, (C) try to get the girl therapy, or (D) all of the above? If you picked (E) secretly train the girl in swordplay so she can join a huntsman academy when she comes of age, then congratulations! You’ve given her hope! Good for you! And what if she snaps after five years of literal torture, kills her abuser, and then turns to you for comfort and/or approval? Welp, obviously she’s an irredeemable criminal and you have to bring her in, crushing all the faith she had in you and herself.

Seriously Rhodes, dropped the ball hard on that one. I’m only mentioning you because you had such a serious impact on Cinder’s development.

Brother Gods: Creating and destroying entire species

Like, okay. Look. These are the two that made humanity, so an argument could be made that they’re humanity’s parents. But, by the strict and arbitrary rules I have selected, they aren’t parents. And even if they were, they would be just the worst sort of parents possible. Darkbro is bad enough, what with viewing only strength as valuable and creating the Grimm and, you know, annihilating humanity that one time, but he’s at least honest and honorable. Not like the cryptic Lightbro, who doesn’t bother making sure people understand him, who doesn’t even keep his own promises to his brother... I get that they’re basically overpowered children. Yeah, they are. Still... kinda terrible.

So, now that that’s all done, let’s get to the actual list! After the break, so you don’t get stuck scrolling a lot. RWBY parents, from best to worst, are as follows:

23. Saphron and Terra Cotta-Arc: Two moms are better than none!

If I’m rating all the parents, and I am, then I have to acknowledge their flaws. And... these two don’t have any! Okay, fine, they used Adrian in a criminal scheme that one time (and that was literally just asking him to cry on command) and maybe Terra’s overworked and, to be fair, parenting a young kid is a lot different than parenting a teenager. But not only did they support their kid, they helped out all the kids that needed to room with them for a while! Saphron may also qualify as a momsister, depending on how well the Arcs managed their massive-numbered horde of kids. Look, the point is: Excellent parents. Bam.

22. Yatsuhashi's Parents: Their slipups weren’t their fault

When your kid can wipe your memories and you don’t know about it, you’re bound to get a few mistakes down the line. Luckily for everyone, after the whole incident with Hiyoko Yatsu came clean, and his parents made absolutely sure that he understood (A) that having such an ability was a big responsibility and (B) that even though he really screwed up he was NOT evil. Given the man that Yatsuhashi is now, I’m pretty confident in calling them great parents--even if they only appeared in a book flashback.

21. Coco's Dad: He exists!

That’s... honestly all I really know about him. He’s mentioned once in the books, and Coco has a few brothers. I’m kind of just assuming he’s a good parent from that, even if he didn’t figure out how to help Coco with her claustrophobia. So... yeah, shrug, Coco’s got a dad.

20: Ghira and Kali Belladonna: Actually marvelous people

Loving. Caring. Mentoring, protective. You may be asking why these two aren’t lower on the list, given that they are absolutely great for Blake, and I’ll have to admit that they only really made one slipup--letting Adam talk with Blake.

And okay, look. The thing about people like Adam is that they don’t start out showing their true colors. It’s always a slow, gentle broil. Blake was young and stupid, Adam was cute and edgy, and these parents want their daughter to be happy. So not twigging on what Adam really was--or at least not being able to properly convince Blake--that’s entirely understandable. And they did instill her with a strong enough moral code to leave when enough was enough, and they absolutely welcomed her back with open arms. Frankly, if the lower-listing parents didn’t exist, I would happily say they are the best parents in the show.

19. Pietro Polendina: He took Penny’s death flags

When you carve out part of your literal soul to bring your girl back from the dead, you get MAJOR parenting props. And even beyond that, Pietro is an absolutely caring and supportive father to everyone’s favorite bundle of sunshine. Even when she’s put in the rough position she was in, Pietro did his best to help her out. His one big flaw, though, is being overprotective and a bit presumptive. He does want Penny to live her best life, but he also can be just a touch too quick to say he knows what’s best for her. To his credit, when he’s called out on it, he does mend his ways. And he’s at least better then the GENERAL...

18. Salem and Ozma: Good parents, surprisingly!

Sure, Salem decided that world conquest was a good idea and wanted to put down anybody that wasn’t directly from her bloodline. Sure, she psychologically manipulated her husband when he had doubts. And, being fair, it’s highly likely that her four daughters were killed in the crossfire of her and Ozma’s little tuff. But! That was likely an accident, she’s been shown to still clearly mourn their passing, and before that point she absolutely loved and adored the girls. Ozma gets points for being a generally good person who fell in love with her before she became unstable and, honestly, was just trying to help his girls escape... and hey, he blames himself for their deaths. As does Salem.

Just because they’re kind of directly responsible for a LOT of Remnant’s woes doesn’t mean they aren’t good parents!

17. Will and Meg Scarlatina: Estranged but loving...

Yes, I know Rooster Teeth hasn’t officially confirmed that Bill is Will. I still believe though! Also it makes for a great picture, in any case.

Look, you can be the best and most loving parents ever--and from what we saw in the novels Will was definitely loving--but if you split up, your kid is going to get a little stressed. And hey, it’s not like these two were terrible people! Velvet’s just got a lot going on because of things entirely out of her control. Parents are people too, but sometimes the stress of one situation will leak out into another. Just... give people time to adapt.

16. Nicholas Schnee: The man, the legend, the titan!

Nicholas Schnee is the rockstar success story of Remnant. Some guy from Mantle put in all the work to make the SDC, and honestly from what little we know about him he was probably a great guy! But if we’re registering parental goodness, well... he wasn’t quite smart enough to warn Willow away from abusive gold diggers, and he’s not present when the story starts. So, yeah, even if he was a good parent otherwise--and I think he would be--he kinda... didn’t put in the work to prevent Willow breaking later. Still. Not deliberately terrible!

15. Li and An Ren: Don’t die in front of your kids, folks!

Seriously, it traumatizes them, especially if there’s a Grimm assault going on at the same time. Oh, double-especially if you reassure them that everything will be fine literally the second before the roof collapses on your head. And... well, okay, you couldn’t help your son and some random girl being the only survivors...

In all seriousness, that whole situation was absolutely out of their control. And before their deaths they were shown to be loving, wise, giving good advice to Lie Ren and helping him understand what the right thing to do was. Honestly, if they hadn’t died in front of him he’d be a lot better, mentally speaking. His trauma is not their fault. Plus Li went out distracting the big Grimm so Lie could run. No greater love hath man, indeed.

14. Summer Rose: Loving mother, ticking trauma bomb

When she was around, Summer Rose was probably the best mom Yang and Ruby could ask for. Sure, everyone could be exaggerating a little on how great a person she was--fond memories and grief can do that--but even taking that into account, she was probably a great and wonderful woman to be raised by. And hey, it turns out the reason she vanished was to go confront basically the Devil Herself so her kids wouldn’t have to live in a world where she existed! I can totally get the logic behind that.

And to be fair, “I’m going to do this on my own so nobody else suffers” is a pretty common character flaw among the RWBY cast. There are entire arcs where each character learns to overcome it. Still, wandering off on your lonesome without telling anyone was not the smartest move, Summer. Especially if you expected to die--which, you know, Devil Herself, high probability. And you know, if you had died, that would be bad enough, but now Ruby’s practically certain to have to fight your grimmified self. At least she figured out what happened to you before Salem decided to hammer in the trauma button, so she’ll be a little more ready, but... seriously.

13. The Arc Parents: Look, you try juggling eight kids!

To be fair, neither Arc parent has appeared on screen, but we can derive some of their traits from their kids. Jaune’s father said women like confident men. Jaune’s mother said strangers are friends you haven’t met yet. Jaune’s sister moved out of the house and (it’s implied) was happier for it. Jaune himself took his family’s ancestral weapon and ran off to Beacon to become a hero without any training whatsoever....

I get the impression that these two are not horrible parents, but they aren’t really stellar ones either. They slip up, don’t understand their children, give some really bad advice (as well as really good advice), and... look, it’s kind of middle of the road here. The Arcs could be wonderful people that just weren’t ready for the complexities of raising eight kids. I come from a big family myself, I know it can be stressful. And their kids turned out well anyway, so...

12. The Mother of Pyrrha Nikos: You taught your girl too well

Hero complexes are funny things. And Pyrrha Nikos... in retrospect, she was really hiding a lot of insecurities under that facade. Laying it all at this woman’s feet is unfair, I’ll admit, a lot of that came from being The Mistral Champion. But... with stories and fairy tales of heroes, it’s not hard to imagine a genuinely loving mother making sure her daughter knew right from wrong, always knew to act with mercy and protect the weak, and made her hardline into being a hero at the cost of her own... sense of self. It wouldn’t even be something either of them noticed, really. Good people can make bad choices sometimes.

11: Ilia's Parents: Oh god, can good people make bad choices...

So the idea of getting Ilia up to Atlas for a better life, that rocks (if you assume the propaganda to be true). And I’m certain her parents absolutely did what they did out of love. But what they did, you see, was tell Ilia to hide a very important part of herself from anybody who could find out, since it was likely she would be kicked out of the school she was in if people found out she was a faunus.

Which actually, did a lot of damage.

I mean look at Ilia now! She has trouble expressing herself until she explodes, she follows a crowd instead of her own morals, she broke down in tears when she finally did the right thing... Conceal Don’t Feel is never good advice, and these two went on and said ‘Honey, because of racism, you have to hide the fact you literally change color when you have emotions.’ Oh, and then they died offscreen--again, not their fault, but boy howdy did it give Ilia a complex.

10. Taiyang Xiao Long: Slumped at just the wrong time

Honestly, Tai as he is now is a wonderful dad. Supportive of his daughters in their time of need, able to lift their mood with a tasteless joke or two, frankly if we were assessing just how they were in the moment... I’d still be a little critical of his refusal to talk about the girls’ mothers, but hey, that’s minor. Compared to, you know...

Okay, so this needs serious addressing. Taiyang cannot be blamed for falling into a depressive slump. People can hurt, and need time to heal. That said, his depressive slump is at the root of Yang’s many issues, and frankly if she hadn’t had to pull herself together for Ruby she would be a major mess. It’s a bad situation all round, even if it’s not his fault.

9. Willow Schnee: “Kids, don’t wind up like me.”

Drowning her sorrows isn’t the best way to handle being stuck in an abusive marriage, but it was the best way Willow could think of. And, yeah, that really cut into her skills as a mom... but despite that, she did her darnedest to make sure her kids had what they needed to free themselves. Heck, once Jacques was out of the picture, she even pulled herself together and risked her life to save them! A broken women, to be sure, but not a shattered one.

8. Neptune's Mother: She exists!

Being fair, there’s not a lot to go on here. We know Neptune’s mother is a lawyer (insert evil lawyer joke), that their family are famous swimmers, and that his brother caused his hydrophobia by tossing him into the water. It does paint a bit of a picture, though, of everyone having expectations for Neptune that he was not able to live up to. Pretty poor parenting, if it’s true.

7. Nora Valkyrie's Mom: Come get your girl!

Literally the only factoid we have about Mama Valkyrie is that she abandoned her to the Grimm. We don’t know when this was, and it’s feasible it’s a case of ‘Oh No I Lost Track Of My Daughter In The Panic!’ But given we see young Nora scavenging for scraps of food... I’m not optimistic on her parenting skills.

6. Raven Branwen: "I wasn’t part of your life, how could I ruin it?”

Raven is just not a good mom at all. And, surprisingly, she seems to know it. Or that’s one interpretation of her character. The thing about Raven is that she plays her cards close to chest. We still don’t know why she left her daughter, and we only have inklings about the reasoning behind her behavior once they reunited. In the end, though... she did concede to Yang, she did apologize for something, and there’s a very deliberate indication that a lot of her behavior is a mask to both others and herself. So, terrible mother, for the moment, but self-aware.

5. Salem's Father: Explicitly noted as cruel

We get a bit more about Salem’s father from ‘Fairy Tales Of Remnant’, how he became possessive of the last remnant of his wife and locked her away in a tower. From what we know of him, that’s all he did--lock her away and not let her go. Still makes him a terrible dad. And with this, we transition firmly into the most definitively abusive parent figures. Everyone before this might have the excuse of not realizing what was going on or having their own damage, but now we’ve got parents actively deciding to make their kids’ lives worse.

4. Jacques Gelé: HE DOES NOT GET TO BE CALLED SCHNEE!

His children are property, to be manipulated and traded for the benefit of the company he married into, and any defiance is to be quelled instantly. He is manipulative, scheming, abusive, and frankly the worst sort of scumbag to ever wear a white suit. He does have the single redeeming quality of only leaning into the punishment if it benefits him; nobody would ever accuse the man of being needlessly cruel. His name is Jacques, and you will hate him... especially on the rare occasions he actually has a point.

3. The Marigolds: There’s no peppy tagline, they’re just mean

There’s not a picture of these jerks on the wiki, so you’ll have to make do with the woman that is no longer their daughter. See all that empty space around her? That’s about as close as they ever got. May spells out how much they hated her for having a heart, and how little they cared about her as a person, in one epic line. And even if they have other redeeming qualities (unlikely) we can tell they’d probably still be terrible parents because of how sleazy May’s cousin is. Honestly, for once I’m glad some characters don’t get pictures. They don’t deserve to be remembered. They aren’t even the cool kind of evil, they’re just... gross.

2. Marcus Black: Look if you train your kid to be a killer...

...you’re going to have to expect them to kill you. I mean, you basically ripped apart Mercury’s legs, man. He had to get cyberlegs. Also, you used your semblance to steal his. Which, given that semblances come from aura, and that aura is a manifestation of the soul, is kinda... that’s a deeply personal and intimate violation. Sure, you got your assassin kid. And can we talk about the fact that Marcus was an assassin? It’s not a pretty job. I guess I can see all the abuse--physical and mental--as a good way to train up another assassin, but... geeze, if that’s your goal, why did you use your own kid?! Why not hire some angsty teenager?! Yeah, no, Markus Black stood high on my list of parental monsters... and was only toppled by the arrival of one other.

1. Madame of the Glass Unicorn: She only appeared in one episode and she rocketed to the top of this list, that should tell you something

Let’s be clear here: What Madame did to Cinder is bad enough. It was literally slavery. Enforced by a shock collar. And because the collar looked like a necklace, she pulled it off in front of I don’t know how many clients. Granted, said clients were racists, why else would they be customers at a ‘We Do Not Serve Faunus’ hotel, but keeping her torture just out of the public eye very clearly shows both that she knew what she was doing was illegal and that she was clever enough to avoid detection.

Oh... and then there are her birth daughters.

With Cinder, she was abusive to a dangerous degree. With her daughters, she was permissive, not only allowing but encouraging them to bully their adoptive sister. The whole point of parenthood is to teach your children how to become the best version of themselves, but Madame didn’t even bother to instill a semblance of morality in these girls. She used them as extensions of her will, and they obliviously played along because that was all they knew.

You’d think the biggest monster on the show would be the Grimm woman, but no--it’s some random lady with a hotel.

#RWBY #Analysis #Ranking #I had the urge to make this #Feel free to disagree #Some of this is opinion-based

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scrawnytreedemon · 3 years ago

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Shit I’ve Been Winding Up For A Long Time Now But Am Very Aware Will Probably Hold No Relevance Should I Actually Go Into This More--

This is about Bhunivelze.

You know, when I was chilling out, on my bed, that evening on that half term in early June, deciding to check up on ClementJ64′s FF retrospective because-- Hey! It’s been awhile, I wonder if he’s got around to doing the final bit of the FFXIII saga --You know, I was there, chilling, just for a laff. Just a laff.

The rest of that week was spent spiralling into a hyperfixation I absolutely did not anticipate in any way, shape, or form, because the way they introduced that character was “wwhdhfjjhHJDFJKHKJHW H A T??”

That retrospective and a good amount of wiki-scrounging is all I have as a basis for this. This is not a coherent character analysis-- Though I might tag it as that for ease of access. This is not, by any means, the thoughts of someone deeply familiar with FFXIII on the whole beyond plot synopses and overarching themes.

I don’t think I’m brave enough for that.

Reading the vast yet surface-deep lore on those wiki pages on my birthday while in a delirious state of mind was enough to make me somewhat nauseous.

Do you think I’m going to go through all of that in real time?

(Someday, someday.)

Ugh, I don’t know how to begin, but let us, I guess. I’d recommend you read this church-mime-demiurge’s FF Wiki page if you want the same level of base-knowledge I had, and maybe the aformentioned retrospective if you want the experience, because I don’t think I have the wherewithal to get into all of that from the bottom-up.

I am also, so, so fucking sorry for any remaining FFXIII fans in advance. There is like, a good chance I may be butchering the characterisation completely, so bear with me here.

With that... we begin?

Where do we even start with this guy?

How on earth to you begin to explain the absolute monolith you’ve constructed from crumbs of a Guy, some material no doubt spliced in from the Pale King, Sephiroth, y o u r o w n G o d O C and other characters, and the mountains of religious trauma you carry around at all times that is probably the only reason you’ve been able to latch on as hard as you did?

I’m going to try.

What gets me, in summary, about Bhunivelze is how he’s a prime example of how love and concern can become deadly forces if in the wrong hands. His first acquainting with human emotion was by deceiving and possessing Hope, reverting his body to a teenage state, and planning to live among humanity through him. He sees human sorrow and suffering, and decides that, to End This(because it must be ended, you see) he’s going to destroy all the souls of the deceased that make up the Chaos that’s been eating this world for the past five-hundred years so they all forget and Are Happy. :).

Capital G God here hasn’t been present for the vast part of human history because he’s hidden himself away from Everything due to paranoia from killing his own mother and throwing her body into the Cosmic Basement, THEN creating the beings that would come to create humanity and OTHER beings because he didn’t have the keys to the cosmic basement. And also he believes death is a thing because she’d’ve somehow cursed all things to pass(including him) out of Spite.

Which explains why he’s so fucking averse to it and anything to do with it.

Bhunivelze, to put it lightly, is Shit at stepping into others’ shoes and Getting their experiences-- All the FalCie in FFXIII are, but him especially. It’s clear(again, in the f u c k i n g JP--) that he makes attempts to sympathise with them and does what he can to help, but it’s with such a loftiness and a complete inability to Understand why anyone would want grief, The Worst Fucking Experience In Existence, and even less why they’d be willing to Go Up Against Him And HisThe New Perfect World just for it-- And what would it matter, anyway, forgetting their loved ones. It’s not like you can grieve lost memories, right?

Right.

It reminds me of when at the end of the story of Job in the Bible, where, after putting this man through hell on earth, God rewards Job by giving him ten new children to make up for the ones that he lost. I. And that’s fucked! Nothing can replace the sheer uniqueness of each individual person you loved so dearly! But if you were a nigh-omnipotent deity high and mighty, with a cursory, almost mechanical knowledge on the functionings of the human psyche, that would seem adequete; enough.

Bhunivelze is doing that on a cosmic level.

I now want to get onto the romance: that being, his affections for Lightning. I don’t know how much I’m going to say, but it’ll probably be alot. It’s something that hits very close to home.

There is this... thing, within certain branches of Christianity, perhaps even in those of various Abrahamic faiths, where God’s love is posited to be the love-- The ultimate, most-fulfilling, all-encompassing love you could ever imagine --Because, well, he is love, so the story goes, and so often the best way to convey that is through the imagery of...

Marriage.

Giving up yourself so completely, to serve, to be the Bride; to be bound by him for all eternity; and for there to be no higher bliss than this.

This angle is pushed on young girls and women the most; from the mere parallels to the woman’s role in marriage, all the way down to downright-horrifying ultra-Evangelical purity pacts. With men, God is your dad, your best bud and confidant, your boss, your king, your this, your that, and the ‘marriage‘ as it were is relegated to a sort of half-thought; a metaphor.

For me, God was an attempt at all that, and my arranged groom.

(It was almost incestuous; was incestuous, that my own Divine Father would reach for my hand in marriage.)

Bhunivelze experiences Emotions™ for the first time through Hope, experiences Hope’s sheer overwhelming admiration for Lighting(whether there were any baby-crush feelings mixed in, I can’t say), and promptly falls into a nigh-romantic obsession with Lightning, deciding that she will be Etro(his all-but daughter)’s replacement, will be his Goddess of Death to-be-- He even calls her as such, before the final boss-battle--

...In the JP.

What happened in localisation, probably due to a number of factors, all the way back in early 2014, was that everything emotionally challenging about Bhunivelze was scraped off, like it was extra fat, and tossed aside, leaving us with the bland, clichéd shell of a foe-god we’ve seen time and time again. And I mean everything. I mean his very love for humanity; the fact his ploy was, in his eyes, to save them. Because if they’d left that all on, then it would raise the question of even if there was such a seemingly pure, all-knowing, loving being hell-bent on setting things “straight,“ would they truly be unquestionable? Would we have the right to fight for our humanity in the face of the Creator of the Universe?

To reject a love so personal?

That’s what gets me about FFXIII’s tackling of God, no matter how hackneyed and poorly-executed. It’s personal.

It’s from a feminine experience.

I know that terming is... vague, and problematic, but the way Christianity and much of the video game industry handle femininity itself is weird and problematic, so as it stands, I’ll have to simplify it. Apologies.

What sets FFXIII’s Let’s Kill God™ plot aside from most JRPG Let’s Kill God™ plots is that with our protagonist being a woman, and one who is very in touch with her femininity alongside her sheer strength; often, in these stories, God is reduced to Yet Another Foe, expected or unexpected, and you are tasked with taking him down unquestioningly for the Good of Mankind-- You will fight God, because you are right to, and you will go man-to-man-to-however-many-men you decide to bring along for the bloodbath.

And that just, doesn’t speak to me.

Even as an Extian.

Especially as an Extian. And an AFAB one with a deeply complicated experience with my gender, at that.

Leaving Christianity was painful. Questioning God was painful. Coming to terms with the fact that I had been mentally, emotionally, and spiritually traumatised under the guise of All-Encompassing Love was so, so fucking painful. I had been taught since I was five years old to devote myself to him, spent my life desperate to feel something, anything, to stay connected because I just, I never could Feel It on a deeper level, never could Give Up Myself, all I was, couldn’t Die A Spiritual Death And Be Reborn As His Eager Vessel, thus deeming myself to be worthless and a broken vessel for years and years on end... And for all that to have been... Nothing.

Lightning is hollowed out, the shards of her dead sister ripped from her in-stasis, leaving her emotionally numb for the majority of the game, Bhunivelze sweeps it under the rug, pretends he’ll perform a miracle and return Serah to life in exchange for her compliance, then sends her on her way to do his work, all the while knowing he’s going to pull said-rug from under her and elevate her such dizzying heights in the aftermath--

That he’ll deny her humanity.

Sand down all the rough edges that make her her, and polish her up afterwards, gild her as he is gilded, make her a Goddess.

And he’ll do it all because he loves her.

You can’t fight God like you can everything else. To fight It is the fight Existence Itself; FFXIII even conveys that by making Bhunivelze’s model part of the arena; it’s baked into the fabric of the game, no matter how minute.

While Lightning Returns is far from perfect in its execution of this concept, and that in itself makes me wince, not even taking into account the horribly botched excuse for a localisation Bhunivelze endured, it speaks to me more than anything else I’ve seen so far.

And it’s helped uncover some things within me. Helped me untangle them, just a little more.

So, yeah. I have alot of Thoughts on Bhunivelze, I want to share them, and I’m kinda really sad I have no one but my currently-absent friend Vee to share them with. I could get into alot more, like his very Fucked relationship with familial bonds, and how Lightning’s role as saviour so deeply parallels the overwhelming panic and never-ending guilt of Evangelical proselytisation, but I think I’ll leave those for another time.

In short, Bhunivelze is the epitome of Divine Love gone deeply wrong; on all fronts.

And if all of that isn’t enough to intrigue you, then, in Vee’s words, Lightning and Velze are literally canon endgame Sefikura lmaOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--

#ffxiii #lightning returns #bhunivelze #analysis #scrawny speaks #scrawny rambles #this was written on and off over the course of a couple months #i know this will only get two notes #if even that #but fuck it i love this guy and i'm going to puke words for his sake #religion mention

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writerofthecourt · 4 years ago

Text

magician’s vow

pairing: suna rintarou x reader

summary: the sequel to beautiful illusionist

warning: slight time skip spoilers, some swearing, slight alcohol consumption

a/n: inspired by the songs lemon and eine kleine by yonezu kenshi. i wanted this sequel to be a lot more introspective and suna-focused. i hope you guys enjoy

EDIT: the series’ masterlist can be found here

“I like you.”

“…Eh?”

Suna watched in amusement as you stared back at him with confusion swirling in your eyes. He could practically see the gears turning in your head as you slowly processed his words before your pretty face started to heat up in embarrassment.

The two of you were currently sitting on the bench, lost in the flow of your own conversation as the other Inarizaki volleyball club members all lounged around the gym, trying to catch their breaths before they had to return to their grueling practice.

“Since when?” you inquired, shyly peeking at Suna through your lashes.

“For a while now,” he admitted with a shrug. The tall middle blocker couldn’t help but grin in response to your now timid smile. He found it hard to look away, enamoured by the sparkle of your eyes and the cute expression on your face.

“I-I like you too,” you stuttered out, turning to fully face Suna.

“So it’s a date then?” Suna asked as he tried to mask the undertone of eagerness in his voice.

You only giggled before answering his question with an enthusiastic nod. “Yeah, it’s a date!”

Suna frowned as the memory came to an end. Sitting alone at the dining room table, he rested his head on the back of the chair and loosely held a can of beer in hand as he waited for the alcohol to take effect. It was times like these where Suna cursed his high alcohol tolerance.

He used to take pride in it back when he and Atsumu would visit home and go out drinking with Osamu at the local izakayas. He would laugh at Atsumu’s inability to handle his alcohol after only a few drinks, but now Suna found himself envying the blond idiot, as all he wanted was for the numbness to consume him.

He had broken up with Minami nearly two weeks ago, the day after you had left him. It was a messy break up, if Suna could even call it that. There was a lot of screaming and cursing involved, with Minami eventually handing in her resignation letter. Suna would have guessed that she got tired of being around his presence, and he would say that the feeling was mutual. He could no longer stand the sight of Minami, not when all she did was remind him of his regrets and failures.

Taking another gulp of his beer, Suna’s thoughts soon turned to you and the baby. Were you okay? Were you safe? Was the baby healthy? All these questions lingered in Suna’s head, repeating over and over again like a broken record player.

Despite his best efforts to contact you again, it seemed as if you had just disappeared off the face of the Earth. Your number was disconnected, and you were no longer working at your company. It was almost as if your very existence in Suna’s life was nothing more than a beautiful, fleeting dream, and now that you were gone, he was only left with his memories of you.

A series of loud knocks on the front door soon brought Suna out of his pitiful thoughts. Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, Suna set down his beer and lethargically went to answer the door, squashing the faint glimmer of hope in the back of his head telling him that it could be you.

“Oi, Suna, open up! I know yer fuckin’ in there!”

The hell? Atsumu? Suna thought as he reached for the door knob.

Opening the front door, Suna had no time to say anything before the door was violently pushed back by an angry Atsumu, his brother standing not too far behind him.

“Yer a real bastard, y’know that?” Atsumu snarled as he pushed past Suna and stomped his way into the living room. Osamu simply said nothing as he glared at Suna before following after his twin.

“Well, hello to you too,” Suna drawled out sarcastically. “It’s only one in the morning, but would you like some tea? Some snacks to go with it?”

Closing the door behind him, Suna made his way into the living room as well, only to see Atsumu pacing around in circles, while Osamu silently stood next to the couch. After some more pacing, Atsumu angrily grabbed at his dyed locks before pointing at Suna with a scalding glare.

“I trusted ya! I fuckin’ trusted ya!” Atsumu shouted furiously. “When ya came to me and ‘Samu asking for our blessings, I believed in ya! All she did was love and care for ya, and this is how ya repay her?!”

Unable to respond, Suna could only hesitantly look away in shame. He couldn’t retort and sass Atsumu back like he usually would. The blond said nothing but the truth.

“‘Tsumu, calm down,” Osamu sighed in exasperation. “Yer gonna wake up the whole damn neighbourhood.”

“Calm down? Calm down?!” Atsumu asked hysterically, turning to his brother. “How can I stay calm after what he did! Aren’tcha angry, ‘Samu?!”

“Practically seething,” Osamu said sharply. “But do ya really want someone calling the cops on us for a noise complaint?”

As the brothers began to get into their own argument, Suna spoke up bitterly, trying to save face. “I don’t see how it’s any of your guys’ business. [Y/N] is a grown woman. She can handle herself.”

The twins promptly stopped their argument after Suna’s bold claim, silently redirecting their gazes to glare at him. Osamu was the first one to move, marching up to Suna with a dark look in his eyes.

“None of my business, huh?” Osamu asked mockingly before he delivered a harsh shove to Suna’s shoulder. “Were ya there to pick her up from the train station when she arrived in Hyogo in tears?”

Shoving Suna again, Osamu continued his barrage. “Were ya there to comfort her as she cried, thinking that her relationship failed because she wasn’t good enough?”

Another shove. “Were ya there to listen to her while she confided about how absolutely terrified she is to raise a child all on her own?”

With one final shove, Osamu had Suna stumbling back into the wall, his arms crossed rigidly as he pinned Suna in place with a seething glare.

“The moment ya fucked up, it became my business,” Osamu grounded out through clenched teeth.

Suna could do nothing but stare back at Osamu, unable to find the right words as he continued to suffer under the harsh scrutiny of his former classmate. He could handle Atsumu’s loud hysteria, but Osamu’s cold and calculated jabs only made Suna want to wither away in guilt.

“Out of respect for whatever friendship we have left, I’ll give ya one last warning,” Osamu stated coldly. “I won’t stop ya from seeking her out, but know that the moment ya do, I will be there to stop ya. Ya will never—ever—hurt [Y/N] again, and if ya do, I will absolutely destroy ya.”

With those last chilling words, Osamu silently marched out of the house, leaving a stunned Suna and Atsumu behind in his wake.

“W-what he said,” Atsumu stuttered, suddenly terrified of his brother’s newly established rage. Quickly making his exit as well, Atsumu soundly shut the door behind him as he left Suna to think about what had just happened.

Suddenly feeling exhausted, Suna slid down to the floor and ran his hands through his hair. He reflected on how fucked up his life had become and how he had no one to blame for it but himself.

Suna sighed as he locked the front door behind him before going through his usual routine of hanging up his jacket and slipping off his shoes. It was late at night, and he had just returned home from a game against the MSBY Black Jackals. It was a tough match, a highly anticipated one, and now that it was finally over, Suna couldn’t be any more relieved.

For the past few days, this game had been the talk of social media in the world of volleyball, with the fans being beyond excited to see two highly skilled Division 1 teams face off against each other. However, for the tall middle blocker, the recently concluded game only served as an awkward and bitter reunion between him and a certain blond setter.

“A whole year later and he’s still acting this way,” Suna mumbled as he thought back to Atsumu’s clipped formalities and passive aggressive remarks. “But I guess I can’t really blame him.”

Making his way into the house, the gloomy ambiance and empty hallways that greeted Suna were an all too familiar and tragic sight. As he stepped across the genkan, Suna couldn’t help but hear the faint and nostalgic sound of your voice, reminiscent of swaying wind chimes as you welcomed him back after a long time at work.

“Welcome home, Rintarou!”

“I’m home,” Suna said numbly.

Walking into the kitchen, Suna poured himself a glass of water before taking a seat at the dining room table. As he dropped his heavy gym bag onto the floor next to him, a thud rang out before everything returned to silence once again. Suna sombrely smiled, finding an odd sense of comfort in the loud noise. It made the house seem less empty now that you were no longer here to occupy the halls with your joyous laughter.

With nothing but his thoughts to keep him company, Suna began to wonder if this was how you felt as you spent those long, lonely nights waiting for him to come home. As his mind thought back to all of those missed dinners and late night practices he had lied about in order to spend time with Minami, his chest only filled with more dread. He truly was everything Atsumu and Osamu made him out to be.

Suna frowned before quickly finishing off his glass of water. Placing it into the sink, he picked up his gym bag and headed off towards the bedroom to retire for the night. After a quick shower and change of clothes, Suna lifelessly lay in bed, his hand outstretched as his fingers mindlessly traced up and down the cold bed sheets. His mind was restless as various thoughts and questions occupied his head, keeping him awake despite his physical fatigue.

What were you doing right now? Were you thinking of him?

As Suna rolled over to cross his arms over his eyes, the little self-deprecating voice in the back of his head added to the flame. It mockingly told him that he had everything he could have ever possibly wanted in life, so why did he throw it all away?

Sitting up to lean against the headboard, Suna knew that there was no use in trying to fall asleep at this point. His mind was too cluttered, and it raged on like a violent storm of regret and desperate longing. Turning to his bedside table, Suna switched on the lamp and reached into one of the drawers to pull out a torn and weathered envelope. Despite its sad state, it was an item that brought him immense hope and comfort.

Taking out a letter and photo, Suna found himself smiling as he gently traced the letter’s familiar handwriting before he began to read it.

Dear Suna-san,

I know this letter is a little bit unexpected, but I felt the need to write to you. How are you? I hope that you’re eating well and taking good care of yourself. It’s been a year since we parted ways, but it still feels so strange to be back home in Hyogo. At first, my parents were disappointed to learn we had broken off our engagement due to…personal reasons, especially considering the condition I was in. However, I am happy to report that they were still very much supportive of me in the end. I’ve recently started my new job at a local department store, and I’m also planning to move into a bigger apartment soon. So please, don’t worry about me. I’m doing just fine.

I heard from ‘Samu that the two of you are still not on regular speaking terms. I’m sorry about what happened between you, him, and ‘Tsumu. I never wanted to get in the way of your friendship like that…I hope one day that the three of you can all be friends again. Despite how much you always complain about those two, I know that you also deeply care about them.

On a happier note, there’s someone that I want to introduce to you. His name is Akio. Isn’t he the cutest?

Switching to the attached photo, Suna couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at the proud grin on your face as you cradled a sleeping baby close to your chest. Your hair was a mess, and your eyes seemed more tired than usual, but Suna still thought that you looked breathtakingly beautiful.

He was born only a few months ago, but he already takes so much after you. ‘Tsumu was absolutely devastated when he tried to hold Akio for the first time, and Akio just wouldn’t stop crying. I guess it runs in the family, huh?

If I’m being honest, I do miss you sometimes…but I’m also too scared to see you right now. Will you even read this letter? Have you moved on with your life and forgotten about us? About me and Akio? All these doubts and questions keep running through my head, and a part of my hopes that you have moved on.

I’ve met someone new. He’s very kind, charming, and funny, yet in spite of all these things, I still can’t help but feel guilty, almost as if I didn’t try hard enough to keep our little family together. Despite everything that has happened between us, I continue to hope and dream that we can still someday be a family. I don’t think that we can ever go back to the way we used to be, but I do want you to be a part of Akio’s life. I’m still not ready to see you right now, but please wait for me and Akio. When I find the strength to do so, I’ll come find you, Rintarou.

Sincerely,

Miya [Y/N].

Suna only smiled, unbothered by the tears that escaped his eyes as he finished reading your letter. He proceeded to fold the piece of paper back up before pausing to look at the photo of you and Akio one last time. As he continued to gaze at the photo, Suna’s eyes softened, and his heart began to fill with love and adoration. He truly was a fool to have ever let you go.

Returning everything to its proper place, Suna curled up into the blanket, feeling at ease for the first time since he had arrived home. As he closed his eyes, Suna patiently waited for the day to come when he could finally welcome you back into his life. Perhaps not as a lover, but as a friend. For both you and Akio, he was willing to wait a whole lifetime and more. Drifting off to sleep, Suna slept soundly for the rest of the night.

fun fact: akio’s name is written with the characters for ‘bright/luminous, male’, and [y/n]’s new boyfriend is bokuto. it started with atsumu, and it ended with atsumu

taglist: @itsjuliaaa

#suna rintarou x reader #suna x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu reader insert #suna rintarou #miya osamu #miya atsumu #beautiful illusionist

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kenmasgameboy · 4 years ago

Note

May I ask for 61 and 2 were Iwaizumi cheated on the reader, and Oikawa knew but never told the reader even tho they were best friends. And she leaves them behind. Cause fuck cheaters. Angsty angst please!

bruh the way this shit made me FEEL WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU UGH im SAD. also i ended up writing SO MUCH for this omg. I loved this prompt a lot more than i thought i did. I think i put into it what i wish i said to my ex who cheated on me with my best friend. fuck!! cheaters!!

TW: arguments, long distance relationship, cheating and betrayal, swear words.

2. “When did you stop loving me?”

61. “You don’t smile anymore.”

┏━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━┓

You had known these boys for ages. Looking at Oikawa and Iwaizumi made you feel like you were home. Iwaizumi, the man that would send you into the heavens and make you feel safe beyond any amount of doubt. You don’t remember a time when you weren’t in love with him. You don’t remember a time when you weren’t with your best friends.

But recently things are different. University made everything hard and it was like a wall had been driven between you and your happiness. The first year was the hardest, you would call Iwaizumi every night or every other night in the pain of being so far away from someone you loved so much. You’d keep things under control though, you never wanted to worry him. You thought you knew him, that if you exposed how you really felt he’d march down there in an instant. But then somewhere around a month or two into this, he stopped answering. He’d still text you in the mornings, so you didn’t give it much thought and instead turned your attention to your best friend, Oikawa.

Both of them were on the other side of the world from you. Oikawa was away in Argentina, and he still made time to talk to you. Iwaizumi was all the way in California, just doing university and not a university student and a professional volleyball team like Oikawa was. He was a completely different person than you used to know.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Oikawa looked over at you after about a 5-minute long pause of silence in your conversation. You were staring at your phone. You took in a deep sigh. Iwaizumi hadn’t texted in two days.

“Nothing, I’m sure it’s nothing.” You brushed it off, trying your hardest to hide those tears that threatened to sting you and fall down.

“You can tell me, right? Is it something at school? Have you made any friends?” Oikawa asked you. Reaching his hand out and laying his head against his bicep.

“A few.” You shrugged.

“Y/N-chan, I don’t want to sound like Iwa, but I’m worried about you. You don’t smile anymore. Have you thought about going home for a few days?” He offered as a possible solution.

“I don’t want to go home if you guys aren’t there.” You grumbled, “But I was Hajime’s thanksgiving break is coming up next month, I was thinking about surprising him since I know he’ll have a week off with nothing to do.”

“I’m offended you aren’t coming to visit me!” Oikawa whined.

“I will when you finally give yourself a break!” You teased, “Plus, honestly he hasn’t texted me in days. I know it sounds stupid, we’ve been together for years, but I feel like I need to see him. Something just doesn’t feel right.”

“I think you should. But maybe you should tell him you’re coming before you go?” Oikawa suggested. Fiddling with his hair in between his index finger and thumb.

“No way, that takes all the fun out! You said it yourself you hadn’t seen me smile recently. This will give me a reason to smile. Once I go there and we figure everything out, I’ll have my reasons again. Just please don’t tell him! I don’t want to get his hopes up and if I suddenly can’t afford it or something then he’d be disappointed.” You begged your friend, and he solemnly nodded before needing to leave.

You kept to your plan. You got on that long flight to California, landing alone and getting a uber to your boyfriend's apartment. You were so thankful you guys swapped sharing locations before leaving, it made this so much easier. You got to the door and fixed yourself nice and pretty before pulling out your phone and recording. You wanted to keep his face of surprise forever.

You knocked on the door, but the person who was surprised was you. A woman opened the door in a towel. Your face dropping.

“Is this Iwaizumi’s apartment?” You had one last shred of hope in you, you had one last string of hope in you. Please, anything but this.

“Oh my god! Wait you’re Y/N right? Hajime and Tooru always talk about you.” She smiled widely, offering her hand to you, “I’m Jess, I’m his girlfriend. He didn’t say you were coming by.”

“Babe, who is it?” You heard the love of your life's voice coming from the shower. You stopped recording on your phone.

You couldn’t control yourself, you pushed the woman in front of you to the side before she could answer for you. You ran into his bathroom, your tear-filled eyes meeting his through the shower curtain.

“Surprise.” You said your heart being smashed to pieces on the ground as you meet his face. His eyebrows raised, his body limp. He knew he was caught.

“Y/N.. What are you doing here? No, no wait.” You tried not listening to him, you walked away. Not wanting him to see your tears fall anymore, he didn’t deserve that side of you anymore.

“Wait, who the fuck are you?” Jess asked you on your way out the door.

“She’s my fucking girlfriend.” Iwaizumi called from behind you. Following you into the street in nothing but his gym shorts.

“Stop, Hajime! I can’t even fucking look at you!” You couldn’t help but raise your voice.

“Y/N, please I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You weren’t supposed to find out like this–” He grabbed you by the wrist but you just ripped it away from him.

“Don’t touch me! Are you fucking serious? What did you think I would say? I knew you were distant, I didn’t know if it was the timezone or what but now I understand.” It took all the strength in you to stand and face him. Your body running on the adrenaline of the betrayal and anger that coursed through you. “You fucking asshole. 4 years for it to end like this? I loved you so much. I wanted to marry you! You couldn’t have at least broken up with me like a man when you find a new girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend– I don’t know why she told you that, babe I don’t want this to end–” Iwaizumi tried coming up with absolutely anything to say to you. The truth was he hadn’t thought about what to say at this moment. He’d replayed it in his head multiple times when he laid with other girls, at some point he convinced himself he could get away with it. That maybe he’d never have to tell you. Obviously, that dream came down in a crumbling wave of hurt and disappointment.

“Don’t you dare call me the same thing you called her. Like it even matters if you called her your girlfriend or not! It’s obviously been going on for some time. So tell me, Iwaizumi, when did you stop loving me? I need to hear it so I stop being so blind in the future.” You choked out the last bit of your words, tears fell into your mouth. You were sure you looked the ugliest you’d ever looked. It embarrassed you, but you needed to know. After this, you’d never see him again.

“I–I can’t answer that.” Iwaizumi was crying in front of you. Rubbing his eyes on the back of his wrists. “I still love you–”

“No you don’t. Iwaizumi, you feel guilty. That’s not love. I want to know how long, was she ever there when I was calling you because of how badly I missed your voice.” You refused his confession. His eyes widened, you couldn’t tell if it was the realization or the way it hurt to be rejected by you. Either way, his silence was enough to answer for you at that time.

“Did Tooru know?” You asked next to his lack of response.

“What?”

“You’re girlfriend said you and Tooru talk about me a lot. So both the closest people in my life lied to me, right? They lied to my face.” You asked him again, wanting to speed this up and get the hell out of there. He hung his head. You let out one last hiccup of pain.

“I asked him to, I told him I would tell you myself. Don’t be mad at him–” Iwaizumi begged you this time but it was too late.

“If he were a real friend of mine he should’ve told me, but he chose his side. When you stopped answering I was on the facetime with him every day. He had plenty of chances. You’re too late, Hajime. Tell Oikawa that I’m never speaking to either of you again. I’m blocking your numbers and I’m going back to Japan the next chance I can get.” You backed away, your head hanging. You didn’t know if you had any more hot tears to shed. They burned your cheeks. You hung your head down, trying to drop them onto the street instead of on your cheeks.

“Y/N... Please...” He begged weakly, his arm extending to touch your shoulder. He tried to bring you into his chest but you put your hands out to his chest. Your skin felt like it was going to fall off, he didn’t give you the comforting feeling of love and home and happiness anymore.

“No. This is the last time you’re ever seeing me.” You said it, looking into his eyes one final time. You could never do this, you felt like everything had been flushed down a clogged toilet. How would you ever move on from this?

“Where are you going?” He asked you, trailing at your heels.

“Away from you.” You spat, pulling out your phone. You were trying to look for an uber in the area.

“No, please let me take you somewhere safe, this isn’t a good neighborhood! And I know you got a C in English. Please, I’ll protect you, even if I need to follow from further away or something, I can call you someone and we can talk again tomorrow–” Iwaizumi was really trying, he pulled out his own phone and tried to look for something in his contacts list but you refused.

“That’s coming from the person who hurt me the most. You have no place in my life anymore. Just leave me the hell alone.” You said this without looking behind you, “Goodbye, Hajime.”

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jenna’s 5k celebration dialogue prompts!

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purrincess-chat · 4 years ago

Text

Cat’s Definitive Ranking of Every ML Episode as of 4/22/21

Are you guys ready for this? I did the thing. You’re all welcome. Don’t ever ask me for anything again. You can watch me get progressively more unhinged in real time.

Now, just to preface this, I did not give this too much thought. Most of these are just my gut feelings. I went through every episode and just made some snap judgments based off the lasting impressions I’ve been left with. These are my opinions. If you don’t like them, tough. And also I don’t care. Go spend 4 hours making your own damn ranking. And shut the hell up. Anyway, this is probably the longest post I’ve ever made, so I’m gonna put it all under a read more. Click on it if you have an hour to read it. Okay, here we go!

1. Origins II- Good starting point for our heroes. Good establishment of canon ships and character dynamics. Umbrella scene literally stole my wallet. Cannot emphasis enough that I am whipped for the umbrella scene. I wrote a whole ass AU just to say how whipped I am for the umbrella scene. In the Rain will play at my wedding. Jk. Weddings are for suckers. But dammit if I don’t want these kids to get married. 10/10

2. Origins I- Good introduction to lore. Good introduction to characters. Good establishment of status quoyo. Just good. 10/10

3. Simon Says- Listen, I am nothing if not a shipper at heart. This episode just sparks joy. And the whole series almost ended when Gabriel almost jumped off the roof. I was really rooting for this one. This was the episode where I saw Ladrien and went yes, ma’am, I’ll have one of those. 10/10

4. Evillustrator- Are you all surprised? Cat, the MC-skeptic ranked the pivotal MC episode so highly? Well, let me tell you all a thing, I started this fandom out a MC shipper because of this episode. Their first interaction is gold. I don’t deny that. I enjoy it. This is the MC dynamic I fell in love with. Yall toxic shippers ruined MC for me when you opened your mouths and spat in the face of Ladrien and baselessly declared MC the sin-ship. We all know it’s Ladrien. Stop kidding yourselves. Boy in leather catsuit? Please. Basic ass vanilla bitches. I’m getting off-topic. Solid episode 10/10. We love to see it.

5. Stormy Weather- Baby’s first Miraculous episode. It holds a special place in my heart. It’s a solid episode. Good establishment of what the show is. Fun villain. Good times. Fond memories. 10/10

6. Riposte- Listen, I know I’m an Adrinette stan, but hear me out: Ladrien. It’s just so good. And Kagami was compelling in this episode. It was just really solid. It’s my favorite s2 episode. If you ask me if I want to rewatch Riposte, the answer is always yes. 10/10. We stan.

7. Gorizilla- Okay, so this episode has some solid Adrinette in it, but the real reason it ranks so high is that fucking Ladrien trust fall. I stare at that scene for hours, you guys. HOURS. It is absolutely just *chefs kiss*. Sometimes when I need a pick-me-up, I just go watch gifs of that catch on loop. 10/10. Beautiful. Radiant. Carefree.

8. Gang of Secrets- I have been keeping most of my opinions to myself about s4 (mostly because I’ve backed way the hell out of this fandom), but GoS was pretty solid. Gotta say, it’s the first episode in a long time with this show that made me actually excited to see what happens next. Most other episodes I was like, okay, that was cute. The show is still meh overall. But GoS really got me like oh shit, is ML good again? 10/10 for making me feel things again.

9. Oblivio- Told you guys this one was probably rated higher than I thought. Oblivio is just really fun. There is good Adrinette. That “No wonder I fell in love with you” paired with the softest of Adrien smiles just sends me. And the kisses. The unquestionable trust. These two kids literally woke up together alone in an elevator with no memories and said welp, you’re my boyfriend/girlfriend obviously, I don’t make the rules. Honestly, how anyone could argue that these two dorks aren’t made for each other after that episode is beyond me. 9/10

10. Backwarder- Okay, I know I am weird and alone for this one, but I really liked this episode. It got a lot of shit for the constipation capsule thing at the end, but like who cares? We finally got some more backstory on Fu. He got a love-interest who is dope as hell. This episode is my favorite lucky charm use ever. Like that queen DID that. I like Backwarder, guys! Fuck off. 9/10.

11. Kwamibuster- We all know I am a Marinette-stan by this point, but our girl was SHINING this episode. This bitch said gimme all them and let me go whoop this bitch’s ass, and she DID. Hawkmoth could never. Multimouse is a gift, and Marinette is a boss ass queen. 9/10

12. Chat Blanc- Listen, this episode was very good. I enjoy the idea of my children being happy in another timeline somewhere very much. We got all 4 sides of the square in an episode. It’s just really solid. I know this is the fandom’s favorite, and everyone is gonna shit their pants because it didn’t make my top 10, but this is my list. So, I put it at number 12. It’s good. I like it. It just didn’t steal my wallet like other episodes did. Put the pitchforks down. It’s gonna be okay, you can still love it more than me. 8/10

13. New York Special- I know everyone felt some type of way about this special, but I wasn’t mad at it. My perception of it might be clouded because I watched it in Disney World where I was chilling and having a great time, but like this special really did somethings for me. The Adrinette was top tier. Tippy top tier. Even though they hurt us in the end, I am okay with it because it just means the children will grow and come out stronger. I don’t care if it’s not technically canon. Ask me if I give a fuck. I don’t. I had fun here. 8/10. Solid.

14. The Collector- This one might shock a lot of you, but let me paint you a scene. It’s the first episode of s2. We have just come off a 2 year hiatus. The fandom is thriving. We’re hungry for canon content. We have hopes and dreams and expectations. Everyone is going wild with theories. This episode confirmed something that was long since obvious (in my opinion) and ended the stupid arguments people had been having. It made Gabriel actually seem semi-competent. We got our first taste of how Chat/Adrien will react to his dad being Hawkmoth. We got a peek at their life. Adrien’s isolation and sadness. They were so close to figuring it out. The battle was epic. Like Collector really had them on the ropes there for a second. It’s a solid episode, yall. I’m not wrong. Hate me all you want, but this episode brought it. 8/10

15. Despair Bear- Is this episode up this high because of the Adrinette slow dance scene? YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS. Okay, but fr though, shipping aside, this episode gave us hope that Chloe was actually gonna redeem herself. I mean, she didn’t but, we didn’t know that at the time. Seeing her run around trying to be nice was fun. And then she actually did something good, and we had a moment of okay, she’s capable. We’ll get there. We didn’t. But what a ride this episode was for making us think she would. 8/10

16. Startrain- Cat, you’re just ranking all the Adrinette episodes highest. And? What of it? Are you surprised? You clicked a blog that has simping for Adrinette in the description, and you’re surprised all my favorite episodes have Adrinette? I’m not wrong, you’re just an idiot. The Adrinette nap cuddles aside though, this was a pretty good episode. If you don’t think too hard about the whole space thing, we got a look at Max’s life, his mom is a driven, smart lady doing her best. Adrien rebels against papa for once. Alya stops a Lila scheme. Chloe gets to play the hero. Alya and Nino actually investigate like the heroes they are. Gabriel gets to realize what a dumbass bitch he is. I mean. Guys. Startrain is solid. 7.5/10

17. Sapotis- This one shot up in rank for me after GoS, but tbh it’s always been a solid episode. Alyanette sleepover? Check. Alya becoming a superhero? Check. It’s a fun episode. And looking back, it’s nicely called back to later in GoS. We love it. 7.5/10

18. Sandboy- Idk why I enjoy this episode as much as I do, but I do. Sandboy is a cute bean. I love his aesthetic. We also get hilarious looks at everyone’s nightmares. “Plagg, who turned you into a sock?” cracks me up cause like Adrien, bby, no XD And Chat Noir’s nightmare. I think it would have been interesting though if since Sandboy dusted the Agreste mansion, if we got a peek at Hawkmoth’s nightmares. It would have been a nice hint of plot to go along with Master Fu’s nightmare. Also Plagg giving the akuma the slip like the clever boy we know he is deep down? 7.5/10

19. Furious Fu- If you guys haven’t realized by now that I love Fu, idk what you’re doing. Pay attention. I know that some people don’t like him, but I’m just gonna say it, you’re wrong. Fu took care of the Miracle Box for over 100 years, and this episode kind of gives some insight to what the Order was like. Very strict. Lots of rules. And ya know what, Fu said fuck the police, I’m gonna befriend these little magical demigods, and fuck off! Like what an absolute legend. I was really happy to see him living his best life, and that he and Marianne got married because it’s what he deserves. We love to see it. 7.5/10

20. Gamer- People like to shit on Marinette in this episode, but like honestly, if I were in her shoes, I’d have probably done the same thing if I had the skill. Ain’t nothing wrong with a girl trying to spend time with the boy she likes. And Tom and Sabine being absolute shipping trash. I love them. And the awkward Adrinette. The introduction of the lucky charm that Adrien STILL carries. Wholesome. This was a good episode for their friendship, and we love to see it. 7.5/10

21. Christmaster- Okay, I know a lot of people hated this episode when it aired, but I thought it was really funny? Everyone skidding around in the ice rink was hilarious. If you don’t take this episode seriously, it’s really fun. Chris is pretty cute, and damn right Ladybug is the best kid in the world. Idk. This episode is fun. I’m not mad at it. Sue me. 7.5/10

22. Weredad- What? Another MC-heavy episode in Cat’s top 30? Listen, I don’t hate canon MC. The fans just annoy me. This episode was funny. The secondhand embarrassment and cringe was real. Plagg taunting Adrien because he knows the secret was great. Marinette being a self-saving queen was great. It’s a good episode. I like MC, you guys. I do. I swear! 7.5/10

23. Miraculer- This episode was interesting to me, and I think it’s still a good development episode. For one, Sabrina finally got her own akuma episode named after her. Secondly, because it’s a big step for Chloe, just not in the way we expected. It totally makes sense that Chloe can’t have her Miraculous back because literally everyone knows her identity. Can’t argue that logic. And she is the first person to ever refuse to become akumatized, so like mad respect. I know a lot of people had high hopes for redeemed Chloe (myself included), but I think watching a character fall from revering someone to hating them is also an interesting path. The friends to enemies arc as it were. Idk. I liked this episode. It was an opportunity for Chloe to grow, even if she didn’t in the end, but we’ll talk about that later. 7.5/10

24. Lady Wifi- I like Alya. I feel like I don’t say that much, and people make some assumptions because of MDCSP, but MDCSP is just a concept I wanted to explore. It doesn’t really reflect how I feel about any one character. Except maybe Lila. And Gabe. But every other spite fic I’ve written branching from Chameleon, the class has been fine. Alya has been fine. So, let it be known that I like Alya. Lady Wifi was a fun episode. Putting aside the fact that she thought Chloe was Ladybug for no reason, I like her akuma. I like the interactions we get with LadyNoir in this episode. After GoS, this episode gets a bit funnier. It’s solid. 7/10

25. Dark Cupid- I don’t have much to say about this one. LadyNoir. That’s it. That’s the tweet. Send it. 7/10

26. Volpina- So many things about this episode. It introduced a new antagonist who we didn’t exactly 100% know was going to be an antagonist at the time. This episode sparked a lot of fun fan theories for a while. Who was Lila? How was she going to shake things up? Not to mention this episode gave us a taste of plot and lore, and set up Marinette meeting Master Fu officially. Lots of intrigue sparked from this episode. And that LadyNoir door scene? OOOOOO 7/10

27. Hearthunter- One word: Adrigaminette. This episode was so cute for them! I loved seeing them all goofing and running around together. Adrien and Kagami being absolutely in love with Marinette when her hair is down. They both love her, I don’t make the rules. Not to mention, Marinette takes a big step by letting her friends be happy without her. Kagami not wanting to hurt Marinette. The drama!! Gabriel being a messy ass bitch to his friends. It loses points for the abomination of an akuma, but overall, I wasn’t too mad at it. Yet. 7/10

28. Glaciator- More MC in Cat’s top 30? It’s more likely than you think. Listen. Listen… Listen. MC is fine. This episode was the closest thing to fanfiction that we got. The balcony scene was really sweet. I was drinking the irony. We got introduced to Andre the icecream fraud. Andre the please just give me the flavor I asked for man. I could have done without Chat pouting, but the LadyNoir in the end was pretty good. I wish they’d done more with Ladybug’s feelings for Chat. Had her question herself a bit more after this one, but overall, it’s cute. 7/10

29. Zombizou- A lot of people started hating Mlle. Bustier after this episode, and like I can kind of see it, if I squint, but I did not draw that same conclusion from this episode. Mlle. Bustier just wants good things for all of her students. They’re 14 ffs, she just wants to be a good influence on all of her students and wants them all to be successful. But go off, I guess? Plus, this episode was basically just a spoof on zombie apocalypse movies. We got so many things. Julerose, Myvan, DJWifi. Chloe actually showing some depth and emotion. LadyNoir. We won this episode, babes. Sorry you didn’t get the memo. 7/10

30. Timetagger- Okay. This is the last episode in the ones that I’d venture to call “good.” Number 30. I enjoyed Timetagger. I know people have feelings about timey-wimey bullshit, and like I’m not gonna lie and say I’m thrilled with it either (I mean, I changed the rabbit’s power in MDCSP) but that being said, Timetagger was so sassy. Bunnix was cool as hell. We get to see that LB and CN are still doing the thing in the future. So many questions sparked from this episode. It was fun. Idk. I liked it. That’s all I got. 7/10

31. Malediktator- Okay, from this point on, less comments because this is the section that are more or less just meh to me. Like they’re fine. This episode was fine. Chloe was fine. Chat playing with the laser was cute. 6.5/10

32. Mayura- Adrien’s speech at the end. Nuff said 6.5/10

33. Ikari Gozen- Ryuko/Ryuuko. Gals being pals. 6.5/10

34. Reflekdoll- I talked about this earlier, but I don’t hate this episode. It’s not as bad as people make it out to be. Sue me. 6.5/10

35. Anansi- Nino is the goodest boy. Also I need more of the gang taking Adrien on adventures via Facetime. Stat. 6.5/10

36. Shanghai- This one is new, and tbh I still haven’t watched it with subs, but I had a good time. Fei was cute. The boy squad was cute. Adrien bonding with Great Uncle Cheng was cute. Hawkmoth getting literally dunked on was *chefs kiss* 6.5/10

37. Gigantitan- I love overly supportive, ride-or-die girl squad. 6.5/10

38. Party Crasher- Idk why this episode was funny to me. Kim is the purest bean. We don’t deserve him. 6.5/10

39. Desperada- This episode was an emotional roller coaster, and even though we all collectively hate Aspik’s stupid egghead, we love the Ladrien this episode provided us. 6/10

40. Oni-chan- Listen, I loved seeing Lila get a tiny bit of karma even if she made it up in the end. I loved Chat going off on her. I loved seeing her get outsmarted in the end. 6/10

41. Frightningale- My good lesbian Clara Nightingale. We stan. 6/10

42. Style Queen- I like Audrey in a “she’s the worst person I’ve ever met, I want to travel the world with her” kind of way. She’s funny to me. Idk. I love her firing everyone. She’s the one I love to hate. She’s the worst, but we love her for it. Plus this episode gave us Plagg’s adorable little Cataclysm that destroyed half the city. 6/10

43. Gamer 2.0- Chat confidently strutting in heels made this episode worth it. And we get to see the beginning of Marinette being overwhelmed. Plus it was the return of gamer!nette. 6/10

44. Troublemaker- I don’t hate this episode as much as the next person either. It was fine. Jagged is a manchild, but we love him for it. He’s a Marinette stan which like mood. The Adrinette at the end was cute. I wasn’t mad at it. Idk. It’s fine. 6/10

45. Reflekta- Where are all my Juleka stans at? I loved the LadyNoir banter in this ep. V. cute. 6/10

46. Dark Owl- This episode was fun. And it really shows their level of trust. Plus Plagg and Tikki interacted. 6/10

47. Timebreaker- Have I ever mentioned that I like Alix? I like Alix. 6/10

48. Silencer- I don’t hate this episode as much as you’d expect me to, and that is 100% because of the LadyNoir. 5.5/10

49. Prime Queen- Chat purrs. 5.5/10

50. Syren- I think the fish power-up is adorable. Ondine is a gem. Kim is a pure bean, but we been knew. 5.5/10

51. Befana- I like Gina, but this episode fell flat for me. Almost as flat as the animation. 5.5/10

52. Reverser- Another episode that everyone hates that I am actually fine with. This episode made me like Nathaniel more. Probably because I was previously indifferent toward him. Marc is cute too. 5.5/10

53. Mr. Pigeon- Marinette is one clever girl. And the Adrinette hand-touch. 5.5/10

54. Felix- Felix is a gremlin of chaos. A true chaotic neutral. He gives his uncle the finger, and I think that’s beautiful. 5.5/10

55. Truth- Bet you expected this episode to be higher. While I did enjoy watching toxic people’s world crumble, this episode still gets a meh from me dog. 5/10

56. Lies- The Adrigami was cute, and I respect Kagami as a character. The akuma could have been better tho. 5/10

57. Princess Fragrance- Not much to say here. 5/10

58. Copycat- 5/10

59. Bubbler- 5/10

60. Mime- 5/10

61. Animan- 5/10

62. Robostus- 5/10

63. Ladybug- This episode ranks this low purely because I don’t care about GabeNath, and I hate that Lila won something in the end. But Adrien saying I won’t hesitate, bitch! At the end was nice to see. 5/10

64. Catalyst- I know I ranked Mayura way higher, but Catalyst fell flat for me. Like it was fine. Wasn’t as into it though. 4.5/10

65. Puppeteer- One of my favorite lucky charm uses. 4.5/10

66. Pixelator- My favorite Cataclysm. 4.5/10

67. Horrificator- That almost-Adrinette kiss tho 4.5/10

68. Pharaoh- 4.5/10

69. Kung Food- 4.5/10

70. Rogercop- 4/10

71. Guitar Villain- 4/10

72. Dark Blade- 4/10

73. Bakerix- 4/10

74. Antibug- And now onto the bottom 10. To start us off, I will just say: UGH, this episode annoyed me. First of all, Sabrina didn’t even get her own episode. Chloe was a piece of shit. Idk why they made Ladybug the one in the wrong when Chloe was being obnoxious. Ugh. 3/10

75. Captain Hardrock- I’m gonna be honest. My apathy for this episode has grown into loathing. Toxic stans are 100% to blame. Birthday ruining, bitches. This is the reason I threw a breakup bash after Truth. Yall deserved it. 3/10

76. Christmas Special- I didn’t hate this episode as much as everyone, but it still wasn’t great. 2.5/10

77. Stormy Weather 2.0- This episode was really dumb. It didn’t need to exist. 2.0/10

78. Queen Wasp- Why did we give Chloe a Miraculous after this episode? 2/10

79. Animaestro- Did we really need a self-insert? Did we really? 2/10

80. Puppeteer 2.0- Listen, this episode would have made more sense in s1 or at the very latest early s2. Adrien gave a whole ass speech on how great Marinette is, then he turns around and is like idk if she likes me… Clean it up. 2/10

81. Miracle Queen- I could talk at length about how much I hate the ending of this episode and what they did with Chloe and Master Fu, but we’re just going to remain calm and give it a solid 1.5/10

82. Frozer- This episode made no goddamn sense. I call bullshit on so many things. Just ugh. 1/10

83. Chameleon- Surprisingly, even though this episode sparked many, many spite fics out of me, it’s not my least favorite because at least Ladybug semi-redeemed this episode. Still really dumb and ooc tho. 1/10

84. Feast- Okay, okay, okay, here we are. Bottom of the barrel. Cat’s most hated episode, and you wanna know why? You want to know why this episode fills me with the rage? Because we spent two fucking seasons building up all this mystery and lore and intrigue surrounding Fu’s big mistake, and they dropped the fucking ball! They did my mans so dirty! They could have really deepened his character, deepened the Order, deepened anything other than whatever fucking affair Gabriel and Nathalie have going on, but NO. They made it some stupid, bland-ass thing that got resolved magically in the end, then just ignored it for the rest of the season. I will never not be salty about how they did my boy Fu in this show. I’m happy he found his peace, but fuck if I’m not livid about how they did it. Whatever. Chat being done with Ladybug’s shit when they’re about to get eaten was funny I guess. .5/10

#cat speaks #cat spoils #episode ranking #long post #i'm tired now #i go to bed

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