#guys I personally just want the wildmother to live for like fjord and caduceus

[erandraws]

Guys let’s be honest, this was going to happen no matter what. It was either going to be Ludinus absorbing Predathos, Imogen absorbing Predathos or one of the 500 other exaltants that Predathos (like it literally said) would keep making. It’s like Liam said in the cooldown: they maybe could’ve protected the barrier for a couple of months but what then?? I think the outcome of next weeks fight is going to be the real choice. I think it’s going to be a Delaudna/Lucien fight all over again, trying to keep Imogen present so that she can resist the influence. I’m personally of a belief that they should try and reason with the gods but we’ll see where it goes.

Also, the final fight being a pvp for bells hells sounds just about right

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E111 (Redux! Oct. 13, 2020)

Gooooood evening good evening good evening, all! I started the VOD late for this recap and somehow the first four or so minutes of the show have a Twitch audio copyright claim, so I am reduced to only reading Brian's lips when he asks if we're on the internet. Hilariously, Marisha's background room is a comfy-looking blue/gold fabric wall with a ceramic colorful abstract lamp and a yellow silk scarf over the lampshade, and Taliesin's is an industrial looking games room in grey and black with multiple monitors, overhead speakers, and mysterious metal fixtures behind him. What a treasure this group is, honestly.

Tonight's guests: Marisha Ray & Taliesin Jaffe, discussing episodes 110 and 111 again. I wildly speculate once more about what might have caused their absence: jury duty? Sam appearing on The Masked Singer? Something to do with the animated show? One day, we’ll know, one day... (One day this “copyrighted audio” section will come back from the wars, too. Ugh!) Finally! The audio comes back to reveal Brian discussing the endless reality of digital meetings and Marisha talking about (I think) her glare-reducing glasses she’s wearing. Welcome to the New Age (welcome to the New Age, to the New Age).

Announcements: Marisha suggests checking out Dimension20, another live tabletop gaming group, which premieres live on Wednesdays at 4pm (CollegeHumor). 

Brian immediately wants to know how they feel about the revelation that Molly is alive. Taliesin’s personal reaction: he “knows some things” he can’t talk about and is aware of several possibilities that might be going on, but had a sneaking suspicion that there would not be a body for them to find. He says it’s almost all there for anyone to see in past material. Marisha’s personal reaction: she just wants to know how she’s doing with her theories, & was trying to block Tal’s face out deliberately as she was going off on her theories in the last episode. Taliesin says he thought her ideas were pretty good!

Cad has no clue what to think - it’s like listening to your friends talk about Buffy. Marisha thought it was a 50/50 Molly would still be there, but Beau had no idea. Not that it mattered, because as soon as Matt went through with it the reveal still blew their minds. Tal laid out his plans for the character with Matt during Campaign One (towards the end) after they all got their VM tattoos.

It is a “horrifying and gross” thing to dig up a body, and Beau was pretty reluctant to do it. Tal, as Cad: “Sometimes dead’s better.” The moral quandary of trying to speak with a dead friend was very different here than the frequent occasions they used the spell in C1.

Taliesin says his poker face is very bad, so it’s easier for him to over-react and let it all play out. The only other player he can see very easily from his place in their current setup is Travis, and because he knows Travis doesn’t watch TM, tweet, or participate in social media, he admits he thoroughly enjoyed watching Travis freak out at his freaking out. He says he only knew about 20% of what Matt described at the end of that episode. He was picking things to mug to increase Travis’s surprise. I love this so much.

Taliesin provided the table left leg shake; Travis provided table right. Ha!

Beau is really accepting her role in the Cobalt Soul. It’s good when “as a person, you feel like you can settle into your calling. Sometimes you can do more from the inside than fighting from the outside.” It’s a mirrored but opposite path of Keyleth from C1; Beau felt like she was too good for her duty, while Keyleth thought she wasn’t good enough.

Caduceus is not a big believer in jumping to conclusions. He does have an idea/notion of the “city of the undead” and thinks all this necrotic energy must come from somewhere, and wonders if this is the “capital of anti-death.” He’s willing to believe whatever he sees. This is one of the few things that trigger a bit of loathing and disgust in him. It was terrifying that the Wildmother didn’t know anything.

Beau is pretty confident in her Charlie Day impression laying-out-the-research last episode. She enjoyed taking the things that were known & extrapolating around them; this is a huge facet of Marisha’s own personality and she really enjoys it, so she built a character this time that would allow that kind of puzzle-solving. It’s also why she repeatedly notes when Beau journals, so she can avoid metagaming. Trent’s mention of Vess Durogna’s tomb raiding was completely circumstantial, and the only reason she’d made the connection to the Tombtakers was because she’d recently reviewed those notes for a separate unannounced project. Sometimes she tries to make connections and Matt is like, “It was...just descriptive. Just flavor. The curtains were red...” and she has to discard a paragraph of notes. She feels like it’s still something they have to do because of “look at what he does! Look! It’s totally valid!”

Cosplay of the Week: @kitsunstudios with a gorgeous Caduceus with a very intricate silk vest.

Caduceus’s takedown of Trent! One of my favorite moments in the entirety of C2. Taliesin felt Trent was an asshole; Caduceus felt sorry for him because of how dumb he thought he was. Caduceus’s response was "this is the dumbest man I’ve ever met in my life. He’s so dumb! Is nobody going to tell this guy how dumb he is? Oh, they’re all freaked out. Somebody needs to tell this guy he’s an idiot before somebody gets hurt.” (Marisha: “Before?”) Tal says it was the product of several years of therapy and many drunk conversations with Whitney Moore. It was from a genuine place of concern from Caduceus. “How are you allowed to have this much power and be that dumb?”

Brian loved how funny it was to watch everyone tiptoe around Trent and then Caduceus bulldoze through the end of the meal.

Taliesin: “Damage doesn’t make you interesting or better. It’s not what makes you good. Character isn’t found in damage. Just recovery.”

Brian & Marisha commiserate going through the stage where believing surviving something automatically made you a stronger person, better for the pain; instead it just meant you had to pick up the pieces after. Marisha talks about how strength through survival may be true for some people, but it shouldn’t be considered a necessity. Taliesin talks about how he used to think he had to be miserable to write. Brian talks about how believing he liked reading and writing miserable things only limited him for years.

Marisha feels it’s a C2 theme that almost all the PCs have someone trying to handwave or take credit for their accomplishments or explain their pain as being for their own good (Trent, Beau’s dad, Obann). She thinks it’s interesting to see all the various ways people try to take credit for your work/delegitimize you as a person. She loves that RPGs allow you to explore these odd moralities in interesting ways. The only way to fight it is to have a sense of your own self-worth, which is a problem a lot of the M9 started with.

Caduceus likes everyone, and really likes people who appear to need role models (Eodwulf). “With the right friends and the right bar and the right attitude, I think he’d be okay. Come over here where it’s so much better. That seems like an exhausting friendship that you have there.”

Marisha loves the mix of personalities in the M9; Veth, Cad, & Jester were all “we kind of like them!” after the dinner, and she immediately made eye contact with Travis and they both shook their heads. She knows Beau has to go along with it for Caleb’s sake for now, but she & Fjord are pretty sus of Trent’s proteges.

Beau is less concerned about Artagan’s relationship to Jester because “he showed his ass--she’s less worried about Jester now because a little of the magic is gone.” It’s a little like becoming an adult and realizing your parents are also just adults & human. Caduceus wasn’t suspicious of the Traveler for a long time until they got to the island. Aside: Taliesin loves the pantheon in D&D. “The notion of attempting to apply common Western conceptions of religion to a world where you have a pantheon of interventionist gods as baseline makes no sense to me. Everyone admits that every other god is there and doing shit; it has more in common with ancient Rome than anything else.” Now that he knows it was a con, he feels the wind had been taken out of it. He does have a sense that Jester’s gotten back together with an ex: “I hope that I’m really happy for you.” They’re both interested to see how Jester navigates the new relationship.

My internet goes out, of course. I panic for a second, thinking I’ve lost everything above, but all is well! Thanks, Form History Control addon!

Marisha loved punching Artagan, but regretting rolling so poorly. “I miss violence.” Dani lets us know it’s been about four episodes since the last battle.

There’s no way the Cobalt Reserve doesn’t have a single document on the Eyes of Nine. Beau believes “there are no real secrets” because people are just bad at not writing things down. For there to be no information at all seems really suspicious for her.

Fanart of the Week: @oddalchemist on twitter with some awesome Beau conspiracy red-thread boards overlaid a distant shadowy Molly walking away.

Caduceus feels a little guilty for really enjoying his time right now with the M9 and not wanting to go home. He’s starting to suspect that he’s going to go home very different than when he left. “He has the softest problems. I don’t know if I want to move back in with Mom & Dad.”

Beau is trying to get comfortable with the idea of being happy. Jester is probably Beau’s first real best friend & one of the first healthy female friendships she’s ever had. As long as she still has Jester in her life, she doesn’t care. For Yasha... “At the end of the day, Beau is a lonely person and has always been a lonely person. And I think you kinda reach this point where once you’re not lonely anymore, you can kind of come out of the fog and realize that was horrible! And terrifying! And is even more terrifying now that I know what I could have, and I don’t want to go back to that. At the end of the day Beau doesn’t want to be lonely anymore. There’s always been that flirtation with Yasha, but everyone had to figure their own shit out. And now it feels like it’s coming out a little bit of that haze, maybe this actually could be...” There are a lot of ways they complement each other & are good-different from each other. Marisha believes people can be attracted to more than person at once.

Caduceus doesn’t think nature turned against him on Rumblecusp, it was just a reality of nature being dangerous and violent. “He has a complex relationship with nature.” He doesn’t expect special treatment.

Thoughts on the mansion: “Man, it’s nice to be seen.” Marisha: “I don’t know how I ended up becoming the Scanlan of this campaign, but I’m living for it.” It felt like an echo of “I’m better for having known you.” They compare Marisha taking specific notes on the campaign to Liam taking specific notes on people’s favorite tapestries, comics, etc.

They talk about missing theme parks and daydream a park version of the mansion in CritRoleLand. It’s lovely.

Taliesin never expected Divine Intervention to work; he just wanted to roll some dice. He’s still processing what he saw/heard. They all agree it was very useful in the Vokodo fight.

Vilya! Marisha: “Ah! Ah! Ah!” As a player, Marisha was so deep in Beau’s eyes she didn’t pick up it was Vilya at first (especially since Matt really emphasized they should not be looking for C1 NPCs). Marisha’s brain melted. She bawled her eyes out on the ride home after that episode. Right after it ended, Laura told Marisha “Keyleth finally gets her happy ending,” and it makes Marisha emotional again since Keyleth’s story ended so bittersweetly. She talks about the very real feelings of “just wanting them to be happy, though!” She went back and listened to all her old Keyleth playlists. Everyone was teary after the episode. “Everyone has these 100% real memories of being these characters and having these good times.”

And that’s that for that! Thanks for your patience, all, and is it Thursday yet?

[angelsndragons]

Day 1

Day 1 of the Caduceus Clay celebration week, folks, so you know what that means: I get to gush about my favorite character. I did warn y’all I would word vomit.

So, what does Caduceus mean to me? 

Well.

My brother lives in a separate state and has for several years now. We talked on the phone pretty much every day but we still missed each other a lot. One of the last things he did to me in person was introduce me to D&D. I loved it. It gave me a community away from home and a way to meet new people and form new friendships in new areas. I would tell him all about my weekly game shop adventures, he would tell me about the homebrew campaign he was in online. He also told me about this little show called Critical Role. I, like the dumb oldest sibling I can be, pretty much ignored it, outside letting him talk to me about it and engaging with it secondhand. Then, my brother’s party lost one of their players. They were down to four players and no full casters, just a gunslinger, a barbarian, a monk, and a non-healer warlock. Things started getting dicey. Like, really dicey. He worried with me over how close their fights were getting and how he felt it was only a matter of time until someone legit died and they couldn’t do anything about it. So, I asked, “Well, can you ask them if I could play? You’re looking for someone and we’re looking to try to do something together, it could work out.” Two years later, that campaign is going strong and (thankfully) no one has died yet.

I bring up this context because it matters: I rolled up a level 10 Grave Cleric. I had never played a cleric before but I had wanted to before my game shop sessions fell apart. And here I was, willingly thrown into the deep end of one of the most complex subclasses of one of the most complex classes in the game. And initially, I was not happy with it. Not just because there was a lot to learn but because of sheer mechanics. By rote, I could not keep up with the damage that the rest of my party was doing. At all. My high level spells weren’t doing much more damage than my freaking cantrips and I just felt stuck. I wanted to contribute outside of healing but really just couldn’t. I shared my frustrations with my brother, who, being the little troll he is, said, “Well, you know Critical Role has a Grave Cleric now, right?” So, to start this love fest, Caduceus taught me how to be a better cleric and because of that, I will never be able untangle the character from my relationship with my brother. Even if he died tomorrow or went evil or whatever, I would still be fond of him just for that.

I don’t remember which episode of campaign 2 I first watched all the way through. I know I started paying attention around Fjord’s chicken game and was fully on board with the series by Yasha’s loss in the pit fight. What I do remember is Caduceus. I remember being drawn in by this guy for some reason I still can’t articulate. 

Caduceus is a complex character who is difficult to fully understand and love. People have said unkind things about him, about how he is a glorified NPC or that he is boring or that there is just no ‘there’ there or that he should just go home already. I have seen people say that they think Taliesin should go back to the drawing board and come back with a ‘better’ character, one who vibes better with the group or something. And the sad thing is, I can kind of see where these people are coming from. Understanding Caduceus and what Taliesin is doing with him requires people to pay attention to him, to actively think about him both when he is and is not in the spotlight. And that is hard. Because Caduceus is that character who aggressively tries to divert attention from himself. So right away, we have this tension, this push/pull when it comes to engaging with him. And I do love me a challenge in my favorites. Also love the polite but judgmental assholes who have Opinions they would never say but nevertheless own.

For me, Caduceus’ arc has been about duty and desire, what duty means, how to prioritize yourself, and how to grow. Caduceus’ interrogation of identity as it relates to duty and his blossoming as a person fascinate me most. What is your duty, really? What does it mean to find balance in your life? How do you take down the walls you built to protect yourself? Where do you end and where does your duty begin? What does faith look like outside a strictly Western/Christian lens? Can we find ourselves in other people? What does it mean to grow beyond your wildest imagination and the people you love most?

Caduceus begins the show as a passive, apathetic shadow of a man who has cloaked those traits in duty in order to not deal with his feelings. He had basically grown up in a literal paradise on earth where the problems of the world couldn’t reach or affect him. Until they did. Until his family left. Until the Nein crashed into his temple. Caduceus makes the choice to basically leave paradise, at the Wildmother’s urging, sure, and experience the world in all its messy beauty and ugliness. It is nothing like he expected. It is hard, it is cruel, it tries to drown him at every opportunity. It is also good, the animals, the people, the experiences he has. Hearing Marion sing, learning of a lighthouse to the Wildmother (which he does not fully appreciate yet, this light in the dark storm). Caduceus spends his first chunk of episodes waking up, seeing life outside of paradise. I love these early episodes because they demonstrate just how far Caduceus has actually come (can’t imagine this guy buying an overly large pirate hat as a prank or helping the Traveler offload some followers through an elaborate ceremony, for example).

The crux of Caduceus’ midgame story right up until he saves his family is this: You’ve seen the world, young cleric, are you sure you want to continue to save it? You can go home and turn your back on all of this, what makes you stay in this imperfect world with these imperfect people? We see this a lot, in the questions he asks the Gentleman, in his insistence they save Yasha, in his newfound appreciation and companionship in Fjord, in making the Xhorhaus a home, in his dealings with the stone giants, in his determination to help Nott and her family. And this is the part that made me love him because Caduceus doesn’t shy away from these moments or tough questions. Like most of what he does, he contemplates them quietly and lets his actions speak for him. Caduceus allows himself to get involved, to become invested.

Caduceus’ new major arc is his realization that he is not just some vessel, some passive thing through which the Wildmother’s will will flow. No, he learns that he has to make choices, that he can affect change, and that if he wants this messy, beautiful world to get better, he is going to have to do something about it. Not just wait for Her to tell him it is okay. Taking ownership of his future and what that means to him have shaped Caduceus these last thirty or so episodes. Caduceus has blossomed so damn much. He continued with the Nein because he wanted to, and that led to the discovery of the Astral Sea City. (side note: Anyone want to take a gander what would be happening right now if Caduceus hadn’t been with them?) He not only felt his feelings towards the Nein, he began expressing them. From the man who refused to Scry or Send to his family to one who has a friend call up his sister and tell her he will be back, from the man who clung so tightly to his need to be useful to the Nein to one who openly declares how much he loves these people and how reluctant he is to leave them, from a man who wanted to save his home to one who is trying to save the whole damn world, from a man who couldn’t articulate his feelings if you threatened him to one who is trying so hard communicate, from a man who needed saving from his own apathy and grief to one who saves others, this is who Caduceus Clay has become and I for one am excited to see how the next 100 episodes influence him.

Also I cannot end this word vomit without mentioning the fact that Caduceus being aroace and so warm, loving, and caring is so damn important. Because it is; there are too many people out there who think aros/aces are loveless robots or fake or whatever. And having this person, this caregiver, this annoying little brother, this compassionate man, to hold up against that kind of hate, ignorance, and indifference means more than I will ever be able to express. 

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E96 (February 25, 2020)

Tonight’s guests are Taliesin Jaffe and Liam O’Brien!

Announcements: The Chicago live show and C2E2 are imminent! The live show will be on Thursday night, but an hour earlier than usual, at 6 PM Pacific/8 PM Central! Liam will be at the live show, but unfortunately has to leave C2E2 early and won’t be able to make it on Sunday. On Friday, the first behind-the-scenes video for The Legend of Vox Machina animated series was posted on YouTube, introducing the writing team!

Episode 96: Family Shatters

Stats for this week’s episode! Of the 16 times Caleb has cast Teleportation Circle, the M9 have remembered to contact someone prior to their arrival 7 times. Of those 7 times, they were successful at contacting someone at the location only 3. Taliesin: “We’re playing this game like Skyrim, we’re just going through people’s houses breaking pottery.” Caduceus got the straw hat that he gave to Clarabelle in episode 31, about 188 in-game days ago. There were 17 cow-related puns. Dani: “Is that above or below average for a Critical Role episode?”

“Clay was kind of built relatively quickly. I didn’t give Matt a ton to play with. I gave him the order in which they left, I gave him Clay’s attitude and his impression of his family members, which was usually just one sentence, and some basic idea of what their power set might be if they had one. I always thought of him as, from a family perspective, of what would have happened to Percy if nothing went wrong.” He was happy to be the one to run the family business and just hang around at home and run the shrine. “I think the rest of the kids’ wanderlust probably put them at odds quite a bit.” He liked being able to play that conflict and show what Caduceus was like when he was annoyed. Cad took after his father, the girls generally wanted to leave, and Colton is “just sort of a doofus.”

Caleb was an only child, so seeing this many kids was a lot. “They clearly had their grudges and their different dynamics with each other, but that’s normal, for sure. Caleb’s very unfamiliar with it.” He also keeps looking at Nott and thinking about how everything he’s doing is about wanting to rebuild his family, whereas Nott is so conflicted about going back to hers. “He doesn’t understand it, but he doesn’t want to push it” or judge her for it. “I thought I had a really defined direction at the start of the campaign, but my seven best friends have knocked it silly.”

What’s keeping Cad with the Nein? “Caduceus is not ready to go home at all. He’s not done with his walkabout. He feels like he wants to see a bit more. He feels he has an intense debt to pay. He feels he has a mission to see everybody else through, at the very least. Or at least he’s telling himself that. So he’s saved his home, or at least he thinks he’s saved his home, and his family’s all right, so now it’s debts that must be paid. He’s not somebody who thinks you can just get off the bus.”

“Caleb was going to ask [the hag] about the ability to travel backward through time, not really believing that she could do that, but was still like, show me what you’ve got.” Even if she’d said it, he would have thought she was a liar. “Probably would’ve offered to kill the M9″ in exchange, then would’ve turned around to hit her with a surprise Disintegrate. Liam notes repeatedly that nothing could possibly have been as cool as what Laura wound up doing.

On the Nein not worrying about places Cad considered sacred ground, Caduceus “is fine with conflict. He doesn’t even really have to have conflict, he could assert himself if he were so inclined. It’s that he’s aware that there are limits to what these people can do. It’s very much the philosophy of ‘children and drunks can do no wrong’.” He’s picking his battles.

Was there a defining moment where Caleb started seeing the Nein as family? No single moment. “It’s like love by a thousand cuts.” Liam notes that he’s still not sure how Caleb would react if he suddenly had the means to carry out his plans. “He’s got the recovering-addict mentality.”

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Pumat! (CriticalHitical, photo by Minniemooncos on Twitter)

Taliesin notes that Caduceus is definitely feeling more connected to the group. “If anything, Caduceus is really embracing his role as the spiritual guide to the group. He feels like he really has a lot to offer from that perspective of being the roving therapist. Or at least, he thinks he’s a roving therapist.” Liam notes that Cad is the most mysterious of the group to Caleb. “He’s the most religious character I’ve ever played, too. He’s fun! He really came together very nicely.”

On Caleb being more lighthearted on occasion: “He’s been out of practice being a human being for a long time.” The Nein’s brand of ridiculousness is rubbing off on him.

Why hasn’t Cad been pranking the Nein? “They don’t treat him poorly in that way yet. Siblings, man. I have quite a few siblings, and there is an energy. It’s the same way like when you’re around your parents, you revert to a 15-year-old.” Same with siblings. “There’s just something-- just the urge to torture them is so overpowering.” The moment he got the whistle, he knew exactly what he was going to do with it. Liam was reminded of Taliesin’s real-life siblings while watching these interactions in the game.

On Caleb’s laying on compliments for the Traveler: “The thing about time travel is it’s so implausible. It’s so implausible that I could see us finishing this campaign and Caleb will still have it in the back of his head for the rest of his life. But maybe Artagan could help with that. He certainly sees the potential in Artagan, and it was a balance between wanting to support everything Jester has devoted her life to, so it just felt like everyone was ready to write it off. Life is often like this, life isn’t what you thought it would be, it is what it is. Let’s not damn this yet, let’s feel it out. And if I can use this situation to possibly eradicate ultimate evil, that’s a win.”

Cad found it tough to have family and friends in the same room and play both roles. “I don’t know how much it came across that he was trying to keep them, not necessarily separated, but ‘family, guys, guys, family, ANYWAY.’” He did want to get his family on their way as quickly as possible. Cad is the equivalent of his early 20s, so something like 85-120 years old for a firbolg. 

Liam is asked about the conversation between Caleb and Yasha on watch several episodes ago. "You know what one of the best parts of that scene that played out was, is about 20 minutes or 30 minutes before that happened, I texted Ashley at the table and said, ‘Want to take watch? I have nothing planned, it could be fun.’” He wasn’t expecting it to go that far. “I think he had such an extreme reaction because he felt that he had done a good job of hiding things, and he was suddenly worried that he was transparent, that everyone had been able to read him this whole time when he’d thought that he was-- well, he’s a little in love with Jester Lavorre, and has been for a while, uselessly in love with her. The waltz was probably a little pebble. And in that moment-- this doesn’t play out verbally too much in the show, but he just was worried that this thing that he’s never going to admit to because it’s useless, she’s finding herself, and has her whole life ahead of her, and has other people around her who care about her and are a whole lot better for her than he is. And he’s aware of the way those two [Fjord and Beau] feel as well. It’s just there in the background fucking up his shit. It’s really just a problem. Big fucking problem.” 

Fan art of the week: a gorgeous Clay family portrait! (by Teaweltzer on Twitter)

On Clay being absent for the renewal of his home: “I don’t think his arc’s ending off-screen. I think his arc ends when he comes home to see what’s become of it.”

Is Caleb worried about Beau since the confrontation with her father? “Of course he is. She’s ignoring all the advice that she gave him. He doesn’t like to see her that hard on herself when she’s so competent and probably the backbone of the group. It’s the most judgey Caleb’s been of anybody, really, but he’s very aware of the pain of family and personal stuff. She knows her, and even though he broke his shit in half, he could still see the dynamic in the room when we visited his family, so he feels for her. We need you and we love you and we will miss you, you don’t fucking get to go.”

Each of the temples has a secondary god; what was the Blooming Grove’s other god? “The Blooming Grove is for the Archeart because it is a gift of beauty. It’s the Allhammer, the Changebringer, and the Archeart. It’s kind of a powerplay from the Wildmother, in my opinion. They’re all three based off of very specific types of funereal practices that are common throughout the world.”

Caleb saw giving over the transformation spell to Essek as a returning of one of his many favors. “Caleb likes Essek a lot. They’re like two highly gifted kids at school together. And, you know, he’s quirkily charming and handsome. There’s just no reason not to, in his mind. Outside of the M9, he’s probably the only person that Caleb would see as a friend that he’s made. Everyone else is just sort of scenery around the M9.”

What’s next for Cad? “It’s a little bit of finding himself, or at least finishing himself would be the way to put it.” (cue snickering from off-camera) “He’s also vaguely aware of some of the things that are going to possibly emotionally damage the party on the horizon, and he wants to be ready to deal with, in vague order, whatever’s going to happen to Jester, and then whatever’s going to happen to Fjord, and then whatever’s going to happen to Nott, and Yasha, and Caleb. He doesn’t know how to deal with what Beau’s going through. It’s the one thing he has no experience of, because he has no experience with that family dynamic. When he met people with that family dynamic, it was always at the end of it.”

Some fans sent in death whistles. Brian encourages Taliesin to play one on the plane.

The hat for Calliope was a last-minute thought. The flute could also have gone for Colton, depending on “who I could sneak up on”.

Caleb took a symbol of the Archeart from the Labenda Swamp. “I think it was familiar to me. I think I might have either correctly or mistakenly thought it reminded me of the woman who helped Caleb in the Sanatorium.”

[mccoysaccent]

Fjords Paladin Oath

When leveling up to level 12, Travis opted for Fjord to take another warlock level, instead of getting another paladin and subsequently taking his paladin oath.

Narrative wise, I think it makes sense for Fjord to not take his oath yet, I feel like Travis is waiting for a big in-game revelation/moment to happen and Fjord sees that as a sign that he is ready to take whatever oath he will take. Which brings me to my next thing, what oath will he be taking?

I believe that these are all of the oaths a paladin can take at level 3 (list from DnD5e Wikidot). I don’t know too much about these oaths but from just looking at the names, I would really want to see Fjord being an oath of redemption paladin or an oath of glory one.

Each of these oaths has its own set of bonuses that make it unique to itself and, storywise, taking a specific oath signifies a specific path that a new paladin will be taking.

Oath of Redemption paladins are incredibly interesting to me after reading a bit about them.

The Oath of Redemption sets a paladin on a difficult path, one that requires a holy warrior to use violence only as a last resort. Paladins who dedicate themselves to this oath believe that any person can be redeemed and that the path of benevolence and justice is one that anyone can walk. These paladins face evil creatures in the hope of turning them to the light, and the paladins slay them only when such a deed will clearly save other lives. Paladins who follow this path are known as redeemers.

While redeemers are idealists, they are no fools. Redeemers know that undead, demons, devils, and other supernatural threats can be inherently evil. Against such foes, the paladins bring the full wrath of their weapons and spells to bear. Yet the redeemers still pray that, one day, even creatures of wickedness will invite their own redemption.

Fjords story would fit very well with this oath.

Below are the tenets of redemption:

Tenets of Redemption

The tenets of the Oath of Redemption hold a paladin to a high standard of peace and justice.

Peace

Violence is a weapon of last resort. Diplomacy and understanding are the paths to long-lasting peace.

Fjord is a very high-charisma character and while he may have a low wisdom he tries to be understanding of what his friends are going through. Also, Fjord tends to be a little more hesitant of recent, when it comes to running into fights, guns blazing. I hope this means he is starting to consider/remember more often that not all conflicts have to resolved with fighting. They can be solved with diplomacy, like the peace talks (which I know are definitely not going to resolve all the problems in Wildemount but that’s not the point of this).

Innocence

All people begin life in an innocent state, and it is their environment or the influence of dark forces that drives them to evil. By setting the proper example, and working to heal the wounds of a deeply flawed world, you can set anyone on a righteous path.

Hey, Fjord! Weren’t you once a follower of an ancient sea deity that wanted to be released and rule over the ocean and you actually helped in some of that process? You did! Fjord was never a bad guy, even while serving Uk’atoa, and he was once just an orphaned half-orc in Port Damali, he should be a firm believer in the innocence of others and that evil isn’t born, it’s created (cough Essek cough).

Patience

Change takes time. Those who have walked the path of the wicked must be given reminders to keep them honest and true. Once you have planted the seed of righteousness in a creature, you must work day after day to allow it to survive and then flourish.

Fjord’s change into a follower of the Wildmother didn’t happen overnight! This little bit right here is also a little way of Fjord taking what Caduceus taught to him, and teaching into others! Fjord give Caduceus a fucking hug, he has helped you out so much.

Wisdom

Your heart and mind must stay clear, for eventually you will be forced to admit defeat. While every creature can be redeemed, some are so far along the path of evil that you have no choice but to end their lives for the greater good. Any such action must be carefully weighed and the consequences fully understood, but once you have made the decision, follow through with it knowing your path is just.

Fjord, I know that there are probably people in your life who are far too gone, in your mind. Maybe, if you do end up finding Sabien, you can either beat his ass, OR, you can help him! But if you feel he’s beyond the point of redemption or you just don’t wanna help, I get it.

Whew, long post. I do have another oath that wasn’t on that last that I would want to see Fjord to take.

The Oath Of Throwing It Back

(credit to @OneShotQuesters on TikTok)

I just think it would be neat.

[cadaceus]

C2E126

Guys, I genuinely went on whole emotional rollercoaster ride over here. It was A Time, from the ad at the beginning to the journey at the end. My liveblogging of this journey is below, though I can’t promise that it is entirely coherent, lol! As always, beware of spoilers for this entire episode below the cut! (Believe me, this is something you’ll want to experience without knowing what will happen!) 

- THE NORDVERSE HJGJHDSKHLJSD

- Monochromatic???

- I feel like I need an entirely different liveblog of the Nordverse because I can’t stop grinning

- Okay I had to pause for dinner, but apparently Caleb and Beau got another eye?? I had a feeling this would happen but I’m still so sad

- Ruh roh, the brand that Molly did to Fjord! I forgot what that does but it’s also so ominous

- Yasha and rubbing things out: a saga

- “Fjord’s rock hard pecs” I know it was ironic but bicon Caleb dghjkkjlk

- Dreams have been weird?? Is the whole Clay family getting weird stuff, it is a Wildmother thing??

- Them trying to hit both the Empire and Caduceus’s home is stressing me out, I feel like they need to hurry things up especially since they are on a time crunch here aahhh 😭

- Taliesin clarifying that Caduceus was not the one to say “smokin’” is so funny, but not quite as funny as the image of Caduceus actually saying “smokin”

- Matt: “It seems grossly expensive.” Yasha: “That seems grossly expensive.”

- BEAU LOOKING FOR FLOWERS FOR YASHA HELP THEY’RE SO CUTE

- my best friend just texted me “a Beau Tie” we’re having a top tier pun night

- is she....... you know.......... Xhorassian?

- Is Caleb looking for books for Luc? Because that would be so cute

- “My poor, dead, cheap fiance” is this the sequel to My Big Fat Greek Wedding?

- I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING AT LAURA’S DISGUISE VOICE SHE IS SO FUNNY

- Aaaand suddenly its super heavy again, the volstruckers were stalking them for a long time weren’t they?? Yikes

- “The love that the three of us shared”  👀

- An opportunity.... to overtake Trent? The Assembly? I do love the neutral evil wizards vibes always, though (True Neutral?)

- Wait, there are nine Cerberus Assembly members???? I’ve connected the dots....... I’ve connected them........

- Veth that was a bit too on the nose...... I feel like she is dropping hints that she’s in love with Caleb..... “Wouldn’t you [be sad] if you wanted to be with this amazing young man but you couldn’t because of circumstances tearing you apart?” 

- So there’s infighting in the Empire with the Cerberus Assembly against the King, and there’s also tension between the houses in the Dynasty.... I feel like there are two major political plays being set up here

- Maybe I’m super gullible but I do trust both Essek and Astrid right now.... idk I feel like their paths are kind of parallels in an interesting way, mayhaps I’ll write more about that soon *thoughts are being thought*

- “Nothing is more important than you” Yeah I’m having Widobrave feelings tonight

- OKAY HERE WE GO LESBIANS LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

- “You want my hand.... it’s been a minute” YASHA PLEASE LMAO DGJKDHJ

- This is getting heavy too wait I just want to smile  😭 😭 (But this is a conversation they definitely needed to have)

- People complaining in the chat about the date “taking too long” are lame, I hope this date lasts for five hours thank you very much, y’all knew you were signing up for disaster lesbians and now you’re surprised?? 

- THE L WORD

- I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU IN KAMORDAH........ I’M SO PROUD OF THE PERSON YOU’VE BECOME..............

- I WANNA KISS YOU SO BAD AND THEN THEY KISS IM SCREAMING DJKD;LDHSLASA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

- THE NINJAS LMAOOOOOOOOOO CALEB PLEASE

- Beau calling Yasha “Babe” I CANT WAIT TO HEAR THIS ALL THE TIME OHMYGOD

- Yasha’s soft “hey”

-”I love you too” “That;s the best thing I’ve ever heard” THE SEROTONIN I FEEL. THIS IS !!!!!!!!!! SO MUCH

- Awww, their hands linked together is so sweet I love that

- Okay the first half of this episode had me tearing up, and then this second half I could not stop grinning.... Beauyasha is my favorite ship in the show and they mean so much to me, so getting to see them have deep conversations about their feelings and how far they’ve come, but also have fun and mess around with each other and just be happy together for once in their lives... they are making good memories. And I feel like I’m making good memories too, by watching them. 

Happy Thursday, y’all <3

[e-one-seven]

(Ok, time to jump on the crazy train of Critical Role crazy theories, let's go.)

What if Molly/Lucien is an appetizer? He is an evil version of a former friend. It's shocking, it's a good way to pull everyone's heartstrings, and it's a coherent development in the plot. It was painful and tragic, but Molly's death possibly created the best timeline possible for the Mighty Nein to be the good guys, even if the price to pay was a dear friend of them dying and be brought back as (almost surely) a bad guy. They have Caduceus, a powerful healer and a strong moral guide; Fjord was able to get rid of Uk'utoa and thanks to Caduceus he found a new matron with the Wildmother; Beauregard is a successful Expositor of the Cobalt Soul, because Molly's sacrifice inspired her to be a better person; Nott had her old body and life back because Caleb did not give up; and Caleb and Yasha found a group of loving people who helped them realize that the terrible things they have done were acts of manipulation and that their abusers did not define them as people, setting them both on the way to begin to forgive themselves. And Jester is still a living sunshine, but she is allowing herself to be more honest about her own feelings.

At the beginning there were a bunch of morally gray people who only followed their own personal interests. Now we have a bunch of more or less recognized heroes thanks to a series of lucky circumstances and a wish to "leave a place better than they found it". I can't help to think about how easy it would have been for some of them to miss that opportunity. And one of the strongest sources of these thoughts is the existence of Dunamancy: an ancient and powerful magic that can be used to bend time and space to one's will. Caleb knows some Dunamantic spell, but he barely tapped into the full real extent of this power. He can summon a Resonant Echo, a resonant version of himself from a discarded timeline. This is a 4th level spell, and I started to know about a possible sort of powered version of the spell accessible to an higher level, and how it could be used. What if there is a spell that can effectively summon a full version of one person from a discarded timeline? Not just a echo, but something extremely close to the real deal: an alternative version of the target, with different memories and intent, but still loyal to who summoned them. An extremely powerful spell (8th level at least) that could create a disaster if properly used by someone with no good intentions. Someone like a possible enemy of the Mighty Nein. Someone like Trent Ikithon or another member of the Assembly? Or an unknown, corrupted high charge of the Dynasty? (Because there is no way Essek it's going to be the only one.)

Now imagine the Mighty Nein return from Eiselcross and find out that somehow they are charged with heavy accusations that make the murder of Vess DeRogna look tame in comparison. That some of their allies were attacked, if not directly murdered by them, when they were not there to protect them. The Mighty Nein would think that the attackers are Scourgers in disguise at first, they would elaborate a plan, and they would pinpoint the next target because they will notice a pattern. They go there and they find out there is no disguise: these people are them, and they are bad. A Fjord who released Uk'utoa and gained the control over the seas; a Beauregard that decided to forsake the Cobalt Soul again to protect the only people who ever cared about her; a Nott that resigned she will never be a halfling again and became the monster she thought the goblins turned her into; a Yasha still under Obann's control, who is fighting to release the Chained Oblivion; a Caleb who was found by Trent Ikithon when he was still mentally frail and decided to come back to his old ways; a Jester that saw her friends become evil and decided to join them because she didn't want to lose them. And Caduceus... either he died, he never joined the Mighty Nein, or something happened before the Mighty Nein arrived in the Blooming Grove and that version of Caduceus was not as good as the one we met in this timeline to begin with.

With Dunamancy, would that be out of the realm of possibility for something like this to happen? To see the Mighty Nein forced to literally fight against themselves, in a situation that makes them realize how they could have gone bad if things were a little different? These copies created with Dunamancy would be their worst and most dangerous enemies, just because they are them. The copies know them and how they could react to most of the situations. They know who and what they care about, all of their fears and insecurities, and they would use them to hit them where it hurts. And, most importantly, the Mighty Nein could lose every kind of support they obtained until now, except from those people who know them on a more personal level. They would be forced to hide wherever they go, to watch their back every time, and they will never be completely ready to whatever the copies could do because they are as chaotic as they are. That would be a nightmare on too many levels, and it is not guaranteed that simply destroy the copies would solve the problem, especially if that would be the work of someone from the Assembly or the Dynasty. Unless they bring solid evidences that there was a conspiracy against them, they would be screwed.

I don't know if I'm crazy for thinking that this could happen. But things are getting crazy without my brain getting in the way: we still have to see if they are going survive to Eiselcross...

[knightowl725]

Healing in a Graveyard, Ch. 6

Fandom: Critical Role

A continuation of my work for Fjorclay Week 2020′s modern au prompt. It’s official. Jester is the one making the chapter title cards. I have no part in this.

In this chapter: Fjord and Caduceus deal with intruders. Intruders? In my graveyard? 

Read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828932/chapters/57491902

Caduceus looked around the kitchen, then pointed to the stove. A few pans and the pot used for soup were still there. The pot had a decent amount left. Fjord nodded, and they moved cautiously over to the stove. Each with an improvised weapon in hand, they eased back until they stood on either side of the curtained doorway.

“Found his room!” called the second person from upstairs.

“Grab his laptop, his books, all that crap.”

The first man lifted the curtain and stepped through as he spoke, distracted.

Fjord moved first, flinging the pot’s contents towards the man with a little prayer to the Wildmother.

He cried out in pain as the hot soup seared his neck and arms. Not his face, like Fjord had planned, but close enough.

With a single swing of a still-hot pan, Caduceus brought The Champion to the floor. The resounding clang of its impact echoed through the house.

“What was that?” called the man upstairs. Fjord dropped the pot and dragged the unconscious Champion into the kitchen. Still breathing, but definitely out cold. Caduceus strode into the entry room.

“Cad--!” Fjord bit off the word, dropping the man and hurrying after him. Drawing back the curtain, Fjord saw Caduceus drop his pan to take up the shovel leaning against the stairs. He glanced at Fjord and put out a hand to stop him. He mouthed, “Trust me.”

Fjord stepped back into the kitchen as footsteps came down the stairs, ripping his phone from his back pocket. His hands shook as he typed in his password.

“Who-who the fuck are you?” the other Champion asked.

“I’m the gravekeeper,” Caduceus said, his voice lower and darker than it’d gone before.

“Wh-Where’s Daniel?”

“Daniel isn’t with us anymore.”

“You kill--” The Champion stopped himself. “Look, I don’t want any trouble. I was just told to come here and pick up a guy that pissed off my boss.”

“Did Daniel have a surname? I’ll need it for the stone.”

He just stuttered a reply.

“Why don’t you give me your name, while we’re at it,” Caduceus drawled. “I have a couple of nice plots I’ve been meaning to fill. What better fodder for my garden than trespassers?”

Several soft thuds followed as The Champion ran for the door. When he yanked it open, he screamed.

“I believe the man asked for your name, champion,” came Yasha’s voice.

“Fjord, bring out the body,” Caduceus called. Fjord complied, dragging the unconscious Champion by his upper body. “Now, Yasha. Let’s have the nice man take his companion and tell all his friends not to tread on the Wildmother’s domain again, including our dear friend Fjord. Well, not unless they’re ready to be laid to rest.”

The man tried to flee, but Yasha did not move. “Take your friend.”

Slowly, awkwardly, the standing Champion dragged his friend out the door and down the path out of the Blooming Grove.

The rest of the Nein were on their way, jogging until they saw the man. Fjord couldn’t hear what they said, but he heard the laughter as his friends parted around the shamed Champion.

“I’m so sorry,” Fjord said.

Caduceus looked at him, confused. “What for?”

“I left the door unlocked. They came here because of me. This is my--”

“We all leave the door unlocked,” Yasha said, finally coming inside.

“This wasn’t your fault Fjord,” Caduceus said. “And this wasn’t the first time someone tried to cross these lands unwelcome. We have ways of dealing with them. Usually more hostile than what I tried today.”

Smiling, Caduceus said, “I think I did a rather good job, looking intimidating.”

“Yeah, you were fucking terrifying,” Yasha agreed.

“You both nearly sent me running, and I know you,” Fjord told them.

The three laughed, breaking the tension and fear that hovered over Fjord. His hands still shook, but he did that well.

“We’re so sorry Fjord,” Jester said as the rest of the Nein caught up. “We all wanted to run to help, but we were carrying your things, so Yasha went ahead.”

“Fjord texted us,” Yasha explained to Caduceus.

“Thank you,” Fjord said.

“We got your stuff, though!” Nott exclaimed. “You were right. They were all out doing some cult shit. Except for those two, I guess.”

“Isn’t it funny?” Jester giggled. “They came here to try and steal Fjord or something while we had just stolen his stuff back.”

“Most of it, I think,” Caleb said. “We did our best.”

“Thank you all, really,” Fjord said. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Shut up,” Beau said.

One by one the Nein headed up the stairs to dump what they’d collected in Fjord’s room.

“Is my laptop still up there?” Fjord called. “And my books?”

“Yeah?” Beau called back.

“That’s good,” Caduceus said. “But, uh, Fjord. Why’d they go and pick up your things?”

“I’m sorry Caduceus,” he said for the second time. “I meant to ask earlier, but I wanted to make sure I had a chance to afford it. And I forgot you weren’t there when we talked about it this morning.”

“Are you going to stay, Fjord?”

His heart started beating again, but for a different kind of fear. “I...hoped to.”

Caduceus smiled. His face lit up, pink eyes suddenly several shades lighter. Everything around him seemed to glow a little more vibrantly, and the countless plants in the room seemed to lean a little towards him.

“You did all that cooking for me to leave,” Fjord muttered.

“I was happy to do it,” Caduceus said, stepping closer to Fjord. “It’s still yours. I know finals are in a few weeks, so they might help still.”

“Of course.”

“Honestly, Fjord, I’ve been struggling all day thinking about you leaving and going back to that place,” he confessed. “Look at how I reacted to them. Well, it was obvious they weren’t here to walk you back, but still.”

He went on, “But I know better than most that you can’t force someone to stay, even if it’s good for them. So I wanted to send you off with a smile.”

“And a shitton of food.”

He laughed. “That was the idea.”

“Thank you,” Fjord said, and he wondered if he would ever stop thanking Caduceus. Every day that passed, and he only fell deeper into an unspoken debt to this man. But it was a debt he was glad to repay. Whatever was needed.

~~

Fjord spent most of the evening putting away his things. There were items missing, including his favorite band t-shirt, but it was a small price to pay. They’d managed to find the little wood carving Vandren had taught him to make in his early days as a sailor. Even if Vandren was not the man Fjord had believed for so long, it was still something irreplaceable. At least he had that

He set it on the dresser next to books and the houseplant.

Caduceus flitted by constantly, helping Fjord fold shirts or making notes about furniture he’d need, now that he was staying. Just generally fussing, practically throwing out little flowers in his joy. Every time he disappeared back downstairs to do some work, Fjord felt a familiar warmth in his face.

Okay, so he had a little crush on Caduceus. Maybe. But it made sense, didn’t it? Caduceus had been a pillar this past week, at a time in Fjord’s like when a week felt like a year. And he had literally saved him that day. An innocent little admiration crush was fine. Natural, even. It would pass, and he could go back to enjoying Caduceus’s company platonically. Even moreso, now that they’d grown closer.

He looked up, thinking of the Wildmother, and sighed.

~~

He accepted the job at the Arbor Exemplar by the end of the night, promising to come in that week for training with Reani.

Over the next few weeks, he devoted his time to study, class, and his new job. He took an early start to his day, waking up in time to join Caduceus and Beau for morning meditation. Caduceus began changing up his guided, nature-based meditations to include ocean themes now and then, which did nothing for Fjord’s crush.

Sometimes there was time after for him and Caduceus to meditate on the Wildmother, to commune under the large tree to seek Her wisdom and guidance. Then, it was off to work for a few hours. Fjord opened the gym, greeted by groggy patrons often trying to guzzle some caffeine before their barely-after-sunrise workout.

Reani took over just in time for him to make it to his classes. He had about an hour to study and work on assignments before returning to the gym a few days a week. Sometimes, he spent that time actually at the gym, working out rather than studying. While the gym was often busy, during the week there were plenty of opportunities for him to do schoolwork and study. Far more than at the cafe.

He had days off here and there, and he and Reani agreed to split the weekends so each of them always had one day off. Some of the trainers, and occasionally Calliope herself, filled in their gaps.

And in the evenings, he spent time with his friends and neighbors. Caduceus trusted him enough to let him help cook. On the nights Caduceus didn’t cook, they ordered food or ate leftovers, or someone else in the Nein gave cooking a try.

When he’d lived with The Champions, Fjord had spent every spare moment studying. For all the good it did him. He’d been constantly distracted, pulled away, put to work for a last-minute need at the cafe or a sudden meeting or event. For all the hours he poured into school, it meant nothing.

But now, he had dedicated times in his schedule purely for study. No one at the Xhorhaus gave him shit if he spent “too long” at the library. The gym was another opportunity to get in some work. Even if there were more distractions and interruptions, he could finish most of his schoolwork in the gaps. And being surrounded by another sort of temple to the Wildmother felt right. Inspiring, in a sense.

By the time Fjord made it home, he could spend those precious few hours relaxing. Cleaning up his room, playing boards games with his friends, watching some ridiculous detective film with Nott and Jester, helping Caleb attempt some experiment he didn’t understand, playing wingman to Beau when she needed to pretend like she didn’t have her own crush to deal with, chatting with Yasha, and drinking tea on the porch with Caduceus.

Finals came, and with them, significantly less panic than he was accustomed to. The entire house fell into an almost dormant state as the students focused, Nott and Caduceus happily watching on with no remorse. Nott’s maternal energy, compiled across months of chaos, seemed to unleash around midterms and finals. Between her and Caduceus, no one was ever hungry long enough to notice.

The night before Fjord’s last final, the one he needed to do well on the most to keep his grades and scholarship alive, he took some time before bed to sit beneath the large tree. The pink flowers were long gone, and their petals with them, but the memory remained crystal-sharp in his mind’s eye.

He meditated. It’d become more natural to him as he practiced each morning. Now, even if he was in the middle of the day, he found himself running through some of those techniques to calm his nerves or keep his focus.

He slipped into the calm state after a few moments, and he spoke to Her.

Thank you for your guidance, he began. Thank you for the focus you granted me this week. Thank you for the home you welcomed me into, and this life that you made more. I hope that you can continue to offer me guidance with my last test. I am open to your wisdom, and I am honored to serve.

It was a Caduceus-style prayer, but Fjord had not yet felt confident enough to create his own structure. He hadn’t had the most success with outright asking questions either. The confidence his firbolg guide had in interpreting the wind, the leaves, the sudden scent in the air, was one he lacked. But he could get there, someday.

When he came out of his meditation, he noticed a body beside him. Tall and familiar, folded into his own meditation, was Caduceus. He opened his eyes shortly after Fjord and smiled.

“Hello Caduceus.”

“Did you speak to Her?” he asked.

Fjord nodded. “Just a little. I thanked Her, and I asked for Her help tomorrow. It’s my last test of the week. I really need to do well to keep that grade up. My scholarship depends on it.”

He let out a shaky breath, and Caduceus reached out to put a comforting hand on his knee. “She would not have guided you this far to abandon you now. Trust in the outcome. Trust in Her.”

Fjord took a deep breath, then nodded. “Thank you, Caduceus.”

“Of course.”

“No, really,” he insisted. “I owe so much to you. You’ve been a wonderful friend and ally and mentor at a time when I needed it most.”

There was a long pause as Caduceus glanced away, distantly looking at the house.

“I am your sign from the Wildmother,” he said simply. “You called for help, and I appeared. Someday someone else will pray for a miracle, and you will appear.”

Fjord searched his face in the darkness, lit only by the light from the house and the moon overhead. Caduceus looked contemplative, calm. “Did someone appear when you needed a miracle? At some point?”

Caduceus met his eyes, slowly smiling. “Yes.”

He wanted to ask, but Caduceus would have told him if he were prepared to share. Instead, Fjord nodded. He turned the words over his mind, imagining. Someday, he might be the miracle someone needed. The idea that he could be to someone what Caduceus was to him, even if just for a moment, was overwhelming in its warmth and humility.

Well, maybe he didn’t want to be exactly what Caduceus was to him to someone else, but that was different.

Caduceus pulled back his hand, content to sit in silence while Fjord tried not to blush and give himself away.

“I think I should get to bed,” Fjord said suddenly, when it was clear he was losing that battle. “Up early and all that.”

“Of course.”

Fjord stood, and seeing Caduceus start to get up offered his hand. He helped lift the firbolg to his feet, enjoying the closeness for just a moment. Just a quick breath. Then, they were off into the house.

Fjord climbed the steps, then went to his door. He looked back to see Caduceus continue to the third floor. He hoped this crush might end soon. He understood now why Beau was so dramatic about her own feelings, on the rare occasion when she would confide in Fjord. There was something about having feelings for a friend that was different. Deeper, warmer, and also more frightening. A greater risk. A deeper hurt.

He tried to shake the thoughts from his mind as he readied for bed. He had one, last test tomorrow. Then it would be summer, and he would have two uninterrupted months without school. Which meant more time for work, if he wanted to save money, or more time to work on his bond with the Wildmother.

Or more time to hang around the house with Caduceus. Which was not in the plan at all, and had no bearing on his expectations for the next two months.

With a deep sigh and a little prayer to the Wildmother, Fjord tried to avoid his problems with sleep.

[princessamericachavez]

Let’s talk about Fjord

This has been a long time coming, especially given how most of the fandom tends to overlook the depth of Fjord’s past and current trauma or downright vilify him for it... but I’m not here to talk salt, I’m here to talk about all the sweet little tidbits about Fjord we learned tonight in Talks.

So let’s review:

a. Fjord feels more comfortable in the City of Beasts than in the Empire/Menagerie Coast: 

Now, hey, let’s take a break and consider this, yeah? Because Fjord has spent all of his life fighting and denying the “monster” side of him, to the point of self-harm. He’s crafted himself to look and act as an exemplary human (when he doesn’t even know if the non-orc part of his blood is human at all). Only in the past few months with the Mighty Nein has he started to accept himself. Letting his tusks grow —under Jester’s gentle watch— has been a huge step for him and his self-image. 

And yet. When they were traveling across this other lands, we never really saw Fjord complain. He never brought up that he felt watched, that he felt judged, that he felt out of place. That’s just how good his mask is (and part of his “no one cares” mentality that we will touch in a moment). 

He might not even fit in here entirely either —he’s destined to be forever a half-blood no matter where he goes— but the fact that he feels more comfortable here than he ever did before talks about just how deep-rooted his trauma is. As Travis put it “it’s having an interesting effect on him” and hopefully it will be one of further self-acceptance. We already saw him comment to himself that the stubby tusks had helped him intimidate Umanon. The very same thing that ostracized him as a child, is a powerful asset here.

b. Fjord is desperate to connect with his bloodline. 

Now, we’d seen hints of this longing before. On a meta-level, there was Travis complaining that Fjord didn’t get to meet the lonely half-orc on their way North, but we’ve also had several IC hints. Consider how Fjord found an orcish tusk in Lorenzo’s bag of teeth and kept it. Think about the value he puts into family. Think about him saying, of course, Jester would want to meet her dad. Think about the weight and importance he puts in the family. Think about how set he is in reuniting families —be it Jester with her mom or Nott with her son or even Beau with her estranged parents. Think about him choosing to name himself Captain Tusktooth of all things and despite his lack of them.

The way Travis put it tonight, though, wasn’t just curiosity, it was desperation. It was the need to sit down and ask “are you a monster, for real? Am I really a monster, too?” It’s just the need to be acknowledged. It’s the need to understand what it is in his blood that has made him a target all of his life. It’s getting some damn answers for once. It’s being a part of something. 

And how heartbreaking is it that his first proper encounter with his own species had to be this three drunken assholes that tried to hurt his friends and disregarded him as a weakling? And, yet, how satisfying is it that he got himself and his friends out of that problem, not by force but by outwitting them? By taking this side of him that he’s carefully crafted through his painful youth and using it to get the upper hand?

c. Fjord’s “tough love” and understanding of the world. 

Listen, as much as the two previous things were sad, I think nothing broke my heart as hearing Travis talk about Fjord’s perspective of the world. It makes sense, though. Of course, it does. He grew a nobody in an orphanage where he suffered at hands of other children and was probably never aided or defended by a single caring soul. What does it do to a child, to grow knowing no one is going to come to your rescue? That no one cares? That no one will?

And then Vandran, the one person that has apparently shown Fjord the most kindness in his life, reinforcing this idea, telling him “yes, no one cares, no one is going to care about your problems, so you just deal with them and keep pushing forward”. Of course, Fjord grabbed that ideology —that already aligned with his perspective of the world— and held on to it, turned it into a shield with which he could face an uncaring world. As “tough love” as it is, Vandran gave him a tool to turn his pain and anger into a way to keep moving. Was it the most emotionally healthy advice? Probably not, but it kept Fjord alive.

We’ve seen the side effects of this attitude come and bite Fjord in the ass, though. From not sharing his Uk’otoa dreams at first because they are his problem to deal with, to taking in the responsibility to deal with Avantika and the whole pirate deal... it’s made his allies distrust him, thinking he withholds information out of shadiness rather than a sense of sole responsibility for his issues. Like, think of being sure that the M9 would not come and rescue him from the slavers. After being rescued, he tells Beau and Caleb that he did not expect them to come. Why would he. No one ever has. No one has ever cared. He tells them he expects better of himself because that’s the only person he’s ever really been able to rely on. 

Until now. Until the Mighty Nein. After being rescued, he tells them that he hasn’t had many kindnesses directed at him in his life, and as much as it sounds like a “cool guy” line, really, really, really think how real that is, how much pain there was in Fjord’s shaky breathless laugh as he said it. I don’t care what anyone says or thinks, Travis is fucking BRILLIANT roleplayer that has been planting the seeds and hints of Fjord’s trauma and pain, playing the subtle long game, really thinking deeply about how his past affects him and it’s all slowly boiling to the surface and it’s perfect.

Going back to how the M9 have changed Fjord’s perspective, though, think about how much they care. They do care, and they show it, and they help, and show up, and go out of their way to help and protect Fjord in a way no one ever has before. 

Jester bribing someone to get Fjord a recommendation later just because he said he wanted to get into a super fancy magic academy. Beau, Caleb, Nott and Molly risking (and giving) their lives to rescue him and the others from the slavers. They spent months out in the open see and surrounded by pirates and death threats just to help him get answers about his powers and his mentor. Jester yelling “don’t worry Fjord, you’re going to be okay!” or “I’ll protect you, Fjord!” and assuring him “I’ll heal you if you start to hurt”, keeping his secrets about his past, constantly asking about how he feels and what he wants and what he needs. My dudes (forgive me as I get momentarily shippy) but when Travis says Fjord is in awe of Jester’s light and happiness, how he’s never met anyone like her, how her light is contagious... the more we learn about the shadows in Fjord’s past, the more apparent it becomes how significant her light is to him (platonically or otherwise)

And speaking of light, fourth and final matter

d. Fjord is looking for an out. 

And not just any out. Fjord is looking for a higher power to help him stop Uk’otoa or, at the very least, break his connection to the serpent. 

And here is where I throw a huge HAH to anyone who claimed Fjord to be evil, shady, power-hungry or willing to betray everyone or some shit. 

My guys, Fjord is willing to give up the very power that —for the first time in his life— has allowed him to defend himself and those he loves, just to do the right thing. Fjord is actively thinking of ways to fix his situation. Fjord is step by step turning his back on the dark promise of rewards and reaching for the light like a drowning man.

How will that look, you ask? Well, Travis did bring up a significant word tonight: Paladin. 

From a purely ttrpg point of view, all Fjord needs to multiclass to Paladin is a couple extra strength points that he could easily get the next time he can up his stats. 

From a narrative point of view, though, how wonderful would it be? This boy, this man, who grew up being shunned, hated, attacked, disregarded as a monstrosity... This kid who everyone called an evil shady monster, who people distrust on sight, who didn’t think himself important enough to be helped by anyone... 

I would KILL for paladin Fjord. Like, shutting up every single person (in and out of game) that called him evil or a monster by becoming a god's champion, a paragon of good, literal knight in shining armor, tusks and all. TUSKS AND ALL. 

Jester seeing Fjord in full armor, shining like the sun with a light of his own, blessed by a deity of his own, tall and proud... and her just being filled with pride, telling him “see, Fjord? I told you, you’re just like a knight in shining armor!”

I’m curious as to which god Fjord would choose to follow, though. 

The Wildmother might seem like a far fit given how different Caduceus’s approach to, well, everything is to Fjord, but reading up on her she’s “the goddess of wilderness and the sea. She watches over nature, good harvest, grants protection from washing away in storms, guides the passage of ships, and protects smaller folk” which seems like SUPER fitting given Fjord’s backstory. 

The Moonweaver would be an interesting nod to Molly’s faith, but also a good fit to Fjord’s tendencies towards hiding his true self behind a perfect mask since she “is a chaotic good deity of moonlight and the autumn season, as well as the patron of illusions and misdirection [...]  she is largely considered to be the deity of love and protector of the trysts of lovers. Those who work in secrecy and trickery often ask for her blessing.” (also Fjord needs all the luck in love he can get)

The Changebringer is an interesting option too, I think, since she “is the goddess of freedom, trade, travel, and adventure. She encourages her followers to venture into the unknown” and we all know how curious and impulsive Fjord can be, it’d be fun for him to have a deity that encourages his thirst for adventure now that he’s enjoying his new life and getting to know and do more than he ever dreamed.

The Stormlord is a weird mix since he’s the god of war and fighting but also worshipped by sailors of the Menagerie Coast, which Fjord could feel closer too. 

(also either the Stormlord or the Wildmother might have some kind of direct interest in Uk’otoa not rising again, so they seem likely to help)

I —for one— would love to see Fjord as a paladin of the Traveler, just because the idea is hilarious and I have no idea how it would work.

Either way, though, Fjord has a super interesting road ahead. His past and present are coming to the surface and this arc his subtly giving us a lot of what will shape his future.

Tl;dr: Fjord is a good boy who has suffered a lot and I will fight the next person that calls him evil. 

[yfere]

Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E66(6)

A MASSIVE SHIPPING FEAST ON BOTH ENDS OF THE SPECTRUM this episode, hot DAMN. Thank you to @alarnia and @softazelma for helping with data entry. Masterpost here. I just...I don’t even have words, I’m too busy soaring.

-5 to Fjord/Jester unlike Fjord, as these two unfortunately give us a Complete Guide on how to Lose All The Battle Points—Fjord accidentally ditching Jester to get mauled by a winged monster for the third time in a row as he is Contractually Obligated to do, and Jester getting her own back by polymorphing the roc just as Fjord settled on its back, sending our dear warlock plummeting towards an early—and painful—landing. The hemorrhaging to the ship was mostly patched up by both of them being very regretful over the whole situation, Jester saying “sorry” a billion and one times, and so on. Then they dip back into point loss with Fjord Completely Failing To Be On The Wavelength when it comes to disguising as leaves, participating in dance parties, not making people exhausted with a hard ride on the moorbounders through the night,  etc etc, but these were largely made up for by Jester’s appreciation for Fjord paying for their inn stay, his continued helpfulness with Sending, and most importantly Jester taking every opportunity to point out how RIPPED and TOUGH and SMART and GOOD AT ACCENTS Fjord is as he flexes for her benefit. Overall, a rollercoaster week, but we at the lab feel it balances to point loss when you factor in the massive physical toll these two took on each other, and not in the fun way. They can do better (the fun way, for instance)

+20 to Jester/Caduceus as these two show us Battle Points Done Right, with Jester casting an insect plague in the most Caduceus of moves, and NOT ONLY THAT, but making them an Oprah BEES gif, recalling the most Iconic of Jester/Cads scenes, and the most Iconic Jester Ship Mascot, comparable only to jellyfish. Caduceus calling Jester a “sugar pea” and making her squeal and hug him, a type of #BodyContact which earns the most possible points without lips being involved. Dancing with Jester and having a grand old time. Them earning Battle Points?????? with their protracted bat-catching session, and Caduceus using literally all of his Banes so that the itty creature never so much as nicks Jester. That’s love.

+10 to Nott/Cat Shaped Creatures Speaking of lip involvement, Frumpkin got a kiss from Nott before being let down!!! Caleb better watch out, or she’ll steal his cat right out from under him!! Massive point loss however for Jannick yeeting Nott off of him for daring to ride alone, because Caleb’s precious pets are nothing if not loyal. (that’s a +15 to Caleb/Cat Shaped Creatures right there!)

+37 to Fjord/Caduceus These two have their strongest week YET, with Fjord—voluntarily! opening up about the Wildmother, and Caduceus giving some amazing advice about meditation which lets Fjord get more peaceful sleep to ASMR ocean sounds! Caduceus talking about a “shining beautiful” destiny (always a point earner!), and opening up about HIS Wildmother dreams and past and quests as well! Caduceus saying he has faith in Fjord—though there’s some point loss as Caduceus seems to have joined Nott’s “There is Evil in the Fjord Club” by implying it’s only his good friendships keeping him on the straight and narrow, smh Caduceus. Cads adorably suggesting that they can ALSO stop in the abyssal temple before they leave town if that’s what Fjord wants, like visiting a gift shop. Caduceus as usual being the first to Fjord’s side for That Good Hjealing and Emotional Sjupport, which Fjord petulantly demands, and Fjord encouragingly saying “C’mon, baby” as Caduceus looks around for the pursuing roc. In the Creepy Tunnels, Caleb gets +2 to Cockblocking as Fjord wanted to be the one to help Caduceus out, but Caleb gets the honor. Later Cads helps Fjord look for magical arms and armor though, that’s pretty sweet.

+42 to Jester/Yasha LOVE??? LOVE WAS SAID????? ANNNND THEY HUGGED?!?!?!?!?! The “we” puts ever so slight a damper on things, but that is a Point Earner right there, with a lovely conversation about being Yasha’s New Family and defending her from anything that would upset her. Yasha getting teary, saying Jessie once more and making a joke about the king’s instrument being a rock harp, like….they are love?? Love?????? AND, annnnnnnd they get the Sexy Points for “Comes more with another person” HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS JESTER I’M LOVsjkajkgakajksakjkasjksajkfukewk;HA;GKJ BKfjkcbdjabkjsdbalkbB  SJAK BKJBSAKJK;jkjdasbjksbjkdakasdsfnajdknmbznb

-1 to Beau/Pets While she gets point gains for charming a baby roc with some staff scritches and thrown food, she gets point loss for beaning the poor baby with that same staff, though luckily she doesn’t join Nott in the Baby Killing Club of this campaign. -1 to Caleb/Vulture Culture as despite using all of his spells to Live a Bird-Brained Life, he unfortunately drops his form too quickly to save Fjord, gets bit back to wizard form by the baby roc and told to shut up with the bird screeching by Beau. But Frumpkin gains some points for looking successfully for the pursuing roc.

-20 to Nott/Yasha You get the sense that Nott is trying to mend things with Yasha, but it always falls apart and falls apart horribly. “We’re safe in this smoke” leads to Yasha immediately leaving it, and after Nott has her flask taken she spends the rest of the episode talking about how shady and suspicious Yasha is which even Caleb “Nott is Never Wrong” Widogast can’t agree with. Searching the darling barbarian’s pockets and accusing her until Yasha gets fed up and yells that she didn’t FUCKING take it.

+15 to Beau/Yasha/Jester as they have another stellar week. Featuring Classic Threesome Moments, including “Should I give you some private time alone?” with both Beau and Yasha Very Much Wanting Her To Stay, and Jester sharing the Sugar Momma loveliness she’d been having with Beau with Yasha, in the form of a suggestive ring gifting joke and “dressing Yasha up” in the fancy clothing Beau recovered for the both of them. The three of them touching the stone Celestials and listening to their music

+17 to Beau/Yasha *starts singing Beyonce* she liked it, so she put a ring on it! ‘Nuff said. Beau’s terribly awkward but wonderful “We’ll protect you with our lives” also: goooooooooooooooooooooooood. Beau being incredibly worried over using Yasha as bait, more worried over dead Celestials, but forging ahead because they both know it’s the best option they have at the moment *sniffs* it’s Some Angst Here. Beau saying Yasha has “dope wings” and might be a “dope angel in irons” and suggesting that Yasha may have gotten her name by sleeping with a lot of people, the sheer dumbassery of which makes Yasha facepalm herself in the hopes of getting a Lesbian Amnesia concussion.

+20 to Beau/Jester as Dimension Door gets used once more for an incredibly sapphic and beautiful moment. Beau grabs onto Jester to try to throw her to safety, but stays when Jester asks, and Jester getting them both to safety?? Dare I say, Romance? Dancing together, loving shiny loot together, running their hands along the side of the tunnel and detectiving together. Beau saying Jester is pretty awesome, as always!

+4 to Fjord/Cowboy Vibes as for one glorious moment, he was yeehaw riding that roc. Alas.

+11 to Caleb/Fjord. Although a sincere effort was made, these two did not in fact earn any Battle Points as Caleb’s furious handwringing, running around, and smacking faulty cocoons and tossing feathers repeatedly failed to help Fjord out of his situation with the roc—only acting as a feathery transport to a cleric managed to do the poor man any good. Nonetheless, these two continued to Same Hat on planning as usual, going full speed (or not at all) with the moorbounders, Caleb directing Fjord towards Facely duties but admirably performing on some Facely duties himself when they first roll into town and get the side-eye. Fjord as always being Very Attuned to Caleb’s navigational skills, wanting to know what direction they’re going and wanting Caleb to do translation duty. Being excellent detective partners as they have been since the circus in identifying bodies and bones together. Point loss for Fjord apparently thinking that the best way to get Caleb’s attention is to throw an eldritch blast in the vicinity of his cat instead of, say, shaking him or something. Fjord…….when are you going to be nice to other people’s pets? Will you ever?

+1 to Caleb/Essik “But of course you must know of THIS EXTREMELY FAMOUS AND HANDSOME MAN ESSIK THEYLAS who will ABSOLUTELY VOUCH FOR US, IN FACT PLEASE ASK HIM TO I NEED AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO HIM.”

+5 to Jester/Graffiti as she pulls off a difficult prank in changing the sign to the “Ruddy Poon” in full view of the whole community. One of her weaker jokes of the episode, though, so less point gain.

+3 to The Mighty Nein/Oban as he’s apparently super impressed with how quickly and trustworthily they brought Yasha to the area. Compliments Jester on her singing skills. He must be a good guy then, right? Right?

-4 to Nott/Jester for Nott claiming erroneously that rocs eat leaves to Jester, absolutely wanting Jester to “waste” a spell looking for her missing flask (that Jester stole). Point gains for Jester casting lesser restoration on Nott and worrying about her alcoholism and recklessness to a heartbreaking degree….but unfortunately, balancing out to point loss considering the physical and emotional toll her thievery resulted in as Nott panicks and takes out her feelings on the rest of the party. We at the lab live in fear on what will happen once Nott discovers who IS responsible

+14 to Caleb/Jester she…..makes him laugh???? A rare accomplishment for which There Must Surely Be a Medal??? This alone earns All The Points for an Iconic Moment, but Caduceus gets +7 to Cockblocking for being the one Eagle Caleb carts around when the offer was originally extended to Jester. Caleb also catching onto Jessie (thank you Nott for this nickname I despise) and looking soft at everything she does, and dancing, and being the first to adorably compare Jester to a snap pea. Caleb agreeing with Jester that building bridges sounds nice. Point loss for Jester making far too much fun of Caleb for not knowing her demon stories and not seeing the obelisk, prompting him to weakly defend himself that he’s “doing his best.” More point loss for Caleb also pushing to ride the moorbounders to exhaustion, and just ignoring Jester’s “feelings” to talk to Caduceus, showing a lack of trust that is UNACCEPTABLE.

-500 to Nott/Alcohol Which needs no explanation.

+16 to Caleb/Caduceus as these boys get Good Quality Time, with Caleb flying Caduceus around everywhere, Caduceus continuing to think Caleb Magic is the Solution to Everything by suggesting alarms at the cave entrance and seeking out Caleb’s cat-based assistance three billion times. Caleb asking for Caduceus’ opinion and feelings specifically for guidance on what they should do, also thinking Caduceus Magic is the Solution to Everything by asking for a detect magic which Caduceus could not provide. Once more very emphatically forbidding Caduceus from wasting his spell slots on Daylight, because like a #KnightInShiningArmor Caleb wants to chivalrously cast that spell himself with the driftglobe. Caduceus chivalrously picking up the tab and buying incense both for himself and Caleb. Caleb holding onto Caduceus’ wrist for a full minute and proving Caduceus is a favorite for his Special Buffing Spells,  because the wizard is too much of a scaredy-cat to just hold his hand, I suppose.

+20 to Everyone/Detective Work for finding gems, bones, maps, emblems, and identifying the precise coagulation of blood to determine when it was spilled! Nothing Conclusive was learned, but boy did it increase the Creepiness Factor of the episode!

-100 to The Mighty Nein/This One Particular Roc who will hold  a grudge against them for the rest of time, woe unto them should they ever venture into the Barbed Fields again.

+19 to Jester/Cosplay of the Week for a much-complimented leaf disguise, and for dressing up in the bloody garb of some mauled nobles. Point loss because it was unclear to most of the judges that “leaf” is what she was going for, and not “healthy edible vegetable”

[angelsndragons]

Okay, since I see a lot of people either straight up panicking or saying that Caduceus’ playlist is straight up depressing (neither reaction I get)....I’m gonna offer a different reading of the songs here, how does that sound?

Death Bed Salesman - This is straight up about Caduceus’ family and his upbringing. His father even says some of the lyrics almost word for word in ep 96. Growing up surrounded by death and all the rituals created for the living left behind made Caduceus into the person he is. ‘This is how it has to end/So love somebody while you can’ like talk about a thesis statement for Caduceus’ outlook.

How are You Doing - Wow this song is pulling double duty. Caduceus is not a character who likes burdening other people with his own problems, preferring to keep a calm, polite distance between others and his feelings. The style of this song harkens over to Jester, it’s very bubbly and sweet sounding. Of course, this is also one of Jester’s primary issues (someone please tell the clerics they can be people with problems too). Now, if you do what I did and go watch the music video for this song, two things will stick out. One is the increasing ridiculous scenarios the singers find themselves in while going about their day to day lives juxtaposed against their ‘nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine’ lyrics. Two is the fact that these singers come out at the end of the song together, they have triumphed over the madness and nothing stopped them from doing what they wanted and needed to do. This song encapsulates early Caduceus, while he was getting a feel for the Nein and being drowned every other second, ultimately his contributions to the Pirate Arc were fundamental to the group’s success. 

Vegetables - Honestly, this song just reminds me of that early conversation with Fjord in the Sour Nest. Caduceus is cooking omelets and just casually asks Fjord if he could look for veggies down in the torture chamber since it would ‘make a good root cellar.’ Fjord is so caught off guard by this request, and understandably so, he just repeats ‘Roots?’ Caduceus then just lists off root vegetables like Fjord’s an idiot. Oh, Cad. XD Honestly I like that the beat line is being made by vegetable chomping, it just feeds into the ‘Caduceus is a giant magical cow man’ vibes and I love it.

When the World is at Rest - Xhorhaus! In the middle of that street! Xhorhaus! In all seriousness, this song pulls double duty as well. ‘I miss the sun but the moons will do in a pinch’ anyone? The first and most obvious thing this song reminds me of is when the group is given the house and Caduceus asks, ‘are we putting down roots here?’ With the single act of planting that tree on the tower, Caduceus turned the house into the Mighty Nein’s home. Can’t get your deposit back after that, after all XD. I think of how this home in the dark has sheltered and protected the Nein so many times. I think of them befriending Essek and how that wasn’t part of the plan (you know, like Caduceus himself). I think of how their plans to end the war were hatched in darkness, how violated they all felt when one of their own was taken and when another was assassinated under cover of night, because the darkness had come to feel safe to them. I think of how much the Nein has blossomed since this house became their home, since they all had a place to go back to that was theirs. I think of how the Nein has given the world a breather, a chance to rest, all because they returned a beacon and befriended a traitor. 

Wildflowers - So, there are a couple of interpretations of this song. One is setting a lover or loved one free from your own feelings and letting them go. Another is that the singer is trying to find a place to bury a loved one (’that home by and by’ around where I live and grew up is a roundabout reference to heaven). Honestly, both interpretations are apt for Caduceus. He does his best to not burden others with his worries and feelings, he was the one who stayed home, which granted his siblings the freedom they needed to leave, etc. The second interpretation fits Caduceus as well because we know one of his secret hopes is that the Nein will let him tend their bodies and graves when the time comes. And now I’m gonna put on my TeaHaw hat for a goddamn minute bc holy heck, this is such a good song for both of them, Caduceus reminding Fjord that he deserves freedom and his beloved sea again, Fjord teaching Caduceus to follow his heart and embrace new experiences. ‘I have seen no other/Who compares with you’ really fits their complimentary and praise styles with each other. Thank you, Tal.

Never did No Wandering - Don’t have much to add to what Taliesin said about the song. For once. I think of Caduceus’ loneliness in the Grove and his regret that he didn’t leave sooner. I think of how he could only leave in the context of duty, of just how much his duty as a grave cleric to Melora has defined and shaped his understanding of himself. I think of how long it took for him to voice his own desires and wants. I think of how he insists he isn’t wandering, that he is following a pre-ordained path. I think of how much work he still has to do when it comes to knowing what he wants and making peace with getting it just for his own sake. Also, hello more sailors.

When You Get to Ashville - Oof, so this song works both ways for Caduceus, both as the singer and the subject of the song. I think of him, home alone for ten years, wondering what was going on with his family, if they were safe (he knew they weren’t, he knew what it took to keep them from him), how he didn’t actually want to know unless he could help. As the subject, I see his family, having only been away for what was maybe two years for them, looking at the changes in him in awe and confusion. Nothing’s changed for them but boy howdy has Caduceus changed. The homebody has left the nest and saved them all and he very obviously doesn’t want to go home yet if at all. Caduceus has waited so long to get them back and to be a family again yet when the time comes, he can’t bring himself to return, as the singer implies about the subject. He knows his family will be there to catch him if he needs it but I think this episode is where it really hit him that he’d been trying to recreate a past that never could be again because he could never go back to being who he was. 

Fuck it I’m a Flower - Another Caduceus anthem. Upbeat with a few melancholy lyrics. You can take it as the singer divorcing themself from humanity or you can take it as the singer using flowers as a metaphor for their growth into someone who becomes more involved (the singer goes from not marching to taking on other people’s pain from their place of safety to fully embracing the movement to change things while they can). I don’t have any context for this song but it really freaking reminds me of those protest photos where a protester offers a flower to the riot police (fuck the police). Caduceus is blossoming into a man who genuinely cares about the wider world and the people within it. Not just abstractly, which I would argue he did back in the Grove. But being up close to the ordinary folks in the Dynasty, in the Empire, the Coast, has given him a new perspective on not just his place but where he wants to stand. I think of Jester’s conversation with him back in Oh Captain Who’s Captain, the world is much bigger and messier than Caduceus could have ever dreamed. I think of Caduceus befriending and being kind to their crew and Avantika’s. I think of ‘Nott, you went to find help, we’re here to help.’ I think of ‘one day someone will pray for a miracle and that prayer will be answered because you showed up, that’s what this is all about.’ From rescuing Yeza to saving Giants to shattering the chains binding two of his friends to bringing peace to two warring nations to separating justice from vengeance, just look at where he is now: no longer passive or uncertain of how they can contribute to the world, Caduceus and the Nein have brought so much good into it. Caduceus knows where he stands now. Some people say that he’s the Nein’s moral compass and I disagree with that entirely, he’s become the courage to act on their moral compasses. 

Oh Bury Me Not - Okay, so I know this is where some listeners start to get antsy with all the death talk in this song and the ones after it so breathe, it’s fine. Caduceus is a Grave Cleric, y’all. Tal says that this song is an expression of Caduceus’s religious beliefs, which, uh, yeah. There is no stained glass in the Blooming Grove temple, they do all their work outside the traditional structures of religion and civilization and do it gladly, etc. The ending Bury Me Not, okay, guys, Caduceus is the singer here, not the kid being sung about. It really drives home the Wildmother’s philosophy on death: when you’re dead, you’re dead and you have no say over what happens to the corpse left behind. I think of the corpse of the Great Hero and the founding of the Blooming Grove, the Menagerie, and the Kiln. I think of Caduceus’ onscreen death and how through it, he finds his path to the Kiln. I think of him reviving Fjord. I think of him and this island and how much of a perversion it is of the ‘natural order’. Also, just given how much Fjord has impacted has impacted Caduceus’ ideas of faith and signs and stuff, it’s so fitting that this piece is here. I also think cowboys and how Tal said he’d planned on using the Ocean Burial before he came across this, I see you, Tal. 

September Song - So that build up, huh? I think of Caduceus and the Nein readying themselves for a battle to the death to save Yasha and stop Obann. I think of all the close-calls and near misses. I think of how every day, these people choose over and over and over to stay together, in spite of the coming winter, in spite of the obvious danger, in spite how much safer they would all be if they went their separate ways and planted their heads in the sand. I think of how that, their time, is the most precious gift any of them could give the others. This is not a sad thing, by the way. All these people, who have been so badly wounded by others, who are so skittish and so distrustful and so guarded, choose to stay together over and over again. No matter the hardship. They choose to spend their lives together, they choose to be better together and for each other.

22 (Over Soon) - Guys, this is 100% an Episode 95-96 song. 100%, no question in my book. I think of what Caduceus doesn’t say to his family. I think of what he does say. I think of how overwhelmed he is when the Nein saves them, I think of how he can only muster ‘It’s been a long time.’ (All these years) I think of him trying so hard to be given permission to stay with the Nein without explicitly asking for it, the subtext of ‘would you forgive me if I don’t come home yet’ threaded through his every interaction with his family. I think of how Caduceus hands the seeds over to his sister and tells her to be the hero the Grove and their family needs. I think of how easily and willingly he gave up what he’s called his destiny and charge since the beginning in order to stay with the Nein. This is Caduceus saying good-bye once and for all to the dreams of things going back to the way they were. I think Caduceus had been hoping that his family had changed just as much as he had. I think if they had, he might have gone back with them. But they haven’t changed and he has. So he can’t go home. Not yet. He cloaks his desire to stay with the Nein once more in duty but make no mistake, it’s desire that’s keeping him with them, people who may not understand him but who try and who are there and who accept the new person he has become. The build-up Tal was talking about? This is it. The moment where Caduceus first puts himself and his desires above what he thinks is his duty. The moment that Caduceus fully realizes how much he has changed and what an earth-shattering revelation it is.

We’ll Meet Again - Meetings and Partings have always had a special place in Caduceus’ arc, especially metatextually. He was the character who replaced another, who was rescued from his static seclusion by three of the Nein and who in turn rescued the three captive members. I think of how this song is a promise that, come what may, the singer will do their damnedest to return and make that promise a reality. I think of all the weird and wonderful people Caduceus has met in his short time outside the Grove. I think of all the shop keeps who just love this pink fuzzball and how many times they tell him to come back. I think about the Dusts, the meeting and parting and sanctuary they gave him. I think about Reani and Nila and how his kindness to them has come back threefold (Reani escorting his family home, Nila protecting the Grove). I think about Essek. I think about how driven Caduceus became to reforge the sword after Yasha was taken, to bring her home. I think of Caduceus prodding the Gentleman into reconciling with Jester. I think of his delight in the coincidences that keep lining up between him and Fjord. I think about Caduceus and Beau and how proud he is of her growth. I think of his declaration in the dome that ‘We aren’t done until we’ve saved each other.’ 

Enjoy It - And we wrap up our playlist with another Caduceus thesis statement: don’t worry about the things you can’t change, find the goodness and light in all of your experiences. If it’s meant to be easy, it will be and if it’s meant to be hard, it will be hard. You’re the green bean and you can choose to become jaded at the storms or enjoy the water flooding your roots. This song also fits the lightness we’ve seen from Caduceus since sending his family home. His big quest, his reason for leaving home, has been fulfilled (so he thinks, pretty sure Molaesmyr will be calling in the Nein’s near future) so now he can just sit back, relax, and fully enjoy the ride.

TL;DR - Growing up and moving on is hard and painful but it is also triumphant and necessary. Learning to be who you are and to place yourself on your list of priorities is a journey full of quiet work that few rarely glimpse. Caduceus’ whole arc has been about who he is and what he’s going to do with the strong moral compass he’s got - Is he going to continue to live in the world, even with all the pain, struggle, joy, and goodness that comes with it, or is he going to retreat from it, go back to his little patch of green and forget about it? All signs point to the former, not the latter. In tarot, Death means transformation and sweeping change even more than it does literal death. Caduceus’ playlist is all about the transformation of his self even as he remains true to his core beliefs.

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E61 (May 7, 2019)

Hi, everyone! @eponymous-rose​ is out from a pain in the butt situation, so I’m stepping in to bring that average quality down a solid five or six points. Tonight’s preroll: guess who! No, literally, Guess Who:

Tonight’s guests: Travis Willingham & Marisha Ray.

Tonight’s announcements: earlier today, Ashley joined Taliesin for a Gail Force 5-themed action game episode of Mame Drop. VOD available now! On Saturday, May 18, Marisha will be DMing a live event for D&D Live’s Stream of Descent. Cool!

And now, Episode 61: Agreements

CR Stats! It’s been one week since Beau saw Dairon. Only one week, huh. Uk’otoa has threatened Fjord twice in the last week. It’s been 35 days since Fjord broke the second seal. Everyone marvels it’s been simultaneously that long & that little time, and Marisha & Travis both have a loooong drink. Brian has an electronic mug that keeps his drink warm. It has an app. It tells him when it’s at its desired temperature. Travis calls him Douche McClure, but holy smokes I want one. 

Brian tells a story about how he thought Travis was falling asleep one episode, but he was pondering the mysteries of the universe “a la Liam O’Brien.” Marisha empathizes with the trap of being told by the internet to READ YOUR SPELLS, only to try to do that & miss the last round of combat, then to be told PAY ATTENTION.

There’s no difference between Fjord & Travis’s reaction to his depowerment (sheer terror). Marisha talks about how he missed a solid twenty minutes of gameplay afterwards from being so distracted. Travis says he was “movie breathing” too, so hard it was audible on the mics. (Laura has to tell him to stop breathing so loud in movies a lot.) Brian, who’s been with Travis in haunted houses & knows when he’s genuinely scared, realized how terrified he was in the moment even through the laptop screen. 

Dani: “Uk’otoa is exactly the IRS.” Brian: “How about the IRIS?” Ugh.

Everyone points out Travis is cosplaying Steve Jobs tonight. It’s uncanny.

On Beau’s relationship with deities: she’s the only non-magic person in the party, and a lot of the other party members get their magic from very powerful beings telling them they’re special. Even Caleb was pulled to a school as a labeled prodigy. Now Beau is questioning why she’s “the average person in a group of extraordinary people.” Brian wonders if part of it might be her feeling like she gets her own strength without the need of powers granted by gods. Marisha’s exploring the powers Beau now has (that people saw in her earlier as a flaw, especially given her criminal past), possibly as something she might be remarkable for after all. She wonders if she should be talking to Ioun the way everyone else is talking to their gods.

Fjord fears his powers’ loss because of both his inability to hold his own with his friends and as his last tangible bond with Vandren. He desperately wants to reconnect with him (”You’re okay? Are you okay? I’m okay, if you’re...wondering...”). He also recognizes he’s a half-orc with a strength of 11 if he doesn’t have any powers. Brian: “Do you regret picking your class?” Travis: “I REGRET ALL OF IT!” Marisha: “I felt really bad, because as soon as the cameras went off I could see Travis was freaking out, and the first thing I said was, ‘This is why I never fuck with warlocks!’“ Travis: “I can do what you do! Stunning strike! Pap-pap! I got no nothin’!” He imagines his sword just flopping out at his feet in the middle of a tense ambush and having to wish everyone else well.

How does the Krynn dynasty recognition, the house, & the growing acclaim of the M9 affect the relationship Beau has with Dairon? She has no idea. It depends on how well Beau explains her perspective of it all being all knowledge. Marisha tells us that when Nott first exclaimed that blue cloth they found was Dairon’s, she secretly 100% thought it was as well, even when she verbally denied it.

Travis remembers none of this under the loud heartbeat in his ears at the time.

Travis, as a fan, loves the “Thunderlord’s” style of worship. Marisha likes the seamless relationship Caduceus has with the Wildmother. Brian has a hard pass on both “Travis’s thing” & the Traveler “obviously evil,” but also likes the Wildmother. Marisha wonders if Travis will lose his powers if they free & then kill Uk’otoa. Travis, almost crying: “I don’t know!!”

Holy smokes, guys, there are so many quick references and jokes in this one I can’t get them all. Seriously, this is so entertaining! Catch a VOD if you can.

Travis actually had no intention of talking to Wursh in the last episode. He only went there because Yasha came after him. He would have just wandered around if she hadn’t forced the issue. Marisha: “That’s a healthy way of coping.” Travis: “You’re saying that to Fjord, right? Travis is a very responsible person and a good friend.” He and Marisha are being SO SILLY TONIGHT, g’dang.

Reminder, GIF of the Week has been suspended; the replacement will be announced next week.

Beau’s generally forgotten about the precarious nature of their humanity in the Dynasty until Waccoh’s reminder. She’s generally headstrong, and it was a good hint she might need to rein it in a bit.

Fanart of the Week: @thealeksdemon with a gorgeous portrait of Fjord that is apparently nowhere else on the internet. 

They’re doing another Space Jam??????? Whattttt??????

Beau thought the super-fried talking goblin corpse was a bit weird. It was also a little odd he carried the goblin for several hours on his back.

Marisha & Travis both miss a question because they were posing artfully. These two are so goofy. 

Fjord keeps himself close to himself; he’s not comfortable with the recent leadership, as well as all the new powers. Beau is still thinking about Dairon’s instructions to avoid getting close to people.

Travis confirms Fjord shouts “Eldritch Blast” out loud every time. He’s dead certain the group will think less of him if he can’t pull his own weight. “They’d hold auditions! For the Mighty Eight!” He also mentions that he can’t take care of anyone without his powers. Marisha says they’d have offered to help him quest to get his powers back: you know, toss him in some salt water, let him get a little briny, leave him in there “not beyond the threshold of a revivify...” Travis: “Oh, wow, you’re trying to reset the hard drive!” Marisha: “Fuck, you guys, he’s BSODed.” She admits the plan might need a little R&D.

Is it worse when the check engine light turns on or off?

Beau is conflicted about participating in the military industrial complex. She’s aware it’s going to be used to kill families.

There’s an extended, hilarious aside where Beau tries to say the M9 have become the bad guys, but basically implies that Beau alone is just straight-up evil. It’s tear-jerkingly hilarious.

Fjord’s hesitant to tell everyone because he’s fallen in love a bit with his new self. He has no idea what his agreement (if there even was one) with Uk’otoa was/is. For Fjord, going back to being “normal” would be awful. “He still has work to do, too.”

Beau likes tweaking the noses of powerful people, she’s just trying to be more judicious about it.

Travis straight up quotes Jurassic Park over Liam guest-star-cuddling Henry. This episode is seriously amazing.

Travis says he “doesn’t know anything about an accent drop” as far as the breakdown last episode. Unclear if serious! He’s fascinated by the connection to Vandren as a past Chosen of Uk’otoa.

Yasha’s past reveal was an “oh shit” moment for Beau. When asked if this changes how Beau feels about Yasha, Marisha delicately says, “I don’t want people to overestimate Beau’s intentions towards Yasha,” but that she also doesn’t want to hurt people’s internal canons. Travis very directly tells her that she’s played it how’s she’s played it, and what people infer from that is on them. Marisha nods and decides she doesn’t want to add anything else.

Fjord doesn’t care that Beau’s wearing Avantika’s coat.

Being denied access to the library makes it 100% more enticing for Beau.

Fjord feels....goooood about having a new house/family as long as things stay the way they are (in re: his warlock abilities). Marisha recalls Fjord telling Beau to take care of her family because it was the only one she had...but now she has this new family that she likes as well. Only a few people know about her little brother, so it’s a weird family dynamic. Travis: “There’s the family you have and the family you choose.”

This is Fjord’s third family, since his first found family (Vandren) got ripped away.

We out! Is it Thursday yet?