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aumarchive · 8 months ago

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Interview with Nakayama Hisashi, former member of Hikari no Wa (Aum Shinrikyo branch)

cw: cults, domestic violence, sexual manipulation, conspiracy theories, verbal abuse

Do not harass anyone mentioned here. I'm only citing Mr. Nakayama's name and website because he let me do so.

Do not tag as true crime

Originally posted on Reddit by me

Matryoshka dolls are a well-known symbol of Russian arts and crafts; a majestic doll that, by the hands of others, is forced to reveal itself smaller and smaller until, finally, its tiny, hollow interior becomes visible.

Though they have dozens of tales attached to their creation and meaning, none of it is grounded on reality: these dolls were invented pretty recently with fully comercial purposes. Matryoshka aren't exactly meaningful for their land's mythology, nor original. But at least they're cute and saleable.

So is Fumihiro Joyu, ex-spokesman and executive of Aum Shinrikyo.

Joyu is the kind of person who will never run out of stories to tell about; graduated from Waseda University, one of Japan's most prestigious institutes to this day, he quickly lost interest on the labour market and used his knowledges in a new, weird yoga classroom, which would later become the infamous Aum Shinrikyo. And Aum surely got Joyu busy; he served as a spokesman, public relations representative, head of Aum's russian branch and almost as one of its men of action: in 1993, he attempted to spread anthrax in Kameido, Tokyo. It failed miserably.

But he only became infamous in 1995, when he defended the cult against allegations that they were responsible for the subway sarin attack at all costs. His devotion didn't earn him any prestige, just a lot of fans willing to steal and auction off his dirty socks and a saying attached to his name: ああいえば上祐 (Aa ie ba Joyu, which roughly translates to "If you say so, Joyu"). After being sentenced to three years of prison in late 1995 due to charges of perjury and forgery of private documents, he declared that "Master Asahara is a guide, a savior, and everything to me". It seemed unlikely that his adoration would be shaken.

But after being released from prison in 1999, it seemed that Joyu had a change of heart. He didn't leave Aum (in fact, Joyu became its De Facto representative under the name Aleph), but tried to reform it, reflect on its multiple incidents and eliminate Asahara Shoko's influence. In 2007, after a series of conflicts with Asahara's wife, children, and other executives, Joyu announced he was going to leave Aleph and launch a new organization: Hikari no Wa. According to its website:

Hikari no Wa is not a religion. This is a classroom where you can learn the wisdom and philosophy of happiness from the East and the West, including Buddhist thoughts, meditation methods, and modern psychology, without believing in a specific guru, god, or sect.

The classroom, of course, was met with protests and doubts. The U.S Department of State only lifted its designation as a terrorist foreign organization (TFO) as late as 2022, and Japanese police still surveils it.

Since then, despite still being considered a controversial figure, Joyu has made attempts to clear his image; according to Hikari no Wa's website, the classroom pays compensation to the victims of the subway sarin attack, deprogramms Aleph believers and apologises for its representative's former criminal activities. Joyu also seems to have invested in unusual methods of self-promotion, such as taking part in a hiphop EP where he sings while an edit of the 1995 subway attack plays in the background. He also published a book on how to identify dangerous cults despite his status as a potential cult leader.

There is very little information about Hikari no Wa in English. Its only known activities are events and speeches about spirituality held by Joyu himself, its alleged "Aum liquidation" and its "Pilgrimage to Sacred Places".

However, around February 2024, I stumbled upon a fairly obscure site: stop-hikarinowa.com. According to itself, its purpose is to:

Ask Hikari no Wa to disband.

Promote the exchange of information and people-to-people exchanges on the issue of Hikari no Wa.

Provide support for Hikari no Wa members to withdraw from membership.

Disseminate information to society about the problems of Hikari no Wa.

In addition, we will carry out all activities that we deem necessary for issues related to Hikari no Wa and Aum Shinrikyo.

It also claims Hikari no Wa is, in fact, a cult:

Just like Asahara in Aum Shinrikyo, I think it boils down to the fact that Joyu is in control of everything in Hikari no Wa. It's true that Hikari no Wa changed its doctrine because it wanted to get rid of probation, and it also said that it was a philosophy and thought class. All of the reforms that have been carried out over the past 10 years have been carried out at the discretion of Joyu. This fact proves that it is possible to return to the doctrines and operations of the past with the sole intention of Joyu. As long as he's under inspection, he can't do anything as crazy as Aum (and this is the same for Aleph), but if it were to be removed, no one would be able to stop him from running wild like he did with Aum. The guru becoming a dictator is common to other cults, but if a cult that has crossed the line in the past is allowed to go unchecked, it will be a different danger than other cults. The danger of Hikari no Wa varies greatly depending on what happens to the government's surveillance, but at least it seems that it is an organization that cannot guarantee even safety without national surveillance. * On "Frequently Asked Questions"

I contacted its representative, Nakayama Hisashi who's both a former Aum believer (from 1996 to 2007) and a Hikari no Wa one (from 2007 to 2016) and managed to interview him on March 30, 2024.

The interview go as follows:

Q: Tell us about yourself. You joined Aum to find out more about its practices, but what made you stay for such a long time? A: It was cosy. Aum believers are serious and selfless, so it was really healing to talk to such people.

Q: From what I have read, despite precarious living conditions, including poor diet and cockroach-infested flats, Aum believers formed a strong sense of community. What was daily life like when you joined the organisation? A: Food was considered a bother, and the idea was that it was good if you could get the minimum amount of energy. Even cockroaches were souls that were trying their best to live, and we looked after them with compassion. Such different values from the world were fresh and a strong sense of community existed. It was a similar life in Aum and in Aleph. In Hikari no Wa we secularised, so the ordained people remained Aum, but they disliked the filthy environment.

Q: When did you first come into contact with Joyu? What was your first impression of him? A: Around 2005. My first impression was that he was a hard-working practitioner.

Q: Were you aware that he was at odds with the Asahara family? Were there any tensions within Aum in the late 2000s? A: Initially I did not know that there was a conflict. Inside Aum, the explanation was that Joyu was in training, so I didn't think there was a conflict. Believers like me were not informed of anything. When Joyu came out of prison and the Group Regulation Law was passed, believers though Aum was going to be destroyed, so there was a sense of tension, and although there were people who opposed Joyu's methods, none of us thought that there would be a split later on.

Q: When Hikari no Wa was formed in 2007, why did you join it instead of staying with Aleph? What convinced you? A: Because they sympathised with the idea of social reconciliation by acknowledging the incident. And I was banned from Aleph for having contact with Joyu.

Q: What were the first days of Hikari no Wa like? I have seen a video from around 2009[1], and it seems that many people protested its existence. A: Hikari no Wa was not trusted at all, even if they said they were reflecting on Aum. I thought that if I reflected sincerely, society would one day understand me. Perhaps it was only the believers who were deceived by Joyu's words that he had reflected on his life.

Q: What was your daily life like? Did you go to work or interact with normal society? Did you talk to family and friends? A: I moved from one job to another and worked on construction sites for a long time. I told my family about it, but my wife was vehemently against it, so I didn't talk much about being a believer. Once I mentioned that I was a member at work, but I was discriminated against so quit my job. Since then, I stopped talking about Hikari no Wa to my friends. But I did have normal social interactions outside of the classroom.

Q: I assume you are familiar with the B.I.T.E model, which lists cult behaviour. Let's use it to ask some questions. To what extent was your personal life regulated by Hikari no Wa? Was your diet, social or sex life regulated by the cult, or did you need permission to make major decisions? A: I was a noisy believer [laughs], so I was never dominated by the cult. But they were giving detailed instructions to other people on how to spend their money. I would immediately announce it on social media, so I guess the cult was also cautious. It seems that I was treated differently from the others.

Q: I watched some videos from Hikari no Wa's Youtube channel[2] and they seem to travel frequently. At the same time, they pay compensation to Aum victims. I wonder if a tremendous amount of money is being taken from its believers, or if Joyu is making money in other ways. A: The pilgrimages are a means of collecting large sums of money from believers. Devotees are desperate to join in (laughs). "Why is it so expensive?" I asked him, and he excused himself by saying, "Because I'm compensating them". Compensation is the excuse for the high participation fees. But we couldn't operate on that alone, so some of our staff went out to work, and I think we took a lot of money from the rich and quiet believers.

Q: Hikari no Wa page claims to be a place to learn psychology and natural doctrine, without any religious elements. Is this true? Joyu is not licensed to talk about psychology, and he seems to be getting increasedly incoherent. A: I was confused too. In the classroom, I was reading sutras and doing zazen[3]. And then they said, "It's not a religion", so I thought they were deceiving the world. I think that Joyu himself probably doesn't know what he is doing anymore (laughs).

Q: I saw you accuse Joyu of still being an Aum believer and simply hiding Asahara. Can you elaborate on that? A: When I left Aleph, Joyu said to me: 'I will surely share my reincarnation with the Venerable Master (Asahara). So if you follow me, you will surely meet the Venerable Master again." In other words, following Joyu means that no matter how much you deny Asahara, you are recognised in the doctrine of Aum. Joyu still does not deny reincarnation; if there is reincarnation, then Joyu and Asahara will meet again, and people who are closely related to Joyu will meet Asahara again. The only way to deny this is to deny reincarnation or to dissolve the organisation and live modestly. Because of this idea, everything that Joyu says and does to get people to recognise him is to hide Asahara. There's no retraction or apology to his followers for what he said at that time. I don't think he is remorseful at all.

Q: Wait, that's big! Do you have evidence? A: It was just my experience because it was in a private conversation. I've told the public security authorities and I also think it's evidence for the renewal of my observation, but it's just my testimony, I don't think it's evidence.

Q: That is unfortunate, but I still think it stands out. From reading various discussions of yours, it seems that there is sexual manipulation going on within Hikari no Wa. Can you tell us a bit more about it?" I saw terms such as "sexy business". A: It's a technique known in Japan as 'shirokoi business'. In Aum, love was also an affliction, but having romantic feelings for the Venerable Master (Asahara) was considered a good thing. Intense romantic feelings of wanting to be recognised by the Master and to keep him to oneself were considered to be a form of faith. Joyu frequently appeared in the media during the Aum Affair, which gave rise to a group of fans called "Joyu Gals". Such Joyu fans started coming to Hikari no Wa. Not only 90s Joyu fans, but also new fans are still coming to Hikari no Wa through YouTube and events. They are taking money by cleverly utilising such fan psychology and romantic feelings. The method is to stimulate women's romantic feelings and dominate them by saying, for example, "I have a connection with you from the past". In Japan, there are 'host clubs' where men entertain women, and the sales method is similar to this. Although there was only one victim, I was consulted by a victim who said she actually had sexual relations with Joyu. But at the strong request of the victim, we don't really take it up.

Q: I have also read that Joyu is prone to domestic violence, please elaborate on this. A: Joyu has a strong desire for control, so he would yell at staff and others when he didn't like something, and sometimes beat them up. When I asked someone who was actually hit, he said that he had his karma taken away (laughs). I think this is a typical example of Aum thinking, which is pro-violence. I criticised him a lot, so I don't think he does violence now, but I think he still uses words to corner his opponents. Joyu has a male-dominated mindset, so his desire for domination over women is particularly strong, and I think it tends to lead to violence.

Q: Have you witnessed physical or verbal violence? or have you been subjected to violence? Again, there is no intention to invade your privacy. If you do not wish to answer, you do not have to. A: I have never been hit directly. However, when I quit, I was verbally abused. I saw him shouting at staff on many occasions. Old believers know this all too well. He didn't have any anger control at all (laughs).

Q: Why did you start to leave Hikari no Wa? Did other members also quit? A: I loved Hikari no Wa, not Joyu, so I wanted society to be a comfortable and secure place for the followers who gathered there. In reality, however, the believers were only paying money and being used. I wanted to reform that, but I couldn't do it and was forced to quit. I was also exhausted, so it was probably just as well. There were more than 100 staff members at the time of the Aleph Joyu Faction, but by the time Hikari no Wa was established, there were only about 60, and now there are less than 10. Those who had survived Aum and Aleph gave up on the Joyu and quit. Originally, Aum was a cult with two sides of the same coin, and only those close to them would have known the true nature of the guru, but as it became smaller and smaller, I think the number one reason is that the true nature of Joyu could not be hidden and came to the surface (laughs). The same is true of Aleph, as the closer to Asahara you were, the less you remain in Aleph. The only people left in Aleph now are people who don't know Asahara directly. The same is true of Hikari no Wa, who fled as they learnt about Joyu's character. People who found out that he was the king of the naked left. Conversely, the staff who remain now are people who don't want to admit that Joyu is naked, so they may no longer run away. It's pitiful.

It's important to note that, in July 11th 2018, it was revealed Joyu witnessed the murder of a female believer[4] back in 1991, though he didn't say anything until he could no longer be charged for it, and he still avoids this topic. Nakayama says:

After I left, it was revealed after Asahara's execution that Joyu had left female followers to die during his Aum days and had been covering it up for a long time. When I found out about the incident, all the slight remaining feelings I had for Joyu were gone. I thought that everything I had been working on with hope, saying that I would reflect on the incident, was a lie. I now seriously hope that the cult will be disbanded.

Moving on.

Q: Sorry to digress, but I was very interested in Hikari no Wa's instance on science. Joyu often talks about psychology, even if he's not licensed to talk about it. And he apparently gathered at events without masks during the pandemic. A: Right. What the Joyu says publicly, he says it with an awareness of what society will think of him. He pretends to be a sensible person. But in his true feelings, he thinks completely differently, and what he says and what he does are completely different. If you look at what he does, not what he says, you can see what he really thinks.

Q: Sorry to be too straightforward, but is Joyu a conspiracy theorist? I'm not talking about extreme and flash cases like Qanon. It's about things like "this disease can be cured with X, Y and W" A: He has not been vaccinated. This may be because he believes that vaccines are not desirable from a parrot doctrinal point of view and that if he practices, he will not get infected. I don't want to call it a conspiracy theory, but I think he thinks that practising is a better way to fight infection than vaccines or medicine.

Q: That's bad. Do believers have the freedom or critical skills to get themselves vaccinated? A: It might be different for different people. Maybe many people think the same way as Joyu. That is, that practice is more effective than medical treatment. If Joyu would be asked by his followers, he would not deny the vaccine, but he would not dare to recommend it either. Since many people are dependent, I think many of them would not take the vaccine themselves if Joyu had not taken it.

Q: Sorry to change the subject again, but there is one more thing I wanted to know. I browsed through some of the accounts and posts and found screenshots of Joyu himself talking about and endorsing Vajrayana[5]. One of them was yours[6]. Is it authentic? A: I always think about the risk of a court case when I send out screenshots, so I don't fake it. Hikari no Wa always say it'll go to court and then ask me to delete it.

And, then, the interview ended. I had more to ask, but it was 3 AM and I didn't want to waste more of Mr. Nakayama's time.

It's important to note that all of this is simply alleged and I'm solely giving voice to a former member. Joyu has still a large platform, with around 17k followers on Twitter, and appears on documentaries and interviews as an cult expert of some sorts. It's not uncommon for former cult members to study about it later on, but Joyu didn't go through any deprogramming initiative, not even during his time in prison. And, of course, it's certainly unusual for an ex-believer to establish a "non religious' (though with holy pilgrimages) and "non guru centered" (though he's the only member with an online presence) organization.

Do not track and harass former Aum/Hikari no Wa members. Mr. Nakayama gave me permission to say his actual name and site, but this experience has been traumatic to many people.

During my research, I found a quote associated with Joyu in some foruns and websites, but couldn't find any proof it was actually his nor the context in which it was supposedly said.

A snake that doesn't shed its skin will die

Matryoshka are self aware, I guess.

#aum shinrikyo #interview #spiritual abuse #cult mention #organized abuse #pipeline #cw antivax

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mariacallous · 5 months ago

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Western governments’ rapidly growing defense spending sounds like a straightforward equation: More spending equals more weapons. But skilled weapons workers are in short supply, especially explosives experts, and without a sufficiently big bang behind them, even the most sophisticated weaponry is pointless. But blowing things up is not learned in a quick crash course. We need more explosives professors.

NATO member states’ defense spending is on an extraordinary growth spurt. This year, Poland, for example, is spending 4.1 percent of its GDP on defense, up from 2 percent five years ago. Sweden, too, has doubled its defense spending. Germany, of course, is spending not just its regular defense budget but its special 100 billion euro fund introduced in response to the Russian invasion of Ukraine. There’s a ton of military equipment being ordered—and not nearly enough people with the skills to make it, producing massive backlogs at defense manufacturers. When it comes to the level of training needed to do a job, think tankers or bankers can’t hold a candle to submarine welders.

Amid the biggest problems: We don’t have enough people who know how to make things go boom. “In Sweden, we used to have a big explosives sector, both civilian and military—for example [explosives manufacturer] Nitro Nobel and [weapons-maker] Bofors,” Bo Janzon said. “People would graduate from university, and the companies would train people themselves, both at the manual worker level and at the academic level. But these days, the company-led explosives training barely exists anymore, nor do university courses in it.”

Janzon knows because he’s an explosives scientist himself. Until he retired in 2007, he spent four decades enhancing and studying explosives of all shapes and sizes at the Swedish Defence Research Agency, a career that included weapons and underwater effects, shaped charges, kinetic energy penetrators, advanced armors, land and underwater mine detection and clearance, humanitarian demining, IED and explosive detection and neutralization, wound ballistics, forensic ballistics, gunshot trauma, fragmentation warheads and effects, penetration mechanics, numerical continuum dynamic modeling, and more.

In the years immediately thereafter, he remained convinced that his field had a future. “I and others launched an explosives engineering course at KTH [the KTH Royal Institute of Technology in Stockholm] in the 1990s, but it was shelved due to lack of student interest.” In the 1990s, bomb-making was as unfashionable a career choice as could possibly be.

Then Janzon and other explosives gurus retired, and they did so not with a bang but with a whimper. Their skills were just not in demand anymore. In Sweden, the explosives and specialty chemicals empire that dynamite inventor Alfred Nobel had built was merged into foreign firms and faded, both in size and in public awareness. Western nations even outsourced the production of gunpowder to China.

Today, though, explosives expertise is in massive demand again because without that kick behind it all, the sophisticated military equipment being made is impotent. This spring, Ukraine’s ammunition shortage was so acute that soldiers often couldn’t counter Russian attacks. Kyiv’s Western friends are not in a position to resupply it at the same rate that Russia resupplies its troops. The United States and Europe only produce about 1.2 million pieces of ammunition per year, while Russia produces some 3 million, CNN reported in March.

This alarming state of affairs has prompted the Czech Republic to scour the world for existing ammo among non-Western countries that use the same Soviet-model equipment as Ukraine. The goal is to secure 800,000 such artillery shells. That wouldn’t help the West’s ammo production, though, and Ukraine would of course need more rounds even after receiving the 800,000 shells (if they can be procured).

“Today, people’s interest in work in the defense industry has increased significantly, but there is a lack of specialists and engineers in specialized areas, such as explosives development,” said Matthias Wachter, who leads the Department for International Cooperation, Security Policy, Raw Materials, and Space at the Federation of German Industries.

We need more explosives engineers, and that means more explosives professors. To be sure, mining companies still train explosives experts, and a few universities—such as Britain’s military-linked Cranfield—offer master’s degrees in explosives engineering. So, too, do state universities in mining-heavy U.S. states. But even though a few ordnance experts join the labor market each year, and even though some companies have managed to entice retired explosives engineers back to their factories, there aren’t enough members of this rarefied profession to satisfy the needs of the booming defense industry.

The problem will linger for years even if governments act now because explosives expertise can’t be gained on the quick. To even qualify for an academic program that can lead to a job in industry or an academic career, applicants must typically have a degree in civil engineering, chemistry, or physics. A few universities and vocational colleges also run rudimentary courses for technicians. Though the courses themselves are usually relatively short, a year or so, given the nature of explosives they naturally have to be followed by lengthy supervised training in the workplace.

There’s no blasting a shortcut to expertise. “The problem is just that explosives are very dangerous,” Janzon said. “You have to produce extremely high pressure, and the materials involved are enormously destructive. And explosives are also very difficult and very different from anything else. That’s why you need trained people.” Janzon is proud to still be in possession of all 10 of his fingers.

Explosives are no business for amateurs or the faint-hearted. Although it’s a good thing that a few retired explosives engineers here and there are still willing to do a stint in industry, these Cold War remnants won’t be able to single-handedly fill the gaps. Their rare younger colleagues need to train the next generation. That means universities—and most especially technical universities and colleges—need to start offering explosives degrees. Industry is good at providing practical training and product development, but it doesn’t teach the fundamentals, nor does it conduct much basic research.

But seats of higher learning can’t build the curriculum and model the workforce needed on their own. On the contrary, explosives engineering is the sort of specialization that requires government steering. If governments, industry, and academia work together to identify the explosives expertise needed and project the size of the future explosives workforce, we can hope for a sustainable future, explosives-wise.

Until then, our best hope is silver-haired scientists whose expertise was considered passé just a few years ago. But even in Sweden, where the Nobel empire created a veritable cadre of explosives experts, there are few left who are willing and able to return to the field or the lecture pulpit. These days, Janzon is often asked to teach and even to help out in industry. Being well into his 80s, he doesn’t feel he has the energy for it.

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ludmilachaibemachado · 4 months ago

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Eric Swayne, Pattie Boyd and David Bailey in 1964, just before Pattie got the role as a schoolgirl in A Hard Day's Night. Eric and Pattie dated for two years until she met George Harrison🌸🌸🌸

Eric was born in London during 1932; after graduating from school, he worked as a police officer like his father but was thrown off the force for re-tailoring his uniform and wearing unapproved socks. Eric moved to Paris where he worked as a bartender and manager of a coffee shop and got married. In 1960, separated from his wife, Eric returned to London and managed another coffee shop while becoming close friends with photographers, especially David. While not doing well financially, Eric became a photographer himself - worked for Vogue and other media resources, including advertisements. Eric remarried to Shirley Ann Hayes and had two sons, Thomas and Matthew, before divorcing. But during the 1980s, Eric went bankrupt and lost his photography studio while work dwindled. He died in 2007🌸🌸

"Eric was not good-looking but quite cool - he had long dark hair and a straight, fine nose - and good company: he made everyone laugh. He lived in a flat in Chelsea Studios, a fifties building next to Chelsea football ground, with the photographer David Hurn next door. Grace Coddington, another model, who later became a legendary figure at Vogue, had the flat above. Eric was 30 and came from the East End of London. He looked up to David Bailey, who was from the same area. Bailey photographed Jean Shrimpton and they were emerging as fashion's golden couple. I think Eric wanted to do for me what Bailey had done for Jean: he wanted to be my style guru. He wanted to show me how to do my hair and makeup and to help me with my modeling." -Pattie (2007)🌸

"Eric encouraged me to buy a camera and to ask questions of everybody I worked with, to check where they put their lights and to ask them about F stops. I was working and learning at the same time." -Pattie (2022)🌸

"I then dated photographer Eric Swayne for a year. He died in 2007 and I am close friends with his son Tom. I wasn't a go-getter girl. I was really shy." -Pattie (2018)🌸

Via @thebeatleswomen on Instagram🌸

#60s icons #girlsofthesixties #60s models #pattie boyd #eric swayne #david bailey #1964

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youremyheaven · 7 months ago

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English not my first language, Bharani Moon here.

A propos of Venus naks, (Bharani in particular). 5 months ago (I'm a widower and 65 yo) I experienced a need to return to spirituality. So I found a sort of monastery of Capuchin friars, where I confessed and found divine grace. I attended some spiritual meetings, we all held hands and sang religious hymns in a kind of karaoke with the words projected on the screen. At the beginning it was pleasant, but then it seemed to me more and more like an "americanata", as we define in Italy all the external things that tend to strike (in short, a braggadocio). The friar who held the meetings was enthusiastic and always the center of attention (we were arranged in a circle). He asked us first grade catechism questions and we had to answer them. After the second time I no longer went, thinking that if I had conducted those sessions they would undoubtedly have been much deeper and more engaging, especially regarding the real life of adult people and the sins we most fall into (we were all over 50 years old) . Back home, I spent hours writing my reflections on the Catholic religion, that is, everything that for me, based on my life experience, resonated very truthfully and sincerely. I simply realized that I was rewriting religion in my image and likeness, I was creating a particular sect where the only guru and disciple was me. As you explain well, it's a Bharani thing. As for the pleasure/pain dichotomy, this is also a very Venusian thing. In addition to the fact that others consider you attractive when you don't think so at all (I haven't liked looking in the mirror or taking selfies of myself for years). The fact is that we Venusians can know the maximum pleasure and the maximum pain, in separate phases of course, we are not masochists. Indeed, perhaps we are, so that we have a threshold of tolerance that is very high for both of them, tantric love comes to mind, to give an example, that is, prolonging pleasure indefinitely, let's say ecstasy, without letting it end in death of an orgasm, the little death). I have a natural propensity to indulge in the pleasures of the flesh (read sex), but my married life was not ideal, due to a wife who had many problems with chronic depression etc. Many times I had to fend for myself, to use an elegant euphemism. The flip side of the coin is the pain that comes from who knows where, unexpected but providential, to repair faults that you know you have committed deep within yourself and the sacredness of your body. Cluster headache. Five episodes from 2007 to 2021, for a total of almost 800 hours of excruciating and unbearable pain. Laughing at myself, now my name is Mister 800, almost as if it were a trophy I can brag about. Actually it is, I think it is, because I know what it cost me. In the USA they call it suicide migraine. Well, I'm still alive, although I basically feel like a survivor, a veteran, a refugee at home. To conclude, I also call myself uncle 120, for managing to keep myself chaste for 4 months after my return to the Grace of Lord. Difficult to understand, even I can't, but life is good... maybe the next one! :)

thank you so much for sharing your experiences as a Bharani Moon native <33 its so interesting how the internal corrosiveness of this nakshatra manifests in so many different ways including with actual physical discomfort/pain,, Venus is a planet of many contradictions and Venusian devotion and spirituality is so powerful. whenever I read about Sufism and how the Sufis think of God as love and the spiritual experience as one where you become "one with god", its always reminded me of Bharani natives<3

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charlidos · 7 months ago

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Hi I just wanted to say I absolutely love that you are talking about Viggo and Orlando. I just recently fell a bit into the rabbit hole because I adore Viggo and watching how him and Orlando became so close fascinates me so much. It’s crazy filling in the mysterious pieces because only 2 people really know what went on during that crazy time of their lives. I really hope you keep talking about them more because it’s such a lovely love they have for each other. Have a nice day! (:

All the years that have passed makes that rabbit hole pretty damn deep, eh? I thought I was just peeking, but I fell down and can't get out...

Well, Viggo is in his own right a deeply fascinating human, so one can dwell there for quite some time. One thing that I find particularly charming is that his creativity, his "artist-ness" doesn't seem to equal pretentiousness (although, I'm sure it can be interpreted that way). He has a very calm self-assuredness about him, which I think people around him find very reassuring. And for Orlando, it must have been such a blessing (even if, like he's said himself, he didn't fully appreciate it at the time, being so young) to have Viggo be the center of his world, those months and years in NZ, on his first big job. It's hard not to find it touching how they bonded, despite the age difference. When Orlando has mentioned this, they seem to have been talking a lot. In my mind, Orlando is like a disciple to his guru, Viggo the benevolent king of his heart.

What happened between them, on set and after is indeed shrouded in an enchanting vail of mystery. And what happened sometime after 2007? Why did they lose touch? Did Hollywood lure Orlando away? Was Viggo too difficult to pin down? Or did their paths just diverge too much?

A particularly appealing fantasy how you can imagine Viggo created some of his art and poetry with Orlando in mind. It's such a romantic notion. And those poems are quite romantic too, angsty, mysterious and beautiful. It's easy to imagine Viggo being inspired by his devoted, and oh-so pretty disciple out and about in the breathtaking wilderness of NZ.

(Took this ask and ran with it. Seems I have still more to say... I've been reading too much fanfiction. Living in pure fantasy world.)

#viggo mortensen #orlando bloom #viggorli #lord of the rings

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hag-lad · 10 days ago

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List 5 songs you like to listen to, then publish this and send this ask to the last 5 people in your notifs <3🎶

This is so cute! I’ll just post what I’ve currently got on repeat. They’re all from Indian movie soundtracks, lmao.

Barso Re, from Guru (2007)

Vaana Vaana, from Gang Leader (1991)

Dindhora Baje Re, from Rocky Aur Rani (2023)

Nairey Nairey, from Andrwhala (2003)

SteppaMaar, from Double iSmart (2024)

#remember when i was a prog metal snob?#there are brand new albums from NIGHTWISH and DEVIN TOWNSEND and i��m still just fixated on indian movie soundtracks #THEY’RE JUST TOO GOOD!!!#there are so many textures and such rich variety of instrumentation.#very stimmy!!!#indian cinema fanboy things

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theinfinitedivides · 4 months ago

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'barso re, megha megha, barso re, megha megha, barso re, megha barso...' — barso re | guru, 2007, dir. mani ratnam.

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goyountokki · 2 months ago

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Go Younjung's Movies and Series Recommendation

It is known among fans that actress Go Younjung loves to spend her spare time watching movies and share her watching list through instagram posts. Let's check out all the movies and series that Go Younjung has recommended.

Fight Club (1999)

Synopsis An unnamed narrator (played by Edward Norton) who is discontented with his white-collar job forms a "fight club" with a soap salesman Tyler Durden (played by Brad Pitt), and becomes embroiled in a relationship with an impoverished but beguilingly attractive woman, Marla Singer (played by Bonham Carter). This movie is based on the 1996 novel by Chuck Palahniuk <Fight Club>.

The Big Short (2015)

Synopsis In 2008, Wall Street guru Michael Burry realizes that a number of subprime home loans are in danger of defaulting. Burry bets against the housing market by throwing more than $1 billion of his investors' money into credit default swaps. His actions attract the attention of banker Jared Vennett (Ryan Gosling), hedge-fund specialist Mark Baum (Steve Carell) and other greedy opportunists. Together, these men make a fortune by taking full advantage of the impending economic collapse in America.

The Lives of Others (2007)

Synopsis In 1983 East Berlin, dedicated Stasi officer Gerd Wiesler (Ulrich Mühe), doubting that a famous playwright (Sebastian Koch) is loyal to the Communist Party, receives approval to spy on the man and his actress-lover Christa-Maria (Martina Gedeck). Wiesler becomes unexpectedly sympathetic to the couple, then faces conflicting loyalties when his superior takes a liking to Christa-Maria and orders Wiesler to get the playwright out of the way.

Seven (1995)

Synopsis Set in an unnamed, crime-ridden city, Seven's narrative follows disenchanted, nearly retired detective William Somerset (Freeman) and his newly transferred partner David Mills (Pitt) as they try to stop a serial killer from committing a series of murders based on the seven deadly sins.

No Country for Old Men (2007)

Synopsis While out hunting, Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin) finds the grisly aftermath of a drug deal. Though he knows better, he cannot resist the cash left behind and takes it with him. The hunter becomes the hunted when a merciless killer named Chigurh (Javier Bardem) picks up his trail. Also looking for Moss is Sheriff Bell (Tommy Lee Jones), an aging lawman who reflects on a changing world and a dark secret of his own, as he tries to find and protect Moss.

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Synopsis It is the first year of Germany's occupation of France. Allied officer Lt. Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt) assembles a team of Jewish soldiers to commit violent acts of retribution against the Nazis, including the taking of their scalps. He and his men join forces with Bridget von Hammersmark, a German actress and undercover agent, to bring down the leaders of the Third Reich. Their fates converge with theater owner Shosanna Dreyfus, who seeks to avenge the Nazis' execution of her family.

The Hateful Eight (2015)

Synopsis While racing toward the town of Red Rock in post-Civil War Wyoming, bounty hunter John "The Hangman" Ruth (Kurt Russell) and his fugitive prisoner (Jennifer Jason Leigh) encounter another bounty hunter (Samuel L. Jackson) and a man who claims to be a sheriff. Hoping to find shelter from a blizzard, the group travels to a stagecoach stopover located on a mountain pass. Greeted there by four strangers, the eight travelers soon learn that they may not make it to their destination after all.

Gran Torino (2009)

Synopsis Retired auto worker and Korean War vet Walt Kowalski (Clint Eastwood) fills emptiness in his life with beer and home repair, despising the many Asian, Latino and black families in his neighborhood. Walt becomes a reluctant hero when he stands up to the gangbangers who tried to force an Asian teen to steal Walt's treasured car. An unlikely friendship develops between Walt and the teen, as he learns he has more in common with his neighbors than he thought.

Dallas Buyers Club (2013)

Synopsis In mid-1980s Texas, electrician Ron Woodroof (Matthew McConaughey) is stunned to learn that he has AIDS. Though told that he has just 30 days left to live, Woodroof refuses to give in to despair. He seeks out alternative therapies and smuggles unapproved drugs into the U.S. from wherever he can find them. Woodroof joins forces with a fellow AIDS patient (Jared Leto) and begins selling the treatments to the growing number of people who can't wait for the medical establishment to save them.

Becoming Who I Was (2017)

Synopsis After being identified as the reincarnation of a venerated Buddhist master, young Padma Angdu makes an arduous journey with his aging guardian from Northern India to Tibet to find his rightful place in the world.

American Psycho (2000)

Synopsis In New York City in 1987, a handsome, young urban professional, Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale), lives a second life as a gruesome serial killer by night. The cast is filled by the detective (Willem Dafoe), the fiance (Reese Witherspoon), the mistress (Samantha Mathis), the coworker (Jared Leto), and the secretary (Chloë Sevigny). This is a biting, wry comedy examining the elements that make a man a monster.

Cinema Paradiso (1988)

Synopsis Young Salvatore Di Vita (Salvatore Cascio) discovers the perfect escape from life in his war-torn Sicilian village: the Cinema Paradiso movie house, where projectionist Alfredo (Philippe Noiret) instills in the boy a deep love of films. When Salvatore grows up, falls in love with a beautiful local girl (Agnese Nano) and takes over as the Paradiso's projectionist, Alfredo must convince Salvatore to leave his small town and pursue his passion for filmmaking.

Django Unchained (2012)

Synopsis Two years before the Civil War, Django (Jamie Foxx), a slave, finds himself accompanying an unorthodox German bounty hunter named Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz) on a mission to capture the vicious Brittle brothers. Their mission successful, Schultz frees Django, and together they hunt the South's most-wanted criminals. Their travels take them to the infamous plantation of shady Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio), where Django's long-lost wife (Kerry Washington) is still a slave.

Monster (2003)

Synopsis The film follows serial killer Aileen Wuornos, a street prostitute who murdered seven of her male clients between 1989 and 1990 and was executed in Florida in 2002. It stars Charlize Theron as Wuornos and Christina Ricci as her semi-fictionalized lover, Selby Wall (based on Wuornos's real-life girlfriend, Tyria Moore).

Black Mirror (2011)

Black Mirror is a British anthology television series created by Charlie Brooker. The series explores various genres, with most episodes set in near-future dystopias containing sci-fi technology—a type of speculative fiction. The series is inspired by The Twilight Zone and uses the themes of technology and media to comment on contemporary social issues.

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs (2018)

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs is a 2018 American Western anthology film written, directed, produced, and edited by the Coen brothers. It stars Tim Blake Nelson, Tyne Daly, James Franco, Brendan Gleeson, Bill Heck, Grainger Hines, Zoe Kazan, Harry Melling, Liam Neeson, Jonjo O'Neill, Chelcie Ross, Saul Rubinek, and Tom Waits. It consists of six vignettes set on the American frontier.

We Need to Talk about Kevin (2011)

Eva Khatchadourian (Tilda Swinton) is a travel writer/publisher who gives up her beloved freedom and bohemian lifestyle to have a child with her husband, Franklin (John C. Reilly). Pregnancy does not seem to agree with Eva, but what's worse, when she does give birth to a baby boy named Kevin, she can't seem to bond with him. When Kevin grows from a fussy, demanding toddler (Rocky Duer) into a sociopathic teen (Ezra Miller), Eva is forced to deal with the aftermath of her son's horrific act.

Stranger Things (2016)

(Picture above is drawn by Go Younjung herself)

Set in the 1980s, the series centers around the residents of the fictional small town of Hawkins, Indiana, as they are plagued by a hostile alternate dimension known as the Upside Down, after a nearby human experimentation facility opens a gateway between Earth and the Upside Down.

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Vincent Vega (John Travolta) and Jules Winnfield (Samuel L. Jackson) are hitmen with a penchant for philosophical discussions. In this ultra-hip, multi-strand crime movie, their storyline is interwoven with those of their boss, gangster Marsellus Wallace (Ving Rhames) ; his actress wife, Mia (Uma Thurman) ; struggling boxer Butch Coolidge (Bruce Willis) ; master fixer Winston Wolfe (Harvey Keitel) and a nervous pair of armed robbers, "Pumpkin" (Tim Roth) and "Honey Bunny" (Amanda Plummer).

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (2008)

During World War II, 8-year-old Bruno (Asa Butterfield) and his family leave Berlin to take up residence near the concentration camp where his father (David Thewlis) has just become commandant. Unhappy and lonely, he wanders out behind his house one day and finds Shmuel (Jack Scanlon), a Jewish boy of his age. Though the barbed-wire fence of the camp separates them, the boys begin a forbidden friendship, oblivious to the real nature of their surroundings.

Bleak Night (2010)

Bleak Night is a 2010 South Korean coming-of-age drama film written and directed by Yoon Sung-hyun. The film is about a father's search for answers following his son's death, and the shifting dynamics at play among three high-school friends.

Chernobyl (2019)

Chernobyl is a 2019 historical drama television miniseries that revolves around the Chernobyl disaster of 1986 and the cleanup efforts that followed.

Gone Girl (2014)

In Carthage, Mo., former New York-based writer Nick Dunne and his glamorous wife Amy present a portrait of a blissful marriage to the public; when Amy goes missing on the couple's fifth wedding anniversary, Nick becomes the prime suspect in her disappearance; the resulting police pressure and media frenzy cause the Dunnes' image of a happy union to crumble, leading to tantalizing questions about who Nick and Amy truly are.

Before Sunrise (1995)

On his way to Vienna, American Jesse (Ethan Hawke) meets Celine (Julie Delpy), a student returning to Paris. After long conversations forge a surprising connection between them, Jesse convinces Celine to get off the train with him in Vienna. Since his flight to the U.S. departs the next morning and he has no money for lodging, they wander the city together, taking in the experiences of Vienna and each other. As the night progresses, their bond makes separating in the morning a difficult choice.

Joint Security Area (2000)

Joint Security Area is set in the Korean Demilitarized Zone separating the countries of North Korea and South Korea and revolves around a fatal shooting incident involving soldiers from both sides, which leads the Neutral Nations Supervisory Commission to investigate and gradually unveil the unexpected truth.

Ford v Ferrari (2019)

American automotive designer Carroll Shelby and fearless British race car driver Ken Miles battle corporate interference, the laws of physics and their own personal demons to build a revolutionary vehicle for the Ford Motor Co. Together, they plan to compete against the race cars of Enzo Ferrari at the 24 Hours of Le Mans in France in 1966.

Memories of Murder (2003)

In 1986, Park (Song Kang-ho) and Cho (Kim Roi-ha) are two simple-minded detectives assigned to a double murder investigation in a South Korean province. But when the murderer strikes several more times with the same pattern, the detectives realize that they are chasing the country's first documented serial killer. Relying on only their basic skills and tools, Park and Jo attempt to piece together the clues and solve the case in this thriller based on true events.

Million Dollars Baby (2004)

Frankie Dunn (Clint Eastwood) is a veteran Los Angeles boxing trainer who keeps almost everyone at arm's length, except his old friend and associate Eddie "Scrap Iron" Dupris (Morgan Freeman). When Maggie Fitzgerald (Hilary Swank) arrives in Frankie's gym seeking his expertise, he is reluctant to train the young woman, a transplant from working-class Missouri. Eventually, he relents, and the two form a close bond that will irrevocably change them both.

Enemy at the Gates (2001)

Vassili (Jude Law) is a young Russian sharpshooter who becomes a legend when a savvy polical officer (Joseph Fiennes) makes him the hero of his propaganda campaign. Their friendship is threatened when both men fall in love with a beautiful female soldier (Rachel Weisz). As the battle for the city rages, Vassili faces the ultimate challenge when the Nazi command dispatches its most elite marksman (Ed Harris) to hunt down and kill the man who has become the hope of all Russia.

Brokeback Mountain (2005)

In 1963, rodeo cowboy Jack Twist and ranch hand Ennis Del Mar are hired by rancher Joe Aguirre as sheep herders in Wyoming. One night on Brokeback Mountain, Jack makes a drunken pass at Ennis that is eventually reciprocated. Though Ennis marries his longtime sweetheart, Alma and Jack marries a fellow rodeo riders, the two men keep up their tortured and sporadic affair over the course of 20 years.

Check the next recommendation post here

#goyounjung #고윤정 #goyoonjung

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chambudvipa · 2 months ago

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My best gay movie in Thailand and the best love movie of Poj Anont.

Bangkok Love Story (เพื่อน…กูรักมึงว่ะ) (2007 (B.E. 2550))

Director: Poj Anont

Staring: Rattanabanlang Tosawat, Chaiwat Saengthong

Production Company: Guru Film

Distributor: Sahamongkol Film

#gay #gay film #lgbtq films #gay movies

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orphancookie69 · 1 year ago

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Now Watching: The Saw Cinematic Universe!

This is one of my favorite cinematic universes. I have always loved these movies. Its horror, but done right. Scary for the right reasons, but not cheap jump scares. Music is great, who doesn't love Billy? I just recently watched Saw X and decided to make a post or two about it!

Saw (2004)

Photographer Adam Stanheight (Leigh Whannell) and oncologist Lawrence Gordon (Cary Elwes) regain consciousness while chained to pipes at either end of a filthy bathroom. As the two men realize they've been trapped by a sadistic serial killer nicknamed "Jigsaw" and must complete his perverse puzzle to live, flashbacks relate the fates of his previous victims. Meanwhile, Dr. Gordon's wife (Monica Potter) and young daughter (Makenzie Vega) are forced to watch his torture via closed-circuit video.

Saw II (2005)

On the hunt for the twisted vigilante and serial killer Jigsaw (Tobin Bell), Detective Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg) and his team must apprehend the elusive murderer to rescue eight people trapped in an abandoned house, before they succumb to his torturous and murderous games. One twist to this task is that Matthews' own son, Daniel (Erik Knudsen), is among the eight people Jigsaw has chosen to test for their lack of morality. With nerve gas pumping through the house, every second counts.

Saw III (2006)

Dr. Lynn Denlon (Bahar Soomekh) becomes a pawn in the Jigsaw Killer's (Tobin Bell) latest gory game. Kidnapped and taken to an abandoned warehouse, she finds Jigsaw bedridden and dying. Her task is to keep the maniac alive long enough for Jeff (Angus Macfadyen), a fellow victim, to complete his own task. Each is unaware that Jigsaw has much bigger -- and deadlier -- plans in store.

Saw IV (2007)

During the autopsy of serial killer Jigsaw (Tobin Bell), a cassette tape is discovered in his stomach in which he warns that his gory games will continue. Sure enough, SWAT Lt. Daniel Rigg (Lyriq Bent) is forced to follow a blood-drenched trail of torture, dismemberment and death in order to find two missing colleagues. A pair of FBI profilers follow Riggs, suspecting he might be Jigsaw's accomplice, even as they unlock the puzzle of the killer's origins, seen in gruesome flashbacks.

Saw V (2008)

Despite the fact that fiendish serial killer Jigsaw is dead, his work lives on through a new apprentice, Lieutenant Mark Hoffman, a cop who appeared to be hot on the murderer's trail. As fellow lawman Agent Peter Strahm begins to suspect Hoffman is Jigsaw's protégé, the fledgling killer sets out to dispose of him.

Saw VI (2009)

With Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) still directing events from beyond the grave, Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) emerges as the heir to the killer's twisted legacy. But as the FBI closes in, Hoffman sets in motion a game that is designed to reveal Jigsaw's grand scheme.

Saw 3D (2010)

As a fierce battle rages over Jigsaw's (Tobin Bell) terrible legacy, survivors seek support from a fellow survivor and self-help guru, who has a few dark secrets of his own. Meanwhile, crooked cop Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) seeks revenge against Jigsaw's wife and an author who has his own story.

Jigsaw (2017)

After a series of murders bearing all the markings of the Jigsaw killer, law enforcement officials find themselves chasing the ghost of a man who has been dead for over a decade, and they become embroiled in a new game that's only just begun. Is John Kramer back from the dead to remind the world to be grateful for the gift of life? Or is this a trap set by a killer with designs of his own?

Spiral (2021)

Working in the shadow of his father, Detective Ezekiel "Zeke" Banks and his rookie partner take charge of an investigation into grisly murders that are eerily reminiscent of the city's gruesome past. Unwittingly entrapped in a deepening mystery, Zeke finds himself at the center of the killer's morbid game.

Saw X (2023)

Hoping for a miraculous cure, John Kramer travels to Mexico for a risky and experimental medical procedure, only to discover the entire operation is a scam to defraud the most vulnerable. Armed with a newfound purpose, the infamous serial killer uses deranged and ingenious traps to turn the tables on the con artists.

Great series. I love this. There is no movie quite like this set, and its inspired movies since its inception. Different people have been involved in it, but it has always retained its quirks. Tobin Bell is amazing. If you have not seen any of them, look out for the chronological order post to see how to properly experience this!

#now watching #saw #cinematic universe #saw 2 #saw 3 #saw 4 #saw 5 #saw 6 #saw 7 #saw 8 #saw 9 #saw 10 #horror #highly recommend #movie theatres

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