#guilt andy barber

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

compos mentis 8

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, chronic health issues, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: After a long court case, your mother stays attached to her lawyer, bringing even more contention into your life.

Characters: Andy Barber

Note: my head is fucked

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Andy brings you breakfast in bed. You can't help but feel the guilt rippling off him. All of this is penance on his part. 

It's as close to vindication as you'll get. You're mother would never admit what she did, let alone apologise. That's when you see her again. You're not so sure you ever want to. 

The world is distant. It doesn't feel quite real. It's like a dream. The edges aren't quite sharp enough and the colours are cloudy. 

You look down at the plate and your stomach grumbles out of basic need. You don't have much appetite but your biology is at a constant battle with your mind. You shouldn't be able to breathe but you are, you should take your meds but you don't feel all that different.  

A poached egg, whole wheat toast, turkey bacons, and thick greek yogurt with fruit. It's all very healthy but a bit more than you would eat, when you feel up to it. Your breakfasts are a hard-boiled egg or a small cup of hot oats and milk. 

"I hope it's okay," he hovers at the foot of the bed. He's dressed already. You're less than put together. You're still groggy from a grief-laden sleep and the hangover of the bitter revelation. You wear his borrowed shirt and gym shorts, your messy hair untamed despite your efforts.  

"I called in to the office. I don't think I could focus of I tried," he explains. "And there's too much to be done here." 

"There is?" You nibble the toast. 

You'd hoped for some time alone. Not to think, just to be. You're still lost in all of this. The anger, the hurt, the regret, the confusion, and shame... 

"Sweetie, you don't have any clothes. I have a spare toothbrush for you but it's a travel one from a hotel. And you'll need everything else, right? Soaps and whatever." 

"Oh, I... I don't... my mom has all my money..." you utter and deflate again. You put down the toast. Your stomach is roaring but you just want to puke again.  

"I'll deal with that. Don't worry. She's not as clever as she thinks." He puts his hands on his hips. He does that when he's upset. He used to argue with your mom and stand like that. "Please, eat. Your clothes should be dry soon." 

"My clothes?" 

"I threw them in the wash for you--" his sentence is punctured by the doorbell. His jaw ticks. "I'll deal with that. Probably Mrs. Potter trying to give me more casserole." 

He leaves and you put your focus on the plate. You shouldn't just eat because you're hungry, you should eat because he went to all this effort. You pick up a slice of toast and break through the soft yolk. 

You eat deliberately. Chewing slowly, methodically. A shrill yowl tightens your throat around a swallow. You know that shriek. 

You carefully slide the tray forward and balance it on the legs as you angle out from beneath. You go to the window and try to see past the eaves and awning. You can't. Only the police cruiser and a familiar car... 

You listen. The noise wafts in from the bedroom door. You follow it and peer down at the front door. It's muffled but clearly coming from the porch. 

You twist the handle nervously and open the door a crack. You can't see past Andy as he stands staunchly on the mat, arms crossed. You glance an officer's belt with the radio attached and your mother's snarl lashes you like a barb. 

"He has my daughter. She's sick--" 

"She's an adult," Andy insists. "I'm not holding her against her will." 

"She can't-- I am her legal guardian. She can't be here on free will, genius." 

"Ma'am," a stern female voice warns. "Sir, where is the daughter?" 

"She's sleeping." He lies. 

You let the door fall inward. You don't want to be in trouble. No one seems to notice. You stall and shiver on the threshold. It isn't cold, you're just scared. 

You make yourself step out. There's not much room. As Andy stands like a wall. You peek around him. 

"Hi," you murmur. 

"My baby," your mother throws her hands up and comes forward. Andy moves to block her. "You can't keep me from my girl-- where is her oxygen? Officers, she needs air!" 

“No, I don’t,” you say, quiet but firm. 

Your mother flinches but doesn’t relent, “he’s manipulated her. I can call the doctor right now and you’ll see. She hasn’t been without her tank in years. She could die--” 

“That’s not true,” you murmur. 

“Ma’am,” the female officer warns. “Let her speak.” 

You look around with wide eyes, taking in the full scene. Andy stands just behind you, you can hear him exhale. A male officer is on the other side of your mother. You open your mouth then shut it. 

“Sweetie,” your mother reaches for you and you shy away. 

“Alright, Jackson, you stay here, I’m going to talk to her. Alone,” the female officer says. She reaches out and waves you to her delicately. “You wanna come with me? We can talk. Just you and me.” 

You gulp and look at Andy. His blue eyes blaze as he meets your gaze. He dips his chin slightly. You turn back and nod. As you cross the porch, your mother tries to latch onto you. The other officer, Jackson, pulls her back. 

You sidle past her and follow the woman. She takes you to the curb. You look down at your bare feet then at her. 

“I’m Officer Patel. What’s your name?” She asks. 

You answer and she shifts so you can’t see the house. “Me and my partner came because we got a call about a possible abduction. We’re just here to hear the full story. What’s going on here?” 

You rub your neck and fidget. You can’t tell her the truth. Not the full truth. You can’t tell her your mom lied to you. Not even that she hit you. You don’t want to go back to court. You don’t want to tell everyone how stupid and pathetic you are. 

“I’m here.... because I want to be,” you shrug. 

“Your mother says there was an argument.” 

You chew your lip, “she couldn’t find her pills. She left. I don't know... I don’t know why she came back.” Your chin trembles and you clasp your hands on your shirt hem. You sway back and forth. “She doesn’t love me.” 

You hang your head. That’s it. What you always knew deep down. What’s so clear now that she’s ground you into dust. You’re nothing to her so she made you into nothing at all. 

“She’s your mom, I’m sure you two will work this out. Me and my partner are just making sure you’re safe. We were told that man is keeping you here without consent.” 

You flinch and shake your head furiously. You wave your hands, “no, no. Andy... Andy helped me and... I shouldn’t be here because... because... because I’m a loser and.... my mom... my mom...” you stutter. “She doesn’t want me.” 

“She says you’re sick? You need oxygen?” She prompts. 

You twiddle your fingers. “No, not really. Not... all the time. I can breathe, see?” 

She watches you, “right. How old are you, miss?” 

“Twenty-four.” 

She nods. “You’re not a minor?” 

“No,” you blurt out. Many assume as much, especially with you always hiding behind your mom. “No, I’m an... adult.” 

“Do you want to press charges against anyone?” 

“Charges? For what?” You wonder. 

She sighs. “You’re free to go. You’re grown up and you can make your own choices without mom.” She tuts and turns to look across the lawn, “Jackson, come on.” 

You peer over. Andy stands, arms crossed, staring at you. Your mother rears like a snake, muttering under her breath. You head back up the walk and Officer Patel speaks again. 

“You have to leave, Ma’am.” 

You stop and peek over your shoulder. Patel points to your mother, “we will escort you if need be.” 

Jackson looks at her. She snarls and stomps her foot, “oh don’t you even think of touching me.” She huffs and storms past him. She comes down the steps and you think for an instant, she might push you. She stops beside you. “I took care of you, sweetie. Do you think he will for long? After he figures out what you are?” 

She continues past you. You continue up the paved squares and past Officer Jackson as he follows. As you come up to the steps, you hear the engines turn over. You’re suddenly very tired. 

“Andy,” you drag your feet over the mat. “I want to lay down.” 

“Alright, honey. We’ll sort everything out later,” he turns and stretches his arm across the door frame as you enter.  

He shuts the door as you stagger on, eyes hazy with tears. Your own mother despises you. She’s right about him too. He’ll hate you one day but you don’t know what to do to change any of this. 

💙

Andy makes you finish breakfast before you lay down. He’s right. It’s good for you to eat and you haven’t been doing a lot of that. 

You lay down for an hour before you sense him getting restless. You can hear him downstairs. You can’t be lazy. You don’t have any excuses anymore. You’re not sick, just weak. 

You make yourself get up and venture downstairs. He’s in the kitchen, flicking through his phone as it rests on the counter. You clear your throat and wring your hands as you enter. 

“I’m sorry. I was upset. It’s really stupid but sometimes I just... can’t do anything. Even if I try. I’m sorry, Andy. I’m... so sorry.” 

He faces you and his face contorts in a spectrum of emotion, “oh, honey, you don’t need to be sorry. I put your clothes on the couch for you. Just waiting. Take your time.” 

“Waiting for me,” you frown and look at the floor. “My mom lied. A lot. But I don’t think she was wrong about everything.” 

“What do you mean?” He shifts closer. 

You shrug, “me. I’m... I’m useless.” 

“No,” his voice hardens. “No, take it back.” 

“What?” You pout and bat your eyes as you peek up at him. 

“You’re not going to talk about yourself like that. Not with me. So take it back.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry--” 

“Apologise to yourself,” he insists staunchly. “Honey, don’t let her control you. She’s gone.” 

“But... but...” 

“You’re adjusting. I understand that. I’m not expecting you to be okay right now. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with me. We’re both... figuring this out.” 

You nod and your lips twitch. You could cry. 

“Thanks, er, I’ll... change then. Um, Andy... are we going somewhere?” 

“Sure, sweetheart. I mentioned earlier, didn’t I? About clothes? I tried to get the officers to agree to an escort to go to your mom’s but you saw her. She’s not in her right mind,” he explains. 

“Yeah, that makes sense,” you flutter your fingers nervously and he looks down at them. You clasp them over your chest to make them stop. “I’ll hurry up then.” 

You turn and scurry out. You go into the front room and grab the neatly folded clothes. He keeps everything so tidy and in its place. You go to the bathroom and set it on the counter. 

As you take your panties from between the jeans and tee shirt, you hesitate. It’s a bit embarrassing to think of him washing your underwear. You could’ve done it if he showed you where the machines are. 

You shrug it off. You’re just happy he helped. It’s a nice feeling when people do things for you. 

You change and bring out the borrowed clothes. Andy is still in the kitchen. You stand in the doorway. 

“Where do I put these?” You ask. 

He pops his head up and tucks away his phone, “oh, I can take care of them.” 

“Thanks, Andy, but uh, could I see? I’d like to know where everything is so I can help.” 

“Help?” He approaches and takes the clothes, his hands brushing over yours. “With what?” 

“I don’t know, everything?” You say. “You helped me so much and I want to do the same. I want to be useful. I want to be... better.” 

The tension leaves his shoulder and he smiles. “Alright, sure, that’s nice of you.” He goes to step past you then stops. “Sweetheart, you know, your mom is wrong. About everything. You’re an amazing girl. Really, you’re wonderful. And today, I want you to try as much as you can to forget. I want you to feel good about you, because you should. Because you deserve it.” 

You swallow and bounce nervously on your feet, “Andy, you’re so nice.” 

“I’m just being honest. Should’ve tried that a lot sooner,” he says. 

[navybrat817]

For your ficlets, how about Andy Barber and notes tucked beneath your morning coffee. And let’s go fluffy, since it leans that way and it’s a ficlet 🤣 (that said, spicy could be fun too 😉)

I added a touch of angst (not much!). I hope you don't mind!

Post-It Notes

Pairing: Andy Barber x Female Reader

Summary: You like to surprise Andy with post-it notes.

Word Count: Over 750

Warnings: Established relationship, fluff, touch of angst and insecurities, comfort, feels, Andy Barber (he's a warning, okay?)

A/N: Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @saradika-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

The first post-it note you left for Andy was in his briefcase. You wrote, “Have a great day!” with a smiley face and heart. It was a silly thing really. You just wanted to do something to make him smile when he went to work.

“I loved the note, honey,” he told you once he got home, showing you that he kept it, too.

It became your new thing after that.

It was fun thinking of new places to hide notes for him. In the dresser drawers, tucked inside of his favorite book, in his lunch container. You managed to sneak one into his wallet once and even in his glove compartment when he wasn’t looking. It was almost like a game and you imagined his smile or chuckle every time he found one when you weren’t around.

The notes came in different colors and shapes. You tried to come up with different kinds of quotes, too, that ranged from telling him to have a good day to how much you loved him to how sexy he was. You wanted each to feel special and to be a surprise.

“You spoil me,” he smiled when he found one in his tacklebox during a weekend trip.

For some reason you worried after a few weeks that he’d get sick of the notes and you stopped leaving them for him for a short time. You weren’t sure why you suddenly felt insecure about them. It wasn’t like he said anything. It just felt… Well, like you were being clingy or too much.

“Morning,” Andy smiled when you ventured into the kitchen. He was already at the island sipping his coffee, dressed in his usual suit sans the jacket. He had a mug ready for you, too.

“Morning,” you smiled back, greeting him with a kiss. “Mmm. Caffeine,” you said happily, your hands warming as they wrapped around the mug and inhaling as you lifted it up to your face.

“Yep,” he smirked, looking at you expectantly as he took another sip.

“What?” you asked curiously. You knew that look. What was he up to?

His eyes flickered to where your mug was sitting before he looked at your face again. Glancing down, you gasped when you spotted the post-it note. You recognized Andy’s handwriting and smiled when you read it: “I’ll always love you, honey.”

“You…” you set the mug down so you could trace the letters with your finger. “You left me a post-it note.”

“Well, you’re always leaving them for me, and they brighten my day. I wanted to do the same for you,” he explained, your face falling a bit since you hadn’t given him a note in days. “Are you okay?”

“I thought they’d annoy you after a while, so I stopped.” You smiled sadly when you faced him. He looked heartbroken, and you felt like an idiot. “And it was nothing you said or did, okay? I promise. You know I just get in my own head sometimes.”

Everyone had moments like that when the mean voice won.

“You really don’t know much they mean to me, do you, honey?” he asked quietly, stepping away before you could answer. “Hold on.”

You sipped your coffee while you waited for him to come back, staring at the post-it note again as guilt churned in your stomach. It was so sweet of him to do that. Why did you doubt yourself?

“Here,” he said, coming back into the kitchen with a small album in hand. You hadn’t seen it before. “Take a look.”

Flipping it open and looking through the pages, tears clogged your throat. It was every single note you had given him, each one carefully preserved. “You saved all of them,” you whispered, a tear slipping out from the corner of your eye.

“Of course, I did.” His beard tickled your cheek as he kissed it away. “They mean everything to me, and so do you.”

Turning your head, you brushed your lips against his thanks. A thank you for keeping them, for assuring you, and for loving you. “I’ll keep leaving them then.”

“And I can’t wait to figure out where you hide the next one,” he said, slipping his arms around your waist. “You know, it’s still early. I think we should go back to bed.”

“But you’re already dressed,” you teased. “Never stopped us before,” he chuckled, kissing you again.

Having a partner like Andy made you feel blessed, and you couldn’t wait to leave him another note.

Love and thanks for participating! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[georgiapeach30513]

Two Good Reasons, Part 3

Summary: Andy wants to know your truth

Pairings: Andy Barber X Reader

Rating: mature

Warnings:  mild language, insecurities concerning reproduction, mentions of spousal neglect, mentions of cheating, touching in public, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 6.3K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

“Grab your things,” Andy says before he’s even fully exited Ransom’s office. Your boss’ face goes slack, and he looks at Andy with disdain. “This isn’t a request. We’re going for coffee.”

Your eyes ping pong from Ransom to Andy, and you politely shake your head no. You need the job, and it didn’t look professional if Andy demands you to leave. Ransom is the boss, “I have to work. This is business hours. And when I’m done I need to go pick up,” you gulp. Your eyes fall on Andy, and you shamefully shake your head.

“I know. I’ll make sure you make it to pick them up on time,” you look towards Ransom again, unsure of why you want to deny an actual conversation with Andy. Shame didn’t feel like the right word. You did nothing wrong. And yet there’s this gut wrenching guilt you feel, and you’re not sure why, “Ransom, she’s taking the rest of the day off.”

“I-I-I ugh,” groaning at the reality you’re in. You were not supposed to be worrying about things like this, “I can’t afford to.”

“He’s giving you paid leave,” Ransom groans behind you, but Andy grabs your coat anyways. “Doe,” there’s something in the tone of his voice, the look in his eyes, and the way his hand slightly flinches towards you. He isn’t angry. He seems caring.

You stand up, leaving Ransom’s mouth slightly gaping at you, but you nod your farewell. It sounds like whatever this coffee conversation is, will take the rest of the day. “Sloane, can you tell Willow to cancel my day,” Sloane answers quickly, looking to you a bit confused, and you walk side by side with Andy Barber. Something you haven’t done in awhile.

“You drink your coffee the same?” You stutter a moment, “Doe, iced shaken latte?”

“Yeah,” how is he remembering this? And why? The answer that you refuse to let pass through your brain. You can’t go there right now. “But with oat milk now,” he gives you a sincere smile, motioning his head in a corner.

“That’s my table. Lots of privacy. I’ll be over there once I have the coffees,” your mind is reeling. Whatever happened in Ransom’s office, Andy’s coldness is now morphed into how he was. Especially that night. The way his hands brushed over every inch of your skin, and made you feel alive for the first time in years.

The ride here was brief, but so quiet. Andy’s fingers drummed on his knee, keeping rhythm to the music, and you hated yourself a bit for being the obedient quiet woman. You want to pick his brain, and ask what changed. He knew about the kids. You’re assuming he knows about Scott. They might not be in the same office, but they could have seen each other around. Been in the courtroom together. Anything.

Andy gives you a warm smile as he hands the cup to you. You take a slow drink, and smile up at him, “You remembered the vanilla bean powder.”

“It’s part of your order. Why the switch to oat milk?”

You take a sip, refusing to meet his eyes. You’re not ashamed you have children, you’re ashamed this is how the conversation is had. He knows, and not from you. “My youngest, Suede, has a lot of allergies and intolerances, and one is lactose. So it was easier for us all to make the switch. Audrey liked the taste of oat milk best. Suede doesn’t care as long as I make him chocolate sauce.”

His eyes light up as he takes a drink from his cup. You wonder if he still drinks his coffee with light cream. Or even if he would use plant based milk. “You make chocolate sauce?”

“When I make it, I don’t have to worry about whether Suede can have it,” so much of the eating habits changed when you learned that he had allergies. It wasn’t a hesitation for you. It wasn’t at first with Scott, until it became an inconvenience.

“How many children do you have?”

“Just the two,” you sigh, looking at his thick fingers. Andy was never shy about wanting a family, and you fear that now that you can’t give him that, things have been ruined before they can begin again. You can sense the question lingering on his tongue, and yet, he’s too nice to say anything. “You can ask.”

“I’d rather you just tell me, this is us as friends catching up,” of course he’d be the gentleman. He’d say the right things. Do the right things. But you aren’t putting yourself into this line of questioning if that isn’t what he wants to know. “It’ll sound insensitive.”

“I just want to make sure we’re going the way I think it is. It doesn’t hurt like it used to,” you had healthy and happy children. What more could a mother ask for? Of course you wanted more, but it wasn’t in the cards, and it just seems so arrogant to think you deserve more when you have two.

“So it wasn’t your decision to not have any more children?” So formal. And yet, it doesn’t sting. No one has ever talked to you about this. It was always about how Scott felt. And you’re the one that did all the work. The one that feels inadequate for not giving your husband what he claimed to desire. You just shake your head no. Only just noticing Andy’s left fingers have been grazing over your knee. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Does any woman want to talk about how she’s not able to have children and it’s taken away from her involuntarily? Too often our bodies and uteruses are discussed with very little regard for us as a human. Our bodies are meant to be incubators for men that want to reproduce. But no one wants to talk about our mental status if that’s striped away from us, do they?”

“While there are people, especially men, who think that way, you know I don’t, Doe. The only thing I’ve ever wanted was you,” instead of the tips of his fingers, his hand flattens, touching you more. He watches your face to see if you protest, but you don’t. Instead you wish he would hold you like he did when you were teenagers. His arms always were the best comfort. “Honey, we don’t have to talk about it.”

“I want to. I never have been able to, passed the too clinical doctors. Even — even Scott,” you should have known the writing was on the wall for your marriage, but at that time you would have done anything to save it. Andy’s posture goes rigid, and his jaw clenches. His anger. Even now, Andy has this innate need to protect you. Still.

“Andy,” his eyes close so slowly. Like he’s trying to absorb your calmness. You’ve had some time to process your marriage, but Andy is just learning about this. You wait until his body relaxes, and proceed, “It’s not impossible. It’s just such a rare chance. We even did a year of IVF. It was miserable and never took. Our next step was surrogacy. Except I guess he was going the old fashioned route.”

You look to the left, trying to hold in your angry tears. Not because you’re sad that your sham of a marriage ended, but because of the lengths you went to preserve it. The constant mental turmoil, but when you caught him with Taylor, it wasn’t blind rage. It was anger for you. For the disrespect to your home and your kids being there. The door was unlocked, and had Audrey walked in — you can’t even think about it.

So many times in the past few months you try and think if there was a time you were truly happy with Scott. Or had you found the replacement to the man in front of you, and you just went through the motions. You look at your two children and how you have this unwavering love you have for them. They were your reasons. Being a mother has been the highlight of your life. You just wish they had a father like Andy to share it with.

“He cheated?” you can’t answer, so you nod. Andy sighs, he is well aware of your no cheating policy. “How did you find out?”

“It’s easy to find out when you find the babysitter bouncing on his cock, while our children were taking their nap,” his Adam’s apple bobs. His body tense and agitated. “I suppose she did me a favor if it wasn’t for her continuing to be in our life because Scott never knows how to be alone. Or for someone to ruin his perfect picture of his life. Of course, he’ll twist it and turn it into being my fault, and that Taylor is his true love. Anything to make the affair not be his fault.”

You see him take a tentative lean forward, but you lean back in your chair, “Andy, don’t get involved. You can’t save me from everything. This is my mess that I chose willingly to get into.”

“He’s trying to take your kids from you, and he can’t even make simple adjustments in his diet to make sure your son is safe?” A tearful laugh pushes past your lips. “This isn’t funny.”

“I don’t think it’s funny. I’m just laughing because you haven’t changed. Why do you always need to protect me?”

“Because you never want to protect yourself,” the two of you stare for too long at each other. The most comfortable silence between you, and you don’t want to break the spell. The one thing you’ve always wanted is right in front of you. He’s close enough to touch, and grab him.

“How come you never got married?”

“Well, I never fell in love again. I tried. A few times, and then I just — you don’t want to hear about that,” you giggle, using your foot to playfully kick at his, and his fingers gently start rubbing on your knee again. “Did you love Scott?”

“Are you asking me a simple question, or is this you asking me if I loved him like I loved you?”

“Touché,” he raises his cup, already knowing your response before you even say it. His mouth turned into a cocky smirk.

“I was married to a lawyer, but was still in love with you, Andy. Maybe I did love him in ways. But maybe it was because he was close to being you. I know how sometimes a simple question can be quite complex,” his hand drifts a bit further up your leg. Still an appropriate amount, but there’s a neediness in it. A want to have things go back to normal. “No. I don’t think I was ever in love with him,” that hand travels up even further, and he smiles when your legs spread just an inch wider.

“What are we doing here, Doe?”

“We’re having coffee because you demanded that I leave my job for the rest of the day. We have less than an hour before I need to pick up two children from the daycare center.”

“I saw Audrey,” he smiles, his hand flattens on your thigh. “She looks beautiful just like her mom. Has your eyes. You wanna talk about them?”

“What’s there to talk about? I’m a mom, a damn good mom if I say so myself. They’re my life. The only reason I hang on to hope with this divorce. The idea of Scott getting full custody is something I can’t even comprehend. He isn’t even potty training Suede. And he’s not even patient with him as he tries to talk. Audrey is my talker. She’s so smart for how little she is. So protective of her brother, and intuitive with him. She even wakes me up and says she’s had a nightmare so I sleep in her bed with her. I think it’s because she doesn’t want me on the couch. But I can’t let my girl be scared. They’re amazing. And I seriously question how I deserved them, but I won’t live without them either. They’re mine.”

it’s a sentiment you know in the depths of your soul. Those babies are yours. You carried them, you birthed them, fed them, changed their diapers, became their everything. Scott might have provided the funds, but he was just that. The money. There were moments, and glimpses of him being a good dad, and enjoying at least Audrey. You wonder if Suede’s allergies, and being a more difficult baby overall, is when he started to check out.

Audrey is the perfect child that was easy to get on a schedule. The pregnancy was easy. She is a fast learner. But Suede, your sweet baby, had so many difficulties since he was conceived. You sometimes wonder if Scott blames the difficult pregnancy and labor on your son, and even your problems with conceiving on Suede. His need to want another child so quickly was possibly a do over. For — the mistake. He called Suede that one time. And you’ll never forgive him.

Your mind easily spirals when it comes to Suede and Scott’s relationship. And you didn't care anymore. You didn’t have to beg for Scott to hold him, while you put Audrey to bed. Or to force him to try and talk to Suede. There’s a disconnect, and you hate him for it. Like any of his allergies were the baby’s fault. Fuck him. Fuck Scott, and his ways to make Suede insecure. Fuck. Him.

“I won’t let that happen,” Andy, sensing your growing anger, interrupts.

“I thought I told you not to get involved?”

His hand drifts up too high for public consumption. His fingers flutter over your covered core, and he smirks as his hand slides back down. Remaining too high, but you don’t care. You’ve not felt this way since Andy. “Doe, I’ve been involved since the moment I came into Ransom’s office and saw you. And since being inside of you, and coming in you, there’s no way that I’m not going to be involved. Even if it’s just to guide you to a better lawyer.”

“That’s who I can afford. And exactly why is Ransom telling you who my lawyer is? Especially considering he’s the one that is talking to Ray Smith for me. That’s who he’s hoping to take over my case,” Andy chuckles. Clearly Ransom left that piece out of what he told him. “He’s willing to set up — payment plans.”

You weren’t supposed to tell anyone about what Ransom was doing. For whatever reason that man wants everyone to think he’s a giant asshole, but you immediately saw right through his facade. Ransom is a good man, even if he didn’t want anyone to know about.

“Fine, I won’t get involved in court proceedings, but I will be involved with you as moral support.”

“Why?”

“You know exactly why,” his tone darkens, and you see lust ping his pupils.

“For unprotected sex, with all the creampies you can imagine?”

His hand shoots all the way to your core, and he flattens it over your covered mound. Giving you a crooked smile when you lean back, spreading your legs even further. “Sex with you is a bonus, not a requirement. But judging on how wet you are right now, means it’s not completely off the table. Now, if you want to act like I’m a sex crazed lunatic because you feel things are going too fast, that’s your prerogative, but don’t insult my intelligence.”

He removes his hand too soon. Lifting it to his mouth where he sucks on a finger. “Did anyone ever tell you that you taste delectable?”

“Yes. You have plenty of times.”

“Because I’m a smart man,” you watch as he puts another finger in his mouth. Can imagine that his tongue is circling the digit before he pulls it out. Smiling as he inserts another one. “Now that we have got your need to make a smart ass comment out of the way. No. I’m not getting involved for sex and creampies. My love for you extends past your cunt. All I have ever wanted was you. We were too young, and here I am as an adult with everything I wanted and I worked hard for, except for you.”

“I can’t have more children, and I don’t want to go through IVF again.”

“I’m not asking. I’m not even asking for us to jump into a relationship together. Us having kids, was just kids dreaming and talking, and thinking we had all our shit figured out. You have children,” you don’t want to say it, but the thought that he didn’t lingers on your mind. Something like that can make or break a relationship, and it’s better to be realistic and honest from the beginning. Scott had ruined you by thinking that your ability to produce him a child or lack thereof is your fault. Andy didn’t care. “Besides thinking about having more children, when you have two perfectly amazing humans already is a bit premature.”

“You’ve never even met them.”

“You already told me they are perfect. I trust you. Are you done with trying to make excuses to not have me in your life? I’m not talking about getting married tomorrow, I’m talking about you having a friend in Newton. Someone to talk to when you’re lonely, or feel you’re at your wits end. Don’t make any more excuses. I get it. You’re legally separated, you have two children, you’re becoming independent. I just want to be a part of that. As a friend.”

Now you’re not exactly an idiot. You and Andy were never able to be just friends. Hell, he’d already fucked you an entire night. But the sincerity in his voice, and the soothing feeling of having his hand on your knee again is comforting. It feels nice to not be alone, to not have to try and figure out how you’re even going to find a friend when your free time is being a mother.

“We should get your kids,” you glance to your phone on the table, seeing the time. “I’m just a friend you met at work,” you gulp. So much change has happened in their life, is Andy being present going to make it even worse? “No touching, no kissing, but I can’t guarantee I won’t smile.”

“Is this why you wanted me to take my car? Did you plan this?”

“This is me planning ahead. I saw the time before we left, and knew this could be awhile. I can get an Uber back to the office if that is what you want,” you want for your children to not be put in adult squabbles. You want them to feel comfortable getting in the car, and there’s a man with you that’s not their daddy. You want them to not think that Scott threw you away for Taylor.

“Do not get too friendly, okay? Suede won’t notice anything, but she will. Andy, I mean it,” your daughter noticed too much. And didn’t have a filter for saying things either. You didn’t want to stifle her voice or for her to think she couldn’t talk to you. Just some things you didn’t want to know. Like how Taylor rubs on her daddy’s belt all the time. Something you can only assume is her hand is too low on Scott.

“Why are you so worried?” Because you’re the weak one here. Andy’s ability to be nonchalant is infuriating. You want him, always have. But it’s time to put your big girl panties on for them, and not be a hormonal teenager.

“I’m not.”

“And you never lie, either,” Andy grins as he stands up from the table. That sly grin that tells you he knows how much you’re worried, and knows that you worry that you can’t be just friends with Andy.

“Shut up.”

“Andy,” you warn as he undoes his seatbelt. Placing his hand on the door handle. “You stay put.”

“Why?”

“Because I can check my kids out of daycare myself,” his fingers tense a moment on the handle, acting like he’s going to open the door. “You can’t just overstep my boundaries before we’ve even established anything. It’s going to be confusing enough for them with you in the car. Stay here,” he places a hand in his lap, smiling as you walk into the center.

Leaving him with his thoughts for too long. How the hell did you end up with someone like Scott? He saw a little glimpse of you just then, demanding he stay put, but there’s still this brokenness inside of you. One he thought you had gotten over. That your parents’ influence still didn’t linger. And yet, you found someone just like your dad.

Andy isn’t certain if he’s good enough for you or your children, but he will try. He will try to be everything that you have ever wanted. To be the man that you believed him to be. You even knew his little ticks, and just how protective he could be of you.

He didn’t have to think about your worry of not being able to have more children the traditional way. It was a non-argument. He didn't care. He could survive without siring a child, but what he couldn’t live without is you. You had children, and while he understands Scott is the unfortunate father, they’re still a part of you. And would be in his life. That would be enough.

How your soon to be ex husband couldn’t see what you had sacrificed for your family is unfathomable. The more he thinks about Scott, the more he hates him, and Andy can’t go down this road logically. He can’t sit and stew about the ways he’d like to destroy Scott, because he is your children’s father. And it sucks that he’s a lawyer, and he’s limited anyways.

Andy could be a hopeless romantic, but only with you. Everything he said he meant. It is silly to say it out loud, but all those women were never you. Even the ones he tried a relationship with. He was a grown adult man, and still longed for you. Not what the two of you dreamed about, but you. Life wasn’t a life without you.

Audrey is the first to notice him. You hold Suede in one arm, while holding her hand with the other. The little boy is very obviously a mama’s boy; his head leans over on your shoulder, while a chubby arm wraps around your neck. Audrey holds onto two lunch boxes, and has a backpack too large for her body, but she points at him in the car. She looks up at you, saying something, and you smile down at her.

Opening up the door on Suede’s side, Audrey crawls in first. Dumping the lunchboxes and backpack on the floor before crawling into her booster seat. “Audrey, Suede, I want you to meet an old friend of mine. This is Andy. Andy, these are my kids Audrey and Suede.”

Suede gives him a wave, bashfully smiling as he looks up at you. But Audrey twists her head like a puppy staring at him. “You came to my house the other day,” you give a quick glance up at Andy. You knew he returned your wallet, and that Audrey had seen her, but you weren’t sure she’d remember.

“I did. I brought back your mom’s wallet. Did you have a good day at school?”

“Mommy already asked me, but yes.”

“Suede, did you have a good day, buddy?”

“Chess,” he answers, looking back up at you with a smile, and you kiss his head. You finish buckling him in, and walk over to Audrey’s side. Strapping her in and look at her. Of course she’d have a ton of questions and no way to focus them into words.

“Baby, you okay?” Maybe if you open the dialogue she could start talking. Vocalize her thoughts, so you understand what’s going on through her mind.

“Why is he here?”

“We had coffee, and lost track of time. So he came with me to get you,” you answer her as you get into the driver’s seat. Turning in your seat, you look at her. She isn’t done with her questions, and you want to allow time her to process everything.

“Do I have to keep this a secret from daddy?”

“No,” you try to remain calm, but your mind wanders to what she’s kept secret from you. “I told you, you tell daddy whatever it is that you want to tell him. We don’t have to have secrets. Secrets destroy relationships. We should be honest with each other.”

Her face scrunches up, trying to think of any question that might further help her figure out who Andy is, and why he’s here with you. “Is he staying for dinner?”

“Would you like him to?” She shrugs. She didn’t know him enough to form an answer. “If Andy would like to come to the house for dinner, he’s more than welcome to. I need to drop him off at the office.”

“Daddy’s office?” You shake your head no. “Is it out of the way like daddy’s office?”

“It kind of is,” Andy pipes in. He looks between the two kids, and Suede still smiles. He’s too sweet. “I bet the two of you are pretty hungry, and need a snack, right?” Suede enthusiastically, and claps his hands. “Audrey, you need a snack, too?”

“Yeah. Mommy and me made scotcharoos last night. I want ants on a log, too.”

“Ants on a log, huh? Your mom used to make that for me.”

Audrey smiles, kicking her little legs around, and you know that Andy has her. “Did she make it with sun butter or plant cheese?”

“She means plant based cream cheese. And I think I made it in all kinds of ways for Andy. Except he liked them with craisins,” Audrey curls her nose as she looks up at him, but Andy shrugs.

“Okay, so it’s settled, we’ll get a snack, and I can call an Uber. That way you and Suede don’t starve to death,” Audrey gives a giggle, and looks over at Suede who laughs with her. The two of them are in a fit of laughter, and you relax. You hadn’t realized how much you wanted them to like Andy. Even if he is just your friend.

Anything with Andy would rely heavily on them. If they didn’t like him — it would hurt. If they were influenced not to like him — you try to center yourself. You have no doubt that any man coming into your life Scott will try to influence their hatred. Even if you didn’t talk bad about Taylor in front of them.

If Taylor took a four year old to get a mani/pedi you smile, and thank her. Making sure to tell Audrey how pretty it looks, and hope she had a good time. When Taylor took Suede to get his haircut, you swallowed your pride, thanked her, and told Scott to next time ask, and make sure that he’s properly in his seat. If Taylor lets them swim at the pool without floaties, you try to remain calm, and wait for the kids to fall asleep, before going in on Scott. ‘It was a kiddie pool.’

You tried to remain neutral with Taylor, even though she’s part of the reason your marriage failed. But having the kids hate her isn’t going to solve anything. Especially since she’s in his life. Her bringing her cat around Suede is a different thing. You didn’t think you’d ever get the air purified for him. It’s bad enough when he’s around a space that the cat has been in. But bringing the cat here, and letting him hold her is different.

You didn’t hate the cat, but you want this space to be cat free since Suede lives with you. His home should be his sanctuary. “Hey,” Andy says beside you, “Get out of your head, and enjoy this moment,” he doesn’t touch you, even though he struggles not to. He smiles, and you look in the back at the giggling duo.

“Give me a good reason to continue this,” you look up at him, hoping that he remembers the thing. If one person is having second thoughts about something the other has to give one good reason and it makes things less scary. You’re terrified. This is early, but it is easy. Too easy.

“Andy, I need a good reason because,” you look back at them again, still laughing, and talking between themselves. “I’m scared.”

“This is just a friendship,” you roll your eyes, but continue to look at him. “And I’m scared, too. We’re in it together.”

You exhale slowly before putting the car in reverse. That was one good reason. You and him are scared. But the kids are happy. And you are. Yeah. You’re happier. You didn’t have to do this alone. You’re just friends. And even telling yourself that you know you’re a liar. You were never just friends with Andy Barber.

You try not to get attached to the sound. You try with all your might to not fall in love with this feeling. This is the first time he’s met them, of course it’s going to be easy. This is the easy stuff. Popping a tab in the dishwasher you start the contraption, and look around the kitchen. It took no time to clean up. Andy had offered to help, but instead the kids wanted to play with him.

And now all you hear is giggles, and the pitter patter of feet. They are playing chase or something, and it warms your heart that for at least today they enjoy him, and he is them. That takes away some of your jitters and concerns.

Andy comes running into the kitchen first. Darting behind you, and wrapping an arm around your waist, shielding himself from the two kids who giggle in front of you. “That’s cheating! Release the mommy!”

“Chess!” Suede nods pointing at Andy.

He leans forward, his chin resting on your shoulder. While it isn’t the most loving thing, it is a playful way for him to be close to you. His beard tickles your neck, “I’ll take Suede, you take Audrey.”

“Suedey! They’re planning something.”

“On the count of three. One.”

“Oh no!” Suede pretends to shiver in place.

“Two.”

“We won’t get out of this!”

“Three!” Everyone scatters. The kids bolt back into the living room, and you and Andy chase after them. The loudest screaming giggles reverberate around the house and back into your soul. You haven’t heard them so happy in so long. Hadn’t felt comfortable enjoying your home since that day.

Catching up to them would be easy, and shorten this moment. It would take away all the love and joy you feel, and also how thankful you are for Andy because he reminded you that life isn’t over, and it’s worth living. And even these small moments make it all the better. It doesn’t matter that the fort in the living room created a huge mess and is left abandoned. What matters is the almost musical noise your children make for this day.

This will be the last day that they’re this old. Tomorrow they’ll be a day older, but right now this is your slice of heaven for the day. Everyone ends up in a pile in the living room on top of the discarded couch cushions. Breathless and still laughing. “Can Andy have dinner with us every night?”

“Chess!” Andy shrugs, smiling over at you.

“It is kinda lonely in my condo. It’s hard to cook for one. But…if it is a hassle, maybe we can just do it twice a week,” Audrey and Suede protest. Practically begging you to say yes to every night. There’s a lot to think about. Scott got them every other Friday until Sunday afternoon.

“I’m — yeah, w-w-we can figure this out. And now! It’s time to wash up for quiet time,” there’s a soft objection, but you straighten up. “And we’ve got to put the cushions back. Come on. It’ll be bedtime before we know it, and you guys have school tomorrow.”

—

Walking down the hallway, you smile, still seeing Andy sitting on the couch. He scrolls through his phone, until your figure blocks out the light, he glances up. Putting down his phone, he gives the couch a few taps with his hand. Smiling, you saunter towards him.

Sitting too far away for his liking, so he pulls you closer to him. Those deep blue eyes staring right into the depths of your soul. Beating down the walls that you swore you had painstakingly built up. Telling yourself it would just be you and them. “They’re great.”

“It’s because it was a good night.”

“With a happy mama,” bashfully you look away from him, but he pulls your chin up, making you look at him. “I don’t want to insert myself where I’m not wanted. You hesitated with me being here every night. So be honest, do you not want me here or is it your fear?”

“My fear,” he solemnly nods. “And Scott.”

“I don’t care about him.”

“I can tell. You get all tense when he’s brought up,” the fist his hand is making relaxes. “He’ll always be a part of my life. Those babies are half of him. And while I don’t like him, I won’t bad mouth him, not to them. You neither.”

He exhales. It’s long and drawn out. Too dramatic to be real, but he pulls you even closer. Your legs that were curled into your body, he brings over his lap, and he smooths his hand over your thigh. “I won’t bad mouth him to them. But you also need to vent sometimes. I don’t want a relationship where we talk about him nonstop. I don’t want him in our relationship, unless necessary. Tonight was nice. It was us. All of us. And he was a non-factor.”

“So what is happening between us?” Picking up your hand, he compares sizes. Ghosting his finger over yours before he circles your ring finger. And you stutter. That fear creeping back up because there’s no way he is meaning what you think he is, “Andy?”

“I’m going to marry you. I told you then, and I’m telling you now. Maybe not in a month or a year. But I will marry you. I meant what I said earlier. This is your pace. I’ve waited and waited, and I have you back, and I’ll wait more if I have to. But, I really should call an Uber.”

“You should,” you lean in closer. So close there’s only whispers between you. “Dinner tomorrow?” Moving your lips causes them to brush against his.

“Yeah,” he answers, and you can’t respond as the gap completely closes. These kisses aren’t needy, they’re so sweet. Gentle pecks that turn more lingering, and you pull away. “One more, and I’ll have a car pick me up.”

“Okay,” you make this kiss deeper. Pulling him into you by his shirt, and his strong arms wrap you up even tighter. Holding you like you are going to escape him again. Life has taken you a different path than you thought, and yet you still hold all this love for him. Things are different, they’re adult now with adult problems. But in his arms feels right. You don’t want to fight it. You want to embrace it through the fear.

His arms always give you so much comfort. Like the way he holds you can stop the world from spinning and you can live in a moment of no noise, no movement, just peace. Being in a bubble with him has always felt so right. “Andy,” you breathlessly say, pulling apart.

Literally having to push on his chest to get air. “I’m sorry,” his head tilts to the side, giving you an inquisitive look. “You waited, and I didn’t.”

“If you didn’t wait, you wouldn’t have Audrey and Suede. I’m not sorry,” smiling, he picks up his phone. Scheduling a pick up before returning to look at you. “You’re a package deal. And I like it all. This life is what I wanted with you, and I’ll have it.”

“You’ve always been so cock sure.”

He hisses, leaning back into the couch as he clicks on the tv, “With a cock like mine, and being able to pull those sounds out of your body, yeah.”

“Oh, stop it,” you playfully smack at him, before laying your head on his shoulder, and just basque in his warmth. Settling on him like he belongs here with you. Getting in one sitcom episode before turning in for the night. Having him here to help with the kids, the household chores, but to have him as your best friend. And your constant.

“You know, you don’t have to be so calm and controlled with me, right?” His hand rubs over your ass, almost trying to push you into his lap instead of just leaning on him. “I can be your calm, too.”

“I know, Doe,” and you know he really means, but I’m the protector. That part of him is never going to change. So you just embrace it. Embrace that your divorce led you right where you needed to be. Yes, it sucked. Yes, it hurt. You wanted to hit him. Wanted Scott to hurt the way you did, but now you see the silver lining. You see Andy.

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @seitmai

@smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989

@pandaxnienke @kmm-fluv @rogersbarber @theinheriteddutchess @buckybarnesisdaddy

[punemy-spotted]

The Price You Pay Chapter 8: Force Majeure

Pairing: Mob!Steve Rogers x Reader; Senator!Andy Barber x Reader

Warnings: Non-Con; Dub-Con; Workplace Sexual Harassment; Blackmail; Mentions of Murder; Dark!Steve Rogers; Soft!Dark!Andy Barber; Mafia/Political AU combination; Angst; Crying; (offscreen, minor) Character Death; Descriptions of someone with PTSD and Depression; Funerals; Gun Violence; Domestic(ish) Violence; Dead Dove: Do Not Eat; I Killed Those Doves, Lemon.

Chapter Warnings: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat; Pregnancy; Allusions to Antenatal Depression and PTSD; Discussion of a Medical Nature; Alcohol Mention; Isolation; Semi-Forced Marriage; None of this is how the law actually works.

Chapter Summary: Andy Barber keeps his promise, for better or for worse. In sickness, and in health.

Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Masterlist

Notes: So… it’s been a minute. Hiatus-ing on and off, appearing, apologizing, disappearing again. I know I’m a mess. I’ve officially left legal — for now, pray higher education holds — and I’m finally getting my horrible menty health under control. Turns out, if you take your meds properly, you can manage to recover your lost muse and update a fic you’ve barely touched since [checks calendar] 2021.

I’m so sorry.

I hope I can keep up and this resurrected-from-the-dead update doesn’t, you know, disappoint.

Thank you for sticking with me even though I’m terrible! I really have missed talking to all of you and am… trying to get over that guilt and be around again. Your faith in me means the world and, as always, feedback is greatly appreciated, even if you’re yelling at me.

Beta-read by my roommate, who is kinder to and more patient with me than I deserve. (love you, bestie. sending you this note via screenshot because you hate 2POV with a passion but it’s fine, we can still be friends.) There’s probably still typos, I’m useless.

All of my work is 18+ Only, Minors DO NOT INTERACT. I do not consent to my work being posted anywhere besides Tumblr or Ao3 and I post my work there myself. Do not copy, translate, or repost any of my content.

Senator Andy Barber’s Chief of Staff keeps a loaded gun in the glove compartment of every car he drives, a force of habit the Senator is probably grateful for right about now, even in absentia. While he pays for the final tank of gas he’ll need to get you both to where you need to go, you open it up and empty the clip, leave the bullets in the cup-holder save for the two you put back. He doesn’t bother questioning the sight of them when he returns, just glances at you briefly and proceeds to hand you a cup of watery, burnt coffee you almost immediately regret taking a sip of.

You drain the cup before the car’s back on the highway.

The road ahead is a lonely one, just the car’s headlights to cut through the snowy gloom. William “Billy” Russo barely speaks, the only driver half-insane enough to be driving through this particular stretch of the Appalachian Trail this late at night with a snowstorm raging all around the both of you.

You never picked up smoking as a habit, really — too devout then, too late now — but as  the suffocating silence settles in alongside the cold in your bones, you can’t help but crave one. Just one. Just something to quiet the churning anxiety and growing dread in your belly.

You risk a glance over to Billy, take in the pale white of his knuckles deepening as his grip on the wheel shifts, his eyes catching yours when he feels the weight of your gaze on him, You getting tired?

Are you?

Exhaustion feels too far away, adrenaline still holding your eyes open, anxious twitches keeping your muscles uncomfortable in the passenger seat, unable to settle down. Even the shake of your head is too cautious to be definitive, too busy watching. Waiting. Say nothing.

Not long now, he tells you by way of an attempt at comfort, eyes back on the road, Safe house is just a few hours away.

Alaska.

Not the state — though you wouldn’t mind, all things considered. The house Billy pulls up to is… nice, if made gloomy in its snowy isolation. You almost wonder how a Senator’s newly-hired Chief of Staff even manages to have an isolated “safe house” just on the edge of the US-Canada border, with access to what seemed like a completely unmanned and unlicensed border crossing — and then you decide that question isn’t even top fifty on your list of questions you’ve had about your day.

Days, even. Days full of memories of caskets, graveside services, and Senator Andy Barber — bloody and battered — practically tackling you to the ground to remind you why you’re here, pulling up to a wood-and-brick prison rather than your palace of glass and steel.

Domain. Dungeon.

The snow outside is starting to turn into a full-bore blizzard, but the house itself is warm enough to boil your blood, fire crackling in the hearth and Billy handing you a mug of something warm and medically cleared for your consumption, I’ve got good news — he’s awake, he tells you, taking a seat in the armchair across from you with a glass of whiskey in hand, He’ll want to hear from you, make sure you’re safe.

Safe. The word feels all wrong, especially here. Especially now.

You are not safe, you will never be safe, he will find you he will always find you—

A pillar of the community has fallen.

It was a heart attack, the papers said.

This is a massacre, the television blares, traumatized reporter center stage. Here you sit, in the fallout of having been too close, far from escaping unscathed. Billy reads aloud the names of those mourners and sycophants too preoccupied with the performance of grief to notice the cracks in the foundation — tragic, tragic, couldn’t have happened soon enough.

Funerals are for the living, and amidst all this death, you might almost come alive.

Heart attacks, you know, are no more than convenient half-truths for the public to pretend, but this — this lays it all bare, exposes the rotten empire of Judge Alexander Pierce as it all comes crashing down around those who profited the most as his enemies decide to draw blood from his headstone.

And all it almost cost you was Senator Andy Barber

And all you had was Senator Andy Barber

Something rises in you at the thought, a bold of lightning through your chest as you feel yourself surge forward on that unraveling tightrope beneath your feet, teeth grinding together and muscles pulsing with the force of will it takes to keep you steady, tamp down the illness and anguish aching to pour from you the moment you open your mouth you are going to start screaming and you will never stop you will never stop you will never—the sight of Billy Russo’s concerned face blurs into practically nothing as you press down the growing pulse of both panic and pain, your stomach considering the merits of emptying itself entirely.

Are you alright?

He knows the answer to that. He knows what you’re about to say — if you could say anything at all — while you press your lips into a thin line and try not to glare too cruelly at him for daring to ask you something when opening your mouth is an impossible task.

The pulse of your jaw will have  to serve as answer enough.

Still. You manage. Abdomen sore and sour and a line of tears staining your cheeks, half-crumpled back into the couch while hands that are not Andy Barber’s try to hold you up.

You’ll try not to resent Billy for the sin.

Any being mired in politics eventually understands the value of things left unsaid, a fact you have never been more grateful for until now, as the pressure on the couch beside you lifts and you catch sight of Billy Russo’s blurry figure leaving your presence — and returning shortly, not long after you manage to clear your vision, met immediately with a glass of water and a metal straw.

And then the phone rings, leaving you alone again.

Barely secretly, you’re almost glad for the interruption.

How are you feeling?

Like I just woke up from having two bullets fished out of my ribs. Andy Barber’s voice is rough, smoke and gravel tinged with pain and whatever that medical team of his pumped into him to numb it while they sewed him shut. You almost wish you had coils on this damn phone, to wind around your fingers in absentminded anxiety while you press down the waves of stomach-churning guilt you’ve been contending with since you got here — and well before then, too.

It’s a game, a dance, a ruse. You know these steps too well.

I shouldn’t have asked, you manage by way of apology, listening to the strained chuckle on the other side of the line.

Better you asking than anyone else, Sunshine. How are you feeling?

Like Hell, like I can never stop, never escape, like you’ve trapped me in a cage, like the poison inside of me is going to choke me and then I’ll finally be free, free, free—

Comparatively, or just in general?

It’s a game, always. A dance. A ruse. Andy Barber shouldn’t laugh with chunks of his left side gouged out by two bullets you can’t even remember the caliber of — but the tenor of it washing over your ears is enough to set you right.

You will never be okay again.

Give me both, Sunshine. I could use the hope.

Hope. Funny thing to have when you’re laid up in a hospital bed with stitches keeping you together, but you personally — well you’re starting to get it. Just a bit.

Worried about you, mostly. Do you know when they’ll let you out? It could almost sound sweet, the way you make yourself worry — the way Andy believes you when you do — if you felt there was any sweetness left in you at all. You ought to be grateful.

You did this, you did this, you you you you you.

Liar liar liar traitor traitor traitor coward coward coward.

You almost miss it, Andy’s response, recalling just snippets as they break through your thoughts—check for sepsis… high security… not being very accommodating… stay in touch.

To be fair, I don’t think calling outside the hospital is within their protocol, you have it in you to sound like you might be teasing him, enough to feel a ghost of a smile tug at your lips when you hear another — stronger — laugh.

I’ll give them that. If they can give me the option of recovering at home, I might give them more.

You have to laugh at that, just a little.

It can’t last.

Sunshine… There it is, your laughter cut short by the shift in his voice, the smile you’d just begun feeling okay with tugging at the corners of your lips fading into nothing.

Andy, don’t—

No. Listen to me, this doesn’t change anything. I promised you I’d take care of you this time and I still mean it.

You can’t hear yourself for the blood-tide in your ears, waves of warning screaming at you to stop, to shut up, to run run run. You should not have come here. You should not believe him. You can’t trust him. You won’t. You cannot trade one cage for another, not this time.

It’s too late for that.

We’ll talk more when I see you again.

Turns out, that’s not for a while.

Still— Andy Barber keeps his promise.

You don’t mind at first, do you? It makes sense at first, doesn’t it? Billy Russo destroys your old phone before you and he have even left the hospital, erasing all its photos and memories and contact information of law school classmates you stopped reaching out to six months after you graduated, and it makes sense. Can’t be tracked this way. Be found. Be drawn back to that cage of glass and steel high above that city you’d moved to in some vain hope your past would leave you alone in that mess of people, politics, and pain.

Can’t let Steve Rogers know you’re still alive.

Can’t let him know what you’ve stolen from him.

So you don’t mind. You don’t mind the stillness — not even when the snow melts one uncharacteristically warm weekend and the woods around you feel almost devoid of life. You don’t mind the loneliness either, more than resigned to accepting your solitude as sanctions for your sins. You don’t even mind the way Billy dictates your days with careful ease — wait, no, you do mind that.

Don’t you have a Senator to look after? You question him one day, not long after your first silent and uncomfortable drive to a private clinic where you check in under the name Mrs. Barber and meet doctors and nurses whose pseudonyms you won’t bother to remember as they test your vitals and ultrasound your belly and act proud when you lie about how little nausea you’re feeling.

This is how he wants me to do that. He barely looks at you as he responds, practically rehearsed while typing away at his phone and gesturing vaguely to the stone-faced bodyguard who’s become more of a shadow to you than your actual one.

One cage for another.

This is the price.

This is your prison. Your dungeon. The life sentence you’ve won for your work. This cell of wood and brick, of double-paned and bullet-proof windows with roll-down metal shutters and bars pretending to be wrought-iron, of eyes always watching and waiting and reporting.

Andy Barber keeps his promises.

And all it costs you is everything you are.

I should do this right. He’d told you as much. I want to do this right.

You don’t ask him if this is what he defines as right when the ring shows up on your pillow after you return from yet one more heavily guarded visit to the clinic, terrified of the day you can’t hide — and deny — this reminder of Steve Rogers, all his lies and that scratched-out marble plinth in your heart upon which you’d once laid wreaths of surrender. You don’t ask him if this is what he defines as right when Billy hands you a pen and a marriage license backdated to the night you visited Andy Barber in his hotel room and almost told him the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but  the truth so help you God, your witnesses Andy’s Chiefs of Staff and officiant a name you don’t bother to question.

An old law school lecture about marriages conducted in absentia and the lack of validity thereof comes back to haunt you.

Billy Russo waits.

You sign the papers.

Andy Barber shows up six weeks later.

You’ve almost lost track of time.

It is… not a very spirited homecoming. Hardly the sort of thing a Senator who’s just survived a shooting and recovered — especially when so few were privileged enough to do the same — would earn on Capitol Hill. No fanfare, no excited extended family waiting in the wings with cake and confetti to welcome him back. Just a sleek black car winding its lonely way along an isolated drive and — as it rolls to a stop in front of the house — another member of staff rushing to help him out of the back seat.

You should be down there.

You should be waiting for him the way a good wife ought, all smiles and happy kisses and gleeful adoration. Odysseus has returned home, to banish the wolves at your door, free you from this beautiful prison and give you something like hope.

After all, Sunshine — you should be grateful.

You signed a vow, sealed with a ring — in sickness and in health.

You should be down there.

Instead, you remain at your seat by the window, knees drawn up as close to your chest as your slowly swelling belly might allow, watching. Haunting the upstairs bedroom you know you are about to share with the man you are about to call your husband — out loud, at least. In person.

Instead, you watch as Billy Russo steps into the spotlight, greets his employer with enthusiasm you haven’t seen once in the almost two months since your confinement began, haven’t seen once in the almost two months you have been silently glaring at him and his staff — all outstretched hands and a too-broad smile you don’t need to see to know is on his face.

Instead, you watch as Andy Barber looks up towards your window, as if he sees you half-hidden behind the curtain, the ghost of all that you once were a year-and-a-half ago when you managed to stand up against New York’s most dangerous and — briefly, gloriously — won.

You watch the way he frowns with his whole body, familiar with the set of his shoulders and the terrifying purpose in his stride as he steps inside. Ready for battle.

Hello, Sunshine. He looks the same. Kept the same beard. The same perfect hair. The same crease in his brow as he leans against the doorway with his arms crossed over his broad chest, his tongue pressed against his teeth and jaw flexing with either disappointment or displeasure as he watches you. No different than the man who asked you to stay in his hotel room the night you tore Steve Rogers from your heart and made your choice.

The warmth of him is a sanctuary you have begun to resent as he forces the confrontation you have imagined having a thousand times in the last week alone, the honey of his voice too much of an invitation for you to tolerate as he waits. Watches. Far enough away to let you decide if you want to close the distance, a consideration you mull over as you turn away from the window and the nothing and the hate of you, reluctantly meeting his gaze, Andy. Welcome home.

There’s hurt to him. Voice warm and wounded, fresh blood spilling into the air between you, reaching for the familiarity of before. How are you feeling? A question he knows the answer to, one he also knows you will not give voice to.

You prove him right, daring to shake your head at it, I’m fine.

Liar liar liar traitor traitor traitor coward coward coward

I’m not sure you mean that, Sunshine.

Andy… It’s a warning, a plea, a confession. Ask nothing, you want to insist, want  to scream and keep screaming and scream and scream and scream—

Andy Barber closes the distance.

You’ll never be used to this. To the thunder rumble of his voice rolling over you, to warm hands at your waist, to the way your name sounds so sweet on his lips while he lets one hand lift to your cheek and convinces you to look at him with the softest nudge of his fingers, Talk to me.

Let me out let me out let me out.

You shake your head, try to wrench yourself away but suddenly you are weak in more than body — unable, unwilling to pull yourself from the embrace you practically dreamt of sinking into — all your hate and resentment melting under the heat of his gaze. No, it’s—I’m—I’m just going a little stir-crazy, is all.

An apology. A concession. A plea. You are beating your wings against the bars of your cage and Andy Barber just… tightens his hold, tucks you against him, wraps you in the trapper’s net of his embrace and hides you. Tight enough you could almost drown in it, in the cedar and woodsmoke of his cologne, in the drumbeat of his steady heart as he near curls himself around you — sharp contrast to the hummingbird panic in your own chest, sternum cracking from the pressure, I know, I know, and you could almost believe in his apology too, if you could believe in anything at all.

I’m sorry, I—I shouldn’t be so—so what, you ask yourself before you can continue, dare stop yourself from apologizing for all that you shouldn’t have been in the first place.

You are more than this, more than her, she who languishes in this beautiful cell of a half-life she thinks she has earned. You are more than your cage and your broken promises and your guilt. You are—

Tired.

It sinks into your bones as easily as Andy does, so sure of himself and the choice and the life you had no say in him building for you, Don’t be, Sunshine. I can’t imagine this is easy for you.

I wasn’t the one who got shot.

That disarms him, at least, and you have an opportunity to smile as he lets out a laugh, lets you pull back enough to look at him, lets you stand on your own two feet with his hands at your waist again, watching you.

You can see the crinkle at the corner of his eyes, enough to steel you against the constant collapse of all you thought you once were. You never called me, after that, an accusation. A question.

I know. Fucked up of me, he admits it so readily it almost hurts to hear, until you see the flex of his jaw and the way his eyes slide from yours — guilt. You’ve been a lawyer long enough to know what that looks like — no matter how long it’s been since the last time you searched for it.

You wait.

I should have. Figured out some way of reaching you — but the Syndicate has more eyes looking for you than we anticipated. Rogers… Billy didn’t even want me coming out here, said it was too early, but I told him to make it work and so… here we are.

Billy. Your Chief of Staff. He orchestrated this? You fall into it so easily. The viper, the soldier, that arm of justice demanding answer and understanding and suddenly the light of  your interrogation is shining on him.

He can feel it too, the sharpness of your fangs as you consider sinking them into his throat, consider tearing into him and pouring out the venom you’ve built up in your veins. The look on his face is evidence of guilt, and so you wait. Wait for him to beg and plead and justify.

Chief of Staff is his official title. Think of him more as Chief of Security. I hired him after I got the news about Alex— if he notices the way you flinch at the name, he doesn’t comment —he’s been trying to make up for the funeral since.

And this is how. Not a question. But you’ll have your answers nonetheless.

Yes. Not quite. I didn’t—I should have told you, Sunshine. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to worry more, not with…

Not with the baby. Might as well say it. The baby. The last reminder of Steve Rogers, the proof of all that he’d done to you, all that you’d paid to rid yourself of your pain, the newest shackle of your suffering. The baby.

Andy just ducks his head in the barest of nods, Not good for your health. You’ve got Rogers on the warpath, Sunshine—had to make myself look like the gentleman from Vermont just to get here, and Billy’s still convinced there might be a drone tracking me.

So why now? Why not wait, why not hide you forever, why not seal you away and pretend you never were?

Why do you think? I need you, Sunshine.

That stops you in your tracks, your circuit around the courtroom you’d made of this argument ceasing as you fix your gaze on him properly, Andy…

The ring. The license. Those are real, Sunshine. I’d rather have done it right but it’s not like Rogers gave me much choice — we were running out of time. If he finds out, at any point, he’d…

He trails off. You don’t need him to finish the sentence. Steve Rogers’s hands wrap themselves around your throat again, the heel of his palm at your chin, forcing you to look up, up into the cold steel of his eyes, into the hate of him, the way he made it look like love—no.

Never again.

You want to believe him, more than anything. Want to believe Andy Barber left you alone in silence for nearly two months against his will, want to believe you weren’t trapped in a prison on purpose, want to believe you can still fight back.

You don’t always get what you want — no matter how much you try.

He sees it too, the way you tense, the way your hands fall to his at your waist, the way you wonder at pulling him off you and pulling away and suddenly his fingers are pressing in a little too much, suddenly he’s dragging you in a little too fast and your hummingbird heart is racing again and the blood-tide is in your ears and, Sunshine! Hey, hey, look at me, I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe, you’re safe— Andy Barber is afraid.

It is the fear you forgive him for.

You don’t remember how you got here, sitting on your bed with Andy Barber holding your hands in his, a man with his heart out of his chest. Listen to me. I’ll do anything to keep you safe. I will. But if you hate this, if you can’t forgive me for this, I’ll—I’ll make something work. Just give me long enough to… He trails off. Watches you. There’s a sheen of hurt in his eyes and it makes your own well up and you could hate him for that too, the same way you could hate him for this, the shackles he’s sentenced you to, for the jury that watches you.

But you don’t, really.

You stand at the cliffside between the devil and the deep blue sea and as you look into the stormcloud eyes so earnestly fixed on you and feel Andy Barber’s fingers squeezing your own with something like hope wrapped in the curl of them, you feel the blood-tide roar past your ears as you take one step into the nothingness and fall.

I signed the papers, Andy, you tell him, choking through sentiment with the simplicity of fact, interrupting the apologies he wants to make, watching his brow first furrow with confusion and then smooth with dawning realization, barreling forward before you can lose your nerve, If I wanted to go back to him — if I wanted there to be a chance he could find his way back to me — I wouldn’t have. I would have just managed alone, would have refused to go with Billy, would have left this house, would—

—would have gotten caught back up in it. Andy finishes speaking for you, his shoulders seeming to fall from the height he didn’t know he’d been holding them at, relief calming the tide of tears that might have drowned you both as he breathes a sigh and just…

Holds you, again. A question. An answer. A relief.

I need you to trust me, Sunshine.

And you do.

[ronearoundblindly]

I have another question for who would Wednesday (sorry if I'm sending too much): who would have new years resolutions? Who would help with yours?

Took me until Lunar New Year, but we got there!

No warnings except mentions of true-to-character background (family alcoholism, jerk behavior, cursing) so keep that in mind.

James Mace

Yes! If it's important to you, it's important to him. Mace only picks practical goals or changes to make, realistic stuff that's doable and improves his life and happiness. You know, the actual epitome of the tradition.

Curtis Everett

No. He'll honor your resolutions but doesn't make his own. It's half not caring and half because when he used to make them, he always crapped out on them by March...

Jimmy Dobyne

No. Jimmy believes if you have a goal, why wait for a holiday to start? Go ahead and do it! He hates the placating of over-indulging during the holidays, guilting yourself, and then miserably push to change huge things suddenly. (He's adamant about NO DRY JANUARY, too. Own up to it. If you want/need to quit drinking, then fucking stop. He gets prickly about this because of his father.)

Johnny Storm

Nope. Johnny just...keeps being Johnny. Isn't very open to helping you keep them. Seems...sorta personal and like a you-problem.

Jake Jensen

Yes!!!! He's totally supportive and enjoys making a big deal about declaring his and yours after a sweet, midnight kiss. Will buy a whiteboard for the hallway to have them visible. Jake does, however, always picks silly or easy stuff for himself in order to feel accomplished. He will NOT stand for you making resolutions which are designed to be judgmental: don't write down "get skinny" or "save for a nose job." Jake makes you think specifically about you, none of this for-others shit.

Lloyd Hansen

Yes? His resolutions are silly and self-serving--also they are almost always indulgences that Lloyd never stopped himself for doing in the first place--so it's a useless exercise. He is supportive of yours as long as it's convenient for him to do so, which he takes on a second-to-second basis.

Ari Levinson

Yes, but only as a couple or being supportive of yours. On his own, Ari doesn't see the point.

Ransom Drysdale

Yes, but he doesn't admit it or tell anyone what they are, so no one knows if he failed to keep them. Ran won't necessarily provide positive support of yours--i.e. if you cheat on a diet or something, he openly points out you shouldn't be eating that--but! he holds you accountable if/when you've clearly said you're trying to change a habit.

Andy Barber

Yes. The only problem is they're vague and recurring. Every year he tries to say you'll have a regular date night or go on trips, but Andy never quite manages to put fun things first. He's a workaholic who gets distracted and forgets to focus on less tangible progress. You have to remind him or take over making those resolutions happen.

Steve Rogers

Yes and no. Some years Steve has strong impulses to make changes. Some years he's just getting by or keeping the status quo. Turns out, you often make resolutions that impact the both of you or are specifically geared toward him. If you're vocal about wanting something, he's all over it and supportive. Steve has never been great at doing things for himself.

Bucky Barnes

Again, yes and no. Bucky is still not great at tracking time. He gets confused from year to year if there were just arbitrary goals he set, so now he keeps them progressive. You guys want to do renovations on your home? Pick a starting room and then pick a direction to work (out, up, or down). He wants to turn his wardrobe into something more personal? Begin with the shoes, then the socks, then the slacks, etc. Mundane choices can overwhelm him easily since he's from a simpler era and he didn't make his own choices for a long stretch. Bucky keeps his resolutions simple and the pressure to stick to them low.

Thank you for asking!

[Main Masterlist; Who Would... Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

A/N: Now back to my hidey hole...

[cottagecheese1]

Hey, I wanna start by saying I love your work.

My guilt pleasure is your Unhinged Worlds series. A lot of Chris Evan’s characters don’t get much attention and I love that you cater to all and the spice is just amazing.

My request is if we could get more Johnny Storm x reader smut fics. Either outside of the series with a Friends with Benefits types situation where the reader has to be all serious with the avengers and Steve and so they go to Johnny when they wanna blow off some steam (or make some 😏) and they have have together but also smutty. Or if it’s within the Unhinged Worlds series maybe a standalone chapter with just Step Brother!Johnny and the reader, like after everything that’s happened he gets a bit jealous/possessive and while everyone else is out decides to fuck them ‘the right way’ and ravishes them with some extra hidden emotions, like he says sweet things while ruining them physically.

Idk, my brain has gone to a filthy place and your writing is just so good. Feel free to take your own way cause it’s your writing after all but I just need me some more Johnny smut, he needs some more appreciation.

Thank you so much, we love you.

unhinged words 5

a/n: I wanted you to know that your request motivated me to keep writing this series :) I just didn't think people were reading it, thank you! And I also agree, not too many good Johnny reads out there!

summary: A few years after your father died, your mother marries a new man, to you having a new family meant new beginnings, but what happens when your new beginning comes spiraling apart just because of the people that made them.

paring: dark stepdad Andy Barber x reader x dark dbf Lloyd Hansen x reader x dark stepbrother Johnny storm x reader x dark bbf Colin Shea. warnings- (DDLG undertones) stepcest, Johnny is NOT Andy's biological father, he is the adopted son. smut, do not engage if you are uncomfortable with any of the following, spanking, blackmail, p in v, edging, thigh riding, oral, fingering.

Series master list right here

Another day you have to go through this. Another day except you lay in the guest bedroom with Lloyds arm draped around your waist, his breathing light as his bare chest is pressed to your back. You sigh, but at least you finally have a moment to yourself. You think as you slowly roll onto your back, desperately hoping not to wake the sleeping man beside you. Lloyd groans as he feels you shift under his embrace, and he nuzzles into the crook of your neck, you feel his breath on your neck. It's annoying in a way, with your mind racing and with no way out at 7:00 in the morning.

You feel his arm tighten around you as he lets out a small huff, you glance over and see his eyes flutter open. He leans over a bit to press a small kiss to your temple and you swallow nervously, with your heart racing as his lips curve up in a small smile, his expression looking more than awake now.

Lloyd hums in amusement at your expression and leans a bit more over you, “morning pumpkin, I’m surprised you’re up this early..I did wear you out nicely last night didn’t I?”, he jokes as you cringe at his dirty reference.

You can’t help but scoff at the cheesiness of his words, which doesn’t seem to pass him easily as he suddenly grabs your face, forcing your lips into a pout. Lloyd strokes your cheek softly and chuckles gruffly, his morning voice still slightly present, “What? Not in the mood for a joke princess? That's alright, you're probably just hangry hm?.”, your stomach seems to grumble on cue, and you push his hand off your face with a whine, already frustrated by his teasing.

He laughs and gives you a playful scolding look, “aw, that's not very nice now is it princess? How about you use your words like a big girl, so we can start this day off on a good note.” You sit silently in protest, but your stomach speaks loudly to you. He smiles smugly and lays back against the pillows, “Or, we can sit here for as long as I like until you use that pretty voice”, you sit up and look at your chipped nail polish in a silent thought. Should you break? Give him what he wants so he knows you're weak?

You sit in thought, but your need for food takes your mind over as you sigh in defeat, looking over at Lloyd hesitantly, “Can we please go get some food.?” You state rather softly, and he perks up in amusement at your voiced request.

He sighs dramatically and reaches over to tuck a stray piece of hair out of your face, “We can..but I deserve a kiss first don’t I? For being so patient, since you were acting like a complete brat”, you sigh and close your eyes, not understanding why you guys can’t eat first and deal with this later. Slowly you lean over and press a small kiss to his cheek, but he pulls back with a laugh and a head shake, “now I said a kiss sugar. Not a cute little peck on the cheek, try again or I’ll teach you the right way.” He states more firmly, which makes you lean in a bit more hesitantly as you rest your hands on his broad shoulders and press your lips against his this time. In a hope he won’t make you do it again.

He puts his hand on the back of your head, pushing you deeper into the kiss as you let out a small whimper. You can’t help but melt into the kiss a bit as he supports your head gently and presses your body against his in a silent want. He pulls away and presses his lips against your forehead softly in satisfaction, “good girl, see? It wasn’t that bad now was it?”, you nod slowly as your cheeks flush at his pet name.

He hums in acceptance at your silent answer as he gets another quick glance at you before reaching over to grab his shirt to pull it over your head. You put your arms through the holes and turn away from him to get out of bed on weak legs, and get your shorts from yesterday off the floor. As you slide them up your legs, Lloyd comes up behind you and grips your hips gently as he pulls you against him, and leans down to pepper kisses on your neck gently which makes you shiver.

You walk through the door, and through the hallway, entering the kitchen. Lloyd follows behind you and you look up to see everyone doing their daily tasks until you two make your appearance, Andy perks up at the entrance and he chuckles, “Looks like you two are finally up..did you have fun honey?” He asks condescendingly as Lloyd walks past you to the fridge. You scoff a bit and look the other way, which doesn’t go unnoticed by him, he walks over slowly and tilts your chin up, “I’m not gonna be so nice next time you give me attitude, so how about you start behaving now hm?” you swallow nervously and nod slowly as your lips part slightly, “sorry..I..It was alright I guess” That was a lie. You hated every second in that room with Lloyd, but you couldn’t say that.

Right as Andy is fixing to respond, Johnny prances over with a smug smile and wraps his arm around your shoulder. This action weirdly made you feel a bit better, especially when Andy towers over you. Johnny hums, “why don’t you spend the day with me sweetheart, besides, everyones leaving this morning and it’ll just be me and you” Andy rolls his eyes at Johnny's words, looking at both of you before sighing, “Well, your not wrong, I have to go to work, and Lloyd is coming with me so it’ll just be you two”

I mentally sigh in relief and Andy leans in to kiss your forehead, “Be a good girl and listen to Johnny..” he then turns to look at Johnny, “you too, behave.” He chuckles and nods, pulling you closer to him, “Oh, we will..won’t we sweetheart?” You gulp and nod, forcing yourself to give a soft smile. At that Andy smiles in satisfaction and takes his leave out the front door, along with Lloyd following behind.

Johnny turns towards you and his eyes darken a bit, you take a step back and he follows right with you, he sighs dramatically, “You know..I’ve wanted you all to myself for so, so long and this is finally my chance. Those assholes can’t take you away from me now” You whimper at his words and keep backing up until you feel your back hit the wall, and he chuckles darkly while blocking you right against him.

He leans in closer and presses gentle but rough kisses on your neck, biting and marking you in the process. You try to look away while your voice cracks, “please don’t hurt me..” you plead softly. Johnny laughs and shakes his head, his lips right against your ear, “Oh no, no baby, the last thing I’m gonna do is hurt you tonight. I’m gonna fuck so good, but I’ll be nice and gentle, because I know thats exactly how my precious little angel likes it.” He coos mockingly and your cheeks can’t help but flush at his crude words.

“You're so cute you know that? I hate when those assholes treat you like a thrown around toy..but maybe I just want you all to myself you know?” He says more to himself than you, but still you gasp and keep quiet. He leans in to kiss you passionately and slowly leads you to his bedroom, taking your shirt off and groping your chest roughly as you whine at the sensitive pressure.

He lays you down gently on the bed as he pulls his sweatpants down, you glance down to see his thick cock bobbing against his stomach and you get a bit nervous. Johnny sees your expression and chuckles, “I know it's nothing you're used to but I told you I would take care of you angel, we’ll go slow okay?” His words make you feel a bit better as you nod, he moves his thigh between your legs to spread them apart.

You take a deep breath as he slowly inserts myself inside you, he groans in pleasure as tears brim in your eyes from the burning stretch from his cock. Johnny looks down at you and leans down to coo and wipe your tears gently, “Shh, it's okay Angel, it’ll feel good in a minute just give it time..You're being so good for me you know that?” You take a deep breath and nuzzle your face into his neck, his thrusts become a bit faster and deep. The pain slowly fades away and you let out a soft moan.

He smiles and pants a bit more as he groans in pleasure when he feels you squeeze around his cock, “Holy shit..you feel like heaven baby, I’m gonna keep you all to myself. Take you away from this place and fuck you whenever I want, because your mine. Hear that? Say it. Say your mine.” At this point the coil in your lower abdomen is slowly coming undone, and you moan loudly as your eyes roll back in pleasure.

“I’m yours! I’m all yours just please let me cum..” You plead desperately and Johnny moans in pleasure at your words as he comes closer to his release, “Fuck, I’m gonna cum angel..you want me to fill you up hm? Stuff you full so I can steal you away, so you can have my babies and take care of me? You’d fucking love that wouldn’t you?” His dirty words only make you whine in satisfaction as you finally unravel around him, gushing around his cock as he rocks into you, chasing his own release.

He slumps against you and you wrap your arms around him as he pants in satisfaction, “Good girl..that was amazing, you did so good for me too.” He praises you as you stop to catch your breath, the air lingers with sweat and sex, but you actually don’t seem to mind. Actually you seemed to enjoy this way more than you did with anyone else.

Johnny rolls next to you and pulls you to his chest, and you relax against him, for once you actually felt comfortable with someone in this house and who knew it would be Johnny. He reaches down to stroke your hair softly as he hums, “This is nice..just me and you, and I don’t have to share you with anyone, fucking fantastic right?” He chuckles and you nod. I guess he was right, You had way more of an enjoyable experience with Johnny, then anyone else, maybe this wasn’t as bad as you thought it was.

At Least with Johnny. You snuggle into him, and he smiles softly at your affections, he kisses your forehead before getting out of bed and he turns to look at you, “I’m gonna go get you some water..don’t miss me too much, okay?” he winks playfully, and he can’t help but smile at his lighthearted banter. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.

[imyourbratzdoll]

I was wondering if you could do like a smut and fluff in a way. So this request would be for Andy Barber. I was think like what if Andy goes like to hard during sex, tr says their safe word. Andy doesn’t realize how hard he went until the morning after when he wakes up before the reader, he sees bruises that he left or bite marks or just any signs of roughness. Andy feels like so upset that he doesn’t wanna have sex with tr anymore because he doesn’t want to hurt them but tr doesn’t care, like it been a few days after and they start like making out on the couch but Andy stop it saying he doesn’t want to hurt the reader but tr tells Andy that they are okay that the feel safe with him, then they wind up making love. I really hope this makes sense I really enjoy your writing, also add anything you think will make it better. You don’t have yo specifically write this plot but maybe something along the lines.

hello, I hope you like it. I apologise for how short it is.

summary - you have to use your safeword, causing andy to distance himself.

warning - slight angst, illusions to sex, safeword.

18+ only please, the gif I use isn't mine, divider by @newlips

You didn’t know what had happened. One minute, you were greeting your boyfriend and the next, he was pounding his frustrations away into you. You usually liked the roughness, but today it had felt different. It had felt like he didn’t see you but more of a hole to use. It began to hurt, and you remembered you and Andy had come up with a safeword just in case things got out of hand. “Tulips!” He immediately stopped, and you flopped onto the bed, burying your face into the pillow as you felt exhaustion and pain creeping up. You dozed up, not feeling Andy cleaning you up before falling asleep beside you. 

The next morning you had woken to the feeling of someone staring at you, only to find Andy observing the marks he had littered your body with. A look of guilt rests upon his features, and he flinches away when you go to touch him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go so rough….” The rest of the day, he keeps his distance. Barely letting you kiss or hug him, he shuffles away and makes up an excuse that he needs to do something. This continues for a week before you finally get to sit down with him and watch a movie. You both move closer before you end up on his lap, your lips move in a rushed kiss, and you grind down on him. A noise of disappointment leaves you when he pulls away and puts some distance between the two of you. “I don’t want to hurt you again. I can’t.” 

You cup his cheek as you look at him. “You won’t hurt me, Andy. What happened before wasn’t your fault. I’m okay, and there’s no one else I feel safer with.” He looks at you sadly. And you lean forward, bringing him into a blissful kiss before he picks you up and heads to the bedroom, your lips still connected as he slowly lowers you down onto the bed. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Your clothes get removed lovingly before your bodies move in sync. Soft moans fill the room as he takes you apart sweetly, kissing along your flesh. 

thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

[holylulusworld]

The assistant (7) - A lost Captain

Summary: You are invisible most of the time.

Pairing: Former!Boss!Steve Rogers x Former!Assistant(plussized)!Reader

Possible pairing: Jake Jensen x Reader, Lloyd Hansen x Reader, Curtis Everett x Reader, Ari Levinson x Reader, Andy Barber x Reader, Mike Weiss x Reader

A/N: Okay, I went a little crazy with all the CEvans charaters in this one.

Warnings: angst, flirty CEvans characters, language, plussized/chubby reader, protective brothers, Lloyd being Lloyd, fluff, domestic brothers, mentions of anal fixation, remorse

The assistant masterlist

Part 6

“Whoa, Capsicle. What crawled up your ass?” Tony snickers.

He only wanted to check on Steve, because he didn’t hear from him for the better of two days. Now he’s watching Steve despair.

His office is a mess. There are papers splattered all over the floor and his desk. His phone won’t stop ringing, and the printer makes an odd noise as it tries to print some pages.

“Uh-I like how you decorated your office. Chaos and despair look good on you.”

“Tony, not now,” Steve jerks his head toward the cocky billionaire. “Since you fired my assistant…” He shakes his head. “No, since Y/N is gone, this office is a mess.”

“Well shit, Capsicle. You wanted her gone. Who would’ve thought, that she takes harassment and the way you treated her personally?” Tony sneers. “It was you and Sandy making the best assistant and friendliest person I ever met leave. Shame on you.”

“I was-“ Steve wrinkles his forehead. “I don’t know, Tony. Maybe it was the way Sandy treated me. She showered me with attention, and deep down inside, the young boy was all too happy to give in to her advances.”

Tony makes a retching sound. “Steve, too much information. I don’t want to know about your sex life. Keep little Steve out of our conversations. Please.”

“I didn’t…I mean…I would’ve but…you know,” Steve sighs. “I didn’t have sex with her. Sandy got mad as you fired her, and I refused to help her get her job back. It took me a while to realize that I made a grave mistake.”

“Good for you,” Tony smirks. He looks around the room one last time. “Don’t worry. Rumors say Y/N found a new job in no time.”

He hates to admit it, but guilt is eating Steve up. “Good for her. I hope they treat her better than I did. I even forgot to buy her lunch.”

“Yeah…I mean…she will get free cookies and cupcakes every day. Not to forget to mention they will shower her with attention.”

“Who?” Steve quirks a brow. “What are you talking about? Y/N is not that kind of girl! She’s a good girl.”

 “Poor sheltered Steve,” Tony grins. “She moved in with six brothers, Capsicle. Do you think they let her move in to play cards all night?"

Steve looks at his shield, swallowing thickly. What has he done?

Steven Grant Rogers. The golden boy. Captain America himself pushed you into the arms of six men.

He doesn’t want to think about all the things they will do to you.

“How’s that?” Jake smiles wildly when you take a large bite of the cookie he made only for you. He loves to experiment in the kitchen, and even more to share the experience with you.

“Perfect,” you chew audibly. “Is that cinnamon and blueberry?” You moan. “The taste is…I can’t describe it.”

“I’ll put it on the card.”

You love how excited Jake gets when he bakes. He grins and does a little dance before adjusting his classes.

“Aw, I love this so much more than sitting at my office all day,” you glance at the cookies, licking your lips. “I shouldn’t eat more, but…”

“Free cookies for my girl,” Jake shoves another cookie in your mouth. “You’re perfect the way you are, Sweetie. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Jake watches you munch another cookie. He just loves watching you relaxed and happy. “You are going to make me burp if you stuff me with more cookies!”

“I got cupcakes too,” he purrs and points at the cupcakes he baked this morning. “Which one do you want to taste first?”

“You’re a menace,” you sigh. “I can’t eat more, Jake. I love your food but, I’m full.”

“Alright. Jake and Y/N are not around. Now we can get to the plan,” Lloyd points out. “We need to strike hard and fast. I want a hand grenade in Captain Asshole’s ass within the next few days.”

“Lloyd, we talked about your anal fixation, didn’t we?” Andy rolls his eyes as his brother won’t stop making stupid plans. “Did you forget he’s living at the Avengers tower, surrounded by the Avengers? They have a Hulk; we only got you…and your mustache.”

“Ah, we got a little more than my mustache to beat the shit out of Captain America.” Lloyd unlocks his phone to show Andy the tank he got not months ago.

“You’ve got a fucking tank? Lloyd, did you lose your mind? You can’t buy a tank!” Andy throws his hands up as his brother is rather unimpressed. “I mean it!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Andy,” Lloyd tuts. “I didn’t buy it. It was a gift from one of our business partners. They are very generous.”

“Yeah, because you fucked her,” Ari sneers. “I wouldn’t have poked that bitch with a stick.” He shudders.

“My dick made sure that we got a tank and a rocket launcher for free.” Lloyd proudly puffs his chest. “What?” He glares at Curtis. “Don’t act like you are better. You fucked every bimbo coming to your path.”

“Hmm…if you are busy fucking other girls, I can try to make a move on Y/N,” Mike says more to himself than his brothers. He nods, and already thinks about your first date. “I’ll ask her out.”

“Hey, we saw her first,” Ari and Curtis say in unison. “If anyone asks her out, it’s me.”

“Can you stop with the sync shit?” Lloyd wrinkles his nose. “I hate when you do this! And I’m the one who saw her first.”

“Jake saw her first,” Andy corrects. “But I don’t care. I think Pookie is the right girl for me. She’s smart, cute, and sweet. I like it.”

“You like to corrupt the sweet ones,” Curtis snaps at his brother. “You’ll keep your hands off her!”

“Guys! We made…” you burst into the room, grinning wildly. “You need to try the cupcakes Jakie made!” You frown as the brothers look like they were about to attack each other. “What’s wrong?”

“We tried to decide on what we want to order for dinner,” Lloyd lies. He doesn’t want you to know they were fighting over you. “How was your day, Cupcake?”

“It was great! I checked on the numbers for a few hours, and then Jake let me taste his cookies!”

Lloyd’s features darken. “He let you taste his cookies?” He cocks his head to size Jake up.

“Yeah. He made some with cinnamon and blueberries,” you excitedly tell the brothers about the cookies and cupcakes. “How about pasta for dinner?”

“If you want noodles, you’ll get them.” Lloyd purrs. “How about a real thick—” Andy slaps the back of his brother’s head to stop him from saying something stupid. “Let’s order takeout.”

“Let’s order food and have a…MOVIE NIGHT!” You clap your hands. “What do we want to watch?”

The brothers watch you with amusement as you walk around the room, telling them every detail about the movie you want to watch with them.

“You heard the lady,” Mike says. “We need to order food!”

Part 8

[rogerswifesblog]

1 - Better Than Boys

Series Masterlist

A/N: Hi! The first chapter of Better Than Boys! I Hope you’ll like it. There’ll be definitely a lot going on, def some huge dramas of course👀 inspired by this post and the many conversations we @jamneuromain had🤣

Please leave some feedback and reblog!

Pairing: Boyfriends!Dad! Andy Barber x reader

Warnings: boyfriends dad Andy, age gap (Andy mid forties, reader mid/early twenties) , smut, oral m receiving, daddy kink, ball and cock worship, cheating, guilt, angst

Friday evenings were movie nights at Jacobs. You were there. You brought popcorn. The movie had already started. You were cuddled up in a blanket on the couch in their living room. The pizza would be there soon, too.

Jacob wasn’t there.

Your boyfriend wasn’t home and forgot to tell you.

And you felt humiliated as soon as a confused Andy Barber opened the door.

“Oh hello Mr Barber! It’s nice to see you”, you greeted your boyfriend's father, who had just opened the front door. A slightly tired smile on his face, the dark circles under his eyes only confirming how little he slept in all the recent months he was busy with the divorce.

He opened the door a bit wider to let you in. “Hello, Sweets. Jacob left an hour ago. He said he’d be gone for a while”, he informed you, helping you take off your slightly wet jacket from the rain.

Confused, you looked up at the man. “He left? Oh, that’s…he’ll definitely be back soon. Fridays are movie nights, so he should definitely be back soon. I’d wait for him if that’s okay”, of course Andy let you stay. He’d let you stay any day at any hour, if he had to be honest with himself.

And he really shouldn’t feel like that.

“Jacob just called-he won’t make it. The rain is too heavy for him to drive so…he stays the night at his friends place..if you want I can drive you home”, said Andy entering the living room, making you jump in surprise, especially since you were currently watching a horror movie. You felt a blush creep onto your cheeks while you slowly looked back at the older man, before looking out of the window. The weather was awful, the whole world seemed gray and windy. It was raining cats and dogs. You definitely wouldn’t feel good making Andy drive in this weather.

Sighing, you shook your head. “No, I’d stay the night if that’s okay. It’s late and the rain is awful. I’d be worried when you’d have to drive home”, you shrugged, just when you turned your head back to the tv the possessed doll appeared scaring you enough to nearly make you drop the popcorn bowl.

At the same time Andy laughed in amusement. “ ‘Course you can stay. Do you mind if I accompany you? I’d love to take my mind off the horrors I’m going through and watch a real one-Annabelle, right?” “Yeah, I’d love some company”, you mumbled pulling the blanket higher to your face.

Andy sat down next to you with his own pizza, already having half of it eaten. “If you want some more help yourself, I won’t be able to eat both mine and JJs pizza”, you chuckled, but even to your ears it sounded stained.

“Sure, you can have some of mine, too, if you want”, he said, putting the box on the glass table in front of the couch. While he leaned back, his arm accidentally brushed over yours. Goosebumps erupted over your whole body. A shiver run down your back.

God, why couldn’t this stop? It happened every time Andy touched you, if by accident or not.

The occasional hugs to congratulate someone on your birthday, or well, Andy’s birthday. Every time that happened you felt your heartbeat quicken, your breath hitching and sometimes when he pulled you a bit tighter against him, even your pussy throb. He affected you in every way possible.

Twenty minutes later you decided to finally take a piece of Andy’s pizza, immediately feeling your mouth burn. “Holy shit-“, you coughed putting the piece back. Andy looked at you in surprise, partly because of the swear and also because of your coughing. “What-why is it so spicy”, you tried to clear your throat, but it only felt worse.

“Right I forgot-it’s probably because of the jalapeños and hot sauce, wait let me get you some milk. It should help”, with that he rushed to the kitchen filling you a glass of milk. As soon as he gave you the glass you chugged it down, some of the milk not even making it into your mouth, instead leaking from the corners of your mouth down your chin and throat, soaking the collar of your t-shirt.

And Andy was hard now.

He immediately looked away, not trusting himself with you around. Especially when you look like this. Wet from the milk, messy. What would happen if you’d suck his dick? Would you be this messy too? Would you let him finish on your face? Let him rub his cum into your skin? Mark you?

Fuck.

His dick twitched again and he really hoped you couldn’t see it when he covered himself with the blanket, also taking his pizza box to cover his crotch a bit more. Now you definitely wouldn’t notice it anymore.

“How can you eat these? I feel like my throat is bleeding”, you mumbled, drinking the last sip of your milk. “Don’t swallow-it will maybe help a bit better”, he couldn’t stop himself from licking over his own bottom lip when he saw your red, swollen lips. How badly he just wanted you to let him fill your mouth with- Andy, get a grip on yourself.

“Any better?”, he asked, feeling a bit bad having forgotten to tell you about the jalapeños on his pizza. You nodded slowly, feeling some of the milk leak from the corners of your mouth while you gulped down the milk again.

This time Andy couldn’t stop himself from brushing his thumb over the corner of your mouth, then over your lips before gently pushing his thumb into your mouth, pressing against your tongue. Noticing how you didn’t even move away. He could even feel like your tongue pushed against the tip of his finger.

You were looking right into his eyes, never breaking eye contact while you slowly sucked his thumb a bit further into your mouth. This time it was Andy’s breath that hitched. You were definitely doing this on purpose. Making him all hot and bothered.

Now that he thought about it, maybe it wasn’t the first time you tried to tease him.

Maybe the first time you did it was when you walked around the house just in an oversized t-shirt, your legs on full display and when you bent down to pick up the napkin you dropped he saw the lacy panties you wore.

Or maybe it was when you left your phone on the table with a picture in dark blue lingerie. A picture of you. He recognised the necklace you had on. A necklace he quickly bought after Jacob told him he had no gift for you. So technically…the necklace he gave you.

There had been so many times he had to control his damn dick when you were around, always bending down right in front of him or brushing your ass against him while passing by him.

“You little minx”, he didn’t even mean to say it, but the smirk he received made it clear you knew exactly what you were doing. He pulled out his thumb from your lips, not being able to stop now. The switch was now turned over, he couldn’t control it anymore. He needed you. To feel you. Your young, pretty body is against him. You soft, plump lips on his dick. Wanting to hear you moan. Make you cum, over and over again. Maybe he’d manage to get you to squirt. He was sure nobody had done it before. Not his son. He could hear the two of you sometimes-the walls were thin. Even just from hearing your fake moans he could tell you were pretending.

He wanted to hear the real moans. He wanted you to orgasm on his fingers, mouth, dick, face, whatever.

Andy grabbed your shirt, pulling you against his chest immediately pressing his lips to your in a demanding and wanting kiss. His tongue didn’t need to fight for dominance, already having won it. A gasp escaped your lips when he pulled you over his lap, instantly thrusting against your core, the blanket pulling down from your bodies.

Panting you started kissing his neck, gently sucking gentle marks beneath his collar since you didn’t want anyone to see them. Or well, just one person. His son. His son shouldn’t see the hickeys you were currently leaving on his fathers neck.

Fuck.

Only then did you really start thinking about that. About the fact that you kissed Andy Barber. Your boyfriend's dad. The man you had a crush on since the day you met him. The cause of your wet dreams. The cause of your best orgasms when you fucked yourself on your dildo, thinking about him.

A moan escaped Andy’s lips when your hand wrapped around his thick cock. You haven’t even noticed when you had pulled his sweatpants down-or did he do that? It didn’t matter anyway.

“Let me suck you off”, you whispered against his neck, licking over the mark you just sucked underneath his collarbone. By the thought of having your lips wrapped around his cock his hips bucked against your crotch again. “Fuck, yea Sweets, suck Daddy’s cock.”

He didn’t mean to say it. Until now he never even thought about referring to himself as daddy. It just slipped. Like he couldn't control his own brain to mouth filter anymore. Now he definitely scared you off, just when it started to get…interesting. But then again, he could’ve expected you’d surprise him once again.

As soon as he said that your eyes widened, a tingle spread in your chest. And a little smirk on your face. You couldn’t stop yourself from biting down on your bottom lip. “Sure, Daddy”, your voice was only a whisper while you slowly leaned down to his cockhead, the red tip already leaking in your palm while you slowly stroked his thick shaft. Your thumb brushing right along the vein that you’d love to feel against your throbbing cunt.

And Andy…was definitely bigger and better than Jacob, thicker, longer and slightly curved, perfect to hit the spot that neither you or Jacob could find.

You licked over the slit, tasting his precum on your tongue. Moaning quietly you licked slowly over his length, down to his balls, making him gasp. God, his bells were always so sensitive yet no woman ever gave them much attention until now. You started licking and suckling on them, especially when you felt him press your head harder into his balls, making you suck and lick on them greedily.

You were all enthusiastic, lacking the finesse of a more experienced person but the eagerness made up for it, especially when he felt how you nuzzled against his cock. How you worshiped his dick, playing with him, slurping and lapping his pre cum up, before once again trying to get as much of his balls in your mouth as possible.

When he looked down at you, your cheeks and lips were glistening with his pre-cum. “Fuck, sweets you’re so pretty when you’re on your knees for me”, he mumbled grabbing you by the hair and pulling a bit away, his other hand positioning his cocktip at your lips. “Now let Daddy check your throat”, a grin spread over his lips when you opened your mouth wide, letting him slid into your mouth, slowly fucking in deeper.

You let him thrust into your mouth as he pleased, first slow but getting faster and harsher with the second, especially after noticing the lack of your gag reflex. “Oh what a treasure you are, any man would love to call you his, you know that?”, he moaned, pushing you further down, till your nose touched his pubicbone. “Oh fuck-and that’s what you can do? Didn’t think I’d be even more jealous of my kid-and here you can deep throat me”, you felt blood rush to your cheeks listening to his words, at the same time wetness drenched your panties. “-my filthy little girl, my perfect girl”, he moaned, letting you come up for air.

A few more thrusts and he felt his balls tighten, coming closer to his orgasm, which you also noticed, touching his tight balls and massaging them. “Daddy-please”, you moaned before suckling again at his cock, greedy slurping moving your head quickly up and down, till his grip on your head hardened.

“Fuck-open wide Sweets, daddy has a gift for you”, he grunted and you immediately opened your mouth wider, letting him shoot his load on your tongue and face, stroking himself to the last drop dripped onto your face, before pulling his pants back on.

You smiled at him bashfully, swallowing his cum, while he leaned down and kissed your cum stained lips gently, his hands cupping your cheeks, slowly massaging the cum with his thumbs into your skin. Marking you. Just like he wanted to do it since he had met you. The endorphins filled the air between you, both of you smiling against each others lips.

He pulled you back onto his lap after pulling his sweatpants back up. “You’re amazing sweets”, he smiled, pecking your lips again. Butterflies erupted in your belly, instead of being comforting, only making it harder to breathe, as the truth slowly sank in. While he grabbed some napkins from the table you felt your blood run cold. The guilt creeps up, making your chest feel tighter. You didn’t say anything while he wiped off the cum from your face, somehow making you even more humiliated than when you had actually sucked his dick and he talked about his son, your boyfriend.

What the hell have you been thinking?

Just when he wanted to kiss you again you backed away, your heart feeling tight at the confused and sad face he made, while you slowly stood up from his lap, stepping away from him. “Where are you going? Are you-Y/N? Are you okay?”, he started asking softly, but nervous.

You backed away from Andy when he stood up, trying to gently take your hands, but you hastily pulled away. “Don’t-this-this was a mistake“ you whispered, tears welling up in your eyes. Of course Andy noticed, feeling his own throat getting tighter, not being able to make a sound. He opened his mouth but no words came out.

Without saying anything else you rushed into jacob's room, the door falling loudly shut behind you.

Andy felt his heart break into a thousand pieces as he watched you run from him. He dropped back onto the couch the feeling of warmth and comfort now replaced by devastation and regret.

What the hell had he just done?

The tears finally started falling, the quiet sobs leaving your mouth while you slowly slid down the door, pulling your legs up close to your chest. The taste of his cum still in your mouth, reminding you of what you just did. The humiliation finally hitting you hard. Everything coming up. You were pathetic.

God.

No.

What have you done??

No, no, no.

This was such a huge mistake.

You cheated on your boyfriend.

You fucking cheated on your boyfriend with his dad.

The worst part of it was…

You didn’t regret what happened with Andy.

You regret being in a relationship with Jacob in the first place.

Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it and are curious what happens next!

Support your writers by reblogging and leaving feedback! Receiving feedback motivates a lot!

Questions? HC ideas? Drabble ideas? Thoots? (For this au or in general) -> flood my inbox!😋❤️

Taglist: @wintasssoldier @shmaptain-ashmerica [ I tagged you because I saw you commented/reblogged the series Masterlist once:)]

Wanna be tagged? Be active by reblogging and leaving feedback and let me know!

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Don't Speak 42

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)

Character: librarian!Andy Barber

Note: Almost lost this chapter bc my computer went nuts.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

You hit delete chat in the conversation settings. You leave it just as blank as before and close out the app. Just like Dr. Kemp said to. He can’t be there right away but he has a better plan. You’re not good at those anyway.

All you have to do now is wait out Andy. He’ll be going to work come morning and you’ll be alone. Then you can take your things, the things that are really yours, and leave. Finally. You realise that’s exactly what you’ve been longing for. A way out.

The hard part is still ahead of you. Freedom is still just out of reach. You have to pretend that everything’s fine but you’re realising, you’ve been doing that for a while.

You shake off your nerves and roll the tears back behind your eyes. You can cry later. Even as your cheeks strain and your nose tingles, you resist. Not yet, not yet.

You finish tidying up the tablet, trying to leave it as you found it. With not much else than your drawings. You close the cover and bring it with you as you turn off the lights and head upstairs. You sop up the mess in the bathroom and leave it dark. 

You hesitate to approach the bedroom. You hear Andy’s snores, low and steady. Your skin crawls. You enter and put the tablet on the small side table where you charge it. You hang the damp robe and face the bed.

For the first time in your life, you want to hurt someone. You’re not afraid of being the one hurt. You really want to hit him and kick him and just let out your fury on him. You can’t and you won’t. You’re not who he told you you are. And you’re not strong enough for that. You’re still too small, too weak.

So you near the bed and climb under the covers. You move slowly as you pull the duvet to your chin. He snorts, making you wince, and sidles up behind you as he wraps his arm around you. You go rigid but fight through the ice that threatens to encase you. He can’t know, he can’t know.

“Mmm, where were you?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Had a bath,” you squeak, putting your hand over his. You want to rip him away but instead, you squeeze, holding him tighter. “Sorry.”

“Nmph,” he grumbles and nuzzles your crown, just as quickly drifting back into his rhythmic snores.

You exhale little by little. You close your eyes but just as quickly open again. You know you won’t sleep. You can’t. Not with him as good as on top of you. Not knowing what awaits you in the morning. But mostly, not with that needling guilt in the nape of your neck.

Amber.

You betrayed your own sister. You treated her like a villain. You demonised her. You ostracised her. You left her!

You don’t know if she can ever forgive you. You can’t blame her for that. Worse, you don’t think you’d let her forgive you. You don’t deserve it.

You feel brittle as you bite down on your cheeks. No crying, not yet, you remind yourself. For once, you have to do things right. You have to follow through. It’s up to you now.

🕊️

“I didn’t know you could make crepes,” Andy smiles as he cuts into the roll, compote fruit and syrup oozing out.

You do your best to mirror him, making a show of nibbling away at your own food.

“I found a recipe,” you tap your tablet, not far from you.

“That’s great. You’re… doing better.”

“I’m trying,” you assure him, “I hope it doesn’t make you late for work.”

“Hm? Oh, no, breakfast with you is worth it,” he pops a bit into his mouth and hums. You regret not spitting in it, repulsed by the thought when it came to you, but now, not so much.

He can sit there and lie to you. It makes it easier for you to do the same. He’s been lying this entire time. Making you feel like you’re a problem. A burden. No, you were a thing to be used. To be exploited. He never liked you, the girl he calls dove, he only liked what he could get out of you. And he got off on it.

He took Amber from you. He did that. Yes, you’re stupid for falling for it but he knew what he was doing. He lied to you. And you know exactly how he did it. 

He took all that therapy and twisted it around on you. You wonder why he even bothers with Dr. Kemp when he’s not trying to change. More than the narcissist he branded your sister, he’s a psychopath. You found that on the internet too.

Bitter, angry, hateful. You’ve never felt this way before. You’ve never truly loathed anyone. Not even your grandfather. His fists were nothing compared to Andy’s emotional battering.

“Well, don’t let it get too cold. They get gummy,” you force a smile, only fed by the thought of what comes after. Of what you’re going to do when he leaves.

Run.

🕊️

When Andy leaves, you’re in the kitchen tidying up. You left all the dishes in a stack to make a convincing show for him. You’ll be busy all day scouring the skillet and the fruit stuck to the inside of the pot, along with your plates and the cutlery. Oh and the mess you made of the counters.

The door closes but you don’t break your charade right away. You give it ten minutes. Fifteen, just to be sure. Then you tiptoe down the hall and look out the window. The tire tracks are already snowed over. 

You don’t hesitate. You’ve never been more certain of anything in your life. This is your chance. You spin and race upstairs. 

You search the closet and the dresser, everywhere for the bag you brought there. It’s gone. Along with all the clothes from your old life. All that was you. Andy took them along with everything else.

Whatever. You grab a few pieces of the more practical slant; turtlenecks, some leggings, a pair of jeans. Socks and underwear. You work quickly, with intent. Just enough to get out, not a lot. Not too much. As little as you can. You don’t want to keep too much that will remind you of this place.

You rush back downstairs after you change. You grab your tablet and message Dr. Kemp, the chat log still blank. You delete each message once he responds. You can’t be too careful.

‘He’s gone. When can you get here?’

His reply isn’t long; ‘ten minutes, been waiting a block away.’

‘I’ll be outside.’

You close the cover of the tablet and stare at it. You hover it over the countertop but stop yourself. No, you earned this. It’s yours. Andy never did pay you for the painting. Not in full.

You hug the tablet and go to retrieve the bag you found in the front closet. A tote bag with faded floral print. You don’t wonder where it came from. You don’t want to think too hard about him or this place. They’ll soon be long gone.

You pull on your boots and your coat. That’s all he’s left you of your former existence. You don’t suspect you would have them for much longer if you stay. You shudder and grip the fabric handles of the bag.

You open the front door and step out into the drift. The snow floats down in fluffy flakes. As you step off the porch, it collects on your lashes. You make slow progress, lifting your knees high as the unshoveled walk makes each step a task. As you come up to the curb, a distant rumble comes from down the avenue.

You shield your eyes against the steady snowfall and squint. You think it’s Dr. Kemp. You’re not sure. When you saw his car, it was dark and you were more focused on other things.

He rolls down the snow-carpeted road cautiously and pulls in the next driveway before turning around and coming up along the curb. He grins at you through the passenger window and the doors unlock with a loud thunk. You grab the handle and pull.

“Hey, sweetheart, I’m here. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

“Thanks, doctor, I… thank you. I…”

“You sounded scared, how could I say no?”

You nod and look over your shoulder at the house.

“Let me deal with Andy when the time comes,” he insists, “come on, it’s hell out here. Get in.”

You nod and haul your bag onto the floor ahead of you and put the tablet on top. You stop yourself before you release the device. You look at Dr. Kemp. He stares.

“You alright?” He asks.

“I forgot something,” you say as you let go of the tablet. “I’ll be right back.”

“Oh?”

“I’ll be two minutes,” you hold up as many fingers, “promise.”

“I trust you, sweetheart,” he assures with a smile, “I’ll be here.”

You take and breath and close the passenger door gently. You whip around and stumble back up the walk, stepping into the holes you left on your way out. You burst inside, not carrying for the melting snow you leave in your stead or the undone dishes, or anything about this place. There’s only one last thing that needs to be done.

You take the stairs two at a time as you complete your final chore. You barrel back down and don’t bother with a final goodbye as you head back out. For once, you feel accomplished. Like you’ve done something and you don’t give a heck what Andy feels.

You don’t look back, you just keep going. You falter but not from doubt, only the snow. You get back to the car and rip the door open, climbing in with a heave. You fall into the seat as you snap the door shut. You lean your head back and sigh.

“I’m ready to go now,” you say.

“Great,” he shifts into gear, “put your seat belt on, sweetheart, the roads are awful.”

You do as he says as you catch your breath. Your skin is buzzing from more than just the cold. You fold your hands as you try to settle your nerves. 

“Good girl,” Dr. Kemp praises, “we’ll be home soon.”

🕊️

It’s real once you walk through the front door. You look around at the home decor and nearly fall apart. The stringent, almost sterile walls of Andy’s house haunt you. It’s only then, with something to compare them to, that you realise how much you dreaded them. How much you despised them.

You look around and take in every inch. The brown leather bench beside the door, a tall coat rack on the other side of the entryway, a mat for your snow laden boots, and a runner rug with the honey coloured curlicues on a deeper shade of brown. There’s a faint smell of cedar in the air.

“Ann made up the guest room for you,” he says, “and the kids are at school so they shouldn’t be a bother.”

You stop short, your hands on the collar of your coat. You look at him, dull with shock. Your cheeks tremble as you gulp.

“Ann… your…”

“My wife, yeah,” he says coolly, “she’s excited to meet you.”

“She is?” You blink, “I uh…” your eyes flit all around, “I’m so sorry, this isn’t–”

“It’s fine,” he intones, “really. She understands how vulnerable some of them a safe space.”

It’s like a slap in the face. You don’t know what you expected or why you expected it. He’s your doctor, you’re his patient, a crazy person. How did you forget that?

You glance down at his hand, his left hand. There’s a gold ring on his finger. It wasn’t there before. Not in your sessions, not at Thanksgiving. Never. Why wasn’t he with his family during the holidays?

“I thought I heard the door,” a woman appears from the other end of the hall, “oh, this must be her.”

You bat your lashes, fighting to hold yourself together. Don’t cry yet. 

“Uh, hi,” you squeak as she struts down the hall.

“Hello, hon,” the tall blonde pulls you into a hug as you cower.

“Ann,” Kemp clears his throat.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I forget–” she lets you go, “I didn’t scare you, did I?”

You only shake your head. Your eyes are dry and itchy. You can only look back at her before slowly glancing at Steve. Your cheeks twinge and your lips pinch. He never told you about her. Why would he?

You feel like your chest is empty. There’s an icy whirlwind inside of you, flowing through you, sending a shiver up your spine. This is the worst thing you've ever felt. What is it?

“Ann,” Kemp says, “she's had a long night.”

“Oh, of course, you take her up to the guest room,” she backs off, “you take your time, hon, do whatever you need to do.”

You nod and mouth a thank you, unable to get any noise out. She goes back the way she came and you turn, focusing on undoing your coat. What have you done?

“I guess I should've warned you, huh? What with your… issues,” he rubs the back of his neck. “Just let me know if it gets too crowded around here.”

“Okay,” you croak.

You bend to wiggle free of your boots. You don't know what to do. You just want to be alone.

He leads you through the house. Into a cozy front room and to a staircase curled up to the second floor. You follow behind him, the tote bag dangling from your grasp.

He opens a door as he faces you. You try to hide your emotions but you can barely keep from frowning. He rests his hand on the door frame.

“This is you. I'm down at the very end,” he points over his shoulder, “if you need anything…”

“I'm sorry.”

“Sorry? For…”

“Coming here.”

“Sweetheart, I wouldn't say yes if it was a problem,” he coos as he reaches to caress your shoulder, “I wouldn't be a very good doctor if I don't make sure my patients are safe, huh?”

“I guess not,” you murmur.

“Look, you just get yourself situated. Try to relax. I know a lot's happened but you're strong. You can do this,” he leans in, “I believe in you.”

He kisses your forehead and you wince. His hand goes to your chin as he pulls away. You stare up at him.

“I meant it when I said you're special,” he hums.

“I…” you turn your head away from him, slipping free, “I need to lay down.”

“Sure,” he smirks and drops his hand, “I'll check in when I can.”

You turn into the bedroom, slouching through as you sense him behind you. You feel him watching, as if waiting for something. You refuse to look back.

“Just relax, sweetheart,” he purrs, “you're exactly where you need to be.”

The door shuts and you gasp as the bag falls from your hand. What does he mean?

[sparkledfirecracker]

WIP Game

Thank you @ghotifishreads for the tag. You can find the post here.

I’ve added a few more WIPs since the last time I played this. I think at this point there’s well over 100 WIPs in my docs. So I did make a selection, I left all my original works one out and kept it strictly fanfic based. It was fun to see some sitting in my docs since 2020/2021 untouched(no pun intended), but no desire or idea to finish them.

The rules given were as followed: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

I will change them a little, if you are curious to find out more about a title, ask me about it and I’ll share a little snippet or tell you about it if there’s literally only 1 line in it 🤣.

WIP LIST (under the cut, it’s a long one)

Daddy Academy - Ari - Our Little Secret incl 4 & 5

1 Daddy Academy - humping

2 Daddy Academy - wand voyeur

3 Daddy Academy - missionary

6 Daddy Academy- anal both ways

7 Daddy Academy - Somnophilia

M&H spin off Lloyd Hansen vs assassin- Becoming Mrs. Hansen

FA Freezy spin off M&H Good for You

FA M&H Nick spin off - New Beginnings

FA - Nick vs turtle - Love is a Verb

FA Nick & Turtle - The Night We Met

FA Andy - spin off M&H Waves

FA Andy - part 3

FA Pebbles backstory

MH spin-off Pete Brenner

FA Steve - spin off biker au M&H

FA Curtis part 2 - M&H spin off

FA Ari spin off M&H Wildest Dreams - Returning Home

FA Ari - spin-off part 2

FA Hayden - When the Phoenix Rises

FA Frank - spin-off M&H

FA Jake Jensen vs notes

FA Ari - prequel his POV

FA Mace & Needle - spin-off M&H

FA Johnny biker spin off

FA Colin spin-off M&H

FA Nick G vs babysitter

Gym Rats Olympic Winner Steve

Wellness resort CEO Andy Barber

Wellness Resort - Ransom

Golfer Ransom Finale

Spicy Neighbours Steve & Bucky

Sinful Guilt - Andy and Steve

Sorority Story

Unruly / Roaring Nightskies

Cuckolding - Ari / Andy

Corrupt stepdad Andy

Promiscuous invitation

Valentines stepdad

Champagne New Years - Ransom

Ice Hockey Jake

Pornstar Galore

Spinning Wheel of Death

Coffee & Shakes

Halloween - Ransom Sugar daddy

Santa’s sack

Cam girl - dildo review

12 days of Christmas

Endearing Sins spin off - Ransom & Lee

DPP story ransom and Ari

Pegging skinny Steve

Brazen and Buff

Blasphemy- Lloyd

Mechanic Frank

Request Andy - The One That Got Away

Loyalty of Life - Cult leader Andy

Ari vacation

Viking Freezy part 2

The hook-up

Dangerous Thirst

Escort Ari

Test of Faith - Endearing Sins spin-off / finished not posted

Ari - turned down date

Mister silver Fox

Skating rink

Viking Freezy part 3

Gardner game - Curtis

Dark Prince Ari

Magician Jake

Rafe/Ransom Dare Night

0900-TeleRidge

Panty sniffing Devin

Masquerade club

Favorite convict

Chateau inheritance

Blowing the dice

Barbarians

Travel diaries

Worked up - Andy

Skating rink - Jake

Tree chopping

Welder Steve

[buckybarnesisdaddy]

Baby Barber is on the way!! 😊🥳🤰🏼

Sadly people like Morgan hardly ever change and see how their actions and words hurt others. I hope I’m wrong and she gets it together but the bar is low 😅

Scott as a dad is all she’s even known until Andy came into the picture. So for him to be MIA after such a tragic incident, she just wants what she’s had her whole life but Scott can’t get over his own guilt to check on his children. And even though he is a grade A Asshole I’m sure some part of him is actually worried for Audrey and even Suede. At least I hope so.

Two Good Reasons, Part 10

Summary: Happy Thanksgiving

Pairings: Andy Barber X Reader

Rating: explicit

Warnings:  explicit language, explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, PIV sex, creampie, "hut" Suede, sad Audrey, mean sister/aunt, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 8.6K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

You lean over your son’s hospital bed. His tiny little body somehow looks even smaller now laying here passed out and helpless. Petting over his face, and sniffling when Andy calmly walks into the room, “How’s he doing?” He kisses your temple before leaning to kiss Suede’s forehead.

“He’s asleep. He’s okay, but a few ribs have been fractured due to the CPR. Nothing unusual,” the words are so heavy leaving your mouth; it’s the only way you can say them out loud. Nothing about this is usual. To think it could have been avoided completely. “They want him to stay the night here to monitor him.”

A silence falls over the room. You’re both beyond exhausted. You’re thankful that he fell back asleep in the ambulance. “He’s hurting so much, and there’s nothing I can do for him,” Andy pulls you into his warm embrace, and you bury your face in his chest. Everything is crashing down on you at that moment. Your baby is in pain, and there’s nothing you can do.

“How’s Audrey?” you wish you could hold her. Comfort your sweet angelic girl. Now that you have had time to breathe, you think of her pitiful voice, worrying about Suede dying.

Andy pulls you back to stare at your worn face. He’s never thought you looked as old as you feel, but right now you look so tired. Exhausted beyond what sleep could give you. “Ransom called on the way over here. Linda met them at Harlan’s. She’s okay, but worried about her brother and mom. He wants to know if you’d like him to bring her here to visit for a bit?” you respond by nodding your head.

You need to comfort her, too. As much as she worries about her brother on a daily basis, you know she’s not focused on anything but Suede, wondering how he’s doing. She needs to see he’s breathing, and he’s alive. Plus, you just want to hold her. “Did she look scared? I couldn’t — Andy, he needed me more.”

“Honey, nobody blames you for having to ignore her for a moment,” you wish there were two of you.

“But she’s always getting pushed to the side for his health, and it was her birthday, and…”

“This isn’t your fault,” he interrupts. His voice is so cold as he pulls you off his chest, “None of this is your fault. You had seconds to make a decision, and because of that our boy is alive,” ours. Andy is a better father. He deserved the title.

“Can I keep Suede from Scott? I don’t want him or Audrey around them. I can’t trust them. I’ll go to jail if I have to, but I-I-I-I I can’t lose my babies.”

“Shh,” he pulls you back into a bear hug, petting over your head. “Ray is going to push an emergency custody hearing, that you won’t have to be there for. This is a life and death situation, so no. You do not have to allow Scott to see the kids. I can’t — I can’t promise you sole custody. But this is enough to have supervised visitation,” it wasn’t ideal. But it was better than nothing. You couldn’t allow your babies there with him and Taylor.

Something about the whole situation just bubbles in your gut. Things have shifted. While you don’t think things were done on purpose, lazy negligence is still a form of child abuse. You can’t risk it anymore. You won’t. Your kids deserve better than that.

Ransom clears his throat behind you, because of course Andy told him to bring Audrey by already. He knew that you needed to see your daughter as much as she needed you. Sniffling you let go of Andy. Bending over, you rush towards Audrey, and pick your tiny little girl up. Squeezing her so tightly. “Mommy, I was so scared.”

“I know, baby. I was, too. But Suedey is so strong. He’s sleeping. And his breathing is good. He’s got some small fractures, and he’s in some pain, but he’s good. I’m sorry this happened on your birthday.”

“It’s okay,” no it wasn’t. “I didn’t want a birthday party anyways. I don’t want another one ever again,” you hope she didn’t mean that. Hope that this didn’t fully ruin her thoughts on birthdays all together. “Can we still go eat? Maybe soft play?”

“Suede can’t bounce around for a little bit. His chest has to heal. But we can go to eat. We could ask a friend if they’d like to go, and Andy and Suede can do something else?” She crinkles her nose, shaking her head.

“Oh. No, that’s okay,” it isn’t fair to Suede, but it isn’t fair to Audrey either. She’s a trooper and never blames him, but sometimes you wish she wasn’t so understanding. That she would ask questions. You fear she’s just suppressing those thoughts, and perhaps one day she’ll have an outburst and hate Suede for it. “How about his favorite pizza and then a movie.”

“How about what Audrey wants?”

“It’s okay. Can I see bubba?” You respond by walking her to the side of his bed. Tilting her head as she looks at him, she reaches out a small hand to pet over his, “Did Taylor do it on purpose?”

“I think Taylor just doesn’t think sometimes.”

“Then daddy should have checked for allergies?”

“Maybe mommy should have,” Andy clears his throat, and you turn to look at him. He just shakes his head, and reaches out his hand to place it on the small of your back. Silently telling you again that this isn’t your fault. It’ll take you some time before you believe that. If ever. You’re the main caregiver, and you should have known that Scott and Taylor weren’t responsible enough. And you’re the one that made them have Suede, too.

You could have brought him later. You could have kept an eye out for him, “Doe, you’re spiraling,” find you a man that knows what you’re feeling without being told. Find one that doesn’t make you cry, that holds you when you can’t stand up. Find one that makes you a better person. A better parent. And you did.

You inhale deeply, giving Audrey a kiss, “I know. Audrey, you are the bravest five year old that I know.”

“Suede is braver.”

“He’s brave because he has a brave big sister,” she buries her face into your neck, and you feel her tears. She was so scared. Still is. “He’s going to be okay, sissy.”

“You promise?” You would make sure he was okay, and he would continue to be.

“I do, baby. Now,” you pull her back to look at you, using your hands to wipe away the excess tears on her chubby cheeks. “Do you want to sleep here with me and Andy? Suede will be going home tomorrow.”

She nods her head, holding back onto you again. “Andy, did you…?”

“I got us all a change of clothes, honey. Ransom, thanks, man,” he gives his colleague, and friend, a hard handshake, and you thank him silently.

“Thank you, uncle Ann,” Ransom steps behind you, and out of character, kisses her on her head before patting your back, and leaving your family of four. The way Audrey clings to you, you wonder if she knows that you can’t let her see her daddy as of right now. It’s just something you physically can’t do. He doesn’t deserve them. Or your kindness.

“Ouch, mama,” Suede holds onto his chest after you ask him to pick up his dirty clothes. “Huts.”

“Suede,” Andy pops his head into the bedroom. Suede furrows his brows, but leans over to pick up the discarded pajamas, and tosses them into the hamper.

“Me tied!” he whines, stomping his foot for emphasis.

“I know you’re tired, buddy. But you can’t keep using your chest hurting as a way to get out of things. The doctor said you have to start moving again,” Suede huffs out a puff of air, and sits on his bed. Crossing his arms a bit too hard, his angry face turns into a pout, and he reaches his arms up for you. “Buddy, you can’t move too fast.”

“Come here, baby,” reaching down, you collect him in your arms, rocking him back and forth, “You okay?”

“Chess. It huts,” you know it did. You saw the x-rays. See the bruising still. “Me oom. Miss it.”

“We’re just going to be gone for a week,” Andy gives him a quick kiss to his head. “Doe, we gotta get going. Let me go get the princess. We’ve got to catch our flight. iPads are charged. Snacks are packed. Suede’s medicine is in mommy’s bag. And we’re going to Michigan!”

“Aye!” He claps his little hands together, forgetting about his sore chest. Distraction was the best tactic for him.

“Princess Audrey! Are you done brushing your teeth?” Andy jumps from the side of the door, and Audrey squeals. Laughing as she puts her toothbrush on her own bathroom counter. “Mommy, Suede, and I are ready. What about you?” She nods her head, jumping into his arms. “Lights off! Let’s get our butts to the airport.”

“Andy — daddy, I’ve never flown before. Is it scary?” You grab the kids’ backpacks out of the hall, glancing at Andy and your sweet angel. Even though she’s struggling on what she wants to call Andy, you love that she still wants to call him anything. He’d taken such good care of her while you tended to Suede, and then, you’d switch, so you can spend time with her. Not having to do this alone is making life so much more enjoyable.

“Of course not. You and Suede have some toys, and your iPads…”

“Mimis,” it’s a running joke now to make sure that minis are added to iPads every time, it made all the difference to clarify that they are minis. It’s one of Suede’s favorite pastimes. “Nini and Papa!”

Time to see your parents. And sister. And brother. They hadn’t seen you since Suede turned one, and then not long after your world slowly started to change. Ignoring all the signs that Scott was no good. Even your mother told you, practically begged you not to marry him. She’d said that she had a car ready to take you away from the venue. Your dad told her to mind her business. Oh well, Nini and Papa’s here we go.

——

“Do we get to sleep in uncle Ryan’s bed?” Both kids had been full of chatter since landing. They enjoyed flying, and did well, and the first time flyer baggies you gave to each passenger went well.

“No! Me seep wif mama daddy!” The two of them trudge up the steps. Suede grunting as he pulls the suitcase that he insisted he roll. “No no Uck Yan.”

“Who is yuck?”

“Nini!” The two of them scream, dropping their suitcases on the porch, and your mom bends down to see them better. Opening up her arms for a hug.

“Easy on Suede’s chest,” she grimaces, before gently hugging them. You reach for the bigger suitcase before Andy swoops to the back of the car. He almost pushed her hand off of it.

“Let me get these. You go on,” you want to help. You’re not helpless.

“I can get one of them.”

“No,” he answers with an abrupt finality. “Go with the kids,” you don’t know how to take that comment. It kind of hurts your feelings that he was short with you. And he didn’t even smile when saying it. You can help with luggage. They were your dern suitcases anyways. You had to do it by yourself when you were with Scott.

Suede pulls his shirt down, revealing his chest bruise, and telling his Nini ouch. “Hey mom,” you say, giving her the biggest hug.

“Hey Andy,” she says over your shoulder, ignoring you to watch your fiance lug the suitcases that you could have helped him with. “I’m glad the two of you finally came to your senses. I never liked the first one.”

“Mother!” Audrey makes a face at your mom, but Suede grabs Andy’s hand, repeating my daddy. And you just want to change the conversation away from Scott, “Is Ryan here?”

“He’s in the backyard with your father. Can Suede run?” That’s all he ever does some days.

“Chess me un ast. Atch me,” he sprints into the house, stopping when he has no idea which way to go. Looking back at Audrey who walks with him, shrugging.

“Audi, keep walking all the way straight back,” you tell them, nodding in the direction to the back porch.

“Andy, why don’t you take them out back. We’ll take the luggage upstairs,” you mother smiles so sweetly at Andy. You know he’s attractive, but she didn’t have to look at him like that.

“No,” he’s being ridiculous. You can carry the damn luggage. “I’ll put it by the stairs. Doe, don’t take them upstairs,” you roll your eyes as he grabs each of your babies’ hands in one of his, and your frustration all but disappears with how sweet he looks with them. Your vision goes a bit blurry watching as they walk towards the back door.

Finally get to enjoy the thing you’ve always wanted when pain radiates through your tit, and you yelp, glaring at your mom, “You just hit me!”

“They look quite full. Are you pregnant?” the woman smirks at you. First she slaps your boob, and now she’s smirking.

“No,” you start to walk away from her. You need to pee. It was a long ride. She follows you. Meeting your every step, “Drop it, mother.”

“Mother,” she mocks. “Why won’t Andy let you carry the luggage?” It was a good question, but one you didn’t have the answer to.

“Because…”

“I called to talk to the kids the other day, and you and Suede were napping,” he was tired, and looked so snuggly. It wasn’t your fault.

“So?” What is she going on about?

“You are looking fuller.”

“I am stressed!” Does she understand the stress you’ve been under? You just moved into your new home, and there’s boxes everywhere. You’re staying at home with Suede because you have a heavy fear that he will eat something he shouldn’t. Scott hasn’t even called his children. You’re going through a divorce. You eventually will plan an elopement of sorts. You are fucking stressed.

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I mean it as — I saw you pregnant with Audrey. And your boobs are sensitive.”

“You slapped my tit,” okay, Andy made the same complaint. What the hell?

“I’ll ask Andy how sensitive they are.”

“Oh my god! Do not talk to Andy about my titties. You know. I told you, I can’t have more children.”

“You know,” she smirks as you walk away from her. You have to pee. “I always thought the problem was more the limp dick you were married to,” you giggle as you sit on the toilet. Leave it to your mom who had no filter to say anything like that. “I mean, think about it, maybe your stress with being his wife caused more of your issues, and he was the main problem.”

“He gave me two kids.”

“Yeah, and you did nothing,” your eyes go blank as you stare at the sink. Finished, but not getting up. It had been too long since you had a period. You have had sex with Andy more than you ever did with Scott in a year.

“Would you wipe your puss and get out here, so I can talk to you,” you didn’t really want to. You’re having a bit of a moment, and not really a crisis, but an emergency in your brain. What did this mean? She screams your name with her mouth pressed against the door, and you wipe. Pulling your leggings up, and wash your hands.

When you open the door, your mom is just smiling at you. “Andy suspects it, doesn’t he?” He’d ask you to take a test every time you had sex if you were being honest.

“He asked me to take a test.”

“Then take one,” that sounds too easy. Too simple. And you’ve already accepted you can’t have children anymore.

“But what if…”

“It’s negative? Who cares? You’re with the man I always knew was perfect for you. You’re with the man that will give you his life, and my grandbabies. If it’s negative, you keep bumping uglies until it happens, and if it doesn’t happen, there’s other options. What are you truly scared of? Scoot to find out that Andy can knock you up, while he couldn’t.”

“Two kids. Two beautiful perfect kids. Even Suede,” your mama pulls you in for a hug. Her hands move up and down your back, while she holds you like you were still a child.

“No matter what the asshole said about Suede, that little boy is beautiful and perfect. And he doesn’t deserve to see that little boy. Never did. But aren’t you glad that life led you back to Andy, so NaNa can become daddy?” Yes. You’re very grateful that Audrey and Suede had Andy. “How about you go outside with everyone, and I’m going to get a pregnancy test, and some alcohol that you can’t have. But I do want to see how Andy reacts to you trying to drink a beer.”

“You’re so mean.”

“And you’re so pregnant. Go spend some time with your daughter. I’m sure Uncle Ryan, dad, and Andy can keep Suede occupied. Maybe you and her can go get a mani/pedi? I hear that Julie has a couple openings in about thirty minutes,” you grin, pulling her in for another hug. “I know things have been tough with Suede, but make sure my girl gets some special treatment and one on one time with mommy, too, okay?”

Nodding your head, you pull away from her, and wipe your eyes. You really want to have special time with Audrey. As mature and patient as she is, she deserves it. “Thanks, mother.”

“I really hate it when you call me that. It always sounds so derogatory. By the way, we’ve got everything Suede proof as far as food goes. But don’t hesitate to look over everything just in case,” even your parents could do this. Make sacrifices for you so, when their father couldn’t, “I don’t know how desserts will work.”

“I’m going to make him something. Audrey loves it, too. They won’t even notice the pumpkin pie,” your mother looks at you over smiling, and shaking her head. “What?”

“I don’t know how you do it.”

“If it means keeping my boy safe, I just do it. Andy is aware of his allergies. He also can read labels. And there’s still plenty of snacks in their backpacks. Suede can get a bit snacky if you don’t watch him,” but what toddler didn’t?

“Sweetheart, go get Audrey and go see Julie. Make sure she gets glitter on her tiny little fingernails. Does she ever grow?”

“She will. She’s just petite. Leave her alone,” she was so cute being tiny. Suede has nearly caught up with her height wise. You hate to think you have a five year old. You’d love to keep her tiny and innocent. So the fact that she is so tiny, you like it. Makes her seem younger. “When will Morgan be here?”

Your mom cringes as she turns away from you, “What now?” You ask, already annoyed at the baby girl. Neither of your parents want to admit how spoiled she is.

“She’ll be here the night before Thanksgiving. Ryan’s ex is bringing Cooper and Conner on Thanksgiving, so you may have to give up a room,” you didn’t care. The plan is to have the kids in Ryan’s old room with the bunks, but you didn’t care if they just wanted to snuggle up with you and Andy. Sometimes you liked it when they just wanted to be with you. “Morgan…”

“Has a problem with me getting a divorce, but not Ryan. Got it. I’m taking Audrey to get our nails done,” you and Morgan are just too different. Enough of an age gap that you just seem like you are from two different worlds. She is babied. By everyone. She really didn’t like you moving to Massachusetts. Had a few choice words to you when you left Scott. She always got along better with him anyways.

If he was any type of man, he would call your kids. You wouldn’t deny him talking, or FaceTiming them. You just didn’t want him to be alone with them. You hope he gets sunburned in Cancun. And even that didn’t cover all the ways you want Scott to suffer, but most of all, you just want him out of your life. More importantly, you’re children.

——

“Uck Yan,” your brother slowly looks towards you, narrowing his eyes at the name Suede had bestowed on him. “Me tong. Me hut. Me otay!” He uses big hands and gestures to talk about what had happened, and you cuddle in closer to Andy. Your hand rubs over his chest, while his is just slightly below your ass, caressing you gently. You’re essentially in his lap anyways. The kids are cozy with Ryan. Your parents have already ventured to bed.

“I think that my sister has some brave kids on her hand, you, too, Audi,” she doesn’t smile, but shifts uncomfortably.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Suede shh,” she gets out of Ryan’s lap, and you nearly think she’ll come to you Andy, but instead she goes to the beanbags on the floor, and of course Suede follows. Sitting closer to the tv.

“Andy, I didn’t know if I would ever see you again. You’re still as gross as I remember. Except now you don’t scramble away from each other when someone comes into a room,” you roll your eyes, but cuddle even closer to Andy. He’s always so warm. “Has he attempted to call?” Ryan looks at your leg where Andy’s grip gets even tighter, and nods understanding. “Maybe he’s scared?”

“I don’t care if he is. It’s nothing compared to how your sister and his daughter felt,” his grip softens. You keep your eye on the kids, but they have no inclination on what you’re discussing now. You have your feelings towards Scott, but you weren’t going to push them on your babies. They’ll come to the conclusion all on their own.

“I know. I just…”

“You sound like Morgan,” you stop him. Morgan always defends Scott against you. Scott is always a saint. He is perfect and can do no wrong. But where was he when Suede passed out from lack of oxygen? Where was he when his song was turning blue?

“No,” Ryan answers softly. He scoots to the edge of the sofa, and stretches. “I just don’t always see things as black and white. And I like giving people the benefit of the doubt.”

“We did,” Ryan nods to Andy. He can tell in the tone of Andy’s voice that this isn’t something he could explain away. There is no discussion. You tried with Scott, long past when you should. Your children’s health is not something you’re going to be lenient with anymore. You came too close to losing Suede.

Scott probably does feel a tinge of guilt. And maybe he is scared because he was the parent in charge. He should be scared. Him and Taylor moved into that ugly house the same day you took the final box out of there. Suede was already running to the car, while Audrey hugged your neck as the two of you stared into the front door.

If you had it your way, the kids would never be back at this house. It didn’t feel like home. It never did. You left most of the furniture, dishes, whatever you felt Scott paid for with his money. You weren’t going to give him the satisfaction of holding that over your head. It just feels like a time capsule of some of the worst days of your life. But some of the best when you remember Andy building a fort with them for the first time, and it’s still a favorite pastime of theirs, now they have a bigger living room to build in. New and better memories will be created at the new home.

The kids don’t have to be afraid to bring their toys in there to play. Audrey didn’t do her ‘courtroom homework’. Suede could have his hands on everything in the house. He could make a mess, and you would assist him to clean it up. The difference in the behavior is shocking. The new house — home, your home. Your home brings so much rebirth. You all needed it.

Speaking of rebirth. “Guys, I think it’s time to go to bed. Are you sleeping in uncle Ryan’s room or…?”

“Uck Yan! Me seep Uck Yan!”

“Mommy, I don’t want to sleep on the top bunk.”

“It’s okay. You can sleep on the bottom with Suede. It’s big enough. Alright, stairs, and we’ll do our tucking in, and book for the night,” they both jolt up in a fit of giggles, and head towards the stairs a bit too speedy, but they quickly slow down when Andy clears his throat. You need to learn that trick. The ability to barely do anything, and they just listen is amazing.

“Don’t forget your teeth, and me and mommy will be up in just a minute,” swoon. You find yourself growing more and more in love with him. You keep waiting on the other shoe to drop, and he surprises you with an ugly side of him. You know how protective he is, to a fault really. You know he can be quick to anger in order to protect you. But you’ve never seen his negatives affect you.

He pulls you in for a bruising kiss. Something you’ve been missing all day. He’s trying to respect your parents’ house when they’re well aware that you and Andy have sex. That’s the only details that they need to know. You pull away, smiling at him. “I’ve got a present for you.”

“Do you?” His hands roam down your back before grabbing both ass cheeks, one in each hand. “I’ve got a surprise for you, too,” you doubt his present is quite like yours. Regardless of what the answer on the test is, you know Andy will be happy you are taking one. “Alright, let's get the munchkins tucked in, so we can pretend we’re teenagers, and I just snuck up to your widow,” he wiggles his eyebrows at you. Dipping his hands between your thighs.

“You dirty old man.”

“As long as I’m your dirty old man, I really don’t care,” with a chuckle, and excitement for what’s to come, you head up the stairs to get your littlest loves tucked in. Ready to have a full week off with your favorite people in the world. Even if you weren’t sure about spending time with your sister.

You stand with your hands behind your back as Andy emerges from the Jack and Jill bathroom connected to Morgan’s old room. He smirks, trying to lean around your body to see what you have, “You go first,” he tells you, stepping right in front of you, he places his hands on your hips, and starts swaying the two of you to music that isn’t even there.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go first?” You are losing your confidence, and it’s just a pee stick. You’ve used one with Andy before. This is nothing new. You have children. The unknown is terrifying you, “You go first.”

“You are ready with yours behind your back. Mine is in the suitcase. Go on. I feel you might not like mine,” well that’s concerning. Now your interest is piqued. Is it a sex toy? A gag? Is he trying to be gross in your childhood room? It wouldn’t be the first time. A lot of firsts happened on that bed. “Doe?”

You exhale quickly before pulling the test in front of your body. Andy only stares at the box with so many emotions running through his mind. Your mom didn’t cheap out, she got the one that said pregnant or not pregnant. But your fiance is saying nothing. “I’m not saying I am. I’m just saying I think it’s time because…”

“Because you haven’t had a period in two months. Because you’re horny, and your tits are super sensitive. Because you’re super sleepy. Because your pants are getting tighter,” two months? Really.

“You know my cycle?”

“You don’t want to have sex because you’re cramping the first couple days, and you don’t even want to snuggle. And then on day three you are crawling in my lap so whiny. Yeah, I kinda figured out your cycle. Not to mention, you just smell different,” you pout up at him. He is so fucking sweet. Adorably sweet. “It’s why I didn’t want you carrying heavy things. And you’re bound and determined to ignore my need for you to take a test.”

You wiggle the test at him, and he playfully rolls his eyes. “Well, go pee on the stick, and there’s no need for me to give you my surprise because it’s the exact same thing. I was going to make you test even if it meant holding you down,” he’s so dramatic. Too dramatic honestly.

You push his hands off your hips, and walk into the bathroom, attempting to close the door when he clears his throat, “Why?” Whining just because.

“Because it brings back old memories. Pee with the door open. It’s not like I haven’t seen you in this position before. And many other positions if I’m recalling correctly,” dirty old man is right. But you’d choose him again and again.

“Fine,” you groan as you check to make sure the bathroom door on the other side is locked for some reason. Walking into the toilet alcove, and you pray. You beg. You hope and wish that it says pregnant. Not just for Andy, but for you. Audrey. Suede. The want and need to fill up your home. To make Andy a biological father, he’s already a daddy. The reality that you can have kids, and that Scott was the main problem.

With a deep breath, you lay the test on the counter, and start washing your hands as Andy steps behind you. Staring at the test, while you giggle, “Babe, it takes time. It’s not instantaneous,” not that it would take long. But his excitement is cute.

“Doe,” there’s something in the sound of his voice that makes you glance down at the test, and you gasp. Frozen as you stare at the test. You really didn’t think it would say that, “Honey, why would it be that instant?”

“Umm…well, I’m,” you can’t even think properly. This whole time you made yourself believe you were the problem. It wasn’t just you. You see as plain as the ‘PREGNANT’ on the test. It’s hard to fully believe the words, but there it is. Plain as day. “Andy?”

“Oh, honey,” he pulls you into his body, while you sob the happiest of tears. It’s just overwhelming. How many years were you told your body was the problem? And if it wasn’t the problem, would you have had a third child with Scott? You haven’t been careful with Andy since day one. But you haven’t been as stressed. You’ve been happier. “Baby, I know. I know,” he coos into your ear. “There was never anything wrong with you.”

You made yourself believe this couldn’t happen again. The girl that carried around a baby doll when she was little, and she went everywhere with you because it was your daughter. All you wanted growing up was to become a mother, and you thought that it was stripped away from you. That the man you wanted to procreate with you could never give that to him. There was always a part of you that almost believed eventually Andy would leave you for someone who could give him that.

“We’re having a baby, Doe,” his hand inches down your body before cupping your stomach. “Our baby is in there. And Audi and Suede are going to be big sister and brother. Doe, this is our baby in here,” you can’t even fully process this. A fear that you go to the doctor, and it was a false positive creeps into your mind, while Andy kisses all over your head. Pulling you back to view your red and swollen eyes before he crashes his mouth into yours.

He lifts you up from your ass, and you wrap your legs around him. Returning his desperate kisses with your own hunger as he carries you to the bed. You have Andrew Stephen Barber’s baby inside of you. You wanted to destroy the hope that was lingering in your mind for the past month because you didn’t think this was possible for you. Denying all the signs of a pregnancy because you were sure you couldn't give him a baby.

But you fucking can. You are. He drops you to the bed, and starts to paw at your underwear. He throws them somewhere behind you, and you look towards the door, making sure it is locked before he yanks his shirt off, and you stare up at his beautiful chest. You were never a titty girl, but Andy made you that way. With still his pajama bottoms on, he rolls his hips in between your thighs, and your back arches up.

Andy fucked a baby in you. There’s too much clothes that separate you, and you're pulling and tugging on his pants and underwear. Getting them down just enough to expose his hardening cock, and you grip it tightly at the base. Stroking him gently. Feeling him turn to steel in your hand before guiding him to your entrance. You run his tip through your slick, letting him know your body is ready. In one single thrust, he pushes into your warmth, lighting your body on fire.

He lays a hand over your mouth, “Shh, baby,” he draws himself out of you so slowly, but charges back in. “Doe, you’re so fucking loud,” loud? You growl at him. He feels amazing. “Your parents’ bedroom is downstairs. Maybe I should go softer since I’ve already fucked a baby…” Andy swallows deeply. His eyes become glossy, and you shove his hand off him.

“Andy. Andy, talk to me.”

“I don’t want you to think I don’t love Audrey and Suede. I will adopt them tomorrow. I will always take care of them, and you, but — I’ve always wanted to experience pregnancy with you. And you’re giving me that.”

Pulling his face down to yours you kiss away all the stray tears before returning to his mouth, “You’re giving me that, too,” you trace your tongue over his lips achingly slowly. Ignoring when he parts his mouth. “You’ve always given me so much. And I’ll always give you just as much. And I can’t wait to be Mrs. Andy Barber.”

He moans as you drag your tongue over his teeth. He meets you with his wet muscle, and you whimper at the taste of his freshly brushed teeth. Massaging his tongue with your own as he ruts into you. He’s not as deep as he normally is, but he still commands your body. This isn’t fucking. It isn’t raw. It is pure. Purely making love, and showing your love through your bodies.

There isn’t even a ton of friction. Just the two of you soaking up each other’s love and emotions. All these years of wanting, waiting, wishing is now in your grasp. The plan that you and Andy created all those years ago is now right here with you. He even told you it isn’t going to change the way he feels about Audrey and Suede, and one day they will be his legally. You have no doubt about that. Not now with your coward sperm donor unable to call them. Facing the consequences of what he did. What he allowed to happen.

You don’t give that bastard anymore thoughts as Andy rolls himself all the way in, “I won’t hurt the baby, will I?” Giggling you shake your head no, realizing now why he’d held off fully settling himself in your warmth. “You promise me?”

“I promise you,” things change to a frenzy as Andy stabs into you. Quick, hard, and all the way in. Crashing his mouth into yours so your noises won’t echo throughout the house. You did it. You both did it. You have accomplished everything that you ever wanted with Andy. Now the rest is just going to be beautiful fulfillment.

From the strange and quiet little boy, to the cocky teenager that you saw right past his fake bravado, now to the confident, protective, fierce, and super sexy man that you have fallen completely into the depths of his soul. Everything about Andy you love. Everything about the two of you, you love.

You squeak as your body tightens up, and Andy swallows all of your strangled sighs and whimpers. Tasting your pleasure on his tongue like it’s a rare delicacy. Wrapping your legs around him, you wait. Wait for his cock to go rigid, and his balls tighten up. Wait for his sticky release to fill up your belly, and your slicked up walls pulse around him. Milking every drop of his seed, and you squeeze your legs around him. Holding him in place because this is right where he belongs.

“Doe,” he pants out. WIth his forehead pressed against yours, you take a ragged breath. Spent from the day of traveling, to these overwhelming feelings. The only thing that could make this better is if he were already your husband. “Babe, what are you doing?”

His need to use pet names always makes you feel so warm and fuzzy. Home. “I’m keeping you where I want you.”

“In your cunt?”

“Is that so wrong?” He chuckles, shaking his head no, and lays the two of you to the side, so he can pet around your face. “We’ve got a baby growing in there.”

“I know. I know! I’m going to take so much care of you. I don’t want you to worry about anything. Suede’s health is a priority. Stay at home. Spend the extra time with Suede, and rest easy knowing he won’t have an allergic reaction. Hell, home school Audrey if you want to. This is what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?” Pressing a chaste kiss against his lips you nod.

“I’ll take care of us. I need all our babies safe,” Andy knows there’s some legal issues that will have to be dealt with. But he’ll worry about them later. At this moment, you’re his wife. Audrey and Suede are his children. And you just told him you’re pregnant with baby number three. “I love you.”

“I love you, Andy,” you sigh, starting to fall asleep.

“Rest. I’ll unlock the doors in a little bit,” exhaling deeply, your eyes flutter close, and you nod. He would take care of everything. He is your husband. All three kids are Andy’s. That’s the dream. The fantasy that will be a reality.

Suede sits in Andy’s lap, picking food off his plate to shove in his mouth, and Audrey leans against your body in between the two of you. You figured today would be a bit harder for her. Faces she hadn’t seen in forever, and already she asked if her daddy would FaceTime her.

Morgan keeps looking towards you or Andy, you’re unsure why. But everyone chatters, and eats the thanksgiving dinner. “Where’s the deviled eggs?” she asks, looking at your mom for approval.

“Honey, your nephew is highly allergic, and he’s had enough attacks lately,” that should be the end of the conversation, but of course the baby of the family would sigh. Ryan looks towards you rolling his eyes as he stuffs a bite of turkey in his mouth.

Everyone, including Cooper and Conner, Ryan’s teenage boys, haven’t said a word about the slightly altered meal. You didn’t even insist on it. Said that you or Andy could have Suede with you at all times, and would make sure he didn’t eat anything he shouldn’t. You helped your mom alter some of the foods so they’d be safe for him, but you never expected so many accommodations. You paid for and made each of the desserts and snacks that were safe for him. As a good parent should do.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you back here, Andy,” your mom visibly moves uncomfortably in her chair, looking towards Morgan. She is always the one that starts something. So you don’t believe her intentions are pure.

“I did. I always knew I’d be back,” he responds, and your father raises a glass in the air. “What country are you guys going to travel to next?” He attempts to change the subject, but Morgan cocks her brow.

“Ireland,” your father’s voice is so quick. Short, and almost a warning to his youngest child. Morgan is a spoiled brat that your parents coddled for far too long. And now that she’s an adult, they don’t know how to control her.

“I just thought when my sister made her vows to Scott they’d be married forever,” you bite your tongue. Giving a smile to Audrey who looks up at you. She thought today would be a safe day with talking about her dad with people she didn’t know that well.

“You know my daddy?”

“Of course, I know him,” the tone in her voice sickens you to your core. Audrey didn’t need this.

“Can you tell him to call me?” Your father clears his throat. You hope Morgan chokes on her drink of wine as she takes another sip. “He he he he he he he hasn’t called since since my bubba…”

“NaNa my daddy. Chess,” Suede interrupts. His clean hand rubs on Andy’s beard, and you see Andy go stiff. Ready to say something, but knowing this was yours to handle.

“No, the hell he’s not. That is Scott Huffman’s son,” with a quick kiss to Audrey’s head, you lean her towards Andy, and scoot your chair back, standing up at the table.

“Outside,” Morgan glares at you. Practically snarling when you say it again. “Outside, Morgan. If you want to speak to me like an adult that is fine, but you will not talk to my children like this. Let’s go,” Morgan’s chair scoots back, and you hear Ryan hoop before getting a smack to the back of his head from your mom.

You march to the backyard. While everything is more worn and old from the weather and years, not much back here has changed. You’re annoyed that this adult woman is involving your children in whatever her deal is. She can take whatever she has out on you, but not them. They’ve been through enough.

“What’s your problem?” Morgan shrugs, sitting on the porch swing, but you stay standing. Pacing around while you try and calm down. “We’ve had the most pleasant week.”

“You mean before I got here?”

“Yes! You have this undying need to hate me. And that’s fine, Morgan. I really don’t care. But when you involve my children who are going through enough right now, that’s where I draw a really big line.”

Your sister gives you an evil smirk before crossing her arms over her chest, “And whose fault is that?”

“Well, I don’t know what you mean. Do you mean the fact that Scott was a cheating piece of shit? Do you mean how he neglected my son, and he almost died? Do you mean how he is a pussy bitch and won’t call his kids?”

“Because he knows it’ll be an argument,” you shake your head no, starting to go back into the house. “No, it will be. He’ll call to talk to the kids, but you made it very clear you don’t want Suede around him. He can’t even get Audrey now. And you know she’s his pride and joy,” only for what she can do to make him look good. He didn’t love her like Andy did.

You aren’t sure where she’s getting her information, but that’s not entirely true. Scott could see his children, but he chooses not to, “I issued him with supervised visits only.”

“How is that fair?”

“How is it fair that my two year old son had fractures to his rib cage because I had to give him CPR? He’s two, Morgan. Do you remember that? Two years old. The unfairness is to my kids. I chose supervised visits, so I know that my son’s life won’t be in jeopardy. I don’t understand how you can’t comprehend that. You act like I am this evil witch, while Scott is so innocent.”

“You filed for divorce,” you squeeze the bridge of your nose. For someone in their late twenties, she’s acting like a child. “You had him, and you filed for divorce.”

“And what would you have done if you walked in on your husband being fucked by the babysitter? One that he’s still currently with.”

“You weren’t having sex with him. Everyone knows that if you don’t give it up, they’ll find it somewhere else,” you stare at her dumbfounded. There is no reason to even bring up your postpartum depression, or the fact that your son had multiple health problems. The fact that you and Scott had grown distant. Honestly, you should have filed for divorce before you caught him cheating.

“You’re an idiot. Just don’t say anything to my children. And don’t bring up Scott.”

“Why?” She’s utterly ridiculous. “Because it’ll upset little Andy? You had it all. The perfect husband, home, kids, and life, and you don’t even realize it. You didn’t love him the way he deserved.”

“Don’t bring up Scott because it upsets my daughter! And I never had any of that with him. I have that now,” Morgan rolls her eyes, and stands up abruptly. Squaring up with you. You know exactly where Audrey gets her size from. Your sister is tiny. “If you think he’s so grand,” no you won’t say it. Whatever this is between you and Morgan, she still deserves better than Scott is offering. And how awkward would family dinners be then?

“I tried,” you step away from her. “I had him,” no she didn’t. She was about to start college when you and Scott started to date. “But he had found someone that he loved so much, and he couldn’t wait for me to graduate anymore. He needed a respectable wife if he wanted in a decent firm.”

“What are you saying?” Lies. A bunch of fucking lies.

“I had Scott first. We met when he did a lecture at college. I am the one that went to law school. The one that deserves him,” oh god, you’re going to be sick. Scott was perving on college girls while you were dating. Not just any college girls, but your sister. You can’t process this. “You took him from me, just like everything else. And now you’re with someone you loved more anyways. Couldn’t wait on Andy? Is he with you for pity now?”

“Do not speak to my children the way that you did ever again. Audrey has cried for her dad. I text him, and he doesn’t respond. I call and leave voicemails, and he doesn’t respond. I have tried and tried to be the bigger person for them, but I can’t force Scott to be a decent father. Whatever happened between you and him is in the past. I don’t care. I’m the one that has children with him, so I will always have to deal with him in some way.”

“Why doesn’t Andy just adopt them?”

“You’re the lawyer, Morgan. You tell me how easy it is for people to adopt children. That’s the plan, eventually. You know. I don’t need this stress right now,” Morgan perks up a moment. Her eyes flash to your stomach that you have kept a hand on the whole conversation. “I want a divorce. I want to marry Andy. I want my kids to be happy. I don’t care about Scott. Maybe you should ask him how he’s enjoying Cancun with his girlfriend. I’m done with him. I’m done with you. I’m done with this conversation.”

You don’t care what she has to say anymore. You can’t care. You have never been happier than this week. It wasn’t about being back home. No, home is wherever your family is. Andy and the kids are your family. Learning you were growing your family by another tiny little baby made everything better. And after the doctor’s appointment, you’d tell the kids.

Morgan wasn’t going to ruin anything. Whatever. You didn’t like it, but what were you to do? If she is still hung up on that man all these years later, what could you do? How is it your problem when you didn’t know about it? And you started talking to Scott before she was even in college, so her math is incorrect. No, you didn’t introduce him to your family, but your family is sacred. He never deserved to meet them.

“Mommy,” Audrey waits for you at the edge of the table. Your dad’s hand family falls off her belly, and she rushes towards you. You pull her up, and settle her on your hip, “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, princess, everything is okay, and everything will be okay.”

“After dinner can we try daddy again?” Fuck Scott for being a coward, and leaving you to pick up everything. Fuck Morgan for brining Scott up again. More than likely he won’t answer the call. Selfish man can’t even tell his kids happy thanksgiving.

“We can,” you kiss her temple. Side eyeing Morgan as she walks back into the house.

“If he doesn’t answer, it’s okay,” you hope Morgan hears how a five year old is more mature than she is. That she understands that your child misses her father, even if he can callously ignore her. He can forget everything that happened at her birthday party, but she still has nightmares. You hope Morgan sees how Audrey’s always checking to see if Suede is breathing okay, and apologizing for not noticing him that day.

Scott and Taylor ruined her birthday because of their negligence. She will never be the same. That is a moment that will haunt everyone, including her. You just hate that you couldn’t split yourself in two and comfort her as well.

“Can we FaceTime Uncle Ann?” You sit beside your Andy, Suede already leaning back in his lap, patting his extended belly with a food covered smile. You keep Audrey in your lap, so you can share pie, and Andy places an arm around your back. He pulls you in for a quick kiss to your temple. You keep your chin up. She won’t ruin your day.

Morgan is jealous of a life you didn’t have with Scott. She can have it. Instead you’re going to wrap yourself in warmth and love with your family. A family of five. And when you return home, you’re going to give your family the best Christmas ever. Decorated beautifully, and giving your future husband what he’s always wanted. Traditions.

Next

Masterlist

@tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @seitmai

@smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989

@pandaxnienke @kmm-fluv @rogersbarber @theinheriteddutchess @buckybarnesisdaddy

@hisredheadedgoddess28 @capswife

[wiypt-writes]

Consciousness Of Guilt

Chapter 25

Summary: You and Andy find out the sex of your new baby, and that leads Andy to an important decision.

Warnings: Language, adult themes, and an Andy who needs a hug…

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar the reader and any other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer. I do not consent to my work being translated or posted elsewhere. If you see this fiction on any site other than Tumblr it has been taken without permission.

W/C: 6.6k

A/N: So, here we are. The penultimate chapter. Hard to believe we’re almost there. As always, massive Thanks to my beta @spectre-writes

Consciousness Of Guilt Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 24

6.6k

Andy was nervous. Why he didn't know. Not entirely. It wasn't his first, maybe not his last. But sitting with you in the ultrasound room this time around had his knee bouncing and his stomach in knots. He hadn't even felt this way with Lucy's gender scan. This was...just different. You looked over at him and sighed. "Andy, relax." Your eyes were incredibly soft as you looked him over. He looked tired, you knew he was. He hadn't been sleeping much lately. He had to prepare for this seminar and a trial all at once. And when the work took over, keeping sleep at bay or to a minimum, the dreams started. It kept you up too and then he'd force himself to bed just so you'd sleep. Before your mind could think more and Andy could reply, the technician came in with a bright smile. “Me and Mrs Barber?” She pulled up the ultrasound machine as she walked round to the side of the trolley you were sat on. "Yep," Andy rubbed his hands on his thighs and stood to join you as you situated yourself on the table. She smiled as you lifted up your top, and then looked at you both. “So, you wanna know what you’re having, huh?” "Yes!" You grinned. "We did with our first." “Are they going to be a big brother or sister?” “Sister.” You smiled, “she’s so excited.” “I have three myself, a girl and twin boys," the technician grinned. "Lay back for me, this will be just a little cold." She squirted the gel on your lower abdomen after you'd undone your pants. "Are we taking bets, guesses, desires?" You glanced at Andy, swallowed a little, and you reached for his hand. “You have a feeling don’t you?” He nodded, "boy." He smiled at you as you squeezed his fingers. “Well, let’s see if dads right.” It took a couple of minutes, finding the baby and taking images for the more necessary parts of the scan. "Things look good," the technician smiled. "I can't say for sure since I'm not an MD but pieces and parts look good. Are we ready for the sex?" You looked at your husband. “Andy?” Andy nodded and squeezed your hand. "Are you a betting man, Mr Barber?" The tech looked at you both with a straight face. “I’ve had the occasional flutter, but it’s been a while.” He gave a little chuckle. “Well, take your odds to Vegas," the tech smiled and turned her screen. "It's a boy." Your eyes pricked with tears as you felt Andy’s hand tight around yours. "I'll get these printed for you and leave them with your chart when you go," she smiled warmly. "Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Barber." “Thank you,” you smiled, your eyes watching her go. When the door clicked shut, you looked over at Andy with tears in your eyes, "Andy...." “A boy…” he whispered. "Yeah," you said softly. "A boy." Your stomach was in knots as you tried to read your husband. For the first time since your very beginning, you couldn't. His eyes were shifting around the room, quickly. Looking at everything, yet focussing on nothing. "Okay," you took a shuddering breath and sat up, letting go of his hand. You swallowed the lump in your throat and slid off the table. You did up your pants, the with a turn on your foot, you stood between Andy's legs. "I can't imagine what's in your head right now," you knew exactly how his mind was whirring. "I won't pretend I do. But I am so happy, and I know you are too, BB. Just process it, okay, we'll talk about it all later." You kissed his lips tenderly as you cupped his face. "When you're ready." “Angel…” he reached up for your hand. "Yeah?" You whispered. His other hand curled round the back of your thigh as he sat up, his nose softly brushing the t-shirt which was stretched a little over your bump. “Hi, son…” he whispered, his voice cracking. Your bottom lip quivered and you sniffed. Your hand moved to the top of your little bump and you sputtered. His forehead pressed gently to your belly before those azure eyes looked up at you, misty with tears. “I love you so much.” "I love you, too, Andy," you cupped his cheek, your thumb running over his cheekbone. "We both do, we all do." Andy licked his lips, before he moved a little and you stepped back to allow him to stand up. He wiped his eyes, took a deep breath and then turned to you. “Wow…” You tearfully grinned, "I know." He moved and wrapped his arms around you, holding you close. “Suppose we best go tell Looby.” Andy snorted as the pair of you moved towards the door. Once you’d collected what you needed to, you made your way out towards Andy’s Audi, hand in hand. “So…how do you think we should do it?” You asked. “Tell Lucy, I mean.” "Suppose we just tell her?" Andy shrugged, still sniffing a little. "I'm not sure. How'd you find out about your sister?" “Mom and dad didn’t find out.” You shook your head. "Oh," he nodded and opened the door for you. "Well, then I guess we just tell her," he chuckled a little. "But we have the drive back to Ron's to figure it out." “Oh…erm can you stop by the bakery?” "Sure," he closed your door and walked around the back of the car to his side. Once in and settled, he started the car and backed out of the space. Turning left rather than right, toward Ron's, he took you to the little bakery you liked so much just down the road from the diner. As you pulled up outside, Andy stopped the car and then turned to you. “What is it?” You asked softly. “I wanna tell Lucy about both her brothers.” Your head slowly turned to look at him. "Okay..." “I mean…I know she’s probably too young to understand about Jacob, but if I tell her and keep telling her as she grows up…then she’s gotta understand as she gets older, right?” You kicked your lips. You weren't entirely surprised by his decision. You knew the day would come when Andy would want to tell Lucy about her big brother. He was after all, in the grand scheme of it, the reason she was born. But could a three year old possibly understand? That said, Lucy was very much like her father, brilliant in thought and smooth in word. Maybe you were doing her a disservice in doubting her. But more so, you knew this was less about her understanding than it was about Andy needing to tell her. You exhaled, “Andy," you paused, waiting for his eyes to flick to you. "I think you’re right. I think you should.” “Maybe…I…” he swallowed, “I just don’t think I know how.” You took a second to think, "that's okay too, BB. You'll know when you figure it out. If you want me there, I can be. I will be. But it's also okay for you to go at it alone with her." His hand reached for yours and he lifted it, softly kissing the soft skin of your wrist. “Thank you.” "I love you," you said softly, "and I know our son is..." your voice waivered, "our son is just as important as Jacob was. He won't replace his big brother. Just like Lucy never could. I can't possibly imagine how you're feeling, and part of me doesn't want to." You sniffed as the emotions started to take hold. "This is a big deal," you squeezed his hand, "and I'm always here, just like I've always been, always will be." Andy sniffed a little, before he glanced at you again. “I can’t tell you how happy I am. Another baby, a boy…” You lifted his hand to your lips, "I know...."

*********

Lucy sat in the living room in front of the film collection that sat below the television. You had gone to take a well-deserved nap so Andy popped popcorn for he and his little bunny to pass the time. He wanted to spend as much time with her as he could before the new baby arrived. For once she became a big sister, the Barber family would be forever changed. A familiar shape caught Lucy's eye and she pulled the case out. Her eyes grew wide as she stood and practically ran it over to Andy as he sat on the couch waiting for her choice.

"Daddy Wex we wash dis one!" She flopped on the couch next to him.

Andy looked over at her to take the case from her hand just as a feather escaped the couch cushion and floated between them.

The simple action made Lucy giggle as she tried to catch it.

Andy was caught off guard by the floating object, his focus quickly shifting away from Lucy. He felt his chest tighten and then he heard her giggle, her voice.

A blurred image of a T-Rex skeleton filled his vision. "Whoa, back up a second," he croaked then cleared his throat. "I can't see with it so close, bunny."

“Iss a Dino!” She moved a little allowing Andy to take the case from her.

“This…” he glanced at the Jurassic Park Blu-ray and sighed, “Looby this is gonna be way too grown up and scary for you.“

"But issa t-wex. I nots get scared, Daddy. I pwomise!"

Andy looked at her, and then he noticed the feather had landed in her hair.

It didn’t escape him just how much she was like Jacob, how he would often cajole Andy into allowing him to stay up later than he should or eat things that perhaps weren’t the wisest of choices just before bed.

And now, that feather…it was almost like Jake was telling him, “don’t be such a square, Dad…”

He chuckled with a little splutter and sniffed. It was the first feather he'd seen in a while and of all days for it to appear, it was now. With Lucy, and on the day the two of you found out your new baby was a boy. Andy reached out and plucked the feather from her hair and swallowed back the lump in his throat. And he knew, the time was right.

“Okay, we can…but first, there’s something I wanna talk to you about.”

“I not does it, Gwant ates your belt."

Andy blinked, “no, I…wait, he ate my belt?”

"Ooops," Lucy grinned with a giggle as she covered her mouth.

“Why would you think I would think you…you know what, it doesn’t matter. That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Lucy climbed up into his lap and sat there with her legs slung over his thighs, her little legs bouncing. Eyes that looked like his own gazed up at him as if he were the best thing in the world.

“So…you know before, when you got your cupcake…and it had blue frosting…”

"Because I gets a brudder! I so essited!" Lucy beamed at him,

“Me too, baby.” Andy swallowed, “But I wanna tell you something. About a long time ago, before I met your mommy.”

“Like when there was dinos?”

“No, not quite!” Andy laughed, “I’m not that old!”

Looby giggled again and Andy took a deep breath. “But, back then, I had a different family.”

"You did?" Lucy frowned.

Andy nodded. “I had a different wife…and a boy…a son.”

"Oh...not Mommy, nots my baby?"

“No.” Andy shook his head. “He was older, a lot older than you.”

"Oh..." she was quiet for a minute. "Where deys goes?"

“They…they died. In an accident.”

"Oh...." Lucy frowned, "Yous sad?"

“I was, Bunny. For a long time. Sometimes I still am. But you and mommy…and now our new baby, you make it better.”

In a mature move, that surprised even Andy, Lucy threw herself into his chest. Her little body twisted to hug him close. "Nos be sad, Daddy." She whispered, "it's otay."

Andy choked a little, his arms cuddling his daughter close. “Oh, Lucy. I love you. So much.”

"Who's he? Your uvver boy?”

“His name...his name was Jake. Jacob.”

"Jay-cob," Lucy repeated. "Jacob wiked dime-osaurs."

Andy blinked, “he…he did. What….what makes you say that?”

"I wike dem, so Jay-cob wiked dem."

Andy looked down at his daughter. “He did, he liked them a lot.”

She grinned, "wike you and me."

“Just like me and you.” Andy smiled. “You know what else he liked?”

"Wut?"

“Ice cream.”

Lucy squealed, "I wuv ice cream!"

“I know,” Andy grinned.

"We has some? Wiff the movie?”

Andy chuckled, “okay, but we should probably ask Mommy. Or I'll be in big trouble!”

Lucy climbed down from where she sat and waited for Andy to get up. She took his big hand with her tiny one and pulled him toward the stairs.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"To ask Mommy about ice cweam!"

"Oh, hang on, Looby!" Andy chuckled and pulled her back to him. "Mommy is taking a nap, why don't we start with our popcorn and when she wakes up, we ask about the ice cream?"

Lucy looked like she was in deep thought. Her little eyebrows rose into her forehead. "Just a wittle bit? I won'ts tell if you won'ts!"

There it was again, that glimmer of Jacob inside his sister. Andy supposed it was what he gave his children, sneaky little traits. He snorted, “alright, let’s go see what we got.”

Andy had just about finished scooping Lucy's strawberry ice cream into her bowl when he heard your voice. "What are you doing?"

Andy and Lucy stopped dead as you walked into the kitchen.

“Uh oh, Looby…”

“Busted!” Lucy giggled.

"Ice cream before dinner?" Your hands went to your hips, slightly masked by your little bump.

“Iss for the moovie mommy!”

You couldn't help but playfully sneer at them but then turned that smirk into a grin, "Where's my bowl?!"

Andy's grin matched yours as he slid the bowl intended for his own ice cream in front of him and began adding scoops. "How much, Angel?"

“Plenty.” You grinned.

Andy chuckled and scooped up your bowl. Lucy sat on the counter bouncing her feet as she held her bowl in her lap.

“So, what movie are we watching?”

"Juwassic Pahk!" Lucy replied.

You blinked. “Really?”

"Yup!" Lucy took a bite of her ice cream.

"Andy, are you sure?" You were a little concerned.

"We'll give it a try," he smiled softly. "Trust me, Angel."

"Mommy! Guess what?" Lucy asked.

"What?" You replied.

"Daddy says I has a Jay-cob wike my baby. He wikes dinos and ice cream likes me!”

“Daddy told you about your big brother huh?” You smiled.

At that Lucy frowned. “He’s not my brudder.”

"Why do you say that?" You asked as Andy frowned.

"Because you not his mommy," she sighed.

Andy sighed, he'd hoped she had understood what he told her but maybe he’d been a little optimistic to expect her to fully understand how the dynamics would work. He looked at you, as you registered his reaction. “I didn’t even think to try and explain that…”

"Hey, it’s okay…” You smiled gently. “Lucy, you’re right. I'm not Jacob’s mommy…”

“Dems hows he my brudder?”

"Because just like your baby brother in here,” you rubbed your bump, “ you share Daddy with him. Jacob was your brother because you have the same Daddy.”

“Oh…buts not the same mommy?”

“No baby, Jacob’s mommy was a different lady, her name was Laurie. Daddy was married to her before he met me.”

“Otay.” Looby nodded. “I sees.”

“You do?” Andy felt his heart lighten at little at her words.

“Yups. Jay-cob was my brudder, because we has the same daddy.” She repeated with a final firm nod.

“That’s it.” Andy smiled softly, “you’re so clever, Bunny.”

“Buts he in heaven nows, mommy.”

You looked at Andy as she'd said it, and saw his eyes misting as you answered for him. “Yeah, Looby, he is."

Lucy then sighed, “so I cants see him.”

“You know…” Andy quickly wiped his eyes, “I can show him to you. If you like?”

"Otay," she smiled. She handed you her bowl of ice cream, "Don't eats it, Mommy!"

“Okay, I won’t.” You chuckled.

With a soft smile, Andy looked at you.

“You go, I'll meet you at the couch.”

He nodded and swooped Lucy up in his arms off the counter.

He carried her across to the study, and gently sat her on the oak desk. He reached for a photo which sat next to one of you both and Lucy, taken a few months back, and he gently held it out.

“This is Jacob. And me.” He smiled softly. “We were in our garden of my old home.”

"Hi Jay-cob," Lucy smiled, "I your sissy, Looby."

Andy smiled as he watched, the lump in his throat thick.

"We has Daddy."

At that Andy had to look away, his chest feeling tight.

"Yous ups in Heaven wiff Bongo. Das Nanny and Gwampa’s doggy. He dieded..."

At that Andy couldn’t help but splutter a chuckle at the memory of the raggedy dog he had first met all those years back. Sadly, old age and ill health had forced your parents to make the decision all pet owners dread, and they’d done the kindest thing for him last week.

“You know, I think I’m gonna miss Bongo…” Andy smiled softly.

"Wike you misses Jay-cob?"

“Kinda.” Andy nodded.

"I wike him," Lucy looked away from the photo and to Andy. "Das my brudder, Jay-cob."

Andy immediately felt the sting in his nose, and he sniffed. “I’m sure…” his voice cracked, “I’m sure he would have liked you too, Looby.”

Ever astute, Lucy looked up at Andy, "Daddy....why you crying?"

Andy hesitated and thought about brushing it off but instead he gently picked Lucy up.

“I sometimes do when I think of Jake, but you…you make it all better.”

"I does?"

“Absolutely. Now…you know what I need?”

"A big Looby-Sore-us hug?”

“A huge Looby-Saurus hug.” Andy nodded.

Her arms wrapped around his neck and squeezed.

Andy hugged her back, his face burying into her hair. “I love you so much, don’t ever forget that.”

"I lobes you too," her little forehead touched his. "Daddy?”

“Yes, baby?”

"Can we has our popcorn and ice cream now?"

Andy laughed, “sure. Come on.”

Her little arms wrapped around his neck and held on tight as he carried her across the hall.

“Well, there you are!” You smiled as they both walked into the living space.

"Any longer and you'd miss out on ice cream! It's melting!"

"We're sorry, Angel," Andy kissed Lucy's temple and set her down. He bent his neck and gave you a soft kiss, his hand settling over your small bump.

“It’s okay,” you smiled, “did you guys…”

"Yeah, I think so," he replied softly. His eyes still a little pink.

"Are you okay?" You gently rubbed his arm.

With a nod and sniffle, Andy sighed with a small shake in his chest. "It's just fine."

"I love you, Andy."

“I love you too, Angel, all of you.”

With your hand over his, you smiled ever so gently as you all settled down to watch the film.

Surprisingly to you, maybe not so much to Andy, Lucy was fine with most of the film but didn’t like the bit where the Raptors were chasing Tim and Lexi through the kitchen. She asked Andy to fast forward through that bit, so he did.

There were no nightmares, just an excited little girl babbling all about the best bits of the film to Andy the next morning as he got her ready for nursery, asking when she could watch it again.

The rest of your week passed quickly, as did the weekend, and soon Monday morning rolled around bringing with it four nights away for Andy at a conference in New York. He was reticent to leave you, but you waved his worry away. Your pregnancy hadn’t been any more difficult than with Lucy and you felt more than capable of coping without him. You kissed him goodbye as he left in the morning, watching his baby girl hug him tight before you both then set off for the office and nursery, Grant perched in the seat next to Lucy so he could take up residency in his corner of your office as usual.

That evening, on the way home you stopped by the pet store as you’d run out of dog treats for your office stash. You let Lucy hold Grants leash as you pushed the trolley around, popping in a few bags of natural treats and titbits.

Lucy then asked to go look at the tanks of fish at the back, and she watched with fascination at how the assistant was catching a few for a sale when she gave a gasp and tugged at your top.

“Mommy, please! We hasta get Daddy-Wex a fish!"

You paused, then frowned. “Looby, why do you say that?”

"I fink he's sad," she shrugs.

“You do?”

"Yeah," she kicked dust on the ground. "I fink he misses Jay-cob."

You took a deep breath. Andy had, indeed, been a lot more reflective than you’d seen him in a long time since the day of your sexing scan. And, whilst you knew he was happy about the news you were having a boy, you also knew he was still wrapping his head around it all. And that was okay, he’d get there in time.

What you hadn’t realised was that your beautiful and smart three year old had noticed the change in her daddy too. And moreover, you had absolutely no idea how the hell she’d joined the dots as to what the problem was. But she had.

“You know, you’re right, he does miss Jacob.” You looked down at her. “And I think that because the new baby is going to be a boy, it’s making daddy think about Jacob a lot. But he’s gonna be okay.”

"I don't wike it when Daddy is sad."

“I don’t either,” you sighed, cupping her face. “But I promise, you help him. He loves you, baby. And you make him smile.” You then looked at the tank of fancy goldfish and bit your lip. “Why do you think fish will make daddy feel better?”

"Because he wikes the fish at the aquaridum!"

You felt your heart swell, and the tears of emotion prick your eyes at just how observant and thoughtful your little girl was.

“You’re right…” you nodded, and then you decided; screw it. “You know, if we wanna get him some fish, we gotta get a tank and set it all up first…”

"Oh, can we!"

“Sure, why not.” You smiled. “We can set it up and then come back for the fish at the end of the week, before daddy comes home.”

"He's gonna be so happy, Mommy! So happy!"

You smiled, you had no idea whether Andy wanted fish or not, but you knew he’d love them simply because his little girl had picked them for him, for a very caring reason.

So, off you went, loading the trolley up with an adequately sized set up, including lights, filter, substrate, and a large ornament which was in the shape of a t-rex skeleton skull.

You knew that lifting the things inside the house wasn't going to be the best of ideas if Andy sussed it out, but you didn't need to enlist help either. So when you got home, with Lucy's help carrying the lighter things, you managed to get the tank and things inside and sat in Andy's office where Lucy wanted to set up the tank.

Lucy helped you arrange the ornaments and pop in the plants, then it was a case of filling it up. You had the bright idea of using the hosepipe and attaching it to the tap in the cloakroom across the hall, and it worked pretty well all things considered.

“Iss dirty!” Lucy peered at the water.

“No, it just needs to settle.” You assured her as you flicked the filter on and added the chemicals they had told you to at the shop. “Tomorrow morning it’ll be much better.”

"Can I watch it?" Lucy grinned, complete excitement dancing in her eyes.

“There’s not much to see,” you chuckled, “but I got a better idea.”

"What?"

“Why don’t you come and look on the iPad for the types of fish we should get daddy whilst I make dinner?”

"Oh, yay!" Lucy clapped, "I esscited!"

“I know, honey, I can tell. And Daddy’s gonna love his surprise.”

"I hope sos!" Lucy smiled up at you.

You smiled down and her and took her hand, leading her to the kitchen and grabbing your tablet along the way.

True to her word, Lucy picked out a few good fish to start Andy's collection. As you didn’t work Thursdays or Fridays, Lucy didn’t attend nursery, so Thursday afternoon you took her to a specialist aquatics shop this time and let her explain to the assistant what she wanted with the pictures she had printed off and watched, smiling as the young man led her round to the cold water tanks.

When you got home, the two of you started the process of integrating the fish in the tank. Lucy couldn’t wait to tell Andy all about them.

And she would get her chance in one more sleep. Andy was scheduled to touch back down in Denver just after eleven the next morning and would be home just after lunch.

“Deys look happy, mommy!” She giggled as the four fancy goldfish swam around the various plants. “Buts deys so smalls!”

“They’re babies, Bunny.” You smiled, “that’s why. But the man told you they’ll grow bigger and that’s the perfect amount for the tank size.”

"But no more than four," Lucy held up four fingers. "Or that's toooo mush!"

You chuckled at the way she said it, that was her and Andy’s thing. Andy had always asked her how much daddy loved Looby and that was the standard response. Tooo much.

“You’re right, it is too much.” You smiled, hand on your bump as your baby boy was wriggling. “Now, which ones your favourite?”

"Ummmmm," Lucy watched them swim for a moment. "That one! Right dere!" She pointed to a particularly deep gold rather than orange colored fish. "Das Goldie!"

“Goldie…” you chuckled, “you not going to let daddy name them?”

“He can name the uvvers.” Lucy beamed up at you, a smile much like her father's with eyes that were entirely his.

"Good Idea. Now, what do you think about laying down with me for a bit and then we can order pizza and snuggle all night. Tomorrow, just after lunch Daddy will be home."

"Is Auntie Jo coming wiff hims?" Lucy wondered.

"No, baby, she's not. Not this time." You smiled, "So whatdya say; snuggles, pizza and more snuggles?"

“Yay!” She nodded, “and Gwant too.”

“Of course! Can't forget about Grant!"

Lucy did indeed snuggle and take a little cat nap with you until Andy called, waking you both up.

“Hey…” you blinked at the screen.

“I’m sorry, Angel.” He sighed, apologetically, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay,” you shook your head, “I should probably be getting little miss ready for bed anyway.”

"You feeling alright?" Andy wondered.

"Just making a baby, nothing unusual," you chuckled.

“Nah, the making is the fun part,” Andy winked, “You’re doing the hard work baking him now.”

You grinned, "how did it go today?”

“It was okay, my presentation in the morning went without a hitch.” He smiled, “some of the debate this afternoon got a little heated but, wouldn’t expect anything else from a room full of judges and lawyers. The big dinner tonight should make up for it.”

"Ah yes, the dinner," you sighed, remembering the very first one you'd attended with Andy. "Bland chicken and cold vegetables. Enjoy the open bar, it'll be worth it."

Andy laughed, “lamb tonight, Angel, they asked for our orders in advance. And I intend to, although not too much. Don’t fancy flying home with a hangover.”

“Is that daddy?” A yawning voice from the little person tucked into your side spoke.

"It sure is, Bunny."

She shifted a little and sat up, and you smoothed her hair back as she took the phone from you.

“Hi daddy rex!”

"Well, hi Looby-saurus!" Andy chuckled, "how's my little bunny? Are you taking care of Mommy?"

“Yups,” She grinned. “We had Pizza and watched Toy Story!”

"Well, I can't believe I missed it!"

“Yous can watch at weekends” she grinned.

“Sounds great?” Andy smiled, “what else did you do?”

“Wells today we goes and…” Lucy stopped, and then blinked. “Oops, I cants say.”

"Oh, you can't, huh?" A smirk crossed his lips. He flicked his brow in curiosity.

"Nopes, it's a supwise! I cants!"

“You got me a surprise?”

"Don't give in to him, Lucy!" You laughed. "Andy..." you slowly scolded.

“What?” He laughed.

“Dass naughty, Daddy!”

"Alright! I'll be excited to see it! One more sleep, Looby, just one!"

“Does you gots to work tomorrow when yous home?”

“Nope.” Andy shook his head, “it’s an early start to the weekend, baby.”

"Pancakes?"

“Well, I won’t be home until after lunch but…Saturday morning absolutely.”

“Wiff berries and whippeds cream?"

“Of course, is there any other way?”

"Otay! I miss you Daddy."

“I miss you too, Bunny, but one more sleep. That’s all.”

"Otay, Daddy! I gots to go potty!"

“Alright…I love you.”

"Bye daddy!" Lucy tossed the phone to you and then scrambled over your legs and off the sofa.

Can you manage?” You called after her.

"I gots it!"

You chuckled as you picked up the phone. “Little Miss Independent.”

"Huh, yeah, like someone else I know," Andy's eyes sent a playful glare your way. "I miss you, Angel. I know It's only been a couple of days, but I miss you both a lot."

“I miss you too, but not long now.” You smiled softly.

"No, I suppose not," he smiled back. But whilst you knew his smile was genuine, there was that look in his eyes. The look you recognised all too well, and the one that was clearly now why Lucy was feeling the way she was about her daddy; that he was sad.

“Andy…”

"Yeah, baby?"

“It’s okay, you know. To feel how you’re feeling about this…about him. I get it.”

Andy sighed, "I know. But...Angel, this... This is on me. It's not about our son, it's not about us. I'm just...it’s a lot to wrap around right now. It's been a heavy week." His shoulders slumped and he inhaled a shaky breath. "Maybe that's why this seminar hasn't been the greatest. My heads not here, my heart isn't either."

“Oh, Andy.” You swallowed, “I can’t imagine how you feel but I just want you to know I’m not mad or upset…I just, well I get it, okay. And however long you need…that’s okay too.”

"Thank you, I'm sorry."

“Are you happy about the baby?”

“What? Of course I am!”

“And are you gonna love him any less because he is a boy?”

“No, Angel, that’s…”

“Then there’s nothing to be sorry for.” You shook your head.

Andy took in a deep, rattling breath. His eyes were misting, and you could see it over the video call.

“I mean it,” you looked at him.

Andy nodded, the words stuck in his throat. He sniffed and cleared the lump away. "I love you."

“I love you too. So much, Andrew Steven Barber.”

He nodded as his lip wobbled, "I'm gonna see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Angel."

“Yeah, you will. Enjoy the dinner, okay? “

“Okay, honey.”

You bid him goodbye and then took a deep breath before you hauled yourself up off the sofa and headed off to find Lucy.

****

It was just before one the next afternoon when Lucy excitedly yelled as she heard Andy’s car pull up the gravel driveway in front of your home.

“Mommy! It's Daddy-Rex!! He's home!"

“I heard,” you chuckled over Grant’s barking.

He came through the front door and dropped his bags at once, scooping up a charging Lucy.

“Hi, Bunny!” He grinned as he hugged her tightly.

Her little arms strangled around his neck as she buried her little face into his bearded cheek. "I missed yous!"

“I missed you too. Have you looked after mommy and your brother for me?”

Lucy pulled back and smooshed his cheeks together, "Yups! And I fed Gwant! He no eats your tings dis time."

“Well, good job!” Andy grinned as he puckered his lips for a kiss off his daughter. She laid one on him and with a final squeeze, let her down. He used his lower thigh to move Grant out of the way and looped an arm around you as you waited close by. He cupped the side of your face with his free and hand kissed you. Kissed you good; tenderly and slowly.

“Hi…” you whispered, your nose brushing his.

"Hi, baby," he whispered back. His lips pecked yours as he pulled back a little to rest his hand on your bump. "Hi, pal."

“How was your flight?” You asked, your hand laying over the top of his.

"Not quick enough," he sighed. "Let me take these bags up and put my briefcase in the office and I'm all yours. Jo gave me some stuff to bring home for Lucy."

“Why am I not surprised?” You chuckled, “she’s spoilt.”

"Hey, she's her godmother and Lucy is the closest thing they have to children.” Andy smirked. "Let me just go put this in the office first," he winked and picked up his shoulder bag.

"No Daddy! You cants go in there!" Lucy exclaimed.

“Why not?”

"Ums..." she looked at you for help.

“Because we made a mess in there, and we need to tidy up.” You said slowly, holding his gaze.

“Ohhh,” Andy nodded, winking at you. “I see.”

"So you goes to your room, Daddy!" Lucy grinned, "gets cozy and comes back!" She shrugged with her hands out to the sides like it was the perfect idea.

Andy bit his lip, stopping himself from laughing and he nodded. “That’s the best idea, ever.”

"Otay, bye!"

Andy kissed you again and grabbed his suitcase and headed upstairs. Grant, as ever the obnoxious dog he was to his owner, trotted up after him.

“Hello, you furry ass hole.” Andy chuckled as he hopped up onto the bed, tail wagging. He gave Grant an affectionate scratch behind the ear before he emptied his case out quickly. Once his dirty laundry was in the basket, he changed from his jeans and polo to some sweats and a tee.

“C’mon, pal. Let’s go see what your best buddy has planned, huh?”

Grant huffed as if in reply and followed Andy out of the room. Behind his back he held a little gift bag from Jo and her wife. Quickly thudding down the stairs, Andy found you and a very excited Lucy waiting for him ever so wiggly patient by the television and fireplace.

"Cwose yous eyes, Daddy!"

“Okay, but don’t you want your present from auntie JoJo first?”

Lucy's eyes grew wise, "yes, pwease!" She jumped up and down.

With a smile, Andy handed it over.

She sat right down in the spot where she'd stood and pulled the tissue from the top.

“Ooooh looks!” She pulled a new set of colouring pencils out, followed by a sketch book. “I lobes them!”

"Auntie knows you love your art sets, doesn't she, Looby?" You smiled at her, your hand resting on your belly.

Andy smiled warmly and pulled his phone from the coffee table. "Look here, Looby Loo!" He snapped a picture to send off later.

"Okay, do you think Daddy's ready, Lucy?" You peered down at her as she put her things on the coffee table.

“Yups!” She nodded, a huge grin on her face.

"Alright," you smiled. "Close your eyes, BB. Looby, take his hand and go show him. I'm right behind you."

“Dis way, Daddy. For your surprise!”

"Don't run me into anything!"

"No peeking, Daddy!"

“I’m not…”

Lucy took him to his office and made sure he stood right in front of the tank. You held your phone out for pictures and video that you knew Andy would want to see later.

“Okay daddy, when I counts free!”

Andy chuckled, "Okay!"

"One...two..free!"

Andy opened his eyes and blinked. He frowned a little, before his mouth curled up at one side.

“Goldfish?”

"Yup!" She grinned. "Wike the aquardium!"

“They are, yeah.” He chuckled, “and is that a t-rex?”

"Yes! Mommy wet me gets it!" Lucy giggled and hugged his leg. "Are yous happy now, Daddy?"

At that Andy looked away from the fish and down at Lucy. “What do you mean, Bunny?”

"You sads cause of Jay-cob, so I makes you happy!"

“I…” Andy blinked, before he hung his head a little, swallowing.

Your hand fell to the middle of his back, "It's okay." You whispered to him. Then with a little louder voice you peered around Andy's broad back, "He loves it Lucy."

Andy gently dropped to his knees and pulled his daughter into his arms and just held her. "I'm so happy about my fish, baby."

“Daddy, you cries?”

"I'm okay, Lucy, I promise." He sniffed.

“Daddy’s just really happy. Sometimes those feelings get a lot.” You explained.

"Oh," she sighed. "No cries, okay Daddy? I loves you, and dems fishies loves you. Mommy, my baby, my Jay-cob. We alls loves you, Daddy-Rex."

Andy spluttered and pulled Lucy to him, burying his face in her hair. “I love you too, my baby girl. So, so much.”

"Tooooo much!"

Andy pulled back. “Lucy, I wanna tell you something now. And I hope you understand. But, sometimes when I miss Jacob, I do feel sad, but that doesn’t ever mean I don’t love you or I’m sad because of you. You and mommy and now your new baby brother make me so, so happy.”

Lucy took a minute to try and, but she looked confused. Your heart ached for your husband, hearing him say it just chipped away a little at it. The confusion on Lucy's face made you smile softly. "That means that Daddy loves you no matter what and always, okay, Lucy?"

“I knows dat!” She looked at you and then Andy as if you were both stupid.

"Okay, Bunny, just so you know," Andy sniffed. "Now, do they have names?"

“Erms…one does.” She grinned as Andy stood up with her in his arms. “Dat one is Goldie.”

"Oh, Goldie, huh? Original.” His sarcasm was lost on Lucy as she grinned. Andy chuckled. “Okay, and the rest?"

"Das it."

“So, we have to pick names for the other three?” Andy studied the remaining fish, one being white with an orange stripe down its back, the other black with googly eyes and the other a mix of black, orange and gold flecks.

"Yup!"

“Okay…well this one is kinda speckled, so what about Speckles?”

“Now who’s original?” You whispered and he snorted.

"I wike dat," Lucy smiled. "And dat one is...." she thought for a moment, pointing at the black one. "Dat one is Wex!"

“Rex, okay…that’s cool so that just leaves that one with the stripe.”

“Erms oh, oh…Iddle Foot!”

"Oh, good eye, baby! He has a stripe like Little Foot, huh?" Andy kissed her temple. "Thank you so much for my surprise, both of you." He reached for you and looped his arm around your waist, then he kissed your temple. "I love you all so much."

“He wikes them mommy!”

"He sure does, baby," you nodded and leaned into Andy. "He sure does.”

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Oh look…

Sneaky Peaky…

Consciousness Of Guilt

Andy chuckled as you moved so he could climb out of bed, his bare torso flexing a little as he headed out of the room, Grant following. He opened the baby gate into Lucy’s room to find her sat up, the early light from the sunrise illuminating her slightly.

“Good morning Looby-Saurus.” He beamed.

“Hi Daddy Wex!” She giggled as Grant hopped up onto her toddler bed and stuck his nose into her face. “Gwant!”

“Stupid dog…” Andy grumbled, rolling his eyes.

“Daddy nos calls Gwant!” Lucy admonished as she stared up at him and Andy couldn’t help but snort at the expression she wore, so like you.

“Okay, okay.” He grinned and swooped her up in his big arms. She still sometimes looked so small in them to him, his precious girl. "Do you want to come snuggle Mommy so I can get ready for work?"

“Yup yup yups!” She hugged him round his neck and then she gasped. “Oh…iss a-vent day?”

He groans a little, "yep, it's advent day."

She squealed. “We goes?”

"Yes, but after I get dressed for work."

“Otay…”

"I'll be quick, promise." He kissed her cheek as he walked them into your room.

“Mommy!” Looby grinned as she saw you sat up in the large bed.

"Good morning, Looby Loo!"

“Iss assvent!”

"I know! Are you excited?"

In the corner of your eye you saw Andy trying not to laugh at the unfortunate mispronunciation of the word.

“I so esscited!”

COMING NEXT WEEK…AS soon as I get my ass into gear

[navybrat817]

Spoils of War

Pairing: Gladiator!Steve Rogers x Female Reader, mention of Dark Advisor!Andy Barber x Female Reader Summary: Steve gets a reward for a job well done and wishes he could have been with you under different circumstances. Word Count: Over 3k Warnings: Explicit sexual content, Noncon references (do NOT read if this upsets you), Dubcon elements (reader consents with Steve), vaginal unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), possessive behavior, dirty talk, talks of violence, captivity, servitude, dark themes, Steve Rogers (he's a warning, okay?) A/N: Here we go with The Arena! Please heed the warnings with each post for this AU as there will be dark elements throughout. Beta read by the lovely @whisperlullaby, but any and all mistakes are my own. Banner and moodboard by yours truly. Divider by @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Steve Rogers believed in doing the right thing. Even as a young boy, he didn't allow his small size to let bullies push him, or others, around. As long as he could get up, he would fight. He carried that idealism throughout his life. It was why he chose to work with S.H.I.E.L.D..

But he no longer fought for the greater good.

The cheers from the arena rang in his ears as he closed his eyes, the water from the showerhead washing the blood and grime away. It wouldn't take away the guilt that ate at his soul. He was meant to save people, not take their lives away. How was he reduced to being a puppet for the demented masses?

One day, he would be free.

Today, he would savor the spoils of war.

"You've done well, Captain Rogers. A prize is long overdue."

Steve dried off moments later and kept a towel around his waist as he waited for you. He didn't have to wait much longer. The cell door opened long enough to shove you inside, anger boiling in his gut when you almost fell to your knees.

"Break her and Barber will kill you," the guard threatened.

Andy Barber. His former colleague. Your master.

"Should I tell him you nearly made her fall on her face or do you want to do that yourself?"

The guard didn't respond, but had the decency to look afraid before he slammed the door and left the two of you alone.

Steve watched as you straightened up and carefully glanced around the room. The cell HYDRA kept him in was comfortable enough. A small bathroom, a nice bed, and a desk so he could draw. Charcoal only, as they didn't allow him to have anything he could use to harm them. They also refused to let him have a cell near Bucky, afraid they would conspire against the guards and break free.

Even if he did have a weapon with him, he wouldn't use it on you.

His prize.

"Would you like to sit down?" he asked, bringing your gaze toward him.

This was the first time he had seen up close since the day everything went to hell. You were still beautiful, but there was sorrow in your eyes that hadn't been there before. The lacy red and black lingerie set did little to cover you, so different from the office clothes he typically saw you in. He wondered if you shivered slightly from the cold or fear.

"Yes. Thank you, Captain," you answered, offering him a small smile as you made your way to the foot of the bed.

You still had the same smile.

"Don't call me that," he said harsher than he intended to. "I'm not your Captain anymore."

He failed as Captain America. HYDRA captured you, Bucky, and countless others because he hadn't taken them down. It seemed like they only referred to him by his title to taunt him. Was he ever worthy of the shield?

Your smile slipped away as you sat down and lowered your gaze. "I'm sorry, sir."

Steve immediately wanted to pull you into his arms and apologize. You weren't in his cell for more than two minutes and he took his frustration out on you. He hadn't meant to.

"You don't need to apologize. I'm sorry for taking that tone with you. Steve or sir are both fine, sweetheart," he said, his towel slipping further down his hips as he walked toward you. "Or would you prefer I call you by your name?"

"You can call me whatever you want."

The words sounded rehearsed.

You looked up at him when his warm hand cradled your jaw, surprising him when you didn't recoil. He wondered what you saw as you looked into his eyes. A murderer? A monster?

"Why did you ask for me?" you asked.

"Because I was told I could have a reward for a job well done," he told you.

You narrowed your eyes. "Why me specifically?"

Rewards were typically in the form of a mistress since fighters couldn't ask for their freedom, or challenge anyone in charge to a battle. Mistresses were usually sent from the harem and not taken directly from one of the advisors or generals. It was only natural that you'd ask why.

"You belong to Andy Barber," he stated to gauge your reaction.

You flinched, your eyes flashing with something akin to offense and fury, but you didn't pull free from Steve's grasp. From what he gathered, you weren't a willing mistress to Andy. You knelt beside him at every match he could remember and never said a word. Advisors and Generals loved to show off their possessions. Requesting you as his prize for doing such a good job in the arena pissed Andy off, but he couldn't deny him.

A pet having power or sway over a master isn't allowed.

But unlike Andy, Steve's intentions weren't to harm or force himself on you.

If he thought for a moment that you were a willing participant in this, your reaction told him otherwise. "I don't belong to anyone."

"I wasn't trying to offend you," he promised, keeping his hand on you as he took a seat beside you. "How does he treat you?"

You hesitated before you answered. "Sometimes he fucks me like he loves me."

He ran a thumb across your cheek when a tear fell from your eye, rage surging through his veins. Even though you didn't bear any physical scars like him and the other fighters, you no doubt had wounds on the inside. Forced into sexual servitude would be enough to hurt the strongest of people. But the flicker of fire in your eyes, you still had some fight in you. It comforted him that they didn't break you.

"Did he do something to you? Is this some sort of payback?" you guessed.

"He did, but I didn't ask for you to get back at him," he said.

He wouldn't have asked for Andy's mistress if it was anyone other than you.

"I don't know why you're asking how he treats me. At the end of the day, I'm just his whore," you said, eying him warily. "And tonight, I'm yours."

He shook his head, bringing his other hand up to cup both cheeks. "You're not a whore."

He wished you could be his girl.

Maybe in another life.

"Then I don't understand why I'm here if you're not going to use me," you said, confusion filling your beautiful eyes. "I'm nobody."

"You worked on the 3rd floor," he said, tracing his finger along your bra strap when you gasped. "You had a cardigan on the back of your chair and the background on your computer matched whatever season we were in. You kept to yourself, but offered a small, kind smile whenever someone looked your way or jumped in to help without anyone asking. You were vital to S.H.I.E.L.D. and you're far from being a nobody."

You moved an inch closer and his gaze fell to your lips. "You knew me?" you asked in disbelief as he nodded. "I-I never thought anyone as high up as you would've noticed me."

"Of course, I did. I was just too stupid to say anything then," he replied, smiling sadly when he wiped another tear away.

Would it have made this situation better? Worse? Dwelling on "what if" would do more harm than good.

“So, you asked for me because you wanted to see me? You care?”

He let out a breath as he nodded. “I had to see for myself that you’re okay. Well, as okay as you can be given the circumstances,” he said.

There were so many things he wanted to say. That he was sorry a man like Andy ever got his hands on you. That he didn’t want you to give up hope. Why wouldn’t the words come out?

"I didn't think anyone cared," you said, lightly tracing a tiny scar on his arm. Something in your expression shifted from uncertainty to seductive as you leaned in closer. "But that shouldn't surprise me. You're a good man."

He placed a hand on your lips to stop you before you kissed him. Yes, he asked for you to be here, but he didn't want you to feel forced to do this. “No, sweetheart. I’m not going to use you.”

The point of his confession, or whatever he could call it, wasn't to make you give in to him. He needed you to know you did mean something to someone. You weren't alone in this.

“Is it using me if I’m offering?” you countered when he lowered his hand, giving you the chance to lean in to pepper his jaw with soft kisses. He didn’t stop you this time. “Unless you don’t want me.”

Steve wanted you. God, he wanted you, but he wouldn’t take from you the way Andy did. Even when you placed a hand on his thigh, your touch light and heavenly, he had to resist. HYDRA reduced him to a killer, he refused to sink any lower.

“I know you won’t hurt me,” you said, leaning back and reaching behind you to unhook your bra. He didn’t mean to groan when you took it off, but your breasts on display had his heart pounding against his ribs. Your nipples were hard and he hadn’t even properly touched you. “Like I said, you're a good man.”

Steve’s hands fell to your hips when you straddled him, his cock twitching beneath the towel. Was it wrong to give in if you wanted it? But did you actually want him? Were you acting on instinct? Orders?

“How am I a good man if I’m taking advantage of you?” he tried to argue when you pushed your hips down.

“You aren’t. You're giving me a choice and I'm choosing to give myself to you,” you said, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I want to forget even if it’s just for tonight.”

He wanted to forget, too. He didn’t want to see the blood that stained his shield or the life leaving the eyes of the bodies that fell. What he wouldn’t give to have a beer with Bucky after a mission gone well. Or take you out on a proper date.

“I’m your prize, Steve. So take it.”

The last shred of hesitation inside him snapped when he fastened his lips against yours. You went pliant against him, opening your mouth for him to take what he wanted. It wasn’t how he wanted your first kiss with him to be, but it made him dizzy nonetheless.

He didn’t break the kiss as he rolled you over, spreading you out on your back to slide in between your thighs. He swallowed down the small sound you made before he gave you both a chance to catch your breath. The sight of you gazing up at him made him lose his breath again.

“Please,” you whispered, shuddering as he moved his calloused hands up your legs.

He heard people beg before, but not like this. You would be his salvation. He hoped he could be yours, too.

Torn between kissing up your thighs or diving right in, he decided to dip a hand between your legs. You shivered again as he pressed his palm against the damp, flimsy fabric. “You’re wet,” he said in awe, gripping the underwear and tearing it away.

Your back arched, sending a shiver down his spine when he saw your eyes glaze over with lust. “For you, Steve.”

For him.

The slide of his first finger made him close his eyes. You were tight and warm and the clench around the digit alone was enough to make his cock twitch. He wondered if you ever got this wet for Andy. Did he prep you? Make you come?

“I’m supposed to take care of you,” you whined when he pushed another finger in.

“Are you my prize, sweetheart?” he asked, spreading and sliding his fingers in and out. He brought his other hand up to your breasts, not wanting to neglect them as he toyed with your pussy. "Are you giving yourself to me?"

“Yes,” you said breathlessly when he pinched a hardened bud, your walls tightening more by the time he added a third finger. “I am.”

“Then let me handle you as I see fit,” the slight command that came out was reminiscent of his days of being a Captain, the very thing he told you not to call him.

“Yes, Sir,” you whimpered, arching your back again when he removed his fingers.

He brought them to his mouth and licked each of them clean, savoring the sweet and tangy flavor of you on his tongue. If he was a better man, he’d take more time with you. Worship every inch of you until you sobbed and begged for more. Later, he’d indulge until all he knew was your taste. Your first orgasm though, he wanted on his cock.

He had to be inside you now.

You blinked and smiled as if you sensed his need. “I’m ready.”

Steve gripped the base of his cock as he settled between your legs. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine you were in his home. He refused to do so. This was the reality you were in and he had to make the most of it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, silencing you with a kiss when you opened your mouth.

You gasped as he lined up with your entrance and slowly slid in. He almost stopped halfway through when you clenched hard around him, but his kisses relaxed you enough to let him in. He never felt anything as good as you and was sure he never would again. He was afraid he’d become addicted.

“I’m sorry, too,” you whispered back, sending shivers down his spine when you ran your fingers through his beard. “But it’s okay.”

He began to thrust, unable to take the tenderness in your eyes. In another life, he would’ve been worthy of that gaze and comfort. Now it was survival of the fittest.

“I won’t break,” you moaned, allowing him to take your wrists and pin them over your head. “You can fuck me how you need to.”

“What was it you said?” he asked, driving deeper into you to make you moan louder. “He fucks you like he loves you?”

You choked on your breath when you gazed up at him with fear in your eyes. You blinked it away before he could dwell on it. “Sometimes.”

“You haven’t been fucked by me before,” he grunted, taking your leg to wrap around his hip. “When I send him back to you, you’ll be dripping with me. He'll know you'll never truly be his."

A loud moan escaped when his grip on your wrists tightened, your hips rising to meet his thrusts as he fucked into you. It was easier than he thought to forget the horrors when he was buried inside you. What would he have to do to keep you for more than a night?

You squirmed when he slid his hand between your bodies and sought out your bundle of nerves. “You said you don’t belong to anyone, but here with me, you’re mine,” he said, circling your clit with his thumb. The whine he got in response was otherworldly. “Say it.”

“I’m yours,” you moaned, tears gathering in the corners of your eyes.

He wanted to believe it.

“Again,” he gritted. “Say you’re mine.”

“I’m yours. I’m yours!”

Your eyes widened when you quivered around him, a gush of wetness flowing around his cock as you cried out. The orgasm seemed to take you by surprise, but he kept up his pace to ride it out. He hoped it would be the first of many. Your face twisted in pleasure was almost enough to send him over the edge.

“Please, Steve,” you moaned brokenly, lying bonelessly beneath him as he buried his face in your neck.

Steve couldn’t resist when you begged so beautifully, letting out a broken sound of his own as he spilled into you. The release had him panting against your skin as finished, trying to remember the last time he experienced ecstasy like that. He desperately tried to hang on, not wanting it to end for either of you.

He pushed himself up to look at you, but didn't pull out, a sense of pride filling him at your fucked out expression. Releasing your wrists, he brought your hands up to wrap around him. He wasn’t expecting to need the comforting touch, but he had to feel your hands on him after what you shared.

Silence stretched on as snuggled close and he thought for a moment that you drifted off when you stayed quiet.

“I don’t want to send you back in the morning,” he admitted, tilting your chin so you'd look at him.

You quietly sniffled as you turned away. “I don’t either, but you have to. Andy is furious enough as it is."

He pulled you in for a hug when you trembled. He wanted to choke the life out of Andy himself. Maybe HYDRA had made him a monster.

“Maybe you can't stay here permanently, but I’ll ask for you again after my next match. I promise.”

He didn’t want you around Andy longer than you had to be.

“So, we meet up after your fights and allow ourselves to keep forgetting? You go back into the fight and I go back to the Advisor quarters?” you asked, your eyes shining as he let you rest against the mattress.

He tilted his head as he studied your face. The blissful expression had determination underneath. Both of you wanted to get out of here, like everyone else. With your position, maybe you could use it to your, and his, advantage.

“I’m a fighter. You’re the mistress of an advisor. I’m sure we can forget and find other uses for our time together,” he said carefully, in case he was reading you incorrectly. “What do you say?”

The smile you gave him was hopeful. “I'm in."

Oh, you don't think it'll be that easy, do you? Not if Andy has his way. 😏 Love and thanks! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Steve Rogers Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[needlereads]

soooo yummy! 😈 got me toying with all these factors.

because like, if this went in a soft dark direction where Reader has the resources to corner Andy, really pull the strings on his work and family connections so that you're both just constantly in each other's space. oooh shit could get flipped real fast.

then, there's also the softly dark direction where Andy finds you, lays on the charm, plays on your compassion and guilt, makes you think he wants to do the "right thing" but simply can't, oh he would be beyond irresistible as your soulmate.

and the sensation play! 😩💦 YES PLEASE.

mr. barber won't let go of you no matter how much you get on his nerves

MA'AM.

AU ask...soulmate + Andy Barber?

hmm ok so regardless of any other au setting like modern, period, fantasy, etc. i think soulmate au with andy will always include:

divorced!andy 😈 i do love me a divorced dilf andy with some angsty undertones. whether he divorced laurie because of incompatibility, canon events, or because he found you, i have no clue!! maybe the story even starts off with married!andy -> divorced!andy 😏 leading to intense angst and guilt and hurt/comfort

homemaking!! so much homemaking!! 🥺 themes of you taking over his home, your own personal touch being added to make it yours. trips to target ✅ trips to macys ✅ trips to jc penney ✅ we are USING his lawyer salary besties 💅🏻

slight soft dark undertones; are soulmates a good thing? what about the way they impact people's established lives? what happens when it drives soulmates to do anything to be with each other? andy's possessiveness is ramped up to 100, he needs you, he has to have you like he has to have air. vice versa, you know he's not the guy with the cleanest past or an uncomplicated life, but the call to be with him is undeniable 😔

unhinged scent and sensation play - your soulmate is just more, their natural scent, their touch, their breath feels different compared to others. i'm talking filthy messy smut that's borderline too rough; biting scratching ahem cumplay 👀

breeding kink because this is andrew fecking barber, he's clawed himself into a good position in life, gone through his trials, and now he wants his happy ending - wife, house, and as many babies as you're wiling to have with him. is it fully soft dark? no, honestly, you have your own vices and shoulder devils, you have your own desires to satisfy and it's a good thing mr. barber won't let go of you no matter how much you get on his nerves

---

send me a potential au & i tell you 5 things about it