#guest starring the duke of istria

[murillo-enthusiast]

🧨 Bessières

Send 🧨 for my muse to start an argument with yours

... The domesticity of your other selves concerns me, Istria, and I must ask if you-

Bessières: You... do not need to question my commitment, Monsieur le Maréchal.

We cannot have half-measures here. We must know our duty. Everything is at stake. The enemy slipped through your grasp, Marshal!

Bessières: It is hardly because I possess... some inner desire to retire that Roi Nicolas escaped!

Yet it is undeniable that your return was sparked by a coincidental rendezvous with a self that you very well might envy, and I do not believe that you caused the incident that lead to Ney's rescue mission, but the enemy might very well have taken advantage of you!

Bessières: ... We... are having this conversation in the echo of your home village, Monsieur.

That fact does not escape me. I am thankful for this, yes. And it is because I cannot give this up that I approach you with such concerns.

Bessières: ... My other selves are not relevant to my mission, Dalmatia, and they do not reflect on my resolve.

See to it that they do not.

[murillo-enthusiast]

Lannes: YOU OKAY THERE DALMATIE?

Soult: I'm busy. Go away, you're dead.

Lannes: YEAH SO ARE YOU, ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME

Soult: If we attack the enemy's flank here...

Lannes: SO THAT'S A NO ON BAKING A CAKE FOR MY WEDDING TO BESSIE HUH

Bessières: Why are you still insisting on marrying my other self..?

Lannes: ITS LIKE A DUEL BUT LESS SWORDS

Bessières: ... And somehow, Marshal Soult imagining that he is involved in some long lost battle and ignoring us is coming across as more sane than you.

Soult: Keep it down! I am TRYING to focus on writing these orders for the Emperor!

Lannes: MAYBE IF THIS IS STILL GOING WHEN WE GET MARRIED THIS BATTLE CAN BE THE ENTERTAINMENT

[murillo-enthusiast]

Lameth: One more round indeed, Your Excellency!

Of course, Soult wants Lameth to win. For her pride, for his pride, for propriety’s sake, for not having a world where cats howl and dogs purr; is she not standing up for the women who bravely carry their canteens and support the soldier in their noble duties? But the idea of having to be that woman, not able to take lead and charge, not able to contribute all that she can - it sits ill with him. No, her.

What is wrong with her?

Soult: Give it your all, Lameth.

In Lameth’s opinion, he rather thinks that it might be a good idea to lose, to forestall this talk of the marshal resigning and becoming a cantinière. He rather thinks that the marshal would not make a very good cantinière at all. But he also has his pride, and winning against that dandy king who can’t take jokes does have a certain appeal. So really, this is a win-win situation. Of course, he’s going to try his best.

He is also wondering if that letter still has its magic - but he can talk about that with Saint-Chamans later~

Lameth: As they say in this modern day, Your Majesty, “game on”!

The hands are clenched, and the arm wrestling commences. Soult’s ADCs cheer and holler. Soult stares. Nobody notices two new people approaching the crowd from different directions - one walking with determination, the other hanging back cautiously and very, very baffled.

A few times, the interlocked arms slip one way or the other. There is sweat on the combatants’ heads, yes, as well as some on the onlookers’. It does seem that Lameth might score a win for male chauvinism (which is a word originating in Bonapartism), but at last, at long last, his hand is forced down by the victorious King of Naples.

Saint-Chamans starts booing. Soult looks furious and torn.

Soult: …

But before she can speak-

Louise Berg-Soult: JEAN-DE-DIEU SOULT.

DON’T THINK I HAVEN’T NOTICED YOU AVOIDING ME.

Soult: ..!

Louise: I do apologise, ladies and gentlemen! I am sure you are all having a lot of fun, but I am going to have a private word with my spouse!

Soult: Louise-

Louise: DON’T YOU LOUISE ME, MY LOVE. YOU ARE COMING WITH ME RIGHT NOW.

Soult: … Yes, dear.

With a very ironically hangdog look, the catgirl walks towards her wife, who extends a hand. After a moment’s hesitation, Soult takes it, and they walk off.

Lameth: Well, that was a deus-ex-matron if I ever saw one! The lioness come to fetch her ex-lion~

And then… someone else speaks up. A man in a travelling cloak, tied together with a particular golden chain, but his powdered hair and immaculate eyebrows are immediately recognisable.

Bessières: … Excuse me. Who… are all of you, and what are you doing in Marshal Soult’s realm..? I had thought to bring him a gift, but I recognise only his ADCs here.

And of course, he is holding a box of pizza.

(( @le-brave-des-braves & @perdicinae-observer & @your-dandy-king ))

Iɴᴛᴇʀɴᴀʟɪsᴇᴅ Cᴀᴛɢɪʀʟ Mɪsᴏɢʏɴʏ

previous ( 1, 2 )

·—·—·—·—·—·—·

"I really hope that you win, Murat, because otherwise we will get a very elaborate lecture how to be proper ladies." - @le-brave-des-braves

"He's going to give us one regardless if Murat wins or not." - @perdicinae-observer

"Another round, and give it your best shot this time!" - @your-dandy-king

·—·—·—·—·—·—·

Soult's catgirl ear twitches in the direction of Davout's comment, but her lip is already curled so unpleasantly that it's hard to say if she got even more grumpier by that comment. Her tail is swishing around angrily as well, though it pretty much hasn't stopped the entire time. Lameth squares up for round two. This time, he actually does seem to be giving it his all, and he even looks a little more focused. He's a young, fit, healthy(..?) man of age 26, and he is galvanised both by the disappointment of his boss and possibly by Saint-Chamans in the back going "ARE YOU GOING TO LET A GIRL DEFEAT YOU". Thanks, Saint-Chamans. And... he just barely forces Murat's hand down. 1-1. The only reaction from Soult is a hmmph. The reaction from the rest of the ADCs is a cheer. Saint-Chamans waves a bottle of unspecified alcohol around.

[murillo-enthusiast]

Bessières: I'm sorry. Marshal Lannes is too busy howling like a hyena to answer your question. Which I definitely did not hear correctly... and do not want to hear correctly.

Soult: If you are not going to make yourself useful, get out of my office. I have a battle to win.

Lannes: HAhahahaAHhahaha fuck anyway soult do you know who we are

Soult: You are irrelevant to my duties.

Lannes: yeah hes fucking out of it, if he actually beliefed he was in fucking... 1815 adn still alive hed be freaking out at dead people or he just wont be able to see us

theres some kind of fucked fog in his brain thats messing up his perception but making him think hes reliving shit but not actually

we should keep an eye on him and see if its our enemys bullshit or if its just anonymous magic bullshit adn maybe we should check on our other coworkers who were involved in that shit i dunno who tho i wasnt alive

Bessières: Ah. So you are actually analysing the situation, I see.

Lannes: I CAN MULTITASK WEDDING PREPARATONS AND WORKING OUT WHATS FUCKED WITH OUR COLLEAGUE THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Soult: This is no time for a wedding!

Lannes: ITS THE PERFECT TIME FOR A WEDDING

Lannes: YOU OKAY THERE DALMATIE?

Soult: I'm busy. Go away, you're dead.

Lannes: YEAH SO ARE YOU, ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME

Soult: If we attack the enemy's flank here...

Lannes: SO THAT'S A NO ON BAKING A CAKE FOR MY WEDDING TO BESSIE HUH

Bessières: Why are you still insisting on marrying my other self..?

Lannes: ITS LIKE A DUEL BUT LESS SWORDS

Bessières: ... And somehow, Marshal Soult imagining that he is involved in some long lost battle and ignoring us is coming across as more sane than you.

Soult: Keep it down! I am TRYING to focus on writing these orders for the Emperor!

Lannes: MAYBE IF THIS IS STILL GOING WHEN WE GET MARRIED THIS BATTLE CAN BE THE ENTERTAINMENT

[murillo-enthusiast]

Yes, yes, I am sure you are a veritable mother lioness, Monsieur. You have decided that your place is in the home and not the army, which is all very admirable. But you cannot do both. We do not want our mothers and wives to be forced to pick up arms- it is a failing if we let the situation get to that point.

Bessières: ... I... am not of two minds, Soult. And neither are my other selves.

Marshal Bessières. Remember that your initial construction was flawed and our benefactor saw fit to add the element of your burning letters to counteract that lack of initiative in you. If that initiative is still in error, then we must address it.

Bessières: That is a low blow, Dalmatia.

I treasure you as a fellow commander and friend, which is why I am telling you this. The two of us were constructed for a purpose, and we must fulfil our purpose and duty.

🧨 Bessières

Send 🧨 for my muse to start an argument with yours

... The domesticity of your other selves concerns me, Istria, and I must ask if you-

Bessières: You... do not need to question my commitment, Monsieur le Maréchal.

We cannot have half-measures here. We must know our duty. Everything is at stake. The enemy slipped through your grasp, Marshal!

Bessières: It is hardly because I possess... some inner desire to retire that Roi Nicolas escaped!

Yet it is undeniable that your return was sparked by a coincidental rendezvous with a self that you very well might envy, and I do not believe that you caused the incident that lead to Ney's rescue mission, but the enemy might very well have taken advantage of you!

Bessières: ... We... are having this conversation in the echo of your home village, Monsieur.

That fact does not escape me. I am thankful for this, yes. And it is because I cannot give this up that I approach you with such concerns.

Bessières: ... My other selves are not relevant to my mission, Dalmatia, and they do not reflect on my resolve.

See to it that they do not.

[murillo-enthusiast]

It is not the matter of having children that is the issue, Istria. It is that in life, men had their role as protector and master, and women presided over the home and family- and while this afterlife seems determined to upend what we held to be genuine truths of man and woman, it is still a fact that you cannot be a soldier and indulge in such domesticity at the same time.

Bessières: Enough! Leave my other selves out of this. You have impugned their honour needlessly; it is my shame alone that has lead to my failure to contain the enemy, but it is not due to any qualities that I share with my honourable other selves. My other selves have served well in life and have the right to retire - and is that not what we are fighting for?

... Perhaps it is. But remember your duty, Marshal Bessières, and do not give us reason to revist this conversation.

Bessières: ... I will not, Dalmatia.

🧨 Bessières

Send 🧨 for my muse to start an argument with yours

... The domesticity of your other selves concerns me, Istria, and I must ask if you-

Bessières: You... do not need to question my commitment, Monsieur le Maréchal.

We cannot have half-measures here. We must know our duty. Everything is at stake. The enemy slipped through your grasp, Marshal!

Bessières: It is hardly because I possess... some inner desire to retire that Roi Nicolas escaped!

Yet it is undeniable that your return was sparked by a coincidental rendezvous with a self that you very well might envy, and I do not believe that you caused the incident that lead to Ney's rescue mission, but the enemy might very well have taken advantage of you!

Bessières: ... We... are having this conversation in the echo of your home village, Monsieur.

That fact does not escape me. I am thankful for this, yes. And it is because I cannot give this up that I approach you with such concerns.

Bessières: ... My other selves are not relevant to my mission, Dalmatia, and they do not reflect on my resolve.

See to it that they do not.

[murillo-enthusiast]

Lannes: see my hypotheses is correct neys also fucked in the head anyway ill keep an eye on these two fuckers if you two future brothers in laws and @your-dandy-king want to go see if anyone else is being weird

Bessières: Did... you have to describe us as that.

Lannes: what the fuck else am i supposed to call you, selves in laws? clones in laws?

Soult: @le-brave-des-braves, what are you doing here? Are you waiting for more orders?! The orders will come when I deliver them!

Lannes: what even happened to berthier that this asshole has to do the berthier job anyway

Bessières: Surely not anything good.

Lannes: YOU OKAY THERE DALMATIE?

Soult: I'm busy. Go away, you're dead.

Lannes: YEAH SO ARE YOU, ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME

Soult: If we attack the enemy's flank here...

Lannes: SO THAT'S A NO ON BAKING A CAKE FOR MY WEDDING TO BESSIE HUH

Bessières: Why are you still insisting on marrying my other self..?

Lannes: ITS LIKE A DUEL BUT LESS SWORDS

Bessières: ... And somehow, Marshal Soult imagining that he is involved in some long lost battle and ignoring us is coming across as more sane than you.

Soult: Keep it down! I am TRYING to focus on writing these orders for the Emperor!

Lannes: MAYBE IF THIS IS STILL GOING WHEN WE GET MARRIED THIS BATTLE CAN BE THE ENTERTAINMENT