#guess whose birthday it is next week!!

[janamensch]

Flower crown Juliett!!!

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

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clone - a - willy

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ʚ Gojo Satoru x Chubby Fem Reader ɞ

❥ Summary: You've been paired up with Gojo Satoru for a class and you've developed a crush on him. After his fraternity holds a "Clone-a-Willy" fundraiser, and your friend buys you a dildo of his dick, your feelings grow stronger. You just hope he never finds out...

❥ Word Count: 4.2k

❥ CW: chubby fem reader, smut, female masturbation, oral sex (fem receiving), penetrative sex (penis in vagina), petnames (princess, pretty), biting

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Smart. Handsome. Rich. Gojo Satoru was all these things, and now he was your lab partner.

You were shocked when you were given the assigned seat next to him and told that you would be partners for the semester. He was so polite too, nothing like the usual frat boys you met in your other classes.

“I’m Gojo Satoru! Nice to meet you! Let’s work hard this semester!”

God, his cheerfulness was intoxicating. No wonder you developed a crush on him during your first meeting.

It was just a little crush, nothing to sneeze over, but your roommate noticed how your disposition changed in just a couple weeks. She teased you endlessly, asking for details about the infamous Gojo Satoru of Alpha Phi. She’d heard rumors, just like you, of how he was a playboy and a huge flirt, but you hadn’t experienced that in class yet, much to your roommate’s disappointment.

“Damn, I was really hoping he was an ass like everyone said, you know, just so you could say the rumors are true about frat boys.”

You shrugged it off, just grateful that Gojo was kind to you and helpful during your labs together.

But things changed when Alpha Phi held a fundraiser.

You didn’t hear much about it until you got back to your dorm after the day’s classes and had to listen to your roommate gush about the event.

“You would not believe what they did this year!” You sighed, taking off your shoes by the door.

“What did they do?”

Your roommate didn’t reply. Instead she reached into her bag and pulled out… a dildo?

“What—”

“They did a Clone-A-Willy fundraiser!”

You stared, shocked at the tan silicone toy, blinking rapidly.

“They… sold dildos?”

“That are copies of their own dicks!”

You kept staring, shocked, unsure of what to say.

“This is Geto Suguru’s dick. Isn’t it big? God, I can’t wait to use it.”

“I—”

“But don’t worry!” she interrupted, going back into her bag and pulling out yet another large dildo. “I got one for you too! Guess whose it is.”

Your eyes widened, jaw dropping.

“No—”

“Yes! It’s the Gojo Satoru’s dick in dildo form! Surprise! Happy birthday, happy New Year’s, happy whatever holiday you wanna celebrate!”

Your hand went to your mouth, trying to cover your expression.

“You didn’t.”

“Oh, I totally did. Gojo was out there selling em too, flirting with all the girls who bought his toy. And there were a lot of them too, I actually got one of the last ones just for you!”

“Ashley… This is insane. I can’t accept this.”

“What? Why not? I got it just for you. You don’t have to worry about the cost, I’m not gonna make you pay me back—”

“No! No, I… Ashley, he’s my lab partner. This is so inappropriate.” She rolled her eyes.

“Oh, come on, Y/N. It’s nothing to worry about. You have a crush on him, we both know that, but unless you’re gonna start coming out of your shell and actively flirt with him, you’re never gonna get that dick. This will give you the chance to experience his dick without committing to the guy.” You rubbed your hand over your face.

“Ashley… This is so wrong…”

“Oh, Y/N, please calm down. Why are you getting so upset over this? It’s just some harmless fun. If Gojo didn’t want people to use these dildos, he wouldn’t have made them in the first place. He’s okay with it.”

“But—”

“Look,” she started, opening your nightstand drawer, “you don’t have to use it if it really makes you uncomfortable, but I can’t take it back so you might as well keep it just in case.”

You couldn’t fight her on this, not when she gave those pathetic puppy dog eyes, pleading for forgiveness.

“Alright, fine. But I’m not going to use it!”

That’s what you told her. That’s what you told yourself. But you found yourself drawn to the girthy toy in your nightstand. The next time you had the dorm to yourself, you took it out and examined it in detail. It was thick, your hand barely able to wrap around it, and it was long too, long enough to reach deep inside you, hit all those spots that your stubby fingers would never be able to reach…

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise when you used the toy that same day, fucking yourself vigorously with it, making yourself whine. It felt so fucking good, filling you up so nicely, making you cum over and over again.

You cleaned and hid the toy before your roommate came back, and you promised yourself it wouldn’t happen again.

You were very good at lying to yourself. Every chance you got alone, you were grabbing that toy, fucking yourself nice and deep in between your classes. You’d started imagining Gojo there with you, fucking you good, praising you all the while for taking his fat cock. You felt guilty for it, but you couldn’t help but moan his name quietly, wishing he was there to treat you right. Would he be slow and sweet? Or hard and fast? Would he call you a good girl or his precious little slut? Would he make you cream or squirt? Your thoughts swirled endlessly as you came on the toy once again, pulling it out and panting hard.

This was getting out of hand. You couldn’t be developing feelings for your lab partner like this. He even began to notice a change in you.

“Is something wrong?” he asked one day in the library while you were working on your project together. You cleared your throat, shying away when he leaned in closer towards you. God, his cologne smelled so good—

“I’m fine,” you lied, swallowing hard. You couldn’t look at him after what you had done the day before, after you had ridden his dildo for close to half an hour, cumming almost a dozen times. You couldn’t stop wondering if he would ever try to make you feel that good.

“You sure? You’ve been acting off the last few classes, and you’re not talking as much as usual.” He leaned forward into your line of sight, smiling softly, speaking quietly. “Look, if something’s wrong, we can reschedule. Maybe we could go someplace less stressful and not as packed? Maybe the lobby of the physics building? Or we can go to your dorm if that makes you comfortable?”

Here he was, being so sweet and considerate, and all the while you were masturbating to the thought of him using a dildo that was a literal copy of his dick. You felt so ashamed, and yet the thought alone was currently turning you on, making your legs clench.

“It’s okay. I can keep working.” He gave an unsure frown but nodded.

“Alright, if you say so, but I’m serious about working somewhere quieter next time. Maybe it’d be easier to finish this at your dorm. That way you’re comfortable and not as stressed about finishing this.” You smiled at him genuinely.

“Thank you, Gojo. We can go to my place tomorrow. My roommate has classes till five, so maybe we could meet right after lunch? That should give us enough time to finish what we don’t get done today.” Gojo smiled back at you, and you swore you could feel your heart skip a beat.

“Sounds good. We could meet up for lunch if you want. I have a class at ten but then I’m free the rest of the day.”

You felt your heart pound, and you nodded a bit too enthusiastically.

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

So, that’s what you did. You met at your chemistry building before walking to an on-campus cafe. You had a quick lunch, mostly talking about your project and your respective classes before you made your way to your dorm.

“Here it is,” you said after you unlocked the door, opening it wide and walking inside. You both discarded your shoes by the door before locking it and heading farther into your room.

“Nice place,” Gojo stated, looking around at the posters you had on the wall. “You like this band too?”

“Oh, them? Yeah, I’ve been a fan for a few years.”

“Really? That’s crazy. I haven’t met anyone on campus yet who likes em. What a coincidence,” he said with a toothy grin. You felt your heart flutter, but you shook your head and took out your laptop, plugging it in and sitting at your desk.

“Yeah, what a coincidence…”

The two of you started working quickly, you at your desk, Gojo on your bed with his own laptop. You were pretty quiet, making the occasional comment about your work before going back to silence. It was about an hour later when Gojo pushed his laptop to the side, lying back and stretching.

“Man, I’m beat! Thank God this project is pretty much done. I don’t know how much more I can take.”

You hummed, glancing over at him, just to find him on his phone.

“Damn, I’m at 20%. Do you have a charger I could borrow?”

“Uh, yeah. Check the drawer on my nightstand.”

You didn’t realize what you said until the nightstand drawer opened.

“W-Wait—”

It was too late. Gojo had already pulled out the toy and proceeded to stare at it. You could feel your face burn as you stood up.

“I-It’s not what you think! My roommate got it for me as a joke!” He kept staring as he sat up, making you panic. “I-I haven’t even used it! It’s just been sitting in there collecting dust, ha ha!” Gojo hummed, scraping his nail along the toy.

“Something weird is dried on it…”

Fuck, you must not have cleaned it well. You rushed to his side, pulling the dildo away from him and hiding it behind your back.

“Look, I know this is weird, and I’m super sorry, but I promise it’s just a joke! Nothing’s happened, we can just go back to studying and—”

“Y/N,” he said low, standing up to his full height, looking down at you. “Be honest with me. Have you used that toy before?”

You felt like you were backed into a corner. Your stomach was flipping like crazy, making you sweat. You couldn’t answer him, couldn’t do anything but look down at the floor.

“Have you… thought about me while you did it?”

You still couldn’t answer, but you felt yourself shrink in on yourself. You could see his fists clench and unclench in your line of sight. Fuck, he was mad, he must’ve been. Why else would he be so quiet? Maybe he was disgusted with you. Maybe he would yell at you and stomp out. Shit, what if he told your secret to all his friends? What if you became the laughing stock of your university?

“Y/N. Look at me.”

You hesitantly looked up, meeting his icy blue gaze. You were about to apologize, beg him not to say anything to anyone, promise to do all the work the rest of the semester if he would just keep quiet. But you didn’t have the chance to.

Before you could blink, Gojo leaned forward and kissed you.

Your eyes widened, hands dropping the dildo behind you as his lips moved against yours. Your hands instinctively went to his chest—you could feel his muscles through his shirt—nails digging into the fabric. His hands found your waist, pulling you to him, hips pressed together. You pulled away when he licked at your lip, staring up at him, cheeks burning.

“I… I don’t understand,” you whispered, eyes searching his face. He was blushing, glowing when he smiled down at you.

“I got a confession to make, Y/N.” His arms circled your waist, keeping you flush to him. “I’ve kinda been crushing on you all semester.”

Your eyes widened, jaw going slack.

“You… what?”

“I can’t help it!” he exclaimed, holding up his hands. “You’re just so sweet and nice and smart and pretty! I’m sorry for throwing this on you, really I am, but I can’t keep it to myself anymore.”

You shook your head, taking a step back.

“This isn’t funny, Gojo. Don’t play with my feelings.”

“I’m not, I swear! Here, look at me,” he said, taking your hands and looking deep into your eyes. “I really like you, Y/N. I’m sorry I didn’t say it till now, but I’m telling the truth.”

“You… you mean it? You’re not joking around?”

“No, Y/N. I would never joke about this. I swear to God, I like you so much that it’s keeping me up at night.”

You couldn’t believe it. The Gojo Satoru was confessing to you. Not even in your best dreams did you think this would be happening to you.

“Hey,” he whispered, pulling you closer, leaning towards you. “Is it okay if I prove how much I like you?”

“P-Prove?” you stuttered, picking up on his flirting. He nodded, pulling you to his chest again, arms flying around your waist.

“Wanna show you how much I like you.”

You hesitated, feeling your skin burn, your cunt clenching in anticipation.

“O-Okay… you can sh-show me.”

“Yeah? Pretty girl wants me to show her how crazy she makes me?” You stifled a whine, nodding quickly, only making his smirk grow. “Good. How about you get on the bed for me?”

You found yourself complying with his demands, inching towards the bed and sitting on top, waiting for his next move. He stood between your legs, staring down at you for a good long while before his hands went down to your hips.

“Can I take these off?”

You nodded, letting him unbutton your jeans, lifting your hips so he could slide them off. Your jeans and panties were discarded onto the floor, and Gojo fell to his knees.

“Your thighs are so warm and soft,” he muttered, kneading your legs, making you leak. “I love seeing how they squish when you sit down. I’ve thought about laying my head on them way too much.”

With that, he rest his forehead against your thighs, nuzzling into you, humming to himself. He pressed a gentle kiss to your thigh, making you inhale sharply, squeezing your legs shut tighter. He clicked his tongue, weaving his hand between your legs.

“Don’t hide from me, princess. I wanna show you how I feel.”

He pulled apart your thighs, spreading them wide, revealing your chubby pussy to him. He sighed, leaning forward to place a kiss on your upper pussy, nosing his way down between your legs. He kissed your pudgy pussy lips, flicking his tongue against them, making you tremble. His slender hands trailed up your thighs, peeling apart your pussy lips, revealing yourself to him.

“Oh God… your pussy… it’s so pretty,” he spoke in disbelief, staring at you. You felt yourself grow embarrassed, squirming under his gaze.

“Please… don’t—hah!”

His tongue darted out, flicking your clit with the tip. His blue eyes stared up at you, watching your expression contort as his tongue flattened against your clit, licking it fully. He moved it up and down languidly, blinking slowly as he gained a rhythm. After a minute, he began drawing patterns—circles and figure eights. At one point you wondered if he was spelling his name because you could’ve sworn he was writing in cursive with his tongue.

You soon became a moaning mess, resting back on your elbows, hips twitching into his mouth. You gasped when you felt his finger prod at your entrance, circling it, dipping in just the tip before pushing in down to the knuckle.

“God, you’re so tight, too. How in the world did you fit my dildo inside? Fuck, just thinking about you masturbating with it turns me on like crazy.”

“I-I’m sorry f-for using the t-toy!” you whined, voice pitching when he curled his finger, hitting your g-spot.

“Don’t apologize, princess. I think it’s so fucking hot. I was hoping you would show up that day to get one, but I must’ve missed you.”

“It-It was from my f-friend.”

“Ahh, nice friend, getting you such a nice toy to play with. Shit, if I had known you were using my dildo, I would’ve confessed a lot fucking sooner. So much time wasted.”

He added a second finger, pumping the two of them in and out at a steady pace. You could hear how wet you were, your cunt clenching around his fingers as he thrust them into you. You fell back on the bed, back arching as you felt pressure build inside you.

“Oh my God… you’re pulsing around me. You gonna cum? Ya gonna cum on my fingers? Fuck, I want you to, please, I want it so bad.”

His mouth went back to your clit, forming an ‘O’ shape around it, sucking harshly. The action made you squeal, hands finding his hair, tugging at the white strands. You only made him moan against you, the vibrations sending you into a frenzy. His combined efforts were putting you through a whirlwind of sensations, hurtling you towards your peak.

“G-Gojo, please, I-I-I—”

“Go on, pretty. Let go for me. Wanna see you cum on my fingers.”

That was it. That was enough to send you over the edge. Your breath hitched, mouth falling open as you came. You gushed around his fingers, back hurting from how hard it was arching off the bed, thighs clenching next to his cheeks. The moment passed, and you could feel yourself coming down from your high.

But he didn’t stop.

You cried out, begging him to let up, to slow down, but he wasn’t listening. He kept sucking at your clit, fingers pumping quickly, making you climb towards another climax far too quickly.

“Gojo, Gojo! Please, stop, I-I can’t! Please, I—ah!”

It was too late. You were cumming again, trembling under his hold. His mouth and fingers slowed down, helping you down from your peak, guiding you back to Earth. He released your clit, pulling away, a string of spit connecting him to your cunt.

“Holy shit. That was good. Do you always cum like that or was it because of me? Wait, don’t answer that, I don’t know if my ego can take it.”

You giggled, breathless, eyes traveling from the ceiling to between your legs where Gojo was sucking your slick off of his fingers, moaning at the taste.

“God, and you taste good too. Not fair!”

You both laughed. You sat up, reaching for him. He got up, complaining for a moment about his knees hurting before he leaned down to kiss you sweetly, his tongue prodding into your mouth. You opened up for him, deepening the kiss, moaning into him. You felt good, really good, and you wanted to keep things going.

You pulled away, staring up at him lustfully.

“Do you wanna keep going?” you asked, batting your eyelashes at him. He blushed, huffing out a laugh.

“God, I do, I really fucking do, but…” He sighed, hanging his head. “I don’t have any condoms.”

“That’s okay,” you replied quickly. “I’m on the pill.”

His head whipped up, almost busting your lip in the process.

“Really?! And you’re okay with having sex without a condom?” You nodded, making him smile. “Jeez, and here I thought you couldn’t get anymore perfect.”

He stood up, pulling his shirt off, revealing his chiseled physique. He undid his belt, eyeing you the whole time he pulled down his zipper and pushed his pants down. It was all very sexy until he tried to kick off his pants, tripping over them and stumbling to the side, catching himself on your nightstand. You covered your mouth, stifling your laughter. He chuckled as well, brushing himself off even though he was blushing hard.

Gojo joined you on the bed, helping you out of your shirt and bra, letting you lie down and relax against your pillow. He massaged your thighs as he spread them open.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” You nodded, humming in confirmation. He nodded back at you, holding the base of his cock and directing it towards your cunt. “Okay… I’m gonna put it in.”

He pushed the head of his cock into you, hissing quietly at the tight fit. He stopped once the head was in, glancing at you to make sure you were okay. When you nodded at him, he pushed in further, moving slow, steadily, purposefully. Once he bottomed out, he let out a shaky sigh, laughing lightly.

“You’re… you’re tighter than I thought,” he huffed, already out of breath as he met your gaze. “I-I’m gonna move now.”

He pulled back, leaving in just the tip before pushing back in slow, savoring every ribbed inch of your cunt. He pulled out again, pushing in faster, beginning a steady pace.

“Oh… Oh wow. You feel… so much better than I thought you would.”

“Yeah? You like it?” you asked, voice small and sweet.

“Mm-hm. Never thought I’d get to do this, ya know. I thought you’d reject me if I confessed to you.”

“Really?” you asked, eyes widening. He nodded, moving a little faster, making you moan. “I… I had a crush on you from the first moment we met…”

“You did?” You nodded, making him huff. “No way… no fucking way. You liked me all this time? You didn’t just wanna fuck me?”

“N-No… You’re so sweet and nice… I thought you were so cool, Gojo, too cool for me.”

“What? No way… If anything, you’re too cool for me.” He moved faster, making you bounce along the bed. “You’re so fucking smart. I don’t have a clue what’s happening in class half the time, but you do. And you’re so pretty too. You’re way out of my league.”

Your cunt clenched around him and he groaned, moving from his hands down to his forearms, leaning closer towards you. You moved forward and kissed him gently, making him moan in your mouth, tongues dancing as he slowed his pace just a bit. He savored feeling your lips against his, petting your hair, marveling at its texture. He pulled away to stare down at you as he started moving faster again, pumping his cock in and out of you, making you gasp.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he mumbled, glancing over your figure. “I love your body. I love your curves. You have no idea how many times I’ve jerked off thinking about you.”

“G-Gojo—”

“Please, call me Satoru. Wanna hear you say my name.” You swallowed, cupping his cheeks.

“S-Satoru… It f-feels good!”

“Yeah? Feels good? What feels good, baby?”

“Your cock… It feels so good inside me…”

“Yeah? Better than that silly dildo, right? Do I fuck you better than that little toy?”

“Mm-hm! So much better!”

His eyes rolled back and he thrust faster, hands traveling over your form. He palmed at your breast, pinching and pulling your nipple, making you whine. His mouth found your other nipple, sucking hard, making you perk up in his mouth. His tongue rolled around your nipple, mouth slobbering on it. He moved his mouth to your other nipple next, his hands moving to your belly, squeezing and molding it.

“You’re so fucking soft,” he whispered in disbelief. “How are you so fucking soft?”

“I mean… I-I moisturize…”

“But still… I’ve never felt skin as soft as yours. I kind of envy you,” he said with a laugh, making you laugh as well. “God, and your giggle. It’s so fucking cute. I just wanna bite you.” You bit your lip, looking up at him innocently.

“You… you can bite me… if you want…” His eyes widened.

“Fuck, say less.”

He dipped down towards your neck, kissing and licking at it before digging his teeth into you, biting down. You moaned at the feeling, his cock pumping even faster now that he was latched onto your neck. He sucked hard, hands rubbing your plush tummy as he fucked you harder. He pulled back with a loud ‘pop’, admiring the mark he left behind.

“Fuck, I… shit, I think I’m gonna cum. Can I cum in you, pretty thing? I know that’s a lot to ask, but I can’t fucking stand it.” You nodded quickly, moving your hand between your legs to rub your clit.

“Y-Yeah… you can cum in me.”

Satoru groaned, pushing your hand away and replacing it with his own, moving his fingers quickly to get you to the edge. You moaned, throwing your head back into the pillow, hips bucking up to meet his. You rocked against each other, moaning each other’s names, begging and pleading for God knows what as you simultaneously reached your highs. His hips lost their rhythm, moving faster, more erratically. The unpredictable rhythm made you climax, nails digging into Satoru’s pale back as you came. He followed right after, groaning low as he released inside you. He almost collapsed on top of you as he came, bracing himself on his forearms so he wouldn’t crush you. His hips twitched, the last bit of cum spilling from his cock and filling you up.

The two of you were panting, rubbing your noses against each other as you came down from your highs. He eventually pulled out, watching his cum leak from your abused cunt, smiling softly. He fell to your side, sighing, pulling you towards him and kissing your cheek.

“So,” he started, smiling at you, “guess you won’t be needing that dildo anymore, huh?”

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[bluesidez]

Gym Rat Miguel Part 13

content warning: alcohol, drugs, 18+ so MDNI, food play??, fellatio, cunnilingus

word count: 5.8k (YAY FOR MY BETA! @slushycoookie )

:)

Prev | Next ✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮ Masterlist

GymRat!Miguel who starts the week with hope in his heart.

He was reaching a new milestone in his life and he was really looking forward to seeing you. He’s even started to cross off the days on his calendar as he gets closer to the date. Never mind the fact that midterms were right around the corner.

At this point, the reserved rooms in the library had his and Xina’s name imprinted on the sign-up sheet. He was confident about his progress in his classes while Xina was triple checking everything.

“I swear to god if I don’t make at least a B on this, I’m going to do commit arson.”

“Do you have any gasoline?”

Xina threw her pencil at Miguel while he snickered and dodged.

GymRat!Miguel who noticed that Xina was taking a liking to these brighter sets. The shirt she was wearing right now looked a lot like the one you wore on you all’s anniversary.

GymRat!Miguel who has been texting you as much as he could because he knew your critiques were coming up. You’ve been sending him progress of your work and the occasional paint covered hand. He didn’t know how you got yellows and charcoal on your face, but it was cute and he saved every picture.

GymRat!Miguel who is laughing at his a clip that Gabriel sent him when Xina grits out his name.

“I know you might be free to live, laugh, love, or whatever, but some of us have tests coming up.”

Miguel places his phone down, “I have tests, too.”

“It doesn’t look like it.”

“What’s with you all of a sudden?”

“Nothing,” she breaks the lead of her pencil with how hard she’s writing across the page.

“Xina, I’m sure you’re going to do great on your tests. You’re stressing yourself out over nothing. If this is how you’re like now, the finals are going to take you out.”

“I really need to pass. Some of these tests are, like, 30% of the grade.”

“And like I said,” Miguel laid his head on the table. “You’re going to do great. Trust yourself a bit more.”

Xina flit her eyes from Miguel back to her notes, a flutter in her eyes.

GymRat!Miguel whose phone is on lockdown for the next two hours as per Xina’s request so he was now in line for snacks and drinks.

He was thinking about getting something sweet, a reward for finally finishing one of his papers and the write-up for his game.

“Migster! It’s such a coincidence seeing you here.”

Miguel tenses, that shrieking voice recognizable anywhere.

“Aaron,” he turns with a polite smile.

“Grabbing some munchies for you and your girlfriend? Where is she by the way?”

Miguel shifted his eyes to him in his peripheral and back to the bread on display.

“You’ve never seen my girlfriend.”

“Don’t act all shy, now!” Aaron nudges Miguel’s side to which he doesn’t budge. “You guys look cute together.”

He couldn’t recall a single moment where you picked him up from his robotic team meetings, the engineering building, or the science building where he could see it.

Miguel looked down at him and curled his lip a bit, “Are you stalking me?”

Aaron let out a bird-like laugh, voice making the people in front of him jump, “You’re really a riot. Dude, she’s always outside of the building waiting for you. She gave me an invite to your birthday party?”

He leans in even closer, “You’re not cheating on her are you?”

Miguel stepped forward, the line decreasing and Aaron following him like a lackey.

“That’s not my girlfriend.”

Aaron snickered, “Could have fooled me.”

GymRat!Miguel who returns to the private study room with a knot in his stomach.

He places down a sandwich and a latte for Xina and taps on his own cup of coffee.

“Can I have my phone back?”

Xina slid it back without a fight, “Don’t distract me.”

He checks his phone and it’s only emails from school and a reminder to buy protein powder.

He guesses you’re busy again.

GymRat!Miguel who fights through the beginning of the week just to breathe by the time his birthday gets here.

Peter wakes him up with a mini confetti cannon and a lit cupcake that almost burns through his comforter.

They both panic for a few seconds as they beat the life out of the fabric and Peter looks shameful before he runs to his last midterm.

GymRat!Miguel who sees that his brother has dropped a saxophone rendition of “In Da Club” and dedicated it to Miguel on his TikTok.

The comments are full of praise and begging to see Miguel.

GymRat!Miguel who doesn’t have any messages from you yet.

There’s two from his mom, one from his dad and Tyler, some sporadic messages from his abuela, celebratory words from The Geek Squad, an email from his Steam account, a bunch of messages from Xina, and nothing from you.

Miguel’s shoulders wilt, thumbs flicking through his phone.

The countdown he started stared back at him.

GymRat!Miguel who didn’t really do anything special outside of his normal routine.

Get up. Exercise. Breakfast. Rest. Think about you.

Was his last birthday this uneventful?

GymRat!Miguel who dresses up a bit for this party that Xina insisted on having.

He looks in the mirror and adjusts the chain on his neck and smooths down his jean jacket. He doesn’t feel any different from yesterday, but he does feel like a loser for moping all day.

He should be thankful that he has friends and family that reached out to him. He should be thankful that Tyler slid him a nice amount of cash. He should be thankful that Xina is going out of her way to celebrate with him.

He still wishes you would have called.

GymRat!Miguel who hears the party as he’s walking up the stairs to the apartment door. He doesn’t know what to expect, but knocks on the door with fated breath.

GymRat!Miguel who is pulled into the party and given the ugliest birthday hat he’s ever seen by a guy he vaguely remembers from the gym.

He turns to the crowd and shouts, “The Birthday Boy is here!”

Everyone in the room shouts and cheers, patting him on the back as he weaves through the sea of people.

A beer was placed in his hand and noisemakers were blown past his ears. He smiled a little at the chaos and yelled thank-you’s over the noise.

GymRat!Miguel who saw some familiar faces once he got to the living room of the apartment. Margo was inching further away from Aaron as he laughed at something with a grimace on her face.

She looked up as Miguel came closer and jumped from the couch.

“Miguel!” She gripped his shoulders. “I am so glad to see you here. Let’s go to the balcony.”

She uses Miguel like a bulldozer moving past people drinking and dancing.

As they make it outside, she thanks him.

“Aaron is entirely incapable of reading the room or shutting up. You just saved me from hearing him mansplain the mechanics of Mario Party while Doritos fall from his mouth.”

Miguel smiled apologetically as she shoved a gift bag in his hand.

“And this was a nice experience! But I want to catch a game update that happens at 2am, and I need some shut eye.”

“You’re leaving already?” Miguel huffs, weight shifting in his stance.

“I’m sorry, Miguel. I’ve been here for a while and there’s only so much grass I can take in my clothes before the shots wear off. Also, a couple has been eyeing me since I walked in, and the guy looks sinister. I’ve got to go home.”

Miguel furrowed his brow, “Need me to drive you home?”

“I’m ok. I’ll text you. Enjoy your gift!”

She hugs Miguel and books it, ribbons in her braids trailing after her.

He opens the bag and laughs when he catches the card with a dad joke staring back at him.

GymRat!Miguel who really has no clue who majority of the people standing around are.

He’s chatted with a few people and pushed away a couple of wandering hands, but outside of Margo and Ben, who was currently dancing on top of the table like a video vixen in between some girls, he hasn’t really found anyone.

There was a coarse smell that ran through the apartment. He wasn’t sure if it was because the amount of sweaty bodies pressing against each other or because of the mix of mango pineapple smoke and something else he couldn’t pick up.

The music was rattling his bones and the hairs on his skin were standing upright. Everywhere he turned, someone was there and the weight of it was becoming too much. His height could allow him relief if the ceiling didn’t feel like it was caving in.

He got to a bathroom, praying for a break, only to be met with someone sliding their nose across the counter and another person at their side sitting on the toilet. He closes the door with a panic and shuffles to the kitchen.

It’s a small break, the people lingering around the island laughing over red solo cups. He reached for his phone, heart pumping through his veins as he runs across your name in his phone.

“Nuh uh,” Miguel’s phone is snatched from his hands. He’s about to panic until he sees who it is. “Tonight, you’re living in the moment.”

“But-”

“No buts! Only shots and smiles!” Xina pocketed the device. “Now, let’s have some fun.”

She smiles at him and grabs his arm, chest pressing up against his as she leans towards his face. He can smell the alcohol on her breath before he attaches the back of his hand onto her face.

Xina stumbles back, “So I can’t kiss you on the cheek now, either?”

“No. You haven’t done that in years and you’re drunk right now. Give me my phone back, please.”

“At least enjoy the party a little first. There’s,” she glances over to the middle of the island, “was…cake for you.”

Miguel follows her gaze to a mostly eaten cake with a part of it with teeth marks. He turns back to Xina who is pouring a shot for him.

She hands him a cup, “Just another hour. Please? I haven’t even given you your gift yet.”

“Forty five minutes and I’m going back to my dorm.”

She jumps up at down, loose straps of her dress sliding down. She pulls Miguel into the crowd with laugh and a shriek.

GymRat!Miguel who tolerates the party for a little longer, but the more he’s here, the more he regrets agreeing to stay.

He lost the stupid hat he got when he came and the beer he had was long gone.

Xina is nowhere to be found for what feels like the fifth time and between her topping off his cup every time she sees him and the guy next to him that looks like he’s about to puke over the floor, Miguel wants out.

Three doors, two heated couples, and face down body in, he finds her room.

No one is here so he steps in and sighs. He sits on the bed and holds his face into his hands.

He could hear some people riling each other up just outside the door and the thumping of a bed against the wall. He checked his watch and saw he was well overdue for his escape.

And you still weren’t here.

GymRat!Miguel who jumps up when the door bursts open, a wide-eyed Xina lighting up.

“Were you waiting for me?” her voice is drawn out, dress haphazard. She hops onto the bed and stretches out with a lazy smile.

“Xina, give me my stuff. I’m not asking again.”

“Ooh, touchy,” she takes his phone from her bra with a pout. “I can’t believe you’re still so tense with all of the alcohol.”

He’s been letting it splash out of his cup all night.

“Some people can hold their liquor,” he takes his phone and checks it. Still, nothing. “I’m leaving. Good night.”

Xina whines out a no as she reaches for him.

“Don’t go,” her words get stuck in her throat. “It’s your big day.”

Miguel looks back her, the colors in her face changing from warm to cool. He grabs a trash can from the side of the room and places it at her beside.

“Get to the bathroom if you can, Xi,” he makes quick work to clip her hair up with a lone butterfly claw. “I’ll check on you later.”

As he slips through the door as the sound of her hurling gets drowned out by the packed apartment.

GymRat!Miguel who is standing outside of the apartment by the stairs and leaning on the wall to catch his breath.

It was all too much.

He wonders how know one has come with a noise complaint yet.

He walks down the steps, the tenseness in his neck amplifying.

“Miguel!”

The way he perks up is almost comical.

You’re standing by his car with a gift bag in your hand and a worried look on your face. He hurries to you and engulfs you in a hug, sticking his nose in the top of your scalp.

“Baby, I thought you forgot.”

“How could I forget?” you push him a little. “And you smell really loud. Were you about to drive back like this?”

“I promise I only drank a beer and a shot-“

“And how come you weren’t answering the phone? I’ve been blowing it up all night. And your location is off.”

Miguel groans, “Xina took my phone.”

“Why does she have your phone? Why did she take your phone?” the tone of your voice was sharp.

“She wanted me to enjoy myself tonight,” Miguel rubbed your shoulders, trying to get you to take the wrinkle from between your eyebrows. “‘M sorry.”

You clicked your tongue and pushed his hands off of your shoulders. Miguel called your name like a plea as you walked around his car to the driver’s side.

“Sorry isn’t enough, Miguel. Something could have happened to you. My mind was going everywhere.”

Miguel followed behind, hands floating and wanting to touch, but not wanting to make you madder.

You turned to him with an irritated look and he shot his hands down.

Even when you’re mad, you’re pretty. Your lips curled up and moved a mile a minute and he just wanted to kiss you. You looked so cozy in your sweater and baggy pants. He wanted to bury his head in your chest and hold you for a while.

Your fingers waved in front of Miguel’s face, “Earth to Miguel. Are you listening to me?”

“Mm hm, I-. We…yes.”

A slew of profanities from one of the apartment balconies passed over you both, the silence between you growing.

You turn your palm over, “Give me the keys. You’re not driving.”

“But I’m fine! I can drive.”

“You’re literally dozing off standing up.”

“That’s because you’re gorgeous, bebé.”

You roll your eyes while Miguel smiles at you and crowds you against the door.

“No. No and no,” you shove his face as he laughs. “Stop being cute and hand over the keys. I’m mad at you right now.”

“No te enojes,” he whispers as your eyes peer up over your glasses. “I don’t want you to be.” (Don’t be mad)

You squish his face in between your hands.

“Then go to the passenger side.”

GymRat!Miguel who sits petulantly in his seat while you try your best to navigate back to his dorm.

“Baby, watch the curb-“

“Miguel, I see the curb. I’m not going to hit it.”

“Ok, but slow-“ his body jerks while as you slam the breaks, “down.”

“I’m driving perfectly, but you should remember this moment so that it doesn’t happen again.”

Miguel’s eyes shifted from the narrow road in front of him to your profile, heart full.

“And how do you drive this big ass thing everyday anyway?”

“I’m a big guy, for starters.”

“Stop talking.”

“Claro, hermosa.”

GymRat!Miguel who grips your hand tight as he brings you back to his dorm.

You’re still fussing at him, but your tone has shifted to a softer one. You wanted him to understand how scared you were.

GymRat!Miguel who is ready to pounce on you once you step into his room but you stop him with a wish for him to take a shower first.

“And then maybe we can cuddle.”

He starts hopping on one foot as he yanks his clothes off one by one, feet tripping over each other as he runs towards the bathroom.

GymRat!Miguel who walks into the room with clouds of steam behind him and a towel wrapped around his lower half.

You’re sitting on the bed with your pants on the floor, a blanket covering you, and Miguel has half the mind to dive on top of you.

As he gets closer, you look up from your phone with a glint in your eyes, “Where are your clothes at?”

“I just took a shower.”

He stands beside the bed staring at you, waiting. You scoot over closer to the wall to give him some room.

“How was the party?” you ask, trying your best to ignore your boyfriend’s muscles relaxing and tensing as he stat down. He tugged you in, laying your head against his chest and your fingers twitched as you thought about squeezing it.

“I hated every bit of it.”

“What happened?”

He maneuvered you so that you were straddling his thighs, your glasses almost falling off in the process.

“It didn’t really feel like a party for me,” Miguel fixes your glasses for you, tucking the handle back over your ear. “There were a lot of people, most of which I didn’t know. Xina was also on and off all night. And you weren’t there.”

“I tried, Miguel, I really did. But my calls weren’t going through. I thought your phone was off or something. Plus, I was getting all of your gift together.”

“What you’d get?”

He has a vice grip on your hips as you lean over to grab the bag from the floor.

You place the gift in front of you, the top of almost hiding Miguel from your view.

His hand flies for the top, throwing the red tissue paper everywhere. He reaches into the bag and grabs the first thing, a bottle of oil with a small note attached.

He looks confused before you explain yourself, “I know sometimes after your bigger workouts, your muscles get tense. This is for when I’m with you and can work those out. It smells really good too. And it’s mostly there because the massage gun I ordered didn’t come in yet.”

Miguel’s grin widens, “This is better.” His mind is short circuiting thinking about you in a masseuse scrub that hugs your body leaning over his back. Or maybe no clothes. He wants that.

You tilt the bag and he pulls out some shirts to which you hold up against his skin after you place the bag to the side.

“I think these will fit nicely,” you nod to yourself more than anything. Miguel likes the texture of it and whatever you think looks good on him.

“Thank you.”

“There’s two more things.”

He rummages through the bag again and pulls out a small box. His eyes focuses on the words.

“Is this,” he flips the box around, “us?”

You nod without saying a word.

In his hands, he holds a blind box that you made, the outside decorated in hearts and stars with your names combined together on the tab.

“This is one of the things that took me so long. I was making it from scratch.”

It was a little figure of you both inside from one of the nights of the yacht party. You made the chocolate boat come to life coupled with the red outfits you were both wearing.

Miguel stares up at you in awe, “I love it. I love it so much.”

“I’m glad. I was scared it was too cliché.”

“To who? I’m going to put it on display and project it on the wall.

He spun the figure around in his hand taking in every detail. You got everything right down to the way his hair fell. Even the box had pictures of figures from other dates and meetups.

“I would like to collect them all.”

“That requires at least two and a half more birthdays.”

GymRat!Miguel who watched you brace him for the last gift.

“Why are you so nervous? What is it?”

“Just, don’t laugh. Actually, no, you’re supposed to laugh. I was delirious when I made it.”

He pulled out a blue box with a transparent top, watching as you spun your thumbs in circles. As he untied the ribbon around it, he could see why you looked like you were about to pounce to the other end of the bed.

In the box lay a bunch of cookies in the shapes of hearts and stars to match the blind box. The ones on top are plain with holes in the middle.

He pulls one out.

“‘Birthday Blows?’”

You seal your lips tight as he reads over the rest of the cookies.

“‘Let Me Crumb On Your Face-’”

“It’s a gag gift-“

“Then let’s do it.”

“What?”

GymRat!Miguel who ensured you that the gift was perfect. At least the movement under his towel showed that he was serious.

Now, he’s sitting against the headboard doing something he’d never thought he would do.

“You’re laughing,” Miguel throbs while you sit back and cackle at his state. “There’s a chocolate chip cookie stuck on my dick, and you’re laughing.”

“I’m sorry!” your shoulders shake as you push up your glasses. “I thought the hole would be big enough when I made it. I underestimated you. I also wasn’t expecting you to actually want to use it.”

Miguel twitched as you pushed the cookie down further, the inside of it melting from the heat. Your eyes were sparkling the longer you stared at him.

“A-Amor, we’ve been apart for too long because you should know that all you have to do is mention it once and I’m in.”

“So,” you rub a finger over the tip and like magic, Miguel was sure to follow. You shuffle your position on the bed watching him get harder. “All this took was an explanation?”

Miguel stuttered out a yes as you ghosted your fingers over his inner thighs. His breath hitched as your gaze stayed on him.

Your sweater was pooling over your shoulders and your thighs filled the space in between his.

You bent and took a bite out of the cookie, humming as the taste hit your tongue. Your fingers dig into his thighs as you lean back up.

“That’s delicious,” you chew with your hand covering your mouth. “I think I did a really good job.”

He moves your hand and follows.

“I wanna try.” Miguel whispers. He’s staring at you with heavy eyes. You smile softly and kiss his cheek, his face leaning into your lips.

You bend down and take another piece, Miguel trailing you as come up to his face. He opens his mouth, eyes going from yours to your lips as you place the piece on his tongue. The sweetness explodes in his mouth once the chocolate hits his senses.

You take a hand to the side of his face as he chews, kissing his lips and licking a crumb off. Your other hand runs up his chest, squeezing at it as you take your lips to his neck.

Miguel groans as you suck his skin, nails scratching lightly behind his ear. His hands grip the back of your t-shirt, fabric stretching in his hold.

You feel him swallow and you kiss near his adam’s apple.

“C’mere,” Miguel guides your face back to his. His kiss is desperate as he opens your mouth, moaning when he can still taste the sugar on your tongue.

Your hands warm him up as they move from his neck to his shoulders, thighs shaking when he holds your tongue in between his lips.

“Let me,” your breaths hits his lips, a whine coating your words, “let me finish.”

He continued to leave long kisses over your mouth, “Keep going, then.”

As you moved to bent to take another bite, Miguel knew you were barely holding on. He feels your breath shudder over him as you take another bite.

His mind was hazy as he watched you focus on freeing him. The heat from your face was radiating off of you and your lips were shining, glasses keeping a tiny fog at the corners.

He grit his teeth as you slid the remainder of the cookie up and off. Your tongue followed the line of chocolate along his shaft, glasses becoming crooked. A dribble of pre-cum escape’s Miguel and he trembles as he watches it blend on your tongue. He still has a mind to take the cookie out of your hand and back on the plastic bag it came out of, your mind too preoccupied to continue your endeavor.

You arch your back, shirt riding up as you take his head into your mouth. Miguel just about cries when you hollow your cheeks. The moonlight coming through the curtains leaves cool lines on your body as if he guided it.

Miguel smooths your hair back as you sink onto him deeper, a load moan escaping Miguel’s throat when you pump him with another hand.

It’s messy and fervent watching you try your best to catch every drop of him and clean the chocolate from your hands and his skin.

Your name is on the roof of his mouth as your lips connect to your grip on him.

What’s more is that your other hand reaches in between your thighs, the sound of you mixing with your hums and constricting throat.

“Mi sol,” Miguel feels like the stars are falling into his room. “Amor, bebé, I can’t take it.”

Everything was overwhelming in the best way possible.

The vision of your body before him, from the way your hips folded onto your thighs to the way your ass moved as you bobbed up and down, was perfect. The way your lips swole to sink onto him felt amazing and your fingers moving from him to yourself only moved him more.

You only moan as you move your hand from his length to the place below, holding him in your grasp. The sound of your throat gagging as you take him all in at once pulls him to the edge. He’s loud enough to where you know his neighbors heard.

A swallow or two before he lifts your head off of him, torso bowing and arching. He springs, convulsing as cum lands on your glasses.

“Shit,” he cries as you kiss the tip, mouth leaving flutters all the way down. Just as always, his mind can’t help but to think, “you’re so pretty.”

His core is sore but it’s nothing that you can’t fix. He takes your glasses off and pulls you up. He replaces your hand on yourself with his, mouth quick to taste him on your lips. Your hands grip at his shoulders as he flips your positions.

He yanks your underwear off, reveling in the way the fat of your thighs move. He wastes no time in bending your body up, one knee digging into the bed and the other foot on the ground as he lodges his face into you.

“Miguel!” you grip onto the edge of the twin mattress trying to find your balance as he starts to indulge in you in place of the cookies.

You’re already so wet and it excites him. He’s sucking your clit in slow motions, rubbing his tongue over the nub at a steady tempo. Your eyebrows are furrowed as your sweater scrunches up.

Miguel grips his arms around your thigh on his shoulders, fingers kneading the flesh. You try to muffle yourself as the sound of Miguel slurping you up gets louder and louder.

“My neck, baby,” you sigh through your whines. Your hands hit the bed then grip his hair and you feel fireworks going off.

He only kneels on the ground, holding your hips so you don’t slide off of the edge. He quickens his pace, tongue sliding into your entrance.

You shake and bend around him as he digs his head deeper, groaning as his forehead meets your stomach.

The ceiling is blurry, your brain not knowing whether to focus on the building slick going down Miguel’s chin or the vibration of his voice thumbing through you.

It could also be his buzzing phone that keeps drifting next to you.

Ignoring it is almost impossible, the feeling of it becoming irritating.

You take his phone in your hand, eyes focusing on the blue light and the pit of your stomach drops when the name flashes across the screen.

“Miguel, stop.”

He looks up like a deer in headlights, face flushed and doused.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something off?”

You shove the phone his face, legs pushing off of him to get away, “I don’t know. You tell me.”

He catches the phone as you sit and opens it. You look over to see what feels like a thousand messages from Xina.

“whete did you to?”

“I can’t bepkwvw you lert mr here”

“Mkguel”

“mgel”

“answer the freaki b phohe”

“I knoq you’ee sgull uo”

“come bacl to ny riom”

“k feel ndytee now”

“beter”

“better”

“i missss u”

“You were in her room?” the bed sheets make a peculiar sound under your palm.

“Only to get away from the party and to look for my phone. She came in afterwards. These,” he places the phone on the bed, “these aren’t what they look like.”

“Then what the fuck does it look like? Because to me, it looks like you’re a liar.”

Miguel’s mouth gapes open and he flounders, not knowing what to say that’ll make you see the truth.

“God,” you climb off of the bed and head to bathroom. He crawls into a run after you, tight on your heels. “I feel so fucking stupid.”

“Amor-”

“Don’t. Just don’t.”

“Baby, please, just listen to me.”

“I’ve been listening to you for weeks, trusting you for weeks, and look where it’s gotten me! You let your ‘friend’ run you and belittle me, so we don’t have to do this shit anymore.”

Miguel’s heart sank as he watched you wipe away at your skin furiously. A stutter fights the words leaving him, “W-What are you saying?”

You brush past him and snatch your clothes from the floor. His strides are wide to meet you.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you’re getting what you want.”

“What are you talking about? I-I don’t understand.”

“This has been going on nonstop. Outside of school, when we rain checked, it was her. When we made plans, you’re always mentioning her. You’re spending every moment with her. I’ve been texting and calling you all fucking day, and you say your phone is with her.”

Your fingers press into his chest with every pronoun, his face crumbling at your words.

“I waited things out because I didn’t want to be the girlfriend that makes herself sick over every girl that passes you by, but this is making me insane.”

He says your name with a crack in his voice, “You don’t have to worry about her. I’ll talk to her. I’ll sort things out.”

You pick up your phone and dial a number, waiting only second before the call drops. You do it again, and turn the phone to his face. His name in your phone is there in all caps, one ring, and the call doesn’t go through.

“What was that again about sorting shit out?”

He pinched his brow, lost.

“You can be so,” you looked around like the word was in the room, “stupid sometimes.”

The settings on his phone are opened to his blocked contacts, your name the only one on the list.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and almost laughed in disbelief at the situation. Your throat was tight as you looked straight at the wall.

“I didn’t do this!”

“Then who did, Miguel?” you wiped a tear from your face just as fast as it fell. You trudged towards the door, limbs heavy as Miguel pulled at them, a bubble of no’s coating air.

“Let me go.”

“Then please don’t go. I don’t know how this happened, but none of it’s true. We can talk. I-I love you. I need you. Mi amor, por favor no me dejas.” (My love, please don’t leave.)

Your sweater almost rips as you pull his arms from around you and grab the door knob, a sob growing at the bottom of your jaw.

“Wipe your fucking face,” was all you said in response as you slammed the door after you.

Miguel watched the door rattle against the hinges in horror, cheeks burning with tears as he scrambled to put some pants on.

He hit his knee as he made a run for the exit, hoping to catch you before you got back to your own dorm. The chill of the autumn night shocking his skin.

The sidewalk was empty, only the scuttle of dry leaves going across the pavement.

In the dark, stood this weeping man who felt like a boy, lost and heaving out, no hope in his heart.

divider by: kodaswrld + adornedwithlight 🩵

a/n: Trying to update and format this on my phone is so infuriating. And also it took a lot of planning to get here.

The taglist has reached the max number! If you want updates, check my blog, turn on post notifs, or subscribe to it on AO3! (Although, I’ll have to clean this one up because some blogs aren’t here anymore!)

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[silentglassbreak]

hi bestie is it too late to request? you said you liked writing angst, well, i love reading it 💔💔painfully unrequited love!!!!! gimme gimme

friends with benefits with (overly affectionate!!!!) Noah and reader who falls sick to her stomach head over heels in love with him. blurring the lines between sex and love.

going to a bad omens concert however long after and it’s like they’re strangers oOF rip my heart out and stomp on it idc. been listening to Novocaine on a loop all day. i’m not okay

feel to totally disregard if you’re not feeling it angel <33 thank you bby I love your writing 🥺🥺

Angst............. UGH I've been WAITING babes. My goal is to rip your heart out...fair fucking warning. MMMLOVEYOUUUUU. After Writing Notes: I'm the actual worst. I hope you don't hate it!

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: smut, heartbreak, lots and lots of angst

Can You Feel My Heart

Love languages are such a strange concept, aren't they? That seems to be a fairly new idea that someone came up with in the last decade or so?

If you like to buy love...your love language is gifting.

If you can't communicate well...your love language is affection.

If the only way you know how to show feelings is with sex...your love language is intimacy.

At what point are we allowed to call someone out for being a dick? At what point are we allowed to confront the fact that someone is skipping around the idea of commitment, and ask them to just admit what they really want?

This wasn't the first time these thoughts had danced around my head, in the wee hours of the morning, while Noah's arm laid heavy across my waist, him snoozing behind me.

Noah and I had been friends since we were seven years old. We met on the playground at the park in the center of the neighborhood of our small town in West Virginia. He told me he liked my butterfly hair clips, and I let him have the blue one. He wore it in his hair every day for three weeks.

He grew up in a broken home, only his Mom around most of his years, and even then - that relationship was...strained. So many nights he had snuck into my bedroom window, curling up next to me, tears free falling down his cheeks. We never talked about why, but it didn't take a psychic to figure it out.

He moved in with his Grandmother when he was fourteen, and even though he lived in the next town over, he still made it a point to take the city bus to me every day after school, even when he dropped out.

We were never more than twin flames, incapable of existing without each other, moral support for the other during any type of hardship. Looking back, I guess that was what built our serious dependence issues.

"I can't live without you, Y/N. I'll die if I ever lose you."

"No you won't Noah, don't be stupid."

He was stupid. As stupid as they come, because when I turned eighteen, and started college, he had paid one of his friends to drive him all the way up to Columbus to see me. He showed up at the door of my dorm, drunk and broken, blathering on about how only having been away from me for a week had killed him, and he needed to see me.

That was the first night he kissed me, and I let him.

As most people do when having grown up with someone so closely, I had developed an attachment to Noah very early on. I first recognized it when he turned twelve, and started skateboarding. He would insist on trying to teach me how, despite my undeniable clumsiness. His hands would grip my hips, his face so close to my ear, and his chest pressed to my back. He would talk in this deep voice, his puberty hitting early. I was awe-struck.

He was my best friend, sure. But he belonged to me, that's what he always said.

Even when he had girlfriends, I always came first. Dates would get cancelled for me; plans changed. Hell, he even blew off one girl whose birthday fell on the same day as mine. I was his priority. I was his person.

So when he leaned in to me, sitting on the edge of my mattress in the dorm, liquor stained-breath against my face, I just closed my eyes and let it happen.

He spent the night with me, and had to leave early. Vowing to come back, he never broke his word.

There he was the following weekend, sober this time, with snacks, DVDs, and a week’s worth of clothes. I managed to hide him in my room for four days before the dorm advisor caught him.

The second day he was there was the first time we had sex. I was a virgin, and he was not. That hurt me, sure. Not enough to deny him what was rightfully his. I belonged to Noah, body and soul. He took his time, walked me through it, and gave me the best possible experience I could expect. It hurt, and it was weird, but a sense of relief washed over me.

We had finally crossed that threshold. We had sex three times that week, until he was forced to leave.

That's when the words left his mouth.

"We need to talk."

That conversation broke something inside of me. He loved me, but he didn't love me. He was honored to have been allowed to give me something so meaningful, but he could never see me as more than his best friend. Our friendship was too important, and he wouldn't even allow himself to entertain the idea of jeopardizing that. He had made up his mind, and he couldn't have feelings for me.

It was with the heaviest heart imaginable, I sucked back my tears, painted an easy smile on my face, and held his hands in mine.

"I totally understand, Noah. No worries! We can just have fun, you know?"

And that was it. We were stuck in this sick, frozen place for the last two years. I was about to finish my Associates in Columbus, and hoped to become pre-med at Boston U, but Noah didn't know that yet. I could never figure out how to tell him.

Noah Davis was this heavy, bright flame that I was desperately afraid to extinguish. He had formed a band right after our arrangement began, and he was twenty-four hours away from leaving on their first major tour that would take him around the entire country, and then across the Atlantic to Europe.

How could I tell him that while he was gone, I was likely moving even further, and starting my life without him?

I didn't want to live without him, but he was leaving, and I couldn't sit and wait forever...

I breathed out a sigh, the light beginning to stream in the window of my one-bedroom apartment. He needed to wake up, drive home, and make sure he was ready to leave tomorrow. It was only 6AM, so I knew he'd be cranky, but I couldn't put this off any longer.

“Noah?” I breathed out his name. He groaned in response. “You’ve got to get up. You have to get ready to head home.”

"Mm, ten more minutes." I rolled my eyes, and began sliding out from underneath him.

His arm locked, and held me in place. I giggled, and saw as he turned his face, one eye cracking open. "Don't get up. It's too early."

I narrowed my eyes. "I have class at 8AM."

Noah used his strength against me, pulling my body to him and holding me tight so I couldn't get up. This only made me laugh louder.

"You don't need to get up for another hour."

"Not if I want to shower."

He sighed into the pillow. "So crazy, cause I don't think you do."

I rolled my eyes. "Dude, you've got to get home. Nick will kill us both if you're not ready in time."

"I'm not scared of her." He smirked, and I smacked his arm.

"Shut up. And get off me!"

He stuck his bottom lip out, pouting heavily.

"Not going to work. C'mon." I wriggled hard enough to break his grip, and sat up, stretching my arms over my head. He sat up as well, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

I pulled a robe over myself, turning to look at him as he scrolled through his phone, checking messages.

"Coffee?" I asked, and he threw a thumbs up at me.

I left the room, headed for the kitchen, trying to keep my breathing even. I had very little time left.

Filling the pot with water, I felt his arms wrap around me from behind, his face burying in my neck.

"I don't want to go. I'm going to miss you so much."

I leaned into the touch, taking anything I could at this point. "I know. I'll miss you more."

He scoffed. "Not a chance."

Holding me for a few more moments, he let go to head to the fridge, pulling out the bagels and cream cheese, and plopping down at the dining table. I continued my work of preparing our coffee.

"Hey, uh," I started, keeping my voice as calm as I could. "there's something I wanted to chat with you about."

I turned around, two hot mugs in my hand. He was spreading the cream on a bagel, already having prepared one for me. I sat next to him at the table.

"What's up?" He didn't look up at me.

"I told you I had been trying to decide where to start medical school?" He just nodded in response. "Well, I find out today if I got into Boston."

He halted, his eyes snapping up to me. "Boston?"

I took a sip of coffee. "They've got the best med program on the East coast-"

He cut me off. "Since when were you looking on the East coast?"

His tone was darkening. This was going to go about as well as I expected.

"Since I realized I had a chance. Noah, my GPA and scholar program gives me a real shot."

He grit his teeth, setting his bagel down. "Boston is far, Y/N."

I kept calm, setting my mug down as well. "I know."

"So, why would you want to be so far away?"

"Well, you're going far too, Noah. Your first show is in San Diego."

He sat back in his chair. "Yeah, but the last one puts me right back here in Columbus for a month before I go overseas."

I nodded. "I know. I'll still be here, then. You get back six weeks before the end of the semester."

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You can't go to Boston."

There was a finality to his tone, and something about it made my insides flinch with irritation.

"Oh no? And if I do?"

"You can't."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Can't? And since when do you tell me what I can and can't do?"

He rolled his eyes, standing from the table and walking over to the trash, binning the half of his bagel he didn't eat. "We can't be that far away from each other."

Lifting my eyebrows, I stood as well, crossing my arms. "And why is that, Noah?"

He leaned back against the counter. "Y/N, you know why."

"What? So you have someone to fuck whenever you want? Whenever one of your little groupies isn't around?"

His eyes popped open, then. "What?"

"You heard me." My tone was deadly, matching my stare at him.

"You really think the only reason I want you close is because of the sex?" He seemed truly stunned.

"Well, why else would you want me around?" I threw my hands up, walking back down the hallway toward my bedroom. I could hear his footfall behind me. I just continued, stepping into the closet to get dressed.

"What is that supposed to mean? I always want you around."

Rolling my eyes, I clasped my bra on and popped my head out to look at him. "Noah, I'm convenient for you. Unless you have any other valid reasons to keep coming over, I don't know why else it matters."

His jaw dropped open. "That is not true."

Pulling my shirt on, I scoffed. "Please, dude. Spare me the act, okay?"

"What act?"

I pulled my jeans on, buttoning them before stepping out to face him again. "The 'you're my person, and I can't lose you' act." I quoted myself. Something about that pissed him off, because he crossed his own arms and stared me down.

"The fuck are you getting at, Y/N?"

I shook my head, brushing past him, and walked toward the bathroom.

"Noah," I turned to look directly at him. "we've been at this for years. It's kind of old, don't you think?"

His face softened slightly. "We had an agreement."

I nodded. "You're right, we did. Just sex, for the sake of our friendship. That's what you wanted."

"I thought that's what we wanted."

Waving a hand between us, I took a step toward him. "Oh no, Noah. That's what you wanted. Not me."

He was silent, then.

"I wanted more. I always have. I thought that had become clear over the years, but I fucking guess not." I could hear my voice raising a few octaves. "You didn't give me a choice. You came in, broke that boundary, and then put it right back up again. And I stayed, just so I wouldn't lose you."

I could feel the tears beginning to well in my eyes.

His voice came out small, then, his hands now buried in his pockets.

"What do you want from me, Y/N?"

I sighed, letting one tear escape. "I want you to love me."

He pulled his hands out, stepping toward me and taking one of mine. I let him.

"I do love you!"

I stared at him, my teeth ground together. "Do you? The way I love you?"

Noah was a lot of things. He was brilliant, funny, generous, dedicated. He had the most redeeming qualities of anyone I knew.

And sure, he could be stupid. But not that stupid.

He had known how I felt about him. Of course he did. That was why I kissed him every chance I got. Why I always let him in. Why I never dated anyone else. Why I stayed all this time.

But here? In this moment? He was the biggest idiot I knew, because he dropped my hand, his eyes falling with it, and took a step backward.

"I..." He huffed out a breath, looking back up at my tear-stained face. "I can't. I'm sorry."

I averted my eyes, then. I could feel myself breaking, crumbling right before him.

"You need to leave, Noah."

I could feel he wanted to pull back to me, like a moon in orbit of a planet. Gravity. But he didn't. He just stepped back toward the doorway.

"What does this mean?" I heard his voice, but wouldn't meet his eyes.

I sniffed hard, trying like hell to keep myself upright.

"It means you go on tour. Be who you are, Noah. And I'll be who I am. Without each other."

His body shifted, but I was stone, unmoving.

"I can't lose you." I heard him let out a light, sarcastic laugh. "I'll die."

I let myself laugh at that.

"No you won't, Noah. Don't be stupid."

7 Years Later

Residency is going to kill me. I may actually die in pursuit of this God awful career I've chosen. I was three years in to a five year program, intending to finish in General Practice, but until that time, I was just an idiotic twenty-seven year-old with no life, no sleep, and no clean fucking clothes to wear.

Every resident gets exactly forty-eight hours of paid time off every three months, and I had not taken mine in over a year. I finally had taken all of my hours - six days total - off of work, and after spending the entire first day sleeping, I was due to meet with Raylene in an hour.

Ray and I met at the beginning of residency, and quickly gotten close. We managed to find an affordable apartment together within walking distance of the hospital, and spent any rare free time we had together. She was currently at her boyfriend's place, spending some much needed time with him, before we went out for the evening.

I was digging through my unfolded laundry, trying to find something not too wrinkled or stained to wear tonight. Ray had told me we were going to a concert for a band she had recently discovered, but she didn't tell me who it was. I didn't care, to be honest. Existing somewhere other than the Emergency Room or my own bed sounded heavenly.

Finally settling on a deep red cropped t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and the Vans I rarely got to wear, I straightened my hair and applied what little makeup I could. I set out of the building to the waiting vehicle downstairs, Ray practically hanging from the passenger window.

"You look so fine!"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Sure. Like I might've slept in the last two weeks?"

She chortled back at me, leaning in her seat once I was in the car. I waved hello to her boyfriend Sean, and gazed at Ray.

"So, Tyler isn't coming."

She frowned at me. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "Said he had a case he was working on, and he really couldn't spare the time."

She rolled her eyes. "Typical lawyer. Too busy for anyone but his clients."

Tyler and I had been dating for about six months now. Maintaining a relationship while having jobs as busy as ours was difficult, but he somehow managed to work it out. He would pop in when he knew I had breaks to bring me food, or have me spend nights off at his place, massaging my neck and helping me get caught up on my favorite series. He was an honest man. A good man.

I liked him.

Right?

It's so hard to tell what's like and what's convenient when you live your life exhausted and overworked, so I didn't have a lot of time to question it.

"Bummer for him. I'm so excited to see this show!" Ray was beaming in the front seat.

"Yeah, who are we seeing, anyway?"

"A band called ERRA. They're opening for a bigger headliner, who I've heard are pretty good too."

I nodded. "I've never heard them."

"It's rock. Metal, really." Sean chimed in, and I acknowledged him silently, looking out of the window.

My mind zoned out while we drove to the House of Blues. Ray and Sean chatted idly up front, but I was just enjoying the fact that I was finally out of the house for once.

That is, until we walked into the venue. The banner poster stared at me, the photographs of the band mocking me...

Bad Omens...they were the headliner.

Memories flooded back to my brain, my insides clenching at the visions.

I hadn't spoken to him since that day...that last day in my apartment. When he left, and never looked back. I didn't even keep in touch with the rest of the guys, for fear that I would be sucked back into the maelstrom that was Noah Davis...

“Y/N?” I turned to see Ray stood behind me, noticing my reaction. “You okay?”

My mind wasn’t comprehending what I was seeing. There’s no way that was them? The last time I had heard of the band, they were one-of-four supporting bands on much larger headliners. Now, they were selling out tickets at their own tour? Seven years was a long time…but how had they gotten this popular?

I wondered this, as if I didn’t know how wildly talented those boys were. Aside from Noah, Nicky, Jolly, and Nick Folio were some of the most intelligent and creative minds I had known. They all brought something special to that band, but I would have never expected this.

Huh. Guess he could live without me after all?

Something bitter crept into the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down, staring at his photograph on the poster.

“Yeah,” I tore my eyes away for a second to look at Raylene. “sorry, I’m fine. Just didn’t realize Bad Omens was the headliner.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You’ve heard of them?”

I pulled my lips to the side. Did I want to tell her?

“Long time ago.”

I couldn’t get past how different he looked in the picture. Last time I saw Noah, his hair was halfway down his back, he was skinny, and he had the thinnest little mustache growing on his upper lip.

In these promo pictures, however, his hair was short, not even reaching his ears, he looked much more muscular, and he had no facial hair. He also had many more tattoos than I remembered. That wasn’t surprising. Noah was a tattoo addict from a very young age.

Jolly had let his hair grow and had the cutest goatee on his chin. Nicky looked almost exactly the same. And Nick, bless his heart, had grown into such a handsome guy. They all looked so grown, so serious and broody. It almost made me giggle, knowing how goofy these guys were in real life.

Noah looked the most stunningly different from the rest. Not only did his entire appearance change, but his eyes…something in them was just so much darker. That harsh flame I had once known was so dim. It almost hurt to see. Almost.

We were making our way out to the pit of the GA floor. I had decided to get myself a cocktail to take the edge off. I didn't plan to come face-to-face with him, and likely wouldn't even get the opportunity to get a good look at him period, but still...just knowing we were in the same room made my throat tighten. I washed it down with Vodka and cranberry juice, hoping the warmth of the liquor would unfreeze my nerves.

The first band, Invent Animate, was entertaining enough. Very interactive with the crowd and high-energy. I found it pleasant, but couldn't get myself to focus long enough to notice what they were singing about. I struggled to breathe, the set ending, and knowing I was one hour closer to seeing his face.

During the intermission, Ray excused herself to the restroom, and I stood with Sean, feeling dizzier as the moments passed.

"Hey, I think I'm going to step out for a second. Get some air."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You okay? Want me to come with?"

I shook my head. "Nah, don't want you to miss the band you guys came to see. I'll be back."

He nodded, patting me on the shoulder before I weaved in and out of the crowd. I discarded my plastic cup in a trash can before exiting out into the main lobby. I found a spot on the wall near the doors that was unoccupied, and leaned against it, letting my eyes close and my breathing even out.

When I opened my eyes, I searched the room, looking for nothing specific. I landed on the merch tables, and saw someone oddly familiar talking to the lead singer of the last band we had watched...

The liquid courage is what carried me in that direction, smiling to myself.

He stood with his hair pulled back, as usual, and was talking with his hands. Same as he always did.

"Nicky Ruffilo..." I said loud enough to hopefully catch his attention, my hands now grasping the edge of the table.

His head snapped over to look at me, his brows knit together curiously. I could tell he was putting it together.

"No fucking way..." His voice sounded the same as it always had. "Y/N?!"

My teeth flashed at him, and he circled the table to approach me, his arms pulling me into a tight hug.

"Jesus Christ, I didn't recognize you!" That was fair.

Since the last time I had seen any of the guys, I had bleached my hair a pale blonde, lost twenty-five pounds, and had grown two cup sizes. I was, for all intents and purposes, an entirely different person.

"Yeah, well I absolutely recognized you." I said as I gripped his shirt, squeezing him tight.

"How long has it been?" He asked, pulling back to look at me.

"Uh," I thought for a moment. "seven-ish years?"

Nick's eyes were in disbelief, an amazed leer on his face. "God damn, girl. I can't believe it."

I pointed to the banner above his head. "Headlining now, huh? That's amazing!"

He smiled, proudly. "Yeah, we've worked really hard. A lot's changed."

My eyes fell on Noah's face on the poster. "I can see that."

I could tell he was pondering, a question hanging on the edge of his tongue. It was the most obvious question, so I answered for him.

"He doesn't know I'm here."

He nodded, leaning an arm on the table comfortably. "Ah, okay. You didn't want him to?"

I snorted. "I didn't even know I'd be here. My friends came to see ERRA, and that's when I realized you guys were here."

"Makes sense." He had crossed his arms. "Do you want him to know?"

Contemplating this, I let my face fall to get away from his gaze. I wasn't certain how to answer that, but it seemed like the answer was clear regardless.

"No." I sighed hard. "It's probably for the best that he doesn't, right?"

I couldn't read Nick's face, if he was disappointed or relieved. He seemed to be pretty satisfied with my answer, but I could tell he had more he wished he could say.

"Fair enough." Was all he gave me, before letting out a breath. "So, you still live up here?"

I let my muscles relax for a second. "Yeah, doing a residency at Brigham right now."

"Residency? Does that mean you're a doctor?" He asked, clearly confused.

I cackled at this. "Yeah, full blown doctor. Got the little 'MD' after my name and everything."

He beamed at me. "That's so great! Congratulations!"

"Thank you, Nicky." It fell quiet between us once again, and I could hear ERRA's set beginning. "Well, I should probably-"

He spoke over me. "Yeah! Those guys put on a great show. Don't miss it!"

I gave him another hug, reveling in how warm he still felt.

Turning to walk away, I stopped, needing one last thing...

"Nick?"

His face turned back to me.

"How is he?"

I could see the sadness fall over his tan features, and I instantly regretted asking.

"He's..." He trailed off, taking in a large breath. "He's different, Y/N. I doubt you'd recognize him."

"How so?"

Something about my question almost seemed to annoy him. Odd?

"Like I said, a lot has changed. He's changed. He had to." He gestured to me. "Same way you did."

I accepted this, not wanting to press any further. "Thanks, Nick."

He pointed a finger at me. "Hey, we're going to be back here in the fall for a couple days. Don't be a stranger, okay?" I grinned at this. "I know Jolly and Folio would kill to see you."

I just nodded, turning and walking away. My eyes met with Ray's, who was standing, watching my interaction. How much had she seen? Did she hear anything?

"Hey, what are you doing? You're missing ERRA!"

Her brows were pulled up suspiciously. "Who was that?" She pointed after Nick, who had now disappeared from the merch table.

I shook my head. "Oh, that guy? He's the bassist in the headliner band."

This wasn't good enough for her, I could tell by the way she pursed her lips. "Uh-huh. And...you just decided to chat him up like old friends?"

I groaned. "Ugh, how long were you standing there?"

She put all her weight on one hip. "Long enough to see you two talking like you've known each other before. Care to explain?"

Raylene was so nosey. She came by it honestly, her father being a police detective. But still, why did this matter?

"It's not a big deal, Ray. I'll tell you later."

I pulled on her arm, trying to lead her back to the concert hall, but she stood firm, eyeing me. I sucked my teeth in frustration.

"Damn it, alright, come here."

She followed me to the doors leading outside, and we stepped into the cool air.

"Alright, look, I've known Nick since I was ten."

Her eyes jumped. "Oh? Back in West Virginia?"

I nodded. "Exactly. I had no idea their band was going to be here."

"Do you know anyone else in the band?"

I glanced around, feeling wildly uncomfortable by the conversation.

"I may know the entire band."

Her eyes exploded, nearly shooting out of her face cartoonistically.

"What?! The whole band?" I just nodded. "Jesus, Y/N. That's insane!"

I giggled. "I guess. It's just a coincidence."

She smiled at me. "Well that's awesome! Do you want to see the rest of them after? They're doing a free merch signing."

Panic filled my chest, and I put a hand out to grab her shoulder. "No, no. I don't, uh..." I tried to keep my voice solid. "I don't keep in touch with them anymore."

Her eyes narrowed. "Oh? Okay, if you're sure." Something in my voice must have made her feel my anxiety.

We turned, ready to make our way back inside.

"It is too bad. The lead singer's a real looker. I heard one of the girls in the crowd say his name was Noah Sebastian? He's pretty cute."

I almost walked straight into the door, my foot banging off of the pillar. Ray turned around to see me, and something about the look on my face made realization flash over her.

"Oh my God, are you ok-" She stopped dead, eyes widening again. "Wait..."

"Ray, don't." I knew what she had figured out.

"Noah..." I put my hands up, glancing around to ensure no one was looking at us. "As in...Noah? Your old best friend?!"

I shushed her harshly. "Please, Ray. I don't want to think about this."

"That's the guy?! Noah Sebastian is the guy that broke your heart?!"

I was going to actually vomit at that.

"Fuck! Can we not?!" I raised my voice, which made her snap her mouth closed. "Besides, I don't know a Noah Sebastian."

She looked confused. "Is that not his real name?"

I rolled my eyes, turning to walk back in. "It's his middle name."

I spaced out most of what was left of ERRA's set, just trying to put the pieces back together in my brain. This night had not turned into what I had hoped.

I just wanted one night, an easy night, to take a deep breath away from my hectic life. Instead, I was reliving some of my most painful memories, and had a headache to go right along with it from the alcohol. My chest vibrated, the bass just making it so much more difficult to focus.

I stood off of the GA floor, near the bar area, not even realizing the band had finished, and people were swarming to grab drinks and use the restrooms before the men of the evening appeared. Ray approached me, another Vodka cran in her hand, and pushed it into mine.

"Here my love, drink this." I took a long gulp of it. "Do you want us to go? We don't have to stay..."

My eyes were fixed on the stage, where I could see people setting up the equipment. "No." I huffed out a breath, and squeezed my cup. "No, I want to see them play, I think."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're sure? This can't be easy for you."

My eyes burned into her face, which almost made her flinch. "I may never get to see him again, Ray. I have to."

She just nodded, arm linking with mine. "You want to watch from up here?"

I nodded, crunching on a piece of ice from my drink. "No chance of him spotting me back here."

She affirmed my request, and leaned back against the wall with me.

I felt my phone vibrate, and I pulled it from my pocket to see Tyler's name on the screen.

Tyler: Hey beautiful! How's the show?

I held my breath. What kind of a question was that?

Me: Fine. Almost over, just one band left.

He didn't take but a minute to respond.

Tyler: Having fun?

Ha, what a joke.

Me: Yeah. I've had some drinks, so it's helping.

Tyler: Well, enjoy it baby! You deserve it.

That wasn't fair. None of it was. Having to see Noah? The fact that I had an amazing guy, who genuinely liked me, who waited for me. But I still couldn't get my mind off of that irritatingly beautiful face about to take the stage.

The lights went down, and I felt myself tense, throwing back the rest of my drink. My teeth were numb, if that made any sense at all. Ray's hand gripped mine tight, holding me up.

A cinematic scene played on the screens, but I wasn't watching, eyes hastily searching the stage.

A tall man, who I instantly recognized as Jolly, stepped center-stage, a guitar in his hand playing the opening riff to the song. It was heavy, deep and soul shaking.

Folio came out next, his face, like Jolly's, covered in a black ski mask.

Nick took his spot, playing his bass tones.

And then, as the opening crescendoed, a voice rang through the speakers.

A voice I'd never forget.

"Can you hear me through the white noise?"

He blasted onto the stage, glory and all, face covered and thick black jacket on his shoulders.

He sounded different. Angry. Raw, Aggressive. The feeling that sank in my stomach pulled me back further against the wall.

The song played through, his words pulsing through my veins.

As quick as it had started, it was over, and we were on to the next.

The next track was calmer, red lights glowing all throughout the stage.

They had all removed their masks, and I saw his face for the first time. He looked so much older, making it difficult for me to believe he was the same person.

The words of the song resonated deep in my thoughts.

"I don't want to know all your secrets, cause I'll tell. It's hard enough being alone with myself. I don't know how long I'll be holding on..."

Breathing deeply, I watched as the crowd moved with the music, electrifying the energy in the room. It was intoxicating.

Noah had changed...

The set played on without hitch, the entire time I caught myself holding in breaths until I felt my lungs nearly bursting. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, feeling the familiar ache beginning to creep back in.

The music stopped, and a bunch of lights came up. By this time, Noah had discarded his jacket, button-up, and only stood in a black tank top, hands wrapped in what looked like boxing wraps?

"Alright, Boston, how we feeling?" His speaking voice even sounded different...

The crowd erupted.

"We are Bad Omens, and we sincerely appreciate you all being here tonight. The next song we are going to play for you all has been the biggest turning point this band has ever seen." I heard the screams, and did my best to tune them out so I could hear his words. "Is anyone familiar with a song called Just Pretend?"

The room rocked with the cheers and chants of the crowd.

"That volume that I just heard? That's the volume I want to hear you sing this with me, okay? Don't worry about trying to hit the perfect note or get all of the words right. It's about us all, being here together tonight."

The music played softly behind him when his lips reached the microphone.

"I can wait for you at the bottom. I can stay away if you want me to. I can wait for years if I gotta. Heaven knows I ain't getting over you..."

My heart twisted in my chest.

"I'm not afraid, of the war you've come to wage against my sins. I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend. So will you wait me out? Or will you drown me out?"

The tears pooled in my eyes. No fucking way. The song played on, mocking me with the lyrics.

"I know the pain that you hide behind the smile on your face. And not a day goes by where I don't think I feel the same."

"We'll try again, when we're not so different. We will make amends, till then I'll just pretend."

My hands came up to cover my face, my lip trembling hard.

"Weigh down on me. Stay till morning. Way down. Would you say I'm worthy?"

I choked on a sob, my legs pushing me forward, and I ran out of the room. I felt my stomach lurching, my mouth clamping closed as I ran toward the bathroom.

I heard Ray chasing behind me. "Y/N! Wait!"

Flying into the bathroom and finding the first open stall, I fell to my knees, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. My hands gripped my hair, tears falling hard down my face.

"Oh God, babe." Ray reached to grab my hair from me as I wretched all of the Vodka out of my stomach, my heart and soul pouring out with it.

When I finished, I let my chest heave with sobs, my hand covering my eyes in ebarrassment.

"Fuck, Ray." I said as I wiped my face with the tissue she handed me. "I've got to get the hell out of here."

She nodded. "Okay, my love. Let's do that."

After a solid twenty minutes of cleaning myself up in the bathroom, we stepped out, noticing the crowd now formed outside, waiting at the table for the band to come out for the signing. Ray was frantically dialing Sean, trying to find him among the sea of people. I just plopped myself down on the floor near the restroom, trying to relax as best as I could.

"Y/N?" I looked up at her. "I have to go find Sean. He isn't answering. Can you wait here for me?"

I just nodded, defeated. She was gone, lost within the abyss of people, and I sat, waiting, head in my hands.

I was pulled out of my stupor by the sound of cheering. The band had come out, all waving and smiling. I didn't even bother chancing a glance at him, for fear I may vomit again.

Ray had not come back yet, despite the four or five texts I had now sent her. I had been waiting for a solid thirty minutes, people watching the line and avoiding seeing his face. The ropes of the line were blocking my view of the faces sitting at the table.

After another fifteen, Ray finally bounded up to me, out of breath, Sean in tow.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry! That crowd is vicious!"

I stood slowly, the room only slightly spinning. I swallowed the dry, disgusting feeling in my throat, and began moving toward the exits that were now mostly clear.

"Let's go." She nodded at me, and took my arm. We had to wait behind several people trying to all get through the same revolving door. My skin felt spiky and cold.

"Hang on! Wait!"

A voice behind me made ice run through my veins, and I closed my eyes, begging whatever God existed to spare me in this moment.

A hand gripped my shoulder, and I tensed, turning my face, and my eyes looked straight at him.

He had spotted me, running from his table to catch me. He had to have been pretty damn sure it was me to chase after me like that. Fans began to crowd us, camera phones coming out, pictures snapping.

The look on his face was much less certain than I expected, as if he possibly made a mistake.

"I'm sorry..." His voice was unsteady. "Do I," He cleared his throat, eyes bouncing back and forth between my own. "know you?"

My eyebrows shot up. He really didn't recognize me?

He thought he did, but now...

"No. I don't think so." I spit out my words, teeth grinding together. It felt exactly the same as the last time I had seen him.

He dropped his hand, eyes still transfixed on mine. "I swore..."

I just turned my body, pressing my way past the gathered crowd, not giving him the chance to think it through.

In the car, I stared out the back window, arms wrapped around myself.

"What did he say, honey?" Ray's voice was so gentle.

"He didn't recognize me. He thought he did, but once he got up close, I guess I look too different." My words were only a peg above a whisper.

"You going to be okay? I don't have to stay at Sean's."

I just wiped the stray tear off of my cheek. "It's fine. I'd rather be alone."

-

A long, scalding shower, two handfuls of shredded cheese, and a solid half-hour crying session later, I was laid catatonically on my bed, eyes staring at the screen as Grey's Anatomy flashed across my screen.

I had blanked my mind out, forcing myself to let the thoughts go for the night. I was too tired and broken to let my heart hurt like this again. It took a solid year to get over Noah enough that I was able to function again. My first year of med school was disappointing, and I didn't make any friends until I made it into the second year. It took me nearly three to start dating.

I couldn't do that again.

I had been ignoring the texts going off on my phone, assuming it was Ray just checking on me for the thousandth time. I did, however, decide to take a look when I heard my ringtone going off.

Who would be calling me at 2AM?

I didn't even bother checking the screen before I put the phone up to my ear, my voice hoarse from crying.

"Hello?"

"What are the odds that you haven't changed your number after all this time?"

I sat bolt upright, my voice catching in my throat. The voice on the other end sounded nearly as wrecked as mine.

"Noah?" It barely came out.

"It's been a long time."

I cleared the newly formed phlegm out of my throat. "It has."

"I knew that was you." It sounded deadly quiet in the background of his end of the line. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming tonight?"

I sighed. "Nick told you?"

"He might've."

I groaned. "Well, I asked him not to."

"Why?"

I scoffed. "What do you mean, why?" I rubbed my eyes. "We're not exactly speaking anymore, Noah."

He hummed. "That's true."

I chewed on my lip, not having any kind of clue of what to say.

"What did you think?"

"Of the show?"

"Mhm."

I sighed. "It was good. Different than what I would have expected."

A soft laugh came through the line. "How so?"

I smiled at that. "It's just a lot different than what I expected your music to sound like."

"In a bad way?"

"No. Not at all."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." His voice was so serious. So monotone. Nothing at all like what I remembered.

The line fell silent again, and I found this irritating. What was he playing at?

"Why did you call, Noah?"

I heard a breath on the other end, and some rustling. "I don't know."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have."

"Maybe. I wanted to hear your voice."

My stomach tightened. "Now you have. I should go."

"Wait..." I held the phone firm, waiting. "I want to see you."

My heart pounded. "What?"

"I need to see you." His words were so matter-of-fact.

"I don't think so, Noah. That's not a great idea."

"It's not, but I'm asking..." He sounded so small. "Can I please see you?"

I perused the idea. "When?"

"Now?"

I scrunched up my face, sitting up again. "Now? It's after two in the morning."

"I don't care. I'll come to wherever you are."

This struck me. Maybe he hadn't changed?

"I, uh," I struggled to speak. "Noah, I don't know. I'm at home, it's late. I should be sleeping."

"Y/N?" I stopped, listening. "Please?"

I am a weak woman, and that is just plain fact. I was frantically running throughout the apartment, attempting to tidy any kind of mess I could get my hands on. Ray and I hadn't taken the time to really clean in months, so it was stressing me out. My pajama pants were hanging low on my hips, and I swam in my large sweatshirt.

My hair was falling loose around my face, and I was sure my eyes were puffy from the crying I had done. How insane was I? Had I completely lost it?

It was almost 3AM when a knock came at my apartment door, and I froze in place. What was I doing? Why was I allowing this to happen? I didn't need to do this to myself.

I was fine, living in my normal, tired bubble. I was headed towards a successful career that would take me further than I ever imagined. Why was I allowing this trainwreck of a friendship back into my life? What was I thinking?!

I wasn't. That was the answer to that question.

I opened the door, not sure what to expect on the other side. He stood, still as tall as I remembered, looming in the doorway. He wore a black hoodie, hands tucked neatly in the pocket. Dark blue jeans and black Converse. A white beanie covering his hair.

Like this, he looked almost recognizable. Except for his eyes...

Just like in the photograph I had seen earlier, his eyes were so dark. There was very little life behind them. Deep blue circles hung under the rims, making a pull in my chest show itself.

I just stood, blocking the doorway, hand white-knuckling the frame.

"Hi." Was all he managed. He was staring at me, eyes moving up and down my face as if he was seeing an apparition.

"Hi." I echoed, trying to not feel out of place under his stare.

"I'm glad you agreed to see me." He didn't move an inch, his jaw ticking closed with his last work.

I just nodded, letting out all of my air. "Yeah, well, you were insistent."

He nodded, finally looking away from me and down at the ground.

"I had to."

I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes. "Did you?" He raised a brow at me. "Did you just have to see me? Because I think we probably would've been alright without it."

I could see his face fall, hurt by what I said, but I didn't care. He never did.

"I'm sorry. I know it's selfish."

"Mm," I pinched my lips together, and opened my door wider. "come in."

I stalked back into the house, not daring to look back at him. I heard the door shut behind me, and I steadied myself, expecting to turn around and see him vanished.

To my chagrin, he was still there.

Deciding not to stagnate, I walked into the kitchen, pulling a bottle of tea from the fridge, and walking back out to the living area. He hadn't moved, and was still staring at me.

"So." I motioned to him. "What can I do for you?"

Noah was so statuesque, as if carved right out of stone. "I don't really know."

My face lifted, a smirk on my lips. "You don't know? Noah," I placed a hand on my hip. "you show up here at 3AM, and you have no idea why?"

He shrugged, eyes begging me for mercy. "I'm sorry. I don't."

"Can you stop apologizing and just tell me why you're here?!" My patience snapped, startling even me.

This took him back, but instead of tucking tail and backing away, he stood straighter, face hardening.

"I can't tell you why I'm here if I don't know, alright?" His words were stern.

"Well you must have some kind of reason? Because this feels wildly unnecessary."

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "It is? So you didn't want to see me?"

I set my tea on the coffee table and stood nonchalantly. "Not really."

He narrowed his eyes. "I don't buy it." He took a step toward me, but I stood firm. "If you didn't you wouldn't have stayed, tonight. You would've left after you saw the band your friends went to see."

He was closer now, and it felt like a string had tethered between us, the tension slowly slacking.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to see your set. See how the band was doing."

He snickered at me. "Oh, sure. Of course." His hands finally appeared from his pockets, one running over his chin. "Which song was your favorite?"

Oop. I wasn't expecting that.

"The second one. Villain, or something?"

He nodded. "Like A Villain." Noah's eyes weren't buying it. "Which one did you like least?"

I scoffed. "I don't know, Noah? The first one?"

"Mm, and which one was that?"

I was swallowing the lump in my throat. I couldn't remember, the night blurring together.

"Uh, I don't know the name."

He took a step back, triumphant. "You weren't there for the set. You wanted to see me."

Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms. "Still as self-absorbed as ever, I see?"

"Am I wrong?"

He had me backed into a corner, and he fucking knew it.

I threw my arms up. "Fine! Maybe I did. But you wanted to see me too."

He sneered at me, venom on his lips. "Obviously, or else I wouldn't be here."

"You still haven't said why."

"Why did you want to see me?"

My voice was raising, frustration growing. "I don't know!"

"I don't know either!" He yelled back at me, and my mouth snapped closed. Noah never raised his voice at me. Not ever.

He took three long strides over to me until he was only stood a foot away.

"I didn't expect to ever see you again, Y/N! I thought you were gone forever! So imagine my surprise when I see you walking out of the House of Blues, and you deny even knowing me!"

I felt like shrinking into a ball right there on the floor, ceasing to exist.

"I wanted to see you because how could I not?! Seven fucking years, Y/N!" He backed down for a second, his breathing becoming ragged. "I've been waiting seven years."

I furrowed my brow. "Waiting?"

"For you to reach out. To tell me you missed me. To give me some kind of indication we could reconcile and be us again."

There was a fire, deep down in my gut, that I had never been able to truly extinguish. A fire Noah had lit years ago. A mine shaft burning like the depths of hell in my belly that I had buried under concrete and therapy, keeping it at bay.

In my apartment, tonight, that fire broke loose. And there was no stopping it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I took a step forward, pressing into his space, index finger jabbing into his chest. "I was supposed to reach out?!"

He took a step back, eyes now full of fear.

"I professed my love to you, Noah! I told you I wanted you, and you fucking left!"

He puffed at me, pointing a finger back at me. "You told me to leave!'

"Yes! Because you told me you didn't love me! You told me you couldn't love me the way I loved you!"

He squeezed his lids shut tight, growling and turning away from me, taking several steps away. His hands came up, gripping the beanie on his head.

"God damn it Y/N!" He turned to look at me, a fiery rage matching my own behind his eyes. "Of course I fucking loved you!"

My heart stopped, completely motionless.

"What?"

"I've always loved you! From the moment I laid fucking eyes on you! I've never loved anyone, no one, the way I loved you!" He charged me, backing me toward the couch. "But I couldn't love you, Y/N! I wasn't good enough. I was a piss-poor high school dropout musician trying to make a name for himself, and, until recently, failing miserably."

I couldn't speak, thoughts racing so fast, I struggled to keep up.

"And you?" He pointed a finger back into my chest. "You were smart, and motivated, and you were going to make something of yourself. I couldn't drag you down with me. I couldn't force you to follow this journey with me. It would've ruined your life!"

My lungs weren't working right, and my hands were shaking. He wasn't actually saying this. I was hallucinating.

"So I left. I left to give you a chance at a real life. Which, evidently, you've managed to build without me." He took a step back, then, dropping his hands. "And I, somehow, without you."

This hurt me, hearing he had managed to become so successful, despite my involvement.

"Noah, I had no idea-"

"No," He cut me off. "you didn't."

I hadn't even caught the tears falling from my eyes, blurring my vision until he was just a watery mess in front of me.

"You didn't need me." I choked out, and he looked directly at me, inquisitively. "You've made it so far. You're a rockstar now, Noah."

He scoffed. "Y/N, you don't get it." He looked away from me, focused on the wall behind me. "I died without you. Something inside of me was lost the day I left, and I never got it back."

"Well, you're successful now, so it can't be so bad, right?"

He snorted, shaking his head. "Success always comes with a price."

My lips were wet with the tears I couldn't hold in, and I couldn't keep my breathing even. I knew he saw it, but hesitated to engage, wanting to keep a wide berth between us. I couldn't take it. It was too much.

Hearing he loved me. Hearing I had been wrong all this time. Hearing that the heartbreak I felt for so long wasn't his fault. He was protecting me, even after all these years.

"Noah?" He chanced a glance at me, and I saw his own eyes sparkling with moisture.

I couldn't take it.

I rushed him, grabbing hold of his shoulder and clinging on, desperate to find relief against him. My lips smashed into his, tearing apart the barrier I had worked so hard to build.

His hands grabbed me, holding me into place against him, his lips melted into mine, returning the kiss fervently. We were hopeless. We were hungry.

My tears didn't stop flowing, emotion pouring out of every pore. My fingers clawed at him, needing to get closer. My hand grabbed the beanie, and pulled it off of his head, his dark hair falling over his eyes. I gripped it at the scalp, trying to pull myself closer.

Feeling what I was attempting to do, his hands lifted me by the back of my legs, so I could wrap them around his midsection. I refused to disconnect the kiss, breathing in his soul. It was so real and so familiar. How I missed it like hell.

His legs carried us to the couch, where he sat us down. My legs straddled him, and I finally pulled away to tug at the sweatshirt he wore. He made quick work of pulling it up over his head while I did the same with my own. Reconnecting our lips, my hands wandered over his neck and chest, scratching at the fabric of his shirt.

His teeth caught my bottom lip, and I moaned into his mouth. His fingers pulled at the waistband of my pajama pants, and I lifted myself enough to slip them off, replacing myself on his lap. His jeans were already getting tighter as his hands smoothed up and down my thighs.

"Fucking hell." He looked down, staring at my bare breasts in front of him. "These got bigger, huh?"

I laughed, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, well, things change."

His fingers gripped around my left breast, lips falling to circle around the hardened nipple. I let my head fall back, relishing in the warm feeling spreading throughout my body.

"Still so fucking beautiful, just like I remember." I pulled at the hair on the back of his neck. "Did you miss me, baby girl?"

I ground my hips down against him in response. His hand began playing with the button of his jeans, and I moved it away to open them myself.

I stood up to pull his jeans down to his knees, his boxers bulging in the crotch.

"Oh, fuck." I sighed out. "Yeah, I missed you."

His smile then was devious, some of that regular spark shining back in his eyes. "Then show me, huh?"

Reaching into the opening of his underwear, I pulled his cock free, taking a moment to remember just how large it was. It had been a very long time since I had seen anything quite that impressive. Dipping my head down, I licked a long stripe up the shaft, lingering on the head to gather the precome leaking out.

"Holy shit." His head fell back on the couch, his eyes rolling back with it. "Mm, do that again, please?"

I smirked, looking up at him. "Only since you asked so nicely."

My tongue repeated the movement, drawing out a hard groan out of him, his legs twitching. "Fuck yeah, baby."

Without warning, I wrapped my lips around him and swallowed him as far down as my throat would allow, gagging on the tip as it struck my tonsils. His hips jolted upward, effectively fucking my throat.

"Please, Y/N, I won't last that way." He begged, his words only coming out as breaths. "I need to feel you, please."

He was begging, and I couldn't resist it. I needed him too.

I stood back up, and kneeled on either side of him, carefully lining him up with my entrance. When I sunk down, that delicious burn pierced through me, and my body collapsed onto him at the intensity of it.

"Noah, oh my God." He ran a hand up my back, allowing me a moment to adjust.

"I know, baby. I know." He soothed me, rubbing small circles into my skin.

My hips stuttered forward, needing to feel the friction. His hand reached down to grab my ass, and lifted me upward. Without warning, his hips snapped forward and fucked into me, making a sharp scream leave my lips.

My face rested on his chest, whimpers falling from my throat with each hard thrust.

"Fuck, you missed me, pretty girl?" He was panting between his words, his rhythm picking up speed. "Missed the way I fuck you?"

My eyes were rolling back, the tears from before now replaced with tears of raw pleasure.

"I'll bet you've never been fucked like this, huh?" His words were just tones of desire playing in my ears, his cock absolutely destroying me. "No one can fuck you like I can, baby. No one."

My nails dug hard into his shirt, begging for release.

"Let me know when you come, baby. Not finishing until you do."

Luckily for him, I was riding the edge so hard it was making the room spin. Biting my lip to keep from screaming, I lifted myself to look at his face.

"Noah," I searched his eyes, his hips not faltering. "I love you."

He grit his teeth, trying to focus on me and his hips at the same time. "I love you, too. So fucking much."

My face fell back down, landing on the side of his neck. "I'm going to come. Please, Noah, I'm so close..."

He, somehow, managed to pump into me harder, sending my body over the cliff and into the warm waves of my orgasm. My body went slack against him as my walls pulsed around his length.

I heard him curse, and his hips stilled. I felt him spasming inside me, and silently thanked myself for my IUD.

We laid that way, sweaty and heaving, for a solid ten minutes before either of us could find the strength to move. I slipped him out of me, and sat up to look at him. He looked absolutely wrecked, in the best possible way.

I smiled, feeling a warmth spread over me.

"Hi." Was all I could manage.

He chuckled tiredly. "Hi."

-

After our excursion, Noah and I had taken a few minutes to clean up, and, being as exhausted as you'd expect, decided to lay together for a while.

He told me he had to leave within a few hours to get back to his hotel, heading to the next city bright and early, so I told him I'd stay up until he had to leave.

However, in my bed, his arms wrapped tightly around me, his voice whispering sweet words in my ears, I struggled to remain conscious.

"Do you remember when I bought you that Oasis album for your fourteenth birthday? That was basically me professing my love to you."

"I was such an idiot. I should've just told you."

"You have no idea how much I've missed you. I don't think you'll ever understand."

"I'm so sorry. I wish things were different..."

And that's how I woke up, light in my bedroom far too bright, and my bed empty.

I don't know what I expected? For him to stay? Fuck off his tour to make up for lost time with me?

But still, my chest stung when I saw he had left, but I wasn't surprised.

Something had changed last night, and the darkness that lingered in the depths of my being had lifted, leaving me with a sense of hope I hadn't felt before.

When I had woken for the day, clearing the cobwebs from my eyes, I contemplated my next move. He had surely left town already, but that didn't mean I couldn't keep in touch, right?

Pulling out my phone, I found his contact, and opened a text thread.

Me: Hey, call me when you can. I think we have a lot to talk about. :)

I set my phone down on the bathroom counter, preparing to brush my teeth when my phone dinged, and the notification told me the text had failed.

Odd?

I resent it, getting the same response.

Why would my messages fail? I paid my bill, right?

Quickly dialing Ray's number, I held the phone to my ear and heard the ringing, so I knew my service was fine. Giving her a quick apology for waking her, I hung up, and went back to my texts.

His number was the same, right?

I went back to my call logs, seeing it was his number that called me last night, so it was the same as it had always been.

So...what the hell?

My finger hovered over the number for a moment, and I weighed the options before finally resolving to just call him. Make sure I wasn't losing my mind.

I held the phone to my face as I started brushing my teeth, waiting for the call to connect.

"The number you have reached is not in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up and try your call again."

[thatsmzbitchtoyou]

The Naughty Nanny Chapter 1

Summary:  Bucky had a lovechild from a one night stand.  He barely even remembered it, and was surprised to find a baby on his doorstep 9 months later.  But one look at that little girl and he knew she was his and that he’d die for her.  The only problem was, he knew nothing about babies, and being an Avenger meant he couldn’t just drop everything and be a dad full time.  Then he found the perfect nanny…or so he thought.

**In this universe Steve never left, Tony never died.** **curvy reader** Warnings: talk of sexual harassment, unwanted/non-consensual touching/sexual assault, eventual smut

Next chapter

“Please go to sleep,” Bucky begged quietly as the baby wailed in her crib.  He rubbed his face roughly, his eyes burning from lack of sleep.  He felt a wave of emotion through him and started crying, which surprised him.  He had gone through years of torture, being put on ice, memories wiped, the worst things imaginable done to him and forced on him to do to others, sleep deprivation worse than this and yet here he was crying over a crying baby.

He’d never had a lot of experience with babies.  He had sisters back then, but his mother had always been the one to take care of them as infants.  None of the other Avengers brought their kids around to headquarters.  This baby was unknown to him until four weeks ago.  

“Hey Bucky, uh…you’re needed in the lobby,” Sam’s voice rang through Friday’s intercom.

“Okay,” Bucky answered back up to the ceiling, then headed down to the front of the building.  When he approached the front desk a small group was forming around something on the floor.  “What’s going on?” he asked as he walked up to Sam.

Sam gave him a worried look then pointed to the floor.  It was a baby in a carrier, fast asleep, covered in a blanket, a diaper bag and a box of things next to it.  Steve was holding a note in one hand and reading it over and over again, the other hand holding a small stack of papers.

“Oh cute, whose baby?” Bucky said, smiling softly.  Everyone in the room looked at him uneasily.  

“It’s um…it’s yours,” Steve said hesitantly, handing him the note.

“What?  That’s–” Bucky scoffed then read the note.  It was scribbled hurriedly and he read it slowly.

‘James Barnes,

You won’t remember me but we had a one night stand a few months ago.  I didn’t realize I was pregnant till it was too late to have an abortion.  I’m not cut out for motherhood, and won’t be able to give her the life she deserves.  You’re an Avenger, so I’m guessing you’ve got money or options to make sure she’ll get a fair shot.  I haven’t named her, and I’ve signed away my rights.  She was born March 10.  I’m sorry to drop this on you.

Good luck.’

Bucky stared at the note.  He really couldn’t remember most of the one night stands he’d had.  They had usually been drunken encounters after too much Asguardian mead at one of Tony’s many parties.  “I…I don’t...”

“We should take a DNA sample, make sure it’s actually his,” Tony piped up.

“Oh please, Tony, just look at her.  She looks just like him,” Pepper smacked his arm.  “Let’s get her checked out by a doctor and then we’ll go from there.”

Steve stepped up to Bucky.  “Buck?”  He clapped his shoulder, bringing him back to the present.  “What do you want to do?”

Bucky eyed the papers in Steve’s hand, seeing the “Termination of Parental Rights” in bold at the top of the packet.  His ears were ringing, his eyes wide as he fought off a panic attack.  He looked at the baby again.  She did look like him, a tuft of dark brown hair atop her head and his lips and dimpled chin.  He stepped toward her and knelt down.  He reached forward a finger and softly stroked her cheek.  It made her stir a little and her eyes opened a little, flashing the same blue color of his eyes.  She even shared his birthday.  He smiled.  “My baby,” he mumbled.

Bucky decided to name her Winnie, after his mother.  The entire Avengers team had jumped into action that day, Tony and Pepper calling multiple people and getting baby items delivered to the compound, Bruce coming to take a DNA sample and do a preliminary check up on her until a pediatrician could come do a thorough examination, Steve and Sam standing with him as he held her and stared at her, giving him advice and trying to talk through what to do next.

As time went by he learned a lot.  Tony brought in a few people to teach him parenting skills and how to feed her, change her, bathe her, what different cries could mean, and so much more that it made his head swim.  He’d gotten the hang of it for the most part, getting into a routine with her, but on a night like tonight where the team was gone on a mission, with no one to help him, and it didn’t seem to matter what he did she just would not stop crying, he felt overwhelmed.  Bucky didn’t know how parents did this, let alone with multiple children.  He picked her up from the crib and cradled her against his chest, patting her back firmly but gently as his body bounced to try to soothe her again.  She continued crying but it died down a little at having him close.

“Please, Winnie, I can’t…I don’t know what I’m doing,” he whispered and shushed her.  He quickly wiped his tears, but they kept coming as her head thrashed against his sternum, like she wanted to burrow into him.  He carried her to the front room of his apartment suite in the compound then to the kitchen, grabbing another bottle and warming it in the microwave.  The movement seemed to help calm her a little until she was sniffling, whimpering and only occasionally letting out a little wail.  He made sure the formula wasn’t too hot then sat on the large sectional couch and leaned back against the pillow.  Before she could start crying from the loss of movement he stuck the bottle in her mouth and she immediately started eating, her wet eyes blinking up at him as she drew in a shaky breath.

“There you go,” Bucky breathed.  “See, all that fussing for nothing.  You stinker,” he smiled as he sniffed and wiped his tears again.  He snuggled her against him as he tried to even out his breathing.  She was so tiny against his large frame that it made him smile wider.  He hoped this would be enough to get her to sleep for longer than 45 minutes this time.  He stared up at the ceiling then got an idea.

“Friday?”

“Yes Sergeant Barnes?”

“I need interviews with potential nannies,” Bucky said, looking back down at Winnie.  “Specifically for live-in, night nannies.”

“I’ll compile a list and reach out for preliminary interviews.  Any specific qualifications that you would like to have listed?”

“No, just someone who knows what they’re doing,” Bucky sighed, his eyes getting heavier.

“Yes sir.”

“Thank you,” he yawned as Winnie finished the bottle.  He burped her, thanking whatever higher being there was in the universe for her milk-drunk expression as she drifted back to sleep, joining her shortly after.

**Once again, thank the AI/Photoshop gods for this perfect picture of Bucky found on Pinterest.**

@angelbabyyy99 @capswife @julvrs @bellabarnes1378 @mostlymarvelgirl @mega-kittyglitter-1 @buckitostan @drdbnkl2008 @wintrsoldrluvr @danzer8705

[invertedheaven]

If You Really Love Nothing

chapter 1: easier said than done

chapter index | next chapter

“I fucked up satoru” you said with a mouthful of cereal that you helped yourself to the second you stepped into gojos house because you were finally not nauseous

He looked up at you from over his phone, he never hears you admit you’re wrong in any form so this was interesting to him “hmmm how so?”

“Im pregnant” your heartbeat was so loud in your ears you weren’t even sure you said it loud enough and you refused to look at him to see if he heard you

And while he assumed it was bad he didn’t assume this bad… “do you know whose it is?”

“….sukunas” you squeeze your eyes shut as if it would spare you from the judgement in his eyes

His eyes widen “Didnt you guys break up? Didnt he move away not even like three months ago?”

“He was in town again a few weeks ago… almost two months after we broke up and he found me, we went out to eat and well, it was our last night together I was stupid” you exhale before continuing “but I took plan b as soon as possible the next day I thought it would’ve worked…”

Gojo swallowed before speaking because this is something he’d expect from probably anyone but you “I gotta say, sleeping with him even after he broke up with you a week after your birthday… to each their own I guess”

You feel like you’re about to burst into tears because you know gojos right and you hate that, this could’ve been avoided if you’d just had some pride

Noticing your silence he spoke up again “do you want to keep it?”

And finally the tears started flowing and he immediately regretted asking

You did want to keep it, you had always wanted to be a mother, and you loved sukuna so much you wanted it to be with him, but that felt like a selfish reason to want a baby and yet an even bigger part of you felt like you wanted this baby no matter what but financially you knew it wasn’t possible, and you couldn’t do that to a child.

“I’ll be honest satoru, I do. I really do want to but financially it wouldn’t be feasible and I don’t think its fair to raise a child knowing that and on top of that they wont have both their parents, its an awful experience… I dont want that kind of childhood for my baby” you finally make eye contact with him and he’s staring at you with such pity because he knows your childhood and the pity he’s showing almost makes you mad.

Until you hear footsteps running down the stairs already knowing who it was you wiped the tears from your face before you turn around and smile as brightly as you can “hi gumi, how are you today?” As he comes up to you to give you a hug, satoru rolls his eyes “you’re the only person he ever greets enthusiastically”. You find this hilarious because if you looked at it any other way you’d think megumi was being held at gunpoint to say hi to you, but you suppose even if he’s not smiling just the fact that he’s willingly saying hi with a hug was enough proof.

You laugh before you speak “no need to be so happy about that satoru”

Megumi goes to the fridge to get a snack and then runs back upstairs, you find your stare lingering on the fridge, a picture that gojo definitely forced megumi to take with him hung up on the door with a silly magnet and the smile you were wearing quickly turned to a frown. While gojo watched you closely he came up with what he thought was a genius idea:

“Move in with me” he smiles

You tear your stare away from the fridge and instead look at him with a bewildered look, clearly too shocked to say anything

“Think about it… megumi doesn’t hate you, you could raise the baby without any distractions, and I would love to have just one adult around here if I have to deal with his preteen attitude alone for one more day im gonna lose my mind” he pauses letting the thought sit then continued “the baby wouldn’t grow up in the most conventional house, but it could work megumi needs someone who isn’t me around anyways, he doesn’t seem entirely emotionally adjusted…”

That earns a laugh from you because if gojo was calling someone unadjusted then thats saying something

“I wouldn’t be the stepfather if thats what you’re worried about, im too cool to be a dad I’d be like the fun uncle plus I have my hands full attempting parenting with megumi”

You finally break the silence “financially I can’t do that to you satoru… thats too much and while I want to say yes, it doesn’t seem too thought out either”

“But what is there to think about? you already spend all your time here and face it, all our friends moved away…” and his cheerful attitude quickly changed to something more solemn than you’re used to coming from gojo “I don’t have suguru anymore and you don’t have sukuna, I don’t really like how lonely it feels” he almost mumbles

You never thought you’d see the day where you felt understood by satoru of all people but he was right, it was lonely and sad, you hated it more than anything

He spoke up again “And about the money? Are you choosing to forget that I’m just waiting for my old man to kick the bucket so I can be CEO of the company or is that not important enough to remember?” He says with a smug look that you want to slap off of him “I have more money then I know what to do with right now, so why don’t you let me help you and you can help me too”

He says your name so quietly you almost don’t hear it with how loud your thoughts are and you turn you head slightly to look back at him he has his arm reaching across to you, asking you to shake on it

This seemed too good to be true, something out of a movie or a tv show, this probably wouldn’t end well either and yet you want to say yes more than anything

“Are you sure satoru? Not a lot of guys would be willing to financially support someone else’s kid and their mom” and at that moment megumi came back down the stairs again getting a water bottle instead, now staring at gojos stretched out hand suspiciously before speaking “whatever he’s trying to get you to do, don’t do it” as he went back upstairs you looked back at gojo who had a look on his face that you would say puts the word “annoyed” to shame

“What was that about other peoples kids?” Gojo responded to your earlier question before he was rudely interrupted by megumi

You bite back a smile before reaching over and shaking his hand “fine, but Im working as long as I can before it becomes too much and… thank you satoru”

————

Thats how you find yourself here, three years later washing the dishes from the lunch you had made for you and your daughter, Airi. Satoru had taken her with him to the store, which she loves to do because she’s learned satoru will literally buy her anything she asks for without even asking you, but you guess its okay since this seems like a nice problem to have.

Once you finish the dishes you moved onto wiping the counter before you hear megumi come home, he’s 14 now and you feel so proud of the teen he’s become yes he’s a little temperamental but he’s a good kid nonetheless. You notice there’s another voice you don’t recognize completely forgetting he told you he was bringing his friend by later and as you round the doorway of the kitchen you stop in your tracks because you’re met with a kid who looks a little too much like sukuna and your daughter. Their family genes were too strong with some weird type of blonde that it was basically pink and you’d never seen anyone else with it. The only thing is that yuji had a different face shape and eyes, it felt like you saw a ghost and you’re sure megumi could see it too so he finally spoke up

“This is itadori yuji he’s the friend I mentioned earlier, you said it was okay for him to come by” he still waits for your face to change from one of shock

“Um yeah, no thats fine hello yuji its nice to meet you” you offer a smile and a handshake and you tell him your name

His eyes widen slightly at that but he doesn’t express any thoughts that he knows you otherwise, he thinks the world can’t be that small… right?

He greets you back as well as returning your handshake before they enter the house more and meanwhile you finally snap out of it you run to the kitchen taking your daughters pictures off the fridge and putting them in your pocket before calling megumi over, and yuji follows

Hiding the nerves in your voice you speak up “So! Yuji tell me about yourself, id love to hear more about our megumis friend” to which megumi groans at the question

Yuji laughs at the “our megumi” and he wonders what your relation to megumi is because you’re too young to be his mom yet you look nothing like him so sibling is out of the picture maybe stepmom would be most likely, “well I just moved out here at the beginning of the school year, I used to live a few hours out, but my grandpa recently passed away so im living with my older brother now”

Everything lines up too much and now you’re uncontrollably shaking this kid really shares a lot huh? “Ahhh okay I see, thats nice is he your only sibling?”

“Yeah but its weird he was staying with a family friend to attend school so he lived out here for a few years but almost 4 years ago he came home still didn’t see him much though… but a few months ago he moved back here and well now im stuck with him” yuji says casually like he didn’t just reveal your daughters dad is back and he doesn’t even know she exists

Trying to change the subject you start “I always wondered what it was like to have siblings, I think satoru is the closest I’ll get” before yuji can question who satoru is megumi cuts in “why’d you bring him up we were having a decent conversation” to which you laugh because nothing puts megumi in a worse mood than satoru talk

“Wow fushiguro you said you drew but I didnt think you’d be that bad” as yuji points to one of the drawings airi made on the fridge you didn’t think he’d even notice that and now you’re freaking out trying to think

Megumi starts to speak up “hey, that is not mine thats her-“

You cut him off before he can speak anymore “Its my niece! My bestfriend had a kid and I help babysit her she’s the sweetest” you say staring at megumi hoping he notices the frantic look in your eyes while yuji observes the drawing up close but all he does is stare at you utterly confused as to why you’re clearly lying

Yuji finally responds “ah that explains the toys in the living room” and it makes you very nauseous just thinking about how observant this kid is and he’s so honest about it too…

You clear your throat “megumi can you help me bring in the stuff I left in my car yesterday? Sorry I was waiting for satoru but if you’re here” you apologize to yuji as you practically pull megumi out the front door and to the drive way

he doesn’t waste a minute in speaking “why did you lie about airi?”

You take a deep breathe before speaking “look, I’m 99% sure that yuujis brother is Airis dad his name is ryomen sukuna… he would mention having a brother named yuji and that he had a sick grandfather. I also know when he was living out here during our last year of high school he wasn’t living with family, the last time I saw him was pretty much 4 years ago before he left again and most importantly sukuna doesn’t know about airi…” you start again before he has the chance to bring it up “they don’t have the same last name because sukuna uses their moms name”

Megumis eyes widen for two reasons, how’d you know he’d ask that? and also because he just assumed Airis dad sucked not that he didn’t even know she existed “why haven’t you told him about her?”

“Its complicated but to put it simply he blocked me on everything, I couldn’t contact him even if I wanted to and that was when I was pregnant so imagine trying to contact him now… and yuji cannot know because he’ll tell sukuna or he’ll have to hide it which is even worse” you put your face in your hands trying to keep the tears in

Although megumi doesn’t understand why you don’t just tell sukuna he finds its not his business, he also respects you too much to question you and although he probably wouldn’t say it out loud he loved airi and considered her as his sister so if it meant helping you out he’d keep his mouth shut “okay, I understand, yuji can’t find out” and against his will you pull him into a hug and thanked him a million times

He headed back inside and the second the door shut you pulled out your phone to call satoru, after what felt like forever he finally picked up the phone but you’re instead met with your daughters voice “hi mommy!!!” And for a second you forget the reason you’re calling wondering how she knew it was you “hi my baby, can you please put ‘toru on the phone?” she doesn’t respond but you can hear her tell satoru you want to talk to him

And the next voice you hear is the man you hope has a solution “Hello?”

“Satoru, i have a problem”

[writingquestionsanswered]

"Probably one of my biggest writing-related takeaways of 2023 was the brain science behind being overwhelmed by writing. So often, we put so much pressure on ourselves to meet goals, and get so frustrated with ourselves when we fail, that we end up making writing time something that fills us with anxiety. So our brains perceive that activity as a threat, which makes us want to avoid it."

I'd love to learn more about this cause it's my biggest problem when it comes to writing. The avoidance of the task, but it also manifests also as feeling overwhelmed by writing a long story/novel.

Some Brain Science Behind Avoidance

I encountered this idea of fear-based avoidance in a few workshops and summits over the past year, but I have to give a shout out to author/coach Monica Hay whose "Overcome Writer's Resistance Bootcamp" explained it the best. I can't find my notes so I'm going from memory here, but the gist of it was that our brains are hard-wired to avoid things that make us feel fearful or uneasy. This is an evolutionary throwback to when those instinctual feelings helped us steer clear from danger. As I remember Monica putting it, "Don't go that way, there are cheetahs there that will eat us."

So... how does this apply to avoidance of writing?

When we heap unreasonable goals and deadlines on ourselves, and berate ourselves for falling short of them, we inadvertently turn writing into a stressful activity. So, when we sit down to write, our brain picks up on that stress and says, "Don't go that way, cheetahs will eat us," and your gut instinct tells you to avoid this stressful activity at all cost. And then it becomes kind of a vicious cycle because you feel even worse because you're avoiding writing, and that makes you feel more overwhelmed and makes writing more stressful, and well... you can see the problem.

The solution? De-stress the writing process for yourself as much as you can. Start by de-stressing yourself when you sit down to write... take a relaxing walk first, do some yoga or a meditation exercise, or try some grounding techniques. See if you can do some things to make your writing environment more relaxing and inviting. Put on some soft lighting and relaxing music, use your favorite method to lightly scent the air, grab your favorite drink and snack. Then, just try to move the needle forward in any way you can.

My suggestions: try editing a sentence. Maybe see if you can add a paragraph or two. Don't think about deadlines or word count or what others are doing. Just focus on adding something to the page, even if it's changing a word or adding a sentence. Don't push yourself. Congratulate yourself on whatever progress you made. Ultimately, if you do this every day, the stress should start to melt away and writing becomes an activity that your brain no longer tells you to avoid.

Another suggestion: try to avoid setting arbitrary deadlines, or if you have to set a deadline, take a look at your schedule/calendar and be really honest about how much time you actually have to write. Because so often what happens is we say, "I want to finish this 80k word draft in eight weeks..." but the reality is we're not going to write all 56 of those days. In fact, when we take an honest look...

-3 days per week for days with both class and work = 32 days -5 days for a cruise next month = 27 days -1 day for bestie's birthday celebration = 26 days -Sundays because that's hiking day = 18 days Suddenly, that eight weeks is actually only 18 days... and that's not even taking account things that come up unexpectedly. But, let's say you do get to write all 18 days, and let's say you know you can commit three hours a day to writing but you'll probably take two ten-minute brakes... so 48 hours worth of writing. But here's the problem: you know on a good hour, you're probably only going to write 1200 words. And guess what: 1200 words per hour over 48 hours is only 57,600 words... far short of your 80k goal... and that's assuming you get to write all 18 days and hit 1200 words every hour you write. In other words... you've set yourself an impossible deadline, and when you fall short of it without understanding why, you're going to be disappointed in yourself. And that's why it's so, so important to be honest about the time you have and how much you can reasonably accomplish within that time. Also: just don't be hard on yourself. It will never make you write faster, more, or better.

I hope you can use this to overcome your own resistance to writing! ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[blkgojo]

Whining and Grinding on the JJK Men | Pt. 1

ft. nanami, gojo

warnings. none

synopsis: mini scenarios in which you grind on Nanami and Gojo

The men of JJK are grown. They’ve more than likely gone to parties and maybe, even hooked up with a few women. But, we’re talking about men who’ve barely stepped outside of Japan. They’ve never gotten wined on. 

Let’s set the scene. You’ve landed in Tokyo on a month-long solo trip. Your plan is to do three things and three things only: relax, relax, and of course, relax. Maybe, you end up at the club during your first week or maybe, you’re more the kind of person who ends up at the club only after they feel more comfortable and have made a few friends. Either way, you’re there and so is he. 

NANAMI

If it were up to Nanami, he would’ve celebrated Shouko’s birthday in a more intimate setting. He would’ve picked somewhere with quiet music and comfortable chairs for them to sit back and smoke their cigars. He imagines the night would’ve gone somewhere in the vein of them reminiscing about their old days and updating each other on their lives – they never did get to do that as much as he would like – but Shoko’s birthday festivities weren’t up to him. Frankly, it wasn’t up to Shoko either.

Who else would have them end up at a nightclub other than Gojo Satoru? 

“You’ve been my teammate for so long, Shouko! What kind of guy would I be if I didn’t do something nice?”

“A better one,” Shouko deadpans.

Utahime laughs loudly to piss off Gojo, but none of them protest much more because they all end up inside anyway. Nanami sighs as he drinks his negroni. He wishes he had said something.

That is, of course, until he sees you. Since he was a kid, he’s developed a habit of picking out foreigners from a crowd. If it wasn’t their hair then it was the way they moved through the world, taking up more space than a Japanese person would dare to. Sometimes, they laughed loudly. Other times, it was more subtle. The shiftiness of their eyes when they were lost. Their dress. Their makeup. During quiet moments, he liked to play a guessing game with the people in a crowd. Who was a bit like him? A bit other? A bit different? 

There was no question with you. Normally, he’d move on, but his eyes are drawn to you like a moth to flame. 

“You should talk to her.” Gojo says from beside him. They’re sitting down in a VIP area because of course, Gojo has access to a VIP area.

“No.” 

“What if I-”

“No.”

He thinks Gojo pouts. He doesn’t know. He isn’t looking at him. 

“So what? You’re just gonna stare at her like a creep?”

He ignores Gojo. It usually works, but there’s something about tonight that’s got Gojo particularly mischievous. Gojo is the one to approach. He’s the one to drag you back to your VIP section and have you sit next to a flustered Nanami. He sits smugly to Nanami’s left and you can’t tell if the blonde man wants to punch his friend or get up and leave. Eventually he relaxes and you convince him to dance with you.

Nanami just seems like the kind of guy who doesn’t let loose much. Like the kind whose buttons you push just to see him unravel. You guide him to the dancefloor, unknowingly past a smirking Shouko and wide-eyed Utahime. 

“Do you dance?” You ask him, leaning into his ear.

His breath ghosts your neck as he speaks. “Not typically.”

“I’ll teach you.”

Let’s imagine that the song playing is your favorite whining song. You gently grab his hands and turn your back to him, guiding his hands to your hips. Slowly, you begin to move and he just stands there awkwardly.

You laugh, leaning back slightly to speak in his ear. “You’re supposed to move with me.”

To your surprise, he laughs, too. His voice is husky. You think you smell alcohol faintly on his breath. “But, you move so well.”

“And I need someone who can keep up.” You say this with a grin to soften the blow. His grip tightens just a fraction as if goading you to move and you do. 

He moves with you. Not as well, but he moves all the same. He dances with focus because honestly, he's turned on and he's trying to keep his head in the game.

Thankfully, he's nothing if not a quick learner.

GOJO

Let’s flip the script. Same scenario. Gojo has decided to drag everyone to his favorite nightclub for Shouko’s birthday. Why? Because he’s Gojo, the honored one, so disconnected from reality that he thinks the best thing for Shouko is something other than another night spent lounging in a bar. They could do that any other day. In a world of high mortality rates, birthdays are rare and he’ll be damned if they celebrate his only surviving teammate living another year by doing something benign and boring. 

“You’ve been my teammate for so long, Shouko! What kind of guy would I be if I didn’t do something nice?”

“A better one,” Shouko deadpans. 

Utahime laughs loudly to goad him, but he knows Shouko. She’s rolling her eyes, but she’s smiling just slightly. She’s even got her nicest button up on. Maybe, she doesn’t want this as much as him but part of her is ready to have fun.

And he’s right because him and her are the only two dancing. Nanami and Utahime try, but they decide to instead go back to the VIP section and lounge. It would seem like he dances often, but honestly he doesn’t have the time. Gojo is the honored one. The heir to the Gojo clan. He’s constantly being pulled in a million different directions, being asked to put this fire out or save this city from annihilation. 

Dancing for him is a rare lovely thing. He doesn’t have his infinity on and the club lights, flashing and dark, are dim enough that his six eyes almost feel relieved.

You bump into him accidentally. Accidentally on your part. He could’ve easily dodged, but he didn’t particularly care enough to.

“Sorry!” You say, glancing up at him. You see a flash of bright blue eyes before they disappear behind black shades. Gojo holds his hand to his ear like he can’t hear you (he can).

You lean up into his ear. “Sorry.” 

“No problem,” he responds. “You can bump into me again if you want.”

You pull back and he’s grinning. You laugh.

Gojo’s easy to flirt with. Even if you turn away, satisfied with a snippet of conversation, he’s still around. He’s set his eyes on you and while he’s fine with you saying ‘no’, who would he be not to give you the opportunity to say ‘yes’ first. 

You can dance. Sure. There’s no question about that. But, it’s when your favorite song comes on that you fully let loose. You’re moving your hips, hands up in the air, and he’s watching you. Gojo’s the type of guy to come up behind you. He taps your shoulder first and holds his hands up, gesturing towards himself as he does a little two-step. It’s goofy, but it works.

Gojo doesn’t need much guidance. His hands are on your hip without question. He even makes a few comments here and there; a whisper or two in your ear about how good you are at dancing.

Don't stroke his ego or return his compliments. It'll go to his head and he won't let it go.

[hlficlibrary]

HL Fic Library 🤣 Fics With Humor

Remember to leave kudos and a comment on the fics you enjoyed to show your appreciation! You can find the library's other recs here.

🤣 Just Me, You, And This Box of Matches by tomlinsunshine @tornlinsunshine​ (M, 87k)

Louis is fairly sure that his new neighbour is going to destroy him. And also their apartment building, and the dumpsters outside, and all the forests within a thirty mile radius. But. Mostly him.

🤣 Harry Styles Cooks… by sunsetmog / @magicalrocketships​ (E, 61k+, wip)

In which Louis Tomlinson can’t cook, there’s a very special shower curtain, and Harry Styles used to be a baker.

Or: Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them.

🤣 Frankincense-ational by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup (T, 31k)

Harry Styles works at the Hillsyde Library with his friend Zayn and best mate Niall. It’s December, which means Christmas, which should be the happiest month of the year…

Except Niall just broke up with his boyfriend, Zayn needs to let up on the rules a little, and the library is getting their fire alarm system replaced, which means that for the next few weeks there are going to be firemen patrolling the library ‘looking for fires’ while the system is down.

Harry almost hits one of them with his car right off the bat - and of course he’s the hot one.

🤣 the butthole series by @kingsofeverything (E, 24k)

a series of standalone fics with a central theme

🤣 That's How I Know by @allwaswell16 (E, 19k)

Louis Tomlinson has just landed his dream job, coaching soccer at Augustus University. When he moves into a new house near campus, he meets his very fit new neighbor, English professor Harry Styles. Although their first meeting leads to an instant mutual dislike, the more Harry gets to know Louis, the more he likes what he sees.

Or the one where Harry’s African grey parrot spills his dirty secrets to his very hot neighbor.

🤣 Man, Deconstructed by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom (E, 13k)

Harry doesn’t need help getting laid and he certainly doesn’t need Niall to hire a professional to ‘sort him out’.

But when a gorgeous man turns up on his doorstep on his birthday to ‘lay some pipe’ in the back garden (who just happens to have the best arse Harry’s ever seen), his world is upended.

OR the one where a well-meaning best mate, a sculpture-worthy arse, and a heaping dose of misunderstanding combine to create sheer and utter chaos, and also, maybe, the best thing Harry’s ever found.

🤣 One Vote Can Rock the Boat by @2tiedships2 (M, 12k)

“Niall, I need you to come and vote with me tomorrow.”

“Lou, I know we’ve only been friends for about two years now, but I guess I’ve never explicitly told you I’m Irish?”

“You don’t have to vote, exactly,” Louis explained. “But I don’t want to go to a sex toy shop by myself.”

“Have I just entered an alternate universe? In what world does voting for the government correlate in any way to sex toys?”

Or the one where Omega Louis shows off his “I voted” sticker as one of the first 100 customers to get a free vibrator. The beautiful alpha behind the counter informs him that he’s customer 101.

🤣 autopilot by silkbombs (M, 11k)

Louis accidentally sends an unknown number a video of him giving a cockroach a funeral. The weirdest love story ensues.

🤣 Umbrielievable by nikogda / @cyphermedley (NR, 11k)

Three months ago they began to pick up a weak signal. They couldn’t decipher it and figured it was just a satellite they were picking up. Eventually, they were able to translate "Give us cheese" but the rest was still a mess. That message baffled them, and they immediately thought it may be a joke from another country.

Or, The one where Harry is an Alien from Uranus' moon, Umbriel whose inhabitants require cheese to survive.

🤣 Just Your Jinx by @larryatendoftheday (T, 10k)

Harry Styles may or may not have accidentally jinxed his extremely fit new neighbor, and it's not so easy to make things right.

🤣 For a day by bluegreenish / @greenblueish (T, 9k)

“While I appreciate that compliment - you’re right -, it’s not a prank. I swear. I tried calling Harry and Liam, but they aren’t picking up. And like, I don’t know what to do? I just woke up in Liam’s freaking body, and like, he’s a nice lad and everything, but I don’t want to be him?!”

Once again, tense silence fills the line for a second and Louis almost expects Zayn to hang up on him, but his friend speaks up again, voice urgent this time. 

“You’re serious?”

“One hundred percent. I swear.”

or, the one where Harry wakes up in Louis' body, Louis in Liam's, Liam in Niall's, Niall in Harry's and no one picked Zayn.

🤣 Only Been Here One Time by alienharry (NR, 9k)

“Good morning, Liam. Harry.” Louis nods at them both and then cocks his head. “Are you aware you have four nipples, Harry?”

Harry looks down at his chest, suddenly worried. He doesn’t know how many nipples humans have, but four must not be a usual amount. “Should I have six?”

“Not unless you’ve a litter of kittens to feed.”

The Alien!Harry fic I was destined to write 

🤣 Ain’t My Fault by @afirethatcannotdie (E, 7k)

“Liam, M4M is for sex! You posted in a sex forum about your missing jacket.”

“It is not for sex!”

“It is. Trust me.”

“Well, if it helps me find my jacket then I don’t really see why it matters. Besides, someone already texted me about it. This Styles guy’s coming over in a bit to get it.”

“You invited the avocado man to come get his jacket at our flat after posting on a sex forum. Do you see where this is going?”

“I really don’t.” 

“Someone is going to have to have sex with the avocado man!” Louis screeches, and Liam covers his ears.

AU. Liam posts an ad on the wrong section of Craigslist, Louis is pretty sure they’re gonna get murdered as a result, and Harry’s missing an avocado.

🤣 Porn To Be Wild by @fallinglikethis (E, 5k)

As Louis Tomlinson writes his One Direction fanfiction in a quiet, isolated corner of the local library, the last thing he expects is for the subject of his story to interrupt him in the middle of a sex scene. But that’s exactly what happens.

🤣 Absolute Beginners by @taggiecb (T, 5k)

Louis would like to think that Niall can't surprise him anymore. He never knows what his friend will come up with sometimes. But when he calls Louis in the middle of the night and asks him to come and hit on his friend, Louis can't help but let curiosity get the best of him.

🤣 Only Reason by @letsjustsee (NR, 5k)

“We are so lucky to have with us one of the leading experts on beekeeping in the modern age, Dr. Louis Draper.”No. No, no, no… “I know I speak for many of us when I say that this man’s books have guided our practice, or helped us get started,” Harry continued, and Louis watched as the crowd nodded their heads in agreement. Oh shit. No. What? No. But then Harry was gesturing towards him, saying “Dr. Draper?” into the microphone, the crowd was applauding, and Louis found himself walking up the stairs to the stage.

Or, Louis is most definitely smitten with Harry from the second he sees him, but he is also most definitely not the world's foremost expert on beekeeping. He decides to roll with it anyway.

🤣 Catastrophe (Or Not) by grapenight (G, 5k)

Based on the prompt: "Harry's a crazy cat person and Louis is the vet he keeps bringing his cats to with minor concerns like "she's been acting weird lately" and "he didn't poop today so I'm worried" but it's really just excuses to keep seeing Louis everyday"

🤣 Anywhere With You by sweetums / @darlou (T, 3k)

“Do you want some gum?” Louis’ lovely voice interrupts his train of thoughts.

“No, thank you.” Harry responds quickly.

What? ‘No, thank you’? What was he thinking? If Louis Tomlinson offers you gum, you take it. If Louis Tomlinson offers you a vial of vomit, you take it.

“On second thought, gum would be perfection.” Harry actually considers just dying right there as he reaches over to pry the piece of gum out of Louis’ perfect little hand, eyes flitting over to the other man’s amused face.

Why did he say that? He could’ve said, ‘I’ll have some gum’ or ‘gum would be great’ or even a simple ‘thanks’ but no, no, for Harry, ‘gum would be perfection’.

He loathes himself.

AU where Harry gets stuck in an ATM vestibule with Louis Tomlinson during a blackout. Inspired by Chandler and Jill Goodacre from Friends.

🤣 Oh Honey, Honey by @lululawrence (NR, 3k)

Louis hated honey. He didn’t like the flavour, he didn’t understand why some liked it in their tea, he hated when it was put on sandwiches or cake or anything really. But, standing stock still in front of a rather large display of honey in that 24-hour Tesco, Louis found himself grabbing the largest jar of “100% pure London-local honey” and adding it to his trolley, simply because he knew it would make Harry smile.

Louis always wanted to make Harry smile.

Or the one where Louis pines after Harry, Harry is passionate about helping save the bees, and a late night shopping trip gone wrong doesn't end quite as horribly as Louis imagines.

🤣 On the Go by @phdmama (T, 2k)

Prompt: ok so i saw a truck today and i thought it said MANSCAPE but it actually said MAINSCAPE and it was a landscaping company. but then i thought LARRY AU. where louis owns a landscaping company called MANSCAPE and harry thinks it’s some sort of in-home pubic hair grooming company, so he calls to make an appointment, there’s some discussion of whether he wants his bushes trimmed as well, and then when it’s time for the appointment, harry’s like half-naked waiting around in a robe or something and louis shows up with lawnmowers. 

🤣 Zoey by wabadabadaba / @bigxrig (G, 2k)

Harry knew his first name, but he liked the way Dr. Tomlinson sounded more. Harry watched as Louis unclasped her harness and set it aside and pet her back and under her chin. Louis kissed the top of her head and murmured sweet nothings to her- mostly about how pretty she is and how well behaved she is. Harry wished it was him.

or Harry has a huge crush on his cat's veterinarian and finally decides to do something about it.

🤣 Stole My Heart by @haztobegood (NR, 2k)

“Oh my god, Niall.” The door slams shut as Harry rushes into the flat. He’s still panting from his rush to get away from the scene of his crime. “You won’t believe what just happened!”

Niall is sitting on the couch in their tiny living room. He looks up from his laptop. “What happened?”

“The worst thing. I’ll never recover. I just reached into a box of free samples outside that new chicken restaurant. Only it wasn’t free samples. It was a man. Holding a box of chicken nuggets. His chicken nuggets. I stole this man’s food, Niall!”

[official-trainwrecks]

Trainwrecks: The Crew

Starting tomorrow, we'll be taking a closer look at our story's six main characters!

Three character bios will be posted this week and three more next week (ending with Dimitri because his birthday is on August 31st). Each character will have a dedicated bio page on Substack, which will be updated with new art and new information every season. You will also find the characters' Spotify playlists here.

If you hadn't guessed by the logo, the kiddos each have their own respective colors and icons. The banners at the beginning of every chapter will indicate whose POV the narrative follows that week. For reference:

Luna: yellow, star

Duke: red, camera

Victoria: orange, piano

Sebastian: green, guitar

Dimitri: blue, glasses

Jasmine: purple, cross

You can follow this blog or subscribe to the Substack for updates!

[cookies-over-yonder]

the taylor support crew

Taylor hasn't been acting like himself for a while, and Link and Scary try and help him out.

ao3

birthday gift for @abeinginsand!!! <333 :D

Scary had noticed Taylor being less chatty lately, but she tried not to think much of it since sometimes she’s not one for talking either, but now it’s just downright concerning.

Even during lunch when Link brings up an anime Taylor’s obsessed with to try and cheer him up he doesn’t say more than a couple words.

Scary would say she and Taylor are good friends, but they aren’t the closest in the world. So, she turns to someone who might know more.

“Hey, Link?” Scary asks, catching him in the kitchen before he heads back to the others on the couch. “Do you know what’s up with Taylor?” she says, more hushed.

“Every time I ask, he says he’s fine,” Link says, pouring a glass of water and grabbing a straw from the drawer, “but if I had to guess, I’d say he hasn’t been sleeping well.”

“I’m worried.”

“Me too,” Link says, putting the straw in the glass.

Scary follows Link back to the couch and Link hands Taylor the water and sits down next to him. Taylor immediately slumps over and rests his head against Link’s side, his eyes half lidded, with far too prominent dark circles underneath.

Scary sits on Taylor’s other side, watching Normal and Hermie sit on the floor playing some card game she doesn’t understand.

Not many words are exchanged for the next little while, and then it gets late. Normal and Hermie say their goodbyes and head out, and just as Taylor stands up and starts wordlessly packing up his stuff, Link makes a proposal.

“Hey, Taylor, you wanna sleep over tonight?” he asks, with a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, sure,” he says, sitting back down on the couch. His voice is quiet and weak.

“Can I stay too?” Scary asks, and Link gives her a quick nod.

She throws an arm around Taylor’s shoulders and pulls him closer. “You good, man?”

Taylor doesn’t respond. He stays staring at his lap in silence, and Scary notices his hands shaking.

She spares a glance to Link, whose concern appears to match her own.

“Taylor?” she asks again, shaking him a little. He looks up at her this time.

“Sorry, yeah?”

“Are you… ah, um, do you wanna watch something?”

“Sure,” he says, and nothing else.

Link grabs the remote and turns on the TV. Taylor’s Crunchyroll account is already on his TV, and Taylor shows no interest in picking a show, so Link chooses one at random.

Scary and Link pay more attention to Taylor than the TV, and Taylor doesn’t seem focused on anything at all. She’s not sure if he’s just really tired or straight up dissociatIng, but either way, it’s a cause for concern.

At one point, Taylor goes to take a sip of water and ends up spilling it all over himself, and he barely reacts at that, only sighing and putting down the glass. He just watches idly as Link helps wipe the water off his shirt with some spare tissues.

“D’you wanna get changed into pyjamas? I have a spare set,” Link says, and Taylor nods.

Link scoops Taylor up in his arms and carries him up the steps. Scary shuts off the TV, grabs her backpack and Taylors, and follows them a few minutes later, knocking on the door.

Link lets her in, and she sees Taylor in an oversized Garfield shirt and sweatpants lying flat on his back on top of Link’s bedsheets, eyes open.

Link sets up his sleeping bag next to the bed for Scary, but for now they both sit on the bed beside Taylor.

“Dude, have you been sleeping okay?” Scary asks, hovering over him and not expecting any sort of real answer, but taking a chance anyway.

He locks eyes with her, and then averts his gaze.

“Why do you ask?”

“Because you look fucking exhausted. And you have looked exhausted for the past week. And I’m getting worried.”

“Don’ worry,” Taylor mumbles, fighting to keep his eyes open.

Link gets up and flicks off the light switch before lying down beside Taylor and wrapping his arms around him. “You should go to sleep.”

“‘S early.”

“Well I’m tired,” Scary says. sliding off the bed and getting into the sleeping bag. Truly, she’s quite awake.

“Me too,” Link says, his voice muffled, Scary suspects from his face being buried in Taylor’s hair.

Scary takes this downtime opportunity to check her phone, to find a couple new texts from Normal.

Norm: is taylor okay?

Norm: he didn’t look too good today,,, i’m a little worried

Scary: definitely not ok

Scary: i’m still here, sleeping over w/ him and link

Scary: i’ll update you

Norm: okay, i hope he’ll be alright

Jesus, Link is already asleep. It’s been five minutes and he’s already snoring.

Hopefully Taylor’s asleep too.

Scary scrolls through Tumblr for a while before deciding to close her eyes too.

She definitely feels safer knowing her friends are in the same room as her.

Hopefully Taylor feels the same.

-

“Ow!” Scary yelps, jolting awake, and pushing whatever’s on top of her away. “What the fuck!?”

Then she hears a strangled whine, and sits up and opens her eyes to see Taylor curled up on the floor across from her, muttering to himself and breathing rapidly.

She hears a few words scattered in his nonsensical babbling: “Dad, no, fuck, no, Dad, Dad —”

Scary doesn’t know how Taylor hasn’t woken himself up with the sound of his own sobbing, but now it’s up to her.

She inches closer to him. “Taylor?” she says. “Taylor?” a little louder.

Okay. Okay. She puts a hand on his shoulder and shakes it. “Taylor!”

Taylor screams, and punches her arm away, his eyes snapping open.

“Ow, fuck! ” Scary clasps a hand over her forearm, trying to think through the pain. “You were having a nightmare, dude!”

He doesn’t seem to hear her, because all he does is curl in on himself and continue to hyperventilate.

Touching him again… definitely a bad idea. Fuck. Fuck.

She hears another snore from Link.

And then she hops onto his bed and shakes him awake.

“Link, Link, Link —”

“Huh, wha…?”

“Taylor’s freaking out, I need your help now .”

“Shit,” Link says, quickly hopping off his bed and kneeling down to where Taylor’s having his breakdown. “Taylor, hey, hey, it’s okay,” Link says, picking him up and carrying him back onto the bed and running his hands up and down Taylor’s arms.

Taylor draws his knees to his chest and buries his head in them, mumbling incoherently.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Scary mutters to herself, sitting on the bed with them and holding back from touching Taylor at all.

“Taylor, Taylor, can you hear me?” Link asks.

“My dad… he—he—he—” Taylor gasps, scratching at his arms. Taylor whines in what sounds like pain, and Scary thinks she might cry herself.

Link wraps his arms around Taylor and pulls him into a hug. “You had a nightmare, sweetie. Everything is okay. Your dad is okay. I promise.”

“Link,” Taylor mumbles into his chest between gasps.

“I’m here. Scary’s here too. It’s okay.”

“Scary,” he mumbles, reaching his hand out.

She holds it, and he squeezes hard .

Scary feels the tears sliding down her cheeks.

She never sees Taylor cry, let alone be this vulnerable, and it hurts.

“Bad dream,” he mumbles.

“Yeah, it was just a bad dream!” Scary says.

After a few minutes of Link whispering reassurances into Taylor’s hair, his breathing slows and he pulls away from the both of them.

“Sorry,” he says, swiping at his tears. “I’m okay. I’m okay. Erase that from your memory. Thanks.”

He gets up and starts to pace back and forth, shaking out his hands and sniffling.

“Have you been getting nightmares a lot lately?” Scary asks, trying her best to tread lightly.

Taylor glances at her, and then at her arm that she’s holding with her other hand, and he stops pacing. “Did I hit you?”

“Well—yeah but it’s because I startled you awake—”

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit—” Taylor says, his breathing picking up again, “Sorry, oh my god,” he mutters as he covers his face with his hands.

“It’s okay,” Scary says, getting up and giving him a hug. He melts into it. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“What was your question?”

“Have you been getting a lot of nightmares lately?”

Taylor tenses in her embrace.

“Dude…” she says, holding him tighter. “You know you can tell us about this stuff, right?”

“Yeah,” Link says.

Scary isn’t sure when Link got up, but he wraps his arms around Taylor too, and they share a group hug in the middle of Link’s bedroom.

“It—it’s just uh, it’s the same nightmare, really. Sometimes it changes, but… uh. Like it’s usually about my dad. Sometimes it’s about my mom. And one of them always ends up… dead.” Taylor sniffles and sobs quietly into her shoulder. “Sorry. My legs hurt.”

“Let’s sit down,” Link says, guiding Taylor back to the bed. Instead of sitting, he lies down face first on the blanket and screams into it.

“Taylor, we just wanna make sure you’re okay,” Scary says, putting a hand on his back and rubbing circles.

“Have you had a panic attack before?” Link asks.

Taylor turns around and looks up at Link. “I don’t know?”

“That was like, what happened when you woke up and you couldn’t breathe and stuff,” Scary says.

“Oh, then yeah. Every morning.”

“For how long?” Scary asks.

“I dunno, a month? A couple months? I don’t remember. I just wait it out.”

Scary and Link share a look.

That is not good.

“What?” Taylor asks.

“Have you told your mom about it?” Link asks.

“Sometimes I go to her if she was the one in my dream, but I usually try not to wake her.”

“Taylor… you… uh—getting nightmares and panic attacks every single day is not normal,” Scary says. “That’s, like, really concerning.”

“Yeah,” Link says, running his fingers through Taylor’s hair. “Can you call me next time that happens?”

“You want me to wake you up?”

“Yes. Please. I can’t stand the thought of you dealing with that all alone.”

“You can call me too. If you want,” Scary adds.

“Mm, you guys are being so nice to me,” Taylor says, turning to lie on his side and shutting his eyes.

“Because we’re your friends,” Scary says.

“And we love you,” Link adds.

Taylor doesn’t respond, and Scary notices how he’s breathing deeper already, so she lies down behind him and wraps her arm around him, and Link cuddles up with him on the other side.

[soaps-mohawk]

Hey fav author^^ how are you doing today? I hope your day went well.

I have a few questions. Some of them probably don’t really matter in whole to the story, but I think it would just help me grasp with the characters better.

My first question would be, how tall are the boys? Are they like the same height as they are in the games? (Ex: on their medical sheets, it says their height and all that) or are they more taller/shorter?

My second question is, when do most people start to present their like A/B/O rank? Is it a certain age, like when they reach adulthood or something? Or is it randomized?

My third question is, if the boys would ever go off deployment, like to visit family or something, would the reader stay on base or would she go with them? I doubt that’ll happen in the story, but I’m just somewhat curious lol.

I was also wondering if you could maybe do like, one of those flat maps (like floor plans I think-?) to show how the base is situated? Like who is where and how far certain buildings are. Don’t feel pressured to do it, just wondering.

Anyways, I hope the rest of your day and week goes well! Please remember to eat something, drink some water, get some rest, go and get some fresh air, and take a shower^^

Hello lovely anon!!! I've been alright. My headache finally went away but my neck still aches which is just making my head ache again 😭

Oh well, such is life I guess.

As far as the questions go,

The boys are the same height as they are in the games (going off the actors heights too cause I know we don't have all of them exactly lol). Price is 6'2, Gaz is about 6'0, Johnny is about 5'11, and Ghost is 6'3 roughly.

Most people present around age 16ish. It does vary, kind of like puberty (presentation is basically puberty in this universe lol) some might present as early as 13 or 14, some might be late bloomers and present around 17 or even 18. Typically if a pup hasn't presented by 18 (which is considered choosing age for omegas (yes that's supposed to feel gross)), then they're considered delayed and there needs to be some check-ups done to see what might be causing it, as that won't happen without some good reason like a medical issue or hormone imbalance, etc. Typical age though is around the 16th birthday, which is when reader presented.

Hmm it's hard to say? If they were all going at the same time then it would probably be rock-paper-scissors type situation to decide who she's going with. Like whose family wants to meet her the most kind of thing. If one (or more) are staying on base though, she might stay as well, or she could still go. Just kind of depends.

Sure! I can do a little floor plan drawing (you can see my terrible art skills lol). When I'm at my desktop next I'll whip out the drawing pad and do a floor plan and also maybe a layout of the reader's room as well, since I'm horrible at describing those things lmaoo

Take care of yourself too, anon!! The world is crazy out there.

[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

I had a nice evening with N., his Mom & her spouse, whose name's Felix. He is a musician. He plays e-bass & piano. He used to play in a band. Now he earns his money with private piano- or e-bass lessons. Before that, I never really met Felix. I thought he was more serious at 56. But I gotta say, I was positively surprised. He is quite a... jokester. In any case, he is a nice guy from whom I can learn a lot. Like playing the piano. Well, frankly, I still can’t play the piano. I guess I didn’t take it seriously.

After dinner N.’s Mom had a little chat with me and Nico. Only 2 months and 2 weeks left, but Nico and I still haven’t thought of a name for our Baby. We talked about it weeks ago, but we just couldn’t agree. Let's see...

After that N’s Mom took the opportunity to talk to me about.... some unpleasant topics. She and my Mom talked a lot about Nico and me. My Mom told her, that I married Daniel and also about the risks to my Baby, due to my addiction & pills. I'd love to run away. But N.'s Mom was always nice to me, so I decided to talk to her. She didn’t want to expose me or anything. She just wanted to make something clear.

N.'s Mom: You don’t have to talk to me about your marriage. I know how uncomfortable this is for you and I also know how it feels to divorce.

Me: I’m so sorry I wasn’t honest to you. I was so ashamed. I knew Nico and Stephanie were engaged and still got involved with him. And yea, I was also married. 😞

N.'s Mom: Don't worry about that.... Nobody is perfect A... Remember when you told me about your addiction? You thought this would change my mind about you. But you were and still are, such a nice girl. After you and N. broke up, I was... surprised & sad. But I never expected you, to call me and talk to me about it. I noticed when you visited P.’s Mom, that you avoided me. I want you to know, that I wasn’t upset about it. I know you were sad..... And yes, your high-risk pregnancy worries me, but I don’t judge you.

Me: I’m so glad you brought this up. Yk, I didn’t visit P.’s Mom and Fabienne often. It was hard for me to be there. I kept looking over to your house, thinking about N. It hurt sm... We all hurt each other a lot. In the end, I was glad it was over. I mean both of them! 😞... Still, I never want to be separated from N. again. As for my pregnancy, I’m really happy rn, but at the same time, also worried about my Baby. 😞

N.'s Mom: Whatever comes, you’ll make it... Your parents and I will help you. If, you want that.

Me: Thank you. I will certainly accept your help.

N.'s Mom: I hope you feel comfortable in this old house. There’s still so much to do, but I can handle it.

Me: The livingroom's so cozy & beautiful. The hallway upstairs looks a little creepy to me. But I think this gives the house that ...special charm. I kinda like it.

N.'s Mom: The house is old. It belonged to his parents and I knew we would have a lot of work here. But since I’m having a grandbaby, I thought, this is the perfect place for us.

Me: 😳Yeah, I get what you mean. I'm sure our little one will like it.

I felt very comfortable with N.’s Mom and Felix, they are both so nice. I hope the good mood remains. 😬 It’s N’s birthday soon, so his Mom invited Melanie too. She tried to reconcile us. I think N.’s Mom forgot how MEAN and insane her daughter is? 😠 Anyway, I'll try but... agh, Idk?

Previous/Next

[andreafmn]

Collision | Chapter 17

Word Count: 3.2K Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life is at its first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same. Chapter: 17/? A/N: I really hoped I would be able to also write for Speak today, but couldn't finish on time and wanted to post as I had scheduled. If I finish the chapter this week, I'll post it, but y'all will probably have to wait two weeks more 😬😬Anywho, prepare for some feels... you've been warned. My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts to support me and my love of writing or buy me a coffee Follow 😊 -> TikTok • Instagram • Business If you’d like to be tagged in this or any other story: click here Make sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post!

<- Previous | Next ->

Chapter 17

It wasn’t hard to figure out that Sam was planning a surprise party for her, especially when Jared had let it slip when she was over at her brother’s home. Accident or not, (Y/N) knew just what had been arranged for her 19th birthday.

“I swear, Sam. I had no idea she was here,” Jared had said.

“Don’t you have supernatural senses, Cameron?” (Y/N) laughed. “You should have known about it.”

“I’m not supposed to be on guard when we’re in the house,” he whined. “This is the place where we’re supposed to be relaxed and unaware. This is our safe space.”

“Technically, you should always be paying attention to your surroundings,” Sam responded. “That’s literally your job.”

“Also, when is she not here, dude?” Paul added with a chuckle. “If she’s not at work, she’s here.”

“I have other friends,” she grumbled, settling on the seat next to Paul. “Speaking of, are they invited to my party?”

“They would be if it weren’t for Paul,” Jared teased. “Can’t trust him not to go off at any given point when there are other people involved.”

“So, it’s only gonna be you guys, Emily and Kim? What a party,” (Y/N) laughed. “What about mom? Is she invited?”

Sam’s face contorted in an uncomfortable scowl. He knew the question would come. The obvious tension that existed between Sam and Allison Uley had been growing for almost a year, and the youngest Uley’s arrival only worked to cement the strain that had grown between mother and son.

“Okay, here’s what we can do,” Sam started. “We’ll have the party at the beach. A nice bonfire in a big open space where everyone can be. Paul will be on his best behavior and if anything happens, we’ll just leave.”

“Why does everything have to be so weird now?” she groaned. “This whole secret keeping just makes things harder.”

“Says the girl whose ex is a literal bloodsucker,” Jared chuckled without thinking. But as soon as he heard the words slip by his tongue, regret painted across his face. “Shit, (Y/N), I didn’t mean to say that.”

“It’s fine, Jared,” she smiled comfortingly. “You’re very right. It’s completely flabbergasting that my ex and his whole family are vampires. But I guess I dodged that bullet.”

After that afternoon, the Uley pack had set to prepare for (Y/N)’s first birthday back at the reservation. Everyone in town was happy to attend the bonfire. It was no secret that the Uley girl was loved around town. Even in her absence, all anyone could sing were high praises for her. So it was no surprise when the RSVPs started rolling in.

Quickly, the small gathering had turned into a party for the whole reservation. People were offering to bring plates of food and appetizers for the crowd that was forming, they offered their grilling and bonfire-making services, swiftly making Sam’s job simply inviting people and setting the time.

And somehow in the four days that were left, a whole town party was being set up. It was a stark contrast to the bonfire that had been set only two months before when the Cullens had left Forks. That one had been a fierce celebration as their ancestral enemies had finally left the land. Now, they were celebrating the life of one of their own — her achievements and her future endeavors. A joyous occasion in honor of a valuable member of their community.

At least, it was meant to be joyous, and (Y/N) knew that. She knew she should have been excited to be amongst her people. The same people that had seen her grow and had grown alongside her. The very people she knew she could count on whenever she might need them. She knew all that.

But it was such a bittersweet moment. She was constantly surrounded by people that loved her, but there was something missing. There was someone missing.

He had come into her life and, in so little time, he flipped it on its feet. He had made her believe that every decision, every moment, every second of her existence had led her to that instance —had led her to him.

And as swiftly as he had barreled into her life, he was fine. He had taken every promise, every declaration, every whisper of love with him. And it had left her with an emptiness that couldn’t be filled by anyone else. (Y/N) could only focus on herself —her career, her friendship, her family. But never again would she focus on love. Not when she knew how it could drastically transform her journey.

“Hi, honey,” her mother said as she peeked into her room. She had been staring at her reflection for what felt like hours, even if she knew it had barely been minutes. “You look beautiful.”

“Thanks, mom,” she smiled. “So do you.”

Allison had chosen a long dark red dress, her black jacket toning down the color even more. She had braided her hair and had put on makeup, but (Y/N) could see the years on her face. She could see having to raise two children on her own, having to work two jobs to keep the lights on, the pain of losing her son, the knowledge that one day she could lose her daughter as well. It was all the secrets and the hardships that she had gone through, that her family had put her through.

Those were the moments when (Y/N) wanted to tell her everything, every single detail that had derailed her mother’s life without her knowledge. She wanted to confess that she wasn’t alone in her pain, that the hurt she had carried most of her life was shared between each of the Uley family members. Instead, all she could do was remain quiet.

“Are you excited for tonight?”

“For the most part,” (Y/N) admitted. “It might be just a tad overwhelming. Heard through the grapevine that almost the whole rez is gonna be there.”

“You’ve gone to many bonfires, honey,” she chuckled. “What’s different about this one?”

“That I’m the guest of honor, mom,” the girl chuckled softly. “I’m gonna be the center of attention and that feels weird.”

“Well, I’ll be right there next to you, holding your hand.”

“Thanks, mom. I would never be where I am without you.”

Her mother smiled brightly, wrapping her arms around her tightly. “Oh, sweetheart that’s all you,” she said. “You’ve gotten this far because you’re bright and talented, and so hardworking.”

“And because I’ve had a mom that made all of that possible,” (Y/N) added. “I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, honey, more than you could ever know,” Allison smiled as she released her daughter. “And I have something for you. I wanna do it here, where it’s just you and me.”

The woman reached into her pocket, pulled out a black box, and handed it to her daughter. She followed expectantly every move, excitement filling her. Inside rested a crescent moon pendant that was engraved. As soon as her eyes fell on the necklace, tears formed in the corner of the girl’s eyes.

“Is this your pendant, mom?”

“Yes, honey,” she smiled. “It had been my mother’s, and her mother’s before her, and so on. I have been holding onto it until I felt it was time to pass it down to you. And I think there is no better time than now.”

“Oh, mom, you have no idea how much I’ve wanted this necklace,” (Y/N) said. “But I’ve always wondered, what do the markings mean?”

“After hardship comes ease,” her mother responded. “It’s what my mother would always say and I know how much you might need that reassurance now. Hard times pass, my darling. Even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.”

“I know, mom,” the younger Uley breathed, melting into her mother’s touch as Allison placed a comforting hand on her cheek. “I just wish that time came sooner rather than later.”

“Give time to time, (Y/N). We can’t rush things.”

“I know,” she sighed. “And I’m trying. I really am.”

“I’m sure of that, my darling,” Allison said. “But tonight is about you and not about what has happened or has stopped happening. We’re gonna celebrate your birthday and forget these past couple of months. Use tonight as your time to unwind and prepare yourself for what comes next.”

“I will. I just need a couple of minutes to finish getting ready.”

“Alright, honey. Let me know when you’re done and we’ll go down to the beach.”

As soon as her mother was out of the room, (Y/N) went back to perceiving herself. She stared at the bags that had formed under her eyes, the long restless nights evident on her face. Her fingers traced where her cheeks had seemed to hollow after months of terrible eating habits. She gawked at the lost gleam in her eyes, the emptiness that peeked behind her pupils.

She was a completely different girl than the one that had come back to La Push, and in a few months,  she would be another her. There was a (Y/N) before him. There was a (Y/N) during him. And there would now be a (Y/N) after him. Even if she had not planned for it, she would have to do it.

“It’s now or never,” she whispered to herself.

As she left her room, (Y/N) gave herself a once over. She smoothed down her navy-blue dress and put on a jacket. She was determined to put every sad thought, every bad moment to the back of her mind. He would never again be the reason she wouldn’t enjoy life.

Before she could reach the beach, she could hear the whispered commotion. Even if she knew the party was happening, she was still surprised. Where she was expecting a small group of her friends, it seemed like the whole town had come out to celebrate. As soon as she was close enough, everyone turned and yelled, “Surprise!”

Everyone she knew welcomed her with a smile on their face. People came up to her wishing her a happy birthday and telling her how glad they were she was back home. Even Charlie Swan had popped in for a bit, congratulating her and asking if she’d go by to see Bella. They gave her hugs and kisses, wishing her blessings for the coming years. It was the warmth of a community that she had not felt for four years, giving her a feeling of belonging she had no idea she craved.

“I think more people turned up to your birthday than for the last community bonfire,” Paul said as he joined her side and sat on a piece of driftwood.  The party was in full swing already. Plates of food had been passed out, children were playing, teenagers were talking, and the pack was keeping to themselves. “Hope you were still surprised.”

“I was,” (Y/N) smiled. “Didn’t think many people would care. I mean, it’s just my birthday. Not even a huge milestone. Just nineteen.”

“I think you’re underestimating just how much the people here love you. And any year is a milestone in my book,” he offered. “You made it another year. That’s an accomplishment in itself.”

“I also got approved by the board at UW to start taking aptitude tests,” she confessed. “I’ll spend the better part of December and January taking all kinds of exams to be able to slide into the next round of rotations.”

“Holy shit, (Y/N), that’s amazing!” Paul exclaimed as he twirled her in a tight hug. “It’s almost a miracle.”

“I know,” she added. “I don’t know what out there in the universe is looking out for me, but I’m glad it is. I honestly thought it would never happen. But I got the call yesterday afternoon. It’s really happening.”

“Well, they’re lucky to have you. I can’t think of anyone that would be a better doctor than you.”

“You’re just saying that, Paul,” she chuckled. “But I’m thankful for that vote of confidence. I’m just glad things seem to be moving forward. I really thought I’d be stuck in the same place for a while there.”

“I knew you’d make it out eventually,” he smiled. “Also, I got you something. And I promise it’s not sex coupons. I know I can get that for free.”

“You’re about to get those privileges revoked if you keep talking like that,” she laughed in response. “But I’ll grant you that comment because it seems Sam did not hear you.”

Paul laughed loudly, making a few heads snap back toward them. “But it’s something serious,” he continued as he handed her a wrapped box that had been resting by his feet. “It took me a while to get it, but I hope you like it.”

(Y/N) took hold of the box, carefully ripping away the neat wrapping paper —a job she was sure had been done by Emily. Inside the box, in perfect condition and wrapped in plastic, was a first edition of Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. She ran her hands over the cover. She studied the spine. She inspected every single detail of the book, and it was perfect.

“Oh my god, Paul, it’s absolutely beautiful,” she joyfully cried. “But this must have cost you an arm and a leg. You shouldn’t have spent that on me.”

“I wanted to,” he beamed. “I know how much you like books so I asked Kim if she could help me get you something special.”

“It’s more than special, Paul. It’s a one-of-a-kind gift,” she smiled as she engulfed him in a hug. “I love it so much.”

“It’s as special a gift as you are,” he continued. Paul raised his hand to her cheek, tucking behind her ear a loose piece of hair. “Also, you look beautiful tonight. I don’t think I’ve told you that yet.”

“Thanks,” she replied, feeling the unnatural warmth of his skin seep onto hers. “I’m glad you’re here, Paul. And I’m grateful that you’re my friend.”

“For better or worse, (Y/N),” Paul added. “You know I’ll always be by your side.”

“You better mean that, dude. Cause I’ll hold you to it.”

“So will I,” Sam’s voice startled them. “You might be a part of my pack, but that’s my little sister right there.”

“By a couple of months at best, Sammy,” (Y/N) grumbled. “And I can handle myself perfectly. Thank you very much.”

“Doesn’t mean I won’t always be looking out for you, (Y/N),” he smiled. “Now, come on. It’s time for cake.” 

The rest of the night went by quickly. They sang her happy birthday, they passed around cake, and they told stories by the fire. The same stories she had heard since she was just a little kid. The same stories that related the lives of the ancestors of their tribe. The same stories she knew were anything but fiction.

One second, she was staring at the figures that were dancing in the fire, showing her the past. The next, she was heading back home, a heap of presents overfilling her arms. “I’m so tired,” (Y/N) whined to her mother. “I could sleep for two weeks if I could.” 

“Unfortunately, you can’t,” Allison chuckled. “But at least you’ve got the rest of this week.”

They laughed in unison, knowing that the least she would do was actually rest. The only time she would probably have a full night’s rest was that night and it would have been out of pure social exhaustion.

But mother and daughter stopped dead in their tracks when they reached the front door of their house. Right in front of the wooden door were three presents elegantly wrapped in silver paper, the same paper she had seen days before her world fell apart. 

“I’m guessing those are for you,” her mother said. “Do you know who could have sent them?” 

“Maybe they’re from the team at the hospital,” (Y/N) thought quickly. “They couldn’t make it tonight because they were pulling double shifts.”

“That was nice of them,” Allison responded, accepting her daughter’s answer. “That wrapping paper is beautiful.” 

“Yeah,” she choked out. “Can you help me bring them up to my room, please?”

“Of course, darling.” The woman took the three boxes under one arm and opened the door before following her daughter up the stairs. “Alright, (Y/N). Well, I’m going to bed because I have an early shift tomorrow and I’m pretty beat. But, happy birthday, sweetheart.” 

“Thanks, mom. Good night.”

“Night, honey.” 

Allison left the room, shutting the door behind her and (Y/N) felt she could finally let go. She felt her blood run cold inside her body, her limbs trembling at the realization of just who had sent those presents. Even though they had ripped themselves from her life, they somehow kept appearing.

With shaking hands, she opened the first gift that was tagged with a note that said From Rosalie. It was a leather notebook, the cover engraved with the words: Dr. (Y/N) Uley. And on the first page, in beautiful calligraphy, she wrote: I may not be the one who sees the future, but I know you have a bright future ahead of you. Love, Rose.

The next one was labeled From The Cullens. It was a small black box that stored a necklace with the Cullen crest engraved onto a circle charm –small and modern. And it was attached to a note that said: Already part of the family.

(Y/N) could feel the warm tears stream down her cheeks. Her lungs ached at the shortness of air, filling as best as they could as she sobbed quietly. She knew the gifts weren’t sent with malice. A high probability that they had been ordered long before everything had gone awry. But it didn’t stop the wrenching of her heart.

There was only one box left and she knew exactly who it was from. She took the long box in her hand, ripping away the paper violently. She was surprised that it had some weight to it, her mind trying to anticipate what could have been inside before she raised the lid.

On a bed of sating rested a silver stethoscope with blue rubber. Engraved on the instrument's bell, in beautiful cursive letters, it read: Dr. Uley-Cullen. In addition, a card that read For our future.

Those couple of words completely broke (Y/N) down. She fell to her knees, feeling as if the weight of the past few months fell upon her. She muffled her shrieks with her pillow, not wanting to alarm her mother.

Suddenly, everything she thought she had started to get over rose to the surface and hollowness filled her core. As the tears kept falling, she could feel the painful hole in her chest grow deeper and deeper.

He had planned a future for them. A future where she was a part of their family. A future where they would take on the world, together. Yet he had thrown it all away in a second, without another thought. Without ever looking back. He had built everything so high to let it all topple down.

He had left her to pick up the pieces of her broken heart and rebuild a life on her own. And that was the only thing she would allow him to have. She would create a life for herself, by herself, and she would prove to him that she was bigger than her heartbreak.

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[moo-blogging]

Late night thoughts #85:

Modern day Levi with a teenage daughter (+ slightly suggestive at the end)

"Absolutely not." Levi crossed his arms.

"It's just 1 day, it won't kill me!" Livia crossed her arms too.

Both father and daughter having the same black hair, the same eye colour crossed their arms while glaring at each other across the dinner table.

Levi signed. "Instant noodles are bad for your health. It's just salt and chemicals. You are not having it during your sleepover."

"Everybody has instant noodles at their sleepovers! It's just one day!" Livia puffed.

It was your daughter, Livia's 16th birthday next week and Levi finally agreed to host a sleepover in the house, inviting a couple of her friends over. Levi had been doing detailed planning to ensure no boys would be coming and insisted on having every friend's parents' phone number. He even wrote an itinerary 1 month before the actual event. But now Livia wanted make those Korean instant noodles she saw on her social medias at home with her friends.

"You are not having that unhealthy chemicals on your birthday, and that's final! Now eat your dinner, lady!" Levi pointed at Livia's untouched food.

"Hpmh!" Livia swallowed her food so fast she left the table within minutes.

..

You lean on the side of the sink as you wiped the wet plates passed by Levi. You could feel Levi's anger as he scrubbed the plates.

"Love?" You started.

"No, I'm not going to let her eat that nasty plastic noodles. We made sure she had healthy, organic food for years and now she wants to eat some noodles in a packet that comes with flavoured powder just because some brats made videos about it? No, I will not allow that." Levi passed you another clean plate.

"Levi, my love," you signed, "Livia has been a good girl. She has been eating all her vegies since young. And she does her exercises with you. But now she wants to explore more. She's at that age now."

"No, she can explore the good things." Levi scrubbed on the already shiny plate, "these are not good for her."

"Levi, love, you know very well Livia is very much like you." You thought about how they both crossed their arms at the table, and the way they glared at each other with fire in their eyes, "and you know she could have done it behind your back if you keep stopping her. Would you have listened when you were 16?"

Signing, Levi twisted the tap off and turned to look at you. "You knew I was not in a good situation back then. But I really don't want Livia to have those unhealthy things. I want Livia to have what I didn't."

Setting the plate down on the island, you took a step forth toward your husband. "Well, sometimes what is best for them is to let them grow. I know you love Livia, I lover her too." You lean into your husband's chest and snake your amrs around him, "What don't we make a noodle bar for them? With our own ingredients but taste like instant noodles. It's a win-win. Livia can make the orders. And the girls can have fun too." You looked at your husband expectedly.

Levi wrapped his arms around your waist and planted a kiss on your nose "what would I do without you? You're always so smart when it comes to things like this. A noodle bar sounds nice."

Levi signed. "Guess I have to re-plan the menu."

Your palm on his jaw, you pulled Levi's face in and kissed the side of his lips, "you're so amazing, my love."

Levi turned his head and planted a kiss on your lips, "who is going to tell Livia?"

"You." You giggled as you tapped his butt cheek. "You gotta continue being her favourite parent."

Levi exhaled a laugh. "Why don't we have another kid whose favourite parent is you?" He squeezed your butt.

[queenpiranhadon]

GUESS WHOSE BIRTHDAY IS NEXT WEEK HAHAHHA

@cinematics06 :)