#guess who's caught THE FUCK UP
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Teach me how to be fascinating
#interview with the vampire#devil's minion#armand#daniel molloy#iwtv#the vampire armand#guess who's caught THE FUCK UP#this guy right here#mine
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another thing i've been trying to do recently is read more self-published stuff. "but fell," you say, "you're a self-published author. surely you've been reading self-published stuff all along" and then i laugh for so long in response we both become uncomfortable.
see, the fear (which has for a long time been killing my mind) that i'll read other self-published stuff and find out that it's so much better than mine that i might as well stop writing forever kept me from doing that basically ever. i have a hard time not unfavorably comparing my work to others and had convinced myself i was being smart by withholding an avenue of de-motivation (reader: i was not being smart). it also doesn't help that i'm pretty low income and have a hard time spending money on books i haven't already read, and that self-published stuff isn't always available at the library---but really a lot of it was just me being a coward. which i'm working on. i could talk about how this particular cowardice is Very Silly, but i think enough has been said about it on writeblr and in the Writing Space in general that i don't feel the need to (though i will if anyone wants me to).
instead, i wanna talk about the self-published things i have read in the past few months and ask about the self-published things you love!
so: what happened was i got real sick, and while i was real sick i (naturally) read over 200,000 words of ace attorney fan fiction in the span of a few days. eventually i got bored of it (and also maybe annoyed at how people were characterizing some of my guys), but i still wanted to read something gay and romantic and nice, something i knew was gonna end happily, which isn't my typical fare.
now you may be saying (having gotten over all the uncomfortable laughter from earlier) "fell, you write gay romance. what do you mean that's not your typical fare?" listen. until a couple months ago i hadn't read a cut and dry romance novel since before i finished college. for context: i graduated in 2015. i know it doesn't make sense. i'm a guy who doesn't make sense.
but in this case it worked to my advantage. not the not making sense thing, but the not having read Published Romance in 1000 years thing. I didn't know where to start. I was very skeptical of everything the library had Available Now in the Gay Fantasy Romance category. what if it was all bad and also not good?
and then i scrolled past the familiar cover of our very own @ashen-crest's A Rival Most Vial.
now this was comfortable territory! this was a novel by a very nice writeblr person whose posts i enjoy! i already loosely knew the plot, i was familiar with the characters, i knew the names of things like rosemond street and the griffin's claw and that ambrose had blue hair and that at the end of it all there would definitely be Boyfriends. i didn't have to worry that this would be bad! i only had to worry that it would be really good!
but i wasn't worried about that, because i was officially Not Writing at the time, and because why the hell hadn't i read this book yet Ash literally emailed me some very kind words last year when my cat died??
Y'all, I devoured ARMV. If you haven't read it yet---especially if cozy fantasy is more your thing than it is mine---you should check it out Immediately. It was fun! It was heartwarming! It was sweet and earnest and confident! I was delighted to find it was occasionally hot! Ambrose and Eli snuggled up into my sick exhausted heart and found a permanent little place there. (Especially Ambrose. I have such a thing for Stiff Guys who Kind of Suck for Tragic Backstory Reasons and are So So Lonely They Don't Even Realize It. gawd)
(And a very small part of my brain spent the whole time wondering why I had been so afraid to really engage with the work my community is doing. The community that I'm in. The one I'm a part of. Why?! Maybe more on that later.)
But from there the curse was broken! I immediately devoured @stjohnstarling's What Manner of Man in a similar sort of frenzy (and hooooly shit guys am I excited for the expanded, finalized version to come out at the end of next month!) and started digging into @lurinatftbn's The Flower that Bloomed Nowhere (which I can already tell is going to be an All Time Favorite).
And now I want to ask you what your favorite self-published books are so that I can read them, too, but I think I will in another post that doesn't dedicate so much space to talking about my various and sundry Issues and isn't Terminally Long
#my god the library. darling. beloved. breath of my life and heart of my soul.#i should make a post about her#also. and maybe i'll make a separate post about this at some point too#but i truly think the free serialized webnovel rough draft ala What Manner of Man is The Future#i should probably make a whole separate post about all these novels too tbh.#boutta become Posting Guy. The Guy Who Posts#and writes novels in the tags. but i've always been like that#i never talked about the dream i had where i was emry karic from the lutesong series did i? i totally meant to. fucked up!#so i had a dream where i was emry karic.#I (emry karic) was fleeing a bunch of elves in a forest with my mom and sister (who were fully my irl mom and sister)#they thought i had done a murder and were chasing me (emry karic) with spears and stuff. they almost caught me#but i managed to escape. later i came upon a weird old-timey fantasy carnival.#and for some reason one of the fun attractions at this carnival was A Day in Court#where you watch someone defend themselves in court.#you'll never guess who had to defend himself in court and what the charges were!#notably there were no other characters from the lutesong series involved.#and i also have yet to read any of the books in the lutesong series. emry and his flower crown simply invaded my brain out of nowhere#i thought about turning this post into separate posts or rewriting it or smthn because it's so long and all over the place but#that sort of defeats the whole trying to just post and not be so up my own ass about it that i never actually post thing#so here you go#if you are also someone who struggles or once struggled with reading other people's stuff because of self esteem issues. hi!#we're now spidermen pointing at each other
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I just don't understand people who don't do a COVID test when they get sick
#like yes of course for some people thats not affordable#but for the vast majority money isnt the issue#i picked up a sore throat and congestion over the weekend and figured it was allergies#i was pretty damn sure but i coughed last night and thats unusual#so i bit the bullet and at 7 fucking am this morning i went and found a covid test before work#good thing too because by the time i got to work the test was positive#because of that im within the window for paxlovid#and i havent really exposed that many people#my brother in christ this shit kills people#its not the common cold#the responsible thing to do is to test when youre fucking sick#and isolate if you know its covid#i have no idea on what criteria i qualified for paxlovid but im guessing it was asthma#heres hoping my mcas doesnt throw a tantrum about this#its entirely possible i caught this from my coworker#who did not test at all and stopped wearing a mask after a day or two#they know about my health issues and i cant help but feel hurt about how little they cared about the possible consequences to me#i should be fine btw im not even feeling particularly sick#salt baby talks#disability#chronic illness
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i’ll not ever let anything hurt any of you, ever again.
Who's the real monster haunting the narrative? Find out for yourself: read The Lemonade Leak on AO3.
I believe this delightful little child belongs to you, @turtleinsoup?? 💙
#seriously the latest chapters have been so fucking good#i am all caught up and now i suffer#that boy ain't right#he died and came back wrong#anyways expect about 10 billion more drawings for this fic#because it made me go feral and you all need to be infected as well#so I guess this is a turtle blog now huh???#consistency? who is she? I do not know her.#you get subjected with tons of fan art of whatever piece of media is giving me brain worms at the moment#the lemonade leak#rottmnt#rottmnt fanart#leonardo rottmnt#leonardo tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leonardo#tmnt fanfic#tmnt fanart#rottmnt leo#rottmnt fanfiction#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles fanfic#ao3#ao3 recs#ao3 fanfic#cw: blood#tw: eyestrain#save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#miss misnomer#cw: horror
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hm. might fuck around and draw some other peoples ocs just for funsies when I have time its a nice change of pace from what I usually do
#im not gonna do requests since I dont want to promise too much to anyone#but if people are interested in me drawing their ocs I guess like this post? and then I'll go through and find some to draw when I have tim#mutuals I might just draw ur ocs regardless I hope thats okay#ive been wanting to do that for a bit but I always get worried it'll be like...weird or something? IDK but im fuck it we balling#I keep getting really caught up in really big complicated ideas and like#its nice to just draw something a little different than that#I do have some bigger projects on the backburner but I think it'll help to just doodle some new guys as warmups or smth#to remember how to work with the basics instead of like. one million factors.#also who knows if ill stick with this when it isn't 11:30pm but I have been looking forward to artfight and im realizing I dont have to wai
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Spite is an incredibly powerful motivator and i wish it drove me more
#guess who locked the fuck in for the first time ever#me#guess who caught up in one night out of spite#thats right#im crushing this shit#software technology issues will not stop me!!!!!
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Oden's prophecy of young pirates coming to save wano becoming yamato's hope for his freedom.... and him becoming oden because of it.... it's just so good... on the other side luffy taking ace's spot for liberating yamato... I think I hauve covid
#the spades pirates in wano to save children... omg... deuce.... i have heard so much of you....#yamato complaining about how eveyrhing is his father's fault and ace getting violent...#it is so sad that in the end it was (partially maybe) his father's fault... if not roger then whitebeard..... maybe both#the hibiscus flowers..... rouge....#yamato telling ace he talks too much about luffy.... omg.....#NAMI TELLS TAMA LUFFY LOST ACE TOO!!! AND LUFFY CAME BACK TO WANO BC ACE SAID HE WOULD!!! OMG...... THE LINGERING.....#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1014#pink haired samurai is still alive and kicking... hell yeah....#ODEN WAS THE SECOND COMMANDER FOR WHITEBEARD??? OMG???#whitebeard dealing with his rebellious son ace akshaksjak.....#ace wanting to save wano for his husband and child but wb wouldn't let him bc he is still caught up about his ex husband's death... complex#TEACH GO TO HELL!!! FUCK YOU!!! DIEEEE!!!!#they can't put luffy crying about ace dying here again.... tama feeling bad about yelling at luffy....#YAMATO KNOWS ABOUT THE D????#big mom wants robin.... i mean of course.... curious about pudding and her third eye.... we will meet again i guess...#PONEGLYPH!!!! kaido little borther to mom...... god valley.... rox.... i remember.... she gave him his power omg...#episode 1015#ace face down smiling after whitebeard beats him up reminded me of ace dead smiling. hell on earth this is my last straw. goodbye.#the animation <3 ace i love you <3 yamato you are great <3#omg... little ASL with the big pirates saying he will become pirate king omg...#PAUSE!! ACE HEARING GOOD THINGS ABOUT ROGER AND SAYING HE SOUNDS NICE THIS IS CRUCIAL TO MY ACE LORE OMG#yamato didnt say who it was... did ace really die not thinking his father was good this is my roman empire... critical hit to my brain#yamato made aces vivre card.... should i end it all for realsies this time....#his cunty skate boat 😭😭😭😭 i could cry#he really is looking like a beautiful dead wife this episode.... yamato......the vivre card omg..... NOT THE FLASHBACK ENOUGH#THE TRANAITION BETWEEN ACE FALLING OFF LUFFY AND HIM FALLING TO THE GROUND OMG AKFBSKDNDKSKLWKWNSKWK NOOOOOO#OH FINALLY THEY ARE ALL THERE TO FOGHT BIG MOM AND KAIDO!!! FUCK YEAAHHHHHH a good drag for the mugis for good measure#episode 1013
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society if the duffers had gone through with their original plan to have mike go to the upside down in s1 to find will
#byler#it's enough for me to know that he WOULD but i still would have liked to see it........ but i guess there's still s5..... sniffles n cries#when will's ankle gets caught in a vine n vecna goes YOINK n u just see mike's eyes go crazy wide as he starts sprinting after him faster#than he ever has tripping stumbling falling in a very mike fashion but he keeps going n he doesn't make it in time but it doesn't matter#it doesn't matter bc he's NOT going to lose will again he's NOT going to lose him on HIS watch a-fucking-gain he won't he CAN'T#and maybe it's a party affair so he looks back at lucas n dustin who are almost there and they're screaming after#him BECAUSE MIKE WAIT STOP MIKE WE DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT WEAPONS but mike just furrows his brow and goes in#bc he's the heart he's the paladin he's going to lead them and he's going to save will because will needs him but also he needs will#and. and um. well. then i fucking die of course#OR COULD U IMAGINE IF will goes on a solo mission and he thinks he's managed to sneak away but mike pops up like 'what are you doing? 🤨'#bc he always sees will and he always knows when something is up and it's a crazy plan but they did say crazy together and that they'd be a#team no matter what and that they would kill vecna so liek. do u see what im saying are u seeing my visions are u feeling my insanity rn .#they get surrounded or trapped somewhere and will casts fog cloud n saves the party like he did in a previous campaign. etc etc#dustin is their bard who has snacks n keeps things lighthearted mike leads the way n will is at his side n lucas is their eyes n ears n it'#almost like one of their campaigns bc the show started with that and those were their roles when will was missing and now it'll end#like that and so on n so forth. nods mhm mhm#takes deep breath ok back 2 studying i go byeeee
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neurotypicals are so frustrating,, i keep forgetting that "can you do x" means "go do x"
#yesterday i was At Work#i opened alone (we are so fucking understaffed)#at like 945 (coworker came in at 10) these two women-#who until now have done NOTHING managery. they have walked around and talked to each other and asked questions#come up and in a pissy voice like um why hasn't group started#i say i'm the only one back here#'well can't you start ONE group?'#no...im the only one back here#'can you start individuals?' yeah i'll ask [host lead]#(annoyed voice) 'um why do you have to ask her?' because i'm not a lead so she's in charge?#(angry voice) well WE are GENERAL MANAGERS and we are TELLING YOU to do SOMETHING like START INDIVIDUALS#like. chill i am literally just some guy and i am the only guy back here#i also feel its worth noting that apparently since they caught me in the hallway they assumed i hadn't been doing anything#when in reality i hadnt sat down since i got to work. all i did was doing things. there is more to my job than Watch Dogs. especially when#im the only guy doing any of the anything#and i couldnt start individuals immediately because i had to do spot cleans. because i prioritized Not Letting Dogs Sit In Their Own Shit#before dog getting some playtime#like. yes i am a Lower Level Employee. yes i havent worked here that long. but i have worked here longer than you#and im gonna take a wild guess that i care about the dogs more than you#also worth noting that i got no breaks that day (if you work a 6+ hour shift you get a 30 and a 15 at my work)#so i sat down for a total of 5 minutes and that was to take a piss#for context. i worked 7 hours. 6:15am to 1:15pm.#so i have a Bad Feeling about these new general managers. really hope im wrong and this is a one-off thing but. ohhhhh boy
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VAL SILT VERSES. BLORBO MATERIAL.
#I KNOW THIS ONLY MEANS ANYTHING TO LIKE THE 2 OF YOU WHO ARE CAUGHT UP BUT MMMMM#I WAS THINKING SHE WAS FUCKING FASCINATING IN HOW SHE TWISTS THE ENTIRE NARRATIVE EVEN MORE UNRELIABLE THAN USUAL#AND IT IS DELIVERIIIIING#oooh god you all KNOW i love me an antagonist with unlimited power#whose pain comes from what getting that power cost & who can make anything true and real that they want#how Fucked Up that makes a person. nova theses although val's personality is clearly. nothing like hers#the silt verses#the silt verses spoilers#i guess???
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No seroquel means no sleep for me I guess. I've been trying for hours
#decided if im gonna be awake i may as well do something other than wallow in thoughts that cause me anxiety#just super fucked up that i went from believing i could no longer feel romantic attraction#to suddenly being flooded with feelings#and like he didn't even confess romantic feelings for me he just said hed be down to fuck sometime#usually id just be like yeah that's fine i don't usually catch feelings#so it's fucking me up that im having romantic feelings towards someone who probably doesnt feel that way#and it's fucking me up that i caught feelings from being TOLD he'd like to fuck we haven't even done that#sigh i can't pretend like those feelings weren't already there and just extremely repressed....#kept having so many dreams about being in love w him... I'd do everything i could to shake the feeling off#it comes down to insecurities#feeling like i make too many mistakes to be with someone as good as him#the fear that I'll stress him out#one of the most amazing people I've ever met. he has respected my boundaries for years#and i guess those boundaries were only firmly in place bc i knew deep down it would spark something#honestly i felt a huge spark hours before he even told me#whenever he came up behind me and hugged me on the neck#his lips accidentally brushed against my neck and i swooned#we haven't talked since that night but he said he wants to have a conversation about it when he's not busy#he has two jobs#his 2nd one lasting til 1am#but yeah thinking about what he might say is making me nervous#like what if he suddenly decides that it IS too risky#i don't think ill be able to kick these feelings#at least i let him know head on that i might fall in love w him if we pursue anything else#but we haven't even pursued shit!! and i feel this way already!!#i guess not ''in love'' but the crush is hard-fucking-core#the kind of crush i havent had since meeting my ex 7 years ago...#i forgot what the feeling was like. and it's.... so strong#.bdo
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Dark Frontier should have had an ending scene where after Seven returned to the ship and she's self-conscious about having 'betrayed' Voyager and whether or not the crew trust her (they retrieved her on Janeway's orders but her orders don't always match the feelings of the crew itself), thinking of Tom's comment, thinking of what she was a part of, she stumbles upon B'Elanna. They're both working well past the time to do so. Seven tenses up because B'Elanna looks irritated but she just goes into business as usual about mistakes in Seven's work (probably because she needs to regenerate!) and how much time and energy it took to find her and Seven apologizes for the inconvenience (sarcastically) and B'Elanna accepts her apology then she smirks, staring at Seven. Seven looks unsure about what this means. B'Elanna reaches up and clasps her shoulder. "Good to have you back, Seven." she says. Upon Seven's nod of acknowledgement, she leaves, calling over her shoulder "Get some rest!" threatening that she'll be back in the morning with more corrections if she doesn't. Seven stares after her for a moment. She continues to work. She pauses. She turns around and gets onto her alcove, beginning to regenerate.
#The Janeway scene is fine but I'm nitpicky so I thought it'd be stronger if Seven choosing to regenerate was NOT an order#from a higher up but a recommendation from a friend (or something more~??)#ending it on a note of Seven taking another order from someone - the Benevolent Leader instead of the Bad Queen - is ehh to me#Having it be B'Elanna would 1) sort of show the audience that the whole crew - even B'Elanna! is glad Seven's back#2) Neatly tie up that earlier scene with B'Elanna where she thought Seven was a traitor showing her true colors#3) End that plotline of animosity between them to make way for more interesting dynamics#st voyager#st voy#B'Elanna Torres#Seven of Nine#B/7#not necessarily but in my heart? always yes#Also imagine you're Tactical officer Tuvok and Janeway's like 'Guess who the fuck we're gonna steal from~?????' I'd Q U I T!!!! EHEHE#The fact that Tuvok's just yes anding a Borg Heist no notes no questions is v funny to me - shame he had nothing really to do with the#episode though. It would have been so fun to have a scene where he Seven and Harry are talking strategy#<- Janeway is doing captain things and will be caught up later
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mutuals. i am getting caught in my own bitterness again...
#ill vent because this is basically my bedroom#my younger older brother is caught up in that phase of romantic love when nothing else matter but girlfriend#thats fine i guess it happens#the thing is he forgot about my birthday and i was sad. then he remembered that he forgot and called and said#heyyy lemme make it up to you. lets go grab dinner this weekend (last weekend)#he forgot he even said me and went wine tasting with his gf. so now im double sad AND pissed because#i said no to my friends who actually wanted to see me because i was under the assumption that we were going out#so i sent him a passive aggressive message like heyy dinner was great thx for that xd and he was like what dinner??#long story short he realized he fucked up again and invited me to dinner for realsies this time#but like. he isnt really inviting me? he and my niece were going to a kiddy place he promised he would take her and said i could tag along#i told him i realize now he just invited that to save face and to forget about it#but now im even sadder cuz i love my niece and she is always happy to see me... i just feel like im stupid or something#theyre going tomorrow and im debating on whether i should swallow my pride and go for her#i probably wont#im still not over it#anyway whatever i got work to do
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Thinking about one of the loser men I dated directly post-college who, after I showed them Dirty Computer [the emotion picture] by Janelle Monae, said they "prefer rap that has something to say"
#this person identified as a man but used they/them pronouns just in case that was confusing#but yeah like. what does that mean. did you watch the video#also one time said colorado edibles were 'too strong' and therefore 'dangerous'#they said that COLORADO should have more 'regulations' imposed on weed products lmfao#also when i was watching mad men and expressed that i liked it#they were like 'i dont see the appeal bc the commentary feels obvious to anyone whos lived on the east coast' skskdkdkelsdnakas#they had the WEIRDEST complex about being from the east coast. like. most tightly wound person ive ever met in my life#who was constantly insisting they were sooo type b and so chill and go-with-the-flow#and like yeah im aware im from one of the most laid back slacker states#but this person was one of the most uptight people ive ever met let alone dated#and just had like 0 self awareness about it#like they would exclusively wear button downs sweater vests and cardigans. wouldnt be caught dead in a hoodie unless it was northface#would only drink coffee if it was made from a french press#also see above story about edibles (which was the biggest 'fight' we ever got in bc i was like what the fuck r u talking about)#like. the label says clearly how much thc cbd etc is in each edible and how many doses there are per container#what else could you want#if you dont know how itll affect you just take half or even a quarter of one first???#this still gets me heated to think about#but yeah like what kind of person sees DIRTY COMPUTER and is like 'hmm not political enough' lmfao#OH ALSO guess why we broke up#the blm protests happened and they said they were just 'too affected by police violence to be dating right now'#(they were very much white. blonde white)#and then i found out 11 months after we broke up that they had started dating a poc a month before we broke up#because i saw an anniversary post they did and i was like '...wait a minute'#and a friend of mine used to work with them after we broke up and according to him this person would constantly bring up what a great 'ally'#they were for dating a poc#fucking. wild
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I’ve Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth. By Fall Out Boy.
Leg of bicuriosity pose reference by @orange-artist!
#cyrus plane gays#red plane gays#damn that’s tags I haven’t used in ages#just me#look I drew a thing#comms open!#top ten Terrible Coping Mechanisms Era Sneaking Back Onto Base Drunk Off Their Asses Moments#cyrus: FUCK shut UP I think that’s our BOSS istg if you get us caught—#red: well. guess I’m bottoming tonight 🤷♂️#(<— bit courtesy of my boyfriend who made red. that was not the intended facial expression but it IS way funnier. so.)#and by ‘top ten’ and ‘moments’ I mean it’s literally every week
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And on another note despite what I’m focusing on I do think it’s abhorrent to assume everyone who voted for or supported Harris is chill with genocide like yeah that’s like. What blew up online that tori maya shit was stupid as fuck but due to the disorganization and lateness of this campaign there was REAL misinformation being spread especially to our elders by ppl misconstruing info and a large number of ppl genuinely RIGHT NOW believe she’s pro Palestine called for a ceasefire etc. Like that’s a big chunk of the issue happening rn - where ppl literally made up policies for her or suddenly fell for “neutral” talking points bc it’s on someone they like and spread that. Like idk I feel like until everyone can be honest and humble nobody’s getting anywhere
#I lost my point at the end damn#guess I’m just bringing it to ppls attention#ig Im very against ‘this chunk of ppl are exactly like this’ which is why I overly specify#guys if I’m talking about someone I promise I just say exactly what i mean#when I say ppl who voted with XYZ in mind that’s exactly who I’m talking about there’s no strays to be caught#anyways I’m thinking of this bc I’m seeing so many ppl saying vile things about Palestine and saying ‘well this is what you wanted’#like no and that attitude is part of what lost that election bfr#this is what I meant yesterday by terrible timing#bc black women are rightfully exhausted and saying we’re not showing up for everyone else.#and it’s just masking a complicity in a genocide some of you already has#Some of you ALREADY said fuck Palestine so pretending it’s bc Harris lost is so#like I’m sorry this is still about that tori girl#not even her the fanbase she curated#of ppl who genuinely think democracy would save us Harris had our best interests at heart and that genocide is smth to breeze over#and that Maya girl is a weirdo too don’t get me wrong#like it’s that thing where they’re both dead wrong but one person was a biiit more wrong than the other#that didn’t make the other person right at alll#And that Madeline person#I unfollowed bc despite what they were saying#some of which I agreed with#a lot of the FANS got racist fast#guys deleting comments is an option stop letting ur fans be bigots and pretending you can’t control it#y know it’s follow the leader delete the first signs of racism and they can’t fuel eachother hello#anyways that’s a collection of thoughts on ppl ig my point is.#genocide is bad and the way ppl react to that along with other circumstances and factors is never gonna be palatable#especially to ppl calling a politican auntie and BIG SIS GENERAL#fucking crazy btw that last one#and also a lot of ppl were desperate to see a black woman take care of everything so they ignored any flaw she and her campaign had#when these flaws were huge contributors to the loss#and also. with the big ass gap atp I think it is kind of useless to argue amongst ourselves
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