#guess who had to split the second half of this post in half AGAIN

[jayflying]

And why is Martyn... Like That? (No Stranger Curses AU)

[Part 1] (Part 2: "Spiraling in unreality.") [Part 3]

The first thing Martyn realizes is that he's not dead. This is a horrifying premise, considering the last thing he remembers doing was blowing himself up on purpose.

The second thing he realizes is that he remembers. In the first game, he had remembered nothing. In the second game, he'd remembered the first, but the memories were sparse and hazy. This time, though? He remembers everything.

He remembers how he met with BigB. He remembers how they found the games. He remembers how it felt to wake up without remembering anything at all. He remembers forsaking the morals he had once fought so hard to rebuild, and making an enemy of the friend he had come here to find. He remembers building, and learning, and loving, and lying, and fighting, and dying, and waking back up to do it all over again.

Is he about to do it all over again? Where is he, anyway?

A quick scan of his surroundings informs him, a hill. A closer look clarifies, a hill in the middle of a forest. He finds this significantly less helpful than he was anticipating. A search of his inventory leaves his hands buzzing with magic but doesn't turn up anything useful either.

The communicator strapped to his belt chimes all too cheerfully. Welcome to Double Life, its notification declares, and his heart sinks.

It takes Martyn two minutes to read the rules presented to him in their entirety, twenty seconds to process the implications, and three hours to realize that something about this new game is wrong.

Maybe he's just being paranoid. Maybe it's just his mind playing tricks on him. Maybe his fear has him chasing shadows.

But the afternoon sun has no warmth. Animals behave like they barely notice him. The wind through the trees sounds more like static– in fact, nothing sounds quite right. His surroundings seem to waver whenever he looks away. And when he finally runs into other people, only some of them seem to recognize something is off.

(None of them seem to hear it. The blank lack of recognition in their eyes makes his heartbeat stutter with a sudden panic. He doesn't mention his concerns again.) Either his senses are failing him, he's losing his mind, or not all of this is actually real. Maybe even some combination of all three. He decides on the spot that, as much as the thought of isolation still hurts, still makes a tight knot out of something deep in his chest, he'd rather be having this imminent mental breakdown as far away from other people as possible.

(Something in his mind screams at him desperately, no, no, no, why are you leaving, you'll never see them again– and yet he grits his teeth and keeps moving forward. For all he knows, they could still all be ghosts. He can't bring himself to check.)

Pearl's inability to take a hint is her own damn fault. He remembers now, so why doesn't she? Why doesn't she know him well enough to recognize how his excuses ring hollow? Going to the Nether, in the first week— screw that! What rational reason would he have to actually want that? And yet, even without remembering him, she looks him in the lie and follows him regardless. Well now he has to commit to his own stupidity.

(They talk as they go. She describes the soulbond as a heartbeat in time with her own, a comforting background noise in her head. Martyn doesn't feel it. Which is fine. He doesn't need anyone else in his head.)

…Cleo. His bond is to Cleo. The heartbeat thing really should've been a hint. He presents his efforts to her and is resoundingly rejected. Her words cut straight to the heart, and his face burns. There is so much venom in her words, in her posture… but there's nothing in her eyes. No emotion at all. (Maybe he's just being paranoid.)

The more he looks for it, the more he finds it. While some of them seem to be real, others have that hollow gaze, and with it, other things that aren't quite right. None of those empty stares seem to fear death. None of them seem to remember. Oh, they speak and smile and act well enough, but that's all it is. Acting. He refuses to fall for a trick he's already mastered. He can just keep his distance. He won't fall for this.

Cleo backs down, even if only in secret. She doesn't apologize as much as she traces the outline of an apology and leaves him to read between the lines. He knows for a fact that's the best he would ever get from her, even if any of this was actually real.

He shouldn't care about her approval. It shouldn't bring him as much relief, as much hope, as much happiness as it does. It makes him angry to feel his own heart soar at such a little thing. His pride knows he's better than this! He can't be chasing shadows. He can't be falling for an echo, a specter, a lie.

It takes three months for his patience, his sanity, his willingness to play along with this delusion, to snap. He's not quite sure what does it. Maybe it's the fact Cleo finally apologizes to his face for the way she rejected him. Maybe it's because he knows she would never do that. His chest feels tight with the turmoil of it all. His whole body shudders with every beat of his heart, and for a moment, he wonders if the thing pretending to be Cleo can feel the way he shakes.

Martyn pushes her, and there is no remorse. He watches her fall as he tries something he hasn't attempted since the end of the Southlands. He prays for salvation. To whatever might be listening. To whoever might be there.

(In his defense, he would've tried it earlier if he'd known it was going to work this time.)

[arolesbianism]

In other news Odile crashed my game during her friend quest. Smiles in pain.

[14thgalerie]

under pressure

• pairing: theodore nott x reader

• now playing: linger by the cranberries

• word count: 2.4k

• genre: angst

— an old piece that i never finished but i just wanted to post something because my account is so dead. i know exams work differently in hogwarts but for this one, let's just pretend that they do a semestral exam also.

“Theo?” You call from behind him, as you enter the common room where he sits in solitude. 

He makes no sound to acknowledge that he’s heard you, simply continuing to stare off into space. Long, slender fingers rhythmically tapping on his thighs.

Ignoring this, you make yourself comfortable on the nearest available seat, angling your body to face him. “You would not believe what I got for History of Magic!” You excitedly begin and with much enthusiasm, “But first you have to guess!”

Again, a silence greets you. This sparks concern in you since it was very unusual behaviour from him. But before you could ask, he emits a curious hum, still not looking directly at you. “What did you get?”

“You’re no fun.” You playfully jab at him, trying to lighten up the atmosphere. “Anyways! I got an Outstanding! Can you believe that?”

“It would’ve been hilarious if you hadn’t.” Is all he says in a deadpan, hollow voice. “What do you mean by that?” You prod.

“Imagine taking all of my time just for you to fail once again. I would have actually thrown myself off the pitch. ”

The muted glow of the scattered lamps and candles cast shadows on the walls, creating an ambiance that mirrors the strained emotions between you and Theo. The distant sound of chatter and laughter in the dorm rooms only served to accentuate the silence that ensued.

He sighs, “I am tired. Tired of your complaining, of your whines, of your stupidity over such a simple course. You are so excited over this when it isn’t something to be necessarily proud of. You know…” Theo trails off in an amused manner as if he has realised something funny.

“I find it funny how you are sitting all proud and excited about this one exam when in reality, it was all because of me. You wouldn’t have even gotten half of what you had if it weren't for me or with the help of the others. Leeching off of us like a goddamn parasite who hasn’t a mind of her own.”

Words fail you, unable to conjure up even a whisper in your shock. You stand up slowly, breathing out an unsteady exhale.

The words break on your skin like whips, cracking and splitting open still healing wounds. 

“I have never asked you for anything, need I remind you? You were the one who insisted on spending your oh so precious time teaching me. Time and time again, I reassured you that I could do it myself because I didn’t want you to waste it on me. Yet, it was always fine with you and you were adamant on doing it so don’t you dare put this on me now.” You grit out. “I have no idea as to why you are acting like a rabid dog, snapping at me unprovoked, but nothing will ever warrant that kind of behaviour. “ You shake your head sharply, glaring at him from underneath your eyebrow. 

You felt yourself becoming dizzy with panic and anxiety, confusion with the whole situation making it worse by the second. It was spreading so quickly and far into the recesses of your soul that you would fall to your knees if not for the support of the couch behind you.

Not willing to have him see you break down from his nonchalant words that were deliberately chosen to attack your deepest insecurities— unable to understand how it so easily came from the last person you expected it from. You quickly move towards the stairs, ignoring the weak call of your name. 

Tick, tock, tick, tock. 

Seconds—or was it minutes— slipped away since you have made the decision to lock yourself in your room. Leaving the room before everything gets worse. Surrounding yourself with a number of inked parchments that are filled with hundreds of thousands of words, none of which your brain registers. Despite your earnest desire to find solace with work, it was all futile as they were only mere words on paper that held no significance in comparison to what was brewing in your mind.

Instead, an incessant question pesters you. Was it really something to be so excited over? Lost in a silent deep rumination, accompanied only by the rhythmic flutter of an owl's wings as they flew past your open window and the rustling trees to occupy the silence. 

Tick, tock, tick, tock. 

The clock is still there to remind me of the hours that have passed— 3 and a quarter to be precise.

Perhaps you were being too over the top but you hadn’t meant to. The pure, unadulterated exhilaration overwhelmed you after Professor Binns called you aside after your last exam. It had become an accepted knowledge to you that History of Magic wasn’t necessarily your strongest suit. Enough so that it would’ve been perfectly fine for you to receive a less-than-average result.

To hear how exceptional you had done this time, possibly even greater than many of your classmates, your mind instinctively went to share your achievement with Theo. After all, he was the one who patiently dedicated hours guiding you in your review and it took precedence over his own. Assurances, that came off as more of arrogance, of how he would do just fine and that he could ace it even if he wore a blindfold.

Maybe that’s where it all went wrong. Could it have been the lack of sleep before? He does get a bit irritable with a lack of rest. You’ve seen it personally in the weeks that lead up to Quidditch games. The fatigue, in addition to the stress of the final exams before the holidays, must’ve steered him into that state. 

Despite feeling upset and somewhat finding fault within yourself, you couldn’t muster up the will to apologise first. While his behaviour tonight could have been explainable, for goodness’ sake, the way that he has gone about it was unwarranted— shouting and hurling the harshest words that he is capable of, at you. The person that rejected every offer, made by him, because you were scared to impose on his studying hours. Now he cannot even be happy at what you had worked so dedicatedly on with him?

After spending hours in the cold and dark room, doing nothing but ruminating on the argument, you realise that you refuse to allow his words to dampen your joy and excitement any more than they have already. Sitting up straight, you stretch your arms wide. Swiftly tidying the scattered papers and dried pens into an acceptable arrangement in your trunk before you settle down beneath your duvet cover. Giving up on the idea of getting any work done when your mind was elsewhere.

The both of you made plans to have a sleepover in your dorm room after your roommates announced that they would be spending the night elsewhere. However, it will be safe to say that the idea had crumbled into non-existence after the heated exchange of words between the two of you. 

As you lay there on your side, facing the stone wall with your back to the door, you couldn’t help but reflect on your argument. A hailing storm brewed in the furrows of your mind, unable to piece together what exactly you should do. The only thing you wanted was to hear his beating heart beneath you as you lay on his chest. But you knew that it wouldn’t be right for yourself to concede.

Of all the ways that you’ve imagined for him to react, what had truly occurred did not even appear in your mind. It left you tossing and turning in frustration and confusion, unable to fall asleep in peace. Only the warmth and lasting scent of his cologne on your duvet keep you calm— the realisation that you couldn’t even properly be mad at him makes you huff.

In the silent war within you, you were deaf to the aged door groaning in protest as its rusty hinges emitted a creaking sound that left the person behind it wincing. Nor did you hear the unusually gentle footsteps that followed.

So much so that even the shadows that lurked within the walls would have thought that the footsteps were a figment of their imagination. In the way that the presence hesitated outside of your room as if they were heavily contemplating.

It was only at the weighted dip of the bed behind you and the hesitant arm that crept around your waist that were you pulled from your trance. Yet, you bore no intent of recognition for him even as he had fully suited himself behind you with his chin tucked in the crook of your neck.

As his presence enveloped you, he began with a slight tremor in his voice. “Y/N…I-“

“I could write and speak a thousand sorry’s and reasons for why the words had so easily slipped from my lips, but they will never unspeak them from existence. I promised your mama that I will never let a speck of hurt flash across those eyes, and I will forever apologise to her for breaking that promise.” A shaky exhale lines the last few syllables. “I was so unnecessarily horrible and mean to you without meaning to. So consumed by this- this emotion that flooded me, something that I had lost control over.”

Every syllable was accompanied by a hesitant tone that left the words sounding shaky; nervous. Coupled with the drop of tears that lined your neck right where his head sat.

You listened, listening to his apology, but the wounds were still fresh. The echo of his sharp words runs deep beneath your skin, embedded into your bones, prickling with every second you are reminded of them. The sincerity in his voice clashed with the pain he had caused with his words, leaving you torn between the desire to understand and the reluctance to let go of the hurt.

“You really hurt my feelings, Theo.” If he wasn’t already drowning in misery, hearing his name fall from your lips after he worked many weeks to be called something else had him gasping for breath. “I genuinely want to forgive you, but at this moment, I can’t quite find it in me to do so. You blew up on me for absolutely no reason. I need you to help me understand, to give me a reason behind your outburst, not mere words of guilt. Because even if you say sorry a thousand times, I would never be able to forgive you for clearly attacking me where I would greatly feel it.

His voice, meek in the tense air between the two of you, unfolded with a raw honesty that lays bare his desperation for this to be over.

“The exhaustion from lack of sleep and finding that I barely got a passing grade…It was a bit too much for me. I have no idea why it even bothered me when, for so long, I could hardly give a damn about these stupid exams," he shared, sighing with exasperation.

A pang of guilt and shame flared within your chest at the knowledge. The initial shadow of hesitation and guilt that crept on you the days before came rushing back in. You should’ve known better than to allow him to persuade you. Turning around on the bed to face him. But before you could wallow yourself in these emotions, Theo quickly puts your mind to rest.

“Don’t blame yourself, darling.” He tenderly pushes a thumb against the forming frown on your forehead. “I should have told you that I needed to study also instead of leaving it to luck. I guess I was being a bit of a confident prick that got used to not reviewing for an exam that I fully forgot I missed a few lectures a few weeks ago. I truthfully never had and never will blame you, not when I had been the one, adamant enough, to help you out despite your protests.”

His admission carried a mix of self-awareness and remorse. The vulnerability that was clear in his words began to bridge the hesitance inside of you to relax, the layers of miscommunication slowly peeling away. 

You could sense the weight he carried. Despite his casual indifference to his studies, you knew that it was something that he silently prided himself in. To have that be ruined in addition to the cumulative stress that built up over time with his hectic schedule. Being reminded that even if he may seem so perfect on the surface, beneath that, he was still human; flawed, vulnerable, and young. Although the hurt had begun to shift, not fully dissipating yet, it had turned into a sense of empathy that allowed you a clarity of thinking.

A small, understanding hum escaped you. The strain in your voice is gone now, ”We need to work on our communication, then. No longer hiding things from each other for any reason, even if we think it does not matter. Part of our relationship is to work our problems side by side, even if it doesn’t concern the other. We shouldn’t have things fester until it explodes on us.” 

He nods, burying his head back into the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.” You gently pull his head back and look at him fondly. “And we need to also address the way you spoke to me earlier. Just because we were in the heat of the moment and lost in our emotions does not mean you have the right to do that, not when my mom raised me without raising her voice.”

“I’m really sorry. Merlin…I can still see the look on your face and I don’t think I would ever forget and forgive myself for being the reason behind it”. “I won’t say I forgive you just yet, that’s a boundary crossed for me. We should’ve had this talk in the beginning but better now than never. Let’s take a pause for now, and resume this conversation with a clear head.” He met your gaze with a blend of appreciation and a sense of resolve. 

masterlist

[minustwofingers]

exoplanet p. 4.5

second half of exoplanet part 4!

pairing: ellie williams x reader

summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf

warnings: PLEASE READ! mentions of nsfw content (read at your own risk), violence, explicit language. also a lot of angst. ellie is still kind of a dick but not quite as much. 

a/n: haha. isn’t it sooo funny how i said this would come out almost 12 hours later and then i posted it? i need to hit the hay early asf today if im to be frank w you guys so here it is now. i want to thank you all for the sweet and kind messages and comments i’ve been getting—they’ve been fuel for my writing!! also, i’ve got a better idea of how i want to end it now, so i’ve got a pretty good outline for what’s going to happen. expect around 3 more parts (one of which may or may not be an epilogue from ellie’s pov). as always thanks for reading!

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4.0 (first half of this part) 

playlist inspired by exoplanet!!

wc: 6.5k

tags: @prettyplant0 @666findgod @sawaagyapong @rystarkov @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @parkersmyth @pinkazelma @ariianelle @lu002 @blairfox04 @sparkleswonderland @elliesflower​ 

enjoy x 

Dina’s sudden reappearance in your life was turning into one of the best things you had going on. When you were done with work, instead of loitering about Joel’s home and hoping to run into Ellie, you’d knock on Dina’s front door and spend your afternoons gossiping and trading stories. 

She never asked so explicitly about Ellie again, but you could tell that occasionally she wanted to.

“Guess whose birthday it is this weekend?” asked Dina one day in late April. The Wyoming sun was hung high in the sky, and the weather was steadily becoming warmer. The temperature was stuck at a breezy 60, and a part of you wondered just how hot it would get over the summer. 

Terranova rarely ever got over 70 degrees. Would it be hotter than that? Would you even be here to see it?

“Yours?” you guessed casually, pushing away the ever-present question of how long you’d really be in Jackson.

Dina snorted. “No. Not quite. You just missed mine, actually. I’m a December baby.” 

“Jesse?”

“No.”

“Joel?”

“Nope.” Her mouth popped on the p. 

Your heart thudded. “Uh—Ellie?” 

Her face split into a wide grin. “Yes! It’s her 20th. Isn’t that crazy? She’s ancient.” 

“Wow!” you said, coaxing faux enthusiasm into your voice. 

You and her had kept seeing each other at night, long after Joel had turned in. It always proceeded like clockwork—she’d come knock at your door, you’d fall into her bed, and then you’d leave.

You’d thankfully avoided any of the embarrassing stuff that you’d done the second night—no more unnecessary sensual face touching and whispers of her being a good person. You wanted to, though. There was so much that you ached to tell her, so many words that threatened to spill from your lips that you just barely managed to keep at bay. 

The worst part was the way that nothing had really changed between you two beyond what transpired every few evenings in her room. Each morning, you’d wake up knowing that you were in for another day of pretending like she didn’t know what it sounded like when you whined and begged and told her where to touch you. Like you didn’t know how her mouth tasted.

“I want to get her a present,” Dina was saying. “I do something for her every year, but I want this birthday to be a little different—given that she’s made it two decades and all, you know.” 

“That’s really thoughtful of you.”

Dina’s eyes sparkled. “I know! Do you want to help? If you do, I’ll tell her it’s from you, too.”

“Actually,” you said, wheels in your head turning, “That would be amazing. I have no idea what I’d get her otherwise.”

“Great.” Dina leaned back, nabbing her backpack from the ground and fishing through it until she produced a map. She unfolded it and began gesturing over the marks. “I found an abandoned bookstore in this area outside of the wall.” She tapped on a dot that she’d made, situated a fair ways away from the wall and on the opposite side of the town as the dam. 

“So we’re going shopping?”

Dina laughed. “Yeah. 5 finger discount, too. The only problem is that we might need to kill some baddies to qualify, but once we clear our way, it’s home free.”

“Right,” you said, fear creeping into your bones at the thought of having to fight off the infected. You’d only been on a few patrols since you’d been shot, and each had been totally unnoteworthy. You’d yet to actually shoot your gun at anything. “You—you do know that I’m not actually that good of a patrol partner, right?”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Dina, waving her hand dismissively. “I can take care of us. Plus, we haven’t seen infected in this area for a while. This is a pretty remote area—tough to reach unless you know what you’re looking for.”

“So, when are we going?”

A glimmer appeared in her eye. “Now?”

~

“Where are you going?” 

Ellie stood, her arms crossed as she leaned against the opposite wall. You were grabbing your patrol things, slinging your backpack over your shoulders and pulling on the gray sweatshirt she’d given you.

“Out with Dina,” you said, slightly breathless from moving so quickly. You hadn’t been expecting Ellie to be home—normally she was keeping herself busy picking up extra patrol shifts and helping Joel. It had been an unwelcome surprise to run into her, sour faced and serious while you were trying to get ready. 

“Out where?”

You shrugged, trying your best to look nonchalant. “Dina said she wanted to show me something.”

She was silent as you finished lacing up your shoes, but you could see her watching you from the corner of your eyes.

“I’ll be back in time for tonight, if that’s what you’re worried about,” you offered snidely, hardly realizing what you’d said until it had left your lips. It had been a low blow. It had been nasty. You weren’t sure why you’d said it. 

“That’s not—” She rubbed the bridge of her nose with her fingers. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“I know.” You stood up, feeling deflated. “Sorry. I don’t know why I said that.” 

Ellie sent you a tight smile. “It’s fine.”  

You walked back to Dina’s feeling heavy. That was how most of your interactions with Ellie seemed to go nowadays—awkward, stiff, and remarkably unfriendly. You weren’t sure what changed. And she was still fucking you, which didn’t make much sense.

Sometimes it felt like she was distancing herself on purpose. But that had to be wrong, because why would she do that? You obviously liked her. She wasn’t the one at risk of being hurt. 

You and Dina took off by foot as the sun began to set, well-armed with both weapons and navigational equipment. Well—Dina was, at least. All you had was the small gun Ellie had given you. Dina was doing all of the heavy lifting.

The forest was quiet, interrupted only occasionally by songbirds and the sound of wind rustling through the leaves. Spring had hit Jackson suddenly, the underbrush exploding in volume and flowers blooming everywhere.

As you two walked through the woods, chattering mindlessly and generally enjoying each other’s company, you made a mental reminder to return to the forest to pick up a makeshift bouquet of flowers. Ellie didn’t seem like the type to swoon over things like that, but even the most unromantic people could recognize the gesture of flowers. You were sure she’d at least put them in a vase. 

Eventually the path Dina was leading you on opened up to a heavily overgrown street, a small decrepit strip mall hidden away in the shrubbery.

“Here!” said Dina cheerily. She jogged forward, scrubbing the moss off of the door to show a book icon on the filthy glass.

“And you said that there’s no infected here?” you asked, your fingers wrapped nervously around your gun.

“Of course I did,” said Dina. “Do you think I’d take you somewhere that was infested?”

The glass shattered as a body came crashing through the door, thrashing and clicking in a mass of bloody limbs as it took Dina to the ground.

Your finger squeezed the trigger before you could think, sending a spray of gore into the air as Dina forced the thing off of her and stood, panting. 

There wasn’t even a chance to breathe. A piercing shriek cut through the air before three more followed the first, not paying any mind to the jagged edges of the broken door that grabbed at their mutilated skin. 

“Fuck!” Dina’s knife went swinging through the air, slicing and jabbing at the creatures in front of you. They fell in quick succession, but there was more rustling and screaming from inside. Far too much rustling. “Run!”

She didn’t have to tell you twice. Despite the fact that you’d never been a track star in school, you bolted quicker than you’d even known possible. Your backpack banged against your back as you sprinted down the road, ducking into the brush and making a break for it with Dina right on your tail. 

The walk there had taken close to 30 minutes. Your sprint cut that in over half. You and Dina ran in stride, with her lagging behind to send off a few shots to ground the runners that were quick enough to keep up. The clearing you appeared in all the way back in the winter flashed by you in a second, and within another few moments, you were both resting against the wall, chests heaving as you both picked off the stragglers that had come out of the forest to investigate.

By the time the last gunshot rang out and the final infected slumped to the ground, you were shaking uncontrollably, your gun vibrating in your hand. 

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” said Dina, equally breathless though significantly more composed as you two walked through the entrance, getting concerned looks from the people who were manning the gate. “I’ve never seen so many in that store before. I don’t understand. It was clear the last time I went.” 

Before you could respond, someone stepped into your eye line.

“What the fuck did you do,” seethed Ellie. Her eyes were wild, her lip curled in a manner so derisive you began to wonder if you’d ever actually seen her angry before this. 

“Chill, Ellie,” said Dina. “Y/N and I were just going to try and pick something up for your birthday. There were…a few more than what I was expecting. But it’s fine. We handled them. She did great.”

Ellie looked at you then, and you could feel her taking you in. Her eyes rested with accusation at the way that your hands were trembling. “You’re so fucking stupid, Dina. You knew that she’s never done this before. What the fuck is wrong with you, taking her out like that?”

“It was clear the last time I was there!” Dina spoke with her hands, waving them through the air in emphasis.“There wasn’t supposed to be any. I don’t know what to tell you. I didn’t purposefully try to get us killed.” 

Ellie sent her another scathing look before turning her attention to you. “And don’t even get me started with you.”

You blinked. “What?”

“What the fuck were you thinking?!” she snapped. 

Dina sent you a wink and disappeared down the street in the direction of her house. 

“I was thinking of your birthday, actually,” you said delicately. “We were going to get you something from the bookstore.”

“That is not an excuse to go get yourself killed!”

You held up your hands in mock surrender, which looked really stupid considering how hard you were still trembling. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t the original plan. Can we not do this right now? I’m still trying to, uh, process what happened.” 

As if to punctuate your point, the next step you took nearly sent you to the ground, your knees wobbling. 

Ellie’s hands were at your sides in an instant, solid and steadying against you as you regained your balance.

“Sorry,” you said again, lower this time. 

“How many?” Ellie asked. Her voice was softer now, almost resigned. She hadn’t let go yet.

“I don’t know,” you admitted. “After the first three or four, I lost count. They just kept—” You winced at the memory of the wet sound that they made hitting the ground. “They just kept coming.” 

“You did them a favor,” said Ellie, stepping back and to your side as you began to walk forward. Her hand stayed posed on your forearm. “It gets easier.” 

“I don’t know if I want it to get easier,” you confessed. 

“Well, how about you start by never doing something that fucking stupid again.” Her words lacked any venom. “Don’t you ever go out without me again, okay? Do you have any idea what could’ve happened to you?”

You gave your trembling hands a look. “I can take a guess.”

Ellie walked you back to Joel’s house, helping you out of your jacket and unsubtly checking your skin for bites. Or at least that’s what she said she was doing. She couldn’t seem to stop touching you. 

You headed back up to your room to get changed as Ellie shut the front door and was off to finish her work with Tommy. As you leisurely made your way down the hallway, you noticed that something was off—the hallway closet was slightly ajar.

The memories of your first night there came floating back to you, images of Ellie shutting the door before you could see inside emerging to the forefront.

It wouldn’t hurt to look, would it? It was probably nothing. 

Your hand wrapped tentatively around the handle, pulling the door open so slowly that the old, rusty hinge fell silent.

It wasn’t what you were expecting. It wasn’t what you were expecting at all. 

It wasn’t really a closet—there were a few shelves, but no hangers. In their place, there were stacks of textbooks with old, dated covers of the stars, planets, and physics. The back wall was plastered with drawings of constellations and calculations in Ellie’s messy scrawl, reminiscent of the leftover scrap paper from when you sat your physics exams and did your problem sets.

The memory of Ellie staring at your textbook re-emerged to hit you with full force. No wonder she was interested in it. THIS is what she was going to say that she wanted to study when you’d asked her. 

A slow smile crept onto your face as you thought about her upcoming birthday.

You knew what you were getting her now. 

~

Preparing for Ellie’s surprise party was a full day’s worth of work. You and Dina had convinced Maria to give Ellie enough things to do that she’d stay out of the house for the majority of the afternoon. You felt kind of guilty that Ellie was being put to work on her birthday of all days, but Dina just shook her head.

“It’s Ellie,” she said. “She lives to act all macho and patrol and shit. This is probably an extra present to her.” 

You two had located some flour, sugar, eggs, and butter and were hard at work baking a cake. It was tough going without a real recipe, but you’d grown up with a mother who loved baking, so you tried to do it from memory.

The result was a rather lopsided looking monstrosity that you and Dina had attempted to salvage through the liberal application of the thin icing you’d managed to whip up using milk and powdered sugar. It didn’t work, and you two didn’t wait long enough for the cake to cool before frosting it, so it melted in puddles and made the cake soggy.

“Fantastic work,” said Dina, wiping her hands on her front as you two surveyed the final product. “Really incredible, Y/N. You should really consider a career change.”

“Shut up,” you said, snorting. “Ellie’s gonna hate this.”

“She’s going to think it’s hilarious,” Dina corrected. “I’m sure it can’t taste too bad, right?”

You shivered. “Don’t say that.”

The decorations and gathering of presents were thankfully an easier challenge, and before you knew it Joel’s living room was fixed up to look obnoxious as possible, with a tacky “HAPP BIRTHDAE ELLIE” strung up in blood red reflective plastic (you two couldn’t find any Ys) above the fireplace. “Happy 5th Birthday!” balloons filled the ceiling, their gaudy purple color clashing horrifically with the red of the lettering. 

“This is just awful, Dina,” you said. “Ellie’s never going to speak to us again.”

“You need to chill,” Dina responded. “She might act grumpy all of the time, but I know her, and I know she’ll secretly like this.”

7 rolled around quickly, and with it came the guests.

First was the unsurprising Jesse, grinning and carrying a satchel that had a makeshift card attached to the top labeled “Ellie”. 

Next came Astrid, Bonnie, and Greg—all of the patrolmen that were roughly around your age. You hadn’t spent all that much time with them, but they’d always been fun.

Last came a girl you’d never seen before.

“Hi!” she said, extending a hand and looking at you through a fringe of choppy black hair. 

“Hi!” you said, taking her hand and shaking it once. “I’m Y/N.”

“I know,” she said, her eyes crinkling. “I’m Cat.”

“I can’t believe you two haven’t met before,” said Dina, swooping in to stand beside you. There was something written on her face—something that looked kind of like worry.

“I can’t either!” you said good-naturedly. “How do you know Ellie?”

Dina cringed.

Cat just smiled wider. “Oh. Ellie and I go way back.”

“Cat, why don’t you go help me in the kitchen? I need to finish plating some stuff,” said Dina. 

“Sure!” Cat sent you one more winning smile, following Dina with a bounce in her step.

Something felt deeply off about that interaction, but you couldn’t quite put a finger on what it was. You’d never seen Dina so eager to get you away from someone. Maybe it’d just been a coincidence?

You didn’t get a chance to dwell on it further, because Ellie was opening the door. 

“Surprise!” Everyone in the living room yelled upon seeing her. 

Ellie blanched, her eyes landing on you for a moment before she cast her gaze to the rest of the room. “What’s this?”

“Your birthday party,” said Dina, appearing from the kitchen with a plate of crackers and other appetizers, Cat in tow. “You didn’t think we were just going to let you turn 20 without embarrassing you just a little bit?”

“Those are the most hideous balloons I’ve ever seen,” said Ellie, crossing her arms.

“Thanks,” you said, beaming. “I picked them out myself.” 

Much to your surprise, her lips lifted until she was smiling back. “You’re such a loser.”

“Okay!” said Dina, clearing her throat and stepping in between you two. “You two can flirt later. I’ve been slaving away in the kitchen for an entire day. Let’s eat.”

You shut your mouth, blushing uncontrollably as your eyes lifted. Ellie’s cheeks looked uncharacteristically pink and her eyes were fixed on your shoes.

Dinner went by quickly, with everyone trading odd stories about patrolling and their life before Jackson. You learned that Dina had actually been born in New Mexico and that Astrid was from Oregon. You heard all about how Jesse and Greg came across an old mall a few miles out of Jackson that was so full of infected that they could hear them scratching at the doors and clicking even before they were within eyesight of the building. You told some stories about your life in Terranova, about studying and your family. 

“What the fuck is this?” asked Ellie once Dina had reappeared, carrying your sorry excuse of a birthday cake. Time had not treated it well. The first layer was almost entirely slid off, and the cake looked damp from the melted icing.

“It’s your birthday cake,” you said. “We, uh, tried. I don’t have a cake recipe memorized, and it was harder than I expected.”

The candles Dina attempted to stick into the cake kept falling out, the structural integrity so weakened from the melted frosting that chunks were coming off.

“Let’s just pretend that there’s 20 candles,” said Dina finally once the top layer of the cake finally split in half. 

“Right,” said Ellie, snorting. 

Dina led a very enthusiastic rendition of the Happy Birthday song that ended in cheers and hollers as Ellie dramatically lowered her head to the cake and pretended to blow the “candles” out. 

No one touched the cake, but you couldn’t blame them. 

Next came presents. Jesse went first, giving Ellie a satchel that held a bunch of cleaning equipment for her patrol rifles. Dina had found a t-shirt that said “Enemy of the State” in goofy comic sans lettering, and Ellie was unsuccessful in holding back her giggles at seeing it. 

“Dina, this is so stupid,” she said, but there was no venom in her tone, just amusement. 

It was your turn next, so you leaned across the table to place the small box in front of her. 

“Please tell me you didn’t almost die getting this one,” said Ellie, giving you a suspicious look.

“Not at all,” you said. “I accidentally brought it from Terranova.” 

Her nimble fingers untied the flimsy ribbon you’d haphazardly wrapped around the tiny brown box, lifting the lid off and peering inside.

“It’s a…rock?” Ellie frowned, pulling it out and holding it in her hand.

“You got her a rock for her birthday?” Cat asked you from her position to your right, her eyebrows raised.

“It’s not just a rock,” you said. “It’s a moon rock. Like, from the moon.”

Ellie froze, her eyes saucers as she stared at the rock balanced in her palm. “What?”

“I told you I studied astrophysics,” you said casually. “One of my professors let me borrow it because my research supervisor wanted to take a look at it, so it was in my bag. And I never had the chance to give it to him, obviously. So it’s yours now.” 

“Holy fuck.” She turned in over, her fingers running across the surface. “This is…wow. Oh my god.”

“That’s so cool, dude,” Jesse said. “Like, insane. I didn’t even know that those were a thing.”

“There’s only a couple in the world,” you added. “And even fewer that are still reachable. The rest are…well, out here somewhere. Terranova only has a few from our own expeditions and the professors who managed to grab what they had when they moved.”

“This one’s from me,” said Cat, leaning forward and placing an envelope in front of Ellie. “It’s not as cool as a moon rock, but I thought you’d like it.” 

Her fingers slid under the tongue of the envelope, ripping it open and pulling a piece of paper out. 

“Good for one more free tattoo,” Ellie read out.

Cat sat back, looking awfully pleased with herself. 

“Cat was the one who gave Ellie the one on her arm,” Dina explained to you.

 A memory pricked at your consciousness, dating back to your first patrol with Ellie.

An ex had given her the tattoo on her arm.

The girl who had given her tattoo was Cat.

Cat was her ex.

That makes so much sense you realized with horror as you remembered how Cat had told you so confidently that she and Ellie went way back. Of course they did. They used to date.

“Where’d you go?” asked Dina, bumping your shoulder.

“Sorry,” you said, rubbing the bridge of your nose. “Just, uh, tired.”

When you looked up, Ellie’s eyes were on you, her lips slightly quirked.

You looked away, instead focusing on the placemats that Dina had set out. Cat was so different from you—so peppy, so confident, so loud. No wonder Ellie didn’t want anything more than what you had now. Whatever Ellie had seen in Cat had nothing to do with you. 

The night ended with you all sitting on the couches in the living room with Dina mixing drinks so strong that you were wondering if she was trying to kill you. 

“Jesus Christ, Dina,” you said as you watched her pour. “What is that? 90 percent vodka?” 

“I prefer to call it efficient,” Dina corrected. 

It burned going down your throat and you fought back a cough as you placed your glass back on the coffee table. Ellie was right next to you, her thigh barely brushing against yours as you moved.

Cat was on the other side of the room, seated next to Jesse and Astrid. You were internally very proud that Ellie had chosen to sit next to you instead. Her arm rested on the back of the couch behind you, and even though it couldn’t have meant all that much, you couldn’t help but wonder if it at least meant something. 

You were just halfway through your cup by the time you started to feel really and properly sloshed. Your voice sounded tinny in your ears, and from the way that Ellie was laughing at anything anyone said, you had a sneaking suspicion that she was somewhere around where you were.

It wasn’t long before everyone had excused themselves and wished Ellie a final happy birthday—it was getting late and quite a few had early shifts the next day.

Dina was the last to go, saying goodbye and sending you another look as she pointedly stared at the arm rested behind you.

For a few minutes, you and Ellie just sat in silence, hearing the fire crackle and the sound of her softly breathing.

Then she spoke.

“How did you know that I’d like the moon rock?”

“Oh.” You blushed. “Don’t be mad. You left the closet door open the other day—you know, the one with all your space textbooks and everything. It was an educated guess.” 

“So nosy,” she tutted. 

“But you do like the rock?” 

She smiled. “Yes. Thank you.”

You reached forward and polished off the rest of the drink that Dina had made you, feeling the liquid fire slide down your throat and settle in your stomach. 

When you turned back, you could see Ellie staring at you, her auburn hair glowing in the firelight, her pupils blown wide, and her eyes slightly unfocused. She’d had more than one of the drinks that Dina had made, and it was really showing. 

“You’re so pretty.”

You froze. Out of all the things you expected her to say, that was nowhere on the list. The words had left Ellie’s lips like a compulsion, raw and honest. 

She hadn’t stopped looking at you, but her eyes were wider, her cheeks red. She hadn’t meant to say it, you realized. Now she was embarrassed and flustered, and it was all because of you. 

It was the boldness of being tipsy that made you move towards her, pulling your legs up until you were seated on your knees in front of her.

Ellie didn’t move apart from wetting her lips, her eyes darting from your eyes to your mouth. 

When you kissed her, she melted into you. The arm that had been draped over the couch behind you dropped to your back, your own hands sliding into her hair and tightening at the back of her neck.

She gasped as she felt your nails scrape against her, and you took the opportunity to lick into her open mouth, tasting the vodka on her tongue as it slid against yours.

To your surprise, her hands didn’t creep up your shirt or dip below the waist of your pants. They stayed static, one glommed onto your back while the other clutched your jaw as she let you kiss her, over and over again. 

You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but there was something about it that felt different than your usual nighttime meetups. It felt more—vulnerable, almost, that Ellie was kissing you just to kiss you, not with some other agenda. 

The grandfather clock chimed, indicating that it was almost midnight. You pulled away from her for a second, panting as you caught your breath. A string of saliva suspended between your lips, snapping as you waved a hand through it and flushed.

“Sorry,” you whispered.

She just smiled.

“Is Joel going to be back soon?”

As if to punctuate your point, the front door banged open, the man in question pulling his jacket off and turning to see you both. You’d thankfully managed to get off her lap before he saw. 

“Oh!” he said, his eyebrows nearly touching his hairline. “I wasn’t expecting you two to still be awake.”

“Uh, yeah,” said Ellie, scratching the back of her neck. “We’ve just been…talking.”

“Good party?”

“Yeah.” 

“I’m glad. Tommy and Maria wish you a happy birthday, by the way. Though I’m sure you knew that.” 

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“Well,” said Joel, giving a sigh that only old men could recreate, “I’m off to bed. You two don’t stay up too late, huh? You’ve still got work tomorrow.” 

“Goodnight,” you two chorused. 

Once Joel had disappeared into his room, you turned to look at her.

“That was close.” 

“Yeah.” Ellie laughed nervously, picking at her cuticles. “Um—do you want to move somewhere else?”

Something deep in your chest ached. Sure, you’d be okay with spending another hour or so feeling her hands on you as she made you finish, but a part of you had really liked just touching her for the sake of touching her—kissing her just because you could.

“Sure,” you said. “Just give me a chance to change.”

When you knocked after switching into more comfortable clothes, the door swung open to reveal a significantly more nervous looking Ellie than you’d seen in a while.

“Hi,” you said shyly.

“Hi.” 

You stepped into her, pressing a tentative kiss to the corner of her mouth. When she didn’t react, you pulled back.

“Is everything okay?”

“Do you want to stay over?” Ellie blurted out, her eyes wide and afraid. 

You balked. “Uh, what?”

“You don’t have to,” she said, her eyes dropping to the ground. “I’m sorry. I know we’re not like that. I just thought that—maybe, I dunno, just this once—”

“Yes,” you interrupted. “Please. I’d really like that.” 

“Right. Good. Okay.” She took a deep breath, then laced her fingers through yours to lead you to her bed.

When your mouth found hers again, it was just like on the couch—no intentionally rough or overtly sexual touches, just gentle brushes against your skin and the weight of fingers tangled in your hair as she pulled you further into her.

For the first time since you confessed, you didn’t sleep together. When you two finally tired out, you flopping down on the pillow first, Ellie’s head came to rest on the expanse of skin between your shoulder and your neck, your arms coming around her.

It was strange. For someone so deadly and tough, Ellie suddenly looked so small and fragile curled against you, the rise and fall of her chest synchronized with your breathing. 

“I’m sorry Cat was invited,” Ellie said, her voice muffled from where her face was pressed into your neck.

“What do you mean?”

“I should have told you what her name was. That must’ve been a nasty surprise.”

Her foresight and understanding made your heart ache, deeply. How was it that she could say all these things but not want anything more with you?

“It was alright,” you said. There was no conviction in your tone. “I wouldn’t have expected you to tell me.”

Ellie was silent for a few beats. You knew she was thinking, though; you could feel the flutter of her lashes against you as she blinked.

“How long do you think it’ll take for you to forget me?”

You paused. “What? What do you mean?”

Ellie shifted against you, one of her arms draped over your chest. “I mean, when you go back.”

“Ellie,” you chided, bringing your hand up so you could run your fingers through her hair. “Don’t be ridiculous. As if I’d ever just leave you behind. If I go back there, I’m finding some way to bring you with me. So, no. That’s not even a valid question. I’m never forgetting you.” 

In truth, you hadn’t even begun to consider what you’d do if—when—you were found. You’d been so focused on trying to fit into your new life here that your past had largely just faded into the back, shrinking in the horizon. What you did know, at least, was that even in some dystopian future without Ellie, she’d never be off of your mind.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” 

“I’m not,” you replied, tapping her shoulder. “I mean it. You’re stuck with me.” 

Her diaphragm vibrated as she let out a short laugh. “Oh, the horrors.” 

She fell silent as you kept threading your fingers through her hair, letting your nails scrape against her scalp. The hand that wasn’t draped over your chest had crept up, her thumb rubbing back and forth as she traced the outline of your jaw.

“I’m sorry,” she said suddenly. “I can be such a sad drunk sometimes. It’s pathetic.”

“It’s okay,” you soothed, your other hand lightly dancing up and down her back. “I think it’s sweet.”

She snorted. “You would.” 

Then, after a few more seconds of silence: “You really weren’t jealous?”

“I never said that.” 

“So she did make you jealous?”

You flicked her shoulder. “Fuck off. Of course she did. Happy?”

“Thrilled.” 

A few moments later, she spoke up again. 

“Can you promise me something?” Her voice was deceptively casual.

“Anything.” You’d give her anything she wanted.

“Promise me that you’ll take the first opportunity to go home,” she said softly. “Promise you won’t do anything stupid.”

“I’ll take the first opportunity to go home as long as I get to have you around, too.” 

You couldn’t see it, but you knew she was rolling her eyes. “Not good enough.”

“You want me to leave that badly?” You weren’t sure if you should be hurt.

“Of course not,” she responded. “I just...I don’t expect you to wait around here for me. I don’t want you to. I want you to be safe.”

“I feel safe with you.”

“Will you just—fucking—say you’ll go?” Her voice sounded raw, tired. 

“Fine,” you said. “I promise.” 

Your words were empty. You couldn’t promise her that. She had to know that. But would it matter? If you never had to make that choice?

In retrospect, you weren’t sure when you drifted off. All you remembered was the warmth of Ellie gathered up in your arms, her measured breath blowing across your exposed neck as you felt the slow, marching rhythm of her heart.

~

When you awoke to the early morning sunbeams streaming in through the window and warming your face, Ellie was passed out cold on top of you. A few unruly strands of her auburn hair had ruffled upwards overnight, sticking to your cheek and threatening the seams of your lips. 

You’d never been happier.

As you thought, running your hand gently up and down the length of her spine, Ellie’s breath hitched.

You froze, thinking you must have woken her.

Then she made a quiet snort. She took another deep breath in, whistling as it went. Her next exhale was louder and caught in her nose. 

You did your best not to laugh enough to wake her.

Ellie snored, even though she wasn’t that loud. The part of you that was still intimidated by her was shrinking by the minute. If only you had known in the beginning that after a long day of bullying you she went back to her room to honk shoo the night away, you never would’ve let it bother you.

She jolted awake, blinking rapidly as she pulled away and looked up at you.

“What the fuck are you laughing about?” she said groggily. “It’s—” She twisted in your arms, squinting at her desk. “It’s 6 in the fucking morning. Shut up.” With that, she flopped back down on top of you, laying one arm over your torso so she could shove it the space under the pillow beside your head. 

“You shut up,” you heard yourself say. 

Ellie smacked your shoulder, not even bothering to lift her head. 

“You snore,” you said, quieter this time. 

“I don’t.”

“You literally do. I was there when it happened.” 

She was silent for a few moments. “Really?”

You pressed your lips to her forehead instead as you trembled from the laugh you were doing your best to rein in.

“Oh, god,” groaned Ellie. “That’s so embarrassing.” 

“I thought it was cute.”

“You think everything I do is cute.” 

“And what about it?”

You settled back in, wrapping your arms around Ellie as you tried to drift back off.

“Do you hear that?” 

Her voice was whispered.

“Hear what?”

“That sound.” 

You let go of her and sat up, your eyes unfocused as you tried your best to tune into whatever Ellie was talking about. Out of the corner of your vision you could see her staring at you with big, nervous eyes.

It took you a moment to notice it. No one could blame you, really. It was hardly a rarity to hear the sound of a plane when you grew up in Terranova. 

“That’s a plane, Ellie,” you said, reaching out to cup her face. “It’s fine.” 

“A plane?” She frowned, still blinking bleariness out of her eyes. “I’ve never heard one before. Joel told me that they stopped being used after the government officially fell.”

“That’s not true,” you corrected. “There’s some in—”

A puzzle piece clicked into place, and with it came a sense of underlying dread. But you shouldn’t be dreading it. It’s what you were hoping for after all, weren’t you? What you’d been praying for since you’d arrived?

“Let’s go outside and look,” you said, nudging her side. “I’m sure it’s nothing.” You were hoping it was nothing. 

Ellie followed you, pulling a throw blanket from her bed and draping it around her shoulders like a cape. She looked so cute like that. You wanted to bite her. Not, like, in a weird blood kink way. Just in a…you didn’t know how to describe it. Better leave it there. 

A lump formed in your throat.

Maybe you were wrong. Maybe this had nothing to do with you.

The air was tepid and pleasant against your bare skin as you two quietly opened the front door and crept onto the porch. The town was quiet. No one was awake at this hour, not unless they were down by the stables or doing night watch. 

There was a sliver of pink and orange hanging over the tops of the mountains, no doubt remnants of what had been a spectacular sunrise. There were still snowy caps on the highest peaks. You hadn’t known that mountains could stay so cold for so long until you’d come to Jackson.

The lump in your throat grew larger.

“Shit,” said Ellie, leaping down from the porch and onto the road. “Do you see this?”

The plane was no longer in sight, but the swirling papers that hadn’t been on the road the night before were left as evidence.

“They must’ve dropped them,” said Ellie excitedly, snatching one from the ground and bounding back up the steps so she was next to you. “What do you think this says?”

You smiled sadly. “Why don’t you read it?”

She unfolded the envelope, ripping open the top and dumping the contents out in her hand. 

“Oh.” 

It was a picture of you. It’d been taken months prior at your family’s Christmas party. You’d worn glittery silver eyeliner and curled your hair. The upper half of your body was in view, clad in a rich red fabric that landed right below your collarbones. A string of creamy white pearls were clasped around your neck, matching the teardrop pearls that hung delicately from your ears. 

HAVE YOU SEEN HER?

There was no other text, but you did notice a divet at the top right corner in the shape of a small oval. 

Terranovan security. Of course. 

Wordlessly, you pressed your thumb into the mold, holding it there for a second as the parchment recorded your print.

Then a paragraph formed at the bottom, ink slowly leaking into the paper.

COME TO THE COORDINATES LISTED BELOW AT EXACTLY NOON, MAY 15TH. A LIFT WILL BE WAITING TO ESCORT YOU.

You’d been found. 

final a/n: sorry not sorry this was the original cliffhanger that i was planning for part 4 all along. you guys are incredible for still sticking around and reading even though this is getting lengthy as hell. anyway i hope you guys enjoyed this sort of different side of ellie before we reach the final act. the plot is abt to reach its peak and i’m hellaaa excited to share it with you. okok let me know what you think! it might take me around the same time it took me to finish part 4 to get part 5 out considering how sick i am/how much i have on my plate, but i promise it’s coming :))

[semisolidmind]

@fattyskeleton

(so the last bad end wukong post was a sort of swap au, i guess? it spawned from a post before it in which mac takes swk's place on the journey protecting the monk, because swk is a bad guy here. like, one of the big bads. like maybe "the buddha wasn't able to catch him at all" kinda bad)

but I really REALLY like your idea here, so

(let's preface with some backstory. summed up, reader and wukong were sorta married? but it was juuuust a little bit against her will? and he kinda forced her to drink an immortality elixir? and macaque, one of wukongs closest friends and a general in his army, becomes closer and befriends reader. wukong isn't cool with that, attacks macaque over it (cool but traumatizing eye scar), mac is determined to get away from wukong and take reader with him. wukong gets even more power, goes crazy, goes up against heaven, gets trapped under a mountain for it.)

reader has (kinda??) gotten used to immortality (not like she had anyone mortal in this world to be sad over), she and macaque have gotten comfortable living together in their little hideaway on a far-off mountain, everything is going okay...there's been no sign of the monkey king since his rampage through heaven. macaque has assured her; he's safely trapped under a sealed mountain, and there's noone dumb enough to remove the seal.

until tripitaka.

the mountain splits in half, the sound echoing across the land. miles away, tending to her garden....

...reader feels a chill down her spine.

(in this timeline guanyin put the golden fillet on wukong immediately cause there's no way this iteration wouldn't try to kill and eat tripitaka on sight. )

so, sometime later, the pilgrims arrive. macaque is stunned, how did he NOT hear them coming? how did he not know?! now his greatest enemy is free and, and– actively helping the tang monk? wukong seems calmer than he remembers, but it's obvious how much he's straining against the leash the monk has him on. the deadly aura radiating off the monkey king is enough to make macaque nauseous. he not-so-subtley places himself in front of reader when he greets the pilgrims. but...it's too late to hide her. if the small intake of breath he draws is any indication, wukong has already noticed her presence.

reader freezes when their eyes meet. no, no, he was supposed to be trapped, he wasn't ever supposed to get out! she sees his pupils dilate, his smile stretch to expose his fangs.

"Peach! Its so good to see you again. I was worried the elixir hadn't worked, but here you are! Beautiful as ever." he gently laughs. he waves off any questions from the other pilgrims. when they ask who reader is to him...his answer is an amused laugh and a sickeningly fond look in her direction.

macaque and reader play the part of good hosts, but they're both incredibly nervous the entire time the pilgrims are in their home. the atmosphere is tense, and macaque doesn't leave readers' side for a second longer than he has to. dinner is a stiff, polite affair, and wukong never takes his eyes off reader. macaque insists the monk and his disciples take his room while he stays with reader. but that doesn't stop the feeling of being watched, or the murderous aura radiating from the opposite side of the house.

neither of them sleep well that night.

the next morning, the monk has macaque help him gather provisions before they move on, distracting him just long enough for wukong to corner reader. he presses her against the side of her home, nuzzling his face against her cheek...

"I'll be back as soon as this little trip is complete, ok, peach? Just sit tight and wait for your king to return~♡"

macaque and reader pack up and move the next day.

—

[crackedegotheories]

when there's smth strange in the new mark vid who you gonna call?

crackedegotheories!!!

(got thrown into a swirling rift in what I can only guess is the fabric of reality and told I needed to find an ax to help someone talking in blue lettered text)

You rang? (Side note, YouTube lost its notifications privileges with me, so I saw this message before I saw Mark's new video. It's probably the only reason I had enough time to type this post up before I head off to the airport, so thank you!)

Okay, to recap: We have a really weird drive by bee attack. No relation to the lore or anything, just bizarre. RIP, bee, you went out stinging. Then we have Mark talking about his love of being dropped into horrors beyond his imagining (not a masochist) and deep lore, before asking Lixian to show us something very deep--"throw them in the hole!"

Lixian says to the viewer, "I guess it's your turn to go into the hole" (my emphasis, we'll get back to that), before we go into a pink, flaming hole. It's tempting to draw the comparison to the wormhole from ISWM, but what's interesting is the color--the only time we see a pink wormhole in Space is when Wilford calls us a ride after ours, uh, was "mysteriously" stabbed.

Inside the hole, there are swirling clouds and flashes of blue lightning. Near the end, there's a break in the clouds that actually kind of looks like a side path to the left, but unlike In Space, we don't have an option of left or right here, we just plummet through the main hole to be met with darkness, and blue text.

"Help me", "Please, help me", and "Only you can find the axe."

Someone is asking for help, someone who claims that only the viewer can find the axe. So, let's talk about the axe, shall we?

First, we start with my boy, Damien:

In DAMIEN, the very first thing we see is Damien himself, chopping down a tree with an axe. This is apparently a daily thing for him, and he chops down a LOT of trees, but in the climax of the video when finally confronting Actor Mark, Damien doesn't have his axe. Instead, Celine arrives, using the axe to break through to Damien and, uh, giving it to Actor Mark to hold for a second.

Chronologically, the next time the axe is picked up is at the end of the fan game for Damien made by Lixian, just for Mark. At about the 48 minute mark, Damien/Dark sets his axe down as he's greeted by Wilford, which is then picked up by Lixian himself.

Lixian is scratched up, presumably from his fight with Lunky in 3 Scary Games #61 which has Lixian attempt to cage Lunky only for Lunky to break out.

It's in the following, unnumbered 3 Scary Games that we first see Lixian wield the axe, to split Lunky in half. (Brutal!)

He would then go on to use the axe in 3 Scary Games #64 and 65 to kill the horror abominations of Mark featured in those videos, and attempts to use it again in #66 only for it to bounce off.

Lixian tries to attack, and gets captured for his efforts, and we next see him in #75, waking up outside of the mysterious Plier Corporation and realizing he doesn't have his axe.

Since then, as far as I can tell in what time I have left to type this, the axe hasn't shown up again. It's missing, and someone needs our help finding it, but who and why?

Part of the explanation may lie with what the monster in #66 says at the beginning of the video: "The end is nigh. He has opened the door. The great Eldritch Plier is coming. Your end is here."

We get a hint at who this "Eldritch Plier" might be in 3 Scary Games #69, which begins with a man standing outside of a pink (!) portal, through which pops out Spider!Mark (one of the same creatures Lixian killed when he had the axe).

This man resurrects Lunky, its two halves barely clinging together, and the next time we see it is with Mark, who admits he doesn't actually remember making Lunky.

Lunky's most recent reappearance is in 3 Scary Games #103, where now whole again he uses the viewer as a sacrifice in his ritual to go back and seek vengeance, presumably against Lixian.

So the safe bet is that it's Lixian asking us to help find the axe so he can take on Lunky, right?

Except...why would he send us through a portal to tell us that? And why would he think we would be the only ones who could find it?

It would make more sense if someone else, someone who is well aware of the workings of the channel and the viewers' place in it, someone who may know of this Eldritch Plier and the danger he poses and shares his ability to summon portals, to do so.

Someone like one Wilford Motherloving Warfstache.

Or, y'know, Dark. He might also be involved.

[bubble-popping]

day 24 and my friend sent me smth that was so drunznoblade coded I had to write smth for it

based off this but this is just the first part :)

It was all really fuzzy for Punz, especially when his head was pounding as bad as it was. Just trying to think back on what happened caused another wave of head-splitting pain. They definitely drank way too much last night...

God, he needed a tylenol. Some food would be nice too. A breakfast burrito sounded so good right about now. Was taco bell still serving breakfast? Actually, what time was it anyway?

Punz had to squint when he looked at his phone, the only way he was able to stand the glare of the screen. However, before they could even think about looking up taco bell's menu times, they noticed they had a full notification bar. After clicking and scrolling a bit, just seeing the typical posts and messages from his friends saying how awesome last night was, he got to one from a group chat.

They didn't recognize either of the profiles, and the only message was from one of them.

"Did you make it home safe, baby? Heart emoji?" He mumbled to himself, a tone of awe in his morning voice.

'who is this??' He wrote back. Clicking on the profiles brought him to one account that was totally private with a blank image while the other was filled with pictures of a fluffy haired blonde posing next to friends, family, and food. Now they were really hungry...

He got a response sooner than he anticipated.

'u forgot abt us already? :('

'we made out like half the night man'

Punz had to read that twice just to make sure he wasn't seeing things. Half the night? They must've been wasted to not only agree to that but then not remember it at all.

"Sapnap," he hissed at his roommate, knocking on the wood of their bunk bed in an attempt to wake up the younger man.

His answer was a long groan, which when translated meant 'leave me the fuck alone.'

"Dude, wake up!" They pressed, tossing a pillow up onto Sapnap's bed. It was promptly thrown right back at their face.

"What? Tryna sleep off this fuckin' hangover, dude..." Sapnap leaned over the edge to glare at them, bedhead even messier than usual.

"What happened at the party last night?"

"What are you talkin' about?"

"Did I make out with someone?"

Sapnap appeared just as confused as him until realization slowly dawned on his face, then he was laughing. "Oh, dude. Yeah, that shit was wild. I got some other friends to come and you guys were going at it."

Punz visibly recoiled, cheeks red and brow furrowed. "Are you serious? Wha-how? Why??"

"How the hell would I know? I think we were playing like spin the bottle? Or something? You got Dream and then went back for seconds, I guess. Oh and Techno, you were all over Techno, bro."

"Who?"

Before he could respond, Punz's phone buzzed again. They looked down to see more messages.

'so r we still gonna meet 2day'

'or did you forget that too?'

"They wanna meet with me." Punz glanced up for Sapnap's reaction only to find the younger man had, presumably, returned to his pillow. "Sapnap!"

"What?!" He leaned back over, frowning. "I told you I'm tryna sleep!"

"Should I meet them? They're still like, total strangers, bro."

"Yeah, strangers, but you were sticking your tongue down their throats." Sapnap rolled his eyes while Punz turned an impossible shade of red and made and affronted noise. "If it gets your ass outta the dorm for once, then go." With that, he once again plopped down, and this time Punz thought it best to let him be.

Blunt as he put it, he was right on some level. These Dream and Techno people clearly cared about them, at least enough to want to meet again.

At worst, he'd be able to ask questions and fill in the blanks of what happened last night.

[atwhughesversion]

hello :) if you have more fil lore to share i would love to hear it 🫶

oh my god yes i do!! buckle in bc i love this czech man and his gorgeous beard and this post got a little long.

first, here is fil being smiley with his former teammate fil (fun fact: filip zadina is who the red wings picked instead of quinn hughes in the draft, allowing the canucks to get quinn.):

source

second, while i can only add one video, here is a link to one minute of fil and his dog (the photos below are from this vid)

fun facts about hronek:

idk if you’ve seen the clip but during one of the last games of the season, when the canucks were beating the flames 3-0, the hot mic picked up on fil shouting “you have holidays in two days” to the flames bench

he scored a goal off of a 107.9mph shot last season which is insane and i need him to do it again

quinn literally loves him:

“I thought we were going to be a very good tandem, but we’ve been way better than I could’ve pictured us being. He’s helped me so much.” [source]

“(I) probably haven’t played with a player as good as him. He’s really skilled, can move the puck, can see things, can defend, can skate…they wanted to maybe split us up but I’m happy we’re together.” [source]

“Maybe he’s not comfortable around the media, which is fine. But around us, he’s like one of my favourite teammates ever. He’s not quiet, but he’s not loud. He wants to work with me and I want to work with him.” [source]

fil vs the media:

literally gonna be a rivalry for the ages now that he’s signed a long-term deal w us and i kinda can’t wait.

backstory: hronek is quite reserved and isn’t super comfortable in front of the media, as is his right. at his exit interview this season, jeff paterson got into it with him because fil denied that he had an injury and jeff wanted him to say that he did on the record lmao. this conversation starts at around 2:25 of this video:

hronek: i mean, you named it. like, first half of the year i was producing, second half i was not.

paterson: and why was that?

hronek, my sassy king: um, why? if i know the answer, i probably would do something different.

paterson: were you playing through an injury?

hronek: ?? no

paterson, about to make his way onto my bad side: like, we gave you your space all year; we’re just trying to ask a few questions at this stage

hronek: well what do you want me to say?

paterson: i just, i was curious about where the production-

hronek: what do you want me to say on—like, on the injury, if i didn’t have injury, what do you want me to say? i said no.

[cue awkward silence until a different reporter starts talking to soucy]

now, fast forward a little while: he still hadn’t re-signed, and vancouver media was doing vancouver media things (speculating about how he probably hates it here and there’s no way he can be a canuck if he doesn’t like doing media and he probably wants to go to a more lowkey city etc etc.) when, low and behold, he signed an 8-year contract extension. One of his quotes?

"I guess I'm going to have to do more media for 8 more years. It's going to be fun." [source]

him and jeff paterson are gonna be bffs by like november 2027.

also, filip on vancouver as a market/canucks fans:

“I like it. It’s nice when people like it and they enjoy the hockey and they’re supporting us, so, it’s a lot of fun.” [source]

some fil pics:

baby fil:

[the-sky-queen]

Avatar the Last Airbender theories I had that turned out to be false

So unlike literally everyone else, I didn't grow up with ATLA and discovered it sometime when I was in high school. Can't remember exactly when. Because of this, I created a few theories as I was watching for the first time, trying to predict where the show would go. All of these ended up being completely wrong, but they're fun, so I thought I'd share them!

Zhao becomes the Firelord

Sooooo funny story with this one. I actually had two exposures to ATLA before I actually watched it and one of them was THE SERIES FINALE. I didn't see the whole thing, but I did catch a huge chunk of the ending. So before I even started watching officially, I knew Zuko was gonna be a good guy, which is why I never gave up on him. XD This also means that I got to see Ozai's FACE.

Ozai doesn't show his face in book 1, and by the time I started watching, I'd forgotten what Ozai's voice sounded like. I also had very little idea of who I'd seen Aang fighting in the finale was in the first place. So I kinda took one look at Zhao and said "YES. HIM." The theory went like this:

Zhao slowly climbs the ranks of the Fire Nation over the course of the series, growing more and more power hungry as time goes on. Eventually, he gets to the point where he overthrows/assassinates Ozai and becomes the new Firelord. Aang has to fight him in the finale and Zuko has to take the throne that's rightfully his back.

Imagine my disappointment when Zhao got eaten in the book 1 finale. XD I was so convinced of this theory that I didn't even believe he was really gone for a looong time after this.

2. Zuko is a Double-Bender

Remember the Blue Spirit episode? Of course you do. Well, there's this split second clip as Zuko's rescuing Aang where he picks up a bucket of water and splashes it on a guard or something. I completely missed the bucket on my first watch of this episode and concluded that whoever this Blue Spirit guy was, he was a Water Bender. I then proceeded to get my mind absolutely BLOWN when I realized the Blue Spirit was actually Zuko. I started going crazy with theories that Zuko was secretly a Fire Bender AND a Water Bender. Hence, a Double-Bender. I asked a friend about this theory of mind and she sadly debunked it for me. However, this is still my favorite ATLA theory to this day and I have an entire AU centered around it. One day I'll get around to actually writing it.

3. Jet is a major recurring character

So the other time that I got ATLA spoilers before watching it was when I accidentally half-watched most of Jet's introductory episode. The friend I was with at the time groaned in annoyance at Jet, leading me to believe that he showed up A LOT and he was the worst thing this show had to offer. I fully expected Jet to pop up ALL THE TIME and make a nuisance of himself. I was relieved to discover he doesn't come in nearly as much as I thought he would.

4. Ba Sing Se stuff

Rapid fire round! I thought a lot of things about everything that happened in Ba Sing Se:

Team Avatar all get brainwashed by the Dai Lee except for like Sokka or someone, who then becomes wanted by the entire brainwashed city and has to figure out how to reverse all this.

Zuko happily lives out the rest of his days with Uncle Iroh at the tea shop and never runs into Team Avatar again.

5. Azula alone

Team Avatar frees the entire city of the brainwashing. Specifically Joo Dee.

Yeah, I thought all of Ba Sing Se was brainwashed, not just some people.

I was 100% convinced that Mai and Ty Lee were going to betray Azula at some point during book 2 and then join Team Avatar. I guess this kinda happened? Kinda?

Aaaaand this is all I can think of for now. I'll make another post if I think of more theories I had, but this is about it. :)

[theoldworldsrunnerup]

(HI I hope this post makes sense it’s almost four am and I’m tired)

Okay so I’ve been thinking about this post (I’m too lazy to summarise it, please go look at it yourself for context) since I first reblogged it and, more specifically, why exactly it translated to “romantic”, because??? Surely it didn’t actually say that (I assumed it was maybe a word that could mean romantic but had differing definitions depending on the context or something like that) (also I had already heard that it said “beautiful” instead of “cute” so I’m not focusing on that).

So, despite the fact that I do not understand Japanese whatsoever, I decided I needed to figure out where exactly in the sentence “romantic” comes from, because it was going to bother me for ages if I didn’t.

After searching for a VERY long time, I managed to find this image of the untranslated Japanese version (which I only found because I remembered where to look lmao).

At first, out of curiosity, I stuck the text into google translate myself to see if it would say anything different, but it was pretty much the same result. I actually tried several other online translators, but again, they all said the same thing (in various levels of coherency).

Now, while google translate can be unreliable, I figured I could use it to get the gist of individual words, and, in particular, figure out what exactly here translated into romantic.

Something I noticed was that “romansu” by itself translated into romance, but, since the romanised version had “romansugurē“ written as one word, I put all of it in and ended up with this.

So, from this, I had figured out where “romantic” had come from. But at this point, I was more interested as to why “romance” and “grey” were one word here, so I looked it up.

The term romansugurē is, unsurprisingly, derived from the words romance and grey. It’s usually used to describe the grey hair of a middle aged man, but its connotation can kind of differ. From what I understand, it can be a somewhat neutral descriptor (a lot of the results from my search defined it as “silver-grey hair”), but it can also be, as this introduction to linguistic anthropology I accidentally stumbled across puts it:

In this context, I guess it’s kind of similar to terms like silver fox.

I went scrolling through twitter for about half an hour to see how people actually used it, and if either connotation was more commonly used than the other, but it seemed pretty evenly split (although it seems like it’s usually used in a more positive context, it isn’t necessarily always used in the context of sexual attraction, if that makes sense???).

So, in conclusion: it DOES actually say “beautiful romantic grey hair”, which I did not expect, and, taking into account the second connotation, may or may not be somehow gayer than the official English translation.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. If anyone who actually knows what they’re talking about wants to add anything to this/correct me on something, please do (but please be nice about it :( I’m trying my best here).

[verilly]

REL:LY / Magic Words / LSG ✶

Aqua Hoshino x Reader

This is PART THREE, check out other parts in the link below!

REQUIEM: Sixth New Genesis!

What's to come: [Reader likes both genders], [Aqua x Reader], [Akane x Reader]

[Songs of the chapter: "MANNEQUIN" by Deco*27, "Parasol Cider" by Nanahoshi Orchestra, "Nonsense Bungaku" by Eve]

[7,531 words]

It's been a few days since the video was posted. Multiple news websites were talking about it, people online were harassing others about it, even people in real life were talking about it. Even though Akane doesn't want to be the face of the news so soon, it's shining a better light on her. She is a victim of the internet and she'll never have that innocence back, but she's a lot better now.

Akane has been showing up on set more often now, you cling onto her like there's no tomorrow when she stays. Honestly, when she first came back, you swear you could feel your eyes watering, but that isn't important. What is: is that Aqua gave Akane an important suggestion. "Try acting, be someone who you aren't to protect yourself. Separate this show from your real self." It really wasn't something you agreed with, but if it would keep Akane happy and safe, you'd be okay with it.

"It's really all your choice, Akane." You perked up, leaning against Akane's shoulder glaring at Aqua, "Don't think about the audience when you make this decision. I know they're important or whatever, but you are too!"

"I think it's a pretty good idea and I am good at acting, but... what— who should I act as?" Akane asked, tilting her head to the side you were opposite to. Aqua stared out, not giving her a response. "Ahem. [name], what do you think?" Akane shifted her head to face you as you stopped leaning on her shoulder, before you could respond, Akane kept going. "What's your type?"

Your face turned red as your eyes widened under your mask. All eyes were on you, including the people filming. You choke on your words before letting them slip, "M-My ty-t... type..?" You bit your lip, did you even have a type? The only person you've ever fallen for was... Hanae. You caught yourself before you accidentally said her name. Roaming around your mind, you realized how similar Akane and Hanae really were. What differences did they even really have? Hanae was more conservative and less obsessive, then again, people had more of a life outside social media, didn't they? You shake your head after another minute of pondering, "This isn't helpful at all but... *I think you being yourself in all of your 'Akane-ness' is my type."

"You're lying..." Akane blushed, jolting her head to look at the floor, "How could you say that? Even after all I've put you through..— Hm! N-Nevermind..!" Akane took a deep breath in and put her arm around your shoulder, "A-Aqua! What about you? You did save me too after all, I think I can do this for you. As a thanks." You stared at Aqua, is Akane just going to ignore your super-extra-cute confession? You pout under your mask and lean closer into her. Aqua better have a good answer. "So... What's your type, Aqua?"

"Hm..? You're really serious with that question?" Aqua looked a little shocked, he sighed and looked out the window, "I never really thought of that, I guess." He rested his cheek to the palm of his hand and started thinking. "My type... I guess my type is someone who's pretty."

"Go to hell!" You mutter half jokingly.

"Keep going Aqua!" Akane said, pulling out her notepad and pen. Staring at him with her pretty blue eyes.

"Someone who can smile as bright as the sun, and performs without a fault. Assertive behavior and speech... Captivating eyes that can draw you in with one glance..."

"You're telling me you've never thought of your type before? Hah, what a stupid lie." You half-heartedly joke as you shake your head back and forth, "Come to think of it, a pretty girl who works hard... kind of sounds like Ai from B-Komachi, doesn't it?" Aqua's eyes widened for a split second before calming down quickly, his lips forming words, but you couldn't hear it at all.

"Ai? I've heard of her... I'll research her the best I can: I'll be your girl, Aqua!" Akane said with glee, writing down the name in her notepad while putting it back down on the table next to her. She turned back to you and smiled, "And what you said [name]... I.. Mm, thank you."

You leaned onto her shoulder as Aqua stared at the two of you. His eyes were dark. Did no one else notice that at all?

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆˚

You were back on set today, another week passed by without any progress on finding Hanae. You were inside a classroom, the sun was bright, Aqua sat directly next to you. Couldn't he have found another chair? You'd been sitting next to him the entire school week, your head plopped down into your arms as time passed by slower than usual.

Aqua didn't say anything when he sat next to you, the camera's were on, glaring onto your face. Still, you didn't feel the urge to act or put on a show. This was just life, for you at least.

...

When's Akane getting here?

Just as you thought that, footsteps could be heard from behind the doorway. You got excited, getting back up and impatiently staring in anticipation for Akane to enter.

It was just Mem and Yuki. Ah, well that's fine. Maybe you should go hang out with them? Before you could get up from your seat, the two girls had already come over. Not to you specifically, but towards your general direction. Their real target was Aqua.

"How's it going, Aqu-tan?" Memcho slyly asks, sitting on the desk in front of him, "I overheard that... you have a type??!"

"Yah, and I heard it was pretty basic too! All you care about is looks, am I right? All boys are the same! It's about time you morph into a man!" Yuki says, bursting out laughing after.

"Who told you that?" Aqua asks, deadpanned, he doesn't seem mad or concerned.

"How silly of you, Aqu-tan! I said we overheard!" Mem laughed, you forgot you told her about the 'conversation' you and Akane had with him. "I also heard that Akane was acting for you? That's so totally weird! Why would you do that to that poor girl?"

"Yeah Aqua! You totally suck! All you care about is looks!!" Yuki adds in, you nod your head to their conversation... When is Akane going to come back?

Begrudgingly you continue to watch everything unfold before you as you lean on your arm. All you could think about was Akane.

...When did the two of you get so close?

That's when the door slid open again: It was Akane!

The door was wide open, she didn't enter though. She patiently waited for the cameras to pan to her. Akane I bailed deeply before closing her eyes, when her eyes opened back up she was a completely different person. Her 'aura' changed.

She reminded you exactly of Ai.

You guessed that Aqua noticed too because he was just as shocked as you were, maybe even more. Akane's eyes were different, they looked just like Ai's too— no, they looked just like yours. Just a different color. Was this seriously all just acting? How could someone just change their entire vibe like that?

"What's wrong you all?" Akane asked, looking at everyone present, "It's almost like you've seen a ghost!"

"A-Akane? Is that really you?" Yuki asks, understandably a bit taken back, "You seem so... different...?"

"Do you dislike this part of me, Yuki?" Akane asked, tilting her head to the left. Yuki shook her head while she waddled back towards the two boys who just walked in. "So, how about we hang out all on our own today, Aqua?"

You felt a pang of sadness when Akane said that. Why Aqua? Why not you? You don't blame her though, Aqua is quite handsome, isn't he?

You shove your head back into your arms as the room fell silent. Aqua and Akane left the room together with a group of camera people following them. Was all your hard work for nothing? Did Akane not like you? Did she really like Aqua more than you? Aqua is just so... off putting. But she's never been under his stares for days on end has she?

Aqua totally likes her now, doesn't he?

Why does that make you a little sad?

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆˚

For the next few days of shooting, Aqua was all over Akane. Though, you weren't out of it the entire time. You and Akane still had moments together, and it was really enjoyable. It felt really familiar, but you couldn't really put your finger on it.

Then it came to the last day on set. Everyone knew that the last episode was all about the cast members confessing to each other. You didn't plan on doing anything, there was an uneven amount so it was bound to happen, a fail on the casting director honestly, but you aren't going to complain. You'd rather not have manic fans asking about your love life while streaming, and if you were going to confess to anyone: It'd be Akane, and she's currently preoccupied with Aqua.

The sky turned dark and the sun started to set, you sat down on a bench as the crew started to gather around. The contestants lined themselves up and discreetly discussed with each other on who picks who. It's usually the boys going for the ladies, isn't it? You could guess who would go with who.

"Alright, is everyone set?" The director asks, casting a glance towards the people working with the lights and cameras.

"Yes sir!" The higher up yelled back.

"Action!"

The air seemed tense, somehow. No one was up to the challenge of going first. You kept to yourself, watching through your mask. Was it figurative or real because it was getting a little harder to breathe as each minute went past.

Noboyuki bit the bullet and went over to Yuki. He got on his knee and poured out his feelings to her, it was honestly kind of cute. She said no though. You didn't actually understand it at all, Yuki said she liked him, so why'd she reject him?

Then it was Kenji, who knew he'd go next— not like there were a lot of options, but still. He went up to Memcho of all people, didn't expect that either. They were so different, so it was kind of a shock to no one when Mem rejected him.

Lastly, it was Aqua's turn. He was standing between you and Akane, his eyes glanced towards you for a split second before he slowly walked towards Akane. She was sitting underneath a tree on one of the other benches, his hand traveled up to her face and brushed a lock of her blue hair out of the way.

Their faces drew closer and closer together, lips barely an inch apart.

Aqua's eyes shut and Akane brought her hand up.

Right before their lips connected, Akane brought a hand up between the two of them.

"I'm sorry, Aqua. I just can't do... that." Her eyes didn't have stars in them, "We can still be boy-girl friends, my heart just... it's for someone else."

She quickly got up from her seat. Everyone seemed shocked, you and Aqua were no exception. What was she up to? Akane excused herself and bowed as an apology to Aqua, and also probably the camera, and marched towards you.

"[name]! Will you accept my confession of love?" Akane shouted out, her face was red and her hands were on her thighs.

"H-Huh? What?? Why me?- I mean I would love to and everything but I seriously don't uhm!!" You stutter, your face turned red. Everything was a blur in that moment, you don't really remember too well as to what happened but, Akane slipped your mask away and kissed you underneath it. Her eyes were shut with passion while your eyes were wide open, stars gleaming. You didn't stop it, a kiss takes two people after all.

You were definitely flustered, your eyes wandered to the people in the crowd watching the two of you. Aqua looked shocked, his mouth was wide open, a real sight to behold. The rest of the crew looked almost exactly as surprised as Aqua, was it really that bad?

Or in other words: Would it give this season of Lovenow higher ratings than the rest?

-End of Re_Love:Love_You

Lovenow was a hit with everyone, there weren't as many controversies surrounding you and Akane that you thought they'd be. Which is a good thing, but mildly strange. The two of you decided to make your relationship private, mostly for your sake, not stating whether the two of you were dating or not. On the inside though, Akane decided to stick to just being friends— Just kidding! The two of you are full on dating!

Just kissing again... it was more of a situationship.

On the other hand, a few days after Lovenow ended, it was released to the public that Akane and Aqua were dating! Which made you... jealous. Though honestly you couldn't really place why.

To your dismay, they didn't air the episode of you and Akane sharing a kiss. Instead, they begged Akane and Aqua to re-record the part and act like they were in love. The two agreed reluctantly while you threw a tantrum in your head.

...

Fuck.

You bite your lip as you throw your head onto your pillow, why was Akane so important to you? Not that it matters right now, you have a party to get to. What would look good on you?

It was the Lovenow after-celebration, not something you've ever been to before. You asked Aqua about it since he had one for a past drama he was in, apparently this one is supposed to be less fancy. Just a casual hangout with the cast, an unofficial party! How cute!

You tossed something on and went to meet your friends at the barbeque place you went to last time. It was the same old, same old, even the seating. You were squished in between both Akane and Aqua, even though the two of them were dating. It was awkward to say the least.

"So I heard that Akane and Aqua were dating!" Memcho stated, poking at the freshly cooked meat in front of her, "What made you change your mind, Akane? I thought that you and [alias] really had something special!"

"Huh? Oh! We do! We do, just for [alias]'s sake. They told me that their fans would freak out or something... and that it was for my safety? I don't really understand it all, but if [alias] wants it then I thought I'd do that."

"Oh I see... then what about you Aqua? What did you think?" Memcho asked, turning to look at him.

"I think that it's fine, me and Akane only started dating because so many people were betting on it on social media."

"Ah, so you're no fun. I see." Mem sighed, collecting some bell peppers from the plate in between her and Yuki, "Then what about you, [alias]?"

"...Akane can choose for herself, that's what I think." You were deadpan with your answer, you didn't want to come off as rude though. Is it too late for that? "☆Oh! But seriously, it's all for Akane's safety that we don't get together. As an internet celebrity, I expected you to understand." You said jokingly.

"Ahh! I do! I do! I'm professional in every aspect- not that I'd expect you to understand either! I am your senior after all, aha!" Memcho defensively shouted, laughing with you.

Kenji and *the other guy entered the room with a few more drinks, this hangout session was a lot less fun than the one you all had last time, for you at least. How could you change that though?

The night was coming to an end, everyone said their goodbyes and you tried your best to cling onto Akane as best as you could. She didn't seem any distant than she was in the beginning, but it still felt as if there was a barrier between the two of you. This is Aqua's fault. You groaned as thoughts wandered in and out of your head, you were surrounded by the two blonde's. You never knew Mem lived in your direction.

The walk was really peaceful, you didn't expect that much from Mem. However, the person to break the peace was Aqua.

"Memcho, what's your dream?" Aqua asked, his head poked out from your side to look at the girl beside you.

"My dream? My dream is to be somewhere, be someone. It was really fun being on stage with all you real celebrities. It was almost like being on a stage." Memcho sighed, she twirled her finger in her blonde locks. "I saw how you reacted when Akane acted like Ai, she really captivated you huh? I really miss that about her..."

"You know about B-Komachi?" Aqua asked

"How could people not know about B-Komachi?" You laugh as you put your arms on the back of your head, "Especially after the tragedy, it's a lesson well learned. Ai didn't deserve that at all, she was going to make it to the top of the world."

"Exactly, right? After that I couldn't believe what horrendous thoughts I had! Even after what happened and what was yet to come, I still wanted to become an idol." Mem looked at the ground before rising up with a smile, "That's all behind me now, I believe in myself, and I'm sure that I'm someone's idol— at least, I'm sure there are hundreds of people looking up to me."

"The two of you really like B-Komachi?" Aqua asked, putting a hand to his chin, "What about you [alias]? Have you ever thought about being an idol?"

"An idol?" You thought about your second life, you weren't even an idol yet. And in this life, you already had a plan set for yourself. You didn't need to go down that path, but you never were an idol before.. What are you even on about? "Oh? I guess I have, but who hasn't in this day and age?"

"Then what would you think about joining the second coming of B-Komachi? Strawberry Productions is trying out the whole idol thing again." Aqua said, putting on a soft smile. It looked weird. "We're friends, aren't we? I think that I know you two well enough to trust that you'll be great idols and won't tarnish the name of Ai." He's acting so strange.

"What?! Oh em gee! It would be an honor!!" Mem agreed happily, "Though, I would need to speak with someone who actually knows what they're doing, make sure it isn't too shady."

"Yeah, if the contract is okay I'll think about it."

"Right, you've been to my home before. Just follow me."

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆˚

You've been in Aqua's home before, but never this up close. You got to see his mother and sister again, they're really cute. Another thing to add was that his 'house' is a lot larger than yours. What was the word for it? It was a studio apartment while yours was a small crummy apartment your mom left you when she moved back to her home country. You really never realized how big it was.

"Ah, so you've brought another one for me. You're really good at this whole recruiting thing, aren't you?" The pink haired woman grumbled, "How'd you manage to snag this one? A YouTuber and full-time influencer?" She shifted her gaze to look at you, "And a faceless internet celebrity and singer. I'm surprised that either of you were interested in becoming idols."

"It was a dream of mine ever since I was a child, ma'am." A drop of sweat rolled off of Mem's face as she spoke to the director.

"Well the two of you are independent streamers so there aren't any managers I need to talk to?"

"I am independent in it of itself, but I do have a team working for me in the background surrounding legal advice and finances, so I believe that I would have to check in with them before I make any hasty decisions." You say, gripping at your lower forearm, you really didn't want to experience another death so soon. You haven't met Hanae yet... and everything regarding the industry is much more safe, isn't it? So no falling lights.

"Once you get a concrete answer, there won't be any problem regarding Internet personalities, we at Strawberry Productions work with them on a daily basis, but you Memcho. You look like you have something to say."

Memcho was lying about her age. By 7 whole years. You tried your best to suppress a few giggles to slip out from your mouth, but then she poured her heart out about what inspired her, made her keep pushing, and what blocked her from getting any farther. At that point, you felt bad for almost laughing.

"So by the time I was financially stable, I was already over the prime age from any idol to debut..." Mem sighed as she looked down at the ground, fiddling with her fingers. Before anyone else could and then Aqua's sister barged into the room.

"No one is too old to be an idol!" She shouted, jumping on top of Mem with a hug, "Every age is idol age, that's what Ai would say!! Are you really going to join me in B-Komachi?!!" She looked over to you and smiled as bright as the sun, "And you! The one that Aqua totally def-likes-because-why-else-would-he-invite-someone-as-cool-as-you to our house, are you going to join us too!?"

"I'm thinking about it, but I'm sure that you'd all do well without me!" You say, ignoring the parts that she said too quickly for you to understand.

"But you're just so talented!! You can sing so well and you'd be such an amazing addition to B-Komachi!" She shouted out, "Oh! My name is Ruby Hoshino, please remember my name even though you are so ultra-amazingly-famous-celebrity!"

"Th-Thank you, ☆I'm sure you'll be a great idol...!" You feel awkward saying that, did you even really mean it? Probably.

They talked more about it for a few minutes, but it came to an end. You texted your team about joining B-Komachi and they texted back in a meer seconds, it would affect your stream schedule greatly, but you'd still be able to live off of it for a while. You had enough money to sustain yourself and maybe one more person for at least a few years. It was really all up to you, did you want to try to become an idol again?

That was all you could think about, you tried to get sleep but the scene of getting crushed played over and over again. You even searched for any new articles about it, but not a lot showed up. At least, not on the internet. It was over 40 years ago, wasn't it?

God you sound old.

It's a lot safer now, so you wouldn't die from being an idol. With another bonus of being a part of the famed B-Komachi! That would most definitely get Hanae's attention, wouldn't it? It'd help you find her— or maybe Hanae will find you? You'd have to tell Aqua tomorrow at school. Yes.

Anything for Hanae.

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆˚

The sun rises and so do you, thinking about being an idol made you feel tense all of a sudden. Ruby goes to the same school as you, so it shouldn't be hard to tell her you accept her invitation, right? You could always just ask Aqua. You continue on with your daily routine as you shrug, your uniform looks as plain as it did the day before. Maybe you should add something on to it?

Eruru calls you over and Matsuyo over to her table and yaps on and on about how her weekend was. Being a loved daughter of an amusement park owner would be fun, wouldn't it? She shoves you and Matsuyo in her arms and suggests that you three should go out for fun, you agree with her. Matsuyo hisses at her touch, but doesn't move further.

"Ohh! Let's all take a photo together, it would look really cute for my Instagram!" Eruru says, pulling out her candy colored phone, "Say 'Cheese'!~♡' or how about 'Happy Third Month of School!!' That looks so so cyuute!~ Ah you guys are the best!"

"How does she have this much energy...?" Matsuyo grumbles, taking out his own phone, "But going to the park with the two of you doesn't sound that bad."

"It sounds amazing!☆ We could go on so many of those roller coasters until we vomit our guts out together!⭑" You say clinging onto his back, shaking him back and forth. You felt embarrassed, but he didn't flinch.

"Not you too" He complains, "But that sounds good too, maybe not the vomiting."

"Alright!! What about this Saturday? Or Sunday?" Eruru chimes in, "I posted it and it already has a few likes! We are totally going to be super duper famous!"

"Saturday is fine, we have to study on Sunday though. We have a test, remember?"

"Arghh!! No tests! Those are so boring." She whines.

Aqua walks into the classroom and sees you leaning on Matsuyo, he seems a little disappointed. You brush it off and roughhouse with your newly made friends. Though he was back at it again, staring at you from a distance. It didn't creep you out as much as it did before you officially got to know.

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆

"Aqua, take me to your sister."

He couldn't take your nerves sometimes, yet he found himself agreeing anyway, as you now walked next to him, hands on your hips. The way to the courtyard felt neither fast-paced or slow, you didn't say anything as you two made it to the destination of where Ruby Hoshino sat.

Neither of you noticed the red haired girl lurking close by.

When Ruby's magenta eyes spotted the two of you, she perked up expectantly.It was as if gears turned in her head until her face lit up and she proudly exclaimed "Oh, Aqua! Are you showing me your first friend?"

Aqua only looked at her with a deadpan expression, but you felt the need to squint your eyes together, the female twins' energy being way too bright. It was somehow higher than Eruru.

"Your sister is too bright, can you tell her that for me?",you stood behind Aqua, only daring to look at the personified sun over his shoulder. He ignored your comment though and gave a court 'No' to his sister, who immediately had the gears turning in her head, again until...

"Ah! Is she your girlfriend?"

Your jaw dropped to the floor. There was a shocked aura coming from one of the bushes nearby, as well as the sound of someone falling back a little, yet nobody bothered to notice. As your eyes went wide, Ruby continued on a rant, completely unbothered though, as she made fun of her brother.

"I can't believe you tried to get with that Akane girl, because like-"

"She is not", Aqua cut his sister off. He put his hand on the small of your back and you tried to not react, but you couldn't tell, was your face heating up? He pushed you forward towards Ruby and then pulled his hand away. "This is [alias]."

...

"Oh!" Ruby really needed to work on her volume control.

The aura coming from the bush changed, you couldn't tell if it was in a positive way or not, but the redhead used it as a hiding spot to claw at her hat.

Eyes blessed with one starry glow gazed into the ones holding two and the blonde girl stepped forward grabbing and holding your hands together. The serious look on her face surprised you, there were so many emotions in her eyes, like a deep galaxy and suddenly you saw an energy in Ruby that you've only ever seen in an idol long passed.

"So you've decided?", there was hope in her voice.

The close proximity was still startling you, as well as her suddenly turning serious, but you quickly tried to gather yourself. Small flashbacks of the long lost time where you've spoken similar words flood your mind, hands unconsciously gripping hers a bit tighter.

"Yeah, I've made up my mind. I'll take up your offer, I'll join B-Komachi as an idol."

-End of Magic Words

Even before you joined B-Komachi, you knew that training to be an idol would be hard work. However, you didn't expect it to be this hard. Maybe it's a lot more different in this body than your old one. You aren't an energetic 12 year old anymore. Was all this cardio really worth it?

You stop to catch your breath with your hand on the stone wall next to you. 'Why did I accept her offer' kept running in and out of your brain as your face turned red with adrenalin. Pieyon shouted for you to keep going as you were way behind the other three girls. Biting your tongue, you made it on top of the hill before flopping to the floor in front of Kana and Ruby. All this running puts way too much pressure on your little deformed rotten heart.

"Are you okay, [name- [alias]?" Ruby asked, putting a hand out for you to grab.

"Ruby! Why are you saying that? You're the one with asthma!!" Kana sighed, helping Ruby lift you back up from the ground. Ruby comments with a 'But I'm not the one dying!' as you stare at the sky above.

"Keep it up, [alias]! It's only been 30 minutes-ish!" Memcho laughed, patting your back and handing you a sticker covered water bottle. "Well actually it's closer to 25, but y'know~"

"What do you mean it's only been 30 minutes??!" You whine, pulling your mask off to the side of your head to breathe in fresh air for the first time. "I feel like I'm dying!! There's no fucking way I'm going to be able to do this on a stage.."

"Language!" Ruby shouted, "No idol would ever drop an f-bomb without getting criticized, we really need to work on that." She took a sip from her water bottle, it was glittery and pink. An Ai charm was attached to the lid. "And put your mask back on!!"

You groaned as you slapped the mask back on your face. *You had to go to the amusement park later with your friends... would they even let you go? You weren't even that good at dancing either. Idol work just isn't meant for you. You fall butt first onto the floor as you shut your eyes. B-Komachi II is already going downhill. Speaking of downhill, that was your next goal. Running downhill back to the studio with your new friends and Pieyon. Again, you were behind them, but it wasn't as bad as the run up.

When the apartment was reached, you felt the cool breeze of sweet air conditioning on your skin. You sat down on one of the brightly colored sofas Strawberry Studios owned.

"No sitting down just yet! We have to work on our muscles! And also learn choreography, some marketing stuff using videos, probably some more cardio, oh wait, not to mention editing the videos–" Ruby continued to go on for a few more minutes as you caught your breath, again.

The dancing sucked, especially learning it all from a not so high quality video. There wasn't anyone to train you besides Pieyon and the Ai fanatic: Ruby. She was a lot better than you were, so was Kana. Memcho was also better than you, but the gap between the two of you was a lot smaller than your gap with the two self proclaimed idols.

You wonder where Aqua is.

As hours went by, your training for day one was finished. You were with the girls, sitting in a room with walls made of mirrors as they packed up their stuff and made some small talk with each other.

"Here's what's funny: we did this whole work out thing with Pieyon to promote B-Komachi! It was sooo hard, we had to do, like, actual punches and stuff for a whole hour!" Ruby burst out laughing, but quickly stopped to think, "I just don't understand kids these days, why do they find buff guys working out so entertaining? Whatever, we'll have to make them fall in love with us!~"

"If they're all going to fall for us, then we're going to have to make a name for ourselves as idols. For example: Who's going to be the face of the new B-Komachi?!" Memcho says, putting her pointer finger to her lip.

"So a leader?" Kana asked, shifting her eyes to look at Mem.

"Yeah! A leader! I say that I should be the leader because I'm the one with the most experience using social media and with uh– nevermind that part. That's totally [alias]."

"No thanks, I'm not up for being the face of this whole group thing, I can't be the face. I don't even have one." You joke, "But I'm being serious, I don't think it would do us any good by having me be the leader. Plus, I don't think I'm really... marketable."

"I totally understand that." Ruby says, putting a hand on your shoulder and smiling, "We won't pressure you any further– but since we're on this topic... I nominate myself to be the leader of B-Komachi because I resemble Ai the most. Plus, I was the reason we made this whole group in the first place, y'know? So I think that the title should go to me."

"Well you aren't going down without a fight!" Memcho shouts, pouncing towards Ruby. They got in a cat fight as you look over to Kana.

"What about you? You haven't said anything yet. Any thoughts on who the leader should be?"

"Hm? Oh well... no comment." Kana sighs, "This is dumb, why don't we just get a random number generator online and just like... I don't know. Ruby is even and Memcho is odds, and whatever number gets chosen the person gets the win?"

"No Kana! That's a horrible idea!" Ruby shouts, "Being an idol is all about talent! Memcho, I challenge you to a singing contest in the karaoke bar down the street! Whoever gets the better score gets to becomes leader!"

"Oho, child? You dare challenge me? Respect your elders, Rubytan!" Mem laughs, you can't tell if it's at her self deprecating joke or at Ruby for challenging her. Mem pointed her finger at Ruby with a silly looking grin plastered across her lips.

"Yeah? You wanna go? Let's go!! C'mon!" Ruby runs out the door with Mem closely behind her.

"What about you Kana, are you gonna go with them?" You ask.

"No, probably not. I'm going to head home now. It's getting dark anyway. Bye [alias]." Kana left before you could say bye to her. From a distance you could hear her saying bye to Pieyon as well.

You're alone in the room as you sit in a corner and scroll through the apps on your phone. It's always the same thing again and again, art of you, food, videos of babies, art of the newest anime, true crime, the latest controversies, paparazzi photos of Akane, and school stuff on your separate account. It's all so much, maybe you should post something soon...

*Shit.

You run down stairs quickly only to find Pieyon taking his mask off. A pretty blonde head of hair popped out of the mask as he set it down. It was Aqua under there the whole time!

Oh.

Oh???

"Oh. Hi [name]." Aqua said, his face was sweaty and gross. That's what a mask does to someone, doesn't it? "I forgot you were still here."

"Eww!! I hate that, put your mask back on." You whine, covering Aqua's face with your hand from a distance, "I can't believe you did that stupid voice! You're such a loser!!" You laugh, "And I can't believe that you were the one to make me run all of that stupid shit!!!" You groan, flicking his forehead.

"You said you wanted to become an idol, this is how you do it." Aqua says softly, looking over at you. His hand was over his forehead. "Can I take your mask off?"

"Well if it's you then it's whatever." You sigh, his hand slipped your mask off carefully, grazing his fingers– barely touching your actual face before setting it down onto the table before you. You flinch at his touch and make a face before reverting back to your normal self. "I don't think I like this whole idol thing right now."

"Really? Why?"

"I want to say that I'm loving this whole setup, but I like it when group activities are like... how do I say this, I wish that I could be friends with all of them. And I know that the time will come, but as of now it just feels really uncomfortable. Like Ruby is obsessed with me for some reason, Kana just doesn't seem to like me that much, and Mem is– well actually nothing is wrong with Mem, she's cool."

"That's a lot." Aqua sighs, "Do you want me to talk to them about it or something?"

"No. That'll make me sound like a loser. Instead, I'll just... I'll just chill out or something, I'm sure that it'll be fine. Idol work is hard work, so I'll push through like the rest of them☆"

"Make sure that you take breaks though, you know it isn't going to be good for you if you don't." Aqua says, he puts his hand on your right arm in a gentle way. You backup a little with a smile across your lips.

"And how would you know that? ☆It's not like my heart's going to explode or something." You take your arm back from him as you say, giving him a look.

"Do you really know that?" Aqua asks, "It doesn't have a high chance of happening, but I'm sure someone like you with a genetic heart defect would take precautions, no?"

"..." You were taken aback that he remembered something so invaluable in everyday life about you, but you were grateful to some extent that he did, "What does it mean to you anyway? You aren't some sort of doctor or something! You're just a kid you like idols– and it's not like you're gonna give me a break from any exercises!!"

"True, maybe I'll need to train your heart more than the others, yeah? You and Ruby."

"That is so... stupid!! Aqua you aren't going to make me do anything."

"But that's how you can be a good idol, don't you want to make your fans happy?" He said menacingly, it's almost as if he was trying to test you.

"I already make my fans happy! In fact, just because I joined this group means that I can't stream or– or make any content for them all to consume!! [alias] is falling off right now!"

"Chill out, it's only been like one day." Aqua murmurs.

"One day is a lot!! But like... I guess it's fine. I can still try to make music and they'll eat it up..."

"I'm sure Matsuyo would be upset. He's a real big [alias] fan." He states sarcastically.

"And you aren't? Your sister seems to like me a lot!" You reply sarcastically to his comment as you cross your arms.

"I'm more of a [name] fan."

"..." Your face turned red as you bit your lip to not say anything else that he could counter and make you even more flustered- embarrassed. Yeah, embarrassed.

"...Weren't you supposed to go to the amusement park with Eruru today?"

"Oh shit! I totally forgot!! Okay, yeah. Thanks Aqua!!" You yell, running off to meet your friends. So that's why you came down here, you can't believe that you forgot about it so quickly. The time is 7:39 you're already 19 minutes late. You mentally beat yourself up as you call an uber your way to ride over to Wonderland, Eruru's place. You hurriedly type up a text to both Matsuyo and Eruru filled with apologies and lies on what you were doing before this.

You cover your face with your hands in the car ride as you think about what just happened. Did Aqua really need to say that? Did he even mean it or was he just trying to get high ground? Or was he just trying to catch your off guard? His words kept repeating in your head. That's it: you'll never let your guard drop around him. Hopefully.

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆˚

On Sunday, you and the girls met back at the studio. The silence was somewhat awkward. Kana was on her phone, trying her best to not think of anything related to B-Komachi it seems, Ruby and Memcho were looking back and forth at each other, whispering in each others ears every now and then while giggling, and you were staring at all three of them with an awkward smile plastered across your face. At some point, you started staring out at space.

Thankfully it wasn't for long because Ruby quickly broke the silence with Memcho at her side. "Okay! We decided who the leader should be." She smiled while Mem gave her the thumbs up. "It's going to be..."

"Kana Arima!" Mem and Ruby both shout out, pointing their fingers at the surprised girl. Her jaw was dropped, and so was the phone she was previously holding.

"WHAT??" Kana shouted, "There is NO way I'm going to be a leader for this... rookie group! It would make me look bad! And it's not like I'm like Mem and [alias], they all have a backup plan! I'm just some... erm... I don't have an agency or- or a fanbase that I could crawl back to if this whole plan falls backwards! This is just totally not going to work out in my favor! There's no way! Nononono, everythingisgoingtofailandand... What happened to you wanting to be the leader, Ruby?!"

"Well while we were out at karaoke, we saw some songs that had your name in it!" Ruby said, pointing to a picture on her phone.

"And then we searched it up on YouTube! And we saw such cute videos of your singing songs and some of them were actually pretty recent. Kana, you have such a great voice! So much better than me and Ruby!" Memcho says, clicking on one of the videos on Ruby's phone. The song started playing and before it got to a part where you could get a good listen to Kana's voice, Kana jumped and slapped the phone off of Ruby's hand.

"No! D-Don't listen to crap like that!!!" Kana screamed, "I- I thought I told you guys that I didn't want to be the leader!! Didn't I?"

"You did? I don't remember you saying anything like that~~"

"Noo!! I can't be the leader, I know nothing about being an idol! I never even liked idols to begin with, I think they're all phony and fake for keeping up an act all the time!"

"Hey! Don't disrespect other idols, we could get canceled for that you know! And you put on acts all the time, you're an actor. That's your job!" Ruby shouted back, picking up her phone from the floor and dusting it off.

"If it means anything, I think you're the most experienced out of all of us, Kana." You say, putting your hand on Kana's shoulder, "And I know this is all unexpected, but we all believe in you. You can do this!☆ You've been on a stage before, we haven't! If anyone, I think that it should go to you. We're all learning how to be idols after all." Kana looks at you with a smile as she takes a deep breath.

"And if you mess up, we'll be right behind you to pick you back up!" Ruby said, her left eye shined brightly, it almost outshined you!

"That's so totally right!" Mem agreed, nodding her head back and forth, "You'll be a terrific leader, and if anyone disagrees they'll have to answer to my fists!"

"I... I guess I could try being a leader. If I'm good enough, I'll be able to push the spotlight on you guys. Th-Thanks." Kana's smile drops as she closes her eyes. She said something that only you could hear, "If I'm good enough, or... if I'm the best leader then he'll be cheering for me. I'll be a bright star that he can look up to."

Kana likes someone? You didn't expect that, but you internally agree with her. Even if you do hate most things about being an idol, you wouldn't let B-Komachi crumble down. Hanae wouldn't like that, so neither would you.

-End of Looking So Gentle

Check out the other parts here! {CLICK ME}

[stone-stars]

So recently I had the pleasure of designing this pin and sticker for @innbetween's season 5 crowdfund! Which (as of posting this) is ALMOST OVER! Go support them!!!

[ID: Two similar circular designs of the quote "If you don't like what you've become, you may change again." The first only has the second half of the quote. The border is made of branches, with leaves sprouting from the branches on the left and empty branches on the right. One acorn hangs from one of the empty branches. Along the bottom of the border, plants sprout on the left while mushrooms grow on the right. The background is dark green. In the first design, the text and all the lineart is gold, and the leaves, plants, acorn, and mushrooms are colored in simple flat colors. In the second design, the text is gold, but the branches are brown, and there is more detail and texture in the various parts of the design.]

Since the crowdfund is wrapping up I wanted to share some of the early designs and some of my thoughts on the finished design, because honestly i loved a lot of them.

[ID: Rough sketches of a variety of designs, all featuring the "If you don't like what you've become, you may change again." Some feature only the second half of the quote ("You may change again"). The first is a sketch version of the design above. The second is a rounded rectangle, with the "I" on again being dotted with sprouting mushrooms. The third is a pair of acorns, one with the full quote and one with the half quote. The fourth is a circle with a tree with an acorn falling from it. The fifth is a mushroom. The sixth is an acorn on a branch, with the first half of the quote on a leaf and the second half on an acorn.]

You might've guessed it, but considering Tode, who says the quote in the show, is a druid, the designs are all heavily nature themed.

Fun little note! On all the designs, the leaves are oak leaves to tie into the acorn, and the mushrooms are based on Amanita muscaria, which is among the mushrooms most frequently called Toadstools (see what i did there).

In all honesty, when Hannah came to me with the quote, the first design that came into my head was the one that we ultimately settled on. We actually took another design (the other circular one with the oak tree) to a more refined stage, but the final design just clicked in the end.

And here's a little breakdown of that design! There's a lot of elements going on here, but in general I wanted the details to represent that no matter where you are in life, you still have the potential to change. Thus, the 'cycle', so to speak.

[ID: The final design, this time annotated. There's a circle of labels around the border, with arrows pointing to the next label. The cycle is "Sprouts: New growth" → "Oak leaves: Life, thriving" → "Bare branches: Death/dying" → "Acorn: Seed (potential/rebirth)" → "Mushrooms: Decomposers". At the bottom, there's a horizontal line that's split down the middle. To the left is "Life" and to the right is "Death"]

Here's the thing: I had so much fun with this design. It was fun to think through all the little things I could include, and it was so much fun to work on a design for a show and a sentiment that I love with my whole heart.

So once again, if you want a sticker or pin with this design, or if you just want to support an incredible podcast, go support Inn Between's crowdfund! And if you do get one of my designs, tag me in it when it gets to you, I'd love to see 👀!

[dearmrsawyer]

My garden!!!!!! Everything is growing so happily!! The giant beast is the zucchini, it has declared itself the king. I have been deriving a huge amount of happiness from my garden which has been nice since the last month has been 🎵 the woooorst 🎵 i wrote in all my xmas cards how much better this year has been and then two days later proceeded to have such a really bad time lol

Nonna went to hospital last month with pneumonia which i was not terribly worried about as she tends to do that at least once a year, it is rough on my mum who ends up at the hospital almost every day because nonna is mostly non verbal, and its just easier for her peace of mind to be there rather than leave her to the mercy of understaffed nurses. I visited her once but i don't visit her much when she goes to hospital because i'm immunocompromised and a hospital is an excellent place to catch something! I was very surprised, given that we're in a covid wave, that not a single hospital staff member was wearing a mask when i visited (me and mum were though). Nonna was thankfully in a room on her own because she's quite high risk, although on her last day they transferred her into a ward with a bunch of other people, i assume because of limited beds. Anyways she came home after a week much improved but then dipped again very dramatically for reasons we couldn't understand. Turned out she caught COVID while she was on hospital!!! 😃 Did she catch it off an unmasked nurse or in the ward they shoved her in with 49594389043 other people? Who can say! 😀 So off she goes back to hospital! Of course she'd been home for almost a week before we found out so we all locked ourselves in our rooms testing ourselves. My mum, brother and I managed not to catch it, which is genuinely a miracle since we were all very hands on with her once she was back home, given her diminished strength. but guess who she did give it to, nonno 😀 Off to hospital he goes! So glad that the hospital, which is chronically low on beds and staff, gave both my 91yo grandparents covid so that they could take up more space in an understaffed hospital!!! (Nonna also got another infection while she was there hooray.)

They both came back home not too long after with some antivirals, and neither of them had too rough a go of it, which i am so thankful for. Once they were home we basically split the house in half, mum stayed downstairs with them since she had to keep caring for them, kareem and i stayed upstairs. Obviously it was a relief to have them home and not feel like they were likely to die anymore, but it was stressful to know that mum had to take care of them by herself, especially since nonna basically could not move at all. she was already mostly dead weight after coming home post pneumonia, so kareem would help mum get her around, but now she was even weaker, and mum didn't have any help at all. so idk it was just awful feeling useless. plus just the stress of waiting to see if we'd caught covid! none of us have had it yet, so its still quite scary to us.

We kept the house separated for about a week and a half i'd say, by that time nonno was all better and nonna was symptom free but her strength hadn't returned. it was five days of sweet relief, during which mum had a night out with one of her work friends, VERY well deserved. well well well, she caught covid on that night out 💯 she doesn't catch it whole locked in with nonna and nonno all that time and then the second she's out in public BAM. i literally. HOW. we all isolated in our rooms and started testing ourselves again, and i don't think i got more than 4 hours of sleep for nights and nights waiting to see if i'd caught it AGAIN. also kareem's gf tested positive a day later, so kareem had been exposed to mum AND his gf, and i'd been exposed to mum AND kareem. i was literally like my number is up how can we get away with this again. in what can simply not be anything other than an act of god, kareem and i dodged it yet again. the RELIEF, also the relief of not having to mask everytime i left my room and sanitise my hands and everything i touched, i do not take that for granted. of course once again i have felt useless that mum is again left to care for nonna and nonno alone WHILE she's unwell 😕 but i have been able to cook for her, i've gotten to cook some of my garden vegetables for her! so that's been nice. mum also wasn't hit too hard thankfully, and we'll stop separating the house on wednesday. i literally don't want to have contact with another human being for the foreseeable future, i am sick of isolating and thinking i have covid and not sleeping, everyone stay away from me and let me live in peace \o/

while all of this has been going on work has been so horribly stressful lol i have not been able to decide whether it's a relief to work and block out home life or get off the clock and block out work life. a handful of small projects were thrust upon me in late november, all of which needed to be done before the end of the year. why they couldn't be greenlit earlier i literally do not know, since i know their need was identified months ago. i do love being overwhelmed and crying at my desk 😀 also i genuinely feel these projects should not be my responsibility and so while i do think my input was needed on them i was very crankly that they were assigned to me, and that if they operate as planned will become a regular fixture of my role next year, which is already VERY stressful to think about because students are returning to campus next year, and i'm significantly busier than i was last time students were on campus, so i'm concerned about how i'll be able to do everything i need to do. plus these new projects i don't want but have to manage.

UGH well the good news is that i am already on holidays, usually i would work until a couple of days before xmas but i would like to thank august!jamila for deciding to move my usual block of leave up by a week, and thursday was my last day of work for the year. she could not have known how much december!jamila would need that but she did it anyway. some good things that i have gotten to enjoy through this past month were my garden and getting to watch the recent dr who specials in my lounge room under my christmas lights. a friend lent me some books that i have been DEVOURING they have been sooo good, and i have also been reading lots of wonderful fic. it is almost christmas and i am planning all the desserts i will make and i'm excited! ugh i survived this past month and i did not catch covid and everyone is alive, i am hoping that on wednesday this chapter can finally close.

[allie-campbell-bradshaw]

Chapter 9: Hurt

A/N: I am so glad to be back in the full swing of things. You have no idea how much I have loved watching this story develop…not to mention my craft too! I mention this in my notes for every chapter, but just in case you missed it– I do not give permission for my work to be re-posted without credibility. If you do want to post this story to your page, please be sure that you tag my account or at least mention its original source in your post. Again, thank you for being here and I hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: Swearing (It is the navy after all)

Chapter Nine: Hurt

BRADLEY’S POV

The reading quiz in chemistry was a breeze on Tuesday. Although I must give credit to Trace for that one. She knew exactly what parts to study and which paragraphs from the reading would be questioned. It was like she had a natural gift for intuition.

Although there were some highlights, the rest of the week was a drag. Allie and her two friends were not in the cafeteria at all for breakfast that week. I couldn’t not blame myself for that one. Despite Emmett continuously pestering me for updates, I didn’t bring Allie up at all. Well, I at least didn’t bring her up first. And thanks to the rigor of the academics, it was pretty easy to forget her while I was focused on my studies. Yes, I still thought about the two encounters we’ve had, but seeing her less and not thinking about her as much has made that slight hurt go away.

Flash forward to Thursday, and we were now sitting in our flight training course, scratching our heads as we read, and re-read, and re-re-read the same problems over and over, not seeming to make sense of them. It started off pretty easy, with basic takeoff and landing calculations. Now, in the middle of this fifty question test, they were referring to flight gargan that I had never heard before. There was a scenario about a wing that made no fucking sense. 

Natasha and I made eye contact with each other. She let out a deep breath as she played with the pencil in her hand, looking way more flustered than I did. Javy was sitting next to her, keeping his hands buried in his face, elbows on the table, as he struggled to get through the problem.

“Time!” Officer Tate called out in a military-esk yell. She was our professor for our aircraft interior units. We would work with her once every three weeks. This week we focused on the parts in the nose of the aircraft. She was a rather large woman, with skin deeper than Javy’s and thick black glasses. She looked to be in her mid-30’s, but I wasn’t ever good at guessing ages. 

All of us put our pencils down right away, half of the class learned the hard way that if you kept writing after she called ‘time’, you’d get a 0. Even if it was only a split second after she yelled out to us. However, I feel that our immediate sense of ending the assessment came from frustration and overall just being over it, rather than her conditioning. 

There were 8 of us in the class. Very small, but that’s what you expect when you go down such a specific, and dare I say not very popular, career path. The guy that has assumed the role of the class pet, Taylor or Tyler or Tyson (something like that) volunteered to pick the papers up, which Officer Tate gladly accepted.

Once Ty-whatever the fuck- was back in his seat, she gave us our next assignment, one that was due by the next time we saw her in September. We had to learn the names and purpose of every mechanical device that was in the middle of the airplane, right below the wings.

We were randomly put into pairs, everyone excited about their partner except for Natasha, who got put with the pet. She gave me an annoyed look before she made her way over to him, which made me smirk. She was the woman that would say what everyone was thinking. I loved it.

I quickly took her former spot, greeting Javy, my new partner as we looked over the work packet that he had to fill in. Over 14 pages stapled together, all of which had at least 2 or 3 different parts, or cords, or machines outlined for us to fill in.

Today was the only day we could do some hands-on work with the anatomy of the cessnas before we started to fly them next week. Amen! We all followed Tate to the oversized hangar that had 4 naked cessnas scattered about. All of the groups found their own to work with for the remainder of our class time. Javy and I opted for the one closest to the opened garage, letting the breeze hit our hot bodies as we looked at our aircraft.

I looked outside of the hangar, noticing the building on the opposite side of the runway. The words “U.S. Naval Academy General Hospital” stuck out in bold, slightly faded, navy letters. The outlines of the letters were covered in dirt and moss, confirming the older age of the building. It was a medium shade of brown brick, with a row of outdoor entrance rooms lining the tarmac. I remember hearing that those were used for general treatments for students that got minor injuries, not essential enough to take up any of the hospital rooms inside. The hospital had 2 levels. The bottom floor housed their emergency room wing and recovery wing from the surgeries that took place in the wards that were at the end of the wing. The second floor was used for the general hospital visits. Where people would go if they were in labor, or recovering from an illness, or receiving treatment. 

“Fuck!” I heard Javy yell next to me, as he grabbed his hand and took numerous steps backwards from the aircraft. “Watch out for that powerbox by the fuselage Bradshaw. That shit’s super magnetic. Almost took out my whole hand”. He winced as he walked away, shaking out the pain that I’m sure was radiating through his body.

“Do you need a medic?” Tate asked Javy, who was pacing now as he waved his hand, having a hop in his step, in a shit ton of pain for sure!

“No,” He answered, “I’m good. I just need a minute”.

“Let me know if you need to see a nurse,” she continued, “they can wrap it up for you if the swelling gets too bad”.

I walked over to where he was and looked at the magnetic powerbox. It was resting right in between two other parts, with less than an inch of room between its parameter and those of the other parts. It would for sure take out anyone’s hand if you didn’t pull it away in time when it latched. There was a button that you could press below it, which caused the magnetic strips to give so you could easily take the box out of the airplane.

It was the powerbox that was outlined in the fourth page of our packet. I quickly turned to that page and read up on its performance. I was in the middle of the page when I froze, thinking about Officer Tate’s words: Let me know if you need to see a nurse, they can wrap it up for you if the swelling gets too bad. 

Could it be this simple? As far as I could tell, this was the only way where I could ensure that I was in a room alone with Allie. She would be forced to listen to me then. And then I could explain all about the stupid bet, and how I just went along with it to entertain my moronic roommate, whom I loved very much. She needed to know that I was serious about getting to know her. That she was more than just a “bet”. I quickly made my way back over to the middle of the aircraft, ducking over and finding the space that the powerbox normally lay. 

I kept contradicting myself. Always finding reasons for why I should or should not do this. This would all be a waste if she wasn’t at the hospital, or if another nurse treated me, and by doing this, I was risking my flight time for the rest of the month. I wouldn’t be able to work out as much as I nurtured the injury. But she was so worth it. Talking to her, and clearing my conscience sounded like a bigger benefit in my eyes. I couldn’t live with myself if she thought I was just a run-of-the-mill fuckboy. I was far from.

Suddenly, I felt Emmett’s spirit enter my thoughts. I have to give him credit, for how grossly immature he was, I sure was learning a lot from him. He taught me how it was okay to let go, to not be serious all the time. He was surprised to learn that my senior superlative was “Best Personality”, but I gotta admit, I was a character before my mom died. She would call me her “mini goose”.

Carole rushed to grab the video camera, laughing as 9 year old Bradley, who had put on his one dress suit, his wig that he still had from his einstein costume that he wore from halloween, and his moms black reading glasses.

“Hi everybody!” Bradley began, speaking to an imaginary audience in front of him, “Harry Carey here! And it lookth like we got a very exthiting world theries on our handth”!

Bradley was imitating one of Will Ferrel’s SNL characters, recreating the scene he had just watched with his mom a few days ago. He kept going with the scene, looking over at his mom and laughing when he realized she was filming, before creating his own skit with the character:

“And if you look over here,” he grabbed the camera and turned it to Carole, who was sporting a red sundress in the summer heat, continuing with his speech; “You thee a very pretty Carole Bradthaw!” Carole struck a pose and did a twirl for the camera. “I love you mom!” Bradley yelled out to her, still holding the camera on her.

“I love you too, mini goose!” She said before walking forward and reaching for the expensive equipment.

Bradley beamed as he went back to his scenes, spending hours and hours creating SNL skits in his living room as his mom watched, seeing Nick in his eyes, knowing how much he would have loved to do this with his son.

‘JUST FUCKING DO IT’ I heard “Emmett” saying to me in my head. If he was really here, he would have thrown my hand in the aircraft long ago, carrying me bridal style towards the hospital before dumping me at Allie’s feet.

Before I could even change my mind, my hand was holding the powerbox in the aircraft, letting the force carry me forward as the magnets snapped together.

[koolkat9]

Ok. No joke. Never heard or seen A N Y England x Germany ship ever in my life up until now. The way my jaw dropped when I saw your page. (Not in a Bad way tho🤤) BUT PLEASE ELABORATE CUZ I NEED TO KNOW. SO WHY ENGLAND X GERMANY?

We're definitely one of the smaller ships here, but we at least have 200+ fics which is more than some of my other ships have. But anyway...

So I guess I'll start with what first got ME into GerEng. I've shared it before, but I love telling this story! So the year is I think 2018? Yeah 2018. Dreamtalia has just been fully released and the creator and her friend are doing a lp of it. Now this is the first hetagame I got into, and although I've seen the whole story at this point as the whole game had been shared on the creator's channel though part of it was like barebones, only sketched screenshots if even, but I loved the game and this creator and her adlibs were always entertaining. Keep the entertaining adlibs in mind.

So I'm watching the lp and there is a part of the game where your party of characters split up. Ludwig and Arthur, who at this point have been butting heads are paired together and shenanigans ensue. Now, canonically to the game, if I recall correctly, they bond a bit, a foundation for a friendship that is shown a bit in the beta of the sequel. But, the creator and her friend started adlibbing because at one point Ludwig offers his hand to Arthur when they're overcoming some obstacle and them holding h became a running subplot all completely adlibbed. At this point I was a hard Ger//Ita shipper and usually the game would have Ger//Ita undertones, but I started to get invested in the GerEng plot line and I was coming back to the lp every time they post to find out what happened next for the "handholding buddies."

Gosh this is already long and I'm not fully done my story and I still need to talk about my fav parts of the ship...shit...Okay 2019 an alternate small scale sequel releases for Dreamtalia based on the the bad end of the game and the GerEng subplot. This is where I really got into the ship and led me to searching for fics and fanart. Because after Dreamtalia I didn't think of GerEng again. Didn't think I would. But then this sequel came out and it got be hooked. And then I started writing for them and soon replaced Ger//Ita as my OTP.

Okay putting the second half of my favourite things about GerEng under the cut because this is already long.

Okay, first things first. I just find it so appealing that these two stubborn lonely men find each other. They're similar which does cause them to butt heads sometimes, but it also means they understand each other. They've been through similar things, have similar poor coping mechanisms, but through their relationship and trying to prevent the other from isolating and wallowing in guilt, they've started to stop themselves from doing it too.

And it's a mutual thing. Arthur is there for Ludwig following the World Wars as Lud is faced with his anxiety, PTSD, guilt and he's facing this all alone because either his loved ones have been forcibly ripped from him or he pushed them away. Taking a page out of another GerEng creator's book who I'll talk about in the next paragraph, Arthur comes along is like "Here. Music. Also human interaction."

Then once Ludwig gets in a better place, Arthur starts to spiral, faced with his crumbling empire and losing his status as a world super power. He feels he has no purpose now and being an empire made him feel untouchable, without it, he feels vulnerable. But Ludwig is there, basically uses Arthur's own advice against him with some of Lud's own experience.

Now of course there was so much more that went into both of their healing journeys beyond just each other, but their relationship both when it was platonic and romantic was an important stepping stone. And it just makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

Going back to their similarities, it's not all hurt/comfort, doom and gloom. They love to bake. I think they share some similar music interest since their was a period of music exchange between the two countries following ww2. Teethhoarder, an amazing artist and fic writer knows a bit more about this and covers it in their fic Are Friends Electric and also give a good run down on their ask blog. Their stubbornness actually can be beneficial because Ludwig doesn't take Arthur's shit and pushes back. And their bluntness has it's perks too because both of them, especially Ludwig need things told to them straight. And they're both not big into PDA, completely content with just simple handholding.

Then there is the history. Christmas Truce 1914 where German and British troops declared a truce in honour of Christmas and celebrated the holiday together. I as well as many other shippers see this as a jump start to their relationship, the time where they got to know each other as Arthur and Ludwig instead of the British Empire and the German Empire. Then there is the whole music exchange. There is also another historical period that I think contributes to their relationship, but I don't like touching that era when Lud is involved...

Also canon...though not necessaryily with overt romantic undertones like early Ger//Ita or Su//Fin or Fr//Uk or nowadays Ger//Fra, they have their sweet moments in canon like them having tea together. Or sharing rations. Or the Christmas Truce. Or how that one episode where they're all sharing their horror movies and one of the fun fact pop ups say Germany and England work on horror movies together or something. Then there is that one time Arthur is helping Ludwig with his work persumeably. Or the time Art was fretting about Ludwig working in his games. Oh here's that strip:

Also just this is just funny to me, Lud not knowing how to compliment his bf:

Anyway...I think that covers everything...I mean I have so many headcanons, but these are the main things. You ask "why GerEng" you get a whole fucking essay...

[screechthemighty]

Trigun enjoyers we are SO back. I actually have another completed chapter but I DO want to finally start playing Final Fantasy 7: Rebirth tonight before my brain quits on me, so I'll post that tomorrow. Until then, enjoy the chapter that literally had to be restarted like. Three times. And then have a huge chunk carved out of it because it was too damn long. (Seriously, writing this was a nightmare.)

the unknowable tomorrow | a tristamp fanfic part nine: wolfwood

cw: injury description, blood, medical trauma, self harm, discussion of child abuse, panic attack, dissociation, amputation, brief gore.

citations: quoted dialogue from trigun stampede 1x8, "carry that weight" by the beatles, this meta post

.

It was the first and only time Wolfwood went through a doorway and hoped he’d see July City. What he got instead was a long stretch of sand, a hazy but massive object hanging in the sky, and two figures on thoma not too far away. Wolfwood didn’t have to look closely to see who they were. He could already guess.

Son of a bitch, damn it, damn it, Needle Noggin… Wolfwood bit back a barrage of curses and started pacing back and forth. Open the door. Open the damn door again. We talked about this, I should not be here, so open the door and get me the hell out…

Something caught his eye as he turned. Something was approaching the two figures from behind. It was half-shrouded in the sand, moving slowly and silently enough that neither of them had noticed yet. Wolfwood knew what a trail like that meant. Burrowing worm, one at least as big as the thoma. It was amazing how quietly those things could move. How quickly they could zone in on potential prey.

Shit.

Wolfwood’s feet were moving before he had time to think about it. “Hey!” he called. Getting closer just confirmed his suspicion. That puff of blond hair was pretty hard to miss. “Hey! Vash!”

Vash turned on his thomas. For just a second, his expression was bright, happy.

Then his thomas bolted. That split second of distraction was enough to unseat him. Wolfwood cursed and ran faster. He could see the sand starting to vibrate and push up as the worm emerged.

Shit.

“Hey! Hey!” Wolfwood nearly fell on his face yanking his shoe off, but managed to keep his footing. “Hey asshole! Over here!”

He threw the shoe. He was almost impressed with himself that he caught it in the eye stalk as it emerged. No time to gloat, though. The worm had locked eyes with him, and it was pissed. “Yeah, come on! This way!” He kept waving his arms and screaming, only taking off when he was sure it had changed directions. “Get out of here! Go!” he yelled over his shoulder.

Honestly, he didn’t have a plan anymore. His only thought had been getting the creature away from Vash. Now, Wolfwood was just running, minus one shoe, and hoping that another portal would open up and let him get the hell out of there.

Come on, Vash, give me a hand here!

The sand under his feet started to get loose. Almost liquid-like.

Zazie tended to keep the worms away from members of the Eye. At worst, a burrower would suck him in a bit and leave him submerged up to his waist, just to be annoying. But this wasn’t the future, and Zazie, if the little freak was around, didn’t know him yet. So, when something emerged right under his feet and grabbed him, Wolfwood didn’t feel a playful nip. The mandibles grabbed on tight.

It hurt. Just when he thought he’d gotten used to pain, life found some new agony to throw right in his face. The pain was eclipsed by panic as Wolfwood felt himself being pulled downwards.

No, no, no, shit, can I grab a knife? Will I be able to reach it in my pocket?!

One hand tried and failed to get the contents of his pockets while the other scrambled for purchase in the sand. Tiny, slender hands gripped that hand tightly. Wolfwood found himself stuck being pulled in opposite directions by two different forces. “Let go!” yelled Vash.

Wolfwood was tempted to start yelling, to ask what the hell Vash was talking about, to tell him to get the hell back. But he wouldn’t be able to open his mouth without getting sand in it. He could barely keep his eyes open. Vash was clinging to him with a desperate look on his face. Get out of here, get out, it’ll just drag us both down - !

“I SAID…”

Vash’s blue eyes flared in the light of the sun. Lights began to creep along his cheekbones as his expression turned from desperate to furious.

“…LET GO!”

Vash’s voice didn’t sound right. There was a secondary layer to it, like the humming of electric wires. It froze Wolfwood in place, his eyes locking onto Vash’s, onto the glowing marks on his face. This wasn’t the scared ten-year-old he’d held on that ship. This was…

Next thing Wolfwood knew, he was being dragged out and onto stable sand. He hadn’t realized that the worm had let go until he was lying on his stomach, bare foot being scorched by the sun. He tried to stand the second he realized, but fell back down immediately. “Fuck!” he yelped.

A new figure ran over and started dragging Wolfwood away. Vash’s markings were starting to dim, but still stood out against skin that had suddenly gotten very pale. Wolfwood wasn’t sure why, until he looked down and saw the utter mess that was his ankle. Lots of blood. Something that was either exposed bone or tendon. And it hurt. It was really up there in terms of non-Eye-induced pain that he’d experienced. Wolfwood’s hand instinctively went back to his pockets, reaching for a vial that…

Wasn’t there.

It wasn’t there. His pocket was just full of sand. He’d lost the only fucking vial he had left.

Shit, shit, shit…

“Aid kit,” barked a voice, jarring Wolfwood from his panic. “We’re not far from the ship. I can get him patched up enough to move him.”

As if this situation couldn’t get any worse. “I’m fine,” Wolfwood said, despite immediately knowing how ridiculous that sentence was. His body moved on instinct, trying to stand again as his hands kept desperately digging through his pockets for something that wasn’t there. “I’m really…”

Pain made his vision go white.

He came back to with Vash’s hand on his forehead and the feeling of someone tying off a bandage around his ankle. Wolfwood’s gaze shot around. There was a blood trail leading to where they’d propped him up. Vash looked terrified. There was a shoe shoved in his waistband. “Oh, hey,” Wolfwood mumbled, “you got my shoe.”

Vash smiled, bright and relieved. “Of course I did,” he said. “Don’t try to stand again. It’s really bad.”

“’s not that…” Okay, yeah, he couldn’t finish that sentence. He wouldn’t convince anyone it wasn’t that bad. “Just some pain.”

“Some?! I could see your bones!”

“It wasn’t his bones.” The new figure stood up. It took Wolfwood a second, but he realized he knew the guy. It was Brad, a much younger and less gray Brad. “But you need a real doctor. You won’t bleed to death before we get to the ship, but you won’t get far like this.”

He seemed awful fine with bringing a stranger on their fancy ship. Had Vash said something while Wolfwood was unconscious? He’d have to figure out what lie the kid had told so they could keep their stories straight. Unless Vash had told the truth, but Wolfwood was pretty sure even Vash wasn’t that dumb.

Wolfwood’s bandage was already starting to turn red. Brad was right; he wasn’t going anywhere in this state. He took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said. “Okay, help me up.”

He was mentally cursing himself, his rotten luck, and Vash-of-the-future as they helped him to his feet and onto Brad the Thomas, a barrage of curses that was only occasionally interrupted by another burst of pain. The entire ride to the ship passed in a blur of cursing, pain, and the occasional odd detail about his surroundings. He was riding double with Vash, who had definitely grown an inch. His clothes had more patches but he still had both arms. His markings had faded, but…what had he done back there? Was that a Plant thing? Was that the reason Zazie always seemed to know when Knives (and by extension Bluesummers) was in a mood before anyone else did?

I really don’t know anything about him. That should’ve scared the shit out of him (still kind of did, really), but…

Vash was only steering the thomas with one hand. His other hand kept an anxious grip on Wolfwood’s sleeve. Wolfwood had felt that grip before dozens of times from dozens of other kids. Vash could be so normal, and yet…

Wolfwood’s hands still felt like they were vibrating.

The contrast was a lot. He tried not to think about it too hard. Fortunately, his ankle bounced off the thomas’s side again, and he actually let his mental cussing slip past his lips. “Sorry,” Vash said. “We’re almost there. Promise.”

The ship was so damn big. It had been partially obscured by sand in the future, so he hadn’t gotten a chance to really appreciate the size. It hovered there, half-shrouded in the remnants of a dust storm, looking for all the world like a metal grand worm that had somehow learned how to fly. The sole survivor of Millions Knives’ attempt at judgement.

Noah and the Ark. A story he hadn’t thought about in years. That thing being up in the air was somehow just as unthinkable as an entire planet covered in water, but there it was.

They made their way inside using some kind of elevator. There were a lot of baffled shouts when people saw his ankle. Next thing he knew, he was being whisked away to get patched up. It was only then that the reality of “seeing a doctor” properly sank in.

It didn’t help that the space was just familiar in all the ways that made his skin crawl. Plain white walls and lighting that was probably supposed to be soothing, but didn’t do a damn thing to make him feel any calmer. The familiarity combined with the blood loss to create a visual static that made everything feel hazy.

“…it looks worse than it is. We’ll be able to patch it up easily.” He didn’t know this one. Male, dark almond eyes, on the short side, not that it mattered. Maybe if it had just been them, Wolfwood could take him, but it was never just them. There would be guards somewhere. “Are you all right?”

Wolfwood huffed in quiet disbelief. Why did they even bother asking? No, he wasn’t all right, and he’d really prefer it if they didn’t act like they cared. Don’t try to soothe your conscience by –

“Nico?” said another voice. That small, small voice sounded familiar and unfamiliar all at once. He knew it. He’d been called that before. He just couldn’t place who was speaking.

Who’d they take? They said they weren’t going to take anyone else. They promised, they put it in writing, what was I thinking, stupid, stupid, all that and for what…

“Nico.”

Someone squeezed his hand tightly. Wolfwood’s vision cleared. Vash was staring at him intently. Worried. Afraid…of him? No, for him? The pieces slotted back into place. Embarrassment quickly followed.

Get it together. “Sorry.” Wolfwood breathed deeply. “Sorry. Hurts like a…hurts bad.”

The doctor tilted his head slightly. His eyes were sharp and perceptive in a way that made his jaw clench. “I can stitch his up with just local anesthetic,” he said. “Will that work for you?”

The relief that he wouldn’t be put under outweighed his embarrassment at being read so easily. “Yeah. Sounds great.”

Losing all feeling from mid-shin down was freaky in his own way, but better than the alternative. Wolfwood even calmed down enough to watch the wound being stitched back up. Vash (who’d insisted on staying and wouldn’t let go of Wolfwood’s hand) glanced down a few times, but turned green each time. “It’s not gonna look any less ugly, you know,” Wolfwood said.

“I know…” Vash’s eyes started sliding back down, but darted back to Wolfwood’s face. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I promise I’m fine.” There wasn’t as good way to say he’d had worse, so Wolfwood just turned his attention back to his ankle. Despite what he’d said, it did look a lot better. Walking was going to be a problem, though.

This entire situation is a problem. On Ship Three, seen by…everyone, so far, no sign of an exit. What are you thinking, Vash? What could you possibly need me here for? The thought that there might be something worse coming than the worm made him feel more exhausted than the blood loss had.

I am kicking whatever’s left of your ass when I get back.

If he got back.

The doctor finished stitching everything up, bandaged everything, gave him a shot of something that he reassured him was antibiotics, and rattled off a bunch of instructions that Wolfwood barely registered. Vash paid attention like he was going to be quizzed on it later; Wolfwood figured that whatever it was the doctor wanted him to do, Vash would force him into it. He sure was keen on trying to help Wolfwood with his crutches. “This isn’t my first rodeo,” Wolfwood said as he stood. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah, I broke my foot when I was ten. Dropped a bedframe on it.”

“How did you drop a bedframe on your foot?!”

“Long story.” He took a few steps around the room, trying to get into the rhythm of it. “So…now what?”

“We should probably find Brad and Luida,” Vash said. “They’ll know what to do.”

Funny; Wolfwood hadn’t even noticed Brad had wandered off. Guess he had better things to do than see how things ended here. “No one’s gonna care that I’m here?”

“Not if you stay with me.” Vash grabbed Wolfwood’s shoe and started confidently walking out of the medical area. Once they were out of earshot, he added in a quiet whisper, “I told Brad you were part of the Ship Five skeleton crew and I knew you back then.”

“Good thinking.” They probably wouldn’t have any way of figuring out it was a lie; they didn’t even have an accurate death count, far as he knew. “Did you have security on there? Pretty sure they’d buy it if we said I worked security.”

“I think so. We have it on here.”

“Okay, so I was with security on Ship Five.” Wolfwood was confident enough in his balance to poke at Vash’s ankles with one crutch. “Keeping you out of trouble back in the day.”

Vash danced out of the way and grinned. “What trouble? I’m always on my best behavior.”

“Liar.” Wolfwood rolled his eyes but smiled, despite himself.

There weren’t a lot of differences between the Ship Three of the past and the Ship Three of the future. The biggest change was in how much newer everything looked now. There wasn’t as much sand and dust around, people’s uniforms weren’t so patched together. Wolfwood got a lot of double-takes again, but none of them had the same look of fear in this time. Probably because this time he was visibly injured and not carrying around a giant weapon.

A few people pointed them in the direction of the Geoplant, so that was where they went. Wolfwood hadn’t really been able to appreciate the place last time, not with Zazie doing…whatever the hell that had been. Now that he was able to take it all in…

Awe was his first emotion. The next one was a bit harder to name. It wasn’t quite anger, resentment, or frustration, though it had layers of all three. All three because when he looked at this place, he saw food. Enough food to give the supplies back home a boost. Nutrients for growing bodies that were already struggling to stay caught up. Maybe even enough to make something sweet for their shared birthdays. Things that could help, if they weren’t locked up on a ship floating out in the Sand Sea.

But those feelings were tempered by understanding. Ship Three probably couldn’t afford to share. If they advertised what they had, people would try to take it by force. They had kids, too; he could see a baby in a chest sling strapped to a woman tending some of the flora. He couldn’t blame them for prioritizing their own people. He just wished…

Life’s not fair, Nicholas. Get over it.

He was distracted from his thoughts by seeing the back of Brad’s head. He was talking to a brunette woman that he just barely recognized as Luida. It was weird, seeing her younger. She didn’t look much older than him, actually. Vash suddenly stopped at the sight of the two of them. “It’s not going to be weird, is it?” he asked. “Because of…”

Because they kept you locked up in a cell for weeks and I’m still a little pissed about that?

Honestly, if Wolfwood knew he had an exit strategy in place, he probably would’ve considered lighting a fire under their ass about that. But he was starting to think he was stuck here for longer that he’d like, and if that was the case, he could not afford to start shit. So he put those feelings in a box, locked it, and chucked it to the back of his mind. “I’ll behave,” he said. “Promise.”

Vash examined his face carefully, then nodded. “They really are nice,” he said reassuringly. “You’ll see.” And with that, he started jogging to the others. “Luida!”

Luida looked up at him and smiled. “Hey, you!” She scooped up Vash in a hug when he reached her. Wolfwood wasn’t sure how he felt about that. “What’s this I heard about a worm?”

“It tried to steal his shoe,” Vash said, pointing at Wolfwood as he did. “Luida, this is Nicholas.”

“From Ship Five,” Luida said as she stepped forward to shake his hand. “Brad told me. Thank you for your help.”

“Yeah, no problem.” Wolfwood hoped he didn’t sound too hostile as he shook her hand. She had more callouses than he was expecting. Then again, if the dirt stains on her knees were anything to go by, she was finding ways to keep busy. “Hope me being here isn’t going to cause any problems.”

“No, not at all!” Luida said immediately. “Any friend of Vash’s is a friend of ours.” Neither of those statements sounded like she was just being polite, either. “We’ll see about getting you set up someplace…I can check the room assignments on our way to the mess hall. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving.”

Vash nodded eagerly. Wolfwood was a little surprised by how quickly his own mouth started watering. Now that all the pain and dread was gone, he was starving, too.

There wouldn’t be a private room for him that night, but there was a space with two Plant engineers from the outside that could fit one more. Wolfwood wasn’t surprised by this outcome; they’d walked past a few converted rooms on their way to dinner, and all of them seemed to have three people minimum. Long as whoever I’m sharing with doesn’t have sticky fingers. That’d end badly for them, and he didn’t want the trouble of starting a fight.

The mess was more crowded than he’d expected. It put him on edge. Wolfwood kept scanning the crowds and mumbled a whatever, doesn’t matter when Vash asked him what he wanted. He didn’t realize how paranoid-bordering-on-crazy he must have looked until they’d all sat down and started eating. “No one’s going to try and steal that,” Luida said gently. “It’s not like that here.”

He'd hunched over his tray without realizing. Wolfwood hadn’t been that protective of his food since his training days with the Eye. Get it together, Wolfwood. He forced himself to sit up and eat like Miss Melanie was watching. Mind your manners.

Small talk. That was a thing adults did at meals, right? “Didn’t think you guys would be eating worm on here,” he noted. Wolfwood flinched immediately at his comment. Was that rude? “Not that I’m complaining…”

“It takes strain off the food producing Plants,” Vash explained. “We’ve been trying to show other people how. Not everyone likes it, though.”

Wolfwood raised an eyebrow. “They still wanna act like beggars can be choosers in all this crap?”

Brad snorted. Was that a smile? Had he just laughed? It happened so quick that Wolfwood wasn’t sure. Even Vash looked a little surprised. Luida shook her head in amusement. “I can already tell you two are going to get along,” she said.

Yeah, I don’t think so. But Wolfwood tried to remember that a little rapport could keep him from getting his head blown off. Best to lean into it. “Well, they’ll learn one way or another,” he said. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Vash trying to sneak a roll onto Wolfwood’s plate. He’d put a good dent in his dinner, so he was probably just being nice. Wolfwood put it back without looking anyway. We’ve shared enough. Eat, you little punk.

Vash got the message. He only pouted a little as he started taking bites out of the roll. You better not have sent me into this mess just to bully you into eating.

Wolfwood wasn’t sure what to say after that, especially now that the subject of the outside world had come up. They seemed uncomfortable discussing it. Maybe they were aware of how much they had compared to others. Wolfwood tried to focus on chewing slowly, on looking less like a feral dog they’d let into the house for some reason. People chatted all around them. A baby started fussing at the next table over. “Oh, no, Evie, shh…” The woman holding the baby started gently patting her back. “It’s okay, honey.”

Vash leaned over with a big smile and made a face. The baby kept keening and drooling. The poor mom looked at her wit’s end. Don’t say anything, Wolfwood told himself. Not your business. Don’t.

The baby, Evie, locked eyes with him. Wolfwood had taken off his sunglasses to be polite, but he was starting to regret it. Her fussing quieted; on reflex, Wolfwood smiled. “Uh muh,” Evie grumbled.

“Yeah, that right?” Evie stuffed her fist in their mouth. “Teething?” he guessed.

The mother nodded. “She just started recently,” she said apologetically. “We’re just trying to get through it, aren’t we, sweetie?”

Evie whined again. Wolfwood had a sudden flashback to tiny, nubby gums working at his fingers. The same hand that now only seemed good for hauling around a weapon. He wasn’t fit to be anywhere near something that small, that innocent.

And yet…

“If you get a wet cloth and stick it in the fridge for a bit for her to chew on, that helps,” he said. Wolfwood felt his face get hot, and he jerked his gaze back down to his meal. “Sorry. Not trying to tell you how to do your job.”

“No, no, that’s really helpful,” said the mom. “Thank you.”

She really did sound grateful, so Wolfwood guessed he didn’t botch that too badly. But he could still feel Evie’s eyes on him as he finished eating. Luida’s, too. She had a worried look the one time he glanced her way, but she didn’t ask any questions.

Wolfwood looked old enough to have kids, he knew. People had assumed he was a father before. He wondered if she was thinking the same—or wondering if he had been a father.

He didn’t bother trying to explain himself. He could think whatever she wanted. It wouldn’t even be that far off. He couldn’t deny that he’d lost family.

Vash shifted uncomfortably next to him. Before Wolfwood could try to get his casual mask back on in response…

“Do you know how to play the piano?”

It was definitely an attempt to change topics, but one Wolfwood wasn’t expecting to hear. “…no?” The closest he’d come to an instrument was the one harmonica that floated between kids and was solely used for being loud. “Why?”

Vash was asking because there was a piano on board. Fortunately, he was able to take Wolfwood to it alone, so they could talk in peace. “Seriously,” Wolfwood said, “how are things?”

“I told you, everyone is really nice,” Vash said. “It’s been good.”

“Are you sure? No one’s giving you any trouble? Has anyone else apologized?” Vash didn’t reply, but his playing started to slow. “This whole ship put you through a lot. I just want to…”

“I told you, it’s fine.” Wolfwood was taken aback by how forcefully he said it. The fierceness in his eyes pinned Wolfwood in place for a moment. “They’re better. They’ve really tried to be better…they can be.”

A slight tinge of pink spread across Vash’s cheeks—anger? Embarrassment? Hard to tell. Wolfwood didn’t have time to pick the expression; Vash deflated pretty quickly and went back to staring at the keys, his eyes all quiet and sad. “Can we not talk about it, please?”

“…yeah. Okay.” Wolfwood cleared his throat. He had a flashback to the run-in with the grand worm, the fierce look on Vash’s face when he said he was going back for the others, the way he’d pushed Wolfwood back without looking. That exchange felt like a shadow of things to come. Where did that come from? “Sorry. Just worried, is all.”

Vash nodded. “I know. I appreciate that, I just…”

He stopped playing entirely. Whatever thought he’d had went unsaid; instead, he leaned against Wolfwood slightly, just for a second. “Thank you for rescuing me,” he said. “I’m glad you’re back.”

Wolfwood tried to smile as he nudged back Vash. “You’re welcome. But you’ve gotta promise me that one day we’ll meet when you’re not in trouble.” He was addressing that to the Vash of the future more than the one he was talking to. “Seriously. People are gonna think you constantly need me to save you.”

The comment earned Wolfwood a laugh. Vash started playing again, switching from strings of one note after another to a real tune. It took Wolfwood a second to recognize it, but…

Once there was a way to get back home.

“Hey, you remembered,” he said.

Vash nodded. “I don’t know if this is right,” he admitted. “I keep meaning to see if we have the song anywhere in the media archives, but I’ve been really busy.”

“It sounds good to me.” And for all he knew, Vash’s added tune was right. He’d only ever heard it sung, not with accompanying music. Wolfwood watched Vash’s hands move across the keys. Wondered if he still played in the future. Remembered the desperate notes played somewhere in July and wondered if Millions Knives was thinking of his brother.

Wondered where Millions Knives was now.

Boy, you’re gonna carry that weight…

“Carry that weight a long time,” Wolfwood sang quietly.

He hadn’t meant to, but Vash didn’t know that. He looked up at Wolfwood, grinned, and started singing too. “Boy, you’re gonna carry that weight, carry that weight a long time…”

And Wolfwood had to smile. Because even though he had better pitch than a lot of the kids his age, there was still that bit of puberty vocal fry. It was bizarre seeing Vash the Stampede as just a normal kid.

Bizarre and strangely comforting, because Wolfwood knew this sound. It was something he hadn’t heard in a long time, but he knew it. And he couldn’t help being caught up in the moment.

I never gave you my pillow, I only sent you my invitation…

But that sprout of guilt kept gnawing at him.

And in the middle of the celebrations, I break down.

His weight to bear, even when everything else was going right.

.

“Nico?”

They were walking—or, in Wolfwood’s case, hobbling—back to where Wolfwood would be staying for the night. Vash had a distant look on his face, sad, hesitant. There were a lot of things a look like that could lead to, and Wolfwood wasn’t sure he liked any of them. “Yeah? What’s up?”

Vash’s gaze re-focused as he looked back up at Wolfwood. His intense blue eyes scanned his face carefully. Whatever they saw there, it made Vash shake his head. “Nothing. Never mind.” He gave Wolfwood a one-armed hug. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Yeah. Goodnight.”

Wolfwood probably could’ve stopped the kid—maybe he should have—but he was too grateful that thought had gone unspoken. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

Someone had set up an extra bed in the room, complete with a set of pajamas at the foot of the bed—other people’s hand me downs, if he had to guess. The two Plant engineers he’d be staying with were out, so he took the opportunity to use the bathroom uninterrupted. Wipe down bath, change into the pajamas for the hell of it, check the ankle. The bandages were still holding; it hurt, but it also could’ve been a lot worse. His dirty clothes went into the extremely small but working machine in the corner. Wolfwood took the opportunity to triple-check the contents of his pockets. Knife. Cigarettes, sixteen left in the box. Lighter. Two lollipops. Exactly two .22 bullets that he’d picked up because Vash of the Future was constantly forgetting to get ammo, the punk. The crumpled-up invoice he’d tried to give Meryl back when they’d first met.

No vials.

He cursed again and rubbed his eyes. He wouldn’t make it far on crutches, and walking on the injured foot without any kind of support was asking for all kinds of complications. He wasn’t suicidal, and even if he was, he’d take a faster way out than death by blood poisoning or heat exhaustion. Should I try to steal a thomas?

Should I even leave at all?

His immediate answer was yes, but if he thought about it for longer than one second…the thought of Vash waking up to find that Wolfwood had left without saying anything stopped him. Picturing the way the look of betrayal would turn into one of acceptance made his blood chill. He couldn’t even convince himself that it would be for the kid’s own good. He knew it wouldn’t.

At least you got to say goodbye to the others. You can’t do this to him again.

Wolfwood sighed. Unsatisfactory bitch of a situation, that’s what this was. He distracted himself by removing the cigarettes from the box, flattening it out, and hiding it in the pillowcase. Everything else went into a makeshift towel bundle that he held to his chest as he lay down. He was pretty sure he could pass off the cigarettes as having been handmade if he played his cards right, but the box was too civilized. And there was no way he was going to give up his one vice if he had to stay on here.

First thing tomorrow, I’ll ask where I can smoke. They’d probably give him grief for it, but he was past caring.

Wolfwood stared at the ceiling. He picked at his cuticles. He could swear he felt dried blood caked into them.

Find some way to leave and break Vash’s heart. Stay and make him believe in the future that Wolfwood was someone trustworthy. Abandon the kids. Kill and keep killing in the name of monsters.

He wished he didn’t live a life where all his options felt like bad ones.

It was a long time before he was able to fall asleep.

.

He was back in Hopeland, trying to corral the Thomas chicks, when he heard sniffling.

His first thought was that someone had upset Livio, that he was going to have to choose between bothering Miss Melanie about it or handling it himself and risking getting in trouble. But the sound was coming from upwards among the branches of the tree in the courtyard, and Livio didn’t really climb much. When he looked up, he could make out a flash of white clothes and blond hair against the dark green of the leaves.

“You gonna stay up there and cry,” Nico called, “or do you wanna come down here and help me?”

Vash stared down at him with big eyes, ears still slipping down his face. After some hesitation, he climbed down. It was a little unnerving how quickly he moved, but Nico didn’t say anything about it. Vash would probably just climb right back up if he did. “Thanks,” he said instead, before darting to grab a chick that was trying to wander off. “Get back here you little bastard…!”

The extra set of hands made getting the chicks back in their pen a lot easier. It helped that they liked Vash more. Two climbed onto his lap to eat right out of his hands as Nico scattered feed for the rest. “What’s going on?” Nico asked.

“Nothing. I’m…”

Nico flicked a feed pellet at him before he could finish the sentence. “C’mon, you wouldn’t have come all the way out here if something were fine. I’m not stupid.”

Of course, Vash pouted. But after Nico stood there a bit longer, tossing the last of the feed around, he relented.

“Promise not to tell anyone?”

Nico sat next to him and held out a pinkie. “Promise.”

Vash hesitated before linking his pinkie with Nico’s. Even with though it was just them outside, he leaned over and whispered the confession.

“I miss Nai.”

The three words sent a jolt through him. Vash must’ve seen the look on Wolfwood’s face, because he rushed out, “I mean…I miss the Nai I knew. Before everything went wrong. I wish that Nai would come back. Does that make sense?”

The worst part does, it did. As much as hearing that name sent chills down his spine, he understood. “Yeah,” Wolfwood said. He pushed down his revulsion and turned to face Vash. “I’m sorry. Real shitty of him to run off like that.”

Vash nodded. He almost looked guilty, but covered it up by leaning against Nico’s shoulder. “You’re here though, right?” he asked quietly.

“’Course I am.” Nico wrapped an arm around Vash’s shoulders and pulled him closer. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

He gently rubbed Vash’s shoulders as he surveyed the scene. There must’ve been something going on inside for it to be so quiet. Usually, the courtyard was swarming with kids. Couldn’t go anywhere without tripping over someone’s kickball game.

Thinking about those games set off a tickle in his brain. Wolfwood straightened up and frowned. “Hey, has that tree always been he-“

Something snapped off, crashing to the ground nearby.

Wolfwood woke up with a start, his heart racing, his hand already flying towards his pocket knife. “Sorry!” said one of the Plant engineers. “I am so sorry, I didn’t mean…”

It was equipment. It was just some weird, random equipment that he’d dropped. Everything was fine. Wolfwood wasn’t in danger. That didn’t stop his heart from trying to crash out of his ribcage. He took a few breaths before mumbling out an, “’s fine. Fine.” Inhale. Exhale. Do not freak out. You’re trying to be a model guest here, remember? “Hey, you can make it up to me by telling me if there’s anywhere to smoke around here.”

There was, as it turned out: some kind of system of catwalks around the ship that they used to fix things on the exterior. You could really only go out there if the ship had stopped, apparently, but it had, and he was the only one out there. He settled down with his injured food stretched out and lit the first cigarette. He’d started a third by the time Vash found him.

“I haven’t crashed your hideout, have I?” Wolfwood asked.

Vash shook his head as he settled down next to Wolfwood. “The engineers told me where you were,” he said. “Is your foot okay?”

“Little itchy, but I’ll live.” Wolfwood exhaled a cloud of smoke. The conversation reminded him of the dream he’d had. He could still feel the details of it dancing around in his head. The tree in the courtyard, where there’d never been a tree before. The weight of Vash leaning against him. He almost asked Vash about it, but he was suddenly afraid to know the answer. He focused on his cigarette instead, watching the smoke drift off towards the rising sun.

Vash leaning against him jarred him out of that focus. He didn’t say anything, just rested there. Wolfwood wrapped an arm around his shoulders on instinct. It didn’t feel as right as it had in the dream, not when Wolfwood had left that smaller, more innocent body behind. But it seemed to give Vash the same comfort.

They watched the sun rise long after Wolfwood had finished that last cigarette.

.

Vash dragged Wolfwood to see his room after breakfast. There was more color than he remembered, mostly from the several strings of paper birds in one corner. There were also a few clear containers full of paper stars scattered around the space. “A friend of mine showed me how to do that,” Vash explained. “Oh, that reminds me…here!”

Wolfwood almost missed Vash was holding something out to him. His gaze had been drawn to the handful of books on one shelf. One title stuck out: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. Had that been there last time? “Huh?” Wolfwood said. He pulled his gaze away from the book and to Vash. The kid was holding out a little jar, like what you’d keep medication in, but with a single red paper star inside instead.

“It’s for you,” Vash explained, “for luck.”

Wolfwood’s mind flashed back to crayon scribbles, crudely painted rocks, the rotating roster of artwork in Miss Melanie’s office. He pushed down his guilt and did what you were supposed to do: took it and smiled. “Thanks, Vash.” He glanced down at his ankle and grimaced. “I need all the luck I can get lately.”

“Oh, do you need to sit down?” Vash darted over to pull out the room’s sole chair closer to the bed. Wolfwood sat down and propped his foot up on the bed with a grimace. “Does it itch still?”

“On and off. Itching’s good, though. Means it’s healing.” He’d always kind of doubted that until he started taking the serum. His wounds itched like crazy when they were sealing up. “Not a bad setup in here.”

“Yeah, it’s nice,” Vash agreed. He sat cross-legged on the bed and looked around the room. “Sometimes I wish we could do something else with the walls, but we don’t really have paint.”

“What would you paint if you could?”

“Geraniums,” Vash said without hesitation. “Red ones. They’re a kind of flower. They were…”

He glanced over his shoulder at the pictures on the wall. That photo he’d kept so close to him before was in the center: Vash, Millions Knives, and the mystery woman. “They were Rem’s favorite,” he said quietly. “She said the red ones symbolized determination.”

Well, for better or worse, Vash had that in spades. “That sounds nice,” Wolfwood said. He thought about the few impromptu murals around Hopeland. They’d always brightened up the place. Miss Melanie might have scolded them for drawing on the walls, but she also never painted over them. Those pictures were a timeline. The history of everyone who’d ever been there.

Vash should get to leave a better mark than those tallies, Wolfwood thought.

As if on cue, someone knocked on the door. “Vash?” called Luida.

“Yeah, come in!” Vash called. Wolfwood gritted his teeth, but tried to force his face into a casual expression as Luida stepped inside. Luida stepped inside, her hands behind the back. She gave Wolfwood a smile and a nod before turning her attention back to Vash. “What’s up?” Vash asked, trying to look behind her back curiously.

Luida grinned and pulled the item out from behind her back. “Ta-dah!”

The jolt Wolfwood got to his system nearly knocked the blank expression off his face. He knew that coat. Everyone in No Man’s Land did. Bright red, that big hood he’d only seen Vash wear once, long and flowing. The coat.

“This is for you, Vash!” Luida said, beaming. “From everyone on Ship Three.”

Vash’s face lit up. “Really?!” He scrambled to the end of the bed to take the coat. “It’s brand new! Clothes are so hard to get…” He looked enchanted as he examined the coat. “What a pretty shade of red.”

“Is it too much?”

Vash shook his head. “No, I like red.” From the wistful look in his eyes, he wasn’t just thinking of the color. Vash hugged the coat close to his chest. “Thank you, Luida.”

“You’re welcome.” They exchanged a quick hug. “Brad called me for something. I just wanted to drop this off before I talked to him. Everything all right with you, Nicholas?”

“Good as they can be.” He adjusted his ankle, and hoped any strained expression on his part could be attributed to the pain. “Enjoying the shade.”

Luida, fortunately, accepted the answer. With the promise to see them at lunch, a quick tousle of Vash’s hair, she was gone. Vash hugged the coat tightly, his face pressed against the fabric Wolfwood knew immediately how he felt. New clothes were rare at the orphanage, too. He’d only experienced that never-been-worn fabric smell one time. Everything else had been hand-me downs. Not that he was ungrateful, but something that was only yours was always special. “Well?” Wolfwood said. “C’mon, let’s see it.”

He thought Vash putting it on would give him another burst of déjà vu, but it didn’t. The jacket was just too damn big. The sleeves hung over Vash’s hands and the body nearly hung to his feet. The effect was a little kid playing at being a legendary outlaw. Vash held up one sleeve-covered hand and frowned slightly. “It’s a bit too big,” he noted.

Wolfwood bit back a laugh. “Well, you’ll grow into it.” He couldn’t help himself; he had to flip the hood up and over Vash’s eyes. “You got a sewing kit or something?”

Vash was grinning when he pushed the hood back enough that he could see. “I can get one, I think. Why?”

“I can probably tack the sleeves up.” That wouldn’t solve all the jacket’s size problems, but at least he’d be able to hold things properly. “You can let them back out as you get bigger. That might not take too long with how much you’ve been growing.”

Vash’s face lit up more. “You’d do that?”

“If you can get me the supplies…” Wolfwood was cut off by a hug. “Hey, it’s just a few stitches.”

“I know, but…thank you.” Vash was practically bouncing with excitement was he pulled away. “I’ll go get that. Do you need anything for your leg while I’m out?”

“Think you can get me a new one?”

Vash laughed as he flipped the hood off. “I’ll see what we’ve got.”

His overly-long sleeves flopped at his sides as he jogged out of the room. Wolfwood couldn’t help smiling at the sight as he settled back down.

Guilt soon chased the smile away.

You can’t keep letting your guard down. But it was so easy to do when Vash was like this. Wolfwood couldn’t him seeing him as one of the kids. Even as Vash got older, all Wolfwood could think about was tiny hands grasping his, the way they started moving out from behind his legs as they grew bigger and braver, the way Livio’s tears finally turned into smiles as big as the sky…

Wolfwood winced. “Shit,” he muttered. He desperately rubbed his eyes and tried to breathe through the stab of pain in his chest. “Get it together, come on.”

In. Out. In. Out. A new twinge of pain jarred him back to the present. He’d started rubbing at the Meryl bruise without thinking. It looked worse than it had in July. Uglier.

Fitting, for a guy like him.

Wolfwood was still staring at it when the door opened. He forced his face into a smile when he heard running feet and started concocting an excuse about how he was definitely fine.

He didn’t need it. Vash wasn’t running to him in concern. He wasn’t looking at Wolfwood at all. He was pulling off the coat and folding it with shaking hands. His face was ashen pale, his eyes unfocused and damp. “…Vash?” Wolfwood said carefully. “What happened?”

“…gotta go…’ Vash put the coat at the end of the bed carefully. “I’ve got…I’ve gotta go…”

“Go where? What happened?”

“They…” Tremors had spread from Vash’s hands to his entire skinny body. Whatever he wanted to say was trapped by the gasping sob that erupted from him instead. He sounded like the littles who were so upset that they forgot how to breathe.

“Okay. Okay, sit down.” Wolfwood stood up and tried to guide Vash to the floor. Vash resisted, shaking his head, trying to back out of reach. “Kid, you’ve got to calm down before you pass out.”

“I’m s-sorry, I’m…” Vash’s chest heaved. He was hyperventilating now. Not good. “I-I…”

Wolfwood’s hand flew to his pocket. The lollipop Vash had rejected all those years ago was still there. “Here...” Wolfwood unwrapped it. “Open your mouth.”

“Wh-wh…?”

“Trust me, okay. It’ll help.” I hope.

Vash did, allowing Wolfwood to stick the candy in there. “Just focus on that,” he said gently. “Don’t worry about anything else for a second.”

To his relief, Vash did. Tears still fell down his cheeks, but soon his chest wasn’t heaving so hard, and his shaking was a bit more manageable. Wolfwood didn’t know why that worked, only that it did, and he was glad he’d remembered. He pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around Vash’s shoulders. “You’re safe now,” he said. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Vash ducked his head. The lollipop creaked slightly as his teeth worried away at it. “…I went to find Brad to show him the coat,” he whispered, “but when I got to his office, he and Luida were listening to something…th-they got the black box from Ship Five to work.” Vash shut his eyes tightly. “They know. They know about Nai. They know about what I did.”

Wolfwood’s blood ran cold.

It ran colder at the sound of someone knocking on the door. “Vash?” called Luida.

Shit. Wolfwood shoved Vash towards the bathroom. “Hide,” he mouthed. Out loud, he called. “He’s not here…hang on!”

He grabbed the crutch and started hobbling towards the door, making sure to make enough noise to cover Vash’s movements. Once the bathroom door was closed, he opened the bedroom door. Luida was there, her hands knotting anxiously in front of her. Behind her…

The feeling that sank into Wolfwood’s gut was one he hadn’t felt in a while. He may not have smelled alcohol or been forewarned by heavy footsteps, but he knew better than most what a look like that meant. Brad was furious. Furious in a way that made Wolfwood want to turn around and hide in the bathroom with Vash. Furious in a way that forced Wolfwood to stand his ground, because he was certain of one thing.

“Where is he?” Brad asked.

They’re gonna kill him.

And suddenly, Wolfwood felt very calm.

“I asked him if he could get me more painkillers,” he said. He was a picture of confused innocence. Lying came naturally in situations like this. “He hasn’t gotten back yet. Why, what’s going on?”

Brad sharply turned and started walking away. Luida hesitated. “If he comes back before we do, just keep him here, okay? We need to talk to him. It’s important.”

“Why?”

Luida ran after Brad. They started hissing to each other, but they were too far away for him to make it out what they were talking about. Didn’t matter. Wolfwood took a deep breath, closed the door, and walked to the bathroom. Vash was curled up in the shower, crying quietly.

“C’mon,” Wolfwood said. “Grab your stuff. We’re going.”

“…we?”

“Yes. Hurry. I don’t know how much time I bought us.” Wolfwood turned back to Vash’s room and started looking around. “Do you have a compass?”

“You’re not…going to ask what I did?”

Oh. Right. He’d forgotten how annoyingly self-blaming Vash could be. Wolfwood took a deep breath, remembered the scared ten-year-old who’d starved himself out of guilt, and turned around. Vash looked a lot like that kid again, bundled up the way he was in Wolfwood’s jacket, fresh tears in his eyes. “I already told you,” Wolfwood said, “I don’t think you’re a monster. Whatever they heard doesn’t change that.” Wolfwood rested his hands on Vash’s shoulders. “We can sort out what happened later. Right now, the only thing I care about is making sure you’re safe. Understand?”

Vash looked up at him with the uncomprehending stare of a kid who couldn’t quite believe that he was being looked after. He nodded slowly. “Okay,” he whispered.

“Atta boy.” Wolfwood ruffled Vash’s hair and forced a smile. “Your stuff?”

By the time they’d thrown together some supplies, Vash had stopped crying. There was still some panic in his eyes, but the rest could be wiped away with cold water, the weight of Wolfwood’s jacket, and encouragement to breathe deeply. “If anyone asks, we’re just going to get some air,” Wolfwood said. “You’re allowed to do that, right?”

“As long as you don’t go too far.” Vash clutched the bag to his chest. “Do you think anyone else knows?”

I hope not. “Guess we’ll find out.” Wolfwood was already bracing himself for the pain of a fight. He’d do it if he had to, but he wasn’t looking forward to it. Fortunately, they didn’t run into any trouble at first. They were either ignored or briefly greeted as if nothing were wrong. Wolfwood stayed on alert anyway. Now was not the time to let his guard down.

Thank God he didn’t. Just as they were getting close to an exit, Wolfwood heard a familiar voice. Luida. He immediately turned around, leading Vash behind a corner a bit further back. “What do we do?” Vash whispered.

Good question. Wolfwood glanced down at his ankle and grimaced. I’ll just slow him down like this. “We’re gonna have to split up,” he said. “I’ll distract them, you get out of here. Are there any landmarks nearby? Something easy to find?”

“Uhm…there’s a big rock north of here with an escape pod wreck next to it. But…”

“Good, meet me there. If I don’t show up by tomorrow morning, keep moving. I’ll find you.”

“But what if you get in trouble?”

“I always get in trouble. Always manage to find my way out of it, too. Worry about yourself, okay?”

Vash hesitated. “…do you promise you’ll find me?”

“Of course I promise. Gonna have to get this back from you, if nothing else. I just got this outfit cleaned, so don’t lose it.” Wolfwood adjusted his jacket and held out his pinkie to Vash. “And don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

Vash nodded and linked pinkies with him. “Okay.” For a second, Vash looked like he wanted to say something else. Instead, he let go and started walking away.

Good. No time to draw this out. Wolfwood straightened up, took a deep breath, and started speed-hobbling back in the direction of Luida’s voice. He caught her and Brad just as they rounded a corner.

Showtime.

“What the hell is going on?” Wolfwood demanded. It didn’t take a lot of effort to sound pissed. Frankly, he’d bash their hands together right now if that wouldn’t ruin the plan. “Vash never came back. I can’t find him anywhere.”

Luida froze. Wolfwood could see the lie trying to from behind her eyes. He kept pushing. “I was gonna try checking the Plant room, but this place is massive, and I got…” He looked around. No sign of Vash. Hopefully he was clear or close to it by now. “Do you think someone might’ve grabbed him? Is there anyone on here who knows what he can do?”

“That’s…” Luida glanced at Brad, whose eyes still screamed danger. “No, that’s not what we think happened.”

“Then what?! Hey…” Wolfwood grabbed Brad’s arm as the other man tried to step away. “Tell me, damn it! Where is he?!”

“We- “ Luida stepped between them and lowered her voice. “We’re worried he may have run away. Or may be trying to.”

“Why the hell would he do that?”

Luida and Brad exchanged another glance. For a second, Wolfwood was worried his cover was blown, but when they looked back at him…

“You should hear this,” Brad said.

It wasn’t what Wolfwood was expecting, but he decided not to look a gift thomas in the mouth. Going along with whatever was going on here gave Vash a chance to get away from the ship. Yes, Wolfwood would have to haul ass to catch up to him, but he could figure it out.

Besides, this could be a chance to get some answers. He needed to know what these two thought they knew and what the actual facts were. It could help with whatever bullshit Vash was dealing with mentally.

They led him deeper through the ship, eventually stopping in some kind of workroom. Once the door swished shut behind him, Brad picked up a tablet from the table and started tapping away at it. “I’ve been working on Ship Five’s black box since the crash,” he explained. “I finally managed to figure it out today. This was taken after the ships hit the planet.” He held the tablet out to Wolfwood. “Vash said there was another Independent, but that they were probably dead. He didn’t mention any of this.”

Wolfwood took the tablet carefully and pushed the big play button in the center. A recording started playing. He’d seen enough destruction in his life to know what it sounded like. Above the chorus of wind and flames, he could just barely hear a voice. A child’s voice, but at the same time…

“A brilliant success! I finally did it!”

…somehow not a child’s voice. It sounded like Vash, but wrong, like someone had merged Vash’s tones with the weird, feral fervors Bluesummers would get into sometimes. That was Millions Knives. It had to be.

The next voice to speak was definitely Vash’s, thick with fear and anger: “But you killed all of them, even Rem!”

“Don’t you scold me!” Knives’ voice grew mocking, even crueler than before. “You’re my accomplice. You’re the one who gave me the program access code. Isn’t that right, Vash?”

Wolfwood could just make out strangled whimpering, the sound of footsteps running away. Knives’ laughter followed Vash as he fled. Brad reached over to shut off the recording. “That was the last we heard from either of them,” he said. He started pacing, agitated. “I should’ve known he was lying to us.”

“Brad…” Luida’s hand hovered near her mouth, as if she were considering chewing her nails and only barely stopping herself. “We don’t…we don’t really know what happened…”

But she didn’t sound convinced of that. And Brad really sounded convinced that he knew exactly what had happened. Wolfwood stared down at the screen. Vash’s horrified tone echoed in his ears.

How did you not hear that?

“...you actually believe that shit?”

From the look on Brad and Luida’s faces, that was not the reaction they were expecting. “You don’t?” Brad said.

“It’s Vash. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. It’s a miracle he eats meat. If he gave his brother that access code, it wasn’t to kill people.”

“Why else would he have given it to him?”

“No clue. Were you gonna ask or…” Frustration bubbled up inside him, nearly choking him. “You know what? Forget it. I don’t know what else I expected.”

That sure got their attention. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Luida asked.

“It means you kept a kid handcuffed in a locked room and let him starve himself until he proved he was useful,” Wolfwood snapped. Luida stepped back, eyes wide. “Yeah, he told me about that. Don’t worry, he let me know you talked to him while he was wasting away. Didn’t do shit else, though.” She opened her mouth to reply, but Wolfwood wasn’t interested in her excuses. “Hey, serious question, does he get a trial this time, or are you just going to execute him right off the bat? Don’t want him to be a drain on resources, right? You gonna be the one holding the gun?”

“That’s enough,” Brad interjected.

Wolfwood laughed, if you could even call it a laugh. Even Brad’s sharp tone wasn’t enough to make him back down. “Don’t start with me. You’re worse than she is. Vash thinks you’re his friend, and here you are ready to end him over…what, ten seconds of audio? Mask came off real quick, huh?”

“He’s the one who betrayed us!”

“You isolated and tortured him, and all he’s done since is help!” Wolfwood yelled back. All he could think about were Vash’s scars. Years of blood and pain for a species that just kept hurting him. And it all started here. “If he wanted you dead, he could’ve sabotaged every Plant he ever helped, but he didn’t! He just keeps giving and giving and giving to people who can’t give him a damn thing back, but hey, that works out fine for you, doesn’t it?!”

Crunch.

Wolfwood glanced down at the sound. It was the tablet, or what was left of it. It’d bent under his death grip, the fractured screen digging into his fingers. They were bleeding, but he didn’t feel any pain. He didn’t even feel the prey animal fear he usually felt when he broke something.

He wasn’t a little kid anymore. He didn’t have to be afraid of them.

“You disgust me,” Wolfwood said finally. “You were supposed to be better than…”

Better than me. You were supposed to be the people who gave a shit, but you’re just the same as I am. He’s just a means to an end to you, too.

He didn’t say those parts, but they seemed to get the gist of it. At least Luida had the decency to look ashamed. Brad just looked blank, aside from his clenched fist. Try it, asshole. See how far you get. “I don’t want any part of this,” Wolfwood finished. “You want to hang him, do it yourselves.” He tossed what was left of the tablet on the table, grabbed his crutch, and walked out the door.

I have to get to him. Nothing else mattered. Wolfwood wasn’t sure where things would go from there, but he could not let these people hurt Vash again. Can I make it on foot, or should I just steal a Thomas?

“Hey!”

I’ll probably have to steal one. It’ll be easier to carry supplies that way…

“Hey!”

Ah shit. Brad. Wolfwood set his jaw and kept walking, but he was slowed down by the crutch. Brad caught up to him quickly. “Listen, you bastard,” Brad growled. A hand roughly grabbed Wolfwood’s shoulder.

Instinct kicked in.

And it really was instinct, because the logical part of Wolfwood knew this was a bad thing. He’d already caused enough trouble with that tirade back there, and he needed to keep his head on straight if he wanted to get off the ship. But that hand flipped a switch, made him think of stale alcohol and ceremonial garments, of two different sets of fists, and the part of him that was furious took over. Wolfwood threw every ounce of rage in him into his punch, and for a second, he felt good.

Then he realized at least five people had seen him knock Brad on his ass. One of them looked like security.

…shit.

Wolfwood dropped his crutch and ran.

Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch, idiot. Wolfwood allowed himself a few curses before he focused on remembering the way they’d gone. He’d tried to count the doorways and turns on his way there, but this ship was too damn big. He was tempted to risk jumping from the lowest window he could find, but that would just mean two broken legs, and that wasn’t going to help anyone.

Shouts followed him. They must’ve sounded the alarm. He was an outsider who’d just decked one of their people. In the outside world of No Man’s land, that was a shooting offense for some communities. Even if Ship Three was more civilized (and he was feeling less and less certain of that by the damn minute), he was looking at time in a jail cell. The longer he spent away from Vash, the more danger the kid was in. He could not afford to get caught.

But they knew the ship better than he did. Next thing Wolfwood knew, he’d taken a wrong turn, ended up at a dead end, and there were men with batons behind him. “Listen,” said one of them, “just calm down…”

Wolfwood turned to bull rush them.

Of course, it was when only when he’d committed to the attack that he noticed one of them had a gun.

Wolfwood braced himself mentally for the pain of a bullet. He was not expecting the feeling of little stabs through his shirt and into his chest. He was able to take a few more steps before he started slumping to the ground.

Did they steal my fucking bones -

Next thing he knew, he was lying on a cold floor. His body ached, but Wolfwood forced himself upright. He was in a small space between two doors, each with a small window. One looked out over the sands of No Man’s Land; the other looked into a near-identical space, with a distant window that looked into what might have been a hallway. It didn’t look like the cell they’d thrown Vash into: no scratches on the walls, nothing that even resembled furniture, no other doors that lead to a bathroom. Wolfwood experimentally pounded his fist against one of the windows. The glass felt thick; his strongest slams barely shook it.

“Hey,” Wolfwood called. He hit the window again. “Anyone there? Hello?”

There was no one on the other side, no signs of movement. They’d just thrown him in there and left him. Had they figured out that Vash wasn’t on the ship anymore? Were they going after him right now?

You abandoned him. You let him down again. God only knows what they’ll do to him and it will be your fault.

Wolfwood pounded his fists against the window and screamed himself hoarse.

No one heard him.

He didn’t even make a dent.

.

At some point, his brain shut down.

He’d reached that point more than once when he’d been in Conrad’s clutches. Trying to resist, to fight, to escape, took too much out of him. Everyone had a limit, and he eventually hit his. He ended up slumped in a corner, hands stinging and aching, trying to breathe his way through panic.

They can’t leave me in there forever, can they? He wasn’t sure how long it had been. The sun had gone down; Vash wouldn’t leave until the morning, assuming he left at all. Dumb bastard might try to stay and wait past the point that it was safe. Wolfwood’s fingers kept kneading into the bruise. The pain wasn’t enough to drag him back to the present.

I have to get out of here. But he was too stuck in the what-ifs of what they were going to do to Vash when they got him. Would Vash even try to argue in his own defense? They know what I’ve done, he’d said. He blamed himself the same way kids who came from families that spoke with their fists blamed themselves when they dropped things, when they made a mess, when they acted like kids…

The sound of a door opening made Wolfwood’s head snap up. It wasn’t his door, but it was the first noise he’d heard in a while. He made it to the window in time to see a figure entering the other empty room and putting something on the floor. “Hey!” Wolfwood pounded on the window. “Hey, I think I popped a st-“

The lie died in his throat as the figure straightened up. Even the realization that he’d given Brad a black eye didn’t make him feel good. All he could think of was how badly he wanted to make it a matching set. “Where’s Vash?” Wolfwood growled. Brad glanced at him, then started for the door. “You bastard, I’m talking to you! Where is he?!”

Brad went through the door and closed it behind him. Once that door was shut, Wolfwood’s door started opening. He backed away, hands clenched into fists, bracing himself. Nothing happened once the door opened; the only thing in the other space was a bundle of cloth with a piece of paper on top.

A bundle of cloth that Wolfwood knew, immediately.

He scrambled forward. It was his jacket. The paper on top had Nico written on it in careful, but still childlike handwriting. Wolfwood’s mouth went dry as he knelt down and picked up the paper with shaking hands.

What did you do, Vash?

He opened the note.

Nico:

I’m sorry I didn’t wait. Don’t be mad, but I’m going to find my brother. I shouldn’t have let him run away. I know you think I’m not a monster, but I have to fix this. It’s my responsibility, and I owe it to everyone after what happened.

Thanks for everything you’ve done for me. It really meant a lot. I don’t know if we’ll ever see each other again, but I hope we do. I hope you can get back to your family. Tell them all I said “hi” and that they should listen to you. You’re pretty smart most of the time.

Thank you.

-Vash

Damn it.

Damn it, damn it, he should’ve seen this coming. It was how they’d met. Of course he’d try to fix things with Knives himself. When Wolfwood glanced up, Brad was standing at the window. His expression had changed, and it wasn’t just the bruise. He looked…hollow, almost. “He turned his tracker back on,” Brad said. “We think he wanted us to pick up his thomas once he got wherever he’s going. Luida’s gone after him…”

“You’ve killed him,” Wolfwood said. Memories of July kept flashing through his mind. The harm he’d been too much of a coward to stop until it was too late. Vash’s limp body in a tank, Millions Knives’ grasping tendrils digging into his back. “You know that, right?”

Brad’s brow creased slightly. That expression switched to wariness, maybe fear, as Wolfwood got to his feet and stalked towards the door. “Let me out,” Wolfwood demanded.

“Luida’s gone after him…”

“You think I trust him with either of you after this? You think she’s going to be enough?” Wolfwood stopped just short of his face being pressed against the glass. It was probably just as thick, but he was tempted to start trying to break it again, just in case. “This is not a request. You’re gonna let me out, you’re gonna give me a thomas, I’m going to go get him if there’s anything left to get, and you people are never going to see him again, are we perfectly clear?”

Brad’s eyes met his. That hollow look was even stronger there. Did he feel regret? Was he even capable of that? Wolfwood shoved down his uncharitable thoughts and focused on glaring the other man down. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” Wolfwood said.

They stared each other down for what felt like an eternity. Brad was the first to break eye contact. “You assaulted a member of the crew,” he said dully. “I can talk to them about letting you out once Vash is – “

Wolfwood punched the glass as hard as he could. Brad just kept talking, but Wolfwood couldn’t hear him past his barrage of curses. He kept swearing at the other man’s back as he walked away, at Brad and Luida and this whole stupid, traitorous ship. Eventually at himself, both for his own part in Vash’s suffering, and for the sheer stupidity of trying to punch through the glass. Now his wrist and his ankle hurt. Fan-fucking-tastic.

He paced around the now bigger, but no more helpful space. He read the note over and over. He dug through his pockets. Of course, he’d given Vash the lighter and the pocket knife as part of their survival supplies, so he was left with two useless bullets and a handful of cigarettes. Nothing he could use to get out of there.

He picked at his cuticles and kept on pacing through the pain to keep his mind from slipping, even as the sun went down and a sandstorm kicked in outside. He felt the floor rumbling beneath his feet, but he was too wrapped up in his thoughts to wonder where they were going.

At some point, he thought he started praying.

Please, please, please. Come on, please, why him? Just leave him alone, let him be safe, just please let me be able to do something for once in my life…

Someone knocked on the glass. Brad was back. He looked a wreck. Wolfwood knew, somehow, he knew from the second he saw that expression, but when Brad actually said it out loud…

“Vash is hurt.”

…it still hit like a bullet to the chest.

“He’s headed to the medbay right now. Luida said he’s asked for you.” Brad hesitated. “I can let you out, but you’re going back in if you do anything stupid.”

Wolfwood could read between the lines. Don’t make that black eye a matching set. Don’t interfere with Vash receiving treatment. Don’t be an idiot. If he wanted to get Vash out, he’d have to be smart. And right now, that meant keeping his hands to himself and figuring out how bad the situation really was.

“Okay,” Wolfwood said. “Okay.” He took a deep breath, then another, and put his jacket back on. When he looked back up, Brad was staring at him skeptically. “Do you want me to pinkie promise or what? I swear I won’t do anything stupid.”

Brad hesitated, then stepped out of sight. The door started opening. The only thing that kept Wolfwood from rushing the door was the awareness that it’d look like a threat, and that he had no idea how to get to the medbay anyway. He’d have to follow Brad.

Just pretend you’re dealing with Midvalley. He’d always been able to avoid punching that son of a bitch no matter how annoying he was. (Okay, most of the time he’d been able to avoid it, but August didn’t count.) Brad kept a safe distance as he started walking. Wolfwood couldn’t even get some sick enjoyment out of the fact that he’d spooked the guy.

His mind raced with what might have gone wrong. On the scars on Vash’s body and which ones could have been caused by Knives. He tried to keep his head on straight. Focused on the pain in his shin and his ankle and his wrist and not on how badly he wanted to burn this place down.

That calm nearly went out the window when they arrived in the medbay.

It was obvious where Vash was; the cluster of doctors and the sound of Luida’s voice gave it away. “Vash, I need you to breathe, okay?” she said. Her voice was shaking, thick with tears. “You’re safe now, I promise.”

Wolfwood pushed past Brad, limping as fast as he could towards the sound of Luida’s voice. She was hovering over a gurney, holding onto one small, pale hand while two doctors looked at something on the other side. Vash lay on his back, eyes clenched shut and body tense.

It’s worse when you brace yourself but somehow, he could never stop himself.

“Vash!” Wolfwood called, his voice cracking.

Vash’s eyes flew open. “Nico?”

Wolfwood didn’t remember running to Vash’s side, didn’t remember if he pushed Luida out of the way or if she moved on her own. His only focus was on getting to him and seeing how bad the damage was. He clasped one cold hand tightly in both of his.

Only the one, because his left arm was gone.

The cut looked clean. That was about the only good thing about the situation. Vash was pale from blood loss, cold and shaking, terrified. Wolfwood pushed aside his own panic, tried to sound soothing and not absolutely pissed off as he spoke. “What part of stay put did you not hear, huh?”

Okay, maybe that wasn’t his best attempt. Wolfwood let go with one hand and carefully smoothed down Vash’s hair. “I’ve got you. I’m here now.”

“Don’t let them put me in the tank,” Vash whimpered. “Please, don’t let them put me in the tank.”

Wolfwood didn’t know what that meant, and decided not to think about it too long. The answer was just going to piss him off, and he needed to be calm. “You’re not going into a tank,” he said. “Okay? They’re gonna stitch your arm up. That’s it. I’ll be close by the whole time, so they won’t try anything funny.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.” Wolfwood forced a reassuring smile as he let his hand rest on Vash’s forehead. He was so cold. The red of his sunburn stood out on his face like blood on pale sand. “You might have to go to sleep, but I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Vash didn’t ask him to promise this time. Wolfwood could see the trust in his eyes. He wanted to scream at the sight, and at the sick feeling that he might be the only person here Vash really could trust.

How could the world have failed him that badly? Where’s Meryl Stryfe when you need her?

He pushed those thoughts aside. He held Vash’s hand tightly as the doctors kept working, preparing Vash for surgery. Wolfwood started humming—not his song, or Vash’s, but one he only heard rarely: the song that Miss Melanie would sing to them in secret whenever they were sick.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me…

There were a lot of things Miss Melanie did in secret. Prayers that didn’t line up with what the Eye’s radio shows taught. Ceremonies she let them skip, things she didn’t teach. The way she cried whenever another kid was taken away.

I once was lost, but now I am found…

None of them would dream of telling, though. Not on Miss Melanie. Not if it meant she might be sent away.

‘Twas blind but now I see.

Wolfwood wished she were here.

Vash didn’t resist when they put him under, but his grip on Wolfwood’s hand stayed tight. Wolfwood had to pry his fingers off so they could take him into surgery. Meanwhile, Wolfwood was shown to an observation room. Brad and Luida followed; he would’ve told them both to piss off, but he needed answers, and Luida was the one who had them. Before she could try to apologize, Wolfwood asked, “What happened?”

Luida hesitated, glanced Brad’s way, and started talking. She told them how she’d shown up in time to see Knives, covered in blood in a room of slaughtered scientists and dead Plants, talking to Vash. How he’d tried to get Vash to shoot Luida, then went to kill her himself when Vash wouldn’t. When Vash tried to stop him… “It was like a black hole opened up in his arm,” she said. Her voice had been even up until then, but it started trembling at the memory. “I don’t know how else to describe it. It started dragging in things, the dead bodies, and…the other Independent, Nai, cut off Vash’s arm to stop it. I went to help Vash, and when Nai tried to stop me, Vash…pointed the gun at him…” Her voice finally broke. “He threatened his own brother to protect me.”

That was Vash, all right. Brave to a fault. Protecting people who didn’t deserve it. And I was too busy being stupid to even try and protect him.

There wasn’t a single person in that room who hadn’t let him down.

Brad abruptly got up and left. Luida stayed behind, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Wolfwood could see the grief in her eyes. “You were right,” she whispered. “I should’ve tried harder to get him out.”

Wolfwood couldn’t even rub that in her face. Not now. Not when the weight of his own sins was starting to weigh him down again.

Luida wept quietly. Wolfwood watched as the surgeons worked on Vash and didn’t say a word.

.

They put Vash in a private room when it was over. Wolfwood parked himself in a chair while Luida hovered at the foot of Vash’s bed. “What happened before…” She cleared her throat. “…that’s going to stay between the four of us. No one has to know.”

“…great.” Wolfwood didn’t have the energy for a more biting response. It wouldn’t make sense to waste more time fighting when Vash needed him, anyway. “Brad’s on board with that?”

“He will be. I know he will. I know what you think of us, but he knows he’s made a mistake. And we want to make that right.”

Could she do that, after everything that had happened? Could Wolfwood?

He didn’t know what to say, so he kept his mouth shut and his eyes fixed on Vash. He was breathing slowly and steadily, still under from the medications. That was probably for the best. He’d have a lot to face when he woke up.

Luida stayed until someone dragged her off for an examination. No one bothered Wolfwood. The doctor who’d stitched up his ankle stopped in to check up on Vash and said everything looked good. “I heard you stopped using your crutch,” he added. “Do you want me to take a look at your injuries?”

“It’s fine,” Wolfwood said. Actually, it hurt like a bitch, but he wasn’t going to complain. He deserved that pain, and he wasn’t going to leave Vash. Fortunately, the doctor didn’t fight him about it.

More time passed. Vash’s face slowly grew less peaceful. His grip on Wolfwood’s hand tightened. “’em?” he mumbled.

“Easy,” Wolfwood replied gently. He squeezed Vash’s hand back. “You’re okay.”

Vash’s eyes opened, foggy with sleep and a touch of panic. He turned his head and relaxed when their eyes met. “Hi,” he said.

“Hey, kid.” Wolfwood smiled, hoping he looked more reassuring than exhausted. “You can rest. You’re safe.”

Vash didn’t need much encouraging. He was back out again within seconds.

It went on like that for a while. Vash bobbed in and out of consciousness, usually confused when he woke up, but calming immediately when he saw Wolfwood was still there. Luida came back once, briefly, only to be dragged away again. Brad never showed.

Exhaustion slowly draped itself over Wolfwood’s shoulders. He tried to tell himself to stay awake for Vash’s sake, but the events of the day and the hunger and throbbing pain wore him down. He rested his head on the bed and deluded himself into thinking he’d just close his eyes.

Just for a second.

.

He hadn’t been held like this since he was a kid—cradled gently, ear resting against the steady pulse of a heartbeat, wrapped in something soft and warm. Hands gently stroked his hair as a chorus of voices hummed gently. He could feel one hand grasping his shirt, a forehead pressed against his back. Thank you, whispered the chorus. Thank you. Thank –

.

Nico?

.

Wolfwood opened his eyes.

Vash was awake, still pale, still haggard-looking, but alert. “Shit,” Wolfwood mumbled. He dragged himself upright, wincing at the aches in his back and shoulders. “’m sorry…how long have you been up?”

“Not long.” Vash watched as Wolfwood tried to stretch. “Is Luida okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. She was here, earlier, but they needed her for…something, I don’t know.” Wolfwood was pretty sure every joint in his body popped as he tried to loosen them up. “But she’s okay.”

Vash nodded. “That’s good.” Then after some hesitation, he added, “Am…am I in trouble?”

The urge to hit something came back. Wolfwood shoved it down. “No. You’re not in trouble.”

Vash nodded again. His intact hand clenched into a tight fist. “I…”

Wolfwood could see tears forming in Vash’s eyes, so he did the only thing he could: sat on the bed and gathered Vash up in his arms. “It’s okay,” he said. Vash clung to him desperately, body trembling. “Let it out. I’ve got you.”

Vash’s first sob was heartbreaking, but Wolfwood was almost glad to hear it. It was worse when the kids cried in silence, afraid they would be punished for making noise. It was a habit he hadn’t been able to shake himself, one he was sure that Vash would develop eventually.

But here and now, Vash sobbed openly into Wolfwood’s shirt, free to show his grief and pain.

Wolfwood held him closer, and hoped that was enough to help him bear it.

.

Not much happened the rest of the day, though Wolfwood wasn’t surprised. The poor kid was worn out, and emotionally fragile to boot. Vash cried on and off all day when he noticed his arm was gone again, or if it was quiet for too long, or when the random check-ups by the doctors went on too long. If he wasn’t crying, he was either curled up next to Wolfwood, staring at the wall, or sleeping. He was asleep the first time Luida stopped by. The second time, Wolfwood thought he’d been awake until he glanced down and saw Vash’s eyes were closed. His breathing was slow, but a little too even. It was a pretty classic fake sleep, but not something Wolfwood was going to point out.

Fair enough. I wouldn’t want to talk to any of them, either.

“Just something simple, I think. If he doesn’t eat, I’ll finish it.” Wolfwood hadn’t even noticed his own hunger until Luida asked him about it. Stress was a hell of a thing sometimes. “But I’ll try to get him to eat.”

Luida nodded. She looked at Vash as if she were considering saying something, but slipped out as silently as she came in. Wolfwood waited until he was sure she was gone before leaning over. “Do you think you’ll be able to eat?” Vash hesitated, then shrugged without opening his eyes. “Do you think you can try?”

“…yeah,” Vash whispered.

“Atta boy.” Wolfwood rubbed Vash’s shoulder. “If you don’t want to talk to her, I can just say that for you.”

“I don’t know.” Vash finally opened his eyes. They looked so distant and lost. “Are you sure she’s not mad?”

“I’m positive. Trust me, I’d be able to tell.” It would’ve been easier if she were; Wolfwood would’ve told her to piss off a long time ago. “But you don’t have to talk to her and you don’t have to hear her out about anything. Not if you’re not up for it.”

Vash hummed quietly. Not exactly an answer. I’ll keep an eye on things, then. Step in if he had to. She’d better behave herself.

Vash didn’t sit up when Luida came back, but he didn’t fake being asleep again, either. “Hey, Vash,” Luida said softly. “How are you feeling?”

Wolfwood braced himself for Vash to be placating. He was surprised when Vash…didn’t do that. He glanced Luida’s way, looking like he was about to say something, but his eyes suddenly darted away. His face was hard to read, but Wolfwood could’ve sworn he looked scared.

Walking on eggshells. Every answer is wrong so it’s easier to just not say anything. But not saying anything had its own risks. Luida might not have taken the silence as disrespect and reacted with anger, but it was probably for the best Vash wasn’t looking at her. The devastated look in her eyes probably would’ve made him fold. She had the decency to keep it out of her voice as she kept speaking. “I just brought dinner for you and Nicholas. Got to keep your strength up.” She set the tray down carefully. “You’re…not in any trouble, okay? Not with me or Brad or anyone. I promise.”

Vash hummed quietly. His hand gripped Wolfwood’s sleeve tightly. Wolfwood glanced at Luida and shook his head slightly. Quit while you’re ahead. She must’ve gotten the memo, because she didn’t try to get any closer. “You get some rest, all right? Nicholas will look after you, and…I’ll stop by again later. If you want me to.”

“…okay,” Vash whispered.

Luida nodded. “Thank you, Vash. For protecting me. And I’m so sorry for everything.”

She left after that, thank God. Wolfwood could feel Vash shrinking into himself at that apology. Distract him. Quick. “Okay, what are we dealing with…” He pulled the tray over. Some kind of savory porridge, it looked like. Wolfwood took the first bite, letting it sit in his mouth for a second before swallowing, checking for any weird grittiness or bitterness, tingling in his mouth, sudden fuzzy vision. The Eye had sneaked sedatives into his food more than once. He was familiar with how they worked by now.

Nothing bad happened. It was just porridge. Wolfwood was suddenly, ravenously aware of how hungry he was, but he still gave Vash’s shoulder a gentle shake. Littles first, always. “It’s good,” he said encouragingly. “Come on. Just start with one bite.”

Vash sat up. There were fresh tear tracks on his face, but he picked up the second spoon and had a bite. He waited for Wolfwood to take another bite before he took his next one. They ate their way through the bowl that way, back and forth, fresh tears still slipping down Vash’s face. Wolfwood didn’t ask about them; he just passed Vash one of the bottles of water.

You’ll cry a whole ocean if you keep that up. Just like Alice. He’d told Livio that once. It was all he could think about for a moment.

“Do you miss your family?” Vash asked suddenly.

Of all the things he could ask. “I do,” Wolfwood said. “All the time.”

“So, it…it doesn’t stop?”

Vash whispered the question, just like he had in the dream. Too afraid to say it any louder, because it was insane and he must’ve known it. How could you miss the person who’d cut your arm off? Who’d killed hundreds and let you share the blame for it?

Because he’s Vash’s brother. No, he’s Vash’s twin. Wolfwood realized that he would never truly know that kind of pain. How could you bear losing someone you’d been with since your first breath? Someone whose face you’d see every time you looked in the mirror?

How can I help him bear it?

Vash suddenly doubled over, his spoon clattering against the tray. Wolfwood thought it was another bout of tears until he saw Vash clutch his arm stump. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Hurts…”

“Where?” Wolfwood got up, nearly knocking the tray off the bed as he did. “Should I get a doctor?”

“No! No, don’t leave me, please.”

“Okay, okay.” Wolfwood sat back down. “Big deep breath. Where does it hurt?”

Vash’s eyes were wide, scared. “My…my hand….”

“You mean the…” Wolfwood looked at the stump. “Oh.”

Phantom limb pain. Something the doctor said might happen. It would get better, apparently, but…

Nothing to be done about it now. All he could do was stay close.

“Big deep breath,” Wolfwood repeated. “Big and slow. It’ll stop. I promise it’ll stop.” He rubbed Vash’s shoulder. “It’s not fair. It sucks that you’ve gotta. But it’s just pain. You’re stronger than it is.” He leaned forward until his forehead was resting against the top of Vash’s head. Not quite a hug, but close. “Even if you don’t feel like you are right now.”

Vash’s breathing was shaking, but he was able to keep it under control. “C-can you tell me another story?” he asked.

“Yeah. Of course.” Wolfwood closed his eyes and tried to think of one that might help. “Once upon a time…”

He remembered another set of shivering shoulders, another head resting on his shoulder, the sharp tang of smoking straight from the worm’s tail.

“…there was a little boy and his shadow.”

They were stories he and Livio had made up together based off Livio’s imaginary friend. Wolfwood hadn’t thought about those stories in years—hadn’t been able to let himself think about them—but they flowed easily off his tongue now. The dangers the boy and the shadow faced, the way they would sometimes swap places so the shadow could help the boy get out of tough spots. It all came back to him so easily.

You don’t gotta worry about anything as long as I’m with you. And I promise I’m not going anywhere.

The pain must have stopped, or at least become bearable, because Vash eventually stopped holding his arm so tightly. He leaned against Wolfwood’s chest, his eyes drifting shut.

He felt as small and fragile as he had when he was little, and Wolfwood held him just as tightly.

.

The space around him was pure red, and he couldn’t move. He wasn’t strapped down; he was frozen in place, as if Bluesummers had him pinned to the air. His eyes desperately scanned the space, but all he saw was red, red and…

No.

Pale hair, wide blank eyes, a hole punched right through –

Except no, Livio didn’t have a mole, so it had to be -

No, no, the mole was on the wrong side. Was that Knives?

Thunk.

Fists pounded against a glass surface. Vash was on the other side, trying to break through, screaming, scared. Hands reached out from the dark to drag him away. Panic and anger surged through Wolfwood. He strained against his invisible bonds, trying to move, pushing and pushing until –

.

Wolfwood sat up so suddenly that he damn near fell out of his chair. He heard hysterical sobbing and frantic beeping. Vas was awake and pulling at the tubes attached to his arm with his teeth. “Whoa, whoa!” Wolfwood pushed Vash’s arm out of reach. “Take it easy!”

“I wanna go!” Vash sobbed. “I wanna go, I want - !”

“Okay, okay, we’re going. Just let me.” Vash had already left teeth marks in his arm trying to get loose. He’d definitely hurt himself worse if he kept it up. “Hold still.”

Wolfwood had pulled the main IV free and was working on the other monitors when the doctors showed up. “What are you doing?!” one yelped.

“We’re going back to his room.” The beeping turned into a droning whine as Wolfwood pulled the last sensor off Vash’s chest. “He’s done.”

“You can’t just – “

“Can and am!” Wolfwood scooped up Vash and turned to face the crowd blocking the door. “Move.”

“Sir…”

“Are you blind or are you not seeing how scared he is right now?!”

The room went silent. Vash’s whimpers were muffled by Wolfwood’s shirt, but still audible. Wolfwood forced himself to take a breath. He couldn’t afford to end up in jail again. “I will get someone if I think he’s gonna drop dead, but he can’t stay here,” Wolfwood said. “So I’m asking nicely, for his sake…move. Please.”

Another pause. The doctors stared at each other. One pushed his way to the front of the pack—the same one who’d stitched up Wolfwood. He pulled something off his belt and handed it out to Wolfwood. “You can use this to call someone,” he said. “It will get help faster.”

Well, points to him. This was probably the first time Wolfwood felt even remotely like he could trust a guy in a white coat. “Thanks,” he said.

Everyone got out of his way once he took the device, letting him carry Vash out into the hallway. “You’re gonna have to give me directions,” Wolfwood said quietly. “I swear I can’t find my own head in this…”

Brad and Luida were out in the hallway.

Judging from the blankets draped over a few chairs, they’d been out there all night. They both stared at Vash, Luida visibly relieved he wasn’t dead, Brad unreadable. Luida started to step forward, but stopped herself and shrank back. Like she was afraid she’d make things worse if she got too close.

Wolfwood looked away from both of them and back to Vash. “C’mon,” he said. “Let’s get out of here.”

No one tried to stop him on his way out.

.

Wolfwood didn’t sleep at all that night.

Vash did, thank God. Once he was tucked into his own bed, he bundled up under the blankets and went right back under. But Wolfwood stayed awake, watching the door. The room was a lot tidier than he’d expected after their rushed packing session. Maybe Luida had tried to clean up for him.

Better not have messed with his stuff.

Sometimes he got up to pace, limping his way through the restless energy. At one point he sat down and started fiddling with the bandages around his ankle. If only that stupid worm hadn’t made him drop his stupid vial, he wouldn’t have to deal with this. He was holding up for now, but carrying Vash had only made the pain come back. The scarring wasn’t going to be pretty.

And you think that compares to what he’s feeling right now? To what he felt in July?

It didn’t.

It would never come close.

.

The familiar sound of rustling blankets and a don’t want to wake up whine signaled the start of a new day. “Mornin’, Blondie,” Wolfwood said. Vash’s response was to tunnel himself deeper into his blankets. “You don’t have to get up or anything. Just let me know you’re not dead.”

After a pause, Vash’s hand went from grasping the blankets to giving a thumb’s up. Wolfwood snorted. “I’ll take that.”

Vash’s hand dropped to the mattress. His eyes peered out not too long after. “Do I have to go back?” he asked.

“Only if things get worse. Can I take a look?” Wolfwood was a little surprised that Vash sat up so readily. He was expecting a lot more resistance, seeing how terrified he’d been in the hospital. Wolfwood carefully removed the bandages from the injury. He was actually a little taken aback by how good it looked. There was no way it was going to look flawless, but whoever had stitched Vash back up knew their shit. More importantly, it didn’t look infected to him, and that was what counted. “Does it feel warm? Hurt more than it did?”

“Hurts the same. Not warm.” Vash glanced down at the stump, then looked away. “Sorry I woke you up.”

“Don’t apologize to me for being scared. I’d be, too.” And at this point, Wolfwood wasn’t even sure it was for different reasons. He was cut off from the question he wanted to ask by someone knocking at the door.

Damn it. Wolfwood instinctively rested a hand on Vash’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I’ve got it,” he said.

He was fully prepared to tell someone off when he opened the door. He was greeted instead by a tray of food and some medical supplies left in front of the door. Luida was standing a safe distance down the hallway with the only non-shitty doctor at her side. Wolfwood shot them a thumb’s up before retrieving the items and retreating back into Vash’s room. “Nothing to worry about,” he said. “You hungry?” Vash shrugged. “Can you try?”

“…okay.”

It was a good thing he was willing. The included instructions mentioned that some of the included medicine had to be taken with food. None of them looked any different than the meds that had been given to Vash already, so Wolfwood let him take them. He worked on re-bandaging Vash’s arm as the kid ate, slowly and carefully.

Vash’s plant markings shone faintly around the wound, creeping up a few inches into his arm. Wolfwood thought about Vash’s inhumanity, about the way he’d cried harder when the doctors examined him and freaked out the night before, about the dream…

“I know you probably don’t want to hear this,” Wolfwood said, “but I need to know…did they do anything to you before I got there back then?”

Vash shook his head immediately. “No. They left me alone.”

“What about after I left?”

“No. Just regular doctor visits.”

“Regular like…regular for a human? You just seem really freaked by a lot of this, and if anyone’s hurting you…”

“No, no. I just…”

Vash hesitated. Wolfwood waited until he was done bandaging the arm before he prompted Vash gently: “Just what?”

Vash pushed his food aside and pulled his knees up to his chest. Seeing his stump try to wrap around them was heartbreaking. “It’s a long story, but…you should hear it. Since you’re standing up for me.”

Wolfwood’s heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t sure what he was about to learn, but something told him that a lot of questions were about to be answered. “I’ve got time.”

Vash took a deep breath before turning around to point at the picture in the middle of his photos. “That’s Rem,” he said softly. “She found Nai and I when we were born. She’s the one who raised us. Nai started thinking that she was keeping something from us. He said she was secretive about some files and that he overheard her talking to the captain about how we weren’t going to be treated like ‘her’. She wouldn’t tell him what that meant, so he asked me to help look at her work station. I was the one who put in her access code. I remembered it from when she’d showed me something else. There were files about us, and…another Independent.” Vash shrank down, hugging himself more tightly as he did. “Her name was Tesla. She was born fifty years before us. They…did things to her. Experiments, and…” His body trembled. “They still had her on the ship. All cut up in tubes…” He buried his face in his knees. “H-her file said she was alive, but I could see her insides…”

Wolfwood knew that image. It was from that fucking mural on the wall in the Eye’s training compound. The angel with her body all divided up in three columns of light. He remembered staring at the one separated eye hovering over her head so he wouldn’t have to look at Chapel during one of his lectures.

Humans had butchered Knives’ sister, and he’d made her a religious symbol for it.

“Shit.” Wolfwood ran his hand over his face. He thought about every kid the Eye had ever taken. Thought about himself, about all the needles and tubes and pain. Wondered how many more human lives it would take to pay for Tesla’s. “Vash, I’m…I’m so sorry.”

Vash was quiet for a moment. His voice still shook when she spoke. “Nai wasn’t the same after that. He was just…gone, for a week, didn’t speak or react to anything. When he woke up, he acted like everything was fine around the adults, but I saw…he was so angry. He was so mad at humans. I knew he was mad, I knew he was scared, but I didn’t know he’d…”

Another long pause. Vash’s words were replaced by quiet sniffling. Wolfwood rested a hand on Vash’s shoulder. Eventually, the crying sounds grew quiet. When Vash spoke again, his voice was flat and dull: “Nai got into the flight controls because I showed him Rem’s access code. He’s the reason the ships crashed. He killed all those people and…he was only able to do it because of me.”

That was a lot to take in. Wolfwood took a second to chew on it. His mind worried it all down to one point. “So…let me get this this straight. You showed him that access code—no, you used it in the room with him, and you had no idea that he’d use it to do anything but snoop a little. You didn’t know what you’d find and you didn’t know how your brother would react.” Vash hesitated, then nodded. “Kid, I’m not seeing anything wrong with what you did.”

Vash’s head shot up. His eyes were wide and confused. “But the ships…”

“Yeah, I heard that part, but you know what that was? That was Nai’s stupid, shitty decision. That’s got nothing to do with you.”

“But if I hadn’t…”

“No.”

“If I’d told someone…”

“Vash.”

“I could’ve stopped him if I…”

“My uncle used to hit me.”

Vash went dead silent. Wolfwood almost regretted saying it, but it was the only way he could think of to make Vash understand. “After my parents died, he was the only living family I had, so I got handed off to him. He was a mean drunk and he hated my guts and he hit me. He always had a reason for it, too. I was too loud, I broke something, I ate too much…and I tried. I was quiet. I didn’t touch anything. I only ate what he gave me. But it wasn’t enough. He always found some new reason to hurt me.” Wolfwood flexed his jaw, trying to chase off a sudden stab of pain from how tightly his teeth were clenched. “And the older I got, the more I realized…I wasn’t doing anything wrong. He wanted to hurt me. That was his problem, not mine. Even if I was being a little shit, nothing I’d done deserved that.” Wolfwood made sure he was looking Vash in the eyes. “You are not responsible for other people’s shitty decisions. Hear me? You aren’t responsible for Nai and you don’t deserve all the bullshit these people have put you through. You haven’t done a damn thing wrong, and you don’t deserve to get hit any more than I did.”

Vash’s eyes were flooded with tears. Instinct kicked in, and Wolfwood wrapped him up tightly in a hug. “And I’ll tell you something else,” he said, “I am not gonna let what happened to Tesla happen to you. Hear me?”

He knew the second it left his mouth that it was a lie, that in a few decades he’d be the one leading Vash to the slaughter. That Knives would make a second dismembered angel of his brother in the name of his goals.

But maybe he could stop that somehow. Change the outcome.

Maybe that was his penance.

“So, we could still be sand pirates if we wanted to?” Vash mumbled.

Despite himself, Wolfwood smiled. “Yeah. We can still be sand pirates if you want.”

Vash clung tightly to Wolfwood for a while, unspeaking. Wolfwood wasn’t sure if his words had any effect at all. He hoped they did. Hoped they could prevent even a single one of those scars in the future.

Hoped they were more than just words.

.

For most of that day, their only visitor was the doctor. Vash ate lunch. They spent most of their down time looking at the small collection of books in the room. Vash was a little less shaken up than he had been after his last crying session, but still quiet. He had another burst of phantom pain. Wolfwood had to help him breathe through it again.

It won’t last forever. He wasn’t sure that was true. He hoped it was, though.

They were reading through a book of old Earth folklore when someone knocked on the door. A glance at the clock confirmed it was about time for dinner. “Will you be okay to let the doc look at you if he wants?” Wolfwood asked as he stood up.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” Vash said. “It’s not so bad when I’m in here.”

“All right. If he does overstep though…”

Brad was standing on the other side of the door.

Wolfwood froze. His body mind went in a dozen different directions. Slam the door. Deck the guy again. Grab Vash and run. Brad stared past Wolfwood’s ear with a tense jaw and shoulders. “Can I talk to him?” he asked.

Wolfwood took a deep breath and glanced over his shoulder. He could’ve told Brad to piss off, but Vash might get upset, and it might mean more if it came from the kid. “Brad wants to talk,” he said.

Vash immediately looked wary. His expression wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no, either. Wolfwood turned back to Brad. “Hang on.” He shut the door before Brad could protest and walked back to Vash. “If you don’t want him here, I can make him leave right now,” he said.

“I…” Vash shrank up again. “I don’t know. I…I do want to know what he wants, but…” His eyes darted back and forth as he thought before fixing on Wolfwood again. “Will you stay? Just in case?”

“Yeah, of course. Say the word and he’s gone. You don’t have to hear him out.” He probably would anyway, much as that pissed Wolfwood off, but at least he’d made the offer.

“Okay.” Vash nodded. “I’m ready.”

It went against all of Wolfwood’s instincts, but he turned around and opened the door. Brad was still there, still tense. “No bullshit,” Wolfwood said as he stepped aside. “And I’m staying here. Got it?”

“Fine.” Brad stepped in. He kept a safe enough distance from Vash, which was about the only thing keeping Wolfwood keeping his distance. Vash stayed balled up, but made eye contact with Brad.

“…hi,” Vash said quietly.

“Hi.” Brad took a deep breath. “I’m not here to make excuses. I was wrong. One hundred percent. I should’ve heard you out before I jumped to conclusions and I should have trusted you. I don’t know what happened back then, but…whatever it was, you shouldn’t have felt like you had to fix it on your own. And I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did back during the Fall. You were just a kid. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry for everything.”

It was all the right words in the right order, but Wolfwood was still skeptical. Until…

“Don’t say you forgive me. You don’t owe me that. I haven’t done anything to earn it. Be pissed at me for as long as you need. Hell, you can walk out right now if that’s what you need. I won’t blame you. But if you stay, I promise I’ll do better. I don’t know if I can make it right, but…I’ll do what I can.”

…huh. He’d never heard that before.

Vash looked taken aback, too. For a second, Wolfwood thought he was going to jump right into forgiveness. Instead…

“I’m not mad,” Vash said quietly. “I’m…”

He paused. Wolfwood knew that look. It was the look of having too many emotions at once and not being able to put a label on them. The same thing he’d felt in the Geoplant. “I think I’m mostly sad,” Vash said.

Brad nodded. “That’s okay, too.” For once, his eyes weren’t so damned unreadable. He looked ashamed. Sad. “They’re gonna bring you dinner soon. I’ll…leave you alone to think, okay?” Vash nodded. “You rest up.”

Brad hovered by the door. Wolfwood stepped closer, fully intending to escort him out, when Brad leaned closer to him. “Just look after him, okay? If he decides…” Brad shook his head. “…look after him.”

Then he was goner, leaving Wolfwood with a sinking feeling in his gut.

You have no idea who you just asked that of.

But what if he really was somehow the better option? Or if that was what Vash wanted? Wolfwood turned around hesitantly. Vash was still curled up, staring off at nothing with a slight frown on his face. “…how are you feeling?” Wolfwood asked.

“…I don’t know.”

That was the last thing Vash said about it for a while. He stayed subdued through dinner and his last exam of the day. Eventually, it was just the two of them and the fading on-ship lights. “Think any harder and you’ll have steam coming out your ears,” Wolfwood said.

The comment got a small smile out of Vash. He got up carefully and walked to one of his wall shelves. He grabbed an unlabeled book with a pen attached to the cover. “What’s that for?” Wolfwood asked.

“I need to write everything down.” Vash sat back down on the bed, cross-legged. He fumbled a bit at first, but soon figured out how to get himself situated. “Just…thinking about a lot of things.”

Wolfwood was tempted to ask more questions, but that sounded like diary stuff. Messing with another kid’s diary was a one-way ticket to either a scolding or a beatdown back in Hopeland, so he kept his questions to himself and settled down in his chair instead, injured foot propped up on the bed. Vash was still a little pale, but he didn’t look quite as fragile. His gaze was laser-focused instead. From the way his pen was scratching, he’d had a lot on his mind.

Hopefully, he was actually thinking about what Brad had said instead of rushing to forgive him. That’d sure be a change of pace.

The sound of pen on paper was strangely soothing. He hadn’t even done anything all day, but Wolfwood was suddenly exhausted. I should make sure Vash gets some sleep first, he thought. Don’t want him being up too late.

He closed his eyes anyway.

.

A chorus of ringing surrounded him. Not like bells…more like the sound glasses of water made when you filled them up with different amounts of water and tapped them. Miss Melanie had shown him that trick. Just the once. Didn’t want to waste water.

There was light. Not the harsh light of the sun, but something else. It shone down through a haze, rays piercing a sandstorm, getting brighter and –

 “You really don’t play?”

Nico blinked. What had they been talking about? Oh, right. “You think we’ve got money for something like this?” He was a little afraid to touch the piano, honestly. It looked nice. “We’re not that fancy.”

Vash sat next to him, already playing strings of notes one after another in sequence. “I can show you,” he said. “It’s not hard. You just need to practice.”

“Not hard for you.”

“Not hard for anyone. I’m not that special.”

The markings on his eyes said otherwise, but Nico could understand why he wanted to think that.

“I’ll give it a shot,” he relented. He rested his hands on the keys, pushing through the self-conscious feeling that he’d leave fingerprints. “Just don’t make fun of me when I suck at it.”

Vash pouted. “You’re not gonna suck at it,” he said, gently nudging Nico in the ribs. “And I’d never make fun of you for trying.”

His eyes were so earnest, Wolfwood had to look away. He took a deep breath. “Okay. How do I do this?”

Vash was a patient teacher. He showed Nico what each of the keys meant, how to play a chord. He guided Nico through a simple tune, something that only used one hand. Nico felt a little silly at first, but the more they played, the more comfortable he felt. It sounded like the tune Vash would always hum to himself, but more complete, somehow.

This was always meant for two people, wasn’t it?

Vash leaned against him. For once, Wolfwood didn’t feel like he was doing something wrong.

Maybe I am helping.

.

He woke up to the sound of someone knocking on the door. Wolfwood was on his feet before he’d fully registered his surroundings. When he did, he noticed first how worried Vash looked. “Sorry,” Wolfwood said. He rubbed his eyes. “Twitchy.”

“It’s probably just breakfast,” Vash pointed out.

“Yeah, yeah.” Wolfwood still reached for his pocket knife as he answered the door. As Vash said, it was just breakfast, and another check-in from the doctor. It was a pretty standard one: bandage swap, check the wound was healing okay, see how Vash was feeling, ask to look at Wolfwood’s injuries and immediately get rejected (he’d replaced the bandage himself already, and he still felt too jumpy to have strange hands on him). Just as the doctor started to leave, Vash spoke up. “Could you let Brad and Luida know I want to talk to them? Just…whenever they have time?”

Oh, hell.

Wolfwood waited until they were alone before he started his interrogation: “Talk about what?”

“What happened.” Vash kept his eyes on his food. “All of it. I want them to know my side of things. And Nai’s.”

“…can I ask why?”

“I want to see how they react. Nai thinks that all humans are just…selfish and awful. That they can’t change. But if they understand, if they see how awful it all was, maybe…” Vash shrugged. “I just want to know.”

Wolfwood wasn’t sure how to feel about that one. Yeah, it was a test, a chance to see if they meant those apologies. But did they deserve even that?

Do you?

Damn, his conscience was starting to get annoying.

“Do you want me to stay?” Wolfwood asked.

“No, I can talk to them alone.” Vash hesitated. “I mean…if you don’t mind waiting outside…”

Wolfwood examined the room. Unless they went through the windows—and there wasn’t really a lot to work with there—the door was the only way in and out. As long as he stayed near the door, they’d have to go past him if they wanted to snatch Vash. “I can do that,” he said.

Wolfwood had to keep reminding himself it was what Vash wanted. That he might not agree with it, but it wasn’t so risky that he could justify using his I’m older so I know better privileges to override it. He reminded himself that, technically, Brad and Luida hadn’t done anything to threaten Vash since Luida brought him back.

None of this stopped him from glaring at both adults as they walked in, from very pointedly saying that he’d be right outside, and from taking a beat too long to actually step out.

He stayed on his feet. He paced back and forth in front of his door. If he listened hard, he thought he could hear them talking, but it was too muffled for him to make out any words. Eventually, he finally had to sit down, get some weight off his ankle. His hand strayed down to his bruise, as it usually did.

Wolfwood hesitated after the first poke.

The pain had become familiar to him by now, familiar enough that the sudden change in intensity was noteworthy. He pulled up his pants leg. It definitely looked better than it had. It had gotten a bit smaller, yellow at the edges.

The logical answer was that he hadn’t had as much time to poke at it, that even without the chemicals his body healed a bit faster than others.

Buit then why didn’t his ankle sting as badly than it had yesterday when he’d swapped out the bandage?

His hands hovered over the bandages, torn between the desire for answers and the fear of what he’d find. The door slid open before he could decide. Brad and Luida stepped out. “…thank you for talking to us,” Luida said. Her tone was just a little too practiced, too gentle. “Just let us know what you decide, okay?”

“Yeah, I will.”

Brad wouldn’t look at Wolfwood as he speed-walked away; his cheeks were pink, his fists clenched. Luida was slower to walk away, but the second she was out of sight of the door, she pressed both hands against her mouth. Wolfwood saw a tear slip down her cheek. He scrambled to re-enter the room, suddenly nervous about how the conversation had gone.

Vash wasn’t in total shambles. Instead, he was sitting upright on his bed, hugging that bright red jacket to his chest. “How’d it go?” Wolfwood asked.

“They both apologized again. They thought what happened to Tesla was awful and they promised they wouldn’t let that happen. And they agreed with you that what happened…wasn’t my fault.” He said that as if he was still having a hard time believing it. “We talked about how I could leave if I wanted to. And Luida said I should keep the coat, no matter what I decide.”

Wolfwood hummed quietly. The coat honestly seemed like the least they could do, all things considered. “Where’s your head at?” he asked.

Vash stared out the window for a moment. “…can we go outside?” he asked.

They made their way back out to the catwalks outside. Vash took the coat with him, clinging to it for comfort. Wolfwood turned to his comfort item, lighting up another cigarette the second it was safe. They sat with their legs dangling over the edge of the catwalk and stared out over the sands. “Want to try?” Wolfwood said, offering the cigarette to Vash.

Vash leaned a little closer, then drew back with a wrinkled nose. “No, thanks.”

Probably for the best. Wolfwood looked back out of the barren wastes around them. Wondered how far they would have to walk to find civilization. If they could make it in the earliest, wildest days of No Man’s Land.

If they had a choice.

“We could leave,” he told Vash. “You don’t have to stay here if you don’t feel safe. I’d look after you.”

To Wolfwood’s surprise, Vash actually seemed to consider the offer. He looked at Wolfwood carefully. He scanned the landscape, as if wondering the same thing Wolfwood had. Slowly, he hugged the coat close to his chest. “I told Nai that I think people can be good,” he said. “That they can change. If I just run away without giving them a chance…” He met Wolfwood’s eyes. “…then I’m just a liar, aren’t I? I have to actually follow what I believe.”

Wolfwood sighed. “That’s noble and all, but people don’t always deserve your chances. You don’t have to stick around to see if they get better. Not if it risks you getting hurt.”

“Maybe, but…I want to this time. This place is my home now. I can’t give up on it.” He reached into the pockets of the coat and pulled something out. It was the sewing kit he hadn’t had the chance to give Wolfwood before. “Can you still shorten the sleeves for me?”

Wolfwood wanted to argue. Wanted to grab Vash and jump over the edge and start running. But Vash would never forgive him if he did.

And, somehow, deep down, he’d known that this was how it was meant to go.

So, he quietly got to work, first folding and sewing up the sleeve to accommodate Vash’s stump before moving to tack up the other sleeve. It was still too big, but Vash was starting to look like he belonged in it.

Wolfwood wasn’t sure how to feel about that, either. Getting angry about it felt like getting angry at a sandstorm. Fighting an inevitability. But still…

“Can I ask you something?” Vash said suddenly.

Oh, good, a distraction. “Shoot.”

“Are you an angel?”

Wolfwood nearly spat out his cigarette. “What gave you that idea?! The cussing, the dirty clothes, or the smoking?!” Vash’s face went bright pink and embarrassed. “Sorry, sorry, just…I am the furthest thing from an angel you can get.” Sometimes it felt like he’d stopped even being human a long time ago, that he’d been twisted into something more like a demon. But he didn’t want to burden Vash with all of that. “I’m just a guy. That’s all.”

Vash frowned slightly. “If that’s true, then…how did you get here?”

Hell.

Wolfwood focused on his stitches and tried to think. How could he explain? Would Vash even believe him? Should he tell Vash everything?

Will I be able to bear the look on his face if I do?

“…Luida told me about what happened, with the…black hole you opened up? I’ve seen something like that.” That was a decent enough place to start, he guessed. “I fell into one like it. It keeps spitting me out places and then reopening after a bit. And every time it’s brought me to you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t.” That wasn’t a lie, either. He didn’t have any idea why Vash had done this, why he’d chosen Wolfwood, if he’d even meant to choose Wolfwood, why he kept choosing Wolfwood regardless. “Just glad I could help while I’m here. If you can call it helping.” He finished the last stitch and cut off the thread. “You’ll just want to cut these as you get taller –“

Vash’s arms wrapped around him tightly. Wolfwood hugged him back with one arm and grabbed his cigarette with his free hand, just so he wasn’t blowing smoke in the kid’s face. “You have been helping,” Vash said. “And I’m really grateful.”

Don’t speak too soon. You might not feel that way in a few decades.

But how could he say that now without breaking Vash’s heart?

Wolfwood tightened his hold as best he could. “Least I could do,” he said quietly.

It would never even be remotely enough.

.

He saw Brad and Luida first. For once, his complicated feelings about them weren’t the first thing that came to mind.

“You go on ahead, okay? I’ll catch up.” Wolfwood took a deep breath. “Just need to have a word with them.”

Vash looked skeptical. “Nico…”

“I’ll be nice. I promise.” Nice probably wasn’t the right word for it, but he wasn’t going to hit anybody. He reckoned that was close enough. “I just want to talk.”

Vash still looked skeptical, but he kept walking. Wolfwood veered off to the duo. The matching looks of dread on their faces caught him off-guard until Luida spoke: “Did Vash decide…?”

Right, that. “He’s going to stay.” The dread fell of their faces immediately. Luida looked relieved; Brad shoved whatever he was feeling back behind his usual default expression. “I just wanted to be clear on what the plan is moving forward. “

“We’re going to make sure he gets a prosthetic. Right now, he needs to focus on physically healing, but…” Luida’s smile wilted. “I know…I know we’ll have a lot of other things to work on. We’ve got someone onboard Vash can talk to if he wants to give that a try – “

“Great. What are you going to do?”

Another pause. Luida was the first to break it with an awkward, slightly frantic giggle. “Everything I think to say sounds so…basic,” she admitted. “I want to be there for him, I want to help him, but that’s not a solution, is it?” She rubbed her eyes. “How do you do it?”

“Experience. What, are you both only children?” From the awkward look they shot each other, they were. Should’ve known. “Look, I get that we’re in a shitty situation right now, everyone’s got to pitch in, but he’s a kid. You need to let him be a kid and he needs to feel safe. The world’s not gonna be good to him once they figure out what he is. If you can’t make this a place that he can turn to when that happens…” Vash said this was his home, but Wolfwood wasn’t sure he believed that. Vash wouldn’t have so many scars if it really was. Wolfwood knew for damn sure most of his wouldn’t be there if he still had Hopeland. “…if you can’t be the people he trusts absolutely, then he’s not gonna have a chance. So maybe start there. Whatever it takes.” Now it was Wolfwood’s turn to hesitate. It felt almost wrong to say, like handing information to someone he wasn’t sure he could trust, but…

“He likes stories. Lullabies. I don’t know if you knew that, but…he still does.”

Maybe they would know what to do with it.

He shrugged. “Anyways, I’m gonna catch up with him. I just wanted to make sure we were all on the same page here.” He started to turn around, but faced them again. “He’s a good kid. A little too good. Don’t let that hurt him, either.”

He looked at Brad when he said it. Between the two of them, he seemed like the one who could actually get that done. Brad nodded in response. Hopefully he understood what that really meant.

Wolfwood’s thoughts were a swarm of worms by the time he reached Vash’s room. Stepping through the door and running directly into Vash jarred him out of it. “Wh-“

“There’s something in the bathroom,” Vash whispered.

…shit.

Wolfwood knew what he’d see when he opened the door. He knew. Every step he took forward felt like he was being pulled over, almost against his will. Don’t tell me you’re actually going to do this now. Don’t tell me.

He opened the door just a crack. There was a portal inside.

Wolfwood slammed the door shut.

Seriously?! Fucking seriously?! Now?! He wanted to scream, to bash his head against the door repeatedly. I begged you to get me away from you and you do it now?! He still needs me, you can’t do this…

“Is that…?” Vash was suddenly at his elbow, trying to pry open the door. He only got it an inch before Wolfwood closed it again. “Is that it?”

“Yeah.”

“…does that mean…?”

The jacket looked too big for him again.

“…do you want me to stay?” Wolfwood asked. “I don’t have to go. If it doesn’t go away, you can use another bathroom, or…something.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t have to go. You’re still…”

Hurt. You’re still stuck in this place with these people. You’re too young. I can’t let you do this. You don’t even know how to hold a gun.

“What do you want?” That was what mattered here. Not what the Vash of the future thought; what Vash thought now.

Vash stared at the door with a slight, confused frown. It hadn’t made a sound that Wolfwood could hear, but that didn’t mean Vash couldn’t hear something. Was he talking to himself? Could he tell? This was all too confusing, too far above Wolfwood’s pay grade. Vash wrapped his arm around himself, fingers gripping his folded-up sleeve. “Last time…both times…things were better by the time you left,” he said quietly. “And they were better after. So maybe…maybe it’s time.”

“Doesn’t have to be.”

“You have a home too, don’t you?”

“I – “

He did. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen to Hopeland in the future, but he did still have it. Was he abandoning it if he stayed?

Are you just trying to run away from your mistakes by staying?

“Nico.” Vash took a deep breath. “I’m gonna…I’m gonna be okay. You keep finding me. We’ll see each other again.” His eyes were so, so calm on the surface. “We will.”

Still a little afraid underneath.

Or maybe Wolfwood was just projecting. Because suddenly he was terrified for Vash.

Is he ready? Is it going to be okay? Have I done enough?

Will I ever be able to do enough?

Wolfwood swallowed hard. “What will you tell Brad and Luida?”

“That you had to go back where you came from. People come and go all the time. They’ll believe it.”

“They’ll probably be happy to get rid of me.” Wolfwood’s laugh was strangled and short-lived. “I didn’t know it would be so soon.”

“I know. It’s okay.”

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“Well.” Wolfwood took a deep breath. He wanted another cigarette, more than anything.

Wait.

He reached into his pocket for his lighter. “Here.” He held it out to Vash. “I want this back later, okay?”

Vash took it, stared at it for a second. Then, in a shockingly smooth motion, he managed to flip it. First try. “Hey, not bad,” Wolfwood said.

Vash’s smile was bright as the sun outside. Even as a few tears slipped down his face. “Thanks,” he whispered.

Wolfwood didn’t hesitate to pull him into an embrace this time. Vash gripped him tightly. So small and young, but…somehow still strong. Even after everything.

“See you later,” he said.

For the first time, that thought didn’t terrify him.

“See you,” Vash replied.

They broke apart eventually. Vash had stopped crying. Wolfwood felt like he might start. He slipped his sunglasses back on to hide it and re-opened the bathroom door. The portal was still there, silent but calling out to him all the same.

Time to go.

Time to see if he’d managed to do anything.

Wolfwood stepped through before he could think twice about it, leaving a prayer behind him.

Please, God, please…just let him be okay.

Just let it be enough.