#guess who got diagnosed as prediabetic

[pinkrangerv]

You don't really need to be afraid of that, either. Just head on over to the doctor and say 'hey, I just turned 30 and my body is showing Symptoms of Fucking Up Disorder' and they can give you something to fix it--often it's something simple like a fiber pill, sometimes it's physical therapy, but there's usually a fix for it.

And then you can go back to fandom stuff, which is obvs the real reason for living.

[rnistergoodnite]

TMI health nonsense

So, in April or something last year I got a blood clot. Which wasn’t great, especially since there were like next to no offices open to meet with a doctor in person due to Covid. (And it caused a lot of drama because the one branch of a particular practice that was open didn’t accept my insurance and the one that did was closed indefinitely -- not important, other than to say the office that did take my insurance didn’t even check the records when I went there and tried to shame me for not going forward with a surgery THAT DAY that wasn’t even presented to me as an option up to that point) Anyway, bloodclots run in my family so it was kind of a big deal to try to get it taken care of. 

At this time I was also taking medication for PCOS, which is a hormonal imbalance that causes all kinds of totally awesome problems due to excessive testosterone. Among them, weight gain and insulin resistance that can lead to diabetes and heart problems and all kinds of * other * totally fun things. So, I was taking birth control pills to, essentially, give me a period so I didn’t develop cancer as well as to help counteract things like hirsutism so I can be (visibly) socially acceptable ~! I was also prescribed metformin to help with the cool insulin side effects. Anyway, I was warned the birth control could lead to clotting so it had to be closely monitored because of my family history.

Long story short I stopped taking it when I got the blood clot. And the metformin. And the antidepressants. Because it was impossible to go in to see a doctor, the birth control scared the fuck out of me, and the metformin from my new pharmacy was causing all kinds of internal distress to the point where I didn’t want to eat ever and felt like death at every single moment. And, what the fuck, the happy pills weren’t doing shit for me anyway. 

Anyway, I haven’t felt good for a few months, which usually means something is going very wrong because I start to get menopause symptoms, essentially - really bad hot flashes to the point where I feel like I am going to faint (this is actually how I got diagnosed in the first place except back then I was actually fainting -- not to mention 60+ pounds of weight gain for absolutely no fucking reason), fatigue, etc. I also work in a store that refuses to let the temperature go below 80 degrees and have to wear a mask, and, you know, I have stupid bangs that cover my eyes. And I am ~*fat*~. Which is all good and fine except it is so fucking hot I feel like I am going to collapse. So I decide to be an adult and go to the doctor. A new doctor since mine left the practice.

After not taking any medication since early 2020. 

Get some blood work, I’m prediabetic - not surprising, since again, I am insulin resistant and haven’t been on medication for over a year. Slightly high cholesterol. . also not surprising since . . I haven’t been taking medication for over a year. . . etc etc. Have also gained 10 pounds since I --- well, you know.

Honestly I’m pretty happy with myself because this is similar to my last bloodwork, 2019, when I was taking medicine inconsistently. 

Then the doctor makes some comment about my weight. Which sucks, but I expected it. She was nice about it. Told me to see a nutritionist. Asked if I snored. Everything that can be explained by, “you are fat” -- which,  I am - but I am also many other things. Again, this is a new doctor - my first time seeing her.

Get told to try some exercising before following it up with, “Maybe try swimming because this might be hard for you”, or,  asking about pain medicine I was taking (in 2018!)  because of a genetic knee cartilage issue and kind of insinuating it was due to size --- She wasn’t rude about it, I don’t want to give the wrong impression but I also don’t feel like she was listening to me. The weight is a symptom of a condition. It is not the condition itself. More to the point -- like I said, I have excessive testosterone. I am kind of stocky (?) consequently. I am 220 pounds in this photo, which classified me as “obese”. Like???

So I am asking - Walking counts as exercise, right? I spend 9-15 hours a day on my feet and do anywhere from 5 to 15 miles of walking per day. All she has to say is, “Sure -”  . . I know working isn’t extra exercise, and I am not saying I don’t need to try -- I do, I am not well and this syndrome can spring upwards of 100+ pounds on a person if they don’t keep it in check. I get what she was saying, I do, but, like, on the other hand - my blown out Achilles is due to a ladder incident, not because I’m fat, alright? 

All in all, not a terrible experience, just wish she’d have listened a bit more to me and didn’t make me feel dumb for stopping the Cymbalta, which “isn’t going to cause clotting, you know that, right?”

THEN I GET THE FOLLOW UP REPORT which just comes down to “patient admits to gaining weight and needs to lose 5-10% of body weight by next visit, declined sleep study due to snoring, declined bariatric help, claims to understand but . . .” 

Like I am kind of stunned? I don’t even know what to think. I don’t even know if she listened to a third of what I said or read my history. “Patient admits to gaining ten pounds”, yeah, no shit, a normal person doesn’t gain ten pounds in a month for no reason.

. . Oh, and she told me to take the antidepressants again but didn’t give me a prescription and the pharmacy won’t take something from 2019. Yay. (I do have to start taking the metformin again but at half the dose and it still makes me gag, hurrah)

--- I don’t know, I’m just fucking tired. Like, yeah, lecture away about making poor food choices because who doesn’t like french fries and fried chicken  -- and I take responsibility for that -- but someone shouldn’t be shamed for seeking out help for a larger problem. 

Of course I’m not happy with myself right now. Of course I understand this can lead to problems down the road. But if this purely came down to poor eating choices, I wouldn’t have pants in storage that range 12 sizes because my choices are just 30% of the problem. I need help. And now I’m not sure I want to seek it out. 

PS- No solution to the birth control causes clotting problem, so fuck me I guess, hormonal imbalances are cool to live with but hey least we can fix the insulin problem -- assuming I ever feel like eating again because right now I feel sick to my stomach and it’s only been one day.

[vadgina-bush]

Stuff I know about diabetes mellitus... here goes...

I was only diagnosed with (type 1) diabetes last year, at age 24.  This meant I had to learn a whole new bunch of information.

As someone who loves yummy sweet things, the realization that there was almost no chance of me not having diabetes was obviously shocking, but more importantly it brought many thoughts to my mind.  Two that I want to identify are:

“No!  I can’t have diabetes!  That means no more yummy things!  My life is over!”

“So this is my punishment for my lack of self-control when it comes to sweet things.  Truly I live a life of regret.”

Those thoughts reflected my ignorance as someone who had not lived as a diabetic until that point.  Having had recently asked my father about diabetes, he had explained to me something about prediabetes, but most explanations were really difficult for me to grasp because, well, I’m kind of an idiot.

First I had to learn what diabetes even is and about the different types.

Since people commonly associate diabetes with a sugar overdose, I guess I can start with that.  Our bodies need energy to function and we get that energy (calories) from food.  That energy comes in three (3) categories:

carbohydrates - these are the sugary ones, can also be starchy/bready like in bread, noodles, or potatoes

proteins - you need these for muscles, that’s all I know, and you get ‘em from animal products but also from nuts and beans and I think soy, too

lipids - fat... need I say more?

The form in question here is carbohydrate.  I think this is the one that you want to have be your primary energy source, but I could be wrong.  I’m not well-versed regarding the details because I’m not a chemistry, but things happen in your body so now they call it glucose or something for some reason, and it’s hanging out in your blood vessels now, riding your blood cells like they’re some kind of vehicle.  In some situations, you can use it just like that, so like your brain will use the glucose that’s flowing through your blood as energy.

But I guess most other cells need permission to grab some from the bloodstream.  Enter insulin, a hormone.  You can think of hormones as orders, messages, or signals of the chemical variety.  Insulin is a hormone, or message, that tells your body’s cells to vore that glucose that’s riding your blood.  If there’s no insulin, your cells think, “Uh, what do I do...?”

And sometimes the cells get hard of hearing because they’re so desensitized to the message, kind of like how you’ll go deaf from too much loud noise, but I think a The Boy Who Cried Wolf analogy is also apt here.  But anyway, in that case, you need to make your message even louder, meaning you need to send more insulin for it to be received.  How much insulin you need to send in order for the message to go through is called insulin sensitivity, I think.

Where does insulin come from, though?  The pancreas, or as I like to call it, the panc.  You’ve got cells in your panc that have one job: to make insulin.  I always forget the details for this one, but I think they’re called beta cells or something along those lines.  So insulin comes from beta broadcasters in the panc.

Okay, back to sugary blood.  The concentration of glucose in your blood is called your blood sugar or blood glucose level.  When you’ve got too much hanging out in your blood, it’s called hyperglycemia and when you don’t have enough, it’s called hypoglycemia.  Hyper- means high, hypo- means low.  What idiot decided to make these antonymous prefixes sound so similar?

Diabetes is discovered when you have a high blood sugar, so hyperglycemia.  The reason or cause of this hyperglycemia can vary and here is where we get into the different types of diabetes mellitus:

Type 1 diabetes, also called juvenile diabetes because it’s usually discovered at younger ages, is characterized by a lack of insulin being produced, or insulin deficiency.  I think this one was discovered first and that’s why it’s called type 1.  This is usually an autoimmune disease, which is what they call it when your immune system attacks its own body that it is supposed to be protecting.  Yeah, it decides to set up a police state and commit genocide on your betas in your panc because, so they believe, your autoimmune police state has deemed your beta cells to be looking a little too similar to those virus invaders from a little while back.  I have this one.

Type 2 diabetes is when your panc’s okay but your cells have become insulin resistant, forcing your panc’s betas to work overtime.  This is the one you can get from eating too many sweets, but there are other risk factors including genetics and I personally don’t think it’s okay to shame people for it.  The effects can be reversed through hard work and dedication.  This is because insulin resistance can be changed depending on your lifestyle.  Exercise, for example, can increase insulin sensitivity.  Type 2 can change into type 1 but type 1 can’t change into type 2.  It’s like a Pokémon.

Gestational diabetes, as the name suggests, happens during pregnancy.  Maybe it’s because hormones get really weird during that process, maybe, so they think.  I like to think of that as being similar to a really busy period where everything's hectic and so there’s bound to be miscommunication or confusion here and there.  I think it goes away after you pop the baby out.  I don’t know much more about this one.

Treatments for these involve shooting up insulin or taking medications to stimulate your panc or something, as well as making certain lifestyle changes such as exercising more.  Checking blood glucose levels frequently is also necessary for monitoring.  Some people shank their fingers and bleed on a machine, others have a sensor implanted.  I wonder if using period blood will give an accurate blood sugar reading.

Type 2, I think, is supposed to take super ultra concentrated insulin since people who have type 2 can have a really high insulin resistance and can’t exactly afford to have a storage room for tubs and tanks of insulin.  Type 2 is the one with dietary restrictions, as they want to avoid increasing their insulin resistance.

Gestational also requires insulin injection as well as dietary changes, maybe.

Type 1 only has the option of taking insulin from an external source, be it through a pump or injection.  You can think of a pump as an external electronic panc and for some reason you can’t plug it into the wall to charge it like a laptop.  But, my fellow type 1 diabetics, don’t throw out your internal panc, for it still carries out other vital functions.  Type 1 diabetes doesn’t come with any dietary restrictions, but rather food must be measured for carbohydrate content and insulin is taken accordingly.

Because insulin is being externally regulated, there’s a risk of making a mistake and taking too much insulin, resulting in hypoglycemia, or insulin shock as it’s called in this sort of instance.

Um, okay, I think there’s more but I’ve been typing this out for hours so I’m tired and if I save this as a draft to work on later it’ll only sit in my drafts to collect cyber dust so I’m just going to post it.  But yeah, that’s basically most of what I’ve learned about diabetes.

[barbaricyawp]

christopher, i know traditionally a letter starts with dear but when i discovered that dear means you have some regard for someone it made me rethink it for certain people; you being one of those people. but you wanted to know how i feel and so i am point blank going to give it to you. i want to take you back to the divorce, when you would scream at alex and you and mom would have screaming matches downstairs. alex wasn't the only one who heard everything - i wasn't on the stairs so i didn't hear every little detail - but i've heard enough to know what happened and to harbor a lot of resentment for you for that alone. did you know that beating your child with a belt isn't normal disciplinary action for a child? i remember when i was four there were several times you'd hit me with a belt or a curtain rod. i only ever remember age four because it felt to me like the years all melded together, it was hell and walking on eggshells for a long time. i remember covering myself in my top bunk with stuffies and blankets so you wouldn't find me because - at age four - you had thrown me into a panic attack and i was hyperventilating and scared. i was terrified, sobbing, and unable to breathe and i remember i kept trying to push a pillow over my face to make myself stop breathing. at such a young age i had already developed some degree of anxiety because of you, the first of my mental illnesses. i don't know how it was decided that i was gonna be the girly child, i never actually cared for it. i wore dresses because they were laid out for me, i honestly don't know where it started and i guess i can't really put the blame on anyone but that did seriously mess me up as a kid. i knew i was a boy but there were some things i liked that were traditionally feminine and since i was born in a "female" body i was the girly girl. did you know gender is actually developed by your brain and determined by the way different parts of your brain interact? it is proven that trans men's brain patterns are closest to biological men's. that said my love for makeup and the like is still very much alive, i guess it's the fault of society's gendering. up until sixth grade i only really have memories in pieces. it turns out an eating disorder eats away at your memory too. i remember i saw a picture of myself in the school yearbook and i had a clip holding up my hair and a double chin and i was completely repulsed. that day i cried and cried and cried because i hated myself. this led to my second mental illness, depression. i remember feeling like hurting myself but not knowing how any of that worked so i went to my father and kept trying to tell him that something was wrong and i needed to see a doctor, you told me i was being overdramatic and that i was a hormonal teenager. so when i found pictures of people cutting and hanging themselves online and they said that made everything stop hurting i realized i could drag a pair of scissors across my wrists until they were dripping with blood and feel nothing. shortly after this i developed my third which was anorexia, i stopped eating and no one cared. i know no one did because no one pushed me to eat when i would decline because of my "prediabetic" status. everyone patted me on the back and told me i was doing good so i kept going. i exercised a minimum of eight hours a day, eating no more than ninety calories a day and running until i burnt over one thousand. then i went to cardio and i would only stop when my vision got so spotty that i couldn't see. this continued steadily and without much change until my eighth grade year. september 9, 2013 my long distance best friend of three years killed himself. we had started talking over similar interests over social media and eventually we ended up skyping almost every day. he was also my first love - first person i'd ever fallen in love with - so the loss left me broken hearted and hopeless. at this point it wasn't unusual for you to scream at me, just before this time you had screamed me into my first really bad blackout - meaning i got so upset that i was not aware of my surroundings or in control of my body - panic attack. you had said i was a burden, that injuries and sicknesses were my own fault, that i was shit, that i was worthless. i don't know how you justified these outbursts that you would have to yourself, did you really not think they would hurt your child - who looked up to you as their father? after tyler killed himself i figured i had nothing to lose and started cutting every day - having only ever done it once in a long while previously. one night it got particularly deep and i just wanted to jab the scissors deeper. i passed out on my bed and woke up the next morning covered in blood, i always wondered if you had not cared enough to notice or not cared enough to check on me for the course of that entire night. i started attempting my life regularly, sometimes with cutting, sometimes with pills, i even tried to smother myself when i was breaking down from your screaming yet again. i don't know how many times you'd scream at me, but it made me think littler and littler about myself. i remember once when i had gone in for a check up the nurse looked at you and said is this normal - having pulled up my sleeve and seen my forearms covered in cuts - and you just shrugged. i continued like this for a long time and kept looking for your approval and trying to give you chances to be my father again and you would scream at me and it would crush me. i remember each time you would scream at me vividly, but there are way too many times for me to account for - i simply refuse to waste that much time on you trying to make a point. all i can say is if someone has a stern tone with me i involuntarily burst into tears, if someone raises their voice my body throws itself into a panic attack, and i can't hear the word excuse without having a breakdown and at the very least bursting into tears. want to know why? you traumatized me, i have ptsd because of you. (i had previous suspicion, but was officially diagnosed by the therapist you had me see in my junior year, she told me it was a relatively extreme case.) it got to the point where i swallowed three bottles of pills and cut my wrists as deep as i could and passed out in my bed. this was about ninth grade and this is the year that i stopped loving you. even i had my doubts that i could just one day stop loving the man who shares half my dna, but then i discovered the reasoning behind using dear in a letter. dear is an adjective used for someone for whom you feel deep affection or regard, it can also refer to something expensive or precious. this made me realize that i no longer loved you, that i no longer feel anything for you. it used to be that i could not stand being kissed goodnight or touched by you in the slightest and now it just makes me uncomfortable because it feels as if a stranger is invading my personal space. you are not dear to me and you have not been for years, you've screamed me into multiple breakdowns/panic attacks and been an abusive father, verbally, emotionally, and mentally. now i have severe depression, severe anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and severe post traumatic stress disorder because of you. your "talks" still wake me up crying at night. if mom takes a sterner tone with me or someone says the word excuse to me i involuntarily start to cry. you severed our relationship by the way you treated me and i'm not sorry to say that there is no repairing it. as far as i'm concerned you have done too much damage. as far as i'm concerned you are not my father and i am not your son. i see gabby and sam going down the same road i've been on for so long, you've been breaking them down for a long time as you did with me. one can only take so much before it's enough and let me tell you it's pretty close with both of them. you need to clean up your act and be open to educating and getting yourself help because the way that you "parent" and "talk" to your children is not normal. initially i had to diagnose myself with all of my mental illness because you would not take me to a doctor and said it was "bullshit" and "fake" - that said i was formally diagnosed by professionals because self diagnosis are rarely taken seriously or medicated - i've educated myself extensively on mental illnesses and you definitely have at least one. from what i've seen you most definitely have either depression, bipolar disorder, or a mix of borderline personality disorder and either of the two. you need to actively get help if you care about the little that remain of your children - and by actively i mean actually trying and wanting to change and talking to a doctor or a therapist about all the things that go through your head and how you feel at every time during your day and actually trying and not blowing it off as bullshit and saying you're "fine". you're not "fine", you're so not "fine" that two children have severed ties with you, two children have self harmed because of you, two children have attempted their lives because of you. it may be due to mental illness (that i know you don't really believe in), but that does not "excuse" - even using it just then made me breakdown for twenty minutes do you see what your words can do - being abusive. part of mental illness is realizing you have a problem and realizing when you are being abusive so you can own up to it and stop being abusive. just because you are mentally ill does not mean that you can be abusive and get away with it, but if you admit to having a problem and seek help people are most often willing to forgive prior abuse. i, however, in this case am not. you have hurt me too much. again, as far as i'm concerned you are not my father and i am not your son, your sperm simply fertilized my mother's egg. now i know this might have you emotional, but there is one last thing you could do for me if you ever really cared about me. become aware of yourself. i know this isn't what you want to hear, but that does not mean you get to pick up my siblings from grandma's after work and scream at them. that is abusive. the way you are is abusive. you are an abusive father to the three children that you do have. i highly suggest that you seek help so you can stop abusing my siblings, because even if you are not my father they are my siblings. i may not love you but i love them, if you hurt them i will do everything in my power to help them even if it means they have to cut you out of their lives too. i guarantee if you don't get and actively seek out help you will lose the three children that you do still have. as far as i'm concerned i am not your child and do not expect nor want any gifts or money that you might want or feel the need to give during holidays. do not hug me or touch me without my permission and do not talk to me, to do otherwise would be a violation of my personal space and consent as it would be if any other stranger were to do the same. you may only contact me of things regarding my siblings because as far as i'm concerned they are the only reason we would ever need to have any contact. i do hope you seek help for the sake of your kids, christopher, you need to discover how to be a healthy parent to your children and if you choose to remain in denial or stuck in your ways you will lose them, not because of me or mom, but because you will push them too far. as far as i'm concerned, you are not my father and i am not your son. you have lost the right to be my father. goodbye. sincerely, Anders Todd