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hammerhead-jpg · 3 months ago

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I get in a mood sometimes

When I say cringe culture is dead and I'm cringe but I'm free I mean it

Not just liking anime, kandi and scene fashion, I mean all of it

If you're gonna say that cringe culture is dead it also applies to the beginer artists with bad anatomy and proportions, the furries, even the fat MHA cosplayers lip syncing "this is my todoroki"

Because back in 2018 or so during the sans fan girl era I was too much of a smartass kid to enjoy it for the camp goodness it was and instead had to be all fangirlmania "heh...you can't kill people over the internet 🤓"

Like I'm not joking when I say that the stars had to align for the sans fan girl craze to happen. If we actually exist in a multiverse where there are an infinite amount of universes then this is either a canon event or it only happened in this universe and no else

Like how do you explain that around 2018 a bunch of girls ages 8-13 made videos on YouTube roleplaying as their usually furry oc/persona(?), usually with flipaclip or a movie maker slideshow, declaring that a character from the game Undertale is their boyfriend AND husband, and that said character is so heavily removed from his source and his own personality that he might not even be there and- get this -they would make videos roleplaying and drawing out the (sometimes kidnapping and) murder of other sans fangirls because they were stealing sans away from them? And the declared "bad" fangirls eventually grew up into normal people while the "good" fangirls turned out to be horrible weirdos???

I can't describe to you how much I wish it was still socially acceptable to create a killing video of a person you're having internet beef with. Like imagine you're like "why are you talking about the vega ba, aren't you a mineral?" And then you're tagged in a video of their persona kidnapping, torturing and killing you?? I mean you'd probably be disturbed and think it's some sort of death threat but they win the argument instantly!

(btw if you have no context of this I know "killing videos" might sound very troubling but I promise they were kinda badly made and silly and no one really took them seriously, like if you look them up you'll know what I mean I swear they didn't have the same vibe of someone telling you how they're gonna kill you in your Instagram dms I swear)

You might be saying "okay I get it mr hammerhead you're nostalgic but even if you look at it from the lense of fun camp random videos made by 8 year olds aren't that entertaining"

And you're right, most of them aren't really

But there was this one person.

And their channel is still up, but I don't want to say their username cuz I don't know if this would be considered good or bad rep?

Anyways this person started off like any other sans fangirl at the time

Flipaclip curcle tool lil drawings, "hello my name is ___ and sans is my boyfriend and well if you take him away... you're gonna have a bad time"

They made regular killing videos where their character would kill other sans fangirls

But overtime things changed

The production quality because better and the stories became elaborate

Now, they were only killing out of necessity

They felt ashamed at their past self for going onto murderous rampages, but now, they had to kill to protect themselves or the people they cared about

It had lore it had drama, it was literally nothing like I've ever seen before

And it had actual Undertale lore in it?? Like it wasn't just sans floating there aimlessly there were other characters from the game??

And guess what, one time, one of the people they made a killing video about incorporated the lore from that video into their oc story and they became friends?!?! Bro how cool is that???

And the person basically allows and even incourages people to make killing videos with their oc?? Honestly me too if you have beef with me man up and make a killing video about me I'm waiting

And yeah, it wasn't some masterpiece that rivals the classics but who would think that killing videos about sans fangirls could be this emersive??

Do you know how badly I wish I was a part of that during that time???

And then history repeated in 2021

You see, ever since watching my hero academia during the 2020 quarantine I was into making ocs for it

And it became a big thing for me too, I made so many of them, and I kept making new ones and then scrapping them because I wanted to make newer ones but didn't want to have a bijillion of them cuz I thought saying "yeah I have like 35 mha ocs" would be cringe

Like it was my big obsession before I got into redacted (besides like, the actual mha show, class1b and monoshin)

I kinda lost interest in them some time ago but I think mha ending and the new season kinda resparked that interest because I'm actually redesigning them right now and thinking about revisiting their stories!

But at that time, there was and still is a community of mha oc artists on Instagram.

I made a ton of memories in that community and I could talk about it for who knows how long but I'm not here to talk about it

The thing is, I judged "mary sue" type ocs so hard.

I wasn't a complete asshole don't worry, I knew not to go to their pages and send hate or even unwanted criticism towards them, and I wasn't the type to say that every character that had a strong power was a mary sue or that every character that has a sad backstory was a mary sue, I was approaching my bitterness from a writing perspective

And I don't think that was that bad. I just had a gripe with certain tropes and as long as I wasn't being hateful towards the people that displayed them then that's really not an issue.

The thing is: I love "Mary sue" ocs now

I can't help but look at my 2021 self like the comments on an old Solar Sands video about rewieving ocs

"hurk...erm... Am I the only one that has a STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUAL oc who is HUMAN, has ALIVE, LOVING parents and NATURALLY COLORED hair with NO scars, NO heterochromia and NO powers 🤓🤓🤓🤓"

Yes and you're extremely boring for it!

Like I can't help but find the "well written" MHA ocs kinda boring now. I want the "Mary sue" mha oc who has 50 different quirks, was adopted by aizawa and is in love with bakugo.

I never stopped to think that a "Mary Sue" oc is a product of a person prioritizing having fun and creating an oc that they find cool rather than worrying about if the constructive criticism youtube channel would think their oc is good enough!!

And yes, saying that I enjoy those ocs unironically and not just as fun camp wouldn't really be the whole truth, I'm not gonna "Mary Sue"-ify all my ocs now, but they still bring me joy in the way regular old mha ocs haven't in some time!!

But the thing is, there are barely any anymore!! The ones I knew either disappeared into thin air or redesigned their oc to be more "well written"

Just like making killing videos is no longer socially acceptable and that sans fangirl channel deleted most of their videos, there are no more fun "Mary sue" mha ocs and I was too worried about what was "not cringe" to enjoy them!!

In this essay I will

#yes these are how my personas actually looked during those times #the way these drawings aren't even far off from what they looked like is a bit sad #the way drawing that default furry cat head is still muscle memory to me is also a lil sad #kids remember to enjoy camp while it lasts instead of being an i_am_duckhead clone going around trying to ratio everybody #shitpist

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jichanxo · 6 months ago

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and now i can ask about the difference between animation and writing for you :D aside the obvious things, and since it's a sequence of events/actions/a story and going back to senseific: are there any parts there that you feel you'd have an easier time drawing/animating vs expressing it with words? and is there anything particular you were/are tempted to visualise in an artform (but haven't)?

more long answers below!

animation is certainly a special medium because you not only have way more control over how your audience experiences it (audio, pacing, etc) but you have to pay the cost of it being way more time and effort. so the most distinctive part of making my last project was that i had to stretch my resources as hard as i could. in other words, you can do a lot more! (/pos) but oh god, you HAVE TO DO A LOT MORE (/neg).

you kind of have to compromise somewhere -- your time, the quality of your work, your vision, your motivation. i know i'm inexperienced and that my motivation would give out, so my plan had to be practical. 30 seconds is a long span of time to fill.

i used colour to set the mood -- quick and low effort i used only lines, didn't colour anything in -- saving me time the movement is minimal -- i knew i couldn't do a lot at once, so i had to focus my efforts --

the shot of the eyes moving and of the kiss have the most movement, but are also the most sparse shots, allowing me to focus on getting the movement of this one thing right, without distraction

i create interest in other sections through contrasting shots, rather than using movement -- kuwana and yagami in bed together, then him alone -- the meaning is conveyed through the sequence, rather than any movement, and the music helps make the progression feel natural. following the beat, yknow

i also had to accept that the quality of my work was going to vary, and some of the illustrations would look good and others would just have to be serviceable, or it would never get done

and of course, my own experience -- i know the basics of csp's animation tools, but i don't know enough to make my life easy, you know? i was fighting the program, doing things inefficiently.

i had to think about how i was organising my layers/folders, i had to grab the audio and trim it and make sure it sounded right and... blah blah blah. you see what i mean, right? the format itself has so much potential, being able to create meaning through movement and contrasting shots and audio is great, but it's so strenuous (and i am not used to it) (not to gloat about how wow i did this and it was soooooo hard, nah, but this is what it was like for me at the novice level so like. for more involved work, just imagine... just imagine...) (or better yet, imagine with an example. you'd probably get more interesting answers about animation from @/phantasy14 than me)

by contrast, one of the best things about writing is that, at its core, you can just... open a document and type. not to downplay the effort that writers take, and yeah part of it is that my fanfic writing is Not That Complicated, but in the end... words are free, you know? i don't have to worry about straining my wrist, or if this would look better with an extra frame here or over here, what function i should be using in my program... i can kind of just get to the heart of the matter. i guess i kind of said something similar in the last post as well -- that writing makes it easier to dig into details and context, and the same applies here. since Words Are Free, you can really dig into the meat as much as you'd like. in a process like animation, any decision could add hours or days to your workload, so you have to be absolutely certain that the decision is worth it. this conflict between the artist's idea and the effort is a very defining difference in the mediums, i think.

so, aside from Fighting The Art Process, i suppose i should talk about why this idea ended up being an animatic instead of say, writing. first of all, the song, ofc -- it was the whole inspo, and it's nice to work with it directly. secondly, i think, is because i was trying to convey an emotion more than anything. this is where that ambiguity/detail difference between mediums comes in. i'm portraying yagami missing kuwana, and just that alone. i'm not trying to explain what he's thinking specifically, or why, or even the exact nature of their relationship before all this. what i'm conveying is i miss you. and the most direct, most blunt way to express this is to contrast being together with being apart. to fixate on the features of the other person so to depict a yearning for them. the ending contrasts a remembered(/imagined? you decide) smiling kuwana against kuwana walking away, of him leaving.

you were here (smiling, with me) + you left = i miss you

it just makes sense. writing this would have necessitated detail, would have necessitated more context, and muddied the feeling which is conveyed so concisely through the video instead. look at how i've written yagami missing kuwana so many goddamn times. it takes so many more words, it forces you to hold onto something more concrete like thoughts and events in order to convey the emotion, instead of depicting it on its own. so yeah, the ambiguity of illustration combined with the contrast achieved via sequence, these were necessary to convey this feeling as directly as possible. i also just think it feels more elegant. there's room for the audience to breathe and really feel the difference between kuwana being there and kuwana being gone. the imagery is blunt but the feeling itself surprisingly isn't... at least imo. it just wouldn't feel the same written, would it? i hope that answers your question.

anyway onto the next part... senseific <3

it's good that you named that as a specific example because i never thought about it, but now that you mention it there are absolutely some parts i would probably have an easier time drawing than writing

your honour..... (with a massive sigh) THE FIRST KISS SCENE. HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME. FOR MONTHSSSSSS. it's. sigh. well where do i start with this one... the thing that makes this difficult for me is that it's very much a "wow this is a bad idea but we're doing it anyway" kind of kiss, right? and like. because they shouldn't be doing it, it's been troubling me all this time if their trains of thoughts even make sense. i don't want to force it, but it's difficult to direct things into that direction when i know that they know they probably shouldn't be doing it... i have revised it and i think it reads kind of alright now? but i'm still worried about it...

and this. would be great. for illustration. i wouldn't have to explain shit, i just have to make sure i convey an atmosphere that lends itself for them to make this dumb decision. that's not to say that i wouldn't care if it didn't make sense, of course not, but if it was a visual format, i could just let the atmosphere speak for itself, you know... they're alone together, they'd both been drinking a few hours ago, kitakata comes close, and though yagami sees it coming he doesn't seem to stop him... and it just. there it is. it's happened. no need to say anything, just let the atmosphere and the audience's imagination do the work. the lack of detail in the medium would work in my favour. no issue.

the other one that comes to mind is a scene where kitakata and yagami smoke on the roof together. it's a similar situation where ambiguity would play better for the scene. there comes a point where the conversation stops between them and it just kind of sits. it feels really clumsy having to explain in words that this is one of the first few peaceful moments between them, that yagami doesn't mind being around him for once. this would be better expressed with just visual space. letting the audience feel that peace, that quiet moment between them. i'd draw them apart, so you can see the visual distance between them, and yet they're together, and they're quiet and maybe just maybe they could become closer, could choose to spend time around each other without getting on each other's nerves... or at least that would be the implication. it's much cleaner than having to spell it out in writing.

oh! and i remember i was tempted to draw kitakata's messy desk at some point. that one's easier depicted with words but i just think it could be fun.

AND IF I MAY BE SELF INDULGENT AND BRING UP "are you seeing anyone?" AGAIN..... that gag. just that gag and nothing else around it. i mean. now that i think about it, it's kind of joke-comic-y.... but the joke itself relies on a bunch of stuff beforehand... perhaps not...

a group photo would be nice too... a club photo perhaps... get everyone in there. just some mundane snapshots of everyone in their daily lives... hell, i could even throw sawa in there! i definitely should do that!

and something sexy... i should draw something sexy with kitakata and yagami...

i ought to add some of these to my mental list of things to draw...

#jitxt #kitakata sensei #now that i think about it. i wonder how animation compares to something like. fancams and video editing #cause they're like cousins. both video format #but one forces you to work with existing material (restrictive) and the other forces you to MAKE all your material (strenuous asf)#restrictive in different directions if you will #anyway i was hoping to throw some of my animation wips into this post but they ended up not being that relevant lol #i didn't go TOO hard into detail as to my process so. maybe another time #i mostly just find it interesting how my first draft looks compared to the final thing #i kind of dread looking at the first kiss scene bc i still feel like i'm overexplaining everything and that it STILL doesn't make sense 😭#i have got to stop bringing up “are you seeing anyone” because it'll raise everyone's expectations too high #but. i said i liked it didn't i? lol #it's just one joke but i dunno i like it #not elaborating on the 'something sexy' to keep this post sfw but i have a vague idea

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jayflrt · 7 months ago

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Ok I’m going on anon because I’m pretty supportive on SMAU posts and I have been reading awhile. The author of that post talks about specifically Asian women, however in my time reading fic across multiple kpop and pop culture fandoms,I have seen white, black, latinx, desi, east/west asian face claims (yay diversity I guess?) though specifically east asian women are used as face claims more in kpop fics (not always though, I have seen the whole spectrum). I think you’re right that using someone’s face is a little touchy. And yes. For kids—minors in general—that’s a full on no. You can post a pic of baby shoes or something. There are plenty of free/no copyright/fair use photos online of like a smaller kid hand holding and bigger hand or something like that where it’s an image intended for use in multiple ways and no one’s identity is compromised.

I know a lot of kpop fics and other genres use either female kpop idols or actresses as their face claim as well. I kinda feel like that’s maybe less problematic? (Especially since we are already using the male kpop idols as face claims and name claims for what are technically our OCs) Those are public figures and their images are publicly shared to promote content and content creation. I guess I’m saying an author could always use like one of the NewJeans girls as a face claim. I mean if I was writing a SMAU about Karina then maybe I would use Sunghoon or Hee as a face claim (no idol shipping for me—strictly face claim). So I guess I’m saying if an author is wanting to use a face then…maybe just use another idol? Or an actress? Though some people make the same argument about influencers. That they can use their images because they are also posted online for a large audience? I personally don’t know where the line is (except with kid’s faces—that’s a clear no) and since I don’t write SMAU… But if I did… I would probably use a kpop idol or an actress as my face claim—IF I even chose to have one. (I know some people get really touchy about face claims in general though because…I mean no matter who your face claim is—even if it’s a pic of YOU the author—putting a specific face and a body to yn is less ‘reader insert’ for some readers. I mean it has never bothered me one bit, even in writing if there are distinctive features described—to me it’s just a story—but some people do get truly upset.)

i'm the author of that post just to clarify!! i just screenshot that from my twitter, but that's very true there's definitely more diversity in the face claims people use out there, i just think east asian face claims are more widely used in kpop and anime spaces maybe 🤧 diversity rep is great i just wish we could move towards more faceless ones?? idk just publicly posting people's faces in certain contexts just feels a little like an invasion of privacy but i'm sure people feel different ways toward that

and i agree in the context of smaus i think it makes more sense to use an idol/celebrity as a face claim !! i sort of see face claims as like casting someone in a role, so it makes more sense to use actors/idols who are already in the spotlight and have their pictures spread on the internet because their career depends on exposure and publicity (unless of course said actor/idol has stated that they don't want their face being used for such things). i was referring to a different sort of fic actually (not smaus) but yeah smaus could be a gray area too and i feel like the same rules should apply. i've read plenty of twitter social media aus where no selfies/pictures are used at all even from the idol and they've been some the best smaus i've read

children/babies are a hard no for me :( there's just so many ways to go about it without inserting a child's face,, so i rlly don't get it !! oh yes i've never exactly cared about how a reader insert looks because i always just imagine a character anyways but the privacy issue of whoever's the face claim is my main concern with it 🧎‍♀️

#💌 : love notes #anon

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cathartes-aura-shitposting · 1 year ago

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TRANSFORGEES: the world of transformation (Literally) pt 2

(NOTE: description copy-pasted from DA where i normally post my works. any context that is missing here on tumblr can be found on my DA [linked here and on pinned post] )

TW: this contantions mentions of zoosadism, beastiality, drug abuse, etc. reader's digression is advised.

[no image for this one. this second part will (finally) talk about trasnforgees themselves, because for some stoopid reason i decided that that's how is with this piece]

______

So…now we’re at part 2 of the whole tranforgee stuff, this time actually talking about tranforgees themselves….which i should’ve done first buuuut whatever i guess…

Anyways, let’s finish off this rambling incoherent mess of a pseudo intellectual thingy i’ve started.

WHAT IS A TRANFORGEE (again, but more defined)?

For the sake of laziness, let me just copy what i said about them on the first part:

“Tranforgees (Portmanteau of “transform” and “refugees”) are people who were once something else, but has since been changes into something different (ie human turned animal)”

Generally speaking, there are a few qualifying factors that make a tranforgee a tranforgee: -have never changed form beforehand

-have difficulty with their transformation(s)

-are completely new to transformation in general

However, anybody with transformation issues that walk into the centers are considered tranforgees by default.

Transforgees are split into two distinct groups:

-SHIFTER TRANFORGEES

Shapeshifters and sizeshifter (collectively known as Shifters) can and have always been a type of tranforgee. The same resources that help non-shifter tranforgees can also help shifters too. Shifters (on argonus at least) are categorized into three main groups:

1-free shifters: shifters that can change at free will. One of the most common types of shifters.

2-trigger shifters: shifters that have a TF trigger, but otherwise are capable of free-shifting. More common in size-shifters, but can be found in any shifters

3-restricted shifters: shifters that need a trigger to transform. This is most common with shapeshifters, and especially lycanthropes.

Of course there are many more that exist between these three spots, but this is just a general way of classifying them. Shifters can, indeed, be tranforgees. Most of the time, they are new to their abilities and need help on controlling and managing them. Some were born with these abilities, others were recently given to them. Either way, most if not all tranforgee centers have resources for helping shifters.

-NON-SHIFTER

Non-shifters tranforgees are, as you expect, non-shifter who transform. There are many, many underlying reasons as to how somebody transforms into something else, as well as ways they are helped/restored (something we will get into here in a bit). While many come in simply just for being transformed, there are a wide array of other reasons as well.

There really isn't too much I could say here without getting into some of the other stuff I had listed, so I guess we move on.

WHAT KINDS OF TRANSFORMATIONS EXIST

(aka ruining people’s TF mood)

Because i have standards when it comes to TF stuff and apply that to whatever world i make. Yes, while there’s a wide array of what kinds of thing people transform into, there are somethings that are naturally impossible, or have a sort of limit of what is done.

-THINGS THAT TRANFORGEES CAN TURN INTO:

-most if not all tetrapods: generally speaking, any form of animal-like life is fair game in the world of transformation. However, tetrapods are by far the most common as they’re the ones that require the least amount of “plot armor” (as i put it) aka modification to make it work. This can include many thing, of which includes (but no completely limited to) some of the following:

-normal earth animals (dogs, racoons, mongooses, ect)

-other earth-like animals (argonian lifeforms, for example)

-fictional creatures (pokemon and other media-based monsters)

-mythological creatures (dragons, griffons, unicorns, ect)

-alien creatures (though this could be rare)

-anthropomorphic/living “Inanimate” objects: sometimes, being strictly a living creature isnt enough, and thus living versions of seemingly inanimate objects are also pretty common, especially with some large levels of anthropomorphism. These inanimate object are more than likely things that already bear resemblance to living organisms, whether by intentions or not. Some of the stuff includes (But not limited to) the following:

-pool-toy/inflatables (most common types on animate-inanimate objects)

-plushies and other stuffed animals (second to most common, nearly as much as pooltoys)

-toys in general (doll, figurines, ect)

-certain vehicles (aircraft are by far the most common vehicles due to their shape)

-robotic beings.

-statues, sculptures and figurines

-THINGS THAT TRANFORGEES CAN'T TURN INTO ( + WITH LIMITS)

-Totally inanimate objects: it is near-impossible to transform somebody into something that is completely lifeless and inanimate. Even when nearly-inmate, the tranforgee can still talk, and therefore is still alive.

-characters: of course actually turning into said character/individual is most often a coincidence, as a result of the whole omniverse thing and whatnot. However, truly turning into said character in both body and mind can be difficult, thus in-character psychosis comes in. in-character psychosis (In-Char-P) is where the user believes they are said character, and often have been changed into something that, while not exactly said character, does only further push them into said belief. They also don't remember anything that happens in the real world, leading some to give it the nickname “fantasyland comas”. Common examples of In-Char-P would include the following:

-turning into an equestrian [race of sapient ponies] and thinking you’re an MLP character

-turning into a cat and thinking you belong to thunderclan as the clan leader

-being gender-bent and tricked into thinking you’re a famous model

Of course this is me trying my best to convey what I'm saying. To an extent, this could also cover tranforgees who fully have animalistic behaviors, however that’s considered its own separate thing. The reasons for this psychosis can vary; sometimes it’s truly part of their transformation, other times it was inflicted onto them after the transformation. It can be secondary to the transformation (as of course TFs can screw with your mental health), yet it’s not unheard of for many to act out as a character as a means of coping.

-plants & plant-like life: technically belonging to inanimate objects, they only get their own spot because plants are living things (and many plant-like organisms are derived from animals i.e. anemones and sponges). Just like with inanimate object, they still are able to talk and communicate, even if fully changed into a plant. However, plant tranforgees do often come in the form of plant-like animal creatures, such as certain fantasy/mythical animals and pokemon.

-Food/drinks: the only thing which never happens in the realm of transformation; unless you’re talking about organism that are used to make food (i.e. livestock like cows and chicken), food and drinks like cake and soda are the one thing that only exist in the world of fantasy and In-Char-psychosis.

HOW AND WHY TRANFORGEES EXIST

Because, in the world of transformation, one doesnt just simple “change” into something else; there’s often some kind of reason as to why/how it has happened. Most tranforgee centers will be able to try and figure that out with their tranforgees, as depending on the cause they may be able to revert the tranforgee back to their original state, or at the very least aid in treatment. There are many, many causes, some more direct than other. Listed here are just some of the most common causes:

-various types/forms of drugs

Transformation-based drugs (TFBs) are perhaps one of the most common ways people had transformed and became tranforgees. They commonly take the form of oral or intravenus, though if there’s a way any normal drugs can get into the body, there exists a TFB that uses the exact same method. Half the time somebody was drugged with a TFB, however other times the tranforgee themselves are the drug-user themselves.

For the latter half, All Tranforgee centers have a form of drug-rehabilitation, some having full-on rehab centers of their own depending on the nearby population and the amount of drug issues going on. Because, much like their non-transformation counterpart, there’s alot more going on beyond simple drug use.

Thankfully, alot of these drugs have some form of reversal, typically in the form of, ironically, another drug/medication specifically used for such reasons

-illnesses/diseases

Another form of direct cause is in the form of more medical things like illnesses, diseases, ect. When it comes to the transformation-based diseases (TFDs), anything contagious only infects those from their strain of universe (Though commonly it only affect it’s singular specific universe). One of the most well-known of these diseases is LTMV, of which goes by the common name “viral lycanthropy”. This is the most prolific of TFDs, mainly because if one universe has it, their entire strain are vulnerable to it as well.

Much like with the former, much these are either curable or at the very least treatable. It heavily depends on the condition and what could be done.

-societal/personal/ect.-type issues.

Because, of course, there do exist indirect causes, and plenty of them. Most of the time the people purposefully transform themselves with some end goal in mind, of which can vary. Such reasons can include the following:

-pushing certain messages:

while not as common as one may think, its no surprise that many individuals purposefully changes themselves to push certain messages, or proving a point. Not surprisingly, many who have done such thing are usually part of activist/extremist group/cults, commonly that of animal rights activism.

However, not all of these activist are aware of what they’re doing; certain group take advantage of these activist’s need for validation/attention, and often trick them into changing themselves into animals so that they could use the tranforgees for their own nefarious and malicious purposes.

[tumblr edit: one of the most infamous of these groups on argous specifically are "The White Rabbits", a sadistic zoosadist cult that disguises itself as animal rights group; complete with intentionally harming/killing animals and passing it off as "insider footage" or a public demonstration. and yes, transforgees are not excluded, and in some cases are often preferred. very dark shit here.]

-false hopes & cures:

another reason for purposeful transformation is the false idea that the transformation will fix/cure all of their ailments/problems in life. Granted, this isn't a completely one-sided issue; there have been times where the transformation and their new forms have actually helped them achieve their needs and goals in life. However, they’re often few and far between; rarely does it ever work out the way they want it to, and oftentimes it doesn't change anything, if not make it worse for the tranforgee. And, just like real life, people can and do take advantage of others' desperation and scam them of both money and body.

-attention/gratifications:

directly connected to the previous two, the need for instant gratification and attention can be just as big of a reason as the others here. As a matter of fact, some people say that attention/gratification is a drug more potent than anything else on the market.

However, it isn't just the tranforgees that were the attention seekers, either. It is also the people responsible for their transformation that, too, sought out the attention they desire, though this is less common.

TREATING/HELPING TRANFORGEES

(beyond tranforgee centers)

Because at the very least there has to be a way to help a tranforgee. Anyways, there are countless way to help a tranforgee.

Now, in terms of general treatment, there are many things that clinics will go after first. Some of which includes the following:

-character removal:

for in-character psychosis, if the tranforgee’s In-Char-P was, indeed, part of their transformation, then there exist a vast majority of reversal medication to try and bring the victim out of it. HOWEVER, it has to be administered very slowly, allowing the tranforgee to slowly come to and reducing the chances of the freaking out or, worse, going into shock.

Most tranforgee who end up “back to homeworld” often suffer some degree of amnesia when it comes remembering their time as the certain character, though many do vividly remember the important details.

-Hormonal treatment:

Sometimes people are unlucky, and they turn into a milk/egg-producing animal, of which is constantly producing eggs/milk. Granted, a lot of tranforgee have been known to take advantage of this and sell their homemade goods, but not everyone is comfortable enough to sell their eggs (even if unfertilized like many of these cases are). That where hormonal treatments come in: to slow and/or stop the tranforgees egg/dairy production.

This may also extend to TG cases, in which the person wants to try and turn back into their original gender (provided a reversal is not available to them).

[tumblr edit: on the topic of TG, there does exist transformation therapy, where the only transformation is just the gender and gender alone. it is often used in cases where the TG'd in question wants to be changed back into their original gender. when it comes to purposefully transitioning, it's availability and cost widely depends on region and laws. yes, transgenderism and it's "controversies" are still a huge issue on modern-day argonus, and in spite of transformation therapy being the safest and easiest way to transition (not to mention it's easy revertability if it ever comes down to it), many places are still adminant on not employing it. no surprise, these places are very anti-trans and hostile towards the trans community, and there are plenty of conspiracy theories about why they don't allow it]

-making them safer:

a common issue with treating/housing tranforgees is that sometimes the person in question is a creature of which poses a threat to itself and others. Many tranforgees have opted to try and make themselves less dangerous. Such examples could include the following:

-de-venoming/neutralizing: people do transform into venous/poisonous animals, and in order to make them safer for everybody, they of course try neutralizing the poisons/toxins. Yes, one does not need to be defanged or have their poison glands be surgically removed; most if not all tranfogee center have a form of procedure in which the venom/poison glands slowly on their own start to produce less and less toxic substances, until it ceases production completely.

-deweaponization: technically includes devenoming, this more or less encompases any sort of body part in which can cause serious harm to things, such as big claws, huge fangs or deadly thagomizers. This, however, is more of a case-by-case treatment; many tranforgees dont need those things removed, and simply need to learn how to be safe with them.

-shift-stunting: given to shifters (Primarily sizeshifter) who’s size range is too big/small to be considered safe for themselves/others. In this case, the range is “stunted”, making it less extreme than it normally is. Much like the former, whether this is temporary or permanent is a case-by-case thing depending on the actual size range. Usually it’s only temporary when the size range is small enough to contain, but large enough to still cause issues.

-reversal methods:

With so many things that cause transformation, there are bound to be reversal methods to restore tranforgees back to their original state. This is by no means a guarantee; but, if there's any way to try and revert them, it can and will be employed if needed. such examples include:

-complete reversal: completely changing tranforgees back to what they were before. This reversal method can only work on a specific set of causes, primarily with drugs and other physical items. Some types of complete reversals work on a slightly bigger range than others.

-semi-reversal: only partially restoring their form (and size), IE becoming an anthro version of what they turned into. This reversal method is the most common, as it works on a much, much wider array of causes. It is often given to tranforgees that changed into a physically-limiting form (ie slugs, inanimate but sentient items, sometimes ungulates, ect).

Secondary transformation: simply transforming the tranforgee into something “better”. This is only ever given if the former two don't work; in this case, they purposefully transform their tranforgee into something that workable for them, sometimes the same species they were before (but not what they exactly were before).

-therapy:

Therapy is a requirement in the first month a tranforgee is in the clinic. After all, they want to make sure they’re mentally ok. However, there are some specific kinds of therapy out there:

Animal work therapy: with certain domestic animal tranforgees like horses, dogs and cattle, animal work therapy is somewhat exactly what it sounds like; giving the tranforgee jobs and activities that their animal counterparts would do (Draft, guardian, messaging, ect) in and around the tranforgee centers/townships. Obviously these are optional to everyone, not every tranforgee wants to be doing what is considered as “an animal’s job”. But, many do as it gives them an activity to keep them busy. Some tranfrogees get lucky and end up actually getting paid to do said jobs.

Box therapy: a thing primarily for shifters, especially those who have significantly larger forms. As the name would suggest, the shifters are given cardboard boxes to “outgrow” and basically destroy. Granted, this is a more mild form of another method…

Destruction pocket dimension: something of which is exclusively meant for shifter of radical different sizes, and especially massive ones. The pukanis have made pocket dimensions before, a dimension that’s very small (compared to real dimensions), often as big as a large park or city, and is designed specifically to be destroyed. These pocket dimensions do not have any form of life apart from plants like trees, and after every use they are reseted. As for why do some tranforgee centers have such a thing? Well, sometimes people want to destroy stuff to vent out anger and whatnot, yet dont want to actually harm anyone/anything. These pocket dimensions are also used to help said shifters learn how to be careful when at such sizes.

MISC TRIVIA AND FACTS

Yay! My favorite part as i can list things off! So here are some other misc facts that i have about tranforgees:

-auras:

All tranforgees possess an invisible “aura” which basically says “hey, I was a human before!”. This is most commonly “seen” by animals, of which will mostly still see the tranforgee as “human”, and thus for the most part will still act like they were still human. It had to be a really screwed up animal (probably taught by a really screwed up owner) to try and hunt/kill tranforgees, or even way worse….

Many tranforgee centers have machinery that read off these auras, and no surprise, those who have morphic recognition are also able to read off these auras. However, obviously you also need a DNA test and some other tests to really be sure they’re a tranforgee.

Side notes about tranforgee-animal interactions:

-tranforgee can only have babies with another compatible tranforgee. Don't ask why I even have to clarify this, I just don't like the certain TF trope that led me to say this.

-tranforgees cannot talk to non-tranforgee animals. That is a common myth spread around the tranforgee community as well as outside of it.

-“inflatable no scary”

Because the balloon boy hoax incident scarred me for life and now I'm gonna ruin (?) inflatable tfs for yall.

helium doesn't make you helplessly float up into the sky. Helium, instead, actually acts much like a fish’s swim bladder, allowing the user to “fly” freely through the air, as well as being able to land back to the ground. No, it doesn't make your voice squeaky, at least when inflated with it. I’ll probably also expand on “Living pool toys” and similar things sometime later.

-diet:

A fun fact about tranforgees: their digestive system is fully capable of ingesting both their original diet and their new form’s diet, with such example being a human-to-deer tranforgee being able to eat normal human foods as well as plants that are normally inedible to humans (But completely safe to deer).

However, many often eat whatever their new species eats for a variety of reasons, with one of the most common reasons being the inability to actually process certain foods because their mouths/teeths/jaws don't allow it (ie can't eat chewy stake if you’re a filter-feeding flamingo). There’s also the existential issue, that is being an animal that people commonly eat like cows, pigs, chicken, ect., and thus losing your apited for such forms of meat.

-speech:

Generally speaking, many tranforgees can still talk like they normally would otherwise, as well as making the typical noises from whatever creature they’ve became as well. However, sometimes tranforgee have been known to be mute, and are incapable of speech. The muteness can be to varying degrees, time lengths, and treatability. Sometimes it’s only temporary and eventually goes away, other times it’s permanent and they need a translator.

The causes, no surprise vary between being yet another part of the transformation to something more mental/psychological.

-lifespan

Last one here: contrary to popular myth, much like their diet their lifespan is the same as they were before, sometimes longer provided their new species has a longer lifespan that the former one. So no, opossum tranforgees can still live a long, human lifespan.

Anything new that I have for them will pop up in other posts, as per usual.

#worldbuilding #worldbuilder #transformation #animal tf #planet argonus #argonus #speculative fiction #unfiction #shapeshifter #shapeshifting #sizeshifter

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itsnothingofinterest · 2 years ago

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with all the talk about the humanity of villains and free will and stuff, I got curious.. what's your opinion on Dark Shadow from mha smash 84 and the way Tokoyami views his quirk?

idk if it counts as canon because smash is mostly comedic but I think it's an interesting concept.

I didn't know Dark Shadow was a girl. Wait, does DS identify by a gender or was that just the effect of the plot device quirk used on them? Questions we may never get answered I guess. (Just be be safe, I'll default to they/them for this post.)

Oh right, the actual question, um...

Honestly I don't know; because I'm not sure what Dark Shadow actually is so I don't know how to compare that to how Tokoyami treats them (which is like an animal sidekick that must be disciplined to work with him). I mean, they're a quirk, an existence tied to Tokoyami's personality; but what does that mean for them. Do we consider Dark Shadow their own person with thoughts and feelings? A familiar akin to a talking pet like the Smash comic describes? Another personality in Tokoyami, or even just a manifestation of his (repressed?) thoughts and feelings manifesting through this extra appendage?

Any of those answers puts Tokoyami's treatment of Dark Shadow into a different context; and without knowing which context to apply, I'm not sure how to comment on their relationship. I guess if Tokoyami's description is right then his treatment is...fair enough...maybe?

I don't know. My only real takeaway is that Tokoyami should consider experimenting with his gender at some point because there just might be some things there for him to figure out.

#ask & reply #bnha #bnha smash #tokoyami fumigake #quirk analysis #class 1a

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elendiliel · 2 years ago

Text

Far From Home

Like most or all of my Transformers fics, and more than usual, this story and some of the worldbuilding in it were inspired (to put it mildly) by @justawannabearchaeologist's "TFP Wheeljack in TFA" series. I highly recommend it, if it still exists. (Tumblr is claiming that the blog doesn't; is this so, or have I been blocked?)

For a bit of context, Glitch is my Animated OC, a newly qualified field-tech who joined Team Detroit as Ratchet's apprentice shortly after the events of "Endgame". This fic is set in Season 3 of Prime, in the time-skip between "Plus One" and "Thirst", and is the beginning of a series that will eventually tackle the events of the rest of the show. Or, at least, that's the plan.

---

“This is definitely not Detroit.”

Not unless the rougher-than-usual space-bridge crossing Glitch had just endured had completely scrambled her sensors, and a quick self-diagnostic soon disproved that hypothesis. The barren, rocky landscape around her was real, then, and certainly not where she had expected to end up.

She was on Earth, at least – probably. Right sun; right gravitational field strength; almost the right atmosphere. The levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants were a shade higher than expected, but not a match for any other planet in her database. She couldn’t seem to connect to the Internet or any other comm network, but out in the middle of nowhere that wasn’t too strange. The only hint of civilisation was the faint sound of some sort of mining operation, just the other side of a rock formation. She headed towards it, hoping to discover exactly where she was.

Unfortunately, the people she found knew what she was, the moment they laid optics on her, and she knew roughly what they were. Strange-looking Cybertronians, perhaps a dozen of them, all with identical purple frames, red optics and the Deceptibrand embossed on their chestplates. And all heavily armed and clearly under orders to shoot Autobots on sight.

Not good. Glitch made it to the shelter of an outcropping of rock just in time, for once thankful for her small stature, but it wouldn’t last. She was outnumbered and outgunned, unable to call for reinforcements, and couldn’t outrun a blaster bolt; she’d have to fight her way out. Her magnets and EMP generator slid into place almost without her thinking about it. They weren’t supposed to be combat mods, but she didn’t have much choice.

The nanoklik her cover crumbled under the enemy’s fire, she brought her magnets into play, forming a makeshift shield as she aimed her EMP generator at the nearest Decepticon. It should have knocked him out painlessly, but for some reason the adverb didn’t apply in that case. The ‘Con collapsed all right, but his scream of agony as the EMP hit him tore at her spark, and her shield nearly faltered as she recoiled from the ‘bot she had accidentally hurt. But there was no time to apologise. As her EMP generator slid back into her arm, a brief, practised magnetic pulse brought her shield mod – which usually covered her left rear hubcap – up to her arm, freeing her magnets for more offensive uses.

Keep moving. Keep them guessing and off-balance. Use every advantage you have – your size, your speed, your mods, your alt-mode, the terrain. Glitch drew on every piece of advice any of her teachers had given her as she fought to stay alive and whole against oversized ‘Cons doing their best to take her offline. At least they seemed to be even less prepared for her… unique… combat style than most of her previous opponents, and while their blasters were powerful, it was quite easy for her to redirect them away from her, and sometimes towards other mechs. She was starting to think she might get away without a scratch when one Decepticon called for reinforcements, and less than a cycle later a strange green portal opened in the air behind her attackers. Even stranger were the reinforcements themselves, ‘bots with insect alt-modes – stag beetles? Jackhammers? Not techno-organic, as far as Glitch could tell; they were pure circuitry, and loud. So noisy, in fact, that as she quelled the desire to cover her audials and braced herself for a fresh assault, she didn’t hear her reinforcements arriving.

***

As Optimus Prime stepped through the groundbridge, Ultra Magnus hard on his rear tyres, one of the last things he expected to see was a lone Autobot just about holding their own against a pack of Vehicons soon to be joined by Insecticons. Especially such a strange Autobot – a bronze-plated, two-wheeled femme even smaller than Arcee, with dark blue eyes and a simpler construction than any Cybertronian Optimus – or, according to the Matrix, any previous Prime – had ever known. Instead of blasters or blades, she was using what appeared to be a pair of miniature polarity gauntlets built into her arms to manipulate parts of her opponents’ frames, and a shield to block any incoming fire she could not dodge or deflect. She also made good use of her fists and feet, and of her Earth vehicle mode – how had she already acquired one? – but had been badly outnumbered even before the Insecticons arrived. He and Ultra Magnus were only just in time. The two senior Autobots barely needed to exchange a glance before charging into the fray, weapons already blazing. Wherever the tiny ‘bot had come from, she needed their help.

They really were just in time. Even as Optimus drew level with the femme, something seemed to short out in her right-hand magnet, clearly not for the first time. With a sigh and a murmur of, “Not again,” she retracted the useless device and transformed her hand into a laser scalpel, before darting forward to strike at the leg of an approaching Vehicon, severing an Energon line. For some reason, the sight of the spilled fuel caused her to shrink back, a look of horror and apology on her face – which did nothing to protect her from the mech she had just angered. Fortunately for her, Optimus’ cannon served that purpose by dispatching the Decepticon.

The Prime barely heard the young ‘bot thanking him over the war-cry of the Insecticons. He and Ultra Magnus took aim at the approaching swarm, but the femme only watched the fliers with a calculating expression, her peculiar eyes flickering, for a few seconds. Without warning, she shifted into her alt-mode – an old-fashioned motorcycle – and drove straight towards, then up, the next-nearest Vehicon, before transforming and jumping from his shoulder to the back of an Insecticon. Her laser scalpel made short work of the beetle-‘bot’s wings; as he began to fall, she was already in the air, ready to repeat her tactics on the rest of the Insecticons and one or two Vehicon fliers that had joined them. The falling and grounded Decepticons were much easier targets for Optimus and Ultra Magnus; within minutes, the three Autobots were the only ones left standing.

“Good work, soldier,” Ultra Magnus commented, “but some warning would have been appreciated.”

“There wasn’t time,” the newcomer shot back. Her voice was quiet and gentle, soft and silvery, but Optimus could hear steel in it as well. “And I’m no soldier.”

“What is your name, Autobot?” Optimus hastened to head off an argument he did not need to be a Prime to predict.

“Glitch. This may be a silly question, but just where are we?” The fembot also seemed keen to avoid certain conversations, at least for the time being, and clearly had not recognised Optimus or Ultra Magnus.

“In the state of Nevada, in the United States of America, on the planet Earth, if any of that holds meaning for you.”

It did. “Right planet, right country, wrong state – that’s fixable. What year is it?” Optimus saw Ultra Magnus’ optic-brows rise, but kept his own face neutral. Even he had long since lost track of the Cybertronian calendar, but the human one might well mean something to Glitch. “2013, common era.”

“About a century too early, but I can work with that. Sorry, I should have asked before – who are you?”

“I am Optimus Prime. This is Ultra Magnus.” Glitch’s eyes widened in shock. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me! I’m not just in the wrong state and the wrong century – I’m in the wrong flipping reality!”

“What makes you say that?” Ultra Magnus enquired, half-distracted by the Predacon thighbone the Vehicons must have just uncovered when Glitch interrupted them.

“I know the Optimus Prime in my reality, and I know of the Ultra Magnus. There’s a resemblance, but you two aren’t they, if that makes any sense. Something must have gone wrong with the space-bridge.” That did make a strange kind of sense to Optimus, given her odd design – even her Autobrand looked more like a decal than his embossed badge – and way of transforming, her choice of weapons and her reaction to spilling Energon. But he was still more than a little alarmed when his eyes fell on a sparking wound to her hip joint. Sparking, not bleeding.

She followed the direction of his gaze, but seemed more annoyed than worried. “Blast. One of the stormtroopers must have clipped me. I didn’t even notice it. Shouldn’t take more than fifty nanokliks to fix.” Her eyes returned to his face briefly, but did not appear to read it correctly. “It’s fine. I’m a field-tech. I can handle my own repairs.” She suited her actions to her words, using the same tools she had previously deployed as weapons with a far more delicate touch.

“That was not-,” Optimus decided not to explain. Ratchet could do so more effectively, back at Hangar E. Ultra Magnus had already called for a groundbridge; it opened beside Optimus, and he followed the others into it just as another one brought yet more Decepticons to investigate the battleground.

***

Glitch supposed that day could get weirder, but it was hard to see how. She had already ended up in a different universe, with Decepticons that bled instead of sparking, Autobots taller than Bulkhead, insect-‘Cons and space-bridges – and “ground bridges” – that could open anywhere, not just at other nexi. At least some things remained constant. Such as the look on the face of the red-and-white mech with a sparkbeat pattern on each arm standing at what she assumed were the groundbridge controls when she arrived in what appeared to be a repurposed aircraft hangar. That had to be the other Ratchet.

“Another new Autobot?” Glitch knew her own Ratchet well enough to be able to tell that that one wasn’t as annoyed as he seemed. “I hope this one is less trouble than Smokescreen.”

“I heard that!” called a blue, yellow and white ‘bot working at a terminal halfway down the room.

“Good!” probably-Ratchet shot back, before turning back to his likely commander.

“This is Glitch,” Optimus Prime informed the hangar’s other occupants – Ratchet, Smokescreen, four other ‘bots including a probable Bulkhead, a maybe-Bumblebee and a possible Wheeljack and five humans, one adult of each gender, a boy and a girl around Sari’s apparent age and a younger boy. “She claims to be from another reality, and I believe her.”

Any response Ratchet might have made was forestalled by the human girl, who clearly wasn’t going to let anybot – or any other human – get a word in edgewise. “Awesome! Nice to meet you, Glitch. I’m Miko. Are you really from another universe? How’d you get here? Are you sticking around? Do you have a vehicle mode yet? How many blasters are you packing? How’d you get that scar on your chest?”

“Miko, that’s enough!” the green mech who looked a lot like Bulkhead said, but Glitch didn’t really mind. She was hopeless at starting conversations, anyway. “Konichiwa, Miko-san.” Miko was clearly Japanese by blood, and judging by her accent probably by birth as well, but her English was flawless and Glitch didn’t want to shut the others out, so she switched back to their common language as she knelt down and did her best to meet the girl’s opt- eyes. “To answer your questions in order, yes, as far as I can tell, space-bridge malfunction, if you’ll have me, yes, a motorcycle, none, and a Decepticon ambush.”

“Impressive,” Smokescreen remarked. “Not many of us can keep up with Miko in rapid-fire mode.”

“I’ve had practice,” Glitch told him. “Compared to an intel-bot I know back home, that was slow.”

“Now that’s a frightening concept.” The only ‘bot Glitch couldn’t match to anybot she knew, a blue two-wheeler with pink accents who also happened to be the only other femme in the room, had come forward, taking over from the other Prime and Magnus, who seemed preoccupied with the bone the latter had brought back. “I’m Arcee, by the way. The big green guy is Bulkhead, the black and yellow ‘bot is Bumblebee, that’s Wheeljack over there, the grumpy doctor is Ratchet, and the other humans are Agent Fowler, June, Jack and Raf.” Each person waved as they were introduced. “And I’d say you’re welcome to stay for as long as you need. Seriously, though – no blasters?”

“Where I come from, only Decepticons have them. We rely on other powers and mods. Besides, I’m a field-tech – a medibot,” Glitch added when Arcee looked blank. “I’m supposed to save lives, not take them.”

“Doesn’t stop the Doctor of Doom over there,” Arcee said, indicating Ratchet with what Glitch hoped was a just-kidding expression.

“I heard that.” Ratchet didn’t seem to be too offended by the nickname. “Well, we could certainly do with another medic around here, but if you’re staying I’d like to get a few scans of your biology, in case it’s different from ours.”

Glitch already knew it was – that ‘Con had been bleeding, not sparking – so let Ratchet lead her to the area he had evidently staked out as a med-bay, and held still while he ran his tests, though she was itching to know what that reality’s Cybertronians were like.

“Fascinating.” Ratchet’s optics lit up as he studied the scan results, in a way her Ratchet’s seldom, if ever, did, as Glitch sat up and perched herself on the side of the repair table. “You have relatively little Energon actually flowing through your lines, and much more electrical current. And motor oil, for some strange reason.”

“It’s easier to find on Earth than Energon. I take it you have more circulating Energon and less current?” That explained not only the bleeding Decepticon, but Prime’s reaction to her injury.

“That’s correct. Your Energon is also significantly different from ours, and at a guess much less volatile. I don’t suppose you brought any with you?” There were layers to that question, and Glitch couldn’t see them all.

“A couple of cubes, in my repair kit. Enough for two weeks if I’m careful; by then, if I haven’t figured out how to synthesise it I’ll have to try yours or make do with oil.”

“You could synthesise your Energon?” Again, there were more layers there than the younger medibot could read, so she only answered the top one.

“Possibly. I’ve worked with it before, developing a hyper-stabilised form for use as field rations, but nobot’s really studied the area to my knowledge. The farms produce enough for the whole planet and off-world teams like mine, just about. In fact, I was supposed to be escorting a batch to Detroit from Cybertron when I ended up here. The Energon made it through, but I didn’t.”

Ratchet had been about to ask about Energon farms, Glitch thought, but that question was overtaken by another. “Your Cybertron’s alive?”

“It’s populated, if that’s what you mean – a planet-sized mess, but we muddle along.” Too late, she realised what that question implied about Ratchet’s Cybertron, and her servo flew to her speech synthesiser. “Oh, stars…”

“You weren’t to know. The war between Autobots and Decepticons poisoned our planet’s core, turned it dark, aeons ago. I take it that didn’t happen in your reality.”

She shook her head. “The Great War ended two million stellar-cycles ago, before I came online, with an Autobot victory. And the Allspark War was over so quickly, I don’t think most of Cybertron really knew it was happening. Just that a Decepticon double agent had attacked Ultra Magnus and the ‘Cons were getting restless in exile, until Optimus and his team turned up with a captured Megatron in tow and the Allspark Matrix. Much to our esteemed acting Magnus’ displeasure, I’ve no doubt.”

“I take it “Magnus” means something different to you. Here, it’s just part of Ultra Magnus’ name.” That wasn’t really a surprise, given the way that Ultra Magnus seemed to defer to that Optimus Prime – as did everybot, Glitch thought.

“The Magnus is the commander of the Elite Guard and one of the leaders of Cybertron. The leader, in practice. Technically, it’s still Ultra, but while he’s on spark support thanks to Shockwave, his second-in-command Sentinel Prime has taken over. Insists on being called Sentinel Magnus, and far more trappings of office than any previous Magnus.”

“I take it you don’t like him much.”

“I most certainly don’t. He was Bumblebee’s, Bulkhead’s and my drill sergeant back in boot camp, and a pretty terrible one. Rank and responsibility have not improved him.”

“Medics have to go through boot camp on your Cybertron? I’m beginning to see why you called it a mess.”

“Anybot who wants to be more than a refinery worker or similar does, whether they aim to join the Elite Guard, be a field-tech like me, become a space-bridge technician like my Bulkhead,” that raised Ratchet’s optic-brows, “or do anything else. And yes, that’s one of the worst parts of the system.”

“Why do you call yourself a field-tech, rather than a medic or a doctor?” Ratchet seemed to be choosing a safe subject that wouldn’t cause him to go off on a rant. Probably.

“Two reasons. One, that’s all I can call myself, because that’s what I’m qualified to be. Two, it’s all I want to be. Field-techs serve with off-world teams in peacetime, and on the front lines in wartime. The bravest of us all.” Glitch grinned up at Ratchet. “Including your alternate self. He’s a hero of the Great War, not that he’d call himself that, and still on duty as Team Detroit’s senior medibot. And my mentor, which is literally a dream come true.” Her optics fell to the yellow and black band of paint around her right wrist. “Stars, and he doesn’t know where I am. Nor do any of my team.” She’d been too busy adjusting to think about the ‘bots and half-‘bots she’d left behind.

“We’ll get you back,” Arcee said beside her, making her fellow fembot jump. “Sooner or later, if they don’t manage it first. In the meantime, would it help if you told me about them?”

***

“It might be easier to show you,” Glitch replied, already powering up a basic datapad set into her right arm. Arcee could tell that the tiny two-wheeler was suddenly, badly homesick, but hopefully for her team and their base, not her Cybertron. She had caught the tail-end of the medics’ conversation, and did not like what she had heard. Glitch’s Cybertron sounded a lot like the little Arcee knew of hers before the war into which she had been protoformed. A world nobody, not even the ‘Cons, ever wanted to bring back in its entirety.

The picture that flashed up on Glitch’s datapad, though, was familiar in a very good way. It was a group image of eight ‘bots and two humans, all smiling broadly and toasting the camera with mugs of something. At least, Arcee thought there were eight ‘bots and two humans, but on closer inspection she saw that one of the humans – the girl around Jack and Miko’s age – had Cybertronian optics instead of eyes, and one of the ‘bots – the tallest of the three femmes – seemed to have parts of a giant spider integrated into her design, causing Arcee to suppress a shiver. It isn’t her. It can’t be.

She focused on the other ‘bots. Glitch was instantly recognisable, still the smallest full Cybertronian there, but not by as much as she was in Arcee’s universe. (Scrap, she was a full metre and a half shorter than ‘Cee herself.) Some of the others could be identified by their colour schemes, identical to those of their counterparts. “Bulkhead, Bumblebee – is he your partner?” In more ways than one, or would be in the future, Arcee was sure; the two young ‘bots were holding hands in the image, and Glitch wore her Bumblebee’s colours around her wrist. She decided to leave the issue for another day. “Optimus, Ratchet – who’s that?”

“The other you, believe it or not.” Arcee didn’t at first. “She’s… pink.”

“And a Great War veteran who favours laser swords, and apparently is very good with them. They were meant to be laser pointers, as she’s a teacher now, but Ratchet got carried away.” Arcee noted the body languages of her counterpart and Ratchet’s, and chose not to go there. “Is that Smokescreen?” The next mech’s colour scheme looked rather like the rookie’s original one.

Glitch shook her head. “Jazz. Cyber-ninja, defector from the Elite Guard, generally good news – if you’re not fighting him. And that’s Elita.” She indicated the half-spider.

“Elita-One?” Ratchet was looking over Glitch’s shoulder – not that that was hard for him.

“Not any more. Long story, and not mine to tell, but it’s connected to her being a techno-organic – and to Optimus commanding a maintenance crew instead of the Elite Guard.”

“Seriously?” Ratchet and Arcee asked together.

“Seriously. That’s what my Cybertron is like. If you don’t stay in your lane, if you’re not a good little cog in the machine, you’re nothing. Hopefully that’ll change, now that a team of washouts have done what the Elite Guard couldn’t and actually captured Megatron.” Arcee and Ratchet both flinched at her description of her society, and Arcee at least caught herself wondering how the rest of the team had ended up as “washouts”.

“Who are the humans?” she enquired, suddenly desperate to change the subject.

“Sari and Isaac Sumdac. Sari’s not exactly human; she’s a techno-organic, created when a Cybertronian protoform scanned Isaac’s DNA. We’re still working out how that happened. But she’s someone you want in your corner, with or without the Allspark Key she used to have, or the upgrades it gave her after she found out what she was. Threw a couple of Constructicons out of the base all by herself, pre-upgrades.” Arcee liked the sound of the kid already, but made a mental note to keep her away from Miko at all costs.

She half-expected Ratchet to ask for more details about Sari’s biology, but the medic was looking at the image of the other Optimus. “He looks… young. You all do – except the other me, of course.” Arcee had only seen that expression on the old ‘bot’s face when he was talking about the time before the war, and especially about Orion Pax, before he was Optimus Prime.

“He is, and we are. Ratchet, Jazz and Arcee are the only ones who remember the Great War. Relatively speaking, my Prime isn’t that much older than I am, but he’s still one of the best commanders for whom I could have hoped.” Some things don’t change, Arcee thought. Even for that miniature medibot so very far from home – who was welcome to some of Arcee’s, for as long as she needed it.

#transformers animated #transformers prime #fanfic #autobot oc #tfp optimus prime #tfp ratchet #tfp arcee #misplaced medic au

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jules-van-hering · 2 years ago

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I was tagged by the lovely @nxposure and actually liked most of the 17 questions that were asked, so let's go! (And thank you, Mof!)

Nickname: Bean, but only one person is allowed to call me by that term of endearment and it's so fucking weird when she calls me by my real name that I immediately get anxious. In another context I have recently been called Bubbles a lot, referring to the powerpuff girl, and I love my Buttercup and Blossom so much. We're fighting the good fight together ✊🏼

Sign: cancer sun, virgo moon, sagittarius rising. Looked that up for funsies once, but don't think about it a lot.

Height: 174cm. No clue what that is in feet.

Last thing I googled: the university degree that I would like to apply for and start next year. It's a psychology program with a focus on society which is exactly the shit I love and also great for wanting to work in political education and campaigning.

Song stuck in my head:

The gay lampshade cowboy gets stuck in my head a lot. I love the pathos, I love the queerness, I love his voice.

Number of followers: 220 apparently. Two more would be a nice milestone :D

Amount of sleep: Seven hours I guess, but it wasn't really refreshing as I fell asleep after crying a lot and then woke up with a headache of course.

Lucky number: Four. It's been my favourite ever since I was little. I was born on a forth and my name starts with the same letter as the number (in my native tongue at least). Two excellent arguments as a kid.

Wearing: layers! Two pairs of socks, a coat, all the shebang. It's snowing!

Movies/books that summarize me: Michael Ende's Momo. It's an awesome children's book that can basically be handed out as anti-capitalist propaganda. My copy always lays beside my bed.

Favourite song:

I can't even put into words what this songs means to me. This is one of my forever favourites and it also is a litmus test for my mental health. When I can't bring myself to sing along with Nina anymore, then I must be doing really bad.

Favourite instrument: the saxophone. In my teens I played the alto-sax and now it's collecting dust in a corner of my room. But you just gotta love the sax's unmatched versatility: it can make you dance, it can make you cry, it can make you horny, the full range of human emotions.

Asthetic: comfy, casual, bright smiles. Quite classic and basic, I guess. Sometimes with a maritime or botanical touch if that makes sense.

Favourite author: I really like Carlos Ruiz Zafón's writing style. Also Naomi Alderman.

Favourite animal noise: the cawing of the crows that we regularly feed peanuts out of our window. It's them telling us we're here and we're hungry and obviously we run at their command

Random: my nails are currently painted black with a glitter top coat. Buttercup brought all his polishes and wanted me to try. Looks cool, but doesn't feel like me, as I usually only wear red

I would like to tag only @tambourineophelia @jentlemansreturn @sweetbibabe and am wishing I could tag Siavash. Instead I'll just think fondly of him and the Iranian revolutionaries and wish for their freedom and wellbeing ❤️

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vees-strangeworld-omniverse · 1 year ago

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TRANSFORGEES: the world of transformation (Literally) pt 2

(NOTE: description copy-pasted from DA where i normally post my works. any context that is missing here on tumblr can be found on my DA [linked here and on pinned post] )

TW: this contantions mentions of zoosadism, beastiality, drug abuse, etc. reader's digression is advised.

[no image for this one. this second part will (finally) talk about trasnforgees themselves, because for some stoopid reason i decided that that's how is with this piece]

______

So…now we’re at part 2 of the whole tranforgee stuff, this time actually talking about tranforgees themselves….which i should’ve done first buuuut whatever i guess…

Anyways, let’s finish off this rambling incoherent mess of a pseudo intellectual thingy i’ve started.

WHAT IS A TRANFORGEE (again, but more defined)?

For the sake of laziness, let me just copy what i said about them on the first part:

“Tranforgees (Portmanteau of “transform” and “refugees”) are people who were once something else, but has since been changes into something different (ie human turned animal)”

Generally speaking, there are a few qualifying factors that make a tranforgee a tranforgee: -have never changed form beforehand

-have difficulty with their transformation(s)

-are completely new to transformation in general

However, anybody with transformation issues that walk into the centers are considered tranforgees by default.

Transforgees are split into two distinct groups:

-SHIFTER TRANFORGEES

1-free shifters: shifters that can change at free will. One of the most common types of shifters.

2-trigger shifters: shifters that have a TF trigger, but otherwise are capable of free-shifting. More common in size-shifters, but can be found in any shifters

3-restricted shifters: shifters that need a trigger to transform. This is most common with shapeshifters, and especially lycanthropes.

-NON-SHIFTER

There really isn't too much I could say here without getting into some of the other stuff I had listed, so I guess we move on.

WHAT KINDS OF TRANSFORMATIONS EXIST

(aka ruining people’s TF mood)

-THINGS THAT TRANFORGEES CAN TURN INTO:

-normal earth animals (dogs, racoons, mongooses, ect)

-other earth-like animals (argonian lifeforms, for example)

-fictional creatures (pokemon and other media-based monsters)

-mythological creatures (dragons, griffons, unicorns, ect)

-alien creatures (though this could be rare)

-pool-toy/inflatables (most common types on animate-inanimate objects)

-plushies and other stuffed animals (second to most common, nearly as much as pooltoys)

-toys in general (doll, figurines, ect)

-certain vehicles (aircraft are by far the most common vehicles due to their shape)

-robotic beings.

-statues, sculptures and figurines

-THINGS THAT TRANFORGEES CAN'T TURN INTO ( + WITH LIMITS)

-turning into an equestrian [race of sapient ponies] and thinking you’re an MLP character

-turning into a cat and thinking you belong to thunderclan as the clan leader

-being gender-bent and tricked into thinking you’re a famous model

HOW AND WHY TRANFORGEES EXIST

-various types/forms of drugs

Thankfully, alot of these drugs have some form of reversal, typically in the form of, ironically, another drug/medication specifically used for such reasons

-illnesses/diseases

Much like with the former, much these are either curable or at the very least treatable. It heavily depends on the condition and what could be done.

-societal/personal/ect.-type issues.

-pushing certain messages:

-false hopes & cures:

-attention/gratifications:

TREATING/HELPING TRANFORGEES

(beyond tranforgee centers)

Because at the very least there has to be a way to help a tranforgee. Anyways, there are countless way to help a tranforgee.

Now, in terms of general treatment, there are many things that clinics will go after first. Some of which includes the following:

-character removal:

-Hormonal treatment:

This may also extend to TG cases, in which the person wants to try and turn back into their original gender (provided a reversal is not available to them).

-making them safer:

-reversal methods:

-therapy:

Therapy is a requirement in the first month a tranforgee is in the clinic. After all, they want to make sure they’re mentally ok. However, there are some specific kinds of therapy out there:

MISC TRIVIA AND FACTS

Yay! My favorite part as i can list things off! So here are some other misc facts that i have about tranforgees:

-auras:

Side notes about tranforgee-animal interactions:

-tranforgee can only have babies with another compatible tranforgee. Don't ask why I even have to clarify this, I just don't like the certain TF trope that led me to say this.

-tranforgees cannot talk to non-tranforgee animals. That is a common myth spread around the tranforgee community as well as outside of it.

-“inflatable no scary”

Because the balloon boy hoax incident scarred me for life and now I'm gonna ruin (?) inflatable tfs for yall.

-diet:

-speech:

The causes, no surprise vary between being yet another part of the transformation to something more mental/psychological.

-lifespan

Anything new that I have for them will pop up in other posts, as per usual.

#argonus #planet argonus #transformation #shapeshifter #shifter #shapeshifting #size shifter #worldbuilding #worldbuilder

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rigelmejo · 2 years ago

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some little things on the topic of learning chinese:

feel free to start trying to watch shows early, especially if the genre is romance/slice of life (easiest vocabulary as it will match HSK more), or if its a genre of cdrama you’ve already watched a lot of before learning (I always watched case-solving supernatural/crime dramas so I knew a lot more words from those types of shows already, same will apply to whatever genres you watch more). Another easy genre is action heavy, not because you’ll know the words necessarily (i certainly didnt in Xin Xiao Shi Yi Lang or Handsome Siblings lol) but because context in action dramas is way more obvious. If someone shouts something its often a verb (kick him/kill her/he has the X!/he ran!) which makes learning new verbs or items from context easier since people usually DO the action or pick up the object in these kinds of shows. By early, i mean like month 3, month 5, month 10 early. And if you already are watching with english subs, at first you can just try spotting chinese words in the dual subtitles (since most cdramas are hard subbed) and looking up new words as you’re curious (you’ll learn “xiao xin, meiguanshi, meishi, zou le!, ta si le!” pretty fast if you watch a case show/action) and/or trying to guess which chinese words correspond to the english subs sometimes. Then as you do that a bit, trying out only chinese subs once in a while. (I could watch shows and follow the main plot way earlier than I expected to, the hardest part was just building up the stamina to tolerate the ambiguous parts, I remember watching Granting You A Dreamlike Life about 6 months into studying and watching 14 eps then finally I just ‘had’ stamina and watching stuff in chinese only got dramatically easier).

feel free to practice reading with songs at first! lots of chinese lyric videos with hanzi and pinyin on youtube, and with just hanzi, all good chances to practice reading while listening to stuff you like and maybe picking up lyrics you wanted to sing along to anyway. The bonus of singing is not worrying about tones as much, and if you get the ‘tone police’ thoughts in your head when recognizing hanzi they might go off a little less with songs ToT. I used to do this with Guardian for fun, and when I got The Untamed and The Lost Tomb Reboot osts I’d read along to the hanzi lyrics in their booklets as I listened. I found lyric to text just a bit less daunting than audiobooks to text lol.

there’s a lot of animated manhua nowadays on bilibili, feel free to check those out early on. They have the benefit of being a bit easier to read like manhua, along with having audio to help you sometimes if you know some words better by sound than writing. Or if vice versa you recognize some hanzi but can’t remember their pronunciation.

feel free to watch dramas from various areas early on, if you want to be somewhat familiar with different pronunciations. in particular, watching some taiwan dramas and some chinese dramas, if you want to get used to the different pronunciations early on (and if you want to eventually be familiar with traditional and simplified hanzi its a good way to see some common words in both forms in hard subs in shows). Watching some dramas that do the -er change to words more often also helps with getting familiar with how words sound when that’s done a lot versus less, like Detective L does it a lot and The Heiress does too.

#rant #i think me watching so much taiwan stuff early on helped a Lot with me noticing that particular accent #and the changes. so that i can 1 hear it in certain actors #and 2 know what the common words sound like very well in taiwan accent #im a bit less familiar with some accents i hear in stuff like Fearless Whisper #but i know i've heard it a few times because im getting used to recognizing it fairly well

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wrenhyperfixates · 3 years ago

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Loki Series Thoughts—Glorious Purpose

Ok, I’m always nervous about posting my thoughts, but here we go. Spoilers ahead of course!!! (Disclaimer: Any gifs or images are not mine.)

Let’s start out with the episode’s name: Glorious Purpose. I know some people were a bit miffed about the emphasis put on the line, but I actually thought it worked well. It’s not so much that Loki actually believes in this “purpose,” but rather he is clinging to what he’s been told his purpose is. And by the end of the episode, he’s finally working through some of the things he’s been hurt by, abandoning what he’s been forced into and ready to be who he wants. Granted, it’s still going to take some time for him to come to grips with all that has happened, but I’m excited to see the journey.

The TVA. They undeniably suck. Whether or not it will be addressed directly, they are the (or one of the) antagonists in the show. What they are doing is, frankly, tyrannical. Three “time keepers” have taken it upon themselves to force countless versions of time and people into one single stream. And you know what? They can’t control that timeline. Not like they want to. As much as Loki’s line about “the weak” applies to himself, it applies to the TVA, too. It’s a facade of control that they cling to; if they truly had the right, the ability, to control time, everyone would follow their path. There would be no variants. Now, I could write a whole separate analysis on the MCU’s explanation of time travel. It’s convoluted and in a large way doesn’t make sense.

I’d like to talk about Loki’s characterization. I am, in a word, relieved. From the trailers, Tom seemed to be over-acting, something rather strange for someone so good at conveying deep emotions through nuanced actions. Now I believe any exaggerated lines from the trailers are just Loki trying to separate himself from who he’s been told he is, and trying to reinvent himself. I don’t think that’s a bad thing either; they’re not rewriting Loki, he’s just growing in a new way. And though this way is “new” I think it will be similar to what we’ve seen before. From what we’ve seen so far, there is good continuity, and they are addressing things about Loki that should be addressed in canon.

Loki projects. Most notably in the Avengers, but also a bit in Thor 1 and The Dark World, a lot of Loki’s lines can be applied to himself, though he is talking generally or towards another group. What comes to mind is actually something he touches upon again in the series. The illusion of freedom. And though it is not said that line in particular is him thinking of himself, it can be inferred based on his admission that the line in the gifs above apply to him. Also that little gesture when he says “weak” breaks me. He’s hurting so much.

Loki is not a villain. He may think he’s one because everyone else is telling him that, yet we’re already seeing it brought up that it’s not true. I can only hope that we’ll see Loki state this himself later in the series. He was largely forced to do what he did. It is not his fault, so how can he be a villain?

Loki cares. Tom’s acting is just *chef’s kiss* Seeing his mother’s death hurts so much. I love that his first response is denial. Loki is thrown into something he’s never known about before, being shown things that, to his knowledge, have never happened. But then when he’s had a few seconds to wander around the TVA on his own terms, he’s more come to grips with all that’s going on. So, when he’s by himself and see’s Frigga lying there, dead, it gets to him. Then seeing Odin still call him his son, he feels the slightest glimmer of hope, but also regret; he already knows in the back of his mind that he’s not actually going to get that. Loki’s living from second to second, trying to hold on. He probably thinks this ends with his death. (I do have issues with that Odin scene in context of Ragnarok but that’s more a tangential aside, so I’ll gloss over it for now.) Then seeing Thor and himself acting like brothers again is heartwarming. So just when he’s feeling uplifted, Thanos comes into the picture. He realizes how much control the titan still had over his life; he never really escaped. And in the end, Thanos made good on his promise. And that is terrifying! And he laughs at it. It’s a sad sort of laugh, one that’s slightly crazed. Loki feels that no matter what he does, it ends in pain. By the end of seeing all that, he is a man broken. Rather, more broken than he already was.

Loki is struggling. That’s nothing profound; it’s obvious. But where it really stands out to me is actually in a part I originally thought to be out of character. I am referring to “What if I was a robot and I didn’t know it.” Upon closer inspection, I realize it’s actually that his perception of himself has been so thrown that he really isn’t sure about his own chemical makeup anymore. Odin and Frigga keeping from him that he’s a frost giant made him so unsure of himself, he thought he might not even be a living being.

Nervous tics. Was I the only one noticing his leg bouncing when he talked to Mobius? And what about that scene when he’s sitting on the steps? He begins to pick at his hands. Note, that’s something he did in T1 after finding out he was a frost giant and while confessing to the Warriors Four about how he was the one who told the guard of their trip to Jotunheim. Just a little detail I really appreciated. (If anyone has gifs of any of these things, feel free to share :)

Mobius. I’ll be honest, I’m a bit undecided. I’m hesitant to say he’s evil. After all, we haven’t seen that much of him yet. However, I will say he is unscrupulous and manipulative. His questions weren’t to help Loki work through his trauma. Mobius was trying to goad him into helping, and likely was trying to gauge how much this Loki is like the variant he’s tracking. When Loki makes any admission of his feelings, it’s something he already knew, not a conclusion Mobius helped him reach. Mobius mocks him a bit and pushes his buttons because he sees Loki as a means to an end, and wants to know how easily he can get him to work with him. And what strikes me is how similar Mobius’s deal is to Thor’s deal in TDW. Thor doesn’t offer Loki freedom, he offers revenge. Mobius’s deal is just another variation of this. He can’t offer “salvation” but he can offer something “better”. Working for the TVA really isn’t better, though. So what does he mean? Well, I think he means a chance for Loki to prove he’s a hero. I hope as the show progresses it’s addressed that Loki doesn’t have to prove himself to anyone. That’s what he’s been doing his whole life, but I want Loki to see for himself that he doesn’t have to.

Miss Minutes. Propaganda. Plain and simple, it’s propaganda. Besides the way it praises the “time keepers” as amazing saviors, necessary to keep the world in order, it’s essentially saying “don’t think for yourself.” The whole point of the video is “the time keepers are great. The TVA is flawless. Trust us to decide everything. You have no autonomy in the world we want, so surrender your free will. Submit to the system we’ve decided is perfect and everything will be just fine.” Of course, by “just fine” they mean the variant will be pruned and the timeline will keep going as the time keepers see fit. The animation style was great though! It really fit.

The infinity stones. I think their inclusion makes sense. If you remember from Endgame, the stones being in the right place in the right time keeps the timeline from branching, and thus prevents the multiverse from being created. Likely, the time keepers used the stones to make their “sacred timeline.” Naturally, any variant time stones would cause a problem. That’s why they have so many extras. But think about how pointless so much of what happened seems. Nat, Gamora, Vision, Tony, everyone who was snapped, everyone who was left. So, literally the entire universe was flipped upside down for paperweights. It really puts Thanos’s pursuit of the stones into perspective, doesn’t it?

The cloaked figure. I think there’s some misdirection going on here in one way or another. Mobius says he’s chasing a Loki variant, then immediately it cuts to a scene with the cloaked figure. Our minds are likely to assume that is the variant then. But they don’t actually say it’s Loki, so I’m inclined to believe it’s not. Though, I don’t have enough information to say who I do think it is, I could make a couple of educated guesses and say Mephisto (he certainly interacted with Loki in the comics, plus there’s the stained glass window) or Sylvie. Well, whoever Sophia Di Martino’s character is. I know she was previously listed as Sylvie on sources such as IMDb, but that has since disappeared. But why would you have a “young Sylvie” (Cailey Fleming) without an older version? There is speculation Di Martino’s character will be Lady Loki, but I hope this won’t happen. If they make Lady Loki her own character, I doubt we’ll see Variant Loki get to be fluid. Even if it’s confirmed on the record, it’d be nice to see actually happen beyond a piece of paper. And with twist villains being such a prominent force in modern media, I’m interested to see who our cloaked friend really is.

Time travel. Like I said earlier, this is a lot. But I can’t talk about the episode and not mention this aspect in at least a little more depth. I don’t like how the MCU deals with time travel. I think it’s an unnecessarily complicated mix of a number of different, already complicated theories. However, I think Loki will ultimately escape from the TVA and create a multiverse too difficult to prune (and maybe he’ll actually get to burn the place down too!) This will then tie directly into Doctor Strange 2. Do you guys know what that’s called? The Multiverse of Madness. Actually, in the Miss Minutes propaganda, they almost exactly say “will throw the multiverse into madness.” Will we get to (finally!) see a certain raven-haired god meeting Dr. Strange? And maybe even the Scarlet Witch herself? Well, I’m not sure, but right now I think it’s looking pretty good!

And some random things that didn’t really anywhere else:

Peggy is in the background?! My thought here is that Steve wasn’t supposed to stay with her. This made not only a Variant Steve, but also a Variant Peggy. We may not see Steve, but I bet he’s been taken care of too!! And who knows? Maybe there will be a cameo later. Otherwise, it might be something that was cut from the show, or just a fun easter egg of sorts.

The score was so good! It sets the mood perfectly.

Loki is a good fighter. Even if he’s overpowered, he finds a way.

Some of the humor didn’t land, but that might just be a personal thing.

So now my final thoughts. It’s their strongest pilot yet. So much emotion crammed into less than an hour. A lot of exposition, too, yet it didn’t feel tedious (Endgame I’m looking at you). And then we get to delve into Loki’s psyche, something that really appeals to me! Overall, 9/10. I hope the rest of the series is as good!

Did I miss anything? Was there something you were hoping I’d mention and didn’t? Or do you have something to add or (politely!) disagree with? I’d love to hear it all! Remember, fandom is a safe space to talk about, analyze, and debate about things you enjoy. My ask box is always open with anon on. Reblogs and comments are great too. Thanks!

Me after watching the episode:

#the loki show #the loki show spoilers #the loki series #loki series #loki analysis #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #loki friggason #the loki series spoilers #I know there’s nothing particularly profound here but here you go #*throws thoughts into the void*

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mattholicguilt · 3 years ago

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cats in the cradle by Duck_Life

Fandoms: Supernatural [Gen, No Archive Warnings Apply] Words: 1,745

Tags: Claire Novak & Patience Turner, Cats, Psychic Abilities, Grandparents & Grandchildren, Friendship, Found Family, claire novak will see a stray animal and be like, is anyone gonna project onto this, and not wait for an answer

Summary: Claire helps Patience hone her abilities. Patience helps Claire track down a cat.

Written for SPN Women Week Day 1. Prompt: "skills"

Bub is missing again.

“Bub” is the name of a mean stray cat missing a chunk from his ear. Claire’s been leaving cat food out for the ugly old thing for weeks now, and whenever he doesn’t come running she panics.

So, for the third time, Patience finds herself enlisted in the search for a cat that Claire doesn’t even technically own. “If it’s gonna bother you this much every time,” Patience says, “why don’t you just take it in? You know, get him his shots, a collar, a microchip.”

Claire makes a face at her before turning back to look at the road. She’s been driving around the neighborhood slowly, scoping out every shrub and checking under every parked car. “Bub doesn’t want to be chained down,” she explains. “He’s a free spirit.”

Alright, well, Patience is too tired to unpack that right now. She lets it lie and looks out the passenger’s side window, alert for any signs of movement. “Maybe he was never a stray at all,” she tries, “and his owner finally tracked him down and brought him home.”

“Do you know that?” Claire asks.

Claire’s always asking if Patience knows things— what happened on Jody’s date last weekend, what Dean’s middle name is, whether or not Alex is the one who ate the last ice cream sandwich in the freezer. Patience keeps trying to explain that she can only see the future. “Psychic” might be a misnomer— her abilities are precognitive, not telepathic.

She basically gets previews, little spoilers about what’s to come. And though she’s been working at it, she can’t seem to get her psychic abilities to do the kind of reading and divination her grandma could do. She gets glimpses with no context, no backstory.

Missouri Moseley could walk into a room and feel every ounce of heartbreak, grief, hope and faith in the people standing there. Patience can barely pick up on it when Alex and Claire are pissed at each other.

Still, Claire brings her along whenever the cat goes missing. Seems to think her ESP can home in on missing animals. Patience keeps telling her otherwise, and yet here she is, once again. That’s the trouble with having no social life and no better plans.

Maybe she should join a book club.

Claire rounds the corner, eyes darting around for any sight of the mangy cat. The first time Bub vanished from Claire’s sight, all the neighbors seemed intent to help. They explained they hadn’t seen the cat, but hoped Claire would find him soon and offered baked goods and platitudes in the meantime.

But these things have an expiration date. You can only lose the cat so many times before the routine gets old and the neighbors lose interest.

“My educated guess ?” Patience sighs. “The cat’ll come back when it gets hungry. Just like before.”

Claire makes a tch sound and mouths “educated guess” under her breath. Apparently, because Patience is psychic she’s supposed to be omniscient. “So which is it?” Claire says. “Is he back with his ‘real’ owners or is he going to come home when he gets hungry?”

“Don’t be a jerk,” Patience says. “I’m here, aren’t I? I’m helping you.”

“... Yeah. You are,” Claire says, ducking her head. “Sorry.” Her eyes scan the road ahead, looking for the telltale streak of a cat darting out from under a parked car or vanishing around a tree trunk. Still nothing. “Hey, Patience the Pet Psychic,” Claire says. “You should write that down, that’d be a great children’s book.”

“Very funny,” Patience says, rolling her eyes. She’s silent for a few moments and then says, “Cla-aire the Monster Slayer.”

“That doesn’t really rhyme.”

“Sure it does.”

When the sky darkens and the streetlights flick on, Claire drives them back to the house, Bub-less and dejected. “I’m sure he’s fine,” Patience tries.

Claire bunches her shoulders, the collar of her leather jacket looking like a cat’s raised hackles. Maybe, Patience thinks, that’s the connection— Claire in many ways resembles an angry cat. She and Bub might be kindred spirits.

“I’m just tired,” Claire says, yanking the keys out of the ignition. “We’ll try again tomorrow.”

Patience considers pointing out that Claire could at least ask instead of just assuming , considers reminding Claire that she has her own life outside of playing “pet psychic.”

But she doesn’t actually have anything to do tomorrow. Or the rest of the week. And as futile as it feels riding around looking for a runaway cat, it is something to do. And it makes Claire feel better.

And… straining her psychic muscles to pick up on any trace of the old tomcat is at least better than doing nothing and letting her abilities degrade. Over the last year, she’s been trying to find ways to train her brain, shape her psychic visions into something useful.

Jody’s supportive, but she, like most people, doesn’t know anything about being psychic. Kaia’s got a fraught relationship with her own special skills and usually chooses not to talk to Patience about seeing the future, and Alex is so entrenched in nursing and hunting that the few “normal” moments she gets at home are devoted to unwinding and relaxing.

Which makes Claire Patience’s most ardent supporter in developing her psychic abilities. A very grouchy, blonde and mostly clueless Yoda. What she lacks in background knowledge she makes up for in persistence.

“Hey, Patience, guess which hand?” Claire will ask, holding the last fortune cookie behind her back. “Hey, Patience, what number am I thinking of?” Claire will ask, perched on the arm of the couch. “Hey, Patience, heads or tails?” Claire will ask, flipping a coin to catch it in midair.

That’s not how it works. That’s not how any of it works— Patience can’t predict things at will. Her psychic visions operate on a schedule of their own, with no concern for Patience’s own convenience or comfort. One minute, she’s watching shitty reality TV while Alex nods off on her shoulder. The next, she’s watching Jody narrowly avoid being bitten by a vampire.

It’s a lot different from just guessing a coin toss. Still. Patience can’t help but think that her grandma would’ve passed all of Claire’s little tests with flying colors.

That night, Patience doesn’t dream about anything— at least, not anything useful. She has an anxiety dream about being lost in Aldi, roaming the aisles with increasing frustration. But nothing about the future. Nothing about Bub the cat.

She’s pouring herself a bowl of cereal when Claire stomps inside, the porch door swinging shut behind her. “Still gone,” she says darkly, grabbing the cereal box and her own bowl. “Food hasn’t been touched.”

“Claire,” Patience says, “why don’t we just go to the SPCA? You can get yourself a cat that’s not, you know—”

“What? Not damaged? Not a lost cause? Not hard to love?”

Whoa, Patience wants to say. “A cat that’s not missing ,” she finishes. “We can get him his shots and a collar and everything.”

“I don’t— I don’t just want some random cat,” Claire says. “I want to find Bub. I want… I want to find him and bring him home. I have to bring him home.”

“I know,” Patience says, and just like that she does . She does know.

She knows everything, feels everything, the aching loss in Claire’s bones that’s both recent and so, so old. Memories of Claire hitchhiking and stealing and conning her way through the country, desperately chasing a mother who was desperately chasing a dead man. Jimmy Novak’s voice in her head, his face seen through Claire’s eyes, Please, Castiel, take me. Just take me. Again, his forehead pressed to hers, Take care of your mom, okay, bub?

Bub.

Patience looks at Claire. Sees her, in a way she hasn’t been able to see anyone before. “Bub… ‘bub’ is what your dad used to call you.”

Claire squints at her. “Uh. Yeah,” she says. “Wait, I didn’t… I didn’t tell you that.”

“No,” Patience breathes, meeting her eyes across the kitchen, “you didn’t.”

Slowly, a grin spreads across Claire’s face. “Holy shit , Patience, you just… ? You just did that. You, like, read me.”

“I, uh, I didn’t know. That I could do that,” Patience says, caught between marveling at this new development and feeling self-conscious at intruding on Claire’s emotions and her past.

Claire doesn’t seem put off at all. She’s actually bouncing with excitement. “We gotta test this out. Oh my God. It’s like a whole new Pokemon evolution for you.”

“It’s not really. Like that. In any way.”

But Claire is already humming the Pokemon theme song. She grabs her car keys. “Alright, well, let’s go look for that cat. I’ve got a good feeling about today.”

“I read you, Claire, that doesn’t mean I can read the cat,” Patience reminds her.

“Yeah, yeah, but you can still help me look,” Claire says. “I don’t need your third eye, just the two on your face.”

“That’s… yeah, fine,” Patience acquiesces. To be honest, she’s buzzing with the knowledge of what she can do with her powers. If Claire’s happy to be her test subject, she’ll spend all day with the girl. “Just let me grab a coffee.”

“Ooh, me too. Wait!” She wiggles her fingers toward Patience. “Do you Know how I like my coffee?”

“Half-and-half. And enough sugar to kill you,” Patience reels off. “But that’s not because I’m psychic. I’ve just seen you fix yourself coffee before.”

“Y’know, I think the line between ‘psychic’ and ‘observant’ is thinner than you might think.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Patience says, and then pretends to stumble backward toward the table, overacting the part. “Oh, oh, I’m having a vision… I see you … making coffee for us…”

Claire rolls her eyes, but she dutifully sets her keys down and busies herself with getting the travel mugs out. “That’s not gonna work for everything, you know.”

“Aaah I see you bringing Jody’s suit to the dry cleaners next week. I also see you driving me to the science museum.”

“Hilarious.”

Patience smiles at her. It’s nice to have someone else get excited about her powers. It’s nice to be allowed to be excited about this, to learn a new skill and have it mean something good to someone besides herself. She doesn’t feel like a freak or a failure. She just feels… like a psychic.

She feels like her grandma would be proud.

#spnwomenweek #day 1: skills #patience turner #claire novak #spn #supernatural

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inverse-problem · 1 year ago

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alright gonna elaborate more on this as requested by @2b-reel ! messy essay below (disclaimer this is mostly just stuff I'm pulling out of thin air/vague recollections of religion so it's ultra-subjective and I have near-zero training in literary/thematic analysis)

I'm very normal about this line not just for the usual reasons but also because of what it says about how gabriel sees v1 and possibly also himself vis-a-vis sentience.

if we read this line in the context where gabriel assumes humans aren't animals (more likely given the biblical definition and common linguistic use) then it's interesting because here, gabriel is inviting v1, a machine, a mere object (inanimate), to fight him, a disgraced angel (treated as inanimate in how the council use it/its for him), like an animal (arguably a step up from "mere object"). okay, so this part sort of requires that we interpret "fight me like an animal" as also implying that gabriel will likewise be fighting like an animal. in reading it that way, we find gabriel is simultaneously bringing himself down (powerful angel -> animal) but also in a sense elevating himself because animals act on their own instincts and urges as opposed to following orders from a council. granted, animals don't have free will per se in this framing, but they're not following divine orders (not entirely sure about points in this sentence, I may be misremembering). (side note, lots of people have pointed out the fascinating parallels between gabriel and machines in how he is expected to follow orders too.) in any case, maybe gabriel wants to get a bit messy, himself. (we do know he wants to get a bit messy, see his actions at the end of the act.) a lot of this has a "we're not so different, you and I" sort of vibe, too.

with regards to how "fight me like an animal" applies to v1: gabriel is, in his perception, elevating v1 by acknowledging that it does have some semblance of will and instinct, that it's not an inanimate object. you could debate whether or not he's acknowledging that it's on the same level as him yet (depends a bit on the reading you choose in the previous paragraph) but in any case, it's not too much of a stretch imo to say that this line is actually a sort of acknowledgement of respect on gabriel's side.

conversely, if we read the line as a context where humans are also animals then this gets interesting in different ways. because if "fight me like an animal" includes humans, then this is a suggestion that gabriel is seeing the machine as human, in the image of its creator (yay, christianity parallels lol). I mean, I think gabriel still imagines himself as being "above" humans, but humans having free will is a whole Thing in christianity. I guess that's kind of drawing a human-animal distinction again, though, so maybe this interpretation is imperfect. but in any case, with this read on the sentence, you do still get a fascinating "gabriel asking the machine to fight him like a human" thing. because fighting like a human could be the first step to being acknowledged as being on the same footing as a human. or something. though the lack of a soul is probably a big dealbreaker (I'm assuming machines don't have souls in ultrakill though idk if that's stated anywhere or not)

and we can also apply some of what I wrote above here too, where now gabriel is also putting himself on the level of humans/animals, and in a way given all his hubris I wouldn't be surprised if he did go against doctrine and lump humans and animals together in his head, actually. but then he's also been acting human a whole bunch, or at least, committing a bunch of sins. not sure what the canon (can't believe I'm using the word canon in the "original" sense) is on angels and biblical sin.

anyway, brief summary:

if "animal" excludes humans (consistent with biblical interpretation) then "fight me like an animal" entails gabriel comparing v1 and also possibly himself to an animal which has interesting implications and involves a little fun blasphemy

if "animal" includes humans then "fight me like an animal" entails gabriel comparing v1 and also possibly himself to humans which also has interesting implications and possibly a bit more fun blasphemy

anyway that's all for now! hopefully this was vaguely coherent bc I haven't really proofread haha

gabriel saying “fight me like an animal” has me wondering if he also considers humans to be animals, because whether or not he does changes my read on that line

#inverse problem.txt #I sure hope this is something haha #I've always had a hard time with essays because I'll argue a point and then go 'wait but now I see all the counterarguments to the point'#so I'm laying this out as a sort of choose-your-own-interpretation thing #would love to see other people's interpretations too tbh #also if I get anything factual wrong do feel free to point it out I'm happy to be corrected

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chicago-geniza · 3 years ago

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well i intended to go for a nice evening walk, ended up having a panic attack, ordering a couple of cocktails at the bougie bar, joining a jam session with a bunch of old hippies on the logan green (one of them gave me a handpainted wooden medallion which seems to be carved out of tree bark, strung on a length of yarn???), met a crustpunk train-hopping dude in town for the month (& his dog, in a leather-studded harness) who's lived in 45/50 states & a 44 yr old guy everyone called "the wizard" wearing a tattered, patch-covered robe who shares most of my parents' conspiracy theories & considers himself a latter-day prophet, he bought us sorbet & ice cream, wound up hanging out with them & staying up all night at their indescribably eclectic, cluttered, blood-spattered (!!!) apartment, belonging to 44 yr old guy's art curator father & decorated accordingly, smoking m*th & listening to music & talking (or rather listening to them rant/rave/recount stories from their incredibly wild lives), i gave them advice on applying for unemployment & medicaid & how to appear compliant enough w/ carceral psychiatric intervention so they won't section you without actually submitting to forced medication or institutionalization, especially if they assign you a case worker & do regular "wellness checks." also how to pass off certain aspects of behavioral dysregulation as executive dysfunction, get them to pay for an adhd evaluation, get an adderall IR scrip, sell the 30 mg pills (cite body weight, high doses of other psych meds as reason for higher dose; look sincere; play to systemic biases toward cis white men, unfortunately), & use the cash to buy m*th, if they'd prefer to keep doing that. you can also pass positive psychotic symptoms--agitation etc.--off as severe anxiety, especially if you have a history of trauma, & they will give you benzodiazepines. it is in their best interest to keep you docile, i.e. tranquilized, particularly if your past convictions & involuntary institutionalizations revolve around a pattern of aggressive behavior, & that's On The Record/there's a paper trail. (e.g. one dude got arrested trying to keep cars away from an injured bird on the road, some genre of raptor i think (???) by threatening them with a shopping cart, not hitting them, but like, running at them as if to collide then feinting at the last minute so they'd swerve out of the way. not the safest or most effective maneuver, lotta reckless endangerment, but the motivation was admirable. probably put the fear of god into some drivers, though. he doesn't seem to have, like, impulse control.) it's a lot easier & you have fewer run-ins with the cops if you game the system & appear cooperative. they gave me this coat, which "just showed up in their apartment one day," like i did. 44 yr old guy walked me back to apartment, stole a street sign & tore down a real estate sign en route, lori lightfoot did indeed take down the pride flag in front of her house on july 1st & replace it with an appropriately patriotic american flag, i walked past the idling plainclothes cop car & another marked police vehicle with their Mayoral Guarding Detail inside at like 4.30 am smoking a menthol cigarette (not inhaling), high on m*th, draped in a neon anime jacket, in the company of a visibly insane, unshaven & unshorn middle-aged man in a technicolor patchwork trenchcoat, holding a lit cigarette in one hand & an upside-down traffic cone in the other, which he was using as an ad hoc amplifier for a noise track playing on my phone. he was also carrying the stolen real estate banner &, inexplicably, a stack of mail. i gave him my old backup phone (no SIM card & doesn't hold a charge long, ancient, but still works), since neither he nor the other dude have phones (cops took them), also one hybrid edible for each of them, as a thanks for the m*th & the kindness. their hearts are in the right place but they have some fucked-up beliefs about "reverse racism" being real, while also saying in the same breath that you can tell our country is irredeemable by the way it continues to

treat black people. we were discussing medical weed for seizures on medicaid & 44 yr old guy mentioned one of his close friends, a black epileptic woman, whose seizures were frequent & severe enough they prevented her from working. then he added, in apparent bemusement, they she hadn't spoken to him in some time, & he wondered why. a little while later he relayed their last conversation & i was like "my dude, i can say with 100% certainty she is not talking to you because you said some *appallingly*, jaw-droppingly racist shit & did not even realize it was racist." then i, comma, a white person, explained to this man that he literally thought of their exchange as, like, an abstract argument over insignificant ideas, a theoretical exercise, & therefore considered it simply a smug gotcha to "counter" hotep theories about egyptian origin by claiming that "if that's true, american slavery & the oppression of black people in america are divine retribution for the enslavement of the jews in ancient egypt, an eye for an eye & a deserved punishment." like, first of all, what the actual fuck, if i were that woman i would also never speak to you again, second of all there's the collapse of historical time & mythical time, history & exegesis, an assumption that rests on spurious claims of biblical literalism (zionist colonization logic, btw! him: what's exegesis? what's zionism? me: never mind, not the point. exegesis is the interpretation of religious texts in a religious CONtext, in this case what you would likely call the hebrew bible.)--but most importantly it is 100% irrelevant to this discussion whether or not black americans are Actually Factually descendended from ancient egypt! you just told this woman to her face that the ancestry she claims, of which she's proud, is the reason & justification for SLAVERY & BLACK SUFFERING--not only that, but that if it WERE true, than black people would DESRVE to suffer, by DIVINE DECREE. you are trying to force her to abdicate her claim on this heritage by putting her in a position where she'd be forced to concede complicity in her people's historical & present-day persecution, oppression, & essentially the existence of structural racism. & using The Figural Jew as a rhetorical cudgel to bludgeon her into this corner. what a despicable thing to say. like, he hadn't considered it from her perspective at all, & once he groked why the comment itself was, like, unforgivable (idk, maybe she's more forgiving; she has a virtue-name), i started socratic-method-ing him through why it was particularly unforgivable for *him* to say to *her*--the individual is not responsible for the systems from they benefit, but they are imbricated in them, they are implicated when they actively perpetuate & uphold them, even with speech acts. & finally gave the same "there is no such thing as reverse racism because racism is not an individual act, it is an institutional, systemic phenomenon, & it is an ideology, one which individual acts can bear out or be in accordance with, & to which individuals can subscribe (this bearing it out in their behavior, in their institutional roles, in their interpersonal interactions--here i gave & solicited examples of each) or be subject (also gave & solicited examples). m*th makes me very good at Explaining clearly & he was surprisingly receptive--like, it was astonishing that it had not occurred to him??? but it hadn't, the same way it hadn't occurred to my mother, & she interpreted it as "reverse racist" when their next-door neighbor called her the "white devil" for disputing their property line, & i had to be like "ok but if you called in a random third party to mediate in lily-white [city], oregon, where white supremacists openly drive down the street in pickup trucks with swastika armbands, whose side do you think they would take, statistically speaking, in your property dispute. that's why racism is systemic & institutional, & your rude neighbor calling you a name over a disagreement does not constitute 'reverse racism,' because 'reverse racism' by definition cannot

exist." now this dude wants to like, read books, so i gotta get him some entry-level Intro To Racism primers??? how did i end up here, but better me than his black epileptic (ex-)friend, i guess??? jesus christ. both of these guys have the most chaotic, reactionary politics in a potpourri with these deep commitments to abolition & mutual aid & a kind of proto-anarchist consciousness, none of which would be called by those names, but all of which is borne out in practice & in the politics of everyday life. they remind me a LOT of my parents. i'm loath to imagine how they'd internalize my stepdad's rambling, street-preacher-style libertarian lectures. probably go out & buy guns & invest in gold on the stock market & double down on the conviction that free speech is being curtailed & individual rights are in jeopardy because you can no longer unleash a barrage of harassment against some guy on the street because you think he looked at you funny. these claustrophobic convictions, like the space to express oneself is getting smaller & smaller every day, *other people* are taking it away from you, suffocating you on all sides with their offense demanding your silence, they are *making* the walls close in--when in fact it's more like a holodeck. you're a member of the Hegemonic Group, afforded the privilege of the default, so you don't question the vast verdant expanse that is your domain--ah, Free Speech, the sun never sets on the empire of ~uncensored expression, you can say whatever you want whenever you want without facing consequences because you control all the organs that mete out consequences & you have also determined that those groups who might be adversely affected by your words--emotionally OR materially--are not, well...of consequence. but of course the vast verdant domain is an illusion, photons & forcefields, held together by the all-encompassing TOTALITY of the dominant group's hegemony, power, etc. once that power begins to redistribute throughout the system--however unevenly, however incrementally, however slowly--as even the smallest pieces are appropriated by those deemed inconsequential, who have endured years of systemic, material, institutional violence that allowed the dominant group to become dominant & retain its dominant position--once those 'inconsequential' groups speak up & say "actually, these words bear an indelible imprint of the violence enacted upon us, these words are the legacy of that violence, these words are a tacit endorsement of the ideology behind that violence, which classifies us as subhuman, & even if *you* can't hear those echoes, the words broadcast on two historical frequencies, so now that we're able to broadcast on a frequency *you* can hear, we request you find other language, & consider the implications of the words you've been using for years." well--once The Subaltern Speaks, the dominant group loses its 'innocence,' & becomes aware the vast verdant expanse of language is an illusion of infinite space, aware of the four holodeck walls pressing in behind the simulacrum of the horizon, & suddenly "what one can say without negative consequences"--largely social, sometimes, rarely, if social media goes viral, professional--feels much more claustrophobic. so they get angry. & some of them are just bigots, obviously, but some of them--like my parents, &, even, this weirdly well-intentioned m*thhead who said one of the most shockingly racist things i've heard in my life & *honestly didn't understand why it was racist*, is really riled up about free speech & individual rights, hates the government, hates "FANG" (facebook amazon netflix google) & has a bunch of dystopian conspiracy theories about data harvesting & personal information that only miss the mark in that they get too nefariously biopolitical (billionaires want to put microchips in everybody for surveillance to monitor our movements & sell us more stuff; they don't need to, they already use our phone location & browsing habits to generate the algorithm & sell the information to ad companies lol, it's digital& cast a

single illuminati figure in the role of comic book villain, controlling the operation behind the scenes like an evil puppetmaster (classic conspiracy fare; again, we gotta take that energy, that suspicion, the understanding that they are being taken advantage of & tricked, the idea that power & capital & resources are concentrated among a very small number of people, however it's not an individual wealthy villain with a desire for world domination who wants to turn Free Americans into microchipped drones, it's a *class* of people--or rather several classes, but *who those people are as individuals does not matter*. if you guillotined bill gates, another billionaire would take his place. bill gates qua bill gates is not the problem. it is classes of people who control the means of production & own property & profit enormously from exploiting the labor of a desperate, rapidly increasing underclass, i.e. from the system as it is. therefore it is in their interest to maintain the status quo, because it serves them. 'the rich get richer, the poor get poorer.' the middle class gradually ceases to exist. if you want to compound it by race, consider the GI bill as an example - you learn about it as the leg up that enabled thousands of WWII vets to buy houses, enabling them to enter the middle class. hundreds of thousands of third-gen middle class white americans still reap the structural, socioeconomic benefits of their grandparents' initial upward mobility, including,, very tangibly, those selfsame houses, which can be inherited & then rented out as a second property if the children or grandchildren accrue enough money to buy their own properties. but only about 100 black vets got approved for homeownership loans, despite the staggering numbers of black soldiers who enlisted & applied through the GI bill. anyway! the impulses are there, & they're only being funneled into conspiracy thinking because that makes intuitive sense on a narrative level. these guys have a high school education; so does my stepdad. their reading habits are...eclectic, sporadic, pretty much dictated by occasional recommendations & like, little free libraries around the neighborhood. it's both interesting & frustrating to see like - hey, here are these people, we agree on a lot of things, they're earnest & open & want to learn & would give their neighbor the shirt off their backs as a matter of principle. they'd give a *stranger* the shirt off their backs; they'd share whatever they had. even what chores there are in their collective--they live with two other guys--(dumpster diving, walking the dog, tidying up the apartment) are allocated by ability & inclination. they made advance plans to look after the dog & their roommate with War PTSD on the 4th of july if the fireworks upset them, jokingly called the dog an emotional support animal. you give them the tools, the reading, talk to them like normal people with a stake in society--like, imagine a society that would have a stake in people like you instead of criminalizing you & consigning you to the margins! that's already *political imagination* because anyone who occupies a marginalized position will have their existence politicized, whether they want this or not, so better to become a self-aware, self-reflexive political subject, no?--talk *with* them because tbh i am them, i'm just better at situational masking & also i am very very afraid of cops so i only damage property in groups during planned political actions (not spontaneously, because i feel a flash of rage at my neighborhood gentrifying, & simply do not have a superego, so i tear down the real estate sign for the fancy new apartment complex in a fit of pique, because in this house we believe that spontaneity can & should be developed into class consciousness, again, the seeds of which are there in the initial trigger for the spontaneous reaction, i.e. anger at gentrification. not opposed to a little direct action, but they're just gonna put up a new sign tomorrow, it doesn't advance your agenda or hinder the gentrifiers' progress. now, if

you sabotaged the construction site for the new apartment buildings & painted a few potent symbols + graffiti'd a pithy, written statement expressing your opposition to gentrification generally & these apartments specifically? in a prominent place, large font, eye level, visible & legible from oh, a block away? maybe as a member of a collective, your neighbors, perhaps? & you could sign it "[neighborhood] or [block] residents" to pack more of a punch, the power of a crowd speaking in unison to say "not OUR home, you predatory developers"? that's no longer spontaneous, impulsive, affective violence, & it's also no longer an individual--acting alone leaves you vulnerable. again--i didn't just *intuit* that he tore the sign down because he was mad about gentrification, i asked, in a genuinely curious tone, not at all accusatory, no hint of reprimand or censure, just...interested, "why did you do that?" & he was like "it made me fucking mad." & i was like "what about it made you mad? the apartments? how come?" & he thought about it for a minute & explained. i'm not sure *he* necessarily made the conscious connection until prompted. idk, i know people talk a lot about the fact that breitbart & drudge report are free while NYT & "all the news fit to print" is paywalled, & q-pilled covid hoax sites are free while "reputable" pandemic coverage & public health guidelines & explanations of mRNA vaccines for a lay audience are paywalled & that's true but also We Live In A Society & if you talk to the wingnuts who AREN'T that way because of any far-right ideology, a lot of them are just...autodidacts without much formal education but a lot of raw intelligence that leads to analyzing The Big Picture & trying to deduce a pattern, find a framework that explains why the world is the way it is, profoundly frustrated, deeply aware of American society's, universalized & figured as the world's, exceptional unfairness & cruelty, & *that can be redirected* with reading, discussion, prompting critical thought, introducing community connections, & perhaps most importantly for this genre of person, getting them to see patterns at work in terms of systems & structures rather than individuals, letting go of American individualism's explanatory power & belief in its liberatory potential (see: the sort of ad hoc libertarianism that goes hand-in-glove with much conspiracy thinking, both stemming from 1) mistrusting the government, & 2) ultimate freedom of the individual as the most sacred value, therefore it is what all enemies want to take away), outlining positive, actionable goals rather than just ambient suspicion & anger at authority, & figuring out how those goals can be accomplished more effectively by an organized collective (but this will ultimately benefit the individual). If the world isn't run by a shadowy cabal, if you begin to understand the structures responsible & how they manifest even on the scale of your block (e.g.!!! predatory developers buying up properties during a pandemic, tearing down affordable housing to build expensive condos on the lot, or giving old buildings a "spit and polish" so they can double the rent, pricing all the current residents out, not to mention all the little local businesses, almost all mexican & run by the mexican families who live here, that give our block its culture & will get pushed out by boutique coffee shops & the like, catering to a more affluent & almost certainly whiter clientele)--you can, in fact, change the world, something both of them repeatedly referred to as their purpose on earth. it may not be as a maverick figure, one against an army, but strength in numbers is an aphorism for a reason.

anyway! thse guys were also really weird about jews, in the philosemitic way conspiracy theorists of a certain stripe often are. the itinerant vagabond guy gave me one of his drawings; it's really lovely. i'm going to give them "are prisons obsolete?" & "the wretched of the earth" & some david graeber. 44 yr old guy has this idea that society is atomized & people aren't connected to each other & have lost the willingness or the ability to communicate with each other, also that the overreach of authority has driven some people to violence, & that makes the world feel unsafe to everyone else. he feels guilty because he is acutely aware that language, when wielded adroitly & intentionally, always has the capacity to manipulate; he is afraid of succumbing to the temptation, because he senses the coercive power of language within himself. the other guy was mostly quiet but said 44 yr old guy is one of the best friends he's ever had. he thinks animals are able to sense emotions and to heal, & he thinks they can mediate between people who have become too isolated, who have forgotten humans' innate ability to forge connections, approach others as social creatures seeking to bond instead of mistrustful, apprehensive, rejecting overtures of friendship because they expect subterfuge, or propriety has evolved to deem such overtures inappropriate outside of strictly delineated, artificially orchestrated contexts. deviation from the norm is not permitted. & back again to policing. they have an idea called "the omega family," omega for the end, a group of like-minded people who come together, who encounter each other serendipitously (predicted through auspicious auguries & recognized on sight through a constellation of signs & wonders, because of course we are all psychotic here, it was nice to just be psychotic & discuss these things like they were normal lol), & serve as catalysts to each other's "personal truth." anyway this is why i don't go out when i'm crazy, i always end up in situations like this, see also: the last time i did m*th, in a pizza hut bathroom in tallinn with an art student from glascow named muhammad ali (he went by ali), the son of white muslim converts--we thought it was c*ke but it got lost in translation & that's how i figured out i had adhd. later i got [redacted] by a filmmaker from kazan & he gave me his business card afterward for some reason, which was extremely funny. thankfully these dudes were better behaved. one of them even gave a speech about how men shouldn't rape people??? & also how our society shouldn't construct women as universal victims because in doing so it makes victimhood almost compulsory & shoehorns women into a victim role as part & parcel of womanhood? i was like yes my dude you are almost there, read the essay "abject feminism." (i did not tell them i was trans bc i wasn't sure how that would shake down, to be honest; couldn't get a read on it. did tell them i was gay & they respected it, though one did say he dated a lesbian once, & i explained that many men feel compelled to interject with an anecdote relating an exception to the rule or insist that they will he the exception to the rule, & it's really just bad manners, not even getting into the bad politics. he took it on the chin & talked about how the girl in question came home to find her partner dead of an overdose & his wife had just died of MS, so their relationship was more about grief & comfort than sexual attraction. i was like that's really, really sad, & it's wonderful that you were able to be there for each other at a time of such staggering loss, & i am a person who totally understands what you mean to communicate, but if a lesbian tells you they're a lesbian & you reply that you once dated a lesbian & they get offended & instead of responding with contrition or correction you elaborate on the tragic backstory of the relationship as though that explains the circumstances in which a self-proclaimed lesbian would date a cis man, other lesbians *will* deck you, or at the very least not take you, an unwashed white guy in

his 40s who isn't neurotypical & sits way too close for social convention in a way that could easily be construed as a come-on, in good faith.) tl;dr made some new friends, did some good drügs (i much prefer smoking m*th to snorting it, basically like purer, more potent adderall, & as such will not be doing it again for a LONG time, because i enjoy it FAR too much; slices through the brain fog & the chronic fatigue & the joint/bone pain, makes me able to pay attention, follow the thread of a conversation, actually be *interested* & want to ask *questions* & expand, build, encourage my interlocutor to elaborate, place more kal-toh pieces until the conversation shimmers into a three-dimensional shape, instead of being listless & exhausted & disengaged & *bored* all the time, so obviously i would get addicted immediately if given the opportunity, & i've known this forever lol)--now going to hydrate, refill pill case, write some emails, & meet C at the beach! not how i expected to reboot my brain, but it works! also putting them on limited facebook view because i try to keep some groups of people in my life quarantined from each other & that includes 1) my relatives & my academic ~colleagues (ne'er the twain shall meet), 2) my exes & my family, 3) my relatives, colleagues, & uh. a couple of lovely, but extremely psychotic dudes with very long criminal records i met while doing hard drugs

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