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hailbop1701 · 3 years ago

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Curing a Rainy Day

A sort of five times Star Trek gen fic for your viewing pleasure. I mentioned I would write it but please be aware that I wrote this on my phone late at night and I has no beta. Typos and mistakes will be found. 🤣

-H❤🖖

Word Count: 2,166

Sulu:

Leonard McCoy wasn’t a huge touchy-feely type of man. Well, that’s what he really wants folks to think anyway. He was a doctor and that meant it was his oath-bound duty to cure what ails his patients. Whether it was from a physical malady or an emotional one. The first time he initiated his “Rainy Day Cure” --title courtesy of his daughter-- to one of the command crew he was surprised that it was Sulu of all people. If Len were being honest he thought it would have been Jim. Sure he had hugged the kid in the past but he always let Jim be the one to initiate contact. The reason why is complicated and a story for another time.

When he found him the young pilot was huddled alone in Observation Room Five, his shoulders hunched, his down so his eyes were hidden and mind lightyears away. Leonard had a feeling he knew where. The chaos after Khan and Marcus had caused a lot of damage, and not all of it was physical. They were all still healing even a year later. They had left Kronos not three hours ago and according to the mission report, Sulu’s younger sister was…

Not who she claimed to be. ‘Yuki,’ McCoy recalled her name lamely as he made his way loudly over to the depressed man.

She revealed that she worked for Section 31 and was determined to fix the Federation the right way. Though the term “Right way” is skewed for many folks. War was almost started, again and the Enterprise had to stop it, again. Section 31 now had the last little pebble of Red Matter and was holding it like a…” Nuclear deterrent” as the old saying goes.

Shaking his head Leonard pushed recent events to the back of his mind and continued on his own mission. Plopping down on the couch that faced the giant window of stars, McCoy leaned forward so his elbows rested on his knees.

He didn’t offer his apologies or sympathies, he knew Sulu didn’t want them. So they sat in silence. Sulu just shook his head and looked up at the doctor with confusion and betrayal in his eyes. “I don’t - I” he stopped swallowing and the helmsman looked so young Leonard didn’t even think about it until after he had already done it.

He wrapped an arm over Hikaru’s shoulder and squeezed. Sulu stilled for a moment before relaxing and saying what needed to be said, a weight slowly lifting off his shoulders and his chest.

Scotty:

Leonard and Scotty were both having a terrible terrible time. The cold sucked in Leonard’s opinion and being trapped on an ice ball of a planet only confirmed his feelings. Looking over at the Enterprises Chief Engineer, Leonard had a feeling that he wasn’t alone in his thoughts and feelings.

The Scot was curled into a tight ball up against the last running console the entire ‘Fleet base had. He was shivering and muttering to himself, glaring at the distress signal he had rigged up. There was nothing they could do but wait. Rubbing his hands together to warm them Leonard moved toward the console and slid down to the floor next to Scotty. Touching shoulders with Scotty, McCoy tucked his hands under his arms and sighed. There was nothing he could really say to ease the engineer’s anxiety -- which stemmed from Delta Vega no doubt -- so he simply let his presence be enough.

Scotty glanced at Leonard to see that he was looking back at him with calm understanding. Grunting Scotty curled himself closer to the CMO and let the man wrap an arm around his shoulders. They didn’t speak a word and only moved when they heard the sounds of the rescue party on the other side of the sealed doors.

Chekov:

Pavel Chekov was the youngest of the command crew, so he was automatically protected and treated like the youngest sibling of a giant family. The navigator understood that his friends didn’t mean to and that it was just sometimes a reflex but he was getting damn tired of it. Today was his birthday, he had finally turned twenty! Chekov was so pleased to find that after the incident with Khan he was being treated like he should. There was one person who always treated him like he was young and precious.

Pavel found that he didn’t mind so much. Doctor McCoy treated almost everyone that way -- even though he wasn’t that much older than the rest of them -- in an almost fatherly manner. A true caretaker. Chekov allowed the behavior from no one but McCoy.

Leonard walked into “Rec Room Two” taking in the crowd with a softening scowl. A small wrapped parcel gripped in his hand. He looked down at the present, weighing it in his hands carefully. With a sigh, McCoy strode through the room looking for the birthday boy. Jim waved at him wildly from the other side of the room a huge grin on his face. Narrowing his eyes, Leonard saw that his captain wasn’t in fact drunk at all. Grunting in approval he smiled at Chekov who was hurrying over to greet him.

“Happy Birthday Pavel,”

Chekov grinned and his eyes widened at the present presented to him. Leonard gestured for him to open it and the young man did excitedly. The wrapping paper littered the floor a long black box in its place. Slowly opening the box the navigator knocked a silver antique pocket knife into his hands. Examining it closely he looked up at McCoy in confusion.

Leonard shifted nervously on his feet. Clearing his throat he pulled out a similar from his belt. “My daddy gave me this one to match his when I turned twenty. I know your pa wasn’t around as you grew up and so I thought…” his sentence fell into silence. For once Leonard McCoy was at a loss for words. Pavel quickly wiped a stray tear from his eye and grinned at his friend holding onto the gift tightly.

“Thank you doctor!” he said gratefully and Leonard understood that it was for more than just a knife. A small smile graced the CMO’s lips and pulled the kid in for a hug.

With anyone else, Pavel would have been annoyed. This was an exception.

Uhura:

Leonard was tired. He longed for his bed but as he looked around at all of the injured crew he pushed the longing away. There was no time for it. Rubbing the blurry fatigue from his eyes he pushed on. Triage, surgery, aftercare. He really didn’t truly stop to breathe until the middle of gamma shift when the ship was sleepy and quiet. The only noise was the soft beeps and whistles of monitors. His nurses quietly whispering and working.

Christine hours ago told him to stop worrying and to go to bed already but something in him just couldn’t. Blinking dumbly down at the PADD in his hands he sighed and signed off on the next round of Spock’s antibiotics. During the Enterprises most recent scuffle the bridge took a hit and the science station exploded sending the first officer flying, earning him a ticket to medical.

After the fight was over and things had only calmed down to a trickle of wounded instead of a flash flood, Nyota Uhura breezed through sickbay’s doors. She waited patiently and even helped where she could. When Spock came out of surgery and was placed in a private room she immediately went to his side and hasn’t moved an inch since. Jim would have been right beside her if he could afford to. But it appears the admiralty wanted words and had kept him busy since. McCoy had barely just convinced him to get some sleep saying that he would call if anything changes.

That was three hours ago.

Leonard walked -- though Nyota would say shuffled -- into Spock’s room, his eyes going straight to the monitors above the bed. The half Vulcan was resting peacefully. McCoy knew it was only a matter of time before he woke and would go into a healing trance. Something that should be monitored anyway. Leonard quietly wondered who he would grant the opportunity to slap Spock awake this time…

“Leonard!”

The sound of his name made the CMO snap his head in Uhura’s direction. Her eyes were fire, filled with frustration, exhaustion, and worry. McCoy winced, “Sorry Nyota, guess my mind wandered a bit,” he said somewhat sheepishly. Her expression softened a flash of guilt passing through her features.

“You need more rest. You’re going to run yourself into the ground at this rate,” she scolded half-heartedly. McCoy gave her a small smile and a shrug,

"I'll rest when I'm not needed." He whispered and badly covered up a yawn. The hidden meaning behind his words wasn't lost on the linguist though. She pressed her lips into a tight line deciding not to comment. Instead, she rested her gaze on Spock once more her hand inches away from his.

So deep in thought, Nyota hadn't even realized that McCoy had left and come back, a tray with a couple of hypos in his always unwavering hands. Catching her eyes he gave her another encouraging smile. He took care to tell her everything he was doing and how it would help keep infection away. Leonard knew he didn't have to explain but he felt it necessary to fill the quiet with "Illogical chatter" as Spock would surely call it.

Uhura was so tired and so frazzled that she was startled to find the CMO crouching in front of her with concern all over his face. "You need to get some rest Nyota. I can have a cot brought in if you'd like…"

Uhura, let a few tears fall before she bottled it up again. She shook her head wiping her face, "I'm alright Leo. Everything is just catching up to me…" she mumbled with a watery chuckle. Leonard snorted at the nickname she had given him,

"Just let me know darlin' "

And without truly thinking about it he pulled her into a hug. It only took Uhura a second to process what was happening before she wrapped her arms around him tightly. A genuine smile breaking across her face. The first time in hours she felt content, safe, and able to truly breathe.

Jim:

James T. Kirk was a touchy-feely type of man. Leonard supposed it may be from a less than stellar childhood. So whenever Jim would pull him into a one-armed hug or slapped his back or even leaned up against him, McCoy would let him. He would definitely bitch but only half-heartedly, Leonard needed to keep up appearances after all.

So when they found Jim partially dead, hanging from his wrists in a cave all smirks and charm…

Well, no one batted an eye when -- after he made sure that the man would live -- Leonard pulled his best friend in for a hug. Jim just laughed, laid an arm over McCoy's shoulder, and leaned into the hug.

"I only had to get tortured and offered to an alien God for you to hug me. Good to know,"

"Shut up Kid,"

Spock:

No one ever thought the words McCoy, Spock, and hug would ever be uttered but stranger things have happened on the Enterprise.

No stranger than an alien device that turned back time. In a physical sense anyway. Leonard looked down at his adolescent hands and sighed with a heavy eye roll. "Not this again," he grumbled with a shudder.

Looking around the room he saw Jim shouting at Mudd who had bought the alien weapon and decided to point it at him and Spock. McCoy tilted his head, his eyes going comically wide.

Spock!

Where was the green-blooded rugrat? Leonard looked around and sighed in relief at the sight of the first officer. He was hidden under a rickety wooden table. Crouching down Leonard gave Spock a small smile, he waved and gestured for the Vulcan to come closer. Apparently the younger you go the further your mind goes with it. Spock had a mentality of a...of well, a toddler. He couldn't have been more than two.

Spock stared at Leonard intensely before darting out and crashing into his legs. McCoy stumbled a little before he got his footing. Spock looked up at him with wide scared eyes, tears threatening to fall. 'Must have gotten all Vucan-y at four or five,' Leonard thought as he picked up his friend.

Leonard pulled Spock close, hugging him to his chest whispering softly. Spock seemed confused for only a moment before he buried his head into the young CMO's neck.

Jim of course saw it all and later under the threat of meeting his end via an airlock kept his mouth firmly shut. The only thing the Starship Captain said -- which everyone agreed-- Doctor Leonard McCoy could absolutely cure a rainy day.

Tags:

@lauraaan182, @chickadee-djarin, @cowenby2, @bluesclues-1234, @sayuri9908,

#star trek aos #leonard mccoy #leonard bones mccoy #jim kirk #james t kirk #spock #mister spick #nyota uhura #pavel chekov #hikaru sulu #montgomery scott #fanfiction #hailey the queen of typos

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jesuiscalmedammit · 4 years ago

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Goodbye – (3) || [Bones x OC]

It was time. The USS Enterprise was about to leave Starbase 1 for another mission and Jim couldn’t be happier. He always loved that, the thrill of leaving Earth on this ship, his ship, and every time he wished his father was still alive to see how far he’s come. But this time was different. This time he had his sister on board and she was going to travel with them in the next three months. Having family around would make things easier, at least that’s what his mother had told him when he called her with the news.

Unable to contain his good mood, he kept talking to Bones about how Izzy would probably make his life miserable every now and then, but his friend wasn’t listening apparently. If he had to guess, Jim would have said he was probably thinking about the things that could possibly kill them in space during the mission as he stood next to him on the bridge with his arms crossed over his chest. Jim let out a quiet chuckle while he shook his head, then went on as if nothing happened.

“Are you done?” Bones suddenly asked impatiently, looking over at the captain who only glanced at him for a moment with a mischievous smirk. “Look, I understand that you’re excited and everything, but you’re the captain of the USS Enterprise. There are plenty of things you should do instead of talking about someone who will spend months aboard the ship,” he said in a tired voice. “Not to mention Sulu’s only waiting for your orders,” he added, pointing at the helmsman.

“Take us out, Mr. Sulu,” Jim gave out the order then looked back at the doctor as he sympathetically patted his shoulder. “Oh, I know the only reason why you’re not happy about her arrival is that she will follow you around all the time,” he said, faking a painful expression. The arrival of Izzy meant Bones had a duckling from now on, someone who would follow him wherever he went. Knowing him, only the thought tired him out mentally. “But trust me, she’d do anything to make you happy,” Jim added.

The doctor’s eyes grew wide in surprise. The way Jim told him that kicked his mind into overdrive, and his imagination was about to get out of control. He quickly shook his head to dismiss the thoughts. “What does that supposed to mean?” he inquired.

“You’ll see, Bones,” was all he said in a tone that made it obvious he was merely testing his friend’s patience.

“There might be a day when I throw you off this ship myself, you know,” Bones noted, trying hard not to yell at the captain who was only laughing at his reaction as they left the bridge. “So how come I’ve never met your sister? She’s been in San Francisco for about a year yet all I know is that the two of you are close and you call her Izzy. You never told me her full name or showed me a picture of her.”

“And there’s a good reason for that.” When the doctor gave him a questioning look, Jim shrugged. “I may be a little overprotective when it comes to her. The last thing I needed was her falling for your Southern charm instead of focusing on her job and studies,” Jim explained.

“It’s not like I’d–”

The doctor fell silent when they noticed Spock not far from them with Izzy on his side. “Dr. Krause, this way, please,” he said in his usual, polite way.

“Come on, Bones, she won’t bite you,” Jim told him quietly as they were getting closer.

“You know that’s funny; someone said the same thing about my ex-wife,” he replied sarcastically. The captain gave him a disapproving look that could be also translated as it's not like you're gonna marry her.

When Izzy’s eyes fell on them, her lips curled into a wide smile and she immediately ran over to Jim to pull him into a hug. “I can’t believe I’m here!” she said excitedly.

Jim quickly peeled her off himself then turned her around so they were now facing Bones. “I’m sure you’re my resident, Izzy,” he said as he extended his hand. “I’m Dr. Leonard McCoy, the chief medical officer of the USS Enterprise. You’ll be working with me in the next three months,” he said flatly.

“Dr. Isabella Krause, nice to finally meet you,” she said, quickly glancing at her brother with a pointed look.

“Fangirl,” Jim suddenly whispered to her.

“Shut up, Tiberius,” she hissed without hesitation.

After Spock excused himself and left, Bones gave the two a disapproving look and rolled his eyes. But Jim decided to ignore him for now and he restarted his conversation with the young woman. “How’s your mother?” he asked quietly.

A sad smile appeared on Izzy’s lips. “She’s gonna be fine for now. At least I hope there won’t be any problems. Dad promised to call me if something happened,” she added as she casually leaned against a wall. “By the way, dad asked me to tell you that he’s proud of you.”

“He’s what now?”

“You heard me,” Izzy nodded, letting out a quiet chuckle. “He finally accepted the fact that, after all, you are good for something. He just... You know, didn’t want to get all mushy when you talked to them. Surprising, isn’t it?” she asked, smoothing out a non-existent wrinkle on her blue uniform.

Jim’s steel blue eyes were fixed on her light brown ones for a few moments while he processed her words. “Yeah, that’s surprising,” he agreed with a suspicious look in his eyes. “You only made up the last part, didn’t you?” he asked, though he already knew the answer. Izzy nodded, flashing a sheepish smile at him as she massaged the back of her neck.

“I really don’t want to destroy this family moment, kids, but you’ll have plenty of time to talk later,” Bones walked up to them, then he turned to Izzy. “We should go to the med bay. I’ll show you everything there so you won’t get lost in the future,” he said. “I hope,” he added after a short pause.

“Alright.” The brunette’s gaze shifted from the doctor to the captain, and she gave him an almost scared look.

Bones noticed it and quickly shook his head. “Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you. We don’t want to scare you away, do we?” he asked with a small laugh. “Come on,” he said then walked towards the med bay with Izzy, leaving a smiling Kirk behind.

Bones wondered how he should bring it up. Growing up as an only child had both its advantages and disadvantages. Not having a sibling sometimes made him crave the relationship he saw some of his friends had with their own. From what he’d heard before and what he witnessed a few minutes earlier was exactly what he always missed.

“You two seem to be really close,” Bones suddenly spoke up as they entered the med bay. Izzy looked over at him, chuckling quietly, but she remained silent in the end. “Am I wrong?” he asked curiously after a short pause.

The brunette shook her head in response, thinking about what to say. “No, you are absolutely right, doctor,” was all she said after the silence, emphasizing the word doctor.

He showed her the main areas of med bay, informing her about the size of the medical team and the main protocols. But before he could begin the next chapter of the introductory speech, a cheerful voice interrupted them.

“Good morning,” said a young woman with long, blond hair. “You must be our new test resident,” she added, extending a hand. “I’m Christine Chapel.”

“Isabella Krause,” the young doctor replied with a smile, shaking her hand. “But please, call me Izzy.”

The nurse chuckled. “I hope you can help make him stop acting like a grumpy old man all the time,” she said, earning a questioning look from Izzy and a threatening one from Bones. “All right, I got it. We’ll continue this later,” she said and waltzed out of med bay.

Slowly shaking his head and massaging the bridge of his nose, Bones broke the silence. “Nurse Chapel is kind of my right hand. She’s really good at her job, so you don’t have to worry about her carefree behavior,” he said. “By the way, you can call me Bones,” he told her casually with a small smile, sitting on one of the beds. Since she was Jim’s stepsister, he hoped they could leave formalities.

She gave him a curious look as she sat on the other end of the bed, a strange smile playing on her lips. “What about Leonard?” she asked curiously, looking in his eyes again.

“Just call me Bones, Isabella,” he said reassuringly, hoping it wouldn’t be a problem for her to use his nickname. The other doctors and the nurses on the ship rarely called him Bones since he’d become the chief medical officer of the USS Enterprise.

“No, thank you, Leonard is really good,” she said cheerfully. “And please, call me Izzy,” she added.

Bones took a deep breath, keeping eye contact with her. “All right, I’ll call you Izzy if you’ll call me Bones from now on,” he stated.

“Oh, come on,” she laughed, subconsciously putting her hand on his. When she realized her mistake, she immediately pulled it away with an apologetic look on her face.

For a short second, he was thinking about reaching for her hand but decided against it. What was going on with him? There was a small voice in the back of his mind telling him there was something he’d forgotten, something important. Did they somehow know each other from the hospital? No, he would remember. Probably.

Once he cleared his throat, he went on. “No, no. Think about it: if there is, for example, a medical emergency and you have to shout my name, Leonard is too long,” Bones explained, smiling friendly at her.

“You're right. Still–” she started, but Bones interrupted her.

“No still, dammit,” he said angrily. “You’re acting like Jim and that’s really annoying, you know.”

Shaking her head, Izzy shrugged in response. “What can I say? We grew up together. But fine, I’ll call you Bones if that’s what makes you happy,” she said quickly. Bones nodded and put a small scanner in front of her. “Is that mine?” she asked, picking it up.

“Yes. I want you to take it everywhere you go,” he ordered, giving her another device. “Also, here’s a PADD in case you need to see a patient’s medical files.” Bones watched as her face lit up like a Christmas tree, and this made him smile too. Unlike Jim, she was apparently always serious when it came to her job, and he truly appreciated it.

“Is there anything else I should know?” she asked eagerly.

The doctor looked around the intensive care unit they were in and thought for a moment. “Well, I think you already know the rest of the medical equipment,” Bones started and she nodded in response. “Obviously my office is also located in the med bay,” he said.

“Okay, I think I got it,” Izzy chirped happily then hesitated. “Can I ask you a question?” Bones nodded without thinking. “Why did you join Starfleet if you have aviophobia?” she asked, trying to hold back a laugh.

Bones’ eyes darkened as he looked at the young doctor. “Jim told you,” he stated with a tired sigh.

“Of course he did. We tell almost everything to each other,” she replied casually with a shrug. As unsurprising as it was, Bones still reminded himself to be careful around these two in the future. “When you two met on that shuttle, the first thing you told him was something like I may throw up on you. I wonder if you would still be friends if you had actually thrown up on him," she said, finally freely laughing at him.

“Hey, aviophobia is not funny. Stop laughing,” he warned her.

“Sorry, I know it’s not funny,” she said now that she managed to calm down. “Men often love to act like they are not afraid of anything. And, you know, if you meet one who admits he has a phobia then it’s–”

“Ridiculous.”

“No, it’s kind of cute,” she said.

“Cute?”

“Yes.”

"So you really think it’s cute if a man admits that he’s afraid of dying in something that flies?” Bones asked in disbelief.

“Yes,” she nodded with a bright smile on her face.

“You’re strange. For some reason, I thought most women preferred men who are not afraid of anything. Or if they are, at least they don’t show it.”

“That’s a stupid stereotype. Prince Charming is a handsome guy with blond hair, blue eyes, he’s brave, strong, romantic and faithful, and yes, he has a white horse,” she began to explain. “Look at James, for example. Handsome? Check. Blond hair? Check. Blue eyes? Check. Brave and strong? Check. Romantic and faithful? He’s not even close, since he’s a real womanizer. This goes for almost all the Prince Charming-looking guys in the world. No one’s perfect,” Izzy finished her little speech with a shrug.

“Wow,” was all Bones managed to say, looking into her light brown eyes. It had been a while since he’d last heard a woman speak so honestly. “Now that I heard it like that… I have to admit you might be right,” he said.

Izzy chuckled nervously as she massaged the back of her neck. “Well, of course I’m right,” she said. “Hey, don’t you wanna have breakfast with me tomorrow? I was about to ask James and Spock if they would like to join me.”

After a short pause, while he was thinking about the chances of the green-blooded hobgoblin not being present the next morning, he replied. “Sounds good,” he said with a nod. Izzy then left to find Nurse Chapel and once he was left alone, Bones let out a long, tired sigh as he laid back on the bed with his arms behind his head. “Why do I have a feeling she’ll be the death of me one day?” he asked quietly from himself.

#star trek #star trek 2009 #leonard mccoy #leonard bones mccoy #leonard mccoy x oc #leonard bones mccoy x oc #bones #bones x oc #fic: goodbye #fanfic #fanfiction #jim kirk #james kirk #james t. kirk

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dreamthinkimagine · 4 years ago

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A Ticklish What?

For @the-spooky-lee - I saw her headcanons and had to do something!

https://the-spooky-lee.tumblr.com/post/185361979927/spock-calmly-bursting-into-kirks-room#notes https://the-spooky-lee.tumblr.com/post/185374062442/sulu-and-chekov-are-talking-sulu-anyway

Spock’s footsteps could be heard through the corridors, with two more pairs of feet gaining up. As he ran, his breathing rate increased and sweat covered his face. The feeling of his green blood pumping through his veins got faster and and his stomach was in knots. He figured he could outrun them, or just plain escape somehow.

Through these thoughts, which he would be - ashamed? - to say that they were illogical, he noticed the corridor was silent - they’d stopped running. He skidded to a stop and waited - not giving away a single sound as time slowly ticked away.

That’s when he felt it. A tingling in his nose growing stronger and stronger until...

“Achoo!” The footsteps started again faster than before. Spock dashed through the halls, swiftly avoiding any crewmen in his way. He had to hide, those crewmen would certainly tell his chasers which way he’d gone. He’d been running so long and so hard that it was becoming more difficult to breathe. Considering his strength, that was saying something

He ran down a few more halls when he caught sight of Chekov and Sulu having a conversation. He saw the Helmsman smirk and whisper something to Chekov, but even with his superior hearing, he couldn’t make out what he said for the life of him.

Chekov though? Chekov he could make out.

“Nyet! But I’d like to,” the Ensign practically exclaimed. Suddenly, poor Spock was on the floor and the sound of running feet got louder and louder.

He knew he shouldn’t have listened to Kirk’s illogic - something in that Vulcan mind told him it would be a bad idea. Now here he was, on the floor, about to face the consequences for his mistake. He knew it wasn’t going to end well the moment he stepped on the Bridge and Kirk pulled him over.

“Mr. Spock.” He said, gesturing to his chair. As soon as the First Officer arrived, Kirk continued. “Dr. McCoy is telling me that you have not been to his office once for a physical.”

“Quite correct, Captain.”

“Why?”

“It is illogical. I am part Vulcanian; Dr. McCoy is a human doctor. He knows very little of how to treat or examine a Vulcan.”

“But the doctors on Vulcan know much about humans?”

“More than he about my people. We function on logic alone. Vulcan doctors successfully make connections between both parts of me and are able to do so quite efficiently; whereas Dr. McCoy’s logic is not as strong and is clouded with emotion. It is only logical to contact Vulcan if I were to have a medical emergency.”

“We can’t always do that. I want you to report to Dr. McCoy now for a physical.”

“Captain-”

“That’s an order, Mr. Spock.”

***

“Well, Spock, I’ve finally got you in here,” Bones smirked. “Let’s get this over with, shall we,” he said and patted the examination bed. Spock followed the doctor’s orders, but only because his orders from Kirk were to listen to the illogical physician. “Now this won’t hurt a bit, Spock.”

“There is no reason for reassurance, Doctor. Especially when it is untrue.” McCoy sighed and got to work checking everything. His throat, heart, reflexes, everything. Then he asked Spock to lay down so he could examine his stomach. As soon as McCoy pushed down, Spock felt a strange feeling. A sensation he’d never felt before and he didn’t know why, but against his own will, his body jerked away.

“Are you alright, Spock?”

“I believe so, Doctor,” he said hoping that he hadn’t smiled. He had felt the sudden urge to laugh at the sensation and that was something the doctor did not need to know. McCoy went back to work, but the same thing happened again. And then a third time.

McCoy started to grin. “Spock,” he asked chuckling. “Ahahare you ticklish?” Before Spock could even answer, Bones went for his stomach again. “I’m sorry, Spock, but I really do have to check your stomach.” But the last time Spock was this close to laughing. So, instead of staying there, Spock jumped up and ran through the door and down the hall.

Zooming past crew members, he tried to think. Where could he go? What would protect him?

“Oh no, you’re not getting away that easily,” a voice said. Spock turned his head and McCoy was running after him. The only logical thing to do at that moment was to increase speed. Jim, he thought. The Captain’s Quarters! I’ll be safe there!.

Dodging Sulu, Spock didn’t wait to run in to Kirk’s room as soon as the doors opened. As the doors closed, Spock straightened out his uniform and spoke.

“Captain, I require assistance.”

“With what, Mr. Spock?”

“Doctor McCoy is chasing after me, with the intent to test if I am ticklish.”

“Say no more. Get in the closet,” Spock ran in and eagerly pulled the door shut behind him, letting the uniform shirts drape over him. But that didn’t matter because he heard the door open. He couldn’t see who it was, but all logic pointed to McCoy as being the unwelcomed visitor. What he also couldn’t see was Kirk’s grin.

“Jim, have you seen Spock?” Kirk’s grin grew into a smile.

“Well, he’s definitely not in my closet,” he said louder than he would have if he was actually trying to protect his Vulcan friend. Spock raised an eyebrow.

“Well then,” McCoy started. “I guess you wouldn’t mind me looking in your closet,” he said with a wink. Behind the door, Spock’s face dropped, his jaw hanging slightly open. As soon as he heard the knob jiggle as McCoy grabbed it, he swung that door open with all the Vulcan strength he could muster and dashed for the door - almost slamming Bones into the wall.

“He’s really gonna get it now, Jim!”

Or so he thought until the sound stopped, so he stopped. Then he sneezed and was on his way again. He noticed that he had been running so long and so hard that it was getting more difficult to breathe. He dodged the people filling the corridors until he came across Chekov and Sulu - who stuck his leg out causing the half-Vulcan to come to an abrupt stop on the floor.

“This I’ve got to see. You ever heard of or see a ticklish Vulcan, Pavel?”

“Nyet! But I’d like to!” As Sulu grabbed his arms and held them up, Spock saw the shadows of Kirk and McCoy rounding the corner and gave up trying to fight. Nowhere to run and certainly nowhere to hide; it was illogical to struggle.

He laid there as his heart pounded against his side and tried as hard as he could to not show any emotion; but he couldn’t even lie to himself that he felt something. He took back control of his mind, his inner scientist took command - he no longer felt fear, but curiosity.

What exactly was this feeling? McCoy called it “ticklish,” but what did it mean? Why did he feel the need to laugh? To run? Especially since it was light touches? He was stronger than they were, so light sensations should not be overwhelming. There was nothing like this on his planet, so it must be a human thing. It certainly seemed to be when Chekov sat on his shins, looking him in the eyes as he practically bounced with excitement.

That prompted another question - why were humans so fond of the activity? Why did they want to take advantage of it? What made it entertaining for them?

McCoy and Kirk rounded the corner and slowed down at the sight, approaching their victim. Spock himself was almost glad that they were there - almost glad - now he could get some answers.

“How - “ Kirk started.

“I might have been passing by your Quaters and overheard everything.”

“I was going to ask how you two pinned him.”

“Sulu tripped him and grabbed his arms.”

“But he’s got three times human strength,” Bones said.

Spock paid no mind to their words as he laid on the ground, still thinking things over.

‘He was winded when we got him,” Sulu answered.”Must’ve been running for a while. I think he’s alright now.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Bones said and knelt down next to his side. He started feeling different parts of the half Vulcan’s body and, while Spock was sure he was actually checking - especially since he never did finish his physical - it was still ticklish.

He found himself twitching once McCoy began. The others were grinning, but Spock couldn’t focus on that. He had to analyze this thing - but it was much harder than he had thought it would be. It was difficult to focus when an inescapable physical sensation verberated against his skin - which he never knew was so delicate until now.

Despite all of this, he noticed his body making small twitching movements instead of pushing Sulu, Checkov, and McCoy off and running again. He could do it, he knew he could. He had three times the strength of humans, and McCoy wasn’t even pinning him. But that just raised a new question - why? Perhaps his body was in a defensive mode? That must be it, because no matter how hard he tried to do anything, he couldn’t - other than twitch of course.

Well, even if he could do something, he couldn’t now - as the doctor finished, Kirk had just leaned down at his other side. He did not have the strength of four humans. And the only way to prove or disprove his hypothesis, was to be free to move.

“If I am to study this phenomenon, it would be most beneficial if I were not held down.”

“What?”

“I have many questions concerning this anomaly. The most efficient way to study it is without restriction.”

“You’d just run,” McCoy said. “Now I just finished your physical. You’re fine, but I want in on this, so stop stalling.”

“I am not, stalling, Doctor; but it is my ability or inability to escape that I should study first as per this current situation.” He looked to Kirk, “Captain.” Kirk paused, and then let go; the others following their leader.

“What are your questions, Spock?”

“Whether I can control my body to escape or not, Captain. As well as what it is, why it does what it does, and why it is so captivating to humans.” There was a beat of silence.

“Only Spock,” McCoy sighed, rolling his eyes.

“As a scientist, Doctor, you should understand curiosity.”

“If he wants us to tickle ‘im, we’ll tickle ‘im,” Kirk said. “Even if it is for science. Besides, we could learn; we don’t have all the answers.”

“Such as?”

“Well, Spock, we don’t really know how it works. We don’t know what causes it. Why it’s fun. Everyone is different with tickling, so it’s kind of hard to answer.”

“So even if you do discover something, it will only most likely be for you specifically,” McCoy finished. Spock took a moment to think. When presented the opportunity to learn, and to not take it would be illogical. Even if it was just about himself, it was still learning. He had no other choice.

“You may commence.” Immediately Bones, Sulu, and Chekov squeezed, prodded, and poked everywhere they could reach. Kirk took a moment to look at Spock trying to keep laughter in by holding his breath as he squirmed with each new touch. Kirk smiled his little smirk, the one he showed at Spock whenever he thought he was funny.

Kirk thought the whole thing was really funny honestly. He laughed himself when Spock almost got up, but was stopped by Sulu digging into his stomach. Spock’s eyes closed even tighter and his legs came up to protect himself, so Sulu moved to his hips. All the while, Chekov kept up at his underarms. He kicked his feet, trying to ease the feeling.

Spock jumped and scrunched his shoulders up when McCoy scratched the backs of his ears. A sound definitely came out and it was at that moment that Kirk knew he couldn’t hold off any longer. He reached out and, ran his fingers up Spock’s ribs. He was not disappointed. He squealed.

Spock squealed.

Kirk kept at it, forcing laughter out of his half-Vulcan friend. They all paused for a moment, and listened to the sound. A sound that until a few minutes ago, they didn’t even know existed. Spock included. His laugh was nice, relaxing. It sounded human.

Spock was taking mental notes throughout though. He realized that sometimes he could control himself, and other times not. He noticed his laughter eventually had to come out, and when it did, it wouldn’t stop.

But soon they were all at it again and Spock laughed even harder. He noticed that this time he folded up into a ball to try to shield himself, but that that only left his right side vulnerable. That spot wasn’t too bad, not as bad as his ribs or stomach, but bad enough to make him straighten out. Spock sat up and tried to bolt, but Kirk just squeezed his ribs gently and Spock went down and landed on his stomach.

He tried to crawl away when they attacked again. The backs of his ribs and neck were attacked and had his squirming and ineffectively clawing at the metal floor. What really got him was when someone touched his shoulder blades. The screaming laughter’s sound waves bounced against their ears, but they kept it up for another minute as he lay there - completely not in control of his movements. Well, he definitely had one question answered. By the time they stopped, Spock was out of breath.

“Fascinating,” he, with as much air as he could, whispered to himself.

That night, after he was back at his quarters, he thought about what he had learned. He analyzed every single thing he’d discovered. Especially how to tickle.

He would have a lot of work to do tomorrow.

#ticklish!spock #I might have quoted the headcanons I can't remember off the top of my head #even Spock's spots and reactions are based off one of her headcanons #some dialogue is directly from Star Trek TAS

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per-ineptia-ad-astra · 6 years ago

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Star Trek Episode 1.17: The Squire of Gothos

AKA Come Away O Human Landing Party

Our episode begins with a nice relaxed scene on the bridge, everyone hanging out, drinking coffee, and charting a course through a great big patch of nuthin’. They’re headed to Colony Beta Six to deliver some supplies. What kind of supplies are not specified. Hopefully not more plague medicine.

McCoy, leaning on Kirk’s chair as is his wont, picks up Kirk’s comment about how this place is a ‘star desert’ and starts talking about deserts and the imagery the word evokes, mirages and sand dunes and all that, with a surprising amount of fondness for a man who grew up in Georgia. Spock helpfully points out that the definition of ‘desert’ is “a waterless, barren wasteland” so he doesn’t really get why McCoy would be waxing poetic about such a place, which is a surprising lack of fondness for a man who grew up on a desert planet. McCoy just rolls his eyes and says that he couldn’t imagine any mirage “disrupting [Spock’s] mathematically perfect brainwaves” anyway, which Spock takes as a compliment.

All the conversation about deserts comes to a halt when Spock suddenly picks up a large “space displacement” up ahead. The navigator says they must be in some kind of light warp (???) or they would have noticed it earlier. Their sensors seem to be registering a planet, and sure enough there’s one on the viewscreen up ahead, clear as anything. Which is super weird, because this whole section of space has been explored and documented and they’re pretty sure there wasn’t a planet here last time. Strange as it is, though, Kirk says they’ve got no time to explore, they’ll just have to make a note of it so someone else can come check it out. Well, I’m glad to see you learned one lesson from last week, at any rate.

Uhura tries to notify someone over subspace radio about the strange case of the mysteriously appearing planet, but she’s getting interference, and thinks the mystery planet might be a natural radio source. What a nuisance. So Kirk tells Sulu to get out of range of that thing, and Sulu starts to—but then, suddenly, he disappears. And I mean really disappears. There one moment, gone the next, accompanied for some reason by an extremely over the top “BOING” sound.

Kirk rushes over to see what happened to his navigator, only for him to freeze in place and then vanish as well, also with a boing. Spock is so busy looking into his scanner he completely fails to notice any of this, even with the boinging, until the remaining helmsman yells out. Man, if I were that helmsman, I’d be getting out there, just in case whatever that was has an area of effect.

Spock whips round to find that the captain and one of the helmsmen have noped off into thin air, which calls for a bellow of “EMERGENCY! FULL REVERSE POWER!” I don’t really know how that’s going to help, but okay.

After the titles, we get a ‘ship’s log’ given by Spock to fill in for Kirk (how this differs from a captain’s log, I don’t know): they’ve misplaced their captain and helmsman and they’ve been circling around this weird mystery planet for four hours now, scanning it with everything they’ve got, but they haven’t picked up so much as a sneeze. Scotty says they’ve checked all over the ship and haven’t found the missing men anywhere, not stashed under a bed or in a closet or anything, which means that if they’re anywhere around here they’ve got to be on that planet. Of course, that’s assuming that they’re anywhere nearby on a cosmic scale, or that they’re currently on this plane of reality, or that they didn’t get zapped outside and are now floating slowly away through the vast emptiness of space, but none of those are really productive options so yeah, let’s look on the planet.

The other helmsman, DeSalle, immediately wants to beam down there with a search party, a suggestion that McCoy jumps on as well, but Spock reminds everyone that he’ll be making the decisions around here, thank you very much, we went over this enough last episode. He’s got a pretty good reason for being hesitant about that search party, as we learn when he asks the blueshirt who’s come in to sit at Sulu’s spot (for...some reason) what his readings about the planet show. The blueshirt, Jaeger, says that the planet has no detectable soil or vegetation, extremely high temperatures, a toxic atmosphere swept by tornadic storms, continuous volcanic eruptions, and is deadly to any life form as they know it without oxygen and life support systems. So that’s fun. Asked how long two humans without any of that protective gear could survive down there, all Jaeger can say is “not very long.”

This cheerful conversation is interrupted by a startled cry from Uhura. A message has suddenly appeared on one of the smaller viewscreens: “Greetings and Felicitations.”

[ID: Uhura sitting at her console with Spock standing behind her chair, both looking up at a viewscreen that reads ‘Greetings and Felicitations’ in ornate gothic text.]

That font does not bode well.

Spock tells Uhura to send a message back asking whoever this is to identify themselves. A moment later the viewscreen displays new text, as Spock reads out in a hilariously serious-yet-puzzled voice: “Hip-hip-hoorah, tallyho!”

Well, this is turning out to be a pretty weird day, alright. Spock tells the bridge he’s open to any theories at all, because really, what could anyone suggest that would be stranger than what’s already happened? McCoy points out that if someone’s sending them messages, there must be some kind of life on that planet. For once, Spock agrees with him, and orders the transporter room to be prepared. Scotty all but jumps into frame to volunteer for the landing party, but Spock tells him no, neither of them can be spared from the ship. Wait, you’re saying the person in charge of the ship isn’t going to be the first to beam down into dangerous, unknown territory? Spock, I don’t know if you’re really cut out for this command business.

Spock orders DeSalle, the helmsman, to lead the party, along with Jaeger, for his geophysical knowledge, and McCoy, because let’s be honest he’s gonna go anyway so you might as well let him and make things easier for everyone. They’re to go equipped with full armaments, communications and life support gear. “If those peculiar signals are coming from Captain Kirk or Mr. Sulu,” Spock says, “their rationality is in question.” Generally I’d agree, although really, with Kirk, anything’s possible.

The landing party soon meets up in the transporter room, equipped with full life-support equipment, which is...breath masks. Just breath masks, nothing else. Not even goggles or, hell, even a hat and scarf. Budget cuts hit hard, huh.

Spock comes in to see them off, and Uhura reports from the bridge that no more messages have come in, but she’s managed to pinpoint their source, so the landing party is going to be beamed there. Spock tells them to contact the ship as soon as they arrive, like your parents reminding you to call them when you get there, and to use the laser beacon if necessary. So...laser beacon. That’s a thing. I guess.

So the landing party heads down, but when they materialize, it’s not in a toxic, infernal hellscape...it’s in a nice grove with some trees and bushes.

[ID: McCoy, Jaeger (a slightly older white man with light brown hair) and DeSalle (a white man with dark brown hair) standing in a sandy clearing surrounded by trees and bushes, with a green sky in the background. All three men are wearing breath masks attached to devices on their belts, and looking around in confusion.]

“wtf, I know I’m a better geophysicist than this”

A quick reading reveals that the air is also quite breathable, so they take off their breath masks. As one might expect, they’re all pretty baffled. McCoy asks Jaeger (mispronouncing his name in the process) what the heck, what’s up with all those storms you were talking about? Jaeger can only shrug, with the half-confused, half-annoyed look of any expert who’s predicted something bad only to have it inexplicably averted.

DeSalle tries to calls the ship but his communicator isn’t working at all, and neither are the other two. As instructed he tries to use the laser beacon, but it seems something’s blocking it, so he says they’ll need to find more open ground.

The three of them separate a little bit to go looking around, but DeSalle quickly spots something and calls the other two over. It’s...a castle? Or possibly just a large and castle-like house, I’m not really sure.

[ID: Broad stone steps leading up to a stone building, with a large banded wooden door, torches on either side, and assorted gargoyle-like decorations.]

Well that definitely has no business being here. But once you see an inexplicable castle-house, there’s pretty much only one thing to do: go inside. The front door is unlocked, so the three of them slowly creep in.

Through the door is a small balcony overlooking a large, fancy room filled with as many historical-looking things as they could raid from the Desliu prop stores.

[ID: The interior of a lavishly decorated but old-fashioned room, with some assorted couches and chairs, suits of armor, a large globe, a bust of a man in a tricorn hat, a row of flags, and various other decorations.]

Also there’s this weird thing on the wall.

[ID: The mounted head of what appears to be some strange gray-skinned creature with big green googly eyes.]

seriously, what IS that

McCoy is like “where in the entire fuck are we” but no answer immediately presents itself. They start to head down the balcony stairs, but get distracted by the sight of something in an alcove to one side. It’s...Salty?? Yes, the ol’ salt monster themselves, apparently dead and now on display. McCoy looks about as happy to see them as you might expect.

[ID: McCoy, DeSalle and Jaeger pausing on the stairs, phasers at the ready, looking at the still form of the furry gray-skinned salt monster tucked into an alcove.]

“oh man, I had a really bad day the last time I saw this dude”

Inexplicable as it is for Salty to be here, they don’t show any sign of being a threat anymore, so after a moment the three of them carry on. Not for very long, though, because they soon see something even more interesting—Kirk and Sulu! Dang, things always turn up in the most unexpected places after you lose them, huh. Only one small problem: they’re...frozen. Well, kind of frozen. You can definitely see George Takei moving a bit there.

[ID: Kirk and Sulu standing on a balcony in stiff, awkward poses, lit from above by a strange greenish light.]

The landing party naturally rushes forward. McCoy does a scan of the petrified goldshirts and says, “There’s no reading. They’re like waxworks figures.” That’s a disturbing thing to find out, but before they can contemplate it very much, the door suddenly slams shut all on its own. Oh great. Now we have to worry about ghosts too. As if this day wasn’t stressful enough already.

Just as suddenly, there’s the sound of music. They all turn to see a man playing the harpsichord on the other end of the room, a man who definitely wasn’t there before. He’s, uh...interesting.

[ID: A white man with brown hair and thick sideburns, wearing tall boots, green trousers, a fancy blue coat with gold leaf embroidery, and a white cravat, sitting at a harpsichord and looking over his shoulder at the camera.]

“I must say they make a perfectly exquisite display pair,” the man says, in pretty much exactly the kind of voice you’d expect from a guy who looks like that, “but I suppose you want them back now.”

He waves his hand and the strange green light shining over Kirk and Sulu goes out, and the two of them seem to wake up. Sulu starts moving at once, but Kirk just kind of stays in position for a moment with only his eyes moving around in confusion before he straightens up.

“Welcome to an island of peace on my stormy little planet of Gothos,” the guy at the harpsichord says, but everyone ignores him for the moment. Kirk and Sulu climb over the railing to join the landing party, and Kirk tells them to fill him in on just what the frell is going on around here. McCoy tells him that the two of them disappeared and they’ve been looking for them for four hours—which, as far as ways the sentence, “You disappeared and we’ve been looking for you for--” could end, is pretty good, all things considered; better than, say, “You disappeared and we’ve been looking for you for ten years.”

“You must excuse my whimsical way of fetching you here,” Ruffles over there continues, “but when I saw you passing by I simply could not resist.”

Kirk, still looking real dubious and a bit like he has a headache, goes over to introduce himself, which really sends Ruffles into full-on “OH HO HO HOW WONDERFUL SMASHING BRAVO” mode. When Kirk asks him who he is, he says that he’s “General Trelane, retired, at your service,” and tells them to make themselves at home and all that before going back to the harpsichord.

The landing party does a huddle, and DeSalle tells Kirk about how they’re out of contact with the ship, leaving them pretty much trapped here. Trelane interrupts to say that he’s delighted to have visitors from “the very planet that I’ve made my hobby.” Oh boy. It is never a good sign when someone tells you they’ve made the place where you came from their hobby.

Trelane says he’s surprised, though, because he didn’t think they were capable of such voyages. Jaeger quietly points out to Kirk that this place is about nine hundred lightyears away from Earth, and it all looks about nine hundred years out of date, indicating that maybe Trelane’s been looking in on the ol’ home planet without realizing his information is on a bit of a delay.

That really bums Trelane out because he so wanted to make them all feel at home, but he bounces back pretty quickly. When Kirk addresses him as General, he says, no, call me Squire-- “yes, I rather fancy that.” Okay, Squire, why are we imprisoned here? Trelane insists that they’re not prisoners, they’re guests! And he wants to hear all about “your campaigns, your battles, your missions of conquest.” Kirk says that their missions aren’t for conquest, they’re peaceful—well, y’know, most of the time. Romulans notwithstanding. Now, can we please go back to our ship?

But Trelane won’t hear of it. He insists that they stay and have a “repast” with him while they tell him all about their feelings on war and killing and all that jazz. “Did you know,” he asks them, “that you’re one of the few predator species that preys even on itself?”

Oh lord, not this “humans are the only species that kill their own kind!!” nonsense. Predators prey on each other ALL THE DAMN TIME. You think that, say, a lion, in direct competition with other lions for food, territory, and mates, is going to go “well I could have all of that lion’s stuff if I killed him, but of course I would never sink to such lows”? Animals will kill each other, they’ll kill each other’s children, hell, chimpanzees will wage full on war against other chimpanzees. Humans are just the only ones that feel bad about the whole thing. I suppose Trelane could mean humans are one of the only sapient species that does it, except that doesn’t track either—the vast majority of aliens we see in Star Trek seem to be fine with it. Even Vulcans got a whole lot of killing each other in before they settled down.

Kirk reacts to this statement with more or less the same expression that I did.

[ID: Kirk with a distinctly unimpressed look on his face.]

DeSalle has his hand on his phaser, but Kirk tells him to hold off for the moment, and to put it on stun rather than kill. Trelane overhears DeSalle’s name and gleefully asks him if he’s French. DeSalle admits he has some French ancestry, and Trelane promptly rattles off a whole bunch more French, then tells DeSalle that he “admires your Napoleon very much.” DeSalle looks appropriately perplexed about all this.

Kirk introduces the rest of the crew. Trelane gives Sulu an extremely overwrought bow, prompting Sulu to mutter, “Is he for real?”. Then he turns his attentions on Jaeger and starts shouting in German and goose-stepping in a circle. Oof. Jaeger stiffly tells him that he’s a scientist, not a military man, so cut that shit out, but Trelane just says “we’re all military men under the skin.”

He then turns to admire himself in the giant mirror hanging on the wall. Unfortunately said mirror also shows him DeSalle sneaking up on him with a phaser. DeSalle, I’m going to guess that stealth isn’t your strong suit, so here’s a beginner’s tip: don’t try to sneak up on people while they’re standing in front of large reflective surfaces. Trelane promptly turns around and freezes DeSalle in place with a gesture. He doesn’t seem upset about the attempted sneak attack, though, instead taking the phaser from DeSalle before unfreezing him and then gushing over the phaser like a kid with a brand new Nerf gun. It doesn’t take him long to figure out which setting won’t kill and which one will, and he promptly starts shooting it all over the place, destroying Salty—who just can’t catch a break—and another taxidermied monster, while raving about how this awesome gun could kill millions!

At that point Kirk grabs the phaser away from him and says, so what, are we going to be your next targets, is that it? Trelane says that’s just typical of humans, they don’t understand something so they fear it. Really? Really? You were literally just firing a lethal weapon in their direction while talking about how great it would be to kill a lot of people with it. At that point I think we’re in territory where fear is pretty reasonable.

Trelane goes on to “anticipate [Kirk’s] next question,” which he presumes is going to be about how he’s doing all this stuff. He explains that “we—meaning I and others--” yes, thank you, that’s what ‘we’ usually means—he and others have perfected a system by which matter can be transferred to energy and back again. Kirk asks if it’s like their transporter and Trelane sneers that the transporter is just a crude version of their much better and way cooler technology, because unlike the transporter their tech can not only move energy around but change its shape.

But Trelane’s tired of answering all these questions now; he wants his guests to relax and enjoy themselves. Kirk is immediately like “well, I would really enjoy leaving, so bye” and starts herding everyone out of there. This really pisses off Trelane, and, deciding that Kirk needs “another demonstration of my authority,” he vanishes Kirk with a sweep of his hand. Kirk suddenly finds himself somewhere barren and dark, filled with clouds of vapor that have him choking and coughing in seconds. Then, just as suddenly, he’s back in the room. Trelane tells him that that was a sample of what the atmosphere on this planet is like “outside my kindly influence” so he and the rest of them better behave from now on unless they want another taste of that.

After the break, Spock gives another captain’s log for Kirk—specifically a captain’s log this time, and not a ship’s log. I don’t know what the difference is. Maybe Spock just got more ambitious in the interim. Anyway, they’ve orbited the planet fourteen times now and still haven’t found or heard from the missing crew. They also still don’t have communications, but they have gotten their sensors working again by diverting power to them. Oh, huh, that actually worked this time.

Said sensors have located this one tiny little Earth-like spot down there in the midst of all the kill-you-in-minutes stuff. Scotty is, appropriately, extremely confused by how the heck that spot is there, but Spock is not, at the moment, terribly concerned about that; however the spot got there, it’s evidently there now, so we’re gonna work with that. He tells Scotty to fine-tune the sensors to detect any lifeforms that might be down in the oasis and beam them up. Scotty points out that they have no guarantee that any lifeforms down there will be the crew, but Spock counter-points out that if the crew are on the planet, that’s the only possible place they could still be while also still being alive, so they can either see if this works or continue doing nothing.

Meanwhile, Trelane is showing off all his battle flags and going on about how cool armies are while the landing party stands around looking distinctly annoyed. They might have escaped dying in a toxic hellscape, but listening to this guy talk is almost as bad.

Eventually he goes back to the harpsichord, leaving them free to confer. Sulu wonders to Kirk just who exactly Trelane is, anyway. McCoy says the question is more what he is—he did a scan of Trelane and got nothing. No signs of life, no signs of recently deceased life, no signs that anything was there at all. Jaeger also points out that the fire in the fireplace looks like it’s burning but isn’t giving off any heat. Oh my god, he has electric fireplace capability! We’re really in trouble now, lads!

The combination of the faulty fire and the fact that Trelane’s historical knowledge is almost a millennium out of date leads Kirk to the conclusion that Trelane is not omniscient. He’s clearly capable of making mistakes. And if he can make mistakes he has vulnerabilities, and if he has vulnerabilities we can exploit them, and if we can exploit them maybe we can defeat him. It’s a slim chance, but that particular line of logic has served Kirk pretty well in the past.

Trelane interrupts them to say oooh, are they making their little plans? How wonderful! Kirk tries to say that actually they really aren’t, but Trelane waves him aside, saying that he’s not mad at them—on the contrary, he loves this whole martial deception and strategy thing, it’s one of the many things he just admires so much about their species. Welllll, in that case, Kirk says, you must admire our sense of duty, too, right? Our sense of duty that’s making us really need to return to our ship to actually do our jobs?

Nice try, but it doesn’t work—Trelane’s having far too much fun to let them leave now. Kirk asks how long they’re going to have to stay, then, and Trelane says, “Until this is over.” Asked “until WHAT is over” he just brushes the whole thing aside: too many questions, enjoy the moment, etc, etc. Kirk persists that there are four hundred men and women up there on the Enterprise who need their captain and crewmates back. Unfortunately, Trelane fixates on precisely the wrong part of that sentence and immediately flips out because WOMEN?? DID YOU SAY WOMEN??

Oh dear. Yeah. Trelane is absolutely amazed to find out that there are members of the, ahem, fairer sex in the crew, and starts going on about how, “Oh, how charming. And they must be very beautiful. And I shall be so very gallant to them.” Great. He’s one of those guys. What a surprise.

He’s all ready to bring down all the female crewmen here and now, but Kirk has now really had enough and tells him that this game is over. Trelane is all set to throw a big temper tantrum, but McCoy’s communicator suddenly beeps, and he says he’s receiving a transporter signal. I didn’t know that was a thing that the communicators did, but apparently it is.

Well, looks like the party’s over, thanks, as Kirk says, to Mr. Spock. Trelane pitches an absolute fit about how he hasn’t dismissed them yet and he won’t stand for this, but the group is beamed up all the same. Spock comes into the transporter room to meet them, and if he’s at all relieved to see Kirk back after having been mysteriously gone for several hours on a planet with little hope of survival, he, of course, doesn’t show it. Kirk doesn’t offer much explanation, either, sending everyone back to their jobs as soon as they step off the platform, then asking Spock how they were able to pick up the landing party on sensors through all the radiation. Spock says, well, they didn’t—they just scooped up everyone in the vicinity. Which means, as McCoy points out, that Trelane really isn’t any kind of life form as they know it, since he didn’t get beamed up as well.

No time to stand around and think about that one, though—Kirk orders them to hit the gas and get away from this obnoxious planet as quickly as possible. Everyone returns to the bridge, where some random redshirt has the conn (why must Scotty be so often denied his command?). As Kirk takes over, McCoy goes to hang out by Uhura’s station, and she asks him what the heck was going on there. McCoy gets about as far as saying, “Well, there was a--” before giving up entirely, and really, who could blame him.

They’re all set to skedaddle when who should suddenly appear on the bridge but Trelane himself, startling everyone. Well, mostly everyone. Kirk just sees him and immediately looks extremely tired.

Trelane looks around the bridge and asks where the weapons are—don’t they display their weapons? Well, you know, there’s not a lot of empty wall space on the bridge, so what are you gonna do. Anyway, he tells Kirk not to worry, he’s only a bit upset with him. The person he’s really upset with is this Spock fellow who took away his playmates. Trelane wants to know just which one of these people is Spock, and Spock obligingly gives himself up. Sadly, this does not prompt a Spartacus-like scene where everyone else on the bridge starts yelling, “No, I’M Spock!”

This revelation is surprising to Trelane, who scoffs that, “Surely he’s not an officer, he’s not quite human.” Wow. Rude. Spock tells him that indeed he has a Vulcan dad, and Trelane asks if Vulcans are a predatory species. “Not generally,” Spock tells him, “but there have been exceptions,” with an expression that indicates that he might be willing to make one of those exceptions right about now.

Trelane expects Kirk to have Spock appropriately punished, and Kirk says that on the contrary, he commends Spock for his actions. I might have gone with, “Oh, yeah, sure, I’ll punish him. We have to go far away to do that, though...so we can...put him in time out...” but that works too. He then tells Trelane to get off his damn bridge already so they can leave, but Trelane won’t hear of it. They’re all going to come back with him because he has “an enchanting sojourn” planned.

Just like that, they’re all back at Trelane’s place—all of the original landing party plus Spock, Uhura, and a yeoman who was on the bridge. There’s now a large dining table in the middle of the room, which Sulu and DeSalle find themselves seated at. Despite nothing else seeming to have changed, Trelane boasts that “the décor of my drawing room is much more appropriate and tasteful, don’t you think?”

“No,” Sulu cheerfully tells him, because Sulu does not have a single fuck to give this episode.

DeSalle promptly jumps up to have a go at Trelane, which only results in him getting frozen again while Trelane coos over the impressive savagery of humans and all that. Kirk tells him to let DeSalle go, which he does, leaving DeSalle to be quickly grabbed and led away by the much more collected Sulu, admonishing him not to try that shit again.

Well, never mind that display of bad manners, Trelane says—let’s eat! He’s quite anxious for them all to sit down and sample the victuals. The men glance at Kirk and he gives them a nod, so they sit down. No, you fools, don’t eat the food! If a mysterious and powerful entity living in a place that shouldn’t exist offers you food, do not eat the food. That’s how you get trapped in the Otherworld forever!

But Trelane isn’t paying much attention to his dinner guests anymore, because he’s suddenly remembered that there are ladies here and insists on being properly introduced to them. Kirk begrudgingly introduces him first to Uhura, whom Trelane starts fervently admiring in terms that...well, let’s just say it starts with “a Nubian prize” and only gets worse from there. Then he starts in on the yeoman, one Teresa Ross, with “is this the face that launched a thousand ships” etc, etc, and tries to go for a kiss, but Kirk wearily grabs him by the arm and pulls him back.

He then formally introduces Trelane to Spock, whom Trelane is rather less enthused about. He thinks that Spock’s tone is “challenging” (it’s really not any different from Spock’s normal tone) and asks if Spock is in fact challenging him. Well, since you asked, Spock says, “I object to you. I object to intellect without discipline. I object to power without constructive purpose.” Kirk listens to this little speech with an expression I can only describe as “smitten.”

[ID: Kirk listening and smiling as Spock, offscreen, says, “I object to power without constructive purpose.”]

Trelane comments that Spock does have “one saving grace after all. You’re ill-mannered. The human half of you, no doubt.” Gee, thanks.

He then goes back to bothering the women, asking—well, ‘asking’--Ross to dance with him while Uhura plays them some music. Uhura protests that she doesn’t know how to play a harpsichord, but Trelane says that of course she does, makes a sound effect happen, and suddenly Uhura starts playing with a surprised look on her face. Personally I would freak right the fuck out if someone just up and inserted an entire skill into my head, but she seems pretty chill with it. The poor yeoman, who most surely did not expect her day to wind up going this way when she woke up that morning, gets swept into a dance with Trelane.

I’m not quite sure how to take Trelane’s attitudes here. His information about humans is very dated, so it makes sense that his outlook towards women and black people (and Japanese people and German people, for that matter) would be likewise dated. It’s not a thing that the episode really calls out, though; at most there’s some exasperated eyerolls and polite befuddlement. Now, I don’t mean to come over all “if a work of fiction doesn’t explicitly and firmly condemn bad behavior that means it supports it!!” but it’s a little trickier when you’re dealing with a work that doesn’t necessarily have a great track record with those things to begin with. When you’ve got a show that’s unironically said some rather discriminatory stuff, it makes it more difficult to tell where the line is between that and a character who’s intentionally been written to be offensive in a way that we’re not supposed to approve of. I mean, some of Trelane’s behavior is quite obviously supposed to be outdated, especially what he says about Uhura; it might be more uncomfortable today but I’m sure it was always intended to be uncomfortable to some degree. But a few of the things he says aren’t real dissimilar from things that get said quite seriously throughout the show, so it’s, y’know, kinda weird.

While Trelane is distracted, McCoy and Sulu get up from the table to come talk to Kirk. Sulu wants to know how long they’re gonna be putting up with all this, and Kirk says they’ll have to put up with it until they can think their way out. In the meantime, they’ll just have to go along with Trelane’s hospitality—such as it is. Speaking of that hospitality, McCoy’s noticed a distinct flaw in it: all of Trelane’s dinner, as nice as it looks, is completely and utterly tasteless.

[ID: McCoy, Spock, Kirk and Sulu gathered in front of the large, ornate fireplace. McCoy, holding a glass of brandy, is saying, “Well, you should taste this food.”]

“And this brandy just tastes like apple juice! What’s up with that.”

Spock comments that actually, this makes sense; the flavorless food and drink indicates that Trelane “knows all of the Earth forms but none of the substance.” In other words, he may have observed what their food looks like, but has no idea at all what it should taste like. Kirk points out that this means Trelane isn’t infallible. I thought we already had that conversation, but okay. He also thinks that Trelane must have some kind of device or machine that’s helping him do all this.

Meanwhile, Trelane and Ross are still dancing, which Ross, understandably, does not look super happy about. He stops and says that her dress “hardly matches this charming scene,” and magics her into a fancy new pink one. She doesn’t look super happy about that, either, and really, who would be? The idea of someone being able to just instantly change you into whatever clothes they want you to be wearing is disturbing enough on its own even without all the other stuff Trelane seems able to do.

Trelane then pauses to preen in the big mirror on the wall, and Kirk notes that Trelane seems to have a thing about that mirror and never gets very far away from it. He figures this is just because of Trelane’s enormous ego, but Spock thinks there may be something more to it. Is there something special about that mirror, maybe? The two of them talk about what kind of machine Trelane could have that could do all this. Spock says it would have to be extremely sophisticated. “Like a computer,” Kirk says, “only much more.” ...Sure.

Kirk then asks if the device that’s keeping this whole area in livable conditions could be inside the house. Spock doesn’t think so because anything that could do that would surely be too big to fit in there. Kirk’s glad that Spock agrees on that one because it leaves him free to act. “If I’m not mistaken,” he says, “I think I can turn his lights off at the source.”

He then turns and starts loudly dissing Trelane, talking about how his actions are “those of an immature, unbalanced mind.” Trelane, hearing this, stops dancing and starts getting upset, but Kirk says he’s only just getting started. He wants Trelane to leave his crew alone, then pulls Ross away from Trelane and says that she’s not to dance with him or accept his gifts because Kirk doesn’t like it. Trelane is excited about this apparent display of jealousy, which, like ‘savagery’ and ‘killing things’ he seems to regard as an admirable trait. When Kirk says that he’s “had enough of [Trelane’s] insulting attentions to [Ross]” Trelane responds, “Of course you have. After all, that’s the root of the matter, isn’t it? You fight for the attention, the admiration, the possession of women!” Oh geez.

If Trelane wants a fight, Kirk says, then he can have it, and then he smacks Trelane across the face with Ross’s glove. Trelane gleefully asks if Kirk is challenging him to a duel. “If you have the courage,” Kirk tells him.

Oh boy, a duel? An actual duel? Trelane, practically beside himself with excitement, runs over and grabs a box from the mantelpiece. Inside it are a couple of pistols. “A matched set,” he says, “just like the pair that slew your Alexander Hamilton.” (Insert your own Hamilton joke here.) He then informs Kirk that “Captain...I never miss.” Kirk looks rather rattled, as if he wasn’t expecting to have to fight with guns, geez, how primitive, although I really don’t know what he would have thought they were going to duel with.

(Given that Hamilton died in 1804, and that dueling was falling out of favor in England by the 1840s and in America by the 1850, where it pretty much died off (even in the South, where it was way more popular) after the Civil War, we can estimate that the time period Trelane’s been looking at is roughly the first half of the nineteenth century. (Maybe someone with better historical knowledge than me could narrow it down more—or maybe not, I kind of doubt they were meticulously accurate with their period references here.) The earlier comments about this being nine hundred years out of date would therefore place the show in the twenty-seventh century, four centuries later than what they would eventually settle on. The best Watsonian explanation I can come up with for this is that they overestimated just how much of a delay Trelane’s information was on, and that Jaeger, being a geophysicist and not a historian, didn’t realize that his whole get-up was five hundred years out of date instead of nine hundred. A bit weak, but it’s better than “we forgot what century we were in,” which is the only other thing I can think of.)

After the break, Kirk narrates a “delayed log” (presumably meaning he made it after all this was over, although it’s still in the present tense so who knows) about how they’re all prisoners of Trelane and are weaponless and powerless--’cept for this gun—and the only way out is to play his games. Kirk has chosen this game, and now everything depends upon him and this ancient dueling pistol. Man, I bet Sulu’s feeling jealous right now.

They get into position and Trelane, still all giddy about getting to fight a real human duel, says that as the one challenged, he gets the first shot. Kirk is like, “...no? You don’t? That’s not how this works?” Not that they’re really following any dueling rules at the moment, but that one’s going a bit too far. This is like when my brother used to insist on setting up both sides whenever we played Battleship together. Trelane immediately starts throwing a fit and says that it’s his game and his rules, and if Kirk doesn’t like it, he could be persuaded...as he points the pistol at Spock. Okay, okay, Kirk says, you go first, geez.

So Kirk stands there, waiting, as Trelane prepares to fire. There’s a long, tense pause...dramatic music...and then Trelane fires harmlessly into the air (well, harmlessly in this instance. Please don’t fire guns straight into the air above you in real life) a move known in dueling as deloping. It can be done as an attempt to avoid actually killing anyone should you get dragged into a duel you don’t want to be in, but it can also be taken as an insult, implying that your opponent isn’t even worth shooting. I couldn’t find any examples of it being done by godlike beings toying with their victims, though, so I don’t know what the regulations on that one are.

[ID: Kirk, standing the foreground with his back to the camera, facing off against a grinning Trelane, who has just fired his gun into the air with a puff of smoke.]

“YOU’RE NOT WORTH THE POWDER!”

Trelane grins and says his fate is now in Kirk’s hands, and hold his arms out all ready to be shot. Well, that looks far too easy. Kirk evidently thinks so as well, because instead of shooting Trelane, he shoots the mirror. Unusually for mirrors, it promptly explodes. Not sure how that’s covered under the whole “break a mirror and get seven years of bad luck” rule.

The lights in the house start flickering on and off—yes, that includes the candles and fireplace—while electricity sparks from the broken mirror, which sure enough, appears to have some kind of machine behind it.

[ID: The remains of a large mirror in a gilded frame, now completely shattered, with most of the glass gone and complex machinery visible underneath.]

As Trelane starts yelling about how Kirk’s ruined everything, DeSalle says the subspace interference is clearing, and Kirk tells him to try contacting the ship. Trelane says that they’d better go back to the ship and prepare for their fates because they’ve earned his wrath and they’re “all dead men, you especially, captain.” Then he disappears.

Well, that’s a bit odd, but never mind that right now—let’s get out of here. Again. Hopefully it’ll stick this time. They’re all beamed up, and everyone heads to the bridge, where Kirk tells Sulu to GTFO. Then he takes a moment to look over a PADD someone’s handed him, because a captain’s life is never free of paperwork, even while fleeing from godlike beings throwing a temper tantrum.

Uhura asks if she should make a full report on all this to Spacefleet Command (goddammit, Gene, could you just pick a name for Starfleet and stick with it) but Kirk says not yet. He wants to wait until they’re out of range before sending out any kind of signal that could potentially be picked up by Trelane. Spock asks if they even know what Trelane’s range is, and Kirk admits they don’t, but he’s going to make an educated guess that it’s about where they first came into this solar system. Are they in a solar system? I thought they just found this one planet out in the middle of nowhere.

Yeoman Ross, still in the dress Trelane magicked her into, takes the PADD from Kirk and asks if she can go change. He smiles and says, “Yes, I think you might.” He doesn’t say, “Sorry I had to yell some nineteenth century views about women at you to provoke a creepy dude into dueling with me,” but there doesn’t seem to be any residual awkwardness between them, so I guess she’s fine with it.

They’re about to go into warp, when suddenly there’s a planet in front of them—so suddenly, Sulu only just barely avoids crashing into it. Sure enough, it’s that damn Gothos again. All their instruments show they’re on course, but as soon as Sulu tries to leave, it shows up in front of them again. And again, with them barely avoiding a crash each time. Even after pulling away from it the last time, Sulu says they’re still accelerating...or maybe the planet is still accelerating towards them (what, do you not have a speedometer on the helm anywhere?). It seems that Trelane isn’t about to let them escape that easily.

Kirk’s had enough of this shit. He tells Sulu to decelerate into orbit, and orders the transporter room prepared—he’s going to go down and talk to Trelane until he lets the Enterprise go. If they haven’t heard from him in an hour, he tells Spock, they’re to leave as quickly as they can. Which, I mean, they can’t leave at all right now, so who knows whether that order will be any use. McCoy, predictably, objects to this plan, and Kirk, predictably, ignores him.

So Kirk leaves the bridge, but before he can even make it to the transporter, he suddenly finds himself in a dark courtroom where Trelane sits high above him, judge’s wig and everything. He tells Kirk, “The prisoner may approach the bench. Any demonstrations shall weigh against you with the court, and this time my instrumentality is unbreakable.” Then the shadow of a noose appears behind Kirk. Well. That got dark.

Trelane then reads out a list of charges: “The high crime of treason against a superior authority, conspiracy and the attempt to foment insurrection.” Kinda surprised he didn’t add “and being a big mean jerkface” on there. He asks Kirk how he pleads, and Kirk says he’s not here to plead anything; he’s here to get his ship back. Trelane only bangs his gavel angrily at this, so Kirk tells him to take all his anger out on him, since he was the one who lead the others and destroyed the machine. He’ll admit to the charges, fine, anything, if Trelane will just let the Enterprise go.

When Trelane still doesn’t seem swayed by this, Kirk marches right up to the bench and tells him that they’re living beings, not Trelane’s playthings. At that point Trelane really flips out and yells that this trial is over, Kirk is guilty on all counts, and “in accordance with your own laws” he’s going to hang from the neck until dead. Which is obviously anachronistic nonsense. You only get the death penalty for going to Talos 4 these days.

After the break, Spock gives a captain’s log saying the hour is almost up and there’s still no word from Kirk, so as per his instructions they’ll have to leave soon. Wait, the hour is almost up? Like five minutes have passed since he went down there. Was there like fifty-five minutes of Trelane shouting that we skipped? I mean, not that I would complain about skipping that.

Down in the courtroom, Trelane throws off his wig and robe and cheerfully says that wow, he experienced actual rage—which he didn’t even think was possible! This whole experiment has been a success! Oh, are you still angry, Kirk? What’s that about?

If Kirk had any hope that this sudden shift in mood might prompt Trelane to call off the hanging, no such luck—he’s fully intending to carry it out, and asks Kirk if he has any last requests.

[ID: Kirk standing in a dark room with his hands on a wooden railing in front of him, glancing back at the shadow of a noose on the wall behind him.]

“Uh...I commend my soul to any god that can find it.”

Trelane wants Kirk to get on with it and put his head in the noose, to which Kirk is naturally like, “I’m not putting my head through that thing get out of here.” But Trelane informs him that he has no choice, and the noose starts moving over to him of its own accord, while Trelane laments that this is all so easy it’s tiresome.

Before things can segue into a Punch and Judy sketch, Kirk says that that’s Trelane’s trouble: he doesn’t think and he misses opportunities, like the experience of being angry right now, which he could never have accomplished without Kirk because he’s a bumbling, inept fool. Wow, don’t hold back, Kirk. Tell us how you really feel.

Kirk says that Trelane could just hang him, if he wants to be boring like that, but there’s no sport in it. There’s an opportunity here for a new experience: “the terror of murder, the suspense, the fun.” This intrigues Trelane, and he asks what alternative Kirk has in mind. “A personal conflict between us,” Kirk says. “Not like the duel before, but the real thing. The stakes? A human life, mine.”

This gets Trelane really pumped, and he starts waving a sword around excitedly. Kirk tells him that that’s the idea, but it’s still not enough sport to just kill him with a sword. So Trelane thinks for a moment and then decides on “a hunt, a royal hunt, predator against predator.” Kirk will go hide in the forest outside, and Trelane will hunt him down. Lovely.

Now he’s talking, Kirk says—but if Trelane is going to make it worth Kirk’s while, he’ll have to up the stakes. If Trelane agrees to free the Enterprise, Kirk will give him a contest he’ll remember. Trelane huffs about how Kirk just can’t shut up about that dang ship of his, but he agrees. Then he magics Kirk outside and tells him to go hide.

Kirk wants to notify the Enterprise before the game starts, and Trelane’s disembodied voice tells him, “At your convenience.” So Kirk pulls out his communicator, but only gets static. He tries anyway, telling them to get the ship out of there while he buys them some time, but he’s barely even finished speaking when Trelane appears and starts attacking him with the sword. Man, that’s not convenient at all.

The two of them tussle a bit, and then Kirk runs off into the woods. He gets some headway, but stops to try to contact the ship again, and Trelane catches up to him. So off Kirk runs, with Trelane running after him and telling him he’s got to try harder because this is too easy.

Kirk runs through a clearing, and a moment later Trelane runs through it after him. As he stops to look for Kirk, Kirk suddenly comes in swinging on a nearby branch and kicks Trelane hard in the chest, causing him to go flying and drop his sword. Kirk grabs the sword and swings it at Trelane—but Trelane vanishes, leaving the sword to pass harmlessly through thin air. Then he reappears, crowing, “Touche, Captain, touche! You scored first! But after all, I never played this game before!”

It’s not looking like Kirk has much of a chance if Trelane’s gonna cheat like that, but he’s not giving up yet. He throws the sword away, only for Trelane to magic it back into his hand and start attacking Kirk with it. They circle around a nearby tree, Kirk fending off the sword with a branch, but eventually the branch breaks against the sword and Kirk has to run.

He makes it back to the house and tries to get in through the front door, but it won’t open, so in desperation all he can do is try to call the ship again. Trelane comes running up and Kirk turns to try to escape, but iron fences appear first on one side, then the next, leaving him cornered. He reminds Trelane that he promised to let the Enterprise go, but Trelane says that no, this game is so fun he’s gotta bring everyone else back to come play it too. Four hundred people to chase through the woods one by one. How many of them would die before he finally got bored?

Trelane orders Kirk to kneel, but Kirk tells him he still hasn’t won, and refuses to back down despite Trelane’s repeated demands. After all, he’s got nothing to lose now, and anyway he’s far too tired and pissed off now to be afraid. So he grabs Trelane’s sword and breaks it over his knee--geez, cheap sword—throws it away, and then smacks Trelane across the face a couple of times for good measure. Trelane rages that Kirk cheated and didn’t play the game right, and Trelane’s gonna show him—when suddenly a female voice firmly calls his name.

Two spots of glowy green mist have appeared above the ground nearby. Trelane runs over to them and protests that they said he could have this planet for his very own. Another voice, this one male, tells him that all this has gone far enough. “But you always stop me when I’m having fun!” Trelane whines, but the orbs tell him that he’s been disobedient and cruel and it’s time to come in now.

Trelane says that he doesn’t wanna come in, and he’s not gonna, cause he’s a general and he doesn’t have to listen to them. Dad Orb tells him that’s enough. Trelane insists he hasn’t done anything wrong and besides, he hasn’t studied finishing his predators yet. But this isn’t hardly studying anything, the orbs tell him; if he can’t take proper care of his pets he can’t have them at all. Anyway, he can’t go around treating them this way because “they’re beings, they have spirit, they’re superior.” He’ll understand when he grows up. Trelane pouts that he never gets to have any fun, and Dad Orb tells him to cut that out or he’ll have his planet-making privileges revoked.

“But I was winning,” Trelane protests, “I would’ve won, I would’ve...” He repeats it petulantly over and over as he slowly fades away.

The orbs then address Kirk, who has been watching all this with a sort of “you know what, this might as well happen” expression. They apologize and say it’s their fault for indulging their child too much, and they would have stopped this all much earlier if they’d realized how vulnerable the humans were. They’ll maintain the life-supporting conditions on the planet while he gets back to the ship, and then with another apology, they vanish.

Kirk stands there for a moment looking extremely tired before trying to call the ship. This time Spock finally answers, and Kirk tells him they’re free to go so beam him up already and let’s leave this dumb planet behind.

This does leave open the question of what that whole business with the machine was about. For all the focus there was on it, and Trelane’s angry reaction to Kirk destroying it, he doesn’t really show any reduction in his abilities after it’s taken out, and Trelane’s parents didn’t seem to be using any such thing when they showed up. So what did Trelane need it for, really? How many of his powers came from the machine as opposed to being inherent to his kind, whatever that is? Whatever the answer, we’re never gonna find out.

Some time later, the Enterprise is finally approaching Colony Beta Six, and as Kirk sits on the bridge Spock comes up to him and says he’s wondering how they’re going to classify Trelane for the record. “Pure mentality? Force of intellect? Embodied energy? Super being?” Are those preexisting classifications? If so, I’m really curious what the exact definition of “super being” is.

Kirk suggests ‘God of War’ which, as Spock points out, is not very helpful. “Then a small boy,” Kirk says, “and a very naughty one at that.” Spock notes that that’s going to make for a strange entry (though really, it should hardly stand out among all their other entries), and Kirk says that, well, he was a strange small boy. But then, he figures, he was probably just doing his equivalent of typical small boy pranks just like Spock might have done as a kid—dipping little girls’ curls in inkwells and all that. Although given the attitude Trelane had towards his ‘pets,’ he seems more like the kind of kid that would pull wings off flies or fry ants.

Spock looks half scandalized and half confused, understandably so since dipping little girls’ curls in inkwells as a prank was anachronistic enough in the 1960s, let alone in the 2300s. Or the 2700s. Whatever century we’re in. Kirk apologizes and says that he should have known better, and Spock gives him an “uh, yeah” eyebrow, and the episode ends.

As you might well have noticed, this plot of this episode bears a striking resemblance to that of Charlie X: the crew are at the mercy of a young person with incredible powers and no real understanding of life outside their own, who they ultimately only escape from because a guardian with even greater powers comes to collect them. In both cases the protagonists, for all their ingenuity and bravery, wind up unable to really do anything except stall for time. Trelane’s fading cry of “I would’ve won, I would’ve...” even echoes Charlie’s last cry of wanting to “stay...stay...stay...”

The difference, of course, is all in the tone; Charlie X is more or less a horror story, while The Squire of Gothos is much more comedic. Trelane presumably had the capability to do things just as horrific as Charlie did, but even at his most threatening his antics are obnoxious rather than terrifying, and no one takes him seriously, even when literally being held at swordpoint by him. The idea of a race of beings so powerful that even their children could treat us as little more than interesting toys could very easily be played as a full-on cosmic horror story, but by invoking highly recognizable human behaviors so closely—Trelane whining that he never gets to do anything fun, and being sternly told to stop playing and come inside, etc—it becomes funny and whimsical rather than threatening. It’s an interesting example, I think, of how much just changing the tone can alter a story.

Trek Trope Tally: We’ve got another case of Godlike Beings, with Trelane and his mysterious parents. Next time, Kirk’s gonna make like Steve Irwin and wrestle a giant reptile in Arena.

#star trek #star trek TOS #star trek season one #1.17 The Squire of Gothos

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pendragonfics · 7 years ago

Text

Of the Expanse of Outer Space

Paring: Jim Kirk/Reader

Tags: female reader, cadets, Cadet Kirk, Starfleet Academy, fluff, slice of life, post Star Trek (2009), but set before Star Trek: Into Darkness.

Summary: Laying in bed, Reader thinks over the times she has spent with Jim in Starfleet.

Requested by: nonny ♥️

Word Count: 1,989

Posting Date: 2017-06-15

Current Date: 2017-06-16

On the weekends where there is no schoolwork to be done and all the exams are completed and you are left lying in the bed with your eyes fluttering open, heart beating softly, a sense of satisfaction flowing throughout, it is good. Feels even better when the space beside you in the bed is warm, and the body there belongs to the guy who you can’t believe fell in love with you. It’s not that you can’t believe he fell in love with you. More like that he’s with you, and has been for the last six months. Not that you’re not any good. It’s that he’s sort of nomadic, love-wise. But not lately. Turning in the sheets, you face the blond man, seeing how the sunlight falls onto his face through the curtains upon his face.

---

When you had first met, it had been a sunny, sunny day, and just your luck the air filters in the classrooms had broken down in the fan units, leaving the air conditioning rendered useless. It was just your luck, and sweating like some kind of barnyard animal and toting piles of files for your xenoanthropology classes, you didn’t really have the right mindset to be looking where you were going.

Also, just your luck, to not see over your files, and be knocked into by a guy who’d also not been looking where he was going. While your hair was stuck to your head and sweat compiling upon your lip, Jim Kirk looked like a sun god in the heat, his hair a halo of gold, smile apologetic yet handsome altogether. Everyone knew Kirk. Well, all the ladies, anyways; last semester, your roommate’s best friend had a fling, and wouldn’t shut up about the guy afterwards.

“I didn’t see you there, Miss –,” He frowned, almost realising then he didn’t know your name.

You shake your head, “It’s okay, Cadet Kirk. I didn’t either.”

---

Sometimes, Jim Kirk looked like an angel. You say sometimes, because you’re sure he’s got the devil in him; how else does he get into so much trouble, and look good doing it? Luck? Genetics? Your bloodline showed you descended from scientists who took their work too seriously, what did that make you then, a stuck-up knowledge-seeker who’d file for divorce and share the news on their child’s birthday? (True story. It’s not a thing child-you took lightly). Kirk was the son of the one and only George Kirk, captain of the USS Kelvin. You’d say Jim had a right to be nomadic.

He never really spoke of his family, and that was okay. You didn’t either, and it just left you both living in the present. Going out for drinks every so often with McCoy, having study sessions with Uhura, finding him asleep on the couch with reruns of Doctor Who still playing while he napped. You’d down the alcohol, and memorise the materials to study, and when Jim lost his place in the episodes of the ancient show, you’d rewind it for him on the holovid.

---

After helping pick up your files, he’d apologised, and gone off back to his running games with his pals. But after it, you couldn’t help but see him places, like it was Where’s Wally but with Captain Pike’s protégé recruit everywhere. The bars. The library. Your dorm-room block. Your roommate Tonita thought he was some kind of stalker. You shook your head, and said it was a coincidence. Starfleet Academy, however prestigious, was still large to its own limits. It wasn’t that you didn’t like running into him. He looked like there was something more to him than the famed womaniser who dreamed of captaining a starship.

But it’s three weeks later and he’s not on your mind when you look up halfway through your shift. Working at the medical clinic with McCoy is just to earn money, and keep up your accreditation of medical practice (who didn’t like a nurse-slash-studier of alien cultures?). But looking up, you see him. Jim is standing in the entrance, his hand wrapped up in a dish cloth. You also notice that his nose is coloured-in with bruising pigment, eyes watery. There’s a small cut under his eye, too.

If you were attending to a patient, you wouldn’t drop everything and walk over to see the guy, what, you barely knew him. But you’re sorting out bandages for Leonard, who’s too lazy to sort them out himself, and gesture for Jim to sit in the triage seat.

“Looks like a barfight, Cadet Kirk.” You raise an eyebrow, taking the dishtowel hand in yours, inspecting it. “Doesn’t look as bad as it could be.”

He snorted, and then winced. “You should see the other guy.”

You shook your head. “No thank you. Not a fan of conflict.” You sigh, and motion to the empty Medbay beds, “You’ve got glass in your hands. I can take it out, or I can have the doctor look at it.”

“I do not want the doctor.” Jim shakes his head. “Bones’ll only laugh at me.”

---

In his sleep, he mutters something, that sounds like punch it! or something. The pair of you were yet to go to space, but you knew inside you that he’d make a great part of a team when on board a space ship. And not just because of his genetics. At this, Jim turns, his head turning toward you, burying his fair face and hair into the space between shoulder and neck. He smells faintly of peppermint and motor oil, and your shampoo he borrows when staying in your dorm room.

It’s been ages since he’s been in his room, for a proper sleep. Always your bed, always your space. You wondered if he had a thing for not wanting to be alone. You didn’t mind. The evidence was nuzzling you, coming up through the layers of sleep. You wondered if his dreams were of the expanse of outer space, or perhaps of his own memories. People say that sometimes your dreams are from your past, but it wasn’t true for you. Your dreams were a vivid kaleidoscope of warmth, a jumble of faces you’d never seen before, events never to occur.

“________,” Jim breathes, his lips warm upon your skin.

---

It’s raining when he finds you. It has been eight months after you patched him up, and with only a year to go until graduation, you are sitting on a pile of good marks and barely any sleep. You heard a day too late that he had run away into outer space. In fact, all but your roommate’s best friend had been taken away to space to fight against the rouge Romulan Nero, leaving you planet-bound and mopey.

Perhaps it was because nobody had selected you for a ship. Perhaps it was because last you heard of Jim, he’d bedded the Orion cadet Gaila before running off into the stars to save the day (illegally, after cheating on the test). Perhaps you weren’t as detached as you’d tried to be from the guy, and the reason your heart felt like it did was because you felt…more for him. Damn it, you loved him, and stupid you hadn’t told him soon enough.

But it’s raining when he finds you. You’re sitting on the terrible carpet in front of your dorm room, locked out after losing your keys somewhere through the day. As the news came that the peace between the Romulans had been kept, and Nero defeated, your friends returning, you felt overjoyed. You could all graduate in one years’ time, and all could go back to normal. But hearing that James T. Kirk, a lowly undergrad upon entering The Enterprise had been promoted three tiers during the events, your heart sank. No way in the heavens would he, a captain, like you back when there were other fantastic people out there in Starfleet with more prestigious positions.

“Mind if I join?”

You look up, and see him there. He’s wearing the yellow shirt, too, and it makes him look like a million dollars. Damn him and his silly ways of winning over the council. Winning a war. You don’t respond. Jim sits, anyway.

“You didn’t get called in for the distress call on Vulcan?” He asks you. “I thought every cadet did.”

You shrug. “I was off-base. You’d just cheated on the test, and I was flown to D.C. for a research assignment. Or don’t you remember? Gaila sends her regards.” He sat there, silent, still. “Imagine being stuck on Earth when there was an important space battle going on. Sucked ass, Kirk.”

He frowned. “Why don’t you ever say my name? I mean, my first name?”

Your heart stutters at his voice. Damn him. Damn you. Why can’t you just be angry at him in peace? “I don’t?” you ask. You know the answer. You never call him Jim. Not to his face, anyways. In your family, a bloodline of scientists who took their work too seriously, first names were special. Not to be thrown around flippantly, kept in the heart of those who they loved. “Sorry, I guess.”

He shakes his head. “No, don’t be sorry, I was just wondering…are you mad at me? Uhura made it seem you were mad at me, but I don’t know why.”

You don’t know why either.

“I’ll call you Captain Kirk instead,” you joke. But thinking about it, everyone probably calls him that now, since that’s what he is. “If you like.”

He’s silent.

“I don’t know if you’re here because you’re saying goodbye,” you mutter, your voice above a sort of whisper. “Before you go off and make a life out in the stars.”

Jim shakes his head. “I wasn’t – goodbye?” You go to elaborate, but he’s too quick, “I was coming with a job offer. You’re highly recommended by Commander Spock, and Helmsman Sulu. ________, I…I missed you.” His eyes are so, so blue, and they’re looking through your soul. “Don’t tell me it’s just me.”

“It’s not just you,” you blurt out. “I –,”

---

“Stop playing possum, possum,” you tease him, moving yourself to your side of the bed. It might be a double mattress because Starfleet Academy are stingy on anything that isn’t in space, but it didn’t mean there weren’t sides to the bed. A smile graces his lips as those eyes flutter open, lips part, the breath returns to his lungs to resume wakefulness. “Good morning, Jim.”

He rubs his nose, scrunching his face, yawning. “How’d you know I was awake?”

You grin. “Magic.”

“Y’know, I didn’t want to disturb your thoughts. You look pretty today,” He moves his arms, one behind his neck, the other moving under the sheets to cradle you closer to his torso. “Were you thinking about your graduation today?” His lips connect with yours, halting you from answering his queries, and adds, “Or about today’s launch of the USS Enterprise?”

“To be honest, Jim…” you blink, “I completely forgot.”

He laughs, nuzzling into your side again. “It’ll be just you, me, the vast expanse of space…and eight hundred crew.”

“You sure know how to talk a girl up,” you chuckle, moving your arm so to hold your hand with his. “I was actually thinking of us. When we met. You know, stuff.”

“Not thinking of breaking up on me, doll?” Jim looks at you with an eye that reminds you of old earth tales of pirates, you’re not sure why. But, like always, he makes the quirk look good – almost insanely good on him.

You shake your head. “Not on the eve of her departure, captain.”

Jim bites his lip. “Did I ever tell you how you make my rank sexy, Lieutenant ________?”

“You did last night, I remember correctly,” you wink, stretching your limbs under the bedsheets. “Come on. Let’s boldly go where no one has gone before.”

#jim kirk #james t kirk #james tiberius kirk #james t kirk x reader #jim kirk x reader #jim x reader #jim kirk x oc #star trek alternate original series #star trek 2009 #star trek x reader #chaotic--lovely #pendragonfics #Female reader

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impalaanddemons · 7 years ago

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Gravity - Part 5

Summary: Reader’s a young security officer (Lieutanent Junior Grade) who happened to be on an away mission and fall hard for a certain Chief Engineer. Both of them aren’t the most outgoing regarding their feelings and tend to just watch each other from a distance, which is going to change.

Wordcount: 1590

A/N: Some of you guessed what would happen - well, you guessed wrong :P I really hope you like this one!

This fiction is set in AOS

Warnings: some blood, injury, nothing too explicit

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

„MEDICAL TEAM REQUIRED AT SHUTTLE BAY 2.“, Lieutenant Tahak signaled to the Enterprise. You would’ve hailed the Medical Team yourself, but you were too busy pressing down on Cassandras leg. „Stay with me, Cas, just stay with me.“, you said to her as calm as possible, remaining a professional facade. Just as you had learned in academy. What was it with those freak away missions in the last few weeks anyway? „How are you feeling, Cas?“, Ensign Bancroft did his best to tie off her leg. Carmichael was applying first aid to Ensign Mihan from Engineering. „G…Good.“, the voice of your friend was weak, but steady. You gave her a sympathetic pat on the arm. „Stay with me for just a bit longer, then, you don’t want to miss me embarrassing myself on shore leave, don’t you?“ you tried to sound reassuring and turned your head to the helmsmen: „How long ‘til we reach the Enterprise?“ - „Just one more minute, Sir.“ Cassandra managed something of a giggle and a grin.

„S..So.. you’re goin’ to ask him out, will ya?“ she muttered. You could see her consciousness slipping away. „If that’s what makes you stay with me right now“, you smiled down to her. Her breath was coming in small, short gasps now. „TOUCH DOWN IN 30 SECONDS, MEDICAL TEAM STANDING BY.“, your helmsman shouted. „There, we’re basically there“. „TOUCH DOWN IN 10 … 9 … 8 … 7 …“ Your head started to feel dizzy for a moment. A soft shock went through the shuttle as you touched down. The ramp was pulled down and the medical team flooded in. „We got two people injured“, you said but of course they were already informed. A relieved sigh left your lips, as you staggered down the ramp: Cassandra and Ensign Mihan were transported off hastily, hypos were used faster then you could look. They were in good hands now. Space: 0 - Enterprise Crew: 1 Once again. You managed an exhausted smile.

The shuttle bay seemed brighter then you remembered, but you tried to not be bothered by it. Your head started too feel light and your eyes seemed to lose focus. „Ah, shock.“, you said to yourself. „Better get to my room then.“ - you felt how the adrenaline pushed logical thought away and how wobbly your legs were. You knew the symptoms, of course. It happened to anyone. Someone called your name, but you didn’t care - focused on your room and on maintaining balance. That voice was far away. Maybe you should sit down for a moment. A giggle slipped from deep in your throat, making it sound alien. Now you were sure it was a shock. A couple of hours in bed, a cup of tea and writing your report would do. You had done this before. „Lieutenant Y/L/N“, the voice was sounding positively angry. „Stop. Right now.“, it was a dark voice. You turned around and saw the great doctor himself. He caught up to you in two long strides. God that men was gorgeous. Not your type but he was like an angry god descending upon you. An angry god, carrying a medical tricorder, which was promptly planted in your face. „You’re vitals are way off, kid, are you injured?“ - „What? No, Sir.“ you stifled a giggle. „Explosion in one of the engineering thingies“, you said and blinked slowly. That should probably not be the wording of your report later on, but at the moment it seemed as accurate as necessary „Right, engineering thingies.“, he muttered and continued his scan. „How’s Cas?“ - „I’ll tell you in a few hours. You’re in shock. I’ll give you a tranquilizer, you’ll stay in medbay for the day.“ he already waved over a stretcher, but you tried to decline: „No, seriously, Sir. I’ll just go shower, go to bed“, you stifled a giggle and straightened up, „and write my report after sleeping it all off.“ He was now growling: „Why does Security always have to argue with me? I am your doctor. You’re in shock. Medbay.“ - „Sir, please. It’s really nothing. We’re trained for this“ giggling again you probably did not make the best argument for your case, but adrenaline was a curious thing. „Good Lord, woman!“ he pushed you onto the next stretcher, nodding to the nurse and put a tranquilizer shot into your shoulder. „Off to medbay with her“, he scoffed, and that was the last of it.

Two away missions and out cold on both of them. The rest of your crew mates in Security would never have an end of it. You would have to spent a few drinks on shore leave, just to prompt them to forget that. Although, you thought, you weren’t out cold exactly and in this particular case it was foul play on behalf of the CMO. „I’m fine“, you mumbled as you were transferred to a biobed. „Is she STILL protesting?“, the angry gods voice crossed through the room, but steps quickly left and you sighed. Your eyelids were heavy, but you wouldn’t give up that soon. „Doctor gave you a mild sedative to ease the shock“, a blonde nurse next to you said. „I would really“, you tried to get up and grumbled as your plan did not work out. „ .. really like to just go to my room“. Mild. Yeah. Of course. Another voice pierced the buzz of medbay: „Hows Ensign Mihan doin’?“ - „They’re all fine. As in: Not dead or dying.“ the answer was a slow growl that was really too busy to deal with anyone right now, but it was the first voice that oozed through a thick layer of medicine to your half-awake brain. Oh shit. It was Montgomery Scott.

Feet shuffled around and that voice was talking to someone. The blonde nurse - Chapel - was gone. He hadn’t seen you yet. Maybe you could just get up and sneak to your room? There was nothing more sobering in the universe then deep felt embarrassment. You test-wriggled your toes and got a positive response. Your arms moved too. Balance wasn’t fully there yet. You slowly moved your feet over the bed and to the ground. Just in case your eyes followed your feet to verify correct position. What had that Doctor given you? You had a slight shock, nothing more. Medics always had to blow everything out of proportion. It was this fundamental schism that made life with Medics so … interesting. „‚‘Tis nothing but a small laceration“, said the redshirt with the missing leg, and continued working - you giggled at the thought. „Y/N!“, exclaimed that voice, thick with accent, concerned. Ah Shit. „Are ya alright? Ya not gonnae stand up, are ya?!“ „Would be interesting to see her try“, Doctor McCoy raised an eyebrow at this. You pulled your lower lip between your teeth and mumbled something to yourself best not heard by anyone but the gods that may or may not be watching you. „What the hell happened to you?“ his voice got husky with worry, at which you felt flattered. Only then did your eyes notice the blood on your clothes, splattering that uniform of yours. „Oh“, you said. „Ya alright?“, he repeated and strode over to you. You blushed. His hair had that light red shine in the light, his face stern, furrowed with what looked like honest concern on the edge to becoming alarmed. „It’s not my blood“, you answered as if that explained everything, whispering and blushing and turning your head away. This day could not possibly get any worse. „Ya look like shit, lass.“ - his warm hand touched your shoulder without much hesitation. „And like ya could use a drink.“ the color of your face now matched that of your shirt, as you turned to look at him again. It was now in the range of possibility to not understand anything he said - blood rushed through your ears too loudly. „I just want to go to my room, have a good couple of hours of sleep and I’ll be fit as a fresh day.“ How could you not feel flattered by his concerned face? How his eyes were tracing you, as if there was no medical tricorder in the galaxy he’d trust until he’d made sure for himself? „Doctor McCoy here won’t let me“, you added. The engineers hand still rested on your shoulder, his thumb now drawing small absent-minded circles on your back as he turned to speak to the Doctor. You didn’t really listen to what he said at this point. The intimate gesture send goose bumps down your arms. „She can go in the evening, when I’m sure she’s got no internal injuries. And I’ve got no more time to discuss with bull headed people who think they’ve got several years of medical study covered, because they „feel like it“, and with that, Bones turned around, scoffing at a nearby nurse and made it ever so clear that this discussion was over. The smile on Scottys face as he turned back to you was more of a half grin - clearly satisfied with himself. It was the warm, slightly impish expression of someone confident that if he could handle a Warp Core at Warp 9, he could take on a few other challenges in his life. It was also the expression of a man with a plan, which only slightly intimidated you. „Ya heard the doctor, lass.“ his hand lifted from your shoulder. You already started to miss the warmth.

„So…“, he began and there was a glint of laughter in his eyes, „Shall I escort you to your … room this evening?“

READ ON

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING THIS! PLEASE LET ME KNOW! :) YOU WANNA BE TAGGED? LET ME KNOW! :)

@kirk-enterprise @youre-on-a-starship @kaitymccoy123 @webhoard@inaugural13 @flowerbunbunny

#scotty x reader #montgomery scott #star trek fanfiction #fanfiction #scotty

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per-ineptia-ad-astra · 6 years ago

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Star Trek GK #27: Ice Journey

Our story begins with Kirk lamenting that they appear to have caused a civil war, possibly because the mere sight of those yellow suits drove people to violence. “This isn’t war,” the woman on the right helpfully tells us, “it’s madness!” It’s quite reasonable for her to be shocked, of course, since after all wars are usually very organized and polite affairs.

[ID: A comic splash page featuring three people in tight-fitting off-yellow jumpsuits on an icy planet while a group of blue humanoids with turtle-like shells fights a group of red humanoids in turtle-like shells in the background. The figure on the far left is saying, “I don’t believe it! We’re responsible for creating civil war in this planet! It’s impossible! The figure in the center is saying, “Illogical, Captain, not impossible!” The figure on the right is saying, “This isn’t war, it’s madness!”]

So last time they blew up a planet and this time they’ve started a civil war. I think I’m starting to see a pattern here.

The opening captain’s log tells us that the Enterprise is going to the planet Floe 1 to do a ‘special survey assignment.’ Scotty is apprehensive.

[ID: Scotty and Sulu facing each other in profile. Scotty is saying, “Darn right ye are—it’s hard enough to imagine being down there, our bones shivering away in the coldest planet of the federation!”]

Don’t worry Scotty, McCoy’s not even in this issue.

Kirk tells Scotty not to fret because he doesn’t have to do anything; only Kirk, Spock, and Dr. Krisp (whoever she is) are going down to the planet, and Kirk doesn’t anticipate any trouble because the Floe people are peaceful and cooperative—at least, according to the Federation annals. But Spock thinks there must be something up because “if there weren’t anything irregular about this planet, it would be highly illogical for the Federation to waste our time on a mere population survey...” Spock, buddy, I don’t know how to tell you this, but the Federation makes you run stupider errands than this all the time. Remember when you had to take your entire ship to go make sure two people got a routine checkup? Yeah.

The three of them suit up in their special ‘anti-freeze uniforms.’ Dr. Krisp reminds Kirk that if they breathe through their mouths or noses “the rapid condensation of our breaths in the atmosphere will choke us, so they’re to communicate through telepathy. Wait. What? TELEPATHY? WHEN DID THAT BECOME AN OPTION??

[ID: Spock zipping up his jumpsuit with a weirdly smug look on his face and saying, “Really?”]

ya rly

Spock thinks this is odd because their ‘screentest’ (what? Did they audition these people for a movie?) showed that the Floe people have a very similar metabolism to Earth people, also known as ‘humans’. Dr. Krisp says that’s one of the oddities that made her want to join the landing party. Oh, well, that explains everything, then.

[ID: Spock, Kirk and Krisp walking on to the bridge in their jumpsuits. Scotty, sitting in the captain’s chair, is saying, “Well! Look at this elegant trio! It makes me want to play bagpipes, it does!”]

thanks Scotty

Boy, that bridge sure doesn’t look like it does in the show. I’ll give them one thing, though: those sheer dorkiness of those outfits definitely is authentic to the show.

Sulu says the Floe people are expecting them and Kirk is all ready to depart, but the rest of the landing party reminds him to first grab some phasers and...tele-radios…?

[ID: Two comic panels. 1: Spock holding out two pink phasers and saying, “Right, Captain, but let’s not forget about these phasers...” 2. Dr. Krisp holding out two green devices and saying, “Or these tele-radios...who knows, if all goes well, maybe Scotty can beam down some background music and make the job less boring...”]

I guess all the communicators were broken. And presumably all the regular phasers, which is why they have to take the bright pink ones.

So they beam down to the ice.

[ID: Spock standing on an icefield, looking at his feet and saying, “I must say, these feet-binders are exceptionally well-built, Dr. Krisp...Earth people can be exceptionally practical at times...” In the background Kirk is looking at some domes rising out of the ice while Dr. Krisp turns back to Spock and says, “I told the engineer we were going on a special mission, not ice-skating...”]

yeah but on Earth we usually call them ‘shoes’

So much for communicating through telepathy. Or maybe they are? Maybe that explains how people are able to regularly talk with their mouths closed in these comics. Anyway, one would have thought that the extremely practical Earth people might have included some face masks with those suits, considering that apparently breathing out is deadly on this planet, but whatever.

There seems to be no one there at first, but then they start hearing some weird noises (like ‘fraaash’ and ‘fzoooom’) and suddenly the delegation appears nearby. They look like, well.

[ID: Kirk facing two approaching figures, who are humanoid with red scaly skin, sharply domed heads, and turtle-like shells over their chests, wearing no clothing except for a belt with a gun holster on the foremost one. Kirk is saying, “Thank you, delegate! I must say I wasn’t entirely prepared for...” and the foremost turtle-man says, “Meeting people who look like your Earth turtles?”]

For an extremely loose definition of ‘turtle’, sure.

Another turtle person approaches and welcomes Spock and Krisp (Kirk, apparently, is not welcome). “My name is Amara,” she says. “Delegate I, Sunaro, is my counter-leader...I believe you have met him...” Yeah, uh, we met him five seconds ago. Right here. You were there.

Apparently in the turtle system of government there are two parties, represented by Amara and Sunaro, but they’re both in power at once. “She does nothing without consulting me and I do nothing without consulting her...” Sunaro explains. And you actually manage to get things done that way? Wow, these people really ARE alien. I mean, the turtle thing is whatever, but that is unbelievable.

Spock wants to get going to the city to find out more about these weird turts and their weird government. Kirk asks if they’re not already in the city, but it turns out that the weird dome things standing around aren’t a part of the city—they contain the city, which is completely covered. As they approach one of these domes a chute opens out, which appears to be on fire. Then something weird happens.

[ID: Two turtle people stand in the flames gushing out of a chute in a wall, their shells melting off their torsos. Offscreen two people are saying, “So that’s it! They’re cracking their shells! That’s what the noise is all about!” and “Yes, now I see it! They have adapted to their rapidly changing atmospheric condition by sprouting protective shells whenever they are exposed to it...” A third person standing in the corner of the frame says, “And cracking them open whenever they enter a temperature which is right for their metabolism!”]

Dunno how well you can be protected from deadly cold by a shell that only covers your torso, but whatever. Kirk asks if this means the turts have “beaten time...or at least adapted to their environment with the same incredible velocity that their atmosphere appears to have changed?” Evidently so, Spock says, because “according to my calculations, this planet circles away from its sun and towards glaciation at the rate of an Earth century a year!” Wait, what? What does that even mean? Does Spock think Earth moves further away from the sun every hundred years?

Dr. Krisp says that the thing that puzzles her (...only one?) is that “even in the most advanced civilizations only a few beings manage to adapt completely! The rest either perish or...” Or what? Don’t leave us hanging here.

Spock wonders to himself just how many of the turts actually survived, and if this is really why the Federation wanted them to do a population survey. But at that point the turts turn the tables, training guns on the crew and saying that it looks like their mission won’t be pleasant after all because “your two learned colleagues have spoiled the fun.” I don’t know how they read Spock’s thought bubble. Maybe his telepathy was too loud. Anyway, Kirk gets grabbed by Sunaro while Amara shoots at the ground under Spock and Dr. Krisp, causing them to fall while Spock exclaims that his phaser is dead. Man, I knew we shouldn’t have brought the pink phasers.

Up on the ship a helmsman who might or might not be Sulu, it’s a little hard to tell, says he thinks he heard someone “beep on the radio” but now it’s gone. Scotty and Uhura both figure they should wait a while and not jump to any conclusions, though—no need to worry, the landing party will call if they need something. I mean, there’s never been a time when a landing party needed to contact the Enterprise and wasn’t able to.

But then Kirk does call them up. Sulu (it’s almost certainly Sulu this time) asks how things are going and Kirk says oh, they’re going fine, just dandy, there’s definitely not four turtle men pointing guns at me right now. “I’m afraid the survey will take longer than expected,” he says. “We’re going to need Lieutenant Uhuru to come down and lend a hand...err...” GUYS HER NAME IS UHURA HOW HARD IS IT TO GET THAT RIGHT COME ON.

Kirk gives some bullshit about needing Uhura to come help him communicate with the leaders. The bridge crew find this a bit suspicious. Or, as Sulu puts it, “Gee, the captain seems awfully repetitious and long-winded...I wonder what he is trying to tell us!” Yes. Well put. Anyway, Uhura figures Kirk might need help, so she’s going to, uh, march right down there, alone, directly into whatever might be going on, without any information. Great plan.

Down on the planet, Sunaro tells Kirk that, “You will have your court stenographer, Uhura, take down the report as we have dictated it to you! If you play your part right, no one will be hurt and your friends will be released! Otherwise, I’m afraid you will find the alternative most unpleasant!” Wait wait wait you think Uhura is WHAT

Kirk wants to know why they’re doing all this since the Enterprise came in peace, and Sunaro tells him “Peace is the idealist’s word for nonsense!” Right. Sure. Anyway, apparently they were once a happy people admired all over the solar system even though they spent their time herding goats in their underwear.

[ID: A beige-skinned and shell-less turtle person wearing boots and a loincloth sits in a grass field next to some goat-like creatures while another turtle-person waves at them. The narration box reads, “Our grass was green, our people industrious, our bodies perfect! Floe I was the most beautiful planet in existence when we joined the Federation! And then came a fate so unexpected...a curse...I believe Mr. Spock and Dr. Krisp are catching a glimpse of it right now!”]

think you might be overselling things a bit here

Meanwhile, Spock and Dr. Krisp have been cast into Hell, I guess. Cool.

[ID: Narration box: “Elsewhere, deep in the Floe city...” Spock and Dr. Krisp in a transparent cell are being lowered into a sea of flames full of blue turtle-people reaching their hands up and making sounds like “Urrrgh!” “Ooh!” “Oohm!” and “Aaaah!” Spock is saying, “So this was the future of the Floe I mutants! A world of mad, jailed people!” and Dr. Krisp is saying, “At the moment, Mr. Spock, we are no freer than they are! In fact, we are caged animals in their zoo!”]

So it’s part two, Uhura’s been captured along with Kirk (and boy is she giving him a dirty look) while Spock and Krisp have descended into an inferno full of blue turtle-people.

[ID: A comic splash page divided diagonally. In the top half, Kirk and Uhura are sitting in manacled to chairs, being watched over by two armed turtle-men. The narration box reads, “Captain’s Log: Star Date 20:27.5. Lieutenant Uhura and I are being held prisoners by the two leaders of Floe I—Dr. Krisp and Mr. Spock have vanished! It is clear that Amara and Sunaro intend to do away with the crew and me as soon as Lieutenant Uhura writes a false report about their mad society for the Federation...my only hope is that we manage to fool these tyrants and come out alive...I have lost all communication with the Enterprise!” In the lower half, Spock and Dr. Krisp are standing in their cell looking out at the blue-turtle people. Dr. Krisp is saying, “These people are burning up!...And still, they’re alive!” while Spock says, “I would be hard-pressed to define what life is under these conditions, Dr. Krisp!”]

As you can see, Uhura’s back to being white in this story. Actually I had a look through both my books and it appears that the only story in which she has an accurate skin tone (well, as accurate as anyone gets to be in these comics) is the last one we covered, The Perfect Dream. I don’t know if they hired a colorist with some integrity for just that one issue or what.

Down below, Spock and Dr. Krisp get cast into the flames.

[ID: Spock and Dr. Krisp slide down into the flames, surrounded by turtle-people. Spock is saying, “Watch out for those flames, Dr. Krisp! What’s death to us is evidently life to them!” Dr. Krips is saying, “I believe that’s just what their leader and counter-leader have in mind for us...we’re being burned at the stake for knowing too much, just like it happened on Earth, light years ago!”]

Light years ago?

[ID: A screenshot from the end of the battle in a Pokemon game, in which a boy in camping gear is saying, “Light-years isn’t time...it measures distance!”]

The blue turts tell Spock and Dr. Krisp that despite spending all their time flailing around and reaching out desperately they are perfectly normal people who are not to be feared. Apparently the red turts won’t give them the ‘mutation-speeding serum’ so “all [their] body fluids are freezing inside [them],” because they turned out blue and not red. And then they all got put into a giant chamber of fire.

[ID: Dr. Krisp wading through the fire and thinking, “Just as I thought! These people are really no different from Sunaro, Amara and their crowd! They are simply being punished because their bodies mutate into a different color!” In the foreground Spock is saying, “Dr. Krisp! Come here, I believe I’ve made a most interesting discovery!”]

you know I think this might be an allegory for something but it’s so subtle I just can’t tell

For all that talk about “what’s life to them is death to us” Spock and Dr. Krisp seem to be pretty not bothered by walking around in a blazing inferno. Spock soon discovers a giant computer screen in the midst of the flames which he thinks is controlling the blue turts. “They’re being killed slowly to set an example to others who do not follow their leaders’ orders!” he says. In my experience computers don’t work too well when they’re in the middle of a sea of fire, but I guess the turts are just advanced that way. Why they’re apparently recording the proceedings with a giant computer instead of, say, a camera is another question.

Spock and Dr. Krisp are like “yeah we should probably try to get out of here” but are interrupted by the cries of parents whose daughter has just died, which really shouldn’t be funny, and yet.

[ID: Spock saying, “I believe I have a way of...” as he and Dr. Krisp turn to see two turtle people standing and kneeling over the body of a third, saying, “AHHHHHHH! HELP! HELP! It’s Jdula—our youngest daughter—the metabolic imbalance has finally destroyed her...perhaps she’ll be happier now!” and “Her suffering has stopped...but ours has been doubled!”]

So...the turts mutated into red turts and blue turts. The red turts invented a mutation-speeder serum that allows them to adapt to the freezing conditions. Without this serum they’ll suffer a metabolic imbalance that will kill them, which seems to be a separate problem from just dying because it’s really cold. The red turts went all Star-Bellied Sneetches and declared that the blue turts were inferior so instead of getting the serum they were stuck in a giant room of fire, which is either killing them or keeping them alive until the metabolic imbalance kills them, or maybe both. And somehow their clothes haven’t caught on fire. Okay.

Spock and Dr. Krisp figure the best way to help the blue turts is to get them the serum, so they ask if anyone knows where it is. One blue turt tells them it won’t do any good because many of their people have already died trying to find it, then another one says that the Federation visitors might be their only hope except it’s probably impossible anyway, then another one says that they’ll tell them where the serum is on the condition that they set the blue turts free and then leave the planet forever, and Spock muses that it’s tricky because the Federation wouldn’t want them to be instruments of vengeance. All that happens in one panel, by the way.

Meanwhile, Kirk is being forced to give his report while Court Stenographer Uhura transmits it. “And so based on our thorough analysis,” he says, “we are forced to conclude that the Floe 1 planet adheres to the peaceful laws, er, uh...of the Federation and that in their er, uh...counter democracy everyone is treated, er, ah...”

Sunaro thinks this is suspicious and warns Kirk not to try any tricks, but Uhura reassures him.

[ID: Uhura saying, “It’s the captain’s normal speech pattern, honorable Sunaro...especially when he’s talking into a machine...”]

wow just come straight for William Shatner’s life there, damn

Turns out Kirk was stalling (oh so subtly) to give Uhura time to scramble the message. She succeeded, but unfortunately the turts have caught on.

[ID: Uhura standing next to Kirk, who is seated at a desk holding a transmitter, while Amara and Sunaro approach them along with a third turtle-man. Amara is saying, “Captain, I’m afraid our sensors indicated that your message has not been getting through and therefore...” Sunaro, drawing his gun, continues, “And therefore I’m afraid we’ll have to exterminate you, or rather, melt you!”]

Sunaro remembers just in time that ‘exterminate’ belongs to another sci-fi series.

Y’know, I’m not sure if I’m more concerned by the fact that the turtle woman has breasts or the fact that all the turtle men are wearing nothing but tight black briefs and boots.

Well, Kirk and Uhura aren’t going out without a fight scene. A terrible, terrible fight scene.

[ID: Kirk and Uhura punching Amara and Sunaro, who exclaim, “Arrgh!” and “Ouch!” while Kirk says, “There you scoundrels!”]

Before things can get any worse—if that’s possible—Spock and Dr. Krisp burst in, holding a strange disc pointed at the turts. “Not so fast, you ruthless dictators!” Spock declares. “Release the captain and the lieutenant or I shall drain the serum out of you and leave you to freeze like you have left your people in the Blue Chamber!”

It seems this disc they’ve found neutralizes the serum, causing the turts to begin to freeze to death. The...mutation-speeder serum. So...what, do they un-mutate? Also, how does a glowy disc act as an antidote to an internal serum? Also, what is happening?

With the turts forced to stand down, Spock explains to Kirk that despite being the minority of the population, the red turts control the entire planet. Any blue turts who rebel are sent to be tortured in the Blue Chamber, while the rest are slaves. Apparently the blue turts gave Spock and Dr. Krisp this disc (how Spock and Dr. Krisp then got out of the Blue Chamber is not explained). The reason the blue turts haven’t used the discs themselves is because without the serum, anyone who escapes the Blue Chamber immediately dies of frostbite. So...the Blue Chamber is where the blue turts are sent to be tortured and die to serve as an example to the rest...and it’s also what keeps them alive? Do the red turts think it’s not effective enough if the blue turts die too quickly, or did they just set the whole place on fire just to be extra mean?

Spock explains how he used Logic to find the room they’re in, which is apparently directly above where the serum is produced. Dr. Krisp explains that, “The discs were easy to obtain—the red Floe 1 citizens did not count on the fact that the blue Floe 1 prisoners discovered the disc arsenal lay hidden behind a panel right in the Blue Chamber--” So they...put the weapons that are deadly to them...in the room where all the prisoners who have a lot of motive to kill them are kept...prisoners who could use those weapons without fear because they don’t have the serum themselves. Right. I’m starting to see why these guys are going extinct.

But then! Sunaro and Amara do...something.

[ID: A narration box says, “Suddenly...” Amara and Sunaro are standing next to a control panel at the back of the room. The other three landing party members are arrayed around Uhura, who is lit up and exclaiming, “They’ve got me stuck to a live wire! He...help...awh...” Spock is saying, “Stand back, captain! They’ve taken control of the panels!” while Kirk says, “Hold it Sunaro! Turn the life-current back on or I’ll fire!”]

Even with everyone shouting narration about it I have no idea what’s going on in this panel.

They enter a stand-off, with Kirk demanding they let Uhura go or his report to the Federation will be very cross. Amara says okay, they’ll all be released, and opens a trap door underneath them. Why...why was that even there?

But Amara’s incredibly genius move only results in the crew landing exactly where they wanted to go anyway: the serum chamber.

[ID: A page showing a large stone room with high dais next to a staircase in the background, while in the foreground there is some strange machinery and two red turtle-people bathing in stone tubs Blue turtle people are walking around carrying vats and attending to the machines while Amara, Sunaro and their goon descend the stairs. The Enterprise crew have landed on the dais. The narration box reads “And as Amara releases Lt. Uhura, the floor under them caves in and they find themselves in the serum laboratory...” Spock or possibly Kirk is saying, “So this is it! An ingenious people, the Floe I...” while Dr. Krisp says, “The serum is given them through osmosis, by a simple process through their skins—by just bathing!”]

‘Ingenious’ is not the word I would use to describe these people.

Amara and Sunaro come downstairs and ask Kirk what he plans to do now (I guess they’ve just given up on stopping him). Kirk wants them to free all the blue turts and give the serum to everyone, which of course they refuse to do, because the blue turts are so inferior they’d just wreck everything. So Dr. Krisp (I think—it’s a little hard to tell with everyone wearing those suits) yells out to the blue turts that they bring a message from the turts in the Blue Chamber: they need the serum to survive. One would...sort of think the blue turts would know that already.

But apparently all that the blue turts needed to spark a rebellion was a message from a random person telling them something they should have already been well aware of, because they yell out that this is what they’ve been waiting for, and start smashing the vats of serum and attacking the red turts. As the brawl spills out across the city, the landing party sneak out and beam back to the Enterprise.

Back on the ship, Scotty (who was apparently just about to send backup) asks why the heck Kirk just left the turts down there in the middle of a civil war. “As you know, it’s against the laws of the Federation to interfere with any planet we set out to explore,” Kirk explains. Yeah, it’s perfectly fine to start a civil war, but stopping one? Out of the question.

As Kirk continues, though, it wasn’t just that old Prime Directive thing that made them leave. He explains that Floe 1 is doomed anyway—it’s moving away from its sun quicker than the turts can produce the serum, and will soon end “in ice and then nothingness.” The turts, red and blue, all knew that they had only a few days left to live, and could have been saved if they had asked the Federation for help earlier. But the red turts were more concerned with going down in history as an ideal people, hence wanting the last report to the Federation to be about how great they were. An entire species too busy fighting each other and trying to advance their own interests to avert death by climate disaster? Ha ha, that would never happen. This sci-fi stuff, so implausible.

Scotty can’t understand why the turts would spend their last few days fighting a war when they know they’re all going to die soon anyway. Spock explains.

[ID: Spock saying to Scotty, “I believe Earth people have a word for it, Scotty, a word missing in the Vulcan dictionary—that word is hope!”]

“It’s a word which does not appear in the Vulcan dictionary, which is why I just used it in a context that frankly makes no sense.”

Thus ends another story of the GK Enterprise crew screwing up an entire planet. The Wacky Aliens Who Hate Each Other For Being Different Colors plot might have worked a little better if they hadn’t made the entire human cast white. Including Uhura. I think I still would’ve been just as confused at the end of it, though.

#Star Trek #Star Trek Gold Key #GK 27 Ice Journey #recap tag #star trek gold key recaps #GK 27 Ice Journey recap

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