#guess it's Healthy Saturday. wishing everyone who sees this post a Healthy Saturday Night god bless
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that post about imagining naruto to help you brush your teeth is so me with garl tbh. this has been a straight up harrowing year for me as far as food is concerned but somehow i’m emerging from it with a happier and healthier relationship with cooking and eating than i’ve ever had in my life and if becoming obsessed with a happy little pixel guy who saves the world with a giant loaf of bread helped me get there then right on, grab that pot lid am i right
#took me a couple replays to notice how often garl says Right On. it’s a very endearing catchphrase to me bcs it reminds me of my mom lol#anyway i did some serious improvising in the kitchen tonight and hot damn it turned out pretty good!!!#i've always so badly envied people who can throw together a great meal with whatever they have on hand while low on groceries#probably sounds basic as hell but it's felt like an impossibly lofty goal to me forever and now i just. suddenly kind of Am this person#it's NUTS it's like a fucking switch flipped. sure i'm struggling with some other stuff rn but i'm cooking every day baby. life's okay#[edit omfg i made a typo there. did not mean to say i was 'cooking every baby']#also... lol? this plus posting on bsky about my shiny pokemon sleep quaxly named abba has been my only online activity all day#guess it's Healthy Saturday. wishing everyone who sees this post a Healthy Saturday Night god bless#text posts
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FLOURISHED SUN
I take the marble staircase two steps at a time with Brandon on my heels. He begs for me to slow down, but with my father’s office doors in sight, I refuse. Without knocking, I barge in, using such a force that sends the large doors slamming into the walls they hinge on. It startles my father, who jerks his head towards me.
“A curfew?!” I cry out.
Brandon, just now catching up, nearly rams into me as he enters the room with momentum. “Miss Burrell,” he says formally. “Your father has asked to not be disturbed.”
“It’s all right, Brandon,” my father assures, voice impeccably calm.
I start again. “I mean, shutting down schools, I can understand! Not telling me there were twenty-three other deaths, I can excuse because it’s confidential. But a curfew? Really?!”
He stands from his desk. “Yes, Delaney, really. Until everyone is medicated properly, I have to make sure there is as little contact as possible between the contagious and healthy.” He walks to me, words growing more heated by the second. “And as for the little stunt you pulled tonight. Leaving the house without permission? What were you thinking?!”
“For Christ’s sake, I had Brandon there for protection!”
“And I’m sure he agrees that, regardless, you were too close to that boy that you know damn well is sick.”
My jaw tightens. “You told him about Ernie?” I ask, turning to Brandon.
Father answers, “He called me from the diner before the speech, as he should have. And because you tricked him, and disobeyed my wishes, I’m putting you under house arrest.”
“What?!”
“The guard at the front gate has been informed of this decision, and Brandon is to stay here, around the clock until further notice, to ensure you pull no funny business like you did tonight.”
I throw my arms up. “What is so wrong with wanting to see him one la—”
“Delaney!” he raises his voice. “We will not be discussing this any further in the company of a guest!”
At those words, I peer over my father’s shoulder. Sure enough, a man that looks vaguely familiar—perhaps I’ve seen him at dinner parties or public events—sits in one of the two chairs placed in front of the desk, watching the whole ordeal.
The man rises from his chair. “Please, Samuel, do not stop on my account. The work day is technically over, and family matters must be...attended to, nonetheless,” he says in a deliberate tone. “But, if I may introduce myself, I am Zachary Masters—”
I interrupt him, now knowing how I recognize him. “Parliament member, and the man who will be appointed Interim Leader if anything were to...happen to my father.”
We’ve been at several occasions, in many of the same rooms, but I’ve never been formally introduced to him—if one could even call this a formal introduction. He was always with other government officials, whilst I grouped with several other daughters and sons of those officials. From far away, he looked kind, his greying hair gave him a grandfatherly vibe. Now as we stand with closer proximity, and I can feel the full force of his dark eyes upon me, I almost want to coward away, even if his gaze isn’t intentional. But this isn’t about him, and I can’t lose what spite I have towards my father so easily.
The room grows strangely quiet in the vocalisation of my words. Zachary takes to looking at his shoes as I turn to my father, who avoids my gaze. It lasts for a moment, before a ring of a telephone on my father’s desk sounds. He’s sighs, glancing at Zachary before turning to attend to the phone call.
Father attempts to answer the call in a hushed tone as I focus once more on Zachary.
“So, what are you doing here?” I cross my arms in front of my chest. “Is there something he’s not telling me?”
Zachary senses the hesitation in my question. “Oh, no, no! There is nothing wrong with your father, I can assure you. No, I am simply here to assist Samuel in some work.”
“What kind of work?”
He pauses, and I can see the debate with himself to answer or avoid me. “Well, we’ve been in contact with America—their labs, the embassy, Congress, even the President—pretty much nonstop for the last day. We’re are trying to find the origins of the virus, and what the best way to distribute the medicine is. Basically, just where to go from here, with what we know.”
“And what do you know?” I ask.
He grins. “I’m sure you understand why I cannot disclose that information, Miss Burrell.”
***
friday night
Delaney: brandon told my dad i saw you tonight
he put me on house arrest
Ernie: wtf
Why would he do that?
Delaney: i didn’t tell Brandon that you were gonna be at the diner
Ernie: why not?
Delaney: I’m not technically supposed to see you whilst you’re still sick
Ernie: Delaney!
Delaney: what?! I wanted to see you and just have a nice night
Ernie: but something could’ve happened
u could be sick
Delaney: i could be sick regardless
I’ll just get the medication like everyone else on Monday and everything will be fine
Ernie: can I call you, or facetime?
Delaney: not unless you want brandon to hear everything we say
He’s “posted” outside my room and my door “must remain open unless I’m changing”
Ernie: sigh
I guess i won’t be able to see your pretty face for a while then, huh
Delaney: you’re a dork
but sadly no
Ernie: you like this dork
Delaney: hmmmmm
Perhaps
saturday
Delaney: i feel like i might go stir crazy if i have to sit in my room for the rest of the weekend
Avoiding food>getting another lecture
Ernie: [imaged attached]
you could look at this instead :*
monday
Ernie: [imaged attached]
Look at this queue outside of Boots
We’ll be here for hours
Delaney: is there nowhere else a little less crowded?
Ernie: nope all the same
A lot more people than i thought need this stuff too
Delaney: well let me know when you get towards the front
Ernie: hopefully it won’t take too long
I’m not feeling very well and Ty is noticing
Delaney: please stay safe <3 keep me updated
tuesday
Delaney: hey
I hate being that girlfriend that keeps tabs on you
But you didn’t text me back yesterday
Is everything okay? Are you feeling better?
Ernie: hey, sorry about that
It was a long da y
did u get the meds???
Delaney: yeah, dad brought home some of the pills instead of the injections
But are you sure you’re okay?
We never use text slang with each other
Ernie: i cant starw at the scrreen to long
I think a symptom of gettn the shot is migrains
wednesday
Delaney: how are you feeling today?
Delaney: You might still have a migraine so maybe that’s why you aren’t answering
If you get a chance to read this, though, just let me know you’re okay
Delaney: please answer my texts, Ernie
It’s worrying me sick to not hear from you
thursday
Ernie: delaney
Delaney: thank God you finally answered
I’ve been pacing around all day
Are you okay
Is everything alright
Ernie: the medicine isn’t working
Ty didn’t make it
And I don’t feel so good
***
I will for the words on the screen to change. Maybe if I stare at them long enough, the letters will shift, and he’ll be telling me that all is well. The medicine is working. Everyone is healthy. Ty is not dead.
Ty is not dead.
He can’t be. He was feeling better last week. If Ty was feeling better, that means everyone else sick would feel better, too. They have to feel better. They can’t die.
Ernie can’t die.
When I was old enough ask my dad about my mum, I also asked why he didn’t remarry. He told me that, after her death, he was in a state of shock, and then grief struck, followed by a period of depression. He said it was the worst time of his life. He knew, that even after losing my mum, he couldn’t remarry. His grief was as large as love, and he knew he’d never love someone else that same way.
I understand the first feeling of shock now.
The difference between him and me, though, is that I have a warning. My shock comes before any loss, and it’s crippling.
But there’s one thing on my mind: I am getting out of here.
No tears have formed, but when I call, “Brandon,” there’s a notable shake in my voice.
Through what little open space there is in my door, he responds, “Yes, Miss Burrell?”
“Could you please shut the door, I’m going to change. And then, I’ll go to bed.”
It’s fairly dark outside, so I know Brandon will believe my lie, thinking that I’m getting ready for bed. I wait just a few seconds to run on tiptoes to my window. My bedroom is on the first floor, overlooking the road to the house’s front door, where Brandon would always drop me off. Where the reporters once stood across the street. As I push up the window, I see no one on the street at all.
Thankfully, on the ground floor, below my bedroom, there is an alcove that juts out from the house, allowing a small roof just outside my window. I do not bother shutting my window as I step outside. Brandon won’t check my room for the rest of the night, thinking I’m asleep, so I keep it open to sneak back in the morning.
The distance from the ledge to the ground isn’t far. I sit down with my legs over the edge, and then slowly twist around, so my front is against the blue bricks as I hang on with what very little upper body strength I have. Then I let go.
With bent knees, my feet hit the green ground quickly. I catch myself from falling over into the damp grass, but waste no time in surveying the area once more. The easiest way to get to Mayfair, where Ernie lives, is the back streets. Last I saw, and heard from Dad, there’s only one guard on the perimeter, and he’s at the gates in the front.
I start to run in the opposite direction.
***
Ernie’s mum answers the door after three rounds of persistent knocking. She’s wearing a bathrobe, likely never having changed from it this morning, and her brown hair looks unkempt. In one hand is a box of tissues, and in the other, a balled-up tissue that she raises to her reddening nose before speaking.
“Delaney, what are you doing here?” she asks, mouth hanging open at the sight of me.
Tears that were kept back as I ran appear suddenly, clouding my vision. “I heard about Ty.” My voice trembles. “Ernie told me. And I am so sorry, I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. But can I please see him? I need to see Ernie, please.”
She looks hesitant at first. We both know what allowing me inside means; the medicine doesn’t work, and anyone who steps across the threshold is going to be, at the very least, exposed. But after studying my pleading eyes and dejected form, how desperately I need to see Ernie regardless of the consequences, her elbow nudges the door open. I thank her profusely, stepping by her to get inside, ready to dash to Ernie’s room. The low sound of Mrs. Winland calling my name again stops me.
When I turn towards her, she nods and says, “Make it count.”
She walks into a different room, leaving me with her vague instructions. It’s not hard to connect the dots, though.
With Ernie.
Make it count with Ernie.
With that, I start down the hallway to his room. Family portraits and school photos, even Ty’s drawings, hang along the walls, but I don’t look at them. I can’t bare the think that the little boy will only remain in the photographs and the art he created, forever immortalised behind a piece of glass and four cornered frames. I can’t even bring myself to think about looking at the older boy in the pictures, so I keep my head down until I reach his door and push through without delay.
He doesn’t hear me come in. He also doesn’t hear the small click the door makes as it closes behind me. I begin to wonder if he’s asleep, but as I move around his bed, wading between the piles of clothes on the floor which were never there before, I see his eyes are open and looking out the window next on the parallel wall.
“Ernie?”
He suddenly snaps to attention. When he sent me a cheeky selfie last Saturday, I thought he looked a little worse for wear than he did the previous night I saw him. But, as I watch him now, I can see the sheen of sweat covering his sinking facial features. His skin is paler, which is saying a lot for someone who lives in a city that receives very little sun to begin with. Even from my distance, I can see a notable change in his irises; a few off-white spots have appeared close to the edge of them, standing out against the brown colour.
I lose all words. I’m not even sure if I had any coming in.
He shifts under his pile of blankets, no doubt the source of his sweating, but I can also make out the slight shivering to his body. “De...What are you doing here?” he asks with a hoarse voice.
I sob.
“I had to come see you,” I force out. “I’m not going to let you be alone when you said you weren’t feeling well.”
He frowns. “I-I said that?”
Ernie poses the question more for himself than me. I walk closer, sitting down on the edge of his bed. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here now, and I’ll be here. With you.”
“No…” He starts to shake his head. “No, but you shouldn’t be here. Y-you could get sick. No, no, no.”
As if to prove it, he begins to cough.
“I don’t care anymore,” I stress. “I could already be sick and just not know! But I do know that I am going to stay beside you, regardless of any virus, or parents, or the fucking rapture!”
He looks over my shoulder, eyes going out of focus like he’s daydreaming. When he glances at me again, he asks, “Why are you crying?”
It only makes me cry more. “Because I love you, damn it.”
These words aren’t a revelation. We said them for the first time a few months ago, but only sparingly since then. For the special occasions or moments when we were caught up in each other. We never take the words lightly, and always cherish them greatly.
Make it count.
Ernie’s frown grows in confusion. “You shouldn’t be crying because you love me.”
“My grief is as great as my love,” I whisper. “And I haven’t even lost you yet.”
He doesn’t seem to have heard my words, his attention is back to the window. I stare at it with him, willing myself to calm down at least a little. There’s nothing outside of his window except the view of another building, but having something to focus on helps for the moment. Ernie coughs at times, and at one point, I feel him shift until his hand is free from the confiding blankets, reaching for mine. It’s a small comfort to know that, whilst it seems his mind is somewhere else completely, he’s still present in some form.
Eventually, he speaks again. “Do you want to lay down?”
Make it count.
“I want to kiss you.”
I don’t think it’s what he expected me to say from the look on his face, a look reminds me of the healthy Ernie. He says with a small smirk, “We could do both.”
I laugh. I am actually able to laugh in such a moment, after a week of feeling like I’d never laugh again.
So, caution is completely stranded on the side of the road as I lay down on his right side, on top of his mounds of blankets. And I set an alarm for five in the morning, early enough to run back home before anyone else wakes up. And I kiss Ernie, because I want to make everything count.
And I wait for morning, praying it will never come.
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Peace Out 2017. You Truly Sucked Balls.
Happy New Year everyone! My hope going into 2018 is that I make it out alive. Gotta set those expectations pretty low so you're never disappointed. Life tip #987 for you guys ;)
Let me catch you up on the last week or so as it's been a little bit since I've written anything. Christmas came and went super fast per usual. There's always so much build up and then you sneeze and it's over. Christmas was a tad emotional this year. It's a rough time of year for us crazies who are obsessing over having a child since reminders are absolutely everywhere. I would like to take my screaming child to sit on creepy Santa's lap or have them be the center of my adorable Christmas card, naked, wrapped in lights on a fur rug (see my last post for a nice visual of Paul in this same scenario). Instead, I just get to look at everyone else's pictures of their petrified child sitting on creepy mall Santa's lap. It's not as fun; I'd rather traumatize my own child. Christmas Eve day was spent pretty much just ugly crying all over the place. I couldn't let it slow me down since I had things that needed to get done, like wrapping ALL of the gifts and getting myself thrown together for Christmas Eve with my family. So, I just ugly cried while doing all of things I needed to get done. What a f*cking mess that was. Ask Paul, it wasn't pretty. Wrapping presents is difficult enough for me (I'm incredibly bad at wrapping) but doing it through swollen seeping eyes was a whole other level of difficult. By the end, the presents were soggy and mangled, just how everyone likes 'em! My day of emotional turmoil sparked some super intense hot flashes so that was fun too. Can't say my day wasn't eventful.
I eventually pulled my shit together, as I can usually do, and got myself over to my sister's house to celebrate with my family. You may be getting the idea at this point that I am super unstable and a really depressed person. That's not all true. Yes, I am incredibly unstable right now so keeping your distance is well advised, but I am not a completely miserable person. I still have a lot of happy moments but those ones aren't as fun to tell you guys about because then it seems like I'm bragging. I'd rather show you all my lowest and most pathetic moments because those are more fun to laugh at. I may have some pretty sick humor, take it up with my family, they taught me this behavior. Anyways, Christmas with my family was enjoyable as always. They usually pull me out of my funk; it's probably the sick sense of humor we all share. The rest of Christmas was relaxed and uneventful, nothing to write home about. I was super thankful for a mellow Christmas this year; it's exactly what we needed after the hectic year we just barely made it through.
The following week was blah. The week between Christmas and New Years always feels off, like no one knows what day it is, everything is dark and dreary, time doesn't exist and the only thing there is to do is eat all the left over crap from Christmas. I mean, am I wrong? I spent my week on a boat. Don't get all jealous, I wasn't actually on a boat, my body just felt like it. It's a fun adventure MS has added to my life. It's awesome! I always get to feel like I'm on a sweet ocean vacation but I'm actually just bashing between the stall walls in the bathroom at work. Literally. I sway back and forth and ping-pong between walls. It's cool though, I just tell everyone I'm drunk. This is probably frowned upon at work but screw it, I like to live on the edge.
New Years Eve came up fast. As usual, Paul and I made plans to go out and drink with friends to ring in the new year the correct way, drunk. And, as usual, my body wasn't cooperating. Friday I had some cool burning whilst peeing. You're welcome for the TMI. I for sure thought a UTI was going to ring in the new year with me. Saturday I woke up to burning while peeing, horrible pelvic and back cramps and my most favorite friend...my monthly destroyer. Blood. Blood? Wait, what the f*ck? I am on lupron for this exact reason, to keep this guy at bay. My cool body just does whatever the hell it wants though. It defies all the odds, but not in the cool matrix style way, more of in the "you have a .02% chance of experiencing this side effect" way...and then I experience the side effect. Sunday, New Years Eve, I woke up to even more pain, blood and tears. Oh God, so many tears. This is really becoming the norm for me. The day was spent curled up with heating pads on my front and back with intermittent sobbing. Mostly, I was disappointed my plans for the night would now be laying on the couch trying not to die. Another thing my body ruined for us.
I'm starting to lose sight of why I'm doing the lupron at all. It was supposed to be a way to give my body a six month break from the bleeding and pain, but it just rears it's ugly head anyways. Oh well, one more month to go. My doctor gave me estrogen patches to help with the 'she-devil' side-effect of the lupron. Estrogen is one of endometriosis' main catalysts but I figured my doctors knew what they were doing putting me on it. Guess not. It's the reason for the most recent pain and bleeding. Now I'm in this weird vortex of taking lupron to help with pain and bleeding and taking estrogen to help with the lupron only to end up with pain and bleeding. Um, what? This sure makes a lot of sense.
So anyways, Paul and I rang in the New Year sound asleep. Leading up to that, we binge-watched Black Mirror on Netflix and ate complete garbage since we're back to our healthier way of life today. By the way, if you haven't watched Black Mirror, go watch it, it's crazy. Also by the way, if you haven't tried Mochi, go buy some. It's my new obsession. The best thing about not going out last night, no hangover today! What a great way to start the new year, haven't done this in years!
Last year, I made the resolution that I was going to get pregnant. 2017 was our year! Smart. Really set myself up for failure with that one. Do me a favor and do not make a resolution that is not within your control. I may have not ended up with a baby, but you know what awesome thing 2017 did give to me? MS. I hope you can feel my sarcasm oozing out of your screen right now. No but really, set goals for the year that are obtainable and within your control. That is exactly what I have done this year. My three goals that I can achieve every single day are to eat healthy, move my body and ease my mind. Easy enough, right? Side note, if I say "exercise" I will not do it; I hate exercising. If I say "move my body," I'll definitely do it because it's fun. I specifically like to move my body to music. No one else really likes when I do this though. I may have the most awkward white girl moves you've ever seen, but I'm doing the damn thing, so deal with it, or avert your eyes. Also, my goal of easing my mind can be achieved in many different ways and will always be something I enjoy so I can't possibly fail at that. I can meet that goal daily by reading something I enjoy, writing to you fine folks, writing more privately, yoga, listening to music or trying something new. Meditation is something new I'm dabbling in. I have a crazy loud and obnoxious mind and getting it to quiet is definitely going to take some practice so wish me luck!
I'm not going to say "2018 is our year" because I saw how well that's worked out for me the last few years. 2018 is just another year and who knows what the hell it will bring my way so I'm going to go into it hoping for the best but expecting the worst; that way I can't possibly be disappointed, right? What's that you say? I seem to be a tad pessimistic? Like father like daughter ;) Seriously though, I'm not expecting miracles this year, even though they would be welcomed, but I am expecting to make changes that are within my control. I will take it one day at a time and enjoy each moment, even the moments I'm clutching a heating pad, scream-crying in agony and bleeding more than any human ever should without dying. You're welcome for that visual. Happy New Year my people!
#infertility#illness#lupron#new year#ttc#menopause#Women Problems#new years resolution#period problems#MSWArrior#Multiple Sclerosis#PCOS#pcosfighter#pcoswarrior#endometriosis#endofighter#endowarrior#endo#cysters#Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome#2017 sucked
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HAPPY SATURDAY CENTIPEDES 🐛💖🐛💖🐛💖🐛I hope everyone is enjoying this beautiful afternoon! It's your girl /u/Ivaginaryfriend back at it again with another DANK Presidential recap!So sit back, relax, and let us BASK IN THE GLORY OF THIS TRANSPARENT ADMINISTRATION TOGETHER!!!Sunday, December 10th:🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:Things are going really well for our economy, a subject the Fake News spends as little time as possible discussing! Stock Market hit another RECORD HIGH, unemployment is now at a 17 year low and companies are coming back into the USA. Really good news, and much more to come!Getting closer and closer on the Tax Cut Bill. Shaping up even better than projected. House and Senate working very hard and smart. End result will be not only important, but SPECIAL!Very little discussion of all the purposely false and defamatory stories put out this week by the Fake News Media. They are out of control - correct reporting means nothing to them. Major lies written, then forced to be withdrawn after they are exposed...a stain on America!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Employed every race and religion on the planet...gets called a racist. The left is full of lies and hatred. DJT is a great man!!Current State of the left.Stop Child Abuse!This is why California goes red in 2018 and 2020.HOLY SHIT!! Don Jr. just nuked Takei from orbit.🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:In honor of us having 538k "official" centipedes, I'm just going to leave this photo of Nate Plastic right here.This Tweet did not age wellSeeing A wild Pede out in the Wild.At Starcucks no less!Man of the year, every year.Just a couple liberals waiting for their daily dose of fake news.Monday, December 11th:TODAY'S ACTION:President Donald J. Trump Will Make America a Leader in Space Exploration AgainRemarks By President Trump and Vice President Pence at Signing Ceremony for Space Policy Directive – 1F.H. Buckley: “GOP tax bill is good for middle-class Americans”Statement from President Donald J. Trump Regarding Today’s Attack in New York CityFour Nominations Sent to the Senate TodayPresidential Memorandum on Reinvigorating America’s Human Space Exploration ProgramText of a Letter from the President to the Speaker of the House of Representatives and the President Pro Tempore of the SenatePresident Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Nominate Personnel to Key Administration Posts🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:Another false story, this time in the Failing @nytimes, that I watch 4-8 hours of television a day - Wrong! Also, I seldom, if ever, watch CNN or MSNBC, both of which I consider Fake News. I never watch Don Lemon, who I once called the “dumbest man on television!” Bad Reporting.SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Wife of demoted DOJ official worked for firm behind anti-Trump dossierLive Thread: Explosion Reported in New YorkMaduro Bans OppositionOh Please No one is going to get murdered.🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:She's at it again.New York ExplosionK...?ALMOST HAD IT!"THE DUMBEST MAN ON TELEVISION!"Tuesday, December 12th:TODAY'S ACTION:Richmond Times-Dispatch: “Bottom line, GOP tax reform’s good for the middle class”President Donald J. Trump will Make the American Military Great AgainRemarks by President Trump at Signing of H.R. 2810, National Defense Authorization Act for FY2018President Donald J. Trump Signs H.R. 2810 and H.R. 4374 into LawState and Local Leaders Push for Tax ReformArmstrong Williams: “Passing tax reform is a task that shouldn’t be taxing”Statement by President Donald J. Trump on H.R. 2810Support For President Trump’s Signing Of The National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA)A Message from President Donald J. Trump on HanukkahChristmas at the White House 2017Readout: Second Lady Karen Pence Visits with Young Patients; Gives Coloring Books and CrayonsPresident Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Nominate Andrea Thompson to the Department of State🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:Despite thousands of hours wasted and many millions of dollars spent, the Democrats have been unable to show any collusion with Russia - so now they are moving on to the false accusations and fabricated stories of women who I don’t know and/or have never met. FAKE NEWS!Lightweight Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, a total flunky for Chuck Schumer and someone who would come to my office “begging” for campaign contributions not so long ago (and would do anything for them), is now in the ring fighting against Trump. Very disloyal to Bill & Crooked-USED!The people of Alabama will do the right thing. Doug Jones is Pro-Abortion, weak on Crime, Military and Illegal Immigration, Bad for Gun Owners and Veterans and against the WALL. Jones is a Pelosi/Schumer Puppet. Roy Moore will always vote with us. VOTE ROY MOORE!Consumer Confidence is at an All-Time High, along with a Record High Stock Market. Unemployment is at a 17 year low. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! Working to pass MASSIVE TAX CUTS (looking good).Wishing all of those celebrating #Hanukkah around the world a happy and healthy eight nights in the company of those they love.Congratulations to Doug Jones on a hard fought victory. The write-in votes played a very big factor, but a win is a win. The people of Alabama are great, and the Republicans will have another shot at this seat in a very short period of time. It never ends!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:NEW: Family of NYC terror attack suspect releases statement, saying they’re “outraged” by actions of law enforcementThese 4 officers saw the attempted bomber with wires all over him on the ground and held him down, stopping him from using his cell-phone to cause a 2nd blast. They are heroes.BILL O REILLY: "I have a tape of someone who is anti-Trump offering $200,000 to a woman to accuse Donald Trump of sexual assault"Yeah, uh, no it's fucking not. Regardless of how you feel about Net Neutrality, this is a fucking lie and Reddit needs to be held responsible for their lack of transparency or register as a PAC.DACA needs to go when an illegal with 3.6 GPA scams $185k in scholarships from hardworking American born students.PRESS BRIEFINGS, INTERVIEWS, RALLIES:Press Beating🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:GOD BLESS THE NYPD!Never faltering before the MSM horde. Let's show some love for Sarah: Warrior PrincessSHOTS FIRED by Congressman Steve Smith at Gillibrand [Bill Clinton is a RAPIST!]Buck Sexton rewrites the statement by the failed pipe bomber's family for accuracy.Wednesday, December 13th:TODAY'S ACTION:Alfredo Ortiz: “Tax Bill Is Christmas Present Americans Have Been Waiting For”Final IT Modernization ReportRemarks by President Trump at Lunch with Bicameral Tax ConfereesAmerica Will Once Again Reach for the Moon—and BeyondRemarks by President Trump and American Taxpayers on Tax Reform🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:The reason I originally endorsed Luther Strange (and his numbers went up mightily), is that I said Roy Moore will not be able to win the General Election. I was right! Roy worked hard but the deck was stacked against him!Wow, more than 90% of Fake News Media coverage of me is negative, with numerous forced retractions of untrue stories. Hence my use of Social Media, the only way to get the truth out. Much of Mainstream Meadia has become a joke! @foxandfriendsIf last night’s election proved anything, it proved that we need to put up GREAT Republican candidates to increase the razor thin margins in both the House and Senate.Thank you Omarosa for your service! I wish you continued success.SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Looks like the FBI has been caught planning an investigation of Trump since BEFORE his election purely as an “insurance policy” in case he got into office!Strzok, his Mistress, and (Now) Director McCabe discuss "Insurance Policy preventing Trump PresidencyHappy Hanukkah from President Donald J. Trump🚨🚨 HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! Remember when FBI tried to bribe a Russian Hacker to confess to hacking Hillary's email a while back? Guess what just hit the front page of Reddit!!! 🚨🚨Fake News CNN Anchor Anderson Cooper Calls The President A "Loser," Then Predictably Deletes Tweet, Claims He Was Hacked🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Spicy Ben Garrison. Fake News Chasing Tall TalesNothing to see here, move along.Voter ID requirements need to be Federal law."There’s no way [Trump] gets elected — but I’m afraid we can’t take that risk." -Peter Strzok Deputy Asst Director FBIThursday, December 14th:TODAY'S ACTION:The Closing Argument for Tax ReformPresident Donald J. Trump’s Year of Regulatory Reform and Environmental Protection at the EPAPresident Donald J. Trump is Delivering on DeregulationMerry Christmas from President Donald J. Trump and First Lady Melania TrumpMerry Christmas from Vice President Mike Pence and Second Lady Karen PenceRemarks by President Trump on DeregulationPress Briefing by Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs Administrator Neomi Rao on the Unified Agenda of Regulatory and Deregulatory ActionsReadout of President Donald J. Trump’s Call with President Vladimir Putin of Russia🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:Republican Tax Cuts are looking very good. All are working hard. In the meantime, the Stock Market hit another record high!As a candidate, I promised we would pass a massive tax cut for the everyday, working Americans. If you make your voices heard, this moment will be forever remembered as a great new beginning – the dawn of a brilliant American future shining with PATRIOTISM, PROSPERITY AND PRIDE!Today, we gathered in the Roosevelt Room for one single reason: to CUT THE RED TAPE! For many decades, an ever-growing maze of regs, rules, and restrictions has cost our country trillions of dollars, millions of jobs, countless American factories, & devastated entire industries.When Americans are free to thrive, innovate, & prosper, there is no challenge too great, no task too large, & no goal beyond our reach. We are a nation of explorers, pioneers, innovators & inventors. We are nation of people who work hard, dream big, & who never, ever give upIn 1960, there were approximately 20,000 pages in the Code of Federal Regulations. Today there are over 185,000 pages, as seen in the Roosevelt Room. Today, we CUT THE RED TAPE! It is time to SET FREE OUR DREAMS and MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!“Manufacturing Optimism Rose to Another All-Time High in the Latest @ShopFloorNAM Outlook Survey”(Retweeting Ronna McDaniel) .@realDonaldTrump is the Paycheck President. Learn how the tax bill will put more money in your pocket & how to contact Democrats who are trying to stop it: http://paycheckpresident.comSIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:THROWBACK THURSDAY Reddit advocates "Net Neutrality" by conspiring numerous subs to push the same Red Image but censors T_D from /all for the last year because they dont like opposing viewpoints. Repealing Title II allows a freer internet-Reddit’s against that (they didnt even read the bill). Sad!The battle for Net Neutrality is over! The companies that spent hundreds of millions shilling to trick the public into supporting their agenda have LOST! Just like magic all the hysteria will disappear.HIS NEW STORY: His assistant left his phone “UNSUPERVISED” at the gym and some mystery person tweeted POTUS. Got it. Makes complete sense, definitely not FAKE NEWS.Based regulation slayer Ajit Pai TROLLS THE SHIT out of snowflake Soros NN shills. Shitposting has become an art form! TENDIES EVERYWHERE!Did He Just Say on Live T.V. that They Came from Another STATE to Vote in Alabama's Election?!? ~ This is Important: Being DownvotedPRESS BRIEFINGS, INTERVIEWS, RALLIES:Press Beating🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:(unemployed noises)NEW TRUMP TWEET ON NET NEUTRALITY REPEALJapanAnon mocks people saying Japan needs to accept immigrants to survive.Donald Trump Jr. Journalism is DeadJuanita Broaddrick: Why did I support President Trump?Friday, December 15th:TODAY'S ACTION:Remarks by President Trump Before Marine One DepartureIt’s Time To End Chain MigrationRemarks by President Trump at FBI National Academy Graduation CeremonyRemarks by President Trump to Marine Helicopter Squadron One🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:It was my honor. THANK YOU!To each member of the graduating class from the National Academy at Quantico, CONGRATULATIONS!You are always there for us – THE MEN AND WOMEN IN BLUE. Thank you to our police, thank you to our sheriffs, and thank you to our law enforcement families. God Bless you all, and GOD BLESS AMERICA! #LESMToday, it was my tremendous honor to visit Marine Helicopter Squadron One (HMX-1) at the Marine Corps Air Facility in Quantico, Virginia. I am honored to serve as your Commander-in-Chief. On behalf of an entire Nation, THANK YOU for your sacrifice and service. We love you!DOW, S&P 500 and NASDAQ close at record highs! #MAGA(Retweeting Sarah Sanders) .@POTUS historic tax cuts + doubling of the child tax credit will do infinitely more to empower working moms than liberals' personal attacks on women they disagree with ever will.(Retweeting Paul Ryan) For individuals and families, the final Tax Cuts & Jobs Act: ✔lowers individual taxes ✔nearly doubles the standard deduction ✔expands the Child Tax Credit ✔repeals Obamacare’s individual mandate ✔preserves the mortgage interest deduction(Retweeting Rep Krisi Noem) A lot of tough decisions got us to this point, but we’re closer than we’ve been in 30+ years to a fairer tax code that keeps more money in the pockets of hardworking Americans. Proud to sign my name to the Conference Report. READ THE BILL>> http://noem.house.gov/taxreformGreat job Kevin, we are all proud of you!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:TICK TOCK BOOM! Lisa Bloom offered women hundreds of thousands of "donor" cash to accuse Trump"Eric Trump Posted A Picture in the Oval Office That Nearly Broke the Internet." [in a good way]"Real talk: The only reason John McCain hasn't resigned yet, given his condition and mountain corruption scandals, is because in AZ, resigning senators have their replacement chosen by the governor. And our governor was an early Trump Supporter."IT'S OFFICIAL: WE HIT 4% GDP GROWTH! PRESIDENT TRUMP IS MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!Rahm Emmanuel declares Chicago a "Trump Free Zone". How about you make it a "Murder Free Zone" instead because 630 people have already been killed this year, Mayor🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:They're with her.Here we see a wounded and weak candidate. Sensing its weakness, the strong bull offers it as sacrifice for the safety of the nation.WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUBNo Thanks.Saturday, December 16th:🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:Congratulations to two great and hardworking guys, Corey Lewandowski and David Bossie, on the success of their just out book, “Let Trump Be Trump.” Finally people with real knowledge are writing about our wonderful and exciting campaign!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:HOLY SHIT! The Lisa Bloom "accuser" she was texting with who abruptly cancelled the press conference was the same girl that also sued Jeffrey Epstein! Was this a STING OPERATION? They were trying to frame Trump w/ Epstein and got caught! These people really are stupid -- HOLY FUCK!!THE FACE YOU MAKE WHEN for 14 years you had one of the highest rated shows on television, got bored and decided to create the GREATEST and HIGHEST rated reality show the world has ever seen. Oh and you save America and Western Civilization in the process.But Trump is the bad guy. insane.🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Life comes at you fast media cucks.Legendary Japanese wrestler The Great Sasuke dressed as The Great Trump. He cut a promo to the Tokyo crowd saying "TPP is Bullshit" before fighting Rocket Man.REMINDER: SIKHS ARE OUR ALLIES AND FRIENDSSOOOOOOO MUCH WINNING!What's a recap without a couple jams to help you get through it!One Man Can Change The WorldThe New Workout PlanDoing it Right - Daft PunkLana's ThemeOnly OneFamousGold Dust - Flux Pavillion RemixBulletproof - La RouxMAGA THE FUCK ON PATRIOTS!! via /r/The_Donald
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Holiyay?
*08/10/17*
Sorry I haven’t posted for so long... ironic when you’re not well enough to write your blog about your illness aint it!?!
Anyway, I’m gonna cut right to the chase. Instagram vs real life is such an issue for me. One I probably need to get over…. It’s so hard I don’t know wether I should try and only post positive fun photos and make it look like I’m having a right old great fucking time or to keep it more ‘real’? But then no-one wants to see pics of an ill sad girl and it’ll probably just look like I’m trying to get attention.
I guess this blog is my outlet for now…
I have people who are close to me who tell me that if I post about being ill all the time I’ll never get booked for work or gigs, but then when it comes to my (failing) career as an artist I want to be real. I want to be honest and build a genuine following of people who care enough to join me on the real journey??Answers on a postcard please thanks.
So if you’ve seen the recent Insta posts you will have seen that I managed to go on holiday with my besets friends - genuine yay!I’ve never been away with friends before and could not wait to get ma body in the sun!! Oh that sweet sweet vitamin D!
But maybe I underestimated how tiring travelling was and how hard it would be…
Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret going and there were some really genuinely lovely times - that and I feel so much closer to my friends, but I’ve been back home now for three weeks and I’m just about making it to the supermarket or doing small tasks around the house each day. BIG FAT MEH.
I know I say it a lot but M.E. is so fucking frustrating!!! Because the more you push through and try and go for it the worse you get, so you physically can’t just get on with things- and the pay back is hell.
So on the way there we had the biggest nightmare…. I met Katie, Grace, Tilly, and Nicki at the airport and all was chill- I was feeling pretty shit but not too terrible. We had a bit of food at the Wetherspoons - keeping it classy - and then all went off to get out bits and bobs from Boots, WHSmiths etc - classic airport essentials!! - now… I’ll spare you the details… but I also have Crohns disease, and was not tooooo well!! It seemed that all of a sudden our gate was called… and I was… erm… busy…
I was as quick as I could be (awks), but there is no rushing somethings man!!! We were all panicking on the WhatsApp group and I told the gals I would meet them at the gate… Grace (bless her heart) said she would wait for me - she went to the information desk and told them my situation and asked if we could get a wheelchair or one of those buggy things to assist us to the gate - which of course was the furthest one away!!!
Do you know what they said to her??
‘You have four minutes until the gate closes and you won’t get there in time. You have to go now and leave your friend’ Grace being Grace said no, and waited for me. She tried to explain but they said to her ‘If she’s ill she shouldn’t be travelling’ - THANKS GATWICK - REAL BIG HELP THERE!!
Anyway… I came out of the toilets (why oh why am I selling you all this hahahaha) and found Grace - we had less than 4 minutes to do like a good 10 minute walk.
I don’t think I’ve moved so fast in a long time!! We were proper power walking through the airport and Grace would break into a jog at some points. I was fast trailing behind her shouting ‘just go!’ ‘Go on without me!’ Which of course she didn’t….
Stress levels were ridiculous, and I almost collapsed on an escalator - I sat and G rubbed my back…. After what seemed like a marathon we got to the gate… where everyone was sat chilling and they hadn’t even stared boarding yet. cool. whatever… Then Tilly comes walking up behind us as my body is shaking and I start to cry from all the adrenaline- ‘oh hey guys! you got here quick!’ - yea Tilly… real quick….LOL
By that time my legs were utter jelly and I thought I was going to pass out - very pleasant- but we all got on the plane and were laughing so hard at the messages of sheer panic in the WhatsApp group! We were all SO RELIEVED that we had made it!! I literally thought I had ruined everyone’s holiday!! - oops!! Never eating before a flight again! ;)
So we got to Spain and yet again the airport staff were assholes - I was as you can imagine feeling awful and there was a huge queue to get through passport control- I had my disabled parking badge with me as way of proof (people look at me and just don’t get it) and so Kaite and I asked if there was any where I could sit to wait for the queue to go down or any way we could go to the front. After they’d asked ‘where is the disabled girl?’ looking straight past me, and told me no, we’d had enough and just walked straight through while they shouted ‘Policia’ at us etc…. Luckily the police did not come and we went straight through!
What is it with these people?? Like even if I was a healthy girl who became ill on the plane they should WANT to help someone who is asking for assistance??
They can all get in the bin. End of.
So next was the drive (thank you Nicki for driving on the other side of the road for us all!!) to the villa and then we were there! Bloody exhausting.
The gals all then went out for dinner and I went to bed and ate a gluten free pot noodle I had packed in ma suitcase. Living the dream I tell ya!
The next day I was feeling pretty awful and chilled all day by the pool - now of course I am not complaining as I am so lucky to have been able to go on holiday at all, but that day, and most of the time actually, it was just a massive head fuck.
How was I was sat by the pool, surrounded by palm trees in the gorgeous sun, yet all I felt like doing was crying. I couldn’t shake it.
I didn’t want to be with my friends and I didn’t have the energy to make conversation, but kept trying and didn’t want to ruin everyone else’s holiday or be a downer.
Some of the time it just felt I was like having salt rubbed in my wounds right in my face. I was surrounded by four other healthy girls doing what I wished I could be.
I guess at home where I can escape to my room, and the fact that they are all at work everyday, it’s a little easier to cope.
But watching them all have fun and go out without me, and drink wine every night etc. was just a bit rubbish I guess.
I’m sure I sound ridiculous but you can’t help what you feel, and that’s what I felt.
The second night I went for dinner with them all but got so unwell I was in tears at the dinner table and got a cab home and left them to it. Fuck sake. (Sorry for all the swearing… just feel strongly lol)
I did improve a bit as the holiday went on, and my god they were all SO helpful and caring - always carrying the sun lounger out to the pool for me, and making me food when I was super tired (great omelette’s Nix!!), taking my suitcase for me at the airport, all that kinda stuff - and for that I thank them all, I must have been such a burden always having to be ‘looked after’ and I hated that. But they were beyond wonderful. Love you all SO MUCH!!
Then Emily arrived for the last few days which was awesome as we don’t get to see her as much now she’s moved out- so that was cool and we had a really lovely day at the beach which I genuinely enjoyed and did feel a little better - oh and I got duck pancakes that day too… nuff said!! :)
On the Saturday we had decided to have our one ‘night out’ -it was really nice to all get dolled up and as most of us are single now there was a lot of banter with the bar staff etc!
But again I was there drinking a Diet Coke and they were there making bloody boomerangs of them cheersing with their champagne glasses and getting drunk. God I am bitter!! hahaha
How do I always end up writing about my long to get drunk on this blog haha…. I just really miss it I guess… It’s hard cos my personality is so full of get up and go and lets go get drunk and dance!!! But instead I get to a club, can’t drink and all I think about is where can I sit down and what time shall I get a cab home on my own.
Wow… I really can complain huh!!!
On a positive note- I did have a dance that night!! Ok it was for maybe like 2 songs and it was more of a side step LOL but it felt really good! … and again…. Bar staff were on fleeek - for a laugh Nicki and I went up and she dared me to ask for his number… which I did…he was like the most gorgeous man I had ever seen!! But he had to get a woman over to translate as he didn’t understand a word I was saying and then when he did give me his number he asked if I spoke Spanish… to which I said no…. Most pointless exchange ever but Nicki and I were dying laughing and then just kinda ran away! I felt 13 again!
Then Grace did a high kick on the dance floor and fell flat on her face - and got glass in her hand. Doh! Oh Grace- your dance moves make me so happy- man I wish I could do crying laughing emojis on here!!!
-Don’t worry, Grace got looked after! After being told she would need stitches by the bar staff, she ended up in A&E but came home a mere plaster
Anyway I am rambling now -
After that night again I felt terrible and didn’t make it out to dinner with the gals but was glad I had made it out in the first place. I sat and ate chocolate watching the sunset instead. All good ;)
Then the journey home of course was pretty rubbish - British Airways you suck balls. - We pre booked assistance on the way home after our first ordeal! But this then meant waiting on the (very cold) plane for another half an hour, then being wheeled to a dark hallway and being left sat there alone (no staff anywhere) for about 45 minutes. We got so fed up that Katie found a few wheelchairs and stole one- I mean if they’re not gonna help we will help ourselves… it was at that moment that the buggy arrived and faffed about for a long time and then took us through passport control etc. LONG. Would have probably been less tiring to walk but then you never know how far it is!
After hitting my head at the train station I arrived home to Sussex where my mum picked me up.
Then HOME!! Oh the joy!! Bed with my cat! YAAAASSSS!!!
Unfortunately the next day I had hospital in the morning but it was to see a consultant I’ve been waiting forever to see who is giving me a trail of some new medication.
I don’t want to get my hopes up so am trying not to think about it but my god I am PRAYING that it might just help! - I’ll let ya know ;)
So now that I am back in London I am back to trying to do small realistic tasks each day and build back up from there. It’s depressing. It’s frustrating. It’s lonely. But it has to be done.
Much love for anyone who has actually read that!!! Means so much and am just trying to turn a negative into a positive - I enjoy writing this and hope that someone in a similar situation might be able to relate, and that someone who has never heard of M.E. might gain a little understanding.
Please get in touch if you wanna chat :)
My website: www.aliceella.com
Insta: @aliceellagram
MWAH x
#aliceella#whothefuckisaliceella#aliceellablog#alice#ella#myalgic encephalomyelitis#M.E.#M.E/CFS#M.E./CFS#chronic fatigue#chronic illness#chronic fаtiguе ѕуndrоmе#invisible illness#invisableillness#depression#positive#positivity#positivethinking#spoons#spoon theory#spoonie#spooniewarrior#crohn#crohn's disease#crohn's awareness#crohnie#meawareness#blogger#new blog#funny
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