#grizzly needs to stop making his musicians so god damn tragic i swear

[clownfire]

From Kian's pov, bitb is a tragedy. He dies three times over in the span of 48 hours, twice at the hands of someone he fell for. AND EVEN AFTER THAT he can't bring himself to hate or even distrust them. His heart is too goddamn big for his own good.

He never gave up on seeing Becky again. Even after seeing her drag a body into the woods. He still went to see her KNOWING FULL WELL that it wasn't her anymore. Because he truly believed he could still reach her, with the song he's kept close to his chest for OVER A DECADE. AND HE'S KILLED FOR IT.

In many ways he was right too, the people they used to be are still in there. Still conscious, still aware. Kian is able to peak through and communicate with his friends, if only briefly. And Rolan is able to break free entirely.

When Kian was resurrected, all his memories as that monster came flooding back to him. Including his death at Not!Becky's hands. Including his second death at Rolan's. All at once he receives the knowledge that the people he loved are no longer human, he has been deceived and killed by them.

He goes through all that, and he trusts Rolan completely. Rand second guesses Ro multiple times, and he didn't go through half of what Kian did. If he is at all afraid, he never shows it. When Not!Becky shoves him towards the community house, at first he thought she was trying to keep him safe from the others. This was her at full bug, no disguising as human, no acknowledgment of what he meant to the person she was. And he still holds out hope for her.

He barely lives half a day before he dies a third and final time. In a swamp, never having achieved his dreams, leaving no legacy or art of his own, only contributing some extra digits in someone else's bank account. He doesn't even leave a body behind.